#this is why i totally get it when non white people are like. i'd rather have a doctor my own race

[nat-20s]

you know the saying "never trust a skinny chef" which is mostly tongue in cheek? I also feel that way about doctors. If they're too skinny I would prefer they NOT provide my main medical care. Fat bitches are much more likely to understand

[vhstown]

writing neutral readers; a guide

(neutral = unspecified gender, race, appearance, etc.)

hi hi here's vee, the one of (hopefully) many neutral fic writers for atsv, showing YOU how to write a neutral reader for your character x reader fic!!!!

this is mainly about romantic x reader fics!!

lil disclaimer: you don't have to write neutral readers if you don't want to! this is just for people who do and might want some advice :) all of these are what works for me — there are plenty of ways to write a neutral reader!

contents page for your sanity:

avoiding white-coding

being gender-neutral

re-direction / re-phrasing

my general thoughts and opinions

before we get started: why are neutral readers great?

inclusivity! a lot of the times it can be hard to find a fic right for you especially if they tend to be for a certain demographic

forces you to think outside of the box — you can't rely on describing the reader, so you have to describe character interactions more creatively (as you'll see me try to do a lot in this post 😭)

helps with immersion! a lot of the time overly-descriptive reader inserts can make it hard to... actually insert yourself into them

your fics can reach a lot more people if they're neutral (though this is just an added bonus lol)

some colour-coding for your wellbeing: blue = general advice + examples, pink = my personal input

1. avoiding white-coding

this is a big point i'd like to address first because it doesn't get talked about enough! and all of this is in reference to a post i saw like a week ago lmao

i haven't seen this term being used a lot but the general idea is when a piece of writing is catered towards a white reader (usually implied through description)

this is usually done unintentionally but avoiding white coding is an important part of writing totally neutrally!

general things to avoid

describing physical attributes such as hair + skin tone

for example describing hair as silky/smooth implies that it is straight + excludes the majority of other hair types / styles etc

also things like running your fingers through your hair can be impractical w certain hairstyles

i tend to just avoid hair in general ? if you want you can focus on other gestures (hand holding, cupping readers face or sumn)

or just reverse the roles entirely and have reader do the comforting gestures to the canon character

skin tone is definitely more subtle however it can be implied especially through things like blushing

people with darker skin tones DO blush, but it generally tends to be less visible or not at all

instead i tend to describe the feeling rather than the outward changes (face getting warm, getting flustered, heart rate increasing, sweating, stuttering etc)

2. being gender-neutral

okay this admittedly can be difficult to write sometimes

the general rule for a gender neutral reader is to avoid referring to the reader as male or female AND any physical description specific to a certain sex

gendered terms

some people like to use they/them when reader is referred to by other characters

instead of boyfriend/girlfriend you can use partner

i personally don't do these things as you'll see in my next point about re-direction!

there are PLENTY of gender neutral pet names in english

for languages like spanish which have masc and fem versions of words i tend to use nouns (usually non-living or abstract) which have a set gender (such as my heart, my love, etc — one of my favourites is cariño (darling) because it doesn't change based on gender)

though again i rarely write terms of endearment in other languages so i suggest you do your research!

physical terms (sfw only)

also for body inclusivity

again this mainly to try and avoid implying fem!reader but also body types just a tiny little bit

i tend to avoid mentioning body shape but if i do then i use something vague like "shape of your body" rather than "curves" or anything specific

you can just write down the body part without describing it physically (chest, waist thighs, etc)

eyelashes are ... unisex! no way!

you might want to avoid makeup but this is just a *general* suggestion

i tend to NOT describing clothing choices unless it's relevant to the premise of the fic — usually vague references like your school uniform, pajamas, shoes, favourite shirt, etc

you can also cheat this if reader is wearing the other character's clothes 😭 next point re-direction WOOO

3. re-direction / re-phrasing

(a personal choice of mine + totally optional)

re-direction is when you change the focus of a sentence in order to get rid of any words descriptions that may take away from the neutrality of the reader (as you see me talking about in the little pink text everywhere or in the little suggestions in blue)

Re-direction can be used for anything! I think there's a book that exists that uses no words with the letter e and a book that uses no pronouns at all (but don't ask me what they are because I have no clue)

It's not particularly easy or straightforward all the time and you might have to change more than one sentence but re-phrasing your writing can be a good challenge! (if you choose to do so)

for me i tend to re-direct to avoid using any sort of third person pronouns (he/she/they etc) or gendered terms and to avoid using insert tags like y/n

example on pronouns & gendered terms

for pronouns i usually change "he/she/they" to "you" or a noun

"She's not welcome here" could become "Your friend isn't welcome here"

Or the sentence may change entirely to convey the same meaning. The woman turned to you, speaking one simple command: "Get out."

I also tend to use more masc / neutral terms in casual settings like "dude" or "bro"

I also avoid the use of "partner" (though this is just nit-picky) ex. "Is this your partner?" might become "Oh, [character] talks about you all the time!" (entirely dependent on context and if you care enough lol — one of the less clear-cut redirections)

while you could obviously use they in this scenario i personally don't out of preference (to me they/them is an nb set of pronouns if the gender isn't ambiguous and blah blah blah) but it doesn't really matter

example on insert tags

"(Y/N), wait!" can become "Hey, wait!"

Or you could use "your name" rather than a placeholder. He called your name, running behind you. "Wait!"

like i mentioned before things like clothes and favourite foods all tend to revolve around the character rather than the reader. in a lot of cases writing about the foods the character likes or wearing the clothes the character owns can actually be more immersive than inserting your personal preferences into a pair of brackets (in my experience at least)

4. general thoughts and opinions

one big thing i wanted to point out is that it's actually good for your writing to "ban" yourself from using certain terms and descriptions. i find that i focus a lot more on describing events, emotions and character interactions rather than being caught up on the reader.

fem!reader and masc!reader are GREAT too! amazing beautiful wonderful keep writing those — but i think gender neutral readers help to avoid a lot of biases that might (albeit unintentionally) come with a specific gender

and being inclusive for all kinds of readers when you're writing a neutral reader is so important!

to conclude

if you exclusively write one type of reader that is absolutely fine :) write what you want and be happy doing it

neutral readers are GREAT but so difficult to write so pls don't worry if u mess up sometimes 👍

i am still figuring out ways to make my writing more inclusive and i wouldn't know without other people's input! so please feel free to drop ur personal gripes or advice

this post is subject to edits (cuz i always forget to add something and it is very ranty spammy random lol)

this post can be found in the "favourite posts" section of my navigation (pinned)!

reblogs r appreciated if u found it useful <3

[savefrog]

Hi! I shouldn't assume that being a longtime follower means I know you but I gotta unfollow anyone engaging in "vote blue no matter who" rhetoric and figured I'd say so on my way out. You have every right to do whatever w electoral politics and I agree there's a level of pragmatism to voting. But like, are you saying that about the USA Dems?? They're bombing Gaza to the point of genocide as we speak! Even if you're not proud of that fact, what would be the aim of such a vote? I doubt anyone of any party committing war crimes can be pushed by freely given votes, no?

You're welcome to unfollow. But essentially I'm entirely on the pragmatism end here.

Me saying vote blue in this case is not going "woohoo ok dems i love everything you do, do whatever!!!!"

it's a matter of "red quite LITERALLY wants to remove all ability to protest and say this shit is wrong".

see summary of Trump on shutting down the ability to protest

blue is not entirely clean on this matter either but i would take getting run over by a motorbike over getting run over by a truck.

I would like to preserve the ability to say the government sucks ass and while I totally get where people are coming from when they don't want to vote dem...I'd say that abstaining from voting to "send a message" is akin to complete silence in this current election climate especially considering the stakes, and there are a lot of other ways to get a message across that isn't passively allowing the literal white supremacist in - who by the way said BIDEN of all people was too soft on Palestine and that he wanted Israel to hurry up and "finish the job":

source (It is also recorded on various other news sources)

Though frankly I agree with this quote here, from an article that is also critical of Harris and Biden:

“Trump would be the worst,” Asmaa Nimilaat, 50, said from a hospital where thousands of people are sheltering in Deir el-Balah, an area in central Gaza. “But any candidate that becomes president will not support Palestinians.”

The USA as an entire machine is so heavily invested in Israel it's hard to imagine a pro-palestinian president ever being elected. That is why I said the election is "picking your opponent".

The ideal situation is a complete rework of the US. As much as not voting FEELS like protest here...it is not going to do anything meaningful in this regard. It is indistinguishable from a non-vote from someone who couldn't get off work or was screwed out of an accessible voting location by red bullshit or just skipped out of apathy.

But we can at least not let the guy in whose ideal is to restructure the government to only allow fascist kiss ups in, heavily criminalize any opposing voices and militarize against them, has already set a new standard to allow the executive branch to do "What the fuck crime ever", and continue to use poc and lgbt in the US as a scapegoat and target of violence to radicalize his people. And then CONTINUE to protest and make pressure.

By all means I'd say no matter someone's plans for the actual voting day, TELL democractic nominees you're undecided and will not vote if they don't call for a ceasefire that lasts more than 10 minutes.

You can do whatever, but im personally not interested in a situation I see as letting conservatives take what is already bad and making it 3000 times worse and 80x less improvable and I guess I would encourage others if they can stomach it to make that same consideration rather than treat the election like a moral pageant. If they truly believe not voting will actually send a message, cool. But I want people to think really hard on whether it will. And then for the love of god don't stop at just voting.

If anything I encourage people to vote dem in state elections if only because there are dems right now trying to make ranked voting a thing, so that we can finally be free from having to vote dem at all and actually make it viable to pressure them in ballots!!!!

[namedafterflowerstournament]

based off your recent post about anti-propoganda (which i agree, totally sucks btw. if your choice is so good, why do you have to crap on the other one?) i was wondering, why don't you like the hunger games? i personally haven't read the other book that was on the poll, but i just looked at the summary and it looks super cool!! i'll have to add it to my list

if this is a bad question/makes you uncomfortable feel free to delete it! i'm just curious, i'm not trying to be mean or anything. have a good day!! :)

Hi ! Thank you for the question ! As long as they're respectful, I don't think there are bad questions, at worst it would be a question I'd rather not answer and it wouldn't make it a bad question at all.

There are several reasons making me against anti-propaganda : people don't know the media they criticize and assume inaccurate things and manage to spread misinformation that way, it can hurt people's feelings when it's quite virulent, it's always easier to criticize than to praise, it encourages harrassment and can create a negative atmosphere and tensions around the polls while people declare which media in a poll is the shittiest.

About The Hunger Games, it's mostly personal but not only.

Just so we're clear, I don't hate the books.

Spoilers ahead.

Bear in mind, I was about 12 when I read the first book. I think I was 13 when I read the last one, since I'm pretty sure it was a while before the first movie came out

I loved the first two books when I read them. I was reading them at the same time as a friend and it was a lot of fun to compare our impressions and screaming at each other through texts as we get emotional about the parts the other had already reached.

It was one of those books I read at night while I should have been asleep, keeping an ear out for my parents so my book didn't get kidnapped by the authorities

[spoilers]

One of the complaint I have -which I didn't really have then because I was a white kid and not as sensibilised to the big issue of POC rep in mainstream media- is this :

There are two characters who are explicitely dark skinned in the books (it's been a long time so I may be wrong about one but I believe he was)

Both die in the first book. I know many characters die in Hunger Games, that's kinda the point, but I still don't think it was necessary.

The movies casted a Black actor for another character (I don't think the character's race was mentioned in the books, my bad if I'm wrong).

Well, I'm sure you'd find it conforting to find out he survived the 1st part of the trilogy.

He dies in the 2nd part, actually.

That's my biggest non personal issue with THG. I haven't actively looked into it, but I've never seen it mentioned in popular posts

The rest is more about personal taste.

I was romance-repulsed when I was in my early teens, to the point I avoided mushy covers and saccharine titles but I would also put a book back if there was the slightest hint of romance, knowing that if it appeared in the summary, it'd be very much likely to be splatered all over the pages. "girl meets a mysterious boy" had me running for the hills every damn time, no matter how much I liked the rest of the summary.

There wasn't the slightest hint of a mysterious boy in the summary so I was convinced it'd be safe and there'd be at worse a very secondary romance subplot.

Que nenni, cher ami. I really didn't expect the romance to be so centerfront and it annoyed the hell out of me because it was predictable af (you didn't even get the element of surprise, which would have made their relationship at least slightly more interesting and redeemable for little me) and I found Peeta very, very boring from the start. Even Arya and Eragon's relationship felt more interesting to me, and while I liked both characters, I was very much not into their romance

(Looks like it's unpopular opinions day. I can't say if I hated Peeta's guts on the spot because I knew a romance with the heroine was coming or because I really thought he was that boring, which is a book character's greatest crime. This isn't really antipropaganda. Peeta's not in the polls. As far as I can tell his name is a corruption of Peter)

I don't blame Suzanne Collins or the books. She didn't do the marketing and her only fault here was to have written a series too compelling for me to put it down despite my grudge against amatonormativity being thrown in my face all the time.

I ignored the budding romance the best I could and kept reading. I enjoyed reading the books. My friend did too. She was #teamgale. I was #teamidon'twantanyromanceinthesebookspleasejustmakethemallfriendsorsomething We had great times criticizing Peeta's every move. The good old days. (Yes I'll stop talking about the poor guy, I think you got the message. Look I'm sorry if you love Peeta like 90% of the fandom, I just don't)

So yes, I managed to mostly not feel too concerned about the most boring romance I've ever read by then (if it's any consolation, I didn't read romances so that's a rather bland statement) and rolling my eyes at the "real or not real" stuff. I'm sorry but I found the inevitability of their relationship quite irritating (which means it probably was great forshadowing for anyone without aro tendencies)

Nevertheless, I was young and had hope.

More seriously, the 1st two books were nice enough. The third...

It felt messier to me. I couldn't decide if it was something the author wanted us to feel as we got closer to the end and signifiant losses impacted Katniss' judgement or if I've grown out of love with the writing style.

Some of Katniss' decisions in her grief were quite questionable but we were meant to question them (well I hope so) so I was mostly fine with it. Mostly. I also felt like she made unnecessary 360° shifts on some occasions

Full disclaimer : I'm not a fan of third books of mainstream dystopia trilogies aimed at teens (i didn't think the Maze Runner and Divergent had satisfying endings -okay I do think the latter was not as good as the others too but that's a personal opinion- for example). I struggled with Endgame's 2nd book and I can say the same with the Lorien Legacies and found Partials' 2nd book disappointing. So, I'm more of a first book type of girl when it's about sf for teens

Well I think I've turned around the bush for a sufficient time so let's get to the part that made me slam the book shut and go to bed instead of rereading passages I liked.

The controversial ending.

Yes, we knew it was coming from the start.

It was gutting nevertheless.

Now I'm a bit older, I get that Peeta didn't bully Katniss into having kids but the formulation made me feel sick at the time.

That wasn't my issue, really.

My issue was I read the epilogue and felt like it was a trap, with Katniss having to resume her life surrounded by mementos of the Games, instead of being allowed to run away and start anew somewhere nobody would have ever known her or looked for her, so she could heal in peace. I thought she deserved that. It felt for me like she'd been robbed of a second chance at life.

That's one thing. The other is a lot more personal and gave me even more grief.

I've fooled myself into thinking that maybe for once a book was aimed at me. As someone not interested into romance at all, I'd hope the heroine might be like me.

Despite all the clues to Peeta being written as her love interest, I've hoped that in the end she wouldn't pick any of the boys. That she'd be tired of them and decide she was better alone romantically speaking. That the heroine would get her happy ending and it'd have nothing to do with a -bland, may I add- love interest (especially a male one, when all 9th graders know that boys have cooties, duh)

That was a very bittersweet ending to me, because I saw too much of myself into Katniss and that I was at an age I was trying to figure out what my life would look like and the answer seemed to be "get a boyfriend like everyone else" and it felt like a betrayal. I was so, so angry about the ending.

So yes I have a quite complicated relationship with the books, but while I think the POC rep could definitely have been better dealt with, the rest is on kid me for not having her expectations met. I can't really blame Collins for not having written the "amatonormativity doesn't have to be the only/right ending/answer ; there are other ways etc." rep I so desperately needed as a questioning teen.

Ah and I didn't like the first movie (and have decided to not watch the others), which is why I don't necessarily used pics in the polls but I probably will for the main bracket. I wasn't a fan of the casting or decors or of the adaptation work to be honest but to each their own and I've seen much worse.

THG isn't a bad series in itself. I have issues with it that probably have roots into systemic racism and also just me getting my heart broken

As for the Wayfarers series (The Long Way To a Small Angry Planet is the first book), it is lovely ! A great soft sci-fi feel good space opera series with queer, disability and POC rep

I hope I've satisfied your curiosity here because that was quite a rant, op

[royalberryriku]

Then don't condescent to mine which you've done repetitively and don't try to investigate my heritage and try to dissect it for me to be allowed to talk, which you've also done multiple times. If you want respect, you have to give it. But you have been nothing of the sort so why should I grant you that? You don't respect Yorta Yorta culture or land back, you co-opt our movement to excuse your own actions despite knowing it DOESN'T mean any of what you've said (again, it's a right to sacred sites and to practice, not exiling whoever else is around), you don't respect the rule of not killing, you're okay with making land uninhabitable for you or others, and you're okay with pollution from the conflict so?? What the hell is your point here?? That you just want to OWN the land? The fuck is Jewish about that? The fuck is LAND BACK about killing the animals and nature on that land? If you just want to say "it's line! I have a deed!" That's totally only political and power motivated and NOTHING to do with land back so keep our movement out of your mouth??

And, again, reading comprehension. I said it typically is orthodox Jews. I never fucking said "there are no Zionist orthodox Jews", sorry you suck at readying, but that's really not my problem.

Israel has over three meanings in ancient Hebrew, and all of them refer back to God and his rule. To claim it as something else literally makes no sense?? "Israel is a man made land" is basically like saying "god is man made" which is...yeah it's not Judaism I'll tell you that. If your religion refuses god and his rule, that's not a religion. Israel refers to god himself, his rule and his people. Israelites are the people of God, literally, they have to follow his rule or they are not his people/ will be sent into exile or punishment for doing so. That's the whole point??

The thing is that if I know orthodox Jews who are anti zionist, you're immediate response isn't "oh okay, I'm not but they exist", it's "they can't exist because I do". Which is fucked up, right? Like you understand that telling people that "this specific type of Jew can't exist because I exist" is literally my entire point of why I think that you sound antisemetic when you say this? Like "that's the wrong Jew and they shouldn't exist" is gross, you can disagree but to claim they should not exist because you do?? Nah. That's not community, that's bloodline obsession bullshit with entitlement over what it means to be allowed to live and have a religion, and that's why I'm so angry. White people say this to us as Yorta Yorta all the time, but we don't. We don't tell each other we're not indigenous enough or refute each other's existence because of where we sit. The only, and I mean ONLY, exception is when they deny us our culture or claim we should be dead. Which is what I often find I'm hearing from Zionists to non Zionist Jews; "if you're not with us you're not allowed to exist".

And yes, to tie back to the terf example it's exactly the same as "well you're not enough of a woman I'd you don't have XX chromosomes" and "well Real queers believe this so you can't exist as a queer". I get it so often, I'm told I can't be bi, gay, or anything if the sort if I let trans people exist. I'm told I personally can't be queer if I am trans because "well I'm queer and not trans so you can't be queer!" It's such a far right talking point and you all just. Don't care if you align with them and use the same rhetoric, as long as it benefits you. You wanna know why I'm so mad at your land back shit? Because you don't respect OUR right to land back and would rather use it than actually show any solidarity so yeah I'm not going to throw my hat with Zionists who disrespect other indigenous people, who hate any Jew who isn't like you and who reject history if it doesn't match what you want out of it.

dear jumblr: STOP LOOKING DOWN ON AND CONDESCENDING TO CONVERTS.

this includes saying “ofc converts don’t notice antisemitism.” or “they’re a convert, they don’t know any better.”

i really don’t think a lot of you realize how many converts don’t reveal they are converts because of this kind of behavior. my own patrilineal convert parent refuses to publicly, not because they are excluded, but because of the condescension. the way converts are basically patted on the head even if they have ancestry, are patrilineal, were raised in a jewish environment, etc. or have none of these at all.

if converts are equals to you, treat them that way. most gerim learned more during their process than many of us learn in hebrew school, let alone what most secular “born” jews learn throughout their lives. so yes, converts DO spot antisemitism. they DO know things. and there isn’t an excuse for them to be bigoted, to spread lies about our people, or to side with our enemies or to otherwise harm their community. just like there isn’t an excuse for any other jew to do so.

you are not being open minded or accepting thinking and talking this way. you are actually engaging in exclusion and separation. you’re looking down on converts instead of treating them like they have equal standing.

if a convert doesnt know something or does display bad behavior? call them in instead of making excuses for them. treat them like equals, because that is what they are.

[latte-fairytaekwoon]

Church (Choi San) Rated

Pairing: Choi San × Reader (Female)

Genre: Smut, Angst, Fluff, College AU, Friends to Enemies(?), Enemies to Lovers (?)

Summary: He used to be her best friend until he abandoned not only his childhood beliefs, but her in the process. One night, he decides to show her a glimpse of what she's been missing out on. Inspired by Chase Atlantic's Church .

Word Count: 6.3+K

Warnings: Mentions of religious beliefs, brazen college parties, allusions to alcohol/nicotine intake, body insecurity (reader has small breasts), oral (female receiving), fingering, nipple play, body worship/praise, slight cumplay, multiple orgasms, unprotected sex (always use protection), slight corruption kink, inexperienced reader, experienced San. (Probably forgot something)

Taglist: @little-precious-baby @yunhoiseyecandy @yunhofingers @galaxteez @brie02 @deja-vux @a-soft-hornytiny @multidreams-and-desires @couchpotatoaniki @daniblogs164 @yunsangoveryonder @minhyukmyluv @nanamarkie

╬╬═════════════╬╬

The infamous rebel let out a pernicious snicker when he saw the serene and usually proper former acquaintance walk in his direction.

"Are my eyes deceiving me or is that really the pastor's prissy little daughter out past her bedtime in a college party?" He found the situation much too amusing that he just had to point it out.

"I have a name you know." The female he was referring to halted in her steps to turn her head and give him an unkind and unfriendly look.

"You have several, actually. There's goody two shoes, priss, prude, prig-"

"Oh shut the fuck up Choi San." She scoffed as she began walking away from him, already feeling annoyed by his presence.

The man trailed after her, his face donning a shocked expression as he flailed his arms around in a dramatic way.

"Guys it's happening! The apocalypse is really here if L/N Y/N has not only attended a wild party full of debauchery, but her mouth has actually uttered out cursed words!" He shouted out, the other attendants either joining in laughing at her or ignoring him in favor of the bottles or sticks in their fingers.

"I'm surprised you even know what that word means." She turned to look at him with a mocking smile, arms crossed over her chest.

"Please, I know a lot more than you have ever pretended to know." He clicked his tongue, elbow coming up to rest on the wall next to him.

"Is that why you turnt corrupt and abandoned everything you believe in?" She couldn't help but spat back at him.

"Hey at least I was honest and didn't hide it like you people who lead double lives. Preaching one thing but living the total opposite. You're all nothing but a bunch of hypocrites." The venom in his voice was unmistakable, nose scrunching up in disgust as he remembered gross sins he had more often than not had witnessed from people who claimed to be pure and holy.

"I do not lead a double life." She remarked.

"Oh really? Then why the hell are you here in a college party? Full of alcohol, drugs and walking STDs? Riddle me that princess." His foot tapped against the floor, patiently awaiting an answer from her.

Y/N swallowed the non existent lump in her throat and turned her gaze to the floor in embarrassment.

"I just wanted to see what it was like. Just once." She admitted begrudgingly, the man in front of her chuckling lowly.

"Well you sure are going to have a lot to confess on Sunday to your dad. Silly girl, walking into the lion's pit like this." He jeered at her.

"Don't get ahead of yourself. Just because I came here doesn't mean I've done anything morally wrong." She counteracted his words to which he only snorted.

"Yet."

Tired of his overly obnoxious attitude, Y/N spun on her heel to get away from him, but she spun so carelessly and fast that she ended up bumping into another classmate who unfortunately was holding a full cup of beer that ended up being doused all over her white blouse.

"Oops! Sorry, my bad." He excused himself, looking completely unapologetic about the situation.

Meanwhile Y/N looked absolutely horrified as she took in the drenched state of her shirt that now had the stench of alcohol on it. The fact San was bursting out in giggles only served to make her even more mad.

"Now tell me how do you plan on explaining that to dear old-"

"Can it San or I swear I'll gauge your eyes out." She threatened him as she stormed out the building, not caring that she bumped into a few figures on her way out.

Feeling just a bit of empathy for his old friend, San sighed softly before following after her. Upon catching up to her, he took hold of her wrist and started dragging her in the opposite direction.

"Hey! Get your filthy hands off me! I will not hesitate to scream!" She tried tugging her arm away.

"Calm down I'm not planning on kidnapping or anything like that sweetheart. I'm taking you back to my car."

She let out a dry laugh at that.

"But that's not kidnapping?" She raised an eyebrow at him.

"I have a spare shirt in the backseat that you can change into. Unless you wanna go home smelling like PBR." He looked back to see the mess one more time, lips curling up into a smirk.

Against her better judgment, she allowed him to take her all the way where his car was parked, standing there quietly as San rummaged through the backseat before taking out a clean plain white tshirt and held it out to her.

"Here. Put it on."

She looked at him with a face that asked if he was stupid.

"Well what?" He asked.

"Oh yes..I'm totally going to strip in a middle of the street and let anyone passing by see." She rolled her eyes at him.

"Oh for fuck's sake, there's nobody here, nobody is going to see and frankly I don't think anyone cares about seeing your non existent boobs." He scorned at her as he gestured to her chest.

"Ok rude and uncalled for." She felt slightly hurt by his comment, having always been somewhat insecure about the size of her chest.

"Don't look." She warned him.

"Not like I want to." He jeered at her as he turned away to not only give her privacy, but to also serve as a lookout for anyone that might accidentally show up and see the scene. He could hear her behind him tearing off her clothes and then slipping it back on.

"Ok there. I'm done." Y/N announced as she stuffed the soiled shirt into her bag.

"Not even a thank you?" San pouted slightly, to which Y/N gave a feigned smile.

"Thanks."

With that said and done, she brushed past him and started walking away, absolutely done with the night.

"Careful not to get caught sneaking back inside your house." She heard San say from behind.

"For your information I'm not living with them anymore. I moved into the dorms 2 months ago." She stated in a matter of factly, a proud look on her face.

"Well in that case....want to ride back with me?" He offered.

"Yeah no, I'd rather take my chances at being kidnapped and then butchered up. Besides, I wouldn't want to cut your wild night short." She declined the offer.

"Stop being so negative Nancy and accept my generosity. Geez."

Running over to her, he quickly snatched her up and threw her over his shoulder, ignoring her shocked exclaims and protests.

"Now this is really kidnapping!" She declared.

"Yeah I know, now shut up before I duct tape that bratty mouth of yours." San grinned mischievously as he tossed her into the backseat and shut the door before striding over to get on the driver's seat.

"Oh come on. Stop looking at me like I'm a criminal. Just because I indulge in a few sins every now and then, doesn't make me into a bad person." He stated when he saw the dirty look she gave him.

"Whatever." She muttered as she locked in her seatbelt.

San opted for just driving back to the dorms and get Y/N tucked in her bed since it was clear to him she needed it.

╬╬═════════════╬╬

"You're lucky my roommate is on vacation, otherwise I would have left your ass back there." Y/N spewed out as she threw her keys onto her dresser.

"Thanks Y/N, I always said you were the nicest and most giving person in the planet." San complimented her as he felt he should given she was letting him stay the night in her dorm after a little tiny incident with his keys dropping inside one of the manholes surrounding the university. And the administration office wouldn't be open til the morning, meaning he was screwed unless his roommate showed up to let him in, but that was a definite no since San knew Seonghwa would definitely end up in someone else's bed and come back til the next day, hickeys plastered all over his neck and chest.

"No, you always said I was the most stuck up-"

San shushed her by pressing a hand over her mouth.

"You dwell so much on the present image of me you drew up in your head that you completely erased the friend you had all those years ago." He slid his hand off her mouth, shoulders slumping down as he turned away from her to crouch on the floor.

"That friend doesn't exist anymore, that is if he even existed in the first place. If I recall, my friend wasn't into parties, booze, vaping, tattoos, piercings and fucking around with every whore in the school."

San didn't say anything as he heard her ramble, he just let her talk away as she started pulling out spare blankets and pillows for him to use.

"My Sannie was sweet, cute, adorable, always ready to lend people help and respectful to others." She reminisced with a sad look. Pulling her expression straight, she laid out the blankets and started arranging them neatly on the floor.

"I still am."

San's voice was so quiet that she barely registered that he even opened his mouth in the first place, but she heard him.

"Maybe if you weren't so puffed up with pride and didn't cut me off after I cut ties with the church, you'd see that I'm still the way I was. You think I changed completely because of ink and metal on my body? Because I wanted to try certain substances and yes, satisfy some perfectly normal and humane needs?"

Y/N averted her gaze from him and continued the task she was in. San let out a despondent scoff.

"Of course you do. And yet didn't I just demonstrate to you back there that I haven't changed? Giving you my shirt, giving you a ride, yeah I know, it's not much and no big deal, but wasn't those the types of things I'd do even back then?"

Y/N's tongue poked against her cheek as she knew she couldn't deny that was San said was absolutely true. He did nothing different back at the party as he used to do years ago. Helping old ladies with grocery bags, giving away some of his clothes to less fortunate kids, he was always known as being such a giving and kind person.....

No wonder so many were devastated when it was announced he had resigned as a member of the church. Y/N herself was hurt and even indignated by his decision. And after that she adamantly refused to see him or talk to him, and of course San respected her decision and avoided contacting her so as to not make her uncomfortable. He understood that their friendship was broken and he wasn't going to overstep boundaries just to try and fix it when the other party didn't want it. So he just decided to live his life as he thought was right without his conscience bothering him. And he was much happier now, he felt free, something that he had never felt before. Perhaps he was so chained down by formality, discipline, strict regulations and even fear that he didn't realize that he was miserable all that time until his eyes were fully open and he found he didn't like what he saw, especially after seeing the dark and ugly side of what was supposed to be a safe and pure sanctuary. He was let down severely and he suffered in the process. But now that was behind him and he had no regrets......

Except Y/N. He truly missed her and her company. As he laid on the makeshift bed on the floor, he found himself unable to sleep as he recalled all those fond times spent with her. The trips to the lake, hiking, first day of school, their first accident after he had gotten his driver's license. He let out an involuntary smile at that memory. Unbeknownst to him, the girl on her bed was equally reminiscing on the old days filled with her best friend. She had been so alone ever since she distanced herself from him, the world now feeling empty and cold without him. Shifting around in her bed, she whined into her pillow as she desperate tried to sleep.

"What's the worst thing you've ever done?" Her question startled San momentarily.

"Are you that sleep deprived that you're suddenly asking me to confess my worst sins?" He chuckled amusedly.

"Maybe it'll help me get actual sleep, I don't know. And.... I'm just curious." She clutched one of her plushies and started messing around with it.

"Curiosity killed the cat and I don't think your virgin mind will be able to handle my confession." He asserted confidently.

"I'm not a virgin, but oh well. Just tell me, what's the worst?" Her casual response made San flip out. He sat upright and kneeled at the front of her bed with an incredulous look.

"What do you mean you're not a virgin? When did you-?" He was so flabbergasted he wouldn't even finish his sentence.

Rolling over to where he was, Y/N smirked at him.

"Uh uh. I asked you a question first and you have to answer it before I can answer any you want."

Knowing he had no alternative, San placed his chin on the top of her mattress.

"Had a threesome with 2 of our professors." He laughed when he saw how shocked Y/N looked.

"What?! No way!" She refused to believe him.

"It's true. I won't tell you who they were since you won't be able to look at them the same way if I did...... I'll just dish this: they both got really huge tits and it's a shame they're married." He admitted with a smug expression.

"I can't believe you." She fanned her face which she was sure was now a deep crimson color.

"Ok now your turn. When did this happen? Who was it with?"

Y/N didn't even mind that San got up and crawled into her bed to lay down next to her. His face was rested on his hands as he looked at her with intense inquisitiveness. Knowing she'd have to talk about it sooner or later, she thought it would be best if San was the one to know since he would never tell anyone else and he'd understand since he was tainted as well.

"Remember when that group of missionaries came to stay over at our city for a while back in high school?"

San nodded, vividly remembering everything. Y/N blushed and smiled shyly.

"Do you remember that there was a family with a son our age? Chase?"

San widened his eyes and flopped over on his back as his hands came to hide his face.

"Oh dear lord, please don't tell me it was that Canadian boy." He groaned in pain.

"Yeah....yeah it was."

San couldn't stop cringing at the thought of his friend doing such a thing.

"How even did that happen?" He was so lost.

"I don't know! It just did ok? It happened while we were out in that camping trip. Somewhere there, we were left alone and we started talking about everything and nothing til it spiraled into talking about sex and us being virgins decided to see what was the big deal....." She bit her lower lip as the memory flashed in her mind. Looking over at San, she knew he was judging her as she expected. A tiny snort escaped his lips.

"That must have been the worst 45 seconds of your life." He joked, earning him a slap on his chest by Y/N's hand.

"It was not 45 seconds!............. it was 2 minutes."

San only laughed harder at that, nearly crying from how funny it was to him. He composed himself though when he saw how embarrassed Y/N looked about it. Feeling bad for laughing at her expense, he cleared his throat and patted her head.

"It's ok. First times are always awkward and uncomfortable. The problem was you weren't prepared and you were both inexperienced. He just didn't know how to please you."

Y/N couldn't help herself as she asked:

"And I suppose you can?"

Flipping onto his stomach, San cupped her chin with his hand and ran his thumb across her lower lip.

"Don't tread on dangerous territory little angel lest you want an evil demon to corrupt you." He warned her, and although he wouldn't actually follow through on it, he did want to tease her a little. But he wasn't expecting for Y/N to play along to his teasing, only she was not joking at all as she brought her face closer to his.

"Maybe I want you to corrupt me, show me what I've been missing out on." She brushed her lips against his, tongue daring to poke out and press on his slit briefly, leaving him stunned.

"You have no idea what you're asking for princess." San mused as he held himself back from touching her.

"I know what I'm asking for Choi San and what I'm asking for....is you." She responded with confidence.

Escaping from underneath the blanket that covered her, Y/N reclined back on the mattress, her head laying on her soft pillow as she gestured for San to come over to her, which he promptly did. Parting her legs so he could fit his body between them, he smirked softly down at her eagerness, fingers brushing against the soft skin on her thighs.

"You're serious about this?" He wanted to make sure it wouldn't be something she'd regret.

"I already messed up once, what's one more time gonna do?" She pulled him down against her, not caring when he lost balance and accidentally crushed her under him with his muscular body.

"Besides...." Wanting to further entice him, Y/N brushed her lips against his ear.

"Look at me and tell me you don't want to fuck me. That you don't want to stuff that hard cock of yours into my tight and inexperienced pussy. Bet you're itching to tear into me until I'm crying under you. Don't you want that?"

San let out a moan at hearing such filthy and depraved talk from her. It only fueled his appetite and hunger for indulging in carnal desires.

"Yes... I want that.... I want you."

Closing space between them, San molded his lips over hers, encasing them in a sloppy and wet kiss. Y/N could faintly make out the leftover scent of alcohol and nicotine as she let him taste her mouth, but she didn't mind or felt grossed out by it. She just kept her lips parted and allowed him to move his tongue freely inside her. Cupping her cheeks, San continued to roll his tongue over hers, massaging it gently with both deep yet gentle strokes. When he pulled away, he made sure to tuck her bottom lip between his teeth, pulling it towards him as Y/N let out a moan that was like music to his ears. Pausing briefly, their lips were barely touching as they breathed in each other's air. San was the first one to break into a smile, the one that had Y/N melting since it displayed his dimples to the fullest.

"Never thought I'd hear that sound come out of your pretty mouth." He teased her.

"S-shut up." She frowned, hand reaching up to smack his chest.

"It's not a bad thing. I like it. Now let's see if I can make sure you keep them up."

Stuffing his face into her neck, San ghosted his lips across her skin, tongue subtly poking out solely to hear her breath hitch slightly. Dipping his tongue into her collarbone, his lips opened up so they could firmly latch and spread wet kisses across her neck. Y/N gasped when she felt teeth sink down, head tilting back to give San more room which he took advantage of. Focusing on particular spots that he knew she was sensitive in, he sucked her skin into his mouth. Each time he pulled away, he reveled when he saw the finished mark that was now painted on her skin.

"I would love to see your parent's reaction to my love bites." He brushed a fingers across the newest spot he just embedded in her body, hand then reaching up to suddenly clasp around her neck. Y/N shuddered when his grip got tighter, her oxygen intake getting cut and making her feel hazy, but it was nonetheless enjoyable. Snaking a hand under her shirt, or more like his shirt, San swiped his tongue over his bottom lip as he started to pull the material up.

"How about I make some matching ones all across your pretty chest?"

Before he could lift the shirt any further, Y/N's hand clasped around his wrist, preventing him from moving any further.

"Don't." She begged him.

San retracted his hands away from her, fearing he made her uncomfortable.

"I'm sorry." He immediately apologized and began to move away from her, but Y/N's hands raked against his thighs to keep him in place.

"No, it's not you. It's just..... if we're going to do this, can I keep the shirt on? I don't...." She took a deep breath and closed her eyes as she admitted an insecurity of hers.

"I don't like my chest. My boobs are too small, it's unflattering and I'd rather you not see them." She slowly opened her eyes to see his reaction. San had a sad look on his face, bottom lip poking out as his fingers came up to brush against her cheek. Remembering what he had previously said back in the parking loyal, he felt terrible for saying that ill intended joke about her body. He probably hurt her and he didn't realize it.

"Y/N don't say that. Your chest size doesn't matter. You're beautiful the way you are and I bet underneath that layer is clothing there is the cutest and most adorable set of boobs in the world." She let out an involuntary giggle at his words, letting him run his hand down her clothed sternum.

"But if that's what you want, I'll respect it. Either way, my tshirt looks amazing on you." He acknowledged rather cockily.

Shifting further back, San took hold of the top of her shorts, making sure to look at her.

"Are you ok with these coming off?"

Y/N resisted the temptation to slap the top of his head.

"If you don't take them off, how are you going to fuck me genius?" She retorted.

"You'd be surprised at what I've learned." He uttered, mostly to himself than at her.

Like an expert, he practically tore her shorts down her legs, panties falling to the floor along with them. Y/N let out a soft squeal when he took hold of her thighs and brought her down so his face was at eye level with her most intimate part. San took a few seconds to admire her bare mound, lips parted and threatening to start drooling all over her thighs. Pressing both thumbs against each one is her lips, San pried her folds open, staring intently as he now clearly saw all of her.

"Oh fuck. I'm gonna need to prep you real good. I can tell you're going to be really tight."

She wanted to ask him what he meant by prep, but her words got caught in her throat when she felt his tongue delve into her core. She had never felt someone's mouth anywhere near her folds and she regretted not having experienced it before. Her eyes shut tight as she marveled at the sensation of San's tongue lapping at her bud, his lips making sure to enclose all around the flesh surrounding it before giving it gentle suckles. Shaky breaths blew out from her mouth, her legs wanting to close themselves around San's head but his firm grip on her thighs kept it from happening. He kept her knees pinned to the bed as his mouth continued to ravish at her taste, sloppily consuming her heat fervently. Her mind was so occupied in what he was doing that she didn't register the hand that slowly crept away from her thigh until she felt something poke at her entrance.

"Oh-" She gasped, opening her eyes to see what was going on.

"Relax princess. It's just my finger.....for now." He momentarily pulled off her heat to let her know what was happening before diving back in to continue his task of eating her out.

His finger inside her felt a little weird at first, sliding in slowly before pulling out only to plunge itself back into her. During one of those times where she expected him to slide back in, she was surprised when she felt herself being stretched out as San curled a second finger inside her. Keeping them lodged there, he began scissoring them alternatively so he could further spread her walls apart. During one of those movements, his fingertips brushed along her hood, making her hips slightly jolt up into San's face, who smiled against her folds as he now knew exactly where to angle his hips for later. Using this new knowledge, that was probably unbeknownst to Y/N, he slipped his fingers deeper into her, knuckles deep as he moved his tips rhythmically on the the spot he found. Y/N's mouth fell wide open into an 'O' as whiny gasps and airy moans poured out of it. San's mouth latched to her clit and his fingers working deep in her hole was producing a stirring in the lower pit of her stomach that she couldn't quite make out. But it felt good, especially since it continued to grow more and more, almost as if it was a cord about to snap.

"San- wait. I feel, I feel-" She couldn't finish her sentence as her body trembled slightly, a flood of overwhelming pleasure washing over her that was prolonged by San drinking up the juices that spilled forth out of her body. He didn't pull away until he made sure to swallow every drop she had to give.

"Aren't you grossed out?" She asked him, always having wondered about that.

"Nope. I love licking girl's pussies, especially if they're as sweet as yours." He affirmed while pulling his shirt off his body.

Y/N turned her flustered face away from him, keeping her gaze locked on the wall to her right, which was decorated with several polaroids of her with her family, friends and members of her church, some of them even had San in them, back when they were inseparable. Before she could become nostalgic, a strong set of hands clutched her chin and teared her gaze away from the pictures, forcing her to stare at the now naked man in front of her.

"Forget about that for now. Right now I want your full attention on me and what we're about to do. After we're done, that image of a good girl you have will gone." His words seemed to almost taunt her.

Although she tried not to look, Y/N's eyes fell in between San's legs, filled with astonishment when she glimpsed for the very first time at her former friend's member, fully erect and leaking at the tip as it awaited to be hugged by her warm walls.

"Like it? Maybe later I'll let you play with it." San giggled when her eyes shot up at him in surprise.

Placing himself to hover above her, he hummed lowly as he slowly stuffed himself inside her, working her open until he was fully nestled inside her warmth. Although she felt a light burn scraping against her inner walls, it wasn't unpleasant or painful like her first time. She could tell San knew exactly what he was doing as he began rolling his hips. Perfectly recalling exactly where to aim at, he made sure to angle his thrusts accordingly so each time he pushed back in, he'd hit her pleasure spot.

"Oh God-" Y/N exclaimed when he continued to brushed against the hood of her core.

"Really think it's a good idea to call out the good lord's name when I'm balls deep inside your pussy?" He asked with a malicious smirk plastered across his face.

"No baby. Tonight your only lord is me."

Pinning her wrists above her head, San continued pushing his cock deeper into her. The harsh pounding of his hips against hers was becoming louder, their bodies starting to get heated and producing sweat. Y/N couldn't do anything but whimper and wrap her legs around San's waist, keeping him firmly locked to her body. She closed her eyes once more as she felt the same familiar feeling from before start piling up, only it felt more intense and stronger probably due to the fact that she was getting railed to her bed by her ex best friend, whom she still cared about deeply. She was definitely not planning on making up with him this way, but holy hell, she couldn't deny that he was making her feel so many emotions at once. Pleasure, lust, satisfaction, happiness, euphoria, love? Perhaps that last one was definitely a stretch, but she blamed her confused thoughts on how well his cock was abusing her hole. She felt unable to focus on anything except him.

"Clenching so hard around me babygirl. Are you gonna cum all over my cock?"

Slipping one hand in between their bodies, San pressed his thumb against her clit, rubbing it back and forth so it would serve as an extra push to tip her over the edge. Y/N splayed her hands on San's lower back, nails raking against his skin, causing him to hiss.

"Fuck- am I seriously making you feel that good babygirl?" He knew for a fact he was feeling absolutely amazing, her tight warmth gripping along his shaft, making it hard for him to hold back much longer.

"Mmm yeah." She shamelessly moaned.

"Am I better than your first?" Although he already knew the answer, he still wanted to feed his ego and hear her say it.

"So much better! It feels so fucking good." She inhaled sharply when that she began to feel the sensation from before. With even louder cries from before, her body shook underneath San's, blood rushing to her head as an even greater orgasm coursed through her body. She was left speechless, a full on panting mess even after San had pulled out of her after helping her ride out her high.

"Oh geez. Shit." San's voice rasped out as he jerked himself off, his cum painting her thighs white, not stopping until he had finished coating them with everything he had to give.

Looking down at the mess, Y/N couldn't suppress a tiny giggle, one of her hands clasping over her mouth while the other picked up some of his cum and spread it between her fingers.

"Having fun there?" San grinned, finding her fascinated gaze to be completely adorable to him.

"Yeah.." She said as sat up to get a better look at the cum around her thighs.

"Well I was going to clean it off you, but seeing as you're so entertained by it, I'll just leave you with it."

Not forgetting that he was merely a guest, San slid himself off her bed and plopped his tired body onto the blankets on the floor. Closing his eyes, he was thinking he would finally be able to sleep, but he found his plans thwarted when he felt a pair of hands graze across his chest. Looking up, he found Y/N straddling his lap, biting down on her lower lip as she grinded her wet folds along his softened dick which was now becoming hard again thanks to her.

"What in the world are you doing you crazy girl?" He sucked in a breath, not expecting her to suddenly pounce on him.

"I wanna try that again." She pleaded, grinding her hips harder on him.

"Oh my- did I accidentally turn you into a nymphomaniac?" She chuckled at his joke and although he groaned as if he was frustrated, he obliged to her wishes and sat up.

Clasping her waist with his hands, he lifted her up and guided her so she could easily sink herself down on his length. Not letting go, he slowly rolled his hips up, burying himself deep in her body once more. Since they were both still riled up from their previous session, it didn't take long for both of them to start spewing out a clutter of moans and grunts as they once again get lost in a mist of lust that clouded their minds. San drunk up every expression on Y/N's face. Every twitch of her facial muscles, every shuddering breath she exhaled, each time her eyelids shut close, he marveled at seeing her enjoy the experience. He loved seeing her indulge in such an intimate practice with him, more so given how special she was to him, one of the most important people in his life aside from his family. Looking down at her torso, his fingers brushed along the hem of her shirt.

"Please...." His urging caught her attention.

"Please let me see all of you. I want to admire every inch of you and your beautiful body. I promise I won't laugh or judge. I just want to worship you."

Y/N hesitated briefly, still afraid to let him see what was hidden under the shirt.

"It's ok if you don't want to. I won't force you." He shot a kind smile at her as he focused back on making sure to drive his cock up into her.

Feeling safe and knowing she could trust her lifelong friend whom she thought of as a soulmate at one point, Y/N reached for the bottom of her shirt and peeled it off her body. Coming face to face with her bare chest, San groaned in ecstasy as he slid his hands up her body.

"Just as I predicted, you have very cute breasts."

Pulling her chest to his face, he opened his mouth and took one of her nipples in it, swirling his tongue around it before sucking on it. Y/N's fingers raked themselves through his hair, harshly tugging them when she felt his teeth sink themselves into her flesh.

"Aren't they too small?" She inquired.

Letting go of her breast with an audible pop, San cupped her chin.

"No baby, they're absolutely perfect. They're gorgeous, just like every other part of your body. You're gorgeous, absolutely stunning and holy fuck, you're driving me insane honestly." He confessed, his mouth diving into her other breast so it wouldn't feel left out from being tenderly kissed and sucked on.

His words sunk deep in Y/N's heart. He really did found her beautiful, attractive and it spurred something in her. Feeling a newfound passion, Y/N unconsciously began taking over their movements. Pushing against his thrusts, she began to set her own pace, rutting herself on top of his dick. San of course took notice and was happy about it.

"Oh wanna take over now baby? Well go ahead."

Laying back down on the floor, his eyes stared up at her with lust.

"Fuck yourself on me darling."

Encouraged by him, Y/N began bouncing herself on his cock. Finding an angle that she liked, she sunk down on his length over and over, her head thrown back as she used his body to push her down another spiral of immense pleasure. San just relaxed and admired the way she lost herself and gave into her deepest desires. He loved the way she rode his cock, and he loved feeling her walls tighten once more around his shaft.

"Oh shit- Sannie." She cried out his name as she quivered on top of him, her juices spilling out onto his cock once more.

Knowing fully well she was probably aching between her thighs, San gripped her hips and helped her ride out her climax so the feeling she was going through wouldn't go away just yet. He made sure to be gentle, easing her up and down his cock with absolute tenderness. Once he knew she was satisfied, he pulled her of him and set her down on the floor before sitting up above her body. Just like before, he took hold of his cock and began pumping his cum out of his body, plastering it all across her inner thighs and even splattering some on her stomach. Looking up, Y/N had the same giggly expression as before.

"Does my cum really make you burst into a fit of giggles?" He questioned her.

"I can't help it. It's just... I don't know. Maybe it's the fact it's so dirty and wrong, and then to have you spread it all over my body." She explained, which made San chuckle.

"Maybe I should baptize your thighs with my cum more often." Although he was joking, Y/N was more than willing to take him up on that offer.

"Will you?" She looked up at him with puppy eyes.

San studied her for a moment, before a wicked idea popped in his brain.

"How about you let me baptize and stain that pretty face of yours?"

Getting a hint of what he meant, Y/N got up on her knees while San stood up right in front of her, cock in hand as he brought it up to her lips.

"I hope you weren't planning on going to morning services tomorrow because I'm going to keep you up til morning until your knees hurt."

[twopoppies]

update on the "my friend thought she was edgy cause she read one (1) het fic with a sex scene so unspicy it could have passed for White People Chicken" situation

she's fucking determined and i love that for her, but i also don't want her to end up traumatised, rocking in her chair harder than a subsitute teacher after being faced with the rowdy kids, so i'm guiding her through.

now, first, i tried to find a fandom we had in common so we could go straight to the fics. she threw a fit worse than the five-year-old i babysit and demanded i show her the same fics i read.

so i had to properly iniciate her to the one direction fandom, and consequently the larry war zone. i thought she'd get bored eventually, she didn't cause she's somehow more stubborn than i am, and that lead to her falling down the rabbit hole.

she cried. i cried. she got angry at the stunts. i got angry at the stunts. she lost faith in humanity after i told her there are some people that unironically believe in the stunts and the mortal enemies narrative. i never had any faith in humanity in the first place, but still.

so after almost of month of relentless research and about three larry-related sleepovers, we have finally gotten to The Good Bit.

now, i feel like she shouldn't be too shocked at what we're gonna work up to, cause after i explained to her the meaning of some songs (cough no control cough) along with...let's just say other things we know that came up during our totally scientific research, she has a pretty good idea of what she's getting into.

so, we make our way onto ao3, i show her how the filters work and immediately blacklist "rape/non-con", "major character death", and any rating that isn't G just to be sure, cause i don't want her to drop dead or something.

i said "alright love, we're gonna start easy, yeah? just short and sweet little things, 4k words tops cause we need to build up your attention span, all fluff, no sadness, no smut, just the feel-good, okay?"

she looked so happy i swear, it's like a golden retriever's been shown a squeeky toy.

so we start reading the summaries together, i force her to always read the tags cause i feel like if maybe i etch that habit into her brain from the get go she won't get any surprises mid-fic (totally not speaking from experience). and then some things happen.

her: wait, why not that one? the summary looks nice.

me: nah, even just in the summary you can see the repetitive sentences, lack of punctuation, and overall cliché-ness of the whole thing, i wanna make you read some good things.

her: *confused staring*

--

her: that one looks good!

me: are you serious? READ THE FUCKING TAGS, CAN'T YOU SEE THE "gratuitous blowjobs" TAG THERE, YOU ARE NOT READY FOR THAT, YOU SQUEAL LIKE A PIG IN A SLAUGHTER WHEN THEY HOLD HANDS, NO! ABSOLUTELY NOT, NO! WHO TAGGED THIS????

--

her: okay, that one looks like it has good grammar, the summary looks okay- oh no, you have your "i'm disowning you" face on right now, what's wrong?

me: i will not have you read 1st pov unless this is written in letter format. this is the good shit, not some cringey het wattpad fic, NO!

we finally settled on If You're Hoping for a Harbour by LadyLondonderry cause i read it a while ago and my notes said it was good, and she has a thing for the whole soulmates thing and magic. she giggled the whole way through, awed, and cooed, and did the little fangirl-omg-they-love-eachother dance and all. i feel like part one has been a success. now we can only hope that she'll stick to what i told her and start small, work her way up, not immediately go to hardcore stuff cause i'd rather not have her traumatised, thank you very much.

she did promise she'd text me the first fic she chose for each level of fanficness (we're going from fluff to angst, moving up into the ratings as we go so she'll have a healthier and smoother approach to this than we all did LMAO) so i suppose that should be good.

but one fic in and she sees why reading fanfics is my favourite past time. she has lost all interest for the book she was reading, completely understands why 1st pov sucks and 3rd pov is better, and was much quicker to spot the clichés and *slight* underlying misogyny in the book. it's gone away now. i'm so proud. my kid's growing.

also now i have someone to freak out with over louis on tour so that's cool.

okay, that was all, i'm just proud that i was able to convert a het-reader so quickly, at the same time as turning her into a larrie. AND i did that without completely spoiling her innocence. that feels like the biggest accomplishment of all. i mean sure, it's gonna last about one more week at most before she gets tired and goes for the smut but the thought's there.

Oh, that's a lovely fic to start with. @londonfoginacup has some great short and really nicely done smut-free fics. Good choice. Glad to hear you're guiding your friend well. LOL!

[lightrises]

"Only in allowing her to pass..." — Hornet, The Radiance, and the means by which Hallownest turned its victims against each other

A quick note: I read Hollow Knight as an anti-colonialist text. As such I'll be touching on topics related to colonialism as it's depicted in the world of the game, and said analysis will reflect both a sympathetic take on The Radiance and a critique of The Pale King that won't pull its punches. If this sounds up your alley, hello and thank you for the read! Let us be sad about these bugs together.

———

So!! A while back I realized something about pre-canon that felt rather... "curious" is one way to put it, I think. To wit: for all the effort and scheming and determination The Pale King poured into trying to get rid of The Radiance, neither of his plans involved directly killing her.

Was that his long game? Well, sure, that seems clear enough. His tack changed from luring the moths away from their god and creator to a more literal form of incarceration once the infection became a factor, but at its core the end goal never really changed—The Pale King very sincerely wished to destroy Radiance via obsolescence. The Seer lends us foreshadowing to confirm as much:

[Image descriptions: Two screenshots from Hollow Knight, showing the Seer and Ghost in the Seer's alcove at the Resting Grounds. Across both screenshots, the Seer tells Ghost the following: "None of us can live forever, and so we ask those who survive to remember us. Hold something in your mind and it lives on with you, but forget it and you seal it away forever. That is the only death that matters." End description.]

(Which, by the way and given the context, talk about an extremely unsubtle allusion to cultural genocide huh!!! Whew.)

In any case, we're left with a whole bunch of machinations which build up to... well, two very roundabout attempts at committing deicide. That's kind of weird, all things considered! Why not just do the deed in one fell swoop and get it over with?

This could be for any number of reasons. Maybe the king was devoid of the means to instantly kill another higher being. Maybe his personal sense of scruples stopped him short of signing off on MURDER murder (although, y'know, the aforementioned genocide + eternal imprisonment = still cool and copasectic apparently!). Maybe the long drawn-out cruelty was the point. Maybe the idea of playing fuckign 4D chess with the circumstances was too delicious for him to pass up��that man did love to tinker and stick his claws where they sure as hell didn't belong—or maybe it was a little bit of All The Things. Who knows!!

But interrogating The Pale King's methodology on this count isn't what I'm here for, at least not really. The main reason I raise this question at all is that in her own way, Hornet did too.

"I'd urge you to take that harder path... "

See, going by The Pale King's actions and what The White Lady explicitly says, they both foresaw two outcomes wrt the infection: it can be allowed to spread, or it can be contained. At Teacher's Archives, Quirrel acknowledges the fact that Ghost is expected to do... something about this, but he doesn't elaborate on what HE thinks that's supposed to be apart from the obvious "Gotta bust into Black Egg Temple first". Hornet is the one person who presents to us—to Ghost—what's framed as a third option: confront and destroy the infection at its source.

And she doesn't bring it up like it's just another tactic for Ghost to consider, prim and indifferent to what they would do. She nudges them towards it, actively, up to the point where she throws herself into the fray against Hollow at a juncture that's uniquely dangerous to her and her alone just to make that option feasible.

Even when she's couching it in disclaimers that this is still Ghost's decision to make (and let's be fair, she's extremely not wrong about that lol), no one can pretend Hornet is unbiased. It's obvious in that buttoned-down Hornet kind of way that she is way the hell done with the increasingly tenuous stalemate that's kept Hallownest's desiccated corpse from collapsing in on itself. Personally it's hard for me not to read some Toriel Undertale-esque "My father was too entrenched in his own foolishness to pursue any course of action that would have DEFINITIVELY ended this" shade into her stance here, regardless of whether that's strictly true in canon.

And that bit—Hornet's hopes for an end to Hallownest's stasis, moreover her grim calculation of what needs to be done to get there—that's the bit I find super interesting but likewise tragic and depressing as shit, on multiple levels. In no small part because a) canon itself gestures towards Hornet feeling conflicted about the very plan she's pushing, and moreover b) she has at least two (2) damn good reasons to feel that way.

So, what do I mean by that? Let's look here first:

[Image description: A screenshot from Hollow Knight, of Hornet and Ghost inside the Temple of the Black Egg, standing in front of the unsealed egg itself. Hornet has been struck by the Dream Nail and her dialogue is displayed as follows: "... Could it achieve that impossible thing? Should it?" End description.]

As the curtain is about to drop on things one way or another, Hornet thinks,

... Could it achieve that impossible thing? Should it?

Now, looking at that last bit it's easy to go "Oh no, Hornet's worried that Ghost won't survive killing The Radiance!" And I do think that's part of it: Hornet is, categorically, not her father. By endgame it's clear she's not content to view her Void-borne siblings as tools to be used then disposed of. She's also well aware that as a healthy autonomous Vessel amongst the countless dead, Ghost is the only person left alive who has a fighting chance against The Radiance. Knowing someone is the only qualified candidate for the job doesn't make encouraging them to embrace a probable death sentence any less of a bitter pill to swallow, though. And odds are on that this sentiment extends to Hollow too, who IS going to die no matter what happens here. To put it bluntly, it's more than reasonable to conclude that Hornet hates the absolute fuck out of this.

But I don't think that's all there is to it either. Remember what I said earlier about The Pale King's bids for genocide? Well, it's not like the man deigned to limit his efforts to just the moth tribe.

"We do not choose our mothers... "

On top of everything else—an infected Hallownest being all she's ever known, the fact that she only exists because of the infection, the list goes on—Hornet has spent her life wedged into a position that's been uncomfortable and terminally unglamorous at best: she is both a daughter of her father's kingdom and of Deepnest.

Deepnest, which like the moths and many others was here long before the wyrm and his lady wife swanned onto the scene and the God Become Bug laid claim to everything the Light touched plus a considerable amount of change. THAT Deepnest, which has fought claw and thread to retain its sovereignty against same-said settler king, and for which Herrah not only surrendered her life but also agreed to bed her worst enemy, all in hopes of securing a viable future for her people (put a pin in that last part by the way, I'll come back to it soon).

Two Worlds, One Family (Ft. An Indigenous Woman Trying Her Damndest To Work With What She's Got Versus An Imperialist Who Only Signed Up For This Because He Needed The Political Favor THAT Badly, So It's The Height Of Dysfunctional Actually). Fun times!!!!

The baggage this entails for Hornet is gnarly enough without implications made by The White Lady and the pre-canon timeline of events and even Team Cherry's dev notes that the king may well have looked at baby Hornet, gone "YOINK", then ensured she spent the lion's share of her childhood reared within the pearly auspices of his Pale Court*. That would be rather advantageous for Him Specifically after all, the potential to mold a born foe into a future ally and even have her trained in combat under the same tutelage as her doomed sibling. And far be it from him to stop a grown Hornet—his own flesh and blood too!—from making Deepnest her forever home if she so pleased. He totally wouldn't be reneging on his "fair bargain made" by doing this one simple thing until Hornet came of age, not t e c h nic c a l l y.

If that is indeed the case, there's a non-zero chance Hornet's formative years were a hot mess of cultural alienation and being a good deal more privy than most to just how much of a bastard her father could be. There's an equally non-zero chance that at some point she stood or sat within earshot as The Pale King finally, finally dropped all pretense and euphemism to name the Light for precisely what (for who) it was.

See, in conjunction with the question that started this whole dang train of thought I've been asking this one too: Does Hornet know? When she speaks of confronting "the heart of [the] infection" does she know she's talking about not just a literal person but someone very specific? The Radiance, who god though she may be shares skin in the game alongside Hornet as a native woman screwed over by the same settler king, likewise deprived of her kin and saddled with a life gone horrendously pear-shaped?

I'll assume for the sake of exploring the possibility and because I think it's a likely one anyway that yes, Hornet does know. She knows, and despite everything can't help empathizing. She might even look at Radiance and see bits and pieces both reflected and slightly inversed in her own mother: Radiance was forced to the sidelines while her people—her children, the brood she was meant to lead and care for—died out under The Pale King's rule, and it's no stretch to assume she's at least as upset about that as she has been about everything else; Herrah too took drastic measures for her people's sake, trying to head off annihilation by relegating herself to the sidelines in an act that was as much calculated risk as an attempt to find wiggle room and leverage in the face of a nasty proposition.

A calculated risk that, if things continue as they are, might well amount to nothing as the rest of Deepnest gets eaten alive by the infection. It survived The Pale King's advances for so so long, only to fall here. Herrah's sacrifice would be for naught; the other tribes—themselves the king's victims—would keep succumbing to the infection too.

And this is where things fall apart.

"... or the circumstance into which we are born."

Let's be clear: I think Hornet is wise enough to know what's what here, that all the carnage and suffering falls on her father's head for starting this slow-motion trainwreck in the first place. Hallownest wasn't always Hallownest. This domain was Radiance's home first, along with many others. It was the worm-turned-king who rolled up on the scene unsolicited and decided this was a ""'problem""" that had to be """solved""".

But the fact of the matter is that he's gone and The Radiance is here, raging, seemingly inconsolable. Above and beyond being Deepnest's rightful heir, Hornet isn't in a position to countenance more splash damage even if the grief and fury fueling it makes perfect sense. She can understand without ever bringing herself to love Radiance, and she can bend her knee to practicality even if she hates the everloving shit out of it because the fact that it "has" to end this way isn't fair.

This lends itself to one last awful conclusion: that Hornet has probably considered and (rightly or wrongly) discarded the possibility that Radiance can be saved, at least not without dragging more collateral along for the ride. If even her mother and every other enemy to the king seemed to dismiss talking Radiance down as an option way back when... well. Why should Hornet hope for any better after things have escalated so far?

Again, it's practical. A practical net good is what Hornet strives for. And again, it fucking sucks.

For extra tragedy points, this makes Hornet's extended crypticness around Ghost followed by her last minute casting about for a reason to tell them "Wait, don't; not just yet" that she never voices even more of a gut punch. She can't bring herself to burden Ghost with the context that haunts her so, least of all when it might weaken their resolve to go through with what (she thinks) needs doing.

It's the "same song, different verse" which led to the mantis tribe and Deepnest being pitted against each other: Hallownest rigged the game so that two women who could have been powerful allies—who have a mutual vested interest in driving out settler rule—wound up poised as enemies instead. And how awful is that? The king for all his being extremely fucking dead still gets the last laugh, because outside of a miracle the game never manifests Hornet can salvage what her mother started and look forward to a future where Deepnest pulls itself back from the brink if and only if The Radiance dies.

Resolution comes at the price of a completed genocide. Add two more dead siblings to the unconscionable pile thereof, while we're at it. That's what it boils down to whether or not Hornet can bear to articulate it as such, and there's no grace or even a properly bittersweet ending to wring from this clusterfuck. And that is rough.

———

* This has been better explained elsewhere, but a quick rundown: The White Lady tells Ghost that Hornet and Herrah "were permitted little time together." On its surface this can be taken to mean that Hornet was still very young when Herrah was shipped off to Eternal Dreamland—except this doesn't jive with the fact that we meet Hornet as an adult. If the stasis kicked in once the Dreamers went to their rest, which in turn halted the aging process for every living bug in Hallownest, AND before all this Hornet experienced little by the way of quality time with her birth mother... I think you can see where I'm going with this.

To top it off we've got Team Cherry weighing in ominously from their dev notes on Herrah: "As part of the agreement for her alliance and her role as a dreamer, King gave her a child (Hornet). Was she allowed to keep this child or was she taken away?" This isn't confirmation by itself of course, but given additional canon details (see above): Can I get a "yikes" in the chat fellas.

[what-if-nct]

It’s the way chenle made an Instagram just to follow Stephen Curry and some how get close to him, like??? You can’t make this shit up I swear😭😭 he’s literally only following him and his basketball team😭😭😭 anyway, the scream I let out when I saw he had insta, I love that man, but the only person in his heart, is fucking Stephen Curry, LIKE WHAT DOES HE HAVE THAT I DONT??? HES TAKEN CHENLE (I think) LOVE ME, CHOOSE ME

Stop that's so cute. His love for Stephen Curry is so cute. And He is taken. Ayesha Curry. I love her. I don't know much about her husband but I love her. But when he was watching a basketball game while cooking and and the video where Johnny and Mark were teaching Chenle English slang so he could talk to Stephen Curry when they meet which angered me on such a deep level. But we'll get to that later. It's not even surprising like he followed a couple of members but the order in which he followed them tells you his priorities. He followed Stephen Curry before any of the members. I really hope he gets to meet him, I really want that for him. I just know it will be the best day of his life. Why isn't SM making it happen. Surely they have some kind of pull somewhere to make it happen.

But I just hope Chenle forgot all of the nonsense Johnny and Mark were teaching him. Cause...I'm going to rant about something I mentioned before. Also I probably hold Johnny to the highest standard cause he has never done anything offensive at all, I just know the moment the stylist brings something stupid to him like braids and dreads he's like nah, I'm not doing that I'd rather wear 26in extensions. But the fact they were teaching him slang to better communicate with Stephen Curry when he's like in his 30s. When honestly they could have just helped Chenle better his English like normal, Chenle's English is already really good in the first place.

Like I know it was just for content but like it left a bad taste in my mouth. Like why would they teach slang that's pretty much aave specifically. I'll give the benefit of the doubt that it's just a subconscious connection but like it's giving. black people speak a specific way and here's how to better communicate with him cause he's black. Which is just not how things work, I've been told I talk white my whole life and been told "you act white' 'Act your color' my sister told me that and my sisters best friend told my best friend that. Also have been told 'I expected you to be ghetto but your not' Bitch I look emo as fuck what do you mean? this comes from both black and non black people. Like there isn't one specific way to be black,

But also if someone does talk like that they do not want a non black person to go up to them like 'Yo, yo whats up man' you just don't do that. There's no reason to do all of that. I'm not even articulating my point well enough. The way Mark and Johnny normally talk is totally fine, they incorporate slang in a normal chill way, but they were just doing too much. Even the way Mark personally uses 'Yo' is the proper way. Like they could have just taught him to casually use English without being too rigid or formal. But yeah. And it's just a sensitive topic to me. I'm sorry I just unloaded all of that. I know it's been a few years but it still angers me. Sorry.

[rosaaeles]

let's say you've been put in charge of a new thg adaptation, whether it's a new film series, a miniseries, or a tv show. you get complete creative control. what's one scene you would definitely make sure to include that did not make it into the movies? @anonymousinpanem

if I had complete creative control.... what a dream.

okay so,

id want to include the heavier topics for sure because whilst the movies clearly condemned the games, they never really did so for other things that are condemned in the books such as the treatment of the tribute as sex slaves. it's a great disservice to everything that the books handle and i would hate to make something which glossed over the same problems again. for example, i probably wouldn't use finnick talking about his abuse as the background audio when the d13 soldiers reduce the tributes in MJ. id make it the focal point of a scene so that the audience could focus on it properly.

i'd do age accurate casting so the audience wouldn't be able to miss the fact that the tributes are children. in the movies, most of the unnamed tributes are kids but katniss and peeta and cato should have been too. they're only like 16 in book one and depicting that accurately would have made the story hit home more imo. these are kids that are being made to fight in a death tournament.

i would have a lot more racial diversity in the cast instead of creating a world in which characters of colour exist only to die as martyrs or to further the plot and Katniss’s character development (Rue, Thresh, Cinna, Boggs). idk if this even makes sense, but Panem wouldn't be a world in which white people rebel against the establishment and BIPOC are either killed or depicted as failing in revolt. it wouldn't be post-racial. it would be a diverse country in which anyone can revolt, love, fight, and survive. the movies took away the chance for millions of non-white teenagers to see themselves at the forefront of a revolution, fighting for justice and im going to die mad about it so yep :')

i'd cast actors of colour in the roles of gale, katniss, haymitch and id cast a mixed race actress to play prim too! id dedicate more time to showing how drastically different the merchant class and the seam are instead of portraying d12 as culturally and racially homogenous. (i'd also include madge in it, i cant for the life of me understand why they cut her out)

in regards to the capitol, id paint it as grotesquely as possible; their overconsumption of resources, their facetious treatment of the games and the tributes, their total control over the districts etc etc - id try to denounce the capitol as much as possible in order to highlight its parallels with the global north. i think the movies shied away from things like this and, as a result, created a world which the audience could just view as completely separate rather than making something which clearly mirrors the present day

also! i would include the fact that peeta's leg was amputated below the knee and he has a prosthetic. the way the movies ignored this has always pissed me off and idk why they shied away from it honestly, so yeah i would include that definitely!

im rapidly running out of things to say so I'll end it here, I hope that's okay!

[bisexualmaedhros]

ok writing this under a readmore in case tumblr puts it into any main tags. i won't be adding any of them to this, but i know these days tumblr sometimes takes words from the post itself and i don't want to write every prominent name with a bunch of substituted letters or slashes or anything. so.

negative thoughts re: beleg/túrin (romantic) and russingon (romantic) under the cut

obligatory disclaimer that i can't tell you what to ship and i'm not trying to, i'm just putting my own opinions on my own blog, in case there happen to be anyone else who feels the same way. as the old adage goes: don't like, don't read.

i'm not going to say that these ships are completely unfounded, nor am i the type of person to insist that a ship have canon "evidence" to back it. i can see where people are coming from and why they like the ships.

i, personally, do not at all and they make me quite uncomfortable.

they do seem to be some of the biggest ships in the silm fandom though (especially russingon), so they can be pretty hard to avoid sometimes even with tags blocked. usually i would just avoid creators who make content for these types of ships altogether, but it feels like everyone who makes art for the silmarillion consistently ships at least one.

in other media, i'd be a lot harder on ships like these (incest with russingon and uncomfortable age gap with túrin/beleg, but i'll get to that second one later). but at least with the silmarillion they feel... less out of line than in other stories, if that makes sense? silm feels more like reading a mythology collection rather than a novel, and often in mythology there are relationships that are... not great. and i could probably write a whole separate thing about that, but that's for another time if i ever do it at all.

túrin/beleg & russingon still make me greatly uncomfortable, but they at least feel a little more tonally in line with their original work than other instances i've seen of popular incest or age gap ships in other fandoms. whatever. it's just frustrating sometimes, with maedhros being my favorite silm character, that he's 1/2 of an incredibly popular incest ship. it's already bad enough when you like a character that's part of a main ship because then it's a lot harder to find fan content for them that's not purely ship-related, but the incest thing definitely makes it a lot worse.

ok, i'll talk about the túrin/beleg thing now. usually i'm kind of a sucker for the doomed immortal/mortal stories (i love beren and lúthien!). i think the lifespan/aging thing between humans and elves can pose some complications, sure, but generally i'm okay with it as long as they meet when they're both adults. i mean, the same with humans in general— a seven year age gap between a 19 year old and a 26 year old is a bigger difference developmentally than one between a 49 year old and a 56 year old.

but the thing that makes me uncomfortable is that beleg knew túrin since the latter was a child. if i'm understanding everything, he was sort of a mentor figure for túrin? right? so i really don't like the implications of them later having a romantic relationship (or, god, i hope that at least if they do, it is actually later).

i'm not saying you should never write about fucked up situations or relationships. i'm a fan of the silmarillion, for god's sake. i'm just talking about stuff that makes me personally uncomfortable. AND. i've been thinking about it.

i may be totally off the mark here, but it does sometimes feel like these ships are kind of born out of a lot of fandom's impulse to ship whatever handsome (usually white) guys they can, rather than looking at alternatives or appreciating non-romantic bonds.

don't take this as a "men aren't allowed to be just friends anymore!" thing. what i'm saying is:

why do these relationships have to be viewed through a romantic lens in order for their intensity to be seen as justified or worthy of portraying in art?

is it not enough that maedhros and fingon be cousins and best friends, supporting each other through The Horrors despite everything? why does it have to be romantic for people to appreciate its weight?

is it not enough for beleg to be a dear mentor to túrin, one who didn't give up on him once? a friend? a companion?

the prevalence of these ships in specifically romantic contexts just feels to me like another example of how many people view non-romantic love as secondary or not as interesting. and it kind of feels like it can sometimes keep us from appreciating and building on the dynamics given to us in canon already.

[athena-is-a-chaotic-lil-shit]

Of Ice and Blood

Part 5

Look who's back with a 5k+ word count chapter?! Me!

I was planning on posting 1k+ at a time but stuff happened and I'm posting it all at once!

Enjoy and I'd appreciate it dearly if you reblog! Thank you!

Edit: Reached the 250 block limit so... The inevitable decision had to be made! Part 5 has a total of 3.42k words! The rest will be in a separate post <3

Pairing: Tai'chi Kashharzol (Orc) x Pearl Blackbell (Human OC/Reader)

Warnings: Cursing, Violence, brief mentions of blood and injury.

Overall SFW (but 16+ for language)

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4 Part 6

*

The walk back to the school building was quiet.

Or so I thought.

Because it wasn't. At all.

Whispers, mutterings, echoed from the rooms as we passed by.

Are they doing it on purpose, or is my hearing sharper than usual?

"Hey look it's that girl."

"You mean the freak who sat beside the orc—"

"First day of school and someone already got killed. Should've expected him to be a savage."

"You think she wears a mask to hide her identity? Maybe she's a criminal-"

Probably the latter.

I shrugged. There stood a decent amount of distance between us anyway. So it's likely my hearing.

Students were watching us with weird suspecting eyes from a distance behind the windows. Sensing apprehension and outward hate when they saw Tai'chi next to me, his face in a neutral expression. But with my nose at this proximity, he smells pretty annoyed.

Just— why are there so many people,— humans–garnering these feelings towards someone they don't even know! And to even mock him like that! How dare —

"Pearl," Tai'chi called. His rich voice resonating, making the gossips of the students stop for a brief moment before they continued. Most likely slandering my name now. I didn't know I was standing still. Looking up, Tai'chi was a decent 9 meters away, with the staff members further ahead of him. He gave me a wondering look, worry along with his natural fragrance, drifted through me, carried by air.

I straightened up and took long strides, Tai'chi beside me, to catch up with them.

"Yeah, just thinking. I'm okay." Replying, not looking up to him. He didn't ask, but I felt like he would.

************short pov shift************

He was a bit bothered by the change in your scent and looked back when he noticed you weren't beside him anymore. There you were, standing in the middle of the wide hallway, brows scrunched up in aggravation.

He called out to you, probably a little louder than he meant to, but you looked up and hastily made your way beside him, both of you catching up to the rest towards the dean's office. He didn't ask, but you answered, only making him worry even more.

**********first person pov**************

As soon as we entered the main office of the center building, we were greeted with the sight of the dean and David, together with Miss Holson. He was a white fat man, though a bit taller than me, wearing a light grey suit with a few buttons open revealing a white undershirt, and a silly yellow, violet polka dot tie. I barely held back from snorting at the sight.

Mr. Silverstone was fussing over his son, his voice raised in slight panic was heard by everyone.

They went ahead of us then.

"My son! My dear, dear David! Who did this to you?!" he cried out. Once David, that son of a bitch, spotted me, he flashed me that blasted grin of his. He was acting, pretending to be hurt.

I hardly even left a scratch on him for fuck's sake. How I regret not punching him straight in the face.

Reverting to his fake, frightened, and miserable state, he pointed at me. "I-I-It's her father! She is the one who attacked me! Along with that thing with her."

Thing?! That sick bastard!

The dean whipped his head in my direction, eyes scanning me up and down before he diverted them to Tai'chi.

Well, it seems I'll ve packing up sooner than I thought.

My shoulders sagged.

Some professors were alarmed by this, frantically pushing forward to grab his attention.

"Mr. Silverstone, we still do not know what's for certain. We must interrogate them properly and listen to each of their sides before we make a decision." Mr. Dulrik asserted, his voice strained and close to animosity. He was not pleased with what the student had said.

The elder professor from earlier followed up.

"Listen to Mr. Dulrik, sir. We cannot take any risks and ju—"

"Silence!" the dean shouted. "I will not hear your reasoning. My son has told me everything I need to know. Miss Holson supported his claims and that's enough to decide what to do with these criminals."

Criminals?!

"The girl and that orc shall be expelled from this institution immediately. We do not need any murderers or barbarians here. I have always suspected why that Ernestine brat even allowed these monstrosities to be with us. To breathe the same air and walk the same land as we do, endangering our safety no less! A pathetic excuse of a founder she is! If it were me I would've—"

"You would've what?" Words came out before I stopped myself, my voice low, but it was heard still, drawing their attention to me.

"What did you just say?" He demanded, his anger slipping out more. The room was silent, except for the subtle ticking of the wall clock behind me, and the movement of air around us.

I lifted my head and looked at him dead in the eye. "You would've what?" This time, I replied, louder.

Before he could retort I went on, emotion fueling my words as I advanced with every question asked.

"Would've banned every single, non-human race from the university?

"Would've taught every human that they are greater beings and the ones that were different were meant to be stepped on?

"Would've ordered and tolerated bullying on anyone who was unnatural and weird looking?

"Would've put them in their place?

Isolate them? Degrade them? Despise them for being alive?" No-one stopped me as I approached him, the teachers separating and making way. Even Mr. Dulrik was regarding me curiously.

I scoffed. " 'If it were me' you said. You think I wouldn't notice how everyone else, that isn't human, was oppressed and treated like shit in this school? It seems to me that you already did what you would've done, didn't you? You are no dean, you are a clown, a pillock, a dumbass, and you call yourself human? You are more monster than any of us in this room."

I breathed heavily as I stood a couple of feet in front of him. His face grew to a crimson hue, my ears catching the sound of smoke seething out of him. At the back, David and Miss Holson were dumbfounded, shocked into place, shaken like ugly statues.

Finally, the dean spoke, his fists clenching hard as he faced me, almost drawing blood.

I am so gonna beat him up. Hell yeah, I will.

"Keep out of trouble if you can." Well, shit happened Mama, forgive me.

"How dare you speak to me like that! I, a pure-blood Silverstone, a line of royalty! If we were still at war I would've had you executed from where you stand—"

"How about you do it yourself then, oh mighty Silverstone jerk?" I mocked and gave a toothy smile, then I remembered he wouldn't see it. That was all it took to have him launching himself at me, the professors running to the sides to avoid his wrath.

His hands were balled tight, a fist aiming for my face, eyes filled with deadly intent.

Oh, he really wants to kill me.

Before it connected, I sidestepped, causing him to stumble forward. Even so, he immediately regained his balance and reached to grab my hoodie. I didn't dodge this time, but before he touched me, I used my right hand to slap it away. With my other hand, fitted with my crimson knuckle dusters, I met his fist with mine. Almost instantly, he stumbled back and crouched down, his left hand holding his bloodied one.

"You bitch!!!" he screamed in agony.

I think I broke his hand.

I glanced to my brass knuckles, some of the blood covering them, merely visible because of its color.

Shattered it perhaps.

"I will have you killed you insolent brat! I'll kill you!" he cursed.

"Now, now, Silverstone, you will do no such thing." A feminine voice cut through the large room. We all turned to the door to see a slim, tall, tanned woman who seemed to be in her 40s, her slightly wrinkled face showing it. She was wearing a black high-waist pencil skirt paired with a black one-button suit and a baby blue undershirt. The lady also wore classic white loafers and white hand gloves made of leather, with her ebony hair tied up in a bun.

Everything about her screams 'important'. I scented an intimidating yet reassuring aura around her.

I met her eyes and a sense of familiarity fell upon me. I know her and I've seen her before.

Wait. Could it be— she's—

"Madame Ernestine!" A professor exclaimed.

That means she's, "The founder," I said out loud.

She began sauntering in my direction, each step clicking on the floor, carrying herself with grace.

"M-Ma-Madame Ernestine!" The dean, shrieked as he stood up, shaking, his busted hand in his chest, his back facing me. "I didn't expect you to visit this year! We could've prepared for your arrival—"

"You shut your mouth now Welmir." She spoke out, her voice firm and borderline hostile. "I've had enough of your blabbering mug. I made it so that my arrival is unexpected. Leaving my outside duties rather early and rushed this year when news got to me that you, the dean, were neglecting your duties, or so, doing it wrong. Not to mention I had my assistant install extra cameras in... certain places last year and because of that, I saw what you did in the shadows. Maybe not all, but it confirmed my suspicions of you, and so," She clapped her together, "I decided to visit you today. And what a surprise it was to see you get beaten up by this lovely young lady behind you."

Me?! Lovely—

My face warmed from her comment.

"Listen here, brat." he regarded the founder. The founder. "I do not know what you are talking about. I have done my duties and more for this university. I made it so that everyone here is safe and this girl,"— he spat— "harmed me, my precious son, and his friends!"

"And all of you deserved it, severely," she responded flatly. "You put my dear students at risk and antagonized them with your schemes, tolerating the behavior of treating other races like animals, disrespecting even the professors who are different in kind," she glanced at Mr. Dulrik and the others. "You even forced a minotaur, an elf, and a dwarven student to act the part of being in a student council, hoping people wouldn't notice the crimes you did behind our backs. Did you expect me to turn blind eye to this?"

It was all pretend?!

The mere thought of what he did to threaten them to it makes me wanna puke.

"I am furious, Welmir Silverstone. To think I believed you'd change your ways after my father's death with the renovation of the institute. Trusted you to do your job as dean and make the students comfortable, welcomed. But, no. You chose to follow his footsteps, became selfish, blinded by greed and pointless hate. You are a disappointment to all of us."

I smelled her rage under that near non-expressive facade of hers. It was spicy, like fire having an odor of its own.

"You are but a child! You know nothing of this world! This world of ours needs to be purged off of those rats. You cannot tell me what to do!" He yelled as he brought up his uninjured hand to hit her. I was about to step in when Madame Ernestine grabbed his arm and threw a right uppercut, blood spilling out of his jaw. The punch sent him a few steps back, he would have landed on me if I didn't move out of the way before he collapsed on the floor groaning and holding his mouth.

Ooh she's strong! Nice! I grinned.

"You are hereby stripped off of your job as dean along with all of your titles, properties, and henceforth banished from these grounds, together with your son and Emma Holson, whom I found out laid with him, and the abusive acts they had engaged in." Her words laced with poison, disgust and anger as she gave the final judgement.

"Never show yourselves. Ever. Again," she spat. "Take them away."

Out of nowhere, men in black suits came in and apprehended the young instructor, who twisted her heel trying to escape. She yelled at them to let her go, saying she has done nothing wrong. David, the bastard, was held in place by one of them as he struggled in their grasp. The dean— or should I say, Mr. Silverstone, in pain and bleeding, was dragged up by two others and headed straight out of the door. He shouted ;

"Mark my words, brat! I will—"

And the door slammed close.

With my gaze following them, my eyes landed on Tai'chi. I took off my dusters and waved, tucking them back up my sleeve.

He is smiling! And oh wow he's damn gorgeous— wait what?

My attention was drawn away to the lady in front of me. I got distracted by Tai'chi that I almost forgot about her.

"Oh my God I uhm— hello Madame Ernestine." I took one step back before bowing. "It's an honor to meet you. I—"

"Oh dear, please raise your head. No need for such formal gestures. I am Valerie Ernestine, founder of the new Ernestine State University." She stated as she beamed at me.

"I uh- Yes ma'am I know of you. I'm quite a fan actually— I mean! My name is Pearl Blackbell, ma'am."

Oh God, that sounded so stupid.

Then she hugged me.

"Ma'am?!" I squeaked. My arms went stiff, nervous to even touch her. Before I could, she pulled back, a gentle expression on her face.

"Nice to meet you, Pearl Blackbell."

"I- nice to meet you too Ma'am Ernestine!" I stammered, praying my face and ears isn't as red as I feel them to be.

"Please, call me Valerie."

"Ma'am Valerie."

"Just Valerie, dear."

"I'm so sorry ma'am but I can't— my mother will hit me in the head with a frying pan if I forget my manners."

"Very well, then. It brings me joy that you were raised properly by your parents."

"Thank you ma'am, I really am happy to have them, and I only hope for them to be proud of me— oh wait. Uh, ma'am Valerie?"

"Yes?"

"Am I gonna get punished or expelled?" I shrunk, expecting the worst.

"Why ever did you think of that?"

"W-Well you see, I did harm uh, students and they're probably in the infirmary right now and—"

"Oh, Pearl, no." She let out a light chuckle. "You won't be punished or even expelled for that! In fact, I saw how you defended yourself and your friend from them. They did attack you first, sweetie. And what you did was impressive!" She clapped her hands. As I stood there in relief, I couldn't help but shot up when the words sank in.

"Oh, thank you. But how...?"

"Apparently, I had my assistant install some cameras in the forest area for particular reasons. I watched you from the monitor as I made my way here," she replied.

"Oh. Oh, wow. That's actually pretty awesome," I sighed.

"Indeed, it is," she smiled. "Excuse me for a bit."

******pov shift to 2nd person (two characters)*****

Madame Ernestine turned and walked towards the remaining teachers to talk about important matters at hand.

"Greetings, my friends." She beamed at the staff and looked at Professor Dulrik and the woman who supported him earlier. "Hello, Roldo and Amila. I have missed you dearly." She bent down to hug the two of them before she went on. "I apologize for not taking action immediately. To think he did this to all of you right under my nose! Why didn't you contact me Roldo?"

"My apologies, Madame Ernestine. I didn't have any proof to show his plot against you and the others. He was very elusive and kept us very busy in our own offices for the past year with you away. That was until today, with the young lady over there standing up against his son, he snapped."

"It really is a good thing she came here, didn't she?" she whispered.

"Indeed, Madame," Amila replied.

There was a brief silence, before Valerie spoke up again. Her gaze locked at the dwarven professor.

"Roldo, my old friend, I want you to take your place as the new dean of this university. I trust you to do your duty a hundred percent better than that impudent man ever did. Will you accept this responsibility?"

"I- Valerie this is-"

"Roldo, you are wise and have seen things most of us here have not. I will not force you on something you do not want, but I put my faith in you, to help me, along with the rest of the staff, to teach everyone here that all of us stand in equal ground, and that we must respect and acknowledge each individual, regardless of their kind. No one, no student, should ever feel uncomfortable in this haven of mine."

"I understand, Valerie." The dwarf took a deep breath and vowed;

"I, Roldo Dulrik, son of Grol II, son of Frerin, accept the responsibilities given to me as dean of Ernestine State University. I will do my duty to the best of my abilities, and remain loyal to you and to this institution." He responded as he thumped his right fist against his chest.

"I know you will, my friend." Valerie grinned at him, her eyes full of trust and hope.

While they were occupied with discussing certain issues, you tried to sneak away, only to be called back by Madame Ernestine.

"Pearl, my dear."

"Yes ma'am?"

"Thank you."

She had a soft smile, emotions clear on her face, directed at you. The founder, Valerie was thanking you for your bravery, kindness and overall honesty. You simply nodded and grinned from ear to ear behind your mask. You were, however, suddenly nervous when Valerie and the two professors approached you. No, actually, all of them were, but the others are heading out of the office, perhaps to go back to their respective classrooms and start working, they gave their thanks as they went out.

"Pearl Blackbell, a wonderful name!" Professor Dulrik remarked. "May the Gods bless you and shine upon you in all your days," he grinned. Before you could reply, Professor Amila hugged you and whispered. "Thank you, for beating up those idiots," —which made you giggle— "It was the right thing to do, and also I had to defend myself. and thank you, Professor Dulrik."

"Nonsense, call me Professor Roldo, lass." He patted your shoulder as he went past you and out of the office, but not before he slapped Tai'chi's forearm.

"You best protect her if you can, lad. Even so, it is obvious she won't need protecting!" He laughed, and went on, quietly, as if whispering. "...Be her friend, my boy. Her eyes...they show the pain she had gone through. You saw that in her, didn't you?"

Tai'chi simply nodded in response. He knew what he meant.

"Then do what you must. If word ever comes to me that you hurt her, I will hunt you down with me battle axe hidden in my office, you hear?"

This time, he chuckled. "I hear you, Professor. I won't. I swear on the the name of my clan, no harm will befall on her." He told him, his voice firm and true.

"That's what I'm talking about, lad!" He replied as he finally exited the room.

Tai'chi shifted his gaze to you. You and the dean were still talking so he stood there, patiently.

"We best be on our way. We still have a number of things to set straight. We will see you around, Miss Blackbell. Don't get into trouble now." The founder giggled.

"I will try my best, ma'am."

"Oh sure you will, sweetie. Goodluck. And oh, the two of you should start going back. It's past lunchbreak afterall." She said as the two ladies sauntered past you and went out.

"Thank you, we will." You said, mostly to yourself.

**************************************

Part 6 will be posted shortly! Like, shortly shortly. Like, an hour or so shortly. Stay tuned! Thank you for reaching this point uwu✨

Tags: @crackinanutshell @kokokatsworld @mitchiesdungeon <3

[hopeymchope]

I don’t know what the DR team plans on doing... (if they’re planning on anything other than more fluff) but I just, and I know this is going to sound crazy but DO NOT want any more Non-fluff DR additions because I’m literally scared for Makoto and Kyoko. We saw what they did to them in future arc... I’m not sure how long our Lucky boy’s luck can last if they decide to pull something else. I just want them to be happy and I have SO much fear...

I'm pretty much with you on this. But of course, I have complex and very wordy thoughts. Lol.

Firstly: If they tried to do a direct sequel to the Hope's Peak Saga without Kodaka involved? I suppose we could just try to take the approach that "The original creator didn't do this, so it doesn't count." However, I'd really rather not have to deal with that. Even when I try to take that mentality, there are sometimes sequels that are so goddamn damaging and so fucking inescapable that it remains very hard to deal with their existence. *side-eyeing unnamed franchises*

Secondly: I admit that I often love the whole "The adventures continue" mentality of thinking that maybe they all went on to have additional brushes with danger in minor ways. Emphasis on "minor ways." A one-off short story where they have to deal with additional Despair loyalists or sub-remnants for a day? Sure. A fighting game between all the characters that takes place in a digital world? Sounds like fun.

But absolutely no more killing games. No more brushes with apocalyptic scenarios. I agree with you that they've absolutely earned their happy ending, and I think the "Hope's Peak Saga" should be left as-is.

Thirdly: They can still do more games in the main series without bothering you, me, or the 1/2/UDG/3 casts, though. Because V3 was an alternate universe scenario, and I think that's where they need to keep any major follow-up games. To me, that's how you do more "full" DR entries. And they've already gone there once, so it's low-hanging fruit!

I guess I might be ok with another killing game in the Hope's Peak universe if it involves zero of the surviving characters that we've previously met, but I'd still be scared that they'd wind up implying something super-damaging about the broader world therein. So why bother? I'd rather just stick to different universes. Hell, build up another AU over multiple games. Do something completely separate from the Hope's Peak world, and let it develop its own mythology.

Speculation/Brainstorming Time: Maybe the most talented young people in various fields of study within this new world are all invited to some kind of Talent Development Conference, and that's how you get a new collection of Ultimates in one place who've never met before. They get trapped in a high-rise hotel where they're staying for the conference, blah blah Monokuma something something murder. Who built the black-and-white animatronic bear? Definitely not the Towa Group; they don't exist. Who masterminded this killing game? Someone who has never heard of any "Junko Enoshima"; she doesn't exist. Totally new territory. That's what I want.

Maybe you don't even need "Ultimates"/SHSL people! Honestly, the DR3 Future Arc was a killing game full of grown-ass adults, so you don't even need the cast to be teenagers. Really, you just need a killing game with a decent cast who are forced into some kind of "trials" or other accusatory scenarios... and Monokuma shows up.

Details beyond those can be whatever you like. Get creative.

[nikosomething]

Heyyyy! I'm back again. Sorry it took a while to send this ask! Mmm I'd choose the lan sect cuz I need some form of structure in my life lol. I'm not too bad with rules either. But I'd definitely hate their food. I eat wwx levels of spicy and hence I'd like to join the jiang sect haha. Also, their sword forms look nice? YASSS We'd LOOK SO GOOD! 💙🖤 ooh I like what you read. I like reading pining, arranged marriage aus, crack fics, post canon fics, missing scenes, I like canon divergence aus that concentrate on characters other than wwx and lwj. I also like fics with sad endings haha. (1/4)

I'm a big multishipper, too! There's no ship that I don't like? My favorites would be wangxian and sangcheng though. I'm always up to reading these two ships, but I'd read anything really. I feel yah, I do. I can't pick a junior either. I love them all dearly but I tend to get bored if lan jingyi isn't there in junior fics? I need Jingyi to be a major part of the fic if I'm to like it haha. (2/4)

I loooooove Asian cuisine. My favorite is Indian! All that spice, you know? I hope you ate good food since you made yourself hungry answering that lol. Your answer about the seasons is so detailed and beautiful? I love?? Mmmm my favorite season is the rainy season. It's the best. I love the melancholy, the cold and the sound of water tapping against the windows. I'd rather stay at home than venture outside in the rain tho! Winter is the most comfortable time for me, really. I hate the summer! I love the cold and end of the year is my favorite time! (3/4)

Now questions! Have you read any other mxtx works? Also, if you could change one thing is mdzs, what would it be? Do you have any post canon wangxian headcanons? Oooh, what's your favorite wangxian moment in CQL? General questions- do you celebrate Christmas? If you do, are you excited and how do you celebrate? Do you drink coffee or tea or neither or something else? What other shows have you watched except CQL this year? Aight, that's so many questions haha. (4/4) See you soon- 🐰

_______

Heyyyy my dear bunny! I missed ya! But don’t worry, life gets busy sometimes, so take all the time you need <3

Whoahhhh so cool that you can eat intensely spicy food!! I am trying to get used to spicy stuff, but I got a looong way to go haha I detect every gain of pepper or chili or whatever so I am only making slow progress, but I do enjoy spice - up to the level I can take without ending up all red and teary-eyed haha I enjoy good food a lot, too. I like to have some variation so I’d probably be unhappy if I had to only ever eat the Lan cuisine, too hahaha

Ohhhh arranged marriage, people keep recommending it to me - I shoudl really give it a go at some point! Any good fics you wanna recommend? And omggg sad endings!!! Whoah, I bow to you! I’s always pick a happy ending but then again the ending has to fit the need of the story, so I suppose if a happy ending would feel forced then pls gimme a sad one, perhaps even one we can all learn from And yessss, there are so many amazing characters in MDZS I totally get why you’d wanna read about them!! <3

Ah Sangcheng! It’s quite the popular ship I feel. I think it’s cute and a close friend of mine really loves them, too. I bet they’d be excited if I got into that ship as well haha What do you love about Sangcheng? (sell it to meh hahaha, get me hooked) JINGYI!! Yes, he’d the spice we need in the junior fics! He is just so much fun! I think all of them together make such a perfect and well-balanced mix! Perf flavour hahaha What’s it with all the food references here. Am I mildly thinking about food again? Whaaaat Ohhhh Indian!!! (here we go again w the food hahaha) Damn I love Indian food! I cant take the spice so I always go for the noob dished, but they are amazing,t oo! What makes you hate the summer? Do you dislike sweating? You make it sound so cozy ahhh, I am happy we get to spend your fav season together, then, my dear bunny!! I love these timeless days between christmas and the beginning of the new year. It feels like everything is catching its breath and makes whatever you can think of become a bit more possibe

MXTX-related Questions

So far I haven’t read any other works of MXTX, but I think I wanna get to the one with the demonic guy in red and the white soft one next. What was it called? Heaven something? Now TMI tells me ‘City of Heavenly Fire’ which is absolutely not helpful. Uhm.. I could look it up, but then u wouldn’t witness my absolutely entertaining struggle of trying to make my brain work. The Scumbag Self Serving System (did I get that one right) is the first novel if I am correct. And then there is the Heavenly Helper... No... uhm Mysteries of Heaven... Heaven’s Helping Hand... I don’t think it’s getting any better here. I even watched the Donghua trailer wtf why can’t I remember hahaha... Voices of Heaven (that sounds like an American Singing Contest) Okay... imma look it up now.  HEAVEN’S OFFICIAL BLESSING! that one. I was so close Have you read any other works? <3

If I could change one thing in MDZS, what would it be? I would want for XXC and XY to not die, thank you. But then again how about non of my baes die? Okay, lemme try again, to get an impressive and seemingly deep reply... Have Meng Yao realise what kind of a horrible butt his dad is early enough to prevent most of the bad things that happen. I am not sure - but what’s your idea on this one?

My favourite WangXian moment? In CQL it’s the one where they are both at the Cloud Recesses, watching the snowflakes dance through the air. Their bond feels so deep there! Or the one where they are at the lantern thing and WWX get’s LWJ the bunny lantern. Just... the pure happiness. Or the one where they are bold husbands and run away from Carp Tower. Is it even humanly possible to pick just one moment?? Which one is it for you?

General Questions

Do I celebrate Xmas? Yes, I do! I go to my mom’s place for Xmas, where we have dinner and then her boyfriend puts on his super old, super old and worn-out Santa clothes (which is very endearing, cause he is always having the time of his life). Then he hands us our presents which are gathered under the decorated Xmas tree and we have to cite a poem or sing to earn each present. Afterwards we all unpack together, excitedly thanking each other, have dessert and then watch a movie or a video of our past christmasses someone put together It’s all very wholesome. How about you?

Coffee, tea or something else? I like Moccachino, cause it’s an amazing hybrid of coffee and cocoa!! It’s best with coconut milk! That kind of coffee makes me feel all cozy and comfy, but I handle it like a treat. I only drink one, while a close friend of mine drinks several cups of milky coffee a day. I also love cocoa, but I drink it like others drink espresso. I tiny highly concentrated cup. No more. Like a shot of chocolate hahaha I don’t have much of a sweet tooth, but sometimes I crave it. As for tea, I looove herbal tea! Peppermint and Fennel Caraway Anise are amazing. Also freshly brewed ginger tea. And green tea with jasmine/flower blossoms or white tea. Big love for these. All of which without sugar so the flavour comes out to speak of its very own beauty I also like mate tea to keep me awake! Otherwise I love water or - omg - freshly pressed apple juice! The! best! Try it if you aren’t allergic! AHHHH that is honestly THE TREAT for me. Rare treat. I don’t even have it once a year. More like every four years or so. But dang. The. best. How about you? <3

Which shows have I watched this year? Many. Lots of cooking shows (on Netflix), cause, you know, food. xD By now I probably know almost all of them. There was a time when I was thoroughly up to date with ALL cooking shows on Netflix. One of my big dreams is being wealthy enough to hire a cook. To cook for me every day. Yes, yes. Otherwise lots of Asian shows. I can recommend:

Hotel Del Luna (omg, do urself a favour, judging from what I know about your taste I think you will like it a lot) also The King Eternal Monarch (good one, very good one)

I also watched Eternal Love and Eternal Love The Pillowbook, which were okay, but they aren’t my favourites Cinderella and the Four Knights was sweet Accidentally in Love was fun but has some major plot holes in my opinion I enjoyed She-Ra Who Are You moved me quite a bit ahhhh Extraordinary You was quite the ride, too!

What are your 2020 shows?

[bi-dazai]

The wachowski thing is insanely complicated, not in that the wachowskis came out as trans or whatever, that's simple, but in the response. I'd also like to bring up that had they come out nowadays they'd be "stanned" and much of their previous instances of racism would be swept under the rug, when their racism has been one of the forefront criticisms of their work. Furthermore they were some of the first celebrities to come out as trans to have that actually respected by the industry - the box set names were changed and film credits rewritten for new releases. The media also mostly referred to them by their new names when they opted to. However there is a great deal of transphobia, particularly in deadnaming, that has occurred, with a rather blasé attitude abt the wachowskis names. It's considered fine to deadname them by many film studies - in fact, my film studies intro textbook has a section where the chapter author refers to them as the wachowski brothers. This book was a fifth edition, but the chapter was up to date and was released in 2012, meaning that the way to credit them was as "the wachowskis". I'm not afraid to drop the name - William Whittington - of who wrote this chapter, which included analyses on Avatar and District 9 which were not available in the previous edition of the book, meaning he had time to update his referencing.

Furthermore, Lana IS credited by her actual name in a later chapter (by a different author) referencing Bound as a piece of lesbian film (the chapter is by Chris Jones, thank you)

The textbook has an editor - Jill Nelmes - and in the publication of books an editor seeks to keep consistency in all chapters. Yet the idea of fluctuating Lana into her deadname in an earlier chapter and then properly naming her isn't seen as an inconsistency, it's seen as something that's acceptable to do, that people will get. And it WAS like that - studying film even now will get you fluctuating accreditations of the wachowskis, and nobody criticises it because this is seen as the normal. Accrediting the wachowskis by their actual names and not using their deadnames is considered going above and beyond instead of just...referencing the correct person.

This is what I mean by the wachowskis occupying a strange space in cinema studies. Their work has a lot of gay and trans undertones and tones that is incredibly important to analysing gay and trans rep in Hollywood cinema and television (ie sense8). But the misnaming of them isn't considered an important issue to correct, and to younger gay and trans people their identities as well as the (very famous) trans analysis of the matrix is almost totally erased. Maybe it's because the film isnt relevant on the technical scale it presented itself as, but it's still a relevant trans text. Yet if people - especially young online white gay culture - knew about it we would have this "stan" culture, and an inability to recognise a creator's flaws and criticisms. I've seen this happen a lot with white gays and transes - attaching to an lgbt creator/actor and praising everything they do without recognising or even bullying down the criticisms of poc and qpoc. We've already seen this with sense8's cancellation being equivalised with the cancellation of shows like the get down by creators of colour. The wachowskis and their work has been criticised for bad and misrepresentations of diversity, and the matrix itself has been criticised by some for stealing Japanese and other Asian aesthetics and ideas and populating it with mostly white faces. Sense8 received criticism for its treatment of its non-white characters, resorting to misrepresentations of black characters and stereotypical presentations of its non-european characters. Cloud Atlas is infamous for its modern update on yellow face. Had the wachowskis been relevant and present trans figures to the online white gay/trans youth culture of today we would inevitably have this stan culture - we almost did with sense8 - which upholds the wachowskis transness above their whiteness and uses it and their struggles as trans women as a device to silence criticism of their work from poc. It's why I'm not sohappy allowing ppl who engage in this weird dani-midsommar-stan behaviour find out the wachowskis ae trans, because I am fearful that the consistent aspects of racism that have followed with almost every work they have put out will be stifled under the feet of a thousand racist white gays.

[silvyri]

I'd never heard if this one for soulmates before! 22 the one where it’s impossible to lie to your soulmate. Spideypool, especially if they don't figure it out at first meet b/c Spidey's pretty honest even when annoyed and Deadpool distracts instead of outright lying usually (and super-bro-code doesn't try to pry into the secret identity)

The one where it’s impossible to lie to your soulmate.

People say the most outrageous lies when they meet a person for the first time to see if they’re their soulmate. Peter thinks that’s what Deadpool is doing, except the man just keeps on saying the most ridiculous things to him even after their first meeting.

“I’ll give you my entire Dora the Explorer DVD collection if you let me lick your pecs just once!”

“I wanna tongue punch your fart box!”

“Hey Spidey, I dream about your juicy ass at least twice a night, and I don’t need to be asleep to do it!”

“I’d give up saying chimichangas if you go on a date with me, and let me tell you, it ain’t no lie when I say that the word chimichangas makes up like 50% of my diary entries each day so I hope you understand how far I’m willing to go for you!”

“You’re the most beautiful thing I’ve seen in my life, and I was at the Super-Bowl when the Janet Jackson nip-slip happened!”

And Peter likes to think he’s a polite dude. He humours Deadpool for a bit, because yeah, he kind of might like the guy, just a teeny tiny bit, and some of the things he says are rather flattering, if vulgar, and Peter doesn���t have the best self esteem in the world. Sometimes it’s nice to hear he has the booty of a Greek God, and that his knees (why knees? Deadpool you are so weird) are totally lickable. But after a bloody and long skirmish with Electro he’s singed and tired and totally knows that the ten block radius of damage that resulted from the fight is going to be blamed on Spider-Man tomorrow, so yeah, when Deadpool shows up out the blue and starts hitting on him Peter kind of snaps.

“No, I don’t want to take a ride on your disco stick!” He growls, “can’t you see that I’m a little tired here?”

“Sorry, Webs.” Deadpool at least has the sense to look a little ashamed under his mask. “Uh, what I meant to say, is that do you want some help getting home? The Dead-taxi is here, at your service!”

“No,” Peter grumbles from his spot collapsed against the fire escape. “I just need some rest, is all. Away from annoying mutants who can’t seem to shut up and catch the hint that I kind of want to be alone right now!”

“...Sorry,” Deadpool whispers, his shoulders sagging. Peter feels a little sting of remorse, and then squashes it down with a surge of annoyance. “Do you want me to leave?”

And Peter’s irritated and sore and bruised all over but the worst thing is he’s mostly annoyed at himself, because there’s a big part of him that wants Deadpool to stay, to pick him up in his ridiculously muscled arms and cradle him against that big broad chest and take him home and cuddle him of all things, and it’s entirely that small part of him that’s prickly and pissed off about having a crush on Deadpool that makes him open his mouth and say “yes.”

But the thing is, he can’t say it. His mouth hangs open and his lips make the right shape but his vocal chords refuse to work and Peter almost had a heart attack when he realises that he can’t lie.

He can’t lie to Deadpool.

“Spidey?” Deadpool sinks down to his knees next to Peter, and his white stupid panda eyes of his mask are worried. “You’re gonna catch flies like that. Unless that’s totally what you’re going for because you’re Spider-Man and spiders eat flies and you’re trying to go for an authentic image?”

And Peter tries to say, “Iggy Azalea is the defining rapper of the generation,” but all that comes out is “Iggy Azalea is the-” and he chokes on the lie. Tries to say “chocolate chip pancakes are gross and I hate them,” and ends up with “chocolate pancakes are- grnf.” And he sits there, stunned, as Deadpool’s panda eyes go from worried to wide with realisation.

“Oh,” Deadpool says, “you finally figured it out.”

And all Peter can say is, “you knew? What? How? When?”

And Deadpool shrugs. “When we first met and I was singing I Don’t Fuck With You because Iron Poop was hanging about and then I saw you behind him and I choked on the line I got a million trillion things I'd rather fuckin' do, than to be fuckin' with you and I’ve never ever gotten the lyrics wrong, not even during Chinese water torture, and that shit seriously fucks with you.”

“That was months ago!” Peter squeaks. “And you didn’t think to tell me that you’re- that I’m your soulmate?”

Deadpool shrugs again. “Just because you’re my soulmate doesn’t mean that you like me. I’d rather us, you know, become friends or whatever because you actually like me, and not because of some stupid soulbond that doesn’t really mean anything except that some higher power thought that we should bump uglies. That shit’s seriously got some underlying non-consensual connotations hiding in there too, like what if I don’t want to have a soulmate and a perfect match or whatever, I could totally be fine on my own, not that I’m saying that I don’t want you because fuckbuckets holy shit I do because you’re amazing and strong and beautiful and good and honest to such a degree that you didn’t figure out that we’re soulmates until now and you don’t like milk either because ew cow titty juice right and you make me want to be a better person and what I’m trying to say is that I’m in love with you not because of some stupid soulbond, but because you’re you.”

And then it’s Peter’s turn to say “oh.” And then it only makes sense to pull his mask off and yank Deadpool close and say, “you should totally kiss me right now,” and Deadpool rolls his mask up so fast he almost takes an eye out and when their lips meet all the hair on Peter’s body stands up and his stomach tightens and something in his chest pulls free and soars.

Later, when they’re in Peter’s shitty apartment and Peter’s lying on naked on Deadpool’s chest in bed and they’re no longer Spider-Man and Deadpool but Peter and Wade, soulmates, he says, “I can’t believe I didn’t figure it out faster.”

“Baby boy, you’re smart but you’re also kind of dumb,” Wade grins, and Peter jabs him in the side and the afterglow dissolves into a tickle fight but Peter’s not mad because yeah, it can’t be a lie, he kind of is. But that’s okay because he’s Wade’s and Wade is his and they’re just two dumb dudes dressed up in skin tight suits patrolling the streets of New York, beating up bad guys, telling bad jokes, eating tacos out of questionable food trucks and being perfect for one another.