#this one doesnt have a name yet either. maybe someday!

[mamadarama]

Just curious on your opinion here do you have any thoughts on the way Madara is being written? Recently I came to the realization that enstars writers aren't all that great,, and I notice that Madara at least in my opinion has had very little development and progression as a character but I'm genuinely hoping I'm wrong but I don't see much difference. And I do hope I'm wrong cuz I definitely haven't read every single story ever in Enstars and it could just really be Madara's character but it feels like he hasn't budged an inch and when DF rolled around it seems like he's gonna progress only for the writers to make him wanna split up literal months after (SS) and it was fine the first time since we explored that part of his character but right after that we got the Spring event and he's?? Back on his bullshit as if whatever happened during Secret Service didn't have much impact. And I do understand his character and all but I often wonder how much of that is just his character (immovable mountain with deep roots that will take years of continuous effort to move) or just the writers half assing because they can't think of a more compelling narrative for double face other than Madara wanting a breakup. It's especially sad to me with Last Mission because as much as I can understand DF being temporary and meant to end, it feels like nothing has changed in Madara during !! Era. I'm hoping that new gen Madara can change that since he's already featured in the new shuffle and scout story, and it does look like he's changing the vibes a little. Idk what are your thoughts and genuinely no hate here I love Madara and I'd love to hear your opinion :)

i think the writers do a pretty good job with the story actually !! i ended up spending a few hours writing like 3 pages of stuff so this one gets a readmore ^^;

theres a tldr at the end though if you dont wanna hear me talk in circles like some kind of maniac (understandable i dont either)

at this point madaras story is a tragedy and hes not really supposed to be a satisfying character . youre supposed to be some degree of frustrated with him like all the other characters are. the story isnt over yet though and maybe he will get a satisfying happy ending someday , but this is all buildup. having madara go through negative character development while the rest of the 3rd years have significant positive character development puts emphasis on one of the main points of his character: you cant help someone who doesnt want to be helped . shu wanted to become more empathetic. eichi wanted to unlearn his bitterness. kaoru wanted to leave his playboy reputation behind. izumi wanted to learn to control his emotions . madara has two sides to him that refuse to coexist— anger and misery. the angry side of him has given up on himself and leans into his perceived role as a villain because he believes alienating his friends is the only way to save them and for once be the hero. the miserable side of him is the sad and "selfish" part that keeps him returning to his friends again and again despite believing hes a bad influence on them, because he still seeks acknowledgment and praise from others and doesnt want to believe its too late for him. he bounces between these like a metronome . (maybe thats another layer of reasoning behind double faces name, idk) so, he doesnt know if he wants to be helped. he thinks he doesnt deserve it. pulling someone out of a ditch that deep requires some legwork on their part too, and if they wont put in that legwork, well... then there's nothing you can do. madara isnt quite a rooted mountain that takes a long time to move... hes more like an injured tiger pacing in its pit , so fixated on looking for a way out that it wont look up and see the entire top is open where its keepers are waiting to take it out and treat its wounds . now suppose this tiger is sentient enough to worry it might hurt someone on impulse when the disinfectant stings its wounds. additionally, lets say the tigers wounds came from falling and cutting itself on something in its habitat while making a risky jump , and it believes it deserves to be hurt for such a stupid misjudgment. so even when it notices the top of the pit is open, it will continue pacing pretending like it didnt. thats where madara is at right now .

madara broke up double face partly out of self sabotage, and partly out of a twisted attempt to "save" kohaku from him. kohaku and madara are an interesting contrast because their characters are set up in a very similar way. the difference between them is that kohaku doesnt hate himself even close to as much as madara does, and as a result he IS getting better. kohaku believes hes always going to be part of the underbelly of society doing dirty work and hes resolved to that like madara is, but he doesnt believe that means he has to do it alone . he acknowledges that hes not alone, he has the rest of alkakurei, the sweets club, jun, his sisters and tsukasa.... and madara. the first part of beating loneliness is recognizing youre not alone. madara thinks no one understands him (which in itself is its own kind of loneliness) and that if his friends understood "what he really is", they wouldnt love him. so in a way their presence eases one kind of loneliness and reinforces another. in his mind the only person who understands him is himself and therefore the only one who can save people from himself is also him.

theres a scene in last mission where madara says his reason for disbanding double face is something along the lines of wanting kohaku to live where he can feel the sun on him , and kohaku asks "what about my feelings?" . that pretty much sums up madaras entire thought process and why he isnt making any positive progress .

tldr; madara does have character development between es! and es!! , but its not positive. to have such a stubborn self loathing character make positive progress without a slow burn of warring with themself and dragging their feet would soften those traits. they want him to stand out and make you to go "ohh ok so this guy is MISERABLE miserable" .

so anyways i dont think its lazy writing its just character loyalty. but the fact that you noticed all that means youre reading him the way hes intended to be read. so congratulations!! you now understand what its like to be kohaku oukawa :) if he does get positive character development i hope its really slow though cuz if its too fast it would feel kinda abrupt. it needs to feel like hes fighting the writers for it to truly be madara

[magicianenthusiast]

random lov headcanons

tomura was (and is) the biggest bug kid. he loves them. after he came to afo he was wary of dogs bc of mon and wasn’t allowed any other pets/friends anyway, so he got fond of the spiders and creepy crawlies he found around the bar. he also likes them because theyre also misunderstood and disliked for no reason.

after he gets out of prison he gets a pet tarantula. shuuichi puts up with her bc he’s a good boyfriend and eventually grows fond. dabi and kurogiri are entirely indifferent but the rest of the league refuse to touch/go near her

when compress and kurogiri started to flirt tomura was extremely protective and suspicious of compress. he enlisted the rest of the league (this was post kamino but pre-kurogiri’s arrest) to secretly investigate compress for anything sketchy. unfortunately none of them including tomura really knew what constituted sketchiness amongst a group of supervillains so after a while they gave up. tomura kept a close eye on compress for a long time tho.

dabi has his real name tattooed onto his inner lip along with his date of birth. he got it done when he was 19 just in case he died on the street before he could reveal anything, in the hopes that maybe an autopsy would be conducted.

all the league donate blood to himiko on the regular, so long as she uses clean needles

himiko usually has a supply of league blood on her, and even if not she usually still has some in her system, and she transforms into them whenever she feels unsafe.

after they get out of prison tomura is finally free to express himself with his body. afo banned body mods bc a.) tomura wasnt supposed to go outside and b.) because that’s going to be his body someday

tomura has his hair cut short whilst he was in prison, but ends up growing it out again afterwards bc it just felt weird

he gets tattoos. i havent decided exactly what but he definitely lets each of the league design a small stick and poke each for him. probably gets a few video game themed ones too, and some flowers in honour of hana and the rest of his family (sans his father).

during his surgery to get new skin grafts dabi loses all his staples and piercings. after he gets out endeavour gives him some money (with the offer of more if dabi is willing to move back home) but instead touya uses it to replace all his old piercings and get new ones

he convinces tomura to go with him. tomura gets a lip ring and a helix piercing.

dabi always wanted a pet (specifically a dog but he wasnt fussy) growing up but was never allowed one. during prison he was approved for a therapy cat, a scraggly black rescue. she spends 90% of her time riding on his shoulders and hates everyone but him.

at some point he also gets a dog as well. i havent decided what breed yet. he spends an ungodly amount of time training it even tho he insists he doesnt care.

dabi, tomura and shuuichi have never been to a hairdresser before and none of them ever plan to. they either cut their own hair (dabi and shuuichi) or just dont cut it at all (tomura)

dabi and kurogiri are amazing cooks. tomura is an ok cook but only cooks and eats the plainest foods imaginable. himiko, shuuichi, magne and jin are all decent cooks, they just don’t have any particular passion for it. compress isnt allowed near the kitchen unsupervised under any circumstances.

after they find out about dabis 3 year coma the league decides that it means that dabi is actually 3 years younger than he says he is, making him 20 when he joined the league. dabi calls bullshit but both tomura and shuuichi insist that they’re actually older and therefore he has to respect them as his elders. 

maybe at some point after he gets out of jail the todoroki sibs jump on this too. touya is Not Pleased.

dabi and atsuhiro often get high and watch the worst/most obscure movies they can find together

all of the league love watching horror movies together and laughing at them.

garaki replaced the piece of jawbone dabi lost with a piece of someone else’s skeleton. he did a reasonably good job but dabi’s jaw is still ever so slightly lopsided.

bc of the burns on his throat sometimes he ends up not being able to talk, sometimes for up to a few days at a time. in the begining he’d just disappear until he got better or else write down what he wanted to say, but his handwriting is shit so in the end he begrudgingly admitted defeat and learnt sign language. the whole league learnt with him.

kurogiri is half ghanaian and dabi is quarter chinese

spinner had a tail when he was born but his parents ended up paying for it to be amputated when he was young. thanks to stress and a poor diet it never grew back, but after he gets out of prison it does (though it’s always a little shorter than it would’ve been had it grown normally)

they also had his retractable claws removed. later on before he joined the league he got new claws fitted, ones made of metal, but they’re non-retractable

spinner requires more protein in his diet than the baseline human. dabi needs a lot of calories bc his quirk burns through them so fast even when he’s not actively using it.

neither of them realise this until they’re being rehabilitated. they still get prison food, but it is catered to their dietary needs and they both have  realisations of oh so THAT’S why i felt so shitty all the time

after getting out of prison tomura starts going by tenko, but he still responds to tomura

touya considers changing his name to something completely new, but eventually decides not to. he does usually dispense with his surname entirely tho

he usually goes by just touya, no last name

if he absolutely has to give a surname (outside of a legal documents where he has to put down todoroki) he usually just picks one from the league. sometimes he’ll put it down as hikiishi touya, sometimes sako touya, etc.

[shiikiyun]

theres this idea going around in my head that im not sure how to execute well yet but its like... a shiguang dailiren milgram au type of thing? mostly w focus on the 11 milgram characters

if ur not familiar w sgdlr its basically abt 2 guys that have time travelling powers they use to help their clients achieve something (get clues on a case, get info they missed in a specific moment, say something to certain people etc). they do this by entering photos, one can see all events post the picture being taken, and the other can control the person that took the picture from that point on. context is necessary for what i want to get to

The show is like, for a good part of it, the audience getting to know different characters and their stories through the main duo. All we have at the beginning is their request, and along the protagonist we speculate why or how things came to be, questions slowly being answered and making us sympathize with the client and/or the people around them.

And i, unable to not make everything about futa if i can help it, and as someone fascinated by this concept and its execution in the show, naturally, wondered how an episode about him would be. And then it kinda spiraled?

Imagine if instead of going through the torture chamber that is milgram, the prisoners went to this humble photo studio through the hearsay that there's this witch that can dive into a photo and into the past to solve your problems (either post or prior their "sin", maybe it isnt them that contacts the service but someone close to them does), in an attempt of fixing things or picking themselves up from the low point theyre at.

For the sake of not mixing the franchises, maybe es is the one with the diving power (no idea whod be the one that can see the events post picture though. maybe novel es? rei? idk. didnt think that through). Also, it doesnt necessarily have to be directlt related to what got them in milgram in canon, it could be any other problem that character is implied to be going through (like mahiru's relationship with her parents, for example)

And like, again, its just an idea, and I kind of have some thoughts on how to go about certain characters (namely futa. lol), but i dont have anything concrete... i feel like this would be much better written than drawn (thats so much work god bless) but thats pretty much about it help

I hope i can figure it out and do something about it, its like, a fun way to do character studies. I dont think i could handle all 10 characters (i dont think id ever have the motivation to write kazui), but who knows, maybe i get on a roll someday... i just needed to type the overall idea to Get It Out There instead of keeping it floating in my head lol

[butterscotch-goat]

🖊 lucy beacuse you loveeeee gingers

you're so right I do love gingers

OKAY I already talk about Lucy a lot so let's see what I can pull out of my ass crack today

Let's start from the beginning??? I guess??

SO originally Lucy was going to be this super mysterious character, mostly because I didn't have any ideas for him at the time. He was going to just go by "boss" and he had melty fractured wings and a halo to represent how badly he missed heaven. wowwwww so cool and edgy bett. anyway. Ended up decided that all fallen angels lost their halos and angels never had wings so that was all scrapped, and for a hot minute I just had this pathetic little guy. I've always seen interpretations of Satan as either super suave, attractive guys or big strong meanie pants or the occasional goat gremlin thing, so I thought having literal Satan as a sad little man wouod be funny. That part is still true, but he's not *literal Satan* anymore since "Dawn" isn't bible-compliant, Lucy was/is just the leader of the fallen angels.

About that "was/is," I feel like I never stressed enough how none of the demons really respect Lucy anymore. Like they don't outright dog on him really but everyone knows that he's a sopping wet cat of a demon. Everyones kinda just like "yeah our boss is a mess of tears and paperwork but like no one else wants to be boss so he can stay"

about his name! Lucy - he wanted to change his name after falling to separate himself from heaven but also to have a name that might cause fear among humans, so he looked to the names humans gave "him" (Satan) - he liked Lucifer, but didn't wanna just steal a name from humans because humans SUCK!!! so he shortened it to Lucy, not knowing that Lucy is a completely normal human name. No one's told him that Lucy is a completely normal name yet and no one plans to :)) he hates going to earth nowadays anyway so he probably won't find out

Currently, his job is making a MASSIVE PLAN for the ULTIMATE COLLAPSE OF HUMANITY!!!! very evil boom fireworks swords bkaw!!! Buuut since gene broke up with him in 1922 Lucy spends most of his time sleeping, crying, or generally being pretty sad. He still works on his PLAN!! because he has nothing else to do besides those previously mentioned activities, tho

I've mentioned this many a time before I think, but when Lucy was an angel (aka Abigail (that was his name when he was an angel)) he made underwater volcanoes, helped making clouds, and made a bunch of bigger, more vague stuff that was created before all the other angels were made. Abigail was the only angel for 100ish years as of typing this, so really not too long. In that time it was just him and Jod, Abigail kinda did whatever he wanted, making stuff and concepts and Jod being his buddy :D

Fun fact!! Y'know how Lucy has that split hair, one side ginger and really poofy and one side not? Well about that not side, I have no fuckign clue what is going on. Is it shaved? Maybe!! Is it dyed black? I dunno prolly??? I haven't thought about it!! I just color it in and give it vague texture!! Will I have to figure it out someday? Yeah but that's for laterrrrr

If he didn't hate humanity and refuse to partake in their ridiculous customs, Lucy would be drinking some form of energy drink 24/7. He doesnt sleep even without an energy drink and he's always on edge regardless but like it makes sense to me. He would chug a purple monster. this is important 2 me

his shoes give him 2 1/2 inches of extra height but he's still short as fukc

you may already know this but 536 AD was when Lucy was in his PRIME!! he ENJOYED going to earth because whenever he did he would just FUCK SHIT UP!! and made humanity sad n stuff!!! but then things started getting better for humans so it wasn't as fun anymore

Okay I've already talked a lot and will talk a lot in the future about this little idiot so that's all for now!!

[cometmystic]

hey!! i dont think youve posted abt this yet so… tell me abt your fav characters!!! :D

im about to ramble and expose some weakpoints on the internet so heres a cut !!! im gonna talk about the three that are in the forefront of my mind at the moment !! maybe this will change if you ask me in a months time,,, maybe not !!! mwah thank you for sending me asks sweetie

lots of history with this girl; soo i found out about her during my first mugen phase ? so like 11-13ish,, there was a genre of character that was modeled to play like smash bros characters, and in looking those up, i found one of this weird woman... hong meiling was her name ? she was related to this weird frog girl whose hat was evil and maybe the mcdonalds song girl ? whatever the case i needed to download her. and i couldnt because the download was down. this sent me uo the wall for several years and implanted her name into my brain,, up until i got into touhou proper thanks to you actually !!

so now im learning about the lore and the characters, and turns out theres more to this meiling than being elusive and pretty !!! so this gloomy, scary place behind one of the touhou worlds most significant battles is guarded by this friendly, easygoing redhead ? and shes fiercely loyal and protective of the mansion as well as gensoukyou, despite being employed by people who almost ate the world right up ? thats so wonderful !! shes so cool !!! and she takes care of flowers, and canonically doesnt like dodging bullets and tries catching them instead, and no one has any idea of what she is...!!!! theres so much to her !!! but most of all, the absolute tragedy of some of her mansionmates getting boatloads of development and lore, while shes,, basically in the same place she started in ? even flan did ! but meiling still gets depicted as just lazying about, despite that trait of hers being in favour of working in the scarlet devil mansion, which people fear and dont visit ? or rather used to... so she should have evolved along with it,, so that sadness also makes me even more attached to her in a way !!

i know shes not the most mistreated character in touhou or anything, far from it since shes a th6 girl and those get Everything and everyone sick of them but... idk !! id love to see more of her shine someday ouo

heres some sprite art i made of her

this character is a whisper in the wind. this character is a shadow in the wall of a cave. this character is the tree that falls with no one to hear. this character isnt real. this character is one of my favourites

like shes drenched, positively oozing with lore and content, and its all so utterly relevant and unique that i cant possibly talk about any of it because i cant be bothered to spoiler tag this,, but like,, reading between the lines of the fiction and uncovering lil things about her and what shes like was the most fun ive had during my dngnrnpa phase, to the point that,, here she is still !! at the tippy top !! and because of things youre intimately familiar with russell, you probably know shes probably gonna stay !! im very sentimental like that

and it wasnt even just lore either, her design kind of instantly drew me to her back when i was part of the original animes speculation circle and,, wow suddenly my sonas attire seems a little um,, familiar doesnt it : ...i promise i had other inspiations for ir too óuo;

heres some pixel art i made of her

finally this girl !! much like is the theme here, some lore to my meeting this one !!! this one predates even meiling, since i think i was 9 or 10,, see there was a broadcast channel here called animax, and its responsible for a lot of my taste even nowadays,, from the name you can guess it broadcast all sorts of dubbed anime all day long, most of which i absolutely should not have been watching at that age, like hellsing and gantz oops... well there was this other one which until like 4 years ago i only had the faintest recollection of,, i think there were demons in it or something,, mostly i remember being infatuated by the blonde girl

well 2018 comes around and the memory of this lady shoots straight into my brain in the middle of a call with you russell, which you might remember ! i describe to you what it looks like and tell you that i think a guy kills her and she has him help kill bad guys or else hell kill him right back ? and you, through intense googling, eventually are able to tell me it was called lunar legend tsukihime. woag ! lore unlocked

i wiki crawl for a while out of curiosity and find out that she has a fighting game that kinda rules, and that everyone hates the anime and you should read the visual novel instead and,, hey were making a visual novel at some point huh russell ? maybe i should study up on this tsukihime thing,, apparently its pretty influential,, and

obviously arcueid is ridiculously charming and fun, and every second with her is a mildly exciting, mildly creepy (fun way) delight, and its hard not to absolutely love her for that alone !! but also like,, much like the love for meiling started like a new phase in my life, arcueid did the same thing, in a very wonderful way ? a phase where were both really into this thing and talking about it so often and making so many new ideas about it together,, were playing higurashi currently and it feels like an extension of this, of her, and like,, its so special

i love what meeting arcueid again after 10 years did for me

heres some pixel art i made of her

and if you stuck with me for this long, heres a lil gift !! a lil happy ending for 13 year old me i suppose !!!

i found her after all ouo

[iniquity-fr]

shoutout to me hatching an xyx multigaze on new year’s, getting super excited and happy about it, and then still taking until may to bother gening the dang thing

[brelione]

Neverland (JJ Maybank X Reader)

Warnings:Mentions of death,suicide,depression,probably a lot of spelling errors,has the possibility of making you cry. :)

This is really bad because I have not slept in 28 hours and I was bored :)

You had said over and over again from the age of 8 that all you wanted to do was go to neverland.It was right after your parents died in a drowning accident that you had become so obsessed with the idea.Neverland was the perfect place where children who simply didnt belong in the real world went to feel wanted.Neverland was where you belonged.You used to pray to any god there was that someday Peter Pan would come to your window and take you away.It never happened though.When you became friends with the pogues at age 14 you felt a bit better.You had met JJ Maybank,the boy of pure chaos and crackhead energy.He was always doing something illegal or doing something he shouldnt be.He was many things and loyal,sweet and kind were some of them.He acted like a lost boy,not caring about the consequences to his actions and living in the moment.

You would sit together on John.B’s roof and complain about life.

“You ever wonder why we’re so fucked up?”You asked.He shrugged,laying down with his arms over his chest.You tucked your hair behind your ears,looking up at the sky and staring at the second star to the right. “Hey,JJ?”You asked.He hummed,watching you stare up at the sky with a sad expression.He had noticed things no one else had about you.How your eyes were always a little pink,the way your laugh was never completely genuine,the way you hid your emotions from everyone because you didnt want to overwhelm anyone.He had always gone out of his way to do nice things for you.He’d made you a bracelet with your name on it that you had worn everyday until the beads had faded and the letters were hardly there.You still wore it.

He remembered your favorite type of poptart and would steal you some when he went to a large supermarket.You had always told him not to steal from independent businesses and if he were to steal from anywhere to steal from a store that had multiple locations because it didnt matter if they lost $2.He tried to show affection,hugging you or attempting to hold your hand.You never accepted it,shrinking under his touch.He wanted you to feel loved and appreciated but no matter how he tried the message just wouldnt get through to you. “If I ever go missing,just know that I probably went to neverland.”You spoke quietly.He sat sat up,frowning. “What?”He asked.You sighed. “I dont like it here.I wanna leave.Im gonna leave eventually so when I do you’ll know where to find me.”You avoided his gaze,staring up at the star.

He scooted himself forward so he was next to you. “Why dont you like it here?”He asked.You sighed,looking at him. “I dont belong here,you know?Everything just feels wrong and I feel guilty all the time because I know I should be grateful that im alive and healthy but I just want to give up.I just fuck things up and I dont wanna do it anymore.”You mumbled,feet dangling off the edge of the roof.He went to grab your hand,sliding his warm large hand over your cold small one.You let him,your fingers curling around his hand. “You do belong here,though.You belong with the pogues and we all love you.You know we love you,right?”He asked.You shrugged. “I dont really belong with you guys.Kiara felt bad for me so she dragged me into this.You dont really love me,you’re just saying that to keep me here.”You looked up at him.

His pupils were large,lips open like he was trying to form words.He was concerned for you,having the urge to pull you away from the side of the roof.You just grinned. “Its okay to admit it,JJ.I know its true.”You smiled.He shook his head. “No.No its not.What am I gonna do when you’re in neverland?Who’s gonna stop me from stealing from independent businesses?”He asked.You just huffed. “Pope will.”You replied.He shook his head,gulping. “No,no.Pope doesnt care about that stuff like you do-you’re the only one who can stop me from stealing pop tarts.”He replied,voice squeaking a bit.You rubbed circles on his hand with your thumb. “Its okay,JJ.Everything is fine.”You spoke softly.He shook his head. “You’re really scaring me right now...please just stay here with me.Please.”He whispered.

You bit the inside of your cheek,taking your hand away from his.You hesitantly leaned forward,hugging him.Your body heat against him was calming.He was nervous to hug you back,not wanting you to pull away from him.He slowly raised his arms,pulling you closer to him. “Dont stress,JJ.Everything is okay.”You whispered.He sniffled. “I just want you to be happy...what will make you happy?”He asked,blinking away the tears.You ran your hand through his hair,your finger tips scratching his scalp lightly as you twirled your fingers. “Shhh...JJ,honey,you’ve got to calm down.”You whispered.He let out a small squeak,biting down on his lip as he rested his forehead against your shoulder. “Please dont leave...please.”He sobbed.The guilt ran through you,knowing you had caused JJ to be this upset with himself.You didnt say anything,you just continued to run your fingers through his hair.He felt his whole body heating up.His lips always got really hot and red when he cried,he didnt really know why.He moved,kissing your forehead lightly.The heat against your cool forehead made a shiver run down your spine. “JJ,look at me.”You whispered,lifting up his chin.He looked up at you,more tears falling from his eyes.He sniffled,staring into your eyes.

He leaned forward,kissing you lightly.You pulled away after a few moments,forehead still against his. “It’s three in the morning,if we want any energy tomorrow we should probably sleep.”You mumbled quietly.He frowned. “You’ll still be here when I wake up,right?”He asked.You nodded.He couldnt believe he was scared of you leaving to go to neverland.He didnt know if that was really what he was scared of though.In all honesty he was absolutely terrified you’d kill yourself or something.After that night JJ had always tried to stay close to you.He always wanted to be touching you in some way,holding your hand or having his arm around your waist.He stole you more poptarts,telling you where he’d gotten them from before you even asked.

He’d text you every morning when you two couldnt spend the day together and he’d call you at least three times a day.Everytime you didnt answer he’d feel his heart speed up anxiously.You’d always text him when you didnt answer,telling him that you were busy and that you’d call him later.Sometimes you didnt have the energy to answer his texts but he’d feel better seeing that you had at least read them.But one day you didnt answer his calls.He waited for a text from you to explain why you hadnt answered.He tried to convince himself that maybe you were in the shower or taking a nap or maybe out for a swim.He knew you werent.You’d always text him before you went out for a swim or took a shower.You always said the same thing. “Im hopping in the shower so dont get scared if I dont answer.Love you.”.He hadnt received that text yet.

He had bit his nails as he sat in the hammock. “Are you okay?You seem stressed.”Pope looked over at him.JJ gulped. “Im just scared about (Y/N).She’s not answering me and I dont know what to do.”He had explained.Kiara frowned. “Are you guys fighting?”She asked.JJ shook his head. “She hasnt read my texts and I checked when she was last active on instagram and it says three days ago.I dont wanna go to her house because I dont wanna seem clingy but she’s really starting to scare me.”He tapped his foot on the grass.Kiara nodded. “Maybe her phone is broken.”She shrugged.He shook his head. “I dont know.I have a bad feeling.”He frowned. “So lets take the boat and go check on her.”Pope sat up from the porch couch.John.B was at Sarah’s and he would understand why they were taking the boat.Pope drove,going through the water as fast as the boat allowed until they were at the dock in your backyard.

JJ hopped out,going to your back door and knocking on the wood.He tried calling again,hearing your phone ring from somewhere in the house.He reached over to the windowsill,moving the painted rock you kept there and grabbing the key.Kiara and Pope were close behind him,starting to become anxious as well.He turned the key in the door,opening it with such force that the door knob smacked against the side of your house.He walked in,calling your name.He approached your bathroom,his hands shaking as he reached for the door knob.He told himself he was being ridiculous,opening the door.He turned on the light,wincing and hoping that you werent there.You werent,but your phone was. “(Y/N)!”Kiara shouted,going into your bedroom.Your blankets and sheets were messy,pillows thrown around.The window was wide open,your dresser knocked over. “JJ!”She shouted.He sprinted through the house,catching himself on your door frame.His breath hitched in his throat.There was no way.

There was no fucking way that you had actually left.That wasnt possible.Peter Pan wasnt real.But robbers were.Maybe someone had broken into your window and kidnapped you.That theory didnt make sense either because nothing had been missing and you always kept your bedroom window locked.You promised you wouldnt leave him.Maybe you had been forced to leave.He had to figure it out.He had to have you back.

[watchedog]

BUT I WAS LATE FOR THIS, LATE FOR THAT,  LATE FOR THE LOVE OF MY LIFE AND WHEN I DIE ALONE,  WHEN I DIE ALONE —  I'LL BE ON TIME.

                GODS CAN LIVE FOREVER in the hearts and prayers of those who believe in them. Humans, however, are never afforded this luxury. They only live on through those who remember them, but their names get lost a couple generations down the line, and soon after they die they cease to exist. She was the last one of her family- mom, dad, brother, all gone, no one else left to remember their names, but it was a burden too heavy to carry, an ache too large for one heart. This is a grievance she would one day come to let down and never pick back up again.

                SHE HAD AN ISSUE WITH TIME. It seemed to never catch up to her, no matter how hard it tried- no matter how hard somedays she wanted it to. You look in the mirror one day and you’re 27 and the before you turn 28 you’re dead to the few people left who knew your name, but they don’t matter, you have no family left to grieve you. You look in the mirror 10 years later and you’re still 27, but there’s no light of youth behind your eyes and you feel a hundred years older even though you’re already dead. You look in the mirror again and now you are a hundred years old but you still look 27 and your body is the weight of a semitruck with all the grief you’ve caused others and you think, if only i didn't have so much time, i don't know what to do with it all, i don't want it.

                   I CANT GROW OLD WITH YOU. Something she doesn’t want to explain, one of many reasons she never settles down. She walking death trap, Death follows her like a scorned lover, if i cant have you no one can. She will only bring storms, there will be no sunny skies if you stay by her side. She will never grow old with you, we will never sit on the porch on a Sunday morning watching our family grow in front of our eyes, there will be no family, the will be no one to grow old with because she will never stay that long, it would never get that far. You will get older, lines around your eyes start to form and gray hair begins framing your face and she will look back at you, her face unchanged by the wear and tear of the passing years. But there will be no one to look at because she will not stay that long. she wont explain, why she cant love you, why she wont, why her heart will never belong to anyone  — there is no heart left, she knows better than to put herself through that, and no one has given her a reason to anyways.

                  SHE HOPED TO MEET DEATH SOME DAY. She had a bone to pick and because of it she wouldn’t be surprised that if she was lucky enough to die one day, it wouldn’t last very long. Perhaps once Death had her, it wouldn’t want her anymore. She knew others who had lived longer lives than her own, yet maybe it was the thought that she didn’t know how long she would continue on that haunted her more than anything. When it was late at night, and the sounds of the city dims just a little, and the dust settles down to sleep when she cannot, she thinks of the day she might die  — a something that she both hoped would come, as well as something that terrified her to her core. Was it possible to be so scared of something you so longed for? Perhaps, when you don’t know if it is something you will ever have. So you wait and the years pass by and you lose the friends you tried not to make because their lives move on and yours doesn’t. 

                     HER MEMORIED WERENT WHAT THEY WERE CRACKED UP TO BE. Sure recent ones were nearly eidetic, its the old ones that fade and crack the longer she searches for them. Her fathers face, her mothers voice, the name of her elementary school. She tried to think about them when she could afford it, maybe if they weren’t all lost maybe she wasn’t either  — and she hoped that was how it worked. Because it hurt, to push the limits of things nearly forgotten. Trying to recall names and dates that maybe didn't matter back then but they do now and what you wouldn't give to remember your childhood best friends birthday or your parents anniversary, and she thought : teach me how to remember things i thought i lost, things i thought i didn't need anymore because I was the one that was lost. 

                       SHE DOESNT DREAM OFTEN, but when she does it always ends the same way. She’s 10 years old, her family is whole for the last time but she doesn’t know it, and right now she doesn’t need to. She finishes her homework and her mothers voice is heard, distantly from the kitchen for her to come downstairs. Her eyes follow one foot follows the other down the hazy memory of the stairs leading directly to their small dining room. Slowly as her last foot falls flat off the final step she looks up and at the dinner table is her family, Bucky on the right, mom on the left, dad at the end seat. Her mothers hand lift, and reaches out for her, calling her home. Before she can reach it, she wakes every time.

[pinkykitten]

The Move

Stranger Things

Jim Hopper x black plus size! female reader

Warning: cursing

Specifics: fluff, comedy, romance, one-shot, plus size reader, poc reader, black reader, woc reader

People: jim hopper, mrs. and mr. sinclair, lucas sinclair, erica sinclair, flo

Words: 2,411

Requested: By @malasxlenguas (cannot tag) Hi! I'm hype you're puertorican, me too! I wanna request a Hopper x black plus size. Lucas's aunt that moved to Hawkins to be close to her famiky and Hopper saw her and he fell HARD and wanted to ask ber out but didn't know how to and one day he just blurted it out and reader yelled yes lol. Just fluff all over lol thank you!!

Authors Note: honestly i loved this frickin prompt it was so unique and i love delving deeper into the sinclair fam and having something based off of that like what a different prompt! this is really fluffy and just beautiful i love hopper so much and i dont know if i ever told you this but my mom loves hopper she finds him super sexy and she loves how thick he is and masculine yet sweet she even has his face on the netflix profile and my dad was like girl who da h*ll is this??? my dad is old schooled and doesnt watch modern shows. any who hope you guys like this!

“Why is she staying with us?” Lucas asked as he followed his mother around the dinner table as she was setting it up for their guest. 

“Because, she is starting her new life here. She starts working at the police station soon and she doesn’t have a house. She is your aunt for crying out loud, Lucas. And she is supporting all our cause by being the first thing people see as they enter the police station, a black woman. Remember that Lucas.” 

Lucas rolled his eyes as he gave a groan. “But mom its weird being with her.”

“Aw why is that? You used to love being with her when you were younger. What happened?” Mrs. Sinclair shook her head as she changed the napkins out for another color. 

“I used to but every time I walk with her all these guys stare at her. They’re like undressing her with their eyes. Its disgusting mom.”

“Well baby that ain’t your aunt’s fault. Those are all those nasty men that can’t control when they see such a beautiful lady. Plus remember your aunt is on the bigger side and she has got her curves.” Mrs. Sinclair started to shake her butt as Lucas made a disgusted face. 

“That’s the thing. She walks around, people look at us and then the attention is on us like I just want to go to the mall but no can’t go there either without the stares.” Lucas felt like even saying these things his mother was not going to change her mind. 

“Lucas Sinclair I expect you to be nice and kind to your aunt. She loves you a whole lot and watch soon she’ll be out of here and who knows maybe you’ll miss her.”

The door knocked and Mrs. Sinclair took her apron off excitedly and sprinted to the door. “Who is it?” She bit her lip.

“Who do you think crazy? Its your d*mn sister!” You joked. 

Mrs. Sinclair opened up and you and her gave a loving embrace. “I missed my baby sister.”

“I missed you too. Your house is always beautiful. And you? Look at you girl you are gorgeous!” You spun your older sister around. “You sure you had two kids?”

“Hello there y/n,” Mr. Sinclair came down the stairs, smiling. He gave you a handshake. 

“Excuse me, we family. We hug,” you brought him into a tight hug. “Now where are the children? Kids!”

Erica screamed as she ran to you and jumped in your arms. You picked her up and spun her around. “Oh my God! I can’t believe you’re here! You can totally sleep in my room if you want!”

“Idiot she already got a room. She’s sleeping in the guest room.” Lucas said.

You raised your brow as Erica plopped down onto the ground and raised a finger in front of Lucas’s face, “excuse me! I didn’t know I was talking to you fool.”

“Hey both of y’all stop it!” You smacked them both in the head. “I am sleeping in the guest room but since I’m gonna be staying here for a while I can always have sleepovers with you Erica. Now Lucas where’s my hug?”

Lucas sighed as he gave you a hug. 

“There we go. Now, I got you something.” You wipped out behind your back a game that Lucas wanted really bad. 

Lucas squealed as he took hold of the precious item. 

“Now you better share with your sister. Any who I feel way better now but I’ma need y’all’s help with the truck. I know I couldn’t keep everything so I just kept some stuff.” You said as you led them outside to the moving truck. “You guys got all your arms and you all are healthy then you all can help.”

“Of course we are all going to help. Right kids?” Mrs. Sinclair asked, giving Lucas a glare. 

“Yeah of course,” Lucas said. 

Everyone started to help you unloading all your boxes and items. You felt a little homesick having to leave your life back out of town. You had to leave your apartment, friends your whole life. You told your sister that you had to leave because you wanted the job here along with it was closer to the family but in reality where you worked they fired you and no other place would hire you. It made you feel depressed and like you weren’t good enough. People got one look at your size and color and that was it, they saw you as not good enough. But you tried to see your situation half full and realize that you were with family and they were going to help you through this. 

You picked up a heavy box and because it had been raining earlier and was such a gloomy day you slipped on the side of the road with a squeal. Good thing you didn’t hurt yourself but you dropped all your items that were in the box. “Oh sh*t!” You grumbled picking each little thing up. 

You heard a car drive beside you and the car door close. You looked up to see a cop. You hastily stood up and wiped your sweaty palms on your jeans to get your wallet out. “Sorry I just slipped and I was trying to pick this up in time.” You finally looked up at him and he was very tall. 

The man gulped as he saw your beauty. The sun had just peeked through the clouds and landed on your beautiful skin making it shine. Your eyes captivated him and he felt speechless. 

“Are you okay?” You asked, waving your hand to him. 

“Yeah sorry. And don’t worry about this mess. I actually saw you slip that’s why I came here to offer my help.” The man bent down and helped pick up each little thing. “So are you new? Cause I’ve never seen you here before?”

“Yeah I just moved in here obviously today.” You chuckle. “I’m y/n l/n. My sister is married to Mr. Sinclair.”

“Oh so you’re the aunt of Lucas.”

“I’m afraid as to why a cop knows and remembers Lucas.” 

“He was just involved a little bit with a missing case we had. A few years back one of his friends went missing.”

“Oh I remember my sister telling me that. I heard you guys found him. That’s awesome saving peoples lives like that.”

“Well it is my job.” The man smiled. “I haven’t introduced myself I’m Chief Hopper, Jim Hopper.” He gave his hand out and you shook it. 

“Oh I know you! I think we spoke on the phone. I’m gonna work at the police station tomorrow at one of the desks I think y’all said next to Flo?”

“Yeah our secretary.” Hopper wanted to start dancing right there and then. He was excited to have someone like you in the police station. He wanted to get closer to you, know your story. He thought you were extremely beautiful and very kind. “So do you have kids? Maybe a husband?”

“No and no. My kids are Lucas and Erica but I would love to have my own kids someday just gotta find the right man.” She picked up the box but almost fell again with how heavy it was. 

“Here let me help you with that.” Hopper picked up the box. It was attractive. He was tall and very manly but a sweetheart. He was like a big teddy bear. 

Hopper walked in the Sinclair’s house, greeting them all. 

“What are you doing here?” Lucas asked. 

“I was in the neighborhood and saw your aunt slipped and helped her out.”

“So you were gawking at my aunt huh?”

“What? No kid I was-”

Lucas shook his head, “say no more say no more. Every man does it, you are not the first and frankly you are not gonna be the last.”

Hopper was weirded out by Lucas but walked up stairs to your room. 

“Sorry about the mess.”

“Don’t worry about it. You just moved in you should of seen my cabin when I put all my stuff in there. It was packed.”

“Really? Well I appreciate your help. So what about you Jim Hopper, do you have a wife and kids?”

“Kid yes wife no.”

“Oh really? Boy or girl?”

“Girl, her names Jane.”

You grinned, “how sweet. Well she has a good daddy. She should be really proud of you, especially how you found that kid.”

“Well it wasn’t just me who found Will. I had help but I’m more proud of her.” Hopper smiled just thinking about Eleven. “I was thinking if you’re free tomorrow night how about me and you go,” Hopper was going to say a date but he chickened out. “Go, go on a how about you stay and help me organize my desk?”

You were hoping he was going to ask you on a date. Feeling disappointed you nodded, “yeah I will. Thanks.”

“Well its getting late. I’m going to go home, you have a good night.”

“You too Hopper,” you said as he left and you felt self conscious. Maybe he wasn’t with you because you didn’t look like the other women. You were thick, chunky, plus size and black. Maybe he didn’t find you attractive. 

As Hopper walked out of the house he felt like hitting himself. He wasted an opportunity because he was sacred. “I’m such a da*n idiot.”

It was your first day of work and you were nervous. Rubbing your hands on your floral dress you realized they were drenched in sweat. You had your lunchbox tight beside you as you walked inside. 

There were only a few people there so it was not an overwhelming setting. 

“Hello. You must be Flo,” you gave Flo, the secretary a hand shake. 

“Yes, yes I am. And you must be y/n. Nice to meet you sweetheart. There are some papers on your desk that need some checking, think you can do it?”

“Of course yes.” As you sat down in your desk you caught Chief Hopper staring at you. You thought maybe he was worried you wouldn’t do your job right. The other police men there gawked at you. Hopper came out of his office to go for some donuts by the coffee machine. 

“Hello y/n.”

“Hi there Chief.” You went to the copy machine and noticed it was down. “Does this copy machine work?”

“Its just broke down all of a sudden but there’s one in Hopper’s office.” Flo said. 

You became more nervous! Going into the Chief’s office was no joke. It was his personal space. 

“Alright,” you stated quietly. “Chief, may I go copy these papers?”

“Of course, sure.” He took a sip of his just brewed coffee. 

As you walked inside it smelled of cigarettes and faint cologne. 

“Its right there in the corner.” Hopper sat down in his chair and lit up another one of his cigarettes. 

The copy machine was stuck between two cabinets there was a small gap between the two. Noticing the papers had a staple on them you tried taking the staple out carefully, without damaging the paper. Unfortunately all the papers fell in that little gap. You bent down and kneeling in that small gap to pick the papers up. The problem was you became stuck. Your butt was too big! 

You tried not making a scene or noticeable. It was embarrassing to get your butt stuck between a copy machine and cabinets, especially in Chief’s office. You tugged and tugged but it was no use. Your grunts were heard and Chief looked in your direction only to be greeted by your a*s. 

“You okay there?” He put his cigarette down and walked to you. 

“Yeah just fine,” you again pushed and budged but nothing. “Actually no, I’m stuck.”

“Oh really?” Hopper breathed harshly as his eyes couldn’t help but land on your butt. To be honest you were the perfect woman for him. He loved women who were big and luscious. He bit his fist to stop him from drooling. “Da*n.”

“I’m sorry to ask you this but can you help me?”

Hopper chuckled a bit,” sure thing sweetheart.” He grabbed a hold of your chub and honestly in different circumstances his hands on your most insecure part would bother you but you were tired of being stuck and you had work to do. 

“This is not how I would imagine my first day would go.”

“How did you even get stuck in here?” Hopper tried to pull you out. 

“Well I tried to take a staple out of the paper but then all the papers fell on the floor and I tried to pick them up but I got my mama’s body and there is a whole lotta junk in the trunk.” It made you feel awkward to have his fingers gripping your flesh. It almost felt sexual in a way and you were bashful about it. His strong fingers held you in a way you wish it were more. 

“I think I almost got you.”

You felt yourself getting looser and looser as you finally popped out. You fell back onto Hopper as he fell on his back and you landed on your stomach on top of his chest. Your faces only a few inches apart. 

“Oh my God. I am so sorry for all of this,” you pointed your finger to yourself. 

“No don’t be sorry. You’re beautiful. I actually like my women thick,” he growled, trailing his hands from your waist to your butt. 

“Really? I assumed you thought I was ugly.”

“What? Who told you that?”

“Nobody but usually everyone does. That’s actually the reason I came over here,” you leaned on your elbow above him. Your face being cascaded with the morning light. “I was fired from my previous job and nobody wanted to hire me. You guys were the only ones to give me a chance.”

Hopper touched your cheek as you melted into it, “I thought about you all night. Do you want to go on a date with me-”

“YES!” You blurted out quickly and loud.

Hopper giggled and he kissed your sweet lips. You two laughed at the silly position and leaned your forehead against his. 

“I’ll take you later tonight, deal?”

You kissed Hopper again and in a way was very thankful you got fired and that you moved. “Deal.”

Tag list: @harrington-lover​, @angelgl16​, @perfectlybeautifulsuit​, @hyehoney​, @haven-prelude (wont let me tag), @leasly​, @totally-alexa21​, @creamy-pasta-boi​, @multireese​, @fanfictionrecommendations-com​, @prentisskelley​, @malereaderforkpop (wont let me tag), @guardian-of-cookies, @justafangirl-97​, @teenageshitposts (wont let me tag), @dippergravity (wont let me tag), @some-booty, @fromfoolishpeopletodeadpeople​, @collectiveyou​, @wtfisalltherandoms​, @dirbel​, @eastcoasthaven​, @fangirl-4-life415 (wont let me tag), @idontknowwhattocallthisworld (wont let me tag)

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[yoon-kooks]

Witch Hazel- Pt.4

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader

Genre: FanficWriter!Jungkook, Idol!Reader, College!AU, Angst, Fluff

Summary: There are two students in your art class with a secret: you and the quiet Jeon Jungkook. You’re a problematic idol singer, infamous for your ice cold reputation and perpetual resting bitch face; he’s the artist and author behind the viral comic series based on a certain ice queen idol. After a blowup of destructive rumors, lost motivation and inevitable solitude, you stumble upon Jungkook’s comic and find a new and unexpected light.

Word Count: 3.5k

Warnings: none

Parts: 1 // 2 // 3 // 4 // 5 // 6 // ?

A/N: my hope is that the idol industry can one day become a safer place for those who have dedicated their lives to making others happy ❤️

-

“Let me guess, you’re the type who needs to feel needed but also pushes people away?”

“How would you know that, Bunny Boy?”

“It’s my power.”

“You have powers too?” Snow blinks her pretty blue eyes. “Can you read minds?”

“I certainly can’t read minds,” Bunny Boy laughs. “But I am pretty good at reading hearts.”

“Oh yeah? What’s my heart feeling right now?”

“Well for starters, you seem to be annoyed by me prying too deep.”

“You are annoying.”

“And you also think I’m kinda cute.”

“I do not!”

You giggle into your phone screen for the hundredth time as you read through the latest Witch Hazel update. With the reveal of another character with secret powers, you wonder what Snow will make out of him. A friend? An ally? Or perhaps just someone who gets her.

Beneath the last comic panel of Snow rolling her eyes at the unofficially named Bunny Boy, you find cute little comments from the author.

“all i hope is for snow to take care of herself during this hiatus”

“even if it’s only a tiny amount, maybe witch hazel can help supplement as new snow content for now;;;;;;”

“ah i didnt mean to sound as if i were anywhere near snow’s level or anything;;;;;;”

“i just hope she knows she doesnt have to carry any burden all on her own”

“she has people on her side”

Your face doesn’t know whether to smile or shed tears, so you do a combination of both. It’s true, you’ve always felt alone. Always. No matter how many staff members it takes to produce an album or how many fans buy that album, you’ve never once felt that people could look beyond your idol music, your icy eyes, your mask.

But that’s exactly why you’re taking a break. You need to separate your worth from the music attached to your name. You need to prove to yourself that you’re more than what the critics and magazines say. And you’re only realizing it now that you can’t do it alone.

If only you had your own jk.seagull in your life. You’re sure the two of you would mesh well together.

-

“Where is that kid?” Taehyung pats the empty seat next to him before class starts. “He never skips class. I remember one time he literally rejected a date with a super cute girl because he ‘had to get to class’. Can you believe that?”

“Knowing Jungkook, I’d believe it,” you shrug. It does feel oddly empty without his presence, though.

“Oh really? You know all there is to know about the mysterious phenomenon that is Jeon Jungkook? It sounds like you guys got real acquainted on that date the other day.”

“It wasn’t a date, Taehyung. It was a meeting for a group project that you didn’t show up to.”

“Well it all evens out since Jungkook didn't show up today. Who knows, maybe you won’t show up tomorrow.”

“I’m sure he has a good reason for being absent. Unlike you.” You have to admit, it does worry you a little. Especially after the hints of doubt Jungkook expressed about his own beautiful art. You wish he knew how amazing of an artist he really is.

“What are you talking about? My reason was valid.”

“Having your cock sucked for five hours straight is not a valid reason, by the way.” You roll your eyes. “Let me guess, today you have a threesome scheduled after class and dinner date at 5?”

“Ouch, you don’t have to be so harsh, Y/N.” Taehyung pretends to be offended, but he doesn’t deny your comment either. “You’re really his type, you know.”

“I’m whose type?”

“Jungkook’s.”

“Where is this coming from all of a sudden?”

“I’ve said this before, but you’re a lot like Snow.”

“How?”

“In how you present yourself,” Taehyung says. “You and her both come across as cold and heartless, but somehow I don’t buy it.” He doesn’t buy what? That you’re just as much of a bitch on the inside too? Ha.

“Jungkook must have weird taste then,” you shrug. Because in your opinion, you’re not exactly an easy person to love.

“But-” Taehyung is cut off by the professor starting class. You don’t know what more he could’ve said to make you change your mind anyway.

“There won’t be any lecture for today’s class.” Your professor is busy typing away at her computer, perhaps trying to get caught up on paperwork and grading old assignments. “Instead, I want you all to take this time to work on your group projects. You may leave the classroom if you must, but remember to stay on task!”

With that, your classmates jam out of the room as if they were just freed from prison. You hear a couple of friends deciding which boba place to try out. Another group, the overachievers of the class, head somewhere outside to actually work on the project. Taehyung, too, looks as if there’s somewhere else he needs to be.

“So I-”

“Go ahead and get laid,” you sigh, shooing the boy away with your hand. “We’ll work next time when all three of us are here.”

“Thanks, Y/N! You get me,” Taehyung waves bye before dashing off.

You wave back as the hall clears out around you. It seems everyone else has found somewhere to go. Everyone except you.

But it’s fine. You’re fine.

Buzz! You jump at the sudden phone notification that seems to echo off the walls of the empty hall. Oh look, it’s a text from your only friend.

10:32AM jinnie❤️ “good morning ^O^// just checking in on you”

10:33AM jinnie❤️ “how are you holding up with everything?”

“I’m fine!” you mumble rather aggressively to yourself, sliding your ass down onto the filthy hallway floor before texting back. Your chunky guitar case sits in your lap like a baby so it doesn’t get dirty.

10:34AM Y/N “i miss seeing you at work everyday :((((”

10:34AM Y/N “lololololol jk”

10:35AM Y/N “fuck work, am i right”

10:36AM jinnie❤️ “Y/N”

10:37AM Y/N “😒”

10:37AM Y/N “im fine”

10:38AM jinnie❤️ “thats exactly what people say when theyre not fine”

But you are fine. You’re completely fine with sitting all alone in an empty hallway, texting your only friend who also happens to be your manager.

10:39AM jinnie❤️ “what are you doing now?”

You pick up your guitar and start walking away. Obviously, you can’t tell him what you were actually doing because it would worry him too much. But you can’t lie to him either.

10:41AM Y/N “if you really must know”

You wait until you arrive at your new location before answering Seokjin’s million-dollar question. You’ve found your place.

10:45AM Y/N “im practicing in the music room before my theory class starts”

He sends you the Surprised Pikachu meme but also a few supportive comments.

10:46AM jinnie❤️ “good luck!”

10:46AM jinnie❤️ “and if you ever need something, please reach out to me!”

10:47AM jinnie❤️ “ill be checking in on you every now and then, but please enjoy your time off~”

10:48AM Y/N “thank you seokjin”

With your manager off your back, you settle into the empty music classroom and pull your trusty guitar out of its case. The flat and out of tune strings remind you of how long it’s been since the last time you touched the guitar. Because despite carrying it around wherever you go, it’s all for show.

In all honesty, you’re too afraid to let others hear, and yet, part of you wants them to know. You want them to know you’re an artist in your own right—without the judgment. But that’s asking for too much from this cruel world. Especially when you know you aren’t there yet.

One by one, you turn the pegs on your guitar, fine tuning each string by ear. That’s always been your secret talent, and maybe that’s how you’ve never been off-key since the moment you said your first words. If there was one thing you had going for you as an idol, it was that.

Once all the strings are tuned, you just sit there, staring at your fingers curved naturally in the C chord position. The muscle memory is still very much ingrained in you, but so are the scars. The last time you actually held your guitar, you were told you weren’t good enough. So you ended up settling for something else.

Today, however, you want to change that. You shouldn’t let several people’s opinions determine what you can or can’t amount to just because they were the professionals of the industry who supposedly “knew” what they were doing. They didn’t know you then, and they certainly don’t know you now. They don’t even know your real name.

But that’s okay. Having a secret identity makes you feel as though you can someday become a true superhero, someone who makes the world a better place from behind the scenes. In that sense, you want to be someone like your current favorite person on the internet, jk.seagull. You don’t know him, nor do you know his real name.

All you know is that his craft makes you happy.

With the funny fanfic boy in mind, you glance up to make sure the coast is clear before taking your first strum. Despite the dullness of your old worn-out strings, what your ears hear is crisp and bright.

-

You aren’t sure how much time has passed since you began singing along to a melody only you know, but you’re suddenly pulled back into reality with a single mention of her from outside the classroom.

“What do you think about the Snow news?”

“It’s honestly sad.”

“With how little she contributes to her music, I really don’t think she deserves a break.”

“She should just keep going. How hard is it to sing a few songs? I hope she knows she’s letting a lot of people down just so she could relax.”

“Or better yet, she should just retire early.”

You set down your guitar on the piano bench. You’ve heard quite enough and you’re ready to slam the door on the noisy group passing by. But by the time you peek your head out from the crack, the group is already at the other end of the hall. You do, however, find a surprise sitting right outside the music room.

The boy who was supposedly too sick to come to class is too busy sketching away to notice you staring at him.

“How long have you been sitting out here?”

The tiny hairs on the back of the boy’s neck stand up as his drawing hand freezes at the sound of your voice. He turns around, looking up at you as if he’d been caught doing something he shouldn’t have been doing.

“Since I started sketching.” Jungkook shows you a simple yet pretty drawing of a flowery spring field. By his art standards, it couldn’t have taken him long to draw that one page.

But it isn’t until you start flipping through the rest of the pages in the sketchbook that you realize he’d been sitting there for quite a while. Each page is similar to the last with only slight differences in between. When you fly through the pages like a flipbook, you see the whole picture.

From the first sketch of spring flowers, snow slowly covers the field until only a single flower remains in a winter wonderland. If you go in reverse, you can watch as the snow melts away until that one flower disappears amongst its brethren.

“What kind of flower is that?” You point to the one that somehow managed to blossom through the thickness of the snow. Maybe if it were colored in, you’d have a better idea.

“A strong one?” Jungkook shrugs as if he’s not the artist who knows the the answer. You hate yourself for cackling along at his lousy joke. He closes his sketchbook as a way to change the subject. “Why aren’t you in class?”

“Funny you should ask. The professor dismissed our class to work on the group projects. And then Tae ditched to go do his usual skirt-chasing shenanigans because somebody in our group didn’t show up.”

“Sorry,” the boy bites his lower lip with a hint of regret. “I didn’t really feel well enough to sit in class today.”

“Then why didn’t you just stay at home?”

“I still had this project to turn in and finish for my other class.” He raises his sketchbook. “And besides, music is the best medicine.”

You feel your cheeks burning up. The last person you expected to catch you messing around with your guitar in the music department was the art student who was supposed to be out sick. “How much did you hear…?”

“All I heard was one song…” He assures you for a slight second before going in for the kill, “…that you kept replaying over and over and over-”

“I get it. You heard a lot,” you hiss. “You better not tell anyone! Not even Tae.”

“I won’t,” he promises, chuckling at your distress. It seems the kid’s gotten comfortable enough around you to start clowning you. “It’s a nice song, by the way.”

“Really?” You want to believe him, but you have a hard time doing so. When all you’ve heard was brutal criticism for the past few years, it’s difficult to accept any compliment without feeling like there’s ill intent behind it. It feels wrong to feel good about yourself.

Besides, maybe he’s just complimenting you out of obligation. Like he’s trying to be nice, even if he doesn’t actually feel that way about your song.

“I’ll burden the pain so you don’t have to,” he says.

“What?”

“That’s a line from the lyrics, right?”

You nod.

“It’s a very Y/N thing to say.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Jungkook shrugs and swirls his Sailor Venus keychain around his index finger. “Just take it as a compliment, Y/N.”

If not for his soft teasing smile, your mind would still be filled with doubt. Instead, you accept the compliment and gain a tiny bit of confidence back.

“Come in for a second,” you start walking back inside the music room. “And close the door behind you.”

Jungkook does as he’s told, his eyes glued to your guitar as you pick it up off the piano bench. There, you do something you’ve never practiced but had always hoped to perform as Snow—your own acoustic version of one of your songs.

It doesn’t matter that you’ve never practiced or touched your guitar in years. You know the key, the chords, the strum pattern. And you know how to make it your own. Not Snow’s or anyone else’s.

When you’re done with your mini acoustic performance, the boy can’t help but chuckle. He’s about to clown you again. You can feel it.

“What??”

“It’s nothing.”

“Jungkook.”

“It’s seems like you don’t hate Snow as much as you lead on.”

“I was only trying to show how I would’ve done the song if I were her.”

“Ah, so you criticize Snow so much because you think you can do better?”

“Not necessarily better… just differently.” You hope that answer is enough to satisfy the boy. But it’s not. He only nods with an awfully suspicious smirk. “What now??”

“It’s cool that you want to be a songwriter.”

“I never said that I did,” you say with a slight pout and hmph. You’ve never once mentioned your true dreams to anyone besides maybe some random kid at camp when you were ten. You’d hate to announce your bold aspirations with the utmost confidence, only to flop and fail before achieving anything. You’d rather keep it a secret until you perhaps “pop-off” as the kids say.

“Sure.” He doesn’t believe you.

“Are you always this sassy when you’re sick?”

His long locks flow as he shakes his head. “I’m feeling better now, actually. Thanks to your medicine.”

Maybe the kid was faking his sickness all along. Then again, Taehyung did say Jungkook wasn’t the type to skip class under most circumstances. Perhaps there was something else that was bothering him.

“Wait, you weren’t upset about Snow’s hiatus, right?” You remember the gossip from the noisy group that had passed by earlier. The beating you took from their words still stings.

“To be honest, I was worried about her at first with everything that went on,” Jungkook says. “But I think she probably just needed some time away from all that.”

“Probably,” is all you say, doing your best to downplay the amount of relief his words gave you. He isn’t upset or let down; he just wishes the best for your well-being. And as an idol, that’s all you’ve ever asked for. “You know, you’re the nicest Snow fan I’ve ever met.”

“You know a lot of other Snow fans?” Jungkook tilts his head at your odd statement. Oh right. You’ve only really met other fans as Snow, not as Y/N. Now you sound suspicious.

“Oh yeah, for sure. My friend, Seokjin, reads Snow smut all the time,” you force out a laugh while making a mental apology to your manager. Then you decide it’s best to change the subject before you blow your cover. “Speaking of fanfiction, I need your opinion on Witch Hazel!”

“What about it?”

“The new bunny character.” You whip out your phone for direct reference of the comic. “He’s funny, right?”

“He’s good at teasing Snow,” Jungkook looks at your phone screen of the bunny saying that Snow thinks he’s cute. “I wonder if he’ll make her fall for him.”

“I want him to.” Your eyes light up without knowing. To have Snow fall in love is wishful thinking, but a large part of you craves romance deep down—even if it’s only for the fictional version of yourself. “But at the same time, he’s not Snow’s type.”

“What’s Snow’s type?”

“Huh?” You somehow managed to fuck up again, so you shrink yourself and hope to disappear. “I don’t know… Why would I know what Snow’s type is…? It’s probably not a playboy like the bunny, but I wouldn’t know that…!”

“So you think she’d like someone more… considerate?”

You nod. “Probably just someone who takes the time to get to know her.”

“I guess we’ll see in the upcoming chapters.”

“I’m looking forward to it.” You can’t quite hold back a smile. After all, your day always feels a lot better when it involves your favorite little comic.

Jungkook must’ve noticed your face because he makes a comment. “I am curious, though, as to why you like Witch Hazel so much when you clearly don’t care for Snow herself.”

“For me, it has nothing to do with Snow.” To mask your smile, you make a cute duck face instead. “Reading it just… makes me happy.” As much as you’d hate to admit it, it’s been a long time since anything has given you good vibes the way that one comic does.

“That’s good,” the boy says, gathering his things to head to his next class. “It’s the same for me with Snow’s music… in case you were wondering.” And with that, he leaves you with something to think about.

If Snow’s music is Jungkook’s medicine, Witch Hazel is yours.

-

By the time you get home from school, you’re still smiling like an idiot after what Jungkook had said. Snow’s music makes him happy, and the mere thought of that makes you happy. It’s in (very rare) times like this that you remember why you chose to become an idol in the first place. It’s why you endure the pain.

With your mind clouded in an unfamiliar wave of emotion, you pull out your phone and tap on Jungkook’s contact information. After changing his contact name to something cuter, you start composing a casual message just to say hi.

Jungkook. What if I told you a secret?

Delete. You’ve never deleted a message so quick. You don’t even know which secret you would’ve told the boy. That you’re his crush, Snow? Or that he’s yours? Not that you have a huge crush on him… You swear it’s just a tiny one!

Regardless, you shouldn’t be sharing any of your deepest secrets with him—at least not for now. It’s not that you don’t trust him. It’s just that it’s a tricky situation to be in.

Your eyes move from your guitar, to the stacks of handwritten sheet music beside it, to the album that won you your first award—where the pain all began. Even the most supportive fan could not imagine what you’ve given up to be the idol that you are, to be someone with a name.

The only thing you can do now is take it all back. And only then will you let Jungkook in. But until that time comes, you don’t belong to him or anyone else.

4:44PM Snow “Are you free to talk?”

4:46PM Jimin “Yeah”

[insertdisc5]

homestuck epilogues stuff

thoughts about the homestuck epilogues, as in, spoilers and theories and things ive noticed by reading it over twice and talking with friend @kravicle while they were reading

this is just a list of theories me and krav came up with ok. also stuff u might not pick up in only one read? we’re just spitballing here 

MEAT AND CANDY TEREZI ARE PROBABLY ONE AND THE SAME

> just didnt see proof they weren't the same lmao, we only get john+terezi's messages from both timelines and she could have gotten messages from both meat!john and candy!john

>time is fucked on her end also so (shrugs)

>(terezi meeting meat!john) "something else is different about him. different, somehow, from how she thought he’d be when she imagined they’d next meet. under all the gore, he smells... too fresh."

>TEREZI: HMMM

TEREZI: YOU SM3LL OLD3R

TEREZI: BUT NOT 4S OLD 4S 1 THOUGHT YOUD B3

JOHN: what does that mean?

TEREZI: DONT WORRY 4BOUT 1T

>"In multiple realities, all [John] wanted for her was this. To be home safe, with all their friends. And now that she’s here, she’s lost."

> (meeting Meat!roxy) "Terezi’s head is filled with stories about a different version of Roxy—the polar opposite of the one standing in front of her."

DIRK’S PLAN PART 1 (free will)

>maybe plans to get Actual Free Will thru ultimate godhood??? also explains why he feels okay with removing free will from his friends- for him, this isnt real free will anyway?

>(dirk talking about kanaya) "What WAS she thinking? What are any of us thinking, really? Who’s doing the thinking, and who’s having the thoughts?

The more you study the question, the more it seems all concrete forms of accountability go up in smoke. Her original thoughts were never that important, and the significance of the idea that she was the one authoring them was always a bit overrated. My mission is to someday clear this all up for everyone. Remove the ambiguity, suck the mud out of the water. It’ll be a lot better that way, trust me."

>to old callie, dirk's plan "[john’s] ultimate sacrifice was made to put the missing keystone in place and avert the supreme dissipation of all that shall be considered to hold truth, relevance, and essentiality."

>although narrator callie thinks this world has some sort of actual free will. says "[john should kiss terezi etc]. it’s wrong to contradict one’s true thoughts and feelings. irrational. unbecoming of an existence governed by free will."

>his plan to give everyone/ultimate gods “free will” will end up destroying canon????

DIRK’S PLAN PART 2 (complacency of the learned, ultimate self)

>complacency of the learned, 12 people attaining ultimate knowledge (=ultimate self), and turning "either insane or evil"

> (candy ending, rose’s POV) "The thoughts in her powerful brain race. What will they name the planet? How long will it take for the ship to arrive? Once the new race has established an advanced enough civilization thousands of years from now, who will the lucky kids be? The ones who get the chance to play what will arguably be the most important session in the history of Sburb?" 

>finding more people to attain ultimate godhood???

>dirk asks terezi to come with him and rose at the end of meat, along with john's body (implied that she did accept-callie!jade points and dave thinks she points both to dirk+rose and john+terezi, callie doesnt prove him otherwise)

>dirk wants 12 ultimate gods for each aspect????

>"If your perception expands beyond the meat sack of your body, then are you really an individual anymore? Why shouldn’t we become gods? Why shouldn’t we become one God."

- (callie speaking) "[John] is simply being barred from ignoring his true thoughts. even without the aid of a juju, he is fortunate enough to be blessed with the only true form of divinity. to be released from the prison of nonsensical inhibitions which so often psychologically hobble the more primitive forms of life."

>callie is probably an ultimate god, terezi should be?? with rem8mb8r?

DIRK’S NARRATOR STUFF

>dirk probably doesnt know hes in a story/that he has an audience (us) "How can I respect a fucking pronoun when nobody can even hear me?”

>does dirk control people by using you-ness? using 2nd person to control, 3rd person to narrate?

>”JADE: and where there is an identity, there can also be an agenda.”

CANDY TIMELINE STUFF

>part of the black hole, a utopia, place removed from reality/canon in some way??? WEIRDO DREAM BUBBLE????

>cut off from canon in some way- dirk and rose cant get to ultimate godhood anymore, john cant use retcon powers

>candy!john mentions multiple times he doesnt think of him and his friends as "real"

>sky in candy!timeline described as more vibrant (VS pre-sburb being described as muted)

>candy!karkat talking to sollux and probably being foreshadowing without knowing: “KARKAT: I THOUGHT THAT YOU TWO LITERALLY DIDN’T EXIST ANYMORE! KARKAT: OR AT THE VERY LEAST WERE TRAPPED IN A DEAD UNIVERSE PERPETUALLY COLLAPSING INTO ITS OWN ASSHOLE.”

>CALLIOPE: we’re all going to be very, very happy. I trUly believe that. ^u^ 

>ROSE: Oh Kanaya, you’re right.

ROSE: We are going to be so astonishingly happy!

>ROXY: omg

ROXY: were gonna be SO freakin happy!

>Dirk in Meat: "Cherubs are fuckin’ weird, I’ll totally concede. Still not sure what makes them tick. What they idealize, what they really want. It all comes across to me as a little cloying. Perfection to them is a sweetness beyond comprehension. Sugar so potent it’s poison to us. To our bodies, to our souls. Like the place she was operating from was a realm of self-construction. A bubble of pure, phantasmal confection."

>end of meat!callie can see into candy!timeline ROXY: they stay home all day with the blinds drawn paintin some weird ass shit on the walls

TEREZI: WH4T?

ROXY: its not as bad as it sounds i promise

ROXY: some of it is like

ROXY: weird and violent??

ROXY: like lotsa nasty purple blood and um

ROXY: nudity????

TEREZI: >:?

ROXY: yeah yikes

ROXY: but MOST of it is cute stuff like... various combos of all of us being happy and gettin married and shit

>obama’s here. god i need a minute

>dirk told gamzee something??? 

“DAVE: wheres dirk

GAMZEE: tHeRe’S nO nEeD tO wOrRy AbOuT hIm. :o)

GAMZEE: YoU’rE gOnNa GeT wHaT’s BeSt FoR yOu. He ToLd Me ThAt, AnD i’M gOnNa MaKe SuRe HiS wIsH mAkEs LiKe A mOtHeRfUcKiNg MiRaClE aNd GeTs TrUe.

[...]

GAMZEE: YoU dOn’T gOt AnY nEeD tO gO aNd CoNcErN yOuRsElF wItH hIs MoRtAl FlEsH bOdY oUt HeRe In ThIs CaNdYcAnE wHiRlPoOl BeYoNd ThE iNfInItE bLaCk WiNk Of ThE wIcKeD sInGuLaRiTy, My NiNjA.

GAMZEE: a SaCk Of MeAt AnD bOnEs In OnE lIfE oR tHe NeXt Is OnLy A mEaNs To ThE fInAl ToTaLiTy ThAt WiLl DaMn AnD rAiSe Us AlL iN bRiLlIaNt ApOtHeOsIs.

GAMZEE: In ThE oNe TrUe LiFe We AlL fLoW fRoM tHe OnE tRuE pEn,

GAMZEE: aNd EvErY hEaD rOlLs DoWn ThE pAtH tO tHe OnE tRuE hAnD.”

> dirk before killing himself:  “ It is the very last moment of narratively consequential action that will happen in this whole, barren world. “

OTHER STUFF

> dirk teaching men about "combat, philosophy, life, love." (jake, dave, obama, not said explicitly but also probably gamzee????) what is UP with that

>gamzee also wanting to teach kid tavros about combat philosophy life love, “to behave the way a mentor does”

>re: john “Your complete lack of remarkability, specific motivation, drive, opinion on where to direct your own fate—these deficiencies are exactly what made you so useful, so susceptible to being endowed with the you-ness I’ve borrowed to satisfy my purposes.”

>at the end of meat, callie in jade's body in candy timeline kills lord english and gets big powers or whatever. cherub stuff

>terezi gets a text at the end of Meat, we dont know from whom (candy!(vriska)?)

>john left letters for everyone in Meat but no one’s found them yet?

>snapchats were probably before the split 

>this whole post makes both me and krav sound like we’re been talking about this for 24 hours straight (we did)

[sighfertryptich]

Im going to rant(ish), skip if you want.

So I was watching a video (its the “Generations React to Dan Howell and Eugene Lee Yang Coming Out On Youtube” video by FBE) and everyone started sharing their coming out stories, and everyone was sharing that they were either scared or felt a freak by it. I felt that I wanted to, considering this is the only platform I have on here that I can express myself to the fullest without judgement, share my own, even though I am not in an accepting household.

So, let me start out with this. Growing up, I thought I was straight. There were no signs of me feeling any different than other kids. I was one of the more innocent children, I didnt care about gender identity or sexuality. I just cared about who I was going to play with at recess. By the time I hit fifth grade, I was naïve to the fact that not everyone was attracted to everyone around them. I didn’t understand that some boys only liked girls, and some girls only liked boys. In my community, it was rare that the gays and lesbians understood what it was, so they werent around to put that knowledge in our vocabulary. To me, if you had a crush, it could be on either a female or a male, whether or not you were the same gender or the opposite.

Reaching middle school, about a year later, our views were widened. People around me were realizing or expressing their sexualities. I, on the other hand, still didn’t understand that there were labels to these things. (Keep in mind, there still weren’t lesbians or gays out in the open yet. Everyone was either bisexual or straight.)

When this new vocabulary came to light, I could finally attempt to put a name to myself, liking both men and women.

I accepted the term bisexual for myself at the ripe age of 11.

I didn’t plan on telling my parents. I never wanted to. They didnt have to know who I was imagining kissing, they didnt have to know who I had crushes on. To this day, I never planned on telling them until the day came that I would have to. As in, if the time came, I would tell them when I got engaged to a woman.

Throughout middle school, I was labeled bisexual. It just felt normal to like who I wanted to like, and the people I surrounded myself with accepted me. I guess I got lucky with that. Reaching into high school, I got my first serious woman x woman crush. Every single day, she’d come into class and I would just gush over her. She was gorgeous. And being honest, a ripe 13 year old me was in her scene phase, and this girl oozed alternative. She had a grunge look, part of her hair was dyed sea-foam green, and she was sweet and funny and kind. As far as I knew, she liked me back.

I remember my first Sadie Hawkins dance. I got with my school’s GSA (Gay Straight Alliance) Club and put together this whole thing where me and a couple friends made shirts that said “Will you go to Sadie Hawkins with me?” She said yes! but then later the dance was canceled and we just made other plans. As time went on, she led me on to thinking she liked me. I found out she didn’t and that she was wasting her time on me when she got with one of my guy friends.

This is when my chronic depression stepped its pussy up. Thank you Dan Howell for giving me that quote.

When I was 15, I moved to my small town a state over where I reside to this day. I was still labeling myself as bisexual. I met my first lesbian that year. (And yes, this was my first time meeting a lesbian. Im serious.) She became my best friend for the next 3 and a half years. She opened me to the world of different labels and helped me through finding out what I realized I truly was.

I was, and am, Pansexual. And a proud one at that. #PansexualPride.

I got my first serious girlfriend when I was 18. Or at least, I thought it was serious. I was head over heels for her. She claimed she was bisexual. [I say claimed because she admitted after we broke up that she was straight.]

Long story short, she used me to go to RenFest, then broke up with me a week later blaming her depression, then got with some dude a day later.

A couple of months later, I met a girl through an app called Amino. She was pansexual, like me, and we had a lot of the same interests. Only problem was that while I lived in Louisiana, she lived on an island off the coast of Florida.

Although our relationship didn’t last long, I added her because this was the first time in my entire life that I actually could see myself marrying a woman.

Let me explain.

Up until this point, I had only ever seen myself marrying a man. Yes, I had an attraction to women. Ive dated women, although not many, but never could see myself marrying any of them. Nothing wrong with that.

During this time, I cut my hair very short. Like, pixie-cut with an undercut. My intentions to cut it were that it’d be easier to put up into wigs when I cosplayed, and it’d be less to take care of and look good. We’ll come back to this later.

Directly after our 3 month anniversary, yes I do month anniversaries, I met my current girlfriend, Cole.

I swear, it was one of those moments where you see someone and you know they’re going to be in your life for years to come. [Fun fact - she told me that after she had met me for the first time, she joked with her friend that her and I “would have an August wedding” even though we barely had passed a few sentences between each other.] There’s just that feeling when you look someone in the eyes and know that there’s something special about them. Something you want - no, need - in your life, whether it’s to make a life-long decision or just to help you grow as a person.

I started dressing more comfortably. I no longer wore skirts or dresses. I wore jeans and t-shirts and hats and less makeup. I wore chains attached to my belt loops. All in all, I started looking more masculine, even though it was just me dressing comfortably. My job allowed it, I was earning the money to allow me to buy clothes like this. It made me happy. I started feeling more comfortable with more masculine terms rather than strictly feminine terms, ie. “mans, they, them, boy” etc. I wasn’t uncomfortable when someone said I looked like a boy, nor was I uncomfortable with my female body. I just didnt care. It wasnt insulting as I was raised to think it was. In fact, I encouraged it. I allowed - and still allow - people to think I was whatever gender they assigned me with. In all, I became Genderfluid. Gender Neutral, if you will.

Now, we’re going to back up just a tiny bit. Tee tiny, nothing big.

About a month before I met Cole, someone outted me to my mother. Keep in mind, I was never planning on coming out to her. My older sister is like me, Pansexual. She strives on the fact that she doesnt tell people she’s in a woman x woman relationship unless people directly ask. She doesnt label her sexuality. And I look up to her severely for that.

My mother is homophobic. She says she isn’t, and maybe she’s not, due to the fact she accepts my sister and her girlfriend, and hopes they get married someday. But for me, I was supposed to be the ray of hope. I was supposed to be blonde, straight, thin, cheerleading captain female who went to college and became highly successful. I wasn’t supposed to be the 5-foot-8, blue haired, overweight, artsy gender fluid kid she had who dropped out of high school, got their GED, and “doesnt show signs of responsibility” (- per my mother, who doesnt want to put me through college) kid she ultimately got.

Dressing how I felt was comfortable and loving who I wanted to love brought me hate from the one person who should love me unconditionally - my own mother. Most people were given hate by their peers, being called gay and butch. My hate was given from the person who gave me life. My mother has said that she regrets getting pregnant with me, and that she would’ve stopped after her first two kids. In fact, she had her tubes tied BEFORE she got pregnant with me. I was being born, with or without her consent. She has told me countless times that she feels like she failed as a parent due to the way I came out as an adult.

To this day, she tells me that I constantly look “too lesbian” or “too butch” and that I need to “go back to how I used to look”. She doesnt accept that I like women. She calls me a lesbian - and everyone knows that when you like both men and women, you’re very obviously not a lesbian. Ive told her countless times that I’m not a lesbian. But she never listens. She uses the term lesbian as anyone in middle school would use the word gay - as an insult.

It makes me confused. How could you raise your kid - which by the way, Im the first kid she raised on her own, her other two were raised with either my grandmother or the baby’s father - and tell them you’re disgusted by their happiness? How could you be okay with one pansexual daughter and hate the other?

(This next part might be TMI but it makes another avid point.)

How can you be okay with your daughter sending explicit pictures to a boy, but be disgusted by your daughter holding hands with a girl?

I still have to hide my relationship with Cole. It makes me sick to my stomach to not be able to say “Mom, this is my girlfriend.” with the girl I care ever so deeply for. I want to take her to family events and show her to the world, screaming at the top of my lungs that Cole is mine and mine alone.

Cole tells me that I’m an idiot when I get gushy. In fact, she’ll probably text me saying I made her cry (dont worry, its tears of love) if she gets to the end of this.

Cole is gorgeous. Even when I spend the night, and she’s got sleep in her eyes the next morning, teeth not yet brushed, hair a mess, making gross yawning faces, I still think she’s quite possibly the most beautiful person I’ve ever met. She’s always got me nonstop laughing, doubling over and straight up snorting sometimes. She’s caring and headstrong, not afraid to stand up for what she believes in.

I want to be able to show her off.

But I cant with a mother like mine.

So, long story short, I grew up in an accepting community. Fell hard for some men and some women. Grew up and realized who I was as a person. Found someone who accepts me through each and every questioning moment I have with myself. Yet, I cant show her off like the people around me all because of the one person who gave me life.

I guess you could say this is the end, but everyone knows its a To Be Continued. You just gotta roll with what life gives you, whether or not the people in your life are there to love you or hurt you.

If you got this far, I applaud and also thank you. I’m not able to rant to anyone like this, so if you took the time to read this, I appreciate it. No one wants to hear my story. If you do…

My name is Marley, and I am a Pansexual, Gender Neutral, KPop loving cosplayer who is not afraid to love who they want to love.

Thank you ♡

(Btw, sorry if I got off track towards the end. My mind wanders when telling stories. I wrote this on my phone so I’ll go back and add a “Keep Reading” thing if you’d rather just skip it.)

[magioftheseas]

Day 1 - Reserve

Written for @the-hinata-project 

Prompt: Reserve Course Student Hinata

Rating: G

Warnings: Lowkey manipulation and insecurity, but other than that, not much.

Notes: Alright, so I’m still in the middle of these, but like... Here’s the first one! They’re all going to be pretty short, around 2K but I’m gonna do my best to finish all of them so wish me luck...! And this first fic is gen. No ships. Next ones won’t be so gen. It’s also pre-HPA. Kind of.

***Alternate Ao3 Link***

Commission? Donate?

The last wish he made on New Year’s was a simple one.

I want to get into Hope’s Peak.

But of course that  would never happen.

“Can’t you dream more realistically, Hajime? Do you have any idea how expensive Hope’s Peak actually is? We can’t afford that.”

“I... I know that, but...”

“If you know then why are you burdening us with this? Please. Just think about other people besides yourself for once.”

“...sorry.”

His mother sighs, but ruffles his hair in a show of affection.

“You current high school isn’t so bad, right? You can make good friends here, and it’s a fine school.”

“I guess it’s...decent,” he mumbles.

“Just don’t even worry about Hope’s Peak anymore,” she tells him. “It’s impossible, and it can’t be helped. Keep your chin up. Okay?”

“...fine...”

Because he knew, after all, that she had a point. They couldn’t afford it. And he wasn’t talented. It was a pipe dream to attend. Nothing more. Nothing less.

Still...

--

For his birthday, he was given a new laptop to replace the old. It was a fairly recent model. Pretty expensive. Likely compensation. He can’t say he didn’t like it.

He wasn’t ungrateful. He doesn’t think so.

It’s just that I admire Hope’s Peak more than anything.

So much so that he finds himself on the forums first thing.

>Does anyone have any idea who’s going to be in the upcoming batch?

>They haven’t finished scouting, right? Oh, but I just saw on the news that an actual princess was accepted! Hope’s Peak really can get in anyone!

>Wow, actual royalty?!

>There’s this photographer I follow. She’s getting in, too, I’m pretty sure.

>I just saw Saionji Hiyoko-san’s performance last week. I’m positive she’s getting in.

>I’m more interested in the princess. Can you imagine how lucky it would be to meet an actual princess?

>>They’ll be running the lottery in a month or so. What I would give to have more of a chance...

>Wow, they’re doing that again?

>With how much getting into the reserve course costs, you probably have a better chance with the lottery...

>But if you win the lottery, you’re actually considered talented. Reserves are just...y’know, reserves.

>But you’ll get to meet the princess, potentially. I think the money’s worth it, even if all I can do is steal a glance!

>Still... Seems so lame that you can just pay your way in...

>But brand name recognition is pretty powerful...

>>I heard you can actually get into the main course from the reserve course if you do well enough.

>No way! That’s a pipe dream! Maybe if you paid like, twice as much!

>Must be nice to be rich, huh...

Hinata stares, wondering what to type, but also letting the thoughts swirl around in his head.

>>I would do anything to get into Hope’s Peak. But my family just can’t afford that.

>Yeah, mine neither. Who actually can?

>You’d be surprised... They’re getting a lot of enrollments.

>You can’t like...get a scholarship or anything? It’s not like you need to go to college after attending Hope’s Peak.

>Well the golden gates can’t open that wide, I suppose...

>It’s for the best. If just about anyone could get in, it wouldn’t be that special.

Hinata bites his lip, picking at the peeling skin with his teeth.

>>Still. I want to get in more than anything.

>If you aren’t talented, it can’t be helped.

>>I would give anything.

>Pffft. No kidding. I’d give an arm and a leg, probably.

>>I would give anything.

>A lot of people would.

>You’re like a super fan, huh. Well, I am, too, but still...

>>Getting into Hope’s Peak has always been my dream.

>Everyone wants to be special, man.

>But if everyone was special then no one would be special.

>It can’t be helped. You’re either born talented or you aren’t.

>Right?! I must have spent hours drawing but there was always that one person I could just never compare to. It’s hopeless!

>You shouldn’t say hopeless on the Hope’s Peak forums!

>Haha, sorry!

>>I’ve never been talented. There’s not one thing I’m particularly good at.

>Normie...

>>But I want to get into Hope’s Peak Academy... More than anything.

>Give it up. For your own good. Wishing for the impossible isn’t healthy.

>Hey, don’t tell him that! What if he ends up winning the lottery?

>Yeah, right!

>>I’m not particularly lucky, either.

>Luck’s not a talent anyway.

>Are you sure? I’ve known people who get ridiculously lucky while gambling...

>If they gamble too much, that luck’s bound to run out. And I bet they’re not that lucky, they just brag a lot.

>That might be true... Still it would be nice just to get into Hope’s Peak by chance...

>Whoever wins that lottery probably is ridiculously lucky considering how many people are participating. We’re talking like, every high school student in their first year in the country.

>Sucks to be other countries, huh.

>Maybe someday but for now, I like not having that much competition.

>Still a ridiculous amount competing...

>I bet it’ll be someone who can afford the reserve course if they haven’t already enrolled.

>No fair! That kind of thing should disqualify you immediately!

>>I just...want to get in...

>Yeah we all do. But it’s impossible.

>Impossible.

>Totally impossible.

>Pigs will fly first.

>I heard some Ultimates actually can make some crazy shit. We might see flying pigs pretty soon.

>That’s terrifying.

>>I just want to get in.

>You should get offline.

He should. He really, really should.

Is it really impossible?

“Of course it is,” he can practically hear them murmur. “Not only are you untalented, you can’t afford it! And you’re going to win the lottery, either!”

Hinata buries his face into his hands, shuddering.

I just... I just...

--

To his surprise, he later receives a DM. Shivering, he clicks it open.

>Would you really do anything for Hope’s Peak?

He doesn’t recognize the name of the sender but...it looks official.

>>Yes. Of course. Why?

>There actually is a program you can sign up for that will get you in without having to pay a coin.

Hinata blinked once. Twice.

It’s way too good to be true.

But he’s desperate. Beyond desperate.

>>What is this program? How can I sign up?

>Here’s the information.

--

What he’s about to do is how people get themselves abducted, he’s pretty sure. But right now, he’s desperate and... If it really was someone associated with Hope’s Peak, how bad can it be? What’s the worse than can happen?

I already have no chance getting in. I know that... But...

His heart was pounding as he took the train. He stared out the window, at HPA’s towering buildings in the distance, getting closer and closer, and he sucks in his breath.

It’s so shining that it hurts to look at.

Shining like a dream...

--

“Ah, Hinata-kun, you made it after all. So you have the necessary information?”

“Uh... Yes...” Truth be told, he didn’t understand most of it. There were a lot of words that were hard to read and pretty...advanced. “I just...well you said you couldn’t explain everything in just files, so...”

The other looked pretty professional. Sharply dressed and smiling in a way that at least seemed pretty welcoming. But...still pretty intimidating, considering the circumstances. Hinata ducked his head, feeling rather flustered.

“Yes, it’s meant to be kept very tightly under wraps, you see,” they laugh. “I need to assure confidentiality before explaining, Hinata-kun. Surely you understand.”

That’s...weird.

But it made his blood thrum with excitement to be a part of.

“I... Y-Yes, of course. Absolutely... Of course...”

“Sign this form, then, promising that.”

“O-Of course...!”

He scribbles down his signature without a second thought. The other smiled more, pleased. Hinata squirmed in his seat, and tried to keep his posture straight.

With that, the other sat across from him, polite and yet...expectant.

Ah... Hah...

“So you’re willing to do anything for this school,” they say, voice almost light but also dense with significance. “Might I ask why?”

“It’s...as I said on the forums,” Hinata mumbles, fiddling with his tie. Even dressed professionally for this would-be interview, he feels underdressed. “I’ve always admired this school. Always. It’s always been my dream to...to go there...”

The other nods, expression unchanged.

“And why do you wish so badly to go there, despite not having a talent that can be cultivated?”

Hinata flinched.

“T-That’s...! I...” He hesitates, but he soon finds the words just spilling out. “I just want to be someone I can be proud of. Someone who can stand tall. Be confident. Be significant. Isn’t that what I deserve?”

“Isn’t that what everyone deserves?”

Hinata’s nails dig into his palms.

“I admire Hope’s Peak...more than anyone. I will give whatever I can...and then more than that...if I have to.” His teeth grit. “Whatever it takes... W-Whatever it takes...!”

Even though I know it’s selfish and impossible, I just...!

He just wanted to be someone. Someone other than...this.

Unimportant. Unremarkable. A faceless, meaningless part of the mass. The idea of being consumed by mediocrity and insignificance for the rest of his life, never to matter, never to even be remembered, just to disappear, just like he never even existed—

“I’ll do...w-whatever...it takes...” He’s shaking, eyes wide and crazed. “Whatever it takes... Whatever I can...and then more than that...if I have to.”

“Ah. I see.” An easy smile. And yet, the atmosphere felt so heavy that it was near suffocating. “Very well then, Hinata-kun. That’s exactly the kind of attitude we’re looking for.”

Hinata lit up.

“R-Really?” He dares to let hope slip into his tone. “D-Do you really mean it?”

A nod.

“Hinata-kun... If you could be reborn from the faceless body of a miserable nobody into the world’s hope... Would you?”

“That...sounds too good to be true...” His heart really was racing, but he was flushed with excitement. “But... Y-Yeah... I... Of course...”

“Then, allow me to tell you about how that can be possible. If you agree, you’ll be accepted into the school, free of charge, no talent necessary. In fact, it’s even essential that you be talentless.”

I...don’t understand.

He doesn’t understand but it just sounds so incredible that he can’t help but be swayed.

“...tell me.”

“Very well.”

A folder of files is placed before him. They look too important to grasp. And the stamped out letters of CONFIDENTIAL stare back into his wide-eyed, shimmering gaze.

Fingers trembling, Hinata actually slices his finger open as he flips it open.

He doesn’t even feel the sting, as engrossed as he is in the text.

“I...”

The words swirl around in his head, over and over until he drowns in them.

“Do you need time to think about it?” the other asks him kindly. So kindly that Hinata is struck cold. “Tell you what... You can still get into the reserve course. You don’t have to say yes right away, and the deadline will be in a few months from now. You can attend classes here until then...and then make your decision on whether or not you’re willing to stay. Okay?”

“I... O-Okay.” Hinata swallows. “That’s... I’m okay with that.”

I said I’d do anything. And I do...want to do anything. But...

His hands are shaking while still gripping the files.

I can’t...let this chance slip by...even if it’s something like this. This is everything I ever wanted. Why am I even hesitating?

“It’s alright,” the other says reassuringly, taking the files away with ease. “Hinata-kun, I know you’ll make the best decision for yourself.”

For...myself. Myself...

“I...yes.”

“I’ll have them send in your acceptance letter and uniform.” His hand is shook, the grip warm and calloused. “It was a pleasure meeting you, Hinata-kun.”

“A-A pleasure... Yeah.”

Just like that, Hinata was stumbling out of Hope’s Peak, trembling and falling to pieces with every shaky step.

I have to do it, he can’t help but think. I have to do it, for...for myself...

This was going to be the year his life changed irreparably. He was sure of it.

[365daysofsasuhina]

[ 365 Days of SasuHina || Day Fifty-One: Good Medicine ] [ Uchiha Sasuke, Hyūga Hinata ] [ SasuHina ] [ Verse: Healing Waters and Scorching Flames ] [ AO3 Link ]

She hasn’t had much opportunity to learn the healing side of waterbending. Though...then again, waterbending as a whole hasn’t exactly been a subject Hinata was steeped in. With the Fire Nation raids capturing and locking way the Southern waterbenders, Hinata had only her mother to teach her...and even then, not for long.

She’d not been one of the many taken prisoner. Hanako had simply been slain where she stood.

As the last left with any hint of bending in her veins, Hinata grew up without a teacher, only able to guess and feel her way through bending. Failures in her experiments meant a lack of confidence, and a yearning to someday make it to the North to find a master to learn from.

Of course, that had been before stumbling across the Avatar alongside her best friend Kiba. That single encounter changed not only her life, but the world.

Suddenly she had a way to leave the South Pole: a method of transport to the North, where she and the Avatar - Naruto - would learn under the remaining masters of waterbending.

Before they could leave, however...trouble found them. Namely the second-in-line prince Sasuke of the Fire Nation.

Their first meeting had her feeling fearful...but also realizing she couldn’t afford to be afraid. This was the Avatar...the world’s last chance for peace. If Hinata wanted to make it to the North - if she wanted Naruto to save the world - she had to put aside her reservations, and do as her mother did: stand up to the Fire Nation.

Needless to say, that first encounter - and the next several over the coming weeks - meant a great feeling of animosity between them: Hinata, and Sasuke. They both sought the same person, but for entirely different reasons.

But as time passed, and their circumstances changed...they could no longer afford to be enemies. Naruto needed to learn firebending. Sasuke had begun to see the error of his ways, thanks to careful guidance from his cousin Shisui: a secret member of the White Lotus.

So, the two groups were suddenly awkwardly pushed together as Sasuke accepted his role as Naruto’s firebending teacher.

But Hinata wasn’t having it.

After all he’d done - to them, to Naruto, to her - she couldn’t trust him. Wouldn’t! No longer was Hinata the meek, scared girl from the South Pole. By then, she’d grown into a young woman of resolve and dedication.

Of them all, it would be Hinata he’d have to convince the most.

It hadn’t been easy...but from a begrudging acceptance of their circumstances, situations arose to drive them together. Bit by bit, acceptance grew...which slowly formed into trust.

Which is why now, with Sasuke injured, Hinata tries to put her limited healing knowledge to the test.

“Just...hold still. I need to concentrate.”

Not arguing, Sasuke sits in a tense, accepting silence. Mild burns litter his left forearm, used to block an attack but partially letting it go astray. The red, puckered skin stings, but doesn’t seem too severe.

Taking clean water from a canteen, Hinata examines the wounds carefully before bringing the element up to the singed tissue. For a moment, it almost seems to burn all over again. But then the liquid glows softly, and relief instantly wilts Sasuke’s shoulders.

“...I’ve never seen waterbending healing before.”

“I’m...very loosely practiced in it. I had some lessons in the North, but...not as much as combat. I’ll do what I can, but...they might scar, and take a w-while to heal.”

“It’s fine...better than I could do.”

That earns him a brief glance before returning to her work.

“...when this is all over, I know a healer you can learn from. If you want.”

“...you do?”

“I…” Shame weighs in the base of Sasuke’s gut. “...when I, er...went to get Naruto, it wasn’t my first trip to the south. A few months before that, I’d gone to another tribe that used to be known for healing, and...took the last bender there. She’s the one serving my brother. Keeping him alive.”

Recognition alights Hinata’s face. “...I see.”

“I’ll be honest, I wasn’t...kind to her. At the time, I was still…” His tone fades to silence, not sure how to explain. “...I was so conflicted then. My brother means everything to me. I was desperate. So...I told her I was holding her village hostage. If anything happened to Itachi, I would…” Another pause, not needing to explain. “...and yet...part of me - a stupid, selfish part of me - had hoped we wouldn’t find one. A healer.”

“...but…?”

Grief and anger darken Sasuke’s face. “...the older I got...the more I realized that, if Itachi were to die...it would make me the next Fire Lord. And now, I...I can’t stand myself for ever having thought that way. But my father, his teachings...they jaded me. It’s like he wanted to pit us against each other. He knew Itachi was weak. Maybe...that’s what he wanted. But I insisted to try the South. To look for a healer.”

For a time, quiet settles over them. “...then...that’s what matters in the end. You overcame those feelings, and you got him help.”

“But I did so in a terrible way!”

“I’m not saying you’re not at fault in that regard. But...you helped your brother, when you could have...well, left him to a worse fate. Maybe someday you can atone to how you treated the other waterbender. And...I would be happy to learn from her.” Hinata glances up, managing a small smile.

“...you’ve come a long way, Sasuke. In my eyes, at least. I’ll admit...I was so wary of you at first. And...I had reason to be. But I also see how you’ve changed. I might have had my doubts, but you proved yourself. I’m sure you can do so with her when the time comes. For now, we each have our own paths. She’ll help your brother, and you’ll help the Avatar.”

Sasuke looks to her with a somber expression before glancing to his wounds. “...and you’ll help me.”

“...we’ll all help each other. Together, we’ll stop your father. The Fire Nation can then be led back into the ways of peace. The w-war will be over. And we can all...go home. Heal. And the world can regain its sense of balance.”

“The work won’t stop with the war,” Sasuke reminds her dryly. “There will be plenty left to do.”

“I know...but we’ll face it together. All of us. Naruto has changed too, you know. He’s not just a wistful child. Now...he’s matured. At least,” she laughs, “somewhat. Part of him, I think, will always be a kid. But we work together well as a team - and we’ll keep doing so after the war, until the world has a better foundation. It’s been stuck in this war for almost a hundred years! There will be a lot to get used to.”

“Hn…”

Another round of silence, and then Hinata checks her work. Scars glisten pink along Sasuke’s arms, but a flex and a prod prove them to be healed. “Well...it’s not p-pretty, but…”

“It’s great. Thanks, Hinata.” The prince affords her a rare smile that she returns.

A kind of tension seems to bloom...before they both glance away.

“I...I-I should see if Naruto has any wounds,” she offers, moving to stand.

“Yeah, I’ll...start working on a fire for the camp.” He watches her go, unable to help a feeling of...frustration. Like he’s missed something. Looking to his arm, fingers gently sweep over the new scar tissue. He’s sure they won’t be the last.

...and maybe he won’t mind a little healing every now and again.

     Well, not as late as last night - woo? lol      More AtLA! I've been really feeling this fandom lately, and it worked well for this prompt, too! I love incorporating some healing with Hinata, given her canon dabbling into it, what with her poultices she's been seen to make! So while she might not be a master, she can at least help Sasuke's wounds a bit.      And he doesn't mind getting a little up close and personal, it seems ;3      Anywho, that's it for today! I'm excited to have crossed the 50 day mark - and soon we'll be at two months! Kinda crazy, honestly...time's really flying. But, either way, thanks for reading!

[worangetravellertravels]

A Travel To An Orange Sky V: Morning

Me and... my whispering self (”we need a better name!”) finally arrive home right at the dawn of day and... and...

“Why did we got this home? Oh that one IS an old memory! And it was basically”

THE VIEW

Behind our home we could see a distant yet lovely close countryside, full of farms and fruit trees, all of them obviouslly separated by fences, each separating and showing to us a different world, maybe similar but at the same time SO different from one another... behind all that we could see small brown and green hills that on a cold morning like today felt like a couple of ice cream balls and above those hills? The sun, just now shily coming up after a crazy and weird night inside my head... and something more. The sky? was a lively and bright orange

“Our favorite color”...

... Only because of a drink and cartoons.

We stared at the sun and the start of a new day without saying anything, not a whisper to be heard... thought I felt their presence with me, they were archiving and enjoying this memory inmensly... finally a proper nice thing to remember

“You have plenty of good memories... but you NEED new ones and the routine of your life doesnt always leave you up for them... besides with time some memories get... spoiled...”

I started to remember, dont ask me why, of the time I was in an online relationship with a girl, we were both in highschool, we fooled around and had fun... and one day when I was getting ready for a journey she called me and the only time I heard her talk she said “I love you”, I call her back and said the same... but then after a while we broke up because well... young teens in a recently born internet? Was silly... I think its the only time a girl has told me the love me, romantically at least.

...

“You’re crying now, we’re crying now... sorry... it just came to me! That’s like a curse or some shit, I just bring the memories back, I can’t always choose which I bring”

I wiped the tears away... and smiled

“Huh?”

Then what we need... is better memories for us to move on.

“What’s with the cocky smile? You have a pla... oh... I LIKE IT!”

So do I Worange... so do I.

“Worange? Is that my name now?”

I think? two random favorite things of me blend together

“That doesn’t make much sense”

We never have, have we?

“... shit you’re right”

And so I finally went back home to rest... and plan.

-----------------------

It’s morning and 7:44 am I dont wanna go to work

“But we want money to buy shit so get moving, no time for breakfast but you can buy something even just a candy, just eat something”

UGH okay okay. Thankfully the train station has a candy cart outside. My morning is the same as any monday, same routine same week, same feeling of wanting saturday to be already here... there is one difference though.

“Hey I remember the first time you listened to this story! you didnt thought much of it at the time but everytime you listen it pisses you off more and more and...”

Yeah, I guess it’s because I hate people being guilted and they were forcing him to pick a side, by basically being dicks... but I guess the development all the character got late rin the story made it worth it to me

“Still annoying”

Me and my whisperes (or Worange how I call it) are now on better terms. They still bug me and bring back bad memories or annoying ones... but either I listened or argue with them or sometimes if im lucky THEY bring me a good memory to listen. It’s weird you know? It’s like they say You’re your own best friend? and also your worst critic? That’s Worange to me... I just need to remember how to handle them...

“But you wont always will...”

Yeah I know, nothing is perfect. It’s not like magically you will stop being the obnoxious whisper in my shoulder... I just need to be more aware so we have a way to deal with it.

“And also...”

OKAY SHUT UP AND LET ME FINISH! 

“Hehehehe... okay”

We actually have a plan. It will take a while to get there but since Worange seems to be related to memories... memories is what I’m gonna give them. I decided to begin writing stuff of my day eveyday, even the smallest things can be a better memory that routine day number 2534315 And there’s... something else...

I already have the letter done so when summer gets here? My three weeks will be spent traveling the country, following the road behind my home and seeing what the world has to offer. For better and Worse... I’ll become a traveller... and see if I can see an orange sky again.

“That’s gonna be... too many sentiments to describe to be honest”

It truly will... hopefully is worth it.

“You’re alive... so it is.”

THE TRAVELLER AND WORANGE WILL RETURN SOMEDAY... IN SEARCH FOR ANOTHER ORANGE SKY

———————————————

Notes:

Part 5 of 5 of a bigger story event. I THINK I FINALLY HAVE  ABETTER IDEA WHAT MY BOOK WILL BE ABOUT! And this arc was a prologue to it... It wasnt my original idea, but around day 3 it evolved into it... random thanks in order:

@elphaba-fang a crazy event Idea that finally made me get back to writing, thanks

@ask-sayori-ddlc things can be depressing... but YOU are who decide to look at them in the best or worst light possible... indirectly you taught me that, thank you.

@ej121 thanks for your comments and feedback, I will finally play Celeste... someday, smash comes first xD

@mars-the-4th-planet and @misterjukebox8 you get a thanks just for being my friends this time... nothing wrong with that right? :P

and thanks specially to @tsunderydander... you reminded me I like to write... and that escalated into this... and hopefully more. Thanks my friend

Music to end this story: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9nbN5gXVPxI

[queen-ofthe-pumpkinpatch]

The Reluctant Countess: Chapter Five

Also available to read on Fictionpress under the same name. (There’s a link in my sidebar.)

Story Summary: When another plague outbreak arrives on the shores of the Black Sea in 1667, wealthy merchant’s daughter Rosalind is forced to flee her comfortable life for the relative safety of a remote village in the Carpathian Mountains. But she soon finds the humble village harbors a sinister secret and a haunted past.

A “Beauty and the Beast”-inspired vampire story, rated T for some violence. (The romance itself is going to be rated PG.)

Rosalind did not know what else to say to her aunt without contradicting her. They finished their gruel in prickly silence, broken only by the clink of their spoons. She could feel Ioana watching her with a frustrated intensity, but she chose not to acknowledge it. She could try to respect the superstitions of others, but she could not agree to live in fear and ignorance like her neighbors did.

           The world is much wider and greater than any of these people will ever know, Rosalind thought. Maybe if they traveled more than a few miles from home once in a while, or read a book other than the Bible, they would understand.

           As they washed up the dishes from their breakfast, they heard a voice outside that signified Faruk was also awake. Ioana drew aside the threadbare curtain. Faruk was on his prayer mat, presumably facing Mecca, and bowed in prayer.

           Rosalind could hear her aunt muttering something under her breath about “heathen worship” and “devilry,” but before Ioana could march over and interrupt Faruk’s invocations, Rosalind held her back by the elbow.

           “He’s saying his morning prayers, as we just did ourselves,” she pointed out quietly. “There’s no harm in it.”

           “I said he could stay in this house,” Ioana said in a clipped tone. “That doesn’t mean his foreign rituals are welcome.”

           Dear God, I hope Faruk cannot hear our conversation from here, Rosalind thought, groaning internally. The walls of this house were meager enough that it seemed likely.

           Rosalind could only speak a little Arabic that she had picked up from her tutors, but it was enough to understand the substance of Faruk’s prayers. If an appeal to reason and tolerance did not move her aunt, then perhaps an appeal to her familial duty would.

           “Aunt Ioana, it’s a prayer for the dead. He’s praying for my father’s soul; they were good friends. Please leave him be.”

           I know you aren’t as cold and hard as you pretend to be, Rosalind wished she could say, pleading instead with her eyes. Her aunt exhaled in a sharp gust, and as if expelling her annoyance in the same breath, her taut posture relaxed.

           “When he’s finished, tell him the stable needs cleaning,” Ioana said.

           “So what will you do now?”

           Faruk paused in his shoveling and looked back at Rosalind over his shoulder. “What do you mean?”

           Rosalind shrugged, keeping her eyes fixed on the fresh straw she was strewing over the stable floors. “I mean, you’ve fulfilled the promise you made to my father, haven’t you? You’ve delivered me safely to my family. But I doubt you were planning on remaining here indefinitely. Your education and skillset aren’t exactly in high demand here.”

           “No, I suppose they are not,” he agreed with a wry smile.

           “So will you…will you be going back?” Rosalind could not keep her tone as nonchalant as she wanted.

           Faruk sighed heavily. “Constanta is not safe at present. The quarantine is likely still in effect. But you are right, I did not intend to live permanently in Vseník.”

           She bit her lip. She wanted to ask him, please don’t leave me alone here, you’re my only friend, but she knew how selfish a request it would be. He had a life of his own to lead, and he had no reason to sequester himself in some backward alpine village that did not welcome him.

           “Of course, it would be a waste if your vast knowledge and inquiring mind was trapped here, where they won’t be appreciated,” she said, forcing a smile. “Will you be going home to Istanbul, then?”

           He hesitated. “I will. But not yet. There is still a portion of my promise that I have yet to fulfill.”

           She looked at him inquiringly.

           “I told your father that I would see you well-married and settled before I moved on,” he admitted, his eyes crinkling at the corners as if anticipating her displeasure. “Since he was not able to discharge that paternal duty himself.”

           “Ah.” Rosalind felt her stomach sinking. “I’m sorry, Faruk. You might be waiting a long time.”

           She was not utterly opposed to matrimony, or even to the idea of a practical match. She had always assumed that someday she would need to choose someone level-headed, financially stable, and preferably from a good family. Her father had hoped their money, tainted though it was by trade, might even tempt a landowning family to make an offer.

           But he had always, always insisted they would find a husband Rosalind could respect, and even grow to care for.

           Passion is what drew your mother and I together, her father had told her when she turned sixteen. It wasn’t sensible and we were much too young, too poor. I don’t want that kind of uncertainty and danger for you. But I don’t want you trapped in a union that suffocates you, either. Your mind is too sharp to throw it away on some dull clod. We’ll find a happy medium, my girl, I know we will.

           At the time, that prospect had seemed realistic. Under the present circumstances, however…

           “Somehow I doubt there’s a suitable husband for me among the dozen or so bachelors in this village,” Rosalind said with a nervous laugh. “At least, by my father’s standards.”

            Faruk sighed, leaning on his shovel thoughtfully. “Perhaps we will both be pleasantly surprised.”

           After the stables were cleaned out and the horses fed, Rosalind was sent to the cistern in the town square to fetch water. It must have been a customary chore at this point in the morning, for there was already a long queue of women, young and old, with jugs and jars balanced on their hips or on top of their heads. There was much chattering and friendly gossip among those waiting their turn. But when Rosalind joined the line, the two women nearest ceased their spirited discussion and stole furtive glances at her.

           Rosalind stood tall and firm, refusing to blush or appear cowed. She would not be embarrassed by the rudeness of others.

           She had almost reached the front of the queue when a hush fell suddenly over the women. They all seemed to be looking at someone behind Rosalind. She did not seem remarkable to Rosalind—a woman of about thirty, auburn hair tucked back into a white kerchief, muscular arms from lifting and laboring. She wore a homespun gown and apron just like the other women here. So why did the crowd part at her arrival, and silently let her pass to the front of the line?

           It did not seem like they favored her out of respect, for the other women watched her with narrowed eyes. As the stranger passed, Rosalind saw a silver charm gleaming at her neck: a hand reaching out with pinky and thumb extended, an eye inscribed in its palm. It was a symbol to ward off the Evil Eye, which Rosalind had seen Jewish women wear back home.

           When the Jewish woman passed her again with a full jug of water, she briefly caught Rosalind’s gaze. She had largely ignored her rude Christian neighbors with placid defiance, but she paused for a moment at Rosalind. The expression in her hazel eyes was not one of curiosity, or even hostility, but seemed oddly like recognition and pity. Before Rosalind could unscramble her thoughts enough to speak to the woman, she shook her head once as if resigned, and continued on.

           What was that all about? Rosalind wondered. There was something unsettling about the interaction, as if the woman had known something she herself did not.

           One of the matrons in front of Rosalind bent toward her and whispered, “That’s Judith. She works for Him. Our Lord, I mean.”

           On her walk home, Rosalind tried to simply focus on not spilling her precariously full jug of water, but she could not shake the prickling feeling on the back of her neck. She did not believe in omens; she was a skeptic. She was inclined to search for natural and rational explanations before turning to superstition and magic. But the atmosphere of this village was so strange and disconcerting that her stomach twisted constantly with apprehension.

           Something was wrong here. And she almost dreaded finding out what.

              Exhausted by her chores that day, Rosalind fell asleep almost the moment her aunt blew out the feeble candle. But she did not find rest or oblivion.

           Her dreams were meandering and endless. She felt like she was falling backwards through a deep, narrow shaft in the earth, the sunlight up above fading to a tiny pinprick, nothing to catch her fall but empty space. And as she tumbled through that dark tunnel, the air grew colder until she lost all feeling in her fingers and toes. There was nothing but the dark and the cold and the smell of freshly-turned earth.

           Her dream-self screamed and screamed, but no sound escaped her dry throat.

           Waking was a sluggish, gradual process. First she became aware of how stiff and rigid she seemed to be lying. It felt as if her bed beneath her had been replaced with a slab of stone. The surface beneath her fingertips was damp and slick. The air smelled musty and stale. Rosalind was disoriented from her dreams, and before she dared open her eyes, she tried to sort through what was real and what was just a nightmare.

           It was all just in my head, she thought with a swell of relief. How ridiculous I was to be so terrified! But it felt so real at the time. When I open my eyes, I’ll be in the bedroom with my aunt and Faruk.

           Dim, flickering golden light met her eyes when she managed to wrench them open.

           She didn’t know this place.

           She was still in her fine linen nightdress, but someone had placed a woolen blanket over her. The hard, smooth surface under her turned out to be a stone dais; the flickering light came from the circle of half-melted candles around her. On either side of her were two stone sarcophagi topped with intricate marble effigies—on her right, a veiled noblewoman holding a rosary studded with glimmering rubies, and on her left, an armored knight clutching a sword in his only hand.

           On the clammy rock-hewn walls was a bas-relief carving of skeletons holding hands in a courtly dance. Beneath it, the admonition Memento Mori.

           Rosalind sat up slowly, trying to get her bearings. What am I doing here? Looking at the moisture on the rough walls, she wondered, Is this some kind of…tomb or catacomb underground?

           Before she could contemplate the potential horror of a premature burial, her roaming eyes were drawn to a dark corner. Someone was watching her in silence.