#this movie came out before i was born and yet has some permanent mark on me

[baejax-the-great]

Someone asked me what I think Achilles' war cry sounds like and an early memory from my youth came to me:

[liquid-luck-00]

WonderBug

Angst Edition

Diana Prince (Wonder Woman) x Marinette Dupain-Cheng (Ladybug)

I am late. SO, so , so late but here it is

1: Soulmates @maribat-angst-fluff-april

My partner is the wonderful @thedragonbug

Ao3

Fuffy Edition

Soulmates exist, and Marinette hates hers. You see everyone is born with their half or part of a complete soul mark. The other parts would appear when you were closer to your soulmate and be permanent when they were close emotionally. For everyone, the appearance or 'drawing' of the mark was light and warm. But not for her, no her drawing was heavy and hot, like a hot knife digging into her arm.

Her parents knew this, and it was concerning, to know that their child was in pain because of their soulmate. Seeing as the marks were not supposed to be painful. Yet as there was no good reason given by medical and mark professionals, and the fact that her soulmate didn't stay near her for long there was nothing that they could do. They did tell her that few, this phenomenon affects one in a million people and she was just lucky enough to be one of them.

Over the years she grew used to the pain, but every time she did it would come back even stronger than the last. She slowly hated her mark and in turn her soulmate. Marinette would cover her mark, ignore it, even wish it away. All her soulmate did was bring her pain. Sure, it upped her pain tolerance, but it hurt her still.

When she turned fourteen, she became Ladybug. She then recognized that her mark was actually the wire of her yo-yo.

The first time Chat Noir claimed they were soulmates she broke down in tears. luckily for her he told her during patrol and not an attack.

"We aren't soulmates, Chat, and I'm glad we aren't." She nearly whispered.

"Why Bug?"

"Because I hate my soulmate, and I don’t want to ever hate you."

"Why would you hate your soulmate?" He seemed genuinely curious. But no one outside her parents knew, not a single person knew what happens to her.

"Because it hurts when they are close, it hurts so badly. The drawing is painful. I never want to meet the person who keeps hunting me." Tears formed in her eyes and Chat hugged her.

"I'm not your soulmate, then." She shook her head. "Good thing I'm your partner, and Plagg help me I am going to be your best friend. Got that Bugaboo?"

A half-hearted chuckle and a small smile escaped her. "Sounds good Kitty." The first person she has ever told, the person who was convinced that they were soulmates, cares for her, to help alleviate some of her pain.

The two became inseparable after that, to the point that most of Paris believed they were in a relationship.

When Nadia asked them about it during an interview, their reactions were memorable. Both all but gagged, turned to face each other, and then laughed almost falling out of the seats.

"I believe we have missed the joke." Nadia commented, worried, and confused.

"Why would I date my sister?"

"Sister?"

"Ladybug and I consider each other siblings in all but blood."

"Everything between us is simply platonic, not even close to romantic.” Ladybug answered after Chat.

“Then why would the whole of Paris believe you to be soulmates?” She may be good at hiding her pain, but the question must have made her react slightly, or Chat knew how sensitive the topic was to her.

“We aren’t soulmates, not the bonded ones that everyone thinks of.” He began. “We are the holders of the black cat and ladybug respectively because our souls resonate with the miraculous. Sure, they are two parts of a whole, but we are practically twins, two halves of coin. She is the sister I choose, she is my partner, and that is our relationship.”

“He’s completely right, now I think it’s time for us to start our patrol, BugOut!” Her smile now in place and their excuse to leave perfectly timed and respectful they made their exit.

They went on their patrol as normal, except just as they arrived at the Eiffel Tower to end the patrol. She was about to land on the platform when a searing pain flashed and radiating affecting her entire body blinding her momentarily. A single moment caused her to collapse on the tower landing, crumpling on the platform.

“LB!” Her breath came out in short bursts, she was clutching her upper arm eyes squeezed shut. This was the worst it has ever happened before, and she wanted it to end. As soon as the cause of pain came it disappeared. Leaving only the memory and a phantom pain.

"Just give me a minute." She slowly got her breathing under control, starting to get accustomed to the new level of pain.

"You weren't kidding that is the worst I’ve ever seen you hurt."

"Yeah not fun."

---

A month after that her mark burned again. This time during class. The teachers knew she would randomly stop due to pain, but they were told they were random migraines. To the point Mari would hold her head and rub her arm to sooth herself, while playing up a headache. Adrien stayed back after the class let out." You know you don't always need to put on a brave face Bugaboo."

Her attention snapped to him. "Well it's easier than constantly answering questions Kitty." She figured quickly.

Sure, they found out one another's identity, but that worked in their favor. After Tikki got sick, Fu started training Mari, and after a month Marinette was given guardianship. Fu still hasn’t lost his memories because Mari let Wayzz stay with him, for the time being, he eventually returns it to Mari in order to move on with his life, his memories fading gradually.

When Adrien got his hands on the grimoire, he of course showed it to Marinette.

“Kitty I know you don’t want to hear this, but I think your dad might be Hawkmoth.” This seemed to perfect for him to have without him being a villain.

“I know, but…”

“Adrien is there any motive anything that might be what he would wish for?”

“My mom. Dad closed himself off when she disappeared. I bet he would wish for her back.”

“Okay, so I’m going to be blunt okay.” He nodded. “So, if your mom is dead there isn’t anything that can be done without the wish, meaning at least one other person is dying.”

“So…”

“But if she is anything but.” She flipped through the grimoire recalling the studies she’s did with Fu. “There are ways we can find or even heal her.”

“This is all riding on an if.” He looked unsure as if this was too much to accept.

“Do you trust me?”

“If I didn’t, I would have turned tail and run a long time ago.”

“You dork.” She lightly shoved him, but he swayed dramatically.

“You two are close.” The new student in their class came up to them.

“Lila, right?”

“That’s right.” She answered sickly sweet, almost fake. “Are you two soulmates by any chance?”

“No.” Adrien answered. “Why?”

“You’re Adrien Agreste! Why would you be in public school?” She finally seemed to recognize.

“Let’s just say it’s a bit of rebellion.” He chuckled.

“We’re still on for video games, right?” She brought up to end the conversation seeing that Adrien was getting uncomfortable.

“Your winning streak is going down.” He announced.

“You want to join us, Lila?” She offered.

“Why?”

“Because your new and I want to get to know you.” Marinette answered honestly.

“Why?”

“Because we know you lied but still want to know you, the real you.” Adrien added.

“Why?” She asked suspiciously now.

“Question! Is it a felony to kidnap her to play video games, have snacks, get to know her, then let her go?”

“Well the kidnapping part is but if she goes willingly, I call that a hangout session.” Adrien mused.

“True, true.” She hummed. “So, what do you say, because now I am determined to get to know you.”

“Wh…”

“Kidnapping it is.” Adrien decided and grabbed the new girl’s wrist pulling her out of the library. Mari picking up their bags.

Lila herself wasn’t too bad once she started telling the truth, lying is a coping mechanism she created, because she is constantly moving schools, cities, and even countries. She is pretty interesting when she isn’t exaggerating. She was on a Hollywood movie set, but she was there on accident, she was looking for the bathroom in a restaurant and they were filming there that day. She did save a kitten on a tarmac once, but one it wasn’t Jagged Stones, it was a kitten who spooked out of their carrier and rushed down the stairs. Lila dove and caught it before it could leave the passenger unloading area to get the tram to the airport. (Some small airports unload passengers in a certain area of the tarmac and either shuttle them to the building or have a sectioned of walkway that is cleared for passengers, to walk back in only.)

After almost two hours Lila left for home when Adrien’s father called, and he was angry. Together she and Adrien ran back to the Agreste Mansion.

“Adrien!” Gabriel came out disheveled and slightly panicked. “And Miss Dupain-Cheng.” He slightly composed himself.

“Sorry I kept him.” She apologized. “He showed me this really cool book and you know how it is when inspiration hits.”

“Ah yes the inspiring fashion designer friend.” Adrien had walked up and handed his father the grimoire.

“It’s quite an interesting spell book.”

“You can read it?”

“Yes, I can. (Come on out little butterfly.)” Nooroo flew out from his hiding spot. “Hello kwamii of transmission and to you as well Hawkmoth.” She was calm deathly calm.

“How?!” Gabriel growled.

“Calm down. I have a question for you first. You want the jewels used by Ladybug and Chat Noir, why?”

“Would my answer change your plan of action to urn me into authorities and to the heroes?”

“My response may change, but you’ll have to answer to find out.”

“My wife wielder the peacock miraculous, it is broken, and she fell ill, and is in a comatose state.”

“Ah! So here is what is going to happen.” She took the grimoire from Gabriel and flipped over pages. “There is a way to revive her without resorting to using the wish.”

“How do you know this?”

She simply smiled. “You mind gathering these ingredients please Adrien?” She text him a list.

“Sure.”

“How do I know that this isn’t a ruse?”

“One I hate liars, and two because all magic has a cost, and this way is less than if you were to use the wish.”

“What do you mean cost?”

“Just like using your transformation wears on the kwamii, and the power affects your limit. Magic has its cost. The wish because it will always rewrite reality, the price is steep. Bringing back one life means you lose at minimum one other person from your life most likely more.”

“And this?”

“From what I understand. Everyone involved in the spell will have their energies deprecated so they will sleep for a day to a week.”

“Randomly?”

“No, the more people the less each person sleeps.”

“Here they are!” Adrien burst back in the room.

“Do you have the peacock miraculous?” Gabriel nodded. “Okay we’ll need that first, so lead the way to the kitchen.” Both men shuffled confused. “You do know where the kitchen is right?”

“Um well find it eventually.” Adrien chuckled. They were lucky and form it easily and Gabriel left while she and Adrien began to individually brew two separate potions. Adrien the more complex one for his mother’s revival. And she did the simpler one to fix the miraculous. Sue her Adrien is the better one in chemistry, sure he can’t cook to save himself, but he has a gift for chem, and Tikki help her she will teach him to cook. It’s practically edible chemistry, right?!

She took the Brock from Gabriel and fixed it, allowing Duusu out. “Okay so who is going to do this?”

“We will,” Adrien answered for himself and his Father, who nodded.

“Please let be help as well.” Miss Sancoeur offered.

Nooroo, Duusu, Tikki, and Plagg (they came out of hiding now) came to her. “We can help.”

She nodded and saw that Gabriel and Natalie were staring wide eyed between her and Adrien. She thought she heard Natalie say, ‘That explains so much’ but she isn’t sure.

Long story short they were able to wake up Emile, but she took back the peacock and butterfly, leaving Plagg with Adrien. Funnily enough the Agreste’s became a second family to her, once Gabriel finally grasped how to be a father. They told Paris that they had found Hawkmoth, but he would be tried by the order of Miraculous, meaning he would be stripped of the gem and his memories of the miraculous erased. It was a lie but Tikki told her that was what would have happened. There was some outcry, but they explained that they would have no recollection of it, and it wouldn’t make sense to try them.

The next few years of her life were blissfully normal, aside from the fact she had a contract under the Gabriel brand as the designer MDC, who was also endorsed by Style Queen. Chloe isn’t as bad as she puts on when she isn’t masking the hurt of being constantly ignored and bought by her parents.

- - -

It wasn’t until she was twenty-two and accompanying Adrien to a Wayne charity gala, one he didn’t want to go alone and two she was invited anyways, Chloe, Kagami, and Luka were also there on their own merits and invitations so they all stuck relatively together. Since arriving there Marinette was a constant pain, her arm burned and ached, but she forced herself to simply breathe and tried her hardest to push it out of her mind. But her luck wouldn’t hold, three hours into the event she was approached by who she recognized as Bruce Wayne, the host of the gala, and a woman to his left, the pain was almost unbearable the closer the two approached. Her friends noticed, they knew what her pain actually meant, as she opened up to them about it after a while, but she grit her teeth and tried to push through it.

“Mr. Agreste, Miss Bourgeois It is good to see you both again.” Bruce Wayne acknowledged. “It’s nice to meet all of you as well, Bruce Wayne.” He introduced to the rest, shaking hands. “And this is a good friend of mine.”

“Diana Prince.” She also went to shake everyone’s hands and had left Marinette for the last. The moment their hands touched she almost crumpled, she shrunk back and into Adrien and Chloe. “Is she okay?”

“Diana?” Bruce pointed towards her upper arm, the mark most of them overlooked before was now complete and glowing lightly. What Marinette remembered was that there was her yo-yo string and a golden rope that she only saw once before on her own arm. She felt sick, Diana was staring at her now, she recognized that Marinette was her soulmate.

“Melody?” Luka now stepped up.

“I want to leave.” She answered flatly.

“You are…”

She completely turned away, but by now her friends knew what was going on and were glaring at Diana. “I want to leave, now.” She repeated.

“Come on bug, let’s get you away from… this.” He threw a look at Diana, who was looking confused and seemingly alarmed.

The other three were putting as much space as they could between their friend and who is unknowingly causing her pain.

“Please is she alright?” Diana asked stepping forward barely grazing her hand covering her mark. This time it felt as if the skin itself was burning and stung almost like it was being pricked over and over and over again.

“Don’t touch me and stay away from me.” On the outside she looks clam and relaxed, but her voice was soft and raw, her eyes burned in pain. “You and that completed mark can stay far from me.”

“Luka, Kagami mind taking her back to the house?” The two in question led her away and once a safe distance away she broke down in tears, sobbing from the pain she was biting down.

- - -

The two that stayed were simultaneously glaring at her and watching their friends leave the gala.

“Is she alright?” Bruce finally bole the tension.

“As soon as she is far enough away from her.” The girl, Chloe, snapped at her. “Now that we know who is the the person causing her pain, we can keep her from them.” She snapped towards her, but it was a slap to Diana.

“I don’t follow. We are…”

“Soulmates, yeah we figured.” Adrien this time spoke.

“They why would she want to leave, without speaking?”

“One one in a million people are in pain when they are close to their soulmates.” Adrien spoke calmly but stoically. “No one knows why.” He began to fidget with a ring on hi# finger, she couldn’t recall if she saw any jewelry on her soulmate, Marinette, but she has a suspicion. After all she feels similar to her Mother’s aura and presence, that of a Ladybug.

“You are wrong. There is an explanation, but only a few know why that is.” She feels certain that she knows what this is.

“Let me guess you know why.” Chloe remarked, sarcastically and unamused.

“Allow me to explain this another time and place, as this is neither.”

“Fine call this number at noon est tomorrow.” Adrien handed her a phone number and the two turned and left.

“Diana?” Bruce snapped her attention. “What was that about?” He was still calm and collected but she knew he would be the one to ask, figuring out what was the next step, what had the best options of success.

“Magic.”

- - -

The next day she called the number and she was invited to a video call by the recipient. It turned out to be Marinette.

“Hello Diana.” Her voice was not cold but it was emotionless, as if she was forced into this conversation. Granted she did think she would be speaking with Adrien and Chloe.

“I never wanted to harm you, I swear that on the river Styx.” she began but before she could continue Marinette cut in.

“Let’s be clear, I don’t care about your apologies. I just want to know why this is happening and how to either get rid of it or to never have contact with you in any way or proximity.”

“I am apologizing because this is known as the curse of the ladybug and black cat.” She saw the young woman tense at that. “The reason I know of this is from by Mother, Queen Hippolyta Of the Amazon’s.” She allowed that to sink in and the other woman allowed her to drop her defense, nodding to what is said.

“When you say the curse of the ladybug and black cat what do you mean by that?”

“True souls of the miraculous, when in their life they come into contract with their given gems, cause a reaction.” Diana explained. “For the ladybug they receive the pain of their soulmate through their marks. Which is what I assume is going on.”

“Yes you’re right, but this has been going ever since I could remember.”

“Call it what you will fate, destiny, but you were always going to wield the ladybug jewel, that is why the curse manifested itself.”

“What about the black cat?”

“I am unsure, the black cat of my Mother’s time died before meeting their soulmate, but I would assume it would be similar to our situation.”

“Then how do we solve this?”

~~~~~~~~~~

Permanent Taglist: @itsmeevie01 @adrestar @miraculouspenta @vixen-uchiha @animegirlweeb @jumpingjoy82 @thedragonbug@astoriaandroses @icerosecrystal @t1dwarrior-of-earth @moon5606 @zalladane

[lesbian-deadpool]

Take A Slice

Part Five: The Tape

Natasha Romanoff x Reader

Words: 1,208

Warnings: Smut and 18+ content (Daddy kink, filming sex, strap-on, some dirty talk ig), drama, alludes to blackmail.

Summary: Sometimes you regretted your decisions. This was one of those times. You could just tell.

A/N: Smut and 18+ content is marked with --- at the beginning and end. Bold and italics = Text Messages.

Ko-Fi

18+ ONLY.

(Not My GIF)

***

It had been around four months since your discussion with Natasha. And things were going great.

Better than great, in fact.

You had gone from being together, to you now having a girlfriend.

It was a strange transition for you, you won't lie. From not knowing what that kind of affection truly felt like, to being thrust into such a caring relationship with a stunning woman, who had a sex drive that could rival Zeus'. Granted, she was your Professor. But it wasn't like she was giving you 'A's for a particularly good orgasm. In all honesty, you were lucky if you could even get a 'B', in her class.

And yet.

Even with how perfect, it seemed to be.

You still couldn't help but wonder what you were going to do to fuck it all up.

But right now, you couldn't think about that.

You had much more important things to be focusing on.

---

"That's it, baby," you husked, "Smile for the camera."

A soft, open-mouthed smile shone on Natasha’s face. Her chest, rising and falling, with her breathlessness. Before the smile dropped, and she moaned instead.

Her tits were bouncing as you fucked deep into her. Hair a mess and hands holding your ribs.

"I wanna ride you."

"You think you can handle that?" you teased her cockily.

Natasha cried out. If you weren't so in tune with her by now, you would have had half a mind to think that it was painful. Her head nodded quickly- Despereatily.

"Okay. If you think you can."

Now laying upon your back on her soft bed, you greedily drank in the sight of her sinking down onto the strap attached to your hips. And she didn't take it slow, either. She sat on that thing as if, if she didn't have it inside her, right at that moment, she would just combust.

The moan that poured from her swollen lips was deep and nothing short of sexy.

"Oh, that's it," you husked, "You gonna make yourself come like that, honey?"

"Yeah," Natasha whispered, leaning down to press her lips against yours. Before repeatedly moaning into your mouth when she started rocking her hips against yours.

You continued to film. It was your idea after all, so why wouldn't you?

As she threw her head back, hands resting on your chest. The filthy, wet slapping sounds flowing into the speakers, letting your phone pick up everything. Including the groan you made when Natasha's hands moved up to fondle at her perky breasts, now rotating her core against your hips, as she intensely eye fucked the camera.

"Y'know. If teaching ever falls through for you, Porn is definitely an option."

She laughed at you. Then her gasp came, "Oh God, I'm close."

Meeting each and every one of her thrusts, you helped her reach her screaming high.

Not once, but twice.

It felt like she had just run a mile, when she flopped down onto your chest, panting against the sweaty skin.

"Jesus Christ. You're amazing."

"Tell me something I don't know." You smirked.

Your only reply being a light slap to your chest, both of you awaiting your next round.

---

***

It was Saturday. Which mean you spent the night at Natasha's place, after "date night". Which almost always consisted of making -or ordering- dinner and watching a few movies, before retreating to bed. More often than not, to continue the night, in the most pleasurable of ways.

There was a pep in your step as you walked to your car, pizza in hand. When you felt the telltale vibration of your phone in your pocket.

You had gotten a text.

From an unknown number.

Which read.

Have you seen her?

Confused by the semi-cryptic message, with your eyebrows scrunched slightly, you replied.

I think you've got the wrong number.

I've got the right number.

This only further confused you.

I really don't think you do.

Y/N Y/L/N.

How the fuck do you know my name? Who gave you this number?

You should block them.

You'd be an idiot not too.

No longer moving, you stood on the sidewalk, your car just in front of you. All the while, staring intently at your phone, waiting to see if another message came through.

That's not important, right now.

You were in the midst of typing out your reply of, 'like hell it is!'. But before you could even finish writing it, another message from the anonymous person came through.

But what is important, is if you've seen her.

Yelling sounded in the back of your brain, only growing louder as these texts went along. Telling you to "BLOCK THEM!" Like what has already been stated, you would have to be an idiot not too.

Seen who?

Yeah.

You were an idiot.

Big time.

Miss Natasha Romanoff.

It felt like your entire world dropped, a cold sweat beginning to break out across your skin. You could feel your heart beating in you now sickly stomach. And yet. You never dropped the pizza.

Then, rationality came back to you.

She was a teacher.

A very attractive and popular teacher at that.

This was probably just some creepy student in her class or one that fancied her. Or both.

Yeah? You asked them, I'm in her Psych class, of course, I've seen her.

No.

I mean, have you seen her?

And then they sent a clip.

You dreaded opening it. But all the same, you opened it, after a few seconds.

If you had thought that your would had fallen apart before, it was nothing compared to how you felt now.

Thank God, your phone was still connected to your ear-phones.

Loud moans flowed into your brain as your jaw dropped, unable to rip your eyes from the screen.

---

There she was. Your Professor. Your Girlfriend. Tits bouncing as her eyes rolled into the back of her skull. Getting fucked, like it was the thing she was born to do.

You almost thought it was something else. Until your voice played in your ears.

"God, you're such a little slut. What are you?"

"Oh," she cried, "I'm daddy's little slut!"

---

Then it ends.

And you're greeted horribly by another message from the mystery person.

That was just a teaser.

Anger flowed through you.

No.

No.

Not anger.

This was so much more than anger. This was rage. Curated from forged flames, and directed at one person.

Deciding to skip past all this bullshit texting, you called the person who somehow managed to get ahold of your privacy. Your girlfriend's privacy.

It went straight to voice mail.

Which only angered you more. You could practically feel the steam coming off of you, rivalling the smoke coming from the BBQ a few houses away.

Now's not a good time. I'm in class.

One that I don't have to fuck my teacher to pass.

You're gonna be in a fucking hospital when I get my hands on you. Now. WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?! AND HOW DID YOU GET THAT?!

Now, now, Y/N. Is that any way to talk to the man with such information?

Are you fucking blackmailing me?

Your jaw ticked as you awaited their reply.

Only time will tell.

***

Take A Slice Tag List: 

@wannabe-fic-writer​, @ohfuckno​, @uglipotata72829​

Permanent Tag List: 

@imnotasuperhero, @veteranwerewolf95, @natasha-danvers, @marvelfansince08love, @higherfurther-romanova, @lesbian-x-blackwidow, @sestra-inestro, @thelastavenger-3000

[jeongyunhoed]

8 Stories, 8 Movies from the Golden Age (1930s to 1960s).

It’s the golden age and 8 men are the most sought-after actors in Hollywood. Lights, camera, action!

A tale of love and suspense, Park Seonghwa is haunted by the memory of his deceased wife, a shadow looming over the halls of his mansion. When he marries again, his new wife now comes to realize that even in death, his wife still remains.

Daphne

Warnings: Mentions of murder, death, suicide, and illness. Might have some innuendos, might not. But I’m putting these warnings out there regardless.

Other things to note: There are OCs. I might mention other idols (most likely NCT).

A/N: This has the same format as my Twilight Zone AU “The Other Dimension” where everyone in Ateez is here as well. So yeah, enjoy. Implied smut ahead...sort of, if you squint. But creepy San ahead. 

Masterlist

Part 2 

There she was, standing next to Seonghwa in front of a local justice in the nearest village by the sea later that day. A bouquet of small flowers in her hand, given to her by the children they passed by one moment, Seonghwa buying the rings that would make their relationship officially permanent in the local jewelry shop the next. She figured Seonghwa must have already been planning for this moment since he went to sleep days since their meeting, but she had never felt more certain. After exchanging I do’s with each other, the justice had made them official. She was now Mrs. Park Seonghwa. 

“How do you feel? Regret it yet?” Seonghwa asked her on their drive back to their hotel. 

“On the contrary, I feel like I’m on the clouds” She replied, reaching for his free hand and he kissed the back of hers. “Like I can do anything!” 

Seonghwa smiled, keeping his eyes on the road as he drove them back to the hotel where they now stayed together. They pulled up the driveway and hurried up to the suite where he brought her across the threshold, the two of them exchanging soft kisses that eventually turned into something more passionate. They consummated their marriage that evening and into the early hours of the morning. 

The following month, they were on their way to the Fontaine, the road curved and full of twists and turns that she had to grip the armrest of the car. The wind was hitting their faces and blowing in her hair, and she still felt like she was on cloud nine. They stopped in front of iron gates, with an arch over them that said “Fontaine” marking the path towards the house she had only seen on postcards. 

The path before them was lined with trees and shrubs that looked like they were in need cleaning up, and the blissful mood was met with a more somber one, a feeling of dread washing over her the closer they were getting. She could see the slight change in her husband’s expression the further they went. The loud rumbling of thunder echoed in the skies followed by rain and she put her jacket over her head to cover herself, Seonghwa unable to do the same as he stepped on the gas a little more. 

And there it was, the massive estate that she had only seen in pictures. The Fontaine was a large, white mansion that looked almost like a castle, and there were several other smaller houses that surrounded it. She figured it was the servants’ quarters as well as the garages that probably housed six or seven more cars like the one they were riding in. From the side, she could see that there was a swimming pool. This was Seonghwa’s home, the house he was born and raised in, and the home that the two of them were to live in. It was almost like an heirloom knowing how many generations of his family must’ve resided in the mansion. It was massive, it looked beautiful, straight out of a fairy tale, yet there was something about it that made her anxious. 

They pulled up into the driveway and entered the house, pushing open the doors that led them into the great hall. The lights were dimmed down, with the lamps and the fireplace being the only sources of light. There was a small crowd of the Fontaine’s staff gathered in front to receive them, all of whom looked very pleased, yet she was nervous to approach them. The closer they were, they saw one man, dressed a little differently from the rest of the staff, emerge from the crowd. He had upturned eyes, angular features, and hair that was just as black as Seonghwa’s. He had a stern look about his face and if she let her emotions get the better of her, she would’ve stepped back before approaching him. 

“Hello” She said quietly, dropping her glove, and he bent down to pick it up and gave it back to her. 

“This is Mr. Choi San, or San if you want to get down to more casual terms. He pretty much oversees everything here so you don’t have to,” Seonghwa introduced them. 

“Good evening,” She greeted him again. 

“Good evening, Madam,” He replied with a slight bow. “I have everything ready for you.” 

“Oh, well, that’s very good of you,” She said with a nod. His face betrayed nothing. 

“Will you be going to your room now? Or will you be having tea in the library?” He asked. 

She was still trying to find the words. He gave off a very intimidating aura. “I-well-” 

“The room first, San,” Seonghwa spoke. “Show her to her room so she can get out of her wet clothes, we ran into a storm on the way,” He said, and kissed her on the cheek. 

“This way, Madam,” He turned on his heel to lead the way and she followed him towards the two large marble staircases and up the right staircase and down to the only other door. There were portraits of Seonghwa’s family hung over the walls. San pushed the door open, revealing the room that she would be using from now on. “I hope you will approve of the new decorations in these rooms, Madam,” he said. 

She walked inside, in awe of what the room looked like. It had a large four-poster bed with a red velvet canopy. The ceiling was high and had a chandelier, and there were shelves full of books and a dresser in the corner as well as a large, white gold desk. Everything looked extremely opulent, yet she knew it was to be expected as it was the Fontaine and Seonghwa’s family was a very prominent one. “I-I didn’t know these were changed, what did it look like before?” She asked curiously. 

“It had different hangings, old paper,” San replied. “This room wasn’t used much, except for the occasional guests.” 

“So this wasn’t Mr. Park’s room, originally?” She asked this time. 

“No Madam,” San said. “He has never used the East Wing before. The West Wing has the only good view of the ocean.” 

She nodded, taking in the rest of her surroundings. “This room is very beautiful, and I’m sure I’ll be comfortable.” 

San gave a nod. “If there’s anything you want done, Madam, you only need to tell me.” 

“I guess you’ve been at the Fontaine for years now,” She said. 

“I came here when the first Mrs. Park was a bride,” San replied. 

She nodded again in understanding. “I hope we’ll get along, Mr. Choi, I just have to ask that you be patient with me, this kind of life is new to me and I want to do well here and make Mr. Park happy. At least I now know I can leave all the household arrangements to you,” She said. 

“I hope I shall do everything to your satisfaction Madam,” San said. “I’ve managed the house since Mrs. Park’s death, and Mr. Park has never complained.” 

“In that case,” She looked around. “I guess I could go downstairs now, maybe changing out of these clothes can wait, I want to see more of the Fontaine first.” 

“Of course, Madam,” San turned on his heel again, and she hurried to follow him. She could tell he didn’t exactly like her, but she figured it was because they had never met. Maybe he could warm up to her in time. “The room in the West Wing I was telling you about is on that side,” He gestured to the other room across them. “It’s not used now, it’s also the most beautiful room in the house - the only one that looks across the lawns to the sea. It was Mrs. Park’s room.” 

~ 

It became more apparent just how much San didn’t like her over the next few weeks. He never failed to mention how there had been another woman before her, the first Mrs. Park, the beautiful Daphne Yoo who was supposedly practically perfect in every way. It was clear how much of an influence Daphne had over the staff and understandably so, but even until now, until after her death, her influence remained. Her stationery on the main desk in the study, a letter “D” embellished on the linens, on the books, including the dog she used to own, a great dane named Lucky, who also slept outside her room. 

Even after her death, Daphne was all around the Fontaine, as if she had never left. 

She came down from her room for breakfast, knowing that San had already prepared everything in the dining hall until she skidded to a halt when she saw someone else in the study. It was a man, who looked a lot shorter than both San and Seonghwa, but unlike San, had a more approachable demeanor aside from an evidently handsome face. “Oh, good morning!” He greeted her, getting up from the chair. 

“Good morning” She said, bowing a little in response. 

“You’re Mrs. Park, aren’t you?” He said. 

“Yes, yes I am,” She nodded. 

“My name is Hongjoong, Kim Hongjoong, I manage the estate for Seonghwa. It’s very nice to meet you,” He smiled. 

“It’s nice to meet you too.” 

“A lot of stuff has piled up since Seonghwa was away, I had to get to them right away now,” Hongjoong said. 

“If you need help, you can tell me,” She suggested. 

“Help him?” Seonghwa suddenly appeared from behind her, wrapping an arm around her waist. “Hongjoong doesn’t allow anyone to help him,” He said, beaming as he held her close for a moment before pulling away. “But it’s good that you two have finally met, we should probably go over the estimates now, don’t we?” 

“I’ll get my papers then,” Hongjoong replied, walking over to a chair that had his briefcase. 

Seonghwa turned to her. “There’s a lot of food prepared in the dining room already. Eat a lot, hmm?” He said, pecking her lips with a smile. 

“I’ll do my best,” She said. 

“Later this afternoon, probably, why don’t we take a walk around here? Just you and me, there’s still a lot you have yet to see” Seonghwa smiled. 

She smiled back. “Okay, I’ll be ready.” 

“Good,” He pecked her lips again before joining Hongjoong over to the desk. 

She watched the two of them talk for a moment until she excused herself to leave and enter the dining room. As she had expected, the long table was now laden with a lot of food, from slices of toast to large, silver, pots of coffee that was served in cups that were likely passed down from one generation to another. This was her life now, living in an estate like the Fontaine by the sea, while her husband was often busy with work but promised to make time for her later. It was moments like these that assured her that she belonged here, in the Fontaine, with Seonghwa. 

~ 

As Seonghwa had promised, they were taking a walk around the Fontaine later that afternoon, with Lucky on a leash. He showed her the servants’ quarters that seemed to be as elaborate as the main house, as well as the garage that had his family’s collection of cars, some of which were especially rare models nowadays. A gust of cold wind from the sea hit them, and Seonghwa was almost losing control of Lucky’s leash, as the dog was beginning to get restless. 

“Keep warm, my darling,” Seonghwa said to her while he tried to maintain control of the dog’s leash. 

“I’m trying. It’s not going to rain now, is it?” She asked, trying to help him with the dog and taking the leash from him instead. 

“You can’t be too careful,” Seonghwa replied. 

“It’s really wonderful here,” She said. “I love every bit of this place.” 

The dog had gotten away, making her nearly fall over and Seonghwa catching her for support. “Lucky!” He called out with a whistle. “Lucky! Here! Not that way! Lucky, come back!” 

“He went down those steps by the cliff, where does that lead?” She asked, watching the dog move down. 

“It uh,” Seonghwa paused, trying to whistle again to get the dog’s attention. “It leads to a cove where we used to keep a boat.” 

“Then let’s go down there, Seonghwa,” She said, tugging on his arm. 

“Oh no, no, we don’t need to go down there, it’s not very interesting, just a stretch of sand.” 

“Seonghwa, please, we have to go down there,” She insisted. 

He shook his head slightly. “We’ll go down there next time, not today.” 

They heard a howling from where the dog came from. She tugged on his arm again. “Seonghwa, is that Lucky? There must be something wrong, he probably injured himself.” 

“No, he’s fine. Just leave him be,” He replied. 

“I really think I should go down there and check up on him,” She said, pulling away, carefully moving towards the steps to the sound of Lucky’s howling. 

“Come back! Don’t mind Lucky!” Seonghwa was calling out. “He’s just fine, he knows the way home!” 

Even then, she couldn’t leave the dog behind. What if Lucky really was in danger? At least she would be there to see if he was alright. “Lucky? Lucky?” She called out the closer she got, until she saw the dog in front of what looked like a small cottage. Lucky was scraping and pawing at the door. “Lucky? What are you doing here? Are you looking for something in there?” She said, grabbing the end of the leash again. “Come on, let’s go back, Lucky.” 

The door of the cottage slowly opened, and behind it was an old man, looking down at the dog. “He comes here looking for her,” He said. 

She stepped back in surprise at the sight of him. “Oh! I didn’t-I didn’t know this was occupied-” 

“I know that dog,” The old man said. “He comes from the house, he’s not yours.” 

“No,” She shook her head. “He’s Mr. Park’s dog.” 

“I know that dog, he comes here looking for her,” The old man said again. 

“Who? Whose cottage is this?” She asked. 

“Mrs. Park,” The old man replied. 

“Oh,” She said, and turned back to the dog, tugging on the leash. “Come on, Lucky, let’s go home,” and the dog whimpered a little. 

“You won’t tell anyone you saw me in here, will you?” The old man suddenly asked. 

“You mean you don’t belong here in the Fontaine?” She asked. 

“Yes, but I wasn’t doing anything bad, I was just putting away the shells I collected,” The man replied. “She’s gone in the sea, isn’t she? She’s not coming back.” 

“No,” She shook her head. “She’s never coming back. Come on, Lucky, let’s go home,” She tugged on the leash again, leading the way back to where Seonghwa was. The closer they got, the more she saw Seonghwa already on his way back to the house and she hurried up the steps and towards him. “Seonghwa! Seonghwa! Wait!” She said, the dog now following behind her. Seonghwa stopped to wait for her and she had already sensed that his mood had changed. “I’m so sorry it took a while.” 

“I told you not to go there, you knew I didn’t want you to go there, but you went anyway,” Seonghwa muttered. 

“But why not? There was only a cottage down there, and a strange man-” 

“Don’t go back there again, do you understand?” Seonghwa was stern this time. 

“Why not?” She asked. 

“Because I hate the place!” Seonghwa snapped. “If you had my memories, you wouldn’t go there or talk about it or think about it!” 

“What’s wrong? Oh I’m so sorry, Seonghwa-” 

He sighed and looked down, apologetic as he calmed down and shook his head. “We should’ve stayed away from this place,” He said. “We should never have come back to the Fontaine, it was stupid of me to even think of coming back here.” 

She stepped closer. “Somehow I’ve made you upset, haven’t I?” She asked. “Oh, I can’t stand seeing you like this, I love you very much, Seonghwa, so, so much,” She said, her eyes welling with tears. 

He cupped her cheek. “I’ve made you cry, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” He said softly, wiping the tear that fell down her face. “I tend to snap unnecessarily, haven’t I?” Seonghwa sighed and kissed her. “Please forgive me, let’s go home, shall we? We’ll have tea and forget this happened.” 

She nodded. “Yes, I’d like nothing more.” 

~ 

They didn’t return down the path that led to the cottage, and she now knew how upset Seonghwa had gotten knowing that she went there. She had accidentally opened up the past to him, and even if he kept assuring her for a week on how things are fine, there now seemed to be a barrier between them. It was that barrier that made her a little uneasy whenever she brought up the sea. She entered the library to get a book to read, where Hongjoong was, going over piles of papers. 

“Please carry on, Mrs. Park, you’re not disturbing me,” He assured her with a smile. “Let me know if there’s something you’d like to know about the estate.” 

She turned around to face him. “Oh, well, I was-I was down at the cottage last week, and the place seems to be nearly in ruins, in need of repair or something,” She wondered if she could ask it. “Are all those things in there, Daphne’s things?” 

Hongjoong nodded. “Yes, yes those are all Daphne’s things inside that cottage.” 

“What did she use the cottage for?” She was becoming more curious, and Hongjoong was the only one she felt who could tell her. 

“The boat used to be parked there,” He replied. 

“The boat?” Her eyes widened slightly at the revelation. “Oh, that was the boat that she was sailing in when she drowned?” 

“Yes, it capsized and sank and she went overboard,” He answered. 

“Where did they find her?” She asked. 

“Around 60 kilometers away, washed up at another beach, they only found her two months later,” Hongjoong’s tone was a lot more somber now. “Seonghwa had to go to identify her, it was horrible for him.” 

She nodded. “I can imagine so,” She looked down at the book she took out from the shelf. “Hongjoong? Mr. Kim? Please forgive me for being a little too curious but, can you tell me just one more thing?” She asked carefully. 

“Of course, Mrs. Park,” He said with a slight nod. “If I can answer it, please let me know.” 

“Tell me,” She paused, unsure if she wanted to know, yet a part of her wanted to. “What was Daphne really like?” 

Hongjoong sat up, a small sigh escaping his lips as he tried to recall his memories of seeing her. “I guess she was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen,” He said. 

~

Hongjoong and Seonghwa went up to the capital to take care of business another week later, leaving her alone at the Fontaine. It made her realize how the estate still had much to show her the more she wandered around the halls, stopping to look at portraits and photos of Seonghwa and his family. Knowing that he wouldn’t be back until the next day, she took it upon herself to tour the mansion some more, but always stopping short when she reached Daphne’s room, but as day turned into night, she heard voices coming from the West Wing, near her room. One, she knew was San, and the other was of a stranger. 

“I don’t think it wise for you to be back here, Mr. Wooyoung,” He said. 

“Oh, nonsense, it’s just like coming back home,” The other voice said. “I have to say though, I feel like the poor relative, sneaking through back doors. Oh well, bye, Sannie.” 

“Goodbye, Wooyoung, and be careful,” San replied. 

“I will, don’t you worry about a thing,” He said. 

She opened the door, making them look at her. The man who was about to leave through the other door had a grin on his face, while San remained stoic. “Oh, hello,” He said, just as cheerily as she had overheard him. 

“Good evening,” She greeted back. 

“Sannie, your precautions seem to be futile now, the mistress of the house was hiding behind the door after all,” He said, patting San on the shoulder a little too hard. 

“I-I wasn’t really,’ She shook her head. “I just heard voices coming from this room-” 

“Sannie, how about you introduce me to the bride, hmm?” He patted San again. 

“Madam, this is Mr. Jung Wooyoung,” He introduced them, and they bowed to each other in response. 

“Won’t you stay and have some tea? San can probably bring in some for you,” She said. 

Wooyoung chuckled. “That’s a charming invitation. How about that, Sannie? I’ve been asked by the mistress of the house to have some tea.” 

“It’s rather late, Mr. Wooyoung,” He said. 

“Oh, well, you’re right, it is rather late,” Wooyoung said. “And we wouldn’t want to lead the bride astray, now would we? Well, bye now, Oh, Sannie seemed to leave out an important part of our introductions, I’m Daphne’s favorite cousin,” He revealed. “Bye!” He waved before leaving, and she watched him go down the stairs, San following him. 

She turned around as soon as Wooyoung was no longer in sight, and there it was. The door to Daphne’s room. She had long wondered if she should open it and see what was in there, yet a part of her didn’t want her to and only for her to leave it alone. But San wasn’t around, no one else was around, and her curiosity was becoming stronger the closer she got to the door of Daphne’s room. Without another thought, she turned the doorknob and pushed it open. 

She didn’t know what she was expecting, perhaps furniture all covered up in white sheets, dust gathering in the nooks and crannies, cobwebs splayed over some other furniture. Yet it was the opposite. There were fresh flowers in the vase on one table, a silk dressing gown on the chair all laid out along with slippers. She could hear the waves crashing in the sea, and smell the sea air coming in through the curtains. 

The door closed behind her all of a sudden, making her jump and turn around, feeling her heart almost jump out of her chest in surprise. It was San. “Would you like anything, Madam?” He asked. 

“No, no,” She was trying to shake off the feeling from earlier. “I was-I mean, I just came in-” 

San walked up towards her. “You’ve always been curious about this room, haven’t you? Why didn’t you ask me to show you? It’s a beautiful room, isn’t it? The most beautiful room in this house if I do say so myself,” There was something about the way he said it that made her feel so uneasy. “Everything is kept just the way Mrs. Park liked it, and nothing has been changed since that last night.” 

She was growing a little more uncomfortable the more he went on about Daphne, and he walked past the sheer curtains towards her dressing area and opened the door. “This is where I kept her clothes. You’d want to see them, wouldn’t you?” He said, taking out one piece of clothing. “Feel this wrap, it’s very soft, isn’t it? It was a Christmas present from Mr. Park. He was always giving her expensive gifts,” 

She reached out to feel the material. It was incredibly soft. “You wouldn’t think she’d have been gone for a long time, would you?” A chill ran down her spine at his words. “Sometimes when I walk along the corridors, I think I can hear her behind me, her footsteps quick and light, I could figure out that it was her. It’s not only in this room, it’s in all the rooms in this house,” San put away the wrap and closed the door, approaching her this time, but she backed away. 

“I can almost hear it now,” He said, in an almost-whisper as he closed his eyes. “Do you believe  the dead come back and watch the living?” 

She felt goosebumps at his question and backed away some more. “No, no, I don’t believe it, Mr. Choi.” 

“Sometimes, I wonder if she doesn’t come back to the Fontaine, and watch you and Mr. Park together,” San took another step forward, making her step back. “You look tired, Madam, why don’t you stay here and rest? Listen to the sea, it’s very soothing,” He sounded cold. 

“I won’t listen, I won’t, I won’t,” She shook her head, covering her ears in horror. 

[carrottuan93]

Haven’t met you yet| Mark

Masterlist (4/4)

Starring: MK x You

Tags: Mark Tuan, Fluff, Destiny, Waiting, Christmas, Bookworm, Nerd, Love, Fate

Total WC: 3075

An hour left before Christmas, Mark told you that he doesn’t believe in Santa Claus. He said he’d rather believe on the existence of aliens because he watched too much American movies about the extraterrestrial life. That sounded cool for you that you both share the same interest for the unknown life out there, but you don’t want to discredit Santa for giving you Mark to spend the Christmas eve with. He did not only hit the roof of your standards, but he exceeded them. He never cease to met all the bars for your ideal type and he’s never failed you so far with his vast array of knowledge of all the topics you guys are talking about in the past 2 hours. Guys for you are sexy if they can carry a proper conversation.

 “I swear to God if an alien comes out of nowhere, I’d let him take me and I’ll fly with him in a heartbeat.” You’re a whole lot better now that you’re sharing a lot of jokes and making fun of each other. Setting aside the world and the rest of the others. Just you, him and the wine under the starry sky.

 “Jesus, out of all the people in our planet, you chose to elope with someone from the outside world. In my case, I’d let them take me as long as they will show me how spaceships work so I could finally meet my childhood dream of becoming a space police, riding those cool ships and chasing bad aliens.” Your topic reached the outer space already but you’re now laying on the floor beside Mark, as you watch the open glass roof ceiling of the observatory with eyes wide awake.

 “What’s wrong with dating an alien? At least, I get to experience travelling to different galaxies and planets. So much for the trouble of chasing bad aliens for a living.” You snickered, earning his grumpy voice.

 “If you’re going to date alien, at least choose someone handsome.” He replied, placing both of his arms underneath his head.

 “I haven’t seen any handsome alien yet, I mean all the creatures that they show on tv are the ones with the big bald heads, oval shaped eyes, and lanky thin frames. I don’t think they’d fit the definition of handsome.” This is your first time watching under the stars on top of the freaking Namsan Tower observatory and you’re delighted to experience it on a Christmas day with Mark.

 “I am just right here beside you. I’m handsome since I was born, that’s already a given, I know. So just save yourself from the trouble of finding the alien guy of your dreams because Mark has come to save the unbothered princess from distress.” You don’t know if he’s still sober enough at this hour but you can tell that you aren’t drunk enough to be hearing this from him.

 “Handsome guy perks, a ticket to finding instant dates. Why do you even want to date me?” You turned to your side, facing him. You're curious and you want to get straight to the point.

 “Now that we’ve got to the topic of impressions, I think you’re quite interesting. That maybe you could make my Christmas eve a little less lonely, perhaps. Scratch that, maybe you could fit on all types of holidays and occasions. Maybe you’re a girl matched for all the seasons.” You felt giddy now that you’re facing each other, side to side, but still, you need to calm your high hopes for this guy.

 “If this is a date, I’m ditching you already.” You glanced at him quickly and was rewarded by his cute eye smile. Oh cupid, this is not fair play for showing up earlier than your scheduled season in February.

 “Why not? Am I not appealing to you? Come on. Try me." You watch his eyes examine your face, those hazelnut orbs are beautiful, and you want to train your eyes and treat them as their home. You never experienced staring at any guy for the longest time until tonight and all you can hear is the sound of him breathing, reciprocating your own rhythm. You aren’t aware that silence is actually too deafening when it’s the heart that does the talking. Those tall buildings appear smaller from a distant and they're glistening different hues and wavelength of bright lights, which are now witnesses to you finding love in the most unexpected way. But you don’t have the concrete definition of love because you haven’t felt it before. You just know and you can feel the unfamiliar zip of current travelling on your bloodstream. It’s just the two of you, and you’re under the supervision of the constellations in the open sky above, and it’s magical that you feel like these were the exact same stars that the first lovers saw on earth. How come it's too peaceful up there when you lay next to him? It’s a perfect moment for your exhausted soul to recover from your endless pursuits and maybe this is your fate taking its move. You are no daredevil to begin with and chasing ecstasy aren’t your cup of tea because you’re always craving for assurances in all the right places. But Mark is your risk and guarantee, all at once.

 It is really tiring to find something when you don’t even know what you’re searching for in the first place. One thing is for sure, you haven't met anyone so random and fascinating like him. He's unique, overflowing with charms and maybe a box full of surprises for you to discover. Deep down, you've been wanting to get to know him more and you're aware that you're crossing oceans knowing that you’ll meet him on the other end. It is very unlike you to just casually lower your guard down for someone upon your first meeting but when it comes to Mark, everything seems to magically untangle in all the right places.

 “Because I’m beginning to think that I misplaced my heart somewhere when it is still right here, intact on my rib cage. It’s just that my heart feels foreign to me now that you’re slowly owning up most of the empty spaces in my atrium.” He smiled like a panacea of all earthly ills and his smile could heal the world.

 “I am no poet, but Paulo Cuelho once said ‘if it’s still in your mind, it is worth taking the risk’. I could see the thrill of chase, the first time I laid my eyes on you last night and you never left my mind ever since I got to talked to you tonight. Actually, I’ve met you already a long time ago. So you need to catch up with me and we all have the days on our feet to go on a lot of spontaneous pursuits, and you’ll make up for the lost time that you’re supposed to have known me already.” He’s too good with words and you’re drowning and drowning and you never wanna be saved. You’ve encountered almost all kinds of contracts on your work already and you always make sure to read the terms and agreements regardless of the number of pages but when it comes to Mark, you’d gladly sign the papers right away even with your eyes closed. But something doesn’t feel right with what he is saying.

 "First of all, I haven’t met you yet not until this evening.” Maybe it’s the wine that’s getting you drunk, hearing things and such.

 “You wouldn’t believe me if I tell you that you’re the reason why I traded my Christmas in the US for a night here with you in Seoul for a blind date. I might sound stupid, but you should thank Jackson for all the credits. He introduced you to me a year ago and I stopped attending parties ever since my cousin did all the marketing strategy and such. It’s crazy right? For all I care, I’m tired of all things temporary so I trust my cousin when he said that you’ll give the permanence that I’m searching for. I don’t really know, I’m a random guy and I told my mom I’m hopping on a 14 hour flight to Seoul on Christmas eve to meet this girl so I went here for risk’s sake. And my luck has never failed me when you come to my place last night, barging in like some kind of an annoyed girlfriend coming home from a party. Damn, you nearly broke my unit’s lock system. You can claim your stuff at my place later when we go home, and you owe me a ‘Thank you’ because I saved you from carelessly sleeping into someone else’s bed. I respected your drunken state and I slept on the floor, so you have nothing to worry about. I’m just surprised that you disappeared in the morning all of a sudden without even saying anything.” You sat on your place, unable to process everything that he just said. You realized you’re so done, the heavens above could just open up and take you already because there isn’t any influence of wine taking over your completely sober minds. Everything is real and happening and you’re overwhelmed, and you don’t know what to do anymore.

 “WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL ARE YOU EVEN TALKING ABOUT???!” You screamed to your shock, running all over the place like you killed somebody and you badly want to escape the room due to your embarrassment.

 “Wow, you even curse louder than I’ve imagined. It’s alright, Y/n. I’m fully aware that you love the scent of fabric conditioner because you can’t get enough of me last night. I can’t blame my parents for giving birth to myself. I left your stuff in my room, but I know I got something that you badly need right now.” He fished out your planner from the pocket of his coat, waving it like some kind of a show money in the air and you’d do what it takes to retrieve it back to your possession.

“Relax, I didn’t mean to interfere with your personal schedule, but I just saw a picture of pink roses at the back of your planner.” He gave you the planner and you hugged it like your world depended on it. He clapped his hands in the air and a guy came out of nowhere, carrying a bouquet of full-grown pink roses. It’s your first time receiving your favorite flowers from a guy and you feel like you don’t deserve Mark because he’s too good for you. Your eyes are now brimming in tears, knowing that God already gave the sign that you’re looking for. He’s standing right beside you and all you need to do is to take a leap, because it’ll be all or nothing.

 “Jackson, you’re so dead to me. He sold me even without my permission and now that you’re right here, I’m suing you as well because of the amount of emotional damaged you have caused to my system. Now I’ll never be the same again because you gave me an ocean when I’m only asking for some rain.” You’re crying because of happiness. He dried your tears and he hugged you, so tight, you never wanna let go of him anymore. He smells of fabric conditioner and you’re never going to shut up about it.

 "If only you can see yourself from my own perspective, you'd want to date yourself too. You sound scary whenever you want to sue someone because of something. First, it's my cousin Jackson and now you're suing me as well. That makes you interesting. A tough nut to crack. You're a challenge and I'm always up for the stakes of it. I'm not a perfect guy but we can save all the paralegal proceedings with just settling everything in our own terms, alright? I'm a man of my own words. I might be a pro player, but only in games for your reference, because I don't play with hearts, I win them. You just need to chill and worry about not falling too hard for me. Because I'm pretty sure, I'd beat you up to it." The man's got a way with his words. He's the definition of smooth and speed at the same time. But he's more than that. You like smart guys, you're attracted to their brains and you'll be placing all of your poker cards on the table for this sweet bounty.

 "I'm not sure if our personalities coincide or if our interests are compatible but I'm hoping that whatever it is, this mutual attraction tonight isn't just a one-time thing. Just so you know, Eunhee has given me enough stress with all the troublesome blind dates I've been to lately. All I’m asking is for you to be sincere and honest because once I let you in my life, you'll never be allowed to leave anymore." You glanced down on your fingertips, too afraid to enter a commitment, you feel like you're having a mini heart attack. You swear that Mark could really hear your heart pounding louder than ever.

 "Fate is really unpredictable. If you will ask, I'd rather believe in the existence of aliens more than Santa but what if he's really residing in the North Pole and he gave you to me as my Christmas present? I’m not going to run away because the chase is finally over. All you need to do is surrender yourself to me. No more buts, and what ifs. Only if you'll gonna agree to date me, my Dad will be really proud of raising a gambler just like him.” You could only wish for time to stop right there on your spot. You couldn’t ask for more, you began to doubt yourself if you really deserve all the good things that has come to your life. You wouldn’t want to wake up from this fantasy, but your eyes aren’t going to lie, there is love all over the place and you can see that it is real and happening this time.

 "I don't know much about you, but I would love for you to to bring me into another spontaneous trip of yours cause I'm absolutely up for more of your surprises." All you can ever hear is the sound of a loud bang with all the fireworks lightning up the sky in iridescent hues as you froze right on your spot, eyes wide open, when you felt his lips on yours in one swift chaste kiss. He's too gentle, you can feel his breath becoming one with yours. He pulled away and you both greeted each other a 'Merry Christmas' as a couple. That was your first kiss taken from you and it tasted sweeter than wine.

 “I want to let you know that I’m actually your secret Santa. I may have come to the party without bringing my gift, but I made sure to tag you here along with me so you could appreciate my gift in person. It's me, I'm the gift itself and I'm already yours, Y/n." Did he just show you an aegyo? Gosh, you almost melted with how cute he is. Mark must have been blessed with all the charms in the world. He showed you a piece of paper with your name written on it. You don’t believe in destiny until you brought out your own paper and saw his name written on it.

 “I didn't know if Eunhee and Jackson has something to do with this but I’m your Secret Santa too. If this isn't destiny, then I don't know what is. But you can have my heart for Christmas, and I hope you'd take care of it from now on.” You showed him his name written on the paper and everything became irrelevant all of a sudden. As if floating on a zero-gravity dimension, you felt like a lifeless feather on thin air but your heart is betraying you by falling too deep for this guy. He's a one chance in a lifetime, an answered prayer from your last lifetime and your sweet serendipity.

  "Now that everything went the way I wanted it to be, I'm up for another trip this New Year's eve, on your birthday." Just when you thought you've been blessed with so much this year, there are actually a lot more surprises to come.

 "Jackson has told you a looot about me, even my birthday, and I'm not going to be surprised about that. Anyways, what about the trip?". He reached for your hand and you felt delicate in his grasp. Too weak and too fragile but your heart is full and that's the only thing that matters.

 "My father is the CEO of TUAN RESIDENTIAL, a US based real estate developer which also means we are your firm's newest client. I know this is the craziest coincidence on top of everything, but I just discovered it this morning when I saw your planner and read the details about the meetings you've attended in the past week. I find out that you're actually part of the accounting firm that we hired. With that, I want to formally introduce their Vice President, Mark Tuan. We're acquiring a domestic corporation here in Seoul so we could expand our own line of business here in Korea. Trust me, this looks like a prank but I guess fate will really find a way for us to cross paths together no matter what. But we aren't talking about work here. Instead, are you ready for another surprise? I'm taking you with me in the US ahead of New Year’s Eve so you could meet my father and discuss a little about the liquidation proceedings. And of course, my mom would love to meet the reason why her son traveled to the other side of the world. She'll be glad that his eldest son will finally bring a girl in the house. So be prepared, Y/n, because we're leaving in the next 24 hours.”

  and all this time you thought 'why are people too patient when they are waiting?' Simply because you wouldn't want to come under prepared if love suddenly comes along your way when you least expect it.

    “WHAT THE HELL! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME, MARK??????”

   “Cool. I like girls who cuss a lot.”

[marveloussupernerd]

Omgomgomg! Um since requests are open, would you mind terribly if I request a sequel to the Jumin Han having an affair with MC while being married to Sarah one shot you did? Like what if MC got pregnant, and delivered Jumin's first borb son? How would they deal with the illegitimate heir who Jumin loves?

mad woman pt 2 - Jumin Han

Happy Jumin angst day I guess. Y’all in the requests are merciless... this one isn’t rlly all that bad, I plan on making more parts obvi bc the poor kid isn’t even born yet haha I got carried away

Summary: Jumin had to marry Sarah to save his company, but made it very clear to her that his heart belonged to you, and he would continue seeing you. You weren’t aware there would be permanent effects. There will probably be more parts lmfao

This couldn’t be possible. But it was. You were five pregnancy tests in, from three different companies. They were all on the counter in a line, plus signs and the word “pregnant” on every single one. You cried out in pain, sweeping your hand across the counter and knocking them onto the floor. You collapsed with them, leaning against the bathroom wall. How did this happen? Why did this happen? What would you do? You were sobbing. How would you tell Jumin? There had been rumors about the two of you but a child, especially one out of wedlock? His reputation would be ruined.

You weren’t answering your calls. Jumin was worried. He knew you hadn’t been feeling well for the past few days. He thanked God you had given him a key to your apartment and unlocked the door, searching for you. He called out your name, only to receive no response. You weren’t in the kitchen, or on the couch napping, or in bed absorbed in a book as you typically were. He was surprised to find you in the bathroom, slumped against the wall and fast asleep.

The bathroom was a mess; you always kept things tidy, so he was surprised. You had heavy tear marks on your cheeks. What had made you so upset? And then he saw what exactly was littering the floor. Tissues and... positive pregnancy tests. They were everywhere. He felt his heart skip a beat. You were carrying his child? It was everything he could have hoped for. But clearly it wasn’t what you had hoped for; he could tell from the tears.

He started to clean up, collecting the tissues and throwing them in the trash, gathering the tests and setting them on the counter. Finally, he focused his attention to you. He kneeled down and picked you up carefully, arms wrapped around your shoulders and the crook of your knees.

You stirred from the sudden change in position. Your eyes were heavy and hard to open. “Jumin?” You asked. You were exhausted.

“It’s okay,” he whispered. He set you down gently on your bed and took a seat next to you. He didn’t speak.

Your memories came flooding back to you. It wasn’t a dream, huh? You started crying again. “Jumin I’m sorry. I don’t know what we’re going to do.” You couldn’t stop crying. The more you though about the situation the more hopeless you felt.

He put a hand on your knee gently. “It’s a horrible set of circumstances,” he confessed, his voice level as always, “but please, try not to be so upset.” He paused, looking up at you from under his lashes. “You’re really pregnant? With my child?” There was a flash of a smile on his face.

“Yes,” you replied, laughing a little, despite the fact that you were still crying.

“Well this is great news.”

“No it’s not. This is horrible news, Jumin. What about your company? Sure your father slept around but he never had a child out of wedlock.” The words were rushing out of your mouth. You finally had the chance to voice your thoughts and you couldn’t stop them.

“I’ve told you this before and I’ll tell you again. I don’t care about any of that,” he smiled again, scooting up the bed so he could sit next to you. He grabbed your hand.

“I won’t let you do this to yourself.” You felt nauseous. “I told you I’m not worth it.”

“And I’ve convinced you otherwise.” He stopped again. He looked thoughtful. “Unless... this isn’t what you want. Do you not want to have this child?” His eyes glistened, his face fell. “It is completely you’re decision. It’s your body after all.”

“No, of course I want to have the baby.” You leaned your head against his shoulder. “I just don’t know how we’ll do it. We can’t tell anyone.”

“You’re always so worried about me. What about you? I don’t want you to raise this child on your own. I want to be a father to them.” He spoke gently, stroking your hand with his thumb.

“But what about them? How do you want to handle it? People will find out. You need to tell Sarah. I know you don’t care for her too much, but you are married to her Jumin.”

He rolled his eyes. “This doesn’t concern her.”

“It absolutely does. If you thought you were distant around her before, just imagine. This baby would change everything.” You kept your voice steady. You didn’t want to argue with him, but you did want to remind him of what was important. “And everyone has been asking when the two of you will have a child, an heir to the company,” your voice this time was disapproving. It was awful in your opinion to set a path for the kid before they were even born. “How will she feel? What will the press do? It’s been almost a year since you’ve been married.” You sighed. “There are so many things to consider.”

“I am not sleeping with Sarah.” He shook his head. “I’ve never had the desire to. I don’t want to have a child with her. I don’t want my child to be like her... I want them to be like you.”

“This is not how it works, Jumin.”

“So what? I’ll tell the news you’re expecting. They’ll be all excited that some sort of an heir is on the way. They’ll be mad too, for Sarah’s sake. But it’ll be obvious that her and I’s relationship is only one of convenience. I’m tired of the charade anyways.”

“Jumin...” you started.

“I know. There’s a lot to think about. But do you think... maybe for tonight we can pretend there aren’t all of these problems? Maybe we could just focus on the fact that we’re going to be parents,” he asked. His eyes were hopeful and shiny. He was quite emotional today, not that you were one to talk.

You sighed, closing your eyes and trying to will all the negative thoughts out of your brain. Then you nodded. “Jumin, Honey. I have some news for you.”

“Wait are we starting this whole conversation over?” He blushed. “I just wanna make sure.”

You laughed out loud. “Yes. Now guess what the news is.”

His eyes were mischievous. He obviously knew what the news was but enjoyed playing along. “You got a kitten?”

“Nope. Try again?”

“You got a promotion.”

You clicked your tongue. “Wrong again. Wow, you’re bad at this game.”

“Forgive me, My Love. What’s the news?” He kissed your knuckles.

“We’re pregnant. We’re going to have a baby.” You giggled.

“Really?” He asked, a small smirk on his face.

“Mhm. I have five pregnancy tests to prove it.”

He tackled you into a hug, pushing you down further into the bed. He kissed your lips, then pulled himself down further to kiss your stomach. “This is the best news ever. I know I’ve said that before but it’s true. I couldn’t ask for better news.”

You giggled again, pulling him back up to you give him a better kiss. He cupped your face in his hand, resting his other hand on your stomach as though he’d be able to feel the baby (of course he couldn’t, you were pretty early on). It was cute though.

“I’m going to be the best father to them. I promise.” His eyes were more serious now. “I know you’re worried about everything, but I promise I’ll figure it out. I’ll protect you both and take care of you. I’ll do whatever it takes to make you both happy and keep you safe.”

“I love you Jumin.” You smiled.

He plopped down onto the bed by your side, pulling you closer to him. “I love you too. Now what do you think about just cuddling and watching a movie today?”

“You’re such a softie, you know? I’d love that.”

[aion-rsa]

Star Wars: 12 Snoke Facts You Might Not Know

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Set up in the first half of the Sequel Trilogy as a powerful new Star Wars villain, Supreme Leader Snoke of the First Order turned out to be something else entirely. Despite fulfilling the role of Emperor Palpatine in The Force Awakens, he’s completely off the table by the end of The Last Jedi. And in The Rise of Skywalker, the galaxy is only big enough for one galaxy-conquering villain as Kylo Ren’s fall shows.

By the end of the trilogy, Snoke is revealed to have been a bio-engineered villain all along, Force-puppeted tool Emperor Palpatine used to regain his grip on the galaxy while hiding his weakened physical form on the Sith planet of Exegol. His triumphs no longer truly his own, Snoke’s ultimate legacy is the rise of Kylo Ren as well as legendary motion capture actor Andy Serkis’ performance. 

As we look back at Snoke’s short tenure as the big bad of Star Wars, here are some facts you might not know about Supreme Leader Snoke: 

1. Snoke Was a Strand-Cast Created by Palpatine

Emperor Palpatine created Snoke to be his proxy through which he could regain his power. Although Snoke was bio-engineered in a lab on Exegol, he was a strand-cast, not a clone. This bit of Star Wars jargon means Snoke isn’t an exact copy of anyone, but isn’t natural-born either. We’ve heard the term “strand-cast” before. In The Mandalorian, Kuill speculates that Grogu might be a strand-cast — a speculation which turned out to be wrong when Ahsoka revealed Grogu grew up in the Jedi Temple. 

Palpatine’s ultimate plan was to use Snoke as his voice to whisper in Kylo Ren’s ear. It was one of several ways he was working behind the scenes all along to build the First Order — itself just a shell for the new Empire being built on Exegol. With his own clone body decrepit but his spirit still strong in the Force, Palpatine could possess other people but was looking for a permanent new vessel. 

Stream your Star Wars favorites right here!

Snoke was likely born from these experiments but was too imperfect a vessel to house Palpatine’s spirit. There were other candidates, like the strand-cast who became Rey’s father. But since the process that created strand-casts could not reliably replicate Force-sensitivity, Palpatine’s “son” was not Force sensitive. It was another dead end. The Sith lord next turned his attention to Rey in The Rise of Skywalker.

This strand-cast/cloning storyline shares several plot points with the classic Dark Empire comic series, where Palpatine bided his time until he could come back in a younger, stronger clone body and re-create the Empire.

2. Snoke Wasn’t Aware of His Own History

Unlike Palpatine’s strand-cast “son,” Snoke didn’t know he was created in a lab by the Sith lord nor that he was being manipulated to rebuild the Emperor’s forces. In fact, despite being created some time after the Battle of Endor, he believed to have lived through the rise and fall of the Empire.

All of this is revealed in the novelization of The Force Awakens, in a twist that might actually have been a result of The Rise of Skywalker not having been written or planned out yet. But his status as a Sith sleeper agent fits with Palpatine’s plan, too. Snoke truly believing that he himself was really a dark Force user who had lived through the Galactic Civil War likely prevented Ben Solo/Kylo Ren from sensing the deception throughout his time as Snoke’s apprentice. Palpatine needed Snoke to believe the lies he told Kylo Ren so that he could more easily manipulate the fallen Skywalker.

3. Hugh Hefner and Snoke’s Injuries Informed How Serkis Played the Character 

Andy Serkis rose to fame as the motion capture performer behind Gollum’s creepy mannerisms in The Lord of the Rings, quickly becoming well-known for injecting unique life and personality into monstrous characters. For Supreme Leader Snoke, Serkis drew from “the gold-lamé Hugh Hefner look,” the shining robe evoking the Playboy magazine founder. Serkis says he and The Last Jedi director Rian Johnson also considered drawing inspiration from “so many different dictators,” but settled on the uncanny Hefner idea. 

Snoke’s visual appearance was still being finalized when Serkis joined J.J. Abrams to work on the character for The Force Awakens. Therefore, the actor developed his ideas about the character at the same time as the artists were developing theirs. In The Last Jedi, Snoke finally appeared in the flesh as opposed to as a hologram, allowing Serkis to draw even more from the villain’s grotesque physical appearance. 

Serkis says he imagined Snoke’s deep scars were the source of some of his anger. “He’s terribly powerful, of course. But he is also a very vulnerable and wounded character,” Serkis told EW (via io9). “He has suffered and he has suffered injury. The way that his malevolence comes out is in reaction to that. His hatred of the Resistance is fueled by what’s happened to him personally.”

4. His Look Was Based on Classic Horror Movies 

According to the book The Art of The Force Awakens, “J.J. [Abrams] and [creature effects supervisor] Neal [Scanlan] didn’t want him to be old and decrepit, like the Emperor,” said senior sculptor Ivan Manzella, who sculpted a maquette of an elderly, bald face for Snoke. Early ideas made the difference even clearer by making Snoke a female character. 

The final result did look a lot like Palpatine, though: a hunched old man with a face distorted by deep wrinkles and scars. Manzella, who also made the final sculpt, says that Abrams wanted his look to evoke Hammer Films horror movies (such as classic takes on Frankenstein and Dracula). In particular Peter Cushing, who played Victor Frankeinstein and Abraham Van Helsing in several Hammer movies, was a direct inspiration. 

Manzella also added what he felt was a sense of beauty to the character: “I imagined him to be a beautiful marble sculpture, so dark and menacing, but actually quite beautiful to look at … It’s almost like Snoke was quite handsome when he was younger.”

The Frankenstein comparison is especially apt since Palpatine and his Sith cultists built Snoke themselves.

5. Snoke Is Not a Sith Lord 

You may have noticed that Snoke does not have the “Darth” title like the Dark Lords of the Sith do. He was never given one because he isn’t technically a Sith Lord. But the fact that he’s a bio-engineered being created by Palpatine explains why his training of Kylo Ren followed the Sith mold so closely, since all along Palpatine was trying to manipulate Ren.

During the time of The Force Awakens, many fans theorized that the next film would reveal Snoke to be Darth Plagueis, the Sith master who taught Palpatine the ways of the dark side. Plagueis was interested in extending one’s lifespan through the use of the dark side, so an old man with mysterious origins could very well have been him. This theory didn’t pan out. 

6. Rian Johnson Felt Snoke’s Presence Distracted From Rey and Kylo Ren’s Stories

The fan theories didn’t line up with what The Last Jedi director Rian Johnson had in mind for moving the Sequel Trilogy cast into the future. In a conversation with EW (via Collider) Johnson explained his reasoning for knocking Snoke off the Sequel Trilogy’s chessboard.

“When I was working on the character of Kylo, I came to a place where I thought the most interesting thing would be to knock the shaky foundation out from under him at the beginning of this movie…By the end of this film, he’s gone from being a wannabe Vader to someone who is standing on his own feet as a complex villain taking the reins.”

But if Kylo took the reins, where would this leave Snoke?

“That made me realize the most interesting thing would be to eliminate that dynamic between the ‘emperor’ and pupil, so that all bets are off going into the next one. That also led to the possibility of this dramatic turn in the middle, which could also be a really powerful connection point between Kylo and Rey.”

Instead of focusing on Snoke’s history, Johnson found Kylo Ren’s ongoing story more relevant and felt killing Snoke was necessary to push his former apprentice’s arc forward.

7. Snoke Chose Ben Solo Because of His Skywalker Blood

Speaking of the Sith, Snoke may not be one, but he is interested in the lineage of one of the strongest Sith of all time. He chose to corrupt Ben Solo specifically because he was the grandson of Darth Vader. Luke Skywalker and Leia Organa were perhaps too ingrained in the light side and too dedicated to the cause of the New Republic for Snoke to manipulate them, but the mercurial and directionless Solo was the perfect target. Using Ben’s obsession with Darth Vader to turn him further to the dark side was a relatively easy task for Snoke.

In the comic series The Rise of Kylo Ren, we learned how Snoke began reaching out to Ben from an early age– and another comic, Age of Resistance: Supreme Leader Snoke, also fills in some of Snoke and Ben’s history. Before the events of The Force Awakens, Snoke spent a lot of time planting seeds of distrust between Ben and his uncle and teacher Luke Skywalker from afar, all while biding his time on a space station with an expansive garden, where Ben flees for guidance after the destruction of the Jedi academy. 

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Some time after this, Snoke took Kylo Ren to the Force cave on Dagobah from The Empire Strikes Back to experience a vision. There, Kylo kills an illusory Luke, but stops short of killing his parents. But Snoke encourages him to use his anger, fear, and other emotions associated with the dark side to complete his training.

The visual dictionary for The Rise of Skywalker shows how deep Palpatine’s plan went. It says Palpatine intended killing Snoke to be the mark of Kylo Ren’s full descent into the dark side and rise into Sith-hood. Snoke’s death was in a way a symbolic killing of a Sith master — it’s traditional for the apprentice to kill the Master — while Palpatine himself remained alive and well to take over as Kylo’s new master. A final, decisive victory over the Skywalker bloodline.

8. Snoke Trained At Least One Other Apprentice Before Kylo Ren

According to the The Force Awakens Visual Dictionary, Snoke canonically trained someone else before Ben. Little is known about this mystery apprentice. We don’t know the person’s name, when this took place, or how it connects to Palpatine’s overarching plans. The existence of this apprentice is implied by Snoke’s description of Kylo Ren as his most gifted apprentice, suggesting there must have been someone else to compare him to. 

In the Age of Resistance comic, Snoke also mentions that he plans to have more apprentices after Kylo Ren is gone. But Ren cuts that plan short in The Last Jedi.

9. Snoke Had At Least One Earlier Run-In With Luke

The facial scarring and collapsed cheek Serkis talked about might have been created by Luke Skywalker. In The Rise of Kylo Ren, Ben Solo alludes to “what Master Luke did to you.” But Snoke is more interested in Ben’s conflict with Luke. 

What happened between Snoke and Luke is still unknown. It’s possible that whatever confrontation led to Snoke’s scars was also the first time Ben met Snoke. 

10. Snoke Played a Key Role in the Empire’s Transformation into The First Order

Since Palpatine had to hide his weak clone body from everyone except his secret Sith acolytes, he placed Snoke in charge of the day-to-day growth of the First Order. Through his own lackeys, General Hux and Captain Phasma, Snoke spearheaded the new stormtrooper program that captured and indoctrinated children, building a military force powerful enough to go against the New Republic. And behind the veil of the Unknown Regions, an uncharted sector of the galaxy where the New Republic held no dominion, Snoke helped reorganize what was left of the Empire into the First Order, eventually becoming its Supreme Leader. 

Snoke’s Attendants, the purple-robed aliens seen briefly in The Last Jedi, are also part of this initiative. They are the ones who helped the Imperial remnant settle in the Unknown Regions, using their abilities to blaze hyperspace trails that made First Order conquest much more efficient.

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11. Snoke’s Flagship, The Supremacy, Is the Only Ship of Its Kind

Snoke’s flagship was ripped in half by “the Holdo maneuver” in The Last Jedi, a strong blow by the beleaguered Resistance. Along with being the site of Snoke’s throne room, the Supremacy also contained enough factories to produce entire fleets for the First Order.

In fact, it was the base of operations for the entire First Order, which did not have a capital planet but instead maintained their military superiority from space. Technically, the Supremacy was a Mega-class Star Destroyer and the only one of its kind ever made. 

12. Snoke’s Ring Contains a Relic From Darth Vader’s Castle

Snoke was a collector of Sith relics and secrets, traveling around the galaxy in search of knowledge, settling on his Force philosophy, and collecting things before he recruited Ben. It’s unclear how much of this Sith pilgrimage really happened versus the memories implanted by Palpatine, but it does appear that Snoke did actually discover the lost concept of a Force dyad, which he used to bring Rey and Kylo together.

He also discovered many dark side artifacts. One detail that’s easy to overlook in The Last Jedi is Snoke’s ring. The gaudy gold ring contains a hunk of black crystal. The Last Jedi Visual Dictionary defines this as obsidian from the catacombs beneath Darth Vader’s fortress on Mustafar. The ring also features “gold etched with glyph of the Dwartii.” In both canon and Legends, Dwartii is a planet which is home to several different schools of philosophers. 

The post Star Wars: 12 Snoke Facts You Might Not Know appeared first on Den of Geek.

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[fictorium]

I don’t if you’re still taking prompts but would you consider: 40. “I never stood a chance, did I?” I always wondered about what it would have been like if Mon-El had said this to Kara about Cat

40. “I never stood a chance, did I?”

Cat could ignore the invitation. In an average week she turns down at least twenty, from brunches to club openings, and doesn’t feel bad about any of them. She makes a point of showing up for her designated charities, for anything Carter asks of her, and the occasional time Adam requests her presence. 

But the housewarming of her former assistant? That shouldn’t even be on Cat’s radar, but she’s between assistants and Kara is one of the few contacts whose missives have been marked as enough of a priority to always break through the noise. It’s been glaring at Cat for what feels like a month, although in reality there’s been only a socially-acceptable week between invite and event. 

The worst part is that Kara isn’t even moving house. She’s still in that converted-whatever downtown that Cat had valued and safety-assessed by her own realtor just to be sure that Kara’s living situation didn’t pose a risk to Cat’s security. Which was a ridiculous pretext, rendered even less necessary by the revelation that Kara is Supergirl. Which, if anything, makes her home more regularly invaded but inherently well-defended. 

No, apparently someone is moving in. Someone called Mike, of all the generic things. Cat has dated a Mike or two in her time and always found them to be lacking, even though it wasn’t technically the name at fault. He’s being welcomed into Kara’s home and her life, presumably a first step on the way to engagement, marriage, and whatever babies might be possible between the anatomy of a Kryptonian and whatever this ‘Mike’ is. Cat finds herself hoping he might be a cardboard cut-out, knowing Kara he’ll have the personality of one while she makes up for his considerable faults. 

So. Absolutely no reason for Cat to attend. To even acknowledge. And yet she clicks the stupid button and confirms her very stupid attendance, because really, what will it cost her after all these months to show up with a nice bottle of something and leave after fifteen minutes? Miranda taught her that trick back in Gotham. 

It’s exactly what she expects, from the moment Cat first steps out of her town car and surveys the apartment building door, propped open with a crate of empty bottles, presumably so no one is responsible for letting visitors up one by one. The music--cheesy and poptastic and full of those infuriating summer beats that get wedged in Cat’s head no matter how much she tries to avoid it--wafts down the stairs to meet her. 

She could be at a launch event hosted by Bruno Mars right now. Or at dinner with Hillary and Huma. Instead Cat is picking her way up a staircase populated by people she’s fairly sure she’s still technically employing, some of whom scatter in habitual fear. At least that never gets old. 

Then she’s at the apartment door, wide open of course, and the space is similarly populated with people Cat vaguely recognizes, including someone her brain has filed away as some kind of federal agent, talking to that Will boy who used to be in her IT department. 

Before Cat can think better of it, suddenly the crowd seems to part and Kara is there, completely with a brand new beaming smile the moment she sets eyes on Cat, right in the middle of her living room. Amongst the fairy lights and the way everyone else in that room fades into the background in an instant, Cat begins to wonder if Richard Curtis is now directing inside her head. 

“You came!” Kara glides over a little too fast to be human, enveloping Cat in the kind of hug she wants to collapse into. Just like every other one they’ve shared. “I thought you must have clicked yes by accident, or your new assistant did, but I hoped you really would come.”

“Do you hang on to all your guests this long?” Cat says, regretting it the second Kara pulls back. 

“Sorry, it’s just been a while since I saw you.”

“I’m aware. Your apartment is... interesting.”

Kara just smiles even more at the half-compliment. “I’ll get you a drink. Don’t worry, I kept a bottle of something decent and a clean glass set aside for you.”

The relief at not being offered punch in a solo cup passes through Cat like a tidal wave, and she accepts the tumbler with at least a triple-shot of Scotch gratefully. The first sip fortifies her. 

“I know this isn’t really the best place to talk,” Cat says as something by Justin Timberlake takes over the speakers. “But I wanted to bring you something. For the housewarming.”

“Well, it’s not really for me. You see--”

“Still,” Cat interrupts. “It’s a milestone for anyone. I wanted you to have something more permanent than wine or some awful condiment set that you’ll only open during a power cut.”

She fishes out the small gift bag from inside her purse and hands it over. Kara scans the crowd. “Do we need to open it together, or can I...?”

“Really it’s just for you,” Cat says, downing the rest of her drink. It’s a decent single malt, and she shouldn’t have rushed it. “You can open it later.”

“No, wait,” Kara replies, and with a boldness borne of not being under Cat’s thumb every day, she actually takes Cat by the forearm and steers her through the space, past some curtains which mark off the bedroom area. It’s even more of a twinkling-light, pastels and faded woodwork paradise, but it’s so utterly Kara that Cat aches to see it. Without thinking, she strides across and sits on the end of the bed.

“Go on then.” Cat hasn’t even taken her coat off yet, though it’s a light one. She watches out of the corner of her eye as Kara unpacks the box inside the bag, pulling out the silver ornament with a gasp. 

“How...” Kara moves into Cat’s sightline, refusing to be ignored or deflected. “Do you know what this is?”

“I did some research. Got a message to another person from... where you’re from.”

“But the only way you could do that is through... James wouldn’t. Ms Grant, did you ask Lois Lane for help?”

“I might have used her to relay a message to Superman, yes. He sent me a drawing, I sent it to the designer, it was nothing. Really.”

“Lois will never let you forget you needed a favor,” Kara replies, holding up the delicate silver ornament on its white ceramic base. “And I should be denying any knowledge of this shape, of these branches.”

“It’s a ring tree, Kara. Somewhere to keep your jewelry together now that someone is invading your space. It used to drive me crazy when things were knocked off my nightstand, or moved from beside the sink and... anyway. A practical thing.”

“In the shape of the last ever tree to grow on Krypton. The ones my family takes its name from. Oh! Look, the crest. Etched right into the base.”

“Sounds like a really thoughtful gift,” says a male voice from somewhere behind Cat. She turns to see a generically handsome male, human at first glance. “Kind of thing someone who really cares about you would get.”

“Mo--Mike!” Kara rushes to him, setting the tree carefully on her nightstand. “I was looking for you! This is Cat Grant, she’s--”

“I know, I worked at CatCo for a hot minute there. Her face is kind of everywhere in that building.” Mike comes around the bed to shake her hand, his look appraising. Cat merely stares him down, refusing the handshake.  “I’ve been looking forward to meeting you, Cat. I’ve heard a lot about you.”

“Most of it terrible I assume.”

“Oh, you’d think. Everyone else has horror stories, but not Kara here. No, to hear my girlfriend talk, you’re the sun, the moon, and the stars all rolled into one.”

Cat glances at Kara, who’s blushing furiously. 

“That doesn’t sound like most of my former assistants,” Cat says.

“And I thought, all the times she talked about you that way, that it’s just some one-sided admiration fest, you know? Girls always have these crushes, and I’m the first guy to encourage that, you know?” His leer is as predictable as it is unwelcome.

“Mike, don’t.”

“Then you show up here and the two of you look at each other like something out of one of those movies Kara loves. Like time has stopped, for everyone but just the two of you. Then you sneak in here for special private drinks, and it turns out there’s a real thoughtful gift too. The kind of thing a real thoughtful girlfriend might choose.”

Kara tries to pull him aside then, but Mike never takes his eyes off Cat.

“I never stood a chance, did I?”

A better woman than Cat might not answer. But one look at Kara’s panic, at the darkness that flits across her face because she thinks she’s going to lose Cat all over again, and the decision is made for her.

“No Malcolm, I don’t suppose you did. Oh, I could tell you I’ve been oblivious to Kara’s little crush this whole time, but as you so shrewdly observed, those feelings are reciprocated. I left to give Kara a chance to get over me, to prevent either of us embarking on what could be a very tricky relationship for both of us. And yet. Here I am.”

“Cat?” Kara comes to her then, wonder on her face. “What are you doing?”

“Reclaiming what I believe is rightfully mine. I mean, honestly, Kara. I give you more than enough leeway to pursue things with James, an almost worthy contestant, and you end up with this punk instead? I’m almost insulted.”

“But... but...”

“Oh for God’s sake, how much plainer can I make it?” Cat gets up then, shrugging off her coat before pulling Kara close. As fluid motions go, that was Simone Biles-worthy. No time to dwell on the grace though, because there’s the small matter of kissing Kara right on her stunned mouth, provoking a groan of defeat from the manchild. 

Kara kisses back. That’s enough for the moment. Cat hits pause and pulls back, having made her point there’s no need to be cruel. 

“Kara, why don’t you tell Mike there’s been a change of plan? And that I’m sure I can find a studio apartment somewhere for him to set up home. By way of consolation, of course.”

“Shove your apartment,” he replies, yanking the curtain aside to rejoin the throng of people outside. Some of whom have clearly been listening, since the music is noticeably quieter than before. A dark-haired woman darts to Kara’s side, and they have a brief, whispered conversation before she turns to address Kara’s party for her. 

“Okay everybody, party’s over! Let’s move.”

When the crowd don’t react, the woman pulls an FBI badge from her pocket and a gun from its holster, pointing at the ceiling. 

“Federal agent, moving you all out. Get going, people!”

“Thanks, Alex,” Kara says as people start rushing out. “I don’t know how much you heard but--”

“Enough to warn this one that the badge and the gun will be after her, if she ever hurts you.”

“Agent Danvers, I presume?” Cat stands her ground. “I hope you know I would never. Not on purpose.”

“Oh come on!” Mike protests by throwing his hands up. “She still doesn’t like me, and you get a one-line shovel talk? I really do give up.”

“I’m sorry,” Kara says. “For what it’s worth, we did have some fun. After you stopped treating me like a piece of meat and pursuing me in some kind of game after I warned you not to.”

“Yeah.”

“Yeah,” Kara repeats back to him. “You sure you’ll find somewhere to stay? This was a bad idea.”

“I’m fine.” Mike heads out, and Alex follows with a mouthed ‘call me’ to her sister, leaving Cat and Kara alone in the apartment, strewn with party debris on every surface. 

“Do you want to go somewhere?” Kara asks, reaching for Cat’s hand. 

“Why don’t I help you tidy up?” Cat says, and goddamn if she hasn’t lost her mind completely. She hasn’t completed a simple domestic task since the late 90s. 

“Uh, no need,” Kara replies, disappearing in a quiet whirlwind that has the apartment spotless three blinks later. 

“Oh. That’s impressive.”

“I hoped you’d think so.”

“Well, nothing left to do now...” Cat says, looking around. “But make out on that freshly-cleared couch.”

Kara laughs, open-hearted and light, taking Cat by the hand to do exactly that. 

“You kind of ruined my party, Ms Grant. And broke up my relationship.”

“Are you complaining?”

Kara shakes her head. 

“Well then. Shush, and let me make it up to you,” Cat says, situating herself on Kara’s lap and appreciating the flex of muscular thighs beneath her. “The night is still young, after all.”

This time Kara kisses her first, and Cat is more than happy to accept that invitation, too.

[lowkeyaesthvtic]

Evil Karma - Chapter 14

Chapter 1 - Chapter 13

Word Count: 4,007

Summary: Now that the group has everything they need for the magic elixir, how will they react to giving the Isle of the Lost a little taste of magic?

Pairings: Harry x OC, Uma x OC, Harry x Uma x OC, platonic!Gil x OC, a little bit of platonic!Gil x Harry, past!OC x OC in a flashback scene

Rating: T

Warnings: Mild profanity, descriptive threats of murder, a flashback scene that kind of shines a light on how much of a dick Sofi’s dad was and how much she deserved better, also a little bit of sexual tension at the beginning but honestly not much

Tags: I honestly feel like people have stopped paying attention to this fic so I’m gonna stop with the tags for now but I’ll start them again if enough people ask.

Author’s Note: I am really sorry about the long pause, it’s been kind of hard writing for this fandom when the content for it has started to dwindle. I’m going to try my best to keep the Descendants fandom alive since I really love it but considering it’s been almost a year since the last movie came out, it’s going to be hard.

“How do we know the Doctor’s not going to flake out on us? He’s done it before.” Harry asked as he shifted into the sofa. The four of us, now permanently deciding to include Gil on our plan, had gone back to the room where the plan first became set in stone. I had sent out a sort of distress call to the Doctor himself telling him that the hairs were ready to be mixed into the elixir, which was incredibly hard without any magic, but somewhat possible nonetheless. I looked over to Harry and leaned my head on his shoulder as a small, bored yawn escaped my lips. 

“He won’t flake on me. Dr Facilier has worked with my family before. He’s well aware of how powerful my father was; and, if I am anything like my father, he’ll know I’m not a force to mess with either. Unfortunately, my father and I have more in common than I’d like to admit.” I ran a thin finger through his black, matted locks as the four of us sat and waited not so patiently for the doctor to arrive. Noticing my physical affection towards Harry, Uma moved closer next to me and leaned in to whisper to me.

“You know, you’ve been latching onto Harry a lot today, you two didn’t play without me, did you?” Due to our vicinity, both Harry and I heard her words. A small shiver ran up my spine as her voice sent warm air across my skin. 

“Of course not, Captain. If a game is what you want, though, I’m sure the two of us would be happy to oblige.” Harry smirked, interjecting the tension between Uma and I. The two looked as if their lips were about to lock when they were both blocked by a lock of blonde hair. 

“Not to interrupt, guys, but I hear footsteps.” He was definitely interrupting. But, it was for good reason. Harry, Uma and I moved slightly farther apart as Harry quickly grabbed his hook and I readied my hand on my dagger, prepared in case it was some unwanted visitor walking through the door. 

“Will you put your hook down, pirate boy? It’s just me. Sorry if I’m late, but I had a bit of a run in with one of Cruella’s goons.” My eyes quickly widened as I stood and ran towards him like a wild, hungry tiger.

“What the fuck, Doc! What did you tell them? You didn’t see Cruella, did you?” Before I could get close enough for the Doctor to feel the steam from my ears, Uma and Harry interjected the space between. Harry put an arm out to block Facilier from defending himself as Uma moved closer to me in an attempt to calm my anger.

“Relax, babygirl,” Uma calmly spoke, using the pet name that seemed to work on me like a magic spell every time. Yet it only worked when it slipped from her lips. “Cruella’s been indisposed since she saw Maleficent get turned into a lizard at Ben’s coronation. Jafar’s been hiding from the embarrassment of his son becoming a good kid and the Evil Queen...Well I don’t know what’s happened with her. Rumor has it she changed her name to Regina and drank a potion transporting her to some different dimension where Auradon doesn’t even exist. Wherever she is, she’s not here. None of them care about themselves anymore to worry about some little trinkets getting stolen.” With a deep inhale, I took a step back and watched as Uma turned toward the Doctor. She somehow seemed so confident, so professional, no matter the circumstances. I very rarely let somebody else dominate me both in and out of sensual situations. But with Uma, it was like disobeying her meant taking away every ounce of oxygen in my body. I needed her like a fish needs water. “I’m sure they were taken care of? Tell me, Doc, how’d you do it? Choke them until their faces turned blue? Slashed them across their necks and watched as their blood spewed like a fountain? Then again, I guess that would’ve messed up your clothes.”

“I left them unharmed.” Facilier replied after a slight hesitation. This must have been his first time meeting Uma. Otherwise he would’ve been prepared for her high-handed attitude and body language. “Getting my hands dirty would have perked some ears around the Isle. I assume you want this plan to remain secret until the time is right?” Uma nodded her head and turned around, leading the two of us back to the sofa we sat on before. She fixed her eyes on the black, still cauldron in front of us. 

“You’d assume correctly. Now, do you have the ingredients or not?” Facilier stood still, looking through his large, black satchel for what we were hoping were the ingredients. Uma, however, was not going to accept silence as an answer. “Now, Doctor. We mustn't lurk in doorways...it’s rude.” She chuckled as she watched Facilier hesitantly walk into the room and towards the cauldron. Then, like a child tentatively unwrapping a present, he started to take the ingredients out of his satchel and placed them on a nearby rickety desk. 

“I know you said enough for two gulps. But, I figured it’d be best to take everything instead of leaving some behind and risk getting caught. Should be enough for five elixirs. One for each of you kids...and an extra in case things go sideways.” It was laid out like a buffet. Eight dog bones, a large bowl of dust from Jafar’s stolen lamp,  and five apples with exactly one bite taken out of each. “How many hairs did you get?”

“Ten. The recipe called for five but...I may have gotten carried away. There’s something succulent about hearing his pain, especially since he deserves every single bit of it.” I stated, keeping my voice and face as blank as possible. Despite the Doctor knowing what Ben had done to the boys on Neverland, I refused to let him see me emotional or otherwise affected by it. 

“Showing any kind of emotion, especially towards men, is weakness. The second a boy or man sees a tear fall down that wretched face of yours, they’ll know what I’ve known since the day you were born. You could never be a leader.” I heard my own father’s voice echo in my head. I couldn’t help but feel my surroundings grow fuzzy and mute as I only heard his voice. “If you can’t stand up to a measly wolf cub, how could you ever lead these boys in the case of battle?” His one remark to me when I came to him with bite marks and gruesome scratches. He’d sent me into the jungle to hunt for dinner. While walking back to camp with some fox meat, a couple of baby wolves had attacked me and stolen the meat. I came to my father looking for comfort, or at least some kind of potion that would heal the wounds. The only thing I was given was ridicule and mockery. In a way, he was right. The entire island was ransacked, murdered, ruthlessly slaughtered. I couldn’t save them. I can’t bring them back either. Maybe this wasn’t Ben’s fault, or even Mal’s. Maybe it was mine.

“Hey, kid. You still with us?” A dark hand waving in front of my face brought me back to reality. Uma, Harry and Gil had all sat on the sofa while I still stood, my eyes locked on the table of ingredients. “You having second thoughts?” I looked back up at him and quickly shook my head. Was I lying? A little. If I couldn’t help my boys back then, how am I going to help them now? They’re already gone, and there’s no magic in this entire realm that could bring them back. But, this far into the plan, I’m starting to realize that this plan isn’t just for me anymore. It may have started that way. I may have befriended Uma and Harry for the sake of numbers and people that share a common enemy. But, I know now that these people can have some serious potential if they had enough power. This elixir and the succession of this plan could give them that potential. “Alright then, let’s get this started! This elixir ain’t gonna make itself!”

One by one the ingredients slipped into the cauldron. The boiling water shifted colors as each bone was dunked, as each fingerful of dust was sprinkled in, as each apple slice was slowly dropped in. By the time nearly all the ingredients were mixed together, the bubbling water had changed from clear to a murky, dirty dark brown. Harry looked up in confusion, nearly disgusted by the color despite being surrounded by it. “Isn’t the elixir supposed to be gold? Or green? Or...something not so disgusting?” 

“It’s because we haven’t put in the key ingredient.” Uma replied, everybody’s eyes shifting towards me. I took the vial out of my pocket and watched as the hairs glimmered gold.

“Wow, and people say Rapunzel has magic hair.” Gil chuckled, amazed by the sparkling shimmer inside the glass vial. As I go to open the vial, Gil interjects with his voice once more. “Wait, um...Doctor F?”

“Facilier, it’s Doctor Facilier.”

“You said there’d be enough of this potion thing for the four of us to drink it but..Harry and I don’t have magic. What’s going to happen to us?” Everyone paused where they stood. For once, Gil had actually made a good point. This was only my third time making this elixir, the past two times making them for some sick fairies who needed the extra push to fly again. I had never tested them on people not Neverland native, much less a person not born with or capable of magic. 

“Well, if you really think about it...magic is basically taking your strongest traits and making them unstoppable. Even without my abilities, I’ve always had a good read on people, making it easy to manipulate their opinions and emotions. Uma’s never been able to use her mother’s magic, but she still feels better when she’s close to water. Don’t you, Captain?” Uma shrugged and nodded her head. “So, maybe you’ll be strong enough to lift the whole ship with just one arm. Imagine how cool that’d be.” Gil gasped and smiled, surely encaptured in that concept. I looked to the cork on the vial, then back at everyone else. “So, shall we?” Everyone nodded eagerly and I could hear a small cackle of excitement from Harry as I opened the cork and dropped the royal hairs in one by one. By the time all ten hairs were mixed in, the potion had turned a glimmery, sparkling gold just as we thought it would. Uma grabbed a ladle she had snatched from the Chip Shoppe’s kitchen and scooped enough to fill the glass vial to the top. 

“So, who’s drinking first?” There was a small silence in the room. Whether it was from fear or from not wanting to sound too selfish, nobody vocally volunteered themselves to take the first sip of the elixir.

“You should, Uma. You are the Captain, after all.” Harry mumbled, a hint of his sincere admiration and affection peeking through a small smile. Uma looked to me, as if wanting my consent to be the first to indulge in this magic elixir.

“Go on, Captain. Don’t worry, if it tastes anything like the Neverland elixir, it should be easy to swallow.” I slowly took the empty ladle from her hand and placed it on the empty desk that once held the elixir’s ingredients. I held onto her empty hand with both of mine and let my fingers caress over her skin. After a deep inhalation, Uma chugged down the sparkling potion and swallowed it whole. A few seconds of silence and slight fear went by before Uma took in a quick gasp, gripping tighter onto my hand to keep herself balanced. I could see her eyes flash a bright, ocean blue for just a moment before returning to their near charcoal shade. Harry and Gil immediately stood up from the sofa and rushed to her side, ready to lift her up if she were to feel faint.

“Uma? Are you okay? What happened?” Harry asked, leaning in to make sure the look on her face wasn’t too pale or otherwise sickly. A second of silence scared everyone else in the room, but after she started to let out her infamously wicked and alluring snicker, we knew she was okay.

“I’ve never felt more exhilarated in my entire life! Nothing was happening at first and then, it felt like my entire body was this massive tidal wave crashing onto shore. And now, I feel like there’s something different going through me. Not blood or thoughts but, something more.” I smiled and helped Uma stand up fully, taking both her hands in mine.

“That’s how magic is supposed to feel. Here, I’ll pour the next one. Go ahead and sit down, you may feel a bit woozy if you stand too long.” As Gil led her down to the sofa, I took the ladle and scooped yet another vial full of the delectable potion. “Does anyone want the next one?” Again, there was silence. As I was about to take the second swig myself, I felt a strong hand take the vial out of mine. I looked up to see Gil holding the potion in his hand, eyeing it in a longing sort of way. “Go ahead, Gil. I promise we won’t let anything bad happen to you.” Gil took a quick nod, certain of our promise, and downed the potion in a single gulp. 

This time, Harry and I waited more in excitement then in fear. Gil’s reaction wasn’t as huge as Uma’s but there definitely was one. One second, Gil was standing with the empty vial in his hand. The next he jumped high and shook away a bunch of energy coursing through his body, as if he had just taken his first shot in a long night of drinking. “Holy shit, that was awesome! You really think I could lift the ship, Sofi?”

“Easy there, Gil. Save the strength for tomorrow, okay?” I laughed as he started to roughhouse a bit with Harry. The two had a relatively short round of horseplay before Gil suddenly had Harry over his shoulder. Considering the two boys’ relatively similar weight and muscle mass, we never thought that was possible. Then, we had realized that my theory had turned out to be correct. Gil’s new spout of magic had brought a whole new meaning to him being ‘the muscle’ of the group. 

“Okay, okay, okay, now I want some of this action. Pour it up, duckling!” Harry near shouted like an excited child on Christmas morning. I grabbed the ladle and poured a third portion of the elixir into the glass vial. With no hesitation, Harry took the vial and lifted it high as he poured the potion down his throat, letting the last drop linger on his tongue. He felt a rush immediately, but from what I could see, there was little to no physical change showing that he now had magic. He was potentially on a rush of adrenaline, meaning whether the elixir had given him magic or not, he definitely felt a physical rush of change. There was only one way to know for sure if the potion had worked on him.

“I guess it’s my turn.” I quietly huffed as I poured another portion of the elixir into the empty vial. A part of me was fearful of the outcome. I knew the potion would work correctly, but I had no idea the effect it would have on me. These past three months were the first time I had ever gone without using my magic. Three months of no magic after who knows how many years of near constant magic was wild enough. But taking all that magic back in at once? I was diving into the ocean without knowing whether or not I’d drown. But, if it would help my Uma take Mal down and claim the leadership she deserves, that’s a risk I’d be willing to take. I slowly tilted my head back and let the elixir slide down my tongue. The taste was oddly familiar. Tangy like a fresh orange with a hint of something herby and earthy. It tasted like home. As the elixir was wholly consumed, I laid the vial and ladle aside as I put my hands on the nearby desk for support in case of any sudden dizziness. 

What I felt next was both euphoric and catastrophic. The thoughts of others didn’t slowly slip in through my ears. They rushed inside my brain, nearly knocking me out with their speed and intensity. I could feel my eyes burning with an emerald flame, something only the kids on Neverland had seen. By the time it was all over, I was electrified with the magic I had once called my home. 

“Is she okay? She looks a little faint. Maybe I should check on her? Should I ask Uma to check on her?”

“Wow, that looked like a lot. I wonder if she felt everything I felt when I drank it. Or maybe she felt more since she’s used her magic before? Maybe Harry and I should check on her.”

“These damn crazy kids. I wouldn’t be doing all of this if those Auradon bastards didn’t kill my boy. But nobody messes with my kids. If they even lay a finger on Celia I’ll have all their heads.”

“Can you really curl your hair with your finger? I see Uma and Sofi do it all the time...maybe it’s just a girl thing.”

Their thoughts began to slow down enough for me to thoroughly listen to them. “You guys don’t need to check on me, I’m fine. I’m more than fine.” I stood up straight and wiped some dust off my shoulders before sitting next to Gil and Uma on the sofa. “Also, Gil, Uma and I don’t curl our hair with our fingers. Our hair is just naturally curly. If you wanna curl your hair so badly, I can give you a ride to Lady Tremaine’s.” Gil’s perked up, confused brow caused a small rise of laughs throughout the room. The thoughts in the room began to quiet down as I slowly gained control over my magic again, putting the minds of others in the background of my brain. As we all grew adjusted to the elixir and its effects, Facilier poured the final scoop of the elixir into the vial and corked it shut as he handed it to Uma. 

“Keep this close with you. The elixir ain’t permanent. You may need this if those Auradon bastards come at you with something strong.” As he saw Uma slip it into her jacket pocket, he walked over to me and glared at me sincerely. “I don’t know what kind of second thoughts you may be having, but you’re going through with this. If not for me, then for Mateo. He would’ve wanted you to keep going.” 

I thought back to the moment that I knew Mateo was going to be a really close friend. It was the same day I had gotten attacked by the wolf cub. I sat alone in my tent, attempting to dress my wounds with palm leaves and hold back the pained sobs when those attempts had failed. Suddenly, I heard the flap of my tent wave open. “I heard someone’s got some new battle scars..can I see them?” I kept my mouth shut and attempted to close him off, knowing that the second I said a word, tears would rush down my face. “I brought something from the med tent that may take the edge off. Do you want it?” I turned and nodded my head, still keeping quiet to keep too much ‘weakness’ from peeking through.

As Mateo dressed the wounds correctly and sprinkled on some healing pixie dust, the pain from the wounds began to subside excluding a small sting from the pixie dust. But the emotional pain, the ping in my chest from my own father telling me I could never be a leader, that’s what was hurting me the most. “Mateo...do you think I made a mistake?”

“Made a mistake? Doing what?”

“Choosing to age, to grow up. I thought it would help me become stronger, faster, smarter. But I don’t think it’s doing any of that. I couldn’t keep a wolf cub off of me!” A shred of my anger began to shine through as everything my father had said came rushing back.

“Well, to be fair, your hands were a little full with all of that fox meat. Pan probably should’ve sent someone out with you.” Mateo chuckled, attempting to lighten the mood as he always did.

“It’s not funny! I couldn’t fight off a wolf cub, my swordfighting is total shit, this new magic I’ve been developing lately is completely out of control...I can’t do anything! What if my dad is right? What if I’m just not fit to be a leader?” As Mateo dressed the last bite mark, he shifted closer to me and wrapped his arm around me, pulling me in for comfort.

“Okay, your swordfighting isn’t the best. And yeah, you’ve got some new powers that you don’t really know how to control yet. But, who threw a dagger so far and so well that it pushed an apple off of Reggie’s head and into a tree?”

“...I did.”

“And who taught Felix how to use the tidal waves to tell if a storm was coming?”

“...I did.”

“And who saved a Lost Boy’s life by catching an arrow that was heading straight for them with her bare hand?” That Lost Boy was him. My dad was angry and drunk and thought killing him would be a good way to piss off Facilier and get a good bloodbath going. But something in my gut clicked fast enough to move Mateo out of the way and catch the arrow to prevent it from hitting anybody else. It could’ve killed me, but I didn’t care.

“I did.”

“So you have some things you need to improve on. That’s fine. But do you know what you’re best at, Sofi? Your strongest skill is helping the other boys. Whether you’re keeping them happy, keeping them safe, or helping them grow in the areas that they need improvement. You never back down on an opportunity to help the Lost Boys. If that’s not a sign of a good leader, I don’t know what is.” 

As my mind came back to the present day, I realized that I shouldn’t be having any sort of second thoughts about this plan. Succeeding in making Mal suffer and taking over Auradon would not only be giving the Lost Revenge crew the potential and inclusion they deserve, but it would be avenging the deaths of everyone I’ve ever cared about. It’d be another instance of me not backing down on an opportunity to help those I loved. This plan will prove that I am, in fact, a good leader. As I watched Facilier pack up his satchel and begin to leave the room, I stood and shouted towards him. “I’m going to make him proud, Doc. I promise.” At the sudden yell, Harry, Uma and Gil all stood to listen. “We were all brutally wronged by Auradon. Their system has been suppressing us, starving us, killing us for far too long! Tomorrow, we will take Auradon into our hands and give every single kid on this Isle the chance they deserve! If we have to spill some blood to do it...then let the blood spill. Rest up, everyone. Because tomorrow, we fight!”

[goingoverthegardenwall]

Chapter 6: Lullaby in Frogland

Let’s look back. Way back. Back before the dawn of animation, before the dawn of film, well before Ruby or Spears or Disney or Iwerks or either Fleischer Brother. Back to 1835, in a town named Florida in a state named Missouri when a boy named Samuel was born.

Like Ub Iwerks, Sam was raised in Missouri. And like Max Fleischer, Sam’s family took a financial hit when his father’s work stopped (this time due to a premature death rather than the decline of tailory), giving Sam a practical approach to employment. He left school at age eleven to become a printer’s apprentice, then moved to his older brother’s newspaper as a typesetter and occasional columnist, writing humorous articles and drawing cartoons. But unlike Beatrix Potter or the animators we’ve covered, visual art wasn’t in the cards for Sam.

He moved to the East Coast to work for other papers, bouncing between cities before returning to the midwest to embark on a career he’d dreamed of since he was old enough to dream: piloting a steamboat. He thrived on the water, and kept writing about his work along the river, but everything stopped when the Civil War closed off the Mississippi. So Sam headed west to work for the same brother who once ran the newspaper, now a politician in Nevada (I’d be remiss if I didn’t point out that this brother was for some reason named Orion). Sam tried mining, and it didn’t take, but he’d gotten pretty good at writing and set off for San Francisco to get back into his jocular brand of journalism. 

It was here that he had his first success, a short story published in his paper called Jim Smiley and His Jumping Frog. But, like a certain frog we’ve covered in this series, Sam wasn’t huge on permanent names. Within a month, the story was reprinted as The Celebrated Jumping Frog of Calaveras County, and Jim Smiley’s name was changed to Jim Greeley. Until the book version came out, when it was changed back to Jim Smiley. And this whole time, within the story, it’s a mystery whether Jim’s real name is actually Leonidas (it turns out that it isn’t, but it might be). None of this should come as a surprise for Samuel Clemens, who wrote under the names of Josh, Thomas Jefferson Snodgrass, and most famously, Mark Twain.

“I knew you were special.”

Over the Garden Wall is, among other things, a story about the importance of solid communication. After five episodes spent building up our heroes as a group of friends, all it takes is one episode of terrible communication to throw it all away. The specific issues vary, despite leading to a similar result of not verbalizing their thoughts very well: Greg’s youth stops him from articulating his rapidly changing ideas, Wirt’s anxiety leaves him too timid to speak up or too rambling to be clear, Beatrice’s true intentions make her obfuscate the truth, and Jason Funderburker straight-up can’t talk. Or so we think.

This time he’s named for American statesmen George Washington and Benjamin Franklin, which fits the continuing vintage Americana vibe of the series—while I figure it’s a coincidence, it should be noted that Mark Twain’s Jumping Frog was named after American statesman Daniel Webster. Surrounded by other frogs that walk around and wear fancy garb, our frog is more anthropomorphic than ever, standing on his hind legs and dancing along with Greg. But it’s still a shock to hear him open his mouth and sing, a shock that soon cedes to the realization that the frog playing the piano at the beginning of the series is singing the Jack Jones song in the montage that follows.

Lullaby in Frogland is Jason Funderburker’s episode through and through, so much so that it’s the first time we hear of his namesake, Jason Funderberker. This is an episode where Wirt rejects Greg’s assertion that their frog is “our frog,” a plot point that’s paid off in their last conversation in the series. This is an episode where Greg wonders aloud if he can be a hero, sees the frog set off on a diverging path immediately afterwards, and accepts it, because he’s willing to sacrifice his happiness for the good of others. And it’s an episode where the frog returns after a harrowing betrayal, showing that even when all seems lost, there’s still room for hope. Over the Garden Wall (the song) might not sound like a traditional lullaby, but it soothes us into a cold night as the sun sets on the first half of Over the Garden Wall (the show).

Adelaide’s true nature is foreshadowed by Beatrice’s sudden hesitance to bring the brothers to the pasture after several episodes of nagging, but the twist is made tragic by Wirt finally letting his guard down enough to be happy. He sings a completed Adelaide Parade with Greg and joins the dance before collapsing into the most earnest laughter I’ve ever heard in a cartoon. He’s a good enough friend to notice when Beatrice is “uncharacteristically wistful,” and takes a risk by playing the bassoon instead of just giving up. He’s still got growing to do—it’s one thing to blame Greg for getting them in trouble by throwing away the ferry fare and forcing them to sneak aboard, but another thing to literally shout “Take him, not me!” when confronted by the frog fuzz—so it’s clear that his journey isn’t over yet, but he doesn’t even get a full episode of peace before everything blows up.

The whole steamboat sequence flows between simple delights, like saluting the captain mid-chase, the revelation that the frogs love music more than they hate trespassers, and the repeated gags of three gentlemen frogs snatching up flying flies and a frog mother dropping her tadpoles. Everything just feels calm, even when antics are afoot. Wirt gets to save the day with his bassooning, Greg gets to feel rewarded in his knowledge that his frog is special, Jason gets to sing a song after being silent throughout the series, and Beatrice seems, for now, to come to a sort of peace about things after several clear attempts to sidetrack the boys. This is the only episode to feature two major stories instead of one, but the steamer segment is rich enough to feel like a full episode. If only we could’ve stopped here.

All roads lead to Twain when it comes to depictions of steamboats as a go-to American icon, which is why he preceded this discussion of Lullaby in Frogland: I’m not claiming Mickey Mouse wouldn’t have been successful if his first cartoon was about something else, but I’m certainly claiming that we wouldn’t have gotten Steamboat Willie as it was if Ub Iwerks hadn’t grown up in a Missouri whose lore was shaped by Twain’s tales of the river. But while the author is the root of the episode’s many influences, I think the most fascinating branch that we borrow from is The Princess and the Frog. 

2009 was a great year for animation, seeing the release of Coraline, Fantastic Mr. Fox, The Secret of Kells, the surprisingly great Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs, and the first ten minutes of Up (also the rest of Up, if I’m feeling generous). The first two on that list are my favorite of the year, twin stop-motion masterpieces that I’m always in the mood to watch, but The Princess and the Frog is a brilliant last gasp from Disney’s 2D animation studio. It isn’t the final traditionally animated film they made (that would be 2011′s Winnie the Pooh), nor the final fully sincere princess movie they made (that would be 2010′s Tangled), but it marks the beginning of the end for both trends: for better and worse, modern Disney animation feels the need to loudly subvert old tropes and wouldn’t be caught dead in two dimensions.

Lullaby in Frogland’s connection to The Princess and the Frog is certainly visible on the surface level: both feature a long sequence starring frogs on a steamboat where a lead character must pretend to be another animal and play a woodwind instrument to get out of a jam, and both involve our heroes seeking help from a wise woman far from civilization (even if only one of these women is actually helpful). But it’s the somber nostalgia factor that binds these stories closer than anything, the knowledge that this is the end of the road for this type of tale. The ferry’s gotta land somewhere, and the cold is setting in as the frogs begin hibernating for the winter, but there’s still more story to tell.

The second story of Lullaby in Frogland is scored throughout by a haunting string and piano rendition of Adelaide Parade, and Adelaide herself is immediately captivating. John Cleese returns for the second episode in a row, but as both of these episodes aired the same night, it feels like a consistent through-line: in the first half, he’s an eccentric who might be a deranged maniac but is actually harmless, and now he’s a witch who might be harmless but is actually a deranged maniac.

Adelaide gets a compelling amount of detail for someone who’s barely in the show. We don’t get any explanation about her fatal weakness to...fresh air? Coldness in general? Either way, like the Wicked Witch of the West’s lethal reaction to water, it’s absurd that someone like her has managed to live this long. She never says what she needs a child servant for, why she has scissors that seem custom-made for Beatrice’s specific curse, or what her spider-like deal with yarn and wool is (she has a black widow hourglass on her back, but also reminds me of the Greek Fates with her emphasis on thread). We never find out how she’s connected to the Beast, whose theme bleeds into her music as she proclaims, without much prompting, that she follows his commands; her goal of using children as zombie slaves seems counter to his goal of turning them into trees to fuel his soul lantern. But this blend of unexplained characteristics and seemingly inconsistent motives only makes her more enthralling to me, because she feels like the major villain of another story who just happens to intersect with ours. 

What makes Adelaide even more compelling on rewatch is that her scissors, despite their gruesome method for curing the curse, do end up working. Which means she did mean to help Beatrice out as part of the deal. At no point does Adelaide lie, and given Beatrice knows she’s bad news as she lures the brothers in, it becomes clear that for all her villainy, Adelaide is an honest witch. I’m always down for baddies that tell the truth, but it’s of particular interest when we compare her to the Beast, whose whole deal is lying. 

The only liar in this episode is Beatrice, even if she wanted to set things straight without hurting anyone; she values her friendship with the boys so much now that she’d rather make herself a servant to Adelaide than just tell them she’s dangerous and reveal that she lied. By the time she’s willing to tell the truth, it’s too late, and not even saving Greg and Wirt by killing Adelaide is enough for Wirt to forgive her. Considering he knows in The Unknown that the scissors he uses to escape the yarn can save her family, he was also listening in on the end of the conversation before entering the house, which means he must have heard that she was willing to sacrifice herself, but that doesn’t matter either. Beatrice gave the boys hope, and no matter how badly she tried to stop it, the encounter with Adelaide transforms Wirt. Where he was once nervous and unsure, and was then briefly optimistic, he’s now sullen and untrusting.

But again, in comes Jason Funderburker, croaking and hopping on all fours once more to bring some light to the darkening series. He doesn’t do much for Wirt, but allows Greg to quickly get over whatever trauma he had about getting webbed up in yarn; he’s remarkably quiet about it, but it’s important to remember that he was betrayed, too. Whether he doesn’t understand exactly what happened or is just quicker to forgive, Greg is fine with Beatrice, allowing us to focus harder on Wirt’s reaction from now on.

It’s all rain and winter for Wirt until the end of his adventure. But the show isn’t content to leave him even slightly forlorn: when it gets too dark, he has a frog to swallow a lantern to light the way, and when it gets too cold, he has a brother to cover him in leaves, and when he falls, he has Beatrice to help pull him back up. Even the Woodsman tries to save him in his own way (talk about folks who are bad at communication). Bad things happen, and people make mistakes, but the bigger mistake is allowing that to close you off to others, or to never forgive friends that are genuinely sorry. Our heroes have taken the ferry to the other side, and now the story can shift to one about the folly of abandoning all hope.

Where have we come, and where shall we end?

On top of Jason Funderberker, who’s set up as a major rival to make his eventual reveal one of the show’s best jokes, Wirt gives Beatrice a general summary of Into the Unknown three episodes before we see it play out.

[dammitadolfnomorecake]

DOTW 19 - Full

Hanji wanted to throw a Welcome Home party for him, while Eren didn't want a party. They'd compromised, and now Eren was hiding out in his room, avoiding said party. Marco had already found him, his friend's stomach swollen into a small adorable bump, which his ear was against. Downstairs Levi was with Hanji and Moblit, after clinging to the presence of the alpha while copped up in hospital, his anxieties were now getting the better of him. He didn't know what to say, or do. It didn't matter that he'd missed Levi while he was with Zeke, nor did it matter that he'd ached for him during his heat. Even if it'd been 8 weeks, it felt like a lifetime had passed between them "Eren, you still awake?" Scratching his scalp lightly, Eren hummed up at Marco "Yeah. Barely though. I'm a terrible host. You're the one who's pregnant, yet I'm the one laying with my head in your lap" Marco laughed lightly. His friend didn't seem to care he'd disappeared completely, only that he was finally back. He'd spent the first hour or so, not knowing what to say. Then Marco had followed him up to his room, and made the first move. He'd assured him he didn't have to talk if he wasn't ready, for that he was grateful. Marco was so soft and sweet. He didn't want him to know "You've got a boot thing on your leg, and a cast on your arm. All I've got is a baby and indigestion" "You're going to be such a good mum. Do you know what it is?" "We decided to wait until they're born" "Awww. Either way, it's going to be adorable if it looks like you" "I just hope it doesn't have Jean's big head" Giggling, Eren had to agree with that. Something that big, just wasn't supposed to come out an opening that small. Babies in general were weird, but pregnancy was even weirder "It's still cool though. A tiny person is growing inside you" "One day, you'll have your own tiny person inside you" "I don't know about that. That means finding an alpha, and having sex and all that seems like effort" "What do you mean, finding an alpha? What about Levi?" Groaning, Eren rolled onto his side so he was facing away from Marco's stomach "That's complicated" "What's so complicated about it?" "I'm not in the headspace for anything. We got close... but I can't... I can barely stand being touched. I mean like, you're ok because you're an omega, but alphas... it's iffy" "You know, I don't think Jean would mind if you stayed with us" "No. This place is as good as any. It just feels weird being back" "Um... I know I said I wasn't going to push you to talk, but if you want to. I'll listen" "It's ok. It's nicer than the hospital" "Other than the stairs" "Yeah. I'm over them already. When we came home yesterday, Hanji sent me up to have a nap, then she called me down for dinner, then she sent me back to up to my room, then called me down again to see if I wanted to watch a movie with her and Moblit. 5 times up and down those stairs... it was definitely some kind of torture" "Jean's all paranoid about the baby. He won't let me do steps. I'm like 5 months. Steps are not the end of the world" "He just loves you" "He does. He's working a crazy amount of overtime so he can buy everything. I told him I didn't have to quit work, but he wants to take care of us" "You're lucky you have a good alpha" "I know I am. Do you know if Hanji's had any luck conceiving yet?" "I have no idea. Probably. I get the feeling that if she was, she wouldn't want to tell me" "Why not?" "She'd say she doesn't want me worrying or something" "I hope she does. Fall pregnant I mean" "Mmm. She'd be another good mum. The kid would be crazy, and Moblit would probably have a mental breakdown, but he'd love every second of it" Without really realising, Eren's right hand had moved to his stomach. His last heat had been rough. The need to breed, with Levi, and to be thoroughly bred into pregnancy physically hurt. He'd sobbed for the alpha, while Zeke was away for work. He'd nearly broken down the apartment door in his haze of need "I think you'd made a good mum too. Your kids would have such pretty eyes" "I don't know. I think I'd be scared for them to be an omega" "Things are changing for omegas" "Yeah, but that doesn't mean everyone is going to change. Sorry. I don't want to be a downer, not when this little ones growing so fast" Yawning, he closed his eyes "I think we could both use a nap. I don't even do things, and I'm still tired" "It should be ok, I mean, I should be ok if you want to nap up here" "You just want me in your bed and under the covers" "Can you blame me? You're nice and warm" And omega. And omega who wasn't going to hold him down, or try and bond with him. His omega was loving the contact of another person, something none of the alphas in his life could give. Moblit didn't even have to touch him for him to want to vomit, while Hanji left his stomach rolling because she kept forgetting about the "no touching" thing. He honestly didn't know how to make this situation work, when his nerves and anxieties, coupled with his retraining made the house feel so unwelcome. Even when it came to his room, he felt like he was invading and that he shouldn't be there "I need to pee again. Get comfy while I'm gone?" "I don't think I'd have the patience to pee every five minutes" "You should have seen the morning sickness then. It got so bad that Jean made a bed in the guest bathroom for me" "That's kind of..." "Gross and sweet at the same time?" "Yeah" "It was" Wriggling off Marco's lap, Eren waited until his friend was standing before crawling under the covers of his bed. He hadn't asked Hanji to invite Levi and Marco over, so as far as he was concerned, Hanji could deal with Levi. He and Marco both wanted to nap, so they would. He just hoped he wouldn't have a nightmare or wake up screaming, or even worse, hit Marco. He truly treasured his friendship with the omega, and even if it meant forcing himself not to think about everything he'd missed in his absence, he wanted to salvage it. He wanted to be there for Marco and his baby. Rubbing his swell as he walked across to Eren's bed, Marco smiled shyly as he climbed under the covers to join him "The baby was kicking again" "And I missed it?" "Sorry. They're super active, but seem to get all shy when someone's around" "So they're already taking after you" Teasing Marco gently, his friend took his hand and slipped it up under his shirt "Wait... there, can you feel it?" There was the faintest of movements beneath his fingertips, yet his heart swelled at the sensation. His omega piping up about how much it wanted a child. Part of him was still jealous it wasn't him who was pregnant, but the feeling of Marco's baby was amazing "Yeah... wow" "It's a little strange" "It's awesome" "Jean says he never feels it" "It's really faint. He was probably expecting a solid kick" "It's a solid kick inside me" "Mmm. I can't even imagine" Sliding his cast hand free, he rest it on Marco's hip. His friend starting to purr as he wrapped in one arm loosely around him "I really missed this. I missed hanging out with you" "I missed you too. I still haven't gone through all your texts, but I saw your ultrasounds" "It's ok. They're just mostly me talking at you. I haven't got that many friends, and being home alone gets lonely" "I promise I'll message back. I'm still trying to get through all the ones Levi sent" "Didn't Levi know you didn't have your phone?" "He did... he, um, he said he was looking for me, and he'd message me about his day" "You say you don't have an alpha, but I'm pretty sure if you told Levi you wanted to bond, he'd give you his mark in a heartbeat" He probably would... but the idea of being marked was scary as fuck. Having a permanent connection to one person for the rest of your life seemed an impossible dream "He's a good alpha. Hanji used to apologise for his bluntness and his crankiness, but he wasn't really like that with me. I don't know why" "Because you're cute?" "No, I'm all tall and thin" "And totally cute. Even with your moonboot and cast" Groaning, Eren buried his face in his pillow "I'm so over casts and boots and splints. Hanji said it has to stay on during the day until I've recovered completely" He had to take all sorts of pills too. Painkillers, mood stabilisers, antidepressants, anti nausea, vitamins. He was well and truly over taking tablets "How do you even shower?" "In a stupid chair. I wanted to have a bath last night, but that meant not getting the splint wet, or the cast and then that seemed like too much effort" "Doesn't it get wet in the shower?" "I take the splint and that off. And it doesn't get soaked like in a bath. Anyway. Tell more about the baby" "I've learnt that pregnancy makes you like super horny. Jean can't keep his hands off me" Wrinkling his nose, the omega shook his head "I said that baby. Not your sex life" "I'm just saying. All it takes is a whiff of Jean..." "Lalalala" Pinching him, Eren poked his tongue out "Fine. The baby is going great. Right on the track. Good vitals... good heartbeat. Tiny and perfect. We've been trying to decide on the nursery. I was thinking scandi-chic, but Jean was thinking more fun" "Scandi-chic has been done to death" "That's because it works" "It worked so well that everything looks the same. There's nothing really special about it. This little bean of yours is special" "They are. I don't know... there's just so many options" "Just avoid Jean's opinions and you'll be safe" "I can picture it now. A bright red wall for a newborn. It's not exactly calming" His voice shook slightly "Red isn't a great colour" Red was the colour of blood... red blood that didn't stop... "Eren?" His scent had shifted, betraying his miniblip of fear "Sorry. It's ok. Just, yeah. What about green? Or blue?" "Yeah, but do you know how many shades there are?" "We could, um, look at them together?" He didn't want to boss Marco into his ideas or ruin his dreams... "That would be so much help. I've been looking at everything on my own, well, when Jean isn't home to stop me and it feels like someone's split by head open, and everything is just melting out" "I don't think it works that way" "There's just so much! People used to raise babies in tents, and now they're like, each baby has to have its own room..." "Ok. Ok. I don't get it, but we'll take a look after our nap?" "Mmm. I have photos on my phone. I've like screen-shotted everything so I can show Jean" Resuming his purr, Eren's own omega began to purr back, feeding off of Marco's happiness and pheromones. Apparently it was common for omegas to feel maternal when around pregnant omegas, leaving him to hope he didn't just blurt out how jealous he was and ruin it all. Neither of them actually fell asleep. After a few minutes, Marco started giggling before he started tickling him. Unable to retaliate without the fear of smacking Marco's stomach, he pled for mercy until his friend finally stopped "Isn't it funny. I was so tired before, but now we're lying down, I can't get to sleep" Sighing softly, he patted Marco's hip "Grab your phone then, we'll start looking at baby things" "I thought you were sleepy" "I'm not promising I'll stay awake..." "Hey, my tastes aren't so boring that they'll put you to sleep" "I don't know, I haven't seen them yet" "You know, if they do put you to sleep, it's a good sign it's going to put the baby to sleep" "I give you permission to baby me if I fall asleep" Marco groaned, shaking his head as he fished out his phone "Don't even go there. Since my breasts started to develop, Jean won't leave them alone" "They're so tiny and cute" "I'll give you tiny.... and cute..." Tapping on his phone, Marco pulled up his latest ultrasound. Eren awwed over the small image "See" "Very tiny and very cute. I yield. Now, I want to see everything" Marco had what seemed to be thousands of screenshots, leaving Eren's head muddled. He could see why Marco was struggling, and understand why Jean couldn't catch up. His friend had so many ideas, and couldn't just settle on one. It was completely adorable. Marco's scent was so happy, his eyes bright as he talked a million miles a minute. Time slipped away from them completely, until a light knock interrupted Marco "Hey boys, sorry but Jean is out the front. He said he messaged?" Marco rolled over, beginning to climb from his bed "Thanks Hanji. We got caught up talking all things baby" "Did you two have a good time?" "Yeah. I'll see you soon, right Eren?" "Yep. If you get any more ideas, message me" "I might just message you anyway" "Sounds good. Hanji, make sure he gets down the stairs ok?" "You're not coming down? Moblit made cake" "He doesn't like the stairs" Turning back to look at him, Eren poked his tongue out at Marco "Dobber" "You started it" "I'm legitimately worried about you... and you're the one who said Jean won't let you do stairs alone" "I didn't think you'd use it against me" "It's all part of my evil plan" Marco rolled his eyes "I think that means he's staying in bed" "Yep. Thanks for coming over... I needed this. There hasn't been much to laugh about lately" His friend gave softened before brightening again "I know. Call me if you need me. Anytime" "I will" He wouldn't. He really wouldn't, but Marco looked so hopeful about it. * Levi'd expected Eren to be a little distant now that he was back at Hanji's, but he hadn't expected Eren to be in bed with his best friend. More than once he'd caught the sound of the pair of omegas giggling or laughing about something. Something that Eren had sorely needed after his recent stay in Shinganshima Memorial. Hanji had gushed over how cute the pair of them where, laying in bed together. He hadn't meant for his alpha to raise its jealous head. He was happy Eren had a friend he could trust... it just sucked it wasn't him. He'd thought with how close they're gotten, and with how Eren didn't want to be touched, that maybe he was special. The omega had let him hold him. Had let him comfort him and be there. Now Eren had Marco, he felt discarded. Eren didn't even want to come down for cake, despite the amount of effort Moblit had gone exerted to make the beast of a creation, and he didn't have an actual reason for wanting to go check on the brat, other than fact he was curious and jealous. Passing him two plates of cake, Levi frowned deeply at them "You've been glaring at it since I came back down. Just go talk to Eren already" "He's..." "Probably not sure what to say. He's in a good mood, so go see him already" Standing next to her husband, Hanji elbowed Moblit's side "Uh. What? Yeah" "You have no idea what just happened, do you?" Moblit snorted lightly "I never do. Why don't you take that up to Eren? You can use it as excuse to talk to him" Laughing, Hanji shoved a kiss to Moblit's cheek "That's what I was saying. You should really listen to what I say more often" "Yes, dear" The pair of them were so in love that it was disgusting. Placing his plate down, he looked at the slice for Eren. It was way too big. The omega wouldn't even be able to finish a third of it, then he'd probably feel guilty over not eating it all. They all knew Eren had bad eating habits, he didn't need a guilt trip over them on his second night back "Go on. Go talk to him already" "I'm going. God. You two are as bad as each other" Eren's door was open, Levi heart momentarily stopping in panic as the unwanted memories of their argument came back. He could see the omega laying in his bed, yet his alpha was still panicked. Eren had run once... what if he left them again? "Are you coming in, or staying out there?" Snorting at the brat's cheek, Levi walked into Eren's room "I have cake" "I can see..." Placing the plate down on the bedside table, he didn't know what to do with himself. Eren's room smelt more of Marco than Eren. The man's scent irritating his nose, and upsetting his alpha. His alpha wanted to protect Eren more than anything in the world, but with the scent of pregnant omega, it wanted to protect Marco too. Conflicted over it own confusion, Levi sighed to himself. He'd swapped suppressants again now that was back at work, so he was still waiting for them to stabilise everything "You can, um, sit. I don't mind" "You don't have to force yourself" "It's ok... having Marco helped my omega settle" Sitting on the edge of Eren's bed, he waited for Eren to pull himself into a sitting position before retrieving the piece of cake and passing it over "Holy shit..." "Yeah. Moblit got a bit carried away, but you don't have to finish it all" "I don't think I can stomach it..." Compared to everything Eren had been eating, the cake was probably was too rich for him to keep it down "Just try a small bit. It's better than hospital food" "Are you going to have some?" "This bit is all yours" "I don't want to eat on my own" "Just eat a little and I'll finish the rest" "Was he mad?" "Mad?" "Because I didn't go down" "Nah. He knows it's going to take some time getting used to be being back here" "Here isn't so bad... it's better than the hospital" "Then why were you hiding up here all night? Did I do something?" "You? No... Marco and I were talking about the baby. He and Jean decided not to find out if it's a boy or girl" If that was all, that didn't explain why they were laying in bed together, and not talking in the living room. If it wasn't him, then it must be Moblit "He looked happy" "He is. He's got so many plans for the nursery that he can't make his mind up" "As long as he doesn't listen to Jean, things should be alright" "I said the same thing... Jean made him quit his job, and Marco's always been so social..." "He's got you to talk to" "Mmm... I don't know how helpful I am though" "I'm sure you two can figure it out" Eren sounded excited about the baby, leaving Levi wondering if the omega wanted a child of his own. Eren would make a good mother. He'd been through so much shit, that he'd be a fierce protector of his pup "Do you want kids?" "I... uh, I don't know. When you have a baby, you're stuck with the father in their lives. If you leave your alpha, they're the one who gets custody... if I had a baby, I don't think I could give them up" He would never make Eren give up their child... no. They weren't a couple. He shouldn't be thinking of nice a well bred Eren would look, or how badly he wanted to be the one to sire his pups. Picking at the top of the cake, Eren sighed softly "Are you sure Moblit isn't mad at me?" "He's not mad. He just got a little carried away while baking" "It's not him. Can you let him know? I don't want to be scared of him, but the house is so big, and I don't feel like I belong here... and the stairs. I fucking hate stairs" "I'm glad it's not personal" "It's not. My nerves are just a bit messed up. Hanji makes me take all these pills. I don't like taking pills" "It won't be forever" "It just feels like it" Finally breaking off a small piece of cake, Eren popped the piece in his mouth, before pulling a face "That good?" "It's too sweet" Taking the plate back, his hand brushed Eren's. Eren letting go of the plate as he cringed from the contact "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you" "No. It took me by surprise. I was ok with Marco, so I should have been ok with you" "Eren" "No. It's stupid... I should be over this" Placing the plate down, Levi held his hands up as if surrendering "You're healing. You don't need to force yourself. We're happy you're here, even though it's not under the best circumstances" "You mean because I'm back only because Zeke died" "Yeah" Fuck. Just. Fuck "I think I want to go bed now" He'd stepped on the Zeke mine, now Eren was throwing up his walls, practically ruining all the work Marco had done to make Eren feel relaxed and happy to be back "Do you want me to stay?" "No. Can you take the cake too?" "Sure. If you need anything, message me" "Yeah. Sure" Taking Eren's slice of cake back downstairs with him, Levi dragged his feet. He'd heard the start of Eren's purring before he'd even reached the doorway. The omega becoming distressed all over again, thanks to him. Joining Hanji and Moblit in the kitchen, Hanji sagged at the sight of the mostly intact piece of cake "He didn't want it?" "No, it wasn't that. After hospital food, it was a bit too much" Moblit sighed softly. He knew this was an attempt at making sure Eren felt welcome "Oh..." "We talked. You haven't done anything wrong. He's just readjusting to being here, and not loving the stairs, or the boot. Marco was a good idea. He was pretty happy to see him again" "I didn't even think. I should have made something lighter..." "Moblit. It's not you, and it's never been you or Hanji or even me. It's whatever was done to him in the past, and his brother was murdered in front of him by seems of it. It's shit. He's been sent back to step one and he's scared and lonely all over again" "Has he said anything about Zeke?" Levi shook his head "I accidentally went there, and he kicked me out" "I've booked him an appointment with his counsellor... do you think he'll be ok with that?" "As long as you ask him, and you're there waiting for him. Last time he was there he had a pretty big panic attack when he came out" "Do you want to take him?" "When is it?" "Friday afternoon" "I've got work. I'm still on probation" Hanji nodded "Then I'll take him, I thought maybe if you did, it wouldn't be so bad for him. I've sent through a fax to Thomas, outlining what we think happened, and Zeke's death. Also the needle thing. I don't want to believe he used, and his blood results didn't show any illicit drugs in his system, but his prints were the only one on the needle" Hanji had been "harassing" the police since they'd visited Eren. She was trying to get Zeke's body released, but as the case was "active", it may be some time before that happened. Even though he hated Zeke, he knew Eren would want to see him again, or at least know what happened to him "That sounds like a fun conversation. You spent a week next to your murdered brother, oh, and why was there a needle in your arm? Was it part of your psychopathic brother's training?" His tone dripped with annoyance. It should be up to Eren what he chose to disclose and when, and more importantly to who "You don't need to word it like that" "It doesn't make it any less true. Eren's gone to bed, so I'm going to go. If something goes wrong, let me know" "Oh... ok... now he's home, I suppose you'll be around more often" "That's up to Eren. Just go easy on him over the boot and the stairs. He already thinks he's still in trouble over returning to Zeke" "The boot's for his own good, and it's not like we change the stairs" "I'm just saying, give him space. Don't make a fuss over anything, even if it's complete shit" "It's easy for you to say that. He seems to trust you more than he trusts us" "That's not true. He can't control his phobias or fears" "I saw how you were with him at the hospital" "And now that he's home, he won't let me near him. He was fine with Marco, because Marco is an omega. If you're so worried about upsetting him by, you're only going to push him away further" Since when was he the one who seemed to understand this relationship shit. He didn't get people. He didn't get day after day in a happy relationship. He had no idea where any of this was coming from, but when it came to Eren, it just seemed to come semi-naturally. * Living at Hanji's felt completely off. Zeke had taken special care to show him everything he'd done wrong. His brother had told him what was wrong with him, and now... he felt like he had no right to be moving around her and Moblit's house when they weren't there. It was strange. He'd... he'd missed them all so much. He missed seeing everyone... well, talking with Levi mostly. He'd struggled so hard to accept that he'd never see Levi again. That whatever they'd had, was now over. Zeke had gotten so mad when he'd mentioned Levi, his brother had thrown him in his room before he could even realise what he'd done wrong. He should have been happy to be back with Zeke, but he just... he wasn't. His brother had changed while they'd been apart. His words hurt just as much as when he'd hit him. He always apologised for losing his temper, but Zeke had started to scare him. Some days he'd be in such a bad mood, Eren would hide under his bed from him... until Zeke would drag him out and force him to talk. All he wanted was to be good, so his brother would love him. He didn't understand how he'd changed so much. How he'd become such a bad omega who needed to be retrained so thoroughly. He'd had two heats while back with his brother. His first heat was more or less normal for him. He could still function, but he'd slipped up. He'd thought of when he'd had sex with Levi, and how Hanji said that it was natural for omegas to touch themselves. He'd tried... he'd barely wrapped his hand around his aching erection when Zeke walked in. His brother livid at the action... slapping him so hard he tasted blood, before telling him it was dirty and wrong, before making him shower under the painfully cold water. He hadn't meant to be wrong. Zeke had taken care of him after that. He'd got him fresh pyjamas and underwear, before tucking him up in bed and apologising. Zeke always apologised. He only hit him because he cared. He loved Zeke. Zeke was the only family he had... but now Zeke was gone and he didn't know what to do anymore. Hanji and Moblit were both at work, and if things were how they'd used to be, he would have cleaned through the house by now. But that was wrong. That was invading their privacy. He didn't pay rent. He didn't pay for food, so he didn't deserve to eat any of it. He couldn't even pay them back for his latest stint in hospital. Or for all the medication he had to take. Levi had said they were happy he was back... but... he wasn't getting better. He still didn't want to be touched. He couldn't stay in the same room as Moblit for very long, and Hanji kept giving him looks of pity. So he spent his days in his room. Sometimes he'd talk to Marco, or Levi. But only if they messaged him first. He didn't want to disturb them. He didn't want to be a burden. Both of them were busy with their own lives, while he was simple just wasting oxygen. He'd thought about doing something about it... he really thought about it... but he was too scared it would hurt. He didn't want to hurt anymore. Everyday hurt. He missed Zeke, and he hated him for leaving him behind again. He was so fucking angry with his brother for dying. For making him someone else's problem and for the fact that no one would even talk about Zeke. He knew that was his fault. He always got so worked up when things some how turned towards him. Everyone wanted him to tell them what happened, even Thomas had tried asking... but he wasn't ready. He didn't want to see the blood anymore. He couldn't even remember Zeke's smile or scent... just the blood and the gurgling sound as it bubbled from his mouth. He felt like he was drowning and he didn't know how to pull himself out. It was surprising how much time had passed like that. He'd already been out of hospital for three weeks. He'd seen Marco twice in that time, and only seen Levi that once. He knew Levi would be there for him, if he reached out his hand, Levi would take it. But everyone he'd reached out to was dead. His mother... she'd protected him... so had Zeke and because he was so stupid and useless they were both gone. If Levi died... he couldn't live with it. The man might be short and cranky, and have really weird taste when it came to music... but so many people loved him. Hell, he saved people's lives. All Eren had ever done was let them die. He wanted to be strong. He wanted to be better so his brother would love and rely on him more... then he'd gone and failed him. It left him physically sick. Hanji didn't know it, but when he was alone, he threw up. His fears would get so bad. His stomach knotting and rolling as he wondered if she or Moblit would really come home. Sometimes the nausea lasted for hours, and some times he felt ok after he puked. The medication was supposed to help with it, but he supposed it didn't really work when you were as useless as he was. Medication never worked properly for him anyway. Thomas had asked him why he wasn't on suppressants, then looked at him like he was a freak when he explained they sent him into heat. It wasn't that he didn't like Thomas... he just felt sure that the man didn't like him. He didn't even know if Moblit liked him anymore. He hadn't been able to eat the cake he'd made... or much of his cooking. Moblit always looked so stressed and tired, and if he was putting a strain on him, wasn't it better they just got rid of him? There weren't enough hours in the day to fix his kind of fucked up... so why was he even around? Why did they bother to save him? * Parking in front of Hanji's, Levi climbed from his car. Both Hanji and Moblit were working, which meant Eren was home alone and after weeks of shitty split shifts, he'd finally got a rare day off, which he hoped to spend with Eren. He'd talked a little with Eren, and knew the omega wasn't handling things well. Hanji and Moblit had both said he spent most of his time in his room, so Levi hoped today's outing would perk the kid up. Normally he'd never set foot in a shitty filthy zoo. All the animals and people and shit. That was a nope. But Marco had messaged him, reaching out on Facebook to ask if he'd be up for joining him and Jean at the zoo. He wanted to invite Eren, but was scared his friend might have a panic attack from the crowds, or from Jean opening his mouth without thinking. They were going to meet up at 10, so he had just over an hour to get Eren up and dressed, before the drive. Shinganshima zoo wasn't a very big place, but like the aquarium on the opposite side of town, it conducted a lot of research, with a specialisation in breeding and trying to bring back species from the brink of extinction. Locking his Range Rover, he jogged up the path and to the front door, pressing he doorbell, before straightening out his clothes. He might have put some effort into looking good for Eren. The light grey shirt he wore hugged his chest nicely, while he'd coupled it with black jeans. Attempting causal without being a slob. When Eren didn't answer, he pressed the doorbell again, remembering how much the omega hated stairs. Giving Eren a few more minutes, he sighed to himself as he fished his keys back out, letting himself into Hanji's house "Hello? Eren?!" Closing the door behind him, he already knew Eren wouldn't be downstairs. Which meant heading up to his room. Taking the stairs two at a time, his heart dropped at the sight of Eren's open door. With how quite it was, his first thought was that Eren had run "Eren?!" "Coming!" Relief washed over him. Doubly so when the guest bathroom door opened, only for it to be snuffed out all over again when he was how distressed Eren was. Not caring about the fact Eren didn't want to be touched, the strode over to the brat and wrapped his arms around him "Hey... what happened?" Shaking his head sadly, Eren buried his face against his shirt "I don't know what to do" "Alright. Can you walk? Just to your room?" Sniffling Eren let himself be led back to his room, where he sank down onto his bed. Squatting down in front of him, Levi reached up and brushed his fringe from his face "Bad day?" "Y-yeah... s-sorry" "Wanna tell me about it?" "I... don't want to upset her" Her had to be Hanji "If it's got you this upset, I'm sure she won't mind you telling me" "I... they're going to get rid of me" "That's not happening anytime soon. She's crazy about you" "There... there was a positive test in the bathroom..." Positive test... oh... Hanji was pregnant... "I can't stay here now" "Hey, you know pregnancy isn't an instant thing. There's still months, and your room isn't the only room" "I... I don't want to stay here" Hiccuping out his words, Eren wiped at his face "Did something happen?" "I don't feel right being here..." Leaning forward, he swapped to kneeling so he could wrap his arms back around Eren "If they didn't want you here, you wouldn't be here" "It's all my fault" "It's not your fault. You haven't done anything wrong. Unless you're the one who got Hanji pregnant" "N-no... they have really loud sex... I... don't want to hear it... anymore" That's enough to scare anyone. They didn't know if anything like that had been done to Eren. They'd all suppressed the fact the omega had tested positive for syphilis, though he been treated and Levi hadn't even been told until Hanji accidentally let it slip when she'd explained the results from the syringe in Eren's arm had come back as free from prints other than his own "You've got your music right?" "Mmm... but... I can't stay here. I don't belong here. I don't belong anywhere" "Can I ask you a question?" "Y-yeah" "Have you felt like that ever since you came back here?" Eren paused, his voice filled with guilt as he replied "Yes. Hanji and Moblit try so hard... but I'm not getting better fast enough. Zeke showed me how wrong I was. How wrong I was for.. for touching their things and cleaning the house. He... he told me how wrong I was" Of course it came back to Zeke. Even dead, the arsehole still had a firm hold on Eren's mind. If Eren felt unloved and unwanted, and that his presence in the house was wrong, he was never going to make any kind of improvements. He already knew Eren was scared of sex, so hearing Hanji and Moblit boning didn't help either "You're not wrong. I'm..." Shit. He didn't know how else to fucking phrase this "I'm not saying Zeke was wrong, but everyone in the world is different. We all have different thoughts and ideas and different ways we get through life. What Zeke taught you, that was his way. It's different to how Moblit and Hanji live. I'm not saying it's wrong, only that it's different" "I don't know what's right anymore" "Eren, do you remember the offer I made you? I told you if you felt like this wasn't working, you can come live with me, or Erwin, or one of our friends" "I don't want to burden anyone else" "You are not a burden. Besides, I two spare rooms, and a cat that spends most of his time alone" "But you're an alpha" "And your an omega" "I have messed up heats... I don't want to upset you" "Eren, we don't have to spend your heats together..." Even if he really wanted to "... I can stay with Erwin, or you can come back here. The most important thing to all of us is that you're safe. I'm not saying you have to say yes right now, but think about it?" Eren nodded, still wiping at his tears "Why did you come over?" "Shit. Right. I totally forgot. We have a date" "We what?" "You, me, Jean and Marco" "Did I forget something again?" "No. Marco asked if I wanted to join them at the zoo. He wanted to ask you, but you'd need a lift so I'm just the driver. No pressure" "No pressure?" "I don't want you to feel uncomfortable, but I thought the zoo would make a nice change. You really liked the aquarium" "Marco wanted me to come?" "Yeah. He messaged me and asked when my next day off was. He also thought you might like another friend who wasn't Jean to hang out with" "Jean has a big mouth... I'm going to slow everyone down" "Why?" "The stupid boot" "The boot isn't invited" "But Hanji..." "Hanji isn't here and you've been cooped up enough. Besides, Marco is pregnant. We'll probably be taking things pretty easy" "No boot... promise?" "Yeah. Also, you have the best paramedic in the whole city with you" Eren snorted out a small laugh "You did save him before... I've... I don't know what to do. I've never been to the zoo before" "You'd never been to the aquarium either, but you still had fun" "I don't have much money either" "That's fine. Consider this an apology" "Apology for what?" "I don't know yet, but I'm likely to do something in the future I'll need to apologise for" "I don't know... you're really nice" "Not always. Just ask Titan" "I don't know what to wear" Eren seems to "not know" much more than Levi remembered him not knowing. The omega was a wreck of sour scent and insecurities. He'd known something was off, but Eren hadn't asked for his help. He should have found a way to swing by sooner "Have you showered today?" "That's what I was doing" "Ok. So what's wrong with what you've got on?" "They're my pyjamas" "I won't tell, if you don't" "I'm not wearing my pyjamas. I want to look okish" "For who?" "What do you mean "for who"?" "Who do you want to look good for?" "Me?" "I was going to say I don't think Marco would care if you showed in your pyjamas, and I wouldn't either. But this is something you want for yourself and you need to do more of that self care shit. Why don't you choose something, and I'll wait by the stairs" "Ok... I need to find my wallet and phone too... it's somewhere in here. I threw it somewhere last night" "It's probably flat them" Eren's lip trembled, despite the fact he was trying to pull himself back together "It's fine. You can use mine for photos" "But... what if you want to use it?" "It's my day off. No ones going to be stupid enough to try and talk to me" "What if there's an emergency?" "Then you'll pass it back to me, right?" "You won't be mad?" "No Eren, I'm not going to be mad. I know you like learning new things" Eren's small smile fell away "Zeke said I learned all the wrong things" "We just had this conversation brat. There's a difference between different and wrong. And everyone's interpretation of them. Ok. You didn't learn things that we consider wrong. Now go pick out some clothes" Eren emerged from his room wearing jeans and an oversized hoodie. It wasn't really hoodie weather, but Levi could see a shirt peaking out from under the hoodie. With a tiny, shy smile, he had Levi's heart racing for all the right reasons. The kid had pulled himself together, and now he was facing the world that he was so scared of. Taking each step slowly, Eren looked to him as if he was proud to be doing something as simple as walking down the stairs. At least if the kid moved in with him, he wouldn't have to worry about the stairs anymore. He'd never really thought about sharing his personal space with anyone, yet he had the feeling that if it was Eren, everything would work out in the end. The omega wouldn't be left alone for hours on his own, Titan would make sure of that. And being in the city, there was always noise and movement, not like out in the suburbs. It would also be closer to the hospital, and to Eren's therapist... they could work to getting him to the point where he could attend his session alone. As for money, it wasn't like Levi couldn't afford to take Eren in. He'd grown up having nothing after his mother died, and had worked hard to get where he was, saving every cent from the shit jobs that got him through high school, then by some miracle, he'd found himself living with Erwin and getting into medical school. It wasn't until his estranged uncle passed that he finally had proper money to get himself set up. Once his probation passed, it would be like it never happened. His job stable enough that he didn't need to worry about finding another... or it would be, provided he didn't punch anyone else. If Eren came to live with him, then all the omega would have to worry about is cleaning up after himself and working out what he wanted in his own life. Levi could and would support him any way that was possible... though it might be his own arrogance showing, but he would be happy with that kind of life "Uh, Levi? Are you ok?" Blinking back to reality, he realised he'd spaced out while watching Eren. The omega blushing slightly as he stared back "Sorry. I was day dreaming" "Do I want to know what it was about?" "Titan" "You were staring at me, while thinking of your cat" "Yep. Let's go, before he finds out" "He's a cat and he's at your place. How is supposed to find out?" "It's a cat owner thing. They know everything, and they see everything. They don't even need to be near you to be mad at you. In all honesty, you never really own a cat. It owns you. Your house. Your furniture. The soul of your first born child..." "Cats sound funny" "They are. You should have seen Titan as a kitten. Everything was too much effort for him, that and his arse was too heavy. He couldn't even climb onto the sofa because that was too much effort" "Shit. That would have been adorable" "It was. Until he finally got big enough to climb. After that, no toes were safe" "What about now?" "He's mellowed in his old age. He much prefers curling up next to you while you sleep, or stretching out and making it impossible to move" "I've never had a pet before" "Titan would love to have the company" "You said "no pressure"" "I know. I'm just saying. Anyway, in order to leave, we actually have to go" "Like outside the door?" "Yep" "God. The effort..." Walking over to the front door, Levi opened it for Eren. Eren giving him an exaggerated sigh before limping towards it "Does your ankle hurt?" "No, it's just stiff from that stupid boot. It'll loosen up" "If it starts to hurt, let me know" "Yes, Mr Doctor Levi, sir" "Sir? That's a new one, brat" Eren shrugged, heading out the door in front of him. Sir... he wasn't one for pets names, but something ran through him at the sound it it. Sir. Maybe it was Eren's answer to brat? * Sitting in Levi's car, Eren wasn't sure about the zoo thing. He was happy to see Marco, but wasn't thrilled about seeing Jean. Even if Jean didn't mean any harm, he always just spat out whatever he was thinking. When he woke up that morning, he'd never thought he'd be going to the zoo, or having a breakdown in Levi's arms. He was just grateful the he'd showered after vomiting. He was happy and excited for Hanji, she and Moblit had wanted babies for so long. But he didn't know if he could handle being around a hormonal Hanji, or a baby. He didn't know what set off his anxieties, and often he'd snap over nothing, at himself. He didn't want anything happening near the baby. Letting his eyes wander over Levi's dashboard, his attention was caught by the gold chain looping down from around the rearview mirror, a small gold turtle pendant swaying with movement of the car. That hadn't been there the last time he'd been in the car... and it was so pretty, and something Levi wouldn't have bought for himself. His heart dropped a little. If Levi hadn't bought it for himself, then someone had gifted it to him. Someone important enough that Levi had it hanging in his car, where it was a constant reminder of that person "Brat? You ok?" "Yeah. Um... how much further?" "We're nearly there. It's not a huge place, but I think you'll like it" "Have you been before?" "Nope. This one's new to me too" He was right. Zoo's weren't really Levi's thing. Was Levi really ok with going to the zoo? Staring down at his lap, he mumbled at his hands "We don't have to go if you don't want to" "I didn't say I didn't want to go" "But there must be a reason you haven't" "Because I had no one I wanted to go with before" "You have Hanji and Moblit" "Can you imagine trying to go to the zoo with Hanji? It would be a nightmare. She'd probably just get us kicked out, or get herself lost" "Then why go with me? And Jean and Marco?" "Because you're not annoying, like Hanji. And before you say you are, you're not" "But... you don't know Jean and Marco" "No, not really. I know Jean is an enormous arse, and that Marco is your best friend. They're important to you" "That's to me, not to you" Levi sighed, the man drumming his fingers on the steering wheel as they came to a stop at red light "Look. What do you want me to say?" "I want to know why you'd do this. For someone like me. You just don't seem like the kind of person who'd want to go to a zoo willingly" "You really don't know?" What was he supposed to know? He felt like he didn't know much of anything anymore, not that he really had "No?" "You're important, ok. Just like Marco is important to you, you're important to me. Now I sound like a shitty idiot. I'd planned to take you at some point, Marco just got in sooner than I did" "You wanted to take me?" "Yeah. I saw how happy the aquarium made you" "But you don't like zoos" "I thought you would like it" "But you don't" Levi sighed again "Eren, I wanted to bring you out here. I wanted, want to do things with you" "Don't you get mad at me for not knowing anything?" "No, I don't. It's honestly refreshing, spending time with you that is. Now, do you have any more questions?" "No..." "You're not going to ask about the necklace? You keep staring at it" Sprung. He hadn't meant to be so fucking obvious "It's just pretty" "Do you want to know why it's hanging there?" Yes! No. Maybe. He did, but he didn't want to hear Levi had found someone special "You don't have to tell me" "I bought it for you. When we were at the aquarium. You were so excited over the turtles, and the stone reminds me of your eyes. I was going to give it to you at some point, but then you left... and I kept it up there. To remind me of you" "What do I say to that?" "You don't have to say anything" "I didn't think... that I meant that much to you... " That didn't quite sound how he'd wanted it to sound, so rushed to add "That you'd hang a necklace up and all" "Brat. You're really fucking dense sometimes. You know I care about you" "Um... I'm sorry. I... uh, didn't mean it how it sounded" So he was important to Levi! And the alpha actually cared about him. The necklace wasn't something he'd choose for himself, but he felt stupidly happy knowing Levi had chosen it just for him, and it wasn't a gift to the alpha "Give me a minute, you can put it once we reach the zoo" "You still want me to have it?" "I bought it for you, so yes. If you don't like it, you don't have to put it on" "No. No. I like it. Thank you" He'd been so down this morning, now it felt like he was in some kind of dream. Maybe he'd lost his mind? Pulling into the zoos carpark, Levi managed to find a spot near Jean's car. His friends were making out as if they weren't in public. Blushing, he looked away from the sight "I bet they don't even realise we're here" "Probably not... come here" Taking the necklace down from around the mirror, Levi undid the clip and waited for him to lean in. Placing the necklace around his neck, Eren's heart raced at the close and intimate touch across his nape. Whining softly, he wanted to throw himself into Levi's hold, but it was over way too soon. Pulling his hand back, Levi took the small pendant into his hold "It suits you, but it's only plated, so you'll want to take it off when you shower" "Ok, thank you" He sounded out of breath. Snorting lightly, Levi pulled back completely, the moment over between them. Leaving Eren slightly disappointed Levi hadn't kissed him "Oh, Marco's noticed us" "I suppose we should probably get out of the car then" Jean and Marco were still straightening themselves out as Eren climbed from Levi's Range Rover, ending up with him seeing more of Jean than he'd wanted to. Rushing to the back of Levi's car, he shook himself off, feeling like the image of the alpha's spent junk was going to haunt him forever "You ok, you look a little pale" "I just saw Jean's dick... it... was gross" Levi laughed openly, reaching out and pulling him into a hug "Who would have thought shy little Marco had it in him?" "Of course he's had it in him, he's pregnant" "Fuck, brat. I've missed your sarcasm" "I've been traumatised" "They're your friends" Pulling away from Levi, he really wished the alpha hadn't hugged him. Knowing Jean and Marco were sexual deviants was one thing, but he didn't want to see it... now Jean and Marco were going to smell like sex. Couldn't they have got it out there system before they'd gotten to zoo? Or even once they got inside. Somewhere where he didn't have to see it! "Not when they're... can we just go? They can catch up" "Are you ok?" "It's nothing" "Eren" "It's nothing ok. Let's just go" Marco didn't even seem sorry as he and Jean finally joined them. His friend was blushing, and they'd both sprayed down with scent cancellers, but Eren still stayed close to Levi. There were so many people around, that his chest felt tight... and he felt hot. The day was bright and sunny, not really long sleeve weather. He just didn't want Jean saying anything about his cast. Or asking anything about where he'd been "You ok, brat?" "I'm ok... it's just a bit warm" "Why don't you take your hoodie off then?" "No. It's ok" Pulling his phone out, Levi passed it over to him "Take as many photos as you want to" "Are you sure?" "Yeah. Go for it. We can get them printed if you want. Don't worry if you drop it. The case is shock and waterproof" He hadn't been worried about dropping Levi's phone until now. Taking the device gingerly, he now has something else to fear. Armed with his own phone, Marco looped his arm through his, taking Eren's casted hand in his hold "Hey. I was hoping you'd make it... sorry about the carpark, my hormones are out of control. Anywaaaaay. We should get going, there's so much to see here" Levi had said the place wasn't that big... Jean slung his arm over Marco's shoulder, effectively pulling Marco away from him. If that was how it was going to be, why had Marco even invited him? * Levi knew it wasn't Marco's intention to disclude Eren, but the omega was with his alpha and the pair were in a world of their own. He'd call Eren over to show him something, only for Jean to take Marco's attention away from Eren, and for Eren to retreat further into himself. He didn't like it. What was the point of even inviting Eren, Marco was going to spend all his time with Jean. He'd had enough. Eren'd been so happy, and each time he went to share it with Marco, Marco was caught up in Jean. Wrapping his arm around Eren's waist, he placed himself between the two omegas "Eren, can I borrow you for a moment. You guys can go on ahead" Marco frowned, but Jean kissed his mates temple "Just don't take too long, right babe?" "Uh. Yeah... we'll be around here somewhere" Leading Eren in the opposite direction, the omega began to slow, before coming to a stop "Levi, where are we going?" "Just come with me" "But..." "Eren, come with me" "Ok" Pulling the omega back to the start of the mammal area they were in, Levi stopped at the large sign explaining what mammals are "What are doing?" "I can't stand it" "Can't stand what?" "Marco and Jean are off in their own world, and I know he's your best friend, but you look so sad. I know we've been walking around for a while now, and if I could, I would drag you all the way back the entrance of the zoo, so we could do this all over again" Eren's eyes filled with tears, the omega throwing his arms around him "You don't need to cry" "I thought I did something wrong" "No. You've done nothing wrong, and I bet Marco doesn't even know how bad you feel. And really warm..." Moving to place his palm against Eren's forehead, he frowned at the heat he found. A quick glance of the area, showed a shaded bench. Leading him over, he sat Eren down "Here, take your hoodie off" "Why?" "Because you're overheating. You're probably already dehydrating" "I..." "I'm a trained medical professional, listen to me about this, please" "I don't want to make a fuss about the cast" "Eren, I'm not going to make a fuss about the cast" "Jean..." "Don't fucking listen to that horsefaced arse. Seriously, after all the shit he's said to you... he's just not worth it" Unzipping his hoodie, Levi took it from the omega before he decided he still needed it on. The shirt Eren had on beneath was thin enough to see that he'd definitely lost more weight, again "Better?" "Um... yeah, it is" "We need to get some fluids into you too" "You don't need to worry about me" "Then don't do things that make me worry" "I don't mean to" "I know you don't. But I'll still worry for you, even if you tell me not to. Now, I'm going to go find you a bottle of water, you're going to drink it slowly, then we're going to back past all these animals, and you're going to tell me all their names, and if you can't read them, I'll break it down for you" Visibly swallowing, Eren nodded quickly "I'd really like that" Leaning in, Levi kissed his forehead "Stay right here. I promise I'll be back" "Really?" "You have my phone, I might hate the thing, but it's too much bother to activate a new one" Eren gave him a sweet smile as he ducked his head "I'll be back soon" * Feeling like an idiot, Eren sat there holding Levi's phone. The alpha keep seeing right through him, like his walls didn't exist. He'd never thought Levi would pull him away from Marco, but with Jean at Marco's side, he couldn't really as his friend the proper names for things. Staring down at Levi's phone screen, he smiled at the photo of Titan that was his background. The fat cat looked smug as fuck, and completely adorable. Jumping as the device started to call, he eyed Hanji's name on the screen. Levi said calls weren't important, and it was wrong to answer someone else's phone, but it was Hanji... Levi wouldn't be mad if he answered? Looking up, he couldn't see the alpha anywhere, and he realised just how alone he was. Marco and Jean were missing, and Levi was missing. No. They knew where they were. He was the lost one. Drawing his knees up, he answered the call "Levi! Levi, Levi! Please tell me you're not working!" "H-Hanji?" "Eren? Is that you sweetheart?" "Y-Yes" "Oh thank god. I've been trying to call you. Are you with Levi?" "Sorry... my phones at home" "Are you ok? Did something happen?" "I'm ok. Levi will be back soon" "Honey, where are you? Are you alone?" "I'm at the zoo. Marco and Jean are here too" "Is Marco there?" "He and Jean are together somewhere" "And Levi?" "He went to get drinks" "So you're alone" "Levi's coming back" "Stay on the phone with me until he does" Eren bit his lip. Hanji sounded mad at him... she didn't usually call when she was at work, so he didn't think so message her, or Moblit to let them know Levi was taking him out "Eren?" "I'm still here" "Why didn't you tell me you were going out?" "I didn't know... Marco and Levi arranged it. Levi picked me up this morning" Shit. He was fucking crying. Like a fucking idiot. He couldn't stop. He'd made Hanji mad "Eren?" "I'm sorry! My phones flat and you don't call when you're at work! I didn't know... I didn't think.. I'm sorry" "Oh, honey. No. I was worried you'd taken off, when you didn't answer" He knew it. She was still mad that he'd left. She was mad at him. She hadn't forgiven him. He was still a bad omega... it wasn't... it wasn't like he'd thought he'd be gone for so long. "Eren" Rushing to his side, Levi took his phone from him. The alpha sinking down beside him smoothly wrapping his arm around his shaking form "H-Hanji" "Hanji can wait. Here, I need you to sip this for me. Ok?" "She... she's mad at me" "I'm sure she's not. She's probably mad because I didn't think to message her about all this" Opening the bottle of water, Levi pressed it into his hand "Small sips for me, while I talk to Hanji" "I... I'll pay you back for this" "It's fine. Now drink up" It wasn't fine. He'd have to find a way to pay Levi back... because he was really thirsty, but he hadn't paid for the water. Sipping it, Levi smoothly explained everything to Hanji. Eren coming out and back in when Levi said he was taking him out to dinner and that Eren was spending the night at his. It only took Levi a few minutes to sort everything out, hanging up with a sigh "See, nothing to worry about" "Are you sure?" "Yeah. She jumped to panic mode. Then she thought you might be sleeping, so was going to send me around to make sure you got out of bed" "I'm not a little kid" "I know. Now drink your water" Eren pouted, but did as Levi said. Slowly he worked at the bottle until it was half empty "I don't think I can drink anymore right now" "That's fine. Just make sure you keep sipping. Have you cooled down?" "Yeah... will you um, help me with the names now?" "Sure thing, brat" Most animals he knew the basic names for, things like the foxes were pretty cool. The fennec foxes were adorable, and so were the sloths in their own unique way. Meerkats were absolutely adorable, and one he hadn't known... but was able to work out the word on his own. All this things he'd wanted to share with Marco, he could share with Levi. His hand finding Levi's and not letting go as they moved from enclosure to enclosure, until they finally reached where they'd parted with Jean and Marco, saddened to see they were no where close "Hey, Marco really wanted you to be here. He probably didn't think it would end up like this" "I know... I mean, I know he hardly gets to spend time with Jean and their bonded and he's pregnant..." "I'm just sorry they don't get to see how happy and excited you look" "I probably look stupid" "No. You really don't. You, uh..." Levi paused to scratch the back of his head "... look cute" Blaming his burning face on the sunshine. He hated how good Levi made him feel. Wandering into the next area, it was a large grassed picnic area. Marco and Jean were still missing "Do you want me to message them?" "No. They're probably, busy" "Well the left path leads to the birds, while the right leads to the reptiles" "Reptiles" "You don't want to see the birds?" "Birds shouldn't be kept in cages. It's sad" "I thought it would be because you don't like them" "I'm scared of them. We talked about this, I'm sure" "We did. So reptiles?" "If that's ok?" "Reptiles it is. Just don't think I'm going to be touching anything in there" "Wait. You don't like snakes?" "I have a healthy respect for them, when they're behind glass and no where near me" "You don't like things slithering into your bed?" "The only snake I don't mind handling is the one in my pants" Snorting, Eren shook his head "One eyed trouser snakes don't count" Levi raised an eyebrow, an almost smirk on his lips "You know that one?" "Mhmm. Zeke liked reptiles. Did you know legless lizards have tiny legs?" "I did. Although I don't know if I'm impressed or scared that you do?" "I didn't have any books. Zeke had a couple on snakes and reptiles... but they went missing" He'd only got to flick through them a few times before they disappeared from Zeke's room. He didn't ask what happened. If they were gone, then Zeke didn't want them anymore "Lets go see what they have" Would Zeke have liked the zoo? His brother didn't... hadn't seemed really into animals. They never had pets... * Fucking Zeke. For a moment Levi thought Eren had his own interests in reptiles, but it came back to fucking Zeke. He was done with the man. They could cremate him and throw him out the window for all he cared. Holding Eren's hand tight, he walked into the reptile house with the omega. Eren had no way of knowing he'd once witnessed a death from snake bite. It hadn't been pretty. Not after being bitten a dozen times to the face. The tongue swollen so large the owners mouth was blocked completely. His tongues and lips purple and black, and the stink of the rotten body... nope. That was a big nope. Eren didn't need to know this. Leaning him over to the first enclosure, Eren's eyes widened at the green snake. It was tiny, barely noticeable "Imagine having a snake that small" "Really brat?" "It's tiny" "Still probably bigger than Jean's" Eren giggled, before covering his mouth with his hand "We need to find someone else we don't like" "I don't know many of your friends" "You'll meet them. Especially around Christmas. Hanji insists on starting her celebrations in November and going right through until January. Last year was a bit of an exception, due to her marrying Moblit" "Oh! Hey, do you know what 12 25 means?" "Christmas?" Eren frowned at him "What is it?" "Hanji told me to make it my PIN number, but I don't know why" Shitty Glasses. Eren had no idea it was his birthday, and no doubt she would have laughed to herself about it "Probably because it's Christmas Day, and it's kind of hard to forget it" "Wouldn't my birthday be easier?" "And more predictable. Let's continue through here?" He was done looking at snakes already. Even lizards were creepy fuckers, marginally better, but only by a tiny margin. They had scales. They were wankers. And then it happened. It was his fucking bad luck that they were giving a talk by the time they'd rounded the interior of the reptile house, Eren's eyes huge as they settled on the boa laying across the handlers shoulders. Taking a half step behind Eren, he was not ashamed to admit that he was fucking hiding. Snakes shouldn't be that fucking big, but at the same time, all fucking snakes should be that big so you can see those fuckers... but a big snake meant big fangs. Fuck it. Burn them all with fire "It's sooooo pretty. Levi, look at it" Nope. One of the advantages of being vertically challenged was that he didn't have to. Eren was tall enough to hide behind and brush it off as comforting gesture for the omega. A hug with his face buried against Eren's shoulder salvaged his alpha image "Mhmm. Pretty. Yeah" "Do you think they'll let us touch it?" "Probably not" The woman giving the talk continued on for a few more minutes, before offering "pats" to the crowd. He didn't even get to protest, before Eren was slipping out his hold and over to the snake... which seemed to take an immediate liking to him, it's vile form slithering up Eren's arm "You can take photos, but please, no flash" "Levi, can you please take a photo?" No. He didn't want a permanent reminder of this moment... but the bright look Eren gave him as turned back to ask was impossible to say no to. Talked through things by the handler, the demon spawn was laid over Eren's shoulders. Levi mentally glaring at the thing for making his ome... for making his friend so happy. Snapping a few photos, he nodded and the handler lifted the snake from Eren's shoulders. Thanking the woman, Eren returned to his side "Did you see that?" "I did" "It was so heavy!" Taking Eren's hand, the omega was too happy to notice they were making a beeline for the exit. Eren could basically as him for any other pet in the world and he'd agree, provided it wasn't one of those scaly abominations "That was so cool... I wonder if Marco would have held the snake" "He doesn't seem as brave as you are" Eren blushed slightly "I'm not brave" "I think you're very brave" "I'm not... I'm just doing the best I can, and it hasn't been very good lately" "Want to talk about it?" "Not really..." Emerging near the nocturnal animal house, Eren swayed beside him. Levi barely catching him as the omega dropped, a hand coming to touch his forehead "Eren!" "Sorry. I just got a bit dizzy" "Just dizzy? Do you feel light headed dizzy, or sick dizzy?" "There's a difference?" "Shit" People were starting to whisper and stare. Eren was already recovering, but the attention would freak him. Pulling him up and close, the omega leaned heavily against him as his stomach let out a strange gurgle. He was such a fucking idiot. He'd had Eren walking around for hours without thinking about the fact he probably hadn't had breakfast "Let's find somewhere to get lunch" "What..." "When's the last time you ate?" "Last night..." "You need food. I'm an idiot" "What? No, you're not. I'm not hungry" "Your stomach says otherwise. Come over here" On the side of hell in a house, there was a map of the zoo. The nocturnal house came out near the cafe area "Ok. We're going to get food, then we'll double back so you can look at the nocturnal animals" "We don't have to" "Your hungry, and now I'm thinking about food, I'm hungry" He wasn't hungry. His stomach was knotted with worry for Eren. If he voiced his thoughts, Eren would only protest that he was ok. With how light he felt, Levi was sure Eren wasn't eating properly. Eren tried to drag his feet as they walked through the nocturnal enclosure, but Levi wasn't having it. Making it through, the cafe area was actually really pretty. It had an Asian vibe, walled on two sides by thick bamboo stalks, the lush greenery swaying softly in the breeze "Wow" "Yeah" The cafe was set in an older turn of the century styles building, with a wide veranda area, the long central step lead down another decked eating area, after that was grass which circle around a flowing pond "This is so pretty" "Food first, then we can admire the view" "Oh. Hold on..." Sliding his wallet out with his left hand, Eren fumbled it into Levi's "Brat?" "Let me pay. Please?" "You want to pay for lunch?" "Yeah. You paid at the aquarium, so it's like fair, right" "I don't mind paying" "Levi, please let me pay for this. I want to do this" Letting go of Eren's hand, he took the kid's visa from his wallet "Alright. But only because you asked so nicely" "Thank you... it's really hard. Hanji and Moblit won't let me pay for anything. I don't like it" They didn't let him pay because they loved him "Let's find somewhere to sit. You look like you could use a break, in the shade" "I'm fine now" "Are you ignoring directions from a paramedic?" "I would never" "Cheeky shit" Settling Eren so he had back and right side blind spots covered by the wall, Levi dropped a kiss on the top of his head "I'll be right back" "Can you bring back a receipt?" "You want a receipt?" "Yeah" He had no idea why, maybe the omega's anxieties were getting the better of him, or his lack of independence. Choosing two ham and salad rolls, along with two flavoured milks, Levi went to pay for it all with Eren's card, only for it to be declined. Even with their meal costing nearly $30, well it was $26 but that was close enough, it was still declined. He knew Eren should have money from dancing in his account, along with the money Hanji had insisted on putting in there to pay for the cleaning Eren did around the house. It shouldn't have been declined. Paying with his own card, he binned the two receipts that said declined, before heading back out to Eren. Settling down beside him, he handed him the receipt and his card, thankfully it didn't say that it was Levi's card he'd used "Thanks" "Do I want to know about the receipt?" "It's.. stupid. It's got the zoo details and stuff, and I don't want to forget today" Eren wasn't lying, but he also wasn't saying everything. Letting it slide, he pulled his phone back out, sending Hanji a quick text to tell her to check into Eren's finances. He didn't want to believe Zeke would sink low enough to take Eren's money, but he couldn't think of another reason why it would be declined. "They're you guys are! Where were you?" Still mulling over the declined thing, he'd failed to notice Marco and Jean returning. Even more small red marks were on Marco's neck. Great. The pair were off fucking while Eren was hurting over thinking he'd done something wrong. Sitting down across from Eren, Marco smiled at him while Jean mumbled something about getting lunch "We waited for you guys" "Sorry, Hanji called and I got stuck talking to her. She didn't know anything about today" Marco groaned "The baby isn't even here and I have total baby brain. I'm so sorry. What do you think of it all?" "It's really pretty" "Isn't it? Where have you been?" "Just in the mammal section, then the reptile house" "Jean and I, went and saw the birds. You have to go. They have so many, and some of them are huge" Nice to know they'd "waited". Returning to the table, Jean placed a number down before sitting next to Marco, wrapping his arm around him "Where did you two go?" "They went to the reptile house" Eren nodded at Marco's explanation "I got to hold a snake" "You didn't!" "Mhmm. Levi got photos for me" "Why would you want to hold a snake? They're not that interesting" Eren slumped. The effect of Jean's words immediate "I don't know. The thing was bigger than him" "Snakes are gross" "He's pretty good at handling them, especially the big ones" Eren coughed as he choked. The connotations flying right over Jean's head "They're the worst. Nah. Smaller ones are better" Continuing to choke, Levi patted Eren's back until he regained his breath, still coughing slightly as he shook his head "The handler was explaining how the smaller ones, like newborn snakes are even more dangerous than the big ones. The don't know how to hold back the amount of venom they deliver, not like the big ones. You're more likely to die from a small snake" God. The brat was killing him. Placing his hand on Eren's thigh, he squeezed firmly. Jean just sat there and looked dumb, while Marco wrinkled his nose "I saw plenty of snakes growing up. I am in no rush to ever see one again" "Let's stop talking about them, yeah?" "Mmm. Sound good, babe" Kissing Jean, it felt like they were once again being pushed to the outside. Eren hadn't even touched his food after pulling off the tiny bit of bun he'd choked on "Oh! I didn't notice before, is that necklace new? It looks good" Eren's hand went to turtle "Yeah. It was gift" "It reminds me of the watch Jean got me for our anniversary, it was 9 carat with a blue face. That's what reminded me it" He wanted to shake Marco. If he was like this every time he was Jean, he'd have to seriously rethink letting Eren see him with the alpha around. No. Shit. Eren wasn't his fucking property. He had no right to say who Eren could and couldn't see. If he did say something, he'd be no better than Zeke "Levi got it for me, when we went to the aquarium" The aquarium was definitely always going to be a special place for them. He could see the fondness on Eren's face when he mentioned it "I like this place better" And once again Eren slumped at Marco's words. God. The kid didn't get it all. He was just trying to keep the conversation going, and really didn't realise how upset Eren was. He loved Marco, and Marco was hurting him without intending to "I'm not so sure. This place has its charms, but it doesn't have sharks and cat fish" "That's true. I haven't found another grump Levi" Breaking his roll up further, Eren picked the smallest piece to eat. His own roll had half disappeared between his words. He needed to talk to Hanji about Eren's eating habits. This was ridiculous... though if the omega did come live with him, he'd make him whatever he could, when he wanted. Maybe Eren didn't like things and didn't want to upset Hanji and Moblit? "So, what's going on with you two? You seem pretty close" "Levi's my friend" Jean snorted "Alpha's aren't just friends with omega's" Slapping his mates arm gently, Marco shook his head "Eren could be friends with anyone. He's so nice that he just seems to draw people to him" "You're the nice one" Leaning in, Jean nuzzled into Marco's neck, while Eren squirmed beside Levi. The omega wasn't ok with watching this. The omega hadn't been ok with sex before he'd left, this was probably an overload for him. He prayed to whatever powers were out there, that the food would arrive soon. This time, whatever or whoever was up there, actually listened. Eren barely ate half his roll, until Jean teased him about how long he was taking. The omega finishing it in three more bites as if to piss Jean off. It wasn't the best reason to finish a meal, but Eren needed all the calories he could get. The omega may have had Zeke controlling his meals for years, and "teaching" him all the wrong things when it came to eating, but Levi didn't give two shits. What he'd like was for Eren to put on more weight. When he'd met the brat, he'd had some curves, toned curves that had fallen away. Dancing was a hard enough activity, Eren didn't need to be punishing himself over something like eating and trying to look beautiful. Yes the omega was gorgeous, and as erotic as fuck, but Levi cared for the spirit inside the body. For all he cared the brat could put on 500kilos and still be beautiful. He knew it wasn't Hanji's nor Moblit's faults that Eren's bad habits had slipped through their combined radars again. All of them lead busy jobs, their minds never really stopping to rest. He just cursed the fact the Eren felt he needed to starve himself because of Zeke. Marco brushed Jean off after lunch, taking Eren by the hand and leading him from the deck while Levi and Jean were left to awkwardly follow while not wanting to talk to each other or even breathe the same air. He could smell sex on both of them, only serving to piss him off further. He knew pregnant omegas did tend to get ridiculously fucking horny, but most of them took care of it much more discreetly, and not while on what was a "date" with their best friends. Still. He pushed down his annoyance and followed back to the nocturnal animals, getting a few photos of Eren with Marco for Eren's sake. The pair had started whispering about something, and though Levi was sure it wasn't, he hoped there was some kind of apology in Marco's words. From the nocturnal house, the headed back out and towards the exit, Marco saying he was getting tired, while Eren's face had paled. They made a quick stop at the petting zoo, Eren's face lighting up at petting two small deer fawns, while Marco got head butted lightly in the stomach by a third. Was it bad to feel smug over that? It wasn't like the tiny tap hurt the baby, it just felt like karma had taken its revenge in the way Eren would best approve... if the brat believed in taking revenge and all that. From there was the gift shop, where Marco practically dragged Eren straight through telling him how everything was over priced. That didn't mean the kid shouldn't get to at least look. He didn't know the money he'd worked for was gone. Following them out, Marco continued to cling to Eren until they reach their cars. It was there that Eren finally lost his stomach, throwing up at the back of Levi's Range Rover, while Marco backed away and shot him a worried look "It's fine guys. He got a little dehydrated before, I've got it from here" "Are you sure?" "Yeah. Thanks for today" "Eren, message me later, ok? It was good to see you again" Eren nodded, but didn't reply. He was leaning heavily against the back of the car. With Jean needing to get into his own car, Levi moved to place his hand against the small of Eren's back so the omega wouldn't be hurt while Jean reversed. Vomiting again, Eren whimpered as his knees started to fold. Fresh tears ran down Eren's face and his smell was rancid. The poor kid was embarrassed as fuck over all of this "It's ok. Here, hold onto me" "'s on my hand" Normally he'd flinch, even at work it was hard to deal with sticky hands "It's ok. Right now, I would rather keep you standing for the few more seconds" Leaning against him, Eren buried his face into Levi's shoulder, his words mumbled "I'm sorry" "No, you've got nothing to be sorry about" "I got sick" "So?" "I ruined everything" "Nope" "I did... I do" "You don't ruin everything. You've had a long tiring day, emotionally and physically" As Jean pulled away, Marco waved. Ignoring him, Levi lifted Eren off his feet and carried him to the passenger side door. Keeping Eren balanced with his knee, he fumbled his car open and got the omega inside "I'm sorry" "No more sorries. You're staying at my place tonight, and it's much closer than Hanji's" "I don't want to be a burden" "You're not a burden. I never would have offered if I thought you were" Clipping Eren in, he kissed the omega's forehead "We've got a half hour drive, so go ahead and nap if you feel like it" Nodding, Eren wriggled and tried to get comfortable. The zoo might not have gone over as well as the aquarium, but he still fucking happy he'd got to see it with Eren.

[tmcastandcrew]

Hollywood star Simon Baker said he had no acting ambitions at first

April 28, 2018

Thank you  @YohkoTheHunter

Huge Interview ahead >>

He was working as a pool attendant at the newly opened Sanctuary Cove resort. Any spare time, any spare thought, was spent chasing waves on the Gold Coast, and crashing with his surfie mates at their fibro shack which backed on to the beach at Surfers Paradise. It was the twilight of the 1980s and Simon Baker, a carefree school graduate, had no idea, and no real cares, about what lay ahead.

“No, no, no, I didn’t have any acting dreams,” the now 48-year-old father-of-three insists when U on Sunday sits down with him at the plush QT Hotel in Surfers Paradise for a chat about his latest film, Breath, based on Tim Winton’s novel.

It’s about 30 years since Baker lived here. In the interim, his ruggedly handsome face, sharp blue eyes and self-deprecating smile have taken him all the way to Hollywood Boulevard, where he has his own star on the sidewalk; and seen him receive critical acclaim, and an adoring fan base for his movie roles (Red Planet,The Devil Wears Prada and Margin Call) and television gigs (The Guardian, and his most famous role as maverick police consultant Patrick Jane on The Mentalist).

Not surprisingly, this same natural charm led to Baker’s first acting opportunity which came by accident rather than by design. And it happened in Brisbane.

“We were going camping,” he says, setting up the story of how he and a mate were driving up from the Coast when his friend said they had to make a slight detour into Brisbane because he had an audition for a TV ad.

“My friend told me I could wait in the car or come in and hang out; so I came into the waiting room and the casting woman came in with a clipboard and said to me ‘Have you signed in’ and I said: ‘Oh no, I’m just here with a friend’, and she said, ‘why don’t you sign in and go in’.

“I had never done drama or improvisation before. I was used to knocking around with my mates – a bit of jive talk on the beach, on the streets, that’s all,’’ he laughs.

Needless to say he got the gig. Two years later he landed a job on the Australian TV soapie E Street (“I wasn’t trying for it,’’ he again insists) playing fresh-faced Constable Sam Farrell. It was on that series that he met his future wife, Gold Coast-raised actor Rebecca Rigg.

Baker apologises in advance for eating during our chat. His mop of boyish golden-curled hair and grey flecked-stubble is lit with a wide grin, and deep laugh before he proceeds to wolf down a salad wrap and some fruit pieces. He is refuelling after making the most of a rare break from promotional duties at last week’s Queensland premiere of Breath at the Gold Coast Film Festival, to catch up for “a quick paddle with the boys’’.

The boys are Samson Coulter and Ben Spence who play the lead roles of Pikelet, 13, and Loonie, 14, in the film. Baker co-wrote, co-produced and co-stars in Breath which is also his directorial debut.

As a father of two teenage boys himself, Baker has developed a strong bond with his young proteges with Coulter from Sydney and Spence from Western Australia.

Baker’s own family are never far from his mind, and, at an exclusive U on Sundayphoto shoot earlier at Burleigh Heads, he was keen to capture a shot of the stunning beach scene to show his tribe at home. He celebrates 20 years of marriage this year to Rigg and the couple has three children, Stella Breeze, 24, Claude Blue, 19, and Harry Friday, 16.

He says all of his children go for a “paddle now and then’’ but it is his youngest Harry, who has inherited his father’s passion for surfing.

“It’s a great joy in seeing him (Harry) surf and catch waves,’’ he explains. “I like seeing him gain trust and physical confidence in himself; to trust his wits in certain situations, because that is what a lot of what surfing teaches you.’’

Baker explains he tries to find the right balance between encouraging Harry and ensuring he doesn’t pressure his son to tackle challenging waves he is not yet ready for, because “you can’t push them into those things’’. He says it is important that Harry develops his surfing skills at his own pace.

This caring fatherly approach is the opposite pathway taken by his character “Sando’’ in the coming of age film Breath. The adrenaline-junkie Sando is former world professional surfing star Bill Sanderson who becomes like a “guru’’ to his “wide-eyed disciples’’ Bruce “Pikelet” Pike and best friend Ivan “Loonie” Loon.

Pikelet and Loonie, under the tutelage of Sando, learn to surf increasingly bigger and more dangerous monster waves as Sando conditions their minds and bodies to pursue the extraordinary. Pikelet’s parents, played by Richard Roxburgh and Rachael Blake, remain oblivious to their son’s adventures, as Sando lures, even bullies, them on his increasingly perilous missions.

Roxburgh says Baker is a natural director, and an excellent mentor to the young novice actors.

“I was attracted to working with Simon because I’ve always thought he was a lovely bloke, a terrific actor, and I thought he would work really well with the young actors,’’ he says.

Roxburgh says his role as the staid and reserved father becomes a counterpoint to Baker’s risk-taking and larger-than-life Sando.

“My character is part of the domestic backdrop, I’m often at the garden shed, being very kindly and terribly worried about my son’s wellbeing. I know something is wrong, but I cannot identify it,’’ Roxburgh says.

When Sando and Loonie go overseas on a big-wave excursion, an unsettled Pikelet starts spending unhealthy periods of time alone with Sando’s headstrong wife Eva (Elizabeth Debecki), who carries a permanent knee injury from competitive aerial skiing.

“The film is about the anguish of parenting, of being a parent and watching your son moving and shifting away, being pulled away from you in this strong current and the terrible fear that goes with that,’’ Roxburgh says.

It took Sydney-based Baker a year to cast the two leading actors after a social media call-out to competent surfers netted thousands of entries from around the country including many from Queensland’s Gold Coast and Sunshine Coast.

Baker, who did much of his own surfing, is surprised that Winton envisaged him as Sando for the film version of his 2009 Miles Franklin Award winner and much-loved bestseller.

“I suppose I don’t know too many actors who surf, there’s a few that have a paddle,’’ Baker says. “I’m at that point, where it is sort of getting sad, because my body is not keeping up with what my heart and mind want to do, sometimes it’s humiliating and sometimes it’s exhilarating.’’

When producing partner Mark Johnson (Breaking Bad) gave Baker the novel to read in 2015 he was immediately smitten and secretly harboured dreams to direct a film adaptation. Baker has directed several episodes of his television shows, including The Mentalist, over the years.

“We started meeting with a few different directors and started developing the script and at one point Mark turned around and literally said ‘has it occurred to you, that you should direct this film’ and I said ‘Yes’,’’ Baker says.

He did have doubts and he worried about time constraints, but then his seven-year contract on The Mentalist ended.

He has devoted several years to bringing the film to the screen including extensive scouting of the Western Australia coast, where the novel is set, and finding the perfect locations on the southern coastline at Denmark and Ocean Beach.

Baker enlisted “colourful’’ Brisbane-based screenwriter Gerard Lee (Top of the Lake) to help with the film script.

“I knew I had to reduce it down to certain key thematic moments and hone in on those and the story, I had to let go of the book in a lot of ways,’’ he says.

Tasmanian-born Baker sees some similarities with his own childhood, growing up in Lennox Heads, on the northern NSW coast, and spending plenty of time at the beach with his surfing buddies. The former Ballina High School student admits he was more like the reserved and restrained Pikelet than the confident and thrillseeking Loonie or Sando.

“I grew up riding around with a pushbike with my mates, discovering the ocean and surfing,’’ Baker says. “There are a lot of parallels there with the book but there are obvious parallels with a lot of people who grew up in Australia.’’

Roxburgh agrees: “Tim Winton can really write about water, especially about the nature of water: what it is; what it does for us; and what it is to be with it; and to live with such a passion for it.’’

It was while growing up that Baker first developed a love for going to the movies.

“As a kid I would go to see a movie and I would be instantly transported by the story and characters. You go, ‘oh wow, I would like to do that one day’,’’ he says.

The 1957 American classic Old Yeller, about a young boy and his ill-fated dog, profoundly affected him as a Year 3 student.

“It’s funny because I watched Old Yeller with my kids 10 years ago and they were saying ‘why are you making us watch this?’,’’ he says. “It’s so heartbreaking and powerful. I can track back the emotional impact that cinema has had on me over the years to that point.

“I still get so excited about going to the movies, getting a choc-top, sitting in that dark room and letting a film take me away.’’

Baker grew up as Simon Denny – the name of his stepfather – but changed it to Simon Denny Baker after reuniting with his birth father as an adult. He later dropped the Denny part.

In 1993 he won the Logie for most popular new talent and then appeared in Home and Away (as James Hudson: 1993-1994) and Heartbreak High (as Tom Summers: 1996).

Baker and Rigg – who married in 1998 after five years of living together – decided to try their luck in the US, which became their base for 18 years.

Soon after arriving, he landed a role as troubled gay actor Matt Reynolds in the Oscar-winning LA Confidential (1998) and a couple of years later snared the key role of lawyer Nick Fallin in the television series The Guardian (2001-2004).

But it was his role as the cheeky and sharp-minded former conman Patrick Jane on The Mentalist (2008-15) which saw an astronomic popularity rise, especially among women. It was rumoured he signed a contract that delivered a payment of $US30 million for his role as Jane. Some 17 million watched the final episode of The Mentalist in the US alone.

His rising profile also led to contracts promoting prestigious French perfume house Givenchy as well as Longines watches.

“I take my hat off to Simon, and others, who have moved to America and have achieved over there,’’ Roxburgh says.

For Baker, his focus is not on the past but on the future, and that continues to look bright with the actor recently optioning Winton’s latest novel The Shepherd’s Hut.

“You should read it,’’ suggests Baker, flashing that trademark winning smile once more.

[cienie-isengardu]

“My men”

My favorite parts of The Clone Wars Gambit: Stealth book are about preparation for the battle of Kothlis, the fight itself and the after-effects. I always loved how Anakin treats clone troopers; in almost all sources his relationship with clones is marked by mutual respect, and in some cases, a genuine fondness. And every time I re-read these parts from Gambit, the way Skywalker is addressing clone troopers catchs my attention. Because this is not only about how he talks about / with clones it’s the way he is thinking about them. Because this is the biggest difference between him and most of Jedi. Including Ahsoka.

Let’s talk a bit about her POV:

The crowded barracks mess hall erupted into muttering and exclamation. Force-sensing from habit, Ahsoka tasted the clones' swirling emotions. A little caution. A lot of excitement. At first she'd thought the Republic's clone soldiers welcomed battle because they had no choice - because they'd been genetically programmed to fight and not question that duty. But while that was an uncomfortable truth, one she found herself wrestling with more and more as the war dragged on, it was also true that most of the clones she knew enjoyed combat - and not because some Kaminoan scientist had tweaked a test tube and made sure they would. No. They enjoyed winning. Outsmarting the enemy. Liberating citizens who were being used as pawns by Count Dooku, and Nute Gunray, and the other shadowy leaders of the Separatist Alliance.

When Ahsoka came into barracks mess hall, she was force-sensing from habit her environment. Narrative wise, it makes sense she described people around her simple as “clones”, what is helping readers to know who is around her. One word, and we know the basic things (like info estabilished in movies). But then we see further part of Ahsoka’s POV / thoughts and she still think about Republic’s soldiers first and foremost as clones. “[...] it was also true that most of the clones she knew enjoyed combat [...]” instead of, I don’t know, most of men or soldiers? Because we - the readers - already know that she means clone troopers, so narrative-wise there wasn’t any need to point out once again that she is surrounded by clones.

Let’s look at another example:

"Ahsoka," Rex added, skewering her with his most direct, no-nonsense stare. "What's our ETA at Kothlis?"

She checked her almost infallible Jedi time-sense. "Twenty-three minutes, Captain."

"Ground assault's confirmed?"

"Not confirmed, but highly possible. If the Seps have beaten us there and started an invasion of Kothlis, General Kenobi will handle the counter-offensive while my Master and Shadow Company clear the skies."

Rex nodded. "That means you're with us? Good." His gaze swept the hall. "Then we need to gear up. Torrent Company-get to work!"

Within a heartbeat the mood changed again. Lingering anxiety and uncertainty disappeared in a wave of purposeful action as Rex's men began the familiar countdown to combat.

Because she couldn't help with that, because she couldn't do anything now but wait, Ahsoka got out of the way. She perched herself in a corner and tried, like Anakin, to calm herself with meditation. Which was fine, mostly-except one thought kept intruding, over and over.

May the Force be with us. And please, please, don't let my actions get any of these clones killed.

One more look at Ahsoka’s POV, Rex’s men sound much better, right? But then comes “don't let my actions get any of these clones killed”. Once again Ahsoka is thinking about troopers (she cares for!) first and foremost as a clones. It’s not “don't let my actions get any of these MEN killed” and as much as the word clone is not an insult in itself, its use here makes the Ahsoka’s prayer sounds a bit... offensive.

I’m not accusing Ahsoka for prejudice or sense of superiority - and if she even has a bit of these against clones, this is likely unconscious thing that she, as a ~14 years old teenager, learned in the environment in which she grew up. Which means Jedi Order. And let’s be honest, Jedi have that smugness sense of superiority about themselves. This trait is seen awfully lot in TCW and Legends!sources as well.

But Ahsoka is a kid thrown into war she wasn’t ready for, and her mind and awarness of her (and others!) behaviour is still forming up. So I don’t really hold these examples against her.

What can’t be said for Obi-Wan, an adult and supposedly so great Jedi:

"So," her Master added. "I guess now we head for Kothlis."

"Without further delay," said Master Kenobi. "Admiral?"

Yularen nodded, his face grave. Resigned now to what had to be done, no matter how hard he found it. "Agreed. And with any luck we'll beat Grievous to the punch and be waiting for him. Even the smallest advantage might make the difference for us." He toggled the comm button again. "Lieutenant Avrey? We have a mission."

While Yularen relayed battle group orders with staccato speed, Master Kenobi drew Anakin aside with a glance. "I suggest we play to our strengths on this one, Anakin," he said, his voice low. "If we do reach Kothlis and find that Grievous has stolen a march on us, it's likely we'll be looking at both air and ground assaults. Should that prove to be the case, I suggest you lead the fighter squadrons and I'll take care of the ground assault with Captain Rex and our clone trooper companies."

Maybe this is just for narrative purpose, but in-universe there weren’t(??) any other companies under Kenobi and Anakin’s permanent command beside the clone trooper ones. So why it’s so important to mark the fact that their army is made of clones? Or:

"Actually, Anakin, your task is relatively simple," said Obi-Wan. "Engage the enemy and keep on shooting his ships out of the sky until none is left."

Simple? Yeah, right. Although, being coldly dispassionate, Obi-Wan wasn't too far off the mark, come to think of it. "Fine. But what about you?"

"Using the fighters as cover, the clones and I will run Grievous's gauntlet in gunships, make atmospheric entry, and insert on the ground. Kothlis has only two points of interest-the capital, Tal'cara, and the spynet facility on the city's northwest outskirts. We'll target those two areas first and see what happens once they're secured." Obi-Wan looked at Yularen. "Unless you can think of a better plan, Admiral."

"Clones and I”? Is that hard to call them men / troopers / soldiers? We know already that you have clone trooper companies, thank you for reminder, it’s so easy to forget who fight for Republic in CLONE wars.

Indomitable was under way, ponderously heading for Kothlis, flanked by her sister cruisers and trusting to Anakin and his fearless pilots that they wouldn't come to grief before they could defend themselves. Some of Grievous's droid starfighters had broken off their prowling perimeter patrol of his battle group and were heading for the first wave of Republic starfighters, heading for Anakin, recklessly in the lead.

"Thank you, Admiral."

Streams of laserfire, blinking bright, criss-crossed the dark of space. Jinking and swooping, rolling and evading, Anakin and his clone pilots dodged destruction by a finger's-width. Four droid starfighters exploded in durasteel splinters and shards and slag.

"General..." Yularen was frowning. "When do you anticipate launching the gunships?"

Obi-Wan couldn't take his eyes off Gold Squadron - off Anakin. "I don't know yet. As soon as I do, I'll tell you."

Yularen cleared his throat. "That's... a little vague for my liking."

"Really, Admiral?" Obi-Wan made himself look at Yularen and smile with quiet confidence. Through the Force he heard a clone pilot scream. "I don't find it vague at all."

There is a moment, when Obi-Wan uses phrase “Anakin and his fearless pilots“ but soon after that he backs to thinking about them first and foremost as clones. They are clone pilots, like the “clone” term always must be there, no matter how much mentioned troopers already sacrificed their lives for Republic.

"Better hang on, General," said Rex. "That soup you mentioned has started to boil." With a nod to Ahsoka, he grabbed his own helmet and vanished inside it.

"Indeed," said Obi-Wan, snatching hold of a ceiling strap.

Rex's terse words tautened the gunship's atmosphere to the breaking point. The silence beneath all the normal operational noises was absolute, uncanny. Every clone stood with unnerving stillness, head tipped fractionally to one side. They were unified in a private conversation, attention trained on their captain. Last-minute instructions, a rallying pep talk, some kind of clone prayer? Obi-Wan didn't know. He'd never asked. The idea of asking felt-intrusive. Insensitive. Impolite.

On one hand there is Obi-Wan’s awareness that asking troopers about their personal habits may be seen as intrusive curiosity.  He doesn’t want offend them in such impolite way. He doesn’t want invade their privacy. On other hand, it’s curosity related to them being clones. Would he wonder about their last minutes of unifity, if they were natural born soldiers? Would he felt that asking is a insensitive things to do, if he were thinking about them as a real men instead of some unknown species that clones seems to be for Jedi & citizen of Republic? Because this prayer may be a “clone thing”, it gives me feeling like Obi-Wan - consciously or not - see them as separate kind of human race. But it’s maybe just me.

Also, please note: there are moments in book that Obi-Wan calls / thinks about clones either as a good men or Anakin’s men (though the last example was used during quite personal conversation with Skywalker, so Obi-Wan may subconsciously switched to more diplomatic / courteous way of speaking for Anakin’s sake alone). Obi-Wan’s way to adress clone troopers in general are fluid, but still tends to describe them as clones above everything else. And frankly, he isn’t alone with that attitude. During Clone Wars era it’s so common occurrence for citizen of Republic to dehumanize troopers made on Kamino. Because they’re first and foremost a clones, right?

I don’t say they did that on purpose or because of personal hate (with some exceptions of course). It’s rather subconscious action and ignorance and lack of experiences with clone troopers to question their way of thinking. So in the book happens moments like that:

Jefris took a moment, then nodded. His smile faded now; his eyes were more than watchful. "General, you don't have the authority to stand down my men. What you do with your clones is your business, of course. But the hangar crew is mine."

My (non cloned) men vs your clones mentality. Or:

"Recovering your Padawan is," said Yoda gravely. "Your Clone Captain Rex and his sergeant also. Serious their injuries were, but in sufficient time were they treated."

Your clone captain Rex? Seriously? Thank you Yoda for reminder in case  Anakin forget that such important details. It’s not like he is constantly working with this man, riiiiight.

Even those characters who are always presented as the “good guys”, like Bail Organa has moments like that:

As Alderaan's elected Senate representative-and as its Prince-he'd been writing too many letters to bereaved families lately. Sending his sincere condolences for the loss of a loved one who'd perished in the battle to save the Republic.

It's not only the Jedi and the clones who are dying. My people are dying. And there's no manual for that, either.

Once again, clones vs my people.

THAT SAID, IT DOESN’T MEAN KENOBI DOESN’T RESPECT CLONE TROOPERS OR NEVER CARED FOR THEIR LIVES. But his way of thinking contrast a lot with Anakin’s. If you read the book, you will notice that in Anakin’s POV the term “clone(s)” is used too. Sometimes it’s more for narrative purpose (like in some example above), sometimes not. Clone as a word alone is not insult itself; like ARC trooper Alpha once said in New Face of War comics, clone is what he is.

The biggest difference between mentioned characters and Anakin is his MINDSET. Just look at Anakin’s way of adressing (thinking about) clone troopers:

Gold Squadron, with their unerring instinct for imminent trouble; was waiting for him on the hangar deck, laconic and restively ready for action. Clone Captain Fireball, his clipped hair dyed an eye-searing scarlet, a single black-and-scarlet scalp-lock proclaiming his stubborn individuality, greeted him as he joined them.

"General."

"Game on, Fib," he said. "With a twist-we've got no communications."

His captain's only reaction was a raised eyebrow. "Fine. I'll take fighting over chitchat any day."

Oh, these men. He loved them. "It means we're going in hot and wild, no plan but this...  blast those kriffing Sep ships out of my sky."

Fireball grinned with ear-to-ear ferocity. "It'll be our pleasure, General."

The rest of Gold Squadron was listening, their focused attention and absolute belief in him as warm and as reassuring as his mother's hand on his back.

"Grievous is out there, sitting on his clanky butt thinking he's got us whipped before we fire a single shot," he told his pilots, sharing with them his own unbridled ferocity. "I'm in the mood to contradict him, boys. How about you?"

They roared with one voice, clenched fists punching the air above their heads.

"Forget about the comm troubles," he added. "You don't need me telling you what to do. You were born knowing what to do. You've done it before, and after today you'll do it again."

Another roar, louder this time.

"Torrent, Cascade, and Waterfall companies are depending on us to sweep the streets for 'em," he finished. "And we are not going to let them down. Agreed?"

"Agreed!" his pilots shouted, so loud this time that the hangar's metal struts and deck plating thrummed with the sound.

The “Clone Captain Fireball” serve the same purpose like in Ahsoka’s POV; it’s description that helps in narration. One word and we know more or less who is that new person. But after that Anakin is always adressing clones around him either as his pilots or men or boys. Companies sent to Kothlis are depending on them, they are team. Not on me and you (clones).

Anakin is using captain’s name and doesn’t even try to deny how much he loves his pilots, how attached to them he is. Their absolute belief in him is “as warm and as reassuring as his mother's hand on his back”, what is something more than Jedi Order ever gave to him.

He was so proud of them - and at the same time so afraid. The brutal reality of combat meant the odds were they wouldn't all come home. They knew it, too, but no one would read that in their faces - faces that were at first glance, to the uncaring observer, identical. But he knew them as individuals, and he loved them for themselves. He could list each man's scars, recite each man's quirks, describe each man's idiosyncratic hair. Close-helmeted, in full body armor, he knew everyone of them by his walk.

Blindfold me and I'll tell you who laughed.

Letting his gaze touch each unique, committed pilot, he locked their faces tightly in his memory, in case this was the last time.

Anakin sees every clone trooper as individual person. Only uncaring observer could look at their faces and think they’re identical, what alone breaks so common idea that clones are just “duplicated lives” that look human but are not exactly real people. Pilots of Gold Squadron are unique, committed people and Anakin could list each MAN’s scars, recite each MAN’s quirks, and so on. It’s not each CLONE’s scar / quirks / hair, they are MEN in Skywalker’s eyes.

"Good," he said, and took a quick look around the hangar to make sure Gold Squadron was locked and loaded. Yes. Every starfighter was tight and right, canopies engaged. He felt burning in the Force: his pilots' united determination to prevail, to defeat the enemy no matter what was thrown their way.

I'm so lucky to have them. Please, don't let me let them down.

His pilots. Don’t let me let them down. This is similar “prayer” to Ahsoka’s one, except Anakin doesn’t call them clones even in his own mind.

Now, let’s look at the scene after the battle:

"That's excellent news, Admiral. I'll be here waiting for them. Kenobi out."

Anakin shook his head. "Ah-no, you won't."

"I won't?" Obi-Wan's eyebrows shot up. "Anakin, I don't recall needing your permission to..."

"Save your breath," Anakin said flatly. "I'm not arguing this with you. Medic!"

The clone who'd patched up Obi-Wan looked around from packing his medkit. "General Skywalker?"

"When's the next medevac due?"

"In a couple of minutes, sir. But it's not coming here, it's..."

"It is now. Arrange that, would you? Then see General Kenobi safe on board-and if it's not heading back to Indomitable, tell them to make a detour."

The medic nodded. "Yes, sir."

"Anakin..."

Exasperated, Anakin glared at his mentor. "Obi-Wan, you don't need to brief the disaster team and the Bothans. I can do that. And get a proper sitrep and sort out our troops while I'm at it."

"Well, yes, that's true, but..."

"But nothing," he snapped, not the least bit interested in good manners. Sometimes Obi-Wan needed a short, sharp shock. Not your Padawan anymore, remember? "You said it yourself-Chancellor Palpatine has to know what's going on. That's our top priority. And in case you hadn't noticed? You're bleeding again. You belong in a medbay. Now, I've given this soldier a direct order. Don't make him disobey it by being difficult and don't upset the chain of command by countermanding me."

Silence. Obi-Wan stared at him.

[...]

With a cheerful nod at his mute former Master, carefully not looking at the medics, he sauntered out of the loading dock, heading for his fighter. As he walked, he toggled his comlink. "This is Gold Leader. Check in, people. Tell me what's going on."

One by one, his surviving pilots replied. Good news all around. No more casualties, lots more kills, the last of Grievous's garbage disposed of. Kothlis was free at last.

"Good job. Head on home," he told them. "I've got a couple of things to do here but I'll be right behind you. And the drinks are on me."

See a pattern here? Anakin’ POV doesn’t mark at every opportunity that people around him are clones. He sees and speaks about them the same as he does with others. There is medic / soldier instead of clone medic / clone soldiers. Just “our tropers” instead of “our clone companies” (like Obi-Wan said earlier). Check in, people when he is calling his pilots to brief them.

It’s one thing to use words like “clone” for narrative purpose - and sometimes it’s necessery! - and another to always mark that detail. It makes me feel, like characters are so keen to distinguish clones from “naturally born” people. Like there is some big, important difference between both groups that never should be forget (”Your clone captain Rex”, said Yoda. “General, you don't have the authority to stand down my men. What you do with your clones is your business, of course” said Commander Jefris).

In short: Ahsoka and even Kenobi show clones a lot respect and kindness in that story, sure. But the biggest contrast between them and Anakin lays in details. Even in his private thoughts, Anakin does not set apart “clones” from “real” people. Clone Troopers who serve under his command are his men; they are brave soldiers, fearless pilots and good medics as any non cloned ones should be. He sees them first and foremost as people. Anakin’s mindset is what makes him so different from a vast number of presented characters. What I believe is rooted in his life experiences of slavery. Even as a kid, Anakin stood up firmy against dehumanization of slaves.

And it’s even more shame that most (if not all?) sources presenting relationship between Skywalker and clones ignore their similar experiences of slavery and how that aspect affects all of them.

[silkclient90-blog]

Lucinda Williams: Car Wheels on a Gravel Road

When nothing but time can still the pain, a Lucinda Williams song will see you through. In her dry Louisiana drawl, she sings plaintively of abusive childhoods and bad marriages; of drunken bar brawls and suicidal poets; of her own heart that shatters and mends and shatters again, like a puzzle, down-and-out. A magnet for the kind of unrequited love that seems to stop the Earth from turning, Williams persists. Then she’s onto the next town.

Williams was born a rolling stone. Her late father, the poet Miller Williams, was a college professor and the family moved often, to Mexico and Chile and a dozen Southern towns. After Williams was expelled from one New Orleans high school in part for refusing to stand for the Pledge of Allegiance in protest of Vietnam, dad gave her a list of 100 great books to read instead. (Williams’ family of civil rights activists and union workers passed on that spirit of dissent as well.) Miller’s profession brought a young Lucinda into contact with Allen Ginsberg, Charles Bukowski, and, most influentially, Flannery O’Connor. Williams would never let go of her O’Connor-inspired fantasy of writing a Great Southern Novel. Instead, Williams set hers to music, becoming an itinerant Southern Gothic beat.

At 18, she left home and belonged nowhere. There was no alternative country in 1974, no alternative rock, no Americana, and in at least one Austin bar were Williams hoped to perform, no room for another “chick singer.” Nashville told her she was too rock’n’roll. Los Angeles said she was too country. Galvanized by Bob Dylan, Williams’ songwriting evoked his poetic ambition, Bruce Springsteen’s every-people, Joni Mitchell’s confessionalism. The lonesomeness of jukebox country met the darkness of an outlaw. The whiskey-stained tenacity of the blues was spiked with the honey of AM pop. She released two albums, a 1979 covers collection Ramblin and 1980’s thrilling Happy Woman Blues, but did not catch a break until a punk label, Rough Trade, came along and signed her (making her labelmates with Stiff Little Fingers, on the one hand; Leadbelly, on the other). Lucinda Williams, in 1988, was her third album and first masterpiece. Ten years later, Car Wheels on a Gravel Road was her second.

Williams was by then 45 and over two decades into her career at the fringes: touring small clubs, working with small labels, the life of an ’80s indie band more than a country star. She had released only four albums, filled with female characters who wanted it all—sung by a woman who wanted it all, too. The cool girls in Lucinda Williams songs were always packing up, pawning possessions, saving their tips to split town. There was “Maria,” in 1980, who was “wild and restless” and “born to roam.” There was the small-town waitress Sylvia, in 1988’s “The Night’s Too Long,” who resolutely declares “I’m moving away/I’m gonna get what I want.” “One Night Stand” was like a long-lost string-band ancestor of Liz Phair’s “Fuck and Run.” These were mini-manifestos for a female life. Williams’ feminism rang with no stronger conviction than when she used the first-person to narrate her own desires: “Give me what I deserve cause it’s my right!” she longed on her eventual hit, “Passionate Kisses.”

If what she wanted was recognition, or fulfillment, or money—with Car Wheels, she got it. But the road there was almost comically difficult. Labels combusted in her wake: Rough Trade, Chameleon, and American all fell apart after she signed. RCA head Bob Buziak brought her to that label and then got fired. Williams and the music industry seemed allergic to one another. Lucinda Williams was an astonishing album—a classic from a renegade songwriter who never grew too hardened to admit “I just wanted to see you so bad”—but you couldn’t blame the greater public for being somewhat oblivious to it, since Rough Trade went bankrupt shortly after its release. Better-known fans kept the songs alive, with covers from the likes of Tom Petty, Patty Loveless, and Mary Chapin Carpenter. In 1997 the Los Angeles Times wrote: “It’s a good thing Williams has gotten a boost from others, because her own luck as a recording artist has been miserable.”

The six-year gap between 1992’s Sweet Old World and Car Wheels is now charged with myth. By one account, Car Wheels took six tedious years, recorded three times in three cities with three different producers. In reality, there were two years in the studio, from 1995 to 1997, and one scrapped attempt. After Williams started the album with her longtime guitarist and co-producer Gurf Morlix, she felt it was “flat, lifeless, not up to par” and chose to re-record with country fixture Steve Earle and his production partner, Ray Kennedy. She liked their warm, scratchy old equipment and how prominently Kennedy had produced the vocals on Earle’s 1996 album, I Feel Alright. When time ran out, Williams finished the album in L.A. with Roy Bittan, a member of Bruce Springsteen’s E Street Band, adding keyboards, accordions, guitar, and backing vocals. (Though Bittan claimed, “We redid most everything.”) A tornado hit Nashville just as Williams was mastering the finished analog tapes; someone had to race to the studio to save them.

Unlike her hero, Dylan, Williams was mapping directions home. But home, never fixed to one place, was a profound in-between, more like the breeze that pushed her. Car Wheels is a raw, exquisite travelogue of her American South, from Jackson to Vicksburg, from West Memphis to Slidell, from the Louisiana Highway to Lake Ponchatrain. She searched for novelistic detail in back roads and cotton fields and dilapidated shacks. She played furious bluegrass stompers alongside clenching Memphis soul. Williams and an ex-lover drive through Lafayette and Baton Rouge “in a yellow Camino listening to Howlin Wolf.” Loretta, Hank, and ZZ Top are called out by name. “I see the whole thing like a pitch for a little movie,” Williams once said.

But like Flannery O’Connor asserted, “Southern identity is not really connected with mockingbirds and beaten biscuits… an identity is not to be found on the surface.” Worlds exist beneath Car Wheels’ dazzling edges and monumental hooks. As “Concrete and Barbed Wire” evokes its thorny title, Williams wonders about human divides: “This wall is not real/How can it be real?” she sings, nearly cracking a yodel, a possible polemic. (The track was once covered on the compilation Sing Me Home: Songs Against Prison.) And Williams took bold risks: The opener “Right in Time” includes some of her most irreducible, eloquent poetry—“Not a day goes by I don’t think about you/You left your mark on me, it’s permanent, a tattoo”—before becoming a moaned narrative of a woman alone in bed, pleasuring herself. It is unbelievably sensual, a daydream.

The honky-tonk title track is a sung memoir of an uncertain childhood, set in a Macon, Georgia kitchen with Loretta in the air, the smell of eggs and bacon lingering. At the whim of a disgruntled parent, a young Williams watches the world blur from a car window. When she sings of a “little bit of dirt mixed with tears,” she underscores the vulnerability and toughness at the heart of her character—the shy sense of human imperfection that makes her so heroic, unsettled already from a fixed place. There’s an innocence to this phrase, “Car wheels on a gravel road.” Williams’ melodic wording is sensitive to the bumps you feel, bumps that manifest as chaos and grief and troubled men: drunk men, self-destructive men, men in bands, men doing time, ghost men. Her voice cracks and quivers, allowing ugliness when her subject so demands.

Earle was deeply inspired by rap in the mid-’90s, particularly Dr. Dre’s ’92 gangsta rap gamechanger The Chronic. And while there remains no word if Williams shared in that affinity, it’s an illuminating prospect: On Car Wheels, her words are dramatically upfront, suspended, locking into mellow grooves. That’s especially true on “2-Kool 2 B 4-Gotten,” where Williams sings a nonlinear stream of images of rural Mississippi, her most audacious attempt at a surreal, Dylanesque poetry collage. The title of “2 Kool 2 B 4-Gotten” was taken from a phrase scrawled on the wall of a Washington County juke joint—the social gathering spaces of Black Americans in the segregated Jim Crow South—which she found in a 1990 book, Juke Joint, by the photographer Birney Imes.

But Williams sets her scene 50 miles north, in Rosedale, perhaps in homage to bluesman Robert Johnson, who she namechecks in the song and who sang of the same town in his “Traveling Riverside Blues.” Markings from the wall of yet another Juke Joint photo are scattered through Williams’ lyrics: “No dope smoking no beer sold after 12 o’clock,” “No bad language no gambling no fighting,” “Sorry no credit don’t ask,” “Is God the answer YES.” Williams is like a documentarian of these spaces, which incubated the Delta blues and are extinct today. A humble Imes photo of a juke called Turks Place, in Laflore County, also graces the cover of Car Wheels.

Williams sings “2 Kool” with a toughened poise and a dash of nihilism. “You can’t depend on anything really/There’s no promises, there’s no point,” go its opening lines, and while she continues weaving her Southern patchwork—pointing to a serpent handler outside—“2-Kool” ultimately becomes a eulogy for Williams’s ex-boyfriend, Clyde. The jumbled narrative seems to mirror the impossibility of making sense of death; it never quite resolves, feels diffuse, feminine even. When Williams sings of “Leaning against the railing of a Lake Charles bridge,” of how her former lover “asked me baby would you jump in with me,” it recalls another Southern epitaph: Bobbie Gentry’s “Ode to Billie Joe.” Williams wrote the easeful, bittersweet Car Wheels ballad “Lake Charles” for Clyde as well: “Did an angel whisper in your ear?” Williams cries. “And hold you close and take away your fear/In those long last moments?” It is as close to perfect as elegies come.

The soaring, strummed-out build of “Drunken Angel” suggests an opening blue sky. Williams’s most iconic song is another eulogy, this one for her Texan acquaintance, the outlaw underdog Blaze Foley. She wonders why it had to happen, why he had to die in senseless shootout at 39. Williams’ characterization is masterfully vivid: Foley’s outcast glory, his slovenliness. As she describes his “duct tape shoes” and “orphan clothes,” “Drunken Angel” becomes an anthemic honoring of these hidden people—too eccentric, too outside, too much—who cannot bear this world and who this world, in turn, cannot hold.

Car Wheels pivots, by side B, to a fully blistering breakup album. Williams knows what belongs at the soul of these pristine songs about merciless heartache, placing them at a nexus of obsession, rejection, and occasional delusion. “Metal Firecracker” is a flawless vagabond love song: As she is wont to do, Williams turns two people sitting in a car into a film treatment of just eight lines, remembering when she was his “queen,” his “biker,” curling that last word with so much effortless twang you can feel the sun in your eyes. “Once I was in your blood and you were obsessed with me,” Williams pines. “You wanted to paint my picture/You wanted to undress me/You wanted to see me in your future.” Love that is anything less than life-changing infatuation feels fraudulent in Williams’ world.

A gentle and foreboding ballad, “Greenville” is the resilient sound of a betrayed woman trying, with impossible grace, to keep a toxic man out of her life. The quiet of the song is in stark contrast to this aggressor who screams and fights and lies, who “drinks hard liquor and comes on strong,” who compels Williams to imagine “empty bottles and broken glass/Busted down doors and borrowed cash.” “Looking for someone to save you,” Williams sings, conjuring the feeling of being used, “Looking for someone to rave about you.” Strength and tenderness are rarely entwined so consequentially. The angelic harmonies from Emmylou Harris feel like solidarity, like another woman carrying her safely through.

The rootless rhythms of travel are survival mechanisms on Car Wheels. The album’s finger-picked closer “Jackson” is like a drifting Carter Family hymn. The deeper she gets on the road, Williams sings, the less she will miss yet another ex-lover. It’s clear this woman knows the game, the fiction, that time alone repairs a wrecked heart. “Once I get to Lafayette, I’m not gonna mind one bit,” she sings, convincing herself. “Once I get to Baton Rouge, I won’t cry a tear for you.” Car Wheels ends in motion, Williams crisscrossing the country in pursuit of herself, the thing she can count on.

Car Wheels topped the Village Voice’s Pazz and Jop critics poll, earned the Grammy Award for Contemporary Folk Album, and entered the Billboard Top 200. In a four star review for Rolling Stone, Robert Christgau began: “Sometimes it seems Lucinda Williams is too good for this world.” Still, other critics turned mocking eyes at the supposedly “nutty” and delirious “perfectionism” Williams demanded. These criticisms would never so beleaguer a male artist—or as Emmylou Harris put it, “When a guy takes a long time to make a record, he’s a genius. If a woman does that, it’s a different matter.” A Times profile from 1997 illustrated a scene in which Williams’ male collaborators questioned her creative decisions and she proved them wrong. When, in ‘98, someone asked Williams what she learned from the process of making Car Wheels, she said, with some reluctance, “I need to learn to assert myself more in the studio environment because I’m dealing with all men. I wish I had more women to work with.”

Reading the tales of how Williams worked on Car Wheels with a record exec knocking, I’m reminded, again, of her heroine Flannery O’Connor, who refused to open the door of her Georgia home until she had completed her morning writing, even with visitors waiting. “I live in my head, pretty much,” Williams said in 1998. For all of its journeying, Car Wheels on a Gravel Road emerges as eternal proof that home, inside you, is worth fighting for.

Source: https://pitchfork.com/reviews/albums/lucinda-williams-car-wheels-on-a-gravel-road/

[twinflameshardcore]

Waiting for the solar eclipse and playing with gemstones

I’m back and I’m sorry for not writing earlier (and responding your Qs)  but there was nothing to share, I also didn’t sign in and yet I was busy with work here. I was also notified by my higher self that I’ve ‘arrived’ on Earth and I know everything what I should know to calm down, and that I should quit analyzing emotions and bizarre events but focus on my inner integrity, 'feel’ & accept everything what happens on the spiritual level between me and the TF, receive ‘messages’ from the heart to heart just like they happen, and boy, they have been very direct, beautiful and open!

The merging process continues and it’s more and more pleasant. I already can sense my twin in various parts of my body - the chest, kidneys, feet (when I put my toes together it feels as if we kissed!), knees, and specifically the right side of my head (the right brain hemisphere - masculine), the top and the forehead. My remote viewing skill improves, though I still feel like a rookie about it. I’ve experienced the most blissful merging so far when our hearts and brains/minds and chakras glued together. It lasted around 2hrs and felt as if somebody drugged me for a good reason ;) Our connection becomes more physical yet remains on a distance. The brain can’t understand it but it’s like the two distant spaces (and bodies) become one so we exist as if in the same space simultaneously. There’s just more joy of feeling each other lighter and deeper. There’s no more worrying that we have to stay apart, or that we have to communicate in spirit only, yet we have no plans to meet in person again anytime soon. The Universe will push us when it’s our time, and I surrendered to this and been living my life without a former distress. We just continue texting and calling from time to time, but there’s no demand or control issues anymore from my side. This period of time is about ‘who you want to be once you’re re-born, recall what the future version of you prepared for your present self for this timeline’. I’m an amateur artist who loves making practical things so I’m pretty sure this is the right path, but it also needs to pay off.

Recent updates briefly:

- Twin’s still struggling with money so he’s moving to a safer place and looking for a new job which will definitely help him focus on our love finally and figure out what he wants to do next, to give his natural skills some new, useful purpose. Old jobs, old systems don’t work anymore when your vibration increases. If we don’t resonate with something, we send a clear signal - ‘I do not want this, or that person to be a part of me’ and the Universe shifts things to make space in your life for something/somebody better just as you’ve requested. Monitor your thoughts then ;)

- I had two meaningful dreams/ astral experiences: I saw 2 planets overlapping each other in the East/North night sky (static but in the last phase) and a translucent plasma hanging out in the sky at the front of them, frequently pumped with some energy impulses sent from above. A day later I came across a very similar dream/experience shared by Carla Fox on her blog which shocked yet pleased me as it was a pure confirmation that certain people receive it just as it is. Read it here. Then the other dream was about seeing disturbances on a TV screen (like missing pixels) then coming outdoor and seeing a big UFO spaceship with blue lights surrounding its edge and claw-like decorations. It hanged above the roof of a house and made a sound as if of an air conditioner (no such sounds in my house, thus no influence). It covered the entire sky above me, just like in ‘The Independence Day’ movie which I’ve watched over 10 years ago, again no recent influences. They were friendly (I saw no beings, just sensed the entire spaceship) and the overall message was something like: Hello, you’ve done well, we let you see us for a moment so to assure you that we’re real, including things you’ve channeled and galactic races. We’ll’ be back’. I was so happy in the dream, so relieved, that I began clapping while other people ran outdoor to see the spaceship too. It was as if on a parallel Earth because the house was not mine but was placed in my garden, and it has been the 3rd or 4th dream about UFO in all my so far life.

So basically every day brings something new, but sleeping lately is not fun at all. I wake up at night (around 5 am, in recent years I was waking up around 2-3 am) and I’m full awake, not even knowing if I should do anything in spirit or if something is ‘repairing’ me or maybe I already act but in another dimension but I must remain awake and connected with my other ‘version’. There’s certainly some higher purpose for that sleep deprivation, specifically when the mind is not distracted by daily activities, noises etc. yet I can function during the day as if I slept really well.

I’ve been waiting patiently for things to develop on their own because the incoming solar eclipse (02/26) will be in my zodiac (Pisces/Aries, just like, I believe, in 2015) opposing the Moon in Virgo (this position also in my birth chart). The first eclipse this month was in Leo a fire sign and was related to a self-esteem. The next one will be related to becoming one with everything, empathetic, understanding an invisible, just as Pisces naturally do. This passage has a theme of ‘born in fire (masculine), reborn in water (masculine aligned with feminine)’. Leo is “I”. Pisces are ‘AM’ - ascended masters because we’ve an open connection to the Universe, (which is not fun in the 3D world at all, but becomes a major navigational skill in 5D). Thus it’s possible that we may feel as ‘I AM’ this month, ‘I am who I am, and I radiate my being outside’.  This month will also mark my angel’s awakening 1st anniversary (that was on 02/29/2016, the leap day). It’s all leading to something but it’s a mystery again - the Universe likes surprising us when we quit expecting! :)

There’s said to be some big event to happen in April, effecting TFs too. My guess: 4/4, or 4/22 as I’ve been seeing a crazy number of 44s during the last few months. There will be a peak of Lyrid meteors shower on 04/22 - if you’ve studied the galactic races, then you know Lyrans are said to be the oldest in our galaxy (while Draconians are oldest in another galaxy thus we fought). The old war may come to an end finally and we’ll perhaps unite in love ;) My twin may be a feline from Lyra (that would be also a cherub angel, not a guarantee however but I sense him that way) or a Sirian as he’s a highly telepathic & empathetic techie. However, the entire distant past issues interest me less and less as I’ve received what I had to know and it’s only up to the human to accept that knowledge because the brain is a permanent naysayer. I’ve accepted what is my ‘lineage’ and stopped verifying further.

Ascension symptoms: there’s a very strong polarization between energies which Gaia releases and those incoming from the Universe - we transmute these through our bodies. Thighs feel tense, knees may hurt, the back too. Solar plexus and back react to past slavery issues (’I decide who I am and what I want to do, not you’), to all those limitations, blockages imposed by those who didn’t want us evolve and become who we came here to be. US president is a perfect example of a catalyst as he represents the old, hated masculine energy: rude, arrogant, unfair, pushy, unempathetic, selfish etc. Trump’s like a compressor and we’re like ballons in a box, can’t squeeze anymore so we’ll burst, and he’ll and him alike suffer ;) The dying evil energy is looking for ‘donors’, manifesting itself through various events, news, strangers etc. - see a bigger picture, the source of an event, then detach, ignore, or destroy it in spirit. I lately had to spiritually cut some new ‘arm/hose’ which I found attached to my mind delivering some untruth and harmful illusions about my TF (again triggering the ego which was already taught to shut up) - I’ve felt better & fresher in the head since the ‘surgery’.

(Source)

Finally, I returned to one of my old hobbies - collecting gemstones. This time however with a fully conscious purpose as I’ve discovered they ‘speak to me’. I never thought a piece of rock could be that interactive, but I’d denied the awakening, ascension, and many more related things before I experienced them on my own ;) Some have a very direct vibration which I feel, I can read into a stone while touching it (rubbing, scratching, pressing) and 'seeing through’. This may also belong to my newly awakened skills. I mean, I don’t hear any gemstone’s talk ;) It’s more subtle. Like I’ve got a new gemstone, jasper kambaba (tumbled) and my first impression was that this stone scared me, because it was too direct, probing into my soul once touched. Kambaba has traces of algae in them so their surface looks like having a face with eyes often. Then I spent some time holding it, trusting and opening for. A knowing I received was that these stones have a consciousness of, let’s say an Earth djinn, who literately scanned me with its vibration then was willing to be given commands. It’s a protective gemstone, grounding nicely and soothing. It ‘senses’ if I’ve any blockages, weakness in my chakras at the time of scanning, then it ‘seals’ and balances these leakages.

I’ve a few favorite gemstones which I find very useful these days as evil energies try to attach to people to find donors and we need to protect ourselves. These energies are being removed from Gaia one by one but if you allow them to attach, you risk being dragged down into the low vibration and feel really bad, sick, worried, fearful, irritated, disillusional, as they distort the reality. These evil energies will try to separate you from the TF using your brain & logic, so once you’re torn and disintegrated within, you’ll be more available to be a host for such energies. Thus, a black tourmaline (rough, tumbled, or with quartz) is a must-have as it grounds strongly and aligns all chakras, a turquoise (watch for fake, painted gemstones and howlites), galena, jaspers, gypsum (selenite), black onyx (centering emotions), black/snow obsidian (grounding), jet (=gagate) and surely many more which I hadn’t tested yet. I’ve also one favourite which strongly resonates with my crown chakra and that other chakra above - a rough dumortierite gemstone which since the beginning has given me an impression that it’s not originally from Earth but maybe was brought here during some collision, billions of years ago. Very direct vibration opening my head like an arrow! Then sodalite works perfectly with my higher heart chakra. It’s a beautiful blue stone which (when polished) resembles the Earth as seen from above, with its oceans, white surf, clouds and continents. It makes a connection with the twin’s higher heart much easier, just like black/pink rodonite. Carnelian increases my blood pressure which is OK because it’s usually low, but it can be also annoying for the stomach sometime. I also love bloodstones and hematites, tiger’s/hawk’s eyes and citrines. My favourite green gemstone is rough zoisite (especially when watched and felt in a direct sunshine), they usually include rubies too.

I mean every gemstone works differently for individual people. Tumbled/polished gemstones usually generate a softer vibration than rough minerals, and sometime a rough gemstone looks and feels stronger or better than tumbled (crystals should stay rough & sharp, but gemstones for massages should be tumbled). I got an unpolished red jasper but I feel a tumbled one would let me communicate with its energy much deeper so I’m going to get one soon. If some of your chakras are already healthy, balanced and open, then you won’t benefit or even feel a vibration of a highly recommended gemstones, like amethysts. For instance, I’ve no problems with a verbal self-expression, honesty & assertiveness, thus a lapis lazuli or other blue stones don’t resonate with me at all (not every blue stone is for the throat chakra). Amethyst doesn’t do for me either because I’ve the crown chakra open and channeling well. But all other gemstones recommended for bottom chakras (yellow, orange and red), for self-esteem, digestion, root & sacral chakras, the solar plexus, those helping ground my angel here on Earth do their job perfectly :) I’ll be visiting an annual gemstones show next month and I hope to buy a few more, still missing a topaz, sapphire, kyanite, astrophilite, moldavite and a few more to work with but these are sadly expensive. Watch out for charoite though. If you want to but a charoite bead, make sure it looks like a tumbled charoite, because it’s a rare gemstone (only found in Siberia) and there are many fakes on sale.

If you decide to work with gemstones and find your favourite there are a few useful tips: - get that one which calls you, which looks to you more attractive than others, - bigger doesn’t mean better, as little single bead can resonate with you very well. Bigger gemstones are obviously more expensive and are used if you need to clear/protect a large space, the entire house, garden with many energies/people living there etc. - wear it there, where it should be according to how it resonates within your body. Wear a black tourmaline, onyx, obsidian, any other grounding stones around the lower body (in a pocket) but gemstones healing/expending the heart, 3rd eye, crown chakras etc. should be worn or placed on the upper part of the body, - left side is assigned to the feminine energy, right to the masculine, so it also makes sense to hold a gemstone in the proper hand once you feel one of your energies is imbalanced, - try to rub a stone with the edge of your finger (a part/line of skin along the nail and  both sides of the top of a finger), it feels much more joyful as most of nerves are collected there.

The most fun comes when you gather a little collection, understood gemstones meanings and feel their resonance, so then you can group some of them and sense how such a selection makes you feel, if gemstones are happy being together, or not.

One must have a hobby to survive the TF separation, then coming together, merging, alignment, own and his/her energetic imbalances, and all kinds of mysteries involved too ;) My favourite website about gemstones are this and this and this one too.

I’ll look into your Qs soon, patience pls, thanks. Enjoy the eclipse!

This post is copyrighted by the author of this blog who prefers to remain anonymous. My posts must not be used for commercial purposes of any kind. Respect my work - ask first before you copy, always include a link back to my site when you quote a part of my writing!

[brendagilliam2]

What happens when tattoo design meets illustration

Around 2010, I was hanging out with a group of tattoo artists, discussing the rising popularity of tattooing. We thought it was a wave that would soon crash, leaving only the diehard behind. How wrong we were. 

In the last seven years, the tattoo world has exploded. With the help of television, as well as social media, tattooing has been dragged out of the shadows and into the global spotlight. Where once it was looked on as an outsider art form, it is now considered at the forefront of creativity and development. 

If you look back over the history of art, whenever an art form becomes popular, it attracts artists from outside of the medium – artists who recognise that there is potential to play and expand their own creative path. 

This is true for the current trend in tattooing; one where commercial illustrators and designers are crossing over into the tattoo world. And conversely, where tattoo artists are lending their skills to commercial projects.

Designing the outcome

Nomi Chi, a tattooist and visual artist based in Vancouver, showed an interest in illustration early on. At the tender age of 12, she was trying to sell commercial art, and at 15, Chi discovered tattooing through a combination of a rebellious teenager’s attraction to the subversive side of art, plus the burgeoning growth in tattooing and the run of tattoo-related television shows and social media. 

Chi attended university, where she studied illustration, but over the years found that she had distanced herself from illustration as an applied art, and moved into an area that straddled the line between gallery art and illustration. 

“Tattooing seemed like a pretty organic development, although at the time I was determined to do concept art for video games and movies,” says Chi. “I had a lackadaisical apprenticeship, which I landed through sheer luck. At the time, I had very little knowledge of tattooing or tattoo culture, and I had only ever seen a tattoo machine once before.”

Tattooing was an organic development for visual artist Nomi Chi

Martha Smith, a tattoo artist based in London, who studied Illustration at Camberwell College of Arts, also found the move into tattooing a natural progression of her artistic development – the freedom of process found within tattooing being just one aspect she was drawn to. 

While at college, Smith quickly realised that the course was incredibly concept-led. Preferring process-based work, she started printmaking, and it was with this medium that she began developing an aesthetic that would later translate into tattoos.

“I always had an interest in tattooing, but before I attended art school, most of the tattoos I saw were traditional, or realism tattoos, which never really appealed to me,” she says. 

Martha Smith’s interest in printing ignited the aesthetic that she now translates into her intricate tattoo designs

“Then, Sang Bleu Magazine came out and I was exposed to new artists such as Liam Sparkes and Maxime Buchi, who came from illustration and graphic design backgrounds, but were tattooing in a similar way to the way I printed. It was then that I thought it would be something I’d like to pursue.” 

Smith points to many parallels between the process of printing and tattooing, citing the permanence and strength of line, the understanding of the tools and the medium as examples. 

“There are also many similarities in the way a brief is structured in tattooing and illustration,” she adds. “It felt like a natural pathway into full-time illustration work, but with constant briefs and a sustainable income.” 

Guaranteed income

Both Chi and Smith moved into tattooing while keeping their illustrative careers going at the same time. The guaranteed income from tattooing gave them the freedom to pick up side work in visual art and illustration, something which is echoed in many other tattoo artists’ careers.

The converse of this approach is seen in artists such as Ollie Munden, who works as a lead designer for ilovedust, as well as having his own studio, Megamunden. His beautifully illustrated book, The Tattoo Colouring Book, came out in 2013, and was an opportunity to combine his love of illustration and tattoo design. Unlike Chi and Smith, Munden doesn’t actually tattoo. 

Aasen Stephenson is another tattoo designer, but not a tattoo artist. His work came to prominence when he used a tattoo machine to etch his designs onto a range of stylish leather shoes. 

A pair of engraved shoes by Aasen Stephenson

“I’d been doing some bits of artwork for Jeffery West, and we started to throw around the idea of customising a shoe once it had been made in-store, in front of the customers,” he recalls. 

“It took a while to figure out what would work and give the best results, but engraving seemed to be the best option.” Stephenson tried using several engravers until he hit upon the idea of using a tattoo machine, which gave good results, “and also looked cool in-store.” Although new to tattooing, Stephenson created all the designs freehand, without using stencils. 

“I just ordered a kit online,” he recalls. “Originally, we went with the cheapest, as I still didn’t know if a tattoo machine would give the best results. The kit was £55, you can imagine how bad it was! But it was a start and since then I’ve bought better machines.” 

Liz Clements has always loved traditional tattoos

With previous experience as a body piercer, Liz Clements took a slightly different route into tattoo design. Having enjoyed the studio environment of piercing, she did a pop-up shop with Occult Tattoo in Brighton, who ended up taking her on as an apprentice. 

“A lot of my illustrations were inspired by tattoo culture, so in terms of the themes there isn’t a lot of difference,” she says. “I have always really loved traditional tattoos and I think that’s evident in both my tattoos and my illustrations.” 

Transferrable skills

But what can artists interested in combining the two mediums expect when they start to move between them? As with all artistic endeavours, there is no limit but the imagination. However, Smith believes that her college introduction to illustration helped make the transition easier. 

“My studies certainly helped with tattooing,” she states. “Illustration projects have a quick turnaround with a quick brief. This helped when it came to working alongside customers to develop their custom tattoo designs.” Smith also cites printmaking as having helped her tattooing. 

“For one, it strengthens your arm and shoulders, as well as getting you used to the permanence of an image. People that are used to drawing in pencil, or painting in oils, have a transformative way of creating, where things can be edited, evolved and manipulated. With a woodblock, or a piece of lino, once that mark is carved, it is carved, much like a tattoo,” she explains.

Martha Smith’s unique tattooing style was born of her love of graphic design and printing

As with any crossover in art, the challenge is in identifying what works in the change of mediums, and what has to be adapted. For Chi, these differences are nothing more than a mindset – a different approach to a similar outcome. “My tattoo process is very particular. I try to be very transparent with regards to my interests and the stylistic direction in my portfolio,” Chi explains. 

“When I tattoo, I feel people know what they’re getting. When I am taking project requests, I look primarily at the subject matter and secondarily at the narrative behind the subject, if my client provides one. When working as a visual artist, I work best when I’m given some preferences for subjects and stylistic direction, and am allowed to compose the elements however I see fit.”

Design challenges

Liz Clements found the move across to tattooing a little challenging. “The practical side is totally different, so I have to balance the complexity of my designs to correspond with my skill set, which I have found quite tough,” she says, adding that designing to fit a body part is totally different to working on a flat surface. 

“I often do three or four tracings when I’m creating the stencil for tattoo, so the image kind of builds up in layers, and you have to rearrange as you go through the design process. For this reason, Clements thinks that tattoo design is a lot more complicated and long-winded compared to designing for print. 

For Stephenson, moving completely into the world of tattooing is a path that remains unexplored for the moment. “I’ve thought about it a lot, but not made the step yet,” he says. “I guess it’s because I enjoy getting tattooed. I think if I learned how to tattoo, I may not look forward to getting tattooed.” 

Aasen Stephenson hand-engraving leather

Explaining this idea further, Stephenson recalls his previous experience of learning the guitar. “I was always in awe of people who played, but then as I started to learn, I viewed guitarists differently,” he says. “I’d think to myself, ‘Ah, I know how to do that now!’ It kind of took the magic away. Therefore, I guess, I will always want to get tattooed, rather than actually do it,” he smiles.

But this hasn’t stopped people getting Stephenson’s designs etched into their skin. Besides his paper cutting work, he has also drawn up a few designs specifically for tattoo purposes. “I love the idea of getting my work tattooed on skin, it’s such an honour for someone to give you that trust, to be with them forever,” he remarks.

Munden has also had his work tattooed onto clients, but has reservations about this approach. “Prior to creating the book, I’d designed quite a few tattoos for people. It was, and still is, something I’m on the fence about, as I’m not a trained tattooist,” he explains. “There are so many amazing tattoo artists out there, I find it a bit backwards coming to me for the design. I always tell anyone that asks that it is the most expensive way to get a tattoo and probably not the best.” 

Ollie Munden’s tattoo themed colouring book features over 100 designs inspired by Japanese and Western tattooing

Munden did, however, design his left sleeve piece, and learned a lot about placement and how much detail should be included, or left out, along the way. Since the release of The Tattoo Colouring Book, he has also started to see more of his designs tattooed on other people. 

“I’ve seen the book pop up in various tattoo parlours and I’ve had lots of people tag me on Instagram in pieces they’ve had tattooed from the book. Some people write to me and ask permission, some send me a picture once it’s done, either way it’s all good with me. I love seeing that the work has been well received and people are getting tattooed,” he grins.

When to say no

Managing expectations and knowing when to back off a brief is important, whether you are working on or off skin. As Chi points out, tattooing is high demand work. Unlike a commercial brief, you are often expected to come up with ideas on the fly. But at the end of the day, a brief is a brief and knowing your limits is important.

“At the moment, I struggle to keep up with demand, as a result I have to turn down most proposals which are sent to me,” says Chi, who does not show her drawings to clients prior to the day they’re getting tattooed. “I have had many frustrating years of back and forth interactions between clients, and from that I developed my intake process and bedside manner,” she explains.

Many of Nomi Chi’s tattoos feature animals, or hybrid animal/human forms

Though Stephenson doesn’t tattoo, the approach to his illustrative process is similar to that of a tattoo artist, where compromise and reworking are often a necessary evil. 

“All my work is commission-based, so I do have to go through it with the client to ensure that we are both happy. Sometimes customers can come in with some crazy ideas, which is great! But once on paper it doesn’t always work,” he admits. 

Over time, Stephenson has learned to avoid briefs that he can’t do technically, or doesn’t want to put his name to as he doesn’t think they’ll work. “Getting things wrong is all part of the journey,” he says. “And being self-employed, there is no boss you can ask when you get stuck. Over time you learn and hopefully it gets easier!”

Munden has also learnt what will work and what won’t over the years. “In my commercial illustration work, I’ve passed projects over to fellow illustrators because I’m too stretched for time and would rather someone else give the client a better end result. Other times, I don’t feel I’m right for the project,” he explains. 

Four back piece designs feature as large-scale prints in high-end Japanese restaurant Tattu in Manchester, UK

“It’s important the work I do take on is close to my interests,” he says. “I want to make sure I’m giving each project 100 per cent dedication. It’s a nice position to be in as I’m not solely relying on Megamunden to pay my bills, but it also means anyone coming to me for what I do will get a quality end result. I make sure of that.”

So what does all this mean for artists, on skin and off? It’s unnatural for creativity to be limited, and art should ideally have no boundaries. Therefore, any crossover or middle ground for artists to explore should be nurtured and encouraged. 

And with the art world turning towards tattooing as a new field for expansion, the crossover is creating a generation of artists who continue to blur the lines. This allows for more growth in creativity in general, and a lot more people sporting beautiful designs that will stay with them forever.

Related articles:

3 tips for designing tattoos

45 inspirational examples of tattoo art

23 designers and their awesome tattoos

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