#this one was a rly cool one hed been stuck on it for a while but i figured it out after a few minutes Not dissing him just proud of myself

[itsalwaysdark]

everytime i help my dad solve a puzzle in a video game i feel like theeee smartest guy on the planet

[chikkou]

Talk more abt your interests or we're selling you to 1 direction(jk I just like listening to you ramble about things cause you have a lot of cool and indepth opinions)

OH GOD OH FUCK PLEASE DONT SELL ME MOM AAAAAAAAAAAAAA

honestly its SO sweet to ask this and im rly glad u guys dont mind when i ramble about shit no one knows or cares about LMAO... i honestly struggle to reel it in sometimes bc i can just go tf off kdfgd

one hyperfixation i rarely have the opportunity to talk about on here is my lifelong OBSESSION with fairy tales and folklore.. ever since i was a kid ive been in love with all kinds of fairy tales!! im very partial to the brothers grimm because they just collected so many of these stories, but i have a very special love for lesser known ones, and ESPECIALLY the original versions of popular ones bc they tend to be so much more different than people know

for example did u know that in snow white, the apple was the evil queens THIRD attempt to kill snow white? the first two attempts were a corset tied too tightly and a poisoned comb, both of which were thwarted by the dwarves coming home from work like 5 minutes later dgkfjgndf

and did u ALSO know that that story ends with the evil queen being invited to the wedding of snow white and the prince, only for them to force her to dance in red-hot iron shoes until she died?? they really didnt play in those stories LMAO

what i find really fascinating about these kinds of folklore (and this applies to general mythology too) is that a lot of times you can easily tell which stories were originally the same story that got either repurposed or retold with different details, as almost every fairy tale was originally shared orally, and therefore details were changed and/or were forgotten between tellings.

for example, there was a fairy tale i read years ago about a character named buh nansi who was caught stealing from a king and was captured. as the king decided what to do with him, buh nansi begged not to be thrown into the ocean as he could not swim and would surely die. the king decided to throw him into the sea, and buh nansi swam away freely as he told the king that the ocean was his home and hed just set him free.

there was ANOTHER one i read abt a selfish rabbit who refused to help the other animals dig a well, and so was banned from using it. however the rabbit ended up drinking from it anyway, and as punishment, the animals created a wolf out of tar to keep it away. the rabbit first reacts accordingly, but when it tries to talk to the wolf and the wolf doesnt answer, it gets angry at the disrespect and swings at the wolf, causing it to get stuck in the tar. the animals find the rabbit the next day and try to decide what to do with it, so the rabbit begs them not to throw it into the thicket, which they of course do. the thicket catches the tar and sets the rabbit free, and it brags that the thicket is its home before it runs off. sound familiar?

if not, let me spoil it for you - both of these stories are more modernly associated with the uncle remus br’er rabbit fairy tales (these were some of my favorites as a kid). the br’er rabbit story is that br’er fox, who is br’er rabbits enemy, wants to capture him, so he sets up a tar doll (or tar baby; incidentally, this is a VERY racist term now LMAO) in the road to trap him. br’er rabbit comes upon the doll and bids it good morning, but the doll (obviously) doesnt answer. br’er rabbit gets angry at the disrespect and eventually tries to smack the doll, which of course gets him stuck fast to the tar. br’er fox comes along and grabs br’er rabbit as he decides what to do with him. br’er rabbit begs the fox to do whatever he wants, as long as he does not throw him into the briar-patch (its just thorny brambles basically), which he is deathly afraid of. this of course prompts the fox to throw the rabbit into the brambles, which sets the rabbit free and he escapes while bragging that the briar-patch is his home

all three of these stories are essentially the same tale retold very differently - and, fun fact, “buh nansi” is actually anansi, a trickster god seen in a LOT of west african and caribbean folklore. also, both “br’er” and “buh” mean “brother” (which becomes obvious if u say them out loud LMAO), and are used as terms of respect. br’er rabbit is a little more new than buh nansi and the rabbit story - the uncle remus collection was published originally in the late 1800s, while the other stories have likely persisted for centuries. transparently, br’er rabbit is an amalgamation of these two stories (and probably many others), and was repurposed to fit the environment that the storytellers were in; in this case, they would have been slaves living on southern plantations, thus why the story had to be retold to cut out anansi (a non-christian god). almost every br’er rabbit story i can think of is actually a retelling of a traditional west african fairy tale, updated to suit their circumstances.

its honestly pretty fucking fascinating, and there are quite a few stories that share a lot of commonalities like this if you look! not just the southern folklore either, but pretty much any folklore you can think of dates back much, much farther than you might know. as a quick thing, if youve ever heard of the “firmament” in the bible, that is referring to a layer of water surrounding the earth which was believed to cause rain and, if too much water fell onto the earth, floods. but, if you can believe it, this did NOT originate with the bible - the idea of the firmament is actually a holdover from babylonian mythology, which makes perfect sense as the writers of the bible would have been IN babylon at the time of the firmaments inclusion, and therefore would have been influenced by its own folklore!

ok i can talk about this forever so im gonna stop myself here but like. yeah fairytales and shit are fucking cool LMAO

[cherrythot-s]

i feel funny today. probably bc i did drugs last night and even tho i didn’t rly feel it that much it was still weird to sleep like i don’t think i fully slept and then i found out my dog was missing in the morning and i was so worried and literally silently crying at work because i was so scared and worried. If anything ever happens to my dog i don’t know what i’d do. i don’t even like to think about it omg. he’s been there for me thru so much stuff. he makes me feel so loved and happy. i remember being so fucking depressed after my first break up w my ex and me coming home to no one bc my family was on vacation and the only thing i had waiting for me and showing me love was my dog. he helped me make myself get up bc even if i didn’t want to eat or go outside i knew i had to take care of him and get myself to feed him and play with him outside. I love him so much i was so worried and blaming myself and feeling so awful like a terrible person i feel like i don’t deserve my dog lol. he’s an angel. i hate feeling inadequate haha. like uudhgkgoej i hate that i’m so insecure and feel so ugly and weird so often. i hate always needing someone to hold my hand thru things. i want to b independent and confident and happy. my aunt keeps telling me to apply at the school district she works at and i really want to but i don’t think they’d hire me so i don’t even want to try lol. im just so scared of failure and rejection haaaa. there was this other job i looked at and they told me to send my transcript and i haven’t because i’m so embarrassed by it lol. it looks so bad. like why would they hire me???? i hate that i let my fears and insecurities stop me from doing things. i get stuck. i’m trying to b positive and stuff but it’s hard sometimes. and i’ve been thinking abt like relationships n stuff lol ew. i hate that i like being in a relationship. i like having a partner. i like doing things for someone and taking care of them and making them happy. there’s this guy that like makes me so confused sometimes lol ugh i hate that i actually care bc it makes me think that i do like him but at the same time i don’t think i do haha like there’s just some things that tell me no i don’t like them lol but idk maybe i just don’t want to like them. :| we’ve been friends for a while and hed literally go to me for advice abt girls in the past so like when i remember certain things they kinda make me feel bad? just bc i guess i compare lol. but tbh i’ve been trying to like not feel bad abt these things bc like ok maybe he doesn’t like me enough to b a certain way or do certain things for me and that’s ok!!!! there’s plenty of other ppl out there who would LUV 2 b in my life and do those things or whatever. i like to think i’m a great partner??? like once i’m in luv and shit lol but i kno i’m not the best ok. like i know i sometimes struggle to validate other ppls feelings or show affection but u just have to give me some time and make me feel like i can b that way bc i’ll b so sure of their feelings and devotion to me. bc i don’t want to b that way until i’m sure they feel the same way. i’m so indecisive tho lol like in every one of my past relationships i would finally agree to b w them and then immediately want out bc im scared and i know that’s like not cool lol. :| i’m just a pussy. seriously. ha. can’t let fear control my life tho. just have to keep taking things day by day. OMG almost forgot to write abt my lesbian ass experience. :| my cousins gf called me a pillow princess LOL she’s kinda right lol at least when it comes to girls i think. idk i haven’t rly had enough experiences. but this last time was ummm interesting. :| still feel mostly straight tho ngl. i feel kinda embarrassed bc one of my friends was there and i don’t think he’s ever seen me wild out like that :| he’s a nice boy doe i know he wouldn’t judge me lol. i’m glad that i’m like living my life tho. so crazy. i didn’t think i’d get this far fr haha. glad i’m still here tho. :-) 👍 have to keep looking forward to the future bc it’s gonna b great.

[chikotos]

speaking of That my mom is finally recognizing that when I say “i dont feel good” it doesnt mean i have a cold or sth its that Uh, im probably experiencing suicidal thoughts and cant express it well (or at least smth along those lines) and my house has been dirty cuz i havent cleaned in a while or i cant keep it clean and she n my sister cleaned an area and i repeatedly told her not to bc shes always using my sister to do things im not adequate enough to do on time and its rlly not fair to her even if she doesnt realize it cuz like shes only 12 & we dont ever even talk so she shouldnt have to take care of someone 5 years older than her.. and i was gonna clean but I basically slept all day so i could just clean alone at night when I feel safe to walk around the house . i wasnt even tired idk why i slept but now im eerily awake and maybe will be umless i force myself to sleep

its so lonely here and thats only hit me like this year cuz all the time before I would go through periods of hanging out after school maybe.. twice a year? and only hanging out with one person whod have many friends but theyd b my only friend which is a problem i tend to have. but it jst got to the point where im realizing, i think cuz i was in my schools drama program n exposed to lots of friendships, that im jst like ,really fucking lonely. Which is unfortunate because ive always been such an internal person at home and have been able to work creatively but thats all like leaving me? art doesnt make me happy anymore because i dislike my art so much and havent had a platform to share it in so long and i guess I thrive on other ppls opinions of it? and I definitely cant write anymore. I havent been able to zone in on an interest in MONTHS and thats left me creatively drained, a lot. 

I think im starting to rlly, RLLY redirect my complete attention from interests to ppl (which always ends well am i right lads) and it isnt fair to ppl who like, have others and need space and time etc or Uh, dont even know me. but its like a switch like , I can either be creative or i can feel loved and Boy Howdy, do i need both,

its just weird cuz im the only one in my family thats emoitonal like this and I think thats why i feel so isolated. like im not exxagerating when I say my dad has 0 friends tht arent family. my mom has work friends she will hang out with maybe 4 times a year not for work, but shes always complaining abt social situations which I can understand. maybe my siblings r like that too but my sisters young n focuses on minecraft n stuff n hangs out w friends more than me n we barely know each other so its not like id know, maybe my half brother is but whens the last time hes wanted to talk to me right. like i cry all the time and all it does is make my dad angry at memfor being incompetent and make my mom think its her fault and my sister confused and jst takes up everyones time

and its jst all v strange. like i was kinda raised 2 not have friends, inadvertantly i guess. i can remember my mom trying to make me feel better about something along the lines of u can b okay w/out friends if u have family but she jst told me friends dont matter and im never gonna talk to ppl i meet at my age as an adult, so it stuck w/ me and i started to make moral judgements on ppl on small things we could talk out like say, they use homophobic language sometimes but im sure theyd respect me enough to stop, but id make those judgements before we could befriend each other n take a chance, kinda to protect myself from attachments? but later in life ive found ppl who dont do stuff like that, and thats when i focus in on them im an unfair way to them and they r the only person/group of ppl in my life, etc etc and idk how to stop because im so scared of hanging out w/ most ppl alone i guess? but ill still be here, thinking about like example (namedrop bc he doesnt have me tumblr anyways) my friend jacob tht never hung out w/ me outside of school but i fuccin loved that kid n he just stopped talking to me over the summer n ignored my text i send first day of summer and now we see each other and talk briefly but its like he wont let us be friends anymore and smth like this always happens and its So

and tbh how can i expect it to not happen when i limit myself so much n they will have plenty of other close close friends when i dont? and i think ive gotten better but idk anymore. 

and uh, unrelated. I think my dog ive had for 12 years may have to end up being put down this year. hes got cataracts in both eyes and skin diseases and back problems and teeth problems (hes inbred) and hes losing his hearing too and for the past two weeks hes been peeing everywhere and we can let him out but he cant climb stairs anymore n he has to walk them to get to our yard and im the only one w/ the patience to pick him up (hes only 8 pounds) n put him in the yard bc my parents will jst scream at him n my sister doesnt like dogs and hes got seperation issues w me and whines when he cant be in my room which is the farthest from the door out n stuff. and its like rlly stressful my mom will scream at him in front of my sister n brother n me and the other day she said my dad grabbed him by the neck and threw him out on the concrete cuz he peed inside and hes so tiny that thats just gonna make everyting worse and its notmlike i can stop them bc why would anyone listen to me and hed prob b fine for s few more years if he lived in a patient house with ppl who would take him to the vet but theyre prob gonna put him down early snd its gonna b so weird w/out him

when i showered earlier i took s razor with me w/ the intent to cut my thighs, and i did a little, but i never ever draw blood wnd its strange. why am i given these urges when im so fucking terrified of blood. itll still leave marks n stuff but it makes me feel weak ? n ill bruise myself up instead but its never the same. and im such an advocate for help w self harm but i cant for myself. its like i subconsciously want 2 get caught ? idk. i did throw my razor away though and the others i have r rusty and im not THAT much of a dumbass so i dont have options to self harm anymore unless i get new ones. lifehack

and uh lol, having no schedule n it being summer my eating habits r SHIT. it always hurts to eat p much, its at different times n most of the time i just snck only or i dont eat for hours n see black spots n stuff. and when i dont eat its not a body image thing (im nt rlly happy w my nody but its not sth not eating will help with) its cuz i dknt wanna go upstairs for food where my dad is n the snacks r downstairs so its easier, or cuz i forget or cuz i like, want to punish myself? but im too lazy to self harm. its weird

n since ive stopped id’ing as ace officially my internalized lesbophobia has gotten so much worse . im so repressed and lost ans sad, nothinng rly makes sense? I either fall in love w/ anyone who flirts with me or i focus on someone who ill never fucking talk to or see again and imagine countless scenarios n set myself up to b sad. i seek validation from ppl on it but nothhing comes out right or i just cant say it, because other than when i make myself the butt of gay jokes i just cant sven get the words out of my throat that im gay cuz im jst so ashamed and disgusted with myself. ive been looking at pictures of guys lately cuz ive been trying to force myself to like them. back when i thought i was pan it always felt safer bc i could always just love a cis guy or whatever and everything would b okay for my family ykno. and its such a shameful thing for me bc my irl friends who im out to, most see me as v confident abt it at least a little bc im loud abt it u kno, and make all sorts of jokes, and i jst know so many would b surprised or like sad abt that

i want to stop liking girls so much. like holy shit. i have so many straight girl friends and i hate it when they flirt with me because lik, none r my type so i feel nothing but then i feel like i shiuld then feel like No i shouldnt then feel like i shouldnt even be around them bc im a gross disgusting creepo dyke predator. n they always use the excuse of me having a gf so its fine id never hit on them well like, now im single so i have to be DOUBLE careful not to b affectionate w them as im w all my friends and itsssssssssssssmjshfjhdjfhsjdhjshdjshdjhsjdhsjhdjshdk

and i like, think abt this girl alot n yea its romantic even thomwe never fucking talked n rlly i do that w lots of girls and its making me lose out on friendships bc i wanna b their friends somehow bc i think theyre very cool n stuff but i cant stop hodling on to stupid daydreams n idealizations i get to distract me when im sad n its jst stupid like i know its dumb but guess whos boutta keeeeeeppppp doin it??!!!!! boy!!!

and i try so damn hard to talk feeling out, n talk abt who im attracted to n stuff w ppl, n i try so hard to gush but i cant cuz smth comes outta my mouth and then i cant speak past that and no one ends up rlly knowing how i feel, bc ANY time i talk abt anytingngay related abt me its what happens. and i listen to others talking abt tht stuff and i jsut get so god damn JEALOUS bc idk how to express myself 

all these inadequacies n shit is making it rlly hard to see how,im gonna b on my own n its always been like this. at TWELVE YEARS OLD i came to fhe fucking conclusion that i was just gonna kill myself when i turned 18 so i didnt have to deal with all this and i was OKAY WITH IT and i just went through life knowing that and hiding it and so rarely questioning my inevitable suicide as a childc so instead of dealing with all that n my problems n getting better i let myself get worse cuz uh, fuck it right

idk its all just occured to me how im not a fully functioning human being, in seberal if not all aspects of my life, its weird. now that I actively want to live and realize i uh Kinda have to simce ill b the legal guardian of my brother its all very scary

sorr i was all over the place and all the typos i didnt mean anyof them n im not crytyping like, i cried a bit but i jst hate typing kn thsi shitty tablet keyboard, n dont wanna spellcheck. if u read through comgratulations also please dont message me abt like the self harm junk n my dog n stuff like, whatever ur abt to say. I Know my guy 

time to go uhhhhhhhhhhh daydream about impossible gay shit with guilt in the back of my mind

[mingyou]

ahdjfh he would definitely look good??? but i totally agree now that i think about it aditnehfi. maybe he'd be a majorette or flag??? bc if not percussion i could only rly see him as maybe saxophone or trombone?? ,, also abouT FLAG LINE.... im feeling china line! and hoNestly im rly glad you brought it up bc i've never thought about it??? i love band and i've been in it for like five years now and mixing two things i love??? svt and marching band??? yes i am here for this. i will gush with you

i feel like hed be a sax!!!!! i can really see him in like..... 6th grade picking saxophone bc he thought it was cool and it was more lowkey at the time bUT THEN IN HIGH SCHOOL HES WATCHING PERCUSSION AND REGRETTING HIS DECISION (THIS WAS ACTUALLY ME SMH)AND YES when u asked me about who would be in percussion i was kinda like.......... perf team would be good w rhythm too but nOPE WE STILL HAVE GUARD SO!!!!!! GUARD IT IS FOR CHINALINE i can just imagine them practicing tosses w each other (either w flags or rifles) and seeing who could get the most spins or get the highest and one of them getting it stuck in a tree...... bUT WHO WOULD BE GUARD CAPTAIN i vote hoshiSAME ive been in band for so long but i have been thinking abt this au for a while but never felt the courage or need to say anything abt it bc 1) only fucking NERDS talk abt marching band 2) only NERDS talk abt kpop 3) the combination of the two?????? MEGANERD so thank u for gushing w me.......

[raitrolling]

charon is my favorite, can we get some deets about him?

omg im glad but i also gotta question ur taste in taste in trolls cuz charon is legitimately the worse lmao

but anYWAY if ur just looking for simple facts, check out his toyhou.se profile, but otherwise cuz i didnt know what to write deets-wise i ended up getting carried away textwalling the entire history of charon’s character so enjoy?? i guess????

charon was my first troll who i made way back in late 2010, sometime after i caught up with the comic (which iirc was the make her pay flash). at first i was like ‘lol fantrolls are a dumb idea why would you make characters if alternia no longer exists in the comic’, but then i discovered the trollslum board on mspaf and the types of really creative trolls people had come up with and now 6 years later im still stuck in fantroll hell LMAO. but charon didnt rly have much of a concept back then apart from doing the thing im sure a good 70% of people making their first fantroll did and choosing the lime green colour thats supposed to be in between sollux and nepeta, as well as wanting him to be some creepy dude who loves blood and fighting because i was still in my edgy phase back then rifp

this pic here was the oldest one i could find of him, i lost a lot of my 2010 arts when my old external harddrive corrupted, and the oekaki i used to draw him on no longer exists so i cant grab anything from there either. i cry looking at the horrid anatomy omg

so then i started rping him on mspaf (which was the first time i rly rped, apart from randomly jumping into other peoples rps on other forums when i was 10 cuz i didnt know wtf it was but i wanted to be cool and write characters too lmao) and he just kinda developed from there i guess?? since he came from a friendless background he ended up getting really attached and protective of the friends and quads he ended up making, which ended up being taken up to 11 and turning into his obsessive tendencies he has now (though i ended up retconning all his past relationships because at the state hes at now, he would never be able to move on from losing so many people and id be stuck with Yet Another Ball Of Angst OC)

the story about his lusus has been changed a couple times too, originally kitedad was just some big angry bird who was attacked by another troll so charon was seeking revenge, but then retcons happened. somewhere down the line i was like ‘yknow charon’s p full on when it comes to trying to help his friends to the point where hed definitely try to hurt them so he could keep them safe, that mustve come from somewhere’ and now we have the awful abusive/codependent mess that exists today

i think a lot of his development came from the way i kept reinterpreting his behaviour too. ive mentioned on this blog a couple times That Weird Black Butler Cosplayer I Almost Dated Back In High School, who, while im sure he meant well, said and did some real creepy shit like turning up to my house unannounced as he found out where i lived cuz we took the same bus home and had memorised the route, as well as turning up uninvited to parties (dressed as fuckign sebastian. i wish i was joking. even my 2011 ultra weeb ass thought that was embarrassing) i was going to because there was gonna be alcohol there and he thought i needed ‘protection’, and also texting me this incredibly detailed dream he had of saving me from bullies and whatnot and that just made me go HOLD ON THIS BEING PROTECTIVE OF SOMEONE THING IS ACTUALLY REALLY WEIRD so i wanted to channel that kind of creepiness into charon. also his guilt trippy tendencies and making everyone’s problems about him is the same shit people have pulled on me before so lmao.

tho that being said, ive never really intended for charon to be 100% irredeemable?? he’s really only ever been intentionally malicious to those who have hurt him or his friends, so he’s more... incredibly misguided to the most extreme degree. he knows what behaviours get what he wants, but doesn’t understand that those behaviours are harmful to others, and he’s hopelessly loyal and protective, but these traits are coloured by the fact he’s got a poor sense of boundaries and doesn’t recognise when he’s going too far. he’s an interesting character for me to write, but finding that exact balance has always been difficult and i still dont know if ive got him pinned down properly yet. i always get happy when i post something related to him and i get messages from people who are just ‘holy shit charon’, it makes me feel like ive done a good job at capturing his character lmao

he kinda came full circle in a sense, from horrible edgy disgusting creep to somewhat of a nice guy with the occasional weirdness to legitimate disgusting creep who happens to also be a nice guy?? idk unlike a lot of my trolls who have gone through a lot of development charon is one of the few who still has a lot of his core concepts, just refined greatly