#this is what you get for wearing heels
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wirlibirb · 11 days ago
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i was going to draw serious things i swear
(@keferon's snow bots au)
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demonir · 2 months ago
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She did not understand the assignment
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starry-bi-sky · 2 months ago
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childhood friends au danny is submissive the same way a dog wearing a muzzle is submissive, send tweet.
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arsenicflame · 5 months ago
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steddyhands modern au inspired by this post:
(1828 words, themes of kink but nothing explicit, established blackhands & gentlebeard-centric. Happy Pride!)
Stede picks up leatherworking in the wake of his divorce. He's not exactly sure how it ended up being such an important hobby for him, only that he had always admired the intricate designs on his horse's best bridles, and with little else to do with his time, he decides to give it a go.
It's rocky going at first, but he's having fun working with his hands for the first time in his life, and there's a sense of satisfaction in seeing the design come to life as he works. With practice, his skills improve, and he learns how to make things that are truly one of a kind.
He starts off posting his pieces online, as a way to reach fellow enthusiasts, but quickly finds himself with a rather large audience. Stede’s style is unique, and, after many requests from his followers, Lucius encourages him to make some more basic pieces he can sell. It's not about making money for Stede, but another way to meet new people who share his interests- as Lucius keeps telling him, it's sad that his personal assistant is the main person he talks to these days. 
So Stede sets out on a new adventure, and has quite the time designing a new range of patterns for the market. He makes purses, belts, bracelets, and, most importantly, dog collars- all still with his unique designs embossed into them, of course. He rents a booth at his towns monthly craft fair, and very quickly finds himself with a new group of friends in the other regulars- Pete, his usual neighbour, who sells an array of wooden figures he carves, Roach, who runs a stand for his bakery, and Frenchie, who isn't actually a stallholder, but is almost always busking near his friend Wee John’s stand of knitted goods, bringing life to the market even in the pouring rain. There's also Buttons, another regular at the market. Nobody is exactly sure what he does there- he doesn't sell things, or seem to buy anything either, but rain or shine, he's there with the birds.
Stede’s been doing this a few months by the time June rolls around. As he's setting up his stand, he notices that the area is much busier than it’d normally be at this time of morning. Lucius, who got roped into helping run Stede’s stall somewhere down the line (despite his protests that this is not what personal assistant means… But hey, he got a boyfriend out of it, at least), reminds him that there's the parade today, too- not realising that Stede had no clue there was a parade today, and especially not that it was pride. Stede immediately jumps to fretting about the amount of stock he’s brought, and Lucius takes the cue to escape, saying he’ll go and grab them coffee (but really, he's off to flirt with Pete)
Lucius is still missing when Ed stumbles across the little leather stall. Stede’s just ran back to his car to fetch his last boxes of inventory, and by the time he returns, Ed’s already begun to narrow down his choices. Stede greets him, starting to tell him that they're not actually open yet, but before he gets more than a couple of words out, Ed’s exclaiming “You're a Kiwi!!!”
The two of them smile at the shared recognition, and Stede says he’ll make an exception, just for Ed, and asks him what exactly he was interested in. Ed tells him that he's looking for a collar “for his boy”, and points out the particular design he was looking at. It happens to be one of Stede’s favourites from this latest run of work, a fact he mentions to Ed. It leads them into a discussion about Stede’s craft, and Ed’s Izzy, and then everything in between. Ed’s listening intently to the things Stede’s telling him, completely drawn in by the process, and by Stede himself. He watches as Stede stamps Izzy's name into the collar, and Stede even lets him have a go at one of the stamps. 
Lucius reappears sometime in the middle of this- only to immediately retreat again, seeing Stede engrossed with Ed. He sets up camp at Pete's booth opposite, watching this man flirt intensely with his boss- and Stede flirt back just as hard. Does Stede even realise he’s doing it? Lucius had known Stede was gay since before Stede even admitted it to himself, but this is on a whole other level.
The pair stand there so long that Izzy comes to look for Ed- the two of them are manning a float on the parade with their crew, and it's past time for them to get geared up. He's already worked up, frustrated to have been left to set up everything alone, when Ed had just gone to see if he could get them both coffee. So maybe he's a bit of a prick, approaching with a brash “where the fuck have you been, Edward”, to which Stede brings the same energy, giving a bitchy “Ed! Do you know this guy?” Izzy tenses, ready to snap, but then Ed cuts in, excitedly telling Stede that this is “his Izzy!” Which confuses the hell out of Stede. 
Forgetting his earlier attitude, he asks Ed if he “really named his dog after his friend”, only to be met with confusion right back from Ed at where the hell Stede got the idea he had a dog from. Stede gestures at the bag with the collar in it, to which Ed has to tell him, “oh, no, that's for him.” Ed tells Stede that they're here to run a float for their local leather society, and while Stede is certainly shocked by what Ed’s saying, he's not finding himself… uninterested. It's simply that he’s never even considered any of this before, especially not that people would use the things that he made for this, but Ed sounds so enthusiastic about it all. He tells him about how his friends would love to see Stede’s work, about how classic leather gear is always so fucking boring- but not Stede’s stuff, no, Stede’s stuff is “fresh” and “fascinating” and unlike anything Ed’s ever seen before. 
Ed's enthusiasm is incredibly infectious, so when he invites Stede to come back to see their float, he readily agrees. It’s a concept Izzy’s less than enthusiastic about. He doesn’t really want to bring this man who’s dressed like he just walked out of a HOA board meeting to their kinky little corner of the world, but he is having a lot of fun watching Stede squirm, so decides not to raise a protest. He does demand he gets his long-overdue coffee first, though (Stede pays for it- as “compensation for him distracting Ed from his job”, he says, not giving Izzy a second to process before he's tapping his card)
By the time they return to the float, Fang, Ivan & Jim are waiting for them, all already geared up. Stede is stunned silent at the sight for about 5 seconds, before he starts actually looking at the quality of Jim’s harness, and proceeds to go off about the poor quality of the craftsmanship, about how the hardware is tacky and completely the wrong choice with this leather, how his “ten year old daughter could do a better job!!!” 
There's complete silence from the group, until Izzy, of all people, bursts into laughter at Stede’s audacity (and, the fact he was staring at Jim's tits completely unabashedly, like he hadn't even noticed them in the first place). Izzy's laughter sets Ed off as he tells the group about Stede’s misunderstanding- “you didn't say he was a person!” “I mean, he's my dog”- and soon everyone's having a friendly giggle at Stede’s mistake.
It's somewhere in the middle of the retelling that Ed remembers that this whole thing happened because he was buying Izzy a gift. After a moments fumbling, he presents Izzy with the collar-  It's a rich, deep black, embossed with a rolling pattern that resembles waves. It’s made from a firm enough leather to take the tooling, and to remind Izzy that he’s owned while he’s wearing it, yet still soft enough for long term comfort. Izzy's eyes immediately lock on to it, an unreadable expression coming over his face, and Ed turns it; first so he can really see the design and Izzy’s name embossed into it, and then so he can see the small “Ed ♥” on the inside of the collar, right over his swallow tattoo. 
“I did the heart,” Ed says to him softly, intended only for Izzy’s ears. Izzy's eyes flick up to Ed’s, and he raises his chin to give Ed the room to put it on. Ed buckles the collar around his neck almost reverently, a test of the tightness turning into a caress of Izzy's neck. It's a perfect fit.
It's as though something comes over Izzy; so twitchy and abrasive earlier, now silent, staring at Ed with a look akin to worship in his eyes. He obediently tilts his head for a kiss as Ed's fingers move to his chin- It's a sight to behold, and one that has Stede intrigued. He wants to know more about this lifestyle, and these men in particular. He wants to be the one to put that expression on Izzy's face.
The moment breaks as Ed and Izzy pull apart, and Ed calls for the crew to finish the last bits of set up. Izzy shakes himself a little before running off to bark orders again, but even still, there remains a softness to him that wasn't there before. 
Ed turns back to Stede with an apologetic smile, already obvious that he has to get going. Before he can speak, however, Stede jumps in -“My business numbers on the card in the box… I'll be around all day”- Ed’s smile turns more genuine at that, promising to stop by if he gets a moment, and that he’ll send his friend's Stede’s way- “if he wants that kind of business.” Stede says that he does, actually- that he's seen a whole new world already today, and, while he was a little taken aback at first, he can feel the passion Ed and his friends have for this life. If there's one thing that's ever mattered to Stede, it's other people's enthusiasm. Maybe he doesn't completely understand yet, but he would like to try.
One year later, Stede’s back at the market on pride weekend again, far better stocked for the crowds this time around. Lucius is finally free to spend the day flirting with Fang & Pete to his heart's content, now that Stede’s roped his own boyfriends into helping him run the stall- and into modelling the merchandise. Ed loves that part, while Izzy needs a lot more convincing, but the puppy eyes Stede & Ed weaponise against him make a very good argument.
#Despite what this post may imply; i actually know very little about the art of leatherwork#Im also not saying Stede got into leatherwork because of his repressed leather kink. But im not not saying that.#(This is not to say that i personally think leather gear is boring- i totally see the beauty in simple/plain designs & i get that the#style is all about the look of straps and hardware. but also. i know in my heart Edward ‘likes a fine thing’ Teach would be head over heels#for fun unique pieces. Its the whimsy of it all)#(not to turn this into OFMD meta but. You can like both; in fact. You can have the leather AND you can have the florals)#ALSO. dont ask me why izzy would find a big difference between wearing gear on the float vs the stand. it just felt right#(ok i do have reasoning. its the directness of it. in the parade its very part-of-a-crowd; every interaction in passing. running the stand#is direct interactions + they are specifically looking at Him. it feels different. but he does it because he loves his partners)#nyxtalks#ofmd#our flag means death#edward teach#stede bonnet#izzy hands#israel hands#blackbeard#blackhands#edizzy#gentlehands#stizzy#gentlebeard#blackbonnet#steddyhands#fanfic#sort of... i dont really consider this fic; more. scenario description but ill admit this ended up way closer to fic than i planned#but the weird stylistic choices are because. this wasnt intended as fully fleshed out fic.#i am not a writer & i dont want to be. im just a guy with ideas over here; and the best way to share ideas is through words#(Please dont count the commas per sentence ratio. Thats between me & god)#also. I cant believe i wrote something that can be tagged as gentlebeard centric. Who am i.
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bigtreefest · 2 months ago
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Should I have told you guys I’m going to a gala tonight? It’s going to be filled with many lawyers and posh donors…. Gonna play ‘spot the mob boss’ with myself during cocktail hour…
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uncanny-tranny · 2 years ago
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The beautiful thing about androgyny and gender neutrality is that it's not one thing. Androgyny doesn't mean "vuagely male in appearance," it can look like long hair, lipstick, high heels, dresses, skirts. It can look like anything!
Being androgynous isn't dependant on your assigned sex and if you present in a semi-masculine way. I've seen some people imply that androgyny (and by some extension nonbonary identity) relies on not being feminine or adjacent to femininity in any way, and that isn't true. Masculinity is not inherently more worthy for androgynous people and/or nonbinary people to uphold.
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mangostarjam · 5 months ago
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MANGO mango Mango MaNgO
Listen just hear me out again……
Hoshina is 100% the type to insist his s/o wears heels even if they’re taller than him AM I RIGHT OR AM I RIGHT
-🐌
i'm picturing you slipping and sliding down the hallway until you burst into my room and stand panting at my doorway to tell me this btw but i 100% agree!!! YOU RIGHT DUDE thinking about him being the "my girl can wear what she wants cuz i can fight" type of guy!! i also think he'd think it's hot to see his s/o kick ass in heels. to have their legs wrapped around his waist with their heels threatening to slip off their feet as he moves ashfgdgshfjdkl
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armenelols · 3 months ago
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By the way. Buying jeans in stores is impossible if you are shorter than average and they are gonna drag behind you like a veil. Have fun tripping on them (It's me. I am short)
#brought to you by me buying jeans today#they are said to be ankle length#spoiler: NOT ON ME#they go midway to my heel#if i tuck them in slightly they are great#but the point is#i am 158/159 cm#in feet i think that's either 5'2 or 5'3#THERE ARE PLENTY PEOPLE SHORTER THAN ME#if i can't buy jeans because they are long enough to cover my entire foot and a few cm of floor as well#what the fuck are people even shorter than me buying#a year ago i bought these loose summer pants that were said to be in length somewhere under the knee#THEY GO TO MY ANKLES (they are great pants btw. the only pair of loose pants i own because all the other ones in stores are too f long)#i know getting clothes tailored is an option#but i am really not gonna do that with everything i am buying?#especially jeans#since i never know how long they are gonna last#my thighs are thicker and touch each other so they have a tendency to tear in between my legs#sometimes they last years (current record 5 years)#and sometimes they last 3 months#i never know until i wear them more often#and i am not gonna get my clothes tailored every 3 months#i am on the skinny side so idk what the plus-size clothes situation is like but according to all evidence: absolutely horrible#anyway#brought to you by me bcs i dont shop online often and prefer stores so i can try things on first without having to return them after buying#also reminder that i DID buy nice jeans today. its just that i hardly ever find some#ohv and obv tall people also have it bad™ i am sorry for your naked ankles in winter weather#ema rambles#possibly to delete
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ri-notafan · 2 months ago
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Went through 14 years of Facebook photos to find one pic of my actually-decent croc-heels and the pic cuts off most my feet anyway
To make up for the worthless dive, I bring you, @the-chickenshit-oddity , The Fuglies
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Now, I don’t know a lot about the heels of today for Crocs and frankly I don’t wanna look too much, but would I wear the mystery machine clogs? Probably, for the distinct Funkiness of the Scooby Gang, but there are others I would certainly do first 😂
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Peeved now though because I just noticed the adult Batmobile listing is gone from their website??? ☹️
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sysig · 7 months ago
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The most fun you can have, barring the pain and torture (Patreon)
#Doodles#SCII#Damned#Helix#ZEX#Teisel#Max Vyer#Zack Fair#Vlad Masters#Weird fun fact??? The last time I posted Vlad was also in the same set as ZEX so uh????? Lol#I could not have possibly planned that so please just enjoy the serendipity - I certainly am lol#Anyway <3 Mostly leftover doodles for now! There's still more especially planned/in my notes but we're at a lull#And it's time for some silliness! :D Love silliness!#Starting with a very cute tiny ZEX ??ing at slippers - he really didn't wear footwear much - or at least it wasn't mentioned so lol#Max has barefoot energy too it's fine lol#And ZEX only wears shoes in his VUX form sometimes! Surely it's just as unnecessary for humans! Hehe#After I doodled him holding a pencil like half-properly I realized oh yeah - he wouldn't do that unless directed would he haha#Much more natural to curl - or at least as close as possible with fingers - around his writing implement :D#I do wonder what he'd think of human calligraphy brushes hmm - more natural? Less? He'd certainly enjoy watching but when doesn't he <3#Oh I loved him sitting and enjoying the rain ♥ Reminded me of Gaster :D Though this came well-first hehe <3#Just a very pleasant detail - amphibious lad loving precipitation hehe#Another simple one of hanging out with Teisel ugh he kicked his legs in the absence of his tail he's so cute weh ;;♥#Hey Max is actually here for a change!! I want to give him more attention he deserves it - especially with everyone being so mean to him :')#He just wants friends! He's barely here be nice to him while he is! At least Peter was nice to him haha#You only think he's creepy because you think he's fake and ZEX is real - they're both real don't be mean#Max's clinginess is so sad here haha :') Protect him pls <3#I love ZEX's asides with Vlad lol ♪ Man I really haven't drawn him in ages too long!#Okay but the image of ZEX in a nurse costume? Amazing he'd rock it - Max even moreso since he'd understand the context <3#Get this man in a skirt and heels stat he'll look So pretty ♫
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skitskatdacat63 · 1 year ago
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Together <3
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ivymarquis · 2 months ago
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I bought a pair of pleasers and ????
Have nowhere to wear them lmfao
There will never be a face reveal on this blog but perhaps ???? A Shoe Reveal???
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skeletonfromthecloset · 19 days ago
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AGHHH y’all my hands hurt so fucking bad because i spent like. a solid three hours carving my pumpkin like. 3?? 4?? days ago?? what is up with that bro. what is up with that. stop it. owie.
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uncanny-tranny · 2 years ago
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It is like two minutes till transsexual Thursday is OVER, but I've been wearing skirts/dresses to cope with the RAGING heat, and it's very nice to look at my broad hairy body and be like "hehe I look like a fella' even in 'girl' clothes"
(Also 💥👊 obviously being large and hairy isn't an exclusively masc thing, but uhh, society or something idk I'm not smart 💀) (also I didn't meet the time limit 12:04 moment 😔)
We truly need to bring back shit like crop tops for men. We have to reclaim the fashion we once wore!!! The spring and summers are too hot in my area to be worried about if something looks "manly" smh
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obstinaterixatrix · 10 months ago
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ex-coworker was like ‘I don’t know what that intern was talking about when she said you came across as cold, I’ve always felt like you have a warm personality’ & I was like. well you’ve never seen me when I was pissed off lol
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alagaisia · 1 year ago
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I’m reminded of that post about how goths and people who wear only lots of pink are actually the same because “wearing only one color” is a specific choice in opposition to just looking Normal
I’m flying to a friend’s wedding today, and I recently acquired from my neighborhood free page a very pretty vintage suitcase in like a brocade upholstery texture in all of my good colors, so of course I needed a coordinated airport outfit à la Midge Maisel. You guys don’t know me, but I usually dress very put together, in what my sister calls Outfits, with a capital O to distinguish it from just wearing clothes. And since getting a full time job I’ve been slowly adding to my collection of vintage and 50’s-vibes clothes, because I just really like that aesthetic (my bridesmaid dress for the wedding is a vintage tea dress I got from Etsy. The fabric is in great condition but I had to reinforce pretty much every seam with my sewing machine, because the structural integrity of the original thread was breaking down, so that was an interesting learning experience).
All of which is to say that I Dressed Up for the airport in a vintage-y outfit that coordinates perfectly with some of the colors of my suitcase, and my hair is curled, and I have a vintage leather purse that my grandma gave me that matches her watch that I’m wearing and the shoes she bought me last summer at the same vintage store that my skirt came from, and a teenage-ish girl with whatever you call the 2023 teenage equivalent of emo/punk vibes, like the dark maroon mullet and not a lot of makeup and dark comfy clothes but like, very on purpose, told me I look cool when I walked past on the way to security
And like, she Gets It! We have different fashion goals but I think we put a similar degree of intention into the way we look compared to just wearing regular clothes. Which is cool! It’s validating. Not that I really need validation, but it’s always nice to get compliments, of course. And the way I dress is really not terribly distinctive most of the time, other than being Outfits and a little dressier than maybe the norm is, like I think most people who see me one time in passing would see that I look Nice but not necessarily see it as a cultivated Look. But punk mullet girl gets it.
#struggled with not sounding *too* pretentious here#I don’t feel pretentious but I have a hard time talking about like. specific choices and things in any detail#like to my friends I just said what happened with a picture of my outfit and was like ‘and she gets it!’ and they were like ‘yeah!’#but to strangers I have to go into much more detail to get the point across#even though really it’s not like I’m putting all of that into it every day I just get up and go ‘i want to look nice today’#in accordance with my personal fashion preferences#and then having to explain those preferences like ‘my name is alagaisia midge maisel darkness way and I’m wearing vintage whatever’#i do look so cute though#i got these shoes last summer and then lost the heel cap off of one of them the very first time i wore them#finally took them in to have them fixed last week so I could wear them to the wedding#needed a deadline so that I would actually get around to it#i hate flying it’s really a testament of how much I love my friend that I’m flying#instead of driving ten hours to Nebraska#but it made more sense and to make sure i won’t be late or run into car trouble or anything#and I’ll stay looking nice right away instead of getting gross and sweaty in the car or having to change for bachelorette activities#i only know the bride so I’m definitely going to make a very specific impression on all of these strangers lol#i joked with my dad about adopting a trans Atlantic accent for the whole weekend just for shits and giggles#turns out you cannot do it over the top. have you ever listened to JFK’s ‘we choose to go to the moon’ speech#it’s very silly sounding#we had a good time saying things one might say at a bachelorette party in a goofy voice#‘we cho~ose to ohdah thihs maiule strippah… ahnd the othah things.. nawt becahse it is easyh..#but becawhse he is hahd’#highly recommend#mine#personal
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