#this ramble is probably a little more incoherent than usual but. i cant get the pieces to fit together in my brain.

[nineliabilityrisk]

thinking abt how fredbear was most likely also designed as a springlock suit , one specifically for henry ...

henry likely didnt use it as often as will did spring bonnie — not even including the mans... extracurricular activities. still, he did, sometimes ; he was a little less averse to being in the public eye when he was in the suit. people werent looking at him when he was hidden behind that mask, after all, they were looking at fredbear. it was less personal, that way — he was less worried about what others thought when there was that slight layer of anonymity. he could focus on entertaining customers, keeping an eye on the kids during parties, etc etc. he could even enjoy it. a rare occurrence for a man so afraid of being perceived by others. he didnt use the suit often, but, when he did, he found a strange sort of comfort in it.

at least, he did until ... until evan. until he looked up at the stage and saw fredbears face — one he felt more connected to than his own, at times, as that was the one the public saw more often than not — drenched in the blood of the boy he regarded as closely as family. it makes him nauseous to even think about that animatronic to this day , a mixture of misplaced guilt and stomach-turning revulsion. he will never be able to get that image out of his head.

whether he was there when it happened — it was a party in his establishment after all, a party for the family that had accepted him as one of their own so readily. there was no doubt he wouldve wanted to attend one way or another — or if he was just sent in after the fact, left to be the one to clean up the stage and shut down the animatronic for good ... theres no way he wasnt left alone with fredbear for far too long after it happened. what that mustve done to him, the knowledge that fredbear — his animatronic, his creation, his second identity, the one he felt most comfortable in more often than not — had just crushed evans skull in its jaws. he wasnt as desensitized to death as he would eventually become, back then. evan was likely the first major loss he had experienced, the first death he had been close to, depending on what exactly happened with charlies mother by default in my canon [ which i still havent figured out yet, shhh... ] so... the fact that it was that gory, that traumatizing ... it wouldve shaken him to his core

evan. out of everyone it couldve been, it had been evan. hed loved that boy, loved him as his own — knew charlie saw him as her baby cousin and, god, she mustve been devastated too — and now, here he was, made to wipe the boys blood off of fredbears teeth, soak it out of his fur.

sure, maybe it wasnt entirely necessary — god knows fredbear would never be allowed up on stage again — but he felt like he had to. it was his duty. wouldve been disrespectful to them, both to fredbear and to evan, if the bot had just been left to rot in some storage room still coated in blood and gore. it wouldntve been right.

so he stayed, and he cleaned fredbear up. no matter how many sleepless nights it cost him — probably still costs him, haunted by the memory as he is — how many mealtimes he had to skip from how physically nauseated he was by the horrorshow shut away in his workshop, the countless hours he spent wallowing in the grief and guilt and swearing that hed never build something so inadvertently dangerous ever again ... he still did it.

even then, drowning in guilt as he was, i just know he wouldve refused to acknowledge that he was personally affected by the tragedy. no, no, the aftons were more important. what time he didnt spend restoring fredbear or trying his best to keep their company afloat throughout all this was spent consoling william. no doubt there was some amount of vitriol projected at him from the grieving father — if he blamed himself solely because his suit was the one that ended evans life, theres no way william didnt do the same to some degree. even if it made no sense at all, it wasnt like much did at that time. william was intent upon pointing fingers anywhere he could, first at michael and then at henry and then likely even at his own wife for not stopping it. that was just how he worked, how he processed his grief. everyone was at fault but himself. it wasnt targeted — henry just happened to be there to stick the blame on.

even if henry knew that, he would still end up internalizing the blame, i know he would — he would just take it as confirmation that the weird guilt he held, stemming from the strange attachment he held to fredbear, the entanglement of identities, was deserved. he and michael arent all that different in their responses to the bite, in that aspect, in the way the guilt eats them alive. god knows he would try to comfort the boy, if he could — if michael would let him, if william didnt see it as such a betrayal.

just . thinking about henrys reaction to the whole ordeal is so interesting to me . a tragedy he held no fault in, and yet he carries the weight of it in its entirety on his shoulders. deep-seated trauma that likely wouldntve hit him so hard if it werent for his constant need to take responsibility, to fix everything on his own. the loss that began the process of chipping away what few positive relationships he had left, yet he still somehow refuses to acknowledge that he has any right to mourn. evan wasnt his, after all. william clearly missed him more, right? william just lost his son. clearly that meant he needed to be henrys first and only priority, here. clearly henry didnt deserve any space to grieve.

[cyb-organ]

masterpost of all my favourite yabusame interactions/moments because im autistic about them

spoilers for. everything.

also. none of this makes any sense my wording is HORRIFIC and my grammar is worse. english is my first language im just insane

anyways enjoy my incoherant ramblings

okay this one is obvious i think. the the the THEY were the sisters quarreling (or. whatever. gender) alice saw him and reko IN sara and kanna and he just wanted them to reconcile. so he tells them, to reconcile if only in appearance because because he wants to reconcile with reko, but. but he cant. not really. alice and kannas dynamic especially in chapter 3 is SO interesting w his "i cant vote for anyones little sister" and his augh. hes just. theyre just. hm.

more under cut ^^

this i think about all the time. in chapter 2 alice tells sara that he cant play any instruments (vv)

which is just obviously a lie. well, not really because he WAS the bands drummer and he. Cannot play the drums. but thats it!!! the band was his and rekos. Thing. when they were kids. it was their (well moreso rekos) dream (it was mainly alices dream to just. be with reko. the band thing was a side of that) and he TAUGHT her how to play the piano. that was HIM. but shes so much better than him? and he watches her improve to more than he could ever do and watches her. i guess just move past from him. their entire relationship is just full of . time moving too quickly. something something slipping through my fingers?? does that song fit here?? whatever. theyre like that "ships passing in the night" thing. except they. came from the same dock. does that metaphor work? whatever!!!!!! but alice teaching reko how to play the piano always makes me so upset because he CAN play intruments. he plays the PIANO. but he doesnt, in samurai yaiba he plays the drums. and does stage managing. two things that are. ig further to the back?? the drummer is usually at the back of the stage, he is literally staying out of rekos way. and the hanging out in the background is shown in the yaiba cg as well

okay on to the next screenshot

THE BONGOS oh my god. the bongos are, obviously, so much more than just an instrument. they ARE their relationship, and the progression of the bongo. Symbol? i guess? is like. a direct parallel to the progression of their relationship. alices minisode, reko MAKES THEM HERSELF and is very happy and excited to show alice, but she still thinks something is missing. and then when it rains, she thinks its SO MUCH BETTER but alice cant notice a difference, he doesnt think its anything special. reko obviously really cares about alice and SHOWS it here, despite in the future when shes all. edgy and whatever. but alice is. hm. idk i dont wanna say indifferent because he obviously does care about reko alot. but i would say he doesnt quite understand the importance of music to her? like the bongos here i would say both symbolise rekos relationship w alice AND her relationship with music. and then when they get thrown in the bin, alice tells reko that theyre probably no where (again, not quite understanding the importance here). and if he goes back to find them and fix them up, he cant. this is very obviously the Moment where they i guess drift apart. alice comesback and rekos playing the piano without him (see above piano analysis) and yeah. flashforward to yaiba days. he gives her the bongos AGAIN and she almost throws them out (like they were when they were kids). but she cant. she keeps them and treasures them ESPECIALLY after alice's arrest. as alice says, shes indifferent about them in the same way shes indifferent about alice. but shes not. not really. as she says, they are precious bongos like none other in the world (something something, "i know theres better brothers but youre the only one thats mine" brother by murder by death) she just never expressed this. she just kept them for some inexplicable reason. it was just.. a feeling. and then after alice's arrest and she changed and developed into a much more caring person she played the bongos in her new band. DRUMS. alice was the drummer. reko is still like a frontman(or whatever. gender.) but she is also a drummer. alice was the drummer and the opposite of a frontman. she is. hm. not trying to REPLACE him but yk. i am horrific at wording things bear with me here (bare? whatever. just hang on) and then flashforward AGAIN to bongo scene in chapter 2 (i love the bongo scene) where reko smashes (THROWS AWAY) the bongos (AGAIN) and this is the reko that alice knows. this is the reko that he GAVE the bongos to in the first place. and that reko is the one who is indifferent, actually. that reko is the one who HATES him. our reko, the real reko, is stronger than that. but alice doesnt know that. he barely knows the real reko because the "real reko" as we know her was. born??? created??? developed??? after alices arrest. he only knows mean harsh reko. which is why hes so ADAMENT that the fake reko was the real reko when nao (who had known her for less than a week) knew something was off immediately. i think ive gone off track. anyways. bongos are them. when reko says that her bongos are "just ordinary" but "like none other in the world" i feel like that directly mirrors alice calling himself just her deadbeat brother. HE is "just ordinary" but "like none other in the world" (SOMETHING SOMETHING. "I KNOW THERE'S BETTER BROTHERS BUT YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE THATS MINE" BROTHER. MURDER BY DEATH.) reko does care about alice, but alice didnt quite know that until it was too late. eughhhhhhhh tragedy

yttd discord server has seen this already but im bringingit back. hinako here is just everything that alice was (or was pretending to be) when he was first introduced, like when he was like "hmph... i am not going to help you worthless mortals..." or fucking whatever he was saying. she IS the like. emo edgy kind of mean villian ish (but also not really) figure that alice, or "gonbee" tried to make himself into in order to make himself into a stranger to reko. and now rekos gone and. well gonbee has been gone(bee) since chapter one(bee) (okay ill stop) and alice is. well hes alice again. and hes greiving and hes actually very close to alot of the cast now. and he sees who he tried to make himself in the form of. a Very Small girl and idk. literally i dont know how to word this. no clue what this means or implies. actually i do have a clue but i cannot bring it into words its literally right there in my brain but its on the top shelf and im not tall enough. alice is WATCHING who or what he was trying to be to distance himself from reko. and now hes physically distant from reko he is not that person anymore yk?? i feel like im repeating myself. whatever. we were ROBBED of more hinako alice interactions!!!!! they are character foils frfr. thank you

another yttd discord server moment. chapter 2, alice is watching reko sing from the doorframe. minisode he is watching her play piano (presumably) from the door frame (he had just gotten in so im assuming he was just in the door). hes always watching from a distance. from the doorframe. not actually properly entering. but just sort of hovering. something something "you were always so far away" brother by alice in chains, i am ILL!!! literally it doesnt MATTER how old they get, it doesnt MATTER how much time passes. their relationship stays the same. it stays distant. and it will continue to stay distant because they can NO LONGER BE CLOSE ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THEY CANT. god they are so tragic.

okay, maybe alice WASNT quite standing in the doorframe just sort of.. far away. but i think thematically the doorframe thing is very interesting and also what i picture everytime i replay these moments

stronghold banger. literally idk what i can say about this one. its. its right there. alice is next to a prodigy like reko and hes losing sight of who he is. hes not a musical guy, like he can play the piano !! he likes music!! but talent wise, especially compared to reko, hes just not quite up there. especially not up there enough to be in a band but he cares about reko so he started the band with her. he PROMISED to start a band with her. he planned out his dreams and his future based off of reko because she was the most important person in his life, shown when reko asks what his dream is and he says "well its the same as yours" or something like that. and then when he does the "you and i are different" moment, reko says "did you forget? (your promise)". to her they are the same. their dreams are the same. but they arent, not really. and this again. is the i guess breaking point? to their relationship? they were never the same, alice knows this. but he was still trying to be the same. aka: losing himself. okay i lied i did know what i can say about this one. also that is ALOT of personal interpretations i wont lie im blurring the line between headcanon and analysis here.

okay. reko as an older sister figure (not sure if this is the best screenshot example, but its the only one i had on hand). again. with the bongos, with the becoming a drummer. she is almost morphing into alice?? or not morphing. shes trying to be what alice couldnt be (due to him. being in jail) shes trying to be the older sibling, while alice changes into very very vaguely what reko was. she gets kinder after his arrest because she doesnt have that older sibling anymore so she. i guess BECOMES that older sibling. while alice in jail gets. well not MEANER, when hes trying to be gonbee hes obviously pretty mean. actually yeah based off of how he was in his minisode he does get meaner. they do a flip. they do a switchy switch. this is all very like simplified its so much more than them just becoming each other. they are adopting parts of each other's personality, intentionally or not , because yes obviously they grew up together so theyre going to have an influence on each other but also. they are growing. i guess. not together. 2 years of change without each other. and they come out on the other end as like frankenstein messes of each others personalities based off of purely their memories of each other. does this make sense?? am i making sense?? honestly im making this up as i go along.

i dont have the game screenshots for these so i stole them from the wiki. okay so genuinely i dont know what to say here its there. its right there. he idolised reko and looked up to her (despite her being younger. and also shorter) and. i will not lie to you. alot of this sounds very parasocial despite them actually being siblings. which i think is evident to how reko behaved when in samurai yaiba, like obviously she was very harsh on the band and was this sort of figurehead?? to them?? like in alices minisode stronghold and ursheen talk about her as if theyre like. fans of her. not just bandmates. dunno what to say about that shes just very. distant, yet again. the gap and distance between alice and reko is shown AGAIN and its shown through every single one of their interactions after the flashback in alices minisode. after that moment every one of their interactions is so awkward? i feel like im just repeating myself at this point. anyways.

alice puts reko up on this. perfect pedestal? to the point where he pushes her away because he doesnt want to hold her back. but like. SHE doesnt want that to happen. like yeah reko is kinda mean but their relationship being so strained is like. partly if not mostly alices doing, albeit unintentionally. while trying to make her happy by fading into the background he actually ended up making everything worse. (something something "but you knew from the start it was us didnt you, it just took me a while till i knew" mitski goodbye my danish sweetheart) (hmm atp maybe i should just share my yabusame playlist)

yet again i lied i did in fact know what to say about this

i dont even know how much of this is accurate and canon, and how much of it is my brain being abnormal. its a mess up there. but i love them, these are my analyses(analsysyses?? analysess?? fucking. those.) if these are wrong and out of character ... dont tell me because youll hurt my feelings (jokes obviously im open to different opinions) anyways have tiny them

thank you for reading if you made it this far i hope i didnt give you a headache

[hunniedmilk]

Thank you so much for your tags ;; it's been fucking forever a minute since I posted anything. so if you wish, this is absolutely a request for some word vomit. and if you don't want to get into it, it's a heartfelt 'ehehe the tags are very nice, thank you' to keep your ask box warm

walks in with a book with like fifteen different annotation stickies I’m so ready pls bear with me if I sound incoherent .. have no clue if this'll be a lot but i'm going 2 put read more just in case ╰(*´︶`*)╯♡

i could probably comment on literally every sentence like no exaggeration but i'm like containing the silliness as much as i can as to sound coherent so i just wanna point out small parts i really really like ^^

“Yet there’s a smile that glitters in the corner of his eyes, and as he steps down onto the pebbles he offers you a gloved hand.”

GHJHKL It just makes me explode ,,, I enjoy descriptions of understanding without a character having to verbally express it . It kills me every time regardless because it feels like you can understand the amount of trust between the two characters in the scene . Like in general , it could be an action that can appear like such a small , insignificant detail but you can tell that it means so much more than that and I just adore it so so much ???

“The butler simply… couldn’t let you go just yet. There’s a shimmer of gold in his eyes, a little greed shining through when he thinks of parting from your company.”

Bangs my head against the wall I ALWAYYYS REALLY LOVE IT WHEN PPL MAKE A SLIGHT REMARK ABOUT BARBATOS AND GREED IT’S JUST SOOOOO<333333 IT GETS ME SO EXCITED BECAUSE I START REMEMBERING LIKE THE SMALL REMARKS IN GAME ABOUT HIM RESTRAINING HIS GREED ETC AND HIS CHARACTER SONG . It’s just like so fun seeing different sides of characters expressed it’s just like AHHHH but I digress

The entire scene feels like it’s a moment that’s quiet and reserved away from other people but between the two characters it’s such a loud expression of emotions ,, especially because of Barbatos and how he is as a character too ?? ☆ｏ(＞＜；)○ 

I’m a bit new to the fandom so please bear with me a bit with explanations but I’ve read him as like a character that’s detached from personhood as a result of his profession and when there are moments when he clearly wants to pursue something he holds himself back from indulging into his greed but when it comes to MC he allows himself to finally take . To allow himself to enjoy their presence when they’re finally alone and able to …

SIDENOTE BUT ESPECIALLY SO BC OF HOOOW HARD THE OTHER CAST OF CHARACTERS GET SIDELINED HARD IN GENERAL SOMETIMES ,,, LIKE IN BARBS LATEST BIRTHDAY UR HOW DO U LITERALLY GET DOOMED BY THE NARRATIVE IN UR OWN DREAM.. BUT THAAAT’S LIKE AN ENTIRE RAMBLE I’VE HAD FOR A MINUTE AND THAT’S BESIDES THE POINT )))

“Of everyone, he knows keenly how precious your time is.”

Im literally vibrating off the walls rn I cant describe it any better than that and especially the next sentences that follow it ohhhg idk if it literally wasn’t late as hell rn I’d def just print this out n’ scribble a bunch of hearts on this like omg 

____

THE ENDING … I am literally pacing I don’t usually enjoy angst all that much and try to avoid it altogether but the way you wrote it I’m like a little crazy actually. like a little bit insane. A humans existence is such a fleeting moment to a demon and it’s like AAAA YOU JUST LIKE FEEL THE TENSION FROM THE PREVIOUS SCENES THEN THE WARMTH FROM THE ENDING IT’S JUST LIKE A BITTERSWEET ?? FEELING THAT MAKES IT SO ENJOYABLE AND IT’S SUCH AN INSTILLING FEELING THAT’S LIKE SOOOO BEAUTIFUL ?? HIM HOLDING THE AIR ??? I sound so insane I just really really get excited when I read that it’s such an infectious feeling but that’s what your writing feels like. I’m not the best at English so I’m hoping this comes off well enough but I feel like the idea of living on in another persons memory despite all the years to come, especially with a demons lifespan IT JUST FEELS SOOO /pos

This is going to sound absolutely cornball cheesy but ur writing style , and I haven’t checked out ur other works yet but , from this alone it reminds me of a nice sweet . Personally I’m thinking of a Mexican dessert as I’m Mexican myself and I enjoy food analogies as compliments but the way you describe your scenes feels like taking a bite out of a concha (insane person rambling but please stick with me) . it’s such a sweet feeling that like , you don’t really forget the first time you experience it ?? I know I’m def going to be giggling abt ur writing for like a fat week honestly . i could probably reread it more than I already have while typing this and still find things to comment on even if it's just a keysmash

idk idk just the way you present scenarios stick so nicely ? It’s just something so handcrafted with love that I can tell that you enjoy what u write ?? I don’t know :,)

IF LIKE ANY OF THIS DOESN’T RLLY SOUND RIGHT LIKE , CHARACTER DESCS ESP OF BARB ive been in this fandom for like not super long so im still info-diving rlly slowly and its so difficult </3 I get so nervous posting stuff but like I wanna get this out of my system SOO bad

Plus I don’t think I could type out any of the info I do know about him in an orderly way lol I’ve tried for months but it ends in so many side tangents in rambles bc I just like his character so much 

I just think he’s such an interesting character y’know ??? There’s so many ways people can interpret a character and when you see other peoples ideas and some of them just HIT like getting all giddy thinking wow this is so cool ,,, I have to eat what I’m reading because there are no words in my lexicon to verbally express how much I love this 

[radiantroope]

18. “Hey, are you still awake?” + 43. “Don’t go on that date.” with JJ pls

18; “Hey, are you still awake?”

43; “Don’t go on that date.”

warnings: maybe a swear or two, possible grammatical errors

a/n: this turned out really long omg i’m sorry but i hope you like it

What was supposed to be a one night stand with a Touron had turned into casually hooking up over the course of the week. JJ despised the guy, Rory, already. He couldn’t help the anger that boiled in his stomach when he woke up and saw the two of you on the pullout couch. His gut twisted when he watched you kiss him goodbye in the morning only to see him again later that night. It’s been a week already, shouldn’t this kid be long gone? JJ thought you himself.

As luck would have it, Rory was in town for a whopping four weeks. The blonde Pogue didn’t know how much more he could take. He couldn’t continue laying awake at night, listening to squeak of the shitty make-shift bed or your poorly muffled moans. He was one more sleepless night from exploding on the both of you.

“You coming back to the house with us, Y/N?” Pope asked from across the table at The Wreck. John B. was hosting a small kickback with a few kids from the cut, just hanging out having some drinks.

Usually you were the first to jump on that idea but Rory had asked you on a real, proper date. He wanted to have a picnic on the beach and watch the sunrise. Unbelievably romantic and something you definitely weren’t used to.

JJ, who sat to your left, noticed your hesitation to the question. He was your best friend and had learned over time to pick up on your little tells. Like the way your knee was bouncing nervously under the table at that very moment. He raised an eyebrow when you glanced his way but couldn’t meet his eye.

“I-uh.. No, I actually have to wake up really early tomorrow,” you replied with a small smile.

“You? Waking up early? That’s funny,” John B. said through a laugh, earning a fry directly to the forehead at your hand. He playfully scowled at you and stuffed the fried potato in his mouth.

“I have a date, ding-dong,” you retorted and fiddled your thumbs together in your lap.

JJ’s heart dropped into his stomach. He locked eyes with Pope from across the table. The blonde’s jaw clenched and he shook his head as he averted his gaze to the table. It’s just a little fling, bro. It probably doesn’t mean anything. Pope’s words rang in JJ’s head. Well now this Touron was clearly more than a fling and he was after your heart. The same heart he’d been after for years.

John B., Sarah and Kiara extended their excitement for you, saying how happy they were that you were giving someone a chance. Much like JJ, you weren’t one for relationships. After your father left you and your mom when you were ten, you believed that’s what everyone would do eventually. Leave you. Some would call it commitment issues, but you couldn’t handle rejection. The idea of falling in love with someone and for them to wake up one day and leave you terrified you.

Something about Rory made you break down those walls, slowly but surely. He was so gentle and kind. He always checked up on you at parties or did the simplest things like hold the door for you. He wasn’t bad in the sack either and that was always a plus. He gave you a sense of security and intimacy that you’d been craving as much as you hated to admit it. Though, you were keeping it casual. You weren’t confessing your love for the kid, it was just a date.

You thanked the two of your friends but the silence from JJ threw you off. He was usually the first to make fun for you for going soft or tease you about doing something out of the ordinary for a guy. But he wasn’t even looking at you.

“JJ?”

The blue eyed boy grunted in response, keeping his eyes on the table. He had leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms over his chest. He still had more than half his dinner sitting in front of him, untouched.

“What’s wrong?” you frowned slightly and turned to face him.

“Nothing,” JJ’s reply was short and cold. You weren’t used to him talking to you in such a way.

“J-”

“I said nothing’s wrong, Y/N. Drop it,” he snapped, tone sharp and venomous. His gaze was hard and emotionless when he finally met your eyes.

Your mouth clamped shut as you stared at him and waited for him to apologize. When he remained silent and went back to staring at his food, you cleared your throat and stood from the table. You tried to will the stinging in your eyes away as you picked up your purse.

“Y/N...” Pope tried to stop you from leaving.

“Thanks for dinner Kie. I’ll catch you guys tomorrow,” you looked at everyone except the blonde Pogue.

John B. looked at you sadly but gave you a soft smile and a nod. Pope had his head in his hand as he shook it slightly. Kiara was glaring daggers at JJ as she kicked him from under the table. Sarah gave you a small wave and an apologetic smile. With that, you turned on your heels and left the restaurant, feeling like a weight was sitting on your chest.

-

JJ was borderline plastered as he stumbled through the backyard and into the empty chateau. He’d gone in to retrieve more beer from the fridge but when he saw a picture of you, hanging from the metal front by a magnet, he paused. He felt horrible for how harshly he’d spoken to you earlier in the day. He was drinking to try and distract himself from the fact you were going out with someone who wasn’t him. To numb the ache in his heart that he didn’t have you.

He fished his phone out of his pocket and found your contact with ease. ‘Hey, are you still awake?’ he sent the text without hesitation, surprised he didn’t misspell anything with his drunken state.

You debated ignoring the text. You were still upset with your best friend for being so rash. In the whole seven years you’d known him, JJ had never lashed out at you before. Though it was almost midnight and you were concerned something may have happened at the kickback. No matter how upset you were at your best friend, you’d always worry about him. So you sent back a simple ‘Yeah.’ in response.

The Maybank boy flopped on the couch, dialing your number and holding the phone to his ear. He leaned his head back and closed his eyes as he tried to stop the room from spinning.

“Hello?” JJ’s breath hitched when he heard your voice come through.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry for how I talked to you earlier,” his voice was strained and his words slurred together.

You sighed softly and sat down on the edge of your bed. You weren’t used to him getting this drunk. When he did it usually went he had too much on his mind and was trying to drown out those thoughts.

“JJ, it’s okay-”

“No, no it’s not. I was an as-asshole to you and I’m so sorry,” he cut you off, hiccups interrupting his words every so often.

“I forgive you, J. It’s fine,” you reassured him and stood up to slide your shoes on. Even though you were supposed to be up early, you wanted to make sure JJ was okay. You left your house quietly and started making the short walk to the chateau with your phone still pressed to your ear as your best friend rambled incoherently.

“I’ve been keeping a-a secret. I haven’t told anyone for yeeeaars.”

“You haven’t even told me?” you couldn’t help but smile at the small confession he was making.

“Nope.”

“C’mon, JJ, you gotta tell me now! We’re best friends!”

JJ went silent when you uttered the words best friends. He didn’t know how to respond. He opened his eyes and picked up his head, thinking of what to say next. As the chateau door opened and his eyes fell on you, he kept the phone pressed to ear and mumbled, “Dont go on that date.”

“What?” your brow furrowed as you stepped into n house and walked towards the couch.

You hung up the phone and stuffed it in your back pocket. JJ let his own slip from his hand and fall beside him. He stared up at you, azure irises glossing over. He was tired of hiding. He was tired of pretending he didn’t care about you as more than a friend. It was tearing him apart inside trying to keep it all in.

“I’m in love with you. I have been for God knows how long. I cant fucking stand seeing you with other people and wishing it was me,” JJ choked out as you slowly walked closer, finally moving to sit beside him. “So please, don’t go on that date if you feel the same way too.”

You were shocked as you stared into his watery eyes and saw no trace of dishonesty. He reached up to brush your hair of your face, letting his thumb trace your jawline. You reached up and cupped both of JJ’s cheeks, leaning forward and pressing your lips against his bruisingly hard. He wrapped you up in his arms, tears streaming from his closed eyes and wetting your cheeks as you let years of pining for one another pour out in the kiss.

[gotov-otvechat-blog]

So much more than ‘enough’

pairing: Peter x Reader

word count: 2,369

request: Can I request a peter parker x reader where the reader is having some personal weight issues (like being to big In their opinion) and they stop eating. And peter starts to take notice in the readers health? And peter gets upset? Just alot of angst…but I would love it if you’d write this! Thank you beautiful! 💖💘💕  @ nevaehsuga

warnings: this may have triggers, as the reader does not have a good body image. some angst. some bad writing and swearing this may be very cliche and i apologize, however this is for you lovely, :) enjoy

masterlist

It was another regular Monday, but you got a really cute shirt to go with your jeans over the weekend. As you put on your outfit you noticed one thing. Your jeans were too small for you. You were equally perplexed and shocked, as these were relatively new jeans that you got just a few months ago. This caused you to be worried on some extent, however you brushed it off, thinking maybe the jeans had shrunk in the wash or whatever.

Over the weeks you would notice how your things would become too small, and you had to buy new things that were a few sizes larger. You had always been quite slim your entire life so this change created quite an anxiety for you, making you more and more self-conscious by the day.

Just walking down the corridor with your boyfriend, Peter Parker, and you felt so much larger, compared to all the other slim girls in your grade. You are so fat compared to them, you thought, this is probably why Peter was getting busier and rarely comes over to see you. There are so many girls prettier than you, skinnier, smarter.

Your own mind was beating you down; you had to do something.

Your mom usually worked early shifts at the hospital, so it wasn’t hard to skip breakfast. You still ate just a little bit of lunch, so that Peter and Ned didn’t notice what you were doing. You skipped dinners, telling your mom that you already ate earlier before she came home from work. She didn’t at all find that strange, as she occasionally also took the night shift too; extra money couldn’t hurt anyone could it?

You were starving but you were still losing weight, so the thought of becoming the weight you were before outmatched the grumbling of your stomach. Now slowly you were losing a few pounds. At first it was a week, now it was two. At least you could fit back into some of your old clothes. You know it wasn’t good to do this for a long time, but a couple of weeks couldn’t hurt, right? Besides you ate a banana every time you were too tired or hungry, so you still were kind of eating.

One evening May had invited you to dinner, and you couldn’t say no as you were studying with Peter for English, because Peter sucked at it and he also had an test two days later while English was a subject you practically had superpowers in (you were a book nerd). May invited you to your favorite restaurant, as we all know May cant cook, and after not eating for so long you were practically carving something to eat.

“So how are things, Y/N? Peter has been quite busy with the Stark Internship, so guys didn’t have much time to hang out,” May asked you, curious to know about how you’ve been.

“I’m good, quite busy with my Art project actually,” you said, your stomach churning by the second you put food in your stomach. “How have you been May? Peter not too much trouble?” you teased, trying to cover up that you might throw up any moment.

“Well he’s a teenage boy so there goes that, but overall things are great, I had a change in my shift so I don’t have to get up so early in the morning now.”

“-Sorry, would you excuse me for a moment please.” You rushed out to the bathroom. Holding y with one hand and your other hand around your stomach you retched everything that went into your stomach out. You felt even worse than you had before. Your stomach was empty, there was a tear running down your cheek, and a volatile taste of vomit lingered in your mouth. You stood up on shaking legs, fatigue and sweat overwhelming your body. The cool water soothed you a bit as you washed your face. Taking a deep breath you calmed yourself down, put on a bit of makeup that you had before so that nothing would be different. This is for the better, you thought, I’ll be skinnier and prettier, so Peter won’t be ashamed to call me his girlfriend. You gave yourself a weak smile in the mirror, as a few sharp nocks rang out from the door.

“Hey, sweetheart, is everything okay?” Peter’s concerned voice woken you back to reality as you replied back to him.

“Yeah, everything’s okay, don’t worry Peter, I’ll be right out.”

A week later on a Friday afternoon, you, Peter and Ned had a movie marathon night, during which May cooked a dinner that ultimately went to trash, not surprising anyone.

You guys ordered pizza, which you didn’t eat, saying that you had a full lunch. Ned shrugged but still gave you an absurd look, knowing that you probably loved pizza more than life. However Peter gave you a longer, lingering questioning look, which made you squirm just a little. Nevertheless this was soon forgotten after the movie started.

Peter opened his arms, and you crawled into them with a moment of hesitation, a toxic thought of if Peter thought that you were too fat or heavy. You lay in front of him with his arm under your neck playing with your hand and the other was softly brushing through your hair. Peter’s smell overwhelmed you and the soothing movements of your hand were lulling you to sleep.

You snoozed, and when you woke up the next movie was already playing, Ned wasn’t there-presumably went home as he had a curfew. You really needed the bathroom, so you stood up as carefully as you could without bothering Peter. As you started walking you abruptly became dizzy, your head spinning, and your stomach now throbbing fervently. Your legs became weak, and your vision blurred. Your knees gave out and you fell to the ground with a thud, startling Peter into awareness.

“Y/N? No, no no,” Peter called out as he ran over to you, “hey, Y/N look at me, wake up.”

You gave out no response, fear seeping into Peter as he carried you to his bed.

“What happening to you? Why won’t you talk to me?” Peter muttered to you, stroking your hair.

You groaned as you were gaining consciousness. You had fainted before, but never in front of anyone, nor did you hit your head hard enough to crack it before.

“Y/N?”

“Where am I?” you moaned, reaching with your hand to touch your head where you hit it. You were lying down in bed that had an unknown smell to you, but it felt like home. Your head and neck were propped up with two pillows and under you was a soft blanket in red and blue patterns. In front of you was sitting a handsome cute looking guy, who had a very fearful look on his face. His hair was in soft curls, and was sticking up a bit as if he had run his hands through in a few times in agitation. His eyes were a soft honey brown color, kind and warm, the kind that would make your heart melt. Whatever the case was, you did not understand why you were in strange bed, with a boy before you and a throbbing skull.

“Hey, we were having movie night remember? With Ned? May made inconsumable dinner that went to trash so we ordered your favorite pizza, remember? You fell asleep on me,” Peter rambled on, his large soft brown eyes agitatedly searching yours.

You couldn’t remember anything at all. Not the school you went to, not what your best friend looked like, but worst of all you didn’t remember who the beautiful boy fretting about you was. And it made your heart ache, even though you had though no idea why.

Staring at him blankly, you could see his heart break, feeling his pain as a tear strolled down his face. All you wanted was to take his pain away.

“What did you do to yourself?” he muttered to himself, his hand still stroking your cheek. Your mind didn’t remember him, but your heart did, and so it longed to be in his arms, and it kind of scared you.

“Do you remember your name?” he queried gently.

“Yes.”

Your voice was quiet, almost incoherent.

“Do you remember what you like to drink in the mornings, what your favorite song was and why it was your favorite? Or what you loved to do to embarrass me, or what you would do when you thought Ned and I were being stupid?” His voice was on the verge of agony, pain seeping through any movement he made.

However your blank stare seemed to kill him a little bit more, if that were possible

“Do you remember me?” the words came out as a croak, but his voice was beginning to come back to you.

You stared at him for a bit, watching another tear slip down his face at your silence, feeling your heart rupture once again for reasons unknown to you.

“P-Peter?”

He let out a large sigh of relieve, clutching your hand in his as he kissed your knuckles.

“What happened to you? What did you do to yourself?” His voice was desperate for answers, so much that you could still see how much he needed an explanation.

“It was nothing I just slipped and hit my head, so I passed out.” Your voice was so weak that you couldn’t believe yourself.

“Please don’t lie to me. You stopped eating lunch, you just pushed it round your plate. You couldn’t keep your dinner down when we went out to eat, and I thought that maybe you felt sick so then I would have taken you home and stayed with you, but you came out of the bathroom saying you were fine, while your legs were shaking and you were paler than snow. And today we ordered your favorite pizza and you didn’t even have a single slice, when normally you would eat the entire thing by yourself and would fight anyone if they tried to steal some. Now you can’t even stand. Please don’t lie to me sweetheart. Please.” The anguish in his voice now completely destroyed you. It made your heart stop at how much hurt you caused him.

“I stopped eating, because I gained weight and the more I saw those prettier girls in our grade, the more I thought I wasn’t good enough. I thought I was fat and ugly and just too big. You rarely ever spend time with me anymore, and we never go on dates, and it thought it was me and maybe you would prefer someone prettier and skinnier and smarter than me, like Liz and-“ your rambling was cut off by a slightly pissed off Peter.

“I thought you knew but now I know you don’t. Listen to me. There is no one else that I would want. You are stunning, and you aren’t just good enough. You are the best. You are so much more than ‘enough’. You are the most beautiful girl I have laid eyes on, yes. But I didn’t fall in love with you because you were beautiful. I fell in love you because you are kind, smart, headstrong, and because you were there for anyone who needed you. I fell in love with the girl who would buy a cup of tea and a cookie for the homeless man playing a trombone, because you thought no one deserved to live on the streets with no one with them, even though that meant you had to walk home because that money was your way home. I fell in love with the girl who would sit with new kid just because you didn’t want them sitting alone. You are gorgeous on the outside, but you are absolutely and completely disarming and bewitching on the inside.” His eyes were fierce, showing just how important it was for him that you understood him. They were also radiating affection and love.

“But-“

“No buts. I love you just how you are. To me, you are flawless.”

Your eyes widened as you registered what he said to you.

“You love me?”

“With every thing I have.”

Tears leaked from your eyes, as you still couldn’t believe what he said to you.

Peter softly wiped them away with his thumbs before kissing you on your forehead, both cheeks, and finally his lips landed on yours in a soft chaste loving kiss.

“Now that you know, lets go downstairs and feed you with some soup and nurse you back to health.” There was still pain in his eyes as he asked you one more question.

“How long?”

You cast your eyes down not wanting to look in his eyes as you answered his question.

“Three weeks.”

He let out a breath.

“Promise me. Promise me that you will never do something like this ever again. Promise me that you wont harm yourself on purpose again. It hurts me that you would ever do something like that. Promise me that you will never change for someone else’s benefit.”

“I promise.”

“Thank you,” Peter breathed out, relieved.

With an arm around you, Peter tried helped you stand up, however you were too weak, and stumbled.

“Fuck it.” Before you could ask, you let out a small shriek as Peter hoisted you up in his arms, and carried you to the living room bridal style.

“Besides, you’re not ‘big’ or ‘fat’ Y/N. When things get heated they expand, and so you are hot. Incredibly hot,” Peter murmured.

“That was so awful, Parker,” you giggled into his neck.

“I made you laugh,” you could hear the smile in his voice.

“Also you are very comfortable to cuddle with. Can you imagine trying to cuddle with those skinny girls? It’ll be like trying to sleep on Mount Everest. Hard and rocky and cold.”

You giggled once again as he set you down on the sofa. Something wasn’t right. How could your skinny lanky Peter be able to carry you with not so much as a grunt?

“Peter.”

“Yeah”

“How are you so strong?”

“shit.”

[saltynemo]

Sleep

(Drabble 5)

WHaTADO Everybody its your boi Nemo back at it again with another fanfiction! I'm sorry I haven't been active lately. Its been busy and I have a project due on the 12th that I haven't even started yet so yay :) Btw, I made the character Josh since I think yall want a Josh smut anyway soooo Anyway enjoy.

Summery: Y/n comes home to find Joshua asleep in his room, making a very sexual idea come in her mind ;)

Type: Smut

Warnings: Getting off while sleeping, Glimpse of dom!Josh, ummm, lots of oral, hair pulling, that's really it

Requested?: No not really

Word Count: 1.8k (1,897 words)

So without further a do, P-P-P-PLAY IT:

"Im home!" I yell, closing the door behind me with a click. No response. "Josh?" I call out again, waiting for his soft voice. Silence again. Weird..he usually lets me know hes home with a shout from the top of the steps or something. I didnt get a text from him so he must be home.

I drop all my stuff, my mind racing. Me knowing Josh's severe anxiety (that lead to somewhat symptoms of depression), my brain started thinking of possibilities for what he could be doing.

I race towards the stairs, quickly ascending to the 2nd floor. I sharply turn a corner, finding him in his room. I open the door without a noise, searching around the area for signs of distress. I find him on his bed, sleeping on his back with his legs crossed. His arms were resting on his stomach, going up and down each time he inhaled and exhaled. I sighed in relief, letting all my worries drain from my head. I lean against the entrance, eyeing out the boy. He looked so peaceful when he was sleeping...im such a creep. I giggle quietly, finding it rare for Josh to be asleep in the middle of the day. As my eyes trail from his facial features to his torso, something catches my eye.

I pear down at his crotch, noticing a faint bulge. My eyes opened wide from shock, watching the lump grow by the second. A small moan escapes his throat. I bite my lip, an idea forming in my brain.

I slowly start to take off my shoes, nudging them to the side of the wall. Ive dreamed of this day to come. The day I really make a move on Josh Dun.

I tip toe my way into his room, making sure nothing would creak. I see him shift in his bed, making his legs spread out a little bit. His arms fell to his sides. I smirked, wondering what he was dreaming about. I slowly start to take off my shirt, glancing once or twice at him to make sure he was not waking up. I throw the garment off to the side, watching the piece of clothing fall dramatically onto the floor. My mind made the fall sound like it was a shotgun blast, making my body stop all together, standing silently.

I waited for a moment until I was sure I could continue my movements. I started to unbutton my jeans, fumbling with the button multiple times. I kept glancing up to him, thinking I was making noise with the zipper and metal circle. I finally succeed my mission and gently take off my jeans, taking out each foot with such precaution; I also throw the material the same way I did why my shirt.

I place my hands on the side of the bed, softly pressing down on the fluff to see how much weight it can hold before it caves in. I slowly start to climb um onto the bed, hesitating slightly. Josh shifts his head to the side, opposite from me. I pear down onto his crotch, my mouth watering at the tent in his shorts. I continue my journey across the king sized bed, making my movements every so slowly.

I reach my destination, kneeling down further so my mouth was pretty much on his thigh. He motions a little bit, letting a slight groan fall from his cracked lips. I fluttered my eyes closed, hearing the sound come out from his mouth sound heavenly. I take no tease in my part and steadily start to pull down his basketball shorts, biting my lip to keep myself from whimpering. I see his hips shift upwards, making me think twice if hes sleeping or not. Hes probably just having a sex dream...

It felt like forever until his bottoms were on the floor, leaving him only in his underwear. The bulge in his garment was twitching every so slightly, nearly making me moan right then and there. I gently start to palm him through his boxers, hearing quiet moans pour out from his plump lips. I decide that his underwear would look better on the floor; I also start to pull those off of him. He shifted in his bed, making my motions stop all together. The waste-band of his boxers were pressing down on the middle of his shaft, making my heart beat in my core. Cant I just fuck him already! God damn, I cant take this anymore.

I slowly start to move the garment again, making his dick become more apparent to me. Suddenly, it springs up from the piece of clothing, greeting me with a wet tip. I licked my lips slightly, feeling myself get excited already. He must sure be having a kinky dream if he’s already leaking precum. I continue the long journey of his underwear until it was down to his ankles, swiftly taking them off and throwing them onto the floor. I look back up to his cock, finally getting a chance to see how big he really is. Fuck, he’s bigger than I imagined.

I bring a shaky hand to the base of his dick, feeling the texture of the skin. He lets out a soft moan, mumbling something incoherent. I start to pump his shaft steadily, making sure I didnt wake him up too early. I feel his cock harden against my hand, marble forming between my fingers. I licked my lips, preparing myself to give him head.

I licked the base of his dick, slowly rising my tongue till I was at his tip. I bring my wet flesh around his throbbing cock, slowly opening my mouth and easing myself onto him. I grip the base of his sword with one hand, making sure his shaft would stay still. I hear him moan 'Fuck' quietly, making me lose most of my control. I start bobbing my head at a reasonable pace, stroking what I didnt have in my mouth. I quickly start to notice hes waking up, which only fuels my fire. 

"Y-Y/n?" He groans, slowly starting to sit up. I giggle darkly, removing my mouth from his dick. I show a smirk through my eyes, continuing to pump him. He blinks a couple of times before he comprehends what was going on. His eyes open widely in shock. "Y/n! Oh shit, what are y-you" He starts to ramble, but was cut off with a moan. He tilted his head back, letting his eyes flutter close. I smirk, proud of the affect I have on him. "I-I thought you were w-working late tonight" He stammers, overwhelmed by the sudden pleasure he was receiving after his nap. My mouth disconnects from his cock, leaving a slight string of saliva behind. "My boss told me I was working hard enough and told me to come home" I say, gently pressing my lips to the tip of his dick. "Now I get to work on something harder" I say, poking out my tongue and licking a vein on his shaft.

He groans, followed by a whimper. "I cant believe you..." He tries to speak, but his moans keep interrupting. "You got me off in my sleep" He whimpered, his mouth agape and panting. I giggle, wrapping my lips around the side of his shaft, grazing my canines across the skin. He grunts at the sting, snaking a hand into my hair. "I don’t like your behavior" He speaks in a dark tone, twirling my curls with his fingers. He stares back darkly, squinting to see if I was serious with my playfulness. I smirk, finding his new facade to be a lot more dominating. "Do something about it then" I say with a confident tone. He shakes his head in disappointment, raising his other hand into my hair.

Both of his hands guided my head to his tip, forcing my mouth to hug it warmly. I obey his commands and start to bob my head, except he tightens the grip on my hair. I stop my motions, noticing I'm not in control anymore. He tells me to relax my jaw and that he’s gonna 'fuck my pretty mouth'. I moan at his words and carry out his order.

He slowly starts to thrust his hips up into my mouth, inching closer and closer to my throat. I choke a bit, making him chuckle darkly in power. I felt his eyes gaze upon me, studying my teary eyed face. "You look so pretty like this.." He groans, quickening his pace. "I wish I could have fucked your mouth sooner" He says, licking his plump lips. I moan at his words, sending vibrations from my mouth to his already close cock. I heard him groan from satisfactory, throwing his head back.

The sounds of choking and panting fill the room. Josh's moans and groans become more quick and loud as he continues to piston in and out of my mouth. The little sounds he made here and there spoke 3 words: He was close.

"Your mouth feels so good, fuck, Im so close" He whimpers, arching his back slightly. I felt his tip graze the back of my throat multiple times, making me hum to get him to his orgasm quicker. "F-fuckk! Keep doing that, Y/n" He moans, followed with a strangled groan. I struggled to breathe, taking in any oxygen I could between his thrusts. "Only a little bit more, baby" He quickens his pace, studying my wrecked facial features.

I give the last of my voice with a powerful hum, making him teeter over the edge. With an 'Oh Fuck', paired with a strangled moan, he spilt into my mouth, holding my head down in place at the base of his dick. I was able to take in air through my nose, but barely from how close I was to his pubic bone. I felt his warm liquid shoot down my throat, forcing my to choke and gag. I swallowed the best I could, feeling some of his cum drip out of my mouth and onto his flushed skin.

After a while, I started to gently tap on his thigh, letting him know I seriously could not breathe. "Oh-sorry" He chuckles, letting go of my head. I sit up and take in as much oxygen as I could get, panting while giggling. He leans his head back, his breathing still ragged and heavy.

I throw all my weight next to him, laying down with him. I lean my head on his shoulder, twisting his shirt's fabric between my fingers. "You tired me out, girl" He says, finally breaking the silence. We both share a laugh, accepting that it was true. "But not enough to make me not want you more" He adds, smirking slightly. I decide to play along with his 'game', "Oh really? What do you wanna do to me?" I ask, acting like I was so oblivious to what he was thinking. "Close the door and you’ll find out" He says, turning his body so he was facing me. I giggle and cup his face with my palm, bringing him in for our first kiss.

Lets just say after the kiss, we had lots and lots of more fun with lots of more body parts. Each round was more fun then the last...

(Ok yay finished after like 5 days wOw. So the reason I'm not really working on Break the Silence a lot anymore is because for me its hard to write total vanilla lol. I get too kinky with my stories and Its hard for the Mute fanfic to be completely soft and cuddly. So I apologize when I post it and it wasn't to your expectations)