#this post is sponsored by my insomnia

[nanamis-bigtie]

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sponsor a WIP - $1 for 100 words

puzzle night | higuruma x afab!reader x kusakabe

cw: smut, one night stand, threesome, reader with a vagina summary: insomnia-ridden night leads to an accidental meeting at a konbini. all three of you seek snacks, alcohol and company to chew through sleepless hours, and from word to word you end up at your place and join forces to tackle the puzzles you left scattered in your living room.

estimated word count: 5000 current word count: 0 words sponsored: 500/5000

beggar's privilege | toji x plus size afab!reader

cw: smut, friends with benefits, sex in exchange of a favor, reader with a vagina summary: toji is one of your favorite regulars at the shady bar where you're working. he's often cashless but he keeps shady guys at distance and helps you around in exchange for food. sometimes though the help you need has nothing to do with your work.

estimated word count: 5000 current word count: 0 words sponsored: 2000/5000

sugar and spice | nanami x plus size afab!reader

cw: smut, nanami lives!au, newly married couple, reader with a vagina summary: after the tragedy of shibuya and forced retirement, nanami is determined to catch up on every joy he missed. and you are the greatest joy of his life, you and your cooking he can taste now whenever he wants.

estimated word count: 5000 current word count: 0 words sponsored: 0/5000

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zoro x reader for @acidsbeats

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Dividers by saradika

[sequinsmile-x]

Coup de Grâce

Something had to give, she knew that, and she couldn't let it be her family.

-x-

Note: Tags aren't working properly because *tumblr* so I can't do the tag list currently. For context - I have to type the list ON MY PHONE and even that isn't working beyond the first 5 tags. I'll figure out a long term plan - but if you want to be notified for now maybe turn on post notifications for me!

-x-

Hi friends,

This is very much sponsored by my recent insomnia and a recent re-watch of Grey's Anatomy from the start. As with every fic I've ever written in the middle of the night when I can't sleep this has a LOT of feels.

The 5 + 1 fic I've been talking about is coming I promise <3

Please let me know what you think about this, it's been a hot minute since I wrote something sad so I hope I've still got it.

-x-

Warnings: Alzheimer's

Read over on Ao3, or under the cut

She’s slow to wake up, her body heavy as she rolls onto her back, groaning and pushing the heels of her hands into her eyes.

“Morning, sweetheart.” 

She opens her eyes, her lashes almost glued together by sleep and exhaustion, and she looks at her husband, unsurprised to find him already awake and dressed sitting on her side of the bed. His hand is on her waist, his thumb tracing slowly back and forth across the edge of her ribcage. 

“Morning,” she rasps, and the sound of her voice makes her wince, thick and rough and another indicator of how tired she was, “I’m sorry I got home so late.” 

Aaron and the kids had been asleep when she got home. She’d checked in on Jack as she walked past his room, leaning down to kiss his forehead and tuck the covers back around him from where they’d slipped down in his sleep. She’d done the same for Hazel, taking a moment to tuck some of her dark hair behind her ear, staring at the 7-year-old’s features in the low light of the room. She felt a brief flash of panic when she found her youngest daughter’s room empty, but when she realised that the bed hadn’t even been slept in, still as neatly made as it had been that morning, there would only be one place she’d find her. 

It had eased some of the tension in her chest that was ever present these days when she walked into the master bedroom to find Aaron and Ivy fast asleep, the 4-year-old tucked up against her father, her tiny fingers tangled in the neckline of his t-shirt. Emily had barely remembered to take her make-up off before she changed into her pjyamas and climbed into bed with them, curling herself around her husband and her little girl, seeking out the comfort that only they and Jack and Hazel could bring. 

“It’s okay,” he says, squeezing her waist, pressing his love into her through the callouses on his thumb and fingers, the slight roughness of his skin against hers drawing her back to herself a little, “I’m sorry I had to wake you up, I let you sleep in as much as I could but Garica just called about a case.” 

She sighs and she sits up, immediately sinking into the embrace he always had ready and waiting for her. Her cheek presses against his suit jacket and she smiles when he kisses her forehead, “Are the kids okay? Ivy was in here when I got home.” 

“They’re fine, they are all downstairs eating breakfast,” he assures her, running his hand up and down her back, “Ivy asked if she could sleep in here and we both know I can’t say no to her.” 

She hums and pulls back to look at him, “She knows that too.” 

He smiles and she can’t help but cup his cheek, her thumb against his dimple as she tugs him in for a kiss, the press of his lips against hers warming her from the inside out. She rests her forehead against his after she pulls back, desperate to have a few moments of solitude with the man she loves, something that had always been rare but was close to non-existent these days. It left her on edge, uneasy in a way that she hadn’t felt in years, and she could feel her long buried instinct to run clawing its way out where she’d buried it. 

“How was your mom last night?” 

His question makes her sigh, her eyes drifting shut as she holds him a little tighter, her fist creasing the material of his freshly-pressed jacket, “Like she always is,” she pulls back and looks at him, her smile sad, “She thought I was a nurse, which I guess is better than thinking I’m the sister she hasn’t spoken to in 30 years,” she sighs, and it catches on a humourless laugh, her chest aching with it, “At least this way she actually talks to me. She was mostly talking about me to me though. And the kids.” 

When she looked back on it, the early warning signs had been there for a while. Her mother had become forgetful, missing dinners they’d planned and Jack’s birthday, his card and gift arriving a few days late after Emily had prompted her. It had been easy enough to dismiss as a sign of just getting older, nothing more nefarious than the forgetfulness that came with still leading a busy life. Emily had tried to talk Elizabeth into retiring, or at least pull back on the amount of work she was doing for a while, but she’d always refused, claiming that staying busy kept her healthy. It was only when the personality change had started, when she’d show disinterest in her grandchildren, that Emily realised something was wrong. Things had deteriorated quickly, and only a few months after her diagnosis, the world Alzheimer's and its impact still reverberating outwards, the ripples of it still leaving the ground beneath them shaky, Elizabeth was now living in a home.

Even though she no longer recognised her, Emily went to visit her every evening after work. It felt like her penance, like she deserved to sit opposite the woman who had barely shown her affection even when she did recognise her, because she should have seen what was happening sooner. No matter what Aaron said, no matter how he tried to assure her that this wasn’t something she could have changed, she was sure that if she wasn’t so caught up in her own life, if she wasn’t so busy basking in the beautiful, ordinary happiness she’d found she would have seen the change in Elizabeth before she had. 

“She talked about the kids?” Aaron asks, tucking some of her hair behind her ear, his touch lingering on her neck afterwards, the beat of her pulse beneath his fingertips. 

“Yeah,” her smile shakes and she looks down, “She told me she has a grandson called Jack and a newborn granddaughter called Hazel,” she presses her lips together as her eyes meet his, “She doesn’t seem to remember Ivy at all.” 

Her mother may not have ever been the mother she’d wanted or needed, but she’d been a fantastic grandmother from the get-go. She’d lavished Jack, and the girls when they came along, with the attention and love Emily had always craved, what she’d looked for in all the wrong places for most of her life. On her worst days, Emily envied what her children had with Elizabeth, hated that it took becoming a grandmother for her to soften in the way she’d always refused to do for her own daughter. 

Aaron sighs, something she feels pass from his chest to hers, “Em-”

“We should get going,” she says, her smile tight as she removes herself from his grip and stands up. If she let herself fall apart, if she let him comfort her like she so desperately wanted, she wasn’t sure she’d be able to slot all the pieces of her back into place. The weight of it all was too much. Her job, her family who she missed even though they were right here with her, her mother and the illness she couldn’t save her from, “I haven’t even showered yet.” 

She can feel him watching her from where he’s still sitting on the bed, his gaze unrelenting as he weighs if it’s worth pushing her to talk to him or not, but he relents, he stands up and walks over, his touch ghosting across her waist as he kisses her temple. 

“I’ll go make you some tea and something to eat.” 

She smiles her thanks and watches him go. Her smile falls the moment she’s alone and she closes her eyes, breathing out a slow breath, the taste of sorrow thick on her tongue, before she shakes her head at herself and starts the day. 

___

She’s grateful when the case is local, that she won’t have to go across the country on top of everything else. 

She only half listens as Penelope briefs them, embarrassment burning up her neck when she asks a question she realises has already been answered during the briefing. It’s one of many tiny mistakes she’d been making lately, another question she usually wouldn’t ask, another moment which made her feel like she was failing at everything. Aaron cuts Derek off as he tries to tease her with a stern look and a clearing of his throat, and it’s forgotten by everyone other than her. 

No one knew about her mother’s illness. It was one of the last promises Emily had made to her during one of their last conversations when Elizabeth was lucid, her reputation and image important to her until the end. It meant that not only did the team not know about what was happening, but that Emily and Aaron were actively lying to them. They turned down pasta nights and nights out, their life now a pattern of work, visits to the home and far too little family time for Emily’s liking. 

Emily knew it didn’t stop there, that Aaron was covering for her with the higher-ups too. She’d been making errors in her paperwork that he was correcting for her with no comment, something she’d only found out when she overheard Strauss talking to another Section Chief in the bathroom. She hadn’t mentioned it to Aaron yet, not sure if she was angry or thought it was sweet, or if it was somewhere between the two, but it was just another thing that was falling at the wayside whilst her life collapsed in on her. 

She’s trying to read a crime scene report when she hears it, a voice she hasn’t heard in years pulling her out of her work as she looks up, a friend of her mother’s, a fellow ambassador, walking toward her. 

“Emily Prentiss, it’s been a long time,” she says, smiling widely as Emily stands up and shakes her hand. 

“Ambassador Diaz,” she says, her eyes flicking over to Aaron standing just a few paces behind the woman in front of her, “What are you doing here?” 

“Oh please, call me Claudia. And I was just helping Agent Hotchner with some details about the case you’re on,” she says, her smile wide, and Emily wonders when she’d missed that detail about the case, if it was something Penelope had explained to them that morning, “I understand he’s your husband.” 

Emily chuckles and nods, knowing that Claudia’s curiosity would have been piqued by the pictures she would have seen on Aaron’s desk, “Yes, he” she replies, smiling at Aaron, “You don’t get much chance to date outside of the BAU, so there were limited options.” 

Aaron rolls his eyes, the joke a familiar one, something she’d made at countless events of her mother’s that they’d gone to together over the years. It was her way of fighting back against the intrigue, the underlying implication of what it meant to not only be married to her boss, but to a man they’d consider beneath her. 

Claudia smiles politely, “How is your mother by the way? I haven’t seen her in a long time, is she on assignment?” 

It feels like the air has been sucked out of the room and her lungs burn with it, the seemingly innocent question one she should have anticipated but hadn’t. The team's curious gaze that mere seconds ago hadn’t bothered her makes her skin tingle, and she swallows thickly, well aware that she had to give a suitable answer that wouldn’t draw attention to everything she’d been hiding for months. 

“Yes,” she replies, looking at Aaron again, the empathy and love she can see in his eyes threatening to overwhelm her, “She’s in the Middle East.” 

“Oh,” Claudia replies, her smile still endlessly polite, “Well, next time you speak to her tell her I send my regards.”

Emily nods, shaking her hand again as she turns to leave, their polite interaction, something her childhood had been stuffed full of, at an end, “I will.” 

She excuses herself from the bullpen as soon as it won’t draw attention to her. She sneaks down a hallway that is always quiet, the supply closet at the end of it rarely used since the one with all the best stationery was closer to their desks. She leans against the wall, the lie about her mother still sitting on her tongue, the weight of it pressing on her lungs. She crosses her arms over her chest and blows out a shaky breath, her eyes closed as she rests her head back against the wall, the slight thunk of it echoing throughout the empty hallway. 

Her solitude is brief, the clicking of Penelope’s heels on the floor giving her away a second before she speaks. 

“Em, are you alright?”

She suppresses a bitter laugh, “Yeah,” she says, standing up straight and turning to look at her friend, “I’m fine, I just needed a minute.” 

She tries to step past Penelope but she stands in her way, her hands on her hips in defiance as she stops Emily from even asking her what she is doing, “If you think that’s going to satisfy me you have another thing coming,” she says, her tone as fierce as it ever got, “You and boss man have been shady for months,” she wraps her arm around Emily’s shoulder and starts to lead her down the hallway, “At first, I thought you might be making me an aunt again to one of your gorgeous children.” 

Emily laughs as she lets herself be led towards Penelope’s office, “Pen, I’m 48. I don’t know if another kid would be more of an inconvenience or a miracle.” 

Penelope hums sympathetically and closes her office door behind them, only letting go of Emily once they are alone, “And when it became clear that wasn’t what was going on…” she clears her throat as she sits down and encourages Emily to do the same thing, “I…did some sleuthing.” 

Emily’s eyes go wide, anger burning through her quickly, so hot and fierce it burns out before she can express it. It’s chased by anxiety, forcing her to swallow thickly, “What did you do?” 

Penelope has the decency to look embarrassed, her cheeks tinged almost the same shade of pink as her cardigan and she clasps her hands together in her lap, “I want to make it clear everything I did I did out of love and concern. The last time you were acting like this was when Doyle was after you and-”

“Pen,” she says, cutting her off, not needing the reminder of one of the worst times of her life on top of everything else, “What did you do?” 

Penelope sighs at the repeated question and she sighs, her lips briefly pressed together before she answers, “I know about your mom.” 

Even though she could see that this was where the conversation was going, it still feels like a kick to the gut. She stares at her friend for a moment, conflicting feelings of anger and relief that someone knew mixing in her gut, “How did you find out?” 

“You were disappearing after work so frequently, and I heard Ivy say she missed you tucking her at night the last time I saw her. And I know how important that is to you so I knew something was wrong,” Penelope says, and Emily somehow feels worse at the mention of her youngest, guilt that her little girl was missing her threatening to drown her, “So…I tracked your phone one night and saw you were spending your evenings at a nursing home out in Arlington,” she wrings her hands together in her lap, “After that, it wasn’t hard to put together.” 

She chuckles, the sound catching in her throat and she shakes her head, “Most people would think I was cheating on my husband or something.” 

It’s a bad joke, but it makes Penelope smile, and it’s enough to make Emily feel more comfortable. 

“Well, if you weren’t so disgustingly in love with Hotch I’m sure it would have crossed my mind,” she says, reaching out and placing her hand on Emily’s arms, “Why didn’t you tell us?” 

She shrugs half-heartedly, “She said she didn’t want anyone to know. And even though…even though she’s not really there anymore, and everything that made her her has been stripped away, I didn’t want to betray that.” 

Penelope squeezes her arm, “I won’t tell anyone,” she says, “I haven’t told anyone,” she adds, “But I wanted you to know that I know, so you have someone else to talk to if you want.” 

She still isn’t sure how she should feel, if this was an invasion of her privacy she shouldn’t let slide, but right now, still unsteady from her encounter with someone from her mother’s life, she was grateful for it. 

“Do you know what she has?” She asks, and Penelope shakes her head. 

“Only that she’s been a resident there for five months.” 

Emily nods, “She has Alzheimer’s, it’s advanced. She no longer remembers who I am, and she doesn’t really know where she is,” she swallows thickly, her tongue pressed against the roof of her mouth as she tries to stop herself from crying, a humourless laugh escaping as she tries to relax. 

“Oh, Peaches, I’m sorry. It’s an awful disease.” 

“It’s also completely removed her filter. So she’s finally saying every awful thought she’s ever had about me,” she smiles sadly and purposely avoids her friend's gaze, her sympathy burning through her skin, leaving behind marks Emily was sure would be permanent, her emotional trauma on display for everyone to see in a grim pattern painted across her face, “Except, she’s not saying them to me. She’s saying them to my 7-year-old daughter who she thinks is me,” she hears Penelope’s gasp, as if her imagination could conjure up just how awful it had been to hold her little girl as she cried and begged to know why grandma had said all those horrible things. Hazel had fallen asleep pressed up against her that night, her face warm and sticky on Emily’s neck, her daughter’s grief and confusion a vice around her heart that even Aaron hadn’t been able to loosen. “So now I don’t take the kids to go and see her because I won’t put them through it. Aaron stays home with them and I go and see her alone and it’s awful. And part of me wonders why I go at all because she doesn’t know me, and even if she speaks about me it’s not kind. But…”

She drifts off, the rest of her sentence stuck in her throat, bitter and cloying as she struggles to say it. It’s like she’s drowning on dry land, pulled under by a riptide of grief that was pre-emptive and too late all at once. Grief for the relationship she never had with her mother. Grief for the one she did have that was now gone. Grief for when she’d lose her entirely, when her children would lose her too, when they’d lose the grandmother who, until recently, had done nothing but shower them with the love and kindness Emily had craved as a child. 

It would be Hazel and Ivy’s first brush with death and Jack’s second, something Emily had hoped to spare them for a little longer. 

“She’s still your mom.”

It’s only when she looks up at Penelope that she realises she’d looked away at all, her focus having unintentionally fallen to her wedding rings as she twisted them around her fingers. A nervous habit that had long replaced picking at her cuticles, the touch of the metal against her skin, the spin of it as the diamonds of her engagement ring knocked on the neighbouring fingers, a well-needed reminder that she wasn’t alone. That she hadn’t been in years. 

“Yeah,” she pressed her lips together to contain the shake of them, “She’s still my mom.”

___

It’s late when she gets home.

She sighs as she steps into the house, her shoulders slumping the second she closes the front door and shrugs off her jacket. She’s nothing short of relieved when Aaron appears in the hallway, his socks dulling his footfall against the hardwood floor, because the thought of not speaking to him, of having to make do with falling asleep next to him and hoping his warmth would make her feel better, almost too much to bear. 

“Hi, sweetheart,” he says as he makes it to her side, his lips against her forehead, “Did you eat?” 

She nods, thinking idly about the takeout wrappers stuffed in the door of her car, and she places her hand on his shoulder to steady herself as she unzips her boots, “Yeah, I had dinner on the way home.” 

He drops his hands to her waist, holding her still as she switches to her other boot, “Do you want something to drink?” He asks, and she nods, “Wine or hot chocolate?” 

She smiles as she lowers her foot back to the floor, “Hot chocolate,” she says, tugging him closer as he tries to step away, pressing herself against his chest, using the height difference now she was no longer in heels to tuck her head underneath his chin, “Can we do this first, though?” 

He doesn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around her, his embrace firm and soft all at once as he tilts his head just enough to drop a kiss on her hairline, “Of course,” he replies, “Want to go sit on the couch for a bit?”

She nods and they walk towards the living room together, their arms still wrapped around the other, tangling them like vines. She practically sits on top of him on the couch, her legs over his lap, her arms wrapped around one of his as she hugs it to her chest, and her cheek on her shoulder. She was trying to leach all the comfort out of him, all the love and affection she knew would make everything better if it was possible, if him loving her was enough to make her mother better, if it could stop the inevitable, she knew it would. 

“How was it tonight?” He asks softly, his spare hand heavy and warm on her thigh, his thumb tracing back and forth on the seam of her pants.

“I told her that I saw Claudia,” she smiles sadly, pulling back to look at him, “She lit up like she hasn’t in weeks. She told me about a time when they were on the same assignment back in 1978,” she presses her lips together, “She said something about me too. Said her daughter was wild and unruly,” she shakes her head, her laugh sad as it bursts past her ribs, “But I would have been Hazel’s age…and just a normal 7-year-old. Then she asked if I have kids.” 

His eyes drift closed as he sighs, his grip on her leg tighter for a second, and he kisses her forehead, “Em, if you took a break from visiting no one would judge you,” he pulls back to look at her, I know it’s not easy.”

She shakes her head, already dismissing the suggestion he’d tried to raise before, “No, I can’t. It wouldn’t feel right,” she licks her lips before she bites the lower one, her teeth sinking into the flesh of it as she gives herself a moment to prepare herself for what she’d wanted to say for weeks, “I do think something has to give though.” 

He frowns, his hand leaving her thigh, the phantom feel of it still lingering, so he can tuck some of her hair behind her ear, “What do you mean?” 

“I feel like I’m failing at everything, Aaron,” she says, shaking her head as she looks at him, “I’m failing at being a daughter, at being a mother, a wife. I keep making mistakes at work and…something has got to give and it cannot be this,” she says, her hand thrown up as she indicates their home, what it represents, “It can’t be our family.” 

“Em, sweetheart, you aren’t failing at anything, least of all being a mom and a wife,” he says fiercely, protective of her even when it was her he was protecting her from.

“I feel like I hardly see the kids at the moment,” she says, shaking her head, “And I know you’re covering for me at work with some things,” she adds, her lips twitching into a smile when he frowns in confusion, “I heard Strauss talking about the paperwork.” 

He clears his throat, “Em-”

“I’m not mad,” she clarifies, reaching for his hand and tangling it with hers, “I know you’re just trying to help. But…I’ve been thinking about it and I think I should take a leave of absence from work until…” she trails off, the fact that the thing that would bring this stressful season of her life to an end would be her mother dying a painful reality she didn’t know how to face. 

“Until things are a little easier,” he finishes for her, always in pace with her and what she was thinking. 

She nods, “Yeah,” she replies, her voice thick as tears she’d been suppressing all day push at the back of her eyes, “I could go see Mom during the day, the nurses say she’s a little more lucid then anyway, and then I could be here in the evenings,” she wipes her cheeks as tears splash down onto them, “I could pick the kids up from school and pretend I’m not going to take them for doughnuts on the way home,” her smile shakes as he smiles at her softly, his thumb delicate against her skin as he wipes her tears away for her, “And I could put Ivy to bed, help Jack and Hazel with their homework. I could just be their mom again, instead of the daughter of someone who doesn’t even know who I am.” 

He nods, pulling her closer as he rubs comforting circles on her back, the warmth of her tears burning against the skin of his neck, “I’ll support you no matter what, sweetheart,” he turns his head to kiss her cheek, “You know that. I’ll go to talk to Strauss with you tomorrow if you want.” 

She nods and pulls back, “Yes, I’d like that.” 

He opens his mouth to respond, but is cut off by a tiny voice in the doorway, “Mommy?”

They both turn to see Ivy standing there, her hair and pjyamas wrinkled, her favourite toy, a stuffed sloth that Penelope had bought her, hanging from her hand and dragging along the floor. 

“Hi sweet girl,” Emily says, “You should be sleeping.” 

“Bad dream,” Ivy replies, still rubbing at her eyes, her lower lip trembling a little. Emily pulls back from Aaron and holds her arms out.

“Come here, sweetie,” she says, smiling when Ivy wastes no time in running over, all but throwing herself into her mother’s arms after she clambers onto the couch, “Mommy’s got you,” she kisses her head, breathing in the comforting scent of her little girl, “Want to tell me and Daddy about the dream.” 

“There’s a monster in my closet,” she says seriously, a frown that was all Aaron fixed across her face as she looks at her parents, “He got you Mommy.”

The ache in her chest is palpable, hollow and full of grief at the knowledge that her daughter’s subconscious would have picked up on her increased absence at home. She holds Ivy even tighter, and feels Aaron do the same as he loops his arms around them both. 

“I’m right here, baby,” she says, “And you know what Daddy is really good at?” She says, fake enthusiasm wrapped around every word, “He’s the best monster chaser in the world.”

Ivy’s eyes go wide as she looks between the two of them, “Really?” 

“Really,” Emily confirms, looking up at her husband, “He chases mine away all the time.” It’s an all too brief moment of sincerity between the two of them, hidden in the pretence of calming down their daughter, but she knows he understands, his hold on her briefly tighter before he unwraps himself from around them. 

“I also make the best hot chocolate in the world,” he says, winking at Ivy when she smiles widely, delighted by the idea of her favourite drink, “I’ll go chase away the monster and make some hot chocolate,” he drops kisses to each of their foreheads, “You two sit here and look pretty.” 

Emily hums, love for him filling the gap in her chest, allowing her to forget, however briefly, just how complicated life had become recently. 

“Good thing we’re excellent at that, huh Ivy?” She says, smiling when the little girl nods as she settles in her lap. Ivy’s smile fades and she presses her hand to Emily’s cheek, her fingers touching drying tear tracks. 

“Mommy, are you sad?” 

She sighs and grabs Ivy’s hand, pressing a kiss to her tiny knuckles, “I’m a little sad, baby. But I’ll be okay.” 

Ivy frowns and leans forward, stamping a kiss on her mother’s forehead, something Emily did for all of her children when they were sick or sad. When she pulls back she has a serious look on her face, and the expression makes her look so much like Aaron it makes Emily ache. 

“Better?” 

In reality, she knew nothing had changed. She still needed to get her leave of absence approved, still needed to figure out what she wanted to do long term, how she’d balance looking after her mother and everything that came with it and her family. But right in this moment, the phantom feel of a kiss from her daughter still tingling on her forehead, the press of her little girl's innocence passing from her skin into her own, she lets herself feel better. 

“Yes, sweet girl,” she says, hugging Ivy to her chest, “I’m feeling much better.” 

[amiharana]

more revalink hcs from this post part 4

previous revalink hcs here: x x x

full disclosure i rearranged and took out some of the questions around because a handful of them were related to cooking/eating and it's like. what else can i say other than link is disaster gay who can cook and revali is disaster gay who can drive

who’s the first to wake up in the morning

if you've read the sleepy link x coddler revali fic, you know what's up but here's a quick recap:

at first it was link because of his insomnia, hypervigilance, or his nightmares, and it would end up waking revali up too, because revali is a light sleeper

but gradually, link relearns how to sleep in again, comforted by the warmth and steadiness of revali's embrace, and now revali is the one who wakes up first by default and he stays in bed with link cuddled up on his chest, admiring how soft and peaceful his beloved songbird is <3

who’s the one to make breakfast:

revali is the type of person who doesn't eat breakfast because he can't stomach food that early in the morning (i'm projecting again) and him and link wake up pretty early as per the previous concept

but link always makes him eat a little bit because he's a firm believer that breakfast is the most important meal of the day!

(in the future, link is the type to cook a big meal for every mealtime to sit down and eat with revali and their babies, because food is his love language 🥹)

who orders lunch

if link isn't around to make his food, it's revali

bitch would be living on that hellofresh shit if it weren't for link making their food all the time

could you imagine youtuber!revali doing a hellofresh sponsor

"yes, well, i suppose i should offer the proper gratitude for the sponsor of today's video, hellofresh. without my boyfriend or you, i might have starved to death and left the world one less god for its mortals to walk with."

who steals food from the other’s plate without asking

link LMFAO he's just a hungry little guy

"link, you have your own plate with twice the amount of servings on it."

"i cooked the food, i can eat whatever i want even if it's on your plate!"

revali is so soft for him though, he'll let link eat as much as he wants

revalink but they're the yoonkook moment where yoongi says watching jungkook eat makes him feel full

who cleans up the kitchen afterwards

revali cleans because he feels bad that he is a disaster in the kitchen and cannot help whatsoever during the actual creation of the meals; he is not allowed near the cooking pot 👍

will straight up snatch the plates from link's hands and insists on cleaning and link will smile at him fondly as revali aggressively scrubs the dishes

who curls up next to the other and falls asleep due to a full tummy

link for sure because he eats so fast and so much

revali will roll his eyes but continue eating as link snuggles into his lap for a quick food-induced power nap because revali will still make him get up to go take a shower and get ready for bed properly

who would suggest a quickie in the morning before work

LINK LMFAO WHO ELSE

he's already straddling revali's lap before revali can even register what link just said and then— oop. revali is going to be 30 minutes late to work now

who suggests they both ditch work to lay around all day

neither of them would actually because they both have really strong self-discipline

they only suggest ditching when they notice the other being really tired or burnt out, and then suddenly link is at the receptionist's desk at revali's workplace demanding they let revali go home early like he's a parent pulling their kid out of class for an appointment

who chooses the movies

revali hands down

he's the type of guy who took theatre, film history, movie analysis, and all those kinds of classes as general eds in college

he has a letterboxd account where he frequently updates his list of watched movies and heavily critical reviews. he's amassed a small cult following there because of how out of pocket-ly mean his reviews are 😭 to the point where people start using his reviews as memes KDJFHKDJHF

link is one of the people who use it as a meme and is the one that tells revali that he's a internet microcelebrity now. revali facepalms (but secretly his ego has been stroked)

who initiates kissing during the movie, thus distracting the other from the movie all together

both of them HAHA

it's mostly link, but if link chose the movie and revali's not into it, he'll start slowly making moves on link KJDHFKJD

"come on link, is the movie really more interesting than me~?"

"shh revali, singing killed his grandma 🥺🥺🥺🥺" KJDHFKDHFKDJHFKDJ

who distracts the other from trying to work at home

mostly link because he gets pretty needy

revali does it more often than you would expect though, they're almost equally very needy and clingy to each other

link just keeps barging into revali's office to the point where revali has to lock the door

then link is just sliding down to the floor against the door screaming the lyrics to Gotta go my own way from High school musical until revali unlocks the door again and begrudgingly lets link sit on his lap while he works

if it's revali, he will straight up just pick link up from his work even if link complains, carries link to their room to flop link on the bed, lie down on top of him, and then cuddle ❤️

who asks to go get ice cream like a five year old

it's absolutely link

if revali says no, link books it after the ice cream truck with revali yelling and running after him

revali pays for link's fucked up spongebob popsicle though 🥺 and link makes him get a fucked up patrick popsicle to match

revali also the type to be like "we have ice cream at home" only for link to respond with "nuh uh i ate it all"

revali: what? we had like 2 huge buckets of ice cream in the freezer. what do you mean you ate it all

link: 🥺

who takes pictures of their partner eating ice cream

revali. link made him take like 30 pics and post at least one on his instagram story

(revali keeps the other 29 pictures of link though in his folder of cute link pics to look at later)

who makes a sexual joke about the dripping ice cream on their partner’s face

you're not gonna believe this but it's revali

it slipped out he didn't actually mean to say it out loud

but link stares at him with wide eyes and mouth agape, then suddenly downs the rest of his ice cream, and then starts dragging revali home so he can jump him in the bedroom

link is just 😭 a horny little creature idk how revali keeps up with him

who stays up until 2 reading

it's revali, you know damn well he got those reading glasses and one of those lamps you clip onto the back of the book

he tried leaving the whole room light on at first but link was like i sleep in here too dickhead Close the damn light

the book-clip lamp was actually a gift from link because he did Not want revali to be contributing even more to their electricity bill

link has tried to join in but he's such a sleepy little guy he falls asleep with the book on his face and he felt bad (revali didn't really care but link was nearly gonna cry from being so guilty)

so instead, revali will read some of his own book aloud to link to make him feel involved until link falls asleep to his voice and also clinging to revali's side

who stares at their partner while their sleeping

revali of course but he doesn't do it in the creepy twilight edward way

when revali notices that link has fallen asleep to his reading, he'll put his bookmark in and set the book on the table to comb his fingers through link's hair

he just stares fondly at link, wondering how he was blessed to have a gift of a person like link because revali thinks of himself as a difficult person to love. how does link put up with him? why did link choose to stay with him? i guess he'll never know

(that's a lie; revali voiced these insecurities to him once and link got so mad he yelled at revali about how much he loved him and why, then locked himself in the office for the rest of the night only for revali to wake up the next morning to an entire powerpoint presentation from link on why revali is the most lovable person in the world)

who kisses their partner while they sleep

also revali but not in the creepy sleeping beauty way

revali is a big fan of forehead kisses especially because he's taller than link so he often likes to pull link closer and kiss his forehead before they leave for work or something

and he does the same as he's gazing upon link's sleeping face, wondering how he was blessed to have such an angel of a human being for a lover

revali will cup link's face with one hand and start with one kiss on link's forehead, a second one on his nose, and the last one being a very soft, chaste kiss on his lips 🤍 he's just so soft for link y'all 😭🥹

one time link woke up during the second kiss but didn't open his eyes until revali kissed him on the mouth, and then immediately pushed revali onto the bed to kiss him back harder. like i said 😭 horny little creacher

[maximumsunshine]

Ok. Real talk. And keep in mind 4am is actually my bedtime not me staying up late. I do shift work.

Insomnia?

Magnesium in your evening meds.

Melatonin just ain't cutting it?

Magnesium in your evening meds.

Want restful sleep that has you feeling alarmingly awake when morning comes?

Magnesium in your evening meds.

I took it 2.5 hours ago and I'm so sleepy I'm struggling to type.

Magnesium in your evening meds.

200 pills costs like 9$.

Magnesium in your evening meds.

Like of course check with your doctor that there won't be drug interactions or ill effects on your specific health.

But holy fuck.

Magnesium in your evening meds.

Tell everyone about!

Magnesium in your evening meds!

This post is sponsored by a bitch's need for quality sleep. That's right!

Magnesium in your evening meds!

[tintable]

sponsored by: ❥ minuit // kiriko set @ kinky event | july 28th - august 22nd, 2023

❥ head: lelutka // zo 3.1 ❥ body: ebody // reborn ❥ bracelet: insomnia angel // uwu beaded bracelet @ kawaii secrets ❥ chest mark: cry bb // cute lil carvings

hair is vco but i will not be blogging it as to save for my future post ♥ i just couldn't resist

HD version

[slingbees]

there's something so ?? ? ? ? tumblr about a sponsored post suggesting people get a good nights sleep and the comments being full of "you're not my mom" "go fuck yourself" "some of us have school" "staff obviously thinks we're all children bc some of us have work" "well SOME OF US have insomnia think before you speak asshole"

i'm not even here to lick staff's boots, i'm just adding this to the trend of people getting touchy instead of recognizing a post isn't for them and moving on, it's just really not that serious

[iamaana]

Insomnia is a sponsor of my posting.

In the movie Caótica Ana one of the characters says that living in the cave nowadays is an act of art or poetic act, meaning that not that many people would trade comfort of living in the society for the freedom of cave living. Is it applicable to the art nowadays? If I choose not to create since so much has already been created. I think though that I am a coward, and I am very inconsistent with it. Also I want appreciation and I am afraid to be unnoticed.

[yuuana]

Music Monday #222: Dreamcatcher - VISION release: October 2022 genre: Kpop, K-rock

I know, I know, it's been weeks of me promising to come back to this series and with this specific track even. At six months and change since release, I'm a bit late to the party. Or more accurately, a bit late to bringing the party to all of you. And yes, it is absolutely my intention to bring a review entry every day in May in a desperate attempt at something like getting caught up with new(er) releases. XD

As with last year's "MAISON," "VISION" also combines overdriven guitar and rock beats with dance-pop vocals and an overtly political message in the lyrics. Dreamcatcher (and Edenary, who write and produce for them) knows their niche for title tracks - the crossing of rock/metal with pop - and embody it in a way that makes it look easy. Similarly, the video makes a return to a post-apocalyptic world, one a bit further progressed in the destruction. But where before the ladies were (probably) goddesses calling out for help to save the burning world, this time around the ladies have stepped up to do be active combatants. There's a vibe here that feels like a close cousin to ATEEZ's Guerrilla - a world in ruin and dominated by militaristic fascism with the artists cast as scrappy freedom fighters. Only the ladies have the advantage of superpowers and are more clearly going after a global threat. This makes two videos in a row arguably telling pieces of the same story, something the writer in me will always latch onto with pleasure. Will this continue? Well, since Vision's release, Dreamcatcher has released another single, Reason, and both the song itself and the MV for it are thank you gifts to Insomnia, as part of marking their sixth anniversary. Whether we will go back to the previous story in the next release or start something new, only time will tell. "VISION" is the title track off Dreamcatcher's second 2022 album, [Apocalypse: Follow Us], available wherever you like to listen to Kpop. Want to see Music Monday deep dives more often? Sponsor a song selection! For the low, low price of one (1) KoFi, I'll write up the song of your choice. ANY song of your choice. Yes, even that one that's been played to death. Yes, your obscure faves too. With sponsors, I can stop skipping weeks and falling further and further behind in the releases! Sponsor a current CB for the next open Music Monday slot or sponsor a throwback for a Thursday feature! But seriously, if you've been enjoying my selections and analyses, we (me and the foster kittens) would love a KoFi in thanks. DW | Twitter | Mastodon | Ko-fi | Patreon | Discord | Twitch

[luminarai]

the old guard but make it sports i guess??

to the surprise of everyone (mostly me tbh) i actually put some thought into these! read on for weirdly specific meta

some sports lend themselves quite naturally to the old guard (fencing, horseback riding, martial arts etc) but i got to thinking about what sports would they go into that wouldn’t be related to their ‘jobs’ or maybe in a modern au and THUS:

for nile i thought something that would suit her quick thinking and way of pushing her own limits would be rock climbing. it’s the kind of sport that takes a lot of physical and mental strength along with endurance and agility which i think would be a great match for her. also consider her reaching the top of whatever she’s climbing and just standing there, looking out over the landscape, the wind against her skin, at peace, just taking it all in... it’d be a thing she’d do just for herself, a way to cement her self confidence in new areas and experience a combination of adrenaline and intense focus that she can really revel in

for joe and booker the obvious choice would be football/soccer of course but here’s my niche scandinavian take: handball! it’s a team sport, quite fast paced compared to football (we’re talking like. 20 goals per game) and quite physical. (it also enjoys popularity in both north africa and france if that matters!) i also considered tennis, squash (the sport) and even badminton but i think joe would dig the social aspects of it and drag booker along because damn boy, you need to get out of the house and talk to people, ok. i call the pose for their picture ‘don’t throw that fucking thing at me and don’t give me those eyes i can see you lifting it you absolute walnut’. 

(nicky dutifully attends their big games and usually drags nile along - neither of them have any real interest in the sport but nicky buys the best snacks and they sit in the back the entire time practicing italian shit talking and listening to podcasts with shared headphones) (andy used to go too but she got a little too uh enthusiastic and got banned. oops)

my knowledge of roller derby is limited to that one ellen page movie BUT holy shit can you imagine andy and quynh tearing up the rink??? fucking lethal my dudes. we know they’re both quick, elegant and strong af so their games would be fast paced, at times brutal and they’d both have the best fucking time. in an au they’d probably meet while on opposing teams and flirt via basically mauling each other - esp with quynh as a jammer, the player who scores points by lapping the opposing team who have to stop her. nobody knows whether to be annoyed when they finally get together because the public flirting gets outright dirty or relieved because the injury percentage drops SO MUCH, oh my god how are they both still standing. and yes, their derby names would be pit wiper and androma kills because get fucking wrecked. the boys all get too caught up at their games and make a lot of stupid bets that nile inevitably wins because she’s the only one with critical thinking skills in these scenarios

nicky’s was actually the one who kicked this whole thing off for me; aerial silk is a very cool type of acrobratics - it’s basically yoga played on Extra mode and also in the air?? it’s all about stamina, flexibility and body strength. it looks super graceful but is also very challenging and it’s a fairly individual sport, which i think would suit nicky very well. i was honestly also inspired by the fact that the most aerial silk guys at my gym (i do pole fitness which has some overlap with the aerialists) have the same kind of figure as nicky: not bulky or cut, but still very strong with broad shoulders, lean arm muscles and strong legs. i don’t think he’d be interested in performances or competitions but he does occasionally invite joe to watch him practice when he has the studio for himself (the first time, joe nearly faints because his blood doesn’t know which direction to go and you know it doesn’t get any less heated from there wink wonk)

all that being said please don’t ask me about sports because i genuinely know next to nothing about most types of it - but i did have a lot of fun making these!

[fluffydancer618]

If Magical John's main color is yellow, then it's possible that he is a dandelion

The dandelions stems contain the milky white sap also known as 'dandelion milk' in some regions

So technically if you refer to Magical John's chest as milkies you won't be wrong in this essay I will-

[pistolslinger]

bad private jokes w/ the crows, brought to you by ‘i did not sleep well and need to write this post or i’ll combust’

having contingency plans that involve eating matthias so they dont starve when they have no food left - matthias: what the fuck is wrong with you people - jesper: its logical like u ARE the biggest, and therefore, the most plentiful source of food - matthias: you got me there i guess

talking to empty spaces as if inej is there, bc who knows. she fuckin could be. you never know with The Wraith

short king kaz jokes

nina and jespers never ending list of the weirdest pet names for each other. 

nina & kaz: calling each other petnames, but like.......hatefully jesper: watch out matthias looks        djel-ous matthias: u dont............u dont need to say the ‘d’ jesper: fjor real?

asking wylan to draw things and him drawing the shittiest doodles possible - kaz: i need a picture of the guy we’re gna hunt down - wylan: (holds up stick figure) - kaz: thats him.

[november-babey]

I think if I could flip my brain to the cooler side I might actually be able to sleep

[greywolfheirs]

So, after seeing this post about the trans bats dress with pockets, I went to the website and subsequently fell in love with @vaspider /@nerdykeppie's store. Last night I had insomnia and a teeny bit of extra money and ended up making my first purchase. Just LOOK at how cute this bi pride top is!!

It's my first crop top I've bought and I'm hoping it will go well with my overalls.

Also, as a wildlife biologist, I LOVE the abundance of nature-based prints so I couldn't resist buying an animal skeleton face mask too.

Wow ok this is starting to sound like a sponsored post but LISTEN this store and the people running it are great and I want more people to find it BUT the point of this post is that I'm super excited. I will 100% update in the reblogs of this post once I get the items. Based on reactions across Tumblr, I have no doubt I will love them.

[streamacademe]

Week 181, Day 1262.

Yesterday, I had one of my regular steering group progress meetings with my supervisors and project company sponsors. I always dread these meetings as they are really important and take a lot of hard work to prepare for. I was especially nervous about this meeting as I was showcasing a metric I developed to measure service reservoir performance. It was bizarre to summarise 3.5 years worth of work in a few slides! Fortunately, the meeting went really well and the metric was well received. I don’t really know why I’m surprised to be honest as I work with some really great, engaging, and supportive people, both in industry and academia!

Nevertheless, I am always exhausted and mentally drained for days after such meetings, and today is no different. I am always amazed at how mental exhaustion can manifest itself in such physical ways. For instance, I slept through 3 alarms and my cat meowing at me whilst sitting on my chest this morning, and I have insomnia! The difficulty is that unlike first, second, and even third PhD year, I don’t really have time to properly recover as my ‘to-do’ list is very much looking like an overfilled glass, about to overflow at any point. Hence I am writing this blog post at 22:15... 

Anyway, talking of glasses, I am going to quickly neck one filled with wine and call it a night!

Have a grand rest of the week!

Illustration: Mood (am the one on the right, obv). Source: The brilliant @rubyetc​ as always.

[tintable]

hullo bebs! i've recently been stuck in a rut, but i am currently thinking of doing a concept that i've had in my head ♥ hopefully i can pull it off! i know things have been stressful for those lately and winter depression kicked in harder than expected, but i know we can all get through this together. 2021 will be better - i just know it!

this post is sponsored by: - sweet art - ˚⁀➷ gaia bento pose set @ mainstore ♡

alongside my sponsor is items by: doux ˚⁀➷ sins - hairstyle (matched with bonbon bangs!) both @ their mainstores loki ˚⁀➷  gummy bear gacha - uncommon black tee & (rare) split leg pants @ planet29 void ˚⁀➷  star halo (was a gift given out randomly to people - thank you void! :D) insomnia angel ˚⁀➷ face mask (group gift) @ mainstore

[sanktnikolais]

Finding the Right One

a/n: So here I am, finally going to post what I’ve been sobbing over for the @grishaversebigbang​. Cheers to being able to participate in this event!!! 

Corporalki: @saygrisha​ 

Materialki (art links): @kayascodelorio​ (here), @sixofdemigods​ (here and here), @flashlamp007​ (here)

Summary: Ravka University’s Golden Boy and Ice Queen—two totally opposite people join forces in finding each other’s “ideal person” for the sake of “finally finding happiness”. Being the head of their department’s student council and knowing each other since their senior years in high school, they both thought that finding the right one for the other would be easy. But it wasn’t as they’d expected.

Could they finally realize that the one they were looking for was already in front of them?

AO3 link

Word count: 4070

PART I   PART II  PART III

The agreement was simple: be on campus before seven for the meeting of the upcoming event of the Engineering Night happening in less than a month.

           Zoya released an exasperated breath as she checked her watch. It was thirteen minutes past seven, and Nikolai was still nowhere to be seen. The said Golden Boy was good at almost everything, but coming on time was never in that list and it made Zoya want to throw at least five alarm clocks at him if it meant getting him up at the right time.

           The two other members were already present in the student council room, the people assigned by the elected president himself. They looked like they were still fighting off sleep as they sat at the opposite sides of the table.

           Genya was holding a cup of coffee in both of her hands, staring at the liquid with narrowed eyes, like she was plotting on how to murder it.

           David had his laptop open in front of him already, squinting from time to time as he continued to type vigorously on the spreadsheet and write on a small notebook on the side.  

           When the final results of the council presidential election were announced, Zoya wasn’t surprised when Nikolai won by a landslide. Besides, who wouldn’t trust the Golden Boy of Ravka University? Consistent dean’s lister, an active member of the music club and the Ravka Dance Crew, and unfairly handsome—just as Nikolai liked to describe himself. 

           It only became a surprise to her when Nikolai had suddenly appeared in front of her at the library, clumsily sitting down and asking her if she wanted to be his vice president.

           Zoya’s first thought was to chuck the book she was reading at his head. 

           But she had remembered that they were in a library and doing the said thought would cause a commotion that was most likely not allowed in the place. 

           At first she thought Nikolai was just messing with her, but his face had shown no sign of mischief—which was quite a rare sight to her—and Zoya realized that he was really being serious about it. He’d told her that there was no one he trusted enough to lead alongside him.

           It took a few short days of convincing before Zoya finally agreed, and she was surprised that the crew Nikolai had handpicked were their old colleagues. They were nearly inseparable after they’d settled their coordination—like the gears of a well-oiled machine.

           Now she found herself starting the meeting fifteen minutes late because she knew that if they continued to wait for Nikolai, they would probably be late for their Monday classes. 

           “Well, since our golden president is still not here, I’ll do the honors.” Zoya took a swig of coffee from the small thermos in her hand, pulling the portable whiteboard at the head of the table, its squeaking wheels echoing throughout the room. “David, status report.”

           She held a hand out, and Genya quickly tossed her a marker. 

           David gave his chin a scratch before looking up from his laptop. “Let’s start with the things still needed to do,” he said, then he was enumerating the things he had written on his list. 

           Zoya proceeded to write it on the board, slightly appalled that there still were several tasks left needed to be done, two which were crucial and must be on priority. 

           “I’ve already talked to the head of the facilities,” Genya added, finally looking up from her coffee. “They said that it was already approved that they would let the setting up of the stage at the center of the track oval.”

           “Thank goodness that’s out of the list.” Zoya let out a huff, and then she remembered what she had done for the requirements to be done. “I’ve run the permits and completed it a week ago. They said they’d get back to me in a few days. I swore to the saints in heaven if they still wouldn’t have given me any updates tomorrow, I would shove their foot up their asses.

           Genya let out a laugh. “Well, what do you expect? It’s Ravka.” 

           The door barged open, and someone appeared at the threshold. All heads turned to the doorway as the blonde boy stood still and stared back at them.

           Zoya raised a brow and eyed the wall clock at the opposite side of the room. “You’re late.” She gave her best cold expression that she was known for, which always left most people cowering back or visibly shaken, but Nikolai had always been immune to it. “It’s seven-twenty.”

           Nikolai gave her a grin, and Zoya wanted to throw the thermos she was holding at him. “I’m the president. You’re just early,” he replied.

           Zoya erased her previous thought. She’d kill him instead. 

           Nikolai must have sensed her deadly idea because he laughed lightly, raising both of his hands up in surrender. “Okay, I’m joking. I’m sorry for being late. Shall we continue in bad-mouthing our dear Ravka?” He turned to Zoya and mouthed something to which she understood as, My insomnia sucks.

           She felt her small irritation dissipate as she eyed Nikolai settling his bag in the shelf at the far corner. True enough, the dark circles under his eyes were proof of his restlessness. His sleeping disorder often slipped from her mind—though she had witnessed how it affected him during the nights it was at its peak. 

           Bombardment of memes at one in the morning, when Zoya was still up finishing her lab reports or reviewing for a test, the constant sound of a message being received echoing through her room. 

           Or the sudden calls in the middle of the night where Nikolai mostly asked or told her any random shit he’d think of until Zoya would hear him snoring softly in the background before she ended the call and went back to sleep. 

           “Confirmation about the guest band we’ve planned to invite?” David asked, snapping Zoya out of her thoughts.

           “I’ve talked to them yesterday, and they confirmed already,” Nikolai answered as he put his glasses on.

           “So that’s two crucial things down,” said David, crossing out on the page of his notebook.

           Zoya clicked her tongue as he started walking towards their table. It caught his attention, and he stopped midway.

           Nikolai met her eyes with a questioning look. She gestured at his shirt, tapping at her chest gently. He raised a brow as he looked at his blue button-down, and winced when he noticed the top two buttons were in their wrong places, leaving the material in a rumpled mess. 

           “Thank you,” he mouthed to Zoya. 

           She only shrugged, but she was actually fighting a ghost of a smile twitching its way to her face. 

           More than an hour later, their meeting finally adjourned with things looking good for them, and just in time for the start of Nikolai and the twins’ first class of the day. The siblings had already gone from the room, as well as David who still needed to consult for his thesis.

           “By the way, I’m still talking with one of the sponsors. Still quite hesitant, they are, and not that easy to charm,” Nikolai told the two girls just as he was about to exit the room. “I’ll update you about my friendly chat with them as soon as possible.” 

           Genya nodded. “You got it.”

           “Hey, Lanstov.” Zoya paused for a second before grabbing the thermos she had set on the table some time earlier. She tossed it to Nikolai, who caught it with surprising ease. “It’s coffee. You need it more than me.”

           Nikolai stared at her, to the thermos, and then back at her. His face gave mixed reactions at once—but it was mostly shock. “Wow, I think this is the first time you shared your holy drink with me.” 

           “Don’t get used to it.” 

           The smile he gave her was fond, and he raised the container in a toast-like fashion with a matching wink. “Thanks, my ruthless truffle.” Then he was out of the room. 

           Zoya just shook her head and went back to arranging the small stack of paper in front of her, her brows creased into a slight frown. It was when she felt a weight in the air did she look up from her work and she saw Genya staring at her, amusement evident on her face.

           “What?” 

           “So when are you two going to date?” asked the redhead.

           Great, here we go again. “I’ve told you for like a million times,” Zoya said exasperatedly, setting a tired hand on a table, “I don’t date.” When Genya still didn’t look convinced, she added, “At least not anymore.”

           The other girl laughed. “’My ruthless truffle’? It’s already given that Nikolai loves making nicknames for everyone but he only calls you that,” Genya said. “We all know he worships chocolate truffles.”

           Zoya snorted. “He calls me that because he knows I don’t like truffles.” It was actually true, but Genya didn’t seem to buy it. Nothing would ever convince her.

           “Oh, really?”

           “Alright, where’s this conversation going?” 

           “I don’t know, where do you want it to go?”

           “Genya,” said Zoya, her voice tired, “it’s never going to happen.”

           And it was the truth. Nikolai deserved better—the world, even. The boy was full of light and purity and optimism; he always saw the good in everything and it was only one of the many things that made him all-Nikolai. 

           He was the Golden Boy, all in heart and nature, and Zoya was surprised he’d stayed close with her throughout the years after the disaster back in their senior year in high school. Even more when they both enrolled at the same university, and in the same major, resulting in them being always together. And thanks to that, there were some rumors circulating in their department about them being a thing. 

           She would never know what made him trust her, despite the rough nature and sharp tongue that she had. Nikolai saw all of who she was, and he didn’t mind one bit.

           But who was she? The famous Ice Queen. The one who could make people shrink back with the mere raise of an eyebrow. Merely thinking of that fact would already make the thought Genya wanted unrealistic, and it would stay that way.

           Zoya intended to make it stay that way.

           “I’ll be staying at the library for the meantime. Probably until the next class at eleven.” Zoya pushed the stack of papers to the side and pinned it down with the puncher. “Message me if you need anything.” 

           She gave the redhead a half-hearted smile before she was out of the room. 

****************

Nikolai thought his day couldn’t get any better. At times when he was proven wrong, he’d gladly accept it and find it rather amusing that he had actually made a mistake. 

           But when he wasn’t able to attend his Numerical Methods class due to some apparent reason, he realized that he didn’t particularly like this day to be proven wrong.

           First was his day starting early—as early as one in the morning when he was hit with the restlessness of his mind for the nth time. He had actually itched to call Zoya again, but he remembered that he had already done that just a few nights ago when he was in the same state, so he decided to read the upcoming lesson of their major instead. That resulted in him falling asleep sometime past five, and waking up late for the council meeting he set at seven.

           Their dreaded Thermodynamics midterm exam was moved from Friday two weeks from now, to Monday at least three weeks from now, and Zoya had been cursing all throughout the time they made their way to that class until it started. She had been berating the fact that it was going to be very late for a midterm examination as it was already nearing to the finals week.

           Halfway through the said major subject, their professor had given them a surprise quiz which literally came out of nowhere, and Nikolai’s still sleep-deprived mind was only able to comprehend and answer half of the questions. It ended up with Nikolai and Zoya drinking yet another cup of coffee from the cafeteria after class while talking—debating—about their own answers, and the people within earshot probably thought they were arguing. 

           Later when Zoya left for her part-time job at a coffee shop a few blocks down, Nikolai found himself in their student council room and he decided to get a shut-eye for a while before his two remaining classes. 

           He didn’t expect that his body would betray him despite the alarm he set on his phone beside him.

           It was David who found him passed out on a chair by the window and had to kick his leg a few times to wake him up fully. Nikolai was thankful of the fate that brought David to the council room and woke him, otherwise he was sure he’d be able to sleep until saints know when.

           Though the catch was the time on his phone being 16:30 when Nikolai checked it groggily and it was like a big slap to the face because he had a math class at three. 

           “You have to take care of yourself more, Pres,” David had said, and Nikolai couldn’t help the grateful look had appeared on his face. The other man wasn’t someone with many words, yet he always spoke the right ones. “Make sure you sleep properly tonight.” 

           I wish I could tell that to my insomnia, he thought to himself as he sent a salute to David’s way with a grin. “I’ll try, Dr. Phil.” 

            David only shook his head with a light laugh before waving goodbye and going his own way. 

           Nikolai gave a long sigh as he currently made his way to the expanse of the parking lot at the side of the university, almost dragging himself across to where he parked his old Buick muscle car before his body gave out in exhaustion. It was only a quarter past seven, but he could already feel the want of sleep coming his way.

           The universe must have been angry with him today for an unknown reason because it chose the right time to start raining heavily. 

           It took him a minute to remember where he parked his car and made a beeline towards it. Nikolai was already drenched by the time he reached the forsaken car and practically threw himself inside. 

           He tossed his bag in the backseat and removed his button-down, throwing it in a heap on the passenger seat. His gray undershirt was almost black from being drenched in the rain, and Nikolai could already feel the coldness seeping in from the damp material. Plus, his glasses were blurry with droplets that stuck on the lenses. 

            It was too easy to believe that the universe and fates didn’t favor him today, and they both decided to throw shit at his way.

           With a small chuckle over his thoughts, Nikolai pulled out from the parking lot and drove out of the campus. He reached over to his glove compartment and silently prayed that he had the spare towel stashed in there, otherwise he’d most likely catch a cold by tomorrow. 

           It was the first favor the day did to him when he was able to grab hold of the material.

           “Thank the heavens,” Nikolai mumbled, violently drying his hair and neck with a hand as he turned right towards the main intersection. 

           The rain only seemed to get heavier and the wipers had to be continuously turned on to maintain a visible view of the road in front. He slowed to a stop by the intersection and waited for the light to turn green. 

           Nikolai wiped off the water from his glasses as he took the time to think about what he needed to do, but his mind only seemed to scream “sleep” and he knew it was the only thing needed to be done for tonight. Or probably drink a nice cup of coffee again. 

           He slipped his glasses back on just in time to see the stoplight signaling ‘go’ and he stepped on the gas. 

           As Nikolai kept a minimal pace with the other cars near him, the bus stop by the other side of the intersection came into view. He squinted against the bright lights of the cars and lampposts combined, and his eyes caught a familiar figure by the shed.

           She was supposed to be home at this time. 

           Pulling into a stop by the curb, Nikolai rolled the window by the passenger’s seat down and bowed his head a little to look through. He flashed her a grin. “Need a lift, truffle?” he called out through the rain.

           He was rewarded with a deep scowl as she bent down in level with his window. Zoya’s eyes widened for a bit when a look of recognition dawned upon her face. She was already soaked despite the roof of the bus stop over her. “Nikolai?” 

           “The one and only.” 

           Zoya gave him a puzzled look. “What are you doing here?”

           “I have class until seven, remember? And I happened to spot you when I passed. You’re going to get sick. Get in, I’ll drive you home.” 

           Nikolai saw a flash of relief on her face as she jogged towards the passenger door and got inside in a hurry. He pulled from the curb and started to drive, offering the towel from his head to Zoya. She grabbed it with a muffled thanks and threw the button-down he left at the seat earlier to him.

           “The bus must have been stuck somewhere. I’ve been waiting for half an hour already,” Zoya muttered as she dried her hair roughly. She looked weirdly at the towel. “This smells like it’s been in a cramped space for a while and mixed with the scent of your shampoo.”

           Nikolai wrinkled his nose. “It actually was. Take it or leave it, Nazyalensky.”

           “I have no choice, do I?” 

           “Yep, don’t have any.” He paused as he took a U-turn and went back the way he came from. Zoya lived in the much quieter part of the city, and it was on the opposite side of where Nikolai was staying at. “Wasn’t your shift supposed to be done at five? It’s already half past seven.” 

           “A co-worker had an emergency and needed to go right away. Volunteered to cover up until the next came in.” Zoya reclined the car seat and leaned back more comfortably, her face obscured by the towel. “And I still have some shit to do.”

           Nikolai chuckled. “Such a hardworking and selfless passenger I have here. Ravka is blessed to have you.”

           “I’m going to kick you for that,” Zoya muttered, words muffled by the towel still over her face. 

           “What? I’m just stating the truth.”

           “Focus on the road, Lantsov.” 

           “Harsh.”

           “Being careful.”

           Nikolai gave a light laugh and shook his head. Their exchanges could go like this for hours, and neither of them would mind. Some people still couldn’t imagine them working together for the council, all because of their known opposite personalities, but it’s actually what made it easier.

           It was just as easy as breathing. 

           He had known Zoya for years, and Nikolai surely knew that he trusted this woman with his life.

           A comfortable silence followed soon after, nothing but soft sound of the rain bouncing on the roof could be heard. He appreciated some certain times like this—it helped quiet the roaring thoughts in his head that were the main reason for his restlessness at night. There were times he wished he could just cure the sleeping disorder he had in a flash, make the thoughts and anxiety over his responsibilities disappear. The weight of it was dragging down any strength and optimism Nikolai had left in him, but he still managed to keep himself upright.

           And he knew he had to thank the people around him for keeping him sane.

           The number of cars on the road lessened to a few when they finally turned to the quieter part of the city, and Nikolai saw the familiar landmarks near the apartment complex Zoya was living at. Thankfully the rain had finally stopped in the area, and he didn’t have to squint through the rain to know which roads he’d turn at.

           The aforementioned woman bolted upright from her seat, the sudden movement startling Nikolai that he almost lost control of the steering wheel and his heart almost leaping out of his throat. She removed the towel from her face and frowned at him, as if she was contemplating to punch him or murder him.

           “Shit, Zoya. What the fuck.” Curse words were often Zoya’s thing, but when he was caught off guard, he’d definitely not mind to adapt to the idea of cursing. 

           Nikolai sent a disbelieving look her way, though he ignored the part where he saw a stray hair clinging to her cheek, and the urge he had to tuck it back behind her ear because it definitely wasn’t the reason he looked away quickly. 

           “Don’t do that.”

           “I just remembered something.”

           “Can you remember something and not give me a heart attack at the same time?”

           Zoya’s frown remained. “David told me he found you passed out in the council room earlier.” 

           “I just took a nap.” 

           “Until four-thirty? You have a math class at three.” 

           Nikolai felt like a dog backed into a corner. He had no other excuse to that, so he settled for the deflecting method he always did. “Don’t worry, someone from the class told me that they just did a few more complicated examples of the previous lecture. It’s nothing I can’t do.”

           He made a right turn, and the apartment complex was already in view. Nikolai drove a bit faster than he already was, and he could still feel the weight of Zoya’s gaze on him. 

           “Well, home sweet home.” He put the lights on hazard and pulled by the curb. When he finally looked her way, he found that she still had the deadpan look on her face, an eyebrow raised. “Okay, okay. I’m not doing anything later. I swear to the saints. I’ll try to get some sleep.”

           “Why didn’t you call me last night?” 

           Nikolai opened his mouth to answer, only to close it again when he doubted the reply he was about to say. He looked away with a dry laugh. “Well, I figured I’d disturbed you enough in the past week.”

           Zoya huffed. “Come on, you can do better than that. You could’ve made it two consecutive weeks.” A short pause. Then Nikolai felt a hand on his arm, the sudden contact startling him, and he was forced to look at her blue eyes. “But really, call me if you need to. I barely sleep too, anyway.”

           “Wow. I think this is the first time you’re not wanting to disown me or throw me into a ditch. I’m a bit taken aback.” He actually was, truly, and Zoya just scowled at him as if she were offended. He chuckled and raised an arm up in surrender. “I’m quite aware of the fact don’t worry.” Then he smiled softly, patting her hand on his arm and adding, “Thank you, Zoya. I owe you one.”

           The raven-haired woman narrowed her eyes at him. “You owe me tons, Lantsov,” said Zoya, smirking triumphantly. She tossed him back the damp towel. “And I’m planning on collecting those debts with caffeine or anything that would equal the favors.”

           Nikolai could only laugh at the turn of events, though he was thankful for the sudden shift, and they were back to their usual banter again. “Will I be paying them for the rest of my life?”  

           “Definitely.” 

           “Pity me.” 

           Zoya opened the door and stepped out. “Thanks for the lift, by the way. Be careful on your way back,” she said before closing it. 

           Nikolai pulled the window down. “Wait, is this counted as a paid debt?” he called out just as she entered the main doors of the building. He was only given a solid thumbs-down and another smirk.

           “Dream on, Lantsov.”

*****

Please welcome, our favorite idiots. lmao

Thank you for reading. One big shoutout to my gangmates! <3 </i>