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well-its-not-human-anymore · 3 years ago

Note

Ok so like......a little bit ago you did some general headcanons for the TMNT boys in a relationship and I just love to imagine donnie with an s/o who's also a huge star wars fan like......picture sparring but the two of you just start making lightsaber noises and quoting lines as a form of banter.....and sometimes you start little fights about it because it's just fun to be like "you know I think Greedo shot first" and hear him go "whAT" three rooms over and rush to wherever you are......or having marathons every so often and needing pause every 10 minutes because one of you has another rant/theory about what's happening........and like cosplaying together and raising both your confidence and just having fun with it.......and the general shared fan behavior over merchandise and characters.....sorry your headcanons just inspired me and I wanted to share some of my thoughts. Anyway have a great day :)

Hey guys I'm back! Sorry for such a long hiatus, had some life shit I needed to work through. School's out and summer has been pretty okay so far, but if you've got any college tips for me please message me, I'll take all the advice I can get.

Anyways- I'm doing what I can to get back into writing, TMNT was a mild hyperfixation that I had a while ago, I never expected to gain so much traction on here for my writing. I hope you can understand my surprise when I got so much positive feedback and I do feel a little guilty for all of the requests that have sat in my inbox for months.

But no matter- I'm back now with a vengeance and I will be doing my best to push out more content. So thanks for being patient! Now that that's out of the way, let's get this show on the road.

TMNT Headcanons

In which everyone is afraid to ship people in the Star Wars universe in fear that they might be siblings (aka, Donnie's s/o is a huge star wars nerd and everyone else is fucking sick of it)

Donnie was dead on the floor the second you made a Star Wars reference in front of him

dead in all capitals

dead in italic font

dead™

thing was, he'd already thought you were cool before you made the reference, you were Casey's friend and you weren't scared of him or his brothers

he had the very vivid memory of you yanking a crowbar out of a discarded toolbox in an alley when you'd first met and using it to hit a foot soldier over the head

that hadn't surprised him too much, it was the noises you were making with your mouth

"are you-"

"yeah," you shrugged, "making lightsaber noises makes me feel better about rocking his absolute shit with this thing."

Donnie was a little wary of you after that

but it admittedly turned into admiration when you'd started dating

well, most of the time, you jumping at him at 3am screaming "you were the chosen one!" because he'd accidentally eaten your leftovers wasn't what he'd call endearing

it did make him careful not to eat your food however

and god knows you two couldn't get 5 minutes into a movie without pausing it to dissect the plot, much to everyone else's annoyance

the worst times were when you didn't pause it, the others would watch you talk for 15 minutes as the movie went on before you stopped and had to rewind

what should've taken only 3 hours ended up lasting 5 or 6

the others eventually banned you two from watching star wars with them

you were fine with it, more time to talk anyways

sometimes it was extremely helpful, spirit-lifting if you will

you wouldn't, it sounded really cheesy and you were lactose intolerant as fuck

but it did help when the mood was a little sour

you'd walked in on the entire family moping about, you didn't have to ask what happened, you knew they'd had another fight

your eyes landed on Leo first and you decided to roll with it

"I did it."

they noticed how low your voice was first, and when they looked at you your expression was dark

"Uh... did what exactly?" Mikey was the first to respond

"I killed them- I killed them all. Not just the men. But the women and children too."

maybe it was your face, maybe your horrible impression of Anakin, whatever it was it made Raph snort so hard he fell into a coughing fit

Donnie did that near imperceptible giggle he always did whenever he found something funny and hearing that sent Mikey into a fit of laughter

Leo cracked last, not laughing entirely but he gave you that amused side smile and shook his head

yeah, you were pretty good at lifting the mood

sometimes it served very helpfully as a method to get Donnie out of his lab

one day when you were over having lunch with the others you immediately noticed your boyfriend's absence. you didn't comment- usually he came out on his own accord

but he didn't

Raph had sighed and rose to retrieve his younger brother

"hang on a sec Raph," you were mumbling through a mouthful of sandwich and waving at the wall of muscle. it took a moment for you to swallow your food before you winked at the others

then you raised your voice just a little and announced-

"yeah- that's an interesting take on that, but I still say that Greedo shot first"

you counted on your hands, your eyes twinkling with amusement

3-2-1-

"YOU WHAT?!"

"there we go."

all six and a half feet of the purple genius came tumbling down the hall and into the kitchen, gaze landing on you in complete and utter shock

"Works like a charm, hey darling, it's lunchtime and you need to eat."

"But-"

"You can chastise me later, now sit down and put food in your face."

he managed to shut his mouth and sit down at the table and at that moment the rest of the family burst into rambunctious laughter

Donnie was halfway through his second sandwich when he looked up at you again

"you don't actually think that, right?"

You snorted into your apple juice

"Of course not Donnie, I'm a dumbass, not an idiot."

I had SO much fun writing this, forgot how much I missed doing it. I hope you like it! And thanks for being patient with me!

-Mars 🌠

#tmnt bayverse #tmnt headcanons #tmnt x reader #tmnt donatello #tmnt 2016 #tmnt 2014 #ask response #askbox #submission #answered

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nerdywriter36 · 3 years ago

Text

To Help the Helpless

AO3

FFN

erik sees himself in all the sick, injured, and abandoned pets he sees in animal shelters and is determined to give them the love and comfort that they deserve in their time of need when he wasn't granted the same as a human being. christine and their friends could not be happier to help.

this concept was born out of a discussion about erik and his pets with @ofserien, so thank you to her for helping to bring this idea to life :) it's been so long so I've posted on here because of my hiatus, but the first oneshot I've written since officially returning to tumblr. i really hope you all enjoy it! likes and reblogs are always appreciated <3

"You brought in another one, Erik? Isn't your house full enough already?"

Erik simply rolled his eyes and turned to look back at Nadir, who was glancing at the variety of dogs and cats residing in their crates throughout his living room. "There is never too many rescues, Nadir, especially not when I'm taking them away from people who will put them down simply because they aren't getting adopted," he replied.

"And what's wrong with this one?" Nadir queried, gesturing to the puppy that his friend was carrying rather like a football - tucked against his side and laying along his forearm. "It looks fine to me."

"He had an old injury that was never fixed before he was turned in, so he doesn't look as perfect as people want," Erik said as he held the puppy up so Nadir could see his bowed front leg. "Otherwise, he is completely happy, energetic, and healthy, but people don't care. Looks are everything in this world."

His voice broke a bit, he noticed, and he knew that Nadir had heard it too. Every day was a different story when it came to how emotional he would get when it came to explaining why the animals had been abandoned and why their little lives were at risk. He hated that it still happened; he had been rescuing shelter animals for the better part of two years, not to mention the fact that most of his own struggles because of his appearance were behind him, but some days were simply harder than others.

He really was fortunate for all that he had to make his life as "normal" as possible, even with his physical differences. A prosthetic nose saved him far more grief than he believed people could understand and the mask he wore was so realistic and close to his skin tone, as remarkably pale as it may have been, that he hardly got rude stares anymore when he was out and about. It made quite the difference in his professional life as well; no one at the Paris Opera House wanted to accept compositions from a deformed freak, no matter their talent. His heterochromatic eyes were enough to put people off sometimes.

"I know, Erik, I'm sorry," Nadir piped up as he shot him a sympathetic smile. "I think what you're doing is great, you know that, I just worry about your stress levels. Not having to worry about you financially, but you're a composer making consistent contributions to the Paris Opera, you run an animal rescue, and now you have a girlfriend. That's a lot for one person!"

"Nadir, I'm fine," Erik replied, passing the puppy he held to his friend and smirking as it eagerly started to wiggle and lick at Nadir's neck and chin. "I'm managing it all, and having a girlfriend doesn't change much."

"Right, you say that now." Nadir turned his head away from the eager puppy, wiping his chin on his shoulder. "What is this thing anyway?"

"Australian shepherd, hence the energy." Making his way around the room, Erik checked the status of every food and water dish, but a buzz from his cell phone made him pause. As he pulled it out of his pocket, he couldn't help but smile when he saw a message from the new light in his life: Christine.

He still wasn’t exactly sure how he had gotten so fortunate as to have Christine in his life. After all, their first introduction had been at the Paris Opera House when he had nearly run her right over in his eager rush to leave the very same building. As intricate and realistic as his mask may have looked, he never enjoyed being out in public, and he knew that everything about him was under harsh scrutiny when it came to the committee of men taking his submissions and suggestions for the music at the Opera. He wouldn’t have become a successful composer, having his music played at one of the most prestigious opera houses in the world, without them, but with the way they stared at him whenever he walked in, it certainly wasn’t easy to face them.

“Is that the new light of your life?” Nadir asked with a smirk, watching the lovesick smile growing on his friend’s face. “What did she say?”

“Just ‘hi’,” Erik replied, his unmasked cheek already flushed pink as he replied to the message.

Nadir scoffed and set the puppy down in a small pen filled with blankets off to the side. “You are in deep, my friend. How long have you been dating, three months? And just ‘hi’ still manages to make you blush? Does she not make more flirtatious comments than just that?”

“Oh, like you were any different when you and Kheya first got together,” Erik retorted.

“Hey, now, that...that is not a fair comparison.”

It was his friend’s turn to blush and Erik laughed at the sight. Mockery aside, though, he genuinely was happy for Nadir; he had been through a rough patch before meeting Rookheeya one year before, his father's death hanging the heaviest over him and stealing so much of the joy that Erik knew was in him. Once he met her though, everything seemed to fall into place; Erik still remembered the moment Nadir practically choked on his drink when he first noticed her from across the room at a small gathering at the Garnier. She was a beautiful young woman who shared his faith, many of his interests and balanced out his almost painfully realistic views with the necessary imagination and optimism that he needed. A match made in heaven, if Erik were to pair a phrase to their relationship.

“Sure it is,” Erik replied, smirking when he caught a glimpse of Nadir’s lock screen as he pulled out his phone: a photo of the happy couple themselves, both smiling wide. “You’ve practically wanted to marry her since the moment you met, you’re lovesick.”

“Okay, I love my girlfriend, so sue me,” Nadir retorted. “And I will have you know that I plan on proposing in the next few days.”

“Well, it’s about time!” Erik said with a laugh, patting him on the back as the pair walked into the kitchen. “Congrats, Nadir, that’s amazing.”

“Thank you,” Nadir chuckled, crouching down to scratch the elderly golden retriever lounging under the kitchen table. “You and Christine have to catch up now.”

“No, no, this is no race. We are taking our time, I refuse to mess this up.”

“You aren’t going to mess it up, Erik.”

“I could. You remember how things ended with Lucy,” Erik said in a soft voice as he leaned over his countertop and scribbled on a notepad.

“That wasn’t your fault,” Nadir sighed. “She was a toxic mess, the end of your relationship was no fault of yours.”

Erik shrugged ever so slightly. “She ran off with some other guy and slept with him when we hadn’t even taken that step. I clearly did something wrong or she wouldn’t have left.” That breakup had hung over him like a dark, heavy cloud for weeks and still did at times. That said, the very same bout of depression and dejection had pushed him into the world of animal rescue that he still found himself in two years later, so for that he was thankful. Now, though, Luciana hardly ever crossed his mind; he had found someone to get him out and keep him out of that world of darkness.

“You didn’t, but anyhow, it doesn’t matter anymore. You have a girl that you love and who loves you, an amazing career, and an animal shelter in your living room. You’re doing alright for yourself,” Nadir pointed out. “Speaking of that, has Christie been over here yet? To meet the pack and all?”

“No, not yet. Believe me, it is on the list of things to do,” Erik replied, still scribbling away on his notepad as they spoke.

“That along with two hydrotherapy sessions, settling the new puppy in, getting groceries, working on your new composition, and going to see if you can pick up two tuxedo kittens. When do you have time to breathe, Erik?”

“In between everything. I manage just fine and I will slot Christine meeting everyone in. It’s a delicate process with some of these guys, you know that.”

Nadir scoffed. “Yes, I remember how slow it all was when you first introduced me,” he said, putting a hand up when his friend opened his mouth. “I know why it was slow, but that doesn't make it more enjoyable.”

“Right, well, unlike you, Christine is very patient, so it’ll be fine,” Erik replied. “She’s coming with me tomorrow to pick up those kittens, so I’ll probably ask her over after and try to introduce me.”

“Let’s hope it goes well. We wouldn't want you to have to choose between your lady friend and your pets. I don't know if you’d survive that.”

"Thank you for helping me today, Christine," Erik said, smiling over at his sweetheart, who sat beside him in the front seat of his car with two tuxedo kittens on her towel-covered lap (she had insisted on the towel, even though his car was covered with fur on practically a daily basis). "These two seem like a very sweet little pair. I doubt I'll have trouble finding them homes."

"Why weren't they getting adopted just at the shelter?" Christine inquired, an inquisitive frown on her face as she turned to him for an answer.

Which he did not really have, so he simply shrugged. "They don't let enough time pass to give people a chance, frankly. Not to mention that this would mean adopting two kittens at once, what with how closely bonded they are, and not everyone is willing to take on that kind of commitment."

"It doesn't seem like too much trouble." Christine looked back down at the kittens, her sweet giggle escaping her as one of them mewed and set its paws on her chest to get closer to her, almost inspecting her. "Hello there. You're not trouble, are you? You're just a sweet little baby."

Erik couldn't help but chuckle when he heard the voice she put on to talk to the animal - a light tone, using grammatically incorrect sentences, almost as if she were speaking to a baby. Which she was, in a sense.

"You'll have to help me name them. I name so many animals that I end up running out of options after a while."

"One of them - the boy, that is - should be...Sylvester. Like from Looney Tunes! He looks just like him, it's too good to pass it up!"

"A very good choice, I think," Erik nodded as he began the drive towards his home. "I'm not sure about the girl yet. Perhaps I'll call her Christine."

His girlfriend scoffed and glanced over at him. "Erik, you can't suggest naming any and every female animal you bring into your house after me."

"Why not? I like your name."

"I know you do, but once you get to Christine the Eighth or whatnot, there's a problem."

He couldn't help but laugh; her sense of humour and mild sarcasm had been part of what had endeared her to him in the first place. "I suppose there might be. I do like your name, though, I wouldn't mind it too much."

"Yes, I know that, and if we ever had a daughter, she would be Christine Junior, I know how much you like my name." She giggled again, and he noticed her look over at him in his periphery; he was just glad that he had his mask on so she wouldn't notice him blushing at the thought of sharing a child with her. "You need some new options."

He tried to shrug nonchalantly. "I...I just think it's a nice name. A beautiful name for a beautiful woman," he said softly.

The comment must have been the right one, as he was rewarded with a quick peck on the cheek. "You're very sweet," Christine replied as she turned back to the kittens and stroked their backs as they cuddled together on the towel. "So once we drop these little ones off, I suppose you'll just take me home? I'm sure you'll have lots to do."

There it was - his opportunity to make the offer to her to finally come over so he could truly introduce her to his life in its entirety rather than trying to hide parts of it. A glance over at her was enough to tell him that she was disappointed at the idea of having to go home, as she so often was, and he hated to upset her, so he would do his best to fix it as best he could at that moment.

"Actually, I was thinking...would you like to come in today?" he asked, looking at her briefly again and smiling a bit when she looked back at him, wide-eyed and shocked at the question. "I'll have to settle these two in, but I would love to-"

"Yes," she replied, cutting him off rather abruptly. "Yes, I would love to. Do I have to do anything? Not do anything? Can I help with anything, wh-what can I do?"

"Just be yourself," Erik said, unable to stop a quiet laugh from escaping him at seeing how enthusiastic she was. "Your sweet, gentle, caring self, my dear. That is all that I can ask of you when it comes to meeting the little pack that I have at home."

"That much I can do," Christine said with a firm nod, clearly very dedicated to her mission. "Thank you, Erik."

He frowned. "What for?"

"For trusting me with this, with meeting them. I know that their health and security means a lot to you, so knowing that you trust me to come in and make myself a new part of that arrangement that you have really means a lot to me."

"Of course I trust you, my darling. I...I love you." The phrase still felt foreign in his mouth after not using it for so long after losing Lucy, but he was making an effort to use it as often as he possibly could with Christine; she meant more to him than anyone ever had before and she deserved to hear that from him.

"I love you too," Christine said with a warm smile on her face. "Come on, then, drive! I have puppies to meet!"

"Are you ready, Christine?" Erik asked from where he stood at the end of the hallway, having just collected a young bulldog puppy from her kennel and was presently walking towards the bedroom, of all places, where his sweetheart was waiting. An unconventional setting, yes, but there was a purpose to it.

"Of course I'm ready!" he heard her call back, her excitement practically dripping from her voice. "There's a puppy involved, how could I not be ready?"

"Alright, alright," he said with a quiet laugh as he stepped into the room, the puppy starting to squirm in his arms at the sight of the new person and the sound of Christine's giddy squeal. "This is Lily."

Christine gasped, a hand to her chest. "Lily, oh, how precious," she said with a giggle. "Can I hold her? Or would you prefer that I didn't?"

"No, you can hold her. She's generally good with people," Erik nodded, sitting next to his girlfriend beside his bed and setting the puppy on her lap. "Just watch her back legs."

"What's wrong with her?" Christine asked softly, looking at the puppy's legs that splayed out behind her rather than tucking beneath her to hold her body up.

"It's called swimmer's syndrome. They can't really say what causes it; some people think it's hereditary, others think it's because their environment as newborns kept them from getting around a lot, even others say it was because of defects before they were born, so I'm not entirely sure," Erik explained. "Still, as bad as it looks, it's treatable, which is why we are here in my room."

Scooping the puppy up again, he stood and walked a few steps away to a sling apparatus set up against the wall and slipped the puppy into it so she hung with her paws just above the ground. "She'll sit in the sling for about 20 minutes every day, and I'll just massage her legs and try to mimic walking motions with her. I do this a few times a day."

He carefully began to act on the same procedure he had just described, smiling as Christine stepped over to join him while he carefully rubbed the puppy's legs and helped her to move them the way she would if she were walking as she should. He knew that there was always a risk that the therapy he tried to do for the animals that were struggling wouldn't work, but he was going to try his best. Very few people had ever tried to help him throughout his life, so he thought he would allow the animals to have that, whether they knew they had it or not.

"How many others do you do this kind of thing for?" Christine softly asked a few minutes into the therapy session.

"A few. Whether it's for little ones like this who have defects of some sort or for older animals who struggle with arthritis and different things like that, therapy does a lot. I do this kind of thing, as well as hydrotherapy, which entails me getting very wet," Erik replied with a chuckle. "But it's worth it when I see the results. True, it doesn't always happen, and they end up turning into hospice cases more than anything, but if I can try and get them back on their feet, as happy and healthy as can be so they can go to a good home, then I'll do what I have to do to make that happen." He turned towards her and smiled just as she cupped his face in her hands and drew him into a gentle kiss, distracting him from his therapy session momentarily. "You are one of the most kind-hearted people I know. You know that, right?"

"You tell me that enough, so I suppose it carries some truth. It's never occurred to me much otherwise, though."

"Well, you had better believe it because it could not be more true," Christine said with a grin.

Erik couldn't help but chuckle as he gave her another quick peck on the lips. "If you are trying to earn yourself brownie points or extra kisses or something, I admire your effort, it just might work out in your favour," he replied, returning his attention to the puppy.

"Fantastic," she giggled, leaning her head on his shoulder and watching while he worked. "Did you have any other plans for the day for us? Dinner, perhaps?"

"Yes, I was hoping you would help me with dinner," Erik nodded, letting the offer hang for a moment before he added, "For the dogs and cats, that is."

"Ah yes, how romantic, exactly what I had in mind," Christine said with a laugh. "Filling food bowls. I can't wait."

Ever since Erik had given her the go-ahead to come over and spend time with himself and his little pack of rescue animals, Christine had taken full advantage of it. Whenever she could manage it, she was at his house, helping him with feeding and bathing all of the little pets in his care, keeping him company while he was cleaning, and even learning how to do hydrotherapy on a few of the dogs that happened to need it. A couple of months had already passed since that day, unbelievably, but she had cherished every second that she had gotten to spend with both Erik and all the animals in his care. She found herself getting close to every single one of them, and she could see how happy it made her sweetheart; Erik smiled even wider than he normally did when she was around, a photo of the two of them with one of his eldest dogs - a golden retriever named Buddy - had become the photo on the lock screen of his phone while others had been printed and framed on his wall. She knew that he had had little joy in his life, but if she could contribute to that happiness along with allowing him to pursue one of his passions, then she would happily support it.

Getting to play with cute puppies and kittens while she was at his house was a nice perk too.

A short while into the arrangement - about a month after Christine herself had been introduced, - she had convinced Erik to let Meg have a gentle introduction of her own to all the animals he cared for. Her roommate had just about lost her mind when she had found out that she had finally gotten to meet all of her boyfriend's pets and hadn't stopped begging her to get Erik's permission for her to meet them until she had finally agreed to give it a shot.

Erik had been hesitant at first, that much was for certain, but she promised him that Meg knew how to keep calm and quiet when she had to be. Eventually, with a slightly skeptical expression on his face, he had agreed to allow her over to meet some of the animals, much to Meg's delight.

As Christine had predicted, the introductions had gone perfectly fine and Meg was quickly scooped up into the little pack Erik seemed to be steadily building. Their visits brought them closer to the animals, to Erik, as well as to Nadir and Rookheya, Erik's best friend and his fiancée. There was something endearing about seeing her sweetheart interacting with someone other than just herself; she knew that he did it for work and all, but watching him so at ease and laughing with his closest friend warmed her heart, even if Nadir didn't seem completely at ease around the animals in the house. For a while, their little group was complete and happy, enjoying every moment they had.

But not every joyful moment could last, unfortunately.

It was the middle of the night when she got the first phone call. Her ringer was quiet, true, but it lulled Christine out of her sleep, though she didn't bother to look at the screen to see who was calling. 'Whatever scam caller it is can just leave a message for me to delete,' she thought to herself as she rolled over onto her side and buried her face in her pillow to attempt to fall back to sleep.

Her phone fell silent for just a moment, but within moments, it had started ringing again.

With a huff, Christine sat up and grabbed her phone, squinting at the brightness of the screen, and saw her boyfriend's name and picture on her screen, which made her frown. It was just past two in the morning, why would he be calling her? Her heart was already racing a bit as she pressed the green 'Answer' button and held her phone to her ear.

"Hello? Erik, what's going on?"

Hiccuping breaths were what she heard first, which only serve to worry her more. "C-Christine, come over," Erik finally managed to say, his voice choked with tears. "Buddy is...something's wrong, please come over."

"Okay, it's okay. I'll be right there and I'll bring Meg with me," she replied, trying to keep her voice as calm as possible despite her own worry about the dog that she'd become so close with. "Have you called Nadir?"

"He's here already. Rookheya too," Erik said, sniffling quietly. "Just please come over, Christine, please."

"Okay, okay, I'm coming. I'll be there as soon as I can. I love you."

Not hearing a response from Erik told her how distracted and worried he was - he always returned her affections, and she wasn't even offended by the lack of reciprocation; she was only worried.

Christine quickly climbed out of bed, deciding not to bother changing out of her pyjamas given how warm it was outside and only grabbing a pair of socks to quickly slip on. Throwing open her bedroom door, she hurried next door to Meg's room, walked inside and over to her bed to shake her gently. "Meg. Meg, get up, come on."

She rolled her eyes when her friend simply moaned sleepily and pulled her covers over her head. "Meg, please get up. Erik just called me, something's wrong, we have to go over there."

That was enough to make Meg's eyes open rather quickly and she moved the blankets to look up at her friend. "What's happening?" she asked.

"I don't know, all I know is that it's Buddy and Erik is crying, so it's bad," Christine replied with a sigh. "Please get up so we can go."

"Okay, I'm up. Go get your shoes on, I'll be down in a sec," Meg said, clambering out of bed and shuffling past her friend to get dressed.

Within minutes, the two of them were in Christine's car driving towards Erik's house, the open roads with that time at night helping their travel immensely. Not knowing what was wrong was driving Christine half-mad, though she was drawing some unfortunate conclusions, considering the animal that was involved. If she was right, it made sense why Erik had sounded so upset; she knew how much he loved that dog.

"Nadir just texted you," Meg said softly, looking at her friend's phone while she couldn't do so herself. "Asking if we're going to be there soon."

"Just tell him that we will be. That I'm driving as fast as I can without risking getting arrested in the process," Christine said, managing a quiet laugh.

She saw her friend nod as she typed away, the clicking of the keys the only sound in the car. A moment later: "He says, 'As long as you hurry. Get here before'..." Meg trailed off at that, making Christine turn to look at her.

"Before what? What did he say?"

"'Before we lose him.'"

Christine's heart seemed to leap into her throat and, without a word, pushed her foot down ever so slightly harder on the gas pedal, just praying they'd arrive in time.

The two young women burst through the house's front door as soon as they arrived, Christine making use of her spare key. She didn't even need to wonder where everyone else would be; she knew that Erik kept that golden retriever by his bedside every night so that he could monitor him. Nothing had ever happened before that had warranted any action, but something had obviously changed that night. Drastically.

Bolting up the stairs with Meg right behind her, she quickly arrived at her boyfriend's room, which was completely dark save for his bedside lamp, and her heart sank when she saw him in the middle of the floor holding Buddy in his arms, Nadir and Rookheya close by.

"Erik, I'm here," she whispered as she moved to sit beside him and wrapped an arm around his waist. "I came as fast as I could, what's happening?"

"I don't know," Erik replied with a sniffle, stroking the dog's fur as he spoke. "They said he had more time. Not much, but more than this, I don't understand."

His words were drowned out by his tears as he leaned forward and buried his face in the retriever's fur, so Christine simply hushed him and rubbed his back. "I know, I'm sorry," she said with a quiet sigh. "You've done so much for him and for all the animals you take care of, Erik, you have to remember that. Whatever happens tonight is not a result of what you've done, you have done everything possible for him."

"Not enough, though. This wouldn't be happening if I had done enough," Erik managed to say through his tears, a sob slipping out of him.

Christine's own throat tightened up hearing the heartbreak spilling over through his words, so she was fortunate that Nadir shuffled over, set a hand on his friend's back and took on the role of the comforter from her; she couldn't trust herself not to cry, so she simply focused on trying to give the elderly dog as much love as she could possibly convey.

"Erik, you know it isn't your fault," Nadir said softly. "He's ill and I know that you've known that for a while now; you always knew he was going to be a hospice case from the beginning. You have to keep that in mind because if you don't, I know that you will blame it on yourself and you can't do that. He's had a wonderful life with you."

"He's right, Erik, you've given him so much," Christine said, finding it in her to dry a few stray tears and contribute to the conversation again. "He's had a beautiful life here with you, he knows that you love him."

Erik's only response was a nod as he lifted his head enough to gently kiss the top of the dog's head. "I love you, Buddy. We all do," he whispered, trying to force a smile as the dog turned his head to glance up at him, and Christine noticed Erik move his hand to rest over the dog's chest, clearly to feel for his heartbeat and wait for when it inevitably ceased. Not knowing exactly what else to say, she simply set her hand over her sweetheart's resting her head on his shoulder as everyone simply waited for the inevitable.

It didn't take long, in the end, and Erik didn't say a word; the way he muffled a sob and leaned over the dog to hold him to his chest told everyone what they needed to know. Christine hadn't quite expected to get as emotional as she did. She knew that she was attached to all of Erik's animals and that even the thought of her love in pain made her heart ache, but there had been something different this time. Erik had loved Buddy probably more than any of his other rescues, and she had a strong feeling that that love had been mutual.

It turned out that she wasn't the only one getting emotional; she had expected to see a few tears from Meg, and there they were, but looking over at Erik's other friends, she found Rookheya with her face tucked in the crook of Nadir's neck, the slight shake of her shoulders the only clue that she was emotional, while even Nadir - Nadir 'I don't like pets much' Khan - had tears in his eyes. Whether it was Buddy's death or Erik's reaction that had made him cry, she couldn't tell, but the show of empathy for what his friend was going through was something that she appreciated and knew that Erik would too.

Quickly drying her cheeks, she leaned over and gently kissed Erik's cheek. "I'm so sorry," she whispered as she reached up and gently wiped his tears away. "But you gave him such a beautiful life, just like you're doing for all the others you're caring for. They needed someone and you were there to rescue them. I'm so proud of you for that, and Buddy was proud too."

Erik managed a weak smile as he turned to look at her, leaning forward just enough to press his forehead to hers. "Do you think so?" he croaked.

"I know so, my darling. I have no doubt of it."

#my writing #i dont even know how this idea came to me #but it did #i apologize for the bit of angst #but i hope you enjoy it regardless!#e/c #erik x christine #erik/christine #poto #phantom of the opera #kerik #susan kay phantom #nadir khan #meg giry #christine daae #erik

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commander-rahrah · 4 years ago

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RESIDENCY: SECOND CHANCES (AN OPEN HEART FIC): PART FOUR

Pairing: MC (Jordynne Holland) X Ethan Ramsey X Bryce Lahela; MC X Bryce; MC X Ethan. Please note that both pairings are present in this fan fiction — off & on, at the same times, and the relationships do ebb & flow. Please keep this in mind. Thank you.

Masterlist: Click Here

Chapter Rating: T

Word Count: 3940+

Description: Everybody’s first day back at Edenbrook. Is this second year everything they will need it to be?

Disclaimer: Characters, storyline, and parts of the dialogue are taken from Pixelberry’s Choices. They fully own the characters, dialogue, backgrounds, etc. MC Jordynne’s background is my own creation, based loosely off of MC in-game’s personality and provided with more details.

Author’s Note: Ha. Soooo, its been a while. A long while. Many factors went into delaying updating this fic. First of all -- the pandemic. I am an essential worker. I am tired, and stressed. Yes, still. I am tired. I wake up, drive, work, drive, home, eat, sleep. That’s it. My freetime, creativity. mental health, etc. has been at an all time low. Second of all -- life. Soooo much has happened for my little family. My partner and I bought our first home and rescued our absolutely gorgeous puppy from a rescue shelter. It can be a bit hard to find time to write between putting your entire life into boxes, not having any furniture for 3 months and chasing after a puppy. Third -- I honestly felt like I lost my touch with my characters after reading Open Heart 2. The hiatus was understandable but long. There were chapters that were amazing, and heartbreaking and made me feel like I was soooo excited to write them. And then... by the end of Book 2... I felt lost? My favorite characters voices seem muffled. And I wasn’t sure how I was going to keep going. Do I ignore scenes/rewrite them? Would that compromise the premise of my fic? Being a fic that is in addition to the original PB story? I’m still a little lost if I am completely honest. Fourth -- general posting anxiety. Which I try so hard to avoid, and not think of. But comparison games, lack of notes and activity can get to you when you open yourself creatively online.

But messages of encouragement and inquiries into the next update helped! And I thank everyone who checked in on the fic and on me to see what was going on ♡♡♡ Honestly, I felt like I had no time to write, and even if I did I wasn’t motivated or inspired enough to do it. Tonight, I felt good. The news of OH3 was a bit of a kick starter for me I won’t lie. But I want to get back into these character’s heads -- I want to figure out the god damn mess that Jordynne has made for herself with Ethan and Bryce!!

As always any likes, reblogs and comments are very appreciated. If you would like to be added/removed from the tag list please just let me know! It has been a long time since the fic updated so please let me know if you no longer want to be tagged or want to be tagged.

Taglist: @drakewalkerfantasy @owleyes-374 @lahelable @mayah-mahdy @paisleylovergirl @nicquix @emilymay100 @octobereighth @llamasgrl @timmagicktoad @lilyofchoices @msjpuddleduck @mfackenthal @paulfwesley @ccolz88-blog @mindlessdreaminxo @jooous @lapisreviewsstuff @choicesarehard @themingdynasty @omgjasminesimone @hopelessly-shipper @binny1985 @perriewinklenerdie @jens-diamondchoices @indiacater @chasingrobbie @writingsbymissy @dimitriwife @tacohead13 @amy-choices @mrsmatsuo @checkurwindow @imrookieramsey @bitchloveskcbaseball @mrs-ramsey

Previous Updates: Residency — Part One Part Two Part Three Part Four Part Five Part Six Part Seven Part Eight Part Nine Part Ten Part Eleven Part Twelve Part Thirteen Part Fourteen Part Fifteen Part Sixteen Part Seventeen Part Eighteen Part Nineteen

Residency: Second Chances – Part One Part Two Part Three

Bryce stood near the entrance to Edenbrook — shuffling from one foot to another. Both hands were wrapped around paper coffee cups — one of which he took a careful sip of.

So he had stopped to get her a latte from her favorite café. He knew she would probably be in a huge rush to get to work early and wouldn’t stop to get one. He wanted her day to start off right. At least he hadn’t shown up to the apartment.

Well, the thought had crossed his mind but he had quickly pushed it away. This was about being her friend. He just wanted Jordynne to have a good first day.

His dark eyes kept flicking towards the subway stairs, waiting patiently for that familiar blonde head to come bobbing up. Placing one of the cups on top of the other, he balanced them carefully as he dug into his jeans pocket for his phone. Maybe she had texted —

“Oh Bryce — hey!” His ears perked up at the voice, and was met with a warm smile. The smile that occupied his waking dreams. He liked being the reason for that smile.

“Hey Jordy!” God, why did he sound so breathless.

“Happy first day as a resident!” He shoved his phone back into his pocket, before grabbing onto her latte and extending it out, “I thought you should be extra caffeinated for your day, so I got you...” But his voice trailed off as he realized she was already clutching a travel mug to her chest. “Oh you already got one.”

“Uh, yeah,” Her smile turned sheepish, “I had the exact same thought process as you actually.”

“Heh—,” he chuckled, “I guess I know you pretty well.”

Her green eyes flashed with a look he couldn’t quite read, “Guess you do.” “Well, do you want it still...?” He held out the lukewarm latte again, unsure what to do with it.

“Hey, I’m still Jordynne Holland. When have I ever denied extra caffeine?” Bryce’s white teeth bit his lip as they stretched into a smile. He handed her the cup — their fingers grazing slightly.

“Thanks.”

They fell into step behind the other roommates, trailing into the hospital. As they walked together, Bryce suddenly struggled to find what to say. He had never been one to stay quiet — usually he was the outspoken one. But now he just watched her grasp onto her two coffee cups tightly, her eyes low as she walked into Edenbrook.

Once they made there way into the staff locker room, they separated to their own lockers. He watched out of the corner of his eye as she carefully sat her two drinks down, before grabbing her white coat. She slipped it on effortlessly, before wrapping her stethoscope around her neck. Flipping her blonde ponytail out, she turned to speak with Sienna — her voice to low for him to hear.

Jordynne looked amazing — her lean legs and hips wrapped in a deep green skirt that showed off just enough that it was both sexy and tasteful. Her high necked pale blouse brought out her olive skin. She could be the woman on the front of the pamphlets they hand out to pre-med undergrads. She already was the doctor she was aspiring to be — and he knew she would fit in well with the Diagnostics team. He thought of Ramsey — his pressed trousers, and leather dress shoes. His watch that probably cost more then Bryce’s car. Grinding his molars, he looked down at the wrinkles trousers and Nikes in his hands. Peeling his shirt off he tossed it gently into his locker, letting out a sigh.

But he quickly masked it as Jordynne went to leave the locker room. “Hey,” He caught her attention before she went to leave, “You’re gonna kill it, Holland.”

“Thanks Lahela,” She gave him that smile again. The one that made everything flutter.

“I’ll save you a seat at lunch?”

“Oh—“ Her eyebrows furrowed slightly in the middle, “I’m not sure how my day will look with the team... I’ll play it by ear?” She offered, looking a little guilty.

“Yeah— yeah of course...” His voice sounded a little strained. “We’ll catch you later.”

She nodded at him, pushing her hands into her pockets, “Okay, yeah. See you guys in the atrium,” She called out over her shoulder, her blonde ponytail swinging as she walked away.

Bryce’s brown eyes flickered over to the rest of her roommates, who were all watching with slightly worried looks. It was starting to settle in. Maybe this second year, this second chance — was the beginning of everything changing. ________________________________________________________________ He had originally come up here to get accustomed to his new surroundings. Get a lay of the land. The board had spared no expense with the new wing expansion — and the Diagnostic team’s new office was no joke.

Ethan was standing across the hall from the room — staring into the room through the glass walls. Everything inside was sleek, shiny and new. His hands were bunched up fists in the pockets of his trousers, and the tie around his neck felt a little tight. Had he forgotten what all of this was like while he was away?

Thirty minutes he had stood there.

Thirty.

Standing there and imagining where he would sit at the table — discussing with the team, leading them to the right diagnosis. Researching at the desk, pouring over the hundred books that was supplied for them in there.

But the picture in his head was fuzzy. Even in his imagination Ethan felt like something didn’t feel right. What was it?

The team? No. Mirani and Hirata always did excellent work. He could rely on them.

Was it that Naveen was missing? So many of his biggest successes with the team was with Naveen. And he definitely felt his absence this past year. He had also never really adjusted to the idea of being the team lead for the department. It was thrust upon him, not once but twice. And both times he had been unprepared. Being a leader wasn’t exactly what he had always hoped for in his career.

Ethan’s thick brows were furrowed as he thought, the gears in his mind whirling. Why had he been staring at the office for thirty minutes? What was stopping him from going inside and just doing his damn work? That’s what he came back for — so what was his trepidation?

The light flickering on in the diagnostic teams office brought him back to reality. The room was illuminated, the white light shining through the glass walls and spilling into the hall.

There she was.

Jordynne stood at the entrance of the office, her back facing him as she took it all in. She hadn’t notice him from across the large hallway. Ethan stepped back into the shadows — hoping she wouldn’t see him capturing the moment. A silent laugh escaped him as he watched her set not one, but two coffee cups down onto the table. His lips remained upturned as he watched her wander deeper into the room, running her fingers over the smooth surface of the whiteboard. She had a soft smile on her face as she looked around her.

“Good morning Dr. Ramsey!”

Ethan almost hissed at the sound of the cheerful voice next time. Looking over he saw Dr. Baz Mirani standing next to him with a wide smile spread across his face.

“Morning,” He grumbled, looking back to his view of the diagnostics office where Jordynne had started to settle in.

“That’s Dr. Holland right?” Baz followed his line of sight, and watching her for a moment. “Are you going to head in?” The young doctor questioned, pushing his glasses further up the bridge of his nose.

He cleared his throat, before shaking his head, “You go ahead.”

The young man didn’t think anything of it, and marched over into the office. Ethan could hear their muffled voices through the glass as they introduced each other.

He noticed the next person that came up to him — Dr. Hirata. She gave him a nod, before pausing for a moment and staring at him in the dark side of the corridor. He could tell she was calculating, attempting to deduce what was keeping him out of their new office. But her face remained neutral and she turned on her heel and headed into the room.

Maybe there were too many variables for her to figure it out too.

His blue eyes watched as the three colleagues got familiar with each other, shaking hands and pleasantries. Maybe this would be a perfect time to go in. He had missed the awkward introductions — the worst part was over. He just had to go into the room.

Running his hands over his white coat, Ethan crossed the hall and stepped into the brand new office.

“Introductions done?” He asked, his thick brows raised. He glanced over them quickly, not long enough to make any eye contact. “Great. We’ve got work to do.” The glass door behind him gently hissed as it closed — leaving them all in the office together.

Ok. First step done.

“We have an incoming patient from Manhattan Presbyterian.” The trio slid apart to make room for him as he marched to the board, pining up an abdominal CT scan.

Jordynne, June and Baz grabbed a spot at the circular wooden table in the middle of the room.

“Can you describe the patient?”

“Male, aged 45. Asian American.” He watched as Jordynne took out her trusty little black notebook, and started jotting down notes.

“Symptoms?”

“He presented with a fever, vomiting and diarrhea, and was treated for the flu. He returned several days later with enlarged lymph nodes, abdominal pain, and a rash on his shoulder.” Grabbing onto a black marker, he started to write the known symptoms down on the white board. With his back turned to the group for a moment, he let the corners of his lips turn up for a split second. This felt good. “What did his former doctors think it was?”

“Hodgkin lymphoma.” He made sure he kept his face neutral -- to not give any answers away.

June scoffed, “Amateurs. And his blood?”

He almost laughed.

As the conversation started to amp up, Ethan slipped back into his role on the diagnostics team easier then he had imagined. Bouncing off of each other during the differential — he had missed this.

Then he realized Jordynne hadn’t said anything. She was sitting in her chair, looking slightly awestruck. But she was still writing notes diligently and observing them going back and forth.

“Six months ago, however, he was admitted for flu-like symptoms and a rash on his arm.” Ethan continued, drawing his eyes away from her and focusing back on the conversation.

“That could be the key. Did they biopsy it?” Baz asked, eyebrows raised and face hopeful.

He pursed his lips, “They didn’t.”

“Any history of dermatitis?”

“Was he on any medication prior to being admitted?”

June and Baz asked one after the other, going through their mental lists. “No and no.”

“It could be cutaneous Kikuchi disease.” Hirata suggested. But she didn't do suggestions -- she diagnosed.

Interesting.

June had gotten there first. But she was always like that. It was a race for her.

“The symptoms do add up.” Dr. Mirani nodded, giving his colleague a look of approval.

“I agree.”

There was a knock on the door, and they looked up to see Danny on the other side of the glass. Ethan waved him in where he announced the patient's arrival at Edenbrook.

“Excellent. Dr. Holland,” He spoke directly to her for the first time that morning —holding his breath as he waited for her reaction. But her face remained neutral, looking up at him through her lashes as she waited for him to finish, “Run a biopsy on the patient’s rash. If we’re correct, we’ll begin the patient on a treatment of nonsteroidal anti-inflammatories and prednisone.”

He noticed her swallow for a moment, listening to her instructions. “And if we’re wrong?”

“We’ll re-evaluate.”

“But we won’t need to,” June said confidently, leaning across the table at Jordynne with a wink.

“Team dismissed. I’ll page you if I need you again today.” He turned around, going back to the white board to add their final notes and treatment plan.

Out of his peripheral vision he saw Baz put a gentle hand on Jordynne’s shoulder. He lowered his head to speak in her softly, “I made the same face my first few days on the team. You’ll get used to it.”

Ethan crossed over to his desk to find the patient's file. Rummaging in his pockets, he found his glasses and slid them on. Without looking up from his file, he spoke to Jordynne who had remained in the room, “After you’re done with our patient, you can see Ines and Zaid for further assignments. You’ll be balancing your work here with your usual resident duties. Now that you’re in your second year, that will include rotations at the free clinic.”

“Yes, Dr. Ramsey.” Her voice was so professional, so trained. He had never heard her sound like that. It was like she had practiced.

He heard the sound of her crossing the room, and stepping towards the door. But then she hesitated. “Will we always diagnose a patient without seeing them?” She asked.

“No, but we’re often asked for help by other hospitals all over the country, so it’s a good habit to keep our blind diagnosis skills sharp.” He finally looked up from his file, using his finger as a bookmark in it. But when he looked over to, his stomach flipped slightly as he found that her green eyes already staring at him.

He could see her hesitation, and maybe some nerves. She had just been thrown into the deep end -- and it seemed she was struggling to stay afloat.

“Is everything alright, Jordynne?”

He couldn’t help himself. Plus, it was his responsibility to ensure her success on the team now. It was apart of his job to check in on her.

“Actually...,” She made sure the glass door closed, before stepping further into the room, “Could we talk?” Her fingers were knotted together in front of her -- she looked nervous, and vulnerable.

Ethan studied her for a moment, chewing the inside of his cheek, “About the job? Or about us?”

Her eyebrows furrowed for a moment, like she was in pain. But it was for just for the smallest moment -- he had barely even caught it. “The job.”

Placing the file down, he pulled a chair from the center table out for her where they sat down together. He adjusted his glasses on the crook of his nose, before settling into his chair. “I’m all yours,” He said, folding his hands carefully on top of each other on the table as he waited for her to speak up.

“Dr. Ramsey...," A flicker of doubt crossed her face, before she opened her mouth, "How are you sure you made the right diagnosis?"

Grabbing the file in front of him, he pulled out the patient's previous charts and placed them in front of them. “In medicine, the most logical answer is usually the correct one. In this case, the most obvious answer was Hodgkin lymphoma.”

“But the other hospital had already eliminated Hodgkin lymphoma.” She finished for him.

“Correct. Which allowed us to take it off the board and considered the next most logical answer.” He pointed back over his shoulder to the symptoms he had written on the board in his chicken scratch, “The patient had a persistent rash. Paired with the symptoms present, the most logical answer is Kikuchi disease." He met her eye easily across the table, before matching her vulnerability, "But as to how I’m so sure, I’m not. Which is why you’ll be running a biopsy. We need to trust in our diagnostic instincts, but the second we let arrogance overrule the results, we fail as doctors.”

“So I should use logic... and be humble?” Her eyebrows were tugging in the middle as she processed his advice.

“And read journals. I want you to turn yourself into a walking disease encyclopedia. You can’t diagnose the patient if you don’t study up. If the patients we saw had more common diseases... they’d never have been referred to us in the first place.”

“Got it.” She nodded -- eyeing the bookshelves behind them that were filled with textbooks.

“So what did you think of the team?" He asked curiously, "It was the three of us under Naveen last year, until he put himself out to pasture.”

A soft chuckle escaped her, “You mean became Chief of Medicine?”

He smiled at the sound, “Precisely.”

“Well, we just met but I think I liked Baz.” Jordynne offered, pursing her lips.

“He’s hard to dislike. Walking proof that genetics aren’t everything.”

“When did he join the team?”

“A couple years ago, when Zaid began his residency. He sought a position here to be closer to his brother.”

Her eyebrows raised in surprise, “Can’t believe Zaid would be okay with that.”

“Supposedly, the old chief cleared it with Zaid before he approved the transfer. But I heard a rumor that it was Baz, dressed up pretending to be Zaid.”

Her mouth fell open, “He wouldn’t!”

He shrugged, a cheeky smile spreading across his face. “I don’t pay any mind to rumors.”

She smirked back at him -- and he could feel the nervousness and ice melting between them. They could do this.

Two colleagues conversing normally. This was fine.

“So if I want to get on Baz’s good side, how do I go about that?” She leaned in a bit more towards him, putting her elbow on the table and resting her chin on her fist.

Ethan thought for a moment before replying, “Baz is earnest to a fault. He respects authenticity more than anything so... as much as I despise saying anything so incredibly banal, my advice would be... “be yourself”,” He grimaced as the words left his mouth.

“Oof—“ She chuckled, “That must have hurt to say aloud.” She knew him well. “That’s why you’ll never hear it again.”

She let out another laugh, but this one sounded more sad. Then a sigh escaped her, and she started picking at her lip, “I thought I was so ready for this year. How do I feel like a clueless intern all over again?”

“Because you are clueless, relatively speaking.”

She frowned, “Gee, thanks.”

His stomach dropped -- that's not what he meant. “It wasn't an insult," He scrambled to get out, "You get to spend the second year of your residency in a small room with over three decades of collective medical knowledge and experience. Learn from it. Be inspired to become a better doctor from it.” He looked up, and found her already looking at him again. His thick brows furrowed, “What is it?”

“Oh uh... your glasses...," Her words trailed off as she looked at him, "They make you look smart.” She sounded a little breathless.

He did his best to ignore how that made him feel, the blush that might have been creeping up on his cheeks. So he hid between cheek and tongue. “You’ve caught me. The illusion behind my status. Without these I’m a simpering moron.”

The pair was quiet for a beat, before bursting out laughing. As they laughed, she casually tapped his hand with hers. “Thank you,” She spoke again, but this time her voice was quiet.

Her fingers had lingered on his hand, so she gave it a squeeze. They were cold on his warm skin.

Ethan's jaw set as he felt those familiar sparks. Jordynne...” His voice was a warning. It was only the first hour of their first day.

“I know.” She said carefully, but she looked down at the table.

“We’ll be okay. We’ll make it work.”

He wasn’t sure who he was trying to convince.

“Yeah,” She breathed out.

He moved his thumb gently across her fingers, daring to give her just that smallest bit of comfort. But the sound of the glass door whooshing open caused him to rip his hand away.

“Whoops! Forgot my pager! That could have been very bad!” Baz strolled back into the office -- oblivious to what he had just walked in on.

Both Ethan and Jordynne bolted out of their chairs, stepping away from each other.

“Hmm. Yes. It’s right over there on the table.” Ethan pointed before shoving his guilty hands into his lab coat.

“I’ll get those tests run.” Jordynne had moved to the door, her arms crossed over her chest and face flushing red with embarrassment.

“Excellent. Thank you.” He said with a nod, watching as she turned on her heel and marched down the hallway.

Why was nothing ever easy with Jordynne Holland?

Would this year be any different?

_______________________________________________________________

"Cholecystitis." Jordynne said as she finished adding it to the whiteboard in the diagnostics room. Her perfect block letters standing out drastically against Dr. Ramsey's messy scratch. "Inflamed gull bladder which explains the abdominal pain after eating. Which is entirely separate from Kikuchi disease."

She turned around, capping the pen with a confident smile. Esme was standing near the door, watching the scene unfurl with crossed arms.

"I have to say, I'm not sure I would have spotted that." June spoke first -- looking mildly impressed.

"Nice catch, Jordynne." Baz gave her a big smile.

"Indeed. Especially since we had been diagnosing based on reports, not our own face-to-face interviews. Dr. Holland's specialty has always been listening to her patients. Well done." He gave her a nod, a smile threatening to show on his face.

"It wasn't just me. Dr. Ortega assisted." She nodded to her intern at the door. She knew that drove Ethan crazy -- passing along credit to her colleagues. But Esme deserved it.

"Hey," Esme nodded her head at the trio from the corner of the room, attempting a smile.

"So this is your intern?" Ramsey stepped forward, eyebrows raised. "Well, Dr. Ortega...," He sized her up for a moment, before moving his steely eyes over to Jordynne. "Dr. Holland's one of our best. Consider yourself lucky."

Jordynne felt warmth spread in her chest -- feeling proud of herself. High praise from Dr. Ramsey -- everything between them aside.

"I do, Dr. Ramsey."

"Keep me updated on his treatment." Ethan asked politely, before filing out of the room with the rest of the diagnostics team.

"So I guess you're pretty good at this." Her intern looked at her with a little smirk. "You saw for yourself, I learned from the best. Edenbrook has some of the best doctors in America, and you'll learn from them all. And not just the attendings, but your fellow interns too. I wouldn't have made it through without my friends."

"You telling me to what... be more social?" Esme looked up at her -- her face filled with doubt.

She shrugged, the corners of her lips tugging up, "It can't hurt."

"It definitely can."

"Donahue's from the other night? That's where everyone goes. But first, let's get you back to your patients." Jordynne started to shuffle out of the office, but Esme's voice stopped her.

"Right... Hey, Dr. Holland? Thanks for not bailing on me. Gotta say, that's a new one." She sounded genuine.

"Sure thing, Ortega. I got your back."

This year could be different.

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beautifully-tuan · 4 years ago

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Hi...

OMG look! a ghost!

Okay no, that was not funny :|

Anyway hello everyone. Remember me? I used to post lol. Okay I'll stop making jokes and be serious about this.

So hi (again). I disappeared for a year and now I'm here again. This is becoming a habit at this point lol.

First of all, I'm sorry. I left you guys hanging, waiting for chapters that never came. I said I would post, and I didn't.

But then, second of all, I'm not really sorry. Life happened. 2020 was a disgusting year. Everything hurt, and nothing was okay. I had a hard time, and writing was the last thing on my mind, and that is okay. I really hope you understand because I don't really feel like justifying myself for this.

However, if anyone cares, things have been a little bit better lately. I have decided to get my shit together and be productive again.

So, I started writing again.

BUT, but. I'm still very anxious about being active on this blog again, for various reasons. I tend to pressure myself a lot. When I commit to something, I tend to overwork myself, because I'm a mess like that. Seeing you guys send me messages like "i hope you feel better soon" or "you're my favorite account" or "i love your writing so much" made me pressure myself even more. I'm actually so thankful to everyone who sent in those messages and I'm not blaming you at all like omg I appreciate your support so much :'( it's just a toxic trait that I've been trying to break lately. I want to be able to accept your love and support without feeling pressured or anxious about it.

So yeah, I started writing again, and I do want to post my writings on this blog, but there are a few things you guys should know before I do so.

☾ Requests are closed, for now. I already have a bunch that I need to complete, and I also have a few stories of my own. Taking requests would be extra pressure that I'm trying to avoid. I will eventually open them though, when I'm ready. I'm really trying to write what I want to write, and not force myself.

☾ Please be patient with me. I'm still looking for my own rhythm, and again, I don't want to add pressure by fixing deadlines. I will continue writing the stories that I left on hold. I will complete the requests that I said I'd complete. But please give me time. I am trying very hard.

☾ I started to write for Day6! As some you may have noticed, Day6 are now included in my masterlist because I have a couple of works in progress about them. I started getting into them in late 2019, and they became one of my ults then. I am very excited to show you what I've been working on, and I hope you are too!

☾ My ask box is open. Feel free to message me, chat with me, vent out, talk about your life, about kpop, about anything. I've missed you guys and I would like to catch up

That's it everyone, I hope this wasn't too long I really do love you all and I hope everyone is okay. Thank you for the love and support Im so thankful, and thank you for understanding and staying despite a whole year-long hiatus :((

Expect new content coming in the following weeks/months. Thank you so much and see you guys soon ;)

#announcement #update #i'm sorry #i'm back from the dead #requests closed #come chat with me tho uwu #upon rereading i realize i used the word again way too often

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nycttophilic · 5 years ago

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Semi-Hiatus Notice

Sorry, guys. I hoped that after finals I’d finally get some activity here, but I just can’t enjoy being on here right now. Some stuff here has been giving me anxiety lately, and I just learned about something that’s making me unable to find comfort anywhere, much less on here.

I probably won’t make many posts for a little bit, nor will I message many people so OOC replies may be very slow. But I’ll try to keep my queue running.

Thank you, everyone who’s putting up with me being so on and off LOL!! If anyone’s worried/curious, I’ll explain a bit below the cut.

My mom’s a nurse practitioner but she doesn’t actually work with covid patients. She works with new mothers and women who are having complications with their pregnancies. But for the last few nights she’s been working late with a patient who hasn’t been doing so well.

The patient tested positive for covid, and now we’re all worried about my mom. She’s going to quarantine herself upstairs every time she comes home from work for maybe 2 weeks, but it’s still terrifying and makes me really sad that we won’t get to see her for a while. That and with my mental health already starting to plummet, I just really need to go away for a little while. Thanks for understanding.

#~ѕíncєrєlч; mє~ /PSA/#tw: negative #(kinda)#~wíth єvєrчσnє αrσund hєr tєllíng hєr thє wαч tσ gσ; чєαh ѕhє wαlkѕ thrσugh wσrldѕ αlσnє~ [OOC]

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mournus · 5 years ago

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I think it’s time to say goodbye

Hi everyone, this is (I suppose) me officially announcing a hiatus. At this point, I think it’s going to be permanent but never say never, right?

I’m sorry to everyone who had ongoing things with me. I’m sorry to everyone who has been waiting patiently for me to recover and continue. I’m sorry to everyone who liked writing with me. I’m sorry to everyone who didn’t. I’m also sorry to everyone who liked or even loved my characters, since they barely exist anymore.

I’m so grateful to all 1k+ of you who have been following me throughout this weird journey. I’m sorry that my mental health got so messy to the point where it bled out onto my blog. Thank you to everyone who has been there for me, thank you to everyone who has tried for me, thank you to everyone who made even a single day a little bit easier in the past 6 years.

I’ll never forget any of this or any of you.

I’m not totally disappearing, if you want to stay in touch with me via tumblr then I made a different blog which makes me a lot happier ( @kpopshitposter ). I’m definitely not expecting anyone to follow it since it’s a kpop/drama blog and would seriously become annoying to anyone who isn’t into that stuff, but if you ever want to talk to me i’m there.

I’ve uninstalled discord because it became too hard for me - but if you want to, feel free to message me for my phone number and maybe we can WhatsApp. I also have some other social media things but I really don’t use them (Instagram, FB, Snapchat).

So, yeah. I love you guys and I hope that you can be even a little bit happy for me. This is a big change and a huge step and took a lot of courage. I’m doing better now and still have such a long way to go, but I really think the worst is over. I really think I’m going to make it out the other side. I did so much of my struggling alone, but I know I never really was lonely because of all of you. You’ll never be able to understand how grateful I am for all the kind messages I’ve been receiving lately and all the wonderful people who I’ve even been able to meet in real life because of this, for the people I’ve even fallen in love with because of this.

I’m sad that I didn’t get to do more, especially with my Song twins who are so brand new, so maybe if I do come back I’ll reinvent this blog to be about the ones I miss. Until then, though, I suppose this will have to do.

From all of us, we hope you won’t forget us, and we hope you’ll remember us fondly, like we’ll remember you.

In order of their creation...

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minhoandthebabes · 6 years ago

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Suburban Dad AU part 27/??

TECHNICALLY this is part 24, it’s what I had initially intended to be part 24, but then I went on hiatus and started writing random things in the au.. but yeah, this part goes right after part 23 if you would like to read that before you read this...

Anywho... I have many people to thank for making this possible, but I don’t think I should tag all of them ;; I just want to thank all of you guys for being patient with me.. I know this has been a long time coming.. and I’m sorry to keep you waiting, I hope to write more tomorrow~ but thank you so much for the people who sent me messages, encouraging me to keep going.

You can find the rest of this series (if you haven’t read it) in this tag

Thank you again <3 I love you all

Taemin was passed out, snoring between Minho and Kibum. Kibum’s hands played with Taemin’s locks, brushing them out of his face and twirling them with his fingers. There was an unspoken silence between the two. Minho was reading, glasses balanced at the bridge of his nose while Kibum’s eyes traced his face, pausing at Minho’s lips. He watched as Minho’s lips twitched as if he were trying to sound out the words in his head, an unknown habit, and one that Kibum found endearing. When he recognized Minho was finished with a passage he finally spoke up.

“Minho?”

Minho glanced up from his reading and pushed his glasses back to their original position, “Yes?”

Kibum adjusted so that his head was balanced on his hand, “What happened today?” He was hesitant, worried to reveal what the other couldn't even speak of.

Minho sighed and planted his bookmark back into the pages, closing his book. His hands smoothed the cover as he began to speak, “My ex.. Sulli? She,” he looked at Taemin, his son’s hand was resting on his own. When he saw it, he couldn’t help but notice how Taemin’s hand had grown, his fingers that used to be little fat stubs were now stretched, and fanned out on the palm of his hand. “She wants to see the kids.” He looked up meeting Kibum’s eyes, “I got so mad Kibum.. I didn’t mean to, but I got so incredibly mad.”

Kibum’s hand came to Minho’s cheek, “I’m sorry, that must have been so hard..”

“I don’t know what to do.. I told her she couldn’t even think of seeing them.”

“How do you feel? What do you think is the best option?” Kibum dropped his hand to Minho’s shoulder, his thumb rubbing lightly against the bare skin. Minho finally closed his book and set the book and his glasses on his bedside table, knowing this conversation would be more in-depth than he had initially thought.

Taemin adjusted, rolling over to Minho’s chest, a warm smile graced his lips for only a moment. “I want her to stay away.. Far away from my boys. I don’t want her to hurt them again.”

Kibum sighed clearly seeing the frustration on his face, “I.. I know this is different, but..” he started with hesitation, not wanting to upset Minho, “I would give anything to let Jinki and Onew get to know my ex-husband. Their biological mother is alive and healthy, shouldn’t you ask them what they want to do first?”

Minho let out an annoyed sigh, he grabbed Taemin by his middle and pulled him closer as he scooted towards Kibum.

“I know what you’re saying is right.. But at the same time, she wanted nothing to do with them, why does she want to be with them now?” He said softly as he petted Taemin’s head. The hair was starting to grow in thick. Before Minho knew it, Taemin would just like his brothers, strong and independent, but for now, Minho enjoyed how attached he still seemed to be to his parents. The silence was growing heavier between them and Minho finally spoke up, “You know.. she’s actually engaged or married.. I don’t really remember, I don’t really care.. I guess deep down I’m afraid she’ll try to take the boys from me so she can enjoy her new life with her new husband.”

Kibum just let Minho talk, but finally, he spoke up after that. “That’s not legal, right..?”

“I don’t know. She and I never properly got divorced, but I remember looking it up once. Basically, if a parent abandons a child, they lose all parental rights, so I think it’s up to me to decide.”

“Then I still say you talk with Jonghyun and Taemin.. If they want to see their mom and ask her questions, I think they should. In the end, it will give them more closure and they won’t be stuck asking “what if?”” Kibum said, his voice gentle to keep with the intimate mood.

Letting another silence settle between the two, Minho reached over to rub Kibum’s head, “You’re perfect, you know that?”

Kibum laughed softly, “What makes you say that..?” he asked.

“Just meeting her again reminded me of how much I love you and how much I wanted to come back and see you and the boys.. It really shook me up.” Minho wrapped an arm around Kibum’s waist while the other held on to Taemin. He kissed the side of Kibum’s head, wanting to feel that intimacy for a moment.

Kibum smiled, always happy when Minho got sappy. He looked up at Minho and kissed his cheek in return. At that moment, Taemin started to shift on top of them, seemingly annoyed with the movements and sounds.

“We should really sleep.. Tomorrow’s Saturday and the boys have a soccer game,” He reminded Minho, pulling the blanket up around them, making sure Taemin was covered.

“When are we going to get Taemin to sleep without us?” Minho sighed, “I want to just cuddle you when I sleep.”

Kibum chuckled, “You can still cuddle me, and I’ll cuddle Taemin.. He’ll grow out of it eventually I’m sure. He’ll want to join the older boys anyway.” Kibum took Taemin from Minho’s arms and turned onto his side, holding the young boy. Minho took that as his cue to wrap his arms around Kibum, sliding closer so his chest was against Kibum’s back and his face was buried in his hair.

“Good night, baby,” Minho said, kissing his neck.

Kibum turned off the light and settled again, “Good night, Min.” He said back, softer than Minho.

The next morning came abruptly with Minho’s alarm blaring on his bedside table. Minho awoke to see Taemin and Kibum still sleeping soundly beside him. He was impressed to see Kibum was still sleeping despite the sound. He rolled over and turned off his alarm. Despite wanting to stay in the warm bed with his boys, he knew he needed to go for a run before the other three woke up for their soccer game.

The morning flew by in a blur. Between the game and having to make breakfast for everyone while Taemin crawled all over them, begging for pancakes, and saying omelets were bad for him and he’d die if he had another one.

Kibum, being the gracious father that he was, told Taemin he would have omelets and like it as his brothers needed the protein before they played their game.

At the game, they had to deal with a now pouty Taemin who didn’t want to do what his brothers did, but luckily he was able to entertain himself, picking the white flowers that grew amongst the clover.

Once they were all home, and everyone had a flower from Taemin, Minho decided it was time to sit Taemin and Jonghyun down to discuss their mother. He didn’t want to do it, but with Kibum’s encouragement, he knew it had to be done.

Minho called Jonghyun into the living room, pulling him away from playing Minecraft with the others. He was already carrying Taemin on his hip so he had both boys with him when Jonghyun arrived.

“Hey dad, what is this about?” he asked, sitting on the couch, “I was kinda in the middle of something..”

Minho chuckled, “I know, I’m sorry.. I have something really important to talk about with you two.” He started, setting Taemin down beside Jonghyun. He kneeled down so he was eye level with Taemin and found himself looking between the two boys. There was a somber hush that had fallen between them and Minho wasn’t ready to break it. He didn’t want to start the difficult discussion, but he couldn’t back away now.

“I.. I met your mother..” He said, reaching out place a hand on Taemin’s small knee. “She found me at work and we talked a bit.. She told me she wants to see you guys again.” Minho was trying not to impose his own emotions on the boys, but it couldn’t be helped. He was clearly unhappy about the situation.

Jonghyun immediately bristled, clearly bothered by Minho’s words. “I don’t want to.” he said bluntly, his arms crossed on his chest, “I hate her.” His voice was sharp and Taemin started to look concerned after hearing his reaction. Jonghyun wouldn’t look at anyone, choosing instead to stare at his blue pajama pants.

His youngest looked between Jonghyun and Minho before finally crossing his arms too. “I don’t wanna.” he said, agreeing with Jonghyun, “she made daddy sad.”

Minho sighed, he could see Taemin was just following his brother, such a common trait of kids his age. Minho reached out and ruffled Taemin’s hair. “Taemin, you can do whatever you want.. If you want to meet her for the first time, you’re welcome to. I’m sure you don’t remember her at all. You and I can go on our own.”

Taemin looked at Minho with wide eyes before looking at Jonghyun for his approval but only received an empty response. “I want to,” he said, looking at his dad, “I want to meet mom.” Hearing Taemin call her “mom” felt like a stab to the heart, he closed his eyes to work through the emotion for a moment before he nodded, “Okay, yeah.. We can meet her, Jonghyun, you’re welcome to stay here.”

Jonghyun huffed and slipped off the couch. “I’m going to play video games.” He said, leaving the other two behind.

Minho gave Taemin a small smile, “It’s still raw for him, it is for me too, but I want to do whatever you want Taemin, it’s only fair.”

Taemin gave Minho a nod, “I want to.. I don’t know her.”

“I understand, there’s nothing wrong with that.. It’s healthy after all.” He kissed Taemin’s forehead. “I love you Taemin, I’ll always be here for you.”

Taemin wrapped his little arms around Minho’s neck, holding him close. Minho picked up Taemin, cradling him in his arms, enjoying the peaceful moment. Taemin always knew what to do. For a little kid, he seemed to read emotions well.

“Now, let’s go make those pancakes,” Minho grinned, “I think I owe you some.”

(bonus material)

“I want you to come with me today,” Minho said to Kibum in the wee hours of the morning before anyone had woken up, the sun was just barely streaming into their window, signaling another hot sunny summer day. Luckily, on that day, Taemin had chosen to sleep with Jinki and Jonghyun in their bed.

“I really don’t want to go out on my own with just Taemin, you know how I worry about him and fighting.. I just need someone to keep me calm.”

Kibum rolled onto his side to look at Minho. He had red lines on his cheek from his pillow and his hair had formed a mess around his face, making Kibum look softer, “Are you sure? I don’t want to get in the middle of this..”

Minho sighed, rubbing Kibum's shoulder with his thumb, “I know.. She was just so anti-gay when I came out.. I’m afraid she’ll want to take Taemin because we’re “gay and disgusting” but having you there.. It would serve as a little barrier between me and her.”

“Fine, I’ll come.. But only if you take me out afterward,” Kibum said, grinning. “I want to go to a nice place for lunch.”

“Deal,” Minho smiled, “Hey.. everyone’s still asleep..” he noted, surprised Taemin hadn’t come in to disturb them yet. “Want to..?” His hand moved from Kibum’s shoulder down his chest until he found his boxers.

Kibum smirked, “sounds good to me.” He slipped closer to Minho, connecting their lips. Minho’s hands were immediately slipping under Kibum’s pants to massage his ass beneath the fabric as they enjoyed their intimate privacy. He couldn’t believe the two of them had spent so much time apart before moving in. He was so happy they were able to share these moments now however, it felt as if they were constantly making up for lost time.

As Minho catered to Kibum he could feel Kibum opening up to him, moaning and slipping closer so his knee was between Minho’s legs, rubbing at his crotch through his boxers.

Minho worked on removing Kibum’s pants, throwing off the blanket. He was ready to do more, it had been so long since they had had a moment to themselves. He pushed down Kibum’s boxers and took him into his hand, rubbing at the forming erection.

It only took a moment before Minho heard a little voice at the door, “Daddy?”

Minho jumped and scrambled to pull the blanket back up for Kibum, protecting his dignity.

“Perfect fucking timing,” Kibum mumbled, pulling the covers up to his neck.

Minho got out of bed and picked up Taemin, “Hey Taeminnie! Good morning! Are you ready to meet Sulli today?”

Taemin nodded, rubbing his eyes, “Why does Key daddy have his pants off?” he asked, “silly daddy..”

Laughing, Minho sat down on the bed, “I think daddy was hot last night.. I should have turned up the air conditioning,” he kissed Taemin’s forehead as he laid down with his son on his chest. It was an interesting start to an interesting day..

#suburban dad au #shinee #minkey #minho #key #kibum #onew #taemin #jonghyun #jinki

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teen-top-sarang · 6 years ago

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Hello everyone

this is going to be a bit of a long post and probably a bit jumbled around (super tired rn)so I’m sorry in advance😓

Today I passed 2,000 followers!! 😭😭 I’m so happy and thankful to you all. This blog has come such a long way since I First created it. Originally it was just an inactive side blog for me to dump photos because my phone storage was always full 😂😂 (if you scroll back far enough you’ll still be able to see random pics and my pathetic attempt at making funny memes😂) I’m not sure when exactly I decided to post updates regularly, it was something that just slowly came about without any real planning. All I remember is wanting to keep teen top alive on tumblr because I watched as my favorite blogs closed down or changed groups. I made a promise to myself and to the boys that I would be here even after everyone else has gone and I intend to keep that promise. Because of my situation (I feel embarrassed talking about it so I wontㅠㅠ) I do not have to work or go to school like most people. A lot of fan sites/blogs have had to go on hiatus or close down because they are busy with their lives but I’m able to dedicate most of my time to updating and learning Korean.

*to all the other fansites/blogs old or new whether you’re active or not I just want to say thank you for everything you did and are doing for the boys. You helped inspire me and this blog as well. I know I am nowhere near being as well organized or on top of things as a lot of you were/are but I’m always trying and I hope you are all doing well and pursuing your dreams whatever they may be💜*

Although I’m pretty much free all the time I do have my own private problems that may cause a delay in things. Some of you may remember my hiatus announcement from earlier this year. Although I’m back things are still really hard and stressful, not just for me but my whole family. I can not express how thankful I am for all the love and support you have given me despite not knowing me and I’m so proud to be in this fandom for exactly that reason. I may sound absurd but this blog, you guys and teen top give me strength and help me keep going. I wish there was some way I could repay each and every one of you but I can’t ㅠㅠ I just hope I can be here for you the same way you’ve been there for me. This blog is a very big important part of my life and I try to keep my personal life and feelings separate from it so I’m sorry if emo me spills over occasionally 😓

Even though I’m happy to have reached this number it was never about how many followers or likes and reblogs. It’s purely out of my love for the boys and wanting fans to be able to understand and be closer to them. I know my Korean is not the best or even close to being good but you guys are always patient and thankful for the little I am able to do. I’ve never had anyone yell at me for being too slow or to translate this or that. Because I’m self taught and my understanding is so limited translation is really hard for me even if it’s something simple that I already know I want to make sure I get it right. So many groups have been attacked over someone who mistranslated and I would never forgive myself if I caused Teen Top to be attacked because of my mistake. I check and recheck and study every word to make sure I am as close as possible but still mistakes are possibleㅠ. I promise you I am trying my best and hardest to improve and I hope one day I can provide you all with the absolute best. This may be my blog but I’m always open to hearing any suggestions from you guys anytime. Feel free to send me a message or an ask for anything. I’m not strictly an update blog haha you can hit me up to fangirl or whatever. I feel like some of you may feel intimidated but I’m just a normal fan like you guys there’s nothing special bout me and I’m always happy to meet more angels💜

I’m running out of things to say hah I’m just repeating myself at this point but thank you so much again💜💜💜💜💜💜 I hope we can all continue to love and spread Teen Top to the ends of the universe and back😇let’s keep on shining💜

#thank you everyone #never in a million years did i think it would become like this #im so happy #thanks #admin post #❤️💜

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pleasedontgethurt · 7 years ago

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Hi! I saw your reblog about social anxiety, and as a fellow roleplayer (I'm new at this) that also has social anxiety I was wondering if you could tell me how you... yunno??? Start talking to people?? I have a couple of roleplayers following and I don't... know... how to start talking to them?????? I just??? I'm sorry if I'm bugging you...

// EEEEEEE, HELLO THERE, NONNIE!! *waves* :D

Welcome to the rp-community! Not sure if you’re in the same fandom as I am, but I think I’m speaking for everyone to say we all wish you welcome here among us, it’s honestly great to have more people here! I hope you enjoy your stay and will have many great experiences. :)

Sorry this took a while, I had a busy day! But you’re talking to the right person!! Thank you for sending me this message, and you’re not bothering me the least bit, don’t you worry about that, nonnie

Fair warning, this is going to be a long post so please read more under the cut:

First off, wow, look at you reaching out to people! Way to go!! :D Anons like this are a great way to start off interaction with people, so if you don’t yet really have the courage to come off anon, keep doing this!

Also, do what I’m doing now. Act happy, excited and cheerful. You don’t have to overdo it, but it usually makes people feel more welcoming towards you. How I’m really, truly, feeling right now? Definitely uplifted in my mood, because I love when people reach out to me like this, but otherwise pretty neutral. Not bad, I’ve had an okay day, but when I speak normally I don’t exactly sound like this. But I do this because it’s a generally nice thing to do and is kind of a cultural thing I’ve gathered and hey, it’s an effective way to get the message across that I’m happy to receive this ask?

With me personally then, how I began to talk to people here, I’ll let you on a little secret. I still don’t really talk to people on here much. Welp. It’s true. I’m really terrible at reaching out to people. There’s a million things contributing to this, aside me being on a semi-hiatus anyway, being terribly shy and feeling uncomfortable around most people, and the fact that I actually have contributing issues in the form of Avoidant Personality Disorder and PTSD from abuse and abandonment, which in short means I simply don’t feel welcome around others most of the time and feel incredibly awkward reaching out to people so I usually just save myself the trouble and... don’t. At this point I’m not sure I even know how to, even, unless I get a really good feeling about someone.

I’m honestly such a weenie in this that if I hadn’t already had friends to rp with here, I would have NEVER in my life even made this blog. I made many new connections through my friends and got to know them better in group chats and that kind of thing. Most of the rest of my partners I’ve gained through them reaching out to me first, and then began talking.

Not all, though. There are people I reached out to first, and basically... You just find someone you connect to in some way based off their muse or the personality and interests etc of the mun, go read their rules, and approach them through IM or asks. Anons are good at first, like I said, but going directly into the IM’s isn’t wrong. Asks though feel less personal so being off-anon in asks and speaking about their muse or anything else related to rp such as headcanons,specifics, etc, is also usually a good idea. That way you can get to know each other better without there being pressure for anything else.

Talking to them about their muse is a really good place to start, but you can also just ask if they want to plot, ask about ideas for a plot, that kind of stuff (and whatever is said about this in their rules, just remember to respect those). Most people don’t object to that. Then you just try find common interests, like your muses or the fandom/franchise or things related to each, and if you just are nice, respectful, understanding and patient, and if all goes well, you not only got yourself a new partner but a new friend!

And as far as the anxiety itself goes... Practice makes perfect. It gets easier the more you do it, but things like age and stuff also affects it. Just trying to ignore it is the best you can do. Use it to develop yourself into a better person who is more in tune with their partner’s needs and feelings, but don’t let it crush you or allow it making you into a doormat who ignores their own needs in favor of others’ (*cough* may be talking of personal experience here* cough*). You also don’t have to speak or rp with all of your followers or mutuals, and you don’t have to be friends with all of your partners. The sooner you have fully understood and internalized these, the better.

But, one thing you could also do is to just...since it’s followers you’d like to connect with; why not, for example, make a post where you tag them, greet them in some way and say you’re open for rp if they’re interested--even better if there are more than one person tagged in the post so it becomes less personal and puts them less into the spotlight than if they were there just by themselves? It shouldn’t usually matter but some people are shy and may scare off easily.

You could also make a promo post for people to reblog that introduced your muse and yourself a little, so people interested in rp’ing with you may find you and approach you.

Also, just a friendly tip: don’t take losing partners/followers personally (if you possibly can avoid it). It’s bound to happen, it happens with everyone, it may not be personal for one and sometimes some muns/muses just don’t mix well or aren’t feeling it so it happens. It’s life. When you don’t build yourself any pressure (or as little as possible) on this aspect of things, and are properly prepared, it will save you a ton of upset and heartache. Also, keep more than just a handful of partners if you can. That way if one goes on a hiatus or you lose one, you won’t lose the entire reason why you were even rp’ing to begin with.

And lastly, which is also very important. If your social anxiety is so bad that it prevents you from communicating well with others or anything else, seek professional help if you possibly can. Sometimes all you need is to talk with someone about it, or sometimes your condition is so bad you also need medication. Remember to take care of yourself. Your well-being should be most important to you, so if you notice things are getting way more difficult for you to handle, seek help. You deserve it, and it also makes it likelier more people will like you, when your anxiety isn’t there making things more difficult. Saying this as someone who did that and is now feeling a bit better.

Other than that, unless someone finds anything to add, I hope this helped clear things out for you! :D

#replies #anonymous #mental health /#long post /#;off clinic #Anonymous

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paperhattt · 7 years ago

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An update on me and my fanfics:

Hey everyone. I’ve been meaning to post this for a super long time and finally am going to. For quick answers: YES! I am going to update “Revenge: A Dish Best Served Cold” Don’t worry I know it has been on a super long hiatus but I will not abandon it. Also I’m so sorry to people who have sent me questions and mail, I really need to respond to those I know..

For anyone interested in why I’ve been so absent and only really reblogging posts on here, and have been on a hiatus from writing, explanations are below:

I’m going to try to keep this brief but I know it probably won’t be since I ramble. (Yep I’m right this is long ahh)

My life has been pretty stressful. College started for me back in August, and it is my last semester before I will transfer again to start on a Bachelors degree next. I’ve been devoting a lot of my time to my classes because I want to end strongly to boost my GPA some more. (Right now, all A’s! But lately I’ve majorly slacked in one class, so fingers crossed I get a decent grade in it..)

There’s been personal matters going on that have affected me a lot to where I have not felt any motivation to do anything what so ever. I haven’t been able to focus on things (like writing or schoolwork) and have been pretty restless.

Back near the end of Sept. I was having some problems with my health because I kept having re-occurences of vomiting and getting sick, and not knowing why I was or what foods were triggering that. I did an elimination diet and cut out gluten and dairy, and have been doing a lot better. I have brought a little bit of both of them back into my diet recently (just eating them occasionally when I have gone out with friends) and haven't been sick.. but I know my body feels a lot better without them.. I’m going to have my blood taken next year so perhaps that may tell me something, idk. My parents are the types where if I am not dying or bleeding out, they will not take me to the doctors. And it’s all fine, I love them both a lot, and I’ve been okay and haven’t gotten ill again. I worry and have a bit of anxiety, so I would have liked to go of course, but they both have busy schedules and such..

There has also been relationship problems (both with friendships and potential relationships). This has all been in the span of this school year starting, so it’s all been happening really quick and has overwhelmed me. I lost a friend, grown distant with others because they have changed, and have had a lot of almost relationships happen but have then fallen through. And that’s been an extreme disappointment to me because I have wanted a boyfriend for a really long time; and have never been in a serious relationship (or really any), but really want to be. For some odd reason I have felt this a lot stronger, the longing to be in one, and a lot harder in my life than I ever have before. And I think it’s because I’ve gotten closer to almost having it happen. I devoted sometime into people who wanted different things (less serious things), and into a guy who deceived me into thinking he was somebody else with different intentions. I’m proud because I cut off a lot of the people who I knew weren’t going to work out with me, including the guy who played me. Regardless I think it all hit me so hard because I gave my hopes up, and told myself having a boyfriend would distract me from everyday problems and make me happier.. of course I learned that you have to be the person to make yourself happy and that it is unhealthy to heavily depend on another person for your own happiness. And right now I’m trying to focus on getting myself happier, not holding the idea of having a boyfriend so highly, and with that becoming more independent again.

There is also family problems on top of that, but they are underlying and have been in my life for years. A lot of things that cannot be fixed, and are hard to live around every day. Things I know will be better once I’m able to distance myself when I transfer to a university, because the environment I am in (and have been in) can be a bit negative and stuffy. And it’s matters where it will just be better when I transfer.

But it’s not all bad, and I hate to sound so negative. I have incredible friends, and have met some people who are more in my maturity and want the same things I do out of life. They have stood by my side through my hardships, and have been insanely supportive of me. Parents are frustrating, and I don’t agree on all the decisions they have made, but of course I still love them both a lot. And I have a sister who shares a lot of the same problems I do since she lives around it all too, so she understands.

I’ve just had a lot of overwhelming events happen out of nowhere and in a short period of time.

I am okay, and from these recent experiences have learned a lot. I’ve just had a really hard time focusing, and have been in this pit lately. But I am starting to pick myself back up, and I know that I’m going to be okay because I have picked myself up many times before.

I’m insanely hard on myself, so I beat myself up 24/7. I’m mad at myself that I’m not doing more, like finishing my fics. and writing independently. I think all the time about how I need to write this post and respond to the messages I have. Just in general (in life) I focus on what I have yet to do instead of focusing all my accomplishments; and from doing that I get frustrated. I’m pretty negative, and want to start to be positive again like I was a couple months ago.. I go through stages like anyone I suppose. This all adds stress on me, that I know I have to change a little, and I know it’s all something I have to work on. It’s just a habit atm.

Overall I’m just a bit of an overwhelmed mess. I know what I want and have a lot of goals set, it’s just a matter of pushing myself harder to do those things (not too much, of course I know). I just have to organize myself again which takes some effort, but I know it’s long over due and something I need to do to be a healthier person on the inside.

I’m ready to writing “Revenge..” (I’m way too lazy to write the whole title lmao) again. I’m starting to feel motivation again to actually write which makes me insanely happy. I just don’t want it to distract me from my homework, and I have had so much with all the classes I’ve had :( Like I should be doing it now, whoops lol.

Regardless I love you all, and thank you all for staying with me and being so patient. Thank you for your support on my fics, and for all the love you give me! I wish I could do more at the moment for you all, and show you how much it really means to me. I’m excited now to start writing again, and hopefully can and will start on the next chapter and on future fics. soon.

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badlydrawnjotarocean · 7 years ago

Text

Concerning the Design Drama

I’m really sorry that this has to be my first post after a long hiatus

I wanna thank everyone though who has sent me good vibes about this situation, it’s very touching

I've been seeing others have an opinion on this matter between Mod Jota and myself. I figures I'd personally tell my own opinions and side on the discussion.

First of all let me discuss the matter of the private conversation that was posted online.

Posting up a conversation that was put in the DM’s without the EXPLICIT permission of the other person on the other side of the conversation? Not really cool! Yes, I did block Jota, but he should have kept that as a private matter between him and me because I didn’t give consent on publishing at all.

Announcing to the world that he was going to post the conversation, even if I had said yes it’s okay, if he published without even asking me about it? I probably still would not be okay with that! I hadn’t even seen that post prior to getting his private message, and it didn’t seem like he was going to tell me that he was going to post this on public! I do understand trying to be transparent to everyone, but when you’re not as transparent to the other person on the other side of the wall as you are with the audience, that's not okay. I'm grateful he deleted the old design and started anew, but the public does NOT need to know our conversation.

In fact, whether or not I DID say anything back wouldn’t really have mattered on the factor, he still was planning on redesigning character no matter what! So why would everyone need to see my reaction nonetheless? It seems a little shady to me.

But since we are here talking about the conversation, lets dive into it!

In my reply, was I aggressive? Yes! Was I not very compliant and open to what he had to say? Definitely YES, I immediately blocked him before he could explain more on his factor. But frankly, I don’t want to hear any excuses after three times a design got stolen from me by the same person!

And frankly? His apology seemed more like he wanted to get it over with because he knew he had been caught and had to do public damage control. Not a very genuine tone in my opinion, however it’s text, tone can be easily interpreted the wrong way, so I won’t hold onto him on that too much.

Secondly, the three designs!

I never publically talked about them because this is NOT something that needs to be public. Again, I do really want believe they were misunderstandings, but 3 design misunderstandings from the same person? That sounds more like a pattern to me.

First time it happened, it was my initial Standswap design!

((The bottom one I gave a little update too but I’m posting this here for facial reference.))

After a few months of standswap being over, BDhumanstar was introduced, made by Mod Jota, prior to DailyKujos!

Also for time reference

And before I dive into why this design made me feel uncomf let me start by repeating what I said to Jota: We are basing off of the same concept and character, so of course we WILL have similarities. However, this does NOT allow our characters to look identical.

Again similarity is fine, gloves? The loin cloth thingie? Sure, the canon Star Plat had em, why not! However, it’s gotten to the point that someone actually interacted with Jota’s blog because they thought Jota had explicit permission from me to rp my Star Plat Gijinka design, there’s an issue.

So when I saw this initially I was really greatly unsettled, however I thought I was just being too overzealous and let it go. It’s Star Plat right? People will be similar! Its a gijinka of a concept that already exists, surely it’s fine if they look a bit a like, they’re on the same concept!

I’m finally off my first Hiatus, and people inform me that dailykujos has a really similar artstyle to my own, and tell me he’s trying to rip mine off. I didn’t think anything of it when I saw it, because I saw it more as he’s trying to draw inspiration from me. So that was a okay with me.

Until I saw his standswap Jotaro which looked a little too familiar for me.

Mine, posted around when I participated in the second Standswap

Theirs, around the third standswap, which I hadn’t participated in.

Again, similarity on same concept, is fine! But the fact that there have been so many Jotaro Stands out there so different, yet this one looks so similar to my own? Doesn’t sit well with me. So I didn’t want this to go on for a third time on accident.

So I told him in private dms about both the standswaps.

I unfortunately did not know that blocking someone makes you delete your message history with them, so I do not have the messages.

However, him acting surprised like this was the first time he had been told his design looks stolen doesn’t seem right.

He responded and apologized, which I’m glad he was very compliant and changed the Jotaro design!

Which hey! Looks different, looks cool, it’s good by me!

He however didn’t change Star’s design until the next Standswap had came up, However, perhaps this was a misunderstanding there, I said something among the lines of your standswaps look a little too much like my own, can you change them? And maybe he only misread and interpreted as one of them, that is my own bad for not being clearer on that matter. I should have said something again but again, I could tell I was hurting his feelings just by pointing out one of them so I decided to give him a break.

Fast forward to about last night? My friends AGAIN tell me to look at something from Kujos, and low and behold I see something sadly very familiar.

Unfortunately I don't have a screenshot of it because Jota did delete it, so forgive me for not being able to get the stamp.

It looked way too much like to a Star Plat I had reinovated for the former standswap, because small redesigns right?

I do understand headphones yes, he’s a DJ, Star Plat gotta listen to his hot beats right? But a lot of his attributes are the same. Again. And at this point, I’m tired of this pattern. Again.

And so, three strikes you’re out!

Now, let me address some arguments I saw.

Firstly, I’m sorry that this was the cause of someone else leaving this community. However, there are somethings that didn’t sit well with me. I’ve already discussed the design aspect, so I won’t get into it. However, the mentality of ‘because you are a popular artist it’s your job to be a role model’ really bothered me. Artists are human, and humans make mistakes, just because someone has a little bit more of a broader audience, does not suddenly make you get PAID to be a behavioral role model. Did I make him feel bad? Yes, and I don’t feel great about it, but I felt it was necessary for him to learn his mistakes. Did I humiliate him? No, humiliating him would have been me publically posting my opinion and scolding him in public. He decided to let everyone know about this and a public issue, not by my hand. However, I’m not mad at you for not holding my opinion and stance nor do I feel any dislike towards you, you’re allowed to think your opinion. Again, I apologize for being part of the cause you departing from this community, and I very much hope you the best of luck in the future.

I also saw someone note that since these are based off of Araki’s characters and so these are technically not our designs. Which can be semi true, for a couple events, I straight up used Jotaro’s design but put different clothes and bam I call him an event character. I won’t call someone copying me if they also draw Jotaro in the same set of clothes that I drew him in. However gijinkas are somewhat different from that. We use the concept of the character as a basis for a new character, and basically morph the basis into a new character. Stand Gijinkas and Human Standjinkas??? are a different territory in general because of this. There’s a difference between having inspiration for a character, and copying entirely. Is there heavy influence from Jojo characters? Yes definitely. Are we stealing from Araki himself? No, because we are making our own concepts based on another concept, designers do it all the time. Two concepts that look identical, not looked happily upon.

And because I see people jumping into this argument, even though they haven’t seen the image itself, please know the context of both sides before assuming otherwise.

And lastly, I want to address Mod Jota himself. I’m aware I blocked him but I’m sure he can see through anonymous, if he really wanted to.

I know you’re still young and you still will make your mistakes. And that’s fine, as long as you learn from them.

What I do not like is how you are avoiding the blame at this point. You said you’re distressed about the situation and don’t want to further discuss this in public, yet once one person praising you, you immediately discuss more about it and you don’t seem very sorry about this at all, and you seem more annoyed I’m not complying with you. Screaming and cursing is not feeling sorry. Shifting the blame on a 'coincidence' is not sorry. And then trying to be like Mango is over reacting and 'it should'nt have gone as bad as it went'? Not a very apologetic move. Not only that, there’s been other situations where you don’t listen to criticism and have this victim mentality. If you are at fault, look at your actions and try and see why someone is being this harsh, and how to correct it. Pouring more research into things comes a long way, especially when designing concepts. I don’t hate you Jota, I’m just tired. I hope you the best of luck in the future and I pray you grow from this, but I don’t think I’m patient enough to see it happen. This will be my final word on this stance, because I don’t want to prolong this drama with what I have already done, I just wanted to say my side of this discussion, and that'll be all.

Have a nice day everyone.

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