#this post is a little long sorry lol

[birlwrites]

🎢, 🍦,💖,🤗,😬, 💔, 🤲?

🎢 Which of your fics would you call your wildest ride?

oh, definitely career goals: tyrant - it's unhinged from chapter 1 and only gets more so

🍦 What’s the sweetest fic you’ve created so far?

i was torn so i picked 2 afslghjksdf - the first one is sun and shadow, aka the pjo au, and the second is the point of creation, which is a check please fic with lardo/ransom in which lardo is a composer and ransom is a poet and they make art for each other and it's very soft

💖 What made you start writing?

hmm i don't think there was ever a set Moment - i've always been coming up with stories, and i'm p sure my parents have some picture books/graphic novels/comics/idk what to call them drawn by yours truly at age <5. i started actually like, typing stories in a word processor in about 4th grade because my best friend was writing a story and i wanted to copy her

🤗 What advice would you give to new fanfic writers that are just getting started?

3 things: first of all, try not to jump straight into posting your stuff somewhere like ao3. get a feel for what you like writing and what makes you happy before you start introducing things like 'how many people kudosed my fic today' - there is SO MUCH fic out there, and it can be very hard to build an audience/find your people, especially when you're just starting out. there's no reason to demoralize yourself right away. build up your sense of what YOU like before you start worrying about whether other people like it. (sharing your writing with your friends is different - they're your friends, not faceless internet people ashfkjhsf)

second of all, it's important to make sure that you're actually enjoying the process. writing fanfic should be fun - if it feels like a chore or an obligation, it might be time to step back and see if you've accidentally turned it into a job instead of something you do solely because you enjoy it

third of all, writing a complete fic beginning to end is a skill in and of itself. don't expect yourself to just sit down and bang out a multichap fic with flawless pacing and an amazing ending. that's something that requires practice. the best way to practice is to finish what you start. you don't have to finish absolutely everything - as i said, this should be fun - but just be aware that if you want to complete your fics in a satisfying way, you need to practice writing complete stories. one-shots are a great way to start!

😬 Which of your fics would you be most horrified for friends, family, or coworkers to stumble upon?

ohhhh man

honestly, the entire concept makes me wince, but tbh probably lachrimae. i feel like that's the one most likely to inspire the 'why aren't you writing original stories, you should be writing original stories' reaction

💔 Is there a fic of yours that broke your heart?

i have a few, all regulus angst - we've got implode--, survived by, and happy birthday, which i wrote when i was ~15 and, if i do say so myself, KILLED IT.

implode-- is about sirius rescuing a mostly-dead regulus from the cave, survived by is about sirius finding death eater regulus after evan's death (there's a theme LMAO - that's a fic i wouldn't be able to write these days, i'm too attached to evan now), and happy birthday is canon-compliant snapshots of regulus's life from age 11 to age 18

🤲 Would you please share a snippet of a wip?

ABSOLUTELY. HERE'S LACHRIMAE

-

Voldemort says, "Do you consider yourself a fighter, Regulus?"

It could pass for conversational—silk floating on water. He hisses the tiniest bit on Regulus, a tiny whistle of air after precisely pronounced syllables like an ice cube against the back of Regulus's neck. Regulus's mask gleams at his side, awkward and useless in his hand—he can't put it on, but he can't put it away, and so there it stays, a glimmering ghost in the sun.

What sort of answer does Voldemort want? He doesn't want Regulus to fight, he wants to keep his Seer safe, but there has to be a reason he's asking, a reason he called Regulus in the first place.

Regulus doesn't consider himself a fighter. He's... flexible. He bends, goes around instead of through. Fire and brimstone have always been more Bellatrix's thing, and Voldemort must know that.

"You," Voldemort says, "have a habit of responding to my questions with silence."

Great.

-

send me fic writer emoji asks!

[frm9pm]

Sometimes I remember they lived through the 90’s which also means boybands

[graveyardgremlins]

WIP:

“You have a bat themed computer?! This is somehow worse than my dad naming everything after our family.” “Wait, does he actually do that?” “Yeah, dude. We have the Fenton Bazooka, the Fenton Boo-merang, the Fenton Family Ghost Assault Vehicle, the Fenton Phones, Fenton Rocket, Fenton Skateboard…” “Wait, wait. You own an assault vehicle? A rocket?” “What? You're saying it as if you don't.” “Yeah, but my… He is Batman. Not exactly the poster boy for sanity, you know?” “Well, look at the bright side! You don't have to feel awkward about it anymore. If anyone gets it, it's me.” Jason smiled, a bit dizzy, and guided him. Jason had never brought anyone to the cave before. It felt oddly heavy in his chest. He had to resist the urge to keep turning around to check on Danny. He felt a bit like Orpheus in a way.

[marybatson]

the only reason I hc billy as an emancipated minor is literally just so that mary can still live with the bromfields and freddy can be fostered by the vasquez family. so rosa and nora have no actual relation to each other or have the rights to tell billy what to do but theyll pick him up for school and have extra bedding and a toothbrush saved for sleepovers and knuckle down his head (rosa) and fix his collar (nora) and. will pick up a household object and swing harder than any mlb player could trying to protect him faster than he can blink

[summerslushies]

motor city/monster posting simulator

🧠 deadguysincorporated Follow

don't even think about interacting with me if you're a construct of any kind. some of us had to be turned to be considered monsters, you guys had to be built into it smh

#being metal or flesh cobbled together doesn't make you special #it just means that whoever made you took extra steps to make a human😒 #rattle groans #constructs DNI

🌕 fullmoonmayhem Follow

why are you mad about some people not going through an experience that can be severely traumatizing? that's weird, dude.

🩷 cybercds Follow

yeah wouldn't it be easier for someone to be a monster at the start rather than going through something horrific?

🧠 deadguysincorporated Follow

i don't want to hear anything from you. you're a corpse faker.

🩷 cybercds Follow

HUH???

🩷 cybercds Follow

NO NO. WTF IS THAT???

🧠 deadguysincorporated Follow

you're not even fully undead! you have NO business commenting on this.

🩷 cybercds Follow

i literally come back to life every time i die?? i'd say that counts as being pretty frickin undead LMAOOO

👽 sleepspacenine Follow

i went and checked op's blog and their description says they were zombified three months ago.

🌕 fullmoonmayhem Follow

of course.

#not even the slightest bit surprised by that tbh #i cant even imagine acting like that on TOMBLR of all places

💀 bonezzz Follow

I swear it's always newer undead pulling this gatekeeping shit. It's so fucking embarrassing, you guys.

#i am so sorry on ops behalf #i doubt they'll apologize but i'm so sorry you guys had to deal with them #i thought we got out of what makes a monster discourse years ago this is ridiculous

👻 ghostbriide Follow

anyone in this thread haunt warehouses

( 234 notes )

[skunkes]

something silly and badly formatted

[zipora666]

I know I said welcome home but-..I add some fandoms they be happy to be with it!

my happy energetic girls!!!✨💖🧡❤️

Pinkie pie Mabel and Julie just fitting so well! My fav girls!!!

[wyvernity]

wip posting just to get something out there, and it's def a mixed bag!! the only thing more inconsistent than my posting schedule is my art style RIP

[doodleodds]

An "Akechi in a nurse outfit w/ some shuake" comm for @edenfire! (I'm sorry if this isn't what you were looking for lol but this is just what came to mind ^^;) AND I'M NOT DEAD I PROMISE- I HAVEN'T STOLEN YOUR MONEY AND RAN!! I am sorry this took so long to get to you though. My job got very busy recently with school starting up and I just kept coming home too drained to do anything but sleep. But we're back on it now!!! There's a bonus below the cut since this is.... two weeks late, oh god:

So when i initially started this drawing i was like "hm are there any nurse outfits in cannon" and i was like "you know what. I bet Maruki had some nurses that were shadows." and that lead to this! It's not polished AT ALL because i was drawing it for fun, initially, and then the sunk cost fallacy kicked in and i had to finish it to include in the post because it'd already taken me a hot minute to get to you + i'd spent too much time goofing off drawing this to just post your thing with no explanation aside from work, so. Here!

(Whats that saying about falling in love with sirens? Make sure they're saying “I love you” and not “you love me?”)

[tennessoui]

so i've been thinking about this premise for so long but it wasn't working for obikin (which of course i took as a challenge) and i think i finally got it where i want it so

au where 35 yo obi-wan is a music sensation across the world but he's recently divorced and going on tour again after releasing a very cutting, personal, and well-received album

and 19 yo anakin joins his tour with his very small band of two other people (ahsoka, padmé) to be his opening act - they have a small but loyal following, a pretty big social media presence, and there are even people who ship anakin and padmé which you know means these are die-hard fans

anakin has definitely looked up to obi-wan and his music for a good portion of his life and he's like. beyond excited that he's going to tour with The Obi-Wan Kenobi - this is big, not just for his music career but also for himself and the little boy he was listening to obi-wan's music for the first time!!

i'm just imagining like....obi-wan and anakin meeting after a few days of rehearsal for opening night, and it's not the most auspicious start because obi-wan's going through like 20 different emotions at any given moment (he's on tour, he's divorced, he's tired, he loves the music, he can't be the person he was in his twenties when he was first on tour but that's a whole different matter, he has all the media training and charismatic instinct to cover up these less than savory emotions with flirtatious empty words) and anakin is just like. sorta starstruck sorta shy sorta eager sorta awkward so:

"i'm uh, i'm a singer it's nice to meet you. hi yeah. hello. i'm on tour. as well. with you. actually." "ah no, are you one of my backing vocal artists? we can't have that - you're much too gorgeous and my ego is much too dependent on the audience focusing on me." "um 😳"

so it's a relationship that begins with a lot of flirting and being flustered and progresses through moments of vulnerability and honest emotion which turns into mutual affection which turns into anakin's celebrity crush becoming very real....meanwhile obi-wan googled anakin and the opening band after the first show/introduction and finds all the stuff about him and padmé being together and that's. that's fine. young love. how sweet. any sort of disappointment obi-wan feels is because he's recently divorced and bitter about it and he's going to have to spend at least half his tour watching the lovebirds snuggling up together.

and even when all the misunderstandings about relationship statuses have been addressed and the pretense has fallen away to leave just attraction, both have to think about their careers - it's all well and good for obi-wan to date someone sixteen years his junior, post divorce, but that's an image he's never wanted to deal with or be associated with. and this is the biggest shot of anakin's career - his best chance to make it in the music industry. in the words of his bandmate, is he really, honestly thinking about risking it for a chance to sleep with The Obi-Wan Kenobi?

but what his bandmate doesn't seem to really understand is that for anakin, obi-wan hasn't been The Obi-Wan Kenobi in a long time. he's just been obi-wan. and that makes a world of difference.

[spiralstain]

Herlock Sholmes sketchdump. As a treat.

[disasterhimbo]

Hey, can we take a moment to acknowledge it’s really fucked up how normalized ableism and eugenics were even before the pandemic? Yes, covid kills and disables way more people than the flu, and eugenics is even worse now, but the fact that we were just happily infecting each other with other illnesses pre-pandemic even though people died from them every year? That was a choice our society (and governments) made. We could’ve been masking and staying home when sick and doing way more to protect the vulnerable, and instead, we just… didn’t. It was just normal to go to school and work sick, and it was normal for tens of thousands of people to die from the flu every year. That’s horrible. Why were we doing that? I know the answer is probably capitalism, but that doesn’t make it better. How did we let our society get so bad that over 50,000 people (US statistic) dying of the flu (not even all preventable contagious illnesses) in a year wasn’t even a blip on the radar?

[iknowwhereyousnoozeatnight]

this one's for all the yuri enjoyers out there — nsft under cut

meronia event prompt(s): scar

[dyed-indigo]

How many wives did Luo Bingge have?

I see quite a lot of debate over this within the fandom, and this excerpt has been passed around quite a bit:

But I felt like I remembered Bingge being mentioned as having more wives within the text, so I decided to skim the books (CTRL + F on the Internet Archive PDFs worked wonders) to find as many references to Bingge's wife count as I could.

I was right that he was mentioned as having more wives (hundreds to be exact), on the back of the very first book in the series even. However, the backs of books are the domain of the publisher rather than the author, so this isn't really trustworthy info to go off of for canon purposes. Still, it made me curious to see if more wives were mentioned somewhere else within the series.

He is mentioned as theoretically marrying at least 100 women at once here, however this was purely speculation on what would have happened in Proud Immortal Demon Way if Luo Binghe truly aspired for marriage. He did marry many women in PIDW, however it's never made clear whether these marriages were out of love or were political (and for horny reasons, the stallion protagonist can never escape his libido).

613 is also mentioned as a number of wives, and seems oddly specific unless there's some Chinese number symbolism I'm missing here, however this is just an example of something that Madame Meiyin could predict with her fortune telling abilities. Her fortunes are mentioned to typically be about romance, so this could be Shen Qingqiu remembering an actual prediction she made in canon, however even if that were the case (which there doesn't seem to be evidence to support) it could simply be that Luo Binghe never got those wives within the novel, and was just implied to get them afterwards (cue Peerless Cucumber rant about Airplane's lazy writing).

There's mentioned to be dozens of women "barely glimpsed" within the harem, presumably in addition to wives like Ning Yingying and Liu Mingyan who were more significant, but that still doesn't give us an exact count. If the initial harem count is accurate, it does imply that most of the women within it were just written to fluff the numbers a bit.

Bingge is mentioned to have "never refused" any requests to join his harem. RIP Bingge's understanding of boundaries, but, again, we have no clue how many women even asked to join. Demon Emperors are powerful, but also scary, and Shen Qingqiu is... perhaps an unreliable narrator when it comes to any version of Luo Binghe's appeal factor.

Bingge is mentioned multiple times to have had sex with hundreds of women, however, not all of the bedded were wedded. Madame Meiyin, for example, is mentioned as someone that Bingge slept with but never married, and there's no evidence that i could find that she was the sole exception in a sea of wives.

In conclusion, while manwhore Bingge is real, his count of actual wives is more than likely less than 100, as originally specified. (Though I wouldn't blame you if you thought otherwise, the emphasis on the harem size being "innumerable" and "uncountable" in the narration is quite a lot, and historically many Chinese emperors had a larger harem than Bingge.)

At least, he had less than 100 wives in the novel. In the donghua, on the other hand...

Well. That's a fairly definite amount.

[vynegar]

vyn 5th birthday ssr, part five

a new resolution

same disclaimers from part one (note the extra one from usual, regarding story content)

youtube link to ShiroNaya’s video of the card story

links to previous parts: one two three four

more tot stuff here

do not repost

[PART FIVE]

[48:29]

Vyn didn’t want the situation to interfere with my work, so the next day I went to the law firm as usual. Online public opinion was worsening, and even his saving Zheng Yan was branded as insincere. The instigators hid behind their screens as they stirred up the masses, who were easily swayed by exaggerations or those were societally disadvantaged.

Some questioned Zheng Yan’s motives, asking why someone who truly wanted to end their life would start a livestream that was just asking for trouble. The opposition pointed out the imbalance in power dynamics; Zheng Yan’s extreme actions were simply out of desperation. He was at the end of his rope, and everyone could see his pain and despair.

[48:47] Near the Research Center

The endless altercations and continued smearing of Vyn’s name was heartrending to see. Once I was off work, I immediately rushed over to the research center to find Vyn.

MC: (It’s so quiet… I wonder why Vyn texted me to come here instead of going inside?)

In order to prevent any incidents, Vyn temporarily closed the research center, so the street that was typically brightly-lit was now empty and silent. One streetlamp feebly lit up a corner, a sharp contrast with the lively, bustling city streets in the distance.

Vyn: Over here.

The sight of Vyn’s warm smile dispelled most of my melancholy and confusion, and I walked up and took the hand Vyn reached out to me.

MC: Were you waiting a long time?

Vyn: No, you arrived just as I finished preparing.

MC: What are these…?

There were documents scattered haphazardly next to the flowerbed, and beside them was a shallow metal bowl. Vyn took a lighter out of his pocket and nimbly rolled the spark wheel. With a crisp click, sparks ignited then quickly extinguished.

Vyn: Just a little ceremony I have prepared.

The trees rustled in the night breeze, like background noise giving his words a sense of despondence.

Vyn: MC, I told you before about why I left Svart…

MC: Yeah.

That was when we visited Ferro Winery, and Vyn used his intoxication as an excuse to tell me about his past and his worries (1). Just like right now, that night was as quiet as if we were the only two people in the world.

MC: The Church interfered with you studying psychology. Eirik tried to resist them, but to no avail. You took the opportunity to abandon everything you didn’t care about and come to Stellis.

Vyn: Yes. I had not thought about that in a long time, until Zheng Yan appeared.

Vyn handed me an old newspaper. The bolded headline on it said: “Psychology student assists police in arresting a murderer. His true identity is…?” The contents of the article were largely consistent with what Vyn previously said, only with exaggerations to make Vyn’s performance seem prodigious. That was understandable, as a way to draw readers’ attention.

Vyn: Back then, my assistance to the police was kept highly confidential, but this article still showed up the next day as a front-page headline.

MC: Someone did this intentionally?

Vyn: Correct. Information can be leaked with unimaginable speed, even under the dual authority of both the police and the Haspran family.

I recalled that Zheng Yan had also alluded to this incident…

[flashback]

Zheng Yan: How shameless can you be?! I heard you used my case to make yourself the center of attention in Svart, and got everyone heaping praise on you and psychology. But who would’ve thought, behind all your fancy titles of “doctor” and “professor”, you’re nothing but filth!

[end flashback]

During the time, I hadn’t paid attention to the meaning behind his words. Now, I realized the irony in them.

MC: Was that also the work of Eirik’s political opponent?

Vyn: Yes…

Just as I expected, Vyn was finally filling in the gaps of what he didn’t elaborate on yesterday. It was because he had already previously been mired in controversy due to his father’s political disputes that made him so certain about Eirik’s call yesterday. He may have guessed it even earlier, once he sensed that there was someone in the shadows pulling the strings, only Vyn had still been holding out some hope.

MC: What happened next?

Vyn: Soon, news of the Haspran family heir’s study of and achievements in psychology spread throughout Svart. The Church was outraged, and pressured my father to explain and resolve the issue for them.

MC: Eirik wasn’t on your side?

Even though I knew the outcome, I couldn’t stop myself from asking. It wasn’t that I had any illusions about Duke Haspran… it was just a futile wish that Vyn hadn’t been completely isolated and abandoned back then.

Vyn: At the time, Father’s new policy reform was at a critical stage. The Church’s support was indispensable.

The words were so simple, yet they chilled my heart. If he needed the Church’s support, then he wouldn’t oppose them for Vyn’s sake… Zheng Yan kept claiming that Vyn made himself the center of attention, but what did that so-called “attention” actually get him?

Vyn: The only solution he could think of was a stalling tactic, and he asked me to temporarily give up on psychology. However, I was already determined to continue researching psychology, and I yearned to explore that in practice. I did not want to wait, and I felt I did not need to.

Vyn paused briefly, and the whole world felt suspended for that moment, even the moonlight dimming.

Vyn: I explained my passion to Father, but he felt that psychology research could be conducted at any time, while his new policy reform could not wait. In truth, neither of us was in the wrong. I should have known all along that our values were never aligned. The conflict finally became irreconcilable, and in the heat of an argument, my father threatened my right of inheritance.

At that point, Vyn looked slightly upward, avoiding my gaze. When he lowered his head again, I couldn’t see any hint of emotion in his face.

Vyn: I had no interest whatsoever in that, so the threat was meaningless. Therefore, I thought of a better solution.

MC: You decided to renounce your inheritance?

Vyn: Yes. That way, the Church could not use me to attack my father, and I could do whatever I wanted. It was a win-win situation.

Despite the satisfactory conclusion, Vyn still looked somewhat despondent. Was it a win-win, or actually a lose-lose…? They themselves might not even be certain.

“Click” – at the scraping of the spark wheel, an orange flame flickered at Vyn’s fingertips.

Vyn: As you can see, these years while I have been in Stellis, my father has always believed that I would change my mind someday. Consequently, he drew up legal documents to ensure that a majority of his assets and authority could be transferred to me.

I couldn’t tell if it was from the streetlamps or moonlight, but the stack of documents were luminous. Even without reading their contents, they seemed heavy.

Vyn: I have never had the heart to fully dispose of them, until now.

[54:23 illustration]

Without the slightest hesitation, he brought the documents to the lighter. Fire greedily leapt across the pages, and Vyn let go before they were fully consumed. The papers that symbolized the power revered and sought by countless people fell into the bowl like shooting stars, and soon only the faintest traces remained. Page after page, the words rapidly curled, shriveled, and burned, our apprehension disappearing along with it.

Vyn: Honestly, I should have done this long ago.

His cheeks were illuminated a rosy hue by the fire; his glasses reflected the dancing flames. Vyn’s face, however, was more carefree and relaxed than I had ever seen before.

Vyn: I loathe Svart, especially all those pretentious people. They see you, me, and Zheng Yan as nothing but pawns to control. From the very beginning when they leaked my assistance to the police, I was nothing more than a pawn in their game of political chess. No one cared if I genuinely loved studying psychology or if it was profitable… just like how no one is sincerely helping Zheng Yan. What he needs is treatment, not someone who sees him and even his mental illness as an opportunity to utilize.

I think I understood the ceremony Vyn was referring to. Being used, abandoned, and framed…that was not something he could be unaffected by. The meaning in burning these documents was miniscule compared to the trouble it would be to sort out the aftermath, but he needed to do this. People commonly use fire to declare the death of something, and Vyn needed fire to make this a true farewell.

MC: What do you plan to do next, Vyn?

Vyn: You mean “we”. From now on, no matter what we do, we will decide together.

Vyn held my hand. Perhaps warmed by the flames, his hand was hot.

Vyn: For Svart aristocrats, engaging with psychology is unacceptable in the eyes of the Church. We can expose this incident, just like what they did previously, and give them a taste of their own medicine.

MC: Alright. What do we need to do?

Vyn: First, I need to diagnose Zheng Yan and begin to treat him. Zheng Yan is an alter of James, which legally categorizes him as incapacitated due to mental illness. Therefore, he cannot be held legally accountable for any of his actions, including his testimony, which is also unlikely to be admitted in court. When he is able to attend court, I would like you to seek justice for him.

MC: Are you going to sue?

Vyn: Yes. Zheng Yan and I were both innocent people who were implicated in this. Of course, I could choose to quietly negotiate with the mastermind right now… I am sure that as long as I am willing to conceal Zheng Yan for him, he will choose to stop while he is ahead. However, I am tired of these temporary ceasefires. Eventually someone has to tear down their hypocritical masks. But this path is bound to be more difficult, and I…

The light crackle of burning paper seemed to finish his sentence.

MC: You’re ready, aren’t you? To walk this difficult, uncertain path. Then go give it your all.

As if caught in turbulence, the ashes leapt up then melted into the night without a trace.

MC: I can’t promise that we’ll win, or that the path ahead will be smooth sailing. But I believe in your decisions, which is why I became your companion.

With the moon bright above us, the last embers were about to extinguish.

Vyn: To be honest, I do not have any grand convictions. I am simply trying to become someone like that person mentioned in a book I read when I was younger. “I love the one who justifies people of the future and redeems those of the past.” (2)

Vyn smiled faintly, his silver hair swaying gently under the moonlight, looking pure and clear. He lowered his head and mouthed the remaining lines, as if in silent prayer –

“I love the one who justifies people of the future and redeems those of the past: for he wants to perish of those in the present.”

“I love the one whose soul is overfull, so that he forgets himself, and all things are in him: thus all things become his going under.”

“I love all those who are like heavy drops falling individually from the dark cloud that hangs over humanity: they herald the coming of the lightning, and as heralds they perish.”

[END PART FIVE]

(1) From Vyn’s Food for Thought SSR. This actually happens at the end of part 4 in the card story, before the scene where Vyn is “tipsy”.

(2) “Thus Spoke Zarathustra” Big Data Lab entry (under Works>Literature): These lines are all excerpts from Thus Spoke Zarathustra by Nietzsche (translated by 钱春绮Qian Chunqi), although it is not presented in the exact order it appears in the original.

[T/N] The excerpt is from end of passage four in the prologue of Thus Spoke Zarathustra: A Book for All and None (or Thus Spake Zarathustra depending on the translation), a book by the philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche. The lines do appear in this order, however there are lines in between that are omitted. The original is in German, so the quotes I’m using are from the English version translated by Adrian Del Caro and edited by Robert Pippin (2006). You can read the first part of the book, including the passage quoted by Vyn, here: https://assets.cambridge.org/052184/1712/excerpt/0521841712_excerpt.htm

Note that Vyn comments about the Svart coming-of-age ceremony in his Journey Forth With You SSR:

"It is a bit like Stellis' legend of rebirth from fire, only that the agent of rebirth in Svart is water."

[hiroshotreplica]

oh how the memories blend together.. unrecognizable, unsalvageable. do you think ill ever be "me" again?

dialogue transcript under cut:

Panel 1:

Alister: Hey, Josh?

Josh: Yes?

Alister: I realized the Deepsea Metro changed us a lot,

2:

Alister, continued: but we wouldn't be able to tell for each other, because we met during it-

3:

Alister, continued: We'll never truly know what we were like before all.. this.

4:

no dialogue

5:

Josh: You know, Alister,

Alister: Yes?

Josh, continued: I... I do not think I'll ever find out what I was like in the past, either.

6:

Josh: I mean- I can't remember anything, not past vague feelings and blurred "lapses" (as you called them)- I don't know anything, really.

7:

Josh: Just like you... I'll never know what I were. Who I was...

8:

Josh, continued: I'll never be the same again.