#this is what im posting instead of frantically trying to get ppl to tell me That is real again lol

[ttransthirteen]

the way everyone acts about That gives me the most incredible mind reading paranoid you can imagine. Like uh. my brain is quite sure sometimes in a deep, deep, overwhelming subconscious way that everybody can communicate their emotions to each other like theyre genuinely connecting in a way im not and they all have a species wide fucking agreement not to talk about it unless someone brings it up first. bc its so powerful that once youve experienced it you understand why bringing it up to someone who doesnt know just isnt ok. the rule just is obvious and self explanatory once youre there.

[couch-house]

Wow people like that anon are why we need to be more educated about manipulation via self-destruction. We all need to understand and know that if we constantly, repeatedly "make" someone feel bad enough to consider harmful actions just through TINY contradictions it might just not be us and we don't have to put up with all the stress, discomfort, depression, etc. that comes from it. And sometimes it's really obvious when it's manipulation, it's not NEVER an option.

exactly bro. i’m gonna do something real fun and talk about my abuser, who did this for years! under the cut

so im just gonna come right out and say it so i dont gotta give him an epithet every time, but his name was dibby/dib. he goes by a different name now i think but from what ive heard it seems like ppl r familiar with him by that name as well. w/e for his privacy i guess ill just leave his current name out of it. anyway i knew and was friends with/dated dib for about 7 years before we cut each other out.

ANYWAY dib had/has legitimate mental health problems, yes, but he also chose to use those problems as excuses for his manipulative and abusive behavior. dib had bipolar and would experience dramatic mood swings. unfortunate but normal and okay! if you experience mood swings and suddenly feel overwhelmed by sadness or anger, you probably know that, if you recognize this as a disorder, you should let the people around you know, tell them how you’re feeling, and do what you can to manage the situation.  dib would instead say “oh no i feel a mood swing coming. :( quick, distract me!” which, again is a clumsy but fair way to handle that, EXCEPT when it inevitably failed to cheer him up, he would blame us for failing, call us bad friends, insist we didn’t care about him, and isolate to only talking with his favorite person (for a while that was me). 

when dib got upset he would blow up, block me for days or weeks, and then later when he calmed down and felt lonely he’d add me back with some half-apology and assume everything was fine again. here’s a list i kept of things that upset him and had this result! it was called “things not to do”

tell dib when [his gf] is streaming

fail to tell dib when [his gf] is streaming

ask dib if it’s okay to do things

talk to him when he’s feeling antisocial

offer critique when it isn’t asked for

ask dib not to do something

talk to him in the tags (when not friends)

spam things he doesn’t like/isn’t involved in ((the relevant examples are bug blogs, bunnies, and the pbs kids show arthur. not because they trigger him, just because he doesn’t like them))

talk about/mention people that are my friends that he doesn’t like

offer solutions when he just needs confirmation

make it about you

yeah. keep in mind every one of those bullet points corresponds to at least one time he either faked his own death or blew up and blocked me for a week.

the bigger problem though was his suicide ideation. dib had a pretty shit life and pretty shit mental health and unfortunately was legitimately depressed and suicidal. he needed help but, living in america, really couldnt afford it most of the time. this is okay. if you or someone you know is unable to get medical health for depression or suicide ideation you know how hard it is to live with. sometimes there’s not a lot you can do and that person will Just Be Depressed an just Want To Die and theres not a lot you can do to help, even if you try your best. that of course, is not the problem with dib. 

the problem was repeatedly, starting i think when i criticized him for pushing everyone away by insisting no one cares about him and not putting any effort towards others, would make some vague allusion to feeling suicidal and abruptly log off and stop answering messages. this can be an okay way to deal with yourself if you’re upset BUT. THE NEXT DAY, after i frantically thought he was going to Attempt and repeatedly messaged him to try to deter him, check on him, ask if he was okay (he really just went to sleep, which again is fine), he decided to PRETEND TO BE DEAD.  he told his gf and maybe one other person he was alive but threatened them to stay quiet and pretend he was dead or he WOULD commit. so his gf at the time had to play along and all of us then-kids were freaking out that our friend had died, only for him to decide later that he’d had his fun and he could now announce “no i just logged off for a little bit :)”

he did this. many times. make some allusion to wanting to attempt then abruptly stop answering messages, knowing what people would assume. (this was one of the pieces of testimony i did not include verbatim in that rk post: i was told rk would do very similar things; part of why i thought the post was necessary. ive lived through the other side of that and i dont want ANYONE else to). i think two separate times that he did this, i was sent home from school early because i was crying so hard (my best friend let me think i was responsible for his death. he did this on purpose. he did this repeatedly. thats fucked up)

one time he posted a supposedly queued suicide note post! and all my friends were terrified he’d died! so i remember someone anonymously messaged kylee henke asking for advice, and i (who at the time he was mad at and had already blocked) got fed up with it (again because he’d done this so many times and i knew by now that there was no point in getting upset, he was just doing it for sympathy or attention or w/e) and messaged his mom on facebook asking her to check on him. he was fine, just like. crying in his room. also sidenote he got BIG MAD that someone told his mom and was posting when he was found out liek WHO TOLD >:( n i was like :)). bc bro if ur really abt to attempt i have an Obligation to get someone irl to check on you and protect you. but obviously you werent since this was like the 20th fucking time youve done this 🙃

he was a huge pizza shit for other reasons too but the main relevant one was that he would use his mental illness as an excuse for his deplorable behavior and blame others for things literally no one can reasonably do anythign about and then constantly and i DO MEAN CONSTANTLY use his own life and suicide ideation as a trump card.

anyway if you know someone who repeatedly threatens suicide or pretends to commit suicide by purposefully alluding to it before ghosting you, or posting a suicide note meant to blame others, you need to get out of there right now. that is not okay and you should not be dealing with that. ive taken years to get used to the idea that if i criticize my friends, they won’t kill themselves

[harryisntstraight]

Sorry that was so long i just am feeling very confused about how i identify and i thought maybe you would have some advice or be able to help me out a little? You're always so sweet and kind and im feeling very lost atm. Sorry about only 2 of the asks going through tumblr didnt eat them my phone was just not letting me send them so i had to switch to my computer. You can just read all the asks and reply to just this one on your blog if thats ok? :)

aaww hey i’ll post the rest under a readmore so it doesnt clog ppl dash (soz if ur reading this on mobile jfhsdjh) also i posted the rest of ur ask just bc i feel like there might be ppl who resonate w the whole thing yanno

I've known I liked girls for a few years now and I've always labeled myself as bisexual and I have dated one guy and it was a pretty eh relationship. Didn't feel much so I broke it off. I recently have been really questioning my attraction to men. I feel sexually attracted to some men but not that many. I'll see the occasional guy I find attractive irl but that's pretty rare mostly I find some celebrity men hot but even that is very few when compared to the amount of women I find attractive I just feel like I find all women so beautiful and am attracted to them in this whole different way to men? Like it takes a lot for me to find a guy hot and when I do it's almost never to the degree that I feel for women. And when I think about men romantically it does nothing for me all the cute stuff you're supposed to want I don't? I can think about sex with certain men and find it very appealing and that's it. But when I think about dating a woman and doing really cute mushy stuff with her it feels so right and makes me feel like its all i want? And I can see myself having a wife and being with a woman forever but men just dont really appeal to me in that way i just cant see it? Thing is I've never actually dated a girl so i keep telling myself im kind of making it up in my head how much i want it or how it could be but idk. And i feel sexually attracted to some guys so i think oh but maybe there will be a guy you want all that with? and i just dont know anymore?

firstly hiiii i relate so much to so many things u said here and i feel like this such common experience for women that are into other women. i think for me personally, i’ve always kind of been quite into the idea of not labelling my sexuality specifically. i feel really comfortable with using labels like gay or lgbt or queer as umbrella terms when talking about myself, but referring to myself as bisexual or lesbian never really feels 100% right for me. like you said, i know that i’m attracted to women romantically and sexually so i definitely identify as being lgbt i just always find it difficult to point to one precise label thats more specific. i think in a way, a lot of what your describing is probably down to heteronormativity and a degree of internalised homophobia, like its something that we all have to battle with and deal with daily even on a subconscious level. when being same gender attracted is still seen as ‘abnormal’ i think its only natural to feel weird about that part of yourself and want to repress it slightly. i think being a woman as well we’re so defined by our supposed attraction to men that its hard to get over that and accept that it’s something you dont feel. even if you know if ur heart that loving women is a natural and beautiful thing, when ur constantly surrounded by a society thats so focused on heterosexuality it can be so difficult to accept that part of you no matter how much you want to. i cant tell you how you identify or what the right label is for you but i think just being open and not pressuring yourself into fitting one specific label can actually be really helpful and take a lot of the stress and anxiety away. i think once you stop frantically trying to put a name to what you feel, it gets easier to just....Feel(tm) what youre feeling and sort of go with the flow. not second guessing and analysing my attraction has honestly helped me a lot, if i feel something for someone i sort of just feel it. i try not to get caught up in putting a name on my sexuality, but instead just experience it as it happens. i think its a really natural thing to want to understand yourself and figure out who you are but honestly, you have so much time to do that that if you cant figure it out right now then its not that important. i think as long as you acknowledge your attraction to women and are open to exploring it then not knowing for sure whether or not you also like men isn’t a big deal. i definitely think that experience is helpful to understanding yourself better, once you have that experience it does help solidify things in your mind and i know for myself that once i started being with girls i became 100000% more sure that i wasnt ‘faking’ anything and that i was into them. that being said, it isnt mandatory and not having experience with the same sex doesnt by any means devalue your feelings or sexuality. long story short just give it time, dont stress yourself out too much with forcing a label that you’re unsure about. things will get clearer for eventually and maybe someday you’ll find a label that fits you. and maybe you wont and honestly thats okay too. sexuality is complex as hell and understanding yourself is genuinely a journey, it’s totally okay if you’re only just getting started. hope this helped a bit, love you 💖