#this isn’t news per se bc it’s happened in the past

[noturmuse]

So many men think they’re owed a woman’s time, attention, intimacy, etc and it has brought on so much violence that women have had to undergo

[quixoticanarchy]

Ok I see why there can be relief in diagnosis and being able to apply a label, reticule, etc to your experience of the world and process it through that lens. As in: ‘oh there’s not something uniquely wrong with me, I’m not just broken.’ You have an explanation now. Your traits and idiosyncrasies, in becoming Symptoms, make sense. But the flip side of that, I think, is the reaction of ‘oh shit - I’m like this bc I have [x].’ Making your experiences diagnosably legible in this way can also make them feel heavier and more potent and much more noticeable. I’m thinking mostly of neurodivergence but I also notice this self-pathologization with noticing and scrutinizing all my physical symptoms to match a new diagnosis.

And idk, I think there’s value in some of the insights I’ve had via considering paradigms like neurodivergence and ideas like unmasking. But now I’ll notice just how much various ‘symptoms’ crop up and affect my life, whereas once it might have just been part of my ordinary fabric of experience, without an explanatory framework to pathologize it. Even if I’m not thinking of these things as bad, just the noticing and the interpreting as Neurodivergent Traits gives everything an extra weight. And then I’ll feel sometimes like unmasking was a mistake or like it created these symptoms. Looking back I don’t think it did, I can see how they’ve always been in the wings or on stage but in costume, disguised. Now they’re out in the light and sometimes I’m like wtf. Who are you. Why are we acting like this. Go away. Which isn’t fair to myself and isn’t going to happen since there is no ‘away.’ I can force the traits (now Symptoms) back in disguise but now I know they’re there. I don’t want to mask forever but I don’t like the Symptoms especially once I started thinking of them that way.

Neither diagnosis nor this self-awareness as neurodivergent is creating the ‘symptoms,’ per se, but there’s such recency bias wherein it seems like suddenly all these ‘symptoms’ are affecting you constantly, where they didn’t before. But maybe they did; you just weren’t calling them symptoms. ‘I’ve never felt [x] before’ or ‘I never used to do [x] so much’ - may be true mostly in that you weren’t calling it [x]. I have in general always been Like This and it did frustrate me before I had language for it too. Unmasking as a practice/process also allows more of these newly made-meaningful traits and moments to surface and, instead of being restrained, feel overwhelmingly frequent or prominent. All in all I kind of feel like I need to undiagnose myself. Keep the understandings I have of myself and try for compassion but stop cataloguing my thoughts or actions or comparing them negatively against the masked self of the past

[yan-twst]

Idk if I made it in time for requests so I'll send it in anyway feel free to delete if too late but headcannons of Yandere Malleus, Kalim and Leona with a darling who loves them back but is scared of being tied to royalty?

a/n: just a quick heads up- kalim isn’t royalty (i used to think he was like, the son of the sultan when i got into twst) like in the sense his family isn’t connected to the crown, however he is the heir to an incredibly powerful and influential family! it still works for the effects of being incredibly stressed to being connected to such important family- think of it as old money rich families- but just thought i’d give a heads up bc i don’t refer to him as royalty in this one. also i’m working off the assumption that the relationship is already like, happening because i don’t want to make these way longer than needed

warnings: general yandere themes, implied violence

❥ leona kingscholar

it all comes off as... almost mockery, really. it leaves a sour taste on his mouth- he can see how his darling tenses at his presence whenever his title is mentioned, how they seem to stress whenever leona’s brother writes about how he should bring his lover to the palace to meet him

it’s not them trying to make leona feel unappreciated or feared, but that’s what they do. he’s spent too long being compared to his brother, being whispered about by servants- it wouldn’t be too far off to say that he almost feels betrayed by his significant other because of this, even if their reluctance isn’t necessarily aimed at him

he isn’t above using pressure to keep them right by his side. royalty might be annoying, but it’s also pressuring and crushing. he knows better than anyone that his darling can easily crumple under it all, and he uses it for his own advantage before they can slink away from him

their face shown to the entire afterglow savannah. being presented to farena and his wife. cheka’s constant cheering and asking “when they’re gonna marry uncle leona”. he has no trouble taking his darling back home by telling them how excited farena is to see them- surely they aren’t about to disappoint the king, are they? and once there, it’s all in his ballcourt.

court manners, keeping up appearance, smile for the citizens, wave as leona puts his arm around their shoulder, try not to go pale and fall when farena introduces them as leona’s partner- this isn’t a marriage announcement, but it might as well be. after all, is it even possible to split off now...? now that everyone seems to think leona’s found his genuine love, that it’s a sweet love story of the ill tempered second prince falling in love with a no-name commoner and tossing aside traditions of royalty marrying royalty to bring them to his kingdom... it’s such a sweet story for everyone, except perhaps for the poor soul that’s trapped in the relationship with no exits

and oh, if pressure isn’t enough, then pain and threats surely will be. leona seems to easily pick his own desires over his darling’s comfort; after all, he so easily chose to shackle them to the relationship just because he feared their insecurities would cause them to leave. now that they’re effectively trapped to him by everyone’s gazes being in them, he just has to keep them docile and obedient, keep them from causing a scene. 

he’s careful enough not to bruise anywhere visible if he thinks punishment is needed; long gone are the days when he’d perhaps tolerate his darling not doing as he pleased, replaced by his seemingly unwavering intent to train them into absolute submission. it’s more so mortifying when he decides to drag their loved ones into the ordeal: perhaps they’re willing to withstand pain themselves, but would they want anything bad to happen to their beloved friends back at nrc, hm? 

“are you being cold to me? you should know better by now.” he isn’t necessarily angry, per se, but annoyed- by now they do know it’s already bad to have him in that mood. there’s an added danger of being back at nrc now that break is over; there’s no longer guards stationed outside the room, no longer the danger of cheka bursting in- which means leona has little to no reason to not be as horrible as he wants, provided he makes sure they can’t scream too loud beforehand. the bruises on their arms still hurt from being gripped too tightly last time he considered they weren’t behaving as affectionately as they should, and the memory immediately makes them tense. without even asking why he’s accusing them of being cold now, they apologize- meek, docile, spineless- and the grin on his face grows. perhaps they’d been to scared at the thought of being connected to royalty before and failed to realize it wasn’t leona’s connection to royalty what made a relationship with him dangerous: how many red flags had they missed before? how many of those quirks and things they chalked off to leona being a bit too possessive or territorial had been warning signs to this eventual outcome? dwelling on the past did nothing to soothe the pains of the present, though. “hmph, i don’t think i’m buying that apology. if you really want to get off without a punishment, put me in a good mood first. you can do that much, can’t you, herbivore?”

❥ kalim al-asim

sweet, innocent and cheerful kalim would seem like the sort of person who wouldn’t understand anxieties over being connected to a powerful family. he gives off such a bubbly and happy impression that such things would simply slip his mind

oh, but they don’t. he himself has suffered at being tied to his family- he’s been through enough attempted assassinations and kidnappings and poisonings that he’s almost de-sensitized to it all. he’s sunny, yes, but it’s almost surprising how cheery he is considering all he’s been through

perhaps that’s why he’s almost... sympathetic to his darling when he finally understands their plight. it’s a relief, really- it’s not that they don’t love him! he’s fine, they’re fine- it’s just a little bit of anxieties! 

he understands, really... it’s so scary to have people wanting to get rid of you. well, it’s different for him, because he’s lived this way all his life, but his darling hasn’t... it must be scary for them... kalim’s affection and his simple mind, combined with his love that runs a bit too deeply mix

good intentions or not, the result is nothing more than glorified imprisonment, really. it begins with him happily saying that he asked crowley for permission to get some guards from back home to come to nrc to make sure nobody tries to break into his darling’s dorm, to then kalim insisting they spend their nights in scarabia for added safety- it snowballs from there

don’t eat the cafeteria food if it hasn’t been poison tested! actually, don’t eat in the cafeteria at all, he’ll provide the food. they don’t have someone like jamil by their side, so try not to wander outside alone! in fact, always have him close if they go out, ok? 

... and of course, it ends up with maybe don’t leave the dorm, since it could be dangerous, and by then? it’s too late. kalim interpreted their anxiety as fear of dangers, because he’s put in danger because of his position, and so he seems to tell himself that as long as he keeps them safe everything is fine

even if they don’t want to do as he says, he’s just... keeping them safe. it’s his duty, as a good boyfriend, right? even if it’s painful to hear them cry from their room as he locks the door, even after he has to keep a chain on their ankle to keep them from trying to pick the lock... kalim doesn’t enjoy their pain, doesn’t relish in the sadism most nrc students seem to inherently have. but he still thinks he’s doing what he must to keep them safe: after all, wasn’t it them who were scared before...?

“i got you this, it reminded me of you! please, won’t you try it on? i’m sure it’ll look amazing on you, and it matches with me... oh, if you don’t like the colour of the gems i could get you another one, too!” kalim opens the box to  present a bracelet. it’s objectively a fine piece of art- surely it’s pure gold and carved jewels, a priceless piece that most could merely dream of even looking at through a glass display, and yet to kalim, there isn’t really a price too high for his lover. they’re his most beloved treasure; and he seems to protect them as such, too, if the chain connecting the cushined cuff on their ankle to the wall says anything. it’s covered in gold and long enough they can wander around the room, but a golden chain still remains a chain. it’s almost silly to think back on how this hell began, with them being anxious over being connected to such an affluent family as the asim family was- in fact, the threats of poisonings or kidnappings hadn’t even crossed their mind until kalim began to protect them from it. and now this was life- kalim seemed to willingly ignore every single time they tried to lash out, acting as if everything was fine, showering them with gifts as if new and expensive belongings could somehow soothe the loss of their freedoms. and maybe it was partly their fault too- after all, they let him put the bracelet on their wrist, let him cheer about how pretty they looked. it was so hard to lash out against him, despite him doing all of this- knowing that he genuinely had no bad intentions, that it was all born out of love and desire to protect, but they were still prisoners with no escape.

❥ malleus draconia

there’s nothing that malleus dreads more than being feared by his darling. that’s what sets them apart from others, what makes him so obsessed, to finally have found someone to show even an inkling of kindness to him, to show him a glimmer of warmth after a life of being feared, of being shunned

he... can’t understand. why are they scared of being tied into royalty? as he sees it, it’s a step up from their current life- power, riches, comfort, those are all things that people dream of, things men have gone to war over, things he can give them. malleus doesn’t seem to comprehend the pressure of it all to someone who’s simply never been involved with the crown- he’s never truly had friends outside of his parental figure or guards, always surrounded by those who work for the crown or are part of the court.

his frustration makes him turn to his instincts. he isn’t willing to lose his darling, not over something like this- even if in reality, he’d be unwilling to let go no matter the reason. what good is power and status if he can’t at least keep the one person he loves the most...? why would he not use said power to keep them by his side?

he seems to think that if he just pushes them headfirst into it, they’ll adjust. a sort of “rip the bandaid” method; they’re anxious over being tied to fae royalty, so why can’t he just show them it’s truly nothing to stress over? they don’t need to worry about ruling or about duties- their title as royalty in the future wouldn’t mean much. they’re malleus’ lover first and foremost, their only true duties would be to stay by his side as they’ve been doing

malleus makes his decision almost worryingly quickly. it’s perhaps because this obsessive attitude has been in him all along, simply brought up by the slight bump in the relationship. maybe his draconic instincts to hoard could be blamed, or maybe his lack of real relationships, or maybe he simply was never meant to love in the regular sense

it... really doesn’t help that most fae don’t think too highly of humans. when malleus drags a clearly terrified and unwilling little human back home and declares them to be his future spouse, the fae court really seems to think of them more as the prince’s pet rather than a lover, leave alone an unwilling victim. if anything, there’s more pressure added to them, the fact that in the castle there isn’t really any ally for them

he’s persistent. malleus doesn’t want to hurt his darling much, but his temper isn’t quite stable. test him too much and he’ll snap, electricity and magic humming in the air. the faster his darling learns that the best path for them is to just do as he says, to hold him and kiss him and try and hide how their body tenses and hands shake when he enters the room, the better it’ll be for them. it’s not like they’re going to be getting any other life soon- upon returning to nrc, malleus doesn’t see the need for them to attend classes. after all, their future is already decided as a docile spouse to a king, they aren’t going to be needing much of an education, as much as they simply have to learn to be a doting and gentle spouse to him.

“i don’t understand why you’re so stressed over this.” malleus sounds genuinely confused, arms crossed as he stares at his darling. the poor thing flinches at his voice, quickly composing themselves, as if trying to hide said moment of vulnerability from him- the last thing they want is for malleus to grow more upset because he once again is forced to realize his own lover is terrified of him. still, he steps closer, close enough to cup their cheek with one of his cold hands. it takes all of their willpower to not stiffen under his touch. they’re extra jumpy today, mainly because lilia dropped by to begin court etiquette lessons. the fae’s ways are much different from humans, but from what they hear, malleus doesn’t plan on having them discuss many affairs with the court to warrant more than some infrequent reminders by lilia on how to behave. still, that does little to calm their nerves, especially because they know the reason why despite the fact they’ll soon be royalty that they’ll still have little duties. malleus caresses their cheek, thumb moving to gently swipe over their lower lip (the urge to lunge and bite seems to still scream from a corner of their brain. the urge to rebel against this, to try and claw back at their old life- urges they ignore and suppress. it’s useless- it’s all useless now, and they know trying to stand for themselves is just asking for malleus to lose it again and hurt them beyond belief in his anger). he seems satisfied with their response; that is, with the lack of response, minimal flinching and tensing, things he’s slowly become keenly aware of, are good, and speaks again what weighs heavily on their mind. “you won’t have to deal with the court much. you’ll be my spouse- your title doesn’t mean anything to worry about. you’ll simply have to continue to love me as i love you; your only job is to stay by my side forever.”

[rwbyinserts]

Hey there, I really like the quality of your posts and I hope request are open. Can't find where your rules are posted but if they are, could you do headcanons for how winter and raven would explain to their S/O about their maiden powers, and what it'd take for them to talk about it (bc we all know raven wouldn't wanna talk about it)

Absolutely! Odds are requests will remain open indefinitely unless I need to take a hiatus! Apologies about the difficulty in finding the rules, I didn’t realize I didn’t specify they were in the drop down menu! I’ll be sure to add that real quick now though. Thank you for your request and compliment! It means a lot to me! <3

-

Winter and Raven explaining to S/O about their maiden powers

Winter

You couldn’t blame Winter for being a bit distant after everything went down. She was never cold to you per se, but you could tell she was suffering. It was hard, seeing someone you looked up to and adored struggling, especially when before this she was such a beacon of strength and courage to you and many others. She was a natural leader, and seeing the way she seemingly fought with herself on what to do now tore at your heart.

You knew how she was. The idea of asking for help was going to be hard for her. It wasn’t that she didn’t trust you - she did, immensely. Even so, it was ingrained so deeply in her to keep moving forward no matter the cost, to not ask questions and to simply obey. Asking for help didn’t feel like an option she was allowed to have.

Now though, the leader she swore to follow was gone, along with everything she had been fighting so hard to protect. It had all crumbled around her, the hope that she was on the right path slipping through her fingers like a fine thread. The weight on her shoulders had only grown heavier and heavier, and it was becoming apparent to everyone who knew her. Especially you.

It surprised you when she asked you to visit with her, alone. It wasn’t unusual in itself - the two of you had spent time together alone before. It was unusual because you hadn’t expected her to reach out to you after all that had happened, at least not so soon. She had been so deep in her own thoughts you had considered trying to reach out yourself in an attempt to help her in whatever way you could, but she beat you to the punch.

When you sit down beside her, she scarcely looks at you. The look in her eyes isn’t one of fear, merely concern. You wonder if it was obvious how much you were worried about her, and it becomes clear when she speaks to you that it had been.

“I… Apologize. For how I’ve been lately. I’ve had a lot to think about, I’m sure you know. About everything, including us.” Those words froze you to your spot, your blood running cold. You didn’t like those words at all. Was she going to push you away for good, just like that? Should you have reached out first after all?

“Please, don’t look so afraid. We’re not… I’m not ending this. I’m giving you a choice. I need to tell you everything. I just need you to listen, please.” Her tone was softer, a hint of guilt behind it. It was then that you realized what was going to happen. Everything you had missed up until this point was about to be explained to you, and it was. She told you about the maidens, about Penny and the power that had been bestowed upon her in that fateful battle. You hadn’t been inside that abyss to see it, and so up until now she had kept you in the dark. You could tell she felt bad, and she confirmed it.

“I’m sorry for not telling you after it happened. I still hesitated today. I worry that telling you will put you in danger, but… you need to know.” If you’re female, she’d even explain how if something were to happen to her, it may very well transfer to you. Of course, you don’t like that subject, but you understand why she told you. You’d need to know. “I understand if you don’t feel you can remain with me after this. I breached your trust. Regardless of my reasoning, I understand if you’re upset with me.”

Of course, even if you were a little hurt it would only be because you couldn’t have lifted that burden from her shoulders sooner. You could see even as she had spoken to you how some of the burden had been lifted just in finally revealing the secret to you, and you wished it could have happened before all that stress and worry had built up.

You’d assure her you’re willing to work through it, and though she still has some of that worry behind her eyes, there’s also a hint of relief. You’re someone she wants to protect, no matter what. She vows, even if to herself, that she will use her new power to do so.

Raven

It becomes clear to you that something is wrong with Raven rather quickly. Ever since she returned from Haven, she seemed… off. She had already told you that Vernal had been lost, and so the logical conclusion to you was that she was mourning even if she refused to outwardly show it.

This didn’t feel like mourning though. You were one of very few people to see the faintest hint of vulnerability from her before, even if only for a moment. She had confided in you in the past, even though she always framed it as seeking a second opinion when she would ultimately do what she thought was best. You never questioned it, simply offering advice where you could and following her lead.

Now though she seemed… distressed. Whereas normally she would be a bit snippier when she failed one of her self made missions, she seemed a bit more… subdued. It wasn’t something you were used to - no one in camp was. Unlike you though, many of the others didn’t have the heart to speak up about it. Vernal would have been the only one other than you, and with her gone, it was up to you.

So you decided to take matters into your own hands one night. You stand outside her tent, making sure no one else is in sight before you murmur her name softly under your breath, hoping it’ll be just loud enough for her to hear. You’re in luck, as she soon appears at the entrance and though her gaze seemed hardened as ever, you noticed the flicker of realization in her eyes as she regarded you before she allowed you entrance.

You offer to pour her tea before you sit with her, but she puts up a dismissive hand before doing it herself for the both of you. When you sit across from each other your eyes meet, both trying to judge the other to see just who will break the silence first.

“Well? What did you need?” It’s her, unsurprisingly, ever the dominant force even when she’s off her game. It’s almost enough to make you smile despite the situation. Almost.

You ask her straight up what’s on her mind. You’ve noticed her watching you more often, subdued or not, as if she wanted to talk to you but had no clue how to approach. She seems vaguely irritated when you bring this up, but it’s too late to take it back and reword it.

“Just what are you trying to insinuate? If I wanted to talk to you, I would. I don’t need your permission.” Her tone is sharp, but it lacks the usual venom of genuine anger. You know her well enough by now to know she’s bluffing.

You change tactics though, if only to avoid making her retreat further into her shell. You tell her how much you care and that you know she can handle herself, but you want to be there for her. Though you don’t tell her this, you know there’s something important she won’t tell you. She remains quiet for a moment, her gaze concentrated as she stares into your own, almost as if she were trying to judge something. Something you could never begin to know. When she finally speaks, you have to contain your shock, keeping your gaze as even as her own.

“When Vernal died… Her powers were transferred onto me. It was… a shock. I’m still trying to decide who to trust with that information.” Her tone was even, not betraying the lie she was telling. She was convincing, she always was - and she knew you would take her words at face value. Of course, you did. You were happy she could trust you enough to be the first. Or at least you assumed you were the first. You assured her the secret was safe with you and that you would support her in any way you could, and she offered you the faintest of smiles, one strictly reserved for you.

She knew you would, just as she would keep her own secrets safe, for both of your sakes she hoped.

[foiblepnoteworthy]

Tfw people say Jet deserved a redemption arc as if he didn't get one?

Okay class, how does one define a redemption arc?

Breaking it up into the basics, a redemption arc is composed of:

1. Recognizing one's actions were wrong

2. Improving one's behaviour accordingly

3. Attempting to make amends with those you have wronged.

When Jet came to Ba Sing Se he said he had "done some things [he wasn't] proud of" and that he wanted a "second chance". This both checks off the first item on the list and shows the intention of doing the second.

When he discovered Uncle's firebending he attempted to find evidence of Zuko firebending rather than trying to kill him on the spot. When he does use violence to try to force Zuko to reveal himself, he does this not because he believed it is right per se, but because he is both frustrated at his lack of results and hurt that his friends don't support/believe him.

(Bear in mind that he has been *this* close to being an army cult leader for about 8 years, and is trying to very quickly learn to take council and criticism from his followers. Hearing Smellerbee question him when he is still on this learning curve is difficult.)

[ Sidenote: Yes Jet is trying to take council and yes this is new to him. When we first met him in season 1 his FFs never questioned him in the slightest ("Jet's a great leader. We do what he says, and everything always turns out okay.") but now we see Smellerbee question him about allowing Zuko-Li to join (at which point Jet also asks for and (presumably?) respects Longshot's opinion) and her and Longshot holding an intervention about his stalking (not because they think his actions are necessarily morally wrong, but because they care about his health). ]

(sorry about the tangent I have a lot of opinions about Jet)

Basically he did improve his behaviour, but he slipped back into old habits on an impulse when he was upset and his new methods weren't working. (It's not like he was thinking at all rationally when he went after Zuko in the tea shop.)

So I'd say that's Point 2 checked off as well. (He can have a little relapse. As a treat.)

The last point is making amends with those he wronged and I mean come on. Did he or did he not try to help them find Appa even after the Dai Li funking ripped out his anger at the war and tried to turn him into a peaceful citizen? (one could argue that this isn't what happened bc the Dai Li might have done something else instead considering what they used him for, except that while brainwashed he said "I've been living peacefully in the city" which is a very Joo Dee phrase don't you think? It's evidence enough for me.) Jet had every reason to be terrified of facing the Dai li again but he did not hesitate because he owed it to them.

If you need a cherry on top, it's at least implied that Katara forgave him, or would have been willing to move past things if they'd stayed in touch (and y'know. Jet hadn't maybe died). Jet's heroic death (while overcoming the horrific shit the Dai li put in his head pls don't forget what he was already doing for them) is the final dusting of sugar on top of the cherry on top of the cake. He made a sacrifice for the person he had wronged while making amends.

Jet got his redemption arc. I'd say this would be like if Zuko had died fighting combustion man levels of getting his redemption arc. Y'all wouldn't say Zuko didn't get his redemption if he died them now would you?

[fitzefitcher]

birthday rituals - horde side

so probably the people that actually kick this off are goblins. goblins to me read as Very Aggressively American, and so actually Believe in Birthdays and Birthday Presents and Cake etc., but I'm going to go ahead and tack on my family's own Birthday Rituals, in that there isn't just One birthday dinner per birthday. first there's birthday dinner on your birthday-day, with everyone currently in the house. THEN there's a second birthday dinner, with everyone in your immediate family. THEN there's a THIRD birthday dinner, for you and everyone you share your birthday month with, with everyone in your immediate family and also friends and also extended family also people that didn't manage to get in the first two times. Sometimes there are fourth and fifth birthday dinners, depending on who can show up. presents will happen either on your birthday day, or on the third birthday dinner for everybody in that month. presents are not guaranteed every dinner, but cake and ice cream are, and so is the song. The Song Is Mandatory Each Time There Is Cake, This Is Not Up For Discussion. also the week of your birthday you don't have to do any of the household chores just by exclaiming IT'S MY BIRTHDAY, or I'M BIRTHDAY, because it's your birthday. you are birthday.

orcs prior to thrall's horde probably didn't do birthdays per se? at least not the specific day. iirc they don't typically name their newborns until a specific nameday, which leads me to believe that this tradition maybe started out of waiting to make sure said newborn survived before naming them, which in a hostile world like draenor makes sense. so: orcs probably having 1 naming day per season, and you probably get to celebrate your naming day with everyone else who lived to see that season. there's probably some clan-specific rituals, maybe the shadowmoon are better about keeping track of your actual birth date for astrology reasons, but in general, pre-horde and old horde tradition doesn't seem like it would have time for something that's arguably pretty frivolous. but in thrall's horde, with warchief "raised by humans who celebrate birthdays" thrall, new gen orcs probably do something for birthdays, both because of cultural influence from humans and goblins, and bc they have stability to be frivolous. maybe there's not cake, but there's definitely a favorite meal.

trolls DEFINITELY keep track of birthdays but for absolutely insane astrology reasons. the zandalari's rigid caste system leads me to believe that upper-class nobles have their lives planned from the fucking START, so birthdays are EXTREMELY important in plotting out the entire course of your life based on if draenor is in retrograde or some shit. I think it would be neat if trolls had quinceaneras, given the mesoamerican influence. presents are probably more practical among the not-so-wealthy, and extremely ostentatious and politically driven for the very wealthy. depending on your star sign, you probably give thanks to whatever pantheon god you were born under. bwonsamdi is the equivalent of scorpio no I will not apologize or budge on this.

tauren are very similar to orcs in this way? mostly because the tauren's lifestyle prior to thrall's horde is very very similar to the orcs' lifestyle pre-horde, in general. given their proximity to nelves and their reverence for the sun and moon, they probably keep track of birthdays using what moon phase and season it is. it seems like camping and campfire culture is relatively important to them, so a birthday ritual might be less presents and cake and more telling stories around the fire about you, and your accomplishments and friends and family, and maybe telling some stories about folk heroes or the deeds of ancestors long past. but then: Horde Were Declared, and again similar to the orcs, birthday ritual probably now includes a favorite meal, and maybe a little more frivolousness.

forsaken are. having a weird time at all times always and forever, but I think a couple of them would hold onto birthdays, or at least feel Some Kinda Way about it. again, it probably doesn't become prevalent again until they join up with the horde, and maybe it's a little easier to celebrate someone else's birthday bc they're still alive, and maybe it's fun to see baffled rage on the faces of their new allies when it comes time to do Cake and Candles and The Birthday Song. probably when goblins join the horde formally is when the forsaken go Full Birthday Madness, much to the confused fear of the rest of the horde.

belves probably have a watered down version of nelf astrology, which in turn is a watered down version of troll astrology, though tbh they're so long-lived I'm not sure if they would care to keep track of actual birthday dates. probably what would happen is that they would reach a certain age number, and then sort of. just stop keeping track lmao? because they're effectively alive long enough that it doesn't matter that much. but, given their rapidly shortening lifespans in comparison to nelves, well. they probably are getting back into the habit of keeping track of them. probably again in the same vein as trolls, where the less wealthy give practical presents, and the very wealthy give ostentatious presents. probably after joining the horde and being subjected to the forsaken and goblins' collective Birthday Madness also corrupts them into joining the madness, also.

pandaren birthdays are relatively straight-forward, in that there's maybe some presents, but it's more about having a lot of good food and a lot of good booze. they probably have some coming-of-age milestone birthdays in which you get a specific present for hitting a specific age, but pandaren culture strikes me as very intimacy-forward, so gifts wouldn't be expsensive so much as thoughtful and of good quality, with the specific person in mind. maybe they prefer something crafted by hand by the person giving them the present, rather than store-bought.

the nightborne like. don't Get keeping the exact birth date at first? they're probably in the same boat as tauren in that they keep track of season and moon phase moreso than the actual date, and probably just kind of Forget how long they've been alive after a while lmao. but the nightborne at their heart Do in fact, like to Party, and the Birthday Madness is Inescapable, so: they, too, join in on the birthday madness.

[cinematicnomad]

3, 12, 24 & 25 for 911 😊

003. favorite line/scene you wrote this year ohhhh, i love buck’s little stumbled confession to his parents in so show me (family) when he’s trying to explain who chris is to him and finally admits out loud that he’s in love with eddie: 

“He’s mine. And—and maybe Eddie’s mine too. We haven’t—I mean, this is new but—” he’s floundering now, his gaze anywhere but on them, his parents. He thinks of last night, of Eddie’s forehead pressed to his, of that moment before anything could have happened. He wets his lips with his tongue. “But—I want him to be.” 

012. favorite character to write about this year it’s genuinely kind of a toss up between buck and eddie?? i usually heavily favor one POV in a pairing, but for these two i’ve flip flopped between them both. technically i’ve written more buck POV fics so far (though my current WIP is an eddie POV fic) so i guess we’ll go with that answer (for now) 

024. favorite fic you read this year not a single fic per se, but the currently on going fic series the evolution of buddie by @marvelingjules. i’ll rec the series in the next question below, but let me just say that i have re-read this entire series SEVERAL times so far this year since first discovering it this summer. as i mentioned in my last ask, i am such a sucker for canon compliant missing scenes fics, especially character introspective ones, and this fic series does all of that and more by delving into eddie’s POV starting post-eddie begins and tracing through how he and buck could possibly get together. i love this series more than words can express. 

025. a fic you read this year you would recommend everyone read well damn felicity, you know there are a shit ton of great fics in this fandom and a good third of them are YOURS so lets get this reclist started: 

the evolution of buddie by insanejuliann (14/? | 106k+ | M) POV eddie; canon compliant; internalized homophobia; slow burn; getting together; light angst

over time, eddie starts to wonder if everyone might actually be right when they joke about him and buck being more than friends.

a journey of self-discovery, patience, and caring between not just two men, but the friends and family around them.

note: this is the aforementioned fic series and it deserves top billing. still ongoing at the moment, the series is 14 fics deep and has done everything i want from a canon compliant fic series. @marvelingjules is wonderfully talented at creating believable oc’s that fit into the 911 world while also digging deep into the characters of buck and eddie and what makes them work so well together. this entire fic series makes me so fucking soft and whenever i see that it’s been updated i drop everything to pick it up and start reading. genuinely one of the high points of 2020 was when this series was updated on my birthday and i got to read a new entry on my day off. 

don’t worry baby (everything will turn out alright) by woodchoc_magnum (12/12 | 63k+ | M) canon compliant; angst with a happy ending; slow burn; friends to lovers

buck and eddie are falling in love, and it’s obvious to everyone but them.

note: look. EVERYTHING felicity writes is amazing (hi felicity, i adore you), and if i wanted to i could sit here and rec all 32 of her buddie fics (plus a few more that are currently in the works...you guys are gonna LOVE them) but that would be A LOT bc this woman has written 800k+ since june. just know that this was the first fic of hers that i ever read and i fell head over heels in love with how she writes these two assholes and the twists and turns she takes the narrative through. another high point is her songs fic series which is currently over 330k+ and still isn’t over. other personal faves include: i want you to want me, hearts on fire, light me and i’ll burn for you, lead me to your door, and let me roll it to you.

waves (it comes and goes) by sunspell80 (10/10 | 40k+ | M) buckley parents; past sexual assault (not the parents); pre-relationship; slow burn

evan buckley left his past behind when he left home for good at age 19. but an unexpected phone call on a quiet shift disrupts the life he’s built for himself: forcing him to confront his past in order to build a new future.

note: this fic is intricate and heartwrenching and utterly beautiful. it is also the first in a (so far) 2 part series titled the things we lost in the fire, and the sequel is equally amazing. if you choose to read this fic i strongly urge you to review the tags and warnings ahead of time bc it does deal with a heavy subject matter, but it’s dealt with in such a tender and caring manner. and the fic writer, @bibuddie, is one of my all time favorite people in this fandom and this fic series deserves ALL THE LOVE AND ATTENTION. i don’t often commit to reading WIPs but the sequel was soooo good i couldn’t not be a part of it. this fic includes one of my all time favorite depictions of the buckley parents in this fandom (and i doubt that’s going to change, even with the introduction of the parents in canon).

all was golden when the day met the night by spinningincircles (5/5 | 15k+ | T) AU: flower shop & tattoo parlor; soft eddie diaz; mutual pining; emotional hurt/comfort

eddie’s bad at words.

he can talk, of course, will happily go on for hours about how great christopher’s latest art project is, can give a sermon about the rangers’ chances of winning the world series. but when it comes to discussing what’s happening in his brain, the gloomy, sticky parts that follow him around and keep him awake, he clams up.

eddie’s bad at words, but he’s good at flowers.

note: every fandom deserves a soft flower shop and tattoo parlor au and this is one of the best. @tylerhunklin said soft eddie rights and gave me all the content i could ever want so that i could SWOON. this fic is gorgeously written and the characterization is so on point i’ve read this fic s e v e r a l times since it was published earlier this summer. if you haven’t taken the time to read this fic yet, what are you doing with your life?? 

leading with the left by letmetellyouaboutmyfeels (18/18 | 84k+ | M) backstory; AU: backstory; smut; slow burn; stripper!buck

when buck said he was a “bartender” in “south america” what he actually meant was “stripper” in “mexico.”

and when eddie said, “what’s your problem?” what he actually meant was, “is this about the time you gave me a lap dance?”

in other words, there’s a few things the 118 doesn’t know about buck. or eddie. or buck and eddie’s relationship.

note: i bet you’ve seen this on all the reclists. well GUESS WHAT they’re alllllll right. if you haven’t read this fic you should drop whatever you’re doing and get it all sorted bc this fic!! THIS FIC! who knew words like “you called me texas” could make me soooo fucking soft. but @letmetellyouaboutmyfeels knew!! especially in a fic filled with some of the hottest smut in town. but seriously, you know those top tier fics in a fandom that are like “EVERYONE has to read this”?? that’s what this is, so you should hop to it. and even if you have read it?? you should read it again.

don’t take my sunshine away by sevensoulmates (21/21 | 113k+ | M) angst with a happy ending; canon compliant; emotional/psychological abuse; getting together

eddie is in a coma, and buck blames himself. he should’ve been there to protect eddie. the least he can do now is to be there for christopher, even if buck doesn’t know if he has it in him to be a parent without eddie. buck makes eddie a deal: he’ll fight for christopher in the real world, while eddie fights to wake up. 

eddie’s come a long way since those bleak days in el paso, listening to his parents comments about how he’s not fit to be a father. christopher doesn’t deserve to be dragged down by the likes of eddie and shannon. eddie thought after moving to LA, he and chris had escaped that. when he wakes up and finds buck neck-deep in a legal battle with his parents for custody of christopher, eddie must face his own mistakes, and find the confidence to stand up for himself against his absolute worst nightmare. 

note: honest to god i remember when this fic showed up under the ao3 tag as complete. i started reading it bc i’m a sucker for a lengthy fic (can you note tell from the word counts of my fic recs??) when i realized just how fucking amazing this fic really was. i left a comment on almost every other chapter just so @sevensoulmates could know how much i loved this fic and then when i was finished i went on to devour her other fics. i’ve re-read them all twice so far this year but this fic is my one of my all-time faves, filled with all the delicious angst and yearning and heartache and custody battles that one could ever hope for. 

we found each other (over there) by kristen999 (10/10 | 46k+ | T) AU: historical (WWII); hurt/comfort; mutual pining; slow burn; angst with a happy ending 

a combat medic and a G.I. meet during one of the world’s greatest battles. a WWII european theater based AU.

note: i’ve read some great WWII au fics in my time, but i’ve also read some shitty ones, so to say i was wary when i first spotted this on ao3 would be underselling it. i opened the fic and then kind of danced around it for about a month before i finally had a free weekend and was willing to give it a go, and oh boy. OH BOY. this fic lived up to everything i could have wanted and made my little history minor heart flutter. the writing in this fic was superb and the descriptions of combat and war really drew me into the narrative. but the reason this fic gets top billing here is bc of the ending and how the fic carries us through back to the states and projects into the future—one of the reasons i avoid historical au’s is bc i’m always a little worried i won’t get the happy ending i want but this fic more than delivers. 

there are SO MANY amazing fics in this fandom but it’s 12:30AM and i am e x h a u s t e d so i’m just going to have to stop there for now! 

fanfic end of the year asks

[dolphin-enthusiast]

Hii! Can I please have hcs of the bucci gang and trish with a s/o who’s a new gang member who’s very naive and a past member of la squadra? Basically bruno adopted her now that she was all alone. Oh and if you don’t do trish with them could you replace fugo with her? Thank you!

- Bruno would, as expected, be extremely cautious and EVEN more protective towards her to the point where the rest of the gang would be lowkey rolling their eyes at his over the top behavior at times. Sure, the man himself realizes that he can be just a tad bit too motherly, but it’s just that he loves her too much and the fact that she’s so gullible just makes him want to keep her far from harm’s way, yknow? That obviously doesn’t mean that Bruno does not trust her abilities, after all she’s STILL a gang member. However he feels responsible for her safety (as he does with the rest of the squad) and will do all in his power to at least keep a close eye on her whenever she’s out on a mission and such. Bruno will keep her at his side at all times, training and looking out for her constantly, the man merely chuckling at her puffed cheeks and cute little annoyed expression whenever she tells him that he “fusses over her too much”. But s/o knows all too well that the man means well and that he’ll even move mountains for her.

- Giorno would, as well, be hella overprotective of his s/o, only that he’d be just a little more lowkey compared to Bruno. And by that I mean he’s going to be mostly watching over her from the shadows and won’t step in or tell her anything unless it was a serious case or her safety was compromised. That being said, the main thing that Gio would be concerned over would be her naive demeanour, even if at the same time he admires her childlike innocence and overflowing kindness. To him she’s like a breath of fresh mountain air, her carefree attitude nothing less of a cure to all the suffering and death that constantly surrounds the man on a daily basis. Sure he DOES worry that some bad guy is going to take advantage of her naivety someday, and that’s exactly why he always makes sure that she’s able to defend and stand up for herself if the situation calls for it.

- Abbacchio is probably the one who’ll have the least patience in the beginning since, in his opinion, gullible and naive people have it coming. He may not have been too fond of her at first, and yet her kind and easygoing demeanour grew on him overtime, and here we a r e. No matter how nonchalant he tries to be, we all know that Abba is a deadass softie for his airhead s/o and will even sacrifice his own life for her, even if he still pretends to not care about her constantly teasing him for being “such a grandpa”, and yet the constant blush on the brooding man’s face tells s/o otherwise. The mere fact that he’s oh so often fussing over s/o’s safety and jumps in to protect her whenever a fight breaks out speaks louder than a thousand words about how much Abbacchio truly cares about her. Deep down he really does love just how “childish” and carefree she is, her constant affection being the best distraction in days where the sky is grayer than usual. 

- Mista is head over fucking heels for her, no doubt about it. He fell for s/o the second he saw her feeding stray animals and helping poor people on the street, and we don’t talk about the time she dared him to chase her around the house just because she was wielding the last slice of pizza, the 2 of them causing a big ass commotion and breaking one of Bruno’s favorite plates in the process. Name a more iconic duo tbh bc these two radiate almost the same energy, and we all know that Mista is sure to fall for someone free spirited who can find humor in any situation and see the bright side. He won’t be as fussy as the rest of them because he knows that even if she’s pretty naive she can still kick ass, but be certain that if anyone ever dared to mess with her Mista is going to kick some MAJOR ass bitch. On another note, the man also lowkey enjoys “teaching” her how to be more intimidating at times just to clown her (and Abbacchio bc he loves giving him as the prime example of big and scary intimidating grandpa that only ever comes out of his crypt of a room to get food) in the process, Mista simply f e e d i n g off of her reactions.

- Fugo probably really vibed with her the second she joined the gang tbh. Although he isn’t “naive” per se, some things still get to him and can convince him to do brash decisions at times and so for the first time he felt as if someone TRULY understood him. Therefore, it’s no wonder that these 2 (albeit kinda awkwardly at first) ended up confessing to eachother eventually. Now Fugo is quite the anxious fussy type and will always be either clinging to her arm or just...tagging along whenever s/o leaves to run errands bc he’d hate for her to be fooled or worse: attacked by an enemy. However he still makes sure to give s/o space and a l w a y s tells her that she can always call him for backup if anything happens. S/o especially enjoys teasing Fugo for being so fussy and affectionate/clingy with her and only her, something that makes our tsundere boi right here flush and huff and puff whenever it happens.

- Narancia is probably the chillest bc have you seen the boi?? If Mista and Fugo instantly vibed w her, Nara over here thought that he had legit found his soulmate the instant he met her. He immediately fell for her carefree and easygoing attitude and honestly? Her naive persona only made him want to care for her even more, because truth be told he saw a bit of his younger self in her. Hell, even now one could argue that Nara is still a bit “naive” but he learned the hard way that he had to work on that tendency as he joined the mafia. That’s exactly why he’d always try telling s/o not to trust anyone and be aware of her surroundings, the worried man throwing his arms around her afterwards and telling her just how much he loves her and how he’d do anything in his power to protect her at all times. On another note, Narancia is always trying to make s/o forget about the hardships of the life they’re living, the man attempting to shield s/o from as much pain and horror as he can by making her laugh and spending time with her on a daily basis. Honestly, these two are serotonin providers for eachother.

- Trish could probably relate alot to her, if I’m being honest. I mean, a young girl that was flung into the mafia just like that because of a series of unfortunate events and probably some familial issues as well? Big fat kin. However, Trish was quite shy and weary of her at first, and yet her easygoing attitude made the girl open up in no time and somehow the 2 ended up together after some time. Now, when I say that s/o is quite literally Trish’s ray of goddamn sunshine, it ain’t no exaggeration. Trish is constantly looking out for her dear s/o and will go absolutely fucking feral if anyone were to take advantage of her naivety, which is why the girl sometimes warns her about the dangers of trusting others so easily. And yet whenever s/o sweetly chuckles whilst gently squeezing Trish’s hand as she reassures her that everything will be just fine, the pink haired girl can’t help but smile and put her worries aside once more and entirely trust her s/o’s words.

[ziracona]

Might be that someone already asked but give us your wisdom. Headcanons for Felix and Élodie

Initially, they’re just shocked to see each other again. And in the realm. They haven’t crossed paths since they were kids. But then almost immediately things are uncomfortable.

Élodie is the one who got the kids to go into the internment camp, /and/ who personally activated the sigil that brought the Entity to them all. She is directly responsible for the loss of her own parents and Felix’s and all the others. So, seeing him again, her first thought after surprise and relief at a familiar human is “Oh no. He hates me.” And she immediately becomes reactively and agressively defensive of herself and her past actions, predicting hostility that isn’t there yet.

Since Felix’s paragraph never even mentions Élodie, I have to assume she does not play super majorly into his own trauma memories actually and he doesn’t harbor intense resentment towards her, and probably both doesn’t blame her for being the one to push them into that trek, and simply know she activated the sigil. So, he’s surprised and relieved (even though it’s kind of awkward), and then kind of just hurt because she’s immediately reactive around him and almsot seems to resent him. He probably gets kind of pissed (understandably) like “Well you were the one who sent us down there—I don’t know why you’d hate /me/ over it” and that only makes stuff worse.

Felix is very easy to push around and terrified and takes a long time before he gets used to the realm. He is a cautious and hesistant man in general, and very very very out of his depth, both from being kind of rich and cushioned against life, and just by nature. He takes a long time to adapt and is miserable and scared, but he really does try.

Claudette, who is also miserable and scared, and Dwight, who was long the same before adapting, are especially nice to him and work to help him adapt. So are Tapp, Jane, Jeff, and Ace, who also try—especially Jane, who is well versed, and Tapp, who has experience—to comfort and reassure him about his wife giving birth without him there and his family waiting back home.

Felix misses his wife deeply and would never cheat on her and abandon her and his infant child back home on favor of a steamy realm romance. (I hold Felix ships in contempt >.> my boy has no reason to be regarded a cheater fuck off leave him alone. He’s a decent enough fellow.)

Élodie is a lot braver than Felix. She adapts to the realm quickly for average, as she is used to danger, pain, and hardship. However, unlike Felix, who is afraid and weak initially due to his complete lack of hardship experience, but is team-oriented, Élodie is used to working alone, and is not a great teammate for a while. She doesn’t mean to be cruel, and she’s not like, unfeeling or unsympathetic. But her own experience is so rooted in self-preservation and operating solo, she takes time to get used to having to share that burden with others. And kind of is resistant to it at first. It’s just...not what’s in her programming. It’s been a long time since other people were aside from in a trade and at arm’s length at best.

The survivors are such a big family though eventually Élodie is overtaken by their genuiness and affection. I think Jane and/or Kate and maybe Dwight talk to her at least once, about how this is affecting teams, or about the group’s way of operating and relationships, but I think really it’s just being saturdated in Claudette asking her for help gardening and explaining new poultices, and Meg doing movie scripts theatrically and asking her questions all the time like an (endearingly) annoying little sister, and Jeff and Tapp and Adam always there to save her and take a hit in a trial, people singing together at camp, Dwight passing her supplies to help her get started. It the family. She gets so slowly warmed up to being genuinely cared for and wanted that her walls start to go down, and she starts unlearning her instinctive reactions and begins fighting to save not just her but them too, them before her sometimes, just because it truly becomes what she wants.

Élodie is fasinated by learing any kind of information that could be useful and very dedicated, so she spends a lot of time with Dwight, Claudette, Jane, Adam, Zarina, and Tapp especially, trying to track down any information that could help them escape eventually and stuff to help then survive in the meantime. Bc of her previous life and knowledge, she is extremely useful at this.

Also gets along well with David/Kate/Laurie and Yui and Zarina. After dying, she really really wants to pick up as much fighting skill as she can.

Felix gets along pretty well with everyone, but hangs out more with the chiller activites people like Adam, Ace, Tapp, Jeff, Jane, or Dwight/Quentin/Claudette.

After arriving in the realm, Felix feels bad most of his skills seem less useful. After Dwight talks to him, he decides to so the little he can, and that even if he’s not got worlds of skills for fighting or escaping the realm, it matters at least a little he /can/ make peoples’ lives better. So he adds some rudamintery shelters to the campfire area so they have a few little actual kind of partial buildings now. He’s not the most personally skilled with tools, but he has an expansive knowledge of how to make things function well and last and be given proper support, so he and Jake make a good team when it comes to home construction.

Things with Felix and Élodie are tense for a while. They don’t fight, per se, but because she anticipates that he hates her and is automatically basically hostilely defensive towards him in preperation for that, Felix feels very disliked by her as well. With some interveigning from the others—especially Jane and Dwight—things get a little more cordial. And Felix starts trying to work hard to make things work and dedicatedly saving her in trials. Élodie hates this, she thinks/tells herself because he’s trying to be superior/sanctimonious towards her, but in reality because she is crippled with guilt over what happened a long time ago. Still, after a while, she starts trying to save him hard too to be just as good, and it’s hard to hate somebody who has rescued you from death, so unintentionally this ends up tricking them both into starting to be chill with and enjoy each other again.

Eventually, there is a breaking point when they’re alone—maybe it’s late at night and Élodie or Felix asks the other to step away to talk. Maybe it’s in a trial, and Felix is offering to die so she can take the hatch, and she just can’t take it anymore. But it happens, and Élodie breaks down and asks why he’s doing this and says she knows he must hate her, and tries to apologize and defend herself viciously at the same time, and it’s a mess, and Felix never knew she actually summoned the thing at all and it’s like getting kicked in the stomach, and he doesn’t even know what to say or think. For so long he’s blamed himself; he’s never blamed her. But he didn’t know it was her fault, and it kind of is, and she’s falling apart, and he’s so overwhelmed, and what is he supposed to say? Is he supposed to forgive her? Supposed to hate her? But. He thinks for a second. He lost everything, but so did she—so did all of them. And she didn’t know. Nobody warned them, their parents could have, and didn’t. And she was a kid. Kids make mistakes—that’s living, that’s growing up. Adults do too. And he doesn’t hate her, and it doesn’t matter if he blames her, because it doesn’t matter who /is/ to blame. They were all kids, and it was a tragedy, not an act of hate or maliciousness, and that’s all that matters. They both lost everything, and all that matters is they do the best they can with what they have now.

And that’s what he tells her. And it’s hard to accept, but she’s so relieved. She breaks down and cries and apologizes for real, no equivocations, no defense, just sorry, and he tells her there’s nothing really to forgive because it was an accident, but that if there was, he would, and they’re friends after that day. Almsot inseperably. She’s there to ask about his wife and baby he hasn’t got to meet yet and to encourage him like the best friend he never had growing up, and he’s there to hear her theories and long spiels on fascinating finds, and ask about home and what she truly wants if they make it back like the best friend she never had either, and because she finally has people she loves, she has answers to that now.

[phoebehalliwell]

I wonder how Phoebe’s view of marriage changed over the years. Because she was married like three times right? Cole -> Dex -> Coop? And each was so different from one another (but u so right that her dress with Dex was the best one). Like I wonder if maybe she used coops ring to look back at her past marriages / or like reflected back on them when she was preparing get married?

Like had she not married a literal agent of love, I wonder if Phoebe would have gotten married at all. Like if Dex had taken her back, do you think they’d of gotten married again? Or do you think that she would have wanted to take things slow?

i mean i think phoebe’s main fear around marriage was like. becoming someone’s wife. not being phoebe halliwell but being mrs. cole turner. losing herself to some horrid vapid vacant emptiness known as wifedom. like she was always so full of life full of moxie and she was always on the hunt for who she was you know and i don’t think she thought married life was where she’d find that you know she thought maybe she’d find it in new york with a fully booked social calendar and fleeting bight burning but quickly dying relationships. so like. that’s her jumping off point and i think the tipping point was like. cole himself like he loved Phoebe right that was his shtick he didn’t seem like a white picket fence two point five kids guy right he wasn’t in love with marriage he was in love with Phoebe. full stop. so like. she said yes. he wasn’t asking her to change he wasn’t asking her to become a new person has was asking her to stay Phoebe Halliwell just as his wife so she said yes. and um. we all know how that went!! so like. i think that’s her main source of marital trauma. like she feared becoming a stepford wife and when she felt safe enough to say yes to cole safe enough in that relationship to believe that she would stay herself she ended up becoming queen of hell and almost bearing the antchrist like zoo wee mama.

so i think that was really like the not the main trauma source per se but rather more like one of the most prominent scars her failed marriage left: the loss of the self. and yes there was like the ~fear of being attracted to evil~ the ~fear of being evil itself~ but like. that’s not marital marriage the the destruction of the self in exchange for partnership like. there’s a lot there! and i think phoebe and dex was just like bonkers like that was all billie pulling magical strings and i think they both knew this was wayyy too soon to be getting married and obvi they got it annulled after like ik in the ep she was all like yeah no let’s stay married lmao see what happens but then like. ten minute later she’s not even julie bennett she’s phoebe halliwell so actually. i guess you don’t even need it annulled as you are not legally married to phoebe. so. ??? and i think phoebe really does try to believe in fate and a cosmic meaning to everything so you know i can see her in the moment being like what if this was how it was meant to happen what if this is how i’m supposed to like get married. but, like, give it a week and i’m sure she would have realized that wait nope no what wait huh no. bc. fact of the matter is she doesn’t really know dex like she could get to know him he seems perfectly decent but the odds of her consciously trying to force it just because they’re already married are just too high again past cole trauma the knowledge that she can turn a blind eye to glaring flaws when she wants something to work i think genuinely scares her which is why i think that whole dex thing is a no go.

i feel like with coop specifically i don’t think he’d like really want to do a grand tour of how marriages collapsed man i don’t think he’d think that’d be good for phoebe. like what’s to gain. and i think advice columnist phoebe knows that he’s right like. staring at all her failures isn’t gonna fix her but like at the same time lemme see lmao. like how when you get a bruise and it’s healing but you still push on it to see if it still hurts to mark your healing process y’know. i think she really runs over her wounds all the goddamn time and i think it takes a lot of restraint not to go back and just like wish things could be changed. i think that’s phoebe’s epiphany really and i think that probably comes from piper like phoebe’s like this marriage that marriage this relationship that relationship what if what if the source’s heir lived what if cole didn’t get possessed what if i never met cole do you think prue would still be alive and piper would be like i don’t know probably??? and phoebe’s like hey what the fuck you can’t say that why would you say that? and piper’s like phoebe what does it matter. prue died. and we can’t change that. lord knows we tried. and we’re different people because of it. we would have never met paige like you might have never gotten your job at the bay mirror what would s5 have even been like? why do you want those answers? what are you gonna do if you had them? it could be better, it could be worse? but what would you even do about it? you can’t change the past. and i think that’s kind of the aha moment for phoebe because like. technically yes she can change the past but that’s not piper’s point. the past has shaped her to who she is in this moment. what would she do with all the other versions of her? who she might have been? they’re not her. so what would she do with them? and i think it’s that piece that really helps her grow yes her past is messy but it’s part of who she is and there’s no changing that there’s only growing and moving forward into the future i think she is the one to propose to coop

[hedgehog-o-brien]

OK, but there must be hundreds of thousands, if not millions of angels (of all shapes, ranks and sizes) in Heaven

So 

Where’s the fic in which a couple (or maybe just the one, a young and impressionable little fledgling angel whose wings have barely started molting for the first time) listens to Gabriel briefing everybody on the Official Reason The Apocalypse Is Cancelled and thinks to themselves this is a load of bullcrap

(Bc you know. You just know Gabriel would say all the wrong things. Like, what do you mean ‘unforeseen circumstances’? We’re Heaven, our job is to foresee. Circumstances. And how could it be that an angel as wicked and evil as Aziraphale is still, you know. An angel? And hasn’t fallen? Something does not add up here).

And so the young fledgling starts to wonder

And they’re not alone

Soon, there are clusters of angels everywhere, heads bent together and talking furiously in low voices.

... gave away his sword ...

... what? why? ...

... thought they might need it ...

... I don’t understand ...

... love for humans ...

... and demons from what I hear ...

... but why ...

... saving the world ...

... more important ...

... ineffability ...

... good guys? ...

... are we? ...

... is he? ...

... Fucking Gabriel that’s for sure ...

And as the whispers spread (especially that last one), the young fledgling decides to delve into the Earth Observation Files to go see for themselves what Aziraphale has been up to in the past six millennia.

And there’s no time in Heaven, but if there was, it would take them a lot of it before they came out again, looking very thoughtful.

They spends some more not-time in a quiet corner (somewhere the harp music isn’t too obnoxious), a deep frown on their angelic face and eyes red-rimmed and shining. There’s a sniffle, occasionally.

And then, finally, they seek out the nearest Whispering Angel Cluster and tells them what they’ve seen. And the conclusion they’ve come to.

(One or two angels in the cluster gasp, unbelieving. They decide to take the matter to Gabriel, despite the fledgling’s protests and ask is it true? About Aziraphale and his demon, is it true that they saved humanity? Is it true that they saved humans? Not just from the Apocalypse, but many many many times before? Is it true?

And again, Gabriel scoffs and laughs and says exactly the wrong thing (’Don’t you worry your pretty little head about that naughty angel, sweet child. He and that wily serpent of his won’t bother us any longer.’) and that’s all the proof the young angels need that Something Is Not Right.

They return to Fledgling #1, wings drooping and head bowed. There are more whispers (... can we? ... Gabriel would murder ... Hellfire, they said... Should we?) and eventually, after eons of deliberation, a decision is made.

And so it happens that on a bright, sunny Saturday morning in SoHo, the door to a bookshop tingles open and half a dozen remarkably bland looking humans walk in. And after Aziraphale has called Crowley back to heel and has wrested the nice, leather bound and heavy first edition of the Principia Mathematica out of his demon’s hands, and after the angels have been persuaded to come down from the top of the bookshelves...

He asks them why they’re here. The answer leaves him confused and makes Crowley laugh so hard he almost cracks a rib:

Teach us

Teach us compassion

Teach us to be kind

Teach us about humans

Teach us about what we’re meant to protect

Teach us how to protect

Teach us how to be the Good Guys, like, for real

And Aziraphale is confused and touched (mostly confused), but he agrees. Under one condition: they will have to listen to the demon too, because Aziraphale knows he would be nowhere near the angel he is today if it hadn’t been for Crowley.

(Crowley goes oddly quiet at that for a moment, before he realises Aziraphale is basically giving him shared command of a mini Host. Then he starts howling with laughter again).

Then the rest of the fic is basically just Aziraphale, Crowley and their mini Host of fledglings getting into various kinds of (food and non food related) shenagigans. 

(‘Angel, when they said teach us, I’m pretty sure they did not mean teach us about the best place to get Vietnamese Pho!’ ‘Shut up, Crowley. Also, don’t think I didn’t hear how you told Amriel about how you were aboard the RMS Carpathia in 1912. And let me just say, I knew it.’ ‘Shut up, angel.’)

At a certain moment, Gabriel and the others get wind of aforementioned shenanigans. But by then, it’s too late as the Mini Host has communicated all their efforts and findings back to the various other MIni Hosts that are still in Heaven and now everybody is thoroughly convinced Gabriel’s a fucking prick who Should Not Be In Charge. It’s not a second Rebellion, per se. It certainly involves a lot less sulphur and brimstone and screaming. But when all’s said and all’s done, Gabriel finds himself permanently retired, along with Michael, Sandolphon and Uriel, as a New Policy is put in place:

To Be The Good Guys, We Have To Be The Good Guys

‘Eloquently put,’ Crowley sniggers. Aziraphale tries not to laugh before he tsks and shakes his head. ‘They’re learning, dear. Give them time.’

[werewolfest]

I got really heated in my car all by myself earlier today thinking about how much the writers fucked over Penny both narratively speaking and just like. As a character in general. Like he fucking dies. He DIES! He watched himself die! And we're just supposed to accept that he's like. Mostly chill with that???? Like it barely affects him emotionally?

And THEN he watches all of the people he's friends with react to his death in such an unceremonious way. I mean I know Penny wasn't like really and truly close with anyone besides Kady but that's just bc the writers are stupid and don't let anyone have friends. Penny obviously gave a shit about Alice and as much as Quentin annoys the shit out of him, he cared about him too, demonstrably so. And this whole plot line of No One Really Caring That Penny Died is like...... supposed to be funny? And I guess Margo's reaction is pretty funny but like. Mostly the whole thing is SO SAD but the narrative doesn't treat it that way at all, or let Penny have any real emotions about what happened to him.

I mean he has to set his own fucking body on fire!!! To protect himself from the library! (Which of course became fucking irrelevant but that's a whole nother tangent.) And he STILL doesn't get to have a breakdown.

Even once everyone knows he's not dead per se, they forget about him so fucking quick! Why the fuck would penny being sort of dead not rank higher on people's Problems To Fix lists? Like???? Alice is the only one who really tries to help him and even then it's just so weird!!! Because everyone is acting like this is no big deal.

We don't even get to see anyone's reaction to the fact that Penny isn't Actually For Real Dead except for Kady's and like. I get it. I get her not being able to deal with it. But I really feel like she'd come around, because her and Penny had a good thing going and Alice was so convinced she could make Penny a new body, I just feel like there HAD to be another way. It makes zero sense to me that everyone would forget about/give up on/not give a shit about helping Penny. It's fucking heartbreaking to me! He cares SO MUCH about all of them and he shows that over and over again, and no one really truly seems to return the favor!

The narrative treats him like he's expendable pretty much! And it makes me So! Mad! Not to mention how fascinating it is that he's the only man of color in the main cast and he's the one whose character is treated like this. Really makes you think!

God this is so long and I haven't even gotten to the god damn library bullshit but like wow! It really just gets worse huh! Anyway I need a long ass Penny pov fic where he gets all the good things he deserves and you know, actually stays in character the whole time. As opposed to whatever the fuck happened to him on the show after he decided Actually The Library is Great. Bc there's so much potential in his character and the relationships he has, and we barely know anything about his past and what he really wants! There's so much that the show never even thought about! I am simply Livid.

[twopoppies]

Hi!!!!! This is in reverse i'm gonna rec you fics that i really loved (and read it over the past months) hope you find something new! Thank you again and again for all your help over the years! 1) the adverting au by runaway_train 2) now you know me (for your ayes only) by nadinecestmoi 3) more than you know by brightlyharry 4) given a chance by fabby 5) the afterlife fic by lovingcup (this one is really log but worth every word)

Hi sweetheart. Thank you! I love this. And thank you so much for thinking of me!  

Advertising AU by runaway_train / @runaway-train-works (4 part series, E, 69K) I’ve only read the first one of this series, but I really enjoyed it! So thank you for reminding me of it. I put it on my “to read” list! Here’s the summary for the first part:

“Does she know who it is then, from the New York office?” Louis enquires.

“Yeah, some guy Henry? Henry Styles I think she said?“

“Harry.”

“What?”

“Harry. His name is Harry Styles.” His heart sank. Louis hadn’t met him, they had only shared a couple of emails back and forth, but he knew exactly who he was. And Harry hadn’t just been killing it in the Big Apple, he’s been ripping the place to absolute shreds, nailing some of the most lucrative accounts in the business.

Louis is so fucked.

Or

The one where Louis is up for a promotion, he just has one tiny, little problem standing in his way.

Now you know me (for your eyes only) by nadinecestmoi (E, 78K) Haven’t read this one!

Based on this prompt that I found on tumblr (link in the notes):

au where harry and louis are solo artists and they’re not exactly friends per se but they’re friendly, know each other from industry parties and things like that and there’s always been this weird unspoken sexual tension between them and louis’ always kinda confused bc isn’t harry the biggest ladies’ man in the industry?? and one day harry asks louis to collab with him and of course louis says yes even tho he’s kinda surprised and harry plays the song for him and louis is completely blown away by how beautiful it is and it’s a love song and he’s like damn whoever this is about is lucky as fuck bc it’s clearly written from personal experience so they spend all this time together recording and it’s super bittersweet bc they click right away and it takes louis about three seconds to realize he has a huge fucking crush on harry but on the other hand harry clearly had someone in mind when he wrote the song so the last day of recording comes and louis’ like “thanks for having me on the song” and harry just shrugs and is like “well it just seemed fitting bc the song is about you”

More Than You Know by brightlyharry (NR, 65K) I haven’t read this one either!

You can't be attracted to just a voice. That's what Louis tells himself, but he can close his eyes and start playing the soundtrack of Harry's voice on loop in his head and he can feel desire coursing through him. He's never been this fixed on a sound this much. Until now.

Harry is an enigma, from his overpriced gaudy furniture to his interesting box of collectibles Louis hauled to the penthouse the day Harry's moving van arrived. Louis is intrigued. Hearing the man's giggle on the phone drug Louis down deeper. If he could just lay his eyes on Harry and put a face to the unique voice, he's sure he'd be screwed, too far down to ever resurface.

or the one where Louis is a doorman for a luxury apartment building and Harry is the newest resident of the penthouse. Timing fails to be on his side as he tries to catch a glimpse of the building's newest occupant and prove he's a call-boy. When he finally does see Harry in the flesh, he's more captivated than ever. Featuring Liam as a mailman and Louis' trusted friend and no one knows what's going on with Zayn.

Given a Chance by fabby (E, 174K) Haven’t read this either!

Five years after One Direction took their last tour, the last thing Louis Tomlinson ever expected to happen while on a tea run at the local Piggly Wiggly was to run into his ex-boyfriend and ex-bandmate Harry Styles.

The odds of them ever running into each other again had to be super slim, right?

Wrong.

What happens when you mix ex-boyfriends with a large serving of Small Town America? Will Louis and Harry be able to set aside their differences, or will Louis be able to stay breezy as fuck in the wake of Harry’s arrival?

(or, the one where Louis and Harry run into each other five years after One Direction ends and learn how to love each other again. Featuring: Reggie as the overweight labrador, Niall as Louis’ last grip on reality, and Nowheresville, North Carolina as the setting for Louis’ worst nightmare to come true.)

The Afterlife Fic (The Best I Ever Had In My Entire Life...Or Death) by lovingcup (E, 491K) @beccasafan will be so excited that you recommend this one, because it’s her fave and she’s been trying to get me to read it!

AU- After dying in an accident, Louis Tomlinson arrives in the Afterlife. Not Heaven and not Hell, Louis finds himself in Judgment City UK: a pristine city where the food and entertainment are divine and the newly departed must undergo a Review of their life on Earth to determine if they have lived a life worthy of advancement in the universe, or if they must be returned to Earth to be born again in a new body.

On his first full day in the Afterlife, Louis meets Harry Styles, and the two have an instant connection. Over the course of their Reviews, they fall in love and begin to find that even though they didn't know each other on Earth, they are nonetheless linked to one another in perfect ways. Both are hoping to move ahead in the universe together, but they are challenged with the threat of separation if one or both of them is sent back to Earth to be born again.

Loosely based on the Albert Brooks' film "Defending Your Life" starring Brooks and Meryl Streep. One scene in particular is drawn from the movie, but other than that scene and the general concept, this story veers far away from the film. There were no blowies in the 1991 movie, I swear!

[souvercine]

hey y’all ! i’m jia and i’m super excited for opening; i have two super clingy cats in case any of you ever need a visual pick-me-up, i’m a uni student in canada and a big skincare and dark chocolate junkie, more than likely gonna be typing replies while indulging in either jsyk !

tried to keep it short since i’m a rambly bitch, but xan’s basic stats and a proper wc page will be up soon as i just got home from grocery shopping and we open in an hour as of typing this, the theme as a whole will get a refresh eventually and i’ll be posting a little tracklist for her playlist later ! and if tumblr ims are as much of a nuisance for you as they can be for me, you can add me on d*scord at genuinely sick of this shit#2030 if you’d like to plot ! anyways, without further ado:

( samantha logan , cis female , she/her, twenty-four ) omg ! i was walking yonge street downtown , and you’ll never guess who i saw . xanthe lowe ! i just saw a post about them on sixsecrets ! i think it said something like “ when they go high, she goes lowe ! xan spotted leaving a gala with her former friend’s ex, after last week’s reportedly tense exchange between the girls ” . isn’t that wild ? i guess it makes sense through , since they’re apparently merciless and imperious . but i’ve heard they’re also conspicuous and astute ! i’ll just stick to giving them the benefit of the doubt . i mean , it’s not like i know them personally — they’re a famous socialite ! you know , i’ve actually heard rumors that redacted , but they’re just rumors … i think . i dunno . if you happen to run into them , tell them i’m their biggest fan !

tw: drug mention

when i tell you that i have so many muse posts i’m holding back on for this bitch —

which, btw, will all slowly see the light of day soon enough bc god knows i can’t articulate my muses’ personalities as well as i’d like so that shit makes up for it fdgslk

her parents’ eldest child together, xanthe’s also the oldest out of her and her siblings

also, never call her xanthe. friend or otherwise, don’t take the risk dklgsjdlk

grew up with a silver spoon, her dad being a wall street giant and her mother being an entrepreneur with a love for art ( so much so that her two partners after separating from xan’s dad were artists themselves sdlkgj )

thus she split her time between toronto and manhattan even before her parents’ divorce, she merely spent more time jetting back and forth for special occasions and vacations compared to when her parents were still together

mind you, she was probably still in the single digits when that became a new normal for the brat

basically could’ve been a main character on gossip girl with her reckless antics and partying as a teenager…. and now, even sgdlkf

drk how to elaborate on that, aside from stressing that from her teen years onward she’s presented her own take of a rich bitch, and is a socialite/fashion week regular type if i were to describe where she stands rn

i think a good mix of references would be nicky hilton meets the delevingne sisters meets blair waldorf and sabrina pemberton’s lovechild

she attended an ivy league at the behest of her father so he had at least one child who could take a senior position in his company simply to keep it in the family

.. before he realized what a Mistake™ it would be to put that responsibility on xan and now has her slightly older cousin as a backup instead GDSLFJKS but nonetheless !

isn’t the most studious person, but she somehow wound up graduating with a major in communications and a marketing minor

she reasoned that, with her reputation in the gta and nyc, she’d need the bit of knowledge in how to clean up her messes. even if she wasn’t the one who had that responsibility

though.. the entire time has been spent sleeping with some of her rich friends, drinking and smoking pot, with the occasional hit of whatever clean enough drug that one of her friends had on them

as of now, she’s pissing off her neighbours with her house parties wherever she might be at a given time, staying in the good graces of the media as a budding, fun yet classy heiress — despite doing dumb shit the second she’s inside of a gala or club

uhhh ik i had something else to add but a quick break for dinner messed that up, rip LKGFSJD

personality and shit

her little blurb on my indie is: refined party girl still set in her ways with her future left uncompromised; detached and pretentious, she soaks up the attention that continues to roll in

which. we’ve basically been over already lkdfsg but still

if i were to use a label to describe her, she’d be the sovereign

she’s messy as hell, but puts on the façade of a poised woman who has some fun because she knows it bodes well

she’s not a complete dick per se, but she can be snide and boastful

big superiority complex, independent and lives lavishly with reckless abandon

probably jets back and forth between nyc and the gta as it’s her version of normal, so ig she hates the environment if it means not having things go her way !

non-committal as all hell and will abandon girl code if she drops you fgkljfs

.. fr, she’ll fuck an ex-friend’s ex if she technically saw them first, so being spiteful and resolving some past attraction ?? right up her alley !

hence the choice of headline gdfslkj

keeps her true inner circle small, but gets off on attention and likes to stay cordial with some people, so she’s got quite a few friends all the same

she’ll fight tooth and nail to protect her image and won’t hesitate to throw anyone under the bus to do so/in retaliation if they screw her over

which happens to mean that her family is to be protected as well. fuck with any of her sisters ?? you’re done ! try to call out one of her brothers on twitter ? she’ll quote it with a single clown emoji as a warning

there really isn’t much to expand on tbh, though i will say that her emboldened nature and need for a good time however she can get it comes out more than her uglier side ( except her vanity. that’ll never go away ksfdg )

some quick plot ideas

a childhood friend or two that she made in either of her main hubs or through events she attended when she was young, whether they’re still friends or not for x reasons can be discussed of course

could carry over into a trio type of thing depending on where she stands with either of them, or they’re a different couple of pals she’s made in the last few years

enemies are always fun ! probably rooted in a competitive streak more than anything else but i’m all ears for a more complex reason

ex-hookup(s), current hookup(s), throw it all at me klgfjd

a hateship/ewb would be fun with her too, oh my god sfdgklj

it should go without saying that they are all relatively wealthy or well-connected kids here, but that doesn’t mean that someone who’s using her for their fifteen seconds of fame, or just to get some perks out of their friendship, is necessarily a write-off — not that she cares too much about fake friends, face value hype and knowing they need her more than she needs them gives her too much satisfaction fkskgls

an ex-something, open to anyone. either someone her parents forced on her to straighten her out that she wound up liking…. after a good period of her telling them to fuck off sdglk or someone she’d been seeing for a while at her own accord. would’ve ended the same way: with her calling it off because she didn’t want to settle down, not even for a relationship ( and perhaps bc she’s scared of commitment with her cracked family dynamic that’s been a thing since age two, but that’s another story jsdfkg )

[gingerwritess]

o m g what about the reader goes into LABOR with Elliot and loki FREAKS THE FUCK out bc hes scared omg omg

You’re not sure what you expected, to be completely honest.

Loki’s the kind of person you expect to be able to stay calm, cool, and collected in high pressure situations, but that only lasted until you were in the hospital bed.

He managed to drive you over to the hospital, didn’t kill anyone, didn’t freak out too badly when your water broke—it was more of an anxious excitement, really.

Yes, Loki was excited, he kissed your forehead, murmured words of encouragement as the pain worsened, stood over your bed to hold your hand as the contractions got more and more intense...

But when the grunts of pain start to turn into almost screams, Loki checks out.

His face falls after your first push.

You grip his hand tighter and try again, focusing on steadying your breathing, unable to stop another shout of pain as a near ripping tears through your stomach.

Loki takes a couple stumbling steps backward, wrenching his hand from yours, eyes wide in horror.

“Hold her hand,” the doctor instructs, narrowed eyes darting to Loki’s retreating figure. “Dad, get back here, hold her hand!”

If it weren’t for the human trying to work it’s way out of your body, you might’ve laughed—someone besides you is trying to tell Loki what to do?

It doesn’t work, you notice through your teary gaze, Loki’s at the foot of the bed now, just...staring.

Another push, another scream, and your hands fist in the sheets with nothing else to hold on to.

If your eyes were open, you would’ve caught Loki turn away, blinking furiously and stumbling towards the far wall, face whiter than a sheet of paper.

Your screams mix with the doctor’s gentle praises, a few nurses bustling about the room around you, one of them prepping a tiny little blanket.

For his child, who’s now minutes away from being in his arms.

Loki sways, eyes rolling back in his head.

“Get him a chair!”

Someone’s yelling, you’re still panting and nearly screaming with every push, and Loki slumps against the wall.

He didn’t expect that much screaming. That much pain. That much blood.

He’s killing you.

Your face, wracked in agony and glistening with sweat, floats on the backs of his eyelids and he can hear your muffled shouts of pain, cutting through the panic of his collapse and the doctor’s promises that everything will be alright.

“No,” Loki mumbles, fighting to pry his eyes back open and pushing away a nurse. “No, my—my wife—”

“You need water,” the nurse firmly tells him, pushing a cup into his trembling hands. “Stay in the chair and drink the water, we can’t have you passing out again.”

For once, Loki does as he’s told.

He gulps the water, crushing the paper cup in a fist when he finishes, jaw clenched as he watches your face twist in pain again.

“I did this,” he mumbles under his breath, slumping in his seat.

The nurse glances over. “Already proud, dad?”

“No. I’ve made a mistake.”

What’s the nurse supposed to respond to that??

He just nods and gives Loki a strange look. “Do you need to step outside?”

Loki shakes his head, flinching violently when another scream from you cuts through the little room.

Another nurse hurries to your side and takes your hand, coaching you through the pain and wincing as your grip tightens on her hand.

That’s...his spot.

Loki had it all planned out: how he’d hold your hand and kiss your forehead and whisper sweet nothings into your ear to distract from the pain. How he’d be your rock, your grounding warrior as you fight to bring your child into the world.

It’s not like he’s been looking forward to this day for the past nine months, hell, even years before that—it’s only be something attainable for the past nine months. Before then, this was just a daydream.

But he can’t move, he’s sitting in a corner and shaking as if he’s the one struggling here, watching you writhe in pain that he induced, that he even had the gall to claim to want.

Loki always hoped and thought that this would be a much more...beautiful process.

Not in an aesthetics kind of way.

No, he knew it wouldn’t be pretty, per se, but he thought it’d be more full of life and slightly less...horrifying.

This was supposed to be a beautiful moment for your new family. He was going to be by your side the entire way.

But he can’t even look anymore, head in his hands and rocking back and forth, flinching with every scream and grunt of pain that comes from you, the person he promised he would never hurt.

In that moment Loki realises he’s never actually considered what you might be birthing right now; this could be a monster.

He doesn’t even know what a child from him might be.

“Just a couple more,” the doctor soothes, glancing over her shoulder to see if Loki plans on coming back over anytime soon—clearly not. “...we’re here for you, sweetie, you’re not alone in this.”

They’re talking to you. About...about him.

That wasn’t backhanded at all, huh?

Loki stands, nearly falling back down when he sees you gripping the nurse's hand in a death grip, and stumbles out the door before he has to hear one more scream from you.

The door slams behind him and a couple nurses in the hallway stare—I’m sure it looks odd, an ex-criminal in the birthing ward—but his pale face and bloodshot eyes send them hurrying to his side when they see him slump onto the floor, burying his face in his hands.

“Sir? Are you alright?“

Back in the room, you see Loki’s empty chair through watery eyes and your heart drops.

“D-did he leave?” You gasp out, already knowing the answer.

“Don’t worry about him right now,” one of the nurses soothes. “Let’s just get this baby here, we’re all here to help. You’re not alone.”

The nurse's hand in yours in too...small. Almost frail, really, and you worry you’re hurting her fingers with every push. You’d always imagined it’d be Loki’s hand, but here we are, your baby almost here and Loki just left you.

Time can’t pass quickly enough for the distraught god on the other side of that door.

Everything seems wrong; you weren’t supposed to be in this much pain, and the more he thinks about it, the reality of what’s about to happen to life as he knows it seems to be finally sinking in.

He thought he had come to terms with the whole “being a father” thing.

But now it’s literal minutes from actually happening and the walls are closing in on him, his mind racing with everything that could go wrong in the coming years, every mistake waiting to be made, every disappointment about to come to life.

All goes quiet behind the door, and Loki doesn’t want to go back in.

He hears a tiny cry and his heart drops—this is happening.

This is real.

He pulls himself to his feet, knowing he needs to go back in that room, be there with you, see his son.

But he just reenters the little room, casts one single glance at your beaming face and the little bundle of blankets in your arms, and falls right back into the chair he left on the other side of the room.

He’ll watch from a distance.

Moments pass with nothing but high-pitched cries from the newborn, shaking Loki to his core, and he anxiously picks at his hands as he watches the nurses wash his son, care for you, and tuck the baby back into a little roll of blankets to give back to you.

You’re glowing, smiling down at your son and stroking a finger along his tiny cheek, and you don’t look at Loki when he comes back in.

He’s not surprised—this isn’t his child.

What did he do in this process? That baby is yours, you created it, you carried him and brought him into this world.

From what he can see, the baby looks...normal.

That can’t possibly be from him.

You look much better, at least. He’d like to tell you how you’ve managed to make even a hospital gown look beautiful, but he opens his mouth and his throat goes dry.

He’ll tell you later, if he gets the chance.

The little hospital room is slowing down, nurses cleaning up and taking their leave, the one from before clapping Loki on the shoulder and mumbling a quiet “congrats, dad” as he leaves.

Loki can’t bring himself to respond.

Minutes pass and now the room is almost empty, only the doctor and one last nurse staying behind to help you nurse your son for the first time. The nurse, being not-so-subtle, keeps glancing over her shoulder at Loki, frowning each time he catches her eye and gives a tiny shake of his head.

Eventually the doctor makes her way to the door, shooting Loki a glare that makes him recoil from the venom it holds.

And he can’t hear her, but over by the bed, the last nurse is quietly asking if your relationship with the father is anything you might need help...escaping.

“I’m happy in my marriage,” you assure her, heart aching at the mere suggestion—you know Loki’s actions today aren’t exactly helping his case. “I truly am. Thank you.”

Loki heard that part.

The context is pretty self explanatory.

Swallowing the lump in his throat, he stands and quietly slips to the door. He’ll write you something, ask you for forgiveness later and let you enjoy this beautiful moment now by yourself, just you and your son.

Your screams of pain still ring in his ears—that is, until your voice cuts through them, soft and right away freezing his hand on the doorknob.

“Loki,” you call out softly, waving away the last nurse in the room. “Come here. Elliot wants to meet his dad.”

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

hope you enjoyed, please reblog and feel free to send me ideas!

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[shadowcodexx]

What if— Billy Hargrove

(Edited/added on)

As soon as his body died, the real billy wakes up in the upside down, connected like will had been. The mind flayer made contingencies this time and billy was his most prized puppet.

Hopper had jumped through the portal in the underground lab in hopes of having some chance of getting back to Joyce and El someday. He didn’t expect to find a scared billy Hargrove trying to hide from the monsters.

They bond and hopper tries to help this traumatized kid deal with all of this. They share hoppers remains pack of cigarettes and he realizes this kid has gone through much more than being possessed by an evil entity. His dad is beating him. He only knows this because billy jolts awake from a nightmare and makes a comment. Hopper pieces it together.

“Your dad again?” “He’s not my dad.”

Then they start to see the Demogorgons getting attracted to something. It’s a new portal. They take their chances. They get through the portal and they’re in a Russian base in Siberia. Better than that place.

Somehow, they get out and they’re both scarred. The Russians had figured out that the creatures reacted to Billy’s presence and experimented on him. They put him in fighting rings and whatever was left in him from the mind flayer gave him extra strength. They tested that too. Made him take on some Demogorgons themselves. He had won. Every time.

They find themselves back in Hawkins for whatever reason—idk how they get there—but it’s Christmas and yknow snow. When max sees billy stumbling up their driveway she runs and hugs him. She’s wearing his leather jacket. El runs out a moment later with his denim jacket on like they had been reminiscing. The sleeves are all rolled up. Then she sees hopper. She starts crying and he has just enough strength to hug her. Joyce, will and Jonathan has come up so they could celebrate Christmas and see some of their old friend. They ended up getting one of the best Christmas presents yet.

The people that had been in change of Hawkins lab come back when there’s news of the chief of police and a young man presumed dead, are found. They’re so worn out from the journey and strain they’re passed out for days.

When hopper wakes, mostly everyone is around his bed. Steve has been up from college, so he decided to visit. They all did. He hugged and greeted all of them and they told him of everything that had happened and so forth.

When billy woke up, max was asleep next to him. No one else was there. Hopper made the nurses move him into Billy’s room with him. Billy quietly appreciated that. Steve patted him on the shoulder and el sat on his other side and he educated her on the vending machine snacks.

“What’s....a powerbar?” Billy raise and eyebrow. He looks over at hopper who’s smoking a cig even thought he’s not supposed to—“you have not done this kid justice.” He grabs the bar and opens it while saying, “it’s quick meal—“ Steve walks in saying, “no it’s not Hargrove.” He glares halfheartedly and responds looking at el, “yes, it is.”

Billy father barges in with Susan one afternoon and stands silent and angry. Susan asks how he’s doing and tries to grab his hand, but Neil won’t let her. Then he goes on, very menacingly, how Billy’s a no good son who just decided to up and leave—“with a whore no doubt”—and that all this Russian business is a coverup mean to put him in a good spotlight so he’ll get sympathy etc and hopper just, yeets the curtain separating them away and in his ‘hopper’ voice goes “you ever talk like that again to him, I’m going to have an officer remove you indefinitely from this room.” And Neil leaves in a fit dragging Susan, and trying to force max. But of course she doesn’t budge. He raises his hand and sees hopper in the background. He turns it into a pointing-in-her-face gesture and leaves.

After they get to leave from the special wing of the hospital, billy had to move back in with his dad and Susan. Hopper and Joyce are going steady. She rents back their old place and they all live there for the time being. By then Billy’s missed half the school year, and goes to Nancy’s (who won’t ask questions because she knows) and gets help with tutoring.

Mrs wheeler opens the door and has a look of shock on her face. He gives her a half smirk and says, “this time, I’m looking for Nancy.” She has him wait in the kitchen, asking how he’s doing, she heard they found him and hopper in he woods and that everyone who knew them were overjoyed. But she notices Billy’s not quite himself. He’s not giving her innuendos and his shirt isn’t as unbuttoned. He looks like he just got a haircut. His mullet is shorter now. He’s got a quiet sort of contemplation like he’s grown up too fast. Nancy comes in and is surprised to see him. She agrees to help him.

Christmas Day, billy is beat up again by his father. He hadn’t even said anything. He had just grabbed the remote and Neil slammed him into the wall. And it had to be the worst possible time, too. The doorbell rang. Neil opened it and sees the re-appointed sherif Jim Hopper and his daughter, El. He says they brought a gift for billy and max. Neil tried to take them but el says she wants to give it to them. Max comes out and hugs eleven and whispers one word— “help.”

El looks at Neil and shoves her way past with max leading the way. Hopper notices the blood on his knuckles. He follows. He walks in slowly, surveying the area. Max leads el Into the kitchen, where billy sits, his face bleeding. El grabs his face and makes him look at her. Max grabs some ice and he accepts it. Hopper comes in a few seconds later. “What happened?” Neil answers. “He got in a fight with a kid a few hours ago. Disgraceful to do it on Christmas Day if you ask me.” “I didn’t.” Hopper walls closer. The bruises are fresh. Billy just looks at him.

“See the funny thing about that mr. Hagrove is that your knuckles are bleeding.” Hopper steps closer to Neil, towering over him. “Billy if I take him in will you testify?” Billy looks at him. “Yes.” Neil trues to lunge at him, cursing him out but hopper catches him. He calls it in and shoves Neil into his car.

It turns into a news story and Billy’s at the station a lot. Susan won’t testify, of course. She’s too nervous. Neil tries to use all of Billy’s mistakes against him like his poor school conduct and the speeding tickets. Hopper knows better. He’s stuck with that kid for half a year and he knows him better than anyone. Reminds him of himself in some ways. They tell billy they have to call his mother bc he needs a legal guardian to finish high school. He argues he doesn’t but a little part of him wants to see her. Hopper says he’s sorry, he knows it’s soft spot but it’s good to mend old wounds. Susan tries to take max with her but max refuses. She wants to stay with billy, el and hopper. They have an argument and max throws out, “Your not stupid mom your just a push over! You’ve watched him get beat up every week and didn’t do a thing. I’m staying with him until all this blows over. If you need me I’ll be staying with Hopper and Joyce.”

Billy also lives with hopper and Joyce for the time being. School starts up and he dreads it. Hopper tells him his mother was contacted and she’s coming up from California to see him. Billy starts to lash out because he doesn’t know what else to do and Joyce calms him down. They have a cigarette out on the porch and she talks to him and he starts to break down and she just holds him. And he can’t remember the last time a mother held him like this.

He often gets up in the middle of the night because of nightmares and he finds will in the kitchen. They talk about it and eventually talk about their crappy dads and billy tells him he likes wills mother and that he’s got a good mom. Will mentions he saw some bands that billy had on vinyl and tape and says he likes them. They talk about music until will falls asleep on Billy’s shoulder. Joyce listened to the whole thing from the living room and couldn’t help but smile.

Billy find that his life is much more peaceful in the hopper-Byers household. In the morning, Joyce makes them all breakfast. Max and el share a room so they’re usually the last ones to the table. Billy and hopper both drink black coffee. Billy and Jonathan have a silent respect for each other after Lonny tried to visit one day out of the blue. Billy helped Jonathan get him to leave. Will sits next to billy because there’s always something on his plate he doesn’t eat that billy silently takes after he’s done. The two Hargrove kids have practically moved in. Hopper got two extra beds and max eventually brought everything she owns to the house via the window to her room. Billy moved everything out weeks ago. Jonathan and will share a room and el and max share one. Billy is the only one who doesn’t share a room.

The first day of school, billy takes el and max to school. By now everyone heard of billy Hargrove, the kid who came back to life. Or was captured by the Russians. The facts were a little fuzzy. His cronies and fake friends hound him pretending they were affected by his disappearance. Billy’s tired of high school. He understands why Steve stopped being king. It didn’t really matter anymore. Life has hit him straight in the face and it was time to grow up. And now he had some people who were gonna be there for him. By the end of the day he had so much makeup work, he had to find Nancy. By then, they were easy acquaintances. Not friends per se, just bonded experiences. Tommy started making fun of him, acting as if he were trying to get in Nancy’s pants but he ends up slamming him into a locker.

Tommy and carol and all the other jerks hang around billy as usual, but there’s an air of wariness like they’re waiting for him to do something. And honestly, if it weren’t for max or el, he would have. El understands what makes him, him and she can tell when he’s about to snap. Max is like a similar version of him. Not quite the same, and less corrupted. The middle schoolers have a field trip, or something that causes the high schools to have the same lunch as them. When they come running in, everyone gives a collective grumble. Most of the gang sit with Nancy and Jonathan + Robin. El taps billy on the shoulder and his friends sneer at her. But el asks one question. “What’s a Hershey?” Carol starts laughing but billy silenced her with a look. He looks over at max, a little ways behind and smiles. He jumps up and pulls out a few cents. They follow him to the vending machine and he buys one. This leads to many days of el quietly sitting down and whispering s question in his ear. Billy would then answer.

By the end of the week he was sitting with Nancy and returning student, Jonathan because he was so tired of all the bull. One day he was walking into the middle school to check max and el out early , (because he wanted Mexican and he knew el didn’t know what that was, and he figured he could give her some world experience) he saw max beating up some kid. He shoves in and pulls her off. The kid had called will and el a freak and other slurs she wouldn’t repeat. Susan has to be called in, and it was a mess. She blamed billy but max said the truth and she didn’t seem to want to accept that. Neil had already been put in jail for 20 years so Susan was considerably panicking. Joyce came by after being called and calmed her down. The rest of the gang had been involved bc they wouldn’t stand by either so all of the mothers were called. The ended up supporting Susan and helping her find a place for her and max and finding her a good job she liked and all that.

Billy’s tired of sleeping around. Part of him did it to show that he could and prove he was top dog. But now all the girls except Nancy and robin annoyed him. They always tried to fix him, get him to meet their parents, etc. now it was oh poor billy and pity pity pity. he didn’t get as drunk at parties. He didn’t like not being aware of everything around him anymore. If he were wasted he wouldn’t be as alert. Can’t stand the sound of fireworks anymore.

The next day billy gets called out of class. He’s told his mom is here to pick him up. He kind of freezes up and numbly asks if it’s Joyce and the secretary says no. He refuses to go up and instead leaves and goes to the sheriffs station and barges into hoppers office. “She’s here.”

Hopper calms him down and offers to be there with him. Billy says no he can do this. He walks out and she’s sitting in the waiting room. He hurriedly looks away and sits down near her. She nervously looks at him and asks what he’s here for. He says something about seeing hopper. She says the same thing. She’s looking for her son who moved here with his dad. She says she’s here to see her little boy again. He looks at her and says, “that little boy is gone. He died when you left.” She’s shocked and follows him out and begs him to listen. He turns around and yells “you left me with him!” Tears are streaming down both of their faces. She hugs him and he buries his face in her blond hair.

She rents a place in town and gets to watch him graduate high school. He passed with good grades thanks to Nancy. After the graduation ceremony he picks up Nancy and spins her around, thanking her for the help. He pats Jonathan on the back and messes with wills hair. He and Steve do a fist bump handshake thing. Dustin can be hheard muttering, “not as cool as ours.”

He goes to Cali and brings max and el with him. He teaches them how to surf. Hopper and Joyce come, because, reasons and the entire gang ends up coming. On a completely random chance, their buying snow cones on the pier and he hears his name. It’s his mom. He awkwardly hugs her and she invites them to dinner. She’s married. He’s not too happy about it. The guys nice though and he can’t blame her. He’s just wished she’d taken him with her. Then maybe he’d have had a better father figure, like John. (The guy)

On the beach, he crashed into a girl carrying an icebox. (Courtesy of max) he helps her pick up the spilled drinks and the breath is stolen from his lungs. She’s a knockout. He smooth talks her and she see through the bull. His charm—king billy Hargrove’s charm turned off a girl. He’s internally yelling at himself. She picks up her board and walks to her friends. He asks if she surfs—“duh” and holds up her board. Max is quietly laughing behind him. He asks is they wanna catch some waves. She gives him a long look and says sure.

Her name is Avaline, or ava. She mentions her and her friends are road tripping and she mentions their route. Their going through Hawkins. He tells her they live there and that she should visit. She gives him a brilliant smile and agrees. Max and el love her.

Joyce and hopper ended up buying a house together and Susan got a house coincidentally, near them. It was a street or two over from will and Lucas and a straight shot to Dustin’s. The entire club was back together.

Aveline visits at the most inopportune time. She knocks on the house at the address billy gave her. No response. A crashing sound echoes through the house and she jumps. She tucks her beach blond hair behind her ear and leans in to listen. A beat of silence. She gets thrown backwards with the door. A Demogorgon has flown through the door due to elevens telekinesis.

They all rush out fighting a pack of demodogs. Aveline groans as she touches the blood running down her head. Billy calls her name and hits a demo dog with Steve nail bat. He throws it back to him and Nancy throws him a shotgun. He loads it and shoots one coming behind her. He helps her up and she asks if their being invaded by aliens. Robin comments that she likes how this girl thinks.

Joyce nurses her wound and and they all explain. Ava knew billy was some kind of trouble but she didn’t know he was trouble with a capital T. They load up and try to lead the creatures away from Hawkins. Joyce has to hurriedly call all the kids parents saying their staying with will for a sleepover and she’s sorry about the inconvenience.

“I knew it.” Aveline says holding the ice pack up to her head. “Knew what?” Billy asks, while Duran Duran plays, his hand tapping along to the beat. “You’ve slept with every girl at you high school, haven’t you?” He huffs a laugh and looks at her. “Not all.” She shakes her head. “You can let me out.” “What?” She repeats. She tells him she’s not about to get in a relationship with a guy who has a rep. He says he’s not the person he was when he came to Hawkins. They’re out of the car at this point yelling and arguing and he kisses her. She melts. She hits his chest and jolts back. “Sorry” he says breathless. She pulls him back and hugs him. “You’re frustrating.” He huffs. “That’s a first.”

Of course the Russians weaponized the Demogorgons and all that jazzy stuff and they go on this big adventure and cue a scene where they all end up at s gas station to restock and get a game plan. the cashier just looks at hopper and all the teenagers behind him and raises and eyebrow. Him and Joyce look at each other and Joyce says “our kids” gesturing weakly begins her. He shrugs because he’s not paid enough for this and checks out the tons of stuff they buy.

Steve and billy bond over trying to babysit insane children and Steve is trying to keep them from doing dumb stuff and billy is yelling at them not get killed. Much betting is involved. Robin and billy actually become buddies and it freaks Steve out. Aveline just watches it all.

And after all the fiasco stuff is over, everyone is royally freaks out when Steve Harrington shows up to bring lunch to all these kids and then sits with billy freaking Hagrove and they start chatting like their old buddies.

Billy gets a job at the sheriffs station because he actually has a good head for telling people what not to do and just generally bossing people around. Hopper takes him under his wing and they patrol and keep the weirdness of the town under control. He regularly takes el and max to eat at different restaurants because he’s determined to give el some ‘worldly knowledge’

His relationship with ava is one of his longest they’re going steady. She moves in with him and they go back to Cali every summer to see her parents and his mom. They get married on the beach. Lucas makes a comment on how they’re going to have kids and when el asks billy how they have kids it’s the one question he won’t answer. Hopper was standing next to him when she asked and he gave her the Look. Billy re-evaluated his answer.

The kids think billy is kinda cool now and he keeps them in line while Harrington is off getting a degree. Billy finally has some peace when Harrington gets back and takes them off his hands.

And most importantly billy is happy.