#this is why i wanna do that self indulgent thing
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chat i dont think i can explain this one
#i wanted to do a clothes-swap with all three (yall know who) but then i ran out of juice DFGHJD#why did i learn how to draw if not to make things that are self-indulgent and caters only to me#and sometimes you wanna dress em up like little dolls DFGHJD#dungeon meshi#chilchuck tims#sunnysidedraws#sunnysidedoodles#sunnysidemeshi#described#id in alt text
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Sorry for the lack of posts, have some more headcanons!!
#MYYY self indulgent V headcanon number 234 is that shes a huge fucking dork#i.e she was a huge bookworm as a worker#well she was a dork in general#reading. painting. dancing. all of it#but alot of that. was kinda things she had to leave with the rest of her. when she became a Disassembly Drone.#And while alot of her died in the manor. she still kept some things close.#and one of those things is reading!!!#she cringes at like 90% of what she used to read but still goes out of her way to reread the copies she finds or is given#N usually gives her copies#She acts like she hates it but still reads them alone anyway#theres a reason she has bad eyesight and its because she reads with the book 3 inches from her face in the dark#also Uzi probably makes her read Twilight at some point and laughs the entire time (they both hate it. Uzi just likes messing w/ her)#anyway i just like the idea that in a world where V is finally allowed to start her life again#she looks for the things she loved that she had to leave behind#and finds new joy in them as who she is now#she might not be that little worker anymore#but shes still the girl who loved to curl up in the library when no one would notice. reading any book she could get her hands on.#idk i just like the idea that V deep down is still just a girl who wants to have fun.#i just want her to be HAPPY#anyway do you guys wanna hear why Chappell Roan's “Pink Pony Club” is so V code- (i fall down the stage stairs)#murder drones#serial designation v#serial designation n#uzi doorman#also for context ive never read Pride and Prejudice despite meaning to#its just one of the only actual romance books i know off the top of my head#imean no offense to it. I just like joking abt V reading romance sdkfjkldsjf
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this is your reminder to make ur cringy n self indulgent art bc cringe is dead and you gotta live life (I say, despite the fact i still feel a bit cringe but im being so brave abt it)
lettin myself post n do more art for myself so apologies for the more selfshippy art than usual
#artswin#tsp narrator#tspud narrator#selfship#oz rambles#in the tags oz rambles go brrrrr#been hyperfocused on the numbers for a while recently which is why ive been pretty low if uve seen sdkhf#but im starting to feel better so in an effort to let myself feel better im doin more self indulgent art#with these types of things i usually make myself as a generic gray human instead of my sona (or recently my sona fusion)#(the sona fusion has my white swoop but black irl hair)#but making this made me remember how much i love drawing myself with narry n i dont wanna get rid of that#i only made the generic gray human art just bc i wanted other ppl to insert themselves which i still wanna do#but at the same time *I GOTTA LET MYSELF BE CRINGE MAN THIS IS MY OLD GEEZER I CAN BE CRINGE FOR HIM*#anywho if yall havent seen my updated intros recently. i selfship with the narrator (specifically virgil) in a bff/qpr way#so it might look hella romantic and couply occasionally were just a couple of besties /pos#gonna tag it with a selfship name tho just so i can access my posts on it easier#n so if yall wanna block me n my cringe for any reason then feel free! /gen /nf#naroz#digitalmuse#(or smth idk ive seen ppl have pretty cool selfship names so i wanna try smth similar but who knows it could change) :P
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Lily colored glasses
Get it cause— cause— ca—
NEVER LISTEN TO THIS SONG WHILE DRAWING THOSE MFS IT’LL RUIN YOU /j
#flipping their color palettes like WHO TF ARE YOU#I’ve had this thought since last year actually#finally wanted to draw something super self indulgent tho#Lys looks like count Olaf core here but hey what am I to do#I had a really fun time drawing Gus tho#‘Hey babe why did the flowers wilt and die when you walked past them’#<- and he’ll still kiss him on the mouth#just ignore all those red flags king 💙#I got lazy with the flowers lmao#they also both don’t have their coats on#tbh just because I didn’t wanna draw Lys’ weird fluff thing on it#his hair put me through enough hell /hj /lh#professor sycamore pokémon#professor sycamore#lysandre pokemon#team flare lysandre#perfectworldshipping#rainbowpufflez art tag
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Y’know the whole “Peter and Elias are constantly marrying and divorcing” thing well consider: Jonpeter on-again off-again toxic affair.
#help why does my ipad wanna correct ‘well’ to ‘we’ll’?? like my Guy. my Friend. that is a real word already#like bro What Are You Doing?#they love each other but are both allergic to expressing their emotions#(and also jon’s sad loneliness from having his one (1) close relationship be this? tasty as hell)#also jon is a bitch and peter is constantly showing up late for dates or ‘forgetting’ to do things or leaving without warning for months#(btw when i call jon a bitch it is with nothing but love in my heart. he’s so special to me.)#so they fight a lot and it’s a whole fucking Thing#elias tolerates it in the hopes that jon will get marked but has made it Crystal Clear to peter that he better not pull any shit with jon#it’s a matter of institute gossip#jon and peter are both very private however they do not do Subtle.#if they get invited to a gala there’s a 1 in 3 chance someone catches them snagging in a hall#a 1 in 3 chance they’re caught having a vicious fucking argument that’s theoretically about peter not doing the laundry#(but really about jon feeling neglected)#and a 1 in 3 chance they’re caught doing both. sometimes at the same time somehow.#it’s a fucking mess ever since they started having an affair they can’t handle being at the same institute event#elias had to permanently ban them from attending together (which mostly meant jon cause the lukases are donors)#will put this in the#jonpeter#peterjon#tags. but not the main tags#obligatory no martin or j//mart please and thank you#i’m gonna level this is just self-indulgent nonsense
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i am plagued....with.......
I D E A S
#WANNA MAKE THINGS BUT WORK EATS ALL MY TIME#AHHHHHHHHHHHHH#gotta do like four comics for rat sons#and more character intros#and then i also got an idea for rottmnt au/fanfic/comic/not sure yet that is super self indulgent and im excited about#and everyones posting turtle babies ideas which normally i dont really make fankids (tho i love seeing them!) BUT WOULDNT YA KNOW IT#GOT THOUGHTS TM ABOUT AN 03 LEOSAGI BABY CHILD THAT I THINK IS REAL CUTE#AHHHH#TOO MANY THOUGHTS#I WANNA SHAREEEEE#WHY DO I MAKE ART SO SLOWWWWW
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2005 - Pit crews acknowledging the camera(because I think they're really endearing)
#renault crew being super silly and friendly w the camera vs mclaren crew scared of the camera#this is very self indulgent but that first gif is what pushed me over the edge and made me make this post#the others ive had sitting around since january bcs they showed the pit a lot during the french gp but i didnt end up posting them#but then i clipped that 1st one(during the brazil gp) and ngl i think it actually might be my favorite thing ive ever clipped from a race#i almost just wanna post the the full clip just on its own bcs i rly genuinely cant stop rewatching it#ITS SO CUTEEEEEE#the way the guy next to him(before the gif) points out to him that hes on camera#so he looks over and winks and then the other guy shoves his face down LOL#this is why im rly glad i watch races fully bcs then ever once in a while i come across clips like these that own my heart#hugging these gifs squeezing them biting them#watching these old races for my blorbos: the renault pit crew#renault#2005 brazilian gp#2005 french gp#formula 1#formula one#we do a little bit of f1#mclaren
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#IM NOT DONE!!!#When my mom got sick and died- during that period I only watched Bonanza. It was my escapeism. It made me happy watching it-#it made me laugh during a time my life was falling apart around me. I was loosing the person most important to me -#I dont remember much from that time but I do remember how much I watched that silly western and how happy it made me#and that's what it means to me!!! that's why Bonanza is so dear to me!!! and it breaks my heart that I was scared to be more self-indulgent#with it. I was led to believe that I shouldn't like it. That I was strange for liking such an old show. My closest friend made feel weird-#about it. So Bonanza being my fav show was like... my little secret. I felt if I told people I liked it they wouldn't wanna be my friend.#Then Juni became my friend and she just changed all of that. She swooped in and just 'Hey you should be more self-indulgent!'-#and I remember thinking 'Is that okay?' She encouraged me about everything. About drawing... about Bonanza... she made it possible for me t#do things i thought were impossible. Like traveling to the US alone and go to a Bonanza Event?? She changed my life.#Made me realize it's okay to be self-indulgent. Made me realize liking niche and obscure things is NOT wierd.#as you can tell im very passionate about this#Juni came into my life during a very dark time and she changed my life and she changed me#and now im sitting here giggling and drawing this silly stupid cowboy from this silly old western#AND NOW IM REAL ANNOYING ABOUT BONANZA HEHEHE
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My most interacted with fics:
Cocky Bastard Vibes (Zhongli)
Tipsy Tales (Anemo boys)
Why He Rejected You (pt 1)
Telling Them Off (Ayato, Venti, Xiao)
A Sight to Behold (Yae Miko)
Obvious (Neuvillette)
Simple (Alhaitham)
What Destiny Has Brought (Fischl)
Why He Rejected You (pt 2)
Blasphemous Assumptions (Zhongli)
#personal#cocky bastard vibes is the least surprising thing on this list. it's the fic that convinced me to turn off my notifications haha#if you're a fan of this fic tho you can expect the spiritual sequel to be getting posted as the next chapter in the bookkeeping!series#tipsy tales is also not surprising. tumblr really likes low effort posts like those#i'd really love to expand on xiao and the traveler's one someday#why he rejected you (pt 1) shocked me when i first posted it because i expected people to hate it haha#i posted it to make a point because i was feeling petty at some of the character portrayal i was seeing#another reason i was shocked is bc pt 2 has all the popular characters but did worse than pt 1#i thought itd be reversed#telling them off is really shocking tho bc other than the ayato fic the other two fics SUCK HAHA#venti's is barely anything and xiao's portrayal is SO BAD. 'secret identities' is a way better portrayal of him#a sight to behold is also shocking because the genshin fandom on tumblr only like men#this fic is my most self-indulgent of them all because i am a SIMP. i really like the sequel to this fic tho#for 'obvious' every time i read that fic i'm surprised at how decent the ending is bc i fully admit i rushed it#but it's a typical romance (atypical for me) so it's not surprising it's on here#'SIMPLE' PISSES ME OFF. THAT FIC DOES NOT DESERVE THAT MANY NOTES. made me so mad 😡#'what destiny has brought' tho... that's the most shocking. like don't get me wrong it's a good fic but.... FISCHL??????#fun fact i literally cannot stand fischl. she's so irritating. i wrote that fic bc i couldn't stand the ending to her summer fantasia event#'she truly became fischl' BUT SHE'S LITERALLY NOT FISCHL??? she's living a lie???#she pretends to be someone else because she hates herself so much. instead of encouraging her delusions shouldnt we like???#give her some self-esteem and show her amy is worthy of love?#BUT THAT'S JUST ME#anyway 'blasphemous assumptions' is not surprising. it's not my favorite but it's definitely of the funnier in the bookkeeping series#out of all these fics 'what destiny has brought' and 'obvious' are my recommendations#one day i wanna do my lowest ranking fics because those are my favorite
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how to stop thinking any good thing someone says to you (like compliments or being proud of you or other positive expressions such as these) is a lie just to be polite or bc they're biased and thus can't judge you work and your being objectively bc they love you. asking for a friend
#lovebombing won't work on me i will automatically assume there is an ulterior motive there#i may be off on what it is. but i won't trust it either anyway#(joking btw ik i'm not immune to abuse tactics. that's actually part of why i'm vigilant to all that i think)#(but not only)#i think my main issue is i know in my heart these things can't be right. the bigger the compliment the less i believe it#bc i'm below average and so is anything i create. propping it (and me) up as smth unique feels disingenuous#in my heart i do want this like i wanna be told nice things but they usually make me feel worse lol#bc i still think i'm shit and now i feel like i can't trust that person either.#(still. if someone is mean to me or even just harsh instead. i will cry)#also while this is already very deep and digging into my core the next tags are gonna dig into therapy level deepness lol#i think this is actually why i only want ppl to be sexually attracted to me honestly#smth abt it being like. a physical reaction. makes it easier to believe for me#also smth you can express smth you can do to prove it beyond just saying words#(i will sometimes still doubt it when i have a steady partner of any sort lol like i'll ask if they just indulge me or actually want it)#which is why it's fucking me up sm that i'm getting uglier 🥲 i'm already not great - being trans and fat limits a lot of your options - but#things are getting even worse lol 🥲 who knew that was even possible#all this isn't really a very good base to stop hating yourself. so my self loathing is only getting worse every day#thus making any good word harder to believe. and the cycle continues#. yknow when i started typing this post i did not expect to go on for this long#i am on these sleeping pills that make me lose my filter i'm sorry 😔#vent
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what are some major events that happened in your lord eclipse au? and do ones similar to canon like old moon sending him a wither storm go differently?
is there special events that eclipse, Sun, or that one of the followers made around him? does he have activities he likes to do in general?
OH MAN. I'm gunna be honest, I'm actually not entirely sure about the first question?? The timeline/canon I have is very loose and changes from scenario to scenario, but I suppose a few events that are pretty consistent are "The Centipede-ening", Eclipse's fall from grace (isolation from his followers due to boredom) with unwavering loyalty happening somewhere around that time period, Moon n Lunar show up... and then i Guess they release the wither storm?? Though, I do like to replace the wither storm with something that isn't. The Minecraft Story Mode Wither Storm LMAOSJWLDK
After that, though, I usually divide into two different outcomes from there and either go "Sunvant dies and slowly heals in the afterlife with his Moon, Lunar, and Bloodmoon" or "Moon and Lunar takes Sunvant back home with them and he slowly heals in the main tsams universe." Both are varying levels of angsty and bittersweet so he has to endure Healing Horrors no matter what LMAO
ALSO YES ‼️ I actually started making a small list of events/important days for Lord Eclipse's world (before getting distracted so there's only one date on it LMAO 😭) but I imagine that some days were sort of... pre-installed?? by Eclipse, like his primary day of worship (which is June 1st bc that's when he first started existing!), but some events may be entirely made by the rest of the followers! I just. dunno what those events would be yet LOL. I could also absolutely see Sun making his own personal special days that revolve around Lord Eclipse just so he feels like he's especially faithful tbh!
#asks#anon#lord eclipse au#I HOPE THIS SUFFICES LOL 😭#there's several more ideas i have that are either just... too small to mention or i'm just unsure if i actually wanna implement it#like monty saying something to sun that he—as sunvant—havent ever told monty and he's like#what? why do you know that about me?#and monty's like ah. uhm. just... forget i ever said anything.#sun asking lord eclipse if he'd ever get his own stained glass window someday—'you know. since you've appointed me as your servant?'#and lord eclipse immediately shuts down the idea with a guilt trippy 'why would you want such a thing? you'd take attention away from me.-#-do you want to make people forget who they're supposed to be worshipping here?'#OH OH#IVE ALSO THOUGHT ABT THE IDEA OF THERE BEING A GROUP OF DISSENTERS THAT WANT TO DETHRONE LORD ECLIPSE AND SUN ENDS UP JOINING THEM SOMEHOW#i have never thought of a single good ending for that idea tho LMAOOO 😭#it always ends with Sun cowering under the furious gaze of Eclipse while surrounded by the bodies of all the people who had been involved#POINT IS: THERE'S SEVERAL THINGS I ENTERTAIN THAT I DONT RLLY TALK ABT BC. SHRIG#MY OWN SELF INDULGENCE COMES FIRST WITH THIS AU I WONT EVEN LIE SORRYSJSHSJFN#centiclipse#sunvant
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sara is actively wrong and is heavily flawed btw and that’s why i love her <3 i want her to quit her job <3
#saraverse is poignant to me it’s self indulgent and fun and i love it w my Heart.#godddd i really wanna engage w how it ties in to the rest of inazuma too#bc the thing is izm has that problem of like. character cliques vs a character cast#which is why saraverse is so fun!!!!#obv we have sara and the artki gang#BUT there’s also scenes w them a kzha and ymya#i don’t know if i’ll add the kmistos bc like. if i’m honest i do not care for them very much.#and i think it’d be more poignant if ei’s appearances were extremely sparse yk.. (shows sara’s development)#:’)#gi#saraverse#sara
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me: we should encourage people to write even if they think it’s “”self indulgent”” literally it doesn’t matter as long as you’re having fun!
me to me: not you though
me: not me though
#i literally wholeheartedly believe cringe and self indulgent writing is a stupid concept#and yet every time i want to write something which caters to my interests#i’m like why are you doing this you’re the only person that will care about it#like. i just want to make stupid posts about my favorite characters doing my hobbies or reacting to my other favorite media#i just wanna write fun things even if they’re tropey and formulaic#and i feel GUILTY about it???#ugh#misty.txt
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#keroro#i love this. she is me. i can live my unbridled amounts of cute aggression towards him THRU HER#i literally need to do this irl#like i just skimmed ep 64 bc i was curious about this trauma switch thing and ive never wanted to grab him and whack him around more#in an affectionate way not because im mad at him oh no. i understand him so deeply. i feel him. i know his most inner psyche.#and he inspires unrecorded levels of senseless violence in me#me in my little ignoramus bubble writing a 4 pages dissertation on his character anyway bc like. i get him ok#his deep seated sense of guilt that he's constantly fighting against. that he needs to repress and deny in order to function.#his fear of abandonment. fear of never being enough. not being able to make up for it. for himself. thats why hes self sacrificing#his selfish childishness that comes from not having been allowed a lot in his youth. taking friends for granted in his past but knowing -#you dont fit in with them. constantly apologizing for yourself. taking space. too much. self indulgence. because friends is s scary concept#and yet one you couldnt survive without. letting them walk all over you. denying your anger. your fears. crawling back to them with a smile#at their feet and biting time because what you really want is friends. company. but you think you don't deserve it. deep down.#maybe u dont. your worst reminder the friend you love. and if they ditch you it's deserved. you don't need them (you do)#why am i rambling!!!! he has ruined me. if im wrong dont even tell me bc i prefer this version in my head anyway#*charlie voice* look at me. psychological trauma up to here#im not saying growing up poor with a father that shames you for your interests and ''disciplines'' you made him selfish but. no yes!#i am saying that. bc i know how it is. growing up with friends that have a lot that u can never afford. u feel guilty just being with them#ok we strayed a lot from the og post which is just me saying I WANNA PUNCH THIS GUY SO BAD (he is me)#keroro gunso
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Also me loosely researching the classical music industry in japan and finding some westerner getting ripped to SHREDS in some reddit post. I was legit reading this comment aloud to my coworker bc I was aghast at how brutal they were being (but also kinda amused bc they were. Kind of right.)
#speculation nation#i say loosely researching bc im not going for 100% realism in my self indulgent band au fanfic#but i still wanna have an idea of what the real life music industry looks like#the original asker was someone who was like 'i wanna combine my dreams of being a professional musician & living in japan. any tips?'#tho like much longer than that. talking about the plan they were thinking of and all that shit#there were ppl who were like 'literally Why Japan'(bc of anime probably)#& then the brutal reply from someone living in japan that tore INTO it#one of the biggest things being that Most people in professional orchestras in japan are japanese. for several reasons#like paying for visas not being smth the orchestras would wanna do. just easier to keep with ppl from japan#this response detailing how they could Possibly go about this if they were legit serious#but then being like 'but thats not why you want to do this is it?' & calling out the weird glorification of japanese culture#and i was just like Dammnnnnnnn#me and the employee both being old anime fans who are learning japanese for the enjoyment of it#but neither of us having any illusions about japan being the end all be all & thus wanting to Move There#id love to visit someday but i dont want to Move There. it's apparently pretty hostile towards foreigners overall anyways#but yeah i almost felt bad for this person. but Also. this response gave me some very useful info for my research#like yes sorry OP that u just got murdered. but this person just supplied the info i was looking for so Hell yes
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on the one hand, i really like working on the script for this video essay. on the other hand, it feels like im just being super negative and and a hater towards the entire toh fandom because they like making their dolls kiss
#im not trying to intentionally bash ships? but I also very rarely care about ships so#im worried this is just gonna come off as “ughhhh I hate fandom because theyre' always shipping stuff and I hate shipping”#which like. thats a little true but I actually do wanna talk about things yk#like why is this ship popular? why is this ship loved/hated by the fandom?#i dont know#like i spent 3 pages tearing into goldric for being boring and only existing bc people love snarky teen mlm#which is like. its true but also feels unecessarily harsh lmao#i dont knowwwwwwwwwwwww#i need more people to bounce ideas off of maybe#bc i am not super involved in the shipping side of fandoms#ive chatted w/ some people but mmmmmmm#idk. im definetly gonna ask if anyone wants to beta read my script but only once I actually. finish it#currently im like. maybe 3/8 of the way through it#lilac post#idk. feel free to talk 2 e about it in the replies of this post or smthn bc I loveeeee this topic#it's also like. The issue of. I feel like I'm making a big deal out of nothing#like someone's gonna come in here and he like “why are you being such a hater we're all just playing around and having fun leave us alone”#I'm not trying to bash any ships!!!#im just trying to be like okay here's what the ship#it's difficult to say what I'm doing#because it's partially A. Documenting of toh fandom and shipping culture#and B. Social commentary about that culture#which is kind of like. A weird balancing act#and it comes back to how much of what I'm complaining about actually matters?#At what point does it turn from thoughtful commentary to me bitching about the general fandom as a whole?#It's kind of difficult to explain what I'm even doing which is mmmmmm#Like does this actually matter?#then again. People make videos about stupid internet drama all the time and that definitely doesn't matter so#maybe I can be self indulgent and a bit of a hater#sigh
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