#this is the woman whos wrath has been waiting for 23 years

[bards-anonymous]

Expression practice: Anger

[se4shell]

1.) a quiet, calm girl who has a svelte body with long arms and looks like a dancer

2.) I’d take away all my excessive worries!! intrusive thoughts are forever banished!

3.) not being able to travel or feeling satisfied with myself

4.) Hunter x Hunter, Game of Thrones, Blood+ and any other anime I enjoy lol

5.) my fears fascinate me

6.) I need to go to Japan. It’s not a want. It’s a need, for years now. I will literally cry as soon as I step off that plane and my foot graces the ground

7.) don’t take what others say personally. you’re unique and beautiful!

8.) ideal life partner starts with loving myself first. I’m still working on it.

9.) spring! I love how nature is revived, green is the primary color with sprinkles of rain, flowers galore & birds singing, fairies dancing

(only downside is my severe allergies lol)

10.) I cannot recommend anything specific. Please read Blood+ manga, I like manga. I also like tragic, romantic, hopeful works. So whatever that entails. Sylvia Plath, Emily Dickinson. Everything soulful and feminist.

11.) there’s too many!

ANYTHING by Daughter!

Heaven, Wait album by Ghostly Kisses

FKA twigs’ Cellophane along with MAGDALENE and her older songs (Water Me, etc.)

Lifts by Lia Marie Johnson

pretty much anything by Soccer Mommy as well, all her albums are amazing!

Softens by Wet

Young and Beautiful by Lana (a lot of her songs but this is one of my all time favorites)

Alexandra Savior’s Soft Currents

Special by SZA and SO many others I could go on for days and days and days!

12.) she’s patient with me. too hard on herself. I want to hug her and hope she knows how special she is.

13.) I really cannot remember for the life of me!

14.) basic me says classic hot cocoa but I also love warm tea (cinnamon, green, chamomile)

15.) Phantom of the Opera, I saw it so young so it really set the bar high since forever lol. Tragic romances have always been a favorite since then.

16.) favorite form of flattery is sweet poetic words/a unique compliment I never knew I needed from someone. “You remind me of the spring. You have a peach aura.”

17.) Ana Mendieta is one. I like raw, abstract art. Visual performance art. I also like landscapes and flowers. Claude Monet’s works are always mesmerizing.

There was this visual performance art piece I saw a few years back at a local art museum of this nude woman slowly falling through layers of sheet glass and it was so incredibly freeing and beautiful to me.

I know Marina Abramović is extremely controversial and I do not condone or promote anything she’s known for now but I would be lying if I said her early works didn’t move me.

18.) I’m a pastel, soft butterfly loving fairy girl. But I also like Y2K, gothic styles as well. A combo of both.

19.) reading other people’s works, music, being out in nature as well as piecing words and visions together.

20.) Labyrinth was definitely one of the firsts.

21.) I’ve used Tumblr for about 9 years now! not as long as others here but I’ve definitely seen many changes. from random memes, manga edits and aesthetics to a steady flowing theme now, I think.

22.) first cellphone was a bright orange blackberry, it flipped open to type. if ykyk!

23.) this is hard. I like all the berries, lychee and pomegranate.

24.) gonna pass on this one, brain power is limited rn.

25.) a meal? it’d have to be a superfoods bowl. with grains, fresh veggies, a splash of citrus and spice, protein. all the essential amino acids would be present!

26.) I think the ones I’ve struggled with most are wrath and sloth. pinches of envy, I squash. pride and gluttony are the ones I least encounter.

27.) my latest obsessions are Tom Riddle from Harry Potter and Douma from Kimetsu no Yaiba/Demon Slayer. I always have rekindling of old obsessions with problematic characters as well. *Cough cough* Furuta Nimura *cough* Chrollo.

28.) Maybe a swan or deer?

29.) The wet dog smell just kills me every time lmao!

30.) mermaids/sirens and fairies because they’re alluring and fun! dragons too!

31.) I can’t name a scene off the top of my head but I cannot stand most romantic comedies or cheap, backdoor slasher/horror films.

32.) I am in love with my large abalone shell!

33.) I like my creative side!

34.) I saw Melanie Martinez back in 2016 and it was the chillest concert I’ve been to.

35.) “I know you’re bitter and have your own insecurities to deal with. There’s better ways to handle it than taking it out on others who did nothing to intentionally harm you.”

36.) It’ll be okay. You’re worth it all, love. Don’t worry about things you cannot control. Focus on all the things that make you happy. You are worthy of everything you desire.

37.) I used to chew on the inside of my lips and cheeks. It got so bad at a point in time; I’m surprised I didn’t get an infection as one nurse warned me I would. I don’t do it anymore so I’m happy about that!

I wash my hands religiously to the point where my skin gets so dry it bleeds and forms a rash.. It’s a really difficult routine to break. I always need lotion nearby.

38.) Rain, running natural water, fire cracking, doves cooing (probably doesn’t qualify as white noise but damn is it soothing and nostalgic!)

39.) Labradorite, pearls and opals. I love all things iridescent.

40.) I cry. Snack. Listen to music. Vent. Read or watch something that makes me happy.

41.) I’m currently trying to go back to school and work towards some degrees! It’s a long process so I’m still in the middle of motivating myself.

42.) I’ve some cute thrifted shirts.

43.) Unique, observant, compassionate!

44.) I love them both dearly, but there are many times where I feel ignoring them is the best option, unfortunately. It would break my heart to cut communication off completely though.

45.) I want to learn how to play the harp!

46.) I can’t pick just one. I’m like a mix of Emmy Rossum’s Christine Daaé from Phantom of the Opera, Jennifer Connelly’s Sarah Williams from Labyrinth and Uma Thurman’s Beatrix Kiddo from Kill Bill.

47.) I can appreciate any genre. Ska and pirate metal shanties are kinda weird though lmao.

48.) I’ve had too many close encounters already but bats.. I have an intense fear since one got tangled in my hair before. Aside from them, I’d have to say a grizzly bear out in the woods or if I’m swimming in the ocean and see a great white or giant black squid.. No thank you!

49.) I don’t care for Ryan Reynolds or Robert Pattinson. Shit, most of the male celebrities people fawn over.. Bleh.

50.) I love reading well-written fics on here as well as finding aesthetically-pleasing photos!

50 Q’s

1.) describe yourself through the eyes of a stranger? 2.) what is a quality you’d like to change about yourself? 3.) what is your worst potential fear for the future? 4.) which television series do you use as a form of escapism? 5.) share a secret about yourself? 6.) if you could choose any place in the world to visit, where would it be? why? 7.) what advice would you give your childhood self? 8.) describe how you envision your ideal life partner? 9.) what is your favorite environmental season? why? 10.) what’s one book you’d suggest every person should read? 11.) what is one song that’s able to bring you to tears? 12.) describe your best friend? 13.) what was the premise of your last dream? 14.) what’s your favorite warm beverage? 15.) name one musical album that greatly impacted your life? why? 16.) what’s your favorite form of flattery? 17.) what’s your favorite painting? and describe how it makes you feel? 18.) describe your personal style? 19.) what was the last concept that inspired you? 20.) who was your very first artistic inspiration? 21.) how long have you used tumblr for? how has your style changed over the years? 22.) what was your first cell phone? 23.) what is your favorite fruit flavor? 24.) whom would you resurrect from the afterlife? which 3 questions would you ask them? 25.) if you could choose only one meal to eat for the remainder of your life, which would you choose? 26.) which of the 7 deadly sins do you struggle with the most? and which the least? 27.) your latest obsession? and why? 28.) if you could domesticate any animal as your pet, which would you choose? 29.) what’s your least favorite smell? 30.) favorite mythological creature? and why? 31.) name a scene from a movie that makes you cringe? 32.) favorite piece of memorabilia you own? 33.) your personal favorite oddity about yourself? 34.) favorite concert/show you’ve attended? 35.) what’s one thing you would tell to the last person who betrayed you? 36.) your favorite mantra to live by? 37.) do you have any strange habits? 38.) what’s your favorite white-noise to fall asleep to? 39.) what is your favorite gemstone? why? 40.) how do you choose to cope when you’re upset? 41.) what are you currently trying to accomplish? 42.) what’s your favorite item you’ve purchased secondhand? 43.) describe your personality is only 3 words? 44.) how is your relationship with your parents? 45.) an instrument you aspire to learn how to play? 46.) relate yourself to one movie character? 47.) least favorite music genre? why? 48.) which animal would you be the most terrified to encounter? 49.) name a public figure you find to be overrated? why? 50.) what purpose do you get out of using tumblr?

[lindajenni]

aug 23

a rapture, but when?

"gather My saints together to Me, those who have made a covenant with Me by sacrifice." psa 50:5

do i believe in a rapture - with all my heart. i think most of the body of Christ do also, the only dispute being when it will occur. that differs widely. although it shouldn't be a matter of division among us, one side is constantly trying to disprove the other. some, i believe, just so they can prove themselves right while others are genuinely concerned pre-trib believers might be the cause of many falling from faith should they have to go through the tribulation.

i would answer those who believe pre-tribbers might cause a falling away that it is only a shallow, escapist view that would allow such a thing to happen. those departing would be the ones Jesus foretold of in the planting of the seeds parable. "but when the sun was up they were scorched, and because they had no root they withered away." matt 13:6

those who have dug deep roots and tapped into that "river of life" would continue to drink of whatever cup their heavenly Father desired. like our Lord Jesus they would say: "shall I not drink the cup which My Father has given Me?" john 18:11 we know, like our Lord, that the world "could have no power at all against Me unless it had been given you from above." john 19:11

whichever the case may be, i think we will all soon find out because i see the tribulation fast approaching. that either means we will all soon be out of here or there is awaiting us the most terrible time the world has ever known. it is a time which will really require commitment and endurance - no fair-weather christians here.

us pre-tribbers see it different. we "wait for his Son from heaven, whom he raised from the dead, even Jesus, which delivered us from the wrath to come." 1 thes 1:10 we are promised immunity from God's wrath. so then the question might be whether we are sure the tribulation is really God's wrath fulfilled. we are told in revelation about, "seven angels having the seven last plagues, for in them the wrath of God is complete." rev 15:1 His wrath is COMPLETE. after that remains only a certain and righteous judgment. so yes, it is His wrath; His wrath complete.

a lot of us are now looking to a soon rapture because the two-thousand year, two-day typology of God's timing is nearing completion. a pre-trib rapture would mean seven years subtracted from that; thus this year or presumably the next. do i assume too much for a mere mortal, imbecilic to our God's vastness?

it's not just time we're counting. just look around you. too much differentiates us from any previous generation. "and there shall be signs in the sun, and in the moon, and in the stars; and upon the earth distress of nations, with perplexity; the sea and the waves roaring." luke 21:25

yes, the heavens are also declaring it. the revelation 12 sign of the woman (virgo), which precedes the catching up to God, is coming into it's fullness next month (feast of trumpets). i would suggest watching a video on youtube to help understand this more - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RQazQSEDeIA. the moon is very important in God's timing. we know the beginning of each month is determined at the fist sliver of a new moon - called rosh chodesh.

we have three special moons in a month! we have a "super sturgeon moon" that started the month off on august 1, a "micro new moon" on august 16, and a "super blue moon" will end the month with a bang on august 31. the heavens are God's to maneuver and cannot be manipulated by satan. even one asteroid sought to be diverted by man from it's trajectory towards earth, now is moving into the constellation virgo and into God's perfect plan. He does indeed cause "all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose." rom 8:28

i know it is a fine line to walk between astronomy and astrology. satan tries to imitate God in all things, but the heavens belong to God, just as the rainbow does. we must not neglect the message God is sending in each of them to His chosen. did not the three wise men follow a star to worship our Lord?

we have a hope set before us that reaches beyond any human imagination. that hope will be fulfilled in all who hold it tight to the end. whenever the rapture might occur, it will be in God's perfect timing for He does all things well. that's a fact that all of us can believe in.

"for, behold, the Lord cometh forth out of his place, and will come down, and tread upon the high places of the earth." mic 1:3 friends, He's really coming for us. He has promised to revive us after two days. keep waiting. keep watching. this feast of trumpets - the one feast many have mostly looked to at as a possible rapture time - could this really be THE one? heads up, everyone. maranatha!

[beetoo]

WENCLAIR :: catch me, if you can

links :: WATTPAD :: AO3 :: [CHAPTER 2 - '23:59']

a/n: i suck at english, it's not my first language, have mercy but not really--yell at me if a part doesn't make sense, i did not proof read because my wrist is injured :D

Chapter 1 - 00:00

“We got a tip. Lone Wolf’s next target is the Rav’n happening tonight, Nevermore’s biggest charity event.” Wednesday hears through her earpiece, as she’s going through her files in her office. “We’re unsure of who the target is, seeing as none of the guests tonight have been involved in recent illegal activity.” The woman in black picked up pictures and a handful of red yarn. She sticks one onto the board of photos and strings, creating a bigger picture of the case itself.

The Rav’n. We only have 3 suspected targets in mind, all very influential people in Jericho. It may be a small town in Vermont but it’s home to some of the most influential people of my generation at least. The first one being Bianca Barclay–CEO of MorningSong. Regarding Lone Wolf’s affixation towards killing large influential people, Barclay might just be at the top of their list. The only reason I doubt this notion is because that company recently improved due to her leadership. The illegal use of Siren song was immediately halted once she rose to power. If we’re taking that psychopath’s ego into consideration, Bianca’s the least likely target tonight.

Wednesday tacks another photo onto the wall, with a sigh. The next one could be Xavier Thrope. His dad might have put a hit on his head due to his recent publicity murals going against the ethics of his father’s company. The same idea with Barclay–it doesn’t match the killer’s intent. And Lone Wolf was never confirmed to be a hitman.

Then it only leads to one suspect left. Wednesday slowly sticks her own picture to the wall, tracing the red yarn to the case name “Lone Wolf”. Wednesday slowly steps back, taking in all the information, reminiscing on every incident and victim this murderer has produced in a span of six months. In her 26 years of life, Wednesday has never met a case that’s perplexed her. It’s like they’re teasing me. I might just fall in love. The detective couldn’t help but smile. Leaning onto the edge of her table, she couldn’t help but be mesmerized by it all. Whoever this is might just be the greatest psychopath to ever live, next to my own uncle.

The Lone Wolf case is described to be the country’s most devastating homicide in history. Lapsing for six months straight, a murder popped up in different parts of the United States at perplexing distances. Within 10 hours of a murder in California, a 51-year-old electric car tycoon to another in Florida of a 76-year-old politician–Lone Wolf was deemed a patriot-murderer and a hero. The country has split in either support or suppression of this maniac’s actions. I’ve never considered ethical murder to be something that would interest me. Wednesday traced the red string from the state of Florida and added another politician to the ‘victims’. But somehow this is unfolding so well, it’s almost satisfying seeing how their work throws the country into shambles. 

The bounty on their head is the largest since the Hussein brothers in 2003. Theirs was $30 million. Lone Wolf’s is $45 million. With politicians, CEOs, and some random people getting caught in the crossfire of Lone Wolf’s wrath–people of power need them to be put to rest so they can maintain their power.

Of course, Wednesday has no interest in bounty money. Her family has accumulated lots over years and years for turning in their own kin and busting them out. The psychopathic gene passes on but for Wednesday her thirst for outwitting a mystery outweighs even her own being. Wednesday believes she’s dancing her own tango with the Lone Wolf. No one has yet to catch a glimpse of their face nor the sound of their voice and Wednesday sleeps miserably thinking about the enigma that is her suspect.

Wednesday inhales deeply, I simply cannot wait to see what this horrible fellow has planned next.

“Alpha, do you copy? Bravo is in position.”

“Alpha here arrived at point Echo. Any sights on the targets tonight?”

“Negative. Waiting on Charlie to check in.”

Wednesday gazes through the people among the crowd, upon entrance, everything is dawned white and themed with ice and snow. Tables were garnished with silver platters and icicle decor. But in Addams fashion, Wednesday had to come in well-dressed, for a funeral. Decorated in black, the woman kept on a formal yet dashing look that caught the eyes of every woman, man, or person in the audience. Whether the attention was good or bad, that was the least of Wednesday’s worries. Finding a moment to speak with her suspected victims, on the other hand, was.

Headquarters hacked into the Rav’n’s event coordinator’s computer just in time before seating was sent out to all who was invited. With Wednesday being a town celebrity due to her detective excellence and family name, her invitation was not hard to come by at all. But sitting with this city’s biggest influencers like her current suspected victims for the night? It was a job for the professionals.

Eugene was the man behind the earpiece, alongside her brother Pugsley as Bravo and Charlie being Tyler. Tyler was a trusted source in one of Wednesday’s cases, whom she decided to keep around since he always managed to make himself useful. But today, that did not seem to prove true.

“Charlie, do you copy?” Eugene states. “Bro come on, we need you in position ASAP, Barclay is about to make her entrance.”

Wednesday turns to her attention to the entrance, as everyone did. The woman was dressed in an alluring sequin dress that complimented her complexion and eyes very well. All it took was one look and people would simply fold over her sharp eyes and cunning intellect. Wednesday enjoyed the moments she shared with Barclay. The young entrepreneur always set the bar higher for other local CEO’s, Wednesday commends her merciless demeanor. They’ve worked together some time in her career. Wednesday caught the tax frauds in her company and even helped prevent Bianca from going to jail over being framed by her own mother’s business. Though Wednesday wouldn’t call it helping–the woman had the ulterior motive of simply being curious if Bianca actually did it.

Complimenting Bianca’s right hand was Xavier Thorpe, the second suspected victim. Recently painting a mural in protest of his father’s recent activity, Xavier became an online superstar overnight. Building a measly 10 million followers on TikTok, Xavier was almost as popular as Lone Wolf. His murals that his posts that gather awareness on certain topics like Outcast slavery, drug wars, Outcast trafficking, and other things made him quite a target. Online and in-person. I suppose I should have expected his weak self to come with a companion, seeing as he does value his life.

“Yo Tyler, what is going on man? The trio is about to sit down at the front! The charity auction is about to start!” Eugene yells, causing Wednesday to wince at the sudden increase in volume. Imbeciles. What are they doing? The detective thought as she nodded at the duo while sitting down at their table.

“--Mffsh–static–She–”

“Oh shit–Wednesday I think they got Tyler!” Pugsley utters while looking around in his hiding spot armed with bombs and other explosive assortments. Cramped in a tiny space, Pugsley’s job was to assure offense was available. The Addams weren’t sure what kind of outcast the Lone Wolf was going to be, as the rumors of them being an actual lone wolf were never confirmed. If it were true, they would have been a wolf who’s never wolf’d out–causing their hormonal imbalances to subvert into equilibrium by making the body compensate. Meaning they would have super strength and speed, along with very enhanced senses.

If that were the case, it would be problematic for Wednesday. Pugsley’s explosives are too wide-ranged. Over time, humans grew on Wednesday. To her, the biggest feat to feed her homicidal tendencies is to purge the bad fruits while leaving the good fruit for feasting. It’s much harder. That’s why Wednesday likes it better. That’s also why Wednesday likes her case so much. Almost obsessed with it or even the killer themself. How does one manage to find moral clarity to justly kill a person? Not just one, but multiple? How Wednesday yearns to be like them. Sometimes she finds herself amused by how they do things. Though her team for tonight was prepped for the worst, it seemed like those measures were displaced protecting the wrong person. Their enemy was much more reckless than they perceived them to be–More like a joyrider than a skilled race track driver.

Lost in thought, Wednesday found herself staring at the stage, unaware a new friend has joined their table.

“Enid Sinclair? In the flesh!” Bianca booms, standing up quickly and rushing to the blonde to give her a hug. “It’s been ages! How have you been?”

Wednesday paid no mind to the blonde until she heard something that piqued her interest. “I’ve been amazing Bianca! I’ve been all over the country getting the hottest scoops for CNN! They’re eating my articles up!” All over the country? Suspicious.

“I mean I would too! If I were brave enough to write so much about the Lone Wolf, I’d pay lots for that type of tea.” Bianca replies, chuckling into her hand. “It’s so good to see you here. Yoko’s been crying about how much she misses you if only tonight wasn’t a blood moon. Ugh, she’s going to gloat the moment I tell her you were here. OMG let’s take a selfie for her!”

Enid Sinclair. I did not see her on the guest list. And she’s a journalist following Lone Wolf? I have to take a mental note to look into her later—

“You must be THE Wednesday Addams! I’ve heard so much about you and your feats! One of my coworkers actually interviewed you for the scoop on your recent outcast trafficking bust! Your work is amazing.” Enid overly gushes, her colorful getup was giving Wednesday a headache. “Where’s your partner?” The other girl asks, eerie with a smile different from the one she presented to Bianca.

The question caught Wednesday off guard since she never mentioned coming with a partner and Tyler is nowhere to be found. “I didn’t come with one.” The detective answers frankly, eyeing the colorful girl from head to toe. “What about yours?”

“He never answered my calls or texts about it, so here I am. Alone. Want to be partners instead?” So this was her game. Wednesday thought, then replied curtly. “No thank you Ms. Sinclair, I’m quite comfortable doing things alone.”

“Oh come on Ms. Addams, it will be fun! Plus it’s not a Rav’n if you aren’t here with a partner to dance with!” The blonde eggs on, looking at Bianca and Xavier for backup–who were both just watching this moment unfold.

“I would pay good money to watch the Wednesday Addams kill the floor.” Xavier responds, with Bianca adding, “Baby don’t say that, knowing Wednesday she might literally kill the floor.”

“It’ll be fun Ms. Addams! It’s not like there’s anything holding you back! It’s just an innocent little dance.” The blonde continues, standing up and stretching a hand for the girl painted black. I would rather wear pink than dance with this walking rainbow vomit. But Wednesday felt something in her stomach. She wasn’t sure if that was the corset speaking or her gut feeling–the kind that usually leads her right into death’s cold comforting arms. Either way, her curiosity was piqued. This new shiny colorful character was suspicious to Wednesday.

Little did she know, she was right on the mark.

Enid lead the other girl to the middle of the dancing scene, hand in hand they tangoed to the music. In sync, their movements argued like a married couple and complimented the other like a newly wed. The music created a romantic scene between the two, surprising each other how well they knew the other’s next step. Others around them stopped their dance only to indulge in the bewitching conversation the two spoke with no words. Just glances and the swaying of their bodies.

Unaware, Wednesday didn’t catch that Enid found her supposed partner for the night comfortable in someone else’s arms. Out of embarrassment, she couldn’t help but cut her mission short and created a plan to flee the scene as soon as possible.

Nearing the end, Enid found herself behind Wednesday, looking at her pale nape, enthralled at how vulnerable her target was, on this full-blood moon. But instead of doing her justice the way she did her last victim, Ron DeSantis, she wanted to make Wednesday suffer a little more. The way she liked it. Leaning into Wednesday’s ear, she offered the shorter woman a warning.

“You’re quite an easy target, Addams.” Enid smiles, licking the side of Wednesday’s neck and bidding her prey farewell with a kiss on the nape. And tasty too. Enid thought, licking her lips as she parted ways from Wednesday–disappearing into the crowd. She said her goodbyes to Xavier and Bianca, running out of the building like Cinderella when the clock strikes 12.

The girl in black searched for her partner, swinging her head left and right looking pink-colored hair. But Wednesday didn’t react fast enough and the wolf had already vacated the scene.. She was still perplexed by the blonde’s words and stupefied by the feeling of her tongue gliding against the side of her neck. Disgusting. She thought, but in a way she would think gutting dead animals and examining dead bodies were disgusting. The girl in black would never admit it out loud but she was enchanted tonight. She was effectively charmed by the most colorful thing she’s ever met in her life, ironically, for someone who believed the only other tolerable color was red. A dangerous stranger. Just the way Wednesday Addams likes it.

When she gained her senses, she reunited with Bianca and Xavier, who shared their condolences for the painted girl in black to have lost her partner for the night a second time. Lost in thought, Wednesday loomed through the auction, buying an antique Chinese finger trap that was put into auction by the Addams’ family themselves–only to win it back for sheer flaunt of their wealth. Towards the end of the auction, Ajax, Enid’s supposed partner auctioned off sculptures created in collaboration with Xavier Thorpe. They pitched to the crowd that the sculptures were replicas of Lone Wolf’s victims and to be smashed during an event later into the week in protest against those who’ve put a bounty on the country’s favored vigilante.

Out of the victims lined up, one, in particular, seemed unfamiliar. This to Wednesday screamed red flags because not only did she know every victim of Lone Wolf’s by heart, she now understands how she murdered them too. By sheer, brute, force. Wednesday thought as she looked at the victims’ positions they were sculpted in. The statue in question, one of Ron DeSantis, a decrepit Floridian politician, was positioned on the ground, which his back seemingly resting on something and arms covering his face that was etched with fear and distraught. This is oddly similar to the other statues. 

As the night matured, Wednesday left the event and returned home with more than enough information to keep her awake for weeks. She spent that night compiling evidence against Ajax and his suspicious sculptures and found him to now be the prime suspect for all of these murders. One especially from Enid Sinclair as she generously provided by licking Wednesday’s neck.

  Usually, her melancholic and lackluster days suited her, but tonight she was accompanied by an ever-growing hunger to outwit the enemy. She doesn’t like it when people are steps ahead of her.Wednesday slept a miserable 2 hours before she was greeted in the morning by Chief Donovan himself that his son, who was also her partner, Tyler was found dead. Headed for the scene as fast as she could, she couldn’t help but get excited over the death of her former partner. New suspects, new clues, and more work. Wednesday let out a laugh at how messy things got so quickly. I’m just dying to see what kind of mess Miss Sinclair made of Tyler.

Arriving at the scene, Wednesday greeted Donovan with a nod and was caught up with the scene assessment. No DNA samples, no footprints, and no murder weapon. She made her way toward the scene of the murder; smelling the forest musk being overtaken by the iron smell of blood. Tyler was found on the scene with all limbs broken, two of which were pulled out. The cause of death was shock due to sudden blood loss, estimated around 8 hours ago, just 2 hours after Enid left the scene. After Wednesday examined the corpse, she felt a wonderful chill in her bones, realizing just how powerful and dangerous the enemy truly was. Keeping her smile to herself, Wednesday faced one of her co-workers and asked if anything else was on left on the scene. 

“There was a note left on Tyler’s left jacket pocket, we think it’s for you.” The man said. Wednesday quickly puts on gloves and took the note from the officer’s hand and it read: “I’ll leave my tastiest meal for last. Catch me if you can, detective.”

“Cara mia, I think I’ve found the love of my life.”

>> NEXT CHAPTER >>

a/n: updated to better suit the sequel. <3 happy reading! let me know what you think in the comments!

[divinaes-bookofsecrets]

Hello! May I please request a spirit guide reading, if you are accepting those at this time? My initials are NS, Sagittarius. Thank you in advance, and I hope you have a lovely day/evening.

HELLO , DEAR SAGITTARIUS ♐ 😘You travel with a great many Spiritual Guardians ; The one that's most important 😊 and most prominent is an enchanting witch goddess.

Her name is Wendolina‐Lynn aka Linà-Lynn but ýou may just call her WENDOLINA

Her sex: female

Her age: 44

Her lucky numbers: 4, 7, 19, 22, 300

Element: FIRE ELEMENT

Zodiac☆Symbol: ♈ Aries, ♌ Leo

(Her horoscope sign mixes with yours impeccably!!! She is your exact perfect match for friendship, even for a relationship in love 😍 but I do not, as a Shamanic Healer, suggest that you pursue any thing romantic with this highly mystical being )

PLANET THAT RULES HER: MARS , and THE SUN

Her Greatest Strength: Dynamic Energy, Motivation, Drive and Willpower, Passionate, Achiever, Enthusiasm

Her Weakness: Desire, Sex Drive,Temperamental

Magick Powers; Cleansing and Purification, Hexes and Banshment and Protection and Prosperity

Moon Phase: Full Moon, 🌙 🌔 🌖 🌛 Eclipse 🌑 Moon

SEASON; YULE

Her Energy is Tied To ACTION !

Time of Day: Noon

Direction: South

Tarot: Wands

Although Goddess Wendolina is eternally a Fire Sign 🔥 😍 She flows like 💧 Water She was born from her ancestors 🌟 in the 🌟 stars !! & She is currently 44 as of this year; She ages one year each and every decade! Lady Wendolina the ♈ Aries woman has been, by the Creator and Universe, molded for you. Ĺady Lina-Lynn iis not ýour typical witch, she's more of a witchesss! And her beauty knows no end. Your Witchess is dark looking if you choose to see her that way, but if you choose to see her fertile enlightening light 😉 ✨ you'll soon see how you are connected 😏 to this mystic enchanting goddess .

Here is she. 🍒🍀🌼🍇🐛🌷🦋🕸🕷🕸🌺🍂🍃

Lady Wendolina-Lynn , is an Aries Goddess of mystical ethereal feminist ♥ ✨ power. She believes in equality--- She thinks that men and women should be sharing more and have equal rights ✅ but of course this sounds a lot like Lilith story does it not🙄 well, there's a reason for that too. Lady Wendolina is actually one of Lilith daughters ! This explains how her down fall is her sex drive. Well, she's deffinitely an amazing Aries specimen isn't she?

Lilith gave her daughter Wendolina the Witchess all the glory, beauty, and powers to behold. She is, like Lilith, demonized 😈 by the men of Earth 🌎 ♥ and the Church.

Wendolina uses her witchy ways to look dark but subtle enough to still practice white magick with her powers. She is the most powerful ✨😈 demon spawn and we should all be proud she uses her powers for only good not evil ever 👏 she's such a sweet darling demonness spawn !!

She has two major looks that are her main makeup choices she (like above) dresses and does Lilith inspired makeup ---Then Wendolina-Lynn does space effect warpaint; representing the stars and the moon where she came from 🌟 🌙

Next ill explain the story of her Mother, Lilith, story as it ties into also the independent woman that your Spirit Guide is plus the independence she represents!

Lilith is an extremely controversial figure within Jewish folklore. Lilith's name is not included in the creation story of the Torah but she appears in several midrashic texts. Her symbolism, history and literature are debated among Jewish scholars, feminists and other intellectuals. There are multiple origin stories for Lilith but the most popular history told views Lilith as the first wife of Adam. According to the "first Eve" story Lilith was created by God from dust and placed to live in the garden with Adam until problems arose between Adam and Lilith when Adam tried to exercise dominance over Lilith. One story tells that Lilith refused to lay beneath Adam during sex. She believed they were created equal, both from the dust of the earth, thus she should not have to lay beneath him. After Adam disagreed, Lilith fled the Garden of Eden to gain her independence. Adam told God that Lilith had left and God sent three angels, Senoi, Sansenoi, and Sammangelof, to retrieve her. The three angels found Lilith in a cave bearing children but Lilith refused to come back to the garden. The angels told her they would kill 100 of her children every day for her disobedience. In revenge, she is said to rob children of life and is responsible for the deaths of still-born infants and crib deaths (SIDS). Male children are at risk of Lilith's wrath for 8 days after birth (until circumcision) and girls are at risk for 20 days. Although Lilith stole children's lives in the night, she agreed not to kill the children who had amulets of either of the three angels.

After the angels' departure, Lilith tried to return to the garden but upon her arrival she discovered that Adam already had another mate, Eve. Out of revenge, Lilith had sex with Adam while he was sleeping and "stole his seed." With his seed she bears 'lilium,' earth-bound demons to replace her children killed by the angels. Lilith is also said to be responsible for males' erotic dreams and night emissions. Another theory says that Lilith is impregnated, thus creating more demons by masturbation and erotic dreams.

🐉🌸ĹILITH AND WENDOLINA HAVE AN APPETITE FOR EARTH MEN🌸🐲

The open-ended nature of the Lilith symbol has allowed different groups to use her as a destructive female symbol or a symbol of female power. Many feminists see Lilith as not only the first woman but the first independent woman created. In the creation story she refuses to allow Adam to dominate her and flees the garden despite the consequences. In order to retain her freedom she must give up her children and in retaliation she steals the seed of Adam. In one account of this story, Lilith is said to "mount Adam" (click here for this version). This version of the story implies that Lilith sexually violated Adam; however, other stories portray Lilith as a demoness who kills children and takes advantage of men while they are sleeping. Jewish halakhic law forbids the spilling of a man's seed and Lilith takes advantage of this, during masturbation and erotic dreams, and uses it to replenish her own offspring.

Although Lilith is controversial some feminists have used her as a symbol of empowerment. For example, one Jewish feminist magazine is called Lilith labels itself as an "Independent Jewish Woman's Magazine." The publishers use Lilith as a title because they believe she is a symbol of independence. However, those who still think of her as a demoness could turn it around and once again label feminists as male bashers or men-haters. They see Lilith as wicked and vengeful towards men and children. With any symbol or icon used by feminists, especially within a religious context, there will be controversy and opposition. Whether or not the story of Lilith is accurate is not the main issue. The "first Eve" version of the story gives Lilith a role that many women can identify within Judaism and other religious traditions. She is an independent woman who challenges the oppressive system in which she is placed. Stealing the lives of children represents a certain madness that accompanies her solitude and exclusion. Despite Lilith's downfalls, she still remains a symbol of power simply by her survival and mysteriousness. She is open for interpretation and therefore allows women to reinterpret her symbolism and power within the tradition.

Picture Lilith's daughter the demoness 😈 spawn sort of like Mortisha Adams from the Adam's Family tv. Show. She's sweet, sultry, she could seduce you, and she's pale but deffinitely dark in a cheerful fun way !

Wendolina's mystical senses have brought her to you at this time to bring you a very important message ;

Here's your messages

Sagittarius predictions for May 17 - May 23

You may be lamenting that there don't seem to be any exciting new opportunities coming your way. You may feel bored and stuck in a rut, wishing that some unique proposition would be yours for the taking. Maybe there is something out there for you, but if you are stuck in a mindset where you are expecting something very specific, Sagittarius, you might not recognize a good thing that is different, even if you metaphorically trip over it. Be open to any chance that comes to you this week, even if it doesn't meet with your preordained idea of what can bring you the success you want. A positive change of circumstances is in the stars for you now, and this week, you may get a good glimpse of it. This could have to do with your home, your work, or your money - and may range from a change of residence to an increase in income or even an unexpected windfall. But this may not reach fruition this week - however, the tempting idea of it may come to you with the promise of fulfillment soon. This is a good time to seal deals, negotiate contracts, or ask for investors if you are in such a position. You should be brimming with energy and initiative right now.

-- Wendolina-Lynn aka Lina-Lynn

So watch out for your financial situation is about to change dramatically or you'll be moving residents please take this as a good thing that you've been waiting for this might just be the changes you need.

IF YOUR LOOKING FOR A GOOD SHAMAN , LOOK NO FURTHER: I AM HERE!!

All Spells..... $18 depending on what you wishing for or desiring as result

[graciousheaven]

RIGHTEOUSNESS: GOD'S FREE GIFT TO SINNERS

The Lord God Almighty, our Sovereign Lord is a unique entity with unique attributes exclusively inherent to his person. And these qualities are clearly revealed to us in the things that He does. As the Apostle Paul says in Romans 1:20, “Ever since God created the world, his invisible qualities, both his eternal power and his divine nature, have been clearly seen; they are perceived in the things that God has made.” Therefore it is essential for us to study God’s power in creation, his nature and his deeds in order to comprehend who He is and to properly define his attributes. And it is also important for us to note that among the uncountable deeds of our Lord there is one preeminent act in which greater revelations of his divine attributes are found: the crucifixion of our Lord Jesus Christ. Christ’s redemptive work on the cross reveals to us all the attributes of our God. The cross is a crucial element to consider when we seek to know God, when we seek to understand his attributes. The cross is the place where all our sins were paid for. Christ was hanged on that tree and He bore our sins though He knew no sin, in order to appease God’s wrath and satisfy God’s divine justice. He was our substitute on the cross. As Isaiah 53:4 says, “He endured the suffering that should have been ours, the pain that we should have borne.”

The Sovereign Lord announces his redemptive plan through his Son Jesus Christ since the beginning in Genesis after the fall of Adam. When God, the righteous God pronounces judgement against the serpent in the Garden of Eden, He declares: “I will make you and the woman hate each other; her offspring and yours will always be enemies. Her offspring will crush your head, and you will bite her offspring’s heel.” (Genesis 3:15). The Lord God Almighty, thence, determines the means by which his righteous demand for justice would be satisfied. Under the old covenant, sacrifices for sin were performed yearly by the Jewish High Priest. But these sacrifices did not purify people, but they did “serve year after year to remind people of their sins. For the blood of bulls and goats can never take away sins.” (Hebrews 9:3-4). And Hebrews 10:5-10 tells us that, “For this reason, when Christ was about to come into the world, He said to God: ‘You do not want sacrifices and offerings, but you have prepared a body for Me. You are not pleased with animals burnt whole on the altar or with sacrifices to take away sins. Then I said, ‘Here I am, to do your will, O God, just as it is written of Me in the book of the Law.’” Hebrews 10:10-14 says, “Because Jesus Christ did what God wanted Him to do, we are all purified from sin by the offering that He made of his own body once and for all. Every Jewish priest performs his services every day and offers the same sacrifices many times; but these sacrifices can never take away sins. Christ, however, offered one sacrifice for sins, an offering that is effective for ever, and then He sat down at the right-hand side of God. There He now waits until God puts his enemies as a footstool under his feet. With one sacrifice, then, He has made perfect for ever those who are purified from sin.”

God reconciled us to his grace through the redemptive work of Christ on the cross. Without the cross the entire human race would end up in hell. But “by becoming a curse for us Christ has redeemed us from the curse that the Law brings; for the Scripture says, ‘Anyone who is hanged on a tree is under God’s curse.’” (Galatians 3:13).  The cross of Jesus is the revelation of the righteousness of God. Christ’s sacrifice takes away the sins of believers. He was sacrificed once and for all, unlike the sacrifices for sin that were performed yearly into the Most Holy Place under the old covenant by the High Priest. As Hebrews 9:24-28 tells us, “Christ did not go into a Holy Place made by human hands, which was a copy of the real one. He went into Heaven itself, where He now appears on our behalf in the presence of God. The Jewish High Priest goes into the Most Holy Place every year with the blood of an animal. But Christ did not go in to offer Himself many times, for then He would have had to suffer many times ever since the creation of the world. Instead, now when all ages of time are nearing the end, He has appeared once and for all, to remove sin through the sacrifice of Himself. Everyone must die once, and after that be judged by God. In the same manner Christ also was offered in sacrifice once to take away the sins of many. He will appear a second time, not to deal with sin, but to save those who are waiting for Him.”  

 The cross of Jesus is the ultimate revelation of the righteousness of God. We cannot understand the righteousness of God apart from the cross; we cannot fully grasp its meaning apart from the Gospel. The Gospel is the revelation of God’s righteousness: it demonstrates God’s power to save all who believe. “For the Gospel reveals how God puts people right with Himself: it is through faith from beginning to end. As the Scripture says, ‘The person who is put right with God through faith shall live.’” (Romans 1:17). When we say that God is righteous, it simply means that He is morally upright, He is just and He rewards anyone according to his deeds. God has set a standard by which we are to live. Micah 6:8 tells us “What He requires of us is this: to do what is just, to show constant love, and to live in humble fellowship with our God.” This is the standard by which we will be judged – “A good person will be rewarded for doing good, and an evil person will suffer for the evil he does.” (Ezekiel 18:20). By punishing the wicked and by rewarding the righteous, God exercises his judicial authority and role; He demonstrates his righteousness.  To quote Dr. Steven J. Lawson, “Righteousness means to give to each man his due based upon his conformity or lack of conformity to the divine standard of perfect holiness.” Because God is righteous, He punishes sin and rewards those who are right with Him. God loves what is right and hates what is wrong; He hates the lawless with all his heart. He punishes evil, He punishes the wicked, but He rewards those who live to the standard set by Him.

Psalms 11:7 says:  “The LORD is righteous and loves good deeds; those who do them will live in his presence.” But now the problem is: “We “all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” (Romans 3:23). God created us upright, but we have sought out evil schemes. We are all under the power of sin. In sin we were all conceived and in sin we live. Sin is our inheritance from the blood of Adam. Sin is inherent to our human nature. Sin has separated us from the glorious presence of God our Creator. No human being born of a man and a woman is without sin. Romans 3:10-18 says, “There is no one who is righteous, no one who is wise or who worships God. All have turned away from God; they have all gone wrong; no one does what is right, not even one. Their words are full of deadly deceit; wicked lies roll off their tongues, and dangerous threats, like snake’s poison, from their lips; their speech is filled with bitter curses. They are quick to hurt and kill, they leave ruin and destruction wherever they go. They have not known the path of peace, nor have they learnt reverence for God.”

No human being born of a man and a woman lives to the standard set by God. We are inherently evil. This means we all deserve to die. For the reward for sin is death.  But “God so loved the world that He gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.” (John 3:16). God Himself provided the atonement for his justice to be satisfied. It was his will since the beginning to redeem his people. It was God’s plan to save people from his own wrath. As Paul says in Ephesians 1:5, “Because of his love God had already decided that through Jesus Christ He would make us his sons and daughters – this was his pleasure and purpose.” Right from Genesis 3 the Sovereign Lord promises the coming of the Messiah who takes away the sins of his people. This promise has been fulfilled on the cross in Calvary, where God offered his own Son as the propitiation for our sins. He slaughtered his only beloved Son in order to appease his wrath, the wrath that you and I have stirred up because of our sins against the Holy Lord God Almighty. God did not spare Him because his justice needed to be satisfied. And the only way you and I could be justified and reconciled to the Holy God was through the blood of his Son. It pleased God to sacrifice his Son, so that you and I may share the glory of the Son. Christ suffered in the hand of his own Father so that you and I may have eternal life.

Christ died as our substitute on the cross. God imputed our sins to his Son and credited the righteousness of his Son to us who believe. “It was not because of any good deeds that we ourselves had done, but because of his own mercy that He saved us, through the Holy Spirit, who gives us new birth and new life by washing us. God poured out the Holy Spirit abundantly on us through Jesus Christ our Saviour, so that by his grace we might be put right with God and come into possession of the eternal life we hope for.” (Titus 3:5-7). The Lord Jesus Christ is our righteousness. His righteousness is imputed to us through faith in Him. Christ is the Way, the Truth, and the Life; no one goes to the Father except by Him. Christ reconciled us to the Father by taking our place on that tree. “God made peace through his Son’s blood on the cross and so brought back to Himself all things, both on earth and in Heaven.” (Colossians 1:20).

We used to be sons and daughters of disobedience, controlled by the evil passions and desires of the flesh. We were dead and slaves to sin. God justified us through Christ in order to bring us holy, pure, and faultless into his presence. “God puts people right through their faith in Jesus Christ. God does this to all who believe in Christ, because there is no difference at all: everyone has sinned and is far away from God’s saving presence. But by the free gift of God’s grace all are put right with Him through Christ Jesus, who sets them free. God offered Him, so that by his blood He should become the means by which people’s sins are forgiven through their faith in Him. God did this in order to demonstrate that He is righteous. In the past He was patient and overlooked people’s sins; but in the present time He deals with their sins, in order to demonstrate his righteousness. In this way God shows that He himself is righteous and that He puts right everyone who believes in Jesus” (Romans 3:22-26).

It was to justify us, to put us right with Himself that God sacrificed his only Son. Christ redeemed us and therefore his righteousness got imputed to us who believe in Him. We do not have a righteousness of our own; our righteousness comes from God through faith in Christ. We are ruled by the love of Christ; He died to reconcile us to God. Christ died to satisfy the righteous demand of God’s divine justice. Through his blood we are put right with God through our faith in Him. “By Him we are put right with God; we become God’s holy people and are set free. So then, as the Scripture says, ‘Whoever wants to boast must boast of what the Lord has done.” (1 Corinthians 1:30). God through his Son changed us from enemies into his friends. God did not keep an account of our sins. He gave his own Son as a propitiation in order to cancel our sins, not as the result of our own efforts, but as a gift, the result of his love, mercy and grace.

We have been legally justified before God. Christ bore our sins and has brought us into this experience of God’s grace, in which we now live. We are free from the bondage of sin; we are no longer slaves to sin. Romans 8:1-4 tells us: “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death. For what the law was powerless to do because it was weakened by the flesh, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh to be a sin offering. And so He condemned sin in the flesh, in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the flesh but according to the Spirit.” Christ came on earth to fulfill the law; He paid all the penalties for us who believe in Him. His substitutionary death on the cross paid for our sins; it set us free and reconciled us to God. There is no more separation, no more condemnation – God’s divine wrath is appeased; justice is satisfied. Romans 5:17 says: “All who receive God’s abundant grace and are freely put right with Him will rule in life through Christ.” God has put his stamp of ownership on us who believe in Christ by giving us his Spirit. God in his goodness and saving grace has blessed us who believe in his Son with the Holy Spirit – “The Spirit is the guarantee that we shall receive what God has promised his people, and this assures us that God will give complete freedom to those who are his.” (Ephesians 1:14). “Law was introduced in order to increase wrongdoing; but where sin increased, God’s grace increased much more. So then, just as sin ruled by means of death, so also God’s grace rules by means of righteousness, leading us to eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.” (Romans 5:20-21).

Now that through God’s grace we have received the righteousness of Christ our Lord and Saviour, the question is: Can we continue to live like when we were still foreigners to God’s grace? Should we go on sinning because we have been justified before the Holy One? Christ has satisfied the righteous demand of God’s divine justice, He has appeased God’s wrath on our behalf by paying for our past, present and future sins. Should we continue to be ruled by the flesh? We have been called by God through his Son to live a holy life. We have been redeemed so that we can live to the standard set by God. Romans 8:12-13 tells us, “we have an obligation, but it is not to live as our human nature wants us to. For if you live according to your human nature, you are going to die; but if by the Spirit you put to death your sinful actions, you will live.” We are urged to be like our Master, to be filled with the Spirit, to be humble, loving and kind. We are no longer slaves to sin, but Christ’s slaves, slaves of righteousness. For we have be called by God to follow Christ in his steps, to live like Christ, to live a righteous life. As Paul says in Romans 6:18-20, “You were set free from sin and became the slaves of righteousness. At one time you surrendered yourselves entirely as slaves to impurity and wickedness for wicked purposes. In the same way you must now surrender yourselves entirely as slaves of righteousness for holy purposes. When you were slaves of sin, you were free from righteousness.” 2 Corinthians 5:15 says, Christ “died for all, so that those who live should no longer live for themselves, but only for Him who died and was raised to life for their sake.” Colossians 3:1-4 tells us, “You have been raised to life with Christ, so set your hearts on the things that are in heaven, where Christ sits on his throne at the right-hand side of God. Keep your minds fixed on things there, not on things here on earth. For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. Your real life is Christ and when He appears, then you too will appear with Him and share his glory!”

It is written: “God has made us what we are, and in our union with Christ Jesus He has created us for a life of good deeds, which He has already prepared for us to do.” (Ephesians 2:10). We are to offer ourselves as living sacrifices to God, fully devoted to worshipping and serving Him. “God has revealed his grace for the salvation of the whole human race. That grace instructs us to give up ungodly living and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in this world, as we wait for the blessed Day we hope for, when the glory of our great God and Saviour Jesus Christ will appear. He gave Himself for us, to rescue us from all wickedness and to make us a pure people who belong to Him alone and are eager to do good.” (Titus 2:11-14). The Lord commands us in Matthew 6:33, “Be concerned above everything else with the Kingdom of God and with what He requires of you.” We must not surrender any part of our being to sin to be used for wicked purposes. Instead, we must give ourselves to God, as those who have been brought from death to life, and surrender our whole being to Him to be used for righteous purposes. For we were set free from sin and became the slaves of righteousness. (Romans 6:13). We must feed ourselves on the words of faith. Like Paul says in his second letter to Timothy, we must keep away from godless legends and human doctrines and train ourselves for godly life. “Christ was without sin, but for our sake God made Him share our sin in order that in union with Him we might share the righteousness of God.” (2 Corinthians 5:21). Therefore our minds and hearts must be made new now that we are Christ’s slaves. We must clothe ourselves with kindness, gentleness, love, patience, goodness, endurance, faithfulness and obedience.

Under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, Paul in his letter to Ephesus urges us to put on the new self, which is created in God’s likeness and reveals itself in the true life that is upright and holy. We have been called to live like Christ, to walk in the Spirit. Our lives must be controlled by the Spirit. The Spirit of God works in us to sanctify us, to conform us to the image of Christ. In the same way we are freely justified by God through faith in Christ, our sanctification does not depend on us: we do not have the capacity on our own to change the evilness of our flesh. It is the power of the Holy Spirit within us that brings us life and leads us into the pursuit of righteousness. As the Scripture says, “There is nothing in us that allows us to claim that we are capable of doing this work. The capacity we have comes from God; it is He who made us capable of serving the new covenant, which consists not of a written law but of the Spirit.” (2 Corinthians 3:5-6). It is the Spirit of the Lord that transforms us into Christ’s likeness. We must let the Spirit control us, for it is the Spirit that saved us. We must all be good servants of Christ, for He bought us at the cost of his blood.

We have been redeemed by the blood of Christ for Christ, in order that we may be parts of his body, not because of anything good we have done. Christ has given us life. The Sovereign Lord says in Isaiah 43:25, “I am the God who forgives your sins, and I do this because of who I am. I will not hold your sins against you.” We were once spiritually dead because of our sins. “But God has now brought you to life with Christ. God has forgiven our sins; He cancelled the unfavourable record of our debts with its binding rules and did away with it completely by nailing it to the cross. And on that cross Christ freed Himself from the power of the spiritual rulers and authorities; He made a public spectacle of them by leading them as captives in his victory procession.” (Colossians 2:13-15). “As the one sin condemned all people, in the same way the righteous act sets all people free and gives life. And just as the mass of people were made sinners as the result of the disobedience of one man, in the same way the mass of people will all be put right with God as the result of the obedience of the One man.” (Romans 5:18-19).

We are justified by faith alone in Christ alone. Anyone who rejects the sacred blood of God’s covenant is under divine wrath. Wrath is God’s righteous response to human depravity, sin and rebellion against Him. Those who reject Christ and think that they are good enough to be right with God are in for a rude surprise. Christ is the only means to be justified before the Holy God. Those who reject or hinder this truth reject God’s grace that sets people free and gives them life, and all that is left for them is damnation. Anyone who rejects the Gospel is given over to their reprobate mind. This is plainly brought to everyone’s attention in Romans 1:18-32 – it is written: “God’s anger is revealed from heaven against the sin and evil of the people whose evil ways prevent the truth from being known. God punishes them, because what can be known about God is plain to them, for God Himself made it plain. Ever since God created the world, his invisible qualities, both his eternal power and his divine nature, have been clearly seen; they are perceived in the things that God has made. So those people have no excuse at all! They know God, but they do not give Him the honour that belongs to Him, nor do they thank Him. Instead, their thoughts have become complete nonsense, and their empty minds are filled with darkness. They say they are wise, but they are fools; instead of worshipping the immortal God, they worship images made to look like mortal human beings or birds or animals or reptiles. And so God has given those people over to the filthy things their hearts desire, and they do shameful things with each other. They exchange the truth about God for a lie; they worship and serve what God has created instead of the Creator Himself, who is to be praised for ever! Amen. Because they do this, God has given them over to shameful passions. Even the women pervert the natural use of their sex by unnatural acts. In the same way the men give up natural sexual relations with women and burn with passion for each other. Men do shameful things with each other, and as a result they bring upon themselves the punishment they deserve for their wrongdoing. Because those people refuse to keep in mind the true knowledge about God, He has given them over to corrupted minds, so that they do the things that they should not do. They are filled with all kinds of wickedness, evil, greed, and vice; they are full of jealousy, murder, fighting, deceit, and malice. They gossip and speak evil of one another; they are hateful to God, insolent, proud, and boastful; they think of more ways to do evil; they disobey their parents; they have no conscience; they do not keep their promises, and they show no kindness or pity for others. They know that God’s law says that people who live in this way deserve death. Yet, not only do they continue to do these very things, but they even approve of others who do them.”

God, the righteous God, condemns those who rebel against Him. He gives them over to their reprobate minds and they do what they are not supposed to do, and it this way they compound their punishment, making their pains even greater for the Day of Judgement. The picture presented in Romans 1 describes exactly what we see around the world today. Nations are under God’s judgement because many have rejected the truth to uphold lies. They have rejected Christ and his teaching and embraced human doctrines. Such have already been judged because they do not believe in God’s only Son. They remain slaves to sin and are condemned to face the second death. The Lord Jesus Christ is our righteousness, the Only Saviour. Salvation is found in Christ alone. He died so that everyone who believes in Him may live. He is the substitutionary atonement for our sins. And whoever believes in Him will not die; but those who rejects Him will be damned. Christ is the only means to be right with God, He is the only way to Heaven, the Life-giving Water. “No one can enter the Kingdom of God without being born of water and the Spirit.” (John 3:5). No one can inherit the Kingdom of God without being regenerated by the Spirit. The Spirit is Christ, the Spirit is life. Regeneration is a new birth and a new life in Christ. Only those who are in Christ can receive the new birth and eternal glory, thanks to the blood of the Lamb of God who paid their penalties. Those who reject Christ will die in their sins and go to hell, where they will spend eternity. The Lord redeems anyone who seeks Him, anyone who remembers how God wants us to live. He has atoned for our sins and He wants us to honour his Son, to have faith in Christ in order to be right with Him. And so everyone who believes in Christ is legally justified before God through their faith. But those who reject the Son of God continue to bear the guilt of their sins and will remain accountable for all eternity. John 3:18 says, “Those who believe in the Son are not judged; but those who do not believe have already been judged, because they have not believed in God’s only Son.” There is no other way people can be justified before God, Christ alone is the Saviour – we are saved by God’s grace alone, through faith alone, in Christ alone. “Salvation is to be found through Him alone; in all the world there is no one else whom God has given who can save us.” (Acts 4:12) The Lord says in John 12:48, “Those who reject Me and do not accept my message have one who will judge them. The words I have spoken will be their judge on the last day!”

As you read this message today, if you aren’t in the faith yet, if you are not committed to Christ, do not continue to reject the free gift of God’s grace, which is found in Christ alone. For Christ is the only means by which sinners are justified before God through their faith in Him. Christ suffered the curses that you should have suffered, in order to reconcile you to God’s grace. Recognize your need of Christ the Saviour. Do not harden your heart. Lay down your pride and believe onto Jesus, the righteousness of all who have faith in Him. Renounce to your self-righteousness and cling to Jesus. He died to save sinners not those who consider themselves righteous. You cannot escape God’s righteous wrath, you cannot escape eternity in hell unless you are clothed with the righteousness of the Son of God. Turn to Christ, confess your sins to Him and believe on Him. Christ laid down his own life to justify the wicked. He freely redeems those who recognize that they are sinners and turn to Him, the Saviour. Anyone who confesses Christ as Lord and has faith in Him is set free from the bondage of sin and death; they escape hell. Call upon the name of the Lord Jesus and He will impute his righteousness to you and you will appear blameless before God on the Day of Judgement. Anyone who rejects Christ rejects his share of this grace and therefore can never be right with God. All you have to do is to believe in Christ and confess Him as Lord and Saviour, for He is the atonement for all our sins. Do not close your heart to God’s redeeming grace. Turn to Christ and trade in your sins for his righteousness in order to be right with God. He was sent by God the Father into the world in order to redeem those who have faith in Him. He will return soon, but this time not to save the world, rather to judge it. And all those who are not in the faith will suffer divine wrath and spend eternity in hell – for there is no other way except through the blood of the Lamb to be right with God. God justifies people exclusively through their faith in Christ.

[orthodoxydaily]

Saints&Reading: Tue., Apr., 13, 2021

March 31/April 13

Saint Innocent (Innokentii) (Veniaminov), Metropolitan of Moscow and Kolomensk (1879)

Saint Innocent Veniaminov Equal to the Apostles and Evangelizer of North America John Evseyevich Popov-Veniaminov was born August 8, 1797 in the village of Anginsoye in Irkutsk, Russia. His baptism took place in the local church [1]. His father was a church server, so it was natural that John began reading the Epistle during services at an early age [2]. When John was only six years old, his father died. Four years later, John entered the Irkutsk Theological Seminary. In 1817, he married, was ordained to the diaconate, and was assigned to serve at the Annunciation Church in Irkutsk. After his ordination to the priesthood in 1821, he taught catechism to children while serving the parish as its priest [3]. In 1823, Father John embarked on a great adventure. The Bishop of Irkutsk had been instructed to send a priest to Unalaska in Alaska’s Aleutian Islands. The clergy all refused to go – all, that is, except Father John. In May 1823, he and his wife, their infant son Innocent, and his mother and brother Stefan began the perilous journey. Fourteen months later they arrived on Unalaska Island [4] where he and his family lived in an earthen hut they had constructed themselves. A multi-talented man, he trained a group of local faithful in construction techniques and helped them build Holy Ascension Church, which they completed in 1826 [5]. Father John made numerous missionary journeys around Unalaska and the neighboring Fox and Pribilof Islands. He frequently traveled by dogsled or canoe, his tiny craft buffeted by storms in the Gulf of Alaska [6]. In 1834, he was transferred to New Archangel, later renamed Sitka, where he dedicated himself to ministering to the Tlingits. He studied their language and customs and produced scholarly notes and a dictionary. Among his other journeys was that he undertook in 1836, when he visited Fort Ross north of San Francisco and northern California’s Spanish missions. In 1838, Father John returned to Russia to report on his missionary efforts. While there, he received the sad news that his wife had died. After some time, he decided to enter monastic orders with the name Innocent, in honor of the sainted missionary Bishop of Irkutsk. Two years later, he was consecrated Bishop of Kamchatka and the Kurile Islands and the Aleutian Islands at the Cathedral of the Kazan Icon of the Mother of God in Saint Petersburg [7]. After his return to Alaska as the first resident Bishop in America, Bishop Innocent continued his missionary journeys, during which he proclaimed the Gospel in ways the people could easily understand and remember [8]. During one of his missionary journeys, Bishop Innocent encountered dangerously rough waters off Kodiak Island. Turning in the direction of Spruce Island, where Saint Herman of Alaska lived and was buried, he fervently entreated Saint Herman pray to God for assistance. Within minutes, the waters became calm [9]. His ongoing travels helped him to master local languages and dialects. He also developed alphabets for previously unwritten languages and translated Scripture and other works into Unagan and Yakut [10]. In 1848, Bishop Innocent had the joy of consecrating Saint Michael Cathedral in Sitka, which he used his talents to design and build [11]. The cathedral still serves as the main cathedral for the Diocese of Alaska. In recognition of his exceptional ministry, he was elevated to the dignity of Archbishop in 1850. Archbishop Innocent was elected Metropolitan of Moscow and Kolomna in 1868 [12]. As Metropolitan, he worked diligently to uplift the faithful spiritually and improve the living conditions of the clergy. He fell asleep in the Lord on March 31, 1879 and was buried in the Church of the Holy Spirit at the Trinity-Saint Sergius Lavra in Sergeiv Posad, near Moscow [13]. He was canonized in 1977 by the Church of Russia during the tenure of Patriarch Pimen of Moscow [14]. 

O Holy Father Innocent, pray to God for us! ■ 

Source: Orthodox Church of America

The Priest Martyr Ipatios, Bishop of Gangra,

     The PriestMartyr Ipatios, Bishop of Gangra, was bishop of the city of Gangra in Paphlagonia (Asia Minor). In the year 325 he participated in the I OEcumenical Council at Nicea, at which the heresy of Arius was given anathema.      When Saint Ipatios was returning in 326 from Constantinople to Gangra, followers of the schismatics Novatus and Felicissimus fell upon him in a desolate place. The heretics ran him through with swords and spears, and threw him from an high bank into a swamp. Like the First-martyr Arch-deacon Stephen, Saint Ipatios prayed for his murderers. A certain Arian woman struck the saint on the head with a stone, and he died. The murderers hid his body in a cave, where a christian who kept straw there found his body. Recognising the body of the bishop, he hastened to report about this in the city, and the inhabitants of Gangra piously buried the remains of their beloved arch-pastor.      After death the relics of Saint Ipatios won reknown for numerous miracles, in particular the casting out of demons and for healing the sick.

     From of old the Priestmartyr Ipatios was particularly venerated in the Russian land. Thus in the year 1330 was built at Kostroma the Ipatiev monastery, on the place of an appearance of the Mother of God with the Pre-eternal Christ-Child and saints that were present – the Apostle Philip and the Priestmartyr Ipatios, bishop of Gangra. This monastery afterwards occupied a significant place in the spiritual and social life of the nation, particularly during the years of the Time of Troubles. The old-time copies of the Vita of the Priestmartyr Ipatios were widely distributed in Russian literature, and one of these entered into the compiling of the Chet'i Minei [Reading Menaion] of Metropolitan Makarii (1542-1564). In this Vita was preserved an account about the appearance of the Saviour to Saint Ipatios on the eve of the martyr's death. The veneration to the saint consists of prayers, words of praise and teaching on the day of his memory. The pious veneration of Sainted Ipatios was also expressed in the liturgical works of Russian authors. During the XIX Century was written a new service to the Priestmartyr Ipatios, distinct from the services written by the Monk Joseph the Studite, contained in the March Menaion.

�� 1996-2001 by translator Fr. S. Janos.

Isaiah 40:18-31

18 To whom then will you liken God? Or what likeness will you compare to Him?

19 The workman molds an image, The goldsmith overspreads it with gold, And the silversmith casts silver chains.

20 Whoever is too impoverished for such a contribution Chooses a tree that will not rot; He seeks for himself a skillful workman To prepare a carved image that will not totter.

21 Have you not known? Have you not heard? Has it not been told you from the beginning? Have you not understood from the foundations of the earth?

22 It is He who sits above the circle of the earth, And its inhabitants are like grasshoppers, Who stretches out the heavens like a curtain, And spreads them out like a tent to dwell in.

23 He brings the princes to nothing; He makes the judges of the earth useless.

24 Scarcely shall they be planted, Scarcely shall they be sown, Scarcely shall their stock take root in the earth, When He will also blow on them, And they will wither, And the whirlwind will take them away like stubble.

25 “To whom then will you liken Me, Or to whom shall I be equal?” says the Holy One.

26 Lift up your eyes on high, And see who has created these things, Who brings out their host by number; He calls them all by name, By the greatness of His might And the strength of His power; Not one is missing.

27 Why do you say, O Jacob, And speak, O Israel: “My way is hidden from the Lord, And my just claim is passed over by my God”?

28 Have you not known? Have you not heard? The everlasting God, the Lord, The Creator of the ends of the earth, Neither faints nor is weary. His understanding is unsearchable.

29 He gives power to the weak, And to those who have no might He increases strength.

30 Even the youths shall faint and be weary, And the young men shall utterly fall,

31 But those who wait on the Lord Shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint.

Proverbs 15:7-19 

7The lips of the wise disperse knowledge, But the heart of the fool does not do so.

8 The sacrifice of the wicked is an abomination to the Lord, But the prayer of the upright is His delight.

9 The way of the wicked is an abomination to the Lord, But He loves him who follows righteousness.

10 Harsh discipline is for him who forsakes the way, And he who hates correction will die.

11 Hell and Destruction are before the Lord; So how much more the hearts of the sons of men.

12 A scoffer does not love one who corrects him, Nor will he go to the wise.

13 A merry heart makes a cheerful countenance, But by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken.

14 The heart of him who has understanding seeks knowledge, But the mouth of fools feeds on foolishness.

15 All the days of the afflicted are evil, But he who is of a merry heart has a continual feast.

16 Better is a little with the fear of the Lord, Than great treasure with trouble.

17 Better is a dinner of herbs where love is, Than a fatted calf with hatred.

18 A wrathful man stirs up strife, But he who is slow to anger allays contention.

19 The way of the lazy man is like a hedge of thorns, But the way of the upright is a highway.

[janiedean]

Uh, I didn't see that meme! Glad you're keeping open for a little longer! :D Let's see... 33 for Geraskier and 23 for Yenraltskier?

(33 was posted before so this is for 23 ;) )

23: “We need to act quickly–he doesn’t have much time.”

“Sorry, what -”

“I’m not telling you again,” Yennefer says. “We need to act quickly - he doesn’t have much time and I’m pretty sure you want his ass in one piece and I certainly don’t want you to lose the only damned person who’ll stick with you regardless because - never mind that. You know what you have to do. Five minutes at most, Geralt. Got it?”

“… Right,” Geralt sighs, “got it.” He could have added something else, except that Yennefer is already off by the time he opens his mouth, heading for the town square straight ahead.

Five minutes.

He can wait five minutes, help her out with her scheme and then say his piece later, he supposes - they had talked about it briefly and he had figured it’d take a while to get there, but at this point… well.

At this point, maybe they should just go with it.

He leans against the wall and waits.

–

Jaskier really needs to start asking people if they’re married before flirting back if they bat their eyelids at him.

He’s sworn himself that he’d start doing that countless times - actually, to just… calm down when it came to finding beds to tumble into -, except that since Yennefer has been around more often than not and they came to an understanding he has found himself not just pining after Geralt but also wondering how it would feel to have a tumble into her bed, and… a man can be frustrated until a point, all right?

So, when the maid had flirted with him that afternoon, he did flirt back.

Too bad she’s apparently unhappily married to the tanner whose shop is right in front of the inn, who is really not taking things well.

“I swear,” Jaskier says again, “it was all a misunderstanding, nothing actually happened.” False, for that matter, there had been a quickie in the stables, but still -

“I’ll believe that when the sun rises west,” the man mutters, sounding like he’s really really fucking pissed off, “and since the alderman takes this kind of offense seriously -”

“Where in the world did you even end up?”

What the -

Before he can wonder why is Yennefer shrieking right next to me, she’s in his line of sight and she’s slapped him in the face once, though… not as hard as she could have.

“I can’t believe that I go fetch my clothes ten minutes and here I find you chasing after someone else’s skirts, you cheating bastard!”

Oh.

Oh.

She’s also staring at him with the face of someone who’s telling him to hold her fucking cover or else she really will have his head.

“Yen, darling,” he pleads, getting into the part very quickly, “I swear I could never look at any other woman.”

“Oh, that’s what you always fucking say!” She shouts again. “Always sweet words and songs and poems and then I always find you trying to fuck other people, that’s the damned problem!”

“I don’t!” He shouts back, trying to sound as enraged at the idea as possible. “All right, fine, maybe I can look, but how could I ever think about touching someone else when you are waiting for me when I come home?”

“Really,” Geralt’s voice comes from somewhere at his side, wait, what, he’s just approached the tanner with the face of someone who just wants to be as far from here as possible, “I’m, uh, those two, both of them were come from… cursed families. Both of them. Which is why they hired me to solve the problem and I’ve been following them for a while.”

What story is that fucking even? “And I hope you will solve it soon,” Yennefer says, “we’ve been together for months, I would really like to tie that knot.”

Jaskier is about to die of a heart attack here. What?

“… A curse is preventing you from getting married?” The tanner repeats.

She shrugs. “See,” she says, “my grandfather was a bad sort of person and got a witch angry once, so she cursed all his descendants to drop dead if they chose to marry someone else. While his father didn’t want him to be a musician, so he cursed him to lose his voice should he want to settle down with someone, knowing that he’s certainly not celibate.” Oh. Oh. She definitely came up with it. Geralt could have never made that up. “That might cause a problem or fifteen, so that’s indeed why we hired the witcher here.”

Geralt clears his throat. He looks pained inside. Then he lowers his voice, a bit more than usual. “In all confidence, my good man,” he says, “look at her. Who would be so fucking stupid to even touch another woman when she is his intended? I have been around them for a month and I’m sure she’d geld him if he even only tried.”

The tanner considers it. “Well,” he says, “I don’t see why a witcher would lie to me. And the lady does make a point. Guess I misunderstood,” he says, and finally grabs his wife and goes back home. Or something.

The audience gathered in front of the inn senses that the show is over and they go back home, too.

Jaskier lets out a breath of relief.

“Woah,” he says, “you two really put on a good show, didn’t you?”

“She did,” Geralt groans, “I just went with it.”

“It was more amusing than I had presumed,” Yennefer smiles, “except that you really do have a death wish, bard.”

Fair point, he supposes. “I… guess,” he sighs. “It’s just - never mind. I know. I kind of did try to, uh, avoid it, but -”

“I suppose,” Yennefer smiles, “that being in the room next to ours regularly might make a man feel like getting his rocks off?”

Jaskier knows he’s gone red in the face.

Geralt is halfway smiling, too, which - fine. This is fine. He can wing it.

“And what if it was the case?” He asks, tentatively, trying to not sound like he’s angry about it or anything, and then Yennefer looks at Geralt with a very, very wicked grin, and -

Geralt grits his teeth for a moment, then looks at him and his face is suddenly not as constipated anymore, and - “If it’s the case,” he says, “we have been talking and neither of us would object if you knocked on the door instead of seducing married women. And since we have to sleep here tonight, maybe you might want to make sure that everyone knows you’re not sleeping with the maid. And now I have to go find a fucking real contract before you two drive me both completely insane,” he says, and then goes off in the other direction.

Jaskier blinks at Yennefer, who just grins back.

“Did he mean it?”

“Door’s open, bard,” she winks. “I have an errand to run and I suppose you have some songs to work on, so how about we see each other later? I’m extremely interested in finding out why exactly do all those women risk their husbands’ wrath to have a tumble in bed with you. Just come talk to me before the set if you have ideas to share - I do think Geralt’s wanted you for years, so we might as well give him a good time, right?”

Then she also goes off to where Jaskier thinks the apothecary is located.

Well -

Well then.

He smiles to himself as he goes back inside the inn and heads upstairs.

He does have a few songs to work on, and he definitely needs to come up with a list to present to Yennefer later.

After all, if he wants them to invite him again, he will have to impress, but he thinks he can do that.

He can do that indeed.

[diveronarpg]

Congratulations, CHARLIE! You’ve been accepted for the role of CORIOLANUS. Admin Jen: There are no words to describe how floored I was by the stellar portrayal you've presented to us, Charlie. With two very strong applications, we were given quite a difficult decision, but ultimately you showed us not only Coriolanus, but Cyrus, flaws and all. There is so much depth and nuance to Cyrus that it makes him not quite an easy character to grasp, but as I read your app, I could see all of it, small details and broad concepts alike, plucked and arranged in front of me in an alluring, mischievous array. You captured every aspect of Cyrus that is distinct and unique to him and him alone, from the various paths that his journey in Verona could take, to the tragic, painfully human starting point that paved the way for it, to his mannerisms and devious charm. He's going to be an absolute menace on the dash and I can't wait to see it! Please read over the checklist and send in your blog within 24 hours.

WELCOME TO THE MOB.

OUT OF CHARACTER

Alias | Charlie

Age | 23 in less than a month!

Preferred Pronouns | she/her

Activity Level | 5-8. I think we all know how chaotic everything gets at the moment and that’s also mirrored in my activity. On the one hand, I have A LOT of free time on my hands right now and a very high motivation to write, at the same time, my mood is also very fickle throughout the day and can quickly jump from feeling like writing a novel to not even wanting to touch my laptop. However, I’m around for plotting basically 24/7 and have established in the past that queuing my replies works very well for me, so I’d be able to deliver replies on a regular basis.

Timezone | GMT+1/CET 

How did you find the rp?  | I’ve been a part of DV before.

Current/Past RP Accounts | https://ofduval.tumblr.com/

IN CHARACTER

Character | Cyrus Sloane

What drew you to this character? |

When I knew I wanted to rejoin Diverona, I also realized that I wanted to write a character, who challenges me as a writer, this time around and thus, started looking at characters I’ve never paid any real attention before as they’re not my go-to kinds of characters.

And then I stumbled across Cyrus bio and, for the first time ever since I stumbled across the group two years ago, truly read it. And what can I say, I fell in love.

He’s darkness combined with the charm and holiness of an angel, a paradox in itself. He’s like Lucifer, the one who shined brightest of all only to fall deeper than all the other angels. And just like Lucifer, he’d rather reign in Hell than serve in Heaven. He’ll do whatever it takes to build his own kingdom. Flectere si nequeo superos, acheronta movebo; if I cannot bend heaven, I’ll raise hell. 

Like the most poisonous flowers, he’s as beautiful as they come and will kill you softly from inside. Cyrus Sloane isn’t handsome nor attractive, he’s beautiful and that’s precisely what makes him so dangerous. To quote The Secret History: ‘Beauty is terror. Whatever we call beautiful, we quiver before it.’ You’ll fear his name and yet, you also won’t help but feel drawn to it, almost like a fly to a Venus flytrap.

Also, his relationship with Vivianne? W o w is all I have to say about that. No, seriously, I’m so emo over this connection, you wouldn’t believe it. There is just so much potential in there, so much tragedy, so much angst, anger, chaos, and destruction that still deserves to unfold. And I yearn to be the one who gets the chance to do that. 

From reading up on past plot drops and my personal experience within the group (which might be totally wrong, it’s just my subjective perception!), I feel like, so far, Cyrus hasn’t really had the chance to play a key role, to go through the character development he deserves, to matter as much as he should. And I want to give this character, that has grown to be so near and dear to my heart in the past days, the chance to shine that he deserves. For the first time in forever, I can’t even bring myself to truly stress out over the application process as I normally do because this app simply needed to be written, I needed to write Cyrus at least once, even if it’s just in this app. 

Because he does things with me, I myself don’t quite understand just yet. To be frank, Cyrus Sloane gives me a freaking headache, I’m not gonna lie about that. He’s so much and so different from what I’m used to. But still, I just can’t help coming back for more. Which I feel is exactly what Cyrus does? No matter if he hurts you or puts you in uncomfortable situations, you’ll come back craving more. 

And I’m definitely craving more of him.

What future plot idea you have in mind for the character? |

mother dearest.

Did she weep when she abandoned him? It’s a question he stopped asking himself a long time ago and yet, it still haunts him. He doesn’t want it to, has done everything in his power to stop caring about it and yet, it’s ingrained so deeply in his bones that even breaking them wouldn’t make him forget it.

Cyrus’ questions of what he did wrong to deserve such a fate turned into hatred for the woman, who is to blame for it all years ago. And still, there is still this childlike curiosity, this desire, so suppressed and ignored that even he believes he’s actually forgotten it, to find out why. 

The dynamic between Vivianne and Cyrus is a very delicate, very intriguing one and I’d love to explore it further. I’m not sure how much has happened there yet as it’s something that needed to be discussed with Lina, but I’d love for Cyrus to get those answers he tells himself he doesn’t even want to know anymore somewhere down the line. Maybe at one point, he might even downright confront her and demand to get them, though this roughness and lack of subtlety would have to be provoked in some way as it’s not his usual style. Nor does he really want her to know that he cares, or acknowledge that himself for that matter. 

I highly doubt that the knowledge of why will be enough to ease the hatred, the pain of the still aching wound that never healed. Finding out what happened, most likely won’t change anything about his determination to see her kingdom come undone as I imagine him being too far down this path for redemption. And yet, it’d be fun to see this already so complex dynamic filled with even more layers. 

see it all burn to ashes.

The tale of a mother abandoning her son, throwing him to the wolves is one as old as time.  The fatal consequences this act of cruelty can bring with it are just as well known. 

And yet, Cyrus intends to outdo them all. 

Considering how I feel like it’s his main character arch, I’m not going to be very concrete here as I think it’s something that needs to be plotted out together with other writers, not to mention that there are so many different routes that this arch could go. After all, all roads lead to Rome. 

One interesting option would be attempting to destroy the Capulets from within. For that, he’d have to make himself irreplaceable. 

This could go hand in hand together with the plot mentioned further below regarding him following into Cassian’s footsteps so I’m not going to delve into that here.

Additionally, In a city like Verona, secrets are a currency more valuable than money, as is information. Mona Chen is a perfect example of the importance of secrets just as the dead witches were. Considering how Mona now not only doesn’t work exclusively for the Capulets any longer but also charges them a heavier price than she used to, it’d be in the Capulets’ interests to replace her with somebody who works exclusively for them, who gives them the information they want for free. I’m not entirely sure of the concrete way to achieve it just yet, but I imagine somebody as charming and talented at manipulations as Cyrus is would be capable of eliciting secrets out of people without them truly realizing what they’re giving up. He might even build his own network of spies to take over that ‘vacant’ position. 

Secondly, he could attempt to set the Capulet empire aflame with the help of the Montagues, after all, there is some truth in the saying “the enemy of my enemy is my friend”. I’m also be going into more detail about that idea in a further plot point.

Whatever route, Cyrus will take in the end, I do want him to make a mark. To do some damage at least. Even though he’s young, he couldn’t have ever crowned himself king of Cape Town if he didn’t know how to gain power. 

the old king is dead, long live the king.

I feel like with Cassian - his mentor - dead, Cyrus is going to strive towards stepping into his footsteps and taking over his role in politics within Verona. After all, it’s what he trained for, what he endured Cassian’s company for. Only that he’ll do a better job as Cassian could have. After all, who could not fall in love with his angelic smile and boyish charm?

Even in a city controlled by the mafia, the civilians still play an important role. Incur the people’s wrath and you’ll find yourself in a tough position. Thus, getting the general population under control is most certainly a way to rise to power (as proven multiple times in various European countries in the past). 

I want Cyrus to get (more) involved with Verona’s politics, attempting to earn the support and respect of members of the leading families of Verona. As mentioned above, secrets are an important currency within Verona and not only among members of the mob. The more respectable the family is, the darker the secrets often are and the more determined they are to keep them hidden from public knowledge. 

Using that to his advantage paired with his boyish charm nobody ever has truly been able to resist, could be his way into politics and subsequently turning Verona into his kingdom.

He managed to do it in Cape Town, why shouldn’t the people of Verona earn to praise his name as well?

maybe we’re just young gods.

Saying Bernadette Dupont and Cyrus Sloane bring out the worst in each other, is an understatement. They’re a match made not in heaven but hell.

I think it’s safe to say that while causing havoc and chaos is fun, it’s not enough for them. For Cyrus at least it isn’t, he’s dead set on pushing the Capulets from their throne and putting himself on it instead. With Bunny as the queen by his side. 

I'm the king of everything and you’re the queen. 

I want to explore their relationship further. How far are they willing to go for each other, what lengths will they go to for their own amusement and selfish goals? Might there even be more going on between them than just causing destruction together? Could mutual selfishness possibly be replaced by truly caring about each other?

the enemy of my enemy.

First of all, I don’t think that Cyrus will ever truly betray the Capulets to become a Montague. Is there a chance of him betraying the capulets? Definitely. However, not to become somebody else’s puppet. No, if he does so, only because it’s in his best interests, because it helps him build his own empire.

His connection to Lawrence, whom he serves as an informant, is already a very intriguing and promising one as it’s a way for him to get involved with the Montagues. No matter what Lawrence might think, they’re meeting as equals, Cyrus only gives him the information for a price that he sets and not because he feels obliged to do so or because Lawrence has something on him. 

Considering how Lawrence isn’t a taken character as of right now and I don’t think he’s the only connection of this sort Cyrus has, I’d love to find a taken character with whom he’s entered a similar symbiosis. 

It’d be the perfect way into getting more power by slowly breaking down the Capulet kingdom piece by piece.

flying to close to the sun. 

Just like Icarus, Cyrus has built his own wings, yearning to fly, to become a god. And just like Icarus, at one point he’s bound to get too close to the sun, is going to get burned and plum into a yet unknown depth. 

Verona isn’t Cape Town and while he made himself a king there, while he built his own empire on another continent, this new playing field calls for stakes higher than any he’s ever known. He turned himself into a shark in a tank of guppies back then, how will he thrive in a tank full of sharks, all bigger and more experienced than him? 

The tragedy of striving to have everything is that you have all the more to lose. The higher you fly, the deeper you can fall. And it’d be such bittersweet irony if his ambition, his thirst to see his mother’s kingdom burned to ashes was the reason for him to get burned. 

I think, especially if I follow up on the previously mentioned plot of him getting more involved with the Montagues, that this has a good chance of getting him into serious trouble. After all, with Viola already being outed as a traitor to the Capulets, the stakes are higher than they’ve ever been before. After all, it only stands to reason the Capulets will be even more cautious now that they’ve found one mole in their midst. If there’s one, who says that there aren’t more? 

Are you comfortable with killing off your character? | Yes and no. It needs to be under the right circumstances and, to be perfectly honest, I don’t think I’d want to let him go for quite a while. In my eyes, it’d be a logical conclusion for him to die at some point as he’s just an arrogant boy throwing himself into a war against much older, more experienced people to burn everything his mother ever held dear down and rise as a god from the ashes. I wouldn’t be surprised if this hubris got him killed one day. However, I’d want him to make his mark first somehow. 

 IN DEPTH

muder tw, gore tw

Father, forgive me for I’ve sinned. 

Lips curl into the hint of a smirk as he lazily crosses his legs, right feet resting on his left thigh. The confessional box is just big enough for him to find a comfortable position and yet, his foot touches the dark wood of the wall separating him and the priest. And he cannot help but wonder if its main purpose is precisely that, making it almost impossible to find a comfortable position. 

If a god finds it necessary to intimidate his followers by forcing them to confess their sins in a state of uncomfortableness, he cannot be very intimidating in the first place, can he? 

“I’m afraid I didn’t get your question, padre, mi dispiace.” The words leave his mouth with honey-laced innocence, and while there is not a single hint of doubt in his mind that the priest will buy it right up, the curl of his lips colors their sincerity a lie. It’s almost a shame really, how the insincerity of this show is carefully concealed by the wood in between them, the small openings leaving just enough space for words to transfer back and forth between the two sections. 

Then again, what fun is it if you jump right to the end?

He has a grim business ahead one him, a gruesome duty, one he tells himself he doesn’t necessarily enjoy (except you do, a tiny voice whispers in the back of his mind, he chooses to ignore it). It’s something he needs to do. Betray him and you’ll pay the price, it’s a rule as simple as it can be and yet, one he’d enforce no matter what it’d take. Growing up with catholic foster parents, religion has always played a part in his life. He grew up to follow the Christian beliefs, to respect God and all his messengers on Earth. And yet, doing the Lord’s work won’t save the priest. His treason won’t go unpunished. 

For there is only one god in Cape Town and his name is Cyrus Sloane. 

“Tell me, son, do you regret your sins?” 

The priest’s voice is calm, patient, almost gentle. And yet, it causes him to flinch just slightly. For a small moment, so short and fleeting that it has passed in the blink of an eye, hesitation and doubt shadow his mind. Maybe he shouldn’t go on. If he takes this next step, there’s no turning back. He’ll cross a line drawn so deeply into the ground that it’s almost a canyon. If he crosses that line, he’ll truly be the monster some bold voices already call him out to be in hushed whispers behind his back.

Instinctively, he pushes his chin out just a little, jaw muscles tensing in defiance of the thought, 

Maybe if they didn’t want him to turn into a monster, they shouldn’t have crossed the simple rules he put up. Maybe they should have been smart enough to not try to bury a dagger in his back in the hope of hitting his heart.

Don’t they already know that it’s nothing but rotten flesh anyway? 

“Which one? The ones I’ve already committed or the ones I’ll still commit?” Casual yet empathetic words leave sensual lips with just a hint of amusement lying beneath. And yet, despite it all, there’s a kind of honesty, so sincere and authentic that it cannot be faked, to be found in them. Cyrus doesn’t regret the hard decisions he has to make nor the one he’ll still make in the future; power and the world as his kingdom are his birthrights, a god doesn’t care about the havoc that follows in his wake. And neither does he; if anything he opens it with open arms. And nonetheless, there were some lines that there were harder to cross as others.

The best lies and manipulations always have a ring of truth to them, but maybe that’s just another lie people tell themselves so they won’t have to be ashamed of their true feelings.  

“The ones you’ve already committed will do for now. Confess them and beg the Lord for His forgiveness so that with His grace I can grant you absolution for your sins and you can leave reborn in the light of His mercy.”

A soft chuckle, so full of light it’d put angels to shame, rings through the air, fingers brushing through golden curls lazily, head resting against the wall behind him. “I’m afraid those are more than I can count. If I recall them all, we’ll still sit here tomorrow and your god’s ears will bleed in terror.” 

But then again, the same god stood by and did nothing when his own mother abandoned him so maybe he’s crueler than he’d give him credit for.

Though he tries not to show it, in fact, tries his best to gloss over the priest’s patience is starting to grow thinner and thinner, no longer a sturdy thread of wool but more a silk thread hanging dangerously thin in the air. It’s as obvious to him like blood in the water to a shark, Cyrus feels just as drawn to it. Charm is his weapon of choice, an automatism if he dare say, and yet, there’s nothing quite as satisfying as seeing a grown man slowly but surely come undone. 

Figuratively as well as literally. 

“Do you regret them at least?”

For a moment there is silence, only the damp, cold air only filled by the soft sounds of quiet breathing. Cyrus takes a moment to answer, the tension growing thicker with every passing blink until it’s thick enough to cut. Feet light like a gazelle he stands up and with two decisive steps, long legs moving gracefully, he bridges the distance between them.

“Not really, no”, he says, looking down into the priest’s puzzled face, lips curled into an angelic smile.

It’s the same smile Lucifer must have worn when he stood in front of his creator, so terrifyingly beautiful it could kill the weak of heart.

“I’m afraid I’ll have to confess that I don’t regret any of them”, the smile still locked onto the priest like sharp shooter’s sight on his next target, he calmly pulls the knife out of its sheath carefully hidden by the backside of his Armani jumper and dark jeans. Though it becomes more obvious with every passing second what he’s intending to do, every movement is done in accurate precision without any hurry. 

He rules this town, there’s no need to hurry. Especially not considering how the priest stares at him like a fly caught in a spider net might at the slowly but surely approaching spider, fangs opening wider with every step it takes. 

“I’m not sure if there’s anything I need to confess”, he adds, posture straight and balanced like the king he was born to be, tone as charming as ever. If anybody was looking for a spark of lunacy in his dark eyes, they’d have to look forever for there is none. Cyrus Sloane isn’t crazy, this isn’t the act of an insane person who’s lost touch with all rationality. No, he knows exactly what he’s doing and doesn’t do it despite it but because of it. 

Head slightly cocked to the right, his gaze wanders over the priest’s face once more, soaking up the slowly rising panic like another might the smell of freshly baked cookies. 

It tastes just as sweet in his mouth.

“Che mi dici di te, padre? Is there anything you’d like to confess in front of your god?” 

Be it the one hanging on the cross at the other end up the church or the one standing right in front of him. 

His words leave a sense of finality in their wake, he knows they both can feel it. Good. As exhilarating as this little situation is, there’s only a small line between exhilarating and boring. 

The priest’s eyes open so wide that Cyrus is a little afraid they’re gonna burst. Now that would be mess he wouldn’t envy his dry cleaner having to get it out of his clothes again.  

“I’m sorry”, he starts to blather, regressing to a man half his size and age, eyes full of not yet spoken pleas for mercy. Mercy that won’t be granted, but he doesn’t know that, at least not yet. Soon he’ll find out while taking his dying breaths that this town has no mercy for those betraying its king. “I didn’t mean to…”

Before the old priest can finish his sentence, Cyrus cuts his throat with one swift, determined motion, blood bursting out like air out of a ballon as soon as the cut is made, spraying his formerly clean clothes.

He couldn’t care less.

Carefully, he wipes the blade clean with a handkerchief, the one innocent white cloth now tainted by the crimson red of treason, of revenge. He tucks it back into his pocket before stepping over the lifeless body without giving it another look, his face as unreadable as a dark, cloudy sky.

Father, forgive me for I’ve sinned. For deep down, I know I’ll do it again if I have to. Without any shame or regret. 

 Extras: You can find a pinterest board here.

[aboutnorsemythology]

Loki`s truths

Ægir, who was also called Gymir, had prepared ale for the gods, after he had got the mighty kettle, as now has been told. To this feast came Othin and Frigg, his wife. Thor came not, as he was on a journey in the East. Sif,

Thor's wife, was there, and Brag, with Ithun, his wife. Tyr, who had but one hand, was there; the wolf Fenrir had bitten off his other hand when they had bound him. There were Njorth and Skathi his wife, Freyr and Freyja, and Vithar, the son of Othin. Loki was there, and Freyr's servants Byggvir and Beyla. Many were there of the gods and elves

Ægir had two serving-men, Fimafeng and Eldir. Glittering gold they had in place of firelight; the ale came in of itself; and great was the peace. The guests praised much the ability of Ægir's serving-men. Loki might not endure that, and he slew Fimafeng. Then the gods shook their shields and howled at Loki and drove him away to the forest, and thereafter set to drinking again. Loki turned back, and outside he met Eldir. Loki spoke to him:

1. "Speak now, Eldir, | for not one step Farther shalt thou fare; What ale-talk here | do they have within, The sons of the glorious gods?"

Eldir spake: 2. "Of their weapons they talk, | and their might in war, The sons of the glorious gods; From the gods and elves | who are gathered here No friend in words shalt thou find."

Loki spake: 3. "In shall I go | into Ægir's hall, For the feast I fain would see;

Bale and hatred | I bring to the gods, And their mead with venom I mix."

Eldir spake: 4. "If in thou goest | to Ægir's hall, And fain the feast wouldst see, And with slander and spite | wouldst sprinkle the gods, Think well lest they wipe it on thee."

Loki spake: 5. "Bethink thee, Eldir, | if thou and I Shall strive with spiteful speech; Richer I grow | in ready words If thou speakest too much to me."

Then Loki went into the hall, but when they who were there saw who had entered, they were all silent.

Loki spake: 6. "Thirsty I come | into this thine hall, I, Lopt,(1) from a journey long, To ask of the gods | that one should give Fair mead for a drink to me.

7. "Why sit ye silent, | swollen with pride, Ye gods, and no answer give?

(1)Lopt: like Lothur (cf. Voluspo, 18) another name for Loki

At your feast a place | and a seat prepare me, Or bid me forth to fare."

Bragi spake: 8. "A place and a seat | will the gods prepare No more in their midst for thee; For the gods know well | what men they wish To find at their mighty feasts."

Loki spake: 9. "Remember, Othin, | in olden days That we both our blood have mixed; (2) Then didst thou promise | no ale to pour, Unless it were brought for us both."

Othin spake: 10. "Stand forth then, Vithar, | and let the wolf's father Find a seat at our feast;

(2) Loki speaks of an oath of blood but never mentions a brotherhood, this was erroneously interpreted and perhaps it makes reference to verse Volusp, 18  that refers to the creation of men.

Lest evil should Loki | speak aloud Here within Ægir's hall."

Then Vithar arose and poured drink for Loki; but before he drank he spoke to the gods:

11. "Hail to you, gods! | ye goddesses, hail! Hail to the holy throng! Save for the god | who yonder sits, Bragi there on the bench."

Bragi spake: 12. "A horse and a sword | from my hoard will I give, And a ring gives Bragi to boot, That hatred thou makst not | among the gods; So rouse not the great ones to wrath."

Loki spake: 13. "In horses and rings | thou shalt never be rich, Bragi, but both shalt thou lack; Of the gods and elves | here together met Least brave in battle art thou, (And shyest thou art of the shot.)"

Bragi spake: 14. "Now were I without | as I am within,

And here in Ægir's hall, Thine head would I bear | in mine hands away, And pay thee the price of thy lies."

Loki spake: 15. "In thy seat art thou bold, | not so are thy deeds, Bragi, adorner of benches! Go out and fight | if angered thou feelest, No hero such forethought has."

Ithun spake: 16. "Well, prithee, Bragi, | his kinship weigh, Since chosen as wish-son he was; And speak not to Loki | such words of spite Here within Ægir's hall."

Loki spake: 17. "Be silent, Ithun! | thou art, I say,

Of women most lustful in love, Since thou thy washed-bright | arms didst wind About thy brother's slayer."

Ithun spake: 18. "To Loki I speak not | with spiteful words Here within Ægir's hall; And Bragi I calm, | who is hot with beer, For I wish not that fierce they should fight."

Gefjun spake: 19. "Why, ye gods twain, | with bitter tongues Raise hate among us here? Loki is famed | for his mockery foul, And the dwellers in heaven he hates."

Loki spake: 20. "Be silent, Gefjun! | for now shall I say Who led thee to evil life; The boy so fair | gave a necklace bright, And about him thy leg was laid."

Othin spake: 21. "Mad art thou, Loki, | and little of wit, The wrath of Gefjun to rouse; For the fate that is set | for all she sees, Even as I, methinks."

Loki spake: 22. "Be silent, Othin! | not justly thou settest The fate of the fight among men; Oft gavst thou to him | who deserved not the gift, To the baser, the battle's prize."

Othin spake: 23. "Though I gave to him | who deserved not the gift, To the baser, the battle's prize; Winters eight | wast thou under the earth, Milking the cows as a maid, (Ay, and babes didst thou bear; Unmanly thy soul must seem.)"

23. There is no other reference to Loki's having spent eight years underground, or to his cow-milking. On one occasion, however, he did bear offspring. A giant had undertaken to build the gods a fortress, his reward being Freyja and the sun and moon, provided the work was done by a given time. His sole helper was his horse, Svathilfari. The work being nearly done, and the gods fearing to lose Freyja and the sun and moon, Loki turned himself into a mare, and so effectually distracted Svathilfari from his task that shortly afterwards Loki gave birth to Othin's eight-legged horse, Sleipnir. In such contests of abuse a man was not infrequently taunted with having borne children.

Loki spake: 24. "They say that with spells | in Samsey once Like witches with charms didst thou work; And in witch's guise | among men didst thou go; Unmanly thy soul must seem."

Frigg spake: 25. "Of the deeds ye two | of old have done Ye should make no speech among men; Whate'er ye have done | in days gone by, Old tales should ne'er be told."

Loki spake: 26. "Be silent, Frigg! | thou art Fjorgyn's wife, But ever lustful in love; For Vili and Ve, | thou wife of Vithrir, Frigg spake: 27. "If a son like Baldr | were by me now, Here within Ægir's hall, From the sons of the gods | thou shouldst go not forth Till thy fierceness in fight were tried."

Loki spake: 28. "Thou wilt then, Frigg, | that further I tell Of the ill that now I know; Mine is the blame | that Baldr no more Thou seest ride home to the hall."

Freyja spake: 29. "Mad art thou, Loki, | that known thou makest The wrong and shame thou hast wrought; The fate of all | does Frigg know well, Though herself she says it not."

Loki spake: 30. "Be silent, Freyja! | for fully I know thee, Sinless thou art not thyself;

Both in thy bosom have lain."

Of the gods and elves | who are gathered here, Each one as thy lover has lain."

Freyja spake: 31. "False is thy tongue, | and soon shalt thou find That it sings thee an evil song; The gods are wroth, | and the goddesses all, And in grief shalt thou homeward go."

Loki spake: 32. "Be silent, Freyja! | thou foulest witch, And steeped full sore in sin; In the arms of thy brother | the bright gods caught thee When Freyja her wind set free."

Njorth spake: 33. "Small ill does it work | though a woman may have A lord or a lover or both; But a wonder it is | that this womanish god Comes hither, though babes he has borne."

Loki spake: 34. "Be silent, Njorth; | thou wast eastward sent, To the gods as a hostage given; And the daughters of Hymir | their privy had When use did they make of thy mouth."

Njorth spake: 35. "Great was my gain, | though long was I gone, To the gods as a hostage given; The son did I have | whom no man hates, And foremost of gods is found."

Loki spake: 36. "Give heed now, Njorth, | nor boast too high, No longer I hold it hid; With thy sister hadst thou | so fair a son, Thus hadst thou no worse a hope."

Tyr spake: 37. "Of the heroes brave | is Freyr the best Here in the home of the gods;

He harms not maids | nor the wives of men, And the bound from their fetters he frees."

Loki spake: 38. "Be silent, Tyr! | for between two men Friendship thou ne'er couldst fashion; Fain would I tell | how Fenrir once Thy right hand rent from thee."

Tyr spake: 39. "My hand do I lack, | but Hrothvitnir thou, And the loss brings longing to both; Ill fares the wolf | who shall ever await In fetters the fall of the gods."

Loki spake: 40. "Be silent, Tyr! | for a son with me Thy wife once chanced to win; Not a penny, methinks, | wast thou paid for the wrong, Nor wast righted an inch, poor wretch."

Freyr spake: 41. "By the mouth of the river | the wolf remains

Till the gods to destruction go; Thou too shalt soon, | if thy tongue is not stilled, Be fettered, thou forger of ill."

Loki spake: 42. "The daughter of Gymir | with gold didst thou buy, And sold thy sword to boot; But when Muspell's sons | through Myrkwood ride, Thou shalt weaponless wait, poor wretch."

Byggvir spake: 43. "Had I birth so famous | as Ingunar-Freyr, And sat in so lofty a seat,

I would crush to marrow | this croaker of ill, And beat all his body to bits."

Loki spake: 44. "What little creature | goes crawling there, Snuffling and snapping about? At Freyr's ears ever | wilt thou be found, Or muttering hard at the mill."

Byggvir spake: 45. "Byggvir my name, | and nimble am I, As gods and men do grant; And here am I proud | that the children of Hropt Together all drink ale."

Loki spake: 46. "Be silent, Byggvir! | thou never couldst set Their shares of the meat for men; Hid in straw on the floor, | they found thee not When heroes were fain to fight."

Heimdall spake: 47. "Drunk art thou, Loki, | and mad are thy deeds, Why, Loki, leavst thou this not?

For drink beyond measure | will lead all men No thought of their tongues to take."

Loki spake: 48. "Be silent, Heimdall! | in days long since Was an evil fate for thee fixed; With back held stiff | must thou ever stand, As warder of heaven to watch."

Skathi spake: 49. "Light art thou, Loki, | but longer thou mayst not In freedom flourish thy tail; On the rocks the gods bind thee | with bowels torn Forth from thy frost-cold son."

Loki spake: 50. "Though on rocks the gods bind me | with bowels torn Forth from my frost-cold son,

49. Skathi: the wife of Njorth, and daughter of the giant Thjazi, concerning whose death cf. Harbarthsljoth,  Bowels, etc.: according to the prose note at the end of the Lokasenna, the gods bound Loki with the bowels of his son Vali, and changed his other son, Narfi, into a wolf. Snorri turns the story about Vali being the wolf, who tears his brother to pieces, the gods then using Narfi's intestines to bind Loki. Narfi--and presumably Vali--were the sons of Loki and his wife, Sigyn. They appear only in this episode, though Narfi (or Nari) is named by Snorri in his list of Loki's children

I was first and last | at the deadly fight There where Thjazi we caught."

Skathi spake: 51. "Wert thou first and last | at the deadly fight There where Thjazi was caught, From my dwellings and fields | shall ever come forth A counsel cold for thee."

Loki spake: 52. "More lightly thou spakest | with Laufey's son, (3) When thou badst me come to thy bed; Such things must be known | if now we two Shall seek our sins to tell."

(3) Loki Laufeyjarson post

Then Sif came forward and poured mead for Loki in a crystal cup, and said:

53. "Hail too thee, Loki, | and take thou here The crystal cup of old mead; For me at least, | alone of the gods, Blameless thou knowest to be."

He took the horn, and drank therefrom:

54. "Alone thou wert | if truly thou wouldst All men so shyly shun; But one do I know | full well, methinks, Who had thee from Hlorrithi's arms,-- (Loki the crafty in lies.)"

Beyla spake: 55. "The mountains shake, | and surely I think From his home comes Hlorrithi now; He will silence the man | who is slandering here Together both gods and men."

Loki spake: 56. "Be silent, Beyla! | thou art Byggvir's wife, And deep art thou steeped in sin; A greater shame | to the gods came ne'er, Befouled thou art with thy filth."

Then came Thor forth, and spake:

57. "Unmanly one, cease, | or the mighty hammer, Mjollnir, shall close thy mouth;

Thy shoulder-cliff | shall I cleave from thy neck, And so shall thy life be lost."

Loki spake: 58. "Lo, in has come | the son of Earth: Why threaten so loudly, Thor? Less fierce thou shalt go | to fight with the wolf When he swallows Sigfather up."

Thor spake: 59. "Unmanly one, cease, | or the mighty hammer, Mjollnir, shall close thy mouth; I shall hurl thee up | and out in the East, Where men shall see thee no more."

Loki spake: 60. "That thou hast fared | on the East-road forth To men shouldst thou say no more;

In the thumb of a glove | didst thou hide, thou great one, And there forgot thou wast Thor."

Thor spake: 61. "Unmanly one, cease, | or the mighty hammer, Mjollnir, shall close thy mouth; My right hand shall smite thee | with Hrungnir's slayer, Till all thy bones are broken."

Loki spake: 62. "Along time still | do I think to live, Though thou threatenest thus with thy hammer; Rough seemed the straps | of Skrymir's wallet, When thy meat thou mightest not get, (And faint from hunger didst feel.)"

Thor spake: 63. "Unmanly one, cease, | or the mighty hammer, Mjollnir, shall close thy mouth;

62- Thor`s journey  to the Land of the Giants

The slayer of Hrungnir | shall send thee to hell, And down to the gate of death."

Loki spake: 64. "'1 have said to the gods | and the sons of the god, The things that whetted my thoughts; But before thee alone | do I now go forth, For thou fightest well, I ween.

65. "Ale hast thou brewed, | but, Ægir, now Such feasts shalt thou make no more; O'er all that thou hast | which is here within Shall play the flickering flames, (And thy back shall be burnt with fire.)"

And after that Loki hid himself in Franang's waterfall in the guise of a salmon, and there the gods took him. He was bound with the bowels of his son Vali, but his son Narfi was changed to a wolf. Skathi took a poison-snake and fastened it up over Loki's face, and the poison dropped thereon. Sigyn, Loki's wife, sat there and held a shell under the poison, but when the shell was full she bore away the poison, and meanwhile the poison dropped on Loki. Then he struggled so hard that the whole earth shook therewith; and now that is called an earthquake.

Complete analysis in process

[closetofanxiety]

50 Wrestling Questions: Why Not

Remember this? It’s been a while. Let’s do this again. Let’s twist again like we did last summer. Or the summer of 2017 in this case.

1. What got you into wrestling?

People ask me this all the time, and I don’t really have a good answer. I’ve liked it on and off since I was very young, and who knows why you like the stuff you like when you’re a little kid? 

2. What is your favorite wrestling promotion?

Of all time: ECW, even though I would probably think of it very differently if it were happening today. Currently: Beyond Wrestling. 

3. Favorite male wrestler of all time?

Gorgeous George, but if we’re talking about people who were alive when I was alive, Dusty Rhodes. I want to say Bruiser Brody, but in my heart I would know I was just saying that to look cool. 

4. Favorite female wrestler of all time?

Gail Kim. For the longest time, she was the only woman in a major global wrestling company who got over based on her wrestling ability. She was doing stuff in TNA that was years ahead of its time, and could adapt her style to get great matches with a variety of opponents with very different backgrounds. And she can still go, as she showed in the match against Tessa Blanchard the other night. I know it would be cooler to say Bull Nakano or Chigusa Nagayo or something, but I don’t know enough of their stuff to make that claim credible. I am who I am, a person who goes to the mall to buy shoes. 

5. Favorite current male wrestler?

Nick Gage

6. Favorite current female wrestler?

Momo Watanabe 

7. Favorite theme song?

Joey Janela’s music captures his vibe perfectly, and sounds great being blasted out of PA speakers inside a small bar or VFW hall. Of all time, probably, I don’t know, Honky Tonk Man? In an ironic way that slowly becomes sincere?

8. Least favorite theme song?

Ricochet’s WWE theme music is pretty dreadful. 

9. Favorite gimmick?

Currently: Orange Cassidy. All time: Road Warriors maybe? They were almost 100 percent gimmick, and they were the biggest tag team in the world at a great time for tag team wrestling. 

10. Least favorite gimmick?

All the racist and gay-hating gimmicks that have been used throughout the years are more or less equally horrible. If we’re talking about a terrible gimmick that was non-malignant, I’d say it was taking giant indestructible ass-kicker Mike Awesome and making him “That 70s Guy.” 

11. Best entrance (either their usual entrance or a special one, like a Wrestlemania entrance)?

Gorgeous George had the best entrance of all time, and it’s been copied ever since (Ric Flair’s entrance is basically Gorgeous George’s, scored with a different piece of classical music). The Sandman also had a great entrance. He was kind of all-entrance, now that I think of it. I also love those old shows in Japan where Brody would come out to “Immigrant Song” running through the crowd, swinging a fucking chain over his head like a lunatic. An entrance that makes you fear for your life: mission accomplished. 

12. Best Undertaker Wrestlemania match?

I am not the right person to ask for Undertaker superlatives, but the Lesnar match had a legitimately shocking conclusion that I still appreciate 

13. Most overrated?

I’m tempted to incur the wrath of the online by making a contrarian hot take selection like Ken Omega, but in reality it’s probably the Undertaker. 

14. Most underrated?

There are a million choices from before the 1980s, the Before Time of contemporary pro wrestling. Edouard Carpentier, say; he was having matches in 1970 that would not look out of place in 2019. Since the 1980s, I’d say Jerry Lynn is a very strong contender for most underrated. The popular choice would be Sid or Lex Luger, but I think they’re pretty much rated exactly as they should be. 

15. Have you ever been to an event? If so, which one?

I certainly have been to many pro wrestling events. I go to one or two a month. Like a lot of things, wrestling is pretty much always fun in person. It helps that the Northeast has a ton of good companies within easy driving distance. My favorite show of all time might be Americanrana 2016. 

16. Who has the best merch?

We’re in a weird period where people on Instagram are making better shirt designs (in insanely limited editions) than the vast majority of wrestlers or wrestling companies. I will say that Kris Wolf has yet to make an ugly or boring piece of merchandise, which is a huge complication in this day and age. 

17. Do you own any merch?

Nope! Wait, I mean, “yes, entirely too much.” Shirts, 8 x 10s, DVDs, magazines, random pieces like fancy enamel badges and a stack of Okada bucks. The one thing I’ve never gotten into is action figures, and that’s probably good for the ol’ bank balance. 

18. Best nickname?

"The American Dream” Dusty Rhodes is an all-time classic. 

19. Worst nickname?

"The Game” is a dumb nickname. “The Cerebral Assassin” is also a dumb nickname. Are assassins supposed to be stupid? I bet they’re typically very smart, although of low moral character. “Triple H” is his only good nickname, and even that sounds like the nickname of a guy who owns a car dealership out by the highway.

20. Best mic skills?

Nobody was ever better than Bobby Heenan, who had incredible range and versatility. He could do comedy and he could do menace. He could do calm and he could do spitting rage. He had an uncanny sense of timing and was quicker on his feet than almost anyone. No one really comes close at matching his astonishing depth, but Dusty Rhodes was an all-time great promo. He really made you care about wrestling matches, which is not an easy thing to do.

21. Most annoying?

I mean, it has to be Vince McMahon. 

22. Most attractive male?

Is Tanahashi too obvious a choice? Best hair in wrestling. It’s incredible and luxurious, like an untamed mountain stream. Andrade “Cien” Almas or whatever they’ve shortened his name to (”And”) is a handsome man. Killer Kross: very handsome. We live in a golden age of attractive wrestlers. Just look back at the gassed-up Zubaz mastodons of the 1980s, or the territories-era guys who all looked like they were 48 years old and had pot bellies. You almost have to try to find unattractive wrestlers. Nick Gage, for instance. But I’m sure even he has his swooning admirers. 

23. Most attractive female?

Again, what a time for attractive wrestlers. It may be shallow, but wrestling is a business that’s at least partially cosmetic. Attractive people sell tickets. I would, and have, bought a ticket to see Hana Kimura. 

24. Favorite faction?

Of all time? Probably the Barry Windham-era Four Horsemen. More recently, Team Pazuzu. 

25. Worst faction?

BULLET CLUB. No, it’s not the Bullet Club, as exhausted as they’ve become. It’s probably the nWo after early 1998 or so, when they had like 60 members and dragged down every storyline. 

26. Best ring gear?

Su Yung and Pentagon Jr. 

27. Who do you think would be the nicest in real life?

I bet Jerry Lynn is a good guy to know. People in wrestling universally praise Little Guido, which is very rare. The Young Bucks seem like they might be decent dudes. Willow Nightingale told a story on a podcast about Nick Gage excitedly playing with Solo Darling’s dog backstage, so you never know. 

28. Who would be the rudest in real life?

On the indie level, it’s probably someone who doesn’t work very much. Above the indie level, I bet some of those British guys are secretly horrible, like Jimmy Havoc. 

29. Favorite heel?

Currently it’s a tie between MJF and Alisha Edwards, two of the only people who can regularly get indie crowds to boo them. Of all time, heel Flair was hard to beat. 

30. Most hardcore?

It’s definitely either a guy in Japan or a guy in Mexico, and he’s definitely been burned by explosive charges multiple times. Onita? It’s probably Onita. Or Jun Kasai? I think Onita has probably been exploded more times than Jun Kasai. 

31. A wrestler you could beat?

At wrestling? Not a single one of them. Nicholas, the small boy who won the WWE tag team championship with Braun Strowman, would wipe the floor with me. Even the most callow bodybuilder-turned-wrestler would not break a sweat beating me senseless. But writing talking points for senior administration officials in preparation for legislative testimony? Now you’re on my turf. Not so tough now, huh, Nicholas? 

32. Best story line?

Freebirds vs. Von Erichs or Stone Cold vs. Vince. My heart says the former, my head says the latter. 

33. Biggest missed opportunity for a story line?

The WWE blowing the invasion angle after purchasing WCW is the obvious one. More recently, they blew it by not turning Reigns heel. 

34. Worst story line?

Ha, so many of them. Impossible to choose just one. At least most of the dumb embarrassing Russo ones in WCW and TNA were basically harmless, like the time Samoa Joe got kidnapped by ninjas. The Chuck and Billy wedding thing was far worse. A low point even by Vince’s impressively cretinous standards.

35. Which wrestler should turn heel?

I’d like to see a Jordynne Grace heel run in Impact. Heel Finn Balor would also be good. 

36. Which wrestler should turn face?

Samoa Joe has a good fiery babyface, “I’m tired of doing your dirty work, McMahon!” run in him. 

37. Who would be the worst to room with?

Can you imagine sharing a living space with Enzo Amore? Or the thicket of twee Disney merchandise you’d have to negotiate every day if you lived with Johnny Gargano?

38. Who would be the best to room with?

I bet Eddie Edwards would be a surprisingly thoughtful roommate, like he’d always do the dishes “because I love doing them!,” that kind of thing. I have nothing to base this suspicion on, he just seems like my old roommate, Shane, who was like that. 

39. Who would be your best friend if you were a wrestler?

I’d like to say Jushin Thunder Liger, and posit that we would go on exciting adventures, but the answer is probably something like “Comp Time” Terry Dandridge, who wrestles monthly for 2Xtreme All-Pro Wrestling Alliance out of Euphoria, Kansas and has a 9 to 5 as a hardware store manager. 

40. What would your job be in a wrestling promotion?

I’d normally make a self-effacing joke here, but I do social media training at my real job, and so many wrestlers are badly in need of help in this area. 

41. Favorite wrestling podcast/Youtube channel?

I like AIW’s “The Card is Going to Change” podcast a lot, and there’s one by the owners of RevPro that’s pretty good. It’s hard to find a well-produced wrestling podcast that talks about independent wrestling. My favorite wrestling YouTube channel is OSW Review. 

42. Favorite finisher?

BURNING HAMMER

43. Least favorite finisher?

The Bayley-to-belly suplex. HOW IS THIS A FINISHING MOVE

44. Favorite match?

Kerry Von Erich vs. Jerry Lawler at Superclash III. It was a bloody, weird, engrossing spectacle, and it was the symbolic end of the territories era. 

45. Favorite PPV?

Royal Rumble is the last PPV my casual fan friends reliably want to see, and with good reason: it’s engrossing.

46. Guilty pleasure wrestler?

Big Banter Baron Corbin, but I feel no guilt here. He rules. 

47. Favorite submission?

THE KATA HA JIME, otherwise known as the Tazmission.

48. Most entertaining to watch?

All time? Randy Savage. Currently? Io Shirai. 

49. Best spot?

Anyone spitting mist into the unsuspecting eyes of their foes

50. Who do you most respect?

I respect you, booker man.

[roman-catholic-mass-readings]

7th August >> Mass Readings (USA)

Wednesday, Eighteenth Week in Ordinary Time 

    or 

Saints Sixtus II, Pope, and his Companions, Martyrs 

    or 

Saint Cajetan, Priest.

Wednesday, Eighteenth Week in Ordinary Time

(Liturgical Colour: Green)

First Reading

Numbers 13:1-2, 25–14:1, 26a-29a, 34-35

They despised the desirable land (Psalm 106:24).

The Lord said to Moses [in the desert of Paran,] “Send men to reconnoiter the land of Canaan, which I am giving the children of Israel. You shall send one man from each ancestral tribe, all of them princes.”

After reconnoitering the land for forty days they returned, met Moses and Aaron and the whole congregation of the children of Israel in the desert of Paran at Kadesh, made a report to them all, and showed the fruit of the country to the whole congregation. They told Moses:  “We went into the land to which you sent us. It does indeed flow with milk and honey, and here is its fruit. However, the people who are living in the land are fierce, and the towns are fortified and very strong. Besides, we saw descendants of the Anakim there. Amalekites live in the region of the Negeb; Hittites, Jebusites, and Amorites dwell in the highlands, and Canaanites along the seacoast and the banks of the Jordan.”

Caleb, however, to quiet the people toward Moses, said, “We ought to go up and seize the land, for we can certainly do so.” But the men who had gone up with him said, “We cannot attack these people; they are too strong for us.” So they spread discouraging reports among the children of Israel about the land they had scouted, saying, “The land that we explored is a country that consumes its inhabitants. And all the people we saw there are huge, veritable giants (the Anakim were a race of giants); we felt like mere grasshoppers, and so we must have seemed to them.”

At this, the whole community broke out with loud cries, and even in the night the people wailed.

The Lord said to Moses and Aaron: “How long will this wicked assembly grumble against me? I have heard the grumblings of the children of Israel against me. Tell them: By my life, says the Lord, I will do to you just what I have heard you say. Here in the desert shall your dead bodies fall. Forty days you spent in scouting the land; forty years shall you suffer for your crimes: one year for each day. Thus you will realize what it means to oppose me. I, the Lord, have sworn to do this to all this wicked assembly that conspired against me: here in the desert they shall die to the last man.”

The Word of the Lord

R/ Thanks be to God.

Responsorial Psalm

Psalm 106:6-7ab, 13-14, 21-22, 23

R/ Remember us, O Lord, as you favor your people.

We have sinned, we and our fathers;

we have committed crimes; we have done wrong.

Our fathers in Egypt

considered not your wonders.

R/ Remember us, O Lord, as you favor your people.

But soon they forgot his works;

they waited not for his counsel.

They gave way to craving in the desert

and tempted God in the wilderness.

R/ Remember us, O Lord, as you favor your people.

They forgot the God who had saved them,

who had done great deeds in Egypt,

Wondrous deeds in the land of Ham,

terrible things at the Red Sea.

R/ Remember us, O Lord, as you favor your people.

Then he spoke of exterminating them,

but Moses, his chosen one,

Withstood him in the breach

to turn back his destructive wrath.

R/ Remember us, O Lord, as you favor your people.

Gospel Acclamation

Luke 7:16

Alleluia, alleluia.

A great prophet has arisen in our midst

and God has visited his people.

Alleluia, alleluia.

Gospel

Matthew 15: 21-28

O woman, great is your faith!

At that time Jesus withdrew to the region of Tyre and Sidon. And behold, a Canaanite woman of that district came and called out, “Have pity on me, Lord, Son of David! My daughter is tormented by a demon.” But he did not say a word in answer to her. His disciples came and asked him, “Send her away, for she keeps calling out after us.” He said in reply, “I was sent only to the lost sheep of the house of Israel.” But the woman came and did him homage, saying, “Lord, help me.” He said in reply, “It is not right to take the food of the children and throw it to the dogs.” She said, “Please, Lord, for even the dogs eat the scraps that fall from the table of their masters.” Then Jesus said to her in reply, “O woman, great is your faith! Let it be done for you as you wish.” And her daughter was healed from that hour.

The Gospel of the Lord

R/ Praise to you, Lord Jesus Christ.

—————————-

Saints Sixtus II, Pope, and his Companions, Martyrs 

(Liturgical Colour: Red)

(Readings for the memorial

There is a choice today between the readings for the ferial day (Wednesday) and those for the memorial. The ferial readings are recommended unless pastoral reasons suggest otherwise)

First Reading

Wisdom 3:1-9

As sacrificial offerings he took them to himself.

The souls of the just are in the hand of God,

and no torment shall touch them.

They seemed, in the view of the foolish, to be dead;

and their passing away was thought an affliction

and their going forth from us, utter destruction.

But they are in peace.

For if before men, indeed, they be punished,

yet is their hope full of immortality;

Chastised a little, they shall be greatly blessed,

because God tried them

and found them worthy of himself.

As gold in the furnace, he proved them,

and as sacrificial offerings he took them to himself.

In the time of their visitation they shall shine,

and shall dart about as sparks through stubble;

They shall judge nations and rule over peoples,

and the Lord shall be their King forever.

Those who trust in him shall understand truth,

and the faithful shall abide with him in love:

Because grace and mercy are with his holy ones,

and his care is with his elect.

The Word of the Lord

R/ Thanks be to God.

Responsorial Psalm

Psalm 126:1bc-2ab, 2cd-3, 4-5, 6

R/ Those who sow in tears shall reap rejoicing.

When the Lord brought back the captives of Zion,

we were like men dreaming.

Then our mouth was filled with laughter,

and our tongue with rejoicing.

R/ Those who sow in tears shall reap rejoicing.

Then they said among the nations,

“The Lord has done great things for them.”

The Lord has done great things for us;

we are glad indeed.

R/ Those who sow in tears shall reap rejoicing.

Restore our fortunes, O Lord,

like the torrents in the southern desert.

Those who sow in tears

shall reap rejoicing.

R/ Those who sow in tears shall reap rejoicing.

Although they go forth weeping,

carrying the seed to be sown,

They shall come back rejoicing,

carrying their sheaves.

R/ Those who sow in tears shall reap rejoicing.

Gospel Acclamation

James 1:12

Alleluia, alleluia.

Blessed is the man who perseveres in temptation,

for when he has been proved he will receive the crown of life.

Alleluia, alleluia.

Gospel

Matthew 10:28-33

Do not be afraid of those who kill the body.

Jesus said to his Apostles: “Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul; rather, be afraid of the one who can destroy both soul and body in Gehenna. Are not two sparrows sold for a small coin? Yet not one of them falls to the ground without your Father’s knowledge. Even all the hairs of your head are counted. So do not be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. Everyone who acknowledges me before others I will acknowledge before my heavenly Father. But whoever denies me before others, I will deny before my heavenly Father.”

The Gospel of the Lord

R/ Praise to you, Lord Jesus Christ.

—————————

Saint Cajetan, Priest 

(Liturgical Colour: White)

(Readings for the memorial

There is a choice today between the readings for the ferial day (Wednesday) and those for the memorial. The ferial readings are recommended unless pastoral reasons suggest otherwise)

First Reading

Sirach 2:7-11

You who fear the Lord, believe in him, hope in him, love him.

You who fear the Lord, wait for his mercy,

turn not away lest you fall.

You who fear the Lord, trust him,

and your reward will not be lost.

You who fear the Lord, hope for good things,

for lasting joy and mercy.

You who fear the Lord, love him

and your hearts will be enlightened.

Study the generations long past and understand;

has anyone hoped in the Lord and been disappointed?

Has anyone persevered in his commandments and been forsaken?

Has anyone called upon him and been rebuffed?

Compassionate and merciful is the Lord;

he forgives sins, he saves in time of trouble

and he is a protector to all who seek him in truth.

The Word of the Lord

R/ Thanks be to God.

Responsorial Psalm

Psalm 112:1-2, 3-4, 5-6, 7-8, 9

R/ Blessed the man who fears the Lord.

or

R/ Alleluia.

Blessed the man who fears the Lord,

who greatly delights in his commands.

His posterity shall be mighty upon the earth;

the upright generation shall be blessed.

R/ Blessed the man who fears the Lord.

or

R/ Alleluia.

Wealth and riches shall be in his house;

his generosity shall endure forever.

Light shines through the darkness for the upright;

he is gracious and merciful and just.

R/ Blessed the man who fears the Lord.

or

R/ Alleluia.

Well for the man who is gracious and lends,

who conducts his affairs with justice;

He shall never be moved;

the just one shall be in everlasting remembrance.

R/ Blessed the man who fears the Lord.

or

R/ Alleluia.

An evil report he shall not fear.

His heart is firm, trusting in the Lord.

His heart is steadfast; he shall not fear

till he looks down upon his foes.

R/ Blessed the man who fears the Lord.

or

R/ Alleluia.

Lavishly he gives to the poor,

his generosity shall endure forever;

his horn shall be exalted in glory.

R/ Blessed the man who fears the Lord.

or

R/ Alleluia.

Gospel Acclamation

Matthew 5:3

Alleluia, alleluia.

Blessed are the poor in spirit;

for theirs is the Kingdom of heaven.

Alleluia, alleluia.

Gospel

Luke 12:32-34

Your Father is pleased to give you the Kingdom.

Jesus said to his disciples: “Do not be afraid any longer, little flock, for your Father is pleased to give you the Kingdom. Sell your belongings and give alms. Provide money bags for yourselves that do not wear out, an inexhaustible treasure in heaven that no thief can reach nor moth destroy. For where your treasure is, there also will your heart be.”

The Gospel of the Lord

R/ Praise to you, Lord Jesus Christ.

[frighthouseofalighthouse]

All weird asks!! They're so good!

Sorry this is a bit late, babe! I wanted to wait til I had the opportunity to answer all these uninterrupted!

1. coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans?

Coffee mugs! tbh I drink tea out of coffee mugs because who actually uses teacups? I mean my grandma has tons and I would use them, but the handles are so tiny and I am v clumsy so it scares me.

2. chocolate bars or lollipops?

Chocolate bars!!! I’m too impatient for lollipops and plus they always get coated in saliva which just...drips down my chin since my mouth is already full.

3. bubblegum or cotton candy?

Bubblegum! I love cotton candy but I can only handle a bit at a time tbh. Also I haven’t had bubblegum in almost two years bc of braces and I miss it so much I can’t wait to have it again.

4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you?

Okay, so even though I’ve always been homeschooled, when I was in elementary school we did this program with a ton of other homeschoolers where you could take actual classes and stuff. My teachers always said I was quiet and focused and studious, and you could always count on me to be lecturing everyone else on the instructions if they hadn’t been paying attention. (does any of that surprise anyone?)

5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups? GLASS SODA BOTTLES. nothing beats soda that’s been bottled in glass rather than plastic. You ever had orange cream soda from a glass bottle????? SLAPS ASS MY DUDE.

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear?

Pastel/boho/preppy/goth, my dude. I have so many sides to my fashion and aesthetic.

7. earbuds or headphones?

EARBUDS BC HEADPHONES NEVER FIT OVER MY EARS RIGHT. BUT EARBUDS WITH SOFT TIPS BECAUSE MY EARS ARE TOO SMALL FOR THE PLASTIC ONES.

8. movies or tv shows?

Tv shows tbh because even though I can binge 4 eps of 45 minutes each per night, they’ll hold my attention a lot more than a movie. It’s weird.

9. favorite smell in the summer?

Thunderstorms/petrichor, also natural bogs. PEAT BOG SMELL FUCKING SLAPS.

10. game you were best at in p.e.?

None. I liked trampoline time back when we took gymnastics, if that counts. I also liked jump roping and Irish step dancing.

11. what you have for breakfast on an average day?

Nothing lmao. I sleep til like noon and then I microwave something for lunch.

12. name of your favorite playlist?

My catchall playlist, Things I Love, my summer playlist, Summer Songs, my Gryffindor playlist, My Queen And Country playlist for writing, and my playlist for The Raven Cycle. (after I post this I’ll edit it and link them)

13. lanyard or key ring?

Keyring, a lanyard would like constantly detract from my outfit if that makes sense???

14. favorite non-chocolate candy?

Sour Patch Kids or Swedish Fish.

15. favorite book you read as a school assignment?

Between The Grapes Of Wrath, The Great Gatsby, The Handmaid’s Tale, and To Kill A Mockingbird!

16. most comfortable position to sit in?

Just fucking sprawled every which way.

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes?

My grey converse if it’s comfortable out, my silver flip flops if it’s hot, and my fur-lined black combat boots if it’s cold.

18. ideal weather?

65-70 degrees, partly sunny, breezy, not humid.

19. sleeping position?

I need to sprawl to fall asleep, but once I’m asleep I curl up into a little ball.

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)?

Laptop and notebook ONLY IF I’m sure of myself, which isn’t often. But I do write dense, scribbled paragraphs on sermon note pages if something comes to me during church lmao.

21. obsession from childhood?

The American Revolution, weather, astronomy, and mysteries/ghost stories.

22. role model?

Idk tbh? Lately I’m just trying to define and live up to my own standards?

23. strange habits?

Pulling the collar of my shirt up to my mouth and sucking on it. Also being a perfectionist in my writing. I don’t do messy drafts. It’s all perfect by the time I write it, and I edit/spellcheck as I go.

24. favorite crystal?

Amethyst (my birthstone), bismuth, opal, and blue goldstone.

25. first song you remember hearing?

Other than nursery rhymes/kid’s songs, it was Light Up The Sky by The Afters, or California Dreamin’ by The Mamas And The Papas.

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather?

Find shade/a cool spot and read with a cold drink.

27. favorite activity to do in cold weather?

ALSO READ. And snuggle with thick socks and a cup of tea and play DS games all day.

28. five songs to describe you?

My five faves atm -

I Am Here // Pink

The Pines // Roses and Revolutions

Soldier, Poet, King // The Oh Hellos

Traveler’s Song // Aviators

Hymn // Kesha

29. best way to bond with you?

Share my interests about politics, history, books, true crime, paranormal, tv shows, and also be kind and understanding when I don’t text for long periods bc I don’t feel up to talking.

30. places that you find sacred?

The woods on the hill behind my house. Dense, deeply green, secluded woods. Hedge mazes. Old and crumbling castles. Anywhere beneath a clear sky and a full moon. Your heart when you’ve come to terms with your fears and made peace with yourself. Anyplace with historical significance. Bookstores on an autumn/winter day. Libraries.

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names?

A kickass plaid, bruh. Also my leather jacket - once I lose enough shoulder weight to fit in it again.

32. top five favorite vines?

Fre shavoc ado, the one where the dog eats the butterfly, the Lin-Manuel Miranda one where he’s brainstorming, “what the FUCK kind of weather is this, and the dad and son with the saxophone and the oven door.

33. most used phrase in your phone?

“oh mood”

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head?

“WOW! It’s NatureStone!”

35. average time you fall asleep?

Right now it’s 4-5 am because I suck.

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing?

I Can Haz Cheezburger, My mom used to look at the website with me when I was like 10.

37. suitcase or duffel bag?

They both have pros and cons. :/ Duffel bags are easier to carry but suitcases keep stuff from getting broken better.

38. lemonade or tea?

TEAAAAAAAAAAAA

39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie?

Lemon meringue pie!!! my stepdad made a really good one the other week.

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school?

Nothing, since I was homeschooled. Same weird shit that always happens at home. Our safe word for when I got overwhelmed in math was “quokka” and we’d stop and look at cute quokka pictures.

41. last person you texted?

My gf :)

42. jacket pockets or pants pockets?

Jacket pockets because things are not only hard to fit in girls’ pants pockets, but if you put a chapstick/lipstick in there it starts to melt :(

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket?

BETWEEN HOODIE AND CARDIGAN. SO VERSATILE. SO COMFY.

44. favorite scent for soap?

Irish Spring soap or the blue Dial bars smells better and cleaner than anything to me.

45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero?

Fantasy. It can take me a bit to get into it, but once I do, I love it. I only do sci-fi if it has rebellion and isn’t heavy on the sci. And superhero movies are great but a lot of the tropes are meh. Fantasy has a lot more versatility if you ask me.

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in?

Sweatpants/leggings and a soft, well worn tee.

47. favorite type of cheese?

Parmesan, white cheddar, or Muenster.

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be?

Raspberry!

49. what saying or quote do you live by?

“do no harm but take no shit.”

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have?

A really poorly edited political ad on tv a couple years ago. There was weird jazz playing, flames in the background of an image of the Capitol Building, and then the top of the dome opened and this guy’s face was inside. It is the single funniest ad I have ever seen and I laughed for 10 minutes so hard I was like an inch away from passing out.

51. current stresses?

Passing my driving test next month, getting a job, figuring out if my math skills are okay enough to take the SAT or an equivalent test.

52. favorite font?

Baskerville or Georgia!

53. what is the current state of your hands?

My fingernails are short bc I picked them while reading earlier, my cuticles suck bc I pick at those two, and my pinky is obliterated and scabbed because of when I accidentally sliced through the nail with a razor while shaving the other day. So, not great, but I’m living.

54. what did you learn from your first job?

That kids can be really annoying but also really cute and hilarious if you can get them to calm down. And also that baby fingernails are surprisingly sharp.

55. favorite fairy tale?

The OG Princess and the Frog where it’s implied the prince and “faithful Henry,’ his carriage driver, fall in love and ride off together at the end. JACOB AND WILHELM GRIMM SAID GAY RIGHTS.

56. favorite tradition?

Every December, my mom and I drive around after dark at night and I play Pokemon and we rate everyone’s Christmas decorations based on tackiness.

57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome?

So isolated I was as a preteen/early teenager, my self harm, and the internalized anger over my abusive relationship and PTSD.

58. four talents you’re proud of having?

Writing, puzzle solving, singing, and calligraphy.

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?

“Benvoli-no.” (I recently remembered I used to say that a lot and I need to bring it back)

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be?

Dark, fairy tale anime with a lot of secrets to uncover and some dark woods.

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.?

TV show - “I am the Bad Wolf. I create myself.” - Doctor Who

Movie - “It’s not about deserve. It’s about what you believe. And I believe in love.” - Wonder Woman

Book - “If you never saw the stars, candles were enough.” - The Dream Thieves, by Maggie Stiefvater

62. seven characters you relate to?

Dean Winchester - Supernatural

Sam Winchester - Supernatural

Jack Kline Winchester - Supernatural

Charlie Bradbury - Supernatural

Gansey - The Raven Cycle

Blue Sargent - The Raven Cycle

Hermione Granger - Harry Potter

63. five songs that would play in your club?

Final Song // MO

Call Home // Heathers

I Am Here // Pink

Babylon // 5 Seconds of Summer

Shake It Off // Taylor Swift

64. favorite website from your childhood?

WEBKINZ AND THE OLD AMERICAN GIRL WEBSITE

65. any permanent scars?

Yes, I have several that remain from self harm, scars all over my left knee from being a clumsy child, and most of all a major scar down the center of my chest from heart surgery when I was a baby.

66. favorite flower(s)?

Rose, lavender, lilac, and dahlia.

67. good luck charms?

Not really???

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried?

Olives, mushrooms, radishes, cottage cheese, and ranch dressing are all foul.

69. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned?

Martin Luther didn’t actually nail his 95 theses to the church door, he just kind of passed them around, which is a lot less dramatic tbh. Also light-up signs were first used in New York City in 1884.

70. left or right handed?

I’m left-handed!

71. least favorite pattern?

I think zebra stripes, leopard print, and houndstooth are super ugly.

72. worst subject?

Math for sure. Even science would be easier if it didn’t involve so much math.

73. favorite weird flavor combo?

Wendy’s fries and chocolate frosty!!!

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen?

I think a 7, usually. My pain tolerance is pretty high because of a) years of self harm, and b) due to my PTSD my muscles are constantly tense and in pain anyway.

75. when did you lose your first tooth?

I was 4, and it had been loose but it fell out when I was trying to blow up an inflatable ball.

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)?

Fries or roasted potatoes that are charred and crunchy on the bottom. Chips are a close third.

77. best plant to grow on a windowsill?

Idk, my grandma’s the one with the green thumb mania lmao. But She keeps a lot of violets and arrowhead plants in the windowsills!

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store?

NEITHER I HATE BOTH COFFEE AND SUSHI IN ALL CIRCUMSTANCES.

79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo?

Never had a school ID, but my temporary license photo is actually pretty good right now!

80. earth tones or jewel tones?

I really like earth tones for myself.

81. fireflies or lightning bugs?

THEY ARE THE SAME MF THING. Also I call them both, it just depends on what comes out of my mouth haha.

82. pc or console?

PC, I guess, though I don’t really game. I just watch my stepdad game.

83. writing or drawing?

WRITING. I cannot draw to save my life.

84. podcasts or talk radio?

Podcasts, talk radio is so annoying.

84. barbie or polly pocket?

Barbie, although I loved both.

85. fairy tales or mythology?

Mythology I guess??? Although again, I love both.

86. cookies or cupcakes?

COOKIESSSSS

87. your greatest fear?

Rejection, losing people I love, people secretly hating me. Also drowning, spiders, clowns, and guns.

88. your greatest wish?

To be a semi-successful author and work in a library/museum.

89. who would you put before everyone else?

My mom and my gf.

90. luckiest mistake?

Almost dropping a knife blade first on my foot but it landed between my toes.

91. boxes or bags?

um boxes I guess? I’m really good at fitting things in tetris style.

92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights?

FAIRY LIGHTS AND DIM YELLOW LAMPS.

93. nicknames?

Ell, Alexander, Ellie, Little Lion, and Nerd.

94. favorite season?

FALL FALL FALL FALL

95. favorite app on your phone?

Tumblr or Spotify. Two apps I couldn’t live without.

96. desktop background?

97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized?

About a half dozen. Mine, my mom’s, my stepdad’s, my grandparents’ home number, my grandpa’s, and my grandma’s.

98. favorite historical era?

Both the American Revolutionary period and the Victorian Era (esp in Britain)

THANK YOU LOVE THIS WAS SUPER FUN

[wintaer-bear]

dancer!reader x dancer!jimin ----------------------------------------------------------

Jimin hates girls like you. Girls that look like they frolicked right out of the end of Pretty Woman without going through its whoresome beginning and were born for the sole purpose of upkeeping “what’s a pretty girl like you doing in a place like this?” He can’t stand a damsel in distress and he especially can’t stand to play a contributing part, so when he sees a pretty little thing like yourself in a leather miniskirt and jacket to match leaned up on his 711, he can’t help but turn and walk the other way. Cigarettes and alcohol would have to wait yet another day to unleash their wrath upon him.

“Hey, wait!” 

“Bus stop’s that way, princess.” He calls. The pink haired angel doesn’t even bother to turn back. Chances are, you’re someone else’s, and like hell was he going to get mixed up in that again. Jimin quite liked his life, although shitty and full of poor financial decisions, it was all his. He’d much rather cut off his left arm (not his right tho) before being scrutinized under a magnifying glass for helping one hot chick who waved him down at the local convenience store.

You wore a pretty jacket, tattered and grungy, but just one good look at you and Jimin could tell it was all designer - and the rich designer too, the one’s where the brandname was only on the inside lining rather than paraded on the outside like so alphabet vomit gone right. Your hair, he scoffed, was edgy, sure, but screamed high maintenance with it’s straight bangs and color. He guessed you went to your personalized stylist at least twice a month, maybe even weekly.

Jimin’s seen you before. Well, not you, exactly, but girls like you. Girls who winded up on the wrong side of town because mommy and daddy refused to get them a new nose for Christmas so now their looking for their next quick fix for a high or because the law gave them a slap on the wrist for bargaining with someone’s livelihood and now they have it out to use every poor man, woman, and child as a means to no end. Oh, yes, Jimin has seen you many times before, but most recently in the form of his just as rich ex named Bexs, which of course was short for Rebecca with two C’s because she’s proper like that.

“I wasn’t waiting for the bus,” you peep, jogging to keep up with Jimin’s pace.

“Good, because you missed it. Last one went out was ten minutes ago, guess you’re stuck in Poorville until morning miss.” Jimin emphasizes on the title and you let you slide.

“You would send me in the wrong direction for a bus that will never come?”

God, you even speak like them. You don’t conjugate your words and expel every syllable as if it were your last. Jimin rolls his eyes.

“Like you couldn’t afford a taxi to send you riding off into the sunset.” He says. “Besides if you knew it was the wrong direction, why’d you ask?”

“Jimin, right?”

The angel-boy pauses, dead in his tracks and takes a puff of fresh air. He does a small turn to meet his adversary eye to eye before regretting his next question. He hates to be at odds with a woman. 

“I was waiting for you.”

Jimin’s mind goes blank, from the rosiness that has just become apparent on your cheeks or from the anxiety your words bring him, he’s unsure, but what he does know is that he’s really hates girls like you.

“We had dance together last semester in high school? Then went to Brighton together the year after?”

Brighton. If ever there was hell on earth it would be at Brighton University. Jimin had gotten accepted off a whim, probably some demographics and status quo and diversity bullshit kind of whim. He rode his way through the rich kid’s high school off a dance scholarship and carried it over to the U, but the University was sure to drop him first upon academic investigation from the state. Turns out you’re only worth as much as your department and grades when you’re a pseudo-athlete and Jimin’s average 2.0 GPA wasn’t cutting it.

“Sounds like me.”

“What happened to you? I came back from my trip abroad and couldn’t find you anywhere. I thought surely you’d -”

“I’m sorry,” Jimin cuts you off. “But who are you?” He feels bad, really, he does, but not as bad as you’re making him feel rubbing all the accomplishments he should be living right now like salt on his wounds. Dance was supposed to be his ticket out of this hellhole, so hearing you living it up didn’t exactly set well with him, especially considering you were from the same dance troop from the exact same high school. He couldn’t say you both had been given the same opportunities, because obviously, he did not, but it didn’t leave too much room for imagination to envision how far he could have gone given the chance. If only one person had believed in him.

“Jimin,” you grab his arms, worried. “It’s me, ____.” 

Jimin takes a long hard look at you before erupting in a thunderous laugh. He laugh so hard you’re worried he’s bursted a blood vessel in his brain because his eyes look watery and his face is flushed. 

Not only did Jimin remember you, he remembered you. Yeah, you were rich. Yeah, you were talented. But damn were you... regular. And as far as rich prep schools go, that’s even worse off than being poor. You were a late bloomer and your parents were athletes, so they didn’t believe in enhancing bodies by unnatural means, the concept of body dysmorphia nonexistent, so poor little you had to grow up ugly, flat chested, and curveless. You were never tall enough to get the main role. Never thin enough to get her understudy. You simply just were. Until now apparently, Ms. Travel-the-world-for-dance.

Jimin distinctively remembers being partnered up with you for each duet. The outcasts. The scholarship boy and plain Jane. No one talked to you, no one noticed you and no one resented that more than Jimin. The two of you were good. Damn good. Put in more practice than the leads, but never allowed to outshine them.

Now here you were 23 and armed with all the artillery to break a man’s heart. 23, and finally allowed to shine. Your awkward bug eyes had grown into round, almond shapes framed by the longest lashes he has ever seen in his life. Thank God, you didn’t listen to your dance instructor in high school and starve your body from all the necessary nutrients to make your body what it is today - an athlete’s build, strong, and sturdy. You didn’t look like you were going to break in half when he huffed and puffed in your direction. 

It takes him a second to snap back into the moment. Unsure if he should return to you a smile or a glimpse of what he’s really feeling, a bit of uneasiness and jealousy. For the first time in Jimin’s life, he feels small. And it’s in front of you.

“What’s a pretty girl like you doing in a dump like this?” He panics, but you don’t seem to notice if the immediate blush on your cheek is any indication.

“I - um,” you stutter. “I came to offer you a job.”

Jimin’s ear perk at the offer. 

“My coach is retiring and,” you hesitate and Jimin’s beam intensifies. 

“And you think I would be the man for the job?”

You silence is enough affirmation for Jimin. He gives you a final glare before bidding you farewell.

“Thanks but no thanks. If I wanted a hand out, I’d go back to Brighton and ask for a degree. I like my pain and suffering all things considered.”

He doesn’t know why he rejects it, rejects you. Maybe it’s the unresolved feelings he has for dance. The give and take that has always been a hell of a lot more giving that taking. Whatever the cause, Jimin refuses to spill his heart and soul into something... intangible. 

“Reconsider,” you say, reaching your arm out before Jimin can turn away. “Please.”

He shakes off your hand. “Sorry Princess, this isn’t something you can buy.”

His words cut deep like knives, like he knows they will. The unrelenting pits of him telling him this is the only way of getting you to back off. You were partners after all. Jimin knows all of you, the little weakness and inferiority complex of not being good enough, but he’d never imagine you’d do this. Change yourself to fit a role. God you were so pretty before.

Girls like you aren’t supposed to be tender. You’re supposed to be bitchy and throw a fit when you don’t get your way. Jimin was immune to it, so why did he have a sinking feeling of a hundred dreadful butterflies in his stomach when he sees the first drops of saline escape your thick lashes. God, he hated girls like you. 

[swanqueeneverafter]

After The Sunset, Pt.23

The Enchanted Forest. Past. Dark Castle. (Belle is sweeping the floor while the Thief is heard screaming in the background.) Rumplestiltskin: (Entering:) “I'm gonna need another apron.” Belle: “Uh, they're uh... They're on the line drying. It'll be some time.” Rumplestiltskin: “Fine, fine. Get to cleaning this one as well. (Removes bloody apron:) I'll be back later.” Belle: “All this because he tried to steal a magic wand?” Rumplestiltskin: “No, because he tried to steal from me. The Dark One. You try that, you get skinned alive. Everyone knows that.” Belle: “Actually, no, They don't.” Rumplestiltskin: “Well they will after they discover the body.” (Giggles and walks away.) A Short Time Later. (Belle enters the dungeon to release the Thief.) Thief: “What? Did he send you to finish the job?” Belle: “Uh-no, no. Not at all. Here, drink this. (The Thief drinks some water:) I couldn't let this continue, it's inhuman.” Thief: “I-I couldn't agree more. But I fear now he'll turn his wrath on you.” Belle: “If he does, I'll stand up to the beast that he is, because no one... (Releasing his restraints, the Thief falls to the floor:) No one deserves to be tortured.” Thief: “Well, he may beg to differ.” Belle: “Well, I don't care. He doesn't frighten me. Hurry up. He'll be back soon. Hurry.” Thief: (Reaches the door but stops:) “But he will- He will kill you. Unless you run away with me.” Belle: “I can't run. I made a deal to serve him, in exchange for him protecting my kingdom and my family from the Ogres. If I were to leave, I might survive, but my family surely won't.” Thief: “Then all I can do is wish you luck.” Belle: “Thank you. Now go. Go.” Wonderland. Recent Past. After The Black Fairy's Curse. (Making her way up the steps of the tower, Drizella walks carefully past the many dead bodies that litter the floor.) Voice: "Why are you here?" (Spooked by the voice, Drizella turns, her eyes searching as she speaks.) Drizella: "I'm here to claim what is owed to me. My revenge. (The voice chuckles:) Since Gothel's defeat, her hold over my sister witches unraveled, and they scattered into the wind. I believed Gothel could deliver what I desired." Voice: "But she was vanquished." Drizella: (Nods:) "So I've come to find another way to get what I want. I’ve heard whispers of an ancient creature, imprisoned for many years. Most are afraid to even speak its name for fear it might return.” Voice: “Go on.” Drizella: “It's more powerful than any army. And once you tell it what you want, nothing, no one can stop it. They call it the Jabberwocky.” Voice: (Chuckles:) “Very good.” Drizella: “I have the power to set you free.” (The Voice stops chuckling and there is silence.) Voice: (After a long pause:) “I have decided to join you. In exchange for my freedom, I will help you find that which you seek.” Drizella: “Excellent. But how can I free you if I cannot see you?” Voice: “Look up.”

(Drizella looks high above her to see what appears to be a white haired woman impaled against the wall by a sword. Summoning all of her magical strength, Drizella uses her powers to pull the blade from the woman's chest and thus releasing her.) Jabberwocky: (Spinning to the ground, she lands hard. Looking up:) “Thank you. (Slowly stands and approaches:) I am known as the Jabberwocky.” Drizella: “I am Drizella.” Jabberwocky: “Well, Drizella, before we begin I'd like to dispose of this blade.” Drizella: (Looking down at the blade in her hand:) “This thing? Must be quite powerful to keep you pinned up for all this time.” Jabberwocky: “Indeed.” Drizella: “Is this the only thing that can stop you?” Jabberwocky: “I am immortal. The Vorpal Blade was forged by an immortal but the man who wielded it was not.” Drizella: “So only an immortal can kill you? (The Jabberwocky nods. Drizella thinks for a moment:) I know what it's like to have my powers stifled, to be trapped inside a stone tomb. (Hands the blade over:) I'm not looking to control you. I need every drop of power you have, freely given." Jabberwocky: (Smiles, taking the blade:) "And so you shall. (Uses her powers to vanish the blade:) So, where shall we begin?" Enchanted Forest. Alice's Cottage. Recent Past. (Alice stands facing Drizella, who has just entered her home.) Alice: "Why do you need The Guardian? Er, I mean me, I guess." (The Jabberwocky appears unseen over Alice's shoulder, visible to only Drizella as she begins to read Alice’s mind.) Jabberwocky: "She fears her powers, it's why she lives alone." Drizella: (To Alice:) "I came to you for help. I know that the power you have may seem like a heavy burden to you, but you were chosen for a reason." Alice: (Shakes her head:) "I can't control it." Drizella: "I know, it's why you've isolated yourself out here, you're afraid you might hurt the ones you love." Jabberwocky: "She's terrified that she's destined to be alone." Drizella: "What if I told you there was a way for you to control your powers. To channel your Guardian energies into something good. Like you did when you destroyed the Darkness." Alice: "That's just it, I don't believe I did destroy it. Very recently, I've felt as if a great evil has been unleashed onto the earth." Jabberwocky: (Impressed:) "She senses my presence." Drizella: "You're right, Alice. There is an evil spreading its way across all realms. It's called fear, (Glances quickly at the Jabberwocky then back to Alice:) and hatred. It's getting stronger every day. That's why I've come to find you. I believe you're the only one who can help us all." Alice: "How?" Drizella: "I know of a way, but you have to trust me. (Sees that Alice is unsure:) Aren't you tired of not being with the ones you love?" Alice: (Nods:) "Robin. She was the first person to see something special in me. Not sure I would've seen it if she hadn't." Drizella: "Don't you see? By being out here alone, you've replaced one tower for another.” Alice: (Tears form:) "I know what it's like to watch the world go by and not be in it." Drizella: (Sympathetically:) "It sounds terribly lonely." Alice: "Yes, it is. (Makes her decision:) No more towers for me."

Arendelle. Present. (Elsa and Lily sit at the end of the long dining table while Anna pours them all tea.) Anna: (Taking a seat opposite Lily so that Elsa is in the middle:) "So, how did you two meet?" Lily: "Er... well I was flying around the realms one night, got super thirsty and I spotted the fountain out in your courtyard so-" Elsa: "After a breathtaking landing, you stopped and took a drink." Lily: "You never told me you saw me land?" Elsa: (Smiles:) "How else do you think I got to you so quickly?" Lily: (To Anna:) "I kinda freaked out some of the palace guards." Anna: "I can imagine." Elsa: "Luckily I got there before things got messy." Lily: "Yeah, did I ever thank you for that?" Anna: (Before Elsa can answer:) "Wait, a fire-breathing dragon had just landed in the palace courtyard. I think the guards did well not to run in the opposite direction." Elsa: (Chuckles:) "No, they did. They absolutely did the right thing, but... I knew that it was Lily." Anna & Lily: "You did?" Elsa: (Closing her eyes, having just revealed something:) "Okay, I-I haven't admitted this before now but, I first saw you at Emma and Regina's wedding." Lily: (Leaning forward in her chair:) "Oh yeah?" Elsa: "I... kinda followed your movements all night." Anna: (Realising, as Lily smiles:) "So that's why you were so quiet. And you kept going to the bar to refill our drinks!” Lily: (Smirks:) "Our table was by the bar." Elsa: (As Anna and Lily laugh:) "All right, I admit it. I was fascinated by you. I couldn't take my eyes off you all night." Lily: "Well why didn't you say anything?" Elsa: "I couldn't! I didn't know what I was feeling, and by the time I saw you were leaving, I knew I had to do something. So I followed you out of the hall and, before I could catch up to you, you'd already transformed and were flying away." Lily: (Squeezing Elsa's hand:) "Aw, babe. You are such a stalker." (All three women share a good-natured laugh at this before Anna asks her next question.) Anna: "So, Lily, what are your intentions with my sister?" Elsa: "Anna!" Anna: "It's a legitimate question! You remember how things turned out with me and Hans." Lily: (Frowning slightly:) "My intentions?" Elsa: "Ignore her, Lily. (To Anna:) You and Hans were a completely different situation. Who agrees to marry someone five minutes after meeting them?!" Lily: "Wait, Hans from the movie? That Hans?" Anna: "I can assure you, he's very real." Lily: "And you think that what - I'm with your sister to worm my way into your family's fortune? Is that what you think?" Elsa: "No she doesn't. Anna's just being-" Lily: "Protective. Yeah, I get it. (To Anna:) For your information, this is exactly why I didn't want to 'meet the family'. Trust me, you're not the first person to think I'm not good enough for their daughter or sister or whatever." Anna: "Oh no, I didn't mean to-" Lily: (Stands:) "No, you know what, don't worry about it. I'm not looking to get my hands on the keys to the treasury. I may not have much, princess, but I've had to work for everything I’ve ever had in life. Can you say the same?" Anna: (Stands also:) "Woah, wait a minute. I never once meant to imply that you were anything like Hans. I just wanted to know more about the woman in my sister's life. My sister who I love dearly, and the woman who Elsa clearly cares a lot about. That's all." Lily: "Oh. Well... okay then." (Lily sits back down and after a moment, so does Anna.) Anna: "But for the record, I do know what it's like outside these walls. I've been out there, I've seen things." Elsa: "We know, Anna." Anna: "In fact, I was the one who taught Prince Charming how to sword fight." Elsa & Lily: "You what?" Anna: (Nods:) "Yeah, and it's a real good story, too." Enchanted Forest. Past. David & Ruth’s Farm. (David is working when Anna interrupts him.) Anna: “You're not seriously going to actually work the farm for that... That bully.” David: “That bully is the most powerful warlord in the region.” Anna: “So you're okay being her slaves?” David: “Until we work it off. What choice do we have?” Anna: “You could fight.” David: “She has an army. I'm sorry, but why fight a battle you can't win?” Anna: “Those are exactly the battles you should fight. If you know you could win, it's not a fight. If it's impossible, you have to fight to achieve it.” David: “Spoken like a naive young girl.” Anna: “Right. I am a young girl, and I'm missing my own wedding to go to a strange land and track down... Some secret-mission things. And you're a great, big grown man who doesn't even have to leave his own home to tackle some random bully.” David: “I'm a Shepherd, Joan. Sure, if someone picks a fight with me in a tavern, I can hold my own. This is a warlord with a private army. What good are my fists against that?” Anna: “Maybe try a sword.” David: “I don't know what Arendelle is like, but here in the Enchanted Forest, most farmers don't do a lot of sword fighting.” Anna: “Well, if it's help with a sword you need, that I can do.” David: “How? Kristoff show you? 'Cause using an ice pick to shave cubes for cool beverages is pretty different.” Anna: “He didn't teach me. I learned from my soldiers. M-my family's sold... Some soldiers I met at a place one time, and I can teach you. What do you have to lose? You can always give up tomorrow.” A Short Time Later. (Anna is teaching fencing to David and easily disarms him.) Anna: “You're doing great.” David: “All right. All right.” (David is about to strike again but one look from Anna lets him know he’s planted his feet incorrectly. Rectifying his mistake, they duel once more. Again, Anna is able to disarm him and David slams into the barn doors.)

Anna: “You're getting there. Let's go again.” David: “No. We're done. (Sliding down the doors to sit on the ground, out of breath:) I'm sorry, but if I can't beat you, how am I gonna beat her army?” Anna: “Wow. You really like to give up.” David: “I know you think you know more, but I have my share of experience, too. I know about battles that can't be won. And right now, the best hope for me... And, more importantly, my mother... Is survival.” Anna: “Wow. I was wrong. You really, really like to give up.” David: (Gets to his feet:) “I like to survive.” Anna: “That isn't living.” David: “It's actually the definition of living.” Anna: “Now who's naive? I went through this with my sister. Scary things happened, and she did what you're doing. She hid. But the way she hid was by running away. She thought that was the solution to her problem, but it wasn't. She needed a push, like you, to see that surviving isn't living.” David: “And you gave her that push?” Anna: “I almost died doing it, but, yeah, I did. And if you become Bo Peep's slave, you'll be doing the same thing.” David: “I'll lose everything if we fight.” Anna: “You'll lose more if you don't.” David: “Let me be the judge of what loss I can take.” Anna: “Stop being so stubborn. You don't know anything about loss. You're just afraid of it.” David: “Oh, I don't, do I?” Anna: “If you did, you wouldn't act this way.” David: “Loss is exactly why I'm acting this way.” Anna: “I think it's cowardice. I mean... Well, yeah, I mean that.” David: “When I was 6 years old, one morning, I woke up hearing my father and mother go at it. They fought a lot... Usually over the same thing... His drinking. But this time, something was different, and I heard my father not yelling, but crying... And through the tears, he said to my mother words I would never forget... 'I will beat this.’ He said to her, ‘I have to be better for the boy. I have to be different. I have to stop.’ And he promised he would. Every few months, we needed supplies. It was a two-week journey... (He sits down on a work bench:) Usually one that was a two-week bender. But he said he was leaving this time, and he wouldn't touch a drop, and in two weeks, he would be back home, himself again... Her husband, my father. We'd be a family. My mother kept this secret from me, but I knew. And every morning for two weeks, I woke with a smile on my face knowing my father would be back. So... On the 14th day, I arose, and I heard a knock at the door, and I ran to open it, ready to hug my father... And I was greeted by the local constable. Yeah, my father fought his battle... And for 13 days, he won. But on the 14th, he spent his last night in a tavern... And they found his body in the wreckage of our cart at the bottom of a ravine. Some battles can't be won. Some forces are too strong.” Anna: (David stands and walks back towards the house:) “You had a lousy father. I mean he was weak. I-I mean you are not. I-I mean you're strong.” David: (Stops:) “You don't know that.” Anna: “I hope it. Look... I just need a night here before I continue my journey, but I'll stay tomorrow and help, if that's what you want. Just meet me in the morning at the barn, and we can continue training. But if you don't... Then I'll just be on my way.” The Land Without Magic. Present. Flight 1612. Runway. (Regina sits in her seat flicking through her inflight magazine, clearly agitated. Emma, meanwhile, sits watching her curiously.) Emma: "I'm not buying it. There's no way you're afraid of flying." Regina: (Turns another page:) "Well you would be correct. I'm not afraid, I'm nervous. It's my first flight, I'm entitled to be nervous." Emma: "What, do you think we're gonna crash and end up in a million tiny pieces? Even if we do, you won't feel a thing." Regina: "Very comforting." Emma: "No, there's something else you're not telling me. What's got you so wound up?" Regina: (Closing the magazine:) "Fine. We're flying three thousand miles away, right? Well what if Henry calls and it's an emergency and he needs us to come get him?" Emma: "Come and get him? Gina he's 18 not 8! Besides, he left to go on an adventure without us. I think we'd be the last people he'd call." Regina: "I know, but-" Emma: "We have our cell phones if he wants to reach us." Regina: "What if he's not in the land without magic? (A flight attendant says something in French over the PA system:) Wait, what was that? What did she say? It sounded serious." Emma: (Flatly:) "Oh, something about the pilot finding a crack in one of the engines but not to worry, we're gonna take off anyway." Regina: "What the-" Flight Attendant: "Ladies and Gentleman, please remember that the use of cellular phones and other electronic devices is forbidden during take off." Regina: (Glares at Emma:) "You're enjoying this." (Just then, the plane starts to move and Regina jumps.) Emma: (Laughing, puts a comforting hand on Regina's:) "Calm down, babe, we're just moving onto the runway. It won't be long now." Regina: "Don't you know never to tell a person to be calm? It only makes them more on edge?" Emma: "Regina, every muscle in your body is tense, even your eyelids. Listen, you will love flying. Especially this moment. The plane getting ready to charge the runway. The engines screaming. The pressure building. The force of it slams you back in the seat. And then... you are in the air. Everything else is behind you.” Regina: “Including our son.” Pilot: "Flight attendants, prepare for take off." Regina: "Oh God, I don't think I can do this." Emma: "Okay, I didn't want to tell you this in case you went a little nuts, but I don't think you're gonna get any crazier than you already are." Regina: "What is it?" Emma: "Hook gave Henry something to contact him in an emergency. It's like a message in a bottle." Regina: (Turning in her seat:) "And when exactly did Henry see Hook?" Emma: "Well, he gave him the bottle right before graduation so-" Regina: (Getting annoyed:) "Why do I get the feeling that wasn't the first time my son had contact with the pirate?" (Behind her in the window, we see the plane is speeding up along the runway.) Emma: "Regina we've been through this. You know Hook had nothing to do with what happened during the Black Fairy's curse. It wasn't even him!" Regina: (Getting louder:) "It was because of him that Facilier was able to do what he did in the first place! It was his mouth you were kissing, his body you were sleeping with!" Emma: "I was cursed! You can't hold what happened against Hook forever." Regina: "I can do whatever I damn well please. You know how I feel about that man. Every time I see him all I can think about is..." (As Regina continues to rant and rave about Hook, the plane takes off without her notice. Emma for her part remains calm, allowing Regina to get it all off her chest until she points towards the window.) Emma: "Look! (Regina turns to look at the window:) What a fantastic view huh?" Regina: (Turns back, smiles at her wife:) "It's amazing. (Pursing her lips, realising what Emma did for her:) And so are you. (They kiss:) I'm sorry." Emma: "Don't worry about it, I've got your back. Always." (Smiling once more, Regina squeezes Emma's hand before turning back to look out the window.)

DunBroch. Recent Past. (Shortly after Henry's departure, Emma, Regina and the Charmings seek an audience with Merida.) Merida: "So, you heard of our plight and thought you could use it as an opportunity to make amends?" Emma: "Merida, I know what I did to you back when I was the Dark One was awful-" Merida: (Loudly so the members of the clan can hear:) "You mean ripping out my heart and forcing me to do your bidding?" (The clan members begin to boo and hiss at this revelation.) Regina: "We don't have time for this mea culpa nonsense. We came to apologise and help you deal with this flying creature that's terrorising your people." Merida: (Scoffs:) "What, so you can swoop in and be the heroes? You two may have joined the realms, but you have no idea what it takes to unite the clans of DunBroch. (As the clan members cheer their queen:) In case you've forgotten, I've faced far darker monsters than this Fury. (Giving Emma a pointed look. To the clan:) And as your Queen, I shall do so again!" (The clan cheers once more while Regina stares daggers at Merida.) A Short Time Later. (Regina and Emma are walking together.) Regina: "I should've just wrung her Pippi Longstocking-like neck." Emma: "Regina, it wasn't that bad." Regina: "She humiliated you in front of everyone." Emma: "No, just in front of her people. Look, she has to save face after what I did to her." Regina: "Well I didn't like it. It would serve her right if we just left now and then these people will see what kind of leader they have." Emma: "No, because that's not what heroes do. (Sighs:) Merida was right though, she can't have us coming in to save the day." Regina: "Then what do we do, give her moral support? Become her cheerleaders?" Emma: (Raising an eyebrow at this:) "Now that's something we haven't tried yet." Regina: "Emma, I'm serious. You want us to just stand by while this Fury keeps attacking people? Merida can't stop it, she doesn't have magic." Emma: "I know that, and when the time comes, we'll use our magic to destroy this thing. But for now, we're gonna give Merida her best shot at defeating it herself." Regina: "And how do you propose we do that?" Emma: "By taking a page out of Belle's playbook. We're gonna do our research. Come on." Regina: (Rolling her eyes:) "You've got to be kidding me."

The Enchanted Forest. Past. Dark Castle. (Rumplestiltskin sharpens the tools that he plans to kill the thief with.) Rumplestiltskin: “I'll try not to be too loud. Can't promise the same courtesy from our prisoner. (He leaves the room:) Belle! (Enters the room again:) Where is he?” Belle: “Gone. I let him go.” Rumplestiltskin: “What? He was a thief.” Belle: “Which doesn't give you the right to kill him.” Rumplestiltskin: “It gives me every right. Oh, let me guess. You think he's a hero? Stealing from me for some noble cause? You read too many books, dearie! There. (He makes Belle's book disappear:) Maybe that'll stop filling your head with poisonous thoughts!” Belle: “I didn't free him because of what I read in my books. I saw good in him. That man only wanted to escape with his life.” Rumplestiltskin: “Oh, is that what you thought? Our thief escaped with more than his life. (The place where the wand had been, no longer holds it:) You were tricked, you foolish, gullible girl!” Belle: “There must be an explanation. We don't know why he needed that wand.” Rumplestiltskin: “He took the wand because he wanted magic! People who steal magic never have good intentions!” Belle: “No! No! You can't tell what's in a person's heart until you truly know them.” Rumplestiltskin: “Oh, we'll see what's in his heart, all right. When I shoot an arrow straight through it. And because I am a showman, it'll be with his bow. And because this is your fault, you get to come with me and watch, and know, as the blood drips from his carcass, it will be you and your rags to wipe it up.” Wonderland. Past. (Doctor Frankenstein walks around a large table, upon which the body of Anastasia lays.) Doctor: "Love makes us do the maddest things, doesn't it? She does look so beautiful, though. Like she's only asleep. Like you could almost reach out and wake her up." Rapunzel: (Losing patience:) "Can you do what the stories say you can or not?" Doctor: "I wish I could give you the answer you're longing to hear, but the truth is I just don't know. In the past I did succeed in bringing... a patient back to life but the cost was-" Rapunzel: "There is no price I will not pay to have my Anastasia returned to me, Doctor. Merely name the amount and it is yours." Doctor: "No, my lady, you misunderstand me. (Sighs:) Perhaps I should start at the beginning."

The Land Without Color. Past. A Soldier Cemetery. (Victor Frankenstein attempts to dig up a body fitting for his experiments when his brother Gerhardt approaches.) Victor: “Gerhardt.” Gerhardt: “Igor told me that I'd find you here. I can't believe- I thought you worked with cells in petri dishes.” Victor: (Climbing out of the grave:) “My work has progressed. And I thought you supported me.” Gerhardt: “Not like this.” (A soldier stands near the entrance of the graveyard.) Soldier: “Halt!” Victor: (Shouting:) “Don't shoot! We have orders! He's in uniform!” (The soldier fires a shot. Gerhardt and Victor run towards the carriage waiting for them and hurry to get inside.) Gerhardt: (Addressing the carter:) “Go! Go!” Victor: “You shouldn't have come looking for me. (Victor takes a sip of his flask:) And I thought you supported me. Gerhardt?” (Gerhardt is unconscious. He's bleeding from a belly wound. Victor looks down and notices that Gerhardt's uniform is already soaked through with blood.) Victor's Laboratory. (Victor and his assistant prepare to revive Gerhardt. Gerhardt has been laid out on a morgue slab.) Victor: (Bends over Gerhardt's body:) “I will bring you back, my brother. I promise.” (Victor walks over to a machine, switching it on. A surge of electricity runs through Gerhardt's body. The body twitches, then is still again. Victor uses a scalpel to open the rib cage and removes Gerhardt's heart.) Igor: “It's burned... like coal.” Victor (He looks at Gerhardt. His expression saddens:) “Cover him. The sheet will serve as his shroud.” Igor: “Of course, Doctor.” Alphonse: “Victor?” Victor: “Father.” Alphonse: (Enters:) “You were seen carrying a body into the house. Explain yourself. (Alphonse walks over to the morgue slab and recognizes Gerhardt:) Gerhardt? My boy. My dear son. (Victor joins him, standing at the opposite side of the morgue slab:) What did you do?” Victor: “It was an accident. I was working.” Alphonse: “You caused this! The things you do. (Alphonse removes the sheet covering Gerhardt's body. He notices stitches running along Gerhardt's body:) You cut into your brother! You put your foul magician's work into your brother.” Victor: (Trying to interrupt Alphonse:) “No. No. It wasn't like that! (Shouting:) It can work! I did this for you, too, Father! I wanted you to have two sons again.” Alphonse: “And now, I have none!” (Storms out.) Enchanted Forest. Past. (David enters the barn looking for Joan.) David: “Joan? Joan, I'm sorry, but we can't win this. You have to go before Bo Peep returns. I-I brought some provisions. Get out of here. You can save yourself.” Bo Peep: (Stepping out from behind a stall:) “No, she can't.” David: “Where's Joan? Bo Peep: “I have her where she can't get out... And get herself in trouble. And even if she does, she's been branded. I can find her... Always and forever. So, now all that's left is for you and your mummy to pay me... Or hand over your farm.”

[aboutelan-blog]

Entry 5/17/17

Am I the catalyst for new relationships?

Let me explain. I dream of being in a relationship of my own. From elementary school onward, I envied those who were able to fall head over heels so quickly and have their feelings reciprocated.  

Maybe because I grew up with all of the 90s rom-coms, I’m marred by the defy-the-odds relationships of angsty, nerdy, or offbeat characters who at the end of the movie, in a twist of fate, gets the person they romanticized being with.

In fact, the person they romanticized has an epiphany or some sort of revelation that that special someone was there all along. Despite any attempts to be guarded, despite any attempts to play hard to get, despite any attempts by someone of the popular crowd to halt a blooming romance, the love story always worked out.

But as I’m taught in my screenwriting class, movies take real-world scenarios and solve them with a fantasy ending. No one wants to view real life in a movie, even reality television is scripted.

I’ve always had my guard up hoping that “knight” that I dreamed about from the movies – metaphorical – would break through the gates and face any hurdles just to be with me.  

Despite anything, this person would persist, because I would be worth the pursuit.

This of course has been an ineffective way to measure my worth, because no one has even attempted to break down my wall. The way I viewed romantic relationships is not like the movies. In my case, invulnerability means the guy you like moves onto someone else and quick.  

I’m stuck in this cycle.  Luke with Siobahn, Josh with Mary, or now Zach with mystery girl (MysteryRodgette?). Even guys like Ryan, Aaron, and Zoren have been uninterested.  

The ultimate goal is to pool all of them into a room, have a group session and figure out what wasn’t working and what I did wrong. Why pass on me and pursue someone else?

1) Aaron #1; 2) Aaron #2; 3) Victor; 4) Ryan; 5) Billy; 6) Zoren; 7) Zach; 8) John; 9) James; 10) Luke; 11) Germany #1; 12) Pool Boy; 13) Mike; 14) Graham; 15) Dylan; 16) Peter; 17) Star-Lord; 18) Josh; 19) Roman; 20) Micah; 21) Liam; 22) Coulter; 23) Clark.

I wonder if I come across as immature?

Now I’m simply stewing in the pain.

I talked to Chelsey today, and Zach seeing someone came up in conversation. That was a crushing blow, only because I didn’t expect her to bring it up. But that’s the last blow I’ll feel. Luckily, I will never see Zach again or maybe even Chelsey. I don’t need to add anymore madness to my mind.

The next time I hear of him, probably through social media, it will probably be 2-3 years down the line and he will be engaged.  

I still keep waiting for Josh to reach out even though three years have passed. Every now and then I check his profile to see if he’s single yet.

I still wish I could like Molly from college.  Every guy wanted her. They would willingly leave whoever they were with to be with her. I can’t even get a guy to message me back, let alone chase me, wait for me for a year for a relationship to end, or ultimately choose me.  

Damn you Chelsey for bringing up Zach. Can’t a girl recover in peace?

Why is it that whenever I’m rejected in my love life, I then feel vincible and vulnerable in my work life…the one part of me that’s supposed to feel impenetrable. The feeling is as if, if I’m not impressive here, I must not be impressive there.  For the sake of my sanity, the two have to remain mutually exclusive.

I will fail a lot more in relationships, because I’m not ready.  

I need a lot more self-love and self-compassion and self-forgiveness.

I think about hurting myself every time another guy rejects me. Beating myself up physically, self-mutilating, dying because I’m not good enough or at the crux of it, I’m not worthy.  

Here’s how that used to work with my dad: I would do something to upset him, he would hurt me mentally or physically, I would feel guilty and strive to impress him,  I would beat myself or self-mutilate because I could never impress him.  

I must still wear this pain in my actions and guys must sense it.  A breeding ground for my wounds. Surrender doesn’t involve negotiation or resistance.  It involves going with the flow of life.

A prayer for me:

Dear Jehovah, over the next few weeks, and even months, please give me discernment on whether you are providing guidance or if Satan is trying to woo me with lies.

I feel like a mad person.  Do I pray for Zach, because the bible says pray for what you want? Do I surrender? The bible also says surrender.  Do I hold out hope and try to manifest a relationship? Isn’t there some universal law where you say what you want, visualize it, and after time, it becomes yours? Or is that simply obsession and unhealthy?  

I hate giving up.  In business there’s never a “no,” but you can also give yourself plenty of options.  

Do I refuse to take no from Zach? That sounds creepy. That reminds me of being a stalker.  That reminds me of when they would call me a stalker in middle-school and high-school.  Maybe I’m really a fragile white male trapped in a black woman’s body.  

I saw my dad fight. My mom took out a restraining order. He became volatile. He still fights for me, the only man that ever does, and I turn him away because I love me. Or I think I love me until I search for love and then all my beliefs come crashing down.  

I take the love I have for me and I try to give it away to someone, to a substitute father.  Guys must sense this and run.  

Zach must think I’m desperate and clingy.  He must ask, why after 5 months am I reaching out?  He must think, why is this girl still stuck on me? I feel like a loser.  

This is not what rom-coms taught me. This was supposed to end with Zach realizing he made a mistake, that I was the right one all along, and that I’m worth it.

Jehovah, how did my thoughts go so dark?  

I try to write until I find solace or have an epiphany that pulls me out of this way of thinking.  I’m trying to switch gears oh-so-desperately. I’m trying to move forward in the most incremental of ways, day-by-day, moment-by-moment.  

I need the holy spirit by my side to comfort me. This is probably one of the most painful times in my life. In this moment, I have done everything I can and I have to let go. Every day I will write this, no matter how much distress I am in, until I truly let go, until I truly surrender.  

Peace be with my soul.

Amen.

Prayer for my dad:

Somedays, forgiving you is easier than others.  

Today is hard.  

My wound has been kicked. Zach is gone. You created this obsessive, longing monster in me.  The same monster in you, you gave to me and now my heart aches.  

I still however wish you no ill-will.  

I don’t even want you to feel the wrath I have toward you, because I know it would beat you down more instead of build you up, and that’s the last thing you need.  

You’ve been beaten down your whole life. Not from me this time. I will only send love and when that is too much for me, nourishment or at the very least warm thoughts.  

Satan is a masterful liar and a deviant, but I will try my hardest to not let him tarnish what I feel for you.

Here’s why today is hard – I will be vulnerable with you if I may. You may not know how to respond, but I know in some ways you understand how I feel.  Zach doesn’t like me daddy and I did nothing right as usual. That’s what your monster would tell me, not you, but your monster.  This monster would tell me I’m not good enough, I’m not pretty enough, I’m not special enough.  

I feel like hurting myself because that’s what I’ve been wired to do. Punish myself for never meeting your standards and now his.

Your monster would have me believe that I am a loser unworthy of love. But it’s important for me to remember that this monster isn’t you, nor is it a reflection of you. It’s not even an extension.  It’s more like a tumor or overgrowth that you yourself are also fighting every day and as much as I would like to be the princess that can rescue you, I can’t.  Somedays I believe I’m a failure because of this.  And that eats me up too. Not being able to rescue you makes me feel like, what am I good at?

And you probably have the same voice too. Maybe we are so intertwined that whenever your monster is loose inside you, I feel it too. And whenever you feel guilty about not being able to come to my rescue, I am guilted because I cannot rescue you. We are one in the same and I fear I feel you at your darkest.

We share the same blood and monster. I am trying to fight him off with every bit of strength I have.  And believe me when I say that fighting this takes everything, every part of my body, every vessel inside of me.

I am fighting to restore the parts of me ravaged by the monster in you. I fight for both of us, because I know you want at least one of us to make it out alive.  No need to feel guilty that you couldn’t save me or feel as though you couldn’t save me in the first place.  

You rest and know that you gave it your all. You did the best you could with what knowledge and experience you had, just like I did the best with what knowledge and experience I had with Zach.  Don’t be too hard on yourself....that goes for both of us. We are trying and there is nothing wrong with us. I accept you for who you are. I love you. I forgive you.

Dear Zach —

You are a false love.  A demon that has disrupted my temple, set fire to the ghost inside of me.  I’m angry against my will. I’m broken when I think of the past or future. Knowing you has corrupted my whole soul. My being has produced vile fluids when conjuring images of you.  Toxins in my bloodstream. Ensnared.  

I want to hate you, but instead I will breathe. I do not want to hate you, but instead I will breathe.  I do not want to send hate your way. Even if there is no love. Please forgive me.

What would you tell me if I were here? Have more confidence? Relax? Don’t force it? You’re right. You are a monster and so am I. I’m working through my pain so one day I will be more confident, relaxed, open and vulnerable. So I will be the wife that someone wants and is proud of.  I will move ahead while you will still struggle to confront your demons. Maybe that’s why we’re not a match, nor will we ever be.

I am angry at you.

I want to fight you and most importantly I want your acceptance.  

But that is something only I can give myself. Not even my father has that power.  

I love you as much as a false love can bear and once this fog lifts, I will be OK.  

This is only a fog, a smoke, a poisonous gas that leaks into my brain, surrounding me, fooling me into believing I’m not good enough.  

In reality, you’re not good enough for me.

WE both have healing, and the pain I’m dealing with right now, you would have never been able to face. I’m too strong for you. I heal too fast and believe me when I say I will move on.  

This is only temporary.  

You are an illusion meant to distract, beat down, and bamboozle me.  

I will not get stuck on that floor. I will keep moving forward and today I am going to be the hero I need and break down my own walls. Only a false love can yield so much pain. #ISlay and today I move forward.