#this post is a monster... it's a full thesis basically

[ranchthoughts]

thoughts on genre, tropes, Bad Buddy, and My School President

and here she is! the full text all together, not split into the three parts previously posted here: part 1, part 2, part 3

I also go more in detail about a lot of the terms and concepts I use here (indexes, conventions, genres, intertextuality, etc) in this post here, in case you would like more context

[strap yourselves in, this is loooooong]

The BL “genre” has so many conventions - in narrative, characterization, themes, settings, iconography, filmic techniques, and of course, tropes.

Bad Buddy and MSP do not lack these genre conventions (both are stories about boys in love, both are set in schools which is very common in Thai BLs especially, both explore a budding relationship and other social and emotional problems of youth, both hit familiar plot beats like confessions and narrative/emotional climaxes, both utilize many editing and sound effect techniques seen in other BLs, and both deploy many BL tropes like cheek kisses, head pats, forced proximity, looming, etc.). However! Bad Buddy and MSP are atypical in their deployment of genre conventions, especially with regards to trope usage and pacing - they go against genre and trope expectations to subvert seme/uke roles and dynamics and they space their narrative beats differently than other shows. As a result, the shows feel familiar but also fresh to BL audiences.

Bad Buddy, MSP, and tropes

BL tropes index so much information to audiences familiar with the genre (e.g., the nature of the relationship between characters, the seme/uke dynamics, other social information, etc.). Bad Buddy and MSP take these familiar indexes, with their well established meanings, and mix them up, give them new contexts, and use what they normally tell us about the characters, social context, relationship dynamic, etc. to tell a new story.

There are SO many examples of this so I have decided to focus on two “subcategories” of tropes: the faen fatale and tropes which are strongly associated with seme/uke dynamics.

Faen Fatales

In most BLs, the faen fatale (thanks to AbsoluteBL for the term) is a character (male or female) whose sole purpose is to drive a wedge between the main pair, often serving as a catalyst for their relationship/confession, and who generally does not get much character development or identity of their own.

In Bad Buddy, Ink seems like a classic faen fatale: she is introduced as an old high school friend that Pat was interested in and Pran was jealous of because of that fact, and now in the present day of the show Pat pursues her again and Pran is once again jealous, especially since it seems Pat is succeeding (they get food together, they hang out a lot, Pat wears the bracelet Ink gave him in high school, etc.). Pran believes that Pat likes Ink and that they are well on their way to being together, if they aren’t together already. Pat even tells Pran he likes Ink. However, it becomes clear quite quickly that Ink is not a typical faen fatale. Her interactions with both boys feel platonic, she shows just as much interest in fostering a friendship with Pran, and when Pat uses Pa’s patented “Four Ways to Tell if Someone Likes You,” Ink fails in every category. She does act a a catalyst to Pat and Pran’s romantic relationship in some ways (e.g., Pat using Pa’s patented Four Ways he learned to assess Ink to realize his own feelings for Pran), and she does act as a barrier to their relationship as some of Pran’s hesitation post their ep.5 kiss comes from his understanding that Pat has a crush on Ink (though of course their family and friends present the main barrier). However, Ink has her own personality, interests, and crucially, her own romantic arc. She is a fully fleshed out character who never had anything but platonic feelings for either lead: ergo, a subversion of the faen fatale trope.

In MSP, there are a couple of potential faen fatales, but neither develop that way in the end. Sound is introduced as Tinn’s rival, and romance media logic would suggest he will fulfill a love rival role in the show, competing with Tinn for Gun’s affections (especially as Sound is interested in music like Gun and he joins Chinzilla). Even Tiw suggests Tinn should look out for Sound moving in on Gun. However, Sound never shows interest in Gun and quickly gets acclimated into the band, only briefly presenting a threat to Tinn and Gun’s relationship when Tiw witnesses them having a seemingly intimate moment but that is sorted by the end of the episode. Like Ink, Sound never has anything other than platonic feelings for either lead and ends up with his own romantic arc. The other possible faen fatale in MSP is Nook, though she is present so briefly. I think other shows would have stretched out her plot line more and had her fill more of a faen fatale role. As it stands in MSP: Gun sees her give a gift to Tinn and compliment him, he gets jealous and snaps at Tinn, and then the show/Tinn immediately reveal to us and to Gun that it was a case of mistaken identity (Yo was catfishing with Tinn’s picture). In a matter of minutes, Nook went from being a faen fatale set up to simply someone involved in another character’s arc, part of a problem that Tinn and Gun could work on together.

Neither Bad Buddy nor MSP have faen fatale characters, though there are characters that could, and indeed seem to be set up to, fill that role. Both shows subvert our expectations and BL tropes by having potential faen fatales be uninterested in either lead and possess more character development than most other examples of the trope (including their own, completely separate, romantic arcs). In the case of Ink, this also subverts typical BL handling of female characters, who tend to be few and far between and generally relegated to the under-developed role of faen fatale.

Seme/uke Tropes

Most BL shows can be read through a lens of seme/uke dynamics, which originated in yaoi. The seme is the “pursuer” character and the uke is the “pursued”. There are certain physical (height, skin colour, etc.), social (age, wealth, social capital, etc.), and personality (active vs. passive, extroverted vs. introverted, flirtier vs. shyer) markers which are typically associated with either the seme or the uke. For example, semes tend to be taller, wealthier, older, flirtier, tanner, more active, and have a higher social status, while ukes tend to be shorter, poorer, younger, shyer, paler, and have a lower social status. “Seme” and “uke” roles are also sometimes conflated with masculinity and femininity (semes are “masculine” and ukes are “feminine”) and sexual preferences (semes are dominant and tops and ukes are submissive and bottoms). There are also tropes associated with either the seme or the uke, like ukes typically give cheek kisses and semes forehead kisses.

Thus, things like height, age, wealth, personality, presumed sexual preference, and the role they take in tropes can index the character’s status as a seme or a uke, and in turn the character’s identity as a seme or uke in the narrative (pursuer vs. pursued) indexes a character’s personality, sexual preferences, etc., however unrealistic and simplistic that is in real life. In a BL, we would expect the seme (pursuer) and uke (pursued) characters to exhibit most, if not all, of the associated seme or uke traits and roles in tropes, though this is not always true (and some BLs have little to no seme/uke dynamics at all).

In terms of physical, social, and personality markers in Bad Buddy, Pat exhibits slightly more “seme” traits than Pran, like his larger size and more “rugged” and “typical” masculinity compared to Pran’s neatness. However, both Pat and Pran take the seme or uke role in tropes about the same amount of time, with Pran having several significant moments where he embodies the seme role (looming over Pat, licking his fingers, drying his hair, etc., not to mention the post-sex scene in ep.11) and Pat many significant moments where he embodies a uke or even “feminine” role (casting himself as the girlfriend at the bus stop, being clingy, pretending to be sick so Pran will give him a sponge bath, etc.). In fact, tropes often happen twice, with Pat and Pran taking turns in the seme and uke role (e.g., both take turns cleaning the other’s face, both cook for the other, both kiss the other’s cheek, etc.). Furthermore, and I’ve spoken about this before here: both Pran and Pat deliberately take on the seme role during their ep.7 Flirt-Off bet (”whoever falls in love first loses”). To win the bet, they have to be the pursuer (i.e., seme), and thus spend the episode taking it in turns to exhibit the seme role in tropes (Pat takes off his shirt multiple times, Pran looms over Pat, they wash each other’s faces, they take the seme roles with Ink and Wai at the noodle shop to make the other jealous, etc.), thus also spending the episode taking it in turns to fulfill the uke role in tropes. The fact that the seme and uke roles in Bad Buddy are so interchangeable and balanced (they sometimes ever play the narrative roles of pursuer and pursued at the same time) demonstrates the show’s upending of traditional seme/uke dichotomies.

In MSP, Tinn and Gun are pretty much the perfect seme and uke in terms of physical and social markers: Tinn is taller, wealthier, has a higher social status, and even has a female “faen fatale” (more typical for seme characters), while Gun is shorter, poorer, from a marginalized club at school, and has a male “faen fatale” (more typical for uke characters). Some one on Tumblr (and I cannot for the life of me find this post again) mentioned that Tinn is a little “feminine” coded when it comes to romance (he is the dreamer, the romantic, always imagining romantic situations), while Gun is more what we’d think of as “masculine” when it comes to romance (more brusque, less sappy), though I am not sure how applicable these types of divisions are to BL. In term of preference markers, there isn’t much sexual content to go off of, but MSP does mention the TinnGun vs GunTinn divide in ep.12, never coming down on either side, and one of the things the homophobic teacher says is that he thought Gun was more “masculine” so he is surprised to see him dating a boy. Overall, the show deliberately eschews and criticizes the association of top/bottom or masculine/feminine with the pair. Furthermore, Tin talks a lot about wanting to be Gun’s boyfriend, to belong to Gun - and as @cinna-bin​ points out here, for a genre that equates seme with dominance, the one who shows and has ownership of the other, it is pretty subversive to have the seme character in the narrative express a desire to be “owned”. Like Pat and Pran, Tinn and Gun are fairly egalitarian when it comes to which role they take in tropes (Tinn catches Gun when he falls, Gun touches Tinn’s chin constantly, they both kiss the other’s cheek). I’ve talked about this here too, but often Tinn will imagine a moment with himself in the seme role (e.g., wiping Gun’s face) that won’t come to fruition, but when it does happen in real life, the trope is reversed and Gun takes the seme role (e.g., when it happens in real life, Gun wipes Tinn’s mouth). In MSP, the deployment of tropes is more about natural moment and real life, and less adhering to strict role divisions. This back and forth feels more accurate, more high school - they both take it in turns to boldly initiate and then to be shy (all the aborted kiss chances, etc.).

Finally, I’d like to add that there are many moments in both Bad Buddy and MSP where the characters are aware of the romantic tropes and intentionally utilize them to further a romantic agenda. We aren’t exactly subverting tropes here, but we are playing with them deliberately and consciously in a way you don’t get in a lot of BLs so I thought it worth mentioning here. Most of these instances come in the Bad Buddy ep.7 Flirt-Off or from Tinn’s day dreams and include:

Pat employing the “drinking from a water bottle/pouring water on yourself” and “shirt off” tropes to try and get Pran hot and bothered in ep.7

Pran looming over Pat during the bet

Pat and Pran trying to make each other jealous by employing various classic tropes with Ink and Wai respectively while eating noodles (opening their water bottle, feeding them, wiping their mouth, etc.)

Pran symbolically losing the bet by wiping Pat’s mouth

Tinn imagining himself wiping Gun’s mouth

Tinn imagining a Ghost moment while cooking with Gun

Tinn making a joke about a “hot underwater kiss”

Pacing

Both MSP and Bad Buddy are also slightly unconventional when it comes to pacing. Both shows hit the standard BL narrative beats (falling for one another, confessions, first kiss, confirmation of relationship, conflict, beach eps, etc) but at unconventional timings, they utilize a lot of time skips, and they also condense plot lines which in other shows might have been much longer.

The Placement of Narrative Beats

I will focus on two of the main places where both Bad Buddy and MSP diverge from the usual BL placement of narrative beats. Firstly, the first kiss on both shows: while there is a lot of variety in the timing of first kisses for BL shows, Pat and Pran’s rooftop kiss at the beginning of ep.5 is perhaps a little earlier than usually, especially since the two do not truly confess or get together until the end of ep.7; and in MSP, their first kiss comes quite late, especially given the numerous near-kisses that happen throughout the latter half of the show. The first kiss for MSP coming in ep.12 is not unheard of for a low-heat BL and really makes sense given the tone and setting of the show (lighthearted, high school), but combined with the early confession of feelings (hinted at as early as ep.3, and fairly confirmed in ep.6) as well as those fake-out kisses makes it feel unusual.

Secondly, both shows eschew the typical ep.11 of doom structure of a BL, where ep.11 sees peak emotional angst and the narrative/plot climax, in favour of a ep.10 (and even ep.9 in Bad Buddy) of doom, an ep.11 denouement, and an ep.12 conclusion. Eps.9 and 10 in Bad Buddy are when Pat and Pran’s friends and parents, the two biggest barriers to their relationship, find out about them. Pat is shot, they learn the real story behind their parents feud, there are a lot of emotions, etc. In ep.10 of MSP, there is the finale of Hot Wave and Gun’s mother’s illness (culminating in her receiving surgery at the end of the episode). Neither show has the main couple break up in their eps. of doom, like is common in other BLs’ ep.11 of doom, though they do have their relationships tested. Ep.11 in both Bad Buddy and MSP are instead the denouement, a quieter, more introspective look at the emotions and plot event of the previous episode(s). Pat and Pran run away from their families for their “honeymoon” on the beach and come to terms with everything they’ve learned, and MSP focuses more on the aftermath of Hot Wave and the tensions and emotions among Chinzilla, though there is of course parts about Tinn and Gun’s relationship in the face of disappointment. The final ep. for both show is thus given a bit more breathing room than in other BLs - they don’t have to wrap up the emotions and plot lines of an ep.11 of doom AND conclude the series, and can instead focus on wrapping up the series and even introducing new ideas and a look into the future (there are timeskips in both ep.12s, Bad Buddy does their PatPran breakup fake out, and MSP explores homophobia).

Time Skips

While time skips aren’t unheard of in BLs, especially in the final episode, Bad Buddy and MSP’s usage of them interject a level of realism into the series that isn’t always seen. The time jump of 6 or so months at the beginning of ep.7 in Bad Buddy means the tension build of the Flirt-Off doesn’t happen over a matter of days or weeks but in fact months. Pat and Pran are stubborn, this won’t be resolved quickly, and it give time for the tension to realistically reach a breaking point. MSP features several time skips in ep.9, ep.10, and ep.12, stretching both the Hot Wave competition schedule and Tinn and Gun’s budding relationship over a much more realistic full school year, instead of pretending the competition and build up of tension or feelings could be happening over a span of weeks. Paradoxically, the fact that the shows use time skips instead of showing (either in full, in part, or in a montage) the parts they skip (the Flirt-Off, the weeks of Tinn and Gun coming closer together and Chinzilla practicing) connects to my next point: the shows aren’t afraid to speed things up sometimes. The use of time skips both slows down the narrative and emotional arcs over a longer period of time while also demonstrating that the shows feel confident in their narratives: there is no need to stretch story lines out over episodes and episodes.

Condensing Plot Lines

The most striking thing about Bad Buddy and MSP’s pacing is how fast they move through plot lines, especially compared to other shows. In Bad Buddy, the plot line where Pat and Pran are anonymously and unknowingly flirting with each other through gifts and notes left at each other’s doors could have been the plot line for most of a show, if not a whole show, but it is introduced and resolved within ep.2. Ink is introduced in ep.4 and seems to be a potential faen fatale, but by the end of ep.4 this seems somehow unlikely and by halfway through ep.5 it is confirmed that she won’t be. The Flirt-Off happens in large part off-screen, in the 6 months or so time skip between eps.6 and 7, and is shown to us and resolved in ep.7. Other shows could have spent episodes if not half the show exploring that plot line.

I've talked at length about the pacing of MSP here and a bit here - like Bad Buddy, MSP moves quickly through plot lines that might have spanned episodes or even a whole season in another show. By the end of the first episode, MSP establish that Tinn is soft and pining hard over Gun (instead of keeping up the premise that he is cold and out to get the music club), the finale of Hot Wave comes two episodes before the end, the plot lines around Gun’s mother’s health are resolved in about one episode (the conflict around Tinn keeping Gun’s mother’s illness from him is resolved in a couple of scenes, and she has surgery and is pronounced ok by the end of the episode), any jealousy plot line around Nook is resolved in two scenes, the conflict introduced by Sound joining the band is resolved in one episode, and so on. Pretty much every problem introduced at the beginning of an episode is resolved by the end.

Bad Buddy and MSP feel confident, like they know they have narrative material to spare and don’t need to stretch plot lines out with twists, miscommunication, and jealousy. Thus, they move through plot lines much more quickly than other shows would.

Both shows feel so fresh because of this - they keep things moving, they surprise us by resolving things faster than other shows would, they don’t linger in jealousy and miscommunication like many other shows do, they skip over parts that other shows might have lingered on for the biggest punch, and they break the patterns that us, the audience, have come to expect from BLs (like the ep.11 of doom). Even the progression of the relationships, which we know will be romantic and probably happy in the end (these are BLs after all) and conform vaguely to enemies-to-lovers and will-they-won’t-they conventions, stay fresh: Pat and Pran have kissed and all but confessed their feelings, but they now embark on a months long Flirt-Off bet that delays them actually getting together. We know Tinn has a crush on Gun from the end of the first ep. and we begin to see hints that Gun might like him back from ep.3 onwards, and at first the show seems like it is going to go the typical romcom route wherein Gun doesn’t realize Tinn’s crush is on him (especially with him offering to help Tinn flirt with his crush), but like I talked about in my post here, they don’t and instead have Gun know it is him Tinn has a crush on, he’s just uncertain and a bit scared. Bad Buddy and MSP are both quicker and slower than other shows: they move through plot lines without lingering, but they use time skips to create realistic long term development of the core relationships, allowing the characters to build tension, live in hesitancy, and in the case of Tinn and Gun, be realistically slow in the physical progression of their relationship.

Conclusions

Bad Buddy and MSP subvert audience expectations with regards to tropes and narratives - like their handling of the faen fatale trope (both shows give us characters that could be faen fatales, and probably would be in other shows, that do not fulfill the narrative role of a faen fatale and receive character development and arcs of their own unlike other faen fatales) and how they play with expectations surrounding seme/uke dynamics (those who embody the seme or uke role in tropes aren’t necessarily the ones who exhibit the most seme or uke physical, social or personality markers; tropes iterations are balanced and reciprocal). Both shows change up the usual BL timelines and expected pacing - they hit their peak narrative, emotional, and angst climaxes before the standard ep.11 peak, plot beats come quicker than in other shows, and story arcs that are usually dragged on in other shows are concluded more quickly. On the other hand, both shows are “slower” than other BLs in other ways, like their usage of time skips to create realistic progressions of the core relationships. As a result of these subversions of BL genre conventions, the shows are familiar but also fresh to BL audiences.

But what does this say about Bad Buddy and MSP, and the BL genre in general?

Firstly, these shows remind us again of the importance of intertextuality. Texts (and this includes television shows) are intertextual; they all refer to one another and cannot exist separately from other texts. BLs especially are very intertextual - they have so many shared elements (tropes, characters, locations, etc.) they always (deliberately or unintentionally) draw parallels to other BLs. We would never notice how Bad Buddy and MSP diverge from other BL shows if we did not by necessity/automatically think of all previous BLs while watching them.  Furthermore, where and how Bad Buddy and MSP divert from genre conventions and previous examples of the genre demonstrates their relationship to the genre and underlines the messages the shows are trying to send. Bad Buddy and MSP subvert the particular genre expectations they do and in the way they do to make a point - by giving new meanings to familiar conventions and juxtaposing typical meanings of genre conventions with their own (either explicitly, or through the audience’s intertextual analyses) the shows ground themselves in a different world view than other BL shows and give a more nuanced and realistic look at human and queer experience.

For example, the way Bad Buddy and MSP move quickly through plot points (avoiding extended plot lines centering on jealousy or miscommunications) and the reciprocity of their trope usages (deliberately balancing the seme and uke dynamics of their lead pairs) is unusual in the world of BL. It serves to emphasize the reciprocal and egalitarian nature of the lead pairs’ relationships which we also see in their treatment of one another (communicating, understanding each other’s needs and taking turns acquiescing to make the other happy, e.g., ep.11 where Pran agrees to run away and stay on the honeymoon to make Pat happier and then Pat agrees to return home to make Pran happier, or Tinn and Gun being so supportive and understanding of one another’s dreams and physical boundaries, etc.). In this post @miscellar argues the lack of miscommunication as a plot device in Bad Buddy is inherently queer and that the show as a whole does away with heterosexual/heteronormative tropes. In their reciprocity, egalitarianism, and communication, Pat and Pran and Tinn and Gun eschew the standard power dynamics of BLs which come as a result of BL’s encoded seme/uke dynamics, which in turn come from heteronormative and misogynistic ideas in the het romance genre and beyond about men and women. Defying genre conventions in some ways (e.g., subverting tropes) strengthens and underlines how the shows defy genre conventions in other ways (queerer, more realistic stories; fairer treatment for women; less heteronormativity, etc.) - these smaller, more obvious subversions of genre conventions and expectations indicates to us, the audience, that we should be prepared for larger, more subtle and implicit shake ups of genre conventions and expectations, ones that might rewrite the BL genre code for the future.

By reflecting on what Bad Buddy and MSP change, we can understand and identify the standard BL world view and set of assumptions. For example, by weakening and subverting seme/uke dynamics and their associations with things like dominance/submission, masculinity/femininity, and top/bottom, Bad Buddy and MSP reject the heteronormative and misogynistic assumptions that underlie most BLs: that gay couples have a “man” and a “woman;” that the penetrated must be feminine, weaker, sex averse, etc. like women are in heterosexual relationships; that there is always an unbalance of power (social and/or sexual) in relationships. While these are “just” romance tropes, or you might say that it’s odd to be so absorbed by the dynamics between two characters (particularly when it come to analyzing seme vs. uke and top vs. bottom), in a world where these tropes and their execution, and the preferred sexual position of a character and what that says about their personality etc., are so tied to other things and issues like misogyny, homophobia, etc., refusing to engage and deliberately obscuring are pretty radical things that say a lot about the message and view point of the shows.

Bad Buddy and MSP feel more realistic than a lot of other BLs. This is not to say that shows have to be realistic to be good, or even that viewers/that I prefer realistic shows, but it is certainly something that strikes me when I think about Bad Buddy and MSP. The relationship progression is slower, there is less dwelling in miscommunications, they even have not entirely happy but hopeful endings (Pat and Pran are continuing to hide their relationship from their parents, but it seems they are coming around; Tinn and Gun face homophobia from people in their lives, but also receive support from their classmate and parents). And beyond being realistic to the “real world,” they also feel more realistic to the queer experience: queer relationships don’t usually have such strict relationship roles and power dynamics, adhere so strictly to heteronormative ideals, or exist in world without homophobia or disapproval. They are varied, often deliberately contrasting and rejecting hetero norms, and sometimes involve being scared to come out (even to accepting parents), facing homophobia, and living in a “glass closet” limbo.

Many people have talked about how Bad Buddy walked so MSP could run - Bad Buddy was more heavy handed and noticeably deliberate with its trope subversions, intentionally trying to correct problems that have existed in the BL genre since the beginning, and this allowed MSP coming later to be more subtle with their changes, working them even more seamlessly into the style and the tone of the show. After MSP, what will be next? Where is GMMTV, and BL as a whole (in Thailand and beyond) heading? I’m excited to find out.

Bibliography

@absolutebl​, specifically these posts: 1 (faen fatales), 2 (seme/uke), 3 (seme/uke tropes), 4 (GMMTV correcting for its mistakes), and all their posts about BL tropes

Agha, Asif. 2003. “The social life of cultural value.” Language & Communication 23: 231-273.

Ahearn, Laura. M. 2012. Living Language: An Introduction to Linguistic Anthropology. Hoboken: Blackwell Publishing Ltd.

Bakhtin, Mikhail M. 1982. “Discourse in the Novel.” In The Dialogic Imagination: Four Essays by M.M. Bakhtin, edited by Michael Holquist, translated by Caryl Emerson and Michael Holquist, 260- 422. Austin: University of Texas Press.

Chandler, Daniel. Semiotics for Beginners. http://visual-memory.co.uk/daniel//Documents/S4B/semiotic.html

Chandler, Daniel. Genre Theory. http://visual-memory.co.uk/daniel//Documents/intgenre/intgenre.html

@cinna-bin: https://cinna-bin.tumblr.com/post/704496825511641088/his-boyfriend-words-matter

Irvine, Judith T. 1996. “Shadow Conversations: The Indeterminacy of Participant Roles.” In Natural Histories of Discourse, edited by Michael Silverstein and Greg Urban, 131-159. Chicago: University of Chicago Press.

Laineste, Liisi, and Piret Voolaid. 2017. “Laughing Across Borders: Intertextuality of Internet Memes.” European Journal of Humour Research 4, no. 4: 26–49.

@miscellar: https://www.tumblr.com/miscellar/674021449476997120/here-are-a-few-things-off-the-top-of-my-head-1 AND edited to add this post, which is so crucial to understanding how intentional all this is when it comes to Bad Buddy: https://www.tumblr.com/miscellar/710442440997371904/hello-in-a-convo-we-were-having-about-qls-that

Proctor, Devin. 2020. "Intertextuality." In The SAGE International Encyclopedia of Mass Media and Society, edited by Debra L. Merskin, 849-50. Thousand Oaks, CA: SAGE Publications.

@ranchthoughts​ (myself): 1 (signs, symbols, icons, indexes, genre and BL), 2 (Bad Buddy and seme/uke tropes), 3 (MSP and imagination vs. reality), 4 (MSP being a good-natured show), 5 (MSP and narrative structure and pacing), 6 (Gun and knowing about Tinn’s crush); and everyone I referenced in those posts as well

Wiggins, Bradley E. 2019. The Discursive Power of Memes in Digital Culture: Ideology, Semiotics, and Intertextuality. London: Routledge.

[anim-ttrpgs]

Fairytale Witch Player Character Rules in Eureka: Investigative Urban Fantasy

Eureka has six playable "monster" types, and about ten total supernatural character options all together. Each supernatural trait is taken basically as if it is a normal trait like the ones you have been seeing us post. You cannot give a character more than one supernatural trait--and from what you are about to read, you probably wouldn't want to. Playing monsters is recommended for "advanced" players only, people who like a lot of "crunch" in their games, as require you to keep track of a lot more mechanics than playing a normal human.

Here is the Fairytale Witch Trait. This is going under a Read More because it's long as hell but we really hope that you will check it out and comment. This is, like, the whole entire ruleset for playing a witch in Eureka.

Fairytale Witch (Monster Trait) 

A “witch” has been many things throughout history, so many things in fact that it is quite difficult to form a cohesive thesis statement about them, and, like vampires, and the Hollywood werewolf, are something whose origins are obscured and severely misunderstood by more recent pop culture and pop history.[1][2][3] The “fairytale witch” in Eureka draws inspiration from a vast range of folkloric sources, ancient, medieval, and early-modern. Literary and folkloric figures, typically women, who wield the power to heal and to harm, and whose aid or ire are nearly always earned.

[1. Off to the side in the final formatting] And like those things, many things which were said to be witches were not and are not.

[2. Off to the side in the final formatting] Certain more recent folkloric elements of the idea of “witchcraft,” including sacrifice and drinking of specifically children’s blood, have been deliberately omitted from mechanization, as these elements stand as direct and recent foundations of present-day antisemitic conspiracy theories. Both in real life and in Eureka, grand conspiracy theories are a comforting fantasy for those who turn a blind eye to actual problems which stand right in front of their face. 

[3. Off to the side in the final formatting] Most witch trials happened in America during the Enlightenment.

Fairytale witches in Eureka may draw on ancient knowledge of these arts passed down generationally, may have learned these abilities from their peers, or may have simply stumbled upon this knowledge some other way and discovered that, while it is simply a silly fantasy to most others, they have an exceptional talent for it.[1] Now what will they do with this power?[2][3] This particular Trait tackles some different themes compared to the other monsters.

[1 off to the side in the final formatting] Regardless, this is not something which can be taught to others over the course of an investigation. Plus, it’s said most people simply lack the talent for it in the first place.

[2 off to the side in the final formatting] Witches are not satanic, at least not literally. The idea that “the Devil” can grant anyone any arcane power is found nowhere in the Bible.

[3 off to the side in the final formatting] You couldn't imagine the hazing.

A lot of a witch’s powers hinge on them knowing someone’s “full true name.” What exactly is meant by a person’s “full true name” is a matter of discussion between player and Narrator, but as a general guideline, if a person is named Jeremy Matthew Jones IV, then “Jeremy Matthew Jones IV” is needed, and just “Jeremy Jones” or “Jeremy M. Jones” won’t be enough. Nicknames also do not generally count.

A fairy cannot make their magic work by just guessing a person’s true name, but a witch can.

Curses

Assuming they have the right materials, a witch can place a terrible curse on an unsuspecting victim from anywhere in the world. More powerful curses have two stages, while simpler curses peter out or fall off after about a week.[1]

[1. Off to the side in the final formatting] For all the many terrible things that the medieval Church was, stagnifying and technologically regressive do not make the list. The institution of the medieval Church was one of philosophy, education, and what we would now call “science,” and medieval clergymen were by and large literate, and relatively well-educated men for the time. The medieval Church’s suppression of “witchcraft” had less in common with the “satanic panic” of the 80s, 90s, and 2000s, and more to do with the idea that even believing that “the devil” or pagan gods could grant anyone wicked powers was a dangerous superstition, enabling of swindlers and charlatans, and this was likely to result in the wrongful persecution of people who behave oddly, as well as, and especially, Jews. This was true of the “satanic panic” and is still true today.

[1.1. Off to the side in the final formatting] This is not to posit that the medieval Church was a champion of religious freedom and equality. One might say they wanted uncontested control of who got to persecute Jews and exactly to what degree.

Casting a Curse Directly

In order to place a curse directly on a target, the witch must be in possession of the target’s full true name[1] clearly written on some material, or a large sample of their DNA (such as a large lock of their hair), or both. These items are destroyed as a part of the casting process.

[1. Off to the side in the final formatting] What exactly is meant by a person’s “full true name” is a matter of discussion between player and Narrator.

Casting a curse requires a supernatural ability Composure roll.

Casting a curse takes 1 Tick or 5 Actions, during which all components are destroyed.[1] The curse will last for 7 days by default before either wearing off completely, or advancing to the next stage. As the curse is cast, roll 1D6+1+[Relevant Skill]. Which Skill is used will vary depending on the curse. The result is the number of days by which the witch may extend or reduce the curse's duration. If the curse is an advanced two-stage curse, the result is the number of days by which the witch may extend or reduce the first stage’s duration. If the result is a negative number, reduce the witch’s Composure by the same amount. A witch may use the Focus Eureka! Point ability to add an additional 1D6 to this roll (and this also adds 1D6 to the advanced curse roll, below).[2]

[1 off to the side in the final formatting] What the act of placing a curse actually looks like varies from witch to witch.

[2   off to the side in the final formatting] This works exactly like using the Focus ability when Incapacitated - add 1D6 per Eureka! Point spent to the roll, and then drop all but the highest two.

If a simple curse is reduced to a duration of “0 days,” it will only take effect for the duration of a single Scene. If the first stage of an advanced curse is set to “0 days,” the curse will advance to the second stage immediately.

When an advanced curse is cast, after the witch decides the effect of the second stage (see below), roll an additional separate 1D6+1+[Relevant Skill]. The result is the number of days by which the witch may extend or reduce the second stage’s duration. Like with a simple curse, the default duration is 7 days, after which the effects will wear off completely.

If the witch only has one of these components, then only a simple curse can be cast. If the witch has both the full true name and the DNA sample, an advanced curse can be cast. If the witch mistakenly has the true name and the DNA of two separate people, then, unbeknownst to the witch, both of those people will be struck with a simple curse.

Witches may place curses upon themselves if they so desire, without needing to use their own full true name or DNA.[1] 

[1 off to the side in the final formatting] They’ve already got it.

A second curse placed upon the same target will extend its duration, but only the effect of one type of curse can apply at once. If a simple curse is placed on a target already suffering the effects of an advanced curse, the simple curse will fail to take effect. If a different kind of advanced curse is placed on a target already suffering the effects of an advanced curse, the new curse will replace the previous curse if the caster can make a Full Success on a skill check with the new curse’s relevant Skill. 

Effects of Simple Curses

A simple curse makes the target suddenly feel extremely feeble and ill.[1] The target will have a -2 modifier applied to all Skill rolls for the duration of the curse’s effect. Simple curses that have no advanced stage always use the Medicine Skill. 

[1. Off to the side in the final formatting] Symptoms include shortness of breath, nausea, fatigue, muscle weakness, loss of appetite, excessive sweating, dizziness, and a sense of impending doom. However, no medical doctor will be able to diagnose exactly what is causing the problem.

Effects of Advanced Curses

Advanced curses typically have two stages, with the first stage appearing nearly identical to a simple curse, with all the same effects. When the second stage takes effect, the effects of the first stage cease. The effect of the second stage is decided as the curse is being cast, before the 1D6 is rolled.

Each advanced curse has a different Skill associated with it. This Skill is used for both the first and second stage of the curse. 

Curse of Transformation

This curse uses the Nature Skill. The target will be spontaneously transformed into an animal of the witch’s preference.[1]

[1 off to the side in the final formatting] Their clothes don’t transform with them.

The witch must make a Full Success on a Nature roll to choose an animal that is not on the following list.

Cat

Frog

Mouse

Newt

Pig

Rat

Toad

Wolf[1]

[1 off to the side in the final formatting] For the stats of a wolf, see p.xx “Werewolf”. The rest of these do not have official stats, but we expect you to be able to figure out what they would be good and bad at.

The target will maintain a functional degree of human intelligence while in this form, at least for some time. Once their human mind is lost, the curse cannot be removed, and will never revert after any amount of time. The curse will also never revert if the target dies while transformed.

For an NPC, the Narrator rolls a hidden 1D6+3. This is how many days the target will retain their humanity.

For an investigator, the Narrator rolls a hidden 1D6. After this number of days, if the transformed investigator ever reaches 0 Composure, their humanity will be lost.

Curse of Reduction

This curse uses the Visual Calculus Skill. The target will be spontaneously reduced to between 5% and 10% of their original size.[1][2][3][4]

[1 off to the side in the final formatting] Their clothes and items may or may not shrink with them, at the caster’s preference.

[2. Off to the side in the final formatting] For a 72” person, that would be between 3.6” and 7.2”.

[3. Off to the side in the final formatting.] In most cases, a person reduced in size like this will be at the mercy of the witch, and can be captured without any rolls needed. However, they still have opposable thumbs, and the means to explain the circumstances to others. Witches may wish to weigh the pros and cons of this compared to transformation into a rat, which can make victims quite hard to catch if they start running right away.

[4 off to the side in the final formatting] A person reduced in size counts as one meal. 

If the target dies while shrunken, the curse will never revert.

Curse of Petrification

This curse uses the Chemistry Skill. The target, including their clothes, will be spontaneously turned to stone. At the preference of the caster, they may or may not retain awareness of their surroundings. If kept aware, they will lose 2 Composure per day, and if unaware, 1 Composure per day, until they are effectively dead, at which point the curse cannot be reverted.[1] If the curse is reverted, either by it wearing off before the point of no return, or being broken, any damage the target sustained as a statue will immediately take effect. For example, chips in their stone body become lacerations in their living body. If an arm was broken off of the statue, their arm is now severed. If the statue suffers fatal damage, the curse will not be able to be reverted. If unaware, then reverting the curse will feel like waking up from a long and restless sleep. The target does not need to eat or sleep so long as they are petrified.

[1 off to the ads in the final formatting] For NPCs, consider them to have 1D6+1 Composure to lose before it starts to eat into their Superficial HP.

Curse of Slumber

This curse uses the Medicine Skill. The next time they fall asleep, the victim will fall into a coma-like state for the duration of the curse. The target will lose 1 Composure per day until the curse either reverts or they die.[1] Unlike with petrification, the body must breathe and be fed during this time.

[1. Off to the side in the final formatting] For NPCs, consider them to have 1D6+1 Composure to lose before it starts to eat into their Superficial HP.

Curse of Death

This curse uses the Blacked Out Skill. The target begins to take 2 Superficial Damage each day for the duration of the curse or until they die, and will be unable to regain HP or Composure through sleep. In addition, apply a -3 modifier to all their rolls.

Defense Against Curses

Upon being struck with a curse, a witch can recognize the intended effect, and may immediately make a Skill check of the curse’s relevant Skill in order to cast it off. This will take one Movement if time is measured in Turns.

Full Success: The curse is fully cast off.

Partial Success: The curse is partially cast off. The witch will suffer only the simple effects, at half the intended duration, and no advanced effects.

Failure: The witch will suffer the full effects of the curse as usual.

Placing a Curse on an Object

Cursing an object works similarly to placing a curse on a person, except no names or DNA are needed, the witch need only be holding the object with bare hands. The default duration of the first stage is 7 days and so is the second stage. Roll 1D6+1+[Relevant Skill] for each to determine by how much the witch can adjust them. After the witch has removed their hands from the object, it will be actively cursed, and anyone who touches it with bare skin, including the witch themselves, will be cursed. The Narrator rolls a hidden 1D12. The result is how many times the curse will transfer to people who touch the object.

Breaking a Curse

There are a number of ways a witch may know to break a curse. If the ailment is not immediately identifiable as a curse, a Full Success on a Blacked Out check by a witch will positively identify whether it is or not. 

The death of the curse’s caster will not remove the curse. 

Manual Removal of the Curse

A curse can be removed in the same way it was cast. If the curse was cast using a true name, the witch can remove the curse using the victim’s true name. If the curse was cast using DNA, the witch can remove the curse using the victim’s DNA.[1] If both, it requires both. Regardless, this takes 1 Tick or 5 Actions. If neither, the curse cannot be broken in this way.

[1. Off to the side in the final formatting] This has to be the victim’s human DNA. If they have been transformed into an animal, their new form’s DNA will not suffice, it will have to be something removed from their body before the transformation.

True Love’s Kiss

A kiss can sometimes be all it takes to lift a curse. The Narrator rolls a hidden D6 once the victim has been kissed. On a 7+, the curse will be broken by the kiss. If it fails, another kiss from the same person will not work either.[1] If time is measured in Turns, this will take an Action from the kisser.

[1. Off to the side in the final formatting.] Morgie’s kisses always lift curses.

Add +1 to the roll if the kisser truly loves the victim.

Add +1 to the roll if the kisser is female.

Add +1 to the roll if the kisser is of noble or royal lineage, or is a fairy.

Curse Removal and Cure by Potion

If all else fails, a potion can be brewed to lift the curse. A potion to lift a specific type of curse will require the same recipe as a potion that would have caused that type of curse, plus one additional Table 3 ingredient. However, the victim must be able to drink the potion for it to take effect, meaning a curse of petrification cannot be lifted in this way. See p.xx “Brewing Potions”. Using the same method, a Non-Lethal or Lethal Poison Potion can have an extra Table 3 ingredient added to make them antidotes for their respective poisons, and a Love Potion can have an extra Table 3 ingredient added to make it a cure for Love Potions, etc. 

Brewing Potions

If there’s one thing witches are known for, it’s potions.[1] Potions represent the most reliable and effective vehicle of a witch’s magic, and are often something of a magic spell in and of themselves.[2][3]

[1. Off to the side in the final formatting] A large metal cauldron is classic, but takes up a lot of space in an apartment, so a stovetop is usually fine.

[2. Off to the side in the final formatting] The “magic words” may or may not have any true power in and of themselves. Sometimes, the time it takes to recite the entire “spell” three times is just about how long the potion needs to be left on the heat.

[3. Off to the side in the final formatting] In the Middle Ages, until about the mid-1400s, the conception of a “witch” was often cautiously positive, and may conjure up the image of an unmarried woman living outside of town who has vast generational knowledge to draw upon in the way of midwifery techniques, herbalism, medicine, and poison.

When a witch brews a potion, it is often going to be something of an ordeal to gather all the right ingredients, but the payoff will be an effect that the witch can set the exact delay and duration of, and which can be applied to anyone who consumes it, bypassing both the element of uncertainty, and the prickly details, of casting a curse by hand. A successfully brewed potion can be made to have any length of delay between consumption and effect, and the effect can be made to last for any length of time, including permanency.

Potion brewing is as much an art as a science, and no two brews will be the same, even if they aim to achieve the same effect across the same duration. The process of brewing a magic potion is influenced by factors barely understood by the witch and certainly not under their control, it won’t be until the the process is underway that it becomes clear exactly what is needed to finish the concoction.[1][2] Not counting the time required to gather the ingredients, a witch must spend at least 1 Tick a day attending to the potion in between the time the base is added and the final two ingredients are added, as well as 1D6 Ticks finishing the potion once all of the ingredients have been added.

[1. Off to the side in the final formatting] When it became clear that prayer alone would not suffice, ordained priests may be the village’s most avid practitioner of “folk magic.” Folk “magic” of course just being another word for an observable effect to which the cause is not fully scientifically understood.

[2. Off to the side in the final formatting] Sometimes, the ingredients required for a potion will be realistically impossible to obtain in certain scenarios.

Every potion has three ingredients: A base, which is always going to be the same for the kind of effect the witch is trying to achieve, and two additional main ingredients which will become clear only after the brewing process has begun.[1] See below for the list of possible potion effects, the required bases, and the two other ingredients, which will be rolled on the relevant ingredient tables.

[1. Off to the side in the final formatting] This is not literally all the ingredients, just the ones that matter most mechanically and which will not be understood until the process has begun. The witch will be throwing all sorts of things in there in the meantime.

The base for a potion must be acquired and added, and after the other two required ingredients become known, those too must be acquired and added. For ingredients that would be reasonable to have on-hand, a Wealth roll using the witch’s home (or whatever home they’re doing this in) may suffice, but many ingredients will require the witch and any other investigators willing to help them to divert their plans to seek them out. If the investigators decide that a particular potion is necessary for their progress towards solving the mystery, then consider rolls that seek to gather information on where to find the necessary ingredients to count as Investigative Rolls.

Potions do not work on any subject unable to ingest or digest them.

Any potion which applies an advanced curse’s effect does so without applying the effect of the first stage.

If a potion is intended to be mixed with food, a witch may take steps to make the potion more difficult to detect by taste or smell with a Blacked Out or Chemistry roll, hidden by the Narrator.

Full Success: The potion is impossible to detect once it has been applied to or mixed with food.

Partial Success: The potion may be detected by a Full or Partial Success on a Senses roll.

Failure: The taste or smell of the potion is immediately obvious to just about anyone.

To make a potion undetectable in an autopsy or other examination of the victim, a witch can make a Chemistry or Blacked Out roll.

Full Success: The remnants and evidence of the potion in the victim’s system will dissipate completely before any examination can be conducted.

Partial Success: Evidence of the potion within the victim’s system will be undetectable by normal means, but a witch may still be able to identify it.

Failure: Any medical examiner will be able to detect the traces of the potion, but only someone versed in witchcraft will be able to properly identify it.

Potions which apply the same effects as curses count as those curses for all intents and purposes, including their removal. Thus a curse caused by a potion could be removed by use of the victim’s hair and true name, by use of a curse-removing potion, or by a kiss.

Starting the Adventure with Potions

A witch can start the adventure with potions already in their inventory in exchange for WP, either because they recently brewed them, or bought or traded from another witch (who is unavailable for a refund of takeback during the adventure). The witch will not be able to buy potions during the adventure. Any potion bought by WP in character creation can be made curative by spending 1 extra WP. (See p.xx “Curse Removal and Cure by Potion”.)

2WP: Random potion.[1] Roll 1D6+1D12 on the list of potions.

[1. Off to the side in the final formatting] It’s only random to the player, not the witch. They know what they got it for. 

4WP: Specific potion. Choose any one potion from the list.

List of Potions

2. Potion of Invisibility

Cat (boiled live), Table 3, Table 3. Renders one invisible to the naked eye for a single Scene, including clothing and small held items.

3. Potion of Transformation

Blood of the animal that this potion is intended to turn someone into, Table 3, Table 3. Applies the second stage of a transformation curse. See p.xx “Curse of Transformation”.

4. Potion of Petrification

Powdered marble, Table 2, Table 3. Applies the second stage of a petrification curse. See p.xx “Curse of Petrification”.

5. Potion of Waking Sleep

Apple, Table 2, Table 3. Allows one to remain awake for one full night without suffering any Composure loss.

6. Love Potion

hair of the subject of affection, Table 2, Table 3. All rolls made by the subject of affection towards the drinker of the potion have a +2 Contextual modifier.[1][2][3]

[1. Off to the side in the final formatting] This works like any other curse - though it can only be applied by a potion, the love potion’s effect may be undone by other means (e.g. with a sample of DNA and the person’s full true name).

[2. Off to the side in the final formatting] The world is a little fuzzier when the subject of the affection is in view, but their voice is always loud and clear.

[3. Off to the side in the final formatting] Easily slipped into a drink - one more reason to be vigilant at bars.

7. Potion of Slumber

Sand, Table 1, Table 3. Applies the second stage of a slumber curse. See p.xx “Curse of Slumber”.

8. Potion of Nourishment

Bread crumbs, Table 1, Table 3. Consuming this counts as 3 daily meals at once.

9. Potion of Death

Rat (boiled live), Table 1, Table 2. Applies the second stage of a death curse. See p.xx “Curse of Death”.

10. Sleep Aid

Wolfsbane, Table 1, Table 1. Grants one 1 additional point of Composure restored after a single full night’s rest.

11. Pain Relief

oak bark, Table 1, Table 2. Grants one 1 additional point of Superficial HP restored after a single full night’s rest.

12. Potion of Glamour

Lavender, Table 1, Table 3. Apply a +2 Base bonus to this character’s Charm and Seduce Skills for a single Scene. 

13. Non-lethal Poison

Thorns of a thorny plant, Table 1, Table 3. Applies Poison (Non-lethal, OT: Witch’s choice, DF: Witch’s choice). See p.xx “Non-lethal Poison”.

14. Potion of Healing

Copper shavings, Table 1, Table 3. When applied with a Medicine roll, add +2 to the amount of HP restored, even with a Failure. This can also rid the body of non-chronic diseases, such as a short-term virus or bacterial infection. 

15. Juice that Makes You Explode

Gunpowder, Table 2, Table 3. When the potion takes effect, the Narrator rolls a hidden D6. On a 6, This causes the consumer to violently explode as a Shrapnel Explosion. On a 1-5, the option has no effect. See p.xx “Shrapnel Explosion”.

16. Lethal Poison

Hemlock, Table 2, Table 3. Applies Poison (Lethal, OT: Witch’s choice, DF: Witch’s choice). See p.xx “Lethal Poison”. 

17. Potion of Soothing 

Simmered liquor, Table 2, Table 3. Restores 3 points of Composure.

18. Potion of Reduction

Salt, Table 3, Table 3. Applies the second stage of a reduction curse. See p.xx “Curse of Reduction”.

Potion Ingredients Table 1

A witch with a +2 or higher in Nature can roll a second time on this table and use either result in the potion.

1,1. Beetroot

1,2. Beetroot

1,3. Adder’s fork (trout lily)

1,4. Beetroot

1,5. Wolfsbane

1,6. Yew leaves

2,1. Tiger’s blood

2,2. Oak leaves

2,3. Blind-worm’s sting (wormwood)

2,4. Eye of Newt (mustard seed)[1]

2,5. Eye of newt (actual)

2,6. Gecko’s blood

3,1. Tongue of dog (houndstongue, the plant)

3,2. Tongue of dog (actual)

3,3. Lizard leg (ivy)

3,4. Lizard leg (actual)

3,5. Owlet’s wing (garlic)

3,6. Owlet’s wing (actual)

4,1. Scale of dragon (the plant)

4,2. Tooth of wolf (club moss)

4,3. Tooth of wolf (actual)

4,4. Gall of goat (st. John’s wart)

4,5. Bloody fingers (foxgloves)

4,6. Bloody fingers (actual)

5,1. Tiger’s chaudron (lady’s mantle)

5,2. Baboon’s blood

5,3. Toe of frog (buttercup)

5,4. Toe of frog (actual)

5,5. Fillet of fenny snake (arums)

5,6. Wool of bat (holly leaves)

6,1. Wool of bat (actual)

6,2. Snakes

6,3. Snails

6,4. Puppy dog tails

6,5. Rose petals

6,6. Snips (eels)

[1 off to the side in the final formatting] There is little evidence that “eye of newt” and “lizard’s leg” and stuff like that was actually code for regular household ingredients, but there’s also little evidence that every witch would know that.

Potion Ingredients Table 2

A witch with a +2 or higher in Chemistry can roll a second time on this table and use either result in the potion.

1,1. Human hair

1,2. Cobwebs

1,3. Sugar

1,4. Human urine

1,5. Human bone

1,6. Human wart

2,1. Cat’s whiskers

2,2. Dog hair

2,3. Snake egg

2,4. Feather of crow

2,5. Chicken egg

2,6. Shark’s tooth

3,1. Booger

3,2. Salt

3,3. Silver shavings

3,4. Copper shavings

3,5. Tobacco

3,6. Gold shavings

4,1. Iron shavings

4,2. Magnet

4,3. Human liver

4,4. Human nose

4,5. Human lips

4,6. Sand from an hourglass

5,1. Bronze shavings

5,2. Aluminium shavings

5,3. Honey

5,4. Gunpowder

5,5. Rabbit’s foot

5,6. Eye of spider

6,1. Ocean water

6,2. Expired milk

6,3. A piece of burned meat

6,4. Tail of rat

6,5. Nightshade

6,6. Neon

Potion Ingredients Table 3

A witch with a +2 or higher in [Blacked Out] can roll a second time on this table and use either result in the potion.

1,1. Cat (boiled live)

1,2. Human hair (red)

1,3. Something sold based on a lie

1,4. Candy stolen from a baby

1,5. Witch’s blood

1,6. Washwater from the sheets of a deathbed

2,1. A picture taken moments before disaster

2,2. Something thrown away in anger

2,3. Blood drawn from a toe

2,4. A murder weapon

2,5. A family photo.

2,6. A divorcee’s wedding ring

3,1. Powdered skull from two-headed cow.

3,2. Cremated human remains

3,3. Picture of a sniper rifle from a video game released in 2009.

3,4. Ash obtained by burning wood from a shipwreck

3,5. a silk mourning veil (used)

3,6. Something stolen from a neighbor

4,1. Coffin nails

4,2. grave dirt

4,3. Blood of a virgin

4,4. Pants of Matt

4,5. A pet’s favorite toy

4,6. wine which has not seen the sun for at least ten years

5,1. Hair of a murderer

5,2. Orphan’s tears

5,3. Sock of Matt (oven baked)

5,4. Engagement ring (used)

5,5. A flower picked as it blooms under a full moon.

5,6. An adorable sneeze

6,1. Love

6,2. Water from the lungs of a drowned man

6,3. Menstrual blood

6,4. Gamer girl bath water

6,5. Something stolen from a friend

6,6. Human semen

Casting Spells

Without taking up a Trait slot, a witch can be considered to have any Power from the Mage Power List, but only one at a time. Swapping between these Powers requires a non-skill supernatural ability Composure roll, as well as taking an Action if done in combat. 

Enchanted Vehicle and Flying

As a non-skill supernatural ability, the witch may enchant a vehicle, broom, or other object of similar category (or theming), allowing it to fly under their control so long as they are piloting it.[1] The enchanted object will not fly for anyone but the witch, and will become inert soon after the witch stops piloting it. If done in combat, this takes 1 Action.[2][3]

[1. Off to the side in the final formatting] Old-fashioned brooms are traditional, but there are a number of other objects, modern or otherwise, that would logically be suitable as a substitute. Figure it out.

[2 off to the side in the final formatting] As a warning, virtually any flying vehicle will be extremely obvious and visible during the daytime.

[3 off to the side in the final formatting] Watch out for birds.

Witches have a “Flying” Write-in Skill, used in place of the Athletics skill when piloting either a flying Manually Powered Vehicle, or a flying household object. It does not allow the witch to fly without an enchanted object. Unlike other Write-in Skills, the Flying Skill starts at 0 and can be set to any value between -3 and +3, so long as all of the witch’s Skill modifiers still add up to 0.[should this be able to go below 0?]

A roll is not required to control this device under normal circumstances, but intense maneuvers will require a Flying or Driving roll.

Flying objects have an Acceleration of +12, unless the object already has a higher Acceleration.

If I Can’t Have You, No One Can (Fairytale Witch True Nature)

Flat Composure Damage from Skipping Meals = Yes

Composure restoration from Three Meals a Day  = Yes

Flat Composure Damage from Skipping Sleep = Yes

Composure restoration from Full Night’s Sleep = Yes

Eating people, or using one’s powers against others for petty and/or entirely selfish reasons will restore a witch’s Composure, though the witch has no connatural need to do these things.[1]

[1 off to the side in the final formatting] A witch can’t stop being a witch any more than a soldier can stop being a soldier.

For use of powers, an act that temporarily affects the victim will restore 1 point of Composure, and an act that permanently affects the victim will restore 2 points of Composure. These acts do not necessarily have to involve the use of magic. If the witch has a non-magical opportunity to exert power over another individual for petty and/or entirely selfish reasons, this could work as well. 

For eating people, making a meal of a person will restore 2 points of Composure. Making a meal of a person who was alive until moments before preparation and consumption, or is still alive when consumed, will restore 3 points of Composure. If the victim happens to be a former friend or lover of the witch, restore 1 additional point of Composure.[1][2][3][4]

[1. Off to the side in the final formatting] This only restores Composure one time per victim. Eating multiple meals made from the same person will not restore Composure for each meal.

[2. Off to the side in the final formatting] Clever witches are said to make use of magic to consume their enemies more efficiently.

[3 off to the side in the final formatting] Eating the flesh of a human that has been transformed into an animal by a curse does count, at least for Composure restoration. This is also, probably, a lot healthier.

[4 off to the side in the final formatting] If the witch makes multiple meals of a single person, only the first meal will restore the extra Composure. Any leftovers will count as “normal” food. 

Dangerous Games (Fairytale Witch Weakness)

As relatively normal people (at least by monster standards), fairytale witches don’t have much in the way of supernatural weaknesses, except for the fact that their bodies simply can not handle excessive prolonged use of so many arcane powers.

Whenever a fairytale witch uses a non-Skill supernatural ability, the Composure roll is made at -3 instead of +3. There are, however, ways to reduce the strain these acts of sorcery put on the body.

Casting Implements

There are certain tools of the trade which can relieve some of the strain by drawing the energy out of the witch’s body before manifesting it in reality or facilitating it by other means. [this sentence kinda sucks but I’m on 5 hours of sleep. Fix it in copy-editing]

Each casting implement in use provides a bonus to the non-skill supernatural ability Composure roll a witch makes to use her powers. A casting implement must be being touched (or held telekinetically) by the witch in order to provide this bonus.[1] The cumulative bonus given by all of a witch’s casting implements cannot bring the Composure roll higher than a cumulative +3. The process by which an object is prepared to be used as such a device is arcane and cannot be accomplished mid-adventure, nor can one of these be bought with a Wealth roll mid-adventure. They can only be acquired through Wealth Points.

[1. Off to the side in the final formatting] The implement does not *necessarily* have to be pointed in the direction of the target of the power, but many witches find that this helps them focus.

Jewelry 

+1 [2WP] A piece of jewelry. Multiple can be worn to further defer strain and increase the Composure roll bonus.

Wand

+1. [1WP] Could be a gnarled old stick or a black rod with a white tip, or anything in between, as long as it is elongated and about 10 to 24 inches. Only one wand or staff may be in use by the witch at a time.

Staff

+2 [1WP] Like a larger, more heavy-duty wand. Must be at least as tall as the witch themselves. Only one wand or staff may be in use by the witch at a time.

Spell Book

+1 [1WP] Could be an old leather-bound tome, or a spiral notebook containing the witch’s scribbled research notes. Must be opened and read from to confer a bonus, but does not necessarily need to be touched. Only one spell book can confer a bonus at a time.

[audreyscribes]

Carry On My Wayward Child [Part 1]

Ω PJO IMAGINE Ω

PROMPT: When a dream makes the reader unable to settle, they decide to take a walk, converting their dream to reality.

Reader encounters Luke, Thalia, and Annabeth on the run when they have a dream that makes them go out and see a sick Annabeth with a tired, injured Luke and Thalia. They take them in, saving them, and encounters them years later when they remembered a kind stranger.

a/n: Reader is neutral; no specific pronouns or descriptions used. Referred to as Y/N. Roughly college/university age. [Ao3 LINK] | [2] [3] [4]

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Being in college sucks. If it weren’t for the fact an authenticated paper by a post-secondary education would be vital for job seeking, then you would’ve long given up this damn paper a long time ago. Your mind is swarming with information, thesis, structures, and your brain stuck onto stretching your words as much as possible to fulfill the bare minimum word count.

You groan, dropping your head into your propped hands, closing your strained eyes as words start to swarm off the paper, flying around like gnats. Even if you wanted to keep pushing forward, your energy was severely depleted into the long night so it was futile to keep pursuing.

You curse the paper to pieces, while also praying to every god you could think of to either end its existence or something-

Your head pulsed with exhaustion, and you push yourself away from the table, hands outstretched to the limit. The legs of the chair scrape loudly in protest against the floor, both you and the chair teetering precariously. You winced at the noise but then remembered you lived alone but habits die hard. Your fingers grip the edge as you look towards the window.

It is very much late. Very much night.

The moon is big and full, the light it shines down giving a soft glow that soothes you. Just a bit.

Just enough to realize you’re really tired and you really need sleep.

You stand up from your chair, halfheartedly cleaning up your work station and turning off the lights. You quickly brush your teeth, to feel slightly less gross and to get rid of the seemingly never ending consumption of caffeine, before body-slamming yourself into your bed. Burrowing in the covers and resting your weary head into the pillow, it took you a moment for your body to relax in softness before darkness took over.

A pause. Some peace until you find yourself witnessing a scene.

A scene of three kids, a boy and two girls. Each being younger then the other. They were running through the night, constantly looking over their shoulders as roars and screeches of what could only be considered as monsters. You watch as they run and you can’t help react to every time they stumble, gasp, and basically whatever hell these kids are going through. You see them wield what could only be weapons, slashing and tumbling through the monsters, as they explode into golden dust.

There’s a blur transition and with a golden explosion of dust, you see the kids hide underneath a very familiar bridge. Darkness covers them as they nervously peer out from their current reprieve, the light of the full moon almost blinding. You hear thundering footsteps, like elephants stampeding through, with clicks of claws or whatever it could be. They blur through you and you see what could be only a demented wolf growl and you see its maw consuming you-

You gasp out and curse from your dream, sweat sticking to your skin. Your heart thumping against your chest wildly is your only tether to reality as it reminds you that you are very much alive. You look around, your brain on adrenaline mood.

Seeing as you’re still in bed and in your home, you feel the strings holding you up cut, and you fall back into bed. You’re too tired to deal with this so you try to sleep. But you toss and turn in your sleep, the light of the moon seems to be brighter and is preventing you from sleeping.

Frustrated, you sit up in bed and rub your hands over your face. You decide to get a drink, not wanting to go back to your paper. You quench your first and your brain can’t help think to the kids in the dream, silently wondering if they were thirsty-

Shaking your head to get rid of that image, you decide to take a nice hot shower to feel clean.

That helped you feel more human but now you were more awake-

You glance at the clock and groan at the fact it wasn’t even that long since you went to sleep. Your body was on edge and your brain couldn’t help wander back to the dream. You noted that the bridge was one you were familiar with and wasn’t that far in terms of walking distance-

Whining at you were about to do, you decide to take a walk; if anything, to soothe your paranoid brain and see that there weren’t any kids underneath the bridge-

Is what you would’ve liked to say as you had bent yourself over the bridge railing. You didn’t feel like slipping down the incline to check the kids were there, but as you bent over, you saw three suspiciously kid shaped shadows extend forwards on the ground that that bridge started off. You bent even further, hands locked tightly on the railing and your eyes blown wide in surprise as you saw those exact three kids in the dream.

This surprised you so much so that you lost your grip and your view point of the world flipped over and plummeted. You let out a yell, air whipping past you and like an invisible hand was helping you, you found your body flipping and slowing down. A voice whispered to your ears, making your body move on its own.

The next thing you knew you had landed perfectly well on the ground, but there was still shock waves going through your entire body, jittering your nerves. You wondered how you even pull off that move without obliterating your legs, but you weren’t going to be ungrateful whatever happened for you to pull off the landing and still have your legs and every limb function still working.

There was a glint from your peripheral and you looked towards it, to only see the boy holding what could only be a bonafide swear-to-gods dagger at you. It was shaky, scattering whatever light it caught and you looked at the wielder. The boy had blue eyes and sandy blond hair. You saw someone shifting behind him and your eyes saw a girl with black hair and shockingly electric blue eyes, wearing all black and in her arms…her eyes were closed with a scrunched up face, but you remembered in your dream that the girl had gray eyes, so if you had to guess-

“Who are you? What do you want?!” questioned the boy as he pointed his weapon towards you as if it to threaten (in your mind you could only see that he saw you as something like a lion that had gotten stuck in its cage and he was desperately holding you back).

You raised your hands up as a friendly gesture and felt your throat dry up. You debated whether or not if you were going to tell the truth, that you came out here based on a whim and lo and behold they were here.

You heard a bone shaking howl and you turned to it, confused but also nerved since it was the dead of night. You heard shuffling and turned to the kids, they’re eyes wide with alert, weapons readied at where the howl was coming from and at you.

The dream of the monsters popped in your head and you were starting to wonder if the monsters were really there-

You licked your cracked lips before deciding to take a limb.

“My name is (y/n), I’m just a college student that went on a walk after a bad dream…” you started and watched their reactions. They seemed to not believe you and you remembered the weight of your wallet in your pocket. You reached a hand to your pocket and saw the boy stiffen. You stopped but kept your hand near your pocket, “I’m just going to grab my wallet in my pocket, alright? If you don’t believe my words, I can show you my college ID okay?”

You slowly lowered your hand and the boy’s dagger followed its movement. You felt your throat tighten at the gesture but you kept your wits. Les you lose a limb really.

You grabbed your wallet and slowly opened it, revealing its content. You picked your college ID and slowly taking it out, holding it up between your fingers. You then flicked it towards the kids and the boy looked between the ID and you for a moment.

He kept his eyes on you while slowly kneeling to pick it up, his eyes glancing at the ID before really reading it. His face was bewildered and saw the girl behind him get up to read it too, as if to verify it. You hoped they were just staring at your goofy face of your ID that was just ridiculous looking.

You gave a shaky smile, “I appreciate it if you didn’t, y’know throw it in the river or break it please. I get a college ID for free at first but to replace it, I have to spend like $20 bucks each time to get it replaced.”

The kids looked at you then at each other, whispering as if to debrief. You heard the howl again and it sounded closer-

You saw the kids jump and the girl behind them whimper as you looked around. You weren’t sure if the monsters were coming but as you looked at the kids now that you weren’t going to be immediately stabbed, you saw their state.

They were tired, dirty, and injured. The girl behind them was the same but she had a weird flush to her face and you felt your body turn cold. It wasn’t that warm outside and their clothes seemed very bare minimum and had tears in them. You weren’t sure how long they were on the run for but now you were here, you couldn’t find it in yourself to abandon them.

“Hey-“ their heads whipped at you and you felt your voice dying inside you for a moment, before you summoned the courage back. “-I don’t know why you kids are out this late, or why you’re under the bridge, but you can’t stay here.”

“Where do you think we can go then?” asked the boy, his voice grating with annoyance and fatigue.

“My place”

They seemed surprised and more on edge.

“Look, I get it I’m not the most believable person right now, and I get you don’t want to listen to a stranger who fell off the bridge, but I you need to trust me. I’m a lone college student and I have a place for you to sleep. You can sleep for just the night, take a shower, eat, or whatever, but you’ll warm and safe.”

The final two words seemed to trigger something in them, making them more miserable. Faintly you heard some latin? Pig latin? Words? But not really? But then you saw them arguing…no pleading to the other, their hand gesturing to the little girl behind them.

“-please-“

“We can’t. We don’t know this person and who knows, maybe she’s a monster in disguise-“

“I know that! But Annabeth’s fever is-“

You heard about the fever, and you definitely can’t let them stay out. Staying out in the night is already risky, but with a fever? That was a death sentence. You may be a struggling college student and barely call yourself an adult, but you were enough of an adult that you couldn’t just leave these kids alone-

“But what if-“

“Look, your little sister right there isn’t looking good,” you say, stepping forward. At least you assumed they were siblings. They each shared similar characteristics with one or the other. Their bodies stiffened and you made a stern face.

“And like, I know I’m repeating myself and by gods, do I know you shouldn’t be listening to a stranger this late at night, but trust me when I say when I’m not going to hurt you. I can’t walk away in good conscious when I know I can get you kids to be safe for just a night nor can you let your sister sleep outside when she has a fever. If you follow me to my place, you can be rest assured she’ll survive the night then sleeping out in the cold. I swear I won’t hurt you or any of you.”

The two kids looked at each other before the girl spoke up next. “Do you swear?”

“I swear.”

“Do you swear on the river Styx?”

You felt something in the air chill as you faintly remembered that the River Styx was something from Greek Mythology. You could feel something in your brain shift as you held up your hand and crossed your heart with the other. ‘Weird question but-‘ you said in your mind before opening your mouth, “I swear on the River Styx and cross my heart to die.”

You watched the kids’ eyes widen and mouth gape open with something akin to fear. You felt something inside you tighten and the air seemed to snap. The kids looked at each other before nodding as the boy held his dagger at you.

“If you try anything funny-“

“I swore didn’t I? Have some faith in that then” you said before gesturing to the kids to follow.

You watched the boy piggyback the girl onto his back, his face softening when looking at her with you recognized was sibling love, while the other girl helped him while also threatened you with a spear now.

Not going to lie, it was kind of working.

(somewhere, some part in you quietly whispered to you that their weapons couldn’t hurt you. But you didn’t want to tempt fate (even if they didn’t hurt you, it gave them some sense of control and safety so might as well believe it eh?))

You led them to your place, the kids following behind you with a a dagger trained on your back. You were glad and cursed it was so late in the night but you swore, and you couldn’t turn them away for any other good reasons now.

You showed them the door and took out the key unlocked it, opening the door. As it creaked open, you winced at the noise but you felt something shift behind you. You took a moment to glance back and something in your chest became more unsettled.

The two older kids seemed to stare into the darkness of your place, with something akin to fear. You saw their jaws tightened, as if they were ready to streak and you knew at that point, that something really bad happened to them.

What you weren’t sure.

But you were starting to feel like you didn’t want to know. Shouldn’t know.

You stepped inside and quickly flipped on the lights, steeling your nerves as you didn’t hear them step in after you. You already got them this far, which was already what you least expected.

You took off your jacket, shuddering at how cold the exterior was. You were only outside for a short while and the cold was already clinging to it. How cold it must’ve been for those kids with the bare minimum of essentials?

You turned to the kids who had stepped the foothold of the door, but look ready to book for it at the slight thing going wrong.

“Alright, welcome to my humble abode, I guess” you tried to say with a lighthearted tone. “It’s not much but it satisfies the basic human needs.”

You saw the raised skeptical eyebrow and thought, 'Sheesh, tough crowd.'

“Come on, close the door before you let all the heat out” you said, before dropping the keys in a bowl, “Let me put on the kettle first then I’ll show you your rooms”. As you filled the kettle, you used that brief solace to gather your wits. Only temporarily because you could feel the kids watching you from the corner.

With the kettle on, you lead them through the house and to one of the guest rooms. You gestured to the door and opened it, flipping on the light quickly. It was a bit dusty but not as bad when you first came to the place; since you, more often then not, had your fellow classmates crash in these beds when they blacked out; whether from alcohol or the soul crushing weight of schoolwork.

You gestured to the Queen-sized bed, “Set her over there, let me grab some extra pillows and blankets” you said before going to the closet. You were sure you had some over here-

“Are you sure you’re a college student?”

You turned and saw them look around, observing the room and looking at you skeptically. Your arms were full of pillows and blankets. You stared for a moment before going to the bed, plopping it down.

“Yeah, you saw my ID right, which by the way I really need back-“

“But how come you’re alone in this old house?”

You turned to them as you realized.

“Ah-“ you started before leaning against the metal bedpost to hide the anxiousness in your body, “Funny thing really. When I was applying for colleges, I wanted to save money along the way cause remember kids, tuition is expensive-“ you stammered, “And then we remembered we had distant aunt we somewhat keep into contact with and my parents managed to talk into her letting me stay over here for my college tuition with being the housekeeper and stuff while she gone overseas time to time.”

“A distant aunt? Overseas? Really?” that last part was definitely sarcastic.

“Yeah yeah, sounds too good to be true” you said, before patting the bed, “Come on, set her down, you look like you’re about to collapse and drop her.”

The boy looked at the girl for a moment before taking their little sister to the bed. As soon the girl was set on the soft covers, she made a noise of content and burrowed herself in the blankets. You smiled before stretching and gestured to the room.

“I guess you want to sleep in the same room?” you clarified.

The other two nodded and you hummed. “Thought so. Anyway, there’s a small toilet and sink here, but when you want to get cleaned up, you have to use the bathroom down the hall. Otherwise, chairs, desk, closet, are all for you guys to use.”

You scooched past them and gestured to them to follow. You showed them the basic layout of the house and showed them where the towels were.

“I’ll go grab the kid’s Tylenol and some stuff for your sister. You can do what you want and stuff, but just don’t mess anything alright?” you said. You stared at them, waiting for a response, but they stared at you.

“Oooookay then” you said, awkwardly before leaving them alone and as you turned the corner, you placed your face in your heads and wondered,

What in the world were you doing?

[To be continued...]

____________________________________________________________

a/n: I realized I had this idea for a while, wrote it down, forgot I had it written, realized it was getting verrry long and now its in parts. So here you go everyone. Maybe I got hyped back from the liveaction Percy Jackson trailer or something, but I went SPEED.

[incorrect-koh-posts]

Your knowledge of medieval stuff is really impressive! You said in the tags of that ask you answered that you majored in literature? I would love to hear more about your passion for medieval literature and just medieval times in general. Did it start with Kingdom of Heaven or were you interested in it long before watching the film?

Ahh, I'm glad you think so, thank you! ☺️

I did my BA with a major in German literature and linguistics and a minor in English lit. For my MA (which I'm almost finished with save for my thesis defence), I switched to English full-time. My interest in medieval literature is really something that came with my studies - I've always had a general interest in history and read lots of historical fiction while in school, but I'd had basically no exposure to medieval texts (or the knowledge to engage somewhat meaningfully with them) until I had to take my first compulsory "Introduction to Medieval Literature" class at uni. From then on, I just kind of fell in love with the subject. We had a great prof - a really cool older lady who gave the most engaging lectures and with whom I later took seminars on topics like the medieval idea of monsters or animal depictions in chivalric romance.

Within all things medieval, the area that perhaps fascinates me the most is medievalism studies, which is a sort of sub-discipline of medieval studies that investigates, broadly speaking, the reception and depiction of the Middle Ages as well as medieval texts and topics in post-medieval media. Idk why it had to be that field in particular, but there's just something so beautiful in finding parallels and continuities between our world and the medieval one, especially since misconceptions about the Middle Ages are still so prevalent. Unsurprisingly, I wrote both of my dissertations on such medieval/modern overlaps: In my BA thesis I looked into the portrayal and function of mentor-mentee relationships in medieval literature and modern adolescent fiction (lots of commonalities there, interestingly enough!), whereas in my MA diss I focused on the construction of dystopian scenarios in recent British Arthurian fiction and how these respond not only to the older Arthurian material but also to present-day environmental and political anxieties. (Sounds a bit complicated but it makes sense, I promise.)

Perhaps this is why KoH has had such a chokehold on me these past 4 years. It's such a flawed piece of media that it makes me want to dig my teeth into it, in an academic as well as a fic-writing sense. There are so many moments in it that could be right out of a chivalric romance, yet also so many others where the film blows its pretence to historicity to all hell; there are so many interesting characters who only scratch at the surface of the historical figures behind them, and simply so much wasted potential. It's just ... ahhh.

The funny thing is that my growing interest in medieval literature kind of coincided with me discovering KoH, which in turn made me dig even deeper into the research side of things (a vicious circle lol). I think I wrote another post on this about a year ago, but me discovering - or rather re-discovering - Kingdom of Heaven was basically the result of the following chain reaction: I somehow stumbled upon an old novel covering the same events as KoH (Graham Shelby's The Knights of Dark Renown) > something in that book's depiction of Raymond of Tripoli scratched my brain in the right place > I investigated further and found KoH > I saw that skrunkly Mr Irons was part of the cast and decided I had to watch it immediately. In such matters I'm a simple girl - nothing will incite me to watch a film more than an old history man being hot 😂

And then half-way through the film I remembered I'd actually seen it before - with my former best friend during the early years of secondary school when she was obsessed (and by that I mean obsessed) with Orlando Bloom and made me watch literally every film with him that she could get her hands on. Which was a good thing only insofar as it made me discover Lord of the Rings. Though in hindsight it's very funny because she clearly intended for me to join her in her Orlando insanity, whereas confused 11-year-old me instead stared at Aragorn and Tiberias like this: 😳. Yes, I've always had impeccable taste, obviously.

And thus, in the spring of the year of our Lord 2020, I entered my KoH era, and so far the brainrot is still thriving.

I do wonder, though, how many people in the fandom have a similar background? The handful of people that I know or have interacted with seem to skew that way, with mostly history- or literature-related fields of study, but I wonder how representative they are of the overall fandom 🤔

In any case, thank you for the fun ask that did not flatter me at all!

[iasmelaion]

In the spirit of the post you just reblogged and because I only just stumbled my way to being obsessed with this fic, would you like to talk about the backstory/impetus behind "join the monster squad"?

I have so many feelings about trauma recovery and how people carry the pain they've been dealt, and you rendered it in such a grounded way with Yelena and the many (oh God SO MANY) former assassins in the Avengers' orbit.

Yes, always!!

So, the backstory behind this fic is that I had an idea kicking around my fic notes file for literal YEARS that was just: "post-Endgame Bucky's support group for traumatized ex-assassins and non-con science experiments." Because yeah, when I thought about it, the MCU was ABSOLUTELY FULL of traumatized ex-assassins and non-con science experiments, and I was like, "hmm, there's a possibly funny, possibly sad story in that." The idea lingered on, unwritten, and eventually I was like, well, maybe it's not Bucky's support group, but Natasha's, and then it lingered some more, mostly because I covered the ground I wanted to with these two in other fics, so the prospect of writing this fic with either of those two felt kind of boring.

But then after I wrote "a balanced, careful weave" from Yelena's POV, I realized the fic could also work as a Yelena fic, and then it all clicked! It's not exactly a sequel to "a balanced, careful weave", but they do take place in the same fic universe, so that one might shed some more light on Yelena. Mostly though, writing Yelena's voice is an absolute delight, so I was excited to try out the premise with her.

Writing it from Yelena's POV was much more interesting to me than writing it from Bucky or Natasha's, mostly because I think Yelena has a very different view of her circumstances and her trauma than either of those two do. She's very pragmatic, and she has very different needs and desires than either Bucky or Natasha. Where Bucky and Natasha are pretty concerned with guilt and redemption and the red in their ledgers--or, as Yelena herself observes, where they're still suffering as a result of their pasts--Yelena seems like the kind of person who can just move on without angsting about it too much. Not that she's amoral or anything, but she just doesn't seem interested in dwelling, or in blaming herself. She doesn't want to fit in anyone's neat and organized system of trauma classification, and in fact, she doesn't. She's clear-eyed about her situation, maybe almost uncomfortably so. And she's doing great, all things considered!

My thesis statement about Yelena's perspective on her experience is basically set forth in the fic here:

Yelena had been childish clay molded into the vessel of a Black Widow—there is little point in mourning or missing the clay she had been. She is whole and unbroken as she is, even if the shape she’s been molded into is dangerous, even if she’s still kind of hollow now that all the chemical compulsion and orders have been poured out.

...

Yelena’s not trying to put herself back together; she’s just trying to fill herself up.

So the question I asked myself was, well, if the ex-assassin and non-con experimentation of it all is not where her trauma is, if that's not what she's still struggling with, what is? And I thought, what we do see her canonically concerned with is her family, and her fellow Widows, so I tackled her trauma from that angle. I did in fact want to show the different ways people carry the pain they've been dealt, and how sometimes that's not going to be in ways you might expect. Like, Yelena is not wracked with guilt over the people she killed, she's not dwelling on the horrors of being made into a Black Widow; none of that is how her trauma is bubbling up or continuing to impact her. The worst of the grief and pain she carries is about her fellow Black Widows, and her perceived failure to save them.

Idk, I guess it all just boils down to me wanting to try a different perspective on this kind of trauma and grief! I wanted it to be true that Yelena is doing really well, that she's genuinely quite happy now that she has a new family she's built and work she's proud of that she can do freely, but that she's also still pretty damn fucked up. With the support group, I wanted to show all these different kinds of ways these characters are dealing with similar back stories, how none of them are right, per se, but that they can all find some more peace and healing by being in community with each other.

One other thing about the fic is that I briefly considered ending it with her finding her fellow Widows--for what it's worth, my authorial intent is that she will in fact eventually find them--but in the end I thought the more important thing was that Yelena hadn't given up hope that she would find them, and that she could now accept help to find them.

[deancasforcutie]

hi, I’ve just seen your posts about references to queer cinema in spn and I would absolutely DIE to hear you talk more about that- and also maybe explain some of the ones in the posts bc there’s a few I couldn’t catch. hope ur doing well! toodles

(In reference to these two posts)

First of all, thanks for the interest; I feel like I owe a lot of influence to prominent meta writers who've discussed this over the years, which I've reblogged in the #dean is bi and #spn is queer tags, so I feel honored to be asked about this.

It just so happens I'm about to do a full series rewatch and hopefully come out with a long (much more coherent) meta series later this year. The basic thesis: Supernatural's queer narrative emerged both organically as a result of the early seasons' genre influences and deliberately on the part of writers constantly commenting on/transforming the series' foundations. The early seasons started as a critique of toxic masculinity, the nuclear family, and the American Dream, which invariably involves a critique of heteronormativity, but due to their tragic structure never fully proposed solutions to these problems; later seasons, through the writers' good-faith groundwork designed to circumvent and comment on their own external constraints, specifically situated the solutions in queer love and found family.

I'll argue that much of the queer coding and subtext of Kripke era was not so much "accidental" as a result of the series' genre heritage. Being influenced by the Gothic, a genre all about unveiling counternarratives to master-narratives like the American Dream, queerness emerges in the text implicitly as something outside of that paradigm; look at episodes like 4.05 Monster Movie and 4.14 Sex and Violence for some examples of old-school cinematic queer coding. Then you have Dean as a bisexual character, which essentially started with his inspiration from On the Road's Dean Moriarty (likely also James Dean and other figures that reveal the disillusioned American "bad boy" archetype was always more queer than initially advertised). Later seasons, in actively, deliberately queering this text, both transformed it and revealed/made explicit what was already there. And -as exercises in audiovisual audacity like 15.07 Last Call and 15.10 The Heroes' Journey attest- they consciously leaned into well-codified queer cinematic conventions to reveal (and subvert!) how they were made to literally tapdance around it. What results is a critique of heteronormativity that requires the audience to jump through hoops to maintain it as a critical lens, scathingly lampoons their choice to do so, and situates queerness as "what about all this is real" - "[happiness is] in just being", and in queer ways of seeing/reading.

I really enjoy it, in case that's not clear.

Not sure which examples in my posts to highlight, so here are some links to further reading:

Pink Flamingos: x, x, x

Porky's II: x, x

Thelma and Louise: x, x

Rebel Without a Cause: x, x

My Own Private Idaho: x

Ben-Hur: x

Rent: x, x

Reservoir Dogs: x

Brokeback Mountain: x, x, x

Lost Boys: x

Project Runway: x, x

Sesame Street: x, x

On the Road: x, x

Will & Grace: x

Halt & Catch Fire: x

Freddie Mercury: x, x, x

Orange is the New Black: x

The Sandman: x

Hellblazer: x

"Let's Misbehave": x, x, x, x

Thanks again for the ask! I hope this answers your question; I look forward to exploring this in much more depth in the future.

[6okuto]

🍙 for @satorisoup from my fruits basket :3

Long Post. but i (Rlly) summarized the questions for viewing ease 🫡

1) life & school

i Am nervous about school hbdfhbg i’m a sociology major!! ^^ love soc but i switched to honours so i have to keep my gpa up, and most of my classes this year are really reading/writing/presentation heavy.. plus i'm trying a full course load for the first time so doing my thesis next yr will be easier, but i'm already easily stressed and burnt out.. lol.. ;; it's probably fine though

life’s getting busy.. and i’m not sure my cosplay will get here in time for my con but it’s ok tbh! the good outweighs the bad for those things. i wish i had money for the con outside my grants/loans but LOL that's life 

2) celebrating my birthday with keiji :3

tmi maybe. i haven’t had a great birthday since i was 15/16 to be honest FBHBDJ i'm so burnt out and depressed in dec that the past few years i haven’t done anything at all LOL but hearing this,, keiji makes it his mission to give me a good one ^^ ! 

he takes the day off and makes sure the day is just for us! practices making heart shaped pancakes and cooks breakfast.. i walk in on him in the kitchen super focused and accidentally scare him LOL he wanted it to be a surprise but it’s ok!! i watch and talk while i wait

it’s usually cold so i don't go anywhere ;; but we still have fun!! it’s nothing crazy,, we just talk, put on a show while we work on a puzzle or bake… play some co-op games.. order dinner.. yeagh

if it isn’t awful outside, we might make a little snowman or snow angels at the park nearby :]

he gets birthday gifts separate from his christmas ones.. since they're so close my birthday’s kinda overshadowed & i tell people to get one gift or none but keiji refuses!! he writes a long heartfelt letter, commissions art of us & our cat, and buys custom matching necklaces + little crochet accessories + ribbon 🙂‍↕️ (also macarons. i rock w macarons.)

3) favourite aki scene :3

his morning routine changed my life. they didn’t have to do that (not in the manga) but they did… my beautiful domestic soft morning dreams… it’s so Aki… and then i think about how he’d include u in his routine when ur together the way he does with denji and power… ouh..

4) art app + ur new stylus :0

looks down and kicks rocks. krita user over here. not that anything’s wrong with krita. i just feel lame when i see brushes i want because of course they’re never for krita. but it’s cool! how's ur new pen!! bro sometimes krita’s pressure sensitivity doesn’t work on start-up and i didn’t realize i could just restart the window settings . i kept reinstalling it. it’s fine but Wow i was miserable for so long (Months. like a stupid poopoo head)

5) Secret Art Opinions.

olivia wilde nodding gif. smoking duck gif. no one knows what i know no one’s seen what i’ve seen. BEAUTIFUL!! PERF!! i love his smile and jewelry (🤯) and hair and EVERYTHING!! your art style is SOO lovely cutieful lene!! and a 17 layer max seems nonsensical?! HELP.. how big is your canvas.. what app are you using bc isn't there ones made for what u want to try.. I believe in U!! no matter what i’m sure it will turn out awesome!!! he would be so flattered. his lips would wobble and he'd gasp/whine and hug and kiss u like WHAT!! FOR HIM..?..!!! yeah.

6) akaashi and i’s song :00

wanna say i will by mitski but that’s gonna be in every self-ship playlist of mine. maybe home by reese lansangan.. hesitate to say it’s Our Song but it’s a good one!!

My bones are safe / And my heart can rest / Knowing it belongs to you / My world is changed / And it's cradled by / The comfort that is you

7) monster lover post + ones i like

i wish i had good specific hear me out's but i don’t consume a lot of media with them so the ones i can think of are super basic and boring… i’d need a list in front of me so i could smash or pass. (if u have any in mind let me kneow.) but

the teacher from the girl from the other side. Like it’s my fault. doting adoptive self-sacrificial father figure DON’T TALK TO ME. also i must mention tokoyami. + shirou from BNA if he counts

tai lung from kung fu panda just once. the plague doctor (scp-049) obviously

probably some transformers. i like bumblebee 🩷 THE PACIFIC RIM JAEGERS . gipsy danger of course. striker eureka of course. gipsy avenger & november ajax & valor omega (Sorry.). azure defiant omgg PILIPPINS! 🇵🇭🇵🇭

i can usually get behind a “hear me out” if it isn’t like.. super slimey(?) or spikey. they could all hurt me but anything Very sharp/spikey i’m like nooo owwww ouchie nooo..

8) JJK since hell started on earth (+ lenoso!)

I Have been keeping up. unfortunate for my happiness. but Dear God. finding that out two hours after a comm and on FORTNITE is CRAZY? I’m so sorry. I get it. there’s like 3 vids and 6 pics of me crying. …did u at least win the fortnite match. i thank god every day my main thing is HQ because i just watch guys play volleyball. the manga.. a bit exciting.. hoping for an Ok outcome… maybe if gege has love and megan thee stallion in his heart

9) demon slayer opinions (+ genya specifically)

i watched the first season of kny but dropped it after hebfhsbjb nothing against it, just not rlly my cup of tea!! but i know quite a few deaths and the manga ending.. i don’t have a fave demon though.. i liked tanjiro + giyuu + sabito (predictable x3). also fond of rengoku (predictable) and mitsuri/obanai (predictable). Is akaza awesome and beautiful. i don't rlly know genya but i’ve seen him and his brother!! I will like him In Ur honour!!! ur friend reporting u for an edit is crazyehsbfjhb STAY STRONG… GENYA! i’m sure he’s fantastic!!

10) bnha + izuku thoughts!

Who’s calling izuku ugly. ☹️ i get u btw Like it’s my fault i’m always fond of the main characters and want the best for them. i don’t usually read stuff for him bUT i fr see the appeal, and he can be soo super interesting/fun to write and read about!! AND HE’S NOT UGLY!! ☹️ he’s very cutieful handsome. grown up deku… vivid and beautiful in my mind… 

11) favourite food, drink, etc. :3

rice . LOL i don’t think i have a favourite food but i love pinoy chicken dishes! my mom's adobo + caldereta + niligang manok. also been eating chorizo de cebu lately.. yummay..

sweet drinks.. frappes & taro boba… i need to expand my palette but y'know. and my fav soda is crush

i said this but i Love Macarons. you give me a plate of macarons i’m inhaling that shit like kirby. also sapin sapin and cheesecake! a great cake in general is so yummayyy

big hazelnut creme chocolate fan. I Love hazelnut chocolate. started when i was a child with kinder eggs and purdys chocolate hedgehogs and here i am

fav cereal is kellogg's krave. obvious chocolate fan here

SUSHI VIBES IS SO INTERESTING i’m pretty sure i’ve never had a piece. like ever. i do like fish… do u have any fave sushi.. i doubt i’ll be trying any soon but for future reference!!

12) anything and everything else ^_^ (mammon + mlp ment.)

Lene i have stuff to talk about at all times and will overshare every time

YAGH! mammon is the avatar of greed and 2nd eldest brother of 7 in Obey Me: One Master To Rule Them All. i actually didn’t like him at first (I’m sorry.) but he grew on me real bad. it’s serious. he's very tsundere which is Not my type but. something happened. He's a softie.. he cares about you and everyone So Much.. he's very empathetic and emotionally intelligent even if he struggles with being vulnerable.. he can generally control his emotions better /gets angry less than his brothers… he gets teased/mistreated a lot.. he loves money and hates working but he loves U even more So Of Course He’d do/give up Anything 4 U.. he's insecure and has called himself worthless on his own Which Devastated Me So Bad i love this guy so much Let’s All Just. oh man.

i Did like MLP. i stopped watching at some point but i want to go back and watch it all.. predictably obsessed with princess cadance and shining armor. I wanted to be her and I wanted him. Predictably. i cried over BBBFF when i was little btw /pos but hm.. my fav show was gravity falls maybe. so good.

we finally fixed what was wrong with the water in the one bathroom in the house that has a bath tub. exciting because i’ve never taken a bath… want to see what it’s like… perhaps use a bath bomb 🤔..

don’t think i’ve processed we’re going to have another person living with us. wow

been thinking about p5 akira a lot. my stupid beautiful loser sopping wet cat idiot handsome prince guy. Do u think 13 year old me would be surprised i still like him or that my bff likes goro or that i ship akeshu. i have 150 ss's from the p5 vn. and when i say he's written like my version of akaashi keiji.. hah......

might deactivate at some point tbh. saying this because i don't think people will read this far so it's like a little secret convo but i feel like i've overstayed my time / don't rlly fit anywhere bshdjsd i'll click delete account and just Stare for a while. like at some point u think about it so much it's like.. girl stop clinging on and just do it. but i don't want to lose my stuff so it won't happen until i put it all somewhere else. which won't be soon because i'm lazy as shit so. that's life i guess. 🤷🏻‍♀️ def won't until i finish my event.. will see if i can at least make it to my blog anni if not my birthday 🤔 would probably come back at some point anyway. also my users... can't lose 6okuto r u joking...

been rocking with pleasure delayer by between friends & rock-paper-scissors by katzenjammer lately.

broken 3 nails this week and may unfortunately break a 4th. my stupid baka life. might just cut the rest and restart... they were all Even. 1/2 cm long bro.. why does this happen to me...

excited to call and ask about my joke bear plate in a few days. i'm 100% sure i didn't do an even number of coats for everything and it'll look wonky in places, but i think that's part of the appeal. the nia 6okuto joke bear brand

thank u for joining and asking lene!! 🙆🏻‍♀️🩷🩷 i like 2 talk so do not worry. would u like some q's back.. a similar amount.. less.. more.. let me kneow. meow

[purgemarchlockdown]

I should be fixing up my responsibilities but no I'm monster theory posting, specifically about Thesis IV: The Monster Dwells at the Gates of Difference

So in that part of the book (I unfortunately don't have the full copy...sad day for monsterlovers <- me) it discusses about how monsters embody the Other. The reveal that the system we all consider an essential part of reality is actually arbitrary. That it isn't a inherent norm but something that we (society) dictated as the norm. The monster exists outside of that and thus threatens it by revealing the fragility of it.

Now, I put a picture of Muu because, by threatening the seemingly binary ideas of both savior/victim and queen/servant by being able to be both. She threatens the concept that there is something Inherent to people that makes them one or the other. That someone could actually be both or neither or whatever else.

But this applies to basically all the cast as well!

Amane, because I am predictable, threatens a lot of ideas for both savior/victim and also ideas about adults and children. Her main argument in T1 is that she is like an adult in the ways that matter, that her thoughts and feelings and emotions matter in the way an adult's does.

(Apostle And Death)

Amane: I see. Then, are the things that I as a twelve-year-old think irrelevant? Are you going to cast aside the feelings that I know I have in this very moment, purely based on the fact that I have not yet lived for a very long time? Judging these things based on someone’s age will not take you very far. Do I, at age twelve, not have my own will? Does Muu-san, at age 16, have more of a free will than I do? Does Yuno-san, at age 18, have more of a free will? Does Fuuta-san, at age 20, have an entirely free will?

Amane, by saying this, is threatening the very concept that, since she is a child she has no sense of agency or free will. That her feelings do actually matter and are not something that to be discarded because she is too young.

That, in her own words:

T1Q6: What is the difference between an adult and a child? A: There is no borderline there. I think there are grown-up children and childish grown-ups.

That's a threat since Amane's abuse is partially held up by the idea that, since she is a child and misguided and her emotions are less "meaningful" she needs to be properly taught.

If we acknowledge that Amane's emotions have merit then we also have to acknowledge that what they do to her (and we, the Audience did to her in T1) was...to use the lightest word possible, unfair.

Now there's 10 more things I could talk about here in how Amane highlights the difference (or lack of difference) and how that makes her a threat (she actively points out how similar our society and her cult can be one for one) but I Cannot make this all about Amane, so continuing on.

Since Milgram writes these characters like....characters, and thus people, and highlight how similar they are to each other and how they relate to the cast and how We, the Audience aren't that different from them and the people they hurt them either it also presents a threat to the audience's comfort...which brings this back to Amane oh dear-

I'd also bring up Yuno, since Yuno gets angry with us for creating an acceptable version of her that keeps the audience comfortable, and Fuuta also brings up how the Audience isn't all that different from him and Kotoko, but Amane's Situation is my favorite example since we Emulate her abuse. We continue it. There's not much separating us and her mother to her.

It's a threat to the Audience's sense of morals and integrity. That No, there is Nothing actually separating us from being "bad people" or "good people" or "murderers" or whatever other term you want to use. That we are all people, and thus capable of the same Person flaws and mistakes.

That idea is a threat because we have to Assert that NO we wouldn't do something like that because we are good moral people who Wouldn't do Something That Horrible.

Because if there is really No Difference between Us and Them then...what does that mean?

[stupidpersonhere]

ok, so for starters my musical education just goes so far as playing simple songs on the violin which I can't tune without a professional ear nearby, my even meager knowledge of classic Greek mythology only extends to the basics of the basics and my writing reads like a middle schooler who has yet learned how to properly write a thesis in an essay. But what do I have is a lifetime of listening exclusively to Japanese OST and watching RPG game plays, so with that in mind I can confidently say my favorite song of the entire Epic musical is Just a Man.

I looked for the musical for that song alone - I devoured posts and what I could understand of Greek mythology for just a song that lasts 148 seconds. Never mind the song is about the protagonist throwing a heavily implied newborn from a wall as his widowed mother watches as she is being taken as a slave to a foreign land, far away from her beloved husband's resting place.

For the first 78 seconds of the song it's a sweet ballad. Odysseus sings about how he loves dearly his wife and son he left in Ithaca, lulling Astyanax as he reminds of Telemachus.

A couple of seconds of silence. Not much. Odysseus sings the chorus as the instrumental picks up.

But when does the comet become a meteor)

when does a candle become a blaze?

When does a man become a monster?

When does a ripple become a tidal wave?

When does the reason become the blame?

When does a man become a monster?

Forgetting for a second our main character had just told us he plans to throw an infant from a wall that reminds of his own infant son Telemachus (I'll come back to that later, don't fret yet!). Pay attention to the instrumental.

A beat of music. Silence. A beat of music. As the lines progress Mr. Jalapeño adds more instruments and the silences get shorter and shorter.

Now here it's where my background as a geek nerd of the 2000's shine. As I said, I don't know much about musical theory so forgive for any musician reading this post. The instrumental builds up momentum very similar as how you build momentum for a battle, exploding once the battle is in full swing and you desperately try to save your character from the boss.

...but if you pay attention, it sounds hesitating - as if the music has not made its mind yet whether it wants to go back to being a ballad/lullaby.

But the Odyssey is one of the pillars of our literature - one of the pinnacles of what countless societies have founded their empires on for thousands of years; the conclusion has been foretold countless times before. Astyanax dies.

Now that it's compelling in its own right. But here are the things that blew my mind.

First, as the instrumental hesitates becoming a battle theme it re-introduces melodies and motifs from the ballad part (don't ask me to identify it, it's just vibes as my musical education is pretty mediocre in any standard you measure it with). You can take this on its own as how even the most innocent parts of ourselves get tainted by war and hatred, how it does not care for neither sinners nor innocents - we are hearing a murderer singing about his reasoning in killing an infant, an innocent in whatever way you define it.

Then as soon as Odysseus finishes singing the chorus, a choire sings it again in the background as Odysseus sings Forgive me over and over again through the high of the instrumental. Epic is a musical sang mostly in Odysseus POV, he tells the truth and paints the scenarios he encourts through the entire album. With that in mind - wouldn't the hesitation from before as he sang the chorus come from him? He sings his thoughts as his resolve hardens and he makes the choice of killing Astyanax.

The choire and instrumental are his resolve, willing to harden his heart and commit the crime - so the instrumental becomes a battle theme as this is mostly HIS story.

But he knows this is wrong, that there is no forgiveness to be found after he commits the crime, so instead of exploding at the end the instrumental solemnly calms as Odysseus sings I'm just a man.

Odysseus slays his enemy but he was no monster to slay - the monster was him all along, willing to do anything in order to return to his own home.

As you can see, I started reading Achilles in Vietnam: Combat Trauma and the Undoing of Character in my research.

Anyhow, donate esims: https://gazaesims.com/

[elevatorelevenhatesyou]

Destiny 2′s Gambit Mode Exists To Bully Destiny 2 Players

I want to play Darktide, but it's not out yet. Instead I play Destiny 2, which is really quite sad. Been writing a post analyzing and complaining about a bunch of shit in Destiny 2, the thesis of which is that it has no idea what it's doing and hates its players with a passion, but this little side segment about how much I hate Gambit kinda ballooned into a long enough post of its own.

So, I fuckin hate Gambit mode. I hate PvP in all its forms of course. Crucible is bad with its usual brand garbage for PvP Assholes, but Gambit,

Man, Gambit is something else.

Gambit is the most hateful game mode I've ever seen. As if it weren't bad enough that playing it necessitates interacting with the most annoying cunt in the game.

(howling dickhole noises)

It's like they got some evil scientists together to craft an experience that would generate the most rage out of people who don't like PvP. It's advertised as "Competitive PvE" but this is a blatant lie; Gambit isn’t that at all. 

Gambit is a Fun Ruining Simulator.

I'm just gonna steal screenshots from the internet, because, I really don't want to go play this garbage again.

Here's the basic run down of how Gambit works for the uninitiated: There are two teams, each with four players, in two identical arenas. Regular enemies spawn in, and players kill them. These enemies drop little glowy tokens called Motes, which players must collect and deposit in a big glowy machine thingy called the Bank. 

Depositing enough motes at one time sends a big tough enemy called a Blocker to the opposing team, and they can't deposit motes until the Blocker is killed.

At certain intervals, a portal opens up and one person can Invade the opposing team's area, and if you kill a player they drop all their motes. Invading is something of a trade off: if you invade, you can sabotage the enemy, but you stop banking tokens yourself, and if you just get killed right away you don't hinder the enemy but you still miss out on the tokens you could have been getting.

So far, okay.

Once enough tokens are banked, mote dropping enemies stop spawning, and instead a giant monster shows up, called the Primeval. Killing your team's Primeval wins the game. Invading is still part of this phase; but now if you kill someone while invading, the enemy team's Primeval gets some of its health back.

So on paper this all sounds basically fine. Competitive PvE, right? It's the number balance that turns it all into shit.

Everything is ABSURDLY stacked in the invader's favor. The amount the Primeval gets healed by when an invader scores a kill is like a quarter of its entire health bar. Yeah. Getting two or three kills during an invasion will pump that sucker back to full health. Strategy guides aren't shy about telling you that Invading is the most important part of the whole game mode by far. One good invasion can turn an entire game around.

Compound this with power weapons like rocket launchers and heavy machine guns, and super abilities, and the fact that, for some fucking reason, the Invader can SEE WHERE ALL THE OPPOSING TEAM'S PLAYERS ARE, AT ALL TIMES, getting multiple kills as the invader is VERY easy.

The damage you deal to the Primeval is TINY. It increases over time when you kill these other guys who periodically show up to shield the Primeval, and it goes up by A LOT. Once you've killed like six of them the Primeval goes down like a bitch. In other words, fighting the boss doesn't really matter. It doesn't matter how well you can take the monster down, because after a little while it becomes incredibly easy. The only thing that matters is invading so you can kill the enemies and undo all their progress. No role matters compared to The Invader. Invading is everything. Everything else exists only for there to be something to Invade. There's no thought to it, no point to it, it's not fun or interesting or unique in any way except that some fucking cocksucker might barge in and ruin everything, and there's basically nothing you can do about it, because they see you and you don't see them, and it only takes a few shots from a machine gun or a rocket or a grenade launcher or a super to kill you. Often, only one shot.

It's not Competitive PvE, because the PvE doesn't matter. It's just more PvP, because the PvP is the only part that matters. It just has to lie so it can entice PvE players into trying it. The entire game mode exists to create a little playground for PvE players to play in so that a PvP Asshole can have fun stomping on all their sand castles. 

Mreh mreh but what about blockers? What ABOUT blockers!? These little piss weak NOTHINGs? These things I casually run over on my way to turn in my tokens? They are barely a speed bump, who cares.

Mreh mreh if you hate invaders beating you why don't you get good at invading? Because I don't fucking WANT to be the invader! I WANT to fight monsters! I WANT to do PvE stuff because I don't get any fun out of PvP! That's why Gambit sucks so much; it seems to have been designed literally to piss off people like me, and reward people I hate! Mreh mreh if you hate gambit so much then just don't play it OH IF ONLY A WHOLE BUNCH OF SHIT DIDN'T FUCKING REQUIRE ME TO.

I don’t even want your shitty revolver anymore. This is the part that would have segued back into the main point that Destiny fucking hates you. We'll get to that in the other post.

[saby-chan]

Why the ATLA comics fail when it comes to Zuko and his family

To whom ever took their time to actually stop and read this post, thank you in advance for not skipping my post and willing to stay and read my humble opinion! I hope I won’t disappoint you!

As a relatively newcomer to the ATLA fanbase since 2020, I’ve come across a lot of interesting debates, comments and rants about the show, characters and fandom in general, but nothing has captivated me as much as the dumpster-on-fire that are the ATLA comics, more specifically: The Promise and The Search. 

On one hand we have the hardcore fans who want them to be animated or serialized into the Netflix live action, praising the comics for the new views and subject matters they’ve brought into the show’s lore, while on the other hand we have the furious Azula fandom who is really angry for the fact that best girl didn’t get the redemption arc she rightfully deserved so much after the painful event that was the Last Agni Kai and the even more angry fans of the Urzai ship (yeah, the people who actually ship Zuko’s parents unironically) who hated the retconning of the show’s cannon since the comics basically took a huge fat dump on what was previously established as official cannon, when the Search entered the scene, but between these two sides, who has the more valid point? In the end, are the comics good cannon or bad written fanfiction?

Well... Here are my two cents on this matter since I myself happen to be an Azula and Zuko fan and had huge expectations from these comics (since I wanted more from my fave hot-headed fiery siblings duo) but ended up disappointed: the comics are indeed a huge mess and actually bad written fanfiction when it comes to Zuko and his family! Don’t click off yet, because I actually documented the reasons why exactly the comics fail in this area:

1. The author of these comics is not part of the BryKe duo

Yes, I would like to start with the fact that if you actually take a second to look up who in the heck took the time to write these two books, you won’t find Bryan, nor Mike, but a fellow man named Gene Yang. This is important because while the wiki of both The Promise and The Search state BryKe as the creators, that doesn’t mean that they were the actual minds behind these comics, but rather because ATLA is their “baby” and these comics involve their characters, over which they have copyright. Mr. Yang here is the actual brain behind the plot, as the main writer, which explains why we find huuuuge inconsistencies between the show lore and the comics, especially Zuko wise.

My main issue with Mr. Yang isn’t that he isn’t BryKe specifically, but because he did an unforgivable mistake in his writing process: He projected himself into Zuko’s character, based on the relationship Zuko had with his father. This is a documented fact from an interview in which he explains that he sees himself and his dad’s relationship into Zuko and Ozai and used that when writing their interactions and built Zuko’s character in the comics. And this is wrong because when you have an already very developed and complex character such as Zuko, you can’t just come in and be like “Oh, I was an angsty teen just like him in my teenage years, fighting with my dad and whatnot, so he must have the same thought process as me!”. NO! This is bad fanfiction writer behavior! Zuko has his own personality and philosophy, which he developed over the course of 3 seasons and is not defined by only 1 unfortunate aspect of his past, so you can’t just base his whole mindset and actions off of your own personal experience just because you had the same daddy issues he had!

2. The whole “Promise that you will kill me if I turn out like my dad!” nonsense in The Promise

Reason number 2 why these comics fail and go under the category of “bad fanfiction” is because they fail to convey the core essence of the source material. The whole point of Zuko’s redemption was that he realized the wrongdoings of his ancestors and his own mistakes. He outgrew his desire of gaining his father’s acknowledgement in favor of choosing his own destiny. Having him worry that he’ll turn into his father is utter nonsense and feels like poor angsty drama material for the sake of angst. At this point in time, Zuko has overcame that obstacle in his life a long time ago and should be at the level where he himself is the “Uncle Iroh” for other people and in no way someone concerned of becoming their own worst enemy!

Not only that, but the whole point of Aang’s journey and the story of the show as a whole was to teach us, the viewers, the importance of forgiveness, empathy and love in life. Aang didn’t spare Ozai, aka “the ultimate evil” just to flex in front of his pals or because he is a “ 12 y/o vegan pacifist monk kid”, but because he knew that killing someone, no matter of what they did or wanted to do, wouldn’t restore balance into the Universe, on the contrary, him killing the villain would have meant perpetuating the “endless cycle of hate” that plagued the world. So having Aang promise to kill his best friend in case “they turned into an evil maniac like their dad” contradicts Aang’s whole character and it’s a nonsense that throws into the trash what we’ve learnt throughout the entire TV series.

3. Azula deserved (and was supposed) to have a redemption ark

This might still be pure speculation, but I count it as a documented reason because I’ve heard quite a few people saying that there should’ve been a book 4 in the show, aka “Book 4: Air”, and no, it wasn’t The Search, but actually Zuko and Azula’s journey as Zuko helps his younger sister heal her broken mind by being her very own “Uncle Iroh”. Sure, they prolly were going to end up looking for Ursa, but the journey should’ve ended with them actually being happy and a family again and not the bs we got in The Search where a still very unstable Azula runs away and becomes the “Next Joker”! The only problem is that M. Night had to pop up and curse the world with his movie, which forced BryKe to delay the project (and eventually abandoned it in favor of Korra).

All in all, either if BryKe had this preplanned or not, it made sense for Azula to get a redemption ark, she deserved it because she was just a broken 14 y/o child! If Katara’s mom’s murderer deserved to be forgiven, so did this poor child who had no fault for what happened to her since she had a dysfunctional family! What Gene Yang did in his poorly written fanfiction was to just antagonize a broken child, turning her into a monster for the sake of friggin angst!

4. The Search is the worst of the two, being flat af character wise

And finally, getting to the point that I personally find the most annoying about these comics: The Search. This one... This one is a mess on a hella lot many levels, and just to list a few: characters are flat as fudge, being either black as vanta black (like Ozai and Azula) or pure white like Gene’s Gary Stue OC, Mr Ikem (or how I like to call him, IKEA man) and his ‘victim’ rendition of Ursa, Azula gets to suffer more for no reason (see reason number 3 to why I find this as a no no), Ursa’s whole character sucks ass (man, I could write a whole thesis on why Yang’s version of her is terrible and doesn’t match the strong woman we got in the show) and Zuko does morally wrong stuff (my man literally used his unstable sister to bribe their dad into spitting info about Ursa... Show Zuko would never do that!;-;)

Oh boy, as a person who’s seen a ton of anime and other media and read many books, I can’t begin on how much I despise this type of writing: flat characters are the worst!

 ATLA characters in the show are nothing close to being flat! What I mean by that is that none of them fall perfectly into pure white (aka goodest of good characters with no imperfections) or vanta black (aka lowest and darkest twisted monsters out there), each of them are various shades of grey (like Aang who is a very light grey because despite being a very kind and nice character, he still isn’t a “perfect hero” since he ran away from his duties, practiced tax fraud with Toph, had insecurities and even threatened to kill people on ocassions like with the sand benders who took Appa) and this is a good choice because that prevents them from becoming what’s globally known as Mary Sues and Gary Stues (aka those either “perfect” characters with no flaws and/or unlimited power, or the twisted monsters full of flaws).

And the other reason why many other people hate The Search: it literally negates previously established cannon. And here comes my short essay on why this comic fails Zuko’s family (since we’ve already talked enough about Zuko himself).

In cannon and even interviews with BryKe, it was clearly stated that Zuko’s family was “once happy”. Where is this “once happy” family in The Search? All I see is pain, deception, lies and betrayal, nothing close to anything that resembles happiness. Okay, some of you might come in and say that “It’s because it was never the case! It was only lies and Zuko trying to convince himself that he didn’t live in hell forever!” and here is WHERE YOU WERE ALL WRONG! And why? Because, my dear fella, where were depicted the flashbacks of Zuko’s “happy family” in The Beach? Ember Island. And what do we know and had been even quoted in the show?  "Like waves washing away the footprints on the sand, Ember Island gives everyone a clean slate. Ember Island reveals the true you." (direct quote from the show). Exactly, no matter who you are or how hard you try, you can’t hide your true self when you are on the Ember Island, best example being Azula, who’s impenetrable though shell cracked and revealed the true vulnerable child that was underneath. If Azula couldn’t resist the “spell of the island”, no one can. So this means that Zuko’s family was indeed happy once and yes, Ozai wasn’t always the douchebag we got to know in Season 3 (I have a whole nother essay on my theories regarding what could be his real past story and why he’s actually the “Zuko” of his generation, based on stuff I gathered from old wiki entries and character analyses I made, but that’s for another time, lemme know if ya’ll are interested).

And what I guess is the biggest proof why The Search did this family’s past trash is comics Ursa herself. My dude, if this woman were indeed the victim of years of endless abuse and never loved her husband, I guarantee you that she would’ve been closer to what we saw in Todoroki’s mom from BNHA and Zuko would’ve gotten that scar or even worse long before the Agni Kai, not from his “daddy dearest”, but from “mommy dearest” herself, because no sane woman would be soo affectionate and attached to a child that’s the perfect copy of their abuser, sepecially appearance wise (again see Todoroki’s mom’s case from BNHA because the stories are really similar) and in no way would’ve she been willing to sacrifice her life for said child’s sake. With this ocassion, I remind ya’ll folks that according to the ancient ATLA cannon wikis on Nick’s site, Ozai was designed with Zuko’s appearance in mind, being meant to be like a “grown up scarless version” of Zuko. So yeah, remember this with a grain of salt that whenever you simp over grown up Zuko, you involuntary simp for Ozai too.

So yeah, I guess this kinda concludes my “not so short” rant about why the comics fail and are bad fanfiction. Lemme hear your thoughts in the comments and if you agree, feel free to leave a like and even reblog.

Bye bye and remember that Momo is the true strongest character of the show!

 Saby out.

[demi-shoggoth]

2021 Reading Log pt 28

It’s been a while since I posted one of these. The school year has started again, and I am teaching full time, in person, with full classes. As case numbers of COVID-19 keep rising, and our district basically pretends nothing is wrong. It’s very stressful, and I am exhausted by the end of the day. So my reading time has been pretty strongly curtailed.

135a. Sons of Cain by Peter Vronsky. I got farther into this book (about 80 of 330 pages) than I typically do with books I decide to abandon. The book starts strong, with an account of how the author accidentally, unknowingly, crossed paths with a serial killer escaping a crime scene. But as it tries to explain why serial killers exist and give an overview of their history, it becomes apparent that the author doesn’t know what he’s talking about with regards to evolution or paleoanthropology and comes at a very minority opinion with regards to neuroscience and behavior. His hypothesis is, basically, that all humans were serial killers until around 40,000 years ago, and that being hyper-aggressive and sexually violent is an evolutionary atavism. Hence the title: all humans are “sons of Cain”. He also discounts the humanity of Neanderthals, believes that all interbreeding between humans and Neanderthals is the product of rape, and has nice things to say about the writings of (previously mentioned child molesting psychologist) John Money. By the time the author claimed that rape, child abuse and incest were so universally common in pre-modern society as to be unremarkable, I gave up in disgust. I know that “oh, this person who’s writing about true crime is really a sick fetishist” is a clichéd criticism of the genre and one that has been applied far too widely… but this book gave me really icky vibes, and I do not want to have anything more to do with it or this author.

136. Hallucinations by Oliver Sacks. Now here’s an author who writes about the brain and knows what he’s talking about. I think part of the reason I dislike the “science book as memoir” one often finds is that Sacks did them so effortlessly well that other authors often seem clumsy or lackluster in comparison.  This is one of Sacks’ last books, on the topic of a wide variety of hallucinations. Sacks discusses the history of psychology, medicine and literature with the various subcategories he discusses, along with patient histories and his own personal experiences. One chapter I found especially surprising was “Altered States”, dead set in the middle of the book, where Sacks talks about his drug abuse in the 1960s. I had no idea that beloved science communicator Oliver Sacks had given himself the DTs from chloral hydrate withdrawal, or that he decided to become a writer after an amphetamine binge.

137. Women and Other Monsters by Jess Zimmerman. This book made me cry. Twice. I wasn’t in the best mental state when I started, and the author’s incisive personal essays hit home in a lot of ways. We have suffered similarly in some ways. The book looks to reinterpret Greek mythology in a feminist light, Zimmerman does not look to rewrite the myths (like some people online with their revisionist, girlboss Medusa being protected by Athena, for example), instead using the qualities of its many female monsters (Medusa, Scylla and Charybdis, the Sphinx, Sirens and Furies) as positive attributes in a misogynist society. It’s okay to want things, to be angry, to know more than men do. The book is very powerful, and I’m glad I read it, but I’m also glad I took it slow and waited a few days between my initial read and finishing it.

138. Delicious by Rob Dunn and Monica Sanchez. This book is a family affair, written by a husband and wife team. Its thesis is that a) animals, especially primates, go to great lengths to find foods that are tasty; b) that incorporating more delicious foods was the caloric boost that early hominids needed to evolve the large brains/small jaws combo that lead to modern humans; and c) the human search for novelty and flavor spurred cultural and technological innovations throughout our history. The book sits right on the razor’s edge of science and speculation; there is data included throughout, but a lot of bold claims are made with relatively little evidence (food does not fossilize well, after all). The authors are at least open about the speculative nature, which I do appreciate, and their writing style is genial and readable.

139. Death’s Summer Coat by Brandy Schillace. I found this book because I had read the author’s most recent book, Mr. Humble and Doctor Butcher, earlier this year. In Death’s Summer Coat, Schillace argues that the modern Western approach to death is stunted because we try to deny that death exists up until the last minute, and that we should discuss and plan for our deaths while still healthy in order to make the transition more bearable. Hence the “summer coat” analogy. That’s all well and good, but the book spends a lot of time introducing and summarizing, multiple times per chapter, as if either reticent to actually make the argument or just padding the page count. It’s not a bad book, but there are better books out there about death and cultural responses to it.

140. A Fatal Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum by Emma Southon. This book is about murder in ancient Rome. Or more accurately, how “murder” as we understand it wasn’t really a concept, but people killing people was rife. Roman law was mostly property law as opposed to criminal law for citizens, and non-citizens were basically considered non-persons, so killing them was unremarkable. The book covers various cases that we actually have recorded in various ways, revealing the deep differences in how their society worked compared to modern Western society (the author is from the UK, and has some amusing things to say about the differences between British and American society as well). The book is very snarky, full of humorous asides and jokes, so if you don’t like your history with a touch of comedy, this probably isn’t for you. But I like that, and I found this book immensely enjoyable.

[welcometomy20s]

January 10th, 2021

Action Button Review

Review

Tim Rogers reminds me of Hank Green. They are about the same age, they look about the same age which is a combination of young and old that feel eternal. They also have the same length of experience in writing in online spaces, interest in Japanese media, and apparently have Crohn’s disease? In summary, he might be the closest equivalent to Dave Green that exists in the real world. Well, I guess Dave Green is not apt, as Dave Green is not special in a way, while Tim Rogers is special, but his speciality comes from his failures rather than his counterparts' success.

Tim Rogers is a hypothetical Green brother who did not decide to publish that book. He’s a hypothetical Green brother who went to Japan instead of Alabama or Florida. Whose project crashed and burned rather than a surprise success. He’s forged in fire while the Green brothers are eroded by water. Both are wonderful people, but with a different ground of intensity and differing wealth of wisdom.

I encountered this series because I found a twitter post about a six hour review of Tokimeki Memorial, and a white middle-aged man talking about a dating sim for six hours with laudatory blurbs would always pique my interest, but since I didn’t know the guy, I went ahead and looked if he made other videos, and found he has four other review that were all about three hours or more. Now I knew that I had to watch all the reviews to prepare myself for this six hour review of Tokimeki Memorial.

Now, I wasn’t a stranger to three hour reviews of video games. I watched Joseph Anderson, Raycevick, Whitelight, matthewmatosis, and Noah Gervais-Caldwell. In fact, in the comments below Action Button Reviews, many people talked about a comparison to Noah Gervais-Caldwell (and Brian David Gilbert) and that was quite funny since I actually watched a recent Noah Gervais-Caldwell video.

His first two reviews were perfunctory, him opening himself up and trying out new things and polishing his review style, as he went through the Final Fantasy VII remake and The Last of Us. While I watched The Last of Us, I distinctly remembered and contrasted Noah’s The Last of Us Part 2 review with Tim Roger’s The Last of Us review. I liked Tim Roger’s defense of interactive movies (although he denies it!) contrasted with more cynical but ultimately positive connotation in Noah’s review. And Noah’s thesis pairs nicely with Tim’s observation that Ellie was the main protagonist all along. That fact makes Part 2 much more understandable, even the bad parts.

When I finished watch his first two reviews, I went ahead and also watched several of Tim’s videos on Kotaku, which were slightly shorter, the longest being just over an hour, which is a review of the best games in 1994, and does contain a short segment about Tokimeki Memorial, which his six hour review was my destination. To put in context, Tokimeki Memorial was #3. #1 was Earthbound, #2 was Final Fantasy VI, and #4 was Super Metroid. And I just watched a playthrough of Super Metroid basically on a whim, because it’s a monumental and a great game to play and watch.

And while the segment of the games that I knew to be great and monumental in my absorption of knowing video games was deeply personal and rightly claimed its stake that it deserved its spot, his segment of Tokimeki Memorial never got there. It was almost as if he was deliberately hiding behind something. In the end of 1994 review, Tim pitched an idea about a three hour Earthbound review, which probably was Tim’s idea of floating a departure from Kotaku, which would happen two months later, and I wonder if he was trying to deliberately throw a curveball by making a video of Tokimeki Memorial instead of the promised Earthbound review. This may be a far leap, I admit.

I went back and watched the video about Doom. It was much better in quality and in darkness. I was reminded of Film Crit Hulk’s writing of The World’s End and James Bond, another very long essay that was deeply personal and chapter for easier consumption. Few commenters noticed that Tim Rogers was just doing a dramatic reading of his written reviews on Kotaku and Action Button dot net, and how they liked that approach, and I found myself liking that approach as well. You might believe a video review needs more than just reading an essay out loud, but just the act of reading an essay out loud in the correct intonation and inflection adds ton to experience. And Tim Rogers sounds like he has decades worth of experience to present a dramatic reading of his essay very effectively, much like Hank Green.

I continued scaling the mountain to my goal. I went through his review of Pac-Man and was delighted by his reading of Namco games, and was impressed by the opening sequence, and just generally enjoyed it. I was getting excited to set a day aside and let the six hour review of Tokimeki Memorial watch over me and reduce me to dust.

And it sure did. That six hours was a harrowing experience. What Tim Rogers is best at is telling a story, and so to go through a let’s play was a wish I never made, fulfilled. In the end, I was left with nothing and everything. It was like finishing a really good book.

I wanted to watch it again, then again I never wanted to watch it again. It was almost a traumatic experience. Tim talked about there being endless variation of love, and the love Tim Rogers went through was not the fluffy yet melancholic one that I craved, but one akin to a devotion of an eldritch god. Love made in justification for one’s efforts in attending and maintaining a relationship. A love stronger than most kinds of love, but most draining and taxing as well. Tim Roger’s synopsis of Tennis Monster reminded me of Asking for It by Louise O’Neill, which is also about empathizing a quite hateable character because we kind of have to. Apparently one person knows the full plot because Tim Rogers rambled on about it as he was couch surfing in his house, and unbelieve as it usually is, I fully trust that the commenter is telling the truth.

I was like a heroin addict, who really wanted a different hit, like talking to friends or hiking, my mother wanted me to go hiking with her, and I didn’t because, after the pandemic started, all I wanted to be was inside. Outside felt diseased. The air outside felt contaminated to me, hard to breathe. I was stuck in this place.

Tim Rogers is an exceptional figure. He seems to be a movie protagonist, he reminds me of The Librarian, played by Noah Wyle. Tim has eidetic memory, as he has access every single autobiographical memory formed, but not other types of memory. We know that those types of memory are different because of people like Tim and people who are opposite of Tim, someone who has no memories of autobiographical memory but otherwise fine. These people tend to have very few emotions and have a hard time deciding things. Lack of emotions is correlated with difficulty in decision making.

So Tim is the opposite of that, Tim is full of emotions, complex emotions and he can make decisions and carry it out in a snap. He would be good at school, and he was, but he would be too focused on his grandeur to be under some authority, which is how he became who he was. His anti-authoritarian nature rings throughout his reviews, highlight the general Generation X vibe that Tim exudes but also the modern socialistic movement of Generation Z, which adds to this odd mix of old and new.

Not only does Tim have eidetic memory and intense work ethic that he never seems to move away from, therefore making a three hour video masterpiece at a clip that seems unbelievable for a seasoned viewer, he also has exceptional skills in fast math and language, he seems to be at least familiar with dozens of languages, and of course Tim’s experience is bounded by his decade of living in Japan.

I think this is why Tim naturally gravitates towards video games. When Tim says ‘welcome to video games’ there’s a natural supposition that Tim Rogers is the protagonist of video games, and I think he is. Tim wants to be in video games, because he needs to be in video games, instead of some almighty god cruelly deciding to plop him into a real life. He should be an video game adaptation of The Librarian and go on world-spanning adventure and romance impossibly beautiful girls instead of toiling the grime of what real life portends to. His life is dramatic, but impossibly mundane as well. It’s a simulacrum of a movie or a video game, which is pretty cool on its own.

But of course Tim Rogers isn’t the only part of Action Button Reviews. In the ensuing five videos, Tim Rogers tries to do something. Video games are a wide net. There is so much to video games, something like Gone Home and Geometry Dash are included alongside Wolfenstein The New Colossus and Farmville. What makes a video game? Actually, the more interesting question is, why do we have the term ‘video games’? Why do we put all of this mess into a single category, as if there is some throughline.

Tim Rogers starts to do that. Tim Rogers boldly states that things like Doom and Tokimeki Memorial are intimately connected to each other. And that all video games are in conversation with each other, through deep and complex meta-narratives. Tim Rogers is a cartographer, trying to map out how video games are made whole.

I’ve always strived to be that kind of a cartographer, to showcase the weave of reality, of connecting two seemingly unconnected parts, and showing to a profound implication both existing, instead of one or the other. If you don’t know, I have been trying to write something out of my current obsession with Virtual YouTubers, and mostly Hololive, and while I think I stumbled upon the six hour video review of Tokimeki Memorial outside of my interest in virtual YouTubers, this video, as I expected in the back of my head, gave me plenty of thoughts about Hololive. Its rumination of cyberpunk and idol culture is so directly connected with the peculiarities of Hololive that I was quite astounded.

From the very beginning, I wonder how Tim Rogers thinks about Hololive, especially after he has done that six hour review. I’m sure he will have a lot of interesting thoughts about the prospect. I want to get in contact with him, maybe work under him. But then I don’t want to hang out with him. I want to be near him as he talks to a crowd at a party, but I don’t feel safe to be near him when there’s less than ten people nearby. I think below ten, I would be swept in some danger that I won’t be prepared for.

Tim Rogers and Action Button Review is a fascinating review series and if you have the time, I suggest you should take the journey. It’s well worth it, just to get a different perspective on video games and the world around it.

[honey-piie]

heyy i saw u reblogged the werewolf post and i would be so interested in reading ur thesis on monsters!! or like a summary!! if ur comfortable w that ^^ after watching black sails im always up for meta thats about queer identity and monsters!!!

Aaah I would literally love to share it with you but it's in swedish! :(( I wrote it a few years ago at this point so I'm not sure I remember everything super well but I can try to give a little summary!

Basically I studied how the monstrous body connects to queer sexuality in Anne Carsons Autobiography of Red. More specifically I studied how the body is hidden and revealed as a symbol of assimilation into the heterosexual norm and the breaking free of that assimilation. I ultimately read the novel as a narrative of self-acceptance and encouragement of breaking the norm. The novel is, to begin with, full of imagery of being trapped (cages and water tanks for example) as well as the main character hiding his wings by having them tucked under a huge coat or even strapped down to his back for a majority of the novel. So the concept of restriction is extremely prevalent. The wings are from early on something that needs to stay inconspicuous and they make themselves known more when the main character starts getting into his teens and his first relationship, coding them as connected to breaking of norms and sexuality. The images of restriction are broken by the end of the novel where the main character starts to show his wings more, first to himself and then also to others, and at the very end of the novel he uses his wings to fly, the ultimate image of freedom.

I don't think I did a great job of a summary here but if you like narratives about queer identity and monsters (I also adore black sails!!) I would 100% recommend that you check out the book! It's written in verse and only about 100 pages or so and it's absolutely wonderful (the main character is also canonically queer so it's not just symbolism or whatever)!

I would also recommend Teeth by Hannah Moskowitz which is one of the weirdest books I've read in my life and probably not to everyone's tastes but I absolutely loved it. It's about magical fish and a kind-of-merman?? Anyway if I remember correctly (read it years ago) it deals with rejection from family and society in a really hard-hitting way and is also a book that I definitely need to reread like.. yesterday preferably. Teeth is a good deal darker than Autobiography though and I would definitely check some trigger warnings (especially around sexual abuse and violence) before reading it!

[frywen-bumbles]

The Way to a Man’s Heart Goes Through His... Cat? Ch3

AO3

As much as Jaskier adores the fact Roach seems to warm up to him, there's one thing he can't stand.

<I think the cat is planning to kill me>

   <why>

Jaskier snaps a picture where all that's visible are glowing eyes in the dark, staring down at him and sends it.

<She keeps staring at me> <And tries to sleep on my face> <And licks my hair!> <She won't let me drive her away> <help>

   <Maybe she secretly likes you>

<Then why won't she let me touch her?> <I have to hide under my blanket so she won't eat my hair>

   <yeah, i'm with Essi, you're on your own>

   <think of it as a free haircut>

<Firstly eww> <Secondly how can you be so cruel> <Have you no mercy for my luscious locks???>

   <absolutely none>

<screaming emoji> <you are horrible friends>

   <good night Jaskier try not to die>

   <good dying>

<when you don't hear about me in the morning you will regret those were your last words to me>

   <your thesis supervisor will drag you back from the grave to finish your thesis>

<don't remind me I'm trying to sleep!!!>

   <sleep tight don't let the type errors bite>

<I hate both of you>

   <kissy face emojis>

   <zzz>

The morning routine is something Jaskier has learned to both love and hate. His alarm rings at 8 like every morning and like possessed Roach jumps on top of him and screams.

"Mmmm yeah, I'm awake, Roach..." Jaskier mumbles and tries to sleep just one more minute. Roach is having none of it. She runs over him, to the door and screams bloody murder and jumps on top of him again.

"Please... Roach... just two... minutes..." Jaskier tries to bury his head under the blankets but Roach walks on top of him and screams again.

"Ugh... you're heavy... Okay, okay, I'm getting up. See Roach, I'm getting up..."

He walks downstairs to feed Roach who keeps screaming and thrilling until her bowl is full and walks back up to brush his teeth.

Roach doesn't take long until she demands to be let in the bathroom, scratching and meowing making her demands known.

"One of these mornings I will get to brush my teeth in peace," Jaskier sighs as Roach curls herself into the sink. This is not one of those mornings.

He checks his phone over morning coffee and is surprised to find a message from Fiona so early.

   <Help me out>

<Sure, swallow. What do you need?>

Fiona sends him a picture of her math assignment.

<What is it you're having trouble with?>

   <I don't understand anything.>    <I asked uncle L but he was no help.>    <I usually ask uncle E but he's not here>    <What do i do?>

Jaskier looks at the math over and starts to explain it in detail. It's somehow endearing how much trust Fiona puts in him and he does not want to ruin it for her. Not that third-grade mathematics is hard, he suspects 'uncle L' just isn't that good at explaining things.

He can't help but venture to reread a different conversation entirely while he waits for Fiona to finish.

A picture of Cat Dad and Fiona. And actual texts after it.

   <how is roach>

<She's very fine! Quite vocal about what she wants but still lovely!>

   <good>    <let her outside>    <she enjoys it>

And on another day:

   <thank you for the pictures>

Then another selfie with Cat Dad and Fiona, this time taken by Cat Dad. He is very bad at taking selfies, but somehow even that is endearing, despite the man looking like he's a member of a biker gang with the beard and all of the black leather. When he got the first picture, he hadn't even noticed. He had been too distracted by... other things. Jaskier really shouldn't feel this giddy just looking at a picture. Just rereading the texts. But he can't help himself.

   <i like seeing roach happy>

The man is clearly crazy about his cat. And what's hotter than a person who loves their pets to the moon and back. Nothing, if you ask Jaskier.

<I'm glad you like the pictures! Like I told you, I'll send one or two every day!>

   <tell me before you run out of cat food>    <i know a person at a pet store>    <dont feed her too many treats>

<I won't, I promise>

What Jaskier doesn't tell is feeding the cat cheese every single day to get her brushed. Little treats never hurt anyone.

Fiona sends him a picture of finished assignments.

<Very good! You did it on your own, I'm very proud of you!>

   <Thank you, MrJ!!>

Jaskier thinks he will melt. While being a tutor wasn't in his job description he doesn't really mind. To him, it's evident what Fiona wants most of all is company and support and he's happy to provide. The family she's staying with is trying their best, Jaskier is sure of it. But from what Jaskier gathers through Fiona's texts, they don't seem to have enough time to look through her school work as much as she wishes they would.

How can two people he's never even met manage to occupy most of he's thoughts?

***

Jaskier has barely put the first forkful of instant ramen in his mouth when he hears the door open.

"Geralt, it's me!"

Jaskier scrambles to meet whoever just walked through the locked door using their own key, what the fuck.

"H-hello...?" he manages to greet through a mouth full of food before he even sees who it is.

Jaskier is not one to be intimidated nor is he one to be at loss for words.

Somehow, the woman in front of him manages to do both. She's gorgeous, her raven hair falling in curls over her shoulders, violet eyes staring straight at him like he's a piece of cheap meat and suddenly Jaskier is keenly aware of wearing nothing but pants and an undershirt, his hair a ruffled mess, hands covered in ink, pencil and pen marks.

"You're one of those... trainees. Melitele forbid, what sort of trash does Geralt drag in here, why aren't you with the old wolf?"

Jaskier opens his mouth to answer but is immediately interrupted.

"No, don't answer that. Where is Geralt, I need to talk to him."

"I... um..." Jaskier gets the feeling this is a person who gets what she wants. She quirks an eyebrow at him expecting an answer and when none come she sighs, a dramatic gesture Jaskier is not sure he could perform better even if he tried.

"Where. Is. Geralt?" she asks like he's an idiot and Jaskier things at this moment he really is.

"He, um... is not here?" Jaskier tries his best. He does. But something about the woman, no matter how beautiful she is, radiates power, like she could crush him without even blinking an eye.

The woman eyes him, up and down and glances behind him to the kitchen. And smiles. It's a small amused quirk of her lips, one that makes Jaskier spin around immediately only to spot Roach sitting on top of his papers, meticulously dropping every single pen to the floor.

"Roach, no!"

Roach meows and jumps down from the table with a mrrrp. She trots to the woman and rubs herself against her legs before she jumps up to her scratching post to stare at them.

Jaskier kneels to collect his pens, muttering curses under his breath.

"You know Roach."

"Um, yeah?" Jaskier mutters as he crawls deeper under the table to reach the pens.

"Soooo, witchers, huh? Interesting topic of research."

Jaskier hits his head on the table.

"Yeah... yeah I. I know it's not the most conventional one but I do find it quite fascinating especially when you look at all of the historical songs..." Jaskier crawls from underneath the table and is met with the woman standing next to him and suddenly he's keenly aware of being in his underwear on his knees on the floor in front of one of the most beautiful women he's ever seen.

He blushes.

He's sure he's never blushed as much as he is right at this moment and he honestly wishes the ground would open up and swallow him whole.

"You're not one of the trainees," the woman says eyeing him, amusement still lingering on her lips.

"No, I'm not," Jaskier admits and tries to get to his feet in a somewhat dignified way. He fails and all of his pens scatter to the floor again. "Fuck..."

"And who are you then?"

"I'm the cat-sitter. Julian." Jaskier gives himself a mental slap. He is an adult person why does he introduce himself like a toddler? "Can I please go put my trousers on?" he pleads. Maybe clothed he'll have a chance to be on equal grounds with the woman.

"Sure."

A few minutes later he comes back down, fully clothed this time, to find the woman sitting by the table and reading his scribbles.

"Um, hello?" Jaskier greets the woman again. She looks up but does nothing to stand up to greet him in return. "Julian Pancratz, the cat-sitter." Jaskier extends his hand to her and she takes it.

"I'm Yen. Geralt is my-... we're... friends. Now, where has that grumpy bastard gone?" The woman - Yen answers and looks at him expecting an answer immediately.

"I honestly don't know, he only told me it's work-related. I've never even met him. I was recommended by a friend of his who is also a client of mine. He occasionally answers the texts I send him, maybe you could try to reach him by phone?"

"He answers your texts? What did you do, enchant him?" Yen sounds honestly baffled and it makes Jaskier feel bad. She obviously has some sort of history with the Cat Dad so the least he could do is answer her.

"He only answers every now and then. I don't think it was even his idea to reply."

Yen smiles, a true smile this time, not just an amused quirk of lips, "You're probably right." She picks up one of the papers again and taps it, "Ever met a real witcher?"

"No, I haven't. I've just always found the stories interesting... I have plans for real research for my doctoral thesis as soon as I manage to finish my master's degree, I just need to get around to figuring out... well pretty much everything outside of the basic structure. I already know all of the material by heart, it's just... just look at this, how can someone write something so vile about people who work to keep us safe from monsters? And this here..." Jaskier rummages through the piles of papers and pushes the ones he meant on Yen's hands, not waiting for her to answer. "And look, I even came up with this account of someone killing a witcher after he had finished a job for them, just the audacity of it all!" He glances up at Yen, suddenly keenly aware he is probably either boring her or making her uncomfortable with all of this talk about monsters and monster hunters. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't bore you with this..." He reaches to take the papers from Yen's hands but she holds them out of his reach.

"No, you're not boring me at all. Please, tell me more about your current paper?"

Yen proves to be a far better company than Jaskier first thought. At the end of their discussion and a few cups of tea later, Yen turns the conversation back to him.

"Why do you live here? Wouldn't it be easier to write in your own place?"

"Oh, you know, roommates..." Jaskier mumbles, avoiding Yen's eyes. No way in hell is he going to tell a complete stranger he sleeps in his friends' sofas and in the musicology society's guild room at the uni when he can't find anyone to room him between jobs. His parents already think him a failure, no need to add a complete stranger to the mix.

"Hmm," Yen agrees and stands up. "I feel I have held you long enough. Good luck with your thesis. Here is my number, call me if you get into any trouble while you're staying here." Yen scribbles a phone number on the edge of one paper with a bright red pen she picks up from the floor.

"Um... what trouble?" Jaskier asks, suddenly wary. "I have only told one person the address like was the deal? I haven't told them anything else, I'm not in danger, right? This isn't some mob bosses hideout or something? I'm in trouble, aren't I? Melitele's tits, Essi will kill me..."

"Calm down, no trouble. Just... if anything comes up, like bills or something and you can't reach Geralt. He can be unreachable for days." Yen smiles at him, an uneasy smile, not quite reaching her eyes.

"Oh, okay, yeah, that's. That's good..." Jaskier feels so stupid. Not only has he managed to be half-naked while Yen walked in, but now he has also made a complete ass out of himself.

"Take care of Roach," Yen says as a goodbye and walks out of the door. Jaskier rushes to say goodbye but when he reaches the door, she's already gone.

Come night Jaskier is surprised how much he has managed to work on his thesis. Talking about it with someone made writing so much easier, even when most of the talk was him ranting about the unfair treatment of witchers which will never end up in the final paper.

He grabs something to eat before bed and spots Roach. She sits facing the front door, waiting for someone to walk through it.

It breaks Jaskier's heart.

Roach has done it every night, giving up only after Jaskier has gone to bed to crawl on the other side of the bed to stare at him.

Jaskier snaps a picture of Roach and sends it despite the late hour.

<Roach misses you>

Jaskier doesn't expect an answer.

   <tell her im sorry and i love her>

That. That is too cute. Jaskier can't handle it, he just can't.

"Roach, your owner is a big old sap and he wanted me to tell you he's sorry and he loves you, okay?" Jaskier tells her from a respectable distance away. Roach looks at him and meows pitifully.

"I know, girl. I'm sure he misses you as much as you miss him. Come on now, I'm going to bed, you can come and stare at me until I fall asleep."

[ladyfl4me]

Hi please yell about boyd and stern in TCOS and TMWCIFTC :D!

Anon, THANK YOU for enabling me, you have my fucking life in your hands

I’ll preface all of this by saying that everything in this post is related to my long-form Amnesty works, The Moth who Came In from the Cold and The Children of Sylvain. If you haven’t read those, then you’ll be pretty damn confused, so I guess now is as good of a time to plug them - and the series - as any. A heads up: I started it back in 2018, and everything in TCOS is just… very VERY loosely associated with Amnesty canon at this point. Same root premise, same characters, but back in 2018 even I couldn’t predict where arcs 4 and 5 ended up going. TMWCIFTC was written as the logical progression, in my head, of an alternate arc 4, and everything that happened in TCOS is based off of that progression. It’s got almost no connection to the actual canon at this point. I’ll be recapping some of the more important plot points for context, though.

Here’s hoping the read-more works. This was 7 pages long in the google doc I prepared this in, so I apologize in advance to everyone on my dash if this got fucked up. Spoilers for TMWCIFTC ahead, as well as general vague spoilers for Amnesty.

So everything’s coming up roses. Fantastic. Let’s start with the biggest thing: how the characters of Agent Stern and Boyd Mosche have changed from canon to this AU.

Boyd’s Changes:

We’ll start with Boyd, because this motherfucker is UNRECOGNIZABLE from canon. On god, that is all Griffin’s fault. Pretty much all of Boyd’s character was concentrated in arc 4 of Amnesty, and honestly? He was a fantastic character there. Loved him as a counterpart to Ned. He gave off an air of “the ends justify the means” in almost everything he did - especially how he was willing to do anything, including blackmail Ned to hell and back, to get back to England - which I’ve grafted into my version of him. The angst-loving part of my brain seized on the tragic possibilities of his relationship with Ned and was bumping “No Children” by the Mountain Goats every time they interacted. Great stuff, interesting complexity, was genuinely surprised when he kicked it.

All that happened after I introduced him as a character in TMWCIFTC. My version of him retains the smooth-talking Britishness of him, with the aforementioned “ends justify the means” logic for everything; I’d probably sort him as a chaotic neutral, with basically all of his points in wisdom, charisma and strength with very few in intelligence. I tried to work with that for the start. We knew nothing about Boyd at the time I was writing TMWCIFTC, so my brain wanted to fill in that blank for jokes and giggles and haha funny’s and was like, “Yo what if Boyd was a Sylph this entire time? Wouldn’t that be fucking hilarious?” 

And that’s what I did. What happened to make this version of Boyd was a bit of a random “perfect storm” of influences and choices, which really only got sharpened because of my one-shot The Devil Went Down To Georgia. That one’s the main source of all Boyd lore, even though I barely reference it these days because he’s gone so far off the rails it’s a miracle I can keep him straight. 

I’ve talked about The Devil Went Down To Georgia a lot in relation to Boyd on here. TL;DR, I decided to make him two things: a violinist and a Sylph/cryptid, specifically the Jersey Devil. Yes, he is still British. I chalk it up lore-wise to a few things: the original Jersey Devil is more of a distant relative, Boyd crossed over from Sylvain and ended up in Britain sometime after that, and just willingly chose to keep up the British persona Bastard. I don’t think about it too much. He’s been a criminal from the very beginning; he’d been in prison on Sylvain, went through some shit there that made him steal a crystal and book it, and he continued to do crime on Earth to survive.

The violin thing is mostly me desperately wanting a character to have that background, because I played for seven goddamn years and want to put that knowledge and catharsis somewhere. Boyd probably either picked up a Sylvan instrument that was similar, or learned it in the early 20th century when he came to Earth, and just held onto it. He held onto the skills and got good - good enough that he could have gone professional, and tried in 2007, but that didn’t go super well, as anyone who’s read TMWCIFTC can attest. 

In terms of the type of cryptid he is, I’ve made the Jersey Devils a subspecies on Sylvain that takes cervids (deer, moose, etc.) or bovines (goats, antelopes, cows, etc.), as well as canines/felines of any shape and size, puts them into a gashapon machine with pterodactyl-style wings, awful teeth, and a snake’s tail, and calls it a day. You can get a tiny Jersey Devil that’s a combo of a tiny cat and a dik-dik; you can get a jacked nine-foot-tall terrifying amalgam of a lion and a moose, with a fucked-up mouth of multiple rows of teeth and huge claws.

That last one is Boyd. Don’t call me a monsterfucker for this, I have no defense.

So where does that leave him in relation to the Lodge? Back in 2018, before I started developing the lore that factors into TCOS about Sylph communities outside the Lodge (namely the Manhattan Sylphs that Leo worked with when he was a Chosen One), I figured that it’d be funny if every single cryptid kinda just… knew each other, or hung out near the Lodge. As you know if you’ve read TMWCIFTC, he got into some trouble in 1967, which Barclay, Indrid and Mama “bailed him out of.”

Once they found out he was a fellow Sylvan, though, it became less about “report this guy to the authorities” and more about “we have to make sure we keep an eye on this guy so he doesn’t get himself, or other Sylphs, in trouble” thing. He basically became Mama’s mostly-socialized half-feral cat, slinking through the halls of Amnesty Lodge, eating random food, falling asleep wherever, sitting in rooms where people are doing interesting things and just watching them. And everyone... kind of likes him. Sure, he doesn’t have a sleep schedule, and they have to get soundproof panels installed in his room at the Lodge because he’ll stress-practice violin at 3 in the morning, and he keeps shoplifting stuff from local stores to give to people like a cat bringing back dead mice. But he’s a good man. And he’s getting better every day.

Then he got got by the Ashminder in ‘98. He bolted, completely forgot everything about the Lodge but had the address of a former Lodge resident on his body after his memory was wiped, found a still-alive but memory-wiped fellow Lodge dweller, and fled to that address. Boyd lived there for years, trying to clean up his act and try to anchor himself a bit. Then in 2007, something on his path went wrong, and the stress break he went through after that made him run from that place. That’s when he met Ned, and they had a few years together before Boyd ended up in jail.

Then, once they killed the Ashminder and the memories it had eaten came back, Voidfish-style, Boyd remembered everything: the people who’d taken care of him, the friends he’d made, the love he’d found, the time and effort he’d put into getting better, the rewards he’d reaped because of it. He remembered fighting monsters and defending them. He got hit with it all at once, and missed them. His parole date was coming up; he could bide his time until he was released, and run down there.

But then, at the start of TCOS, Something Happens that makes all Sylvan disguises and spells shit the fucking bed; his disguise spell, which has been hiding a nine foot-tall jacked demon out of hell, flickers, and the invisibility spell that had been put on his disguise item to hide it failed. Boyd knew he was fucked if the jail folks found out he was a Sylph, so he decided to fucking Kool-aid Man out of there, becoming a wanted man in the entire state of West Virginia and getting a bit roughed up in the process.

But hey. Whatever it takes to get home, right? 

Stern’s Changes:

Stern’s changed too, though, and here’s how. It was relatively simple to tweak him, because so much of him was a blank slate to begin with. First: that name. Garfield Kent Stern is his full name: Garfield for the cat/Deals Warlock, Kent after Kent Mansley, the irritating dipshit FBI agent antagonist from the classic animated movie The Iron Giant. Poor bastard. He started as a walking meme who I was going to kill off; I came up with that name long before we got his real name in canon, and didn’t want to retcon it out. 

I’m a sucker for secret connections and familial ties, too, and back in 2018 the headcanon gashapon gave me “what if Stern was a cousin of Duck’s, but there was family drama that made their parts of the family split when they were kids, so now 30 years later they don’t remember each other?” 

And that’s exactly what I did. Gary is Duck’s first cousin on Duck’s mom’s side; their mothers are sisters. Gary’s uncle Arnie was a Secret Service agent who tangled with an Indrid trying to stop the Kennedy Assassination once, and he keeps telling that story at Christmas, much to everyone’s chagrin. Gary remembered those stories, and even received Indrid’s old disguise glasses - knocked off his face during his uncle Arnie’s chase - and carried them with him for a long time.

He didn’t start off as a baby cop, though; he was more interested in hitting the books, finding out the logic and doing the research to figure things out. I have him become a history major, getting a PhD with a few bits and bobs here and there that I haven’t worked out yet. Whatever the case, he spent a LONG time in academia, from undergrad starting in 1996 to graduation in about 2005. 

Things weren’t as peachy as he thought they’d be, though. Gary wrote and published his thesis, like a good little PhD candidate, but someone was watching him. In his thesis, he’d been trying to cobble together various cryptid-related legends across the word and making connections between them, among other things. He’d managed to link up and explain something that Unexplained Phenomena had been trying to figure out themselves. They immediately intercepted his thesis, kept it from being disseminated anywhere else, erased all copies of it after graduation, and reached out to Gary independently to bring him on.

Make no mistake: he went willingly. Despite the whole thesis coverup, Agent Gary Stern wasn’t coerced into being a government stooge, and he wasn’t blackmailed - he was given an offer to work with the cryptid cops, and he enthusiastically took it. Government benefits were decent, he’d heard; post-grad options were looking slim, especially going into the recession. In his mind, there was a bit of allure to it all, too. A secret government organization looking into suspicious and possibly supernatural things all over the nation? Fantastic. More opportunities to do research. He was in. Gary accepted their offer and started basic FBI training in 2007 - the same year Boyd had that mental break and went AWOL, returning to his life of crime and meeting Ned.

Biggest mistake he’d ever made. But then again, if he didn’t take them up on that, he wouldn’t be here, would he?

So he joins UP, goes up the ranks. They had him researching and charting the Bigfoot case for a while, and he was the only one who was willing to work on it at all because… well, Bigfoot sightings weren’t as sophisticated as some of the other projects that were out there for UP. (See: Area 51. We don’t talk about Area 51. Nobody talks about Area 51. Definitely nothing shady and unethical going on in there, no experiments on anyone or anything, no sir.) 

Gary’s diligent, though, and doesn’t like to back down from a challenge. That’s all hunting Bigfoot was: a challenge. No personal stake, no empathy. It was a job to get done, even though an entire person’s life was at stake.

And he got so caught up in this challenge that, when he went to Kepler, he EASILY got attacked by the Ashminder and destroyed within an inch of his life. He got the very memory of his job and intent in Kepler torn out of his head; once the Ashminder died, and those memories came back, they didn’t feel like his anymore, or like they’d been part of his life plan to begin with. Overcome with confusion and guilt, he decided to clean up his act and try to work against the FBI, with Mama’s blessing. 

His goal? Quit the FBI, get them off the Lodge’s back, and then see what happens next. Maybe he’d go back to academia, or teach, or something - just get as far away from the FBI as possible, as far away as he can be from hurting people. But he’s got to bide his time, because if he bolts now, they’re going to get suspicious and put the Lodge in even more danger. And that’s where he is now.

So why have they changed?

Simple answer? I don’t want to rewrite them to fit with canon. I just don’t. I don’t want to make Boyd human; I don’t want to change Gary’s name to Joseph and make him a Bigfoot groupie. I don’t want to rewrite hundreds of thousands of words of work to fit last-minute decisions made in the end times of Amnesty’s canon. My fic has diverged so much from canon that the canon versions of the characters don’t belong here anymore. Besides, Stern was such a background character in arcs 3 and 4 that he barely mattered, making his reappearance in arc 5 a bit of a clumsy follow-through, and Boyd was a one-act wonder. A little expansion couldn’t hurt. Making Gary something other than a direct antagonist made the narrative load a little easier, too, at least on my end. I hate giving a cop screen time, but it’s easier to justify his existence by rewriting his backstory and making him slog through the hell of a redemption arc. He’s had that coming. 

This leads us to TCOS, though, where the arcs of our player characters turn a bit more towards the plot, as opposed to the emotional fulfillment they got in TMWCIFTC. Characters like Gary, Mama, Boyd, and Alexandra take center stage for emotional and backstory development, while the original player characters take a temporary backseat. Alexandra’s a key linchpin of the story as a whole, both emotionally and narratively; Mama gets lore expansions and has personal things to settle; and Gary and Boyd are… here. So:

How do these two work with each other in TCOS?

It’s great. It’s fantastic. These two are my favorite to write in TCOS because their conflict is just so fucking FUN. On the one hand, you have an almost-ex-FBI agent who’s been taken in by the Lodge, is related to a Pine Guard member, is trying to keep his coworkers off the Lodge’s back as sneakily as possible without drawing suspicion, and is desperate not to screw up this second chance he doesn’t think he deserves. On the other hand, you have an ex-con who got a second chance from the Lodge, sees them as his last best option to be safe as long as nobody reports them, and wants to keep them safe out of a sense of familial obligation he’s reluctant to admit to, even to himself.

That’s two people with questionable morals, with a semi-familial attachment to a place that gave them second chances, each seeing the actions of the other as a threat to their - and everyone else’s - safety. Claws come out almost immediately.

At the start, Boyd and Gary go together like apple juice and toothpaste. Boyd sees a narc who’s threatening the one safe place he has left; Gary sees an impulsive, selfish threat, a domino that - if it falls - threatens, you guessed it, the one safe place he (and other people, sure) has left. Boyd breaking out of jail means the entire state of West Virginia, and probably the whole East Coast, is on high alert looking for him, and if that attention comes anywhere near the Lodge? They’re fucked.

Neither of them believe that the other is capable of change or anything but selfish, malicious harm. Boyd has more of an argument than Gary because Gary is still actively reporting things to the FBI, but in Gary’s defense, the moment that he stops reporting anything to them, they’re going to suspect things and might end up sending more people to the Lodge. The Pine Guard can’t afford that, so Gary has to play by the rules until he’s in a position where he can quit. I’ll pull a specific argument they have from TCOS that I feel really exemplifies this:

"I don't want you to get caught."

Boyd scoffed. "Something tells me you're not worried about me."

"I'm not."

"Well, thanks."

"I'm worried," Gary went on, "about someone seeing you, and connecting you to the Lodge. You just used the hot springs as your personal landing strip, in broad daylight. We're on the upper half of the mountain. And I don't know how big your Sylvan form is, but -"

Boyd grinned. It looked more like a snarl. "Oh, plenty big enough," he said.

Gary ignored that. "Big enough for someone to see you from down the mountain?" he challenged. Boyd's lip curled, and he looked away. "Yeah, that's what I thought. I'm just thinking ahead. What if someone came beating down our door looking for you? What if it was a cryptid hunter? What if it was the cops?”

"Yes, yes, fine, alright," Boyd snapped. He threw his hands up. His eyes were hard and cold. "It'd put us in danger. I get it. But you're still here. I think the damage is already done."

A knot of cold rage formed in Gary's stomach. "I'm trying to keep this place safe, Mr. Mosche," he spat. "I've got a responsibility to keep."

Boyd scoffed. "Oh, you have a responsibility? To Amnesty Lodge? That's fucking rich."

"You've got one, too! It’s about time you started keeping it!"

They’re both very, very set in their ways and their ideologies, and they take a long time to get to middle ground. 

One of my friends described it as middle child syndrome in overdrive. Gary thinks Boyd’s the Lodge golden child, come to replace him in the Lodge inner circle. Boyd thinks Gary’s the Lodge’s new redemption-arc fixer-upper, come to replace him. And both of them feel thrown off by that, because they both thought that the Lodge was accepting them completely into the inner circle. It’s unfamiliar, it’s confusing, and when the Lodge as a whole regards them both with suspicion/unease (Gary) and polite detachment due to the passage of time (Boyd), it makes them both feel on the outside.

And when you’re in the same shitty canoe, you’ve gotta row it or sink. So that’s exactly what they do. 

Ultimately, they get faced down with bigger and worse foes that snap them out of their spat, because their common interest is “keeping the Lodge safe” and uniting will help them get there. When they do start to have each other’s backs, though, that’s when they reluctantly start to get to know each other. Gary feels like something’s off about Boyd and eventually suspects - thanks to some comments from Haynes and some digging of his own - that Boyd had something to do with the fire that burned down Aubrey’s house, but it remains to be seen what he’ll do with that information. (The Gary of November 2018 would have turned Boyd in to the FBI. The Gary of almost six months later, though… a different story. It’ll be interesting.)

The kicker is, they’re both really similar, at the heart of it. Both of them were the Lodge’s fix-em-up pet projects, brought into the fold in an emergency and protected/cared for as long as they swore to clean up their act. They see each other and feel a bit out-of-place, though - something contributed to by the way the Lodge treats them.

Gary’s still held at a distance by many, despite being Duck’s cousin and a mostly-valuable member of the team, because the stench of the FBI is still on him - how he dresses, how he walks and talks, how he acts. And Boyd has just swanned back to the Lodge after 20 years gone, with all his memories of the Lodge from back in ‘98 driven back into his mind - and part of him is expecting the Lodge to be the exact same way it was when he left. But it’s not. You can’t go home again. The Lodge has moved on without him, which he never expected, and coming back to them is… awkward.

It’s simple. They don’t know what to do with a version of Boyd who’s missed the past 20 years of their lives; Boyd doesn’t know what to do with people who have changed from the folks he knew 20 years ago. He’s lost, floating, and alienated, like going to a high school reunion after not having spoken to a living soul since graduation. It sucks for him. And the only wholly unfamiliar face there, other than the main Pine Guard - who he’s mostly fine with, except for Ned - is Gary, and he can’t help but be irritated with him. That changes, though.

What I essentially want to do is set these versions of the characters up as foils. Similar characters, similar pasts, similar situations that got them to this point. All that’s different is how far in their respective arcs they are. So I’m going to have them be friends. Give each other a chance in the face of a bigger threat, open up a little more, have conversations, talk about things with each other because they’re the only ones around to listen. The Lodge gave them second chances when they needed them most. Maybe they can do that for each other.

This is also to say, I would be a massive fucking liar if I say I haven’t considered having that unfold into a rivals-to-lovers arc. Yeah, I said it. I’ve considered it, at length and in serious detail, since I started drafting the arcs for TCOS. In fact, that’s what I’m probably going to do. I’ve gotten too hooked by the possibility to give it up. I outlined hypothetical futures for the whole cast after the final battle in Sylvain and, given the things I want to happen in that battle and the messy post-war fallout, it makes sense that these two would gravitate towards each other.

It makes a lot more sense in context, believe me. They’ve got a long row to hoe before they trust each other enough to become friends, or even push the envelope towards a romantic relationship - they’d have months and even YEARS to wait to pull that off. Whatever I end up doing with them, they are easily my favorite part of TCOS to unravel, mostly because I  - and, honestly, everyone else - probably never saw it coming.

Thanks for the ask, anon. This made my week. So sorry for the long response, but I have so many thoughts on what I’m doing with these idiots, and putting them down on paper was really fun. Any other questions or comments about this? Fire away, I’d be more than willing to answer!