#this is why i can't write short things though the endings always seem super awkward?

[elmelloill]

Lucky Jacket

AUs are dangerous because sometimes you’ll write a chapter and then your friend will draw art for it and then you’ll end up talking about the clothes characters wear and then you end up writing 2500 words in the AU that don’t belong anywhere in the fic but you just have them now so you’ve gotta post them somewhere, right? 

Anyway. This is because @matte-bat and i started talking about Klavier’s leather jacket on twitter. 

Drabble for my klapollo college AU, Anyway, Here’s Guilty Love, taking place the next semester so I can ignore all the angst stuff that hasn’t actually happened in the fic yet. 

As always, god I hope the readmore works on mobile otherwise i’m sorry

Klavier Gavin was, in general, a very punctual person. Although fashionable in everything else, he was rarely fashionably late, and so when Apollo spent fifteen minutes sitting in the quad waiting for his boyfriend to arrive for their date that evening, he started to get legitimately concerned.

Two texts had already gone unanswered. Frowning at his phone, Apollo sat on the picnic bench, tapping his toe, for another thirty seconds before deciding he might as well try to figure out what was going on. And if Klavier was on his way, the two of them would just run into each other.

That’s what Apollo fully expected to happen, but he made it all the way to the Gavinners house without encountering any tall platinum blonds. Somewhat perplexed, he stood on the doorstep for a moment, and just as he was about to knock, the door opened in front of him.

“Hey, Klav—” he began, but it was Daryan on the other side of the door.

“Good, you’re here,” Daryan said. He looked troubled, and Apollo felt a flutter of worry in his stomach.

“Yeah, uh, is Klavier…”

“He’s fine,” Daryan assured him, rolling his eyes. “He’s just having…a moment.”

“O…kay?”

Daryan leaned against the wall. “You know his leather jacket, right? The one that like, starts to dissolve if he wears it in the rain?”

Apollo nodded. He knew it very well.

It had been a gift from Klavier’s host family in Germany. To many, the jacket might have been deemed unwearable many years ago, but Klavier had been very creative. Loose threads had been diligently trimmed, fraying edges artfully concealed, lost zipper pulls replaced with tiny silver Gavinners charms. The sleeves, too short after Klavier’s high school growth spurt, were in a state of being permanently rolled up, and Klavier managed to make it look like the hem was supposed to be cropped short by pairing the jacket with well-chosen graphic tees. The entire thing probably would have been uncomfortably tight around his shoulders by now if years of wear hadn’t gently stretched and softened the leather—it had quite literally grown with him.

Klavier’s attachment to the jacket was a bit of a puzzle, but then again, many things about Klavier were a bit of a puzzle. He had come back from Germany with a whole new vocabulary, after all, so it wasn’t too strange that he had also returned with a jacket that apparently doubled as something of a security blanket. Klavier called it “good luck,” but whether there was any rationale behind that declaration remained unknown.

“Well, it ripped,” Daryan explained.

Apollo frowned, confused. He was fairly certain the jacket had already ripped, multiple times, and Klavier had been playing it off as an intentional fashion choice for at least a year.

“Okay, understatement,” Daryan went on, noticing Apollo’s doubt. “One of the elbows disintegrated.”

Apollo’s frown turned to a grimace. “Ah.”

“Yeah. So he’s, uh, mourning, I guess.”

Of course he was.

Apollo sighed. “I’ll go talk to him.”

The door to Klavier’s bedroom was slightly ajar, so Apollo pushed his way hesitantly into the room.

Klavier sat cross-legged on the floor, the jacket spread out on his lap. He held the sleeve in one hand and a needle and thread in the other, and he was apparently attempting to sew a patch over the missing elbow. A questionable choice, Apollo thought, but he could probably pull it off.

As Apollo watched, Klavier very slowly poked the needle through the sleeve, and very slowly dragged the thread through. It almost worked, but as he pulled to tighten the thread, a crack snaked through the leather and the material around the thread crumbled into pieces. Klavier’s shoulders slumped.

“Verdammt,” he muttered.

“Hey, Klav,” Apollo said quietly, and Klavier jumped.

“Oh! Apollo,” he said, brushing a hand through his bangs in an attempt to hide how startled he had been. Then his eyes widened. “Oh. Shit. What time is it?”

Apollo chuckled. “You’re very late.”

Klavier looked pained. “Ach. Schatzi, I’m sorry, I—”

“Don’t worry about it. I heard there’s been a tragedy.” He dropped to the floor next to Klavier to take a closer look at the jacket. “Eugh. That doesn’t look good.”

Klavier sighed. “I’m afraid I’m just making it worse.”

“Hm.” Apollo wished he could say otherwise, but it really did seem like the sleeve was beyond repair. “And you can’t wear it like that?”

Apollo was doubtful, but he wouldn’t put anything past Klavier.

Dejectedly, Klavier shrugged the jacket on. No, there really isn’t any way to make that look stylish, is there?

The end of the torn sleeve looked awkwardly orphaned from the rest of the jacket, and as Klavier experimentally bent his arm, the rip in the material only broadened.

Even so, Klavier looked somewhat hopeful, as if he wished Apollo would tell him it really didn’t look all that bad, actually.

“Hm,” Apollo said instead. The glint of hope in Klavier’s eyes died.

He sighed heavily and gingerly removed the jacket, resting it on his lap again. The two of them looked down at it.

“Klavier,” Apollo said slowly. Sometimes, after a long life, old leather jackets have to move on to the big motorcycle gang in the sky, where their zippers never get stuck and they can listen to as much rock music as they want… “I think you need a new jacket.”

Klavier sniffed. “But…”

“Besides,” Apollo pointed out, “it’s not even cold enough for a jacket.” It was October—outside was a balmy 76 degrees.

Klavier pouted. “It was part of my outfit,” he said, his voice quiet. He ran a finger over the torn edge.

Apollo bumped their shoulders together. “I’m sorry, Klav. I know it was your favorite.”

Klavier gave a small, disconsolate nod, then carefully folded the jacket and stood.

“You’re probably starving,” he said apologetically. “We can go.”

He took a moment to place the jacket on his bed, then followed Apollo downstairs.

“You can hang it on your wall,” Apollo suggested. “You know—Miles Edgeworth style.”

Klavier blinked, then let out a short laugh. “Okay, Apollo. Point made. It’s just a jacket, after all.”

Apollo’s bracelet squeezed slightly at that, but he decided to let it slide.

~~~

Apollo Justice was on a mission.

When Clay woke up Saturday morning the following week, he looked across the room to see Apollo already awake and dressed, sitting at his desk and poring over his laptop.

“Are you doing homework…?” he asked doubtfully. Although Apollo was perhaps slightly more studious than average, 10 a.m. on a Saturday was a little much.

Apollo didn’t even look his direction. “No. Hey, do you know any good thrift stores? Besides these ones.”

Squinting at Apollo’s screen, Clay could see a map of the city, scattered with red pins.

“Uh, not really. Why are you looking for thrift stores?”

Apollo needed for a thrift store because both shopping malls that he could reach via city bus had proven woefully inadequate when it came to providing a replacement for a cherished leather jacket. He was moving on to Plan B.

He explained the situation to Clay, who apparently knew Klavier well enough by this point that he wasn’t surprised in the slightest.

“Well,” Clay said. “I didn’t really have any plans for today, anyway.”

Apollo blinked. “You don’t need to come…”

“I’m closer to his size, aren’t I? Let’s find your boyfriend a jacket.”

Then Clay called Ema, who apparently knew the jacket’s history and was surprisingly sympathetic, and Ema called Kay, who was the only one in their extended friend group who had a car. Soon the four of them were pulling away from campus in Kay’s black sedan, Ema in the passenger seat while Apollo called out directions from his phone from the back.

The first store was a bust for leather jackets, although Kay found some sunglasses and Ema spent a long time looking at ties. Clay snatched up a nebula sweatshirt at the next shop, and Apollo actually found really nice suit vest at the third. The fourth store had a wide selection of jackets, but they were all either too worn, too big, or the wrong color.

By late afternoon, Apollo was starting to get very discouraged. The number of stores on his list was dwindling, and, while the four of them had all found some great cheap purchases, their original goal was yet unfulfilled.

“Maybe you can contact the host family,” Kay suggested as they left the second-to-last store. “Find out what brand it is, and buy one online?”

He had thought of that, although he hadn’t needed to go so far as to reach out to the family—he remember the tag on the inside of the jacket. And although the original wasn’t in stock anymore, there were numerous others he could have chosen from—if he wanted to spend his next two paychecks from Mr. Wright, that was. He sighed.

“That’s kind of a last resort,” he admitted. Klavier deserved it, of course, but…ouch.

But his optimism was wearing thin by the time they walked into the final store on his list. It was one of the nicer places they had visited—Kay was immediately drawn to a display of gloves, and Ema drifted over to the selection of button-down shirts—but when Apollo finally found the men’s jackets, he knew right away he would be disappointed. There was one leather jacket, but he could already tell it was too big.

But the rest of his friends were still looking around, so he wandered the aisles absently, running his fingers across a rack of shirts.

“Ah! Pollo!”

Apollo looked up sharply to see Clay skid to a stop at the end of the aisle. He spread his arms wide. He was wearing a leather jacket.

For a moment, Apollo could only stare.

“It’s…that’s…”

“Perfect, right?” Clay said. “And it’s super comfortable, too. I literally don’t want to take it off.”

Reluctant to celebrate just yet, Apollo walked in a circle around Clay, half-expecting to find that the back of the jacket was covered in some elaborate rhinestone monstrosity, or that it had some weird smell. But it was just a classic black leather jacket with a few tasteful zippered pockets, and it seemed barely worn. It fit Clay really well, too, and although Clay was shorter than Klavier, they had a similar build.

“Where did you find it?” He was faintly afraid that a customer would storm up to them imminently and accuse Clay of snatching the article of clothing out of their own basket.

Clay gestured vaguely. “Over there, on a rack. Someone must have put it back in the wrong spot.”

Tentatively, Apollo flipped over the price tag, and exhaled in relief. A little pricey, but nothing like the ones he had seen online.

“It’s perfect,” he agreed finally. Clay beamed.

The four of them made their purchases and returned to campus. Back in his room Apollo carefully wrapped up the jacket in tissue paper and put it in a plain paper shopping back that he had lying around. Then he paused.

Klavier’s birthday had passed in the summer. Their six-month anniversary had been last month. Christmas was much too long from now. It wasn’t as if he couldn’t just give Klavier a gift out of the blue, but it would be nice if there was some occasion…

He was idly scrolling through Facebook that evening when it came to him.

One this day: one year ago.

Belong was the image Klavier had made to advertise the first meeting of the Ivy Pre-Law Society.

That’s as good an excuse as any, he thought, smiling, even if it was a couple days off.

He texted Klavier to make sure he was around, then headed over to the Gavinners house.

Sam let him in. Klavier was in his room, sitting at his desk doing homework. On a Saturday night. Apollo would never not find it amusing that his boyfriend was a bigger nerd than he was.

Klavier turned around curiously when Apollo rapped a knuckle lightly against the door.

“Schatzi,” he said, raising his eyebrows, “what’s up?”

Apollo held out the bag. “Don’t worry, you didn’t need to get me anything.”

Frowning, Klavier accepted it. “What’s this?”

“Your, uh, we-started-our-club-one-year-ago present,” Apollo explained. He shrugged. “I dunno. Just open it.”

Klavier dug into the bag and unwrapped the jacket. His mouth fell open.

“Apollo…” he breathed.

Apollo rubbed his neck. “I know your old one meant a lot to you, and I know I can’t really replace it, but…I dunno, this one probably isn’t as nice? But it seemed really comfortable, so, um…” He bit his lip. “Hopefully it fits, at least?”

Wordlessly, Klavier unzipped the jacket and put it on. It did fit, like a glove. Klavier straightened out the sleeves and seemed momentarily surprised that they reached all the way to his wrists.

“Apollo,” he began, as he adjusted the lapels and flipped up the collar, “you didn’t have to…”

“Well, I wanted to,” Apollo said. Then he smiled wryly. “And you’re not really acting like someone who’s actually about to refuse a gift.”

Klavier, who was partway through securing the zipper, paused. He reddened slightly. “Well. It is very comfortable…”

Apollo laughed. “Good. It looks good.”

Klavier lifted his head, and Apollo noticed that his eyes looked a little shinier than usual. “Thank you, Apollo. This is…you really didn’t have to, but…it’s perfect.”

Apollo relaxed. “I know it’s not really the same as the old one…” he started to say, but Klavier shook his head.

“That one was special because it was a gift from people I care about,” he replied. “And so is this, ja? No less special.” He stretched his shoulders. “And look—no splitting seams!”

“I really can’t believe the old one lasted that long,” Apollo marveled.

Klavier took a breath. “Debatable that it really lasted,” he admitted. He stood and crossed the room to check his reflection in the mirror hanging behind his door. “I may actually be able to wear this for a concert without worrying about a wardrobe malfunction.”

Apollo narrowed his eyes. “Do you ever actually worry about that?”

Tilting his head, Klavier considered this. “No, not really. All part of the show, ja?” He grinned at Apollo over his shoulder, and Apollo rolled his eyes.

Klavier admired his reflection for a moment longer, then turned. “But schatz, now I feel bad. I did not get you a club anniversary present.”

“Eh, I’m sure you’ll find some way to make it up to me.”

“Will I now?” Klavier’s lips spread into a smile. He came to stand in front of Apollo, resting his hands on Apollo’s waist.

Apollo tried to suppress his own smile as he looked up at Klavier. “Yeah, you’re smart, I’m sure you’ll think of something.”

“Oh, I’m sure,” Klavier murmured, leaning in and capturing his lips.

Apollo responded by grabbing the lapels of Klavier’s jacket and pulling him closer. It was strangely satisfying to do so without worrying that the fabric might come apart in his hands.  

~~~

The next morning, Apollo woke to a text from Clay.

Clay [10:03 AM]: so...... i guess klavier liked his new jacket

One of Apollo’s arms was trapped awkwardly under a snoozing Klavier’s head, so he typed out a succinct message with one hand.

Apollo [10:04 AM]: shut up

Clay [10:04 AM]: you’re welcome ;)

[noroi1000]

Hi can i get a match up ??

I am 150 cm (shortie😭). I am an extrovert . I likes reading books and flowers. And i had a bad eyesight. I am sassy,weird and super clumsy.My sun sign is cancer and moon sign is capricorn but my personality takes after capricorn. And i am challenging person.

I prefer dark humor. My fav anime is howl'smoving castle. I am really into vintage espically dark academia or old money . I intend to spend money on useless things .

I love all your works and i read them all i swear to god . Thanks for your hardworks

A/n: Thank you for reading all this! It means a lot to me!

I think your Jujutsu kaisen matchup is

Toge Inumaki

He is very energetic. I think you two fit together because your characteristics are similar and they also complement each other.

He is a person who likes to be around people. He has his own opinion and pursues goals. Carries out the tasks assigned to him as best he can. And if it doesn't work out for him, he keeps trying. If he has a problem with it, he will keep trying until he is done and finished. Even though he may be pissed off, he is a person who rarely pisses off.

He is patient with people. Since others are understanding and patient with him, he has no choice but to do the same. After all, not everyone has to deal with the impossibility of speech. He can talk, but he has to hold back. Therefore, he cannot shout at someone.

He learned patience. He can control himself. It can wait or even do nothing.

Similar to your description, he can be considered a bit „strange”. Though I don't know if that's the right word. Everyone has their own disposition.

You can consider him as such because he has a slightly different life than others. He may always seem ignoring and therefore brazenly to some. After all, when he is asked something, he cannot answer right away. Can show or write. But he won't say it outright because he just can't.

He always demands some behavior from his friends. He wouldn't want a friend who is mean and bullies. Therefore, he requires his friends to be understanding and kind. He understands that everyone has a different character, but chooses those whose characteristics suit him.

You could say he is very resourceful. He can handle everything on his own, even without anyone's help. It rarely breaks anything.

Headcanon:

• He is very friendly, so spending time with him is very enjoyable.

• Even though he is too quiet with him at times, that doesn't mean the situation has gotten awkward.

• He can do all sorts of things. From watching to reading.

• Also, he does not mind dark humor. This man sometimes consists of it, because his "seriousness" and his eyesight sometimes frighten. But beneath the fabric on his face, he often smiles.

• When he suddenly speaks up saying something that doesn't make sense, it could end badly for your heart.

• Until you get to know him well, you may think he is really disrespectful.

• He would love to watch anime with you or read weird throws with you. Just because you can stand out from the crowd doesn't mean you will be sidelined. It brings you even closer together.

• He also, if he sees something in the store that he likes, will want to buy it. No matter what he does with it, he just likes it.

He also probably spends a lot of money on food expenses. He has his favorite things, and he certainly won't give up on that taste. And that could be the reason why his account is running out of money.

• You buy him a frog hat or an onigiri pillow, he will be delighted. [Why a frog hat? Because it looks cool in it (>▽<)]

• As for plants and flowers, he likes to be outdoors. He waters the plants when they need it. He takes care of it. And he likes it. If he can do this with you too, and it is not a boring job, he might even begin to judge plants and cultivate them.

• He himself is short. So he is happy that someone can support him in this. Nobody's laughing anyway. And being short has its advantages as well.

• He likes every moment he hasn't spent alone.

Challenges or games? He can do it with you.

• Just as he is promised what style someone has. There is something interesting and original in each of them. He can look at your stuff, and he will surely like something.

"Tuna Tuna."

*He comes up to you, holds out his hand to you. When you look at it and it shows you the way to a nice place where flowers grow*

"Salmon!"

[possiamo-andare]

No More Divisions - Chapter Three: The Jacuzzi

JJ x Original Character

I'd like to give a small shoutout to @fangirling-allday for giving me such a sweet comment. You have inspired me to write another chapter so this one is dedicated to you! <3

MASTERLIST

~

If I could only describe Sarah's younger sister, Wheezie, in one word it'd be difficult. I've met her a total of two times and both times she's been difficult. She always has to put her two cents into every conversation and she asks so many questions.

Trust me, I love curious people but Wheezie isn't just curious, she's nosy. She's basically the stereotypical annoying younger sister.

With that being said, she no longer was difficult to me anymore. She was our hero. The cup with the string attached to it ended up being a makeshift phone where Wheezie could hear us from her room.

At first, Sarah was going to try and explain to Wheezie the truth but it was clear that within the first few minutes of talking to her, Rafe had gotten to her first and poisoned her mind.

So, since telling the truth didn't work, we decided to lure her into Sarah's room. Our plan was to get Sarah to fake cry hard enough to get Wheezie to unlock the door to come comfort her sister. When she opened the door, we'd then explain to her that we needed her to pretend to be us in the room as we slipped out the front door.

This plan was foolproof.

That is, until Wheezie asked a question we hadn't even thought she'd ask.

"If John B. didn't do it, who did?"

Sarah and I looked at each other as this child stood in front of us, begging to know the truth. We didn't know what to say. How do you tell a child that their brother was a murderer? Sarah shook her head at me. It wasn't the time nor place. Wheezie would find out eventually but not right now.

"We have to do something first," I say, crouching down to meet her gaze. "But you need to promise us that you'll be here for as long as you can."

Wheezie nodded, furrowing her brows together. I could tell she still didn't understand what was going on but she wanted to help out as best she could.

"Can you do that for us?" Sarah asked, her pinkie out towards her sister.

Wheezie nodded again, this time holding onto Sarah's pinkie finger with her own.

We tucked Wheezie into Sarah's bed and created another "person" under the sheets with a pillow and blacket so it would seem as if Sarah and I took a nap. After we said our goodbyes, we turned off the lights and quietly made our way downstairs.

I was barely breathing as we crept down the stairs, hoping not to cause a commotion even by breathing heavily. Once we successfully made it down the stairs, Sarah led me to the sliding windows in the back on the house. As Sarah quietly opened them, I was the lookout. I could hear the faint distance of talking with the tv drowning out what the actual words between the two people were. I could tell Ward and Rafe were bickering but I couldn't make out what they were saying, only that Ward was mad.

Sarah nudged me softly, getting my attention as she pointed to the open sliding doors. We quickly made our way out of the house before quietly closing the doors again.

After the doors were fully closed, we took off running. Sarah's bike was at the front of her house and now that it was darker, we were sure that Ward or Rafe couldn't see us from outside.

Once we found Sarah's bike, Sarah told me to sit on the handlebars as she rode out of the neighbourhood. She said she had a suspicion where John B. was and wanted to see if she was right. Once we made it out of the neighbourhood, we were swarmed with flashlights and dozens of people looking for John B. Apparently there was a $25,000 reward for whoever caught him and everyone in OBX was making it their mission to find him. People young and old, even children, perused the streets calling out for John B. as if there was any way in hell he'd answer back.

As we rode, we stopped to ask people where they were going. Some were going to the ferry, others were going to the docks where they knew many Pogues hung out but what we found was that no one was going to the Bell Tower, where Sarah believed John B. was. Although I wanted to go with her and make sure she was safe, I knew I couldn't go.

"I can't go with you." I say to Sarah as she peddles forward.

"What?" Sarah asks, holding onto her breaks as her bike comes to a stop.

"I have to go to JJ's house and help them. I'm sure they are doing something for John B. there. They need my help more than you do." I say, getting off the handle bars and crossing my arms over my stomach this time.

Since my clothes were stained with blood, Sarah lent me her clothes. Everything she had was cropped which wasn't usually my style but it was the only option. I had changed into a purple tube top with black ripped jean shorts and although Sarah said I looked awesome, this cropped top made me super self conscious.

"Okay. I'll give you JJ's address and you help him and Kiara and Pope. I'll find John B. We'll meet at the JJ's father's dock at 3pm tomorrow. Okay?" Sarah smiles at me, grabbing my arm for a moment to reassure me. She tells me JJ's address and I repeat it back to her to remember it.

I nod to her as a way of saying bye. "Okay. See you tomorrow. Stay safe until then."

We both smile at eachother and then briefly hug. It's weird that even in a time like this, where our lives are literally in shambles, we still have the time to smile and hug eachother.

"Love you Callie." Sarah whispers to me as we hug.

I pull away from her. "Love you Sarah."

And with that, Sarah is off again. She peddles away from me, not looking back once. I stay completely still until I can't see her anymore. Until she's into the woods so much so that she becomes a dark little speck.

Once Sarah's completely gone, I take off running like a madman. I run on the pavement, my sneakers slamming down on the sidewalk the faster I run. I run down one street and turn and then turn again. I continue to run until I don't recognize the houses as Kook houses but Pogue houses. I run until I get to JJ's street and I count the number of houses I pass until I come upon JJ's.

JJ's house is more like a shack than a home. A home is where you feel safe and cozy. I don't think I'd ever feel safe here. The screen on one of the sides of the house is ripped. It looks like somebody ran through it and I wouldn't be surprised if someone did. JJ had a reputation after all. He got into fights, stole, and hated Kooks. He hated them so much that he'd start fights with them for no reason. This made me question why he was so nice to me. I understood why he was nice to Sarah, but why me? If I was a Kook and he hated Kooks, why was he nice to me?

I decide that since it's so late, not to ring on the doorbell but instead make my way to the backyard and see if anyone's there. Once I get closer to the backyard, I hear people talking and I hear a distinct voice. I recognize it as Kiara's.

"Pope make sure you get two gallons of gas. Not one. He'll need two if he's ever gonna cross the border."

I try to make my way quietly over to them but a stick breaks under the pressure of my foot and it makes a loud noise.

"Who's there?!" JJ yells from his place on the jacuzzi.

Wait. A jacuzzi? Why does his house look like a shack, but he has a jacuzzi.

It was dark when I first arrived but someone turned on the lights and I soon see all three of John B.'s friends much more clearly. Pope is sitting on the floor beside Kiara who is sitting on a chair in front of JJ, who is sitting on the ledge of the jacuzzi. They all look very happy to be with one another, even though something bad is happening to their friend. I guess that's what happens when your only family is your friends; you're always glad to see them.

"It's me, Callie." I say, loud enough for them to hear. I'm only 10 feet away from them now and I can see all of them turn around in shock this time. JJ is literally so shocked to see me he stands up to greet me.

"C-callie." JJ stutters.

"Where's Sarah?" Kiara asks, walking up to me and giving me a hug. I return it with open arms.

Kiara was always so nice to me even if Sarah and her didn't get along.

Sarah always told me not to talk to Sarah but Kiara and I shared the same biology class and our interest in the environment allowed for us to bond. We were never close and rarely spoke outside of school but she was a sweet girl and I'm so glad Sarah and Kiara are friends again. Maybe after all of this is over, we can finally hang out. If all of this ever is over.

"She's looking for John B. She says she knows where he is." I reply as Kiara pulls away from me and I get a chance to greet everyone.

I hug Pope briefly. He was always nice to me whenever he saw me with his father and I think we've talked about four times. Each time he was sweet and very pleasant so I'm glad he's here to help. I can tell he's very on edge about the whole situation and I'm not surprised if I look as nervous as him.

Then there's JJ. I make my way to him and give him an awkward hug. He pats my back and then we quickly move away from each other. I've never talked to him before and I've never heard good things. Yet, all of those bad things were from Rafe and he's not exactly a model citizen. I decide to see how he is now and make my own decisions about his personality.

There's a small amount of silence that passes through us and Pope breaks it by talking. "Did you actually see Rafe kill the Sheriff?"

I nod. Kiara, JJ, and Pope all look at eachother in disbelief. They knew Rafe was crazy but never like this. I don't think anyone could think Rafe could do this, no matter how cruel he was.

I want to change the subject so badly that I end up asking, "What were you guys just doing?" I glance at the notebook on Kiara's chair.

It has all their names on it with different things to do. Pope is supposed to get two gallons of gas, Kiara is suppose to get food from her parents restaurant and JJ is supposed to get his dad's keys. This is definitely a list of things for them to do but I don't know what for.

"We're getting a boat for John B. with food and gas so he can get away." Pope answers me.

I look to Kiara who is not meeting my gaze. "I thought we were gonna clear his name."

I hear JJ scoff from behind me. "Yeah, we tried that. These officers have tunnel vision. John B. has to leave, at least until we can clear his name."

I turn and look to JJ. I could tell he's been observing me since I came. I know he doesn't trust me like Kiara and Pope do. I dont know why but my gut tells me it's because I'm a Kook and he hasn't had the best experiences with Kooks.

"How can I help?" I ask, turning to face everyone. They've all gathered around me now and I'm ready to hear what they have to say.

"JJ is gonna give me a hand with getting all of John B.'s food. You can help. We need some extra hands." Kiara says, grabbing her notebook and writing it down.

I nod. "Okay."

"Well," JJ sighs, looking to Kiara. "I hope you know what you're doing."

Kiara rolls her eyes at JJ and then looks to me. "I do."

~

After each plan is made down to the last detail, I finally feel a little at peace. The final plan is that Pope is gonna take two gallons of gas from his dad's shop and try not to get caught (I hope that Mr. Heyward is not too pissed off). JJ, Kiara and I will get food from her dad's restaurant for John B. for at least two weeks. And JJ will steal the keys to his father's old racing boat. We will all meet at the garage where the boat is at the bring it back to JJ father's dock for 3pm tomorrow.

After everything is written and memorized, we all lay blankets down on the floor and decide to sleep. I take the edge and Kiara takes the other. Pope takes a spot beside Kiara while I get stuck with JJ. I'm not facing him when he lays down so I can't tell if he's disappointed or not but I can imagine he's not exactly thrilled to sleep beside me.

"Night." Kiara yawns before turning over. Pope does the same and before I can reply, I hear their soft snores.

JJ says nothing to me and I actually like it that way. I'm beyond exhausted and I don't want to have to deal with him if he's just gonna be cruel. He hasn't be outright mean to me but he hasnt exactly been hospitable while I've been here so I'm a little scared to talk to him alone.

Five minutes later, I'm asleep and dreaming. Except dreaming is supposed to be fun but this is a complete nightmare.

I see the sheriff on the floor like how I did this morning and I try to rush towards her. I'm calling out to her and running as fast as my feet will take me but she's just getting father and farther away. I am forced to watch her bleed out but I'm not getting any closer. I look down at my feet and see that my feet are stuck in cement and I can't move them. I'm yelling to the Sheriff but she can't hear me. I'm drenched in blood and I see Rafe. He's looking right at me. I call to him and he laughs and lifts his right hand to point a gun at me.

Before I can scream, I wake up. It's almost dawn now and the space where JJ was sleeping is empty. I sit up and look around.

Kiara and Pope are still sleeping. They look so cute cuddled up together. I look around more, trying to find JJ. I finally find him in the jacuzzi.

The water is up to his chest but the jacuzzi is not on. He's just sitting in a jacuzzi that's not on which has to be one of the most depressing things I've ever seen. My heart aches for him. There is something up and I want to make him feel better.

I stand up and walk towards the jacuzzi and where JJ is sitting. He's playing with the water and moving it with his hands. I don't think he realizes he's even doing it. Once I get to the jacuzzi, I rest my elbow on the ledge and JJ finally sees me.

"What are you doing up?" He asks, a little surprised to see me.

"I should ask you the same thing." I smirk, letting one of my hands touch the water. It's hot. He must've just got in.

"I can't sleep." He says. He seems detached and cold, as if he doesn't want to talk about something.

"Bad dream?" I ask. I don't mean to pry but sometimes I can't help it. Especially when someone is feeling sad. I want to help.

JJ nods. He quickly looks up to me but then quickly looks back to the water.

"Same actually." I sigh, my hand now also absentmindedly playing with the water.

"About the Sheriff?" JJ asks, actually holding eye contact with me this time.

I nod. "How did you know?"

"You were yelling her name." JJ answered, closing his eyes for a second to take a deep breath. "This jacuzzi actually helps me with my anxiety alot. Especially with nightmares."

"Really?" I ask, a little skeptical on why he's brought this up.

"Yep." JJ nods, finally moving closer to me. "Would you like to come in?"

I don't know whether I should or not. On one hand, I barely know this guy and he's already indirectly asked to to strip and get into a jacuzzi with him. On the other hand, I bet that hot water would feel amazing on my skin and very relaxing. Even though my better judgement tells me no, I go against in. I might get arrested for aiding and abetting tomorrow so what the hell.

"Okay, but close your eyes until I get in." I narrow my eyes at him, being a little sarcastic but at the same time I'm completely serious.

JJ rolls his eyes. "Please, don't flatter yourself Kook."

I frown. "Just do it."

JJ nods and closes his eyes and then covers his closed eyes with his hands. Once I know he's not peeking, I take off my sneakers and unbuckle my jeans. I lift my tube top over my head and lay it neatly beside all if my other clothes. Now I'm in my black underwear and pink strapless bra. I curse Sarah in my brain. If I knew a boy was gonna see my bra and underwear today, I would've told her to make them match.

I slowly get into the water as JJ sits across from me, hands still over his eyes. It's really warm and my skin starts having goosebumps the more I emerge myself in the water. Once the water gets to my shoulder, I shudder a little. This water feels amazing on my muscles. I've been running around and fighting all day yesterday that I completely forgot what it did to my body. Now, I realize how achy I really am.

"Okay." I say, my hands absentmindedly playing with the water between my fingers.

JJ finally uncovers his eyes and opens them. When he does, there's a smirk on his face. And it's directed towards me which is super surprising.

"Feels nice, right?"

I nod and continue to play with the water. "What's this beauty's name?"

JJ smirks. "Finally someone who appreciates the finer things in life."

I laugh. "I'm thinking Cherry." Cherry was a Kook JJ had slept with last year and I had only heard about it because she had slept outside his house overnight to prove her devotion to him. It was just about the funniest thing ever. Sad to say it didn't work out between them.

JJ rolls his eyes. "Although that is a very good guess, it's actually called cat's ass."

I snorted. "You weirdo."

JJ rolls his eyes. "I think it's weirder you remember Cherry. You obsessed with me or something Callie?"

This time I roll my eyes. "Cherry was the funniest story ever. The day I start to like you JJ is the day of my demise."

"Well, I think this is the start of your demise then."

I don't say anything but I kinda know JJ's correct. Before long there's a silence between us. It's not like last time. This time, it's a comfortable silence. Like we're both just relaxing together and not worrying about John B. or Sarah or the Royal Merchant.

"What was your dream about?" I ask, my eyes closed now. I could fall asleep like this if JJ wasn't here.

When JJ doesn't answer me, I try not to take it personally. Only when I hear the water moving a little too loudly, I open my eyes. JJ is moving towards me and now I'm super aware that I'm basically naked. In an attempt for him not to see my bra, I cross my arms over my chest.

When he finally sits beside me, he speaks, "You don't wanna know."

I scoff. "Oh yeah, sorry my little privileged ass could never handle your mind." My tone is dripping with sarcasm and JJ is smiling as I speak.

"Yeah basically." JJ confirms, only making me more pissed off.

"I know that my demons could never compare to yours, but I have them too." I roll my eyes at him and look to the water, away from his gaze.

"What demons? You're a Kook." I could feel his smirk as he said this.

I look back to him. "Being a Kook doesn't protect you from the bad shit in life. Hasn't what's happened yesterday proved that?"

JJ doesn't answer me. For a moment, he's just taking in what I've said. I don't think anyone's ever done that. I don't think anyone's ever just thought about what I said so deeply as JJ is now.

Finally, he speaks. "Are you still with Rafe?"

I scan JJ's face for a moment before answering. Does he wanna know because he thinks I'm gonna betray them or because he wants to know if I'm taken. I can't tell but either way I'm gonna answer him.

"No, we broke up weeks ago." When I answer, I make sure to see JJ's reaction but he gives me no reaction. This guy is really good at hiding his emotions.

"Cool." I want to ask him what he's thinking but I can't.

I want to look away from him but I can't. JJ is acting so differently from when I first met him that I can't help but start to like him. He's already changed his views on me by talking to me. I know he'll never like or trust me 100%, but to know he respects me enough helps.

There's been a long silence between us and I want it to end.

"So," I say, wanting this awkwardness to stop. "What was your dream about?"

JJ takes a deep breath and looks away from me. We must've been staring in each other's eyes for 10 minutes. It feels like that anyways.

He doesn't answer me again, just stands up from the jacuzzi and hops out. He grabs a towel that was hanging from a wire and dries off his swimming trunks before hanging it back up on the wire. Then I see it. There's purple spots all over his torso. He looks like he just got into a fight and he wasn't the winner. I look for defensive wounds but there's none I can see. Taking a beating and not defending yourself does not seem like something JJ would do. I realize that maybe he didn't fight back because he cared for the person beating him.

As he puts on his shirt, I speak up. "Did your dad do that?" I'm still in the water and I feel a little colder now that JJ is no longer inside.

He looks up at me once he has his shirt on. "We all have different demons Callie. Some are just worse than others."

And with that, he's walking back to where Kiara and Pope are sleeping. And I'm stuck here, in a jacuzzi I don't even want to be in anymore. It's not the same without JJ.

[limitless-rose]

The Signs as things I wanted to be when I grow up

[This has literally been in my drafts since December because I wasn't sure if each option matched with the sign I chose but whatever (it's also a long post again, oof)

Also I didn't really post anything related to 2020 so... Happy New Year, let's hope something good will happen this decade!! 💖]

♈ Aries: Be part of the army. I was quite fascinated by the idea of guns and protecting the nation and actually getting my life together. I was actually thinking about it for quite a while until I realized that in order to get accepted (at least according to the Greek system) you need to have excellent grades (especially maths/physics), to be taller that 165cm and to be excellent in sports. Guess what, I don't understand physics/science/chemistry, I've been about 158cm for the past 3 years and the only two sports I'm good at are badminton and tennis (while you need to be good at running, swimming and things like that I guess 😕)

✧

♉ Taurus: A chef/baker. Cooking and baking always seemed pretty fun. I would always sit by my grandma whenever she cooked/baked goodies and observe the whole process. I also got inspired by the movies "The Princess and the Frog" and "Ratatouille" and thought that one day I could possibly come up with my own recipes and open my own restaurant. But while growing up I realized that I can't cook properly when I'm stressed/multi-tasking (I'm capable of burning the food AND the kitchen if I get slightly distracted, ooof)

✧

♊ Gemini: A TV presenter or a weather woman. My mom told me that from the age of three I would always pretend to talk to an audience and answer questions from the callers or announce news/talk about the weather. Maybe that explains why I talk to thin air (as if I was a YouTuber) about anything and everything when I'm alone. Though it sounds cool, I don't really think I could do it now because I have social anxiety.

✧

♋ Cancer: A writer. I really like writing, I don't know why. Authors have been inspiring me since my childhood, I remember I used to read so many books and try to write something of my own based on it. 😅 I like taking notes and then re-writing them more neatly. I like re-doing old homework in a different style and see if I have improved. I really like writing in a diary/a bullet journal too, I feel like it's much better than bothering others with my problems anyway. I also love coming up with random scenarios/stories/characters and writing about it but I don't know if I should share it. Idk, sometimes I feel like my writing is a bit boring or that it's nothing that impressive. So, honestly, if more people took writers seriously instead of thinking it's a hobby as it doesn't always pay well (when did the world even start revolving around money that much, oml) and if I was more confident about my work I'd definitely chose to become a writer/author (I'm still keeping it as a hobby no matter what I end up doing, lol).

✧

♌ Leo: A model. Omg, I honestly don't know why I even thought of it. Probably because I really liked watching ANTM when I was younger (and I specifically chose the American version because the one we have in my country makes me cringe a lot, just hearing girls from my school talking about it is painful). My friends also liked the outfits that I put together or how I would always pose for pictures (a few years ago, I'm too awkward now asdfghjkl). Looking at it now it's just so funny. There's literally so much competition in the name of beauty, the community can get kinda toxic sometimes and the standards are pretty high. Also I'm way too short and I still can't walk like a normal person when wearing high heels lol.

✧

♍ Virgo: A teacher. Specifically, a teacher for elementary or even kindergarten. Back then, the concept of teaching seemed pretty fun to me and I had lots of ideas about how to make class more interesting. The thing is that I have good chemistry with most kids and I actually kinda dislike teenagers because of how rebellious we can get when it comes to school (idk but like teens in my country are like pretty rude to everyone 😐). I'm not so sure about it now, though it's still an option.

✧

♎ Libra: A psychologist. I always liked helping others out and offering advice when they're having a tough time and I was also curious to see what makes each person feel angry, sad or stressed and the way they respond. It's also interesting because you can learn a lot about someone's personality, preferences and way of thinking or understand what caused someone to commit a crime. I still really like psychology and it's one of my main options for uni. The only problem is that psychology is pretty much overrated in my country so people say it's best to choose something else. 😒

✧

♏ Scorpio: A criminologist. And, surprisingly, I still want it. I was always intrigued by things that required research, was interesting in learning what caused a murder/crime to be committed and I would always watch crime thrillers with my dad. I also like it because it's a field of Sociology which is one of my favorite subjects. I'm just hoping finals aren't super difficult so I can get accepted in the college that I want on the first try lol.

✧

♐ Sagittarius: A flight attendant. Back then I found it kinda fun, as I was always curious about what going on a plane is like. It could also be because of their outfits (like the ones you see in movies or in Britney's MV for Toxic, idk why 😅). Plus I would get to travel around the world without paying as much as the passengers. But then, at the age of 14-15 I got on an airplane 4 times and I saw that it wasn't really like the movies and that literally everyone ignored the flight attendant so yeah, it's not an option anymore. ✈️

✧

♑ Capricorn: A fashion designer. So because I would always draw and constantly ask for new crayons/markers and other art supplies, my mom bought me a few coloring books that focused on fashion. It came along with stickers, stencils, ideas for Victorian dressses, advice for how to design lace or mermaid tail dresses and I was so impressed. A few years later, my grandma showed me a few dresses that she had made for my mom when she was younger (which were so gorgeous like I'm definitely going to wear one of them on my graduation day) and taught me sewing. I also got to see these small floral designs that you usually see on lingerie and it was so pretty, I wish I could do it as perfectly as her. I decided to follow my grandma's advice and keep it as a hobby instead (because she ended up doing nothing but designing clothes and repairing them which she regrets 🧵🧶).

✧

♒ Aquarius: An astronaut. This was pretty random, I have to admit. I guess I really liked space and looking at at the stars in the night sky. I read a few books about space and learned a few things about NASA back in elementary too, though I realized that it's something I could never really do, as you have to sacrifice a lot. I'm still fascinated by this profession but there's no way I could ever do it, since I can't even understand basic physics or mathematics. 🤷‍♀️

✧

♓ Pisces: An artist. Honestly I didn't really care if most artists didn't get recognition/fame or if they didn't earn enough money, I just wanted to make art because I liked it. It's also fun because while you are expressing your thoughts through an art piece, another person might interpret it differently, based on their likings and thoughts. Art also plays an active role in my life: I've been drawing and painting since I was 5 and I would always watch the show with Bob Ross on TV with my grandma. Instead of completely giving up on this idea, I thought that I could choose another profession (also my family didn't really like the thought of me doing art for a living 😐) and keep art as a hobby.

[euphoriacrossing]

So while I sit here trying to get normal balloon spawns...

I may as well write a blog. I am using a guide post on how to catch normal balloon spawns to try and get more cherry blossom recipes. Well I am only half using it.. I am camping on the beach waiting for normal balloon spawns instead of going there every 0/5 ending minute. I'll share the guide on here after this if I remember, but I already got one new cherry blossom recipe just by camping on the side of the beach that balloon spawns are coming from and ignoring the bunny day balloons, so I think this could work, too.

Anyway, now story mode is over, but I still have so, so much to do that it's not even funny. I am making it my main priority to save miles up to buy all the different paths and stuff. I think I have three left to buy so roughly 6,000 miles to earn. But saving miles means making less bells as Nook mile trips are where I made the most, I think. And now I can't take them because I have no miles/am saving miles and so I don't have the bells to pay off my house or to build a new bridge or any of the things I am saving for. But in part the fact it is harder to save bells just makes it feel like I have more to do and that is comforting in a way. I want the appeal of this game to last forever but I know my brain doesn't work like that. Still for now it's the best distraction I have and I'm grateful for it.

Having the ability to make paths is tough because it's just another million decisions to make and hope I get it right or can redo it better or whatever, so that Euphoria becomes the island I dreamed it could be. Right now I have a lot of dirt paths and I think they look okay. But I plan on redoing them someday with either custom paths or maybe just the arched tile ones... I like that path style. Still I started when I just had dirt so I just kind of kept going that way.

It looks alright, I think, especially at the entrance. I haven't finished a lot of the paths on either the right (residential) side or the left (wooded area/orchard) but I have mostly finished the center which is shops and such.

(So far I've gotten a normal balloon spawn every 5 minutes! So it works to just hang around the beach and then look for the spawns at every 0 and 5 ending minute. Edit: Aw, nope just didn't get that last one... I am probably doing something wrong then. Oops Edit2: Definitely doing something wrong. Didn't get a spawn again. Oh well I'll check the guide again once I finish this post. I am also watching for wishing stars so it won't be a total waste.. though I haven't seen any of those either. Last edit: Guide said spawns don't happen every time AND I just got another regular balloon, so maybe I'm fine? I hope I am not just wasting time.)

I am moving most of the houses before I do the paths on that side which is ANOTHER expense for sure, but after seeing a couple of my friend's islands, I knew I could make the houses probably a bit straighter and I decided I want them not quite as closer together as I want everyone to be able to have a yard. One of my friends has houses that are PIN straight and have little yards to them. I don't think I can accomplish that. But I do think I can space them out far enough to fence them in and have little yards.

So I started with the last to move in which was Marina. I put her in a space both by the beach, and by my house because even though she just moved in we're absolute besties. No but honestly, I love her. She sings like everywhere she goes and it's adorable.

I would move Beau next but I think he might stay close to where he is. Unfortunately if I have to move him a little bit I first have to move his house out of the way and then move it back because you can't move buildings just a tad, you have to find a whole new spot. This is why I had to move the whole museum to a new spot as it was slightly out of line and i couldn't just move it to where it lined up. I wish i had known this when i put things there. I didn't take care placing anything because I knew it could be moved. I only ASSUMED it could be moved a small amount as well especially since I assumed correctly that you were paying for it. But no, so oh well, now I have to come up with new spots for things, that's fine. Luckily both Nook's Cranny and the Able Sisters I got in perfect alignment with resident services like I wanted to so they're all on one straight path.

Anyway, I hope I can get it looking like i want it to. I thought that decorating it how I wanted would be the hardest because I still need to find all the furniture. But the paths might give that a run for it's money when we talk about difficulty level if you include trying to get all the houses in the right position and such.

But as hard as I've been "working" (it's definitely still fun or I wouldn't do it) I have found plenty of time for play as well. Yesterday morning I visited a friend for her KK Slider concert. I luckily have a good group of friends from a discord I'm part of and a lot of them are from other countries so they experience stuff before I do and things like that. So a bunch of us visited her for her KK concert and we did some of that...

And then things got a little wild...

Lol, it was fun. I thought for a second about the state of the world but I didn't panic thankfully. I just saw a bunch of us coming together from across the globe, some of us in quaratine, almost all of us at least ADVISED not to go out unless necessary. The world is a scary place right now, but the fact we could still come together from across the globe to be silly and enjoy a game together makes me feel like everything might be alright. I mean, it would still be cool even if these things weren't going on, but the fact they are abd socialization is becoming more difficult than ever, it's cool to see an alternate means of that in action.

I can't believe I took no pictures of her super straight houses, ugh, if I go again, I will have to, they are literally perfect.

And the weirdest thing about all of this to me is how included i feel in all of this. We're all on a small AC discord together and it seems like a lot of them have maybe known each other a while. But unlike a lot of other places it doesn't feel cliquey to me. I've always been welcome to come to their islands, and they have always been very courteous when any of them have come to mine. They act as happy to see me as they do anyone else. And I've only known them a short time so it would usually feel strange to call them "friends" but it doesn't. Now obviously they could feel differently but if they do they don't show it. I am incredibly grateful to have found them. I really couldn't ask for a better group of people to play with.

I actually was invited from this tumblr. Likely after I made some kind of post about not feeling like I belonged in the AC community or something similarly emo and whiny, I'm sure. So I am surprised I was invited at all, but I am so thankful I was. It was just what i was looking for in the AC community.

(Yes! I learned cherry blossom umbrella! Balloon hunting is going fairly well considering I only had like two of the cherry blossom DIYs total before I started and now in about an hour I've doubled that.)

I do have some facebook friends and such I have play AC with, and I am also grateful for them as well of course. It has brought us closer together and I am thankful for that. I have one friend who we constantly send each other gifts like if we accidentally got two of something or a DIY we already have or just if we think something is cool, it's really fun. I enjoy mail as much in game as I do in real life.

But yeah, I was nervous when this game first came out that I would be stuck playing just with my sister. And don't get me wrong I love playing the game with her, we always have a good time. But sometimes you need socialization beyond your own family and I really saw this as my one chance to connect since I'm not very social, I am very anxious, and I just struggle with these things. I may have been right about it being my best chance at connection because I can hide a lot of the awkwardness in game. Very thankfully though, I found people who accept what I can't hide in game. And who accept me. For some reason that's just been really hard to do. Every community I am a part of I feel like an outsider until now. But yeah, I am looking forward to a continued friendship with these people and continuing to enjoy the game moving forward.

I guess I've rambled enough. I still need to get more balloons, but I can't write here forever. Though... I frequently do write far too much here and I wonder if it get read. If it doesn't I don't blame ya. But yeah. I will leave you with this adorable pic I took while Marina was singing... you can't really tell she was singing, but still, she's adorable either way.

(And don't you love this dress? I have it in I think 4 different colors, I just love it.)

[minyoonkeeks]

Pairing:Jin x Reader

Word Count: 4k

Summary: It was one thing to love him in secret, but when you think he might like you back it changes everything. (90% Fluff, 7% Angst, 3% I don't know what this is)

Warnings: None really, there is 1 mention of throwing up for like a second and a few mentioning anxiety but nothing serious

A/N: This is the first fic I've ever decided to write. I hope it resembles him a bit, but it was fun writing. I don't know if I'll continue either, I just hope I did Jin some justice (:

---

Becoming his friend always felt natural, kind of like mac meeting its cheese, or peanut butter finding its jelly. He was sweet, funny, goofy Seokjin. 2 years younger, but no one could ever tell the difference. He was smart, where it counted. He hated bugs, was extra competitive, and loved marvel as much as you. That made your friendship fun. You would chill in his apartment, play endless games of super smash, and compare recipes whenever you found something new you'd want to try. Because you came from different social groups, it seemed odd at first to your friends. They laughed when they couldn't picture it being real.

"No way _____! Do both of you just have pout monologues? Because I would hate to be in the middle of that blab fest!" Hobi joked as he pictures both of you endlessly going off on each other. You both have certain quirks and apparently over talking was one of them. The more you guys interacted when you were all together, the more your friends didn't believe it.

It wasn't until the first time you had all gone to the movies together as a group. Seokjin sat next to you and you could have sworn all the girls gave the biggest groan, making you turn beet red and Seokjin laugh awkwardly. But once all of your friends realised that's exactly what it was, a friendship, they were quick to stand up for it, because there wasn't anything more. Even when your girlfriends started noticing him.

Sometimes, a lot of times, being his friend was hard. He was a 10 everywhere he'd go, regardless of how nerdy he came off when he spoke. When he wore his dumb round glasses around his beautiful face girls would swoon saying that he looked like a lawyer. Sure, he'd never win with his dumb logic, you thought.

When he would have to attend a fancy dinner in slacks and the same blue button up with white stripes on the sleeve citing that it made him look longer even though you swore he was a whole nother you taller. "Look, you just have to go with me, no one else is fun, and they won't bug me if you go instead." He would insist, telling you his parents didn't mind if it was you going instead of another date. That would sting, you were never the date.

When he'd sit and play guitar to pass the time between picking you up from work and your coworkers would stare out the window and wonder when he would notice them. "How do you even function with him, ______? You clearly have the worst taste in guys if you don't find him attractive" one of them would say. 

"Yeah, sure, if you think gumby limbs are attractive." You'd scoff back, even though deep down you knew he was. Those were the most annoying times. Being Kim Seokjin's friend was definitely not easy.

"Hey, hurry up, we'll miss the next screening of Thor and I don't want to miss the credits!" Jin yelled from the lobby, making everyone turn and glare at how loud he was being, at least until they saw his face and proceeded to gawk at him.

"I know, I know, nerd. I don't get how you can watch this for the 5th time in theaters. Like you have a huge TV at home, why rewatch it here?" You quipped grabbing the popcorn from the attendant who just glared at you for calling Jin something other than Worldwide Handsome.

"I already told you, there's nothing like rewatching it with people who get it. And you know you get it or else you wouldn't have come with me anyway" he teased, making that pout that makes your heart flutter a little too much.

Those were most days with Seokjin and sometimes you couldn't take the stares from everyone. The ones that said "Hey why is that short girl hanging out with Jin all the time? He looks like he's babysitting." "Isn't it her though? She's the delusional one, he's way too good to cut her off though, I bet it's pity." You would overhear. You get it. It wasn't ideal for some tall, gorgeous albeit weird man to be hanging out with you of all people, but Jin didn't care because you were friends... friends. That's it.

And yeah, it hurt sometimes, seeing him go on dates, or staying at his apartment when he would tell you to wait for him, even though he was out with a girl 10 times prettier, he always came back alone. Always came back to you.

You had become a confidante for him. Someone who knew a little more, but didn't judge no matter what he did. You were the cool friend, the one everyone could depend on to be there, the one everyone joked to Jin about when they'd tell him to go look after his noona, and you, being as awkward as you were, always played it off when you'd see the pink hue in his cheeks. It never crossed your mind to think any different of him until your regular movie night Wednesday. 

You were binging Lord of the Rings on his couch, in your cookie monster pajamas left over from last time while you sat next to Jin, tired from working all day.

"I guess an office job can wear you out." He chuckled.

"Definitely in more ways than one. My brain can only take so much annoyance from everyone. I just need Aragorn to murder a few orcs and it'll make me feel 10 times better." You said yawning, while Jin just stared at the TV hands on his knees. He seemed out of it for some reason, but your day being as long as it had you didn't want to pry. Sometimes Jin liked silence, and this was definitely one of those times. 

As you watched the elves on screen, bow and arrow shooting towards the dark, you started dozing off on a pillow placed near his lap. You could feel his fingertips rubbing your scalp the way you had mentioned your mom did when you had a hard time sleeping. You could hear him humming a song, your favorite, especially because he had written it for your birthday last year. Things like this made you wish sometimes that people wouldn't joke the way they do. That it wasn't weird for you to be friends, because Jin got you. He knew you were quiet some days, and extra loud others. He knew when you just needed someone to lean on, and you hoped that's what you were to him.

And there in the quiet, as you were almost asleep, you heard him. Three simple words.

"I love you."

It felt surreal and incredibly intimate. But even though you wanted to look up and tell him you loved him too, you froze. Eyes shut, breathing heavy, and panic setting in. You didn't know what to do. You can't tell if he just meant it as a friend. And if he did then you'd lose him, the one person to make you feel like you belong when you really didn't. He kept stroking your head and you told yourself it wasn't a big deal, that you would pretend to sleep, until sleep became real, and in the morning you'd leave just as friends, how it's always been.

When you wake up, you feel really uncomfortable, not being able to get anything out of your head. Over thinking as always, and if this was any other situation, Jin would be the first person you'd tell. But that obviously wasn't possible, so you got up and grabbed you things, said an awkward goodbye and left him cooking pancakes for the both of you.

"Are you sure you don't want any?" He yelled as you were already opening the door to get out of his apartment.

"No it's fine. I forgot I had a meeting to get to and I have to go change and get ready. I'll text you later." You yelled back, trying to sound casual, and not like you were on the verge of throwing up from the anxiety.

You texted him that night and told him you needed to focus on work, that you'd have to go to a few meetings after and you wouldn't be able to meet up. His demeanor never changed, it was always silly Seokjin, always calm,cool, And sweet Seokjin.

JIN: Hey, no worries you're fine. I have to go to a few dinners too, but since you'll be in meetings I'll have to take Hobi or Tae, they're the only ones that like these events anyway.

YOU: Thanks, you should take that girl that you took last time though or you'll end up old and alone. :P

JIN: Maybe, not sure. I'll text you later though, bye!

It was fine right? You would be fine. And he would go out and be his normal charming cool guy self. Just like always. You just needed a moment to get back into the friend zone. And although you'd just lay in bed and lie to him about where you were, you knew eventually you'd have to see him. 

So the day came, well, he more so showed up at your apartment at two am and you couldn't really avoid him. When you opened the door, you don't look up, even though he towers over you. 

"____ what's wrong?"

You can hear the hurt in his voice as he says your name, and yet, you know that if you look up he'll see right through you. So you stare at his feet.

"Nothing just tired from work. What's going on?" You mumble, trying to keep your composure as you look up as him for the first time. He sighs and looks away, scratching the back of his head, trying to figure out what to say next.

"What did I do? Are you mad? I just, I don't know why you're avoiding me, and you tell me everything. So I can't fix it if I don't know what's wrong." He tells you quietly, as if he was reassuring himself to you. That your friendship meant more than just a few races of Mario Kart or a permanent plus one that he didn't have to explain more than just, "yeah, she's a friend." And everyone would just get it, no questions asked. 

But suddenly you were in his arms, and you can smell the fresh cotton scent you've become so used to. You can feel his warmth when he presses into you and you can hear his heartbeat pounding into your ears. 

It wasn't like you didn't miss him, you did, too much for a friend though. And how were you going to break it to him. That you, the one who's supposed to be the cool noona, who doesn't mind just being friends, was in too deep? How could you tell him so he just gives you time to be his friend again? Because losing him would be way worse than anything else thrown at you.

You squeeze your eyes shut as you wrap your arms around his torso in response to his sudden hug. It was second nature to do so, but this time it just felt like it was the last time and you wanted to hold on as long as possible. He brushed your hair with his fingers, and swayed side to side because he knew that made you smile. You took a deep breath, not realizing you had been holding it in since he had first leaned against you.

"It's ok, _______, hey I'm fine, you're fine, nothing's wrong. I know you need space sometimes, but I can't have you lying to me about where you are when we tell each other everything. I didn't mean to scare you. Hey, it's ok don't worry." He pats your head and holds you close realizing for the first time that you're crying. You clear your throat and back away from him wiping away your tears with your sweater paws, trying to regain a little sanity.

"I wasn't lying, I'm just ... tired." You tell him sounding coarse, more tired than you knew. "Work is overwhelming and I just needed some time to myself. You know me, I..."

"No, you don't,not from me anyway. You don't and I know because I know you _____, like the back of my hand I know you." Jin said, sounding louder than he meant to. Taking a step back and breathing once before continuing, "But, I get it. I'm not sure why, but I get that you need space from me." He looks down and sighs, making your heart break a little more each time. He pinches the bridge of his nose and you know it's his form of keeping a level head. He does it when he's mad, or worse, when he doesn't want you to see him cry. 

He looks at you one more time and you can tell. He's tired, and his pleading look is something you thought you'd never be the cause of. But, what's worse? Leaving it here, or telling him the truth and watching him walk out, for real this time?

"Just... give me 2 more days. I just need 2 more days and I promise I'll come back. I just... I just need 2..." you stare at him, but with your own pleading look this time, you words soft and sad. For what, you don't know. Maybe the end, realizing, it might be the last time he visits you?

"Ok, ok _______. 2 days, but when you come back to me I want to know. I really do, whatever you give me. I'll accept it, just like you do to me. No judgement, no worries. But please, 2 days, come back." He grabs your hand and rubs along your wrist, a sign of affection he was used to giving you as he goes in for one more hug. This time he holds you a little tighter, maybe even a little longer, before he clears his throat, takes a deep breath and turns to walk to his car.

You stare at him going down the sidewalk and breathe, 2, 3. He's almost gone ______, and then you really need to get your shit together before you really lose him, you chide yourself silently.

Jin turns and waves, nodding once for goodbye while he smiles softly. His cheeks puff a little in the lamplight and you can see a glare. There was no way he was crying was there? You'd only seen him do it once when you dared him to eat your grandma's salsa that had a little too much jalapeño causing him to cry out in pain. The confused look you had, made him stop for a second before getting into his car and leaving towards his home.

Lying in bed, you kept twisting and turning, feeling way too hot to sleep and nothing could fix it. You walk to the kitchen and pull out some food, but it just gives you nausea thinking about what just happened so you settle for the milk and cereal.

Why'd you have to be so suspicious looking? Like you did something you weren't proud of? I mean, being in love with your best friend isn't a crime, it's just, not common, especially between you two. You went over the scenario in your head again, thinking about what you should have done differently so you wouldn't have to tell him the truth. You look at the cereal and look at the almost empty carton of milk before you grab a bowl and throw everything in trying to stuff your face and forget. 

2 days, 2 days, to figure out how to tell Jin that you love him in a way that isn't the same anymore. And it's all his fault, his, and stupid Lord of the Rings, that you promised to never watch again if this didn't fix itself.

To say that you were productive in trying to figure out the best way to tell your best friend that you were in love with him was a complete over exaggeration. You lied in bed, eating snickers, listening to old Taylor Swift songs- that you hated, but Jin thought were cute, and cried into your pillow like a maniac. There were moments of clarity sure, where you'd write, or at least begin to write, Jin a letter of things you wanted to tell him. Maybe give him a pros and cons list of being your friend still, but you always came up short, Both literally and figuratively. It was frustrating because at the end of the day, Jin had everything. He had his best group of friends, he had girls fawning over him, he had a stable family, a bougie apartment, and a great job. All you offered were some really intense matches of Capcom VS Marvel, and we all know, Jungkook would be a much better opponent. But here you were, trying to figure out where you went wrong, why you had to take his confession in any other way than platonically, and therefore ruin your friendship.

Day 2 came by after a sleepless night. You called Jin and told him as cool as you could that you'd be at his house no later than 8, and to be ready with Captain America Winter Soldier because it was the best and he couldn't change your mind.

"Yes, I get it. Bucky is your dude, no need to rub it in. Don't forget though" his voice getting softer, "I miss you so hurry up"

"Yes I know, you can't live without me and life is unbearable because you have no one warm to cuddle to. Although, I should definitely charge for being your own personal teddy bear." You laugh, as calmly as you can, nerves on the other end running towards you throat to make you sound cringier than normal. 

7 o'clock came and you got ready. Jeans and Jins sweatshirt, not that he would care. Most of them ended up in your house and consequently on you because you liked that his long arms made the perfect sweater paws. You put your hair up in a bun and you told yourself once more through the mirror, "Hey, it isn't the end, everything goes, and if he does too, you'll survive". You nodded to yourself and put the best fake smile you could as you walk towards your car and get in, driving to your version of the end of the world.

Jin opens the door and his eyes light up in the best possible way. You always admired that about him, his true emotions always on his sleeve, and today, you hoped that his eyes would stay like this even after your confession. 

"You gonna let me in or do I have to shove my way through?" You smile as best you can, telling yourself, only a few more minutes until it's all over, just breathe, you'll be ok.

"Nah, you can fight me first!" he teased and went in for a hug. You inhaled his scent like it was the only oxygen you could ever need in life. It was odd, he didn't let go, and although you hated the thought of doing it first, you knew you had to, so you rubbed his back a second went in for the kill, tickling him in his ribs when he least expected it.

"Really!? Wait, no stop! STOP IT YOU WIN!!" He yells as he pulls you in for another hug, He breathes you in for a second, relaxing, "I really missed you. This was way too long, and I don't know how I survived without you" he sighed, his shoulders slouching into you, even when he could easily engulf your whole body in his large frame.

You blush pulling back and patting his arm in the friendliest of ways, "Back at you! Let's go watch Bucky be a beast!" Hoping that he didn't see you cringe to yourself as you said it.

What a dork, you murmur to yourself as you sit on his couch, knocking your shoes off one at a time. You sit cross legged on the sofa waiting for the movie to start before Jin turns off the screen.

"Hey" he says as he sits in front of you on the floor in the same exact way as you. You look at him, a sneer in your stare as you grab a pillow and throw it at his head. He chuckles as he turns away trying not to get hit. But as he turns back you can see the look in his eyes. It's the same one he had 2 nights ago, and it's the one you knew would come back today.

"Yeah, what's up" you tell him, tilting your head to the side,hoping he can just see the tension in your face and leave it alone.

He stares at you for a quick second, thoughts floating in his pupils about what move to make next.

He gets on both knees and gets close to your face, startling you frozen in front of him. You can feel him breathing on you, and you don't know why, but the sudden urge to cup his face with your hand comes out snd you're rubbing your thumb across his cheek. 

He holds your hand within his and closes his eyes for a second, and you can feel him shaking slightly. Is he nervous? Does he think you'll leave him on purpose? I guess it's now or never.

"Jin, I.."

"I know, and if it makes you feel better, I do too."

"Lies, you don't even know what I'm going to say. Do you always have to win? I mean I try my hardest and it's not fair when your fingers are longer than ..." and his lips are on yours, effectively shutting you up from saying something even more stupid than you already had.

You look around the room, feeling like it's spinning, holding on for dear life to his sweater collar because if you let go you'd collapse. 

You close your eyes and and scrunch your face trying to burn it into your memory. A kiss, that's all this is, but it's not. It's his kiss. It's dorky, nerdy, handsome, beautiful Jin's kiss and it's perfect, just like him.

You slowly wrap your hands around his neck as he breathes you in, turning slightly so you can be more comfortable and pulls back to smile at your dumbfounded face. You keep your eyes closed hoping it wasn't just a figment of your imagination before you hear him chuckle, his stupid Jin chuckle.

"What? Why are you laughing? Is this funny to you? How?! How rude" you aim to slap his arm, but he catches it and grabs you by the waist pulling you in for a hug.

"Don't ever do that again, you promise? It wasn't fun, and I don't know if I scared you when I told you I love you because I thought you were sleeping, but I really meant it." Jin kisses your collarbone as he nuzzles into your neck.

"I didn't know, I really didn't, but I'm glad I do now. This anxiety was killing me, and literally the only person I could tell was Tae and we all know how weird he gets when we talk about our feelings. I mean, remember that one time I-"

"Just, here, -" He places another kiss on your lips, then your cheeks, your nose, and your forehead, effectively making you mush. "At least now I know how to really shut you up when you start your monologues"

"Oh shut up and come here" you smile and you pull him up to the couch and snuggle with him under the blanket. 

This was the one thing you didn't think would happen today, and although you lost maybe 10 years from the anxiety alone, it was definitely worth it, you tell yourself as you look at him while he's singing along to the marvel theme song. 

That's my nerd, my Jin.

[snowbarrywatercooler]

While I love Grant Gustin to pieces, I'm not looking forward to watching an hour long comic con involving him and Kevin praising WestAllen. Though I can't help but be curious about his forced answered and body language. If it's not too much trouble, could you pinpoint some of those moments in the video? I know it's on YouTube so I'd have no problem finding it. I'd just rather not watch the whole thing. Thank you in advance!

Here’s what I can sum up from the video.

VIP is $311. x Grant looks and acts tired from shooting Season 4 overall. David Rappaport knew him from 90210 and casthim in the role. David is also responsible for casting Candice too.Andrea was there. Right behind him at his signing booth.

Kevin moderated the interview, he compares Grant’s work ethic to Matt Damon’s. Grantkeeps smiling and waving at his fans, he’s genuine even though he looks tired.Fame and wealth make Grant nervous, that’s why he doesn’t do many cons.Kevin keeps praising Season 4 over and over but he doesn’t mean it in histone. Grant is just nodding along. Praising the show along with him. Especially because they know what it’s leading up to. These questions are pre-screened, nothing is said on the air that Grant is not prepared to answer.On how he was cast: he tested the same time as Carlos. He claims theonly person he did a chemistry read was with Candice. I notice how he spokethere, he was lying because we would have seen it by now in some way, leaked or on a DVD. He neglected to bring up his screen test with EBR,which was on Season 1 DVD, his “chemistry test” with Candice was not, “so much chemistry.” Why can’t we see it then?12:46 is where the WA talk begins. The “drama for the sake of drama comment.” Even with the small cheering Grant’s face saysit all…his body scrunches up, his shoulders are held back and tight,his face is holding something that looks like a forced smile but he isn’t smiling,he’s acting, trying to sell WA. Kevin in spite of having the question already memorized looks down.

Kevin ignores the that fact of WA are step-siblings and insteadcalls them “childhood besties” no mention of incest at all going right into “nowyou guys are married.” Grant during all of this was holding a fist and fidgeting a lot,why he is so uncomfortable? If he has chemistry with CP, why does he giveoff so much discomfort whenever WA is brought up? Grant also says “if we canstay on the air long enough” and “I hope everyone saw the finale” which indicates he isn’tconfident in the show anymore. He doesn’t know what will happen. He triesto sell us WA but he can’t help being honest in the same answer, he can’tlie but he can’t piss off his bosses. When Grant mentions “I guess we’llsee…a kid? In the future.” A small crowd cheers but when the camera pansto the crowd nobody is smiling. 

I’ve counted, maybe 4-5 WAs in a sea of 8,000, andeveryone is just as serious as Grant. These are not WA stans, they are superGG fans. Nobody cares about WA.

14:16 is where it ends. Grant is relievedthe discussion is over. His curt laugh at the end points that out.6-23 was the date of the panel, Grant hasn’t gotten the script yet, but will receive it on that weekend. When this is posted Grant will have already gotten the script.On Monday the 25th was the meeting with HELLbing.Season 1 Grant was reading The New 52 to learn about BA and TF. Season 2he stopped doing that so he can focus more on the acting. He also said “as someone growingup with superheroes you don’t want to get sick of it.” Grant’s energy really picked up when Kevin started talking about the firstepisode he directed. You can tell Grant loves working with him. Kevin feelsthe same way. When they are just talking Flash, it looks natural, less forced,less promo salesman, it looks like two friends talking as opposed to Viris or WA awkwardness. 

22.56 is where Kevin brings up “in every episode there is always a WA peptalk scene” it seemed they just glazed over it and Grant just nods “yup” in a repeated manner agreeing that it’s monotonous to do. 

Grant praises Jesse L Martin, being a fan of his because he bonded with himfirst and he was in Rent. Tom Canavagh is brought up and Grant says he ishis favorite actor to work with. Grant talked about Tom and Grant, the moviewas based on their real on set unfunny gags, Tom wrote and directed the shortmovie. After wrapping up Season 3 Grant had plans to do a movie and Tom filmedthe short movie in 2 days. The movie Grant was supposed be a part of “fell through”it could be referring to a recast because he wasn’t available at the time.Grant says he likes Time Travel and fans will ask him questions but he alwayssays he is confused. If the writers knew what they were writing about, I’msure Grant would have a clearer answer for the fans. He clearly likes it whenBarry time travels but when it’s used the right way.He loves Captain Cold and Wentworth as a “frienemy.” Big cheers for thatone and pan to the crowd to see smiles. Weather Wizard was brought up ashis favorite rogue. Mark Hamill as The Trickster.Kevin said his favorite season is the first one and that his favorite episodewas 1x15 where Barry time travels for the first time, Danielle was mentioned. He quotes the show as “Dawson’s Creek with capes.” Greg Berlanti wasa head writer on Dawson’s Creek. 28:17 is where Grant demonstrates how he does “the run” on the show. They don’tshoot his legs in frame. At the beginning they did with a treadmill.Grant is aware of what people are saying about his physic, body frame andKevin states “you have a runner’s body.” Grant agrees, “I have more of a runner’sbody than any other type.” Grant’s favorite episode is the Season 1 finale. Grant is very proud of theepisode and Kevin agrees as he brings up his infamous crying video he postedon youtube that gave him the opportunity to direct the show.Fan Q&A was around 30min mark. First question was: What is going to happenwith Nora Allen? Grant’s response is “she’s trapped in our time. We’re probablygoing to see Barry help her get back to her time.” Second question was about Grant’s education. He never graduated from ElonUniversity but was made an Alumni. He left after hisSophomore year to go on the road for “West Side Story.” Grant didn’t believehe would end up on TV, he thought he would be on the Broadway stage.Third question was about how they shoot each episode. Grant says they prepfor a week prior with table reads of the script, then shoot an episode for8-9 days. The network and studio watch it and make notes and cuts, during that time the SFX are added in. Every time an episode is finished it is 2 months agoso the show has a lot of time to omit, re shoot, polish what they want interms of what will make the cut. I don’t believe at all the show runnersare avoiding the feedback. They could easily incorporate so many things for future episodes it’sthat they choose not to. Do not tell me this is hard for them to do. Thisis how TV is run, especially a show like this. Grant says his favorite crossovers to shoot was possibly the last one inEarth X, but it was the hardest one, the Supergirl crossover was highlightedbecause of the location in LA. Grant lives in Venice Beach, Ca. Brandon Routhis his favorite actor to work with aside from Melissa and Stephen.Grant says working with Tom is a blessing and a challenge. He lovesbeing directed by Tom almost as good as being directed by Kevin. Flash has made him want to be a director but he doesn’t see it happeningwith the show. He calls it “impossible” but he mentions being interested indirecting an episode for their last season if “they let him.” The amountof control these show runners have is disgusting. Grant is a decent person and the star.He shouldn’t feel apprehensive if he wanted to direct, it’d be an honor if he did.He understands the character better than anyone. Kevin snuck in “before itall ends, who knows it might go on forever” Grant responds with “notforever.” At 38:10 the question is: how many more seasons do you think the show isgoing to do? He said at least 3 more, that takes it up to Season 7 but he saysanything could happen. Kevin adds “it’s strong in the ratings forThe CW.” Meaning if it was on a real network, it would be already cancelled.2 million viewers is not high. Right now with the adjusted they are at 3.0,with a demo of .6 thanks to the horrible Season 4 disaster Viris WA obsession. Kevin also added which surprisedme “the show will go on as long as Grant wants it to go.” Grant said he knew Kevin was gonna say that. Kevin says back it could go on for 26 seasons. Grant says sarcastically “imagine that?” Grant’s favorite musical is “Singin in the Rain” which got him interested in performing. The best part of being Flash is they give him his own superhero suit. Hementions wanting an authentic version of Christopher Reeves Superman suit.He likes wearing Star Labs and CCPD sweatshirts. The guy who asked the questionstarted asking Kevin a question and Grant was all “wtf wasn’t this supposedto be about me”? Everyone in the crowd laughed.His most difficult scene to film which was also his favorite was the scenewith Barry and his mom at the end of Season 1. His other most difficultscene was in Tom Canvanagh’s directed episode 3x19 where EmoBarry was. Kevincalled Grant with the wig “My Chemical Barry.” Grant said it was hard to shootbecause of the two conflicting emotions of playing Present Barry and FutureBarry wearing “a stupid wig.” Kevin compared EmoBarry to a “Hot Topic Employee.”Grant’s favorite Season is the first one, mainly because of how well the finale was constructed “so perfectly.”46:18 is where the question about which he prefers: his fictional WArelationship or his real relationship with Andrea. His exact words are: “Ienjoy my real relationship much more. Nothing against Candice, love to d-greatly.Yeah, it’s obviously very different. One is scripted for me and fictional.One plays itself out and I love her very much in real life. So, I think thoseare probably the biggest differences.” He doesn’t know what to say, the questionitself was lame, obviously there are huge separations from fiction and fact something the delusional doesn’t comprehend.Grant feels uncomfortable answering but he was polite and humored the guywho was obviously a huge Gr*ndice and WA stan. One of the 5 stans in there.When Grant does cons he doesn’t know how much it means to people and he’sgrateful for everything the fans give. He loves what he does. Grant loved filming the musical episode. No WA mentions. Especially singing “Superfriend”because he got to tap dance again. The crowd wants him to sing the song andGrant says he won’t. He thinks the heroes in real life are the troops, his mom because she was a single mother and supported his dreams.A fan asked “will we get a Run Nora, Run from Barry?” Grant credits Tom formaking that line iconic. Kevin agrees. Kevin says he did versions of theline in “The Runaway Dinosaur” because he loved it so much. Kevin said it is the show’s version of “May the force be with you.” No mention of “we are the flash” I wonder why….Grant answered what he has learned being The Flash and Grant credits Season1 again. He learned a lot from Barry’s empathy, his humility. He is a betterman than Grant is. 

Grant got another fan request shout out but in the videohe said “Are we ready? You’re not here but 8,000 other people are.” Crowdwent nuts. The same fan asked him if he wanted to play a Marvel superhero,which would he play. He said Spider-Man. Grant comments on what it’s like to be the star of a TV show. Even thoughhe knows he is the star in truth, he is very humble in saying it’s an ensembleshow. No mentions of CP or IW or WA. Hear that stans who stalk this blog? Grant is too much of a gentlemen to bait you demons.Grant’s most embarrassing scene was when he slide across the floor in 4x02“Mixed Signals” paying homage to Risky Business. He says because he has “chickenlegs.” He also says in the finale when Wally comes back he dropped 6 champagne glasses in 2 takes. It’s included in the bloopers. He says if he goes to the Vancouver Con he will bringhis dogs. Grant says he watches when people on set run and walk and compare it to howhe does it unintentionally. He’s met people in life that want to race him.He feels like he is a fast runner in real life, but he admits out loud hedoesn’t like running. When they are using science jargon, Grant doesn’t know what they are talking about unless he googles it. Grant loves playing the villain more than the hero. Savitar was a lot of fun for him to play. It could be because he loved working with Danielle more closely but the show will not allow any Snowbarry mentions, he’s there to plug WA, it would destroy WA as a whole and he knows it.The last couple of minutes they were talking about Grant’s famous slide into scenes, he does it at the last minute of the interview. Do with the information as you will. Grant has highs and lows here. Whenthe lows are pretty low it’s jarring when they are high it’s obvious wherehis heart is. He is a good guy that doesn’t deserve the bad treatment he’sbeen getting. Whether it’s about his character, CP’s repeated abuse of him and body shamming. Grant is nothing but friendly and takes the punches with thepraise. I hope he does more cons in the future, maybe when he is more rested and less fatigued.

[storyofauke]

So ... I was wondering. You are reading Ayano Yamana for the first time and I've read her for the first time around 12 years ago. And I can't help but wonder: do you think she is good? Storywise? Characterwise? Because I used to really like her. And now I've come to realize that it is her drawing style I like but her characters are weak af (tell me anything about Asami's character, I DARE you) and her stories are very much all over the place.

(Pasting in your other notes:) I’ve read almost everything she has ever published and until someone pointed it out, I never even realized that her Ukes are pretty much all the same character (Takaya - Val) and her Seme’s are all the same non-personality douchebags. I still think Crimson Spell is a valiant effort in giving one of her Seme’s a bit of a character, but in that case the story makes no sense and is super drawn out bc she obviously doesn’t know where she is going with it anymore (which … 10 years woman!)Sensei is sadly not very good at bringing across information without it being exposition or information sheets or something.

Short answer: Yes, I think she’s good. Working within a set of tropes, she still manages to find depth and freshness and has evolved over the years so that she has turned those tropes in her favor–considering that the first chapter was never meant to be the beginning of an extended series, how she has managed to take that beginning and spin it into a believable relationship took skill and imagination, as does the fact that she still uses the influences of that beginning within the story even sixteen years on. Yes, she’s good.

Longer answer: Sure, she isn’t the mangaka for everybody. This isn’t the series for everybody. It is extremely trope-y. Long-term yaoi readers may be looking for something different by this point. Maybe it’s not her; maybe it’s you, is what I’m saying, and I don’t mean that as an insult. Not every story is intended for every reader. And reading tastes change over years. Doesn’t make you wrong. Doesn’t make her wrong.

What you need to consider in order to be fair to sensei is to identify the goal of her work. Has she ever pretended that Finder is anything more than advertised? No. It’s a yaoi, as stated, a hot story of hot sex between a hot crime lord and a hot photographer and the emotional entanglements that entails. Goal achieved.

But I do believe a deeper read is available. Is it War and Peace? Of course not. But there is a complexity to the relationship between Asami and Akihito (and Fei Long, tangentially) that deserves acknowledgment. I don’t think fans would have stayed with the story through sixteen years and nine volumes if there wasn’t something more to the characters than pretty drawings. 

Your other points:

Her ukes are the same:  Visually, they’re similar, but that is true of many yaoi artists. Vald and Aki share a certain naivete but Vald is almost ridiculously good and pure (which is super tough to pull off in fiction–a flawlessly good character who isn’t obnoxious, which Vald certainly isn’t) while Aki, who is kind, decent and forgiving, is capable of negative feelings, thoughts and reactions that Vald would never entertain. Vald is also far more confident and self-possessed than Aki, who suffers from some self-esteem issues. Aki isn’t nearly as selfless as Vald, either. And you forgot Ranmaru, who is absolutely nothing like either Aki or Vald.

“Tell me anything about Asami’s character, I DARE you”  Oh man. Don’t dare me to do stuff. Okay–wait, did you really read this thing? Because sometimes I wonder because it always seems to me like this stuff is there. If you’re looking for it. Sometimes readers read with an agenda already in mind so they willfully overlook what doesn’t fit that agenda. There are plenty of moments that reveal Asami’s character (and this addresses your complaint about sensei not providing information unless it’s through exposition or information sheets.) And since most of the manga is from Aki’s POV so that we rarely get Asami’s interior thoughts, it’s impressive what she manages to convey about a character who is so emotionally buttoned down. The fact that he is emotionally buttoned down is a thing about his character and not a failing on sensei’s part. 

Okay, insights sensei has provided to Asami’s character: 

- Asami inspires loyalty–even from those who are in positions morally opposed to his.- Asami has a hidden goofy sense of humor, one that we only see flashes of when he’s with Akihito, giving us the sense that there is something Asami sees in Akihito that makes him feel comfortable revealing this side of himself.- Asami is indulgent with those he cares about.- He isn’t always adept at expressing it, though, suggesting a level of social awkwardness he has learned to mask.- Asami, while neat and appreciative of fine things, is nevertheless careless of his surroundings (never changed the decor of the penthouse, frex.)- Though enormously successful and capable of being ruthless, Asami sometimes makes bad errors in judgment (*cough*Sudou*cough*) when he allows emotions to get in the way (*cough*Fei Long*cough*)- Once attached to someone, as he is with Akihito, he fears loss, sometimes to an extreme. (We see this over and over.)- And just take a look at the recent neko extra, a dream Asami had that revealed a great deal about his character. The cool thing about that is how differently Asami views both himself and the relationship as opposed to what we usually get from Aki. Like how Aki is still pretty scared of Asami on some level, while Asami views himself as a caring cuddlebug, at least subconsciously. My meta on the neko extra here. I also found Akihito’s birthday extra to be full of surprising insights. In fact, I think the extras are where you will find sensei feels more free to play with the gentler emotions of her characters and allow them to be more expressive while staying in character.

I could keep going, but this wasn’t the meta I was planning to write today. But seriously, there’s plenty more. 

But as an example of sensei’s questioned skill, let’s take a moment to tease apart a scene I find to be brilliantly conceived and deeply revealing of Asami’s character, and it is done without words in three little panels. 

Get out your volume seven (or head on over to mangago and look at chapter 48 in volume seven) and look at the scene after Aki is dragged back and Asami ravishes him. A well-fucked Aki is lolling about in bed, having a Scarlet O’Hara moment, pretty much at peace with the turn of events. Asami, meanwhile, is in the shower. If you’re just racing through reading, that might be all you see: Asami standing in the shower. But take a moment and really look:

Notice that Asami has turned off the shower yet he remains in the stall, head hanging, arms braced against the walls, unhappy. Asami is unhappy and very much not at peace. Why? He got Aki back. He just plowed him into the mattress. Aki gave in to him once again. Isn’t that all he wanted?

No. Oh no. Sensei knows her character better than that. In the previous chapter, Asami peppered Aki with questions. “Is there anyone besides me that can satisfy you?” (Oo, one more “thing” about Asami, who may appear super capable but is unsure of where he stands with Aki.)  “Why are you confused?” Aki tells him “Why don’t you just tie me up and lock me away if that’s what you want?”

But that’s not the answer Asami wants and so he stands dripping and brooding in the shower. Asami wants Aki to choose to be with him, not to have to drag him back, certainly not to have to tie him up to keep him. He wants a lover who WANTS to be with him. 

Think about it. This is a man surrounded by people whose motives are always in question. And this point is brought home in the following scene, when Kuroda arrives to discuss Sudou. Asami’s bitter mood persists throughout the interview. Kuroda even remarks on it. The mood doesn’t lift until Kuroda leaves and Aki comes out to talk to Asami and THIS happens:

Aki reveals he is jealous of Sudou. He gives Asami the assurance Asami so badly needed and Asami even smiles. 

So that’s a lot of emotional characterization stuff going on in just this one scene. Is Asami anyone’s ideal mate? No. But I disagree that he’s lacking in characterization. 

That’s about as much as I have time for today, but I could go on and on. You can search my tumblr under the tag “you’re my loveprize in viewfinder” and/or “finder series” for more stuff if you’re so inclined. I was doing a chapter-by-chapter thing and got as far as the end of volume three with plenty of stuff to talk about, and honestly, I think sensei has only gotten better. Yaoi has evolved since sensei began this series and I think she has managed to evolve with it without a jarring shift of tone–because after all, this is still a yaoi in the classic sense of the term, and for that, I think Yamane Ayano deserves credit. It is a skill to play within boundaries and yet remain fresh after all of this time.

Since beginning this tumblr, I have read many many more yaoi. Are there better yaoi out there in terms of literary quality? Yaoi that break the mold and cast off stereotypes? Of course. But as an example of what can be done with the core tropes that make yaoi what it is while expanding those tropes without betraying the genre, I think it’s hard to find a better representative work. 

(I hope this doesn’t read as harsh. My language tends to get starchy when I really get rolling! I enjoyed thinking about the points you brought up.)