#this isn’t really a ship thing but you go ahead and think how you please

[invisiblearsonist]

underrated supernatural duo — sam and rowena

like come ON. they are actually everything to me.

[joedirtymadre]

How bout an angst and fluffy Luffy x reader? Like, he's trying his best to be a good boyfriend but he doesn't know exactly how do it. So he gets insecure and afraid of reader leaving him

The Painting

LUFFY X READER! ANGST + FLUFF! (STILL ACCEPTING REQUESTS! SEND EM RN! 😤😤)

You were peacefully working on a new painting. You had a strong passion for art, but recently you have decided to pick up painting again. Plus, today is a slow day on the ship, so why not? You hummed to yourself, as you continued to add the finishing touches to your work. “Wow, you really outdid yourself this time,” you smiled to yourself as you took a moment to look at your canvas. It was a portrait of the whole crew, you wanted to surprise everyone at dinner with it. You spent the last few weeks on it too, so I’m sure that they’ve been waiting for the reveal.

You then heard your door open and saw Luffy. “Hey Luffy,” you smiled. “Hi (Y/N)! Hey can I hide here? I’m playing hide and seek with Usopp and Chopper,” he explained as he ran over and gave you a quick peck on the cheek. “Sure, but please don’t tip over my supplies. Last time you made a mess I spent 2 weeks cleaning it up,” you sighed. “I promise!” He said as he quickly jumped into your supply closet.

You continued your artwork, until you were disrupted again. You heard a small knock on the door and soon Chopper opened the door. “Hi Chopper, what brings you here?” You asked. “Hi (Y/N)! Have you seen Luffy?” He asked. “Hmmm… I haven’t sorry,” you smiled. “Hmmm… well can I look around your office? Just in case,” he said. “Go ahead,” you said as you continued painting.

Chopper checked under the table, in your art boxes, and was now heading to your closet. You lightly giggled as you knew your boyfriend was about to get caught. Chopper quickly opened the closet door, and out jumped Luffy. He began running around the small office, “Hey Luffy, this isn’t tag!” Chopper shouted as he chased him. “Now it is!” He yelled, as they circled around you. “Luffy be care-“ you were cut off by Luffy running into you. You fell straight into your paint, easel, and most importantly your painting.

The two boys quickly stopped and stared as you slowly picked yourself up and stared at the destroyed painting. Smudged and ripped, even your easel broke. “(Y-Y/N) I-“ you ran out before you could hear another word from your stupid boyfriend.

Luffy’s POV

I watched as (Y/N) ran off, I tried to chase after her but Chopper blocked me. “Wait! I think she should be alone right now Luffy, she might say something she doesn’t mean because of how she’s feeling. So, just give her some space,” he explained. “But I have to tell her I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to. I just wanted to play,” I explained. “I know, but we messed up. Really bad, and she needs time to herself right now,” Chopper said. I grabbed my head in frustration.

I looked over to the destroyed painting and realized it was a painting of all of us. “This is what she’s been working on for weeks,” I said softly. “Oh no, and we ruined it!” Chopper cried. “No, I ruined it. I always ruin things for her,” I said as I picked up the painting. “That’s not true, she loves you Luffy,” Chopper said. I shook my head, “She deals with me, I keep doing dumb things and it always ends with me hurting her or breaking her stuff,” I sighed as I placed the canvas on her table.

“It’s ok Luffy, if she didn’t love you she wouldn’t be with you. Right?” Chopper asked. “I guess,” I said. “I’m gonna go check on her,” Chopper said before running out of the room. I sat on her stool and stared at the mess I made. “Why do I keep messing things up? Maybe… I should leave her alone, then she wouldn’t have to deal with me. She could tell me to leave her alone if we weren’t dating, like Nami,” I said to myself.

I dragged myself to the deck and straight to my spot, to try and think. “Hey Luffy,” Nami said as she sat on her beach chair. “Hey…” I said softly as I continued to drag myself. “What’s wrong? Did (Y/N) kick you out of her art room?” She laughed. “No,” I moped. “Woah, then what’s wrong? Here come take a seat,” she said as she pointed to the other beach chair.

I told her the whole story and ended up with 4 bumps on my head. “You idiot! How could you do that to her?” Nami frowned. “I know… Nami… has she ever talked about how much I mess up around her?” I asked. “(Y/N)? No, not really. She just tells me how fun and cute you are,” she explained. “Really? Even that time I broke her clay pot?” I asked. “Oh man, she was so mad that day, but no… Now that I think about it she didn’t talk bad about you,” Nami said. “What about the time I accidentally squeezed her paint tube too hard and it got all over her face?” I asked. “Nope, nothing,” she said. “Or when I dropped-“ I was cut off.

“Ok I get it, you’ve done a lot of bad things. But she’s never talked bad about you, I think she knows that mistakes happen… especially around you,” Nami pointed out. “But I really messed up this time, what if she wants to break up. She should break up with me… I keep making her mad or sad,” I sighed as I fell back into the chair. “Or… you could make it up to her. Come on captain, you’ve fought warlords and admirals. I’m sure you can fix this problem and make your girlfriend a little less mad at you,” she said. “You’re right! I can try and fix it!” I said excitedly. “But I’m gonna need help,” I said, determined.

Your POV

You’ve been in bed for the last 6 hours. Chopper and Nami checked up on you, but you had no strength to get up. You just need some time to calm down. Suddenly a knock on your door, you didn’t respond, hoping the person on the other side would think you’re asleep. However, the door slowly opened. You saw your idiot captain peek inside, “(Y/N)?” He called out.

“Go away Luffy, I don’t feel good right now,” you said as you turned around, showing your back to him. “I just wanted to say I’m sorry, really sorry… I know you’re really mad at me, but I wanted to make it up to you,” he said as he stepped close. “How?” You asked. “Can I show you?” He asked, placing a hand on your shoulder. You slowly turned around, seeing a distressed look on your usually careless boyfriend. “Sure,” you said calmly before getting up.

“But I need you to wear this,” he said, handing you a blindfold. You stared at it with one eyebrow raised. “Please?” He asked. You nodded and quickly put it over your eyes, you then felt a warm hand grab yours. “Alright hold on,” you heard, before being picked up in bridal style. “L-Luffy?” You asked, feeling your face heat up. “Well, I don’t want you to trip while being blindfolded, so I’ll just carry you,” he explained.

You then laid in his arms as he carried you to wherever it was that he wanted to show you. “Alright, I’m gonna put you down now,” he said softly before helping you down onto your feet. “Alright now on 3, take off your blindfold,” he said as he stepped away from you. “Ok,” you said.

“1,2,3,” he said, and you quickly took off the blindfold. You gasped at the scene in front of you. It was your art room, clean and way more organized than it was before. Also, your easel was fixed with a bunch of more upgrades to it, and finally your eyes fell to the painting on the easel. “My painting!” You said excitedly. You smiled as you saw the rough strokes and the taped backing. It wasn’t perfect, but it was way better than how it looked earlier.

“Did you do all of this?” You turned to ask Luffy. “I had some help, but I wanted to fix what I messed up earlier,” he explained. You ran over and gave him a kiss, “Thank you Luffy! I’m so happy,” you smiled and hugged him. “You’re not still mad?” He asked nervously. “Mad?” You asked, confused. “Well… I always mess up your crafts or art projects, I know how upset it makes you,” he said as he stared at the floor. “Well I do get a bit upset, but I know you don’t mean it. I just give myself some time alone so I don’t say anything that I might regret later,” you explained. “Wow, Chopper was right,” he said.

“But I’m really sorry I messed up your painting, I know how hard you worked on it,” he said, before pulling you into a hug. “It’s ok, I forgive you. Just next time, no more games in my art room, ok?” You asked. “Deal,” he smiled. “Oh, I made you something,” he said, pulling away. “Huh?” You asked. He grabbed a small canvas from the table and turned to show you.

You pouted when you realized it was a portrait of you and him. “I know it’s not that good, but-“ you interrupted him. “It’s perfect! I’ll hang it up right now!” You said as you pulled him into a hug. “Really?” He said excitedly. “Yeah, and we should paint together sometime, you’re a natural,” you smiled, before giving him a kiss on the cheek. “You think so? I did have fun doing this,” he grinned. “Mhmm!” You nodded and you both went to hang his masterpiece on your wall.

[humanradiojmp]

My blind reaction to TADC Episode 4

Spoilers ahead, so precede with caution

It’s nice to see the characters outside Pomni interacting with each other. Shows more for the other characters And shows Pomni is starting to become more adjusted to the place.

I actually believe Jax in that he didn’t intentionally break her mask, but he would have eventually

Zooble’s room. That’s it

So does that mean Gangle can wear any mask? Like, if there was an adventure where there were different masks available, could she wear them? And how much would it affect her? I kind of want to see her wear an Oni mask or something similar and see what happens

Caine, are you trying to traumatize your guests?

Honestly, who would want that to happen to them?

Maybe if you looked at it at least once, the common complaint of you being bad at your job wouldn’t be an issue, Caine

Expected of Jax

Also weirdly expected of Jax for that response

Who suggested that? I’m half wondering if it’s someone that’s been there a while and wanted something “normal”, and possibly one of the now abstracted circus members

Gangle actually smiling and more than for a few seconds is so different yet so nice

Jax’s face at the day’s adventure is hilarious

Did Kinger suggest that to be nice to Caine or to get out of the minimum wage-based labor? Who knows for certain?

Your opinion and objections are invalid; you’re going on the adventure

“Can we go to McDonald’s?” “We have McDonald’s at home.” The McDonald’s at home:

Oh yeah she was definitely a shift manager before

Ragatha, No!

giving Caine the idea of extra motivation after an adventure definitely isn’t going to backfire in a future episode; I’m sure of that

Jax is getting his just deserts while manning the only deserts in the store

Please get Ragatha out of the deep fryer, that can’t be good for her cloth body

Honestly, what else did you expect; that’s your hand

From a previous adventure, eh? [I think we all know where this is going]

Basically what it’s like when you can barely understand a customer despite asking for clarification Three times and you go with the closest thing on the menu

Makes me think of those places where they have excessively complicated names for their dishes, but in this case, it’s real

Having an employee that’s (borderline) high is completely accurate for food service businesses

Yep, called it

I honestly was not expecting GummiGoo to come back, nor was I expecting him to come back this soon if he was

Was that joke necessary?

Don’t, don’t, don’t be suspicious

The shippers are going to go crazy with that comment

Ngl, I kind of like the Gloink Queen

That’s oddly specific

Since we’re airing our grievances that may or may not be related to our job, let me take a minute to convince you to put up giant glow-in-the-dark house numbers, because I’m super frustrated when I can’t read the tiny non-reflective house numbers and have no idea if I’m at the actual place for the delivery; especially when the numbers are in a really inconvenient location so I definitely can’t see them

That’s low-key horrifying

Again, borderline high is acceptable so long as it’s away from the food and out of the customer’s sight

I get that reference!

I have a feeling every time there’s a crack, the tragedy mask is cracking. So when she takes off the painted one?

Gangle having an existential crisis is not what I was expecting

One of the shift leaders at my job used to say that all the time

Oh nevermind, it’s still there

At least Pomni tried

I like how the cars are labeled

Zooble having to do everything while Ragatha is just zonked out is… interesting

I kind of wish I actually went through with saying this prior, but I really hope Gangle doesn’t abstract. I think it would be unfair for the character and a little too soon narratively speaking for it to be effective. But it seems we might be getting that…

Pomni to the rescue, thank you, girl!

Shankshaw Redemption staring Gangle

And we’re back to our cruel reality

I know a lot of people ship abstragedy, but I more platonically pair them up. I see them as the best of friends who unintentionally mess crap up and have each other’s back. Seems like that’s at least partially true

Is it just me or was this episode kind of depressing

Watching this whole I work at my minimum wage food service job probably wasn’t the best idea….

And that’s episode 4

[steddieunderdogfics]

This week’s writer spotlight feature is: Atalia_Gold! @ataliagold has 77 fics on Ao3 in the Stranger Things fandom and all of them are in the Steddie tag.

Our anonymous nominator recommends the following works by @ataliagold:

My, My, Those Eyes Like Fire

Keep My Hand In Yours

I Can Wait For You At The Bottom

Oh Darling, Please Be Mine

The Wreckage Of You I No Longer Reside In

"Atalia_Gold has written fics I just go back and read over and over again. I love the way they write the characters and all the very different universes and situations they end up in. One of my favorite authors of all time!" -- Anonymous

Below the cut, @ataliagold answered some questions about their writing process and some of their recommended work!

Why do you write Steddie?

I love the pairing so much. Steve is my favourite character ever, I loved him since series 1, but I never had anyone to ship him with until series 4 as Harringrove just wasn’t for me, so when Eddie came along I just thought wow they’re so perfect together.

What’s your favorite trope to READ?

Hurt/comfort, sick/injured Steve and Eddie doing the comforting/caretaking is my absolute favourite, but there’s a lot of stuff I love to read.

What’s your favorite trope to WRITE?

Same as the above, I love Steve so much but I love to hurt him haha. (So long as there’s a happy ending!)

What’s your favorite Steddie fic?

You’re Divine by Oonionchiver. I love so many of their fics, but this one consumed my soul and was a big contributor to me wanting to write my own fics. A close second would be Take the Money and Run by thisapplepielife - so damn good.

Is there a trope you’re excited to explore in a future work but haven’t yet?

I have a modern AU idea, and I have done one modern AU before but this one will be quite different, the subject matter is much lighter/more humorous and I’m excited to try that - usually a lot of angst slips in even when I try to keep things light so we’ll see how that goes haha. Also planning to throw in the good old one bed trope into that, which I love reading but haven’t written before.

What is your writing process like?

…there is no process haha. I have an idea, usually a scene or a line or just a feeling, and I start writing and see what happens. I don’t plan anything ahead, I don’t write anything down that isn’t literally just the story, I don’t know how long it’ll be etc - I just start writing and see where the characters want to go. I tend to write up a chapter or a oneshot in a day (sometimes two if I’m busy), then think about it overnight, edit the next day, and then post it once I’m ready.

Do you have any writing quirks?

Maybe a couple of little ones - I’m a fan of ironically both run-on sentences and line breaks - can never have enough line breaks for me. I use them a lot to emphasize things or just because they feel right. Run-on sentences I often use to show a character being indecisive/spiraling/emotional just because it sort of reflects that state.

Do you prefer posting when you’ve finished writing or on a schedule?

…neither. I have no schedule, but I also don’t wait until I’ve finished because I’m too impatient, and I find posting chapters as soon as I’m finished quite motivating. I’m a fairly quick writer so I can usually comfortably post a few updates a week.

Which fic are you most proud of?

That’s hard. I guess it would be The Wreckage Of You I No Longer Reside In, because it was the second fic I ever wrote and the first one longer than a small oneshot. I had covid, a lot of free time on my hands, and no idea what I was doing, but people seemed to really like it and I was floored by the response it got. There’s other fics too though, like My, My Those Eyes Like Fire or Keep My Hand In Yours that come close.

How did you get the idea for Oh Darling, Please Be Mine?

This fic happened while I was writing something else that I was struggling with a bit. Oh Darling, Please Be Mine was me returning to writing something familiar, something I felt comfortable with, and I enjoyed that one. I had worked as a vet nurse before and I really wanted to write vet tech Steve and Steddie with kittens.

When writing I Can Wait For You At The Bottom, what was something you didn’t expect?

That some people would comment and tell me it was accurate to their own experiences with depression. That’s one of the heaviest fics I’ve written and it dealt with Steve seriously struggling with his mental health. I was a little worried when writing it that I wasn’t depicting depression accurately - I’ve never been diagnosed with it myself despite definitely struggling with it or something very similar before. So I just wrote from the heart and people seemed to appreciate it, and I’m glad people found it authentic.

What inspired Keep My Hand In Yours?

I’d wanted to do a post-apocalypse fic for a long time. I love that genre so much, I love the idea of these characters being completely stripped down and having to survive in a very difficult world. Also, the title is from the Noah Kahan song Everywhere, Everything, and a lot of those lyrics inspired the fic too, especially the relationship between Steve and Robin.

What was your favorite part to write from Keep My Hand In Yours?

I think the reunion scene between Robin and Steve, or the scenes with Steve and Eddie at the cabin by the lake. I’d had those scenes in my mind for months before even starting to write that fic, and couldn’t wait to get to them.

How do/did you feel writing My, My, Those Eyes Like Fire?

I loved writing that fic. For me it was just such fun to write - I love sword fights/ancient history/that whole…genre. So I really loved writing that one, and it was literally entirely inspired by Joe Keery’s lovely gladiator outfit.

What was the most difficult part of writing The Wreckage Of You I No Longer Reside In?

That one wasn’t difficult, it really flowed. The most difficult part was actually maybe just sharing it - for so long I was terrified of putting my work out there, because I was convinced people would hate it or it wasn’t good enough/nowhere near as good as other authors’ works.

Do you have a favorite scene and/or line from any of your fics?

It’s hard to think of one, there’s so many that are special to me for different reasons, but I think it would have to the be the Steve and Robin reunion scene from Keep My Hand In Yours: In the distance, two figures approached. Steve ran to them, caution thrown aside – he couldn’t make out their faces from here, but he knew one of them was Robin. He’d know her in the dark; would know her even if he were blind and deaf. One of the figures broke away from the other, running for Steve. They met in the middle of a dirt road at the end of the world, Steve scooping his best friend into his arms and dropping to his knees in the dust.

Do you have any upcoming projects or fics you’d like to share/promote?

I have five fics ready to go for the Summer Things Fest, they’ll be released anonymously at first and then creators revealed a bit later, so keep an eye out for those later in July! Other than that, my current WIP We Made Universes Out Of Bitten Lips And Broken Hands is nearing the end at the time of writing this - a few more chapters to go and that’ll be complete. I’m away for the whole of July so not starting anything big until I get back, but I have a few ideas brewing, including a modern AU where Eddie and Dustin drag Steve along to New Zealand (where I’m from) to visit Lord of the Rings filming locations, and I’m quite excited to write that later in the year - planning at this stage for it to be upbeat and fun.

Outside of these questions, Is there anything YOU would like to add?

Just a thank you to anyone who has ever read my fics and dropped kudos or comments, I never expected people to even read my fics let alone enjoy them, so I’m really grateful to everyone who has. There’s some massively talented people here and their fics have helped me in so many ways over the years. And I’m happy to have met some lovely people through writing fics too :)

Thank you to our author, @ataliagold, and our anonymous nominator! See more Atalia_Gold's of works featured on our page throughout the day!

Writer’s Spotlight is every Wednesday! Want to nominate an author? You can nominate them here!

[ryuichirou]

Replies

A couple of replies. Some thoughts and hcs about Cater, too.

Starting with the most important stuff.

Anonymous asked:

no, please, go ahead, tell us about the color of leonas butthole

Anonymous asked:

Hi... Wait, I really want to know the color of Leona’s butthole.. 🤣 it made me remember, a couple of years ago at jpntwt, the artists made drawings about the color of Jamil's nipples (lol).

✊😔 vox populi – vox dei

It’s #A0522D (Sienna)

Also I am very happy that people are passionate about Jamil’s nipples, this is very correct of them.

Anonymous asked:

Your Herman/Violet art always makes my day so much brighter when it's on my dash! Thank you for making and sharing it! :D

Thank you so much, Anon! <3 This is so wonderful to hear. They are a very special ship hehe.

I would love to post more stuff with them, and I am happy that you love seeing them.

Anonymous asked:

Hi Ryu & Katsu,

Do you have anything (headcanons, art, ships, other?) for Cater? You pinned post says you headcanon him as a top, but aside from that you don't really have anything except a couple mentions in longer replies.

Sorry for the late reply, Anon!

Unfortunately, Cater isn’t a frequent guest in this blog :( We only posted my sketches of him once, and I think I don’t have any more drawings of him oops. We don’t dislike him, in fact, we find him very interesting and see his potential, but we just haven’t seen anything of him that would make us want to drop everything and do something with him.

While there aren’t any ships that we are super passionate about (yet), we did talk about a couple of possible ships with Cater: Cater/Idia, Cater/Vil, Cater/Malleus.

I can’t really give you a proper list of hcs, but I can share a couple of thoughts!

He has taught Ace and Deuce how to skateboard. And he enjoyed it way too much because he got to be a cool senpai who knows all the impressive tricks and stuff.

Cater smokes, and of course it’s a huge secret. A couple of people might know because they’ve seen him (Lilia, Trey and Deuce), but they didn’t rat on him. He hides his cigs very well and makes sure he doesn’t smell suspicious… he tries not to do it very often, but there are days when he smokes every 6 hours or so.

He used to have a lot of flings and fleeting romances in his previous schools, but got tired of it over time because acting cute all the time is already tiresome, but acting cute in a romantic setting is even more tiresome; so he is yet to have a fling with anyone in NRC. He does miss romance though, but wants to have something more substantial than just someone to kiss during the recess.

Cater finds Vil and Malleus very attractive because of their mature sex appeal and their overall allure. It’s very different from the type of boyfriend he usually goes for: he can’t really see these two having a “puppy love” type of relationship. And he is kind of sick of puppy love…

That being said, if he was to be in a relationship with someone, he would probably force the puppy love thing on this person because this is his comfort zone. To break this curse, he’ll need someone who sees right through him and provokes him into being his true self.

While he isn’t necessarily mean, he does have potential to bully people. Given the right circumstances, and if he is for some reason sure that the person wouldn’t break his public image by telling someone… The last two headcanons clearly nod to Idia lol but it’s purely hypothetical.

[poisonousjk]

https://www.tumblr.com/poisonousjk/763433999726149632

Wait so let me understand something. Do you honestly believe that Jm left all the way from korea to the USA to go film a travel show with Jk in the US, a travel show where we saw Jk riding a bike on the second day, a show where we saw Jimin and Jk go to a brewery (something they both like) amidst other things without Jk knowing in advance? We saw Jm and Jk go to a restaurant on the same day Jm landed and he was still in the exact same clothes he wore to travel but you honestly think Jk didn’t know and he was ambushed? What sense does that even make? So you honestly believe that Jk just found himself in a shoot that he had no idea about whatsoever? Please give Jk more credit that that and I know you don’t care for Jimin but please don’t make him out to be that kind of horrible person because you know he isn’t. Jk literally said Jimin proposed and he agreed. Jimin said he only went at that time to shoot because Jk had some free time inbetween his schedules which is something that would have been designed that way so how on earth do you think Jk was ambushed? Jk was packing his bags for the trip and if you watched that clip till the end you would see that Jimin was shown packing too. So even Jimin didn’t know about the trip to only be packing for it at that time? Let’s say you are right and Jungkook was indeed ambushed, why on earth would he then propose more destinations for them to go to if he was ambushed the first time? This is really not fair to both Jimin and Jungkook and the saddest part of all of this is that it all boils down to a ship. All this vitriol and lies and character assasination against Jimin all boils down to a fucking ship. Jimin is someone Jungkook has known and been friends with for over 10 years. This is someone that Jk himself has mentioned several times that is the most considerate person yet his words mean nothing against your personal feelings. You don’t have to like the show but doing all this and intentionally damaging someone character is not fair no matter what.

I know many of you don’t care for the truth but this is how things really happened and even if you don’t think what is written here is the truth, just use your head. Locations had to be scouted in advance, the yacht they were on had to be have been rented or booked ahead of time, the motorbike had to have been rented ahead of time too. How did they do all these without Jk knowing? How did they know he would have loved to ride his motorbike?

https://x.com/bighit_music/status/1821787058655862896?s=46

I will say again that this is not about some ship war for me I’m not blaming Jm for planning the show or showing up in NY with a full production because whether the show was his idea or not I know Hybe is responsible for the terrible scheduling and based on that yes I do believe it’s very possible that Jk wasn’t given any notice about filming that show at that time.

I know all about preproduction and I watched that show which is why I think it was thrown together especially in NY where they basically had no activities for them to do it was so bad that they went had to watch them go to some store twice and as far as the motorcycle it’s no secret that Jk rides a motorcycle and it takes no time to rent one for a couple days the same with the yacht and the cabins.

[vvatchword]

Reading BioShock: Rapture (Part 6: Frank Fontaine: Funny He-He Clown Man)

<- Part 5: Three Old Men Jerking Their Milk Sticks || Back to the Beginning || Part 7: Shadow Eve ->

By Chapter 2, Shirley finally introduces a few antagonists—Fontaine, as well as G-men doing the world’s worst surveillance.

If you’re hoping for tension,

stop.

hope is a lie and this book is its grave

I Would Like to Feel Anything Please

This chapter opens on Sullivan trying to shake a G-man and failing. Apparently it doesn’t matter because he goes ahead and meets with a character called Ruben Greavy, head engineer for the Wales brothers. I’m assuming that Greavy was originally the city designer before Wales & Wales had to be worked in.

I was most interested in the G-man because I keep looking for antagonists. Ryan has a goal, right? In literally any story anywhere, there would be obstacles the protag has to overcome. One might reasonably conclude that government institutions are Andrew Ryan’s greatest foes. They have the power to stop him through legislation and force: it doesn’t matter how much money you have if your enemy can mobilize the fucking Army.

Who else has the power to stop Ryan? Probably other industry tycoons. In Ayn Rand’s fiction, company presidents commonly ally with each other and the government to stymie the goals of her Ubermensch.

Although present, Fontaine is a small-time crook and motivated in other directions and is thus a non-issue.

As it turns out, I shouldn’t have been excited to see the G-men. After info-dumping a thousand things we either already know or could read in more interesting ways, Sullivan says this:

“Maybe they’ll get a warrant after all. I don’t think they’d find anything illegal.”

So you’re saying there’s no threat.

We are in Chapter 2, on page thirty-fucking-nine, and THERE ARE STILL NO STAKES.

But Preferably Not Indignation

At this point, it’s not about not knowing who Ryan’s enemies are. Functionally, I don’t think they exist. While Shirley invokes entire government institutions, like the FBI or IRS, they literally have nothing to do and no reason to be there.

Moreover, the Olympian—Ryan’s yacht—is namedropped. Which is when I realized that it was being used as a cargo ship.

Wait a fucking minute.

Look, I don’t know shit about boats, but can you really use a yacht like that? Like to ship big ol city parts? Why would you do that? I mean there’s a certain poetic quality in, say, stripping the guts out of your pleasure yacht to bend it to base labor, but we all know Shirley didn’t think that far.

(grumbles to self. angrily notates “research midcentury yacht models and cargo ships”)

Salty — Today at 10:22 AM No, yachts can’t be used like that watchword — Today at 10:23 AM "I found this out in 1 minute Shirley" thank you I figured the design mattered Salty — Today at 10:23 AM It does You’d need some kind of crane to lower things into the water and there’s no way a yacht could take that shit without being built not like a yacht

So it turns out that Andrew Ryan has sent his chief of security personally down to the docks to confirm the time it leaves like he’s some kind of little messenger drone. Somewhere in the proceeding info-dump, Sullivan tells Greavy to leave with all of the building supplies in his ship as soon as possible in case the G-men want to raid them, even though there’s nothing illegal going on. Their reasoning is that they don’t want the US government to learn even a scrap of information about what they’re doing.

Or what? What would they fucking do? There are no laws about shipping out giant city parts. I suppose it could be framed as Ryan being paranoid, but Shirley always explains what characters are doing to the nth degree, and there’s no such explanation here.

Also, and I don’t know why this isn’t being used: the world was fucking flattened after World War II. Shipping building supplies makes a lot of fucking sense. Just tell the gubmint that you’re selling them to France or something. “Aw, yeah, Uncle Sam. You know how much the French like glass tubes. Gonna put all the filthy tourists in there like hamsters so they don’t touch anything. When you get troublemakers you just close the bulkheads and fill them with water.”

Besides, all you have to do is tell the gubmint what you’re shipping off with. It’s for records to be checked against the port that receives the shipment to make sure there’s no funny business. What I don’t remember is if you have to declare what port you’re going to—I suspect that would be the case—but I mean. LIE? This is your life’s work. LIE.

Finally, New York is one of the busiest and biggest ports in the nation. Why would anyone be looking that closely at one more cargo ship? Paperwork back then was even more annoying and difficult to grok than it is today. Imagine the volume for a port like New York’s.

Just fucking LIE.

The real point of this scene is so there can be an exposition dump. Shirley couldn’t just send a messenger who didn’t know what was going on—he needed two people who were In the Know. The important part isn’t entertainment, it’s information: unnecessary and uninteresting exposition about Rapture’s political and economic goals, why they’re shipping supplies the way they are, and the US government, all despite the characters involved being intimately knowledgeable of the situation. Also, they’re about 75% through with the entire escapade, so if this conversation ever occurred at all, you’d think it would be months in the past. The G-man is an attempt at escalation, but then Shirley immediately de-escalates by saying he’s powerless.

So, just to reiterate:

Sullivan tries to shake a tail, fails, and doesn’t care because it doesn’t matter. He shows up at a ship containing building materials for Rapture, meets Greavy, and they lecture each other back and forth about subjects they should already know to summarize a bunch of events we should have seen. As an afterthought, Sullivan tells Greavy he showed up in person to confirm the time the ship leaves instead of calling because the phones are probably tapped. Sullivan will leave before the ship leaves so he won’t actually know the time to confirm with his boss. This particular ship is one of multiple ships and represents only one of multiple shipments—there’s nothing remarkably special about it. They’re not in any danger in any way and there’s nothing the USA can do legally to stop them. End scene.

How the hell is anything this bad.

How.

There should really be like twenty chapters for every one of BioShock: Rapture’s, each explaining how we got here. Because instead of sharing the exciting cat-and-mouse shit, Shirley writes about the outcomes where everything is settled.

This is how our reflections write in the mirror universe.

I have read fanfiction by fans of every age and fluency level and ability. Most of it was trash, but it could be excused because they were young or new or amateur writers, and even then, they’re often excited about a concept and trying really hard and might have some neat thoughts to share.

This… this is on a whole different level.

Writing Is Hard (and Caring Is Harder)

The reason for this is, of course, that Shirley would have had to research several different subjects to write about them in any depth, and time was of the essence. In fact, I am now 100% convinced that everything here is done in a mad effort to save effort, which sounds as delightful as it is.

The elements he thinks to research are absurd. I am now sure that he doesn’t know how to rank research subjects by importance. He does not research, say, the histories of the IRS or the FBI or corporate espionage. No, he researches “how to install a toilet” and “historical boxing.” He’s most often focused on physical processes or what things look like—not on what people do or why they do them.

I have a new bet for you: that each chapter will be like a little push-pin in a plot point. None of them will be married meaningfully to any of the other plot points. They will be little islands in time and rely on the reader to insert connective tissue. This will essentially be a disjointed short story collection, except without any tension whatsoever, because they’re just summaries of larger stories that we never see.

Shrug

Let’s contrast this burning sludge puddle with a different burning sludge puddle: Ayn Rand’s Atlas Shrugged. This is a fitting contrast as Rapture is a callback to Galt’s Gulch.

The protagonist, Dagny Taggart, discovers Galt’s Gulch (libertarian paradise and Aryan summer camp) in Part 3, roughly 60% through the book. In my paperback, Part 3 begins on page 643, and the story ends on page 1,069 (nice). The font is like 6 points. I can’t stress enough how dense this book is.

Rand spends ungodly amounts of time and detail lingering on her enemies—politicians and company presidents and whiny family members. She waxes eloquent on the destructive side of selflessness. Over the course of an eternity, she displays in slow, evolving detail how that world fucks her characters over, despite all their best efforts. And oh—they struggle. They fight!

When Dagny ends up in Galt’s Gulch, staring straight into the face of Objectivist Jesus, she has been through hell, and it feels like a relief: like she’s finally free.

Galt’s Gulch was not a given—it was a process.

Rapture deserves the same build-up. The build-up is the story, you understand?

BioShock: Rapture is like a romance novel that skips all its character building and sex sequences to leap straight into post-coital snuggling. It’s not half as interesting or meaningful if you don’t include all of the pining and rage and frustration and explicit dicking.

Funny He-He Clown Man

Oh, Frank Fontaine. They done did u dirty.

Hey, hypothetical reader, I’m gonna ask you something: what do you think when you hear "Frank Fontaine"? Do you think of a funny little clown man who changes into costumes every ten seconds like a malicious Bugs Bunny? Because that’s what we have here. And, like everything else in this shapeless abortion, I hate it.

Generally, when I write a character who’s not my own, I say: “What is most interesting about this guy?” And I go for some neat character trait or behaviorism and then expand. Everything about that person fractals off of their base personality, psychology, behaviorisms, internal worlds, and past experiences.

Of course, that character doesn’t exist in a vacuum, so you know what else I do? I look at how they’re utilized in the source material, I ask what exactly the source material is, and I examine what the story was originally trying to do.

Characters Are Limited

Since the Beginning of Time, it has been popular in fandoms to act performatively enraged about how each and every character in a piece of media is not fully-fleshed out and explored to the last quark of the final atom.

First, that’s not how narratives work. Stories have to be limited by their natures: we are limited to this time, this space, this person, these concerns, these events. Material can only stretch so far, and characters can only intersect so long. It’s impossible to touch on every single concern and detail of your world, and if you attempt it, you’ll carefully hand-craft an unreadable clusterfuck.

Second, a character is not a person. A character is a slave to the narrative. They are an ingredient and a tool. Even if they’re the complete focal point of the story, you cannot possibly fully explore them. They do not have full human lives or sapience. They only have what they are given. As inhuman objects and creative constructs, they are also not worthy of the same respect as a real human being. can you believe I have to say that

Third, it’s not important to have a fully-rounded character because that’s not always what the story requires. There are all kinds of different stories outside of character-driven ones—for example, focal points might be on themes, ideas, settings, or vast periods of time, and not on people at all; sometimes the narrative as a whole is more important than the characters inside of them; sometimes the style and POV limits how much we can know; sometimes it’s simply more entertaining or informative to omit certain information; and so on.

There are many ways to be interesting, and there are many ways to string along a series of plot points, and characters are just more tools in the toolbox. Instead of raking a narrative across the coals for not meeting your standards, it’s far more sensible to ask what the narrative is and what it’s trying to do, then judge it according to the standards it was trying to meet.

The Fountainhead

Sometimes a character works best if we don’t know that much about them. In my opinion, Frank Fontaine is one of these. He has a limited efficacy and only in specific situations.

How is Fontaine used in BioShock? Sparingly, that’s how. And when he finally shows up as ringleader, it’s to head what is arguably the weakest part of the game. Suddenly you have to look straight at him for a couple of hours, and he’s just not that interesting under a spotlight. He’s a small-time crook who won the lottery; what made him interesting was the Atlas con and his friction with Andrew Ryan, and both are over. He’s not that big of a deal in and of himself. He doesn’t really have any power other than ADAM—and of course, that’s the point.

Fontaine is not a character with an arc. He can’t change and he wouldn’t work very well if he did. In fact, he’s not really a character at all—he’s an anthropomorphized human quality. One of the alternate meanings of “frank” is “honesty” or “truth”; “Fontaine,” or “fountain,” probably refers to Ayn Rand’s The Fountainhead.

“What is the fountainhead—the source—of the Ubermensch?” Rand asks.

Levine replied: “What is the fountainhead of Objectivism?”

If Objectivism got everything it wanted, what would its world really look like? Because it wouldn’t be Galt’s Gulch or Rapture in its heyday.

Frank Fontaine is the ultimate culmination of Objectivist theory—not Andrew Ryan. The guy who wins doesn’t have to have any laudable moral qualities at all—all he has to be is the strongest or most cunning. The best idea or product doesn’t necessarily succeed because Objectivism isn’t about quality—you can just get steamrolled into bullshit because some company has more resources and social currency than the innovative little guy. If all you value is strength, all you will receive is the strong, and that strongman does not have any incentive to be anything other than a flesh-tearing, blood-drinking brute.

One of BioShock’s best qualities is how it just lets Fontaine sort of exist quietly in the background, like the faint, tense hum of an electric wire. You see evidence of him. You see what people think of him. But you never actually see him. The mystery is part of his power. Pre-twist, you only hear his voice once, and it’s probably utilized as a red herring in case you started to doubt Atlas’ identity. After all, Atlas is Irish, and Fontaine is from New York or something! You can trust Atlas!

But Can You Trust Shirley?

what the fuck do you think

I thought of just ending here and letting you figure it out but I believe this deserves just a little explication.

In Chapter 2, Fontaine—going by the surname Gorland—waltzes in, front and center, and with all the flare of a supervillain descending from on high, steals some loser’s shitty-ass bar.

“Whatta hell ya mean you’re the owner, Gorland?” … “…You’re about to sign this bar over to me, is whatta hell.” … Merton stared at the papers, eyes widening. “That was you? Hudson Loans? Nobody told me that was—” “A loan is a loan. What I seem to recall is, you were drunk when you signed it. Needed some money to pay off your gambling vig. A big fucking vig it was too, Merton!”

Fontaine got a guy drunk and made him sign something. Is this supposed to impress me?

I cut a ton of needless bullshit out and I still didn’t cut as much as I should have. (A “vig” is a gambling debt, so “gambling” is redundant, among other things.) What shitty dialogue this is. I told you, McDonagh isn’t the only one you should be cringing at. Shirley is terrified you won’t understand him so he makes sure to explain every point three times over.

When Levine writes “CIA spook” or “das vedanya,” it’s not to prove his work. It’s there because it makes sense there. When Shirley uses a specific term, it’s to show off. It’s like a little kid running up to show you that he finished a question on his homework. Except he does it every time he finishes something. And he’s always wrong somehow.

“Vig” in particular got me.

“Vig, you know! Yeah I looked it up! Vig! A gambling debt! Bet you’ve never heard that before! I researched! See! Vig!”

I will find your thesaurus, tear each page out one by one, and eat them in front of you without breaking eye contact. You will see me when you get up at midnight for a drink of water, slowly crunching in the dark. When you call the police I will evaporate. All that will be left is the hardcover, tented over a single dead roach pinned to the floor. At night you will hear me whispering from the walls: “haaaaaaaack”

Cynicism, Nihilism, Gnosticism, Humanism

Frank Fontaine is the most cynically written of all the characters thus far. He’s the one with the most obvious To-Do List.

“What do I need to establish about Frank Fontaine?” Shirley asked himself. “Let’s see: he is a conman. He is a great actor. He needs to find out about Rapture and get there somehow. He’s a super-awful guy. I should establish his background, motivations, and how he learned his skills. I know! He lived in a vaudeville theater!”

All right, all right. Let me be fair. I would bet money that Levine is the source of that background bit—BioShock features a million stages for a reason that I will someday write about at length—but god I hate it. I was in one-act play and I have watched hundreds of films but it doesn’t mean I know how to act. Isn’t it enough that Fontaine learns to manipulate others, perhaps out of a sense of childish self-preservation before evolving into predation? Does it have to be a big show?

…yes, I guess. Fuck. Because gnosticism.

Gnosticism is one of those BioShock themes that I least expected in this novel because it is a pure thought exercise and exists on several metaphorical levels. I’m sure Shirley has been informed of its existence, but we all know how he’ll handle it (he can’t lol). All you need to know about gnosticism is that it’s a philosophy that believes the physical environment is a broken copy of a higher reality. Even though the physical realm is fucked, it can still point toward a higher truth. In other words, you can learn from the physical world’s half-truths to achieve gnosis—knowledge of that ultimate spiritual truth—and thereby ascend to that higher spiritual plane.

But Ken Levine has a different take on ascension.

According to Levine, you learn by going through the horrors of life, but the truth is not some beatific vision. There is no god and there is no better world: there is Only Man. All you learn is that human beings hurt each other, and that they won’t ever stop, and to survive, you must go to war yourself—whether you like it or not. In the process, you struggle toward an understanding of how to make a better world, but there’s a catch: you have committed all kinds of harm out of ignorance. By committing that harm, you have ensured that the damage goes on… and on… and on.

No human being can avoid this.

Nobody can just TELL you how to make a better world—it’s far too big and complicated a place, and it’s always changing. You have to experience it for yourself to understand how it works. That means you can’t take your knowledge to others, either—because not only can future generations not understand you, your own knowledge is highly individual, and the world is continually changing so that you’re always one step behind. Future generations have to make their own mistakes in their own unique settings to figure out how best to live. In the process, they fuck up the future in a whole new way.

Everyone thinks they’re going through hell looking for heaven, but it turns out it’s always been about this fucked-up world and this fucked-up present with its fucked-up people. All you can do is your best with what you know.

The way Levine illustrates this is that art and artifice performatively point toward that ultimate higher truth: there is no escape, and we are destined to hurt ourselves and future generations in an unbreakable cycle. BioShock is existential horror at its heart, and it’s the best kind—the humanist kind.

So, thematically speaking, Fontaine being a literal performer, acting for our education and elevation, is correct. If you pay attention to the game, every character functions this way. Everything is a performance for your benefit as player. I have to admit that it makes sense. Plus, other than working retail, entertainment is a great way to learn how to hate the human race.

I still hate it. I want Fontaine to be more grounded, I guess. Every time I imagine him in a theater I cackle a little.

Cardboard People

Returning to BioShock: Rapture, the first problem with Fontaine’s section is that he doesn’t feel like a person. I don’t get a sense of his past, even when it’s explicitly mentioned. I bring up Fontaine’s past because people do what they do based on a complicated play of psychological need and lessons learned to survive past environments.

Alas: Fontaine is a one-note mustache-twirler. He wants to get money why? To get more money. Not to survive, not to defy the privations of his past, not to take vengeance on an uncaring world, not to bang girls, not to buy cool shit. He just fucks people up because that’s what he does.

Also, despite being a petty criminal, he seems above and beyond the law somehow. I’m not afraid for him when that G-man from earlier walks into his bar.

…oh, for fuck’s sake, that’s still my optimism talking. I keep expecting this book to work like a book. This thing is the hairy knot you find at the bottom of a drain.

Anyway, the second problem with Fontaine is that the entire story works to his benefit, and it’s immediately ludicrous. Instead of giving Fontaine problems to solve—and giving Andrew Ryan ways to work against him—you know, like real human beings with brains—Shirley just throws information and idiots at Fontaine constantly.

Allow me to illustrate.

Frank Fontaine gets his bar by drugging a guy who is dumb with or without intoxication. Fontaine wanted this bar so he could listen into bar patrons’ conversations for hot tips on gambling and grifts. When does this pay off?

guess

If you said, “Immediately!”, Fuck You! You are correct!

[Fontaine] wiped at an imaginary spill on the bar, edging closer. “But can we count on Steele?” said the one some called Twitchy. He twitched his pencil-thin mustache. “Thinks he’s going to challenge the Bomber next year…” “So let him challenge; he can lose one fight. He needs the payoff, needs it big,” said the chunkier one of the two, “Snort” Bianchi—with a snort.

is this a joke

This is one place I am not sure of Shirley’s intentions. Is it supposed to be bad? Is it supposed to be funny? Is he making fun of me or is he just dumb enough to think this is clever?

What I think this dialogue and these characters represent is Shirley’s attempt to complement BioShock's audio diaries. Again, we hit that divide between the ways stories are best told through different mediums. BioShock’s audio diaries are the literary equivalents of bullion cubes. That’s because you experience dialogue sparingly in a video game, and most content is wrapped up in gameplay, so you’ve got to get your whole idea across as quickly and densely as possible.

It’s for this reason that every BioShock character is an outsized caricature. In the same way that Fontaine is a symbol of Objectivism in its purest form (let's face it, the fountainhead of Man with a capital M), McDonagh is Andrew Ryan’s conscience, and Andrew Ryan is Man falling for the lies of the demiurge. Jasmine Jolene—whom we will see in Chapter 3—represents untenable fantasy.

Oh, and Shadow Eve.

Y’all wanna talk about Shadow Eve? I do. There's only like three of us reading this and I'm counting myself so I'm assuming the vote is unanimous.

Long story short, Shirley doesn’t understand the differences between video game narratives and literary ones, and this fact is probably going to hurt me until the end of this entire broken endeavor.

Shirley also feels like he needs to show Fontaine at work at all times. In his mind, Fontaine is nothing but cons 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Shirley only knows what people do; he doesn’t know why they do anything.

In any case, Fontaine shoos off the Great Value Mobsters, for he has spotted our G-man from earlier, a man named Voss. It appears that Voss is looking for informations.

[Voss] leaned across the bar so he could be heard over the noise. “Word on the street is, this here’s your joint now.”

Originally, I had been reading this quickly, only to run into this paragraph and get terribly confused. Like damn, word travels fast, it’s been 30 minutes and everybody already knows this is Fontaine’s bar?

I had to go back and re-read. The passage of time is suggested somewhere in the info-dump that tells you everything about Fontaine instead of growing him organically over a generous period. It’s done terribly but at least it happened.

Voss crooked a finger, leaned even farther across the bar. Gorland hesitated—then he leaned close. Voss spoke right in his ear. “You hear anything about some kind of big, secret project happening down at the docks? Maybe bankrolled by Andrew Ryan? North Atlantic project? Millions of bucks flowing out to sea…?” “Nah,” Gorland said…. “What kinda deal’s he up to?” “That’s something we don’t… something you don’t need to know.”

haaaaaa haaaaaaa haaaaaaaaaaaaaack

In any case, Fontaine has it in mind that if there are millions of dollars flowing out to sea, he wants in on it somehow.

He didn’t hear anything about Ryan for a couple of days, but one day he heard a drunk blond chippie muttering about “Mr. Fatcat Ryan… goddamn him…” as she frantically waved her empty glass at him. “Hey wherezmuh drinkie?” demanded the blonde.

oh…………. oh this is a hate crime

Have you ever heard of Born Yesterday (1950)? Go watch a clip and listen to the actress, Judy Holliday. Her voice is what I hear in my mind. Except in Born Yesterday the protag is a human being and not a one-dimensional cutout with tits. And Born Yesterday is perfectly representative of its time so the fact it’s outclassing a writer in 2011 is shameful. The only question I have left about this book is, “Who cannot dunk on John Shirley?”

Now I think I understand Shirley a little better. I’m going to give him the benefit of a doubt and assume that we are looking at this crying woman through Fontaine’s eyes, and that this is not reality, but his fucked-up perspective.

You know how I was talking about the relationship between third-person limited POV and bedrock reality? This is one of those breakdowns. In third-person limited, we can see inside of one person, but nobody else. They occupy a world limited by their bias, but that world operates outside of them according to its own logic, which our Subject may or may not be able to comprehend truthfully. There should be clear divisions between what the Subject knows and perceives versus what is happening outside of them. When outside characters speak, or outside events occur, the reader should be assured that they really occurred in the ways they are shared. Otherwise there’s nothing solid to latch onto.

But I’ve got to be honest: I don’t know if this is intentional or not. I have never questioned point-of-view this way in my life. How much have I taken for granted in my tiny span? How do you learn to do something like this so, so badly?

This is John Shirley. We taught him wrong, as a joke.

Of course he wears all black and a goofy hat. Then he sucked all the contrast out until he was clothed in void. Does he think he’s a warlock

Long story short, this POV shit feels like madness to me. Should prose cause seasickness? The way this book is fucked up is one of the most unique experiences I’ve ever had. Although I’m learning a great deal from it, I also hate this experience. And I hate John Shirley.

“I’ll have a Scotch if I can’t have my man back,” she sobbed, “that’s what I’ll have! Dead, dead, dead, and no one from that Ryan crew is saying why.”

Ms. Ogyny the Exposition Whore has managed to interest me despite my deep loathing. I spy a mystery!

Coincidentally, this is why Fontaine’s sections tend to be the most interesting: he’s actively trying to figure things out where other characters just kind of hover in time and space.

New Reasons for Me to Feel an Unearned Sense of Superiority

Some of Shirley’s idiosyncrasies start popping out here because I’ve had some time to suffer under his patterns, much like a player getting their ass handed to them under an Elden Ring boss. For example, he sticks dialogue inside of descriptive paragraphs, and he thinks “went on” is an acceptable dialogue tag. I thought that was a fucking error until it happened the second time.

(✿◠‿◠)ノ.❀。• *₊°。I still think it is a fucking error ❀。• *₊°。 ❀

In my opinion, dialogue can be stuck with a descriptive scene, but it should be limited to the speaker’s actions alone. The implication is that the speaker is performing an action while speaking. Shirley will just slap dialogue into a paragraph with multiple actors and let the reader sort it out.

The reason why this is a problem is that it becomes questionable who the speaker is until you find a subject-verb or infer from context clues. Also, the longer the descriptive sequence, the more you have to think about the time taken to say the sentence as the character is performing the action.

You do not want your work to feel like this:

This is where I noted another little idiosyncrasy: every time Shirley does any research, he regurgitates it almost wholly undigested. Here, in an example from the prologue, he discusses the outfit of a Red Army soldier:

“Father,” Andrei whispers, in Russian, turning to look at a tall lean man in a long green coat with red epaulets, a black hat, a rifle slung over his shoulder. “Is that man one of the Red Guard?”

“in Russian” no shit

“Oh, that’s perfectly reasonable,” you may protest.

Then how about this sequence in Chapter 2, where he talks about boxers:

The talk at the crowded bar tonight was full of how Joe Louis, the Brown Bomber, back from the war with a pocketful of nothing and a big tax debt, was going to defend his world heavyweight title against Billy Conn. And how the retired Jack Johnson, first Negro to win the heavyweight champ title, had died two days before in a car accident. None of which was what Gorland needed to know.

(✿◠‿◠)ノ.❀。• *₊°。then why the fuck did you mention it ❀。• *₊°。 ❀

My chief complaint about the first set of descriptors is the list of prepositional phrases and weak adjectives and verbs. It’s a lot of talk with no power or aim. Additionally, Shirley just wrote about a dozen other people while mentioning their appearances so briefly that they might as well have been plywood standees, so a thoughtfully colorized soldier jumps out like a cat in a shitty horror film. That said, if you’re not a picky bastard, it may not bother you.

But the second one is outright incorrect. None of these historical people or subjects have anything to do with Fontaine’s current aims, nor with what he does next. It’s just there to prove that Shirley did research. If anything, it shows Shirley’s weakness: he doesn’t know how to smoothly blend research into his work.

This description is like stirring your cookie batter three times and calling it done, then spooning out a big lump of baking powder.

Shirley just put that shit in the oven.

“I just want my Irving back,” she said, her head sagging down over the drink. Lucky the song coming on the juke was a Dorsey and Sinatra crooner, soft enough he could make her out. “Jus’ wannim back.” He absentmindedly poured a couple more drinks for the sailors at her side, their white caps cocked rakishly as they argued over bar dice and tossed money at him. “What became of the unfortunate soul?” Gorland asked, pocketing the money and wiping the bar. “Lost at sea was he?” She gawped at him. “How’d you know that, you a mind reader?” Gorland winked. “A little fishy told me.”

gross

God, this paragraph is ugly and I hate it. Shirley splits the lady’s dialogue, part of which butts up against Fontaine and two sailors and causes a moment of cognitive dissonance. Shirley is ridiculously specific as to the song playing when “soft crooner” would have sufficed. The true note of interest—the data that Fontaine is sniffing out—skitters around the outsized imagery like a stupid cartoon creature.

Shirley does have a strength, and it’s in visuals. I can see and feel and smell this bar. Unfortunately, his visuals are static and progress little to nothing. Also, from what I can tell, it’s his only skill, unless causing headaches is desirable.

Also, before I leave this part, I want to clarify that there’s no problem with mentioning historical events, organizations, music, speech, people, etc, in your historical novel, and in fact you should, but if that description is at the expense of your plot, you have erred.

In any case, Fontaine asks this unfortunate caricature of womanhood what happened to her beloved. Shirley writes a long and embarrassing paragraph of dialogue that cannot end soon enough, and when it does end, it’s like this:

“Well, I went over to the place that hired him, Seaworthy Construction they was called—and they threw me out! Treated me like I was some kinda tramp! All I wanted was what was comin’ to me… I came out of South Jersey, and let me tell you, we get what we’re owed ’cause…” She went on in that vein for a while, losing the Ryan thread.

You lazy fucking bastard.

This is not the first time Shirley has ended a paragraph like this, either.

A Visual Depiction of the Dismount

Look, there are graceful ways to ease out of dialogue. Shirley doesn’t care what they are. Dialogue stands between him and a description of a “zoot-suiter [putting] a bebop number on the juke.” Do I care about that, sir? I do not. How about Andrew Ryan? How about Rapture? How about

Fontaine Shapeshift Moments Numbers 4, 5, & 6

One of Shirley’s responsibilities as writer is that he needs to illustrate the kind of person that Fontaine is. As far as I’m concerned, he’s done it several times over. It is abundantly clear that Fontaine is an asshole, and it’s clear what kind of asshole he is, even if he is kinda boring. Now that Fontaine has the Rapture thread, you would expect for him to follow that, because that’s what I’m reading this book for.

Obviously, that’s why Shirley takes Fontaine to a boxing ring! Because it is time to throw a fight! After all, we must follow up on that Great Value Mobster thread! We care so much about that! My heart throbs with anticipation! About Twitchy and Snorts!

See, Shirley did not illustrate one specific trait of Fontaine’s, and he thinks it’s important enough to digress to it: Fontaine’s ability to shapeshift, as it were.

“My name’s Lucio Fabrici,” Gorland said, tying Steele’s glove’s nice and tight. “Bianchi sent me.” … “Fabrici” had gone to great lengths for this disguise. The pinstripe suit, the toothpick stuck in the corner of his mouth, the spats, the toupee, the thin mustache—a high quality theatrical mustache carefully stuck on with spirit gum. But mostly it was his voice, just the right Little Italy intonation, and that carefully tuned facial expression that said, We’re pals, you and I, unless I have to kill you.

Wait. Was “spirit gum” called that in 1946? Oh, I don’t care.

It’s worth mentioning that I have noted two black characters so far—the boxer from the historical infodump and Steele’s trainer, who Fontaine paid to scram—and Shirley doesn’t let the trainer talk. And you know what? Given how he writes dialogue, that’s probably the safest option.

After Fontaine throws the thrown fight, he goes to his bookie operation.

[Fontaine] walked over to Morry, to have a gander at the take, and heard a couple of the dockworkers talking over their flask. “Sure, Ryan’s hiring big down there. It’s a hot ticket, pal, big paydays. But problem is—real QT stuff. Can’t talk about the job. And it’s dangerous too. Somewhere out in the North Atlantic, Iceland way…”

First of all, there’s the unnecessary description. Can’t we just assume that Fontaine walked somewhere? What does that add to the narrative? Use stronger imagery or take that shit out. That’s literally your only skill and now you’re fucking that up, too.

Second of all, split the dialogue off, why do you keep sticking it to random fucking descriptions.

Third of all, how does the entire fucking world not know what Andrew Ryan is doing? Half of what Fontaine has learned has been from overhearing random people. It’s like the whole universe is conspiring to help Fontaine out, and it’s getting a little weird, I’m gonna be honest. Every time I randomly overhear people it’s things like grocery lists and brain-dead political takes. When will I overhear where to find one million dollars

Then there’s how Fontaine reacts when he overhears this information. This sentence immediately follows the paragraph above:

[Fontaine] slipped outside by the side door and set himself to wait.

He literally says nothing to anyone. He just leaves. He’s just had an intense exposition-filled conversation with his employees and then he’s like whoops bye bitches fuck your lives

Look at how fucking pathetic this sentence is, too. “Set himself to wait”? I actually double-checked this after an edit because I was sure I’d inserted a typo. No, it’s just this bland.

This whole sequence was almost certainly written at a sprint. Words and phrases are weak as shit—no emotional power, no visual or spatial sense, no movement. There are no smooth transitions and, quite naturally, no tension. It’s just one domino falling after another. You wanna take a moment and think?

NO.

RUN BITCH.

RUN

Fontaine follows the deckhands until they reach their ship—the Olympian.

Gorland tilted his hat so the G-man wouldn’t see his face and strolled over, hands in his pockets, weaving a bit, making like he was drunk.

There’s some more embarrassing tryhard dialogue but you can read it yourself.

“Making like he was drunk.” jesus christ are you even trying

The only important part is the deckhand arguing with an officer.

“I just ain’t shipping out to that place again, and that’s all there is to it,” snarled the deckhand in the black peacoat. … “I don’t mind being on the ship—but in that hell down below, not me!” “There’s no use trying to say you’ll only take the job if you stay on the ship—it’s what Greavy says that goes! If he says you go down, you go down!” “Then you go down in my place—and you wrestle with the devil! It’s unholy, what he’s tryin’ to do down there!”

Wait. What? Why? Why is it unholy to build things under the ocean? Look, I was a religious nut for a huge portion of my life, and I can’t remember any taboos about checks notes building underwater?

As the deckhand takes off, having quit employment with Ryan Industries, Fontaine sees a piece of metal, picks it up, and runs after the deckhand.

“Hey!” the man yelped. Gorland held the deckhand firmly in place and pressed the end of the cold metal pipe to the back of his neck. “Freeze!” Gorland growled, altering his voice. He put steel and officiousness into it. … “You think I’m some crooked dock rat? I’m a federal agent! Now don’t even twitch!” [Fontaine said.]

Fontaine flashes a fake badge, then gets this deckhand to spill his guts. In two pages, he learns about Ryan building a city beneath the sea, complete with information about its technology and current state of construction.

End chapter.

Fontaine’s section of Chapter 2 runs from pages 39 through 54. In about two weeks, he has pretended to be six different people and learned everything he needs to know about Andrew Ryan.

You Can Always Try

I don’t know what Shirley was on at this point. In my mind, you devote one chapter to Fontaine at the tail-end of one really good con. Really put your effort into the con, show the ups and downs as the criminals attempt to outmaneuver the popo. Maybe show Fontaine fuck up some other criminal and then take his name. A shadow steps out of the smoke, adjusts his hat. “The name is Frank Fontaine.” Ohhhhh noooo I thought Frank Fontaine was that other guyyyy ooooooh shiiiiitttttt! And then never give out his background the rest of the story, and never show his internal world. Third-person objective: narrator stands outside of everyone. Keep Fontaine a huge question mark the entire story.

But Shirley was like, “Give Fontaine 3,000 cons in the same chapter, one after the other after the other, nonstop, don’t breathe, don’t stop, go go go go, and do it in such a way that Fontaine looks like the only human player in a world of NPCs.”

It just feels so unnecessary.

Here are images of Fontaine and Atlas.

That’s called “growing your hair out” and “cosmetic surgery” you fucking dumbass. It’s not that big of a deal. Now write something I give a shit about.

Question: how couldn’t the feds get all of this information in all the same ways, plus some? This is the FBI in 1946, the USA has just gone through WW2 like gangbusters, the Cold War is just warming up, and—most terrifyingly of all—J. Edgar Hoover is the FBI director. You think they give a single shit? Hell, I’m not sure they’d have to do much in the way of skullduggery at all. So far, the biggest problem with keeping Rapture secret has been employees talking.

Long story short, now Andrew Ryan and the US government look like chumps, and the narrative has the gall to imply Fontaine is skilled when he’s just unreasonably lucky. And if there’s one rule you should never break for a BioShock story it’s to make Andrew Ryan a fucking chump.

If You Must

Although having Fontaine front and center is not ideal, it’s also doable. So far, he’s the most interesting character in the book—probably because he’s solving the Rapture mystery. There are elements he doesn’t understand, which is a kind of tension, even if there are no repercussions for failure.

This tension is accidental. Just like every other character, Fontaine’s challenges and enemies are either neutered or indistinct. He hovers in a kind of eternal limbo where he is everything he has ever been. We can’t pretend it’ll get any better from here on out. However, let’s pretend that Shirley gives a fuck.

Now that Fontaine in a traditional character-driven narrative, we need to give him an arc. The Fontaine of Chapter 2 must not be the same Fontaine we see by the end of the story. We know Shirley will fail, but that’s the standard we’re going to judge him by. Remember: this isn’t BioShock-the-game. We’re writing literature now, so the aims and methods are different. If you’re going to use him as a major antagonist, he needs challenges to surmount, same as Andrew Ryan and Bill McDonagh and every other character ever.

So if you’re going to use Fontaine in this role, he has got to have an arc of some kind. He’s got to have something to overcome or learn or become because he’s in the kind of story that calls for that.

A competent writer would give you a reason to be interested in Fontaine. Shirley knows you’ve picked up this book because you’re a fan, so he presupposes you already are. So he just… doesn’t try.

jesus christ this lazy bastard. I hold him in utter contempt.

And I am just now at Chapter Fucking Three.

<- Part 5: Three Old Men Jerking Their Milk Sticks || Back to the Beginning || Part 7: Shadow Eve ->

[jujumin-translates]

[A3!] ★ Main Story | Act 14 - DREAM CATCHER | Episode 30 - Master’s Little Wish

Ali Baba: “Helm hard to starboard! I knew it, boat trips make it feel way more like an adventure.”

Aladdin: “Small island ahoy~!”

Ali Baba: “Alright, full speed ahead!” 

Sinbad: “Maybe we should examine the surroundings a little more closely…”

Ali Baba: “Not stopping for anything is the key to adventure!” 

Scheherazade: “And you wonder why you’ve been failing for this long.”

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

Ali Baba: “Yep, there’s nothing here.”

Sinbad: “So what was even the point of getting off the boat?”

Ali Baba: “Don’t you know that landing on a deserted island is part of the romanticism of adventure?”

*Waves crash*

Aladdin: “Uwah!? Did the island just move!?” 

Sinbad: “My boat is being swept away!” 

Scheherazade: “This isn’t an island! This is the back of a whale!” 

*Waves crash*

Ali Baba: “EUUGHH!? WE’RE GONNA DROWN!!” 

Aladdin: “Save us, Genie of the Lamp!” 

Genie of the Lamp: “You’re not my master, so I can’t really…” 

Sinbad: “THAT’S NOT HELPFUL!” 

Aladdin: “Blublubblublub (Just letting you know, I can’t swim~).”

Ali Baba: “PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER, ALADDIN!” 

Aladdin: “Bluublbublublub (Please, God, just let me go in peace…).” 

Scheherazade: “Don’t start praying! You’re gonna jinx yourself!” 

*Puff of smoke*

???: “You called, Master?”

Ali Baba: “WHO THE HELL ARE YOU!?” 

Genie of the Ring: “I am the Genie of the Ring! I’m here to grant Master’s little wish!” 

Aladdin: “Blublbub (Save us!).” 

Genie of the Ring: “Huh? What?”

Aladdin: “Blubblubub (Bring us back to our ship!).” 

Genie of the Ring: “Aha, y’see, stuff like instantaneous movement is kind of a big wish and I don’t really do that sort of thing.”

Genie of the Ring: “I can handle it if you make a smaller wish.” 

Ali Baba: “Just what kinda shady salesman are you!?” 

Scheherazade: “That doesn’t matter, we just need him to do something so we don’t drown!” 

Genie of the Ring: “Yeah, so wishes that are vague like that are kind of hard for me to do too~.” 

Aladdin: “Blubbubublub.”

Ali Baba: “HEY, YOUR MASTER IS SINKING!” 

Sinbad: “What about asking him to get the boat to move closer to us!?” 

Genie of the Ring: “That’s a little bit too big of a target~ The sum of its sides can’t be more than about 300 centimeters~.”

Scheherazade: “Okay, Mr. Post Office! What exactly CAN you do then!?” 

Aladdin: “Blublub!” 

Genie of the Ring: “Huh? What?”

Aladdin: “Blublbublub! (A bag).”

Genie of the Ring: “Ahh, I might be able to do that…”

Sinbad: “Bag!? What are you going to do with--?”

Aladdin: “Blubbublublublublub! (A bag filled with air).”

Genie of the Ring: “As you wish~!” 

*The wish is granted*

Ali Baba: “I see! If you hold onto this, you’ll float!” 

Aladdin: “Haaah~ I thought I was gonna die…”

Sinbad: “At least he managed to save him.”

Scheherazade: “So what are we gonna do now?”

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

Ali Baba: “Ughh~, how did we manage to wash up on this tiny island!?” 

Scheherazade: “Can you make up your damn mind? If you hadn’t said we needed to land on a tiny island in the first place then we wouldn’t have--.”

Ali Baba: “Oh, so if I see an island I’m just supposed to NOT go to it!?” 

Aladdin: “Okay, okay, you guys can continue your lover’s quarrel later.”

Sinbad: “For now, let’s gather some food and find a place to sleep before it gets dark. We also need to figure out if this island is even safe.”

Ali Baba: “We’re counting on you, Sinbad.”

Scheherazade: “You’re really starting to seem like a sailor.”

Sinbad: “I did a lot of thinking and preparation before I set off on this journey, you know! Unlike you all!” 

Sinbad: “You guys didn’t even do anything to prepare for this adventure, and you didn’t even have everything you needed in the first place.”

Sinbad: “The only reason you’re on this trip is because you suddenly just decided to go on it LITERALLY the day before we left and--.” 

Ali Baba: “Oh, we could probably make a tent out of those trees and some grass!” 

Aladdin: “Nice~.”

Sinbad: “You really have never listened to a single goddamn word in your life, have you, Ali Baba?”

Scheherazade: “Now you know what I have to deal with.” 

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

Aladdin: “It’s done, it’s done! We should be able to sleep in this.”

Genie of the Lamp: “I desire a fluffy cushion. If you put me on the ground, my lamp will get scratched.”

Ali Baba: “You can’t get one of those! We’re on a deserted island! There’s nothing we can do, so suck it up.” 

Scheherazade: “We got some fruit.”

Sinbad: “And I caught some fish too.” 

Ali Baba: “Perfect timing, take a look.”

Scheherazade: “Ooh~, that’s pretty nice.” 

Sinbad: “You did a good job.”

Aladdin: “Alright, let’s start getting dinner ready!” 

*Wind wooshes*

???: “KEEEE!!” 

Ali Baba: “Wait, what was that?”

Sinbad: “Didn’t that kind of sound like wings flapping?”

Aladdin: “Ohnoohgodohnoohgod, the tent is gonna be blown away!” 

Scheherazade: “What was that? Some kind of big-- Bird!?” 

Ali Baba: “GYAGHH!! IT’S GOT ME!” 

Scheherazade: “It’s taking us away!” 

Sinbad: “Everyone better hold onto the tent tight if you don’t want to fall!” 

Aladdin: “HIEEGH!” 

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

*Tent is put down*

Ali Baba: “Owowowoww…”

Scheherazade: “Where are we? Is this… ore?” 

Ali Baba: “Amazing! These are all diamonds! If I mine all these out, I’ll be rich as--.”

Aladdin: “Uwagh! This place is crawling with giant snakes!” 

Sinbad: “We’re surrounded!” 

Aladdin: “Eeeep, what are we gonna do…?”

Ali Baba: “This is the perfect time for the Genie of the Ring! Genie of the Ring! Make these giant snakes go away!” 

*Puff of smoke*

Genie of the Ring: “That’s a bit too much for me to deal with…”

Aladdin: “Then just keep us from benign bitten by the giant snakes!” 

Genie of the Ring: “That’s kind of a big ask too…”

Scheherazade: “And you’re still as useless as ever!” 

Roc: “KEEEE!” 

Aladdin: “UWAH! Even the birds are here!” 

Sinbad: “That’s it! Genie of the Ring, can you get us some raw meat?” 

Genie of the Ring: “Raw meat, huh? I can probably manage that. I can only get you the meat of birds or small animals though.” 

Ali Baba: “That’s limited to size too?” 

Sinbad: “Then get us some raw meat!” 

Genie of the Ring: “As you wi~sh~.” 

*The wish is granted*

Ali Baba: “What do we do with the raw meat?” 

Aladdin: “Are we using it as bait?”

Scheherazade: “But with snakes that big, we’ll run out in no time.” 

Sinbad: “Put it on top of the tent. Now hold on to the tent!” 

Aladdin: “Huh? What?” 

Roc: “KEEEE!” 

Aladdin: “Aghhh, here we go again!” 

Ali Baba: “It’s being brought in by the raw meat.” 

Scheherazade: “You’re right, it is.” 

Aladdin: “Uwaaagh! It’s got us again!” 

Sinbad: “Just let the bird take us and get us out of here!” 

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

*Wind wooshes*

Ali Baba: “You’re a genius, Sinbad!” 

Sinbad: “But we still have no clue where it’s going to drop us.” 

Scheherazade: “Well, at least we got out of that valley of snakes.” 

Ali Baba: “Alright, let’s set off on our adventure through the sky!” 

Roc: “KEEEE!” 

Aladdin: “GYAAAHH!” 

Ali Baba: “HOW DID IT DROP US ALREADY!?” 

*Splash*

Scheherazade: “The ocean again!? We’ll drown!” 

Aladdin: “Blubblbublub.” 

*Ali Baba pulls Scheherazade onto the tent and Sinbad pulls Aladdin onto it*

Sinbad: “The tent managed to keep us from sinking.” 

Aladdin: “What if we just keep drifting away like this…?” 

Scheherazade: “Look! There’s an island over there!” 

Ali Baba: “Okay, everyone, start paddling!” 

Sinbad: “Heave-ho! Heave-ho!”

[ ⇠ Previous Part ] • [ Next Part ⇢ ]

[justsome-di]

The Fairest of All Stars: Chapter 11

Andy didn’t mean to become a pirate captain, but after killing the captain of her ship, she finds herself thrust into the role. Years after the incident, she is fierce and feared and recovering from a tropical fever that wiped out half her crew.

Just as they’re about to dock, they find an injured siren left behind by her choir. Andy, drawn to her, pulls her onto the ship and decides to keep her there until she recovers. But with the Navy hunting for both pirates and sirens, Andy has just made her ship an even bigger target for an iniquitous captain looking for revenge.

Warning for suicidal thoughts and violence. Will contain mature scenes.

Also available for free on Patreon (paid members are five installments ahead and will get exclusive bonus stories) and on AO3. If you enjoy reading Stars please consider leaving a comment on AO3, Patreon, or reblogging these chapters! Follow for more updates!

“Pinkey, you better have a genius plan in that beautiful brain of yours.”

Pinkey was busy looking over the edge of the ship, too absorbed in the unsettled waters to respond to Andy.

“Pinkey,” Andy snapped. "Get it together.”

He looked up finally. His usual carefree and cheery disposition had been replaced with a haggard face and tired eyes. He had clearly been up all night. Most likely working out some sort of plan for the ship.

Andy steeled herself. She needed him more than ever.

“What did you think up?” Andy said.

Pinkey’s gaze went from Andy to Syan to the rest of the crew around him, as if taking in the weight that all of their lives were depending on him. A full dozen men were waiting for him to speak. Andy wished she could have told him not to worry so much. If they died, they died. There was no way to prevent it at this point. It wouldn’t be his fault.

She wished she had the courage to tell him that. It wouldn’t be his fault.

Pinkey squared his shoulders. “It’s not a foolproof plan.”

“I’m not asking it to be.”

There was an eerie silence on the water. Despite being so close to the Navy ship—they could now clearly see the men marching along their deck in their blue suits and silly, stupid white powder wigs.

“Here’s my plan,” Pinkey said. He gestured to Syan. He pressed his hands together like he was praying. “It involves you, Syan. You’re really going to be the reason we get out of this alive—if we do get out of this alive. How many men do you think you can take down?”

All the men stared at Syan. She stared back. Andy wanted to rescue her, and she was ready to jump to her defense. Syan wasn’t their fighting machine, she would have said. They weren’t going to use her as a weapon, ask her to risk her life for them. Andy was going to deflect and ask Pinkey to continue detailing the plan without Syan’s involvement.

But Syan spoke up first.

“None,” she said.

Pinkey’s eyebrows drew together. “None?”

“I think you’ve all been misled.”

“What does that mean?” Tobi asked. Though the question was for Syan, he glared at Andy. “We’ve been misled?

“I’m not the type of siren you’ve heard stories about. I’m not strong. My singing isn’t powerful. I’m sort of… the runt of the litter. I won’t be much help.”

There were groans and swears. Pinkey’s face fell. Joseph closed his eyes and nodded as if he had suspected the whole thing.

“Just our luck we’d get a defective siren,” Tobi said. “And very convenient you kept that from everyone until now.”

“Hey,” Andy snapped. “This isn’t her fault. What was she supposed to do? Tell a ship of strangers that she’s actually weak and vulnerable on top of being injured?”

“I think she got what she wanted from us, and now she’s going to slip away the first chance she gets. I say we hand her over to save our skin.”

To Andy’s relief and shock, everyone turned angry eyes at Tobi. Especially Pinkey.

“Bastard!” Syan spat.

“Tobi,” Andy yelled. “I swear to fucking God, the only reason I’m not killing you right now is because we need bodies against them! You’re fucking useless as anything else. Pinkey, please continue your plan.”

Pinkey continued. “Uh, well, we all need to save our ammunition. No one shoot at long range. Wait until you can guarantee a good shot. Even if that means waiting for them to get on the ship. Even if it means they’re drawing first.

“When we’re out of bullets, switch to swords. Don’t let them corner you. Everyone stays tight together in the middle of our ship. Partner up. Have each other’s backs.”

“If you fuck over one of us, you fuck over all of us,” Andy added. “Put some damage on their men. When they return, we’re going to make sure that everyone knows that they faced us.”

She wasn’t expecting to gear up for such a motivational speech, but there she was. All eyes were on her. Pinkey’s face turned bright, excited.

Especially Syan’s. Her eyes were wide, captivated at seeing Andy’s passion for the first time.

Andy really had been a pretty shit captain for a while. It was time she started acting like she was leading all those men.

“It’s not about coming out alive,” Andy said. “It’s about putting up a fight. We are not going to surrender like some cowards. We are not going to let them think that we’re a weak, meager pirate crew. Their egos are already bloated enough as it is. They don’t need to believe that we buckle under the pressure of their presence alone. We let them know that we’re here for a fight.”

The men cheered. Syan clapped her hands.

“Don’t let them win before they’ve killed every last one of us. Even if we only fight for five minutes—we make sure they’re a damn good five minutes.”

The men’s faces reddening and their brows sweating in fear, in anticipation, in excitement. If they were all going to their deaths—at least they were going together.

Andy gripped her sword at her side. Her pistol was heavy in her coat pocket. They’d be lucky if they lasted five minutes, but Andy’s watch had broken months ago so there would be no way for her to know.

Pinkey handed Syan a saber. She tightened her hand around the hilt. Her knuckles paled from the force.

“You can still hide—“ Andy began.

“No,” Syan said. “I’m not hiding.”

“The more men, the better,” Pinkey said. He squeezed Syan’s arm. “Remember everything I’ve taught you.”

“You’ve barely taught me anything.”

“Hold on tight and slash,” Pinkey said. “That’s all you need today.”

He looked a bit sad. Andy couldn’t blame him. His instructions were on how to be desperate, how to try to live. It’s how everyone first learned how to wield a sword. Swing it at whoever’s coming toward you. Don’t lose it. Because there are moments where something is better than nothing and that something had to harness brutal, feral energy to make up for lack of technique.

Pinkey took Syan’s wrist and elbow, helping her support the sword.

“Use the weight of the saber to your advantage,” he said. “It’s all going to be in your shoulders. Follow through with your motion with your whole body.”

He guided Syan’s arm in a slow swing. Andy didn’t get jealous this time.

She looked at the rest of her men. They were hyping themselves up. They went through some motions with the swords and checked their guns. Whatever little ammunition and gunpowder they all had left would be used.

And then her eyes settled on Syan. They settled on the sharp angle of her jaw and the curve of her high cheekbones. The chestnut coloring of her complexion. Her long eyelashes that rested on her freckled cheeks as she looked down at Pinkey’s hands wrapped around her arm.

Syan’s skin, when she had first come on board, was gray. It had looked like watery mud from the ocean, ashen and sickly. But it had since brightened in the sun and tanned beautifully. Freckles had popped out over her face and over the tops of her shoulders. They painted her cheeks and nose like a mask for a masquerade ball, just so slightly altering her the appearance that Andy first knew.

Andy would mourn all the lost opportunities with Syan—the things that had never happened. The mornings of sharing a bed, the evenings of pinching Syan’s body and biting her neck, the little things that Andy wouldn’t even know would happen. She mourned the mystery of the future.

Andy leaned against the railing of the deck. Syan looked up, tried hiding a smile, and then looked past Andy.

“Captain,” Syan said, and Andy gave herself half a second to revel in hearing the title coming from lips. “They’re coming.”

Andy looked over her shoulder. She was expecting the men to rush over as soon as they learned that her ship was a sitting duck. No response to the canon, no escalation. The Navy knew that they were fucked, and Andy expected them to take full advantage.

She had expected half the crew to storm her ship and the other half to wait patiently as if they were watching someone squash a spider. She was expecting bloody violence and pressing herself up against her men and holding Syan close to her side, a hand pressed to her waist just to make sure that Syan was the last thing she felt on the earth.

But rather than a violent storm of men that Andy had imagined, there was only one rowboat coming across the water with a handful of men. Their blue uniforms and white wigs were so distinct, Andy could vomit all over them. As the boat drew closer, they turned from dark pinpricks to defined people with swords at their sides and scowls on their faces.

Pinkey checked that his pistol was loaded and silently ushered the crew away from the edge of the boat and to the middle of the deck. There, they stood together, the hot sun beating down on them and the air so stiff Andy thought she would choke on it.

Andy reached out for Syan’s hand and clumsily intertwined their fingers together. Syan’s palm was warm and dry. It was so large and her fingers so long that she could easily cup Andy’s hand in her own—as though Andy’s hand had been made specifically to be the perfect size for Syan’s.

They held each other desperately, discreetly, just like that. Andy felt her fingers going numb, but she only squeezed back harder. If they were to die, they would die with parts of themselves mended together.

It didn’t take long for the rowboat to reach the ship and for all but two men on board to climb their way to the deck.

Andy’s knees went weak. The captain climbed aboard first with his stupid hat and golden buttons on his dark frock coat. He pulled himself around in jerking motions, only using one hand and the other limply flailing at the end of his arm. Once on the deck, his hand rested limp on the hilt of his sword.

The fingers were completely incapable of being used and curled inward toward his palm. Andy couldn’t see from where she stood, but she could imagine a clear scar on his hand. Right in the middle of his palm. It would be thick just like the scars that were on Syan’s legs, heavy on her thighs and trickling down her calves, and pale like sea foam.

“Captain Andrea,” he said. His voice was even, calm, and just as deep as Andy remembered it being. “We meet again. Charmed, I’m sure.”

Andy’s mouth split into a sneering smile. “Captain Bettridge. Always a fucking pleasure to see you.”

[cosmiccrushes]

Not Part Of The Crew

Law x OC || 2.9k word chapter

Read the rest here!

***

CH 4

Rue cast surreptitious looks at Trafalgar Law as he led her back to his study, half-convinced this was his final ploy to lull her into a false sense of security before he killed her. Except, in her gut, that didn’t quite align with the reserved, calm pirate who’d treated her injury, given her a tour of his ship. Granted, a rather poor tour of his ship, but still, he’d laughed at her joke about this. Why do all that if he was planning to kill her anyway? Something he could easily achieve without all the subterfuge. Unless, an ominous voice whispers inside her, he’s a serial killer playing with his prey… 

She shudders at the disturbing thought, side-eyeing him again. He doesn’t seem to notice as he opens the door to his office, waving her ahead of him. Rue plants her feet and crosses her arms, determined not to give him her back after that alarming train of thought. No matter how adamant he had seemed earlier when pointing out that he was unarmed.  

“What?” He asks impassively. 

Rue doesn’t move, just squints at him harder. “You’re really not planning to kill me? The doctor thing isn’t just a ruse to hide your creepy murderous tendencies?” 

The smallest twitch at the corner of his mouth is the only visible reaction to her question. “Yes, I am really not planning to kill you.” Law says slowly. And then, “The only ruse you’ll find here is the one who can’t seem to stop plotting my murder of her.” 

Rue’s mouth gaped open. “Stars above!” She exclaimed. “Did you just make a joke with my name?” 

Law wore a smug but restrained smile on his face that suggested he was quite pleased with himself. Rather than respond, he proceeded into the room ahead of her, stopping to lean against his desk, watching her. 

Satisfied that she wouldn’t have to turn her back to him, Rue cautiously stepped into the room. Mind spinning with the possibility that Trafalgar Law could be funny, of all things. 

“This shelf here,” Law pointed to a row of books below the medical texts she’d been examining earlier. To his credit, Law must’ve noticed the wary way she watched him as she approached the bookshelf beside his desk. He sighed shortly, picked up a book from his desk and retreated to the sofa across the room. “Feel free to take whatever you like,” he called before opening his book. 

She watched him a moment longer, satisfied that he meant to stay seated, before bending down to examine the collection of books. Rue was mildly surprised to find the shelf stuffed full of mystery novels. That was the genre he’d specifically asked her about. And what, did she think that he should be reading thrillers and horror novels to match the terrifying pirate persona? A persona she had yet to actually experience. So what if Trafalgar Law liked reading mysteries. That was his business. 

Rue selected a book, mostly at random and held it up in Law’s direction. “Thanks,” she said, heading towards the door. Testing to see if he would let her leave alone. But he didn’t, of course he didn’t.

He closed his book and stood up, heading towards her. “I’ll see you back to your quarters.” 

“Worried I might try my hand at jumping overboard anyway,” she quipped. “Flood your ship while I’m at it.”

Law stopped beside her. Rue’s pulse jumped at his proximity. 

He held eye contact with her, face unreadable. “Now I’m worried about that.” 

She smiled. “Good.” This time, she swept out of the room ahead of him. Another test. If he attacked her from behind, at least she had a weapon now. How hard could it be to bludgeon a pirate with a mystery novel?

Law trailed her back to her room. As she opened her door, his voice made her pause.

“Cerulean.”

It was the first time he’d directly called her name and it felt strange, like a familiarity that wasn’t supposed to exist with this notorious pirate. She froze in the doorway, looking up at him. 

For a moment, she didn’t think he was going to say anything more, that her name had just been his form of a dismissal. Then he asked a question she suspected he’d been sitting on all day.

“Who are you running from?” He looked at her with an intensity to his focus that almost made her want to answer. Almost. 

She tsked. “Ah, I’m afraid that information will cost you much more than a book.” She waggled the mystery novel between them.

“What would it cost?” Law asks with that same intensity that has Rue almost wondering if he’d be willing to pay whatever price she named. Almost. But then Rue thought of the book she playfully held up between them and a realization dawned on her.

Trafalgar Law likes a mystery. She laughed aloud at the epiphany, which seemed to snap Law out of his intent inquisitiveness. 

“Never mind,” he said gruffly. Forcing her to back into the room as he reached around her to grab the doorknob. “Enjoy your book.” With that, he closed the door on her.

Trafalgar Law likes a mystery. She was certain this was the reason he wanted her to answer his questions. He didn’t care one way or another who she was or what happened to her. He just wanted to solve the mystery of the stowaway on his ship. She fell onto the bed as a wave of giggles crashed over her. She couldn’t help it. It was just so ridiculous. Her life had been saved, all because Trafalgar Law had a favorite genre. The smile stayed on her face as she picked up the book and began to read. 

****

The rest of the day passed uneventfully. Rue read, she paced, she ate the dinner brought to her. She did try to plot her next moves, but admittedly hadn’t gotten farther than 1.) get off this ship and 2.) earn some berry so she could get on another ship, ideally not as cargo this time. The only solid item on her master plan was that she had to keep moving. There was no other choice. Stay anywhere for too long…well, that place would become her tomb. Malax Fangle would see to that unless she could find a way to see to him.    

When she grew weary and overwhelmed thinking about the seemingly impossible, endless journey ahead of her, she extinguished the lights and climbed under the covers. 

As she waited for sleep to come, a highlights reel of the seemingly impossible, endless journey of her life played. Things hadn’t been easy for Rue ever, at least not since before she could remember. She’d grown up alone, learned to take care of herself. Learned not to form attachments. A year ago, things had taken a rather drastic turn for even worse than usual for her. Much worse, actually. Her life might’ve been hard, but she hadn’t been trapped like this since she was a child. She didn’t care about the people of Ashita Island, not really. Just Carlo. And he’s gone now. But she hadn’t wanted to see any of them suffer. 

Rue tosses and turns in fitful sleep that night. Her dreams plagued by nightmares that are real.

Fire. Blood. Cold, damp, dark rooms. Other lonely, lost children.

When Rue opens her eyes the next morning, they ache with unshed tears. She allows herself a cathartic sigh, blowing her dark curls out of her face. She rolls out of bed, slumping onto her hands and knees on the floor. Reveling in her dramatics this morning, something she misses when she isn't working. Being a bard afforded her plenty of opportunity for theatrics. It always felt good, channeling her emotions like that. If she could pour her rage into a song, then she wouldn’t pour it elsewhere, like gasoline setting the world ablaze.  

After taking a moment to freshen up, splashing water on her face in an attempt to erase the awful night’s sleep, Rue eyed the book she’d left on her bedside table last night. She reckoned it had been somewhere in the neighborhood of three o’clock in the morning when, frustrated with the nightmares continuously rousing her, she finally gave up on sleep. She’d flicked the lamp back on and read through the whole book. Hmm, pretty good, she’d thought. It seemed like Trafalgar Law might have decent taste in books. After setting the book aside, she must’ve dozed off again, though her sleep was no more restful than before.

She stares at the book now, debating how she can use the knowledge that Law enjoys a mystery to her advantage. She can’t have more than a day left to spend on the ship before they reach a port where she can be dropped at. Not long at all to keep Law wondering about her story rather than chopping her into bite-sized pieces. Something she’d heard rumored he could very easily do with his devil fruit powers. 

She glances at her closed door, wondering how much longer until breakfast would be brought. Wondering if Trafalgar Law would visit her again. She remembered yesterday, how his eyes bored into her when he’d asked for the cost of her information. His flare of irritation and abrupt departure when he’d thought she’d laughed at his question.

Knowing it was likely futile, Rue still crossed the room and placed her hand on the doorknob. She glared at it, silently demanding its cooperation before applying pressure. And…it opened! She gaped as the door swung inward, stepping to the side to stare at it. She probably looked like she’d never seen a door before in her life. 

Had Bepo, who’d brought her dinner last night, forgotten to lock it when he left? Had Law ordered it to be unlocked? She peeked out into the hallway confirming there was no guard at her door before hurrying to collect her borrowed book. She clutches it to her chest as she considers whether this is a wise move. Maybe Law was planning to leave her alone now and she could simply hide out in this room until they let her go.

However, an incredibly annoying part of her can’t stop thinking about the gentleness of Law’s fingers on her skin as he’d tended the cut on her arm. The sensation of pleasure as he’d blown cool air on her stinging wound. He was a curiosity himself. Rue didn’t really trust people by nature. And she couldn’t actually fathom trusting Trafalgar Law. But something about him spoke of a genuineness that Rue couldn’t keep herself from being intrigued by. A pirate with a massive bounty and deadly powers who wanted to be a doctor? Who carefully tended to the injuries of a stowaway on his ship? Maybe Trafalgar Law loved mysteries so much he’d turned himself into one too.  

Nodding to herself, she left her room. Her feet remembered the way to his study. If mystery was what had kept her alive thus far, well then, she’d go be vexingly mysterious. 

***

Rue crept quietly through the hall leading to Trafalgar Law’s office. As she came to his closed door, she raised her hand to knock, but before her knuckles could connect, the door swung open. A rather sleep-rumpled Law stared back at her. 

“Cerulean,” he said, a note of surprise in his deep voice. 

Rue realized she was gawking at his messy black hair, still tousled from sleep. Or maybe it always looked that way. She hadn’t seen him without his hat before and something about seeing him now, caught unawares, made her feel defensive. 

“You’re not wearing a hat!” She accused. 

Law’s hand trailed up to the side of his head as if to confirm he was guilty of her charge. “I was just going to the kitchen to grab some breakfast.” Noting her apparent annoyance at this he adds, “Is that a problem?” 

“Well, you just don’t look very pirate-y or captain-y at the moment.” Rue knows her tone conveys aggravation at this and she’s not even sure why.  

“Right,” Law nods slowly and she can tell he’s trying to decipher her mood. Being mysterious, even to yourself apparently, good work Rue, she thinks. At least she’s immediately achieving her goals. 

“You didn’t lock me in,” Rue says, doubling down on the accusations this morning. Why does she feel mad again? She has no idea, but she crosses her arms over the book she’s carrying for stern emphasis. 

Law’s eyes flick down to it as he says, “No, I told Bepo not to when he brought your dinner.” 

“I could’ve flooded your ship. Doomed us all straight to Davy Jones’ locker.” He didn’t need to know that she’d only discovered her door unlocked mere minutes ago. It might be a terrible idea continuing to antagonize him, but Rue couldn’t bring herself to cease it. Her gaze rising again to his unruly hair.

Law looks at her unimpressed. “You really couldn’t have. It’s not that easy. And-” He cuts her off as she opens her mouth to protest. “I have a feeling you’re too much of a survivor for that.” 

Whatever protestations she was going to make die on her lips. He’s not wrong and she hates him a little bit for it. He should think the opposite with how she’s behaved. She’d tried to present a front that she wasn’t afraid of anything, including dying. Something about his statement made her think that maybe he knew how afraid she actually was, how badly she wanted to live.  

“Do you want some breakfast?” He asks. 

Rue nods, distracted by her current irritation at Trafalgar Law. Couldn’t he at least do something diabolical for her to be irritated with? Bloody inconsiderate pirate. 

Law surprises Rue by grabbing a loaf of bread and a platter of cheese and fruit from the kitchen before turning to exit again. She’d already sunk onto a bench at one of the tables. “Where are you going?” She asks him, feeling a little embarrassed that she was perhaps expected to gather her own food, that this hadn’t been a request to dine together. 

“I was planning to eat breakfast in my office,” he paused. “Unless you’d be more comfortable eating here?” 

“Oh.” He meant for her to join him in his office? The thought breaks through her irritation and makes her feel rather bold. “If you wanted to get me alone, Trafalgar Law, you just had to ask.” She winks, getting up from the table and heading towards him. Right, she was supposed to be vexing him, not the other way around.    

“We’re already alone,” Law replies.

She hums in agreement, plucking a grape off of the plate that he holds and popping it into her mouth. She sees his eyes track the movement but before she can think more of it, he’s moving away from her. 

“If you want to eat, I suggest you follow me. But by all means, if you’d rather try drowning us all, go ahead.” 

Rue smiles as she follows him back to his office. 

***

They eat breakfast, sitting side-by-side on the sofa in his study, the food placed on the low table in front of them. How strange, to be sitting here, enjoying breakfast, not at all immediately worried about being murdered. 

Rue presents Law with the books she borrowed. “I finished this last night.” 

Law glances over to her. “Really? Do you like to read?” 

“When I get the opportunity,” she says noncommittally. The truth is, Rue loves to read. Carlo used to keep a supply of new books for her when she came through. She didn’t typically have the luxury of buying a book, so she relied on town libraries or exchanges with other bards. Stories are a bard's best friend, after all. But Law didn’t need to know how her fingers itched to go choose another book. To lose herself in someone else’s story for a while.

“Would you like to pick another?” She meets Law’s eyes and wonders if he saw through her nonchalance. “You could,” Law hesitates. “Choose whatever you like. Stay here to read if you want.” He’s looking at her earnestly. 

This is what he’s after, she reminds herself. An opportunity to learn more of her secrets. She can’t mistake his outward kindness for care. The only person she can rely upon is herself. The only reason she’s sitting here is for Trafalgar Law’s entertainment.  

“You asked me yesterday who I’m running from,” Rue begins. “Let’s just say, I had a run-in with some nasty pirates. A plight I very much hope is not repeating.”  

Law shifts towards her, his knee bumping hers briefly. “That’s why I unlocked your door.” He says quietly. “If you want to make me your enemy, I can’t stop you. But I meant what I said. You’re not mine.” He looks sharply away from her. Abruptly rising to go to his desk, where he sits down, drawing a stack of books towards him. 

“Okay, then,” Rue says. “We’re in agreement. We won’t be enemies. For now, we’ll be..” She taps her lip in thought. “A non-violent book club.”

“Are there violent book clubs?” Law asks skeptically.

“Oh, there’s violent everything,” Rue says darkly. And with that, she goes to pick out another book, choosing at random. She settles back onto the sofa, tucking her feet under her as she flips open to the first page. 

[saltylemonade13]

Edit: I am afraid that I may have spread some misinformation, and a lot of the information in this post is technically wrong now. So please PLEASE check the comments! someone left a link to a post on twitter explaining how Hobie’s age is up to opinion, and I think everyone should look at that first. I will still be keeping this post up to to provide a link to the interview if you want to watch it yourself, and I also want to see what other peoples opinions are on the subject! (Please keep it friendly) However, if you are curious to read the psa, go ahead, but keep in mind that it isn’t exactly accurate anymore.

———————————————————————

PSA FOR PUNKFLOWER FANS

WILL CONTAIN SPOILERS FOR SPIDER-MAN: ACROSS THE SPIDER- VERSE

———————————————————————

Yall I think we messed up. Hobie could be an adult and we all were wrong about him being 16. My evidence comes from an interview with co-director Kemp Powers. In the interview we get a short mention on Hobie Brown, and that includes his age. [Timestamp: 1:02:21]

And the quote is as following: “… We need to make that character look like a dork. And the character that makes that character look like a dork is Spider Punk. Y’know he’s- he’s nineteen- twenty, six foot three inches tall real thin…”

As far as I am aware this is the best conformation of his age that I have found. HOWEVER this could possibly be referring to the comic version of Hobie, and how the directors found him and all of COMIC Hobie’s details, as we know that in the comics- he’s an adult. But its important to not this because, on every other site I check- they say he’s around 16, and maybe a little older than Gwen. But I’m hesitant because all of those sites have little to no confirmation, and aren’t a stable source of evidence.

ALSO if Hobie really is 19-20 that makes the whole “love triangle” thing with Gwen REALLY weird. I’ve seen a lot of people say that the love triangle was a joke and wasn’t a serious plot point, but again, the interview says other wise.

“ …but wonderfully as we were working on the film he became integral to the plot. And I think that’s-that’s really whats key. ‘Cause it starts with like- well this is kind of a cool character this idea of you know Mile’s starting to have feelings for Gwen and being uncertain about this other boy so punk like immediately filled in that slot. ” [Time stamp: 1:01:40]He then goes on to talk about how over time punk’s character develops more past that and blah blah blah.

The genuine idea of Mile’s being jealous about Hobie and Gwen seems weird to me if Hobie really is an adult, but that fact that he is mentioned to be 19-20 scares me. Powers never mentioned if he was talking about comic or movie Hobie or if they even are different, but it’s very possible Hobie is an adult in the movie.

I could definitely be looking into it WAY to much and if thats true I apologize, but for all my Punk-flower fans out there, maybe it’s best if we hold off on the ship until someone gives out an official age? Or we should at least be careful. I am aware that some of my information and opinions here aren’t clear and I am so sorry for that. And I am also aware that most sites say that Hobie is around 16 but unless we can confirm that, better safe than sorry y’know?

This does not mean any punk flower enjoyers are now like pr0shipers or something- especially because we don’t really know much, and I don’t intend to make anyone feel bad, I only intend to inform everyone on how punk-flower could very possibly be an accidental pr0ship- and if it is we should take it down as quickly as possible. BUT TAKE EVERYTHING I SAY WITH A GRAIN OF SALT.

Have a nice day, and I love you all 🫶

[cherokeegal1975]

Free Audiobook on Youtube with a private feedback comment included.

I know this is a repost, but bear with me. There is a reason for it. I'm making sure you know what this comment is about. These next paragraphs between the quotes are not my words. They were written to me in a kind of letter attached to the first chapter of my book. Noonibean was doing me a solid just because she wanted to. She quit after the fifth chapter. Still grateful years later anyway.

This is purely a copy paste, I changed nothing:

"Please forgive me; I started off using Microsoft track changes, but it was taking me FOREVER and I was also afraid all the notes and splices might confuse you. So I went ahead and just gave everything a facelift and kept it in black. Next time, I will write my changes in a different color.

Okay, so first of all, I really think you have something great here, and I’m not just blowing smoke. I love the world you have built, and I am already very intrigued by the storyline. You captured Johnny’s relationship with Little Girl beautifully, and the same goes for Goldie. You can tell they all care about each other deeply. Is it weird that Johnny kind of reminds me of Aladdin? Lol, I think it’s the desert vibe and the growing up with thieves thing.

I love that you started the story with a strong action hook, but since you backtrack from there, I’m wondering if you can find a clear and concise way to transition into the past. Even if it’s a sentence or two about his mind going back into the past as he runs. (He doesn’t actually reach the rocks/resting place in this chapter, right? I just assumed he was running this whole time.)

You paint the pictures and scenes wonderfully, and I can imagine all of it as I read – just be careful not to add too much where explanation isn’t necessary. I noticed you have a tendency to over-explain certain things about the characters or the situation. We don’t always need to know the “why.” Try to keep it clean and concise so as not to slow down the narrative. This first chapter is extremely tough too, because it is practically all narrative and there is very little dialogue. Just because you know certain things about the characters doesn’t mean your audience needs to know them. Let them figure a few things out for themselves. Remember to give your readers the credit they deserve. They are smarter than you think, and not everything has to be explained to them, especially when you “show” rather than “tell.” All the rest is just fluff. For example, because you’re a good writer, I already assumed LG could see well in the dark, and I knew how much Johnny cared about her.

Basically, I went in and corrected some grammar, and trimmed the “fat” to make everything read tighter without affecting the real meat of the story. For example, instead of three paragraphs about Johnny’s sand ship, we really only need one-and-a-half. The narrative I cut out can easily be peppered in throughout the rest of the book if absolutely necessary, so let me know if there was something I took out that was crucial. I don’t think I did, though.

Regarding the action scenes, remember that tight, short sentences convey the sense of urgency best. Longer sentences slow the action down, so I shortened the cliff jumping scene as well as the fight scene. Another thing I did was re-arrange sentences to make them flow more naturally, and remove “filler” adjectives along with invisible words like “that” and “of.”

I tried to deepen Johnny’s point of view. For example, since we are in his POV, you wouldn’t need to say: “He knew there was a way to drive down from up there.” You would simply put: “There was a way to drive down from up there.” Since we are in his mind, he already knows it. Know what I mean?

Lastly, words like “was” and “to be” tend to make a story read more passively, so I like to use them sparingly. If I can think of a different way to word the sentence without using those passive words, I will do that instead. Example of a passive sentence (which we don’t want): “He was tired and hungry.” Same thing, but active instead: “Wariness overcame him, and his stomach growled with hunger pangs.”

Also, is it Prince Richard or King Richard? I was hella confused, lol. It’s king in the beginning, and then Prince after that. I would choose one and stick with it or explain why he is now being called Prince.

I really hope some of this made sense. I tend to ramble. Let me know what you think about the edits I made. I am really looking forward to reading more!"

This is a comment from a lovely lady that goes by Noonibean on DeviantART. I am respecting her privacy by not posting her real name. I did follow her advice in my manuscript and on my posts for this book on DeviantART (I'm CherokeeGal1975 there too), but the fixes do not appear in the actual novel because I'm doing a hands off policy until I can get some more help from a professional editor. But I thought I'd share this since she did have some very positive things to say about my book.

I can't fix the audiobook, that will have to come much later. I think I'd rather hire someone to be my reader once I have all the work done I need to do. Not sure when that will be, but I set it as a life goal...or to put it another way, it's on my bucket list.

I'd love to read what you think as well.

P.S. - Noonibean did the cover art for my Kindle version of Unexpected Cargo. I would've used it for my paperback version of it, but for some reason Amazon wouldn't let me. So I just keep that cover art as a treasured file.

[raszzpbrry]

I hate when people tell me my FNaF au isn’t canon. There’s a reason people call it “au” in the first place. It’s not supposed to be canon. Please don’t tell someone their AU is wrong.

Please don’t say that it’s not canon. That’s the point. An AU is how YOU imagine the story going. It doesn’t mean you disagree with how the canon story goes necessarily, or that you think your AU is canon, it just means that you’re imagining a “what if” scenario.

Please stop being that one person who goes

“wELl acTuAlLy!”

It’s not funny. It’s annoying. Let people have their own things sometimes. Dear god.

And I’m not saying that all AU’s have to be respected. If the AU is like shipping a minor and adult, go ahead, hate it, I really couldn’t care less. But if it’s just a simple AU that changes the story a tiny bit??? There’s no reason that you should take issue to it..

It’s not that hard to understand. Please just stop with the “but that’s not how the story goes!!”

I’m sorry that this is really long, but I had this happen on discord when explaining the premise of my AU and it’s very frustrating for someone to call you wrong for having an imagination :/

And yes.. I know my AU isn’t canon.. dear lord.

[chibivesicle]

Trigun Maximum - I have feelings.

Ooooh boy.  I ended up at the shop for a bit this morning to have my HVAC controller in my car fixed and I had some down time.  I spent it reading the Trigun manga while the local CBS station had the morning news on the TV.  The pacing for this manga is fast fast fast fast and faster.  I will definitely need to go back and reread all of it after my first pass because it is both sparse and dense at the same time.  The amount of information that you have to glean from it - not sure if it is a stylistic choice or forces you to think about it just yet.

Yet, you know it is never a good sign when a character ends up bleeding profusely in the author’s notes.  Warning, mild spoilers ahead for up to volume 9.

Several plot points have just sort of made me go, ‘huh . . .’ and try to shake out why it would make sense in the context of things.

1.) Knives is the leader of his own personal crusade and he doesn’t need to convince anyone of it.  More that he simply tells himself that ‘sacrifices are necessary for the cause’, when the cause is himself? All other life is meaningless save for his own?  I hope the next few volumes clear this up a bit more since I’m currently struggling to really understand his motivations.  Especially, his idea to steal as many plants as possible, ‘eat’ his ‘sisters’ and to do what?  Even if the other ships get close enough to the planet and he absorbs them, then what?  I dunno man, what is your endgame?

2.) The Eye of Michael are an assassin group that recruits orphans due to the fact they lack attachment to others.  And their goal is to achieve what exactly?  They’ve been around for 133 years and they are far to obvious to act as a sort of covert group. I mean sure, if you kill everyone in your path there won’t be eyewitnesses but the giant cross - not subtle.  They are working with Knives but it isn’t the same - only part of them were sort of committed to the gung ho guns.  I really need to go back and glean from the text.

3.) Wolfwood is around 20 - max?!?! I’m also baffled how he got recruited based on what we’ve seen up through volume 9.  I found his words to be out of alignment with his age as a child at the orphanage.  Only going by the anime, I put him to be older, like 30s.  When he has his showdown with Chapel, we know that he was trained by him for ten years but the specifics are vague and it is clear he fucked off on his own when he realized he didn’t want to be told what to do.  In the anime, his realistic words of wisdom make sense for them to come from an adult with life experiences.  Yes, trauma and a harsh childhood can make you grow up faster but he always had that weird vibe that he was trained in some sort of religious philosophy that he could have more input into things.

Yet, in the manga he still has mature dialogue that I don’t quite get.  I hope volume 10 helps to explain things further in regards to this weird disconnect.  Wolfwood is there to oppose Vash in a constructive way, not in the straight out opposition that Knives is to Vash.  Yet, by having Wolfwood start out as someone who is good with others, willing help out and care about people.  It makes it obvious in retrospect he’d never be able to have given his all to the role that he was supposed to fill.  I mean the fact that he shot and crippled his mentor but didn’t kill him already speaks volumes.  Does he try to save everyone and not kill like Vash?  No.  Yet his destructive power is more tempered than many others.  He also has that built in protective nature which pops up all the time.  Though, he has spent a lot of time rationalizing that it is why he can kill people.

4.) Plants are technology that works on using the life force of angelic beings trapped in a bubble that are something - I need more info.  Pleeeeeeaaaase? Pretty please?  And are definitely modeled on more ‘realistic’ versions of angels e.g. not looks like a person with a pair of wings. And more in the this angel has a fuckton of eyes all over it and weird creepy manifestations, extra wings, heads, faces etc etc etc.

Does this mean that Knives is into a weird from of cannibalism?  He tried to absorb Vash as well but obviously since they are diametrically opposed to each other’s viewpoints we know that isn’t going to happen.  Isn’t he supposed to respect the other plants that he’s essentially using as an extension of himself?  How is this fair to them.  Hello plant ladies (?) allow me to rescue from your human oppressors - to serve me as a giant melded mess. . . . 

These aren’t my most organized thoughts - just the general feelings and questions that really pop to the surface.  I’ll try to reorganize my thoughts for the future.  I’m thinking of:

1.) Wolfwood analysis - I know lots of people have their own interpretation of him, but I’d like a crack at it too.

2.) Tone of the anime vs the manga.  Right now, I’m leaning towards preferring the anime; by no means is the manga bad, just they have different ways to get to the same sort of end.

3.) Review each episode (or two) of Trigun Stampede.   I’ve seen other commentary online which is being a little more gentle to it.  Not that I want to skewer it, but more point out where it works and doesn’t work in the context of the manga and previous anime.  I purposely, went ahead and rewatched the original just to prepare for watching Stampede.  I’m also getting the vibe that some people are like me and have done this while many other people’s commentary are coming from “I watched it on Adult Swim.” or “I’ve never seen it but it was apparently popular.”  Making me feel even older with the Adult Swim comment since I saw it before then on fan sub VHS.

4.) Why Trigun Maximum is a type of seinen that works for a female audience.  I think this also applies to Golden Kamuy.  The series do have some overlap and I’m beginning to wonder if there are other elements of these two fairly violent series that allow for them to have a more equal gendered fandom.

That’s all for now.  I need to put all my thoughts together and start cracking.

[anime-book-club]

“Please Save My Earth” vol. 1 by Saki Hiwatari

TLDR: 7/10

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Please Save My Earth” is another expensive title to collect physically. I would recommend buying the Kindle edition instead. As it is $6-$7 a book. Getting an entire set once again hits that $1000-$2000 price range if you insist on a physical.

I’ll be honest, I’m only reading this “classic” late 80s manga (with an anime adaptation) because of its relationship with Sonic The Hedgehog! But why? And how is it related?

Apparently this manga had a significant influence on Shiro Maekawa. (A former writer at SEGA and Sonic Team.) and this is what inspired specific writing choices on Sonic Adventure 2 (The space colony ark and Maria specifically) and particular scenes with Shadow and Maria together on the ark. Apparently the voice actor of the main character Alice in the anime adaptation was also the voice of Maria. Which Maekawa described as destiny, and that’s hard to disagree with.

I’m a girl who practically wants to be a Sonic The Hedgehog archivist. I’ve practically experienced all the media Sonic has had on offer and I like reading inspirations and source materials, even if they aren’t Sonic related. I’m hyper fixation to the max.

So does that mean I automatically like this tale of alien scientists who have reincarnated and been born as humans on earth? As their past lives start to overlap with their current ones as it leads to drama and heartbreak?

Ehhh. It’s fine. It’s skippable if you only care about Sonic. But if you like retro manga, I’d give you a positive maybe. And I do like retro manga. So.

The inspiration on Sonic Adventure 2 becomes immediately obvious. But it does a few things that’s… weird. There’s also elements that just plain haven’t aged well. Some of which is ignorable and some of which really isn’t.

But let’s talk about why!

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Detailed spoilers ahead:

Here’s some music while you read because I have a LOT to say:

First let’s talk about the art and my final thoughts on its relationship with Sonic Adventure 2 for book one before getting into the story beats here:

It’s beautiful and soft. I especially love all these scenes in space. Again those influences on Sonic Adventure 2 are so front row in these scenes in particular.

I mean JUST LOOK AT IT:

Context clues imply that if you ship Shadow X Maria you will likely love this kind of material.

Okay but obviously it’s more than its influences on Sonic The Hedgehog, so what made the story a fine experience instead of a great one? Especially since I love it’s inspirational material to death. (My first Sonic games were the Adventure games.)

This is Alice. She has just moved to the city from the countryside. She LOVES plants. (Her past self’s name is Mokuren). For simplicity’s sake these are basically the same person. Except the past self is an alien. Present self is not. (Though the same soul is probably a better way to put it. A lot of these characters are going to have duel identities)

Alice babysits a freaking brat named Rin. (I very much do not like this child.):

I like child characters, and I get that this kid is supposed to be annoying, but I just don’t like his cut. He does gross things to Alice and some of it borders on plain harassment. Especially when BOTH SETS of parents start endorsing the idea of her pretending to marry him in response to her almost killing him. Mind you there’s a 9 year age gap. Rin is 7 years old and Alice is 16.

This is what I mean by some of these elements just not aging well. And one could argue this is 80s manga from Japan. I know some folks like to cut Japan some slack on some of this stuff.

I don’t. It’s 2023, the here and now. Being old does not make it ineligible from critique from a modern perspective. And I think the conversation around that makes it more interesting period.

And hey. I can hear you thinking, “Did she just say Alice almost killed that kid?”. Yes I did.

Being a babysitter of a constantly turbulent kid has Alice is fed up with his behavior. She’s spanked him once before but things reach a boiling point when Rin questions her about wanting to date specific other people (we’ll get into this in a bit). When Alice softly challenges this idea Rin grabs a sentimental object to Rin (a plant from her home town she loved so much.), sits horse back style on the balcony railing, and drops the plant to is death several stories down.

While understandably hurt, Alice stupidly slaps the kid and knocks him off the railing. She manages to catch him, but she is unable to pull the boy back over into safety and he ends up also dropping stories down. (About 12-15 stories high)

This has a weird effect on the story where she is ostracized in school because she effectively pushed a kid off a balcony, but her regular group of friends are guilted into being friends with her again??? And it goes back and forth between emotionally punishing her for it and letting her get away with it emotionally. Though undoubtedly she feels guilty. She never feels she made the right decision, but she is being coddled.

While it’s obviously an accident no one would be cool with her, especially in Japan. She also faces no legal repercussions for this. Which I’m not necessarily advocating for accuracy, but it is a bit too ridiculous on that front. Especially when Rin’s mother advocates his feelings to marry her after he wakes up from his COMA. She also apparently wanted to apologize to Alice for slapping her for slapping her kid off a railing? Nah. Nope. Not a thing.

But, hey, that’s manga. Sometimes you just gotta lean in and enjoy the drama like a soap opera. I get it. I mostly mention it to give you an idea of how this story is going to operate over 20 books. This is only PART OF THE SYNOPSIS for volume 1!

Let’s get into WHY that even happened by first introducing a couple more key characters and their “deal”.

On the left with the dark hair we have Issei. His past alien scientist self, which we don’t see yet, is a woman named Enju. I’ll be swapping between pronouns in the future when talking about Enju and Issei.

On the right is Jinpachi. Their past alien scientist self was named Gyokuran. Whom we also don’t see.

To get you quickly caught up:

Enju likes Gyokuran, but Gyokuran was in love with Mokuren, but Mokuren was already engaged with someone named Shion.

So it stands to reason they still like each other? (Low key it sounds like Enju was always jealous and being treated as a back up plan.)

⬆️ This is a lie. I am certain of this in some capacity. It is uncertain if this is played up as a joke or as a very legitimate conflict. (Too early to judge). I also can’t rightly tell if the manga stands behind that statement or not. But it is also extremely gay coded with them in the modern era. They talk about their dream love together DAILY for Christ’s sake. (And low key act it out. Like COME ON.)

If this is being treated as legitimate, what does that make them? As Jinpachi shows some obvious attraction for Alice. Issei implies that “they’re a guy in real life “ so they could see the appeal of Mokuren. I think Issei will have hidden feelings for Jinpachi. Does that make you gay if you’re context for loving that person was originally straight? As his connection is contingent on knowing him through those dreams. Is Issei gender dysmorphic at all? Which body do they prefer? The one that had a better chance to be with the person they love or the one that has a second, but maybe slimmer, chance to be with them now? Did Gyokuran like Enju at all? Because Jinpachi does seem to like Issei in some capacity. And are those feelings only for Issei, or can that be extended to other men? And how does that effect the relationship now???

They both seem to like both their past and current bodies, does that play a unique roll here? What would you call that? It is obviously reincarnation but are they truly reliving those moments or are they simply kinning their own past lives they get to watch like a TV?

I’m aware some of these are weird questions but I can’t help but wonder these as I read. These aren’t questions that will probably be answered for a while and likely not directly. Hopefully they aren’t… poorly answered. I’m interested to see how this manga will handle these topics.

Now. How does ALL THAT relate back to Rin and Alice?

The whole reason why the balcony fight even happened is because Alice obviously kinda likes Jinpachi. And it is obviously reciprocated.

So Rin gets hurt and Alice prays that he wakes up from his coma and he does. Great. I’m gonna mostly skip over the weird engagement because like, already covered why I don’t like that. But the idea is so wild to Alice she straight up just passes out from the mere idea.

Apparently Rin has new intuitive powers. It is unclear how they work. He initially wakes up in tears after, what I assume, is having his own dream of a past life. Knowing this manga’s m.o. even from just the first volume and Shadow The Hedgehog, I would be willing to bet money this little brat is Shion. 🙄

But after reconfirming with his mother that he does indeed wish to marry Alice, we cut to later and he is sneaking out of bed. He goes out to the balcony and just jumps out and lands safely.

He had apparently contacted gangsters??? And then mentally manipulates one of the biker’s motorcycle brakes to fail so he can have a personal chat with the gangster. They literally float in the air together to talk. The manga ends with Rin requesting that the gangster gives him the Tokyo tower. Okay I guess??? It is about aliens. Sure.

In the midst of all this happening Alice has her “reawakening” after fainting from the news of the engagement. (She faints twice from this news and then cries about it FYI)

We see who I assume is Shion and we see Mokuren. The big thing established is that Mokuren is a… Japan nut (Their words not mine). An Otaku. But it is implied (at least in the first book) they that exist in the era of the dinosaurs (With humans not existing yet. Because remember, all the main cast in past lives are aliens)

And she talks about pronouncing her name “The Japanese way” and making oden. It implies she can mentally visit her future body in the present??? Astral projecting? Is that what they call that? Something along those lines. Like she was astral projecting into her future body, so her past self is privy to Japanese culture but other scientists are not? Unclear. Too early to truly judge. I understand wanting to make the character see into the future but I’m not so certain I vibe how they did it? It could’ve been cooler. I think.

“Please Save My Earth” certainly isn’t uninteresting. There is so much to dissect and talk about within even just one volume. Lots of good head canon potential too. It’s a series I want to continue. All the books are rated individually and not as a series as a whole. My initial opinions may change with later volumes. I plan on reading and dissecting all 20 volumes as I consume them so buckle up.

But as is? It’s a weird manga for sure. I could see this being a very particular flavor for a lot of readers. And while I like it, I don’t know if it would be something I would recommend or not until I get a couple more volumes under my belt.

Next: “Please Save my Earth” vol. 2.

(Next review not available yet)

[battlcbornterminated]

THE MUN;; Hello, my name is Melissa, but you all can call me Mel. I have been writing in the RP Community for about 15+ years, so I know how to write. I do not condone , this BS Call Out Culture, Purity Culture, RP Policing, ETC. None of that will be tolerated, I see you acting in it and I will immediately unfollow you. So if you are one of these kind of people, then please don’t follow me. Understand that I have a life, and that sometimes I won’t be on. And my Muses all choose when they want to cooperate with me. So, please know that, and respect it. Don’t come at me about your reply/Starter, cause I will get to it. But you have to be patient, and patience is a virtue. And, respect that this blog will have Dark Themes and some very triggering Content. Such as, but not limited too, Drug Abuse, Smut, Cursing, Satanism, Torture, mentions of Rape, Abuse, Incest, Blood Play, Kink, and more but they will be tagged.

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