#this one went through like 3 revisions cause I absolutely hated how it looked

[phenikas]

"He's put you on his leash, treats you like his pet. You really don't see that?" "That's not- he's not like that. We're just really close." "...Really?"

[lovebvni]

hey!! shiv here!! you’re so spot on it’s scary really!! i feel like you tapped into my brain for the reading. Let’s break this down!!

1. just be is my motto. When everything fails, i just fall back to this. Nothing to get, nothing to do. Just be. Never fails me. So i’m happy to know i’m on the right path🥹

2. i want my void to be pink in colour🤭 and i have been feeling really good while doing pysch-k?? helps me accept the fact entirely that i’ll enter/wake up in the void.

3. I keep myself entertained lol!!! before i attempt to tap in the void i listen to a bunch of songs to feel light and brush off the nerves and thoughts! sometimes i even like to imagine myself safe cuddled up in bed lol (can u tell i’m deprived of physical touch lol)

4. I’m really shocked how you could see the childhood aspect too cause my earliest memory of my life is my parents fighting and my mom being really upset and i remember the helpless feeling lingering on (cause she’d just look at me and cry when i’d ask her what’s wrong) when i enter the void, i’m not saying i want the perfect parents but just parents that are sort of easy to be around. I really am not my actual self around them. I’m always holding my breath around them. I have accepted the fact that i’m not gonna be one of those kids that have a close and emotionally safe connection w their parents. It’s okay. I just don’t want to feel the need like i’m constantly walking on eggshells around them and my mom to be more independent. These are the tweaks i think you were referring to? i wasn’t thinking about this aspect a lot but i guess during the day, i still have this thought at the back of my mind and maybe that’s why you picked it up?

ALSO TRIGGER WARNING: SA!!

idk if it was this but i was assaulted as a child by one of the family members and i was in two minds if i should revise it! i was bitter for soooo long. Hated men, i even stopped listening to male artists for a while. (it’s so weird but the aftermath of what happened to me as a child is showing up now as an adult) but i am done w all of that. I have made my peace with it and as much as i hate how cliche this is gonna sound but the kind of person i have turned out to be, i wouldn’t want to change it just to be “perfect” so i won’t be revising it. I’m sorry if this upset you or anyone.

I hope i can enter the void soon and share my success story with you (please send good energy my way lol, it’s just the thought that counts really🤭🫶🏼)

Big big love to anyone and everyone reading this and going through just about anything in life. If it’s great then i only hope it’s greater for you and if it’s going absolutely shite then i hope it gets less shittier by the second.

and lastly, i think you are really really good! i would love to support your work (when i can afford it) for real! i have never had such a crazy accurate reading before. So thank you🥹 Hope you’re doing good!!!

hii shiv!!! i’m soooo happy ur reading was accurate n resonated a lot!!

when i first typed the word ‘void’ i saw it as a purple colour, vende why it’s purple in ur reading, then as i went on, the more i thought, he more pink it became. i’m pretty sure i got a visual of it too — it’s so pretty <3 like seriously, if u see me in ur void, im just looking!!!

and with ur sa, there may be something you’re still holding onto with that, or some cleansing that should to be done in ur sacral chakra. as someone who went through something similar, literally js imagining good sexual experiences with someone u love helps…. like a lot 😭😭

and i’m always sending positive energy to everyone i get readings too!! i trust n believe u will enter the void soon and it’s gonna be HELLA fun for u <3 i love u sm!!! have fun!! <3

[rosieblogstuff]

your drabble is posted, and your prompt is a dialogue, "i can't believe you're already awake." take it how u must. nefarious or cute? u decide <3

OK IT ONLY TOOK ME 24 HOURS that's not too bad right? 😅

“I can’t believe you’re already awake.”

Mac startles, almost dropping the screwdriver on his foot. It falls to the floor with a clatter that startles him and Bozer both.

“Woah, man.” Leaning against the door frame, Bozer chuckles. “Didn’t mean to sneak up on you.”

“I was just….” Mac waves vaguely at the pile of parts strewn in a half-circle around him on the floor. He frowns. “Sorry, did I wake you?”

“Nah, I always get up at 4:30am.”

“Sorry.” Mac runs one hand through his hair, then drops his hand back down to his lap when he remembers that it’s hiding the stitches along his hairline on his right temple. “I guess I’m still on European time.” He offers his roommate what he knows looks like an innocent half-smile, hoping, like he always does, that Bozer is too tired and too used to Mac’s eccentric hours to really question why he’s tinkering in the middle of the night. That he didn’t hear Mac waking up an hour ago, panicked and certain that it was Jack, not Agent Bannister, who got caught with the Russian nuke and shot on live camera.

Bozer plops himself down on the end of the couch instead, resting his elbow on the armrest and his chin on his fist and just… watching.

Mac picks up the screwdriver, turning it end over end in his hand. “You can go back to bed. I’ll be quiet.”

“You could go back to bed,” Bozer says. “I got a bottle of melatonin. They invented that stuff for traveling.”

Mac can’t help making a face. It might help if time zones were his primary issue, but falling asleep isn’t his current problem. “I’ll take a nap later if I’m tired, but this way I’ll definitely be tired tonight.” Besides, he can’t get up now or Bozer definitely will catch on to how he’s busted up his ankle. It’s sure to have gotten all stiff, sitting here on the floor for an hour.

Bozer yawns and slides down to lay on the couch. “Did I tell you about my latest story revision? Revision twenty-four?”

“Ummm.” Mac searches his memory but can’t remember what version of his script Bozer had mentioned last. Whatever it is, it’s probably in his email, and he probably hasn’t read it because he is a terrible friend. He doesn’t mean to be, and he knows how important stories are to Bozer. But it’s hard to prioritize Bozer’s scripts against the actual world-saving of his actual job.

He taps the screwdriver in the palm of his hand. He’s always wanted to keep Bozer safe from the realities of what goes on at the Phoenix, but he absolutely hates that doing so requires constant lying. And the thing is, he could have made a different choice, back at the beginning. He’s certain Bozer could get a security clearance, but when Thornon had sat him down and discussed all the decisions he needed to make, back in those first months at DXS, he’d thought it wouldn’t be so hard. After all, he hadn’t told Bozer half of what went on in the sandbox. 

But it was so much harder to keep up the constant lying when it was to his best friend’s face, for years and years. And the whole Nikki thing really just brought it all to the surface. 

“It’s okay, Mac.” Bozer sounds resigned, either to Mac’s terrible memory or his inattention, or maybe both. 

“I’m sorry, Boze.” Mac stops himself from running his hand through his hair again. He sighs. “Not that I don’t want to hear about your script but I just—I guess I’ve lost track of the version numbers.”

“Yeah cause you’re exhausted and run down.” Bozer sits up again, giving Mac a look so firmly disapproving that Jack would be proud if he saw it. “C’mon, let’s both go back to our beds.”

“All right,” Mac agrees, putting down the screwdriver. “But, umm, you’re going to have to help me up. I think my foot went to sleep.” He gives his best sheepish grin again as he massages his twisted ankle. 

“Maybe it’s trying to give the rest of you a hint.” Bozer holds out his hands and helps pull Mac up. Mac manages not to wince when the movement tugs at his left shoulder, where the muscles still haven’t fully recovered from getting shot by Nikki’s goon a couple months ago. He manages not to limp too much as they head back down the hall, with Bozer turning off the lights behind them. 

[amysteriousmessenger]

have you ever done rfa headcanons with a stressed out mc? because of like deadlines and stuff? cause that's the state I'm in rn and I need comfort ;-;

this is my second time writing this because my laptop deleted it ;-; I hope this is okay and I added V and Saeran because I’m a saeran simp <3 

RFA + Saeran and V with a Stressed Out Reader Headcanons

Yoosung Kim with a stressed out Reader Headcanons

Yoosung’s in the exact same camp as you, screaming. He spent the entire semester in front of his PC playing LOLOL and getting bullied by Seven, so now his deadline has creeped up on him. Yoosung absolutely understands the stress of a deadline coming at you fast and not being sure as to whether you can complete it in time.

The best thing that Yoosung can do for you is to do his own work. The two of you spend a straight 48 hours in the library, only taking breaks to go home and sleep and get food. You book out a private room and just mutually get your heads down. 

 Yoosung’s actually really smart, he just doesn’t apply himself. If you’re stuck on anything, he’ll try to help you even if he doesn’t know anything about your course. He’ll also run around the library finding you specific textbooks you need if he needs a walk or if he’s on his way back from getting you both a coffee. 

The life of a student is a hard one, but the two of you just keep reminding each other than you just gotta get through this one deadline and then you can sleep and play to your hearts content once again!

Zen/Hyun Ryu with a stressed out Reader Headcanons

It’s times like this that Zen thinks maybe he should have applied himself more in school, or at least got his qualifications, because he feels a little deflated at the fact that he can’t really help you with your work when you need it. He just looks at your laptop and textbooks and draws a blank. He hates seeing you so stressed, and he hates that he’s useless to help even more.

He figured that, if he can’t help you work, the next best thing would be to help you relax afterwards. He tries to keep out of your way, the best he can, but he gets a little sad and feels neglected, so he’s a bit like a puppy when he can sense you’re close to finishing up for the day.

 Zen thinks a nice, hot bubble bath would help you relax best. He’ll run you one when you close your laptop, leading you to the bathroom where he’s already sprinkled some rose petals and sweetly scented body oils into the steamy water. 

He’ll help you in, and then sit on the side of the bath and give your shoulders a rub, commenting on how they must ache after sitting at your desk for so long. It’s no secret that Zen has ~Magic Fingers~ and he massages away the tension in your neck as you melt into the soothing water. 

He’ll hum and sing little songs to you as he does this, finally happy that he can help you in his own special way. Ignore his comments about stress ageing you quicker, he’s just saying it as a pre-emptive measure rather than implying you have stress lines.

Jaehee Kang with a stressed out Reader Headcanons

Jaehee exists in a permanent state of stress, so she entirely understands what it’s like to have to meet deadline after deadline after deadline. If you tell her that you want to sit with her so you can share her concentration and get work done, she’ll put on a fresh pot of coffee. She’s also ready with the eye drops and painkillers for when your eyes get strained, but she’d really rather you not get to the point of needing them. 

Jaehee reminds you that you need to look after yourself, make sure you’re taking breaks and eating enough. She doesn’t want you to follow in her steps of pulling an all-nighter, so she doesn’t disturb you so you can get as much of your work done as possible. If you want her to, she’ll also gently reprimand you when you’re getting distracted or off task. She doesn’t like telling you what you can and can’t do, but she knows it’s going to help you in the long run. 

She’ll aim to get all of her work done at the same time as you, so the two of you can at least have some time to unwind together afterwards. She’ll put your favourite musical (of Zen’s) into the DVD player and you cuddle up with one another in recovery. She’ll also try to pull you in for an early night of sleep since you’ve been staring at a screen all day and doesn’t want you to get a headache. 

Jumin Han with a stressed out Reader Headcanons

Jumin never really gets stressed out over anything. In fact, the only things you’ve ever seen him get stressed about are you and Elizabeth the Third. He doesn’t really have the need or see the point in getting stressed over things, especially deadlines. Jumin will absolutely go off on a speech about correct time management and planning before you have to interrupt him and tell him that that’s not the problem. 

Having a Mensa-level IQ, Jumin’s probably already decently knowledge on your area of study, or offers to pay for you to have a tutor. Jumin’s honestly not the best person to be around when you’re stressed by deadlines because he really can’t relate to the panic, he’s too good at being a businessman that he gets everything done on time or, most usually, early. 

You do have to remind Jumin that not everyone can function and organise themselves as well as he can. 

However, it displeases him to see you stressed so he’ll at least try to help with that since you won’t let him help you academically. He’ll share a bottle of wine with you in the evening after you’ve finished for the day to help take your mind off of your deadline for a bit and will plan a small weekend getaway for the week after your assignment due date to reward you for getting your work done in time and to help you relax. He’ll also book you a spa day in one of C&R’s own establishments so he can guarantee you’re getting the best treatment. 

Saeyoung Choi with a stressed out Reader Headcanons

This man lives with more existential fear than anyone. He knows what it’s like to be Stressed TM. Seven’s an absolute genius with an IQ that could rival Jumin’s if he cared enough, so he’s never had to worry about academic worries, even when he was in University. 

If you ask him to, and maybe even if you didn’t, he’d be willing to hack your college or University’s database in order to either get the essay questions in advance so you know what to revise, or just straight up get the answers. He knows what frightening deadlines are like and he doesn’t want to see you suffer.

If you say that you don’t want him to hack your university because that’s, y’know, illegal, he’ll earnestly take a look at your paper and try to help. Seven has such a weird widespread collection of information in his head that he can just straight up tell you the essay or directly get the research essay that best fits your argument online. You said he can’t hack your university database, you didn’t say he can’t hack other databases for information. 

If you passed out asleep at your desk, you’d absolutely wake up to find your work finished and submitted. Seven will deny doing it, claiming that the alien mothership must have taken your laptop and completed your work, but he has a shit-eating grin plasters on his face and he’s oh-so-innocently fluttering his eyelashes. 

Saeran Choi with a stressed out Reader Headcanons

Saeran never really went to school, so he doesn’t have much experience with academic work but he picks it up very quickly when it comes to helping you!

He brings you hot chocolate and snacks and gives you a kiss on the side of the head every now and then to spur you on. He’ll also try to help you with reading through documents and essays for important information and anything that might be relevant to your course. From his time at Magenta, he’s very good at skimming through large quantities of work and compiling it into shorter documents so he’s absolutely a great person to have helping you. He has a similar IQ to Seven and is a genius in his own right, but he has to apply himself more to knowing about different topics because he’s never really had the opportunity to, but he’s always very interested to know about what you’re studying!

He’s very good at not disturbing you if you need peace and quiet, so he’ll busy himself with cleaning, cooking or going out in the garden so he can leave you without a distraction whilst occasionally dropping in to see how you’re doing and make sure you’re not getting too stressed out.

When you’re done for the day, Saeran will arrange the time to give you a little comfort evening with movies and a snack to make you feel better and help you unwind. 

Ray would absolutely just do your work for you, if you’d let him. He just wants to please you and see you happy, not swallowed up in stress in the same way that he has to be. He’d go without sleeping or eating if it meant helping you. Of course, you’re not going to let him do that, since you want him to rest properly, but he still wants to help. Ray would send you documents and essays when he’s supposed to be working and then exit the tab whenever anyone walks passed his room so he didn’t get caught. He just wants to ease your burden!

V/Jihyun Kim with a stressed out Reader Headcanons

He’s also incredibly smart, but probably wouldn’t have any major knowledge on what is it that you study but he’d help the best way he can. He’s the kinda person that would encourage you to read through the questions several times before you start answering and to not write anything down until you’re fully sure that you understand the source material and what is being asked of you.

He doesn’t like seeing you stressed and he’s helpful by nature so he’d ask if you needed help, and if you say no, he’ll give you space to get on with your work without interruption. V will make you food and bring your lunch with a coffee when it’s time to eat.

Like Jumin, he’d offer to share a bottle of wine to help you unwind when you’re getting too stressed in the evening, and if you can afford to take a break, he’d encourage you to do something creative like painting with him in his studio in order to take your mind off the analytical stuff. It doesn’t have to be good, it just had to help you relax and vent your frustrations!

V gets stiff shoulders when he’s been in the same position for long periods of time painting or waiting to capture a particular image, so he understands the usefulness of a good back rub and he’ll offer you one to loosen up the pressure in the back of your neck when you’re sitting at your desk. He’ll massage his thumbs into your shoulders and plant a little kiss on your lips when you lean your head back to look at him.

[ryttu3k]

Finishing up SoNY, ‘bad’ end and final thoughts!

But first, the early game over.

Wow, she just gets shot. Not even slurped? That’s rude as hell XD;;

And on to the ‘bad’ end!

Beginning is much the same, ofc.

“You’re too in love with weaving a good story and establishing a seductive narrative to let facts get in the way.” Foreshadowing for the ‘good’ end, maybe?

God that Embrace scene gives me literal goosebumps.

Alright! Last time I did Danse Macabre and Retributive Justice, let’s try The Risks of Swiping Right!

lmao god I’d eat this guy too. Back to the ghost club! That legitimately is a really neat scene. ...Ooh yes so that’s where the girl was from.

Panhard just lowkey dying at the mental image of Katherine Weise in a fast food restaurant is so good.

The sweet scene between Julia and Dakota hits a bit different after the ‘good’ end XD;;

Went to the park, reminisced, and helped out the guy. That was sweet ;_; High-humanity Julia, this time!

‘Fairy God Mother?’ is great but ‘Vin Diesel?’ is objectively the funnier response.

“Shining even more brightly than usual, Aisling.” Samira got a cru-ush~

Poor Julie. It’s probably been tough without Sophie around :(

Huh. Interestingly, refusing to lie to Mia results in Julia actually feeling genuine loyalty to the Cammies (for now, at least).

Believing Agathon is still alive = more optimistic = different dialogue! See, this is how you make choices have consequences, game!

Oooh boy time to meet Adelaide XD;;

“She uncrosses her legs in a strangely seductive motion. In her mind’s eye, it probably looked like Sharon Stone in Basic Instinct, but in reality, it had all the grace of a tracksuit Slav squatting.” *snickering*

Fight me, Adelaide >:(

‘sup Nastya. Went with the slightly less disruptive routine here XD Huh, she’s an aspiring DJ! Julia is deeply confused as to how being a DJ and being head of security works together.

lmao Julia referring to Hope as a girlboss. That phrase has lost all meaning to me...

The conversation between Julia and Father Leonard is still really interesting. Man, you know who I want Julia to talk to? Anatole. Interesting insights into balancing being queer Catholic vampires there for sure.

lmao oh my god I want to fight this street reporter.

‘I can almost feel my brain losing its wrinkles.’ *snort*

Yeaghhhh the Abyss bit is still so creepy...

Oops. Being honest regarding Tamika and Torque’s relationships gets a fail :(

Oh, or not XD That works! Also, uh, apparently the giant albino ghoul alligator is real, according to New York by Night. He’s Calebros’ pet.

“Because I think I have a pretty good nose for people’s auras. And when I take a good look at you... ...somehow, I have a feeling you’re a surprisingly decent person. Whatever way of unlife you choose, I hope you don’t change it. And that you remember my advice.” :)

“I know.” Oof.

“Hi.” “WAAAH!” lmao sorry Princess XD;; Just trying to imagine Qadir’s face as he tells Julia to find a 1990 glass statue of Scrooge McDuck... dying...

Oh she’s so a Toreador XD Low art options are a fantasy book, an anime DVD, or a video game... those can all be arty, though! And went with the anime DVD called ‘Ririsu no Daibouken’... that translates to ‘Adventures of Lilith’. How on the nose XD “The cover says ‘Lilith’s Carnal Carnival’.” Oh. Yeah, that’d do it XD

“This 90s original video anime presents us with a tale of five big-bosomed samurai warriors travelling through America in search of General Hastavista, The Incubus King. Don’t let all the titillation misguide you: the main draws here are peerless direction, a nearly avant-garde editing rhythm and dialogue that coyly comments on traditional gender roles in anime. Once you see the animation in the final battle, you’ll understand why it never fails to set a sakuga fan’s heart ablaze!”

She’s my new favourite.

“So can I know your name now?”

“Hmmm... Let me think...

No. <3″

I need to stress that the heart appears in the dialogue box. Like. The actual less-than-three heart.

Didn’t investigate the rat this time, so Qadir did and I die. “Glad you’re alright, little guy.” Qadir...

Still not over the drunk blood doll rats.

Kaiser’s still a goddamn creep and this time Julia is not going too far. She still has her humanity, dammit. Final set of traits:

Loyal to the end

Glass half-full

Not into a bad cop schtick

Honesty is the best policy

No more human, still humane

Onwards to the ‘bad’ end! Oops, and Dakota still did the Single White Female thing XD;;

Man I’m still really curious who the ‘good friend’ is!!

Okay! Time for end game!!

So that’s the good friend, huh? “Let me phrase it differently, then. You’re not Ecaterina the Wise, the Agitator of Prague, a Brujah elder causing turbulences all over the world... are you?”

Mention of Christof! Mention of Christof doing shady shit :| Poor Hana.

“An immigrant from Eastern Europe comes to New York City, takes the position she always expected to find herself in, is molded into someone who is no longer herself.”

Julia and Dakota representing Carthage is kind of neat.

I want to say the mention of St Jude is a reference, but I’m not sure what to XD;; Is that from Redemption? Christof could have been the one to tell Hana that.

“Like a two-person human centipede loop or something. An Ouroburos? Or an, uhh, Mobius strip?” No, that’s the other traditionally Sabbat clan XD

That‘s. That’s a hell of a reconciliation XD “Yeah, let’s give it a try. By the way I’m on the run for my unlife, want to go to California and try to find utopia?”

Julia, wear a fucking mask XD

“Hey.”

“Yeah?“

“Do you love me?”

“... Of course I do. For now, at least.”

I still don’t know if I love her. Or even if I can love anyone, for that matter. I’m a fucking monster, after all. I don’t even know if we’ll exist next month. The prospects are not looking good. But although I can’t see myself in the rearview mirror right now...

...I will remember this image of us leaving the city, somewhat melancholic, and somewhat hopeful, forever. And maybe the meaning of this image will be clarified with time. Or maybe I will just force a more positive description on it, and that is what I’ll believe.

No matter what happens... even if oceans of blood lie before us, I will make this a cherished memory.

Whatever possible salvation still remains for me... ...it probably lies in the eyes of another.

Oh dang I have chills.

So the ‘bad’ ending is about the subverted compromise. Julia resigns herself to letting the compromise about the truth of Callihan’s death go ahead. ‘Catherine’ is a walking compromise to hide the Ecaterina’s real deeds. But while Hana is still stuck in her role for now, Julia refuses to accept the compromise she’s made, both the one relating to the investigation and the compromise she made of her own views and morals. It might blow up in her face, yeah. But damn, she’s going to try.

So, final thoughts! For the sake of completion, this is what I said about Coteries:

And of course this is the part where the game all falls apart :-\

Just… god. This is probably the biggest problem with CoNY, and the reason I didn’t bother getting it until it was like… 60% off. The bulk of the game is great - the writing is intriguing, the design is stunning. But the choices themselves are so limited it’s barely worth even getting it at 60% off!

You have three choices of characters, with their own opening chapters and own individual scenes with their touchstones. You have four choices of coterie members, and three sidequests. You can probably get in at least three full story arcs and a sidequest or two, but you’re only ever limited to two of your coterie members showing up at the not-yet-endgame.

So let’s say you decide to play all three protags, which, indeed, is encouraged (there’s an achievement for it). You are going to repeat coterie arcs and side quests, because there simply aren’t enough for three unique playthroughs.

And then you get to the end and literally everything is scripted. You get attacked by the SI. You get rescued by your two coterie members (and then never see them again, despite the game being called Coteries of New York). You meet Torque, you escape the SI, Sophie reveals her plan to Torque, you go to Ellis Island, Adelaide kills Sophie (and despite the fact that you’re given multiple options there, none of them work), Arturo does his spiel, end of game. You don’t even get to choose between ending up blood bound or going “no fuck you” and at least dying with a bit of dignity!

I just. I really want to like it, and there genuinely is a lot there to like! But uuuugh the ending. Like damn at least give the poor protag the option to choose what happens to them!

Anyway. Not sure what’s next. To get all the achievements, you have to finish with all three protags, so that’s three full runs and a lot of repetitiveness (compare to, say, Bloodlines or Night Road. I have eighty-five hours on Night Road and there’s still stuff I haven’t seen!), so I can’t even just… rush it through up to the meeting with the touchstones on the third play. Nope. Gotta finish it :-\

Final rating: 6/10

8/10 characters, 9/10 atmosphere, 8/10 story aside from ending, 3/10 story ending, 2/10 replayability. Final consensus: get it on major sale if you can, otherwise, you might as well just watch an LP. I might do that instead of doing a third run, although I at least want to do a second.

I ended up revising that 6/10 to 5.5/10 after finishing all runs and getting the achievements just out of how goddamn repetitive it was. So, how does Shadows measure up?

Absolutely continued with all the things I enjoyed about CoNY (characters, atmosphere, and writing), and of the bits I hated (cookie cutter protagonists, lack of real choice, repetitiveness, the godawful ending), every single part has been completely improved.

Instead of three fledglings so similar they even have the same internal thoughts, we have Julia, who’s got such a distinct voice that she becomes the most memorable game protag I’ve seen in years, and I’m including non-VtM games in this. This is absolutely her game, and it’s just... absolutely fascinating to read and watch.

Related - actual real choices. There are five key choices that determine the ending, and every single one has actual consequence in-game. You get different dialogue. Different introspection. Different philosophies. And this carries across - if Julia believes Agathon is alive, she’s more optimistic about her relationship with Dakota, too. And of course, both endings are completely distinct and incredibly written - the ‘good’ ending where Julia gives in to her most Lasombra instincts, plays the game, wins it, gets power and respect at the expense of her humanity and avoiding all those wraiths... or the ‘bad’ ending when she listens to her morals, reconciles with Dakota, and leaves for California, uncertain, but hopeful.

Not a lot of repetitiveness. Yes, by design, you’ll probably do two playthroughs. The main plot is much the same, but there are enough options there to get multiple dialogue options and stuff. And for the little sidequests, you can actually get all in with just the two playthroughs, only repeating like... two, I think. Still, I wasn’t feeling actively bored like I was midway through my second run of CoNY!

Loved seeing more in-depth backstory and development for the coterie members. Agathon’s section was particularly fascinating, literally getting into his head.

And just. Atmosphere and music is so, so good.

Final rating: 9/10. Thank you, Draw Distance, you hit it out of the park.

[springsaladgaming]

I loved the demo already. And the characters are just so mysterious in a good way like you don’t know what they’ll do next it’s really good. I don’t want you think I hate the game but it’s seems like the choices that we choose and mc that I’m reading are two different people in a way. Like I’m more of the timid/reserved type and it seems like the mc that’s being written is more leaning toward sarcastic or open and almost like a different character than the one we want for ourselves if we’re not playing as a different mc. I don’t know if I’m explaining myself correctly I’m so sorry. In the beginning of the game when we’re having food with our parents we have this argument type discussion and it would be lovely if we could have a option to feel to overwhelmed/uncomfortable or almost feel like crying cause that’s how my mc would feel in that scene. And sun would escort us out because he sees the mc wants to leave but is stuck in her seat or doesn’t want to make everything worse. I love Alex but can we maybe a more like we’re friends but I’m not the outgoing type in this relationship and they understand that sorta thing. And a choice to maybe feel a little uncomfortable because he took our phone in that scene like our demeanor changes but we’re to polite to say anything or something like that. The next time we see sun we have a talk about us drowning and our feelings. Can we have more choices or I guess feelings in that part like we’re still traumatized or feel indifferent. Maybe we feel so much but can’t really talk without feeling like you’re gonna cry or something. We feel extremely guilty for ruining everything or maybe you feel some type of glee or just more choices would be nice in that scene. And the interview with ansel could maybe have a more awkward choice in it cause the mc that I’m creating hates being confronted with conversation and it’s almost having trouble looking him in the eye. Maybe a choice to shake their leg and look around the room and maybe ansel notices and soothes her. That’s all. I’m so sorry I went far with my explanation or whatever this was. I just really would love to see more mc who aren’t 100% social and have a hard time in social interactions even though they may open up later on. I really do love this demo please don’t think otherwise! 💖

Don’t worry, nonny! I definitely understand what you’re getting at here. I’d definitely like to tackle this problem, so let me explain how I do things.

The way I approached the personality stats actually changes partway through the demo, and this is by design. Chapters 1 through 3 are designed to be establishing chapters, so most of the choices in these chapters, aside from the ones relating to your relationships with Alex and Sun, influence your “starting” stats pretty heavily. Because the player is still establishing the MC’s personality, it is a little more difficult to account for varying types of personalities for in-text situations.

As soon as we hit Chapter 4, I have the ability to identify a main personality stat, since the player has had time to establish it. This means there will be more in-text reflection of MC’s personality from then on. The MC’s main personality will not lock the player out of making decisions that correspond with a different personality, choices made from Chapter 4 on will have less of an effect on changes in the personality, and selecting choices different from the main personality can result in more variety in how the other characters respond to your choices.

During the Teagan route in Chapter 4, there is a small subsection that utilizes this process to REALLY give some variety. However, this was the first time I used the mainstat function, so this was largely a test on my part to make sure I coded it correctly, and this subsection is incomplete. The good news is, the coding is correct, so personality working in that way is a go for the future.

What this means: Once I am finished writing Chapter 4, it will be undergoing some pretty extensive revision to add more variety through the use of this mainstat function. So you SHOULD be seeing a lot more of your MC’s personality from then on. This is going to be a lot of work on my part to keep it up, but it will be worth it in the end.

As far as Chapters 1-3, it’s going to require a step by step process. For starters, I need to reevaluate some of the choices that already exist to make sure the appropriate personality stats are represented. Once that is done, I will take a look back through these three chapters to identify if there are more opportunities for choices. If there are, they will be added, then rinse and repeat step one. After that, I will need to do some testing to get a good idea of what stat percentages look like during these chapters in order to add more in-text representation of character stats. Eventually, this should result in the MC feeling more like what you want them to from the beginning of the story.

TLDR:

I absolutely plan to work more on this. You will probably see these improvements in Chapter 4 before you see them in Chapters 1-3, but this is something that is for sure on the to-do list, so keep on the lookout for it. As the demo gets updated, I will be including a changelog, so you’ll know when it happens.

[nekoabi]

On the Verge of a Heartbreak - Chapter 30

Now I’m really not sorry.

AU: School, Human Pairings: Moxiety, OC/OC Words: 3231 Warnings: Swearing, shouting. Anything else, please let me know!

Summary: The group is told about Virgil’s situation and agree to the couple’s plan. They put in the extra effort to make it memorable. Well, it will certainly be a day they’ll never forget...

Patton knew that Virgil had a free period before lunch the next day and so made an effort to be the first out of his class in order to meet up with his boyfriend. He almost ran through the halls in order to grab his stuff before heading to their little hiding spot for lunch. When he rounded the corner, Patton immediately sat down in order to catch his breath. He went to smile at his boyfriend and catch his eyes but found that he was met with the side of Virgil’s face as he was curled up into himself.

With a soft smile, Patton lightly wrapped his arms around Virgil, causing the other boy to lean into his body, “It’ll be okay. We’ll be okay. I promise.” Patton whispered soothingly, rocking back and forth gently in order to comfort his anxious boyfriend.

Their friends slowly piled into the small space as the lunch period really began. They all did their best not to ask about what the couple wanted to talk with them about until all of them were gathered. All bets were off when Thomas finally appeared and took his seat.

“So, what the hell do you guys want? I was having a heart attack last night, worried fucking sick about you guys!” Ana said dramatically, throwing their hands all over the place.

Em grabbed their hands and held them in her lap, trying to stop her partner from causing any damage to anyone, “They really were. I don’t think we’ve fallen asleep while being on the phone since we first started dating until last night, we just wanted to make sure you two were okay. The message sounded really urgent…”

Patton could feel Virgil tensing in his arms. This was possibly his worst nightmare, knowing he influenced and panicked his close friends so much that they did something that was out of the ordinary. Before Patton could even attempt to say anything, Em started giggling and leaned against Ana.

“It was really nice though, so I think we should thank you guys.”

Virgil immediately flicked his head up to look between Em and Ana and Patton, as if he couldn’t quite believe what he was hearing. Patton smiled wide and pressed a kiss to Virgil’s forehead when he next looked to him, causing the emo to blush and duck his head.

Patton asked them all to wait just a couple minutes longer because he didn’t want to have to talk about it twice with people. Just as everyone was begrudgingly agreeing, his phone began buzzing away in his pocket. He managed to wriggle it out and picked up the call as soon as he could.

“HI!” came Abigal’s loud voice ringing through the small speaker. Patton and Virgil both flinched as they were the ones closest to the sound, their ears beginning to ring a little. “Oh, oops, sorry…” The laughter of the other two that were present on the other end told Patton that everyone was finally able to hear him and so he launched into the explanation.

He talked about what Virgil’s parents had said about Logan and Roman’s university experiences, how that was negatively affecting everyone, how Virgil’s parents had decided the best thing was for them to move. Patton found that he had to pause his rambles as everyone had extreme reactions and opinions to the news, all of them clearly being upset that one of their friends was going to be taken far away from them.

With a little help from Em who was sat across from them and Asher on the other end of the phone, Patton was able to calm everyone down enough that he could begin to explain the idea that he and Virgil had brainstormed the night before. He told them the date that Virgil was leaving and that they wanted this to involve as many of them as possible.

On the other end of the phone, Asher mentioned how they would be back in town next week, while Abigal and Reggie realised they were only coming back a couple of days before Virgil was leaving. That narrowed down the timeframe they had significantly. Thankfully, everyone else was available the day before Virgil’s move, which was also perfect as it could be their send off at the same time.

“So, we’re going to be having it happen in this little park near our houses. It’s really nice and it’s away from everyone else, it’s almost always empty.” Patton mentioned.

There was a soft squeal from the phone in his hand, “Oh my gosh! This sounds like a cute little promise wedding! We should totally make it like a wedding ceremony!” Abigal gushed.

Everyone, especially Sophia and Em, were on board with this idea. They all began to throw out their ideas for how they could make it extra special and wedding-like. As they spoke, Virgil hid his face further and further into his boyfriend’s side, almost looking like he was trying to coax Patton’s body into absorbing him, so he could get out of there. Patton giggled and squeezed him tight for a second, causing Virgil to look up at him.

“It’ll be okay. It’s just us. The most important thing is that we’re doing this for us.” Patton reached down and slipped his fingers between Virgil’s in order to hold his hand comfortingly.

Virgil smiled softly, “I hate that you’re right with your sappy crap.”

“I didn’t hear that!” Patton threw his head to the side and comically pretended to not hear anything that Virgil said for the few seconds that followed, when the emo tried and failed to get Patton’s gaze to fall back onto himself. It only ended when Virgil moved out of Patton’s hold, grabbed his boyfriend’s face between his hands and turned it physically back to him.

“So rude.” Virgil said with a grin, his gaze exceedingly fond as he looked directly into Patton’s. The two shared a brief kiss that only broke because they suddenly heard a soft squeaky squeal.

All their friends were absolutely silent, each dealing with the incredibly adorable scene in their own ways. On the other end of the phone, however, none of their older friends were able to see what was going on and so Abigal felt she had every right to interrupt and ask what the heck was happening. It was explained to them all and she responded with a puking sound that was quietened almost immediately by Reggie’s comment of him ‘never having heard any complaints before’.

The rest of lunch continued with their friends on the phone and it was so wonderful for Patton. He felt like he could almost ignore the fact that he was going to lose his proximity to his boyfriend at home and could instead focus on how lucky he was to have had this wonderful experience with his close friends.

For two weeks in between that planning phase and the actual date of their ceremony, all of their group tried to hang out as much as humanly possible. Exams and last-minute revision got in the way for the first week, but eventually all the testing was over, and they had all the free time in the world to hang out. Each day, they crowded in someone’s home or nearby and just hung out, enjoying not only their last days together before Virgil moved away but also their last time of freedom as college and real adult life was creeping up on them fairly fast.

It only really became real on the day of their ceremony. They split into their initial friend groups and spent the whole day ‘getting them ready’. Abigal and Sophia were playing at being fully trainer hairdressers and makeup artists as they pretended to do Patton up for the ceremony, while Asher and Daniel were sat with Thomas, who’d been appointed to lead the whole thing. They were helping him memorise the script that a couple of the others had written for him to follow.

Across the street, Em was the one sorting Virgil’s make up while Reggie messed with his hair. Ana and Ayana were more than happy to just sit on his bed in the almost empty room, watching all of it happen from a distance.

“So, where’s this park you guys were talking about?” Ana asked, clearly bored.

“It’s at the end of the street. You probably passed it on your way here. It’s mostly covered by trees, so you wouldn’t know it’s there unless you’ve been there before.” Virgil explained. His nerves were rising as the afternoon rolled on. They were going to meet around 3pm at the park and he’d been specifically told to be there just before 3.

“It’ll be fine, Virgil. Just relax.” Em tried to sooth the anxious boy, checking his face one last time before putting away his makeup, “This is all for you and Patton. Just enjoy it.” There were noises of agreement from the rest of his attending friends. Virgil was going to try his best to not be nervous about it.

As they packed up and headed out of the house, Virgil told his friends to wait outside for him as he had to just let his parents know where he was going. He wandered through the empty home and into the kitchen, where his immediate family was still packing.

“Um, so… I’m going outside with some friends, I’ll be back soon. Is that okay?” Virgil shuffled, feeling a little bad at leaving his family right now.

His mom looked at him with a sad smile, “Of course, honey. Just be back before it gets too late.”

“Thanks, I will. We’re just going down to the park, so not too far.” Virgil said as he turned and headed to the front door. He was trying to remind himself to breathe slowly as they approached the end of the road and Virgil led the way into the small, enclosed park space. He stopped dead as soon as he got one foot past the iron gates.

Standing off to the side next to the trees was an archway that he’d never seen before. It was clearly made in a hurry as some of the original wood was showing through the white paint, but it still gave off the wedding vibe. The flower chains that were weaving through it and into the branches of the nearby trees only added to the aesthetic. Virgil almost couldn’t believe what he was seeing. He wanted to know who had done this but, before he could open his mouth to ask the question, he got his answer.

“Well, I guess she found the flowers then.” Reggie chuckled from his side. Reggie looked sideways at Virgil, directly addressing him, “Abigal wanted to make this special and ‘look good for the pictures’ so she and Ana made this last night. She lost the flowers this morning, but clearly, she found them.” Ana clicked their tongue and finger gunned when Virgil turned to look at them.

The stunned emo was almost dragged over to the arch and placed just in front of it, almost as if he was the groom at a wedding who was waiting for his partner to arrive. It was then that everything really clicked, and Virgil’s face turned bright red. He hadn’t expected them to go this hard.

Ayana stood at the end with a small basket in her hand and Virgil couldn’t help but notice her nervous energy. She was looking towards the gate as if she was looking for some kind of signal, but Virgil was still trying to let his brain catch up with him and so couldn’t quite think of what she might be trying to look for. Sure, they were waiting on Patton and the other half of their group, but that shouldn’t be something Ayana was specifically searching for. He found out her reasoning once the rest of their friends stepped into the park.

The youngest of them all walked over to the oncoming group of people and seemed to ask them something before she was put into the lead position. Despite the reservation and nerves that were showing clearly on her face, she began to sprinkle the ground with flower petals. This was yet another part of this that was clearly inspired by a wedding and Virgil was mortified, his face somehow turning an even brighter shade of red. He turned his gaze away, preferring to watch the branches of the trees sway in the breeze than what was clearly meant to be a wedding procession. It was only when his view was blocked by Thomas’ body walking past him and then Patton standing opposite that he finally stopped watching the surround nature.

Thomas perfectly fell into the role of minister, presiding over the ceremony as if he’d been doing these all of his life. He addressed everyone and followed the script perfectly.

Patton was clearly enjoying himself, if the wide, toothy grin he was constantly wearing was any indication. Virgil, meanwhile, was still trying to get over the embarrassment he felt over this whole thing being treated as a full-on wedding ceremony.

It got to the part where Virgil and Patton were to swap their promise gifts. They’d thought about it for a while and they decided to make bracelets for each other. Earlier in the week, they’d gone to a nearby craft store and picked out bead colours they wanted. Virgil went for his usual black and two shades of purple, while Patton naturally gravitated to the pastel blue, pink and yellow.

“Wait!” Patton had stopped Virgil as they were leaving the shop. He dragged the emo over to a nearby bench and dug around in his bag, opening the packets of beads. After a couple minutes of rummaging and more than a few beads running away from him, Patton held out one of each of the colours that Virgil had picked out, “We should swap some! So the bracelets have some of all the beads, a forever reminder in a forever promise!”

Virgil hadn’t admitted it out loud then, but it was a positively adorable idea and he just loved it. The idea that he and Patton would always hold something that was representative of their respective partner filled him with warmth and made him feel so utterly loved. He took the beads from Patton’s hand and then went about getting one of each of the colours he had in his own bag. Patton was cutely swinging his legs back and forth as he waited, the adorable action distracting Virgil just a little. Eventually, he held his three out for Patton to take.

In their hands at the ceremony were the finished bracelets. Patton was to go first. He grabbed a hold of Virgil’s left hand and started to slide the bracelet around his wrist, when a voice called out.

“Virgil? Are you still here?”

The boy in question sighed, the soft moment between them broken as Logan rounded the corner and entered the park. He caught sight of what was going on and seemed to have a moment of disbelief as he paused suddenly. After taking a second to catch himself, Logan headed over to them.

“What is going on here?” The firstborn Mortenson son was taking in everything he could see.

“It’s a Promise Ceremony!” Sophia responded, her hands on her hips as if it was the most obvious thing in the whole world.

Logan looked down at her with a slightly alarmed expression, “A what?” He shook his head before he got an answer, “Doesn’t matter. Virgil, mom and dad need you back at the house as soon as possible. It looks like it’s going to rain. Finish up as soon as you can.” All of them turned their attention to the sky and could see the dark clouds rolling in fast above them. Patton pouted and was clearly a little upset at the change in weather. Logan then turned to head off back home but was stopped by Virgil calling his name.

“Logan, why don’t you stay here? It won’t be much longer…” Virgil asked. He wasn’t sure why he asked for his brother to stay. Normally, he’d love to have the space, but something was telling him to keep his brother close by.

Logan glanced around at all of his brother’s friends, slowly being persuaded by their hopeful faces. He sighed and went to stand next to Ayana at the end, “Fine.”

The ceremony continued. Virgil pulled the bracelet he made for Patton out and grabbed a hold of his hand, staring into his boyfriend’s eyes. He slid the beads over Patton’s wrist and squeezed the hand tight before letting them both fall between them, their fingers still gently interlaced and the beads around their wrists touching.

Thomas finished up the last of the script he’d been given before looking between the clearly love-struck couple in front of him. A spark of inspiration must have come to him as, out of the corner of Virgil’s eye, he perked up and addressed them both, “Now, you may kiss!”

Virgil’s head almost cracked as he turned his head sharply to look at Thomas with a concerned and embarrassed glare. He went to ask what the fuck Thomas thought he was doing but Patton’s gentle giggles and soft hands turning his head stopped him. It was only a brief moment that Virgil had to see Patton’s loving gaze and smile before his lips were pressed so lightly against his own. He practically melted against the other boy, kissing back as the world around him drained away, leaving them alone.

Off to the side, Abigal was watching the boys have their utterly precious moment. She had her arms wrapped around her own boyfriend’s, her fingers locked between his, which meant she was able to feel when he tensed up and hear when Reggie muttered something along the lines of “Oh shit…” in a tone that was really unfitting for the situation.

“Hey, what was that for!?” Abigal looked up, ready to berate him, but she stopped when she saw the fear in his eyes. “Babe, what’s wro…” She trailed off as she followed his gaze. Her heart stopped when she locked eyes with the ones across the small park, her panic rising to levels she hadn’t felt in years. Immediately, she darted forwards to try and warn the others, but a loud metallic crash had everyone’s attention before Abigal even had a chance.

Everyone’s eyes turned to see what had caused the sound, a shout also coming from the same place. “What the FUCK is THIS?!”

Ayana immediately ducked behind Em, who wrapped the young girl in her arms. Daniel looked about ready to bolt in the opposite direction, while Sophia and Ana both seemed to ready themselves for a fight. Asher straightened his back and grabbed a hold of Abigal’s free hand, providing her comfort while she shook. Reggie was a complete statue, unmoving as Logan walked past him to stand fully between the group and the oncoming figure. Virgil and Patton both stood frozen, their hands now tightly clasped. Patton was shaking, tears were rolling down his cheeks as he stared at the approaching face of his older brother that was contorted into an expression of pure rage.

Last Chapter —– Next Chapter

My other stuff: http://nekoabi.tumblr.com/myworks Mobile Accessible Masterlist: http://nekoabi.tumblr.com/post/181954641376/fic-masterlist

Abigal and Ayana belong to me. Reggie belongs to @not-so-innocent-bi-sander Daniel belongs to @doces-e--tuga Ana, Em and Asher belongs to @fangsandrainbows Sophia belongs to @notalwaysthevillian

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[thathpheadcanongirl]

How Audrey Might Have Met Percy...

OF MAGIC AND COFFEE  by LittleLauren

"You can't just run away, Jude!" Audrey scolded her sister. She knew she was eating the teen's ear off, but this was the fifth time this has happened this month alone. "I'm far too busy for your antics. And I can't have you lounging about in my dorm room, when I have work."

"Slow down, will you!" Jude called out, holding onto Audrey's car dashboard.

She was driving rather recklessly, but Audrey had to get to work on time. She just had to.

"If you cost me my job, I swear…" Audrey muttered, swerving here and there through traffic.

"You could spare one of them," Jude complained. "You never come round anymore."

Audrey rolled her eyes and sighed as they pulled into her old street. She stopped the car right before she reached their parents' house. "When you're my age, you'll understand. Besides, you should be going to college. You have revision, yeah?"

Jude picked at her nails, and she mumbled a, "Yeah…"

Audrey reached over to inspect her sister's hair, to which she had dyed red blotchy streaks in her blond hair. "Do Mum and Dad know about this?"

Jude gave Audrey a guilty look, causing the older sister to tisk at the younger sister. "Judith Miranda Lee Tilly …"

"It's not a cry for help or anything!" her sister reasoned. "I saw Christina Aguilera have this exact thing in Teen Magazine!"

Audrey adjusted her rear view mirror, and sighed again. "You know Mum is going to blame me when she sees you, and I don't need that."

"'M sorry, Audrey," Jude mumbled.

As much as Jude running away was a huge inconvenience, Audrey really just wanted the best for her. She did not have enough money to move her out of their parents' crazy, "carnie act" household. She knew Jude didn't enjoy being part of The Topsy Tilly Magic Act just like Audrey. She could go her whole life without being a magician's assistant ever again, especially with her self-centered, delusional parents. When Audrey was younger, they'd spend so much money on the latest illusionist equipment and costumes that they'd forget to pay the utility bill. It got really bad when Jude was born and Audrey would run away to hustle her little magic tricks on the street for money to buy food. Although it sounded like a terrible childhood, she would not have learned to work for her aspirations. She was proud to say that she singlehandedly funded her way to University through scholarships and balancing 3 jobs. She believed it gave her character and independence. She chose to ignore the fact that her parents didn't seem to care about her academic endeavors.

"I'll make a deal with you," Audrey gave in. "If you keep up your grades this term, you can visit me after exams. Because I miss you too."

That brightened Jude's mood. She smiled, and hugged Audrey from the other side of the car. "Love you, Bug," she muffled.

Audrey rolled her eyes at her old nickname. "Love you, Beetle," she reciprocated. "Now, get out before the neighbors tell Mum and Dad that I was spotted!"

Despite not wanting to be seen, Audrey watched her sixteen-year-old sister run back home. She disappeared around their hedge. No doubt, a minute later, Jude would be in her pajamas, red dye taken out of her hair, black eye liner cleaned off her face, and in bed for their mother to "wake her up". That was Jude's specialty; she was the family's disappearing act. It's a wonder their parents didn't catch on.

She glanced at the time. "Shit!" She was definitely going to be late for her shift at the coffee shop this morning. She quickly debated whether or not she could make it without stopping for gas. Deciding against it, she fled down the highways. She prayed that her boss would cut her some slack…

"Shit…" she muttered again, noticing all of the good parking spots were already taken. The only spot she could find was a two-hour parking limit. She could afford to pay the fine, but she definitely couldn't afford to lose this job. "God, forgive me," she whispered as she parallel parked.

She ran into the coffee shop, quickly wrapping her apron around her and putting up her dark blonde hair. She breezed passed her co-workers to go behind the counter.

Just as she was about to take someone's order, "Tilly!" came a rough voice from behind her.

She winced. "One moment," she smiled at the customer. She turned around and already had a story ready. "I'm really sorry, Mr. Minchin. My sister ran away from home, and-"

"My office, now," he said, beckoning her to the back room in the kitchen.

She hung her head as she followed. This was the longest job she's had, but with her terrible schedule, she knew Mr. Minchin was just waiting to let her go.

"Sit," he commanded. He looked at her from the other side of his small desk.

"I'm really sorry, sir," she tried again. "It won't-"

"-Happen again?" he finished for her. He chuckled in spite of the situation. "How many times have I heard those exact words come out of your mouth?"

Audrey slumped.

Mr. Minchin considered her for a moment. "You're a good worker, Tilly. One of the best. But your tardiness overshadows that." He bent down and whispered, "And the terrible workers have to pick up your slack before they even have a chance to pick up their own."

She couldn't help but look guilty.

"I run a business here, and I can't afford to have you coming in whenever you're good and ready." Before Audrey could retort, he raised his hand. "I'm sorry, Audrey."

"Can't I at least finish out the day?" she pleaded quietly. "I'm here, aren't I?"

Mr. Minchin scratched his beard in thought. "Very well, but I need you to hand in your apron tonight," he said somberly.

Audrey worked the floor like she's never worked before. She took as many orders as she possibly could, well beyond the number of the slackers currently employed. She had a sliver of hope that Mr. Minchin would see how diligently she worked, with no break, and would take back her being fired. But, at the end of her shift, she just took her slender portion of tips, and handed in her apron.

"I wish the best of luck for you," Mr. Minchin told her as she went on her way.

She wouldn't be sad if she never stepped into that dying establishment again anyway. It was just slowing her down for a job that aided to her talents.

She counted her tips grimly as she trekked back to her car. "Bollocks!" she swore, when she noticed a parking ticket on her windshield. She knew her earnings for her last day at the coffee shop was all for naught, knowing that she literally worked to pay off a ticket.

She lowered her head, knowing what she had to do. "I'm going to hate myself…" she muttered, swiping the ticket off of her car. Her body and soul was screaming at her to just go home and see if she could knick some food from one of her roommates. But she was a proud and stubborn young woman. She got into this mess, she could get herself out.

Parking in a narrow alleyway, she hoisted a small table and a decent sized bag out of her trunk. She thought her days of hustling were over, but people seemed to like getting cheated out of their money for a cheap thrill.

"Step right up!" she called, intricately shuffling her deck of cards. "Do you have what it takes to win twenty quid? All you have to do is follow your card. It's as easy as one, two, three!"

"Mummy, Mummy!" cried a little boy. "Look at the lady with the cards!"

Jackpot.

"How about you, handsome?" she said with a winning smile. "How would you like to have twenty pounds in your pocket?"

"I could get the new Sonic game!" His eyes glistened with wonder.

"You can buy much more than that," she lied. She placed three cards on the table.

"No, Kevin," the boy's mother tried to pull him away. "It's a scam."

"Come on, Mummy!" the boy whined, tugging onto her purse.

"Yeah, come on, Mummy!" Audrey joked. "Just one little game?"

Her charming smile won the tired woman over. "Alright, but just one game."

Audrey played them like a fiddle! Pretty soon, a crowd surrounded them, joining in the fun of the game. She'd bet the twenty, but she knew he wouldn't get it the first time. Then she'd make it easier, lessening the price. Once he thought he was on a roll, his mother would bet in that she could guess because it was a "simple game". This is when the public started to get involved. Once they raised the bet it fifty pounds, double or nothing, that's when she'd change out the cards. That way, the odds will be in her favor, no matter what.

Just as she was shuffling the cards on the table, readying the card up her sleeve, she heard a cheer from the other side of the street. Everyone turned around, except the boy, who was concentrating hard on Audrey's shuffling.

There, across the street, were two red headed young men, also hustling… in her territory.

"Mummy! My card is in her sleeve!" he yelled, pointing grandly. "It's in her sleeve!"

She expertly slid the card from out of her sleeve and into the deck before anyone else could accuse her of cheating. "I assure you all, there is absolutely nothing up my sleeve," she said swiftly, but panicking inside. She exposed her now bare sleeves and continued on with the game.

Slowly, her crowd dwindled and found its way across the street. Even the boy and his mother seemed bored with her game. To stop him from whining, she let them go with half of her tips from the coffee shop. She was intrigued too.

From the lack of business on her side of the street, she decided to scrutinize her competition. She had seen the one before, but with his twin. The two were so jovial and charming. Their illusions seemed so flawless, and yet, she could never figure out how they had such success in hiding their secrets. This time, there was only one of the twins. His eyes were sunken in, he wore the ghost of a smile, he hunched his shoulders, and, most grotesquely, he was missing an ear. He was accompanied by another man, although he could have also been another brother. This man had curly red hair, horn-rimmed glasses, and a slight clumsiness about him. He definitely did not have the charm the other brother had.

Soon, she found herself part of the crowd. For the life of her, she could not understand how their tricks were working. She even went up when the curly-haired one asked for a volunteer to get a better look (the earless one was behind him, hands in his pockets, seemingly uninvolved). She could tell that the curly-haired one was so nervous and fumbling all over the place. He had her take part in the ball-in-cup trick. He showed her which cup he put the ball under, shuffled up the up-turned cups, and asked her to pick the correct cup. She knew this simple trick up and back: whatever cup she picked, would be wrong.

"It's in your hand," she said, folding her arms and looking rather pompous.

He smiled, and said, "Thinking outside the box, eh? Well, as you can see, the ball is nowhere on my person." He showed his palms, sleeves, and pockets.

She indicated to the cups, but the ball was not underneath those either. "Where is it then?"

"Why don't you check your own pockets, then?"

She could not believe it! Her pockets and sleeves began to overflowing with little Ping-Pong balls. She was absolutely flabbergasted and enraged as the crowd laughed and cheered. She stomped back to her station and watched the rest of their act from afar.

Figuring that it was useless trying to scrounge for another hustle, she turned in. She arrived back in her dorm room.

"You're home early," said Dawn, one of her roommates. She sat by their small television as she studied.

Audrey plopped down next to her friend. "I had a bad day," she admitted simply, mindlessly changing the channel.

Dawn glanced up from her notes, and declared, "I'm thinking Chinese. How about you?"

Audrey sighed. "I didn't make enough tonight."

"It's on me, love," her friend smiled.

And as she ate her dinner, she racked her brain for every possible explanation as to how the brothers were doing those tricks. It simply did not make sense.

Audrey took pride in knowing that she would always succeed academically in school. She had the very sensible goal of becoming a secondary school Literature teacher. But top marks didn't excuse her lack of income, and another flexible job was difficult to come by. So, she had nothing else better to do than to hustle on her corner.

No matter what she tried, people ended up gravitating towards the red heads and their masterful tricks. She debated whether or not she should relocate, but she knew that this was the busiest street in London. She would be losing more money if she left. Plus, she wasn't one to give up. She was there first. She owned this turf.

She scrutinized the two over the next few days, and she could have sworn they were using some sort of slender remote in one hand, controlling most of their tricks.

She decided to confront the curly-haired one, since he seemed the most susceptible to interrogation. She waited until they were packing up for the day. But before she got a chance, she was interrupted by the earless one.

"I don't know, Percy," he called over his shoulder. "But I think we have a fan."

"I'm interested in your act is all," she said airily. "Maybe we could exchange some tricks. I mean, us illusionists have to stick together."

He made a face and laughed. "Yeah, okay. Did you know magic is real?"

"What?"

"George! Who's your friend?!" Percy interjected, knocking down a few items off of their small table.

"Audrey," she said, holding out her hand. Percy shook it, smiling. "I run my own stand down the street."

"Is that so?"

"I remember you!" George said. "You used to come by a few years ago. Back when Fr- when we… I was here."

Percy glanced at George, who began to sulk again.

"We should get going," Percy said quickly. Audrey saw him packing up everything in a briefcase that definitely looked too small to hold all of their equipment, and yet, he closed it with no problem. He grabbed the suitcase and table, and with his glasses slightly askew, said with a sparkle in his eyes, "Until we meet again, Audrey." She watched the pair turn a corner and disappear from sight.

And she did meet George and Percy again. She strategically placed her station closer to the brothers' territory. Her and Percy would have silent competitions to see who would get more attention. It was always a pretty close call, but the brothers would win at the very last minute every time. Audrey was getting frustrated, while Percy looked more and more pompous. But Audrey was not one to give up. She soon figured out how to do some of their tricks (or how she thought they were doing their tricks), which made both of their acts unoriginal.

After a rather uneventful day, Percy walked up to Audrey's stand. She was ready to fight back his teasing, but to her surprise, he put out a hand for her to shake.

"I really admire your drive, Audrey," he said, smiling. "I don't think you realize how much you helped out George." They both glanced over at the brothers' stand, and George was laughing and entertaining what little audience he had. "We've been dealing with a lot over the passed few months. And your persistence gave him a reason to continue what he likes to do best."

Audrey didn't have the courage to ask what happened to his twin, but she could already deduce that it would not be a happy conversation. "I'm glad to help." She started to pack up.

"You're not going now, are you?"

"I'm afraid so," she sighed. "You ran me out of business."

Percy's eyes widened. "I never meant to do that! I'm so sorry."

Audrey shrugged. "It's alright. It was bound to happen anyway. I can't make a living on street performing, that was my mistake."

"This- this was your entire income?"

"For now, yeah," she said. "I don't have much, but I get by."

They both looked at each other for a moment, and Percy's ears turned slightly red. "Do you like coffee?"

Any other time, she would have sworn off coffee altogether. She knew that if she said yes, then they'd go to the coffee shop she was fired from a few blocks away. Then again, she didn't think she'd pay much attention to the exasperated look of old Mr. Minchin. Audrey gave a half-smile. "I love coffee."

Follow me and my headcanons! https://www.fanfiction.net/~littlelauren

[the-undertale-mouse]

                  Handplates: Tempus CH 2 The Plate

Handplates is a really cool if dark take on the Papyrus/Sans/Gaster origin story by @zarla-s​ and if you haven’t seen it already, I highly recommend it. This is a spinoff of that in which a human enters their lives. This takes place some time before Justice falls. She would be the fifth soul. Some things may be inaccurate, but please be patient with me. I just need to get it out of my head and I need some feedback. I will be reposting some old chapters because I have revised a few things for greater accuracy. ~miamouse

   Gaster decided to spend a bit of MP to create a ‘shortcut’ directly to his private lab. The increased exhaustion was worth avoiding Alphys and the questions she would ask. “This way, hurry up.”  It obeyed wordlessly and in the blink of an eye they were in his office.

   First, he needed to prepare a hand plate for Subject 3. The hand plate served two major purposes: it established the subjects as objects and prevented escape by means of a tracking device. At least 3-T couldn't remove its arm without causing itself extreme pain, so they could skip that lesson. He had a third plate made long ago in case he ever needed to replace Subjects 1 or 2.  He abandoned the idea of replacement after a while since it would be too painful...for his foot, where he would get the required material from. In any case, it was good to have a use for it. He used a laser to etch in the the new subject’s number and letter ‘3-T.’

   As subject 3 watched, its face paled.  “Are you going to brand me with that?! WDG are your initials, but what’s the 3 for? And how did you know my name started with ‘T’?” Gaster was impressed by how close its guess was. What he was about to do was similar to branding.

   Gaster had gotten used to questions like these from the other two subjects and decided long ago it was much less annoying to just answer as long as the matter was of little consequence. “I’m not going to brand you, it's more of a...label. 3 because you are the third subject- no, the other two are not humans. They are...artificial constructs. The ‘T’ is coincidence. It has nothing to do with your name, which from this day forth is irrelevant. It has more to do with your speech signature ‘Tempus.”

   “That is my name! My nickname anyway. It's my favorite font! This is spooky.” despite everything, Subject 3 seemed amazed that Gaster had guessed its chosen name.

   It was hardly a guess, he was simply following tradition. He was a little perplexed how the human knew that. Few monsters other than skeletons spoke in distinct ‘fonts.’ As far as he knew, only skeletons could tell one voice’s ‘font’ from another. Subject 3 definitely looked human. But once again it defied norms...It warranted study, but in the end it didn't matter how monster like or even skeleton like it was. Its soul was necessary to break the barrier.

  With that in mind, Gaster strapped it down tight then grabbed his drill and the plate and did not look at the human as he said in an emotionless voice, “Hold still.”  It was time for the human's first lesson in this lab: a hand plate makes you an object.

* * *

   Pain. Incredible pain in her right hand. Did no one tell this mad scientist hands were not meant to be drilled in?! By the look of things, he hadn't even spared his own hands. Or maybe someone did that to him and in his mind that made it ok to do it to others. That didn't make it ok, but perhaps a little more understandable.

   It was still excruciating. Tempus bit back her screams. She hated being seen as weak due to her frail nature, so she trained herself not to cry or scream unless she absolutely couldn't help it. This came close. She kept her mouth shut and blocked most of it, but some sound escaped involuntarily and tears streamed down her face. The actual drilling didn't take long, but the pain persisted. Finally, Tempus felt her consciousness slipping; her body sparing her from the pain.

* * *

   Subject 3 seemed to take the drilling well, it hardly made a peep, compared to the wailing of the other two. Gaster was just thinking about the extraordinary strength of humans when it passed out.

   He didn't want it to die yet! He had plans for it! Plans that required a live specimen! He checked its Hp. It had dropped from 10 to 5. He didn't understand. Even the ultra fragile subject 1 had not lost any HP. He noticed the streams of red leaking from its hand making a mess on the floor. “Blood...animals need that...this calls for attention, right…subject 2! I need subject 2!”

 Skeletons didn’t bleed and in his haste to get the drilling over with, he had forgotten how different humans were. In any case he couldn’t fix it and Subject 2 was much more reliable with his healing magic than Subject 1. He found himself running down the hall to the cells. He slapped his hand on the scanner, and explained quickly, “I need Subject 2 to come with me now. It’s urgent!”

  “What?” asked 2-P, curious.

  “Why?” asked 1-S, suspicious.

  “Urgently!” Gaster emphasized.

* * *

   2-P followed close behind Gaster without another word. He didn't seem angry, more like worried. Something was wrong and he needed 2-P’s help specifically. That usually meant healing, but as far as he knew, all three of them were fine. So maybe it was something else. 2-P was so busy puzzling about what he was going to do, he didn't notice they were heading for one of his least favorite rooms: the room where he received his hand plate. Only once they were inside did he realize where they were. This was a place you didn't forget easily. 2-P trembled involuntarily and stopped moving forward.

 “Come along. We’re not here for you. I need your help with the thing strapped in over there,” Gaster said.

   The person strapped in on the table appeared to be sleeping. They were...different. 2-P couldn't quite put his finger on it. They were roughly the same shape as a skeleton, but somehow...squishier ? Softer? Plushier? Then he noticed their hand, shining with the all too familiar hand plate and leaking some kind of red fluid.

   “You...you drilled their hand and now they're hurt!” 2-P accused.

   “You can point fingers later. Right now I need you to mend it. At least make it stop leaking all over the floor. Do you think you can handle that?” Gaster demanded.

   “Yes, of course. I’ll do my best. But for them not the floor.”

   2-P channeled greenish ‘niceness’ energy into his hands and put them both on the hand of the stranger. As he concentrated, he connected his consciousness with theirs: a swirling vortex of thought and feeling. The energy there was nothing like what 2-P had ever felt before; it was much more intense, vibrant, stronger even in their injured state.

   Their inner self was curled in a ball, crying. 2-P made his way over to them and held out his hand. The stranger stopped crying and looked up. After a long moment of hesitation,  they took his hand. 2-P pulled them up on their feet and into a hug, and after a bit, they hugged back.

   Back in the physical plain, the leaking had indeed stopped and the stranger opened their eyes. The eyes were quite different from what 2-P had come to expect. Instead of dark all around and white in the middle, these were white all around and darker in the middle, with rings of blue just before the darkness. It was like they were glowing, but not quite. 2-P couldn't help but stare curiously.

* * *

   Tempus woke to a pair of eye sockets staring into her soul. She stared back, unable to utter a single syllable, until her hand throbbed and she gave an involuntary, “ah!” and went to rub it only to find a metal plate there.

   The smaller skeleton's hands flew to their mouth in concern. “Oh no! Does it still hurt? Of course it does, mine hurt for a long time afterwards. I did my best. I could-”

   The initial shock wore off and Tempus breathed a little. Yeah, it still hurt like heck, but it was manageable now. She realized this little guy was responsible for erasing the pain. She smiled weakly and managed a “thanks.”

   The smaller skeleton still looked concerned when they said, “It's the least I could do.” They weren't really that small. They were about Tempus’ size, maybe an inch or two taller, come to think of it. The skeleton’s face was the spitting image of Gaster’s, but 150% more innocent and less...broken. They were clothed in a green hospital gown and on their skeletal right hand gleamed a plate just like hers except it read ‘WDG-2 P’

   Gaster had said there were 2 others: ‘artificial constructs.’ She thought he meant robots or something, but this was more like a... clone. The WDG marked him as one of Gaster’s belongings,The ‘2’ stood for Subject 2, but what did the ‘P’ stand for? Gaster had said something about voice signatures, which seemed to be fonts judging by her signature ‘Tempus’ and Gaster's first name ‘Wingdings.’

   Tempus remembered that it was a symbol font, which must be why he was surprised she could understand his voice. She knew it because she and her best friend used to write secret messages to each other in wingdings. It was easy once you got the hang of it. She went through all the ‘p’ fonts she knew, trying to decide how their voice matched up. One of her favorite fonts was called ‘Papyrus’ and it seemed to fit, especially when put in all caps, but she wasn’t sure why. She decided to test her theory. “My ‘T’ stands for Tempus, my name, which also happens to be my favorite font and apparently what my voice sounds like. Your voice reminds me of the Papyrus font. Does the P stand for Papyrus?” she asked.

   “Papyrus? I haven’t heard of different ‘fonts’ But I like it! I am usually called Subject 2 or 2-P or Brother, but if you want to call me Papyrus, then I don’t mind at all.” he beamed.

   “It’s nice to meet you, Papyrus” she said sincerely.

   Papyrus’ eye sockets seemed to sparkle at that simple statement. Like he never heard those words used like that before and he enjoyed hearing it. “Likewise!” he responded.

   Gaster was watching their interactions carefully. Like he was ready to intervene if the big bad human lifted a finger against his creation. He was oddly protective over his ‘artificial construct.’

   Just then, another skeleton entered the room. “you left the cell unlocked, so i figured i was allowed to follow....who’s that? they have a hand plate...did you make another...no, it doesn't make sense. they're not the same. where did they come from? what are you going to do with them?” This skeleton was dressed like Papyrus, but they were shorter, and had a rounder face with bigger eye sockets that had white pupil-like dots in the middle. If Tempus could pick a font for them, it would definitely be ‘comic sans’ but she thought it better to ask them first.

   Before she could, Gaster stepped between them. “Stay away from Subject 1.” He ordered, surprisingly protective.

   “Why? You didn't say anything when I was talking to Papyrus. What's the difference?”

   “The difference is that Subject 1 is incredibly fragile. Even the slightest injury could prove fatal to him,” Gaster explained.

   Tempus knew a thing or two about being labeled as ‘fragile’ and she hated it. “I’m not going to hurt him! I just want to meet him!”

   “A likely story,” Gaster said, but moved aside anyway. “Any funny business, and you are going to regret it deeply,” Gaster threatened unnecessary. Of course she would regret it if she hurt someone!

   Tempus threw Gaster a glare, and moved towards the smallest skeleton.

* * *

   the person was different than anyone 1-S ever saw, but that wasn't saying much when he only ever saw two other people his whole life. they were about as tall as his brother, give or take a couple of centimeters. they looked like a skeleton wrapped in some sort of squishy material with some brownish yellow fluff on top that draped their head and went just past their shoulders. their features were pleasant enough, he guessed. again, he didn't have much to compare them with. the most striking feature were the eyes: white with black dots instead of black with white dots. each had a ring of blue around the black, as if they were glowing, but it wasn't quite the same effect.

   “Hi, my name is Tempus, what's yours?” asked Tempus. the name suited them. it seemed to match their words, though he never heard of any ‘Tempus’ before.

   “my given is name Subject 1, or just 1-S. i am also known as brother, if you want to be nice, i guess.”

   Tempus frowned thoughtfully, “How do you feel about Comic Sans, or maybe just Sans to be casual?”

   1-S didn’t know what to make of this. he knew ‘comic’ meant funny, and ‘sans’ meant without, but the way tempus said it, it seemed to mean something different, something better. ‘Comic Sans’ sounded like something that resonated with his being; it felt right and he liked it. his face cracked into a smile, “sure. if you wanna call me that, i’m game.”

   Tempus smiled, “Sans it is then.” they held out their hand and sans stared at it, unsure what the gesture meant.

   Tempus cocked their head to the side and frowned a little. “Don't you know how to greet a new pal?” they seemed a little sad and concerned.

   sans shook his head. he had never done much greeting at all ever.

   Tempus sighed, “I guess I should have expected this. If you ever meet someone new, however unlikely,” they paused to glare at Gaster (sans was beginning to like this person) “the nice thing to do is take their hand in yours and move it up and down, like this,” Tempus did as they said. it felt kind of nice. their hand was soft and warm. sans smiled a little. then frowned as he felt the plate and realized that gaster had already hurt his new ‘pal.’ did that man ever take a break from hurting people?

   “Do you not like it? I’m sorry. You don't have to shake hands, it’s more of a suggestion. Not everyone does it. Heck, some people don't even have hands. It's just something I'm used to.” Tempus reminded him of his brother a little, the way they apologized like that.

   “no, no. it’s not you it’s gaster. he drilled a plate on you too. it seems new. does it still hurt?” sans asked. his plate hurt for days after he got it.

   “Yeah, it’s still pretty sore. I just got it a few minutes ago. It was awful. I passed out and everything. But Papyrus healed it so that the pain at least isn't as sharp.” sans hatred for gaster grew in conjunction with his love for his brother, along with sympathy for his new pal… ‘pal’ didn't seem right. too distant, despite them having just met.

   Papyrus came over to join the conversation as well. “I’m glad I was able to help,” he said. “Brothers like us should stick together.”

   “Brothers? What do you mean-oh! you guys haven't met any girls before, have you?” Tempus asked.

   sans never heard that word before. he looked over at Papyrus and he looked just as confused. If gaster knew, he didn't say. he just put his head in his hand and sighed, exasperated, though sans couldn't imagine why.

    Papyrus went ahead and asked, “What's a girl?”

    Tempus answered patiently, “Being a girl means a lot of things, but the short version is I prefer to be referred to as ‘she/her’ instead of ‘they/them’ or ‘he/him’ or especially ‘it.’ It also means you would say ‘sister’ instead of ‘brother.” for some reason, her face glowed a bit red and she was smiling a little at the end. she was different, but that made her interesting. of course gaster had to spoil it.

“Alright, that's enough. It is not your sister. It is not related to you in any way. Come on, all of you. We are heading back to the cells.” gaster said with a note of finality. whatever. he couldn't stop sans from calling Papyrus brother. now he was determined to call Tempus sister. he didn't quite know what the relationship should be between them, but he felt like she deserved it. like Papyrus said, brothers and sisters needed to stick together.

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[allenmendezsr]

Covert Hypnosis.

New Post has been published on https://autotraffixpro.app/allenmendezsr/covert-hypnosis/

Covert Hypnosis.

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From: Kevin Hogan, Psy.D

Date:

Dear Friend,

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Hi, my name is Kevin Hogan. for the last 20 years I’ve studied what causes people to behave in very specific ways and how to generate those desired behaviors. the author of over a dozen books, including, The Psychology of Persuasion, which has sold over a million copies worldwide.

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I just got back from Poland where I spoke at The National Stadium. I’ve worked with the government of Poland. I’ve helped a number of key political figures in Washington D.C.

The press says that I’m the go to guy for everything related to reading a person.

In fact, the New York Post reported my analysis on the body language of former US President Bill Clinton regarding his affair with Monica Lewinsky.

Soon after, I analyzed the nonverbal communication of Hilary Clinton, Judge Ken Starr, Starr’s Staff, and numerous other figures in the news story of the year.

Later, I was consulted on the body language of Al Gore and George Bush for the BBC during the 2000 elections. Heck, I was the first person to go public and tell the sporting world that Cleveland would lose LeBron James to free agency.

I’ve used the power of Covert Hypnosis in a successful program to get little kids off drugs. I put together a modality that got inside of these kids’ heads and literally changed their minds, against their will (to quit doing something they wanted to do – take drugs). This project was recognized by US President George Bush and Mrs. Ronald Reagan.

And yes, I’ve revealed this top secret information to the government of Poland to make strategies that fight the spread of HIV/AIDS.

I’ve shared my expertise about body language, persuasion and influence with all four major television networks and the nation’s largest newspapers. They include the New York Times, Playboy, the BBC, Fox Television and dozens of popular magazines including Redbook, Success!, Selling Power, Cosmopolitan, Woman’s World, Mademoiselle, First for Women, Psychologie Netherlands and Wprost.

I developed covert hypnosis, and have spent two decades researching and then training body language and persuasion after years of trials-and-error, And now, you can leverage from my knowledge and years of experience to accomplish your most desireed goals and dreams in no time!

If you want to shave many years off your learning curve, start on the right track and experience the full power, then you can count on me to give you the necessary covert communication talent you must have.

“My income increased 40%…”

Thanks for putting out the great information. I love it when Kevin brings out a new program – it means I’m going to earn more money.

My income increased 40% last year! I see great things in my future.

— Tom Reilly-Smith, Ontario, Canada

How Does Covert Hypnosis Work?

I began with covert conditioning and have now developed this 18 year old technology. Covert Hypnosis is about changing people’s minds and behavior intentionally.

Don’t think for a moment that this is a spin on NLP.

NLP is not covert hypnosis. In fact, conversational hypnosis is not covert hypnosis. I developed Covert Hypnosis to share the science of human behavior, not a philosophy of mind.

This occurs with the use of subtle, subliminal or silent cues (or triggers) in the environment; from the use of space, time, nonverbal communication and sometimes words that prepare the mind to respond in a certain way.

It directs the mind into using motion, action, nonverbals, questions and priming – mostly things you can’t see or hear.

Now here’s the good part. Covert hypnosis is subtle influence that allows you to move people to a point where they seemingly can’t control themselves.

Using covert hypnosis, you’ll never hear a response such as, I don’t think that’s true, or,There’s no way that can happen. Why? Because they’ll unconsciously trust and believe you, often without even knowing why.

They just feel GOOD about YOU.

With this ability, you’ll be able to paint a clear picture onto the landscape of another person’s mind.

Are you beginning to realize what this can do to your life?

Many people think covert hypnosis is about language patterns. While that can be true perhaps 1% of the time, you don’t need to ever use language patterns for invisible influence to be effective. I intentionally keep everything you’ve already learned about hypnosis OUT of this book. This material is cutting edge.

Once you master covert hypnosis, you have the ability to change the way people think – and decide – with the use of targeted questions. You get compliance when words would otherwise fail.

You get to maximize the important parts of nonverbal communication, which extends far beyond elementary body language and NLP.

Did you know?

Free! Covert Hypnosis and My Secret Persuasion Files

In this 8-day power course, you’ll discover:

How to read people’s minds and know what they will decide…so you’ll be steps ahead of them.

How to apply covert persuasion tactical power.

7 white-hot persuasion tactics that are guaranteed to work.

10+ powerful strategies that bring them to YES in selling and everyday life!

You Magazine’s exclusive interview with me, Kevin Hogan, on the science of silent communication.

The secret to mind control. How to tell their past and future, and accurately predict what people would do next!

18 ways to handle the argumentative person.

How to influence minds through stories.

And more!

Please register below to get instant access:

* Your Email is completely confidential. I will NEVER share it with anyone and you can unsubscribe at anytime. I hate spam as much as you do!

Biggest Challenge with Covert Hypnosis – Solved!

Covert hypnosis is a securely held body of knowledge. Those who know the secrets are not telling. If you hold something that can give you have an overwhelming edge over others, would you share this with the world? Most probably not.

The real masters of persuasion rarely publish their secrets in books, articles, or anywhere. If everyone knew these secrets, their techniques obviously would no longer be as powerful.

And even if someone was willing to mentor you:

How would you find them?

How would you approach them?

How would you get them to reveal their secrets?

How much would it cost you?

What questions would you ask?

It becomes more and more complicated… and time-consuming. But not anymore, because I’m finally revealing the secrets of covert hypnosis!

Now why would I share this powerful technology to the public? Because I know that once I give you this information, you would almost certainly be appreciative and want to do something nice for me or someone else. If you could earn $10,000 more money this year than last year from my methods, would you tell your friends about this book? Of course you would! That’s The Law of Reciprocity at work. In 1995, I coined the phrase The Law of Reciprocity, to bear tribute to Dr. Robert Cialdini’s valuable principle of reciprocation.

That’s why I’ve made it super-easy for you. I know the secrets everyone is burning to know.

When you’re able to tap inside the minds, attitudes, beliefs or emotions of people, you possess the key to getting anything you want. It’s like having a magic lamp by your side, granting your wishes anytime you desire.

In this case, your knowledge of invisible influence allows you to make people fulfill your desires and dreams for you.. without hesitation, and even with the thought that they’re gaining the upper hand.

Btw, this information might be helpful to you:

From No! to Yes! in a Heartbeat. The Facts of Asking for What You Want…and Getting It

“Would you prefer the full page at $2000 or the 1/4 page at $750? I think I’ll go with the 1/4 page. OK great.

It was always this easy:

* Two options. * Big price distinction. * Customer purchased the smaller option almost all of the time.

Research shows that when people turn down a large request they often comply with a significantly smaller second request.

Of particular interest is the fact that if the second request is made by a different person than the first request, compliance tends to reduce.

Finally, the shorter duration of time between the two requests, the better chance of compliance. Best? If the request comes in the same conversation!

Is Covert Hypnosis Ethical?

That’s entirely up to the person using the tools. You wield a very powerful sword. Please do the right thing. It means a lot to me that you do.

This new technology is like remote control for television. You press the buttons and instantly change the mental and emotional inner channels of people by channeling your communication in very specific desires and drives.

This is an incredible power that you must use with utmost care because you can change the outcome of any situation by changing people’s way of thinking and decision process.

Can you get people to do things against their will with covert hypnosis?

Of course you can – whether in therapy, in business or at the bar on Friday night. That’s what this has been designed to do – to get past resistance and reactance.

Against someone’s will doesn’t necessarily mean that they don’t want X. It means they’ve folded or been unable to do X. The girl might say “no” not because she doesn’t want to say yes, but because it’s her emotional response to say no….This has to be disengaged for persuasion to happen. For that, you use covert hypnosis.

Please use your new skills ethically and legally, because this knowledge can be dangerous in the wrong hands. However, it can dramatically improve your life if you use it responsibly.

Just imagine your clients demanding that you sell them your products! With this ability, you’ll never have to worry about what to do or say next.

Everything will happen according to your thinking. You can predict outcomes and events like Nostradamus, because you’re in control of any situation!

Covert Hypnosis Gives You a Dramatic Edge

With covert hypnosis:

You get to be an unstoppable moneymaking sales machine.

You get to effectively lead and control any group of people.

You get to win the toughest negotiations.

You get to easily influence anyone to go out with you.

You get to have many friends who like, trust and believe you.

You get to be an in-demand speaker.

You get to be a highly paid copywriter or advertiser.

You get to have your dream job.

You get to persuade anyone to do anything for you!

The more you read, the more you’ll realize how using covert hypnosis can put you on the winning edge of life.

Listen, you’ll never know the amazing opportunities and possibilities that can happen until you’ve applied your new skills and talents to your everyday situations. I can guarantee you’ll be astounded with its sheer simplicity and power.

If you’re ready to become a world-class influencer in a way far superior to street hypnosis, then you’ll be thrilled with all the mind-altering secrets I’m revealing in my 100,000 word book, Covert Hypnosis: An Operator’s Manual.

Everything you’ll read in this material has been thoroughly studied, researched and tested. What you’re about to discover in the science an art of persuasion is new to you and unknown by everyone else.

It’s written with clear examples pertaining to either therapy or selling situations; but of course, the steps apply equally to dating,teaching, training, relationships, social settings and simple everyday activities.

What Makes My Book Different from NLP Products?

Most products that say they are “covert hypnosis” are really about conversational hypnosis or NLP and require you to babble endlessly while someone else is supposed to sit their in rapture.

It’s not real.

That’s not what Covert Hypnosis is.

NLP and conversational hypnosis techniques require you to speak volumes to have control. But with covert hypnosis, you don’t even have to speak to take control of other people’s minds. Here you learn the core drivers of human behavior and ask one or perhaps two questions. Once you’ve mastered the technology it is quite simple, but I confess it is not a remedial study. It does require an intelligent mind to connect the dots!

Using covert hypnosis, you’ll be able to control almost any scenario and subtly influence others to your way of thinking…quickly and sometimes instantly.

Others who have come and written and attempted to teach Covert Hypnosis, don’t know how to measure what works and doesn’t work.

They truly believe that what they experience is what will work for all. This is a recipe for failure. People who practice NLP alone rarely become successful, because the scope is too narrow and the bulk of the material is untested.

I’m sure you’ve experienced this by now as well.

It is what it is.

I did the research, applied the techniques in real selling/life experiences and have simplified them into easy-to-master concepts. All you have to do is push the right buttons and – people do what you want!

I give you hundreds of questions you can ask that will arouse a desire or urge in another person. No one else does this. And it’s far more important than any of the “hypnotic language patterns” because questions produce desired states instead of resistance of patterns.

Persuade 40 Times Faster?!

I didn’t think it was possible either.

I was given that challenge by a sales manager working for a billion dollar company. Specifically they were making bids on jobs and not finding out for MONTHS whether they would get the sale or not. It was ridiculous.

Using the tools and techniques you will learn, you’ll turn months into days, days into hours and hours into minutes.

What you are about to learn greatly cuts the amount of time you have to use in the persuasion process. 30 seconds replaces two hours!

My personal motive is to show people how to persuade others quickly and effectively. The less resistance or reactance that is experienced, the better off everyone is.

Lightning-fast compliance is the name of the game in covert hypnosis.

It has to be. If people don’t agree quickly, they regret their decisions later.

That’s exactly what you get with this special download. You’ll find out every necessary tactic from a real-world sales/influence speaker and author who profits daily from this information – and not some self-proclaimed expert trying to sell you something and only they profit.

In fact, I promise you that you will make more sales per call starting now, for the rest of your life.. guaranteed, if you apply the techniques in this book. Eveything in this book is tried, tested, and true. They are proven to work!

Why spend months (or years) muddling through the process of trial and error when you can learn from a successful internationally known speaker who has already finished that process FOR YOU? You can immediately benefit from what I’ve discovered in my real-world learning experiences.

“Brought my career to the next level…”

“Phenomenal! My first run through the COVERT HYPNOSIS Manual is so powerful & enriching. The knowledge within has empowered me and brought my career to the next level.”

— Christopher Horne, Minnesapolis, Minnesota

The Fast Track to “Yes”

What is the fastest way to reap the profits from covert hypnosis?

The best way is to get inside the mind of an expert. I first used covert hypnosis to successfully get kids off drugs and eventually our collective work was recognized by the first President Bush. Perhaps a question would be… how much would you trust me?

Now what’s the slowest way to success? Buy lame how to and self-helpbo oks that give you all sorts of promises about getting anyone to do anything, anywhere, anytime. Unfortunately, most of the people who publish those books have never tested – or profited from – the theories they sell you.

If you fall for their hype, you could end up spending years on trial and error; or worse, you might be using techniques that either don’t work or could put you in trouble.

Would you not rather obtain a model that works, and have the absolute certainty that it does work, because you are modeling someone who has profited from the things you wish to achieve?

The Most Closely Guarded Secrets of Covert Hypnosis Revealed!

Underground secrets are the best kind. The kind that your competition doesn’t know….yet! In my book (and in the related articles on my site), you’ll discover:

15 specific non-verbal communication techniques so you can control them through your actions alone.

The basic steps to become a master of covert hypnosis, so you can be in the top 20% who earn 80% of the money.

Secrets of the multi-billion dollar corporations to control the inborn genetic programming within each of us.

The Formula to find magic words of persuasion.

How to stand and sit with people, to ensure they will like you and believe your message.

How genes influence people’s decisions and how to know in advance what they are.

The basic thinking process of covert conditioning.

The 53+ mind-altering words that change people’s thinking and decision process (verbally and in print).

How to use 20 of the most powerful hypnotic language patterns ever spoken.

The 16 core desires of every person you meet, so you’ll know how to satisfy their wants and urges. Knowing them makes motivating others and getting them to buy from you easy and instantaneous!

The 1 new secret metaprogram that no one has previously discovered.

Hypnotic questions that help you direct the thinking of others.

The startling truth about distraction and confusion.

How to use suggestion in changing the way people see and remember things.

2 complete models for presenting material to others in a persuasive manner.

How to make minor alterations in your physical appearance to influence others.

How to tell a compelling story that covertly delivers your real message.

Covert techniques for breakthrough sports performance.

Surefire strategies for pre-hypnotic therapy.

How to double, triple, or quadruple your income using the power you now have in your hand!

How to know anyone’s personality and true emotions just by looking into their eyes.

How to change people’s minds by simply appealing to them at an instinctual level.

A secret to ensure your products and services stay in high demand.

How to develop loyalty to you that makes future selling a formality -guaranteed!

The unbreakable laws of persuasion. Most people are not aware of these laws, and it’s costing them big time.

How your client decides and how to know in advance, so you can craft the perfect proposal proposal; most fitting to his needs and wants.

How to control the software installd in your client’s mind.

How to make your client experience the pain of not working with you.

Easy-to-understand Mind Access Points to tap your clients’ DNA.

How the enemy can make sales for you.

10 highly-powerful persuasion strategies for the 21st century. These techniques work accurately every single time.. without fail.

How to reframe your request to get them to say YES; after they said no;.

How to predict human behavior with accuracy.

How to create unlimited demand for your products or services.

The motivating forces that drive humans.

How to change your products or services, so people will insist that they buy from you.

How genes influence your clients’ behavior, so you can pull their genetic strings.

The secrets of writing powerful copy.

3 key magical questions that will let you know another person’s values instantly.

The 21st century covert hypnosis model.

How to build rapport, identify the driving needs and wants of others, and understand how and why your client buys.

The most powerful law of selling persuasion based on scientific research.

How to get your clients out of the mistakes of the past.

Secret ingredients of covert hypnosis

Specific words and phrases that yield amazing results in gaining compliance.

How to reframe problems into opportunities.

And many more!

Communication and Body Language Secrets I’ve Shared Only with the Biggest Companies!

With this hypnotic technology, you get to be a master of unconscious communication.

Unconscious communication is the sending and receiving of verbal and non-verbal communication as it is perceived by the unconscious mind. It is that part of our thinking that we are aware of at any given moment. It’s always there, always paying attention and always communicating.

In fact, the way you look, smell, your posture, your movements, what you wear, and how you speak can unconsciously affect how other people treat you.

In my book, you’ll discover the most astounding communication and body language secrets, including:

How to change the way someone looks at something, so you can alter how they feel about that exact same thing.

How I read US President Bill Clinton’s body language to determine if he had an affair with Monica Lewinsky.

Key rules in seating location for maximum compliance.

How to accurately interpret and make effective eye contact. When your eyes become larger or blinks repeatedly, what does that mean?

How to look and send the right message, at the right time, with your eyes to make yourself look more attractive to people.

How to look into your client’s eyes and instantly know whether they like you or not.

Body language that turns women on.

How to know if a person is excited, frightened, attentive, aroused, or turned on by looking into their eyes.

How to make a good impression with your partner through body language.

How brown-eyed and blue-eyed people’s personalities are perceived.

How to know if someone is lying through their eyes.

How to make your client fall in love with you even before you say a single word.

How perfume or cologne can affect your sales.

20 tips to look “perfect” for your client. Exceptional advice on how to dress, wedding ring, fingernails, eyeglasses, weight, beard, make-up, teeth, hair length, shoes, jewelry, etc.

10 Do’s and Don’ts of shaking hands.

The most powerful nonverbal process you can use on an audience to entice them to buy your product.

How to make presentations to groups

29 body language points to make your sales soar.

10 vital laws of unconscious communication.

And many more!

Will Will Your New Skills Work In Any Situation?

If you use the hidden influences to convince someone to do something that cannot benefit from your idea, product or service, you will not develop the long-term relationships that are necessary for success in business and life.

Other than that, this book will show you how to eliminate the competition, if necessary. The power to overthrow your competition is in your hands right now.

Using the tools in this book, you’ll be able to read minds. You’ll know what program is running in their minds anytime, and see what strings; are in play and ready to be pulled.

Your confidence will soar! People will beg you to sell your products to them, because you know how to magnify and satisfy their desires.

Get The VIP Treatment If You Order Today,

. Enjoy These 5 Super Bonuses (Worth $460.00) For FREE!

I deliver what I promise…and then some. When you order Covert Hypnosis today, you’ll also get special bonuses as my way of congratulating you for taking the exciting first step to fantastic communication success!

Alert! These bonuses will be removed anytime, so act now or you might be kicking yourself for a long time.

Bonus #1 Free 1-Year Subscription to the Coffee with Kevin Hogan Weekly Newsletterr (Value: $97.00)

This is not just some throw-away newsletter that you”ll glance at and move on to the next e-mail. This is like sitting down once a week with a friend, coach and mentor who knows the secrets to become wealthier – with just words. Discover new secret techniques and information each week. And it’s yours free for a whole year!

“Your Coffee is fantastic…;

“Your ‘Coffee’ is fantastic–thanks for producing it each week. I feel like I start the week ‘sharpening the saw,’ as Covey would say. Thanks for acting on your talent and sharing it with others.

— Daniel Kriss, Director of Marketing, McKendree College, Lebanon, IL

Bonus #2

Covert Hypnosis: Changing Their Beliefs From No to Yes (Value: $47.00)

This 30-minute audio answers your most burning questions about how to use hypnotic persuasion to cause people to change their beliefs so they respond positively instead of negatively to you.

Bonus #3

Influences Best Kept Secret (Value: $47.00)

This 30-minute audio reveals what no one knows about hypnotic persuasion, …no one except you.

Bonus #4

Questions that Cause the Illusion of Control (Value: $97.00)

In this 27-minute audio recording, you will discover the secrets to a little known secret of hypnotic persuasion. How do you cause the other person to believe that they have control of themself, others, and the environment.

(Extra Special) Bonus #5

The Advantage You Have Because They Don’t Know What you Think (Value: $27.00)

Most influencers are so concerned about persuading the other person, they forget that the other person has no idea what you… are thinking, are feeling, are wondering, are fearful of. And because they never think about it, you don’t control 50% of the conversation; you control all of it. This 32-minute audio shows you how to utilize this little known secret to your advantage.

What is unconscious influence?

How is it used to help people?

Can it be used maliciously?

How can one identity and protect against malicious attempts?

Many more!

What else will be covered? You’ve got to invest in Covert Hypnosis to find out!

You get all these amazing bonuses (worth at least $460.00) for FREE if you order Covert Hypnosis today.

How Much Is Covert Hypnosis?

Listen, my fee for speaking is $25,000.00 for whole day seminar events, and $20,000.00 for half day events around the world, teaching the same secrets and tactics you’ll discover from the Covert Hypnosis book (which you can read at the comfort and privacy of your own home).

With the enormous fees I charge, you’d probably be expecting to get the Covert Hypnosis book at a high price. But here’s where you’ll be glad (and relieved) you’ve read up to this point. That’s because you can get Covert Hypnosis (and all the 5 super bonuses worth $460.00) today at a one-time, outrageously-low investment of only $997 $497 $197 $97 $47!

You might be asking, “”Kevin, are you crazy? Why are you doing this?” Let me explain.

I believe in helping people and contributing to society. I’ve helped tens of thousands of kids have a better life.

I expect YOU to give back as well.

The more that lives improve as a result of reading my material, the more good karma flows back. And since there’s no printing and inventory costs (it’s in downloadable format), I’m passing on the savings to you. It’s a win-win for everyone, don’t you agree?

Frankly, $47 is nothing compared to what you’ll be able to do, have and become as a covert hypnosis user. $47 can get you what – a dinner for 2 at a fancy restaurant. Can you pass that one-day treat in exchange for a lifetime of satisfaction and happiness?

Just imagine the changes you could make in your life when people yearn to do anything your heart desires. What exciting future awaits you?

You could earn thousands of dollars extra per month. You could make countless friends in a flash. You could feel secure and have peace of mind knowing that you’re in control of your future. What would all these be worth to you?

Now you know the reason why people are still very willing to invest $25,000.00 in my seminar. Fortunately, you can discover the same methods from my seminar in the Covert Hypnosis book, and your investment is only $47!

Warning! This is a very special offer that may end anytime (Anytime either means tomorrow, next week, or any date when you least expect it). Please don’t contact me when the price increases to $197 or higher, because I want to keep my word. I hope you understand.

Take the Easy Shortcut to Persuasion Mastery!

If you delay, you lose. You don’t get many chances at real shortcuts in life.

No need to muddle through tons of “incomplete and useless products. This is the gold standard. You’ll get the exact same methods that has lead me to a master track of persuasion success.

Remember, I’ve done the testing and research. I’ve recorded the data. I’ve already made and corrected the mistakes for you, so you can succeed the first time you apply these techniques.

I’ve succeeded beyond my wildest dreams – with my words and actions. Wouldn’t it make sense to learn from my achievements, find out WHY they work and how they will work for you too?

100% Guaranteed to Transform Your Life, or You Pay Nothing!

You will be instantly directed to the download page once your payment is confirmed, so you can start controlling your destiny at once. No waiting involved. Covert Hypnosis is in PDF format. It can be viewed on any computer (PC or MAC), and can be printed out.

If you don’t seize this opportunity, how will you know what you could have accomplished with this information? How will you discover what might be holding you back? How will you learn from the victories (and costly mistakes) of a flesh and blood successful international speaker who has already reached your dream?

Days from today, you could be having the best times of your life, or you could still be in the same place as you are now. Your future is in your hands right now. Please make the right choice.

If you truly want the power to blow the lid off of your life, re-design and define it the way you want it, then you have to act now!

The Power is Yours,

Kevin Hogan Best-Selling Author, International Speaker and Business Consultant

Network 3000 Publishing 3432 Denmark #108 Eagan, MN 55123 Telephone Number: (612) 616-0732 Email: admin (AT) kevinhogan DOT com

P.S. You’ll never know the tremendous potentials you’re missing until you experience the power of covert hypnosis.

P.P.S. This top secret information gives you an overpowering edge over everybody else. I personally guarantee that you’ll be extremely glad you got this book.

P.P.P.S. This might be the most important material you’ll ever invest in your entire life, and I’m serious. Why? Because nothing else comes close to making an immensely positive impact in your life as this manual.

Experience the power of Covert Hypnosis now!

Copyright 2018 by Covert Hypnosis Developer, Kevin Hogan All Rights Reserved

Disclaimer

[morethanamillennial]

How Severe Lack of Sleep Has Changed Me

For a number of years now I have been partaking in a particularly self-destructive habit and unfortunately still am, though I am hoping to break it. Around 5 years ago I got into a cycle where I became addicted to going on my phone and would stay up until the early hours of the morning on it. First it would be until 12am, then not before too long it was a regular occurrence where I would stay up until 2am on any given school night. This became progressively worse and before long it was becoming a regular thing that I was getting 3 hours or less of sleep. At the time of writing this, by my calculations I have accumulated the equivalent of at least 190 days of sleep debt but it is probably much much worse. In part I could say this is fuelled by my addictive personality but that should be no excuse. It was an extreme weakness on my part and I gave in to something which gave me temporary gratification.

One horrifying result of my sleep deprivation was that it started leading me to ‘switch-off’, so to speak where I would not care about anything for days or weeks at a time. During these periods I would become severely burnt out to the extent that I had no energy during the day and would often times nearly fall asleep during the day. This was particularly detrimental to my school work as I got into a state of self-deceit and delusion that I could magically catch up on hours spent not doing homework, revising for exams or doing coursework. It got so bad for example that I believed I could finish a whole art project in the space of a night with a deadline being the next day. And if I did meet deadlines it was barely and to a very poor standard that just allowed me to scrape by. I have always been a procrastinator but this magnified that to absolute extreme. It put a strain on the relationship with my family and I became a compulsive liar in an effort to cover up my slipping grades. When my parents did eventually find out it was too late for them to help me and it drew a wedge right between them and me.  I was exceedingly selfish and it brought out the absolute worst in me. I developed traits I would now compare to sociopathy. I had little sense of empathy for my actions at the time nor did I seem to recognize what I was doing was damaging to myself and my relationships with others. I began to withdraw from the world and simply put lacked any interest in maintaining close relationships so I withdrew as well in that sense. Another trait was also me becoming increasingly deceitful as I would lied with little effort to try and cover up the fact that I was failing as well as being late to school. I became incredibly compulsive staying up late at night on my phone and binge watching the latest show I became hooked on as my fix. Sometimes it could also be social media but it wasn’t always. Then there was the fact that I also lacked any responsibility for financial obligations and would be very impulsive for example, I swindled my savings impulse purchases for items I did not really need. In the end this only. In short I wasted two years of my life and in the end I was forced to drop out. Physically my severe lack of sleep has caused me so many health problems. All of which I acknowledge are down to my pure stupidity. There are so many changes I can note. First and foremost how it affected my body’s ability to heal itself. From taking well over a month to recover from a cold it took my peers barely a week to recover from to having a near permanent cold sweat. Another consequence being when I lie down at night I can no longer breathe properly facing chest down trying to get to sleep at night and it takes months for me to heal from even the smallest cut which now always leaves a permanent scar. My hair also began to fall out in droves and I began to notice an increase in gray hairs even though I am still too young at 19 years old. At night I often get a flickering in my eyes which dosen’t stop and have poor circulation. When it comes to mental health I have seen a huge decrease in my ability to function and get by. I frequently have misunderstandings with people about situations and scenarios leading to lots of miscommunication. I also have become socially unaware and cannot always read people’s body language which also leads to miscommunication. My language comprehension has suffered significantly as quite often will forget how to pronounce words and often second guess myself when speaking aloud. Several times a day I will get sentence structure wrong which I used to get right. I now suffer from extreme anxiety attacks which will come on at random. I also formed emotional detachment when it comes to people and animals. – Such as where it came to my pet rabbit. I failed to look after him and once went 3 weeks without cleaning him out. That really haunts me.  When it comes to the specifics I could make a long list of countless more points as to how my severe lack of sleep has further affected my physical and mental health over the years. – However, if I am to sum it up briefly lack of sleep has made me a ticking time bomb. I am a heart attack or a stroke waiting to happen. I have been tired for so long that I no longer think I can say I know what it feels like to be awake. And I acknowledge that by not putting my name on this article I have committed an act of cowardice. I am too afraid to reveal those specifics as I admit I am afraid. I am deeply ashamed for what I have put anyone through and sorry for any distress I have caused to my family, friends and teachers over the years. And from a teenager to anyone out there reading this, I strongly urge you to discipline your children or whomever you know has a problem, when it comes to phone usage because I would hate for what has happened to me to happen to you or someone else. If you or someone else you know has a problem please seek professional help and make sure yourself or them is held accountable.

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[phatbulousfashionista]

Going under...again.

I’ve been in my head over the past couple of weeks about this.  Should I share? Shouldn’t I? Is this too personal? Is this anybody else’s business?  Do you really want the whole world to know Tia...

Well after much back and forth and strategic procrastination, I ultimately decided and finally got up the gumption and nerve to share this very private thing with you all...

2 weeks ago today, on April 11th, 2017 at 7:30 am, I underwent bariatric surgery for the second time in 8 years.  

The procedure I had is not as common or popular as some of the more well known procedures: lap-band, gastric bypass, or gastric sleeving.  I underwent a procedure known as a duodenal switch (DS) which is a combination of a restrictive approach (which is what the band and sleeve are) and malabsorption (which is what bypass is).  In this procedure, the small intestine (the duodenum) is rerouted in order to prevent the absorption of certain fats and nutrients (malabsorption). During the second part of the procedure, a sleeve gastroectomy is performed in which a portion of the stomach is removed, leaving it resembling a banana.  Hence, the name gastric sleeve. This portion is considered restrictive because it restricts the amount of food one can consume at one time, thus leading to weight loss.  In layman’s terms, the surgeon goes in, rearranges some stuff and cut some stuff out to help you lose weight.

I can just about imagine the look on some of your faces as you’re reading and you’re probably wanting me to just cut to chase and explain to you how in the hell I got to the point that I would undergo this process not once, but twice.  How does one’s weight loss struggle lead them down the path of risky surgical intervention twice in 8 years?

Nine years ago, when I first made it up in my mind that I wanted to pursue the surgical route, I was at my heaviest: seven pounds shy of 400 pounds.  I mean I was literally looking 400 pounds in the face! Now up to that point, I had tried and had been somewhat successful at various weight loss interventions.  I had done Weight Watchers, gone to a couple dietitians, tried my own weight loss and exercise regimen.  In fact, I can even remember my mother taking me to Jenny Craig when I was in about fifth grade. ( Yes, fifth grade! I’ve been at this weight loss thing my whole life!) Anyway, none of them created long lasting and/or extensive results.  I would get overwhelmed and discouraged at the thought of losing an entire person and a half “naturally”.  It just didn’t seem rational or doable in my honest opinion.  So I did some research, and I finally decided that surgery was the best route for me.

Now up until that point, the only bariatric surgery I was familiar with was gastric bypass and I was absolutely terrified of it.  I had heard the horror stories of how they slice you down the middle and rearrange your guts and how painful it all was and about the risk of death from complications.  But more than all that, I was discouraged by the way people who had undergone bypass looked.  They all seemed to have the “lollipop syndrome”.  You know, where the head looks really big and the rest of the body looks really small.  And I heard about the skin. Oh Jesus the extra skin! I was terrified of losing a large amount of weight and not looking like myself; but a saggy, big-headed version of someone that used to be.  So when I spoke with my doctor and told him of my concerns, he referred me to my hospital’s bariatric program.  It was there that I first learned of the lap-band procedure which was all the rave at the time: a procedure in which a silicone band is placed around your stomach laparoscopically, reducing the amount of food one can eat, thus causing weight loss.  It was a laproscopic procedure which meant no slicing me down the middle which meant shorter recovery time and less risk.  The weight loss would be a slower process than bypass which meant my body would adjust to the weight loss easier which meant less saggy skin and no lollipop syndrome.   I thought, “Yes, yes! This is the answer! Lap-Band it is!” Sadly I was mistaken...

In preparation for surgery, I went through six months of nutrition and group counseling with other bariatric patients (which I honestly hate but we’ll explore that on another day).  I underwent a battery of medical and psychological tests to ensure I was fit physically and mentally fit to undergo a major surgery, and finally I had to go on a liquid diet for 3 weeks.  Morbidly obese people (which I am unfortunately considered) have enlarged livers.  An enlarged liver makes it difficult to operate on the stomach. So I was put on liquids in order to shrink my liver.  Those were thee hardest 3 weeks of my life! Oh and did I mention it was Christmas time?? I was weak, pale, fatigued...miserable! While the rest of the family ate Christmas dinner, I ate chicken broth and drank V-8.  It was pure torture.  But my mind was focused on the end result: smaller, healthier, happier Tia!  In that 3 weeks, I lost nearly 35 lbs!  And on December 26th, 2008, I went under the knife and would come out a new woman!

The first few months after surgery were great.  None of my clothes fit; I had to buy all new clothes.  I had a collar bone.  I could cross my legs.  My knees weren’t hurting anymore.  I was working out with a trainer.  Eating right.  I mean life was good...  Except the vomiting.  Oh and the times my band would slip out of place causing me excruciating pain.  Then the weight loss plateau.  Then the realization that I NEVER made it out of the 300s.  And that, in fact, the most weight I had lost was when I was on the liquid diet pre-op.  

Now, don’t get me wrong.  I had lost about 4 dress sizes and had gotten down to a size 20 in jeans (I used to be a 26/28 or 30/32).  But it bothered me that I was still holding steady at around 330.  Then this past year,  I saw my weight slowly creep back up to the tune of a 40lb weight gain.  My knees began hurting again.  My clothes no longer fit me.  I noticed I got easily winded.  Things that I was so glad to be able to do like cross my legs, I could no longer do.  I was devastated. I was disappointed.  I was disgusted...

So I began my research again.  I began looking up the data on Lap-Bands. And lo and behold, the research now shows they aren’t really effective for the morbidly obese and that a great majority of people who had bands had them revised to other procedures.  Ain’t this a blip! So here I am with this foreign object in me, that may times causes me discomfort, and it ain’t even working! WTF! I decided to go back to my same primary care doctor.  He heard me out.  He listened to my frustration and he understood.  He told me he supported me and he would do whatever he needed to do to make sure I got what I needed. He referred me to the University of Chicago Center for Surgical Treatment for Obesity, and in December 2016 I began my bariatric journey all over again.

I have to say the team at U of C is amazing!  They have taught me so much and they are truly passionate about their patients.  At my initial consultation, I met with the psychological team, the nutrition team, my nurse practitioner, and finally my surgeon.  They listened to me, they addressed all my concerns, they gave me tons of information and answered all my questions.  The most significant moment was sitting with my surgeon one to one and going over my options and what he felt was best.  It was during this conversation that I learned I should’ve never gotten a band.  He explained to me that a person with my BMI (52) is not a good candidate for a band because bands simply aren’t effective in enabling significant amounts of weight loss.  He told me that he doesn’t really even do them anymore because in his experience they don’t work. Period.  He was visibly upset that a surgeon recommended and pushed banding on me without providing me other alternatives. He wished he had known me 8 years ago.  He also expressed to me his disdain for surgeons who claim that the band is reversible; its not.  It is removable, but not reversible because of how they stomach is altered due to the scar tissue caused by the placement of the band and the port.  Before I knew it, I was looking this man in his eyes with tears in mine.  I felt both anger and relief.  I was angry that I wasn’t presented with all my options.  But I was relieved at the fact that it wasn’t all me.  I didn’t fail the procedure; the procedure failed me. It was in that meeting that we decide I would move forward with the removal of my band and would revise to a duodenal switch.

Again, I went through the pre-op medical stuff: medical tests to ensure I was physically able to withstand another surgery, nutrition class, and pre-op diet (no liquids this time: just high protein, low carb, low fat).  And on April 11th I walked through the doors of the University of Chicago Center for Care and Discovery, said a prayer, kissed my teary-eyed mother goodbye, and went into surgery.

Recovery this time has been way more intense.  The Lap-Band procedure is a relatively simple procedure.  I went home that same day.  However, the DS is way more involved and required a couple nights’ stay in the hospital.  I was in a great amount of pain in the abdominal area.  My energy is extremely low.  I’ve been on pain meds and stool softeners and some other medicine for my gallbladder.  I have to take give myself 2 injections per day in my side which has left my stomach a mural of blue and purple bruises. If I don’t inject myself, I run the risk of getting a blood clot which could cause death. Some days are good; others not so much..  

So back to how I got to this point. I was tired of being fat yall.  There is no other way to put it.  I love myself.  Don’t get me wrong.  But my weight is something that I have never been totally comfortable with.  I have dealt with it.  I haven’t let it keep me from living life totally.  But I wanted it gone.  And this is what I felt was best for me.  Yes, I know some people say, “just eat right. Work out. Be disciplined.  You’ll lose it!” And while I don’t disagree with those methods, in fact I STILL have to do those things, that simply was not enough for me.  People struggle with losing 10 to 20 lbs.  Can you fathom losing 200?

Contrary to what others may think, weight loss surgery is NOT the easy way out.  This is THEE hardest thing I’ve ever had to do and I’ve done it TWICE.  Surgery is only a tool!  It doesn’t work on its own.  I have to still work it.  I have to be disciplined.  I have to be focused.  I have to be determined.  Now more than ever, because at this point my life literally depends on it.  I have to take about 6 dietary/vitamin supplements for the rest of my life.  If I don’t, I run the risk of malnutrition and other health complications.  So no, this is’t easy.  Not by a long shot.  But when you’ve been fighting the war on weight literally all your life, there comes a point where you have to make some hard decisions.  And this is what I decided.  I know my family and friends were concerned and quite frankly some were not in agreement, whether they expressed it outwardly or not.  But again, this was a decision I had to make for me; no one else

For those of you who may be considering, weight loss surgery, please take into consideration the above-mentioned things.  But first and foremost, have a real conversation with yourself.  Ask yourself, is this what you want? Why do you want it? Are you looking for an easy out? Are you ready for the changes that will come with it? Are you strong enough to stand in your decision?

Remember at the end of the day, this is about you, your body, your health, your happiness...