#this is too many and i may rewrite lordy )

[alistheir]

Verses - ( may be subject to edits )

canon verses

V;; stableboy: period between Alistairs birth, up bringing with arl Eamon, Templar training and Duncan's intervention.

V;; origins : can occur any time within the first dragon age game. In game choices will vary depending on what is discussed ooc with partners. Generally speaking however, will default with biowares canon of Alistair being king of Fereldan and will be verse V;; tbd. Highly suggest providing your timelines of your canon when discussing this with me pls and thank.

V;; warden: this verse is used for Alistair if he remains a grey warden after the first game. Affects events of DA:2 & DA:I respectively.

V;; betrayer: similar to the above but instead, Alistair remains a drunkard in DA:2 until Bann teagan retrieves him from the hanged man and returns to Fereldan as a stable hand once more for the arl. Aids the inquisition by attending to the horses in skyhold (DA:I)

V;; Silent Grove: deals with the events of the comics and alternate media (wip)

AU

V;; kingsgaurd - (Game of Thrones): after the fall of the mad king, royal house theirin crumbled from the alliance with aerys and all but the bastard child was left to be utilized to secure titles and property of the family, only then to be groomed to become a member of the kings guard. Alistair grows up in kings landing and is roughly 17 at the start of the books.

V;; for crows - ( The Witcher ): Fereldan is the eastern half of the continent where a curse grips the land since the conjunction of the spheres, creating undead creatures controlled by an ancient unseen force. Events similar to DA:O ensue now with the help of witchers. Alistair once again becomes king but with emphyr not far behind, civil wars for power ensue.

V;; Half blood - ( ACOTAR ): wip

V;; Hunted - ( Buffy the Vampire Slayer ): (wip) after failing to become a watcher, Alistair takes matters into his own hands and decides to take the hellmouth on by himself. Trouble ensues and inevitably he is rescued by the scooby gang.

V;; jokeking - ( King's Quest ): wip

[mintchochipkookie]

hiii so I know your post about how ridiculous the growing number of anti-zuko takes are was from months ago, but I somehow ran into a lot of them the other day and your post was a very necessary palette cleanser so. first of all thank you for that!! though you did mention that there’s 2 instances where you don’t think zuko’s particularly well-written, and I’m really curious as to what those are if you’d like to share

Ah, thank you Anon, that's so nice to hear. I get irrationally worked up when I see bad Zuko and Toph takes so that rant kinda just got away from me hahah

And yes, there are only 2 things I would rewrite about Zuko's entire arc. The first is a minor scene from the finale that quite frankly, didn’t need to be there at all? I think it was Br*ke’s attempt at humour and it makes me want to pull my hair out because the logic of writing that scene is beyond me. When they’re looking for Aang, Toph is talking about her relationship with her parents (or lack thereof) and Zuko just makes a face and basically tells her to shut up?????????? Have these men watched their own show I’m so–

Literally in the previous episode Toph and Zuko have a heart to heart about Iroh’s love for him, but suddenly let’s play Toph’s trauma up for laughs I’m actually getting so heated rn lmao. The overdramatic violins playing while she talks and the offhanded “worst field trip ever” while Zuko walks away, wow such writing much wow. How many decisions were made to write, animate, and include that in the final cut, and what did it add to the story? Jackshit, and it’s very uncharacteristic for Zuko, who has been nothing but empathetic and caring for a season and a half, so go figure.

The second one. sigh. I don’t even want to talk about it because someone will def jump on the bullshit narrative of me being a dumb salty ZK shipper. So I’m gonna give yet another disclaimer for this fandom. I’ve answered plenty of asks about this in the past too, and I’ve made it very clear that my feelings about the canon ships (and certain characters) were not affected by my love for Zutara, rather it was the other way round. While watching the show I certainly thought that there was a lot in the writing that implied Zutara, it wasn’t until I sat with the show for a couple of weeks that I realised actually really love the ship. I was angry at the end kisses and stand by the fact that no one should’ve kissed and coupled up, but the fact that it was those two…guys I just. Who allowed these men to write for television I’m crying.

Anyone who’s been here a while knows that I’m not much of a shipper and I’ve never shipped a non-canon ship before because I’m not one of those people who goes out of their way to find hidden romantic subtext between two characters who so much as exist in the same space. I’d much rather explore other relationship dynamics, and tend to get quite bored by romance in general.

So yeah, I stand by the fact that the two canon couples are completely antithetical to the show’s message, and ultimately Br*ke’s fixation on the other one is what led to the show’s end and their protagonist being absolute trash. Talking specifically about Ma/iko tho. Like. The whole point of making them date at the start of S3 was to show us how Zuko doesn’t fit into that life anymore and how it brings out the worst in him???? It was to show us how much he’s changed and how M/ai represents the core FN imperialistic ideologies and how Zuko disagrees with it on a fundamental level???????????? She literally calls him a traitor for defecting, like what. And then suddenly “she loves him more than she fears Azula” (oh lordy I could go on for hours about how that was another completely fucking wasted opportunity to explore an interesting dynamic between the FN girls. And also how that line makes no sense for Mai, and if anyone was scared of Azula, it was Ty Lee but oh well). And then cut to the end scene and they’re making out again without having addressed any of the actual issues in their relationship??? Cool. I hate it here. Reach for your dreams kids, cuz if these men can be successful “writers”, you can do anything!!!!

[pinkletterday]

Writer's Year In Review

This year has been a revelation. I went from deeply, irrevocably believing I can't write fiction at all to knowing that I'm actually pretty good at it!

It's given me the confidence to find work as a freelance writer and editor in real life, after years of unemployment and anxious paralysis resulting from chronic illness and trauma. A lot of other factors also helped but the fic writing played a huge role in getting my shit together.

General Fic Stats:

Word Count on AO3: 92284

Fics posted to AO3: 23

Favourite Fic:

Kiss It Better (Westallen).This fic is my baby. I love little Iris and little Barry in it so much, the hurt and confusion in each other they attempted to heal, how that healing carried into their adult love and family. It will always and always be my favourite thing I have ever written. Wee!stallen is my jam, and the reason I ship them so damn hard.

Do Not Go Gentle (Westallen). Ngl, I love this for the sheer amount of truly gratifying comments. Every single one of them have been emotional and flaily. It all makes me feel like I may have finally levelled up. Hallelujah. xD

Funniest Fic:

The Care and Feeding (Queenwestallen). This is my ultimate OT3. This fic, written as a list and discussion is 95% humour and contains some of my best banter and (I feel) characterization. An element I'm really proud of is how I managed to center and include all their important non-romantic relationships in their conversations. Iris's boisterous female friends, Oliver's friends, Cisco and Caitlin's snarky commentary all shoehorned themselves into the list with hilarious and wholesome results. 

It's not a popular OT3 but I feel like it's a good first attempt to drag this ship to water. xD

Cutest Fic:

Dancing Queen (Olivarry). Even after a year this contiues to be the fic with the highest kudos ratio (except for the more recent one) and the second most bookmarked. I love getting comments on this because they are all some variation of "my teeth hurt. I have diabetes!" xD Well, I did build it around a rainbow sprinkle icing sugar donut, but there is a significant dollop of angst there in the middle. A flangst donut.

Your Vigil In My Keeping (Westallen). This fic has less than 200 hits but has the highest kudos ratio of all. I guess kid fic isn't everyone's cup of tea, but Wee!stallen is cute af yo. I headcanon the origins of Barry and Iris's steadfast partnership in this story, where her faith and belief in him is as strong as his protectiveness of her, all tied up in the language and innocence of children.

Kinkiest Fic:

WA Smut and Kink Collection. I literally just posted this yesterday lol. So far it's just a face-sitting short, but I have quite a few hard and soft kinks lined up. Westallen needs more hard smut tbh, and they have such a unique powerfully loving dynamic that every kink I'm writing has required me to come at it a little bit sideways with a whole lot of emotional focus.

Saddest Fic:

Three fics I can't choose from.

Do Not Go Gentle (Westallen). This is basically Iris's grief and fear in a raging tempest, and it's strongly implied that the future Nora has warned them of will come to pass regardless of what they do. The fact is that there already is and will be a timeline where Iris loses Barry, just as there must be one where she won't, because that is the nature of potentiality. 

The Paradigm of Uncertainty (Westallen). This was a drabble almost, that ruminates on the probability that speedsters do not erase timelines but abandon them, along those versions of their loved ones. It's as @rkwago's brilliant comment says: "Iris hurts in so many weird, cosmic ways that her life is almost an eldritch horror house," which is the most perfect description ever of what it means to be a time traveller's wife.

The Universal Constant (Gen, background WA). A lot of people find the way Barry goes off on Joe cathartic in this fic, and so do I. But it's not so simple. I don't think Joe was wrong to form the views he did, or that anyone was in the wrong really. As @sophiainspace pointed out, it's a mediation of grief and love, their parallels and continuations between parents and children and lovers. The fact that it takes Henry's death for Barry to find the adult language to articulate to Joe why he will always believe in his father's innocence is a tragedy that cuts three ways.

(This fic is also the reason I have a folder in my drive marked "how to get away with murder" and probably a likely reason to get me arrested one day. xD)

Most Popular Fic:

Strangers In The Cold (Coldflash). The Coldflash fandom is a joy to feed. This was my first smut fic which was preceded by an entire chapter of banter about nothing in particular (except it ended up establishing a background that gave birth to the Coldflash vs Olivarry polyam series) And holy wow, for a newbie writer, the response has been amazing. Looking back, I wince at a lot of writing mistakes and its undeniably rough, but it really bolstered my confidence.

(I feel a little guilty that all my other CF stories are still in my WiP folder while I update the polyam series at snail's pace.)

The Shape of Us (Westallen). I wrote this on tumblr half-asleep one night, half as a rambly headcanon...and woke up to literally one hundred freaking notes. What the hell. Now at over 260, it's the most popular fic I've ever posted on tumblr.

I never consciously intended it to be a body-positivity fic but apparently women really relate to the insecurities of growing older and watching our bodies change with marriage, children and the sheer hectic pace of life. Even my non-fandom friends reblogged it simply for its representation of "real women". Barry's response is my own wish fulfillment fantasy; the sort of total acceptance and validation that we wish we could hear it the times we can't find it in ourselves. In light of the virulent body-shaming Candice Patton has been subjected to ever since she was revealed to have gained a fuller figure in S5, I'm very glad to have written it.

Least Popular Fic:

Carry On (Gen) This character study of Oliver Queen only has 135 hits a year after posting, which is par for the course with gen. But has a solid 12% kudos ratio, which means it's probably as good as I think it is. It's one of my favourite and easiest fics I have ever written.

Love Me Like You Do (Olivarry) Lordy, if my first Coldflash smut filled me with confidence, my first Olivarry smutfic all but ruined it. I struggled with it for a long time, unlike SitC, which I suppose shows in the over-descriptions. I got carried away with the quipping and I guess Barry topping at all is really not popular with slash fans?

Still, I'm honestly toying with the idea of deleting and rewriting it. At least it was a learning experience - don't write smut unless it makes you feel horny yourself.  

Most Challenging Fic:

Do Not Go Gentle (Westallen). I think the reason stories you knock off in two hours are instantly popular while the ones you slaved over for weeks barely get any attention is because the process is reflected in the ease of reading. But this one is an exception. It was an absolute monster, taking three weeks and several revisions to wrestle into submission - and it paid off in spades!  Going by the response, I seem to have achieved the wow factor I was going for.

My only regret is that I posted it on tumblr before the last revision that finally made it work, so that too many readers saw the lacklustre version rather than the polished one.

Honorable Mention:

A Stitch In Time (Olivarry for now, eventual Queenwestallen) Baby's first multi-chapter! Admittedly chapters 3 and 4 have been languishing in my drive for a few months now and this thing has 100% more deleted scenes and outtakes posted to my tumblr than the actual story on AO3. But I'm so proud of it! I learned to write action scenes because of it, how to write climaxes, dream sequences, news articles and tell a story in several different formats. It made me rediscover my empathy for Felicity and write her as a PoV character, think deeply on Laurel Lance's losses and give voice to her struggles, and explore how a real friendship and understanding could evolve between Oliver and Iris out of their mutual love for Barry. (Centering female characters within manpain narratives, ftw! Otoh, I centered Iris so much it veered off the Olivarry rails into Queenwestallen territory on its own)

There is so much meaty conflict and delicious looming disaster in this story that I'm determined going to keep at it, even if slow and steady. If only to bring the light of Barry/Iris/Oliver into the world. xD

Holding On (Olivarry). This real-world disability AU deals with chronic and mental illness and the precariousness and personal demons of that reality. I tore out the rawest parts of my life for this fic and put them on display so that I couldn't bear to show it to anyone for a year after it was written.

I'm very glad I did finally brush it off and put it up because it has struck a chord with so many people, especially other Spoonies. The low number of hits on a fic that deals in hurt/comfort rather stings, as I can't help but think the disinterest is because of the "disability" and "neurodivergence" tags. But I still think it's one of the best things I've written and one I'll always be proudest of.

General Reflections:

Things I've learned over the past year of writing:

- Self-deprecation is not my friend. I need to be honest enough with myself to acknowledge when my writing is good, because either I self-validate and build confidence or I become a black hole of insecurity where validation goes to die. And if I think I'm a bit better than I actually am, it's not just okay but necessary to believe it.

- What I call writer's block is perfectionism, anxiety and physical and mental fatigue. If I don't eat, sleep, hydrate and acheive a relaxed mental state, I won't be able to write. 

- Momentum is more my friend than any amount of inspiration and motivation. Sitting my ass down and make it a habit to churn out X number of words a day, even bad writing, will do more to help me than polishing an idea to a high shine. 

- If I don't forgive myself for the stories I can't write I'll never write anything. I am doing this for free, to share the love and joy and therefore obligated to no one. 

- I'm capable of writing things I don't have the first idea how to write. My fingers on a keyboard can paint the picture my brain can't visualize. 

I don't believe in New Year's resolutions, but I am going to make it a personal goal to write at least 15k words per month, learn to stick to a posting schedule where possible.  and end next year with an additional 150k words posted. 

To everyone who follows this blog, commented, reblogged and liked my posts - I see and remember and appreciate every one of you. You're the reason I feel seen and valued and why I am motivated to keep writing through all the difficulties life throws at me. <3<3<3

[shelllessturtle]

Behind the scenes of this livetext: Mycroft gets a new phone and identifies Iago via haiku; Iago sees Hamilton; "Pride and Prejudice but in Starfleet" becomes a thing; Iago quits their job; SO MANY PUNS; and it turns out that Mycroft has never finished Avatar: the Last Airbender. A year in the making (I'm not even fucking kidding), I present you with: Iago Reads Wizards At War (lightly edited for ease of reading)

Mycroft: Better start bracing yourself for book 8 now

Iago: Oh sweet Jesus

Mycroft: There, no you can't say I didn't warn you

Iago: But you /know/ it's funnier when I get to threaten you with gruesome death!

Iago: Are you ready for this?

Iago: ...one of the chapter titles is "Acceptable Losses". /I/ am not ready for this.

Iago: Nita needs a vacation from her vacation. Nita sweetie...

Iago: "Neets, is it true he destroyed a whole alien culture in just ten days?" Carmela Rodriguez is my Patronus

Mycroft: Right?

Mycroft: She just keeps getting better

Iago: Roll call at the Callahan home: "three humans, one humanoid, one tree, and one giant bug" and I'm quietly cackling in public

Iago: "The centipede pointed a couple spare eyes at the Christmas tree." Taken out of context, I think that may be the most bizarre sentence I've ever read. In context, it makes perfect sense. I don't know which amuses me more.

Mycroft: Yesssss

Iago: "But her mom had loved those lilacs, and wouldn't be seeing them again." OKAY OW

Iago: Oh sweet minty Jesus

Iago: You weren't wrong.

Iago: And I wasn't prepared.

Mycroft: So not prepared

Mycroft: What's that in response to specifically?

Iago: Basically the entire series of events leading to Kit and Nita becoming Seniors

Mycroft: BASICALLY

Mycroft: IT'S ALL GONE TO SHIT

Iago: Descriptions of wizardries in action never fail to be beautiful

Iago: "The changes in the structure of space then start affecting the thought processes and reactions of all living beings in the area. Their behavior will start to become less and less rational...less committed to Life."

SHE WROTE THIS BOOK OVER A DECADE AGO HOW IS IT SO RELEVANT RIGHT NOW

Mycroft: Oh you have no idea

Iago: God help my soul

Mycroft: So yes, welcome to Tom's Wizardly PowerPoint of universal doom

Iago: I should just go see Moana again. It's far less depressing

Iago: "Uh-oh". Now Nita's getting in on it

Mycroft: Indeed

Iago: Looks like Nita's playing "fake it 'til you make it"

Iago: I don't know if that's good or bad, to be honest

Mycroft: Fairly characteristic tho

Iago: True

Iago: "...yet another lollipop sticking out of his face." That is the greatest description of someone with a sucker in their mouth that I've ever witnessed

Mycroft: Roshaun and his lollipop addiction

Mycroft: The real OTP

Iago: *chokes* oh my gOD

Iago: Sker'ret just called Nita "Senior". I think both Nita and I had a quick internal freak-out

Iago: THEY STILL HAVE BETTY CALLAHAN'S NUMBER IN THEIR HOME PHONE I'M GOING TO GO CRY IN A CORNER

Mycroft: ;__;

Iago: "The universe has started expanding too fast, and we have to stop it before it tears itself apart."

"Um. Okay, I see why you might need a few extra days off for that."

*slightly hysterical laughter*

Mycroft: Same

Iago: "Two weeks to save the universe". Sounds like an album title

Mycroft: I'd listen to it

Iago: "What /is/ grenfelzing, exactly?"

"It's kind of like emmfozing, but with chocolate."

Have I ever mentioned that I both hate and love your ability to quote these goddamn books at me when I ask questions?

Mycroft: I can't recall, but I'm glad to hear it

Mycroft: Also I mean that's the only canon explanation so really, what else could I say

Iago: But you quoted it /word for word/

Mycroft: Admittedly, that was at least partially For The Meme

Iago: I'll allow it

Iago: "...a brief, profound case of amnesia. They'd instantly forgotten why they were there" sounds like my life

Iago: Oh my god what is Spot doing with the TV

Iago: *whispers* How bad is it that my mind is currently in the gutter

Mycroft: Dataaaaaa

Iago: AM I JUST A PERVERT OR DOES THAT SOUND INCREDIBLY DIRTY

Mycroft: It's certainly something

Iago: "But most of the aliens are here for the cocoa plants." Well, I can't exactly blame them...

Iago: Carmela Rodriguez remains a gift

Iago: Oh god Ronan's back

Mycroft: Yessssss Carmela and Ronan

Mycroft: A dangerous combination

Iago: Ronan keeps the Spear in a pen

Iago: *checks date published*

Iago: Feels a bit Percy Jackson to me

Iago: Carmela has the insta-hots for Ronan. This is gonna be fun

Iago: "The fucking heir of an almighty something or other" is still a really good description for Roshaun. In case you were wondering if I had warmed up to him any more

Iago: WHALE

Iago: WHALE ON THE MOON

Iago: Whale On The Moon is the name of my new techno jazz band

Mycroft: Can I join?

Mycroft: I'll learn any new instrument you need

Iago: ...having thought about it, I'm legitimately not certain what instruments would be /played/ in a techno jazz band. So, I mean, if you want to learn the synthesizer...

Iago: Young Wizards book 8 alternate title: Wizards' Reunion

Iago: Lots of air quotes going on right now

Iago: ....I want Darryl's manual

Iago: "Where's your adjunct talent?"

"Playing with rocks, as usual."

Okay now I really want a puppy

Iago: "Twychild". Have I mentioned lately that the worldbuilding in these books gives me a case of the warm fuzzies?

Mycroft: Yesssss Tuyet and Nguyet

Iago: *whispers* Why is there a thought-voice talking in second-person in Kit's head

Iago: The description of Roshaun's living space send help

Iago: "A three-way collision between an antique furniture warehouse, a jewelry story, and a Gothic cathedral carved and decorated by the artistically insane."

Iago: So my brain has given Roshaun's father the voice of Mark Hamill.

Iago: There's a decent chance I'm going to just call him the Phoenix King

Iago: "Speaking truth to power is never 'out'." DAIRINE REMAINS GOD

Iago: (Also if I ever go to a protest I'm putting that on my sign.)

Mycroft: Yessss do it

Mycroft: And which kind of Mark Hamill are we talking here: Skywalker, Firelord or Joker?

Iago: Firelord. Thus the Phoenix King comment

Iago: Oh my god Dairine in the face of implications that she and Roshaun are ~involved~

Mycroft: Blessss

Iago: "You tell those people that they are completely nuts!"

Iago: Did...did Roshaun just /whine/ at his mother?

Mycroft: Yes

Mycroft: Not so dignified now

Iago: *falls off the table in laughter*

Iago: Oh god is Roshaun developing a Thing for Dairine

Mycroft: WELCOME TO THE MADDENING AMBIGUITY

Iago: MADDENING AMBIGUITY IS THE NAME OF MY NEW POLITICAL PUNK BAND

Mycroft: Bless

Iago: This is my favorite game

Mycroft: I know a fair few YW fans who have a particular talent for it

Iago: I have a list. I use them in my stories for bands my characters like

Mycroft: Most excellent

Iago: Ponch wants blue food

Mycroft: As do we all

Iago: I /could/ go for some blue Jolly Ranchers

Iago: Ponch, to Ronan: "You two just talk among yourselves."

Dog sass is best sass

Iago: "It's math, Kit, but not as we know it."

SHE. SHE JUST. SHE FUCKING DID THAT ON PURPOSE

Iago: I'm going to go curl up in a corner and cry with laughter now

Mycroft: Yup

Mycroft: What a nerd, right

Iago: Pot, kettle

Iago: Oh shit Sker'ret is having a fight with his parent

Iago: ...I currently have a desire to cuddle what amounts to a giant centipede. What have you done to me

Mycroft: The magic of Young Wizards

Iago: That was terrible

Iago: But, then again, I love terrible

Iago: Okay so the description of dark matter

Mycroft: Yes?

Iago: I feel like I have something crawling around under my skin

Mycroft: It's unsettling, isn't it

Mycroft: That gets worse

Iago: Oh god

Iago: "Nita for the first time actually saw someone else look out of Ronan's eyes. The expression was one of recognition coupled with a very controlled anger. The one who looked out had seen something like this before."

Oh. Shit. Oh /shit/.

Mycroft: Yessssss

Mycroft: Shit just got real

Iago: I am not prepared for this

Mycroft: Correct

Iago: GIGO

Mycroft: :D

Iago: "For transits like this, we temporarily rewrite the kernel that manages local gravity and mass in our solar system. It's no big deal."

oh my gOD

Iago: They are actually Dairine's children

Mycroft: They've been busy since we last saw them

Mycroft: And it's awesome

Iago: "A world of true computer wizards" get the fuck out

Iago: They're actually calling her Mother s e n d h e l p

Mycroft: RIGHT

Iago: I'm not crying you're crying

Mycroft: I'm not crying I'm eating a quaesadilla

Mycroft: The crying one must be you

Iago: Well I can't see to tell you so who knows

Iago: "Guys," [Dairine] said after a moment, "you make me proud."

"That is our other purpose," Beanpole said. "Our first one."

Iago: I A M D E A D

Mycroft: I knowwww

Iago: "Life's all the time sending /me/ messages I can't read." [Dairine] flicked just a second's glance at Roshaun, who she was starting to think was yet another of those messages.

Iago: Oh lordy

Iago: Oh god above send help

Iago: Spot's becoming less of a machine, more alive. I don't know if I'm in support of this change

Mycroft: Everyone needs upgrades now and then :P

Iago: I don't like change

Iago: I kind of adore the mobiles all bowing to Dairine

Iago: Roshaun raised his eyebrows and produced another lollipop, which he held out to her.

"How many of those things do you have?" Dairine said.

"Not nearly enough," Roshaun said.

Iago: Please excuse me while I go laugh myself sick

Mycroft: Roshaun has his priorities in order

Mycroft: There was always a jar of lollipops on hand at CrossingsCon in his honor

Iago: Perfect

Iago: "I'll give you a dysfunction where you'll have trouble finding it again."

Totally stealing that don't even care

Mycroft: Excellent

Iago: "I may be a mother, but you are /mine/."

Maybe I didn't take enough time to recover after finishing The Slow Regard of Silent Things I'm going to go collapse in an emotional heap

Mycroft: So many Dairine feels, I knowww

Iago: "Enthusiasmic incorporation of the Hesper--"

What? What?! What does it say? What does it mean? I NEED TO KNOW

Mycroft: [rubs hands together; evil laughter] I'M SAYING NOTHING

Iago: Oh god is time moving faster on Metemne

Mycroft: MAYBE

Iago: Oh fuck it's relativity isn't it. Because they're near the source of the dark matter, they're moving faster than the rest of the Universe

Mycroft: Very possible

Iago: Oh no. Introduction of Della Cantrell and MY EMOTIONS CAN'T TAKE THIS HALP

Mycroft: Oh boy

Iago: Nita's phone call to her dad. Direct hit to the feels.

Mycroft: Harry Callahan is such a good dad

Iago: That is part of why it hurts so much

Iago: "Nita, could you please get off me before we accidentally become more than just good friends?"

*cackles maniacally*

Mycroft: BEST

Iago: Holy fucking sHIT ALMOND SPIDERS WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK

Mycroft: Wait what

Mycroft: Remind me of the context for that

Iago: On Rashah. The creatures destroying the trees are almond-shaped and have eight legs. Almond spiders

Mycroft: Oh ok that's what I figured

Mycroft: HELLO TO OUR TERRIFYING NEW ALIEN FRIENDS

Iago: ALMOND SPIDERS. WHY.

Mycroft: WHY NOT

Iago: "They've been fighting each other, on and off, for /millions/ of years?"

"They must be really enjoying it, to keep the war going so long."

Sker'ret is so great

Mycroft: Rashah is not exactly a great vacation destination, that's for sure

Iago: Oh sweet minty Jesus the almond spiders are a remnant after an atomic holocaust I need a drink

Iago: And...they're all avatars...of the Lone Wanker. Better make that two drinks.

Mycroft: WELCOME TO RADIOACTIVE POSSESSED WAR-MONGERING GIANT SPIDER CULT WORLD

Mycroft: ENJOY YOUR STAY

Iago: Where is Nita's dad

Iago: I am Concerned

Iago: Also

Iago: I will never get tired of the "check your spelling" joke

Mycroft: Same

Iago: "Words had just failed Dairine." Gods above have mercy on us all

Mycroft: I appreciate that the narration pauses to note how unthinkable that is

Iago: Also, a "bright" version of the Lone Power

Iago: What does that mean

Iago: Why is bright in quotes

Mycroft: To indicate it's kind of a rough description of a more complex subject, mostly

Iago: But does it mean that we're getting a version of the Lone Power that's more on the good side or a version that's worse than usual

Mycroft: There's more explanation later, but basically picture the LP's non-evil twin

Mycroft: Like its opposite, basically

Iago: I thought /you/ were refusing to give spoilers

Mycroft: Meh, I saw that as more clarification on what you already read, ymmv

Mycroft: But stay tuned

Iago: Well obviously

Iago: Nita doesn't like shooting people who are shooting at her

Mycroft: Krakens don't count but I don't think they were as sentient

Iago: "I'm a wizard, not an engineer" goddammit /again/?!

Mycroft: Yesss

Iago: I shall take myself off to the laughing corner

Iago: Oh god self-destruct at the Crossings

Mycroft: Kind of a terrifying prospect

Iago: Nita just blew up a giant gun

Mycroft: Yesss

Iago: "High-fiving a giant centipede can take a while."

Up next on Winning Understatements....

Mycroft: That is so fun to picture

Iago: I know!

Iago: "I don't wear socks."

"Just as well. You'd bankrupt yourself."

That is /also/ fun to picture

Mycroft: As an antidote to the tense battle scene, have a bunch of centipede leg jokes

Iago: Pretty much

Iago: Wait

Iago: /Carmela/?!

Mycroft: Hahahaha yesss

Mycroft: THE GLORIOUS RETURN

Iago: What

Iago: WHAT

Iago: Okay, Sker'ret just /swallowed/ the self-destruct panel

Mycroft: He's got a talent for that kind of thing

Iago: Which, I mean, okay, great way to not lose it

Iago: But

Iago: Can't he digest, like, /everything/?

Iago: And the self-destruct sequence is still going?

Iago: What happens if he takes too long to get the panel back out?

Mycroft: Rirhait stomach work in mysterious ways

Iago: ...is that the canon explanation or your way of saying "don't think about it too hard"

Mycroft: Yes

Iago: Why did I let you talk me into this

Mycroft: Because it's awesome, come on

Iago: Ugh

Iago: *quiet noises of agreement*

Iago: "So I took steps." CARMELA

Iago: (Carmela is the reason I let you talk me into this.)

Mycroft: That's the best answer

Mycroft: This book is Peak Carmela honestly

Iago: *whispers emphatically* Juanita Louise

Mycroft: Yessssss

Iago: Carmela just referred to Filif as "my favorite Christmas tree" and Carmela is all of us in that moment

Mycroft: So true

Mycroft: Filif is tree-mendous

Iago: I fucking hate you so much right now. :b

Mycroft: :D

Iago: "We are on errantry, and we greet you."

"Not that you particularly /merit/ greeting." Nita pls

Mycroft: She's earned the right to some snark, I'd say

Iago: Clearly

Iago: "You get more honey with flies. Wait a minute, that's not how it goes." CARMELA PLS

Mycroft: Oh my god

Mycroft: Get ready for another legendary Carmela moment

Iago: IS SHE BRIBING THE TAWALF WITH CHOCOLATE

Iago: FUCKING SHIT YES SHE IS

Mycroft: YEAH

Mycroft: And now you know why this book made Carmela everyone's favorite

Iago: I'M SO PLEASED WITH THIS

Iago: I mean Dairine is always going to be my eternal favorite but yeah Carmela's a close second

Mycroft: Relatable

Iago: Oh my god now she's threatening to /eat/ the chocolate right in front of them I'm crying

Mycroft: I KNOW RIGHT

Iago: Ponch the almond spider is trying to catch his non-existent tail

Mycroft: Omfg I forgot about that

Iago: It's a hilarious picture

Iago: I think I just witnessed a cult gathering

Iago: "You let me worry about this planet, and I'll let you worry about all the others." HARRY CALLAHAN IS BEST DAD

Mycroft: THE VERY BEST

Iago: NO

Iago: NONONONONO

Iago: TOM AND CARL HAVE FORGOTTEN THEIR WIZARDRY

Mycroft: AH YOU'VE GOTTEN TO THAT PART

Mycroft: WELCOME TO HEARTBREAK CITY, POPULATION YOU

Mycroft: And also Nita

Iago: S E N D H E L P

Iago: Wait are Rirhait mostly purple

Iago: Because if yes than they are my new favorites

Mycroft: They also come in blue, green, and pink, but yeah

Mycroft: I'm pretty sure Sker'ret in particular is purple

Iago: Well I saw that but the book makes a point to say that there are a /lot/ of shades of purple and I fucking love purple

Mycroft: You're in luck, then

Iago: "I would never lose my balance. I am a paragon of grace and stability."

"Oh, yeah. Who said /that/?"

"Roshaun."

Someone help me

Iago: I cannot

Mycroft: Pffft

Mycroft: Classic Roshaun

Iago: Kit is hiding his eyes from "sex stuff" and I'm laughing

Iago: "My dog brings home strays." Kit your dog is a fucking gift

Iago: A ducking gift who knows how to work a situation to get dog treats

Iago: And...and then he gave the treat to the Yaldiv that he brought home.

Iago: Ponch is a good dog.

Mycroft: Ponch is a good dog

Iago: "What is it with these Callahan women that they're always after yelling at you and giving you grief?"

"Not always. Just when it's going to get most on your nerves."

Kit just be glad Nita isn't here because she'd sock you

Iago: Oh

Iago: Oh shit

Iago: Just head the story of the dogs' Choice

Iago: And

Iago: everything is fine

Iago: EVERYTHING IS FINE MYCROFT

Mycroft: E V E R Y T H I N G I S F I N E

Iago: "Even when people mean to do good things, bad things happen in the world."

"They're happening already. Pretending they're not won't help."

Memeki the almond spider is speaking to my soul I'm gonna go start a revolution now

Mycroft: Yes please do

Iago: ALMOND SPIDER ATTACK OH GOD

Mycroft: I'm greatly enjoying your dedication to calling the Yaldiv almond spiders

Iago: NITA AND CARMELA TO THE RESCUE FUCK YEAH

Iago: WAIT WAS THE "THING" NITA WAS SUPPOSED TO GO BACK AND GET ACTUALLY /CARMELA/?!

Iago: BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE THE FUCKING GREATEST

Iago: Also

Iago: What does it mean that Memeki was honored by the Great One

Iago: Is she pregnant

Iago: Is she being nommed from the inside

Iago: Oh. Oh shit. What does Memeki mean by "my time"

Iago: CALLED IT ASSFACES

Iago: I mean

Iago: She's not currently getting et

Iago: But

Iago: Eggses

Iago: EGGSES, PRECIOUS

Iago: ACK NO WHY WITH THE MEMORIES OF BETTY I AM NEVER PREPARED FOR THOSE

Iago: Okay apparently the thing Nita was supposed to bring was /not/ in fact Carmela but rather hEART-WRENCHING MEMORIES OF HER MOTHER'S DEATH

Iago: Oh god Carmela is yanking Kit's chain about having found a manual and I'm experiencing emotional whiplash halp

Mycroft: Carmela is dedicated to yanking as many chains as possible, the audience's included

Iago: THEY'RE ALL LOST THEIR WIZARDRY SEND HELP

Iago: ROSHAUN IS ON HIS DIGNITY SEND A DIFFERENT KIND OF HELP

Iago: *inhuman screeching*

Iago: ACK NO YOU ABSOLUTE WANKHOLE GET YOUR DIRTY POWERS OFF CARMELA

Iago: "Oops," said Carmela...and, very slowly, smiled.

Mycroft: OOPS

Mycroft: The holy grail of Carmela badass

Iago: *screams a lot*

Iago: *so much screaming*

Iago: Oh, now This Bitch is rising from the ashes, because obviously

Iago: *snarls a lot*

Iago: *basically continuous snarling*

Iago: RONAN

Iago: R O N A N

Iago: *screams forever*

Iago: *interrupts eternal screaming for a breath* oh yes Sker'ret is in fact purple *continues screaming*

Iago: ROSHAUN WHAT ARE YOU DOING

Iago: ROSHAUN

Mycroft: ROSHAAAAUN

Iago: *still screaming*

Iago: WHAT THE HAP IS FUCKENING

Iago: WHY IS THE TRANSCENDENT PIG HERE

Iago: WHY IS PONCH A SHADOW DOG

Iago: P O N C H

Iago: PONCH IS SUCH A GOOD DOG

Mycroft: PONCH IS THE BEST DOG

Iago: *cries forever*

Iago: *is also still screaming*

Iago: TOM AND CARL ARE BACK

Iago: BUT ON THE OTHER HAND PONCH

Iago: PONCH

Iago: PONCH IS BACK

Iago: HE'S A SHEEPDOG NOW BUT HE'S PONCH

Iago: TOTALLY CRYING RIGHT NOW BECAUSE IT'S ALWAYS THE ANIMALS THAT GET TO ME

Iago: IT'S THE END OF THE BOOK AND THE DOG TECHNICALLY DIDN'T DIE

Mycroft: The dog did the opposite of dying, ultimately

Iago: PLEASE EXCUSE ME WHILE I COLLAPSE ON THIS BED AND SOB WITH JOY

Iago: Okay I'm going to go collapse in an emotionally exhausted heap and probably read all of A Wizard of Mars tomorrow. So. Be ready for that.

Mycroft: CONGRATS you made it to the last stop on the emotional roller coaster that is Wizards at War

Mycroft: You win a free trip to Mars

Mycroft: Where definitely nothing will go wrong