#this isn’t even scratching the surface of the ideas I’ve generated in the last 2 days

[bird-goofle]

hi! thank you for your kind words on my ST ii fanart!! to draw i referenced sparrow wings for the shape which is why i put it in the tags but your suggestions are intriguing. tbh i havent decided on which bird i want to go with for the actual design for ii (and for the rest of them). i was thinking something along the lines of spotted woodpecker iii and maybe hooded crow iv?? no clue about vessel q-q though i would prefer it if his type of bird displayed very clear sexual demorphism. just rolling around concepts in my brain atm--- i would love to hear your thoughts if thats ok with you! if not, then thats perfectly fine too, of course. either way i wish you a lovely day :>

Right, so I’ve taken enough time to somewhat compose my thoughts here. I have many more.

Okay I can go a couple of routes:

- Per this ask: woodpecker III extremely good, the jokes about head banging would write themselves. Hooded crow IV also very good. That man refuses to take off his hood, huh. Species thoughts as far as sexual dimorphism go: I’m back on the northern cardinal track. There are also a couple of chicken breeds and specific varieties with bigger color differences. Brown leghorns are particularly striking. If waterfowl are appealing, mallard and wood ducks, eiders, and mergansers

- Taking height into account because I think it’s a little funny: II and IV get the shorter, rounder, more maneuverable wings- game birds and passerines, possibly hawks and kestrels thrown in. Low aspect ratio. Vess and III get longer- sea and shorebirds, soaring raptors. Very high aspect ratio. Vess with water bird wings very much fits with the aquatic theme.

- The Miscellaneous: I wanna give III some nice heron wings or maybe secretary bird wings because their legs match, but really the funniest option for him that still follows that line of logic would be flamingo wings. I have a note elsewhere for a mostly unrelated thing where I want Vessel to get golden Sebright wings, which is famously a chicken breed that exhibits far less sexual dimorphism than other chicken breeds. Essentially the opposite of what you’re talking about, which I thought was an interesting coincidence

- Also very good: catbird!Vessel, hoatzin!III, Give That Man Peacock Wings (which one? I have yet to decide. Probably IV because I can)

Themed ideas:

- All red: wallcreeper, turaco, northern cardinal, red-winged blackbird, summer tanager, etc. (Saw red wings, brain said “that’s a wallcreeper.” And then I wanted to give IV red and black wings because of his jacket. And then I started spiraling.)

- Oops all cockatoos: sulphur-crested, black palm, cockatiel, red-tailed black, Mitchell’s, Moluccan, umbrella, etc. because: noisy, II going bangbangcrash, III occasionally headbanging, and Vess and IV screaming. The intro to Gods really gives me big parrot vibes.

[bisluthq]

Thank you for defending the art of poetry vs a police report!! Also scratched the surface is like the new ‘a love that was really something not just the idea of something’ lol like she felt a degree of it when she wrote it probably, but also in you have to consider who she was writing to/ for - both poems are an explanation and elaboration of sorts, but it’s so normal to have a new love and go: 😍😍 I see nothing better! I forget my exes names now! 😍😍😍

Because people don’t fall in love and go: ahh yes, I am feeling butterflies that I felt with the last 2 exes. This is a joyful feeling. I wonder if it will last.

Or maybe some people do, idk

But usually people fall in love with someone new and they’re like: wow I’ve never felt this exact feeling before! 😍

And that’s valid because if you love someone and break up, then have a few casual relationships (or not) that don’t go anywhere, it’s because you are comparing it to your last love in some way. If it doesn’t feel as deep as the thing you left, why be in it? The goal of having new lovers is typically to find the one, that magical best thing ever that eclipses everything you knew! No one will stay with something that isn’t even as good as an ex lmao

But it’s also normal to split from someone and go ‘maybe it was an idea of love not real love because we never…. And they never saw / liked / wanted to be around *this part of me*’

Or ‘I thought they were my soulmate but my idea of soulmates is “…..” and since we couldn’t do/ be “….” Then I guess they weren’t my soul mate? Because this need of mine wasn’t met, or I was still trying to impress them so didn’t let myself be completely seen…. How can I even say they knew me if I never told them I have a fear of blue marbles? If it was the perfect love I could have confided in them I’m afraid of blue marbles…. In my next relationship, I’m going to talk about my fear of blue marbles’

It’s just a growth period?

And fwiw this is the same person who wrote forever and always, last kiss, better than revenge and holy ground about the same relationship/ person. That’s over a 3-4 year period of writing, so with time our perspectives on things can change. It’s just life imo

exactly. What she’s said has all been very normal. Also, it would be extremely boring art if it were a police report lol. That would be the divorce decree and idk if y’all have ever seen one but they’re not generally very interesting readings.

[myonmukyuu]

Art Summary: 2021

It’s time for my yearly art review! This makes my 8th year of recording year-long summaries. They’re really piling up now. 😊

I feel like this summary isn't really indicative of my improvement? It's more like what I got up to over the year.

...I really did draw stpm for an entire year 🤣

Previous: 2014 | 2015 | 2016 | 2017 | 2018 | 2019 | 2020

Let’s see... what did I get up to this year?

My worklife shifted to primarily working from home, so I ended up getting more time to draw. Though on the flipside I’ve been quite busy with my life, especially because I’ve been trying to organise building a house with my family.  Either way, my comic output has been quite constant.

It may have taken me 2-4 months to do ch8 in my series, but I wasn’t spending that time sitting around y’know. I feel like I’m becoming a lot more confident with making comics like this! I usually feel a lot of grief about how I’m “not fast enough” and things like that. But looking back, I really should cut myself some slack 😅. I did 138 pages worth of comic this year. On average that makes about 11 pages a month. Of course this doesn’t take into account whether those pages were coloured or not, not does it take into account the breaks I’ve taken to do standalone illustrations or other things but I still think it’s pretty consistent work if you ask me! And I’m happy I could keep it up. Comics are the kind of thing you get better at by just doing, after all.

As a side-note, I’m also happy that some of my work was accepted onto Dynasty Scans this year. People have different opinions about rehosting, but for my comics specifically, I feel comfort in knowing that they’re archived somewhere outside of my art accounts. Especially somewhere that people visit specifically to read comics.

Overall... I’m pretty darn satisfied with the content I’ve output this year! My series has always been really fun to do (even though it can be stressful) because it really lets me try to flex all of my muscles, y’know? Painting skills, writing skills, doing weird backgrounds, doing weirder angles... Stuff like that. Just trying new things. Even if it’s hard to do, I have a lot of fun trying to push things further! Of course I’m not a machine and that’s not something I can constantly do, so weaving in black/white one-shots is also very satisfying. I think above everything, I want to be able to tell a good story, so being able to do comics quickly in b/w really helps me quickly pump out an idea!

I wonder if there’s anyone out there thinking “when will she get tired of drawing Setsuna/Ayumu” and honestly that’s a really good question. If you’ve been a long time follower of mine, you probably wouldn’t be asking such a question though, You’d know that I’m that kind of person who draws a single thing and nothing else for years at a time 😂. I’m just very focused okay!! I’m a depth-first kind of person when it comes to things and I still feel like there’s so much to explore between these two. I’m sorry if there’s anyone out there who wants me to draw other ships 😂.  It’s just that I really adore these characters, so I wanna continue to explore and develop them! Both as characters and as a relationship dynamic. I feel like I’ve barely scratched the surface honestly... so I have my work cut out for me. (I definitely have no shortage of ideas).

I think that’s it for my general overview? Well it’s what I can think of at the moment. I’m gonna move into where I am and where I wanna go in terms of art.

Like I said before, I’m pretty satisfied with what I’ve been getting up to. Of course, technical-skills-wise I definitely have a long way to go. My lines are still so... tight, I have difficulty drawing in perspective (which really puts a wrench in lining up dramatic panels) and I barely know what 3D-shape is to name a few things. But let’s talk about what I’ve been doing!

Last year I wrote the following goals in my art summary. Let’s address them individually:

“I want to finish my comic series”

Hahhahahahahahah I’m so sorry 2020 me. This comic was a lot bigger than you initially imagine 😂. I’m not going to make any excuses or anything. But I can say for a fact that I will most definitely finish this comic in 2022! I promise!

“I want to continue to play to my strengths and enhance them”

This is a vague-sounding goal, but it still rings true. I know that my skills mainly lie in being able to create atmosphere/tone to best communicate a feeling. At least that’s what I think. But I believe I have been enhancing them! Over the course of my comics this year I’ve been trying lots of new things when it comes to lighting and colour! For my main series comics I actually do quite a bit of research and experimentation. Like in Ch 7 the rainy day scenes took some playing around with. And in ch8 the entire chapter had me trying ~4 different approaches and strategies. I think it’s really important to try to do new things and push out of your comfort-zone so I think this has been valuable to my learning. I feel like I could’ve better explained this bit but... well I’m writing this mainly for myself and I know what I mean sadaskdadklsf

“I also want to continue to try things that are outside of my comfort zone. I want to see myself try things like different angles/perspectives and more complex backgrounds.”

Speaking of comfort zones, I also shared the desires to push from them last year too. I don’t think I really pushed too far, but, I think a little goes a long way y’know? Hmmmm, while I did do more interesting angles and perspectives over the year, I don’t think I pushed as hard as I could. The same with backgrounds. While there is definitely improvement in this areas compared to last year, I think I could do a lot better. But! I will give myself credit where credit is due. It’s actually this year - a few months ago where I started using 3D tools and various other resources to help me draw. I used to be very stubborn against using such things, but now I’m much more open to it. Specifically I’ve started using 3D-models in Clip Studio Paint! This has really helped me visualise different angles and even implement foreshortening where I otherwise would’ve struggled. I feel it has helped with my improvement this year for sure. I’m hoping to better gain and understanding of 3D-space by continuing to use tools to assist me because I seriously have bad intuition for it asdasdasd.

Okay! Moving forward! What do I wanna learn in 2022? Well I have a couple of loose goals:

I want to do more illustrations/quick drawings on top of my comic work.

One thing that I always sulk about is how long my comics take to produce. And at times, it really can’t be helped. Especially if the comic is fully coloured. And like...how do I explain this... I want to upload work as often as any other fan artist, y’know? Whenever I post my big comics I feel the tension of months of work releasing from me, and like, it’s a lot lighter on my mental to be able to work on smaller things and actually finish them.  So one thing I’d like to implement is some way to work in smaller works. Whether that’d be little mini comics, or doodles or whatever while I’m working on my bigger comics. How I’ll do this? We’ll see what works, but at the moment I’m thinking of allowing 2-4 hours a week for me to work on whatever I wish outside of the main comic. Like 2 hours twice a week? Or 2 hours a week? Or- well you get the idea, I’ll figure it out! Just some time set for little things so I can get more of my ideas out.

I want to learn to paint.

This isn’t really a compulsory goal, but it’s somethign that would be nice to explore, even if it’s just a bit. For those who aren’t too familiar with making art, I’m referring to a dramatic change in my process. Usually I draw a sketch, ink the lines, and then colour beneath the lines and on top of the sketch.  Now when i say “paint” I mean it in terms of process. This would be sketching, plopping base paints on top of the sketch, then colouring as usual, painting in lines as I need them on top (much like traditional painting!). I find the style rather appealing, but it’s a bit hard for me to get used to hahahahah. But if I can figure it out well, it might help contribute to my next goal.

I want to learn to draw faster.

Above everything, I would like to be able to tell the stories that I want to tell. So it’d be helpful if I could output stories at a faster rate. I think my lining is really slow... well I think I’m quite slow in general. Even my drafting is quite slow. There are a two angles I can approach this gripe of mine from.

Faster lines.

Faster/more clever drafting.

As I’ve mentioned my lines are quite tight. If I could learn to be more loose and flowy, then perhaps I’d be able to draw faster.

As I mentioned before, I wanted to dedicate some time each week to do other things. Perhaps one of those things could be speed drawing/doodling. It’s a possibility that just allowing myself to do doodles would passively boost this skill though.

This dips into a flaw that I have that has been bubbling for awhile now. I think I’m horribly inefficient when it comes to panels and pacing when compared to professional mangaka.

...though in general I’m extremely lacking compared to a pro so what am I saying 😂

Either way, the way my comics have been becoming longer and longer is likely related to this. I’m too afraid to compress my comics and end up spacing them out unecessarily. I’m uncertain how to approach this issue as it’s very ingrained in the way I write... Regardless, I believe it to be an issue that directly affects how long I spend working a comic. I mean, if my comic panelling were more efficient, I’d have less to draw!

Again, it’s a toughie to really fix this. I think I’ll just have to do more research and keep it in mind moving forward.

I want to utilise resources that I have available to me and take more active learning.

At work I realised that my office was paying for heaps of learning resources and courses. I figured, if it’s available to me might as well use it? So maybe to help address the other problems I might take paid online lectures about them. Like gesture drawing! Or backgrounding and perspective! Stuff like that has loads of resources online so maybe putting some time into it would be valuable.

I want to print my comic.

This is a bit less of a skill-related thing. But I really want to print my setsuayu comic! I cannot promise I’ll be selling it for cheap, but if anyone buys it, I’d feel really happy! But even if people don’t, just having a physical copy of what I poured my soul into for the past 1.5 years would make me really happy. I do have my work cut out for me though. Gotta finish the comic and then reformat it to fit being printed! I believe in me!!

I also hope I can sell it in an artist alley in the coming year. I feel like people wouldn’t really be interested but.. yeah! I still wanna anyways! I’ll do my best.

General improvement.

I feel like this is a given, but I do hope to continue to improve in the various ways that I can. Like proportions, anatomy, colouring etcetc etc. Since I don’t put too much focus to it, I’m not asking for much. But, if I could be better at the end of next year than I am now, I think I’d be happy with that.

Anyways, I think that’s all from me for now? Maybe? Wait how much did I typ- oh wow 2k words asjkldaskldklas. If anyone takes the time to read this, thank you!! This is mainly written for myself, so that I can keep drawing and then look back and ask myself “did I do what I wanted to do last year?”, reflect and then do it again. For anyone looking to improve a skill, I find it really valuable to do and recommend it!

Happy New Year! Let’s see what 2022 has in store for us. 💖

[wannabe-fic-writer]

Natasha Romanoff x Reader : Trying to Hold On

Summary: You’re determined to get Natasha back.

Warning: Angst 

Part 2

******

It’s lost on you how long you sit on your couch staring at the framed picture of you and Natasha on your coffee table.

Even though you’re aware of all the time you spent with Wanda, you can’t place when exactly it had become too much for Natasha.

After having dated secretly for two years the woman was ready to introduce you to her team despite your anxiety at doing so. Even though they all seemed like great people, your introverted self had no plans to seek out a close friendship with any of them, figuring you’d see them whenever Natasha took you to the compound.

She’s the one who encouraged you to keep talking to Wanda. Apparently the brunette had mentioned how nice you were to your girlfriend and Natasha took that and ran with it, telling you that you and Wanda would be good friends and it wouldn’t hurt to get close with her teammate.

Now she’s more than upset with you because you’re doing what she wanted you to do.

You wipe your tears and sit up.

It’s not right to even remotely blame Natasha. This was all your doing. 

At the time you didn’t give it much thought. It was just you and Wanda hanging out, nine times out of ten you were talking about Natasha. But that doesn’t matter. All that matters now is getting your girlfriend back.

Knowing that she’s still upset and might be for a while you give it a day and a half. It would’ve been two but the emptiness of your bed, and apartment in general, was becoming too much already. Not waking up with Natasha hurt and you’re not willing to let that happen any longer.

You take a much needed shower and caffeinate yourself before leaving out. 

On the way to the compound you stop and buy a bouquet of Natasha’s favorite flowers: peonies.

Luckily for you the gate is open, saves you the possibility of being turned away before you’ve even tried.

Surprisingly, it seems pretty damn empty when you step up into the living quarters of the facility. You aren’t even sure if this is where Natasha is but it’s what you have to start with.

“Uh hello?” You call from the front door.“ Any Avengers present? I’m looking for Natasha.”

Nerves rush through your system when you realize how incredibly stupid this was. They’re the Avengers and you pop up? There is no stopping a vibranium shield or repulsor beam should they see you as a threat. 

“Damnit FRIDAY what did I say about letting fans in.” The familiar voice of Tony Stark greets you and you tense.

The billionaire, while intimidating enough, is very close with Natasha. Everyone is, if they know that you hurt her there’s a chance they’ll kick your ass. 

“Not a fan. Well, I am, but um I’m Natasha’s-” shoulders dropping you realize how untrue that may be,“ I hope I’m still her girlfriend.” 

Tony comes closer, his frown clear,“ oooohh, the girlfriend. Y/N right? Natasha didn’t tell anyone you were coming by.”

So she didn’t say anything.

“Y/N.” Wanda’s voice joins and you quickly look over at her.

“Hey Wan, do you know where Natasha is?” 

“She didn’t stay with you last night?” 

“No, we ended up fighting and she left.” You say dejectedly.

Tony sucks in a breath through clenched teeth,“ explains why she didn’t come back last night.”

Your gaze snaps to him,“ she isn’t here?” 

With a shake of his head he leaves, telling you he hopes things work out before he’s gone. 

Wanda steps closer to you,“ was your fight because of me?”

“No.” You’re quick to say.“ Not at all. It was mainly about me being a shitty girlfriend. I wasn’t spending enough time with her and not thinking at all about how she would feel if I spent so much time with you.”

Your friend offers to cheer you up and brainstorm a plan to apologize but you decline, instead heading back to your empty apartment where you dial Natasha. 

Of course she doesn’t answer, nor does she respond to the text(s) you send. 

In fact it’s silent on her end for the next week. 

You pushed through your worry and heartbreak long enough to get through your work days only to immediately repark your ass on the sofa and try contacting her again. On top of phone calls and texts you’d had a couple dozen flowers sent to the compound, as well as a giant stuffed Bunny.

Tony is probably annoyed with you but you have a bigger fish to fry. 

Today you decide to just go there. It’s been over a week and you two need to talk. Even if she isn’t there you plan to find out where she is.

You two have to figure this out. Even if she doesn’t forgive you, the both of you need closure on what this means.

When you get to the compound this time the gate is closed so you have to buzz in. It’s Tony who let’s you through.

“Kid the big bunny was genius.” Is the first thing he says to you, giving his fingers a chef’s kiss.

“I figured you’d be annoyed with all the stuff I was sending.” 

He waves you off,“ nah, I’ve done way more for Pepper. This barely scratching the surface.”

“Oh, okay. Um, Natasha isn’t here by chance is she?” 

“No she,” his eyebrows raise,“ is right there actually.”

You turn to follow where he’s pointing to see Natasha walking into the compound. Her name isn’t even out of your mouth before she’s shouldering past you.

This isn’t going to be easy, not that you were counting on that.

Smiling gratefully at Tony, you take off after Natasha. The woman moves quick when she wants to.

“I know you’re mad but making me run is just cruel.” You huff, having to jog to keep up with her.

You make a note in your head to get in shape.

“Natasha for fuck sake just listen to me and stop being so goddamn stubborn.” 

She reels on you, effectively stopping you in your tracks,“ I’m just here to pack and bag and go. I didn’t ask you to come here so you can leave.”

“You didn’t ask but you haven’t responded to my calls or texts. You could’ve just told me you were oaky at least. And I’m not leaving because we need to talk, just hear me out. I-”

The woman goes to walk away but you aren’t having it.

Being the idiot that you are, you grab the highly trained assassin by the arm and push her against the wall, only for her to grab your hand, get out of your hold, and slam you into the wall. 

There’s definitely going to be a bruise on your cheek but you don’t care.

“If you want to beat me up fine,” you speak despite your face being smushed into the surface,“ but at least listen to me first.” 

Her grip barely loosens, only enough to let you adjust your face so your words aren’t muffled.

“Natasha sorry obviously isn’t enough but I don’t know how else to express it. I know now how shitty of me it was to seemingly put Wanda before you but that was never the case. You always are and will always be my number one priority, I just, well, you know I don’t have friends, not real ones anyway and you’re my first real relationship, I didn’t know how to handle that at first.” 

Finally she lets you go, moving herself to the other side of the hallway but not leaving. You take a deep breath and turn around to face her.

“Look, I didn’t realize how much it was hurting you to see me spending so much time with Wanda. To my defense you never said anything and you told me you weren’t the jealous type so-”

She interrupts,“ that doesn’t give you the right to flirt with some other girl.”

“No but it doesn’t help my cluelessness either. Besides we never flirted, ever. Mine and Wanda’s relationship never stepped outside of platonic. Tasha half the time we were talking about you. With how much I love you and how much Wanda looks up to you there was barely room for any other topic.”

Her green eyes roll,“ so you two in the kitchen the night I got back. You were laughing at me?”

“Yes.” No point in lying, she’s already mad at you.“ I was missing you like crazy so she came over to keep me company until you got back and gave me the idea to fix you dinner. We started joking about how bad of a cook you are and hadn’t even started the meal before you showed up.” 

When she doesn’t reply, instead watching you, you get a bit hopeful.

Only for her to walk away. Instead of giving up, you follow after her.

“Tasha please, you can be made all you want but don’t throw our relationship away over one stupid mistake I made. You’re the best thing that’s ever-” 

Her sudden halt in movement has you crashing into her firm back. As opposed to her stumbling forward you stumble back. The woman’s practically a wall of muscle, one of the many things you adore about her body.

Whatever she mumbles, you don’t hear it. She steps further into the room and turns to you. The look on her face makes you frown and follow after.

Every bouquet you bought sits in a glass vase covering every surface of her room, and the big bunny you bought sits in the corner of her bed. 

This isn’t how you planned it to look, not by a long shot, but it seems Tony just put all the stuff you’d ordered for her in here. It leaves the room looking like one big romantic gesture.

“Did you do this?” She asks you.

“No. Not really. I mean I bought this stuff but I had nothing to do with this set up, admittedly I should have, it looks much better than it does in my head. Actually I thought you’d been throwing the flowers away but you weren’t here and so-”

Despite still being a little mad at you, the woman can’t fight the bemused smile on her face,“ you’re such a dork.” She chuckles.

You stop your rambling to look at her. Seeing that smile you love so much on her lips makes you smile. With this better mood you try one more time.

Stepping closer, you grab her hands,“ I never meant to make you feel less important than Wanda or like I didn’t care because I do, I care so much, and I love you more than I could ever speak to. My actions hurt you and I’m so so sorry for that but I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you just give me a chance. Just one.”

Her silence is unsettling. The hairs on your arms stand up in your nervousness. 

“That’s not necessary.” She shakes her head,“ I shouldn’t have overreacted. You did hurt me and I was jealous of the time you spent with Wanda but I never should’ve even implied you were cheating on me.”

“Wait so you forgive me?”

Natasha can’t help but roll her eyes.“ Yes and I’m also apologizing.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for.” You waste no time in pulling her into your arms.“ Just promise to communicate with me. I genuinely had no idea you felt the way you did.”

The woman hold you close, arms wrapping around you as she buries her face in the crook of your neck,“ I promise.”

“God I missed you.” You speak into her hair.“ I am never letting you go again.” 

******

taglist: @wildhoney32 @thelastavenger-3000 @fayhar

[forgottenyogurtgods]

Author stuff:  After much wait, here’s chapter two! I still don’t know how long this baby’s going to be. Everyone’s positive reactions so far is giving me tippy-tappy toes, so thank you!

Possible trigger warning! COVID-19 is briefly mentioned and, ultimately, the lockdown that came with it as well. (I’ll try to post all trigger warnings at the top here. If I don’t, give me a shout. I’m pretty easily accessible on the websites I post on.)

no body, no crime

by forgottenyogurtgods

Summary: [I think he did it but I just can’t prove it. No, no body, no crime But I ain’t letting up until the day I die.]

Adrien is a Swiftie. To be fair, who isn’t? And her Evermore album? Chef’s kiss! Except… one song put an idea in his head and now he can’t get it out.

Inspired by this tumblr post.

Chapter 2/?

Last chapter

Episode Two

Two years ago, Emilie Agreste vanished without a trace. Her car was found abandoned on the side of the road, just outside of Paris. All of her things were still inside.

No one has seen or heard from her since that night. 

The police are officially calling it a missing person’s case.

I am your host, Adrian Agreste, and I plan to use this podcast docu-series to find out what happened to my mother and prove to the world that my father killed her.

This all kind of started with Taylor Swift. 

You know, country music star turned pop singer turned alt-folk-rock singer? The one who’s won an award for almost every album she’s ever released? Yeah, that Taylor Swift.

And you can blame some of my classmates on this, too. Specifically, Mylene and Rose.

I’ve always been a Swiftie. Her music helped me to actually learn quite a bit of English. And my mom used to like singing her music with me, so Taylor kind of has been… important in my life, I guess you can say.

As a Swiftie, I was perfectly obligated to join my classmates in our discord chat to stream the albums together. Because, you know, COVID-19 is a thing.

[Future Adrien here! Hey, if you’re from the future and listening to this, first off, hello! Second, thanks for stopping by. Third, yes, I made this podcast during the COVID-19 pandemic. That was a… questionably strange time. Of being isolated to my house once again — we’ll talk about that later in the series. 

Anyway, back to the show!]

Classes were over for the day, and we were all just helping each other get through our homework. As I said before, Mylene and Rose kind of started it.

And everyone went along with it, because they’re Mylene and Rose. They’re just… I can’t really explain it. You just can’t say no when they ask to stream the latest Taylor Swift album over discord for everyone to listen to.

I don’t think anyone was really paying attention to the music much at first, we were just talking over it. I actually didn’t really notice “No Body, No Crime” until the chorus came in for the last time.

I ended up buying the album later that night and relistening to the whole thing while I was supposed to, umm, be working on my English. Which, technically, I was. Just not in a way that was approved by my English language instructor. 

Anyway, “No Body, No Crime” kind of stuck out to me. And it stuck with me. For a while.

And it got me thinking about my mom again. About how she was never found, and no matter how hard they searched, no new information was ever uncovered. How her case is still open and unsolved. 

Okay, so I think about my mom a lot, just in general, but I was thinking about the night she disappeared and how everything played out after that.

Something… something just didn’t sit right with me. I couldn’t place what, but just that something had been off. 

Things just didn’t add up.

So, like any sane person, I ordered a transparent dry erase board and markers. I also printed out all the information I possibly could when I had some spare time.

And I looked over all of the details that had been available to the media and, essentially, the public. As well as the conspiracies that can be found on Reddit and other forums.

We’ll, uh, we’ll get to the conspiracies in a later episode. Those kind of deserve their own episode. They really, really do.

Where was I?

Oh, right. Getting everything in order. 

I ended up recruiting outside help. Not just my friends, like Nino who is my producer and editor, or Marinette who actually designed a really cool logo for this podcast. I’m actually getting help from one of Paris’s akuma-fighting heroes — Chat Noir!

[Dude, when did you even get a chance to talk to Chat Noir?]

Oh, uh, a couple of days ago.

[Alya is going to freak out. You know that, right?]

Yeah, I, uh, kind of figured she would. 

I should… probably explain who Alya is and why she’d freak out. Alya loves superheroes. More than me and Nino, and trust me when I say we binged the entire Marvel and DC movie universes. So many hours…

Anyway, Alya.

Alya runs a blog — the Ladyblog — that reports on Paris’s own superheroes, mainly Chat Noir and… and Ladybug. She’s been faithfully reporting on everything since day one. News reporters all over the world rely on her for not only information but live footage from every battle.

She has actually been really useful in helping me organize everything. 

And it’s because of Alya that I finally figured out what was so wrong with my mother’s case. The thing that had been nagging me at the back of my mind.

The investigation on my mother’s disappearance wasn’t that deep of an investigation. It barely scratched the surface. It was all for show.

No one was putting in any effort to find out what happened to her. But why?

Author stuff cont’d.:  So! This being kind of a story told through a podcast was heavily inspired by a few true crime podcasts. Most notably In the Dark (both the Jacob Wetterling case and the Curtis Flowers case) and Up and Vainished (the Tara Grinstead case), as well as To Live and Die in LA (the Adea Shabani case).

Also available on

[Ao3]

[FanFiction.Net]

[Wattpad]

[incarnateirony]

So while it’s still gonna be 2-3 days until I get my test results back, I figured I’d give people some insight on stuff about covid testing beyond vaguely yelling that it’s uncomfortable.

1. That CDC list of like 4 sad cold-like symptoms is garbage, that isn’t all they ask you about. Literally if you’re letting your family hold you back because you don’t explicitly have a “dry cough”, or your fever is /only/ running 99.6 so that’s NBD? Yeah, ignore that. Also remember, /people can be asymptomatic carriers./

2. This idea of 6 feet of social distancing really only applies in like, enclosed areas with no air draft. For example, when doing drive through testing, they make you turn off your air conditioning, because the aerosol affect can and will cycle it actively through a vehicle. If you’re exactly 6 feet away from someone that’s a carrier and a big wind draft comes by, it can still blow shit your way. 

Notes on the actual testing process: 

UAB is running drivethru testing in several areas. UAB was also on top of this shit before it ever surfaced in the US while the politicians were denying it, and UAB developed one of the drugs being tested in China with some success. In fact, the UAB infectious disease chief of staff used to like, live across the street from where I am right now. But that’s a whole other aside.

That said, UAB isn’t playing around. Your local institutions may have something similar. Don’t be shy about calling, though find what your *local hotline* is, try googling like “Covid testing near [city]”, because the stupid Health Department loop will send you on a circular circus forever.

In the case of how mine worked, there was a pre-screener via phonecall that asks for symptoms or reasons for concern. In my case, it was a list of things including headache, body ache, dizziness, feeling like I’m living in an eternal hangover, fatigue and yes, finding out we had contact with someone who turned up covid positive.

The last one kinda got my wife throwing a bit of a tizzy because she started arguing in the background they never touched while I had to cut her off, because really guys, I promise, you don’t need direct contact, and I think my wife figured that out at the drive thru process. But that alone IS enough of a keyword to go to the next screener stage.

They set an appointment and don’t want you to show up more than 15 early. In our case, UAB has an emergency radio station that bilingually broadcasts basic starter directions including having your ID ready, not rolling down your window, turning off your AC and, when you DO have to roll down your window, *DO NOT TALK TO THEM*. They know you’re thankful or whatever so keep your diseased mouth shut, because things the CDC AREN’T telling you right now is even asymptomatic people can have such dense manifestation of the virus in their throat that you’re basically just actively breathing clouds of this shit. So keep your face shut, keep your AC off.

I really, REALLY wanted to communicate this part to the crowd because I don’t feel like people are grokking how easy it is to circulate-jet this stuff over public spaces. One motherfucker sneezes near a vent, see what fucking happens.

Anyway, after that they slap a test baggy compared to your ID on your car, flag you forward, then have you call a doc or nurse practicioner that reviews your symptoms and reason for testing again because of test kit shortage. The doc will be outside of your car with an ipad or something like it tallying down your symptoms, reasons and keywords. Don’t lie, but be willing to be a little less than specific, because they KNOW these things are vague but also have to disqualify you. If you’ve had contact with someone that turned up covid positive, *say that*, don’t split hairs over how direct it was; it doesn’t mean That Specific Friend is at fault either, you could have touched the wrong gas station door, but that’s a huge qualifier to get tested, even if they ask who and where, you’ll have a name but GENERALLY SPEAKING THEY ARE TOO OVERLOADED TO CARE. If you have a cough, don’t split hairs over if it’s a wet or dry cough.

And DON’T pass up listing other symptoms you don’t see listed on stupid CDC/WHO/whatever sites. I had introduced it with my 3 day headache, and later on she cycled back to ask again if I had any headache, which I reminded her and yup, guess what, fuck the CDC, that’s apparently a flag checker. Body aches, low grade fever, various coughs, fatigue, headaches-- apparently nausea and diarrhea, though I had dismissed my previous nausea and didn’t have the latter. You don’t need any/all of these tbh, but I just can’t emphasize enough how utterly incomplete the listing is and it led to my own family well-intendedly gaslighting me out of my symptoms which, like, 3 pre-screen rounds later got me put through.

They don’t even just have N-95 masks, they have those plastic visor ones on top. They ain’t playing. Even the cars get distanced where possible. One person per car is tested here and they say if you turn up positive, presume everyone in your household is positive. So like, those numbers you see on the counters? Aren’t really scratching the surface because like, for every test there, that whole family is now considered infected.

The shit’s like the flu swab on steroids. You WILL get a nose bleed. I wouldn’t call it painful but it’s super uncomfortable so like if you’re in it you better damn well commit. Your face will probably feel funny for the rest of the day from nerves being pushed weird, or I know mine did.

Anyway that said, I’m still waiting on test results but I figured I’d put some stuff out that might help people/clarify shit. It IS possible to get testing but you have to search out resources to do it and navigate carefully.

Also check out what methods are being used to regulate ventilator availability in your area and don’t screw yourself. I fully admit I sidelined through my questions when asked if I had previous conditions by mentioning undiagnosed/in pursuit issues causing arrhythmia etc, without deadass being like “Yeah hi we’re pretty sure I have a major heart condition” because in my area, those are the first people denied ventilators, so I’d rather be marked down as generally at risk without being NOBREATHYTUBEFORYOU axed off in the system. So check how your local authorities or med systems are regulating shit and be careful how you phrase things.

I’ve never been so damn thirsty in my life so if this a general flu and not covid it’s still a big yikes. Electrolyte solutions can and will be a lifesaver regardless. Someone I know, their brother got it, and he started losing a pound a day in waterweight despite drinking water by the gallon, so HYDRATE GUYS, HYDRATE.

[lovelylogans]

Do you have any tips on how to write a female character that's majoring in journalism?

oh boy!!!!!! generally, character-wise, people will of course approach things in different ways, so i’m gonna like mention you know said character and the decisions that she’d make better than anyone else, but i’m gonna write about 1. some “character archetypes,” as it were, that comprise a lot of female members of my journalism school, 2. some general advice on personality traits that would likely be useful/realistic for a female journalism character, and 3. what not to aspire to when it comes to writing women in journalism (ie, this section is just gonna be my biggest gripes about how female journalists tend to be portrayed in media.)

let’s get into it!

section one: “character archetypes,” aka the average personality a lot of female members of my journalism school.

a lot of my really great friends are in the journalism school, and their personality types vary greatly. there are so many awesome women in journalism and this isn’t exactly, like, “BE EXACTLY LIKE THIS OR SHE ISN’T A REALISTIC JOURNALIST,” these are just some character traits/personality things that i’ve noticed when it comes to a lot of aspiring female journalists.

curious. always write them as curious. that’s the backbone of being a journalist is being curious and going after the story. they want to know more about the world, they want to know more about their communities, and they want to provide the perspectives for you, or the reader, or the community, so that you can be better informed/make decisions/be aware. journalists, above all, have that curiosity down; journalism majors can rarely stand not knowing things.

(this also means that female journalists, and journalists in general, really, are very tuned into gossip. not even necessarily “he said she said” gossip, though that can be interesting sometimes too, but things like who got what good grades, which professor said this, what internship accepted who? journalists are basically trained to be investigative and dig deep for things; when it comes to, say, two editors being snappy at each other at a meeting, well, you want to know why, in case whatever is affecting them will affect you. again, not necessarily gossipy in a malicious way that can be portrayed sometimes! gossipy in the sense that they’re usually very in tune with their social circle and immediate community, as well as community at large.)

they are also researchers!!! many journalists are prone to the whole “wikipedia rabbit hole” research thing. they dive deep on a lot of subjects, both broad and narrow, and they like discussing these topics with each other, which again, can vary greatly! the biggest mbmbam/taz Stan i know is a female journalism major, and from there she has a very vested interest in dnd, all because it started with a few funny mbmbam clips (okay, guilty, i was one of the two people who mentioned that it would seem like her thing and now she’s way more into it than i am) and on the flip side of that, there are MANY female journalists who have made careers off their interests—film journalists, video gaming journalists, and social media/pop culture reporters all exist for a reason, and it’s likely because they marketed their interest and therefore “expertise” in these subjects and managed to spin a job out of it!

ambitious. so many kids in the j school strive for really great things, which is super crazy awesome, and they work really hard to achieve it. i know people who have netted amazing internship opportunities while they’re in the j school (we’re talking washington post, new york times, cnn, associated press, like, big organization names) and it’s because they have the ambition to achieve it. they dream big, a lot of the time, and tend to have detailed career goals to go with it.

inclined to ethical/moral discussions. there are a lot of ethical questions when it comes to covering news (there’s actually a wyliwf oneshot in the draft talking about one of my least favorite days of the semester that always comes up in class, which focuses on ethical decisions in times of death, major tragedy, or injury, look up “the breakfast test” if you want to learn more about that particular aspect of being a journalism major) but even when it doesn’t come to major disaster coverage, there are still a lot of little ethical questions to analyze in each area of journalism; journalistic ethics is a whole branch of conversation that i (and a lot of my fellow journalism majors!) fall into discussing. it can be things from the disclosing of anonymous sources to what is and isn’t right to photograph and the inclusion of certain sensitive information or ostracizing it and the importance of fact-checking. i think journalistic ethics is a really interesting topic and it’s usually one of my favorite things to discuss; this wikipedia page just scratches the surface, and here is the spj code of etihcs, widely regarded as a base code of principles for most american journalists to follow, but i encourage you to go out and seek other instances of journalistic ethics, because a lot of the time, what is legal for journalists to do isn’t necessarily right.

organized (even if it doesn’t look like it from the outside) or complete disaster

let’s take my friend, who i’ll call a.c. ac has a color-coded planner, frequently works ahead of schedule, plans out her entire day. she is very tidy, very organized, and seems generally put together. we were roommates in the fall semester and she had a tidy room, a set routine when it came to dinners and organizing her stuff, she’s very On Top Of It

and then there is me. ac once looked at me in horror when i was just starting to write a paper the morning it was due and informed me that the way i approach most deadlines is “her worst nightmare on drugs.” i forget assignments a lot and tend to scramble to do things at the last minute, i am a CHRONIC procrastinator, and yet i still make sure i get things done in time. in essence, i know my limits, and the pressure of a deadline tends to be what kickstarts me into starting those limits.

what i’m saying here is that it’s a vast spectrum, but what tends to drive most journalists is deadlines. journalism people are VERY deadline oriented and their approaches definitely vary, but that tends to be what they stick to most. journalists also tend to have perfectionist tendencies, as a sidenote.

stubborn. holy god. like, just look at the way journalists consistently send foia quests alone, for example, this story about journalists using foia to track hospital bed and ventilator availability in illinous (a dive into sunshine laws, aka releasing public records, which is a whole other thing that people very rarely tend to notice as an aspect of journalism but also lead to really big stories, especially if leaked (pentagon papers, anyone?) and just, yeah. check up on the state’s sunshine laws that you’re writing your story in, i think it could provide a real interesting subplot for you.) journalists. are. STUBBORN. i know people who have sat in offices waiting for public officials to come out for the better part of a work day; i know journalists who have sent hundreds of emails to get one interview; i know journalists who have staged stakeout sessions to see how public officials were using their time when they said they were in the office (hey, including me! i stood in a parking garage for three hours in the middle of winter for this exact purpose once.) what i’m saying here is they are stubborn. if there’s a story, they’re gonna dig. it took woodward and bernstein two years from the time of the watergate breakin to nixon’s resignation. most of the time, that stubbornness pays off.

competitive. yeah, remember that whole ambitious thing i mentioned earlier, coupled with the stubbornness above? journalists are competitive. it’s a competitive job market, so that means that many journalism majors tend to strive for those same big name journalism internships. this is definitely part of my j school culture, so i’m not sure if it’s the same at others, but a lot of people tend to examine what internships or job opportunities or professor favoritism or whatever and see what everyone’s doing, because everyone compares everyone to everyone else. this also tends to feed into other things: getting a story, getting good grades, so on. there’s a definite competitive sense to things, i’m not quite sure how to best explain it, but... yeah. journalists are competitive, sometimes. when it comes to women journalists, it can also be interpreted in other ways (”bitchy” is one) but a lot of journalism majors strive for the best.

supportive. 

section two: some general advice on personality traits that would likely be useful/realistic for a female journalism character

a lot of these were touched on above, but i’d also just like to add: they probably have an interest in some aspect of “social justice,” as it were. feminism, ecological issues, economical issues, racial issues—most of the time, a lot of journalists see these real world issues and it’s what leads them into the career. 

there’s also the whole... ugh... fake news media thing, which i feel like i have to touch on just because: i will say fake news is a meme amongst journalism majors, in that we mutter fake news to each other when our professors are like “this class average is so low y’all need to study more” when it’s their fault for not teaching us i won’t go on that tangent, however, i will also say that this whole idea has contributed to spiking rates of mistreatment and violence against journalists. i’ve been fortunate in that the most tense i’ve ever felt in that situation is taking an uber to a journalism assignment in a white guy’s truck littered with american flags and blaring alex jones on the radio, which i was able to lie and say that i was doing something else and concealing the whole journalism aspect, for my own personal safety, but a lot of other journalism majors i know aren’t so fortunate. i know women who have been yelled at, insulted, and there was a girl who worked around the same time as me who got spit on.

female journalists are usually treated more roughly regardless (when i went out for my first story, my editor sat me down and looked me in the eyes and said “someone might laugh at you because you’re young, and you’re a woman in print journalism, and you know what? fuck ‘em.” which was the first time i’d ever heard her swear and also one of the only times i’d ever heard her swear) so they tend to have to double down and really make sure they know their stuff in case they’re ever quizzed on it in a way that male journalists never really are. this is of course not to say that we’re all mistreated, all the time; it’s just something that female journalists are aware of, the way most women are aware of sexism in general.

section three: realism, and also, hey, maybe don’t do this? just because it’s both unrealistic and like. kinda sexist undertones imo

hoo boy. i’m just gonna take it down the list of some popularized media portrayals of journalists that you might be familiar with and outline why each one is, well..... Not My Favorite?

camille preaker, sharp objects

i do really like gillian flynn’s work, especially gone girl, but camille preaker just rubs me the wrong way? it primarily comes from the ethics involved in her whole situation, and i know they did it for ~drama, but it just... okay, here we go. for starters, you would probably not go out drinking with a source, unless it’s at an event, and you definitely don’t get drunk. you try not to interview people you have personal ties to, because the bias can infiltrate through your work. you ABSOLUTELY DO NOT sleep with your source, especially if he is a member of the police force and a primary source on the murder investigation you’re looking into. just...yeah, those two are the main things?

rita skeeter, harry potter

ugh, the way that rowling painted the daily prophet rubs me the wrong way. like, i understand, and i know that it’s probably more a mention of tabloid culture than like News, but it still just?? it’s the primary news source of the wizarding world?? really?? but yeah, sneaking into places (hospitals especially) to get a story is a massive no-no that would immediately get you arrested.

joan calmezzo, parks and rec

look, i know it’s a comedy, and i know that it’s not realistic, and i know that there is definite semblance for the “alcoholic journalist” thing (an editor i worked for once talked about how her old boss hid a flask in the water fountain in city hall so that he’d be able to get it and drink on the job) and statistically, it does show that journalists turn to sugar/alcohol/caffeine, but i just?? journalists wouldn’t show up to work absolutely blacked out, and if they did they’d definitely get fired.

rory gilmore, gilmore girls

the way rory approaches job hunting makes me cringe down to my very soul. in the original series, from what i’ve seen, she approaches it relatively well (applies everywhere she can, networks, ends up accepting a relatively small job that still provides a massive opportunity to report on a major political figure) but in the revival. who DID that. rory sleeps with a source (WHAT IS IT WITH FEMALE JOURNALISTS ALWAYS SLEEPING WITH SOURCES IN TV SHOWS AND MOVIES?!??!?!!? NO!!!!!!!!!) and falls asleep in the middle of an interview (N O !!!!!) and seems to not understand the concept of freelancing at all (really????? you aren’t working on multiple stories at once??? really????) and also just??? completely disrespects the basic semblance of a job interview??? no matter how impressive your resume is, you still come prepared with ideas and answer questions and no job is OWED to you, especially not with journalism being as competitive as it is, just????

the movie “absence of malice”

i know this one is probably less common, as it’s a movie from the ‘80s, but i still wanna talk about it anyway. sometimes, yes, you write about suspects of murder on the front page of the paper, but federal prosecutor’s don’t usually leak info like That (though rosen is obviously corrupt) and you just?? okay, anyway, carter not revealing her source is good, that’s what a journalist would do, however, teresa perrone disclosing personal information and pleading for her not to include it definitely falls under the realm of an anonymous source. the primary aspect of journalism is “do no harm,” and since disclosing what perrone told her would have harmed her livelihood, carter absolutely either shouldn’t have put it in or made perrone an anonymous source. then we get back to the whole dating sources thing (YOU DON’T DO IT!!!!!!) and then you don’t REVEAL THE SOURCE THAT HURT THIS MAN, OH MY GOD, you still have an obligation to protect your sources!!!! also just generally just!!! this movie does explore a lot of ethical journalistic issues but the sloppy reporting in it just puts me On Edge, ya know?

[mara-tevith-solo]

Real Funny - part 2

Something I’ve been slow cooking for a few years, a little all over the place. Some plot pieces aren’t mine, just something I played with.

Trigger Warning; Contains swearing, violence, mentions of nudity

I grinned cheekily before we all left. When we got back, the war was minutes from starting up again. When we finally got the Separatists off of the planet, we were allowed to rejoin the rest of the fleet and I was allowed to walk around in something other than armor. "Isn't that against regs?" That all too welcomed voice practically purred as they finally made their presence known. 

I sat up from the crate I was laying on, smiling broadly "General Kenobi allows me a few freedoms." I retorted, looking up at Wolffe. His expression was particularly warm that evening. 

Without any warning, the particularly sarcastic clone pounced, collecting me into his arms and capturing my lips with his as though they were prisoners of war "Do you have any idea how hard it is to be so close to you and act like you're just another soldier?" He growled against my lips in our secluded little spot.

"I have an idea." I purred in response, smiling coyly "So, your place or mine, Commander?" I asked with a low, seductive tone as I looked up at him through my lashes. We both already knew the answer; as a Commander, he had his own quarters. I still shared a bunk bed with Waxer in the main sleeping area for visiting legions. He left our little spot first, and I followed a few minutes after, taking a longer way around to get to his quarters. As soon as the door closed behind me, he lips were on mine again, his hands holding me against his body tightly. We helped each other out of our clothes and laid in his bed, more interested in each other's company, than sex.

As usual, I woke up before everyone else and was out of the room and hid in the mess, sipping caf until everyone else was moderately awake "Missed ya last night." Hardcase yawned, plonking his tray down before joining it.

"Couldn't sleep." I gave him a tight lipped smile before turning back to my caf. I hated lying to my friends and brothers. But if it leaked that Wolffe and I were... it would end very badly for everyone. He gave me an understanding pat on the shoulder, thinking that my nightmares were acting up again. I mentally beat the crap out of myself for keeping a most trusted vod in the dark.

"Anyone up for Nega-ball?" Cody asked, Wolffe and Rex on either side of him. Three quarters of those in the mess stood up and made to follow the three commanding officers, Hardcase included as he tried to pull me up. When that didn't work, he threw me over his shoulder and made his way after the group.

"Caught a live one, didn't ya?" Fives laughed, slapping my thigh as Hardcase fell into step beside him.

My squeak caught the attention of a certain, maybe slightly overprotective, Commander "What are you doing to Sergeant Val?" Wolffe scowled, coming up from behind the two. He was very much not pleased with how the two were conducting themselves with me.

Hardcase couldn't put me down fast enough as he whirled around, blushing and saluting hurriedly "S-sorry sir, we were only fooling around." His scowl deepened into a glare and he had to put his hands behind his back because, bet you ten credits, he was clenching them into fists.

"It's alright Commander, they're on my 'top three most trusted' list. They didn't mean anything besides camaraderie." I stepped up, approaching him to show that I really was alright while essentially telling him that they were my best friends, topped only by him. I felt the two staring at me, wide eyed, as the Commander deflated a fraction and his expression softened. 

"Get to the gym." Was his parting order before he moved around us and down the abandoned hallway. 

"Dude!" Hardcase exclaimed when the commander had turned the corner, the three of us following at a slower pace.

"How did you talk him out of handing us our asses?" Fives finished, staring at me as though I had grown a third head.

"The Commander and I are friends. He and Master Plo were the first ones to find me and bring me to the Temple. Why do you think I have a grey Loth-wolf on my shoulder?" I tapped my shoulder piece to reinforce my point as they started freaking out, having never made the connection.

"So you're an honorary Wolfpack member?" Fives gushed as Hardcase practically jumped on my back and made me give him a piggyback ride. Bastard. 

"I think the more appropriate answer is that I was adopted by Master Plo as one of his many children." I groaned, my knees shaking with every step. I dropped him unceremoniously with the other troopers as Cody and Wolffe were picking teams. 

"Val, get over here!" Cody called, waving me over as I tried to retreat to a safe spot to sit.

"Nah, I think I'll sit out. Both Kix and Wark look like they'll fill me full of needles if I joined in." I laughed, warily watching the two glaring medics who had had to patch me up last time we had all played Nega-ball. 

He glanced at them, equally as wary "Sounds like a good plan." He nodded, clearing his throat as they resumed picking. "So what's the wager?" Cody asked, hands on his hips as he faced Wolffe and his team.

"Winning Commander gets Val to tag along next mission." Alright, so I was a bit of a floater. Sue me.

"No can do sadly, Skywalker already reserved her for the 501st's next mission." Cody frowned. Wolffe scowled and couldn't resist looking at me from the corner of his eye. "How about this, next time we get leave, winning team gets a day with her." Oh if Cody only knew. They shook on it as all of them stripped off their torso armor and Wolffe's team took off their blacks shirts. I blushed at the sight of Wolffe's barrel chested glory, several small white scars dotting his waist and arms. He knew I blushed at the sight of him, he puffed up almost as soon as I did. The game was certainly as hairy and brutal as usual. Sometimes it was like the clones just kind of disregarded sport safety rules.

Of course, we never went back to Coruscant, instead, moving cruisers so that we could have a better spread in our attack of Umbara. Of course, the Umbarans changed over to the Seppies after their Senator had mysteriously been assassinated.... most likely by the Separatists... but that's just my opinion. The Republic was outmatched, out classed, and out teched, but by Odin, we were going to fight the good fight. It wasn't until the surface of the dark planet that I realized just how much my warnings had gone over the heads of the Council. Krell swooped in and took over command of the 501st, saying that the Chancellor needed Skywalker for some benign reason. 

First thing I did as soon as I saw Krell exit his gunship was hide behind Fives and have a panic attack, bucket removed as I pressed my forehead against his back, mumbling numbers in as many languages I knew, as high as I could go and back. He just stood there, one hand squeezing the one that he had pried from trying to scratch at the chinks in my armor. "Stand in attention, in my presence trooper!" Krell barked in my general direction. Fives stiffened as I quickly put my bucket back on and stepped out from behind him.

"S-sorry sir." I stuttered, still trying to regain total control over myself. I knew exactly what that motherfucker was going to do, and my attempt to stop it, had been brushed aside. 

"What's your number, Trooper." His eyes narrowed as his lower set of arms folded behind his back and his upper set crossed over his chest. He moved so that he was behind me, ignoring the others as they tried to close ranks around me as subtly as possible. 

"Sergeant Val, sir." I couldn't let him know that he bothered me, that he was getting so far under my skin that I was shaking. My head was full of nothing but white noise.

"Are you such a deformed clone, that not only your height and voice are wrong? I asked for your number, Clone." He snarled, stepping closer. I was filled with sudden, blinding rage as he went on a racist rant "You can't even put your armor on correctly!" He spat. 

My resolve rocketed out the window at that last comment as I whirled around, taking off my helmet and getting closer to the vulgar behemoth "I am a woman, General! Are you satisfied?" I snapped, feeling Fives frantically hook onto my belt and attempt to pull me back closer to himself and Rex. But I was planted, I would not back down, willingly or not. "My name is Sergeant Valeri MacCloud, I am from a planet called Earth and I am twenty six years old. I asked, are you satisfied, sir?" I barked, using my best drill sergeant voice as I glared up at the rogue Jedi, daring him to court marshal me, or worse, kill me. 

[calleo-bricriu]

What I want to see is what over 100 years old Calleo and his cards have to say about Voldemort.

The hell do I need cards for that for? I could just tell you outright but, then, I’m sure you’d be back at me going on about how that’s no fun at all.

In the distant past, they’d described him as a bullheaded, reactionary wank cloth who’s prone to having violent tantrums when he doesn’t get his way–I’m condensing that down rather a lot but that was the gist of it; perfectly charming sort until he gets the idea that you think he’s roughly as interesting as watching paint dry.

But, hey, people change and maybe when he’s ready to try again he’ll have improved somewhat.

Which, in his case, would more than likely manifest as just becoming more wildly unpredictable with his meltdowns and moods but, you’ve asked my cards, not me, so here we go.

I wonder if he still does that thing where he tries to go as long as humanly possible without blinking because he could do it indefinitely with a little transfiguration and charms work.

Where was I?

Ah! The cards.

(( Larger resolution image is here. ))

Hermit’s pretty self explanatory; he’s been isolated, and should you find him and ask him he’d likely tell you that it was on purpose and/or for the purposes of enlightenment, introspection and contemplation–hopefully around why he didn’t account for basic defensive Blood Magic but, most likely not that. I know I don’t like to dwell on it when I miss something basic, I like to forget I did that and move on while also keeping it tucked away in the back of my head so I don’t do it again.

I’m going to go ahead and ignore that, all around, when the Empress shows up it she often signifies a pregnancy and considering Voldemort, unless he gets incredibly creative with trying to get himself back into a body (or just possesses the first thing he can manage that’s human) is not likely the sort to be able to get pregnant, which leaves the third option of someone else…letting him…do that to them.

It can also mean that he’ll just make an effort to be a little more creative and inspirational to anyone stupid enough to show up for a second round and with his recruitment efforts but if I had to have the mental image of somebody not only fucking Voldemort but letting him knock the up so the rest of you–and I say the rest of you because I don’t know specifically which one of you asked for this reading so you all get to suffer.

And I don’t think it’s that second one as the Ace of Cups revolves around beginning again which, fair, if you’re half-resurrecting yourself–but it primarily focuses around fertility and pregnancy. Someone is going to let that man knock them up.

Ew.

Getting away from that horrifying set of mental images, the Eight of Wands indicates he’s going to be about as good at being patient and planning things out (complete with contingencies or alternate plans in case the main one fails) as he was the first time around which is to say, not at all. However, since the Ministry is staffed largely by what I can only assume are tranquilised bonobos in suits, nobody here is going to care. Or notice. I’ll notice, I’ve already noticed, but I have enough benzos from Muggle doctors that I legitimately do not care.Or, if they do notice, they’re going to pretend they haven’t so all the progress speed, action, momentum, all that nonsense, is only going to seem speedy to the people who haven’t been paying attention.

The rest of us will have seen it slowly coming since roughly 1982.

He’s got abandonment issues head to toe based on the Eight and Five of cups, which is a large part of what makes him dangerous as, instead of focusing on the cups that haven’t been knocked all over the place and using those to rebuild, all he’s likely to focus on will seem, on the surface, to be a political revolution but that’ll just be a thin and fragile veneer covering the fact that he’s a desperately lonely, fundamentally unhappy, nearly always frightened basket case and that manifests (as it often does) in violent outbursts and an undercurrent of wanting to make everyone else suffer the way he feels he was made to suffer.

That’s not even all that uncommon, you can see it to a much lesser degree anywhere in Knockturn if you stay there long enough or visit often enough.

Queen of Swords is likely to turn out to be his most dedicated defender, coming from a point of power obsession and pity, though if she’s got any brains she won’t ever mention she pities him as it might get her killed, and wants nothing more than to shield and protect him, keeping him from harm; also indicates that she’s married–well, it mentions it in the inverse as a divorce, which would make sense if she’s one of those sorts that were pushed into a family alliance sort of marriage that she never particularly cared to be a part of to begin with.

And, at some point, he may be able to shake off all that flailing about to somehow manage to convince the general public that he’s not that bad, and he’ll do so through gratuitous shows of generosity, charity, investing in community (the community he envisions, at any rate; some of you will have to be his diversionary scapegoats, after all), and while everyone is distracted by someone who’s likely to be able to walk into the Ministry and buy them off with false gratitude, making them feel valued, paying them well, displaying what comes off as fairness unless you scratch the surface, he’ll get to work doing what he wanted to do in the first place.

And what does he want to do in the first place? Get himself into a position where he’s well liked, respected, viewed in a positive light, as a good leader, as someone who is successful, committed, has clear goals, and will lead the Ministry to greater things. This is someone who wants to be loved without having to leave himself vulnerable in the process.

For awhile, he’ll get it, and it’ll seem solid.

It won’t last, however, not for long, because that Eight of Swords is going to leave him feeling trapped, restricted, and lashing out at anyone or anything who he even suspects of holding dissenting views through harsh punishments, executions, imprisonments, persecution, “trials” in front of the Wizengamot that were rigged from the start, and at that point he’ll be at two distinct paths he can take.

I do love the Two of Wands for letting things go in different directions.

First potential path: If he goes that route, he’ll be able to leverage what little political and social capital he’ll have left after that mess I just described and, with a little creativity, should be able to pull it all back together in a way that cements his socio-political views as the new, accepted norm and any rebellion against it won’t be able to gain the following it’d need to challenge him for decades to come.

Second potential path: Nine of Swords circles back to the Eight of Swords, only more intense. Terror, not just fear, seeing enemies everywhere, being the subject of gossip, the narrative of which he will not be able to control as it will be a moving and largely invisible target that is perfectly willing to martyr itself if it means his downfall. As a result, he’ll fall further and further into paranoia, nightmares, despair, and stress, leaving him with an inability to cope with the reality of the situation which will only circle back to him lashing out at anything that comes within range, regardless of who or what it is, and when he hits his breaking point he isn’t likely to survive it.

The card between those two paths, as I was curious as to which route the deck thought he’d take, is a reversed Star.

Hopelessness, despair, the inability to take responsibility for one’s actions being what led them to where they are, lack or loss of trust in those around him and in himself, feeling as though everyone, even his closest followers, are plotting against him.

Considering that, I suspect he’ll go the second route to hang out with the sword filled guy in an egg costume.

Let’s see if one overarching card will give some closure here, shall we?

Regret, refusing help from those who legitimately want to give it (back up a bit and re-read the bits that mention paranoia) because, as surprising as it may seem, there are people who genuinely do care for him–in their own, strange way–disillusionment, becoming even more self-absorbed and depressed, focusing on the fantasy in which he’s–apologies, but I’m going to jump back to how two of my former Archivists often described him–seen as something greater in terms of charisma, success, skill, and political success than Grindelwald.

I watched that mess rise to power and fall from it spectacularly, and my memory has more than enough clarity to state with certainty that the only things I’ve seen that Voldemort is better than Grindelwald at are:

1) Keeping himself out of prison.

2) Being ballsy enough to apply for that Defence Against the Dark Arts position looking the way he did when he got that interview. He had to have known what he looked like, unless he doesn’t cast a reflection anymore and nobody told him how off he looked. Just to note, it’s not that I think he’d have been unqualified for the position so much as he may have come off as only wanting it to use as a recruiting platform which is–one of those things you really need to hide until you’ve got tenure, or at least a signed contract.

3) Being repeatedly thwarted by children yet still having followers willing to both overlook it, stand there with a straight face while he probably blames his wand for it (because they all do, you find any Wizard over 60 that has a spell fail and the first thing you get is some variation of, “I swear this has never happened before! It must be the wand acting up!”), and continue to follow him despite the fact that all they’d really have to do is walk away and start telling people what he’s really like and it’d kill any chances of recruiting anything with any skill or ability to follow through.

4) Talking to snakes, allegedly. Not entirely sure how useful that skill would be but I suppose snakes probably have some interesting things to say now and again.

At any rate, Four of Cups almost guarantees he’s going the Nine of Swords route so it’ll get a bit hairy for awhile but whatever grip he gets on anything is going to be tenuous at best and even holding onto it with both hands his reach is likely going to exceed his grasp.

I never like to see raw talent wasted like that, and he does possess a great deal of raw talent as well as the intelligence to have made it, with right people around him, into something spectacular; it’s just been–misapplied and left in the hands of people who never did have his interests at heart, and it’s easy to take advantage of a kid like that. See it all the time in Knockturn.

Pity, really.

[missguomeiyun]

Blogmas wrap-up!

Merry Christmas, everyone!

At the beginning of blogmas 25 days ago, I stated that on D-day, I would share my top3 experiences with you guys, so here we are~ 

[in no particular order; just my top3 picks]

1. Iced honey Americano @ Cafe TASTE. https://missguomeiyun.tumblr.com/post/189838475461/in-korea-23-cafe-taste

Reason: really liked the chill atmosphere here, from their relaxing playlist to the modern interior to the special gesture of handing out a complimentary treat with every drink order. The drink was also eye-widening & memorable; the pairing of the honey/syrup went so well with the strong Americano.

2. Affogato @ Coffee HanYakBang. https://missguomeiyun.tumblr.com/post/189474957336/in-korea-4-coffee-hanyakbang

Reason: the entire visit was super interesting bcos the cafe resembled a 1930s movie set of some sort! Very vintage-themed, loved the traditional medicine shop-styled decor, & I highly appreciate the owner’s take on coffee & how he views it (like herbal medicine, coffee has a healing effect). The affogato was also yummy!

3. Iced (minus) Americano @ Coffee Finder. https://missguomeiyun.tumblr.com/post/189794740776/in-korea-21-coffee-finder

Reason: I am a huge fan of hidden gems! This house-turned cafe had a cute interior, where they knocked down the 1st floor ceiling (aka 2nd floor ground), thus creating a big hole in the middle of the cafe that spans the 2 levels. Very unique architectural style, where I felt I was like hanging out at home. Not to mention, good coffee!

Honorable mentions for various ‘categories’.

Best “new” coffee that I’ve never had before (2-way TIE!): injeolmi latte from Holly’s Coffee (blogmas #1 https://missguomeiyun.tumblr.com/post/189416814691/in-korea-1-hollys-coffee) & white peach latte from Hold Me Cafe in Jeonju (blogmas #8 https://missguomeiyun.tumblr.com/post/189554807956/in-korea-8-hold-me-cafe)

Best interior design: Dirty Trunk in Paju City (blogmas #7 https://missguomeiyun.tumblr.com/post/189537551521/in-korea-7-dirty-trunk)

A safe-choice suitable for all travelers (solo traveler, friends group, family with young children, love birds): The Yellow Cafe (blogmas #19 https://missguomeiyun.tumblr.com/post/189764212591/in-korea-19-yellow-cafe) This decision was actually not that hard to arrive at bcos 1. it’s a themed-cafe where the main character/”logo” is the Korea-famous banana milk. 2. it’s spacious with a merch section with things to look at, in addition to adequate seating space (plenty of room for strollers or wheelchairs). 3. Interesting menu with classic cafe drinks that are at ‘appropriate’ pricing.

The cafe that I wasn’t exactly disappointed with but .. . fell a bit short compared to everyone else: hot Americano @ Coffee Faktory (blogmas #3 https://missguomeiyun.tumblr.com/post/189455212501/in-korea-3-coffee-faktory). The Americano I had here didn’t suit my personal preference. I love a nice, bold, strong, & long-lasting Americano; however, the one here was very mild.

* * * * * *

In general, I had a lovely time in Korea, exploring diff types of cafes. It was a valuable & memorable learning experience as I got to witness & see their cafes & gain knowledge about their coffee culture. Several things that I found interesting as I became more familiar with the coffee scene (lol! I am sure I didn’t even scratch the surface, but these are just some things I realized/discovered).

- where is the washroom? Rent is VERY expensive in Korea, & you do not want to waste useable cafe space for either coffee-gear or customer seating. Many cafes do not have their own private washroom, but rather a communal washroom that’s shared with other businesses on the same floor or building complex. It’s like semi-private. The washroom could be on another floor in the same building, or across a courtyard, depending on where you are. .. which leads me to my next observation .. .

- leaving belongings behind?! Growing up in Edmonton, I learnt to never leave your stuff behind in a public setting. Edm isn’t that bad, but the idea of leaving stuff behind makes me nervous. Like how many of you have packed up your stuff in the library when you were in university to go grab a quick bite or coffee somewhere (when you’re alone)? In Korea, ppl just leave! They come back eventually, of course, but I have constantly seen my fellow cafe customers leave behind their wallet, phone, laptops/tablets, etc while they go to the washroom or out for a cigarette (both male & females). They’re so trusting!

- very technology-friendly. Wifi is like.. . everywhere. So are plug-ins. I find it really annoying here, where you gotta search & be in that ONE spot bcos there’s only THE one plug-in in the entire cafe. But in Korea, plug-ins are everywhere, & it’s great! Wifi is also public & free :D

- hate to leave things on a sad note, but. .. gotta do it! Are most cafes handicap-friendly? The answer is no. Now, I’m only talking about what I’ve personally seen & making a general statement from my observations. 1st, consider the general landscape of Korea: over 70% mountain, & secondly, “space” is expensive. For the types of cafes that I have gone to: less than half are handicap-friendly. It’s unfortunate but it’s true; steps at the entrance, no seating on main floor or inadequate space on the main floor without an elevator to get to another floor (if it exists), & close proximity of just.. . things! So like .. Coffee HanYakBang is nearly impossible; upper level of Dirty Trunk is no-no (no elevator; just that giant staircase); Coffee Lab (my ultimate go-to) has a washroom in the cafe but completely not handicap-friendly. So.. . *shrugs* that’s just how it is. A LOT of cafes but not everyone is able to enjoy them the same way, if at all.

- Why the coffee scene is so vibrant & ‘big’ in Korea? I get a sense that it’s just .. . a part of Koreans. It’s a lifestyle; cafes or coffee just seem like it’s the best & only option. There are so many cafes (with a high turn-over rate too!) but they’re never empty! Need a quick caffeine intake to keep you going? Coffee. Looking for a place to chill with a buddy? Cafe. Need some time to catch up on your own stuff (studying? reading newspaper?)? Cafe. The sole purpose of the experience - of being in a diff setting for an enjoyable cup of coffee (cafe A is very diff than cafe B, which is diff than cafe C, etc). For me, personally, I like to explore but I also like to keep it cool with favourites, so I belong to this last group.

What do you think? Of my blogmas? Of coffee in your ‘hood? Do you even drink coffee? Why are ‘cafes’ an appealing place / not an appealing place? Does the smell of coffee bother you or is it like the best scent ever? Which was your fav post in this blogmas 2019 series?

[beluageist]

Hi! I was wondering, what programs/drawing tablet/computer/set up in general do you use for your artwork? Love your art btw

Hi lovely Anon! Thank you very much, you’re super sweet :D 

Now onto the supplies question!

Programs:

I mostly use Photoshop CS6 but I bought Clip Studio Paint a few months ago. I’m trying to switch completely to CSP eventually. I do love Photoshop, but it’s a heavy beast to run and CSP is just as amazing to me so far.

For Photoshop, I don’t use that many brushes! I mostly use two default round brushes, a few that I made and some made by other artists. 

For the ones made by others, I mostly use the Stumpy Pencil brush and like 4 brushes out of 500+ from Kyle’s Megapack. I got the Megapack when it wasn’t restricted to Photoshop CC, I have no idea now how to get them to a lower version of PS now since I’ve had them for a couple years.

Links to some brushpacks:

Stumpy Pencil

Kyle’s Megapack

Also for a while, I used Loish’s brush pack (late 2017-early 2018). I highly recommend it too!

For Clip Studio Paint, I got the PRO version on 50% a few months ago. They did another sale a couple weeks ago so I’m guessing they have that 50% off every few months, so keep an eye on that if you want a full licensed software for like $30. I’ve used it in a few of my recent zine pieces!

I haven’t tried out other brushes than the basic ones you get at first boot-up though. Here’s a really good Twitter thread about CSP tips and tricks!

Tablets:

For the past 2 years I’ve used 3 different tablets.

A small Wacom Bamboo Fun (2010 - 2017) This one is discontinued, but it lasted a while and I only had to replace the pen’s nib once.

A medium Wacom Intuos Art (Jan 2018 - Feb 2019) I really disliked that one. I realized I much prefer small tablets, the pen is too light and thin (and I use the side buttons so I couldn’t just wrap it up to make it chunkier/heavier). In one year the surface got as scratched as the Bamboo Fun I used for 7 years. The damn nibs get used so fast, I needed to change it every month.

Now I use a Huion Kamvas Pro-13 and I really like it. This one is a display tablet unlike the previous two. It’s half the price of the Wacom Cintiq of the same size and there’s a lot of good full reviews of it on Youtube!

My computer is a custom rig I made around 6 years ago. I give it another year before I’ll have to shop around for parts to build a new one.

Canvas Set-Up:

I never work under 300 dpi even on stuff that isn’t intended to be printed, just in case I do wanna make prints eventually. If you only post your art online and never print it, the dpi doesn’t make a difference. DPI only matters when it comes to printed work. 

Daily doodles and warm-ups are either on a 1500 x 2000 or a 1800 x 1800 preset canvas depending on the day. Illustrations -- unless for a zine with a template to follow -- are at least 2500px at their smallest and up to 5500px at their highest. Any higher than that and my pc can’t handle it x_x

Thank you for the question and your kind words!

[realrealguylin]

After reading Wild at Heart and also having existential questions like “why am I alive?” “what’s the point of the universe?” “why are things the way they are?” I think what I’m learning is that God gives us this one life and we were made to do something with it. I don’t need to go to far-off countries because everyday really is an adventure, from a certain point of view. 

Adventure involves risk though and in the past few months, I decided to take some, because if I want to move forward in life, there is uncertainty involved. So what does that look like?

Ministry

I am no serving in campus ministry. I’ve been a leader for the past 5 years - it’s the only life I knew since becoming a post-grad. I’m thankful for everything I learned during that time and the relationships I built. Many people who get my update emails are because I was a LG leader. And I think there is always a need for people who want to serve. If I continued, there would be an element of familiarity and stability, because I’ve been around the block and have a general feel for leading at this point. But, as I prayed about recommitting, I realized it’s time for new ventures. There are many unreached people, even here in the AA-Ypsi area, and I wanted to reach them and be amongst them. Do I have strategy for how that will look? Not all. I actually am pretty weak at “apostolic” giftings. But I’m available and I’m going to follow the leading of the Holy Spirit, like Philip in Acts 8, and we’ll see where we go from there. 

I was given advice to just try and explore ways to reach unreached people. So to get some inspiration, I took a trip to Dearborn with some folks and Pastor Mark Vanderput, who does a lot of outreach to Muslims in the area. 

A few things that stood out from the trip was meeting a missionary couple who do full time ministry in Dearborn. We only had an hour with them, but you could tell that we were only scratching the surface of the immersive world of missions. Their knowledge and experience was so full. And just seeing those two working together.. I couldn’t help but think “this is what I want my life to look like one day.” 

I was also thankful for Pastor Mark because he has such a wealth of experience reaching to Muslims from all over the world, including stories of traveling to the Middle East. It makes it easy for him to connect with anyone we met, whether a server or a clerk and everything in between. Although there wasn’t anything tangible we were gonna do to follow up with, it was good as a “vision trip.”

As recently as yesterday I went exploring the Ypsilanti area for opportunities to serve families whether they’re low income or immigrant or both. We were able to talk to a social worker who works at the community center and he gave us a wealth of knowledge about the landscape and opportunities to serve people. We also went to a Middle Eastern store to talk to people who live in the area, in hopes to find out how to meet and love Muslims in the area. 

I wish I could say at this time I already have a strategy and ideas lined up, but in actuality, I’m still figuring it out. It’ll take a lot of prayer and God opening doors. But I’m confident that He loves the people more than I do.

I’m part of the single adult Life Groups now. It’s a little different than what I’m used to, but personally, I’ve been having a good time. We’re going through a series on discovering our calling in this life. I see Life Group as a home base as I live life on a mission. 

Work

In January I got an extension on my contract that will last me till November! This isn’t the job I’ll have forever, obviously, and it’s risky for me to just work till the end with no security in place at the end. That being said, I’m choosing to do this because I just see God’s work in my life through being here. I’ve made a solid friendship with my office-mate Jacob. We can talk about our mutual interests but I’ve also been able to share my faith with him and he’s even come to a Life Group event! Aside from that, I think I’m doing meaningful work for the University and I love my office. I think I’ll be able to learn more about myself and my vocational calling through this job.

Odds and Ends

I’ll be moving out of my current apartment to another one in August! Gonna miss current roommates, it’s been a 2 year run with them and they’ve become my community in various ways. In general, I’m going to miss living on campus. There were so many spontaneous moments of ministering to people and having them sleep over because I lived in such a convenient location. It just wouldn’t have been the same if I was living off-campus. But now I’m in a new season, so it’s time for a change. 

(not our actual new interior, but this is the living room)

I’ll be taking a road trip with my mom! 6/30-7/2 in DC, 7/3-7/4 in Philly, and 7/5-7/7 in NY

[afreakingdork]

Review: Love, Chunibyo & Other Delusions

“ Everybody has had that stage in their life where they have thought themselves to be special, different from the masses of ordinary humans. They might go as far as seeing themselves capable of wielding mystical powers, or maybe even believe themselves to have descended from a fantasy realm. This "disease" is known as "chuunibyou" and is often the source of some of the most embarrassing moments of a person's life. For Yuuta Togashi, the scars that his chuunibyou has left behind are still fresh. Having posed as the "Dark Flame Master" during his middle school years, he looks back at those times with extreme embarrassment, so much so that he decides to attend a high school far away where nobody will recognize him. Putting his dark history behind him, he longs to live a normal high school life. Unfortunately, he hasn't escaped his past yet: enter Rikka Takanashi, Yuuta's new classmate and self-declared vessel of the "Wicked Eye." As this eccentric young girl crashes into Yuuta's life, his dream of an ordinary, chuunibyou-free life quickly crumbles away. In this hilarious and heartwarming story of a boy who just wants to leave his embarrassing memories behind, the delusions of old are far from a thing of the past. “

Finally a show about chunibyo that actually explains what they are in the intro. I’ve watched a few chunibyo shows where I was mostly confused by the concept but generally got a hang of it (especially when it came to Rascal Does Not Dream of Bunny Girl Senpai), but this one is actually grounded in reality. There is no greater power at work, just the delusions of young kids wanting to stand out and be more. This is probably the first time I’ve ever realized that I also had a chunibyo faze in middle school (about the time that most chunibyo happens) and I love that the Japanese have a word for it. It truly is a universal experience I’m just sad it took multiple anime until I came across one that could really portray such. That does’t mean it isn’t without its faults but let’s save that for...

Criticism:

So Rikka wearing a cheerleader uniform was just for perv pandering I guess...? Same with Nibutani being in the cheer-leading club... not that that even lasted long. (though I want to clarify that I’m not upset about the fact that she tried it! It really made sense for her character!) 

Seriously it seems like there are quite a few scenarios (the pool clean-up for example) that exist just to add perv pandering elements

Ugh Yuta’s mom actually suggested that his little sister was jealous of him finding a girl? At least she was having none of that incest bullshit! 

Toka is fucking ridiculously athletic. They try to play it off in a one-liner about how she did gymnastics in high school, but she has been living on her own as a chef for at least 2 years and she is clearly shown to not have much time outside of work. So fucking tell me how she is about to ACTUALLY BACKFLIP FROM A STANDING POSITION ONTO A SECOND FLOOR ROOF?!

Japanese names are ridiculous aren’t they... 

This show just barely scratches the surface of what could have been complete brilliance. I love the message that everyone in this world is just trying to find their place and importance. It’s something that’s been debated by scholars since we as a species came up with philosophy. I love the idea that chunibyo is intrinsic to our growth as human beings, but this message is marred by the fact that Rikka became chunibyo as a coping mechanism for the loss of her father. There is so much beauty and heartfelt emotions in the shot where she finally says goodbye to him, but at the end she has donned the eye patch and returned to her weirdness because weirdness is good? To me that undermines the message of how chunibyo helps you find who you are. I just can’t see who you are is inherently someone who pretends reality isn’t real? Like be weird, I’m all for it, but this is beyond fantasy (even if they try to excuse it with small one-liners about how they realize this, but chose to ignore it...) 

Positives:

The animation in this show is stellar. I truly wasn’t ready for how fluid it was going to be. I thought this was going to just be another quick ‘dash-chug an anime out’ sort of series, but no there is love in these frames. 

I adore that there are a load of female characters and none of them serve as a harem for Yuta! They also have real character development especially Nibutani (even though it comes in small bits of dialog unfortunately... I really liked her character and wished she meant more to the plot) 

I love that when these characters bounce off the walls (literally) or do any wacky anime movement that those things are actually happening. Yuta freaks out and darts around the room when a comment ‘shoots’ him and he actually knocks a bunch of stuff down that stays down in all the next shots. 

This show borders on reality. The shots aren’t overly realistic, but they are gorgeous in their own right. 

Just want to again harp on the fact that this show gorgeously depicts the universal experience of chunibyo, like I’m going to start using this word to describe my middle school years. No one can stop me. I will make them learn the meaning! 

Every time they curse their middle school selves, I receive a bit of my life force back. Knowing others do the same revives me. 

Verdict: 

Check out what I’m watching or other shows I’ve rated here. I also have a ko-fi if you like what I do~

[abundantchewtoys]

HS Epi: Meat p7 reaction

Well, seeing as to what movie I just watched on Sunday. "We're in the Endgame now." :O I wonder if it'll switch back to Earth C before showing us (the tail end of) the Masterpiece scene.

I'm curious to know how truthful Caliborn was about the scene, what he may have omitted from his retelling (the presence of the leprechauns, maybe?), and also how it concluded. I wonder if it'll be told from Dirk's perspective, after the B1 kids have been stolen. He's got the closest connection to Cal and Arquiusprite, after all. I wonder how his perception of his puppet might have changed, too. For all we know, LOTAK might have been ripe with allusions and phropecies regarding the thing, thanks to his denizen. That's another thing connecting him to LE, after all: Yaldabaoth. Just cause he never went into the Lion's Mouth doesn't mean he didn't harvest every bit of intel and backstory. This is Dirk 'Batman Gambit' Strider we're talking about.

---

"The boxing bell is going off like it's having a fit." Well, I did ask for Dirk's perspective. :P Wrong Dirk! Okay, so it seems like the POV will be changing hands like a baton pass on Earth C. That would mean we're in for Rose's POV next, and I wouldn't mind that. Tight-lipped as she would still be even in her own mind's narration about her plans, it'd be nice to see things from her end!

"Dirk has to stick a finger in one ear to hear what Rose is saying over the cacophony of boos and buckets being lobbed toward center stage." Not sure if it would be worse or not for trolls to have thrown that bucket.

"He considers it all pretty fucking annoying, so he flips off the crowd and jumps the ropes. Always a good idea to abscond from the stadium before the customary show-end riot hits full swing." ... So his whole upset-the-audience-into-rioting is par for the course? Dear god, are all his fans hooligans? ... That actually runs pretty close to what happened in AIDS, come to think of it.

"ROSE: It’s not so much “what is up” as “what is down,” the answer to which is, proverbially: Me." Down for the count, not down in the brooding caverns, naturally. You know, since she's ascended to the highest top of the surface.

"ROSE: I mean that both physically and philosophically by the way.

DIRK: You’re down philosophically?

ROSE: Yes.

DIRK: I’m not sure what that actually means.

ROSE: What doesn’t it mean, Dirk." Oh my freaking god, these guys might even be more amazing together than Dave and Rose, it's a sight to behold.

"DIRK: Glad to see that my genetic predisposition for melodrama is still alive and well in my slime-progeny even after all these years.

ROSE: Please don’t interrupt. This is important, and I’ll need all the energy I can spare to sustain even a heavily monologic transmission of the relevant facts." Yes, Dirk, please cut Rose some slack, she only has so few monologues left in her. :P

"ROSE: Anyway, the matter at hand is my “condition,” with which you’re already familiar.

ROSE: I’ve struggled to devise the right way of telling you without causing undue alarm, which would unquestionably trigger the overbearing tendency of yours to “solve the problem” for me, which is not the kind of circumstance my constitution can withstand these days.

ROSE: I can barely lift a wrist to my forehead to telegraph my infirmity, of late. Your bullshit is precisely the thousand-pound feather that could knock me clean through my apartment’s plate glass window." While I don't disagree Rose's condition might be severe, I see she's still well enough to heat a scalding plate of sarcasm. Also, wouldn't Jasprosesprite^2 be better than Dirk at handling her situation? Her feelings for interacting with a clownesk version of herself not withstanding, it's a Rose that already went through the ultimate self thing. Granted, she had fake magic Sprite powers to help her cope, as well as bullshit feline asshole personality issues.

"I’m taking solace in the fact that your infirmity doesn’t seem to have spread to your vocal cords yet." Right, got to remind myself that actual voices are being used to talk with one another. Still not used to it for Homestuck characters doing this when phones are involved. :P The only time it happened in-story was when a "shellphone" was involved, after all.

"ROSE: The bottom line is this.

ROSE: I am ascending, and it is terrible." ... Hmm, could that imply that the Ultimate Self is the last of the god tiers, or pretty high up there, at least? It would take a ridiculous amount of XP, seven years may or may not be enough, but if it's about the accumulation of self-reflection & general knowledge, a Seer of Light would be pretty quick to collect that kind of required boons.

"Rose adjusts her position on the couch with the body language of one about to dive into the latest gossip about a mutual friend. The mutual in this case: her tortured psyche." So the therapist is seeking counsil, in a way, is she? :P

"ROSE: Years of refining my Seer of Light powers have cursed me with what is approaching near infinite prescience. Dwelling in this idyllic post-canon realm has worn down the barriers separating my primary consciousness from the memories and experiences of all my doomed alternate selves, which were forgotten and discarded over the due course of our journey." So that implies they were many, more than we'd assume immediately. There's Dream Rose, Alternate Future Rose, pre-retcon Rose (now Jasprose) & B2 Rose, but it appears there are more still. Well, okay, there's also Reload Rose now, I guess.

"ROSE: As I approach the realization of my Ultimate Self, I cannot stop the extant knowledge from seeping in. I am plagued by near constant visions from the less fortunate versions of myself, as well as a broadening view of the metatextual nature of our existence." She's starting to become self-aware, before you know it she'll be addressing us directly through the Fourth Wall! Well, it's not like we didn't have a smug monologic narrator before. (Did I mean Doc Scratch, Andrew Hussie or Lord English? Yes.)

"ROSE: It drains all of my energy to keep my consciousness focused on relevant events, but even then I am losing my ability to discern what is and is not canonically relevant, let alone what is also true or essential." Well, okay, if she can't even discern between her own life, fanon and fan fiction, she might really have a problem.

"ROSE: And all of this is making me incredibly fucking sick." Rose is getting Homestucksick, is it? :P

"DIRK: Oh. Is that all?" My first thought was: blatant sarcasm. But then... We don't know how far Dirk's powers extend, do we? What shards of his has he had access to all this time, if Brain Ghost Dirk is any indication?

"DIRK: Well, in the spirit of full disclosure,

DIRK: Same." Ooooooh, wow. So it's the same for him? If he was nurturing the mother grub of all splitting headaches all this time, no wonder he pisses on the whole audience experience every time. While he would have more experience juggling disparate experiences, it was already a strain on him back when it was just him and Dream Dirk. Can you imagine him having to jostle Arquiusprite's thoughts & desires, or god forbid, some part of Lord English' experiences too? ... Okay now I'm curious as to what it's like for Dirk.

... Dirk's Ultimate Self experience would have been one of those things I would have liked to see speculation of, back on the old forums. But alas, we're archival readers now, not serial readers. It was not meant to be.

Got to say though. If it's this hard on the god tiers, how must it be for Terezi? Because I'm pretty sure post-retcon Terezi forced an ultimate self revelation on herself through her mindy thing.

It might be that Mind is the aspect best suited at handling all these inflows from doomed timelines and conditional experiences. Or it might be that Heart is, they're related aspects, and Heart is supposed to stand for Soul. It just might depend on where you think the self is defined: in actual experiences, or in the potential for them, realized or not.

"DIRK: We are suffering from the same condition, Rose." So... Does this lend more stake to Dirk's idea for backing Jane, or is it just one of those situations where he can't discern the right course of action any more, that Rose was referring to?

"She allows several rare conversational beats to pass in silence between them, to process the admission." That's how you know things are grave, when Dirk and Rose stop talking.

"DIRK: I guess I used the wrong phrase. You are suffering from it. I am adapting to it.

DIRK: I already have, really." No, wait, THIS is how you know things are grave: when Dirk insists he's got a handle on things. "Adapting", like he's the AI version of himself, not the human version.

"ROSE: When were you going to tell me this?

DIRK: When you were ready.

ROSE: So you have determined that I’m ready to receive this rather critical piece of information now, of all times?

ROSE: What distinguishes the present from the other moments you could have mentioned it?" Well, isn't today the day that things become relevant again, Rose? April 13th? :P

"DIRK: Wow. Well, when you put it that way, it makes me sound like kind of a dick.

DIRK: But I guess it isn’t far from the truth, either." Well, you already sound like kind of a Dirk, most of the time, so

"

ROSE: Unbelievable.

DIRK: Look, it’s not something you just spring on people that frivolously.

DIRK: “Hey folks, just so you know, the boundaries of my awareness are coming apart, and now I know almost everything, about everyone, everywhere.”" "I can see into forever!" Okay, so it was more Dirk's low self-esteem springing up again. He was waiting for someone to "get it" and make the first move. So, is the omniscience thing coming from Arquius' unfathomable depths of AI? Or its connection to Doc Scatch???

"

DIRK: “Also, the process should be tearing my body apart, but actually I’m handling it quite well. Thanks for the concern though.”" Imagine Dirk as the dog in the "This is fine" image.

"DIRK: There will be time to explain all this.

DIRK: Despite whatever appearance of callousness I’ve maintained in withholding this information from you, I actually do have your best interests in mind. I don’t want to wear you out on this call." Gotta say, omniscient Dirk working behind the scenes with whatever boatload of narrative information he has on hand is both assuring and worrying.

"DIRK: For now, I’ll just mention that I’ve been alert to your problem for some time, and I’ve been devising a solution which should permanently remedy it without compromising the boon of your expanding consciousness." ... Definitely tipping back into worrying. It's for the lack of kernelsprites on Earth C that I'll give Dirk the benefit of the doubt, for now.

"DIRK: Would love to tell you, but I’ve got some work to do. Why don’t you stop by my studio later so we can hash this shit out in person." ... I dearly hope his solution isn't: "Here, upload your consciousness into this Rosebot. There! All the limits of your feeble immortal biological coil, removed."

So, Dirk (and Jake) have a studio, Rose has an apartment, Dave 'n Karkat 'n Jade a hive, John a house. I wonder if Jane has ended up owning a mansion of sorts (the White House doesn't count... yet).

Also, Dirk hashing things out is funny, because of Dave's former sylladex mode: hashmap.

"

DIRK: Right now, you should get some rest." Hmm, Blaperile has some theories rest might help her condition. I wonder if, through sleeping or some other process, Rose might be able to actually 'act' through her alternate selves. What if she could make contact with Reload Rose, send her some bits of the bigger picture without overloading her with information?

"ROSE: Actually, I’m feeling oddly invigorated suddenly. I think I’m good for more exposition, if you are." ... Okay didn't see that coming. Either she's scathingly sarcastic right now, or we're in for a treat.

"DIRK: Can’t say I’m surprised. But no." Nothing to perk up Rose better than the promise of secrets not yet revealed, I guess!

"ROSE: Have I caught you at a bad time?

DIRK: Nah, but there is an election coming up, and my work as a political operative is going to be absolutely essential for the fate of humanity." See, Rose could think Dirk is being falseful, but she's nearing omniscience so probably not. Still, Dirk is forgetting to include other species' fate in his calculations, not just humanity's.

"ROSE: I see. Wheels within wheels, I assume?

DIRK: There are always wheels. Wheels are everywhere.

DIRK: They aren’t my wheels or yours. The wheels don’t have owners or designers, but they do have caretakers.

DIRK: They won’t keep turning on their own without someone to grease the mechanism." This is turning into a Dave metaphor again. ... But hmm, that's a mechanics metaphor he's using. Is that a reference to that Rosebot I theorized about... or Arquiusprite? Cause if Rose could act through Reload Rose, Dirk could act through either his Reload self or Arquiusprite! Here's to hoping there isn't a shard in Lord English influencing his behaviour, or reading his every thought and intent.

"the full brunt of the sunset: purple and orange, blending brilliantly on the horizon." I see what you did there. Yes, Dirk and Rose's first actual conversation was brilliant.

"She’s right about him, he thinks. While his ecto-daughter views herself as having a somewhat deft artistic hand that lends itself naturally to a gentle push-and-pull style of influence, Dirk knows his methods are mechanical, like those of an engineer. There is nothing adaptive or interpretive about his method. Every piece has a purpose, a slot, an interlocking mechanism that is functionally pointless without the whole." Yes, it's been pointed out on occasion Rose is quite elegant in her ways. Those ways don't include tidying her room, but still. With the visuals being used to describe both of Rose 'n Dirk's different takes on influencing people, I am reminded of how Names in the "Practical Guide to Evil" story feel different for each person. For one, like putting on a tailormade pair of gloves, for another, like observing the methodical churning of a machine. I already felt quite a few times reminded of Homestuck while archive-reading PGtE (not done yet!), it's only fitting it now goes the other way around again.

Also, thinking about the wheels metaphor has gotten me thinking about LOHAC, and now I have the Clockwork theme from the Medium album stuck in my head.

[moonlight-at-dawn]

Any recommendations for your followers things outside your main passions on Tumblr? (FFXV and Full Metal Panic!)

MOST OF MY RECS ARE SO OLD I CAN’T MAKE GRAPHICS FOR THEM AHHHHH

BUT HERE!!!

Video Games

Mana Khemia ~Alchemists of Al-Revis~

PS2/PSP

Robust NG+, Multiple Endings, Character Affection

Part of the Atelier series of games and my personal favorite of the lot

Cry with me over Cat Dad Sulphur

Atelier veterans can be amazed over PLAYABLE!!! PAMELA!!!! (and her SKILLS!!! SHE’S OP!!! AS!!! FUCK!!!)

Infinite Undiscovery

XBox360

Writers are Shouji Gatoh (Full Metal Panic!) and Ryo Mizuno (Record of Lodoss War)

NG+, an amazing postgame dungeon that can make you cry if you’re as attached to a certain character as I am

Canon romance is realized before the end, so you get to experience some of it in more than just a ~happily ever after~ way :3

Fantastic cast, lore, cutscenes, an interesting battle system that I personally love and can be challenging at times, especially during the obligatory “separated from the party” section of gameplay

I can’t count how many times it made me cry okay

Lunar Silver Star (Story/Harmony)

multiple systems, best bet today would be PSP -Harmony version

A fucking CLASSIC, every JRPG fan should experience it AT LEAST ONCE

Okay I’ve sadly never watched in Japanese but TOMOKAZU SEKI’S FIRST(?OR DAMN NEAR?) ROLE WAS AS KYLE OKAY, I LOVE HIM, HE’S MY FAV SEIYUU

Disclaimer: Some of the humor… has not…. aged well… I realize. There’s some slightly predatory-gay/predatory-trans tropes in, but not every character views those random NPCs that way at least??? Jessica doesn’t seem to mind the trans priestess at least?

Look, I’m one of those people that tends to love the mascot characters that everyone else calls annoying, and I WILL DEFEND NALL WITH MY LIFE, YOU WILL RESPECT HIM, GIVE HIM FISH, AND THANK HIM WHEN HE RESURRECTS YOU GODDAMMIT XD

(And hug Nall in Lunar 2, Ruby isn’t as useful as he was, but she’s cool too)

Maybe I’m a baby but again, I cry, multiple times lol

LOVE STORY OF THE CENTURY, ALEX AND LUNA ARE GREAT AHHHHHH

Atelier Series in general

I recommend Mana Khemia first and foremost, but most of the Atelier games have their own charms :3

They all tend to have some angst, yes, but are ultimately feel-good and 💖~

Not as scary as all the time limits for jobs might seem. The time is very generous as long as you aren’t screwing around until the last minute lmao so it is great for casual gaming~

AUTHORS/BOOKS (I have a fantasy bias lol)

Tamora Pierce

I started reading her books something like 20 years ago, and I still enjoy them to this day

I bias towards Tortall books, but the Circle of Magic is also amazing (and one of the main 4 from it is a lesbian POC blacksmith~)

My favorite set is the Beka Cooper trilogy. These ones were also a bit experimental in style, in that they’re written as diary entries aND SO!!!!!! GOOD!!! It PAID OFF BIG TIME, I WAS BLOWN AWAY

Mercedes Lackey

I’ve only indulged in her Valdemar/Velgarth novels so I can’t speak on her other series’ bUT

I seem to have a thing for when authors break out of their comfort zone lol because my favorite of these are the Mage Storms trilogy. This one is very broad, focusing not just on Valdemar, but the main character is actually a Karsite (the historical enemy of Valdemar), and the Empire also plays a big role and just, ahhhhhh, I love seeing more than just Valdemar and the Hawkbrothers and Shin’a’in ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Magic’s Price ;;o;;

Brandon Sanderson

I’ve only just begun to scratch the surface of his books lol

His Cosmere books all interlink so when you read outside of wherever in it you started, it’s really cool to see all the similarities and the few worldhopping characters that make appearances in multiple worlds

HIS WORLD BUILDING IS FUCKING IMPECCABLE OH MY GOD I COULD JUST STUDY HIS WORLD BUILDING TECHNIQUES FOR MONTHS IN FACT I HAVE BEEN

Really amazing and diverse cast of characters, social aspects of the ‘verse is almost never divorced from the characters, their experiences, and their story. It’s really amazing to see it all~

Magic systems involve clear rules for manipulation of existing forces. Things don’t happen just because ~magic~

Stormlight Archive is where I’ve started and I’d also highly recommend it just because I cannot stop loving this cast and revisiting it over and over and over I’ve listened to the audiobooks like 4 times and they’re all between, what, 38~52 hours long?

Even when you might not like a character at first, revisiting their story is just… HNNNNN NEWFOUND LOVE AND APPRECIATION

ELHOKAR, I’M TALKING MOSTLY ABOUT ELHOKAR

One of the spren in this world, the Cryptics, represent “the fundamental mathematics by which natural phenomena can be explained” tO GIVE AN IDEA OF HOW ROOTED IN REALITY THIS STUFF IS LOL SANDERSON GOES HARD HE DOESN’T FUCK AROUND WHEN HE BUILDS HIS WORLDS

Uhm…. That’s mostly it for my recommendations I think lol, I don’t really watch much in the way of TV….. (I’d recommend NCIS seasons 3-11 though - Ziva David is my reason for life but her leaving made it hard for me to continue and then the writers broke their fucking promise not to do her dirty while she wasn’t around and while it made for a beautiful story for DiNozzo’s departure, THEY DIDN’T HAVE TO DO THAT)

and when it comes to my taste in anime, it’s fairly easy for me to find stuff to reblog lol… so…

WELL NO, HERE

SWORD ART ONLINE

YEAH I SAID IT

It’s “cool” to hate on it but it’s not nearly so bad as people make it out to be. People just like to spread vitriol about it because it’s popular, and you know how popular shit gets treated like the fucking devil around here. Asuna’s not some damsel in distress not even when she’s a prisoner in the ALO arc, she’s always got her own agency and is always working towards her goals and freedom and victory

And wtf is this nonsense people like to say about Kirito cheating on her?????? HE DOESN’T. HE LOVES AND RESPECTS HER AND HE DOESN’T FLIRT WITH OTHER GIRLS YOU GUYS JUST DON’T HAVE A SENSE OF FUCKING HUMOR APPARENTLY CAUSE YOU THINK JOKING = FLIRTING

Anyways, great romance, I love the iconic line from BEFORE they got together when he says the whole thing about “Wouldn’t [learning something new about the one I love] mean that I get to love them even more now?” like HE’S SUCH A FUCKING CUTIE

*coughs* Don’t let the hate that spreads around about this (or anything else really) deter you from checking it. Wipe your minds of what you hear and let it stand on its own, decide for yourself how feel. Don’t go “Oh I hear they reduce Asuna to a crybaby in s2″ and then see it that way because it’s what you expect to see. This is a THING, by the way, if you get told something is great or bad for whatever reason, you’re a lot more likely to see it that way. So just, keep that in mind, and try to empty yourself of preconceived notions before looking at it, k? K. That’s my last recommendation for this post lol cause I’ve rambled on forever.

Let things stand for themselves, not on the backs of hearsay.

[butyouvealwaysbeenthecaretaker]

Rationalism: Pros & Cons

I’ve been toying with both adding “rationalist adjacent” to my Tumblr bio, and attending an IRL meeting – but I’m feeling very two-minded. The pros are so powerful and important – but so are the cons, and I’d venture to say the cons are actually worse.

I think it would be good to come up with a new label for a certain sort of Rationalism. The diaspora is very big, and like many social movements, has a lot of different splinters. I’d like to use a new term for “the bit of the diaspora I like”, because there is so much here I don’t want to be associated with. And so much I do.

I really like what Rationalism means on Tumblr, and how I understand it from participating here. We could call it Handmedown Rationalism, 2nd Generation Rationalism, or maybe there is a term for it that I've not encountered. Maybe the term is "Tumblr Rationalism", although I am not positive that using "Tumblr" as a prefix will communicate kindness and gentility well. "Kelseyan Rationalism", perhaps.

You get a radically different vision of what Rationalism means depending on...

You mostly read EY and Less Wrong

You mostly read r/ssc

You mostly read theunitofcaring

You actually live in San Francisco, and these people are in your social structure, not merely your news feed

It's very important to me to communicate "I believe in a kinder world, and want to be part of making it happen". Rather than "statistically, white people are better, and consent isn't evolutionarily sound" or "The biggest issue of our time is a hypothetical technology's hypothetical behaviour, and if you don't sign your children up for cryogenic freezing you are a lousy parent".

I've been researching and reading for months now, and I don't think I can use the term because there's such an huge iceberg of esoteric ideas below the surface, and too many of them are silly, terrifying or wrong. But I think most people who've encountered Rationalism through Tumblr are in a similar place about what they want to communicate when they say "Rationalist", and what they think "Rationalist" means - or want it to mean.

Is there another word? Can we make one?

Under the cut, long post of my “pros and cons” of adopting the label…

Nice things about Rationalism

1) Discourse norms which make me feel comfortable and supported to participate in discussions. The only people I feel entirely safe around on Tumblr. Both: people I always feel safe commenting on or reblogging, and people who rarely if ever put distressing content or behaviour in my newsfeed. The sorts of complex conversations and big ideas Social Justice promised - but no one is yelling at me or weaponising social shame.

2) Evidence-based reasoning, and a call to be open criticism, change your mind, listen to those you disagree with, and back up your positions.

3) Optimism that we can change the world – much needed, in the face of cynicism and apathy. Beautiful traditions like celebrating the eradiction of smallpox.

4) Social structures offering alternatives to the traditional role of religion: whenever core Rationalist bloggers write about their lives, I am deeply envious. Co-living, people who are united by shared values and vision, social norms favouring neuro-atypical people, etc. I would like this in my life.

5) I really like the idea of stepping away from the “Culture War”, because it generates “much heat but no light”. There’s an important kernel of truth there, about focusing on facts and productive work over clickbait and quick wins.

6) Some of their low-level issues are salient for me. This includes – attempting to have a more generous approach to men as a group, a general fear of Social Justice norms, and a belief in experimental self-care/improvement regimens.

7) I really grok Rationalists. I'm on the same wavelength. They're people I want to spend time with. Rationalism makes people happy and gives them purpose; that's always a good.

I think most tumblr people who use rationalist/rationalist adjacent are primarily communicating 1 & 7. They have discomfort with social justice norms: they want the discussion, politics and tolerance, without the shouting and death threats. And they intuitively see Rationalists and think "ah! my people!"

Unsettling things about Rationalism

Pretty much everything in this category boils down to “it is most rational to act effectively to achieve a stated goal. Too many Rationalist community tropes encourage extremely inefficient approaches.”

1) Missing the wood for the trees. Or focusing so hard on the wood you walk into a tree.

Like: politely playing footsie with fascists. There is such thing as too much civility. It’s good to be open minded and question your assumptions – but life is short. I’m OK with calling scientific racism a settled conversation so we can move on to something more important and productive. Like: a lot of the background noise about women, relationships, and consent. Sometimes things can’t be explained from a pure rational stance, and it’s uncomfortable to watch people try. How comfortable am I being associated with a group which includes Robin Hanson…? His writings about rape are - simply awful.

I do not for one moment wish to be mistaken for a person who agrees with those articles, or believes racism deserves a fair hearing when repackaged to sound sciency.

Every group is like this, right? But it's an odds game. I'm OK with identifying as a feminist, because I know our fringe crazies are safely on the fringe and small in number. With Rationalism...the fringe is putting the best ideas into practice effectively, while the core writings and influential figures are so far out the Overton Window they've actually hit the ground and started walking.

2) There’s nothing more stupid than a man who believes he is very clever.

“My idea is more logical than yours” functions a bit like “I’m more oppressed than you” in Social Justice spaces. If the space holds the value that “the most logical argument is king” or “the most oppressed person is prioritised”, then you don’t actually get rational debate or equality. You get a stick everyone tries to use to get ahead. Too many people presenting themselves as clever, not enough actual humility or uncertainty. When more status is granted for Writing Clever Worldbreaking Things, it encourages overconfident pseudoscience instead of authentic, accurate doubt.  

Also: factoring in emotions, impulsivity, and irrationality is a vital part of getting the right answer when it comes to human beings.

3) Subcultural norm against participating in politics. Political engagement is an important tool for changing the world. It’s not perfect, but it’s what we have – ignoring it is dangerous and daft.

4) Related: subcultural norm for starting from scratch over participating in someone else’s project.

The world is changed by those who do the dishes and take minutes at meetings. Lots of big-scale Rationalist projects attempt to duplicate stuff that already exists, or re-invent the wheel, instead of improving something imperfect and building on work already done. The Libertarian streak encourages this attitude towards government, and the urge to set up parallel agencies and initiatives – instead of working at the grassroots. Which is not glamorous, but it is effective.

5) The wrong goals.

You can change the world at a local level – whether that’s pressuring a local store, supporting local people, writing to councillors, becoming a councillor. Focusing on existential risk is…well, to reuse the phrase, it’s a lot of heat and no light. Masturbation and no money shot. Debates without answers, actions, or measurable outcomes. In short – it’s bad activism. Martin Luther King won by focusing attention on a particular cafeteria protest, a particular bus company.

6) Poor use of power.

Rationalism appeals to some of the smartest and most influential people on the planet – well-paid people in tech, who are ambitious, courageous and motivated. I’m pretty furious and horrified the ideology channels this energy towards AI Risk rather than, say, global warming – something which is definitely happening, hurting people right now, and could absolutely benefit from that passion, innovation, money, and a Libertarian alternative to government dawdling. Tech is – worryingly – powerful in the ways that governments are powerful; if you’ve developed a ideology which connects powerfully with people and makes them believe they can save the world, it’s a crime to then tell them to LARP about with imaginary robots. Like Elon Musk and Jeff Bezos farting around with Mars rockets instead of nuking wealth inequality, or setting up top-quality schools in deprived areas, or eliminating HIV, or…

7) Feels like a dodgy pyramid scheme.

“We should pledge to give a percentage of our income in effective ways to change the world” – brilliant! “We define ‘effective altruism’ as ‘AI research done by the founder of our movement’ – even though AI research has minimal impact, and our founder has no credentials.” Hmmm. Also "thank you for donating to our group for teaching Rationalist thinking. We have now decided to change our focus towards the aforementioned AI research. Alas, it's so speculative, don't expect measurable results or accountability for this - just know your money has been well spent, saving the world."

I think it’s very ugly to fill people with beautiful feelings, and then channel them into giving you money.

I think it's unsettling that Rationalism provides community for people who are outsiders, who are disabled, and who have scrupulosity issues - then says "good people in our community donate to our founder. It is the most rational action, and the only way to save the world."

Like, you have a captive audience of people who have - at long last - found their tribe. They're very vulnerable to social pressure which may lead to exclusion from the group. They're motivated by the idea of acting rationally, inspired by purpose you gave them to go out and make a difference - and experience acute distress at thinking they are not doing enough good. Do not. Squeeze these people for money. You asshole.

I don't think it's deliberate - but it's still wrong.

8) I like what the Sequences stand for – but not the Sequences themselves.

Learning how to reason, how the mind works, learning critical thinking, developing flexibility and introspection are all excellent. But I want to learn that from original texts by the best thinkers in the world. That is pretty emphatically not You Know Who.

9) Related: Amateurism.

In theory, I like the idea of teaching individual citizens how to use statistics, analyse scientific papers, how to run experiments, and tailor their own medication etc. In practice, these fields have experts in for a reason. Someone who attempts to use statistics, and does it poorly, is far more dangerous and worse off than someone who does not pretend to know, but trusts a reliable source. Core-Rationalism frequently includes people making definitive statements and presenting themselves as an authority, and being very overconfident about their expertise.

(A lot of this is neurodiverse stuff, right? Setting up your own grandiose project from scratch; being an auto-didact; mistrust of traditional authorities; being very clever etc. I’m too ADHD to function, so I can see where it’s all coming from – but it’s hardly optimised for efficiency or outcomes.)

10) There is no such thing as a safe community, and getting these things right is very difficult.

However, it is discomforting how many people close to the heart of power have credible abuse accusations against them. Also, how one of the key Rationalist organisations responded to an abuse accusation, with an inadequate internal process which concluded everything was fine. They’ve since backtracked. That’s not enough for me, because abuse scandal management reflects your innate understanding, bises, beliefs and background. You can’t backtrack when you realise that it looks bad, because the original misstep continues to reflect your group’s true values.

Also, the wider movement has a lot of beliefs which lay the groundwork for abuse: mistrust of feminism, economic approaches to dating, gender and sex, evolutionary psychology and pseudoscience, key figures arguing that rape is nicer than being cheated on...

11) People who say "I don't like Social Justice", and lowkey mean "I don't like feminism or being nice to transsexuals". Rather than how I mean it: "I don't like being frightened or walking on eggshells, I don't like how rage and shaming are totally OK, I don't like how inflexible and bad faith ideas are, I don't like how I've seen it used in real life as a weapon to gain power and control. I don't like bullies."

We are on the same venn diagram, but not nearly enough of an overlap. (Given the choice between a nasty person who supports my rights, and a kind one who does not, I choose: cutting off contact with humans and never leaving my house again)

12) Rationalism is a mere degree of separation from a lot of online movements and subcultures which are definite problems. The resurgence of polite scientific racism; anti-progressive pushbacks on LGBT rights and feminism; some of the MRA stuff, some of the incel stuff; treating Trump/politics as a dinner party debate rather than an active threat...

Can one promote Rationalism, without accidentally building these movements too...? It feels too close, and wilfully blind.

13) I want what the Rationalists I follow have. When I think about attending the local meetup, I imagine an evening spent with reddit users who think racism is very clever, and use phrases like 'not technically rape". How can I even consider adopting a label when I figure the odds are like...70/30 in favour of the rape Nazis? I do not imagine meeting people I would like to leave my child with. I do not think I will find an IRL mirror of for the cool, compassionate, nerdy people I follow online.

If you even have to ask "what percentage of this group are likely to be rape Nazis?", your have your answer.