#this one took forever for me to be able to fill out bc i dont watch tv....

[chlmtsdoll]

my suggestion could be i dont know if you seen this show called the l word before but there is a character named dana fairbanks and she RADIATES tashi duncan energy. so if you could maybe make a dana fairbanks inspired tashi duncan x reader or if you haven’t seen it i was thinking former model reader x tashi is a good one too 🤍

I’ve literally always wanted to watch the L word and I’m gonna have to start it soon bc I GET what you mean omg !!! And former model reader x Tashi hits my niche on the NOSE. This took me forever to publish bc I just had so many ideas I wanted to go with 😭 so I hope this is good !!! 🤍

IS IT A CRIME TO WANNA SHINE ?

✩ Pairing: Tashi Duncan x reader

✩ Word count: 3k

✩ Summary: your a wild and free it-girl, adjacent to a life going on to be an inspiring top model when you suddenly meet Tashi, you then start to crave even more

✩ Warnings: eventual smut !, gxg, age gap (reader early 20's) Tashi mid to late 30’s, failed!marriage Tashi, fingering, slight angst, spanking, cursing, degrading, pet names, needy reader, brief mentions of substances, Tashi went blonde after her divorce (blonde hair Z during the Challengers press tour)

Your life was casting calls, early (or late night) rehearsals & fittings, caffeine runs, flights back and forth around the country, and fashion show after fashion show, after party after after party..

You loved the career you were lucky enough to pursue, you had all the beauty, ideal body, and money. You’d been on top of the world but you were also twenty two and nearing burnout.

Your love life was non existent unless it was last minute hook ups, and you’d go home to a cold bed. Empty hearted and longing for someone to make it all change.

And it did change rather quickly when you met her.

“Um- excuse me, can I get by ?” You covered your eyes as lights and flashes blinded you. Trying your best to maneuver by meddling paparazzi, and your few body guards were barely any help. You were rising to the top but still hadn’t always been able to get the best protection which was essential for a young girl like you — even though to the outsiders it had seemed your life was so glamorous and beyond, even a dazzling starlet like you had struggles. It wasn’t always pretty.

You had finally been able to scurry to your limo and you were taken off fast to your next destination, an after party hidden for only the most relevant socialites and models in the industry. You’d known a few athletes and actors would have been there too since the club was well known yet anyone hardly got an invite.

Even you were declared lucky enough to be attending as you were still merely just an it-girl trying to find her place on the scale. When security tried to stop and ask you for verification because you looked far underaged, you rolled your eyes and dug through your thousand dollar Versace bag you did not pay for, to pull out your id.

Just a walk around, say hi to a couple known faces, and go home. We have an early rehearsal tomorrow.

You had a drill. The dozens of times you’d gone to these parties, you learned it was all a tactic,. simply being just work and networking for you — you were on a schedule. As much of a sex symbol your agents tried to present you as, deep down you’d still been this shy and reserved girl from your home tow, only difference is you just knew you had bigger places to be.

Lights low and music blaring throughout the place filled with bodies and people way too into their own self obsession to notice you after a while, all you wanted to do was have a smoke, maybe a drink. You’d known as big as the space was there had to be somewhere you could get away.

You headed upstairs to another area that was a bar as well, but much more relaxed. No club lights flashing and heels clashing against the marble floors by influencers hanging off their nearing the grave “boyfriends”.

But there had been one person sitting at the bar, and there had definitely been some interesting heels.

You’d seen the back of her excellent lean body. Almost in a way that was unreal. Legs had been slender and long, you had to double check if you’d been hallucinating at the sight of her.

She’d been wearing a full sparkling silver dress that had a pleated skirt with a few navy blue stripes lining it. It was preppy but in a glamorous and classy way.

Her skin tan and soft short blonde curls sat on her shoulders, it gave you a Marylin Monroe feel. And her heels — you’d never seen anything like them. They were Louboutins with tennis balls on the six inch heel ?

You took a breath as you examined her figure, stepping in the quieter room, you’d gone straight to the bartender as they asked your drink preference.

“Um, a gin and tonic please ?” you thanked the bartender before turning to peer at the woman a few feet from you, her hair draped over most of her face and all you could really see was her perfectly sculpted nose.

“Are those… tennis balls on your heels ?” You questioned softly, and the blonde had looked up at you, striking brown eyes searched your face under her lashes coated beautifully with mascara.

You had swallowed over a new lump in your throat at her gorgeous features. Never had you seen a woman so beautiful.

She’d look so familiar as well, you couldn’t tell if it was nolstagia, but you could of sworn you had posters of her on your walls when you were young- oh my god.

It’s Tashi Duncan.

The blonde highlights had thrown you a curb since you always remembered her with brown hair, but you remembered she had been much older since the days when she was every tennis girls idol in your eleventh year. Plus, you’d heard she’d gotten a divorce with her star tennis player husband, Art Donaldson.

Either way, fuck had the blonde complimented her eloquently. You’d been completely mesmerized by the way it framed her face.

“Oh these ? Yeah, they’re Loewe.” Her tone smooth as she looked down at the silky white shoes with a striking heel, neon green from the balls just tying it all together.

“I-I love them,” later you’d scorn yourself for stuttering like some starstruck fan. “Are you debuting in fashion week this year ? Not to be a bother but, you’re such a huge inspiration for women like me..you’re amazing.”

You shut your eyes quickly. You sounded way too juvenile. But Tashi had showcased a small flattered smile as she examined you face. You expected her to be unbothered and just walk away, after all you were merely just a dumb little model girl, frolicking around New York on a trust fund to her. She was a powerful and sophisticated woman who worked hard for everything she has. With all her shit together and much more life experience than you.

“No, I um.. I’m here for the fashion, but what to add to my company’s new roll out. I’m looking for models to campaign for me as well, but no luck so far. A lot of these girls all the same, and the designers they walk for pussy.” she spoke over her glass of vodka and your eyes glossed over with an immediate burn of yearning taking over your body.

You had forgotten that after Tashi stopped playing tennis from her infamous injury, but she hadn’t stopped there. She became one of the biggest business women in the industry, with her name tied to multiple brands. She was richer than your worth to be standing next her right now — but you were a strong believer in destiny. And being told she was looking for models to run for her brand,

She might as well say she’d been looking for you.

“Oh, that’s.. awesome. I’m walking in Milan for Vera Wang in a fortnight. But yeah, they make this all seem so serious but a lot of it is bullshit.” You thought if you threw in some pretty words she’d take you seriously. Coming from being in this industry since you were sixteen years old, you knew your way around selling yourself quick and sharply. In desperate hope she’d maybe let it run through her own to let you model for such a woman like herself. That you weren’t just one of those model girls.

“Lovely.” Tashi’s eyes graced over your tall slender body, you’d been so happy you went with a shorter Chanel dress and not the leather Prada pants you we’re pondering on. “You play tennis ? I know a lot of younger models love to think they’re all tennis players these days.”

You couldn’t help but let out a tiny laugh at her joke, but it had been true, you nodded over your glass of gin.

“Yeah, I play a little here and there with friends. But nothing like your upbringing, my god, I could never.”

“Don’t underestimate yourself.” Her eyes had narrowed but still sparked all the way, and she’d glanced at the way you licked your lips shorty. Your face heating up at the way her finger ran around the rim of her glass.

You couldn’t help but think about them sinking into your mouth.

Tashi took a breath to lean back against her chair, then she had leaned up to asked the bartender for a pen and napkin. When he brought it back to her, she had started scribbling on the paper, her slender fingers manicured with a nude color.

“If you ever want to model for me.” She handed you the napkin with her number and you’d feel like you had to stop breathing for a moment. Not even most high class brand deals had ever gotten you all flustered like this, but when it came to hot older women, you’d been like putty. You couldn’t deny it.

“Oh my god.. okay, okay I’d love to. I’ll contact you.” You had given her a girlish smile which you rarely ever did, it was all about resting bitch face, and to Tashi’s defense she had quite liked the lightness too you. The hope I’m your eyes that far too many girls your age had given up on already. She knew you had a spark.

In that moment, you had been already getting prepared for the dreams you’d have that night about being Tashi’s favorite and best model. When you said you wanted to be on top, you meant here.

And that was three years ago.

And not only had you become her best model, top seller in everything you wore, shown off on your angelic like body, making all your friends from your intern Jobs at Vogue envious with hate — that you’d eventually bump up even higher to becoming her girlfriend, but then that extended when you became the Tashi Duncan’s ex supermodel wife.

Now at the ripe age of twenty four, you’d no longer needed to run around to casting calls and auditions, nor even model unless either you desired too or you’d been offered to walk in fashion week.

You’d been promised a life of luxury. With Tashi by your side, letting you be her pride and joy that took her even farther to the next level. Your days had consisted of being a stay at home wife, going on yachts, accompanying her to photoshoots and work dinners, and you would even play tennis often in your free time with you and Tashi’s shared wealthy friends.

You had the life you’d always wanted in the palm of your hand, never did you honestly have to lift a finger. And definitely no thinking on your feet or wondering when the next spontaneous adventure would be really.

And as enticing as it all was, it could at times get a little mundane even for you.

“Make sure she arrives to her lessons on the dot. And I don’t want tv time running to late when practice is over.” you over heard Tashi on the phone with her mom whom was watching over her daughter Lily while the two of you took a quick work trip (flying to Europe.)

You’d been on Tashi’s private jet just about to take off in due time, and you watched as your wife sipped on a cup of Matcha by one of the window seats. Her light colored locks pulled up into a French roll, and some of her bangs hung over her lashes.

She wore a suit dress, white with fabric silky of the softest kind. The way she wore the blazer had her glowing tan skin on display. A true sight for sore eyes.

She was beautiful in every way, and not even your own overachiever mindset could still grasps the fact that she had been your wife overall.

“Okay. Love you too, bye.” Tashi hung up the phone and dropped it onto the table in front of her in a unbothered manner as she went right back to her laptop to check emails.

You, observant and always in witness of the life you two had altered together, watched her. Pondering by the cafe station that was stocked with dozens of different flavors from teas to lattes and all kinds of milks and creamers to choose from.

You’d always gone with almond.

“We have to stop in Florence. There’s a dress fitting you have to attend with Ralph Lauren for this seasons collab.” Tashi spoke to you in orderly to you as she hadn’t even looked up from her laptop screen to meet your eyes. She took a sip from her cup and went right back to typing, you had scoffed and shook your head a bit as you pushed away the container of sugar in your hands,

Leaning against the counter, you remembered when you’d been in your honeymoon phase with the woman you loved most. Happily traveling across the country with her full attention on you. You missed that rush.

You missed her.

“Oh..” you trailed on, voice reluctant as you looked down at your cup, dark black tea. You didn’t even need to look because now you’d known Tashi’s eyes had found your figure from just a few Louis Vuitton sit cases away.

“Yeah ? What’s up ?” Her voice was light although you knew she had picked up on your distance. Now giving you full attention of whatever you had been disproving of from just the sound of your voice.

Her eyes narrowed for a moment at your puzzled expression, finger tips hover the rim of her mug.

“I just thought we’d get Dior this season.” Is all you said. Standing up straighter and looking at the woman who nodded.

“Well, they haven’t decided on if we can or can’t do a campaign this year, it’s been a couple of years we’ve been trying. You know that.” Tashi answered as she let her mug down and you’d known the slight annoyance in her voice all too well. You bit your lip a little in thought.

“I just thought this would be the year. I want Dior, I want to work with them this season.”

Tashi looked at you with a blank expression, trying not to play this game she’d known you’d been treading on for a while now, and you tried not to break a grin at her switch in demeanor to your obvious attempt to make her get unpleasant with you.

“Are you being ungrateful ?”

“No.”

“You’re acting like it.”

“I want a say in what I wear, who I walk for.” You had addressed her more sternly and it was a small moment that had passed before Tashi got up from where she was sitting, to trot over to you calmly.

But that wasn’t so when her hand came up to you sharp, bringing slight pain when she grabbed your chin in her grasp so you could look her eye to eye.

“You don’t wanna do it. Don’t do it. But you can leave.”

Your eyes went to her unsympathetic expression quick, and you tried not to whine at her hold on you.

“You can always leave because I don’t think it runs through that pretty little head of yours that I didn’t get divorced and remarried just to repeat the same shit I did with him. You think this is some fucking charity ?”

You fell back on forming a response when the glint in Tashis eyes as she narrowed at you had, scared you much more than you intended — yet at the same time you couldn’t look away as she got in your face.

“I give you everything. Life, a career, a voice. Let you choose your own hours and let you become of whatever you want while you whine and complain in jewelry that cost more than most people’s rent. And you want what ?” Tashi furrowed her eyebrow as she had grow repugnant of you, which you couldn’t help but love.

“Don’t forget I was your boss first. And I always will be.” Her tone has gone darker as she peers at you, your eyes wide with craving and you’d be lying if you said your core hadn’t become soaking wet when her sent of oak and raspberries was almost suffocating you now.

You’d shown her a soft grin on your lips, signaling you couldn’t have wanted her more right then, she wet her lips intermittently. Tashi turned you around with force and pushed your lower back onto the counter that was embarking you,

“Is this what you want ?” The woman croaked hungrily over your ear as she pushed on your slender body to bend over for her,

“Yes,” you let out a breathe of satisfaction finally.

panting softly as her hands explored your shape and your eyebrows knitted in exhausting bliss when her palm had came down hard on your now exposed ass.

Tashi kissed the space between your neck and shoulders briefly as she whispered,

“You’ve always been an attention whore.”

You couldn’t help but smile as she pulled on your hair to lean up and her fingers graced your heat, wet and pulsing for her. Tashi had hesitated before dipping them into you and you let out a pleading moan, face against the cold marble counter top.

You clawed at something to grab at as her digits pumped you slow than gradually faster, other hand grasping at your waist to seize you because she knew you’d come quick.

And you did with half a cry and half whimper.

You only had a second to catch your breath before Tashi pulled you up straight. She had gently placed your skirt back over your thighs, fixing your presence back to how she found you. Your wife then hovered over your lips,

“Behave.” Was the last thing she said to you without even an apologetic kiss before walking back to her lap top like nothing. You had gone back to your tea and with a pleased simper on your lips indeed.

You were a wild card that would do whatever to be under Tashi’s control, have her notice, and with that she’d known that you’d now be her perfect little model the moment you two would land this evening.

[sapphoslavender]

day 7 of sappho!

oops i forgot to post these last few days! and ive already lost count of what day it is! i think its day 7? happy 1 week anniversary

umm so. what has happened.

i figured out how to replant tortimer's island palm trees, so i should be able to catch beetles soon

i began laying out my flowers, so i'll soon have pretty flower walkways!

garden store is open!!!!

which means i got an axe, and was able to cut down some poorly placed trees!

i grinded for a bunch of flowers today @ tortimer island :]

im getting the qr code machine soon!

i joined club tortimer but im probably never gonna use it because i hate multiplayer with ppl i dont know

got a bunch of house exterior upgrades

new villagers! marcel and tammy!

i opened the campsite!

ive been trying to get new pwp suggestions, but none yet :,) i'll try again tomorrow

god whenever i say pwp i think im talking about smut.

oo also, i ordered some cute stickers from amazon to decorate my 3ds with. i cant believe ive never done that ??

ok, now for some future plans:

i really need to get some new bridges because i absolutely hate where mine is placed currently. but i dont want to build a new one yet bc i want it to be a pretty one, since if it isnt, im just gonna end up wasting money by destroying it later, if that makes sense....im stingy with money both irl AND in-game!!

i was planning on making the area outside the train stop full of pink flowers, but ive instead filled it with pansies. i might go back to pink, but idk.....

also: how long does it take for fruit to regrow??? also trees take forever ???? ik im just being impatient but damn.

oo also villagers. now that i have the campsite, im excited! honestly, the only villagers of mine that im attached to rn are opal and rosie. so if anyone wants to be notified in case my other villagers move out, lmk!

and now for a nostalgia rant. in one of my previous towns, i think 2018? i had some amazing villagers that i really miss — pancetti and merengue. i love them so much! if anyone has them, please let me know because i love them!!! i miss them!! come back home, im so sorry for leaving you!!!!!!!!!

(btw, i have some old qr codes i made from 2018. the photos are kinda shitty since i took them with my phone, but maybe i'll post them here!)

[chadsuke]

Animation Watched in 2020:

Brother Bear (2003)

Atlantis: The Lost Empire (2001)

The Black Cauldron (1985)

My Neighbor Totoro (1988)

From Up On Poppy Hill (2011)

Kiki’s Delivery Service (1989)

Wolf Children (2012)

Megamind (2010)

Over The Garden Wall (2014)

[Image Description: A photoset of posters of the aforementioned animation.]

[littlenekosfan]

child prodigy

few weeks ago i made a piece (in 2 part) titled “i am the child prodigy” but i never actually went into details to what it implied. i wont go into details about my drawing bc they are better understood after what i will develop there, but i want to mention that the illustrations are referring to the aftermath of the FRIEND flashback event

what’s a child prodigy, its often define as a child (very young) having the “intelligence” of an adult, for the sake of the thread, reishi manipulation will count as a form of intelligence

i’ll start with bazz bc he’s the first who self proclaims as a genius for being able to form a crossbow at his age. even tho he’s self absorbed most of the time, he isnt wrong there, he is born blessed, talented, a prodigy and we confirm that by knowing this was their first encounter (bazz assumed jugo had friends even tho he doesnt and this was the first time he sees/talks to him since they dont live in the same village, i assume they were somehow close (their villages), so bazz couldnt have unconsciously profited to jugo’s ability to share and become a prodigy out of that, and also, bazz seems to know the kids in his village to be able to tell he was better than other kids)

later, yhwach says bazz was only good because jugo made him like that, which isnt true but not totally false either, his words here are terribly twisted and it infuriates me bc bazz nor jugo knew about that sharing power thing and given the current situation, it really feels like jugo was used and bazz was just profiting him, which isnt the case (as i mentionned earlier) but yhwach is very good at twisting words and convincing someone for his own interest... but i digress, you may be wondering how yhwach knows bazz is a genius to call him as such (the almighty only give him the ability to see a close future and forming a crossbow at his age is probably not that impressive now, so it’s not the almighty)

the answer is actually pretty obvious, bazz was the only one being able to raise his head among other adults when yhwach used his reishi to make them kneel (by the end of the chapter, he was able to get up which is really impressive knowing he had a hard time just to raise his head)

bazz is obviously proud of his talent, of his gift, and he isnt shy to show it, even if that would mean to put jugo down, but i woudnt call that pride, toxic.. its not wrong to be proud of what you are born with, to show it, but it did contribute to his loss (i know i said it before, but there are many factors to their breakup, pride wasnt part of them, ego was)

despite the prodigy he was, that gift left him all alone, with nothing... now he is lost somewhere in a forest where nobody will pick him up.. ever.. since nobody no longer remembers him

then we have jugo's case, he is also a child prodigy, just like bazz, being born with it, except, i dont think i can call it a blessing, its more of a curse in the quincy culture bc they are considered as failures (they actually kill kids like him) nobody sees it as a blessing, not even bazz nor jugo himself 

jugo became a prodigy when he joined yhwach, not because he was valued by an adult, an important figure, but bc he was taking an important place (we can tell with hubert and argola’s reaction) he was going to be yhwach’s advisor, that isnt nothing considering yhwach was already planning to invade the soul society by that time, and jugo is only a teen, he doesnt know anything about military stuff, but what was in his blood made him a prodigy in yhwach’s eyes

and jugo wont call himself a prodigy (and yeah, even after yhwach revealed to him his real powers, which are pretty scary if the circumstances were different), but he knows how he is one.. he cant take pride in it unlike bazz.., bc what did it give to him anyway? nothing (not even the recognition he craved so much)

just like bazz, their gift gave them nothing, in fact, it took everything away from them calling themselves a prodigy would be depersonifying themselves, that they are just reduced to their talent, one thought it would help him take his revenge which wont fill him with any accomplishment at the end, and the other thought it was finally a path given to him for a purpose in life, something good, only to end up stuck with it forever...

all what they needed was to recognize their friendship was more valuable and important than what was in their blood... 

[shorkbrian]

INBOX

SO! I know I hoard asks. It’s a bad habit. Reasons?

I like to go look at them when I’m sad because they cheer me up.

I don’t want anyone to get annoyed that my blog is clogged up with asks, it’s a fear of mine that someone will think I'm annoying.

BUTT! My inbox is so cluttered right now, It’s hard for me to find certain requests. I saw someone else do an mass ask answering like this, and I LEARNED that if I tag it, I can look that tag up on my blog!

ALSO PSA you can also comment on my pics or message me to talk!!!!! I will never turn anyone away!!! I love you all!

ANOTHER PSA - if you want to not have to see this in the future, pls block the tag “shorkbrian answers a lot of asks”

Lets get ready to rumble!!!!!!!

These are in no particular order! Know that if you don’t see an ask you sent, it’s because I plan on writing something for it, probably like a lil Drabble cause those are my favorite (can you tell?)

Hello! My pronouns are They/Them or He/Him! I want to like give u a big ole hug for this question, You’re super sweet!

OOP Okay listen I’ve had a couple dreams with very unsavory happenings and each one is awful and so so scary. I hope your dream didn’t make you feel icky or anything dude. I Lub u, stay safe.

I am speechless. This is.... wow man. This is an amazing, positive review of my work and I feel so blessed and honored that you took the time to message me. I LOVE LOVE LOVE reading what people think of my work, and this one made me just like. I am like so blessed dude. Speechless (in the best way possible)

AHHHHH Thank you!!!! Look at those emojis!!!! SO bright and colorful and fun!!!!

As a fellow Hornee person that is dumb, I would like to say...... Why stop at a chefs kiss? are you afraid to kiss me on the mouth, homie? For future reference, I like tongue. (asdaslhjkah sorry I’m stupid but Thank you for these kind words!!!! What nice descriptors man, I’m like wilting under the praise its too much!)

Yes, reader is NOT going to have a fun time. Thanks for reading! I appreciate your support so so so much!!

Hey, listen! Requests are “closed” so I can have time to catch up without getting overwhelmed. If one or two slip in, they won’t get deleted :)

Bro, I recently talked to a friend with a similar experience. I’m so sorry for the things you’ve had to deal with, it sounds awful. The world is big and scary and VERY loud, and you are so amazing for navigating it. Bakugou would give you insane cuddles to help u feel better, remember dat okie?

Maybe! I’m getting around to things babey, it might take a hot second. But I will try!

Thank you! I try babey I try lol. I Lub u by the way thank u for msging me

I accept this wisdom. Thank you for sharing. I pray for a time when I will be able to use it.

You nailed it. I want this on my tombstone pls and thank u.

omg omg thank youuuuuuuu!!!!! Honestly, I think Izuku is still so so so shy, even when it comes to doing stuff with his darling.  ugh his poor darling. Ur right tho, no one would ever believe that Izuku was doing bad stuff. But once again!!! Thank YOU for reading and taking the time to send me an ask!!!! Warms my heart

wait wait okay I LOVE LOVE LOVE Kirishima I am his BIGGEST simp and this compliment? SENT ME TO OUTER SPACE. I squealed so hard I got like liftoff and I made it out of the atmosphere. This is the BEST thing EVER Thank you SO much my heart is POURING out love Grimm I would DIE for u no cap 

idk? Personally, I hate being touched so I probably would politely be like “Pls dont ahah” but I would hit him with paper airplanes with cute little notes inside.

I wish I wish with all my heart that I could turn into a small person tonight. Like, I'm crying. I am 6′0 and built like a refrigerator aint nobody able to manhandle me... *sobs in big man syndrome* I will continue to feed u tho bc it is a GIANT fantasy of mine to be manhandled and tossed around. lets goooooo

I don’t want to be a religion, can we start a cult? I’ll be the sacrifice.

bonk bonk bonk bonk bonk bonk TOO LATE (Also thank ant the comment abc my humor! Inspires me and tbh enables me)

no U 

“hey google?”

“What can I help you with today?”

“Why do I have the SWEEEEEEETEST followers ever? How did this happen? They make me blush I can’t handle it”

I have a SIMP???????? Come off anon u and I are going to talk and then passionately kiss. (not rlly but I do Lub you, thank you for the kind and gentle words)

bonk bonk bonk bonk (Also this was sent to me on a Sunday? I live in America bruv)

Pls don’t I almost peed my pants I was snorting at 2am and trying my hardest not to disturb my cat it was very hard (Repeat I almost PEED my PANST U HEATHEN)

wait stop stop u always give me such amazing comments skid I want to give u a candle made with wax and tears of love. You are so sweet. Pls never hesitate to reach out for a chat I luv u okei

BLACK HEART ANON I’m dedicating everything in my will to u, hope you know that. Okay, but seriously - I get being afraid of people. I don’t think you’re being hypocritical, I think you’re being kind and selfless and reaching out a helping hand to a loser like me. Black heart emojis low-key always make me think of you now and it fills my heart with warmth. Thank you for existing dude,

What have I said about the chefs kiss? Kiss me on the mouth u cowards. Do it.

Also this ask made me SAWFT I want to gibe u like idk a candy heart necklace to show how SOFT and Ugh demonstrate my LUB

I am glad I found YOU!!! Not everyone bothers to comment or interact or send me nice asks. They make my day man. You rock!

YYaaaayyyyaa!!! I’m cool with all the canon characters of BNHA except for Bakubro. I adore his fanon personification, but just how he acts in the show..... that aint it chief. I totally get u

TYSM!!!! Heart heart!! Aizawa has the potential to be so creepy and awful, he’s super interesting to try and write for! I’m glad you like my content, and thank you for telling me such!!!!!!!! LUB U

GRIMMM STAWWWWWWP I’m like on the verge of like melting into a PUDDLE of goopy admiration how the heck do u even know my blog ur so cool and I still can’t believe I can like.... talk to you. Ur rad dude.

BLACK HEARTTTTTTT You are never invading my privacy. Your asks are two that I hold very near and dear to my heart. I reread them over and over and they help when I’m having sucky days. Pls pls pls recognize that you’re an amazing person and you lift up my spirits and you are genuinely awesome. I love u Black Heart

I LOVE Kiri, have I mentioned? He’s my fav. And yes!!! I am VERY open to ideas!!!! Love pretty much everything and anything that comes my way!!! thank u for sending me an ask dude, means a lot :)

Sensitive anon, my dear dear friend if ur reading this know that I adore talking with u and I like hearing about ur day and You are so sweet and you make the world a better place by being in it

WE SIMP...... TOGETHER!!!!

Another beautiful baby that I always see interacting with me!!! I love you so so much and Each time your name pops up in my motifs I get so excited to see what you say!!! I’ve been holding onto this ask FOREVER because the little picture is SO CUTE and it makes me softer than melted butter man.

Okay, we’ve done it lads! I love each and every one of you!!!!!!!

[marshmallowprotection]

hi can i request a matchup? :)

i use they/them and my appearance is masc leaning androgynous. i have an undercut thats basically covered by my short dyed hair and im 5’4”. i wear baggier black clothing generally, but i want to take more inspo from the techwear style. usually have black nail polish on and the makeup i wear basically extends to a lip tint and eyeliner! i have 6 piercings in total (3 in each ear) and really want a tongue piercing and tattoos eventually :]

my personality— i act really cutesy/nice when i first meet people (to increase the chances of them liking me tbfh LOL) but once im more comfortable that persona kind of drops and i am just. a brat. just an absolute stinker man. like the type that shows my love by either ranting to them for 20 minutes without a breath or teasing them during conversation. i am. not usually a fan of opening up to people (i find it embarrassing) and deflect using humor. this usually goes out the window if im trying to relate to something someone is telling me, but id rather chug hot sauce than willingly open up on my own out of the blue LOL

speaking of ranting i genuinely do not stop thinking about things i like the entire day. im an ISTP and i usually like entertaining myself by making content for the things im really interested in at the moment (which usually changes monthly to yearly), so i have a bunch of sketchbooks and notes filled with ideas or AUs or stuff like that. ive been drawing for around 7 years so its been a big de stressor for me :)!! i also have a lot of trouble keeping up with people/relationships in general due to my adhd :’). a lot of the time i just... forget that things outside of my own head exist? and then that turns into me accidentally ghosting my friends for a week or something. id like to think im pretty smart! i was in the gifted program when i was a little kid after they found out my iq made me “moderately gifted” whatever that means. im kind of going through a burnout atm but i am stubborn as fuck and live my life to spite people i dont like so i wont let this get me too down.

a lot of the relationships/super close friendships ive had ended badly bc of the therapist role i adopt early on (thats how i feel like i “earn” their affection at first). my love language is physical touch!

i really love tea and ghibli movies!! the things i like change often but those have been constant for as long as ive been alive haha, im also really into mythology and religion, specifically in relation to irish/celtic faerie lore! it really makes me want to live in places like that.

the one major dislike i have is when people assume things about me. whether thats what im gonna say or what im comfortable with, i wish they’d just ask me. largely because they get the assumptions wrong. something similar is when people lie to me unless they have an actual reason for it. little white lies people use to “spare my feelings” only make me feel like they cant trust me enough to tell me whats actually happening

for hobbies, as i said, i draw. but another major hobby i have is rock climbing! i like being active and ive been doing it for around the same time i picked up art. currently, im actually getting back into serious cosplay which is super fun! i put too much pressure on myself to make it look good (+ no funds) that i sapped the fun out of it real quickly, but now im reapproaching it and i genuinely like it.

thank you so much :] have a good day!

I match you with....

Zen!

You have a very solid love language. You know what you like and you know how to treat the people around you with the utmost care and respect. Your friendship is like a whirlwind and there is no denying that. You're looking for people that you can show the world to and that you can hold on to when you need them the most. You know who you are and not a lot of people can say that they know that. This is that weightless feeling of knowing that you are who you are. You're always giving more of yourself and you intend to give. It's not always a bad thing but it does weigh on you like a rock at times because you wished that people would put you first instead of the other way around. That's not a selfish wish. You want someone to be honest with you. Even if it's not kind. You're just looking for someone who has a passion for life and a passion for you. That is why the person that works for you in these circumstances is Zen!

Not only are the two of you are very active and very open with everything that you enjoy. The passion that you have for the things that you try is insurmountable. There's no denying that you put your heart into everything that you do even if it changes every now and again. Zen is the kind of person that will love passion. He loves when he can see how much something means to someone and whenever he sees you exploring what makes you happy, nothing makes him happier. It took him forever to be able to find what made him a happy seeing other people experience that, especially the one that he cares about the most, is better than anything. Are both honest types and you're very blunt with each other and that keeps the relationship very healthy. Because neither of you have anything to hide it just means that you're both open books.

With a man like this at your side, you can learn what it feels like to have someone put you first. Your needs are what matter to him. It honestly might be a little overwhelming with how much praise he gives you, but with every kiss and with every nudge oh, he means every word that he says. You're the most wonderful person that he's ever met in his entire life and he wants to show you that so you can learn that for yourself.

[daily-dose-of-imagines]

𝕄𝕒𝕥𝕔𝕙 𝕌𝕡♡

hi admins! i hope you're doing well! may i request a haikyuu matchup please? and may i stay anonymous? Thank you!

I'm about 160cm tall and a little chubby, have thick long hair that reaches my lower back, brown eyes. My mbti is intj and my zodiac sign is scorpio! Im quiet and shy with new people, mostly because im not sure what to say/talk about and i worry if i'll say something wrong, so i find it hard to initiate conversation first and make new friends by myself. With friends or acquaintances i prefer to be listening rather than talking due to the same reason but also because i like listening to other peoples stories as well. I have a small circle of really close friends who im comfortable with tho and thats where i can really talk and joke around a LOT, like people who i dont know very well would most likely be surprised by my actual personality, it just takes some time for me to open up :') With close friends, I'm more witty, talkative and affectionate, both physically and with words. I always try to be supportive and caring to my friends, but i also won't sugarcoat advice if it's something they need. I have a "bad" sense of humor, which just means i will laugh at the unfunniest dumb jokes and puns bcs i genuinely find them funny.

I find that i overthink and worry a lot, and i get frustrated with my lack of social skills sometimes. Like i wish i can be more open to people and i want to try new things but i just get scared of stepping out of my comfort zone and also afraid that people would find me weird and judge me. I also get stressed out easily by responsibilities(?) Like i have a to do list in my brain of assignments, exams or other things i need to do so it'll always be in the back of my mind and i can't really take a break peacefully until everything's done, although thats quite rare as im in medical school right now and have exams at least twice a month :'). Im also insecure with my body most of the time but im slowly trying to love myself more :) my favourite physical feature is probably my hair. I just love having it touched or played with or getting it braided, etc.

My hobbies nowadays are mostly watching stuff. I'll watch movies, tv shows, musicals, plays, youtube videos or anything rlly. I don't have a favourite genre either, as long as i find it enjoyable i'd watch it. I also like playing games, with my recent obsession being animal crossing :) I read fiction novels too sometimes. I just really like relaxing and chilling in bed during my downtime to recharge my energy, especially after a long day or after going out, though i dont mind doing it with another person if im comfortable with them. I'm not a very sporty or artistic person either but i play several musical instruments sometimes and i love listening to music while doing other things. I'm somehow very good at playing with kids though? Like toddlers, especially. I don't know why but I'm good at entertaining them i guess hahah so i dont mind babysitting my young cousins usually.

ok thats all i have, sorry if its a little long! thank you so much!!

»»————-　♡　————-««

Hello sweet pea~! Of course you may! I’m so sorry this took so long to get out~! Thank you so much for requesting with us~! I hope you enjoy who I’ve paired you with, and as always thank you so much for your love and support for our blog~!

» » Admin Ko

𝕀 𝕊𝕙𝕚𝕡 𝕐𝕆𝕌 𝕨𝕚𝕥𝕙...

ᴋᴇɴᴍᴀ ᴋᴏᴢᴜᴍᴇ

Practically the same as you, Kenma is one who isn’t necessarily shy, but finds it a hassle to interact with people. He’s not friends with many, and considers his closest group of friends to be Kuroo and Hinata (with exception of the volleyball team). You two meet really through a mutual acquaintance (Hinata) and it honestly hits off from there. He appreciates your quiet spoken personality and immensely enjoys how kind you are when listening to other’s problems and issues. 

Kenma will be surprised once you begin to open up out of your shell, but it’s not unwelcome. Rather it’s a breath of fresh air from him. In comparison to Hinata’s sunshine like attitude, yours is like that of a warm spring day that he can lounge in forever. It’s to your surprise that besides playing video games, Kenma actually enjoys to de-stress by braiding and playing with your hair. It’s a feat that you don’t exactly except from the quiet setter, but it’s not unwelcome. To him, it’s absolutely endearing when he sets down his controller or phone to see you with sparkling eyes and freshly brushed hair. 

Contrary to your overthinking and worrying, Kenma will be the one to help ground you and remind you of the factual evidence whilst making sure you’re not on the path to an anxiety filled panic. Not only that, but he understands your frustration in wanting to be able to communicate freely with others whilst being yourself. Besides that, Kenma is no stranger to disliking or getting out of his comfort zone. In that aspect, he can relate to the anxiety and nervous build up before a change. 

When it comes to self love, he’s adamant in showing you how wonderful you are. It’s not often that he will compliment someone, but he makes the effort for you just so you remember how gorgeous you truly are to him. As for your hobbies? The moment he sees you playing animal crossing he’s demanding multiple island dates, and will most definitely gift you everything he receives in game. Anything rare or hard to create, he has already sent you the finish product along with the DIY. It’s one of his favorite types of dates with you. Besides watching movies in bed, he absolutely loves to lay side by side with you whilst you both explore the world of Animal Crossing. 

[toshis-puppycat]

Dreamscape Part Two

Masterlist

A/N: So I'm bored and I have quite a bit written already so shit why not post more?

Warning in this: Drugged, attempted assault, nondescript violence bcs I cant write it but ya know if you ever thought of how to fuck someone up for this. Its that.

——

Saturday night found you dressed as Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz in front of a sorority house. Richie did tell you he'd be a little late trying to make his friend come over and when your friends knew they were ecstatic. 

"Y/n, I know you don't give a shit but Richie is a total babe." One of the girls told you. They thought you didn't notice? You did, you weren't blind. Richie was hot in that soft boy, bad boy way but he wasn't your type. To be fair though you didn't really know your type. Maybe he secretly was, you did get flustered around him sometimes and you couldn't forget how hed stair at you sometimes like he wanted something from you. But you respected and honestly liked how he never pushed that boundary you clearly put up when you met two weeks prior. You were very uncomfortable with people flirting anyways, but Richie really did act like that with everyone. You caught him once or twice "flirting" with new workers at the Slice of Heaven Pizzeria it didn't matter if they were male or female either. He clearly liked it both ways. For the first time you felt comfortable with a man and trusted him enough to call him your friend. You felt your phone, buzz.

'Hey doll, were running later than I thought. It took forever to convince Stan to go, I'll let you know when we're there. Don't get too drunk without me (;' 

You rolled your eyes, seems like one of his friends really didn't want to go if he made them this late. 'But', you thought feeling yourself soften as you walked inside, 'they didn't want to leave their friend alone' and that was sweet. 

Stan was furious. He could really kill something right now despite his record of not attacking living things. Richie fucking dragged him out of the apartment complex and forced him into a degrading costume (he knew Richie chose it. Who the fuck would be 'Inspector Gadget?) and is now making him go to a halloween party. "My friend invited me! You guys will love her!" He said, Stan just felt his scowl deepen. Who the fuck enjoyed hanging out with Richie with a sane mind? He wouldn't like this at all. He could feel it as he was walking into the sorority house with the others. He wouldn't like this at all.

You were 3 shots in when you felt your phone buzz again, you drunkenly grabbed it and quickly read the text from Richie. 'We're here doll, where are you?' You lept up with joy and quickly sent a text back telling him where to find you, although it probably wasnt english the more you thought about it. 'But alcohol is way more fun right now' you thought, pouting a little you were going to leave when you felt a pull on your arm.

"Aw come on babe, why not stay a little longer?" Someone asked, you didn't realize with all the drinking you were left with the frat boys of the girls you were with.

"I gotta go see friends, go drink more by yourselves." You said yanking your arm away from him. You felt heavy all of a sudden, the world became a little more blurry. They fucking drugged you! You thought angrily, but you couldn't do much as you felt your body go limp. 

Upstairs Richie could feel something, and it was important as the group walked in. He was looking for you immediately, you'd sent him gibberish that he assumed said youd meet him in the front room, because you were getting drunk downstairs. But there he was with his friends surrounded by a bunch of drunk humans waiting for you to show up. "I'm gonna look for her, she usually responds quick even when shes a little drunk." Richie said, looking at the others. Bev looked a bit worried. 

"Rich, we shouldn't be here." She said, a little fearful. 

"We feel like fledglings again Rich, someone's here and they smell good." Bill said. Richie could've smacked himself, he completely forgot.

"That's her! I'm sorry I spaced out on telling you guys, but I got used to her scent." He exclaimed, the group looked unimpressed especially Stan. 

"Rich well help, but you owe us later." Ben said. 

They all went their separate ways. Your scent happened to be everywhere they found, but you yourself weren't anywhere. Richie felt himself get very worried all of a sudden. Like something bad was going to happen if they didn't find you. And whenever Richie felt that, it usually meant something bad would happen. 

The night got worse, for Stan at least. He was searching for some dumb friend of Richies who couldn't even hold their own alcohol! He could just feel his scowl deepen. Then he caught a scent, and it was good. But it was twinged with panic and fear too. Not good. He heard muttering, and very faintly rustling fabric. Eyes narrowed he walked to the area of the faint scent. The faint muttering from before became louder and he could actually make out what was being said. 

"God does this bitch ever stop wiggling?" and "those girls better have not lied to us, she better be a virgin like they said." 

'Ah yes. The wonders of humanity.' He thought with a sneer. 'How pure of them attacking someone like this because of a construct like virginity or purity. How pitiful. No one in humanity was pure.' But he wasn't about to stand there and let some humans attack someone who was obviously defenseless. He walked to the door and knocked. All the muttering stopped. He could hear the blood rushing through their veins. 

"Go the fuck away, this is a private affair!" One of the boys shouted. Stan felt himself tense, the smell was stronger, like it was filled with more fear. 

"If you wanna play hard to get, we can." He said, immediately kicking the door down.

There was the smell, tied down only in her bra and underwear, a small thing with such a delicious scent. He quickly fucked up some frat boys shits almost killing them if it weren't for the form tied to the bed. He quickly untied the frail thing they wanted to attack so bad. He could almost react to her fear filled scent, almost. He did react however to seeing her face, as she quickly attempted to dress herself in the costume she had on before. If he had a heartbeat it would've stopped, you were there and the world suddenly felt right again. He quickly took his jacket off and covered you with it as he heard footsteps rushing up. He knew it was the group, an it was confirmed when he saw Beverly's furious face rushing into the room quickly taking in the scene and looking at several knocked out frat boys and the sobbing figure Stan had been able to cover. The others soon ran in. Richie being the last and evidently the most furious. That's when it hit him, you were the scent. You were with Richie. It was a punch to the gut he never wanted to expect. You were back, but you were with Richie of all people. 

"Y/n!" Richie shouted, pushing past the group as they all shook themselves. They were reacting like fledglings again, and suddenly Stan felt himself tense, suddenly feeling angry at you even though you did nothing but exist again. 

"Dont fucking drink alcohol if you cant handle it." He growled out, furiously pushing past the others and going downstairs. Richies "dont be a fucking asshole Stan!" Barely even heard by the furious older vampire. Logically he knew you were drugged by them, but just knowing you were with Richie broke the heart and he didnt think hed ever be the same knowing you were alive.

[withallthingslove]

avengers endgame spoiler-filled review

below the cut bc spoilers obviously

even after two viewings this movie is super overwhelming so I’m just gonna jump right in

- clint’s family disappearing was so haunting and traumatic omg

- i didn’t like the music choice over the marvel opening crawl

- nebula was so adorably intense when tony playing footbal with her

- carol is such a bad bitch she just carried an entire fucking ship through space

- steve running up to tony and holding on to him... that was content I didn’t know I needed

- the pepperony hug ughhh I’m not a huge gwenyth paltrow fan but she was so good as pepper in this

- honestly I get tony has been through a lot but he was such a dick back at the avengers compound. I’ve always preferred steve to tony and that scene really displayed why. Yes tony was right something bigger was coming, but his way of going about preventing it was proven wrong both times. I don’t consider ultron to be super canon because joss whedon sucks but tony’s first idea to try and solve it failed, and then the accords also failed and even rhodey regretted it. Infinity war was basically “hey yeah the accords was dumb af and steve was right and now the avengers are scattered.” Both tony and steve were selfish and made mistakes in civil war but the fact that it had been over three years and tony was still soooo angry with steve and holding a grudge just rubbed me the wrong way.

- I really felt for thor when they went to get thanos. Chris hemsworth’s acting in that scene was so good when he realized they had failed

- again who on earth put steve in charge of a support group. And while yes its nice to have some lgbtq representation marvel is way behind on that so to me it did not feel like enough

- paul rudd did so well in this movie and scott is such a good dad ugh

- 10/10 would die for morgan stark. She is soooo cute and it was hilarious when she was like “mom told me to come rescue you”

- i know a lot of people are mad at tony dying bc he could have “retired” but that scene with his daughter before steve, nat, and scott show up shows he could not. He still had a garage where he built iron man suits and suits for pepper. That’s not what someone does when they are out of a fight. That’s why he fell back into it so fast because he never left it. He was still tinkering and preparing and even when he retired he was still fully ready to go back

- i like professor hulk but at the same time i miss bruce

- tony and steve love each other so much it made me so happy when tony showed up at the compound. they’ve had their differences but there is real love there

- speaking of real love I will still never forgive joss whedon for taking clintasha away from us like yes their platonic friendship is great but UGH. They love each other SOOOOOOO much 

- tom hiddleston as loki always steals the show and i miss him so much. I was convinced he wasnt dead so I’m sad that he was still dead in the current timeline. But maybe since there is now an alternate dimension with loki and the tesseract he will show up again

- him impersonating steve, his side eye, just... *chefs kiss*

- the america’s ass comment... amazing, iconic, beautiful. And then steve’s “yeah I know” comment to his 2012 self. I’m so glad the russos let steve be funny

- I love how much winter soldier played into this one especially since it was the russo’s first mcu movie. The elevator scene... steve outsmarting the hydra agents. Secretary pierce showing up... and then steve fighting his past self was just *chefs kiss* again. The fact that he knows his own weakness is bucky and uses it against himself 

- not excited to see tilda swinton’s character because its just a reminder of marvel’s whitewashing but I appreciated it trying to explain the timeline/dimension stuff

- i also loved that at the army compound tony was able to get closure with his dad, something he deserved for a long time. I think that was another hint he was going to die because his arc was completing while steve’s.... the look on steve’s face when he saw peggy just broke me. absolutely broke me. Steggy was my first ship in the mcu and so steve and peggy hold a special place in my heart. The fact she still keeps the picture of tiny steve after all these years (a reference to agent carter)... they both moved on enough to enjoy life but never truly moved on enough to leave the other behind. And so while tony was getting closure, steve was being reminded of what he wanted most and couldn’t have. I also loved the tie in with agent carter and showing Jarvis this movie was truly a fan service to us all

- okay so rhodey/nebula: so ive never been a huge nebula person but i really liked her in this movie. I loved rhodey’s line about “you work with what you got” as far as their disabilities. I felt so bad for new nebula because old nebula SUCKKSSS and I hate she had to face her. I loved that in this movie thanos was wearing his armor because 2014 thanos was not as strong or secure with himself. His energy was SO different compared to the thanos we saw in infinity war so props to josh brolin

- natasha/clint: Well go ahead and rip my heart out. The audience knows only one of them is coming back but they have no idea. And they love each other SO FUCKING MUCH they both tried to sacrifice themselves to save the other person. That is true love. Jeremy renner is such an underrated actor and his reaction to natasha dying just killed me. But so did scarlett johansson’s acting as much as I hate to admit it because I’ve really stopped liking her as much due to her recent acting choices but she played that scene so well. And I will miss natasha romanoff forever. She deserved so much more and paved the way for all the other female superheroes in the mcu

- everyone crying over nat and especially steve broke me. They had such a special friendship, almost as strong as her and clint and I feel so many people forget that because of how natural they were together. And her last words to him were that she would see him in a minute and then she didn’t come back..

- i just realized i havent talked about thor and thats honestly because my brain blocked it out. I like that they explored his depression but dont like that he was made the joke of the avengers and I don’t think it was handled well. I did enjoy his conversation with frigga and by that I mean it made me cry. (also loki deserves a conversation like that too don’t @ me)

- STEVE WIELDS MJOLNIR!!! IT WAS SO BADASS AND MY DREAM COME TRUE I HAVE NEVER BEEN MORE EXCITED IN A MOVIE. To me that was the absolute highlight of the movie

- And then sam says “on your left” and all the characters come and the music... poetic cinema

- thanos is a weak little bitch and as soon as wanda was beating him he was fine with his own troops dying just so he could get away

- TONY AND PETER REUNITING CURED MY DEPRESSION AND THEN GAVE IT RIGHT BACK

- CAROL IS SO POWERFUL MY LESBIAN QUEEN

- sebastian stan has no business looking this good my god

- I forgot how much I missed peter parker

- I didn’t notice mbaku until my second viewing and honestly the wakandan characters were shafted like poor shuri we didn’t even know she was dusted until a few weeks before the movie

- I know everyone loves the scene of all the women characters carrying the gauntlet but honestly marvel has a long way to go before they reach equality and it honestly wasn’t enough for me

- side note pepper fighting back to back with tony was awesome

- ugh tony’s face when he realizes what he has to do and he looks at strange for confirmation... give rdj an oscar like my god. He knows that the past few years have led up to this moment and he is absolutely terrified and determined and I am tearing up while writing this because I am remembering it so vividly

- peter parkers goodbye had me crying why is tom holland such a good actor

- pepper’s goodbye BROKE ME... “you can rest now” I think that is the epitome of tony’s arc. For his entire storyline he has been trying to right his wrongs and save his friends and the world and that is so much for one man to carry on his shoulders and everyone knew it would be the death of him. I know tony stans are pissed off that he died, but I don’t see him just being able to retire. Obviously I didn’t want him to die, but his whole storyline has been leading up to this. He truly got a hero’s sendoff and was solidified as THE hero of the mcu. This era started with him and it ended with him. It was a beautiful sendoff for the character that started it all. And I don’t think rdj would go along with it if he didn’t approve

- Steve’s ending.... so I knew from spoilers what would happen and while it was something I wanted in theory I was pissed when I first found out. But it somehow worked. If you look at steve’s arc, he has always been a man out of time. For everyone getting mad he was hung up on a girl he kissed once, it’s pretty much confirmed in agent carter that he and peggy were on the DL for 3 years. she wasnt just a crush he knew for a few months. They loved each other and fought side by side for three years and time took him too soon. In age of ultron the only part I liked was steve’s vision where he gets a dance with peggy. As much as he moved on in the present, the possibility he missed with her always haunted him. You can tell in peggy’s video in the winter solider that even though she married and had kids, the thought of steve still gets her choked up. When she sees him as an old woman she immediately crumbles. They both have referred to each other as the loves of their lives. 

- So with that said, I don’t think it’s weird or out of the blue that he would suddenly decide to try and go back to peggy. They won, bucky is back and safe, sam is back and safe, he can finally rest, and he has the tools to go back in time. The way I interpreted it, Bucky 100% knew what he was going to do. The look on his face, the tone of his voice. He knew Steve was not coming back, and he also knew he deserved to have that happy ending. So while sam and bruce thought it would only be 5 seconds, bucky turned away from the machine, knowing steve wouldn’t show up there. I ship stucky too because I just want steve happy so while at first I was like “how could he leave bucky??” watching it on screen it made sense. Bucky approved of his choice, and while he was saddened by it, he understood it. 

- In my interpretation, I don’t think steve stayed in the main timeline. I think him going back created an alternate timeline where he married peggy, dissolved hydra earlier, and freed bucky earlier. At some point, those two timelines merged, and he wandered over to where he knew they would be. OR after peggy died, he used the technology to travel back to that timeline when he was old. Or my friend suggested he could have met tony stark in his alternate timeline and asked for his help. Who knows. He literally came back with a shield, meaning he was at one point captain america again in that timeline. I don’t think there is anyway he could just stay quiet for 70 years about bucky being tortured and peggy running shield that was secretly hydra. I refuse to believe that. If the russos come out and say that’s what he did, then I’ll backtrack and say I don’t approve of steve’s ending. But as of right now I’m okay with it. 

[sweetpea-skarsgard-blog]

You’ve Just Crossed The Line pt. 3 // Sweet Pea Imagine

(Request:  @southsideslutt oh yes so an imagine where y/n gets held for ransom by the ghoulies and sweet pea is freaking out bc that’s his girl and the serpents help calm him down by going on a rescue mission for her and there’s a whole lotta angst and fluff at the end :’’))

(( as promised here is the fluff! I hope that it was seceptible to give you all toothaches. Just dont send me your dentist bills. <3 Request more imagines if you’d like! i do a bunch of different fandoms, and characters ))

Warnings: none really.. mention of violence, mention of bugs.

Part 1 // Part 2

Feeling Sweet Pea’s arms wrapped around you on that warm night,  as the rain pattered over the tarp keeping the two of you sheltered; Well, it was one of the most comforting feelings in the world. Sure, since the attack, your overprotective boyfriend hadn’t exactly let you go back to your house without a posse of at least five people accompanying you- but that was a precaution that you would have to deal with, given the fact that he was even letting you step back onto that side of town at all. It was clear that your kidnapping had a profound effect on the both of you, making sweet Pea only want to hold you tighter and never let go.. While you couldn't help but be fearful anytime you were left alone for too long.

It was normal wasn’t it? To experience such an anxiety after a trauma like the one you had faced. You were sure that some fancy Northside doctor would have diagnosed you with PTSD, and tried to shove pills down your throat to make the pain and fear go away.. But then again, being from the Southside- it wasn't like you could go to that length- having only a few dollars in your pockets at any given moments.. And absolutely no savings whatsoever in the event of a true emergency.

No… Sweet Pea was the only treament for your nerves that you needed at the moment, his strong arms and the calming and musky scent of his cologne filling your nostrils as he embraced you. The man was content as well, just leaning his face down to press soft kisses over your forehead and the top of your hair, making you feel loved. It seemed to be a rare moment to anyone that caught a glimpse of the aggressive Serpent in such a docile state, cuddling and loving on someone that could actually make him soft. But that was just the affect that you had on the male.

After what had happened, seeing the pure rage and anger on his face while he pummeled those Ghoulies- you knew that it all came from a place of worry. Sure the man was not opposed to cracking a few skulls every now and then, but the way he effortlessly fought off four guys at once- that was a product of love. You knew from experience that Sweet Pea was loyal to a fault, but even as he was faced with uncertainty and many more foes than he could normally handle.. He had done it all to protect you, and pushed himself past his limits.

“You’re as Sweet as they come, aren’t you, Pea?” you asked quietly, tracing your fingertips over the dogtags that were hanging from his neck. Something that you found yourself doing often in such tender moments. Sweet Pea on the other hand inwardly cringed at your little play on words, rolling his eyes, though he did let out a breath that seemed to resemble the ghost of a laugh.

“Yeah, and you’re a fucking dork, Y/N. If we are stating the obvious.. Besides.. You know that I’m pretty much only sweet on you. Ask Toni, Fangs, or Jones.. I’m pretty sure that they would all agree that I am consistently an asshole at any given time, to everyone except you.” he grunted, watching your fingertips as they moved across the somewhat tarnished silver metal. You were so mesmerised by the little things that he kept as a constant in his life, the dogtags, his rings, jacket.. And that hairdo that you swore took more pomade than you figured he or Fangs could ever afford. It was an enigma to you, but at the same time, you would never change a thing about him. One other constant in his life that he was growing to need more and more on a daily basis- was you.

“I am a fucking dork, but you love me anyways.. I mean why else would you have come to my rescue- like some knight in shining… leather jacket?” you teased, looking over to his Serpent skin that was hanging from one of the folding chairs in the corner of his tent. Luckily the canvas fabric had not sprung any leaks lately.. So the two of you were dry as bones.. Though it definitely didn't help the cold situation. It was almost always cold at night in Riverdale, even in the summers.

That was one of the reasons that Sweet Pea was thankful for your presence, he never got too cold when he had you around, able to wrap you in his arms and savor your warmth in his oversized sleeping bag, as you did the same with him. Before, in his trailer, Sweet Pea never seemed to wear more than a pair of sweatpants to bed… but now seeing him curled up in a long sleeved shirt, all cozied up- you were thankful for it, even at the loss of skin on skin contact.

Sweet Pea then moved his hands from your waist, one trailing down to your ass and kneading at the skin gently, before the other moved up towards your hair. He loved the feel of it, so silky beneath his fingertips.. However, the  thought that he might have lost you forever was still lingering on the back of his mind, torturing him

Feeling his body tense up, you ripped your eyes away from the cool metal, looking up at him, and pressing a palm against his cheek as he seemed troubled by something. You’d had an idea of what this could all be about. But knowing Sweet Pea, it was going to be a little bit of a battle to get the truth to come out of him. “Baby.. what are you thinking about?” you asked, biting at your lip gently, as his dark brown eyes trailed over your features. The hand that was playing with your hair, moved down to your cheek, tracing the place where that bruise from the bitch Bonnibel seemed to have faded away over time. You closed your eyes at the contact, and nuzzled your face into his hand.

Sweet Pea’s breath hitched, as he felt that he was making his thoughts too obvious, clearing his throat and looking away for a minute. “Nothin.. I mean.. I’m just glad you’re fine.” he nodded, seeming to take a step back from the situation so as not to relive everything that had happened. Of course he was glad that it was over- but at the same time.. He was angry at himself that they hadn't made that Ghoulie bitch pay for what she had done to you. Sure, they had ruined an entire shipment of Jingle Jangle with their little rouse- but that wasn't enough to warrant this war being over- nor the pain that you had gone through. Sweet Pea’s eyes flickered over to your Serpent skin, littered with hoes from various darks and even knives having been flung at the leather while it hung on the wall of the Wyrm.

What if that had been you that they had taken their target practice on- what if you were hurt merely for being a Serpent.. A part of a family yes- but at the same time, something that he could never fully protect you from. Of course Sweet Pea knew that you were capable of holding your own- when it wasn’t and uneven match like it was that night.. But as your boyfriend, he couldn't help but feel like it was his duty to make sure you were safe.

As he had his train of thought, you sighed and caressed over his cheek, seeming to be able to read his mind as he looked at your jacket, damaged and in need of serious repairs. But Brydie was a little out of it these days, and as the Serpent’s resident seamstress, it fell to Toni and Cheryl who were also being driven crazy with keeping up the living standards for the gang. But you knew you needed to comfort Sweet Pea.. reassure him... just the way that he had been doing for you for the past week.

“Sweets I am fine.. I am going to be fine. Sure things were shady for a while- but now that I am here with you, the Serpents.. I’m gonna be okay. That bitch Bonnibel is going to get what is coming to her .. I promise. But that is for me and the girls to do- girl on girl crim is something that needs to be solved by girls.” you laughed, knowing that were Sweet Pea not the slightest bit gentlemanly, he would have socked the girl in the face. But Toni had a plan- and while it was a little devious, you were all for it.

“Tomorrow Cheryl, Toni, and I are going to sneak over to Sunnyside and leave her a little present.. Some pregnant hissing cockroaches should do.” you smirked, crossing your arms, as Sweet Pea looked down at you with an eyebrow arched.

“That’s your idea of payback? Man I can't believe that I’m so crazy for a softy.” he chuckled, though he knew that it would be your decision ultimately how you wanted to take your revenge.. “You should add a rotten fish to her air conditioner for good measure.” he smirked, pulling you over top of him so that you were now straddling his lap, and looking down at him. Your hair fell down the sides of your face, making him reach up and brush parts of it behind your ears- just so he could get a better view of that pretty face. “That should be enough to make the bitch suffer.. “ his low voice gently met your ears, sending a shiver down your spine, as you pressed your palms flat against his chest.

With a swift move, Sweet Pea pulled you back down, so that his fingertips were interlaced in your hair, as his lips moved against your own, memorizing every shape your mouth made against his own as he passionately kissed you. He had never been in love before he met you.. But feeling you now, hand against his heart, while his fingertips massaged at your scalp as you moaned at his touch- he knew.. Anyone who ever crossed that line again and tried to take you away from him- well they were gonna get a hell of a rude awakening.

“I love you so much, sweetheart.” Sweet Pea murmured, his lips moving against your own as he only pulled away enough to get the words out. You giggled a bit into the kiss before you spoke back. “I know you do.. You’re pretty damn smitten.” you smirked. 

“You ass.” 

[softsoonhao]

You went and saw Astro oh my gah i'm so jealous SPILL ALL THE DETAILS GURL PLZ.

H’OKAY HERE IT IS. MY FULL ASTRO IN NEWARK EXPERIENCE. ALMOST A MONTH LATER.

i’m gonna put it under a cut bc it’s gonna be very long, i can already tell.

so, I went to the newark show, which first thing, jesus was it cold. I’m from the south, and it was 30 degrees, and a bitch was freezing (after the concert. not so much before). second, throughout the show, astro kept saying “new york” instead of newark, which i thought was adorable.

so my friend and i get there, and there’s like, no one. maybe 30 people inside the venue. there’s no line, just people hanging out in the atrium of the performing arts center. there are lines, however, for hi-touch and photo-op, which we go to, to get our wristbands for hi-touch. after that, we just waited around in the atrium. there was a korean eunwoo fansite there! and some other fans selling cute little things, as well as some giving out fanchant banners for all night. it eventually fills up a lot more.

what shocked me most was that bags werent checked, there were no metal detectors or anything. i was too excited to realize it at the time, but afterwards, my friend and i were so shocked and grateful that no one tried to bring anything dangerous in. like i said, there were no lines. so when they opened the atrium, security just let people pile up to get their ticket scanned and then go through to wait another hour until they opened the seating.

FINALLY, we are let in. i was in the first or second row of p2 on the left side. the seats were so good (despite the fact that the two girls behind me kept screeching like banshees every 2 mins). they started playing astro’s mvs, and people were singing along.

the boys came out and i lost it. they are so cute and energetic. i had been listening to a playlist of the set list since it was dropped, bc i’m still a new Aroha and don’t know all their songs just yet, but ugh. they’re adorable and bin is so cute, and jinwoo is RIPPED WOW. i saw his two tattoos several times, also.

SO AFTER THE SHOW. staff tells p1 and p2 to wait and then tells us where to go for hi-touch and photos. waiting in line, me and my friend talked to some really friendly fans. the boy in front of me was a rocky stan, and when we entered the room, rocky was first. and the boy just froze, and was like “shit, i forgot what i wanted to say.”

SECURITY/STAFFING SUCKS.

i was like, 4 people away from Astro and holding my coat (bc it’s Newark and freezing out), and security stops me to check it as I’m walking. That distracts me, and next thing i know i look up and Rocky is smiling at me.

I tell him and Jinjin thank you for coming and I loved the show. They’re so beautiful IRL wow it was unbelievable. Sanha is a GIANT. I think I also told him thanks for coming. Idk, I was too busy staring a foot up at him.

CHA EUNWOO IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL MAN EVER. time literally stopped when i saw him. I held his hand and told him thank you and that i hope he has fun in America, and he smiled and his eyes are just so genuine, and he nodded.

I - for some reason - told MJ to come to Disney World (it’s a word i know he’d recognize, and also hey kpop groups come to florida pls) and Eunwoo looks over, LIGHTS UP, and nods to me again. so i said it again lmao in my dazed state of eunwoo acknowledging me.

then i am suddenly in front of the newest LOML and i deadass pause, stare at him, hold his hand (INTERTWINE OUR FINGERS) and just say “hi. i love you.” in a dreamy, dazed way. he smiles this... weird smile? idk how to describe it, like i would say his expression was... curious? bc his head tilts slightly as he looks at me, and like. idk i was probably imagining it, but you know how sometimes someone looks like they want to say something but dont know how? (and it’s not always related to language barriers, could just be unable to think of the word)

anyway THAT’S WHAT IT LOOKED LIKE

and then later on, my friend said maybe he was “flattered by your pink hair but also very curious about your piercings and punk looking outfit choice”

which like, fair, but yeah, moon bin is beautiful and so tall and i cant believe i saw him face to face and held his hand and told him i love him wow. i left the room in shock and was just like. unable to process anything for a minute lmao.

then my friend and i went to eat and get beer at an irish pub and had a grand ole time before flying back home in the AM.

i know this took FOREVER to post, and i was about to just message you privately, but i want to be able to link to this in my about lol. hope you enjoy and that you are able to see these amazing boys some day!!!

[kurainburdened]

POKEMON AU pls.... bc i know ur passionate abt pokemon and honestly Me Too

III LOVE YOU!!! I WAS PLANNING ON MAKING THIS A THING WHERE I ADD IN THE SENDERS MUSE INTO THE HCS BUT MAYA AND YOUR MUSE NEVER INTERACTED WHICH IS A CRIME!!! Dont tell edgeworth or she might get arrested lol. But anway!! I want to do stuff with you!!

ALSO THANK YOU FOR SENIDNG THIS BECAUSE THATS REALLY SWEET OF YOU AND IM REALLY TOUCHED YOU REMEMERED I LOVE POKEMON

Number 1

Mayas first pokemon, funny enough isnt a ghost type, but a normal type. See, in the pokemon verse Mayas background is basically the same. The Fey village is basically unchanged in this worly except for one thing. On a certain part of the mountainside is a forest that travellers tend to get lost in for ages. Many report hallucinations as being the main cause for this so it’s kind of cut off. Maya, being the rebel she is, of course wanders it in hopes of conquering it. Her sister is usually the voice of reason and really it would only take her being like. what if youre lost forever or something to scare her into staying but shes not ther so into the forest she goes! It’s there that she finds a waterfall and goes there to train constantly. She tries and tries to channel spirits and one day, she succeeds! Or so she thinks. The first time she thinks she’s channeled another spirit, she sees herself as the spirit she’s been trying to channel, sees her now-possessed body moving and acting on it’s own. When she runs back to the village to tell her story, she’s told that she couldn’t have channeled a spirit because if she did she would’ve been unconscious. 

Confused Maya goes back and tries again only to get the same result. After a bit of investigating Maya realizes the source of travelers getting lost and the hallucinations is due to a stantler. This Stantler saw Maya, this little girl training so hard that it took pity on her, and wanting to help in the only way it could let her see herself channeling a spirit. At first Maya is crushed and upset at the pokemon for giving her false hope but quickly forgives it and thanks it for wanting to help. The pokemon soon takes on this kind of caring role for Maya, along with also being her only playmate seeing as the other girls in the village are kind of distant with her. Her being the heir to the Master title and Morgan instructing them to listen to her and listen to all her selfish desires, leading to them being resentful of her. Anyway, also to build off of that. Once Mayas sister dies, she asks the Stantler to let her see her Sister again. And thats like a thing she did for awhile before telling it to stop because it became this painful reminder of something she could never do which is channel her sister. Actually fun fact she asked the stantler to show her her mother but was heartbroken when it basically gave her the answer that it couldnt because Maya didn’t have the memory of her mothers face anymore. Anyway. One time when shes particularly heartbroken and hopeless she laments in the forest to herself how shes so useless and cant do anything right. How she hates herself for being this way. Hates herself for not being able to compare to Mia or her mother. At this point she sees the image of her sister saying shes proud of her. Maya is angry at Stantler for showing her such a horrible lie and runs away. Only to later be told by the pokemon that it wasn;t trying to make her see her sister say that, rather it was the only way of communicating that even if no one else appreciated her, it was proud of her. 

ANYWAY ENOUGH OF STANTLER ON TO NUMBER 2

That’s right another in depth backstory for another pokemon hopefully not as long lol

The next on the list is a primeape that lives in the forest, training with sawk and throh. It kind of ended up getting abandonned by it’s trainer in a place where this breed of pokemon aren’t really found but it’s found it’s place with the sawk and throh so it doesn’t mind too much. It ended up earning it’s respect with good old fashioned fighting and is kind of in a ‘king of the forest’ position. Scary and intimidating and bent on establishing its dominance to all that challenge it! Anyway, while Maya is exploring the mountainside of her village she finds out about it and it’s plain to see that Primeape has a certain amount of respect among the other fighting types. After having seen a cool tv episode where the hero challenges the strongest of the strong a really young Maya decides to do the same, announcing loudly when the pokemon is alone that she’s here to challenge the pokemon to a duel to the death! She runs up throws her small fist at the might and strong pokemon!

To which, not wanting to hurt this strange small child, primeape falls over dramatically, clutching the side which she hit and lets its tongue flop out all goofy in the hopes of appeasing her. Maya, not really sure what to do, honestly not even having thought this far ahead starts getting worried for the pokemon and starts crying to which it quickly gets up in a panic to reassure her its ok. From there it kind of takes on this older brother position with her. Also playing with her, letting her grab onto it as she swings throughout the trees. 

Goodness this Maya is turning out to be much more of a wild child than her aa counterpart. She’s not exactly strong, but she’s more athletic I’d imagine in this version. More nimble but can definitely have her clumsy moments on occasion. 

putting last three under cut cause THIS IS LONG. IF YOURE ON MOBILE IM SO SORRY

Number three!

Goodness I stuffed way too much into those other HCs but onto Phoenix! Anyway this also remains for the most part unchanged. What you think the pokemon world doesn’t need lawyers? Anyway, quick tanget but trainers arent really…it’s not a sustainable lifestyle, most people do it as a way of coming of age before moving into the respective field they took interest in during their travels. So no, if you have a pokemon au you don’t have to be some professional trainer. Professional battles are like a sport and trainers are athletes. Sure people enjoy it on the side but it’s NOT the norm to make it a living off of it. You have to be smart and strategic in a very complicatedf sport that takes a LOT  of training and it’s not like in the game where if you spam tackle after walking around for 5 seconds you gain XP. its more like you’re a coach training 6 athletes in how to train their bodies in the best way possible while coming up with tons of game plans. 

anyway tangent over. Phoenix is a lawyer and this taking place in the pokemon world only lends itself towards there being much more factors to consider when thinking of how murders occured. Her life with Phoenix for the most part remains unchanged but as a side note Maya encounters a lot of pokemon along the way during her travels with phoenix. She thinks strong heroic looking pokemon are cool so she tends towards pokemon like sawk and throh or conkeldurr. OH AND IVE BEEN SETTING THIS IN SPECIFICALLY UNOVA AND ONLY RESEARCHING THE UNOVA DEX FOR MAYA ND THE POKEMON THAT SURROUND HER. 

I feel like.. Audino might enter theyre little group at one point? Like Stantler comes with her when she leaves the mountain cause Stantler is a worrywart and Maya is a mess and has never been down to the big city, but Primeape is more trusting in Maya and her abilities and knows shes much stronger than a lot of people give her credit for. He doesn’t come down the mountain to be with her until much later just cause he has a pack to guide. Actually the pokemon it leaves in charge is like another pokemon Maya is close with since it was primeapes apprentice and maya and this pokemon were kids together and kind of were the babies of the pack ANYWAY SORRY TANGENT. 

aNYWAY AUDINO. A while back Audino were attempted to be integrated into crime fighting in some way since the way theyre psychic powers work they’d be able to sense overwhelming…i guess malevolence or evil or bad intentions but like. It’s just REALLY unhealthy for them and it really signifigantly lessens their lifespans just cuase all the negativity eats away at them emotionally and one of the pokemon, it’s really old honestly like it was one of the pokemon that originally was part of this attempt to integrate these pokemon with the police force and was luckily enough like it survived long enough for them to end the program and it just…can’t endure being around negativity anymore like it’s really stressful so it enjoys being around Maya just cause she is really kindhearted and senstive and good and the Wright office is filled with kind hearted people so it just takes comfort being there. It doesn’t really leave the office though and while it’s there for everyone it really does belong to Maya for the most part. 

THATS JUST AN IDEA I HAVE THOUGH IDK IF ILL MAKE THAT PART OF HER CANON

Im kind of just going off on differen points in this one huh. Like the other wre a story here im just like SO MANY DIFFERENT THINGS. 

Number 4 (where diana tries to stop being ADHD and hopefully doesnt fail miserably)

Honestly you’d think being part of a back of fighting types would make her more suited towards groups and make her less selfish. Spoiler alert. It didn’t  If you think Maya is good at making people do what she wants now you shouldve seen her when she was a kid. Though it also means shes got a entire pack of fighting types who will die for her and if you make her cry you better be sorry. and if youre not you’re going to be.  

Oh and also dont think that just cause Maya is a forest girl that oh shes strong and knows how to fight cause like. She really doesn’t. Honestly the pokemon around her kind of coddled her and outside of her gaining enough stamina to hold up against running around with her pokemon friends she’s not really….all that much stronger. She doesn’t know how to fight either. She can jsut run really fast and is more likely to attempt more dangerous things that she’s seen other pokemon do cause WHY NOT. She basically just has more dangerous influences lol

Number 5 cause i want to wrap this up a bit

Oh boy now what can i do for a fifth one lets see… see the thing is Maya is basically the same between the two versions of her except for certain like physical differents that I just listed. 

I guess here’s one but she doesn’t….she’s not a good trainer. Like her team, right now, is an old man of an Audino. A Stantler that can only do hallucinations and is kind of bad at fighting and then this powerhouse of a Primeape. 

The Primeape is a GREAT fgighter but tends to keep to the mountains unless it starts missing her and comes downt o visit real quick. Her other two are just…weak. Maya though is really good at thinking on her feet so she can use what her pokemon do have to come up with some great strategies. Thought his doesnt reall come out unless shes backed up against the wall. See the reason why everyone percieves Maya as stupid and useless is because that’s how she percieves herself. Maya for the most part does what she can in what she think she can do but doesn’t really let her true intellect show because shes convinced shes an idiot. She kind of jokes around with bad ideas but she really is quick on her feet and good in a clutch.

So the only time you see her good skills with her pokemon and coming up with inventive ways for these basically powerless pokemon to get her out of tight situations is when literally shes by herself, there’s no one else to rely on and lives are on the line.

[chickenfetus]

all moongan

thank you for asking falen tbh i love u sm and i love doing these 

omg is this ask for this ask meme i literally almost posted this along with the wrong ask fml

1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk?

more cereal than mik because.. i dont eat cereal with milk……… i love the crunch

2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day?

as someone who lives in a tropical country is that what its called idk we dont have seasons and it never gets lower than 25 degrees so yes that would be ideal

3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books?

hrmmmmm… i just remember the page number?? or try to lmao if i dont remember i just skim through the pages and try to recognise where i left off

4: how do you take your coffee/tea?

with at least 2 packets of sugar tbh…. i dont drink coffee

5: are you self-conscious of your smile?

omg story time i went 2 get my braces removed and the dentist wanted to take pics so he was like “smile with your teeth!” and i was like ok! but then he kept saying i wasnt doing it right lmao… guess whos never smiled b4… (me) so he told me 2 practice my smile lol i didnt answer the qn but ya,,, i am probably

6: do you keep plants?

i used 2 be very against plants… now theyre okay i guess i dont rly keep any

7: do you name your plants?

refer 2 6

8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings?

art??? i havent drawn in awhile

9: do you like singing/humming to yourself?

no LOL

10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach?

on my side!!!! i cant sleep on my back bc i gotta hug smth.. and my stomach is out of the qn

11: what’s an inner joke you have with your friends?

🅱️… and .. same brainwaves…. poor mans ____…. this is all from the shady hq im so sorry my other pals

12: what’s your favorite planet?

the moon for no real reason

13: what’s something that made you smile today?

hMMm, watching astro and mx perform??? and just being shady with bell lmao

14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like?

this… question,,,..so im thinking of a bright place with white walls and translucent curtains so the light call fill the (living) room perfectly and everythings really ??? sunny and shit idk its warm… the floor’s made of (fake?) wood and theres a small kitchen bc i cant cook and idk if my friend would be able to lol.. theres 2 bed rooms both are painfully small but it works.. theres one other room with a closet for clothes… the bathroom is just a shower, sink and toilet… theres no washing machine rip and ?? thats about it poor mens life

i watchd the like we used mv again and i realized ...... that is literally where i got this imagery from thanks the rose i love a relatable band

15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is!

heres a fact (?) from me first: it rains diamonds on one planet ?? mecury maybe?? mars??? whomst.. this isnt even a fact its ,me trying to recall shit

ok real fact: There are thousands of other planets out there. sorry lads this website doesnt wanna have fun

16: what’s your favorite pasta dish?

is spaghetti bolognese a pasta dish

17: what color do you really want to dye your hair?

im chill with my current hair colour??? bc its brown sometimes idk shitty hair

18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up.

i asked my irl friends (group name: panic support group) and this is what they said

K: everything

E: when u were one hour late (i dont remember this happening but i do know im always late but never for an hour past me wyd)

19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it?

goDD i dont but i sure want to

20: what’s your favorite eye color?

this is strange but every eye colour is my favourite although ppl with two or more colours in their eyes are so cool

21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that’s been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces.

its just my school bag lmao i got it 4 years ago and i take it everywhere even if the event is “small” and they ask us to bring “smaller bags” ill bring my big ass school bag anyway it looks like this (i dont have to but linking stuff is so fun)

22: are you a morning person?

technically.???its the holidays but i still manage to get up before 10 (most of the time) and … even if i have like 5 hours of sleep i manage to feel awake really easily????

23: what’s your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations?

tf i just use my phone lmao this is what ive been doing for like a month now… i could watch every vlive i havent watched yet, i could make video compilations i could practice my art but… even though im out of school im still procrastinating.. legends only

24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets?

mmmm falens the closest to that

25: what’s the weirdest place you’ve ever broken into?

my classroom

26: what are the shoes you’ve had for forever and wear with every single outfit?

white converse??  i have 2 get new ones every like 2 years since theyre also my school shoes and break easily….. other than those i have my blueblack converse too (i dont wear them as much so theyre still in one piece)

27: what’s your favorite bubblegum flavor?

i dont eat bubblegum bc im always afraid ill swallow it and die and im p sure its illegal here

28: sunrise or sunset?

sunset but i dont look outside enough for either

29: what’s something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing?

hm……… with jen its when she sends me asks on anon despite it being super obvious like im not a Fan when my friends send me asks on anon bc sometimes i cant tell and i get a sense of false hope but w/ jen its okay but i know its her

with bell its when they reply to my keyboard smashes with their own keyboard smashes lmao and when they just??//?? say smth cute abt their faves (lately its been sanha thank u sh)

30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared?

ya lmao when i have 2 sleep alone and its completely dark i have half a mind 2 believe some random supernatural being is out for me

31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks.

hmM. socks are great i always wear them bc i wear shoes almost every time i go outside… i dont have any weird socks bc im Boring but i have 3 pkmn songs and 1 gudetama socks/.. bUT I DID buy my friend those socks with individual toe pockets… it was so funny when my other friend saw it she choked on her drink and almost spat it out. we laughed so hard we hit our heads against each other i love friendship.. i have 2 wear white socks for sch bc… aesthetic? god if i know lmao….. i only ever wear ankle socks bc….. socks any higher than that? cancelled.

32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends.

listen ive never stayed up later than like 1am ok maybe 2am??? but i was working on like a project that was due the next day for school with my groupmates (friends) so does that count lmao

33: what’s your fave pastry?

bread………. sugar donuts…….. i am Aware that thats not how u spell it but wtv

34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it?

why does this ask so many qns in 1 qn……. i had a cat?? it had pink stripes and it didnt have a name bc i dont name my stuff… even my pokemon.. and yeah i still have it except its in a big dusty bag where all my other toys are kept

35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often?

i kinda have to use stationary for school so ya.. p often is correct… pretty pens??? i dont rly see the point whoopS!!! in exams u can only use black or blue so

36: which band’s sound would fit your mood right now?

im listening 2 day6 so like day6

37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean?

my room isnt even my room i just go there to sleep .. the place im always at is like a study area except its open?? so everyone can see me lol and . its not messy?? if u look at it from far but the shit on the desk and shelves are so fucking messy god i need to pack those

38: tell us about your pet peeves!

aLRIGHT LADS welcome 2 megans ted talk

(skip this if ur not fond of drama)

so something (refer to the song he said suits myday) happened with jae recently and ive seen fans trying to defend him by @ing him and saying that they love him which is fine - great even! but what i dont approve is how everyone’s basically forgotten about the whole matter because they had concerts so instead of @-ing him and asking him to explain himself, they tell him what a great concert it was which is also great bc their concerts are honestly amazing. basically my pet peeve is when ppl dismiss the problematic action of some people just bc they like them.

another thing is that there were some fans who started guilting others for wanting to drop day6 completely because of what jae did and in my opinion i think it is totally cool to want to drop a group if they did smth bad like??? its ur life???? u can choose who you want to like. what is not cool is pulling out all the good things the person has ever done in their entire life and try to remind others about the positive sides of the person. yes. they’re an encouraging person, etc. but that does not cancel out the bad things they’ve done until they explain/apologise. what is infuriating is just the manner some people took it?? they literally went ahead and tweeted shit like “would your parents drop you if you did smth wrong?” and “you’re seriously gonna drop someone whos been nothing been nice because of one incident?” yes. people will and you dont have any fucking right to stop them? so dont go pulling out receipts.

another thing. its also okay to want to stan the whole group even if someone has done smth problematic. like? to me youre cool if youre able to see and acknowledge the bad shit someone has done and still stand by their side while educating them at the same time its nice to have faith in your idols. however, i wont say much when your idols dont respond and/or respond in a way that shows absolutely no remorse. its cool if you want to support them too, despite that.

tldr; dont fucking excuse someone’s behaviour/action just because youre so far up their fucking ass. dont pull out shit from before either, be it good or bad. and lastly, its okay to want to drop/continue supporting them, its your life.

i just wanted to talk about this tbh,, it was nice to see a few mydays trying to urge jae to explain the whole situation but seeing as he still hasnt and couldve it really irks me :-/

okay update its been a day and i havent really thought about this but im kinda conflicted now bc jae still hasnt talked about the song and im probably just making a big deal out of smth that will never happen again but it really doesnt sit right with me knowing that jae recommended that song to his fans and said it suited mydays?? bc looking at the lyrics... i SURE hope not... idk i have neither forgiven or forgotten but he’s okay now.? i cant stay mad at someone for that long anyway ill never forgive him 4 it though lmao petty ppl only

another thing... jae’s still an amazing person to me with all the encouraging words he says to mydays but this one incident is just soOOOOO hrm and i did go off tangent with the question as usual lol

39: what color do you wear the most?

i wear a lot of colours tbh??? but bc its rly hot out ive just been wearing the same shirt every time i leave the house and its black so

40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what’s it’s story? does it have any meaning to you?

i dont wear jewelry rip

41: what’s the last book you remember really, really loving?

challenger deep

42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it!

hm,, ive only ever visited this coffee shop like more than once bc the girl i used 2 like showed it to me b4 like 2 years ago and it was nice i liked their mocha frappe and its cozy i guess??? sometimes i go there with friends to study/just eat but i havent gone in awhile.., its two stories and it has an open air sitting area too i prefer sitting inside bc the sun is a big no thanks.. the ceiling is kind of like?? going downward?? like the kind iin attics???? idk man it was nice

43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with?

u cant see shit here sorry

44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything?

cant relate

45: do you trust your instincts a lot?

yea?? sometimes i just gotta bc my brain wont shut the fuck up

46: tell us the worst pun you can think of.

suddenly all of the puns i know have left my mind thanks @ me

47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe?

vegetables

48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today?

the dark and whats basically in it???? like ghosts zombies and shit u kno the scary shit

49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought?

i like buying albums?? theres a CD in those so it counts lmao i bought sunrise by day6

50: what’s an odd thing you collect?

boxes??? like containers????

51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them?

boxy and letting go by day6

52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far?

YOU KNOW I HAD TO DO IT TO THEM and oh worm

53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them?

me: rocky.. ?????? from astro.. /?? no ive never heard of any of those and i saw the word horror so u wont hear abt those from me any time soon

54: who’s the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face?

i literally havent been outside for 2 days

55: what’s the most dramatic thing you’ve ever done to prove a point?

be petty aka yesterday i changed my twitter icon from jae 2 brian bc jae’s being a child rn so hes out

56: what are some things you find endearing in people?

when they ramble abt smth they like thanksk buds

57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics?

is this the song from p!atd i have it in my playlist lmao oh i fucing hate this song i always skip it im not listening

58: who’s the wine mom and who’s the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why?

idk what either of those are but bell and boxy

59: what’s your favorite myth?

idk any

60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves?

anything that eunwoo has ever written

61: what’s the stupidest gift you’ve ever given? the stupidest one you’ve ever received?

ive given eggs for karissa’s birthday b4 and i got a kermit its not stupid tho its just the closest thign i could think of

62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind?

i drink water juice everyday every minute every hour

63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be?

my books are all in shelves lads i just  heard the fucking keys rattle im not doing this shit im logging off night

ok day 3 and im back like i said previously my books are on shelves i tried rearranging them by series b4 but my housekeeper rearrnaged them randomly the next day so i gave up

i make playlists for songs that i like, really like (i still skip them sometimes rip) and songs that my friend recommends me i have a seperate playlist for the songs i like in japanese 2

64: what color is the sky where you are right now?

light blue?? like its actually p white bc its cloudy

65: is there anyone you haven’t seen in a long time who you’d love to hang out with?

m not rly

66: what would your ideal flower crown look like?

just. leaves maybe??

67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel?

Horror Movie

68: what’s winter like where you live?

oh winter is fucking fantastic it never gets colder than 25 degrees celsius here and if it does rain it lasts for like 10 minutes

69: what are your favorite board games?

i used to rly like snake and ladders and monopoly :-o

70: have you ever used a ouija board?

im not ready for that kinda death

71: what’s your favorite kind of tea?

english breakfast or earl gray??? those r like the standard right

72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you’ll forget it?

ya but i never do bc i either forget to or am just 2 lazy

73: what are some of your worst habits?

being lazy + procrastinating :-D

74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns.

okie :-o ..

they’re great ok ive talked abt them like 10 times in the span of 2 months but whatever folks

they’re super nice, kind and just all of the positive adjectives out there in the dictionary ...... they’ve helped me multiple times and they’re always there 2 lend me a listening ear (or in our case, eye lmao) idk??? im just super comfortable around them always and im honestly so thankful we became mutuals (and subsequently friends) last year!!!! i cant say a lot bc ill just get v repetitive but overall they’re an awesome friend and im glad we still communicate daily via twitter and sometimes our skype sessions even if they’re kinda awkward bc i never know when 2 talk bc im scared ill speak and theyll say smth and itll turn into a MESS which actually happened lmao  

im looking forward to the day our skype sessions become super smooth and easy going!!!

75: tell us about your pets!

i have none but id die for boxys cats

76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren’t?

well yeah always tbh but its not smth i have to do but more like want to do im just 2 lazy to get around doing it

77: pink or yellow lemonade?

?? i almost said lemons arent pink but i Remembered...... yellow lemonade

78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub?

i feel like this is an Attack? okay LISTEN so story time again.

on the flight back from japan i watched the alien covenant and i couldnt even get past the scene where the baby alien was gonna kill the poor guy who ended up being locked up with the infected dude as soon as i saw the blood and the alien emerge from the guy’s back i bolted lmao

so to calm myself down nd block that memory from my mind i went ahead and watched despicable me 3.. which HONESTLY im the worst critic ever but in my humble opinion.... the movie was good????????? idk i didnt watch minions the movie though i got lazy again whooopS!

anwyay i sidetracked but im neutral im not a fan but i wouldnt go out of my way to call minions annoying?? bc they really arent? i feel like its only seen that way bc of how people make posts abt how annoying minions are even tho.. they arent??

79: what’s one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you?

my memory hates me so every specific thing my friends have ever done for me has left my mind but .

the cutest thing? everything my friends do for me

80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why?

theyre yellow and no i didnt theyve been there ever since i could remember

81: describe one of your friend’s eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of.

lava cake

82: are/were you good in school?

yeah i was good in school for like the first three years and this year i just flopped so badly lmao and its my important year too oh well my exams r over and i still dont have a backup plan in mind

83: what’s some of your favorite album art?

all of dance gavin dance’s albums have awesome art

84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones?

back when i was really into 5sos i thought of getting a tally since that was their logo at that time but now no not really unless i decide to get lance’s face tattooed onto my forehead on impulse

85: do you read comics? what are your faves?

im keeping up with hq, bnha and tg manga!!!!

86: do you like concept albums? which ones?

idk what those r but sure

87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives?

big hero 6

88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy?

who wrote this whats up with these questions

i googled and.. not really?? they all look nice

89: are you close to your parents?

close enough to stand being in the same room as them but not close enough to want to initiate conversations

90: talk about your one of you favorite cities.

tokyo was really cool (literally) and if i ever go again id love to go with friends so we can explore more??

91: where do you plan on traveling this year?

japan was supposed to be the only plan for this year but my grandad passed away so i had to go to malaysia multiple times earlier this year ik this wasnt the qn but ive already went to the planned destination tm so

92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch?

BARELY SPRINKLES A PINCH im anti cheese

93: what’s the hairstyle you wear the most?

um. like?? i tie the sides of my hair that cover my face back??? bc i dont like hair in my face

94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday?

bell

95: what are your plans for this weekend?

hopefully something useful

96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot?

i also click remind me tomorrow lmao

97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house?

infp-t, capricorn, hufflepuff (same as falen nd jen yay)

98: when’s the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it?

uh ive never been hiking and i dont plan on it sorry body

99: list some five (or id never shut up) songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them.

currently......

when you love someone - day6

like we used to - the rose

crazy sexy cool - astro

death of a strawberry - dance gavin dance

if it means a lot to you - a day to remember

idk if these actually “resonate to my soul” they just sound nice

100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why?

oh worm.. i wouldnt miind either???

i know i have 2 choose but like

if i go back into the past i could be less annoying?? but the past has actually helped me be the way i am today and i think im learning to be a better person?? im definitely way better than how i was previously 5 years ago and im just grateful i was able to learn from my mistakes???

so i wouldnt go back to the past.

if its in the future i can see how ill end up and if its not good i might end up being able to change myself so i dont get my “bad end”..???? maybe or i can just see what happens in the future and i can look forward to it

itll also give me a chnace to have the most fun while i can if its not too nice

so my decision is to go to the future

thank you so much for asking falen god this got so long lmao

[the99thchapter]

34

the following are entries from my lunadiary.

2018.12.24 p.m. 01:54  - the last week of 2018 x - let the past be bygone they say, little did you know, the sufferings and obstacles i had faced, To be where i am today never forget your struggles because they're a reminder for every hardship 

2018.12.27 p.m. 08:34 the luxury of happiness x - to feel happy is a luxury because not everyday is filled with joy So If i get to feel happy for every one second I'll be grateful i don't want to feel nothing Forever

2019.01.17 p.m. 05:06 Tbh - Hypothetically speaking, i don't know if I'm passing my stats and cma paper. I didn't revise in depth and I'm just guessing answers. Reminder to myself that if i failed, it was because i wasn't being hardworking enough. I was being complacent. I deserved this. 

2019.04.01 p.m. 11:15 what happens next?  - howto: cope with a broken friendship are there any cures for it? Guidebooks, therapy or prayers?I lost a friend because of my actions. Came to realization that I'm always hurting others. I know how it feels like, and I'm doing it to the people i love. I am the worst.

2019.04.11 p.m. 05:38 My parents.  - My mom thinks I'm here to ruin her life. Look, I'm not trying to make anyone cry or get hurt. But it always come back to the fact that i cause great pain to the people around me indirectly. I made my family cry. I made a friend cry. I make myself cry. It's like i am this terrible person who's causing so much pain to others. I don't get better. I get worse. 

I know my mom has been looking at me like I'm a monster for a while now. Years. She doesn't say it but i can tell. I'm no longer treated like a child, i get scolded like a stranger and I'm not worth of importance anymore. I think this is the universe way of telling me that I'm on my own and i should just deal with it. My dad wants to get closer to me but i push him away repeatedly. I'm a mean person but getting closer means opening up walls and i don't intend to do that. After having broke a parent, this parent should stay away from me. I hurt people so he shouldn't have to deal with me. He's a great dad but he's unlucky to have me. 

My parents are great people and they've been through a lot. My existence is nothing but a nuisance since the beginning. Please, universe. Do them a favour and do myself a favour. Get rid of me. Help them. Save them. That's all I'm asking. 

2019.04.23 p.m. 10:59 Plus one - all i ask for is a man who has a good heart. Someone who is polite in words and actions. not necessarily pious but does his five daily prayers without fail. Able to guide me on the correct path and be my jodoh in jannah. protect me from the evil and love me for who i am. Respects my family as a whole and accepts us for who we are. 

2019.05.09 p.m. 02:03 day 4  - Ya Rabb, i ask that you strengthen my iman. Encourage my heart to perform the five daily salahs and to dzhikir a lot. In this holy month i want nothing but truly your blessings. Taufiq hidayah. Rahmatilah kami semua, terimalah segala ibadah and amalan kami. I'm striving to become a better muslim in the eyes of no one else but Allah SWT. The most gracious, the most merciful.

  2019.07.08 a.m. 09:38 What is wrong with me?  - These words are haunting me at night. Every time i close my eyes, i hear it. "Why are you like that?" "You're not good enough" "The world doesn't need you" "Stop being useless to us." "You're a bad person." Hey, Reality check, i am indeed what these statements truly meant. I know for a fact that no one actually likes me. I radiate bad vibes negativity. People pretend to like me. My personality's kinda fake. Is this why no one wants to stick by me? Is that why the friends that i have now are only pitying me? What do i lack? How can i be a better version of myself? What is wrong with me? 

2019.08.01 a.m. 11:31 the first of august - D-23 to my birthday! To an age that society defines as a brand new decade! My 20's will be the coolest. I can't wait to get my first full time job, to graduate with my diploma, to hop on an airplane, to travel to cities, discover the world, meet people, find love and connection, try new adventures and to simply help the needy.  

2019.08.26 p.m. 02:18 - today i had my last exam for 2.1. the end of a semester. right now I'm sitting i’m the mrt. On my way to bugis. To buy film. But all i can think about is Will today be the day? What if right now is the moment? 

No current commitments. No plans. Just myself. I'm thinking about how in the midst of being surrounded by work to do, i have no time for myself. To recharge, to check in and ask if I'm truly okay..Because I'm not. I really am pushing or suppressing emotions. I'm not allowing myself to let go. No anxiety attacks lately. Am i getting better? Or is this just my mind playing tricks?

2019.10.01 p.m. 10:57 cbtl  - I have work at 8 am which I've decided not to turn up for because i think it doesn't matter if I'm there or not..i love the nature of this new job and the learning outcomes from it but it's been 3 weeks and it's tough. i get that it requires the ability to be quick and precise but i just cant you know? With this particular mgr breathing down my neck every single time, i feel so tensed?? i know the reality is that not every job will be easy but i don't think this barista thingy will work out for me :(  and I'm not deciding to ditch work just bc i can't handle things, but I'm tired from getting belittled for minor tiny ass mistakes i do. Why do people find the need to raise their voice and speak in a degrading manner while pointing out my mistakes which are so frickin small in front of others? To train me to be vigilant next time? Is it working? Yes. But did it hurt my self esteem? Totally. You saw my igstory lately... the one about smacking my face? It still upsets me :( I wasn't rude or anything i was honestly in a confused position. Because i genuinely did not know the exact ingredients to make iced latte (i wasn't taught yet) and the same mgr thinks i do even after telling her i dont!! I asked her if it's made from iced water base but she kept emphasising the word 'ICED LATTE' indicting that i was dumb and she got fed up and said it's milk based + I'll smack your face..rude. She could have told me. The thing about me is that i remember lists really well so if she'd told me at the beginning we could have avoided this moment that ruined my day and hurt my feelings. I know it was my fault for not practicing much last week so that's why when i was asked to make hot espresso drinks it caught me off guard. I told the same mgr that i did not have much opportunity to do so bc the other workers mostly made the drinks and she still belittled me. Also i had to make this drink called Hot Vanilla which is similar to Hot Chocolate and i remember DISTINCTIVELY that one of my colleagues taught me to use cold milk as base so i did the same thing and one of the other colleagues saw and again... in a loud degrading manner pointed out my mistake and proceeded to say things like "YOU ASK AND ASK SO MANY THINGS THEN DON'T BOTHER REMEMBERING SO U ASK FOR WHAT" in a really mean tone... that was uncalled for. i had to choke up my emotions and reply an apology in a joking manner like i always do bc idw to cry.

2019.12.18 p.m. 09:39 the decade in recap - 2009-2019 i was 10 years old then but I'm 20 years old today. I really grew up uh? I went through so many things. I did them. I became who i am today. 

2020.01.21 a.m. 08:45 three weeks into the new year and I'm already over it - year, please be nice to me. I've cried way too much. I don't want to be sad all the time. I want to feel like myself again. It's been years...that for some reason happiness and a good life can't work hand in hand for me. 

2020.01.23 p.m. 08:57 work hard and work smart?  - I studied only two days prior. But in those last two days i put in a lot effort. I sacrificed sleep, my health, hygiene and everything into utilizing every second to absorb as much studying as i can. I convinced myself that i can do it. I can make things work. But did it? I took my tax paper and did mistakes...obvious unforgivable mistakes that i actually practiced so hard on but still did it. I took my finance paper and my mind decided to omit the one information that i needed to answer that question even though I've memorized it repeatedly in my mind beforehand. It's really times like this where i truly am disappointed with myself. I could have done better had i put in more effort. I could have aced it if i did my preparation early. I hate feeling like this. I hate feeling like I'm not as good as my peers. This whole week was so tiring for me. I was alone and realized that i am ALONE alone. My friends? They don't even care about me unless i took initiative to approach them. It's been suffocating lately, trying to take in all the crap that I've been getting. I'm so tired of crying. I don't even want to feel happy anymore. What's the point....

2020.02.19 p.m. 01:06 1 down, 4 more to go - auditing.... you're not my cup of tea. I'll admit it. in the beginning i didn't understand what was going on. but after literally crash coursing on the whole module this past week, i can say i still don't get it. But nevertheless i think i did ok for the paper. Idk. I thought I'd failed my mst only to be surprised by the score. So maybe the universe will work the same way this time. Or not. 

So today i will be going on a full-blown revision marathon for my three papers next week. I'm pinning my hopes on getting at least B+/A for FOT and FOI. IF? we'll strive to get one level about the bare minimum. 

I hope this semester sees an improvement in gpa or maintenance of my current one. Would really break my heart to see it plunge down. To future me, we'll be okay. If we're not, don't beat yourself to it. While the whole "grades don't define you" advice does give a sense of relief, it means shit. Grades matter... At least for university. 

Remember that one day we'll get a degree. Failure isn't forever. 

2020.05.30 a.m. 04:37 Why i don't ask about my jodoh in prayers  - while i do romanticize love based on fiction and the amount of love series i watch, i don't necessarily crave for it. I used to, but i don't. One reason could be that i am not surrounded by many malay guys and two, i am not in a position to be able to experience it. It's both. I don't try and I'll not try. 

[celestialallstars]

Episode #5: “Every party is a pitbull party when I'm around” - Chloe

Honestly? I hope Sharky understands that all of it clearly was gamewise. I didn't care about his level of activity, but I cared about my game and unfortunately he was not apart of it. Having that out of the way, I want to use this next immunity to have a little bit more control for my game!

omg sharky left im sad 2 pots back to back although my pots is always gonna be brian <3 but yaa this so sad i wanted him to stay but votes werent there hes prob pressed but also like not my fault he was not as active i mean mitch isnt either but if sharky talked more hed be here know that

Zzzzz classic celestial double tribal. I bet we swap again at 15 and keep 3 tribes. AM I WRONG ANNA? AM I???? I’m just praying we win bc I, again, really don’t want to have to choose between Michael and drew. It’s just not FAIR to send either of them home rn but even though I know I’m safe with this majority I still want to be immune, and just pray I don’t get fucked by a swap here. If I can hit merge, I’ll be in good shape I think. Just gotta get there

DONT STOP THE PARTY. Every party is a pitbull party when I'm around

Chris seems very loyal to me So to have Bryce and Chris not willing to turn against me is going to bode really well for my long-term game I don't mind booting Stephen if we lose but I think I might be able to keep him If it will be good for me to have the thing with Mitch and Stephen at merge But the thing is, Tuatha would have to win immunity for it to be worth it to keep Stephen Because if they lose then Mitch is going to go, and what use is Stephen without Mitch?

WHY DO PEOPLE INSIST ON PLAYING LIKE THEY CANT CLEAN AFTER THEMSELVES? Kori slips his alliances, Stephen leaks his alliances, Rhys and Jared want Stephen out while Stephen wants Mitch to be used to go for Bryce and Kori despite all of these people being in an alliance together, Michael is asking for my hand in marriage, Chloe feels hopeless like me, Zach himself is a mess, Loris an even bigger mess yet I like them, Drew probably is ready to puzzle me and Loris out the door, Jack and Alyssa are problematically beautiful, Bodhi is just here, and Mo is going to kill us all with kindness.

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So now I'm gonna see if I can save Stephen since him going can hurt me a little. It's becoming clear to me that Loris talks to Rhys or Jared or maybe even Stephen but honestly? If Stephen is only saying Bryce and Kori's name then why not keep him and make him THINK that everyone is not onto him and them save him for later? Honestly even use him to take a shot at Bryce and Kori if all of them wanna but to take him out now even despite his problematic ways seems short shortsighted...at least I'm gonna try to get them to feel that way! Itll start by convincing Jared to convince  Rhys they should wait

So let's see it's about half an hour before the challenge is due. Sharky went home as was according to plan. 5-1 no surprises or anything. Immediately Anna slaps us in the face with her dick and we're face to face with a Double Tribal Challenge.

Would've probably done better if it was Sunday instead of Monday but unfortunately work got in the way and there really just isn't much I could do bout that. I'm HOPING we somehow pulled out a win. There's several elements where I'm thinking we probably got last but we also might've lucked out. To be quite honest, I'm not optimistic in the least. But I want to hold out hope that our luck will somehow turn out.

Everyone in this game is so good at challenges so it really takes some crazy stuff to pull things out. I also feel like I might be playing just slightly too relaxed on the social-strategic front, but there also hasn't been much to do other than try to maybe build bonds with people and try to be nice/likable. Most of the time when I'm at tribal the thing I want has tended to be the simplest and easiest thing to do for me.

Anyway, time to start my prayer to hopefully win this challenge and not get dicked by AnnaJane.

I'm kinda having this subtle realization that I'm in this alone. Which sounds obvious but like I don't know. As soon as I found out we lost I had this mindset of "Well just gotta hope the others choose to spare me." but bitch that's my fate I wanna choose what happens to it. So that's what I'm gonna try to do.

WE ARENT GOING TO THE DOUBLE TRIBAL BABY AND FOR THAT IM GRATEFUL. When I initially saw that the challenge was all flash games i was freaking. Im usually not the best at flash games, but i really stepped it up and won my portion of the challenge. I hope and think Jared and Stephen will be fine, so I am hoping we swap after this. If we dont, then it might be crazy if we go back to tribal. Loris wants to blindside Kori but idk if that is the best move for me.

So since we're one of the two tribes going to tribal we're currently in that phase of "fuck what do we do." and I'm gonna be honest its only a matter of who grabs the reins first and usually to see who is okay with said person driving. So I took it upon myself to grab those reins because if everyone's just sitting waiting I feel like my name has a chance of coming up. So instead of sitting and waiting for something that may not even happen, why not try to make something happen. So I threw out Stephen's name to Zach knowing that they have a "history" with the whole idol situation. Zach said he'd be fine with that, then I'm like going to Rhys like "Ok so it wasn't technically a name drop but I have heard Stephen's name" and Rhys was like "oh yeah I get that because he doesn't talk often." so I'm like yeah I'm thinking that too. This has such a high chance of turning around against me but if this does work I'm not gonna be able to do shit for a while without looking like a threat. Also if this does work I'm gonna feel like such a suave bitch, like oooh. Goat? Idk her... I'm gonna be eliminated.

God this fucking sucks. Real Sophie’s Choice moment here picking between Drew and Michael I don’t want to vote either of them out but also I’m not turning on Matt/Alyssa/Bodhi. Drew messaged me last night saying he didn’t want to go like this and it just killed me. I really don’t know what to do

Since we lost the challenge, campaign season has begun on Orfeo. The first 2 people I talked to were Jared and Zach. I suggested Mo as the easy vote since he's isolated original-tribewise and didn't perform well in the challenge, and Jared agreed immediately.

Zach was, in his own words, wishy-washy. I really don't like wishy-washy players at this stage of the game. It makes a bit more sense at merge or at the very beginning but if I'm gonna flip on Jared or Rhys at some point I want somewhere solid to land, Zach, Mo, and Chloe don't appear to be the players I'd want to make that jump with. They don't talk openly about game which makes it difficult to trust them.

Rhys also seemed okay with this plan but he was drunk last night so who knows LMAO. My conversations with Mo and Chloe were essentially meaningless. All I got from them was this deal that they'd tell me if I heard their name and likewise for them. Maybe they have an alternative and don't think they have to talk game with me. I do think I'm gonna try and play it safe for this vote and just push for voting Mo with Jared and Rhys. Hopefully the trust between us stays strong.

♪ I’m almost confident this will backfire and I will be eliminated~ ♪

So we lost this double tribal. Which low-key is probably good. Because were not gonna be on these tribes forever. So its good to cement some form of alliance from it.

It seems like its either Mo or Stepehen going tonight so that's good. There is pros and cons to both. Mo is from a different tribe and is more social to me. I feel like Mo wont be dis loyal so he would be a great ally. It would also show that I'm willing to work with other people moving forward, opening more doors. However in doing so, I may be closing a door on my old alliance of 5. So yes I am scared.

Right now I’m a bottom on the bottom so I’m gonna have to push it push it real good to flip some votes onto bodhi, I have a pretty good relationship with Alyssa and me and Matt have been in cahoots all game, but this is all stars and if I have to turn on Drew I’m not holding back I am not going home tonight, tomorrow or ever. I just can’t go!

So after I talked to Jared last night I proposed the big alliance idea to Zach without asserting I wanted it. Leaving it up in the air could make him less likely to think I'm pushing it. SO while that is going on, Jared filled me in on Rhys' anti-Steph brigade but it sounds like they may cave to voting Mo. ON TOP OF IT ALL, Kori and Bryce literally were saying they'd like a Tuatha-Orfeo alliance which coincidentally coincides with the big alliance? Huh. But if they're genuine then this has A LOT of potential.

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I do feel like I'm playing messy but I told myself I'd play a little different if it meant increasing my odds. I wont try getting too hopeful just yet. Now I've told Steph that BK wama have our tribes work together and this left Steph reiterating how it sets us up nicely that nobody suspects us. I truly feel people will suspect Loris/Steph before me/Steph but still I know me and him are close so if we can last long enough to play legit together, it will be amazing. Woooo go friends

so we r at tribal again, love that for us! 3rd one of the season, thus making all OG Cyrena having been to the most tribal councils. I did pretty poorly on the challenge, but as did multiple others its no big deal. I'm pretty shit at winning immunity anyway so its ok.

I feel like i am in a similar position as with last time i played. I'm clearly very weak socially (and admit it, ive been MUCH busier than i thought i was going to be since university has started) and have a tight 3 who all are like pretty close together, and have multiple advantages. So im being very loyal atm. just quieter than i would like. I find some of these ppl v.boring tho and you can tell some are just doing the rounds to keep face so they can't be accused of a bad social game LOL. Sharky also left last round which makes me SO sad UGH. MY ONE TRUE LOVE, KILLED TRAGICALLY BEFORE WE COULD BE REUNITED. Its like romeo and juliet, only with a gay and a straight and the gay got stoned to death by evil people. fucking RUDE.

This vote tho... its.... interesting. Maybe i WILL shove my head in the sand, get wildly drunk and just ignore everything that is going on. sounds much better tbh. I feel like a warrior ant, just being told what to do, no matter what is going on. Alyssa is genuinely looking out for me however, and wants bodhi gone as we still have 2 big shields due to the lovely meta game as both are known to be big players. Both will go along with it as well, as it saves their skin (drew and michael). Not sure how Jack is going to take it because i can't tell their connection together, mainly cause bodhi and I barely have one. and i think that is the issue. I don't know him well enough so i don't really care about him being voted off (its better tho tbh cause i genuinely like and care about michael and drew, lets be real matthew.) not sure if its a timezone thing or just my sheer laziness and lack of social game, i am unsure.

omfg im immune at double tribal. im coming 15th again tho. i hope not. idk. like. i think ill be fine even if we swap..... like. i think im good with quite a few people? despite the fact ive disappeared this week ok yeah that's true i think i'm wrong. we'll see :sob:

Do I want to keep Drew and Michael? Absolutely. Does that mean I'm okay with Bodhi going? Fuck no. Bodhi is loyal to me, Bodhi will not turn on me, Bodhi is not a threat to me. But Bodhi is threatening to Alyssa and Matt and they're my closest allies and they want to keep Drew and Michael and now we're blindsiding Bodhi because tribal lines DON'T FUCKING MATTER. I mean don't get me wrong, fuck tribal lines I'm so game to throw that shit in the fire but like, it's not the best move for me. Hopefully this bodes (bodhis haha punny) for me.

Ok now that I think about it going into a merge with less original numbers is actually good for us so maybe this isn't the worst. Idk I just feel bad I really wanted to work with Bodhi and now I basically have to cut him because it's majority on him either way and my allies don't trust him. Sucks man but it's allstars.

It's really next level that I am was able to

1. Keep the vote on Mo (Rhys campaigned against Stephen, and Bryce confirmed to me that Rhys wanted Stephen out) 2. Make Chris feel like he convinced me, and that I'm doing it for him and I, when mostly it's for me and partially for Bryce 3. Secure Zach's loyalty this round (calling with him and talking about game and non-game related things to re-establish our great rapport) 4. Keep Stephen in the dark about Rhys targeting him so that I can use that information for later

And this was all without much time on my hands.

Tribe Trust List 1. Chloe 2. Zach 3. Rhys 4. Stephen 5. Mo

Master Trust List 1. Bryce 2. Chris 3. Chloe 4. Mitch 5. Zach 6. Rhys 7. Stephen 8. Loris 9. Kori 10. Mo 11. Alyssa 12. Michael 13. Bodhi 14. Drew 15. Matt 16. Jack

god i hate this like no one ever wants to do what i want to do why do i have to be a brat every game. like its not like i want to its just ppl refuse to listen to what i want so yes ofc im gonna act out??? UGH

I guess I am about to find out if possible change is needed for my game or not moving forward. I can hope for a million things but all it takes is one to make it all hopeless

So some new information has come to me today. Chris has been approached by Kori with the idea of forming some kind of Tuatha/Orfeo Alliance. This is sort of what I wanted to do already but the fact that other people are proposing it is just great for me.

This just adds another reason to vote Mo out. He's original Cyrena and could become a part of a resistance to this group once merge hits. I'm personally pulling for this alliance to be made. It just brings me one step closer to the end and unites my major allies (Chris, Mitch, Jared, Kori) under a single flag.

---

ANNNNNND There's been some drama on the old Orfeo tribe! Mo admitted to me that he's tried to vote me out, but due to the fact that people aren't talking to him, he now thinks the vote has switched to him, which is, hopefully, correct. If Mo had made a proposal like this to me right after we lost the challenge or before, I would've had to think about it, but as it stands, he's one person who has seriously thrown my name out there. I can't let that slide.

So, I devised a plan.

Step 1: Lie

How DARE Mo throw my name out there? I would never do something like that to him! Except I did, to everyone on the tribe, whoops. It's okay though, I lied and said Rhys did it, and I think he believed me.

Step 2: Join the resistance

Mo wants to get Rhys out, great. I'm happy it's not me. But that's a bad and unrealistic idea. SO I told him that in order to get a 3rd person willing to tie with us, we should target Chloe instead, and aim to recruit Jared.

Step 3: Recruitment

Now me and Mo are trying to recruit Jared one hour before tribal council. Except, not really. It's just Mo. I've told Jared about my plan to get Mo's vote off of me and he's in on it. Now, Jared can tell Mo the truth, or lie, and it doesn't really matter. Mo seems to feel too guilty to vote for me at this point. So mission accomplished.

Villains DO have more fun, don't they?

(I'm gonna look like such a dumb jackass if this plan doesn't work whoop, but oh well, I managed to fit one contrived plan into my time on All-Stars, so it's worth it!)

So right now I’m very nervous about this vote because even though people have said I’m safe I know bodhi is voting for me and he might just have an idol so like that’s my worry of getting idolled out lollll but uh I’m pretty worried about tonight so worried I might just throw my vote onto Drew and really protect myself and give me at least a little chance of staying due to an idol but who knows!

I think this is my last day which makes me incredibly sad. I feel like a failure if I’m being honest. There’s a slim chance I’ll stay. I had such a fun time playing.

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I was destined to be an early boot

Update:

So I can't use Rhys campaigning against Stephen this round as effectively.

Stephen knows his name was thrown out by Mo, because Mo TOLD him. Then Mo made a pitch to Stephen to work together, and Stephen told Mo that I might vote Chloe.

Long-story-short, it was just a ploy by Stephen to get Mo's vote off of him. I did a lil magic to make Stephen feel secure that I had his best intentions at heart, and I let Mo down easily that he is going home.

Mo was a fighter in this game and I give him all due respect. Now watch him idol me out ugh 16th looks cute on me

YAAASSSSS we woooooooonnn! I'm so happy to be avoiding this double tribal. If I can make merge at least that'd be a dream.

I had a conversation with Bryce and Chris and they don't seem opposed to doing a sort of pagonging of the Cyrenas because we talk with them the least. I'm not sure if that'll actually be an option come merge but if it is that'd definitely help me make it deeper in this game as a majority of my connections are my OG tribe barring Clohie, Chris, Loris, Drew, and Bodhi. Honestly if more OG Cyrena's like Matt, Alyssa, Jack, and Michael found themselves going this premerge I wouldn't complain.

I'm getting real tired of missing this idol system time window like a dolt though, I've no doubt I'm gonna pay for it later. But I also did win my game without idols so it's not like I HAVE to have them. It'd just be nice to shake things up since I did wanna play differently this time.

Anywho back to celebrating! Woooooooo~

WHY DOES MY TRIBE SUCK AT EVERYTHING....At least they're not voting me out this round. Matt tried to give me an "option" after an hour negotiation that Alyssa already said he was down for, but he wanted me to think it was coming from him. Isn't that adorable.

RIP Bodhi

________________________________________________________________

Bodhi and Mo are voted out in a double elimination.

[jess-oh]

Reflection

In case you don’t live forever, let me tell you now I love you more than you’ll ever wrap your head around In case you don’t live forever, let me tell you the truth I’m everything that I am because of you

i have a senior banquet meeting in about two hours and im hoping to at least start writing my philosophy paper at this point. hopefully i can finish it! and then tonight i can code my website a little bit more and start researching for my IP Conflict class.

Sigh.

I’m conflicted.

I met with Joy by chance today and she invited me to eat lunch with her which was really nice and I was touched. I’m making active efforts in making Movement a better community, even if I don’t get to experience it. I think I’m just really tired. I was definitely much more physically tired while we were talking but for some reason, I just decided to vent everything and confess everything. She was really good at listening and it was nice just being able to talk without worrying I was talking too much or not doing a good enough job. Especially because she’s a freshman, I want to do my best to serve her and invest into her and be there for her but I do think part of the reason I’m so miserable and feel like I can’t rely on Movement as my community is because I haven’t let them. I never reach out to them for help. I just try to do my best to be there for them and let them vent to me and have them rely on me but honestly, I haven’t been the most honest with them either. It’s not fair for me to blame them when I definitely could’ve been more honest and open with them as well.

The night that Jason told me the things people had been saying about me and what I should be more aware of, I cried. A lot. I wasn’t necessarily hurt because I knew those things weren’t words from him and he told me out of place of care and I took those things to heart and made active efforts to change. And I did and I am still constantly looking for more ways that I can do better. But I think I just became so paranoid after that night of always maintaining a certain image but never just being able to be myself. And I’ve been increasingly more tired and burnt out recently so my true colors have been coming out and I am having a lot more genuine fun this way but idk. I think I just don’t trust the Movement community enough to tell them my problems without them feeling like theyre in a position where they have to take care of my problems all the time but are uncomfortable with telling me what theyre going through when i am here to serve them. I do genuinely care for them. I do. But I’m just so tired of serving and seemingly getting nothing out of it. 

I kind of just want to go home for a couple months and rest there and not have to think about anything and to just be with people I know definitively do genuinely care for me and I never have to worry if they lowkey dont like me or disapprove of how i handle some situations. Sigh.

I’m just really tired is all.

I can’t believe it’s already almost April and time for the summer. For my friends to graduate and leave me behind. They’re moving on to bigger and better things and I’m excited for them. I just gotta reprioritize and adapt to the new situation now. I was able to do well this past year. Hopefully I can do it again. I’d love to see them again and for them to come and visit. I do really love them all, a lot. Sosososososo much.

I also feel bad saying no if people tell me to do something bc I know technically I could help but it’d be easier for me not to. I would have more free time and time to relax and be free if I didn’t take it. But technically, I could do it so I don’t want to say no. Earlier today, Wookie messaged me asking if I could be the official admin person for VS this term and be in charge of scheduling, finances, etc. And technically, I could. I do enjoy doing administrative work and I’m good at it. But that’d just be another thing for me to worry about on my plate.

I also think I partly brought this upon myself. I’ve been trying so hard to prepare myself and properly equip myself for to return to Turkey to serve the Kurdish people for a year by the time I graduate and as a result, I’ve been hyper equipping myself and making incredibly fast progress to challenge myself to do better and have more self discipline and set goals and accomplish them. I’ve been filled with so much determination to do better but I’ve gotten so caught up in doing this that I lost sight of the reason I started doing this in the first place. I want to invest into the local church so that I have a better understanding of what it means to truly love someone/something and not caring at all the sacrifice it takes on your part because you love them so much. I’ve been expecting something in return instead of just loving them with all that I am. But love doesnt have to be so one sided. It can be open. If I’m willing to be open and vulnerable with them. If they genuinely care and want to know how I’m doing as friends, then I should let them instead of being so closed off and having a me vs them mentality. It has been lonely but it’s also because I’ve been digging my own grave. I don’t want to serve in InterCP just to have Christian friends that genuinely care for me and are also centered in Christ. I don’t want to serve just because I feel like I need to in order to best prepare myself for the mission field. I want to serve because I want to use it as an opportunity to lift up the next generation of missionaries and pray over them because I know that God will use them in such an incredible and mighty way. I want to serve InterCP because I care about how it’ll spread the good news and the hope of Jesus Christ. I want to serve for that. And honestly, right now that isn’t the case. It might’ve been at first and idk how I got sucked back into serving but I did and now here I am. I need people to rely on and that I know genuinely care for me. And people that I can genuinely care for too.

Joy asked me today when I feel the most relaxed and like I can just rest. And I really couldn’t think of any examples or moments or people where that’s true. I’m always slightly on edge. Maybe with my roommates but even with them I act like I have it more together than I actually do. I can think the most clearly when giving them advice and I’m not so confused or afraid of the weight my words will carry in what I say and how it’ll influence/impact them. 

I feel like I’ve worked really hard to gain the trust of my community and I don’t want to lose it because I was confused and said something stupid instead of taking the time to really think it through and give them the best possible answer. But I also think just being there, in the moment, and really present and attentive and intentional is enough as well.

Sigh. idk.

im pretty lonely. 

i do trust pjosh but i want concrete advice on what to do instead of having to figure out myself all the time. but i guess thats pretty selfish and unrealistic to ask of for anyone. i can rely on other people to always make decisions for me. i gotta do that by myself. or more importantly, with God in mind and how to best serve/glorify Him.

sigh

i just really need to rest dude, haha.

im really tired.

anyway, thanks for chatting with me journal.

i pray this all in your name,

amen.