#this poll brought to you by another day of: ugh here i am staring at this dumb thing all day again even though it only makes me feel bad!!!!

[writingsfromhome]

Bad Timing I(.5)

A/N: This is the sort of backstory to Harry and you, I think it can be read on its own if you want, or before you read the first part too. It’s angsty af, but it has some death and sensitive topics jsyk. I tried to keep it concise but it got a little wordy as angst does. xx

Part 1

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About 12 Years Ago:

“So are you coming to that party or not?” My roommate asks. She was one of the first people I’d met last year when we started uni and even though we came from different backgrounds we remained friends over the last year, even choosing to room together again. She got me to open up and find the extroverted part of me that was able to enjoy uni outside of academics.

“Ugh, I’m volunteering for the voting booths for the rest of the week. Maybe if I can make it?”

“You’re actually doing that?” She scrunches her nose. “I don’t get it. You’re just way too nerdy to be my friend.”

“And yet you loove me,” I squeeze her against me and she laughs. “It’s my mom, she said I had to do at least one extracurricular so I could meet friends this year.”

“You already have friends,” she points to herself, and with her came her group of friends that’d quickly taken me in last year.

And my mom doesn’t like that I hang out with you, I think. She thought we partied too much even though my grades stayed decent. “She wants me to have nerdy friends too, I dunno. They’re helping me pay my tuition until I get a job so I kinda have to play nice.”

“Parents suck,” my roommate flicks through her closet. I agreed, this was just something I would get through to get through. Then they would leave me alone for the rest of the year.

Little did I know the person they’d partner me with at my polling station was someone who would be in my life for the next decade.

“I’m Harry by the way,” he’d said after we received our orientation and assigned the building we were going to babysit the votes in. “Second year.”

“Me too! I’m Y/N. What’s your major? I’ve never seen you around.”

“Law--well I haven’t decided if it’s law but that’s what I’m in right now.”

“Really? Law?” I was openly judging, he just didn’t seem the law type.

“Well what are you in?” He demands.

“Business,” I cringe.

“Really? Business?” He has a cheeky smile on, one that would become familiar to me.

“Well, you just don’t seem like the law type. They’re usually more uptight, dress way too smart for me.”

“I know, it’s like, we’re not even in the courtroom yet,” he joins in and it makes me laugh--how he could poke fun at his own people. That’s when I knew we would get along fine, and I actually looked forward to the next few days getting to know him better.

“I’m definitely telling my mum about you, she’s been begging me to make friends outside of my circle. I’ll tell her I’m friends with a law student.”

“So we’re friends already?” We’d reached our booth and began setting up the partitions. He takes over when I set it up wrong.

“Obviously,” I say. “I actually like you which means you’ll have a hard time getting rid of me.”

“I’m alright with that,” he grins and I notice the laugh lines that are brought to life as he does. It somehow made him seem more genuinely.

We spend the rest of the time swapping stories, classes, rants. We check student IDs and hand out voting cards in between but it doesn’t feel like a drag anymore. At the end of the day, I invite him to the party my roommate was going to with our friends. If he was going, maybe I would too. He seemed like he might be fun at a party.

“Er,” he suddenly seems nervous. “I’ll have to ask my girlfriend, she wanted to hang out tonight.”

“Well bring her too!” I say excitedly. “Is she law as well?”

“No, she’s in the arts.”

“I like her already,” I push. “Bring her, my friends are fun you’ll learn how to have a good time.”

“I know how to have a good time,” there was the flash of his dimples again. “Text me the address.”

And thus began a friendship for the next four years, partying together, studying together (trying to), and hanging out in each other’s rooms. We would set each other up with other friends, double dated, went out for sunrise-hikes, and took long drives at night when we had to blow some steam off from being over-stressed, over-studied uni students. Our friend circles overlapped, the fabric of our lives eventually bleeding together. We were made of the same fibers, sticking together even after uni, when our friends got more serious about their careers. When they moved out of the country or to another city, we made sure to rent places close enough that we could still see each other often. And somehow, in the new chapter of our lives, without the partying and our other friends to buffer, we became closer than before.

We cared for each other--we didn’t deny that ever. And somehow that platonic love turned romantic as we depended on each other while we navigated adulthood. I can’t exactly pinpoint where things changed, but one evening our relationship was changed forever.

7 years ago:

“She literally wants me to stay until 7, and she was offended when I said no! I’m not even getting paid for that!” I was bitching to Harry about my shitty job.

“That’s bollocks” Harry shrugs. “Just say you’ve got family obligations or something.”

“I said that the one time she wanted us to come in on a weekend and she gave me shite work the following week! I just...I can’t afford to lose this job Harry.”

“That’s shitty, I’m sorry.” He takes the last swig of his beer. “Want another one?”

“I haven’t even finished this one,” I moan at my now warm beer that I’d been nursing for the last hour, too busy ranting to drink it. “It’s getting late though I should head home before it’s dark. Don’t want that nutter that hangs around my building to harass me again.”

“I’ll walk you home,” Harry suggests. He lived a 15 minute walk from me.

“No no,” I get up and take our dirty dishes to the sink. “I didn’t even ask about you, how was your day?”

“Same old,” he sighs against the counter. “I feel like I don’t fit in, everyone my age is finishing their law degree but I don’t think I want to.”

“I knew from the day I met you, you weren’t destined for the courtroom.” I pull him into a comforting hug. “Do what makes you happy, or what doesn’t make you want to say fuck it and quit your job to hibernate.”

“You really know the perfect thing to say,” Harry chuckles but he pulls me tighter against him. I stroke his back, reassuring him he’d be alright in the end.

“Y/N-” he pulls away to say something but freezes mid sentence. I raise an eyebrow but he’s still, staring at my face.

“Harry?” I ask, but he continues staring. “Hello? You alright?”

“Yeah,” he breaks into a sudden smile. That was weird--I make sure he’s okay before letting go.

Before I leave, I kiss Harry’s cheek goodbye--I was never shy in the affection I gave my friends and Harry’s bummed mood needed extra affection tonight. But what I don’t expect is for him to catch me before I pull away, staring intently into my eyes. The lighthearted energy between us disappears instantly as it dawns on me, how close we were, the unspoken feelings in his eyes, the hesitation before he presses his lips to mine.

I kissed him back then, barely understanding what was happening, before pulling away. I give him a smile but that’s just what he sees at the tip of the iceberg, underneath my mixed feelings churn away. My best friend just kissed me, and I wasn’t totally mad about it.

“It’s getting dark I-” I say as Harry says, “Sorry was that okay?”

We laugh awkwardly, neither of us sure what to do at this point. We decide to ignore it instead.

“I’ll talk to you later,” Harry lets me go and opens the door for me. “Watch out for the neighbourhood nutter yea?”

I stand in place, feeling the fibers of our friendship unraveling but feeling hopeless in mending the tear. “Take care Harry.”

I high tail it out, my thoughts going at an impossible rate as I sort out what happened. And we try to ignore it the next couple weeks,

We hadn’t made it official then, too nervous to face what this meant about our friendships. It was only at my sister’s wedding, that I realised what was wrong between us. I’d been mourning our old friendship, and avoiding him in the weeks since the kiss. But what I didn’t realise was that our friendship had been changing over the last year anyway, and getting drunk on champagne and dancing with Harry, while my sister celebrated the happiest day of her life, made me realise there was a cause for celebration here: a new chapter in our lives.

A couple days later, after a stressful day at work, I’d taken the tube to his flat and waited for him outside. He was surprised to see me there, not saying much except to open the door and let me in. As soon as he’d closed it, my lips were attached to his and we’d let our bags drop, coats, and any piece of clothing between us. After that night, we didn’t even try to deny how we felt about each other.

“I didn’t think I could ever be this happy,” he’s whispered to me after. I thought he’d fallen asleep but his whisper in the dark made me grin to myself. “Are you awake.”

“I am. Awake and happy.” I turn to face him, giggling. “Who knew this could feel so right.”

“Our first kiss was quite wrong though wasn’t it?” Harry says and it makes me laugh.

“That’s why I needed to do a redo,” I tease. “Can’t leave you to plan anything.”

“It wasn’t planned I swear, I was trying to be spontaneous.”

“Let’s not try ‘spontaneous’ again then,” I kiss him in the dark. He pulls me snug against him, I never knew how safe it felt. The safest I would ever feel, wrapped in the warmth with my best friend and now something else.

It was a good few months, testing the waters as our relationship underwent a transformation. All of our friends were supportive, but we never missed the glances between them. Apparently, they were waiting for this to happen. But as sweet as those first few months had been, finding out my mum was sick with a timeline was devastating. I came apart at the seams but Harry stayed through it all, holding me together. He’d proposed then, wanting my mum to be part of the ceremony. We had a small wedding, intimate but still magical. It was bittersweet, the amount of love and happiness I felt towards Harry and our loved ones around us as he said I do and as he took my arm and swept me across the dancefloor. But the amount of sadness crushing my chest kept me from being the weightless bride I always thought I would be.

Through it all, Harry stayed by my side. While we were hopeful, the day our hopes were dashed, the days and weeks I mourned. When my sister and her husband came to stay with their crazy toddlers and Harry kept them entertained giving my sister and I time together. I thought he was perfect, that I’d lucked out.

That lasted a few years, 3 and a half to be exact. There were months leading up to our split and we could point to a bunch of things that could’ve led to it. a) him wanting kids, and me wanting to wait or b) long hours we worked as we changed careers and tried to make our way up or c) how hard getting pregnant actually was. Maybe I pushed him away, or he didn’t love me enough to try and make it work.

I think I lied to myself, avoiding the tension creeping into the relationship. The tired excuses and time spent apart, the lack of usual affection, or casual conversations. I was an idiot, I realise every time I think about the end in retrospect. Maybe if I caught on earlier I could have fixed us before we fell apart. Maybe I could have saved us.

“There’s someone coming in Tuesday morning to fix the broken washer, will you be home?” I ask, still in bed and scrolling through my phone. I hadn’t meant to be up this early but Harry woke me as he got up and I couldn’t fall back asleep.

“No,” Harry responds, his back to me as he ruffles through the dresser. “I’ve got a thing that morning.”

“Well I’ve got to go in early Tuesday-I thought you might be home.” I say. I hear an edge to Harry’s voice but I try not to focus on it. He’d been a little cold all weekend and I was scared to think what it meant.

“You couldn’t be bothered to check in when you confirmed the date?” Harry asks harshly.

“I...guess not.” I put my phone down and wait for Harry to turn, maybe I could read his expression. Maybe he was stressed. “Harry?”

“What?” He turns, but he looks at me with no emotion. No stress, no frustration, not even anger. It’s the lack of emotion in his face that cause my eyes to prick with tears. Harry raises his eyebrows and I shake my head, untangling myself from the sheets so he doesn’t see any tears. I rush to the bathroom but forget to close the door out of habit.

“Y/N,” a kinder Harry appears by the doorway. His face has smoothed out the harsh lines, his eyes hesitant and cautious.

“What’s happened with us?” I blurt out. “Why are you so cold all the time? Am I doing something wrong?”

Harry’s face falls and he walks towards me but doesn’t touch me. “It’s nothing like that. It’s...I don’t know. We should talk.”

He reaches his hand out but I flinch away. “Did you meet somebody new or something? What are we talking about?”

“Let’s not do this here. Right now.”

“Why not!” I finally had enough. “I’ve been walking on eggshells for months Harry! I don’t know what’s wrong and I keep waiting for you to bloody tell me!”

“This isn’t working!” Harry raises his voice to compensate for mine. I’m immediately silenced by the volume, and then the words sink in.

“Is there someone else?” I ask.

He doesn’t answer, his gaze on the hanging vines by the window. My heart drops into my stomach like a boulder, and I find it hard to breathe. I clutch the porcelain sink and ask in a surprisingly even tone, “Harry. Answer me.”

“What we have, Y/N...it’s dysfunctional.” He says quietly, meeting my eyes. “It doesn’t matter if there’s someone else, we’ve been fighting for months. Things aren’t the same between us-”

“Who is she?” I ask. I needed to know.

“That’s not relevant,” he shuts my question down quickly. “I’m sorry Y/N, I...I don’t want to hurt you. I care about you, I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Then don’t,” I’d pleaded. “We can go to counseling, talk it through-”

“I can’t Y/N.”

“Because of her.”

“No, because this isn’t good for either of us.” He’d walked up to me, cradled my face. “We’re not good for each other, not like this.”

“Who is she?” I yank his hands away.

“She’s...it doesn’t matter, I swear nothing happened between us Y/N. Knowing who she is isn’t going to help this situation--”

“It is! If it weren’t for her, you’d be willing to work on us--to see a future. You...Harry how could you do this to me? To us?” The tears come with no control. “You’re moving on before we’re even over. How are you giving up on us like that?”

“I’m not!” his voice booms in the tiled bathroom. “I’m not bloody giving up on us! I tried Y/N, so many times. I tried! You just keep pushing at me to be someone I’m not and-”

“I can say the same thing about you!” I throw the brush in my hands into the sink. “We were good! And you got it in your head you wanted a baby even though we’re young, oh my god Harry you kept pestering me to change my mind even though I told you I needed time!”

“It’s not like we could have a fucking baby anyway,” Harry says bitterly before realising what he’d said. “Shit-”

“There you go,” I mock. “I knew it. I knew you were holding that against me. And that,” I jab my finger into his chest. “Is what’s made you so moody, so mean and why we’re always fighting. You held it against me.”.

There was absolute truth to what I said. Last year, Harry had brought the baby topic up. I’d told him we were only in our mid-20s, we had a lot of time, and we still had a career to establish. But he would bring up the topic often enough that I’d given in.To make him happy. And months went by, trying for a baby. Went we finally went to our doctor, she’d told us why it was so hard, it could take us years she’d said.

Harry came home that day dejected, and left me feeling like a failure. I think it tore us up.

“You wanted a baby so fucking bad and when I couldn’t, it made me feel like a complete failure. And I told you that! And you did absolutely nothing to make me feel better. You held it against me, Harry! You didn’t even try to tell me it was okay.”

“It’s not so fucking simple,” he says, his cheeks flushed pink. Maybe it was anger, or maybe it was embarrassment from being confronted with an ugly truth.

“It is. And now you’ve upgraded to a newer model, maybe her version comes with a fertile womb.” I take the cheap shot.

He doesn’t say anything though. And I don’t know why that hurts more than knowing he’d fallen for another woman while he was still married to me. My best friend in the whole world had just broken my heart into a million irrevocable pieces.

“It’s a bunch of things Y/N,” he finally says. “That’s just part of it. We’re not...we’re just not working!”

“Did you even try to make it work?” I ask, swiping my sleeve across my face. “Did you ever think how I felt? How you made me feel Harry? You’ve been slipping away from me without talking to me-” I break off. I couldn’t speak through the heartbreak, the thunderstorm of grief threatens to consume me and my sobs are the only thing that manages to come out.

“I never wanted to hurt you,” Harry tries to place a hand on my shoulder but I jerk away, moving to sit on the edge of the bathtub. “Y/N...”

“Just go,” I say through the tears.

“We can talk more about this later-”

"Just go,” I say louder.

Harry’s phone rings again from the bedroom and he sighs. But he leaves me, crying on the bathroom floor. The sadness that was always in my peripheral consumes me. I’d carried this sadness for a long time--ever since I found out my mum was sick, the sadness plagued me. I’d neatly packed it up once I decided to move forward with my life like my mum would want me to, but now it comes back tenfold, marrying the grief of losing Harry like this. And I stay on the floor crying my grief away for hours, eventually crawling into bed and sleeping the daylight away.

When I wake, it’s 6 and Harry isn’t home. I take that as a sign and get up to pack up a few things. I call my sister who still lived in London then, and crash on her couch, staying there for a few weeks and ignoring any call or text from Harry. When I need to go back, for my things, I find him sleeping on the couch with the TV on, something I always found endearing. But I can’t afford to dwell on how much it hurt seeing him like that.

He must have woken from the noise because when he finds me, he tries to stop me and tell me that we still needed to talk.

“About what?” I ask, just tired now. Too many tears shed and too many hours laying awake thinking about the exact moment we went wrong.

“Us,” Harry looked tired too. He was probably throwing himself into his work with nothing like me to hold him back, I think bitterly. His girlfriend had probably already been to our house--his house.

“What about us?” I barely look at him as I begin folding away all my clothes.

“I don’t know,” Harry sits on the bed. “Don’t you want to talk?”

“I’ve got nothing to say, do you?”

Harry sighs, “I don’t know.”

“Nice talk then,” I say, shoving the rest of my things in just so I could get out.

“I just want you to know I care about you Y/N, I don’t want to hurt you.” He says as I pack.

“It doesn’t matter anymore. If you cared about me, and you didn’t want to hurt me you wouldn’t have done this to us.”

“I wasn’t trying to--I didn’t mean to go and fall for someone else-”

“Just stop,” I cut him off. I couldn’t hear it, how the man I loved fell for someone else. I couldn’t break down here. Again.

He said he cared but it didn’t feel that way. It hurt more than I wished to admit. He knew what I’d been through and he still betrayed me, tossed my heart like it was replaceable. The cut he left in me ran deep.

As I leave he tries to talk to me, but I barrel past him. He still reaches for me and pulls me into a hug, I struggle against him but he’s too strong. He wraps me in his arms until I go still but it’s too much. A sob escapes me, and this time he lets me push him off and leave, my bag banging into my hips every time I take a step. As soon as I got into my Uber, I can’t stop crying. There was an infinite pool of tears where Harry was involved.

3 years ago:

My trust and my heart had been been lost in the war between Harry and I. It only took him a month to mail my divorce papers which sat collecting dust on my dining table until he showed up at work one day and demanded I sign them by the end of that week. I’d taken the day off the day I mailed those in, mourning the end of something that was once so safe and beautiful.

When a close friend calls me on a warm July afternoon, I don’t consider her warning that I shouldn’t check Instagram. That I still had Harry’s friends on my list. I open Instagram before she can tell me why, and see it. Harry was getting married, again. To the woman he gave up on us for. I try to zoom in on a picture without liking it, she was pretty...and blonde. She looked familiar--probably from his office. It didn’t take him long.

It was like someone had taken a retractor to the wound I thought had finally scabbed over. The physical proof that Harry had moved on is just the salt on the wound.

I cry myself to sleep that night.

2 Years ago;

The guy in front of me drones on about his job, mansplaining to me how a mortgage worked as if I wasn’t in finance myself. I excuse myself to use the restroom, checking my phone to see a text from my sister. She’d moved to Scotland this year, to where her husband was from, and I’d missed her terribly in the last year.

A little birdie told me your demon-ex just got divorced 🥂

I stare at the screen, chest feeling tight. I felt vindicated somehow, but I also felt a small bit of sadness. What a fuck-up.

Good for him I had texted back. A part of me wanted him to hurt the way he hurt me.

I went back to my date with a renewed enthusiasm. I’d ordered more wine and got so drunk he was actually interesting enough to take home.

About 1 year ago

“Y/N,” a voice from my past says, one that haunted me some nights. I turn as I exit the shop I was just in. I blink at the sight before me, Harry in a vest and hat. He realises what I’m staring at and laughs awkwardly. “I’m in uniform.”

“You’re...police?” I look up to his face finally. He hadn’t aged a day, although the hat he wears makes him look a little silly.

“Yeah I joined the force uhm...almost 4 years ago now...law didn’t really suit me.”

I know what he was doing, trying to find a baseline to have a conversation. But he was dead to me, and I didn’t want to invite him back in when I was finally forgetting about him.

"Seems like you dropped a lot of dead-weight four years ago.”

I watch his face fall as he realises I wasn’t going to pretend to be friendly.

“Seems that way to you,” he says cautiously. “But that’s not how it happened.”

I shrug. “So. I heard about the divorce. Must’ve been hard being put through that.”

I knew I was being petty, obviously I never got the closure I want (according to my therapist) and I wasn’t over him hurting me the way he did (also according to my therapist). This was how I got my peace, and it wasn’t the best version of me but it was the only one I knew how to be right now.

“Yep,” he crosses his arms over his chest. “So, are you seeing anyone?”

He knew I wasn’t, I don’t know how but the way he stoops to my level I know he knows I hadn’t had a long term relationship since him.

“Not at the moment,” I say awkwardly. “Just focusing on my job...trying to get this promotion.”

“Sorry,” he seems to shake off whatever had come over him. “That was...nosy, I shouldn’t have asked.”

Having him be the bigger person sets something off in me, like there was an anger-bomb inside my mind where he lived and knowing that he was doing okay enough to be able to be the bigger person disrupts this calm I was trying to keep.

“Maybe you shoudn’t have stopped me to ask anything at all. We don’t have anything to talk about anyway.”

I turn around and start to walk away but he catches up, “I wasn’t trying to upset you-”

“Well you have a way of doing that. Please just leave me alone Harry.”

He huffs beside me, “After all this time, can’t we just bloody talk like two adults?”

I freeze and turn to him slowly. He seems to sense this was the wrong thing to say because he takes a step back. “After all this time? Are you serious? I was the one you left behind Harry when you went off to lives your best lift Harry. We’re not living the same life, and we’re not coming from the same bloody place. Don’t fucking patronize me and ask me to talk to you like an adult when you bring out the worst part of me. I meant what I said: I want you to leave me alone. And you know what, if we ever run into each other again, just don’t even talk to me. Pretend you don’t know me. I want nothing to do with you.”

He opens his mouth but his partner calls him from the shop’s entrance. He stays silent, letting me go. As soon as I turn the street corner I rush the rest of the way to the tube, collapsing into a seat and trying to sort out my breathing. It was a shitty feeling, knowing someone was going to be in your life forever because you shared so much history that even when that part of your life ended they were still there. There was so much apart of me, around me, that reminded me of him. And it felt so lonely carrying that around. I wanted to be done with him, I wanted my heart to purge him out. But it couldn’t stop carrying him around everywhere I go.

[jeserai]

twitter poll said to post some of chapter 5 because i don't know when i'll finish it so....happy holigays

As quickly and quietly as she can, Adora throws off the covers, slips on the closest pair of shoes she can find, and runs downstairs. Her heart is in her throat as she throws the door open, and though she tries to bite back her pleased smile, it comes back full force when she sees Catra standing there with a box of doughnuts.

“Hey, Adora,” Catra drawls. “Gonna invite me in?”

“Yes! I mean—yes. Oh god, my room is a mess, can you wait outside while—”

“Adora, I promise your messy room is not going to scare me off.”

Adora chews on her lip for a moment before nodding and stepping aside to allow Catra to brush passed her. “Okay, but you have to be quiet, Bow and Glimmer are still sleeping.”

“I have to be quiet, huh?” Catra glances over her shoulder and leers, cackling as Adora rolls her eyes. But despite the innuendo, Catra is obediently quiet as she allows Adora to guide her through the apartment and to her room. Once inside, Catra easily sits in the middle of Adora’s unmade bed as if it’s her own before slowly scanning the room with a critical eye. And the mess of clothes on the floor and books scattered across her desk really must not bother her, because when her gaze comes to rest on Adora—who is standing against the closed door, lip caught between her teeth—Catra smiles.

And then Catra turns that critical eye onto her, and Adora realizes with a shock that she has Catra here, in her room, on her bed. And then, when the corners of Catra’s lips twitch up into another leering grin, Adora realizes with another shock of embarrassment that she hasn’t shaved her legs, and that she’s not wearing a bra. She opens her mouth to speak, but Catra beats her to it.

“Are those...unicorn pajamas?”

Adora glances down at her pajamas and sees that yes, they are. “Oh my god. I literally hate you.” Still a little self-conscious, Adora snatches a hoodie from the floor and tugs it on before joining Catra on the bed.

“You can’t hate me, I’m your girlfriend,” Catra teases, and as Adora feels her cheeks heat up, she rolls her eyes. It’s barely been a week since they went to the diner and Catra’s teased her to death already; she can tell that Catra is never going to let that one go.

“Girlfriend or not, I still hate you.”

Catra widens her eyes in faux shock before pressing a hand to her heart, the picture of betrayal. “Even when I brought you breakfast? I’m hurt, Adora.”

“Fine, fine. You can stay only if you got—”

“Your favorite blueberry cake doughnut? What do you take me for, of course I got it.”

“Good, you can stay then.”

Catra snorts and leans back on her hands, shaking her head in amusement as she watches Adora take a careful bite of her doughnut. “So what you’re saying is that all I’m worth is one doughnut, Sideris? Harsh.”

Adora shrugs and mirrors Catra’s pose. Catra’s grin is infectious and Adora suddenly feels bold enough to tease back, just a little. “Maybe so, Leos.”

“Anyway—why were you up?”

“I mean, I get up at 5:45 every day before school—” Catra makes a disgusted noise— “so I can get to the gym by 6:15. And now my body is used to waking up early, so I guess I just...woke up.”

“Ugh, I forgot you’re one of those.” and when Adora makes a face, Catra elaborates, “You’re a gym rat.”

“I am not—” Okay, so maybe she is. “I just like being in shape, there’s nothing wrong with that.”

“There’s nothing wrong with being in shape,” Catra agrees, “but there is definitely something wrong about going to the gym at six in the morning.”

“Say what you will—why were you up, if it wasn’t to go to the gym?”

“Maybe I just missed my lovely girlfriend, and I wanted to bring her breakfast.”

“Wow, she must be so lucky: a visit from Catra Leos with breakfast!”

“I know, anyone would be lucky to have me.” And—yeah. Catra would be nice to date: she’s fun, she’s pretty, and of course, she’s rich; she’s kind in her own way, and far more attentive than Adora had initially thought, and…

Yeah.

Anyone would be lucky to have her.

“Um.” Adora tucks a lock of hair behind her ear and shifts, crossing her legs to sit more comfortably. When she glances back up, Catra is watching her, attentive as ever, and Adora shrugs. “I don’t know. Thank you, that’s all.”

“Don’t thank me, I didn’t do anything. If anything, it should be me thanking you for accepting my deal in the first place.”

“Catra, you—why did you need—”

“Adora,” Catra interrupts, “I’ll tell you. I promise I will, just...not now. Not yet. I want...this, just for a little bit longer.”

And Adora knows she could push, but she doesn’t. “How long can you stay?”

“How long do you want me?”

Adora’s breath catches in her throat and she glances up through her bangs at Catra to find her looking back, her gaze intense and startlingly serious. “I—I don’t know,” she says, and Catra laughs.

“Of course you don’t, princess. Now come here.”

“Hey.” Catra lets go of Adora’s hand to cup her cheeks with both hands, forcing their gazes to lock. She looks so serious that Adora feels her knees begin to buckle, and she blindly reaches out to hold Catra by the waist just to ground herself. “I’m not going anywhere if you don’t want me too, Adora.”

Adora doesn’t know why, but she longs to tuck her face in Catra’s neck, to breathe in that warm lavender and pine scent again, to be selfish and say that she wants Catra to stay forever. She doesn’t.

“I can’t ask you to stay if you don’t want to…”

“I want to.” And Catra’s voice is firm, without an ounce of hesitation, and that’s—

Adora gives into the urge and sighs out a breath against the curve of Catra’s neck as her eyes flutter shut; Catra stiffens against her but then relaxes after a long few seconds. Her hands fall to Adora’s waist, holding her loosely, and Adora feels more than hears her shaky sigh.

“I don’t really know what I’m doing here,” Adora confesses. She knows that she’s mumbling and that Catra probably can’t understand her, but after a moment, Catra hums low under her breath, so Adora continues. “I’ve...never done this, any of it. I’ve never been in a real relationship before, I don’t know what I’m doing.”

“If it helps, I haven’t either.” Catra’s voice is quiet, and Adora pushes back just enough to look up at her in surprise.

“Really?”

Catra scoffs now, and though she rolls her eyes, she still keeps Adora held close in her arms. “Don’t act so surprised, princess.”

And a bit of that stiffness is coming back, so Adora tucks her face back in Catra’s neck and shrugs. “We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.”

Almost immediately, Catra leans her head against Adora’s, tightening her grip as she murmurs, “Thanks.”

And then it hits Adora, that they’re still in the middle of the park, embracing like lovers cast adrift, and— “This is confusing though,” she whispers, “all of the touching, and the flirting.”

“Do you want me to stop?”

“No! I mean—no, you don’t have to stop. I’m not bothered by it or anything, it’s just confusing. Because we do all of this, but it’s just—it’s not real, and that confuses me. I promise it doesn’t bother me though.”

“Tell me if that changes,” Catra says, and it’s more of a demand than a question. Adora nods, then very reluctantly pulls away, focusing on the ground again as her cheeks begin to flush pink. When she glances up, she finds Catra staring at her with an expression so tender that Adora feels her heart stutter.

“What?”

Catra opens her mouth, then closes it, reconsiders. “I’m just—very grateful to have met you, Adora. I know I keep saying that I’ll tell you things later, but...I want to tell you. I never want to tell anyone, Adora.”

Adora’s heart skips a beat again and she presses a hand to her heart as if to steady it. Catra gives her a knowing little grin, but instead of teasing her, she just reaches out and links their fingers together again.

"Holy shit, Adora."

Adora startles and then laughs as she connects Catra's wide-eyed gaze to her abs. She's proud of them, has spent hours upon hours at the gym to sculpt her body to the way it is now. And she may not be lean and wiry like Catra, but she loves what's become of her body. "Like you said, I'm a gym rat."

"No kidding," Catra breathes. "Why don't you show these off more?"

"I…"

"Hey," Catra says, gentle again, "what did we promise?"

"I don't have to force myself to tell you." And then, quietly, "Thanks."

"Of course, princess. I'm still learning too."

"It's not—I just don't want my back to show."

Catra makes a quiet noise of acknowledgement, turns to the clothes on the rack and hands over a crop top and shorts. "Try this on, and put the flannel back on over it."

Adora nods and robotically starts to change. Now that the shock of having Catra so close has worn off, this is just like the hundreds of times she's had to change in the locker room. And it's not even like Catra is looking; she's on her phone, and more than that, she's twisted away so she isn't facing Adora at all.

"I'm done." Adora resists the urge to close the flannel around her exposed stomach, and Catra grins.

"Look at you! Do you like it?"

"I don't know if I could wear it, but…yeah, I do."

"It suits you," Catra agrees, "could go with something smaller though, show off those abs more."

"...How small were you thinking?"

Small, as it turns out. Just a bandeau, blazer and shorts, and Adora...she likes the way it looks. Just—"It'd look better on you."

"Everything looks good on me," Catra agrees with a playful grin, "but you look good. I mean it, Adora."

"Okay, okay, what next?"

What's next is a velvet crop top that Adora knows she could never wear. Catra slips out as Adora frowns at herself in the mirror and returns with something small and lacy, winking at Adora as she peels her own shirt over her head. And.

"You're gorgeous," Adora blurts out.

Catra just blinks at her a few times, but when she processes Adora's words she ducks her head down, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear. "Thank you."

She's so cute, Adora can't help thinking, even as Catra tosses the tiny scrap of white to her. Adora averts her gaze as Catra unbuttons her pants and quickly takes her bralette off to put the one Catra got her on. This one is—nice. And comfortable, soft and pretty. She doesn't think she'd ever have the courage to wear it for someone, but then she turns around, and, well.

She's wearing it for Catra, isn't she?

Catra has changed too, and the bodysuit looks unfairly good on her. She knows herself all too well and wears things like this so easily, but, Adora figures, if she had Catra's confidence, she'd do the same.

"What are you thinking so hard about, princess?"

"Just...you make this seem so easy. I couldn't ever wear that."

"Do you want to know my secret?"

When Adora nods, Catra laughs and turns to the mirror, frowning at herself before meeting the reflection of Adora's gaze. "I have to be confident in myself if I want anyone else to be. I had to attend board meetings and inspections and conferences for as long as I can remember, and that was one of the first things I learned."

"It...may not mean much, but I believe in you."

Catra turns around to face Adora again, and Adora's heart aches at the bright smile that spreads across her lips. "Thanks, princess.”

[cozykhaos]

A New Sun. Part 4

The sky was fading to a pink lemonade when we were finishing up. Robin had made several trips back to her shop to drop off the wood and stone.

“We are going to clear a path down to south tomorrow,” dad said wiping his brow with his shirt sleeve.

“I’ll make sure to stop by then!” Robin beamed and patted the trucks side. “You guys have replied my stores until the winter.” Her eyes happened to wonder to my small garden and sad stone outline. “I’ll make you a fence in return for all of this.”

I glanced behind my shoulder at stones. “You don’t have to do that, but I won’t say no.”

Before Robin could answer, Sam came running through the field, screaming my name at the top of his lungs, arms outstretched. Abigail strolled behind him, laughing with her hands in her pockets. I was wrapped up in my second bone cracking hug of the day. Sam lifted me off the ground and spun me around. “Kit is back!” Sam sang as he placed me on the ground. Dad’s hand went to my elbow to steady me.

“Wow! Look at this place!” Abigail looked around the field. “You can walk now!”

“It is much better,” Sam nodded, then looked at the house. “Is it safe to live in there?”

“Sam!” Abigail smacked his chest with the back of her hand. I looked at Robin who was grinning ear to ear.

“I’m just saying, that looks like something from a horror movie!” Sam raised his hands to block another blow. “One day we will walk in to find Kit upside down on the ceiling trying to summon Cthulhu or something!”

“For the love of Yoba,” Sebastian groaned from beside me.

“I am just saying,” Sam crossed his arms over his chest.

“It’s safe Sam,” I giggled. “We stayed last night, nothing went bump in the night.” No, nothing had gone bump. It had been so quite I awoke from the silence. So, used to my city noises that the quite had pressed in on me. Then, I remembered the little creature on my front step. So small and the color of spring water, making the noise of jingle bells. Had that been a dream?

No.

A voice in my head spoke. I blinked. Once. Twice. That defiantly wasn’t one of the usual voices in there.

“Kit?” Dad looked at me, a frown on his face. “You okay Sunshine?”

“Yeah, I think I’m just exhausted,” I made a show of yawning and then stretching out my tired muscles.

“You guys have done a lot the past couple of days,” Robin nodded and looked around the farm again. “I’m surprised you haven’t gone to the hot springs.”

“Hot springs?” My dad and I said in unison.

“Yeah, behind the house, by the railroad track,” Robin was frowning. “You never went?”

I shook my head no.

“I think that is the one part of the Valley we never showed Kit,” Abigail shrugged.

“And now a homeless dude lives in the building to the hot spring,” Sam rolled his eyes.

“What!?!” Dad looked from Robin, to Sam, to me.

Sebastian let out a long sigh. “His name is Linus and he is harmless.”

Robin nodded. “He has lived in the Valley for a couple of years now. Keeps to himself. He stays inside the building during the winter when it snows. He lives in a tent behind our house.”

Dad looked at Robin, suddenly they were having a silent conversation between them, something between two parents. Finally, he nodded.

“How about it then Sunshine, want to check out this hot spring?”

               We had said our goodbyes and walked towards the mountains, Robin and Sebastian driving past and waving. We walked in silence, my dad glancing at the tent to the far right of us as we walked past. A small fire burned, but all was quite again.

I stepped into the women’s changing room, the hum of the air conditioner greeted me. I passed by lockers, a long mirror and vanity, a community shower. Finally, through the door and into the hot spring. A thick fog lazed around the room and my mind already became clouded with sleep as the heat pressed in. Did appeared on the other side and he blinked, his eyes already drooping. Neither one of us had bothered to change into swimsuits, just kicked off our shoes and submerged ourselves in the warm water.

The muscles in my body gradually unclenched, the dirt that had been ground into my skin loosened. Next to my father sighed. “This was a good idea.”

I nodded, eyes closed as my body relaxed. I tilted back and rested my head on the side of the rocks and let my body float.

“Kit, are you going to be okay here?” Dad asked. His voice was further away now.

“I think so,” I said through a yawn.

“And if you need ANYTHING –“ he started but I cut him off.

“If I need anything I will go to Robin, or Mayor Lewis. You’re three hours away now dad, not 20 minutes.”

“What, no running to Sebastian?” I could hear the grin in his voice. I opened my eyes and stared at him, that familiar blush creeping into my cheeks. “Kit and Sebastian sitting in a tree!” Dad sang loudly, his voice echoing off the stones.

“Ugh!” I groaned and sank down into the water.

“Kit, you’re an adult now. I know you are going to have boyfriends and you have lived on your own for some time. What you do behind closed doors-“

“LALALALA. I CAN’T HEAR YOU!” I shoved my fingers in my ears and stood, retreating up the steps. I snatched a towel we brought off a stool and wrapped it around me. Dad was letting out big bellowing laughs now. I snatched up my shoes and walked out, dad’s laughter echoing behind me.

               “Holy shit.” I was laying on the ground in my field. Staring at the little bud of green that had sprouted overnight. “You were nothing but a little seed yesterday.”

“Is this what’s going to happen when I leave, you will start talking to the plants?” Dad was staring down at me.

“I actually read that it is good to talk to your plants. Something about the carbon dioxide in your breath.” I got back up and watered the rest of tilled earth.

“Speaking of, I’m leaving this afternoon,” he stared at me, judging for a reaction.

“I know,” I nodded. “You have clients back at home and the poker game on Friday. I know how much you love to lose your money.”

A smile bloomed across my father’s face. “That’s your inheritance!”

“At this point all I’m going to get is a pack of gum.”

“That’s the MacKenzie Family Gum! It has been in our family for generations!” He was pointing at me in false anger. “You should be proud!”

“It still has flavor even after all this time,” I let out a long dreamy sigh.

“Damn right it does.”

We both glanced at each before doubling over in laughter. Dad wiped a tear from his eye. “I’m going to miss you Sunshine.”

“I’m going to miss you too.”

We would shed tears later, I know I would. That night after he left, I laid in bed and let the tears roll down my cheeks. It was different moving out of the house and into ZuZu city, dad had lived 20 minutes away and I could see him any time.

When I finally fell asleep that night, it was to the sound of little bells.

               The next couple of days went by quickly and Friday after I found myself at the end of the pier with Abigail. Laying back, eyes closed and feet dangling in the water. My work for the day was done, deciding to take it easy and after the crops were taken care of, I went off into town to find my friend.

“Are you coming to the bar tonight?” Abigail asked. She was leaned back on her elbows, face pointed towards the sun. We hadn’t of brought sunscreen, her alabaster skin was already turning pink.

“I don’t know, maybe,” I hummed.

“Everyone will be there,” she teased, putting strain on the word ‘everyone’. I know full well that she was referring to a certain someone.

I had never gone to the bar on Friday when I stayed during the summers. My grandfather had always opted to stay home, so I stayed as well. We would watch the weather channel, then ‘Livin’ Off the Land!’. Or we would go fishing. That was probably my favorite. Just the two of us, under the night sky that reach into oblivion, our polls and nothing but the sound of insects. I smiled at the memory. A sharp jab at my side with my finger caused me to open my eyes and snarl at her. “What?”

“Come on, you have to come!” She whined.

“Fine! I’ll be there!” I sat up and stretched out then rubbed my side. “Ow, by the way.”

Abigail smirked. “We meet up at 6 o’clock.”

[blaindersonkummel]

Klaine Fic: A Dizzy Twister Dance

Written for Day 4 of Klaine Advent 2017 Prompt: “Drink”

Summary: Blaine feels terrible, but he simply cannot miss his dance exam at NYADA today. He's just going to have to pull through it - hopefully with the help of Cassie July's gorgeous teaching assistant.

Word Count: 2000 - Read on AO3.

Blaine was dying.

Okay, that was slightly dramatic, even for him.

But if someone were to ask him, “Hey Blaine, how you feelin’ today?”

His response would have to be somewhere along the lines of, “I’m dying.”

However, it didn’t matter that Blaine had woken up this morning with a pounding headache, a scratchy throat, and a thrumming heart rate; Even if he was dying, he had to get to today’s class.

After the results Cassie July had given him for his last semester in dance class, Blaine was truly feeling the pressure on this, the morning of his practice examination. Okay, so it wasn’t his final graded performance today, but Cassie was known amongst students for making her mind up about eventual grade decisions based on how well they did on this day.

Blaine felt queasy as he let the subway car he rode to NYADA rock him from side to side, leaning his forehead against a poll he was certain contained the kinds of germs that made him so ill in the first place. He hadn’t even eaten any breakfast this morning but that wouldn’t stop him spewing up on the poor unsuspecting old lady sat in front of him unless he could get off soon. Luckily, his stop was next.

‘You only need to be here for a couple hours, then you can crawl back home to bed and wallow in self-pity again’ he told himself as he all but fell out of the subway doors and made his way to class.

~

“Listen up, rejects! We’ve got a lot to get through today, so I want to keep to a tight schedule as we do this. Am I clear?”

There was a faint mumble from the group but no clear answer. Blaine could barely keep his eyes open, let alone answer the question. At the front of the class, Cassie July looked highly affronted.

“Excuse me?” she asked menacingly. “AM?” *BANG* “I?” *BANG* “CLEAR?” *BANG*. She brought her dance instructor’s stick down hard on the floor after every word, to wake everyone up and get their attention. All it did was make Blaine’s head pound even more.

“Yes, Miss July,” the class all but sing-songed together in a manner befitting pre-schoolers, not college kids.

“Okay,” she abruptly turned and walked to the stereo set up in the corner. “Now, first thing’s first, we’re gonna start with a ten-minute warm up, and then I’ll call you in alphabetically, in groups of four or five, to do your individual assessments.”

Blaine’s heart dropped at that word. Alphabetical. That meant some serious cursing on his part that his mother ever agreed to take his father’s surname all those years ago. It means he will now most definitely be in the first group to perform. He didn’t think it was possible, but the room began to spin a little more.

“Also supporting me today will be my junior assistant from this year who I know some of you may be unfamiliar with if you had classes with Laura this semester. So for those who don’t know, this is Kurt Hummel.”

She gestured over to the man next to her who gave a small smile and raised his hand in greeting.

Just like that, Blaine’s headache seemed to dull but his heartrate also picked up exponentially. Ahhh, Kurt Hummel. Sweet, gorgeous, muscled, older, tank-top wearing dancer, Kurt Hummel. Yet another reason for Blaine to drag himself out of bed this morning.

The man was a Greek god and Blaine was pretty sure Kurt was put on this earth to make dance class that little bit more bearable for him. Blaine certainly wasn’t immune to the guy’s oblivious flirting and (on the odd occasion) eye-fucking he directed at Blaine in class warmups; usually when Blaine was bent into a strange yoga-like pose with his ass in the air or his foot up on the barre.

Kurt was also so very kind and sweet to Blaine on the few occasions they’d interacted, which usually ended in Blaine doing something stupid like snort-giggling at his own joke or tripping over his words. Kurt’s ability to humour Blaine’s flaws only made Blaine crush that little bit harder on the guy who was senior to him in both age and position at NYADA.

Blaine was pulled out his moony-eyed staring at Kurt as the warm up music began playing through the sound system and everyone around him was moving to find their own area in the dance studio.

‘Okay. Focus, Blaine. You only have to make it through this class and then you’re done.’

Blaine tried as hard as he could to follow Cassie’s directions and keep up with her speed and position as she moved from one stretch to another and from one dance move to the next. By the end of the first phase of the warm up, Blaine’s temperature was quickly rising and he used the few seconds of interlude between songs to hurriedly unzip his hoody and throw it off to the side somewhere.

The room really was spinning now and when he turned back to get in line, he caught eyes with Kurt who was looking at him rather concernedly.

“Are you okay?” Kurt mouthed to him from the sidelines.

Was Blaine okay? Honest answer: No. He felt awful. Was he about to let Kurt think that?

“I’m fine,” Blaine mouthed back, trying for a smile which probably looked painful.

Kurt didn’t look all that convinced as the music faded in to a new routine and Blaine worked to pick up the speed. When Cassie eventually had them all exhausted, she called for time as everyone stopped to catch their breath and wipe away the sweat before their upcoming individual performances.

As Blaine stood in place, he suddenly found it hard to keep his head up. Bending at the waist, hands on his knees and head hanging down, Blaine panted for air and desperately willed his heart rate to slow down and the room to stop spinning.

“Blaine?” Kurt called, making his way through the group towards him, concern in his voice.

Just as Blaine was about to lift his head and reassure Kurt he was fine, the room seemed to turn a whole 360 degrees as his vision went black and he heard Kurt shout his name.

~

“Woah man, is he okay?”

“Oh well, that’s one less person to compete against today.”

“Miss July, should I call the medic?”

“Ugh, Fat Ass has probably been skipping meals. That’s why he fainted.”

Blaine only dimly registered these voices swirling around his foggy mind from above him. He felt something solid underneath him and suddenly seemed to realise he was lying on the wooden floor of the dance studio.

“Ooh, Mr. Hummel, I think he’s awake.”

“Oh, thank god. Blaine? Blaine, it’s Kurt.”

Kurt? Kurt was there. Instantly, Blaine felt pressure on the side of his face and neck. A hand. And a thumb stroking his cheekbone.

“Can you hear me, Blaine? If you can, just give me a little squeeze.”

Suddenly Blaine found one of his limp hands being entwined with Kurt’s and he made sure to squeeze with all the energy he had.

“That’s great, Blaine. Can you sit up at all? Open your eyes?”

Groggily, Blaine’s eyelids fluttered open and he was greeted with a rather disconcerting sight of Kurt leaning right over him and half a dozen students standing around him. The shock was enough to make Blaine want to bolt upright, but Kurt’s hand seemed to slowly steady him as he helped Blaine gently ease himself up.

Kurt was knelt next to him, still holding on to his hand as Blaine moved his other palm to his forehead – the migraine from earlier lessening but not going away.

“Okay guys, he’s alright. Can we give him some space now? Miss July has just come back in so go get back in formation,” Kurt said, waiting for them to follow commands.

The group of dancers turned on their heels with a grumble of indignation, but not before the rudest one of the bunch made a comment about Blaine landing on his fat ass – intending for him to hear it. Blaine blushed a fair amount and Kurt shot the girl a filthy look before turning back to Blaine.

“For the record, I’d say I owe a great debt of gratitude to that ass of yours, then,” he winked as he said it and Blaine found himself blushing even more.

“Oh!” Kurt suddenly dropped his smirk as he leant behind to pull something out of a supply bag. “Here! Take this.”

Kurt had produced an energy drink from one of the bag pockets as he unscrewed the cap and handed it to Blaine.

“Drink up!” he indicated to the bottle as Blaine put it to his lips, still in a bit of a daze. “I can’t let you go fainting on me again, huh?”

It wasn’t until he started drinking that Blaine realised how dehydrated and hungry he was, finishing half of the liquid in one go.

“Ahhh,” he exhaled after his gulp, “thank you.”

“It’s no problem.”

There was a somewhat awkward pause here as Kurt didn’t really know what else to say, so Blaine just took another sip and waited.

“Okay,” Kurt sighed, “So it looks like your assessment isn’t going to go ahead today now. Cassie even said to me she’ll find room for you to do it by yourself on another day. So, for now, you have the rest of class off.”

Blaine heaved a sigh of relief. Thank god Cassie wasn’t going to make him do his performance today. He didn’t think he would make it through if not.

“The problem now is, I don’t think you should be going back home on your own quite yet. You still look a little pale.”

Not to lie, Blaine did still feel pretty terrible. What felt worse, however, was having Kurt (always pristine and amazing Kurt) seeing him looking far from put together like this.

“If I didn’t have to help Cassie out, I totally would have offered to come home with you an-“

Now it seemed it was Kurt’s turn to blush. Blaine couldn’t help it when he started to giggle and had to cover his mouth. Kurt looked somewhat embarrassed for a few seconds before he too chuckled a little.

“It’s okay, Kurt, really. Maybe I can just wait for my room mate to finish classes and I’ll go back home with him.”

Kurt was ready to accept this when he asked, “So what time does he finish?”

“Oh, not until 5pm today. But it’s fine, I can wait in the library.”

Kurt’s affronted look indicated to them both that he was so ready to argue, neither of them noticed Cassie had made her way over, coming to stand towering above them both. Crossing her arms, she interrupted whatever Kurt was about to say.

“Look, Hummel. Here’s the deal. I know you wanna jump the kid’s bones so badly you’re gonna pop a boner in class one day. And Anderson, I know you would climb that like a tree in an instant,” she jerked her thumb towards Kurt here. “So just take the lesson off, Kurt. I’m fine. I can manage on my own. Take the poor kid home. And Blaine, I’ll e-mail you with a new assessment date this afternoon. Don’t worry about it.”

With that, she turned her back to return to the class as they were finishing up the routine she’d left them rehearsing.

Kurt and Blaine seemed to find themselves in stunned silence for a moment before an exchange of looks and a small smile told them all they needed to know. It was about time they got out of here.