#this realization is the final nail in the coffin. i thought there might still be a chance that i'd dislike leander and have Ais as my fav

[redstrewn]

Ok so my fav character from wednesday was tyler galpin so i think i'll probably be able to handle leander just fine now that i think about it

He legit betrays wednesday and plays her and i was still a fan

Bitch literally mauls her friend and kills several people and i was still a fan

Also my fav character from chilling adventures of sabrina was nick scratch and he legit plays sabrina too iirc

Man i do love me them two faced charming bitches huh

Also how could I forget the Jareth the goblin king....mf is no good at all and I thirsted for that fucker so bad

[ikeucity]

𝗝𝗘𝗔𝗟𝗢𝗨𝗦 𝗢𝗙 𝗝𝗘𝗡𝗡𝗜𝗘. ― (제이)

「 ᴘᴀʀᴛ (1/4) ᴏꜰ ᴋᴇᴜʀɪ'ꜱ ʟᴏꜱᴇʀ! ᴇᴅɪᴛɪ��ɴ ᴀᴜ 」

pairing. loser!jay x reader wordcount. 33.7k warning. this story contains sexual content (18+), explicit language, jealousy, and miscommunication. mild angst, fluff, and humor, as well as awkward tension. lighthearted themes of slight degradation/humiliation and insecurity are present, along with consensual smut. mdni.

jay's been crushing on you forever, but he's too shy to make a move. just as you start to realize you like him back, he starts seeing someone else. jealousy kicks in, but things take a turn when you discover his secret—a "jennie" that changes everything.

"so you're telling me, you thought making yeonjun jealous was gonna save your relationship?" you say, staring at hanna like you're trying to knock some sense into her. you emphasize each word, hoping it'll spark at least some shred of doubt about her terrible decision. she's just sitting there, swirling her juice, while you pick a grape from the fruit bowl between you both at the kitchen island. and here she was, your best friend, diving headfirst into another trainwreck, as if you hadn't been through this with her a dozen times before. "i mean, you don't think he'll care? you know him," she mumbles, eyes glued to the counter. you let out a sigh. "oh, he'll care alright. but not in the way you're hoping." hanna’s fingers fidget with the glass in front of her, the condensation dripping down her wrist. she avoids your gaze, chewing on her lip like she’s debating whether to defend her ridiculous plan or just give in. typical. you can’t help but shake your head, taking another grape and popping it into your mouth. "look, you’ve pulled some wild shit before, but this… this is different. yeonjun isn’t the type to play games, and you know that. jealousy’s not gonna make him come crawling back, it’s just gonna piss him off." her shoulders slump, a little defeat sinking in. “i just… i don’t know what else to do. he’s been so distant lately, like i’m not even there. it’s like… he’s already checked out, and i’m just waiting for the final nail in the coffin.” you roll your eyes but soften your tone. "hanna, if he’s acting distant, trying to push his buttons isn’t gonna bring him closer. you gotta talk to him, be honest, not… whatever this is." she finally looks up at you, eyes a little glassy. "what if he doesn’t care anymore? what if i’m the only one still trying?" that hit deeper than you expected. you lean back, exhaling slowly, thinking of all the times you’ve seen her chasing after something that was already slipping through her fingers. “then maybe… maybe it’s time to let it go, hann. if he’s checked out, then why keep pushing?” silence lingers between you two for a second, the sound of the clock ticking in the background louder than it should be. hanna brushes her hair behind her ear, voice small. "i just don’t want to lose him." you sigh, reaching out to rest your hand on hers. "i know. but sometimes, losing someone is better than losing yourself trying to hold onto something that's already gone."

hanna’s lips quiver like she’s about to say something, but nothing comes out. she just nods, the weight of your words sinking in. for once, she looks like she might actually listen. "besides," you smirk, trying to lighten the mood, "you can always make him jealous when you’re happy and moved on. that’ll hurt way more than this petty shit." she lets out a small laugh, wiping her eyes. "yeah, maybe." "there you go, thinking with your brain again. it looks good on you." you give her a playful nudge, grabbing another grape and tossing it into her lap. “oh, shut up,” she laughs, finally sounding like herself again. but even as she smiles, you know the weight of her situation isn’t going away anytime soon. you can only hope she’s strong enough to face it head-on this time. just as the conversation settles into a more comfortable silence, the front door creaks open, and you glance over to see jay shuffling in. he’s back from classes, hoodie pulled over his head, backpack slung lazily over one shoulder. his eyes dart to you immediately, widening slightly before he looks down at his shoes like they’re the most interesting thing in the world. "oh, hey… didn’t know you were here," he mutters, voice barely above a mumble. his cheeks flush pink, and he scratches the back of his neck in that awkward way he always does around you. he might’ve been quiet and a bit of a loser, but damn if he wasn’t hot, like someone ripped out of a movie. you’ve known him for years—ever since he was that scrawny kid who always hung around his sister, but now, he’s filled out, tall, lean… though he still can’t seem to act normal around you. "hey, jay," you greet casually, tossing him a quick smile. you can practically see the gears in his head stuttering, like he’s not sure what to say next. he clears his throat, adjusting the strap of his backpack. "uh, did you guys… were you talking about something important? i don’t want to interrupt or anything." hanna rolls her eyes at him, giving him a look that says, 'you always interrupt.' she turns back to you and lowers her voice dramatically, like she’s giving away some huge secret. "don’t mind him. he’s just here to stare at you for a bit." "what?!" jay’s face turns a deeper shade of red, his eyes widening in panic. "hanna, shut up!" he shoots her a death glare, but she just smirks, completely unbothered. you laugh, trying to ease his obvious discomfort. "nah, we were just talking about how your sister has terrible relationship advice." jay shuffles awkwardly, clearly not sure how to respond, and hanna snorts. "yeah, don’t get her started on that," she adds with a teasing tone, "she’ll lecture you for hours." "i do not lecture," you defend yourself, leaning back on your chair. "i just give good advice to people who clearly need it." jay chuckles softly, still not quite meeting your eyes. "well, i’m sure your advice is better than hanna’s." he sneaks a quick glance at you, and you catch his gaze for a second, noticing how his eyes linger a little too long before darting away again.

it’s kinda cute, actually, the way he gets all flustered around you. he might not be outgoing like his sister, but there was something about the way he awkwardly stumbled over his words that made it obvious he was into you, even if he didn’t have the guts to say it. "so, uh, i should probably… go study or something," jay mumbles, backing up slowly toward the hallway. he glances at you one more time, the corner of his lip twitching like he wants to say something but can’t find the words. "good luck with that," you say with a playful grin, watching him fumble to leave. "yeah, thanks," he mutters, practically tripping over his own feet before disappearing down the hall, leaving you and hanna alone again. once he’s out of earshot, hanna bursts into laughter. "god, he’s so obvious. i swear he’s had the biggest crush on you since, like, forever." you smirk, picking up another grape. "yeah, i noticed." "hanna," you start, popping another grape in your mouth, eyes glinting with amusement, "would it be so weird if i actually hooked up with him?" her jaw drops, and she gapes at you like you just suggested the most forbidden thing in the world. "are you serious? jay? my little brother jay?" she whispers, half laughing, half in shock, but there's a glimmer in her eye like she's trying to picture it. "what? he's hot. awkward as hell, but still… hot." you shrug, completely unfazed by her reaction. you could see it now—the way jay would probably blush like crazy, fumbling around nervously, but you didn’t mind.

something about it was kind of endearing. hanna raises an eyebrow, leaning forward with a smirk. "okay, but can you imagine how flustered he’d be? he can barely look you in the eye without turning into a tomato." "exactly. it’d be cute," you tease, a wicked grin spreading across your face. "i mean, he’s been crushing on me forever, right? might as well make his day." "you're insane," she laughs, shaking her head, but you can tell she’s not actually against the idea. "i can’t believe we're even having this conversation. he’d probably pass out if you even kissed him." you laugh, thinking about how jay would probably freeze up, all wide-eyed and nervous. "maybe, but i bet he’d be fun to mess with. who knows? he might surprise us." "ugh, you’re terrible." hanna rolls her eyes but can’t help grinning. "but honestly? if anyone’s gonna break him out of his awkward phase, it might as well be you." "exactly," you say, giving her a knowing look. "besides, if you’re out here making bad decisions with yeonjun, why can’t i make one with jay?"

hanna groans, burying her face in her hands. "oh my god, this is so messed up." you chuckle, tossing another grape at her. "don’t act like you haven’t thought about it. he’s been staring at me like a lost puppy for years." she peeks up from her hands, a mischievous look in her eyes now. "alright, fine. but if you actually do it, you better tell me everything. i’m not missing out on that gossip." "hanna, you don’t find that weird?" you raise an eyebrow, genuinely curious. "you’re telling me you wanna know how he'll potentially fuck me? your brother?" she snorts, completely unfazed, shrugging like it’s no big deal. "i mean, yeah, why not? i already know he’s got a crush on you, and if you’re actually gonna do it, i might as well get the details." her eyes glint with that mischievous spark again, like she’s enjoying this way too much. you lean back in your chair, still staring at her in disbelief. "that’s some messed up shit, hanna." she laughs, shaking her head. "okay, maybe it is, but c’mon. he’s a grown-ass man, you’re a grown-ass woman. if you hook up, it’s not like i’m gonna pretend it never happened. besides, think of it like… research. you can tell me if he’s as awkward in bed as he is in life." "oh my god," you groan, rubbing your temples like you can’t believe you’re even having this conversation. hanna just grins, leaning on the counter. "look, if anyone’s gonna handle jay, it’s gotta be someone i trust, right?" "yeah, ‘cause nothing says trust like spilling the details of how your brother fucks," you mutter, but the smirk creeping onto your face betrays you. "fine. if, and i mean if it happens, maybe i’ll let you in on the tea." hanna claps her hands together, clearly way too excited for this. "oh, i’m holding you to that. don’t chicken out now." you roll your eyes, laughing despite yourself. "you’re unbelievable." "so are you, thinking about banging my brother," she shoots back with a wink. "touché." you chuckle while running your hands through your hair, the thought of actually doing something with jay making your stomach flip.

there’s a part of you that’s curious, but it’s also so damn messy. “what if he takes it too seriously? or what if it’s just fucking awkward?” hanna leans back, crossing her arms, watching you spiral. "look, it’s not like you’re making a marriage proposal. it’s just a hookup, if it even happens. jay’s awkward, sure, but i doubt he’d make it weird." you sigh, feeling the weight of all the shit you’ve been dealing with pile onto this already bizarre situation. "i just… i don’t know, hanna. it’s been a rough few months. i feel like everything’s been dry as hell lately." hanna raises an eyebrow. "you mean, like… with sunghoon?" you groan, covering your face with your hands. "don’t get me started. that whole situation was a shitshow." "okay, spill. what went down?"

you take a deep breath, staring at the ceiling for a moment before finally letting it out. "it was just… boring. like, no spark, no nothing. we were together for months, and I swear, it was like he was just going through the motions. half the time I couldn’t even tell if he was interested." "huh," hanna nods, thoughtful for a second. "so you broke up with him?" "yeah, finally. i couldn’t take it anymore. it felt like i was dating a brick wall. no passion, no fire, and don’t even get me started on the sex. dry as fuck." you scoff, leaning back against your chair. "i tried, hanna. i really did. but how can you stay with someone who makes you feel like you’re invisible half the time?" "honey, you deserve way better than that," she says, her voice softer now. "it’s not your fault that sunghoon couldn’t keep up. maybe you just need… you know, someone who actually wants you." "someone like jay?" you joke, half-heartedly, but there’s a flicker of something in your chest when you say it. hanna smirks, not missing a beat. "hey, i'm not the one who said it, but now that you mention it… he might just be what you need. awkward as hell, sure, but he’s been into you forever, and at least you’d know he’s trying." "ugh, i’m just tired of all this shit. the dating, the breakups, the dead-end relationships. it’s exhausting." she nods, giving you a sympathetic look. "i get it. but maybe it’s time to stop worrying about all that serious shit and just have fun. if it’s jay or someone else, who cares? do what makes you happy for once." you stare at her, taking in her words, feeling the weight of it all slowly lifting off your shoulders. maybe she’s right. maybe it’s time to stop overthinking everything and just do something for yourself.

it’s been months since that conversation with hanna, and somehow, you never followed through with it. maybe it was just something you thought about when you were in a dry spell, coming off a shitty relationship with sunghoon. at the time, jay seemed like the sweetest option, the safest—someone who wouldn’t complicate things. and hanna? she was fine with it, encouraging, actually. but still, nothing happened. you chalked it up to a moment of weakness. yeah, jay was hot, awkward as hell, but hot. it was like a loser got trapped in a really good-looking guy's body, the kind of guy who was too shy to realize how much he had going for him. but maybe that’s why you never pushed it—it wasn’t serious. just a fleeting thought after all the mess you went through with sunghoon. yet, recently, something’s been gnawing at you. hanna’s been casually mentioning that jay’s been seeing someone, dropping it in conversations with that teasing smirk she always has. and, well… it piqued your interest. way more than it should have. you try to tell yourself it’s nothing. but deep down, there’s this weird feeling, like something’s off. it’s not jealousy, not really. it’s more like curiosity… or maybe even a bit of possessiveness. after all, you’d been his little crush for years. it was kind of flattering in its own way, knowing he was always there. "so, jay’s seeing someone, huh?" you finally ask hanna one afternoon, trying to sound casual as you lean back against the couch. hanna glances at you with that all-knowing look, already sensing something beneath your tone. "yup. can you believe it? he’s finally getting out there. i was shocked at first, but i guess he’s growing up." "yeah, he’s definitely grown," you mutter, thinking about how much he’s changed in the last few years. hanna smirks, clearly not missing your choice of words. "what’s that tone? you jealous or something?" "jealous?" you scoff, but it feels a little forced. "no, just… surprised. i mean, it’s jay. he’s never really dated, right?" "he hasn’t. but people grow up, y’know? he’s not the awkward little kid anymore, even though he still kinda acts like it," she says, grabbing her phone and scrolling absentmindedly. "he’s been going out with this girl for a few weeks now. cute, right?" you shrug, trying to play it off, but you can’t help the little sting of annoyance. weeks? that long, and you had no clue? "yeah, sure. cute," you mutter, glancing away. but your mind’s already spinning, wondering what kind of girl has caught his attention.

hanna raises an eyebrow, catching the subtle shift in your tone. "why? you miss him or something?" she teases, smirking over her phone. "no," you snap a little too quickly, then clear your throat, trying to act unbothered. "just curious, that's all. haven’t seen him around here in a while." she laughs, shaking her head. "wow, you really do miss him. he used to be around all the time, and now you're noticing when he's gone." she sets her phone down, looking way too amused by this. "admit it—you’re lowkey jealous." "i’m not jealous," you huff, crossing your arms defensively. "i just didn’t think he’d be the type to dive into a relationship, that’s all." "oh, so now you’re judging his love life?" hanna grins, leaning in closer, clearly enjoying this. "look, it’s not like they’re serious or anything, but yeah, he’s been busy. getting out there. i thought you’d be happy for him." "i am," you say, but it sounds half-hearted, even to your own ears. "it’s just weird, that’s all." hanna watches you for a second, her smirk softening. "oh my god," she says, suddenly realizing. "you had your chance, didn’t you? back when we talked about it months ago, but you didn’t follow through, and now you’re regretting it."

"what? no!" you protest, but the way she’s looking at you makes you feel like you’ve been caught. "yeah, you are," she presses, laughing softly. "you thought about it back then, and now you’re wondering if you should’ve just gone for it." you open your mouth to argue, but nothing comes out. maybe she’s right, just a little. maybe part of you did think jay would always be there, orbiting around, waiting. now that someone else has his attention, it feels different. unsettling. just then, jay comes stumbling in, looking flustered as hell. his hair’s a mess, cheeks flushed, and he’s wearing clothes that clearly scream date night—button-up shirt slightly wrinkled, dark jeans that fit a little too well, like he actually put thought into the whole thing. the sight of him in that state makes your heart do a weird little flip, but you force yourself to stay cool, act like it’s no big deal. jay looks at both of you, eyes wide, clearly shocked to find you there, but he lets out a breathless, "hey," like he’s trying to play it off. you catch the faint tremble in his voice, though, and it makes you smirk internally. he’s so damn awkward, it’s almost adorable.

"hmm, hey," hanna says, immediately zeroing in on his disheveled appearance. she crosses her arms, her lips curling into a grin. "where you been, jay? out on a date?" jay freezes for a split second, looking like a deer caught in headlights. "w-what? no, i wasn’t… i mean, i just—i was hanging out with some friends."

you can’t help but snicker at how awful he is at lying, and jay shoots you a quick glance before looking down, his cheeks growing redder. "friends, huh?" you say casually, trying to hide the amusement in your voice. "didn’t know your friends wore that much perfume."

his face flushes deeper, and hanna’s on him in a second, eyes gleaming with curiosity. "wait a second…" she leans in, sniffing the air dramatically. "oh my god, you’re actually wearing perfume. like, something a girl would wear." her grin gets even wider. "jay, did you steal her perfume or what?" "no!" he stammers, taking a step back, clearly overwhelmed by the interrogation. "i didn’t—i mean, i wasn’t stealing anything. i just—i don’t know, maybe i hugged her or something, okay? it’s not a big deal."

the way he says her makes your stomach tighten, but you shove it down, refusing to let it show. instead, you raise an eyebrow, giving him a nonchalant look. "so there is a girl, huh?"

jay looks like he’s about to combust on the spot, his words stumbling over each other as he tries to defend himself. "i… it’s not like… yeah, i’ve been seeing someone, but it’s not serious, okay? we’re just hanging out. nothing crazy."

"hanging out," hanna echoes, clearly enjoying every second of this. "is that what we’re calling dates now? ‘cause, bro, you look like you just came back from date night."

jay groans, running a hand through his messy hair, clearly desperate to escape the conversation. "look, can we just not do this right now? i’m gonna go to my room." and with that, he rushes past, practically bolting toward the hallway.

but not before you catch it. the scent. that sweet, floral perfume lingering on him. it’s subtle but unmistakable—definitely something a girl would wear, and something that would drive any guy crazy. you can’t help but feel a strange knot form in your chest as you watch him disappear into his room.

"huh," hanna says, leaning back on the couch with a satisfied grin. "he’s really getting out there. good for him."

"yeah," you mutter, trying to act unaffected, but the perfume, the thought of him with someone else—it’s still swirling in your head. "good for him."

you sit there, staring at the spot where jay had been just seconds ago, the scent of that damn perfume still hanging in the air like some ghost that won’t leave. hanna’s sitting back, satisfied with her little interrogation, but you can’t help the weird pit forming in your stomach.

you try to shake it off, acting like none of this bothers you, but it does. way more than it should.

you stayed over at hanna’s that night, and the tension from earlier stuck with you like a bad itch. jay never left his room, not once, which only made your curiosity gnaw at you even more.

what the hell was going on with him? who was this girl? you tried to push it out of your mind, but it clung to you, especially with the scent of that perfume still lingering in your thoughts.

you and hanna were playing mario kart, both of you on the couch. or rather, you were playing, while she kept glancing at her phone, clearly distracted by a stream of notifications from yeonjun. every time her phone buzzed, she'd snicker or blush, completely zoning out from the game.

"yo, if you’re just gonna text yeonjun the whole time, i might as well play alone," you teased, bumping her with your elbow as she nearly drove off the track.

"huh? what? no, i’m playing," she muttered, not even looking at the screen as her character crashed into a wall. "yeonjun just sent me something funny, that’s all."

you roll your eyes, about to give up on getting her attention back when the doorbell rang.

"huh, who’s that?" hanna said, barely glancing away from her phone.

you pause the game, both of you looking toward the door. hanna finally gets up, heading over to open it. when she swings the door wide, you see him standing there—jay’s friend, heeseung. he’s clearly flustered, his hand shoved deep into his pockets, his shoulders hunched slightly as if he’s uncomfortable being there.

"heeseung?" hanna asks, surprised. "what are you doing here?"

heeseung shifts awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck. "uh, hey. is jay here? we were supposed to hang out, but he hasn’t been answering his phone. i figured i’d just come by and check."

you almost smirk. god, another one of jay’s friends who was a total loser in the cutest way possible.

like jay, heeseung had everything going for him—good looks, tall, decent style, but somehow still gave off the energy of a guy who’d stumble over his own words if you looked at him too long.

"he’s been locked in his room since he got back," hanna says, rolling her eyes. "probably doing god knows what. you can go knock if you want."

heeseung glances at you for a split second, then back at hanna. "uh, yeah, cool, thanks."

as he makes his way toward jay’s room, you can’t help but chuckle under your breath. you knew heeseung and jay well enough—they were practically glued to each other most days, playing games together, screaming over discord at all hours of the night. and here he was, showing up like some worried girlfriend when jay wasn’t answering his phone.

"he’s definitely still in there," hanna mutters, sitting back down next to you. "but if anyone can drag his ass out, it’s heeseung."

you nod, but your mind is elsewhere. jay, locked in his room all night, avoiding everyone. was he embarrassed? hiding from whatever happened earlier? or was it something else?

your curiosity eats at you, but you shove it down, focusing back on the game as heeseung knocks softly on jay’s door.

the muffled sound of voices drifts down the hall, heeseung’s awkward murmur and jay’s low, strained reply. you can’t make out what they’re saying, but the tension lingers in the air, heavy and thick.

"heeseung’s probably just here to game with him, like always," hanna says, half-watching the screen. "but i gotta say, that boy’s a mess too. sometimes i don’t get how they even function."

you snort. "yeah, but they’re good guys. even if they’re both clueless."

hanna grins. "true. but damn, if only they weren’t such awkward losers. they’d probably have girls falling all over them if they weren’t so… i don’t know, them."

you laugh, shaking your head, but part of you can’t shake the nagging thought about jay, the girl, the perfume… and why he’d been acting so strange ever since. damn.

looks like jay eventually let heeseung in, because after a few minutes, you hear the low murmur of voices coming from his room. nothing loud or out of the ordinary, but just enough to confirm that heeseung’s been granted access.

you continue playing mario kart with hanna, your mind half in the game and half still on jay, wondering what the hell is going on with him.

hanna keeps glancing at her phone, and you don’t miss the small smirks she gives whenever a notification pops up. it doesn’t take long before she’s fully lost in her own little world, yeonjun obviously at the center of it. you roll your eyes.

“you’re not even playing anymore,” you say, bumping her with your elbow as she drives straight off the edge for the third time in a row. “might as well just text him if you’re that distracted.”

“ugh, fine,” she mutters, tossing her controller down with a dramatic sigh. “he’s been dying to talk, and I can’t concentrate anyway.”

you raise an eyebrow. “what’s going on with you two, anyway? things getting serious or what?”

hanna bites her lip, the kind of half-smile that tells you everything and nothing all at once. “we’ll see. he’s been acting all sweet lately, but I just want to clear some things up, you know? make sure we’re on the same page.”

“mm-hmm,” you hum, not buying her casual tone for a second. “sure, sure. go have your little heart-to-heart.”

she rolls her eyes but doesn’t argue, getting up and grabbing her phone. “i’m gonna go to my room and talk to him. don’t get into too much trouble while i’m gone,” she teases, disappearing down the hall with her phone already pressed to her ear.

you’re left sitting there, the room suddenly quiet except for the distant sound of jay and heeseung talking behind closed doors. you play a few more rounds of mario kart, but it feels pointless now that hanna’s gone and your mind is drifting back to jay again.

curiosity gets the better of you. before you even realize what you’re doing, you find yourself walking down the hall, toward jay’s room. your footsteps are light, almost cautious, like you’re not even sure you want to be caught doing this. but something about the whole situation—jay’s sudden flustered behavior, the perfume, the secrecy—it’s gnawing at you, and you just need to know.

you stop just outside his door, pressing your back to the wall, trying to hear what they’re talking about. their voices are low, but you catch snippets here and there. heeseung’s calm, steady tone contrasts with jay’s more hesitant, awkward replies.

“…so, how’d it go?” you hear heeseung ask, his voice muffled through the door.

there’s a long pause, and you can practically feel jay squirming from the other side. “…it was fine. great even but, god. it’s just… different.”

“different how?” heeseung presses, and now you’re straining to hear every word, your heart racing a little.

jay lets out a sigh. “i don’t know. i mean, she’s cool, but… i keep thinking about—”

you hold your breath, leaning in a little closer, desperate to hear what he’s going to say next. thinking about who? what the hell is he talking about?

but before you can catch the rest of his sentence, something creaks under your foot, the sound louder than you expected in the quiet hallway. you freeze, heart pounding in your chest, praying they didn’t hear you.

there’s a brief silence from inside the room, then jay’s voice, a little more alert now. “…did you hear that?”

shit.

you back away slowly, trying to move as quietly as possible, but your pulse is racing, and you can already feel the heat creeping up your neck.

your pulse quickens, adrenaline spiking as you slowly back away from jay’s door, praying he doesn’t open it and catch you red-handed. your foot moves carefully, barely making a sound as you step back down the hall, but you can hear the faint creak of the floorboards under your weight.

“nah, probably nothing,” you hear heeseung say, his voice trying to calm jay down. “this place is always making weird sounds.”

“yeah… maybe,” jay replies, but you can tell he’s still on edge. you hold your breath, waiting, listening for any sign that he’s going to open the door and find you there, eavesdropping like a total creep.

but the door doesn’t open. instead, their conversation picks back up, though jay’s voice is a little quieter now, more cautious, like he knows someone might be listening.

you exhale slowly, stepping back further into the hallway, feeling the tension in your shoulders ease just slightly. that was too close, you think, your heart still racing as you slip back toward the living room.

but despite the close call, your curiosity hasn’t been satisfied. if anything, it’s only grown stronger. what the hell is jay thinking about? why did he seem so off today? and who was this girl, this mysterious person he’s apparently been seeing?

something about it all didn’t sit right with you, and it was starting to get under your skin. as you make your way back to the couch, you try to shake it off, but your mind is still buzzing.

you hear hanna’s door creak open down the hall. she’s probably still on the phone with yeonjun, but knowing her, she’s already caught onto your little adventure. you hear her muffled voice through the walls, sounding serious, like she’s deep in conversation.

you try to focus on the game, but the more you think about it, the more frustrated you get. why do i even care so much? you ask yourself. jay was just a guy.

a sweet, awkward guy who’s been crushing on you for ages, sure, but still… why did the idea of him with someone else, even just hanging out, feel like it was getting to you so much?

you sigh, your grip tightening on the controller as you speed down the mario kart track, barely paying attention to what you’re doing. you know you’re overthinking it, but that doesn’t make the sick feeling in your gut go away. you hear a faint laugh from jay’s room, and your stomach twists.

hanna comes back into the living room, phone still in hand, but the conversation with yeonjun clearly over for now. she glances at you, raising an eyebrow as she flops down next to you on the couch, her eyes immediately narrowing like she’s picked up on something.

“you good?” she asks, half-amused, half-suspicious. she probably noticed the way you’ve been sitting there, controller in hand but not really playing, clearly lost in thought.

“yeah, i’m fine,” you lie, a little too quickly.

she smirks, shifting her position to face you better. “sure, sure. you’re ‘fine,’ but you look like you’re thinking way too hard about something. spill it. what’s going on?”

you pause, debating how much to say, but you know hanna isn’t the type to let things slide. she’ll keep poking until you give her something. you sigh, tossing the controller down in frustration.

“okay, fine. i’m just… curious.”

“about?”

“jay.”

hanna’s smirk widens. “oh? now we’re back to jay, huh? what happened while i was on the phone? did something weird go down between you two?”

“no,” you mutter, though that knot in your stomach tightens again. “it’s just… i don’t know. he’s been acting strange. like, he’s all flustered and avoiding us, and then there’s the whole thing about him seeing someone. i guess it’s just throwing me off.”

“hmm.” hanna leans back, crossing her arms as she studies you, clearly amused by your little dilemma. “so you’re bothered that jay’s hanging out with another girl. interesting.”

“i’m not bothered,” you say, but even to you, it sounds weak. “it’s just… weird, okay? he’s always been around, always crushing, and now suddenly he’s off with some other girl, wearing perfume and shit.”

hanna chuckles, shaking her head. “god, you really are jealous, just admit it. you had months to make a move, and now that someone else might be catching his attention, it’s messing with you.”

you shoot her a glare. “jealousy isn't the right term. i told you i'm just curious.”

“right,” she says, clearly not believing you for a second. “so curious that you probably tried to eavesdrop on him and heeseung just now, huh?”

your eyes widen slightly, but you try to keep your cool. “what? no. i didn’t—”

hanna laughs, cutting you off. “oh, please. i know you, and i definitely heard you sneaking around the hallway while i was on the phone. don’t even try to lie.”

you groan, burying your face in your hands. “fine. maybe i did try to eavesdrop a little. but it didn’t help. they were talking in these vague half-sentences, and now i’m just more confused.”

“so why don’t you just ask him?” hanna suggests, a grin tugging at her lips. “i mean, if you really want to know, just corner jay and get him to spill. he’s terrible at hiding stuff anyway.”

you consider her suggestion, feeling a mix of curiosity and frustration bubbling inside you. “and what exactly do i say? ‘hey, jay, so i noticed you’ve been acting weird and smelling like another girl. care to explain?’”

hanna bursts out laughing, shaking her head. “honestly? yeah. he’d probably be so flustered, he’d tell you everything just to avoid the embarrassment.”

you roll your eyes but can’t help the small smile creeping onto your face. “you’re terrible.”

“nah, i’m just honest.” hanna nudges you with her elbow. “c’mon, it’s not like he’s some big mystery. he’s jay. awkward, sweet, and totally wrapped up in you. if you want answers, just ask.”

“maybe,” you mumble, still not convinced but knowing she’s probably right.

"should i ask heeseung?" you blurt out, half-joking but also half-serious. maybe heeseung would give you the details without all the awkward stammering that jay would.

hanna raises an eyebrow, looking at you like you just suggested something crazy. "heeseung? are you kidding me? he’d probably fumble even worse than jay."

you laugh, but there's a part of you that wonders. heeseung—god, another awkward mess but that’s also why he might just crack under a little pressure.

"i mean, it’s not the worst idea," you say, shrugging. "he might slip up and say something."

"honey, heeseung can barely hold a conversation without tripping over his words, especially when he’s nervous. and you asking him about jay? yeah, good luck with that." hanna grins, clearly entertained by the idea. "besides, he’d probably just defer to jay, tell you to ask him."

"ugh, you’re probably right," you groan, sinking back into the couch. "it’s just… ugh, something feels off, and i can’t let it go."

hanna tilts her head, studying you with that look she gets when she’s about to get all deep and sisterly. "okay, real talk? why does it bug you so much? i mean, seriously. if jay’s seeing someone, why does it bother you this much?"

you pause, not really sure how to answer that without sounding like a complete mess. because honestly, you hadn’t thought too hard about it until now. why does it bother me?

"i don’t know," you finally admit, sighing.

"hmm," hanna hums knowingly. "so maybe it’s not just curiosity. maybe you liked the attention. or maybe… you like him more than you realize."

"no," you protest immediately, though the knot in your stomach tightens a little. "it’s not like that."

"okay, okay." hanna holds her hands up in surrender, smirking. "but if you want to know what’s really going on, you either ask jay or wait for him to spill. heeseung’s not gonna give you any answers."

you sit there, chewing on the inside of your cheek, the idea of confronting jay still gnawing at you. “yeah, but asking jay feels… complicated.”

“well, then,” hanna says, nudging you with her elbow, “you’ve got a decision to make. either get the guts to talk to jay, or just let it go and stop driving yourself nuts about it.”

you lean back, eyes fixed on the ceiling, wondering if you’ll actually have the nerve to confront jay. the curiosity is killing you, but there’s that part of you that doesn’t want to know… because what if it is serious with this girl?

realizing that maybe you shouldn’t dwell on this too much, you sigh, leaning back on the couch. maybe it’s just your ego getting in the way—getting worked up over the fact that jay’s attention was elsewhere, no longer revolving around you like it had for years.

it stung a little, yeah, but was it really about him? or was it just that weird feeling when someone you always thought would be there suddenly wasn’t?

you rub your temples, trying to shake off the thought. if it’s serious, do i even want to know?

you’ve already been through enough drama with sunghoon. getting tangled up in whatever jay had going on wasn’t something you needed right now. especially when your feelings about it weren’t even clear.

"maybe i’m just making a big deal out of nothing," you mutter, more to yourself than to hanna.

"huh?" she looks over at you, raising an eyebrow.

"maybe it’s just my ego, you know? i’m probably just annoyed that jay’s not giving me all his attention anymore. and if it’s serious, i really don’t want to mess with it."

hanna watches you for a second, her smirk fading into something a little softer. "yeah, maybe. but it’s not wrong to feel weird about it. he’s been your little puppy for so long, it’s gotta feel strange to see him with someone else. but like you said, if it’s serious, maybe it’s better to just leave it alone."

you nod, feeling a bit of relief in her words. leave it alone. yeah, that sounded like the smart move. you didn’t want to ruin anything for jay, not when he’d finally found someone that seemed to have his attention.

"yeah," you say, more certain now. "i’ll just let it go. if he’s happy, that’s all that matters."

"huh, look at you being mature," hanna teases, though there’s a warmth in her voice. "proud of you."

you snort, rolling your eyes. "don’t get used to it. but yeah… i think it’s for the best."

you both settle back into a comfortable silence, the weight of your curiosity easing a bit. jay was figuring out his own life, and as strange as it felt, you couldn’t hold onto the past forever. people moved on, and maybe it was time you let him do the same without all the second-guessing.

weeks pass, and things between you, jay, and hanna settle into a weird but manageable routine. jay’s still around, but not as much. and you’ve mostly convinced yourself to stop overthinking it, especially when hanna lets slip that things with jay’s new girl seem to be going well.

every time she mentions it, you nod along, offering a polite "that’s great," even though you feel that familiar, subtle tug of something you can’t quite name. but you push it down and try not to dwell on it.

then one weekend, hanna decides to throw a party at her house. nothing too crazy, but she’s invited a bunch of friends over, and the idea is to just relax, drink, and let loose for a bit.

you’re half-excited, half-dreading it, especially since you know jay will probably be there too, along with a bunch of his friends, including heeseung.

"hanna, do we really need this party?" you ask a little nervously, standing in her kitchen the day of, helping her set up snacks and drinks. "i mean, are we celebrating something? or are you just in the mood to stir up chaos?"

she grins at you, mischievous as ever. "oh, you know me. stirring up chaos is my specialty. plus, we haven’t had a decent get-together in forever. and i need an excuse to dress cute and get drunk, so here we are."

you laugh, shaking your head. "fair enough."

“plus, yeonjun’s coming,” she adds with a wink, clearly excited about that little detail. “and i want him to meet some of my friends, show him off a bit, you know?”

“ah, so this party is really for yeonjun,” you tease, nudging her with your elbow.

“well, yeah,” she laughs, “but you’ll benefit too. lots of people are coming. you might meet someone.”

you roll your eyes but smile, part of you hopes he won’t bring his new girl to the party, though you hate yourself a little for even thinking that.

as the night progresses, people start trickling in. the house fills with the buzz of conversation, laughter, and music. you find yourself sipping on a drink, wandering between groups of friends, making small talk but keeping an eye out for familiar faces.

it’s a decent crowd—mostly people you know through hanna, but enough new faces to keep things interesting.

then, just as you’re starting to relax, jay walks in. and of course, heeseung is with him. jay’s wearing his usual casual style, but something about him seems different tonight—more confident, maybe? or maybe it’s just the way he’s been acting lately, more sure of himself. you can’t help but notice it, even though you’ve been telling yourself to stop.

your eyes flicker to his side, half-expecting to see the girl he’s been seeing, but to your surprise, he’s alone. no girlfriend in tow, just him and heeseung, who looks equally as awkward but still manages to make it work somehow.

hanna spots them and waves them over, and before you know it, you’re standing in a small group with jay, heeseung, and a few others, trying to act casual.

“hey,” jay says, his voice a little quieter than usual as he gives you a small, shy smile. "how’s it going?"

"good," you reply, forcing a smile back.

he nods, looking like he’s about to say something else when hanna jumps in, handing him a drink and teasing him about finally showing up. you take a sip of your own drink, trying not to stare, but you can’t help feeling that tug again, even though you promised yourself you were over this.

heeseung, meanwhile, is standing awkwardly beside jay, clearly a little uncomfortable in the social setting but still trying to make conversation. “so, uh, this party’s pretty cool,” he mumbles, scratching the back of his neck.

"yeah, it’s nice," you say, giving him a reassuring smile. "hanna always knows how to throw a good party."

"for sure," heeseung agrees, glancing around like he’s not sure what to do next.

as the conversation flows, you notice jay stealing glances at you every now and then, the party vibe is definitely kicking up a notch. the music’s louder, people are getting rowdier, and the drinks are flowing fast.

you’re on your second, maybe third drink, the buzz slowly settling into your veins, helping to loosen up that weird tension you’ve been feeling since jay walked in.

you're standing with jay, heeseung, and a couple of others, and it’s not long before everyone’s talking shit and laughing a little too loudly.

heeseung, bless his awkward heart, is still standing off to the side, clutching a drink like it’s a lifeline. the guy’s not exactly built for parties, but he’s trying. you watch as he takes a big swig of his beer, his face immediately flushing red, creeping up his neck and settling in his cheeks.

you can’t help but smirk, leaning in slightly as you raise an eyebrow at him. “damn, heeseung. you okay? you’re turning red as fuck.”

heeseung sputters, looking down at his drink like it’s betrayed him. “what? no, i’m fine. just, uh, warm in here, y’know?”

“sure, sure. it’s the alcohol, isn’t it?” you tease, giving him a playful grin. “you’re a lightweight, huh?”

he flushes even more, if that’s even possible, and you can’t help but find it kind of cute. maybe it’s the alcohol talking, but seeing him all flustered like this has you feeling a little bold. “you know, it’s a good look on you. red suits you,” you say, giving him a slightly flirty smile.

heeseung’s eyes widen a bit, and he looks like he’s about to choke on his drink. “w-what? no, i—thanks, i guess?” he stammers, clearly not expecting that. he shifts awkwardly, trying to hide his face behind his cup.

jay, who’s been listening in, raises an eyebrow at your comment but doesn’t say anything, his eyes flicking between you and heeseung like he’s trying to figure out what’s going on. you can see the confusion on his face, like he’s not sure whether to be amused or annoyed.

you can’t help but push a little further, just to see how flustered you can make heeseung. “you’re cute when you’re drunk, heeseung. maybe you should drink more often.”

heeseung’s practically glowing red now, his grip tightening on his drink as he lets out a nervous laugh. “uh, maybe I’ll stick to water,” he mumbles, clearly flustered out of his mind.

“nah, live a little,” you tease, leaning back casually, taking a sip of your own drink. you’re definitely feeling a little bolder than usual, the alcohol making you loosen up while jay’s still watching the whole interaction.

hanna comes over, laughing loudly with yeonjun hanging off her, clearly already tipsy. “yo, what’s going on here?” she asks, grinning as she looks between you, jay, and heeseung.

“nothing,” you shrug, “just giving heeseung some shit for turning into a tomato after one drink.”

heeseung groans, covering his face with his hand. “can we not?”

hanna snickers, nudging you. “i see you, though, giving him those flirty little comments. careful, or you’re gonna give him a heart attack.”

you laugh, shaking your head. “nah, he’s fine. aren’t you, heeseung?”

heeseung gives a weak thumbs up, still too flustered to respond properly, and you can’t help but find the whole thing hilarious. jay, though, is still watching you carefully, like he’s trying to figure out what game you’re playing, his jaw clenched just slightly. but you ignore it, deciding to have a little fun with the night.

“so, jay,” you say, turning to him with a smirk. “how’s the new girl? thought you’d bring her to the party.”

jay’s expression tightens for a split second before he relaxes, shrugging casually. “she’s busy. couldn’t make it.”

“oh,” you hum, “too bad. would’ve been nice to meet her.” the words come out a little more pointed than you intended, but the alcohol’s loosening your tongue.

jay just nods, sipping his drink, not saying much, but the tension between you two is palpable now. heeseung’s still standing there, awkward as ever, completely oblivious to the undercurrent of the conversation.

hanna gives you a look, raising an eyebrow. “damn, what’s going on with y’all?” she asks, half-laughing. “we’re supposed to be having fun, not having weird-ass standoffs.”

you shrug, trying to play it off. “just making conversation.”

jay doesn’t say anything, just watches you, his eyes narrowing slightly like he’s trying to figure you out. the tension’s thick now, and you can’t help but wonder if he’s caught on to your curiosity about him and his new girl—or if he’s feeling the same weird shift that you are.

the party is in full swing now, reaching that peak where everyone’s either too drunk or too deep in the vibe to care anymore. the music’s loud, thumping through the house, and the living room has turned into a makeshift dance floor. people are swaying, drinks sloshing, and you find yourself caught up in the energy of it all.

you spot hanna in the middle of the room, completely lost in the music, grinding on yeonjun like her life depends on it. she’s got her arms draped over his shoulders, moving with him in sync, her hips swaying to the beat. yeonjun’s hands are on her waist, pulling her closer as they move together, both clearly tipsy but having the time of their lives.

you can’t help but laugh at the sight of her. god, she’s really going for it tonight. you’re feeling the buzz too, a few drinks deep, and before you know it, you’re out on the floor as well, the beat taking over your body.

the room is hot, the air thick with sweat, perfume, and alcohol. the bass vibrates through your chest, and you let yourself move, swaying to the rhythm, feeling the weight of everything melt away. the drinks have loosened you up, and you don’t care who’s watching. it feels good to just let go.

you close your eyes, losing yourself in the music, your body moving in time with the beat. you can feel the warmth of the people around you, the brush of bodies as you dance, but you don’t think about anything except the way the music pulses through your veins.

a few minutes pass, and when you open your eyes, you catch sight of jay standing near the edge of the room, drink in hand, watching. his gaze is fixed on you, his lips pressed into a thin line, eyes dark with something you can’t quite place. it’s not just curiosity—it’s heavier, more intense.

the moment your eyes lock with his, you feel a jolt of something run through you. the alcohol in your system makes everything feel bolder, sharper, and you don’t look away.

instead, you let your body move a little slower, more deliberately, the music still guiding you, but now there’s a purpose behind it. you’re aware of his eyes on you, and you’re playing into it.

heeseung’s still somewhere in the crowd, flushed red from drinking, probably too shy to join in on the dance floor, but you’re not thinking about him anymore. your focus is on jay, standing there, watching, the tension between you two crackling in the air like a live wire.

hanna’s laughter cuts through the noise as she and yeonjun get even closer, practically wrapped around each other, and you shake your head, smirking at how wild she’s gotten. but then, almost instinctively, your eyes flick back to jay, and he’s still staring, not even trying to hide it.

as your hips swayed to the rhythm, you suddenly feel an arm drape around your shoulder, stopping you mid-movement. confusion flickers in your mind, and your eyes stay on jay for just a beat longer before you turn to see who it is.

then, you hear someone scream in your ear, trying to be heard over the booming music.

"hey!"

you blink, pulling back slightly, and there he is—sunghoon. your ex.

the shock hits you like a cold wave, making your whole body tense up. of all people, it had to be sunghoon. you immediately feel a rush of irritation bubbling up inside you, remembering all the reasons why you left that dry, emotionless relationship behind.

"sunghoon? what the fuck are you doing here?" you yell over the music, your face scrunching up in disbelief.

he smirks down at you, clearly tipsy, his grip on your shoulder firm but not exactly welcome. "just wanted to catch up!" he shouts, his voice laced with that familiar cocky tone, like he’s doing you a favor just by showing up.

you glance around, realizing how close he’s standing to you, the weight of his arm making your skin crawl. really, sunghoon? now?

"catch up?" you shout back, trying to shake him off. "there’s nothing to catch up on!"

he leans in closer, his breath hot against your ear, and you feel a spike of anger mix with the awkwardness of the moment. "come on, don’t be like that! i was just thinking about you, y'know?"

your patience snaps. "dude, we're done. way done. move the fuck on already," you snap, stepping out from under his arm. your heart’s racing, and you quickly glance back at jay, who’s still watching, his expression unreadable now.

sunghoon looks taken aback, but that smug grin stays plastered on his face. "alright, alright. no need to be so cold. just thought you might’ve missed me."

"missed you?" you laugh, bitterness creeping into your voice. "nah, not even close."

sunghoon shrugs, clearly not getting the hint or just ignoring it, but you’ve already tuned him out, your eyes flicking back to jay for a brief second. his gaze is still on you, and you can tell by the way his jaw is clenched that he saw everything. there's a flicker of something dark, maybe jealousy, or maybe something else entirely.

you turn back to sunghoon, fed up. "look, you’ve got about ten seconds to fuck off before i make this real awkward for you."

sunghoon finally gets the message, rolling his eyes as he steps back, hands raised in mock surrender. "alright, alright. whatever. you’re missing out."

"yeah, sure," you mutter, watching as he stumbles off into the crowd. good riddance.

the moment he’s gone, you exhale, feeling the tension start to lift.

hanna, still wrapped around yeonjun but now clearly paying attention, turns to look at you as sunghoon walks away. her face is a mix of confusion and amusement, her eyebrows raised. she’s clearly not drunk enough to miss the drama unfolding in front of her.

"what the fuck was that?" she shouts over the music, looking between you and the direction sunghoon disappeared in. "why the hell is he here?"

you let out a frustrated sigh, running a hand through your hair. "hell if I know. i didn’t even know he’d be at the party. guess he just felt like showing up to ruin my night."

hanna looks equal parts amused and annoyed. "that guy’s got some fucking nerve. acting like you’d just fall back into his arms or something."

you shake your head, still fuming. "he’s delusional. fucking idiot."

hanna watches you for a second longer, then nods toward jay, who’s still standing on the edge of the dance floor, his eyes locked on you. "well, seems like someone else noticed that little encounter. what’s going on with him?"

you glance back at jay, who quickly looks away as soon as your eyes meet. even from across the room. part of you wonders what’s running through his head.

"nothing," you mumble, though you know that’s far from the truth.

hanna snorts, giving you a knowing look. "yeah, well, whatever it is, you should probably talk to him. looks like he’s been staring at you all night. and now with sunghoon back in the picture? don’t let this shit fester, babe."

"shit, what do i even say?!" you mutter, more to yourself than to hanna, but she hears you loud and clear. she leans closer, still swaying a bit from the alcohol and the lingering high of dancing with yeonjun, but her focus is locked on you now.

"easy," she says with a smirk, “you just walk over there, look him dead in the eyes, and say, ‘so, were you watching that whole shitshow, or do I have to fill you in?’”

you groan, rolling your eyes. “yeah, sure, because that’ll go over well.”

hanna raises an eyebrow, nudging you toward him. "you’re overthinking it. just go talk to him. you got this."

"yeah, easier said than done," you mutter, but you force yourself to move. you’re not about to let this weird tension drag out any longer, especially with the way your stomach flips every time jay looks at you like that.

you take a deep breath, pushing your way through the crowd until you’re standing in front of him. jay’s eyes widen the second he sees you up close, his usual quiet confidence completely unraveling as he visibly tenses up. god, he’s already a mess, and you haven’t even said anything yet.

"hey," you start, trying to sound casual, but the alcohol’s making your voice a little too soft, too loose. "you’ve been staring at me all night, you know?"

jay’s face turns bright red, his gaze immediately darting to the floor. "i—uh, i —I mean, maybe I was a little," he stammers, rubbing the back of his neck in that awkward way he always does when he’s nervous. "it’s just, well, you look—"

"jay," you cut him off with a smirk, stepping a little closer. "you’re a terrible liar."

his face flushes even more, and he tries to hide it behind a nervous chuckle. "yeah, okay, maybe I was staring. but it’s hard not to when—"

"when what?" you ask, raising an eyebrow, feeling a little bolder than usual thanks to the alcohol. god, this drink was definitely getting to you. everything feels looser, like the tension between you two has been stretched so thin it could snap at any second.

"i mean… look at you," jay mumbles, barely meeting your eyes. "it’s hard not to stare when you look like that."

the compliment catches you off guard, but instead of letting it throw you, you press on, pushing the conversation to where you really want it to go. "and what about that girl you’ve been seeing? can't you make her come over for some fun? party's great, shame she couldn't make it."

jay looks completely flustered now, his eyes going wide as he stumbles over his words. "we’re not, like, serious or anything. just hanging out."

"still 'just hanging out,' huh?" you tease, taking another step closer, and now you can see the way he’s nervously shifting from foot to foot, his cheeks flushed red. god, he’s a cute mess.

"yeah," jay mumbles, his eyes flicking up to meet yours for a brief second before he quickly looks away again.

you laugh softly, cutting him off again. "relax, jay. i’m not grilling you." but the way your heart’s racing tells a different story. why does this feel so intense all of a sudden? maybe it’s the alcohol.

jay’s still staring at the floor, shifting uncomfortably, clearly trying to gather his thoughts, but he’s failing at hiding how flustered he is. "i just… didn’t think you’d care."

"why wouldn’t i care?" you ask, your voice softer now, trying to ease him out of whatever mess of feelings he's stuck in. his eyes flicker up to meet yours, vulnerable for a moment, but then he looks away again.

"you’ve never been so curious about me before," he mutters, his voice barely above the music. "we’ve known each other for years, 'cause of hanna, but… you never really asked me questions about myself."

his words hang heavy between you two, the weight of years of unnoticed glances and quiet moments suddenly crashing down. it's not an accusation—just a quiet truth. you'd always been caught up in your own world, and jay had been right there the whole time. you felt bad.

“jay…” you start, but the words don’t come out as you hoped. it’s harder than you thought, confronting the reality that you’ve been blind to him all this time.

he finally looks up, meeting your gaze, and for a second, you can see the frustration and confusion bubbling under the surface. "yeah?"

you hesitate, not wanting to dive too deep into all the messy feelings swirling between you two. instead, you decide to lighten things up, if only for a moment. "where’s heeseung, anyway? thought you two were inseparable tonight."

jay blinks, looking surprised by the change in topic. "uh… heeseung? he’s probably somewhere getting even more drunk," he mutters, glancing around the room briefly. "he disappears when he drinks. tries to avoid embarrassing himself, i think."

you can’t help but chuckle at that. "yeah, i did see him turn red after like one drink. kinda cute, honestly."

jay’s expression softens slightly, the tension between you both easing, though he still seems unsure. "yeah, that’s him," he says, his voice a little lighter now.

"so… what about you?" you ask, biting your lip, your heart beating a little faster. "i mean, are you avoiding embarrassing yourself, too?"

jay laughs nervously, rubbing the back of his neck as he glances around, clearly feeling a bit off-balance. "um, yeah, i’m trying. but i’m starting to get a little drunk, so…" he trails off, placing his cup on a nearby shelf with an awkward, almost cute, gesture.

you can’t help but smile at how flustered he is, but the air between you is still heavy with the unsaid. it’s like there’s this invisible line you both keep dancing around, but neither of you is willing to cross it.

“you’re not doing a bad job so far,” you tease lightly, stepping closer. your heart’s pounding, the alcohol loosening your tongue more than usual. “though i wouldn’t say you’re avoiding embarrassment. not entirely, anyway.”

just then, as if summoned by the awkward tension hanging in the air, heeseung comes rushing in, his face red, flushed even more than before. his hair’s a mess, and he’s panting slightly, looking like he just barely made it through whatever disaster he’s been avoiding.

“hey, guys!” he blurts out, clearly drunk, his words slurring just a little as he stumbles into the room. his eyes flick between you and jay, not noticing the thick air of tension he just walked into.

“thought i’d find you here—what’s going on?” he says, grinning like he hasn’t just completely derailed whatever moment you and jay were having.

you and jay both freeze, caught off guard by heeseung’s sudden appearance. you can’t help but laugh softly at the timing, shaking your head as the moment you were sharing with jay evaporates into the background.

"heeseung, man," jay mutters, trying to keep his voice steady as he looks at his friend. "where’ve you been? you’re looking… rough."

heeseung waves him off, stumbling slightly as he leans on the wall for support. "don’t worry ‘bout me. just had a few too many, I guess." he grins, then looks at you with that drunken charm only heeseung could pull off. “but damn, am i interrupting something? you two look like you’re in the middle of a moment.”

jay groans under his breath, rubbing his face in frustration, while you can’t help but snicker at the situation. of course heeseung would show up now, right when jay finally had some alone time with you. well kinda—minus the other people partying.

“nah, just talking,” you say, waving him off, though you catch jay giving you a quick glance, his expression still a little tight. “what about you, heeseung? you look like you’re about to pass out.”

heeseung grins sheepishly, his face still bright red from drinking. “maybe. but I’m still standing! barely,” he jokes, clearly unaware of the tension between you and jay. "but hey, good to see you two getting along. for a second, i thought i was gonna have to play wingman."

“wingman? for who?” you tease, feeling a bit more playful now that the moment with jay has been interrupted.

jay shifts uncomfortably beside you, clearly caught off guard by heeseung’s drunken boldness. his eyes flick to you, waiting to see how you’d react, and when you just laugh and shake your head at heeseung’s comment, jay groans under his breath.

fuck, heeseung.

unable to hide his embarrassment, jay moves quickly, throwing an arm around heeseung in a side hug. but it’s not exactly friendly—more like a half-hearted attempt to pull him close and, at the same time, silently threaten him into shutting the hell up.

"yeah, okay, man," jay mutters through gritted teeth, rubbing heeseung’s shoulder in a way that would seem affectionate if it wasn’t for the slight squeeze of warning. "you’ve had enough. let’s not make things worse for you."

heeseung, still too drunk to fully catch on, just laughs, grinning as he looks between you and jay. “what? i’m just being honest! i mean, the guy’s been staring at you like—"

jay tightens his grip on heeseung’s shoulder, cutting him off with a forced chuckle. “alright, alright, that’s enough out of you.” he pats heeseung a little harder than necessary, shooting him a look that practically screams shut the fuck up before you make this worse.

you can’t help but find the whole thing amusing, watching jay struggle between mortification and trying to keep heeseung from spilling any more embarrassing truths. “looks like someone’s about to get dragged home,” you tease, biting back a grin as you watch the two of them.

jay throws you a look, his face still red from embarrassment. “yeah, and it’s about to be this guy,” he says, giving heeseung one last squeeze before loosening his grip.

heeseung, still grinning like an idiot, doesn’t seem to mind. “whatever, man,” he mutters, swaying slightly. “i’m just trying to help.”

you laugh, shaking your head. "help, huh? i’m not sure how much help you’re being right now."

"he’s not," jay groans, letting go of heeseung and stepping back, trying to recover from the mess his friend just created. his eyes meet yours again, still flustered but with a hint of nervousness, like he’s wondering if you’re taking this all in stride.

"but he’s right, you know," you say suddenly, your voice teasing but carrying a little more weight now as you look at jay. "you were staring."

"i-i… don’t have a rebuttal for that," jay stammers, his face flushing deeper as he struggles to maintain his composure. you can tell he’s embarrassed, completely thrown off by how the night’s turned out, and it’s honestly kind of adorable.

just then, heeseung suddenly sways, looking like he’s about to pass out. jay’s eyes widen with worry, and without hesitation, he wraps an arm around his drunken friend. “shit, he’s about to drop,” jay mutters, looking at you quickly. “i need to get him to my room before he makes a scene.”

you nod, stepping in to help, guiding heeseung’s other side as the three of you stumble through the house. the party’s still loud in the background, but the farther you get, the more it fades into a distant hum. it’s almost a relief when you make it to jay’s room, the door shutting behind you, instantly muffling the chaos outside.

as jay sets heeseung down on the bed, you take a moment to glance around. damn. you haven’t been in here in years, and it’s clear things have changed.

gone are the comic books and posters that once covered his walls. now, jay’s room has a more refined, almost minimalist vibe. his gaming setup is still the centerpiece, of course, but everything else—his sleek furniture, expensive-looking decor—makes it clear that he’s grown up in more ways than one. who knew jay had such expensive taste?

"wow," you say, unable to help yourself. "i remember when me and hanna used to sneak in here and steal your comic books."

jay chuckles, glancing over at you as he pulls a blanket over heeseung. “yeah, those were the days. back when you barely even noticed i existed,” he says it lightheartedly, but there’s a hint of something deeper in his voice.

you laugh, shaking your head as you take in the room. "well, your room’s definitely grown up. fancy, even."

jay smirks, leaning against the wall, finally a bit more relaxed now that heeseung’s out cold. “what can i say? things change. i figured it was time to upgrade.”

“clearly,” you say, raising an eyebrow at his setup. “you look like you’ve got your life together now.”

“well, appearances can be deceiving,” jay mutters, a slight smile playing on his lips as he crosses his arms, looking at you with that same vulnerable expression from earlier.

there’s a quiet moment as you both stand there, the weight of everything unsaid hanging between you again. the party feels like a world away now, and for the first time tonight, you’re both alone.

as you stand there, the weight of the moment heavy between you and jay, you feel your legs move before you really think about it. you sit down on the edge of the bed, glancing at heeseung, who’s already out cold, sprawled out and snoring softly. the sight of him, completely knocked out, makes you chuckle softly under your breath.

“looks like he’s done for the night,” you murmur, leaning back slightly, your hand brushing the soft fabric of the bedspread. jay’s bed. it’s something small, insignificant even, but the realization hits you—you’re sitting on his bed.

and jay… well, if you could see inside his mind right now, it’d be a mess of chaos. holy shit, she’s sitting on my bed. his heart’s pounding, his brain scrambling to process the fact that the girl he’s been crushing on for years is casually sitting on his bed, her presence making the room feel smaller, more intimate.

god, if only it’d smell like her. jay inwardly groans, leaning against the wall, trying to play it cool. but every second you stay there, it feels like his mind is short-circuiting.

he’s had dreams about this exact scenario—well, maybe without the passed-out heeseung—but still, this was close enough to make him freak out inwardly. he’s trying not to stare, but he’s doing a terrible job of hiding how flustered he is.

“he’s gonna be feeling that tomorrow,” you say, looking up at jay, noticing how he hasn’t said much since you sat down. his face is a little too composed, like he’s trying not to let on how much this is messing with him.

jay laughs, but it’s awkward, his throat dry. “yeah, he’s gonna hate himself in the morning.” he forces himself to focus on something else—anything else—but his mind keeps drifting back to the fact that you’re sitting on his bed. fuck.

you glance around the room again, taking in how different everything feels now. “you’ve really grown up, jay,” you say softly, a teasing edge to your voice. “i mean, i remember when this room was all comics and random junk. now it’s… well, it’s like you.”

jay’s eyes snap to yours, and he swallows hard. “yeah, well… like i said, things change.”

there’s a charged silence, and you can feel the tension settling between you two again, heavier than before. jay shifts awkwardly, running a hand through his hair, trying to figure out what the hell to say.

say something, idiot, his mind screams.

but the sight of you, sitting there so casually on his bed, your presence filling the space, is making it impossible for him to think straight. all he can think about is how he’s wanted this—wanted you—for so long, and now you’re here, and it feels too good to be true.

"so, are you also turning in for the night?" you ask jay, your voice soft but teasing, as you glance over at him.

he freezes for a second, not expecting the question. his eyes flick to heeseung, passed out on the bed, then back to you, sitting there looking way too comfortable for him to handle. holy shit, what do i even say?

"uh, no, not yet," he stammers, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. "i mean, i probably should, but…"

but the sight of you sitting on his bed, casually asking if he’s turning in for the night, is making his mind spin. fuck, this is not how I thought tonight would go, were you thinking he still had his own bedtime?

you raise an eyebrow, your lips curving into a small smirk. "what? you too flustered to sleep?"

jay groans inwardly, his face turning even redder. "no, i just—i wasn’t planning on crashing yet, that’s all."

you chuckle softly, leaning back slightly, your hand still resting on the bed. "well, it’s your room, so if you wanna sleep, don’t let me stop you."

jay’s heart is racing. sleep? with you sitting there? yeah, right. he’s practically screaming inside, trying to figure out how to play this cool, but everything feels impossible right now. the tension, the proximity, the fact that you’re casually sitting on his bed like it’s no big deal—it’s all driving him insane.

"nah, i’ll, uh, hang out a bit more," jay says, his voice a little steadier now, but his eyes give him away. he’s nervous, caught up in the moment, and trying desperately not to make it awkward.

"you sure?" you ask, teasing him just a little, sensing how flustered he is.

"yeah, i’m good," he mutters, but his eyes are still glued to you, and you can feel the weight of his gaze, the way he’s struggling to keep his composure.

there’s a silence between you two, but it’s not uncomfortable. it’s charged, like something’s building, and neither of you is sure what the next step is.

"you’re acting weird," you finally say, breaking the tension with a playful smile.

jay laughs, but it’s nervous. "yeah, well… it’s not every day you sit on my bed, you know?" he admits, his voice quiet, but his words hit deeper than either of you expected.

"what?" you almost laugh, your eyebrows shooting up in surprise. the fact that jay had been talking to a girl recently—someone who clearly had his attention—somehow makes this even more amusing. the contrast between his awkwardness now and the idea of him being confident enough to date just hits differently.

"you’re acting like this is the first time a girl’s sat on your bed," you tease, the words slipping out with a smirk. you lean back a little, watching him squirm. "but you’ve been talking to this girl, right? what’s her name again?"

jay’s face flushes even deeper, and you can see the panic flash in his eyes for a second. he scratches the back of his head, clearly uncomfortable now. "yeah, well… that’s different."

"oh? different how?" you ask, still teasing, but now there’s a genuine curiosity building inside you. it’s hard to picture jay this flustered around someone else, especially when he’s always been so awkward with you.

as your eyes drift around the room again, they land on the corner where his trash bin sits. everything else in his room is pristine, almost too perfect, but the mess around the trash catches your attention. then, something makes you pause.

huh? your eyes narrow as you take in what you’re seeing—a used condom wrapper, crumpled at the top of the bin.

the movement catches jay’s attention, and he follows your eyes to the corner of the room. the second he realizes what you’re looking at, his whole body tenses, and his face flushes red again, but this time, it’s not just embarrassment. defensive mode activated.

“shit—it’s not what it looks like!” jay blurts out, scrambling to say something before you can even comment. his voice comes out high-pitched, panicked, and he throws his hands up as if he can somehow stop you from thinking what you’re clearly already thinking.

"oh, really?" you raise an eyebrow, your voice teasing, as you glance between him and the trash bin. "because it looks like someone had a little fun recently."

"no, no, no," jay stammers, his eyes darting around the room like he's searching for an escape. "i mean, yeah, but it’s not—fuck." he groans, rubbing his face with his hands. "this is so embarrassing."

you bite your lip to keep from laughing, but the grin’s already spreading across your face. "jay," you say, trying and failing to hide your amusement. "you don’t have to explain yourself. i mean, it's a condom wrapper. it speaks for itself, man."

he groans louder, clearly flustered and struggling to defend himself. “okay, fine, yeah, but—look, it’s not what you think..”

you tilt your head, genuinely curious now, but still teasing. "i mean, it’s pretty simple—girl, guy, wrapper—”

“please stop,” jay groans, cutting you off, his hands covering his face in full-blown embarrassment now. "this is literally the last conversation i wanted to have tonight."

"oh, come on," you laugh, leaning forward. "i gotta hear this."

"it's not that big of a deal," jay mutters, still trying to dodge the conversation, but you can tell he’s squirming under the weight of your teasing.

"oh, but it is," you tease, your grin wide now.

he lets out another groan, this time softer, more resigned, as he sinks back against the wall. "this is so fucking embarrassing."

jay, still visibly flustered and probably dying inside from the teasing, looks at you cautiously. his eyes flick from you to the bed, then back to you.

you can tell he wants to sit down, maybe get closer, but there's one problem—heeseung, sprawled out like a deadweight, has taken up almost the entire bed. his legs are hanging off the edge, and you’re already sitting on the last bit of available space.

jay hesitates, biting his lip as he steps closer. he looks at you, almost shy, clearly debating whether he should even attempt it.

"there’s, uh… not really anywhere for me to sit," he mutters, his voice low and awkward.

you glance at the bed and can’t help but snicker at the situation. "yeah, heeseung’s kind of hogging all the space, huh?"

jay nods, rubbing the back of his neck nervously. "yeah. guess I’ll just stand."

you look up at him, still teasing, but there’s a part of you that can’t help but feel a little bad for how awkward this is for him. “well, you could sit, but you’d probably have to, uh… move me.”

jay’s eyes widen slightly, and you can practically see his brain short-circuiting as he processes what you just said. “move you?” he stammers, looking even more unsure of what to do.

“yeah,” you smirk, leaning back a little, enjoying watching him squirm. “unless you want to sit on me, which might be a little… much.”

jay’s face flushes bright red, and he looks at the floor, clearly trying to figure out how to navigate this without combusting from embarrassment. “i’ll… uh, I’ll figure something out,” he mutters, taking another hesitant step closer to the bed.

“you sure?” you tease, watching him struggle. “i don’t bite, jay.”

he swallows hard, still standing awkwardly beside the bed, clearly torn between wanting to sit and not wanting to make things even more awkward than they already are.

jay, clearly at the end of his rope with the awkwardness, finally sighs and says, “can you please move?” his voice is a little hesitant, but there’s a hint of desperation in it, like he’s trying his hardest to keep it together.

you raise an eyebrow, surprised he actually asked, but you can’t help but smile. “oh, so now you’re just kicking me off the bed?” you tease, but there’s no bite in your tone.

“no! no, that’s not… that’s not what I meant,” he stammers, his face flushing even more, clearly mortified at how it came out. “i just—there’s no room and—ugh, never mind.”

he rubs his face with his hands, groaning in frustration, and you realize how much you’ve been teasing him all night. maybe it’s time to ease up.

“alright, alright,” you laugh softly, finally scooting over to the side a bit, making room for him. “relax, jay. i’m just messing with you.”

he looks at you with a mixture of relief and lingering embarrassment as he awkwardly slides onto the bed next to you, carefully avoiding heeseung’s sprawled-out limbs. the bed dips slightly under his weight, and you’re suddenly much closer to him than you expected.

the air between you feels hot again, the teasing fading into something heavier, more serious. you glance over at jay, who’s still looking flustered, but there’s something in his eyes now—something deeper.

"thanks," he mumbles, not quite looking at you, but you can see the tension in his shoulders relax just a little.

"so?" you drawl, your voice teasing, hanging in the air between you two for a moment. but before jay can even process what’s happening, you stand up quickly, the sudden movement causing your perfume to linger in the air around him. it’s intoxicating, and for a second, jay freezes, his heart caught in his throat as he watches you leave the room with a playful smirk and a slam of the door behind you.

he’s left sitting there, staring at the spot where you’d been, his heart sinking for just a moment, thinking maybe that was it. maybe you were done messing with him for the night.

but not even a minute later, you re-enter the room, the sounds of the party still going strong behind you. you’ve got two cups in your hands, and without a word, you walk back over to him, handing one to jay with a small grin.

"here," you say simply, offering the cup.

jay takes it, still looking a little dazed, blinking up at you like he’s trying to piece together what just happened. "uh, thanks," he mutters, his fingers brushing against yours as he takes the cup from you. the tension is back—thick and palpable—as you sit back down beside him.

"you thought i was ditching you, didn’t you?" you tease, leaning back against the bedpost, watching his expression closely.

jay chuckles nervously, taking a sip from the cup to steady himself. "maybe a little. i thought i scared you off."

"please," you laugh, shaking your head. "takes more than awkward flirting and heeseung passed out on your bed to scare me away."

he laughs, too, though there’s still that undercurrent of tension. he looks down at his cup, then back at you, his smile softer now. "i’m glad you didn’t."

there’s a beat of silence between you both, you’re sitting close enough now that you can feel the heat radiating off of him, and for the first time tonight, jay’s not looking away.

"so," you say again, your voice softer this time, but still carrying that teasing edge as you lean just a little closer to him. "you gonna tell me how you got your cherry popped?"

jay practically chokes on his drink, eyes widening as he looks at you in shock. his face flushes a deep red again, and for a moment, you think he might actually implode from sheer embarrassment.

"w-what?!" he stammers, his voice cracking slightly, clearly caught off guard by the question. "i… shit—"

you raise an eyebrow, cutting him off before he can finish. "jay, c’mon. i’m not judging you or anything. just… curious. seems like there’s a story here."

he groans, covering his face with one hand, clearly dying inside. "this is so embarrassing," he mutters, more to himself than to you. "you’re really not gonna let this go, are you?"

"nope," you grin, taking a sip from your drink, enjoying how flustered he’s getting. "i mean, you’ve been hiding it from me this whole time. it’s only fair I get the details now."

jay exhales sharply, clearly torn between wanting to crawl under a rock and just giving in to your relentless teasing. finally, he lowers his hand, meeting your gaze, though his face is still burning red.

"fine," he mutters, glancing at the floor like he’s trying to find the right words. "but it’s not… it’s not what you think, okay?"

you lean in, eyes glinting with amusement. "oh, now I really wanna hear this."

jay rubs the back of his neck, clearly uncomfortable but knowing he’s not getting out of this one. "it was just… one time. with someone I met, like, a few weeks ago," he mumbles, his voice quiet. "it wasn’t a big deal. nothing serious."

"someone you met?" you ask, tilting your head in curiosity. "was it the girl you’ve been talking to?"

he hesitates, then nods slowly. "yeah, her. but… like I said, it wasn’t serious. just… something that happened." he looks away again, clearly embarrassed, and you can tell he’s trying to downplay it.

you study him for a moment, the teasing smile still on your lips but softening a little. "so, was it good?" you ask, your tone gentler now.

god, you wished you didn’t ask. the moment the question leaves your lips, and jay’s face flushes even deeper, you feel a strange twist in your stomach—an unease that wasn’t there before. sure, you’d been teasing him all night, but now, the answer feels heavier than you expected.

"i mean… yeah?" jay says, his voice awkward, paired with that nervous laugh you’ve grown used to. but there’s something about his response that stings, a strange tightness in your chest as the reality of what you asked settles in.

you force a smile, trying to push through the sudden tension you didn’t expect. "well, congrats on finally joining the club," you say, though your voice lacks its usual bite. shit, why does this feel weird?

jay chuckles, but it’s quieter now. "yeah, well… better late than never, right?"

you nod, taking a long sip from your drink, trying to focus on something else, anything to get rid of this strange feeling gnawing at you. but it’s too late—the image of jay with someone else, feeling that same awkward tension with them, suddenly makes your stomach churn in a way you can’t explain.

you glance at him again, noticing how his eyes avoid yours, his face still red from the conversation. why did i even ask that? "and you like this girl?" the question leaves your lips before you can think twice about it, hanging in the air between you like a challenge. you’re not sure why you asked, but now that it’s out there, you can’t take it back. jay looks caught off guard, his eyes widening slightly as he processes the question. he blinks, taking a deep breath, clearly not expecting the conversation to take this turn. “i mean… I don’t know,” he mutters, looking down at his hands. "again, it just… happened." the way he says it, casual but unsure, only makes that weird, unsettled feeling in your chest tighten. you nod, trying to play it off, but something about the whole situation is starting to weigh on you. "just happened, huh?" you say, your voice softer, but there’s an edge to it that you can’t quite hide. jay shifts uncomfortably, clearly sensing the shift in your mood. "yeah. we don’t really talk anymore. it was… it didn’t mean much." you look at him, studying his face for any sign of regret or emotion, but he seems genuinely unsure. it didn’t mean much. that should make you feel better, but it doesn’t. not really. it just leaves more questions hanging between you both—questions neither of you are ready to answer. "so, no feelings?" you ask, and the words come out a little sharper than you intended.

"no," jay says quickly, his voice steady but cautious. "no feelings. it wasn’t like that." but then, jay’s expression shifts into one of deep thought, his brow furrowing slightly, but a small smile tugs at his lips as he takes a sip from his drink. you watch him closely, noticing for the first time how much he’s already had—his glass is halfway done, yet he doesn’t even seem the least bit drunk. except for those bloodshot eyes, you think, startled by how well he’s handling the alcohol. you swore you gave him a strong one, and yet here he is, not even wincing as he swallows. and just as you're about to comment on it, jay sets his drink down and glances at you, the smile still lingering on his lips. his voice is calm but holds something beneath the surface, something you can’t quite place. "there is someone i'd like to fuck though." your eyes nearly bulge out of your sockets at jay's sudden, blunt confession, the words hanging in the air like a bombshell. what the hell happened to the shy, stammering guy from earlier? he’s sitting there, calm as ever, sipping his drink like he didn’t just drop the most loaded statement of the night.

your heart races, caught between the shock and the possibility that he might be talking about you. he’s been crushing on you for years, right? that’s what you’ve always thought, that underlying tension you’ve both danced around. but now, the way he’s speaking—completely unflustered, so damn confident—has you second-guessing everything. was I wrong? did he get over me?

the room feels like it’s shrinking, trying to read the shift in his demeanor. he’s not the awkward mess you’re used to. he’s subtly changed—grown into something more composed, more sure of himself—and it’s throwing you completely off balance.

"w-whoa, okay, that’s… bold," you manage to say, your voice faltering just a bit. you want to ask him if he’s talking about you, but something about the way he’s sitting there, totally relaxed, makes you hesitate. fuck, am I not the one he’s talking about?

you swallowed thickly, "so…" you start, trying to sound casual, but your voice betrays your nervousness. "anyone i know?"

jay tilts his head slightly, his gaze still locked on yours, and for a split second, you think you see something flicker in his eyes—something familiar. "yeah," he says simply, his voice smooth and controlled. "you know her pretty well."

the words send your heart racing even faster, and now you’re caught in the middle of two conflicting thoughts: is it me? or has he really moved on?

you force a laugh, trying to break the tension that’s building in the room. "oh, so we’re playing guessing games now?" you say, hoping to keep the conversation light, but there’s a tightness in your chest that won’t go away.

just as you're about to press him further, heeseung suddenly shifts on the bed, letting out a groan as he stirs from his drunken slumber. the sound breaks the moment like a snap, making you both jump slightly.

jay glances at heeseung, his calm demeanor faltering for a second as the distraction pulls him back to reality. “shit,” he mutters under his breath, clearly frustrated by the interruption. he leans over, checking to make sure heeseung isn’t about to puke or do something equally as disastrous.

you, on the other hand, take the opportunity to let out a breath you didn’t even realize you were holding. thank god for heeseung’s terrible timing, you think, but part of you can’t shake the frustration of the conversation being cut short. who the hell is he talking about?

heeseung groans again, rolling onto his back, his arm flopping dramatically over his face. “fuck… what’d I miss?” he slurs, still clearly out of it.

jay sighs, running a hand through his hair as he straightens up. “nothing, man. you’re fine. just… go back to sleep.”

you glance at jay, wondering if he’s relieved by the interruption or annoyed, but it’s hard to tell. his expression has shifted back to neutral, his earlier confidence tucked away behind a mask of casual indifference.

heeseung groans again, clearly not going back to sleep anytime soon, and you watch as jay leans back, his posture more relaxed, though you can tell he’s still tense underneath.

but heeseung, in his half-conscious state, has other plans. "don’t tell me you’re fucking jennie again, i swear to god," he mumbles, his words slurred but loud enough to slice through the tense air in the room.

you freeze, blinking at heeseung's unexpected outburst. jennie? again? your mind races, and you glance at jay, waiting for his reaction.

who the hell is jennie?

jay stiffens, his eyes narrowing in frustration as he quickly looks between you and heeseung. "heeseung," he mutters sharply, "shut up, man. you’re drunk."

"what?" heeseung slurs, barely managing to sit up slightly. "you said you were done. don’t get back into that shit."

jay looks mortified now, his eyes flicking to you, and you can see the panic settling in. great, so there’s another girl in the mix? your stomach tightens at the idea, and suddenly, the confidence he’d been showing earlier makes a lot more sense.

the silence that follows is deafening. you cross your arms, waiting, your heartbeat racing as you stare at jay, demanding an answer without saying a word.

jay clenches his jaw, running his hand through his hair, clearly scrambling to figure out how to explain this without making things worse. but how the fuck do you explain something like that?

the truth—that "jennie" isn’t a person at all, but a branded sex doll jay bought to… well, think of you—is something he could never, ever tell you. even just thinking about it makes his stomach twist. he feels a surge of guilt, embarrassment, and frustration, especially because the way you’re looking at him right now makes it clear you’re already jumping to conclusions.

but there’s no way he can let you keep thinking that jennie is some girl he’s hooking up with. he knows that this is the moment that’ll define the rest of the night and the rest of his life considering you were hanna's best friend and he girl he's loved for ages.

he takes a deep breath, clearly struggling to find the right words. "it’s… not what you think," he says, his voice strained, clearly aware of how bad this looks but unable to give you the truth just yet.

"no, y/n, no," jay blurts out, his voice more desperate now, standing quickly as you begin to move, forcing a smile as if you're trying to brush off the situation.

"it's fine, jay," you say, though the forced smile on your face doesn’t reach your eyes. "seriously, i do realize it's none of my business, sorry for being too nosy, i swear i didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable."

you stand, fully intending to leave the room, the tension between you both now so thick it’s suffocating. you glance at heeseung, ready to use him as an excuse to get out of there, but before you can, jay reaches out, stopping you with a hand on your arm.

"no, wait," jay says, his voice strained but determined. fuck, he thinks, he has to say something—anything—before this spirals further out of control.

in a panic, jay’s eyes dart to heeseung, who’s still half out of it, sprawled on the bed. without warning, jay leans over and smacks him hard on the leg, making him jerk violently.

"ow, what the—" heeseung yelps, jolting awake, his head spinning as he finally takes in his surroundings. his eyes land on you, and a slow, confused grin spreads across his face. "oh… hey, y/n. didn’t realize you were here," he slurs, rubbing his eyes like he’s just now figuring out where he is.

"yeah, well, i'm here," you say, your voice clipped as you try to hide your frustration. you cross your arms, glancing at jay, who's still standing there, looking like he's barely holding it together.

"heeseung, man, you gotta help me out here," jay mutters under his breath, his hand still lingering on your arm, trying to figure out a way to salvage this whole mess.

heeseung, still half-drunk and confused, blinks at jay before looking between the two of you. "help you out?" he echoes, his voice thick with sleep. "with what?"

"just… don’t say anything else, alright?" jay groans, his face flushing with frustration. he doesn’t know how to explain this without making things worse, but heeseung’s loose tongue is the last thing he needs right now.

heeseung’s brows furrow in confusion as he tries to piece it together, but then his face lights up like he’s just remembered something. "ohhh, right! jennie!" he blurts out, still grinning like an idiot.

jay freezes, his hand dropping from your arm, and for a second, he looks like he might actually strangle heeseung.

"yeah, jennie," you say, your voice cutting through the air like a knife.

jay looks at you, his heart sinking. fuck. this is it. if he doesn’t explain this now, it’s over.

"heeseung, get the fuck out," jay snaps, his voice low and tense, frustration finally boiling over.

heeseung blinks at him, clearly still too drunk to understand the gravity of the situation, but even in his drunken state, he seems to realize that jay isn’t messing around. "uh… yeah, okay, man," he mumbles, swinging his legs off the bed and stumbling to his feet, barely managing to stay upright.

"seriously, heeseung, just go," jay adds, his tone sharp, eyes never leaving you as he waits for heeseung to get out of the room.

heeseung, still dazed, finally stumbles toward the door. "alright, alright, i'm going," he slurs, shooting you a sheepish grin as he passes by. "sorry for, uh… y'know." and with that, he’s gone, the door clicking shut behind him.

the room falls into an unbearable silence, the air between you and jay thick with tension. you stand there, arms crossed, your heart racing, waiting for him to say something—anything to explain this jennie situation.

jay sighs heavily, running a hand through his hair as he looks at the floor, clearly struggling with what to say next. "y/n…" he starts, his voice softer now, but still full of nerves. "i need to explain."

"yeah, you do," you say, your voice cold. "because right now, it sounds like there’s some girl named jennie who you’ve been fucking, and you’ve been lying to me about it this whole time."

you didn’t want to sound like a jealous girlfriend or anything, but the words came out sharper than you intended. you hadn’t meant it that way, but something about the whole situation got under your skin.

jay, however, didn’t even catch the implication. he was too hyper focused on making sure you didn’t get the wrong idea, too panicked about you thinking there was some actual girl involved. he didn’t even realize you were interested—actually interested—in him.

jay winces at the sharpness in your tone, his face reddening. "no, no… it’s not like that," he says quickly, taking a step toward you. "jennie’s not… she’s not a girl."

you blink, caught off guard by his words. "what do you mean she’s not a girl?"

jay rubs the back of his neck, clearly mortified. "she’s, uh… she’s a… sex doll."

your jaw drops, and for a second, you don’t even know how to respond. "a what?" you ask, your voice a mix of disbelief and shock.

jay’s face flushes even deeper. "yeah… i know. it sounds bad. but jennie’s not some girl i’ve been hooking up with. she’s just… this thing i got a while back, and… fuck, this is embarrassing."

the room goes silent again as you process what he just said, your mind racing. a sex doll? you’re not sure if you should laugh or feel weird about it, but suddenly the whole situation takes on a completely different light.

"so… jennie’s a doll?" you say slowly, trying to wrap your head around it.

jay nods, his face still burning red as he glances at you nervously. "yeah. and… it's stupid, i know," he mutters, shifting awkwardly, clearly wishing he could be anywhere but here.

"but i bought it, and… practiced?" his face scrunches up, like he’s wincing just at the thought of admitting it. he starts pacing back and forth, rubbing the back of his neck, clearly mortified by what he’s confessing.

"practiced?" you repeat, your eyebrows shooting up in disbelief. holy shit.

"yeah," jay mutters, his voice tight with embarrassment. he runs his hands through his hair, groaning as the weight of his confession settles in. "y/n, can you leave? i’ve literally embarrassed myself in front of you, and there’s no way I can ever come back from this. laugh all you want, okay? just not here."

before you can respond, jay’s hands are already on your shoulders, gently but firmly guiding you toward the door. you’re too caught off guard to protest, still processing everything he just confessed. the awkwardness, the vulnerability, the tension—it’s all hitting you at once, and before you know it, you’re standing just outside his room.

“jay, wait—" you start, but he shakes his head, his face flushed as he tries to avoid eye contact.

"seriously, just go, y/n," he says, his voice rough as he closes the door partway.

he’s clearly mortified, and you can hear it in his voice. it’s not like the shy, awkward jay you’ve known—it’s different. heavier. but before you can say anything else, the door shuts in front of you with a soft click.

you stand there, staring at the closed door, your mind racing. the tension between you, the rawness of jay’s confession—it lingers in the air. you’re not laughing. you’re not even thinking of laughing. all you can think about is the vulnerability in his voice and the weight of everything he just laid out in front of you.

and fuck, if you didn’t find it hot. what the hell?

you’re standing there, outside jay’s door, and the only thing running through your mind is how his vulnerability, the embarrassment, the rawness of it all—it was unexpectedly hot. you bite your lip, feeling your pulse quicken as you replay the conversation in your head.

what the fuck is wrong with me? you should be laughing, cringing, anything but standing here with your heart racing like this. every word jay said, every embarrassed stammer, it’s all stuck in your head. it should feel gross, but fuck, it doesn’t. instead, it’s making your pulse quicken and your thoughts spiral.

he’s a pervert, and it’s making you wet. you’re standing here, outside his room, thinking about jennie.

your body reacts in a way you didn’t expect, and you hate it, but you can’t stop it. your mind runs wild with questions, wanting to know everything. what gets him off, what he’s into. this wasn’t the night you planned, but the way you feel now? you can't deny it. it’s wrong, but it’s fucking hot.

you knock on the door, breath shallow, your body betraying you as you try to get a grip. jay’s voice comes from the other side, shaky and tired, “y/n, just… go. please.”

the words hit harder than you expect. he doesn’t even open the door. he just shuts you out.

what did you expect? you think, backing away, feeling the sting of rejection. you pushed too hard. maybe he’s just too mortified to deal with it, maybe he thinks he’s fucked things up beyond repair. either way, he told you to leave, and you have no choice but to walk away.

you step back, away from his door, your pulse still hammering in your chest. you start to walk, heading back to the party, but your mind is still on jay—on everything he didn’t say, on everything you didn’t get to hear. fuck.

the following days, jay avoided you like the plague, barely making eye contact, leaving rooms when you entered, keeping his distance like he couldn’t bear to be near you. but it did nothing to stop the way your thoughts kept drifting back to that night. if anything, his avoidance only made it worse, made you obsess over it even more.

you couldn’t stop thinking about him—about what he’d confessed, about the doll, about what he wasn’t telling you.

you even googled the jennie brand, desperate to understand more about what jay had been using, what he had been thinking about all this time. and fuck, the results sent you spiraling. there were all sorts of types—full body, partial torsos, hyper-realistic models with intricate details.

it was almost overwhelming, seeing just how many versions there were. some were life-sized, some were just the lower half, and the descriptions made it clear these things were made to feel as close to real as possible.

your mind ran wild, picturing jay with one of them. which one did he get? was it a full-sized model that he could hold, position, fuck like it was real?

you couldn't stop yourself from imagining it—him in his room, with that doll, your name on his lips while he fucked it. your pulse quickened, your body betraying you with how much this idea turned you on. what the fuck is wrong with me? but you couldn’t stop. the more you thought about it, the more you wanted to know everything.

and the more jay avoided you, the worse it got. it wasn’t just the doll—it was him, everything he’d been hiding. fuck, you needed to talk to him, to get him to open up again.

you were helping hanna load some groceries into the kitchen, bags of chips, bottles of tequila, mixers—everything you’d expect for one of her infamous parties. she was chattering away about the guest list when she suddenly paused, her face scrunching up.

"shit," she muttered, checking her phone. "i forgot the lemons for the tequila shots."

you raised an eyebrow, a slight smirk tugging at your lips. “kinda essential for tequila, don’t you think?”

hanna sighed dramatically, already grabbing her keys off the counter. “i know, i know. i’m such a mess. i’ll run to the store real quick and grab them. you cool here for a bit?”

you nodded, trying to keep your tone casual as you asked, “is jay home?”

hanna paused, looking over her shoulder. “nah, he’s not. he’s been out doing… whatever, avoiding people, i guess.” she laughed, rolling her eyes. “he’s been acting weird lately.”

weird, you thought. yeah, no shit.

"i’ll be back in an hour tops!" hanna called, heading out the door. as soon as it closed behind her, the house fell into a thick, heavy silence. you stood there in the kitchen for a moment, hands on the counter, the weight of everything suddenly pressing down on you.

jay’s not home. your heart raced at the thought.

your eyes flicked toward the hallway, where his room was. you knew you shouldn’t. this is wrong, you told yourself. but your curiosity had been eating at you for days—about him, about jennie, about what exactly jay had been hiding.

and now, here you were, in his house, alone. the temptation was gnawing at you, pulling you toward his room.

just a quick look, you rationalized, biting your lip. your feet moved before your brain could stop you, carrying you down the hallway, closer to jay’s door. you reached for the doorknob, hesitating for a moment as your heart pounded in your chest.

your mind continued to pull you in different directions, don’t do this. this is wrong. but fuck, you couldn’t help it. the need to know, to see for yourself, was too strong.

you twisted the doorknob and pushed the door open slowly, peeking inside. jay’s room was neat, not surprising, the clothes draped over the back of a chair and shoe boxes placeed neatly on one of his dressers, the faint scent of his cologne lingering in the air. but what caught your attention was the nightstand next to his bed.

your pulse quickened as you stepped further into the room, your eyes locking onto the drawer. could it be in there?

you knew it was wrong but your hands were already moving, your fingers curling around the drawer handle, tugging it open.

you felt a surge of frustration as you rummaged through jay’s room, your heart pounding in your chest. where the fuck is it? you’d already checked the nightstand—nothing. under the bed? completely spotless, not even a speck of dust. goddamn, jay was keeping his room way cleaner than yours, that’s for sure.

your mind raced as you stood there, the last possible place calling out to you—his closet. you bit your lip, knowing you were going too far, but the curiosity was killing you. you couldn’t let it go. you stepped over to the closet and pulled the door open, trying to shuffle through the clothes without making it obvious that someone had been snooping.

the scent of his clothes hit you all at once, that familiar cologne mixed with something purely jay, and god, it went straight to your core. without thinking, you grabbed one of his shirts and brought it up to your nose, inhaling deeply.

what the fuck is wrong with you? you felt a wave of heat rush through you, your body reacting to the smell of him, the idea of him—the thought of what he does when he’s alone in here.

your fingers brushed against more hangers, searching, but with every passing second, you were losing hope. maybe he got rid of it, you thought, feeling a pang of disappointment. heeseung did say he threw it away. maybe he was too embarrassed to keep it after all that.

you sighed, letting go of the shirt as you stepped back from the closet. fuck, what were you even hoping to find? maybe this was all a mistake.

just then, your thoughts were cut short by the unmistakable sound of the front door slamming shut. your heart jumped into your throat. no way that’s hanna—the store was like thirty minutes away. it was impossible for her to be back already.

panic set in immediately. shit, shit, shit. you froze in place for a second, your mind racing as you tried to figure out what to do. you couldn’t let jay find you here, rummaging through his room like some creep.

your heart pounded in your chest as you heard jay’s footsteps nearing. you barely had time to think, instincts kicking in as you quickly darted toward the closet.

you slipped inside, shutting the door as quietly as possible, your breath shaky. good thing this closet has gaps between the wooden slats, you thought, praying he wouldn’t notice anything out of place.

your body was pressed tight against his clothes, the lingering scent of him overwhelming your senses again. the heat between your legs intensified as you tried to focus, tried to calm your racing heart, but it was impossible. the thrill of being caught, the tension in the air—it was all too much.

from your hiding spot, you could see through the narrow slits, watching as jay entered the room. his face was unreadable, but he didn’t look happy. he seemed tense, he stood in the middle of the room for a moment, eyes scanning the area.

shit, shit. you held your breath, trying to stay as still as possible, your body pressed up against his hanging clothes. your mind raced, wondering if he knew—if somehow, he could sense that you’d been snooping, that you were still in here.

jay walked over to the nightstand, his back turned to you as he opened the drawer, rifling through it like he was looking for something. his movements were quick, agitated, and for a moment, you thought maybe he was going to leave again.

but instead, he stood there, his hand lingering on the edge of the nightstand, his shoulders tense. “fuck,” he muttered under his breath, so low you almost didn’t hear it.

you swallowed hard, biting your lip as you watched him, your heart still racing. does he know? you had no idea what was going to happen next, but the anticipation, the danger of it, was making your entire body hum with tension.

jay didn’t seem to notice anything suspicious at all, his tension dissolving when his phone buzzed in his pocket. you held your breath, your pulse hammering in your ears as the sound felt too loud in the cramped closet space.

your hand instinctively clasped over your mouth, trying to muffle the sound of your own breathing. shit, calm down, you told yourself, but fuck, it felt like you were going to give yourself away any second.

"yeah?" jay answered, voice low, irritation lacing his tone.

heeseung’s voice came through the phone, loud enough for you to catch snippets of the conversation. “dude, what the fuck? you ditched class without even telling me? we could’ve bailed together!”

jay sighed heavily, clearly agitated. "i didn’t want to hang out. i just want to be alone right now."

you watched through the narrow slits of the closet door as jay pinched the bridge of his nose, pacing back and forth in frustration. fuck, this was a disaster.

you were crouched in his closet like a fucking lunatic, and the tension was making everything worse. jay's mood, your presence, the fact that he didn’t know you were right there—it all made the air thicker, heavier.

"yeah, well, next time fucking tell me, man," heeseung barked, clearly pissed. "you’re being weird as shit lately."

"i’m fine," jay snapped, his voice tight with barely restrained anger. "i just need some space."

you could feel his agitation rolling off him in waves, making you hold your breath even harder, terrified that one wrong move would give you away. his words stung more than you wanted to admit. space. was this because of you?

jay ended the call with a sharp "later," his frustration palpable as he tossed his phone onto the bed. the device landed with a soft thud, but you were too focused on him to care about anything else.

with a grunt, jay slung his backpack off his shoulder, letting it fall to the floor with a heavy thud. he stood there for a moment, running a hand through his hair, his agitation visible in every tense movement of his body. then, without warning, he grabbed the hem of his shirt and pulled it over his head in one swift motion.

you froze, your eyes widening as you took in the sight of him. damn. jay was lean, muscles subtly defined in a way that caught you off guard. the soft light in the room highlighted the curve of his shoulders, the smooth skin of his back, the way his chest rose and fell with each agitated breath. your heart pounded harder as you stared, the heat between your legs intensifying.

it was impossible not to gawk at him. he was right there, shirtless, and you were hidden just a few feet away, watching like some kind of perverted voyeur.

jay muttered something under his breath, clearly still pissed about the call with heeseung, but you weren’t paying attention to his words. all you could focus on was his body, the way his muscles shifted as he moved. you bit your lip hard, trying to keep from making any noise, trying to control your breathing as your gaze roamed over him.

your thoughts were racing, a whirlwind of desire and guilt and sheer panic that he might catch you at any moment.

jay moved across the room, and you snapped out of your daze just in time to see him reach down toward the bottom of his dresser. is that a shoe box? you squinted, straining to see what the hell he was doing, still trying to keep yourself as quiet as possible in your cramped hiding spot.

he pulled out the box, staring at it for a moment before he opened the lid, revealing something inside that you couldn’t quite see from your angle. but whatever it was, it clearly rattled him.

“fucking hell,” jay muttered under his breath, the frustration clear in his voice. he stared down at the item inside the box like it held some kind of power over him, like just seeing it brought all that pent-up emotion crashing to the surface.

your heart pounded in your chest, curiosity eating away at you. what was in it? you bit your lip, your mind racing. it had to be something personal, something connected to everything he’d been hiding. your pulse quickened even more, your thoughts spinning wildly.

was that it? jennie?

jay ran a hand through his hair again, exhaling sharply, his body tense as if he were warring with himself internally. you could see the weight of whatever was going on inside his head, the way he seemed on edge, like he was at his breaking point.

you stayed perfectly still, not daring to move, not daring to make a sound. your heart was racing, your body reacting in ways you didn’t expect, torn between the thrill of being this close to his secret and the realization that you were seeing a side of jay no one else had.

jay pulled it out of the box, and fuck, there it was—jennie. the damn sex doll. except, it wasn’t a full-sized model like you’d imagined. it was just the lower half, tiny, just the silicone molded vagina and ass, small enough to fit in his hands.

your heart pounded in your chest as you watched him stare at it, almost like he was examining it for the first time. the way he looked at it—fuck, it was like nostalgia, like there were memories attached to this goddamn thing.

the little breath he let out, the way he turned it over in his hands, the silicone object slightly bouncing as he held it—was he going to use it?

your jaw dropped, hypnotized.

jay's fingers moved slowly, spreading the lips of the doll’s pussy open, staring inside like he was mesmerized. oh my god. your breath caught in your throat, trembling as you watched, his hands stretching the silicone flesh, spreading it as if he was testing its elasticity.

your entire body froze, torn between the raw arousal pooling deep in your core and the sheer disbelief that you were witnessing this. what the fuck, that was so hot for no reason.

your breath caught in your throat, and you nearly let out a whimper as you watched jay slide two fingers into the silicone flesh, stroking it slowly. the sight was enough to send a wave of heat straight through you, pooling between your legs. his fingers moved with practiced ease, like this wasn’t the first time he’d done this, like he knew exactly how to make it feel real, even though it was just a damn toy.

fuck, you thought, your entire body trembling. he’s really doing it.

jay’s face was focused, almost intent, as he worked his fingers inside the doll, his jaw clenched like he was trying to keep his composure. the little noises of the silicone as he moved—it was fucking obscene, and yet you couldn’t tear your eyes away. every part of your body felt like it was on fire, like the tension was going to drive you over the edge just from watching him.

the image of him, fingers deep inside that tiny doll, stroking it like he was getting ready for more—your breath shallow as you tried to stay perfectly still, terrified of making any noise, but it was so hard not to react.

your body was betraying you, the heat between your legs making you press your thighs together, desperate for relief. you were watching something so raw, so private, and the fact that you were witnessing it in secret only made it worse.

jay sighed, pulling his fingers out of the doll, the slick noise almost too loud in the quiet room. as he moved to the bed, still holding jennie in his hands. he didn’t rush, there was something methodical about the way he moved, like this was just another routine. he laid back against the headboard, his shirtless body stretched out, the sex doll resting casually on his stomach, like it was no big deal.

your mind was spinning. he was just lounging there, scrolling through his phone like he didn’t have a tiny fucking sex doll laying on top of him. your legs trembled, heat coursing through you as you tried to comprehend the absurdity of it all, but also how insanely hot it was in a way you couldn’t explain.

his fingers absentmindedly toyed with the edge of the silicone, stroking it occasionally while he scrolled through whatever was on his phone. his face was relaxed, almost casual, like this was something he did often—just him and the fucking doll. and you've never been more jealous of a pocket pussy in your whole life.

you watched, barely able to breathe, as he smiled slightly at something on his phone. his thumbs moved quickly, typing away—probably responding to something or commenting on a post.

then you heard it, heeseung’s voice, loud and obnoxious, screaming some game jargon, the sounds of gunfire and explosions cutting through the air. of course, you thought, recognizing the chaos. heeseung had probably posted some video of his latest gameplay, and jay seemed to be getting a kick out of it.

then, suddenly, jay’s face grew somber, and you froze in place, holding your breath. your heart nearly stopped when you heard your own voice boom from his phone.

"LET’S PARTYY!!" you and hanna’s voices echoed, loud and clear—it was the video you’d posted earlier when you were out shopping for tonight, holding bottles of tequila, grinning like idiots. oh no, you thought, realization hitting you like a ton of bricks. he was watching your story.

his expression shifted, his smile fading into something more complicated, like he was torn between emotions he wasn’t sure how to process. you saw him sigh, his fingers pausing as he stared at the screen for a moment, biting his lip in thought. his eyes then darted down to jennie—and your breath hitched when you saw him squeeze the silicone doll tighter, his knuckles whitening slightly.

shit, you thought, trembling, feeling a rush of heat go straight through you as you watched him. the weight of everything became almost unbearable. he’s thinking about you. you could feel it. he was sitting there, staring at your story, your voice ringing in his ears, and here he was, gripping the fucking sex doll as if that could somehow make the tension inside him go away

and just like that, jay cursed under his breath before shoving his phone aside and ridding himself of his pants in one swift motion. "y/n," he groaned, the sound muffled as he buried his face in his pillow. your name on his lips, so raw, it sent goosebumps all over your skin.

he shifted onto his stomach, laying there with jennie still clutched in his hands, bringing it closer to his face. you could see the way his muscles tensed and relaxed, like he was trying to keep control but couldn’t. his fingers traced over the silicone as if it were you, his frustration and desire clear in every movement. he still scrolled through his phone for a moment, but it was aimless now, just something to distract him while the thoughts in his head spun out of control.

he groaned your name again, this time a little louder, his breath ragged as he gripped jennie tighter. your heart pounded so loud you were sure he could hear it, your entire body frozen as you watched the raw desire spilling from him.

you almost gagged, your hand instinctively flying to your mouth as you watched jay shamelessly dive in, pressing his face against the silicone pussy lips of the doll.

he licked it, his eyes closed, brows furrowed in concentration, like he was imagining it was you instead. tongue prodding through it's lips, slowly flicking, the sound of him sighing in satisfaction, mixed with the obscene wet noises from the doll, had you shuddering.

jay was fully immersed, his body tense and rigid as he buried his face deeper, licking slowly and deliberately, like he was savoring every second of it. his hands gripped jennie tightly, pulling it closer as if he couldn’t get enough, his lips dragging over the silicone with such intensity that it made your stomach twist. fuck, he’s really into this.

you could see it on his face—eyes shut tight like he was lost in some fantasy he couldn’t pull himself out of.

jay groaned again, shifting suddenly as if the pressure inside him had built up too much. with a strangled grunt, he propped himself up on his knees, reaching for something on his nightstand. your breath hitched when you saw the bottle in his hands—lube. okay, how had you missed that? the bottle wasn’t even labeled, just some clear liquid, but jay handled it with ease, like this was routine. wow, subtle, you thought, biting your lip as you watched.

he squeezed a generous amount into his palm, slicking it over jennie with slow, deliberate movements. his fingers teased the silicone clit, even flicking it as he smothered the doll in lube, his breathing growing heavier. when he slipped his fingers back in, he let out a dreamy sigh, his head tilting back slightly, lost in the sensation.

and then, finally, jay pulled his cock out. your eyes widened, your breath catching in your throat. god, he was big. thick, meaty, his cock slapping against his lower stomach with a heavy, wet sound. he was neatly groomed, the veins running down his shaft prominent, and the sight of him—so raw, so exposed—made your head spin.

your pulse raced as you watched him stroke himself, his fingers spreading the lube over his cock, making it glisten in the low light of his room. every movement was slow, and fuck, you couldn’t take your eyes off him. the heat between your legs was unbearable now, your body reacting to every single detail, to the way his muscles flexed, the way his breath hitched as he touched himself.

jay lined himself up with jennie, groaning your name under his breath again, and the sound sent a shiver down your spine.

"y/n," jay moaned, the sound of your name falling from his lips as he hovered over jennie, teasing the head of his cock against the slick, wet folds of the doll. "shit, you want it?" he groaned, his voice low and strained, full of pent-up desire.

your heart pounded in your chest, the heat between your legs unbearable as you watched him, his movements slow, teasing. your fingers trembled as they slid down, almost against your will, slipping under the waistband of your shorts.

the sight of him, the way he was moaning your name, the way he was fucking thinking about you—it was driving you insane.

jay bit his lip, his body tense as he pushed just the tip inside, groaning louder as his hips shifted. "fuck, y/n, you’d feel so good around me," he murmured, your fingers moved instinctively, rubbing against your aching clit as you watched him, adrenaline coursing through your veins.

you couldn’t stop. you were caught in the heat of the moment, every word he said, every movement of his hips, making your entire body throb with need. his hand gripped the base of his cock as he slowly slid deeper into the doll, the wet sound of it obscene in the quiet room. you try to mirror his movements, your fingers working faster against yourself.

"take my fucking cock," jay groaned, his hips moved in a slow, almost torturous rhythm, his cock disappearing into the slick silicone, but all he could think about was how you’d feel wrapped around him. .

"your pussy is so tight... so fucking good," jay moaned, his voice ragged as he thrust deeper into jennie, but in his mind, it was you. every movement, every sound, was for you.

"you like that?" jay pants, his hand gripping the edge of the bed as he sped up, his thrusts growing more erratic, more desperate. "tell me how good i'm fucking you." he mumbles, he was losing himself.

you sigh shakily, trying to keep from making a sound. his back arched, muscles flexing as he pumped faster, harder, the wet sounds of him fucking jennie filling the room. your name fell from his lips again, a low growl, and it sent a shiver straight through you, pushing you closer and closer to the edge.

you’d feel so good around me, his voice echoing in your head.

jay gasped, his pace growing faster, more desperate, the bed creaking beneath him as his hips snapped forward. you could practically see the head of his cock pushing so deep into the tiny silicone hole that it nearly bulged through the other side. he was literally fucking through the damn thing.

you imagined what it would be like if he were inside you instead. if he could do that to a toy, what would it feel like to have him that deep, to be stretched out around him?

he let out another strangled moan, his hands gripping the doll tighter as he drove himself harder, his entire body trembling.

"y/n—shit, fuck yeah," he groaned, his voice shaking. if he was inside you, he’d ruin you, fuck you so deep you’d feel him everywhere, fill you up until you couldn’t take anymore. the thought made your thighs clench together, your fingers moving faster as you imagined him pounding into you, that same desperate need in his voice.

"i'm close, fuck—" he panted, his breath ragged, his hips slamming against jennie as his cock drove deeper. "i bet sunghoon could never fuck you like this."

oh god.

"you want my cum? huh? want me to cum in your pussy?" jay seethed, you were drenched, your hand shook as you carefully pulled down your cotton shorts and panties. you leaned back, pressing into his coats to muffle any noise you might make. the soft fabric cushioned your body, but your mind was miles away, completely fixated on jay—his moans, his body, the way he was losing himself.

you were dripping, your fingers sliding through your slickness, the pressure building as you bit down hard on the edge of your shirt, using it to stifle any noise that might slip out. so fucking close, to being caught driving you wild.

through the gaps in the wooden slats, you peeked at him, his muscles straining as he thrust harder. "come on, tell me," he panted, his voice thick and desperate, "i always fill you up so good don't i? tell me you fucking love it before i pump you full of my cum."

your body jerked as his words sent shockwaves through you, like you could feel the way his cock would pulse around you, you were drooling. he’s close, you thought, biting harder into your shirt, your body shaking as you rode the edge with him, knowing you were about to fall apart just as he was.

"yeah? you want it? beg for it." jay's voice was rough, desperate, the words pushing you over the edge as your fingers thrust in and out of your soaked cunt, the knot in your stomach forming. your eyes squeezed shut, god, you were about to cum.

but then, without thinking, you let out a soft, breathless moan. "please," you whispered, the word slipping out before you could stop it.

shit.

the sound hung in the air, and in an instant, everything stopped. the wet, obscene sounds of jay fucking the doll, his grunts and heavy breathing—all of it came to a sudden halt.

your heart dropped, panic flooding your body as you slapped a hand over your mouth, eyes flying open in shock. you totally fucked up, your breath caught in your throat as you stayed completely still, frozen in place, hoping beyond hope that he hadn’t heard you.

but it was too late. you could hear jay shift, the silence between you deafening. his breathing had changed—quieter, more alert.

"who’s there?" his voice was low, edged with confusion, and you knew he had heard you. you pressed your hand harder against your mouth, your entire body trembling with fear and embarrassment.

you heard the unmistakable sound of shuffling—jay was moving, probably scrambling to put some clothes on. panic seized you, and you dug yourself deeper into the closet, your body pressing against the fabric of his coats in a pathetic attempt to hide. your heart raced, pounding so loud you were sure he could hear it through the door.

then, the closet door creaked open slowly, and your eyes went wide in sheer terror. jay stood there, half-naked, only in his boxers, a fucking bat clutched in one hand. his hair was a mess, his chest still glistening with sweat, but the most absurd part was that his cock was still hard, tenting his boxers like he hadn’t come down from the moment at all.

"who the fuck is in here?" his voice was low, edged with tension as his eyes scanned the closet. he hadn’t spotted you yet, but it was only a matter of time. your entire body trembled, pressed against the back of the closet, trying to make yourself as small as possible.

and then, his eyes landed on you.

jay froze, his expression shifting from confusion to sheer disbelief. "y/n?" his voice cracked slightly, like he couldn’t believe what he was seeing. the bat lowered, forgotten in his hand as his brain struggled to catch up.

you were caught—there was no way out now.

jay’s eyes locked onto yours, and in that split second, the disbelief on his face morphed into something darker—something between confusion, anger, and sheer disbelief.

“are you fucking serious?” he growled, his voice low, dangerous. he let the bat drop to the floor with a dull thud, stepping closer to where you were crouched, his broad, still-sweaty chest rising and falling heavily. his body towered over you, cock still rock-hard and tenting his boxers, the tension in the room suffocating.

“what the fuck are you doing in my closet?” his voice was tight, like he was holding back a storm of emotions—rage, shock, but there was something else too. desire. his eyes flickered with it, almost daring you to explain yourself.

you were trembling, mouth dry, scrambling for words but coming up with nothing. fuck, you were pinned in place, completely trapped. his messy hair, the wild look in his eyes, the way his body practically radiated heat—it all made the situation unbearable. you swallowed hard, still pressing yourself further against the coats, like there was anywhere to hide now.

“i… i heard something,” you stammered, knowing how dumb it sounded, especially as his gaze dropped to your shorts, which were still tangled around your thighs. the way his eyes darkened when he saw how exposed you were sent a wave of humiliation and arousal crashing over you.

“bullshit.” jay’s voice was thick, his body stepping closer, looming over you. “you were fucking watching me, weren’t you?” his tone was accusatory, but it wasn’t just anger. you could hear the edge of it—the thrill. he was piecing everything together, and as the realization set in, his breathing deepened, his cock twitching in his boxers.

you tried to speak, to deny it, but your voice caught in your throat as he crouched down, his face inches from yours now. “you were hiding in my closet, getting off while I fucked a doll, and now you’re trying to pretend you weren’t?” his voice was low, almost a whisper, filled with something dark and dangerous.

"s-sorry, i know how this looks," you stammer, your voice barely a whisper as the weight of the moment crashes down on you. your words hang in the air, fragile and trembling as you watch him, feeling the heat radiating off his body. but it’s not enough—not even close—to stop what’s about to happen.

jay’s gaze darkens, his eyes lowering, and then he sees it—really sees it. your shorts are pulled down mid-thigh, your panties already pushed to the side, leaving nothing to the imagination. the briefest glimpse of your pussy lips catches his eye, and you can see his jaw clench. his face tightens, and for a second, he just stares before rolling his eyes, like the fucked-up situation had just reached another level.

“fuck,” jay mutters under his breath, running a hand through his hair, clearly trying to process what he’s seeing.

“you’re… unbelievable,” he says, voice tight as his eyes roam over your body. it’s not judgmental, not anymore. it’s a mixture of frustration and desire, the kind that’s simmering just under the surface, waiting to explode. “and i thought i was fucked up… but this?”

his hand twitches at his side like he’s debating what to do, but you can tell—he’s already made up his mind. the heat between you two is undeniable, and shit, you can feel the way your own body is betraying you, the slickness between your thighs only making this more intense.

“come here,” jay growled, his voice rough, commanding, the words hanging in the air like a challenge. his dick was still straining hard against his boxers, thick and heavy, the outline so obvious it made your breath hitch.

your mind was spinning, trying to make sense of the situation, but nothing clicked. this was jay—the same jay who blushes when he talks to you, who’s always awkward and shy—and now look at him.

you were practically shaking the whole time, and you didn’t know if it was from fear or the undeniable desire coiling tighter and tighter inside of you. you should be running. but you also liked this side of him too. you should be pulling up your shorts, getting the hell out of here. but you couldn’t. not when his eyes were locked onto you like that.

“what are you waiting for?” jay’s voice was low, dangerous, and fuck, it sent shivers down your spine. his tone, his body language—he was different now, no longer the blushing boy who used to fumble his words around you. this was the real him, the one who’d been hiding beneath that awkward exterior all this time.

you swallowed hard, your legs feeling weak as you stood there—your pussy still slick, the heat pooling deep inside you, pulsing with the same desire you could see in jay’s eyes.

“i’m not asking again,” jay said, his voice tightening, frustration and need clear on his face.

jay walked back to his bed, each step deliberate, slow, like he was giving you time to take in what was happening. he sat down on the edge, his elbows resting on his knees, his dark eyes locked onto yours. his gaze was intense, unwavering, filled with something raw and predatory.

“sit with me,” he said, his voice low, steady, but there was a challenge in it. the way he was looking at you—it made your pulse race, your legs feel like jelly.

part of you screamed to leave, to stop this before it went too far, but another part of you—the bigger part—wanted nothing more than to follow him, to see where this would lead.

he sat there, waiting, daring you to close the space between you. his eyes flicked down to your exposed thighs, taking in how your panties were still pulled to the side, how ready you were, and his lips twitched, almost like he knew what was going through your head.

the way he was looking at you, commanding you without even having to raise his voice—it made your entire body ache. your heart pounded in your chest as you hesitated for a moment, your legs trembling as you took a shaky step forward.

jay didn’t move, just watched you intently, his elbows still resting on his knees, waiting. “i don't fucking have all day,” he muttered, his voice even rougher now, his patience running thin.

and without even thinking, you moved. you reached down, hands shaking as you tried to pull your shorts back up, the embarrassment burning your face. your mind screamed, but your body was on autopilot. you were halfway there, about to cover yourself up. you couldn’t even dare to look at him, your heart pounding in your chest like a drum.

jay’s hands hovered over your thighs, not quite touching, but close enough that you could feel the heat radiating from his skin. his breath was deep, ragged, like he was trying to steady himself, trying to believe this was really happening. fuck, it was like he couldn’t even believe you were standing in front of him, shorts halfway down, so vulnerable, so exposed.

“stop. don’t pull them up.” his words were sharp, commanding, leaving no room for argument. your hands froze, still gripping the waistband of your shorts, your breath catching in your throat. the intensity in his voice sent a shiver down your spine, and you slowly let go of the fabric, letting your shorts hang awkwardly around your hips.

jay’s gaze was dark, hungry, roaming over you with an intensity that made your skin prickle. his eyes lingered on the space between your thighs, the way your panties were still askew, showing more than you ever meant to. he leaned back slightly, his elbows still on his knees, but his entire posture screamed control.

“come closer,” he said again, softer this time, but no less demanding

his eyes flickered, tracing every inch of your body, and for a split second, you could see it in his face—the disbelief, the hunger, the way he was completely entranced by you. his fingers twitching as they hovered near your thighs, like he was waiting for permission, like he was afraid to break the moment.

and then his eyes dropped lower, down between your legs. could he smell how wet you were?

the realization hit you hard, making your entire body burn with anticipation and need. you were soaked, dripping with arousal, and it was impossible to hide. his breathing deepened even more, nostrils flaring as his eyes darkened, the tension between you snapping tight like a rubber band about to break.

“fuck,” jay muttered under his breath, his voice low and strained, almost reverent as he took you in. his fingers finally grazed the soft skin of your thigh, so gentle it almost didn’t feel real. “you’re so fucking wet,” he murmured.

jay’s hands moved with purpose now, one of them sliding between your thighs, fingers brushing dangerously close to where you were dripping. his other hand gripped your inner thigh firmly, pushing it to the side, spreading you open to get a better view. his eyes darkened as he stared, taking in the sight of you exposed for him.

his thumb brushed over the slick fabric of your panties, grazing your swollen lips, and the sensation sent a shockwave through your body. your breath hitched, your legs trembling as you tried to stay steady, but it was impossible with the way he was touching you, the way his gaze devoured every inch of you.

oh god—it was too much, but fuck, you wanted more.

"care to tell me why you were spying on me?" jay asks, his voice dripping with satisfaction as his thumb grazed your slick skin. the sensation made you tremble, your legs barely holding you steady. he leaned in closer, his breath hot against your thighs as he stared up at you, his eyes dark with amusement and lust.

"i'm dying to know," he added, his voice low, teasing, as his thumb pressed harder, sliding against your swollen clit.

you couldn’t speak, your mind spinning from the intensity of his touch, from the weight of his question. you knew he could see exactly how much you wanted this—even though you shouldn’t.

"i… i'm sorry…" you stammered as jay’s thumb circled your clit again, sending shockwaves through you, making it impossible to form a coherent sentence. your knees almost buckling as they shook.

he smirked, clearly enjoying how flustered you were, how much control he had over you in this moment. "come on," he murmured, his voice low and teasing. "you can do better than that, can’t you? tell me why you were spying on me."

your breath hitched, your brain short-circuiting, all you could feel was his hand between your thighs, the slick heat pooling there, and the way he was pushing you to the edge.

"i said i’m sorry," you whispered, your voice shaky, barely able to get the words out as jay’s thumb pressed harder on your clit.

jay’s smirk widened, his fingers still working you over, teasing you relentlessly. "sorry doesn’t explain why you were spying on me," he murmured, his voice dripping with amusement as his other hand gripped your thigh tighter, keeping you in place. "but I guess I don’t mind the answer as long as you keep squirming like this."

he leaned in closer, his breath hot against your skin, eyes flickering with something darker. "go on, tell me more. unless you’d rather just show me how sorry you are."

"fuck, jay, wait," you gasped, trying to shove his arms away, panic and pleasure swirling together as your hands pushed against him. but jay was stronger, his grip firm and unyielding as he fought against your weak attempts to stop him. his fingers dug into your thigh, pulling you closer, nearly making you stumble, but before you could find your footing, he locked your thighs in his arms, trapping you in place.

your heart raced, and you barely managed to steady yourself by planting one foot on the edge of his bed. the shift in position sent a jolt of heat through your body, his face dangerously close to where you were slick and exposed.

"you’re not going anywhere," jay muttered, voice low and dark, his breath hot against your inner thigh as he held you there, his grip relentless.

"i'm waiting," jay growled, his voice low and dripping with impatience as his fingers gripped you tighter, pulling you even closer. "tell me, why the fuck were you spying on me?"

"did you like it?" jay asked, his grip on your thighs tightening. "how I fucked jennie?" the question hit you like a shockwave, your breath catching in your throat. you couldn’t answer, couldn’t even look at him.

he smirked, clearly enjoying the power he had over you, the way you were unable to form words. "yeah," he hissed, his voice dark and taunting. "i think you did. the way you were watching, hiding in my closet, getting yourself off. you liked it, didn’t you?"

your body responded even as your mind screamed for control, the heat between your legs pulsing harder with each word he said.

"confident much?" you managed to say, but your voice shook, the words were meant to sound teasing, defiant, but they came out weak, unconvincing as you tried to regain some control over the situation.

jay’s smirk only deepened at your pathetic attempt to push back. his eyes were locked on you, dark and full of desire. "oh, come on," he muttered, voice low and mocking as his hands traced your trembling thighs.

his fingers slid dangerously close to where you were slick and exposed, making your breath hitch. "i can feel how much you liked it," he continued, voice rougher now. "you’re soaking, and all because you watched me fuck a toy, imagining it was you."

"but it was me," you weakly bite back, the words barely leaving your lips as your body trembled under his touch.

jay's fingers, which had been teasing your pussy, suddenly stilled. he pulled them back slowly, staring at you with disbelief, his jaw clenched tight. "you are so fucking unbelievable," he growled, voice low and thick with frustration.

then, without warning, he thrust a finger into you roughly, but the slickness of your folds made it glide in smoothly, the feeling almost too good. you let out a shaky breath, your body arching toward him involuntarily.

"first," he hissed, his voice full of raw intensity, "you make me fucking admit that I jack myself off with a sex doll, just for you. the person I've been wanting for years now, making me feel like a fucking loser. embarrassed. fucking ashamed. like I'm some kind of pervert."

his finger flicked deeper inside you, sending a shockwave of pleasure through your core, and you gasped, biting your lip hard to keep from crying out.

"and then you," he continued, his words dripping with disbelief and lust, "you end up in my closet, watching me. are you a fucking perv, too?"

yes, you thought, the word echoing in your mind, but you couldn’t bring yourself to say it out loud.

jay’s eyes bore into you, his finger still buried deep inside you, but he wasn’t moving, just staring, his voice low and dangerous as he asked, “are you here to embarrass me? is that it? is that why you were spying on me—to make fun of me?”

his words cut deep, and you could feel the weight of his frustration, the vulnerability he’d just exposed to you twisted into something dark. he thought you were here to humiliate him? but it couldn’t be further from the truth.

you opened your mouth to respond, but no words came out. you didn’t know how to explain that this wasn’t about making fun of him—it was about something far more fucked up.

“because you know about my stupid crush on you, right?” jay’s voice was dripping with frustration, his finger still inside you, but unmoving. “is this your way of getting back at me? laughing at how pathetic i am? you think it's funny?”

his words stung, his tone laced with anger and vulnerability, he thought you were here to humiliate him, to make fun of the fact that he had been harboring a crush on you for years. that all of this—his shame, his embarrassment—was something you found amusing. fuck, you could see it in his eyes, how much this hurt him, how much he thought you were here to tear him apart.

"jay, no," you finally answer back, your voice shaky, barely audible. "i didn’t come here to make fun of you." your breath was catching in your throat, the shame in his voice cutting through you, making your heart ache. "it’s not like that… i—"

but before you could finish, his finger twitched inside you, rougher this time, and you gasped, your body betraying you once again, sending a jolt of pleasure through you. "then why?" he pushed you further, his eyes narrowing. "you wanna tell me what the fuck this is, if it’s not to humiliate me?" "i got curious," you hiccuped, your voice shaky. "i… never thought it was funny… i thought it was hot."

"i wanted to know what jennie looked like… what you were into… i… shit—" you struggled to get the words out, your breath catching as jay's fingers twitched inside you again, this time with more intent.

your voice trembled, barely holding it together as you tried to explain. "i wanted to know what turned you on." the words slipped out before you could stop them, raw and honest, cutting through the tension like a blade. your heart pounded in your chest as jay froze, his eyes widening just slightly, disbelief flickering across his face.

"what?" he asked, his expression faltering a bit. his finger inside you twitched, but this time it wasn’t out of frustration—it was from the shock of your confession.

"i thought it was fucking hot," you whispered again, your voice barely more than a breath, the shame still heavy but mixed with the undeniable arousal coursing through you. "watching you… thinking about how badly you wanted me. fuck, jay… i wanted it, too."

"but i'm just a loser, aren't i?" jay’s voice was rough, his breath heavy as his fingers curled inside you, sending a shockwave of pleasure through your body. "why would you…?" he trailed off, his voice breaking slightly as if he couldn’t quite believe what you were saying, or what was happening between the two of you.

"the way you ignored me for years," jay muttered, "i liked you so much, y/n. fuck. you made me feel like an idiot." his fingers stilled inside you for a moment, his eyes locking with yours, full of emotions he had clearly been holding back for too long.

you shook your head, barely able to keep your thoughts straight as his thumb rubbed your clit, pushing you further toward the edge. "you’re not a loser," you whispered, your voice shaky, trying to hold on to whatever control you had left. "fuck, jay, I never thought that." "can you promise you're not just here because you wanted to see how pathetic i am?" jay's voice cracked slightly, and when you looked at him, you saw his eyes were glassy, tears he was trying so hard to hold back. the sight of him like that—so vulnerable, so raw—made your chest tighten.

you frowned, shaking your head, your heart breaking at the thought that he believed that. "i promise jay… it’s not like that," you whispered, your voice soft but firm. "i swear. i’m not here to make you feel like shit. i’m not here to laugh at you."

his fingers loosened their grip on your thigh, his expression faltering as he struggled to process your words. you could see the pain etched across his face, years of doubt and self-loathing surfacing in that one question.

his hands loosened their grip on your thigh, and you moved to sit beside him on the bed. though it did feel extremely uncomfortable for your bare, wet pussy to be kissing his sheets. lowkey, you were concerned it would leave some sort of stain.

jay’s eyes searched yours, desperate for reassurance, for something to tell him that this wasn’t some twisted game. you could see the uncertainty etched across his face, the way he was still bracing himself for the worst.

"jay," you whispered, reaching out to cup his cheek gently. the moment your fingers touched his skin, he shuddered, his eyes fluttering shut for a second, like he couldn’t believe this was real. his breath hitched, and when he opened his eyes again, they were soft.

jay’s expression twisted, like he was struggling to absorb everything, your touch, your voice. his lip trembled slightly, and he looked at you like he still couldn’t trust that you were really here with him. "why now?" his voice barely audible, like he was afraid of the answer.

you leaned in closer, your forehead resting gently against his. "because i didn’t know how much you meant to me until now," you admitted, your voice soft, but full of the truth. "and fuck, jay… i didn’t realize how much i wanted this."

"sure, you’re kind of awkward," you say with a soft smile, your thumb still brushing against his cheek. "but i see you jay. i don’t think you ever realized."

he blinked, his lips parting slightly in surprise, the vulnerability still there in his eyes, but now mixed with something else—hope.

"i’ve even been talking to hanna about hooking up with you," you admitted with a nervous laugh, watching his reaction carefully. "crazy, right?"

jay’s eyes widened, and for a moment, he just stared at you like he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. "you… what?" he stammered and he blinked rapidly, clearly processing what you’d just confessed. "yeah," you laughed softly, the sincerity in your voice making him listen even more closely. "like, it started out as a light joke between hanna and me, but then i realized i was genuinely interested in you. you were so cute, jay. always blushing, stuttering around me." you paused, his eyes never left yours.

"but before i could actually act on it," you continued, your voice softer now, "you started seeing that girl. and if i wasn’t sure about what i wanted before, fuck—i knew it the second i got jealous."

jay blinked, processing your words, his face a mix of disbelief, "no way," he muttered, shaking his head like he couldn’t believe what he was hearing.

"yeah," you nodded, a smile tugging at your lips. “although i did start to doubt your feelings for me when you got your cherry popped, i’ve known for a while. it was hard to admit to myself, though. i thought you’d finally moved on because… well, i wasn’t giving you any time of day.”

jay blinked, taking in your words, his expression shifting as you continued. “but i knew, jay. you weren’t exactly subtle,” you teased gently, a small smile tugging at your lips.

he let out a shaky laugh, running a hand through his hair. "i thought i was being so careful. i was so sure i was hiding it," he muttered, clearly embarrassed. "but i guess i was just making it worse."

"yeah," you chuckled softly. "but in a way, that’s what made you so… you. and now...here we are."

"then when i found out that you have a jennie," you chuckle, remembering the rush of that moment. "i… couldn’t stop thinking about it." the memory played in your mind—the way your pulse raced when you stood outside his door, the thoughts that swirled in your head.

jay's eyes widened, a mix of embarrassment and disbelief flashing across his face. "what the hell," he cursed under his breath, his voice shaky, "that's so fucking hot."

the confession hung heavy between you, the air thick with tension, but there was no mistaking the desire in his gaze. his fingers twitched like he wanted to reach out, to close the space between you, but he held back for a second, just staring at you, processing everything.

“i never thought you’d… even think about that,” he said, his voice rough with disbelief. “fuck, i thought i’d scared you off for good when you found out.”

"well, you didn't," you assure him, shaking your head, your voice soft but firm. you leaned in slightly, your hand still resting on his cheek, your thumb gently brushing his skin. "i wasn't scared off… if anything, it made me want you more."

jay’s breath hitched at your words, his eyes searching yours for any hint of doubt, but all he found was sincerity. his hands twitched, and he finally let himself close the gap between you, his lips dangerously close to yours, as if waiting for permission.

“shit,” jay whispers, his voice cracks, so close you can feel his breath on your lips, shaky, uncertain. his eyes keep darting between yours and your mouth, like he’s trying to hold himself back, trying to ask for permission. “can i kiss you?”

it’s a small sentence, but it knocks the wind out of you. everything else slips away—the noise outside, the world beyond this room—it’s just you and him now, and that invisible pull that’s been dragging you closer for longer than you want to admit.

your heart stumbles in your chest, the words barely making it out of your mouth. “yeah.” it’s a whisper, shaky, almost too quiet, but it’s enough. “kiss me, jay.”

and fuck, he doesn’t hesitate. the second the words leave your lips, he’s on you, lips crashing into yours like he’s been starving for this—like he's been holding it in, building it up. his hands grip your waist, tugging you closer until there’s no space left between you, nothing but heat and need.

his kiss, it’s desperate, almost frantic, like he’s afraid this is all a dream that’s gonna slip through his fingers if he lets up even for a second. your back hits the bed, jay’s hands never leaving you, pinning you there like he’s not about to let go now, not after years of this silent tension hanging between you.

“fuck,” he breathes out, voice thick with something heavy, something real, hovering just above you. his eyes—god, they’re dark, full of hunger, full of need as he takes you in, sprawled out beneath him, lips swollen, breath ragged.

his hands, they slide down your sides, fingers digging in just enough to make you gasp, like he’s scared you’ll disappear if he doesn’t hold on tight enough. the heat from his body seeps into you, muscles tight, chest rising and falling like he’s trying to catch his breath but can’t. neither can you. it’s too much, but not enough all at once.

“can’t believe i’m not fucking dreaming,” jay mutters, voice low, rough, his lips finding your neck, leaving these messy, desperate kisses along your skin. “you have no idea…”

his hands, they move fast now, fingers yanking down your shorts and panties in one quick motion, not even giving you time to think. the cold air hits you, makes you shiver, but it’s nothing compared to the heat from his body, from the way his hands are already running up your thighs, gripping hard, like he’s got you exactly where he’s wanted you all this time.

“fuck.” it’s more like a growl than a whisper as his fingers brush over you, teasing, feeling how soaked you already are. he pauses, eyes locked on yours, like he’s trying to wrap his head around the fact that this is real, that he’s touching you like this.

“you’re so fucking perfect,” jay mutters, almost to himself, voice hoarse. his fingers slide through your folds, teasing, and you can’t help it—your hips jerk up, body desperate for more. the heat between you is unbearable now, the tension ready to snap, and you know you’re both way past the point of no return.

his eyes locked on yours as his fingers slid through your wetness, groaning softly, like the sound came from deep in his chest. “you’re soaked,” he rasped, voice rough and full of hunger. “can’t fucking believe you’re letting me touch your pussy.”

the way he said it, raw and unfiltered, sent heat flooding through you. “i’ve imagined this so many fucking times,” jay groaned, desperation lacing his words, grinding against you, his cock hard and pressing into your heat, teasing you with every movement. his hands were everywhere—your waist, your thighs, your breasts—like he couldn’t stop himself, like he needed to touch every inch of you.

his breath came in ragged gasps, each grind of his hips sending jolts of pleasure through you, making you ache, making you want more. “you smell so good too... fuck,” he muttered, his voice hoarse as he buried his face in the crook of your neck, inhaling you, fingers tightening around your hips like he didn’t want to let go.

you could feel him trembling, his whole body shaking with need, his lips rough as they found your neck, kissing and biting, leaving marks that burned in the best way. “i’ve wanted you for so fucking long,” he murmured between those ragged kisses, his hips pressing harder against you, desperate. “y/n, you don’t even fucking know.”

his hands fumbled at your shirt, shaking as he tried to lift it off, the two of you clumsy with urgency. you raised your arms, helping him, and as soon as your breasts were exposed, his eyes went wide, a low moan slipping out of him. “oh fuck, look at those tits,” he groaned, voice thick, raw with lust.

he didn’t waste a second, mouth latching onto your nipple, sucking hard, his tongue flicking over the sensitive peak, making you gasp, making your back arch into him. his hands were rough, kneading your breasts, squeezing like he couldn’t get enough, completely lost in the moment, in you.

he groaned deep, overwhelmed, his hips still grinding into you, the pressure of his cock against your core making you dizzy with want. “you make me so fucking horny,” he rasped between sucks, his voice hoarse, breathless, but still, he kept going, devouring you like he couldn’t stop.

“i could do this forever,” jay growled, voice dripping with need, frantic but somehow still in control, still holding back just enough. his mouth left your breasts, trailing a slow, deliberate lick from the valley between them, and the look on his face when he did it? he was worshipping you, eyes dark, tongue hot against your skin, every touch sparking fire.

his mouth traveled lower, each slow, wet lick lighting your nerves on fire, his hands gripping your hips tight, keeping you still beneath him. when his mouth finally reached your pussy, his breath was hot against your folds, and he paused, eyes dark and hungry as he looked up at you, holding your gaze as he licked a painfully slow stripe over your clit.

your back arched, a moan spilling from your lips, fingers tangling in his hair, pulling him closer, desperate for more. jay’s eyes rolled back as he tasted you, his tongue swirling over your clit again, this time with more intent, more need. he growled against your pussy, the vibrations making you shudder as he moaned, his tongue lapping at your juices like he was starved for it.

he gripped your thighs, holding you steady as he devoured you, licking and sucking with this desperate hunger, lost in the taste of you. “you taste like fucking heaven,” he mumbled, voice rough and low, his tongue flicking over your clit again, sending shockwaves through your body, your moans filling the room as he buried himself in you, drawing out every bit of pleasure he could.

his tongue never stopped, flicking over your clit like he was starving for you. then his fingers slid in, two of them, so easily, and he groaned like he could barely handle how fucking hot and wet you were. shit, jay thought, his breath catching, the sensation hitting him harder than he expected. this is way better than finger fucking jennie.

“fuck... you’re so warm, so wet,” he muttered, his voice thick with disbelief, like he still couldn’t believe he was touching you like this. his fingers curled inside you, hitting that perfect spot, and it made you clench around him. his whole body shuddered, mouth still moving on your clit, tongue syncing up with his fingers. this is what it feels like, he thought, the reality of you pulsating under him driving him insane.

“fuck, y/n,” he groaned, flicking his tongue faster, his fingers working harder. every moan, every gasp from you had him responding without even thinking—sucking harder, curling his fingers deeper, like he was feeding off your pleasure. he can’t get enough of this.

you whimpered, fingers tight in his hair, tugging him closer, desperate. “fuck, jay,” you gasped, and the way you said his name made something snap inside him. he was losing it. completely.

“cum in my mouth,” he begged, voice rough, almost frantic. “can you squirt? please, i even practiced—fuck—please tell me you can. i need it. come on, y/n.” fuck, did i really just say that out loud?

you barely had time to process it, your body trembling on the edge, and his fingers kept hitting that spot with such perfect, relentless precision that you couldn’t stop it even if you tried. “please,” jay groaned again, his breath hot against you, his desperation raw and real. “i want to taste you, fuck, give it to me.”

and then you shattered.

you cried out, your body jerking uncontrollably as the pressure inside you finally snapped. holy shit, your brain barely functioned as you came, hard, and then it happened. oh my god, you squirted, and jay’s eyes went wide, filled with awe. then he dove in, tongue lapping at you like a man possessed, his face soaked, and he didn’t give a fuck. he was in it, devouring every drop.

“mmm, yes,” he groaned, dragging out your orgasm, drawing every last wave of pleasure from you, and you were shaking, gasping, thighs trembling as his tongue kept going.

then, he pulled back, just enough to look at you then... he spat right into your pussy. fuck, he thought, watching it drip down, rubbing it in like he was memorizing the way your body looked under him, your slickness spread wide, like he was getting off just watching you.

“i need to be inside you,” he growled, moving up, hovering over you, his cock pressing at your entrance. the tip teasing against you, the heat from him making you moan. “shit, you’re just letting me do this? why the fuck aren’t you stopping me?” his eyes fluttered shut, biting his lip. this is real. she’s really letting me do this.

“just put it in, jay,” you said, impatience in your voice as you grabbed his cock, tapping it against your pussy, and fuck, he almost lost it. “fuck,” he muttered, voice shaky, eyes glazed with lust. “and i was just imagining this...”

he teased you, barely pushing the head inside, pulling back, torturing both of you, and he could feel himself shaking, barely holding it together. “oh, fuck,” he groaned, pushing a little deeper, the stretch making your breath hitch.

“ask me,” you whispered, voice soft but full of need, staring up at him, your body trembling beneath him. god, you wanted him, but you wanted to hear it. you wanted him to ask for it, like he had with that stupid doll.

jay’s eyes snapped open, confusion flashing across his face, his cock still teasing at your entrance. “ask you?” he whispered, his voice hoarse, his hips twitching like he was barely holding himself back.

“yeah,” you breathed, your hands sliding up his back, nails lightly digging into his skin, pulling him closer. “ask me if i want it, like how you asked jennie earlier.”

he froze. his mind went blank for a second, and it was like every dirty fantasy he’d ever had about you just came crashing down into this moment. there’s no fucking way he's living another day without hearing you say it again.

“you really want me to?” his hips twitched again, the tip of his cock pressing into you just enough to drive you both crazy. “fuck,” he whispered, his voice raw, trying to get a grip on himself, but he couldn’t. not when you were looking at him like that.

“you want it?” he asked, his voice low, rough, his eyes locked with yours.

“yes,” you moaned, your hips moving back to meet his, teasing him, pushing him to the edge. “i want it, jay,” you whimpered, voice shaky, needy.

he fucking broke.

“you’re gonna fucking kill me,” he groaned, the last bit of restraint gone, and with one slow, deliberate thrust, he pushed inside, groaning loudly as he felt your tightness wrap around him. “oh fuck, fuck, i’m actually inside you,” he grunted, his jaw going slack as he sank deeper, eyes half-lidded, barely able to handle how good you felt around him.

his hips rocked slowly, sliding in and out, and he caught you watching him, watching how his cock disappeared into you. “you're crazy,” he groaned, voice low, teasing, “really watching me fuck you, huh? you like that?”

his hips rocked harder, pace picking up, his control slipping fast. “shit, you even got off watching me fuck a doll, didn’t you?” jay growled, his voice rough, his thrusts harder, more desperate now. he was losing it, completely wrecked.

he crashed his lips into yours, swallowing your moans, kissing you hard and messy, both of you gasping for air between each frantic movement. fuck, fuck, fuck, was all he could think as he drove into you.

“you fucking wanted it, didn’t you?” he muttered against your lips, his hips slamming into you. “did you get jealous?”

“yes,” you whimpered, trembling under him, nails digging into his back, pulling him closer, your moans spilling into his mouth.

his mind was spinning, his body shaking as he collapsed on top of you, his chest pressing into yours, his skin burning hot against yours. he was completely gone, wrecked by you, and there was no coming back from it now.

“oh god,” jay gasps, his breath ragged and hot against your neck, his lips pressing into your skin like he’s trying to mark you, desperate and trembling. “your pussy... fuck, yes. fucking—” his voice cracks, and you can feel him unravel, feel the restraint he’s been holding onto just slip away. his kisses trail along your neck, soft, shaky, his hands gripping your hips like they’re his lifeline.

“thought i’d never have you,” he whispers, and it’s not just the words—it’s how he says them, the rawness, the honesty in every syllable. his hips move slow, deliberate, deep like he’s savoring every second, every thrust laced with something more than just desire now. it’s intimate, vulnerable.

his heartbeat hammers against your chest, wild, erratic, like he’s barely holding it together. every kiss, every breath he takes, feels like he’s trying to memorize you, like he can’t believe this is happening.

“i’m so fucking happy,” jay whispers, his lips brushing your ear, voice thick with vulnerability that he’s never shown before. “can’t believe i’m fucking you. i don’t know what i’d do if this wasn’t real.”

your fingers trail up his back, tracing the muscles beneath his skin, grounding him, pulling him even closer. you’re here. this is real. “i’m not going anywhere, jay,” you murmur, your voice soft but firm, like a promise. “this is real. i want you too.”

jay shudders at your words, his breath hitching in his throat, his forehead pressing against yours as he struggles to hold himself together. “yeah? you want my cock?” he moans, his body trembling with how much he’s feeling. but before you can answer, he growls.

suddenly, he grips your thigh, throwing it over his shoulder with one swift motion. the new angle makes his thrusts deeper, harder, and you gasp, your body jolting with every thrust. fuck, that’s perfect, he thinks, biting his lip as he watches you squirm beneath him. he straddles your other leg, his hips moving with this almost brutal intensity, pounding into you like he can’t get deep enough.

“jay,” you yelp, every thrust knocking the air from your lungs. his hand grips your waist, tight, almost possessive, while the other hand squeezes your breast hard, his fingers digging into your skin, sending a sharp mix of pain and pleasure through you.

he leans over, pressing down on your stomach with one hand, and the pressure makes you feel every inch of him inside you, stretching you until you’re trembling. “holy shit,” you whimper, the sensation overwhelming, your walls clenching around him as his thrusts grow more desperate. fuck, i’m losing it, he thinks, but he doesn’t stop.

“fuck, i love your pussy, y/n,” jay pants, his voice rough, breathless as he slams into you harder, deeper, his cock stretching you so perfectly. “looks like you don’t even need jennie anymore, huh?” you tease, barely able to get the words out between gasps.

jay’s eyes flutter shut, his thrusts faltering for just a second before he goes even deeper. “hell no,” he breathes, his voice thick with lust. “i don’t think i ever wanna use her again.” not when he has this, he thinks, every thrust driving the thought deeper.

he leans forward, his hips snapping into you harder, faster, like he’s proving something—to himself, to you. “oh god, y/n,” he mutters, his voice raw as his hips move in a brutal rhythm. “i don’t think i can ever get enough of this.”

“gonna use this pussy instead,” jay growls, the words sending a shiver down your spine. god, i could stay buried in her forever, he thinks, and the thought almost makes him lose it.

you gasp, your body arching beneath him, the pleasure too much, overwhelming every sense. “fuck, jay,” you whimper, your nails digging into his arms as he drives into you, relentless.

“this pussy’s mine now.” he mutters, his breath hot against your skin as he leans down, his chest pressing into yours.

as he presses closer, his cock pushing even deeper inside you, you can feel the stretch, the pressure building inside you with every thrust. he tangles his fingers with yours, pinning your wrists above your head, his grip firm but gentle, just enough to hold you in place.

“oh shit, baby,” he groans, his voice low, filled with awe as his cock sinks impossibly deep, his hips stilling for a moment, letting you feel every inch of him. “i can feel your walls squeezing me. fuck, i’m so deep.” too fucking good, he thinks, his breath ragged as he watches your face, drinking in every moan, every gasp.

“you like that?” he pants, lips brushing your ear, his voice rough with need as he starts moving again, thrusting deep and slow, your body trembling with every push. “feels good, doesn’t it? fuck, look at that face.” god, you were beautiful, his hips faltering for just a second as he watches you fall apart beneath him.

he crashes his lips against yours, swallowing your moans, kissing you hard and desperate, both of you gasping for air between each messy kiss. his hands tremble slightly as they cradle your face, holding you like you might slip away.

then he anchors his hips, thrusting deep, holding himself inside you. his breath catching as he buries himself to the hilt, stretching you completely. you cry out, loud and unrestrained, the intensity almost too much.

“agh-too deep!” you gasp, your back arching off the bed, your body trembling as the sensation overwhelms you. jay groans, forehead pressed against yours, savoring the way your body tightens around him, holding him there, buried deep inside you.

“yes,” he breathes, his thrusts slowing down as his lips find your neck again, pressing soft, deliberate kisses against your skin. his breath is hot, ragged, and you can feel the emotion behind every move, every touch.

jay pressed a soft kiss to your neck, lingering there, almost like he was gathering the courage. his voice dropped low, barely a whisper, “can i leave a hickey?”

you could feel how hesitant he was, even though everything about the moment was electric. his hips slowed down to this deep, grinding rhythm, making your body hum, but there was this tension in the air as he waited for your answer, lips brushing your skin like he was holding his breath.

you giggled, giving him the green light. “of course.” no sooner had the words left your mouth, jay latched onto your neck, sucking hard. but he was impatient, the longer he stayed there, the more desperate he became, and before you could blink, he flipped you over in one quick, sudden motion. you yelped in surprise, the sound swallowed by the heat between you.

you gasped, straddling him now, his cock still inside you, and the new angle made you shudder. deeper, different, and it hit you right where you needed. fuck, this guy, you thought, half in awe of how quickly he turned the tables.

jay sat up, pulling you flush against his chest, one hand gripping your waist, the other already cupping your breast, his mouth latching onto your nipple. his breath came out hot and ragged against your skin, his lips leaving marks, bruising you like he wanted to claim every inch of you.

something sparked in you. you pushed him back, flipping the script again, feeling this rush of confidence you hadn’t felt before. god, you've never been fucked like this before, raw, real, his every touch pouring emotions into you that went way beyond just the physical. jay’s eyes stayed locked on yours, the look in them—this desperation, this need—it made your heart race.

but a small, nagging thought crept in, making your chest tighten. would this fade? would we fizzle out like every other relationship you had? you couldn’t stand the idea of losing this, losing him. you rocked your hips harder, chasing away the thought, moving against him with intent, feeling every inch of him deep inside you.

the way jay looked up at you, completely captivated, made you feel powerful. like you were everything he needed and more. and fuck, you wanted him too. not just now, but always.

“i want you, jay,” you whispered breathlessly, your hands pressing into his chest as you leaned over him, feeling the heat of him against you. “i want you to keep coming back for me.”

his eyes darkened, a growl rumbling in his chest. “you think i’m gonna stop now?” his voice was thick with intensity, hands gripping your hips tighter, pulling you down onto him, harder. “fuck no.”

his hips bucked up, matching your movements, each thrust deeper, harder, until the connection between you felt electric, like nothing could come between you now. “you’re mine,” he muttered, his voice low and breathless, his eyes locked onto yours as he watched the way your body moved above him. “and i’m not fucking going anywhere.”

“shit, come here whenever you want,” jay groaned, his voice ragged as he thrust up into you, his hands tightening on your hips like he never wanted to let go. “i’ll even bail on heeseung—fuck, i don’t care.”

his words made your head spin, the desperation in his voice clear as he lost himself in you. his eyes were locked on yours, filled with pure need. “you’re all i fucking want, y/n,” he growled, thrusting harder, his emotions crashing into every word.

“even if—” he struggled to speak, breath hitching as his hips snapped into you with more urgency. “even if you just want sex—I don’t care.” his voice cracked, his balls tightening, and you could feel him losing control, the tension in his body building with every thrust. “just let me have this again,” he panted, his body trembling, his eyes pleading even as he fucked you senseless. god, he’s so fucking cute, you thought, even now, as he was wrecking you. “please let me fuck you again, i’ll make you feel so good.”

you straightened up, taking full control as you rode him, your hands pressing against his chest, guiding the pace. jay’s eyes widened, his jaw dropping as he watched you, completely at your mercy. fuck, she’s gonna kill me, he thought, losing control fast.

“you’re gonna ride me?” he asked, his voice filled with disbelief, hands gripping your hips like he needed to ground himself. but he was already shaking beneath you, overwhelmed by how good you felt. “shit, shit, shit,” he gasped, voice cracking as he let out a near sob from the pleasure.

“fuck, you’re gonna make me cum—” jay’s voice broke, panic lacing his words as his climax rushed toward him. his grip on your hips tightened, like he was afraid to let go, but you didn’t stop. if anything, you pushed harder, grinding down on him until he was practically trembling beneath you.

“it’s okay,” you whispered, breathless but steady. “i’m on the pill. cum inside me.”

his eyes flew open, shock and disbelief written all over his face, his entire body shuddering as his control slipped completely.

“gonna pump your pussy full,” he groaned, his hips bucking up uncontrollably into you, chasing his release. “oh god—” his words broke off into incoherent babbles, his head thrashing against the pillow as his hips stuttered beneath you.

“shit, stop, i—fuck,” he whined, his voice cracking, his hands shaking as he tried to hold back, but it was too late. “i’m cumming, i’m fucking cumming,” he groaned, his body jerking violently as he emptied himself inside you, his entire world tilting. wave after wave of pleasure wrecked him, leaving him gasping for air.

jay’s body jerked beneath you, his breaths coming out ragged, his voice trailing off into soft, desperate whimpers as he rode out the overwhelming pleasure, completely lost in you.

you followed suit, your body trembling as the intense pleasure hit you all at once. your orgasm crashed over you, powerful and uncontrollable, and before you knew it, you were squirting all over jay’s cock. his eyes went wide, jaw dropping, staring at you like you’d just done something otherworldly.

"what the fuck," he hissed, voice shaky with disbelief. "you’re squirting all over me, y/n. shit, that’s so fucking hot."

his grip on your hips tightened, fingers digging into your skin as he rocked up into you again, unable to stop himself. the sight of you cumming like that, completely undone on top of him, had his head spinning. his chest heaved as he groaned, his own body trembling from the effort to hold back. "fuck, you’re incredible."

both of you stayed there for a moment, panting, the intensity of everything that had just happened sinking in. jay’s body was still shaking beneath yours, but his touch softened, his hands resting gently on your hips now, completely different from the rough, desperate grip he had moments ago.

jay was the first to break the silence, his breath shaky as he spoke, still clearly flustered. "so, um... was it just the dick? or... did you like me back, too?" his voice cracked a little, and he tried to play it casual, but his eyes gave him away. he was staring at you, nervous, waiting for your answer, still not quite sure where you stood.

you couldn’t help but chuckle softly, leaning down to press a kiss to his chest. "jay, seriously? after my whole confession earlier?" you teased, your fingers trailing lightly across his skin. "if I just wanted your dick, I wouldn’t have let you stay inside me like that."

he blinked, clearly processing your words, his expression shifting from surprised to something more bashful. "wait... so you actually like me? like, like me like me?" his voice cracked again, his face flushing red as if he hadn’t just fucked you senseless. the contrast between his confidence earlier and this adorable awkwardness now made you grin.

"yeah," you nodded, smirking at him. "i want something more. it’s not just about the sex, jay. though..." you bit your lip playfully, watching his blush deepen, "that was pretty damn amazing too."

jay’s eyes widened, his heart pounding visibly in his chest. for a moment, he looked like he couldn’t quite believe what he was hearing. he opened his mouth, but all that came out was an awkward, shy laugh. "holy shit, i didn’t think... i mean, i never thought you’d like me like that."

"why wouldn’t i?" you asked, leaning down to kiss his forehead, watching him melt under your touch. "you’re sweet, you’re cute, and you just rocked my fucking world."

jay’s face turned a deeper shade of red, and he awkwardly scratched the back of his neck. "can i, um... kiss you again?" he asked, voice barely above a whisper, still too shy to believe you’d say yes. his eyes were so full of vulnerability, like he couldn’t quite wrap his head around the fact that this was real.

you giggled, finding his awkwardness endearing, especially after everything you two had just done. "you don’t have to ask anymore, jay," you teased, leaning down to kiss him softly. his hands hesitantly slid up to cup your face as he kissed you back, slow and sweet.

when you pulled away, jay’s face was still flushed, his lips parted as he stared at you like you were the most unbelievable thing in the world. "i seriously can’t believe this is happening," he muttered, shaking his head slightly, a shy smile tugging at his lips.

"so... you’re my girlfriend now? or is there, like, a process?" jay asked, his voice soft but filled with nervousness, his eyes darting around like he wasn’t sure how to approach the situation. his awkwardness was so damn endearing, especially after everything you two had just done.

you couldn’t help but laugh, sitting up slightly, still straddling him. "a process?" you teased, grinning at him. "jay, i think after everything we just did, we’re skipping the process."

he blushed again, but a sheepish smile tugged at his lips. "right... yeah, that makes sense." he looked away for a moment, clearly trying to gather his thoughts. "so, uh... i guess we’re... official?"

"i guess we are," you smirked, leaning down to kiss him again. "unless you want to fill out some forms or something."

jay chuckled, his hands sliding up to rest on your hips as he grinned up at you. "nah, i think i can live without the paperwork. but, just to be clear..." his voice softened, the playful tone fading into something more vulnerable. "you really want this? like, not just curious about... you know?"

you rolled your eyes playfully and gave him a gentle smack on the chest. "jay, i’m serious. i want you."

"can i kiss you whenever i want now? or do i have to ask every time?" he joked, though you could tell there was a part of him that was still hesitant, like he couldn’t quite believe that this was real.

"you can kiss me whenever," you beamed at him, pressing your lips to his again. this time, his arms wrapped around you, pulling you closer, his awkwardness fading into pure happiness.

as you both lay there, the warmth of the moment sinking in, jay’s eyes wandered around the room... and then froze. in the far corner, barely visible beneath a pile of clothes, was jennie, his infamous sex doll.

"shit," jay muttered under his breath, his voice soft but filled with disbelief. "jennie." he laughed awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck as he looked back at you, clearly embarrassed. "i guess i won’t be needing her anymore, huh?"

you followed his gaze, smirking as you caught sight of the doll. "yeah, probably not."

jay flushed, the situation sinking in fully. jennie had been his secret, something he never thought would be exposed, especially not to you. but now, with you there, he seemed to find it more funny than anything. turning back to you, his embarrassment shifted to something more playful. "but i never thought you’d be such a perv, y/n."

you raised an eyebrow, giving him a teasing smile. "oh yeah?"

"yeah," he chuckled, still shaking his head in disbelief. "watching me like that... hiding in the closet. fuck, i couldn’t believe it. i mean, it was so hot—but still." he paused, biting his lip, his eyes locking with yours. "you’re a perv."

you laughed, giving him a playful nudge. "you’re one to talk. you’re the one with a sex doll."

jay groaned, covering his face with his hands, his cheeks bright red. "yeah, well... i had my reasons," he muttered, peeking at you through his fingers. "but fuck, y/n, the fact you were watching me? that’s something i’ll never forget."

"and you liked it," you teased, running your fingers lightly across his chest.

"hell yeah, i did," he grinned, pulling you closer, his hands sliding up your back.

"you okay with a loser like me?" jay asked, his voice soft, the insecurity creeping back in despite everything. his eyes searched yours, still needing reassurance.

you smiled warmly, brushing his hair back from his forehead. "jay, you’re not a loser."

he blinked, clearly taking in your words, his expression softening. "i just... sorry, i never thought you’d actually want me, y/n. i’ve liked you for so long, this is like... a dream."

"well, you thought wrong," you teased, leaning down to kiss him gently.

just as jay was about to respond, the door suddenly burst open, and in stormed hanna, her eyes wide with shock.

“what the actual fuck?!” she yelled, freezing as she took in the scene of you both tangled up in bed, clothes scattered everywhere. “oh my god, no fucking way.”

jay nearly jumped out of his skin, scrambling to pull the blanket up, his face flushing bright red as he stammered, “h-hanna! it’s not—it’s not what it looks like!”

you couldn’t help but laugh, though you were just as mortified. "uh, hey, hanna," you said sheepishly, tugging the blanket higher up, trying to hide the obvious.

"are you serious right now?" hanna stared at both of you, arms crossed, her expression somewhere between disbelief and amusement. "you two... really?!"

'okay, calm down,' you said, still laughing a little, trying to compose yourself. 'it just... happened.'

"just happened?!" hanna screeched, eyes bouncing between you and jay like she was watching a soap opera. "i leave for five minutes, and now you’re... this?"

rolling your eyes, you corrected her, "you were gone for an hour, actually."

jay looked like he wanted to sink into the floor, his face a permanent shade of red as he mumbled, “yeah... it kinda just… happened.”

hanna groaned, throwing her hands in the air dramatically. “oh my god, you guys are ridiculous. at least now i don’t have to listen to you both pine after each other anymore.”

you and jay exchanged a glance, clearly embarrassed but unable to suppress the smiles creeping onto your faces.

“wait,” hanna said, suddenly pointing at jay, “so this means i win the bet, right?”

jay groaned, burying his face in his hands. “oh, come on, hanna!”

"what bet?" you asked, raising an eyebrow in confusion, looking between hanna and jay, who now seemed like he wanted the ground to swallow him whole.

hanna grinned, relishing jay’s discomfort. “oh, didn’t jay tell you? we made a little bet. i told him you liked him, but he was too much of a chicken to believe me.”

jay groaned louder, his face still hidden in his hands. “hanna, please.”

hanna ignored him, enjoying herself way too much. “so, i bet him that if he ever got his act together and made a move, you’d be into it. and look at this!” she gestured dramatically at the two of you tangled in the sheets. “guess who just won?”

you couldn’t help but laugh, shaking your head. “seriously, jay?” you teased, poking his arm lightly. “you made a bet about this?”

jay peeked up from behind his hands, his face flushed. “i didn’t think i’d ever actually win, okay? i was convinced you’d never be interested in me like that.”

“well,” you said with a smirk, leaning in to kiss him on the cheek. “you should’ve listened to hanna.”

hanna clapped her hands, laughing. “maybe now you won’t be so awkward around her.” she paused, then raised an eyebrow at jay. “or are you still gonna be shy, even after all this?”

jay mumbled something under his breath, but you caught the words 'probably still awkward.'

hanna, clearly enjoying every second, leaned against the doorframe with a smirk. “so… was he good?”

‘hanna, leave!’ jay shrieked, his face burning as he hurled a pillow at her. she dodged, laughing, the pillow bouncing off the wall.

“fine, fine!” she said, raising her hands in mock surrender. “i’m going, but listen up, jay.” her tone shifted slightly, becoming more serious as she pointed at him. “if you hurt her, even once, i’ll disown your ass. seriously.” hanna shot you a wink and left, the door clicking shut behind her, leaving the room in a quiet that felt a bit too loud after all that chaos.

jay let out a long, tortured groan, flopping back onto the bed and pulling the blanket over his face. "i can’t believe that just happened."

you couldn’t stop the giggle that escaped, leaning over and pulling the blanket down just enough to see his flushed face. "don’t worry," you teased, "you survived hanna’s wrath, and i think you did pretty well."

jay peeked out from under the covers, his cheeks still red but a small smile tugging at his lips. "yeah?" he asked, his voice a little unsure.

"yeah," you whispered, leaning closer, your lips brushing his cheek, "more than fine."

jay’s eyes softened as he stared at you, his face just inches away from yours. he nuzzled into your neck, finally relaxing now that hanna was gone. his breath was warm against your skin, and you could feel the tension between you both melt away.

jay’s eyes softened, staring into yours like he still couldn’t believe what was happening. his arms slid around your waist, pulling you closer. "y/n," he whispered, voice barely audible, "i really like you. like, a lot."

his confession hung in the air, and you couldn’t help but smile, your heart fluttering. you ran your fingers through his hair, pulling him close, feeling the weight of everything he’d just said. "i really like you too, jay. more than i realized."

jay’s face lit up, the shy smile on his lips widening as he nuzzled into your neck, his breath warm against your skin. "fuck, this feels like a dream. i can’t believe this is real."

"it’s real," you whispered, pressing a gentle kiss to his forehead. "and i’m not going anywhere."

he pulled back, just enough to look at you again, his face still flushed but full of warmth and relief. "yay," he whispered, his voice soft but filled with happiness as he grinned shyly.

you laughed softly, pressing another kiss to his lips. the two of you settled back into each other’s arms, finally able to breathe in the quiet, the chaos of the past few moments melting away. whatever awkwardness or uncertainty was there before had faded into something real, something that both of you had been waiting for.

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Best Friend — Idia Shroud x gn! reader

summery: Idia realizes that you might be closer than he thought.

tw: uhhh none I think.

a/n: idk if this is bad, I think I got Idia's personality right. This is kinda more platonic, but could be read as romantic.

wc: 0.6k

Master List

The more Idia got to know you, the more he realized you might’ve been less of a normie than he originally thought. Of course you were nowhere near Idia’s status of loser otaku, but you still surprised him. It started with you complaining about something called vocaloid? Idia hadn’t heard of vocaloid before, but when you explained the concept he realized it was your world's version of synthaloid. That was the first time he started to question his view of you. As you complained about not being able to listen to vocaloid anymore, he introduced you to some synthaloid songs. He watched as your eyes lit up, head bobbing to the songs as you scanned the lyrics. 

He hadn’t heard of normies liking synthaloid, but you were still too extroverted. I mean you had how many friends in how many dorms? Total normie activities. Yet you shocked him once again when you then started complaining about missing this one video game you used to play. Apparently it was really chill but competitive. When you mentioned it was called AFK Journey Idia froze, he played a game with an uncannily similar name. So he introduced you to AFK Adventure, and found his heart jumping as you gushed passionately, comparing all the similarities and differences. AFK Adventure was still growing, and the fact that you played your version only months after it was released…he once again questioned if you really were a normie. 

The final nail in the coffin was when you complained about how exhausted you were. The main reason why he classified you as normie was because you were social, you had friends, you barely had a phone! (That wasn’t your fault, you had no money after all). So when you complained that you were tired from all the socializing, that you found refuge in his room because you felt like you could truly relax by just playing video games…well he was a bit flustered to say the least. You found him comforting? You found his messy, gross room relaxing (Ortho tried his best to clean it before you arrived)? You enjoyed playing video games with him even if he would tend to blow up if someone annoyed him? 

Idia found himself sharing more with you. It seemed like everywhere he looked (online) he’d find something about you to connect it with. You’d really like this anime, it seemed similar to one you described from your world. You liked chill games right? Well there's this mobile digital pet game you’d like, you just have to friend him. Oh, fanart of your fav character…he’d send it to you if he had the courage. He had also set you up with a pc, laptop, and upgraded your phone without a second thought. It was only to encourage you to go on games to give him rewards…totally. 

And not to mention, when you first joined AFK Adventure, Idia kicked out a member from his guild to let you join. His other guild members were highly confused he let in a noob join since it was a whale only guild (don’t worry, you weren’t a noob for long…thank Idia’s credit card). 

One night, when you both were playing a video game together, you had fallen asleep on his bed. The laptop he had given you was still running, but it was pushed to your side. Idia couldn’t help but feel his face heat up, you looked so peaceful in his space. That’s when he realized he wasn’t truly alone anymore, even if he stayed holed up in his room, you managed to wiggle your way to join him. You would rant about nerdy things to him only, a special privilege you hadn’t bestowed to any of your other friends. He had come to a conclusion that somewhat scared him.

Idia Shroud had a close friend, he wasn’t alone anymore.

[tiredfox64]

I had this idea based on Tomas's intro with Ashra about having nightmares about demons, that Tomas would have nightmares on the enenra but the nightmares would also include the reader getting hurt and fearing for her safety that something might happen to her, Tomas would keep his distance and avoid the reader as much as he can to try to keep her safe even going far as talking to other female warriors to make the reader think he has no interest in her which would leave her confused and heartbroken where she struggles with training and shuts down a lot leaving Hanzo, Kaui Liang and Harumi worried about the reader enough to send her to Wu She Academy.

Kuai Liang finally gets answers from Tomas and sends him to the academy to have Liu Kang help Tomas with his issue. Upon arrival, the reader does everything she can to avoid Tomas who feels extremely guilty, chases her down until they are in a room alone together and he breaks down to the reader.

The Pain You Made Me Face

Yip notes: It appears that we don’t want peace WE WANT PROBLEMS

Pairing: Tomas x Afab reader

Warnings‼️: Angst

“The worst are the Enenra,” that’s what Ashrah told Tomas once. He found her words to be true.

For many nights he has experienced the horrors of demons that were made of pure smoke and darkness. Malevolent beings that only the purest of hearts could witness. Yet they decide to infect his dreams with their retched forms.

With mouths as their heads and claws for hands, they’ve come to cause harm to the one he loves the most. You.

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A low, continuous groan is let out. There is a slight wheeze to it like the body it’s coming from has little to no air left. Tomas’ eyes turn to look for the source of the pained noise. His eyes land on your body as you lie on the ground.

He doesn’t want to believe it’s you but it seems too real. The cuts on your back are as fresh as could be. Your clothes were sunken into cut flesh. It looked like a ravenous beast ambushed you. Tomas wanted to run to you and help you, he needed to know who attacked you. The moment he took a step towards you a figure manifested behind you. A hunchbacked monster stood above your body. Its body waved like smoke off of a flame.

The Enenra started to shift and change its body. It slowly morphed into a more human shape. Tomas was frozen in place, forced to watch the Enenra become something else. It was changing itself to look like Tomas.

It was the shape of Tomas, but it was not him. Its body was still made of black smoke. Its hand reached down and grabbed hold of your hair. You didn’t make a sound. You were too tired to make a sound. You’re not gonna survive through this. Their other hand came around and showed that it was holding Tomas’ karambit. It gripped it tightly like there was rage involved. The hand lifted with the intent to strike your head with the sharp blade.

“NO!” Tomas yelled as he ran towards you.

The hand swung down with the point being inches away from your frontal lobe.

Gasp

And just like that Tomas was back in his bed. His body broke out in a cold sweat. His heart slammed against his chest before realizing that it was just another nightmare. A nightmare that is always the same. Visions of demons that come to attack you. This was the worst of them all. Morphing into him was a foul move. Yet it got him badly.

Tomas has been theorizing that his nightmares were bad omens. They were signs that something bad would happen to you. Why else would you be involved?

But this one really struck a nerve in him. He took a moment to think about what this nightmare meant. The Enenra became him before striking you. Could that mean that…he will hurt you? His heart dropped the second he thought of that conclusion. Even if it won’t be him that hurts you he feels like this demon will harm you because of him. He doesn’t want any harm to come to you. He’d never forgive himself.

This concern has been building up for so long and that last nightmare was the nail in the coffin. He loves you. You’re the one person who he finds solace in. When he’s with you he feels safe. The moment he sees you, the nightmare flashes in his head before he remembers it’s just a dream. You’re alive and well right in front of his eyes. And you look as beautiful as ever.

But he doesn’t want to sit around and wait for something bad to happen. He doesn’t want to wake up one day and find that you are no longer alive. A shiver ran up his spine just thinking about finding you the same way he sees you in his dreams. It’s sickening.

He had to make a choice. Continue spending time with you and risking your death, or distance himself and save you from a painful demise. He preferred the second option.

══💤══╡°˖✧🦊✧˖°╞══💤══

It’s been nearly a month since Tomas started ignoring you. At first, you thought he was just tired from hunting down Bi-Han and dealing with restless sleep. He told you at some point that he was having nightmares constantly. He never went into specifics of what they were about, he just said they were nightmares. You reassured him that they were probably due to stress.

But no matter how hard you tried to make him relax he always experienced nightmares. You did everything you could, made him food, cheered him on during training, helped out with Hanzo, and much more. It did nothing to ease the tension inside of him. What did that leave you with?

Nothing. You had nothing. Not a thank you or a question if you could do something specific for him. All you got was him ignoring you.

You saw he wasn’t eating your cooking. Alright, maybe he wasn’t craving the dish you made. But then he started training by himself. The moment you’d walk up to him he’d say he just finished and walk off. He always seemed to be in a hurry to leave, like he wanted to get away from you immediately. It broke your heart when Hanzo started talking about how weird Tomas was when it came to you. When you asked what he meant he laid it all out.

“He won’t allow me to practice with you. When I’ve asked why, he says I can but he won’t stick around for it. And when I asked if he could bring you over so you could rewrap my wounds he told me to find you myself. That was rude.” Hanzo let out a huff since he was irritated by his mentor’s aggression.

You immediately reacted to that news. You felt your heart squeeze, it physically hurt.

“O-oh well…let’s deal with your bandages first.” You said softly.

Hanzo could see that you were trying to hold yourself together. You gave him a weak smile to reassure him that things were fine. But the sadness in your eyes says otherwise. He’s not dumb, he understands that something is wrong. Though he can see that you are just as clueless as him. He doesn’t say anything else for the remainder of the time.

Later that day you decided to confront Tomas on his behavior. You needed to know what was going on with him. Was he stressed? Did you say something? Was there an unknown reason? You had to find out. When you found him you were surprised by what he was doing.

He was surrounded by some of the female members. They were acting like lovesick teens who were talking to their crush at school. You could hear what they were saying to him.

“I wish you talked to us earlier, you’re so nice.” “Do you think you can help me practice later? I could really use your help.” “Damn, you’re really strong. I bet you could pick me up.” “You seem cuter up close.”

What is going on? Since when did he become a womanizer?

Your heart shattered the moment you realized what he was doing. He wanted you to see this. He wanted you to hear everything they were saying. How do you know? He was looking at you. Tomas was occasional glancing at you. He knew you were there. And yet he wasn’t giving you the time of day. He was smiling at these girls as they praised and flirted with him.

All went numb. You barely felt your heart pumping. The noises around you became dull as you turned around and walked away. With your back towards Tomas, you missed as his eyes lost any hint of happiness in them. When you were out of sight he excused himself from the girls and walked away. There, it was done. Maybe now you’ll keep your distance.

You did just that. You kept your distance…from everyone. That wasn’t his plan.

You were so confused and heartbroken by Tomas’ actions. You felt like you were being led on this whole time. He was playing with your heart, pulling at the heartstrings before cutting them in one fell swoop. You are left with the remnants of your heart. You tried to put it back together and continue living but it was harder than you could imagine. Everyone could see how you struggled except Tomas.

Hanzo already knew you were in a tough place. He went to check on you the day after he spoke with you, only to hear you crying in your room. He felt in his gut that something bad happened. He’s not good at dealing with other’s emotions, he can’t even control his own, so he walked off. He tried getting your mind off whatever happened by asking you two to train together but that fell flat. He would ask if you could teach him something you’ve been wanting to teach him, only for you to forget what that move was. When you two tried to spar, your arms were in a weak position. It was like you forgot how to fight. Hanzo knew that it was really bad then. He told Kuai Liang about your situation since he could only do so much.

Kuai Liang thought it would be good if Harumi checked in first. It might be a woman issue. One day she came knocking at your door and asking if she could come in. You let out an unenthusiastic ‘sure” and she came in. She thought bringing you some mixed fruits would make you feel better. A fresh bowl of your favorite fruits, how could you say no?

She sat with you and slowly tried to work her way into the issue. She would ask how you’ve been feeling and how training was going. You’d start talking but then just stop. Harumi thought you were trying to think but then you would tell her you forgot what you were about to say. You did the same with the fruit. You would start taking bites then suddenly stop. It’s like you were repulsed by it and would put the half-bitten honeydew back into the bowl. Then a minute later you’d go back to eating. There was certainly a disruption in your mind to be causing these pauses.

Harumi made the mistake of saying something about Tomas. She never knew there was a problem between you two.

“Did you want me to bring Tomas here? I know he makes you feel better.” She gave you a warm smile, thinking that was the right move.

She grew worried once she saw your lips quiver before you bit your bottom lip. You swallowed hard; she could see it was difficult for you to do that. You looked like you were in pain from doing that.

“I’m…feeling tired. I think I should take a nap.”

You didn’t give Harumi time to respond to that. You lay down and curled up. She took the bowl of fruit and said okay. All the progress she made was trashed the moment she talked about Tomas. It did give her an idea that it was him that was troubling you. She said goodbye and to rest well. The moment she closed the door you felt tears slip down your face.

Harumi informed Kuai Liang of everything. Now he believes this is more of a him issue since it’s his brother. He gave you time to nap, or cry actually, and he would talk to you the next day.

The next day rolled around and he saw you wandering around outside. Your movements seemed as sluggish as a zombie’s. You were clearly not okay. He went up to you and walked by your side. He didn’t say anything for a minute, he waited to see if you wanted to speak first. But since you didn’t he would say something.

“I have heard from others that you have not been yourself recently. Is there anything I can do to help?” he asked in a firm but warm tone.

“…no, I’m fine, just tired.”

“Is that so? Are you sure it has nothing to do with Tomas?” he asked bluntly.

You stopped in your tracks. Your body shook as the tears came rolling out. Your loud cries told Kuai Liang how upset you were. He pulled you into a warm embrace in an effort to comfort you. He hears you ask why continuously. There was more that you wanted to say but your tears choked you up. Kuai Liang guided you to a nearby bench to sit on.

He waited for you to calm down so he could ask what the problem was. For a good five minutes, you were unable to say much. You’d cough and stop breathing for a second every time you wanted to say something. You collected yourself eventually and you spilled everything. You talked about Tomas’ distance and how he’s purposely doing it. You saw it with your own eyes and you don’t know what you could have done to deserve this.

Kuai Liang was shocked to hear that his brother was doing all that. He knew how crazy Tomas was about you. He knew he was planning to ask you out eventually. Why would he switch up like this? No one said this grandmaster mess would be easy.

This was a messy situation and he had to organize it. He knew keeping you with the Shirai Ryu would do no good. Having Tomas close by and having people continuously ask you what’s wrong won’t help. He would have to sadly send you away. But he knows a place that will openly accept you.

“I want you to listen to me. I want you to go to the Shaolin at the Wu Shi Academy. They will help with this heartache. I will figure out the problem. But you cannot continue going on in this state. I want you to feel better. Once you are better, you will be with the Shirai Ryu again.”

You listened to Kuai Liang and what he suggested. You knew he wasn’t kicking you out. He only wants you to heal. To heal, you must separate yourself from the situation. The Shaolin will definitely help with that.

You accepted his proposal. He said he would send you off in the morning and told you to pack your essentials. You got up and started packing for your healing journey.

══💤══╡°˖✧🦊✧˖°╞══💤══

A few days passed since you went to the Wu Shi. That information stayed between Kuai Liang, Harumi, and Hanzo. Only they knew where you were. Word spreads fast however and soon lots of people realized you were missing. That word got to Tomas. His heart stopped the moment he found out you with MIA. His thoughts were interrupted when Kuai Liang asked to speak with him.

Kuai Liang took him to his office to speak in private. The moment the door closed Tomas was quick to ask if he knew where you were.

“Kuai Liang, I’ve been hearing from others that they haven’t seen-“

“Yes, I know. She is fine. I know where she is.” He responded bluntly.

Tomas let out a sigh of relief knowing that you were still alive. Worry set in again once he saw the disappointed look in Kuai Liang’s eyes.

“The reason I had to send her away,” Kuai Liang hesitated to say the last part, “…was because of you.”

“What?! Me? I know I wanted to distance myself from her but I didn’t mean for her to leave the clan.”

“So you admit that you did it on purpose? What is the matter with you? I thought you loved her. You do not drive people that you love away. So tell me, why did you do it?” Kuai Liang’s harsh tone got to Tomas. It made him feel like the bad guy when all he wanted to do was keep you safe.

He gave in. He told his brother the truth. He explained the dreams about the Enenra and how you always got hurt. He explained how traumatic the last one seemed to him and it was his breaking point. He felt like he would be the cause of your pain or even your death. He could never live with himself if he saw the signs and did nothing about it.

Kuai Liang saw how erratic Tomas was acting. The guilt and fear were eating the man alive. He found Tomas’ actions to be idiotic but he knew he would make a mistake himself if he were in the same situation. If this Enenra issue was truly a cause for concern he would have to fix it immediately. He can’t help his brother but maybe Liu Kang could. He’s a god, why wouldn’t he deal with demons?

“Tomas, you need to fix this, all of this. Go to Liu Kang to see if he can help you. If not, the Wu Shi could definitely do something for you. While you are there, I want you to apologize for what you have done.” He left it at that.

Tomas was a bit confused by the last part but he understood that he needed help for this. He agreed to leave in the morning to see Liu Kang at the Wu Shi Academy. After that, he will make everything right with you. That’s if he can fix your broken heart.

══💤══╡°˖✧🦊✧˖°╞══💤══

Tomas was at the academy by the next day. He urgently asked to see Liu Kang but the monks informed him that Liu Kang was in Outworld right now. They told him he would return in a few days. They let him know he could stay in a spare room until Liu Kang returned since they could see Tomas was a mess. He was in desperate need of the fire god.

He settled down quickly and thought about finding Kung Lao and Raiden to catch up with them. When he went around looking for them he was surprised to see a familiar face. It was you. You were with Kung Lao and Raiden. You were sparing with Kung Lao who was going easy on you since you were still recovering. What Kuai Liang said before now made sense to Tomas. He needed to apologize to you. He walked up to you which stopped Kung Lao in his tracks. You were confused until you turned around to see the man who broke your heart. Your expression turned sour quickly.

“Hey…” He said softly.

“Hey…I gotta go.” Without letting him speak you walked away from him. It didn’t matter if you weren’t finished with your fight, you needed to leave.

You left Tomas stunned as Kung Lao gave him a disapproving nod. He would be experiencing that until Liu Kang returned.

Tomas wanted to apologize for his actions. He wanted to say he was sorry for hurting you and explain why he did it. He knows his fears are not an excuse, but you still deserve to know the reason. But every attempt was a failure. You treated him like he treated you.

You walked away and acted like you had somewhere to be. You spent your time around Raiden and Kung Lao, almost using them as bodyguards. You would meditate for hours with the other monks to prevent Tomas from disturbing you. You pulled a reverse on him.

Every failure made his heart hurt. He sees that what he did was stupid and did more harm than good. He learned his lesson and he wants to beg you to give him a chance. The guilt inside of him will drive him insane. Even if Liu Kang helps him with his Enenra problem the guilt will stay with him forever. He’s made everything worse by being a fool.

It got to the point that Raiden and Kung Lao had to confront him. Raiden was more passive while Kung Lao was giving him a mean eye. They told him to back off. They said they knew what happened and don’t think it’s a good idea to make amends now. Tomas begged them to help him out. He explained everything and Raiden actually grew concerned about the Enenra problem.

Although they understood, they told him they couldn’t force you to accept an apology right now. They will be easier on him but they won’t force you to do anything. Tomas was still on his own in this situation.

It would still be another day till Liu Kang returned. If Tomas is gonna make it up to you he has to do it now. He had patience and waited for nighttime. You’d be pretty tired by the point so it’d be easier to catch you. The moment he saw you walking into the building you were staying in he followed you.

You didn’t see Tomas once and you thought he took the hint to leave you be. But when you went to close the door to your room it was stopped by someone. You looked back to see Tomas who did not look like the same man you loved before. His eyes were tired like he hadn’t slept for days. There was no sparkle to them. It’s just a void of guilt left behind. For a second you wanted to forget the pain he put you through and hug him. But to deny what happened won’t fix anything. He has to live with the consequences of his actions.

“Please, I know you are mad at me but I want to make this right. I’m sorry.”

“Sorry is not gonna cut it. Just leave me alone already.” You tried pushing the door but he was much stronger than you. He pushed his way in and shut the door behind him.

“I know it won’t but I’ll make it up to you. I never meant to hurt you I swear. I just wanted to keep you safe.”

“Safe? From what exactly? You’re not making any sense!”

“I’ll explain everything if you give me a chance! Just please believe me when I say I never meant to harm you.” His voice cracked as he struggled to keep himself together.

Your eyes widened after hearing him speak. His eyes grew wet and soon you heard him take deep, shaky breaths. Tomas ran up to you and hugged you tight. He hugged you as if he were to lose you again. He let out all of his emotions. Tears streamed down his face and droplets fell onto your back.

“I’m…so sorry. You’re the best thing…that’s ever happened to me. I’m an idiot for driving away the woman I love.”

Your arms slowly went up as you decided to hug him back. It was by instinct; your mind was more occupied with what he was saying.

“I just couldn’t imagine finding you dead one day…because of me. I saw it happen so many times I couldn’t take it anymore!”

“Tomas!” You had to yell to get his attention, “You’re still not making any sense. Breathe, we’re gonna figure this out right now.”

You pulled away from him so you could guide him to your bed. You had him lie with you. You waited for him to calm down and gather his thoughts to tell you why he was acting up. Once he did, he explained the whole situation. The nightmares, the Enenra, your death, and the mimic. He told you how scared he would be in his dreams and when he’d wake up. He talked about how he thought it was a bad omen that would eventually happen and it would be his fault for not doing anything.

“Tomas…why didn’t you tell me from the start?”

“I didn’t want to scare you. I was scared myself.” His eyes shifted down as he struggled to look into your eyes after saying that.

You took hold of his head and forced him to look at you, “Even if I was scared, I’d know you would never hurt me. I would have done everything to help you figure out what was wrong. I love you too much to let you go through this alone.”

Your vision blurred as the tears came up again. It’s fine, Tomas has the same blurred vision since he’s about to cry as well. You brought his head closer to yours and gave him a gentle kiss. It was a kiss that told him that everything would be alright and you loved him.

He brought you close to him and held you in his arms. He wanted to have you close after distancing himself for so long. He wanted to smell your scent and have his fingers play with your hair. He wanted you.

Emotions are quite draining. It sure made you two sleepy. The tears died down and the only emotions left were relief and love. You held each other and slowly fell asleep. Your once weakened bond was now strengthened.

That was the first night Tomas had no nightmares.

══💤══╡°˖✧🦊✧˖°╞══💤══

Morning came and Tomas told you that he had to see Liu Kang immediately. He let you know that he wanted to ask the god for help. You two walked hand in hand to find Liu Kang to sort out this situation.

The fire god was surprised to see you two here. He immediately knew something was wrong when he looked at Tomas’ tired expression. Once again he went over the whole Enenra problem which Liu Kang took seriously. He asked Ashrah for help to deal with this pesky demon. The duo got to work as you stayed by Tomas’ side.

For hours they tried to figure out where this all was coming from. And although there was an Enenra messing with Tomas’ mind, that’s all it did. It could do nothing else to him. It was only there to weaken him into an unhealthy state. It wanted to gain a hold of his physical form. Seeking out Liu Kang was the right decision since the task became unworthy to the demon.

So in the end, the Enenra failed. Those nightmares were purely nightmares.

“See, told you they were just dreams.” You said.

“No need to rub it in.”

Yap notes: So when I first started writing this I was watching As Above, So Below cause I'm a sucker for Dante's Inferno stuff. Tell me why they threw a smoke bomb in the movie. Where do you just casually get one? It was in France so things could be a little unorganized. Also I'm too emotional sometimes. I want to sleep now. Adiós!

[luimagines]

You Realize You Like Him Part 3

Masterlist

Part 1 Part 2

Part 3 will include Legend, Sky and Four.

Content under the cut!

Legend

“And then I told him that he could fly from the top of Hyrule Castle for all I cared, I wasn’t going to buy something that only have a 40% success rate.” Legend finished his story.

You nodded along. You understood a solid...5% of what he was saying. But that’s ok. You like to hear him talk. He was nice enough and you liked his company. 

There was this energy that drew you to him. You’re not sure what it was. Sure he was cute but that couldn’t have been it.

Then again, he always had something to help save the day. He was fast on his feet and incredibly clever. He had enough experience under his belt to put most of the group to shame. There seemed that there wasn’t anything that he couldn’t do.

You respected him greatly.

Legend snorted and patted your shoulder. “I’m telling you, I know the ins and outs of most, if not, all sleezy merchants. If you want the best deal, you come with me and I’ll find it for you.”

You smiled. “Thanks Link. I might have to take you up on that.”

Legend faltered for a moment and blushed. “Hey... It’s not much. It doesn’t cost my anything.”

You chuckled at his reaction, feeling those little butterflies in your tummy. You smiled wider and felt yourself fluster a little. This was it. This is what caught you off guard time and time again. When he got soft or shy, you simply... followed suit.

It was infuriating to say the least. You wanted him to think you were cool, collected, suave. Hell, you would accept gravitas if you could reach it. 

For you to also lose your cool just because Legend was adorable was not the move for you. And Yet!

Someone called Legend for his opinion from the front of the group and Legend smiled at you again, soft and sweet and winked. He ran to catch up and ask what they needed.

It was the final nail in the coffin.

You bite your lip, feeling your blush grow over your face. Well this was hardly fair at all. You felt almost giddy with some unnamed excitement. Was this weird? Were you being weird?

You could almost feel the exact moment where your eyes turned into hearts- all the more thankful that he was no where near you at this point to see your descent. You liked him. You already knew that.

But to think you would feel like losing it over his stupid little wink and grin!! UGH!! This cannot be!! And yet!!! Here you are!!!

You covered your face with your hands, quickly putting your hood over yourself before anyone can get the impression that you were actually losing your mind. Which you were. 

You took a deep breath, then another, then another. That’s it. Breathe in. Breathe out.

So what if he was handsome and charming and smart and clever and cool? It doesn’t mean anything!

It meant everything.

Sky

Arguably, it didn’t take you long to realize that you were starting to fall for him.

You were only traveling with the group for a few months when you found yourself getting butterflies in your tummy whenever he would walk next to you or when you were staring. Period. You were staring. That should have been a dead giveaway.

But no, you were still trying to hold onto denial.

You were trying to keep pleasant but polite conversation with the young man. For some reason, you found unable to hold eye contact and you couldn’t seem to stop from blushing despite the fact that literally nothing was happening.

Still, you were giggly and happy and overall overjoyed so spend the time with him, even though you would have thought that he would have gotten annoyed with you at this point for being so out of it as you were.

That being said, when he put his hand on your shoulder, you had to bite the inside of your cheek to keep it together.

You couldn’t deny it any longer. That’s not a normal reaction. You were at least crushing on him. You had to admit at least that much.

He said some more things that you could no longer focus on before he patted your shoulder as a sign of good will before he walked on, no doubt going to talk to someone else of the group.

Once he was out of sight and hopefully out of earshot, you slowly sunk down and squealed to yourself. It was going to be a one time thing, you would have allowed yourself his much. Then you would get a grip and pretend it never happened and never do it again.

Somehow, the universe had other plans for you.

You had entered a new town and had to do some quick shopping to restock the supplies of the group. Which was all fine and dandy to be honest.

Until you ran into Sky.

Now you were blushing and flustered and giggling like a fool- even if he wasn’t even saying anything funny. The butterflies were back tenfold and they refused to leave.

Sky decided to stay by your side for the remainder of the day and help you out with the of the shopping. He even carried the bags for you. 

Your mind wanted to romanticize the entire thing and make it seem like it was a date when the more rational part of your brain wanted it to remain strictly business.

You had left for a moment to buy some things from the tailor shop for Legend and returned to Sky, who was holding onto some roasted food on a stick. He smiled, dare you say, bashfully. “I thought you’d be hungry.”

Your jaw dropped but you took the food anyway. “How did you know?”

“Because given the amount of things you’ve already bought and the fact that you started the second we split up, I was beginning to doubt that you had even bothered to feed yourself.” He answered quietly, scratching the back of his neck. “Is it good?”

You take a bite. “Delicious!”

“Good.” Sky smiles and takes the new bag from your hand. “Let’s continue then.”

The words suddenly sits on the edge of your tongue and you swallow it down with the next bite before it can escape. Could you love him? Could you plan to fall?

He certainly doesn’t make it difficult to do so.

Four

Honestly, you can say without a shadow of a doubt that Four was one of your favorite people ever.

He was so smart. And kind. And the best kind of sarcastic.

You loved to go toe to toe with his wit and he never failed to make you laugh no matter how stupid the joke was or how low hanging the fruit was.

...He would hit you if he heard you say that that one.

There’s was just something effortless about hanging out with him. Conversation flowed easy and there never seemed to be anything you couldn’t talk about. Even when you weren’t talking, the silence wasn’t awkward and there no need to try and one up one another. It was just casual and pleasant coexistence.

But then you started noticing... the little you did. At first, as usual, it wasn’t something that you paid attention to much because you had already established that you cared about each other and cared about each other’s opinions and the relationship between you had.

But you wanted... more of his attention. You wanted more of his time and his energy. You found yourself looking over at him more often and wanting to get his opinion on everything even if it was next to nothing.

It wasn’t until Zelda invited you and the group to a royal ball of sorts where you realized that you were subconsciously dressing up for Four instead of just trying to look your best for the princess’s sake.

You were thinking if he’d like the color, the cut, the jewelry they gave you to wear with your outfit. You had a passing thought that Four could make something better than this if they ever gave him the chance.

It wasn’t until you nearly blurted the question out loud to yourself that you caught on to your thoughts.

It realization hit you like a charging horse.

Just why did you care so much about what Four thought about this outfit? About you? About if he would think you looked good or not? It’s not like he’s the type of person to judge you for your fashion choices. If you wanted that, you’d ask Legend of Wild for their opinion.

But you still wanted him to pay attention to you like this.

You bit your lip harshly.

It... can’t be that? Right? 

No.

No, no, no- that would be silly.

You run your hands down your clothes and look back at the mirror. You think for a moment about your thought and break down in an instant. You’re a flustered blushing mess.

You think that Four would look very dapper tonight in his clothes for the party. And the thought gets your heart racing.

Would he want to dance with you?

Would you talk the night away?

...Would he even want to hang out with you tonight? He’s entitled to be around his other friends, of course. You don’t feel as if you have any right to demand anything of him.

...But you want it. You want it really badly. But why?

Are you crushing?

For a moment you  think you hear someone knocking at the door and you got to open it. It’s Four- looking just as dapper as you thought he would. You grin.

“Ready?”

“As I’ll ever be!”

He’s so handsome!

....wait...

[tobi-smp]

absolutely nobody wants to see me rant about the end of the dream smp for one millionth time in october 2023, but the anniversary has people talking on my dash so now I'm infected with one of the same 4 thoughts I always have about the dream smp

obviously there is a Very Very large number of reasons that people have a complicated relationship with the dream smp, both in universe and out. and the worst for me are the Obvious out of universe reasons that don't need to be repeated here.

but the cake for In Universe reasons is definitely still the crimeboys ending. it was the final nail in the coffin for me back when I hadn't realized that the coffin had any more nails it could take in the first place, and it's a big part of why the parts of the series that I Do very much so enjoy are very often painful to look back on.

and this isn't because wilbur is a bad writer or a bad actor (or tommy for that matter), even at the time I had Really enjoyed the lead up to the end, even and Especially in that final stream sending wilbur off.

I had my issues of course, I haven't exactly been quiet about that, but in retrospect I Understand the circumstances much better and respect wilbur's choice to get out of there as cleanly as possible.

we still don't know Exactly what was happening behind the scenes, including and Especially with dream, but we Do know full well that dream stopped interacting with the entire rest of the server leaving countless story lines (that he'd Intentionally made himself integral to) left to dry with no way to move forwards while they waited for interaction that would never ever come.

wilbur's choice to move forwards with his send off of his character on his own terms, even with and especially Because of the clear scheduling issues, was the smartest decision he could have made considering the circumstances. I would very much so argue that his character is the Only One that got sent off with any amount of dignity largely Because he stopped playing dream's little game. and I do have to wonder if wilbur escaping the narrative wasn't inspired more by the real life circumstances at the time.

but no matter how satisfying I find it, no matter how much Good I see in it, no matter how much I respect and agree with the choice to do it, I cannot think about wilbur's ending without a Deep ache.

and it is for one single reason

he left tommy behind on purpose, this time fully with the knowledge of the situation he was leaving him behind In.

the abandonment that characters like tommy, niki, and fundy felt after the 16th are ultimately understandable ways of dealing with grief, but weren't Fair to truly hold against wilbur. wilbur didn't Leave, he didn't make the decision to allow the people important to him to be hurt in his absence. he committed suicide because he was sad.

wilbur getting on that boat, truly Knowing what dream did to tommy in a way that only tommy and dream knew, and leaving tommy alone on that beach affected me in ways that nothing else on the server ever has. and that truly is not a good thing.

now, I Think that what was likely supposed to happen is that dream was Supposed to interact with tommy regularly after the prison escape, and that that was supposed to build up to Some natural conclusion. we don't know what that conclusion would have been, but it was certainly nothing like what we got. and meanwhile wilbur's final arc was supposed to progress along side it, building Up To the logsted stream and his full understanding of the abuse dream had done and the affect it had on tommy.

we Know that at one point tommy had spoken about having a soft ending with wilbur. and After wilbur's ending actually did happen he'd mentioned that he might cameo on the server from time to time. that sounds like a soft ending to me.

it makes thematic sense, it makes sense with the pieces we got leading up to the final stream, it makes sense with the characters. and it couldn't happen, because dream refused to move any plot forwards and tommy of all characters couldn't move on without dream. again, both Thematically and because of what was happening behind the scenes.

and this is. frustrating beyond reason. that the snot genuinely poisoned one of the best aspects of the entire server because he was actively killing it but still didn't want to let go.

you can call it speculation, and it is, but this is what I believe and will continue to believe until tommy or wilbur say otherwise.

and on paper I just want to be able to say that the things that I don't like about the ending are bad because dream forced them to be bad and therefore I can just pretend like they never happened and substitute canon's reality with my own (or at the very least excuse it for being the way that it is).

and I have tried to do that ! both in chewing on the ending on its own terms And in imagining many Many ways that it could have gone differently (an activity I'm quite fond of regardless of circumstance).

but it just !

in a completely biased and nevertheless Extremely Honest word, hurt my feelings.

I cannot stop thinking about how they Intentionally set up wilbur finding out about dream abusing tommy, Made Sure to cover every base so the audience Knows that wilbur knows that it was physical, mental, and emotional abuse, Knows that wilbur is fully aware that tommy almost committed suicide, and Knows that wilbur was Deeply Emotionally Affected By This Fact.

and then had him leave. had him Plan Possibly Months Ahead Of Time. had him try to sneak off, only telling tommy the truth when he caught him by surprise and forced it out of him.

tommy opened up to somebody about exile in real honest terms for the very first time, to one of the people that he trusted the most, and that person Chose to leave him trapped with that very abuser out to get him Even Though he understood the danger and cared about him very deeply.

he knew that tommy was in danger, he knew Why tommy was in danger, and him leaving tommy behind was pre-meditated.

and it's Painful not just because of what it implies about their relationship As A Whole (because it's impossible to accept this as true without it affecting how we look back on what came before), but because those same implications makes it Impossible to imagine their relationship having a future.

people tried to play it off like a Soft Ending, like wilbur was just going to get therapy and then come back and they were just gonna hug it out and have a nice healthy relationship. and to be fair to those people, none of us could have predicted that tommy was going to be bombed and then reincarnated with none of his memories. that was Not in my predictions for the next phase of his character arc.

but, shitty sequel bait ending that everyone who cares has disavowed aside (way aside, into a deep pit to never be seen again), if I were tommy I would feel unimaginably betrayed.

where they left off is Not a place to reconnect with a healthy relationship when they're ready, because This Was A Traumatizing Event In And Of Itself.

I don't have to prove this, c!tommy proved this himself when started holing up in his house and abusing potions of invisibility both because he feels completely and totally Unsafe walking anywhere on the server when people can see him And as a relapse back into potion addiction reminiscent of his addiction post-exile.

he was at his absolute lowest point, his abuser and murderer escaped from prison ready to torment him and everyone he cares about for Literally forever. he was Desperately trying to find any form of stability, Desperately trying to reach out to for anyone he could trust, and he Intentionally opened up to someone he Did trust completely once. someone who made him feel safe, someone he trusted with his entire life.

he opened up Because he wanted that relationship, Because he wanted wilbur in his life, Because wilbur had wanted Him in His life. he wanted to cross that gap between them. he was making himself vulnerable to Extend that trust To wilbur.

and wilbur stopped talking to him for months and then left.

that's not going to do good things to his mental health or stability. tommy was Already displayed active suicidal tendencies BEFORE dream broke out of prison.

if he'd managed to kill dream for good and the characters went about their lives tommy would have to let wilbur go. rationalizing what happened, justifying wilbur's decision, would not be healthy.

he can accept that wilbur made the right decision for Himself. he can accept that Wilbur needed to leave, that Wilbur needed time to himself.

but tommy clinging on to wilbur's memory, justifying that he was left for dead with his abuser On Purpose, would not be healthy.

tommy would Need to realize that what happened wasn't okay. there Is no going back to having a relationship with wilbur. wilbur was Allowed to make the choice he did, but it Was a choice.

I can't bare to think of the alternative. where tommy is abandoned, deeply damaged by that abandonment, has to face his abuser and murderer Without someone he'd once considered a brother, and then turn around and just answer wilbur's call the moment Wilbur decides he's ready to have a relationship again.

that would just. be sad. genuinely awful.

and I can't let that go. the decisions they made were Sensible, I can see how it was necessary for wilbur to Have a proper send off when he did. there's no Satisfying way to re-imagine this series of events without it not Being the end.

but it tried to depict itself As a soft ending, As the characters having a future together, when it simply is not. if wilbur escaped the narrative then he left the people he cared about to be victims of the narrative Knowingly.

and it's frustrating Because I can see how it'd happen by accident. How the implications would be both meticulously set up and gone completely unseen.

but for my money, if I were to fix it on its own terms. with no additional screen time after, no change in the streams leading up to the end, and the understanding that tommy's story could not end at this point by necessity (the same restrictions that they had at the time)

I would have wilbur ask tommy to come with him. I'd have the reveal be that wilbur wanted to take tommy with him The Entire Time but knew that tommy was stubborn and attached to the server. but the moment he understood Exactly How Bad It Was he knew he needed to get them out of there Now.

so he did his best to hold dream off for now, and Immediately went to work setting up their escape (we don't need to understand How the portal to utah works, just that it took some time to set up).

it would recontextualize some of their earlier interactions, it would recontextualize his absence after the logsted stream, and it would recontextualize why wilbur didn't tell him until now.

and of course, because tommy has to stay (and because tommy is tommy) he refuses. he refuses not because he doesn't Want to go with wilbur (he wants to be with him more than anything, he wants to feel safe more than anything). but because he can't abandon the people on the server, because he can't let go until he knows dream is gone, because he will never ever feel safe until dream is dead.

and it can be a big dramatic blow out that Ends with that quiet awkward understanding, not with the characters being emotionally in sync but Knowing that this is how this moment has to play out. that same melancholy, that same understand that a choice is being made that can't go back, But It's Mutual.

It's Mutual And Born From Love.

because wilbur Wanted to save tommy, because tommy Wanted wilbur to stay, because they both understand why things aren't happening that way.

and they'll still be Hurt after. their relationship will still be impacted. this will still be something to Work Through rather than the magic soft fix that will make their relationship healthy and fluffy again.

but it's Fixable. if tommy survives there's a relationship still in tact to build on. there's a future where they both trust each other again one day, to find comfort and stability in each other. to put in the Work to build a life once the horror finally ends.

of course, if I had a say a lot more than this would've been changed. but it's a thought that plagues me because of how plausibly it Could have been what we'd gotten. because it would have worked without changing anything and it still would have hurt me at the time but it would have been the Good hurt. not a goodbye forever but goodbye until I can see you again. Goodbye And I Love You.

(at least until tommy got exploded with a bomb and forgot that wilbur existed. yippie)

[sunlightandsuffering]

Sorry to ask but I miss Christmas Chaos so much. I miss little Nico and his shenanigans… when will we get an update on the goober?

AHAHAHA aww it always makes me smile how much y'all like the little gremlins I write lmfao!!

Eren experiences his first fight with his child for the most ridiculous of reasons. Sure, he'd realized that at some point the whole fatherhood thing wasn't going to be sunshine and rainbows and Nico would most certainly have vengeful tantrums. He'd just thought it would be over something more reasonable.

Apparently not.

It's been twenty minute and his child is giving him the stink eye. Bundled up in green gumboots a pair of dinosaur shorts, a blue shirt that proudly declares 'Fisherman', and a neon orange life vest Nico watches Eren expectantly.

"Did you catch anything yet?" Nico demands expectantly and Eren breathes out a sigh, the third time in ten minutes. This is partly his fault though, no one said taking first graders fishing was a good idea. They simply don't have the patience or the prefrontal cortex for it. "No," Nico tells him and Nico's glare somehow worsens, mirroring that of his mother when Eren forgets to take the garbage out or leaves her in the morning without a kiss. "Nico, buddy that's not how this works, we have to wait for a fish," Eren bargains with the little boy.

God he hasn't seeked anyone's approval this hard since high school when he wanted to impress his father after Zeke came back into their lives, fuck. Nico sniffs, turning his head out towards the infinite blue of the lake. The final nail in the coffin is when the little boy drops his fishing rod to the bottom of the boat, toeing it away from his presence like it's personally offended him.

"Nico," Eren tries again, he'd wanted this to be a bonding experience, reminiscing on his own summer days out on the boat with his dad. But now that he thinks about it, maybe he'd been a little older when they'd done that.

"I guess you're not as good as mommy said you were." It's a shot to Eren's heart, and he immediately renews his fishing efforts, reeling his line in so he can cast again. He's going to catch this little fucker a fish if it's the last thing he does, if only out of pure spite at this point. "I'm a great fisherman, I showed you the pictures right?" Nico sends him an almost disbelieving glance, green eyes doubtful before turning back to the wonders of the lake, "You looked a little younger in those pictures daddy, I'm not sure you've still got it." Fuck, children are evil, pure evil, and observant as hell. Everything this kid says is ripping his confidence to shreds because he's not fucking wrong, not in the slightest.

Eren hasn't fished in probably two years. He'd given up the hobby mostly during teaching school, there wasn't time to trek out to the lake or the river for hours on end just to catch a small trout or if he was lucky a bass.

Eren winces, pulling his rod back for another cast, "Why don't you try again with your rod buddy, you'll have fun." "I'm okay," Nico mumbles, leaning over the boat to dip a finger into the water, "I'll just wait for you."

God it's the disappointment that's by far the worst part, who knew gleaning your child's own approval would be so hard.

It's killing him inside, he's gotta catch this kid a fish.

Its not even been an hour since they got out here, maybe 40 minutes maximum.

Fuck, he should have listened to Mikasa when she said he might be a bit young for fishing, why hadn't he listened to the boy's mother? Famous last words. Eren does not in fact catch a fish, no matter how mnay different areas he moves the boat, or how many fish he sees other nearby boatgoers catch, the fish seem to absolutely loathe him today. He goes back to the dock heartbroken, even more so as Nico steps out of the boat primly, going almost immediatley to Mikasa's awaiting arms. She hugs him, that bright smile on her face as she asks them both about their adventures, "How did my boys do? Anything I'll be cooking up for dinner tonight?" "No Mommy, Daddy's not the best fisherman," Nico comments before burying his head in her waist, and Mikasa fucking laughs. She notices his forlorn look a few minutes later when she sends Nico back up to their campsite, and she's borderline cackling as she slides her arms around his waist, looking up at him mischievously. "Bad day?" "He hated it, ugh," Eren groans, dropping his fishing gear to the dock and letting himself be comforted by his very beautiful wife, he's ffucking moping. Mikasa laughs, the tinkling of bells in his ears as she kisses her way up his neck before placing a chaste peck at the corner of his mouth. "That'll happen sometimes, get used to it baby." "It really fucking sucks." Mikasa cackles now, "First time it happened to me was when I brought him to an amusement park. Kid fucking HATED it." "Really?" Eren pulls back, a smile tugging at the corner of his lips, "An amusement park?"

"Yeah, too loud," Mikasa chuckles, "I paid all this money and he was miserable all day, we left early actually." "Seriously?" Eren asks, tugging her further into his arms, his hands not so conspicuously running over her ass. She swats him for it, but she doesn't bother to move his hands. He smiles into the crown of her hair and she snuggles further into him, "Yep, and let's not forget my attempts at tennis lessons, I thought he could be a child prodigy but what a mistake that was." Eren barks out a laugh, "Is that why he's always glaring at the tennis equipment in the garage?" Mikasa nods against his chest, "Yup! he thinks i'm gonna send him back." "Let's hope not." She bites his shoulder playfully, "Well with your luck now Yeager he's going to be glaring at the fishing equipment."

He swats her ass this time and she squeaks, "I've still got time." "That's what I said about tennis." "We could raise a fishing tennis prodigy yet Miki." "Sure." It's nice to know he's not the only one, and he's sure Mikasa feels the same, parenting isn't exactly easy, and despite what his early childhood education classes would have him believe, it's not quite as straightforward as employing Vygotsky and Piaget at every turn and gentle parenting the shit out of kids. Sometimes it's difficult, and disappointing and very much not rewarding when his little gremlin of a child stonewalls him fromt he other end of the boat, but it's still his kid either way and he sure does love the little brat.

[some-pers0n]

YOU WATCHED GODZILLA MINUS ONE LETS GOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

shaking you to talk about it

I need to just..sit and think for a minute. Give me a second..

Okay on my laptop. Now I can think. Spoilers for the movie of course (PLEASE WATCH IT PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASEEEE)

So the movie is about a war vet, Koichi Shikishima. Shikishima was originally supposed to be a kamikaze jet fighter, but had fled his position last minute by lying about having a malfunction so he could live another day. He was afraid. He loved his family and his life. He wanted to live.

That is the main framing of the movie and the thing I kept coming back to. Shikishima felt nothing but guilt for everything he had done. The movie is more namely about WWII and its effects on Japan. On its people, both physically and mentally. Shikishima was meant to die. He was conscripted, trained, and prepared specifically to go into battle and die serving his country. This came at the end of the war however, when it became abundantly clear that a US invasion was coming. Shikishima did not want to die. He held value with his life. He saw the pointlessness of dying for a crumbling empire and lied.

Godzilla in this is a manifestation of war to me. It represents the might of the atomic bomb obviously, but also the sheer destruction and chaos of it all. It represents oblivion and the firey death that comes with war. It represents trauma. It represents Shikishima's trauma. It is why Shikishima's war still rages on. That thing is still around.

Shikishima blames himself for the event at Odo Island. He sees it as the final nail in the coffin for why he shouldn't exist anymore. He was scared. Like when he ran from his duties, he too could not fire at Godzilla as it attacked innocent people who had families to go home to. Over two dozen good men died that night because Shikishima could not act. Because of Godzilla.

Godzilla is that trauma to me. Shikishima thinks himself as a man who, by all accounts, should be dead. Why was I spared? he thinks. He believes himself as a coward. It's hammered home once he returns and sees his neighbourhood turned to rubble and dying fires. His neighbour, Sumiko, berates him for his inability to fulfill his role, blaming him for the massacre that took place. She repeats back the thoughts he already held: he is a coward. He should not be alive. What more does he have to live for? His family is dead. His inaction killed several people. He is a traitor to his country.

Suicide ideation and an inability to see a point in going on was such a noticeable part of Shikishima's character to me. His trauma and PTSD haunted him for years. He felt so much shame and guilt for what happened on that island.

Yet...he finds a reason to keep going, even if he doesn't realize just how much it means. A girl taking care of a child that is not her own, orphaned by the bomb raids, falls into his care. Soon enough, he makes a life around this girl, Noriko, and the child, Akiko. He gets odd jobs for them. He brings home money and, eventually, secures a nice government job.

I know I'm recapping thus far but also like...holy shit I gotta just lay it out. The movie just is so dense with stuff. Everything connects back to the central themes of trauma, war, and hope in the face of destruction. Everything relating to Shikishima feels so real in the sense that, for a moment, everything seems okay. It's alright. He meets and befriends his crew of people (including Dr. Noda!!! my favourite character, surprising absolutely nobody!) and it looks like things are looking up.

But it resurfaces. This beast. Awakened by the continuing nuclear bomb tests by the US. It shifts and changes, growing stronger. It is fueled by the weapons that were used to destroy and kill. It is war manifest. It is Gojira.

The boat scene was probably my favourite part in the whole movie. Seeing the main cast all work together so hard to try and outrun and wade off this unstoppable force. The CGI is also just wonderful. I still adore how it tries to emulate the flaws of practical effects in this scene in particular. The looming fear of Godzilla as it rapidly approaches them is just...so good. Then, it caps off with a sliver of hope in the form of a battleship from Singapore coming to save them, only for Godzilla to instantly body it via its atomic breath.

It resurfaces and brings back memories of that awful night. Nightmares have haunted Shikishima ever since, but they're only strengthened with Godzilla had returned. He has panic attacks. The once stoic and distant Shikishima crumbles and sobs, panicking and considering more abstract ideas. He does not see himself as alive. He's convinced he died. That none of this is real. That he isn't happy. He isn't alive. He is nothing more than a dead man who, despite anything, lives on for no real purpose.

It further hammers into him that there's no real reason to keep going like that when Noriko is swept away by the blast when Godzilla attacks Tokyo. That scene with him watching as Godzilla marvels in its destruction, screaming and yelling over the death of the person he loves. Death, trauma, war. It towers over him, shrouded in a cloud of ash and smoke and glowing a radioactive blue.

He agrees to Dr. Noda's plan to stop Godzilla, but mainly as a way for him to finally do what he always thought he was meant to do. Akiko, what is virtually his daughter in the eyes of everyone but himself, constantly broke my heart man. She loves him. She calls him daddy. She calls Noriko mommy. They're family. They're something for him to live for.

The night before Shikishima leaves to go and fulfill the role of a kamikaze, taking Godzilla down with himself, Akiko draws him a picture of their family. She cries. She wants her mother back. Why isn't she back? Where is she? Why can't daddy bring her back? It's not fair.

That scene just...hurt me so much. I can't describe it honestly. A lot of scenes with Shikishima grieving and processing his trauma cut deep, but seeing Akiko cry and Shikishima, a man who will be all but alive the next day, try and console her while still thinking about how he's gonna die... Jesus fuck man. The movie is evil.

The climax is fun, yet incredibly tense. I was on the edge of my seat the entire time. I knew that they would all be fine in the end and that Shikishima obviously must have had an eject seat installed, but I couldn't help but be engrossed into it. I think what mainly got me was seeing the citizens work together. It was emblematic of what I think is the overall message of the movie: hope. Hope to keep living. You cannot take on trauma by yourself and need a whole slew of people to support you.

Shikishima, in that fighter plane that was meant to a battle that never was, soars into the mouth of Godzilla mere seconds before it fires upon the ships. Right before the ship reaches, he pulls the eject button and survives. He...found his reason to keep going. Even if Noriko is gone, he wants to live. Even if the trauma may not fully be defeated, he wants to live. He needs to live, not just for Akiko, but for his friends. For himself. To let it known that Godzilla itself cannot take him down. He will persist in the face of oblivion manifest.

It's such an amazing movie okay? I'm just left in absolute awe at it. This and Shin Godzilla are so great. I loved Shin's portrayal of the incapability of the Japanese government in the face of disaster, namely taking inspiration from the ever-evolving disaster of the earthquake, tsunami, and nuclear meltdown. Minus One however shows the toll of trauma and war on the population. It effects the people. While Shin Godzilla is a satire of the government, Minus One Godzilla shows the horrors of being an ordinary person during it all.

Minus One Godzilla is horrifying. Every time it pops up I feel nothing but dread. I read somewhere that it's one of the smaller Godzilla designs, but honestly I don't think that took away from it whatsoever. Its staying presence is so strong that I can't honestly see it as being weak or tiny for it.

The movie's constant themes and message of moving past trauma and living in spite of everything is just so powerful too. There is so much good in life. You cannot let war and hopelessness consume you. You need to keep moving forward. The final confrontation of Godzilla is emblematic of it all. It's so good man. I love this movie so so so very much...

[fluffypotatey]

If wukong told (lied) to macaque that he never cared about him, do you think that would make macaque even more aggresive or like shut down/be the final straw that finally makes macaque let go of wukong

so, just like my answer for whether macky would willingly erase swk from his life, I think this answer also depends on when in the show swk told macky this, and what better way to explain this than by going through each outcome per season :)

UNO

looking at s1, we meet a Macaroni who is very hellbent on killing (or at the very least, heavily damaging) SWK because he feels like the guy never truly gave a shit about him (<- my interpretation). thus, it is safe to assume that if Wukong were to laugh off Marnolo's hurt and anger and tell the guy that he never cared, Mac&cheese will only feel that his current assumptions of SWK are correct and that the guy only cares about himself and his image.

would he feel hurt about it? oh absolutely. maybe punch a wall, destroy the "dojo" he allegedly lives in in an outburst of power and anger. maybe scream and cry but be mad at his own tears (begin to wipe them away but is too hash so he scars himself and then can't stop bc he's very self-destructive)

DOS

technically, Wukong is MIA so this would never happen. BUT! have you considered!!! Wukong telling MK that Macdonalds was just some guy from his past, nobody super important, basically a nobody he wronged in his long list of enemies. which MK might possibly parrot back to Macadoo in 2x07

heavens above Marconi would be pissed.

forget trying to be a dick to MK and "teaching" him that his path of emulating Wukong has already made him forget his friends (untrue, but this is what i assume was Macky's interpretation of MK's actions since the guy didn't actively search for his missing friends, who MK thought left him on purpose).

nah, Macky is hunting SWK down. he is out for blood because "did i serious mean so little to you? were our nights under that tree sharing secrets, dreams, peaches fucking nothing to you?" (and idk....maybe after the air clears out, possibly, macky would realize SWK's true reason for being MIA and....help out???? mayhaps???....yeah, yeah, i know only in my dreams T^T)

TRES

ok, so we could technically say this sort of happened in ep1 when Sun Wukong said, "i thought it was someone important," and, "so what, you're her puppet now? i mean, makes sense. you always did have a sidekick kind of vibe."

and that is basically Wukong implying that he viewed his relationship with Macaque as one where he didn't consider Macky to be important to him, or someone he saw as a close friend. however, this is also a tactic Wukong uses against nearly every villain he interacts with, simply to get a rise out of them. so, pin that down as Wukong being observant enough to know which words to use to hurt.

AND Macky's reaction to it is him jumping out of his cool-ass looking jet and body-slamming the monkey king to the floor. so, uh, it is safe to assume that Macky was pissed off at Wukong's comment.

THUS! with that in mind, we can say that in this context, Macackle will be upset enough to fight him; however, if we were to consider the end of s3 (like Samadhi Fire ritual to the end) i would go with the option of Mackarell shutting down and feeling like that comment is the nail in the coffin for their relationship.

CUATRO

in s4? absolutely not. he would be dragging Wukong by the ear, demanding that he repeat what he said, ordering Wukong to try and convince himself that their past meant nothing while Macky still lives and breathes. and especially after the s4 special.

you could argue that Macky could shut down in the beginning of s4, but i think he'd probably laugh it off because he knows now that Wukong is lying. he's being his old deflective self and probably doesn't know where to place Macanoli in his head now that they're technically on better terms with LBD done with.

but after all the drama of going through SWK's memories? nuh uh, Wukong can't get out of this, nope. you handed iMac a chocolate peach popsicle. it is too late for you turn back and lie about your feelings. you can dig your grave and lie about it, but he's just gonna hit you right back with your own medicine and make you understand that if y'all truly want to reconcile, you cannot continue lying to yourself that you don't care.

not anymore.

so, anyway, i hope this answers your question, anon! i had a lot of fun running this question around in me braincage :3

[cherrycola27]

Last Hurrah

Warnings: GUYS this is a heavy fic. I'm serious Minors DNI, 18+. Language, drinking. Mentions of head injury. Trigger Warning! Suicidal thoughts and actions

Pairing Rooster x Reader (Call Sign Juliet)

...................................................................................................

Part 1: In fair Fightertown where we lay our scene

For most people, when their life comes crashing down, they never saw it coming. They are the lucky ones. But for me, the whole thing played out infront of me in a series of scenes straight out a Shakespearean tragedy. How ironic really.

The first act came when watched my fiancée Rooster Bradshaw eject from his plane before it crashed into the side of a mountain.

The second came with the news that he had a head injury.

And the third, the final nail in my coffin, the dagger through the heart, was that when he woke up, he had no memory of who I was or our relationship over the past eighteen months. How very Nicholas Sparks.

All that happened six months and seventeen days ago. And for those six months and seventeen days, I, as well as every other member of the Dagger Squad family had been desperately trying to get him to remember me, to remember us, to remember the love we had, but nothing worked.

About a month ago I realized that there was little chance of Rooster ever remembering who I was, so I started making calls.

Do you know what it's like to have to explain to a baker, a venue owner, a photographer, a wedding coordinator, as well as sixty of you closest friends and family that you had to cancel your wedding because partner doesn't remember who you are? Because I do, and let me tell you, it sucks.

What might be worse is that for the past six months and seventeen days I have spent every night, crying myself to sleep, alone in the bed that we once shared.

For the past half a year I've felt as if I'm watching my life go by in slow motion. The world is moving forward without me. Rooster has gotten better for the most part, but he still doesn't know who I am. It kills me to see him happy, smiling, laughing, living without me.

And every time I see a girl flirt with him, the knife pushes futher into my chest. It isn't fair. I should be happy for him, happy that he is alive. But I'm not. Maybe it's horrible of me to think that way, but it's cruel that he is living carefree and smiling, while I'm a shell of the woman I once was.

Everyone has tried to help, but they know it's useless. Rooster and I are... friends... at best. But how can you be just friends with the person who six months ago promised you forever.

He is the one who almost died, yet I'm the one who did.

I'm not really living anymore, I'm just going through the motions. I get up, go to work, fly my plane, get a drink at the Hard Deck, go home, cry myself to sleep, and do it all again the next day.

It wasn't supposed to go like this. Rooster was the Romeo to my Juliet... a running joke with my call sign after we started dating.

Maybe it's karma for having Juliet as a call sign or maybe God has a sick sense of humor. Either way... I'm starting to think she was right... if you can't have the person you love in your life, is it really worth living?

"Hi there." A male voice snaps me out of my spiral. "You're Juliet right? I'm Dodger. I've seen you here a couple times, and I noticed you're glass is empty. Can I get you another drink?" He asks. I look him over. Dodger, I've seen him a few times. He is a bit younger than me and I probably out rank him. He is bad to look at, but he isn't Rooster. He hasn't been around long enough to know our history, and it's not like I wore your engagement ring anymore.

It felt wrong having a man give you attention, but Rooster got plenty from the girls...

I spent about an hour talking to Dodger. He flirted with me relentlessly, and honestly it felt good to have someone pay me attention, then before I even realized it, I had invited him home.

I made it as far as the couch before I stopped him. It felt wrong to let another man touch me, kiss me, let alone try to fuck me on the very couch Rooster had taken meu many times.

I mentally kicked myself that night after he left. I wasn't doing anything wrong— or was I? Everything seemed so unclear. I hadn't slept with anyone since Rooster's accident, I wondered if he had.

As the days drug on you found yourself slipping away more. You were short, angry, mean, bitter to those around you. You spent your days going through the motions and your nights crying or drinking away the pain.

And then, one Wednesday morning for no reason in particular the perfect plan hit you. That morning, you were asked to come in Friday night for some test flights. And that's when the realization hit you.

You were much happier the rest of the day. Thursday you smiled for the first time in ages, and we Friday came around, you were more than excited to go out.

Everyone commented how you seemed like your old self again.

You had a couple drinks at the Hard Deck but not too many because you did have to fly later that evening. You sang karaoke with Phoenix, danced without a care in the world, and even beat Hangman in a game of darts.

After a while you got hot and decided to step out on the deck for some air. You smiled knowing your friends would have a happy moment to remember you by.

You must have been out there longer than you thought because Jake came to check on you.

"Hey Jules, you okay?" He asked.

"I'm great Jake. You know I've been so lucky to have had you and everyone as friends. Rooster has been too. Make sure you watch out for him for me." You smiled as you hugged him.

"Well, I'm off to do a test flight. Goodbye Jake." You smiled with a tear in your eye.

You said your goodbyes to everyone else, save for Rooster. It hurt too much. Then you made your way to your car. You looked back at the Hard Deck one final time before putting it in gear and driving away.

You were gone for maybe five minutes before the wheels turned in Jake's head. He quickly found Phoenix. "Nat, I know I sound crazy but I think Juliet is going to hurt herself." He told her.

"What do you mean? She was fine when she left." Nat looked confused.

"That's the thing. She was a mess two days ago then all of a sudden she flips. They say that happens a lot when people decide to— and when were on deck she said she was lucky to have had us as friends and she asked me to watch out for Rooster for her. I know I sound crazy but Nat, I'm worried about her... she's supposed to do some test flying tonight... what if she..." Jake trailed off.

"You don't think she would? Do you?" Phoenix asked stunned.

"Phoenix her whole life fell apart. The person she is in love with doesn't know who she is. That's enough go make even the most sane person do something crazy." Jake said.

"Oh my God we have to do something." Phoenix said.

She and Jake quickly gathered everyone and explained the situation. Jake desperately tried to literally smack the memories back into Rooster with no success. Leaving them no other options the crew piled into the Bronco and Coyote's Jeep and raced to the air field.

Juliet took her time with her preflight checks, if it was going to be her last, she wanted to savor it.

Once she deemed everything perfect she placed her helmet on her head and climbed in the cockpit ready for take off.

"Mav you have to stop the training Juliet is going to hurt herself or worse!" Bob screamed into the phone while Jake drove. Phoenix was still trying to explain to Rooster what was going on but he was clueless.

There is no telling how many traffic laws Jake broke as he drove, but he didn't care.

Without warning, he hit a pot whole and a photo fell from the visor into Rooster's lap, and like lightning, every came back to him.

"Jake, where's Juliet, and why are you driving my car?" He asked.

"You know who Juliet is?" Phoenix asked leaning forward.

"Yes why wouldn't I?" Rooster asked. There was a collective sigh of relief, but then panic set in. Phoenix and Bob explained to him what happened and Rooster was in a panic.

Minutes later they pulled into base and jumped from the car, running to range control.

Mav had informed them that he couldn't get ahold of them. It was a race against the clock.

Juliet took a deep breath as she flew, she admired the sunset over the mountain peaks.

She took in the beautiful colors all around her, up here her problems seemed so small. She looked on her dash at the photo of her and Rooster. She grabbed her chain that held her dog tags and her engagement ring. She gripped them tight in her hand as she pulled the nose of her plane into a steep climb. Her goal was to send herself into GLOC so she wouldn't feel any pain.

She ignored the calls of the range control officers telling her to level out. She didn't hear the sounds of her friends bursting in the room yelling for her.

She tried to keep her breath even as she felt the g-forces pressing on her body, and then right before the blackness took over, she heard Rooster's voice calling out to her.

"JULIET!" He screamed over the comms. "Juliet, it's me Rooster, it's Bradley, please come in." He and the other range officers desperately tried to reach her, but there was no response.

The group looked out the tower window to see if the could spot her in the fleeting evening light.

They looked out just in time to see the ball of fire erupt from her plane as it collided with the side of the mountain.

Tag List: @dreamingathighaltitude @shanimallina87 @luckyladycreator2 @mak-32 @katieshook02 @samhapner6 @rosiahills22 @thedroneranger @roosterforme

Let me know if you want to be tagged in any other parts

[midnightbrightside]

Look here’s part of my interpretation of Krisnix

Particularly Phoenix’s feelings towards towards him

My headcanon is the timeline goes a bit like this

Year 1: I don’t know how I got disbarred but Kris is the only one who believes in me so I like him, I’m gonna cling to them for support

Year 2: Ok Kris is looking kind of sus but I’m just gonna ignore that since Edgeworth still hasn’t had time to visit me. Sure there’s something else I’m missing

Year 3: Ok the signs are pointing to Kris but if I just zeno my thinking some other factors/excuses will materialize

Year 4: ok no all the signs are saying he did it out of spite but if I just huff enough copium the facts will change and the only person who’s been able to support me in person and not through time zone screwed phone calls and e-mails won’t be the one who ruined my life

Year 5: Ok so the facts haven’t changed and he’s an asshole but I’ll fix him like I fixed Edgeworth. He says he cares about me so it must be true (after all wanting something to be true really badly makes it true right?) I’ll fix him!

Year 6-7: ok being around him is very weird and I’m upset he disbarred me but I need to figure out what his tragic background is so I can fix him, then I can reform the court system and he can be like Edgeworth except he doesn’t leave me for Europe 😤

*Kris commits murder*

Phoenix: … so I guess I can’t fix him :/

I genuinely think for a least a while Nick had to have some kind of fix it mindset with him

I mean Edgybaby was said to have forged evidence and Nick didn’t really care. I really think murder was the final nail in the coffin

Thoughts? Is this a valid timeline? I know some people like it where Nick realizes what happened immediately and just hated Kris internally all 7 years but to me that’s boring

I have even more complicated thought of Kris’ thoughts of Nick so look out

this is so real and also mostly how i see phoenix' s thoight process tbh!! especially the years of ignoring red flags only to then try and "fix him", he'll drag out the denial as long as possible. besides hes dealt w corrupt guys before, he was willing to give edgeworth for a lot, and its very possible he didnt know kristoph was capable of murder until turnabout trump.

and fuck how DEVASTATING must that be? to spend years knowing someone intimately and being willing to overlook all of the signs because the support and companionship they offer is more reliable and consistent than anything youve had before? only to end up feeling like you dont know them at all (might be working on a little drawing about that atm actually 👁👁 work is hell tho and slowing me down so much)

[steddieassheg0es]

Steve is used to being appreciated for superficial details. The things that have nothing to do with him really.

He doesn’t think he’s ever been liked for anything that makes him him. Even Nancy, for all that they care for each other now, had only really wanted to rebel in the way that only cool, well off kids can. She wanted the hot boyfriend who she could drink with and have sex with and feel a little less like the girl from the cul-de-sac. Steve was just the body attached to that goal.

Tommy just wanted his status. The right hand man to the King. Never mind that none of the people who fawned over him knew the first thing about him. All that mattered was Tommy was cool by association.

His father…well his father wanted Steven Harrington III. The trust fund kid, Stanford legacy, heir to his prestigious business. The man who would marry the perfect trophy wife and have the perfect life. When that all went up in flames, he wanted Steve to shut up and stay out of the way. Try not to be an even bigger disgrace to the family name.

His mother was too drunk to remember he existed half the time. He preferred that to the cold indifference when she was sober.

The kids might actually like him by now. He’s not really sure. He knows he loves them all dearly. He’d give his life for any of them, nearly has a few times. But mostly to them he feels like a human shield. Good to take the hits and keep on taking them. Maybe a bit of comedic relief. You can always count on Steve to say something dumb and lighten the mood. 

(When he’s being less self pitying, he knows that’s not exactly fair. He remembers the surprisingly heartfelt “If you die, I die” from Dustin in the Russian elevator. Though he also remembers the unintentionally overheard “No one is around. Why do you think I’m with Steve Harrington?” from the same kid just the year before. So maybe they do like him now, but being freshly graduated from highschool and entering the adult world to have the only people who even remotely like you as a person be a group of children is a bit depressing. The thought that they’ll grow up and learn better, move on and leave him behind…)

It’s not until Robin that he feels really seen. It’s an unexpected friendship born from a silly little crush. Though when he really thinks back he’s not sure he ever actually had a crush on her. The truth is far more pathetic. He just hadn’t realized friendship could be like this. The only love he’d known before was romantic or almost fatherly and protective. A grown man who didn’t know friends could actually care for each other.

He’ll forever be thankful to have Robin, treasures their platonic love more than he can say. He knows deep down though that once she graduates she’ll move on to bigger and better things.

No one stays around for Steve Harrington. No one loves Steve Harrington. Steve Harrington is bullshit.

Even more pathetically, Steve is still a romantic at heart. Desperately needy. He longs to be loved, to be desired for more than his body.

Not that he doesn’t like sex. It’s just that he’s had enough shallow flings to last two life times. A few moments of pleasure followed by days of feeling hollow. Women who want to see if the rumors of his skills in bed are true, who want to claim a night with King Steve, who want to be seen with someone sexy on their arm. Want to tick him off their checklist and never look back.

They don’t listen to him. They couldn’t care less about his likes or dislikes, his dreams, his fears. Mostly they chat about themselves or if they’re a bit more polite they might ask him about his former glory days. Spend enough time in public to be sure they’ve been seen with him then take him home. Rinse and repeat.

So he gives up. He’s tired of shallow and can’t seem to find anything else, so what’s the point?

When the world doesn’t end for the 4th and 5th time Steve figures it’s the final nail in that coffin. How can he ever hope to find someone who will look past the noose-like scar around his neck or the chunks of flesh missing from his abdomen? It’s not like he can tell anyone. NDA’s aside, who would believe him?

At least his circle of age appropriate friends has grown. It’s not how he’d have liked to meet Eddie or Argyle, or get closer to Nancy and Jonathan, but he’ll take what he can get for as long as he can get it.

There was a moment where he thought maybe Nancy finally did love him. But once the adrenaline faded, so did the hope. Both because he could see she was only reaching out to him as something safe and comfortable, but also because he was doing the same. He’ll always have a deep love for her, but there’s truly no romantic feelings left there.

Nor are there between her and Jonathan it seems. Which becomes a weird bond for the two men, their once love for Nancy Wheeler. They understand each other better now, and adding in Argyle and his zen like energy and never ending weed supply they provide the most laid back company he’s ever had.

Eddie…he’s not sure what to think of Eddie Munson at first. He's known of him by reputation for a while (and he flinches at the thought that that goes both ways), but gossip does him little justice.

Eddie is vibrant. Steve never really understood when people would say someone could light up a room until now, because Eddie does. He’s so kind despite everything this town has done that by all rights should have snuffed that out. He’s funny, incredibly smart, and beautiful. Not just physically, though he is, but he has the most beautiful soul.

So really, it’s no surprise that Steve falls head over heels for him.

—

The day Eddie kisses him, his heart breaks.

He’s too needy to say no to this, to anything Eddie’s willing to give him. It just hurts to know that Steve’s done it again somehow, lured someone in close with his looks. Like the light of an angler fish, shiny and pretty and distracting from the grotesque thing behind it all.

He’d thought maybe they could be real friends. No one loves Steve but maybe Eddie could like him.

“Stevie?”

He blinks back into reality. “Hm?”

“You wanna say something? I just kissed you and you haven’t said or done anything and I’m kind of freaking out here.”

“Oh. Uh…right. Sorry. You just caught me off guard.” He smiles, because he’s desperate enough to soak up any bit of affection he can get, even if it’s empty. “You should try that again, I’ll get it right this time.”

His smile widens, more genuine, at the sound of Eddie’s laughter as he does what he’s told. Feels it against his grinning mouth. Wonders if he can swallow that sound, keep it with him forever. Something to hold onto when Eddie inevitably grows bored with him.

He waits for the escalation…and waits…and waits. But while Eddie does pull Steve into his lap, his grip stays firm and still on his waist. Never pulling Steve into motion, never wandering to touch. He gently sweeps his tongue across Steve’s lips, waits for permission to enter, then seems content to continue making out.

Not that Steve’s complaining. Actually there’s nothing that he loves more than kissing. He’s just…confused. Everyone he’s ever been with has always seemed to view kissing as a necessary part of dating or the unavoidable first step to a hookup. Never something to enjoy just for the sake of it. They always pull away first.

He considers moving things along himself, but hesitates. If he thinks about it, it’s possible this is Eddie’s first kiss. Small town Indiana probably doesn’t provide much opportunity for gay hookups. Maybe he’s just not quite ready yet. It’s not like Steve wants to rush things along. The sooner Eddie gets it out of his system, the sooner he moves on. And the last thing Steve wants to do is push him. Steve can wait. He’s very good at being patient. And if he’s Eddie’s first, well, he wants to make it special. 

He refuses to let himself think too hard about that. His first time was hardly anything noteworthy, he hardly remembers the girl. Eddie’s more cautious than he was, especially with being gay, but that just means he trusts Steve to keep a secret. It doesn’t mean he’s special.

No one loves Steve Harrington.

—

Steve just gets more confused as time goes on.

Things have changed between them, just not in the way he was expecting. Eddie is unbearably sweet to him. Not that he wasn’t before, but it’s different now. He calls him “sweetheart” and “baby” and “angel”. Holds his hand any time they’re alone. His kisses, while they do occasionally have some heat behind them, are most often soft and gentle. When they watch movies on his couch he pulls Steve against his chest, sometimes lays them down and curls himself around Steve, always holds him close.

He doesn’t even pull away when his uncle walks in the door, tightens his grip when Steve tries to the first time. Mr. Munson (‘It’s Wayne, boy. Mr. Munson was my father an’ he was a mean son of a bitch.’) just smiles at them fondly. Like he’s happy to see his nephew wrapped around another boy, wrapped around Steve.

More confusing than anything is that after weeks, he still hasn’t pushed for more than kissing. Steve’s felt him hard against his thigh when they’re pressed in close, but Eddie just politely shifts his hips away. Says nothing, does nothing about it.

Doubt begins to swirl in Steve’s mind, poisonous. If sex is the one thing he’s good for and Eddie doesn’t want it, what does that mean?

Is Eddie just too nice to tell him the truth?

He wouldn’t be surprised. Steve may not be anything special, but that wouldn’t matter to Eddie. Eddie is good, and kind, and wonderful. He would hate to hurt anyone.

The question is, is Steve deplorable enough to take advantage of that? To take and take until even Eddie has nothing left to give?

He’s really not sure.

—

The day it all comes to a head is really nothing more worthy.

It started like most days this summer have. The Party is gathered at his house, most of them enjoying the pool. Only he and Nancy refuse to go in, choosing instead to watch from their lounge chairs side-by-side. Nancy seems to be watching Robin in particular, which is interesting.

Steve of course only has eyes for Eddie. Who seems pleased by it, preening under the attention and showing off.

Eventually he drags himself up out the pool (and if Steve appreciates the flex of his arms and chest that is his business), and he surprises Steve by flopping down in front of him, Steve’s legs bracketing Eddie’s.

Steve laughs and shoves him, complaining about getting wet, but his mind is racing. They haven’t exactly told anyone besides Wayne about whatever it is they’re doing. All intimate touching behind closed doors. Eddie’s a tactile guy though, and no one bats an eye at him sprawled across Steve while he chats with Nancy.

He’s so lost in thought he doesn’t notice when Nancy leaves to sit by the pool and dip her legs in while she flirts with Robin. Doesn’t notice Eddie looking over his shoulder observing him. Stays unfocused until Eddie shifts, pressing his back to Steve’s chest and resting his head on his shoulder.

“Penny for your thoughts pretty boy? You look so serious.”

“Hm? Oh, no it’s nothing. You know me, not much going on in my head.”

Eddie frowns instead of joining in his laughter like he expected. Like everyone else does.

“Don’t do that, I hate that you let everyone joke about you like that. Because I think you genuinely believe it. You’re not stupid, Stevie. If you don’t wanna talk about whatever you’re thinking about that’s fine but don’t say that it’s nothing or that you’re dumb.”

“I am, though. It’s ok Eddie. I know I’m not…you don’t have to pity me so if that’s what this has all been about it’s not necessary.”

“Pity? I don’t…what what is all-“

Eddie’s cut off by Dustin excitedly bounding up to them, eager to share an idea he had for their next campaign. He gives Steve a significant look that tells him this conversation isn’t over before he indulges their favorite gremlin.

Steve wasn’t sure he wanted to pick this up later though. On the one hand he didn’t want to be the reason Eddie was miserable, feeling stuck with him. It’s just…he thought he had a little more time.

So he does his best to drag the day out as long as possible. With the kids being out of school it’s easier, he’s charmed all of their parents enough that they don’t have a curfew when they’re with him.

As the afternoon sun dips lower towards the horizon he wrangles them all out of the pool to eat. Dustin unwittingly kept Eddie engaged while he manned the grill so he didn’t get a chance to corner Steve while he was away from the group.

Now Eddie sits beside him, lets his hand rest on Steve’s knee as the kids thank him and dig in. He allows himself this moment of happiness. Everyone he loves together (almost, Joyce and Hop are taking advantage of some alone time), filling their bellies with food he’s prepared. The ever present protective anxiety in him settles.

He glances over to see Eddie watching him with the softest smile.

“What?”

“Nothing, just…you. Proud mama hen.”

He can feel his cheeks heat, which only makes Eddie’s smile widen. “Shut up.” 

Once everyone is stuffed to the gills they all change into their pjs and descend to the basement for a movie. They sprawl about on the couches and nest of blankets on the floor. Once Steve gets the movie set up and makes sure no one wants anything, Eddie shoves Mike to the floor and pats the seat next to him, ignoring the younger Wheeler’s protests.

As soon as he sits Eddie quickly tugs his legs into his own lap. When he tries to pull them back, Eddie holds him still by the ankles.

“Nuh-uh. You’re staying right there, big boy. You’ve been playing host all night, and you’ve done a wonderful job. But now you’re going to relax. If anyone needs anything they can help themselves.”

The kids all shush them as the movie starts so he just lays back and accepts it. Might as well soak up this last bit of affection while he can.

—

Of course, he can’t make the night last forever.

Eventually the movie ends and everyone starts filtering out. Nancy and Argyle divvy up the kids to chauffeur then everyone says their goodbyes.

Robin hesitates at the door, her gaze searching. He can feel Eddie’s presence behind him as he conspicuously lingers, clearly not intending on leaving with everyone else. Steve’s not sure what his face is doing but it’s enough for Robin to be concerned.

“You good, dingus? You want to do one of our parties tonight?”

He wants so badly to say yes. To use her as a shield to protect his heart. But he knows he can’t delay the inevitable much longer.

“Nah, I’m all good. You can go hit on my ex to your heart’s content.” He grins as she sputters before stomping off.

He takes a deep breath to steel himself before he turns to face the music.

“So…”

“What did you mean, earlier? When you said ‘if all of this is pity’?”

Well then, they’re jumping right into this it seems.

“Look, I…I get it, ok? I know I’m not the person people love. I’m the one night stand or maybe a fling. What I don’t understand is you apparently don’t even wanna fuck me. So just because everyone else is gonna leave me, you don’t have to stick around. It’s not your responsibility. I’ll be fine. I’m always fine.”

“Oh sweetheart…there’s so much to unpack about what you just said, I don’t even know where to start.” He looks like he’s in physical pain, Steve wants to reach out and soothe. Before he can, Eddie is invading his space, reaching out to hold his face. “Baby…how can you not know that I love you? Fuck. You’re everything.”

“You…what?”

“There aren’t enough words to describe how I feel about you. I could write a million songs and it would barely scratch the surface. And I’m not even close to the only person who loves you. Every person that just left this house adores you. Why would you ever think they don’t?”

“I’m not-I don’t…my own parents don’t love me. No one loves me. People always leave me behind.”

“Fuck your parents. Fuck every idiot you knew in high school. And I love her, truly, but fuck Nancy Wheeler. Listen to me, we all love you and none of us are ever going to leave you. Even if they move for college or jobs or whatever they’re not leaving you. And I’m not going anywhere without you. If you don’t love me…or if you stop wanting to be with me, you’re never getting rid of me. Understand?”

He doesn’t realize he’s crying until he feels Eddie’s thumbs stroking the wetness away.

“You really love me? You’re sure?”

“So fucking sure, sweet thing. God I’ve been infatuated with you since the day you verbally eviscerated Tommy Hagan in the cafeteria. But I was gone for you the moment I opened my eyes in the hospital and saw you there. I’d have told you right then but I didn’t want to scare you away. I couldn’t believe it when you kissed me back. Never thought I’d be so lucky, I just couldn’t hold it in anymore.”

Steve feels a sob tear out of his throat as he shoves himself into Eddie’s arms, burying his face in the curls against his neck.

“I love you, Eddie, so much. God I love you, I love you, I love you..”

Eddie shushes him, holding him close and stroking his back in big soothing circles. He cries like a summer storm, intense but brief, then sags once it’s all out of him. He’s suddenly exhausted. Somehow Eddie seems to sense it.

“C’mon princess, let’s get you to bed, hm?”

They make their way upstairs, both of them brushing their teeth and stripping down to their boxers. When they crawl into bed, Steve nestles himself into Eddie’s side and wraps himself around him. He can feel his doubts trying to claw their way to the surface but tries his best to shove them down. He may not understand it, but he trusts Eddie not to lie to him.

“You still awake baby?”

Barely. “Mhm.”

“There’s something else you said…about me not even wanting to fuck you?”

“Oh…it’s ok if you don’t. It’s just usually all people want from me so when you didn’t go for it...”

“Seriously, fuck those people. But that’s not…of course I want you, pretty boy. I just didn’t want to rush you. I know you’re not exactly inexperienced, but I’m pretty sure I’m the first guy? Even if I’m not…baby, I want you so bad it makes me dizzy, but I could spend the rest of my life kissing you and die happy.”

“Yeah? So if I said I never want to…”

“Then we never will. I’d never pressure you.”

“Well I do. Want to.” He hides his burning face in Eddie’s chest. “You’re so fucking hot, shit. You are the first guy though. Not the first I’ve ever noticed but I’ve never been interested enough to go for it. So taking it slow might be a good idea. And I…I really like kissing you.”

“I really like kissing you too, Stevie. Can’t get enough of that pretty pink mouth of yours.” His reply is cut off by a jaw cracking yawn. “Alright sweetheart, time for all the pretty boys to get their rest. I’ll be right here when you wake up.”

Realistically he knows it’s going to take a long time for his insecurities to fade, but as he drifts off to sleep he lets those words sink in to his heart and for the first time in his life he feels loved.

Shout out to my beta reader @conversationswithamillennial ❤️❤️❤️ You’re amazing.

[nalyra-dreaming]

Rewatch thoughts episode 2

The groan is really prominent. And we must be past QotD for that art to be on the wall, like, I cannot see Armand hanging that prior to some kind of a reunion.

Also the music being Sybille‘s preferred one is interesting to say the least. (At least I think it is ?)

The guy bringing the AB negative… I wonder if that may be one of the vampires, too. The extra shot… David, maybe. (IF he hasn’t been introduced in Mayfair Witches episode 6 just now).

The spark being a reference to Memnoch is just such a nice touch.

The wine comparisons are very nice, considering how there’s always bottles/alcohol in their home (especially when laying low later).

Louis wanting to go for that guy had to seem to Lestat as if his… inclinations were closer to his re fun and sex imho. He probably should‘ve let him…

Sam had lost the nail on the right middle finger. Cannot unsee now 🙈

The broadcasting is very deliberately shot.

Lestat totally enjoyed being thrown around the room. And he also relished a lot getting to carry Louis. I wonder how often he might have done that… the carrying bridal style I mean. If Louis let that happen after. (I can totally see it in their good times).

You can be on top. Mh hmmmm. All the ash and blood in Lestat’s coffin? Did he scrub the lining after? ;))

The fact that Louis had nightmares is so… did Lestat hold him then? They are obviously discussing it. Did they continue to sleep together later for that reason, too? And when they didn’t anymore… that probably didn’t help either.

The almost sharp retort and challenge to peel back on Louis… lol.

And the bitching between Lestat and Mama Du Lac is still hilarious.

Grace calling Louis better you… 😭 So heartbreaking that it had to go wrong at some point.

The slight smile when Louis recalls the unfortunate incident with the business man… lol. You can still see the edges of that anger even in modern Dubai.

Also, on that - Lestat’s library of confusion is so on point (as is their whole argument) bc Lestat just doesn’t get that. I‘ve said it before it’s not willful imho, but… he just doesn’t get it.

And that broadcasting once more when realizing he cannot say no… (despite his better judgement).

A cigar is a cigar is a cigar… or not. 😈 (Them almost cracking up makes me crack up lol).

I still doubt he ate the baby, they would have come after them if he had. BUT I like the moral question posed. Also, knowing Lestat did in Notre Dame and NOLA while recuperating … maybe a parallel to season 2 later. I‘d love that.

The brute in Madagascar. WHO TF is that supposed to be.

Lestat telling Louis of the rite of passage (and generally being rather aware) is often overlooked for the further developments imho. Because we’re still well within a mortal lifetime… that rite of passage coincides with what is happening later.

The opera scene is still baffling to me - to know this was their first scene. The… feeling there already.

The way Louis softens to the tuxedos…. and the factual intimacy of the tenor’s death. I know he says something different, but the way they supposedly drain the man for hours?! It’s easier if you can say it’s because are under someone’s thrall. Because he just before called himself a pupil for the last 6 years… he doesn’t tell anything else about those 6 years, apart from the mountain of money. Quite the skip. But Lestat calls it finally submitting to his nature… there must have been a lot more problems in regards to… eating.

The thing with Alice‘s brow always being dyed back to brown is indeed quite interesting. It’s too prominent for this show, especially given the location of eating that dessert in Paris.

[nikibogwater]

I honestly think that LucasFilm wanted to make the Mando and Grogu movie due to realizing how much they kinda screwed up the setup for the characters after the S2 finale, especially having the two reunite in a show not many people checked out or really knew about, not even doing a "previously on" or really quick recap for the beginning of S3 for people who weren't caught up in the loop, cause i thought that was pretty weird.

And then the entirety of S3 happened. After that, it seemed like they put a nail in the coffin that they couldn't pry out, but are now trying to pull it out with a another nail that's as dull as the previous one.

Yeah, I'm fairly certain this movie was only greenlit out of financial desperation. Truth be told, I'm actually quite fascinated by the levels of incompetence and tone-deafness on display over at Lucasfilm. It's not like they don't have anyone there who knows what they're doing--it's just that the people capable of making good stories have all their creative control ripped away from them as soon as the executives realize their ideas might actually get people's money. And naturally, as soon as the storytelling is taken away from actual storytellers, the movies and shows become trash. But what is most amazing to me is the fact that Lucasfilm execs just....don't learn anything from it. People didn't like how we treated Luke Skywalker in the sequel trilogy? Great! Let's do the exact same thing to Indiana Jones! Oh fiddlesticks, looks like we just lost a few hundred million dollars on that, huh? That's okay, we still have Bo Katan to replace Din as the main character in The Mandalorian. What's that? Season 3 lost 60% of its audience within the first week? Well that just doesn't make any sense. I know! Let's try making a movie all about Rey! Y'know! The single most divisive and disliked character in the entire franchise! Somehow the saga of unwise decisions just keeps going on and on, even though it really should have ended with The Last Jedi. But they must be aware that they're not making enough money to sustain the company like this, because otherwise why return to Din and Grogu after making it abundantly clear that they don't really care about these characters anymore? The only question is whether or not the corporate side will take a step back to let Favreau and Filoni do their thing. I think that's the only way a Mando & Grogu movie would even have a chance of succeeding, after all the shenanigans the studio's pulled. But that seems pretty unlikely at this point.

Oh well. On the bright side, my spite for the current overall state of the media industry has been excellent fuel for my own creative endeavors. I never write more than when I'm angry, haha. Thanks so much for the message, Non! ✨

[darthbloodorange]

Some news (I guess)

I went through my desk and drawers and went through all my art WIPS. Lots going years back, some nearly a decade old now, that I never got around to finishing. Some I'm not going to finish, that I'm just going to shred and put on the garden as the art has no interest to me now. But others I really want to finish. I'm going to have to redo them from scratch as my art style has improved a lot since when I began creating fanart. (I didn't believe I could draw people before then.) I also have a lot of fic WIPs I want to finish too. Some I've started posting, most that I haven't.

I'm also kind of wanting to get into writing some longer fics. I still love drabbles. But I've got some fic ideas too large for dabbles. I've re-organized my AO3 with this in mind. I had all my bingo and event content grouped together in different series (93 in all - with multiple rounds all saved in the one series). I moved these all into Collections (119 of them, wow) which works so much better for me. This means my AO3 series contains only series, which is great (It's nice to be able to fine my actual series now). I was surprised that I had only created three series. I have plans to create a few more 😉

I gained a few new fandoms. Not that I'm leaving the Marvel fandom. I'm not! I've stopped watching the newer MCU stuff though.

[below is some of the media that have taken my interest recently. A bit rambly, sorry.]

I got around to seeing the DnD film, Honour Among Thieves. Xenk Yendar is dear to me. The movie was so earnest with its storytelling. I could see the way it was going, the tropes were heavily signposted. But it deviled perfectly. You could see what was coming and weren't disappointed with its application. (i.e. Simon/Confidence, Edgin/Letting go etc). It was really well done.

💜.

Black Sails is a pit I've fallen into and can't crawl out of... The show - Flint, really - reignited something in me I hadn't realized had gone out. The belief that it's still possible to fight for a better world.

Gates was my favourite until his death. Flint had a lot of redeeming to do in my eyes after that, but he became my new favourite. I'm sorry to say I wasn't a fan of S!lver. He gave me anxiety from the get-go with all his plotting and antics (some of which, I admittedly found amusing). I was torn between laughing and wanting to throttle him until season 3. During which, my opinion of him started going downhill with few redeeming moments. (The final episode was the nail in the coffin for me.)

Do I think S!lver killed Flint?  I don't think it matters. Both endings are equally devastating. Death or the plantation (possibly allowed to be with Thomas if the owner is benevolent enough to let them have time together - unlikely - Oglethorpe speaks of people 'cease[ing] to be' in the same way S!lver talks of 'unmaking' people. **Cough Cough Conversion Vibes Cough**.)

Funny aside. When I first saw Mariana (coupled with how Flint responded to her - He looked really grief-stricken and a little shocked? and tried), I legitimately thought she might be a ghost of someone from his past. My friend, who I was sharing my watch-through with, laughed uncontrollably. I didn't understand why... Until she actually became a ghost that haunted him.

I adore FlintHamiltons. I would say the three are my OTP of the series... but... I also really like Flane. I didn't like Vane at first but he really grew on me. I jokingly started shipping it when Vane said he was going to save Flint. I started shipping it a little more earnestly as he did as he said he would. But when Vane saved Flint from Teach it was like falling down the stairs into the ship. I was hopelessly, irrevocably lost to Flane. FlintHamiltons and Flane are near equal in my heart. So FlaneHamiltons are my really OTP because why not both?

I really loved how Teach was handled? Normally when Blackbeard is in a show I've just been disappointed. Mostly he's just a two-dimensional villain who wants ultimate power. Very boring. The sigh of relief I gave in episode one when Blackbeard was just one of Noonan's girls. I was so relieved. Then he was introduced in season 3 and I was admittedly disappointed. I loved pirates as a kid. So I recognized the name Teach. I perked up when I heard his name, because I was like "Hey, I know that name! I know Teach!!!" only seconds later to go, oh crap, it's Teach. They brought in Blackbeard. Great. I was happily surprised with how they portrayed him. That my expectations were proven very wrong. I love him. That moment with Vane in Season 3 Episode 3 where Teach offers Vane a choice, not an ultimatum hit me in the heart. The way he asks Vane to be his son/legacy. Doesn't claim. Asks! Offers him the choice. I've never seen that in a show. And it got to me. I felt horrible for Teach when Vane sided with Flint on the beach. And sad that it was in part because Teach slipped up and created an ultimatum for Vane. Him or Flint. And Vane picked Flint.

(I shall stop talking about Black Sails... for now. That show has taken up residence in my soul, I swear.)

💜.

I've reignited my love of Star Wars (though I'm not a fan of the direction Disney has taken things.), though my ships have changed slightly (Obi-Wan is still my favourite). Ob!k!n is very much a NOPE! Anak!n too, kind of... sorry (I can't get past a lot of his choices. or political views, especially with how real-world stuff has gone). Still adore the Jedi, love my soft found family of space empath wizards.

💜.

I finally watched Bridgerton. I loved it. Lady Danbury is the BEST! Her godson is a close second. But nobody is as amazing as Lady Danbury.

And a few other bits of media... which I enjoyed but don't think I'll create content for. (I've been working my way through my "to watch list".)

I watched "Some Like It Hot" (Didn't like Sugar/Joseph's relationship. But ngl, Osgood/Daphne was kind of sweet? Especially when Daph started to really like him.) and the Clue movie from the 80s (I think what Mr Green said he was going to do when he gets home was a cover-up to hide the truth of his identity from his employers. I've read a fic where Boddy was also undercover and they are partners... and I'm not letting that go. The whole "Sit" moment is really funny now with that added fantext.)

[elvesofnoldor]

i was so confused when i read the plot of "Tale of Body Thief" cause i was like, i thought louis was ready to get back together with lestat??? so how come he just rejected lestat again, like what the fuck was that all about. Now that I read IWTV and finally understand its plot, i don't even have to read the tale of body thief to know exactly what happened. Everybody makes fun of Lestat for making the dumbass decision of swapping body with a mortal rando just to be human again. This dude wanted to embrace true death and you all are laughing. Unlike Louis, Lestat is actually interested in being a good person, not looking like a good person. But I do think Lestat got the right idea when he decided to become mortal again, he already died, if he wants to be good again he has to unfortunately embrace true death and become someone else. But of course!! Louis tried to take this opportunity of Actually Being Good away from Lestat. He still doesn't actually love Lestat!! He has always just desired Lestat, he wanted to fuck Lestat but he never loved Lestat. His weak fucking love for Lestat only extends to Lestat's physical attraction. This death-obsessed little sick fuck (louis) was only into Lestat cause he was 1. dead and 2. looks like his little brother, who was, btw only 15 when he died. He hated Lestat and acted cold towards Lestat from the get-go cause Lestat is just too alive for Louis to project his gross death fetish on. And lol, you thought this bitch might have changed when he said he could love Lestat at the end of Queen of the Damned, he probably only think he can actually love Lestat this time around cause Lestat looks hot and sexy again. He found Lestat years ago (Armand said that he looked through the window of the house Lestat was in), and he saw Lestat at his lowest point and just fucking bounced. of course it makes 100% sense why he didn't stay and help Lestat! Lestat looks ugly at that point and Louis did not care for it lol! In the body of body thief, Lestat went to Louis and ask to be with him looking like a different person, of course Fucking Louis rejected him. It's never Lestat he loved, only his body that Louis wanted. I think that was probably the final nail in the coffin, Lestat probably fell into such a despair at the end of the tale of body thief because he realized the only person who could love him was probably never capable of doing that. Imagine being in love with someone who only wanted you for your body, smh, and you all wonder why Lestat is so fucked up. It's honestly kinda sad that despite how fucked-up Armand is, he cares for Lestat more than Louis. At least he genuinely tried to offer Lestat help.