#this movie viscerally feels like summer

[vibe-stash]

Breaking Away (1979)

Director: Peter Yates DOP: Matthew F. Leonetti Art Direction: Patrizia von Brandenstein

[fastcardotmp3]

stranger things au where when it's all done, instead of the general fandom usual of NDA's and cover stories, those guys at the NINA Project figure out a way to use that same technology that brought El's memories back to instead wipe the memories of anyone involved in saving the world/ anyone who saw anything abnormal and replace them with the mundane.

It's the only foolproof way to make sure that none of That gets out, to make sure that no one decides to go poking around again 10 years down the line or write a book or a song or a movie that hits a little too closely to the truth, and the government loves themselves something that seems like a foolproof plan.

But what does this mean for our heroes? They don't remember the circumstances that brought them together, only the cover memories that were inserted in their place. They don't remember why they care so deeply for one another because a summer scooping ice cream or a walk through the woods or an-- impromptu game of baseball???-- doesn't quite line up with how it feels.

It feels bigger than that. It feels--

There are explanations for Steve's scars, he remembers a big dog and a trip to the ER, he remembers getting in a car accident and the seat belt coming loose enough to get stuck across his throat instead of his chest. He remembers-- blood on his hands, blood on his clothes, the outline of a man torn half to shreds--

He remembers a bad trip with Robin, but sometimes Robin will say something and it's-- when we got drugged- took those- when we uh, y'know tried LSD that time?-- fuzzy because of the bad trip of it all.

It's easy to accept the truth as the truth, because he remembers. It's easy, for years, to let the truth be the truth, to forget entirely that there are pieces that don't make sense, that there's no reason he should be as close with Dustin Henderson as he is because wait how did we meet? over a missing cat? It's easy, to just let it be true, because the love is there and that's what matters.

The love is there for a year and two and five and ten and Steve's life isn't always easy, in fact he's gone through his fair share of therapists for the insomnia none of them can explain, the confusion that both him and Robin talk about sometimes in the dead of night but can't remember talking about in the morning.

Eddie gets medicated for some sort of psychosis for a while because he had years of these intense night terrors that he could never explain to people, screaming at the top of his lungs, but the minute he would try to tell a shaking and terrified Steve or Robin or Nancy or whoever was present what it had been about he would just sob with frustration because he couldn't remember.

Max has a condition which made her lose her eyesight rapidly as a teenager, who has chronic pain that no doctors have ever found a real cause for despite Steve dragging her to appointment after appointment with fierce protectiveness in his eyes and voice, a desperation that there has to be a reason.

It's easy to accept it as the truth, that they all gravitated towards each other because they're all just a little fucked up in unrelated ways. That they connected to one another because oh you get scared sometimes too? scared like I do? scared like no one else understands?

Lucas starts spontaneously sobbing when some Kate Bush song plays on the radio in 1992. Can't explain it except that it hurts.

Nancy goes to a shooting range and feels her hands go steady for the first time in years in '93. She's never shot a gun before.

El Hopper had a traumatic enough childhood that doctors say she likely won't ever remember all of it, that her brain is protecting her, that-- that's probably true. They're doctors. They know better than Steve, they know about everything except why Max's legs hurt so bad she can't move sometimes.

They know everything except why Eddie can't feel pinned down without having a visceral belief he's dying.

They know everything except why Jonathan swears that their old house used to be painted a different color in the living room.

There are explanations for Steve's scars. He remembers a big dog.

Sharp teeth. Snarling.

He's in his thirties when he kisses Eddie Munson for the first time, because they're fucked in the head in the same ways, because no one else has ever gotten close enough to see the scars and hear the screaming and feel the desperation and not suggested maybe you need bigger help than I can give.

He's a grown man, and it's easy to believe the truth of his past, easy to think that growing older means it's supposed to be a little fuzzy around the edges, and that's okay because this feels bright and clear and technicolor, this thing with Eddie who has run away and come back half a dozen times but always does come back.

Whether he goes to Seattle or LA, New York or Boston; whether he and Steve are in the same place at the same time for more than a couple of weeks, he always comes back, they always find their way back to each other no matter where in the world, except--

Except there.

Everyone left that town with a haste-- or was it one at a time? No, it was the Byers first to California, except-- didn't Will graduate from that school? No. Because El went to school in Chicago at the same time that Robin started college there and she helped Will apply to the Arts Institute and--

And it was Max who went to California-- no, she was from there, but she also-- did she go back?

And why does Steve remember the house he grew up in but the minute he tries to step outside the back door onto the patio in his mind, out by the-- with the blue light and--

"Have you ever been back?" he asks Eddie one day, 32 years old and living in Chicago now full-time together. Robin's just down the road, Nancy's at the Tribune, Argyle has been franchising that coffee shop of his, is opening a spot here in town near his friends who he met when--

"Back where?" Eddie trails his hands through Steve's hair, laying half on top of each other on the couch and listening to some old tape of Jonathan's.

"Where we're from."

Eddie's fingers slow to an almost still and Steve props himself up to watch the way his brow furrows in concentration.

"Why would we go back?" he asks, and Steve has this flash-- like they've had this conversation before.

Like they've talked about where we're from before, although the name of the place never crosses their lips.

"I dunno," Steve slumps into Eddie's chest. They're getting older though so maybe just, "nostalgia?"

"Are you feeling nostalgic?" A rediscovered rhythm to gentle nails across his scalp. Soothing.

"It's where we met," Steve says. It feels true, although when he thinks about it-- "remember? How we met?"

"I..." Eddie's jaw clicks. It does that sometimes, on the same side with the scar.

There are explanations for Eddie's scars too-- a drug deal gone wrong, too many guys with too may knives-- or was it broken beer bottles? They used those as weapons, yeah. Tattered clothes and tattered skin and blood on Steve's hands--

No. He wasn't there. Blood on-- it was Dustin who found him? No. Wait, it was Wayne. Wayne found him, yeah, exactly--

"We met there," Eddie's gripping Steve's hair now, by the root. "We met back there. High school. Do you want to go back?

"Why would we go--"

Steve startles himself with the words, like they just-- like they weren't a choice to say, like they said themselves, like--

"Ed."

Breathing is tight. Steve sits up straight and looks at him. Scars on his face. Eyes so big and deep they hold endless histories--

"Eddie, do you want to go visit-- visit, uh, you know?"

"Why would we--" Eddie claps a hand over his mouth and hums out a sound of frightened discontent. "What. What the fuck."

"How did we meet, again?" Steve swallows. Eddie stands up, paces to the other side of the apartment.

"High school."

"How in high school?"

"Steve, I stopped taking those meds because they didn't help, but this isn't helping me not feel fucking certifiable either--"

"Eddie, I don't remember."

"Okay, so we're getting old!"

"We're not even middle aged!"

Eddie stops where he stands, shakes his head, and Steve watches him because it's easy to watch him, easy to look at the life they've lived and accept that they found each other, fell in love, because no one else gets what it's like to be fucked in the head. To know what's true and still feel wrong in that truth.

To believe it and still get lost in it.

Eddie clenches down on the tremble of his jaw and his eyes go big and imploring.

"What's happening, Stevie?"

There are explanations for all of it, but no one has ever been able to explain Max's pain or Nancy's sharp-shooting or Robin and Steve's inability to get drunk without losing it or the color of the paint in the Byers' old living room in that fucking town that Steve can't even think the name of--

"I'm calling Robin," he says, already striding across the floor. "I want to go back."

There are explanations.

Maybe that's not good enough anymore.

[jeremiah-fisher]

this august

—a the summer i turned pretty fic about first love, defining moments, and jeremiah fisher ♡

「chapter 3: a wedding invitation」

in and out of focus, moments that i keep

something for the pain and something so i sleep

won't you comfort me? warm the air that i breathe?

visceral in doses, hiding on the seams

standing on the sun and i don't feel a thing

won't you comfort me? take the fear i don't need?

. . .

After pressing submit on my tenth job application of the day, I crack my knuckles and lean back in my creaky folding chair. The pain in my spine which I had been ruthlessly ignoring since I sat down to start my job search this morning finally spills into every other crevice of my body all at once. I hunch over in agony, releasing a groan my ears had last heard when I experienced period cramps for the very first time at age twelve. My face settles between my thighs as blood rushes straight to the top of my head. 

It has been hours since I last ate. Breakfast consisted of scrambled eggs over the last two pieces of toast in the house and I don’t remember when lunch passed by. It doesn’t matter anyway. I don’t think I deserve to eat until I have applied to every junior administrative position in Chicago.

A week has come and gone since I was dismissed from my job. A whole seven days, one hundred and sixty eight hours, and over ten thousand seconds. When you take a step back to look at it, it seems like so much time. But it isn’t really. A few more weeks and my time in this house and perhaps this city will have come and gone, too. When I moved to Chicago for university almost a decade ago, I never knew I would fall in love with it the way that I had. My parents were from Michigan and Wyoming, but they had raised me in New York. That was the world I had known most of my life until Mom passed. But once New York stopped feeling like home, I found myself in Illinois with plans to stay here forever. But now… 

I lift myself up with the remainder of my energy. A million thoughts and confusing ruminations swim through my mind and I find myself not being able to navigate any of it. If I leave Chicago and go back to Albany, I would be closer to Dad. He and Tawny live in an apartment close to the downtown core where Tawny runs a burger joint. I could see them whenever I wanted. Plus, if Dad’s middle-age crisis continues, at least I won’t be hours away by car anymore. I can be there immediately when he needs me.  

The sound of the front door opening then shutting closed tears me away from my thoughts. A second later, I hear the patter of footsteps gaining momentum on the short flight of stairs it takes to reach the second floor. Carter’s footsteps. A whole two years in this house and I know the miniscule differences between my roommates’ foot patterns. 

These days, the two of them are hardly ever home. Zosia still cooks dinner for all of us, as is her favourite thing to do after a day in the office, and Carter still texts me to ask if I need anything from the grocery store. But we don’t talk anymore. Not like we used to. We would have game nights and movie nights and host friends together almost weekly. I know their lives have changed but I can’t help but miss the way things used to be. I’m forever wishing to go back, it seems, like I was made for a past that does not want me. 

I shut the lid on my laptop and stand to my feet. There’s nothing for it, then. I might as well go for that walk I’ve been putting off then help Zosia get started on dinner. 

As I go to grab a pair of socks from my drawer, my phone, which I had left charging on my bedside, starts to ring with an incoming request to FaceTime. I don’t move a muscle to go grab it. I allow it to ring and ring until it stops. A part of me even hopes the ringing won’t start up again in a few seconds even though I know the person on the other end of the line well enough to ascertain that the exact opposite of my plea will be occurring. 

I love Taylor, but I’m not in the mood to gossip with her today. With my life stuck on a rollercoaster of unamusing misfortunes, the very last bit of enthusiasm I have is for talking shit about the girls we went to college with and the bozos they have shacked up with since. Even more, I’m still painfully embarrassed. 

After Levi let me go last week, I knew it would only be a matter of time before word got back to his niece, so I bit the bullet and sent Taylor a minute long voice note apology explaining myself as best I could without revealing the truth behind why I had messed up so colossally. She had texted me back with a short, typed message which said: honestly, good riddance! uncle levi is gonna regret this. It was funny to think of Levi regretting anything when it comes to my skills and work ethic. He could have paid a foreigner to do my job for half the salary and they certainly wouldn’t have risked job security over their drunk father going missing for the umpteenth time. 

Taylor’s insistence causes my phone to ring again. I shoot daggers at it from afar for performing the exact duties I purchased it for before I go and retrieve it. An image of Taylor in front of her bathroom mirror looks back at me. I answer the call and add a little pep to my voice when I greet her. 

“Hey, Tay.”

Taylor, who has her hands in her hair as she mixes a dye concoction into it, glances down at me. “Finally. I thought you died or something.” 

“Not yet, unfortunately.” 

The unpleasant look she sends through the screen causes me to giggle. The tickle of it soothes some of the anxiety littering my mind. “Ugh. Not this again. I hate when you get moody.”

“Sorry my very human emotions bother you.” 

“Yay. Sarcasm. Love it… not.”

I drop my socks by the foot of my bed and fall back into it, landing on the unmade sheets. They are a cool hug on my back, alleviating some of the lingering discomfort. “What’s going on? Who got knocked up this time?”

“Whitney Frankl. But that’s not why I’m calling.”

“Why are you calling then?”

“Because I wanted to hear your moody, broody, sarcastic voice, obviously.” 

“Touché.”

“Toosh nothing, Bex. This is serious.”

I let out a mix of a laugh and cough. “Hit me.”

“I think Conrad popped the question.”

The starting news pulls me right back up to a seated position as I struggle to gather my plethora of thoughts.

Conrad asked Belly to marry him? Already? Belly only returned from her mother’s book tour in California a couple weeks ago and based on the two pictures Laurel had posted on her Facebook it had gone well and the two were ready to relax at home. Plus, hadn’t Conrad just entered his second year of residency at Massachusetts General Hospital? When had he had a chance to ring shop and plan a proposal? When did he have the chance to visit and actually propose? For a second, I think about scanning his Instagram for any posts about travelling out of state but a fat load of good that will do when the last time he had used any sort of social media, it was to post a picture of his old guitar without a caption and call it a day. 

I rub the back of my ear and ask, “What does Steven think?”

Taylor’s eyes bug out. “That’s your first question?” 

“He knows what goes on with Conrad the best. Don’t they see each other more often than even Conrad and Belly do?”

“Yeah, and he really thinks I’m beginning to like Boston. There’s nothing to do here, did you know that? Nothing!”

“Boston’s supposed to be a great place to live, though.” 

“For who? Rent is so expensive and yeah, it helps that Steven makes good money but I don’t. I used to be able to stretch fifty bucks so far in Philly. I'll be lucky if fifty gets me through the day here.”

“That New England charm isn’t working on you, is it?”

Taylor sighs and puts her comb down. Her face is cast with solemn fervour. “I guess I just miss home, my mom, and Bridget. She’s starting university in September. Can you believe it? My baby sister!”

“Where’s she going?”

“NYU. Then Mom will be all alone.” 

“Isn’t she seeing your old high school math teacher?”

“Oh my God, don’t remind me! It’s gross enough when she sends me pictures of them all cuddled up and stuff. It’s so weird. I used to fail all his exams and now he’s cozied up with my mother.” Her comb comes back up as she fixes an aluminium foil. The tact with which she does so reminds me of the time she did the same thing to Belly’s hair in our second year. Blue highlights weren’t her best look but it was something new and she needed that after everything that had happened the year before. “Back to what I was saying before. I think Conrad was in Philly last weekend and he asked her.”

“And how do you know that?

“Because he asked Steven for Jeremiah’s new number.” 

The admission nearly stops my heart. 

Following the disastrous events of many summers ago, Conrad and Jeremiah Fisher, two brothers who had never had the perfect relationship to begin with, stopped talking indefinitely. They had a fight the morning of Jeremiah’s wedding and then seemingly never spoke again. Belly was caught up in the middle of it, having been engaged to Jeremiah at the time. It was a scandalous and depressing affair that left a glaze of sorrow over our friend group for years to come. 

Every few months, Taylor will attempt to gather as many of us as possible for a weekend in Boston or Chicago. If Jeremiah comes, Conrad will tell us he can’t get away from school or the hospital. If Conrad comes, Jeremiah will tell us he has a date he can’t possibly miss. The two of them are family, the only sibling the other has, but they haven’t willingly been in the same room in ages. Easter, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s. Major holidays come and go and they never break bread together. The only time they seem to tolerate the other’s presence is on the anniversary of their mother’s death, when they visit Cousins Beach with their Dad and lay flowers on her grave. 

“Oh.”

“Right…” Taylor exits the bathroom and sits cross legged on her own bed. “There’s only one reason he would want to talk to Jeremy and that’s to tell him he and Belly are getting married.”

“What did Steven say?”

“He said he has his blessing but not to expect anything from his brother. Jeremy’s been MIA for months. He doesn’t even ‘like’ my posts anymore even though he’s always posting his own stuff.” That earns a dramatic roll of her eyes. “I taught him his angles, by the way. He never credits me for that.”

“Where is he these days?”

“Last I heard, he was promoted to junior leadership. He comes up to Boston every now and again and me, him, and Steven will grab coffee but he ditches us pretty quickly after that, always with an excuse about needing to visit HQ or his Dad.” Her eyes catch mine through the phone. “He doesn’t text you?”

“No, he…” 

I don’t know what to tell her. I don’t know how to tell her. Jeremiah texts me every single time he visits Chicago. He asks me out for coffee, lunch and dinner. A couple of times, he sent me crying emojis asking even just to meet for dessert. My choice, anywhere I wanted. I always give him a lousy excuse for why I can’t make it or tell him I’ll catch up with him the next time we all get together. Since he moved to Cape Cod a year ago, his texts have been less and less frequent, and I don’t know if I should be grateful for that or hate myself for being an awful friend. 

“I haven’t heard from him,” I explain, halfway between the truth I despise and the lie I need to uphold.

“That’s weird. I thought for sure he was keeping up with you.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re his favourite. Everyone knows that.”

“I’m n-not–”

“Bex, be serious. Everyone knows that if you and Belly weren’t friends, he would have made a pass at you. Not that you would have entertained it.” Taylor leans over her bed and grabs something off the ground. A bag of chips suddenly takes up a quarter of the screen. “What do you think he’ll say?”

I’m so lost in thought that it takes me a second to respond. “Huh?”

“Jeremiah. What do you think he’ll say when he finds out they’re getting married? Do you think he’ll come to the wedding?”

I shrug. “I don’t know. Maybe. Probably. It’s been years since they broke up. He’s gotta be over it by now, right?” The last time I saw him in person, we all had dinner in an Afghan restaurant in downtown Chicago. When he went to the restroom, he had left his phone on the table next to me. It had lit up with notifications three times while he was gone and it was three times that I noticed his lock screen: a picture of him and a beautiful girl smiling at each other inside what looked to be a club. I don’t know if she was his girlfriend or not, but if he was still mooning over his ex, he was doing a good job of hiding it. 

“It’s Jeremy. He doesn’t get over anything.” Taylor takes a moment to chew on her snack. “Kinda like me.”

The temptation to question her about what Jeremiah’s new job is like, what he’s been up to, and if he likes being close to his Mom buzzes through me, but I hold back. Asking any sort of question about him is akin to opening a can of worms with Taylor. As aloof she can be about certain matters, when it comes to emotions and human psychology, Taylor is as intelligent as they come. There was seldom a time in college that I could fake a happy smile in her presence without being subjected to her unending questions about why I’m lying to her face. Belly once told me that Taylor wasn’t like this at all in high school but that college had aided her maturity. And that’s why I'm frightened. 

There are times when I think Taylor knows me better than Belly because she’s asked me before, if I have feelings for Jeremiah, and I lied. It took everything in me to say “no” and not burst into tears. I’m just not sure if I can do it again, after all this time. Because while the jury is still out on his feelings for Isabel Conklin, my feelings have never swayed from the moment I first laid eyes on him. Not even after everything.

. . .

[virginreprise]

dearest VR, have you watched the film paris, texas? i have many jumbled incoherent thoughts about how its exploration of landscapes (specifically the american west) as metaphysical spaces, its prominent age gap relationship and other thematic elements intersect with the same sorts of things i like best in joel and arthur fics (skewing toward the DDLG ones hehe). and the same sorts of things that speak to me in lana's art, too. the film is not smut obv lol but i see strong connections between it and the fics i like best (and stories in general). it is a bit more gut-wrenching than i like the fics i read for escapism to be, like one of the truest depictions of ptsd, domestic violence, substance abuse, and 'the inability to go back' and the age gap is kinda just a fact of the mater. BUT i think you said once you are not necessarily a happily ever after person and i kind of love when age gap fics are not. typing this on my phone, it makes no sense, just thoughts... but wanted to say them after i saw your americana post from the other day on my dash :))

okay nonnie, i wanted to watch the film before i replied, just so i could you give you a comprehensive reply that wasn't just me pretending to agree with what you were saying and promising to watch a movie that would've probably stayed in my to watch list for a long time. soooooo, i watched it last night and it has been stuck in my mind ever since.

its exactly my type of film, so much so that i put in my top four on letterboxd. the shots of the landscape were breathtaking every time, no matter the length, the sympathy that i felt for travis was constant throughout the film and then squandered towards the end with the revelation and that fucking brilliant last conversation between him and jane. the cinematography was impeccable, the acting from the kid was brilliant which is unusual because i don't usually like kids in movies because (no offence) the acting always sucks. however, this time round it felt like they'd just told hunter carson to talk about his special interests and they'll just film him doing so with harry dean stanton nodding along and listening as a dad normally would.

it was just so personable and i don't wanna seem like I'm droning on because half the people reading this probably won't have a fucking clue what we're talking about, but it was so visceral in every way that a film should be. my melancholic nature was definitely stimulated and the age gap was unexpected but also extremely poignant and necessary. i just feel like its so realistic for such extreme age gaps to not have a happy ending, you know?? especially in an american wasteland where two people come together out of comfort that then transforms into obsession and possessiveness that ultimately stunts a healthy growth of the relationship. its something that i want to explore in this next fic i have planned called 'An American Trilogy,' (yes i named it after the elvis song), which is hopefully gonna be a three part fic that spans three months of summer starting in alabama, through north mississippi to memphis (for reasons i think you can gather from the fic title) through arkansas and into texas where...inevitability occurs.

i'm undecided whether i want to write it for joel or arthur because i feel like i've got a good few joel fics now and nothing to show for arthur who has always been my original man. if it were to be arthur then i'd have to transform the setting into a late 1800's southern america and there's a whole load of history that goes alongside it. unless people wouldn't mind a modern au - personally that's not what i like in an arthur fic tho. the historical setting is kinda part of him. let me know what yall think though!!

[littlespoonevan]

You can't say you have a specific call or scene in mind for those music choices and not share!!!

Anonymous asked: https://www.tumblr.com/littlespoonevan/752482136680005632/now-that-i-know-all-your-favourite-music-moments Can you tell us about the song call related that wins ?

okay i feel like i should've clarified i don't have like, Detailed scenes for most of those songs - just a general idea for the type of scene/call i could see it in askjdfhs but here is my take anyway:

I Was Made For Lovin’ You - KISS

ironically, i had an idea forever ago about a call to a movie set where an action stunt goes wrong so given this was the main song in the fall guy it feels very appropriate lmao. basically in my head there exists an episode about best friends where they keep getting calls about best friends and in this particular call, the two best friends are the stunt actors one and one of them confesses their love to the other in the midst of their panicked tangent while the other one is hurt/getting treated (yes this hypothetical episode ends with buddie feelings realisation obviously aksjdfh)

Barracuda - Heart

okay i don't have a specific scene for this but i do think it should match the energy of buck and eddie standing on top of the firetruck as it's moving to catch that sky diver in 3x11, like show me them doing something Cool

Time of the Season - The Zombies

i actually wanted this to be in the blackout arc lol. i think i was even talking to someone about it at the time too??? basically i thought it'd be Great as an opening montage song a la pressure in 2x01. and in line with that, i also think it'd be Great montage song if there was another heatwave (buddie secret relationship making out at the side of the firetruck a la bathena yes/yes?????)

California Dreamin’ - The Mamas & Papas

i wanted this to be in the season 6 opener askdjh i think it was when we were still theorising about the bathena cruise in s6 and the potential of a storm????? again, a very good opening montage song that could be a harbinger of an incoming disaster (i do believe it would work really well for a storm since you have the rain sounds at the beginning of the song and the contradiction of the lyrics)

Gimme, Gimme, Gimme - ABBA

i also wanted this to be in the blackout arc lmfao. look, when i accidentally predicted the blackout arc back in the summer before s5 i had a way more fUN arc planned in my head than what happened and having the lyrics 'Gimme, gimme, gimme a man after midnight Won't somebody help me chase the shadows away? Gimme, gimme, gimme a man after midnight Take me through the darkness to the break of the day' as part of an ep about a blackout is just very funny

i don't really have a specific call in mind for it but i do have a viscerally vivid image of buck jumping down from the truck like he did in the first call in treasure hunt while that song is playing overhead. also some people in the tags have suggested it playing on a call to a gay bar and i'd be very in favour of that askdjhf

Rasputin - Boney M.

this was originally the song i wanted playing in the stunt gone wrong scene lol

Everybody (Backstreet’s Back) - Backstreet Boys

i did literally just think of this one as i was making the poll but it would be so FUN!!!! halloween ep obviously, idk what context, but something along the lines of chim and the crow would be very funny. maybe something vampire-y/werewolf-esque to keep in theme with the music video. either way it should play during a call where the 118 is Freaked Out in an amusing way 👻

the poll is still active for another few hours if people feel like voting!! 🥰

[albonoooo]

got tagged by @wanderingblindly, thank you my beloved <3

what colour are your eyes?: a mixture of blue, green and grey that looks puddle-coloured most of the time.

tell me about your pets/your dream pet: after 15 wonderful years, our family dog paul (i named him that when i was five lol) unfortunately passed away in august 2023, i loved that dog more than most people. (there were some pictures of him here, but i got nervous that someone i know might see this so i removed them lmao). i'd love to get a dog or a cat at some point later in my life, but not now or any time soon.

share some interesting fact about yourself: i'm genuinely incredibly boring, so much so that i had to ask for help to find an answer here. the council decided on the fact that i know how to ride and own a motorcycle and am also a member in an mf in my hometown.

what was the first fandom you were a part of?: i guess the first time i was properly involved with fandom in any capacity was during my teen wolf days.

do you have any phobias?: i don't know if it's bad enough to be considered a phobia, but i'm terrified of heights. there have been several instances of me breaking down crying despite trying to keep it together while being in very high places (usually while having to climb dodgy stairs in very high buildings, among other things).

are you a picky eater? if so, what food can't you stand?: YES! and i hate it because it's so so limiting and annoying. i am incredibly sensitive regarding taste and texture and i have to physically force myself to hold back visceral reactions to foods i don't like. it'd probably be easier to list the foods i can eat tbh.

do you eat the burger and fries at the same time or one after another?: first some fries, then burger, fries, burger, fries, finish the burger, finish the fries. anything else is weird (what the fuck do you mean you eat them completely separately, liquid???)

winter or summer: winter all the way. i sweat easily, my body generally doesn't cope well with heat and i prefer bundling up and being a little cold over feeling too warm.

favourite fanfiction tropes: i LOVE a good au, any au really, but especially the cute ones. i'll read almost anything at least once and so there's just too many things i have read and enjoyed to list here. also, anything with an enemies to lovers situation. i am a sucker for that.

are you studying or working? what do you study/is your job?: both! i'm a full-time student (english major, history minor) and i am one of the student assistants in the english department's student office. i've also had other, less fun part-time jobs in the past.

what is the last country you visited: the netherlands and belgium during a day trip (by motorcycle) in june or july last year, i think.

what country would you want to move to after retiring?: i've haven't ever even considered living that long. i've always had a fascination with ireland and scotland, so based on looks and vibes alone i'd go there. or somewhere with solid winters, like a scandinavian country or finland.

who was your first crush?: hannes (played by nick romeo reimann) in the vorstadtkrokodile movies. i was ready for marriage, dreaming up a life together and everything. it also lasted until i was like 12 years old, so about six years in total. he really had me in a chokehold.

how did you get into f1 fandom?: after my interest was peaked by f1 edits that randomly popped up all over my social media one day (thank you algorithms), i did what i always do when something like that happens and opened tumblr to see what's up. and then i got stuck lol.

i have no clue who has or hasn't been tagged already, so feel free to ignore this!! @hrhgeorgerussell @bright-and-burning @borntogayz @lil-italian-disappointment @liamlawsonlesbian @piastrisms

[phykios]

Review: I Become Supreme Lord of the Bathroom

Yes, yes, the moment we’ve all been waiting for, the meetcute of the century, it’s very exciting, but I have to ask–why is it framed like a horror movie? 

To be clear, I’m not saying I don’t like it. I can easily believe that it’s a character choice, that Leah decided Annabeth had been practicing that line over and over again to sound as cool and aloof as possible, and then not realize it makes her look super weird. That is the kind of intense, “formative years in magical summer camp” awkwardness that I always associate Annabeth with. But combined with the storm, the blurring of the curtains, and the sinister musical underscoring, it’s just a very odd choice. 

For me, personally, peak delivery of “You drool when you sleep” will always belong to Kristin Stokes, mostly because the comedic value of her cutting off Percy in the middle as he musically waxes poetic about how beautiful she is is very, very high. But, because it’s literally Leah’s first (technically second) line in the whole series, and because I think it does make sense with her character as the episode unfolds, I won’t say it’s the wrong choice. I won’t even say that I don’t get it. Just that, when combined with the rest of the framing, it’s an odd one. (Remind me to return to this point once the season is over, and we’ll see if my feelings have changed at all!)

I’m going to do my best to be normal about Luke, and I promise you, I will fail. Luckily for all of us, Luke is not yet babygirl; he is still only baby. As several others have pointed out, the fact that Luke’s first interaction with Percy is one of immediate sympathy, and that he more explicitly takes Percy under his wing, taking book!Annabeth’s position of being the lore explainer and confidante, is going to be so heinous in retrospect when the betrayal comes. As a side note, I loved the way that the other cabin members were side-eyeing Percy as the camera slowly picked its way through the room. Also, the fact that Luke’s words were repeated by the shadowy figure (presumably Kronos) in Percy’s nightmare? When Percy calls Luke his friend, still in the middle of his emotional separation from Grover? Amazing. It’s going to hurt so bad. 

You can tell Luke has a lot of sway in his cabin, from the little entourage–including Chris!–that follows him around camp, but I wish we had seen more of his status in the greater camp social circle, beyond him getting Clarisse to successfully back off. Even something as simple as people just calling out to him in greeting would help fill the gaps in. (Think “Hi, Barbie!”) This could easily bog down the pacing, though, so I get why it’s not here. You can also tell that Luke and Chris have their little grooming (ideological, not the other kind) routine down pat. “They like the smell of burnt mac and cheese?” “They like the smell of begging.” Might be my favorite exchange of the whole episode. 

Speaking of favorites, favorite performance this episode goes to Dior Goodjohn during capture the flag. However, Clarisse’s characterization here feels almost like the inverted version of Gabe from the previous episode–he’s been dialed down, but she’s been dialed up. In the books, she starts out as a bully, yes, but more of an ineffectual one, since she gets hit with a faceful of toilet water in her first appearance. Dior plays her much, much scarier than she ever was in text… but at the same time, could she be scarier just because the act of seeing someone in a fight can be scarier than reading about it? And again, the reverse for Gabe: was his character dialed down because seeing acts of domestic abuse at that level was a worse experience than reading about them? For Clarisse, this change works, but for Gabe, the jury's still out. 

Now, onto the claiming scene. Was it everything I hoped it would be and more? 

Not really. It was fine. (I thought the fight choreography was great, though–quick but still visceral, much more grounded than the standard Marvel featherlight beam fights.) For one thing, a glowing sea-green trident just doesn’t have the same visual oomph against a daylit background. For another, the drama of a hellhound coming out of nowhere and almost mauling Percy to death immediately raises the stakes, necessitating this equally dramatic resolution. But for a third, the claiming scene in the books is a hard subversion of what should be this triumphant, cathartic moment, where Percy is recognized by his father, but is instead immediately ostracized by his newfound community because of it. It’s a brilliant piece of writing, and it makes me go feral at the drop of a hat, and when the show decides to almost gloss over it, cutting from Percy in the water to Chiron’s exposition dump, it doesn’t feel like it has the time to settle, to impact the audience the way it should–or at least, the way that I want it to, the way it knocked me on my ass at age 12 and age 26 and age [redacted]. 

A lot of these last two episodes feel that way, in my opinion. I fear that, as someone who is clinically deep in the lore, my background knowledge fills in the gaps of the story that would otherwise be a detriment to a blind watcher. I recognize that there is a lot of book to get through in a relatively short amount of time, but we are skating along the plot at breakneck speed, and I worry that we are missing some key, grounding tentpoles in the meantime. 

So, with all that in mind, let’s talk about character arcs. 

Annabeth in the books clocks Percy as powerful from the moment she meets him–I think Annabeth in the show takes that to another level, using that fact to force Chiron’s hand in order to get her out of camp and on a quest. She is determined that Percy is “the one,” and if he isn’t, then she is going to make him so. It’s kind of hilarious to see a twelve year old as a kingmaker, but as Luke says, she’s always six steps ahead of everyone else. Based on this, I see why they’ve swapped some of Luke’s and Annabeth’s book personalities, because I predict that their show counterparts will switch roles as the season comes to an end. Annabeth will take Luke’s place as Percy’s friend, lore reservoir, and confidante, and Luke will become the cold, calculating one. Similarly, I bet that Grover and Percy’s arc will probably be about overcoming Percy’s feelings of betrayal towards Grover for getting him kicked out of Yancy. Percy’s new forged bonds with Grover and Annabeth will come in handy once Luke tries to stab him in the back. 

Stray thoughts:

Jason Mantzoukas, my beloved!! I’m glad he can dial down the insanity when necessary. As Dionysus, he has a really interesting dynamic switch between Percy (merciless trolling) and Grover (semi-stern authority). I wonder if it’s because technically Grover as a satyr kind of falls under his purview? Or am I overthinking it? 

At some point, if I can get good enough screencaps, I want to go through the set design and use my newfound ancient architectural knowledge to see where they pulled inspiration from

I wish Luke’s scar were bigger. And a little grosser. 

When Luke said the word “kleos,” I actually stood up and started pacing around the room. That, plus Chris name dropping an obscure god, makes me extremely happy.

It is so nice seeing Riordan’s continued commitment to expanding his world so that all kinds of kids can see themselves in his work!

It’s pronounced like “They-lia” with a soft th and I will die on this hill. But also, “forbidden kid” is kind of great and I kind of love it? 

One teeny nitpick: it looks most of the campers all have five bead necklaces, and I wish they had ones with different numbers: four beads, three beads, two beads, hell, throw in a 7 bead, just for fun

[repurposedmeatlocker]

6, 12, 26, 33, 42 and 47 for the movie ask? <3

6. Favorite movie from the 90's I technically already answered this one with a whole list of films....BUT WHATEVER. I realized I didn't add Toy Story (1995) and Toy Story 2 (1999). I love them both, and they honestly hold up super well for cgi animated films from that decade. The first one is especially kind of wonky, but I never really noticed that as a kid. I think because the story and acting is so well done, and choosing the focus to be toys was so clever for the technological constraints of the time.

12. Are you against book-to-movie adaptions? I wouldn't say I'm "against" it. Some of my favorite films are book-to-movie adaptions. A lot of films transition to the medium really well. Some are even more engaging to me than the book. That being said, I think it is RARE for instances like that to happen. Kind of a shot-in-the-dark. More often then not, when I read a book before and even after watching the film adaption, my first thought is "oh this is a lot better". As a result, I try to account for them as their own thing with individual merits rather than a direct comparison. I DO think that some choices for film adaption are unnecessary, because I cannot fathom how someone could take the book and make it into a film that is actually good and/or better than its original form. I don't think someone should necessarily be stopped from trying. Maybe they will surprise me. It has happened. Not often enough for me to be enthusiastic though.

26. Best experience going to the movies? I've definitely talked about it before, but it would have to be seeing Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker with my friends in 2019. We were all unashamed haters, and were lucky enough to be in a packed theatre also full of haters. The engagement from the audience was so visceral and fun, we didn't feel any shame laughing/clapping at inappropriate times. When Ray came onscreen for the first time someone yelled "hot!" Apologies for anyone in that theatre actually trying to enjoy the movie, but also it was Rise of Skywalker, that shit was just laughably bad.

33. An overrated movie Barbie (2023). I wasn't exactly over-the-hill excited about it when it was announced. I chalked it up to me just not being that into Barbie dolls as a kid. Then everyone started shouting really obtuse praises and I was a bit curious. When I actually saw it I was just like "that is it? This is what people were calling "sublime feminist cinema"? This is what conservatives all through the United States were getting scared of?" I don't know. No shame to anyone who the film did speak to. I sincerely love that for you. I'm just a bit tired of people using that as an excuse to call ANYTHING they like "nuanced" or "high cinema" without irony. I don't think I would be as bitter as I am towards the movie if people appreciated it as it was: a campy, fun summer flick. Sometimes a film is just that, and that is ok! We don't have to call everything "high cinema" in order for it to be valid and treated seriously.

42. Films you wanted to watch, but never got around to watching? SOOO MANY. My watchlist is so huge. Generally, ANY David Lynch film, ANY Cronenberg film, and ANY John Waters film. I sincerely don't know why I've been putting these off for so long despite being aware of them for so many years and actively WANTING to see them. At this point there isn't a good excuse anymore.

47. Favorite road trip film Thelma & Louise (1991) is so good. I cannot sing it enough praise. Closely followed by A Goofy Movie (1995), genuinely.

[ghostarii]

screaming crying clenching panting leaking

best smut writer on tumblr IDC IDCCC

the way you exactly know what what ur readers want is crazyy

the jing yuan pool scene lives rent free in my head AND IT'S BEEN DAYS!!! WHAT THE FUCKKKKK

it felt like sight out of a movie, the vibe was so heavyyyy with lust i-i- 😳😳😩😩😩

left me gagged, flabbergasted even 😭😭😭

fr tho I love how you balance the plot/set up with the actual smut cuz it hits so much harder

and the way you describe what is going on is perfectly balanced - the actions AND the feelings, the imagery, so not only can the reader imagine what is going but also FEEL IT, it just feels so visceral and humid like summer weather that is too hot while your on vacation - it's too much but like it anyway since it's the only time you can let go

lord help me 😩😩😩

okay im calm now, sorry for rambling

love your work xoxo ❤️

🥺🥺🥺 NONNIE I LOVE U ! ! ! this made my morning omgg im so flattered t_t it makes me sooo happy to know that u enjoyed my writing so much D: don’t be sorry for rambling ! it’s all welcome here hehe <3

[vibe-stash]

Breaking Away (1979)

Director: Peter Yates DOP: Matthew F. Leonetti Art Direction: Patrizia von Brandenstein

[titoist]

yesterday night i watched the goddard film "La Chinoise" with a friend.

it's hard to detail interpretations of movies - movies that are vague enough to where you're reasonably expected to have your own interpretation of its events, anyway - most of the time. mainly since, within me, there's definitely an instinct to search first for possible interpretations which seem or sound smart. as an aside from being egocentric, it also leads to some vain contamination of opinion where i might start feeling that it's not even be what i really think of it so much as what i would like to think of it. luckily for me, as a french arthouse film it tends to be much more pretentious (describing it as that with some degree of affection, here!) than even i'm capable of.

in short, the way it struck me was that the film was about 1. the sociopolitical circumstances of student activism in 60s france, & activism more broadly (this is the obvious part!), 2. the relation of art to truth, complicated though it tends to be. i paid more attention & gave much more thought to the first clause presented here.

what's immediately striking, & what i think set the tone for the rest of the film rather well, was the apartment of the maoist cell the film opens on. a pristine, white, cleanly & spacious studio apartment in urban Paris - plastered neatly with red propaganda posters portraying the cultural revolution, walls painted on with slogans like "A MINORITY WITH THE RIGHT POLITICS IS NOT A MINORITY" (interesting), piles of little red books making pillow fort-like defensive ramparts. i think it goes out of its way to portray the members of the cell as little bourgelings - a member details how the summer resort which his father owns on the coast of France operates on the same conceptual blueprint as the concentration camps of Nazi Germany. another offhandedly mentions coming from a family of bankers.

it shows a lot of ideology repurposed as philosophy - most of the film depicts them going along the motions of giving lectures to one another, transcribing the little red book by hand over & over again, playing darts on a board taped with pictures of reactionaries & revisionists like degaulle or foucault. there's a scene that sums up a large amount of the film for me, i think. near the end, when veronique is taking the train en route to a hotel where she plans to assassinate the soviet minister of culture. they get into a debate about with her professor what she is about to do, her arguing that this is a necessary step towards shutting down the universities & getting students onto the streets, how this is her first step in a revolution for "independence", how it's comparable to the algerian revolution. "the crucial difference," the reply goes. "is that the algerian revolution had an entire nation behind it. the only ones behind you are your cell - you can participate in a revolution, but you cannot invent one." & then, her reply, a kind of theoretical climax for me: "Well… Many people don't realize it, yet. That's why we do the thinking for them." a minority with the right politics is not a minority, then.

what it reminds me of is an interview with Nicholas Unger, a student radical involved with the whole anti-war american new left in the 70s. the SDS, the weather underground. his response for why the militant tendency did the things they did, why there was such a general culture of student fanaticism, was basically that… the war felt so evil and so horrifying, so deeply & overtly & primally unjust, that everyone at once felt viscerally that they just had to do something. it didn't matter what - you had to drive yourself insane & run in circles & make your heart tear itself into pieces, you had to act just to attempt to soothe a feeling of existential guilt & unease. you just had to know that you weren't complicit. when i look into the heart of western radicalism, this is mainly what i tend to see hiding under the curtain.

earlier on in the film, a member of the cell originally planned to commit the shooting plans out his suicide, which he intends to include as a finisher to the shooting. you see him practicing & fiddling nervously with the trigger of a pistol. a whole show is made of it, he has to sign a suicide letter & make sure it'll be found on his body. later on, the night before the attack is to be carried out, he goes & shoots himself prematurely anyway: this isn't politics in the sense of wanting to exert your vision unto the world, it's an excuse to kill yourself.

in the end, not much is changed. summer break is over for the little bankers & the resort-town sons, & so is the revolution.

[watching-pictures-move]

Movie Review | I Know What You Did Last Summer (Gillespie, 1997)

It’s been a year since that fateful event, when the characters covered up a hit and run and swore to take this horrible secret with them to the grave. They have drifted apart, as the currents of life have taken them down different streams. But a mysterious letter has brought them back together. Jennifer Love Hewitt. Sarah Michelle Gellar. Ryan Phillippe. And now, glimpsed on the dock like a small town Adonis, Freddie Prinze Jr., in a tight black tank top, baggy as hell cargo pants and a dangerous amount of product in his hair. We can talk about how fickle beauty standards can be regardless of gender, and I’d like to stress that this was considered the absolute peak of masculine beauty in 1997.

I bring this up not just to have a laugh at Prinze Jr.’s expense (although I won’t deny that was a motivating factor), but to position this is a temperature reading of the horror genre at that moment. The slasher film was the furthest from the grindhouse at this time, having shed the purely exploitative ethos of prior decades but before mean horror would make its return a few years later. Like in Scream, with whom this shares a screenwriter in Kevin Williamson, irony was in. These characters are at least nominally aware of other horror movies (The Silence of the Lambs is namechecked at one point). Dumb and horny teenagers are out. Snarky teenagers are in. This has appeared on the Criterion Channel as part of their High School Horror series, and I’d like to think it was chosen for its usefulness in this regard. Who knows, at the rate we’re going, maybe we’ll get a series with Urban Legends: Final Cut and American Psycho 2. Disreputable Shriekquels or something like that. Not judging, just observing. (I think their insistence on contextualizing movies has helped me get more out of what’s appeared on their service. So yes, I would 100% watch either of those were they to appear on the service.) Perhaps the appearance of Fleshtone on the service may have been a sign of things to come.

Not that any of this makes this a “good” movie. Despite the R-rating, the violence is strangely shied away from, frequently cut to neuter its impact, and the swooshing camera angles and slick studio style lacking the visceral impact of earlier, cruder slashers, not to mention the forcefulness Wes Craven brought to the Scream movies despite working in a similar aesthetic. I think this one’s failings are obvious in light of that other series, which creates the illusion of safety through the irony-laden dialogue and studio production values, only to snatch it away with the ruthless, full-bodied violence that it metes out. The sense of irony here feels more a symptom of ‘90s cinema, when characters were in the habit of talking fast and making references, than anything that’s really engaged with on the thematic level.

There’s also a sense of the dead-end realities of small town realities, with at least one character reintroduced with a much more humble fate than she’s envisioned, but this also feels a little undercooked. (The choice of a fishing village also feels like a transparent element to work in the hook hand urban legend element.) You can look at something like My Bloody Valentine and see how this element could have been better fleshed out. I will also say that despite my comments on Prinze Jr.’s getup, I found the performances relatively appealing. I didn’t see this movie until now and have no strong connection to anything else these actors have done, but as they were more or less “it” for a few years when I was growing up, I can’t help but feel a certain secondhand nostalgia. I also found it pretty funny when Phillippe incriminated himself by beating up the guy from The Big Bang Theory. Not the guy everybody loves or hates (depending on how you land on the show), the other guy. (On a side note, I once had a coworker compare me to Sheldon Cooper. I lied and pretended not to know who that was. Died a little on the inside that day.) For all my qualms, I found this pretty inoffensive.

I do think there’s something interesting with the way this movie frames the slasher’s motivation. The genre has often been accused of moralizing thanks to the juxtaposition of sex and violence, but here, the protagonists are targeted precisely because of their guilt, their direct complicity in the instigating incident. You compare this to the original Friday the 13th and Nightmare on Elm Street, where the villains avenge wrongdoings on characters they hold guilty by proxy, or any number of other slashers where the relationship between motivation and victim is even more tenuous. In one situation, the characters are targeted for their actions, who they are and what they did. In the other, the characters are denied even that agency. The violence is totally senseless. For all the flak that ‘80s slashers were given for their cardboard cutout characters, I know which dynamic I find scarier.

[aberfaeth]

lover and speak now for the album ask game?

THANKS BEV these are fun bc i do have mathematical ratings from that time i ranked every tswift song

lover

The best song on the album

cruel summer hands down. song of the summer. cant believe this wasnt the title track tbh

My favorite song on the album

cruel summer but specifically the versus me cover of cruel summer. if u and havent listened to that go do it rn rn immediately

My least favorite song on the album

this is tough bc like four songs on this album do instill a visceral hate and rage within me but i think im gonna go for you need to calm down, which instills the most visceral hate and rage within me

The most overrated song on the album

everyone shut up about the man forever or im going to become a misogynist for real

Most underrated

idk if daylight is actually underrated but its like one of my favorite taylor swift songs of all time so it deserves more hype regardless. this or i think he knows which is so fun and should be discussed

The banger of all bangers

miss americana and the heartbreak prince <3 O-KAY!

Rate from 0-10

6.8/10 according to my spreadsheet and i stand by that

speak now

im going by the old version bc i simply havent listened to enough of the vault tracks and also my opinion would be skewed by the presence of patrick stump, no matter how underutilized he was on that fucking song

The best song on the album

probably enchanted. i feel i can be a basic bitch about this one

My favorite song on the album

haunteddddd i love an orchestra i love screaming

My least favorite song on the album

mean

The most overrated song on the album

dear john is like. fine.

Most underrated

IF THIS WAS A MOVIE >>>>>>>> JUSTICE FOR HER

The banger of all bangers

better than revenge. this is also why rating by the old version is crucial bc the misogyny is what makes it fun

Rate from 0-10

8.34/10 according to the spreadsheet. i think this one is definitely affected by nostalgia bc this was like MYY tswift album when i was in middle school but i still enjoy the songs the same so like

[gay-flyboys]

Questions for Fic Writers

No one tagged me but I like stats and info and shit so I wanted to do this. "Keep reading" bc it's long and I don't hate you guys

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

34! On my main, 2 on my alt, and 1 anon. Would be closer to 42-45 but I went through a bender early this year and deleted/orphaned a lot of works

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

221,775 (plus the ~16k I'm editing rn) (not including the 2 on my alt)

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Currently only RWRB, though I wrote the most for Top Gun (both movies) and Julie and the Phantoms (most of those are what I deleted tho lol)

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

True Colors Shine in Darkness and in Secrecy (WIP) (RWRB)

Visceral In Doses (Top Gun)

Take All Of Me (Top Gun)

And I Am Your Tree (Young Royals)

Grit Your Teeth Another Time (Top Gun)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try to! Sometimes if I feel like I have nothing to add to them, I won't, but I generally try to give thanks at least.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I have a LOT lmao I love angst, so. By fandom + Main angst content:

Top Gun (2 Main canon character deaths)

Real Genius (Offscreen Character Death)

JATP (Referenced canon character death + funerals!)

Young Royals (Uhhh grief? It's post-S1)

Spiderman: Across the Spiderverse (Main character death)

Hunger Games (SA, as a fade to black)

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Again, by fandom bc I have several:

Top Gun (Hangster, Valentines day, post-canon fic)

Young Royals (5+1 of Wille being carried+carrying someone)

JATP (Willex Valentine's Day date. Pure fluff. So much fluff.)

RWRB (Henry character study, mix of pre and post-canon)

8. Do you get hate on fics?

OMG so one person (I assume, diff accs but it was anonymous) left several hate comments on a fic I wrote when I was like 16 so I deleted that shit immediately. Someone gifted me a fic afterward bc they felt bad LMAO. Nothing really since, though

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

HAHAHAH yeahhhh. Idk how you'd classify it though? Like. I've got a variety of shit in there

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Nah, not my style

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I'm aware of!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I can barely ask people to beta-read my fics, and making friends is hard. Asking to co-write might put me in the grave

14. What’s your all time favourite ship?

I have a few. I'm always soft for Barisi (SVU), Roy/Riza (royai?) (FMAB), and Willex (JATP), though

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Too many. A Barisi soulmate au I was rewriting. Icemav flower shop/pilot au, the entirety of Hangster as Exes as Youngblood. The TG/FMAB au I started. There's more. I have like 130 fics in my docs and over half of those are WIPs, so.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I've been told I'm good at writing physical touches, and movements. And I like to think I'm alright at descriptions

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I get way too wordy with those mentioned above. I ramble a lot. Dialogue scares me, especially in smut (I worry I'll be too corny/porno-sounding). I basically don't do outlines unless the idea I have is really long, and even then they tend to be pretty frail and bare-bones.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I used to pretty frequently when I was writing Barisi, mostly pet names and stuff in Spanish. I no longer feel confident in writing other languages that I don't know, which limits me to English and describing ASL.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Oh god. So it might have been Pokemon back when I was in elementary school. But I typically say Attack on Titan, the summer between 7th and 8th grade. I was friends with this one girl and would literally send, over Gmail, new chapters. I still have...most? of the writing in a doc and it is HORRENDOUS.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

It's not my best fic by any means, but I have a soft spot for I Hope We Make It (To The Other Side), which is a JATP fic that hit sooo many firsts for me. It was my first finished multi-chap fic, my first time plotting shit out. I think it was some of the longest writing I'd done at the time (my avg length of fic was like 2k and 3k for a long one). And I was SO PROUD of so many little things within it.

I also love Still Singin' Here Above The Ground, which is a RWRB fic that's pretty quiet but is just. Ugh. I'm really happy with how it turned out.

[erocide]

11/21/2024

The end of the week comes so quickly... at least, the end of the work week. I couldn't quite believe it when I checked the time at work. Friday already...

It's soooo cold in my room. I got out my tablet again for the first time in months to be able to type this up properly, instead of just on my phone, and I feel like my fingers are going to freeze!! I'm so clumsy! But it's fine... it means I get really good sleep all cozy in my blankets. Case in point: I slept until FOUR again today. I didn't turn my alarm off and my body decided, that in the sweet, cave-like darkness of my room, that eleven hours was enough...

What happened today... I basically spent my entire 2 hours of peace before work getting ready. And being indecisive on what I wanted to do. I thought I had enough time to go get Mexican food, realized I didn't, started to get out leftovers to reheat, saw it was already 5pm, and just gave up and got ready for work. Nobody said time management was MY strong point.

Spent most of today spending time with my friends, tbh. Work was easy. Laughably easy. My coworkers sill aren't worth shit but. C'est la vie. It just means I'm answering the phone for less time if I'm doing more mail. I got to spend time with Dee for the last time in a while, and I wish we had done more, but I'm still happy with what I got. And it's a Thursday, so I watched Dandadan with Nico. Aira is getting on my last fucking nerve 💔 but I'm sure she's important somehow. She's cursed, afterall, if that cliffhanger meant anything.

I also actually played IDV again. Everybody cheered. I had a lot of fun esp since I got to play with a friend. I need to go back to just Having Fun instead of trying to win 24/7. Getting better is great but it sucks the fun out of it. *And* I spent some time with Rain and Nico watching the story event and I played a hunter match. Just for fun. I won by the skin of my teeth.

I procrastinated wayyy too much at home though. I need more self-discipline in actually fixing dinner and going to bed. But I picked out two candidate outfits to go to the movies (maybe) and mall (definitely) tomorrow. It'll only be 56F in the afternoon so I tried to pick warmly but its Hard when its summer for 9 months of the year.

I also stayed up later than I meant to, sitting with my aunt and watching TV with her. I wanted to leave basically as soon as she came out but I felt bad ditching her and stayed for twenty or thirty more minutes.

When I finally left to brush my teeth, Milk came and joined me and I was reminded so viscerally of when he was sick and dying and trapped in my bathroom for his wellbeing. I think the most frustrating part of being reminded is that he's super standoffish about being touched and I couldn't pick him up and hug him, I had to carefully wait, bent over with my hand out, for him to come to me.

There's some meaningful commentary about life in there somewhere, but I can't be assed to find it at 5 am. Its so late, trucks are driving past as people go to work. So this is goodnight. Sweet dreams.

[musicarenagh]

NYRE on Turning Pain into Power and Finding Her Voice in Dark Pop Hey listeners, fans of music, welcome back to another episode of getting to know your favorite artists and today we are going to be featuring NYRE, Toronto’s dark pop royalty. She is just starting to get attention and she combines dark backgrounds with the emotional and honest lyrics that will make you feel goosebumps. NYRE discovered who she is, musically, by incorporating dark and moody tones from her UK alt-pop queen, Billie Eilish, into her powerful narrative of strength and change. Her debut single ‘Glitter With A Vengeance’ in 2023 packed the visceral, brash punch of young, unfiltered frustration but was backed by an unyielding positivity in the same vein as disco-era anthems. And she’s not stopping for anybody, or anything. NYRE just unleashed her new summer jam “You Didn’t Mean It” – an electropop single that aches with glossy synths and aggressive beats to call out the fickle nature of ex-lovers. But do not be fooled, this one is all about regaining control or assertiveness for a woman after it has been stripped from her. I’m so excited to really get to know NYRE through her responses to some of her biggest questions and what drives her as an artist and creative in the dark pop genre. The girl’s got stories to tell, and we are buckling up our seat belts for the ride. Break out the popcorn: It’s time to be entertained. Listen to ‘You Didn't Mean it' below https://open.spotify.com/track/1ZqgES8qeJI24OFuoBOPRJ?si=299868dc22454f8e Follow NYRE on Facebook Spotify Soundcloud Bandcamp Youtube Instagram Tiktok Songkick What is your stage name? My stage name is NYRE. Is there a story behind your stage name? Yes, NYRE is inspired by the idea of transformation and rebirth. It reflects the journey of turning pain into power and the process of self-discovery. It’s my name Eryn in reverse, representing the mirrored version of myself in the most confident and unapologetic form who I aim to become more of with each day. Where do you find inspiration? I find inspiration in my personal experiences, emotions, and the world around me. The city of Toronto at night is very mesmerizing and electrifying which provides a constant backdrop for my creativity. Additionally, I draw from literature, movies, and the stories of people I meet. What was the role of music in the early years of your life? Music has always been a significant part of my life. Growing up, I remember my mom always playing piano throughout my childhood which led me to learn piano and the basics of music theory. Music documentaries were always playing on the television, sparking my fascination with becoming a performer as far back as I can recall. I have been writing songs for over 16 years now since I was 8 years old, however I began releasing music in 2019. Are you from a musical or artistic family? Yes, my family has a strong musical background. My mom is an immensely talented piano player and is also an artist as well. She got me set up on GarageBand when I initially began playing around with music production in high school and helped me transition into Logic once I began taking it more seriously with a goal to release my creations. Who inspired you to be a part of the music industry? Watching Hannah Montana on TV made me dream of performing on stage and making people smile all throughout my elementary years. As I grew older, alternative pop artists like Halsey and Billie Eilish inspired me to pursue music professionally and express my emotions through songwriting. I can relate heavily to their songs and was able to see a place for myself in the music industry from listening to them. How did you learn to sing/write/play? I learned to play the piano through lessons after school as a child and a lot of self-teaching for singing. I was very self-conscious of my singing voice when I was younger, so I mainly practiced my favourite songs alone in front of my bedroom mirror throughout high school.

However, songwriting came naturally as I’ve always loved stories, poetry and theatre – especially Shakespeare. What was the first concert that you ever went to and who did you see perform? The first concert I ever attended was a Jonas Brothers concert in 2009! How could you describe your music? My music is a blend of dark pop, R&B, EDM, and alternative genres. It features moody trap beats, ethereal melodies, and introspective lyrics that explore themes of love, loss, and personal growth. I aim to capture the cool winds of Toronto in my synths and highlight the intimidating presence of the nightlife in my beats. Describe your creative process. My creative process often begins with a moment of inspiration, usually in the evening when the city lights come alive. I start with a melody or lyrical phrase and build from there, layering synths and beats to create a mood that complements the lyrics. It's a blend of spontaneous creativity and regular refinement. [caption id="attachment_55614" align="alignnone" width="1333"] My creative process often begins with a moment of inspiration, usually in the evening when the city lights come alive[/caption] What is your main inspiration? My main inspiration comes from personal experiences and emotions. I find that the most impactful songs are those that come from a place of genuine feeling and reflection that make you sit back thinking: “damn, that was real.” What musician do you admire most and why? I admire BTS for their ability to blend genres, innovate musically, and convey deep emotional narratives. Their connection with their audience on a global scale and their artistry inspire me to push my own creative boundaries. Did your style evolve since the beginning of your career? Absolutely, my style has evolved significantly. Initially, I was really all over the place experimenting with different genres and sounds to find the voice that would be authentic to me. Over time and still continuously, I am refining my style and tones to speak myself through enchanting dark pop. Who do you see as your main competitor? I don't focus much on competition; instead, I see other artists as sources of inspiration and potential collaborators. Each artist has something unique to their story and how they choose to share it, so I believe there's an audience for everyone. Like all kinds of art, peoples’ tastes are so vast and fluid that I focus on developing a community for my own niche that embraces artist and fan overlap. What are your interests outside of music? Outside of music, I enjoy exploring new places around me, playing tennis, and hanging out with friends (my cats included). I love spending time outside, which helps me recharge and find new inspiration. I also have a keen interest in fashion, I’m working on adapting my merchandise line to become limited collections. If it wasn't a music career, what would you be doing? If I weren't pursuing a music career, I would likely be involved in a creative field such as acting or writing. Both allow for storytelling and personal expression, which are at the heart of my passions, and I have a background in acting which I did for years prior to transitioning to music. What is the biggest problem you have encountered in the journey of music? One of the biggest challenges has been balancing the creative side of music with the business aspects. Navigating the industry's demands and constant need for social media content creation can be overwhelming particularly if I’m really inspired in the studio and want to stay locked in to work on music. However, it also is a blessing since it allows me to expand my storytelling abilities through many different mediums. If you could change one thing in the music industry, what would it be? I would like to see more support and reliable resources for emerging artists. The industry can be difficult to navigate without proper guidance, and having access to genuine mentorship and platforms that promote new talent would make a significant difference.

https://open.spotify.com/artist/233FkFR2Fy2v0c3pn43lXO?si=IvaMuK6KSA2s60iEwdf-Lg Why did you choose this as the title of this project? "You Didn't Mean It" perfectly encapsulates the theme of the song—dealing with the aftermath of betrayal and finding strength in self-love. It speaks to the core message of transforming pain into empowerment. For me, it represents acceptance of the past though this doesn’t mean I always feel inner peace about the experience of the past. What are your plans for the coming months? In the coming months, I plan to release more music, continue engaging with my fans through social media, and perform live shows. I also have an animated lyric video for "You Didn't Mean It" coming out on June 7th and more exciting content planned for the summer. Do you have any artistic collaboration plans? Yes, I am currently collaborating with Toronto-based producer Jonathan Karkar on some of my favourite works yet! What message would you like to give to your fans? To my fans, I want to say thank you for your unwavering support. Your messages, presaves, reposts and encouragement mean the world to me. Always remember to live day by day, fall in love with your journey, and believe in the impossible. Your support helps me continue creating music that resonates and empowers.