#this is what i mean when i say that writing 10k words for school wasn't tough if i knew what the fuck I'm writing about

[spark-circuit]

me writing a hypothetical short story with my funny main four Lob Corp Captains team (of them dealing with a Pink Shoes possession), leading into them really digging into their dynamics and goals (Rema sees them as a family and it's implied the others do too - even Nine), leading into meta-narrative on the City (Nine musing about what constitutes 'freedom' in the City), looping back into the usual chicanery they're known for (Nine helping an injured Rema up after the fight, Rema teases him about having emotions for once, Nine promptly getting annoyed and dropping his injured ass back on the floor). it is 4:22am where i am btw :)

[aki-shun]

«Once and for all»

First of all, my native language is not English and if I make a mistake, please let me know. No Male Reader as there will be no NSFW in this article. Only my NSFW articles are for Male Reader. Other articles are for GN Reader. If you want a non-NSFW Male Reader, specify in your request. 10k words ^^;

for;@fuzzybonefluffy I hope you like it. It was bad but I tried. If you want more I will write ^^

WARNING: kissing, abduction, imprisonment, dark content, yandere, tear licking, Dead Dove:Not Eat???

You were walking down the hall with the club card Crowley had given you. Now that you're a student at NRC, you had to join a club. Grim had joined the Spelldrive Club, but you didn't want to join it. You didn't have magic and you couldn't use that swirling plug-like thing. Fortunately, Crowley let you join another club. Otherwise, if you'd stayed there, you'd just have to do the errands and errands and gosh you don't want that. You look at the list in your hand. On the list were all the clubs that existed in the School and how many they were. As you looked through the list, you noticed something..

Gargoyle Studies Club = 1 person.

1 person? Isn't that a little bit few? Why only 1 person? These questions piled up in your mind and you looked at which class this club was in and headed there. You were looking at other clubs on the way there. No magic required.

You finally arrived at the door of the classroom and knocked on the door. It was quiet for a while. Maybe that 1 person didn't come to the club, who comes to the club where he is the only person?

You can come.

Voice came. You didn't expect this. You slowly opened the door and stuck your head in first. You glanced around the classroom and saw the figure standing next to a large boulder(?) and facing your side. You entered the classroom and moved towards its direction and noticed it as you got closer. This guy had horns?! And how tall is this guy?! It's at least 2 meters tall! He was looking at you with calm and cold eyes, but not that cold. With some soft lakes, but the aura it emitted made it hard to spot. You swallowed and the words came out of your mouth in an instant.

I-ı want to join your club.

Actually, you didn't mean to say that, you didn't know what to say when that person was looking at you with such a strange and somewhat reactionary expression. As soon as you said that, his eyes widened and he was visibly surprised. It was quiet for a few seconds, maybe minutes. But the expression looking at you hasn't changed. You're starting to feel nervous—you've been nervous all along, it's only increasing. You couldn't take this pressure any longer and spoke up.

Can I join?

He seemed to come to himself when you said that, and suddenly he said

Of course.

And this is how you met.. A few days later, you started meeting at night. We'll talk about Gargoyles at first, but as time went on things turned into more friendly ones. As your intimacy grows to him, how you are from another world, your adventures with the Aduece couple and Grim, Azul's seizure of your dorm and inviting him to VDC. That last one was what cut off the strings.

After VDC, the way his looked at you had changed. Darker and more wishful. The words he used had changed, making him more attractive. Whenever you looked at him, he had a really handsome and beautiful face. His skin was pale and smooth—you had not yet had any sensual contact with him, visibly. Their hair was silky and they floated effortlessly in the wind. He was perfect in every way, HE'S FLAWLESS.

And it blinded you.

A few more nights and now he was flirting with you and all kinds of phrases everywhere with no secrecy.

Something wasn't right, but you were under his spell. Every look he makes towards you, that look that looks right into your eyes, right into your soul. You've never experienced anything like this in your life, nor what to do. From the moment you started that club, there was always some distance and coldness. Maybe it wasn't, but you didn't understand it because of the aura he was emitting. But as time went on, you saw his softer side. His smile, his little laughter, that soft sincere look he looks at you, the occasional compliments he gives you… It couldn't be that bad. He was good and kind, only the rank he was in would be a future king and rule a country and he was also a dormleader, which of course shouldn't be like that with everyone. That's why he was so cold to you at first. He's not like that.

You responded to his flirtations. You let him look at you however he wanted, talk to you however he wanted, let him touch you however he wanted. You let him do whatever he wanted to you. Those around you warned. You didn't listen. They do not know. They don't know that soft side of him. You know. They don't know his heartwarming laugh. You know. They don't know the beautiful smile that adorns his face. You know. They don't know how lonely he is. You know. They don't know how kind hearted he is. You know. They don't know the other side of it. You know.

You know. You know. You know. You know. You know. You know. You know. You know. You Know. You Know. You Know. You Know. You Know. You Know. You Know. You Know. You Know. YOU KNOW. YOU KNOW. YOU KNOW. YOU KNOW. YOU KNOW. YOU KNOW. YOU KNOW. YOU KNOW. YOU KNOW. YOU KNOW. YOU KNOW. YOU KNOW. YOU KNOW. YOU KNOW. YOU KNOW. YOU KNOW.

He just showed you. Not to others. Just you. His lover.

What a absurdity!

Crowley said he was close to finding your way home and that you might be back in your world perhaps in a few weeks.

What would you say to him? He will be alone again. You cannot leave him. You love him! RIGHT!Right?R-right..

right...?

You… you thought you liked him. Of course you like him, but is this love? If he wants something, you do it. If he speaks, you listen. You joke, sometimes you eat together, you go out and do activities together. Just like everyone else does, just like every friend does. Friend. Friend?

Come to think of it, did you really feel anything while he was holding your hand? Or kissing you? When he refers to you as '[nickname(love, darling, my thorn, my King/Queen or what you want)]'? Did you really feel anything? To be influenced. But this is not love?! Just a strange interest, a strange acceptance. Not love.

This everything but not love.

NOT LOVE.

NOT LOVE.

NOT LOVE.

NOT LOVE.

This is not LOVE.

You are here again. Where you first met him. You are both silent. You looked at him to talk to him and he was already looking at you. This scared you a little, even though he was looking at you with that innocent smile. That didn't stop you from being uncomfortable. You began to compose yourself and swallowed slowly but silently that he could hear you.

Malleus, I need to tell you something.

You didn't call him by the nickname you gave him. This faded his expression a little.

Yes [nickneme], what its it?

His voice was a little hard.

I.. I want to break up..

You don't look at him when he says this, but you can feel the air suddenly condense and put pressure on you.

Tell again..!

His voice was not the same as before, authoritative and harsh.

I don't think we for each other.

...

...

...

Silence. There was only silence. Fortunately he broke the silence. Or if it didn't break at all.

Did your other stupid mortal friends put that thought into your head?

NO!

You looked up into his face in denial, and God I wish you hadn't. His eyes were dark. Outside it was covered with dark clouds resembling rain clouds and there was not much light inside the room. Green lightning bolts began to flash, making him look darker because the window was behind him, but… His eyes were a brighter green than even lightning. Fear took over your entire body. A voice was screaming for you to escape, but the thunder was so loud that it was inaudible.

Malleus. Please don't get me wrong, but I guess my feelings aren't quite like yours. I mean, I don't see you as more than a friend.

*CRAK* A lightning strikes the window.

Your fear grows. You start to back away with shaky steps, but it comes closer to you with bigger steps. When you see this, you run towards the door with your fastest run, but before you can catch the doorknob, he grabs the doorknob. His body was right behind you and he was holding the doorknob with his left hand, while he rested his right hand on the door. He had you trapped. You started to tremble. He brought his face close to your left ear. His breath touched your ears and neck. He pulled his right hand out of the door and wrapped it around your waist, pulling you towards him. His grip was hard, and as far as you could tell by the grip, you couldn't get rid of it. You had nowhere to move.

I don't know why, but your feelings for me have atrophied a bit. If I didn't give you enough attention and love, you could only say that. Then these stupid thoughts wouldn't have entered your head.

No. I -

I guess I should revive the fading love you must have for me.

Green flames began to emerge from his hand on your waist. After that, it's dark.

When you wake up, you're in a familiar room, but you don't want to wake up. His room. You looked around and it was not in sight. I think you woke up earlier than he anticipated. You wanted to head for the door, but the door wasn't where it should have been. You looked all over the room, there was a thick railing of bikenes in the crevices, but there was no door. You felt the walls, but there was no sign of the door. Or was this not his room?!

There is no door anymore, don't search in vain.

You heard his voice behind you. It's like the last one you heard, but it sounded like he was having some fun. You turned towards him and you were right. He had a mocking grin on his face. He started to approach you, you wanted to get away, but you couldn't move because of the wall behind you. He put one hand on your waist and the other on your chin, making you look at him. The expression on his face hadn't changed, on the contrary, it had grown even more.

[nickname]. You may underestimate us fairies, but we don't have feelings for everyone like you humans. We carefully choose the lovers we will spend centuries with for our long life. You are the right person for me. You are the person who should be with me. I'm the person who should be with you. Not someone else. Only you and me. We are for each other.

You don't know what to say to these words. Your mouth was as dry as your mind and just like your soul from the words. You noticed when he got here. He didn't need the door to get into the his room. You needed it to get out. Even if you didn't notice, your eyes were filled with tears and you started to cry. He smiled, maybe even chuckled a little, but you just barely noticed. He licked your tears and kissed your eyes. Then a soft kiss on your lips. Ahh how soft they were. You loved kissing them just because they were. Not because you love Malleus. Because they are soft and gentle. You would think this was true. But it wasn't..

He slowly moved towards your neck and said in a tone you'd never want to hear again.

Let's rekindle our love that will last more than 1000 years~

I've been writing for 5 hours ಥ◡ಥ

[hyukassubi]

🎟️ Meet me at the shore ⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡ ⋆

Pairing: Huening Kai x Fem!Reader

Content/Tags: best friends to.... Still best friends 🫶🫶, fluff, reader is a writer, Huening Kai is a ball of sunshine, beaches, bookstores, best friends reunite

Summary: You're burntout as hell a month going into your author career. You can't pinpoint exactly why, but for all you know, you don't want to continue like this forever. That's until your childhood best friend knocks on your door, suggesting to spend the day off together with you. Really, how can you say no to Huening Kai?

Genre: fluff. Some bittersweet moments, but mostly fluff 🫶🫶

Warnings (?): Mild cursing here and there, bullying, reader feels lonely at times, burnout, otherwise nothing too explicit

Wc: 10k+ <33

Dedicated to: All the burnt out fanfic writers out there who need a little bit of cheering up!!

Taglist! @kaisdefender

| Masterlist | Moodboard | Playlist |

i.

When was the last time you felt happy?

You immediately knew the answer to that.

A month ago, your dreams came true. Your world came to life. What started as a small project turned into something much, much larger. And now, your novel is out there for readers to feast their eyes upon. 

Seeing this word document become a book, and then holding it in your hands, it was like holding a newborn baby for the first time. Sparks rushed through your body like fireworks, screaming ‘we did it, we made it.’

And then a month passes by, and all the sparks were just… gone.

The rush that coursed through your body from publication and stuff just... it wasn't there anymore.

You spent the month taking a break from writing. After all, Hyuka did recommend you to take things easy. And you did. You didn’t write for a whole month, even when the urge to spam words on google docs came itching inside your brain. 

So. Why instead of feeling rested, you were restless? Thumping the heel of your foot over and over again, biting your lip while staring at a random corner in your living room.

Now comes the big question of 'what's next?'

You stared into the distance. It was twelve in the afternoon and you're on your couch doing absolutely nothing.

You shook your thoughts off, forcing yourself to scan the room. This room- this apartment- you've always wanted to own in the future.

The couch that felt more like resting on a giant maltese cat, the shelves of books you've collected over the past decade, the balcony outside where your favorite small coffee table resided. There, you can look down at all the google corporate workers having a miserable day as you write your next best seller.

You love this place so dearly. You knew that well in your head. But you didn't feel it, for some reason. Not now, not anymore. Even if you're forcing yourself to right now.

Rest, Y/n

You repeat Hyuka's words in your head.

Take it easy, okay?

You had emails to reply to today. 

You had to keep going. Just because you aren't writing doesn't mean you're jobless.

You exited your living room. 

The more cooped up you were there, the more tense you'd feel.

That's when you noticed, at the corner of your eye, a caller by the name of Hyuka was, well, calling you.

You picked up, "Hyukaaa, how've you been?"

Huening Kai is your best friend, the only guy who can make you smile, the only person you share your projects to. The both of you have been at it since high school, and you have always kept in touch since then.

He whined, "Y/n, I've called you so many times. Why didn't you pick up?"

You checked your phone.

11 miss calls from Hyuka

You paused, your shock evident in the short moments of silence. "Did something happen? Were you injured during practice-?"

"Nah, I was just bored."

This guy.

"Oh. Sorry I... slept in." You lied.

And Hyuka knew it. "It's not like you to sleep in. Miss calls? Yes, you don't want distractions when writing. Sleeping in? No. Hot girls don't ‘sleep in’."

"You really had to call me out like that huh? But yeah uh I guess today wasn't so..." You couldn't finish your sentence. You didn't know how to. In all honesty, it wasn't just today you felt this way.

"Y/n?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you okay?"

"...Yeah?" 

"No you're not."

You clicked your tongue. "Bruh."

Hyuka wheezed, and you did too.

Then the both of you balled out laughing. 

It wasn't even funny, not at all. 

Hyuka's laugh was just contagious.

After calming down a little, you proceeded, "Okay, yeah maybe I'm not."

“Hmm. Is it because of debut?”

You thought for a moment.

You can't just not write, even though you know taking a break is what you need before getting into a burnout but you got into a burnout anyway and now your life feels short lived and meaningless and what was this all for again?

You sighed. "I don't know."

Hyuka hummed on the other end of the line. 

You could picture him nodding at your profound words. You wish he was actually here. Just calling him makes you happy, but you'd definitely feel a lot better if he was actually next to you talking about... literally anything.

You didn't expect him to say anything.

You didn't want to pressure Hyuka to listen to your venting sessions regardless. He just wanted to hop on in because he was bored, after all, you don't want to put all this sudden weight on him.

What you also didn't expect was for Hyuka to leave the call without a word.

No goodbyes, no nothing.

Just a beep, and then silence encapsulated the whole room.

A grueling three seconds passed by.

You... plopped onto your chair. Your heart nothing but... it's nothing. It's empty. Hollow. Everything's so fuzzy and quiet. Way too quiet.

You got back to work, trying not to make a big deal out of it.

Ten minutes later, a voice sounded from behind y- wait you live alone-

"Y/n! Pst!"

Who the hell says pst when they're yelling from your front door? You got out of your bedroom and made your way to-

"Hyuka? What are you-"

Donut sunglasses rested on Huening Kai's hair like eggs on a nest, a funky piece of accessory for his rather plain white button up and black khaki pants.

All negative thoughts from before evacuated your headspace. You held in your laughter.

Your fashionista blew you a kiss.

You caught it and blew one back. "What's with the… dunkin donuts aesthetic outfit?"

Hyuka didn't answer your question. He's smiling from eye to eye, and you kinda felt grateful to have someone this happy to see you. 

He bounced up and down his heels, fiddling with the strap of his backpack. "I know this is all unexpected, so, sorry if I’ve interrupted you by any chance-"

"No. No it's perfectly fine." You reassured him. "It's more than fine actually... its been a while since we've..."

"Met in person?”You raised your brows. “Yeah, it's been a couple months, but we call each other pretty much everyday anyway, right?"

"Yeah?"

"Yeah.” Huening Kai walked closer to you, as if letting you in on a secret. “I thought maybe it would be better if we could hang out together."

You blinked.

He blinked back.

You blinked a couple more times. "Today?"

"Yeah, right now." Then he got on his knees and hugged you, locking your legs together. He's still such a kid, you thought. "Please Y/n, it's been soooo long. I miss you so so much."

"I mean- I miss you too but... right now?"

He looked up at you, arms still latched. "Are you busy today?"

"..." 

Anything to escape emails, you thought. Anything. "Not really, no."

He got off of you and front rolled into your apartment, his sunglasses defying the laws of gravity, remaining stuck on his head. "Then let's go!" He jumped up and down, more vibrant than the power of a thousand beams of sunlight.

Perhaps it was the way he held onto you, or the way he smiled, or the way he made a grand entrance by frontrolling into your apartment from the doorway, but something just tickled your gut, and in a good way. All you knew was that your heart melted through your chest the way ice cream drips down the cone on a hot summer day, and you didn’t hate the feeling. It's been a while since you had someone… since you had someone.

You chuckled. "Where to?"

"I don't know!" Hyuka said helpfully. "And that's the fun of it!" He grabbed your wrist and ventured ahead of you further into your writing coven. "I'll help pack your things, just put on some good music and the both of us will be done in no time."

God, this man still really is a kid.

Til this day, you still question why he's still by your side. Even when you don't get to hang out a lot with him these days, somehow, the both of you just make it happen.

Through short texts or hour-long calls, not a day goes by without either of you hyping the other one up.

The moment he left the call earlier, the world pauses and your mind starts making up excuses. Bad wifi? Something came up in the studio? Were you bothering him? Your brain starts clogging up with all these possibilities that may not even be true. 

But, now he's here. Maybe this was his master plan after all? "You left me hanging on that call.... because you were secretly planning to do this?"

Hyuka stopped on his tracks. He had a lot going through his mind, even though he didn’t show it. What if you didn’t like this? What if he was bothering you? What if he’s just, simply, annoying?

At the end of the day, voices were just voices. He knew you wouldn’t get annoyed, he knew you never found him a bother.

He looks back at you like you, smiling dearly because you mean so much to him.

And he means so much to you, too. You both knew that. 

You smirked, now crawling to his side. "You know just how to make me feel better, huh?"

A low, short chuckle.

He held onto you tighter, and you held back.

ii.

You were a kid once, in highschool, all alone with nobody to talk to. Not a loser, but nowhere to belong. It wasn’t until the ninth grade, you found someone you care about.

While everybody sprinted out the door to go eat at the cafeteria or play outside or harass each other, you could be spotted sitting on your assigned desk, doing your own thing. The classroom seemed more tolerable that way. It didn’t matter if you missed out on drama, scandals, opportunities to develop deep connections with people. That all happens outside the classroom, and you want to keep things that way, even when you start feeling left out, it doesn't matter.

You're better off creating stories in the classroom by yourself rather than talking to anyone in this damned building. 

You can feel a keen pair of eyes still looking at you.

You prayed that whatever God up there would make this guy stop looking at you, it ruins your focus-

Oh. It was just Huening Kai, your seatmate. 

He was. Okay. He didn't give bad enough vibes to pick on you, at the very least. Or ask for self-inserts in your stories.

"You know, y/n, I am still so very confused why you’re constantly taking notes in class. I've never seen anyone this dedicated to using all their recess periods for studying."

Oh. So that's why his self-insert requests haven't been coming in.

Huening Kai is the type of kid to talk with everyone, and no, not just classmates. Literally everyone. You don't know how he does that without draining his energy. 

The both of you don't necessarily talk a lot, however, but considering he's your seatmate and all that, the weight of first impressions kind of just disappears on its own.

"I'm not studying, actually."

He said in a monotonous voice, "Oh. My God."

You hold your laughter at his shock yet deadpanned reaction. "Truth to be told, I am not in fact a hardcore nerd."

"Then what are you doing sitting around with, like, twelve thousand notebooks."

"It's just three extra notebooks."

"Close enough." Something about the way his eyes… sparkle… with intention, like he’s actually looking at you, with interest. It’s kinda like a child begging their dads to play outside and have some fun.

You pressed your lips into a needle-straight line.

You, a reserved writing machine, having fun with ... (you eyed Huening Kai) a corgi.

"... We could chill and talk about my mystery notebooks?" You shrugged your shoulders, suggesting the choice was up to him. He'd probably say no, you thought, I mean, usually people would not be interested in books and ask questions just to look polite and all-

"Okay." He smiled, sliding into his seat. "So, what are they for?"

You tidied your desk a little, making yourself look more 'presentable'. "These are for writing purposes."

"Writing stories?"

"Exactly, I write everything in my notebooks."

He grabbed your notebooks, looking at them in awe as if they were newly refined portraits from the Renaissance era. As long as he doesn’t open them, it’s all good. "Is it like a full length novel or short stories?"

"Both." You grabbed this one notebook in particular that was so thick it looked like a dictionary got a BBL. "This notebook in particular is for the novel."

"Really? This whole thing?"

You nodded.

Huening Kai couldn't stop making goofy gasping faces at your hell of a thick notebook. "What's it about?" He asked.

You take a deep breath, preparing yourself for the inevitable rambling that’s about to occur. "It's this historical piece where this ballerina, our main character, who comes from a low income family, dances to earn money. She catches the eye of the prince. This prince wants to learn to dance with her, to which the king and queen strictly disagree with considering that form of dancing is too 'feminine'." You pause right then and there before you unleash your inner sociology professor and ramble on and on and on and on about your fantasy worlds. "That's it. The plot is pretty simple, I know-"

"Ooooo I love dancing." He said the word ‘love’ with at least thirteen syllables.

You knew that, though. Everyone knows Huening Kai’s quite the dancer.

"Oh yeah? You think you'll really enjoy reading my book then?"

"Yeah, yeah! Ask me for any dancing advice if you need it for your book... wait never mind, I don't know anything about ballet..."

"That's alright-"

He turned a page. "May I read it right now?"

It was then you snatched your book from his hands, clutching it defensively. You wouldn't even let yourself re-read the first draft of your own novel. "What? No, it's not finished yet."

"But you'll take long to write it." He said not unkindly, putting his hands together as if praying to God. "I'll be patient, I promise."

Some part of you thought you'd regret the rest of your life giving anyone else your 'mystery notebooks'.

You took a look at Huening Kai, his puppy dog eyes staring back at you.

Does this man really look like he'll rip your baby into shreds? Or publicly read out your novel word by word to a sea of musically stars and pencil chewers?

His puppy dog eyes blink back at you. It really was like he had sparkles in his eyes, through that way-too-neat bowl cut his irises shone with… something unfamiliar. Something non-existing in your brain textbook.

"Hmm...”you pretended to think, ”you sure you like the premise of the book?"

He nodded furiously.

"You sure you'll be patient enough to see it til the end?"

Another aggressive nod.

"Okay, then it's settled, looks like I'm not-"

"Huening Kaiiii!" Some random guy- Hueing Kai's friend probably- sounded in the distance. A head popped out the door frame, "Huening Kai come here!"

Huening Kai and you exchanged a glance.

"Oh, uh, sorry y/n, I have to go now." He stood from his seat, and never would you've ever thought you'd wish to have someone stay by your side just a little longer.

"I'll talk to you soon, okay?" He stared at you a little while before rejoicing with his pals.

You waved him off, knowing in your head you won't be talking with him, or anyone, for the next couple of days.

And you were right.

You tried to not let this get under your skin.

---

Something about watching the way you shut the world out while writing makes you appear... quite mysterious. That's one way to put it.

But also unique. While everyone goes to make friends, you are ignoring studious lessons to keep up that writer grind. Even during boring classes, instead of sleeping over muffled lectures, you're wide awake writing stories. It's a cool tactic. Whenever Huening Kai looks at your direction, he now knows damn well you aren't jotting down the teacher's explanations, and it's hilarious to him, how slick you are.

It was an ordinary day like any other. The class was writing up biology notes.

Huening Kai was sitting next to you, you were sitting next to him. 

He pauses writing notes for a moment, taking glances at the girl next to him.

You're so cool, he thinks.

I want to talk to her some more. 

He looks over his shoulder during class again. 

Your hair drapes the entirety of your face as you wrote on your 'mystery notebook', pen gliding across the paper like pipe line icing on cupcakes.

This time, he pouts instead of holding back soft chuckles. But she's always writing.

It's so easy to spark up a conversation with other kids.

It's easy to not feel like a bother, to talk to people looking forward to talk to you. But, since you're always on your notebooks, he didn't want to disturb your laser focus, even when he feels like talking to you more than the others.

He sighed.

Huening Kai went back to his notes. 

If you aren't willing to talk with anyone, there's no reason for you to be talking to him.

His pen glided across the page with you in sync. 

So what? 

He wouldn't let your book destroy you and your potential friendship with him.

Recess is your golden hour for writing. So, imagine Huening Kai’s shock when he waltzes into the classroom to find you missing. 

It didn’t sit right with him, seeing you not sitting in your usual spot. It’s like a cat hasn’t returned home to their owner late at night. It makes their owner anxious, worry shooting the pit of their gut.

He walked out of the classroom to the schoolyard. He scanned the crowd. The sky was infiltrated by thin clouds, there were girls and boys, but no you.

At least, you weren't a part of the crowd.

You were sitting under a tree, contempt, writing that novel of yours.

The sight of you under that tree at uttermost peace, it made Huening Kai smile.

Hope you didn't mind a little company.

He approached you.

Your pen stops. 

You lock eyes with him.

Huening Kai brought a hand out. 

"We meet again."

And then you burst out laughing.

He stood there, head empty. Was his shirt back forward? Was his lips still stained from eating chocolate sandwiches? Was his hair a mess?

"We meet again? Usually it's like a hey or hello."

Huening Kai replayed it in his head again. 

Oh. 

Yeah that was unintentionally funny. A cool wave washed over his chest by then. Relief, sprinkles of pride. Joy. It was nice seeing you laugh, he guessed.

"Next time, I'll cartwheel my way under this tree." He teased, and you can't tell if he was being serious or not. "How about it?"

You looked up at nothing in particular for a moment. "Eh, not like you'll see me here again anyway."

"Why?" Huening Kai stood next to you now, connecting his spine with the tree trunk and then sliding down right by your side in a seating position completely different from you- his thighs on his chest while your legs sprawled out and free.

"I came here to write because of the ambiance," you faced forward to where the rest of the school resided, "but then, turns out, this is the ambiance." you pointed towards the crowd ahead.

You shut your book, a soft thud escaping its pages. 

Huening Kai's attention was right back at you, and he knew just the words to motivate you. "Hey, why don't you take the day off writing and talk to me?"

Huening Kai expected a chuckle, a death glare, or reluctance, a bit of something that goes like 'in what world do you think I'll ever let you– or anything else for that matter– put a halt on my creative prowess?'

You shrugged your shoulders and nodded along, "Sure, why not?"

That cool wave washed over his chest again, and it felt better the second time. He wasn't even trying to repress his lips from curling into a smile. You're just so... unbothered.

It's your loneliness that made him a bit more interested in you, how someone could possibly be the way you are. The way you bring yourself with calm confidence, your warm energy that makes him feel cozy and relaxed.

Or your dedication to your books. Your passion, your quietness, your warmth.

Or maybe Huening Kai didn't really need a reason. 

Your existence is a good enough reason.He just wanted to talk to you.

He hugged his shins, fiddling with his fingers. "You know, I haven't told you this but I think what you're doing is exceptional."

You rested your head on the tree trunk, looking at him in the corner of your eye. 

"You've already said that, actually."

He didn’t. He hadn’t And even if he did, what’s the problem with saying it again? "No, I said your book is great, and it really is, but like. You too, ya know?"

You sat quiet for a moment.

Those words, you received them a lot, from yourself.

Hearing them come from somebody else’s mouth…

Clarity rippled through your head, like those gentle waves that leave white seafoam behind, dissolving into the spaces between the speckles of sand on shore.

You chuckled.

You swung your hair behind your back with the flick of your wrist. "Of course I am."

Huening Kai wheezed, flicking his short hair in the breeze too. "Of course you are."

The both of you did model poses back to back.

You both were idiots. Idiots that go a little too well together, idiots that were meant to cross paths with each other.

"I think you're cool too." You started. "You're... funny. Vibrant. And," a solemn look casts over your face. There were so many good things to say about Huening Kai, and somehow, you were able to condense it into a few words. You blanked out, looking into a void, waiting for the right words to simmer to the surface."... you just might actually care."

If lightning could be struck on someone, and instead of agonizing pain, they felt an immediate consolation course through their body, then Huening Kai has just been abused by a thunderstorm. 

The relief in his chest, surging through like hands running down silk gloves. 

But also, sadness.

Even though Huening Kai has only actually known you recently, he wants to tell you that so many people care about you. He doesn't know precisely who, but... there has to be someone. 

Anyone.

Instead of saying any of that, Huening Kai chuckled. "Of course I do, I expect you to care about me too." His throat was getting tighter, and tighter.

Why hasn't anyone bothered giving you a second chance? Why do they just assume you liked being alone? Why haven’t they reached out to you sooner? 

No. Why didn't he reach out to you any sooner?

"Huening Kai?" Your voice was low and soft, nearly a whisper. "Mhm?" Huening Kai put on his best smiles.

"What if I told you I actually wanted to become a ballerina?"

Another bolt of lightning, and this time, it was a little more exuberant than the previous ones. "...Wait, that's just like..."

"The main character?"

"Yeah! Her! I can totally see you doing the curtsy." Was that even a ballet move? Huening Kai didn't know. He just knows you'd be a stunning ballerina. It fits. 

He can imagine you twirling your way across the room with elegance, then, performing on stage while the crowd roars, and then he'd... he was getting ahead of himself.

You chuckled, and there was... something off about the way you chuckled.

The way your eyes stuck on the ground. "Yeah, but then I quit."

Just when Huening Kai thought he found someone more like him, you shattered his credence. "Aw, no... why did you quit?"

"It's complicated."

"Tell me everything. I can't fathom how someone as determined as you just..." gave up like that, Huening Kai didn't say.

An indefinite look casted your face, looking into the void of the past. "It wasn't my choice. My parents got broke, like, really really broke when I was in sixth grade. It was to the point they had to put me into the foster care system, and I kinda just moved from house to house from there."

Huening Kai shifted closer to you. You know that feeling when you’re a little kid, you’d never think any of your family members would pass away? That’s the type of disbelief Huening Kai felt towards you, not that he couldn’t believe tragedies like these could happen, he just didn’t think it could happen to someone he loves, to you. 

"Were those other families nice to you?"

You chuckled, not unkindly, gaze shifting apart from Huening Kai’s. A reel of memories in a photographic fashion flashed before your eyes. 

You remembered the many adults that looked after you, how bitter it slowly grew the more you moved houses. 

The expressions on people’s faces when you’d make a family tree of sorts, for a project, and they see the saddest looking tree to ever exist– faces of strangers where mom and dad and daughter all don’t look the same. 

You told yourself it wasn’t a big deal. You kept telling yourself just that. "Yeah, but they only last a couple months. All of them do. As soon as I meet some random nice lady I call my 'mother', she's gone and another stranger awaits me at their front porch. It's exhausting, meeting so many new people like that. And it's so ironic, it's just." You looked at the crowd ahead of you for a moment. "If I can't even stick to a proper family, then how am I sure I'll remain friends with anybody?"

Huening Kai can't even imagine what it must be like- to not be able to do the things you love. "I'm so sorry... I mean, I talk with lots of people too but it’s different, that just sounds tiring." 

"It's alright, I guess I just... write so that... Like, I believe somewhere out there, my work is a reality, you get me? That, somewhere in this universe, I do exist as a ballerina with a loving family and a friend and... I'm sorry, that sounded so stupid out loud."

"No, it's not stupid." He had a lightbulb moment. He understood now, why you were the way you are. "You know what?"

"Huh?"

"I'm forcing you to join the dance club."

You blinked at the boy sitting next to you, because that's all you knew how to do at that very moment. 

"Huening Kai that's very nice of you but-"

"I'll suggest some ballet, to the club, I mean, from time to time," His words were a mess, just like his thoughts, but, point is, Huening Kai will make your dream a reality.

He will take it upon himself to make this the universe where you get to be a ballerina, so you won't have to exclusively exist as words on paper anymore. "I'm not sure how," he admits, "but I'll make it work." He stood now, taking his hand out. "I promise."

You stare up at his tall, determined figure. 

For once, you were genuinely speechless. You continue staring at his hand for an uncomfortable amount of time. "Well, that's quite ambitious of you."

"You still love ballet deep in your heart, especially if you're still writing about it. I want to help you, even if it isn't much..." Huening Kai racked his brain for anything that'll possibly convince you to join the dance club, "I mean... it's free...?"

You smirked, "Ahh yes that's the best part." And you shook his hand.

Huening Kai chuckled. Don't worry, if you had forgotten all the moves, we'll learn to dance together, he wants to say.

Don't think about the others, they'll probably watch and stare but their opinions don't matter, he wants to add.

We could dance together, the look on Huening Kai's face was more than enough to portray those words.

An all-too-familiar clanging noise ripped through the air. The school bell went off. Recess was over.

You sighed, getting up from the hard ground with Huening Kai's hand still in yours. "Come on, we gotta head back to class." You grabbed your notebook and let go of his hand, still walking close to him.

"Just tell me if you're interested," Huening Kai hoped you were, "and we'd be happy to have you there."

You gave him a small nod, "I will."

Huening Kai gave a small nod back, "Just call me Kai... or... Hyuka."

"Hyuka? That nickname is so adorable, wait-" You grabbed a notepad and pencil out of your cardigan pocket, "Do I have your consent to use your nickname as a potential character name for my future writing projects?"

So 'Kai' isn't a cute nickname, huh? Huening Kai chuckled. "Ooo, having a clone of myself sounds so chaotic, I love it.” Huening Kai had too many thoughts in his head, but he didn't mind the clutter. He promises that in this lifetime, as selfish as he sounds, you’ll both be dancing partners. In this way, he'll get to revive your love for ballet, and he won't have to dance alone anymore.

Huening Kai plopped down on the floor of the practice room, wiping his sweaty face off with a towel. A few girls gathered around him. They were dancers too.

He didn't really feel like talking to them, or anyone for that matter. He was beyond tired.

"Huening Kai!!" some random girl skipped towards him. 

Have we talked before? Have we met before? Wait, who are you? He didn’t really care, he didn’t want to know.

"You looked sooo good dancing just now!!" she screeched.

"Yeah right?!" Another girl butted in. "He's literally so hot."

"I wish I was as good as him." Another stranger sat beside him.

"And just as cute." The first girl added.

They all chuckled amongst themselves while Huening Kai sat right there fighting to breathe. They probably just joined the club to get to talk to him. Probably. Unfortunately.

Another girl walked in.

Blood pulsed in his ears. Huening Kai fought the urge to just walk right out the door-

Until he realized he knew this girl.

"Excuse me?” You looked at the tired boy. ”Uh, Hyuka? Are you okay?"

Huening Kai's face lit up, quite literally like electricity in a theater room just switched on back after a blackout. "Y/n?"

You eyed him, saying not unkindly: "Hot damn bro, look at you-"

"I know right???? Look at him!" One of the dance club girls interrupted.

You looked at that pick me with your typical resting bitch face. "Yeah, he's a sweating mess and you guys aren't helping.." You gave her a full body eye roll, then flapped your hand. "Move."

The girls did as they were told to. They gave you looks, but you didn't care. Huening Kai was the only one giggling.

You squatted in front of him, wiping his face clean like a puppy just hopped out of the bath. 

Some girl whispered not too quietly, "I wish I could touch him like that." 

You and Huening Kai positively heard her, and that just made the both of you red in the face from trying so hard to hold in your laughter.

"There," You still tried hard not to burst out wheezing, "all clean. Go drink some water."

"I did though."

You grabbed his bottle. "More."

Huening Kai's eyes were somewhere else, but he was definitely still talking to you. "Why are you here anyway?"

You set the bottle down.

"Thought I'd give modern hip hop a shot," You said.

He wanted to hug you right then and there. 

He gave you the brightest smile he could muster, and you copied him.

It’s like magic. The moment you entered the room and took care of him, his energy is back to its maximum capacity. 

And just like that, he was on his feet again. "Come on, let's dance together."

iii.

The bus ride to the beach was anything but quiet.

The bus was a cute thing. It was petite, teal, not so crowded. And the windows were wide open, allowing you to view the wonderful rows of shops outside. There were florists, fruit stations, kitten shelters, aligned shoulder to shoulder with each other, settling down for off-hours. The 4 pm Sun dipping down the skyline, blasting subtle hints of yellows in the sky.

The bus came to a halt.

But… (you looked up) this isn’t the beach…

Huening Kai got off the bus before you. “Thought we’d stop by here first before going to the beach.”

You nodded along, your focus however was entirely on the bookstore, looking at it like a painting in an art museum. But the words that left your lips didn't portray your enchantment of this building bestowed upon you. "Hyuka, are we really gonna go here..."

If anything, you sounded bored.

Hyuka faced you, not disappointed, not surprised. "Don't you love bookstores?" He knew you love bookstores, how wouldn't he know that?

"You said we're heading to the beach."

"Oh- yeah that can wait." He grabbed your hand. "Come on, have you been here before?"

You followed along. "Not here, no."

"Me neither." He smiled his cute smile. "Explore we shall!"

We shall indeed, was what Hyuka expected you to say. You shook your head instead, stopping at the entrance. "Hyuka, no, I won't go in there."

Huening Kai eyed you suspiciously again. "Ouch. Okay. But like. Why?"

You took a step back. "We should just head to the beach, somewhere both of us could have fun."

It finally clicked in his head, why you don't want to enter such a place. "Hey, you think just because we're in a bookstore I won't have any fun?"

He was right. "Well... yeah, I guess."

Huening Kai walked up to you at his own pace. There's something about the way he's looking at you that's just... it was off. But a good kind of 'off'. Like it was a hidden intention to it.

He says, "Artists support artists, remember?"

Your breath hitched.

A long lost memory resurfaced in your head.

---

At the end of every school day, you’d walk out the class putting on a tune on your phone. The bus ride home was noisy as is, you got to block those around you out. 

You’d put on any song. Hip-hop, indie, vapor trap, anything you felt like listening to at the moment. Any tune that would spark creativity for a new writing piece, something to distract you for the time being.

Today, however, as you stood under the bus stop, you turned the volume down.

It was raining, a light drizzle. It was the softest of pitter-patters, a delicate thing. Like each drop was a unique tune of its own, and you were enchanted by its melody.

Sometimes, perhaps the life around you is more beautiful than you make it up to be.

Something bothered the harmony, splashes that seemingly grew louder...

You took your headphones off, looking to the side.

Huening Kai’s head down, sluggishly making his way through the empty street drenched in rain..

He didn't even bring an umbrella! You clicked your tongue, not necessarily disappointed, but very much concerned. "Hyuka, come here. It's me. And only me."

Huening Kai looked up. The moment he recognized you, he walked just a teensy bit faster. You chuckle at him. He looks just like a corgi walking his way to you.

"Huening Kai, you're a wet mess. Do you have a towel on you?"

Huening Kai didn't respond, not a single word. 

He just sniffled.

"Hey... Hyuka?" 

The sight of Huening Kai in front of you, puffy eyed and hiding, trembling in fear.

Your gut twisted. "Who is it? Did one of those girls bother you? Which bitch do I need to come after tonight?"

Huening Kai shot up a glance at you so violent he almost toppled over. "WHAT?!- No-" and then in a much softer voice, "No, it's... not about them."

"Just because it isn't specifically them doesn't mean I'll leave my kill list empty." Behind all this determination, your heart stung so bitterly, so dense, all because of the sight right in front of you: The happiest boy you know pouting in front of you, shoulders sagged, a sobbing mess. Eyes red and puffed in horror because of something vile he must've experienced. 

And you weren't there to protect him.

You felt so bad, so guilty that you weren’t there for him.

But you’re here now. And you’ll hear him out til the end.

"It's the boys. My friends." He continued, voice so low as if those same 'friends' of his were right there next to him.

Your one and only Hyuka, you failed to protect him. 

What were you doing instead? Listening to your spotify playlist on loop?

You cursed at yourself. "What did those guys do to you?"

"Made fun of me." Hyuka laughed. He laughed and it hurts so so much to see him laugh right now because you know damn well he's only doing that because he's hiding his pain thinking it’ll bother you. As if he is bothering you. "I tried to push it off but..." Another chuckle, only this time his voice croaked and more tears spill out.

You held his hands, so he won't have to fiddle and pick on his fingers anymore. So they would feel even just a little bit more at ease in yours. "Aw Hyuka- it's okay. I mean this is not okay but..." You too were a mess, looking for the right words.

Y/n! You're a writer, think! You paused for a moment.

Speak from your heart.

"Hey, Hyuka? Look at me."

He looked at you, and the sight of his face bore into your head, and not at all in a good way.

"Let's sit down, yeah?"

Huening Kai sniffled some more. "But I'll get the seat all wet."

"That's fine, that’s not a problem at all, I'll cross my fingers and hope the seat won't get cleaned, so the next person to sit on it are those same boys who made fun of you."

Huening Kai sat down, but he wasn't laughing.

The pain he felt, the guilt you felt, it's all completely unimaginable. And it's not like you even know the whole story yet.

It's so easy to let the words out on paper, but in real life? Your body kinda acted on its own, you don’t know what you’re doing, what you want to say. The words just came out, and, you just, did it.  "Here... come on-"

Huening Kai flinched, eyes wide and pure. 

He’s scared, and you didn’t expect that to hurt you so much. "No, I don't want to hug you, you'll get wet and sick, too."

You scoffed. "So?"

He blinked, and for a couple seconds he didn't know what to do, whether to keep pressing on the fact he's fully soaked or take a step back.

It was then he chose not to go with either of those options.

He squeezed you to death.

The rainwater seeped into the fabric of your uniform, you couldn’t care less. You clutched onto Hyuka tight, worried that the slightest breeze will push him away and you'll never get to see him again. He continued sobbing into your shoulder.

"Okay." You patted his back. "Okay, tell me everything."

"The boys- I was- We were just talking and then I brought up that I'm taking dancing seriously and want to be an idol when I grow up and... they made fun of me for it. Maybe they were just joking around but... I didn't think of it that way. I feel stupid for-"

"No, this isn't stupid, they are. They have no right to make fun of you." The irony of it all.

Huening Kai, known for his smashingly good looks and cute demeanor, known for being a bubbly ray of sunshine, praised for his talents and social skills and dancing- oh especially dancing- was being made fun of because he wants to become an idol? "I think there's nothing wrong with you for wanting to be an idol." You let go of the hug, but still sat close to him. "Nothing at all."

Huening Kai looked around. He looked anywhere else but you. He just couldn’t, he just couldn’t. "It feels... I don't know. I just... sometimes I don't believe I could make it, too. Regardless of my friends making fun of me."

You took a deep breath, slinging an arm over his shoulders. "I know." You chuckled, the look in your eyes now reminiscing the distant past, that is, your middle school years.

Only this time, Huening Kai turned his head. "Hm?" Even while crying, he’s still an angel.

"I know what that's like." You rephrased. "People also don't believe I'd make it as a writer, but it's people like that who probably only have money-related goals anyway, right?"

He nodded, letting your words sink in.

"At the end, we all die in the same coffin, and, I believe when that time comes, money doesn't measure someone's life well lived, but instead, their happiness. If being an Idol makes you happy, please, by all means go for it. And then, the good people in your life will stick around and be there for you." You stuck your thumb out, pointing it in your direction. “Like me. Let me be your biggest fan, other than yourself.” There was no lie in your words, only compassion.

For a while, nothing happened.

The raindrops continued drumming the street, the salty taste still looms close. 

Your arm is still rooted along Hyuka’s soggy shoulders. You can hear him breathing deep breaths, long and draggy, very much needed breaths. 

He brought his head up, looking at you. Still trembling whether it's from the boys, the rain, hell, maybe even you but he’s trying. 

Once your gazes meet, something far deeper than words can portray settled in hos eyes– admiration."You're very smart."

You smiled all smug. "Of course I am, a genius like me only shares their knowledge to those I find worthy of trust." You leaned closer to him by then, digging a finger into his chest.

"You're also a bit over dramatic sometimes."

You clicked your tongue.

This dude. 

"Hey-"

"I'm kidding!" Huening Kai wiped his tears away. "But it's true though."

The two of you chuckled, and for a moment, you both were just two goofs again, just tiny little specks of dust pre-existing in this vast universe. 

That.

That feeling right there was, somehow, comforting.

Huening Kai's hand flipped over, reaching for something- your hand. "Okay," he grasped it firmly, "I'll go for it. I won't let my friends tell me what to do with my life."

It didn't matter if anyone was watching you guys. They, too, are also just little specks of dust in this big, big world. "Hell yeah, that's great. That's fantastic, actually." You gaze at Hyuka, making sure he knows that if no one's proud of him, not even himself, you got his back. "I will cheer you on until the end, I promise."

"Good to know." Hyuka couldn't thank you enough. There's just too many words to say.

Huenin Kai wonders why you haven't laughed at him yet, or degrade him or something. Anything. And looking at you now, he knows the answer as to why.

You truly, truly believe in him. 

Huening Kai never knew a person like that could exist, someone who is completely different from you, yet, they get you all the same.

"I'll cheer you on for sure." He meant those words the most, more than any 'thank you' ever could.

It was then you brought out your fist. "Artists support artists."

Huening Kai fist bumped you, thinking to himself that sad, rainy day,

She's so cool, I’ll love her to death.

---

Huening Kai brought up his fist.

You smirked at him. "Artists support artists." Your fist clashed into his. 

You thought, I'll definitely add this to one of my books.

The bookstore was entirely made of wood: The shelves, the floor, the staircase. It even left this woody scent while also maintaining this fresh, indie vibe.

"What book did you get y/n?" Hyuka strolled next to you, side by side walking in between random isles with no sense of direction, kinda like a prince and princess strolling down a courtyard.

You shrugged your shoulders. "I don't know, I think I might want to try out some romance though."

You had peculiar taste. Everything about the novel you bought didn't have to be perfect, no, however, if it didn't speak out to you, if it didn't remind you of you, there's a high chance you'll not buy it.

So imagine your surprise when Hyuka pulled out a random book from a random shelf at a random aisle suggesting you should give it a read. "What about this one?" He scanned the summary, "Err, some high school girl and high school guy fall in love."

You snatched the book from him, the cover so glorious and extra and fancy, it was so made for you. "Hyuka, I love you so much." It had to be on your bookshelf, right now.

"Hehe, I know.” He flipped his hair like the genius he is. “What should I get?"

You look at him with that look. That look that says ‘but I thought you don’t like reading?’ "You're also getting something?"

Huening Kai nodded. "I want to get into reading too, a little, just for you."

You eyed him, and you can tell, he knows just what you're gonna say. 

"Read my book then."

"But, y/n." He whined, to which you gave him your evil writer smirk. You know, the face you make after writing an unexpected character death scene which leads to your readers coping by posting to their shattered-hearts desire on multiple social media platforms, bonus points if it's the love interest you're killing off!! "I don't need to read it,” He complained,”I know everything already!"

He isn't wrong.

You didn't write your novel all on your own.

You contacted Hyuka all the time for a reason. When brilliant ideas shoot you like an RK62 rifle, Hyuka is the first person you ramble about it to, and poor poor boy has to sit there listening to all your rambling.

Or on the flip side, when you're having those slower writing days, you hit him up too, and he comforts you through those uninspired time periods.

So it doesn't necessarily surprise you when Hyuka told you he hadn't bought your book. He did know everything about it, things that didn't make it to the final cut, the things that did, the ugly first couple of drafts.

There was no point in reading it, you thought. "You're not wrong."

Hyuka looked elsewhere, head in the clouds. "Hm. I'll read it anyway."

"Seriously? I was just joking, you know." No, you weren't. "You could read literally anything else. What about some romance? Or high fantasy?"

"Nope, I'm sure now, I'll read your book." Hyuka pressed on. "It's yours after all, you wrote it, and if I liked listening to you talk about it, then I think I'll enjoy reading it, too. Now..." He clutched your hand, jogging down the aisle without warning. "Let's go find that book."

iv.

At the beach, you thought you'd read your books together while the waves crash and the sun sets and the sky is a gorgeous shade of pink and the salty air wafts in your nose as you take deep, meditative breaths.

But no.

On this empty beach, Hyuka whipped out a cylindrical block from his backpack- a speaker.

If this were a scene in a movie, this would be the part where the happy music stops and the characters are wide eyed and crickets sound effects commence. "What are you doing?"

Hyuka smiled at you the way a seven year old child would at their father after scribbling his monster truck with crayola markers, cuteness overpowering guilt. 

"Y/n," Hyuka says slowly, in that adorable voice he knows you can't resist. "since I made a promise to read your book, promise me you'll dance with me-!"

Bile shot up your throat. "No. Not here."

"Huh? Why?"

"I'm not dancing in public."

Hyuka looked around. "But the beach is empty, I'm the only one watching. Come on y/n, it'll be fun!"

Hyuka's cute demanding voice was working on you. No it wasn’t… Okay maybe it was.

Your toes curled, further planting yourself in the ground.

God you don't wanna do this. "But- Hyuka, I know you have good intentions but it's so. It's been so long, I don't know if I still got the hang of things-"

"Sure you do. Hang on, I know the perfect song for this." He plays your favorite song (or at least your favorite song of his) on the speaker- Our Summer.

The familiar tune runs laps in your mind, goosebumps blooming across the valleys of your arms. Music does sound prettier aloud than plugged in with headphones on. It does make you… less stiff.

"I don't know how to dance to this-"

"Me neither?" Hyuka proceeded to fix the speaker, placing it upright on a blanket over the sand. "We never had an official choreography for this song, so I thought the both of us can just make it up as we go?” He drags you by the hand, causing you to lose grip of the sand and stumble as you walked. “It doesn't have to be serious or anything. It's for fun, is all that matters."

Fun.

Yeah, that’s right.

"Y/n?"

It hit you like a plane hit a bus hit a car hit a person. "Fun..." That's what mattered at the end of the day. 

We all die in the same coffin, and by that point, only one's happiness is the proper measurement for a life worth living. 

"Okay.” You spoke to no one in particular. “No one else is watching..." and even if they were, does it matter?

Hyuka looked at you, like, really looked at you.

Did he feel concerned? Confused? Scared this is a bad idea and he shouldn't have bothered you in the first place? 

"Y/n." He called your name once more, extending his arm. "Join my dance club?" He smiled his perfect smile. "Please?"

You stood frozen, unsure why your throat started closing up.

Hyuka continued, "I'll suggest some ballet." A giggle. "I'm not sure how, but I'll make it work."

Memories bubbled to the surface. You were sitting under a tree, this damningly uncomfortable tree, thinking today will be peaceful, today will be different and it really was so peaceful and different because this boy– this young boy beaming with curiosity and innocence– comes up to you and changes the world around you.

You held Hyuka's hand tighter. "I still love ballet deep in my heart." Your feet did its thing, they stepped this way, they skipped that way.

You spun Hyuka around, laughing along with him, sand flitting around, your hair in your face but it didn’t matter that neither of you were completely off-beat because you were having fun.

The variations of ballet and hip-hop dancing are so unfittingly perfect, so freeing, so you.

Memories rush back to you like wildfire.

The classroom, the mystery notebooks, the noisy corridor, the tree, the rainy day at the bus stop, Huening Kai.

Huening Kai, who was a small corgi with a dream to be a star, turned into a golden retriever idol with the same heart of gold. The same boy who you parted ways with after graduating high school but never parting ways with you.

Everything was a massive blur. One moment, you're under that tree talking with your best friend Hyuka, the next moment you're alive and free and so happy in this empty sunset beach. One moment you are comforting this poor soaked boy at the bus stop, the next moment he's a full grown man holding your arms swaying to the rhythm.

The song closes, and you're standing right as the waves hit your shins in sync. 

Your heart is pounding, it's pounding so loud but it feels so good to be young and free again. You walk further away from the shore, not looking or going anywhere in particular. You pant, not able to take a breath.

Just then, your feet left the ground.

"Hyuka- HYUKA PUT ME DOWN!"

Hyuka lifted you up bridal style, with such ease as if you were nothing but a hydrogen atom, running back to the waves.

You want to punch him. He was running at Godspeed, and. You didn't want to get your outfit wet. 

But he's too pure to be punched. 

BUT YOU WANT TO PUNCH HIM SO BADLY. "WAS THIS YOUR MASTER PLAN ALL ALONG???" 

Hyuka wheezed hard, not having heard you scream this loudly up until this point.

"YOU'LL NEVER KNOW-!" Just as he screamed, he slipped and fell frontwards into the waves, him too getting all soaked in sea water. Now both of you looked like something out of the Titanic.

"DUMBASS!" You shrieked, but Hyuka couldn't hear you... because he was in the water... and couldn't get out for some apparent reason. "Oh." You got your hands around his waist and pulled him out, "Hyuka, you okay?"

Hyuka held onto your arms, cheeks red, cackling like a maniac. "I wasn't supposed to fall. I swear I did that accidentally on purpose."

You knew he did that on purpose. As you dragged your bedraggled corgi out of harm's way, where the knee-deep waves can't drown him, you... you wanted to say something.

You had to say something. The words 'I love you' didn't feel right. You had to say something else, something more.

The sun dipped halfway into the horizon, the sky frosted in thin clouds. It was just you and Hyuka, Hyuka and you. You never felt more at peace... with someone.

You squeezed his waist tightly, not too tight so he won’t choke, just enough to get him to notice, which he did.

"Never leave me, Hyuka."

Hyuka fell silent for a moment, letting those words melt into his head.

Because he understood just how important those words mean to you and him. "I love you too."

Epilogue

A couple months go by.

Huening Kai walked down the pavement, heart pounding in anticipation.

It wasn't hard to find the signing for your second published book, not when the entire bookstore was plastered in eye-catching posters and, moreover, crowds of fans lined up for an autograph, to be able to see you.

Huening Kai didn't have to wait, though. As per your request, he could skip the line and get a pre-signed copy... for free. 

He bragged about this to the other members, to which they said things such as 'aww she's so sweet' (everyone) or 'why can't I get my own copy?' (Beomgyu) or 'dumbass, we could just share.' (Yeonjun to Beomgyu). 

Huening Kai waddled into the bookstore, ignoring the quizzical stares he got from people. The line wasn't any shorter inside.

Huening Kai's jaw dropped. If it detached from his skull, it would be rolling off the floor like unraveling the red carpet. The line was so huge your signing podium was on the second floor. That's right, the line continued as he crab-walked up the stairs.

And there you were: In a suit, taking pictures with fans, piles of books resting on both your sides.

Huening Kai never saw you in a suit, but he must admit, you rock a suit better than he ever could.

He shifted towards you.

You look up, pleased.

"It is I."

You stared at him with an expectant gleam in your eyes. "Hello, my little corgi." Then you passed him what seemed like... a violet parcel tied with twine? "A special copy for a special person." You winked so very discreetly.

He nodded, bowing down before you. Like. Full on kneeling, hands together, forehead kissing the ground type of bowing. "I am honored."

As he was still on his knees, you whispered, "Meet me at the cafe."

He nodded once more. "Good luck with your signing."

He walked away, vanishing into the crowd, leaving you just as you saw him. But that’s okay. You’ll see each other… in a while...

An hour or so had passed. Or maybe two. Perhaps three.

Huening Kai stayed put in the cafe, the ice cubes that once piled in your matcha latte he bought for you now melting away. He read three chapters of your newly published book, which, wasn't a world record for speed reading or anything, but he enjoyed his 'mysterious cafe booktok girl' moment while it lasted. Because of you, he got motivated to indulge into this new cozy hobby.

Huening Kai yawned, not because the story was particularly boring, he just needed a break. He stared at the violet parchment paper and unraveled twine, sitting on the edge of the table.

A special copy for a special person.

He folded the paper neatly, spun the twine over his fingers, then snuck it in his pocket for safe keeping. He couldn’t just throw it away, he thought.

Finishing the remnants of his grape smoothie, having nothing better to do, he scrolled through the book, flipping pages mindlessly, checking each and every minor detail: The title of each page, a font change, an image, a picture of him and you on the beach he never forgot taking-

Wait-

He flipped the pages back, nose butting in the spine of the book. His eyes locked on that one page.

That one,single page.

'Dedicated to Hyuka'

He closed the book. 

Opened it. 

Closed it again.

A minute passes by. Maybe two. Perhaps three.

He opened the book.

He got to that page.

And once he got there, he couldn't rip his eyes off the picture. Its printing quality is spot on and the both of you look so so pretty and he couldn't be any happier.

Back when he had black hair, back when your hair too was long as a ghost's in need of a fresh chop. 

Back when you were in an author slump and he was in need of- he choked, and not in a bad way- you.

Curious (and also not ready to read the hell of a paragraph underneath the picture), he turned to the acknowledgements section to see if you spared any comments for him.

You did.

To Hyuka, the boy who taught me how to dance, I thank you for bringing this book (and its author) to life.

His heart thawed when reading that. 

So he read the sentence. 

Over and over. 

And over again.

How were you able to make him feel this way?

How could he be this lucky?

He forced himself not to curl the pages, a bad habit of his, because. This book was just too precious. If he left even one page damaged, wrinkled, unstraight, he'd sob knowing the fact he practically ruined the most precious gift you could offer.

He flipped to the next page. 

That page.

The page.

Years ago, this boy came to me. He was the only person who ever cared for my writing back then, the only person who believed in me. He helped bring this book to life, and the book before that, and older works I haven't gotten to publishing yet. He encouraged me to partake in my other hobbies too, to give them more attention. Because of him, he ignited my love for writing and ballet. He's quite literally my will to live. I appreciate him more than words can say for simply existing as the same timeline as me. Hyuka, you helped me so, so much. Even if you think you're doing the bare minimum, just know, bare minimum isn't really common these days, as well as endless gratitude. So, from the bottom of my heart, thank you.

His fingers stayed clamped to the page. Why were you such a good writer? How did you know the exact words to not only translate the fictional world from your mind to paper but also the exact words to make your best friend cry?

"Hyuka! Hey, sorry to keep you waiting. The fame is really getting to me." You fanned your hand. "My hands hurt from all that signing."

Huening Kai almost fell off his chair. 

He sucked back his tears. Act normal. "Y/ndon'tscaremelikethateveragainplease."

Somehow, you were able to make up most of what he was saying. "I texted you that I'll be here soon though, didn't you see?"

He did not. "Sorry. I was reading your, uh, masterpiece hehe."

"Oooo d'you like it so far?" And then you kicked it off from there, rambling about your book, the signing, and random topics here and there.

Huening Kai forgot he was crying for a second, but his heart still remained sore, his body still tender from reading that paragraph. No birthday wish or late night appreciation text on WhatsApp could top that off. He wants to hug you so bad right now.

"Hey, Hyuka?" 

"Hm?" He still has that angelic smile, even when he's in pain (the good type of pain) on the inside.

"Wanna go to the beach again?"

He choked. "Of course. Uh, when though?"

"Right now."

He blinked. "... Right now?"

"It'll make my book signing day even better." A pause. "I mean- this is very short notice and maybe bad timing if you think about it actually but-"

"Yes," He spoke quietly at first, "please, let's go."

You blinked at him. "Wait really?" With how busy the both of your schedules were, what are the chances the two of you would-

"Yes really! I want to dance with you. Be it ballet, or hip hop. In another universe maybe we could be dancing together all the time." His voice cracked. "Do you know how much I..." It's been so long since Huening Kai has ever felt this small, since Huening Kai felt so... appreciated. The type of appreciation that isn't related to his work or his face but him. He sunk back into his seat, eyes distancing off of you. "Is this what you felt when I asked you on that beach escape?"

You stared at him, wondering if he'll ever look back up. It, too, has been a long time since you've seen Huening Kai like this. "Hyuka, I'm sorry I don't-"

Hyuka waved his hands around, "No. Don't be sorry I- I was sputtering nonsense I-"

"No, no, you weren't saying nonsense Hyuka." You started. "I felt really happy when you asked me on that beach escape. It's like... The feeling transcends words, the burst of energy I felt, the rush of old memories with you, the way I can feel my heart pound loudly in my chest again." You smiled, and it meant the world to Hyuka.

Huening Kai couldn't wait any longer, he knew just what he had to do.

Huening Kai grabbed his drink. He didn't have a speaker, so he settled with his phone. He reached his hand out. "What are we waiting for?"

You stared back at the boy, now a man, in front of you. "Let's go."

When was the last time you felt happy?

The ground shifts from soil to sand, the sunset is more orange than pink at this hour.

You look at Huening Kai.

The image of a fifteen year old boy smiled back at you.

You whisper to him now, “Meet me at the shore”

a/n: I spent about a month and a half writing and perfecting this piece to the best of my capabilities, but even then, I wasn't so strict with myself on this piece, because, that's quite literally my point of writing this: To have fun. to let loose, to enjoy writing again. I do genuinely hope this fic makes all the tired, underappreciated artists out there feel more loved and respected; I genuinely hope this work has touched the hearts of those lonely souls in need of a friend, seriously, you guys are so independent and such awesome people, it baffles me how you haven't found your special someones yet; and to all the ningdungies who came here for Huening Kai, thanks for stopping by, I hope this fic fed your hyuka-content-deprived souls *brings forth spoon and bowl*nomnomnomnom* Thank you for reading up until this point, I greatly appreciate you and hope you stay tuned for more!!

Reblog and review if you like my work 🫶🫶 they are greatly appreciated!!

[americanrecord]

woke up to a notification from you, saw the word hypothetically, clicked on it and it was already gone 🙃, but I support it, I think 💕

yes, hi! sorry this is so late, life is annoying. i popped up over on duffmckagans sometime last week and made a post (i don't even remember what i said), and then deleted it like five minutes later because i'm very conflicted about the whole deal.

i'm gonna use your post as a little life update anyway, because i really do miss tumblr and think i may return to duffmckagans because i've sort of outgrown my need for this blog. i'm very much still writing original content (or, try to, whenever i'm not busy (rare)), but i've sort of left behind the need to share that with other people, mostly just because 1.) nobody cares (real), 2.) it's so slow-moving these days that it just left me with the feeling like i had nothing to do on this blog because i've pretty much completely buried to rest the idea of ever rewriting that fic in an original format and settled another, more personal novel/project i have much more faith in the future publishing of. and because it is so personal and niche and boring, it just doesn't generate discussion or anything else worth posting about at the moment.

however, i do miss having a blog. i miss talking to people, i miss seeing my friends, i miss posting my writing, i miss reblogging silly pictures with silly tags, etc. i'm honestly at my busiest point in my entire life right now because i decided over the summer that i wanted to go to law school so i've been slammed between studying for that, taking the LSAT (law school entrance exam) twice and having a third attempt scheduled for january, tutoring, working almost full-time, some volunteer work, general family chaos (permanent fixture), etc. and if anybody remembers me from my college days, you may remember i was an anomaly in that i had a supremely unusual amount of free time. enough so that i could routinely churn out anywhere from 10k-15k of new words a week. was it good? no, not really, but that's besides the point. i'm not somebody built to do so much at once, so that ever-present stress (which should clear up around late january - ignoring what may come from law school) has sort of pushed me away from all the things i used to love #HAHA!!! for a long time. pretty much everybody i know can attest to the fact i've become a shit replier, i don't even see messages for days and then i forget to reply once i do. it's very annoying and inconveniencing, and i apologize! i can't promise it'll get better quite yet, but that's a bit of explanation there. i used to be somebody who'd be around almost 24/7 and i will get back to that eventually, but ... not yet.

that being said, i've experienced other Life Things that sort of has me crawling back to things that make me happy, if only so i don't become hopelessly lost in responsibilities and pressure and stress. ironically enough, it was sharing my original manuscript with my mother of all people (adding on to if anybody knows the first thing about me or remembers when my life blew up 2 years ago) and getting to bond with her over that after pretty much being no contact for 2 years that had me remembering how important writing is for me, but not even necessarily for my own personal gain. financially, i mean. of course, publishing is a life goal, and everybody told me to pursue law so that i could eventually fund my own writing career (ngl this is what got me), but i loved sharing it. i deleted the fic a little over a year ago as of now, i think? and i feel like i've been floundering not necessarily without It, but without having something to do every week, people to talk to, reactions to read; just generally something to keep me tied to some vague sense of passing time. there was a time in my life where it was either wednesday or it wasn't x6, and some people may say that's a crazy way to live, but it got me through my awful college years with success and a smile on my face, so idrgaf. i do actually really miss the fic. i miss the whole universe, i miss the community (undoubtedly smaller, understandably), and i miss the ease it used to bring because i was just genuinely doing what i loved.

i can't even remember what i said in my other ask reply that addressed this fic, something in response to "fuck that ginger cunt," but i will say that i have revisited the fic. i have a very, very, very complicated relationship with guns n' roses as an entity and, moreover, axl and his entire existence. for obvious reasons. he fucking sucks. legitimately one of the most awful excuses of a man i've ever met (or...been waved to by?) and likely should be buried beneath a jail somewhere. i will happily wield the shovel!! that being said. actually, that's all i have to say on it. everything else is a gray area where they still stand as a band that has gotten me through every day of my life since i was 17 and where axl still stands as so much for me, principally the reason i started writing and still do to this day because nothing else can top that thrill. the fic, honestly speaking, isn't even about the band for me. i could not care less about the band, i don't think i could host a fan page if i tried, beyond reblogging pics and giving my music opinions (while we're on the topic: 1986 sound city sessions reckless life is far superior to the gnr lies version), but i really don't even remember a time where the fic was even about the band rather than some place for me to sketch out a story with roughly-drawn templates of members from my favorite band. i don't think it existed as a band fic since the first half of rocket queen, and i think people could see by the story's direction that it wasn't really about "oooo guns and roses, the most dangerous band in the Wooooorld" so much as it was my two female main characters and the matching set of He's There that were sometimes involved in the adventures. i still have that passion for all of them, i have rewritten the first 23 chapters of rocket queen and that will continue to go up whenever i find a scrap of free time because nothing relaxes me like writing or just gets me to generally calm down and forget the fact i haven't felt at peace in so long 😄

so there is a major question of if i could post it again. and i still don't know. it's tricky. there's a lot of material in there that i don't think people took the time to understand, even worse now that i approach it from a MUCH more mature standpoint (in retrospect, i had no business writing so many of those things at 18, i had no clue what i was talking about or even implying with some of those themes and scenes), and there's a lot of stuff based on or semi-based on real events (trauma) while other real information (how much of a literal threat to humanity these men, particularly axl (but i will never discount any of them) were) is excluded because . . . i don't like torturing women? i could potentially return just as a way to give myself something to do under the guise where i do it with a lot more anonymity, aka not giving people as much of a direct target to verbally/electronically abuse me over fake things, tightening how i respond to things or let people think they have a say in things, and just outright refusing to engage with other matters; let it speak for itself and be ready to pull it again the second people take it too far or clearly can't handle with maturity and respect something that's marked mature, plastered in content warnings, and thoroughly tagged/addressed at every twist and turn, because at the end of the day--because i was barely a concept when all of these events were happening--it's all fictional. "based on" anything or not, it's fake. i have nothing but secondhand, thirdhand, or no-hand information abound. everybody lies, everybody forgets things, and everybody remembers it differently, and that's just that. i always will have creative license to do whatever the fuck i want regardless of what some 'insert member' stan with their panties in a twist thinks. it said so much to me that nobody ever criticized me for writing about a deeply problematic band and just about the fact that i had women characters that made vaguely unlikable decisions.

so, i don't know. i have things to think about. i am vaguely aware of the fact i may be depressed, so i would like to have a reason to smile again while i trudge from day to day doing boring things. i am also aware of the fact that i can't just write this fic and not share it with people. i have loose lips in written form and i really don't know what else to do with it. only so much gratification comes from looking at it myself. i ALSO know i said i was going to leave this behind forever, and also that i probably should, but i am a: liar. i fucking love guns n' roses.

thanks for listening to my ramble. completely understandable if you never send me an ask again. much love 💗

[peachdues]

i won't lie.... i may or may not open up tumblr every hour or so just to stalk your page (this is insane i need to stop).

how long does it take you to write every chapter/part of phantasmagoria??? or just fanfictions and works in general. or maybe every 10k words,,,, whatever's easiest to estimate the time for

CAUSE YOU WRITE SO MUCH OMG?????????????? it's insane (in such a good way) also is phantasmagoria j 3 parts or more? epilogue? or.... > . < i'm curious so so curious

i wanna swear off of fanfiction after you're doing w phantasmagoria but I STILL WANNA READ TWAHM AND SEASONS IN LOVE AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH maybe i should block tumblr x-x my obsession is insane

THANK YOU ALWAYS FOR WRITING :DD it felt so weird stalking your page/spotify playlists without interacting so uhm here's an ask and a notice that you might have an influx of comments on your posts. or none. depending on if i cut myself off of this addiction!!!!!

TYTYTYTYTYTYT FOR WRITING it's genuinely so beautiful i wanna steal it HOW DID YOU GET SO GOOD AT WRITING IMA LEAVE NOW HAVE A GOOD NIGHT AND DAY

aww thank you!

I mean, as a writer, I obviously don't want you to swear off fanfiction lol, BUT I get it. You've gotta do what's best for you!

Phantasmagoria is my first 3-part fic, so Part III is currently being written, and it will feature an epilogue (y'all aren't prepared, I just KNOW it). It will probably be about as long as the other two parts (bringing the grand total word count to around 35k words).

To answer your question about how long it takes me to write -- it really depends, lol. I write in short bursts (usually when I have a few minutes), and write on my phone. It depends on what I'm writing, too. For example, I wrote Veneration in 20 minutes while I was at the starbucks drive-thru. I wrote Part 2 of Tell Me to Stop (Kyojuro) in about 2-3 days (that was 16.5k words).

I've had blurbs written for Phantasmagoria since June (well before I announced it), BUT I spent about 6 hours this past weekend filling in the gaps. Part II was probably the part I had the most content already written for. I could probably have done it from scratch in about the same amount of time, if I sat down and wasn't interrupted. Part 3 is arguably the one I've had the least amount completed, and right now, it's sitting at about 5k words, and I would say I'm only halfway done, if that.

However, for me, banging out a 10k+ word fic in a day is child's play -- BUT that's because I'm in a profession where 90% of my job is writing, and writing fast. I've churned out full, 25-page legal briefs in a matter of hours, with full citations. In college, I wrote a 30-40 page research/policy paper a week. Same in law school. It's just second nature to me at this point.

Thank you so much for your kind words! I really appreciate it, and I appreciate the time it takes for you to read my nonsense. Sending you my undying love!

[frankiehagg]

writing journal: i'm restarting my manuscript from scratch, again

i just finished the fifth week of my second go at grad school. i am studying to become a translator! it is so great and uses my skills as a researcher, writer, and editor SO well, in ways i hadn't predicted. it has also, until this week, DECIMATED my capacity for non-school reading and writing. it's been so nice to pick up a non-assigned book, of fiction, about people who aren't real. missed this.

as my skills develop away from the crisis mode of learning a new skill, lean into my existing editorial skills, and leave me more free time, i find myself having time to fall into The Bad Mood, which happens when i'm not being sufficiently creative. so tonight is my rip roaring friday night of... starting the seventh draft of my six-years-in-the-making book manuscript, from scratch, again.

some FAQ about my intense journey with this manuscript:

Q: WHAT KEEPS GOING WRONG WITH THIS BOOK?

A: fundamentally, nothing. the story was too character-heavy in its first incarnation and dealt with themes that have been progressively less interesting to me. more accurate to say that my skills develop at a pace faster than the manuscript does. i don't mean this as a flex; i've averaged ~7k a month on this manuscript for years & other projects have naturally developed my skills along the way

Q: SEVERAL OF YOUR LAST DRAFTS HAVE ONLY BEEN 5-10k BEFORE YOU SCRAPPED THEM. WHY? ARE YOU *SURE* NOTHING'S WRONG WITH THIS BOOK?

A: i uh... ok, everything's wrong with this book. the themes are wrong. the beloved characters i have retained along the way no longer fit the story—at least one of them, the main character as i imagined her, needs to join the 350k pile of killed darlings, and the others need to undergo serious relevance editing. the logic of the setting is quite thin. my style is also "broke" on the scale of broke to bespoke; my skills are better now, so now every time i write this piece the voice is unbearably weak and uncompelling. fixing voice has been the main impetus for these endless restarts, and i haven't found one that both sounds good and works with the setting.

most egregiously: as the themes and setting are developed, the plot breaks and breaks and breaks.

i've been aware of these issues for a while and i hoped writing through them would fix my problems. not so. now that i've had a nice monthlong break from writing (at least, anything that wasn't translated from the original french), i opened my document and... didn't like what i saw. i opened my wiki and didn't like what i saw. i opened my file of short story ideas and—saw a theme. a theme that works very well with the setting i've been trying to develop, overhauls everything, and gives me a fresh lens from which to spawn new characters or refresh old ones with new purposes.

the first thing i am doing is scrapping everything. all meta material—gone. new scrivener file. new wiki file (i use obsidian for wikis, which i wrote at more length about here). i'll keep the old stuff for reference, but this is a new world for a new story. i am entering only with a vague understanding that this is a science fantasy story, both hero's journey and tragedy, and... isn't NOT about the john searle–jacques derrida debate.

it'll be good, i swear!

the second thing i am doing, for the first time in my life, is attempting to write a COMPLETE, COMPREHENSIVE outline—i am normally a cheerful planner-pantser combo—before i write a single word of prose. i am hoping this will help me identify areas of weakness before i invest a ton of words only to meet a dead end. since my time is at more of a premium than it used to be, i'll be able to mull things over longer-term and hopefully come to the file on weekends with developed ideas.

the third (and final?) thing i'm doing is to identify elements of style that i particularly vibe with in *reading* and make a point to run 20-minute style drills when i can carve out a spare moment, and keep them in a separate file for reference when it comes time to actually put down prose. i'm hoping this will help me hit the ground running with a style that motivates me to keep writing it, and prevent more style-related dead ends as well.

there are a lot of different ways to outline. beat sheets have helped me in the past, including save the cat and romancing the beat. increasingly i am moving away from beat sheets as structural crutches, but having a visual guide for the outline stage is still useful to me.

there's the kind of intensely complicated outlining tool like MOTT, but every time even i, a detail-loving methodical research type, open this spreadsheet, get scared, and close out again. instead i'm going to try a combination of the snowflake model and the ring structure as i try to feel my way toward a setting-relevant plot: my snowflake is going to have five act-sized points to start, and from there i will develop smaller and smaller details until i have a narrative outline that is also symmetrical for that "the hero comes home but they can never come home again because their home is NOTHING LIKE THEY THOUGHT IT WAS" kind of journey i'm going for.

i do NOT know if this is a good idea, it might NOT work, i might wind up with a rambling scrivener outline that is basically just a summary of the plot the way i have tried and burned out of in the past. but it'll be fun! let's try new things! failure is liberating in that failing again doesn't feel that bad! that's true, right? that's definitely true.

if you don't hear from me again i've gotten lost in the outline mines, but know i died as i lived: upset that my manuscript still isn't working.

(first posted in a slightly simplified format on mastodon).

[hanjizung]

♡ What Love Is ♡

Han Jisung x Reader.

Word count:  10K

♡ Warnings ♡: Smut; non idol AU, DILF!Jisung, older Jisung, OC (kid), possession kink, marking kink, oral (f), overstimulation, begging, masturbation, shower sex, exhibitionism, fingering, creampie, aftercare.

A/N: Finally the second part to Modern Vintage is here. I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it, and please let me know what you think of it! ♡

Summer coming closer could mean many things; families spent more time together since children weren’t going to school anymore, couples had more dates and groups of friends went to eat from time to time to catch up. Overall, most places were fuller during summer, especially beaches since the sun was incredibly hot. You knew some people loved to go out in summer, maybe to travel or to visit some relatives.

Even knowing how summer as a customer was, working in the coffee shop during the season was another experience, some days it was too empty, then on the weekends too full and some days you didn’t even have enough time to eat. Adding to the stress of working during this season, but luckily, summer was just about to end and since you decided to take summer classes to fasten your graduation and get your degree sooner, you were almost completely over which meant that you would be able find a better place to work and help Jisung pay the bills.

A smile appeared on your face when you thought of him. The two of you had been together for almost a little over a year now; he stopped working in the coffee shop with you  after his best friends from college offered him an opportunity to work with them as a producer in their company, that had been a month after the weekend the two of you spent without Jisu, both of them showed up at his night job, (which you learned, he worked at a nightclub as a DJ and he was really awesome at it) asking him to take a moment and go with them for a talk. The next morning you found him drinking coffee in the kitchen, still thinking of accepting or declining, smiling and kissing you when you encouraged him to take the offer.

Since then, he told Minho and Felix about it, and they congratulated him and told him that he would still get the employee discounts whenever he stopped by to visit them (and you, of course.) The Lee brothers, more than being your bosses, they treated the two of you like good friends and worried about you like they were family. You still remember Felix’s face when he saw you kissing Jisung goodbye while Jisu hugged her dad tightly, a grin on Felix’s lips that made him look like a mischievous cat.

“Didn’t I tell you it would be only a matter of time?” he said, startling both Jisung and you, making you turn to look at him laughing, a slight blush coloring your cheeks.

“Felix, you knew we would end up together since he brought Jisu here” you objected, rolling your eyes playfully. “What kind of witchcraft did you do, hmm? Tell me your secret!” you joked, getting closer to him and hugging him lovingly. He hugged you back and patted your hair as if you were Jisu.

“I have eyes, Y/N. I could see the both of you drooling for each other when you worked the same hours” he explained, his brows raised as he turned from you to Jisung, who just like you had his face painted with a blush.

“Oh” Jisung said, scratching the back of his head with his free arm and laughing awkwardly. “I mean, you’re not wrong, Lix. I liked Y/N since the very first time I saw her mess up a drink” your boyfriend said, winking at you.

“Are you saying that messing drinks is the way to get to your heart, Sungie?” you asked, acting as serious as you could, “because if that’s the case, I won’t let you be in the kitchen when I’m teaching Jeongin how to do the difficult ones” you finished, making both of the men in front of you laugh.

“Ah, he doesn’t mess up as much though, I admit Jisung used to be messier than him. Jeongin’s a good boy, he learns quickly like you, Y/N. I’m glad that we hired him, I feel like the place is fuller since he’s been here” Felix said, crossing his arms over his chest and caressing his invisible beard as he looked at Jeongin who was writing down an order. 

He noticed the four pairs of eyes on him and waved to where you were awkwardly. Minho had announced not too long ago that since the coffee shop had been doing better than before now you were short staffed, and since he was planning on giving you a little vacation he made the decision of hiring someone else to help, and that's how you ended up meeting sweet Jeongin, whose cute face contributed to more daily customers as well as Felix's delicious baked desserts. 

Since you were the last person hired, it was your job to teach him everything you knew. He had been there for just three weeks now, and he was a little shy just like you were when you first started working there, but as days passed he joined the talented chefs that you had for bosses and started teasing you and Jisung every now and then. 

The coffee shop never closed, it was open all the seven days of the week, but when Jisung was offered a new spot with his good friends, you decided to throw a party to celebrate, inviting the Lee's and Jeongin, and of course, Jisu's uncles; Chan and Changbin. You also took the opportunity to invite your ex roommate, who happened to visit you at work and the one who you would constantly text when something interesting happened. Jisung said that since the party would be the first time you'd be meeting his best friends, and since he already knew your roommate that you should invite your best friend from college, so after calling him and asking him if he was free he accepted. 

The big important day came, and Jisung dressed with his nicest clothes, putting on that one cologne he knew you loved so much. The party would happen at your department, so when he was ready he announced that he would be rushing to get the missing food before all your guests appeared, leaving you and Jisu to finish getting ready. 

You helped her get ready first, dressing her with a beautiful navy blue dress that she adored since the moment she saw it, then you did her hair and told her to draw something to everyone coming to the party while you got ready as well. 

When you walked out of the room fully dressed, Jisung and Jeongin's back were turned at you. They were talking on the couch, a movie was playing on the turned on television as they talked without paying any attention to the screen, but the conversation soon died when your boyfriend stood up after hearing footsteps behind him. He stared at you, his mouth hanging and a quiet wow leaving his lips as he moved quickly to embrace you and kiss you, ready to whisper how beautiful you looked and how lucky he was to have you. 

"Woah, you look so pretty! You look like a queen, queen Y/N!" Jisu exclaimed, joining her dad and running to hug your legs. Jeongin saw the whole scene, chuckling. 

"You look amazing, Y/N. Honestly, if you and Jisung weren't together I would be inviting you for a drink as soon as I saw you" he joked, raising one of his eyebrows making you laugh. 

"Guess that's too bad for you then, Jeonginnie, she's all mine" Jisung said, pressing a kiss on your cheek and then leaving your side to sit on the couch again. 

Jisu left you to go sit on her dad's lap, and when you were just to sit on the other couch your phone rang, your best friend's photo showing on the screen as you smiled apologetic at the two men in front of you and you walked away to answer. 

"Hi, Y/N. I'm in the building, what floor is it?" his voice greeted you. He was always like this, going straight to the point. 

"The fifth floor, the door number is 190" you told him, hearing through the line how he walked into the elevator and pressed the buttons. "See you soon" you told each other before hanging up. 

You were excited to see him, it wasn't everyday that the two of you got to be at a nice event or even to a party like this, he wasn't a party guy much, and you always went out with your beloved roommate, Chunghee.

You walked to the kitchen to grab a glass of water and when you were coming back to the living room you heard knocking on the door. Smiling and placing your glass down, you walked excitedly to it and opened with a big smile on your lips, already knowing who it was. 

"Seungmin!" you exclaimed, throwing your arms around him carefully and hugging him tightly. He responded to the hug politely, patting your back two times and then separating his arms from you, a little shy since it was the first time he was in the presence of your boyfriend. You moved away from him to let him step inside, taking his hand in yours and closing the door behind you. 

"Jisung, Jisu, Jeongin, I present to you my best friend! Seungmin, you already met Jeongin, and this…" you left Seungmin's side to stand behind Jisung who still had Jisu in his lap, they looked at your friend with the same eyes full of curiosity "... Is my family" you finished, smiling at him, your head tilted to the side as you locked eyes with Jisung for a brief moment before returning your eyes to your best friend. 

"It's nice to meet you in person and not just thought pictures" Seungmin greeted, a timid smile on his lips that gained a chuckle from Jisung who responded that it was nice to see him as well, and so you proceeded to sit with Seungmin by your side and start a small conversation with him. 

The room fell silent for a few seconds, the TV working as background noise only until a knock on your door and voices sounding from behind it let you know that Felix and Minho had finally arrived. Jisu opened the door, rushing to get there first and throw herself at the first pair of legs that would be in front of her, making Minho laugh as he struggled to hold a box of something in his hands without it falling. Felix rushed to help his brother by freeing him from the kid's grip, taking Jisu in his arms and squishing her playfully. 

"Hey, welcome!" Jisung greeted, standing up from the couch along with Jeongin to help the two men with the things they were carrying; a cake and something that looked like it was probably ice cream. One of Felix's new experiments, possibly, but you figured that if he had brought it on that special day, it would be an advanced approved recipe. 

"We're so happy to be here, I can't wait to meet Jisung's new bosses. Are they here yet? Are they more handsome than us? Y/N?" Felix asked, lifting Jisu in the air dramatically, making her giggle and turning to you when he was saying the last part, his accusative eyes scanning you. 

"They haven't arrived yet, we'll meet them at the same time, Lix" you laughed, standing up yourself and hugging Minho first, then him. He smiled at you, and then noticed Seungmin who was still sitting where you were, his extroverted self wasted no time and he made his way there, dragging you along with him. 

"Hello, we haven't been introduced yet, I think? If you've heard nice things about a Lee Felix then that's me, but if all you've heard of him are complaints, then it's not me anymore" he joked, presenting his hand to your best friend who laughed politely at his joke. 

"Kim Seungmin, Y/N's friend" he shook Felix's hand and then patted Jisu’s head since she was still in Felix’s arms, offering both of them shy smile along with it. It was so heartwarming to have all your friends and family interacting with each other.

A phone going off distracted you and everyone in the room turned to meet the owner who simply smiled shyly, turning his back and answering. You could hear Jisung’s voice through the introductions of the people who were currently in your house. You watched all of them with a fond smile, but the sudden sensation of an arm wrapping around your waist scared you a little bit, making you turn your face to find your beloved boyfriend who placed a kiss on your cheek, whispering to you that he would be leaving shortly to get his friends. 

You nodded and sat next to Minho on the couch, he was on his phone until he noticed you, straightening his back and smiling briefly at you. He asked how you were doing and how you were feeling about Jisung’s new path, you said that you felt happy for him and that your current concern was that you wanted to graduate to help; your conversation with him finished rather quickly, as the door opened and two strange men walked in through the door, the subject of your conversation with Minho staying behind them and closing the door.

“Everyone, they are my friends and now coworkers, Chan and Changbin,” Jisung announced, taking advantage of the silence that reigned on your little home to present his best friends, a intimidating looking man almost his height with a deadly gaze and a slightly taller one, blond guy who was smiling openly and showing his dimples. 

Jisung stepped forward, a big smile on his face as his hand took yours and pulled you in front of his friends. You weren’t sure why, but your face started feeling a bit hot and you were a little afraid that if you tried to speak, you would stutter instead of speaking properly. To you it almost felt like you were meeting his parents, your nerves getting the best of you.

“Guys this is Y/N, you already know her a little from what I’ve told you” he laughed, scratching the back of his head in embarrassment, his cheeks also a rosy color just like yours were.

“It’s so nice to finally meet you!” the blond one said, offering you his hand for you to take. You did, extending your shaky hand to him and shaking it, then doing the same with Changbin. 

Your ray of sunshine boyfriend must’ve felt the awkwardness you were irradiating, since he wasted no time in coming to your rescue and started presenting everyone else to them, except Jisu who left Felix to hug Changbin and tell him to pick her up so she could kiss his cheek. While he was busy with introductions, Seungmin approached you quietly, looking at you with a soft smile.

“You okay?” he asked, bumping your shoulder with his own. You looked at him with questioning eyes that only made him chuckle at you. “You looked like you were very nervous,” he explained. 

Closing your eyes, you sighed. “I was! It felt like a meteor hit me, but instead of a space rock, it was reality” you whispered-screamed, looking at your friend with big eyes that soon turned soft when your gaze fell on them. “They seem really nice, though. I’m glad to know that Jisung wasn’t all alone before I met him, you know?” 

“You really do love him, Y/N. I’m glad he makes you this happy” Seungmin smiled at you, his voice full of honesty that made you feel like you had the key to happiness in that exact moment.

The rest of the evening passed faster than you would like to admit; your little home was full with the chattering noises from your guests and chill music playing in the background. The dinner went good too, the table was full and it was like a Christmas dinner or similar, the table full and laughter being a constant proof of the nice atmosphere. Any sign of the existing awkward silence created when Chan and Changbin appeared was long gone now, and you learned a little more about them and how they met with Jisung just like they learned how the two of you ended up together, a story told with additions from almost everyone saying that they always knew how hard you were pining for each other.

Chan started telling how he happened to meet both of his friends; he explained that he met Changbin one night at a party, Chan was the dj and Changbin reached to him to ask him how he managed a cut between two song without it being so obvious (Changbin laughed, exclaiming that even if Chan taught him how to do it, he remembered how the first time he heard it he was shocked.)

Then, both of them usually hung out by the library where Chan mentored Changbin, and one day they saw Jisung with a guitar practicing and decided to ask him what he was doing. Since that day, the three of them started getting curious about song producing, and so they decided to give it a try, being that and their first demo songs the start of a beautiful blooming friendship that lead to where they are now. 

When Chan mentioned their demo songs, you gave Jisung a side eye that clearly translated to him as ‘you’re gonna have to show me those songs’, a look that didn’t Changbin must’ve also caught since he said that those songs weren’t too good and that ‘it was better for everyone to not listen to them’, now making everyone want to listen to them more.

Later, Felix went to your fridge to take the ice cream he had brought and started serving it to everyone with your help. Little Jisu was over the moon because she was finally going to try one of the secret recipes of ice creams that she saw Felix perfecting at the coffee shop, and so more memories were talked upon all of you, not only about the trio of friends, but also about Seungmin and you being childhood friends, then the Lee brothers motivated by Chan’s story decided to tell how they knew they wanted to open the coffee shop. Jeongin opened up too, talking about how he had a lot of doubt joining his current career, but saying that he knew everything would eventually pay off. The evening contributed to you getting to know everyone a little more.

Almost at 10, Jisu was sleepily sitting on Changbin’s lap, you were surprised to see how much she stayed by his side and how the man didn’t seem to mind being with her, it was a little funny too because he seemed to be so tough on the outside, but really all he allowed to see in the few hours he spent in your house he was a softy, and Jisu really knew how to bring that side out of him. When you noticed the little bubbly girl was asleep, you stood up and walked to where he was, but when he realized that Jisu was comfortably dreaming, he stopped you. 

“I’ll take her to her room, where is it?” he asked. You smiled at him as a thanks and guided him there, leaving the noisy living room to Jisu’s dark and silent bedroom. 

You turned on the light for Changbin who was right behind you, and you watched him tuck her in the bed so carefully, like he had done it before. Curiosity got the best of you and you decided to ask him.

“Have you put her to bed before?” your voice came a little quiet, careful to not wake Jisu. Changbin hummed, looking at the sleeping angel in front of him and nodded.

“Yeah, when her mom left, Chan and I were all Jisung had, but we couldn’t help him often, and then we were called with an offer in America and we left.” You listened to him while he was staring at Jisu, your mind imagining these three men trying to take care of a baby, sweet scenarios playing in your head of them learning how to change a diaper and getting scared whenever she cried. “Let’s go back,” his voice brought you down to earth, and he waited for you to step out before turning off the light and closing the door behind him, like a gentleman.

Seeing you walking out of Jisu’s room, your boyfriend watched as you approached the living room with a smile on his face, and when you were close enough he opened his arms for you to take a seat on his lap. You happily did what he desired, kissing his cheek when he wrapped his arms around you. No one in the room was looking at you, too busy paying attention to a horror story Minho was saying from when he was in college to mind the two of you. 

Jeongin was sitting by the table, a piece of cake in front of him that he was eating until he was interrupted thanks to a notification on his phone. When he grabbed it, he saw the hour and he stood up.

“I didn’t know it was this late, I should be leaving, my roommate texted me saying he’s worried” he explained, being the center of attention. On the other couch, Seungmin stretched and stood up as well.

“I can take you home if you want,” Seungmin said, looking in his pocket for his car keys while he waited for Jeongin’s answer. The younger one nodded and added that it would be nice of him to drop him by his apartment.

“Thank you guys for coming, have a good night” you told them when they waved goodbye to everyone. 

“Thanks for receiving us. Congratulations on your new job, Jisung” Seungmin spoke again, shaking Jisung’s hand while Jeongin hugged you and thanked you as well.

After them, Felix yawned and Minho teased him, saying that he was just like Jisu, to which Felix laughed and said that he could be right. They made their way to the front door and said their goodbyes to the rest of you, and that resulted in just you and the producers. Jisung offered to drive them to their new shared apartment.

That’s how you found yourself in the co-pilot's seat with Chan and Changbin sitting in the back giving directions to Jisung who was driving. It reminded you of the first time you got in the car with him and took care of Jisu, then you smiled when your memory replayed all the times you sat there talking with Jisung and admiring him while he drove, he always looked for your hand or rested his on your thigh during red lights.

While Chan was giving directions to Jisung, Changbin chatted a little with you, telling you that he wasn’t too excited to go to his new house because there was a pure mess of boxes and half unpacked stuff everywhere except for their beds.

“I forgot how much I disliked moving,” Chan sighed, eyes closed as he paid close attention to the window. Changbin agreed with him.

Once you were finally there, you saw them coming out of the car. You took Jisung’s hand and with a look you told him to stay there. “We should help them, Sung,” you said. He nodded, knowing that you would be worried if you didn’t voice your kind offer to help your new friends.

“Chan, Changbin, would you like some help unpacking?” Jisung said, helping you out of the car. They were standing nearby, waiting for you two to leave and being surprised when Jisung hurried to open your door.

“Nah, it’s okay. You should go back home, though, it’s pretty late,” Changbin answered after exchanging a quick look with Chan who looked at his phone, probably to check the hour.

“We got this, don’t worry. Thanks for driving us,” Chan contributed, watching Jisung walking slowly to the driver’s seat again. “See you on Monday, Jisung, and see you later Y/N, it was very nice to meet you” he smiled.

“Alright, but make sure to call us if you need anything. See you on Monday” and with that, Jisung started the car and you left. You had no idea when on the way back you fell asleep, but the next time you opened your eyes, the car was slowing down and you could recognize the familiarity of your building’s parking.

“We’re home, baby, wake up” Jisung’s sweet voice called you. You blinked one, two times before sighing and taking off the security belt, stepping out of the car and stretching. You waited for him to do the same and walk together to your department.

“Your friends are really nice, I’m happy you’re gonna work with them. Are you excited?” you asked once in the elevator, looking at him.

“Yeah, I’m excited. It’s been so long since we made a song together or shared ideas for lyrics,” he said, smiling at you and hugging you, pressing a kiss on your face. You closed your eyes, accepting it without saying anything and just enjoying the moment. It was small moments like this when you were glad to start working at the coffee shop.

The elevator stopped at your floor, and the two of you made your way to your comfy apartment. You sighed, knowing that you would have to clean and put away everything that was on the table. When the door opened you finally took off the heels you opted to wear for the occasion, sighing in satisfaction when your feet touched the cold ground. Jisung only looked at you with a soft smile on his face, and he walked up behind you, passing one of his arms under your knees and picking you up bridal style.

“Sungie! What are you doing?” you squealed, acting quickly and holding onto him, afraid that you would fall. Your boyfriend didn’t answer you, instead he smirked at you and kept walking to your room. Once in there, he somehow managed to turn on the light before letting you gently on the bed.

Hovering above you, you were able to see the lust in his eyes before he closed them and finally kissed your lips passionately. Your hands, still on his neck, pulled him even closer to you. You sighed on the kiss, moving one of your hands to his chest and the other tangling in his hair. Jisung took this as an invitation to straddle you, supporting himself with one arm and caressing your face with the other hand.

Soon, the intensity of the kiss ended when he separated to breathe again, pressing kisses on your chin and then travelling down your throat.

“This dress looks so good on you, honey, but I prefer how you look without it. I’ve been thinking about it all day, taking it off you. I’m so lucky that I’m the only one to get to see you like this” he whispered, his voice husky, making you shiver. 

It wasn’t the first time he attacked you like this; it was mostly on special occasions, and usually he asked someone to take care of Jisu, the other times you two had sex it was very late into the night and rather quickly to avoid the exposure to accidents, so him suddenly acting guided by his instincs and fucking you like it was only the two of you in the whole world was one of the last ways you imagined today would end.

“W-wait, Jisung, close the door first” you warned him, pushing him off you. He quickly nodded, making his way to the door and closing it, also locking it and then, he walked slowly towards you who was now sitting on the bed, looking at him with needy eyes. 

His hands went to his belt, slowly undoing it making you bite your lip. He took it off and let it rest at the feet of the bed, now taking his shirt and starting to pull it up until he was in front of you, finally taking that piece of clothing off from his body. Your legs hung open, allowing him to stand between them as one of your hands played with the hem of his pants, you looked at him through your lashes and he placed one hand on your head, patting you dearly before it went down to cup your face and he bended to kiss you, this time more sweetly than before. 

He pushed you gently so you would be on your back, he kissed the exposed skin on your neck, being careful to not leave any hickies since he knew how much you struggled to cover them when you had to go out, he was always mindful of you, unless he wanted to show off that you belonged to him, then he would mark up your neck so prettily for everyone to see. 

He kneeled on the floor, his nose on your thigh sensually caressing you all the way to your right knee, his hands hiking up the skirt of your beautiful dress and then resting now on your hips, exposing your undergarment. Then, one of his hands moved to hold the back of your thigh to put your leg on his shoulder. 

Since the moment he kneeled down on the floor, your mind played images of the countless times Jisung's face was hidden between your legs making you crazy, allowing you to see stars when his magical tongue brought you over the edge. It was inevitable to contain yourself, your pussy getting wet since he started pressing kisses on your legs, torturing preparing you for the orgasm he would soon bring you.

A sigh escaped your lips as you let yourself enjoy the moment, he was holding your other leg open with his hand, allowing him full entrance to your now ruined panties. You were lucky you decided to match the pretty dress with your favorite set of lingerie. He hummed in approval when he saw your wetness.

He had you whimpering lowly, you knew you had to keep quiet but as time passed and Jisung decided to admire and tease you instead of doing something to you, you were starting to grow a little impatient.

"Babe…" you cried out, looking at him with pleading eyes "I need you," but he didn't seem like he wanted to pay attention to your cries.

"You need me? Why, baby? What do you need me for?" he answered, his deep voice making you close your eyes and his words provoking a slight blush on your face.

"I'm so wet for you, please…" you said. It was an obvious answer since he could see the mess he made of you. "Want you to eat me out, please…"

His fingers passed through your needy sex, making you sigh one more time. He grunted, but instead of moving your delicate panties to the side, his face got closer and he pressed a sweet kiss on your mound. When he was done teasing you, he moved away and finally started taking off that piece of lingerie, removing your leg from his shoulder and placing it there again once he had freed you from it.

His lips came in contact with your throbbing cunt, making you groan in satisfaction when his tongue skillfully, dragging it from the center of your wetness, taking a sweet moment to taste you and then going for his objective, his arms around your legs to keep you in place for him to torture you oh so deliciously.

You cursed, eyes closed as you permitted him to pleasure you like he knew you adored, your hand pushing him towards you as an encouragement to keep doing what he was doing, and he never stopped. Your hole throbbed, his tongue went up and down, he sucked and teased with his teeth as well, the sensations overwhelming you but becoming more and more intense, Jisung could clearly hear how you were coming apart and losing your mind from the silent posture you wanted to maintain, but he just loved your moans and heavy breathing when he flicked his tongue a certain way, and how you pulled his hair and you tried to arch your back. You were so beautiful, and to him there was nothing better than to see you like this, so flustered and sensitive from how hard he was going to make you cum.

Feeling how you started to shake, one of your hands flew to your mouth when you knew that you wouldn't be able to resist any more of the sweet torment you were a prisoner for, and suddenly, white hot pleasure numbed you and all you could do was lay there, pulling his hair locks and shaking slightly. Jisung never stopped his attack on you, the overstimulation caused by his tongue provoking a few tears from escaping the corners of your eyes, it felt like something new, like you had unblocked a new level of extasis.

Your high finally ended, and just when Jisung heard you breathing again he slowed down. You hadn't realized he put a hand on top of the one over your mouth to help quiet your cries, but you were certainly thankful that he'd done it, because if he hadn't, your neighbors would think he was ending your life or torturing a poor animal, or even worse, you would have a little girl banging on the door thinking you were hurt or something.

"You taste so good, my love, and you were so good to me too, enjoying how I played with your clit" he murmured, wiping his chin from your essence and standing up from the floor, looking at you with those lusty eyes you'd gotten to know so well, "but I still want you to come on my cock too. Look at me, look at the effect you have on me, Y/N…"

Your hand left his hair to clean your sweaty forehead, you tried your best to look at him when he ordered you to, his pants with an obviously painful erection, your eyes not failing to notice a dark spot that could be seen in the fabric.

Jisung undid the button and unzipped his pants, then slipped a hand under his dark boxers to pump himself, grunting from the touch of his hand against his dick, it was a majestic view you had only seen one time in the shower when he was horny but didn't wanted to wake you up.

It had been after a stressful night at the club full of young college students, he went straight to the shower after arriving home and the sound of the water hitting the tiles of the bathroom woke you up. You had sneaked to the bathroom, curious of the complaining noises Jisung made, and there you found him, with his eyes closed, a hand against the wall and the other around his dick moving slowly while he bit his lip, the water droplets running through his naked body making him appear like a Greek God. You kept staring at him working on himself maybe a little too much, because he ended up discovering you and then fucking you carefully in the shower. Truly, an incredible experience that even if it had been a little difficult to manage, you felt it was so worth it.

Finally undressing himself, Jisung stood up between your legs again, his hand on your stomach and he bent to kiss your forehead sweetly.

"You ready, baby?" he asked, waiting for any signal that could mean a positive or negative from you. One of his hands looked for yours to intertwine your fingers. You nodded, swallowing as you thought how good it was to have him filling you, and second later, he did just that. He stretched you as he entered you slowly, his hand squeezing yours next to your head while his other supported his weight, a quiet moan coming from his lips.

"Oh shit, Jisung! Fuck, you feel so good, please" your broken voice managed to speak.

You waited for him to move, but he asked you instead if you trusted him, and simple as that he shifted and now he was standing, your legs around his waist and arms around his neck, his hands on your eyes as he walked somewhere, the destination being your tiny balcony. You thought he wouldn't dare step outside, but he did and the cold air hit you, and not only that, but Jisung also pressed you against the cold glass door of the balcony.

"You better keep quiet, dove, or you'll get us discovered" he warned, proceeding to fuck you slowly as the moonlight illuminated you.

Two mornings after, you showered and got ready to eat breakfast. Jisu was already awake watching some cartoons as her dad hummed while he finished cooking her lunch. "Good morning," you said, going to kiss Jisung's lips and sitting to drink coffee.

"Hey, sweetheart. How do you feel?" Jisung corresponded to your greeting, giving you a quick wink before turning his back to the almost completed food.

"I'm okay, not too tired. Thanks for the coffee, babe. Are you ready for work?" you asked him. He laughed, but he admitted that he was actually nervous since it was something he was very passionate about, it made you happy to see him following his dreams.

When you were done with breakfast, the three of you went to the car, you would drop Jisung first at his friend's company, and then you would leave Jisu at the kindergarten, and you would go to your classes as usual.

"Have a nice first day, Sungie. Love you, I'll see you at home"

"Goodbye, daddy!"

"Thanks, beautiful. Behave well, princess. Love you both" and after you left him, you drove to Jisu's school.

She was always happy to go, she always talked about how her teacher was so pretty and smart, and you couldn't blame her. He was very charming, you would admit, and not only was he nice to the children he teached, but he also cared for the parents too and let everyone know that they could count on him, he was such a lovely spirit, you thought it was a shame Jisung hadn't met him yet, since it was you always dropping Jisu and then going to college while Jisung stayed home and slept after the long and tiresome club nights.

Turning off the car, you got out of the car and opened Jisu's door, helping her out and then walking hand in hand as she excitedly told you that she couldn't wait to see her favorite teacher in the whole world.

"Good morning, Y/N, Jisu" his smooth voice reached your ears when you arrived at the classroom. More kids and parents were saying their goodbyes, luckily Jisu always showed that she was brave and never spent too long hugging you goodbye, too eager to go play with the others kids to mind if you stayed too long after or not.

"Hey, good morning, teacher. How was your weekend?" you asked him, trying to be polite and show that you were a friend for him if he needed to talk just like he was for everyone else.

"Oh, Y/N, I've told you you can just call me Hyunjin, and my weekend was good, thanks for asking. How was yours?" he asked back, looking at your slightly colored cheeks with an adorable eye smile as he reminded you once again to call him by his name.

"My weekend was also nice, thank you, Hyunjin. How-" you were about to say something more, but your alarm that indicated you should better be leaving for your class rang. "Oh, I'm sorry, it seems like I should be leaving for class! See you later."

The professor nodded in understanding, and you turned and left, careful with your steps to not trip and fall to the ground. When you successfully got into your car, you breathed in and exhaled, preparing yourself for the rest of the day.

That was how your new routine was created; first, Jisung woke up and made breakfast, then you dropped him at work and took Jisu to school and you went to college and once you were done with classes you picked up Jisu and went to work at the coffee shop where you would meet with Jisung and the three of you would get home, some weekends still going on trips and enjoying as much time together as you could.

A few months into the new routine, when you were dropping Jisu at school Hyunjin asked you to stay a little more, explaining that there was an upcoming school trip and he was asking you to go as a supervisor. You thanked him, saying that you would try your best to accompany him and the class as well, and sooner than you had expected, the day arrived and Jisung and you were more than ready to go to the aquarium with a lot of other kids and few parents.

The trip was fun, if you had to admit. Seeing all the fish swimming and getting to know more about them was very interesting, and many kids agreed with you when you said that mermaids were very lucky to live underwater with many beautiful species.

Later, Hyunjin announced that it was time for lunch, so everyone had a break to sit down and eat. You were sitting with Jisung next to you, he was drinking from a juice box when Hyunjin approached you and sat with the two of you, addressing you and ignoring the man next to you.

"You're incredibly good with kids, Y/N, and it really shows. They seem to like you a lot" he said, placing a hand on your shoulder, his eyebrows raised as he spoke.

"Well, thank you. I like being with kids, actually, I've always wanted a big family" you shyly responded, looking at Jisung through the corner of your eye. You thought he would react somehow, but he was too focused looking at the kids who were playing near you.

"Well, you're still young and you seem pretty put together to be a single mother… If you look further you might find someone you could share your life with and get married" Hyunjin mumbled, turning from you to look at his class running around the cafeteria.

"Single mother?" you repeated, eyebrows furrowed as you repeated his words on your head again.

"What? Since when are you a single mother?" Jisung's voice reached your ears, making both you and Hyunjin turn to him. "I thought… I thought I was her father?" his voice cracked, making you open your eyes wide in confusion.

"Aren't you her uncle?" Hyunjin asked, finally acknowledging his presence.

"No, Jisung is Jisu's dad. I'm… I'm not a single mother, I'm Jisung's girlfriend, not… Jisu's biological mother" you explained to the teacher in a quiet voice to not get any attention from the other adults near you.

"You're her dad? I'm so sorry, I always saw Y/N leaving Jisu and picking her up, I thought… I thought you and her were all by yourselves. I…" Hyunjin's hand flew to cover his mouth, he seemed so ashamed from his quick assumptions that his face started picking a pink tone. "I wanted to invite you to a date, Y/N. You're a fantastic parental figure to Jisu and– and you're so beautiful, too… I have a big crush on you, I'm sorry…"

You wanted to answer to his apologetic words, but you were too shocked to say anything, not knowing what words would be appropriate to speak so you turned to Jisung to see what he had to say in regards to this situation instead.

"Look, I can't blame you for liking her. She really is magnificent and I'll never get to comprehend how lucky I am for being by her side. I'm sorry, Hyunjin, but I'm sure one day you'll find someone like Y/N you can love" the sincerity and affection carried on his words made you look down and stare at his hand that had moved moments before to hold yours, you already knew but you loved him and how sweet he was.

Hyunjin smiled at your boyfriend and then cleared his throat, "thank you for saying that. You two make a lovely couple, but… if you ever get to break up, you know where I work, Y/N" he winked, moving to stand up and walk away to get the class's attention and continue the tour.

Neither of you spoke a word about Hyunjin's misinterpretation of your civil state after the trip. Sure, it had shocked you at first, but you brushed it off as something not that important. What you didn't know was how badly those words were torturing Jisung's brain. He stayed up most of the night that day, an arm around your shoulders as you peacefully slept on his chest, his head running wild with thoughts about you and how much you changed his life.

That's how he finally gathered the courage to talk to Chan and Changbin about marriage; he knew he loved you, he knew you were a highlight of his life along with Jisu and he was a witness to how much you and she liked each other. He couldn't ask for anything more, and besides, maybe having a ring on your finger would help you stop getting flirted with when you already shared a life with him, because after all, you were young and full of life, many people approached you and asked you for a drink at college or they also asked for your number at work, and the idea of getting married to you excited him more than it scared him, so why not propose to you?

His friends supported his choice, Chan and Changbin had gotten to know you a little more and you got along with them together, they supported you and Jisung and they also offered to babysit Jisu to give you private time together. They were very considerate, and not only that but they could feel how much Jisung adored you in every lyric of any song inspired by you.

So a few months later, one tranquil Friday evening after work when his friends dropped him off at the coffee shop that was nearly empty (except for the owners, Jeongin, Chan, Changbin and for some reason Seungmin too) you were surprised by his cautious behavior.

Jisu was sitting on Changbin's lap when Jisung took your hand and made you walk to the middle of the place, clearing his throat nervously while still holding your hand, making eye contact with you when he started speaking:

"Y/N, this is where we met a long time ago, and this is where everything began that day when I asked you if you could do me a favor. It was the start of our story together, and after spending many days and nights with you I'm more than certain that I love you. I loved you that day, and I will still love you tomorrow, so would you marry me?" He finally ended his speech with a knee on the floor, Jisu next to him handing him a small velvet box that he opened, revealing a beautiful ring inside.

You were more than surprised now, staring at his kneeled form with teary eyes, a hand covering your mouth as you simply nodded in response to his question, and then he placed the ring on your finger, kissing your hand and then standing up to kiss you sweetly, making your heart melt.

"Thank you, Y/N. I love you so much" and after that, everyone rushed to congratulate you two, creating beautiful memories for you.

That Friday, Jisu clung to her uncle Changbin's neck and waved goodbye at you and your now fiancé, saying that she couldn't wait to go to the fair the next day with him, making you laugh and kiss her forehead goodbye, thanking Changbin (and Chan too) for taking care of her and taking her places.

When you arrived home with Jisung that night, you couldn't help but smile like you did when he kissed you the first time, it was a satisfactory feeling, to know that he loved you as much as to ask you to be a permanent part of his life. You were clingy to him, which also made his heart flutter when you pecked his lips or giggled when he touched you gently, but behind the closed door of the apartment he wasted no time and kissed you hungrily, like a caveman trying the most delicious thing in the world.

You breathed in, corresponding to his rude kiss, your hands on his face and his resting on your waist.

"You have no idea how happy it makes me to know you're gonna be only mine, sweetheart. Just mine," he whispered, his breath against your cheek when he separated from your lips to tell you that. He had pressed you against the door as soon as he locked it, attacking your lips like it was his only mission and then going down your neck, leaving a warm trace of kisses burning your skin.

This time, he paid no mind to the 'no marks' unspoken rule he had given himself, sucking on your neck with the sole intention of leaving evidence of the passionate night the two of you would be having to celebrate your engagement, and you couldn't complain. He had given you the ring you thought you would get in a few more years, you might as well show that you're already taken to anyone who crossed your way, it turned you on a little more, if you had to be brutally honest. Seeing Jisung being possessive of you always made you feel like you were one of his priorities, and also showed you that he had no intention in leaving you alone any time soon.

Moving your head to the side to allow him more access to your neck, his hands started taking your jeans off and were now running through your belly under your shirt, touching everything he could as he kept marking you.

"You're only mine now, baby" he growled, separating from you to take off your shirt and look at your almost naked figure, his eyes with a heavy lusty shadow on them.

"... Just yours" you repeated, closing your eyes and taking his face to kiss him with the same passion he did when the door closed behind you.

Your hands rested on his chest, fingers trying to unbutton his shirt, successfully failing at completing the task when he separated from you, placing one of his hands on top of both of yours and pinning them above your head, resting against the cold door while his other hand slipped through your panties.

He groaned when he felt your growing wetness, he found your clit instantly and rubbed it, making you sigh in satisfaction until his hand went down further and he inserted two fingers inside you, this time dragging a gasp from your lips when your walls felt the introduction of his digits. It felt nice, but you knew his cock would feel better inside you, you loved how he filled you.

Pumping his fingers slowly, you started moaning, letting yourself enjoy his treatment. His mouth left kisses on your clavicle, then your chest and when you least expected it, he was pulling your bra down with his teeth and sucking on one of your nipples, his fingers never stopped their work on you causing you to become a wet, moaning mess with twitching legs until you finally came, crying out Jisung's name when your high hit you.

He kept pumping his fingers, having discovered that you did actually like when he overstimulated you once and since then doing it from time to time, this being one of them, and when you blinked your orgadm away, the pulled them from you, loosening his grip on your wrists and licking his fingers clean from your juices as he hummed.

You thought he would be done, you thought he would like to go to bed and fuck you until you screamed his mess in the comfort of your king size bed, but apparently Jisung had other plans in mind, as he undressed his shirt and threw it to the floor with your clothes and pulled you by the arm to the back of the couch, turning you and pushing your back so you were bending over it, his knee between your legs separating them and keeping you from closing them. He started taking your underwear off, his fascinated lusty eyes appreciating how wet you were, practically dripping.

"I wish you could see yourself, you look so lovely, all ready to take me after I made you cum with my fingers. I bet I can make you cum like that again, would you like that?" He asked.

You gulped, "N-no, I want your cock, please fuck me with your cock!"

"My needy baby, so cute. It's 'kay, I'll make you cum around me sweetheart" he responded while his hands caressed your ass lovingly until you couldn't feel them anymore. Soon, you heard him pull his zipper down, anticipating what was yet to come.

"Are you ready, angel?" He asked, pressing the tip of his cock against your throbbing entrance. You nodded, and he started pushing himself inside your velvety walls, stretching you.

With a growl, his hands held you in place by your hips, making sure you wouldn't move from the position he had you in as he started pulling out, ready to repeat the process, meanwhile you were holding a pillow for dear life as your breath got caught in your throat as you waited for him to set up a pace with his hips.

Jisung started slowly, enjoying how you felt around him and loving the way you took him in, looking at how he disappeared which caused him to moan. You, on the other hand, had to resist the urgency of moving. You remember telling Jisung that you wanted him to bruise your cervix, saying that you wouldn't mind new things to which he agreed quickly.

Maybe that was why he had started more than the usual missionary, you were thankful that he kept it in mind, and now surprising you by taking you on the couch, in front of the turned off TV where you could see your blurry reflection getting wrecked from behind by him, it felt incredible.

"You feel so good, I'm so glad your pussy is just mine" he moaned, stopping for a brief second to take your right leg and rest it on the couch to hit a deeper spot inside you, making you start tearing up from pleasure.

"A-all yours" you cried out, inevitably clenching around him when you repeated what he said. You saw his cocku smile through the black mirror that was the TV.

"Ah, J-Jisung, harder!" you demanded with a whine when he found your g spot, the detonator to your best orgasms.

The sudden sting from his hand landing on your butt cheek shocked you, making you moan. "Where are your manners, baby? I thought you were my good angel" he said, starting to slow down the speed that had increased since he started thrusting.

"Please, go hard-harder" you corrected yourself, and once he heard the magic word he instantly did what you had asked of him, provoking you to moan each time he reached where you wanted him, and soon you were clenching around him, legs shaking and walls hugging him tightly causing him to near his climax as well.

It took a few more thrusts for him to find his release, but when he did you felt him filling your insides with his warm seed, a sexy groan coming from his chest and his fingers leaving a bruise on your hips from holding you too hard.

Pulling out from you, he pushed his fingers inside your pussy to keep his cum from hitting the ground, then he carefully pushed you on the couch and walked around it to cuddle with you in his arms.

"I love you" he told you, his hand petting your hair innocently (as if he hadn't fucked your lungs out 5 minute ago).

"I know," you answered, kissing his chest and tightening your arm around his torso in a half hug.

"Let's stay like this for a few minutes and then we can bathe, okay?" you hummed in agreement, enjoying the comfortable silence between the two of you until any of you felt gross enough to want to get cleaned.

You didn't know how much time had passed, but when you realized Jisung wasn't with you any more you stood up looking for him, only to find him filling the tub, a few aromatic candles lighted up, a delicious smell reaching your nostrils. You saw the bathtub was almost all full, so you decided to surprise Jisung by wrapping your arms around his back.

"Let's get cleaned up, what do you say, sweetie?" He said, removing your arms from him and stepping into the warm water, opening his arms for you.

You rolled your eyes, but copied him anyway and rested your back in his chest. The water relaxed your muscles, the candle's scent helped you feel almost like in heaven, and Jisung arm made you know you were safe. Everything was so sweet, until you felt something else poking your lower back.

With a raised eyebrow, you faced your partner with a silent explanation only to find him staring at the love bites on your neck, but you opted for not commenting anything about it.

"You know… I really love you and I'm happy that you accepted to be a part of my life," he said, his deep voice and serious tone getting your attention, so you faced him to hear all he had to say.

"I remember you told Hyunjin that you wanted a big family, and… I know Jisu wouldn't mind having a sibling. I believe now would be a good time to have a baby of our own, but only if you agree with me, honey" he smiled, kissing your shoulder.

"Are you serious?" you asked him after processing his words in your head. He nodded, his hand playing with yours as he waited for you to say something else.

"I would love to, Sungie. I already consider you and Jisu as my family, hell, I feel happy when she tells her friend I'm her mom. So yes, if you're really sure, I want to do it. Let's have a baby" you smiled excitedly, moving to kiss his lips sweetly.

"Then we should keep practicing, shouldn't we?" He joked, winking at you after you ended the kiss. You hit him playfully, giggling at his question.

From joking about it, you two ended up having sex on the tub and staying there until the water got cold and the candles lighted out, and yet, when you were cuddling in bed ready to sleep, you couldn't stop smiling. It had been a fantastic day and even better night and early morning.

Next morning when Jisung saw you walking to the kitchen with his shirt on, he kissed your lips and greeted you with a "good morning, future Mrs. Han," a plate of pancakes in front of you.

"I'm so lucky to have you" you told him, to which he replied with "I'm so lucky to be loved by you."

And you decided that this was pure happiness, you didn't have anything to worry, and you loved your family and your friends a lot, you were almost done with college and starting to plan a wedding. Maybe you weren't rich, but you had everything you wanted and maybe a little more.

After all, engraved in the ring Jisung gave you, it said "for my soul mate", so you had him, for as long as time lasted, and he had you, the missing piece of the puzzle of his life.

You complemented each other, and comprehended each other. What you two had could be considered 'true love', and you were thankful to the universe for placing this single dad in your life, showing you what happiness, and what love was.

"I can't wait to marry you" you sighed, daydreaming about how you wanted the wedding to be.

"And I cannot wait to call you mine legally" he responded, kissing your cheek.

"I've always been yours"

"That's good, because you'll always be mine in the future as well. No quitting now, babe!"

[aohendo]

ello

i have a question actually if ya dont mind, how do you go about writing? just like in general, do you start before having a WIP intro, how soon do you start talking abt it/writing it, how much do you prep, literally all and any advice would be appreciated tysm <3

Hey, buddy!

I'm gonna preface this with the usual disclaimer of "what works for me might not work for you because human brains are squishy and cool" and all that good stuff. Pick and choose or completely disregard, as with all writing-related stuff, the choice is yours!

This is long, so hold onto your boots and here we go.

The concept stage is normally pretty straightforward for me. I'll be trying to take notes in class, at work, whatever, and my brain'll wander off and go "okay, but--but what about a giant pack-moose?" and bam, off I go (re. Prince for Hire). In this stage I'll normally develop the main character(s) or the situation/setting--whichever the stray thought fairy didn't grant. That'll usually take the form of scribbling out a few characters' names to get a sense of the time period/language-base (Kiris was the first character, but Iiriok Nelovskevouk of Dargoulvga was the first named character, and his name accordingly set my naming practices for the Novgor Plateau). If I had a character first, I'll come up with a setting/situation I think would challenge them. Once I have an idea of a character and situation (and realize, when I say "idea," it really might just be a name) I'll scribble out a page with that person/setting. So, for Prince for Hire, that makes the first scene I ever wrote for it Kiris escaping in a queen's bathtub across a giant lake because the queen just discovered he was a conman. Did I keep that scene? Myeh.

Nominally from there I'll try and rough out a plot. Having spent considerable time reworking Attenuate/Reverberate because I didn't rough in a plot, this is the one step I really would recommend you consider doing. By "rough out", I mean I came up with a few vague plot points. For Prince for Hire, there are only four I'm working with: 1) Kiris enters the competition to rule the Plateau; 2) Kiris teams up with Batar and eliminates the competition; 3) Iiriok is accused of being an imposter, convinces the empress otherwise, and Kiris volunteers to help Iiriok find the imposter; 4) Iiriok wins. Not much of an outline, really. But I've found that if I try and get any more specific than this, I won't end up writing it because I'll have tricked myself into already knowing what's going to happen. That said, I absolutely recommend you choose yourself a favorite plot structure (Save the Cat, Three Act, Five Act, whatever) and keep its major scenes in the back of your head. Vaguely adhering to a structure will make drafts two and three a helluva lot easier.

Once I've got a vague direction for the plot, I'll jump in and start writing. I personally use Word with default settings, as that's what I've been writing in since elementary school. I try and start near the front of the story, not caring much about the opening chapter, because I figure it's free words and the opening chapter will change. TBH not worrying about making the opening chapter at all remotely interesting helps me make everything behind the "opening" interesting. As I start to figure out the characters, maybe doing some more worldbuilding on the side, scenes I actually want to write start rolling in. I'll divert to go write those in what's usually a separate document (like an AU). After about 10k in the original document, I'll have a pretty good idea of whether or not the story is going where I want it to go. In the case of Prince, it wasn't, so I shelved the very first attempt at it and then started adding directly to the "AU" doc with all the changes I wanted to make.

I find I write best in the mornings or the evenings, and that afternoons are slow AF unless there's something else I should be doing, in which case, we're good to go. Depending on how fascinated I am staring at the blinky cursor, I'll handwrite. Handwriting for me also works well because it takes effort for me to read my own handwriting, so there's no chance of self-editing while I'm going for it.

On the topic of self editing, for first drafts what I like to do when I know something is going to need reworking, or need a hint input before, or is missing something, or I just really want to skip to the next scene ('cause again, I prefer the linear thing when possible), I'll stick it in <<>> triangle brackets. It's easy to search. Some people I've heard use a word, like elephant. Others use square brackets. Whatever shape you like best, just the key is that you want it ctrl-f -able. Putting things in brackets makes it so editor me doesn't butt in on creative me's time. It's gotten to the point where I even do it while handwriting, as a note for when I type it up to consider dealing with it (or, again, pass it off to draft two future me. I owe future me several coffees for all my little <<triangle notes>>).

Somewhere in here I'll try and come up with a synopsis type thing. TBH these usually turn out more as query-letter type things for me, but whatever. That's what the WIP intros for Attenuate and Prince for Hire are. These I've found help guide me, and keep in aligned with the general tone of the piece. If you'd like, I'd be happy to try and wrangle up the advice I used for writing those.

If I realize I'm having some trouble wrangling the character (mostly apparent to me by the 15k mark), I'll pause, break out the notebook, and play arm-chair psychologist with them. What I'm looking to find in these sessions is a version of the classic "goal-want-need." I don't like being that structured though, so for me I go with Goal 1&2, Surface Belief 1&2, Actual Belief 1&2, and Need. At the bottom are the pages I did for Madison (Attenuate/Reverberate) and Kiris (Prince), and what that looks like in my OneNote. Their need--and the beliefs they need to overcome to get there--will give me the overarching emotional direction of the plot.

TBH I'm pretty sloppy on my worldbuilding. I usually figure it out as I write the first draft. Did I know that tea was going to be a very important, entirely truthful ritual for the princes' competitions? Nope. Not until I needed to kick the plot into gear and hit Kiris with the inciting incident, then bam, Prince Nazvili was ordering him to tea and he was freaking out because that isn't the way things are done.

Throughout this entire process, I'll also keep a running checklist of things to-do. These are things I'll usually <<note>> somewhere in the actual first draft manuscript, but which apply to the manuscript as a whole rather than that one specific section. Basically, if it's going to require a major change or continuity for longer than three paragraphs, it gets a to-do box.

Sometimes, I'll find that what I have just isn't working. That's what the "stuff I 2022" document is for! It's a hodgepodge of ctrl-x'd things from every project I've worked on this year that just weren't working in the main manuscript. Like a shipyard, I guess. All the words still exist if it turns out I want to add them back in or need to reference something, but they're basically in the recycle bin. The things added here vary in length from a sentence to a 30k segment (although the longer items generally only happen during later drafts).

Finally, the real way I keep the ball rolling? Work on it every day. Sometimes "work" will be that one miraculous 5k day. Sometimes it'll be half a word (actually though. There was one point in Reverberate where I just didn't have the mental energy to really work on it, so I tapped in the "Th" of "this" and that was it). Sometimes "work" will be coming up with characters, or figuring out worldbuilding, or dealing with some of the <<notes>>, or even just adding a comma. If it somehow progresses the WIP, it's work.

Anywho, like I said, that was long AF. I hope it helps, and never hesitate to ask questions :)

The armchair studies for Madison and Kiris. If you can read these, I salute you.

[image IDS: two graph paper pages full of scribbly handwriting. Both begin with Wants… Believes… Believes… sort of in columns. They continue, with white space, answering back and forth questions which grow increasingly personal. End id]

[thesmutbasement]

Welcome to The Control Room: Dom/Sub action to scratch that itch!

Everything here in The Smut Basement is for 18+ friends only! Minors and unverified persons will be blocked. Please heed ALL author warnings when you click a link.

Dave York (Equalizer 2)

Dulcis Part 1 & Dulcis Part 2 by @juletheghoul (Reader is a 2nd grade teacher and has to call Mr. & Mrs. York when their daughter Alice punches a boy at school. Dave sets his sights on the teacher and slowly draws her into his web, despite the fact that she's engaged. He's controlling and hot and kind of scary. This is hot Suburban Murder Daddy at his best!! -Claire)

Make Your Bed, Then Lie In It (Part 1) by @criticallyacclaimedstranger (Well, apparently Claire enjoys a good mean!Dave York fic, because this was so hot that Claire promised herself she wasn't going to read it until she was finished with homework, but her little fingers just danced right over to the link during a "short break" and now here we are. I hope you're happy... because I SURE AM!! --Claire)… (And now we have been blessed with Part 2 and Claire is now a small puddle of just yearning and horny.)

We Can Do Better by @underwood0723 (Dom!Dave York x reader/wife, and he goes HARD and FILTHY. Please heed the warnings! And I'm a little scared, because Mary said she "didn't go full filthy" so now I'm wondering just what to expect now? Help?--Claire)

Wicked by @criticallyacclaimedstranger (This dom!Dave York piece was so hot that it made Claire break her "Friday" fic rec list and do a whole new Monday edition. It also made the author start writing more Dave York, so win-win for all of us!)

Din Djarin/Mando (The Mandalorian)

Drabble/Thots about Din by @frannyzooey (Please say a prayer and light a candle for Claire's coochie, it died from horniness after reading this very short, VERY HOT Ask about Din and ropes and goddamn, that was HOT. -Claire)

Just This Once by @mcfreakin-bxtch (This is a mean!Mando fic with a real hot fuck right up against the wall of the ship. Definitely need to keep a cold glass of water nearby while you read this, and maybe a fire extinguisher, too. Oh AND it’s just the first in the series. So have fun!! —Claire)

Rough Hands by @oscarseyebrow (Whoooo!!! This is pure, rough, decadent smut, and I loved every single word of it. Dom!Din welcoming wife!Reader home from her long work trip by roughing her up in the throne room? Come on… I didn’t have a chance against this fic. Give it a try!! -Claire)

Show Me, Feel Me, Teach Me by @parker-razor (Din's ship assistant is a virgin, and the truth comes to light one night during a drinking game. Parking this here in The Control Room because of the innocence kink, and Mando taking control in a soft!Dom way (soft!Dom until chapter 7, anyway) 🔥🔥🔥 to show her how good things could be. This was HOT!! As of this posting we're at 7 chapters. Can't wait for more! -Claire)

Marcus Moreno (We Can Be Heroes)

Yes Sir, Mr. Moreno by @absurdthirst (This is dom!Marcus Moreno and it is worth you clearing your schedule to read all 10k+ words. You will not be able to stand after reading this, like Claire, who temporarily lost function in her legs, so maybe clear a space to lay down, too.)

The Hammock by @radiowallet (This soft dom!Marcus Moreno two-parter is a part of Cat’s Poorly Wired Circuit series and if you haven’t read that yet then go to her masterlist, read that first, and then come back to read this. It is exactly what you think, sex in a hammock, but still every bit of exciting and HOT.) - Lauren

Step Into My Office, Baby by @deadhumourist (This delicious little one-shot features mean!Marcus Moreno doing some hardcore brat-taming when Reader storms into his office to protest some budget cuts. HOT HOT HOT! -Claire)

Marcus Pike (The Mentalist)

Show Me Your True Colors by @221bshrlocked (Marcus Pike needs help with a counterfeit case from female Reader/Art Professor. After an exciting interrogation of the suspect, she asks Marcus over to her place for dinner. Their discussion of her erotic paintings leads to a VERY HOT dom!Marcus showing us what he can do. This is worth you clearing your afternoon schedule to read about 4 times! -Claire)

Stressed by @generallybrontidefeelings (A soft dom!Marcus Pike series to make you forget all your stresses where all you can think about is him railing you into next week. Pun from the interlude included. You’ll see. ) - Lauren

Take Charge by @littlepadika (Marcus notices that his female co-worker is extremely overworked and under-appreciated. He knows that what she needs is to be taken care of, and he’s just the man to do it. When she offers to help him brush up on his interrogation techniques, things heat up! -Claire)

Unexpected by @outercrasis (This scratched every dom!Marcus itch I had. There is something to be said about him looking so….innocent but the man knows his color system. 🥵 This might be called Unexpected, but I expect nothing less than filthy goodness when it comes to Birdie.) - Lauren

Zach Wellison (Brothers and Sisters)

Good Day by @yespolkadotkitty (I want you all to understand that YPDK is the Queen of writing hot shit for some of the lesser-known-but-no-less-hot Pedro characters, and this Zach Wellison fic is a prime example! Reader asks Zach to dominate her a little and he delivers!! Oh good lord does he deliver! I've read it about four different times now. Four. Please go follow my lead. -Claire)

Jack “Whiskey” Daniels (Kingsman 2: The Golden Circle)

The Rest Of You by @ezrasbirdie (This was so fucking hot that I just about had an out of body experience. 🥵🔥 Birdie is the queen of writing smut. Just a warning: make sure you don’t have any plans after reading this one. Clear your calendar because all you’ll be able to think about is being tied up by this cowboy.) - Lauren

Whiskey's Bad Girl mini-series by @just-here-for-the-moment (Yeah, that's right, I'm posting my own hot shit here, because if you're after some HOT dom!Whiskey and how he punishes his "bad girl" then you're in for a treat! Shameless self-promotion, people! It's how we get eyeballs on our work!! -Claire)

Frankie “Catfish” Morales (Triple Frontier)

Buttons by @littlepadika and @beskarprincessjenny (Dom!Frankie brings me to my knees every goddamn time. You decide to be a little brat and rile him up to get him to be a feral mess while you’re out with his friends. Give me my punishment reward by allowing me to have their Frankie. This is a pussy clencher I’ll tell you that much, but you’ll just have to read and find out yourself.) - Lauren

To be continued...

Bottom of the Basement: Filthy Fic Recs Masterlist

[out-of-jams]

Hi, anon who sent the 'hate' message here. I did not mean to be rude, and I wasn't trying to say you need to write faster in any way, shape, or form. All I meant to say was that especially knowing about the pandemic and stress in your life, that it would be better not to set a release date until you know for sure it will be released at the time you promised. Just clarifying.

You may not have intended to come off as rude, but you did. My writing process isn’t something where I’ll add little tidbits here and there to what I’m working on over a few days or a week or a month. I write it all in one go. Take Spirited Away for example, I wrote all 10k of part one in a single night. And I’d planned on doing the same for HMC. I was going to write it all yesterday. And I had been planning to do so ever since I released both the teaser and the date.

I’m not psychic. I cannot predict the future. I thought I’d be able to get it out, but for recent personal reasons (as of a few days ago) I was unable to. Not that I owe you an explanation. But I’m giving you one because I care about all of my readers and I don’t want to disappoint you.

So please do not assume to know what is going on in my life. Or to assume that I knowingly set this release date and didn’t fulfill it on purpose.

I don’t think you understand how you came off as rude, so please allow me to elaborate. Like I stated previously, I do not owe you anything. When you say that I shouldn’t have set a release date if I’m unable to fufill it, is you assuming that I did it on purpose. That important things cannot come up out of nowhere and therefore cause delays. Have you ever had a school assignment that you needed to turn in late because you had something come up and you couldn’t do it? Have you ever needed to call out of work for personal reasons? You saying things like this to content creators comes off as entitled. Like we don’t have lives too. So please, rethink your words before you put them out into the world. You may not have meant to come off that way, so try and change your wording.

We write when we have the time to because it makes us happy. Key words here being: have the time to. So, I apologize for not being able to predict a world pandemic. For shit to go on lockdown.

Also, in case you were unaware, I live in NYC. Things aren’t going well here. I have other matters to attend to.

Waiting an extra week for a 10k fic won’t hurt you.

To quote a well known scholar: “People are dying, Kim.”