#this is why I can never be a professional writer btw. two years to finish a fanfiction that is only like 6000 words. an original project of

[wickershells]

missed it yesterday so happy belated two-year anniversary to my unearthly, beautiful lover: bones and all 2022

[autumnslance]

Writing To Yourself

(Mileage may vary, I'm not your mom nor your teacher--unless you're working for a specific state healthcare service, anyway.)

That's how you garden. Tend the plot. Plant a million seeds, reap a thousand blooms. The rest? Compost for the next crop. -@biot08 / @driftward

During a Discord convo, I thought about why so many fandom writers catch “writer’s block”, and some of it goes back to self-care and taking in new media, getting inspiration and knowledge, covered in this post. But much of it?

People think everything they create has to be publishable for others’ consumption. That is Not True. Too often we don't want to write things just for the sake of writing them, falling into the trap of thinking it needs to be perfectly polished and shared, but No It Really Doesn't.

Folks talk about “writing for oneself” but in terms of posting finished pieces of the kinds they want to see. If everything feels like it “has to be” publishable, it can start to put too much pressure on oneself. And then there’s your block, especially if the type to worry about how others Perceive you and your art.

Try simply writing anything and deciding later if it's something you want to share. I have pieces I wrote cuz my brain suddenly said it wanted to, but that writing isn't posted anywhere. Usually it’s random lines; out of context sentences, scenes, or bits of dialogue. Sometimes just incoherent character rambling. Ideas for situations and what ifs. Misspelled, typos, not grammatical, redundant wording, passive voice, bad POV, too many adverbs, not enough active verbs, not enough description, too much description, etc. All in notebooks or doc files. I’ve shared the (now out-dated) deep nests of my WIPs folders and the multiple, unfinished, unpolished pieces within them. Most will never be completed nor seen by the public. 

For instance, I've a random smut fic of a Highlander Warrior of Light and the popular antagonist of Shadowbringers. I'm not usually a villain liker, but one day it hit my brain, so I wrote it. I have notes and outlines for the rest of their story and how it plays out, though I'll probably never write more. I scratched the writing itch, stretched some skills, considered things from a different angle, and now it sits in drafts (I did post a couple decent-ish smut lines to my private Twitter once).

Mostly, it's practice. Even if it's junk and janky.

“But I have (professionally) published X or Y…”

Still gotta exercise the writing muscles! Still gotta scrawl off something utterly unusable now and again for the heck of it!

All those random lines, descriptions, scenes, rambles? Maybe I'll use them someday. I wrote them down to feel the pen in my hand or keys clacking under my fingers, to see the words pop onto the page or screen, to play with word choice, sentence structures, and “how would they say that?” For my own satisfaction, no one else’s.

When I get bored or stuck, or need a screenshot or writing prompt response, I might poke at those lines, pages, rambles, and see if they hit now or spin off to something else. They often don’t. But sometimes they help inform other things I do post to the public later. Even if that’s just a Question of the Day prompt response on Twitter.

(That also counts as writing and creating btw; you’re still coming up with something to share about your characters and I think that’s very creative of you.)

If the mood strikes, write. Even if it's just a vague idea--especially if it's any bits of dialogue or description, if it's something you think that you actually do want to write when off work or out of bed or whatever.

Even if you never post it anywhere public. Even if it never gets out of crummy first draft, unfinished pages form. It might feel like pulling teeth and look rough, especially if it’s been awhile.

But still write it. No one else has to know or see. Not until you want them to.

Maybe parts of it will inform something you do finish later. Maybe two years from now another prompt will hit just right and you’ll dig out that draft and finish it for posting. Maybe you’ll cannibalize aspects of it for an entirely different piece. Maybe you’ll even use it in a few more years to see how far you’ve come as a writer.

In many cases? That's how you actually keep writer's block away. Keeping ideas around to steal from yourself, letting yourself write nonsense, unpublishable bits and pieces, maybe even whole pages, just for the heck of it, if writing is something one enjoys and wants to stick with as a hobby (or professionally). If you don’t enjoy writing for fun? Don’t force it; do little character prompts and blurbs as they feel right, and find the ways to share creativity that work for you.

And seriously, don’t forget to take in new media, experiences, and information. This is How You Lose the Time War got me writing on an original story I shelved last autumn. The stories aren't at all alike! But seeing new words in new ways helped shake something loose in my brain. So try to make some time for that, too.

Write to yourself, not for others’ consumption. Public posting is great for validation and encouragement, for when we feel the urge to share due to pride or just wanting to gush about our faves. But also let yourself remember why you liked creating worlds, making up stuff about your characters, and writing at all to begin with, without the pressure of public posting. Give yourself some grace, and let it all be messy, unhinged, misspelled, ungrammatical, incomplete, and make no narrative sense.

Write to yourself, for yourself. Then let the rest follow.

[broxklynn]

The End Of My Candy Love

Warning!

Alright, so. This post will contain a lot. First of all, it's gonna be really sloppy. I'm very emotional person and I easily get attached to games, movies and stuff. I know it's a bit weird, but yeah, I'm a weird person. Anyway, that's why there's a warning: there's gonna be a lot of sloppiness, grammar mistakes (at least I think so, specially since english isn't my native languange) and it's probably going to be long. So, if you're intrested in reading my thoughts about everything - good luck.

First Adventure

I first heard about "My Candy Love" in 2015, six years ago. So, I was basically a baby (I'm pretty young). And I started playing a year after, I got totally obssesed with Lysander and I fell in love, seriously, haha. I was into writing back then, but I couldn't find any ideas on "what to write?" and MCL gave me just that - inspiration (that's most likely why I'm just a romance freak).

My Story

You know, I was a child so I couldn't really pay for AP, but I always found some kind of way to get them. But then I got my phone I just used money from that, geez, I was nuts. The old AP system was so iconic, looking for Nathaniel, finding Kiki, I'm gonna miss it.

Anyway, I got along with Castiel pretty well (which suprises me 'cause I found about walkthroughs in 2017, like year after, so maybe it was because I was a brat?), but I adored Lysander. Oh, I also loved Ken (I was so sad when he went away) and Nathaniel. After I met Armin, I liked him too.

Again, being a child and playing a game like this I came across all diffrent kinds of emotions. I was laughing, crying, dying from embaressment (this thing with Nath and locker room, aaa) and getting seriously mad (Deborah's arc, Priya, Charlotte). I remember impatiently waiting for new episode to come out or crying my eyes out during Lysander's amnesia plot. Jesus. I loved the way Castiel was teasing Candy, I loved this cute-clumsy Kentin, I loved the old Nathaniel, I loved Armin and most of all - I loved my precious Lysander. I adored the interactions between characters, how funny or cringy they were and how much fun I had. I even like this secret-dating plot even when it got on my nerves. I still remember staying up late to watch videos like "lysander illustrations" and stuff. I also really enjoyed reading MCL manga and I spent hours trying to translate it from Spanish to English or my native languange (funfact: I still haven't finished it! I don't know where to find those mangas) or trying to draw something from the game up ending up terribly failing. Anyway, I was crying during the prom thing, my Candy was so grown-up, I got emotional, haha. So, 40 episode came in. I was pretty excited 'because, me, being extremely naive (I got to say, I've never had a problem with Beemoov before, I started playing MCL in 2016 and Eldarya in 2017, so there were no major issues with them, only the price of PA, I think) thought that my Lysander is going to propose (I was a child, ok?) and maybe, there's going to be a second season with us living together. Haha, how naive I was. Whole episode 40, really got me tearing up, I was a wreck, seriously (When Kentin couldn't take Candy's bra off I lost it or this whole ananas thing in Castiel's route, omg). But I finished it feeling happy. I truly enjoyed spending my time on this game. But, then this whole university thing came out. And the fact, that Lysander, Armin and Kentin won't be with us foe the next season. I spent entire vacation crying (I was a kiddo, ok?) and being mad at everyone. I felt like I got robbed. It was horrible.

"A New Chapter"

I was one of these people who just couldn't accept the change. Not in the world. Never. They stole my Lysander, Kentin and Armin from me and changed AP system to some kind of bullshit. God, I was mad. Really mad. Seeing Castiel was quite nice, but I didn't fill the void of my baby. But, oh, my, God. When I saw Nathaniel I just couldn't believe. I said I was mad? Then I was furious. I really liked the old Nathaniel, he had his own vibe, his backstory, his character and it was just, damn, amazing. But they changed him completely, for what? They wanted the second Castiel? Yeah, they got it. Priya as a love interest was quite a good move, tho. I even though I didn't like her (in highschool or in university) I liked the idea of adding a female interest. But the thing that hurted me, was the fact that Lysander was taking care of the farm. Like, no! He didn't want that. He didn't like the countryside. He had such a potential to become a author and Beemoov didn't let him. God, that broke my heart. Anyway, I didn't spent a single penny on MCLUL, but I have to say - I kinda enjoyed it. You know, it was the guily-pleasure kind of thing. I didn't like it as much as I liked highschool, but there were some good or funny moments. I loved Rayan's kiss scene. I adored Chani. Or Hyun making us watch "Toy Story". Nathaniel's ulgy green hair or all these crazy threesomes. I liked it. Kinda. I hated Nath tho. The ending, hm, it was okay, I guess? I do feel sort of nostalgic thinking about it 'cause I got some nice memories from it, in the end. But yeah, going on.

Love Life

Oh. My. Lord. I was so sceptical about it. Like, I was sure that, at this point they're going to do "My Candy Love Mid-Life Crises" next or some other shit. But in the end, I "kinda" like it. It wasn't good like highschool or fresh like university, but I was nice to see new chapters with our annoying-cringy Candy, that I love (btw, I started playing other otome games and I realized that Candy wasn't that bad). Meeting Eric was nice, even tho, this whole cheating plot really got me ragging. Like, damn, Beemoov, seriously? And if you going this, why not with old LIs? Just kidding. Anyway, I truly enjoyed meeting Dan and Eric, the two of them were quite a characters. I won't forget them, hah. I was happy with single ending, 'cause I think about it as a "open ending" when my Candy can go back to my baby and everything's going to be alright.

Regrets & Complaints

Now, now. Where do I start? AP system was a freaking nightmare. Replacing old Nathaniel with some kind of weird Castiel was a nightmare. Removing Lysander, Nathaniel, Armin and Kentin was a nightmare. Not finishing plots was a nightmare. And why in the whole Love Life I haven't seen Amber once? Why Alexy never mentioned Evan like they're not brothers? Why Castiel doesn't care that I was dating his bestfriend? And why, in the world, after changing the system finding Kiki is so damn easy? Why AP is so expensive? So many questions!

All The Good Times

But, I got to say. I will never forget this bitchy Castiel, cookie-monster Ken following us around. Or cute Nathaniel. Castiel buying Candy some kind of weird McDonald's. Or Lysander's parents exposing him having crush on Candy. Or seeing Kentin kissing Amber (ew). This super akward-funny sex ed lesson. Deborah's arc and losing my shit over it. Or Thomas (this weird child) stalking my Candy and her LI in the park. And Lysander asking us how to hide a body, aaa. Or Armin telling us he loves us. Or Kentin. And Cookie ripping this huge teddybear apart. Or the water fight in Kentin’s spin off. And crushing on Alexy and later on finding out he’s gay. Or spin-the-bottle game and Lysander getting jealous. Or Dake, being a creep for entire game straight. Or guessing what was guy's surnames. And for sure, I will never forget this demonic Kiki dog.

What it worth it?

In the end, yes. Have I ever told you that I want to become a professional writer? Silly dream, I know, but writing is a huge passion of mine, and well, my first story was based off My Candy Love (it is cringy as hell, but I feel kinda nostalgic thinking about it). All these years spending on playing game that I wasn't supposed to be playing was amazing. It was one of the best experiences I had in life and I will never, ever forget that.

What now?

Well, Beemoov is working on a new game and I'm kinda optimistic. I know, it's really naive of me, but I want to believe that they won't f*ck this up, this time. And going back to Sweet Amoris, well, I truly missed this place! And the teachers... And Kiki. I wonder, when it will be released and will Beemoov finally open up about telling us surnames and ages of love interests. Anyway, I want to believe they learnt from their mistakes.

In the end. Thank you, My Candy Love, for creating so many memories. I will be forever grateful. 

(I just re-read this post and it seems like I have really love-hate relationship with this game)

[latibulesims]

Hey Lati!

I’m so sorry to press you for more information, but I’m so fascinated by your filming process and I have some additional questions if that’s okay. Specifically around your sets that are just individual rooms, are these just multiple secular room sets on one lot, or do you use a different lot for each set? Like with the River’s house when any family member is coming downstairs, is Tresor or Raign’s room not on that lot? The living room and kitchen? Lol I’m just so fascinated by this if that’s the case, and if so it’s extremely impressive because they look like they all could actually be one complete set. Sorry if this makes zero sense, I’ve just never thought to try this and now I really want to! ☺️ Thanks so much!

Haha no you make total sense!! First of all thank you for watching my series, and don't worry at all about asking questions! I know filming with The Sims 2 can be difficult bc of how often it crashes and its loading time, so any tips I can give to help the game crash less, im happy to share 💖

The sets are actually on different lots entirely! So, when Tresor "comes downstairs", or the characters go from the living room to the kitchen, I load an entirely new lot! I think the only exception I make is with bathrooms because they're so tiny haha, but any time you see the characters going from one room to the other, it's usually a different lot all together. :')

It may sound exhausting to some, having to jump from one lot to another, but over the years (I've been doing this since 2017, at least!) I've managed some tips that help, for those that are interested:

1) I make multiple sims of the same character, so that every sim belongs to every lot! So, if Tresor for example needs to be in her bedroom, the living room and Simons bar within the same episode, I create 3 Tresors (TresorBED, TresorLIVING, TresorBAR), and that way I don't have to move her around.

I should also note that I change neighborhoods every episode (more on that in tip #3), so it might sound like a lot of sims over the episodes but really it's usually just 3 versions of the same character in one neighborhood at a time.

You might find it's easier to just move the sims from one lot to the other, but in my experience moving the sims around (or using the tombstone to extract them) always ends up crashing my game so this is a really good way to avoid it all together!

2) I don't film chronologically, but by sets! This is my #1 tip. I basically gather up all the scenes I have in 1 set and I film them. That way i dont have to go back and forth between lots, instead I just finish off all the scenes I need using a lot and move on to the next! Sometimes a set has so many scenes I end up filming in one set for weeks at a time (usually Simons bar, haha, that S2E1 Christmas episode needed like 3 sets (Simons bar, Simons living room, The Rivers living room), and I spent two months just filming in Simons bar).

The only time I won't recommend this, is when you havent yet found your own style. Then you might risk something like this happening: You're just starting to film, and you have the 1st and last scene in the episode in the same set. So, you film them both. Then you film a couple more scenes after that, and then you reach the final set and by then your filming skills have changed (if you haven't found your style and take months filming an episode - which is completely valid, BTW - this could mean a drastic change). Then, scene #1 (which you filmed at the very beginning) could have a completely different filming style than scene #2 (which you filmed at the very end), and so on. You wouldn't want that.

I had something like that happen to me, where I discovered reshade mid-filming an episode, so the scenes I filmed at the beginning of the episode didnt have it, and then the scenes I filmed at the end did it. It made the epsiode look incosistent, which is something I don't really care about (and neither do my viewers, really), but you might so letting you know as a heads up! Some of these tips do compromise the "professionalism" of the episodes, but it's how i manage to film and pop out episodes with (relative) quickness :').

Thats why for many reasons, including should you want to film by set instead of chronologically, I suggest you find your style before filming an episode or starting a series all together. This can be done through creating small machinimas, filming tests, music videos, etc. Take it from someone who can't even handle sitting through the first 8 episodes of my own series because of how much my style back then. The way it drastically changed from one episode to another irks me so much! 😅

3) And this is my most controversial one, LOL, but I always build sets + new neighborhoods from scratch with every episode. As I mentioned above, I change neighborhoods with every episode because, in my experience, neighborhoods get corrupt with time so starting with a fresh neighborhood every episode helps avoid crashing. Previously, neighborhoods would get so corrupt, they'd stop loading at all mid-filming an episode, so im forced to interrupt my filming streak and build the sets and characters all together which absolutely wrecks any motivation I have to film afterwards. Once, this happened mid-filming a scene and so I had to rebuild, and let me tell you: Theres a difference between sets looking a bit different because I had to rebuild between episodes, and sets looking different within the same scene. At least when you rebuild the set with every new episode, you can blame minor changes on the fact that time passed from one episode to the other.

Also: I make sure to build all the sets I need for the episode before I start filming, because I dont want anything to interrupt my filming once I start it. If Im forced to build when I'm motivated to film, I end up losing that motivation in the time I spend building, if that makes sense. As u probably already know as a machinima maker, we do the work that is usually required of a team (writer, director, editor, and also stylist and set designers), so I like to do things one at a time so I can have a clear understanding of my schedule and timetable. So, I dedicate 2 days to style all the sims, a week or so to build all the sets, usually months to film the episode, then another week to edit and audio edit. I try my best not to have all of those parts overlapping, otherwise it gets too overwhelming.

The reason I rebuild from scratch, as opposed to just extracting the lot and installing it in a new neighborhood is because, again, I prefer a fresh start and have found that lots are less likely to get corrupt if they're "new". A lot of people think im crazy for it LOL, or that it's a colossal waste of time, and maybe it is! But it's the process that works best for me, and I end up filming really fast with much less crashing and hiccups because of it!

Hope that helps!!! :') Let me know if you have any other questions about my filming process or any other tips 💖💖💖 I'd love to help!

[laal-ishq-diaries]

black and white || satoru gojo

january 1, 2021

synopsis: in which strange feelings arise as the man you despise brings a date to your hangout spot and you do the very mature thing: serenade him. 1.5k words.

writer’s note: i've only watched like 6 episodes of jjk so i don't even know if my characterization of anyone is on point but i'm obsessed with this idea. the song that inspired this fic was “black and white” by nasty c and ari lennox (which i do not own). enjoy and pls leave some feedback. btw happy new year!!

warnings: allusions to sex. nothing strong but proceed with caution. swearing. alcohol usage. pettiness. 

you fucking hate him. you hate his stupid face and his stupid arrogance. who the fuck does satoru gojo think he is? people think your hatred of him is misplaced because he’s apparently “nice” and “civil” to you but it’s all for show! he is so rude and patronizing and petty. like tonight. when he brought a date to unofficial weekly drinks with colleagues. 

“well, why are you so mad he brought a date?” muses shoko, tapping her fingers on your shared wooden table.

“i’m not mad he brought a date, i’m mad that he’s flaunting her around,” you clarify, arms flailing and gesticulating wildly.

“flaunting? god, he hasn’t even introduced her to us.” “yet,” you seeth.

“well are you going to say anything to him?”

you shoot her an affronted look. “no. why would i?” shoko rolls her eyes and lets out a sigh. “you’re clueless,” she mutters. “excuse m—” “oh look, they're coming.” fuck.

through the dim, yet warm, lights of the bar, you see gojo walking over, arm in arm, with a relatively pretty woman clad in a short black dress. sandy brown hair, tucked behind her ears, cascade down her back and black heels accentuate her long legs. however, your eyes were drinking in the shaman dressed in a tucked in button-up (with the first few buttons unbuttoned, of course), casual black pants, and tan moccasins. his hair was let down from it’s usual gravity-defying updo and dark, round sunglasses replaced the blindfold.

“hey guys, this is sana,” gojo introduces. the aforementioned woman waves and smiles. you could feel shoko’s eyes on you, screaming be nice so you mutter out a greeting and introduction before she, begrudgingly, takes over socializing. 

you silently nurse your drink as your glare resumes. gojo, noting your expression, raises an eyebrow and questions, “what’s that look for?” 

taking a sip of your drink, you shoot back a fake smile and a “nothing. just wondering how your atrocious personality ensnared her.”

he lightly laughs and responds, “you know, lots of women find me attractive.” 

you lean in and whisper into his ear, “physical attractiveness doesn’t cancel out skyscraper levels of entitlement.”

“no, it just gets me a hot date. you wouldn’t be jealous, would you [nickname]?” gojo asks in mock concern. his index finger traverses your cheek before you knock his hand away and sneer, “go fuck yourself.” he exclaims, “don’t need to!” and then grabs sana’s hand and bids farewell to shoko.

“now that,” you point to their retreating bodies, “was flaunting.”  

“you’re paranoid,” she drawls.

“no, i’m fucking not,” you shoot back. “and frankly, i am offended you would think that!” 

“you’re always offended, [name]. especially when it comes to satoru.” you open your mouth to defend yourself but she raises an index finger to your lips and continues, “we’re here to relax. get another drink and watch the performance in peace.” shoko gestures to the stage where the same (surprisingly talented) guy has been singing for the past fifteen minutes, courtesy of the bar’s “Karaoke Night” every Friday. caught up with your inner thoughts, you failed to notice that she was still scolding you.

“… and i’d probably respect you more if you actually did something to prove your point rather than dish out petty insults.” silence dawns upon you two as shoko challenges you. that is, until widespread applause interrupts your interaction and reveals that the karaoke guy (named aki, apparently) finished performing another song. a surge of courage overcomes you, and you abruptly stand up and slam your hands onto the wooden table. “fine, you want me to do something?” shoko makes a noise of confirmation. “watch.”

you lose the leather jacket to reveal a sleeveless, flowy burgundy top and lace up your combat boots before marching towards the stage. truth be told, you didn’t know why you wanted to do this. and you didn’t know what you had to prove. but the whiskey in your blood and the uneasy feeling bubbling in your stomach whenever you saw gojo with his arms around his date pushes you onto the stage.

from across the bar, gojo sees you whisper something into aki’s ear before he announces, “alright, [name] will be joining me for the next song, which is”—he pauses as you whisper something else into his ear—“a surprise!” the applause and cheers drown out sana’s inquiries towards gojo of whether you were a good singer. not that he’d be able to respond, anyways, considering that his brain was swarmed with thoughts of why you were singing in the first place and how fucking hot you look.

up on the stage, aki asks, “is this your first time singing here.” “yeah,” you breathe out. “are you nervous?” one glance back to gojo, and then to shoko who gave whatever she could muster into an encouraging smile, you mutter “i need a drink after this.”

the music starts and your partner sings:

“… let me in your temple

show me what you into

it could be so simple

black and white, yeah …”

your right foot taps in tune with the beat against the floor in front of the microphone as you patiently awaited the female part. you mentally prep for both singing in front of everyone while being half-drunk and how ruined everything would be if this made things awkward with gojo. while the two of you may be at each other’s throats, at least it was smooth dynamic. if he found this uncomfortable, there goes your personal and professional life.

before you can contemplate running out of the bar, ari lennox’s part begins and you sing the chorus, along with aki. you mentally thank the bar patrons who lightly cheered, as if they could sense your apprehension. your solo verse soon begins and you look to aki for a boost of confidence before belting out:

“so call me, baby

'cause you be putting it down on me”

the adrenaline pumping through your veins emboldens you to make direct eye contact with gojo and run your left hand through your hair seductively while continuing with:

“in my bed, on your stairs

when we loving you know we don't care”

across the room, gojo’s eyebrows shoot up; he wasn’t expecting your lyrics to be directed to him. for all the resentment you throw in his direction, he assumed you despised him. a small part of him gathered that you possibly might have feelings for him but he thought they were repressed, at best. seeing you up on stage declaring that, at the very least, you lust for him makes gojo want to take you, right then and there.

on your side, there’s an inkling of doubt that you went too far, until you see him lick his lips and smirk. your expression mirrors his for a moment until you increase the seduction.

“all mine, like wine

say ain't no bitch that got your heart pumpin' like i

fall in love deeply when i look in your eye

fantasy the way you carry me, mariah …”

whistles and cheers from the audience nearly drown out the last line. confidence oozes out of your stage presence and want for gojo oozes out of your every pore, a want that is reciprocal. you see sana go red in the face (most likely because her own date is eye-fucking you). a small part of you feels awful for her but an even larger part feels victorious because, fuck, despite never getting along with him, the two of you have an unbreakable connection. the thought of another woman getting the time and attention he devotes to this connection, to you, drives you insane. god, it makes you want to rip that button-up off and stake your claim all over him.    

the rest of your performance continues with relative ease. once finished, you and aki say your goodbyes and compliments to each other (with him insisting that you have to sing with him again and you responding with a “some other time”) as you depart back to your table. locking eyes with shoko, you receive a look of approval and a nod towards the direction of a certain jujutsu sorcerer approaching you.

“nice singing,” gojo calls out.  

taking a moment to recover from your adrenaline rush, you exhale a simple “thanks.”

“although,” he drawls, “you didn’t need to get up on stage and sing it. you could've just told me that you wanted me.”

“i don't know what you’re talking about,” you say, feigning ignorance.

“oh really?” his fingers gently take hold of your chin and, in spite of his sunglasses, you know that his eyes are staring at your lips. “because i could make it worth your time”

“where’s your date?”

“she left. something about other women who are in love with me being ‘rude’ and ‘offensive.’”

“good,” you whisper, standing on your toes, “because you’re all mine.”

“am i?”—he leans down so your lips now hover over each other’s.

“want me to prove it?”

“let’s get out of here.”

[rainhalydia]

I wasn't in fandom at the time, so I'm curious about how you felt, as a Throbb shipper, about GRRM confirming Robb didn't love Theon as much as he loved Jon? And how did Throbb shippers in general feel about it?

Well, I can’t say how Throbb shippers in general felt. Not that happy, I’d guess? I can tell how I felt and still feel about it, though I didn’t see that interview until long after the fact so I didn’t catch any drama anyway. To sum it up: I don’t care.

A much longer, rambling word-vomit under the cut:

I think I summed up my feelings very exactly, but I kept thinking a lot about this ask and having lots of opinions, so here we go. I’ll preface this long-ass rant by saying I have no professional training in literary analysis. I just read a lot, overthink everything and had two classes in college about literature.

First of all, this tendency to give great weight - i.e., to care at all - about what writers have to say about their own work is completely foreign to me. I mean it literally - the main framework of literary analysis I’ve encountered throughtout my education was basically centered around the text, and I very much adopt it without even giving it conscious thought. I don’t seek out interviews, addendums, essays, anything at all. Sometimes I read it if they fall on my lap. Such was the case with this interview.

It’s not that writers don’t have things to say, or that those things are not interesting or valuable or sometimes shed a new light on their work. It’s that at the end of the day they’re not important! Only canon is canon. I don’t mean to sound snob or pedantic, like the books are law or something. And any canon has a number of valid interpretations (within limits), they’re not absolute, they allow some wiggle room. But any text needs by definition to stand on its own without writers poking their heads inside the room to say how we should interpret it. If we need imput from the writers to do it, then the text is already bad, it failed, sorry. Interpretation is the reader’s job. In fact, it’s the reader’s prerrogative.

Much of this hipe around authors, I believe, has to do with the rise of social media and how close to the public writers suddenly were. And I feel that applies especially for authors like Martin, who are very talented and have created a very rich world that has become really popular. And ASOIAF is still ongoing. It’s natural that everyone wants to pick at his brain and know where the story is going!

And here I make my second very unpopular point: authors are not specialists in their own work.

He knows more than anyone about it, certainly, and currently Martin is probably the only person who knows how things will end (though we have plenty of bare bones the show left), but he is, as he has admited himself, a gardener. The story was bound to get away from him, given his own writting style. The group of people who will be specialists on his work don’t include him, and they don’t even exist yet. They will only emerge when he’s stopped writing (so probably after his death) and his work has ended (if it was finished or not). Then people can read every single thing he has ever written, which is much more than ASOIAF, and analyse it to death, pick it apart from every single angle, the ones Martin intended to be there and the ones he didn’t.

Again, I don’t mean to come across as snobbish and say Martin does not know his own work, characters, creation, etc. He does! But no writer can leave all their biases behind when they start writing, so these books are not neutral to begin with. Add to it the lots and lots of variables readers will bring when they interpret the text, and any book is always going to be more than the author intends by default.

If my argument seems absurd, let me point out that it has already happened to a certain degree: my own interpretation from reading ASOIAF is that it is full of anti-war, anti-violence messages, and yet from it has sprung an adaptation that, in my own interpretation, glorifies war and violence to a ridiculous degree. I’m not alone in these opinions, btw. They’re pretty common in fandom spaces, so I’m sure I didn’t pull them out of thin air. We can argue until we’re blue in the face that the Ds can’t read anything for shit, they certainly don’t do themselves any favors, but you know, they interpreted the books well enough to correctly guess who was Jon’s mother and get permission to adapt it in the first place. I’ve since seen people (I’m not naming names, anyone still reading will just have to take my word for it, but I swear they do exist) defend that the show is a faithful adaptation of the books and that the glorification of war was there too, and others say that the show didn’t actually glorify war, it had an anti-war message! Who is wrong? Well, I don’t know. As I said, the GRRM’s specialists are yet to come, and I’m certainly not one of them. What I believe, however, is that all of us brought our own biases to the same text, interpreted it according to them, and came to different, often conflicting conclusions.

See also what GRRM said about the partnership between Jaehaerys and Alysanne and what most people made of their relationship from Fire and Blood. See the sept sex/rape scene controversy. See the Dany/Drogo controversy.

Do you get why I put little weight in Martin’s interviews to form my opinion? So given that and my own background, I’ll chose my own interpretation of the text rather than Martin’s apocrypha.

What does the book canon, and the book canon alone, say about Robb’s feelings for Theon? Well, unless new material is released, we’ll just never know for sure, because Robb isn’t a pov character. We do have Theon’s side of things - he has a certain affection for Robb, he’s more of a brother than his own brothers, he wishes he had died with him or at least that he had been there at the moment of Robb’s death, depending on how sincere he feels like being. We also know a little bit of what other characters thought of their relationship. Bran says Robb admired Theon and enjoyed his company, and it’s implied that he finds this baffling. He’s also jealous that Robb spends more time with Theon and other adults doing adult things than with his brothers. And though I’ve talked at lenght about interpretation and wiggle room to understand things, it’s also pretty evident that Robb is down to hear Theon talk about his sexual conquests in some detail as long as his brothers aren’t around.

Of course, Bran is a child and much as he loves Robb, their time together is cut short and Robb is not his main concern anyway. We get most material about Robb and Theon’s relationship from Cat’s pov. There’s a lot we can analyse and Damien had already done a great not-meta about it, but sadly he’s since deleted, thank you to the demons who got on his case, but for me the most damning piece of evidence that Robb feels very strongly for Theon is this:

“Robb will avenge his brothers. Ice can kill as dead as fire. Ice was Ned’s greatsword. Valyrian steel, marked with the ripples of a thousand foldings, so sharp I feared to touch it. Robb’s blade is dull as a cudgel compared to Ice. It will not be easy for him to get Theon’s head off, I fear. The Starks do not use headsmen. Ned always said that the man who passes the sentence should swing the blade, though he never took any joy in the duty.”

So to unpack what is going on: nearly drowing in grief, Cat rambles to Brienne about lots of things, including Theon’s impending death sentence. By Northern dumb tradition, Robb must be the one to behead Theon, his former best friend turned enemy, turned betrayer, turned brother-killer. And she says that it won’t be easy for him to do it.

Now, it can be argued that this is partly because of the sword. They’ve lost their sharp valyrian steel and Robb uses an inferior blade, not as sharp. I reject this interpretation as the only explanation (and here comes my own biases) because she mentions the headsman right after. A headsman might be more experienced, but it’s not like he’d have valyrian steel to do it either. Rather, I think she’s talking about how being able to pass Theon off to be killed by a headsman would be easier on Robb psychologically, but it’s not really an option, so Robb will have to suffer.

At this point, to Robb’s knowledge, Theon has: 1) betrayed his trust and used the ruse of negociations with Balon to escape; 2) attacked the northern shore and enslaved his people; 3) attacked and took control of his home; 4) made his brothers hostages; 5) killed his brothers; 6) denied his brothers the right to be buried in a decent way; and finally, 7) burned their bodies and exposed them for all of the North to see.

And after all this, having to be the one to kill Theon will make him suffer.

We know one of the moments Robb gets the angriest in the books is when Bran is threatened by the wildlings. He is the acting Lord and keeping his little brothers safe is his responsability. He nearly bites Theon’s head off when Theon saves Bran in a risky way and we know that was uncharacteristic because Theon is still sulking about that a whole year later. So his siblings are dear to him, but even after Theon does everything from steps 1 to 4, he’s still sure they’re not in danger and that Theon won’t do anything to them. That’s how much he trusts Theon. It takes literal murder to make him change his mind.

But then he does change his mind. He believes Theon did those awful, awful things to his brothers. After that knowledge has had time to settle in, after he believes the worst of Theon, he has this amazing convo with Cat that I’ll quote whole because it’s amazing:

“Enough.” For just an instant Robb sounded more like Brandon than his father. “No man calls my lady of Winterfell a traitor in my hearing, Lord Rickard.” When he turned to Catelyn, his voice softened. “If I could wish the Kingslayer back in chains I would. You freed him without my knowledge or consent … but what you did, I know you did for love. For Arya and Sansa, and out of grief for Bran and Rickon. Love’s not always wise, I’ve learned. It can lead us to great folly, but we follow our hearts … wherever they take us. Don’t we, Mother?”

Is that what I did? “If my heart led me into folly, I would gladly make whatever amends I can to Lord Karstark and yourself.”

Lord Rickard’s face was implacable. “Will your amends warm Torrhen and Eddard in the cold graves where the Kingslayer laid them?” He shouldered between the Greatjon and Maege Mormont and left the hall.

Robb made no move to detain him. “Forgive him, Mother.”

“If you will forgive me.”

“I have. I know what it is to love so greatly you can think of nothing else.”

Catelyn bowed her head. “Thank you.” I have not lost this child, at least.

So we know that what is going on here is that Robb is buttering Cat up before breaking the news of his marriage to Jeyne to her. One of the possible interpretations supported by the text is that Jeyne is in love with Robb and Robb is not in love with her. It’s a common reading that he married her out of honor and to avoid a possible Jon Snow situation. During their marriage, he seems to grow fond of her - Cat notices he likes her company better, and her brother’s, and that he laughs when he is with the Westerlings - but he also keeps some distance. She’s afraid of Grey Wind, which pretty much means being afraid of a part of him. In turn, he’s attentive, courteous, and a bit touched and annoyed at her public displays of affection.

Then there is this gem:

“His heir failed him.” Robb ran a hand over the rough weathered stone. “I had hoped to leave Jeyne with child … we tried often enough, but I’m not certain…”

And this is more Damien’s not-meta than my own, but once you see it, you can’t ever unsee it. Compare the bolded parts in that quote in the first Cat-Robb convo to the part bolded in the second one, put them side to side and tell me you can’t see the difference. In the first one, Robb basically spells it out that he’s made a mistake out of love, that love turned him into a fool, but it was stronger than him. At that point of the narrative, Robb’s biggest mistake (and notably it was HIS mistale, it was not a case of the narrative screwing him over) was to free Theon. A mistake that caused him to lose his brothers, castle and a significant chunk of political standing. The consequences of marrying Jeyne, which is pretty much only to lose the Freys, don’t even compare - especially because the Stark faction believes they can win their support back.

And this love that made him act like a fool is further described in the second bolded part of that quote. He loved so greatly that he could think of nothing else. That is some passion there, folks. Even considering that he’s trying to get Cat on his side, it strikes me as so sincere and heartfelt. And again, maybe it’s my own biases showing, but that sounds like an all-consuming love, the kind of love that doesn’t go away easily. I don’t see that same depth of emotion on the second bolded quote… they tried often enough. Does it add up with the first part? I don’t think so.

My conclusion, and forgive me if the shipper gogles come in, is that the love that hurt him, that consumed him, is the love he had for Theon. Not for his wife. But it was in the past, one might say. His marriage was just beginning, he and Jeyne grow closer, etc. I’ll quote two more bits:

“I cannot speak to that. There is much confusion in any war. Many false reports. All I can tell you is that my nephews claim it was this bastard son of Bolton’s who saved the women of Winterfell, and the little ones. They are safe at the Dreadfort now, all those who remain.”

“Theon,” Robb said suddenly. “What happened to Theon Greyjoy? Was he slain?”

Here we are nearing the Red Wedding. Some Freys come to pretend to make peace and pressure for a wedding to Edmure and they bring news of the battle of Winterfell. Professional writers don’t often abuse the “suddenly” like us poor fic writers, so when he says it was sudden, i believe it was sudden. I believe it came out of nowhere, in fact, and that Robb was the only one in that room considering Theon’s fate.

Roose Bolton removed a ragged strip of leather from the pouch at his belt. “My son sent this with his letter.”

Ser Wendel turned his fat face away. Robin Flint and Smalljon Umber exchanged a look, and the Greatjon snorted like a bull. “Is that … skin?” said Robb.

“The skin from the little finger of Theon Greyjoy’s left hand. My son is cruel, I confess it. And yet … what is a little skin, against the lives of two young princes? You were their mother, my lady. May I offer you this … small token of revenge?“ 

Part of Catelyn wanted to clutch the grisly trophy to her heart, but she made herself resist. “Put it away. Please.”

“Flaying Theon will not bring my brothers back,” Robb said. “I want his head, not his skin.”

Aside from Catelyn, who is torn, and maybe the Greatjon (I don’t know what snorting like a bull is supposed to convey), no one in that room approves of torturing Theon, they’re all rightly creeped out. But no one would blink an eye if Robb had ordered Theon flayed alive. Instead, he commands the torture to stop. Of course it’s the only decent thing to do, but let’s all appreciate how the character who is always arguing for peace, end of conflict and letting things go for the sake of the living and what can still be saved instead of more violence, is tempted by it. Robb is the only one who shares the full extent of Cat’s grief here, but he’s also the only one to try and stop the senseless punishment.

I joke all the time about how Throbb is canon, and it’s mostly jokes. They are not canon in the sense that Cat and Ned are canon, and I don’t think we’ll have any more facts added to their story together, there probably won’t be any flashbacks that hint at a romantic relationship between them. But looking at the text alone, what we have of it as of now, it’s possible to support a canonical reading for this ship. This interpretation is there in the text if you want to see it. In fact, some things make more sense if Robb was in love with Theon.

And you know, having a ship be supported by canon is not actually a condition that needs to be met to ship anything. It’s just something I particularly need to get into it. But even if you read Theon and Robb as just friends, it’s a reach to say that Robb didn’t love Theon.

Of course, we have Robb demonstrating affection towards Jon in the books too. He is Robb’s chosen heir, to Cat’s despair. Despite all the negative propaganda bastards get and the fact that the mother he so respected and loved disliked and distrusted Jon, Robb considers him a full brother, to compare to Sansa’s constant “half-brother” from the beginning of her journey. They’re seen having a good time together (they have a horse race in their very first appearance in the books, and Mance recalls them getting into trouble together as children), so they enjoy each other’s company.

Yet there’s also an undercurrent of sibling rivalry between them, seen from Jon’s pov. We have this bit with Benjen:

Benjen gave Jon a careful, measuring look. “You don’t miss much, do you, Jon? We could use a man like you on the Wall.”

Jon swelled with pride. “Robb is a stronger lance than I am, but I’m the better sword, and Hullen says I sit a horse as well as anyone in the castle.”

This is hilarious to me. My uncle paid me a compliment for being perceptive, a skill not at all related to martial skills! Time to compare my martial skills to my brother’s, even though we’re both 14 and there’s lots of more tried warriors in the world and we haven’t even had our last growh spurt! This is sure to impress a seasoned ranger!

Of course we know Jon’s rivalry towards Robb comes from his bastard status, but it’s interesting to me that it’s something that centers around Robb alone; he doesn’t compare himself to Bran or Rickon as far as I remember. That can be explained by their very similar ages and growing up together, I think. Jon has the advantage of being older than his other true born brothers.

Jon also says this:

Bastard children were born from lust and lies, men said; their nature was wanton and treacherous. Once Jon had meant to prove them wrong, to show his lord father that he could be as good and true a son as Robb. I made a botch of that. Robb had become a hero king; if Jon was remembered at all, it would be as a turncloak, an oathbreaker, and a murderer. He was glad that Lord Eddard was not alive to see his shame.

To Jon - and to the other Stark children - Robb is often the model to be emmulated. I won’t dig up all the times they hold him up as the ideal of bravery. Jon’s feelings are not unique in this sense, though they are when it comes to the rivalry. They all admire Robb. From Robb’s side, I don’t remember hints of him admiring Jon or any of his siblings. He certainly loves them, likes them, and enjoys spending time with Jon at the very least.

But Theon is the one Robb admires in text. Bran says it, and Theon too:

“There is nothing small about the letter I bear,” Theon said, “and the offer he makes is one I suggested to him.”

“This wolf king heeds your counsel, does he?” The notion seemed to amuse Lord Balon.

“He heeds me, yes. I’ve hunted with him, trained with him, shared meat and mead with him, warred at his side. I have earned his trust. He looks on me as an older brother, he—”

Readers often dismiss this as Theon’s garden variety empty bragging. To be fair, Theon very much distorts reality in his head to fit his own idea of how things should be, but this is one of the few times when he’s not doing that. He’s genuinely proud that Robb thinks so well of him. And since he’s so sensitive about what people think of him and people not giving him the credit he thinks he deserves, I’m ready to believe his account of facts this one time.

What I get from canon, regarding who Robb loves the most out of Jon and Theon, is that he loves them differently. He might even love Jon more by ASOS; it’s a wonder that we have hints that he still cares about Theon at all by the end, after the murders of who we know are the miller boys, but who Robb thinks are Bran and Rickon.

He had different relationships with them. Even if you reject the reading of Throbb as romantic, friends and siblings are not interchangable, even if you’re out there calling close friends brothers or if your brother is your best friend. It’s different sorts of affection. At the beginning of the series, Robb and Theon seemed closer to me than Robb and Jon - let’s not forget that Jon’s favorite is Arya, and the biggest family drama at that time has to do with Jon and Cat. They grow even closer as they go to war together, and then they’re pushed apart by circumstances and by Theon’s actions.

But okay, this is not long enough yet, so let’s say that this is an invalid framework of analysis and Martin’s word of god has as much weight as canon, and that in fact, we’re 100% certain that Robb loved Jon more than Theon.

Why does it even need to be a competition? No one holds it against Ygritte that Jon loves Arya more. Asha has a steady boyfriend that she’d gladly marry, and still she takes risk after risk for Theon. Ned was probably the greatest love of Cat’s life, but her interactions with her brother and uncle are still emotional and moving in great part because of the depth of her love for them.

Robb loving Jon more doesn’t take anything away from Theon. He doesn’t love Theon less because he loves Jon more, love is not a finite resource. And Robb loved Theon plenty, be it in a familial, friends or romantic way. If it diminished, that was a result of Theon’s choices alone.

[captainwhogotthecanary]

ClexaCon: Day 2

Same deal as day 1: this is probably too long and detailed, and if you want the facts, you can probably get them from the official videos. This is more about my reactions and vibes and the like.

I dressed as Wonder Woman this day. It’s my only store bought costume, but I look great in it, and I finished off the look with tall (not not heeled!) boots and rainbow socks and brighter makeup than I usually wear. I looked good enough that the barista when I grabbed coffee asked for my employee discount; she assumed I was a performer at the hotel. I got great comments all day, a little overwhelmingly so, but it felt pretty awesome until I left the convention. CW for brief mention of assholes at the end of this post.

Nyssara

I met some cool people in line waiting for the “doors” to open for the standard attendees. We ended up sitting together while my Friday friends sat behind, since we had trouble finding six seats together, not too surprisingly.

I needed the intro video because as I’ve mentioned, I like my faves to be happy, and while I never ever doubted Sara loves Nyssa and vice versa, they didn’t exactly get happy times together on screen, and I wasn’t yet into Arrowverse fic when they were on screen. It was a good video. They’re both great actresses and can seriously crank up the intensity when the scene requires it. Any Nyssara fic recs are appreciated, btw.

The panel was good. It was fun, different kind of energy, something like nostalgic and speculative and silly. And Jes came through! Again, there are videos and gifs, so go do yourself a favor and look if you haven’t.

Of note to people following my blog, when asked her favorite one night stand of Sara’s, Caity’s first thought was of Snart, though she said she couldn’t count him since they hadn’t slept together. I think that’s just so awesome that the characters had that connection, and the actors according to what I’ve read, that even after years have passed, there’s still some sort of nostalgia or whatever because they were genuinely close. The actors and characters in different ways, but still.

More is More: Polyamory in Media

I’ve got some ot3s (ahem, Rogue Canary), but as far as real life, I don’t know much about polyamory. It’s something I’ve long thought works with the RIGHT people and the RIGHT communication, which makes it rare and challenging, and it has to be so hard for some people, like some of the ones in the panel who explained that being poly is, for them, the same as their sexuality; it’s a need, a wiring, not a choice or a lifestyle. It’s rare (or rarely talked about/seen) and so there’s not a big demand for more of it in media, but then the lack of representation means fewer people know it can be a healthy option, so it becomes a cycle, like so many things.

Most of the panel ended up the panelists sharing what it means and what it means to them to be poly or practice a poly lifestyle. There’s a big no-no/disparaging negative in the community regarding “unicorn hunters,” which I’d like to have someone properly explain to me but google says it’s usually couples looking for a third person who fits their needs without considering the needs of that third. It’s objectifying and not setting up for a healthy relationship and I get why that angle is negative, but I’m not sure why multiple people in that panel and then in a later panel seemed to use it to apply to anyone looking for the trio presentation rather than the open relationship presentation. Not complaint so much as genuine confusion there. So anyway, there wasn’t much discussion of the trio+ aspect I was most interested in, because I’m not planning to write or practice a relationship where the people in it date other people but I adore stable (usually potential) trios in media.

I still enjoyed it very much and learned a lot in the “I didn’t know I didn’t know this” category. My favorite part (though it also made me sad) was how excited and relieved the panel was about being in a room where they could discuss all this without judgement.

Bi+ Representation in Media

I adored all the panelists here. I didn’t learn much; the basic gist was “there’s not enough representation.” Still, it was cool listening to and watching a bunch of bi+ folks talk about their faves and what they’d like to see. I bought a book by one of the panelists and will do a rec post later if it’s any good, ya and lgbt and superheroes. I’m excited.

Romance Between the (Book) Covers

Sigh.

Okay, so…

I don’t think of myself as an amazing or particularly experienced professional writer, but I do feel like I could contribute more than a lot of the writing panelists, and I found that very frustrating. It wasn’t that they were all lacking experience or talent, to be clear, but it was that for most of them, their experiences or input were almost entirely unhelpful for new or aspiring novelists.

For example, there was a writer whose story was, “I’d never written anything before in my life but I decided to write a book and they published it so that was cool.” Another said she’s unique because she writes in first person, which she does because “it’s a lot easier to tell instead of show. And I know they say you’re not supposed to do that, but I think it works.”

I get that the expectations are different in the smaller market that is LGBTQ+ romance, but…

I don’t know. I feel like standards are important. That’s why I all but stopped writing while I’m struggling with words and with tying things together; I don’t care whether it’s original fiction or fanfiction, free or paid, I have standards for my work.

I also had my feathers ruffled slightly when the moderator asked the panelists, “Did you write heterosexual relationships to start out in order to get a foot in the door or earn money?” with a clear implication that there was no reason to write a m/f relationship other than for mainstream success. The one bisexual panelist low-key called her out but I don’t think she noticed, with an, “I’m bisexual so writing a male/female relationship is a perfectly valid choice for me.”

For one, yeah, there was a bisexual panelist and there was a huge bi population amongst the attendees, so that wording could have been more sensitive, and for two, I know plenty straight people who like to write m/m or f/f romance, so why wouldn’t that be a valid choice in reverse, for something other than a cash grab?

Personally, I mostly write m/f relationships because I started writing while still closeted, because that’s where my actual experience is, and because my go-to is still to write canon or canon-adjacent pairings and tv still likes to fuck up most of the few canon lgbt ones. That doesn’t make me less valid as a writer who is lgbt.

Mazikeen: The Devil in the Details

This was enjoyable. The actress says Maze is her spirit animal, which is awesome. I was pretty frazzled and distracted (people were saving me seats even though I SAID I’d be late and it was equally appreciated and discomfiting) and also trying to liveblog the panel to a friend, so I didn’t get as much emotional impact from this as the rest. It sounds like we probably get to see Maze with a real relationship this next season, so that’s exciting. It seems like a decent next step for her after the growth over the last seasons. I’m also suuuuper excited she and Trixie will be okay; they have one of my favorite relationship of the whole show.

Amber Benson: Tara Maclay and the Legacy of Buffy

Teeeeearrrrsss. Do me a favor; if you watch the video for this one, watch the behind the scenes one first. The intro video they played left very few dry eyes, and then Amber came out all teary and emotional.

The singalong was a lot of fun, despite “Under Your Spell” being notes most humans can’t hit.

There was one answer she handled with some unfortunate wording, but it was so clear she meant well and she’s such an icon, so she didn’t get boo’d like I was almost afraid of. There wasn’t much applause, but then we moved on. She was the only panel I went to that earned a standing ovation. I cried a lotttttttt.

And then I left the con to go change before having dinner with Friday friend. And people were gross and staring in creepy ways and there were homophobic comments made “accidentally” too loud and just bleh. It was a small thing in an otherwise fantastic weekend, but it made me feel like I needed to take a shower.

[victor-v]

so yesterday i finished all for the game for the second time in my life (weird thing i've never read a book or series twice) and it wrecked me for the second time. it was unexpectedly nice that i actually understood everything with so much clarity, but that makes sense i've got lot of practice in reading english since then. also, i wrote my thoughts on the book this time.

i can't understand how a book can have such an impact on me, i hate that and i love it, everything else that crossed my mind is under the cut

★huh andrew really bullied aaron into dressing identical to mess up with neil

★"i don't swing either way" is the phrase that made me feel more valid that the whole queer community ever

★neil is pure nihilism

★how can i EVER forget neil wore a tight long sleeved TORN tshirt that andrew bought this is way too much

★seth is dead and all kevin can think about is the line up tbh i do that often

★they are making a scandal about how they sit

★kevin telling neil "destroy him" filled me with power

★the most unreal part is neil ALWAYS keeping his roots another colour the guy must dye his hair every fucking week

★how did neil buy andrew's promise to protect him from the japanese mafia's professional murderers when the only people he physically bullies is an obsessive young adult with anxiety, a princess in high heels and his sunshine sister in law

★wait a fucking minute andrew saw neil filled with terror while holding the phone and immediately gave him the car keys so he could be alone fuck

★nicky fucking hemmick attended to improv class

★ according to dan few athletes were crude enough to start trouble at an ERC event, you mean as crude as neil?

★how to take care of your teammate while he's in a crisis according to: andrew→show concern and reassure him. wymack���10 seconds of vodka

★"hey, jean. jean valjean" is peak comedy

★the ravens walking in v formation is genuinely the most cringy thing you can think of

★neil first finds out the only possible person to date him is andrew because he was jealous of renee are you kidding me

★andrew only missed 13 from 150 shots on goal for fucking real what a Man

★renee is an angel, she's specifically andrew's angel

★neil truly is a watcher

★bee wearing a bee costume is the only good thing on this world

★dan and matt dressed like greek gods!!!!! they can adopt me already

★can you believe nicky is the one who got into neil's brain and planted the idea of realying on someone, and since then neil actively pursues an investigation on andrew's relationship status how on god's name i missed that HOW he's not even subtle about it damn

★he first worries about renee now about kevin goddamn it josten how can't you se how much you care about him

★it's funny how sexuality is such a heavy topic between them when they sure as fuck have some pretty huge stuff going on you know like dying in the hands of the mafia or being tortured

★i imagine andrew running to renee all bonkers like "listen if the cute guy asks, for fucks sake tell him i'm gay but make it ~casual~ maybe this way he'll get it"

★the sole mention of thanksgiving dinner makes me want to die

★kevin is checking the scores in a newspaper I forget this book is so 00's

★they should have spent the day eating turkey and frozen pie at abby's fuckkkkkkkk

★are you kidding me they are in the middle of a conversation and andrew casually chokes neil a little but it's ok they carry on wtf

★"we are all going to regret this" is the fucking worse piece of foreshadowing in this book

★neil interrogating andrew the same night he was raped what kind of fucking piece of shit does that

★i can't fucking believe neil went ahead and shoved andrew's hand under his tshirt in front of kevin, wymack, betsy and two fucking lawyers are you kidding me

★neil asking "are we? friends?" to nicky is so relatable because i also would have an aneurysm if someone told me i am their friend

★someone else tries to flirt with him and he immediately considers andrew how i was too ace to see it the first time i read

★jesus fucking christ riko is one truly fucked up sociopath and neil is the bravest motherfucker on the land

★how can he face riko like that in the nest and be extremely pure in other occasion

★"are we watching the ball drop? i want to make a wish" he wants to make a wish and i want to die thanks

★i can't believe the whole if it means losing you then no and side effect of the drugs shit it's unreal fucking unreal how oblivious neil is too ace to realize anything SOMEONE JUST CALLED YOU "DREAM" THE LEVEL OF ROMANTICISM

★the amount of heavy staring in this trilogy is ridiculous and all i can think about is twilight

★these books made me see how far from the 00s we are, for many reasons, but mostly for some jokes that can't let slide; like calling neil a battered wife, domestic misogynistic violence is not a joke

★i can't believe from all people, wymack was the first one to get andrew was into neil

★"that doesn't mean I wouldn't blow you" is such a funny phrase to be said casually why is it

★"you are a racoon, not a fox" oh andrew

★it only took andrew admitting he had a crush for neil to be all sentimental and shit, and that disarmed andrew too

★they are like some kind of animal that while you think they are fighting, they are actually mating, that's exactly what nora meant with feral

★half of last book is neil mooning over andrew jfc

★nicky made neil smile while distracting him from riko im gonna throw myself off a cliff

★i can't quite believe neil goes through a detailed monologue about andrews memory the man is impressed and borderline turned on about every talent on his crushe's shelf

★i literally can't follow and will never understand the quarrel/promise/agreement between aaron and andrew what a bunch of pretentious idiots

★every time neil's phone buzzes all i fear is the fucking countdown

★i thought "i want to see you lose control" was a collective fever dream i can't believe it's written on the books

★if i was nicky i already have told andrew to stop his freaky pretentious shit towards me

★neil to the upperclassman: ha ha fellas is it gay to unthinkingly call andrew in the middle of a anxiety breakdown

★"you gave me a key and called it home" is as soft as heartbreaking i want to jump off a cliff

★"i won't be like them, i wont let you let me be" is actually pushing me off that cliff andrews feelings are a fucking storm

★neil was kidnapped and tortured the day of my bday and that's not a coincidence

★neil's talent to twist the truth in order to convince andrew of anything is outstanding

★excuse me they have no right to be this soft i hate them

★they miss so many opportunities to be funny about the whole "protection" thing

★did he really had a mental breakdown over where to fucking sit on the bus lmao

★"don't come crying to me when someone breaks your face" is the second most awful piece of foreshadowing

★lets be honest for a second andrew should be a fucking writer because all those things he says? edgy myspace pretentious poetry

★im sorry but i don't care about literally anything except neil smiling onto andrew's neck bye

★andrew ghosted a kiss across neil's hip im dead for real

★abby kissed neil's forehead farewell after cleaning all his injuries i have no words he's recieving all the affection he deserves

★cant believe you don't see aaron is fucking worried neil is taking advantage of andrew

★i mean yeah ok don't talk love but neil is sad that nicky thinks it was only hate sex, and he immediately acknowledged it meant more than that to him bc his demi btw wtf does hate sex mean i can't believe you hate someone so much you wanna suck his dick

★they all went horseback riding when will i have a group of friends like that

★"who's humanising who in that relationship" i know right nicky

★kevin locking himself to have a panic attack is the most relatable thing

★the car encounter with ichirou holds the same tension as a mr robot scene

★the proposal of playing olympics and being unstoppable feels like marriage or smth

★neil is literally having his hot girl summer

★i adore neil's overflow of emotions after swallowing everything for so many years. represented, thanks.

★andrew terrorising katelyn who the fuck does he think he is what an annoying asshole

★"did you know i've never been skiing" is the most epic line

★i cheer to the sole mention of laila

★alvares can deck me right now and i would say thank you

★"war is profitable" aaron knows what's up

★sometimes i want to slap them is2g

★that scene at eden's where they are all discussing how roland found out and aaron ends up being the only straight one lmao boy it's your punishment for being so homophobic

★the whole "deadliest piece on the board" spech is 100 times better when you consider kevin was wasted and overly exaggerating every word and gesture

★can you imagine those few fans supporting kevin's new tattoo screaming YAAAAASSSSS QUEEEEEEEEEN while snapping fingers i'm cackling

★matt in court body slamming into anyone that's been a problem to the foxes: VIBE CHECK MOTHERFUCKER

★neil kissed andrew in castle fucking evermore the audacity i adore him

[billyloomisstory-blog]

CINEMA 4D R18 Best Review

Enter last year and R13, now C4D is looking a great deal like a high-end, The show biz industry movie 3D package. R13 has a totally brand new Physical Render system pertaining to highly photorealistic renders; Stereoscopic tools and workflows pertaining to S3D 3D; an incredible variety of new personality animation tools; and the ton of Modeling, Computer animation, File I/O and USER INTERFACE improvements. This is the very big update that will takes Cinema 4D in order to a new level.

HIGHER END IS WHAT YOU DECIDE TO DO, NOT WHAT YOU PURCHASE It really is a good interesting time for the particular progress 3D animation software program packages. Names that had been once exclusivly for that higher end market like, Mayand Softimage, have lengthy since been acquired simply by Autodesk and been significantly reduced in price. Whilst the traditionally more spending budget friendly apps like Lightwave 3D and 3D Studio Max (also an Autodesk product) have seen their own toolsets and capabilities develop to challenge the marketplace heavyweights. The idea that will “high end” 3D ability was something you bought with a pile associated with money has really eliminated the way of SGI machines. “High end” is not what you own any longer, it’s what you perform with what you may have. It’s in this particular crowded, competitive marketplace that will a product like Cinema 4D R13 Studio (C4D) has to be examined. C4D has been close to since 1991. The one. 0 was released for that Commodore Amiga - the particular first ’90’s DIY movie platform of choice. C4D’s roots run deep within the anti-big iron motion of desktop jockeys plus one-person shops. C4Ds roots are mirrored closely simply by Newtek’s Lightwave 3D. Given that then, C4D has extended to Windows, MacOS plus Linux (for Studio just, and only by ask for, BTW), while also increasing and keeping pace along with the developments and developments in 3D animation. Such as Lightwave 3D, C4D offers been picked up plus used by VFX homes on big budget The show biz industry effects films - the particular measure by which the product is judged “high end” if you complete by the product reading. This pressure from beneath - rapidly developing multipltform desktop tools combined along with the explosion of inexpensive CPU and GPU energy - has defined many facets of post manufacturing technology the past 2 decades, 3D is simply no exception. The myriad associated with uses (and users) associated with 3D in motion photos and motion graphics possess exploded. This hashappened because in-camera effects and miniatures have retreated to a few very narrow niche within the market. The quantity of people using 3D applications for day-to-day, non-Hollywood work has greatly extended as well. There are usually a lot more individuals shopping around for actually great, easyish-to-use, powerful 3D applications. Further, this program has to be plug and play with the Adobe CS Suite and run upon everyone’s hardware. This offers changed the 3D scenery in a big method. Rather than the divergent markets of “high finish iron” versus “desktop rebels”, it’s all become a single big pie. The application that began on the particular Amiga in 1991 (C4D) now costs 3500 dollars, while the app that will started out on IRIX in 1998 (Maya) furthermore costs 3500 bucks. Each apps are chasing the particular same buyers, and each offer free or teaser versions to win more than market share. With simply no difference in price, purchasers must think about the particular larger equation of Complete Cost of Ownership pertaining to a 3D package. Which usually is my method associated with saying that the price of a 3D application is far more in comparison to sticker price.

THE PARTICULAR AUTO ASSEMBLY LINE VERSUS. THE MAKER-BOT Big spending budget 3D apps were constructed to live and function on a highly-skilled VFX assembly line, they possess a legacy of strong programming/scripting tools, complex computer animation capablities, network rendering plus integration with other higher end pieces of software program. At the same period, the desktop apps had been made for a lot more single license, end consumer market - they got to be friendly sufficient to use and become able to run upon off-the-shelf hardware. The desktop-born apps have had in order to play catch up when it comes to feature set, power plus scalability. The genesis through the high end 3D apps will be the automotive set up line towards the essential contraindications “maker-bot” style DIY roots of products that jogged on the highly prosumer platforms of the earlier 1990’s. C4D lives the particular legacy of an consumer friendly 3D application that will has grown up in order to a full-fledged CGI modeling, animation and rendering suite of tools. Along along with these tools, a lively and active user local community is growing up along with it. THIS IS HEADING TO TAKE TIME 3D deals used to be simply like a religion, a person could really only sign up for one. But the actuality in today’s post conditions, and parity of function sets among packages, indicates most artists are qualified in multiple programs This particular brings me back close to Total Cost associated with Ownership along with other things in order to consider when learning the 3D application. Learning the 3D Application, no issue how easy to use, means dealing with a huge, steep shape. Any package you understand now should be accumulating a base set associated with skills which are transferrable to whatever arrives the next day. Many 3D artists furthermore use multiple 3D deals in the course associated with a project - levelling the relative strengths plus speeds to maximize work flow efficiency. So a 3D app has to function with other 3D applications, while ideally being similiar enough in concept plus execution that skills convert between packages. Call this a compatibility litmus check. This is a check that C4D R13 fulfills. With support for the ton of 3D plus 2D file formats, plus a plug-in SDK that will let’s developers create their own paths into the particular app, C4D R13 is certainly plug-and-play. Bottom line, When you’re going to be considered a working 3D artist, after that you’ll have to understand multiple 3D apps plus workflows. But what when you’re not going ot be a 3D designer, but you still really want to create CGI pertaining to your projects? This is certainly actually the boat that will I am in. We are not a 3D artist. I am the writer/ director of unbiased and commercial projects along with enough knowledge of post-production pipelines to work along with VFX professionals. From period to time, I may use apps like Fake Pro, Google Sketch Upward and Photoshop to pre-visualize sequences and shots. Nevertheless, the final time We personally created CGI has been a decade ago within Lightwave 7 on the G4 tower. I possess been working with computer systems and cameras for the particular last 20 years, which usually makes me allergic in order to reading manuals or guidelines of any kind. We have a brain packed with useless keyboard cutting corners for applications that “end of life’d” years. I am constantly terrified that any kind of new knowledge or ability will suddenly be made obsolete by some additional new knowledge or ability. My aversion to getting to learn anything brand new to do something We want to do upon a computer borders over the pathological. To me, the particular Arri Alexa is the particular perfect camera not since of it’s pretty picture and wide latitude, yet because of it’s easy menus and big chocolate colored buttons. 3D applications have always looked such as the geekiest of geekery in my experience. To be obvious, I have only angry respect and admiration pertaining to the artists who function the 3D, but All of us are not one associated with them. So why was I diving into the full-on serious 3D program like C4D? C4D CAN MAKE ME WANT TO BECOME A BETTER ARTIST

In order to become totally truthful in order to you, I absolutely want in order to know about this things now. I’ve never shaken the knowledge of watching “Monsters” and thinking that it is the last best wish for American Independent movie theater to finally break in order to wider audiences. Every period some broke filmmaker within Brooklyn makes a film about three friends within an apartment talking in order to one another, all associated with indie film gets lambasted as boring exercises within entitled, mumbly navel-gazing. Whenever in reality, broke filmmakers are doing the greatest they can with extremely limited resources and increasing restrictions on where plus exactly how you may shoot. Part of the particular benefit of DSLRs is certainly that a filmmaker may shoot in public and never arouse the suspicion through the populace or attract the ire of the particular authorities. Benefit cost, within money and time, associated with permits, permissions and exclusions is more than sufficient to drive most smashed filmmakers back into their own apartments to see exactly what they can pull away. And yes, mostly it is boring, mumbly and well-trod. Along comes Gareth Edwards, who packs up their EX3 (and Letus adapter) two actors plus a friend. He flies everyone straight down to Southern Mexico, rental prices a cargo van plus sets off to take a no budget, indie road movie. He’s currently one step ahead associated with the game by capturing it outside his residence, but still pretty close to a thousand additional “indie road romances” unspooling every year at celebrations. He shoots his film; enlists nonactors in crucial roles; composes great photos with nice scenery, after that goes home returning to their studio apartment and turns the door for the year.

He comes away and blows everyone’s thoughts by taking his street movie into New world plus a 3D app (3DS Max, not C4D). This individual pulls down some pre-made 3D models off the particular internet, does some modeling and animation on their own. 250 effects photos and a year later on he’s done. All results, animation, compositing and making done on two computer systems in his studio residence. And exactly what can have been a dull, mumbly “road-romance” is abruptly a suspense-filled, dystopic sci-fi rumination on loss, appreciate and survival after unthinkable disaster. No zillion buck effects budget, no number of VFX companies put away of business overnight simply by flat-rate bids - simply indie spirit and delivery of a genre which usually was supposed to become off-limits to broke filmmakers. When I watch the particular feature demo reels associated with what Cinema 4D R13 can do, I was also awestruck and influenced by what I can do on my laptop computer. Armed with an available, affordable piece of 3D software after Effects. MOVEMENT TRACK + 3D COMPUTER ANIMATION TEST 2012 = DIGITAL SLR + QUICK FIX CHECK 2010 Clearly an whole new generation of filmmakers are realizing that merging live action footage along with CGI elements is abruptly, easily, available to all of them. Take a look in “Another Earth” and a person can see what a few inspired filmmakers did along with motion tracking and compositing still images from NASA - a much less technically challenging project that will Edwards’ monsters.

THE UNLIMITED VIRTUAL PROPS DEPARTMENT Whenever i ventured into the particular wilds of 3D computer animation, I found an incredible local community of generous over-sharers. Therefore much has changed given that I made a fifty percent a dozen CGI photos for my short movie. The web is today a warehouse of each beautifully detailed 3D versions and crude, rudimentary angles. Pricing varies from free to the hundreds associated with dollars, as far because I can tell, right now there is absolutely no rhyme or reason about exactly how prices are set. We discovered gorgeous stuff pertaining to free and some fairly janky looking stuff that will cost real dollars. Luckily, there’s C4D cafe plus CGTalk, among a great deal of others. Honestly, We know I’ll need in order to learn to model in some time, but We can build cities, generate cars and fly airplanes all with free or even really cheap models down loaded in seconds. So that will as far as the aversion to reading guides, as it happens We don’t have to. This seems, in my experience, that each 3D artist can furthermore be an eager maker of screen-capture how-to video clips. With no one is certainly more eager compared in order to creators of 3D applications. Maxon has something known as Cineversity, a collection associated with screen-cap the right way to videos upon every aspect of Cinema 4D as well because workflows for modeling, computer animation and VFX. This is certainly a subscription service which usually i got a ninety day pass to make use of. The content is incredibly helpful, but there’s the particular ton of free exercising on YouTube and Vimeo that’s equally as useful. In 3D-land, there is certainly no shortage of exercising available.

My mercenary want to combine live-action video footage with 3D elements through the internet backlot actually allowed me to spend attention to some limit and specific parts associated with C4D R13. I nevertheless don’t know what the NURB is, I’m somewhat hazy on UV heads and I know that will hair is actually cool within 3D, but I’ve however to put it upon anything. I love New world, I have since 1995. And am love items from The Foundry. We beta-tested Camera Tracker, plus I am a faithful user and evangelist associated with just how stupid-easy this is to use. Digital camera Tracker makes match shifting so simple which we don’t really remember the workflows before. So whenever I discovered out that will C4D a new connect to for After Effects that will let me export the camera data, I has been kind of smitten. Plus it’s just that simple - track my video footage, create camera, export in order to Cinema 4D. In C4D, I can open upward my camera track because a new Cinema 4D project. Once inside C4D, I can drop within 3D objects, animate, include lights, render my computer animation and then composite back again in New world. One associated with the real breakthrough highlights of C4D R13, is the particular inclusion of the Actual physical Render system - the kind of real-world physics model of an optic system for rendering extremely photorealistic, detailed CGI. Component of that TCO point I talked about, has been how in previous variations of C4D, you’d possess to buy a chair of VRay for the thousand bucks in situation you wanted that type of rendering quality. Today it’s contained in the sticker cost. MY FIRST C4D TASK I created a task for this review known as “Inspiration: Oakland”. It’s the attempt at the DO-IT-YOURSELF SciFi workflow and the nod to one through the more well-known These types of Area Star Wars tales regarding the origins of the particular AT-AT design. The video footage was shot with the hacked GH1 (shooting 60mbit, 4: 2: 2 MJPEG) and then tracked using the Foundry’s Camera Tracker within After Effects CS five. 5. The AT-AT has been a freebie Poser design off the internet, plus the animation was needed for Poser Pro this year.

An email about Personality Animation in C4D R13 and why I opted Poser Pro 2012. Whilst the new character computer animation in C4D R13 equipment are amazingly powerful, We were dumbstruck when We attempted to build the own quadriped rigging within them. This isn’t in order to say that it’s difficult to do necessarily, nevertheless it would have needed more learning than We had time to perform. I already knew the right way to do it in Fake Pro. Thankfully, C4D performs nice with a great deal of apps, including assisting a plug-in from Jones Micro (PoserObject) that allows me bring in total Poser scenes. And indeed, I kind of appreciate Poser, I use this a ton for previz work.

Step 1: Transfer the shot into New world, track with Camera System. After a little thoroughly clean up from the monitor, I had Camera System build the camera answer and create the picture. I inserted a nevertheless picture of the AT-AT to test how nicely the track would “stick” objects to the video footage. Step 2: File > Export > Cinema 4D Exporter. We mean, really, could this be any simpler? Step three: Launch C4D, open the particular C4D file I produced from the After Results export. Step four: Proceed to Plug-Ins > Poser Object, C4D falls an instance of the particular Poser Object right directly into the center of the particular work area. In the particular Attributes Box, I can just select whatever Fake Scene I want. The note, it is a specific work flow for me, easily was the real C4D jockey, We could just as very easily rig a downloaded design from the web correct here, no need in order to go to other applications. Step 5: Compose components in front of the virtual camera. Really simple, I can preview within real-time, move lights close to, etc. I added the “Sky” object, which allow me enter in the particular location (in easy in order to use “San Francisco, Ca, USA” or I can just enter in chart coordinates), the date plus time. This really is certainly really handy if you are doing shot matching among real life scenes and digital objects. It’s also an additional sort of the require for someone, or some thing (camera) to keep monitor of this type associated with metadata (the Sony FS100 has a built-in GPS NAVIGATION, for example).

Step six: Pick my renderer -- here I have every thing from “Standard” that is certainly really fast but can make things look really “3D”, on up to “Physical” that is really slower on my outdated Earlier 2008 Macbook-pro but can make things look really “real”. In terms of file format options, I can make to anything. I opted 8 bit (per channel) PSD. But I may render out file platforms that also support 3D channel info like RLA. And I can make out Quicktime movies, yet who does that? Outcomes: Perhaps it was the particular internet sourced model or even the less-than-detailed texture function on my part, nevertheless the Physical Renderer created some funny artifacts upon my AT-AT’s head. The majority of notably a flickering polygon. This artifact was not really present in a “Standard” render of the exact same scene.

After Rendering, We brought the image series in New world where this snapped perfectly into location, and I have obtained to see how We premultiplied the sky item with my AT-AT, putting a nice perfect glowing blue outline around it. Instead than rendering again, We personally use the equipment in After Effects to correct it. Then I proceeded to go about compositing (the flickering polygon error, meant a few painting, but other compared to that it was fairly painless), color correcting plus rendering. That was this. Easy integration between the hacked GH1 clip, Right after Effects, a 3D design from the internet plus Cinema 4D.

CONCLUSION Cinema 4D R13 is a good awesome program filled along with power, speed and level. After many years associated with development, Maxon has launched a mature, stable plus robust application that is certainly easy to use plus powerful enough for high end, professional work flows, whilst accessible and fun pertaining to brand spanking new customers to start working instantly. After a few several weeks of some serious noodling, I was barely capable to scratch the surface area of what this item has to offer proprietors. However, it’s already challenging to consider going directly into another project without Cinema 4D on my pier, wedged between After Results and Final Cut Professional. If you’re looking pertaining to an easy-ish to make use of all around modeling, computer animation and rendering application, that will plays nice along with other posting tools, then C4D is certainly a great choice. This comes with a system rendering engine as nicely in the event a person want to set upward your own home make farm. There are furthermore a ton of on the web render farms available within case you don’t really want to buy a ton associated with hardware, but will require power from time-to-time. Even though plug-in support could become kind of limited whenever “farming out”. C4D arrives in 4 flavors, beginning at the low finish with C4D Prime pertaining to about a thousand dollars (even cheaper than that will if you possess a few other app that authorize for a “side grade”) and going up in order to the all towards the particular fully loaded C4D Studio for around 3500 bucks. I love this technique, so I can obtain were only available within 3D, and when or even if my needs modify, I can upgrade plus get new and a lot more esoteric tools working within an environment I’m currently familiar with. C4D furthermore offers a ton associated with 3rd party plug-ins that will let you do every thing from growing virtual vegetation to doing 3D movement capture by having an XBOX Kinect, there actually is no restrict.

[xbjessicalangenudeu0-blog1]

OUR ADVENTURE IN INDIE VFX + A REVIEW ASSOCIATED WITH CINEMA 4D R18

Enter last year and R13, now C4D is looking a great deal like a high-end, The movies movie 3D package. R13 has a totally brand new Physical Render system to get highly photorealistic renders; Stereoscopic tools and workflows to get S3D 3D; an incredible variety of new personality animation tools; and the ton of Modeling, Computer animation, File I/O and URINARY INCONTINENCE improvements. This is the very big update that will takes Cinema 4D in order to a new level.

HIGHER END IS WHAT YOU CHOOSE TO DO, NOT WHAT YOU PURCHASE It really is a good interesting time for the particular advancement 3D animation software program packages. Names that had been once exclusivly for your higher end market like, Mayand Softimage, have lengthy since been acquired simply by Autodesk and been significantly reduced in price. Whilst the traditionally more spending budget friendly apps like Lightwave 3D and 3D Studio Max (also an Autodesk product) have seen their particular toolsets and capabilities develop to challenge the marketplace heavyweights. The idea that will “high end” 3D capacity was something you bought with a pile associated with money has really long gone the way of SGI machines. “High end” is not what you own any more, it’s what you perform with what you may have. It’s in this particular crowded, competitive marketplace that will a product like Cinema 4D R13 Studio (C4D) has to be examined. C4D has been about since 1991. The one. 0 was released for your Commodore Amiga - the particular first ’90’s DIY video clip platform of choice. C4D’s roots run deep within the anti-big iron motion of desktop jockeys plus one-person shops. C4Ds roots are mirrored closely simply by Newtek’s Lightwave 3D. Considering that then, C4D has extended to Windows, MacOS plus Linux (for Studio just, and only by demand, BTW), while also developing and keeping pace along with the developments and styles in 3D animation. Such as Lightwave 3D, C4D provides been picked up plus used by VFX homes on big budget The movies effects films - the particular measure by which the product is judged “high end” if you move by the product novels. This pressure from beneath - rapidly developing multipltform desktop tools combined along with the explosion of inexpensive CPU and GPU strength - has defined all of facets of post creation technology the past 2 decades, 3D is simply no exception. The myriad associated with uses (and users) associated with 3D in motion images and motion graphics have got exploded. This hashappened since in-camera effects and miniatures have retreated to several very narrow niche within the market. The amount of people using 3D applications for day-to-day, non-Hollywood work has greatly extended as well. There are usually a lot more individuals shopping around for actually great, easyish-to-use, powerful 3D applications. Further, this software has to be "plug and play" with the Adobe CS Suite and run upon everyone’s hardware. This provides changed the 3D landscaping in a big method. Rather than the divergent markets of “high finish iron” versus “desktop rebels”, it’s all become 1 big pie. The application that began on the particular Amiga in 1991 (C4D) now costs 3500 dollars, while the app that will started out on IRIX in 1998 (Maya) furthermore costs 3500 bucks. Each apps are chasing the particular same buyers, and each offer free or teaser versions to win more than market share. With simply no difference in price, customers must think about the particular larger equation of Overall Cost of Ownership to get a 3D package. Which usually is my method associated with saying that the price of a 3D application is far more in comparison to sticker price. THE PARTICULAR AUTO ASSEMBLY LINE COMPARED TO. THE MAKER-BOT Big spending budget 3D apps were constructed to live and function on a highly-skilled VFX assembly line, they have got a legacy of sturdy programming/scripting tools, complex computer animation capablities, network rendering plus integration with other higher end pieces of software program. At the same period, the desktop apps had been made for a lot more single license, end consumer market - they experienced to be friendly sufficient to use and end up being able to run upon off-the-shelf hardware. The desktop-born apps have had in order to play catch up with regards to feature set, power plus scalability. The genesis through the high end 3D apps may be the automotive set up line towards the relatives “maker-bot” style DIY roots of products that produced on the highly prosumer platforms of the earlier 1990’s. C4D lives the particular legacy of an consumer friendly 3D application that will has grown up in order to a full-fledged CGI modeling, animation and rendering suite of tools. Along along with these tools, a radiant and active user neighborhood is growing up along with it. THIS IS HEADING TO TAKE THE TIME 3D deals used to be simply like a religion, a person could really only sign up for one. But the fact in today’s post conditions, and parity of function sets among packages, indicates most artists are competent in multiple programs This particular brings me back about to Total Cost associated with Ownership as well as other things in order to consider when learning the 3D application. Learning the 3D Application, no issue how user-friendly, means dealing with a huge, steep contour. Any package you find out now should be gathering a base set associated with skills which are transferrable to whatever happens the next day. Many 3D artists furthermore use multiple 3D deals in the course associated with a project - evening out the relative strengths plus speeds to maximize work flow efficiency. So a 3D app has to function with other 3D applications, while ideally being similiar enough in concept plus execution that skills convert between packages. Call this a compatibility litmus check. This is a check that C4D R13 satisfies. With support for the ton of 3D plus 2D file formats, plus a plug-in SDK that will let’s developers create their particular own paths into the particular app, C4D R13 can be plug-and-play. Bottom line, In case you’re going to become a working 3D artist, after that you’ll have to find out multiple 3D apps plus workflows. But what in case you’re not going ot be a 3D performer, but you still wish to create CGI to get your projects? This can be actually the boat that will I am in. I actually is not a 3D artist. I am the writer/ director of indie and commercial projects along with enough knowledge of post-production pipelines to work along with VFX professionals. From period to time, I will certainly use apps like Fake Pro, Google Sketch Upward and Photoshop to pre-visualize sequences and shots. Nevertheless, the final time I actually personally created CGI had been a decade ago within Lightwave 7 on the G4 tower. I have got been working with computer systems and cameras for the particular last 20 years, which usually makes me allergic in order to reading manuals or directions of any kind. I actually have a brain filled up with useless keyboard cutting corners for applications that “end of life’d” years. I am constantly terrified that any kind of new knowledge or ability will suddenly be delivered obsolete by some other new knowledge or ability. My aversion to getting to learn anything brand new to do something I actually want to do upon a computer borders in the pathological. To me, the particular Arri Alexa is the particular perfect camera not due to the fact of it’s pretty picture and wide latitude, yet because of it’s basic menus and big chocolate colored buttons. 3D applications have always looked such as the geekiest of geekery in my opinion. To be apparent, I have only crazy respect and admiration to get the artists who run the 3D, but We all are not one associated with them. So why feel I diving into the full-on serious 3D software like C4D? C4D CAN MAKE ME WANT TO END UP BEING A BETTER ARTIST In order to become totally truthful in order to you, I truly want in order to know about this things now. I’ve never shaken the feeling of watching “Monsters” and thinking that it is the last best wish for American Independent movie theater to finally break in order to wider audiences. Every period some broke filmmaker within Brooklyn makes a film about three friends within an apartment talking in order to one another, all associated with indie film gets lambasted as boring exercises within entitled, mumbly navel-gazing. Whenever in reality, broke filmmakers are doing the greatest they can with really limited resources and developing restrictions on where plus exactly how you may shoot. Part of the particular benefit of DSLRs can be that a filmmaker may shoot in public instead of arouse the suspicion through the populace or pull the ire of the particular authorities. Benefit cost, within money and time, associated with permits, permissions and exclusions is more than sufficient to drive most got destroyed filmmakers back into their particular apartments to see exactly what they can pull away from. And yes, mostly it is boring, mumbly and well-trod. Along comes Gareth Edwards, who packs up their EX3 (and Letus adapter) two actors and also a pal. He flies everyone lower to Southern Mexico, rent a cargo van plus sets off to capture a no budget, indie road movie. He’s currently one step ahead associated with the game by capturing it outside his house, but still pretty close to a thousand some other “indie road romances” unspooling every year at celebrations. He shoots his film; enlists nonactors in important roles; composes great pictures with nice scenery, after that goes home to their studio apartment and turns the door for the year. He comes out there and blows everyone’s brain by taking his street movie into Consequences plus a 3D app (3DS Max, not C4D). He or she pulls down some pre-made 3D models off the particular internet, does some modeling and animation on their own. 250 effects pictures and a year afterwards he’s done. All results, animation, compositing and object rendering done on two computer systems in his studio house. And exactly what can have been an uninteresting, mumbly “road-romance” is all of a sudden a suspense-filled, dystopic sci-fi rumination on loss, like and survival after ridiculous disaster. No zillion money effects budget, no dozens of VFX companies put out there of business overnight simply by flat-rate bids - simply indie spirit and performance of a genre which usually was supposed to end up being off-limits to broke filmmakers.

When I watch the particular feature demo reels associated with what Cinema 4D R13 can do, I feel also awestruck and motivated by what I can do on my notebook. Armed with an obtainable, affordable piece of 3D software after Effects. MOVEMENT TRACK + 3D COMPUTER ANIMATION TEST 2012 = DIGITAL SLR + QUICK FIX CHECK 2010 Clearly an whole new generation of filmmakers are realizing that merging live action footage along with CGI elements is all of a sudden, easily, available to all of them. Take a look on “Another Earth” and a person can see what several inspired filmmakers did along with motion tracking and compositing still images from NASA - a much less technically challenging project that will Edwards’ monsters. THE UNLIMITED VIRTUAL PROPS DEPARTMENT Whenever i ventured into the particular wilds of 3D computer animation, I found a fantastic neighborhood of generous over-sharers. Therefore much has changed considering that I made a fifty percent a dozen CGI pictures for my short movie. The web is right now a warehouse of each beautifully detailed 3D versions and crude, rudimentary angles. Pricing varies from free to the hundreds associated with dollars, as far since I can tell, presently there is absolutely no rhyme or reason about just how prices are set. I actually discovered gorgeous stuff to get free and some quite janky looking stuff that will cost real dollars. Thankfully, there’s C4D cafe plus CGTalk, among a great deal of others. Honestly, I actually know I’ll need in order to learn to model on some time, but I actually can build cities, generate cars and fly aeroplanes all with free or even really cheap models down loaded in seconds. So that will as far as our aversion to reading guides, as it happens I actually don’t have to. This seems, in my opinion, that every single 3D artist can furthermore be an eager manufacturer of screen-capture how-to movies. With no one can be more eager compared in order to creators of 3D applications. Maxon has something known as Cineversity, a collection associated with screen-cap the best way to videos upon every aspect of Cinema 4D as well since workflows for modeling, computer animation and VFX. This can be a subscription service which usually i got a ninety day pass to make use of. The content is incredibly helpful, but there’s the particular ton of free instruction on YouTube and Vimeo that’s equally as useful. In 3D-land, there can be no shortage of instruction available. My mercenary desire to combine live-action photos with 3D elements through the internet backlot actually allowed me to pay out attention to some small and specific parts associated with C4D R13. I nevertheless don’t know what the NURB is, I’m somewhat hazy on UV runs and I know that will hair is absolutely cool within 3D, but I’ve however to put it upon anything. I love Consequences, I have since 1995. And am love items from The Foundry. I actually beta-tested Camera Tracker, plus I am a devoted user and evangelist associated with just how stupid-easy this is to use. Digital camera Tracker makes match relocating so simple which i actually don’t really remember our workflows before. So whenever I discovered out that will C4D a new connect to for After Effects that will let me export our camera data, I had been kind of smitten. Plus it’s just that simple - track my photos, create camera, export in order to Cinema 4D. In C4D, I can open upward my camera track since a new Cinema 4D project. Once inside C4D, I can drop within 3D objects, animate, include lights, render my computer animation and then composite back again in Consequences. One associated with the real breakthrough top features of C4D R13, is the particular inclusion of the Bodily Render system - the kind of real-world physics model of an optic system for rendering extremely photorealistic, detailed CGI. Component of that TCO matter I talked about, had been how in previous variations of C4D, you’d have got to buy a chair of VRay for the thousand bucks in situation you wanted that type of rendering quality. Right now it’s within the sticker cost. MY FIRST C4D TASK I created a task for this review known as “Inspiration: Oakland”. It’s our attempt at the DO-IT-YOURSELF SciFi workflow and the nod to one through the more well-known Gulf Area Star Wars tales concerning the origins of the particular AT-AT design. The photos was shot with the hacked GH1 (shooting 60mbit, 4: 2: 2 MJPEG) and then tracked with all the Foundry’s Camera Tracker within After Effects CS five. 5. The AT-AT had been a freebie Poser design off the internet, plus the animation was necessary for Poser Pro this year. An email about Personality Animation in C4D R13 and why I decided Poser Pro 2012. Whilst the new character computer animation in C4D R13 equipment are amazingly powerful, I actually was dumbstruck when I actually attempted to build our own quadriped rigging within them. This isn’t in order to say that it’s tough to do necessarily, nevertheless it would have necessary more learning than I actually had time to perform. I already knew the best way to do it in Fake Pro. Thankfully, C4D performs nice with a great deal of apps, including helping a plug-in from Cruz Micro (PoserObject) that enables me bring in comprehensive Poser scenes. And indeed, I kind of like Poser, I use this a ton for previz work. Step 1: Transfer the shot into Consequences, track with Camera System. After a little thoroughly clean up from the monitor, I had Camera System build the camera alternative and create the picture. I inserted a nevertheless picture of the AT-AT to test how properly the track would “stick” objects to the photos. Step 2: File > Export > Cinema 4D Exporter. I actually mean, really, could this be any simpler? 3: Launch C4D, open the particular C4D file I produced from the After Results export. Step four: Move to Plug-Ins > Poser Object, C4D falls an instance of the particular Poser Object right in to the center of the particular work area. In the particular Attributes Box, I can just select whatever Fake Scene I want. The note, this can be a specific work flow for me, basically was the real C4D jockey, I actually could just as simply rig a downloaded design from the web correct here, no need in order to go to other applications. Step 5: Compose components in front of our virtual camera. Really simple, I can preview within real-time, move lights about, etc. I added the “Sky” object, which allow me enter in the particular location (in easy in order to use “San Francisco, Ca, USA” or I can just enter in chart coordinates), the date plus time. This really can be really handy if you are doing shot matching in between real-world scenes and digital objects. It’s also one more sort of the require for someone, or some thing (camera) to keep monitor of this type associated with metadata (the Sony FS100 has a built-in GPS NAVIGATION, for example).

Step six: Pick my renderer : here I have almost everything from “Standard” that can be really fast but can make things look really “3D”, on up to “Physical” that is really sluggish on my outdated Earlier 2008 Macbook-pro but can make things look really “real”. In terms of structure options, I can provide to anything. I decided 8 bit (per channel) PSD. But I may render out file types that also support 3D channel info like RLA. And I can provide out Quicktime movies, yet who does that? Outcomes: Perhaps it was the particular internet sourced model or even the less-than-detailed texture function on my part, nevertheless the Physical Renderer created some funny artifacts upon my AT-AT’s head. Many notably a flickering polygon. This artifact was not really present in a “Standard” render of the exact same scene. After Rendering, I actually brought the image series in Consequences where this snapped perfectly into location, and I have obtained to see how I actually premultiplied the sky item with my AT-AT, putting a nice perfect azure outline around it. Instead than rendering again, I actually personally use the equipment in After Effects to repair it. Then I proceeded to go about compositing (the flickering polygon error, meant several painting, but other compared to that it was quite painless), color correcting plus rendering. That was this. Easy integration between the hacked GH1 clip, Right after Effects, a 3D design from the internet plus Cinema 4D. CONCLUSION Cinema 4D R13 is a good awesome program filled along with power, speed and level. After many years associated with development, Maxon has launched a mature, stable plus robust application that can be easy to use plus powerful enough for expensive, professional work flows, whilst accessible and fun to get brand spanking new customers to start working instantly. After a few days of some serious noodling, I was barely capable to scratch the surface area of what this item has to offer proprietors. However, it’s already hard to consider going in to another project without Cinema 4D on my connect, wedged between After Results and Final Cut Professional. If you’re looking to get an easy-ish to make use of all around modeling, computer animation and rendering application, that will plays nice to blog post tools, then C4D can be a great choice. This comes with a system rendering engine as properly in the event a person want to set upward your own home provide farm. There are furthermore a ton of on the internet render farms available within case you don’t wish to purchase a ton associated with hardware, but will require power from time-to-time. Even though plug-in support could end up being kind of limited whenever “farming out”. C4D arrives in 4 flavors, beginning at the low finish with C4D Prime to get about a thousand dollars (even cheaper than that will if you possess several other app that authorize for a “side grade”) and going up in order to the all towards the particular fully loaded C4D Studio for around 3500 bucks. I love this technique, so I can obtain were only available within 3D, and when or even if my needs alter, I can upgrade plus get new and a lot more esoteric tools working within an environment I’m currently familiar with. C4D furthermore offers a ton associated with 3rd party plug-ins that will let you do almost everything from growing virtual plant life to doing 3D movement capture having an XBOX Kinect, there is really no restrict.

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Just in Time for Halloween, The Ask D'Mine FEAR Edition!

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Just in Time for Halloween, The Ask D'Mine FEAR Edition!

OK, we've been doing fear all month... but this week's edition of our diabetes advice column, Ask D'Mine, is especially scary! Chills-down-the-back scary! I promise. Have you met its host, type 1 PWD, diabetes author and community educator Wil Dubois?

Don't let him scare you off entirely this week 😉

Need help navigating life with diabetes? Email us at AskDMine@diabetesmine.com

Lisa from Florida, type 3, writes:I'm a mother of a 14-year old girl with type 1 diabetes. Our healthcare system is truly unraveling because of Big Pharma and insurance companies. I fear for my daughter's future because of it (and remain pessimistic that a cure will ever come because of the huge profits that come with diabetes treatment). So why can't we at least lobby for generic insulin that would be affordable to all? With numbers of diabetes growing so big, we would be a mighty force to reckon with!

Wil@Ask D'Mine answers: Well, as to the cure, let me tell you my favorite scary Halloween story: The cure for diabetes probably has been found, no less than 13 times, even... So why on earth haven't we heard about it? Why the @#$%& are we all still shooting up insulin?

I can just picture the scene: John Q. Researcher, PhD, has just finished writing up his diabetes cure results and has emailed them to the New England Journal of Medicine. He has a good heart, but visions of glory and fame dance across the insides of his eyelids when closes his eyes. Then the phone rings. The Nobel Prize Committee would like to talk to him about his findings.

He can't believe his good luck as a jet-black stretch limo pulls up outside his ivory tower. The driver, in a black trench coat and mirrored sunglasses, holds the door open for him. In the back, an open bottle of champagne awaits. Oh, along with some... you know... overly-large-breasted party favors.

But after the limo whisks Dr. Researcher out of the city, something seems amiss. The airport is the other way. What's going on? The city falls behind as the limo roars out into the empty countryside. Dr. R is starting to get a little antsy, a little sweaty, but the bimbos pour him another glass of bubbly...

And suddenly the limo pulls sharply off the main highway and barrels down a dirt road. The sky is darkening now. A flash of lighting streaks across the horizon. The wind picks up and dry leaves blow and scatter in the wake of the limo.

Something is definitely wrong. Dr. R reaches for the door handle and finds it's been removed. He can't get out of the limo. There's no escape. He's trapped.

Dr. R has a date with the grim pharma reaper.

Yes, 13 times diabetes has been cured. And 13 times the researchers have been driven out and "deposited" into a corn field, and their research burned.

BOO!!!

OK, so I don't really believe that, but there're probably people who do. The real fact is that it's damn hard to come up with a cure for a disease when you can't even figure out what causes the frickin' disease in the first place. And thus far, the cause of your daughter's diabetes is rather ghost-like. Sometimes, during a full moon, researchers think they can see it... but then...

Money aside, trust me, a lot of good-hearted people are hard at work on a cure. Even so, I'm pessimistic that it will come soon, too. I don't blame greed for the lack of progress. I just think the obstacles are too large to overcome anytime soon.

I also think pessimism can be good medicine for our diabetes. If we live our lives like there will be a cure tomorrow, we'll be careless with our health, and pay a very high price indeed. If we live our lives like there will never be a cure, the worst that can happen is we'll be pleasantly surprised. And on that day I'll meet you and your daughter, along with the rest of the gang, down at the Krispy Kreme. Oh, and then I'll need to look for a new job. (I kinda think that under the circumstances, I'll have a hard time getting too upset about that.)

But you're right, there's a lot of money to be made on diabetes, and thank God for that. I bet you think I hit the bottle early today, huh? Nope. Here's how I run the math. Think how much more money Big Pharma can make if they can extend my life just one year. In just one year, think how many more test strips, how much more insulin, how many more CGM sensors, and how many more infusion sets I'll use. Oh, and it gets better. Just think how much more money they'll make if they can extend my life by five years? Or by a decade?

I'm a frickin' gold mine.

But guess what? While they're mining all that gold, I'm alive for my son. So you gotta keep these things in perspective.

As to lobbying for generic insulin... well, more on lobbying in a minute, but let me talk about insulin first. When a medicine goes generic, the formula becomes public knowledge. Yep, it would be just like if you could look up the Colonel's secret recipe on the internet. But making insulin is a lot harder than making fried chicken. Now I don't know exactly how much it costs to build an insulin manufacturing plant, but I'm pretty sure it's a long number with a lot of commas and zeros in it. Frankly, anyone who built an insulin plant to sell generic insulin would never recoup their investment. And actually, we kinda sorta have generic insulin already. The Wal-Mart ReliOn insulins are out-of-patent formulations that sell for about a quarter of the cost of the fancy-pants stuff we all prefer. (btw, it's made by Eli Lilly.)

Now, I loved your image of people with diabetes as a mighty force to reckon with. Let's think about that for a minute. The United Auto Workers have around a million members and have been known to make a few congressmen tremble in their boots (disclaimer: I'm a card-carrying member of the National Writers Union, which is actually part of the UAW). What're some other influential groups in our county? Oh, the National Rifle Association comes to mind, they have a little bit of political clout with around four million members.

But the official number of persons with diabetes this year is 25.8 million. If we voted with one voice we'd be second only to AARP (with their 40 million members) when it comes to political power and clout. A million-man march would look like a Sunday picnic compared to a 25-million diabetic march, don't you think?

And if we actually organized, and spoke, and voted, with one voice, we could practically be the only game in town—for two reasons. First, in 2010 around 90 million Americans turned out to the polls to vote. So, in theory, we could be about a quarter of the voting population. Oh, and if our loved ones also came to the polls with us, we could command half the vote. Or more.

And second, our cause, if narrowly focused on a limited number of diabetes-specific issues, is non-partisan. That's how Prohibition got passed in the

'20s. It was some groups that wanted the election focused on Prohibition and Prohibition alone. They supported politicians of both parties who favored the issue and they voted out anyone of either party who got in their way. I hate to compare the diabetes cause to anything as crazy as Prohibition, but if a freedom-loving country like ours was once taken over by a small group of highly focused fanatic people in this way, we could take a page from their playbook.

Maybe this Halloween, it's time to transfer some fear: from us to the people in Washington, D.C.

This is not a medical advice column. We are PWDs freely and openly sharing the wisdom of our collected experiences — our been-there-done-that knowledge from the trenches. But we are not MDs, RNs, NPs, PAs, CDEs, or partridges in pear trees. Bottom line: we are only a small part of your total prescription. You still need the professional advice, treatment, and care of a licensed medical professional.

Disclaimer: Content created by the Diabetes Mine team. For more details click here.

Disclaimer

This content is created for Diabetes Mine, a consumer health blog focused on the diabetes community. The content is not medically reviewed and doesn't adhere to Healthline's editorial guidelines. For more information about Healthline's partnership with Diabetes Mine, please click here.

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