#this post is very dumb and long sorry i have autism | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

thurio-edau · 10 months ago

Text

SBG GANG MENTAL ANALYSIS

yup, him for part two. funny thing despite Aiden being my favourite character I'm most excited for the other three posts I'll make, especially the last one. there's a lot to unpack here so

also im writing this with a migraine pls read it-

Part 2: Aiden Clark

ah, yes. the obviously-mentally-ill from the start fan favourite Aiden Clark. let's go.

first, I want to start with something I find really important about his character, what makes him heavily mischaracterized in the fandom. the 'psychopath' cliche.

the terms 'psychopath', 'insane' and 'unstable' are often confused with each other due to media stereotypes, such as Aiden here. one, he is not a psychopath. psychopath literally means a self-centered person who lacks sympathy, affection and care; making them far from most other characters in their franchise. their lack of sympathy/empathy often makes them criminalized, here

disturbing content warning, for an example of a psychopath.

let's take Gressil from Homesick for example since a lot of SBG readers also read Homesick. so, here, Gressil is a perfect example of an actual psychopath. his lack of empathy makes him torment others, he's very self-centered. and when asked why he's doing this? he says he was bored. let's look at Aiden here. what does Aiden do when bored? probably dumb ideas or annoy Tyler. not torturing people for fun. Aiden is just a boy who likes thrills, but he has a sense of empathy, care and justice.

you wanna see a psychopathic Aiden?? the canvas is it

(our local Logan hater is publishing the canvas eps go checc beachy out)

but that's him, not our Aiden. canvas does not equal originals y'all

alright, now since we got that cleared out!! firstly, ADHD.

I think everyone in the fandom is already aware that Aiden is ADHD but I'm still going to talk about it just like Ashlyn's autism. Red has also said that she wrote Aiden with ADHD in mind but hadn't canonically confirmed anyone as neurodivergent. let's start with the main symptoms of ADHD, also known as Attention Decifit and Hyperactivity Disorder.

I know about 5 different ADHD people myself and did some research, it probably won't be extremely accurate since I'm not ADHD myself, but I'll try to do whatever I can. first with the AD part, Attention Decifit.

now as seen, he doesn't exactly have any problems with theorizing itself. but the problem is that his attention just goes away easily.

i mean cmon bro was making memes on the job

he tries to do work, but can't. he has a low attention span which makes him not able to concentrate. he can't keep it up for long, he'll get distracted or bored too easily about things that doesn't interest in specially.

it's just distracting. what his attention is on constantly changes, there's more to that after the ADHD part but we're here for now.

the hyperactivity... it's a lot more apparent. but I should explain the insane-unstable thing before that.

insane means that someone's mental health is not in an okay situation, where it prevents the person from thinking normally, acting rationally, very often found together with delusions. the person is seriously mentally ill where it might count as a disability.

unstable, however, where someone is prone to psychiatric problems, has moodswings etc. they're not exactly the most sane person, but they aren't insane either. Aiden here, obviously falls on the unstable side. maybe just a little bit insane if you squint. this will be brought up later too, but it mixed well with his hyperactivity too.

and as we all know, our boy isn't exactly the most stable person. (sorry for the collages, but since there is a tumblr picture limit i have to keep on collaging. yes i learnt from the last time) his hyperactivity mixes with his unstable mindset which makes him incresingly vulnerable to danger- which he likes. from when the first shift happened, he's been really careless about stuff but it's been all about his love for thrill.

and it irritates Tyler, too.

the main subplot about his character is that he's a person of excitement. guess what? ADHD people like the excitement, they like new things, they like the adrenaline and thrill. now, Aiden's main characteristic of being unstable mixed with ADHD makes him an even more reckless person. another thing mixing with the hyperactivity, is boundaries.

this part will mostly be about Ashlyn since the boundary issue only happens with her.

I talked about this on Ashlyn's side on my Ashlyn analysis, now it's time for Aiden's side.

he's really annoying to her at first. Ashlyn is someone with lots of boundaries, like high walls. and who tries to climb them with his dumbass? Aiden of course.

she kept rejecting his efforts to befriend her for some time, until the night they stole the jeep. then she managed to actually bring the walls down, and accept them all into her life. but damn was she blunt.

felt that honestly

and Aiden understands her that night, too.

Ashlyn was hesistant to hug him, yes, he was aware. but she still did which made him realize she was also trying. i have to tell you, people with ADHD and people with autism either have trouble getting along, or go perfectly well. my ADHD sibling for example, I have to push them away for a lot and tell them to lower their voice. but once they remember my boundaries it actually becomes a normal, even pleasant hangout. which, Aiden realizes and tries to get along with. he tries.

seeing his efforts on her boundaries makes something click in her mind. and she starts to be a lot nicer when they hang out in the arcade.

Aiden eventually learns and remembers what she's like and what she loves to do. he already tried to watch her ballet sessions once -got slammed-, he's been to her room where he remembered the mat from and her fighting makes it obvious. I'm sure he knew he'd get cooked by betting that. but he still did,

because he knew it'd interest her. which he succeeded, he saw her smile again. the arcade day went great until Barron and his gang pulled up, but if we ignore that part it all went well. Aiden started to understand and respect her boundaries.

anyways then Tyler fucking dies

he knows that Ashlyn feels guilty. Aiden wants to comfort her through it, but also do it correctly. without going over any boundaries. which makes him really,

really,

really surprised when she responds.

also including this pannel cause its hilarious

here we see that he's still trying. hell, I'm sure he spent minutes thinking if he should come close physically to help her. that's probably why he just nudged her softly before anything else. he's not used to it, he has to conciously make an effort to not cross said boundaries. keeping his voice lower, try to not be so reckless, not doing anything physically close unless she reciprocates. wow how i wish another someone i knew irl tried that hard instead of blaming it on me cOUGH COUGH COUGH

also other small things to include

he's yapping a lot

he has a comically large amount of puzzles in his backpack for one single trip

and sticks his head into lamps for some reason

but that's just Aiden and his little neurodivergent brain for ya.

now the part I wanted to get to the most.

Borderline Personality Disorder.

first, what is Borderline Personality Disorder?

shortened as BPD, borderline is when someone's mood is inconsistent and swinging. think of it's name; the person's mental state is in the border, in the border line, switching up fastly. the most easily understood and common type is when the person goes from a depression to a happy state. but no matter which state they are in and/or go to, one thing stays the same: it is unstable.

one thing about borderline is that it is frequently mixed with bipolar. however bipolar is a neurodivengercy which means it is what someone is born with and cannot be changed. but borderline is obtained later in life. it usually happens with depression. bipolar is much more random and the episodes last longer in comparison. it may last up to hours, and the person's memory might have trouble remembering their episodes. borderline, on the other hand, is a short-lived mood swing.

now here. here's the catch; people with BPD during mood swings can have reckless behaviour, suicidal thoughts -in his case as far as we know, lowered sense of protecting himself- or a loss of understanding danger. sounds familiar?

borderline's recklessness and dangerousness, sometimes self-destructive acts combines with ADHD's love for thrill and excitement, combined with Aiden's own personality all make up for a great condition of instability.

Aiden's behaviour constantly goes crazy, I think his most frequent mood swing might be his normal self (at least, as normal as he could be) to this more maniac way of acting. I noticed it from his eyes, when he's in a more calm-ish normal state his pupils are a bit more dilated. in the pictures above, you can clearly see that he's still in the episode; filled with the adrenaline, the unstable way of thinking.

but, what causes that? surely a mental illness such as borderline doesn't happen on it's own.

right?

cause it didn't.

it never works that way.

but it can get better.

eventually.

but what happened to him?

personally, as much as a large amounnt of people seems to believe it's something like family abuse I don't think so. maybe neglect, maybe withdrawal, maybe maybe. but we've seen his parents. I don't think they would hurt him like that. I can't put any more pictures, but this is the last part anyway. his parents seem to be kind and gentle, despite that picture in his house. I'm thinking the picture was only for the dramatic effect. his parents said that he used to be really calm and quiet during Lily's birthday, and both Aiden and Ben seem comfortable around them. they were happy taking Ben in too, any kind of abusive parent wouldn't do that at least that's what I believe. also there is that Aiden got serious and concerned when he learnt that their parents were also in the facility, most likely worried for his own as you would have thought.

there was a post that I've been trying to find for like half an hour, I commented on it but I can't find the post now. the person talked about their own theory. if I remember correctly it was that when Aiden was depressive as a child, his parents took him to a thrilling activity like the ones he's been talking about (bungee-jumping, skydiving etc.) and the thrill made him actually get excited. which is why his parents allowed him to go even more reckless, because they are aware of how prone their son could be to the depression.

what happened? let's ignore the parents factor. someone can have a loving family and still be traumatized, someone can be taken care of and still feel abandoned, someone can never have confronted a situation they are terrified of.

one of my theories is that, the loneliness. it must get to a child heavily considering children need to not be left alone, but Aiden was. he didn't have any actual friends since they always moved from one place to another from his parents' business, and they might have not had enough time to make for him (which I believe is bullshitting, every child deserves to be taken some time out for. some people quit their jobs entirely for their child.) and be unaware, and that doesn't change that he was still depressed and alone. his depressive state was seemingly before Ben was taken in. now here one thing with borderline, at least from my experience, is faking actions. smiles, laughs, friendships, conversations... almost as if there's two different lives; one fake, and one real. you keep on switching, you keep on swinging between the sides where you're yourself and where you're just mimicking 'normal human behaviour'.

it starts from faking a happy state during their depression, and by time you're faking it it becomes an automatic adition to your personality. to your mind. once it furthers, it becomes the disorder. Aiden we see is always smiling. it becomes a habit that only breaks sometimes. now, I'm not saying his smile is fake- I think his face is literally just stuck like that. it breaks ever so slightly sometimes. fake it till ya make it yanno? that kind of thing. and when he swings from his calm mood to his borderline-d mood, his pupils get small and his smile gets worse. noticably worse. I'll be rereading the series (AGAIN) and this time look at all the small details since Red loves putting them and I love theorizing so

which, wraps up the Aiden thing! im actually really proud of how i could put my thoughts into text which i never could. i'd love any additions because i love other opinions as well.

and you know what? im glad Ash and Ai are out of the place because the rest are what I'm actually looking forward to >:)

...and i should sleep. really.

(wow sorry yall i finished this hours ago and said 'alright reread to make sure its good before sleep' and fell asleep through it lol sorry for 4 hour delay ig)

(leaving for school rn see yall 8 hours later 🫡)

#sbg #sbgblr #sbg (webtoon)#school bus graveyard #school bus graveyard webtoon #schoolbus graveyard #aiden clark #ashlyn banner #sbg aiden #sbg ashlyn

185 notes · View notes

numberonetacostan · 1 month ago

Note

Okay so first of all- I really really liked your post about Taco’s Friendship tier list since it was so so so in character for her omg-

Tho tho, as an autistic girlie myself, I can’t help but ask, what’s your hcs on Taco being autistic ???

Like omg- I can already imagine some like her getting sensory overload from touch & like you said, vocally stimming whenever she’s nervous- but yeah- like what I’m trying to basically say is that I’m really curious on your take on it XD

Hi Loopy!!!^^ Welcome, and thank you for sending in an ask!!!! :] AND THANK YOU FOR COMPLIMENTING MY TIERLIST. IT IS MY FAVOURITE POST HENCE WHY IT'S PINNED I WORKED SO HARD ON IT!!!!! :D

Well as yet another person who does quite a bit of autism, I'm happy to answer this one!!! Very happy!!!!! I think of Taco as rather good afab autism rep!!! X) Sorry if this one sucks btw. I feel like I kind of just exploded all over this one.

DISCLAIMER: I'm not only dumb but also probably projecting hard. This is a matter of my view on the character, you can view her however you'd like! Though, if I say something incorrect or offensive, please know it is unintentional and please correct me! I am not an expert, just some guy. I am some autistic guy, but still, just some guy.

Taco is constantly masking!! I feel like this one's obvious. Chameleon behaviors, yeah? She changes how she acts based on who she's with to her advantage as well as . It also shows in how she acts with Mic and Mepad. With Mic, she's unable to be very genuine with her, even once she's accepted Mic as a friend and equal. Not only does she have trouble recognizing and dealing with her emotions, but she's so used to masking constantly that it's really hard for her to unmask in front of someone!!! She likes Mic a lot, but it's still hard for her to be herself since even she doesn't really know how to act "like herself" with someone. She never does it!!! Even with Mepad, when he gets some more of her genuine thoughts/feelings out of her, she's doing in under the guise of her persona as well as quickly trying to change the topic the second she realizes.

With masking, I think a lot of her stims whether they be vocal or physical are more subtle. She does it much much much more openly in season 1 when she's flanderizing the parts of herself she sees as weak or childish (something that can often come esp. with afab autism!!!!!), but things like fiddling with her teacup or invisibow or tapping her hands together reading to me as stimming!!! Hooray for stimming.

Limited social interaction/close friendships. Y'all Taco has had 3 friends ever. And we see that after season 1, she doesn't really care about anyone else but Pickle!! She hung out with Paper and OJ during s1 too, and was technically in an alliance with Bomb as well, but none of them matter to her. She picked her person and stuck to them! Season 2? She and Mic go from partners to friends, and Taco doesn't care about anyone else. She loses Mic, and despite that rousing Mepad had no advantage for her, and was frankly more like to be disadvantageous, she wakes him up. She's lost her social outlet yet again, and coming off of such a loss is the only time we see her reaching out to someone she doesn't have an established relationship with!!! You'd think that when she's getting reintroduced to the group in episode 17, she'd be trying to make them feel less wary of her presence from the moment the doors open, especially with how nervous she was about seeing them all for the first time in so long, yeah? But no, she stands there with a big dumb grin <3 and lets Mic talk. She knows she's supposed to be acting genuine like Mic wants her to, but does not know how to do that. Her first line once is doors open is her clarifying that she's being genuine, but beyond that? Quick topic chance to get the attention off of her and the fact that she hadn't been genuine in the past. And also!!! Taco has been living in the woods alone for years. For a lot of people, having no interaction for that long would be really difficult!! But Taco's only really ever wanted one or maybe two friends at a time!! She doesn't need to be around a lot of people, at least to the degree that other people do, so she's able to get by on her own better!!!! Like I said, only missing her one actual close friend. This goes more into how I think she wouldn't enjoy larger groups/crowds, since not only autism headcanon, but she's been alone for years!!! It would be really overwhelming for her!!!

Intense/possessive tendencies in friendships. The many letters sent to Pickle after season 1, her self-destructive streak after losing Mic in which she wants to, and I quote "burn [the game] down in Mic's image." Her watching them from outside the hotel. Those are all intense and possessive tendencies towards her friends!!!

Pedantic speech. This one is pretty obvious. She speaks very formally, so much so that even Mic questions if that's how she really talks in episode 11!!

Difficulty speaking when upset/emotional- She is silently staring at Mic the entire time they're in the void. She could be defending herself, arguing, explaining herself, but she is silent. She's gone from happy and proud to hurt and devastated in a single moment!!! That's a lot of strong emotional whiplash, that results in her going quiet! Yes I am projecting thank you for asking.

Constant analysis + Planning things carefully + Distress when plans are disrupted. It's Taco. She's always planning! She has a plan for when Knife discovers them right away! But when she doesn't have a back-up plan, and something goes wrong? You get incidents like the season 1 finale's aftermath and her shooting Fan & Test Tube in episode 14! Impulsive outbursts of violence and/or anger because it's genuinely difficult for her to deal with plans going awry, and she lashes out!! Strategically, it would have been better for her to keep acting after the s1 finale, yeah? But she's too distressed by her plan being thwarted and not having a back up plan to help her to keep up her act, and she snaps!! She didn't promise Mic she wouldn't be violent, but what she said did imply that she wouldn't use violence! And by episode 14, Taco genuinely really likes Mic, she wasn't dancing around agreeing because she was wanting to be violent against her wishes, yeah? She was trying to reassure Mic, even if she didn't actually understand why Mic was upset!!

Takes criticism/judgement very personally. After Mic cuts things off, mentioning Pickle and that she'd gained nothing by working with Taco is when we finally see Taco snap and start spiraling, expressing that she finds herself to be monstrous and defective!! Now, that's not to say that Taco didn't feel this way before, but that Mic openly judging her to be such a way really opened the flood gates for that self-loathing to overwhelm Taco as we see it does in the show, to the point in which she's uncaring of the inevitability of her own death due to her injury!!!!

Difficulty understanding/expressing her own emotions. Taco adamantly refuses to taco 'bout her own feelings, even if it's to her own detriment and the detriment of her relationships. She keeps accidentally getting attached to people, and didn't even realize until it was too late with Pickle!!! She pushes her own emotions down so hard that she herself doesn't even recognize them!! In the end, having someone like Mepad who has learned to understand their own emotions is what really helps her understand her own, and what helps us see a lot of progression from her after they meet!! She wants to apologize and reconnect with Pickle and Mic, despite her having not done so before because she had trouble understanding her own feelings on the matter!! She writes letters to Pickle, yes, but from what little we know about them and the apology she gave Pickle in the finale, it's her trying to logically explain and/or justify her actions, rather than any understanding/expressing of her own feelings. And this gets into my next point!!!

Difficulty understanding others emotions/Low empathy. I think Taco is a great depiction of a low empathy person!!!!!!!!! At least according to myself!!!! She canonically has trouble understanding other people's perspectives!!!!!!!!! It never crossed her mind that Pickle would be upset about her betrayal!! She didn't think Mic would be so upset at her over her shooting Fan and Testy in episode 14, despite having noticed that Mic was uneasy before!! She knew relatively explicitly from Mic's diary that she wanted recognition, and keep going with the assumption that that's what mattered most to Mic! She hadn't known that Mic's priorities had changed and that her moral compass was more important to her than accomplishing her goal, because that's not how it is for Taco!! She has trouble seeing things from others' points of view, even those important to her!!! She's not intentionally hurting them, it just genuinely doesn't occur to her that what she's doing will upset them!!!! It can also be seen in how Taco initially acts towards Mic as well before she starts putting effort into their relationship rather than just their partnership. She's pretty critical towards Mic for listening to her heart/emotions when making a decision, like when giving back the taser! She responds with anger to Mic's emotional distress when being given the taser in the first place, yeah? And this lack of empathy leads to problems in her relationships!!!!! Aaaaaaah, sorry, I love her as low empathy rep so much. She feels remorse once she realizes she's hurt people she cares about!! She just doesn't think about how her actions will affect them, yeah?

I'm going to cut it here since I typed a lot but maybe I'll come back to this if I have more thoughts. I once again apologize if this is bad because I think I just word vomited for over an hour. Thank you for sending in this ask though!!! I like thinking about autistic Taco.

26 notes · View notes

r1ch1e-l1psh1tz · 8 months ago

Text

“Yeah, I don’t want to though :/“

HIIIII! My name’s Michael and this is an introduction! (RE DO AHAH!!)

MY ASK BOX IS OPEN!! Feel free to ask for hcs or just talk to me!! :D

I mainly do hcs if you ask for them, other than that I fear i've been unable to really come up with some, sorry-

I’m trans masc (he/him/his), possibly gay/questioning, and asexual.

I have undiagnosed ADHD and autism.

LOOK WOAH COOL THING CLICK NEOOWWW (its my straw page tee tee)

My main hyperfixations are:

Bolded = special interest

♪★ Sharks/the ocean

This silly thing

♪★ Tornadoes

♪★ Final Destination

♪★ Starkid Productions

♪★ Horror movies

♪★ Dog Man (because I’m inevitably getting back into it)

♪★ Moral Orel

♪★ Flamingo/Albertsstuff

this silly thing

♪★ Roblox myths (specifically Grocery Gang and The Smiles Family, I'm trying to get into more :D)

But the main one I’ll mostly focus on while posting on this blog is StarKid (with occasional reblogs from other fandoms).

edit:...so this was a fucking lie. I got into other fandoms, mb. There'll be posts about a lot of fandoms.

Some tags I’ll use are:

michael rantz!?!: ranting/venting

rando shit: just random thoughts/ideas i have, out of pocket stuff basically

Then there’ll be fandom tags if a post is about a specific fandom

Random things to know:

Sometimes I can be very dumb so don’t mind me. My spelling might suck sometimes too due to me typing very quickly and not spotting errors.

I’m a huge theater nerd and I’ve been in two productions, Annie and Newsies. I’ll do more, I promise.

Out of all of the Hatchetfield shows, I love TGWDLM the most. (Paul made me question if I had autism)

I haven’t been in the Starkid fandom for very long (got into it a month after NPMD came out I believe) so I’m not the most knowledgeable about certain shows, but I’m working on finishing all of them! :)

I will rant, I will randomly post head cannons/thoughts about Hatchetfield/StarKid.

I make a lot of Hatchetfield edits on TikTok :3

Not the best at reading, so I might misread stuff, please bear with me-

That’s all! I hope you have a wonderful day!

-Michael <3

Dividers!

“This motherfuckers about to get crushed-“

26 notes · View notes

finniestoncrane · 8 months ago

Note

Just out of curiosity, does turning off anon mess with or delete the anon asks you already have? Or does it just prevent new ones? I haven't been on tumblr very long so i'm not sure how that works lol. Anyways, i'm so sorry you keep getting this horrible treatment from anons. It really sucks that people use anon as a shield to say whatever they want to whoever they want with no consequences. If it's any difference, i'm pretty confident most of them are trolls, especially the anon attacking you about autism and hating kids or whatever. Because there's no way someone could possibly be so dumb. Do whatever you have to do to eliminate that stress, and take care of yourself!!

i don't think it does at least!! i've still got all my messages and all my requests are fine too!! so it's just preventing new anonymous messages from being sent u-u i'll be turning anon back on at some point, but i just need time to recover. i need time to build up my supply of kindness and to get myself out of my little funk.

i don't care what kind of intrusive thoughts anyone has, they shouldn't be judged for them because they are unwanted compulsions and not a reflection of their character or morals. but to be very honest, the intrusive thoughts i was having the day i got a shit message about them were mostly around harming myself which i know would hurt my family, which is why i felt so shitty. and it's why i sort of spiralled a bit because i was already not in a good place. and then to get an ask the next day basically accusing me of gatekeeping autism and saying kids were terrible (i literally do not mind kids, i am ambivalent towards them at worst, at best i am excited to be an aunt) was just enough.

so sorry to hijack your ask but this is mostly to say: there are consequences, even if anonymous people think there are none!! you literally have no idea how the person behind the account is feeling. i consider myself particularly strong, i've been mentally ill for some 31 years and i'm so lucky to have a decent support system and to be able to get medication and therapy. someone else might not have fared as well as me with that kind of treatment. no one wants to be responsible for someone doing something terrible to themselves

but anyway!! i am feeling ok, i am feeling safe without the anon option for now, and i'm glad to be back to trying to post and write as normal u-u

#just replying to this one for nw because i didn't want anyone to worry about their request going missing!!#friends being friends #cw self harm

15 notes · View notes

boatemboys · 9 months ago

Note

its so silly to me (read: help no why do ppl why) go " yeah agree with marcille that man clearlyy didn't love falin jusg the idea of her that he made up in his mind" and like just trying to make it sound like toshiros lil crush was more of an insane obsession / objectification deal when he was clearly like... he didnt even fall in love like immediately. hes "weird" abt it as in he just straight up proposes and didnt actually say anythign else because hes silly like that (autism...)

like leave him be he just thought she was cool for being fine and normal about bugs (he is tha bug liker) and also thought that she was rlly nice like her voice and how she treated others... girly (toshiro) did not fall for falin just to like elope and have sexy times with her or whatever !!! 26 yr old man first crush !!! like let him live +--#+#-$! sorry for the long ask he is just the silly. living in my mind rent free

he is silly ur right........... i do kind of (key words KIND OF) get what people mean cuz like. yeah it is a little weird for a guy to ask to marry you before even a relationship. but. there is this great and wonderful thing. called CONTEXT!!!!!!!!!!! it genuinely feels like theres a collection of dunmeshi fans who actually havent read it and like it based off of panels they see posted out of context. i was scrolling thru his tag earlier and i saw someone asking does he even like bugs or was he just obsessed with falin? HE LIKES BUGS!!!!!!!!

look at him. little guy. and i think the objectification thing comes from falin boob scene probably? cuz hes staring. but its been blown like wayyy out of proportion to the point where if u werent in fandom u would think hes an acutal creep. ive said it before but i think the toudens vs toshiro is infantalized autism vs demonized autism. with falin specifically its how everyone sees her as this helpless girl and i would say making toshiros attraction to her creepy too? and then marcilles attraction cute because women are also infantalized so its not CREEPY SCARY MAN!!! its cute girl :). but this isnt about that.

i think theres also this thing about the proposal. that i havent had fully formed thoughts about. but. i think its once again a thing about looking at dunmeshi with an exclusively western lens. because YEAH from a western lens a man you arent super close with proposing to you out of nowhere. weird. but for toshiro im pretty sure thats. not entirely "normal" per se but a bit less weird for sure? HOWEVER i need to look more into things before saying anything concrete.

theres also some people who think he hated laios for the same reasons he loved falin which i think. is wrong. to some degree! i can kind of understand as i guess on a very surface level laios is like falin x100 but if u read with ur eyes actually open i do think theres more than enough differences for this to be a little dumb. idk it makes me feel actually insane we must work together to defeat all toshiro haters

#asks #mobblespsycho100 #its me and u and my one dunmeshi twitter mutual who also likes toshiro against the world #this got very out of hand. um. long #i was scrolling thru toshiros tag earlier to q things for my dailytoshiro blog and i saw a few absolutely mind numbing posts #when ur in a reading competition and ur opponent is a dunmeshi fan #ok haterisms over. baby toshiro. cutie

9 notes · View notes

1o1percentmilk · 2 years ago

Note

hi! regarding your social queues post

i feel like i'm experiencing a thing that's a bit similar to what you are dealing with down to the "I'm not autistic but this shit isn't neurotypical" thoughts (and if not, I'm really sorry for an impromptu vent just ignore all of this please and have a kitty ฅ/⁠ᐠ•⁠ﻌ⁠•⁠ᐟ⁠\ฅ)

several of my prev psychologists link it to general anxiety and social awkwardness and yeah, that sounds reasonable, but what bothers me is that idk how to improve

i tend to overthink everything I say to the point where, even though I know what a normal response should look like I can't convince myself that what I said/wrote is articulated in a way that doesn't sound dumb/conveys literally the opposite of what I'm trying to deliver. answering a message after days of silence, which actively worsens my relationships, while I fear that answering with a 'stupid' message would be even worse or agonising over a comment I'm trying to leave on someone's work because, well, I think it's neat and cool and I want the artist/author to know it, but when I start typing my words look wrong and not genuine is a constant thing and I'm tired

and yeah, the worst is comforting people. my friend feels terrible, I can clearly see that and my heart is breaking for them, but I can never find a good thing th say. irl you at least can physically be there((maybe)) but online it's a nightmare

I was always told that words should come from the heart and I never got a feeling that was the case for me which just. i dunno what to do with this

hi hello! no, you're good, I have my ask box open for a reason and that includes venting n stuff like that, i don't mind at all!

yeah this is exactly what i'm talking about... like i have no problem picking up on things between the lines... but i always take too long to respond and by the time i think of something i am either too nervous or the window has passed. in my case, I know its because i have a "slower processing speed" than other people, which i've had since I was little, it's easier to think when i can type on a screen and be able to check if im making sense, but i don't do verbal stuff very well.

i've been in therapy as well, a long time ago, and i've been told i might be on the autism spectrum, and/or have add, but i'm pretty resistant to getting a formal diagnosis or even self diagnosing for some reason.

i think for me, and i don't know if this will help for you, i want to 1) get rid of the... mental block? filter? that my thoughts have to get through before I say something... because sometimes i come up with the thought, but don't say anything due to nerves. that'll help me get more thoughts out there and 2) get more practice with people... which is hard! i tried out both improv and drama club in high school because this is an issue i've been working on for a long time... it didn't really work, but i've learned that there are a lot of... scripts! that i can just use in a pinch. even if its just like, small talk and stuff, or if i don't have anything, i just turn the question on the other person and just listen!

i've been trying to make peace with the fact that i will probably never be as good of a talker as other people, but you and me brother we are probably just meant to be listeners... and nothing wrong with that... there IS stuff we can do to get better at talking, which i encourage. but don't get down out of reason for being quiet.

SORRY that got really long despite me not having alot of good advice but im struggling with it with you, good luck with finding something that works.. if u want to talk u are always welcome here, i enjoyed reading your ask!

#sorry im very bad at respondin g to things LOL #but i mean all of this genuinely #its tough not feeling like u are as alive.. or have as much of a heart... personality.. genuine... as other people #like ur a lowly npc...#but npc or not.. your feelings are still real right? your pain is real and what you feel when people talk to you is real #i believe you're real #but yeah it sucks and i hope we can find a way to live with it #cathugs \(•u•)/#ask #anon

4 notes · View notes

cakhost · 8 months ago

Text

Click the "keep reading" if you want the long version on why I deleted several of my discord entries:

What lead me to doing a deletion was one big ball of RSD events that just cascaded into too many feels for me to manage and deleting/purging nearly all my posts minus the ones in https://discord.com/channels/288920509272555520/681637456331669669 seemed like the only way to make the pain finally stop. Getting to my posts around 6/11 quickly made me reconsider my decisions because my autism can't handle itself, which is neat but a bizarre thought to be met with. So that plus me starting to calm down was what eventually allowed me to stop deleting my posts; though not before my brain set a goal of at least getting rid of all of June's posts at the time, which was dumb but it also made my brain happy. Brains are dumb. -n-

And I guess that ball-o-RSD also made me realize that I unfortunately have trauma mixed in when I have RSD! I don't want to go back to when I was in denial of my autism but I kinda wish it will stop with the Everything for a second. >n<

And also made me realize I gave the keys to the LRRord to someone who I'm terrified of and would very, very like to put some distance between myself and them as much as possible. Now the chance of said scary person actually doing anything to me though LRRord is unrealistic, if we ignore how much fear loves to ignore logic for a chance. It does make me uncomfortable if that person is lurking and possibly reading my posts on here, gathering intel to use to try and further manipulate me. Of course, I am aware of them trying to manipulate me now so the chance of them being able to do that is slim. But the damage has been done and I have unintentionally made LRRord unsafe for me a tiny bit. :c

What changes does this mean from me on this? I'm not going to go to a lurker-only. I'm going to respect the mods because hey, I know now that my wall-o-texts can get pretty bad. So if I catch myself doing one, I'll do something similar to this post: make the main of it on my tumblr and then post a link to that tumblr post back to discord, hopefully remembering a brief description on what the tumblr post will be on. I'll get some practice on this with the posts I have deleted because I didn't back up any of those and while I remember some of what I posted, I don't remember everything so maybe something will fall through the cracks.

I will cut back on being personal, mostly stick to video game games maybe touching on different posts as the mood strike me.

For what it is worth, I am sorry for doing the deletion at all. I sort of was getting in my own head on how that might look to outsiders and how that might suck seeing me get rid of what I did. Maybe I really should invest in a burrito blanket so if I do have any more RSD episodes I can just "Go to your burrito" myself and that will stop me from doing this again. I hope.

Thank you for your time! Have a great time and stay safe! Xxx

#cakhost personal post #LRR Discord #Autism rsd

0 notes

rokkazu · 2 years ago

Note

Are you proship/comship? (Asking because your username is eagledile and hawkodile and eagleator are foster brothers. I'm not judging, I'm profic myself, just curious.)

Hey there anon! bit of a loaded question you got there! I'm honestly not sure if this is bait to get me to admit to being "problematic" or a genuine question, but i'm feeling nice and explanatory today so i'm gonna break this down for ya. I have a lot of thoughts on everything you just said so... sorry if this post gets really long. (spoiler alert it does)

first of all, the proship thing. i don't really think there's a way to be brief about this without someone twisting my words and making me out to be a literal pedo apologist or something, so i'm just gonna say the pro/anti dichotomy is dumb as hell and does nothing but cause unnecessary confusion. the question of "is fiction depicting things i find gross and unacceptable allowed to exist" is just complete fucking nonsense. there isn't one answer to this. i have friends who cope with and process their sexual trauma with things that people consider unacceptable under any circumstances because they can't comprehend that anyone would have a nuanced relationship with the things that hurt them. it is not my business to decide what is and is not allowed, and i choose to judge people based on their own individual situations. if that makes me proship then whatever i don't actually care. just because something can cause harm doesn't mean it has no use or purpose, or that it should be destroyed or hidden away. i am not saying pedophilia or incest is good, actual sexual assault is obviously horrible, i do not like those things even as fictional scenarios personally. I'm just fucking normal and don't judge people before i actually know why they're doing what they do. please for the love of god think with your brain and treat people like people i'm begging you.

(btw this isn't directed at you anon, im not assuming you're going to be weird about this right off the bat. i know some people would though, so i'm being clear just in case.)

OKAY now that's out of the way we can get to the fun part, character analysis of an inconsistently written kids cartoon for 8 year olds! I do not think eagleator and hawkodile are brothers. i straight up just don't buy it. that may sound confusing at first but let me lay it out for you in excruciating detail because autism. okay so, i've been in this fandom since like mid 2020? so i don't have ALL the context but i do have a good amount. i was around when the concept of them being adoptive brothers was first spread around. and yes, this is not an old concept. literally NOBODY thought this before like, mid 2021. so what happened? Imagine you're scrolling through the #unikitty! tag. It's a slow day in mid-late 2021, not much going on. you notice a post from someone listing off a few of their favorite ships, and one of the ones they mention is eagleator/hawkodile. You're me in this scenario, so you're naturally interested in someone mentioning your rather niche favorite ship, so you read through, maybe you notice there's a couple comments on this post, so you check them out to see what's up.

This is what you see. If you're not familiar, this is the tumblr account of Careen Ingle, one of the directors of the show. She's known for being one of the crew members who interacts a lot with the fandom, answering questions about certain things, usually on Twitter. Now, as far as i'm aware, i was one of the first people to notice this. At first, this really confused me, because like, while the ship wasn't common it also definitely wasn't unheard of? people have very much watched The New Nemesis and immediately posted "so that was kind of really gay right? it's not just me?" no one really took it that seriously, but it was definitely A Thing. Why would she say something about his now, nearly a year after the show had ended? why not say something earlier? To be honest with you, i still don't know. I don't know why she said this. She has never, ever elaborated on this, and no one even asked. About the only thing i heard of this was people either posting this exact screenshot or referencing it, appended with something like "if you still ship them after this block me and never speak to me again." This still baffles me to this day. There was no confusion, no push-back, anyone who thought this was even remotely questionable seemed to just disappear from any discussion of it. it was a complete echo-chamber of "this isn't okay anymore because Careen Said So" and then radio silence on the topic ever since.

Now, if you're not very familiar with the show itself, this might not seem that strange to you. but, and maybe this is just my perspective.. there is no indication of this in the actual text of the show itself. Absolutely none. In fact, i would argue some episodes actually contradict this idea! At best, what i get from the few episodes that actually touch on their relationship is that them being brothers would be a perfectly fine viewer interpretation, something to headcanon maybe, but absolutely not set in stone or obviously spelled out for you.

Seriously, if you don't believe me, go watch every episode that's relevant to this. there's like, 3 of them. That's just over half an hour of runtime. Here's a list, actually: S1E3 "Action Forest"

The first episode that establishes Hawkodile and Eagleator's relationship. Notice how they refer to eachother as "bro"(as in the non-literal slang term for a close friend, i assume), but never once a full, played-straight "brother", even when hawkodile is doing his dramatic backstory spiel. Also the song that plays when they hug is reused in a scene with master frown and brock in Beach Daze, who are like no-question canonically gay. Hmmm.

S2E12 "Hawkodile Sensei"

Eagleator isn't in this one, and some of the flashback scenes straight up contradict things that happen in Action Forest's flashback scenes (i personally choose to interpret this as hawkodile just being a very unreliable narrator for my own sanity) but the main relevant takeaway here is the fact that when hawkodile is basically emulating the way Sensai Falcomodo taught him, Unikitty makes a comment about him "[...]going to be a great dad", which Hawkodile immediately rejects by saying "i'm not gonna be their dad, i'm gonna be their sensei!" which.. seems to imply that Hawkodile very much does not see Falcomodo as a parental figure, just a mentor/teacher, that those two things are completely different to him. Kinda throws a wrench in the whole "foster brothers" thing, don't it?

S3E14 "The New Nemesis"

Okay, i really need to skim over this one because this post is already getting obnoxiously long, and to be honest this is the one episode i could pick apart for hours. Just.. just watch it. This episode is pretty much half the reason anyone ships them in the first place, and i'm still wondering how one of the directors can whole-heartedly believe that these two characters shouldn't be shipped when this whole episode is... the way that it is. i could genuinely make an entire post just about this episode if anyone even wants to see that.

So yeah, in conclusion, not pro or anti ship but a secret third thing called thinking with my brain. if you use either of those labels i'm ignoring it and asking you what you actually fucking mean by that. i ship eagledile because, from my perspective, there is now way anyone could have known they were "supposed to be brothers" from the content of the show itself, and i'm not going to change my whole view of these character's relationship just because someone on the team said so, somewhat rudely, in the comments of a post made by someone who didn't even fucking ask, and failed to give any reason or evidence for why i should even believe that. Death of the author and all that. Hope this clears things up!

1 note · View note

pain-is-too-tired · 6 months ago

Text

Honestly, both of them are so interesting to me. They're both really smart in their own way, but Annabeth depends a lot more on structure and book smarts. She had been on the streets at some point, but not for long as she was brought to camp. And she never been in the foster system. So she has a lot more structure closed in experiences once she got to camp. Her main skills are Architecture focused, why she knows basics for mechanic repairs that fit that, she's not as experienced with every tiny piece of more complicated machines. It's just not something in her niche she focused on. Architecture work lot differently then machines and systems.

Leo on the other hand was on the streets and in and out of foster homes. Nothing about his life has had even an ounce of structure before TLH. He's been raised around machines until he was 8 and he continued to keep that interest his whole life(having abilities as a child of Hephaestus probably helped as well gdhd). Leo wasn't stuck in a camp his whole life, he learned to work on his feet even more.

Like yeah, Annabeth was on the streets at some point, but it wasn't for that long and she was with Luke and Thaila through most of that. Leo didn't have a Luke or Thaila. He was jumping from place to place on his own for seven years. So he has a lot more easier time working with changes. Like Annabeth he does prepare for all the variables he could see, but he's also prepared for the unplanned variables. He jokes about it "I don't think it interferes with being nuts" but it's a big part of what makes him pretty scary advisory. I think it's kinda why him being more hyperactive with his adhd is often joked about is frustrating, because his mind is always running. And that's a very important part of him. His hyperactiveness tends to get teased on, why people forget Annabeth's despite the fact her mind is also always running. She's just not as hyperactive.

It's one the reasons I love the idea of them being close friends. They work off of eachother. I would've killed for a mission with the two of them together in hoo. They'd been unstoppable.

But not only do the play well off eachother, they're pretty good examples of struggles when it comes to being diagnosed with adhd. One being looked down on for their hyperactivity and even being seen as not as smart due to it. And other maybe not even being diagnosed (especially if afab) because they're well behaved. How people view/ believe your adhd is so dependent on how much of it is a nuisance to them.

I only was diagnosed with adhd so young because my teacher and doctor found me too hyperactive and wanted my mom to do something about it. Meanwhile it took until 7th grade before I was officially diagnosed with autism as well. They didn't diagnosed me with adhd even properly the first time(the primary did it). It was less "they have adhd" and more "they have too much energy and get distracted too much. Let's put them on some meds and do nothing else about it." (I was like 7-8 btw)

gods just hdgdf how easily this fandom seems to forget almost everyone has adhd in this series. Not just the ones you want to make jokes about being goofy or dumb.

Sorry for hijacking the post but gdgd gods I didn't realize until I started writing how strongly I felt on these two's dynamic.

Anyway. Leo and Annabeth being a chaotic duo and confusing their sons of the big 3 boyfs my beloved.

If I said leo valdez was smarter than annabeth chase then what

#reblog #annabeth chase #leo valdez #adhd #I'm so sorry op I don't know where all that came from

198 notes · View notes

epitome-of-an-openbook · 2 years ago

Note

op I read your steddie fic where post and specifically the part abt Steve being intelligent got my attention bc (and also youre so right abt the whole thing)

-what about the fics where Steve is visibly (?? idk englishs not my thing) autistic? Cause if you're neurodivergent and can actually follow his thought process along he's super smart (unconventionally smart my beloved) but for neurotypicals I'm told it makes him sound some variation of stupid/oblivious/dumb (when he's def not haha)

-what are your opinions about the fics where Steve is _pretending_ to be stupid? Like, plays into the jock bit, and makes people think he's slow to use it to his advantage? not necessarily in a "bad person" way (and especially if you can tell he's smart from the outside/his own pov)? >>>esp if he doesn't even realize he's doing it?

-how about Steve's concussions/neurodivergency affecting the more "conventionally smart" aspects of his brain? like, his memory is shit and he can't spell properly or he can't do complex math, but he knows everyone's expressions and holds a scary amount of talent in physical activities he's never done before type thing (insp after me who got complimented by the "hardass" coach after trying boxing simply because I watch and calculate and how that's easy for me to switch into my own movements)

-opinions on Steve "looking dumb" because he's simply...not American? Like, his English is plenty good but that's because he's been copying speech patterns for so long now, and the Harringtons are tied to some p important Italian families so he almost never speaks English there either, and I personally like the fics where he's frustrated simply because he can't understand (like the story about the Korean immigrant and the lovely teacher) and also the scene in modern family where Gloria says "I know what I meant to mean! do you know how smart I am in my own language?"

-thoughts on someone lifting their head up from nerd shit and realizing Steve's been making like many smart remarks that nobody listens to cause he doesn't know nerd lingo?

(also unrelated but trans!Steve MTF _or_ FTM is so important to me <3)

I've a whole "trope theory" about different types of intelligence groups tend to have, and simply put it goes

book smarts, street (survival) smarts, emotional smarts, social smarts

and how those mix and match to show through in characters that are disregarded as stupid and I personally believe Steve is very Socially _and_ emotionally smart but because he's arguably in line to be the most toxic masculine people by reputation (not personality but the past -both his and his dads- linger) people don't notice it.

I'd love to chat more both abt my theory and Steve in general <3

Hi anon, of course I want to talk about Steve's intelligence - because I am so so so tired of him being written off as the fool, and I am especially tired of people pretending like he is not the most emotionally intelligent person in the show other than potentially Will or Joyce. Also in advance, I totally go on a BUNCH of tirades and rants so I'm sorry if you lose the thread at all, I just have a lot of thoughts and they all FEEL important to me. So yeah, this is a long one.

-what about the fics where Steve is visibly (?? idk englishs not my thing) autistic? Cause if you're neurodivergent and can actually follow his thought process along he's super smart?

I haven't read many fics where Neurodivergent! Steve's divergence is specifically autism and personally I feel that other divergences fit him better such as OCD (see - his need to keep things tidy, instances of reduced impulse control, repetitive/ritualistic behaviors, hypervigilance, and agitation), ADHD (see - his need to be moving lots of pacing and bouncing, difficulty concentrating on the group discussions, impulsivity), Dyslexia/Dyscalculia (personal/popular headcanon), or something that would affect his audio processing (personal/unpopular headcanon; see- being unable to get past the music on the recording, difficulty following along with the group discussions, immediately losing track of the group in the Upside Down Wheeler's house when he thinks he hears Dustin)- but I definitely read him as someone whose brain works in a way that is non-typical which is something we ABSOLUTELY see in season 3 where he focuses in on the music and it seems like he literally can't focus on the Russian words until he knows what the music is.

But what it comes down to is that so many people read the fact that he didn't get into college (which is more indicative of a lack of testing skills than it is for actual intelligence) and his inability to follow along with group discussions about Upside Down stuff (which could point to issues with concentration or audio processing or just a lack of knowledge regarding the lingo being used) as a way to characterize him entirely as an idiot/fool. This of course isn't helped by the Duffers refusing to deepen his character beyond "he was bad but now he's good because now he's interacting with intelligent™ people". So to answer this question, I'm all for fics that explore Steve's intellect through a lens of "no he's not dumb, he just processes information in an atypical way".

I'm not 100% sure I'm interpreting this question correctly but I have some issues with fics where the character of interest is 'pretending' to be stupid so it entirely depends on what the motivation behind doing so is.

If the motivation is "I play dumb so that I can fit in better and not be bullied for being smart" I don't like it that much - I feel like in a lot of media, and American media especially, there is this perpetuation of Smart=Unpopular/Bullied/Unathletic and Dumb=Popular/Bully/Athletic and I don't like that because in my lived experience that really isn't the case - I have friends that were the Valedictorian's of their high schools by gpa that were also class president and soccer captian and genuinely good people and some of the meanest people I have ever met were stereotypical™ nerds. So if the motivation is that he pretends to be dumb specifically to fit in and not get bullied I don't really like it. HOWEVER, if the motivation is "I downplay my intelligence so that people underestimate me" that's different and I can get behind it to a degree - no one is perfect and Steve was not the best person at first so him having a little manipulation bit like this would make sense.

Also this leads into another thing I feel we don't talk about enough - Steve is a jock with a head for STRATEGY and you cannot tell me otherwise. The ability to strategize is something we like to take away from jocks all across media, but as a former athlete myself I can tell you that a LOT of thought goes into athletic strategy and it translates well to other aspects of life. We also see Steve make quick strategic decisions A LOT but we never mention them - some examples include when he leads the scoops troop through the crowded russian base w/o getting caught - some of this is simply poor writing/tracking and i will admit that but if we suspend our disbelief for a second it's Steve that looks at the set up takes in the information and says "Follow me, stay low and be quick" as they navigate that scene, we also see it in season two when him and Dustin get to the junkyard and he says "oh yeah this will do nicely" and then he proceeds to set the stage for catching Dart with a clearing to trap him, a reinforced fort for protection and surveillance and honestly the only reason this goes wrong is because there was more than one demodog. So yeah being good with strategy lends itself well to Steve using his intelligence as a manipulation for others to underestimate him. I personally would love for there to be a fic where one of the kids challenges Steve to a strategy game like chess or risk or something like that and for him to DECIMATE them because strategy is the thing he's good at.

For one I would like to quickly put out there that Steve almost definitely got a TBI (Traumatic Brain Injury) from the Russian Torture - and probably PCS (Post Concussion Syndrome) from the fight with Billy (I would also like to quickly mention that these are different things with different causes and potential future outcomes/side effects, I feel like they get confused a lot in this fandom which is totally fine but just a reminder that a concussion comes specifically from your brain impacting your skull and how he receives his head injuries from Jonathan and the Russians would indicate to me that he probably didn't have a concussion those times but when he crashes the car in season three he could have easily gotten a whiplash concussion which is something we don't talk about but does actually happen a lot and it's less likely to get treated because people don't realize you can get a concussion w/o hitting your head. Also I am so sorry about this head trauma info dump, it's just a subject I have lots of experience with/knowledge about).

ANYWAY, yeah TBIs and PCS can really mess with your head and are often the cause of things like memory loss - as well as vision and hearing impairment. Also TBIs have been studied a lot in American Football players and sometimes they can even cause shifts in personality. (Also @peter-pantomime has some really good discussions and headcanons regarding Steve's head traumas so I highly suggest their content both here and on tiktok.)

And yes, Steve consistently proves to be extremely socially intelligent. You do not get to the top of the high school food chain by simply being attractive or athletic, you have to be capable of understanding and manipulating certain social interactions - walking into a room and knowing who to talk to and who to avoid, popularity is often just a matter of networking and part of the reason Steve loses his popularity is because he abandons the network he built himself up through and switches it out for a group of people much lower on the social ladder. We also can tell he's incredibly emotionally intelligent through his interactions with others - scenes that really show this are Steve cleaning up the theater sign and going to apologize to Jonathan (some might say this is just emotional maturity but i would like to point out that he was emotionally intelligent enough to realize that it was Jonathan that deserved the apology instead of just Nancy) (s1), when Will comes home and we see him empathize with the worry of Joyce & Jonathan (s2), when he can seemingly tell that something happened between Nancy and Jonathan but instead of lashing out he supports her (also s2), when Robin comes out to him and also technically rejects him but he just treats her like normal (s3), like… every scene with him and Max in S4, and also when he tells Eddie that he needs to stop being so hard on himself when he keeps talking about how much of a coward he is (also S4).

I have never seen this done before, but I absolutely adore this concept, if you (or anyone else) has some fic recs with this trope 👀👀👀 please share.

-thoughts on someone lifting their head up from nerd shit and realizing Steve's been making like many smart remarks that nobody listens to cause he doesn't know nerd lingo?

Yes do it, caveat: I think it needs to be Robin, Eddie, or Will - I think everyone else is a little too in their own way of realizing Steve has consistently made good points.

For Robin, as a Queer Platonic Stobin truther, I feel like if anyone were to really get into Steve's brain it would be her.

For Eddie, I feel it comes from that same vein that we see people pointing out that Eddie is the only person who directly answer Steve's questions, so it would make sense for him to be the one to say "wait hey - Steve is actually asking incredibly relevant questions that lead to a point he wants to make."

For Will, I simply think that he's the most emotionally intelligent member of the original Party and also the one with the fewest interactions with Steve so if he were to be with Steve in a time of crisis he wouldn't ignore Steve's thoughts the way that sometimes happens and notice something about how he processes information or something and be like "why did you guys all tell me he was dumb, he's making extremely relevant points right now?"

(also unrelated but trans!Steve MTF _or_ FTM is so important to me <3)

<3 Trans!Steve 🤝 GenderFluid!Steve solidarity

I love fics where Steve explores gender identity or at least his relationship with gender presentation, I'm partial to GenderFluid!Steve but regardless I love this.

#stranger things #steve harrington #steddie #let steve be emotionally intelligent #stranger things headcanons #Steve Harrington headcanons #asks #Steve is intelligent pls discuss #tw head trauma

109 notes · View notes

forestwater87 · 5 years ago

Text

Every episode of Camp Camp ranked: A very (non)objective list

It's well past the time of year when Season 5 of Camp Camp would've dropped. I fully understand and support it not coming out; the crew's health and safety are much more important than a comfort show.

However . . . man, would it be nice to have some comfort right now.

So I'm reliving the entire series! I've been known to share with the world a whole bunch of Spicy Hot Takes, but I've never really sat down and talked about my feelings about the show as a whole.

And what's the best way to do that? Well, just ask Jenny Nicholson: a numbered list! That is, here's the series ranked from worst episode to best, because I want to get the negativity out of the way early and focus on everything I love (and because people enjoy complaining, so let’s frontload all that).

The takes will be hot. The feelings will be intense. The post, I'm assuming, will be largely unread.

Let's do it!

Oh and duh, there are spoilers. I tried to keep it pretty chill, but you’ll want to have watched the whole show or just not care about spoilers before going forward.

Also slashes in the middle of “naughty words” are meant to prevent this from being kept out of the main tags. Who knows if it’ll work? I don’t.

60. Who Peed the Lake? (Season 4, epis/sode 3)

Ah, good ol' Pi/ss Lake (or as @hopefullypessimistic84 calls it because she's funnier than any of us will ever be, “Pis/s Fe/tish Dot Com”). Terrible, one of the few I’d consider nigh unwatchable. I actually kind of love this episode for being such great shorthand for "the absolute worst one."

Who signed off on an entire episode centered around Sherlock Holmes meets a bad om/o joke? Give me names and addresses: I just want to talk.

59. Reigny Day (Season 1, episode 6)

And nobody was surprised.

I'll admit I'm more willing to defend this episode than many people, but it's not . . . like, good. It seemed okay when there were only 11 other episodes to compare it to, but now that there have been so many bangers, this comes across as extremely weak.

And let’s just say the Na/zi jokes hit a lot differently in 2020 than they did in the summer of 2016.

I’m overall happy with the direction the showrunners have moved Dolph’s character in, and I can’t totally blame them for using a kind of humor that was fairly common in the pre-Trump era, but yikes, this has aged like milk. And it wasn’t even very funny at the time, so it aged like milk that was already pretty bad to begin with.

58. Squirrel Camp (Season 4, episode 10)

This is a dumb one.

Not much else to say; it’s just kinda stupid and lame.

57. Fashion Victims (Season 4, episode 13)

I love Sasha, but this is filler. Which isn’t in itself a bad thing -- I have a couple episodes near the top that could reasonably be called filler, and a valid argument could easily be made that “filler episodes” don’t actually exist in a show with no plot -- but as much as I adore the Flower Scouts and enjoy the handful of good moments we get in this episode . . . who cares? Does anyone really give a sh/it about anything that happens here? Does anyone get their life from this one?

I didn’t think so.

56. Foreign Exchange Campers (Season 3, episode 3)

I know, I know, your Russian waifu came from this episode. Why do you think it’s so low on this list?

Okay, for real: this is . . . fine. It’s fine. It’s fine? I’m not mad at it, it just feels tonally incongruous and not very memorable beyond the fact that the fandom got really weird and kinda gross about Vera. But the episode itself? There’s some cute stuff with Neil and Nikki being jealous, but for the most part it’s a big hunk of white bread with some super mild white cheese that’s kinda soggy from sitting in a bag for too long and getting all condensation-y.

That is to say: it’s fine.

ETA: Space Kid does say “fu/ck.” I can’t decide if that’s a point in the episode’s favor or against it.

This is the last of what I’d call the “bad” episodes. Everything after this ranges from mediocre to mind-blowingly amazing. But whatever our failing tier of Camp Camp episodes is, it stops right about here.

Onto the good stuff!

55. Night of the Living Ill (Season 2 Halloween episode)

I keep switching this with “Eggs Benefits,” which probably means they should be tied. But whatever, this is my list and I am in charge and I’ve finally decided, after like 5 changes, that I like this one a little bit less.

It’s a fun Romero parody with nothing I’d call bad. Really this one’s only so low on the list because I think it’s kinda icky, and looking at those green snotty faces makes me queasy. If you think this is a bad reason to put it near the bottom of the list, then make your own post.

54. Cameron Campbell Can't Handle the Truth Serum (Season 4, episode 11)

I . . . don’t remember this at all. I initially had it a bit higher because I tend to love things with Campbell in them, but then I realized that nothing about this episode stuck in my brain even a little bit.

Oh, this is the “Dolph has autism” episode that made everyone either extremely happy or really mad? Okay. I guess that’s the most remarkable thing about it. Neato.

Cam, I love you, but this was just not the best use of your sleazy charm.

53. Eggs Benefits (Season 2, episode 9)

This is one of those episodes with enough cute moments and good ideas to save it from being totally unmemorable, and I mostly enjoy rewatching. Platypus being a mom is a fabulous idea, and pairing the campers the way they did was mostly really interesting and fun.

The Preston-Nurf stuff takes it down several pretty significant notches, though. It’s what the kids would call problematic, and while I normally enjoy how the show doesn’t skew away from darker themes and jokes, it didn’t really fit either of their characters and just . . . isn’t fun to watch. It’s not especially funny, it’s not especially tragic, it’s just uncomfortable.

52. Camp Campbell Wants YOU! (Season 1, episode 0)

Honestly, this would be a lot higher if it was a full-length episode. It’s funny.

The next 5 or so episodes fall under the “cute but not very memorable” umbrella:

51. Nikki's Last Day on Earth (Season 3, episode 4)

I love the ensemble episodes, so this was always going to score higher than any of the single-character “meh” eps. I didn’t see the twist coming, though I know a lot of other fans did. Textbook example of “cute but not very memorable” -- the Platonic ideal of that concept.

50. The Candy Kingpin (Season 3, episode 9)

A clever idea that plays on Max’s worst characteristics and then calls him out for them, while also giving Dolph some much-needed character development. Unfortunately, I don’t feel like it really picks up until the last third of the episode, leaving the rest just kind of sitting there.

49. Campfire Tales (Season 4, episode 13)

Who doesn’t love campfire stories?

That’s all I got. They’re campfire stories.

ETA: OH SH/IT THIS ONE HAS THAT REALLY SCARY STORY! Where David’s all like . . . Slenderman’d. Fu/ck, I didn’t remember that until I was writing out my thoughts for #35 or so. That definitely elevates it, but I’m too tired to try and re-decide where this should go, so just tie it with “New Adventure!”

48. New Adventure! (Season 4, episode 4)

New trio! Focusing on these 3 was a definite risk, and I think it really paid off. While the “plot” itself isn’t anything special, there are a handful of really great side gags (hi, Dirty Kevin!!!!) and it’s fun to see these three interact. They all get some nice character beats. It’s a good time.

47. Something Fishy (Season 3, episode 8)

This might’ve hit me harder if I’d actually seen The Shape of Water, but the send-up works fine without having more than the seen-the-trailer level of understanding. Gwen dresses pretty, which I love; Max sucks, which I also love. What drags this one down is mostly feeling like the surreal aspects of the comedy go a bit too far into the “what the fu/ck am I looking at?” territory without really . . . making an actual joke beyond “look! Wacky!"

Why is David at the opera with a bird? Why??

46. City Survival (Season 3, episode 11)

Literally do not remember a single thing about this episode except David getting mugged and being called a “homeless twi/nk.” That should probably rank it lower on the list, but David being a fluttery mother hen saves it for me -- as does the fact that it leads directly into one of my favorite episodes, and the single best story arc of the series.

Next set of episodes is what I’m going to arbitrarily call “okay! but like the good kind of okay, not the bad kind.”

45. Bonjour Bonquisha (Season 2, episode 7)

Max and Sasha masterminding a scheme is really fun; their dynamic is great (though it won’t be fully realized until Season 4), and heartbroken David is so tragically cute it actually makes my heart explode out of my chest.

Also I can’t resist a good “3 kids in a trench coat” gag.

44. Anti-Social Network (Season 2, episode 2)

Neil is very relatable and I don’t have much else to say about this one. It’s fun to see an episode that more heavily focuses on our nerdy science boy, and Max and Neil teaming up to save Nikki was really charming and sweet and set my Makkiel ship out to sea.

43. A Camp Camp Christmas, or Whatever (Season 2 holiday episode)

Why does this episode have a musical number? It’s not good.

Okay, that was mean. This is fun and cute and Gwen wears a pretty purple sweatshirt and Space Kid gives her a present and it’s really sweet. But that musical number is an instant fast-forward for me, sorry.

42. Preston Goodplay's Good Play (Season 4, episode 7)

We get some Preston character development! Awesome!

It’s done in a really trippy and surreal way that totally fits his character and heightens the drama of the episode! Awesome!

David has an apparently-tragic history of being a French mime! Not a good call!

Next tier: Some good sh/it! (Tbh, these could all be put in just about any order; they might as well be one massive tie.)

41. Cookin' Cookies (Season 2, episode 11)

I love the Flower Scouts. I love Dirty Kevin. I love the idea of accidentally starting a dru/g empire. Another weird, borderline experimental one focusing on side characters, and I think it works better than “New Adventure!” because the scale of the melodrama is just so over-the-top.

The fact that this is in the bottom 20 but I have nothing but good things to say about it illustrates how dang good this show is. It’s only getting better from here, folks!

40. Romeo & Juliet II: Love Resurrected (Season 1, episode 7)

Preston is a terrible playwright. This makes sense, because he’s like 11, but he’s the kind of hilariously bad I wish I’d been as a preteen, because his play is absolutely bonkers. Max fucking with David is great, Tabii vs. Bonquisha is great, Bonquisha in general is a giant amazonian goddess and I want to be swept up into her giant arms. Neil is . . . a robot, for some reason?

So much fun!

39. Camp Cool Kidz (Season 1, episode 4)

I don’t love Ered’s characterization in this one, but there are a lot of wacky hijinks in this episode that I think make it really enjoyable. Max’s wide-eyed revolutionary naïveté is a fun change from his usual dour pessimism, and Nikki’s loyalty to Ered is both very gay and very charming. Plus we get to learn a bit more about how the camp operates (and fails to operate), and it’s a nice way to better establish the campsite as its own setting.

(Definitely think “Cool” should’ve been spelled with a K though. But whatever, I don’t write for the show.)

38. Scout's Dishonor (Season 1, episode 3)

The birth of Neeancy! The introduction of the Flower and Wood Scouts! Neil saying “cu/nt” -- one of the first and only truly shocking uses of profanity in the entire show! ZUKO!

I don’t know if my fondness for this one is rooted mostly in nostalgia or if it was actually really fun, but I enjoyed the he/ll out of it. Not as highly-rated as some other episodes mostly because it doesn’t really do anything, character or story-wise, but not every episode needs to be a massive game-changer that drowns us in feels. Sometimes it’s enough to have a fun romp, and this is very that.

37. Ered Gets Her Cool Back (Season 3, episode 2)

Awww, Ered. I have a soft spot for her, because I love the archetype of a spoiled bit/ch clearly still figuring out how to be a person and have friends. You really get the sense of her as a teenager trying to sort her shi/t out in this episode, which I would love to see more of. Her interactions with Nerris are top-tier, and I like that it’s a continuation of how her character’s been softening since Season 1 into this kind of big-sister figure.

Also, all the female campers in this show are lesbians. I do not make the rules.

36. Attack of the Nurfs (Season 4, episode 2)

I feel like this is a pretty underrated episode. But then again, I feel like Nurf is a pretty underrated character, so maybe that’s just my own personal bias.

I really enjoyed all the different iterations of Nurf, and I think Blaine did a killer job giving each one its own personality and life. It’s a fun episode that plays hard with cartoon physics (a 3D printer printing people! I love it!) and has a surprisingly moving ending.

At least, that’s what I think. Most other people seem to find this one pretty forgettable. Again: make your own da/mn list. I liked it.

35. Mascot (Season 1, episode 2)

This entire episode is memorable for so many things, but a few of my favorites:

David is established as kind of a di/ck.

Platypus arrives and kicks all the as/s.

Quartermaster is the best.

Nerris, Harrison, and Space Kid all get little moments to show off how cute they are.

Neil and Nikki bonding.

This:

34. Quest to Sleepy Peak Peak (Season 2, episode 3)

I love watching Nerris and Harrison bicker, and Neil and Nikki fit really well into their group. It reminds me of being a kid, and of playing Dungeons & Dragons (as an adult, because I’m so cool), and of summer . . . which is a really good thing for this show. There are a lot of funny one-liners, and it’s just a good dang time.

33. Quartermaster Appreciation Day (Season 2, episode 6)

I don’t think this one is all that well-loved, but I thought it was funny. There are literally zero important plot or character moments, but it made me laugh a lot, and that’s all I need a Camp Camp episode to do.

I love QM, and the more we learn about him, the more confused and disturbed we end up being. What a fu/cking champion.

32. Arrival of the Torso Takers (Season 3 Halloween episode)

I lowkey hated this one when it came out, because I knew the Daniel stans were going to be exhausting. And they kind of were? But looking back, it’s a great way to reintroduce this motherfu/cker. He’s a lot scarier than he was the last time around -- but also less competent, which is a great way to kick him in the proverbial ba/lls -- and while I wish it had a lot more Gwen in it, it’s a clever and creative Halloween episode.

31. Operation: Charlie Tango Foxtrot (Season 3, episode 10)

Charlie . . . Tango . . . Foxtrot . . . CTF . . . OH! Capture the Flag! I never got that before. Oh, that’s neat. I love this show.

Listen, every time the writers decide to take a risk and do something bizarre and creative, I’m going to be here for it at least a little bit. An entire episode told from the POV of the Woodscouts, explaining how hard they failed in all directions? A great gag where everyone in Petrol’s story talks in grunts? The return of Jermy Fartz?! Fantastic.

30. Panicked Room (Season 4, episode 16)

Listen. I’m a sucker for my trash grandpa; anything Campbell-centric is probably going to be pretty good (except #54), because he’s just one of the most consistently funny and engaging characters. Good times are had whenever this terrible man is on the screen, and giving him a romantic backstory? A tragic romantic backstory full of mistakes and emotional damage?? One where he waited 17 YEARS for the love of his life???

We have no choice but to stan.

29. Party Pooper (Season 4, episode 15)

I’m so predictable. If you put Gwen in something, I will be happy. If you make an entire episode about how Gwen is under-appreciated and overworked and just trying to do her best despite the circumstances, I will dedicate my firstborn child to you.

Anyway, this episode is really sweet, and I liked the unexpected direction the writers took her relationship with her dad. He seems like a nice guy, they seem like they have a nice relationship, and . . . well, an episode about how hard it is to be an adult millennial hit pretty hard. Plus this was just a really pretty episode -- and not just because Gwen was in so much of it! Seriously, that night sky was a thing of beauty.

Also if you say a fuc/king word about Max and that godda/mn dog I will choke you out with your own intestines. Few things are more hilariously, annoyingly ironic than the fact that the entire fandom ignored and failed to appreciate Gwen . . . in the episode all about how everyone ignores and fails to appreciate Gwen.

28. Culture Day (Season 3 holiday episode)

Now, would it be arrogant to point out that I had the idea for a Culture/Heritage Day back in September 2018? Yes, especially since I don’t think the writers ever read fanfiction and it has literally nothing to do with this episode. Will that stop me? He/ll no it will not! I am a creature of ego! Read my stuff!

Anyway, this is a really fun look at Neil’s background, personality, and relationships. Max looking out for him is just . . . oh my god, I cannot, I’ve written like 30 of these and my brain is starting to melt, but these two are so cute. I love arrogant Neil, and I love protective Max, and I love QM and Gwen fuc/king over the Flower Scouts to save the day. Everything about this episode is lovely.

27. Cameron Campbell the Camp Campbell Camper (Season 3, episode 7)

This should not be ranked so high (even if these are all essentially tied). This is a dumb episode based on a really, really dumb premise.

But . . . I don’t know what to tell you. “Samboy Kidwell,” Max realizing he and Campbell are disturbingly similar and not liking what his future could look like, David’s “I’m not mad, I’m disappointed” face . . . this episode happens to hit all of my favorite things. It had a really good balance of heavy-handed moralizing and goofs, it was part of the most graceful lead-up into a finale the show has ever had, and I’m just all about it.

Excellent job, Samboy. Count Olaf would be proud of your disguise.

There ends the “some good sh/it” tier. We’re starting to get into the really excellent stuff now!

26. Parents' Day (Season 2, episode 12)

I know. You want this to be higher. I hear you.

Honestly I’m kind of shocked it’s this high; it’s my least favorite of the season finales so far, and I had to push past a lot of prejudice to actually rank this where I think it deserves to be, as opposed to somewhere in the like mid-40s. Mostly because it gave fuel to the raging inferno of “Max has terrible parents and David should adopt him” headcanons, which I’ve detailed my problems with extensively in the past (in a post that, statistically speaking, none of you have read).

But, trying to be objective: is this episode actually any good?

Well . . . yeah, it really is.

So much work was put into giving each of the campers families that make sense with their characters and bounce absurdly well off of them, ranging from wholesome and adorable (Nerris’s family) to quietly tragic (Harrison’s parents), and they’re all designed so well; they’re fun to look at and fun to watch interact with the kids and each other. (The only exception is Dolph’s dad, who is both kinda lame and misattributes the cause of the weird Na/zi thing because it did not come from Germany, I assure you. But things with Dolph are always a little off, and I don’t really know how you would give him a backstory that actually works with the character, so they were caught between a rock and a hard place there.)

The drama of David having to choose between the man he considers his father and the camp he considers his home is really touching, and him and Gwen choosing to take a sad camper out to get pizza instead of covering for their boss’s a/ss is such a beautiful moment for both of them that I can’t really blame the fandom for losing their mind over it. Campbell’s arrest leading into the arcs of the next two seasons was great as well, and the finale left us all with this weird sense of foreboding because we didn’t know what was going to happen next; it was the only finale that actually ended on something close to a cliffhanger, while still being satisfying enough to keep us all from melting down.

Plus, it’s funny. Carl and Candy are really funny and the idea of Neil and Nikki’s parents boning is funny in a horrible way. The joke about Quartersister is funny. It’s a good episode.

Should this be higher? Maybe, but I can’t bring myself to put it above the rest of these episodes. Again: make your own list.

25. Mind Freakers (Season 1, episode 10)

The episode that launched a thousand ships. Assuming those ships are all Harrison/Neil, anyway.

It’s hard to talk about these Season 1 episodes because they feel so classic. Like, what is there to say? You’ve all seen it a couple dozen times; I’ve seen it a couple dozen times. Harrison is a di/ck, Neil is possibly an even bigger di/ck, and magic may or may not be real. (Though spoilers for literally every season: yes, magic is definitely real.) It’s so much fun watching these two smug as/sholes snipe at each other in an almost literal playground hair-pulling way that could very easily be read as flirtation.

And the fandom did most certainly read it that way, at least for a little while.

24. Gwen Gets a Job (Season 2, episode 8)

It’s Gwen. What, was I supposed to not put it this high?

This was the first Gwen-centric episode, and it absolutely slaps. She’s pushed to the breaking point and responds by being a cold-hearted BAMF, and it got her some pretty significant hate from fans but I don’t give a fu/ck, I loved it. We got to see her all dolled up, and then we got to see her all disheveled, and both of those looks were gorgeous. David gives her a tiny fragment of the love and validation she deserves (I don’t know if this is when gwenvid started taking off -- I think it wasn’t really until “Parents’ Day,” or even Season 3 -- but I ate that s/hit up).

Also, again: job hunting post-2008. It’s a bad time, y’all. Camp Camp gets it.

23. Follow the Leader (Season 4, episode 6)

Yeah, I was kind of surprised at how high this landed, too. I guess I’m just a sucker for unlikely companionships, and these three have a great chemistry. The combination of competitiveness, sass, and reluctant admiration make their interactions a lot of fun. Their motivation of doing petty errands for Campbell for the sake of getting at the Box of Illegal Contraband is a great framework too, with high enough stakes to justify all sorts of wacky shenanigans without causing actual anxiety.

I want to see these characters forced to spend more time together. Please, RT, make that happen.

22. Escape from Camp Campbell (Season 1, episode 1)

In terms of numbers, this feels so low, but considering everything from about #45 on is ranked as at least decent, this is actually a pretty high rating. There are 21 episodes I’d call better than this, but these decisions were all pretty painful.

This introduces us to everyone! The main trio, the counselors, Mr. Campbell; we get a snapshot of the major personalities running around the camp, the major points of conflict (Max vs. David, primarily), the major building blocks of future episodes, setting, and relationships . . .

Again, I don’t know how much of my love for this episode is nostalgia -- there’s a lot of squeeing at familiar faces and gags; this is the first time David gets hit by a bus!!! -- but it was a fun and funny introduction to a series that’s ended up being so important to me, and I’m so grateful this wonderful, quirky little show with its wonderful and quirky little premiere.

Of all the episodes, I really can’t look at this one objectively. It’s too important.

21. The Fun-Raiser (Season 3, episode 1)

David and Gwen scheming is my ki/nk. They very rarely scheme together, but every single time their teamwork makes the dream work (or, more frequently, makes the dream fail horribly and have disastrous consequences) my soul flies out of my body and takes to the stars, where I write another 500 first chapters to gwenvid fanfics I’ll probably never finish.

This is a great follow-up to “Parents’ Day,” where we immediately see the consequences of the previous season finale and what happens when the one adult in the camp disappears. Mr. Campbell was a terrible adult, true, but at least he was smart enough not to steal QM’s hook. Like . . . whose plan was this? It was so bad. These two are hilariously incompetent sometimes -- often when their bad ideas are feeding off of each other, actually, a la this and “Space Camp Was a Hoax” -- and watching them frantically try and keep all their balls in the air is so great.

The ending is satisfying, too; a bit graphic, in keeping with a show that tends to keep the violence limited to periodic spurts of bloodshed 1-2 times a season and mostly pretty mild the rest of the time, but between Max stepping up and fixing everything while still being his shi/tty self to our dear dumba/ss counselors getting their dumb as/ses handed to them (deservedly so, if we’re being honest) . . . it’s such a great note to begin a new season on.

20. Journey to Spooky Island (Season 1, episode 5)

A classic.

We get to meet our spooky boy Jasper, we get to watch the comedy trio play off each other and continue to sketch out the general contours of their friendship, and we get to see the Quartermaster with a big purple dil/do for a hand. What’s not to love?

19. The Butterfinger Effect (Season 4, episode 17)

CONTROVERSIAL HOT TAKES! GET YOUR CONTROVERSIAL HOT TAKES HERE!

I’ve already gone into some pretty intense detail about why I think this one is actually really good and carries the theme of embracing change that everything about Season 4 was centered around, but none of y’all read that so here it is in short: this episode is super funny, almost all of the campers’ transformations work really well as extensions of their characters while still being strange and surprising, and the fact that Nurf creates all of these problems by trying to solve them is deliciously fun to watch in a karmic sort of way.

Or maybe it’s just because any Nurf-centric episode is going to rank pretty highly for me. That is also possible.

18. Space Camp Was a Hoax (Season 2, episode 10)

Our camp counselors being bad people: it’s my drug of choice.

We get Space Kid tripping balls in what might be one of the funniest sequences in the show, the entire camp coming together to try and pull off the stupidest, most impossible task (and kinda maybe almost nailing it???), and once again the fun of watching Gwen and David scramble to keep from getting caught in their boss’s shit/ty lies is so great. And Lindsay’s voice acting is absolutely killer, even more so than usual.

17. Jermy Fartz (Season 2, episode 4)

I get the sense this might be a somewhat controversial one.

I’ve written before about why I think this episode is a lot of fun, but it mostly boils down to two things: watching the campers try (and fail) to be nice to the most bully-able person on the entire planet, and the essential likeableness of Jermy.

No, really.

I think a lot of people were put off by Jermy’s general grossness, because . . . my god is he disgusting, but he’s also polite and good-natured, and seems totally self aware of how difficult he is to be around, without letting it make him depressed. He’s cheerful in a weirdly downbeat way that’s impossible to understand until you see him in action. He’s so matter-of-fact about his own awfulness in a way that I found entirely endearing. I don’t think I’d want him at my camp, either, but get that kid to a good dermatologist and gastroenterologist, teach him some basic hygiene and social skills, and you’ll have quite a little gentleman there.

I do however find it hilarious that apparently David got the type of tree wrong when making fun of Jermy. Not only is that a great moment for reveling in David being an as/shole, but he didn’t even have the right wood. F/ucking idiot. I love him so much.

These last ones are my favorites! (Well, duh, that’s how this whole ranking thing works.) Maybe not perfect, but just really good and with limitless rewatch value.

16. St. Campbell's Day (Season 4 holiday episode)

They Grinch’d Camp Camp. Those brilliant bast/ards, they really pulled it off.

Ignoring the fact that David is truly frightening-looking for most of the episode, this is a great bookend to Season 4, following up on the theme established in the first episode about how David is a flawed and selfish human being despite trying his best not to be.

This is another one I was surprised to find so high on the list, but the more I thought about it the more I realizes how good it is. David being a jerk is always one of my favorite storylines, and the fact that the trouble comes from him trusting Mr. Campbell too little instead of too much is a nice twist on the usual formula. Gwen coming to help him out despite a blistering hangover gave me aggressive shipping feels, yes, obviously.

Between a lot of really funny little gags like QM’s failed satanic ritual and the genuinely touching moral about the importance of spending time with the people you love, it’s just a really lovely episode that gets just the right amount of maudlin for the holiday season.

15. Jasper Dies at the End (Season 2, episode 5)

I kept switching this and “Dial M for Jasper”; it was a really difficult decision to make, figuring out where these two belonged. I think in the end, while the John Dies at the End reference was very, very good, this one loses me a little bit by being told from David’s perspective. Now, normally the more David is in an episode the more I’ll be likely to love it (see my #1 for proof of that), but his blinders when it comes to the camp and Mr. Campbell result in a really funny story, but one without the same emotional heft as hearing about what happened from Jasper’s point of view.

That doesn’t mean it’s not perfect for what it needs to be: each Jasper episode builds on the previous ones, and having the same intensity of “Dial M for Jasper,” where we learn how he died and how his relationship with David fell apart, would be weird and heavy at this point. In Season 1 we just found out he’s a ghost (and eagle-eyed viewers realized he’d been a camper with David); in Season 2 we find out how David views their friendship and time at camp; and in Season 3 we get Jasper’s perspective. It’s an absolutely wonderful raising of the stakes (for lack of a better term), but the one that packs more of an emotional punch is going to rank a bit higher than the one that’s mostly just for laughs.

That being said: there are plenty of laughs in this one. Everyone -- Griffin, Miles, Travis, the animators -- nailed this one, and it gets funnier every time I watch it.

14. Camporee (Season 1, episode 11)

AKA the episode where Forest realized she was in love with Gwen.

What a great idea for an episode, seriously. Every coming-of-age story has a talent show or a competition or a big game -- something where the kiddos can show off their improved skills and teamwork to beat their bullies or whatever. And this show has both kinds of bullies: the popular girly girls and the violent muscleheads. What a great moment to pull everyone together and show how friendship can help us accomplish anything!

Except . . . of course that’s not what happens. Of course they’re absolute garbage, and of course teamwork isn’t the answer. Gwen is the perfect foil for David here, being the anti-teamwork, anti-Camp-Campbell adult who can perfectly and effortlessly undermine David’s relentless optimism. David wants so badly for his campers to live in the same coming-of-age summer movie he did as a child, and their staunch refusal to do that leads to a really heartbreaking closer to the episode, as well as lead into the next one. Everything about this, from the challenges to the setup to Gwen shouting “we are winning this FUC/KING trophy!” is just gold.

13. David Gets Hard (Season 1, episode 9)

We have David. We have Nurf. We have Gwen. We have Max trying to be helpful in the shi/ttiest way possible.

We have all the makings of a da/mn good episode. And they deliver. Not a very emotionally intense or moving one, but so, so funny.

12. Dial M for Jasper (Season 3, episode 5)

This isn’t the fate any of us expected for Jasper, and it’s not the fate of a lot of people wanted. But godda/mn it, it worked. The constant bait-and-switch the episode keeps playing with, where you keep waiting for something really dramatic and tragic to happen . . . and then the reality is that Jasper died because Mr. Campbell was stupid and careless, and it was all just a horribly sad accident.

It’s anticlimactic, but in a way that suits the series, both as a comedic counterpoint to all the hype throughout the episode and as a way to establish that Cameron Campbell is a bad man first and foremost through selfishness and laziness, not Daniel-esque sinister evil. Jasper’s death was totally avoidable and totally Campbell’s fault, and while that’s sad, it also adds a weird sort of lightness to the episode. David didn’t do something terrible to kill his best friend, Jasper didn’t kill himself, and without having actively chosen to murder a child (well, not this time), the door remains open for fans accepting Campbell’s later pseudo-redemption. It was just an accident, and Jasper was “haunting” David to tell him that he was sorry for how their friendship ended. That’s really sweet, actually.

I think it’s the best way this reveal could’ve gone, and I’m so impressed with how they pulled it all off.

11. Into Town (Season 1, episode 8)

This might actually be the only flawless episode in the entire show. I mean, I call a lot of them flawless, and I mean that on an emotional level -- “I love this so much I cannot see anything wrong with it” -- but this one is a masterpiece of storytelling. All the technical jumbo I’m bad at, like planting and payoff and tension and all of that, is just perfect.

I feel like this is the kind of claim that needs to be backed up with a long-as/s essay full of citations and video clips and references to, like, Joseph Campbell or something, but this is my 49th entry in the list so I am not going to be doing that. Besides, I don’t think my English degree qualifies me to critique film/animation; I don’t even entirely know half the terms I’ve used to compliment this episode. Someone else please explain why this is such a good one.

10. The Quarter-Moon Convergence (Season 4, episode 5)

I’ve mentioned in other entries that the weird, surreal humor sometimes doesn’t work; it feels too much like being odd for its own sake, and sometimes gets so distracted in being surreal that it forgets to include anything funny or meaningful.

This . . . is not one of those.

Putting Harrison and QM together is a stroke of genius; the two of them are literally the most magical beings in the entire show, and using them as the conveyance for this great Lovecraftian horror-comedy was such a good idea. I don’t know if we’ll ever see these two interact in another episode -- honestly, this felt a bit like lightning in a bottle, and I have a hard time imagining what could possibly bring them together again -- but if this is the only episode we get, it is such a fantastic one.

Harrison makes a really good everyman, despite his powers; he’s just the right amount of confident and insecure to pull off that wide-eyed apprentice to QM’s grizzled wise mentor. (The fact that QM is objectively a terrible mentor is beside the point.) I still don’t entirely know what the two of them accomplished, but it feels baffling and momentous, with the perfect amount of gravity to make things extremely tense all the way through to the end.

Also, I guess God is an octopus? That’s kinda cool. I like octopuses.

9. Camp Corp. (Season 3, episode 12)

Another unpopular opinion? Oh ho ho, I am so contrary! I am Not Like Other Fans! I am the Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way, refusing to have the same opinions of all you prepz.

I know this wasn’t the most well-loved episode, but I think it did a really great job tying together story threads woven throughout Season 3: Max’s selfishness leading to him hurting other people, his growing realization that he cares about his friends and the camp itself, the parallels between him and Mr. Campbell (and the fact that they both get this redemption moment in the finale).

This is the most Max-centric season, focusing on his flaws and character growth, and they pulled it off in a really organic way that felt faithful to his character, touching without being too maudlin. The fact that his feelings about the camp are echoed in Gwen, Neil and Nikki, the other campers, and even Mr. Campbell drives home how important the camp -- and David -- are to this strange little family.

Each season, Max reluctantly becomes a better person, without changing the fundamental core of who he is. That’s a really hard putt for the writers and Michael, and I’m blown away every finale by how they so consistently nail it.

8. Time Crapsules (Season 4, episode 18)

Gwen-centric? Check.

Max learning how to be a better person while still being the bratty kid we know and love? Check.

Looks at one of the most under-appreciated character dynamics in the entire show (i.e., Max and Gwen)? Checkity check-check-check.

I don’t really have much to say about this one, which I should: it was considered a pretty serious letdown to a lot of fans, and I’m not sure how to explain why I loved it so much.

Comparing Max from “The Order of the Sparrow” to Max from this episode is wild. It’s not like 2 different characters: they’re still very obviously the same cynical, self-absorbed 10-year-old trying to survive summer camp. But he’s become a more considerate friend and decent version of that kid, and it’s great to watch. The moment where he and Gwen go too far and immediately regret snapping at each other is still painful (on my god, the VAs in this show, they’re so talented), Nikki and Neil both get nice subplots about how they’re also growing up, and the ending is fuc/king hilarious, perfectly breaking the tension from Campbell’s speech, which is both beautifully done and important to hear, especially if you’re in a period of uncomfortable transition (like, say, in your late 20s, or living through about 5 different national and global catastrophes).

And okay, I found that speech on the wiki for this episode and it made me deeply emotional, so here:

Here's the thing: you've got to take your failures and make something out of them. Take Camp Campbell for instance: a lot of poor decisions went into making this place what it is today. Sure, somewhere along the line it maybe strayed from its path, not living up to the camp it wanted to be. At some point, the camp realized that the camp would never reach the end of its path until it was ready or until it gave up. So, if the camp wanted to keep embezzling money and dealing with foreign powers, so be it! But, at some point, it didn't anymore. I never saw this coming, but I'm starting to think this camp is the best it's ever been.

If this is the last episode of Camp Camp we ever get -- and for at least a little while, it looks like it’s going to be -- I can’t think of a sweeter, funnier, and more lovely bittersweet note for this show to go out on.

7. The Lake Lilac Summer Social (Season 3, episode 6)

And again: No one was surprised.

This is the longest non-finale episode of the show, and it uses that time perfectly. Rather than having some big emotional moments and character arcs -- which are great, don’t get me wrong -- the writers use the extended time to build a series of shenanigans as complicated as Gwen’s matchmaking web, and watching her try to set up a series of dominos (with David, for once, being the responsible, level-headed one) is almost as satisfying as the catastrophic results.

Neil and Snake steal this episode, even from someone as in love with Gwen as I am, and for an episode that’s largely about making fun of shippers, there hasn’t been one that launched nearly as many ships as this. Neil/Snake? Tabii/Erin? Max/Nikki? GWENVID?! It’s all here, and I am here for it.

It was also fun to get a traditional episode setup in a very non-traditional show. I assume this means the beach and/or hot springs episode is forthcoming. (No, Pis/s Lake doesn’t count. Obviously it doesn’t count.)

6. Keep the Change (Season 4, episode 1)

Again, this is an episode I’ve said a lot about in the past -- and I was pretty uncharitable toward Season 3, which in retrospect was very unse/xy of me -- but I stand by a lot of my opinions then: this is a fu/cking great episode.

David is an as/shole, Max is an as/shole, Campbell is an as/shole. No one escapes the as/sholery. David schemes, Max catches him in the scheme, Campbell gets drunk and kind of gay . . . I’m 54 entries into this list and I don’t have much to say anymore: it’s just really good and fun and I love it.

5. Camp Loser Says What? (Season 4, episode 9)

This is another one I kind of hated when it came out, and again for fandom-related and personal-grudge reasons.

Fu/cking Daniel. That motherfu/cker. He shows up for 12 minutes and Tumblr bursts into flames. Every single time.

However, it’s really hard not to love this one. Daniel-as-Trump is a clever but subtle -- I mean, for this show’s definition of subtle -- allegory, and it’s amazing how much this slimy freak and the Woodscouts slot into it. David is a bise/xual disaster with the absolute worst taste in men, Dirty Kevin and Daniel are onscreen together for all of 2.5 seconds and the kevdan shippers lost their minds, and Xemug looks like Megamind for some weird reason.

My only minor complaint is that the ending is a bit anticlimactic, but it plays on Daniel’s stupidity and the value of teamwork, so it’s a very small nitpick in an episode that mostly works like gangbusters.

4. Cult Camp (Season 2, episode 1)

Duh. There’s a really good song and we’re introduced to a charismatic, sinister, and totally dumba/ss villain. What’s not to like?

I don’t think I even need to say anything about this episode. Season 2 started off the summer by throwing a lit firecracker directly at the viewer’s face, and ignoring the fact that we as a fandom proceeded to eat each other, it’s impossible not to get caught up in the episode’s wild energy.

And dude, that song. Fabulous. Fu/ck Daniel, but thank god he’s around to be such a prickly little pri/ck.

Now for the top 3: Literally perfect, wouldn’t change a single solitary thing.

3. After Hours (Season 4, episode 8)

I’m not sure anyone loved this episode as much as me. But this is my list, and I will put this up at the top if I want to and you cannot stop me.

It’s much easier in a lot of ways to talk about the episodes I hated than the ones I love this much. What do I say besides “literally everything about this fills me with joy and my life is better because it exists”? I don’t know. The counselors are my favorite characters, and between Gwen and QM having the weirdest bonding experience, Gwen getting to meet up with people who care about her silly fanfiction, Mr. Campbell being the trash grandpa of my dreams, David getting in way over his head . . . it’s the episode I always wanted, and they made it work so well.

Also, I just discovered that “Gwen Isn’t Your Mother So Stop Asking Her to Rinse Your Dishes” is an actual song and I am overwhelmed with delight. Here, I’m embedding it as well as linking because it’s so good:

youtube

God. This show. What the fu/ck even is up with this amazing, weird-as/s show.

2. The Order of the Sparrow (Season 1, episode 12)

Duh.

The entire first season is a great time (except “Reigny Day”), but it’s a pretty low-stakes kind of great time. There isn’t much in terms of emotional depth until the very end of “Camporee,” despite some hints at darker themes in one-off jokes and quick asides, so this episode comes a bit out of left field, tonally speaking.

But that’s not a bug, it’s a feature; if the show had been this overtly emotional from the outset, this finale wouldn’t hit as hard, and the rest of the season wouldn’t be as funny.

This manages to serve as a capstone to the conflict of the first season, building on episodes like “Into Town” and “Escape from Camp Campbell” in a way that feels totally natural for both David and Max’s characters while revealing new sides of them. It works because it’s so unexpected, but it doesn’t come across as incongruous with their personalities. It’s the first and only time David swears in all 4 seasons, and that line -- I don’t even need to say it, you know exactly what I’m talking about -- still gives me chills.

Also, Gwen sings the camp theme song. Impossible not to cherish.

1. The Forest (Season 4, episode 12)

I’m not sure if this one is a surprise or not. It might be the obvious first place, or it might be a bit of an oddball for some people.

I had a really hard time choosing between this and “The Order of the Sparrow”; I switched their places half a dozen times, and the difference in quality between the two is razor-thin. I think part of that is because it accomplishes a lot of what “Order of the Sparrow” does: puts David in a situation where he’s pushed to his absolute emotional and physical capacity, crushes every shred of hope he has left, and sees what he’s actually made of when you strip everything away. It’s much more dramatic this time around, but it’s the same basic concept.

And just like in the Season 1 finale, what we see is a man who’s determined to do good even when he isn’t rewarded for it, even when he’s actively punished for it. Who wants to love nature, and life, and make the world a better place -- despite his faults, his selfishness and thoughtlessness and anger, David proves that he is fundamentally kind. He’s not nearly as deludedly optimistic as he seems; he just refuses to stop trying.

Because somebody fuc/king has to.

I’ll admit, some of what puts this one in first place is that I’m a sucker for whump, and David really goes through the ringer. However, I also think it’s important to acknowledge the risk Joe Nicolosi took with writing this episode: it’s all centered around a single character, it’s darker and more viscerally bloody than any other episode in the show’s history, the art is focused on these grand sweeping backgrounds that must’ve taken forever to paint, and there’s very little talking in a show that runs 99% on clever dialogue. This could have so easily backfired -- and for some fans it did -- but it was brave and beautiful and breathtaking.

I’ve actually only watched this in full once. It’s really hard to get through; it’s just so intense and even disturbing. But if there’s one episode I'll remember for the rest of my life, even when I’m 80 years old and haven’t seen the show in years, it’ll be “The Forest.”

It’s funny how such a sharp departure from the format and style of the rest of the show somehow manages to perfectly capture the heart of it. Talk about a fuc/king achievement.

So what have we learned?

I don’t entirely know what the purpose of this whole exercise was. I think it was mostly to get myself a nice Camp Camp fix that came from something other than slogging through 20 different fanfic WIPs, and to remind myself of what a strange and fun ride the last 4 summers have been.

I also wanted to take a moment to acknowledge what Camp Camp means to me. This show has been hugely important to me on a personal level: I met two of my best friends through this fandom, and I’ve never been more connected to a community or readers than I have with CC. I know I bi/tch about this fandom a lot, but it’s a big extended internet family, and I’m so happy to be a part of it. Going through all these episodes, getting the chance to ramble about the things I liked and the things I didn’t, was a great way to reconnect with a series and community that I love.

So . . . what have we learned?

1. Season 4 was all over the place.

Some of this has to be due to the sheer volume of episodes, but when I sat down and organized everything into tiers:

There isn’t a single category Season 4 doesn’t have at least one episode in. I was surprised to see how high a lot of them ended up; it really was the best and worst of the show so far.

For the fun of it, I decided to give a number to each placement -- 60 points for the #1 episode, 59 for #2, etc. -- and see how each season broke down. Because that’s that kind of thing I think is worthwhile, apparently. And . . .

2. Seasons 1 and 4 are really good, actually.

Well, I don’t think anyone’s surprised to see how well Season 1 stacked up; it was amazing. But I was surprised to see how much I ended up enjoying Seasons 3 and 4, when if you’d asked me before this little project, I would’ve said they were the most underwhelming. Maybe I messed up the numbers a bit -- I’m no mathmagician -- but not only are they all really close, but Season 4 was one of my favorites.

3. This entire show is really good, actually.

One thing that really struck me when I put it all together visually is how most of the episodes sit in the “good,” “really good,” or “amazing” categories. The amount of episodes that are memorable, fun, and/or emotionally resonant is crazy. I don’t now how many other tiny cult-hit web series can say the same, honestly, and all of the writers, animators, directors/producers/other people whose jobs I don’t really understand, and voice actors should be commended for their outstanding talent and hard work.

4. Thank you, Camp Camp.

It was a real pleasure to relive all of these episodes again and think about what they meant to me. It won’t be the last time I sit down and watch this show -- and it certainly won’t be the end of my being a shrieking fangirl over it -- but with this break, where we have to get through a blazing, extremely difficult summer without a new season to fawn over, it’s nice to stop and appreciate what a precious gem of a show this is.

I hope everyone involved with Rooster Teeth is taking a much-deserved rest and prioritizing their health and well-being. Thank you for creating something truly special, and I can’t wait to see what happens next.

#campcamp #camp camp roosterteeth #thank you RT Animation for giving me my life these past 4 years #cc david #cc max #cc gwen #i'm not tagging all the characters #campcamp masterpost #i really hope this doesn't get hidden from the tags but #guys this was a super intense labor of love please check it out #but also reading it is also a super intense labor so i get it if you don't XD

84 notes · View notes

legendarynightmare-stuff · 5 years ago

Text

The story of my complete decision to become an apostate.

To start things off I had better give a little bit of context. I am Mormon. Born and bred. I have been taught since out of the womb the gospel of our church. I have grown up in the church, and like every other Mormon child I went to nursery, primary, young woman's and Sunday school. Unlike many of these children though was my hatred of church. I hated being touched by strangers, I hated being forced to stand up in front of every one on fast Sunday and say words my dad had written for me. I hated church in general.

I figured I would grow out of it, because anyone who has been raised in the church knows nothing exciting happens until you turn twelve and become "important". I did in ways. I became very close friends with another Mormon girl and if we were still part of each other's lives, I would have invited her to prom this year. That's besides the point though. Anyways. That friendship helped me attend church with a better attitude. Then my family moved. The church we now attend is considered a branch. I tiny little church where me and my siblings are the only youth. It's isolating and depressing. To help us with this loneliness my parents took me and my older brother to activities and dances. Often having to drive over an hour to spend time with youth that made me feel inferior and even more lonely.

As I got older my faith has shaken. Hard. And it's been a horrific experience. I excepted that I was not straight a few summers ago and admitted tearfully to my mother that I supported the LGBT community. That's as close to telling her I have gotten. The hatred towards LGBT people made me feel isolated, confused, and frankly angry. How dare a church that preaches kindness shun so many. That wasn't the only thing though. As I mentioned before, that while I enjoyed the dances and activities I hated being around these youth that walked around like missionaries constantly and spewed scripture verses at any moment. I started to hate the culture of the church. Even my own little isolated branch where I know everyone and everyone knows me.

I've fought with myself for months as this realization washed over me, as I began to challenge the teaches burned into my mind. I learned quickly that questions should be carefully curated before being asked or you will never receive an answer. I have had to fight with the shame and fear of losing my trust in the church. It's been a battle as I hold back from shoving my opinions of the church on my younger siblings, and showing my defiance to the teachings I no longer feel are as true as said. But then a fireside happened one night and my views of the church hit an all time low.

This fireside was unlike any I had ever attended. It was a multistake fireside and everyone was excited to go, because there was going to be two apostles visiting our little unnoticeable state. Me and my sister were the only ones attending that night. The chapel was full as was the cultural Hall. Full to brimming. People were standing sitting on the floor, and on the stage. Anywhere they could. Me and my sister got seats in the very back row. The meeting wasn't all that impressionable. It was hot and crowded and I wanted to go home. Towards the end of the meeting the apostles said they would pass a microphone around for the youth to ask them questions. Most of them were questions about the apostles ministering and other church related questions. As the time was growing to an end I noticed a not sitting on the stage with his hand held high bouncing up and down to get the attention of the person holding the mic. I hoped he would get it, and wished he hadn't.

They finally noticed him and he got the mic. He stuttered as he spoke and what he said broke my heart. He talked about how he had autism and how he was bullied relentless at school. He spilled his feelings of loneliness and thoughts of hurting himself. He asked, implored, begged for relief. He pleaded for peace of how he could feel peace. I expected the same gentle replies the other youth had gotten for their questions. I expected the same calm loving guidance. Instead this man who this little boy had spilled his pain to said,

"perhaps if you were not so selfish and focussed on others instead of yourself, you would find peace."

Fury. Pure unadulterated fury poured into my veins and sizzled in my mind. I could not believe that that was all this man could give this boy before going on a speal about how service will bring you happiness. I was beyond mad. Still am. The boy left heart broken and overwhelmed. I should have gone after him but I was a stranger.

When are parents came and picked us up I screamed and cried and ranted over the boy. I was so angry, so disgusted. My parents seemed sympathetic my mom assuring me that they were just human like the rest of us. Once I was calm enough to think this excuse was enough for me. However as I think about it more the more I don't agree.

Humans make mistakes. We say dumb stuff. Do dumb stuff. But. The reaction given to the boy was completely inhuman and cold. He did nothing to comfort this hurting child, simply pushed him away with a church approved message.

I don't know why the apostle responded to the boy in this way. I took nothing spiritual away from that fireside. Only a burning desire to fight for youth like this boy to be seen, and another hole in my already crumbling foundation.

This was long. And I'm sorry for that. But if you read it all the way through if you have any questions, ask away.

I actually posted this on queerstake awhile back before a found the community I truly feel a part of. This happened last summer and I haven't be "Mormon" since then. This was cruel inhumanity, and the other youth were too enamored to see a high standing church leader that they didn't realize how disgusting this was.

This was a deadly mistake, and one that will cause damage.

Again, as usual, fuck the LDS church

#apostake #autism #excult #fuck everything #exlds #exmormon #disgusted

63 notes · View notes

utenthy · 4 years ago

Note

uhhhmmmmmmm jotaro kakyoin joeseph. here u get multiple cuz ur epic

omg this is so many guys ok hold on this is going to get LONG

JOTAROOO 💜🦭⭐️

sexuality: gay gay homosexual gay

gender: he is EXTREMELY non-binary to me

ship: jotakak but please don’t own me for this guys like i swear to god i like it in a cool and awesome narrative foils way and not a dumb and bad way

brotp: i think him and polnareff are besties post sdc when they’re traveling together doing arrow stuff. i love them being besties very much

notp: if u ship j*tahan fr you’re very dumb and wrong and im not into jotaro/pucci which is another thing jve seen a lot

random headcanon: i think everybody and their mother agrees on autism spectrum jotaro but it is highly important to me

general opinion: i love you. i love youuuu. my favorite jojo. he has so many problems and i love him. i never stop thinking about the dio jotaro fight and the idea that he threw his life and future away just to get rid of dio. the fact that he cannot be calm and always has to be in danger still and haunted by the ptsd of being indirectly responsible for his friends deaths makes me nuts. aaaughhh. he sees himself as dangerous and a detriment to the people he loves

KAKYOIN 🍒🐸♌️

sexuality: FRUIT my GAY friend he is gay

gender: im very partial to genderfluid kakyoin but i can also see him as just gnc boy

ship: jotakak again

brotp: again polnareff cuz their handshake is awesome and they have a fun antagonism i really enjoy kak and polnareff as bestys

notp: k*kpol can go to hell and pretty much anything else. there aren’t a lot of kakyoin ships that are viable really

random headcanon: this isn’t so much a headcanon but rather it is something that’s really important to MY reading of kakyoin that you don’t act like he was some bullied helpless lonely child. he was lonely but it was self imposed. his weird ego complex around having a stand is like 100% necessary to get a good and interesting read on him imo. he didn’t have friends cuz he thought he was Above Them

general opinion: i love him SOO so much and his flaws r some of the best in jojo. his character is really really interesting to me. his arc was ALMOST perfect. jojo never quite gets there but it often gets really close and kakyoins is really stuck in my brain. i think by far the best depiction of kakyoin is done by simkjrs in he’s bad news but im no better. jotaro too really

JOSEPH 📷🟣🦾

sexuality: bad bi representation (cheater!!!!)

gender: cis man

ship: caejose i guess but i think josephs feelings about that were processed mostly posthumously

brotp: i don’t know if this is a good place to put this but ive been reading a lot of fanfiction that focuses on joseph building a better relationship with jotaro and i think their familial relationship can be done really really well and can be interesting and sweet

notp: t*mokosephs come ON. and people who make like very happy sweet suzis*ph content i just have to wonder what you’re thinking about like it’s not problematic per se i just don’t GET it like get her OUTTA THERE!!!!!

random headcanon: i don’t have much to say about joseph because he is like my least favorite jojo sorry mr joestar. umm i think senileseph is playing a prank he can hear everybody perfectly fine he just gets away with more if he acts like he doesn’t know what’s going on

overall opinion: EHHHHHH. if joseph is your favorite i feel like you’re watching a different show than me or at least getting something REALLY different out of it. i don’t mind him and i do feel some nostalgia towards him but overall yeah down there with jonathan in jojos idont really think about too much

#thank u :)#op #ask game #edit dude i forgot to add the general opinions #asks

6 notes · View notes

thistangledbrain · 4 years ago

Text

Ok y’all, I’m sorry I’m having to catch up! We got a new foster in a few days ago - a particularly broken soul - and my mind has been *entirely* on him. But he’s settling in a little now, so here’s the last 3 days in one post ☺️

Autism Acceptance Month

Day 10!

“Sensory Life”

This is sort of hard to describe, but I’ll try! This is different from the next entry about stims, though both are sensory related.

It’s like being on microdosed ‘shrooms *all the time*. If you don’t know what that’s like, I’ll try to describe (this is collaborated with a friend who regularly does this - I don’t...it would probably be far too overwhelming).

Colors are far sharper to me & I emotionally react to them far more than most people. That results in some colors being genuinely offensive - not just “I don’t like that color”, but it will make me intensely angry or physically sick. This makes me curious about chromotherapy, but I haven’t really looked into it that much. My tolerance of certain colors can ebb and flow depending on my emotional state/mindset. (This crap is so sharp, I’m actually getting a twinge of irritation just *thinking* about my most hated colors LOL 😂 🤦🏻‍♀️)

Textures/skin sensations are another big one. (By now you may be asking, how TF did this chick manage Marine Corps training/exercises?!) I guess if you want something bad enough, you can shut down some of the overwhelming aspects of the sensory thing...this ability to disassociate probably isn’t what NT’s would call “healthy”, but it’s quite handy if you’re autistic, and those of us who have been through real trauma seem to be especially skilled with our ability to just shut off all circuits and “embrace the suck”). Like...I’ll nearly panic to get out of a store or something if my underwear starts feeling uncomfortable, but I’ve literally been soaked head to toe, covered in mud and sand in my *everywhere* (and I HATE SAND anywhere but on my feet) AND I pissed myself, because nobody’s gonna stop shooting/training just because you have to go potty 🙄), and I remember literally giving zero fucks about it...so it really is entirely a mindset thing. But let’s talk about when I’m NOT in “Marine mode” (cuz let’s face it, it’s been close to two decades since I got out, and I no longer HAVE to tolerate overwhelming sensations).

Sensory input is just basically dialed to 11 & the knob’s been snapped off. Bright lights, loud discordant noises, too much touching/not touching the right way, things like that. I am particularly sensitive about body hair (my own). I *strongly* prefer to have my head shaved on the back and sides (but I leave the top long). The only time I haven’t done this, was in the Marines (it was considered “eccentric” and not allowed, so they made me grow it out). Even though I leave the main part long, it’s *always* in a bun or ponytail - well, unless I’m super dressed up for something, but even then I prefer some sort of updo. Despite the fact that I like my long hair (well on the top anyway), I can’t *stand* the way it feels on my neck or especially my face - I HATE IT when my hair touches my face. If I wasn’t married...there’s a decent chance I’d just shave it all off and be done with it LOL 😆 My ponytail pulled through the back of a baseball hat is I guess what they’d call my “signature look”.

And you think NT’s have bad misophonia? *I’ve jumped out of a moving vehicle before* to get away from the noise of someone chewing loudly/smacking their lips in the back seat (he was a coworker and punching him in the mouth - which is what I DESPERATELY wanted to do - would have gotten me fired 😕)...but humans eating, or dogs licking their junk, makes me want to crawl out of my own skin. It’s mostly humans though....you have *no idea* the level of self discipline it takes to keep me from either rage crying or actually getting violent around someone smacking their mouth during a meal. I *cannot* be around my husband when he’s eating breakfast cereal even though he’s a very mannered eater - I don’t know why, but it’s *so loud* (and I’m terribly hard of hearing) - it sounds like he’s chewing rocks. It took us years to work this problem out LOL - he thought it was dumb that I had such a deeply emotional reaction. Then he tried to “chew quietly”, which all that did was slow down the rock tumbler inside his mouth 😂...gradually, for everyone’s sanity, we realized that cereal eating should not be done in close proximity to each other lololol....and now, when it’s time for family meals around the table, I’ve learned to either keep the range hood fan going (white noise is definitely my friend), or have the TV on. If it’s just mainly the sound of everyone chewing, I simply won’t eat at the table. I lose my appetite. (And all of my dinner guests/family are very polite diners. It’s MY hangup.) Phone calls are another big one. I could probably come up with several reasons why I hate it...I LOATHE it. This is one sensory hangup some people in my family just refuse to accept. I don’t think they realize I equate unexpected or immediately demanded phone calls to running naked though a mall or getting a root canal. Hissssssssss!! Give me some time to prepare myself for this shit please - you’re actually asking a *lot* from me. (And when I do have a call? Ugh I babble and am so awkward, because I’m so effing uncomfortable, which I also hate.)

But here’s an area where my “sensory overload” serves me very well:

Dogs.

I am usually *intensely* dialed into the energy and body language of an animal, but particularly dogs. I’m *so* sensitive to them, that I often actually can feel things even happening behind my back - can basically sense the energy in the area shift. (Roughly 75% of the time. I’m spacey sometimes too LOL.) The work I do with “behaviorally challenged” dogs is the biggest area where I am *grateful* for my autistic mind. I don’t think I could really do the things I do without it, successfully. (I can do this to a large degree with people as well, as can my youngest son. You cannot lie to that boy about your feelings or mood.)

We all have different levels of sensory sensitivity and different triggers, but every autistic I know has several “sensory hangups”. It often is one of our biggest hurdles to deal with, when it comes to “normal functioning”. So, many of us constantly have headphones (or muffs) on, some of us wear sunglasses *all the time*, etc (I wear a baseball hat - and I genuinely don’t like going anywhere where I have to get dressed up and can’t wear my hat. Been like that since my early teens. That hat shields me from all sorts of real and imagined sensory triggers.) You do what you can to mitigate, you know? But my “microdosing shrooms” and “knob dialed to 11 and snapped off” is really the best way I can summarize. (And that’s not all bad - my trips into a new natural space, like the redwoods, is an absolute *thrill*. I also occasionally love sensory overload - many auties do - like rollercoasters. My youngest son and I can ride till we pass out LOL!) So sensory life is love/hate, really....but I don’t think I’d change much about it.

Except the fucking misophonia. I hate that I go into almost a murderous rage over someone just chewing food loudly 🤦🏻‍♀️ - but seriously. It’s impolite anyway. Don’t do it. 😆

———————————————————

Day 11!

Stims

This is one of the biggest areas where neurotypicals struggle to understand us.

We all have stims. Stims are basically any stimulus that brings us joy or comfort. It could be rocking, flapping, walking in tight little circles, clicking your fingernails together, spinning, making weird sounds or whistling, etc. And it’s usually repetitive - that’s the part that gets on people’s nerves.

I’ve found that most *women* hide most of our stims. We only let go and stim our little hearts out when we’re alone. I do that, because some of my stims grate on my husband. Sometimes I don’t WANT to feel “watched” anyway...I’ve noticed males don’t have quite the same issue with that.

I have quiet stims I do to soothe myself, and happy stims. One of my quieter stims when I’m trying to soothe myself (like in public) is clicking my teeth, particularly my right canines. I also have this silicone bite stick I wear around my neck sometimes, that I chew on (my sons like the bite sticks as well). I carry a little bag of fidget toys in my purse, to soothe myself with when I’m stressed. There’s a thing sort of like a fidget cube, a little cowrie shell and twine bracelet that I fiddle with almost like a rosary, a small stuffed axolotyl (her name is Blossom), and a few other toys. My little stash also comes in damn handy when I encounter a bored child LOL!

One of my sons makes funny little sound effects randomly (and he’s grown & still does it). The other used to randomly shriek when he was younger - then he learned how to whistle, so he couldn’t say a whole sentence without punctuating it with little whistles (we actually thought it was adorable).

My favorite stim is putting my headphones on, putting on some favorite music, sitting with my legs crossed, closing my eyes, and rocking. I’m happy to TELL you about this stim, but it’s one I do alone, because I like to get completely lost in it and I can’t do that if I feel I’m being watched...and you’ll damn near give me a heart attack if you touch me while I’m lost in that world. (And boy does it irritate me to get yanked out of that before I’m ready, for some bullshit non emergency reason.) Better to just isolate myself (except my dogs are always with me). Another one I do alone - and I have no idea why i like it so much - is squeaking my bite stick across my teeth. (This one is weird to me because I usually HATE my teeth being touched...yes dentists are a problem.) This one I enjoy doing kind of mindlessly while I read, but damn would it irritate anyone in listening distance LOL...I mean, it would irritate the shit out of ME if someone else was doing it, because *other people’s* repetition, especially if it makes noise, gets on my damned nerves. 🙄 Figures lmao!

Stims can be damaging sometimes, though. Like I used to twist and twirl my hair when I was younger so much that the areas I usually grabbed were frayed and broken (I also chewed my hair sometimes). One stim I cannot break myself of even though sometimes it’ll make me bleed, is chewing the insides of my cheeks or my lips. That’s my most frequent (several times a day) one, and the one that is both gratifying *and* soothing. It’s also the one that’s hardest to suppress.

Some auties are either unaware or literally don’t care how you feel about their stims, but I am and do. I’d like to think I’m pretty “appropriate” *most* of the time with my stims and other people around, except the lip/cheek chewing. If my husband notices I’ve gotten pretty furious about it (even using my hand to push my cheek into optimal biting position), he’ll gently put his hands on mine to bring me back to awareness - if I’m gnawing away, I’m either super stressed or way lost in thought. Either way, I can accidentally hurt myself, so he gently guides me away/distracts me.

Stimming is an important part of Autie life and should not be discouraged unless it hurts Your Pet Autie ™️.

And if you’re looking for a neat gift for an Autie? They actually make stim toy packs. Get them one, they’re fun. ☺️ (Most stim toys are designed to withstand being put in mouths and bitten/chewed, too - LOTS of us have oral fixations.) And hey, even if you’re a NT, try stimming sometime (lots of normal people have stims, they just don’t realize that’s what they are - like nail biting. Bite your nails a lot? Get a bite stick!! God they’re so satisfying!)....

Happy stimming!

———————————————-

Day 12!

“Favorite Autism Charity”

This one is short and easy: ASAN. Autism Self Advocacy Network.

“The Autistic Self Advocacy Network is a nonprofit organization run by and for individuals with autism. According to its mission statement, the Network’s goal is ‘to empower autistic people across the world to take control of our own lives and the future of our common community, and seek to organize the autistic community to ensure our voices are heard in the national conversation about us.’”

————————————————-

Day 13!

“Family”

Well that’s kinda ambiguous, isn’t it? 😒

I’ll start with this tack:

Being an autistic mom with autistic kids.

I mean for years, none of us KNEW LOL - and maybe that’s what took me so long to get around to pursuing a formal diagnosis for my youngest. To me, for the longest time, he was just sensitive and different like me (same with my oldest, for the most part, but I’m pretty sure that was me buying into the “brilliant people are just fucking weird ok” mindset also), yannow? So it was like, “well mama always told me I’d have one like me & then know what I put her through” 🙄 My oldest got lumped into the “all bright kids are quirky” category - but as I learned about ASD through my youngest and myself, it became damn obvious the oldest was also in our camp. (He’s taken the prelim test now anyway, but is not formally diagnosed.) I genuinely believe that our “shared weirdness” binds us very tightly to each other - and I’m super pleased about that.

It brought a whole new level of understanding and awareness within our little family when we realized it was ASD I guess - and acceptance. (I 100% believe that diagnosis - or even affirmation - is critical to our self acceptance and understanding.) I wouldn’t trade my little family for anything, and consider myself remarkably blessed. I can talk about how complex and brilliant my boys are ALL day (and often do LOL). Hubby is neurodivergent, and can identify with (or at least sympathize with) MANY of our hangups....but he’s “normal” enough that he’s been able to guide us (mostly me) with things like how to use tact (not often a skill we naturally possess lmao). My heart breaks when I read posts by auties whose families either don’t understand or don’t accept them & are constantly trying to basically mute who they are. Auties “live out loud”, and some people find that off putting. I know growing up, I was constantly getting my ass chewed for being “dramatic” or too sensitive, too, so I shut down and hid my sensitivity far, far away. I’m only *lately* (last few years) discarding that silly tough girl mask. (I can still be quite the little wolverine at times, but I’m not afraid to show my soft sensitive actual self anymore...to stay soft in today’s fucked up world takes actual courage - a lot of it - and strength. I was looking at the concept of being “strong” entirely the wrong way.)

I swear my husband has lived with nearly as many phases and facets, as years we’ve been together. Sometimes I ask him if this ever bothers him. He says no, because who I am at my core never changes...and he grins and says “and you damn sure aren’t boring” 😂

But since I’ve known I’m autistic, I’ve given myself more freedom to discover who I am without these socially dictated parameters. And permission to be precisely who I am, without cringing apologies when the real me shines through awkwardly.

And my husband and boys have been there every step of the way, embracing me, as we do with them. ♥️

Yeah. I love my family. We’re some pretty cool people. 😁

2 notes · View notes