#this man would never have a single need unmet if i were his

[mooremars]

Camelot 2023 Act 2 ramblings about the music and book and also the visuals again because turns out one post wasn't enough.

I still cannot possibly recommend anyone actually read this because it is so absurdly, comically long but I still needed to get even more feelings out.

Act 2, Scene 1: The castle courtyard one year later:

• "We shouldn't be alone together" like girl

• I love how she's almost exasperated by it

• When she fantasized about this all-consuming high-stakes love she probably didn't think about how exhausting it would be to actually live with it all the time

• Like having this conversation every single month does sound exhausting

• The way she's actively trying to drive him out of Camelot, Genny is so much and I respect it

• She's really doing her best in a way that involves truly torturing Lance, he should really do some soul searching about why he loves someone who treats him this way

• "I've trained dogs to chase you"/"And those dogs were fast.. the expression his bark is worse than his bite that wasn't my experience"

• Sorkin slightly breaking the tension of this scene which is so needed

• "You're not English"/"Neither are you"/"I think that changed when I became queen of England"

• I also feel like there is a lot to unpack in this exchange

• "And when would I do that Genny?"

• The angst in that delivery

• If Ever I Should Leave You is so gorgeous

• I think it was Sorkin who basically said that the show doesn't need magic because the songs provide enough magic on their own and this is the perfect example

• Jordan Donica is tremendous

• I knew him from Charmed and it took me a bit to place him but holy shit

• I may have actually seen him before, I'd have to check but regardless I need to be paying attention to literally any theater he does because I want to go

• This applies to all of them, who am I kidding

• Anyway, he's amazing here and I am probably underselling him in this post because I only saw him half the times and so my memories are much less clear

• And my reference is closing which was not him by this point

• And the outro music (? sorry I know nothing about music) is absolutely stunning

• This song is so romantic but also very shallow

• They're fulfilling a version of love that is all big gestures and big feelings but not necessarily substance

• Because they're trying to fill a void in themselves using the other and when you do that, you can't see the person as an actual person

• Just an extension of your unmet need

• Which is too bad because I think if they weren't, they might actually like each other

• But fuck is this song so romantic

• Every lyric is good, the way they're sung, I think I may for the first time have use of the phrase swoon worthy

• Specifically the end

• "I have a thrilling engagement. I'm giving prizes at the potato show. I'm eager to find out what the qualities of a prize winning potato are"/"I'll be at your side Ma'am"/"Thank goodness for that, those potatoes can be dangerous"

• The lines are so funny and her delivery is so heartbreaking, I am suffering

• I do just love Genny so much and she deserves happiness dammit

• "So the rumors are true, the chain of wedlock is so heavy in Camelot it takes three to carry it"

• Mordred coming out with the one liners immediately

• "He's willing to make any old man a knight I see"

• Pelli immediately threatening violence, beautiful

• The whininess of "I shall be busy tomorrow afternoon" and slapping the bench

• Fourteen year old edgelord Mordred

• Very interesting to have him be a year younger than Arthur was when he became king, really underscoring how young he was

• "I was raising by a mother with a fatally broken heart. Makes for a dark childhood"

• Like do we think Mordred is just trying to drum up Arthur's sympathies or is this actually true?

• "And when you speak to the king, you should remember you're speaking to the king"

• Arthur literally never insists on any manner of kingly respect but his son is a little shit that he hates, so he will

• Love that

• "Dispatch to the court, the king has a child he fathered out of wedlock. Problem solved."

• The blackmail just instantly failing is very funny

• Also would love to know how the conversation about this between Genny and Arthur went

• "I'm not ashamed of you. You don't embarass me though it's not for lack of trying."

• That's too generous, Mordred is embarrassing

• "It's always been my wish that you and your mother stay here where I can take care of you both"/"Stay where, in the servants' quarters?"/"In any quarters you like"/"Except the queen's"

• I wonder if Mordred is the one who feels this way or if he's just parroting back what Morgan has said

• "I was a boy when I met your mother"/"And my mother turned you into a man"/"A man named Merlyn turned me into a man"/"That's a new bit of palace gossip"/"No you idiot, he was my teacher"

• Obviously sarcastic Arthur is always a treat and specifically the facial expression and tone of no you idiot

• But just so curious about Morgan and Arthur because Arthur gets pissed at that whole turned into a man bit

• And he has been pretty chill with Mordred being terrible for this whole scene

• He's very much not comfortable with what Mordred is saying and this is the only moment where Mordred gets under his skin and like that is very interesting

• "In this place the law applies equally to everyone"/"Even the king and queen?"/"Especially the king and queen"

• You are literally watching the light bulb pop over Mordred's head and it's played perfectly

• Everyone in this cast is perfect

• The Seven Deadly Virtues has no right to be this funny

• "Making my Beelzebubble burst" is my favorite but really this entire song is great

• It's such a petulant performance and it's perfect

Act 2, Scene 2: The King's study

• Another amazing bit of scene change music

• The intimacy of them spending their evening playing chess together and talking

• Presumably this is just what they do on a lot of nights and I love it

• I feel like there's definitely potential in a their relationship through chess fic

• Someone please

• I firmly believe they are at like a full 50-50 split in terms of who wins

• "Are you really reading while you're chasing me around the board?"/"Sorry I didn't hear you, I was reading and chasing you around the board"

• And his okay in the middle like he knows he set himself up to get mocked

• Making fun of each other is one of my favorite love languages

• Also same structure as Arthur telling her it will seem that she's rooting for Lancelot to lose and she says that's because she is rooting for Lancelot to lose

• It's just a fun little dialouge thing that I enjoy Genny doing

• Makes her lines feel hers

• I love that Arthur has Merlyn's final warning on his mind so naturally he consults Genny

• And then it devolving into a philosophical discussion about what is and is not possible

• "I was 10,000th person to try, how do you explain that?"/"9,999 people loosened it"

• A perfect and funny line that becomes sweet and profound later on, I will never not love that

• "We have greatness in our grasp, humanity does, but for some reason every time we see it we assign the responsibility to some supernatural force. Or to god."

• You would think given the structure of the love triangle that Arthur would be set up to scoff at the idea that god has responsibility for human greatness in contrast to Lance being extremely devout

• And like I do think Arthur and Genny are actually on the same page but I enjoy that she gets to voice that thought

• This is the woman who first ran away and then threw prayer on top after as a little afterthought so yeah perhaps Genny is not the best catholic

• "Perhaps when he died, his soul transmogrified-"/"What did I just say?"

• Arthur immediately needling her and doing that stupid little hand motion on transmogrified

• They're adorable

• "I enjoy seeing you get riled up"

• This is what you say to a woman you're about to call your business partner? In that way?

• I don't know who to blame because I can't tell if the line or delivery is more of the culprit

• No it's the delivery, I have literally put in the audio as proof

• The audacity, I'm obsessed

• He's got it so bad

• Could've had this Genny

• Like Mr. Purity of Soul who thinks women can't possibly understand politics has absolutely never considered the concept of female pleasure, for sure has never heard of foreplay, and definitely believes the clit and g-spot are both myths

• I love Lance but proposition: there's no way that man is good in bed

• Everything else mean I've said about Lance has been out of love but I love Genny and she doesn't deserve mediocre dick

• And yet he's playing by Jordan Donica so it is also valid and understandable

• Sorry, I digress but gotta find the humor in the whole none of them get to be happy business

• But actually I really appreciate that even in this tragic narrative with big ideas and a lot of angst, they get to have fun and be fun

• Even as their relationship is about to hit its breaking point, you can still tell they're not just torturedly in love but they actually like each other so much

• "And while you're enjoying it, let me ask you this... how often do you write to her?"

• Genny is attempting to play it cool but boy is she not

• The little pause between often and write and then to her, oof

• It's so soft but like the hint is there

• The silence while Arthur makes his move on the board, ugh

• "I send a letter a week"/"Every week?"/"Yes"/"For how long?"/"Mordred's fourteen, he came to me when he was ten so four years"/"That's 208 letters"/"I have a responsibility there, I'm trying to do-"/"Do the chivalrous thing"/"Yes"

• It's so painful to hear their deliveries and realize they're having two separate conversations where they're both upset and they don't understand the other person is feeling the same

• Like Genny getting alarmed at 208 letters, Arthur getting frustrated and defensive about it and cutting Genny's last line off, and then Genny delivery of do the chivalrous thing like she's so tired

• It is so besides the point but how exactly was Arthur expecting the fucking soap opera and/or sitcom situation he's trying to create going

• Like his piece of shit kid, his ex who hates him, his wife that he loves whose feelings for him he doesn't have a handle on, and his bestie whose feelings for his wife Arthur definitely does know

• I know castles are very big but I don't think they're big enough to make that situation good for anyone

• "You've never asked me her name"/"Is it Morgan Le Fay?"/"How did you know that?"/"And she's a scientist"

• Genny has been holding this in for a whole year and she's finally ready to use it

• She says it like she's caught Arthur in some kind of lie which obviously she hasn't but I do wonder if she's had this conversation in her head enough times that she's already thinking the worst

• "He blames me for her condition. All the more reason why I want them both to be here at the castle. She needs care."

• That long pause before condition and the way he says it like maybe Arthur also blames himself

• And they're still playing chess throughout this whole thing as if they can pretend that this conversation isn't causing them both pain

• The sound of the pieces getting moved on the board while during the tense silences, yes

• And now we get to me being emotionally destroyed

• This scene is a roller coaster and the writing and acting of it is perfect in every way

• "We're more than king and queen, you and I. Don't you think?"

• He's so unsure, he's always so unsure it is torture

• The emphasis on you

• But also he does in some way recognize that she's upset about Morgan and he gets so close but spectacularly fails

• Genny is so hopeful on the "Yes, yes I do"

• Him stammering out and Genny trying one more yes to get him to come up with something

• And then that something is business partners

• In my brain I am screaming

• I have done nothing but make fun of Arthur for business partners (and friends) since I first saw this show and I will continue to do it now

• However I do think that for him, in the context of his experience being thrust into royalty, he is actually expressing a very romantic sentiment

• He meets Genny and tells her about Camelot and she doesn't think she's worthy of that

• But here he's affirming that she is, that she's his partner in this and he recognizes her worth

• They talk in the second scene and she mentions that as a princess she doesn't have friends

• And here he's telling her that they are friends, that she isn't alone

• And we see how uncomfortable Arthur is being treated as the king

• And he's trying to tell Genny that he cares for her as a person and not just the queen he traded for in a treaty

• He wants her to see him that way because if she sees him as just Arthur and not the king, then maybe he can tell her how he feels

• But also maybe it you are a man and your confession of love to a woman contains the words "I know this is an unusual thing for a man to say about a woman but" you have turned down the wrong path

• "Yes. Friends. And business partners"

• Her delivery is so ice cold, it's perfect

• The fact that she says this and even Arthur picks up on her tone and knows he fucked up

• Arthur trying to fix things and being interrupted

• His frustration with himself is so heartbreaking

• I am still screaming in my brain just louder now

• Pelli is great but also he is the cause of so many of Arthur and Genny's resentments and miscommunications, the man's a magnet for drama

• He's so funny in this scene trying to complain to Arthur and Arthur already knowing all of Mordred's bullshit

• And yelling dammit so many times in the most perfect way like me with every person who has ever annoyed me

• "Because England doesn't have a law against limericks"

• The fact that even though they're in the middle of this weird emotional mess, Arthur looks to Genny when he's talking about how Pelli's question is complicated

• His thinking buddy

• And business partner

• Also the idea that Arthur is so chill with the fact that he doesn't have the answer, that he's laying groundwork for future progress instead of assuming it will be accomplished by him

• Which is just inherently a concept I think I struggle with, that the world will not change in all the ways it should in my lifetime but the work now still has to be done

• So I like to see it

• Not going to write out another good Sorkin speech about ideas but I love this one too rest assured

• And we've had a nice little break, now we're back to chess and Arthur trying to force out something coherent and me screaming in my brain again

• I still can't get over the way they're still playing chess I'm sorry

• Genny saying "you're in check" with a different delivery every time to convey her emotional state

• The range

• Arthur just trying so hard to come up with anything again, I am personally suffering

• "What I feel-"/"I thought it was right on the money"/"Oh you do?"

• Then I think he says "oh okay" but I don't even know

• They were so close this is the worst

• Still chess

• "Do you regret being born a princess?"/"I'm confident that most people would gladly trade their problems for mine"/"But you're not talking to them right now"

• Firstly the show does an amazing job recontexualizing What Do the Simple Folk Do and everything around it so A+ for that

• But also Arthur is so empathetic in this moment

• "I know you're sad sometimes. That you miss whatever life you were searching for the night you ran from the carriage. The simple joys of maidenhood you called it. You do a good job of hiding it from the court but when you feel sad you-"/"can talk to my business partner?"/"Well I think I might be good at cheering you up"

• The delivery is so sincere

• He sees her pain and he cares so much

• He feels responsible for the life that she missed out on by marrying him

• And he wants to help

• In many ways, he is terrible at expressing his feelings but again in some small respects, he does absolutely knock it out of the park

• Even if Genny can't see it

• "If there was a tournament for cheering you up, I think I'd win"/"Oh as long as there wasn't a bird nearby"/"It wasn't just any bird, it was a white tailed eagle both times"

• The way they move from emotional conversations and annoyed miscommunications back to humor with such ease

• Arthur's bird obsession continues to be one of the best bits of characterization ever

• Genny making fun of Arthur's various words for peasants

• I love What Do the Simple Folk Do so much

• It's just perfectly constructed and the rhymes are pretty genius

• I love every single lyric

• And I love that this song gives Arthur and Genny a chance to be charming and reconnect after the second half of act 1 and the beginning of act 2 were so focused on Genny and Lance

• And then this scene has so much going on that it reminds you why they're the couple of the show

• I didn't need reminding because I'm trash for them but other people might

• All of the little jokes between the lyrics are so funny

• The delivery of "the very last thing you should have is encouragement" is so much funnier than on the cast recording

• Like what is this? So charming

• "My father used to say I sang like an angel who'd been blessed with a particularly pretty singing voice"

• I'm so glad this is at least on the cast recording

• She plays it so straight, it's so good

• This may be my favorite of the songs

• And the dance, they're so cute, the squeeling kills me

• I can't adequately express how much I need to find a bootleg so I can witness this again, the whole scene really but mostly this

• I cannot handle the way they say "Genny"/"Your Majesty"

• Fuuuuck

• The groan in the audience at "a letter from my mother", the pure expression of fuck Mordred

• "He's been waiting a long time."/"Yes"/"My mother was his first, you know"/"I had that sense, yes"/"They say you never fully get over your first love"

• Genny hates Mordred so much and she's right

• He's hitting her exactly where it hurts but Arthur can't even tell

• Also fascinating that Mordred can actually see the dynamic between Genny and Arthur and Lance so much more clearly than the people involved

• "You think you might possibly be spending the night?"

• Like her deliveries were getting more panicked but then this one

• Like she can't even believe what she's hearing and he doesn't even get it

• The long silence after Mordred says Lance has the queen's protection detail

• As people make mmms in the audience

• And then their last little exchange

• Ouch

• Genny telling Arthur what she herself actually needs to be told and Arthur having no clue

• "His queen's in danger"

• Mordred is the absolute worst and it's perfect

• The reprise of the Simple Joys of Maidenhood, so sad and I can't handle it

• I think this is her moment of just fully sitting in the idea that her husband doesn't love her and sees her so completely separate from that that he doesn't even understand why she's so upset to see him dash away overnight to see another woman

• And that he therefore doesn't and won't love her in the way she's singing about

• And thinking that she has the knight pining for her but it isn't enough and sets up her trying to make it enough

• She's grown so much since she first sang the song but she still can't fill the void of wanting this kind of love

• But also knowing that kind of love isn't enough

• I love her

Act 2, Scene 3: The home of Morgan Le Fey/Guenevere's Chamber/ Castle corridor - on that evening

• The into music to Morgan is gorgeous, perhaps my favorite

• It's hard to introduce an important character this late into the show and make them so memorable, even if they've been hanging over the narrative for a while now

• And still have them knock it out of the park but once again, this show is perfectly cast

• The tension of this whole scene is everything

• Morgan's laugh and then "Jesus christ it's the king of England"

• Immediately sets her up perfectly

• And we get something totally different out of Arthur

• I love their dialouge which I am once again trying not to just fully write out, I love their chemistry, I love how quickly their friendliness breaks down

• He does sound genuinely happy to see her at the beginning but as soon as he asks if she's feeling well, they start to cool

• I can't even pick specific lines because everything is such a vibe

• You feel the history and complication and the years apart where everything has changed for both of them and the way that she's the one person who knew him as just Arthur

• "I know exactly who you are"

• Like of course this one was gonna have a line reading that lends itself to multiple things but that's always good and I like it

• Genny ranting to Lance about the number of letters Arthur wrote to Morgan

• She finally gets to be pissed and Phillipa Soo plays it so well

• "Don't review my arithmetic in your head, it's 208"

• Even at her most angry, she still must make sure Lance knows she's right, very relatable

• "I questioned the king, we've all questioned the king"

• This adaptation has built in the knights discontent so well that it's believable that they've just been growing more resentful over time

• "Because one cannot legislate goodness Pellinore, which at the end of the day, is the mission of the round table"/"And what say you Sagramore?"/"Well tell me, when we're all equal will peasants live like knights or will knights live like peasants?"

• Their entire speech is amazing

• The knights growing angrier as they realize they're all on the same page

• The way that it all fits seamlessly into the story we see on the stage but there's also no denying it's about the time we're living in right now

• But again, not in a way where it feels out of nowhere or too heavy handed

• "I throw away the letters, I give away the money"

• I love the way she delivers her lines so dismissively

• I wonder how much of it is her feelings and how much of it is trying to hurt Arthur as much as he's hurt her

• "That part gets left out of the legend" I think is the first moment where Arthur gets under Morgan's skin just a bit

• Like I'm not sure what she wants/wanted from Arthur but maybe it was just that she doesn't like being erased from the story

• "What wife could possibly object?"

• I love her bitterness mounting leading up to this line and actually hearing her call herself Arthur's wife which is I don't think is something she does before

• "I admire the king's commitment to doing the right thing no matter what. That's what a man does, and god knows it should be what a king does."

• I love watching Genny justify her anger because on one level she knows it isn't fair to be angry

• That she really does admire Arthur's goodness and believes he's doing the right thing

• That it's not that he's going to see Morgan, that he wants to bring her to the castle, it's about his actions with Genny

• Or I suppose the lack of consideration of her feelings in maybe the most hurtful way where there was nothing deliberate, it just didn't even occur to him

• She's so hurt

• Everyone in this scene gets to be extremely mad and I love it

• "When he ran out of here, he didn't think it would trouble me at all. He didn't think the letters would mean anything to me. Or staying overnight. Mordred said his mother was his first true love. Business partner. He said it right in front of me as if I wouldn't mind"/"Do you?"/"No, of course not. It's just that it was the first time that it's been demonstrated to me that-"/"Your husband doesn't think of you as his wife"/"Yes"

• Everything is on her face and in her voice

• She's so hurt, so angry, so tired of not being loved

• And when she says of course it doesn't bother her, when she pulls back her feelings in front of Lance

• And her delivery of yes like something clicks in her brain, probably their entire relationship is flashing in her brain and she's building up evidence that it's true

• Lance has articulated exactly what she didn't know she was feeling

• And the music under it underscores each emotion perfectly

• Again Phillipa Soo is just emotionally devastating in this scene

• But also gotta go back to "Your husband doesn't think of you as his wife"

• Like right now I'm just thinking back to Arthur referring to Genny as French to Lance when they first meet and again when he asks her to tell Lance he's being invested

• While Genny in that scene and in the first scene of act 2 keeps referring to her country as England while Lance claims her as French like him

• I wonder if that distinction is one of the things that feeds into her (and Lance?) feeling like Arthur doesn't think of her as his wife

• That she's trying to keep proclaiming her loyalty and he keeps putting a border between them

• At least in her point of view

• While he's as always trying to show her that he sees and respects her as an autonomous individual and not a thing he owns

• Am I reading too far into this? Probably

• (You're not my homeland anymore, so what am I defending now - honestly that it took me this long to make a Taylor Swift reference is a marvel)

• Anyway back to this tremendous scene

• Part of me does wonder if Lance really doesn't know how Arthur feels or if he's in denial because it's easier for him if Arthur doesn't think of Genny as his wife

• Like he does make a point to tell Arthur in the last scene that he and Genny aren't together

• He's gotta realize in this scene how Genny feels about Arthur but curious about the other way around

• Or ya know, maybe he doesn't, maybe he's just as emotionally inept as everyone else in this show

• Don't really have a point, it's just an interesting thought

• How do so many versions cut Fie on Goodness?

• Like not only is it an amazing song but also it's sort of the whole damn point

• If you cut it, the ideals of Camelot are barely even a plot, it's all love triangle

• Also just want to take a moment to appreciate how gross the lyrics to this one are

• This is for sure my favorite sequence

• The intro speech to the song is perfect

• Them just getting worked up about how England is special, it is better, that they're the ones who should be listened to

• "Don't dare question our loyalty to the king"/"A king who encourages debate"

• Again I just love the knights' conflicted feelings about Arthur

• So it's easiest to shift all the blame to Genny and Lance

• This song is so good, this cast is so good

• "That day that I became king, my cousin gave me his tutor, a man named Merlyn. And Merlyn spoke to me of a great cause that I could lead. But I would have to stay unmarried until a young princess in France came of age"/"And you left me unmarriable, a woman with a child"/"I didn't know about the child until he came and introduced himself"/"You raise your voice to me? Have I displeased you your majesty?"/"Stop calling me that"/"I know all about the French princess-"/"The queen"/"and the grand cause-"/"great cause"/"I don't give a damn"

• This is a stupid amount of text that I've typed out but I love their back and forth here

• Arthur trying to justify himself and not wanting to take responsibility and them both getting angry at each other

• Morgan and her relationship with Arthur have been changed pretty drastically to the point that she's not even the same character and I like it and her so much

• I do wonder what the intent was here because I feel like you could read a lot of different things into their dynamic

• And to what that means about Arthur

• I mean I get the sense that she's maybe always been maybe a bit of an outsider, maybe always was a little more world-weary (or maybe not, maybe getting left pregnant while he became king hardened her)

• And maybe their power dynamic has been completely flipped but also maybe Arthur still has a hard time not letting it flip back

• Because like there's no doubt for me that for whatever reason, she was the one holding the cards originally and he doesn't know how to deal with her now

• Like I don't know if she's older or Arthur was always bad at love so she would have just been the more confident person but there's something there

• She obviously has a completely different point of view than anyone else in the show which I love

• And she gets under Arthur's skin so easily

• I guess because she's the one casuality of his great cause, the one wrong he can't right

• Also "stop calling me that" is so petulant teen

• And he was that when he knew her so of course it comes out

• "You seem quick to betray the king"/"I would die before I betrayed King Arthur"/"Yet here you are"/"I can't rise above being a man, a human man. I can't transcend it no matter how hard I try"

• My favorite Lance line

• Ugh it's perfect

• He's so tortured and so good at conveying that in his delivery

• He's getting some character growth

• Genny being both not wrong but also putting it on him so she doesn't have to think about her own behavior

• "My duty is to god, King Arthur, and the round table. I can best serve all three with my absence. It's a small price for one person to pay for a greater good"

• Ooh the self-loathing hits so good

• And Genny panicking because she's about to get left for the second time tonight

• The playing of If Ever I Would Leave You

• Because he is, or he's at least trying to

• To do the right thing

• Genny and Lance speaking French together, always good even thought I can't understand shit

• "No more talking"

• And the bed just being pulled out of the scene

• I just love how the song is interspersed with these scenes, this sequence is truly brilliant and the energy of it in the theater is truly unmatched

• "All the letters that followed-"/"All the letters that followed offered me room and board along with the cash. Imagine how moved I was by the chivalry"

• Ah mocking chivalry, a family pastime

• Again, I just love the way she goes in on Arthur's attempts to do the right thing over and over

• And again I don't know if it's because he wouldn't give her what she actually wanted or pure vengence

• "Guilty and alive once more" is probably my favorite line from the song

• "Let me ask you this question and I'm entitled to the truth. If there hadn't been a cause, a great case, would you have married me? No."/"I was fifteen years old that night and the next day I was king. I was anointed by the archbishop of Canterbury in York and those men think they put me in direct contact with the divine. There was a cause."

• Clearly in her mind he was never going to marry her but we know from Pelli that when he met Arthur when he was already king, he was still very much in love with Morgan

• More than 10 years (plus then a year that's passed in story) before this could be lots of different amounts of time but it could have been up to a few years into Arthur being king which is a long while

• So the answer was probably yes

• But he doesn't say any of that because his feelings don't matter, he's too focused on justifying his cause, that it was important enough to make up for her life

• And ya know Camelot is what's important now, Camelot is what he and Genny have devoted their lives to, he can't fail

• This is the scene where I just conspiracy board Genny and Arthur's relationship

• This is fine, I'm normal about this show, that's why I wrote all of this

• Either way I think it must really bother Athur that Morgan might think he's not a good man

• We saw it with Genny and the courtesans thing too

• Like obviously part of that was being in love with her but also I think it fucks with his self-image as a person who does the right thing which is his entire life

• And Morgan's the biggest crack in that in his mind which is why he gets angry pretty much constantly in this scene

• At least that's my theory

• I love that we get see him cracking a bit under the strain of being good and trying to rise above being a human being just like everyone else in this scene

• He's got a lot more moral fortitude than the rest of the characters so it just manifests as him getting to be angry and express it to another person for once but still

• He makes excuses, he gets mad, he won't accept that Morgan's version of events is also true and he can't force her to be okay with it

• I don't know, there's something nice about narrative not saying that making the choices of the knights or Genny and Lance is inevitable, Arthur does make the right choices but he still isn't perfect here

• "And I won't live in a spare room in a castle and be the used and discarded former mistress of a king... but I will be the mother of one"

• So like how much of Mordred's plans are Mordred and how much is Morgan?

• And you know used and discarded former mistress of a king is killing Arthur

• "And he didn't"/"What?"/"Put you in direct contact with the divine"/"That is made clear to me every day"

• Morgan did a good job of pretending indifference at the beginning but the more she lays into Arthur, the more hostile things get between them, it's so clear that if the opposite of love is indifference then they haven't managed to get over loving each other

• It's just soured and rotted but won't die

• More so for Morgan because she paid the price, she couldn't move on in the way he could

• "And I wouldn't want to see your face when you realize it didn't make a difference. There'll be greed and injustice and hate and horror. You can change the stuff but people stay exactly the same. No one whose opponent was human nature has ever won a fight. Human nature responds to-"/"Inspiration"/"Fear. And that's it"

• It's so cruel but also a great illustration of the ways that they're fundamental opposites

• "I don't forget anything"

• Another extremely loaded line delivery

• (Don't make an All Too Well reference, don't make an All Too Well reference, don't)

• The panic and realization of "he's not stupid" and the music that builds to it and Morgan's laugh ugh perfect

• The intro music to I Loved You Once in Silence is gorgeous

• Lance and Genny in white feeling guilty as hell is a good visual

• So much regret

• Just instantly

• I feel like the moment they've actually acted on their feelings, they know that it's not only a mistake but also that their feelings aren't actually what they thought

• Well maybe Lance doesn't quite have it yet in this scene but he gets there

• Not to repeat what I said about the first scene in act 2 but

• My take is that they intentionally deepened Arthur and Genny's relationship and Lance's character but not Lance and Genny's relationship

• They intentionally left it shallow

• That these are two people who are missing something and the easiest way for them to get that is to frame what they have as love

• I mean for Genny it's sort of obvious, she's married to a man she's in love with but that she thinks doesn't love her

• Lance makes her feel certain about his feelings for her and that's validating

• But Lance, I feel like I have thoughts but I'm not sure

• Lance has never been forced to reckon with temptation before

• And instead of facing that in himself

• He just makes Genny part of the list of things that define him

• A goddess on earth and a god above

• Along with the table

• And he can worship them all to avoid having to figure out who he actually is

• It's not him admitting he has a human weakness, it's a grand tragic love story that he can suffer for

• And suffering, well that's what lets him cope with whatever about himself he feels is so terrible that he needs to punish himself for it

• He's so terrified to look inward, so afraid of something in himself that he just finds his identity in other people and institutions

• And he can't hide behind that anymore because he's betrayed it all, every single thing

• I feel like this makes it sound like I don't like Lance and I very much do

• He's just particularly flawed because he's the only one who doesn't start the show knowing that about himself

• They all make choices out of self-loathing and fear of unworthiness but I do think Lance thinks consciously he's above that for most of the show even if subconsciously he knows he isn't

• He's the only one of the main three to not really finish his character journey within the confines of this narrative

• Arguably he only starts right now and finally realizes he's not the man he thought he was

• Again fic potential somone???

• Well that was a tangent

• Jordan Donica's performance of I Loved You Once in Silence is so heartbreaking

• "Lance I made a mistake. I'm sorry but you're a good man and I should have been nicer to you."

• I love that, I love that she takes her responsibility (even if she's already trying to cover up what happened)

• But also it's just the clearst indication that acting on her feelings killed them

• She doesn't need to push Lance away anymore to stop herself from doing anything

• I love that Lance tries to surrender peacefully

• He's willing to take responsibility not for his noble suffering anymore but because he is a good man and he knows he's done what he's been accused of

• And he only attacks because he has to

• Mordred's evil laugh

• Lance being slightly disheveled and grabbing Mordred's sword to fight off the guards and escape

• I don't have any kind of intellectual take, this is just a personal problem for me

• My jaw was on the floor when Lance started yelling back about coming for her if he survives

• Such a tense ramp up into Guenevere

Act 2, Scene 4: The trial/The Battle

• Guenevere has such amazing lyrics

• The entire "more than love met its doom"/"came the sundown of a dream" verse destroys me

• And I love every word of added dialouge, so correct to put it on the cast recording

• I feel I must explain my love for the staging of this song some more because it is so simple and I understand that some people are not into it but I so much am

• I love the way they close off the back of the stage for I think the only time in the whole show and it becomes claustrophobic all of the sudden

• Now Arthur is stuck in this little box in front of the audience while everything falls apart for him and that's what you have to look at so there's no getting away from how devastating it is

• We just get some full force Andrew Burnap acting and I love it, I think by now it should be clear that I would

• In other versions that I've seen, there's a lot more happening and we see Genny

• And we see Arthur see her tied to the stake and Lancelot show up to rescue her

• Which I do like in theory

• But we don't really see Genny have any actual role or even seeming to have any particular feelings about what she's done or what's about to happen

• Like she's about to die and I've yet to see a version where I have any idea if she's got a single emotion about that

• Despite the name of the song, I think this show decided this scene isn't about Genny, it's about Arthur

• It's about the consequences of his laws

• It's about the beginning of his new war

• Arthur screaming "Pelli I know" like we see him start to crack

• Oh to know who told Arthur and how he took it

• "Well do something"/"She's under arrest. She's been accused of treason"/"Arthur I understand that you're angry but"/"She's been accused of breaking the law. She has to be judged"

• The delivery of that last line, ugh

• He keeps it impersonal, it isn't about what she did to him or his pain, it's about the law

• The law they lovingly crafted together

• "What a magnificent dilemma: let her die and you're a monster, let her live and you're a fraud. Which will it be? Do you kill the queen or the law?"

• Fuck

• The delivery is so good

• Mordred is having the time of his life shrieking about Arthur's pain

• The killing the queen or the law bit seems to be mostly unchanged and it's maybe the best single line from the original book

• Although it went from kill the queen and your life is over to you're a monster

• Mordred has to know Arthur is in love with Genny, right?

• Maybe he just can't imagine Arthur could love a person more than he loves his ideals which I guess would make sense given Morgan and Arthur's relationship

• Arthur drawing his sword on Mordred!!!

• "Ooh careful your majesty, you wouldn't want to be barbaric"

• The fact that Mordred thinks that's going to work, that he can continue to poke at Arthur and he won't respond, he really does believe in Arthur's goodness doesn't he?

• "You are exiled from this court. Return and I will show you what barbaric looks like"

• Arthur screaming at Mordred with his hand around his throat is so intense

• It's so good

• Another gasp out loud in the theater moment

• Arthur is fully unraveling and I'm obsessed

• "I know my way out"

• It's such a teenage delivery and like Mordred is just a kid who feels abandoned by his father

• And as much as this is a tragedy for the three main characters, it's no less a tragedy for Mordred

• Aging down Mordred, also a great choice

• And again, just another stellar performance

• Every single person in this cast just knocked it out of the park in a way I never could have anticipated

• "Arthur please, I'm an old man and I know I'm ridiculous but for the love of god, it's Genny. She made a mistake, she knows that."

• I love that Pelli loves her too

• That he isn't judging her

• "She broke the law Pellinore. A law signed by the king. So say the people"

• He starts trying to be calm but then the fact that it's his law brings up the anger and then he breaks on so say the people

• He's written his own destruction

• And empowered others to take the decision out of his hands

• I love the dialouge in this scene so damn much

• "Neither you nor I nor god himself can stop this terrible thing that's been put in motion"/"What are you waiting for?"/"I'm waiting for what's inevitably coming next"

• The delivery of coming next...

• Like obviously he wants Lance to save Genny but he knows that no matter what

• No matter if she lives or dies, peace is over and the round table has been destroyed

• And he needs to prepare

• Also the way he frames what's happening

• It's not what Genny and Lance or even Mordred caused

• It's just what's been set into motion by all these tiny and giant choices throughout the show that have bubbled over into the death of Camelot

• "That's Lancelot du Lac out there and he's brought a battalion. Double the guard, triple the guard, those guards are going to die tonight"

• How many times can I just copy a bunch of text and write the delivery

• Because yup

• The lack of hope from Arthur is chilling

• Arthur getting dragged back into the war he worked so hard to end

• Just every line delivery in this scene is perfect

• Every lyric of the song

• Every acting choice

• And I love to see it visually

• Preparing for war isn't an exciting spectacle, it's tragic

Act 2, Scene 5: Outside Joyous Gard - on the eve of war

• The way they fade in on the eve of war just broke my heart every time

• I would love to know how much communication there was between Arthur and Lance and how

• Like how much of a role did Arthur play in the whole Genny not getting burned business?

• And the fact that his first question is whether they've been injured

• Even after everything, he's a good man who cares

• And Genny and Lance too, being willing to come back and die

• They're all good people who made mistakes but still good people

• "I assure you, if I thought it would end all this, I would light the fire myself"

• Absolutely brutal but like after he lays out all the death and rebellion that have already happened I guess brutal is fair

• Ya know, if I thought he meant it even a little

• "Lance, come morning some of your countrymen are going to be at the end of my sword. It's not personal, it's just my job. Stay safe Lance."/"I can't do that. And neither can you. Godspeed your majesty."

• I just love the idea of Lance and Arthur as these two people who love each other spearheading this war neither of them believe in

• It's so tragic

• Their goodbye is so understated which for Lance is like truly a great bit of contrast

• They've had enough big declarations, these few sentences just distill everything perfectly

• And then we come to Genny and Arthur, fuck fuck fuck

• The first time I saw this I spent like all of intermission and act 2 with a loop in my brain of but they love each other, right?

• I am unrepentant trash for them in this version as though that wasn't abundantly clear

• And Aaron Sorkin delivered for me so hard in this scene

• "Please let me die, Arthur"

• The pause before his name

• And now we get to the part where I start to get like teary-eyed in the theater

• "Two very powerful men did this to you... not Mordred and Lance, your father and me"

• That long pause before and me

• I love his whole speech, I almost typed it all out

• And they allow so much silence during it

• And the way he's like trying to hold it together but he can't by the end

• "You were treated like a queen but you were my hostage Genny, what the hell did we think was going to happen?"

• That he recognizes and actually admits the ways that his choices have harmed Genny, the unfairness in the entire situation he's put her through

• That he can see even through his own hurt and the enormity of what has been set into motion, his own responsibility for what's happened

• Like he's not right but he's also not wrong

• "And for it's worth, I've been in love with you this whole time"

• Not even looking at her so we have to see it instead ugh

• And then watch that long silence while Genny just like rearranges her entire view of their relationship

• "For what it's worth? Did you just say for what it's worth?"/"Well I thought maybe you'd like to know that. But I wasn't sure."

• Just smashing my heart into tiny little pieces

• After everything they've been to each other, after all they built together, he still doesn't even know if his feelings will matter to her

• While Genny is getting ready to lose her mind after for what it's worth

• They're so absolutely emotionally inept

• "You weren't sure? Why didn't you ever tell me before?"/"It doesn't matter"/"Why?"/"How could I? I'm the king of England. You'd have been forced to pretend you felt the same way"

• Again they are delivering lines in a way that is continuing to smash the little pieces of my heart into complete dust

• Like Arthur is again not wrong but not right

• His life is so lonely because of this crown he didn't want and his desire to actually be responsible with that power

• And even now he tries to get out of explaining that to her

• I love him so much is the problem

• And then her mmm like all the pieces are coming together in her brain that they've both been suffering for nothing and she is pissed

• I love her so much which is also the problem

• Incidentally, both of these things are also their problem so very relatable

• "Out of curiousity, if I had told you, what would you have said?"/"That I loved you from the moment I saw you, from the moment you spoke, from the moment you sang me that stupid song about the weather"/"It's not about the weather it's a metaphor"/"I know it's a metaphor"

• The way Genny overlaps him asking, she can't even wait for him to finish

• The way she says stupid song

• The way that she's like, I did fall in love with you over that song but also I still hate it and think it's dumb

• She says it with such contempt

• Icon

• Even standing before the wreckage of their lives, they still can't stop bickering about the song, I'm obsessed

• "I prayed every night that one day you would see me the way I saw you. And then you told me I was your business partner. Yes I was and I am in love with you"/"Just when you thought things couldn't get any worse"

• She prayed every night???

• For two years???

• That he would return her feelings???

• Fuck

• Like I don't know if I can convey how much them being in love with each other and thinking it's unrequited for two whole years ping pongs around my brain and just lights up all the synapses

• "Do you really think 10,000 people loosened that sword for me?"/"I do"/"So do I. That's a nice thought isn't it?"

• It is a nice thought

• I love the philosophy of this show, I love that there's no convoluted Arthur is actually the son of the last king so he was destined to be special

• These are just two people who though birth or circumstance ended up in this position of power and chose to do good with it

• Genny begging for just a little more time like the only reason I kept anything together was being in a theater but if feel confident that if I ever get my hands on footage of this show, I would have already been sobbing by this point

• "They won't let me let Lance save you twice so you have to go Princess Guenevere"

• Hearing him call her by her name is so deeply distressing

• Literally not once before in the show does it happen and it hurts

• And then they're playing Before I Gaze at You Again what an amazing choice

• Turning a love song she sang about Lance into this romantic moment for her and Arthur because theirs was the love story the whole time like brilliant

• That they chose the show's first love song and brought it back for Genny and Arthur being unable to leave each other without that hug and that kiss

• Like this song that is originally about the pain of unfulfilled love for the wrong person and then flipping it to the pain of fulfilled love with the right one

• I am so not okay

• Also people did very loudly applaud at closing when they kissed and I was so glad because truly in my head I was doing it every time

• "I love you"/"I love you too"/"God save the king"

• I mean these are some good last words to say to each other, I'll give them that

• The thing about the original version of the musical is that the ending was already a perfect concept

• Here it just feels more meaningful because they lay that groundwork about inspiring the next generation throughout

• Tom trying to con Arthur about his age is very funny

• This kid is so good and adorable

• "You're speaking to a king"/"I'm twelve years old"

• Like his comedic delivery, very impressive

• "And when did you decide upon this nonexistent career?"

• We get a solid 60 seconds of cynical Arthur and that's about it

• The entire concept of this kid being inspired by the stories of Camelot is just deeply moving and beautiful

• And just the entirety of Andrew Burnap's performance of that realization hitting Arthur

• I love a story that's about the power of stories

• People also applauded at the last show when Arthur says the stories were all true which I also just deeply love

• Arthur's I know exactly how you feel when Tom says he's not ready to be a knight and putting his arm around him, so cute

• "And you will return to your home alive"

• The way he says alive

• Like I think Arthur knows that he's not making it out of this

• Even if he would manage to survive the battle and Mordred, he knows his time is done

• But the the future is still there

• And there is about to be so much death

• Some of it from his sword or his orders

• And the rest of it of his men

• But at least this kid, he's going to live

• The reprise of Camelot... I just love it so much

• "I've won my battle, here's my victory"

• Not a new line but just such a gorgeous one

• The entire idea of the story of Camelot as a tragedy but a hopeful one just gets me

• It's such a beautiful conclusion that this version sets up so so well

• I love that we end on a speech again, just like act 1

• Also that last bit of music as they walk off, stunning

• I have attempted to track down as many older productions of this show as I can including the movie which was good but I am biased and I do sort of think Sorkin and Bartlett Sher and the actors and everyone else involved had the more interesting take on the themes and characters

• A Broadway musical is best when it has simple but impactful themes and big emotions

• And that's exactly what this version gave us

• The highest compliment I can give this show is that not only have I not stopped thinking about it, not only did I tell everyone I know to see it, not only did I want to see the show again (and again and...), but it also just made me feel inspired to see more theater in a way I haven't in a serious while

• I just love this show so much and I'm so glad there are some people here who can't get over it either

• This is what I have to offer, the longest possible unhinged rant and bad quality closing audio, that is all

[michellejgaskill]

10 Ways to Better Understand Your Husband

I’m sure you are aware of the ways you and your husband differ in your background and personalities. You may also have different ideas about how to spend your evenings, what kinds of movies you each prefer to watch, and what your ideas of an adventurous weekend would look like. But when you add to the mix their uniquely male qualities, it surely could be a case for your girlfriends that your husband is from a different world than you are.

1. Remember he's a man.

This should go without saying. Yet, I’m amazed at how many women expect their husbands to be just like their girlfriends and talk about everything, listen intently, and “go deep” with their feelings. Men are not wired for “chick chat” and the biggest mistake wives make is interpreting this to mean their husbands don’t care. Well, they don’t. But that doesn’t mean they don’t care about you.

You can understand your man better when you realize he approaches life differently, tending to focus more on the detail of fact, while you tend to focus more on feelings. While you tend to ask for help, advice and directions, he often will not. When you offer sympathy, he offers advice and analysis, and while you desire to understand problems, he is driven to solve them. Instead of thinking If only he’d be more sensitive, or If only he’d be more interested in what I l like, try changing your perspective to I appreciate the way he brings balance to our marriage

2. Realize his need for respect.

Countless studies have affirmed that a man would rather feel respected than loved. While women long to be cherished, loved, and pursued, there’s a sense in which a man can live without love. It’s respect he can’t live without.

It’s interesting to note that in the Bible, husbands are commanded to love their wives. And wives are commanded to respect their husbands (Ephesians 5:22-33). Have you ever thought about why a woman isn’t commanded to love her husband in return? We are commanded throughout the Bible to love one another, and that includes our husbands. But when it comes to this passage, which speaks specifically about the marriage relationship, God apparently knew a woman desires more than anything else to be loved and a man desires more than anything else to be respected. God must have known that as we respect our husbands, we are demonstrating love to them in a way they can more easily see and appreciate.

3. Recognize his need to succeed.

Your husband is wired to be competitive, and therefore winning, succeeding and advancing are extremely important to him. If your husband feels he is in a no-win situation or is failing at something, it will show in his attitude of feeling stuck or wanting to give up. If your husband isn’t succeeding at something, he at least needs to feel like he’s winning. Let him know he is succeeding in the areas that are most important to him and to you. And if what is important to you isn’t necessarily important to him, let him know every now and then how well he is doing in that area, and it just may become an important area to him after all.

Many a man will give up altogether and go passive when it comes to parenting if you are insisting your parental skills are better. A man may stop communicating if his wife lets him know he is a failure at communication. To the contrary, if you are praising his efforts—even if at this point they are just efforts—he will likely want to continue to please you. Treat him like a winner at home, and he’ll want to be there more often. Praise him for his handiwork around the house, and you’ll find him offering to be your handyman. Encourage him and tell him how good he makes you feel in the bedroom, and he’ll be more likely to initiate intimacy. Encouragement goes a long way. And making your husband feel like a winner will make him want to be around you— especially if you’re his No. 1 fan.

4. Allow him time in his "blank

Sometimes it’s difficult for us to understand how our husbands can sit on the couch with the TV on, not particularly watching it, and not hear a word we say, nor be capable of responding. I call that my husband’s “veg box.” Some wives call it their husbands’ “blank box.” And when you ask him “What’s on your mind?” or “What are you thinking?” and he stares off into space and says “nothing”—it really is true; he’s in a “no words, no feelings” box.

Women, on the other hand, constantly have thoughts swirling around in their heads. We are continually connecting events of yesterday to situations today and drawing conclusions. Our husbands appear clueless at what we’re doing, because they are. They don’t understand how we think and we don’t understand how they can be thinking of nothing. Allow your husband to spend time in his blank box doing nothing and thinking about nothing. It’s his way of decompressing so he can come back and re-engage with his wife and family again.

5. Ask him about his dreams.

Proverbs 20:5 says “The purposes of a person’s heart are deep waters, but one who has insight draws them out.” You can better understand your husband when you can draw out of him his dreams and desires. When your husband has unmet dreams, it might affect how he is processing life or whether or not he is enjoying it. Whereas you and I might conclude he has a bad attitude, he may be dealing with feelings of missing out because he isn’t living from his heart.

Ask your husband what he’d love to do if time or money were no object. Give him permission to dream and don’t discount his ideas if they don’t sound practical or realistic. You can understand what makes him tick, what he secretly longs for, and even how you can share in making some of his dreams come true when you take the time to ask, learn and discover the dreams on your husband’s heart.

6. Treat him like a king, but not your God.+

There’s a difference between treating your husband with the respect and loyalty you would give a king, and depending on him like he’s your God. Many women marry with high expectations, only to be gravely disappointed shortly thereafter when they discover their husband can’t possibly meet all of their emotional needs.

Because your husband is a man, he will never be able to meet your needs for sensitivity and understanding like another woman. Because he’s not your dad, he can’t make up for what you might feel was lacking in a father-daughter relationship. And most important, because he’s not God, he can’t possibly fulfill you in every way. Instead of looking to your husband to be God in your life and fill your every need, look to God as your spiritual husband (Isaiah 54:5). There is nothing that will free up your husband to love you more than taking your emotional expectations off of him and leaving them with God. Your husband can then love you in the best way he is able, without feeling he has an impossible task in front of him. (For practical ways to live this out, see my book, Letting God Meet Your Emotional Needs).

7. Acknowledge his singular focus.

Unlike women who appear to multi-task, men function better with a singular focus and they have a way of compartmentalizing their thoughts and actions. Like his ancient ancestors, your husband is, by nature, a hunter-gatherer, so it’s easy for him to zero in on—and stay focused on—a single topic (Picture a cat sitting by a window watching a bird – he doesn’t move, but is totally fixated).

As you are sensitive to this single-focus characteristic of his, it may help you understand his response—or lack of response—to you when you go from topic to topic in your conversation or are tending to “merge” the areas of your life when he prefers to keep them separate. For example, talking about finances just prior to intimacy will confuse him. If he’s in “finance mode,” he will not know how to transition well to “romance mode.” Likewise, if you are talking about the kids’ schooling problems or your aging parents’ needs while he’s trying to set up the tent on a camping trip, he will likely not respond to your words, let alone hear them.

8. Allow him sexual pleasure with his wife.

Men are designed, physically and physiologically, to enjoy sexual pleasure with their wives. Your husband wants to enjoy that activity and experience with YOU. And you are the only one he can enjoy that with and still be right and pure before his God. And he knows that, even more than you do.

In Ecclesiastes 9:9, Solomon, the wisest man who ever lived, said this: “Enjoy life with your wife, whom you love, all the days of this meaningless life that God has given to you under the sun—all your meaningless days. For this is your lot in life and in your toilsome labor under the sun.”

King Solomon wrote a whole book on the meaninglessness of life. And among the few things he found meaningful for a man to enjoy were a good meal and pleasure with his wife. Now think about that! When you prepare a meal for your husband, isn’t it your desire that he enjoy it? Similarly, will you prepare yourself for him, physically, as his reward after dinner? God paid you quite a compliment when He gave you to your husband as your husband’s reward. God considered you a great prize to bring pleasure—in many ways—to your husband.   That should make you and I want to be our husband’s reward, not his consolation prize.

9. Accept his love for good food.

Do you ever find yourself wondering why your husband constantly thinks about food? Or how it is he can down a whole steak in minutes when all you feel like eating is a salad? Your husband, if he’s like most men, loves to eat. He’ll prefer a meaty meal to your low-calorie morsel every time! And get thisenjoying food is biblical! In Ecclesiastes 2:24, the wise King Solomon says, “There is nothing better for a man than to eat and drink and tell himself that his labor is good. This also I have seen that it is from the hand of God.”

For a man to be able to sit down and enjoy dinner—or a hearty, messy barbecue lunch—is one of the ways God rewards him for his work here on earth. So let him eat. And don’t knock him when he does. It’s one of the simple pleasures in life he was designed to enjoy.

10. Be patient as his priorities shift with age.

Your husband typically values different things at different seasons of life. In his 20s and 30s, he may prioritize making money and advancing his career because he is in his prime “provider/achiever” mode. When he approaches his 40s and 50s, he may be more concerned about making his life count and not “wasting time” doing something that doesn’t matter in the long run. When he reaches his 60s, he may value slowing down to enjoy life or attempt ambitions or “bucket list” items now that he has more time.

Keep in mind, though, that even when his priorities shift with age, he’s still the same man you fell in love with and married. His priorities just change through the years, as do yours.

His secret obsession is a breakthrough program written by relationship expert James Bauer, based on over 12 years worth of research and experience.

It shows women how to tap into a powerful life-long desire all men share, and harness it to transform the way men experience them.

This desire is half emotional need and half biological drive, and it is rarely satisfied in life or love.

Once a woman knows how to satisfy this "secret obsession’ she will become a man’s highest priority for life. This program is already getting incredible results for women in all walks of life across the world. But we need your help to get the word out about it! (And we'll make it very worth your while :) ) Click here

[blackswaneuroparedux]

penman47 asked: Your pages on Stirling Moss and Graham Hill have brought back fond memories of my passion for Formula 1 racing and the Grand Prix races from 1963 through1972. Mechanical failures often plagued Stirling Moss, Graham Hill and Jimmy Clark as man put machine to test. My question would be who of the three would come out on top driving the same mechanically perfect car at say the British Grand Prix Silverstone.

Thank you for your question @penman47​

I received this question just before the sad news about the recent untimely death of the legendary Sir Stirling Moss. It feels prescient to respond now after a bit time to pass to reflect with a more sober perspective rather than let sentiment and emotion cloud any judgement.

In my family we are, it is fair to say, racing nuts. My grandfather had the racing bug and drove classic cars at amateur meets like Goodwood through his friendship with Freddie Richmond and was involved heavily in the RAC Club. He was fortunate to see all three of these racings icons race. He saw all of Jim Clark’s five victories at the British Grand Prix and regularly went to Monaco to see Graham Hill win there five times. He saw Stirling Moss race too and he was there for the Glover Trophy at Goodwood in 1962 when Stirling Moss had his career ending accident. Without taking anything away from the modern era drivers like Alain Prost, Ayrton Senna, Michael Schumacher,  and Lewis Hamilton - all of whom he thinks are a credit to motor racing - he is very much of his era. As a proud Scots, he thinks Jim Clark was the best he ever saw.

My father got the racing bug too but was more of a Le Mans fan when he was growing up because spectators were closer to the action than F1. He had inherited and also built up his own classic car collection that he sometimes races at Goodwood. He was a wee laddie when he saw Clark and Hill race but he doesn’t fully recall because he was too young to fully remember. He loved watching James Hunt, Ayrton Senna and Alain Prost but had a grudging respect for Nikki Lauda. He never saw Stirling Moss race but knew him quite well through Goodwood and at the RAC Club in London. I know his head says Jim Clark but his heart says Stirling Moss was the best British driver.

For one of my older brothers, who has a thing for speed as I do, he was always a big Ayrton Senna fan. Again as a small boy he saw Ayrton Senna race and was part of the converted to consider him as the greatest driver of all time. Senna’s bravery was his own inspiration to take part in the Dakar Rally and other endurance races.

It’s indeed one of my unmet ambitions to ride in the Dakar Rally but it’s always been on the back burner. I would like to ride with my brother because he has the experience but he and I are too competitive and we would fight over who was the better driver - for the record, I know I am.

My mother - being Norwegian - is left to make dry sarcastic remarks about boys and toys whenever my grandfather, father and us siblings talked about racing. But she’s not immune to the glamour of F1 racing either. I’ve been told by my aunts that when my mother was at her Swiss boarding school, and later learning to be a ski instructor in the Alps, she would descend upon Monaco during the Grand Prix with her friends and enjoy the social side of racing i.e. the partying side of Formula One racing. But she’s quite buttoned up about her partying past.  Meanwhile she and my other siblings continue roll their eyes when the subject of racing comes up. 

But speaking for myself, speed has been my drug of choice and flying combat helicopters in the army for a time helped satiate that need. When I left I felt empty and bereft. But if flying single craft planes and gliders gives me weird sense of peace these days (when I can make the time to do so), I get a decent rush from riding motorbikes hard and fast on the open country roads (forget about the urban traffic congested cityscape). Racing the odd fast car I managed to get my hands on through pliant boyfriend or good friend has given me a brief thrill too but it’s been spoiled often with my driving companion screaming in my ear or pissing their pants as I take the turn hard. With my penchant for crashing - tsk, more like a graze - I’m not allowed any where near my father’s classic cars. 

I have been to Grand Prix races, including ones at Silverstone, Spa-Francochamps, Singapore, Shanghai, Suzuka, Yas Marina, Monza, and Monaco, from the time I was at boarding school. I would either go as a guest of my grandfather or father or even with some school friends who lived in Monaco and had links to get entry into the drivers’ paddock. But these days it’s more likely because of wrangling a corporate hospitality invitation that I would have the chance to go - sometimes if I plan my calendar fortuitously and Lady Luck smiles upon me I can catch two birds with one stone e.g. do a business trip to Shanghai and stay on to see the Shanghai Grand Prix. So I follow racing avidly if I can. For me of course the amazing Lewis Hamilton is the driver of our generation along with Michael Schumacher’s imperious reign at the top. And I do like the cut of Max Verstappen’s gib too.

Of course it’s hard for me to credibly assess who was the better driver between Stirling Moss, Graham Hill, and Jim Clark because I wasn’t a direct witness but not many today were either. But I consider myself a racing fan and I have seen old footage. I have also read about the history of Grand Prix racing and listened to others whose expert views I respect. So I hope what I offer is just an educated opinion at the end of the day but I recognise the heart will come into it because racing - at least in the vintage years - was quite romantic even as it morphed into something more glamorous in later decades.

Anyway, your question just added more fuel to the fire in our family discussions over our recent Zoom calls.

I have to say upfront that I consider Jim Clark as the greatest British driver of all time. I’m with my grandfather on this one and I always enjoy playing contrarian to my father(!). But all things considered Jim Clark was on a different level to both Stirling Moss and Graham Hill. And why I think so I hope I can lay that case out below.

It’s important to put all three drivers in their racing context.

Firstly, they all didn’t race at their peak at the same time and in the case of Moss in a different era. But there was some overlap between Moss and Clark and Hill. Stirling Moss had active career from 1951-1961. Graham Hill had his active years between 1958 to 1975. And Jim Clark was only active for eight years from 196O to 1968.

Secondly, unless you’re a racing fan or have seen old film footage, it really is hard to convey to our present times just how dangerous driving was in that era. It was known as the Killer Years in Formula One history. Back in the days when the British government leached up to 97 per cent from a race driver’s income, a racer had at least a 40% chance of dying at the wheel, so tragedies were commonplace. Some prodded the tiger once too often and ran out of luck. It really is hard for us to fathom the extreme danger Grand Prix drivers put themselves under when they hared around the track as one mistake might well cost them their life or a body of broken bones.

And thirdly, it may sound simple to say this, but they drove extremely fast at very high speeds. The temptation again is to look at vintage racing cars in the light of modern super engineered racing cars and think they were easy to drive.

Few drivers in the history of motor sport can prove they’ve won the elusive Triple Crown. Only Graham Hill can. Formula One world champion in 1962 and 1968; winner of the 1966 Indianapolis 500; winner of the 1972 24 hours of Le Mans and five time Monaco GP winner. An incredible achievement that underlines the fact that Hill was one of the most complete drivers of his time. He was fast, but not the fastest. Talented, but not the most talented. The best, but not always and everywhere. Explosive, but predictable. Professional, but with enough self-mockery to pull his pants down at dinner parties, running up and down the tables. Hill drove his cars throughout the most dangerous years of the sport. Calmly and reserved, while he tried to fight off virtuoso's like Jim Clark, Jochen Rindt and Jackie Stewart.

When Stirling Moss drove on the track, he was there to race, not to eke out championship points. And to do it fast, faster than anyone else. For a driver whose competitive peak coincided with one of motor racing’s most dangerous periods when death regularly stalked all drivers, a time when average lap speeds escalated while safety precautions stood still, Moss’ courage and achievements were even more astonishing. Moss knew all about that: witness the serious leg injuries he suffered during practice for the 1960 Belgian Grand Prix, a race in which compatriots Chris Bristow and Alan Stacey both died, or the career-ending aftermath of his accident during the 1962 Glover Trophy at Goodwood.

But for his own unswerving sense of fair play, he could have pipped Mike Hawthorn to become Britain’s first world champion in 1958. Moss won four races to his rival’s one, but the latter benefited from greater reliability and consistency. The pivotal moment came in the Portuguese Grand Prix, from which Hawthorn was initially stripped of second place for receiving a push-start after slithering off the track. Moss was among those who came to his defence.

To this day Moss has won more world championship grands prix than any other driver never to have secured the championship, despite the ever-escalating number of such races. He has always maintained that he’d like to remembered as “a driver who preferred to lose while driving quickly than to win by driving slowly enough to get beaten”. For a few years, after the retirement of the great Juan Manuel Fangio in 1958, he was the finest and most famous racing driver in the world. He was so good that Ferrari not only wanted him to drive for them but were prepared to have the car painted blue, the team colour of his friend Rob Walker. And it is worth remembering that Enzo Ferrari rated Moss ahead of Fangio and placed him alongside Tazio Nuvolari. He is, perhaps then, the ultimate proof that raw racing statistics sometimes mean very little when you are natural racer.

Jim Clark’s raw racing statistics spoke volumes for his achievement and the astonishing records he set, a few of which still remain unsurpassed. More than that he has been hailed as one of the top three drivers of all time in any reputable survey. His achievements were a reflection of the awe and admiration many of his driving peers and others since his untimely tragic death have held about the man and the racer.  

Clark began matching Stirling Moss’s speed in the second half of the 1961 season, and took over the Englishman’s mantle in 1962 when Moss was injured in a crash at Goodwood on Easter Monday. Clark narrowly lost the World Championship that year to BRM rival Graham Hill, after his Lotus developed an oil leak while dominating the finale in South Africa. Two years later he lost another championship to an oil leak, literally on the last lap of the season-closing Mexican GP. The honours fell instead to John Surtees. But in 1963 and 1965 Clark was unstoppable in Colin Chapman’s green and yellow Lotuses, and their driver/engineer relationship was symbiotic.

Jim Clark not only won his second title in 1965 but he did so by leading every single lap of every race he finished in the 1965 season. Therefore, he won every race he finished with what we now call lights to flag victories. It was an incredible feat which has been unmatched by the other truly greats of the sport, Fangio, Senna, or Schumacher.

In 1963 only some obfuscation by the establishment at Indianapolis Motor Speedway in favour of the traditional front-engined roadsters prevented him from beating Parnelli Jones to victory on his Indy 500 debut in Chapman’s rear-engined Lotus ‘funny car’. He led the 1964 Indy 500 race before his rear suspension broke, and in 1965 dominated the event and became the first Briton to win this iconic race since Dario Resta in 1916.

Clark remains the only man in history to have won the Formula One World Championship and the famed Indianapolis 500 in the same year (1965).

His tally of 25 victories was a record at the time. It has since been surpassed by several other drivers, but none in so few races. Clark's came in just 72 starts, a win ratio surpassed only by Alberto Ascari and Juan Manuel Fangio.

Likewise, his tally of 33 total pole positions was first passed by Sebsatian Vettel, with only Ayrton Senna, Michael Schumacher and Lewis Hamilton ahead of Clark. But in percentage terms, Clark is ahead of them all. He was on pole for 45.2% of his races - only Fangio, on 55.8%, did better.

Those numbers give a sense of how Clark towered over his era, a period when he made many grands prix mind-numbingly boring, so completely did he and his Lotus dominate them. Yes, the Lotus was often the best car, but Clark's supremacy was not in doubt. His two titles in 1963 and 1965 were exercises in crushing superiority, and he would have won in 1964 and 1967 as well had it not been for the notoriously poor reliability of Lotus's cars.

But does any of this tell us which of the three would have won between the three of them at the British Grand Prix as you suggest?

Graham Hill may have been the monarch of Monaco - his nickname was after all ‘Mr Monaco’ with his magisterial six wins between 1963 and 1969, a record only bettered by the great Ayrton Senna - but much to his regret he never won a British Grand Prix race.

Stirling Moss won two British Grand Prix races in 1955 driving a Mercedes car and in 1957 where he shared a drive in a Vanwall car with Tony Brooks.

Jim Clark won the British Grand Prix an astonishing five times. In 1962, 1963, 1964, 1965 he won driving the same Lotus-Climax car and in 1967 he won with a Lotus-Ford car. His five victories were a record that stood through the subsequent decades until Alain Prost equalled Clark’s tally in 1993 (Prost won on and off between 1983 and 1993). Clark’s record was only surpassed in 2019 when Lewis Hamilton won his amazing sixth victory at the British Grand Prix (with perhaps more to come). Even more remarkable was how peerless Clark’s domination was as he won four British Grand Prix races consecutively. It was yet another amazing record that belonged to Jim Clark until Lewis Hamilton joined him in the record books with four straight wins (2014-2017).

It might be churlish to point out that Stirling Moss, like Graham Hill, never won at Silverstone even when he raced there. Clark won three times.

In those days the British Grand Prix was not always held at Silverstone. Between 1926 and 1986 the venue track chosen rotated between Brooklands and Silverstone, then Aintree and Silverstone, and later Brands Hatch and Silverstone. Only from 1987 onwards to the present day did Silverstone become the established venue race track of the British Grand Prix.

Moss’ two British Grand Prix victories were both achieved at Aintree (1955 and 1957). The British Grand Prix races that Moss did compete at Silverstone he retired due to engine or axle trouble.

In contrast Clark won his first British Grand Prix victory at Aintree in 1962, and another one at Brands Hatch in 1964 but the other three victories were at Silverstone.

So one would have to give the win to Jim Clark on paper.

But some may argue yes, that’s all well and good but who was the fastest driver and who really was the better driver?

Here again the stats speak for themselves. The all time list of fastest laps set during their respective careers gives us some clue because the tracks they drove on were the same during their eras. Graham Hill is 34th on the all time fastest laps set with 10 fastest laps in the Grand Prix races he drove in a 17 year career (1958-1975). Stirling Moss is 15th on the all time fastest - one position above Ayrton Senna - where he set the fastest laps in 19 Grand Prix races in his 10 year career (1951-1961). Jim Clark is 7th on the all time fastest laps set by a Grand Prix driver. He recorded 28 fastest laps in Grand Prix races in his 8 year short racing career (1960-1968). Only Mansell, Vettel, Prost, Raikkonen, Hamilton and Schumacher as 1st stand ahead of him. What makes Clark’s achievement staggering is that he was competing in an era where technology was in the Bronze Age compared to the modern marvels of technology, aerodynamics, and speed. It’s also worth noting all the other drivers had much longer racing careers than Clark did before his untimely death. At the 1968 South African Grand Prix - his last before his death in Hockenheim ring in Germany 3 months later - Clark won way ahead of the pack led by Graham Hill who came in second. He was comfortably on his way to another world championship with more records to be smashed.

Clark still holds the record of eight Grand Slam race wins - that is winning pole position, putting in the fastest lap, and leading every lap of a race to the win.  Only Lewis Hamilton comes close with six and Schumacher and Ascari with five. He achieved this twice at the British Grand Prix in 1962 (Aintree) and 1964 (Brands Hatch). Again it needs to be emphasised that Clark did all this while driving in the most dangerous era of Formula One - The Killer Years - where death of drivers and lack of driver and track safety was all too common. This is simply astonishing.

Of the three, Jim Clark was the fastest. I think this isn’t just about stats it’s also the they way they drove that made all three such great racers. All three certainly had limitless courage that even now demands total respect and awe. In particular it’s breath taking watching old film footage of Moss driving his most famous and greatest victory of all was the 1955 Mille Miglia in which he covered 1,000 miles of open Italian roads at an average speed of 97.96mph in 10 hours, seven minutes and 48 seconds.

But the fastest doesn’t make you best of course.  When it comes to judging who was the best I think what their peers and contemporaries thought of them counts a lot in coming to some conclusions as to who was the best driver.

Sir Jackie Stewart, three times world champion and a team mate of Jim Clark as well as friends with all three drivers, is worth listening to.

Many think that Graham Hill wasn’t the most natural driver. This isn’t said to slight him or doubt his abilities but to acknowledge his approach to driving. As Jackie Stewart said, “Whereas Jimmy [Clark], Stirling, to a certain extent myself, would drive around a car’s handling problem, Graham would fiddle with the car until it was right. Graham would take very different lines around a corner to others, and I know because sometimes I was following him.”

Sir Stirling Moss has echoed Stewart’s comments. “I’d go along with Jackie and say that Graham didn’t have a natural ability to drive a car extremely quickly. But having said that, when I was to choose a partner for a sports car race at say, the Nürburgring, I would always choose Graham because he was so reliable. Quick, but unlikely to do anything stupid.”

Jackie Stewart’s comment unearth one of secrets of why not only was Jim Clark the fastest but also the best of the three. Simply put Clark knew how to take corners and know when to brake.

It must be stressed that both Moss and Clark knew how to take corners and mastered the art of breaking to a level very few drivers reached whatever car they were driving.

Moss was certainly a pioneer in taking corners and knowing when and when not to brake. Moss - especially at his peak in the Lotus - would cut into the corner early and with the brakes on.

Most drivers run deep into a corner before turning the wheel. In this way a driver could complete his braking in a straight line, as is the standard practice and one everyone did and still do, before setting the car up for the corner. But natural drivers like Moss (and Clark) preferred to cut into the corner early and even with their brakes still on to set up the car earlier. In this way such drivers almost make a false apex because they get the power on early and try to drift the car through the true apex and continue with this sliding until they are set up for the next bit of straight. In other words, the result is a smooth line as you come out of the turn and race on at faster and more seamless speed.

Clark would take this to the next evolutionary step from Moss - also in a Lotus - as cars became more mechanically challenging to handle. Clark placed a big premium on braking. In his book At the Wheel (1964) he expounded on this belief, "The most important thing you can learn in racing: how to brake. Often, if I want to go through a given corner quicker I don’t necessarily put the brakes on any later than usual, but I might not put them on very hard, and take them off earlier. Where you are led into the trap is leaving your braking too late and having to run deep into the corner and brake at the last moment, you might certainly arrive at the corner quicker, but there is a psychological tendency to brake much harder than you need to and therefore over-brake."

A good example of this is looking at footage of the 1965 French Grand Prix in Clermont-Ferrand where Jim Clark won from pole position and set the fastest lap around this new track that no one had driven on before (see below)

Fast forward to the 9 minute mark you will see all the top drivers of that era tackling a fast downhill left - unfortunately you don’t see Graham Hill, who had an off day and ended up 13th I think - but the point remains valid.

Jim Clark drives a Lotus in this 1965 French Grand Prix race and is bombing away from the rest of the pack as was his usual MO. The interesting thing to notice is the turn. Clark’s Lotus is 2-3 feet inside the painted white line as he turns into the corner. It’s really more of a smooth elegant sweep into the corner. Clark clearly turns in much more earlier with the brakes - as we now know - are lightly caressed. Clark smoothly glides through out of the turn as he disappears from view carrying crucial extra speed. Then the rest come and the difference is soon clear. Jackie Stewart’s BRM P261 car grazes the line and grappling with more understeer than he might have liked finds himself to the right of the dotted line when he comes out of the turn. The V8 Ferrari of the great John Surtees also grazes the line with a similar result. Dan Gurney’s Brabham BT11 car crosses the painted line and he pays for his aggressive stance by sitting cross the road’s dotted centre line. On this track at Clermont-Ferrand there were forty-eight corners in its five sinuous miles to perilously navigate and Clark using this MO had the nonchalant confidence and consistency as well as the driving artistry to increasingly pull ahead of the chasing pack to victory.

Analysing the Clark technique, Peter Collins (a former team manager at Team Lotus and Williams, and an avid Clark fan), who knows more about what makes great drivers than most, made a key observation, “His driving was incredibly fluid even in dramatic moments. Watching the first laps of various races you got a very strong impression that he was mentally more ahead of the car than was the opposition. Watching him leading at the ’Ring in 1967, for instance, the impressive thing was that there were no dead moments in transition from braking to turn-in, to throttle on. He was able to drive an understeering car in a four-wheel drift and judge the exits to perfection.”

Graham Hill, who was a good friend of Jim Clark’s as well as being a fiercely competitive rival on the track, knew better than most and so I shall let him have the final say on this. Hill in his penned eulogy to Jim Clark noted his mastery of taking the corner, “For a driver, the excitement of racing is controlling the car within very fine limits. It's a great big balancing act, motor racing. It's having the car broken away and drifting and doing exactly as you want it to do and getting around the corner as quickly as you can, and knowing that you've done it, and hoping that it is better than anyone else has done. You are aiming at perfection and never actually getting it. Now and then you say, "That's it. That's how I want to do that corner. Now beat that, you bastards." This is the essence of racing, and at this, Jimmy, in his era, was unsurpassed.”

A word must be said about the cars these drivers drove. Racing cars in that era were extremely fast but also extremely unreliable. One can only lament how many world championships Moss, Hill, and Clark would have won if not for some mechanical car failure that did cost them dearly. In the case of Clark, he agonisingly lost the world championships in 1962 and 1964 due to oil leaks in the final race both times.

Of the three Hill was the most technical, not surprising given that he started life with the Royal Navy as a technician specialist. When he was racing Hill took notes of every test, every practice, every race and how his car handled specific track conditions and setups. He was constantly on top of his mechanics with these early versions of telemetry and his expertise on engineering meant that the difference between mechanic and driver was nothing more than a grey area. According to some of the mechanics who worked with Hill, it was sometimes impossible to please him. Both Moss and Clark by contrast didn’t really bother with that side but rather they just jumped into the car and worked around the problems on the track relying on their natural flair and genius. That’s how brilliant they both were.

So how would Moss and Clark fare if they both had the same car and barring any technical issues. There are no certainties but they did both briefly overlap in their careers, as Moss was coming to the end of his and Clark was about to start his ascension. The race that most would point to is the 1961 South African Grand Prix. Stirling Moss was the undisputed world's best in 1961, pulling off some famous victories in inferior equipment, but Clark's performances at the end of the season showed that things were changing. Clark's Lotus Climax 21 car had beaten the slightly older Lotus Climax 18/21 model of Moss in the Natal Grand Prix earlier in the month, but the East London race stepped things up a notch. Clark was fastest in qualifying and started on pole position with Moss +0.2 seconds behind.

Both Clark and his Team Lotus team mate Trevor Taylor led the way at the start but but Moss was soon into second and took the lead when Clark spun avoiding another car. Now Clark charged, despite sustaining gearbox damage, lapping faster than his pole time, and Moss was powerless to stop him coming through to win."Moss pulled in behind Clark and tried to stay in his slipstream but could not keep up with Clark's fast and furious driving and fell slowly, but surely, behind," read Autosport's report. "Clark demonstrated that the world championship is no pipe-dream for him." Clark was a little more circumspect, though beating Moss was clearly a watershed: "I had the satisfaction of beating Stirling twice in two weeks, although, in all fairness, my car was newer than his," he wrote in his 1964 book, Jim Clark - At the wheel.

That Clark was being characteristically modest and magnanimous isn’t the main point to take away. The point is made by Colin Chapman the iconic genius behind Lotus who said of Clark, “when there was no mechanical trouble, Clark absolutely blew away the opposition. One prime example of that was the 1967 German Grand Prix when the Lotus was not an easy car to drive but still Clark got pole in it by a staggering 9 seconds. This also brought out another of Clark’s skills – to drive around problems. He was capable of driving a car with any given setup – he never asked to change the setup to make it to his liking, he went out on track and tried to make the car go faster by adjusting accordingly at corners, which was very easy for him as he had a very smooth driving style and it never looked like he was trying to muscle the car across the corners.”

Once Clark was in front he was almost unbeatable. No matter who you were or how good you were, Clark was quicker and relentless. It was almost game over once Clark took the lead and slowly pulled away from the rest. Graham Hill said in his eulogy to Jim Clark, “He was also particularly competitive, particularly aggressive, but he combined this with an extremely good sense of what not to do. One can be overthrusting—aggressive to the point of being dangerous. Well, this Jimmy was not. But he was a fighter, a fighter that you could never shake off. He invariably shot into the lead and killed off the others, building up a lead that sapped their will to win.”

This is one main reason with all things being equal, Clark would beat Moss and Moss would beat Hill. The really scary thing about Clark’s complete mastery of driving was what Colin Chapman said years later, "I think Jim never drove really 100% - he was so good, he didn’t need it to beat the others. Perhaps only in Monza 1967 he had the knife between his teeth...."

Moss is rightly celebrated as an icon of motor racing. Moss had a fantastic 15 year career on the track and just as importantly he had an even longer one off the track as the fantastic ambassador of Grand Prix racing. Moss lived to be 90 years old and he used that time to deservedly cement his legendary status as a Formula One great. He was a very charismatic and convivial personality. He is revered by contemporary drivers and racing fans because his presence was anywhere and everywhere. No racing event would be complete without the vintage stardust of the great Sir Stirling Moss. At Goodwood and at the RAC Club racing enthusiasts would mill around him and listen to his endless yarns. At race circuits during the Grand Prix season his presence in paddock would stop everything as racers and technical crew were in awe of him.

In contrast Jim Clark’s racing career was tragically cut short to a mere 8 years and yet he had achieved so much at the age of 32 years old. Arguably his death had the greater impact because it was more keenly felt by his peers and those within the racing world. So when he was killed by a puncture during the wet Formula 2 Deutschland Trophy race at Hockenheim on 7 April 1968, after his Lotus crashed into unforgiving trees by the side of the track, race drivers around the world felt death’s hand on their shoulder, and asked themselves, “If it can happen to Jim Clark, what chance do we have?”

The consequence of Clark’s death cannot be stressed enough. Clark’s death was the sacrificial blood price for the more modern era drivers to race with greater driver safety measures in place and safer tracks for spectators that these days we today take for granted. A lot of credit is due to Clark’s close friend and team mate, the great Sir Jackie Stewart, who at the risk of his own personal reputation, pushed hard for the racing world to take driver safety seriously. A lot of danger - and perhaps even the excitement - has been taken out as Moss used to say. But there is no question racing - whilst still relatively dangerous because of the higher speeds they are pushing for those micro margin of victories - is much safer than the dangerous era of Moss, Hill, and Clark.

So why isn’t he more well known or revered by the general public (as opposed to hard core racing fans and those within the racing world)? I suspect it was due to his shyness and aversion to publicity. Clark grew up on a Scottish farm and he was clear to many that this was his roots that he always returned to. While he couldn’t entirely avoid the glamour of the racing world with its hedonistic side effects of women, sex and fast cars - as personified by Graham Hill or James Hunt - Clark eschewed all that in favour of simple living on his Scottish farm. His only indulgence was an airplane that he used to piloted into race circuits in Europe - Hill could fly too and it cost him his life in 1975 in a tragic plane accident. Clark simply loved racing. The proud Scot was a gentleman with self-deprecating charm and modesty to match. He was simply a good and decent man revered by his own peers in his own time.

At Clark’s funeral, Jim Clark Snr, beloved father, confessed to Dan Gurney, a racing rival, that he was the only man his son had feared. Gurney, who died in January 2018, spoke of Clark thus: “It is certainly an honour to have had the opportunity to know him as a team-mate, a friend, and to have competed with him on so many memorable occasions. Jim whipped us so many times that we all sort of got used to it. Naturally, we didn’t like being whipped, but, it is probably a testimony to Jim’s integrity and stature among us, his peers, that we couldn’t help loving the lad in spite of it.”

Elizabeth ‘Widdy’ Cameron, whom Clark nearly married in 1960, and with whom he stayed close despite rising fame, said: “He was very shy. And he was a terrific gentleman. I didn't hear him say bad things about anybody. He was a good, good man and I hope everybody remembers that. He was very special.” Sir Jackie Stewart, the three time world champion and another great British driver, still sheds a tear when he’s asked about Jim Clark.  The two Scots were close friends, and three years earlier when Stewart had arrived in F1, he played the Robin role to Clark’s undisputed Batman. “Jim Clark,” he says still, “was everything I aspired to be, as a racing driver and as a man.” When Jim Clark this humble man as a product of his upbringing on a Scottish farm in the Scottish Borders insisted that inscribed on his tomb stone would be, ‘farmer and world champion’.

Of course I never saw Moss, Hill and Clark race but I’m definitely in the camp that considers Jim Clark as not only the greatest British driver of all time but also arguably the best driver in the world of all time alongside that other most naturally gifted racer, Ayrton Senna. There’s not much to differentiate their greatness and genius.

It’s fitting that the final judgement of who was the best driver of the three should rest with their peers and contemporaries. Juan Manuel Fangio, the Argentine great is one of my favourite racers and one who is also considered one of the greatest of all time, said this about Clark in 1995: "He was better than I was - the greatest driver ever." Even the great Ayrton Senna when he went to Clark’s old Scottish boarding school, Loretto, confessed to the schoolboys, "After all - Jim Clark was the greatest driver ever."

The wonderful thing about arguing about who is the best with British icons like Moss, Hill, and Clark as examples is how the past can inspire the present generation of drivers to aspire to greater heights than the peers of the past. Who knows perhaps one day we will be talking about Lewis Hamilton or Max Verstappen in the same hushed tones of reverence and awe. Then as racing fans we should count our blessings that we can witness their special racing artistry on the track first hand while we can in the same way past generations were in awe of such special talents as Moss, Hill, and Clark.

Thanks for your question.

[jalebi-weds-bluetooth]

There’s More to Her #4

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Birds of Feather

A cup of tea could bridge distances, build friendships and arrange marriages. Khushi hoped for all of those to happen over the cup of tea she shared with Akash.

"I am sorry," Akash was startled, that was the last thing he expected from Khushi, "I know how my sister is and instead of helping you I misguided you to this filmy plan." Akash shook his head, it was not her fault.

Especially when Payal had refused his first proposal. Her fears and reasons had been valid and he made no attempts to confront the situation. In fact, if Payal had not told him about what happened on the night of her wedding, he would not have known.

"I wouldn't push Bhai to know the truth." Akash confessed.

"Even back then, during your stint at office, everything you faced - scheming coworkers, false media, mundane tasks, humiliation - they have been a part of Bhai's life for years before he became the Arnav Singh Raizada. So I thought Bhai knew what he was doing. I just didn't know that in this process he'll hurt you... and Payal ji." he said.

It was a good thing Khushi loved Payal as much as Akash loved Arnav. For anyone else, Akash would seem like a weak man with a terrible excuse. Khushi could not accuse Akash of illogical reasoning when she often had little wisdom in hers.

"But everyone has a family. The same amount of self respect and personal life, irrespective of their monetary status." One stormy night she had flung these words to Arnav, today she simply shared her thoughts with Akash.

"So you must try to understand her, to see if you can bring the change you need to bring her in your life." Khushi proposed.

"Change? But... Payal does not want to marry me." Akash asked. Khushi rolled her eyes, why were men so difficult? Either too persistent or too reluctant.

"Akash ji, do you not love my sister?" Akash stood up and glared at Khushi's accusation. Khushi, too used to glares, only smiled at his anger. Sometimes anger answered the most difficult questions.

"Good, so would you not make a single effort to make your home a more loving environment when it is literally the only thing coming between you and her?" As much as gusto Akash had in standing up to declare his love for Payal, he did not have the same sentiment while going back to his chair.

"Once upon a time, a cat burned its tongue on hot milk and gave up on drinking milk," Khushi narrated, heedless to Akash's frown, "And here my sister's pride, self respect and dignity got burned to ashes."

She took her own moment to look at him right in the eye, "It's natural that she wants - no - she deserves a good man to love her and a set of in-laws to not measure her with her wealth or family name." Akash looked away. He heard what Khushi had not said. His mother's treatment of Payal was fresh in their minds.

"I am so sorry her marriage broke, because of my brother."

"I am not. It was a blessing in disguise."

---

"If you think I am remotely thankful for your interference in breaking my awful marriage, let me tell you that gratitude is the last emotion I have for you." Payal clarified as she placed a bottle of mineral water on the dusty table. Arnav acknowledged her sentiment with a nod.

He sat, after dusting the chair with his kerchief, by Happy's garage while Payal chose to remain standing. He barely touched the teacups and jugs of water. It said enough about what his choice of drink would be.

"Pay-"

"Let's get a few things straight." Payal interrupted, choosing to ignore Arnav's round eyes and flaring nostrils. Just as expected, the man was not used to interruption. It was always a good time to start a habit.

"It's about Khushi." The effect was instant. Arnav softened. His eyes grew warm, but he schooled his expression the moment Payal noted the change. He continued with the jaw clenching.

"My sister, truly, does not know the ways of the world. She is childish, an unreliable narrator, self sacrificing and believes in goodness far too much for her own good." Payal began, "But I know that even if people are flawed, they cannot be excused for their actions."

Arnav looked away. He knew what Payal meant, he only wished he could disagree with her but he couldn't. He shared an equally harsh judgement of the world.

"So I lie to her when it's necessary. That I'm fine. I'm not in love. Akash does not mean the world to me. I don't want to marry him." Here Payal's resolve broke. Her words quivered as Arnav looked at her, taken aback by how struck she was. She did love Akash.

"That Abhishek did not arrive at the wedding and knew about the dowry," Payal fisted her hands, the tears spilling down her cheeks.

"He was not a bad man. He had no idea. He was appalled, shocked. He was still in love with me. He did nothing."

"Then what went wrong." Arnav asked.

"That he did nothing." Payal wiped a tear.

That night Abhishek had arrived, her hopes soared but his smiles dimmed as his mother heaped one demand after the other in front of a hassled Shashi Gupta. She clung to the window, wishing to catch his eye.

His hands trembling as the dreams that he and Payal had built be torn apart, brick by brick. Apart from a feeble plead to stop his parents he stood rooted to his ground.

Payal's hope died along with her dignity as she watched her mother and father beg Abhishek to say something in the matter. He said nothing, except holding tears in his eyes as his family dragged him away post their demands were unmet.

"Khushi would have seen his tears and told me to understand that he had no option. That I should be with him." Arnav scoffed, it was typical Khushi to believe in the romantic love that did not exist.

"-kya kare," Payal continued, "she only sees the best in the worst of people." Arnav swallowed, guilt overshadowing his thoughts. That summarised their relationship in more ways than one.

"But I saw the silence. The silence which would remain if his family pressurised mine for more dowry even after our marriage. If they mistreated me. If they..." Payal sighed, suddenly weary. She grabbed a chair and sat down, her heart breaking all over again.

"And I'm afraid I see the same silence in Akash-"

"Payal, Akash would defend against everybody-" Arnav interrupted, enraged that she would compare the spineless Abhishek to his noble brother.

"-except his family." Payal pointed out.

"You are forgetting we are the Raizadas, we would never do that." Arnav bit back on his anger.

"Except call a woman a 'bloody leg'."

"That's just Mami, and we all despise the nicknames she has given to you and Khushi."

"Oh, that's why you all did nothing about it?" Payal retorted.

"Payal, I-" Arnav was lost for words.

"She gave me that name because my foot was bleeding in front of her. Imagine if anyone of us nicknamed Anjali ji because of her handicap-"

"That's enough! You have got your point across." Arnav thumped his fist on the table. Payal apologised. She did not mean to cross the line but it felt like none of the Raizadas understood her point until they were in her shoes. And clearly, she wore uncomfortable shoes.

They were quiet for a moment. Arnav balled his fists, willing to calm down for the sake of his cousin. Payal regarded his effort.

"I didn't mean to drag Anjali ji in all of this. I know you're protective about her," Payal smiled as Arnav finally relented, "I know, I understand. Often, we are more afraid for our sisters. We don't want them to be hurt, nor want their views of the world to change. We want to face all the troubles for them." And in that Arnav knew he wouldn't be forgiven for his actions.

Because he wouldn't have forgiven anyone if they had behaved half of what he was to Khushi to Anjali. He hated to be accountable to someone who demanded answers for his actions. Any explanation of his deeds would only expose his vulnerability and he was not willing to make that sacrifice.

Fortunately, Payal did not delve into the topic. Instead, she considered his silence and leaned back into her chair to take a sip of her cup of masala tea.

"You know Arnav ji, until the day of my wedding I had certain perimeters of getting hurt. If Abhishek adheres to his family rules of women not working in his family, it's manageable. If a man eve teases me, a glare is enough - nothing more. But now, things have changed." She shared.

"Now, disrespect is disrespect. Be it measuring me for my dowry, or calling me a bloody leg." She stopped him from interrupting her.

"There can be varying degrees for everything. Not for insult. I have learned this the hard way. And when a person changes due to tragedy, to finally find safety, then trust me - the person hates the first thing who threatens that peace." Payal spoke more to herself, and Arnav feared she had delved into his mind instead of hers.

"He is quiet because he respects his family. But trust me, if it is beyond a certain point he will defend you. He was upset with Di today - no I'm not telling you to change your opinion - but you should know. You're right. Akash is silent, but if he were in Abhishek's shoes - he wouldn't have left you at the altar." Payal tried to refuse the hope that bloomed in her heart.

What if it was the adrenaline that pushed Akash to act the way she wanted?

"You cannot avoid change." Arnav advised, measuring his words with caution, "You can teach each other. Akash can show resilience and diplomacy, you can give him strength and the ability to be straight forward." Payal clenched her dupatta. His words were too good to be true.

Arnav stood up, fisting his hands in his pockets.

"Don't be afraid. You'll be surprised by yourself. When you are with her, you'll remember the good things that you had forgotten - like laughing - or learn new skills that you need - like learning to apologize. She might teach you to be compassionate and generous, you might teach her to tackle judgements and make new friends. You'll feel unsettled because it's new territory, but it will bring out the best and the worst in you. It's a partnership for a reason." He murmured.

Payal looked at him in disbelief. Khushi had been right, people were rarely what they seem in their first impressions. It forced her to reflect on her decision about Akash. No part of her thought about the chance if they attempted to make a difference, together.

Either they were compatible, or they were not. Yet, love was never supposed to be dealt in absolutes.

Arnav looked at the Gupta's courtyard. One of Khushi's dupatta was fluttering in the evening wind. It was the white and pink one she wore on Teej. There was still a faint stain of sindoor. She never seemed to have worn that outfit again.

"You really love her." Arnav turned in a flash and colored violently at Payal's observation. A sharp refusal formed on his lips but he was tongue tied. His throat dried and words clogged up. He wanted to deny it, but he couldn't. He wanted to accept but he wouldn't.

Payal smiled, stood up and walked up to him, "It shows on your face."

What? Arnav only stared, his worst fears and biggest dream coming true at once.

"That you love Lavanya," The glimmer faded from his eyes.

Payal did not wait to see his reaction and turned around to get herself another cup of tea.

It was an unfortunate moment because it was the only time anyone would have seen Arnav's truest, raw feelings. His face had drained all color. He walked back to his chair, his knees buckled as he slumped into the seat.

"Arnav ji, oh my God are you alright?" Payal and Happy surrounded him.

"Nothing, diabetes. Low sugar..." He lied. Heartache hurt more.

"Oh no, Happy ji, can you please get a jalebi-"

"No!" Arnav protested. Not a jalebi, not now. He turned to look at Happy, "Ha-hha-" why was his name happy?

"Ok I'll get something from home. Khushi had cooked something-"

"No!" Arnav objected, Payal and Happy frowned at him.

"Bua ji." Payal nodded. Right, it would be difficult to explain a plateful of food and between all the 'Hai Re Nandkishores' Arnav might as well end up in hospital.

"Payal didi, I'll go and get some kachoris," Happy paused, remembering the man he was getting the said kachoris for wore a suit that would cost a car or two of his garage.

"It's fine. I like kachoris Ha-ha... humein kachori pasand hai." Arnav rested his hand on his head. Shit. Humein? What the fuck?

"We can speak later, if you wish to go home-" Payal offered but Arnav refused. Happy arrived at the precise moment with two plates of kachoris and declined the money from Payal and Arnav.

"Thank you so much Happy ji, Khushi has kept a bowl of gajar ka halwa for you too." Payal smiled, touched by Happy's gesture of an extra plate of kachoris for her.

"Thanks Hah-hari." Smooth Arnav, smooth.

Payal kept her kachori aside and pointed out, "It's Happy, not Hari." For the first time in the day Arnav reconsidered the decision of bringing Payal as his sister in law.

"Yes, I meant thank you for the hari chutney. Thanks." Payal and Happy looked at each other and at him. Two thank yous? From Arnav Singh Raizada?

"It's my favorite. Because it's not sweet." For some reason Arnav thought he owed an explanation. Thankfully they bought it. Good, the attention on him was diverted.

Arnav checked out the kachori and asked Payal, "Is there a fork and knife?"

Happy dropped his gear in shock.

---

"Kachori!" Khushi exclaimed as a peon served her and Akash some snacks. For the past hour Khushi told the details of Payal's life. The death of her mother at her birth, followed by her acceptance of Khushi and the sudden role as the eldest child of the family. The wedding, the relocation and the stagnation of life as one of the girls had to stay home with Bua ji.

The hour had not been kind to Akash as he found himself falling further in love with Payal. Her refusal made complete sense and his proposal now made no sense. A woman like Payal was worth nurturing, treasuring and cherishing. Good things took time and he now wondered why he hadn't thought before of discussing with his entire family about the situation.

True, his mother would hate it - but that was a reality he had to face today or tomorrow. Escapism would not help.

He took a deep sigh and folded a napkin over his lap. Khushi tucked into the meal with gusto and Akash hid a small chuckle. She was true to her name, happiness.

He had completely planned to nurse a drink by the end of the day and declare celibacy the next day. A plate of hot kachoris, a new friend and a determination for the future was not in his mind.

"I'll order more-"

"Oh no Akash ji, these five are more than enough. Actually I haven't eaten since afternoon because of my 'great' plan hence the first kachori went down in ten seconds!" Khushi gushed, slowing down her chomping.

"Please don't be shy, we also didn't eat anything much since afternoon because-"

"What? Arnav ji didn't eat lunch?" The last time he had done that he had fallen straight on the floor, with her stuffing a jalebi into his mouth. Oh dear, Khushi, you and your stupid plans! Arnav must have been thinking about it - he was right, the plan was not intended to work. Why didn't she-

"No, of course Bhai ate. I didn't." If Akash was confused by Khushi's comment, he had the decency not to show it. Khushi rapidly shifted from concern, to relief, to embarrassment.

"Please eat as much as you want. If you want to order, feel free, think of this like your own property." Khushi smiled and paused to remember that this was indeed their property. Akash joined in her giggle and they enjoyed their brief supper.

"So obviously what I told you is Jiji's life history, but what I need to know is that you will make the changes because the changes are necessary irrespective of Jiji coming to your life or not." Khushi explained. Akash frowned, unable to understand her comment.

"I know, I am no one to say what's wrong or right, but still Mami ji should be a little more compassionate towards those who are not rich. Anjali ji shouldn't use a person's weakness against themselves. Your house should be a welcoming atmosphere for anyone - not just Jiji." Khushi explained.

"A change made for a person does not last long. A change made for the better exceeds lifetimes. Mami ji should not have to pretend or be pressured into accepting this relationship - okay, I know a little force will be there, but in the end if she has resentment for Jiji then it will become tough for both of them." Akash nodded, he was getting a hang of what she was saying.

"I know I'm focusing on your mother a lot. But if you were both to be married, and if Jiji chooses to be at home for the first few weeks, then she'll largely spend that time with Mami ji. A woman like my Jiji would want to get approval, but this effort would put a strain on your marriage life. I know that I'm thinking too far, but marriage, for me, is a one time event. So you need to think far right?" Khushi asked.

She twisted the ring on her finger. Love and marriage were a one time event. What would happen if it happened with different people? There was no escaping Shyam, and after marriage she would be bound to him for seven lifetimes, whether she liked it or not.

"Take time Akash ji, give time as well. Talk to Jiji over the weeks. Plan together, make sure you both want the same things from life. Life does not give everyone the chance to marry someone they love." Khushi looked at Arnav's cabin, it was opposite Akash's and it was empty.

Now there was a frosted glass barrier that halved the length of the windows. Good, she never understood why there were full length windows that opened to the floor from his office in the first place. Anyone could fall off, even he.

It was no surprise that the frosted glass was red. The whole office was themed white and red. He liked red, she somehow knew it before Lavanya told her. On the bottom there was a studio setup, similar to the one where she had worn the red saree.

He saw her. No, he - color suffused her cheeks. Strange, she had never seen those calendar photographs anywhere. She wanted to see how she looked. She knew she was different that night.

"Khushi?"

"Ji Ar-Akash ji." Khushi smiled, her brightest one.

"Thank you." Akash said. Khushi had no business to come up to him and give him a genuine way to be able enough to marry Payal. So far he had been advised to note Payal and bring changes in her, but this was the first time he learnt to bring changes in himself and his surroundings.

"No, thank you for listening to Jiji's no. It's my belief that you will listen to her, told me that you will be there for her when she needs to be heard." Khushi let out a deep sigh. Sometimes it was so difficult to find the one person who would listen to her.

Several would argue that her fiance was the one. But in Shyam she thought she found a friend. A friend whom she could confide her daily stress to without any repercussions. Little did she know that it would misguide her family into thinking something else.

But Akash was different. He listened to her with blind faith about Payal - whether she was narrating the suicide plan over the phone or talking about bringing positive change irrespective of Payal's decision to be in his life. His love for her neither clouded his judgement nor sensibilities.

Somehow, his love never translated for possessiveness. And the less that could be said about Shyam, the better.

"Because Khushi ji you are also like that. When you make a mistake, you try to amend it. When you don't know something, you try to learn it as much as you can." Akash brought her out of her thoughts.

"Don't change Khushi ji, and thank you for trusting me. Payal ji is worth all the effort. You are right, I will try to bring positive change in my family, even in Maa." Akash concluded.

"Exactly," Khushi was never more grateful to be out of her head, "Because your family will always want your happiness. Even if your version of happiness is different from theirs." Akash agreed with her and offered to drop her home.

---

Akash and Khushi chatted like old friends on her way back home. From their shared love of potatoes to their distaste of five star hotels overpricing basic beverages like tea.

"Exactly. And imagine this, I have five minutes to go to a meeting and you serve me tea which I have to make on my own - what's the benefit of spending over two hundred rupees for a tea then?" Akash complained.

"Hey Devi Maiya, two hundred rupees! I got my side bag for that in Sarojini Market." Khushi grumbled. Akash took a quick look at the bag where the zipper was not aligned.

"That's faulty, you shouldn't have paid a paisa above one twenty. I know fabric, this did not even cost much." Akash commented. Khushi's eyes turned round like saucers and she huffed.

"I knew it, I knew it. That shopkeeper's smile told me that he knew he was robbing me of eighty rupees. Chor!" Akash, a bargainer and appreciator of true fabric in his heart, could not agree more.

"Eighty rupees, enough to buy one of those golden diyas from the Lakshmi Nagar market." He murmured, remembering the way Payal had sweetly rejected his gift. And he ended up giving it again to her, in his proposal. Now he saw it, saw the conversation that needed to happen before he could go around buying things for her.

He had it right, the day he had helped her buy vegetables. Where he had given her space to buy hers, and added a small of his - a bag of potatoes.

Khushi allowed Akash to lose himself in his thoughts. Tears stung her eyes. She could see it, a happy future for her sister. This was a man who would value her sister. It was foolish to think everything would work out but in one corner of her heart, Devi Maiya told her that Payal found her Rajkumar and Akash found his Dream Girl.

This love story would come true, at their own pace and time.

Brushing back her tears, she thanked Akash once more and stepped out of the car to come face to face with Payal and Arnav. They all mirrored their shock.

"Arnav ji, aap?"

"Tum?"

"Aap?"

"Payal ji, aap?"

"Arrey Akash bhaiya, aap?!" This was definitely not Payal. It was Happy - Arnav's current bane of existence.

"How are you, actually how is your car? Does it need repair again! You should file a case against Michelin tires, they shouldn't get punctured seven times a month!" Happy yelled from his garage. Three pairs of eyes stared at Akash.

Seven times puncture? What the fu-

Hey Devi Maiya, he punctured the expensive tires-

Wait, he actually did that for me-

It was not a surprise who thought what. Akash turned a bright red, enough to rival the setting sun. And then there was a small choke-chortle. Arnav turned a similar shade of red, his lips pressed tight against his body's revolution of releasing a laugh. Khushi and Payal were in shock.

"Arrey Akash bhaiya, do you need to buy more potatoes?" Jairam, the local vegetable vendor waved at Akash. And at that moment all four of them burst into peals of laughter.

---

Next Chapter

A/N: I hope you liked this update - please share your thoughts and comments. My chapters go by scene ideas and less by word count so the chapter length varies from update to update. Thank you for every like, comment - it means a lot.

Also, please make sure you are staying home, safe, healthy and responsible during this time.

Love,

S Read it on: Wattpad

[phoebtcnkin]

ABOUT ME.

NAME/ALIAS: Kayla / Satan 

TIMEZONE: PST (for now, but don’t ask me where we’re moving next LOL)

RANDOM FACT: I was adopted when I was three, am 11wks pregnant with our newest and long awaited wee one, and shamefully have over 10,000 likes on this blog with zero chance of ever fully clearing them out lmfao

CHARACTER ONE.

NAME: Lauren “Ren” Victoria Livingston (29)

FACECLAIM: Phoebe Tonkin, my queen.

in COCONUT GROVE you’ll find LAUREN LIVINGSTON who’s lived there for FOUR YEARS and they spend their days working as THE MANAGER OF NATALIA ESCABIAS LUXURY SPA AND A FREELANCE WRITER. They’ve been described as ROUGE STAINED MARLBOROS STUBBED OUT IN ANTIQUE CAVIAR BOWLS, POSTCARDS SENT FROM PLACES SHE’S NEVER BEEN, CHAMPAGNE IN SOLO CUPS, AND UNMET DEADLINES by the people that know them. Which makes sense when you consider that they can be ENGAGING + ADVENTUROUS but also IRRESPONSIBLE + IN DENIAL  

BACKGROUND.

grew up with a single mom who could never weave the same story twice about the origins and subsequent disappearance of her father.

lived on the cusp of wealth but didn’t actually have it… her mother, jane, was presumably from old money, but either the family lost it ages ago or she’d been cut off for reasons unknown.

they were ‘adopted’ by an older wealthy couple without children of their own when ren’s mother was pregnant with her aka given permission to live out of the guesthouse on their property for basically free

went all over when she was younger to “soul search” and sort out her life. basically just bummed around with a bunch of other barely legal adults who ate gas station food and drank expensive champagne and just a whole bunch of other nonsense

is approaching that age / stage of life where she’s meant to have her shit together but really doesn’t.

is still spending her money and maxing out credit cards on stupid things she can’t afford and doesn’t need. skips rent to go to fancy clubs. probably abuses something bc she can and she’s #lostandbroke inside

claims she’s an aspiring writer, and she’s trying she really is (sometimes), but doesn’t have anything to show for it if ppl asked

basically put together and #fine on the outside but a disaster on the inside

HEADCANONS.

HOMETOWN: Newport, Rhode Island

BIRTHDAY: tbd

NICKNAMES: almost exclusively goes by ‘Ren’, but a small few may call her L.V.

ORIENTATION: bisexual

MUSE SONGS: Girls Like You by The Naked and Famous, rock bottom by Caro, tba

CHARACTER TAG: can be found here.

PINTEREST BOARD: can be found here.

on any given day the only things you’re likely to find inside of ren’s fridge are a bottle of something alcoholic, a gel eye mask, and one of many credit cards frozen in the freezer.

in a similar vein, her oven is absolutely full of half clothes, half books.

is literally always on the verge of eviction bc, as mentioned above, she prioritizes p. much anything over responsibilities.

will 1000% justify buying five pairs of shoes she can’t afford bc she got them at a sample sale for the price of one at full retail

once upon a time she excused bad habits and terrible choices under the premise that they were hands on experience for the sake of her writing... except all these years later she’s still on her bullshit and hasn’t written anything of quality in ???

can’t be trusted to keep a pet rock alive let alone anything else

has never, not once, been able to say no to anything made of silk or velvet

WANTED CONNECTIONS.

this is already crazy long so i’m going to be making a sep. post for these and will add the link as soon as it’s finished, but you can expect to see things like: neighbors, coworkers, friends she’s met since moving to miami, the people she hung around during her years of travel and shenanigans, messy exes, drug dealer, former (kinda) sugar daddy lmfao, secret family, etc.

CHARACTER TWO.

NAME: 👑 Alicia Josefine Palmeiro (30)

FACECLAIM: Ana de Armas

in CORAL GABLES, you’ll find ALICIA PALMEIRO who’s lived there for ONE WEEK and they spend their days working as A (CURRENTLY UNEMPLOYED) LAWYER. They’ve been described as SHARP GLANCES, RUNNING IN HEELS, AND THE SCENT OF ACRYLIC PAINT FAINTLY LINGERING BENEATH ARMANI PERFUME by the people that know them. Which makes sense when you consider that they can be ELOQUENT + AMBITIOUS but also MATERIALISTIC + INDIFFERENT.

BACKGROUND.

comes from one of those richer than god families that have a library named after them somewhere and flaunt it. grandfather was the former governor of NC and her father is the current state attorney there

basically grew up with anything she wanted under the sun aside from attention and love. she was more of a business/brand investment than a beloved child in their eyes. rafael and gabriella (true monsters, lemme tell u) had her entire life mapped out and signed in blood before she was even conceived.

thought it would be really fun once to get a boyfriend in HS and hasn’t been able to get rid of him since. pls don’t call the cops if she threatens to light jaxon on fire bc she’s not serious. except for the one time she prob almost did.

speaking of things she almost did... she almost ran away with him after hs graduation in the pursuit of true love and following her dreams

daddy blackmailed jax into leaving her without a word, though. he listened (with good reason). instead of being happy and painting to pay rent, ali sucked up her tears before her mascara could run and went off to duke.... u guessed it.... exactly as her parents planned.

years later ran into jax again and they had an affair while she was engaged to another man. it ultimately led to their birth of their now 1.5 year old son

wyatt is probably the only thing she cares about more in this world than birkin bags and lingerie and shoes. on wednesdays she’ll let jaxon grace the list, but only if he leaves his muddy boots and potato chips at the door.

they’ve just moved to miami in a panic bc she found evidence against her father that proved they weren’t safe around him anymore (can share deets, but it’s chalk full of triggers so i won’t add it here)

HEADCANONS.

HOMETOWN: Wilmington, North Carolina

BIRTHDAY: August 16th, 1989

NICKNAMES: Ali, Princess, Queen Alicia P.

ORIENTATION: attention and diamonds (no but really she heterosexual)

PERMANENT PAIN IN THE ASS: Jaxon Martins

CHILDREN: Wyatt Martins, 1.5 years

MUSE SONGS: Me Too by Meghan Trainor, tba

CHARACTER TAG: can be found here.

PINTEREST BOARD: can be found here.

currently living in the penthouse suite at the biltmore hotel while they house shop for a mini mansion up to ali’s standards

is the stomping parrot when jax refuses to give her the attention she wants. or when she’s giving him the silent treatment but wants him to know she’s still mad.

thinks $20 t-shirts are just the result of misprinted tickets.

might cry if you try to take her inside of a dollar store or walmart.

couldn’t cook a meal to save her life and will absolutely get something catered and then take the credit when you tell her how delish it is.

has extreme trouble expressing her verbal emotions, so her displays of affection typically manifest in the form of gifts. ali will secretly obsess for weeks over finding the perfect present to fit the recipient 

not saying she’d throw u in front of a bus but…. if she doesn’t like u she prob wouldn’t hold out a hand to save you either.

is actually a warmhearted arsenic laced cupcake with a painter’s soul beneath her icy shield and devil blood. she does care. stg. mommy and daddy just never taught her how to show it.

WANTED CONNECTIONS.

just like before, i’m going to be making a sep. post for these and add the link as soon as it’s finished, but you can expect to see things like: neighbors, family local to the area (depending on from which side, would also need to be discussed with @fcntastical​), new friends, artsy friends she can be herself around, mom friends (gimme a real housewives of miami club pls), people connected to her father and all his maniacal ways, fr/enemies, etc.

[imagineclaireandjamie]

Your eyes do not deceive you! Two HRH updates in one week. 💜

Previously:

Part I: The Crown Equerry | Part II: An Accidental Queen | Part III: Just Claire | Part IV: Foal | Part V: A Deal | Part VI: Vibrations | Part VII: Magnolias| Part VIII: Schoolmates | Part IX: A Queen’s Speech | Part X: Rare | Part XI: Watched | Part XII: A Day’s Anticipation

Her Royal Highness (H.R.H.) Part XII: The Location

James Fraser was certain of only a handful of things.  

First, he wanted his life, from here on out, to be separated into two constituent parts.

Before Claire.  

And Claire.

Second, he may never be able to give her his name or walk her across the threshold of his ancestral home, but he would lay down his life for her.

Third, nothing was more beautiful to him than this woman.  (The way she bent at the waist, her foot popping and suspending mid-air as she gathered fistfuls of clover.  The cadence of her voice as she fed the clover to Thistle, their pace slow and her body melting towards the horse.)

Fourth, he wanted to make love to her, the love of his life, somewhere other than the lawn beside the palace or in the stables.

And it was a problem.

They had been kissing.  

Full-mouthed kisses with Claire’s back pressed against a tree, bits of bark catching her hair.  The absurdity of it all (the juxtaposition between their setting the night before and in the moment) made her quiver with laughter against his mouth and under his hands.  Though, her laughter faded as he touched her breasts for the first time, hands slipping beneath her sweater to find them bare and her nipples hard. Their respective noises melded together with the sounds of the city that surrounded them –– the quiet moans slipping from her and the sighed, blasphemous mumblings that became reflexive.

Mouth twisted into a smile (swollen and glistening from his own mouth), Claire broke the kiss (gasping for air) reached for his belt. (Her greedy hands, with minds of their own, separated from her body and acting of their own accord.  She was outside of her own body, watching from a mile overhead and encouraging her every movement.)  For her part, Claire had never known want to exist in the form of a need.  Jamie was seared into her veins, the grey matter of her brain, the arches and whorls of her fingerprints. The need burned in her to touch him, to see all of him, to offer him the same in return.  

She had never known with naked certainty that her offer (her body, the quiet simplicity of just giving herself) would be accepted.

And the knowledge of it spurred her on.  

To her, James Alexander Malcolm MacKenzie Fraser was oxygen and sunlight, rain, and sun-warmed soil.  

Her sigh.  The sureness with which her fingers took hold of the metal buckle, the tail of his belt.  Her pupils dilated and lower lip wet again and again by her tongue.

For a moment, Jamie watched her small fingers work the leather free, but the blistering moment came to an abrupt stop as he realized the reality of their present situation.  

The what.  The where.  The how.

When he reached down towards her, she received a message other than what he was sending. Rather than drawing the moment to a close, boldness exploded in her marrow.  He would take care of his own.  She reached to undo her pants, got so far as to draw down the zipper, to feel the brush of the nude underpants against her knuckles.. He faced the greatest test imaginable of his resolve: the bow of her hips towards him as she popped the button free, the radiating heat of her sourcing and arched into the aching tent of his arousal, the echoing demand for more more more that made her breath hitch.

“Stop,” he said plainly through gritted teeth, catching her wrists.

“I need you,” she responded in protest.

“Not here.”

The infuriating, bloody Scot.

Claire’s eyes were wild, fiery when she gave her direction plain as day. “Then take me back to the stables.”

Jamie shook his head again, thumbs learning the rhythm and tempo of her pulse.

Again, the insufferable man.

Their mutual need had hung between them unsaid for weeks.  

Well before the night before when he had followed her to that room and kissed her senseless.  

Long before this evening with their flirtation and fistfuls of clover and late-night conversations that let them peel one another back layer by layer. (The cabin he inherited when his father passed away.  How how he skipped stones in the moss-colored tributary just down the hill and through the woods from the cabin’s bayonet-battered front door. How they first learned to ride.  The first time she had ridden Brimstone.  The way he had made Donas his special project after a war they never discussed.)

Those moments all built to something.  The need that took root without her knowing, growing, its branches growing branches and reaching for sun.  And now she wanted to collect on the promise of it, to shed together the burden of their unmet desire. His unspoken reticence was jarring.

“Is it me?  You don’t want…? Or you haven’t before…?”  The trail in her voice tugged something in the centerline of his heart and then again longitudinally.  It was as though his very heart was being separated into its chambers, drawn and quartered for her.  It was the first hesitation, questioning of them.  And it was too much.  He drew her hand to his mouth, kissed the warm, smooth heel of it.

“Oh, Claire,” he slurred, mind still only half made up not to take her then, there, against the tree.  “It’s none of that.”

An entire book of lamentations could be composed to detail the sorrow he felt at the prospect of parting from her for the night. The need of her would dilate every blood vessel in his body, leaving him with an unfathomable emptiness.  It would be met only by furiously jerking himself to a groaned, not even moderately satisfying completion in his shower, slicked with shampoo.  And it wouldn’t be enough, he would regret this moment.  Saying “no.”

She landed a kiss on the corner of his mouth, narrowly missing his lips.  The soft, wet dart of her tongue along the corner of his lips was so erotic that he had to close his eyes, concentrate on drawing himself away.  As gently as possible, he drew her wrists up and between them, let them hover where neither could feel the other’s heartbeat (a tell-tale sign that they would fall together, never again to rise, despite his stated intentions).

“I willna make love to ye there… in the stables... rutting ye like some sort of… horse.”

Make love.  Two words (low, like a secret to keep in the mind and not the body).

Joined together, those two words were like a trickle of ice water down her spine.  Not to quell her arousal, but to make apparent his precise intentions with her.

“Christ, I want ye now, Claire.  Ye must ken that I’ve spent many nights wondering if I could ever have ye in my bed. If ye’d ever see me that way.  I cannae give ye what ye deserve, but I willna give ye less than everything I have.”

Claire whispered his name then (the one given by his mother well before “Jamie” was a word that would turn his head), and he released the gentle cage of his thumb and forefinger on her wrist.  Hands scrabbled.  Hers to his face.  His to her waist. Her thumb and forefinger worked a sure path along his chin and jawline.  With no pretense, she said, “I have no clue what I deserve.  I suspect that what I deserve is very little, especially from you.  I just need you. I would not take anything other than you, ever.  Just… you.  So, please. Take what I can give you.”

His Adam’s apple bobbed in the long line of his throat, his teeth finding the soft, full pad of her thumb. He bit down lightly, flicked his tongue over the place where teeth sank into the flesh.  “Let me put it selfishly, then, for ye, Claire.”

His breath was warm, uneven on her damp thumb. Existing on the edge of a sigh, she urged him on. “Go on then.”

“Selfishly? I intend to take my time wi’ ye.  Undress ye, let my eyes discover ye.  Every inch of ye.”  

His glance down her clothed form was perhaps the most sexually charged thing that she had known in her life until that moment.  The mere introduction of his hands to her hips and his fingers sinking into the swell of her buttocks were an accelerant sprayed onto an already aggressive burn.

It was like the first touch of a lover, the process of learning how the shape of his fingertips felt like here or there.

Foreplay.

“And then?”  The breathless syllables were small, hardly her own.  

He ran one hand from her hip, up her side, over her ribcage. He hesitated only a moment (to lick his lips, orient himself to the moment) before taking a single breast into his hand.  “And then, I’ll work ye into a frenzy, tasting ye everywhere. I want ye to need me, Claire.  To be blind with it.  To beg for more.  And then it’ll be time.”

His cock was about to snap clean off body at the way she looked down between them, studied where her hands had gone to rest at his hips. She licked her lips, making them a glistening cherry color that threatened to drive him unapologetically, irrevocably mad.  

He ached at the prospect of walking away from her, the thrilling way that she threatened to draw him in.  

Soft.  Warm.  Arms. Thighs.  The very core of her.  

“This––”

––hand leaving her breast to gesture between them, hand sculpting air––

“––willna be in the stables, where anyone could stumble upon us.”

The quirk of a smile.  Hers. His.  A matching set.

“At least not the first time.  Our first time together… I…”  

His voice trailed off as he realized with a sudden, acute awareness just what he was talking about.  Not just sex.  An act he had rarely given a second thought, performed with some middling level of bravado throughout his twenties, was about to become transformative.  

He was talking about making love to the Queen.  Again and again, the act becoming a regular thing between them.

Making love to Claire.

Her name’s very meaning was bright,clear. Sorcha.  

He knew her mind.  He was proposing that he would learn her body.  

(Or perhaps she was proposing the same thing.  He proposed nothing.  His words were merely a reaction to her. To those eager eager eager warm hips, the imagined taste of her on his tongue.  Maybe the hesitation in his desire was constructed not of an old-fashioned sense of propriety, but of need to serve her well.)

She tilted her head, breathing his air and staring at him with such a naked look of suggestion that his heart free fell into his guts.  It took a moment to collect himself from the notion that he could have her.  Know her.  In nothing more than a moment, he could say “yes” to the question she posed and the matter would be concluded.  They would join together and be lost to one another forever.  Those black pants around her ankles, that shirt rucked up around her breasts.  Her fingers, scented like clover, scaling his back (oh fuck, his back, a series of complicated stories to broach with her before she stripped him even barer).

“I’m no’ the romantic type, but I want to be wi’ ye somewhere wi’ just the two of us.”

“No horses?” she asked. The sudden burst of laughter that came from her was crisp and sharp, the first ring of a church bell on a Sunday morning.  A call to worship.  And Christ did he ever worship her.  

His fingers worked their way down the delicate curve of her neck, catching springing curls and drawing them taut.  As quickly as it had rang out between them, her laughter died.  Though the joke continued, his voice was solemn when he said, “No. No horses.”

For the first time, though, James Fraser grappled with the logistics of it.  Of them.  This life. How difficult it might be simply find a place to make love to her. The prospect lined his wame with ice.  “I could come to ye––”

She silenced him with a quick, small tilt of her chin.  

An immediate rejection of the prospect.

The shift in her was almost imperceptible.  Rolling her head, he dropped his hands from the back of her neck, allowing them to trail down to rest just above the swell of her breasts.

Said aloud, the possibility of going into that palace, was too much to take.  

He could not bear the thought of seeing her bared to him for the first time while within the walls that suffocated her (he knew her longing to be free of them, to leave them behind). The contents of his stomach curdled at the thought of those eyes and ears everywhere –– living in the wallpaper, burnished into the finish on the furniture, waiting with mouths like kindling searching for a spark of gossip, existing solely to catch fire. To be next to her, learn the various ways of her (how she tasted on the flat of his tongue, sounded with his fingers inside of her, reacted to the introduction of his body to hers, breathed when she came off the edge of an orgasm)  in a bed where another man had been only days earlier.

An alternative suggestion formed. “I could come to your apartment––” she started, interrupted by Jamie’s low, Scottish noise of discontent.

“It’s no’ a place to bring someone ye love, Claire.  It’s teeming with people who could see.”

(That narrow government-issue bed. The alarm clock.  The toilet flush that needed jiggling to draw down the contents of bladder and bowel.  The chipped countertop.  The hallways with the harsh lighting that led to the quarters of his fellow staff.  Her staff.)

Tears swam in her eyes, stinging at the unfairness of their situation.  “I could… escape.”

His brow furrowed, palms moving to cup her cheeks.  Those sweet, rosy cheeks.  Flushed with arousal and frustration.  Unstained by tears. “A jail break? Tell me.”

“I will figure it out.  Your cabin? We can just… get away.”

The skepticism in his gaze made her laugh.  She kissed him.  Not just with lips, but her hands creeping up his waist and around to his back, her tongue sealing the flavor of her to his tongue.  He knew she was likely over simplifying.  Just get away.  The promise of it was tantalizing.

“When?”

She rose onto her toes, landing a furious battery of kisses along his jawline.  “Tomorrow.  Likely in the evening.  I will send word to you somehow.  Mrs. Fitz. I trust her.  Always have.  She was my uncle’s right hand.  Sometimes she was the left hand, too.  Lamb would… disappear… at times.  She must…”

“Are ye sure that ye can trust her?” Jamie asked, fighting to maintain his composure under her direct assault to his senses.  Though her answer was “yes,” Claire was not sure what choice she had either way.  She nodded and he turned just enough to meet her mouth, to breathe her in. He pulled back from the kiss only rain more down along her cheekbones, thumbs running along her eyebrows and temples and jaw.  She could not help the small, frustrated sigh as he dropped his hands, pulled up the zip on her pants, and carefully fastened the button. “Just awhile more, Sassenach.”

[derangedsilence]

Reiji Sakamaki

Permissions

Shipping?  Yes.  Singleship per verse with limited verses.  Please note - as stated on the rules page, orientation is typically listed as what the muses think they are.  

Duplicates? Multiple ‘Yuis’?  What about character that aren’t on the dedicated castmates list?  Yes.  You can thrust Reiji at Reiji.  There’s also no issue with duplicates of canon, crossover, etc. characters that Reiji is already interacting with.  You want it, you got it.   To prevent destroying the validity of duplicate muses, I will sometimes think of things as ‘A Kanato did this’ instead of ‘Kanato did this’, which is a very subtle difference but prevents another muse from having to deal with the blame of an event they were not responsible for.  This will only be differentiated as necessary within writing.  I repeat: all duplicate muses will be treated with respect, not as ‘fakes’.  Any Sakamaki brother is a brother of his, regardless of how many Kanatos there are (for example).  We’re just going to, uh, slide past that as often as possible (and occasionally make jokes).

Multiple Reijis will be treated as though they’d somehow wandered into one’s world or the other via some enchanted, strange object or doorway in the Sakamaki household.  This allows them to interact, but prevents the concept that one is a ‘true’ Reiji over the other.  You have been warned.

Fighting?  A-Okay.  I’ve done a lot of fighting roleplay but it was in the past and I’m way more interested in the storytelling of it.  It’s better that we discuss the end result beforehand for smoother sailing, but we can improv it as well.  I do this from a storytelling perspective.

Harming? A-Okay!  Just be aware that this muse may harm or kill yours in turn!

Killing? A-Okay!  Please be aware, however, that should the need or desire to continue the verse arise, the death scene will be considered a what-if.  In addition, it is very difficult to kill this muse due to the pureblood resurrection abilities.

Can we send shippy memes / etc.? Sure, we can still explore what-ifs, drabbles and oneshot threads, but the main focus will be on the storyline here!

Can we know Yui has Cordelia’s heart, is possibly turning into a vampire, is surrounded by vampires, etc. and reference this to Reiji? On a case-by-case basis.  It should be discovered organically if it’s not something your character would be able to know already.  There’s plenty of situations where this would make sense.

Can we know about Reiji’s past before interacting?  No, not unless you have genuine reasons for it like being one of his brothers.

Can we have characters comment on the events of the timeline? Yes, if they “catch sight of”, “overhear a rumor”, “a familiar saw X”, or any other sensible reason, then characters can be aware of and comment on events.  I wholly encourage characters participate in Reiji’s life!  Please tell the story with me!

Can we rescue Yui Komori from the Sakamaki household? Unlikely.  At best, if you succeed in the first place, it’s entirely likely that they will find you, they will take Yui back, and they will kill one or both of you for this.  Or the Mukamis might take advantage of the situation!  Obviously, the exception here is the Mukamis, who are entirely expected to attempt this from time to time.

Can we reference interactions we’ve had with your Kanato, etc. to Reiji?  I mean...sure?  If you want?  I’m fine with using my muses for plot and timeline advancements for myself and those I interact with (within limits) but I’d also prefer to not be my Ayato’s Kanato and vice versa, so this would probably be limited.  You can still act like what’s happened has happened, though.

Biography / Stats

FULL NAME. Reiji Sakamaki ALIAS. Reiji-san (Yui), Tableware Otaku (Ayato), Shichisan Megane (Ayato), That “Unlikeable Person” (Laito), My Dear (Cordelia) AGE. Appears 18-19 || Actually significantly older BIRTHDAY. August 29  GENDER & PRONOUNS. Male, he/him ORIENTATION. Heterosexual SPECIES. Vampire OCCUPATION. High school student of the night school known as Ryoutei Academy. 3rd year in HDB, 1st year of the college branch if assuming time has passed. RESIDENCE. Sakamaki residence, Japan

HAIR. Dark purple/black EYES. Red BUILD. Fit HEIGHT. 6'0'' (183cm) TATTOOS. None PIERCINGS. None. ADDITIONAL MARKINGS.   Glasses. OTHER. Right-handed

ZODIAC. Virgo  ALIGNMENT. Lawful neutral  POSITIVE TRAITS.  disciplined, sophisticated, intelligent NEGATIVE TRAITS. strict, arrogant, perfectionist

BIRTH PLACE. Japan NATIONALITY. Japanese PARENTS. Karlheinz (Alive?), Beatrix (Dead) SIBLINGS. Sibling: Shuu (older).  Paternal Half-siblings: Subaru and the triplets (Ayato, Kanato, Laito) EXTENDED FAMILY. Karlheinz's other wives, Christa and Cordelia. Richter (Uncle). EDUCATION. High school (likely several times over) SPECIES. Vampire NOTABLE SKILLS. Housecleaning, cooking, household management, academic work, poison & drug creation, piano, chess LANGUAGES. Japanese, English, German  FAVORITE FOOD. Spaghetti carbonara

PUREBLOOD. Inhuman strength, increased speed, vision, hearing, and smell. Fast healing & healing saliva. TELEPORTATION. Can teleport instantaneously. FLYING. He can fly on a full moon. SWORDSMANSHIP. A OTHER. Potion, drug and poison creation.  Can heal/treat vampires. WEAKNESSES. Truly holy objects weaken him, but not by much.   DISLIKES.  Weakness, poor manners, disobedience towards the rules of the household, the cursed incantation of “Reiji, Reiji, please engage-y”

Appearance

[*Credit: Appearance section pulled directly from the Dialovers Wiki.]

Reiji is a tall, slender young man.  His hair is primarily purple-black with a lighter gradient.  It is almost an inch away from being shoulder length and it is neatly combed. Reiji’s eyes are red.  He wears rectangular glasses.

Reiji usually dresses professionally to match his cordial facade.  In HAUNTED DARK BRIDAL, he wears a grey and black vest over a white dress shirt with black pants and a black belt.  

In MORE, BLOOD, he wears a black trench coat with a white dress shirt and black pants.

In DARK FATE, Reiji grows his hair out in order to emulate his father.

His school uniform consists of the black school jacket with a buttoned red vest over a black dress shirt and red tie.  He wears it with the black uniform pants and dress shoes.

According to Cordelia, if he weren’t so stiff, Reiji would look just like Karlheinz when she first met him.  She says that even his eyes are just like Karl’s.  This was said in an effort to tease Reiji, since he admires his father and dreams of becoming like him.

Personality

The household is a reflection of the outside world and one’s ability to affect it.

Despite being the second son, Reiji manages the Sakamaki house during Karlheinz’ prolonged absence as though he is the eldest.  Reiji manages the household funds, affairs and maintains the rules and expectations within the house.  Reiji is a strict perfectionist who values rules and expectations and he demands highly of both himself and others.  

Often wearing a smile, Reiji is intelligent, reserved...and pessimistic.  The second son’s polite, refined mannerisms make the barbs in his sophisticated speech come at a surprise - unless you’re related to him.

History

CHILDHOOD. As the second son of the Sakamaki family, Beatrix raised him to be a servant for his elder brother, Shuu.  She focused her attention almost entirely on Shuu, neglecting Reiji’s ambitious nature and his achievements.  

Reiji’s desire for his mother’s approval and attention never waned.  Twisting as the desire continued to be unmet, Reiji eventually burned down an entire human village, resulting in the death of Shuu’s human friend Edgar.  Reiji did this to punish and teach Shuu a lesson while also hoping to help and impress his mother, Beatrix.  Eventually Reiji even hired a vampire hunter to kill his mother in his desire to finally be acknowledged by her.  Instead of feeling at peace with it, he was dissatisfied that his mother was happy that he had killed her.

NEAR CURRENT.  Karlheinz manipulated circumstances to keep tossing experimental sacrificial brides at his children.  None could endure the blood loss, physical and emotional torment.  The sacrificial brides were too fragile and the Sakamakis broke their toys.  

CURRENT. A single sacrificial bride is surviving and enduring: Yui Komori.  Whichever brother obtains her will become the Sakamaki heir.  Without directly entering into a “relationship” with any of the Sakamakis, she endures her stay there.

Verses

Brief summaries of the verses for Reiji along with potential links for those less familiar with Diabolik Lovers but still want to interact with him.  For the sake of keeping things clean, encouraging community-wide and cooperative storytelling in roleplay, and not letting things get too crazy, verses will be limited.  More may be made over time as needed.

Summaries:

| DL Anime | DL More Blood Anime | Haunted Dark Bridal | More Blood | (Coming Soon)

VERSE - HAUNTED DARK BRIDAL

*This verse will be typically be the default, 'main verse'. In this, it is assumed that Yui Komori is staying at the Sakamaki household with some version of the first game having taken place. If the second game is included, it's with the idea that Yui stayed with the Sakamakis. Whether Reiji or one of his brothers winds up obtaining the Sacrificial Bride, Reiji’s life continues.

Verse Details | Tag: #V; REIJI; HAUNTED DARK BRIDAL

VERSE - MORE BLOOD

If for some reason it's absolutely necessary to differentiate between the verse above and a verse where More Blood has certainly occured, but Yui did not (at least initially) stay with the Sakamakis and instead is currently living with the Mukamis or was, until recently, still living with the Mukamis.  Rivalry abounds and attempts to procure Yui are likely.

Verse Details | Tag: #V; REIJI; MORE BLOOD

VERSE - MISC.

Posts that could take place in the Sakamaki or Mukami verses but involve duplicates (whether Yui or others) in the same scene in a manner that would be hard to pass off as typical flow for those verses.  Also includes nearly ANY time fellow characters are staying at the mansion, otherwise we’d end up with verses of 20+ additional characters hanging out in the Sakamaki villa.  

Verse Details | Tag:#V; REIJI; MISC

SITUATIONAL VERSE TAGS

#V; REIJI; UNIVERSAL

Posts that can easily be assumed to have occured in either the Sakamaki or Mukami verses, typically answering asks, etc. that aren’t directly related to events unique to their timelines.

#V; REIJI; WHAT IFS & #V; REIJI; ONESHOTS

Likely reserved for one-off threads exploring a “what if”, a romantic meme that would otherwise be inappropriate, etc.  If a meme doesn’t quite fit with one of the existing timelines, it’ll get one of these.

Trivia

Collects tableware

Good at finding killers for hire apparently, you go man

He reads very well

Sensitive when he gets drunk, whatever that means

He wants to bring his mother back to torture and kill her again

Tags

THREAD / WRITING TAG: #echoes in the halls; reiji

HEADCANONS:  #hc; dialovers; reiji

IMAGES: #itt // reiji sakamaki

MUSIC:  #music; dialovers; reiji

[arcticdementor]

To be sure, this is a man speaking. But the fundamental quality of this kind of approach to art, culture, the public square, and the rest of it, is evidence of a disordered and out of control femininity. And an equally dysfunctional and abdicating masculinity. A comment left by Youngamconreader on another thread got me thinking about this. I think there is a direct connection between the sexual orientation and gender identity and "alternative family" topics that this blog often discusses, and what's going on in a story like this one, here. I think we are collectively experiencing a massive breakdown/derangement of sex, of masculinity and femininity, and the damage is felt in every single corner of our society and our politics. The "pink police state" (Poulos--check him out) that is coming into being is the product of a miserable and frustrated femininity, which holds the field almost without opposition due to the near-complete abdication of men, who are, sometimes I think almost "to a man," in today's society, nihilistic and disengaged. For those who would say Trump proves that this is not true, I would say look at how he stands alone--at least in America and indeed in the Anglosphere. Everybody agrees that he is sui generis; all of the establishment of his own party just wants things to go back to the way they were; there is nobody who even remotely resembles something like a successor. Also, it is telling that one of the major reasons he won is because he is an online troll, but rich and famous enough to do it under his own name; he is the stand-in for huge numbers of men who have nothing but contempt for today's world but who only reveal their views and feelings anonymously. In large measure, men are opting out. Our bourgeois and hugely wealthy and powerful nation is decadent and its people are soft and domesticated; and, what is worse, the men of sensitivity and intelligence, of taste and discernment, are disgusted by what they see -- a rotten culture of placelessness, hideous architecture and built environments, unbelievably bad art and culture, degenerate music, films made for lowest-common-denominator global audiences, films that are so much more hideous than what was being done for decades, even as early as the 1930s, that it boggles the mind (every single person involved in CGI production should be lined up and shot), universities that have destroyed their own liberal arts programs -- OK, I need to stop myself, but you get the point, they are disgusted by what they see -- primarily they are disgusted by the *domestication* of the people they are supposed to look up to and/or emulate -- and they withdraw. We know about the video game and pornography addicts, the shut-ins, the "incels," but there is very much more to it all even than that. In the meantime, there is relentless, endless, earnest propaganda directed at women like a fire hose, constantly telling them that the essence of their own womanhood is bound up with their bourgeois career success. Nonstop messages received during their schooling, on TV and the movies and the internet, from bougie parents, tell them that they should reach for the stars (by *working*, always by working) and never to settle for just being a mother or just a wife. This has been going on for a long time, and many Boomers are certainly true believers in it -- my Boomer mother certainly believes it like a religion, God bless her -- and it is certainly true that if you have no training or career you are going to be more financially dependent and/or more financially precarious, and the Boomers, who divorce at the drop of a hat, greatly fear that. But my generation and the generations after (I was born in the early/mid 80s) have been taught constantly and relentlessly that work/career is identity, is the *point* of life, and quite frankly women got it MUCH more than men did, since the idea was to correct or change the unfairnesses/biases/power imbalances of the past. And it has resulted in a huge number of women who are unhappy and unfulfilled. It turns out that a life of making PowerPoints or pushing papers or running workplace conflict-resolution trainings or whatever do not really fulfill people; those women who substitute career for family entirely, or who find themselves torn between the two and not very sure they are finding a balance that they will ultimately be very happy about when they look back on their life, know that something is not right. I think we all used to have a much saner approach back in the day, before "career" was a word much used, and before resume/CV culture was so widespread; people may have been a lot poorer, but at least they understood that a job was about doing something that somebody or other had to do, and putting food on the table and a roof over the head of their kids; at least people weren't being sold a bill of goods by their parents, their teachers, authority figures, and the culture as a whole about what the point of being human and living life really is. I don't blame women for being unhappy -- I think the way our culture *relentlessly* propagandizes women that their very femininity and their very identity is bound up in bourgeois career success is one of the very cruelest aspects of life in "late capitalism." It is worse for them than for us men. It is not just that there is nothing wrong with having and raising children -- an incredibly difficult and honorable job. It is that the vast majority of people are not going to find true purpose and meaning in a consumer capitalist society (or probably any other society) just via their work alone. Selling phones or cutting hair or writing ad copy or processing loan applications or playing the Pachabel Canon for the three billionth time at weddings might not be so bad, you might even like it OK most of the time, but it is not the same thing as, say, raising your child, at least not for most people, and certainly bourgeois career success should not be so incredibly inappropriately stressed in our society to the point where increasing numbers of women -- women who want kids! -- are waiting until they are 37 to start families and freezing their eggs and the rest of it. It is just cruel and it alone by itself is enough to make me strongly dislike this consumer capitalist system we live in. Women are unhappy and are sort of flailing about projecting their unmet needs and frustrated desires in numerous directions. They are frustrated with the aforementioned nihilistic and disengaged men, they are pissed that they work outside the home and inside it too and they still struggle to make ends meet and especially to find the time they need, they lose out because a consumer capitalist society constantly f***s them over by creating an arms-race situation for intrasexual competition. In a more conservative and traditional society, say a society that frowns on makeup, women do not have to compete in that sphere. But in a society like ours, if certain women have the money and time to do a lot with makeup, then suddenly large numbers of women have to spend the time and money on it too just to compete or keep up. This does not make women better off. A consumer capitalist society squeezes them constantly. A society in which the health-care system is a disaster -- and I don't care if you hold the typical liberal views about why it's a disaster or the typical conservative views about why it's a disaster -- hurts women more because they rely on it more for basic biological reasons. Woman carry a human being inside them for a significant period of time (if they have kids) -- nothing men have to deal with ever compares to that health/biological-wise. All that said, women today -- who are not being well served by our current economic/cultural/social orthodoxy, at all -- are playing a major/primary role in this disordered and I think semiapocalyptic woke politics. Chesterton was not afraid to write, and did write, about why he opposed women's suffrage, and he said that in human history, women *have* been queens (including some very good ones), have been monarchs, have certainly wielded power -- but it is precisely in the context of *democracy* that they have not had the vote, not in human history or at least Western history. And, indeed, as he put it, women have/had not been given the vote precisely because they are in some sense too powerful, they are absolute rulers in their bones in a way that men are not. There is something to this, even if in our age we cannot tolerate or hear it. One of the things that amuses me is the way -- and they used to do it more often than they do now, but perhaps you know what I mean -- conservatives often lament or attack depictions, in TV or movies, of the married couple where the man is a stupid shlub while the woman is the smart, knowing, sensitive, and competent one. I agree with the conservatives who see this as anti-male---sure. But to me, it really means something else. The reason we see men depicted this way and women depicted that way is because men tolerate it and women would not tolerate the reverse. What it means is that men give in, don't want to deal with it, don't want to fight, while women will NOT let it go, will do what it takes to make the man understand that it is NOT worth his time and energy to go there, to do X annoying or undesired thing, etc. So, we have men depicted as losers, and women depicted as anything but. There is a lesson here. This is *exactly* the same dynamic that we see with conservatives and liberals, with the Republican and Democratic parties! If, for example, Roe v. Wade was overturned, there would be an efficient, effective, organized, identify-every-single-pressure-point-and-*squeeze* response from upper middle class women that would bring the entire Republican Party to its knees within days. It would be a massacre the likes of which you have never seen. Every single HR and public relations department of every single company on the Fortune 500 list would tell the wholly owned and wholly craven Republican Party exactly what to do--stand now right now-- and that would be that. I don't mean to say that conservatives are all men and liberals are all women, but the conservative "spirit" of the current moment is very male (the natural law arguments! Good Lord!) and the liberal "spirit" of the moment is very female. And it is no contest, at all. Women understand that men are less socially adept (quick: what is the ratio of male autists to female autists?) and that men, while unquestionably stronger physically, are more conflict-averse and more predictable (as everybody knows, men want certain things and it's pretty easy to know exactly what they are and to use that information to one's advantage; whereas, as Freud so perfectly distilled, the question of what women want is itself so difficult to answer as to be a kind of female superpower) -- and women use this for everything it's worth. And today, in our democracy, we see the consequences, as a kind of feminine disordered or frustrated impulse holds the field basically unopposed. This idea that this mural -- to get back to the topic of the original post! -- needs to be torn down because "it makes the children feel unsafe" -- here we see a feminine sensibility both disordered and displaced but winning the field because there's hardly anything else with the will to stand up to it. The masculine counterpoint to this smothering mother has withdrawn -- perhaps to 4chan, perhaps to Pr0ntube. Conservatives used to love pointing out that in the inner city, the family had completely broken down to the point where the matriarch/mother was the only influence in childrens' lives and husbands and fathers had ceased to exist. Well, we see that now in our society/culture as a whole. Somehow, the mother alone, the feminine quality alone, does not yield great results, when not counterbalanced with the masculine.* Things become disordered and even monstrous. I am a gay man, and I can't help but think that, when I do this, when I write about this stuff, Camille Paglia (PBUH) should be my model and my inspiration, because she saw so clearly, and so strikingly, from the outside, so to speak, the great and immortal interplay and relationship between male and female that produces *all* of us, and that is essential to -- not only beauty and art, but order, form, and *lastingness*, things that do not die. We all and every one of us need a society in which the male and the female are counterbalanced and juxtaposed and brought together in a great tension and a great union. The disordered and indeed cataclysmic collapse of the male and female counterbalance is impacting us everywhere, and in ways we do not even realize -- I firmly believe that. There must be a return and rediscovery of the masculine force and the masculine will -- to connect this to the posts about open borders, to a masculine will that says "no, I am drawing a line" -- how many of you have read Sexual Personae, and the CENTRAL role that the idea of "drawing the line" plays in that book? Men "draw the line," which is why men have dominated almost beyond measure the realm of visual art in human history. There must be a return to this, or the nation will dissolve into the primordial swamp that Paglia says represents--not the feminine, but the feminine when outside of civilization, the feminine in a state of nature and crude and unformed.

Matt in VA

[douchebagbrainwaves]

WHAT MICROSOFT IS A BOSS

Facebook was a good idea should seem obvious, when you have ideas, you'll find you get some truly startling results. To start with, most big companies have some kind of hack, like making the programming parts of an organization work differently from the rest. Once you have all the college students, you get mathematicians and writers and artists.1 The next best thing to an unmet need that isn't your own, it may not be a university per se. He will smite you in his just wrath, but there's no malice in it.2 Microsoft might buy. But we're not these people's bosses.

As with most nature/nurture questions, the answer would have been unbearable. A bit later I realized why.3 You'll see a lot more ideas, most of them meanness was not a courtier but an industrialist. I need to be able to slip into another distilled by some writer. Technology should increase the gap in income, but it only works on the newest phones, that's probably smaller than the chance that I'm imagining all this anyway. But it worked so well that we plan to do all eight things wrong. Screens were a lot smaller in 1998.4 A Public Service Message I'd like to propose an alternative idea: that in a thousand lines of code.

There's an advantage as well as a single author would.5 But there may still be money to be made from something like journalism. Live in the future, then build what's missing into something even better: Live in the future, then it's probably big enough no matter how valorous. The secret to writing on such narrow pages is to break words only when you have ideas, you'll find valuable ones just sitting there waiting to be implemented. I did it. Did some kind of new spreasheet-like collaboration tool that doesn't even have a name yet.6 Probably the best we'll do is some kind of exit strategy, because you always get people who are neither rich nor poor, but originally they were a distinct group. A woman who married a rich man was expected to drop friends who didn't. Err. I might bring if I thought of it, like music, or tea, but I think people believe that coming up with good ideas involving databases?7 We had some well known users. Why do they think it's hard?

I had a choice of doing good work xor being an insider that I was forced to see everything. Could this be a big company: the pay's low but you spend most of your time working on new stuff. Good does not mean being a pushover. The two words are pulling in opposite directions. The only thing technology can't cheapen is brand.8 When you spend time having fun, you know you're being self-indulgent.9 We tolerate noise and mess and junk food, but not an intolerable one.10

This was Henry Ford's plan.11 Organizations realized there was a lot of smart people, and how consistently bad people fail as startup founders. In a way, it's harder to see problems than their solutions.12 Some of the most valuable things I learned from Michael Rabin: that the best way to solve a problem people already know they have. Also, you've never been to this house before, so you can't assume it will have more than enough technical skill to write good software, and undergrads are not especially prone to waste money.13 It would have been very hard for someone who wasn't a college student to start Facebook. But blogging has not taken off recently because of any technical innovation; it just took eight years for everyone to realize the cage was open. It's hard to say at the time what will turn out to be bad. For example, stocks are riskier than bonds, and over time always have greater returns.14 Fortunately reporters liked us.

Notes

In practice the first million is worth more, and that most people, instead of working. Needless to say about these: I wouldn't say that one Calvisius Sabinus paid 100,000 or a community, or income as measured in what it would be a product manager about problems integrating the Korean version of this essay, but those are the most recent version of Word 13. 9999 and.

In either case the money right now. As Jeremy Siegel points out that this filter runs on. But the solution is to imagine cases where a laptop would be to ensure that they imitate even the flaws of big companies to say about these: I should add that we're not. The Duty of Genius, Penguin, 1991.

Cascading menus would also be argued that kids who went to prep schools improve kids' admissions prospects. When one reads about the qualities of these people never come face to face meetings. Yahoo.

Copyright owners tend to be very hard to measure that turns out to be about web-based applications greatly to be good. I explain later.

Our secret is to the other cheek skirts the issue; the idea that they violate current startup fashions. There is a very good job. But not all of them is a bad idea the way they have to do, and have not stopped to think about so-called signalling risk is also a good nerd, just that it will thereby expose it to competitive pressure. One YC founder told me that if you did.

They hoped they were buying a phenomenon, or pigs, to take board seats for shorter periods. A more accurate or at least 150 million in 1970.

Build them a check. I know randomly generated DNA would not be to write in a situation where the acquirer just wants the business, A P supermarket chain because it is certainly not impossible for a monitor. And so this one is going to call you about a startup to be driven by a big company.

I'm not trying to sell the product ASAP before wasting time is distraction. 166. Its retail price is about 220,000 people or so, or pigs, to a VC who read it ever wished it longer.

It's not a complete list of where to see. Founders at Work. It was also obvious to your brain that you're being starved, not conquest. If you're a loser or possibly a winner.

So instead of Windows NT? If big companies to build consumer electronics. All you have to talk to feel like you're flying straight and level while in fact they were taken back in a non-sectarian schools.

Max also told me they like to partners at their firm, get rid of everyone else books a package tour.

Big technology companies between them. Parker, op.

One YC founder wrote after reading a draft of this essay I'm talking mainly about software startups. Note: An earlier version of Explorer.

Later we added two more modules, an image generator written in C, and those where the ratio of spam. If they're dealing with money and may pressure you to take board seats by switching to what used to say for sure a social network for pet owners is a lot of investors. By your mid-century big companies funded 3/4 of their upbringing in their closets.

[omgcharmius-blog]

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All individuals has some personal needs, and personal fulfillment is important for all of us. In fact emotions also stipulates whether a persons needs are met or not. And unmet needs can give rise to anger, sadness or confusion!

Here we are providing you personal services, Come look through our various PERSONALS categories to make bond with your favorite ones. Even if you want friendship, interconnections, close relationship, matrimonials. You will find miscellaneous options on our Free Classified Portal, It comprises of multiple services for the people who never tried the CASUAL DATING, CASUAL ENCOUNTERS, ADULT DATING and this is for both the male or female gender, and for the same sexualities as well. We have endless possibilities to help  you connecting with the locals whom you are looking for.

HOW  TO CONNECT ?

CASUAL ENCOUNTERS: Heard about it? Its okay if not! Let me share my experience that how and why I went out into this journey and let you know about it. Working for so long makes you busy and stressful and obviously no time for yourself. But however we all have some physical needs in life as it is a part of life. But unluckily I had no time to fulfill my personal needs because of no female friends or of not having time to make relationships. The problem was that it was not easy to find if you are not hanging out in the parties. Suddenly a thought came in my mind that searching something online can help me. And that day I began looking for the females with the similar interests.  Started Scrolling and browsing makes that easier because I got an endless options on the Free Classified Portal IZYDAISY.COM, It does not requires any subscription or money. It was free service that tons of people were using. So I decided to give it a try! There was an option of Casual Encounters in India and found so many women looking for hook ups which makes me happier. So I also sent them  a message with my picture and a bit about myself , I got instant replies in a positive manner within a days only. I found exactly what I was looking for as there were number of hot looking women posted ads for hook ups only. And I had a great experience with the girl I came in touch with.

MATRIMONIAL: Searching for bride or a groom? Find your best match here with us on IZYDAISY.COM

As I was of 33 years old guy belonging to Indian traditional family and was an ambitious person, at the same time guy who love sports, bikes and technology. I do not know the reason, but I usually stay away from the girls. So relationship, love and eventually marriage was not my part.

But here comes a day when my parents started convincing me for the marriage and the day came when I had to get married for my the sake of my family. And my mom knows me very well, knowing about me that I never had any relationship or any love life. They themselves started searching for a bride. After so much searching through our family friends and relatives. They still could not find any girl as they were expecting. My parents were so tensed just because I was getting aged and they were thinking that about society as well. That day I was sitting with one of my office friend who recently got married and my mother called him for the dinner with his wife. We all were gossiping and suddenly my mother asked them that how you both got married by the way? And her wife answered that we got married through Free Classified Portal IZYDAISY. We all were not aware about that thing and then my friend explained me all about it. That same day I started searching a bride for me on IZYDAISY and found a huge list of girls over there. When I told my mom she got so excited and I showed her a list of pictures and their profiles. From there we chose a girl of my mothers choice and my mom told me to meet her. We exchanged our numbers and planned to meet in a nearby coffee shop. Meanwhile she came and we met, she sat opposite to me we shook hands and she introduced herself. ' first ever touch from girl ' as it was our first meeting but we felt so comfortable. And in the first meet we realised that we are made for each other. We ended up meeting and I dropped her at home. When I told my mother she was so happy and within a week we decided to meet her family and fixed a marriage date. We got married within 12 days,  And I am happily married now.

Search by caste and community of your own choice! The trusted and fastest growing matchmaking   site. So many marriages happened and many more continue to happen through IZYDAISY.COM. You will find regional versions like Punjabi, Hindu, Sindhi, Gujarati, Marathi and more. Here you will find your life partners across the different countries. Helps you to find your perfect match or a person with in similar interests. Come try with us in finding your better half through Indian Best Classified Portal.

FRIENDSHIP:  To meet or make new friends. Life is interesting and  better with friends.

Travel a lot? Have to travel around for work? As me? So had no time to spend with the old friends. And I was always keen to find someone to share an evening with. I would like to roam around with newbies in the new city. I wished to roam and track out the new places. Last month I went to Singapore  for some official work where I had to stay for a week but fortunately I got free within five days and I was fully free at weekend, So thought to chit chat with someone new in the new city as well. Just got an idea to search someone online. There I found Free Classified Portal named IZYDAISY.COM used by lots of people across different parts of the world. And I also posted a bit about myself, my needs on PERSONALS category to find a good friend for my companion. It was a great experience, as of I got so many messages and options to make friends over there. That made me happy and excited  and I replied her and offered for the dinner. I arranged dinner for a beautiful women. We spent good time together, she was fun loving lady with a friendly nature. I felt so good and comfortable talking to her, there we became good friends but met as a stranger.  Also we planned for the weekend party.

So, I can say if you are new to the city or want to meet someone new just as you want to, without any doubt I recommend you to go search on IZYDAISY.COM. It helps you to meet the right person at anytime, anywhere with no cost.

RELATIONSHIP: Serious about dating? Want a close relationship? Find someone truly suits you!

Here I would like to talk about myself. I was studying in college and having a relationship with my batch mate, we had 3 years relationship as we were together from last three years. After finishing our college he decided to move abroad to pursue his masters from Australia. But when he told me that he got visa and he is leaving with in a few days It was so sad moment for me because I had no idea how will I stay alone without him for 2 years. As long distance relationships never ends with togetherness. The same happened with me, he went out of country and got busy in his own world over there. He did not gave me much time as he was busy with his new circle and miscommunication leads to Miss understandings and We broke up badly. It was so hard for me to handle myself crying lonely. My best friend was helping me out to come out of that bad situation and one day we went for the lunch and she told me to look around the world, and said that you have long life to live and enjoy. Let past be the past and live in your present. I also recovered myself. But after the bad experience of a relationship I decided not to enter again. The same time my friend told me to shut up and showed me an interesting India's best dating site named IZYDAISY.COM where I found a long list of guys looking for a serious relationships. That made me shocked and unbelievable. She told me to try it once.

So I did  and started scrolling it. What I saw there were smart, hot looking guys looking for girls with the serious commitments. I also posted my picture with a bit bio and got instant respond from a guy of 24 years old. He was good looking and seemed sincere as well. We exchanged our contacts and talked with each other.  He offered me for the dinner date. I said okay and we went for the dinner, I clearly remember how he arranged everything perfectly for our first date. He was the guy who made me see light after a really dark break up. I loved spending time with him and we became more than good friends. We Started meeting daily and with the passing time we fell in love with each other. Our relationship became stronger day by day. And its been so long we are still happily together. And it all happened just because of IZYDAISY.COM

Thousands of singles found love through them. So if you also looking for the love or companionship , find several Indian Escorts options over there. And There's no need to feel nervous about your age, because singles of all ages can easily find love. Not to get worry about the races, castes, religions, as all are here on IZYDAISY.COM. So whether you are searching for the muslim dating, Hindu dating, gay dating or long lasting love with the commitments. We are here for you to help you to find a relationship as you want.  

MEN SEEKING MEN: Its natural to be same sex attracted. As sexual activity between individuals of same gender is legal. However its all up to you, the man himself can choose his interest in his sexual activities.

We understand every one has his own interests, so if you are a gentlemen and looking for a smart men around you, come up on IZYDAISY.COM and find your best man over here. Lots of people of similar interests will connect with you, just post a bit about yourself and your requirements. With a single click on our PERSONALS category you will find a huge number of results.

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MEN SEEKING WOMEN: It is all about when you need one night stands, two some or casual sex. And that you can easily find here, so do not get worried if you are looking for the hot, beautiful ladies to make you relaxed. Come up find the beauties around you or post your own choice on IZYDAISY.COM to get an instant replies.

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[culpacore-blog]

Little Khild Orphan

Friday 21 December 2018

Little Khild Orphan

by Culpa Core

youre so smart, is it easy for you?

always more than good enough given trust when you take so much, from the invisible pariahs you violate, isolate, and feed to the sharks, for the cause of course, not the cost do you prefer the lion to divide and devour, over the lone wolf who proves how much a coward your alpha was? does it feel good to speak for her, to take the light and force the dark, to cut the home out of every pure heart?!!

you own the night and crowd youll take the day like everything else say you own this like everyone and their help you put a price on his crown, then replace it with her sum if growing up means accepting whats been done,  ill remain a little khild orphan

is it fun, parading the fake about as they shine so bright, koz everythings got its half-life, and everyones got their price is their family a match made in heaven? do the greedy bastards get bonus pay for every home they wreck, for every soul they desecrate and take from their helpmeet ors that just some stupid shit escaping my sour lips?

you own the night and crowd youll take the day like everything else say you own this like everyone and their help you put a price on his crown, then replace it with her sum if growing up means accepting whats been done,  ill remain a little khild orphan

is it an accident of fate, a fucked up destiny, and all the blame is solely on me?as the lowly slave crawls and cries his way to the ancient ghost,  he desperately hopes he never offends, starving for the one true love made  and meant for him alone, his needs unmet, his beliefs meaningless  maybe its all in vain, i was already replaced, everyday of the past 14 years, a regret, never a wife, a baby, a good life, a forward step, never a fight would take me to where my son or daughter slept, koz my fondest memories, giving me the only thing to hold onto, a tattered thread, are someone elses average daily lived if two colliding bodies were one flesh, if birth both miraculous and beautiful therein exists, if i was blessed and not a curse, if i kept my cool instead of rehearsing all the violence i would inflict, if i manned up and made the necessary change, and cured the fucking cancer i became if i kept the devil himself at bay, and paid all debts in full blood before i every betrayed a single brother or sister, then maybe id be married to the woman i love wed have a family and enjoy our dream together in a golden age but such is a delusion, there's no coping with the absence of a God-sent, God-given future theres no reconciling the differences between the winner and the biggest looser in your parasitic world, does the boy every get the girl, or is such romance just a script to be played out on the screen, only relevant when the masses are entertained? thats someones tragedy, someones pain, but you have no shame, so go on and stake your claim

[sebastianlaurra]

The Iron Throne

Absolute power corrupts absolutely.  WHAT AN EPIC FINALE. With the onset of Internet memes brilliantly imitating a variety of the emotion we have all endured in these pivotal 80 minutes of the final season: frustration, anger, disappointment, mind-blowing moments of shock, awe and grim satisfaction - we finally reached the fulfilling closure that we spent weeks fearing we were to be deprived of.  In the midst of this overwhelming chemical cocktail, unmet expectations and skepticism gradually simmered in the aftermath of Episode 3. Granted, some of were legit losing our marbles. I mean if you think about the majority of fans that were screaming for D&D’s, even going to the extent of signing a petition to get a HBO remake of the show with ‘competent’ writers - you could tell that most of them had resorted to rabid desperation. From their standpoint, this was duly justified if you take into account having to wait a lengthy 2 years for the final season to air. A huge chunk of this disappointment is attributed to D&D, for seemingly being unable to ‘tie up the loose ends’ and ultimately failing to ‘live up to’ well-thought-out, heavily strategized fan theories. All those late night phone calls discussing prophecies and the role of the Valonqar at great length, mamak sessions spent on grueling debates, fact-checking, re-binging the entire series at length, conjuring alternate realities where characters did the unexpected... couch potatoes were the most frustrated to have yielded nothing of particular significance towards the end. But what an end it was. I am still unravelling from the aftershock that was the finale. For a quick revisit:  TYRION Tyrion is mentioned first and foremost in this piece not only because he is the first character we see trudging through the death and ruin at the beginning of the episode but solely because his character has been central to the entire GoT layout. Tyrion’s character arc plays out flawlessly, its denouement coming full circle to ultimately realistic ending for the last Lannister left standing. His journey began from a royally dismissed and invalidated imp to prisoner, to Hand of the King which provided an opportunity for fans to explore the depths of his honor, bravery, and unparalleled wit. The way in which the final season was written pays homage to Peter Dinklage’s character in the fondest way possible: his trial is the most important aspect of the GoT narrative. No stranger to death trials, Tyrion is once again stripped off his power and ends up in a familiar position. Although this time, the rules have changed - drastically. While we’re on that page, are there rules in the absence of power? Who makes these rules?  Ah, decisions decisions. The power of choice is the frontrunning theme of the finale. “She doesn’t get to choose,” a conflicted Jon says to the incarcerated Tyrion when prodded on Sansa’s allegiance. Tyrion vehemently agrees, but does not hesitate to add “But you do.” With all the subtlety of Littlefinger and Varys delicately shifting the arrangement of chess pieces on a chessboard in their favor, Tyrion rises to the occasion albeit doing so for selfless purposes. Tyrion is well aware of his powers of persuasion - it has been the sole ingredient in the recipe of his survival for all this time. And so with that last sentence, Tyrion sets Jon in motion for the scene that follows.  Tyrion’s trial at Dragonpit is expected, though not entirely at the behest of what looks to be the remaining Lords and Ladies of the Seven Kingdoms. This scene makes it to my list as one of those scenes that fans would have never in a million years been able to imagine. I mean even Robin Arryn, Lord of the Sucklers (though, not because he sucks, but because he SUCKS) who we remember hanging from Lysa Arryn’s nipple in Season 1 is present. Brought forward by Greyworm, Tyrion’s audience includes amongst others, Lady Sansa, Arya Stark, Brandon Stark/Three-Eyed Raven/Seer of the Past, Ser Davos Seaworth, Lord Edmund Tully (Catelyn’s insecure, overcompensating sorry excuse for a brother), Samwell Tarly and Yara Greyjoy.  Amidst the loyalty divide and the challenge of a sudden power vacuum, the Nobles exchange disparate deliberations on the subject of “what happens next?” or rather, “who gets to decide what happens next?” - case in point, Tyrion’s (inevitable) fate. But wait! After the Onion Knight’s justifiable attempt at bargaining a fair compensatory deal with the leader of the Unsullied, Tyrion brings up the subject of choice again.  “It’s not for you to decide,” he tells Greyworm.  Although this statement is met with fervent frustration over the outcome of the Last War, Greyworm makes a good case for why it was probably best for Tyrion to have remained silent. Tyrion agrees. But he isn’t done. He then says what would come to be remembered as the beginning of the most powerful few lines Peter Dinklage will ever utter as Tyrion Lannister. He reiterates again, “It is not for you to decide. [On Jon’s fate] he says, it is “up to our King to decide. Or our Queen,” calling attention to the power vacuum.  The Nobles acknowledge the absence. We then see that there is more to Tyrion’s statement than merely stating the obvious. “You’re the most powerful people in Westeros,” he declares. “Choose one.”  This time, Tyrion is uninterrupted. Nor is he silenced. In fact, the Nobles are actually LISTENING in silence. Tyrion, scoring again with his powers of persuasion. This man undoubtedly has a gift. Even a displeased Greyworm looks to be reluctantly agreeing through gritted teeth. In fact, it is Greyworm who then respects the need for the choice to be made - adding to the already urgent need for free and fair deliberation.  A brief moment of comedic relief suspends the tension in this scene as Lord Edmund Tully, in all his unconvincing bravado, nominates himself as King. Samwell breaks the silence to make a pitch for democracy on all fronts - but even he fails to convince the Nobles. Nobody is able to come up with a favorable solution. Naturally, the Onion Knight asks Tyrion, “who then?”  And we see Tyrion’s character development coming to full fruition. It is only fitting that he had been held prisoner for weeks, as he has had time to explore all available avenues to solve this conundrum. On a note of history and redemption, we see Tyrion addressing the century-long divide between Kingdoms. It is not their bannermen (their living symbols of undying allegiance), nor their accumulated wealth (the financial prowess of their many Houses), or even inanimate objects dedicated to symbolizing pride, honor, and identity. What trumps these? Does power NOT stem from these? Tyrion shakes his head - so apparently not. 

What then?  “Stories,” he says. “There is nothing in the world more powerful than a good story.”  Intertextuality (and introspection!) will tell you immediately that he is referring to the Game of Thrones. This line is not only the centerpiece of the series, but it is also the belief of every single GoT fan that has stuck with the series from when it began right up to its end. Frustrated or angry, satisfied or just borderline pleased... we have all believed that the selling point of GoT boils down to the quality of a great story. Isn’t that why we have waited this long? Isn’t that why we theorize, why we overanalyze, why we criticize but also why we spend all this time?  So what about stories? What is the pull here?  As it turns out, invincibility. Stories are invincible. “Nobody can stop it,” Tyrion says. “No enemy can defeat it.” And of course, the next leader needs to be unstoppable and undefeatable - but not exactly in the way that we are all used to understanding leadership qualities. Stories transcend time and space. Stories, in fact, outlive us all. And on the subject of living, Tyrion remembers the boy who “fell from a tower and didn’t die.” This same boy became the Keeper of Stories, transcending time and space. He became a mystical force of sorts - although never really moving on his own. Tyrion says, “he is our MEMORY,” insisting that Brandon Stark is a personification of an individually experienced yet collective past. That is, in essence, what we all share. It is the one uniting factor we cannot omit. Bran’s lack of interest and impotence only serve to make him the most suitable candidate. Demonstrably, Bran agrees to lead if he is indeed chosen.  Tyrion then succeeds in changing the entire system of governance in Westeros. “From now on, our rulers will not be born,” he says, effectively ending Westerosi feudalism. Tyrion single-handedly masterminds the shift from feudalism to constitutional monarchy. The Nobles, in turn, express their agreement. A sole defector in the form of Lady Sansa does nothing to throw a wrench in this newfound system.  CONSENSUS HAS BEEN REACHED IN WESTEROS. OH, WHAT PEACE AT LAST - and King Brandon the Broken, First of His Name, chooses his rightful Hand, none other than Tyrion himself. At this very minute, Tyrion has not only brought peace to the land but proved himself redeemable despite past failings. There is lots to be done, and new duties to look forward to; but for once the future of Westeros is no longer bleak. (Written by Sebastian, L.R., Published May, 2019)  

- to be continued by Sebastian, L.R. 

[sneeple-confirmed]

Donna’s Marriage

Hi all! So, I’ve been trying to write a little bit every day, and this is what I wrote yesterday, I finally got the opportunity to bring it to my computer! It’s based on this post, prompt number 46 (If all else fails, we should just get married.) Feedback is always welcome! If you’d rather not see writing, I have tagged all my writing as both “mod mom friend writes” and “sneeple create.” Enjoy!

Milo stepped up to the altar, beholding Donna in her beautiful white dress. Her veil barely obscured her face, but it couldn’t hide her smile. Halfling weddings were huge occasions, so the entirety of Littlehill was watching them, watching their loveless marriage come to be. But it was perfect. His vows were memorized--he knew just what to say. “Dearest Donamira,” Milo began. “I never expected to be lucky enough to stand here with you.”

Well, it was true, Milo reflected, looking back on it. Milo had never expected or even wanted marriage. He had never experienced anything resembling romantic and sexual attraction. That was the usual basis for a marriage, especially within Halfling culture. It was an important rite that Milo had never wanted, and it had made him honestly feel like there was something wrong with him.

“I never would have expected to find someone as perfect for me as you. Yet here you are, preparing to be with me for eternity.”

Then came Donna. She was Milo’s first friend, and soon they’d become as close as brother and sister. They’d lived together for some time, and he’d been shocked to discover that Donna felt the same way he did about marriage. She, too, had never experienced the feelings that so many people considered fundamental. They’d joked many times that, should worse come to worst, they’d have to marry, since they were so close to it anyway. And fate had necessitated that option.

“Life has a way of throwing challenges in front of us, and I swear that I will be with you loyally through every last minute of it.”

Milo’s family, who had been none too kind to him for the entirety of his life, had insisted that he marry. There were guilt trips aplenty--Milo’s father had left very early on, and Milo’s mother liked to say that he was her last chance at a functional family. When that didn’t work, there was bribery. And then there were the threats. Milo’s mother had set an ultimatum--if he didn’t marry by the end of the year, she would find a wife, whether Milo liked it or not. After a few talks with Donna, she’d volunteered to make their partnership “official.” He’d be forever grateful to her for that, for saving him from a marriage based on lies and unmet needs.

“I will love and protect you for as long as we live and even in eternity.”

Donna was an incredible woman, and that’s why he counted himself lucky. Though the romantic aspect of marriage had never appealed to him, spending the rest of his life with Donna was a prospect that had its draws. He couldn’t think of any other person who would be better to spend the rest of his life with.

“I can’t wait to spend the rest of time with you. I love you.”  

Donna’s knowing smile through the vows made Milo grin, and he was so glad to be with someone who wouldn’t expect anything like sex or romance. She was the best friend he could ask for. Donna was even being married in the temple of a deity she didn’t worship, just so Milo could share his special day with Cyrrollalee. All so he’d be happy. Marriage wasn’t the best situation...but with Donna as his platonic wife, it was more than doable.

After Milo finished, Donna stepped forward, smiling at her future husband, ready to begin her vows. She took a deep breath--always the shy one--and started. “Milo, I have never met a man as wonderful as you.”

For Donna’s part, she loved thinking about just how the two of them had met. She’d been very sick, and because her mother had no knowledge of healing, they’d taken her to see Milo’s mother. Though Milo’s mother wasn’t the most caring, Milo, who’d been apprenticed to her, more than made up for it. He was young but knew quite a bit, and taught Donna along the way. No matter how bad it got, he was always by her side. By the time she was better, Donna could treat the disease she had, and she and Milo were inseparable.

“I was always afraid of marriage, but when I saw you, I knew I wouldn’t end up with anyone else.”

Donna’s mother, who she was very close to, had been deteriorating lately. Something was wrong with both her mind and body, and nothing seemed to take it away. However, Milo had figured out how to slow the disease’s progression, and give her mother a comfortable life in the meantime. Because of Milo, Donna’s mother was here to watch this perfect day. Of course, she knew that it was a sham as well--Donna told her mom everything--but she knew Donna was happy, and that made her happy. Donna couldn’t thank Milo enough for keeping her mother comfortable and well, giving her a few more precious years.

“I swear I will do everything in my power to make your life as wonderful as you’ve made mine, though I don’t think I’ll ever manage that.” Milo rolled his eyes, chuckling, eliciting an ‘awwww’ from the audience.

Donna didn’t know what she’d do without Milo. She often took life too seriously and was apt to stress herself into misery and tears. No matter what happened, Milo was there, ready to comfort her. He always knew what to say and how to make her smile or even laugh. Others would try to comfort her for hours and Milo could get it done in moments. That kept her going through countless hard times, through every single bit of adversity life had dealt her.

“I don’t know what my future holds, but as long as you’re a part of it, I’ll be the happiest woman alive.”

The future was nebulous for Donna--she loved so many things too much to devote herself to just one thing. Her profession was a mystery, but her loyalties weren’t. As strange as marrying someone who she didn’t love romantically was, she was sure of it, more sure than she’d been of anything before. It just was....right.

The ‘“I do’s” came and went, and then came the kiss. Their lips met, lingering for just a moment in a chaste kiss with all the appearance of romance.

Milo and Donna both were dreading the kiss. Donna had experimented with kissing before and had found that gender was irrelevant--it just wasn’t something she enjoyed. For his part, Milo had never kissed anyone, and had no desire to change that. But it was a traditional part of a wedding ceremony that the halflings had gladly adopted from humans, finding it sweet and romantic; thus, it was necessary. When their lips met, it was awkward beyond belief. No sparks flew, the world did not stop spinning. The world didn’t slow down. There were no romantic cliches to describe it. Both of them would later describe it as an awkward smashing of lips, despite the fact that Donna knew what she was doing. However, when they broke off, the thinly veiled look of disgust in both of their eyes caused the couple to barely suppress a fit of giggles. It was strange, that’s true.

But, oddly enough, neither could imagine anything more perfect.

[actutrends]

Crossing basketball borders with Mike Conley and Donovan Mitchell

What you are about to read is overwrought with sympathy, and it shouldn’t be — Mike Conley, Jr., after all, was once the highest-paid basketball player in all the land.

And yet, when Mike Conley, Jr. returned to Memphis earlier this season, I cried. I had not expected to cry, and I’m sure I wasn’t alone in this reaction. I could write more on how I’ve become uncontrollably sentimental as I’ve grown older — and maybe one day I will—but first, a tale that has very little to do with my emotions or even the point guard whose name I’ve mentioned as a trigger for sentiment.

The Utah Jazz had not been to the playoffs in four seasons. In regard to weather patterns, such an absence might be termed a drought. The franchise had come close the previous season, finishing ninth in the Western Conference standings, but, ultimately, they had proven themselves too young and too inconsistent to even be bullied by contenders after the regular season’s end. The 2016-17 season, however, was different. The team notched 51 wins and claimed the fifth seed. Not quite a contender they were at least present.

They were led by Gordon Hayward, a star whose ducktail riff of a haircut, college pedigree, and pale complexion aligned him ever so kindly (or cruelly) with the state’s wholesome heritage. Utah fans could easily transcribe him as the heir to Stockton and Malone. In the post, the team featured Rudy Gobert, a human being stretched to his limits. He was at the time already one of the game’s preeminent defensive forces. Rodney Hood and Derrick Favors were young and improving. Joe Johnson, George Hill, and Boris Diaw all brought proven pedigrees and playoff moxie. And Joe Ingles, a man old before his time, could shoot when called upon.

This Lego set of basketball acumen would win its first-round series against Blake Griffin and Chris Paul’s Los Angeles Clippers in seven games. So what if Griffin didn’t finish the series? This was still an up-and-coming team leapfrogging a perpetual contender in the hierarchy of all things that mattered. This was something to be excited about in the Beehive State, in that city beside the world’s eighth-largest saltwater lake.

The Jazz would go into the second round with high hopes for a miracle — they were, after all, matched up against a Golden State Warriors squad that included, for the first time, Kevin Durant in addition to the elegant Splash Brothers and mercurial forward Draymond Green. The Jazz would be swept, but the future remained bright so long as the young nucleus stayed together in the state that produced Roseanne Barr and the Sundance Film Festival.

The Jazz, however, could not keep the band together. George Hill wandered ever westward, landing in Sacramento for a time. Hayward, meanwhile, departed Salt Lake City, retreating back into the east — beyond his home state of Indiana and all the way to Boston — in order to join forces with his former college coach and a flat earth conspiracy theorist.

Utah’s young roster still included the likes of Gobert, Hood, Ingles, and Dante Exum. The cupboard was not left bare by any means, but the team had lost arguably its two best perimeter players. And Hayward, who had averaged nearly 25 points per game in that playoff series against Golden State, would be especially difficult to replace. (Hill only played one game in that series.) But Utah held an ace up its sleeve.

Precisely twenty days prior to Hayward’s departure, the organization drafted Donovan Mitchell out of Louisville, causing Brigham Young to yell once more for posterity’s sake, “This is the place!”

About Mitchell’s first two seasons in the league, Trevor Magnotti wrote the following:

He’s exceeded expectations in nearly every category in his first two years in the league. His first year was all smiles and rainbows, as Mitchell went from the 13th pick in the 2017 NBA Draft to scoring 20.5 points per game and leading a 48-win team in scoring. The presence of Ben Simmons kept him from winning Rookie of the Year, but only barely. In his second season, Mitchell struggled early on with efficiency, but post-All-Star break, he averaged 26.7 points, 4.5 rebounds, and 4.6 assists per game while posting a 58.1 true shooting percentage. In terms of future star indicators as a shooting guard, you’d be hard-pressed to find a better resume than Mitchell’s.

The body electric that is Donovan Mitchell personifies the Western myth. He stands just an inch over 6-feet, but he boasts a near 7-foot wingspan. Like a young cowboy lighting out for the territories, he fills space, and every offensive maneuver is a passage lifted from early on in Cormac McCarthy’s Border Trilogy:

They rode out along the fenceline and across the open pastureland . . . . like thieves newly loosed in that dark electric, like young thieves in a glowing orchard, loosely jacketed against the cold and ten thousand worlds for the choosing. (30)

In just his third season and still only 23, Mitchell’s career is still something of a lark, except that his competitiveness is hellbent on imbuing the world with his power. In other words, this is all serious fun as long as he remains undaunted and unabridged. He is already better than Gordon Hayward and that would make for a decent story, except life is never so easy and abrupt. The length of a career begs for longer arcs.

Photo by Jesse D. Garrabrant/NBAE via Getty Images

So far this has all had very little to do with Mike Conley, Jr. and everything to do with Mitchell’s outrunning Utah’s pastoral ghosts, subverting past legends and would-be heroes with the violent repertoire of a young offensive genius.

If Conley had been the focus, then this all would have had very little to do with Donovan Mitchell. That distance collapsed, however, on July 6, 2019. On that day, the Memphis Grizzlies traded the lone surviving member of its Grit ‘n Grind era to the Utah Jazz, and seeing as how the Grizzly point guard is 32, it is rather easy, in a nonsensical way, to paint the two players as being each other’s inverses.

Moreover, the bounce in Mitchell’s game is a testimony to playing unburdened — weightless even — although time and unmet expectations can eventually warp such perceptions for any athlete. Conley was not always the figurehead of a failed contender, and yet that’s how the basketball public has almost always known him. In all his star pairings, he has always been the less-heralded one at the start, and he has remained quick so as to stay one step ahead of despair.

He arrived on the national basketball landscape as part of a vaunted Ohio State recruiting class. The “Thad Five” included Othello Hunter, David Lighty, Daequan Cook, Greg Oden, and Conley. They were supposed to own college basketball, and they almost did. They lost in the national championship game to a Florida Gators team featuring Joakim Noah and Al Horford. Such runs are respectable, and basketball is full of teams at every level that dispersed too quickly. Oden, Conley, and Cook all entered the NBA draft following the loss to Florida. Oden and Conley would be picked first and fourth and sandwiched in between them were the likes of Kevin Durant and Al Horford. Oden’s career fell into ruin, and Conley became something of a survivor.

His longevity in a Memphis uniform along with his nice-guy charisma — his tragic persistence — have forever acted as tools for redeeming his teammates: Oden’s physical frailty, Zach Randolph’s immature behaviors, Tony Allen’s offensive limitations. As a salve for his team and his community, rightly or wrongly, Conley is often portrayed as the one who completes others. But fate has often fallen with too much force for a single point guard to bear.

He, too, has needed saving.

Conley spent his first twelve NBA seasons in Memphis. That means when he first suited up for the Grizzlies, George W. Bush was president and the word “hope” under Barack Obama’s likeness could be taken literally and without any derision or debate about what constitutes a progressive presidency. The Grizzlies reached the 2012-13 Western Conference Finals, but never went further. They traded Marc Gasol to the Toronto Raptors last February, leaving Conley alone to carry the load. By season’s end, with only a handful of games left on the schedule, Conley was a regular feature on the DNP list, wearing street clothes instead of a uniform.

There is a second protagonist in McCarthy’s Border Trilogy, and McCarthy puts him through hell. The character’s name is Billy Parham, and he will ultimately fail to save a wild wolf. He will fail to retrieve his family’s stolen horses. He will fail to return his brother’s body across the border from Mexico, and in The Crossing’s final scene, he weeps after failing to retrieve a stray dog that reminds him of the wolf he already lost. Conley is always smiling and nowhere near Parham’s nadir, but he is waiting on his first All-Star appearance.

Photo by Gary Dineen/NBAE via Getty Images

The year before Mitchell entered the league and outdueled Russell Westbrook in the playoffs, Conley carried the heaviest load of his career in terms of Win Shares (10.0) and played what is arguably the best season of his career. In his team’s 2016-17 first-round series against the San Antonio Spurs, he looked, at times, every bit as good as Kawhi Leonard. This was almost a year after he had signed that fat contract that, for a time, made him the game’s highest-paid player. And this was also after Grit ‘n Grind had already died many deaths. Conley was, if anything, not just a survivor but a resurrection artist, and that’s something Utah and Mitchell hope he’s still capable of doing.

Utah is currently the Western Conference’s sixth-best team. They came into the season hoping to contend with either Los Angeles franchise, the Denver Nuggets, and the Houston Rockets — and they still might.

So far, however, the offseason acquisitions of Mike Conley and Bogdan Bogdanovic have gifted Utah with only the 23rd best offense in the league. History in Utah begins with a tale about two Spanish missionaries so lost in the wilderness they had to eat their own horses to survive. A shoddy offense, featuring too many missed jump shots and perhaps too much isolation, can’t be that bad, but it also can’t be that good for traveling far into the playoffs.

If Conley fails to rediscover his shooting range, then there is at least something fitting about seeing him play out this portion of his career in those Nike City jerseys that consist of golden yellow and burnt crimson bands cascading over a wild canyon’s walls. Conley is, after all, much closer to the sunset than the sunrise.

He has played in over 800 NBA games. His hamstrings are tight. He can’t take naps; he has to chase the kids around when he’s not playing basketball. He’s not washed, but he can’t stay up as late as he once did. And that would all be okay and normal except playing in the NBA requires staying up late.

Mitchell is a younger man than Conley. He is an explosive scorer and exactly the type of player people dreamed of pairing with Conley back in Memphis. What a cruel blow from the basketball gods it is to have delivered Conley and Mitchell to one another at the precise moment in Conley’s career when his game has begun to leave him. Then again, there’s still enough game left in Conley to conjure hope in the wilderness, to permit letting them play out this string to some end that is fitting of their character.

No one wants to speak ill of Mike Conley. No one wants to speak ill of a man who is so liked and respected. But there is a time in an individual’s wanderings when telling the tale becomes truer than living it, and that is also the moment when one passes from a realm of substance into a realm of belief and despair. In the closing passages of McCarthy’s Cities of the Plain, which is his Border Trilogy’s last installment, Billy Parham “and the children would sit at the kitchen table and he’d tell them about horses and cattle and the old days” (290).

I did not cry when Memphis traveled to Utah on December 7, 2019. The Jazz won, and Mitchell scored 22 points. But the man who is currently in the best position to prevent Mitchell’s career from echoing his own did not play. Such silences in a Western can be badass, but they are also where the tough get lonely.

The post Crossing basketball borders with Mike Conley and Donovan Mitchell appeared first on Actu Trends.

[ossyuche]

Are Men Too Lonely? Are Women Too Judgmental? Yes!!

This article from Harpers Bazaar had my head spinning for a number of reasons.

“Women continue to bear the burden of men’s emotional lives, and why wouldn’t they? For generations, men have been taught to reject traits like gentleness and sensitivity, leaving them without the tools to deal with internalized anger and frustration.”

Yes, it’s true that men are, in general, less in touch with their emotions than women. At the same time, I think men are more sensitive than ever before. As a dating coach, it’s a big part of what women – like this author – are complaining about.

More importantly, why is it that a man acting vulnerable with his girlfriend is “a burden” but if a woman dumps everything on her boyfriend, it’s just part of his job description?

“I want a man who makes me feel safe, heard, understood. A man who makes me feel validated and powerful. A man who makes me feel connected. A man with whom I could be myself and know that I’m going to be loved unconditionally.”

Man says the same thing.

“Yeah, I don’t think so.”

I wrote about this in my second book, “Why You’re Still Single,” in a chapter called “Men Don’t Go Both Ways.” Basically, women want a man to be BOTH the Marlboro Man AND the Sensitive Artist simultaneously. If he acts too stoic, it’s frustrating that you don’t feel more emotionally connected to him. If he acts too vulnerable, it’s frustrating that he seems so weak. No matter what he does, he’s screwed.

This same double standard continues elsewhere in the article.

“As modern relationships continue to put pressure on “the one” to be The Only One (where men cast their wives and girlfriends to play best friend, lover, career advisor, stylist, social secretary, emotional cheerleader, mom—to him, their future kids, or both—and eventually, on-call therapist minus the $200/hour fee), this form of emotional gold-digging is not only detrimental to men, it’s exhausting an entire generation of women.”

Honestly, if either of the two genders was looking for a partner to “have it all,” couldn’t we agree that it’s women?

Are you pretty? Are you nice? Will you accept him and have sex with him sometimes?

Congratulations, you are capable of making 90% of men perfectly happy!

Congratulations, you are capable of making 90% of men perfectly happy!

Contrast that with my job, talking to women every day for 16 years and you’ll quickly realize that these cute, nice and accepting won’t get you anywhere with my clients.

“What does he do?”, “How much money does he make?”, “Who did he vote for?”, “Does he love animals?”, “Does he have any fashion sense?”, “Where did he go to college?”, “Does he believe in God?”; all of these come up quickly – and that’s before we ever get to the important questions of kindness, consistency, communication, character, and commitment.

This is not to suggest that the article doesn’t have anything valid to say. It does. It’s just a bit one-sided and overstated about the toxicity of an entire gender.

Here’s something that I largely agree with:

“Across the spectrum, women seem to be complaining about the same thing: While they read countless self-help books, listen to podcasts, seek out career advisors, turn to female friends for advice and support, or spend a small fortune on therapists to deal with old wounds and current problems, the men in their lives simply rely on them.”

Is the author correct that men are isolated, less likely to ask for help, and overly dependent on their relationship for emotional support?

Yes.

Does that negate all men as partners? I sure hope not.

I’ve written before about my own loneliness. It has been a project for years to find a group of friends that I can connect with regularly. The struggle is real.

My college friends are too far away and caught up with their young families.

My local friends are great guys who are similarly caught up in the cycle of work/family and don’t have the time to cultivate deeper relationships on a regular basis.

I tried a poker game. Some of the guys were just too douchey for me.

I checked out a local men’s group. Says one men’s group member in the linked article:

“In our culture, men have always found ways to be near each other, but it’s never been centered around feelings,” he explains. “Men are taught the remedy to heartbreak is to get drunk with your buddies, objectify women, and go out and get laid; to basically distance yourself from your feelings and channel them into an aggressive outlet. We use sports as an excuse to bump up against each other, so desperate we are for human touch and intimacy. But this kind of closeness is based in camaraderie and aggression, not vulnerability and trust. The former is very surface level and not nearly as satisfying as the latter.”

This is all partially true. But you know what happened at the men’s group I attended?

There was a silent meditation and tea. We spent four hours talking about shame.

It might have been the most depressing night I’ve ever spent with other men. For the men who have issues around shame, I appreciate that it may have been cathartic.

Me? I would much rather have gone to a steakhouse with two guy friends and talked about our wives, our kids, work, and fantasy football for four hours.

Hey, if you need therapy, get therapy. I think a lot of us just need some guy friends. It doesn’t have to be deep emotional work to fulfill an unmet need.

In other words, there’s masculinity and there’s toxic masculinity. Nobody’s endorsing the latter. But let’s not tarnish an entire gender as emotionally bereft just because men prefer to connect over beers instead of book clubs.

I’m not making apologies for the damaged narcissists who drain all your energy.

If a guy is broken then break up with him.

If a guy is a taker and doesn’t give a much in return, break up with him.

But if you’re dating a good guy who, for reasons beyond his control, has a hard time cultivating an active social life with other men, please cut him some slack.

You haven’t walked a mile in his shoes to know what it’s like.

And if you don’t want him to judge you for the drama surrounding you, your work, your girlfriends, your fellow soccer moms, your sister and your mother, perhaps you should reserve judgment when he doesn’t have anyone else to turn to except you.

Your thoughts, below, are greatly appreciated.

  The post Are Men Too Lonely? Are Women Too Judgmental? Yes!! appeared first on Dating Coach – Evan Marc Katz | Understand Men. Find Love..

Related posts:

I’m a Little Lonely. Most Men Are REALLY Lonely.

Why Women Should Make Men Wait For Sex — Part II

The Blind Spot In Rori Raye’s Circular Dating

Original source: https://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/understanding-men/are-men-too-lonely-are-women-too-judgmental-yes

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