#this just in: big stupid demon man is a giant BABY | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

jpeg-indulgence · 14 days ago

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Celebrating rn...

Do you have any songs that you relate to you and Vergil? Do you have any date ideas that you think he'd specifically do for your sake alone? What's your favorite headcanon(s) about him? Do you have a ship dynamic that you consider the two of you to have? Can't wait to hear 🎉

- @brutally-loving

HEHEHEHE OKAY HERE WE GO ��

1) There are a few, and a lot of them are kinda bittersweet sounding because I guess that's just the aesthetic we have. Depressioncore. (Don't worry I'm doing fine I just like slower sounding songs)

Me and My Husband by Mitski is a big one. I actually have a vent comic thing I made a bit ago that I'm going to reblog right after this since I have more followers now and I'm proud of it. It just gives the whole "I may be stupid but I got myself a big sword man and that's gotta count for something."

Eyes Blue Like the Atlantic by Sista Prod is one of the more aesthetic ones. It's slower and softer, but hints at deeper feelings, which fits our dynamic really well. More on that later. (Also we both have blue eyes and it's a duet so you knowww)

I have so many but I'm going to keep it short and finish with THE quintessential Jpeg and Vergil song which is HEAR ME OUT

Perfect Girl by Mareux

Okay. So. This is the song that I was listening to on repeat when I realized that oh no I was really in love with this fictional man.

There's a lot more backstory but it's kinda personal so I won't dig too deep, but the main point is that not only is the aesthetic of the song OUR AESTHETIC AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED, the lyrics actually really convey really well what it was like to slowly realize how deep the whole attraction thing went. It felt like a slow burn. Nngngnorwk I love it so much it's such a good song. Kind of awkward because most of the other yumeshippers songs are usually wholesome love song ballad things and mine is mf Mareux. I haven't actually done those "our aesthetic" yume templates because I don't know how I'd explain that. 😭

2) I think HONESTLY he'd be forced to pick up gaming. When it comes to going out for dates sure yeah I'll do whatever but sooner or later Vergil knows one of these days I'm going to ask if we can stay home whilst picking up the controllers for some super smash bros and the poor man is going to have to randomly jam buttons if he hopes to survive.

At some point I'd feel bad for him and start faking my losses in hopes he wouldn't notice (he would) or just suggest a card game after like the fourth round of him nearly cutting the tv in half out of pure rage.

On the other hand, knowing him, it would probably bother him so much he wouldn't do much else except train to get better at the game until he started demolishing me at it. Then I'd be the one rage quitting. Poetic justice.

Also I main him in MVC3 so he'd essentially be getting beaten repeatedly by himself which would probably drive him insane.

SORRY I RAMBLED THIS IDEA IS JUST SO CUTE TO ME 💙💙💙

3) There's a few, a couple of them being:

According to his voice actor, he'd actually be a good dad. He's naturally very protective and would probably be an almost helicopter parent and the idea of this big tough warrior man who can cut apart a giant demon by simply flicking his wrist running around and attempting to look after a baby is so adorable to meee.

There are so many jokes about him being a boomer who struggles with technology and I love the idea of walking in and realizing that he's been attempting to figure out how to attach an image to an email for the last hour.

There was a YouTube video where he tries ice cream for the first time since childhood and gets hooked on mint chocolate chip. This is canon to me.

youtube

4) So AS FAR AS SHIP DYNAMICS GO, this is actually kind of oddly embarrassing because when I first fell for the guy I was like "why him lol we have nothing in common" only to slowly realize, wait, no, we have waaaay too much in common and my heart just figured it out faster. Props to what is probably undiagnosed autism in the disguise of hormones.

We both are very similar in terms of how we would show affection, since we are both extremely introverted and struggle with physical touch, so I'd reckon in the beginning we'd both feel like we HAD to constantly express feelings, or hug and kiss, but after realizing we both struggled to do so, relaxed more and let it happen naturally.

We'd probably both not express too much outwardly, since we struggle with words, but pick up on patterns and demeanors the other one did when trying to.

Same thing with physical touch. We might not hug and kiss all the time, but we would when we both felt comfortable and loved, which would make it all the more special.

OKAY THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR LETTING ME RAMBLE THIS HAS BEEN SO FUN FOR ME I CAN'T THANK YOU ENOUGH!!!!! 💙💙💙

#self ship #self shipping #f/o community #f/o #self ship community #self shipping community #fictoromantic #fictophilia #fictosexual #non sharing yume #🐱 kenny keep scrolling

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starjane312 · 2 years ago

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Kit Tanthalos x OC

Big Masterlist

Masterlist

Chapter 13

We’re Basically in the Middle of nowhere. Kit starts Walking next to me.

K: Jane ? Can we talk ?

J: Not in the mood.

I ignore her.

E: You Ok ?

W: Uh, just need to Rest. Then we resume your Training. You’ve still got a long way to go.

E: Maybe if I had the Wand …

Suddenly Graydon falls to the Ground.

E: Wait Graydon's Hurt !

Willow lifts his Collar and there is a Golden glowing spot.

J: Shit.

G: Bad Magic.

E: We have to get him to shelter ! Something !

B: Yeah ! And what do you Suggest, Huh ! We’re right in the Middle of… I don’t even know where in the Middle of !

J: Moon.

Moon walks to Graydon and Kneels down. Me and Boorman help him up. I point my Finger at Graydon.

J: If you hurt him, I’ll kill you. Doesn’t matter that you’re Possessed.

He nods.

W: I know where we are.

He walks to a few Rocks and Looks beyond them. I walk there too. It's a Castle.

W: Nockmaar.

The Giant cloud is Swirling Right over it.

J: You’ve got to be Kidding me. Ok, let's go.

I walk forward. Moon right beside me. The others behind me. Willow falls to the Ground. Kit helps him up.

W: We can’t go in. Don't you see ? This is what she wants.

E: We have to get Graydon inside or he'll Die.

B: And he’s not the only one.

J: There’s nothing around here for Leagues.

W: This fortress was the Stronghold of the Most Brutal tyrant of her Age, Bavmorda.

B: Yeah. Or as Kit calls her Grandma.

I give him a Piercing side Glare. When we are inside we help Graydon off of Moon. Who then shakes the water out of his Mane. The others Chain Graydon to the Floor. Me and Jade start a fire and soon we’re all dry. Boorman closes the Chain around Graydon’s Wrists with a Hot Iron pickle.

B: Sorry about this Pal.

G: What do you think she used these for ?

B: Bavmorda knew how to Romp. Legendary Parties. Three four days in a Row. All kinds of weird shit.

G: How do I look ?

E: Like a Vermathrax at a vestal faire.

G: What ?

E: It was …

J: No it was a really good Joke.

B: Next time leave the levity to me.

Graydon coughs and vomits on the Floor.

J: Ah, Lovely.

G: What happened to Ballantine and Marrick is gonna happen to me.

Boorman gets up.

G: And you guys are gonna have to stop me before I …

Thunderclaps and I flinch. Elora gets up.

E: What … What was Ballentine gonna do to me ?

W: What Bavmorda started when you were a Baby.

G: The Ritual of the Thirteenth Night. Banishing your Soul to a Realm of perpetual suffering. Only the Combined strength of Willow and Raziel, the two most Powerful sorcerers of all time, was able to stop it. In the end using the Fibonacci Hex, if I’m not wrong ?

Willow hums.

J: Willow obliterated Bavmorda, rescued Elora Danan, You and Saved the World.

Everyone looks at me.

J: What ? He’s not the only one that Reads.

B: Wow. And then What’d you do ?

W: We all went out and got pissed.

Graydon vomits again.

K: And that thing you did at the Slaughtered Lamb could you …

W: Blast his insides out ? A few moments of the Most excruciating pain ever endured. Probably followed by Death.

J: Maybe not that great of an Idea.

G: The way you’re talking. Sounds like you're starting to like me.

J: Don’t lose your head over it Twinkle Toes.

I smile at him.

K: This is all your fault.

She looks at Boorman.

B: Sorry, how’d you figure that ?

K: You send us on a wild goose chase to find some stupid artefact. And it doesn’t even exist. And now we’re trapped in some cursed castle and Aryk is still half a world away …

B: Right Aryk your brother. And meanwhile your ex-fiancé Grayoncé there, is being Ravaged by a 300-year old demon.

By the word Ex- Fiancé my grip on my Dagger Tightens.

G: Come on man. Don’t say Ravaged.

B: Sorry bud.

We are Waiting. I don't know for what but it’s Boring. I’m sharpening my Axe. While Jade cooks something. Boorman holds a plate in front of me.

J: Not hungry but thank you.

Graydon lays coughing on the Floor.

Ja: How long does he have ? Before it takes hold ?

W: Not long. Sometime in the small hours of the Night he’ll lose control.

I look at my Axe.

K: I mean we all know it has to be done. What was the last thing that Ballentine asked you to do ?

I look at Jade.

Ja: Kill him. He’s the Prince of Galladoorn Kit. We’d be at war

K: Hastur knew. Right ? We all knew that he never should’ve come. And If I have to decide between saving Aryk and waiting for Graydon to turn into some kinda Monster …

I sigh.

G: Kit’s right. I’ve had some experience with this before and I know I’m not strong enough to stop it. I don’t wanna hurt you guys. But I will.

E: If her Highness is in such a hurry to see it done she ought to do it herself.

K: Oh you don’t think I will ?

B: Uh I don’t. Killing someone who isn’t trying to kill you back, it’s not an easy thing to do.

I look down at my Axe. If it comes to it, I would do it.

E: Please you’re the greatest sorcerer alive. You obliterated Bavmorda.

J: There must be something you can do.

W: When she was young, your Age. Bavmorda was bright, curious, full of Promise. She was abducted by Members of a long-forgotten sect. The Order of the Wyrm. The crone radicalised her, converting her with their warped beliefs and gifting her with unnatural powers.

Ja: What kind of powers ?

W: Well for example she once changed the entire Galladoorn army into Pigs.

J: Hm, lovely.

W: Raziel and I, Eventually, changed them all back. It was chaos Pigs everywhere.

B: Sorry, All of them ?

W: Huh ?

B: You … You turned all of the Pigs back into people ?

W: Think so.

I nod. Boorman spits out the rest of his food.

J: So glad I didn’t eat.

W: The point is, the order of the Wyrm practised Taboo magic, against Nature. If a rite exists that can extract that Kind of evil. I think I know where we’d find it.

We all follow Willow into a room. He gets out a Book and lays it on a Table.

W: The Malatrium. Bound in the skin of a satyr.

K: Gross.

#kit tanthalos #kit tanthalos x reader #kit tanthalos x oc #willow #jade claymore #aryk tanthalos #elora danan #thraxus boorman #graydon hastur

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voidsentprinces · 2 years ago

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I continue poorly explain ffxiv

Welcome back to Final Fantasy XIV or as I like to call it Fantasia Character Rotissiere. Last time we fought secondary dragon satan who possessed the unwashed elf boy that is Estinyan. Saved our baby boy’s sister from being assassinated by Identity Fraud and his gang of back up dancers and watched our one true boy Papalymo sacrifice himself to stop another calamity. So naturally Spike from Buffy the Vampire shows up and convinces us to activate an alien super weapon to break our boy’s sealing spell and we’re like SIGN US THE FUCK UP! So naturally after that happens a new war begins between the Eorzean Alliance and the Garlic Jr. Empire cause Garlic died last time and there was a civil war but we didn’t see it. All you need to know is Blond Alan Rickman is now the Emperor and his right hand man is...still probably on those floating islands safe and sound and is still very much alive because I unlocked Aurum Vale for roulette and I am unlocking nothing else that is essential to progress that isn’t MSQ. Where was I? Oh yes, Ala Mhigo which lies somewhere between the Red Wood Forest and Death Valley. Whose people are subjigated by the Garlic Empire. The time has come to free them and by free them I mean get told off by the local populace fight an angry scottish woman and then get one shot by Rocky from the Horror Picture show if he was ten feet tall and carried a golf bag of SWORDS! So many swords he probably swipes left if you’re not at least metallic and SHARP! But enough about that, Al Pacino has the bright idea that in order to free Ala Mhigo we first must free Doma who is under the same rule as Ala Mhigo working with the same exact problems Ala Mhigo does but I am sure this will turn out just find. So after black mailing Captain Elf Sparrow, we send Al Pacino where he belongs. Into a ghost graveyard and we leave his ass there because now its time to arrive at Kugane, where we’ll attempt to climb a tower for five minutes, get pissed by invisible collision boxes, log out and swear we’ll never play this stupid fucking game ever again. But the game knows you’ll be back, YOU’LL BE BACK! So we start up Genshin Imp--hahaha fuck no, log the fuck back in we got a catfish to punch, an old samurai to save, and the lost Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle to save all while running away from the POLICE! And what better way to evade arrest than to flee the fucking country so out into the Ruby Sea we go, which is controlled by the Confederacy. Don’t worry its not the racist one its the pirating one. But I hope you like swimming because you’ll be doggy paddling back and forth between these small islands for about 2 hours before we are hooked up with DIVING! So come visit the Ruby Sea. We got manta rays, grotesque demon walruses, an armored turtle with a giant fuck off sword and getting STEPPED ON by an angry woman who I am 20% spends half her scene time smoking opium. Don’t worry though despite the Garlic Empire being a big problem they’re not so much a big problem that you and the Scooby Gang can’t handle them. In fact we can handle them so well we only get our asses kicked by the giant top heavy Ken doll ONE more time before we’re allowed into the LIZARD KINGDOM. Where reptiles roam the earth and every single one of them want to kill you. So like Heracles we have to do a bunch of tasks to win their trusts like breaking into their sacred holy ground and stealing their parrow, picking unwater sea kress, and talking to Sadu Dotharl the baddest motherfucker this side of the Hildibrand questline. Seriously if you ever wished you could be a crater on the ground, this woman will GRANT THAT FUCKING WISH! Sorry where was I. Oh yeah, after descrating their holy ground we are invited to a blood contest to choose their next leader so naturally falls to you and your first decree is maybe show up to class when the Garlics are ready to rumble. Cause if you don’t well...this entire trip was completely utterly useless. Lets just blow up the castle and call it a day--actually we kind really do just blow up the castle in the process of freeing Doma. Who knew the only thing you needed to do to win a revolutionary war was raise up an army of dragon people and causing FLOOD DAMAGE to the Historical District. Don’t think too much about it because now that we’ve TOTALLY freed Doma from the iron fist of the Garlics its time to go back to Ala Mhigo...despite there...still be an entire empire out there that will definitely reinforce their lost territory but don’t worry about it. They don’t seem the type to just level an entire territory on at the slightest scent of revolution anywhere else...right? Anyway after crossing the sea and remember Alphinaud exists, we return to Ala Mhigo with none of the Doman army to back us up and we...actually do very well. We run into Braveheart again but its alright she just pisses off the snake people and summons a GIANT WOMAN TO ENSLAVE US WHEN WE SLEEP! So after knocking that one out of the park. Rock the Ken Doll arrives and decides he likes us blowing up buildings so much he’s going to give Fordola a cannon. And blow us to kingdom come...and thus ends our life in Final Fantasy XI--I am fucking kidding Estinien comes back and ONE SHOTS A FUCKING CANNON! If you think that sounds dumb, it isn’t it is the most awesome thing ever. Imagine watching a War Documentary where after the battle of Gettsyberg, the ghost of George Washington juiced up on the blood of Satan got into fist fight with a tank and WON! It is EXACTLY as awesome as I just described and will be taking no criticism at this time because after a wardrobe change for Yda definitely Yda, she is definitely Yda don’t worry about it she would Lyse to you now would she? We go to the Lochs. Where we take in the sights, get caught by border patrol, beat the Guinness World Record for longest breath ever held, listen to a soldier talk about getting the BEST head ever before killing him and his comrades and facing off against a woman I am surprise isn’t wearing 20 belts and using some healing crystals to give her a migraine. All in the name of saving Krile who will DEFINITELY give us black mail material so we can hold Alphinaud hostage. Sorry, I meant we’re going with Alphinaud to fight a bunch of Samurai wolves and if you think that sounds awesome, you’re kind of fucking right. After punching them so hard PETA is probably going to ram a jeep into my front room, we kick open the door, fight through the streets of another castle and whoa would you look at that Doma finally shows up to give us aerial support...like...at the last fucking minute seriously we re-capture 99.9% and Doma comes in acting like its 0.01% is going to get us the A+ on the project. Anyway, all you really need to know is Ken turned into a DRAGON and we fight on a convinently placed platform in the sky before he kills himself and we play the National Anthem....seriously what the fuck did I just pl

#{ I am running off 2 hours of sleep }#{ good night }

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quite-actually-a-nacho · 3 months ago

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Tomorrow Girl, the same girl we saw in a childlike dress with stockings who cried in the hallway after being punished for being late, is saying “That SJW weirdo” I’m loving the character consistency between writers

WORST most obvious typo ever, lack of shading on an entire arm

emphasis on her ass cheeks the second she sits down

(sticks out butt as far as possible, breaking back) NOT THE CHURCH TOWER

Veritas Man too weak to lift rubble, later on able to absolutely tear apart and drag around a massive demon creature half as big as the church

“WE HAVE TO STOP THIS PAGAN CHILD SACRIFICE”

Veritas Man complains that it will take him time to run back to the church, two short pages later comes blazing in on a motorcycle and smashes the demon’s eyeballs out, I guess time wasn’t a problem after all so we don’t need to care

obligatory upskirt shot of 16 year old girl superhero

VERITAS MAN GOT HIS OWN NAME WRONG?!? W ISN’T EVEN NEAR THE V

comical image of evil woman solemnly stuffing dead babies into a sack

more brutal violence comparable to Mortal Kombat

Tomorrow Girl’s x ray vision can see through SEVERAL buildings, into a single room, close enough to read a BOOK from the inside out. not only that, she’s able to see exactly the information she needs in a matter of seconds

WE CAN DESTROY THIS PAGAN DEMON THROUGH THE POWER OF GROUP PRAYER!

Veritas Man yanks demon through the entire church and Tomorrow Girl just yells “Men!!” naturally Veritas Man isn’t strong because he’s a literal superhero, it’s because he’s a man

the stupid idea Tomorrow Girl suggests that she’ll grab workers to make the entrance of the church bigger, which would mean exposing regular citizens to a still volatile, giant demon and a destroyed building falling apart

INCREDIBLE amount of violence in the shot of the evil woman dying, literally being shown scalped and her body then in a crumpled pile with broken bike metal. very Christianly to want to depict a “pagan” character getting brutally killed in your comic

most of the dialogue in this whole issue was “Oh, my god!” (plus accidental typo)

you ever get just one sentence into something and already know it's written by some kind of idiot psycho?

Tomorrow Girl #3 (2023)

#bad comic art #best comic ever yay

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zonerobotnik · 10 months ago

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Who's the strongest, Bill Cipher, Zhan Tiri, The Collector, Pariah Dark or Sera?

And if you start with your stupid fucking headcanons instead of canon on screen material, you are no longer allowed to write or draw anything in those fandoms!

First of all, fuck you if you think you can actually stop me. I will write what I want when I want and you can scream at me until you explode but you can't stop me. I can just shut you up by turning off Anon.

But, I will indulge your rude demand. Hm….let's see…

Bill Cipher: His origins are currently unknown, however an "Ask Cipher" thing awhile back run by the show's creator heavily implied he came from a world like "Flatland" by Edwin Abbott Abbott. How he become to be so powerful is unknown. He has the appearance of a giant 2D triangle with golden-yellow bricks. He has one large eye with big lashes and black arms, legs, hat, bowtie and cane. He's powerful enough to destroy galaxies and eats planets for a snack. He's older than the Milky Way at least and can go into the dreams of anyone that doesn't take precautions against him. He rules over an entire realm called the "Nightmare Realm" and a powerful being named "Time Baby", who he later destroyed after getting out, sealed him and his followers inside of his realm, but he was still able to influence things going on outside of it. He shapeshifts into various types of triangle forms on-screen and possesses anyone foolish enough to make a Deal with him that lets him into their mind and is able to see into the past, present and future, though that last one is changing so constantly it's difficult to know if what he sees is what will happen. He manipulated various people over various generations and areas of the world until he finally had a portal built that he could escape through and then he took over the town he came out in, completely transforming it and its inhabitants to his liking, but was stopped by a powerful supernatural barrier on the other side that kept him in that town. He was finally defeated by a conman that took advantage of his eagerness to win to trick him into making a Deal with the wrong guy to get that barrier dropped, being destroyed along with the man's own mind, but still may be around due to a prior arrangement he made with a being more powerful than him called "The Axolotl". His body is an indestructible statue in Gravity Falls' woods, perhaps the fact it can't be destroyed is a sign of his eventual return? With "The Book of Bill" coming out soon, I suspect we'll get more information on this particular specimen.

Zhan Tiri: Her origins are unknown but she seems to have been human at some point and wanted power to be as strong as a god. Aside from a giant demonic form of a black squid standing on its tentacles with human arms and the head of a ram, she has the appearance of a gray-skinned woman dressed in purple Victorian-style clothes with purple hair. She has the ability to shapeshift into her demonic form, her human form and supposedly she can change into a blizzard, but that particular part seems to have been confused in writing because the legend says she sent the blizzard, not that she became it. In fact, there are a lot of statements made in earlier seasons that season 3 completely contradicts, so that's corrupted evidence. She has at least three followers seen on-screen with several more in the comics, though we only see two fully in the comics with several others being eyes in the darkness. She was sealed away into another realm that weakened her significantly so that she was trapped in the form of a human, which is why it was believed that she was originally a human being. She escaped by tricking various people into using the clashing of the powers of the Sun and Moon to free her and then was defeated by that same power when she made the mistake of putting the magic stones on her wrists that were later slammed together after her brief victory, destroying her. There is no indication that she will ever return. There is no indication that any further data is forthcoming.

The Collector: Part of a race of powerful beings from another world, he was the odd one out and instead of wanting to simply observe and collect, he wanted to indulge and closely interact. He was tricked into leading the others to his new friends, the powerful Titans, so they could wipe them out and then was sealed away by the only survivor that blamed him for the deaths of his people. He has the appearance of a white-haired little boy dressed in purple, blue and white space-themed pajamas. While sealed away he was able to interact with certain people by creating a shadow of himself but shows no sign of having that ability once unsealed and can transform a portion of the area he is currently in into his playground and turn people into dolls as well as fly around with ease. He has no "Followers", persay, but there is a group of people that completely misunderstand him and want to finish the work he did by wiping out the Titans completely. He was tricked into helping Emperor Belos with wiping out all the Witches, in return he would be set free. when Belos betrayed him, he talked the only living Titan, the child of the one that sealed him, into setting him free, where he proceeded to attack Belos and then took over the area. After his defeat, he turned over a new leaf and began a new life with new friends and no longer having to pretend to be mean to get people to like him. There is no indication that any further data is forthcoming.

Pariah Dark: Origin, unknown. Former King of the Ghost Zone. He has the appearance of a giant Viking in a suit of armor with green hair but black facial hair. He was sealed away for being a tyrant by powerful entities called "The Ancient Ones" and was later freed by "Vlad Plasmius" and defeated by "Danny Phantom". He commands an army of the dead, can shift his size at will and is a powerful fighter, made stronger by the Crown of Fire and Ring of Rage. He briefly took over the town of "Amity Park" while searching for his stolen Ring of Rage, pulling the town into the Ghost Zone to have complete power over it. He was resealed by "Danny Phantom" and, as far as I know, has never escaped since. I still need to read "A Glitch in Time". There is no indication that any further data is forthcoming.

Sera: Origin unknown. She has the appearance of a woman dressed in white and gray with dark-brown skin and long, curly gray hair and white, feathered wings and a glowing, white halo. Among others, she is said to have created the world and humans. Her own individual power is unknown. She can fly. She leads Heaven with "Emily", another Seraph, as well as others. Insufficient data to proceed. More data will hopefully be forthcoming in Season 2.

Who is the strongest, based on this data… As of this collection of data, Bill Cipher seems to be the strongest. Further studies will have to be done to determine who truly is the strongest.

#ask zone stuff

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casspurrjoybell-27 · 1 year ago

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Claimed by the Beast - Chapter 10b

*Warning Adult Content*

Feed the Demons - Part 2

- Knox -

Knox leaves before he says the wrong thing again and Everett convinces him to stay.

Long forgotten memories with Scar bubble toward the surface of Knox's mind as he marches to the main room.

The guy was a good fuck, very nice to look at and had a wicked sense of humor but if what Finn said is true, then none of that gives him a pass for crossing the line with Everett.

Knox doesn't have the patience or time for petty games from past fuck buddies with a jealousy trait and if Scar has a problem with that, then he can consider this his last visit to the clubhouse.

"Come with me."

Knox makes eye contact with Finn and Scar after entering the main room.

They follow him without asking questions and Knox stops in a deserted hallway nearby.

"From each of you, I want to hear what happened."

"What happened with what?" Scar asks, leaning back against the wall and looking bored.

Finn nudges him hard in the side, glaring at him.

"Oh. You mean what happened with the baby earlier? I don't fucking know. One minute he was fine, then the next he wasn't. For the record, I didn't do shit."

"Liar. Everything was cool until you showed up," Finn mutters, retelling the whole story from start to finish. "And then he started shaking and crying and shit. I didn't know what to do, so I held him until you eventually showed up."

"Maybe the kid doesn't do well when in confrontational situations," Scar adds.

"He didn't start freaking out until after Finn got in my face. As if I wouldn't snap his ass in two."

Scar rolls his eyes when Finn whispers something threatening under his breath.

"If anything, it's Finn's fault, not mine."

Knox was tempted to slap sense into them both but he maintains his composure instead, just barely.

"From now on, you're to act like Everett doesn't exist," Knox says, looking directly at Scar. "What you and I had is in the past. Everett is mine now. I claimed him. Therefore, his problems are now my problems and you already know how I feel about having to stop and deal with stupid shit like this, so kill the fucking games. I won't warn you a second time."

Scar smiles at the threat, stepping forward to place his palms on Knox's bare chest.

He licks his lips before whispering in a sensual tone.

"I'm sorry, big daddy. I didn't mean to upset your new pet."

He lowers one hand down Knox's body, daring to taunt the angry giant.

"I'll do anything to earn your forgiveness..."

"Did you not hear a word I just said?" Knox snaps, gripping Scar by the neck and slamming him hard against the wall.

"Keep testing me, Lucas. Keep fucking trying me and I swear to God..."

"Hey, man. If you're gonna kill him, maybe uh... do it someplace other than the hallway where anyone can see?" Finn cautiously intervenes and it's then that Knox notices Scar's face is now blue. "Come on, bro. What if your boy walks by and sees this?"

Knox releases Scar, taking several steps back.

"Get the fuck out of here."

The man scurries off without another smart remark, coughing and gasping for air.

Knox redirects his attention back to Finn, making him stand tall despite the immense amount of fear glowing in his eyes.

"You need to be more careful around Everett," Knox says in a lighter tone. "I still don't know which of you set him off but you starting fights with people in front of him isn't helping shit either. The last time he saw you like that, he ended up covered in blood and holding Shaun's dead body. See where I'm going with this?"

Finn nods, looking apologetic.

"Is he doing any better?"

"He's fine now."

"So, uh, are you officially off the market now?"

Knox makes a face.

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"

"I'm just saying..." Finn shrugs, smirking mischievously. "You took everyone by surprise when you claimed the kid and now you almost killed Scar for potentially triggering him into a panic attack. Seems like you two have gotten pretty close..."I wish you fuckers would stop saying that and learn to mind your own damn business for once."

Knox stomps off, ignoring Finn's fading laughter.

When he makes it back to his bedroom, he finds Everett nestled underneath the covers watching a movie.

He glances at the screen where a couple is holding hands and walking through a park, an upbeat pop song playing in the background.

Knox immediately laughs.

"Is this...?"

"Yes, it's a romcom."

Everett rolls his eyes.

He turns the covers down on the bed and pats the empty spot beside him.

"Get in and keep quiet."

Knox kicks off his jeans and happily obliges.

"Is this what we're doing for the rest of the night? Sitting through hours of cringe and cliche fairy-tales?"

"Shutting your brain off and watching a feel-good movie where you pretend to be the main character sounds like a great time to me, Mr. Debbie Downer," Everett says, keeping his eyes on the screen. "Do you have something better to do?"

Knox smirks, stealing a peek at Everett's beautiful profile.

Even if he did have something better to do, Knox wouldn't choose it over the moment that's happening now.

"I'm all yours, kitten," Knox says, getting comfortable. "Now, what's this sappy ass movie about?"

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shurisneakers · 4 years ago

Text

harmless (viii)

Summary: Bucky volunteers to go stop a small time villain, but nothing can prepare him for what exactly he has to deal with. (Bucky x villain!reader, drabble series)

Warnings: cursing, protesting, frustrated bucky, dramatic reader, gamer (derogatory), smidge of angst

Word count: 3.5k

A/N: listen idk what goes on at construction site and im too sexy to research so we’re going with my version of the world. hello. how are we all doing?

here’s my ko-fi if you’d like to support my writing <333

Previous Part || Series Masterlist

He doesn’t expect to see you on TV.

In jail maybe, for something scandalous and completely unnecessary, but not TV.

But there you are, a sign board waving around furiously in your hand, voice in protest against the demolition of the community centre. You’re flipping the board back and forth to alternate between the messages you’ve scrawled on the cardboard.

You were among a few protesting, but clearly the loudest.

He thinks that maybe he has the weekend off if you’re too busy fighting big corporations. He’d send his support even.

Until he zeroes in on the sign when it flips over, finally reading what it says.

You better get your ass here, sarge

And so he does.

Half the crowd had dipped by the time he arrived. You were there, still the loudest, but he couldn’t help but notice the lack of people as compared to an hour or two ago on TV. He supposed that justice could wait as long as it took to get lunch from the nearest café.

“I can’t stop you from protesting, y’know.” He’s a little wary of approaching your raging self.

“Oh, hey Barnes. You got my message.” You break away for a second to scream a bunch of obscenities at the gigantic glass building before turning to him. “You wouldn’t be able to.”

“What’s your dumb plan then?”

“First of all, it’s not dumb. It’s stupid. Put some respect on my technological genius.” You held up a finger. “Second of all, it’s not here.”

“Where is it?”

“At the construction site.” You point down the road. “Come on.”

Right along the way you stop to chant another slogan. He waves his arm around meekly in support. He did, after all, have to stand up for what was right, but if his publicist saw him here she’d have an aneurysm.

The construction site isn’t very far off. It’s adjacent to the community centre, which he assumes they’re going to tear down to make more space for whatever shitty commercial building was going to take its place.

There are already a few excavators and dozers there but no one to man them since it was lunch time. What garners his attention is the small silver plate that’s on the floor a few feet ahead in the direction you’re walking towards.

“Here.” You stop once it nears. “The plan.”

“Am I supposed to know what this is?” He lightly kicked at it, earning a smack on the arm from you.

“Stop that,” you scolded, “and look at it. It’s not hard to figure out.”

He narrows his eyes. There’s a small u-shaped piece of metal in the middle of the plate. “That’s a magnet.”

“Exactly.” You clapped your hands together in excitement. “The world’s strongest electromagnet.”

He looks around. The only possibly magnetic things are the cranes and excavators around him.

“You’re going to... stop the machines from moving ahead?” he hesitates in his deduction.

“Yep. Can’t tear anything down if they can’t get to it first.”

Bucky looks down.

“Does this thing even work?” He toes at it again. “It’s kinda small.”

“It works beautifully, stop kicking at it, you demon-”

“What happens if I step on it, huh?” He knows this would get on your nerves wonderfully. He raises his leg. “Do I get to go home for the day?”

“You’re such a little shit,” you whine, reaching for your back pocket. “Stop bullying my invention.”

“’m gonna squish it like a bug.” He’s only half kidding about that part. “I’m gonna-”

Before he can finish his sentence something yanks him down hard. His head nearly hits the ground before his right arm shoots out to break his fall.

"Woah there, don't go falling for me as yet.”

“What the fu-” he begins, eyes locking on his metal arm that was pressed flat against the earth.

“I told you it works,” you say smugly. “Try crushing it now, Barnes. If you can even get off the floor.”

He tugs his hand but it’s firmly attached to the thing. No matter how or where he’s applying the effort, his limb refuses to move. He’s stuck.

“Turn it off,” he sighs. “You made your point.”

“No. Stay there.”

“Y/N, shut up and turn this off,” he groans, trying to find a better position rather than chin down on the ground.

“Lay there and rot. You deserve it for underestimating me.” You huff.

“I wasn’t underestimating you, Jesus Christ.” He really was planning to just step on it, but he had complete faith that it worked.

When he doesn’t receive a reply, his gaze follows yours. Suddenly the crane looks a lot closer than it initially did. Awesome.

“Those are moving towards me.” He picks up on the low groan and creak of metal.

“Yeah, they are.” You nod, one hand on your hip, watching them.

He didn’t think that getting crushed under construction equipment would be how his day went.

“Not my problem,” you decide finally after a bout of silence.

Now that simply wouldn’t do.

Death was definitely a problem, but what was more important was that he was going to get a dust allergy from the mud. He could already feel the blocked nose and temperature incoming.

“Are you really going to waste this on me? Don’t you have a demolition to stop?” He manages to twist his body so that he’s lying on his back.

“Good point,” you squint into the distance at the whirring of the heavy machinery. Their owners wouldn’t be happy to find them missing from their original spot. “But I still can’t help you out.”

“You’re willing to sacrifice your-”

“I can’t help you out because I don’t have an off switch. Yet,” you add the last part in a hurry.

“Then when the fuck were you planning to build one?” He sits up, leaning on his elbow. The cranes weren’t a mini object on the horizon now; the closer they got, the faster they were starting to move towards him.

“I don’t know, after they agreed not to take down the building?”

He could just detach his arm and come back for it later he but had no guarantee that you would stop here for the day or that the vibranium could withstand all that pressure.

“You better make a switch right now and get me out of this, I don’t care how.”

“Yeah, yeah,” you grumbled, bending to assess how badly he was stuck. “You know, this thing runs really deep into the earth. It’d take forever to dig back up and then get you back to my lab and then build a switch.”

“How long?” He didn’t have a lot of time, clearly, but even generally he didn’t have the whole day to waste. He had a mission the next day. He had to put the fear of death into some Russians and bring some pirozhki back for Nat.

“I don’t know,” you furrowed your eyebrows. “Too long for my schedule anyway, I have class prep to do.”

“Motherfucke- that thing’s like twenty feet away.” He’s worried about how you don’t look fazed at all when he points at the stupid machine.

He’s about to volunteer to detach his arm when he realises it’s definitely less than twenty feet now. He had a backup just in case. It didn’t move as smoothly, but who could tell the difference when a couple of tons of pressure was aiming for your face, and hell, if he explained his circumstances of the destruction of his arm to T’Challa-

“Okay, fine.” You reach into your backpack to grab something that looked like a wrist watch. It matched the one already around your hand.

You reach over and clasp it around his hand before turning a dial on the side.

“You ready?” you ask, ignoring the large crane that was starting to charge towards you.

“For what?” he replies, looking down at it. He can barely hear you over the sound of the whining of machinery.

“Teleportation, baby.” You send him a big grin before slamming down on his watch.

“Huh-” His voice cuts off immediately.

If there’s anything that can be said about teleportation, it’s that he feels like every atom in his entire body violently splits to float around briefly before suddenly rejoining again.

The ground beneath him feels different, and it takes him a second to realise that he was on the floor of your lair.

“What the fu-”

“Hello,” your voice comes from above him.

“You can teleport.” It’s not difficult for him to look at you now without the sun in his face. His arm is still stuck to the magnet but since the giant rod it was attached to was no longer deep in the ground, he could lift the entire apparatus up relatively easily.

“What, like it’s hard?” You discarded your bag on the floor. “You good? Takes a while to get used to.”

He gives you a grunt in acknowledgement, shaking his arm to see if he had any luck. It didn’t budge.

“Come on, take a seat.” You gesture to a lab chair you’ve pulled up for him on the raised platform at the front of the room. He realises that this is the first time he’s properly seen what’s actually inside your lair.

There are various buttons that do God knows what, drawers and cabinets painted black, several computer screens and gigantic pillars of glass on either side of the set up that encapsulate some green bubbling liquid. There’s a giant television set up against the wall, divided into several screens.

“Whaddya think?” You do a small swoop of your arm to show off the place.

“Gamer,” he says simply, testing his luck.

“What did you just say to me?” you recoil instantly, disgust on your face.

“It’s a gamer set up.” He points a finger at the TV screen. He was told by Shuri to use it as an insult, but he wasn’t exactly sure why. It just felt appropriate.

“Take that back right now.” You raise a finger accusatorially at him.

“No.” He was sticking with it even though he had no idea what exactly the context was.

“Fuck your arm,” you announce, throwing your hands up in surrender.

“Fuck your demolition then,” he replies simply, getting up from his place on the chair to leave with the thing still attached to him.

He takes one step ahead before your voice rings out.

“Sit down, drama queen,” your voice calls from behind him. “God, you’re annoying.”

“You’re infuriating.”

“I’m the best part of your week,” you fire back, ”and also your only way out of this. Now sit down.”

He didn’t even need the second warning, he was already on the chair the first time around.

“I’m not going to build a switch to turn this off. It’d take too long,” you examine the piece of equipment with more gentleness than he was expecting, “I’m going to remove it instead. It’s gonna take a while, so you better get comfortable.”

“I’m not.”

“That’s so sad,” you say without any indication of wanting to help.

He rolls his eyes.

You pull up next to him, welding glasses covering your face and the tool in your hand.

He turns away when you start, making sure his face is not directly within its trajectory.

He makes himself busy by looking around some more. There are details you’ve put into the place, materials that are non-flammable made up most of the architecture. It’s dramatic, sure, but somehow the designs and colours seemed to go together. It did look sinister, he’d give you props for that.

The space was quite big. It occurs to him only then that that’s how you manage to sneak up on him so often in the past. Everything clicked. Fucking teleportation.

“So,” your voice was raised to speak over the noise. “How’s it going?”

He decidedly doesn’t answer. His position is more than enough.

“Right.” You clear your throat.

He takes to counting the tiles on the floor, figuring out how many were there from the raised platform to the wall of the entrance.

“Not how you imagined your day to go, huh?” you continued despite his lack of response. “But some might say it’s a privilege to be spending the day with a cool, mad scie-”

“Are you going to keep talking?” he interrupts, losing his count on the floor.

“Yeah, duh,” you say like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “You got anything better to do?”

He didn’t.

“What’s it like living with a bunch of superheroes?” You change course. He’s not sure if he’s really allowed to disclose top secret information. “I assume there’s a lot of protein shakes, talcum powder for the chafing-”

Then again, how much damage could you do by knowing that Steve preferred pancakes over waffles?

“It’s quiet,” he says. “Most of the time.”

“Save all your smart talking for the battlefield, huh?”

He doesn’t reply. It’s quiet around the Tower. A lot of their energy goes towards missions and recuperating once they’re back.

“You go on missions a lot?”

“I can’t tell you that.”

“Boo, you whore,” you say with mock disappointment.

He got that reference.

“What’s your favourite food then?”

He scrunches his eyebrows.

“What?” The welding stops for a second while you look at him. “Don’t tell me that’s classified too.”

It’s not, he’s just never thought about it.

“I don’t know,” he murmurs, “Pasta?”

“Vague, but I’ll take it.”

He used to boil a lot of pasta, from what he could remember of his days in hiding. Cheap and bought in bulk before he saved up enough to buy things like fruits. A lot of the times the amount of sauce he had access to was enough for maybe seasoning, not a whole component on its own.

It’s one of the perks of being a free man in the 21st century he thinks, a steaming bowl of fettuccini drenched in sauce and garlic bread on the side.

“What do you do in your downtime?”

“Nothing.” Well, he considers it to be a pass time and doing nothing is a full time gig. It takes effort to do nothing. He even has days dedicated to doing nothing, as suggested to him by his therapist.

“Really?” You sound a little surprised, although it’s hard to make out when you’re already speaking a lot louder than usual. “No shining your penny collection? No software update for this thing?” You tap at his arm.

There really isn’t anything. Truth be told, he thinks he’s the most boring guy in the Tower. He sticks to himself, has a few succulents that he adores and occasionally watches trashy television. So then why are you so interested in him?

“You’re obsessed with me,” he says pointedly. “Why?”

You give a short laugh. “I think it’s the blue eyes, sarge, they’re really popping today. Gotta say, I’m loving this colour on you. Is it different from the black you wore last week? And from the one from the week before that?”

He looks down at his dark t-shirt and utility pants. He had other clothes but those were reserved for things that were not this.

“Or maybe it’s the grumpiness, I don’t know. I love it when someone shows absolutely no interest in me. Very sexy of you.” Oh jeez, you were going to continue. “Hell, maybe it’s the thighs-”

“Okay,” he interjects, feeling the need to count the tiles more than ever. He equates the heat in his neck from the welding going on beside him.

The loudness of your laughter is clearer than the sound of metal on metal when you tug a large piece of the invention off. Things were moving fast. He could get back home to his Star Trek marathon and forget this day ever happened.

“You know, you’re more interesting than you think,” you pipe up casually.

He doesn’t expect this and therefore he supposes he can’t stop the curiosity from enveloping his face. He hasn’t told you anything about himself, so then the inference you reached came out of nowhere.

Apparently, you take notice of the confusion on his face, even though he can’t see through the giant welding mask, because you let out a chuckle.

“Oh, come on, really? You have no idea?” you ask lightly, pausing to see if he offers anything other than silence. “You’ve come back almost every week even though you know it’s a waste of your time, you always keep your promises and I know for a fact that if you wanted to stop me once and for all, you could have. But you’re not.”

He doesn’t realise you’ve stopped welding until you start again. Good, it gives him an excuse not to have to look at you after that.

Frankly, he’s a little stunned.

You’re not looking at him, he can tell from his peripheral vision. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you have a small crush on me.”

At that, he’s forced to roll his eyes out of instinct. Thankfully you do know better.

A few screws out later, another piece comes out. You inform him that’s it’s going to get trickier from there since the circuit was a little more intricate, a lot more time than the original few pieces. He can see his Star Trek marathon fade away in the distance.

You ask him a few more questions. Some he answers with silence, others maybe a tidbit here and there.

“How’s dating now compared to the forties?”

“Strange.” He purses his lips in thought. “One guy asked for a gym date. Didn’t know that was a thing.”

“How’d that turn out?” you laugh.

“He didn’t ask for a second one.” His Bumble matches with girls somehow had gone down since he cut his hair, but he’s not too bothered. Not like there was a huge shortage.

He likes cats, thinks the worst merchandise that they make is the stupid baseball card with his face on it, and doesn’t have social media for the sake of his sanity. He’s seen the thirst tweets.

Clearly, he’s revealed his deepest, darkest secrets. Utterly classified material. But he doesn’t know anything about you other than your name, number, address, where you teach, what your hobby is-

“You, uh-” he hesitates, “You got a favourite food?”

Your hands hold still to hover above what they’re working on. You fight back a smile. “Sure do.”

He asks a few more questions. Shuts up when he feels his social battery drain. That’s enough for the next month, he thinks.

The sun’s dipped down beyond the horizon by the time majority of the work is completed. Both of you have taken a few breaks to fight the feeling of stiffness that was creeping into your joints.

You scoff and tell him you’re not planning to poison him when he denies the offer of a soda. He doesn’t deter in his decision.

“How much to go?” He has a mission tomorrow that he’d really like to get some sleep in before. Waking up at 3am to get ready was the worst part of the job.

“Basically done.” You roll your chair back, rotating your shoulder and stretching your fingers. “There’s just this little part that I can’t access from this angle. How good are you at hanging upside down like a bat?”

Fuck it, he sighs to himself, it was almost finished anyway.

Bucky stands up, tilting his neck to the side slightly before pulling at a small latch under his arm, one so tiny that you’d never make out was even there unless you knew it existed. The arm releases from his shoulder with a small click.

He offers it to you, a piece of your magnet still attached to it.

Your eyes are slightly wide. He raises his eyebrows.

You don’t say anything, just accept it and flip it to a position you were comfortable with. It takes only a minute or two for the sound of the last piece hitting the floor to reverberate through the hall.

You give a small cheer. He lets out a tiny exhale in equal parts fatigue and relief.

“So,” you drawl, handing his arm back to him, “you could have just done that the whole time.”

He doesn’t reply, just slides it back onto his shoulder.

“You had the option of leaving your arm here and coming back later to get it.”

He gives it a few shakes, opens and clenches his fist shut a few times to make sure everything is working.

“You wanted to talk to me.”

He gives you a deadpan look. “I was distracting you.”

“Bullshit,” you laugh.

“Believe what you must.” He shrugs, turning around. “My job here is done regardless.”

“Oh, I believe alright,” you call out from behind him as he walks towards the entrance of your lair. “I believe you’re a sneaky bastard, Bucky Barnes.”

He doesn’t stop himself from smiling at the overdramatic gasp you give when he flips you a middle finger. From the metal arm, too.

Next part

#bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #mcu fic #bucky fic #bucky barnes fic #bucky fluff #bucky barnes fluff #bucky angst #bucky barnes angst #harmless fic #winter soldier x reader #Winter Soldier #bucky barnes #bucky

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absolutepokemontrash · 4 years ago

Text

The Demon Bros Play DND!

Who’s ready for some Stupid Headcanons?

So, the Satanic Panic of the 1980s claimed that the tabletop RPG known as Dungeons and Dragons had the power to turn your children into satanists and devil worshippers. So of course, the brothers have totally played DND after hearing about all the human world nonsense.

Lucifer the Back-up Back-up DM

He’s too busy to play this game dammit, stop inviting him! What do you mean both Satan and Simeon can’t DM the one-shot? Ugh... fine.

Despite all his UUUUUUUUGGGGHHH, Lucifer is a damn good storyteller, prepare to be immersed as hell.

Also, sorry guys, he’s a rule whore. If something’s against the rules, YOU AREN’T DOING IT.

He’s also a complete sadist who will randomly get everyone to roll perception checks for NO REASON.

Lucifer has definitely stood up and slammed his hands on the table while giving a description for extra effect, Mammon screamed and nearly fell out of his seat which REALLY ruined the mood.

“Everyone, we’re rescheduling, I’m too busy.”

He’s been a player a few times, and he’s NOT good at it. All his characters end up being really generic and boring. He’s better at being the world and everything in it, not the dummy wandering around it.

Human/fighter lookin’ motherfucker

In conclusion, he’s a good DM, but he’s probably too busy to play.

Over-Powered Self Insert (Mammon)

This game is for nerds! He’s not playin’, Levi!

Fine, his character is great and amazin’ and is also him. MC! What do these numbers mean-

Mammon’s the type of player to make his character a self insert and not take it too seriously, then get really REALLY attached as the campaign progresses.

He’s the type not to make a backstory for his character either, so go wild DM MCs!

He also both purposefully and accidentally metagames a whole bunch. Like dude, YOU know this, YOUR CHARACTER DOES NOT.

Shit he forgot his dice, can he borrow some?

“Okay MC, that’s five points of piercing damage.” “I RUN OVER AND HEAL THEM! I’LL SAVE YA MC!”

Mammon goes out of his way to save MC’s character long before it would make sense in-character to do so.

“Well, as your first man it’s my duty to save your character! You’ll probably be a blubberin’ mess if I didn’t...”

He’s not the best role player, but he’s also not the worst at it either. He tends to break character when things get too serious and he doesn’t know what to do.

Notes who? He came in here with one sheet of printer paper and it’s for doodling only.

He and Asmodeus start the tavern brawls. No question about that.

Theft is very common, he’s stealing from everyone, including but not limited to: the party, the royal guards, the dead enemies, the giant fuck-you dragon that Satan dropped in there to deter Mammon from stealing...

“I’m gonna steal that crown from the dragon.” “Roll stealth.” “Nat 20 BITCHES.” “Fuck you.”

If his character dies, may the Demon King have mercy on his greedy little soul because he’s going to mope about it for a damn long time.

Over-Powered Self Insert Again (Leviathan)

His character totally isn’t a self insert, shut up! He just looks and acts like an idealized version of himself!

He’s the one with twenty pages of character info and backstory AND the amazing commissioned art.

Levi has about 40 sets of expensive blue dice that he claims gives him the best rolls but an average session with him usually leads to roughly 10 crit fails.

While his luck with dice isn’t that good, he’s the player who will get as much out of their turn as possible, AKA break out the calculators and notes we’re doing some math.

His turn goes on for at least ten minutes because of all the shit he’s doing. When you finally think it’s over he goes “I still have my movement!”

Takes notes like a madman, every bit of lore and character info is being written down, meaning it’s a headache for everyone involved if there’s a continuity error because Levi WILL point it out.

“So you all head to the east, the great Valley of-” “Hang on, valley? In the second session you said there was a mountainous area to the east.” “Levi, shut up.”

Levi is the self appointed “guys come on let’s get back on track!” player, and whoever’s DMing is grateful to have him.

Levi is kind of the opposite of Mammon in terms of character seriousness, at first he’s taking everything super seriously and then as the campaign goes on he slowly loosens up and has some fun.

Out of curiosity one day he searches up a magical girl DND class and he’s ALL OVER IT. PLEASE LET HIM BE A MAGICAL GIRL NEXT CAMPAIGN-

Damn good at roleplaying, he’s carrying the entire in-character discussion until everyone else gets into it.

The Done With Your Bullshit DM (Satan)

So, this is the game that’s supposedly summoning him all the time despite the fact that he hadn’t been up to the human world since the 50s... what the fuck is everyone on up there?

It was the 80s, probably a lot of drugs.

When Satan DMs, you can only break the rules if it enhances the story... or if it fucks with Lucifer’s really boring character.

He will fudge dice rolls every once and a while, he also gets very attached to the characters everyone has made so he doesn’t want to perma-kill any of them unless they roll a DND quadruple natural 1 sin or something.

As attached as he gets, he isn’t above completely raging, killing everyone’s characters, and ending the session if everyone’s being annoying.

Don’t worry, your characters will be safe and sound next session once everything calms down... just don’t mention how Satan burned your character sheet right in front of you. It’s your fault if you didn’t make a second copy of your character sheet!

He’s pretty decent when it comes to improv when a player stumbles into something he didn’t plan out, but that’s not going to stop him from getting a little annoyed.

Though, if you somehow manage to get to the big bad too soon... yeah sorry, he’s got a way more dramatic fight scene planned, your player’s getting conveniently blasted out of there.

As a player, Satan is pretty decent at the game overall, but he tends to be a little aggressive if there’s an overarching mystery to be solved.

He needs to understand what’s going on! He doesn’t care if it upends the plot or it’s too early to find out! He needs to know!

His character is actually distinct and different from himself, Satan thinks it’s more interesting that way. All the books he’s read have made him a pretty awesome role player!

Satan’s notebook both as a DM and a player is filled to the brim, no detail is too insignificant to be put on the page.

Satan doesn’t fear dungeon puzzles... dungeon puzzles fear Satan.

“Are you all stupid?! This puzzle is so easy a four year old could solve it!”

I ROLL TO SEDUCE- (Asmodeus)

At first he didn’t want to play, he doesn’t play these kinds of games, sweetie. He’s too pretty.

When he’s finally convinced he puts a decent amount of effort into his character, but leaves the backstory pretty open.

Asmo would probably be the bard... right? No. He’s the warlock with the magic sugar daddy patron, and the warlock patron is spoken to as such.

“Hey baby... how’ve you been? Have I been good~?” “...”

Huh! Who woulda thought that all the bedroom roleplaying would transfer so well to DND!

Simeon is the only DM that doesn’t immediately shut this down, so Asmo will be extra inclined to play if Mr. Nice Shoulders is DMing.

When he gets really into it he buys a bunch of sparkly and very pretty dice, they bring him good luck in every roll!

Asmo has a fictional harem, no question about it. It gets to the point where Satan, Lucifer, and Simeon stop describing NPCs as attractive.

He’s rolling to seduce either way, he’s turned many an antagonist into a lover. To be fair, Asmo’s horniness has gotten everyone out of a lot of jail cells... so they can’t complain.

His notes consist of really random comments about the plot and the other players. It’s also COATED with doodles.

‘Wow, this character is such an asshole, I hope Belphie kills them.’ ‘Shit.’ ‘MC looks so cute when they play their character!!!!!!!! :D’

Poor bab forgets the rules a lot... it’s just too much to remember, okay?! How was he supposed to know that he ran out of spell slots an hour ago?!

Please help him, MC...

*Dice Cronch* (Beel)

Homeboy has been given edible dice, no question. He has also eaten the non-edible dice...

Beel goes to Satan for help with making his character, and he ends up really loving the character! :D

Problem is, he’s not that good at roleplaying... D:

“Can my character eat that person?” “Beel, no- you know what? Let me check what you’d need to roll to do that.”

I’ll save you MC part 2 electric boogaloo, but when it comes to Beel, the entire party is getting protected, no matter how little it makes sense in-character.

While Beel does take notes, a lot of them don’t end up being very important for later events. For example, he’ll jot down stuff about the layout in one room, but it turns out he didn’t take notes for the room that was actually going to be used for a boss fight.

He’s always nice to the NPCs, shame Belphie doesn’t show them the same courtesy.

Murder Hobo (Belphie)

Chaotic evil.

“Belphie, your character’s alignment is neutral good, remember?” “Fuck that, this guy’s annoying me.”

If Belphie doesn’t like an NPC, it’s up to the rest of the party to stop him from derailing the campaign and killing them.

He has space themed dice because cow-man likes space and thought they were pretty.

Notes? NOTES? You think Belphegor, the Avatar of SLOTH, takes notes? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-

He’s drooling all over the notebook... ew. Someone wake him up and tell him it’s his turn.

He puts about 35% effort forth to make a halfway decent character, and approximately 4% effort to actually roleplay.

Belphie sleeps through important plot details so he’s almost always really confused. He’ll turn to MC and ask them to explain what he missed before not learning his lesson and going back to sleep.

Wake him up for the dungeon puzzles though, he and Satan love those.

“Okay, we can’t see what’s in the room because none of the conscious party members have dark vision?” “Nope, what do you do?” “...I shove Mammon inside and shut the door.” “WHAT?!”

Bonus! The Best DM (Simeon)

Our favourite angel has homebrewed this entire campaign and boy fricken howdy are these players going to enjoy it.

Simeon fudges the dice rolls to avoid anything too irreversibly bad happening, buuuuuuut he’s still a total asshole who does the random perception rolls to keep everyone on their toes.

Everyone gets a character arc god dammit, even if they don’t have a backstory, one will be provided!

He’s got a map, he’s got miniatures, he’s got dice and backup dice for the backup dice, he’s got DM notes for days!

Simeon could be a voice actor with the amount of character voices he can do, no one ever gets confused with who’s talking.

Did someone just uncover a massive bit of plot that was meant to be found out later? Good job! No harm done! Simeon’s DM improv is second to none, and the plot will adjust accordingly!

#Obey me #Obey me!#Obey me Headcanons #obey me! headcanons #Obey me Lucifer #Obey me Mammon #Obey me Simeon #Obey me Leviathan #obey me beelzebub #Obey me Belphegor #Obey me Satan #Obey me Asmodeus #Obey me MC #obey me shall we date #obey me! shall we date?

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olderthannetfic · 3 years ago

Note

my mom and her sisters are all getting into bts, but they’re very much in it for the music and the dancing and pretty boys, less for fandom stuff. so, who are your favorite members/ships/fanon?

Oh god. Where do I start?

There are a lot of eras of fanon you can see in different fics, and there are different flavors of fanon depending on what ships someone likes. While I like actual BTS a lot, particularly for their rap, I treat the fic more like original BL. I like a lot of different versions, and I prefer the more multi-shippy authors who aren't so wedded to the few really big ships.

RM is probably my favorite overall just as an artist (and pretentious philosopher), but I love them all as stock fic characters.

I like namkook because I like "Sempai, notice me!" ships. I'm also a sucker for anything where a mentor type is having a meltdown internally about how bad they are for their crush on The Baby... meanwhile The Baby is a filthy little demon who is not only actively pursuing the mentor but is like "Can you hold me down and call me rude names?"

There's some interesting fic set earlier in their careers (or riffing off of that in another setting) about Jin being hired only for his face and whichever other member being hired only for their talent and their mutual jealousy/distrust/etc.

There are obviously a zillion possible ships, especially considering how often people go for ships with more than two. I more often do tag searches for vmin, sope, namkook, rapline OT3. Sometimes, I look for jihope or for vmin+another member. I'm partial to OT7, particularly of the JK/everyone variety, but there aren't a lot of fics that aren't just mindbreak porn or something. People often send me good recs for namgi, namjin, taejin, yoonjin, and jikook with top Jimin.

I don't actually care about the sex positions part, but I find that a lot of bottom Jimin fic is egregiously woobietastic in particular ways I hate. Taekook has a ton of fic, most of it extremely annoying to me, but I still check it out reasonably frequently because I'll be searching for magic school AUs or whatever, and it will come up. Minjoon and yoonmin also have a lot of fanon I find stupid and annoying, but I'll still read fic if it comes up in some trope search, especially if it's one of those fics with them divided 2/2/3 and all of the ships mattering in the fic. My biggest hate is reserved for anything that turns either Namjoon or Hobi into a thinks-he's-straight fuckboy who needs to learn a Very Special Lesson™ about modern US queer identity as seen through the lens of tumblr. Times one billion if either Yoongi or Jimin is the femme woobie in that fic. Did people listen to that fucking Tony Montana song? Did they? JESUS CHRIST. (Okay, "Expensive Girl" and "Trouble" are also hilarribad in similar annoying teen boy ways, but have people forgotten Jin was on the latter too?)

Basically, one of my rage buttons in any fandom is people equating someone being genetically taller or having a less idol-looking face with their approach to sexuality, identity, and gender. We all fucking wish our bodies looked like our insides. Half of tumblr would be androgynous, sylphlike ectomorphs if we could. But guess what? We get to be short, fat, and have giant boobs that are hard to hide. Not all of us. But a lot of us. I think I've got a pretty hot body, but it's not necessarily the body I'd have chosen, you know?

Fic where someone's like "I wish I was small and cute" and someone else is like "Fuck you, I'd kill to look big and manly like you" is interesting. Fic where your body is your personality is not.

Anyway, all of BTS appear to have been dumb teenagers, whether that's an excessive love of Scarface (ugh, film bros, why) or watching so much porn they filled the dorm computer full of viruses (lol, Namjoon and Jin, you thirsty bitches). I don't really care what people extrapolate from this in fic as long as it isn't some tired "RM is tall so he's The Man and Jimin is short so he's The Girl" shit.

Uh... anyway...

I like fic where all 7 of them are there and important to each other if it's an AU. If it's set in something approaching their real careers, I often like it if their other friends and associates are mentioned and they have a life outside of the group, though since I'm not that familiar with most of the famous people they're known to be friends with, I often like that better as a catalyst for "We pretend to be bffs for our reality tv shows, and now I'm insecure because I want to be that close for real but what is real when you're an idol????"

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herstarburststories · 4 years ago

Text

He didn’t make it to 42

Pairing: Dean Winchester x reader

Summary: it’s Dean’s birthday, you go to visit him with some news and things that need to be said.

A/N: Happy bday, De.

Warnings: so much angst, mentions of sex, hopeful/happy ending (?)

Dean’s dead. It’s Dean’s birthday and he’s dead. You can’t argue much.

Sam denied the demon blood inside him, and that didn’t stop its evil nature from growing and gasping for his fresh air to the point he was almost shocked alive. Dean denied his dad’s destructive methods’ results for the longest time, and that didn’t stop the cicatrixes in every emotion he had ever shown. You denied the absence of Dean and that didn’t stop the bricks cracking in your soul. There’s only so far you can go with your eyes closed.

So here you are. Standing in front of an empty grave. You are bigger than the dull tombstone, yet you can’t help but not to feel tall, at all. How can you even start to talk? Talking to Dean used to be easy even when it got hard and now you’re feeling like a lost kid in a supermarket. Your snide thinking spells out his name with venom, saying it isn’t easy for you to open your barmy mouth and spill out contrarian shit because this isn’t Dean, just another meaningless symbolism that Sam promises that will help. The real Dean died almost a year ago, he was burned in a hunter’s funeral, the flames dancing over his body as the smell of burnt meat invaded your nostrils. Whenever you try to remember his fragrance, that manly aroma which you loved to scent each morning, all your brain can come up with is the odor of his skin and guts burning. The smell lingers like bad perfume, it doesn’t matter how many times you wash yourself with his soap-- that only broke your heart worse.

But today is Dean’s birthday. He deserves a visit, even if it’s not him. Then you go and attempt to deal with the desolation, push it away just a little, and pick up something from the enormous pile of things you wish to tell Dean. You glance at the cold tombstone: Dean Winchester. 1979 - 2020. Beloved son, big brother, and husband. Hunter. A hero. Simple definitions that can never make it up for who he was and what he meant. You purse your lips and cough a little, a gentle wind touches your cheek so tenderly. If you were still a believer, you’d think this is some sort of sign, Dean’s presence or some other pious hoax. All you do now is to remain in quietude, a deep breath. Ultimately, your voice comes:

‘’You didn’t make it to forty two, huh?’’ You scoff humorless, reminiscing to the multiple days that Dean said he wouldn’t go past 35. He did live each year like it was the last--- you aren’t sure if it's such a good thing. If you carry on like your days are outnumbered, you are silently entertaining yourself until death's knock on your door. ‘’I always hated when you were right. Let’s be honest, you had the words of a pessimist and the wants of an optimist. Still, if you were to be right about something, it would be about a bad situation. A nest with too many vampires, how crappy the motel’s bedroom would be, or how that third glass of wine would make me tipsy. So yeah, I always hated when you were right. And look at you now! You aren’t right, you aren’t wrong. You are dead! And I’m the crazy girl screaming at an empty tombstone.’’

You let out a laugh empty of joy. That’s how a hunter’s life is: you die and people stop talking about you because it’s too sad or too long gone to hold any pity, meanwhile the ones who recall about you go loud with all the spirits in their heads. You put your hand in the pockets of the heavy leather jacket that once belonged to a green eyed man who would be turning 42 today, some strange force causing you to speak again.

‘’Wow.’’ You shake your head to the blue way you paint the scene until you notice that you never greeted him. ‘’Hey.’’ The simple word adds a comical insult to injury. ‘’Guess the dead don’t care about manners, huh?’’ You arch your eyebrows with a grin that demonstrates anything but happiness. ‘’Miracle died. Sam digged a hole next to the bunker and buried him there. He isn’t the same since you died, you know? Not the deceased dog-- Well, he wasn’t the same either. Always whining and scratching your door like a fucking cat, and sniffing your old boots. He made me company in your bed and I whined as much as he did when you didn’t come back home that day. He stood by the door most days, waiting for you to appear. I can’t judge him, I did the same.’’ You shrug, not caring about how risible that confession may look. It's true. You became as irrational as a loyal dog at some point in this sorrow. ‘’And Sam, your baby brother… I think he died with you right there, Dean. He didn’t try to bring you back as he promised, but I shouted and screamed so much. I said I would burn the bunker and throw Baby over a cliff if he didn’t-- if he didn’t let me try. I lived up to the mad woman title.’’

You are crestfallen, pacing on top of where the eldest Winchester - Sam’s brand new nomination - supposedly was buried. You know your boots barely touch an infected land, there's no deceased man under your steps. The dead thing is in you.

‘’I spent days dragging your body everywhere and nowhere, anywhere I could catch a crumb of relief in hope to bring you back. But I couldn’t. Jack could, but that ungrateful idiot doesn’t wanna follow his grandpa steps and get too attached to mere humans, the creation or whatever. As if we are just some skin and bone to him, as if you are just another human.’’

You sit down on the tombstone, some tender solace in being close to a thing that's supposed to represent him, like sleeping hugged to a pillow or waking up to a photograph of his. Your nails sink against the gelid concrete at the thought of screaming into the sky for the new God that seemed as deaf as the last one. His calm answer to your burning pain. How he dared to tell you he knew what he was doing— as if he was the original lord and not a three years old. You can't make him do it, so you hold on the fury of some overthrown nation.

‘’Anyway, I couldn’t bring you back. Your body, well, you know how human anatomy works. Your body started to smell like death. We tried to stop with human and magic ways, and it wouldn’t work because you were dead. You should’ve seen the doctor’s face when we got you in that fancy hospital tha night. I think we traumatized the doctor with so much violence and trauma. She didn’t even give us a false hope or anything, you know? She just asked about organ donation of what was left. She just wanted to take every little thing out of you, as if you were just another accident on a Tuesday night.’’ Your shake your head as the memories and your points start to mix, it's hard to discern things and keep a straight line when you have an open wound in your insides. ‘’Well, they couldn’t bring you back to life, and neither could Rowena or whatever I looked for. Don’t be mad because I tried, Winchester. You know I’m too stubborn for my own good. I had to try.’’ you refuse to apologize, yet adds the playful words in his eulogy. ‘’But then your body started to stink and God, how could I continue to be so violent to your corpse? That was when I decided to listen to you for the first time and to Sam, so I let you go. I hate you for asking that.’’ What an ambiguous, contradictory truth to bare. You are glimpses of a person for months because of Dean Winchester, still have the energy to argue his selfless logic, just to love him even more. He's got your devotion, but man you can hate him sometimes. ‘’I hate you for going on that stupid hunt. I hate you for being dead, you giant idiot that I love so much.’’ You can't bring your mouth to say loved. "I was always telling you to let the past go and now I’m in love with a dead thing. What a comic way to end our history. I told you that Miracle died, right? I don’t know if dogs go to heaven, but I hope he’s in there with you. I wonder what your heaven is like. I bet it has Whiskey.''

Your dry chuckle makes your notice the tears in your eyes, glistening your orbs as they go like a waterfall to be absorbed by the thirsty land after leaving your cheeks.

"Sam and I-- We tried to make some sense out of this cruelty, but we can’t. You are dead and I can’t seem to put it past me. I still sleep in your bed, and I can still taste your body burning on the roof of my mouth in the quiet nights. I cried this morning because someone asked for a burger, can you believe that? It was so stupid since I used to shake my head and argue with you about cholesterol. Suddenly I was crying at lunch in a restaurant because some stupid kid asked for a burger with extra bacon. They sang Happy birthday to this dumbass child, and I interrupted with my awful crying, and wished that you were celebrating your birthday and not that kid. I guess you could say I wish death upon an innocent child with a problematic eating routine.’’ That was a whole new level of low, as if you are the one wrapped with the sentiment of laying six feet under.

‘’Everyone tells you about how grief is singular and particular with similar emotions that bring people who went through this together. They even have that crap stages thing and all that. You know what they don’t tell you?’’ Your mouth shuts for a moment, like you are waiting some response. You nod as if whatever you were expecting is handed to you. ‘’Grief can be fucking ridiculous. Who cries because of a burger full of oil and cardiac diseases? Who cries because they found a grocery store recipe under her dead boyfriend’s bed? Who falls on the ground screaming in the middle of the mall because they saw a flannel? Who? Those things are so stupid.’’ You smile like there's no tomorrow and the laugh leaving your lips is a treacherous tone. Perhaps you just aren't build up to express joy anymore. ‘’You see it in the movies and in the books and you think, you know, you think to yourself that grieving is being sad on special dates and randomly remembering the loved ones because of some screaming memory, like a flannel or their perfume. Thing is, it’s not just that. All your body seems so small, so tight for all the ache and agony inside it. Your senses go wild, you are not just one person in one place. You’re just the pain everywhere, like being pulled apart and you beg to jump in the fucking grave with them. At least you would be together, at least you would feel like one person and not suffering edges of a broken earthy thing. And--And you start remembering things you didn’t even know you had mesmerized. I look at the ceiling and remember you saying you’d paint it someday. I look at the kitchen and remember me screaming at you for giving Miracle the rest of the food. I smell Sam’s clothes and started crying because hey, they don’t smell like alcohol. You don’t iron them while drinking anymore, so of course they don’t smell like cheap beer.’’ You are chuckling through the tears and it only makes it more monstrous. ‘’Everything is you now that you are gone. Every man has something similar to you, every garden is green as your eyes, and each step sounds like you are coming home. They didn’t prepare me, not for this.’’ You said breathless. A soft single follows. The knife cuts both ways; the empty breeze and the words hurt. Where's the middle term? Where's the limbo? Where's the only safe place for you to rest your weary head?

Out of nowhere, you blurt out, ‘’I can’t masturbate,’’ I know it’s something stupid and even selfish to say, but I think you’d like to know. I can’t masturbate. That’s a part of the whole losing someone process that people are too ashamed to discuss, or maybe they don’t have the urge to be touched anymore because after someone you love dies, after someone-- the hands who touched are dead and cold, you become a haunted object. That’s how I feel most days, like I’m a haunted house because you touched me and now you’re dead and some days I believe I am too.’’ You look around the places. It's beautiful. It's lonely. It has trees and flowers and green. Not as green as Dean's eyes, but it doesn't matter anymore. He doesn't even have eyes at this point. ‘’Well, I can’t masturbate. I can’t touch myself. And I can’t ask someone else either. I tried and ended up punching the guy, Dean. I swear. I panicked when he was between my legs and just punched his nose. You’d have liked it, you were always the jealous kind. I won’t admit that, but I thought it was kinda hot. Especially when you got possessive in sex.’’ A dirty grin appeared on your lips, the echoes of luxury lasting in your eyes for a brief moment. ‘’I don’t think I can be cared for anymore, honestly. Sam tried to hug me when Miracle died and I… It was like I wasn't there. I got frozen in time, and I live in my sleep. In my nightmares you are alive. I dream about the day you died every week and I used to wake up screaming, but now those nightmares are the only proof you were alive now that you’re as dead as the police report says this time. It was the most painful, calamitous moment for you and I swear it was a nightmare for me, but then I realized that at least I had you there, egoistical or not, I made my nightmare into a dream.’’ You aren't sure which opinion Dean would have on that. Would he understand? Would he shake his head? You wish you can ask him just this one more thing, just beg him to write it down for you on how to be without him here.

You raise on your feet, glaring at the name craved in the concrete. The tears go by still, although they're as usual as the blood in glir veins at this point. ‘’Death is so silly. What it takes, anyway?" Each word conquers more inches of pure wrath. ''People die because they stumbled on their own feet and hit their head somewhere, or they drove their car too close and too fast to the cliff, or because they were giving birth, or because they dated the wrong person, or because they were hunting a fucking vampire and got impaled. What are the chances? How stupid, and idiotic is death? Always creeping and waiting to bite and chew a piece of you-- Taking every scrap of you from me like that’s its right.’’ You are screaming, starting to kick and punch the tombstone with any piece of straight you have. Your limbs hurt and the blood is visible, but you keep going. ‘’YOUR STUPID DOG DIED, DEAN! AND YOU DIED! AND I DIED! SAMMY DIED! YEAH, IS SAID SAMMY! GO AHEAD, TELL ME ONLY YOU CAN CALL HIM THAT.’’ Another punch, your knuckles are ripped. Another kick, your boot as a hole. ‘’DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.’’ Kick. ‘’SAMMY, SAMMY, SAMMY!’’ A punch to each name. Anything to get a reaction, to get comfort. Anything. ‘’YOU CAN’T BECAUSE YOU ARE DEAD.’’ Gasping for something you don't need anymore, sweet oxygen, your eyes are on the tombstone again. And the definitions. And the trees. Your body is sore and aching. It is the kind and coercion no person wants which you needed; the freedom of feeling outside the exact pain that was inside. ‘’You can’t because you are dead. I’ve been playing some sick games in my mind, you know? Sam stopped hunting and had his closure. He was always better at letting go than you and I, but he’s still hurting. I never saw him hurting so much. I think he knows you won’t come back this time, how could you make us promise something like that? Well, my twisted game is a bunch of misleading what ifs. What if you hadn’t gone after John? What if you hadn’t gone on that last hunt? What if you had stayed with Lisa? At first I didn’t like her much. Jealous, I admit that. But she grew on me. She gave you something I couldn’t back then and I’ll always be thankful for that. And even though it would rip me apart, I’d rather you to die at sixth after living your suburban dream with her. Have another kid besides Ben, maybe a girl this time, and just have that apple pie life. You and Sam would live close and your kids would always play. They’d be as close as brothers. Maybe I’d get a guy and bring my own kids and we could’ve a barbecue and everyone would be happy. But we don’t get soft epilogues here. It ends how it starts, right? Bloody and desperate. I thought maybe, maybe Lisa could understand what’s going through my head now. I drove to her new address and parked close to her house. I must have spent hours there, thinking if I should come in or not, If she somehow remembered after Castiel died or if I could make her brain work again if I told her the truth. But then I just drove back home and fell asleep wrapped in that stupid lumberjack flannel of yours. The one I always mocked, yeah? She may understand me, but I know you wouldn’t want that. You want her, you want me and Sam to be happy. I don’t know if I can do that, Dean. It’s like myt brittle soul shrewd and my body is just waiting to collapse.’’ You signed, overwhelmed by the battle without an anthem. The victory with no triumph. Is it still a win when you don't have someone to come home too? ‘’Your dog died, it’s the first birthday you didn’t live to see, and I bought all the things you told Mrs Butters you wanted for your birthday because it’s your birthday. I just don’t know how to celebrate it with you dead. People stop counting after they die, right? They just say he’d have been 42 or he died at 41. They give melancholy smiles when they wake up and check the day on their phones and a woe atmosphere swallows them for the rest of the day. Then they get better the next day. I think everyday is your birthday.’’ You attempt to wipe away your tears, which only causes your pulsating hand to stain your face red. ‘’Dean, for the first time, what died stayed dead! Congrats.’’ Once again, a hysterical laugh. ‘’I wish but no. What died didn’t stay dead, you are alive, so alive in my head. I swear you are there some days. I wake and watch the door, so sure you’ll come back. Sam says I’m living in delusion and I have to wake up and keep going since that's what you would want. That's enough to make him keep going, but it only makes me angry. Everyone we know and some strangers looks at me like I'm a house on fire and no longer a warm home, like I'm a car accident. They think I don't notice but I do.’’ You look at your boots, the whole is rolling out blood like your hands. You feel closer to Dean. How sick.

‘’Help, I’m still right where you left me." You plea, his love lingering like a bruise. ''I think gravity is overwhelming and it keeps me here. Sometimes it’s like I’m one of those dusted books Sam used to read. Or those Bukowski ones that you hid, so we wouldn’t see how smart you’re. You tried so hard to hide your intelligence because you didn’t think you were entitled to it. You saw yourself as the protector and never the valuable one for protection. You, the man who made an EMF out of an old radio, who rebuilt the Impala from the ground multiple times, and who knew patterns better than any detective. The man who showed me I could rely on someone other than myself. The dude with a lopsided grin, tough hands and a heart of gold. I miss you so much. If I didn’t know better, I’d think you were singing all those classic rock songs and Taylor Swift pop hits, while I drove here. I would think you were home, smelling like guts because you wanted to eat before taking a shower after a hunt. I would think that you are in the Deancave, waiting for me to curl up on your lap to watch Scooby Doo or Doctor Sexy MD until we aren’t watching anymore. If I didn’t know better I would think no death could take you from me. There would be no tear us apart in our vows.’’ The only thing that keeps your organism working is that Dean died knowing how much you loved him. You never let this talk for later or never. No tomorrow is promised. That's a nice comfort, maybe that's what will help you to let go in the future. ‘’But yesterday your stupid, skink dog died and I lost the last living thing that I had from you. You know what’s more angerting? I cried and Sam cried and I noticed we were the living things you left behind and all we have is each other. All your closets of backlogged dreams were left for us-- so yeah. Sam is done hunting and he’s met a lovely girl, and they are moving in like in your domestic dreams. I’m taking care of the family business like your other contradictory dream and making sure Sam is safe enough to be normal. Because I have to, we have too. Stupidly enough, I still wait for the day you’ll burst out the door and tell us to hit the road again. I still watch every episode of your dumb tv shows to make sure I’ll know everything that happened when you ask. I still drive around in your car and close my eyes when the street is calm, only picturing you driving as Baby’s engineers go wild but those are my hands on the steering wheel. If I didn't know better, I’d think you are still around. But I know better. I still feel you all around. I love you.’’

Your monologuing ends as astutely as it stated. You get up, press a kiss to your ruined for the next weeks hands and place it on the rock with writings. You turn around and walk back to the car that you parked near, only in case of Dean wanting to see Baby. How knows? You and your clandestine faith. You lick your lip and get in the car.

You swear you the AC/DC cassette wasn't there before, but when you turn on the car and the radio it starts playing. It's the first true smile that comes to your mouth, it's bloodstained and you look like a shameless woman. With that you can deal.

It hurts a bearable hurt for now. You didn't think it was possible. Maybe someday.

The end.

(she takes a little longer to arive in heaven than sammy. his baby brother says that women are most likely to live around six years more than men. it doesn't ease him up, though. dean waited sam for too long, his platonic soulmate. and now he has to wait his romantic one too? the eldest Winchester considers it the best earthly present when the he sense you around, that smell of orange and apples. it's you, he knows before even turning around. he can't wait to love you again. your name rolls off your tongue so naturally, as if you had seen each other just yesterday: ‘’hey, y/n.’’)

But then again, nothing ever really ends, does it?

REBLOG AND COMMENT. Feedback is magic and helps me!

Starburst's footnote: It just didn't feel right to make an author's note on the top. I wanted it all only to be an arrow to the story. So, this is my side note: it's six am and I'm up writing this after inspiration kissed me with a bruise in the middle of the night. Or more like grabbed my throat. Anyway, I had to write and finish this one to post today, even pushing sleep aside. Hey, we are writers, that's what we do! I've been watching the show since I was eleven and I cried like a baby with the finale. This series was just so important and crucial to molde aspects of relationships for me. The song marjorie by Taylor Swift was used here, and so was the line "you got my devotion/ but man, I can hate you sometimes" by Harry Styles. I told you guys I would use it somewhere! A special thanks to @msmarvelouswinchester who helped me with her encouraging and opinon. You are the best! And with all of this I wanna say: Happy bday, Dean Winchester!

REBLOG AND COMMENT! Feedback is magic! Especially about this fic, I’d like to know your opinion. Tags in the reblog! Send an ask or dm to get in the taglist.

#dean winchester #dean's birthday #dean winchester x reader #dean x you #dean winchester's birthday #dean winchester x you #supernatural #spn #dean winchester imagine #supernatural imagines #spn reader insert #dean winchester headcanon #dean winchester imagines

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iliumheightnights · 4 years ago

Text

Tony Stark Fluff ABC’s (Male Reader)

Tony Stark x Male Reader ...

A = Attractive (What do they find attractive about the other?) - Tony has TWO things he likes. Your looks and your brains. He loves a man that is smart while also being eye candy. Which is exactly what he thinks of you.

B = Baby (Do they want a family? Why/Why not?) - Tony doesn’t want a family. At least that’s what he says before he gets his husband, Peter, Harley, etc. Now no one can touch his family otherwise someone is going to get hurt.

C = Cuddle (How do they cuddle?) - Tony cuddles like a koala. He snuggles his entire body into you, his face pushed into your chest. “Mmm, warm and comfy.”

D = Dates (What are dates with them like?) - Go big or go home. Tony is going to spoil you with so many big and fancy dates. Only the best for you! However sometimes he does like to give you the nice simple dates with food he made terribly with candles.

E = Everything (You are my ____ (e.g. my life, my world…)) - “You are my entire universe. I don’t know how I could do anything without you.”

“Because you’re you Tony. You can do so much.”

F = Feelings (When did they know they were in love?) - Tony knew he was in love the moment he walked off the plane after his whole ordeal and saw you waiting for him, face full of worry. He thought of you lots during his time in the cave but it wasn’t until right there he realized it. He loved you.

G = Gentle (Are they gentle? If so, how?) - Tony surprisingly is very gentle. While people see him on tv and newspapers, they may think he’s rather cold and distant. Or they see him as just a playboy, but with you....he’s a whole other person. He’s so soft and makes sure you’re always alright, which is ironic coming from him.

H = Hands (How do they like to hold hands?) - I see Tony as liking holding hands, but I can see him holding his pinky with yours. It might have started out as a joke but then he realized he loved it a lot so it stuck around that made him comfortable.

I = Impression (What was their first impression?) - He saw you at the party of course. You had attended with some of your friends. He thought you were one of the most gorgeous men he had even laid his eyes on. He of course was trying to get you in bed for a one night stand but after you turned him down, he couldn’t help but wonder…why did it hurt that you turned him down? He decided he was going to not keep trying to get you in bed to find out...he was going to take you on a date.

J = Jealousy (Do they get jealous?) - Oh you just KNOW Tony is a jealous man. It’s not that he thinks you’re his, but when it comes to other men flirting with you...that’s when you’re his. Especially when he sees Austin Hammer starting to flirt with you, Tony immediately slides in and wraps his arms around you before kissing your cheek. “Ah hammer I see you’ve met my boyfriend. Where’s yours at? Still ignoring your calls I’m guessing?” Tony said with a smile.

K = Kiss (How do they kiss? Who initiated the first kiss?) - Tony can go back and forth. He’s either kissing with fiery passion like how he would during his parties or with so much love and tender like if he let go he’d lose you forever. It was for sure Tony who initiated the first kiss.

L = Love (Who says ‘I love you’ first?) - Not Tony. Tony was not a person that could deal with personal feelings. Sure maybe he KNOWS he loves you but for some reason he just couldn’t get himself to actually yell you. That meant it was up to you to say it for and when you did Tony was quick to say it back, almost like he needed confirmation that you loved him too.

M = Memory (What’s their favourite memory together?) - Tony’s favorite memory would probably be his first date with you. The way you smiled at the food that was delivered to you. The way you laughed at some of his jokes he considered stupid. How at the end of the night when he asked you for another date and you said yes with your signature smile. THAT was his favorite memory that he keeps with him.

N = Nickel (Do they spoil? Do they buy the person they love everything?) - Yes. Tony thinks money is no object when it comes to you. Remember that giant bunny? Yeah imagine gifts like that and even fancier gifts. Sometimes you have to remind him that you don’t need all of the gifts...then he buys you double that.

O = Orange (What colour reminds them of their other half?) - Tony thinks of you when he sees the color Navy Blue. It was the color of the lighting in the room where he first saw you, and it reminds him of that night every time.

P = Pet names (What pet names do they use?) - He calls you: Dearest, Lover, Future Mr.Stark, Mr.Stark, light of my life, etc. He keeps coming up with them too.

Q = Quaint (What is their favourite non-modern thing?) - Tony? Being Quaint? It’s hard to imagine but it does happen! Tony rather loves when you read to him when he’s laying down using your lap as a pillow.

R = Rainy Day (What do they like to do on a rainy day?) - Like you had to ask. He’s in his lab working on things, however that doesn’t mean you’re alone. No, you’re also there with him helping him out or just keeping him company. He makes sure you know he’s not trying to ignore you.

S = Sad (How do they cheer themselves/others up?) - He has to get his creativity out. He’ll be in the lab making something or he will draw blueprints. But that’s just the mechanic side, the non mechanic side also loves to just hold you. Sometimes taking a nap with you is enough to make him better.

T = Talking (What do they like to talk about?) - NOT avengers talk. No talk of iron man or avengers, he doesn’t want that in his home. He’ll ask about how you’re doing or will tell you about how Pepper is taking good care of the company, but he will do everything in his power NOT to talk about work at home.

U = Unencumbered (What helps them relax?) - Music. He blasts his music so loud in his lab. It’s one of his ways to relax because he just loses himself in it. He absolutely loves when you start getting into the same music with him and especially loves it when you surprise it with VIP tickets to one of his favorite bands.

“You know I could have bought these right?”

“Yep, but I wanted to do something special for you finally.”

“I love you so much.”

V = Vaunt (What do they like to show off? What are they proud of?) - His intelligence. Tony likes to show off just how smart he is and put people in their place. Even you can’t deny, it’s pretty hot.

W = Wedding (When, how, where do they propose?) - Tony proposes to you during a vacation to Hawaii. It’s about two years after you started dating and he decides it’s time. He wanted to propose a lot earlier, but he didn’t want to seem desperate.

X = Xylophone (What’s their song?) - Demons by Imagine Dragons. Tony doesn’t know why, but every time he hears that song. He just gets so relaxed.

Y = Yes (Do they ever think of getting married/proposing?) - Oh yes he does. “M/n, We’ve been dating for a long time and I couldn’t imagine a better man to spend the rest of my life with. Will you do me the honor of becoming the other Mr.Stark?”

Z = Zebra (If they wanted a pet, what would they get?) - Honestly? A rat or a ferret. I can see Tony being a rodent person.

#tony stark #tony stark x male reader #tony stark x male!reader #tony stark fluff abc #fluff #fluff abc #fluff abcs

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a-solitary-marshmallow · 4 years ago

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Rewind Chapter 8 - It Gets Worse

We're coming into the endgame, boys! Not much more of the story to go. As always, hope you enjoy!

(I wrote this in a fit of inspiration and it hasn't had much editing, so let me know if you see a typo!)

______________________________________________________________

It took Ford a moment to realize he wasn’t in his body anymore.

He blinked his eyes open, groaning, foliage swimming above him. He couldn’t feel the snow gathering on his skin. He pushed himself up, running a hand through his hair-

And noticed that his body was still on the ground.

Ford cursed and scrambled away, hands scrabbling through snow without disturbing it. “No, no, no-” If he was out here, then Bill-

His body opened one yellow, slitted eye and grinned.

Ford jumped to his feet and stabbed a finger at the demon in his body and tried to control his trembling. “Get out of my body, you- you- monster!”

“Come on Sixer, be creative! Get some new insults.” Bill rose with unnatural jerky motions, one eye still closed and the other a jaundiced yellow. He dusted snow off Ford’s jacket. “Clumsy much? I had a whole plan to lure you outside the barrier but thanks to you fleshbags, I don’t even need it. A waste of perfectly good gasoline, is what I say.” He blinked with one eye, then opened the other one again with a laugh. “Ah, there’s the depth perception! You beings are so primitive.”

Ford ran a spectral hand through his spectral hair, panic rising in his throat and making him want to hurl, if spirits could throw up. “What’s your plan now? Fiddleford will stop you from sabotaging the portal, you can’t hide those eyes!”

“True.” Bill pulled himself to his feet. Even after weeks – months – of piloting Ford’s body he still looked just a little wrong, movements jerky like that of a marionette’s.

“Then – then what do you want from me?”

“What makes you think I want you?”

What? Of course Bill wanted him, Ford was the only one he needed for his plan! Besides, there was no one out here except for Ford, and-

And-

Oh. Oh no.

“You stay away from my brother!” Ford tried to dive back into his body but he merely went straight through. Bill laughed and dusted himself off.

“Jeez, Sixer, paranoid much? I’m not gonna hurt the little brat. Not right now, anyway.” He grinned too wide. It made his face look stretched and wrong. Ford threw a wild punch that phased right through him. Bill let out a laugh and started walking deeper into the forest, whistling a merry tune.

Ford ran.

He didn’t know what else to do – what could he do? He was a specter, only able to watch the proceedings in the physical plane. So he pelted away from Bill’s cheerful whistling in search of his brother. He had to – to warn Stan of what was coming, to do something.

Not having a physical form did have its advantages. Ford didn’t bother to duck around trees and brambles that were in his way. It was only a matter of time before he caught up with his twin. Stan hadn’t gotten far, after all.

“Stanley!” Ford rushed towards the boy-sized lump huddled against a tree trunk. His hand plunged right through Stan’s shaking shoulder. “Oh, curse it – Stan, listen to me! You’re in danger. Bill has my body and he’s coming after you, you have to move!”

Stan mumbled something and for one giddy moment Ford thought that he’d been heard, until he listened closer and understood the words.

“Stupid. Watcha gonna do now? Y’made both of ‘em mad atcha. Ruined everythin’ again. Ugh, what’s wrong with you?” Stan ground the heels of his palms into his eyes and hiccupped. Ford tried to grab his brother’s hands, but he only managed to grasp air.

“Stan – Stan, listen, please – oh, you’ve got to have something I can use!” He looked around for something he could use as a puppet, an avatar, anything. His search came up empty. Damn it, what could he do-

“Stanl-ley!”

“Oh Stan-ley!”

Stan jerked up the sing-song voice in the distance. His feet hurt and his head was throbbing from crying and he was lost in the snow but that didn’t matter, not when he could hear his brother’s voice calling him. His brother who didn’t sound mad anymore!

“F-Ford?” His voice wavered. Dang it, he had to stop acting like a kid! “What are ya doing out here…? Ya came after me?”

Ford did care! He’d come for him! And by the tone of his voice he didn’t seem mad, either. Stan almost tripped in his haste to get to his feet. He scrubbed at his face to get rid of the tear tracks before Ford could see how much of a baby he was being.

Heavy footsteps sounded through the bushes nearby. Why hadn’t Ford called out again? Maybe he was still mad? Stan had hit him, after all.

“I, I’m sorry I was stupid!” Stan searched frantically for his brother in the trees. “I promise I won’t touch your lab space anymore. I’ll be good!”

There! Stan bolted towards the familiar figure that had finally came into view. Ford laughed and knelt down to catch him, holding tight as Stan buried his face in his twin’s coat. Stan sniffled and tried to stop himself from crying again.

“You… you’re not mad at me?”

“Stanley.” Ford pulled back to smile at him reassuringly. “Of course I’m not mad. I’ve long since stopped expecting you to be anything but a dead weight.”

Stan stiffened. His brother’s arms suddenly felt a lot less warm and comforting. He forced a brittle smile. “…what?”

“You were just messing things up like you always do.” Ford continued conversationally. Stan tried to pull away but Ford’s grip was like iron, fingers gripping hard enough to leave bruises.

Stan had gotten plenty of bruises before, but never six-fingered ones. He tugged against the hold, chest heaving with panic. “Let go – Ford, lemme go-”

Ford’s grip loosened, letting Stan yank back to fast that he slipped and hit the ground. He scrambled away from his brother, heart racing, as Ford stood. The man loomed over him.

“You know, it’s actually pretty funny.” Ford said as Stan got his frozen feet beneath him and stumbled backwards. Ford’s eyes looked almost yellow in the morning light, and the worst thing was that Stan couldn’t even see any anger in them. Just pleasantness, evident in his eyes and his smile. “How you destroy everything you come across.”

“Ford-”

“Like my science project!” Now, finally, Ford’s face twisted in anger. “I know you remember it, Stanley. I know you know what happened. Tell me, did you plan it in advance? Or was it a spur-of-the-moment sabotage?”

“I didn’t mean to break it!” Stan all but screamed. He balled up his tiny fists and shook. “I didn’t – I didn’t, I wouldn’t! You’re a liar! I didn’t, I didn’t, I didn’t!”

“Oh, but you did.” Ford snarled. “You did and you would do it again, and do you know why? Because you’re a parasite, Stanley. You’re a leech, and that’s all you’ll ever be.”

A breeze ruffled Ford’s hair but nothing else, like an intangible fist passed through his face. Stan’s eyes were too full of tears to see it. He could feel Ford’s eyes burning into him, stripping away his defenses and angry words, leaving nothing but the thought that maybe, just maybe, Ford was right.

“J-Just leave me alone!” Stan sniffled and scrubbed at the endless tears pouring down his face while Ford watched with a sneer. “G-Go away and – and-”

“And what? Go back to my project? Let you wander around, making even more messes for me to clean up? No, you’re coming with me.”

Ford reached for Stan’s arm but he yanked it back, stumbling away. Ford’s lip curled and he lunged.

Stan turned on his heel and bolted.

His heart pounded in his ears and breaths rasping in his throat, burning with cold. Ford shouted angrily after him but this time Stan didn’t stop.

He didn’t stop running when Ford faded out of sight, or when he stopped being able to feel his feet, or when he was gasping for breath. He didn’t stop until his chest burned like it was going to explode. Stan staggered to a stop, catching a tree to stop himself falling into the snow. The cold hair burned against his skin.

Why didn’t he bring any warm clothes? His teeth were chattering in his head, he couldn’t feel his fingers anymore. His feet were blocks of ice and he was so, so tired.

Stan wanted to go home.

But Stanley pines never got what he wanted. Behind him, a low growl sounded.

Stan’s head whipped around to catch sight of the grey-furred creatures stalking towards him – three of them, ears pressed tight to their skulls and hair bristling, white teeth and yellow eyes glistening. Stan’s scream caught in his throat and came out as a squeak.

“Nice – nice doggies?”

The lead wolf let out a snarl. Stan crouched down and fumbled through the snow for a weapon, eyes pinned to the wolves. He grabbed something solid only for the chunk of snow to crumble in his grip.

What were you supposed to do with wolves? Play dead? Or was that bears? Make yourself bigger to scare them away?

One of the wolves tensed to lunge, but before either it or Stan could make a move a piercing whistle sounded. Stan clapped his hands over his ears to block out the ringing noise. One of the wolves leaned back on its haunches.

“Oi! Get away from that kid, you big lumps.” There was a flash of yellow and then something was floating between Stan and the wolves, making the creatures cower and whine. The giant yellow – dorito? – waved its hand, sending the wolves scattering like ants. They scampered into the undergrowth and were gone in seconds.

Stan’s savior leaned forward, as if checking they were truly gone. Stan tried to step towards the floating thing but hissed as pain lanced through his feet. The triangle swung around. It looked… kinda ridiculous. One huge eye took up most of the space on its form with a little glowing bowtie pinned underneath, a tall tophat hovering above its highest point. Its voice reverberated in his head.

“You must be freezing your toes off! Here kid, on the house.” The triangle summoned a cane to its thin black hand with a flourish. Stan’s feet tingled.

He yelped as cloth wrapped around his feet, and before he knew it he was standing in a pair of thick, warm fur boots. The triangle’s eye crinkled up happily and he floated over.

“…cool.” Stan’s voice came out as more of a breath, and the triangle let out a laugh. It didn’t have a mouth to move but the sound echoed inside Stan’s skull, overlayed like a dozen people were speaking at once. A dozen nasally people.

“Don’t mention it! How ya doin’, kid? My name’s Bill.”

“…Bill?” Stan echoed, wiping half-frozen tears from his stinging face. The same sounded familiar.

“Yeah, that’s my name. Got a problem with it?”

“It’s just… ‘Bill’ is such a normal name. I thought wizard triangles would have fancier names. Like… Xanthar. Or something.”

Bill waved his hand dismissively, shrinking a little bit so that he could look Stan in the eye without his dangling feet touching the ground. “That one’s taken, but we’re getting sidetracked here. I’m no wizard, kid! I’m a muse!”

“What’s a muse?”

Bill let out a huff. “It’s a – you know what? Just think of me like a genie.”

“Holy – a genie?” Stan’s mind raced and he counted off on his fingers. “Okay, my first wish is to have a million dollars. No, a billion dollars! And then-” Bill clapped a hand over his mouth before he could continue. The skin had a weird texture, smooth and glossy like plastic.

“It doesn’t work like that, Stanny boy! You gotta make a deal. More of an ‘I scratch your back, you scratch mine’ kinda thing. How about it?”

Making deals… Stan’s eyes widened with recognition and he batted the creature’s hand away.

“Hey, you’re no genie! You’re that Bill demon Ford was talking about!” He stabbed a finger accusingly at the creature, who tilted sideways with a little giggle.

“You got that right! I am a demon. But demons don’t all have to be bad, you know.”

Stan frowned. “Bad is exactly what demons are! You’re trying to hurt Ford!”

“I’m not trying to hurt him!” The demon pulled a hand to what could be its chest, lashes fluttering. “Stanford and I were old friends you know, before he betrayed me. He had the nerve to call me useless, you know. I’m sure you know how that feels.”

“Wha-”

Bill zipped forward to sling an arm around Stan’s shoulders, making him jump. “But you see, I’m actually pretty powerful! Enough to grant wishes, even. Not that Ford cares – he’s selfish, Stan. He’ll use you up until he has what he wants and then he’ll kick you to the curb, all in the name of ‘science’. No one knows that better than you and me.” Bill snapped his fingers. “Oh, I have an idea! Why don’t you make a deal with me? I could make all your dreams come true if you just ask!”

The demon spun away and extended an arm.

“So kid, waddya say?” Stan goggled at the cartoonish black hand stretched out towards him. Bill grinned a salesman’s grin – or as close to one as a triangle with no mouth and only one facial feature could.

“Ford said you trick people.” Stan protested, and Bill shrugged.

“Eh, nothing against old six-fingers, it’s just business. Or it was. See, that was before I knew we could join forces and both get what we want! Picture this, Staneroni – you open the portal and let me into this dimension, I get to start the party, and then I make you a whole new family! I’ll even throw in a Ford 2.0.”

“Uh, what-”

“The brother you’ve always wanted! A Ford that appreciates you, parents that love you, maybe even a promising career in treasure hunting?” Bill swooped down to elbow Stan playfully. “I’m like a genie in a bottle, kid, all you gotta do is let me outta the lamp. Then it’s sunshine and rainbows, or – whatever you fleshbags like. So, have we got a deal or what?”

Stan frowned, rubbing his cold nose. The demon’s words were quick and constant, and rung in his ears, making him dizzy. “What do you want in return?”

“Oh, just a little favour.” Bill seemed to be checking his nails, despite not having nails. “You know that big old machine in your brother’s basement? That’s a portal. Ford decided he didn’t need me anymore so he locked me out of this dimension. All I need is for you to open it so I can come back home!”

“But you’re here right now.” Stan argued. Bill rolled his eye.

“Not really, kid. I can interact with objects and make myself somewhat corporeal, but I don’t have a physical body! I’m weak like this. But if the portal was open and I could come through I would have all my power back! Enough power to give you anything you want.”

Stan’s heart was pounding in his head, making it hard to think. The triangle leaned towards him.

“What do you think, shortstack? I could give you ultimate power. Wanna be president? Or king? Your family would have to love you then! I could give you a new brother, heck, even a whole galaxy all of your own! All you gotta do is open one teensy little portal.”

“STAN!”

#gravity falls #rewind

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tsuki-sennin · 3 years ago

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DePaPre, Episode 9~! I spent all of yesterday recuperating from my Discord incident, so I couldn't make my dinner date with our Cure Pals, but breakfast is hardly a bad thing to share with friends~!

Spoilers, I guess...

-Chururin changing her content around seems pretty simple, but evidently Godatz and the Bundoru Gang .

-"I like the panda :))))"

-"Oh fuck that, noodles are what the people really need~!"

-"Yeah but pandas are epic. They do not post cringe, you will gain subscriber"

-"My family sells ramen for a living, I may have a bias!"

-This is our impasse.

-Wasn't there some other series made by Toei I was liveblogging with demon cults, human experimentation, and the horrific implication of being completely forgotten by one's own family? And another one where one of the heroes let a man die on screen because he hurt his wife?

-Not that I'm absolutely not enjoying this too, I just thought that the sheer contrast was funny. Besides, this is a nice change of pace from all

-"B r e a d"

-"Ah, y'know, I'm more of a makeup gal, last series really fit my tastes~!"

-All of these faces are simply immaculate.

-"OH GOD I NEVER SHUT THE FUCK UP"

-Ran-chan ily

-Whoa, hello, new animation.

-Watching cartoons with a doggo.

-"...do I put too much of my own thoughts out there...?"

-Narcistoru...? Oh, I see they finally cast you, you beautiful hunka man.

-"Did you do the thing yet?"

-Is that a radio?

-Okay bye, Gentle~!

-That's a whole-ass octopus!

-"Champagne Glass~!"

-Don't worry, it's apple juice.

-Daaaaaaamn, I wanna eat some of that too!

-Pam Pam do a peek.

-What kinda sweet filling didja put in there, Ran?

-Oh, that's a good face.

-THE GIRLS ARE FIGHTINGGGGGG

-"...girl, what?"

-"My grandmother once said... Souji, did you forget to pick up Jyuka from class?"

-Kome kome~! Feed her.

-Octopusless balls~!

-Well, they're having a nice time babysitting, at least~!

-Catch the babby.

-Oh yeah, baby. They cry. They get tired.

-Oh my god, they really are dating.

-Like, I was partially kidding about the whole OT3 thing, but they're literally fighting like an old married couple! My fucking god! These bitches gay! Good for them! Good for them.

-Oh my god, are we doin' this again? Noodle Pandas.

-Gentle do a run~!

-Oh, a whole friar~! Or, frier. Friar is very different.

-"We spent way too long animating the Yum-Yum Sequence! You are seeing it in full plenty of times! We got hacked, we waited long enough, you are seeing it!"

-"Hah. I will defeat these kids because they are stupid and I am an epic, genius grown-up!"

-Oh my god, that is solid steel!

-Oh!? Amane Kasai sabotaged herself!

-OHHHHHHHHH HER EYE IS BLUE

-"Different tastes getting along makes miso more flavorful."

-"All girls are equally beautiful" also seems to be a bit of advice these three'd follow to heart, given the content of this episode lol

-The solution has presented itself.

-"Ubaaaaaaaaaaooooooow, my knees!"

-Yui can't really kick a giant block of metal, but she certainly can punch it~!

-Ran-Ran, yasss, slay! Pretty Holic goin' strong.

-Heart Bread~! Damn, that's tasty looking.

-Kome-Kome! She grows!

-She speaks!

-Soon, she'll be able to kill a man with her bare hands.

-"We can communicate now!"

-"Ohhhhh, she's so cute and tol now~!"

-"HOW THE FUCK IS THIS CHILD SO BIG"

-Ahhhh, panda with the noodles~!

-Ah, there it is. I believe that Heart Juicy Mixer thing was among the things that got leaked.

-Looking forward to the next episode~!

#if you receive a little kindness give them a large serving!#delicious party precure #precure #pretty cure #delicious party pretty cure #depapre

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djemsostylist · 3 years ago

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Djem's Legion Thoughts

About three years ago my brother joking suggested I read the Horus Heresy, knowing literally nothing about Warhammer. (Literally nothing. I just thought Space Marines were big dudes in armor and I had never heard of Primarchs and I still know nothing of 40k. Have no idea how the Heresy ends--I'm spoiler free babes.) Anyway, what follows are my feelings on each Legion at the following times:

As of midway through Fulgrim

At the end of First Heretic

At the start of the Master of Mankind

Halfway through the Siege

This is very long. I'm not sorry.

Dark Angels

idk I haven’t met them yet, but their name tells me they are either going to be amazing or fucking awful

Um I still dk

God I fucking love these stupid idiots. Like, they are stupid, for sure, but I dunno, I dig their bizarre sort of pseudosecrecy thing. Plus, aesthetically I’m all about weird monk orders. Also, nothing kills me quite like Farith Redloss having anxiety attacks over trying to figure out Lion.

Corswain showing up like the living embodiment of the dude with the pizza where the apartment is on fire is just so deeply on brand for these chucklefucks like, Lion is all “I’m deeply uncomfortable where Imperial Secundus is concerned so instead I’ll just go ahead and attack home planets because that will demoralize the traitors and then I’m Doing My Part” like fam, pretty much all the traitors sans Perturabo are actual literal demons rn and they all had zero qualms betraying their immediate brothers and also the emperor (and Perturabo already fucked over his own) why in the livid fuck would you think this is in any way helpful, but this is Classic Lion and I love him now on account of that one time when he hugged Roboute because he was proud of him and also because he calls all of his sons “Little Brother” bc he is afraid of being a dad and also because I too am deeply avoidant of issues I don’t want to deal with.

Emperor's Children

mostly wonderful, because they are fabulous and also extremely extra, but they have the most ginourmous fuckwad as a Lord Commander, BUT they have a very good boy as another one, so idk really. Plus the whole betrayal thing and the fucking lodges, but they are purple and fabulous, so, +1?

These are the saddest boys ever in the whole world, and they didn’t deserve what happened to them. I loved them all except for Eidolon and they didn’t deserve anything bad to happen to them ever bc they were precious and I loved them. Also Fabius because he was bugnuts and he hurt my boys.

Jesus, I’m so fucking over them all

Honestly I’m so tired

Iron Warriors

I totally confused them with the Iron Hands. Idk even, boring? But Perturabo (while he has a fucking terrible name) also hates Horus so +15

I still know nothing about them, but I think they are buttholes because of the whole Isstvan V thing. Dick move guys, dick move.

I literally can’t. Like, their entire shtick is besieging and being besieged, and then being pissy bc it is what they are good at???? Like, they are literally traitoring bc their dad got a hair up his ass bc he wasn’t a good independent thinker and didn’t think he was allowed to build castles or whatever? Idk they are exhausting except for the ones that aren’t

I still don’t really get them at all except like 99% of them who aren’t named Barabas Dantioch are asshats and are not independent thinkers who are literally still traitoring for reasons unknown except to stick it to the emperor like?? Get an actual culture??? Just literally stop???

White Scars

I dunno, haven’t met them, but since no one else talks about them, I’m gonna guess, boring?

I dunno but they are worried about them hooking up with the Rout so I guess they are cool?

Oh bless your tiny little souls. They are so sweet, and so, so dumb. But sweet.

They are very, very good boys. They don’t have a ton of range per say but their simplicity is sort of the point I think. They are what space marines are supposed to be, and I love them for that

Space Wolves

ehm, oh, I’m sorry, The Rout. Whateverthefuck, they’re boring, over-the-top fuckheads who are giant fucking hypocrites who suck and probably don’t ever shower. Honestly, they rival the Emperor’s Children in extraness, and not in the loveable way. Fucking awful, 0/10.

Okay, honestly, not as awful as some. I mean, hella extra and I hate what they did at Prospero, but in a world full of awful things, we gotta pick and choose.

They are just so, so...Space Wolfy. Bless them they try, and some of them legit crack me up. I’m just not about their aesthetic, you know?

Much like the other fuckups amongst the Loyalists, they are a blunt instrument used for a specific purpose and do better with like...direct instruction. I’m saying they are not the kind to do well with metaphor and also a lack of like, a dad. They need TE:BBA is what I’m saying.

Imperial Fists

Literally only met them briefly, but they seem a good sort. I like their Primarch? -3 tho cause damn that color scheme.

Still good boys.

Omg I love you all, you precious little bbs. They are just so calm and stoic and honestly even though yellow is a hideous color they are literally like Templars and that is fantastic?????

Listen, the amount of love that I have in my heart for these precious, perfect boys is rivaled only by my love for Rogal Dorn, who might possibly be, and I don’t wanna sound dramatic here, be the love of my life but anyway.

Night Lords

idk but their name sounds sick.

Right, these guys are also dicks. I hate them on principle.

Every time I think of them all I can think of is that one video of the goths dancing under the bridge. They are so. Fucking. Extra. Christ alive, get a hobby that isn’t fucking skinning people.

Yeah idk they still mostly suck and to be perfectly honest I’m still not entirely sure what their point was, even pre-heresy? Like what role did psychopaths play in TE:BBA’s plan for a glorious human empire, someone explain

Blood Angels

I dunno cause I’ve only ever met their First Captain (who was consorting with fuckheads) but Sanguinius is literally Top Tier Fabulous, like Prince Extra, so I hope they don’t let me down

I’m still holding out hope. Don’t let me down boys.

OH. MY. GOD. Honestly, kill me, I love them so, so, so, so, so much, it’s a lot. And I suspect something terrible will happen with them but I don’t care because they are perfect. All of them. Wonderful, perfect, lovely, caring boys who love their dad and I love them. Sweet, loving, precious little bbs who occasionally suffer from tragic vampiric tendencies but I don’t love them any less. They better stay perfect forever. If I could, I would be like Sangy and just take them all everywhere with me so that they could always be safe <3 On a less gushy note, I think one of the most important aspects of the Blood Angels (and of their primarch) is that while they acknowledge their differences from unmodified humans, they also love humanity, deeply. They see them as worth fighting for and protecting, and acknowledge that their abilities allow them to create a universe that is safe for the common man to live in. There is a sort of profound love and tenderness that they have for humanity, and I think it really does make a difference in their legion. (That scene is Master of Mankind with the Blood Angel and the Custodian really highlights what I’m saying here.)

Listen, this may sound dramatic, and I don’t wanna like, go over the top, but I would literally die for them, which would seem counterproductive since that is what they do for humanity but the amount of love of I have for this entire legion and one Angel is too big to contain in my heart okay

Iron Hands

I don’t know them well yet, but they seem like good boys overall. I’m sure one of them is bound to be a crazy fucker tho.

They are good boys. I don’t know them very well, but my favorite moment is when Ferrus had to thank Lorgar for his help so he made him a crozius and then threw it at him because he didn’t want to have to talk awkwardly.

Poor sad bbs

No, but really, poor sad bbs

World Eaters

literally terrible people, but I guess when your Dad is bugnuts….

Definitely should have been put down. As in to death. They should have been killed. Probably.

Still fucking crazy. But I love Kharn, and honestly Lotara (who I know isn’t technically a World Eater but close enough.)

No but they probably should have all been just euthanized? I mean not Kharn bc I love him but also like--they are not viable. Long term? Tbh still not entirely sure what TE:BBA’s plan was here with them and Angron (I’m gonna assume something along the lines of ignore it and hope it goes away, since that is mostly his plan for everything)

Ultramarines

probably enormous squares, but tbh in a galaxy with World Eaters and the Rout, we could do with some squares.

Honestly, I have no issues with them. They do their duty, they are loyal. I hope to love them though. They actually believe in colors.

HOLY FUCK DO I LOVE THEM. ALL 200,000 OF THEM. (Which is probably what Roboute thinks tbh.) Like, I literally haven’t met a single one that I don’t adore and love with my whole soul and entire being. They are precious, soft, beautiful bbs who I adore with my whole heart. And who will make great leaders of the world someday I’m so proud. On a less gushy note, much like the Blood Angels, the Ultramarines really have a sort of profound feeling of protection and duty towards humans. They may not always like dealing with them, but Roboute is of the firm belief that they must understand what they are truly fighting for. Saving humanity is not enough, you have to fight for the humans who live there. (See, the one short story where they find a baby and I died.)

No but what you don’t quite get is that I literally love them. Every single individual solitary one of them, and while some may say “But Djem such a thing is impossible you haven’t met every Ultramarine” I need you to understand that the depth of my love for them and their Primarch is such that I know, in my bones, that I don’t need to meet them all to love them okay bc I already do.

Death Guard

Okay, so honestly I wanted to hate them (because BETRAYAL) but tbh its only the First and Second Captains who suck a lot and idk really the rest are sort of tragically precious??

Seriously, what is Mortarion’s issue?

No, seriously, what the fuck is their problem? Get the fuck over it.

Okay, I do feel bad. For Mortarian. Of all the traitors, him I understand the most. However, that being said, while I can understand his issues, I feel like giving yourself over to demons, turning into actual demons, and also turning on and killing your brothers who refused to become said demons makes you terrible awful people who really need to like, die.

Thousand Sons

okay, I fucking love these lame Warrior Monk Priest Wizards who live in a literal glass city with restaurants and teach random people Tai Chi in the park or whatever. Overall 10/10

I am v. worried that they are going to do something dumb like join the rebellion in order to affect change from the inside and then like, adopt demons or something. Pls don’t be dumb boys.

I don’t even fucking--look, I’m just tired okay?

What the fuck Azhek. No seriously, ⅞ is good enough? What the fuck is wrong with you?

Sons of Horus? Luna Wolves? who the fuck knows

my precious sons. You did not deserve what was done to you. This is why we don’t do frats. I believed in you and you failed me. D:

I love my precious sons. The Sons of Horus however, can go die.

I just--why are you the way you are?

I think the best thing about these absolute morons is that half the legion isn’t even demon fuckers, they just woke up one day and Horus told them to kill their brothers and they went “sure okay” and then just did. They are so fucking pretentious and stupid, fucking speartip, honestly die. I take it back. You all deserved exactly what you got, you dumb fucks.

Word Bearers

look, I haven’t met the rest of these dudes yet, but Erebus is a terrible fucking ambassador. -60/10 for not controlling their boy

HOLY LORD. I cannot--there are not actually words to describe how much I loathe these ignorant dumbasses. Like, seriously. Honestly, the ones who were purged were probably lucky, because the rest of them fucking suck.

God, eat a fucking landmine. Except, that would probably turn them on or something. Fucking assholes.

Just--imagine being such a fuckup that even when you were the first to the “become a demon, save the world” thing you still somehow ended up last. I hope the Ultramarines put down every. Single. One.

Salamanders

idk but this name is dumb. Salamanders are cute and slimy, and while Astartes are fucking adorable, they are not slimy. -1 for the dumb name

They are loyal, which is cool, and they seem like chill bros.

I just, like, they are sweet, but good lord are they simple.

I’m not sure? What they are doing? With their lives? Guys, idk if anyone told you but like, um. There is a war. And I get they’ve had it rough but also the loyalists could use their hope so maybe, idk. Do something? I mean I know there are like, 50 of you left and also you think your dad is dad and I feel you but like-

Raven Guard

idk but I like Ravens and Black, plus their Primarch’s name is Corvus? 11/10 they better not suck.

OMG I love Corvus?? Flies with a giant jetpack and tried to gut Lorgar? Yeah, he’s wonderful. Plus, their Captain seemed cool before he was fucking murdered.

I love them all, bless. They are sweet and simple and kind of stupid, but they make me feel things in my heart, so like, idk, stay precious.

Look, I cried over Branne fucking Nev, I don’t wanna talk about it rn

Alpha Legion

seriously? Lame.

Fuck these guys. What is their deal?

I can’t even really. I really, truly can’t. Nothing has ever satisfied me the way I was satisfied when Alpharius literally lost his head. God, that was beautiful.

Or Omegon? It was actually Omegon? I don’t even know anymore man

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