#this quote probably works a little better in step 3 but i don't have those sprites so maybe I'll redo this when i do

[disaster-magician]

Looks like you found one of those golden retriever girls! Good luck with that, Tamarack

(Fake screenshots! These are fan made based on incorrect quotes and not in the game)

[simpfor501]

You're My Pick Me Up

Wreaker x reader

Reader (afab) is now on the Havoc Marauder. Living with 4 advanced clones, and being a field medic can be stressful and smelly but a gentle giant may help them power through

Words: 1.4kish?

WARNINGS: Drinking, drunkenness, acting like an idiot while drunk, loud clubs, gagging, vomiting

Chapter 2 1, ♡, 3,

Hunter clapped you on the shoulder as you stood next to the ship, “Welcome aboard, Ma’am”

“Oh please Hunter, (y/n) is fine.” You waved off his formality, “You’re stuck with me. So let’s not make it stuffy.” He smirked and moved to the side,

“I’ll take those in, We have an extra set of bunks, one of them has their own small ‘room’” He used his finger as air quotes when saying “room” You knew it wasn’t going to be all that private,

“I brought something for that already.” You had been on the Havoc Marauder a few times before. You know that the extra bunks had an almost perfect view to the cockpit door and if standing in the cockpit you could see the little indent where the bunks were. You packed a sheet to hang up, you needed privacy sometimes with them. Hunter nodded, he stepped away to pull your things on board, Tech waved, not bothering to look up from his Holopad. "Where's Cross?" You asked as you stepped through onto the ship. 

"In his bunk," Hunter said nodding his head to Crosshair and Wrecker's shared bunk, "That hit did a number on him." You lightened your steps as you toed past his range of hearing. Hunter paused just outside of your area. One set of bunks were set in the wall on the left side, back wall infront of you had shelves and drawers build in for storages and the other wall wad blank, ready for personality. 

"Thank you, Hunter."

"I'll let you settle in," he started to walk away before turning back, "Oh, we're going to stop at the 79's later if you'd like to join? Well, us minus Cross, Doctor's orders." He leaned against the wall. You smiled,

"Of course. I'd love to." Hunter nodded,

"I'll leave you to it then." He walked off. Your first order of business was to set up the sheet. It was a simple grey, GAR administered blanket that you barely touched you entire time with the army. Next was your bed. You ripped off the scratchy and uncomfortable bedding and stared to change it out with your own bedding. Sheets you had bought out on the town, surprisingly you had the same size bed as the clones bunks, just a larger room. As you started to make your bed a cough came from the other side of the sheet. Followed by an unsure "knock knock"

"Come in Wrecker." He lifted the sheet, he was taller than how high you put it up, but he still shrunk himself down to not peek in, "you can raise it up if you want. If your nervous about seeing in accidently" you offered he nodded and quickly tired to move it up. It was hard for him, only having one arm and all but after a minute or two he did it. The top reached above his head and the sheet now tickled the floor rather than pooling on it like before.

"Better?" He asked,

"Much. Thank you Wreck." His smile grew.

"Wrecker. Hunter needs us, were meeting in front of Crosshairs bunk." Tech stated from the other side of the sheet. 

"Coming." You both said at the same time. Wrecker moved the sheet and waved you through. You smiled and stepped past him and into the main part of the ship. It was a quick walk over to the other bunks. And there was Crosshair, top bunk, rolled over to face the rest of us. 

"Game plan. We have tonight off. 79's. But General Skywalker needs us for a mission in the morning, don't go too hard. (y/n) how well will Cross be for the mission?"

"Oh! Uhm. It was only a minor injury. He should be fine if he takes it relatively easy for the next 10 to 15 hours. Just in time for the mission." You stated, remembering his log.

"Fine. Don't have too much fun with out me." He grumbled. The brothers nodded, Hunter was the first to leave. Walking back to the cockpit. Tech was next, probably to work on fixing anything that needed his eyes. Wrecker sat his bunk,

"Uh. I'll, uh, let you get back to what you were doing." He stuttered. You thanked him and quickly skipped back to your little cave. You pulled out your clothes and quickly orginized them in your shelves, shirts and pants on the top, uniforms below them, underwear and socks in one of the drawers toiletries next to your uniform (you didn’t have a beside table or anything so you had to make do), and shoes on the floor. This was clearly for a technician or medic to live in as there wasn’t space for a trooper’s case or equipment. You finished with a ton of time to spare so you took to climbing up to your bunk and watching trashy reality programs on the holonet.  After your third or fourth program, you brain was properly melted, when a gentle knock came from the other side of the sheet,

“(y/n)?” Hunter’s voice asked, “Are you ready to go?” Shit. It was time to go already? You looked down, you were still in your uniform. You weren’t gross, you didn’t smell bad but you diffefnly didn’t want to go out clubbing in your uniform. You slithered out of your bunk, still groggy and tired. You tossed your holopad on the free bunk and pulled out a pair of white boot cut jeans, blue platforms and a matching crop top. Simple, sleak, fun, perfect. You pulled your hair away from your face and threw on some delicate make-up, just to cover some redness, make your eyelashes longer and define your face. You rushed out, grabbing the other things you’s need. Hunter, Tech, and Wrecker were all waiting outside. Crosshair was still laying down. 

“Took you long enough.” Tech looked you up and down,

“Sorry. I fell asleep.” you laughed a bit, Hunter raised his hand to stop Tech’s next thoughts.

“I’m glad you can still join us.”

“Thank you, Hunter.” Wrecker stayed silent. You looked perfect to him. Everything about you was angelic. You’re hair, face, eyes, smile, lips, “Wrecker?” those lips. He shook his head to snap back to reality,

“Wrecker? Are you ready?” You asked again. He nodded quickly, his face bright red.

“Sorry. I was daydreaming.” 

“Well get back down here, we’ve got a club to go to!” You pulled him along, Hunter and Tech had already started walking down the street to the 79’s. He quickly struck up a conversation,

“How are you settling in?”

“Good! It’s a bit tight but it was worse when I was in combat training.” Wrecker blinked,

“Combat?”

“Yeah, all medics have to go through on field training. This includes combat. We had to carry guns. Half of us pretended to be troopers the other half had to go into ‘active fire’ to save them. We used decommissioned Repubic droids to simulate the clankers. I haven’t been on the field in a few years now.” You smield sadly, remembering your training.

“Do you miss it?”

“Training?”

“Being on the field.” He clarified as he opened the door for you. The bouncer nodded to him, and looked you up and down, Wrecker gave him a look. The bouncer quickly averted his eyes, but you didn’t really notice. You were too busy looking for Tech and Hunter through the blaring blue and pink lights and the clubbing music. They had found a booth on the other side of the bar, and two women had found them first. You frowned, you had no intention of trying to pry horny women off your boys,

“What’s wrong?” Wrecker asked. You gestured to the table, “Oh.” He nodded, “Do you want to find a different booth?” he asked

“No. Let’s just pretend they don’t exist. If they keep bothering me though I may have to be carried back to the ship.” you grumbled. Wrecker stayed silent as you grabbed his hand and walked over to the guys. As soon as you go to the table a voice called out for you,

“(y/n)!” You let go of Wrecker’s hand, there was Kix and another ARC trooper behind you.

“Boys! Hi! You hugged them both, “I thought you had a briefing tonight?”

“The Captain does.” the arc trooper smirked down at you, “The entirety of 501st ARCs are here if you wanna sit with us?” You chuckled at his offer.

“That’s very kind. But I have a new crew I want to be with for a bit. Maybe later.” You nodded your head toward Clone force 99. The two other women stared at you, shocked that you of all people got to be around these men 24/7 and that they knew you by name. 

Wrecker was sitting by the time you turned around again. His arms were crossed and his gaze was directed to the dance floor, "first round on me?" You asked him. The girls cheered as their drinks arrived. Wrecker ignored you, "Come on Wreck. What do you want? On me!" He shrugged, you pulled the waitress aside. You handed her some credits and said, "two shots please." She nodded and walked off her hips swaying as she did.

After a while the shots came back. You handed one of the brightly colored drinks. He didn't look at you. You frowned. Downed your shot. And walked to the other side of the room and took a seat next to the newest 501st ARC troopers. After a few minutes, and more than a few drinks you were dragged onto the floor by a Reg that was flirting with you since you sat with the 501st. 

The music was loud, and is made the alcohol in your blood simmer. You felt electric, especially while you were pressed against the trooper. His hands trailed down your sides, yours stayed around his neck. You were there, and you could feel other troopers and their dance mates bump up against you. 

Suddenly. A tight grip landed around your waist. You stopped, there was Wrecker, his arm looped around you. He pulled you away from your partner. You shrieked in annoyance. Pushing him away, who was he to get jealous after not talking to you. You stormed off, barely hearing his voice over the sound of the music and your own anger. 

You stumbled up to the bar and ordered another shot. You quickly downed it and asked for another. Wreckers voice came from behind you, 

"And water as well?"

"Shit Wrecker. I don't need to hang over my shoulder" you pushed him back before downing yet another shot. Your voice was starting to slur and you felt as if your body was on fire. He pushed the water towards you. 

"Please"

"No." You slurred at him. "Maker, Wrecker. First, you're all into me, flirting, being all sweet. But then you're ignoring me. And now you're trying to sober me up! Kriff off!" You yelled at him, "And it kriffing sucks because I can't even express how I feel about you!"

"What do you mean?" He sat at one of the empty bars stolls, his hand in yours, he lead you close to him. Maker even sitting he was huge.

"Maker, Wreck." You sighed. Tears started to cloud your vision and alcohol clouded your judgment. You pushed forward and smashed your lips against his. Anger took over as you pushed yourself into him. He melted in your touch however, he had wished for this. This moment, his first time kissing you. But you pushed him away and ran off. Tears ran down your cheeks as you fled back to the ship and stormed back onto it. Cross was up, looking and feeling better as he was drinking a cup off caf when he saw you come in.

"Maker. What happened to you?" He smirked. You sobbed and felt your stomach heave. You gagged and ran off into the refresher. Cross not to far behind with water. 

"Remind me to never let you try to out drink me" He was mocking you for being a light weight. But that wasn't it, you felt sick with regret and pure joy all at once.

"I kissed him" you sobbed into the toilet.

"What?" Cross asked

"I kissed him. You sobbed louder, "I kissed Wrecker. I broke a law. I'm going to jail. I kissed him. Kiff his stupid sexy face, his warm heart. And now I have to live with him" you felt more of the night jump to your throat and you turned back to the toilet.

"Damn, (y/n). You're in deep bantha shit now." He smirked at you. You glared back. 

"Look. Do you like Wrecker?" You nodded, the drunkest minds tell the most honest truths, "but you're regretting kissing him?"

"Non-clones aren't-"

"Thats a load of bantha crap." He rolled his eyes, "Half the women there flirting with us are non-clones hired in the GAR the other half work at the bar, the bar that is funded by the GAR." That didn't make tou feel any better. Crosshair sighed, "Just get ready for bed, and soon. Wrecker commed me that he's on his way back"

[fckumoffat]

After being in a LDR for 8 years (and finally managing to close the distance) I think it's safe to say that we've learned a few things.

I wanted to discuss those things because for the past 2 months I kept hearing that only by living with him I would *actually* know my partner.

I simply can not agree with that.

LDR doesn't work the same way as other relationships, and I think it's because of these 3 reasons:

1 - Communication

Probably the most important one and the foundation for the other two. And it couldn't be any different. LDR couples interact with each other most of the time only by communication. We show affection by communication, we show disappointed by communication, there's no other way to do it. So it is mandatory to learn HOW to do it. A dialogue must envolve active listening to your partners needs and feelings. It also depends on being open to discuss such feelings in the right way.

We never dismissed a problem and usually resolved it in the same day. If you keep "swallowing up frogs" for days or months, it's a matter of time before everything blows up and a huge fight originates from it, maybe one you can no longer solve.

Isn't better to deal with little problems day by day?

Obviously that's not an easy task. You must learn to recognize what really made you sad or angry in a situation and be able to discuss that through the lens of your feelings without putting the whole blame in a agressive way towards others. So, more of "I need to understand why am I feeling like this and put it into words" instead of "You did this to me".

Besides that, communication also is important for one to feel like they are a part of the other's life, even if it's just through a small detail like a good morning text. If you can make long calls, great! If you're too busy to do it, it takes a second to send a picture, an audio or an emoji throughout the day, and it makes all the difference. What matters is the intention behind it, to show that you care.

The point being - a LDR simply won't last if the people involved don't learn how to communicate.

2 - Trust

Being in constant communication was important for us to build our trust. I texted him whenever I went or left from college, and he did the same and so on. In the first year we even agreed that we would avoid college parties. If you think that's too much, you can make your own agreement, specially in the beginning. Just know that you can do what's best for you both without being afraid of judgments.

What's important is - you need to trust.

As a quote from my favourite movie says "When the love is for the highest bidder there can be no trust. Without trust, there is no love. Jealousy will drive you mad".

In other words, you must trust dispite the idea of "highest bidder" existing (aka someone who lives near), otherwise you will go mad (an by that I mean anxiety attacks). It's also one skill that either you have eventually or the relationship won't work. The other person isn't near you. As I was told too many times, you can't know -for sure- where they are all the time. You can't be reassured of their loyalty with a physical presence.

Either you trust or you don't.

What I noticed though is that there's no space for doubts in your mind if your partner truly likes to be open about their life and feelings for you, and if you both came into an agreement on what keeps you comfortable. And here we can see the importance of communication again.

After these steps, little by little those silly jealousy feelings will disappear. By year 3 I didn't feel any jealous or became angry when people told me "He is probably gonna find someone near him. You should too". Because I trusted him and what we had. Which leads to the final pillar.

3 - Choosing to love someone

What I mean is - By actively choosing to continue with a LDR everyday, considering all of the difficulties one has to face, it becomes a rotine for LDR couples to revaluate that same choice periodically. You are not just "going with the flow".

It takes effort, patience, time and money from boths sides to make it work. Not to mention that it's emotionally exhaustive to watch other couples do things that you can't, have do deal with people being negative about it and to see your meeting plans fail from time to time.

When putting all of this in a balance - the difficulties x what you like about someone - that leads to a rational choice of continuing with the relationship, to love another person and, most importantly, to love yourself from day 1.

It is usual for non-ldr couples to live in an almost symbiotic way and ignore their individuality completely. A LDR couple can't do that since our daily lives are obviously separated.

And that's the healthy way to live! You have to love yourself and love your life first. This will lead to a better individual, a better understanding of who you are and what you want.

Those attributes are necessary for when the distance is closed. If you love yourself, if you know the obstacles you are going to face, if you know about the mentally and financially difficulties AND STILL chooses to continue with that person everyday, by this point love as a choice comes as a consequence from the beautiful relationship you have created based on communication and trust.

And that makes all the difference - to know that you CHOOSE to stay, not out of loneliness or insecurities, but because you have sculpted a solid relation and know it's worth.

----------

I hope this will be of any help to someone lol

[bbyhaikyuu]

Captains as Older Brothers || Headcanons

Ushijima Wakatoshi || Kuroo Tetsurou || Oikawa Tooru || Sawamura Daichi || Bokuto Kotaro

Warnings: Just some swear words here and there. gn!reader.

I actually have two brothers, one older and one younger. So this one is probably influenced by my experiences

M.List || Requests

Ushijima Wakatoshi

Everyone is surprised that you're his younger sibling?? I mean, you're a ball of sunshine and Wakatoshi is... Wakatoshi.

What they didn't know is that precisely because of your older brother, you were able to become the person you are today.

He was the one who kept you distracted while your parents fought. The one who shouldered everything just to let you have a normal childhood. And the one who demanded that both of you should always be together. He practically raised you in a way.

The type of brother who rarely bickers and just lets you win? He mature like that.

The dorm rooms for 1st, 2nd, and 3rd years are separated but you visit each other frequently, be it for homework, movie nights, or just plain gossiping ya'know?

Tendou naturally became your brother too. The best one to talk about the manga and animes because all your brother does is read the advertisements on jump.

Occasionally treats you with food whenever you do good at exams.

Found out about the love letters you've been getting. Rejects them for you lmaoooo.

Probably because you've told him about the person you kinda like. You can't really tell your mom about these stuff because when you were a kid and told her about liking someone, you just got a long ass lecture.

Wingman Wakatoshi nii-san? Hell yeah. Although he can just threaten them and everything will work out.

Best head pats. It's a fact.

Originally was against the idea of letting you play volleyball. But after seeing how passionate you were he just went— ah, fuck it

You still were far from matching his strength in spiking, but it doesn't mean you're not good at it. (you're the best according to nii-san. Don't tell Goshiki)

Has the softest smile when you're around. His team is actually dumbstruck seeing him that way.

Practically has the whole volleyball team looking after you.

Kuroo Tetsurou

The type of older brother that basically imparts all his knowledge unto you.

I have always been this kind

Yeah but loves to annoy the shit out of you. You're just lying on your bed? Mf will suffocate you with his body. But he can tell when you aren't really in the mood to play around anymore.

You and Kenma always occasionally make fun of him. Or give him the stink eye. Depends on what shit he said.

Oh yeah remember the way he taught Tsukki about blocking? He likes to be straightforward with his words and criticism.

Midnight drives and food trip. It's like a monthly bonding thing you guys have. Might also turn into a driving lesson.

Also drives for you when you go out with friends. Fetches you when it's already late at night because he doesn't trust public transport that much.

Usually let's you experience and learn some things on your own. But steps in once it feels like it's too dangerous or if he feels like you can't handle the aftermath.

He wants to be considered as the best older brother. Kinda regrets letting you meet the rest of his team. They all baby you and even Lev's older sister loves you.

Getting bullied? Try to hide it from him? No chance, he got eyes and ears everywhere. He's ready to throw hands. Even the rest of the volleyball team got their fists ready.

Brings you along whenever he comes over at Kenma's house because you and Kenma seem to get along more than him.

Might have tried to set you and Kenma up. He failed.

You and Kenma decided to ignore him for like a week. Profusely apologized after 3 days and swore he won't do it ever again.

Has a quote that goes "It's the older brother's job to annoy his younger sibling."

Honestly a good brother 11/10. Would bring a speaker and food into your room just to cheer you up. Makes fun of you after when he knows that you're over it.

Oikawa Tooru

CONSTANT FIGHTS

Either verbal or physical. This bitch won't back down.

You both lost count of how your mother threatened to handcuff you both on a pole for a whole day.

But don't be fooled. He brought out the best of his team. He can do that to you too.

Likes to give you shitty nicknames. One of his fangirls thought it would be a good idea to call you that and Oikawa overheard it. "Who do you think you are to use that nickname? " istg that girl ran away like lightning. Sonic could never.

Honestly you just fight everywhere. Iwaizumi either stops you both or joins you in bullying shittykawa.

You know that thing where you just stand in the doorway of his bedroom and like, stare at him for a good minute and leave without closing the door? Yeah he hates that.

Honestly when he's feeling down, he just goes to your room, flop down on your bed, and talk his heart out. He thinks you're just scrolling through your phone and not listening to his rambles, but thats not the case. You rarely give out advices because you know that he just wants to lift the burden off his shoulders when he talks about his thoughts.

You rarely play volleyball, but will play with him just to make him feel better.

Being Oikawa's sibling means you're crazy good even if you rarely play. People are confused.

100% helped you during your first heartbreak.

Will probably break down your door just because he wants to try a tiktok trend with you.

When the fight gets a little out of hand. Neither of you says sorry. Just pop your head into the bedroom and ask him if he wants to eat. That always solves the problem.

Never says it but he is extremely proud of his sibling. Secretly boasts about you to your teammates.

School heartthrobs. You don't really care though unlike your hoe of a brother.

Asks you to come along with him to do his practices. Never lets you go home alone

Tries really hard to be the best older brother. Of course you love him.

Sawamura Daichi

Play fighting. A lot of play fighting. Either through volleyball or wrestling.

He knows he's stronger than you so he usually tries to match his strength with yours.

Will not hesitate to put you in a headlock if you keep being an ass.

Does a pretty good job of keeping you down. I mean, he is scary when he's mad. A look or a smile can make you shut up already.

Knows when something is bugging you. Will not hesitate to ask you about it so that he can help you resolve it as fast as possible.

The type to give you a piggy back ride if you still felt like shit.

Actually asked Chikara to make sure Tanaka and Noya limit their interaction with you because he knows that those two are up to no good. After quite some time and persuading, he finally trusts them enough to be around you.

Pranks. A lot of pranks. Daichi has boomer tendencies so he probably won't know about the latest trends. Sugawara is very supportive of your plans too.

One time you almost got hit by a stray ball. He ran faster than Hinata.

Doesn't say it but he gets jealous when you hug Asahi. Who couldn't resist hugging that teddy bear?

Will ruffle your hair whenever you did something great. You kinda got accustomed to it.

Actual fights never really happen? You retort once or twice but that's pretty much it.

Knows how to cook and bake. With you being his personal critique. He bakes your favorites every Sunday.

Knows when to bother you and when not to.

Older brother instincts is one of the best of the best.

Bokuto Koutarou

A f f e c t i o n. Lots and lots of it.

Will hug you out of the blue. Or throw you out somewhere, depends on his mood. You don't mind though.

You are a perfect balance between Bokuto and Akaashi's personality. Like their love child.

You don't really have an emo mode though, just a really strong aura that can match your brother's. Akaashi was thankful because he didn't want to take care of two Bokutos. His system can't handle it.

Bokuto emo mode? Call him nii-chan along with some compliments, that'll do. That's why you're always needed when they have a game. And when you can't come, a quick call from you is usually the team's plan B.

Usually takes you to his practices if you have nothing else to do. Will probably or maybe already has taught you everything he knows.

Tried to smuggle you with him during his summer training camp. He got caught by Akaashi and got lectured by your mom.

Travelling is normal for him because of volleyball. Expect a lot of souvenirs and gifts. He spoiled you so much and he doesn't even realize it. You don't take it for granted though.

You fought once. That was it. He went on full emo mode. You never try to bicker with him again.

The type to send you snaps and tiktoks of the most random things. Even at three in the morning. Not that you're asleep (Don't tell mom.)

Will try to smuggle you again. You woke up to him trying to stuff you in a suitcase.

Will give you infinite amounts of piggy back rides despite your age.

Kuroo and Hinata knows about you because he just doesn't stop talking about his precious sibling.

Feeling down? Expect Bokuto to go into nii-chan mode. Will not hesitate to slap a bitch. Or take you to explore the city and buy you food and stuff. Remember the way of the ace T-shirt? Yeah, you have a matching one.

When he feels down, but not like his emo mode, he just usually plops down next to you and start talking. Feel free to give out advices, he'll always say that you're the smartest and the best.

A great older brother indeed. He doesn't even realize it.

Gif Sources : Ushijima, Kuroo, Oikawa, Daichi, Bokuto

[fictionalrambles]

Shadowhunters Fandom Story - Part Fifteen

Submitted by jwrites_

Five Favourite Fics:

1. What's It Gonna Be by @lemonoclefox

Why I love this fic: I'm a sucker for Pride & Prejudice. San was able to take that dynamic and put it all in a modern day telling of it. I can't count how many times I've read this. Sometimes I read it all the way through, other times I go and find my favorite parts just to get that rush of emotions it never fails to give. The enemies to lovers is done perfectly, the dialogue is great and flows seamlessly, the way she tied in the storyline between Simon, Isabelle, Valentine, and Alec together was genius. I truly love every word of this story.

Favorite scene: Awkward - love - confession - in -  the -  rain

Favorite quote(s):

(Yes. Love confessions are great but have you ever overheard someone say something rude about you and then have the opportunity later that same night to be able to casually call that person out for their comment?)

"Her friend is..." He trails off, as though searching for the word, and Magnus can imagine him gesturing in the meantime. "Interesting," Jace eventually settles on, pointedly.

"Who, that Bane guy?" Alec says, and as he does, Magnus is hit with a wave of intrigued surprise. Does Alec like men? Interesting. The assumption could be wrong, of course, but Jace's tone implies that that's why he's mentioning it. "He's a bit over the top, don't you think?"

He sounds almost disdainful as he says it, as though Jace's mere suggestion is laughable, and Magnus's intrigue immediately shifts to offended annoyance. He straightens a little where he stands, reluctantly affected by it.

--

"I mean, love songs are great," Magnus admits lightly. "But stringing a few pretty words together does seem a bit unoriginal when everyone does it."

Simon shoves him lightly in offense, and Magnus can't help but laugh.

"Then what do you suggest?" Magnus is taken completely by surprise when he realizes that it's Alec who's speaking, and he turns to him. The guy's expression is neutral, but seems genuinely curious.

"Oh, I don't know," Magnus says, swirling his drink around in his glass. He shrugs. "I suppose I'm more a fan of showing and not telling. I'd much prefer someone showing interest in what I like and who I am, than comparing my eyes to the night sky, and whatnot." He gestures airily, then hesitates. He suddenly can't seem to stop himself, the memory of the Lightwoods' overheard conversation bubbling to the surface. "I think most people can appreciate that. Even if some of us are a bit over the top."

--Okay...I'm gonna go ahead and throw in a love confession~

"Look, I don't expect anything from you," he says, as though the words are hard to say. "You've made your feelings pretty clear, and I respect that. But I heard you talked to my mom, and with the stuff you said to her... I guess it just kind of made me a bit hopeful, or something. A bit." He clears his throat, while Magnus just listens. He turns to watch Alec's profile as the young man struggles to find the words, eyes on the view in front of him. "Either way, I'll admit that how I feel hasn't really changed. Maybe it should have, but..."

Alec shakes his head, and Magnus feels his throat go dry. He wants to interrupt Alec, wants to say and show everything that's bursting out of his chest, but he waits. Alec takes a deep breath then, turns to him. He looks determined.

"If you want me to," he says steadily, "I'll go. I'll leave you alone, I promise. You won't hear from me again." He pauses, licks his lips. "But if you don't want me to, if something has changed since last time, somehow... I'd really like to know. Because that would be pretty great."

2. 42 North 71 West by @lecrit​

Why I love this fic: I was blessed with the opportunity to witness Lu working on this fic from its conception to its end. I was there and still I am blown away at the way she was able to work the time jumps. I remember thinking with every chapter I read, 'Wow. The way she is telling this story is amazing. She is amazing.' Lu has a way of presenting so much honesty in her characters. She writes them in a way that feels so real, that you can't help but understand their fears and hesitations even though it hurts. The story is a back and forth told through scenes set in the past and present. You get to see what they were and where they are. The story is beautifully heartbreaking. And she was able to make me enjoy a story that dealt with politics? What? Sorcery, I tell you. -- also, the bench.

Favorite scene: This was almost impossible to choose and I took way too long trying to pinpoint just one. But I'm going to go with one that I hold very dear. When Magnus goes to visit Alec on his birthday and he finds Alec playing the song he only plays when he's sad. That's all I'm going to say because I don't want to spoil~

Favorite quote(s):

“Magnus,” Alec breathes out.

The name feels almost foreign, as if he hadn’t uttered it in too long and now his mind is troubling to catch up with his mouth. Still, it manages to make Alec’s heart stutter.

--

“We should’ve stayed on that bench in Boston,” he murmurs.

--

The good thing is, he knows where to go to find his way back. It is inked on his body, engraved into his soul, sealed into his heart.

3. Lead The Way by Clockworkswan

Why I love this fic: Because it takes the wonderful adventure of Doctor Who and packs it in with Malec. This is the ultimate fun and feel good but you will also cry at one point fic. I always go back to it if I want a wonderfully written Doctor Magnus and his adorable companion Alec. Seriously, even if you're not into Doctor Who, give this fic a shot. It's written in a way that you will get so caught up in the adventure that you won't even realize it's based on something else. And if you're a Doctor Who fan, you're in luck with all the little Easter Eggs Heather left throughout.

Favorite scene: I really don't want to spoil anything. The planet of Ablorix. This will mean nothing if you don't read the fic (so you should ;])

Favorite quote(s):

Magnus extends a hand. It’s just like before, when they were in the hallway a couple of weeks ago. It’s just as inviting as it was the first time.

“How about it, pretty boy? Name a star. Any one will do. Or a date,” Magnus says. The double meaning is evident when he winks. He pauses then, and his expression shifts, growing solemn.

A clear shift in his demeanour happens. Magnus turns from playful to sincere in the blink of an eye. Although, there was also a serious tone to it. Magnus looks at him, and understanding eyes meet Alec’s hesitant ones. “Alexander, you seem like a man in need of a break, and I am very much a man in need of a friend. Adventures are always a quick way in figuring out what you want. What do you say?”

What does he say?

He says yes.

Of course Alec does.

--

Before Magnus can think of a good retort, he tries to ignore the clenching ache his stomach gives at the sight of a confident, smirking Alec Lightwood watching him so openly. He settles for pointing in a random direction. “I have to go and see a dog about a man. Meet back here in five?”

“Uh, isn’t the expression, ‘see a man about a dog’?”

“Not when the dog ran off with the man’s wife. A rather big scandal, it seems. The president wants me to try and step in. Smooth things over, so to speak.”

At that, Alec just stares blankly.

Magnus holds up a finger. “Yes, this is normal for me. No, you may not come along. Go.”

4. Love & Other Drugs prequel of Our Love Is A Harsh Chord in the Semi-charmed Kind Life series by @la-muerta​

Why I love this fic: I'm kind of cheating here by listing two fics but they're a package deal. Love & Other Drugs was a smutty one-shot that left me wanting

more...

backstory. Let me tell you the pining and 'unrequited' love between those two demanded a story to be written. Which is why when la_muerta ran a poll on whether or not she should start it or another series first, I campaigned for this one like it was my job (I lost but I still got the series eventually so did I really lose?) The writing in this and with all of la_muerta's fics will hook you. The sadness over the back and forth between them is done so well. It's angst that will grip you and hold onto you until you eventually finish. Just go on the twitter hashtag of #OLIAHCfic and see my screaming.

Favorite scene: Probably the LSD scene.

Favorite quote(s):

Alec was still here, in bed with him.

How many times had Magnus wished that he could wake up with Alec in his arms? He didn't dare to move, wanting the dream to last a little longer, but Alec was already stirring.

--

he'll wonder if life would be a little easier if he wasn't hopelessly in love with Magnus, but it is a fact of who he is now: Alec Lightwood is 6'3, has dark hair, is gay, and is in love with Magnus Bane.

--

They are lying next to each other now, turned on their sides and face to face. The world is no longer warped and weird, but glowing and perfect. Magnus is tracing a path of lightning down Alec's body with his fingertips, and in a moment of clarity Alec understands that in Magnus' eyes he is as beautiful as he thinks Magnus is (it is the first thing Alec forgets when he wakes up sober later).

--

Words aren't enough to express how he feels, but they've always understood each other better when clumsy words don't get in the way.

5. The Lonely Hearts Hotline by @unrestrainedlyexcessive​

Why I love this fic: It's funny, it's endearing, it's heart wrenching, it's sexy, etc. The way Alec is written in this fic is one of my favorite characterizations. The way his situation can resonate with so many young adults today. That feeling when you're an adult and you feel like you should know what to do with your life and who you should be but the truth is, you're still just as lost as always. Being an adult sucks tbh and even when you're an adult, sometimes life doesn't quite feel like it. Alec's character and growth in this fic is beautiful. (I also really loved Jace in this fic)

Favorite scene: A tough choice. Probably the office party and follow up scene in Magnus' office.

Favorite quote(s):

The problem with being a new grad, in general, is that the world and job force demands you have experience, but you have to live a certain number of productive years on the planet to gain that experience.

Early adulthood is no man's land. You don’t have the experience to matter and no one wants to pay you to gain it, hence how he ended up in the precarious situation he’s in: dodgy sex work by night, an even dodgier roommate, and desperately hoping an internship eventually turns into an actual paying job.

--

Magnus runs his tongue down the knobs of Alec's spine. "You're so beautiful," he says, pausing.

"I'm really not," Alec insists, eyes fluttering closed.

"Why are you so kind to everyone except yourself?"

"I'm a work in progress."

"Aren't we all?"

[dyker-farmer]

Ok this was supposed to be a quick draw and a description to go with, that blew into a full chapter and now it's also on Ao3 SO happy reading ig idk

I never see Shane works that don't go all in for romance nor explore the more realistic ugly parts of recovery, and I kind of crave That TM. So let me have at it too with the self-insert whump mumbo jumbo; no romo version.

Set post-8 hearts event, Farmer Uidelsib is two years or so in, full house built and married to Emily. They/them pronouns, same as me.

Diverges from then on, Shane-centric from an outside POV for the most part.

[[MORE]]

Take that can away if you can.

Gulp it down. Chapter 1/2/3/4

There's a few to-know to survive life in society, in the valley; there's no good way to comment on the age nor weight of both resident housewives, you can't say no to Evelyn's homemade cookies- and why would you, you fool-, you do not fight at the Saloon or you'll get no cheese anymore on your pizza and only sparkling water for drinks, and-

And you don't mess with Shane's alcohol related ritual.

Except I did, that night, because you do that, when your two-years long friendship with the guy taught you better than letting his impulses overcome yours, when your buddy is trying to recover from teenage long-lasting into early adulthood, trauma-enhanced heavy addiction, and you know, you know tomorrow he'll feel like absolute shit and question his right to therapy the moment he'll stop his pounding skull from splitting. Wonders what a three-dosage paracetamol can do. 

At least he doesn't drink it out anymore.

So yeah, when you're in my shoes, you get that Joja store-bought crap out of Shane's hand, and you brace yourself for the incoming lash out.

The first fractions of seconds are always those to look closely into most. It's only a glimpse, but before the scowl slips on like a well-worn boxing glove ready to strike, there is always this open page I learned I needed to decipher as quick as I could.

Tonight, it's heartbreaking. When I peck his forehead- doting big sibling habits die hard, even when you're actually the youngest of the pair- the eyes I catch looking at me are so confused and bare of any emotion, except for the sorrow that goes beer-soaked tears, it pangs. I get used to the breakdowns, working in the fields I do when I'm off the farm's, but it's not the same when it's a friend.

When I straighten back, offensive beverage in hand, it's already gone in a flinch, away from the empty space behind the chair and onto the table, as he snarls.

"Wha- giv'me back- 's mine!" I don't know how much he drunk before he met up with me, but from the slurring, it's a Lot. A season and a half into sobriety. That's harsh.

I ignore him and walk behind him, pondering where to put the beer for now.

"Y-you can't just do that! It's my booze I got with m'money, not some- who d'you think you are?-" He sputters indignantly, angry tears fewer than the sad ones but still there. He tries to turn around and grab behind his back, but the wild movement is way off and only gets the chair to nearly topples down. I rush in time to stabilize it, and profit off the moment to set a strong hand on his shoulder.

"I can just do that, 'cus it's my house I got with my money, and I think I'm your pal who knows when you've had enough. Dude, I trust you to be an adult, but minutes before, you were already so torched I had to keep your neck upright so you didn't faceplant into the table, and you nearly just kissed my floor good evening. Not to mention you clung to my arms the whole way from the little entry stairs to the kitchen because, quoting, 'If I don't I'll fall in the hole and won't get up'."

I turn to the fridge again, going to open it, before I think better of it. Likely enough, we'll both forget it was there in the first place, it'll stink up my fridge- it's Joja's- and it'll be money out of Shane's pocket for nothing. I set it on the counter, with the rest of the pack. He'll put it to cool down when he's back to Marnie's. Or he won't, probably. 

That's not a worry for now.

When I caught up with him, it was a few feet below my doorstep; he'd probably slipped up trying to climb the three steps up to it, and settled for it. He was nursing that same can, muttering to himself, head down, curled up on himself. Except for that leg sticked out, he probably hurt it when he fell, I'll have to look at that and work on it if it's too swollen. Hopefully that'll spare us from a visit to Harvey's.

Bad memories. Not mine, and it's warm and not raining outside, but. Déjà-vu.

Anyways, he looked the picture of "help I've fallen and I can't get up- and even if I can I won't because Fuck You", and it's been a hassle to have him cooperate. But when I asked if he wanted to leave, he shook his head with a fervor no somnolent drunk should have. That resulted in a lovely streak of vomit down the wall right next to the door. That's also for later. If Eryza doesn't lap it up. Ew. This cat's never predictable.

Now, he's staring at his hands, sitting at my table, contemplating something too far down for me to see- or maybe just zoning out with a sleeping brain. Then he mumbles. "Sorry."

I get back to the table and sit at arm's length across of him. "Nah, 's okay. I don't mind being a helping hand or touchy-feely, must be the frog-eater in me. Not for the helping part." I'd chuckle but my quip falls on deaf ears.

I go to put my hand over his. When he doesn't blink at it, I try and shake a reply out of him, gently. He startles and hawkeyes our joined fingers. When he's finally looking at me, I raise a single eyebrow. He doesn't say anything, but when he pulls back his arm, I let him. We both straighten up, and it's hard to keep up the eye contact.

"So…" There's a heavy air on us. Suddenly, like the last year didn't happen, we're sitting a stride away of each other, and yet it feels like he's all the way back to the forest, looking down at waves.

"Do you want me to do something?" I bend myself a little closer to him, not moving otherwise.

He puts his head in his hands, shivering. Can't tell if it's the AC or his system kicking the alcohol out, or itself, in stress. I think I hear something, but it might as just be his shuddering breath.

"Shane" I insist, voice level, not pressing. "I need words. I want to help, I truly don't mind, but I need words to know what to do." He's never shown signs of going nonverbal before. If he does, I'll improvise. Until then… I need words.

Time ticks slowly as we wait. Then, with great effort and deep fatigue, he drags his palms up from under his nose to his temple, spreading some snot and wet tears across his face from his scrunched shut eyes. Lips trembling but finally showing, that attempt to let out a sound that's not too garbled. He coughs, sniffles a bit, breathe in again, sounding like a sick dog, and blows through gritted teeth before his jaws go slack. Eyes still closed, he whispers, and I have to lower myself some more toward his crouched form to catch it.

"Can I get something to drink…?" His voice is hoarse.

The demand could be comical, if we were into sour humor. And we usually are. But right now, we're not finding the joke in the lines. I stand silently, and as I walk to the fridge again, I let my hand brush his shoulder- same spot as before.

I take a minute to choose, look into the pantry. When I'm back at the table with my items of choice, he's still sitting there, his cheek is cushioned on his arms, face hidden from view. His shoulder, except for the occasional tremor, rise and fall in rythm with his snores. Breaks my heart to interrupt that, but not really. Hangovers are mean bitches with the sharpest nail art on the blackest of boards.

"Psst, dude. C'mon." I rustle his hair backward. He hates when I do that, says it tickles, and it makes him sneeze. So I obligatory do it once a day if I can. Let's say today's my late quota for the last four days I haven't seen him.

He gruffly tells me to kindly refrain from such pleasantries, and raise bleary eyes back up at the table. I can also guess he tried to bat a hand at me, but his coordination is off and he slaps himself lightly on the ear. Then he glares bewildered at his hand for a few seconds, obviously insulted. I profit of this moment to grab a small basin from under the sink, on second thought.

When he brings his attention back to me, I'm sitting again. Between us, a jug of fresh milk from this morning, a small sack of peppers, and a juice carafe sit aside a green glass bottle. There's also some bread, mostly for me to munch on. Because, hmmm dough. He squints at it all, especially at the bottle. Probably trying to read the label.

"Yeah no, didn't get you one of my best wine, not sorry."

"Hot pepper… juice?" He looks at the actual peppers next to it. "With actual peppers?" And then I get the squint too.

"Hmph, I know you like your elongated hell tomatoes, man, what can i say."

At that, a feeble snort.

I decide that it is the highlight victory of my soirée.

"Welp, have at it." I gesture to the half-liter liquor glass right by his left.

He fumbles with the drinks and some splashes around, but I lay back on my chair, arms crossed, letting him do his thing. While I don't hold back from growing downright doting on him when I got to- or even when I don't- I don't see how more devotion right now would be not smothering. He can break my fancy glass cups if he wants and spill my milk, so long he doesn't cut himself or cry over it.

Now, you could be thinking that plain water would have done the trick just fine, if not better, in rehydrating him. Here's the thing, though; going from booze to tasteless liquid, for Shane, that's a sure way to puking his heart out. And I'd rather not have us deal with an acid bile throat burn on top of near alcohol poisoning. Sorry to not spare you the squeamish details, but his oesophagus is pretty sensitive ever since that stomach pumping back at the clinic. Hot fiery hell fruits he can do just fine, with relative moderation and hydratation- hence the milk and juice- but liquor bursting its way back from his guts? Nuh uh. 

It had taken lots of coaxing, but he'd explained the plain tastes, or lackthereof, were very hard for him to deal with, especially when contrasting with strong ones like beers and whiskeys. I'd shackle it to gustative hypostimulation, but I don't know enough about him that way to say. He'd said sparkling water was a good compromise.

But I don't have sparkling water, because I do not like suffering.

I might buy a pack for when he visits though.

And I do know a handful about him already. Shackle that to perceptiveness and a stubborn streak on top of a year and so long camaraderie.

And having a certain uncontrollable fear of failing to act quick the next time coped with by accumulating information and patterns compulsively.

I shake my head to focus on the present again. He's switched from juices to soaking bread in milk to eat it small portion after small portion. He pauses in mid-bite when he catches me staring. He's still hunched on himself and red-faced and a tad bloated. His cheeks are drying and he's blown his nose. I smile calmly. Worst of the storm passed, unless I screw up and blow it.

"Ywou wan' chom'?" He offers a dripping piece of bread. In moments like this, when he's sobering but not quite, the resemblance with Jas are unmistakable. The glint in his reddened eyes that open wide, and his blank-but-not-quite wondering expression, it's all here to paint a scrutinizing but vulnerable picture of tired but bright minds.

"Nah thanks. You done with that milk?"

"...Sure." He eyes it, wary. He knows where this is going, and he doesn't like it. I take the drink off the table, and his gaze follows my movement until I bring it to my lips.

He frowns. A silent warning. 

And as I lock onto him with a dead stare, not blinking a millisecond, I down the rest of the 2 liters jug in three, five gulps. I even take the time to lick my new mustache away, and close my mouth with a click of my tongue.

His expression is the macabre marriage of beffudled horror and pure affliction, disgust if you will. The face of someone who doesn't hate milk, but has grown out of it enough to not be able to live off the stuff like the brave souls I'm apart of. And probably with reason, as I actually can't, like most 20+ years old, digest the liquid in large amount. But I smile like a smug cat, perfectly content.

Cats really can't digest milk once adults, it's all social mythos.

We silently judge and fuck with each other like that for a while more, as more time passes, until the room's elephant gets it all humid with its prancing around. Enough that tears and nervous sweats start again, for no apparent reasons but the residual anxiety from the whole chain of events that led to this.

"I think we should talk about this."

--- to be continued.

[dailyaudiobible]

09/18/2020 DAB Transcript

Isaiah 28:14-30:11, Galatians 3:23-4:31, Psalms 62:1-12, Proverbs 23:19-21

Today is the 18th day of September welcome to the Daily Audio Bible I'm Brian is good to be here with you today. We’re here for the same thing that we come here for every day, to take the next step forward on our adventure through the Scriptures and do it together in community. And, so, here we are, let's go, buckle up. We’re reading from the English Standard Version this week and continuing our journey through the book of Isaiah in the Old Testament today. Isaiah 28 verse 14 through 30 verse 11.

Commentary:

Okay. So, we’ve spent a lot of our time this week talking about the letter to the Galatians and trying to put ourselves in the position of those hearing Paul, trying to explore from their viewpoint, their perspective, the culture they were in, how this message was treated, how it was heard, how it was interpreted, how and why Paul seemed to be so controversial, controversial enough that people wanted to assassinate him, which is pretty controversial. So, we’ve looked at it from some different angles, like cultural Jew / Gentile angles - how Jewish people would’ve looked at Gentile people, especially Roman people, as their oppressors and how there's like all of that baggage involved in trying to find some sort of unity. And maybe the Romans being citizens, having more privileges and rights than Jewish people, you know, kind of coming into a mixed community with a level of arrogance. Like all of these things play into the world of the first century in Palestine or the province of Syria. We’ve also looked theologically, like religiously at why Hebrew people would be so confused. Because what Paul is saying is good news but gosh, the things that have to be set aside to get there will be to fly in the face of religious and cultural tradition. And of course, we’ve also talked about how the Greek speaking Roman citizens of the time who worshiped a pantheon of gods and didn't really have any kind of separation. God's were everywhere, involved in everything, would look at what Paul’s saying…well…just as Paul put it, nonsense. We’ve looked at these things and we’ll continue to look at these things, but we get to this point in…in the letter to the Galatian, and nearly every year I’m struck by it and nearly every year I talk about it because it gives us the chance to bring the tension and disruption really, really close, like so close that some of the things I’m about to tell you are probably gonna be disruptive, things that are like, “O my gosh, I had not thought about it like that before. That is…that is mind bending stuff. Like I have to think that through.” So, I’m gonna quote Paul here. “Now before faith came, we were held captive under the law, imprisoned until the coming faith would be revealed. So, then the law was our guardian until Christ came, in order that we might be justified by faith. But now that faith has come, we are no longer under a guardian for in Christ Jesus you are all sons of God through faith.” Okay, we can listen to that and go, “yup…that’s what I believe. That I'm free from…Christ has come and set me free and now I'm free.” Here’s where it's about to get disruptive. When Paul says law, he is referring to Mosaic law, he was referring to Torah. There was no New Testament at this time at all…at all. There was nothing called the New Testament at this time. It's essentially Paul's ministry and writings that reveal this concept of a new covenant inaugurated by Jesus, a new thing happening in the world. So, the only thing that would have been known as Scripture or Bible, of course Bible is a more recent word, but Scripture, Torah. The only thing that would have been known as the revealed word of God at this time would have been the law. So, to understand the tension that they were dealing with and accepting what Paul is saying, it's easy enough for us to take these three verses that I just quoted…four verses that I just quoted and replace “law” with “Bible”, and then all of a sudden all of the tension that they would've been feeling. And hearing Paul becomes our own tension. So, let me read this again. “Now before faith came, we were held captive under the Bible”, right? So, what Paul’s saying is “under the law”, which is Torah, which is the Scriptures that had been revealed. “We were held captive under the Bible, imprisoned until the coming faith would be revealed. So, then the Bible was our guardian until Christ came, in order that we might be justified by faith. But now that faith has come we are no longer under a guardian for in Christ Jesus you are all sons of God through faith,” right? That is disruptive stuff, which puts us squarely in the position of kind of being a religious person hearing what Paul is saying as he unpacks the Good News. But it's hard to…hard to get that concept that God is doing something new and that new thing is fulfilling the old thing and now by faith we are out into the great wild frontier to find out and flesh out this new thing without a guardian. And do we not for the most part look at the Bible as…as that fall back, as that baseline, as the thing that we go back to and say, “okay. Contrary to this is a “no”. Encouraged by this is a “yes”. This is the Bible. These are the Scriptures. This is the word of God. So, if somebody comes along and says that has been fulfilled and God is doing something new well then you see, you gotta leap, you gotta stretch. So, to try to actually enter in now then to what Paul is saying, we then to try to apply it properly and understand the concept and wrestle with the idea, have to then look at the Bible and say, “what is exactly is this? What…what exactly is my relationship or my posture toward this…this book, this a series of documents that is contained in this holy book?” Most of us would say, “this is the revealed word of God. These are the stories and examples of people who lived before God. This…these are the roads and pathways where lives can go. This gives us wisdom. This is something that is a revelation.” And we probably would most mostly agree with that. That’s…that’s what we all think. That's what I think. But if we obey everything that's in the Bible. In fact, let's just say the old…le4t’s just say that Paul's right as we believe as Christians and say, “the old covenant, we need the old covenant, we need a read it, we need to understand it because there's no way to understand the New Testament without a Hebrew context. Like the don't…they're not separate from each other. So, let's say the old covenant is fulfilled and the new covenant that this is…this is what we’re dealing with now. And let's just say the New Testament. If we can obey everything that's in the New Testament, would following those rules make us righteous before God? Right? Because we’re living into this and trying to live up to it and trying to live into it and so often there this subtle idea than, the more…the better we can do it the closer that we’ll be to God, the more righteous we’ll become, the more God will pay attention to us and, boom, we are just doing the same thing that Paul is saying you're free from. So, let me just pick up where we left off as I was quoting from…from Galatians, quoting Paul. I continue. “For in Christ Jesus you are all sons of God through faith. For as many of you as were baptized into Christ have put on Christ. There is neither Jew nor Greek. There is neither slave nor free. There is no male and female. For you are all one in Christ Jesus. And if you are Christ's, then you are Abraham's offspring, heirs according to promise.” That's pretty big stuff. The unity that Paul is claiming that God is doing in the world through Jesus, this new thing that's happening in the world, this essentially new species of human being upon the planet of which Jesus is the firstborn, in that way of looking in that kingdom there's no slave or free, there's no male or female, there's no Jew or Greek, which is essentially Jew or Gentile. We are all one in Christ Jesus. That's the revealed word of God in the New Testament. Why do we not live into that? Why do we not live that way even if we agree with it? Because the words, just the words, the sentences, versus, they don't do anything. They’re words, they’re sentences that have to be activated. Like we have to understand those words and by faith believe in that reality. So, the versus, the words in between the two covers of the Bible, they're just words until we live them, until we believe in their reality, until we reach in faith believing that it's true. And that's kind of what Paul has been saying throughout all of what we’ve read in his letters so far. It's not the rules. You might need the rules as some sort of de facto baseline to know how well you're doing because we don't do well with mystery, but the rules aren't gonna save you anymore than the Bible can save you. The Bible…and listen, the…the Bible is my life. I love the Bible. The Bible…the…the Bible, like, pick up your Bible and carry it around. Like if you have...it doesn't matter if you have a giant large print Bible that you’re carrying it around in a backpack or a little mini New Testament that you carry around in your purse. It's wonderful that we do that but it's not gonna be some sort of magic force field that’s gonna keep bad things from happening to us because we have a book that we’re carrying around. That book leads us to the revelation of God's love for us and the lengths that He's been willing to go to in order to get our attention that we might be restored to Him. But just carrying around a Bible doesn't do anything. We have to live into what it says. And the main thing that we have to understand is the Bible's revealing God. God is behind the Bible. If we don't press through to God by faith, then we haven't gone anywhere. We just read a book which is the same way a relationship with God works. Understanding everything that we can possibly know, and I mean there so…there's been so much scholarship done on the theology of the Bible that…that there are…there is no end to the literature that can be read and studied over millennia of what people thought. So, it's impossible to absorb all that, in one brain, in one lifetime. But even if we could, even if we knew everything that everybody ever thought about God than that's all we know is everything that everybody thought about God. Do we know God? Does God know us? This is the experience that Paul is preaching. He’s chosen that although he is religiously educated and has done everything to live up to what he believed would make him righteous before God, he has found that he cannot get there on his own. He cannot behave well enough to become righteous before God. But God came to him and Jesus revealed Himself to Him and he experienced God and that changed his life. And that's why he's saying the things that he’s saying. He’s saying the path that you are on has lost its plot and it will not take you where you think you are going. You are going to have to reach out in faith to get there, which means you are reaching into the dark to get there and you are not always gonna know that you’re getting there. Just like the early church, right? Just like the arguments and confusion that they were experiencing. It's reaching out and allowing our faith to be perfected as we go in fits and starts. And it's okay because we can fall back into that pillow of grace we were talking about yesterday knowing that the transformation that's happening within us is not something we can do. It's something God is doing in us by faith. So, that is a heck of a lot to take into our weekend and consider and ponder. And it's good. It's good that we can encounter things in the Scriptures that are disruptive enough to make us go, “wait a second. I need to spend a little more time pondering, meditating, praying, seeking God. And, so, may we do that.

Prayer:

Father we thank You for the opportunity to reach to You by faith knowing that You are there, that You have reviewed Yourself to us so many times, that You continually are revealing Yourself to the world. We can't look anywhere without seeing Your fingerprints. And, so, give us eyes to see and ears to hear that we have to reach for You through faith. Come Holy Spirit we pray in the name of Jesus. Amen.

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So as…I mean…we mention these things often because they are important. The Prayer Wall is in the Community section and the Prayer Wall is a place that if you need prayer then you can go and just let go and people will pray for you. Or maybe you're just overwhelmed with life and it's become very, very self…self-focused because of all the stuff that's going on. Like, turning outward changes the atmosphere, the way we look at things to realize that we’re not the only one going through stuff. Like, everybody is going through…like we are all going through stuff. And, so, to just reach out in prayer makes a difference, makes us feel connected, makes us become more and more aware that we aren't alone and we’re not the only one. So, be sure to check out the Prayer Wall.

If you want to partner with the Daily Audio Bible, you can do that dailyaudiobible.com. There’s a link on the main homepage. If you’re using the Daily Audio Bible app, you can press the Give button in the upper right-hand corner, or the mailing address is PO Box 1996 Spring Hill Tennessee 37174. I cannot think you enough for your partnership other than to just say the truth, like we wouldn't be here, none of us, this wouldn't be happening if we hadn't done this together over the years. And, so, thank you for your partnership.

And, as always, if you have a prayer request or encouragement outside of the Prayer Wall which we just talked about, you…there’s also a Hotline button in the app at the top, you can’t miss it. It’s a way to reach out or you can dial 877-942-4253.

And that's it for today. I’m Brian I love you and I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Community Prayer and Praise:

Good morning DABbers this is Shielded in Colorado. My heart goes out to Stephanie and the family in Oregon who lost their sons. I’m praying for all the people who have lost children. It is probably the hardest thing you will ever go through in your life. I lost my son four years ago and it’s been a journey. One thing I have learned is that you have to wade through it and experience it. You can’t run away from it. No matter where you go or what happens it’s just there. I want you all to know that I’ll be praying for you and all the other people who have lost children. It’s a special kind of grief and it’s…it can be hard. But my thoughts and prayers are with you. Love you all. Amen.

Hi everyone this is All the Treasures from Wyoming and I heard a prayer request for Vincent who has been hearing voices and I just wanted to lift up anyone in the community who is dealing with mental illness or who has family members who are dealing with mental illness and I wanted to pray some of Psalm 91 over Vincent and all the others who may be dealing with this. Vincent and all of the family who deals with mental illness, you dwell in the shelter of the most-high and you will abide in the shadow of the Almighty and you will say to the Lord, Lord you are my refuge and my fortress and it’s in you who I trust. For the Lord will deliver you from the snare of the fallow, from the deadly pestilence. He will cover you with His pinions and under His wings you will find refuge because His faithfulness is a shield and a buckler. You will not fear the terror of the night or the arrow that flies by day nor the pestilence that stocks in the darkness nor the destruction that wastes at noonday. A thousand may fall at your side, 10,000 at your right hand but it’s not gonna come near you because you have made the Lord your dwelling place, the most-high who is your refuge. No evil shall be allowed to befall you, no plague come near your tent. For he will command His angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways. Lord God thank you so much for your word of truth. Thank you, Father for the privilege and the honor to stand in the gap for those who are suffering. God bless you DAB family.

Good morning everyone it’s Susan from Canada God’s Yellow Flower and I just want to pray for our brother in India who is suffering from brain atrophy. And I don’t know the cause of it all, but it must be very distressing. So, dear heavenly Father we just come before Your holy throne and we ask a healing upon our brother dear Lord that his brain and its function would be restored to normal even better than normal because You are such a powerful and holy God that we know that You can do miraculous things, things that seem impossible to us. So, we pray dear God a full recovery from this, this condition he has. And that Lord God You would bless him mightily to the power of Your holy and. Bless his family, bless his home dear God and fill his home the power of Your Holy Spirit that no evil could come in and You would just watch over each and every one of his family and draw them all into closer step with you. Dear God, just bless him in all ways and bring healing within his whole body. In Jesus’ precious and holy and wonderful name we pray. Thank You for Your love father. Amen.

Hey, DABbers this is Keira from Denver and I would like prayer for my son Nish. He’s homeless, he’s in another city for me, Albuquerque. It was about four years ago that I kicked him out. It was just me and him living in my place and he was still using, and I had just quit meth. And, so, I kicked them out of tough love, and I thought he would go to a friends or something I guess. Well, he ended up literally walking from Denver to my mother’s place which is deep in the mountains. And long story short, I had gone and visited him a year ago and the year before that and he offered to…I offered to help him to come back and he said he was good. He’s living so austerely. He has nothing and when he gets some items, I was told that the police take it away and then it builds back up. He lives in tunnels and eats garbage and somehow, he gets drugs. But, you know, obviously there’s real mental issues there. And I really miss him. He’s a sweet soul. I really wish him to find Jesus. When I kicked them out, I didn’t know Jesus, but I do now and I have told him. So, at least there’s a seed there. But I am asking the Holy Spirit. Guys please pray for me for strength and wisdom. I’m asking the Holy Spirit what I should do next. I really need to go and see him and find him. Please pray for me for strength guys. I really need it.

Hi this is Cecelia from Texas and I keep telling myself I’m gonna call more and more often and I don’t but I do pray in agreement and even in addition to the prayers that I hear at the end of the podcast and the community prayers, although I’m behind the community prayers. But I’m determined. I think God’s timing is perfect and that the prayers will go forth and produce. But today I heard Stephanie, God’s Chic and I…I’m a nurse as well and she told about her loss…losses and I can see the temptation to just not feel with that sorrow, that pain. And, so, am asking for God to put salt on her hurts, to bolster her up Jesus, to comfort, to be the lifter of her head Father God, that you would put a ram rod, steal, God infused, support system on her back Lord God. I love you Father and I know that You are faithful in Jesus’ name.

Good afternoon Daily Audio Bible brothers and sisters it’s September 15th this is Sunset Cindy in Washington state where we are experiencing raging fires and heavy, heavy smoke. I’m looking out my window and can’t see even a couple yards past my yard but that’s not the reason I’m calling in. I’m not calling in for my situation, I’m just calling in to welcome Kelsey to the family. She called in to give a report about the family in Eastern Washington who experienced the fire in the worst possible way by losing their little one-year-old son Arielle and they are both critically burned in the hospital and Jamie the mama is pregnant. So, I’m just praying, Lord Jesus please lift this family up and protect them and give them comfort and bring them the support they need. And I would like to pray Psalm 147:3 over this family. He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. He determines the number of the stars and calls them each by name. And, so, I just pray that He lifts up that family, the Highland family, and all of the people that are affected by this fire. Keep everyone safe. Keep the first responders safe Lord Jesus. And we pray your comfort and peace for all those that are experiencing loss. Thank you, family that there’s a place we can come. Thank you, Brian and his family that they have provided this resource for us all to come together around the world and pray for those that are in distress and need comfort in Jesus’ name Amen.

[minabels]

“How to be a financially prepared Adult”

by: Carmina Rafael

Indeed nowadays, it is really hard to save money because of the high cost of living whether in the province or in the city. I admit I was one of those people who had a hard time budgeting my income for my family’s necessities back then. At 19 years old, I was a single mom and the breadwinner of the family. Being raised in a poor family, I learned to value hard-earned money and spend it wisely. However, on my part, there is a guilt feeling with not being able to save for my child’s future. Also, we do not have enough cash ready for emergencies like sickness, so whenever it happens, we seek help from relatives. Being a high school graduate back then, life is tough and got fewer options and resources to turn to. My parents were not able to send me to college due to financial problems. I don’t want to have the same fate for my daughter. I remember a long time ago, my mom had to work for a couple of months for my aunt so that she can bring home little food and medicine as my father was sick. It’s painful being helpless and I don’t want to repeat history. We were a typical family that is among those that they call “ isang kahig, isang tuka”.

For years of working, I tried selling different kinds of products for extra income. I also do part-time job during a day off. I use it to sustain my daily allowance so that my whole salary can go to my family. I also tried to go back to school sometime, but odds were not in my favor. It is prioritizing necessities first before anything else because I have mouths to feed. Then eventually, with hard work, faith, and prayer, my life became better. I got better opportunities. I secured a better job and it became my stepping stone.

I remember one time, I read a random quote that says, if I was born poor, it is not my fault. But if I die poor, it is my fault. Ever since it was always for the family and never thought of myself. What would my life be when I get old? Am I ready? When will I be ready? Then I realized that maybe, it is time for a change and somehow give myself a time also to grow. I realized that I don’t want to be financially dependent when I am old. That would probably be the reason why I became a financial advisor now. Financial literacy is not something that our country is giving attention to. We are accustomed to the culture of helping our family to the point of teaching them to be dependent. I understand that we Filipinos are very family-oriented that we wanted to always look on our families all the time. But I realized that, before helping them, I should help myself first.

For people who share the same sentiments as mine, I want to share with you guys the things I did to be financially prepared for life’s uncertainties most especially in this trying time. It is a long process that requires motivation, consistency, and discipline but believe me it is all going to be worth it.

1. INVEST ON LEARNING - Since I was a high school graduate, it took time for me to get myself to college juggling work and studies and at the same time. Do not pity, instead, help yourself to go back in track so that you will not be left behind. Also, attend trainings, seminars and short courses that will help you gain knowledge and improve your skills. This can help you find a better job with better compensation or can help you build a business. They say, no one will help you except yourself. Always surround yourself with positive and motivated people, it will help you to push and do more.

2. Get insurance - I never thought that this intangible product can be helpful in reaching a long term goal. We as the breadwinners should also have income protection. If your car/gadget or house has insurance, why haven’t you, right? It will cover the unexpected happenings in our life like sickness and accidents. In my case, I do not want to burden my family since they have little for themselves. I got insurance with life coverage of 2M and 1M for critical illness if ever I would be diagnosed with covered illnesses including stroke. It is in our bloodline since it is the cause of my father’s death so I might as well prepare for it. Besides, I don't have a hefty amount of cash as such if in case I will be needing it for hospitalization. If my time comes, I will not have to worry about how my family will pay for the debts that I would be leaving them.

3. Invest in stock market – Buy shares from big companies. Invest in the stock market. It will help with your short term goal or in time emergencies. It does not need to be a huge amount. Some insurance companies offer life insurance and investment in one, better talk to a licensed financial advisor. As for me, I started my investment 2 years ago with a manageable amount and consistently paying for it. The amount blossomed not that much but fair enough compared with the time frame. It is as if you are part of the business but someone else is managing it.

4. Live within your means- it is not bad to have leisure and buy something you want, we only live once. But always know your boundaries or up to what percentage of your earnings are you willing to spend. Every time we plan for a vacation with family, I plan it months before so that I can have enough time to save while not having to rip my pocket. I list down for budgeting and always look for sale. I don’t buy expensive things, I am a fan of “tiangge”. Being affordable does not mean being cheap, it is being practical.

5. Build personal savings- at least set aside an amount that you can manage to keep for a long time and will not use it for something unnecessary. It is ideal to have an equivalent to a 6-month salary for savings. But don’t get rush, you’ll get there. It will be helpful in case of an emergency like this pandemic COVIOD-19. You will not have to worry about tomorrow because you have enough cash ready that can sustain you longer and will not only rely on the government's help.

6. List down expenses- List down all your priority bills so that you won’t skip it. Write down all your expenses especially for someone like me who is always forgetful. It will help you backtrack records and the money you spent.

So there! These are the things I did and still doing now. Being financially ready does not mean you need to be rich. It is being worry less for things that most people bother about. It is waking up every day knowing that you have at least the resources you need to secure yourself in times of need. I hope you guys learned something that will be helpful for you in some ways.

Thanks for reading! :)

[artificialqueens]

They Don't Love You Like I Love You 3/? (katlaska) - kamylove

AN - New chapters are always uploaded to AO3 sooner than they are here, if you want to read ahead. On AO3 it’s up to chapter 10.

“There is absolutely no factual or metaphorical fucking going on.” Not yet, anyway. Or, Katya and Alaska take the slow train.

They text a lot over the next few weeks, facetime a couple times, even manage to meet for a quick lunch when their schedules coincide for one day in LA. Then Alaska’s off to Brazil, and Katya’s off to Miami. Then there’s Mexico City, and San Diego; and Tallahassee, and Nashville, and Atlanta.

Katya sends Alaska selfies in front of dumpsters, and long strings of emojis that probably make perfect sense to Katya.

Alaska sends pictures of every hotel room she stays in, PDFs of hideous crochet patterns she finds online, menus whenever she comes across a new vegetarian restaurant.

Katya texts things in Russian that Alaska has to look up on Google Translate, things like, “Ma'am, your car is fully automatic,” and “This box is full of squirrels, please exchange it immediately,” and “The darker the night, the brighter the stars,” which Alaska thinks is much less ridiculous and also vaguely familiar.

Alaska texts back, “I can see the sun, but even if I can’t see the sun, I know that it exists. And to know that the sun is there–that is living,” which, Katya thinks, is very much taken out of context, but perfect anyway.

Katya sends a wall of Cyrillic text that turns out to be an operator’s manual for a tractor from the 1940’s. Alaska retaliates with the longest, dullest article she can find on the chemical composition of various shades of house paint, google translated into Greek. She follows it up with every single vegetable, fruit, and livestock emoji on her phone.

There are traffic updates from whatever city they’re in and from cities they’ve never been to: Minsk, Cairo, Montevideo; Kyoto when they’re sharing sushi on facetime and Zurich when they’re sharing chocolate. There are video game sessions from across oceans. There are updates on their friends’ lives. <i>(“Not to be called gossip,” Alaska says.)</i> There are frantic text discussions about new songs to use on stage, facetimes about clothes and wigs and makeup, conversations after almost every show.

There’s brainstorming about new material, despair over politics and joy over good days and commiseration over bad ones. There are frank conversations about being sober in an industry that almost requires the opposite.

There are wakeup calls and reminder texts and inspiration when genius is on the tip of a tongue. Katya gets used to going to sleep with a smile on her face after phone conversations. Alaska gets used to finding dozens of increasingly silly texts sent while she was asleep.

There are words, and the words are endless.

<><><>

This, Alaska thinks, must just be what happens when you’re friends with Katya. It’ll be a long time before she starts to suspect otherwise.

<i>(“Hell, no,” Trixie will say. “If she texted me every other second I’d lose my entire damn mind.”)</i>

Through it all, Alaska’s careful to keep it off social media; she never mentions Katya on Instagram or Twitter, only likes a judicious number of her tweets, and she’s not sure why. But she figures out soon enough that Katya’s doing the same.

It’s delicate, Alaska thinks, whatever it is that they have. It’s too delicate to be exposed to the light.

<><><>

Katya sends entire scenes of Moliere in French; Alaska tells her to fuck off and texts the entire last act of Timon of Athens.

Alaska quotes The Boys in the Band; Katya quotes The Normal Heart.

Katya quotes Tennessee Williams; Alaska quotes Eugene O'Neill.

Alaska quotes Twelfth Night; Katya says that’s just too easy and quotes Tamburlaine the Great.

<><><>

“Trixie says you’re a positive influence on me,” Katya says one night on facetime.

Alaska is actually at home, for a whole 36 hours. She was re-packing until Katya called, and now she’s sprawled on her couch. She raises an eyebrow, because she suspects there’s a punchline coming. “Trixie said that?”

“Yes, because you’re keeping me out of her hair. Which she thanks you for, by the way.”

“My pleasure. I think,” Alaska says.

“Also,” Katya says, “she doesn’t know how crazy you are.”

“All part of my evil plan,” Alaska says. “Mwahahaha.”

“See?” Katya says. “Crazy.” She’s in Edmonton, finishing dinner and winding down after a show. She tilts her head thoughtfully. “You do have that miraculous gift for looking effortless and unbothered and unsweaty. Nobody has any idea what goes on in that pretty, horse shaped head.”

“That’s because I don’t tell them,” Alaska says. “Also part of my evil plan.

"Yes, because you, unlike me, have common sense,” Katya says. “But here’s the thing.”

“Yes, Katya, please tell me about the thing,” Alaska says, grinning.

Katya tosses a wadded-up napkin at her phone screen. “The thing is,” she says, “it’s a little known scientific fact that you and I have the exact same number of brain squirrels.”

This is not news to Alaska, and she doubts Katya’s just figured it out, either. “Please continue with your theory, Dr. Zamolodchikova,” Alaska says.

“See, they’re just different breeds of brain squirrel,” Katya says. “Mine are those New York squirrels that will steal a sandwich and your Honda, and yours are the cute, polite, red ones they have in England. Scientific fact!”

“Absolute scientific truth,” Alaska says.

“Also, you keep yours penned in the basement and trained to use kitty litter, while mine run loose and shit everywhere and attack passing motorists. Free range brain squirrels.”

“Free range, Honda driving brain squirrels,” Alaska says very seriously. “It all makes sense now.”

“Doesn’t it?”

<><><>

The second night they share a hotel room is an accident.

They haven’t seen each other in a while; Katya’s flight is late and she gets into town just in time for the show. Afterwards they start talking, and laughing, and Katya doesn’t even notice she’s following Alaska up to her room until they’ve already been there for twenty minutes.

It’s four in the morning and Alaska shrugs and says, “My flight’s at eight, you might as well stay. You want half of this sandwich?”

Katya says yes, and they still have so much to say that she doesn’t even think about leaving.

<><><>

After that, it’s weeks before they’re in the same place at the same time, and that place is Key West, the weekend of the Great Conch Republic Drag Race.

They’re not judging this time, just performing down the street with a few other girls. The organizers invite them all to attend in drag, but Katya says, “It’s their day,” and Alaska says, “Not ours.” So they go as boys, wearing baseball caps and the most cis straight t-shirts they can buy for each other.

<i>(Katya’s t-shirt says “God’s gift to women;” Alaska’s says “No gay man would wear a shirt this ugly.” “Those are the straightest things you could find?” Roxxxy says.)</i>

They stay on the edge of the crowd, cheering gamely, speaking sotto voce when they need to speak. In Key West, gay famous is bigger than regular famous, but they’re only recognized once.

After their show is over, they slip out to the beach with their makeup still on and write Alaska catchphrases in the sand, by the light of Katya’s phone.

<><><>

<b>Text from Katya:</b> starfish

<b>Text from Alaska:</b> long division

<b>Alaska:</b> amoeba

<b>Katya:</b> shovel

<b>Alaska:</b> rogue

<b>Katya:</b> chickens

<b>Katya:</b> eclipse

<b>Alaska:</b> chickens

<b>Katya:</b> No. There are rules.

<><><>

Katya sends mp3s of lip sync songs she knows Alaska hates; Alaska sends mp3s of the two lip syncs she won against Katya.

“Fuck you and your lip sync licking ways,” Katya texts. “I’m not talking to you for at least 10 minutes.”

So Alaska sends “Roar” and “Step It Up,” too, and Katya ups it to twenty minutes.

She only makes it to fifteen.

<><><>

“Tell me another ghost story,” Alaska says over over, late at night, on facetime. She likes the way Katya’s eyes light up when she asks.

<><><>

“You up?” Katya’s text says. “Can I call?”

Alaska’s had her phone set to accept all calls from Katya at all hours for weeks, and she’s pretty sure Katya knows that. “Of course you can,” she texts back. “You don’t have to ask.”

The phone rings almost immediately.

“Hey,” Alaska says. “You okay?”

She can hear Katya sucking on a cigarette. “Squirrels, treadmill, brain,” Katya says.

“Shit, I’m sorry,” Alaska says, her heart racing with scary what ifs. “Do you want to use?”

“A little. But I’m not going to. It’s the effect, not the cause.”

“Okay, that’s good. Do you,” and she’s not sure where to go, so she asks. “I don’t know what works for you. Should I try to distract you, or do you want to tell me about the squirrels?”

“Just talk,” Katya says on an exhale. “You. Just talk.”

So Alaska does, for hours. She thinks about what she wants to hear, on days when the anxiety takes over. She tells Katya about her day, about the books she’s been reading, about the weather, about every single thing in her luggage on this trip. She tells her the dumbest jokes she knows. She recites scenes from Golden Girls and the words to songs she knows Katya hates.

At some point, Katya starts interjecting dumb jokes of her own. And then the jokes get better, which is when Alaska starts to think it might be okay.

Before she knows it, the sun is coming up between the curtains she never pulled the night before, and Katya is yawning.

“Do you think you can sleep now?” Alaska asks quietly. Her heart feels very full.

“I think so,” Katya says.

“Then sleep. I’m here. Call me if you need me.”

Alaska thinks she hears “I always need you,” muttered under Katya’s breath, but she’s probably imagining it.

“I wish I was there,” Alaska says. She hears a long sigh in response.

“Me too,” Katya says.

“Do you want me to stay on the phone until you drift off?” Alaska asks.

Katya makes a low noise in the back of her throat. “That would be lovely.”

“Sleep,” Alaska says, and it’s not long before she hears Katya’s breaths start to slow and even out. Still, she waits another ten minutes before whispering, “Katya?”

When she gets no answer, she sighs in relief. But she turns off the microphone on her phone and leaves the call connected, for a long, long time.

[the-poutine-routine]

Hello, coach-change anon again:) Turns out I don't have just two questions. Here goes: 1) What's the implication of Carreira/Ponomarenko moving up to seniors? Competitive pool outlook? 2) What's the implication of the Knierim going to be coached by Aljona Savchenko? Your thoughts about her going into coaching? 3) Original source for Scott's "Umbrellas" quote? The "naive kids..." one :) 4) What program was that Scott referenced in the show, the "a lot of passion/what were parents thinking" THANKS

This was another doozy of a reply, and for that I apologize. But I pretty much just try to answer all the questions above. Prettyyyyy fun stuffff :))) #I’m getting worse at this #CLICKBAIT stuff.  

Hi again coach change anon! (finally, sorry for the hold up)

I’m just going to go through your questions in order because I feel like that’s easiest for both of us :)

Ok so Christina and Anthony, my sweet sweet children (who aren’t that much younger than me, so I’m just making this weird now). I am super proud of them and think that they are totally ready to move up to senior. They are still somewhat young, but given their accomplishments from this past season, I feel like moving up to senior’s probably a better choice than just sitting around in junior and being almost guaranteed to win everything. HOWEVER, this doesn’t mean that it’s going to be a smooth ride to the top for them. The US ice dance field is very deep, and has been for at least the past 10 years. Even with the shibs taking a season off, we already have our top 3 teams: JLB and KHaw, Bock, and HD, all of whom are training at the same rink with the same coaches, so it will be interesting to see how that plays out. (quick tangent, but I sort of thought Madi and Evan were going to retire which would have opened up another top US dance spot, but I was wrong. Womp womp.) Furthermore, there are the teams who moved up to senior more recently (the Parsons, Carpenter and McNamara) who are pretty much just chilling and waiting for the already established teams to retire so that they can grab those top spots. Although it’s great that the US consistently has such excellent ice dance teams, this kind of creates a traffic jam of sorts that can be stunting to the development of the newer seniors. For example, if we look at Kaitlin and Jean Luc, they have been skating together for a little while and have been consistently in that 4th/5th place spot among the US teams for several years now. Although they are an absolutely fantastic team (I got to see them live about a month ago, that Austin Powers program was very high quality. A+.), by the time they have gotten to the place that they are now of being this “great new up and coming team”, they are already the same ages as the top teams from other countries like Papadakis and Cizeron. To make a long story short, although I am very excited for Christina and Anthony to be making this next step in their career, I also am a little nervous that they will get stuck waiting for the older teams to retire before they can move to the top. On the bright side, however, it seems that these two already have a bit more stacked résumé as well as a pretty loyal fan base as juniors, than many of the other up-and-coming US teams. I think that many people (including myself) see a lot of potential in them, and given the right amount of training and dedication, I fully believe that they may be able to surpass many of the other US teams who are already competing at the senior level. BUT, these are all just my takes and opinions, and I in no way am going to claim that I am an all-knowing ice dance god, or that I can predict the future of the sport. So really we’ll just have to wait and see how things play out.

I’m going to preface this by saying that I’m really not a huge pairs person. That being said, sure I’m supportive of the coaching change. I honestly did think that the Knierims were going to retire this year. Watching them skate, Chris especially kind of looked like he was ready to be done. Hopefully Aljona will maybe be able to restore some of that energy and passion for the sport into their skating (but again, I don’t really know all that much about them so I could be completely off base). I think a natural next step for a lot of skaters is to begin coaching. I’m happy that Aljona is choosing to stick around and contribute to the sport especially considered what a legendary pairs skater she is. I think it might actually be beneficial to all parties involved that Aljona won’t be taking any time off before jumping into coaching (although for god’s sake the girl at least deserves a nap or something) as she will have a very current take on how the sport works - simply from having competed just last season - which is not an advantage that all coaches have. 

So that quote as said by Scottifer…“We were seventeen and nineteen at the time, so it was easy for us to portray these characters because it was sort of what we were: naïve kids who could fall in love.”…is on page 90 of their book (yes, I looked it up, I actually have a terrible memory for this sort of thing). I, unfortunately do not the own the book, but google books does! And it can be found here. 

After a bit of research, I actually couldn’t find any information about the program itself. I know that it was the free dance from the 2002-2003 season, that it was their first year competing at junior, and that they got 7th at nationals. However, because (I think???), they didn’t compete internationally, there is pretty much no information on the program itself, nor could I find any videos (sorry).If you do want to see the clip from the show with Scott talking about the photo, you can find the link to the episode here. The entire costume fitting clip starts at about 18:10, and includes some other favorites such as “KAPOW” (at 19:00). The actual “That’s a lot of passion…” quote is at about 18:30.

Sorry I couldn’t be 100% helpful for all of your questions, but nonetheless, YOU’RE WELCOME. And thank you for valuing my ranting enough to continue coming back, anon!

:)

[kmclaude]

Hi Father Claude! (If it's okay to call you that?)This is going to sound silly, especially since we don't really know each other, but I've followed you for a while and you seem to be pretty versed in art-for-hire, I was wondering if you could help me out? Someone messaged me (across several accounts on different sites) about an artwork of one of my OCs asking if they could use it for a logo. I said no but I'd be happy to work on a commission for them -- how do I determine what a fair rate is?

2- I don't really do art for a living, just a hobby (I know it sounds cheap when I put it like that...) so I don't want to shoot myself in the foot, particularly since by the sounds of it this person wanted to use this for branding purposes and that's pretty major. I'm both a little flattered and a little overwhelmed, so...you know, how would you negotiate something like this? How would you determine an acceptable rate (either hourly or a flat fee? I'm not sure which is better)?- Sorry for taking up 3 asks for 1 question but you seem like you have experience with this, and I'm used to deferring to experts for matters I don't know much about! Any advice you could give would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!

Yeah sure and oh that is tough! So you got someone who needs a brand logo and you wanna know what rate to quote him at, yeah? First, congrats! Second, well I don’t know too too much about logos and other specifics of graphic design branding freelancing as I didn’t go that route professionally but I have done book covers, illustrations, and comic work so I guess I’ll speak from that. Please note that I don’t do this full time or even much part time (though I might soon enough if I return to school fulltime) so this is a tad laid back in nature. Someone who does this professionally might be better equipped to talk about this.

If I were in your shoes, the first thing I’d do would ask about his budget -- what’s his budget and what is he willing to work within? You ever hear the phrase “the first person who mentions price loses?” Yeah, so find out where his budget is. Next, compare that budget to both the industry standard for the product (which’ll take some googling or asking around) and to what you’d be willing to charge (which should be based on a mixture of living wage, time it will take to complete, skill, supplies, and other). For the record you can also be doing that step while you send off the “hey what’s your budget” email because it’s always good to have that in mind. If he asks your rates first a decent response is always “well that changes based on what you want and the complexity of the design; a budget would best help me figure out a logo solution that won’t break the bank” or something.

 If the budget looks doable, I’ll give him my quote for the project and my terms and if he agrees to them then I’ll write up a contract. I’ve often based my contracts off of the ones on Art Pact which offer free templates. Contract time is where all the negotiation begins and you can stipulate price, whether the client will cover Paypal fees, when you’ll get it done by, and so on and so forth. It’s always good to have a contract because if you’re not working as part of a firm or whatever the contract is a way to CYOA (hell even my boss and I signed and informal contract and when I send them invoices I always specify that such and such fee is there “as discussed in our correspondence” or somesuch just to, again, CYOA. 

So for example, if someone came up to me and wanted a logo done for let’s say their startup coding company -- nothing fancy, just a name in perhaps a decorative fashion, easily applicable to say a website or an invoice -- then first I’d write them back asking for their budget and maybe a little info on what they need it for, what their plans are, etc. You don’t wanna be charging pennies for the next Warner Bros. logo, y’know?

Then while waiting, I’d research the industry standard for logo designs -- what’s the general rate, what are people asking, what are newbie freelancers asking, what’s the range, what should I be charging? I’m lucky in that my best friend works in a print shop and does logo design so in theory I can ask her but let’s say she’s at church and I need an answer before Communion, so I’m gonna google “industry standard logo design”. Deluxe Corporation gives a few figures and an idea of what you’re paying for and why but no less than $200 seems to be the oft quoted number. So the industry standard is at least $200.00 USD. 

Now the question is what’s my standard? Well I refuse to work for under $15/hour minimum, I have over a decade of doing art in a public sphere, longer still of doing art in general, and about 7 or so years on and off of doing art for pay and in all that time I’ve become familiar enough with some programs, have a handful of resources font-wise and other, and can also work super fast. General experience and speed will up my price because its taken years to get there. The downside is I’m the least knowledgeable at a vector program like illustrator and I don’t have as many resources at my fingertips that a professional graphic designer would nor the dedicated training of one. Those drawbacks will lower my price. The professionality of the piece also matters -- this is branding for a company not someone’s Sonic OC that they’re gonna get framed but will otherwise not see much of the public sphere so it’s gonna cost more, obviously.

Side note: I mention $15/hour minimum but when I give out quotes, I never quote as $/hour but rather a roundabout flatrate. That’s because in general I know about how long it takes me here or there to complete a certain type of work because most clients like a general rate. In fact a lot of times I charge a LOT per hour because while I get a lot DONE in an hour/it doesn’t take me many hours to do, it’s taken me over a decade or so of work to get to the point where I can DO, say, a whole comic page from sketch to final word balloons in 5 hours or so if need be. So keep in mind that the length of time it takes to do something isn’t all there is to the price or value of a thing! This is a good blog post of tips for setting rates btw -- it also covers that tricky realm of $/hour versus flatrate!   Essentially, your flat rate is based off what you’d consider your hourly fee + wiggle room and managed for an assumed time of work done and correspondence and all those other experiential variables. If nothing else, there’s taking the 8 hour work day and multiplying that by an hourly fee. You may not TAKE a full 8 hour day to do it but that gives you a baseline of sorts if you’re totally lost. Again, most clients like a flat rate -- they know what the total pricetag is at the get-go -- and it can be to your benefit (though like that article mentions you can also find yourself doing hours of work that results in you having worked for less than minimum wage.)

Anyway, all those things in mind give me a price idea and help me out when the client emails me back with his budget because if he comes back nowhere NEAR either the industry standard or what I’m willing to work with, the decision’s made for me. If he comes back close to let’s say the industry standard of $200 -- let’s say $190 -- and I’m wanting closer to $250 because I’m doing this outta my free time but I recognize I have limitations and am willing to meet him halfway then I may be willing to say “hey, I understand budgets can be tight, but for what you’re asking I’d have to charge a bit more” and maybe raise him say $240, basically the haggle process. Which is its own art because you want the business but you don’t wanna screw yourself and have it be more trouble than its worth but it at least helps to have an idea of what industry-wise you deserve and also what you personally are willing to work for.

IDK I hope that doesn’t suck. If I were good at running a business as a freelancer I probably wouldn’t work my crummy exhausting dayjob and could actually afford my stupid dumb top surgery and obviously neither of those things are true SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO take everything I say with a grain of salt. That’s just how I do things and TBH it’s a flexible process.

[perpetually-jungshook]

what is your writing process like? how long does it take you to develop the story-line and to actually sit down and write? i have some cute Namjoon fic ideas, but i don't want to start something and then fizzle out part way through....how do you maintain your motivation? ❤️the Ji to your Hope anon ❤️

This is going to be a really long answer, so I’m going to cut it with a “Keep Reading.” If you have any problem seeing the part below, please let me know and I can make other arrangements 😊

ALRIGHT. So first things first, I apologize in advance if I sound pretentious. At all. It’s definitely not my intention. The following comes from a place of my passion for writing and I hope that whatever meaning you derive from it can help in your own journey of literary exploration! 

Now, as you probably know, I’m an English major working on an emphasis in creative writing. I’ve taken a few creative writing courses and have bumped elbows with a lot of brilliant writers. Below I will compile an answer based off of my experience in those classes mixed with my opinion. If you would like an elaboration on any part, please let me know and I will be more than happy to explain.

1) my writing process

Honestly? All of my life, I’ve kind of just started writing. This doesn’t seem like very helpful advice, so let me explain 😂 Once you find a source of inspiration, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant, don’t throw it away. You never know what kind of story it will blossom into. For example, it could be something as interesting as the night out that lead to my story “Deep Down, Inside” or something as simple as, say, frustration at how good a person looks when they’re a strawberry blond so gosh darn it now you’re writing a whole entire series about it and people seem to like it for whatever reason and what the HELL it’s now like the most popular thing on your blog- but yeah. Catalogue things that inspire you even if only in bullet points in a list on your phone 😄

STEP 2) after finding your inspiration. Start writing. It’s just that simple. You can always delete or edit an introduction later. If you’re interested in quick “getting started on a story” tips, just ask! And once you start writing, don’t stop. In the words of Ron Carlson, “don’t leave the room” literally or figuratively. You’ll want to look up names, definitions, get a cup of coffee, etc. DON’T DO IT! Those can be done later 😉 Often times our biggest weakness when it comes to writing is DISTRACTIONS. The more you leave, the less you’re writing. And the less time you spend writing, the harder it’ll be to remember your inventory (a word that will be elaborated upon later).

Now, this all stems from my belief that the writer should not force a narrative to go somewhere. Essentially, the author should have a conversation with their story, not guide or corral it. This allows for genuine character development and interesting, unexpected plot twists (ironic, I know, but you have to admit that in some stories, certain “plot twists” are completely expected). I will elaborate on this more momentarily.

Essentially, my writing process is: after finding something inspiring, I open up a document and start typing. Then keep typing. Don’t edit. You’re not there to be an editor. You’re there to write. Everything else comes later.

2) How long does it take me to develop the story line and to actually sit down and write?

Well... my life is kind of sad in such a way that I cannot live without writing. I go through literal withdrawals and depressions. I approach it like an art, like a part of myself. It may sound dramatic and it totally is, but words just burn me until they get out of my head. So it’s relatively, ridiculously easy in a way that’s really unfair when I’m giving advice for me to have ideas. It’s almost a detriment 😅 To answer the question directly, personally, I have two approaches to planning a story line. 

1) I have no idea what the heck I’m doing and I write only what the story seems to want (see Goldilocks). This allows for more genuine characters as I let them speak instead of me speaking for them. Their dialogue, in my mind, becomes the words of a real person with real dreams and real aspirations and real motives (yes, I say this word addressing its negative connotations too). This option also makes writing a lot more fun for you as the author! 😄 why? Because every surprise for the reader is also a surprise for you~

2) The second option, my only other approach because I am a pendulum person, is elaborately planning out the plot (see Without You: Bloodstone). This can often be exhausting and intricate, obviously taking a lot of time and effort on your part to make sure every little detail matters. I do not recommend this for people who want to write casually/sensationally/shallowly for lack of better word. I’m not saying that these are any worse or less nor greater or better than deep, rhetorical writing 😊 it’s like different tastes in foods~ we each lean a certain way and it’s good to dabble in the other style every so often but let’s not kill ourselves over it, yeah?? (sensational vs. rhetorical readers/writers- a term I came up with- is a whole different conversation). ANYWAY! Bloodstone, as my primary example, took me a week in total to brainstorm. At least... the general lore stuff. The plot itself mostly stays true to my “making it up as I go along” motto, just with a few set plot points as guides. Essentially, I build the world my characters live in, give them a problem to solve, and then let them solve it on their own terms instead of mine.

Hopefully that makes sense? 😂 obviously, these are not the only two approaches and they are on a spectrum. I highly recom”mend you find a place on it that’s comfortable for you 💖

3) how do I maintain motivation?

Again, writing to me is an art. It’s something that I have to do in order to be a happy, functioning human being. So my answer might be a little unfair... and I apologize for that. I’ll thus try to approach the question objectively.

First, I’ll pull back what I said earlier, “Essentially, the author should have a conversation with their story, not guide or corral it...This option also makes writing a lot more fun for you as the author! 😄 why? Because every surprise for the reader is also a surprise for you~” 

If you’re having fun while writing, it’s a lot easier to keep writing, no? If you know exactly what’s going on at all times, it gets boring. If it’s already panned out in your imagination, why write it at all? To get notes? I will always be an advocate of “write for yourself first and foremost.” This also makes the story more enjoyable for you. 

Second, I’m going to address the dreaded writer’s block. A lot of people will say “set the story aside and come back to it later.” To that, I retort with, “No don’t you dare do that because you and I both know you’ll probably never pick it up again.” STAY IN THE ROOM (to quote Ron Carlson). I believe that one of the biggest causes of writer’s block is not knowing where to go. This is a fair observation, yes? Your brain basically says “yup. This story has reached a dead end” and “dead end” translates to “conclusion,” a rather frustrating imaginary/subconscious “the end” even if you feel like you still have more plot points to reach.

But Kay, what do I do to get myself out of this?

If you want to save your story, it’s time to do some editing! Well, okay, maybe not editing, but rereading. You need to take an inventory. Key word, remember it. INVENTORY. This is a literal list of physical objects, characters, and plot points/loose ends. If you write on the fly, there will sometimes be items that appear. You’ll have no idea why they’re there. A lanyard, a book, something as random as a spatula? Sure. If it appears in your story it might be useful later. These are physical objects that your brain can attach to and can move around in your story’s world. Maybe that lanyard thrown so haphazardly into a physical description of the love interest’s backpack becomes a telltale sign that it was them that left that anonymous love letter in your protagonist’s desk because it’s now wrapped up inside. Maybe that book you mentioned when describing the setting turns out to belong to your protagonist’s grandfather and helps them figure out the mysterious anagram that had been left in a dusty diary found in the attic. Maybe that spatula so casually used to make brownies during an interview turns out to be the murder weapon. YOU NEVER KNOW.

I’m going to lump characters and plot points/loose ends together simply because I feel like this is getting hella long (whoops). Personally, I’ve learned how to notice loose ends while I’m writing and will keep a bulleted list of questions or things to be resolved at the end of the document so that I can see it while I’m writing. This lengthy list will often have character names and important traits/facts as well (example: did you mention an age? a day of the week? a season? Did your character ever text back that one dude?). And if you feel like you’re missing something or running low, go back and reread. Your inventory can always increase. 

This list will be a lifeline when stuck with writer’s block. You need to resolve SOME of these issues that are now (thank GOODNESS) explicitly listed right in front of you. Even if it doesn’t feel like you’re moving along to your next planned plot point, who cares? 😄 Maybe your story doesn’t want to go there!

And in the end, it is my belief that your story will sound more genuine, more real if you let it speak to you.

I hope this helped! And I look forward to being able to see your fic 😊 keep me posted on how it’s going and if you need any help brainstorming or just want to discuss creative writing in general, I am always down for that.

Much love ~🐰 xx

[domliddle]

Potentially Great Albums. Eric B & Rakim - Follow the Leader

"Follow The Leader", Eric B & Rakim's 1988 second coming, is not a good album.

The duo had four albums before they went their separate ways - while most agree that "Paid in Full" was their magnum opus, from there it gets a bit more difficult. The other three have their own great parts, and their own flaws. Both "Let the Rhythm Hit 'Em" (1990) and "Don't Sweat The Technique" (1992) had broad underlying themes both musically and lyrically. They were demonstrably different from the duo's other works, and polar opposites of each other; there was a sense of artistic development in both cases without sacrificing their own consistency.

Therefore, Follow The Leader is recognisable as somewhat of a transitional album, sitting comfortably between the duo's debut and the more mysterious yet aggressive "Let the Rhythm Hit 'Em".

So why is it still loved, even quoted by some as an improvement on Paid in Full?

As it starts with the title track (Follow the Leader, obviously), it's plain to see that they are both in their prime; the beat is magnificent and perfectly fits Rakim's umpteen brilliant lines. This is where any doubts were dispelled. From there, we go straight into "Microphone Fiend"; a brilliant song that caters perfectly to Rakim's lyrical strengths. It employs a broad theme that allows him to deviate from braggadocio and metaphor into something more, without seeming forced. The beat is also perfect, different to the opener and employing a rhythm that allows Rakim to twist his words around it in different ways. "Lyrics of Fury" is the third track in a row to be one of their most praised; a raw, simple breakbeat that Rakim destroys.

So what's the problem? Well, from here, it falls off a cliff.

"Eric B. Never Scared" is nothing out of the ordinary. A good DJ interlude over a good beat. The problem is that it's over 5 minutes long - aside from the title track, the longest of the lot. Eric B's showcases are, at first, an important part of he and Rakim's albums. However, the track becomes repetitive at, if I'm being generous, 3 minutes in.

It gets worse though. I would contend that "Just a Beat" is the absolute worst song across the duo's entire work. It is simply Eric B, warped voice and all for some reason, talking nonsense before a nice beat comes in. His warped voice then reminds you that it's "a beat", in case you hadn't worked that out, and continues to do so throughout the whole thing. Thankfully, it's a bit shorter than the previous one.

"Put Your Hands Together" is strange. It begins with a minute-long piano piece - one that is actually great, but at odds with the rest of the album, and serves to needlessly drag the song out. When the actual thing starts, it's good - nothing surprising, simply Rakim rhyming over a good, stripped-down funky beat about how great he is in front of a crowd.

"To The Listeners" begins with a pretty awful beat, and someone whispering repeatedly about how it's "To The Listeners" and not the people smelling or tasting the album. Rakim's alright on this, but nothing more. In fact, he sometimes sounds off-beat, and raps too slowly to mesh with it.

"No Competition" is a good song. Not bad at all, and more braggadocio over a faster beat that sounds like Follow the Leader's little brother. "The R" is a song that I've never got - apparently ghost-produced by Mark the 45 King, so expectations are high. It's not bad, but clashes musically with the rest of the album, and Rakim himself. Compared to how raw the rest of the beats sound, it almost dominates the song - not catering to Rakim's strengths.

"Musical Massacre" is also great - probably the best of the lot aside from the opening 3 tracks. There's no unique theme lyrically, and the beat is fast and raw - fitting with much of the album's high points.

The ending is what saves the album. Actually, no it's not - it's the instrumental version of the worst beat on the album, appropriately titled "Beats for the Listeners". I wouldn't even have this as a bonus track.

So, judging from the above, not a great album. But I believe something great could have been made from what's there. So let's rearrange things.

Other opinions are available.

1: To The Listeners - cut down

I have to include this song. Therefore, let's begin by cutting the opening loop (and whispering) down - it's not really a song that needs to showcase the beat. Have one 4-bar loop, before Rakim comes in, and one verse - perhaps the actual opening one, or picking at lines that suit a broad, introductory song. Either way, as a stripped-down, slow interlude of a song, it's better placed to open the album.

2: The R - Extended Remix - cut down

Like I said, "The R" wasn't my favourite song on the album. However, I believe the 45 King's extended remix is a perfect opener after the intro. Strip down the opening part a bit, and cut straight after the "what happened to peace?" sample, and you have a good song. The rest of it can come later...

3: Musical Massacre

My main problem with "Follow the Leader" is that it promises so much - I don't think I've ever seen an album of any genre quite so frontloaded. Therefore, "Musical Massacre" is the perfect follow-up; different to the previous vibes, switching it up without giving away the absolute best. A fast, frenetic display that shows the variety on board. I imagine this as best with "The R"'s ending sample cutting straight into this without a beat.

4: No Competition

Same principle as the previous one - great without being the best.

5: Microphone Fiend

It's now necessary to deviate from the two similarly-minded songs, and at the same time throw one of the duo's best moments in. So here it is. Perfectly placed to break up the album.

6: Put Your Hands Together - cut down

The piano bit needs to go, unfortunately. But it's a smooth song that follows "Microphone Fiend" relatively well, not being too jarring.

7: Eric B. Never Scared - cut down

Well, obviously. Cut it down to 1:30 at the absolute max, and you have an interlude to break up the album. Take it simply as that, and instead of a bad song, you have a good buffer between the previous two relatively smooth tracks and...

8: Lyrics of Fury

One of the album's three great openers. Placed perfectly to remind any of the listeners how great the duo really is, in case they'd forgotten.

9: The R - Extended Remix

Another musical interlude. I love musical interludes. "Paid in Full" was helped a great deal by how Eric B's showcases broke up Rakim's - I would argue that one isn't enough on here. Technically there are 3 musical interludes on the album, but let's forget those exist. Cut in after the first half of the song cuts - starting with "Peace!", and it serves the purpose of giving the album a start-to-end correlation. It would also need to be cut down towards the end.

10: Just a Beat - with a rapper

Picture that. Who'd put Rakim on an Eric B. beat? Ridiculous. I think the levity of the song would at least allow for a grand verse or two from Rakim, broken up with scratching on the start and end.

11: Follow the Leader

To me, this is the perfect end to the album. It's a fantastic song, but one which is best suited to a roaring conclusion. In the end, the listener's last impression becomes that of the duo at their peak. Somewhat different to the quiet fart that is "Beats for the Listeners".

Ok, I understand - creative decisions are a small part of an album's tracklist. Record companies will obviously prefer an album frontloaded with the album's prime cuts. For me to argue that the above would make a better album is not only a matter of opinion, but also entirely moot. Granted, telling the reader that the article is moot at the end is the written "Beats for the Listeners (For the Readers - lolz)". But the great album was in there - with this minor shuffle, I feel that the album stands up as well as Eric B. & Rakim's others.

Disagree? Let me know in the comments below. Oh hang on, nobody's reading this. Don't let me know, then. Keep it all bottled up until years later you go on a blind date and vent to them about how "Beats for the Listeners" is actually a masterpiece.

Bonus Rubbish

- The Piano part of "Put Your Hands Together" could potentially serve as the backbone of a great song in its own right. As long as the mixing was right (as in, not Rakim being drowned out), and the rest of the song was similarly grand, it could serve as a great centrepiece for the album.

- Another thing that "Follow the Leader" would've benefitted from is a thematic song. The duo's other albums always have at least one track that steps out of braggadocio, keeping things relatively fresh. "Paid in Full" had the title track, "Let the Rhythm Hit Em" had a few, and "Don't Sweat the Technique" had a couple. The closest one is "Microphone Fiend" - a brilliant track, obviously, but one that doesn't deviate from Rakim being a good rapper. Said theme would only need to be broad, but it would help make the album seem less dry and repetitive.

- There's a great history of labels forcing changes and cuts to a song in order to make it suitable for single release. So here's where the original version of "The R" comes in - quite mainstream, grander-sounding than the other tracks, and a good introduction to the group. If you buy it and are interested, the real version's on the album.