#this might be a lil patronizing im sorry but it is something i feel

[buckbuckleybegins]

https://www.tumblr.com/buckbuckleybegins/766586135923376128?source=share

Yeeees to all your tags

I’m so sorry for ranting in the tags, but I’m glad you agree 😭

And like I feel particularly invested in this bc im a gay man who watches, plays, read, etc etc media specifically for queer mlm rep if it’s in it and I’m actually a bit disappointed in my fellow queer men and the way they latched onto the most barebone and badly written of romances just bc its two hot (debatable for one of them but 🫥) dudes. When they have literally no chemistry and are shown being super incompatible.

And eddie, buddie or whatever don’t even have to be part of this equation bc even if eddie simply didn’t exist, BT would still be awful!

[hekkoto]

Hello my darklings!

Here I come with lil post with update cause I feel like you deserve to know how things are going and why lately Im barely online

My main issue is my poor mental health, I again struggle with constant, daily suicidal thoughts. Im kinda used to this as I struggle with this since I was teen, when I was kid they werent daily at least. They stopped like 2 or 3 years ago but now they are back. Its really hard to live like this but I try to keep going, no matter how much it hurts. In case you dont know – I suffer from borderline which means Im constantly jumping between very strong emotions and my actions are often reckless. Usually you can see me being super euphoric but also very depressed. Lately those depressive moments started to be very long and harder than usually. Adding awful heatwave we had since few weeks it caused me to be on edge of giving up. Here I want to thank a lot everyone who was leaving nice comments or talking with me and trying to cheer me up, I know it might be tiring that I keep saying Im worthless and such but thats how I feel. Im not used to people being so nice to me, really thank you, you are saving my life. I would love to be able to ask for help but sadly Im not, I feel like Im burden to everyone. Its something I need to work on, it will take some time but sadly for now Im still struggling with this. But Im always super grateful for everything you do <3

In last days I sleep a lot, like up to 18 hours per day, right now Im not sure if thats cause of my chronic fatigue or depressive state. Im also wasting a lot of time watching lets plays from The Binding of Isaac: Repentance cause its my comfort game and it really helps me. So yeah, I barely do anything.

I struggle a lot with substance abuse, starting from overdosing antidepressants constantly just to survive, I also drink and such. Im aware its bad, Im aware that I cross the line but Im doing it to go through those days. I will try my best to limit this when I will feel better, when I wont need this to stay alive.

Here I want to apologize my Patrons, Im so so so sorry that in last months I dont post most of promised stuff and a lot of things are late ;-; and I want to thank you a lot for still being here, I cant express how happy I am. I promise that when I will feel better everything will be on time, I will also give you some bonus for your patience <3

Please, give me some more time to sort things out. I know that the best thing for me now would be therapy but sadly Im not able to afford this. I will ask my psychiatrist to prescribe me therapy so if in some magical way I will have money I will be able to start it. I start to consider asking my parents for this but honestly? They spend 1000PLN every month just on my meds, they also pay for my doctors, from time to time my mom goes with me to do lil shopping of hygienic stuff and home supplies and pays for everything. They also pay for my flat and all the bills. So yeah... they already spend a lot on me and I feel so bad about this and asking for more feels awful. But if this is something I need to stay alive I guess I have to...

My physical health isnt the best too, I suffer from quite bad pains of joints and muscles. I have bigger dose of meds for this but its still not perfect. Also on days when heatwave hits Im kinda trapped in my house, I cant go outside when its super hot cause its dangerous for me

Thanks to your support and my husband's help things arent super bad yet, thankfully I was able to not go back to self harm and my suicidal thoughts are just thoughts an Im not doing anything to actually kill myself. Without you... welp, I would be dead

I plan to use the best my time when Im feeling fine, I wanna draw and record a lot. So yeah, for now I cant promise any time when stuff will be there but I will do it. I will be working on one project which is very important for me, you will see it soon [I hope haha]. Right now I will focus on commissions and stuff for Patrons so if you wait for something from me – it will be there soon <3

Thank you a lot for your patience and love, you are awesome <3 I dont know how long it will take for me to get better but I will keep fighting and hopefully at some point I wont suffer so much. My past was awful and it damaged me a lot, fixing it will be very long and hard but I must stay strong. I will keep fighting and perhaps I will be able to make my dreams come true

Love ya, Hekkoto

[dapandapod]

Really funny thought I had, you know the scene in Mama Mia? Where she’s singing Mamma Mia and trying to get a peak at the guys in the shed? Well that’s Jaskier in season two when he sees Geralt at a tavern.

😂 😂 😂

So first things first, I have not seen that movie since it came out (2008)  so I went hunting for that scene for half an hour and now I finally found it and I AGREE!!!!

And now I just spent an unreasonable amount of time writing down how that would look. because you are a genius! 

Lyrics adapted by @sleepingreader who is an absolute wordsmith and I love her.

Here be some enthustiastic swearing and season two Geralt armor. Beware.  (And perhaps a lil angstier than Mamma Mia but Im trying)

                                                     ~~*~~

Fuck this ale is weak. Jaskier sits in a tavern, his set done for tonight. For now, the inkeep insists but no, Jaskier is not having it.

And to make matters worse, this ale being this weak is that it fills the bladder real fast. Casting a quick eye around, he decides the patrons are not interested in him and hopefully will not touch his lute. Good.

He leaves it by his table in the corner (a habit he picked up from his travels with Geralt, damn him) and heads out the side door to relieve himself.

When he returns he hesitates by the door. There is a commotion inside and he instead decides to peek in through a window instead.

“Mother Melitele.”

Inside, by the bar, stands Geralt.

Fuck. FUCK. They haven’t seen each other since that blasted bloody mountain. A nervous jitter explodes from his chest, straight out into his fingers. Geralt is in there. Geralt of fucking Rivia, Butcher of Blaviken. 

Jaskier is angry and sad and hurt, yes. But this doesn’t stop his traitorous heart to get all excited. Damnit.

It is Geralt, right? He sneaks over by the door and opens it a crack trying to peak inside. There is someone in leather armor by the bar, yes. But someone decides that just in front of the door is a good place to stand. Darn. He needs to get a closer look.

Jaskier has some good experience with climbing buildings, hanging from window sills, staying out of sight from spouses. Time to use some of this knowledge to his advantage.

Under his breath he mumble-sings, hips swaying as he tries to find a good vantage point.

“I was left there by you, And I think you know when.” 

There seems to be a basement, and he did notice the door having rather large cracks. Maybe he can get a look from there?

“So I made up my mind, It must come to an end.”

Breaking an entry is easy. Basic. Not a problem at all. It’s like they want Jaskier to walk in there. He steps over a pile of rags, dodges a shelf with beer kegs.

“Look at me noooow, Will I ever learn, I don't know hoooow, But I suddenly lose control.” 

Jaskier looks up through the cracks. That butt looks familiar, yes. Those leather pants too. The bottle strap on his thigh is new? That looks impractical. See, this is why you keep the bard around. There are so many things that can go wrong there. If he had kept Jaskier around, he would have pointed that out!

Shit. He really is back at it, isn’t he.

“Recognition inside my sooouul...”

He sings under his breath, looking up. Geralt takes a heavy step making dust fall down in his eye. Damn.

He scrubs at his eyes and gets out of the cellar. Maybe he can find another window that isn’t so obvious?

“Just! One! word and we'll be back to the start.” Jaskier hurries around the house, trying to find a good window. 

“Two more words and you will have back your bard.” Fuck. No luck. He presses back against the house, feeling his heart race, his breath short, a smile playing at his lips. What will happen if they meet?

“Melitele. Here I go again” Geralt is so, so hot. Just like he remembers him.

Adrenaline races through him, hope flaring.

“My my, How can I resist you.” Really, who can? That’s what got them here to begin with. Jaskier being unable to resist the hotness.

He can probably get inside on the second floor. There was a beautiful tree close to the balcony that he at all didn’t inspect in case he needed to make a swift exit. 

He feels his cheeks flush.

“Melitele. Does it show again...Just how much I missed you.”

Yes, Jaskier climbs that tree like a pro. 

Getting from the branch unto the actual balcony is where his skills get really tested. 

“YEEEES, my heart bled a fountain!”

For a moment when he puts his weight on the edge he almost loses his balance, he waves his arms and twists around to stabilize. Not so graceful but it works.

A rather well filled lady pops her head out to look at him, seeing he might be in peril she rushes out and drags him to safety. He flashes her a grateful smile and follows her back inside.

Now, the trick here is not to be seen sneaking. That would be mortifying.

So carefully he approaches the railing, trying to undetected get a sneak peak.

“Just like that day on the mountain”

“Are you singing?” The lady asks him, and he shoots her a glare. Hush woman, he is sneaking here!

Looking down at the crows he easily spots that white hair. The armor is new too. And Melitele's wobbly knees, is that abs on the armor?? He can’t decide if it looks hot or ridiculous, but just seeing Geralt again makes his heart do a double take.

And that brings everything right back again, reality setting in.

“My my, I could never let you go.”

The round lady hears him again, and with a look of concern she hooks her arm with his.

“I’m sorry, bard. Is she in love with someone else?”

Jaskier looks at her then, a sad smile on his lips.

“Something like that.”

“THAT’S MY WIFE YOU SCOUNDREL!” A very red, very round, very angry man shouts behind them, and he shoves at Jaskier.

Only, Jaskier were leaning at the railing.

And now he is toppling over.

Fuck fuck fuck!

This is the end. He will land on a table and break his neck. This is the last you will see of Jaskier the bard.

Only, it’s not a table at all. It’s hard, yes, but that is arms.

Oh.

Oh no.

He literally fell into Geralt's arms.

“Uh. Hello?”

Geralt looks as surprised as he is able, but then huffs a laugh.

“You always knew how to make an entrance.”

[applesandbannas747]

what are your thoughts on a eugesse scenario where jesse is sick bc it's a concept i think about Way Too Much and i have a lot of thoughts about it bc 1.) i think jesse would be absolutely insufferable when he's sick and really whiny, 2.) eugene is probably really good at taking care of people esp since he has four younger siblings and 3.) i really Really like the idea of eugene bringing jesse arroz caldo bc it's a classic filipino comfort food when you're sick (also i'm sorry i'm dumping this on you hfjhsjkdslhjsh it's just something i've been thinking about for MONTHS with no one to talk to about it so i might as well leave it as an anonymous offering since you're practically the patron saint of eugesse 😅)

(anything in this first paragraph disappears on my end ??? I don't know if tumblr is broken for yall too or just for me but im putting a filler line here just in case)

oh dude hell to the yesss! I am with you 100% I fucking love imagining sick fics with them because literally they were built for it XD Jesse would be so whiny about the most minor illness and Eugene would be so sweet to him and I LOVE the idea of him sharing arroz caldo with Jesse omfg!! 

I gotta admit that I got like halfway through my original answer to this ask and realized that rather than scream about the scenario, I could more efficiently convey my thoughts by just writing it so here’s a lil fic of my take on this scenerio lmfao (ahh you’re so sweet, literally ‘patron saint of eugesse’ is all I've ever wanted to be, please put that on my gravestone and also I love eugesse, please please please always feel free to come talk about them with me!) 

[donnieluvsthings]

gonna rant about sanders sides plot bc i think about it all the time and need an outlet okay here we go. this got super long so most of it is under the cut.

fyi: i talk a lot about patton and virgil and how theyre doing. i dont think i paint either of them negatively and if i did its not on purpose bc i love them both but just be aware!! also this is just my interpretations/predictions and i wanted to share but its not The Only Acceptable Interpretation and if u disagree then obviously thats fine lol

so i keep thinking about the conflict between virgil and patton. clearly something is weird. i think it probably started when virgil asked patton to stop treating him like “some innocent harmless angel” at the end of LNTAO.

i actually think this was a good interaction—virgil was trying not to hurt patton’s feelings but also was expressing something he was uncomfortable with and he succeeded in my opinion. and patton doesn’t argue, just immediately goes “okay, virgil!” like he says his name, no nickname, no kiddo. he starts trying instantly to check himself and respect virgil’s wishes.

then in embarrassing phases their interactions seem a little more...tense? i’ll list the ones that stick out bc lists are Fun:

patton fakes being scared. virgil: “don’t patronize me” patton: “you mean pantronize” virgil: “whatever!!”

patton corrects himself from saying “bat winged cherub” to “bad....boy” while virgil shoots him a look like we just talked about this

virgil’s talking about how his style is a relic from thomas’ emo phase. patton: “we’re basically style twins!! look out just a couple of cool guys comin thru!” virgil: “okay, patton” patton: “um! sorry...”

virgil seems aggravated, probably bc patton is still treating him like a poor lil anxious baby when the whole point of this episode was virgil showing that they can’t just ignore his role as anxiety. they may be friends now but virgil’s past attitude is still part of him. one could say he doesnt want them to ignore the “dark side” of his presence. wink wink. this could be him maybe building up to revealing that he used to be a dark side, subtly preparing thomas for it.

then SvS. patton and virgil don’t interact directly except at the start and during the trial, but it doesn’t seem as strained. this is probably because theyre both on the same side when it comes to deceit—and i think thats important. in svs, both patton and virgil are anti-deceit, and like patton pointed out in LNTAO, “anxiety and morality are telling you the same thing,” which seems to signal to thomas that he should listen.

also in SvS, janus alludes to the fact that virgil was a dark side and is hiding it:

“so you’ve never been reluctant to share anything with the group?”

“dont.”

“what, i just meant your name!”

“dont.”

“maybe that’s why its so easy for you to see me for what i am! like i said before, it takes a liar to know a liar.”

i’m 90% sure he didn’t just mean virgil’s name. virgil is clearly distraught about where this conversation is headed and that just doesn’t line up with him being hesitant to share his name. his fears over his dark persona and reluctance to share his name have been addressed multiple times, so what does he have to be scared of? unless janus is talking about virgil being a dark side.

moving on! in DWIT, again, theyre both kinda anti-remus. theyre both afraid of him, and as logan points out, theyre both part of why remus is so powerful as intrusive thoughts. they dont argue much; virgil spends most of this ep arguing with logan, actually, which is interesting bc he and logan seem to have one of the closest friendships in the show.

in this episode, there’s a few final pushed that i think lead virgil to confess he was a dark side.

first remus reveals his own name and says “i would never hide anything from you!” and sends virgil a little glance. virgil looks uncomfortable. then, around the 31 minute mark, logan says “you can always talk to someone...subjects who talked about their thoughts often felt better emotionally and physically.” and you can see virgil looking around like he’s realizing something.

and then he reveals himself at the end of this episode. just to thomas, but i’m assuming all the other sides would know as soon as thomas himself does, right? if they didn’t know already. what sticks out to me is that he specifically waits until the others leave. he doesn’t want to say it directly to them. and as for how this connects to the patton-virgil stuff...patton might think virgil doesn’t trust him/doesn’t want to open up to him. and/or virgil actually doesn’t want to open up to patton as much anymore.

then in healthy distractions, we clearly see that something is up between virgil and patton.

patton: “how could he feel b-a-d with his inner d-a-d?” virgil: “i can think of a few ways”

patton: “thomas made his decision and i think we should all just try to settle into it” virgil: “how are you telling me to settle into something right now when you have taken your sweet time to settle into things that you were uncomfortable with in the past”

so honestly i don’t really know what virgil’s talking about?? does he mean the events of moving on and the whole breakup situation?? or maybe he’s calling patton out for taking so long to drop the “angel baby” nicknames/treatment. or its implying that patton didnt know virgil was a dark side and is still coming to terms with it/coming to terms with the fact that virgil didn’t want to tell him & the other sides directly.

or he’s referencing something we don’t know of. either way, their relationship is obviously strained rn and it isn’t entirely clear what the turning point was between DWIT and ATHD.

then we come to the new episode. virgil doesn’t appear in POF at all, not even a cameo. i think thats the first time this has happened since accepting anxiety part 1. the only reference to him is the purple time-clock during the mario sequence and other smaller inclusions in the other video game parts. and then what happens in this episode?

patton realizes selfishness can be good sometimes. he accepts that the world, and thomas’ view of it, are not as black-and-white as he wanted to believe in svs. it wasnt a matter of “callback = bad vs wedding = good” bc thats not how the world works. beyond that, he accepts janus.

and i’m gonna bring up the idea that virgil is super mean and gets away with it. its true that the other sides, especially patton, are hesitant to correct him or reprimand him, which i think is bc theyre afraid of making him think they hate him. this idea could even be in the forefront of their minds if they really are that impacted by virgil not telling them he’s a dark side.

the thing is...virgil IS mean sometimes and he DOES get away with it. often, its just directed at janus or remus, and the other sides don’t WANT to disagree. when its directed at the other sides, i’m not sure its taken entirely to heart, regardless of whether it should be or not.

and we all know how virgil feels about janus. suspicion, anger, and aggression are all things virgil expresses towards janus from the moment he appeared as patton in CLBG.

so this all has been building up to me saying that the virgil-patton conflict has now become a virgil-patton-janus conflict. virgil and janus’ past is going to clash with patton and janus’ new alliance, which will strain the already tense relationship between virgil and patton. even worse, now roman is firmly in the anti-janus field, which will likely feed virgil’s anger, especially if he also blames patton for hurting roman.

and if we DO go to roman’s room next, and janus shows up, and the situation worsens...we might have a full blown “patton & janus vs virgil & roman” level argument on our hands.

i think virgil’s gonna be aggressive towards janus, as he has been, but when thomas and patton don’t dismiss him—when they call him by his NAME, not just “deceit”—we’re gonna get a rehash of “are you seriously siding with deceit?” except this time roman won’t be the one saying “are you seriously so closed minded to think that everything said by someone you dont like is automatically untrue?”

the other sides—or patton and thomas at the very least—are going to see that virgil’s blatant dislike of janus is not entirely warranted. and keep in mind that we still don’t know what happened between virgil and janus to make virgil hate him, so maybe it IS warranted. but its clear now that janus is trying to help (assuming he’s not lying which i rly hope he’s not lol) and i dont think its fair to thomas for virgil to want to disregard everything janus says. thomas and patton will realize this and they’ll have to confront virgil about his treatment of janus. we just haven’t gotten there yet.

its gonna be wild, honestly. i want janus to be fully accepted but it might be a while until we get there, just like patton took a while to understand the whole “grayscale morality” idea, and how its probably gonna take a while for virgil (and janus, tbh) to move on from whatever happened between them in the past.

i also believe this is headed towards a sympathetic everyone ending where theyre all important to thomas, acknowledged by him as important, and all actively working together, no dark sides or light sides, just sides. so yeah

basically, the next few episodes will probably be an explosion of all these char tensions and its probably gonna get worse before it gets better, and thats not even considering logan angst, creativitwins angst, or the orange side. but i think (and hope) it’ll all be fine and im hyped to see where this series goes :p

[evakviigmohns]

softie [beverly marsh]

A/N: heeeey, it’s sofia again. okay so this is going to be a few headcannons for punkie!reader and softie!beverly bc im a piece of trash for that concept lol. i’m also gonna be posting a bill imagine later so yeah¿¿¿¿¿¿ don’t forget to send requests & all of that stuff bc i have nothing to do lmao. hopefully u will enjoy this lil piece of garbage!!! thank u!! SORRY 4 THE REPOST I JUST FIXED UP SOME STUFF

-----------------------------------------

-LET’S SET THINGS STRIAGHT!!!!!

-u are not

-IM SORRY I HAD TO DO THAT BUT NOW I AM SERIOUSLY STARTING

- okay so let’s say you are a 16 year old, leather jacker wearer, who drives motorcycles and hooks up with people in the back of your dad’s camaro

-beverly is the girl who helps little children with their classes, has flowers is her hair ALL THE TIME and is loved by everyone just cause she is a cutie

- total opposites, right? Like, how on earth would the local cutie and local punkie end together? well, thanks to the project on human anatomy that you had to do together

- Professor Wheeler had assigned you together cause you were oddly good in biology while Beverly honestly sucked.

- At first, you only spoke the necessary to get the project done but as time went by you started to actually enjoy beverly’s company and she started to like yours.

-that’s how the weeks went by and you became friends

-one day, you were hanging out with her at derry’s local diner that was 50’s themed

-the strawberry milkshake with two straws in between of you as you saw Beverly who just kept staring at you

-“see anything you like, marsh?” the redheaded smiled at her dear friend in front of her and took a sip of the milkshake. “your eyeliner is pretty good” “thanks?” YN smiled at Beverly “wanna teach me?” the YEC-eyed girl nodded at her friend in front of her “it’s a date.”

-after that, you just kept talking about beverly’s plans for the future and at 9 pm you said goodbye to each other with a kiss on the cheek and a hug and then headed home.

-the clock marked 11 pm as the clouds of smoke around started to slowly disappear, you were laying in your bed with your eyes red and puffy as you thought about your encounter of before with Beverly

-you knew that it wasn’t a real date it was just the two of you, hanging out at your place like you’ve done many times but there was something about this one that truly made you wish it was more than just two friends helping each other with make up

-yes, YN YLN, derry’s very own teenage heartthrob, was catching feelings for Beverly marsh

-i mean, how can you not catch feelings for Beverly fucking marsh?

-with her stupidly cute smile, and her annoyingly beautiful eyes and her fucking precious laugh how was she not going to conquer your heart?

-so, it’s friday and you are walking back home with Beverly

- it’s really fucking cold and your arm is around beverly’s shoulders, so she can warm up a little because fOR FUCK’S SAKE BEVERLY THINK ABOUT YOUR CHILDREN

­-yes, you referred to the kids that received classes from Beverly as her children and they called her aunt bev [ A/N HOW CUTE IS THAT FDNKJFNJKDF]

-also, I forgot to mention this, but Beverly is like 5’ and for the sake’s of this headcannons reader is like 5’7

-okay, so you guys finally arrive to your place and you go upstairs to your room and leave the backpacks along with the jackets or such in top of your bed

-you tell bev that the make up and all the stuff you might need is in the first drawer and you are leaving to get a glass of water and before you leave, you softly grab her wrist and ask her if she wants to eat something

-you feel her tense under your touch and you are like ??????????? is she nervous bc of me???????

- cockiness activated

-but you don’t say anything because you really don’t want to make her upset because seeing beverly upset is truly the last thing in the world that you want

-she says no but when you come back from the kitchen you made her a sandwich and she just smiles in awe when she sees you

-“going soft on me, YLN?” “ha ha, fuck you, marsh”

-you both are sitting in your bed and you are trying to explain her how to do a winged eyeliner but her hands are slightly shaking whenever she get’s closer to your face

-yes, she is practicing in your face

- and there’s something about the situation that you just stare at Beverly in shook

-because for fuck’s sake you love Beverly

-she notices that there is something going on because she stops and stares at you and asks you what is going on without saying a single word

- you just take a deep breath and go for it

-you are kissing her. Her lips are soft under yours and your hand’s grabs her cheek as you feel her responding your kiss and her hands are tracing patrons in your lower thigh

-beverly moves away for a second and smiles at you

-“I’ve been waiting for you to do that, jackass.” She said and you chuckle

-because if she isn’t the softest and more precious person on the world

-and that day you started dating

- you weren’t afraid of openly saying that you would do anything for your girlfriend

-she literally makes you melt????????

-one look in your direction and you are already fucking dead

-as dead as miss keicha

-IM SORRY FOR THAT

- buuuuut, you guys are probably the cutest couple in whole derry

- and that’s how now it wasn’t only aunt bev, but it was also cool aunt YN who brings beverly in a motorcycle to all of her clases and says goodbye by always kissing her in the forehead before leaving.

[fearingtwd]

What Honesty Gets You (Chris Manawa Imagine)

prompt:  I NEED A CHRIS IMAGINE. I'm coping with his death by reading :,) could i have one where y/n is pregnant and it's his and they're on the boat

requested: by anonymous word count: 7,484 warnings: language, suggestive themes

a/n: this will probably have a part two eventually also its slightly au bc they left the boat after like 6 episodes in the show and honestly? im here for boat shenanigans. they coulda stayed on the abigail the rest of the show bickering and i woulda eaten it up also i went a lil overboard with this imagine no boat pun intended lets fcking gooo

masterlist

It was never silent on the boat, not even at night when everybody was below deck sleeping. You could hear the sound of waves smacking against the side of the ship. It took a while for you to be able to find that noise mixed with the hum from the engine relaxing enough to fall asleep. Now, you’d have no problem drifting off. All you needed was darkness and the reassurance that Alicia was in the room with you. After everything that’s happened, you were admittedly too frightened to sleep in a room alone. Or maybe you were just scared of being alone in general. 

How you ended up with the Clarks with your family out of the picture was quite a long story and you tried not to relive it since you didn’t know their fate. But having no blood relatives on board did make you feel lonely. Even though Madison treated you like a daughter, you weren’t naive enough to believe that if God forbid something happened where she could only save you or Alicia, she would ever choose saving you over her biological daughter. 

So maybe that’s why you felt you had to get close with somebody. 

You first approached him after he practically tossed his deceased mother overboard. What better way to bond with someone than to talk about how shitty the universe was treating you both? He wasn’t amused and had no desire to talk to you. You respectfully gave him the space he needed, but hell if he thought that would be the last time you tried to talk to him. 

It took him a while to open up to you, and you never pushed him to. Every time he did, it was because he was ready. Even with the world ending all around you, every time you sat down and talked with him, you felt a sense of safety - like, perhaps if the infected started falling from the sky, he might be the first one to pull you inside and save your life. It was a heartwarming thought. 

He sought you out one night, surprisingly in the mood to talk. You were wide awake because Alicia was spending the night on deck. He sat in your bunk and while he spoke about his life before the outbreak, you were staring at his lips. Thankfully, there was little to no light in the room because your cheeks were undoubtedly flushed. And you were so lost in your own thoughts about how handsome he looked in the dimness, you didn’t even realize he had stopped talking and noticed where your glance had fallen. 

“Y/N?”

The sound of your name is what brought you back to the moment. “What?”

You couldn’t tell for sure, but he seemed to be fighting back a smirk. “Are you okay? You looked, um, a little out of it for a minute.” 

Your heart skipped a few beats when you realized he must have noticed you staring - so you attempted to play it cool. “Yeah, sorry. Sometimes my mind just, you know, kind of wanders off.”

He gave a nod. “So what were you thinking about?” 

Oh, you know, just thinking about kissing you all over your face and telling you that I think I’m totally falling for you. The usual. 

“Dogs,” you blurted out. 

“You were thinking about dogs?” He raised an eyebrow.

It was random but you had to go along with it. “Yeah, ‘cause the world as we know it has fallen off the deep end and people are dying and coming back to life, but I hope there’s somebody back on land taking care of all the dogs.” 

He stifled a laugh. “Alright, fair enough. Wanna tell me what you were really thinking now?” 

You felt the air was punched right out of your lungs. There was no doubt in your mind that his question visibly caught you off guard. Lying to get out of it again would be a waste of time. The room was quiet, save for the humming of the engine and the ocean waves. 

Biting your lip, you decided to just be frank about how talking to him made you feel lately. You admitted that you enjoyed his company, more than anyone else on board. You told him you found him undeniably attractive. And finally, you confessed that you were thinking about kissing him. 

His response, after a brief moment of utter shock, was to press his mouth against yours. You almost gasped as your lips connected. It didn’t remain the tender kiss it started as. It turned into sloppy, hungry kisses filled with pure desire. And you were okay with that because you suddenly felt as close with a person as you could ever be. 

When you woke up, the room was bright and you were alone. Alone and topless. You shuffled out of the bed to find your bra, clipping it on as Alicia walked into the room. 

“Sorry, didn’t realize you were getting dressed,” she muttered. 

If only she knew the half of it. 

.

You half-expected things with Chris to be completely awkward following your night of romance, but they weren’t. Around everybody else, you both acted like nothing happened. But when you were alone, you were holding hands and still enjoying each other’s company.

To be honest, you were getting sick of living on The Abigail. So when Madison said they should make a trip to land soon just to stock up on supplies, you nearly jumped for joy. You would have really jumped if you weren’t nauseous. You had been feeling lousy the past couple days and with all the sudden nausea, you were sure it was your body telling you to get off the boat for a while. 

The next morning as Strand was docking the Abigail, you awoke feeling sick to your stomach again. When you got on deck, you unexpectedly ran to the side of the ship and vomited. Everyone stopped and stared, and Chris was the first to approach you carefully.

“You okay?” he asked in a soft voice.

Before you could respond, Strand interrupted, “You better not have gotten your upchuck on the side of my boat.” 

You glanced down. You did, a little bit. But you weren’t going to say anything. You leaned your forehead against the banister, feeling a bit dizzy. It’s not like you had much in your stomach to puke up.

“Maybe you caught a stomach bug or something,” Chris suggested. You weren’t sure, but it certainly wasn’t unlikely. With everyone cramped in such a tight space, somebody was bound to get sick.

When you felt okay enough to walk back inside, Madison glanced at you. “You’re not coming with us. You need to get some rest.”

“I’m not just going to sit here and do nothing,” you countered, wanting to contribute. The last time you went to land, you were gathering belongings from a plane crash and that didn’t end up working out very well. You knew things could go wrong and you wanted to be there to help out in case they did. 

Ofelia stood up from the couch. “Don’t worry, Y/N. I’ll be on board too.” She was still nursing her shoulder though it had begun to heal nicely, all things considered. There was no use in fighting, so you just nodded. 

Alicia grinned, “Hey, if we can find clothes, I’ll pick you up something nice.” 

“Yes, but clothes is not at the top of our list,” Madison said. “Food, medicine-”

“Feminine napkins,” Alicia added. “We’re almost out.”

Were you guys running low? You didn’t even notice. It had been a while since you last ransacked the bathroom looking for some. 

Everybody was ready to head off. Strand, Ofelia, and yourself stayed behind. 

In all the chaos of everybody figuring out who was going to wander off in which direction in what groups, you pulled Chris aside. “Be careful, okay?” you whispered. 

He nodded, “Of course.”

“And don’t wander off this time,” you lectured. 

Rolling his eyes, he replied, “Got it.” 

You weren’t trying to patronize him and you realized that’s how it probably came across. You genuinely just wanted him to be safe. Before he could walk away, you grabbed a hold of his arm. He seemed taken aback. “I mean it. I want you to come back in one piece, okay?”

“Okay.” 

Travis’ voice calling out for Chris startled you both. He said goodbye and shuffled off. As soon as he was out of your line of sight along with Alicia, Travis, Nick, Madison and Daniel you walked down to your shared room with Alicia to relax. 

You had about two minutes to yourself before Strand burst into your room, yelling about how you did get puke on the boat. You told him to clean it with his ego and then locked yourself in the bathroom. 

You stared at yourself in the mirror. The bags under your eyes weren’t as awful or prominent as you thought they’d be. Your mind wandered back to Alicia’s comment about feminine napkins earlier. Pads. You and Alicia had been on the same cycle, presumably since you spent so much time together after being locked in the military safe zone at the start. It had been well over a month since you last got your period - if you calculated the days correctly, that is. You stood in confusion, even pulled your pants down to check if you got your period without realizing it. You didn’t. 

And then a surge of panic ran through your veins. You exited the bathroom on a mission. Ofelia was sitting by the swimming deck. She smiled as you took a seat beside her. 

“You feeling any better?” she asked sweetly. 

Less nauseous? Yes. Better? No. 

“A little bit. If I ask you something, can you promise to keep as neutral a reaction as possible to maybe keep me from freaking out?” you asked, toying with a loose thread at the hem of your shirt. You felt like your throat was closing. 

“Sure,” she answered wearily.

“So, I was just wondering, like, out of the blue this totally just popped into my head and I got curious. Um, have you ever been pregnant?” you rambled. 

She only raised an eyebrow in response and said, “No. Why?”

A gust of wind blew your hair to the side and you tossed it out of your face, trying to figure out what to say next. Your palms were growing clammy. So you took a deep breath and let it out slowly before softly telling her, “My period is late.”

“You’re probably just stressed, Y/N. I mean, you know what has to happen in order to get pregnant, right?” 

You groaned, thinking back on your time in health class. Oh, you definitely knew what had to happen. “Um, just forget this entire conversation, okay?” 

Before she could say anything, you were jogging back inside to the sleeping quarters to find your backpack. 

“What are you doing?” 

You let out a yelp and spun around. Ofelia was standing in the doorway. You didn’t even realize she followed you.

“You scared the shit out of me,” you said, putting a hand to your heart. 

She crossed her arms, eyes narrowed. “Sorry. Y/N, what are you doing?” 

“Nothing,” you said casually, tossing the backpack over your shoulder. “Just going for a walk.” Except she wouldn’t let you past. “Do you want to, like, move please?” 

“Tell me what you’re doing,” she demanded. There was a part of you that was flattered she seemed to care, maybe she was even worried about you. But the other part of you needed her to get out of your way. 

Tightening your grip on the backpack strap, you let out a frustrated huff of air. “Not to be rude or anything, but it’s none of your business.” 

“I think you made it my business when you started asking me about being pregnant - which by the way, how old do you think I am?” 

You bit the inside of your cheek, ignoring that you might have offended her. Besides, it wasn’t that uncommon for young unmarried women to have kids or at least pregnancy scares. It was fairly modern. 

“Look, I... I have to... I’m feeling better and if I leave now I can catch up with Alicia and-”

“Y/N, please. Just tell me the truth.” 

Telling the truth was what got you into this situation, wasn’t it? You told Chris how you felt about him and now were nauseous, lethargic, your period was late, and in all honesty your boobs seemed to have swelled and gotten a little bigger. The last point wasn’t entirely negative though. But, you were already in this situation. And maybe being truthful this time around wouldn’t bite you in the ass. You didn’t regret your night with Chris. It was a little clumsy and awkward, but sweet too, and it felt so good. However, you wished you took some precaution.  

“The truth is I think I’m having a baby and I’m fucking terrified.” You didn’t even recognize your voice. It sounded so distant, and your eyes were welling up with tears, about to burst out. 

Great. Add overemotional to the list too. 

Ofelia only tilted her head in confusion. “I don’t understand. How could you be having a baby?” 

“I got a visit from the stork,” you said bitterly, wiping away a stray tear. 

She didn’t seem to appreciate your sarcasm and let out a loud breath. There was a brief silence and you watched her expression change from frustration to utter shock. 

“What?” you asked softly. 

“Is it Nick?”

“Is what Nick?” 

“The baby, is it Nick’s? You know, if there is one...”

You would have laughed if you weren’t entirely hellbent on getting off to the boat. You just wanted to find a pharmacy. Surely there would still be some pregnancy tests left. 

“If you move out of the way I’ll tell you,” you prompted. 

She didn’t seem interested in your game. “What are you going out there for?” 

You shrugged your shoulders. Might as well keep up some of the honesty thing you had going. “A pregnancy test.”

“Just wait for everybody to get back. We’ll just find one tomorrow.”

“Uh, if I’m knocked up I’d like confirmation of that as soon as possible,” you uttered. 

Ofelia sighed. “You don’t care what I say, you’re still going today, aren’t you?” 

“Yeah.”

“Okay. Well, I’m not letting you go alone. I’ll grab some water for the road. Meet me upstairs.” 

.

Strand had no problem letting you both leave. He called it foolish, but he didn’t try to stop you. He also didn’t bother asking why. 

It surprisingly didn’t take you very long to stumble across a pharmacy that was already broken into. Ofelia killed one infected that was inside and sauntered to the back of the store, kitchen knife and backpack in tow, while you rushed towards the aisle with the tests. The whole pharmacy was turned over top to bottom, but there was one box left with one pregnancy test inside. If you weren’t an anxious mess, you would have laughed at the coincidence. 

You shoved it in your pack and turned to leave. A rotting corpse walking through the shattered doorway stopped you in your tracks. You weren’t sure you would ever get used to seeing dead people walking around. The whole store smelled like decomposing flesh already, but the stench from the infected galloping towards you made your stomach lurch. Ofelia quickly put down the infected and glanced over at you. 

“You good?”

You were hunched over, trying to swallow the bile you felt rising in your throat. But you gave her a thumbs up anyway. 

“We should really get going,” she urged. 

You nodded and stood up properly and made slow strides to the door. 

Your journey there was entirely silent. The walk back, on the other hand, was filled with Ofelia prying into your private life. She kept wanting to know if it was Nick’s baby and you’d be lying if you said you weren’t mildly offended that she didn’t even consider it could be Chris. 

You made it back on board with a few hours of sunlight still left in the day. The others weren’t back yet, but you were sort of glad about that. You hoped they were okay, but you needed the time to yourself. 

You locked yourself in the bathroom for the second time that day - except this time you had a pregnancy test on the counter. Since you didn’t have a timer, you sat on the floor and counted the seconds. And when you were done, you still stayed seated, too scared to even think about standing up. 

A loud knocking on the door made you flinch. 

“Y/N? Is everything, um, okay?”

It was Ofelia trying and failing to be discreet. You ignored her, pulling your legs close to your chest and lowering your head. You just wanted to go back in time and make sure that you wouldn’t end up in this situation. You were so scared. Being pregnant after the end of the world was basically a death sentence, wasn’t it? 

She knocked again. “Come on, Y/N. Open up.”

Taking a deep breath, you got to your feet. Your hands were trembling. You had to force yourself to pick up the test and turn it over.

“Oh shit,” you whimpered as the red lines stared you right in the face. 

You were indeed pregnant. 

Your breath turned uneven and you couldn’t see anything through the waterfalls of tears that started running down your cheeks. This couldn’t be happening. This had to be a nightmare. There was no possible way you could carry a baby to full term and deliver it on a fucking boat with no doctor on board - never mind even raise it. You weren’t ready. Not even close. The thought of it being a false positive jumped into your mind, but you knew it wasn’t. You had all the symptoms. You couldn’t be that lucky. 

Ofelia knocking on the bathroom door again brought you back into the moment. So you angrily threw the test into the trash and swung the door open, rushing past her before she could get a word out. You slammed your bedroom door and collapsed into your bed, letting yourself sob into the pillow. If that didn’t make it obvious enough to Ofelia what the results were, that would be her own fault. 

You must have cried yourself dry and drifted into a light sleep because the sound of voices upstairs suddenly caught your attention. You could easily distinguish the voices. It was Madison, Alicia, and Nick. 

For a few seconds as you sat up, you weren’t thinking about the fact that you were knocked up. You were just glad they made it back alive. And curiosity about what they found brought you to your feet. When you got to the top of the stairs, Alicia jogged over to you and pulled you into a tight hug, asking if you were feeling better. Then she was excited to show you the clothes she found while Madison was unpacking and storing away cans of food. You were happy their outing was successful. But in the back of your mind you were terrified because it was completely dark outside and Chris, Travis, and Daniel were still out there.

Another part of you was worried Ofelia would spill the beans to everybody. You weren’t sure when you would feel okay enough to tell anybody else, especially Chris. So you hoped she would keep her mouth shut for now. 

.

The boat was still docked and you were sitting by the swimming deck, fighting to keep your eyes open. From the corner of your eye you saw Ofelia walking over to you, wrapping her sweater tighter around her body as a breeze flew by. She quietly took a seat next to you. 

“What are you doing out here?” she questioned. 

“Waiting for them to get back.”

“You worried?”

“Aren’t you?”

“Yeah, that’s why I couldn’t sleep.”

A semi-comfortable silence filled the air. You wished she hadn’t broken it.

“So, you really are pregnant? It was positive?” 

You glanced at her with pure panic in your eyes. All you could do was nod. 

She frowned. “You have to tell them, Y/N. You can’t keep this to yourself.”

“I don’t have to tell anyone,” you countered. “I can do whatever I want.”

You could tell she was frustrated with your attitude, but she remained calm. “If other people know, we can all help you. Everybody here cares about you. And don’t you think that Nick deserves to know-”

“Oh my god. Ofelia, it’s not-” You stopped yourself and thought about what exactly to say. “Look, I’m beyond tired right now. There’s literally a thing growing inside of me, like an actual human being forming. And I really don’t want to talk about it. I don’t want to think about it.” 

“Because you’re scared?”

You swallowed the lump in your throat and your eyes glossed over with tears. “What if it dies inside me? What if it, like, rips me apart?” 

“That won’t happen,” she whispered.

“You don’t know that,” you choked out, wiping your nose with your sleeve. 

She took a deep breath. “When we were at the pharmacy today... I had a feeling that you would take the test and it would be positive. So, I thought ahead. I brought back prenatal vitamins for you, Y/N. It will help keep the baby healthy, okay?”

Before you could respond, a flash light beaming in the distance caught the attention from both of you. Ofelia got up, swiftly approaching the side of the yacht. 

“Is it them?” you asked, trying to subdue your tears and worries for now. 

She didn’t answer until the light went off and they were close enough for her to squint and see. She smiled, “It’s them. They’re back.” 

When all three of them boarded, you stood in horror. They all looked distraught and Chris was covered in blood. 

Ofelia covered in mouth in disbelief. “What happened?” she inquired, taking a few steps closer to her father.

Daniel shook his head and motioned towards Chris. “Why don’t you ask the boy?”

You gulped as you turned to Chris, raising an eyebrow. “What happened out there? Are you guys okay?” 

“We’re fine,” he muttered, rushing inside. He threw his backpack down on the coffee table and was headed for the stairs when Travis called his name in quite possibly the most stern voice you had ever heard from him. Chris stopped short. 

“We have to talk about this,” Travis demanded in pure anger. Your heart was pounding. What the fuck happened?

He spun around and stood his ground. “I already told you there’s nothing to talk about.” 

“Chris, you could have gotten yourself killed,” Travis reprimanded. 

“It was a chance I was willing to take! We got the meds. Now no one on this boat has to get sick ever again.” 

And with that he stormed down the steps as Madison was coming up. She gave Travis a curious look and you decided to go after Chris. As you rushed down the stairs you saw the door to the sleeping quarters slam. He was on edge, no doubt, and you didn’t want to make it worse. But you also considered yourself as the only person on board who would ever take the time to actually listen and understand him - and you knew he knew that. So you started with a gentle knock. 

Silence. 

You knocked again putting a little more strength into it.

Silence.

You let out a frustrated breath and added, “Chris, it’s me.”

The door opened not a second later. You immediately noted that he discarded his blood-drenched sweatshirt and shirt. He moved aside to let you in and promptly shut the door behind you. 

There was another moment of silence, so you decided to be the first to speak, keeping your voice steady and filled with concern. “What happened out there?”

He shrugged his shoulders. “There was a room with a bunch of medication in it, antibiotics, vitamins, and like a dozen of the infected. It was like someone herded them all in there so no one would try to get to the meds. And my dad said it wasn’t worth the risk, but I knew it was. All we had to do was take out the infected and it would be a gold mine,” he explained. “Even Daniel said it wasn’t worth it so they started moving on, but I knew I had to do it with or without their help.”

“You know I told you not to wander off again,” you said, half-heartedly. 

He pursed his lips. “I know. But I did it for you, Y/N. You’ve been feeling sick lately and I just needed to help.”

You felt lightheaded at the gesture, but also panicked at the realization that he really had no idea what was really going on with you. You weren’t sick, you were pregnant. When you were going to tell him was beyond you. All you knew for sure was that he put himself in immense danger to make you feel better and your stomach had butterflies and you were so glad he was okay. 

You could feel your pulse racing through your veins as you stepped forward and lightly cupped his cheeks, your skin brushing against the smudged splatters of blood that were beginning to dry. You couldn’t think of anything to say, so you leaned closer to him, gently pressing your lips against his. His hands wandered to your lower back where his thumbs traced circles over the fabric of your sweater. 

This was the first time you two had kissed since that night. You pulled back and whispered, “You should probably take a shower.”

“What, do I smell?” he joked. 

You scrunched your nose and smiled. “Sorta. You’re also covered in blood.” 

“Fair enough.” He quickly pecked your lips once more before reaching for some clean clothes. 

You were sure you were blushing as you watched him stroll down the hallway to the bathroom. Once he was out of sight, you walked into your shared room with Alicia. She was sitting on her bunk. Her hair was wet; you assumed she had just cleaned up as well. 

“Hey,” you greeted. 

She slowly looked over at you. “There’s a pregnancy test in the bathroom trash,” she spoke softly. Your heart sunk and the boat engine started up. 

“Oh. Uh, whose do you think it is?” You hoped you sounded convincing. 

She sighed. “My mom, most likely. I don’t think she and Travis ever talked about having kids, it can’t be planned. Now isn’t exactly the best time to expand the family tree.” 

You nodded in agreement. 

The sound of the shower turning on reminded you that the test was still in the trash. You hoped Chris hadn’t seen it, but if he hadn’t then he might see it on his way out. 

You were exhausted and petrified, but the adrenaline that shot through your body in that moment made you feel truly alert. “I’ll be right back,” you told Alicia before leaving the room as casually as possible. 

The hallway was empty, so you rushed to the bathroom door. You slowly turned the knob, grateful that it was unlocked. You sifted through the trash for a moment and saw it. God, it was so obvious, it was practically right on top. You could only assume he didn’t see it. You weren’t even sure he knew you were in the room. The mirror that you had been staring in that same morning was steaming up, and it brought you back to how normal everything used to be. A soft moan to your side caught your attention. You leaned a little closer. It wasn’t like how the infected sound. In fact, it reminded you of the sounds from that night. And that’s when you realized what he was doing. 

Your jaw nearly dropped and you rushed out of there. You took your time closing the door so it didn’t make a loud clicking noise. 

“What are you doing?” 

You jumped and spun around to see Nick standing in front of you. You hid the pregnancy test, clear as day in your right hand, behind your back and leaned against the wall. “Oh, I was just... I had to take some Tylenol, I have a headache.” 

You were lying through your teeth. 

He looked skeptical and tilted his head to the side. “Okay. I hope it kicks in soon. You should get some sleep.” 

“Thanks.” You speed-walked to your room, quickly rushing over to your bag of clothes, slyly putting the pregnancy test at the bottom. When you stood up, Alicia was curiously watching you. You were holding some sweatpants to change into for the night. Thankfully, she thought nothing of your mildly frantic behavior and she rolled over and faced the wall.

. 

You don’t remember falling asleep, but you think it must have happened as soon as your head touched the pillow. You awoke to light filling the room and your body screaming that it still hadn’t had enough rest. You could take a hint, so you closed your eyes and drifted off again. 

The water was seeping into the raft. It would be minutes until it could no longer float. A hand on your knee felt reassuring until you looked down and noticed your basket ball sized stomach. You couldn’t help but start panicking. It was Chris by your side, but you didn’t feel safe anymore. He told you to start pushing. Suddenly Alicia was on your other side, she looked like she had seen a ghost. Keep pushing, Chris was telling you. Nothing was happening. And then you were screaming as you noticed your abdomen being ripped open from the inside. Chris was crying now and Alicia was gone. Maybe she fell into the water? You were sure you only blinked, but now Chris was cradling the baby in his arms. You watched him holding it with such love in his eyes as you drifted in the middle of the sea with a deflating raft. You would have started crying too until you noticed your baby start to decompose as if time was sped up somehow. Chris seemed unbothered as he handed the baby to you. The moment you touched it, it opened it’s eyes. They were yellow. Almost like a glowing yellow. It opened it’s mouth as if it scream and you saw razor sharp teeth right in front of your face- 

You woke up in a cold sweat. Whatever your subconscious was trying to tell you, it needed to be quiet. You slowly sat up, wiping beads off sweat of your forehead. That was when the nausea slowly crept up on you. Taking a few deep breaths to relax yourself, you noticed that Alicia wasn’t in her bed so you wondered what time it was. 

You decided to take a shower, still feeling a bit sluggish even as you got out and dressed yourself for the day. You assumed everyone was on deck so that’s where you went. 

Madison was in the kitchen, holding a glass of water. Ofelia and Alicia were on the couch playing a card game, Nick was watching them. 

“Good morning sleepyhead,” Madison said to you. “Nice of you to join us.”

You saw Chris sitting outside with his dad. Your cheeks burned as you remembered kissing him last night and hearing him in the shower. 

“You want to play?” Ofelia asked.

You reluctantly agreed, hoping your stomach would settle down. 

.

Strand stopped the boat and Daniel and Nick were fishing off the side, hoping for dinner. Chris had gone downstairs while Madison joined Travis outside. You wanted to follow Chris, but you also didn’t want to be obvious so you stayed where you were. 

“Y/N, are you feeling any better today?” Alicia questioned without warning.

Feeling Ofelia staring at you, you gave a quick shrug. “A little, I guess.” 

“That’s good.” You noticed Alicia glance outside at her mom and Travis. “Do you think he knows?” 

“What?” 

“Do you think he knows she’s pregnant?” 

Ofelia sat up straighter and you tried to keep your eyes from bugging out of your head. 

“What do you mean?” Ofelia asked. 

Alicia lowered her voice, even though nobody was around. “I found a pregnancy test in the bathroom last night and I think it’s positive.” 

“That’s- You think your mom took it?” 

“Yeah. Makes the most sense.” 

Ofelia glanced over to see your expression. Luckily you had perfected your poker face. 

“I’m going to ask her about it tonight. I’ll probably mention it to Nick before, too,” Alicia started explaining. 

There was no way this wouldn’t end in everybody learning the truth, but you were not ready. Not even close. 

She continued, “I really can’t believe they would be so reckless. Seriously, how dumb do you have to be to let yourself get knocked up while the world is turning to absolute shit?”

Ouch. That made your eyes start to water a bit. 

Ofelia chewed on her bottom lip as if she was in deep thought. She finally spoke, “Hey, maybe you should go ask them about it right now. I mean, the cat’s already halfway out of the bag, right?” 

“No,” you quickly interjected. “You should let them talk about it when they’re ready.” 

Alicia narrowed her eyes, and you wondered if she could see the pure panic happening inside your mind. “Are you okay?” she asked. Maybe your eyes were watering too much. 

“Yeah, I’m fine.” You tried to laugh it off and turned everyone’s attention back to the game. After Alicia won, she went downstairs for a bathroom break. You took the time to clear things up with Ofelia. “Oh my god, she thinks it’s her mom. What the hell do I do?”

“Tell her the truth.”

“No, what do I do besides that?”

“Y/N, that’s all there is to do,” Ofelia said. “The prenatal vitamins are in my room by the way if you ever decide to start taking them which I think you should.” 

It took all you had to not burst into tears in that moment. You saw her point. Telling the truth to everybody would be best thing to do. You wouldn’t have to live with the secret anymore and perhaps the adults will be furious and Chris will be taken aback, but maybe it was best if they just knew already. 

You took a slow breath. “How do I tell them? How do I tell them without having everyone disappointed in me?”

She grabbed your hand for support. “You just tell them the truth, alright? Everybody here cares for you and they will have no choice but to come to terms with it, okay? And you have me on your side to start.” 

“Thank you,” you whispered. 

.

The setting sun cast a pink hue over the skyline and everybody was outside admiring it - except for Travis, who was finishing cleaning up dinner, and Strand, who was in the wheelhouse. You were planning on taking Ofelia’s advice and simply telling everyone, but you needed to tell Chris first. 

You stood next to Chris, asking to talk to him in private, and swiftly grabbed his hand and led him past his father and down the steps. Travis watched the two of you disappear downstairs, not knowing what to think. You supposed it didn’t matter if you weren’t being subtle anymore because everyone was going to know what was going on soon enough.

You entered your room and shut the door behind him. 

“Okay, what’s going on?” he asked. 

Your heart was pounding against your chest as you reached to the bottom of your bag and pulled out the pregnancy test. You gripped it tightly in your hands, feeling like you were going to pass out as you turned around to face him. The fear on your face was unmistakable. You were holding the test close to your chest, almost cradling it. 

Chris glanced at your hands. “What’s that?” 

You inhaled sharply before finding your voice. “Pregnancy test.”

He shifted uncomfortably on his feet. “What?” 

“It’s a pregnancy test,” you said, a little louder with as much confidence as you could muster.

“Why do you have that?” he asked wearily. 

Your mouth went dry and your tongue suddenly felt like sandpaper. “Because I took it.” 

He didn’t say anything. He just stared at you, eyes growing wider by the seconds. 

“It’s positive,” you told him, your nausea feeling worse than before. You looked down at the test in your hands, wanting nothing more than to run upstairs and throw it overboard. You began rambling, “It’s positive, so I-I guess I’m gonna have a baby unless it turns and eats me apart from inside or I die giving birth because that happens sometimes you know. I don’t want it to happen, but it could. It might.” 

When you finally looked up at him, he was cautiously taking a few steps toward you. He looked completely panicked. “Uh, I.... Um-”

“I’m sorry,” you uttered before he could get the words out. “I didn’t want to tell you, but I guess you deserve to know and you were going to find out eventually. Please say something.”

“You’re- Can I see that?” he asked softly. 

You nodded and showed him the test. 

“How do you know it’s positive?”

“’Cause it has the two lines.” 

“Holy shit,” he breathed out in absolute shock. 

“That’s exactly what I said,” you half-smiled at him, hoping to lighten the mood and break the extreme tension in the room. 

After a short silence, he pursed his lips and lowered his voice. “So, this isn’t like a joke? This is real?”

“It’s real, Chris. I wish it wasn’t, but it is.”

He gulped in response.

“You don’t hate me now, do you?”

Out of everything he’s learned in the past minute, that question seemed to take him by the biggest surprise. He quickly shook his head. “No. How could you even ask that, Y/N? I could never hate you. And this is my fault anyway.” 

And that was all it took for you to burst into tears. You had a sudden tidal wave of emotions rush through your body and you couldn’t hold it together. He didn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around you in a tight embrace. 

“I’m scared,” you sobbed into his shoulder.

“Me too,” he whispered.

.

“Dad, Y/N is pregnant. Dad, I got Y/N pregnant. I’m sorry, Dad, I didn’t realize that pulling out was an option.” Chris let out a scoff, “I can’t do this.”

“The first one sounded fine. And you’re not doing it alone, okay? I’ll be there too,” you explained. “I can even be the one to say it.”

He was pacing the room, trying to figure out how to tell his father. You were laying down on your bed, exhausted. You were always tired lately. Probably because your body was overworking itself forming a human. 

Sitting down at the edge of the bed, he gently rested his hand on your leg. “Look, you don’t have to be there if you don’t want to. He’s going to be mad.”

“It will be easier if we just tell him together, Chris,” you said. 

“But we don’t have to tell him today,” he countered. 

“You’re right, we don’t.”

He smiled.

You quickly added, “But we should.” 

His smile disappeared. He licked his lips, thinking what to say next. “Once he knows... once everyone knows, everything will be different.” 

“Everything is already different,” you whispered. 

He looked frightened, but you noticed him try to relax himself. He leaned forward. “I’m sorry,” he said softly before kissing your forehead. 

You quickly sat up. “Don’t apologize. Do I want to have a baby? No, not really. But I am. We are. And... we both... It was both of us.” 

He let out a slow breath, about to say something. A knock on the door interrupted him and startled you both. “Y/N? Chris?” 

It was Travis. Surely he had gotten suspicious of you and Chris running off hand in hand and decided to check in. 

You both shared a nervous glance. “It’s open,” you decided to call out. Neither of you bothered to move as the door opened and Travis peeked his head inside. 

“Hey,” he greeted. “Everything alright?”

Chris nodded. “Yeah, everything’s fine.” 

“Well, everybody is upstairs and I just couldn’t help but notice that you were both in a rush to get down here,” he pointed out, stepping further into the room. 

“Uh, yeah. Actually, there’s something we need to tell you,” you stammered. 

This caught his attention. He raised his eyebrows and shrugged, “Okay.”

“I feel like you should sit down,” you advised. 

A nervous chuckle escaped his lips. “You’re scaring me a little.” 

Madison appeared in the doorway behind Travis. Telling them both at the same time would be killing two birds with one stone, but you decided you wanted to tell Alicia at the same time too. So you got to your feet. “We should all go upstairs.” 

You could sense the tension as you motioned for Travis and Madison to take a seat on the couch. Chris was simply watching you take control as you walked outside to get Alicia. In doing so, you grabbed the attention of everyone else. And suddenly everybody was sitting inside, even Strand who joined out of curiosity. 

He poured a glass of whisky. “Let’s make this quick,” he urged. 

You swallowed, squeezed your eyes shut, and took a deep breath to calm your heart rate. 

“Okay, um, I’m... I’m pregnant,” you admitted. 

Alicia’s eyes widened. She looked... betrayed? You couldn’t tell. And you suddenly felt like crying. 

Travis stood up slowly. “Chris?”

“Yeah?” His throat felt dry.

“Is this... A-Are.... Did you... I-” 

“It’s mine,” he confirmed. 

Nick leaned against the couch and snorted, “Maybe we should look for condoms the next time we go to shore.”

“It’s a little late for that,” you contended. 

“How long have you known?” Madison asked. She seemed oddly calm. 

“Since yesterday,” you answered. 

“You were never sick. You were pregnant,” she realized. 

You nodded. 

Travis started shaking his head. “No, this has to be a mistake. How can you know?” 

“I took a pregnancy test-”

“Where the hell did you get a pregnancy test? I can’t imagine Strand had one lying around on the boat.” 

“After everybody left, I went to shore too and found one.” 

Chris, who didn’t know that, narrowed his eyes. “You went out there alone?” 

“No, I wasn’t alone. Ofelia went with me.”

Daniel looked at his daughter with disapproval and you felt a little bad for ratting her out, but there was no use in lying about it. 

“Okay, so you took one test. That doesn’t mean it’s accurate,” Travis exclaimed. 

Madison let out a loud, disappointed sigh. “No, she has all the symptoms. I can tell.” 

“She’s just a little sick. It’s not-”

“She’s been feeling nauseous, she puked, and she’s always tired.”

Nick absentmindedly chimed in again. “And her boobs are bigger.”  

Everybody gave him a glare and he hunched over, presumably understanding that he should stay quiet for now. 

“Travis, I’ve been through it. I know,” Madison told him. 

“And you’re okay with this?” he nearly shouted. 

That was when Madison angrily stood up. “No, I’m not okay with this. Not at all. But there’s nothing we can do about it.” 

“Dad, I’m sorry,” Chris mumbled. 

“Hey, I don’t want to hear it right now, Chris. Do you even realize what you’ve done?”

You stepped closer to Chris defensively, clinging onto his arm. “Don’t be mad at him.”

“He got you pregnant, Y/N.”

“You’re really going to make me say it? It takes two to tango,” you replied angrily. 

“I, um.... I just need to think.” Travis sighed and walked outside dramatically. 

“So, are we going to have to listen to a screaming baby on board?” Strand wondered, prompting another sip of his drink. 

You felt defeated. You truly expected Travis to handle it better. He always seemed like the reasonable and rational one. But, perhaps finding out he’s going to be a grandfather was enough for him to not be able to remain stable.

You frowned and made awkward eye contact with Alicia for a moment, who quickly got to her feet and rushed down the stairs. 

“I imagined this going better,” you whispered to Chris. He simply placed a kiss on your temple to comfort you.