#this is the only reason my dialogue isn't complete ass

[mcflymemes]

AS SAID BY DORIAN PAVUS  *  assorted dialogue from dragon age inquisition, updated version

i don't care what they think about me. i care what they think about us.

i like you. more than i should. more than might be wise.

discretion isn't your thing, is it?

all this dancing, politics, and murder makes me a bit homesick.

i suppose it really depends. how bad do you want to be?

living a lie... it festers inside of you, like poison.

i'm a man of many talents. what can i say?

the moment i saw you, i thought "there's a man who knows quality."

if you don't come through this, i swear i'll kill you.

i'm curious where this goes, you and i. we've had fun. perfectly reasonable to leave it here.

here is my proposal: we dispense with the chitchat and move on to something more primal.

i tease you too much, i know.

i'll have to find something we can do that doesn't involve teasing.

time to drink myself into a stupor. it's been that sort of day.

i see you enjoy playing with fire.

i like playing hard to get.

i'm not suggesting we venture into mutual domesticity.

if it's a trap, we escape and kill everyone. you're good at that.

talk to me. let me hear how mystified you are by my anger.

oh, i'm not arguing. just pointing out the ridiculously obvious.

if you choose to leave your door unlocked like a savage, i may or may not come.

now... what was i talking about? ah, yes. me.

i am apparently an incredible ass at accepting gifts.

i prefer the company of men.

would you prefer me bound and leashed?

sometimes the ones you love are also the ones who disappoint you the most.

you are the man i love, [name]. nothing will truly keep us apart.

the things you ask are just... very personal.

sometimes... love isn't enough.

there will always be an "us." we'll just be... farther apart, for a time.

i had no idea something like you was possible.

i'm imagining what you would look like in a dress.

i've never seen you smile so much!

i have no idea what you're talking about.

you stand there, flexing your muscles, huffing like some beast of burden with no thought save conquest.

you're shaping the world for good or ill. how could i aspire to do any less?

my footsies are freezing, thank you.

don't you ever bathe?

you're not suggesting we're similar.

watch where you're pointing that thing!

i'm not wearing a skirt.

it's significantly more impressive than hitting them with a sharp piece of metal.

i only meant to say i'm very sorry for your loss.

we can continue this dance forever, if you wish.

i'm saying we should be careful what we assume when it comes to such matters.

demons don't appreciate a man with good hair.

what i wouldn't give for some proper wine.

your outfit's entertaining. i'll give you that.

he had to leave early on account of assassination.

it's nice to know you have friends.

i'm here to do what is right.

come on, just answer the question.

they were asking me about you. personal things.

you said we'd be ass-deep in trouble. this is more like knee-high.

so what's your estimation? think we can win?

you can't call me pampered. nobody's peeled a grape for me in weeks.

you startled me. you're always so... nondescript.

you're a special and unique snowflake. live the dream.

i wanted to see you make flowers bloom with your song. just once.

you've done a lot less dancing naked in the moonlight than expected.

i've never seen anyone in this part of the world do it.

i realize there's more to you than that.

have i offended you?

for hating the outdoors, you sure seem to like bad weather.

i can't figure you out, [name].

you don't play their stupid game, they send an assassin or three your way.

i can't believe you're scared of magic.

i'm going to take that as a compliment.

still don't like me, [name]? after all this time?

[name], i owe you an apology.

i suspect people will use any excuse to hate us.

why be ashamed? power should be respected, not swept under the carpet.

maybe you're not a complete moron.

i just need to know you're capable of higher thought. for my own comfort.

it would take work. and soap. lots and lots of soap.

[meanbossart]

Alright, I am like 90% sure there is ONE line in A Novel Experience touching on Gale GTFOing rapidly, so I don't think there are answers in there for me. So I come to you and ask-WTF went on between Gale and Drow???

Alright, so

There are two versions to what happened to Gale in my first campaign (the OG DU drow campaign that this whole universe is based around), lets begin with the technical version. As I've only somewhat recently come to understand, my Gale was bugged. I had 1 interaction early in the game that slightly veered into romance which didn't go anywhere, and first chance I had I clarified that I was not interested in him that way (the whole reason why It happened in the first place was because i misunderstood his dialogue). Despite this, and despite me turning him down in every romantic interaction following, I kept getting them and my interactions with him were as if we were romantically involved. I even got one exchange (the one about muscles glistening and cheeks flushed) twice, and rejected him both times.

So, later in the game once DU drow and Astarion sucessfully 5d chess-ed their way into falling In love, I was surprised to still be informed i had to "break things off" with Gale if I wanted to get with him. Which I did. And he gave me a whole spiel about it.

Now it's crucial you understand this was early in the game's release, I went into it completely blind and I had never played a game like Baldur's Gate before, so I was not familiar with the mechanics at all, which... Kind of led me to believe Gale was just like that normally.

From that point on I was highly amused, but for roleplaying purposes I decided my drow would have been highly annoyed and a little creeped out. And so I proceeded to be extremely rude to the guy at every chance I got. This eventually resulted In him pursuing the crown of Karsus despite me (rudely) telling him that was a very dumb idea.

The second version of what happened, as I already touched on above a little bit, Is the Narrative one. As I mentioned I had no clue what was and wasn't supposed to happen, so I just... Went along with it within the role-play.

So our beloved DU drow gets worms. He goes on a grand adventure with this weird possy of people to find a cure. When the tiefling party comes everybody except Astarion wants to get into his pants (because I left him on the beach for like a week and then proceeded to be The Rudest to him, sorry babe, I didn't see your pale ass and the asshole dialogue options were Really funny).

Someone else who Didn't seem to wanna fuck him was the wizard. He said he just wanted to show him a magic trick and he (and, I'll admit, me) really thought that was just that. The scene unfolds, Gale tries to teach DU Drow to cast a spell but his 9 intelligence says No. The unsolicited date ends abruptly because Gale is upset that a champion fighter without a single cantrip makes for a shitty wizard. DU Drow thinks thats the end of that - It's Not.

Then what proceeds to happen is a long, annoying, somewhat unsettling dynamic where Gale continually tries to pursue him throughout the game, coming to the point where the guy I'm Actually interested in thinks we are together - and when DU drow tells him verbatim that he had no idea they were even a thing in Gale's mind, he has to hear him whine about it. Add to that the fact that all Gale talks about is his ex-girlfriend, DU drow is (kind of justifiably) led to believe he must be a Profound weirdo to whom he cannot ever say even a Neutral word to again lest he becomes any more infatuated with him - 0r whatever the hell is going on.

Whether it be DU drow's own inflated ego or the actual truth, when Gale begins to pursue the crown he also assumes he's just doing it to spite him - so he isn't the kindest to him about that either.

And within this narrative that I concocted around a simple bug that didn't let me end a romance, I cannot imagine Anyone getting on particularly well with Gale within my main party. Drow thinks he's madly in love with him, Shadowheart is probably a little confused but she trusts DU Drow's word on the matter more than the Wizard's, Astarion thinks... What Astarion thinks.

So, no, they didn't part on the best of terms.

Before anyone gets mad, I assure you - I've completed the game again since then, I realize this is Not the intended Gale experience. He's a hysterical and deeply interesting character and only Slightly clingy and weird.

But, you gotta admit, this is way funnier.

[revalition]

OCT 13 - SUGGESTION Charm men and women. Play the puppet-master.

snake suggestion my beloved. that will very likely not be the last of you see of him haha. making the most of my weird skill dreams

lots of great quotes under the quote! and valuable insights! (not actually valuable, but shh) would recommend looking through them more than usual though!

suggestion quotes! I had a complete disinterest in this guy tbh, I was rather distracted by the other, arguably better, purple skills in my high PSY playthrough and then I had super low PSY my second and barely heard from him. So it was a lot of fun finding these cause I hadn't seen lots of it yet!

fun suggestion facts from my spreadsheet as well

- he says 'please' to you one time and 'sorry' to you zero times! he might encourage you to do both plenty but is a reasonably unapologetic skill himself (though does resort to self-deprecation several times)

- he has a perfectly average swear score of 5 (I have everyone's swear scores! right now they're only based off of shit and fuck though. so there's room for improvement)

- Says "I" and "we" a perfectly even number of times (not counting quoting others) which I count to deduce if the skill is self centered or not lmao

- refers to kim as "kim" once and lieutenant 20 times! he is respectful of kim!

anyway!

absolutely no way these weren't going in here. confirmed the most useless, compromised skill of all!! (please fire him) also the only guy to give volition a nickname <333 but please dont ever talk about him like that again suggestion

failing this suggestion check over and over! suggestion noooo... resorting to begging at the end. *puh-leeeeeze* 😭

another gorgeous suggestion fail! what a guy

who let this stupid skill into harry's head?

not the two separated words 'bad ass' hghh. this isn't even the only time!!! he writes it as bad-ass *once*. and! he's the one who tells you not to make fun of garte for saying it as two words

suggestion's actually really observant! and has lots of insights into kim!

like he makes sure you know when you did something that lowered kim's opinion of you :) thanks buddy

this is extremely important. I can *hear* his voice cracking on the sorry cop when I read it.

I got called out for being a sorry cop *so* early into my first playthrough. and it was absolutely personal. and I was like wow, I hate this guy already, what's his problem? :)))

(the sorry cop dialogue didn't come up at all my second playthrough haha)

what better idea than to use the expression on evrart? two local idiots advising you :)

it's hilarious to me that succeeding this check against Klaasje at the beginning of the game results in suggestion just telling you not to do it. it's that bad of an idea. it could never succeed.

holding this suggestion failure very gently. I don't remember Suggestion being named Social Anxiety???

ty suggestion, you tell him

sad suggestion :( nooo sweetie you're not. well. maybe a little.

hghkj capitalist suggestion!!

that's what you get for not listening!!

not a screenshot cause I ran out of space but just shoving this in here

+2 Authority: Nothing to lose

+2 Suggestion: I always liked you the best

these are the research bonuses from finger on the eject button. who is he referring to?? :,( you as in harry? you as in authority? a more vague 'you'?

as always, I have to include the super sad dream quotes. poor guy. it's not your fault.

this is so funny. good try suggestion... good try

he's hilarious

look at my two idiots :) <3 look at them.

my delight upon getting this in my first (high PSY) playthrough! we got kim to wear the jacket!

small suggestion win

why does he talk like that??

why? why? shhhh

hating him. throwing suggestion at the wall.

this stupid skilllll

he's an idiot.

volition, with his head in his hands, every time suggestion opens his mouth

thought this was interesting. is suggestion able to infer things from shiver's visions? the way the skills interact with shivers fascinates me endlessly. especially since at one point one of them asks if you've asked the wind for advice before - can they not hear her?? I haven't dug into the shivers dialogue enough yet. next week...

he has so much insight into how to talk to people! gotta put at least one example of him being useful in here...

look at them. they are like oil and water. authority calls him a groveling sycophant so. deserved.

(also merriam webster defines a sycophant as "a servile self-seeking flatterer" and I love that.)

((and servile means "having or showing an excessive willingness to serve or please others" because I had to look that one up too))

is suggestion just a people pleaser under it all? :( why I gotta empathize with even the worst of these guys. echem too, there's *so* much good intention buried under layers and layers of bad coping mechanisms and personality issues and internalized misogyny and self doubt. And those things twist what could be really good advice on communicating and connecting with other people into something manipulative and ugly.

........

.............

(reluctantly picks him up and holds him gently) it's okay. you can heal too someday.

also! there are ZERO suggestion passive fails :( the only other skill with none is H/E coordination (who has like, a quarter the amount of passives sugg has). but it's okay, he gets lots of active fails to make up for it I guess.

that's it for suggestion. I went in here expecting to make a compilation of idiot suggestion quotes (and mostly did) and ended up being endeared by him instead. oops. that's the problem with all these guys, they're *so* strongly shaped by Harry's thoughts and feelings and experiences. Someone else's Suggestion skill might barely be slimy at all. would it still be named Suggestion then?

(mildly related but I don't have a Suggestion in my own system, at least afaik. Which isn't saying a lot because I thought there were only 6 skills in here a week and a half ago and that was. not at all right. so. but it only makes me wonder about him more!!)

[poppystheories]

The official English of Lavi's scene is...probably not very good, from what I can tell. Which is understandable, this whole scene is tough. The official and fan translations say completely opposite things at several points, and I'm not sure which of them get it right.

So instead of getting too caught up on the exact wording of each translation, we're gonna go with vibes and context and stuff.

There's a big focus on how the Bookmen aren't supposed to give their heart, aka become personally invested, to anything, and how pointing this out hurts Lavi. Dream!Junior says these plain old facts like they'll make Lavi feel sorry for himself, and they do.

This scene has been analyzed by plenty of people before, but what I take from this dialogue is: Lavi actually isn't happy being a Bookman, huh? He is miserable and pities himself this lifestyle he was raised in; just laying out the reality of how he's supposed to live is enough to hurt him. He recognizes how empty and lonely and condescending the whole Bookman philosophy is, but can only say "I know...!". He actively thinks this whole deal sucks ass and still accepts it, and can't imagine living any other way.

Does Lavi know the previous Junior bowed out? Or rather, gave his "heart" away? Does he even realize that's an option?

Meanwhile, Allen's fight also involves the matter of the heart, but for him, rather than his heart being his weakness, it's undoubtedly his strength!

Lavi and Allen make for good foils. Neither of them have a "real" name, or home, and both hide behind constructed personas to keep the world at a distance, but on the inside they're completely different. Allen's identity was stolen from him, while Lavi threw his away. Both of their masters have ties to the 14th and know far more about the past and the war than they share with their students.

This post has been sitting in my queue for about two months and previously read:

"Considering Bookman Juniors are named after the record they're recording, and that the previous and current Juniors are working on the same record of the Holy War, just from opposite sides, it's likely the previous Junior's name was also "Lavi" just like the previous Allen's name was "Allen". "

Which is now completely confirmed.

There's a matching set of each of our protagonists in both past and future. Just like there was a past "Lavi" and past "Allen", there was a past Kanda too. Essentially, every character in DGM has a "past" counterpart, whether an actual version of themselves or a narrative substitute, ie the previous generation of Noah and the current, or Anita and her mother. Of our four major characters so far, only the Lenalee analog for the past is still missing.

This is also one of the reasons I thought for so many years that the previous Bookman Jr and Past!Allen couldn't possibly be the same person, but until this year, if I pointed that out any DGM reader interested in theories would have laughed me right out the door...

[anogete]

Oh my goodness

Hello to anyone who remembers me. Real life and mental health both sank their claws into me. I've been avoiding social media because... well, many reasons but most because I feel like I'm a big ol' disappointment.

But today, I've come here like the humble whore I am to ask for a beta. Before you get excited, I have to warn you that it's not for Marvel, which (if you remember me) is what you likely know me for writing. Read on for an explanation about where the fuck I've been and what fandom I've spiraled down into lately.

In 2019-2020, I had a lot of grieving to do for some close loved ones who passed on. This led to a really shitty space for my mental health where I went into a functioning depression. I was doing things, but only the bare minimum required to exist without people catching on that I was in a bad mental space. I can't say I've completely kicked that, but I'm trying to do better. At the same time, I had a bunch of stuff going on a work. Specifically, I work for a team of advisors who provide financial planning services to individuals/families. I was promoted to an associate in 2020 and then we went through a merger with a larger firm in 2022. So, work has been crazy with me taking on additional responsibilities and working to build new processes after the merger. In addition, I managed to finish my bachelor's (20 years after I dropped out of college!) and take classes toward getting a CFP designation over the past 2 years. I'm scheduled to take the CFP exam in November. It's a 6-hour bear of a test covering pretty much all aspects of personal financial planning. And then next year I'll be continuing with my team as an advisor myself. Do I have anxiety? Fuck, yes. But I'm trying to stop cockblocking myself on the career front.

ANYWAY, enough with the boring stuff. I've been drowning in material for classes and studies with so little fun in my life. Somehow I got on CODTok (Call of Duty) and my little imagination ran wild as I watched these absolutely filthy edits of those boys. And for the first time in a long time, I felt that itch to write. I really should be focusing on studying for this exam, but all work and no play isn't fun. It's taken me 3 years to learn that lesson, but it has managed to finally sink into my thick skull.

My problem is that I know virtually nothing about Call of Duty because I don't like video games. As for the characters--I only know minimal info (mostly from YouTube videos and a COD wiki). It would be nice to have someone more knowledgeable than me to look over what I've written. And if not that, then it would be nice to have anyone other than me give it a beta read to point out my stupid mistakes or plot holes. I have about 16 pages of a Ghost/OFC written. It's my usual--heavy on the dialogue and sexual tension with a side of plot/action. I don't know how fast I'll be at writing this. Work is kicking my ass and I still need to dedicate my weekends to studying for this test. But if you're willing to take a little ride with me, I'd love some input. Send me a message or email me at anogete527@yahoo.com if you're interested. I miss and love ya'll.

[spookyhologramyouth]

I cannot stop thinking about The Acolyte and not in a good way. The only reason Tumblr likes it seems to be that Manny Jacinto and Amandla Steinberg are two very fine people and that is true. From an objective standpoint Jacinto is attractive and Amandla can get it. But most other people are on the negative side. They're mostly right but there was just so much more potential for this show. Murder mystery? Cool. Jedi before their hubris punches them in the dick? Even cooler. The word Acolyte? New favorite word, it's just so clean. The themes are interesting if heavy handed but whatever. Then the story just got cluttered, shit go weird dialogue is suspicious. Osha's name is an acronym but I got over that. The characters just ugh! I think a lot of people found Qimir interesting when he appeared, or whatever the hell you wanna call him. He was awesome, he had a venom look alike mask, he massacred a lot of people and the only one that put up a decent fight was 14. But what I found so interesting about Qimir was his want for an Acolyte. He has Mae but she isn't it. He can probably tell that she just wants revenge and after that she would get cold feet. She literally decided fuck being evil I want my sister. Then he saw Osha lying on the floor and decided she works. And he lays it on thick. He was learning from his mistakes with Mae, he'd show his face. And just in case that isn't enough he'll show his dick too, because the fastest way to get someone to the dark side is to fuck them apparently. (That cemented me not liking the show because I watched every episode with my father) And hey it works! He got an Acolyte, soon to be more, Mae is off being mentally 9, weird guy in cave still in cave, and even if the questionable green people come around you're not alone. Or fuck it maybe he just wants power, but if I was a betting man (which I'm not) Osha would kill his ass in the 2nd season, to just drive home that parallel with him and Sol. The Jedi that wasn't completely good and The Sith that wasn't a complete asshole. Of course I doubt there will be a second season. I thought writing down my feelings would help it did not.

[fraternum-momentum]

Okay, so let me ramble abt making the last comic, cause that was an absolute behemoth to work on, and I have a lot of thoughts in my head. Man, I don't know how those webtoon artists do it every week. They scare me now.

This is super long btw, so get cozy if you want to read :]

Starting off, I actually got this idea from my lil 'ol diary I keep by my tableside :] I like writing down what I feel so I can see it in a more concrete(?) manner, helps me cope i think. One time, I really did cry for someone because I guess I just really liked them a lot. Having crushes is fun, but catching feelings isn't.

I always get this giddy feeling of being head over heels for someone. Every interaction is so exciting. Intoxicating even. And I couldn't get enough of it, but after that few seconds of bliss I immediately think to myself that all these scenarios in my head will never happen, not in a million fucking years. I just preemptively reject myself without ever telling the person what I feel. I know what the outcome will be anyway, and I'm afraid of what will happen if I did say anything. It's just too risky.

The second half is completely made up tho, I will never ever kidnap someone... unless? (For legal reasons, I will have to clarify that this is a joke, Thank you.)

Now onto the comic itself!

The composition is probably the easiest and the most fun part. I love, love, love, how versatile you can be in the webtoon format. Figuring out how to transition the panels is super fun, and it sucks that most of the webcomics I see on tapas or webtoon, etc. are just sticking to those boring box formulas over and over again when it has so much potential, although there are exceptions like, for example, Lore Olympus. While it has it's fair share of flaws when in comes to other aspects, you can't deny the artist's talent esp when it comes to knowing how to place the character in an illustration, (again) the compositioning etc etc. (ep. 8 is p good. They stick to the box stuff during dialogue but gets more experimental in some parts. I haven't been keeping up with it, so idk any other good eps)

One of my only big regrets is that I wish I had made the space between the '...but I love it." and "And soon..." parts longer. I think it changed scenarios way too fast and your eye immediately moves onto the next piece of text,, but eh, it is what it is, and I can't be bothered to edit it so ig I gotta learn to live with it.

It's still messy in,, a lot of parts actually, and I still can't do lineart to save my life, but i kinda tried just cleaning up the sketches instead???? I mean, it kinda works, but it isn't really smooth so,, And there are small mistakes here and there that I could've fixed or colored stuff in properly or whatever. But at that point, I'm just done with it. No more. Am tired and want to draw other shit now. Maybe boobs n dicks n pussy-

Oh actually i have another comic in my wip folder that I started before the sad Kylar crying one. Here's some of the thumbnails for it:

the fucking lisa simpson looking ass face just cracks me up every time I see it LMAOQJSJQJ I just wanted to show it to u but stay tuned for that ig

I eventually want to make little comics like this for other characters as well! Like Sydney, who is also one of my favorites cause of the whole religion aspect to them, and I would like to tackle that topic with yet another super personal experience of mine that for some reason I'm comfortable with sharing with a bunch of ppl lmao

I also really want to make a full on nsfw one, like gut rearranging, carnal fucking, hardcore banging,, ok ill stop. But I do need to do more,, uh, "research" on that,, i swear it's research, i have no clue how im gonna draw it. Hell, I already struggle with drawing people fucking and imagine adding cool transitions to that. Guess even my masochistic tendencies extend to this shit too.

And I think that's pretty much it? I'll probably just stick to b and w or monotone with a few accent colors because i just know that it would break me if i did a fully colored one.

Okay, thank you for reading this ramble, I'll go ahead and answer some asks now,, Here's your prize though!

[thewrongmoon]

Mike projecting for the 234872135th time

So I'm not sure if I'm the first to make this connection because at this point there's too many analysis posts on this site for me to keep track of. But I think I made a possible connection that reveals Mike's real feelings.

History of projection with Mike and Will (in season 4 at least):

"And if she was going to lose you, I… I think she'd rather just get it over with quick. Like ripping off a Band-Aid."

The most famous example is the van scene. Will is very clearly (and completely canonically) using El as a means to describe his own feelings for Mike.

"Which is why you were a douche [to El] all day?"

This has been pointed out by a few other people: Mike using El in place of himself. This one is slightly more debatable, but in all fairness Mike could not pick up of any of El's emotions in Lenora, so him assuming she was hurt by how Will was acting seems like a stretch? He would be more aware of his own feelings, and I think he personally thought Will was being "a douche" to him.

"Sometimes I think it's just scary to open up like that. To say how you really feel. Especially to people you care about the most."

And then there's this scene. Will tells Mike it's scary to open up to people you care about. Will is talking about his own feelings but using Mike's fears regarding his relationship w/ El as a means to do this. Mike also is under the impression that Will is solely using this to describe him and El. But I think that this also leads into Mike's own internal struggle:

So his reason for not telling El he loves her, is, and we all know this, completely illogical. The whole REASON El is upset with him is BECAUSE he can't say he loves her. It's the entire problem. Why would telling El how he feels make her break up with him when his supposed feelings should be the SOLUTION to the problem?

One possible explanation for this, as other people have said, is that the "truth" is that he only loves her platonically. Which, yes makes sense. But one thing I want to focus on is this specific line from the monologue: "And I thought if I said how I felt, it would somehow make that day.... hurt more."

Now it's assumed that this is a plagiarization of what Will said. But this is based mostly on the script for the van scene, on a line of dialogue that was ultimately cut ("losing you hurts too much.") What I think doesn't add up is that this line was cut. If they wanted what Mike said to reference Will, they would have had him say a line that Will does end up saying.

Which leads me to my whole reason for writing all of this: Mike's dilemma about telling El the truth, about being scared of losing her, specifically about losing her after saying "I love you" and having it hurt more, is that that message was not intended for El at all.

It actually seems to make more sense if Mike's fears were about Will. El makes it abundantly clear that she WANTS Mike to say I love you. That their relationship could be repaired if Mike told her that. Which is why his logic makes no sense.

HOWEVER, it can apply to Will. Mike thinks he's already lost Will ("and I don't know, maybe I feel I lost you or something.") He's only just gotten Will back into his life. He's aware of his feelings for him, as shown by his odd behavior. He knows he loves him. But he's scared to say it. If he said it, he would lose him again. Not only that, but being outright rejected would hurt more than just drifting apart like they've already done.

This isn't to say that he isn't also scared of losing El. I think both can be true. But the specific line about saying "I love you" making it hurt more... I don't think that can be applied to El at all. Even if he was referring to telling El the truth, I don't think saying "sorry I don't love you romantically" would "hurt more"? El would be thankful for the honesty, if anything.

I also don't think Mike was pulling this line out of his ass either. He says this line with way too much emotion. I think he's doing the exact same thing Will tried to do-- using El as a way to project his feelings.

Not in the same way, I don't think Mike wanted El to know he was actually talking about Will. But I think he was desperate for something to say that didn't sound like a lie, so he just... directed what he was thinking toward someone else. Specifically because El made it clear to him that this was something she wanted to hear from him.

He knows El doesn't need him. He knows that he doesn't love El romantically. He knows that El is beginning to see he doesn't feel that way towards her. But El was potentially going to die, and he wanted to say whatever he thought she wanted to hear in an attempt to save her. Not to mention the fact that Will pushed him into it, which only confirms for him that Will doesn't feel the same as he does.

Will wants it to be "ripped off like a band-aid", but Mike avoids telling the truth because he thinks it will make the rejection hurt even worse.

[zalrb]

the summer i turned pretty 2x04 review

Honestly, for someone who is meant to push people away and not tell anyone what he's dealing with, Conrad is pretty open about the stuff he's going through. He straight up tells Belly's brother he's having a panic attack and what he can do to help instead of just yelling at him to go the fuck away or something. Idk man.

"Talk about anything" launches into a speech about the beach and how Conrad is the coolest person in the world. The funniest thing about things like this is dialogue about "inconsequential" things would make their bond seem more realistic instead of pointed talks about memories and how cool the other person is. One of the reasons why the gang in T70s works is because they just talk about dumb shit together

"He's grown into quite the asshole" I mean has he, Skye? Your mother is being unnecessarily hostile about the whole thing, it seems like he's just matching her energy idk.

Like this isn't even me being team Conrad or anything because I don't care about him but he hasn't DONE anything for the way everyone talks about him.

Like he's isn't warm when she talks to him in his room but his energy is different because Julia's energy is different.

Jfc they're really trying to make me believe that Taylor and brother dude like each other with how they antagonize each other but this is as performative as Belly trying to be twirly and giddy around Conrad.

Steven. I'm not going to remember that.

"Let's do some drills down by the beach, volleyball camp is in five days." "I haven't touched a ball in months" isn't that why you do the drills, Belly?

"It was hard enough for me to get this one" *laughs* Why is that funny?

Belly actress does the Katie Holmes shrug. It was annoying then, it's annoying now.

"Well we're your family too" even though I kissed you then your brother then made the wake about me because Conrad lay his head on his ex-girlfriend's lap and I admittedly forgot to check up on you when Susannah died because I was too busy focusing on Conrad which consisted of me telling him to stop being sad at prom and then breaking up with him.

The only time Conrad's lack of a facial expression has worked is him looking at Belly when she's all "the magical sea breeze will cool you down"and his face is like that the dumbest thing I've ever heard.

Did Belly tell Conrad her plan of schmoozing Skye and I just forgot it because it's very possible, I'm barely paying attention but if she hadn't, maybe she could. Or is this supposed to show how Belly and Jere are best friends now.

Skye doesn't come across as an introvert, they just come across as kind of an ass. "I don't smile, I don't high five, the corners of my mouth might turn up but I WILL NOT SMILE" we get it, you're cool.

No one on this show is likeable.

Them getting ready to play laser tag is literally the ONLY TIME they seem like friends.

I mean, we had pizza for *Christmas* dinner. OH THE HORROR.

Are whaling boats fancy?

I don't need to see this rock climbing scene. Next.

How many Taylor Swift songs do we NEED in a show. I understand I'm the only one who thinks this.

"It was supremely satisfying watching you wipe the floor with Conrad after everything he put you through" YOU MEAN BEING SAD??

"You used to cry every time you looked at the Tower of Terror" yeah but he's, like, seventeen now, Belly.

"He made it so hard not to love him." I MEAN HOW? BECAUSE HE SPOKE? Jesus Christ.

"Used to love him, I mean" JERE HAS ENTERED THE CHAT. I would appreciate this more if it was fun messy.

LMAO so when Jere is like "And what's the key to making me happy, Belly?" I was like oh OK because there was like a hint of innuendo in his voice, completely unintentional I think, but it was a bit like ooh, I hear that and then it was ENTIRELY ruined when she's like "correcting people who say bru-chetta" and he laughs and goes "Because it's bru-sketta!" and it was SUCH a corny delivery.

Skipping everything with the mom because I do not care.

So who's going to have a breakdown at the end of this episode?

"You're one of the most interesting people I've ever met" I'm laughing because the delivery came across as unintentionally sarcastic.

"Jeremiah is always there when I need him" it's a RIDE. I also love when she flashes back to him always being there for her the first instance is his mother telling him to stay inside with her because she's got a summer cold and him being like "MOM" and her being like "PLEASE" and him being like fine. Like that's not what you think that is. He should hang out with her and then be asked to go to the boardwalk and being like nah I think I'll just stay in with Belly. HOW IS THAT NOT OBVIOUS?

"And when he got sick two days later, I stayed home with him" so then wouldn't you two just be passing the cold back and forth to each other?

Ohhhhh they're looking at each other on this ride and she's feeling how much she likes him! and needs him! and they have NO chemistry!

"It feels weird having fun, like part of me feels guilty" if you were a good actress we would see that conflict in you the entire day but whatever, the show is really bad with showcasing how much Susannah's death is supposed to affect her.

Oh no breakdowns because that would require drama. Just the empty beach house which I know is meant to be a MOMENT but it isn't.

[vanillacorpse]

I would Love to hear your detailed boiling critique of that shitty werewolf book >.> if you would be so kind as to share

My god where do I begin. "Bored Gay Werewolf", I thought picking this thing out of the shelf and giving the first page a skim. "interesting!". It didn't have the world's most impressive prose but something about the first page got me interested. Not every good book starts off strong. A lousy gay guy who is also a werewolf, that lives in his own filth. He's a mess. It's honestly not a bad premise!! Much has been made of less!

But then the rest of the book... it honestly felt like the entirety of it was written to undermine and enshitten the characters in it. FINE not every character has to be likable. But when NO character whatsoever manages to inspire any sympathy in me I have to wonder why the author would even write a book. I can make a guess what the purpose of this book was, and it wasn't to tell a story-- it was to entertain the UNBEARABLE social critique that the author very bravely, very embarrassingly, tries to present to the reader. It fails. It sucks. It's complete total ass on every front. It's like reading the diary of a twitter gay who isn't even That terminally online. It's the lowest hanging fruit, every page, every joke, every God forsaken Take.

The prose is ass too. It gave up immediately, second page. Just pages of pages of telling. There's nothing interesting that actually happens, you see; the author doesn't have the skills necessary to describe them. There is a VERY COOL, VERY MOVING performance from one of the characters, but of course he can't actually depict it! That would require skill! An understanding of poetry! Instead we have to trust everything the author tells us happens. "There's a heartwarming performance"-- are you a teenage journalist? Why on earth am I reading this? Is this the first fucking draft? Holy fuck.

Our main character, Brian, is a gay werewolf who hangs out with other cool queer people. They're kind of his friends (they're also his coworkers, and one of them is his boss!) but he doesn't really want to open up to them. He's lonely, and, for reasons which aren't interesting at all, he just isn't that comfortable with being intimate. That's his main "issue", the only semblance of friction in his otherwise boring boring boring gay werewolf life. Also he kills people at night but we never see that? and he doesn't feel guilty? and there's no consequences for it ever? Whatever. He has these work friends and together they sometimes make bad jokes together. That's their tear-jerkingly fond dynamic.

Then he meets another werewolf called Tyler who is a trust fund baby that wants to start some alpha-male style multiple-marketing crypto scheme or something of that sort (not actually ever defined). Our boring guy Brian thinks: fuck it. This sounds lame and like a scam and kind of hypermasculine in the toxic way (he's aware of all of these concepts, all of these "progressive" ideas, the entire book) BUT Tyler promises to show him how to control his werewolf form so he doesn't kill people every full moon so WHY NOT.

That's what happens in the first.... I don't know. 3 chapters? Of this book. The rest of the book can be summarized as such:

Brian continues to hang out with his toxic new cryptobro Tyler, and Tyler's other cis-het-normie friends. He HATES it the entire time but, somehow, some fucking how, it's not enough (despite constant internal dialogue calling it all lame and offensive!) to simply walk away from these people. They have no redeeming qualities. The author doesn't even try to give them redeeeming qualities. They are stock photo characters. Brian's internal dialogue refers to them as such. Tyler is a cartoon villain. There is never a single suspicion in the reader that he's anything but.

In refusing to walk away from these people, also, he estranges his cool queer work buddies who thinks he's insane for hanging with them. YOU WOULD THINK THAT, as a reader, you would feel sympathetic to his work buddies simply on the grounds that yeah, Brian is insane. At least another character recognizes it. But the author writes all of them in such a way that even THIS becomes unbearable to read: they're SO RIGHT that there is simply no argument. Brian is being stupid! He's acting weird! He needs to apologize for acting weird! It felt like going down another dumbass thread: "how to properly apologize" and the author just copy pasted that right in the book. Bam.

And that's also how the book ends. He apologizes to his friends for... almost becoming a hypermasculine cryptobro. He just says he's not going to hang out with those weirdos anymore. He "comes out" as a werewolf but apparently his work buddies already knew (????????) (because taking days off every full moon was suspicious enough to confirm it???????) (AT NO POINT IS IT IMPLIED THAT WEREWOLVES ARE A COMMON THING) and whatever. WHATEVER. Oh my god. Anyway. They accept him. It's perfect now.

His cryptobro doesn't like this, basically tries to have Brian killed. Of course it doesn't work, we knew this supervillain had to be disposed off somehow, but the reason Brian is able to kill him is because............................ because............................ secretly, one of Brian's work buddies' new weirdo boyfriends has been a werewolf hunter this entire time. His last name. is Van Helsing. He is a descendant. Of Van Helsing. And he helps kill Tyler. His cryptoscheme empire comes to a definite silver-bullet end. The fucking End.

PLEASE CLAP.

TL;DR:

[amplexadversary]

Additional thoughts on Live A Live

The medley of everyone's chapter themes during the end credits owns.

I like how the T. Rex sprite has similar chonky proportions to the budgie god. My reasons for liking this are many, and although I'm pretty sure the reason for the way Odo looks is so that they could fit him in the boss box, it's delightful nonetheless.

According to my friend who played the original, the cowboy's jerky used to be cigars. I actually kind of prefer them as a food item because snarfing three servings of dried meat in combat makes more sense to me than somehow speed-smoking cigars. I'd have liked to have had the molotovs though.

I doubt the old-lady's crochet was the same thing in the original either, but I think it's far funnier having the punk running around in that, clashing with his other clothes than whatever underwear it probably used to be. I'm imagining a (admittedly very nice before the washer got to it) shawl my mother once made that goes just around the shoulders and doesn't close in front, but in pink. I think he'd rock that over the jacket, with the handbag worn saddle-bag style. Very little says IDGAF better than clearly stolen clothing.

Speaking of the Mazinger chapter - throughout the whole beginning all the little kids do is ask me for food before I've had the chance to acquire any. But as soon as I did the taiyaki stand minigame and came back, the game auto-advanced the plot, and I never got to give them the snacks I had acquired. Not going to lie, I'm a little bit disappointed there isn't another opportunity to hand those off once you can get into the lab and no one is in any immediate danger.

I will concede to liking a stylistic choice the devs made in one respect: Having Hoersted's dialogue be in Iambic kicks ass. Having the NPCs in his chapter speak like that... not so much (it made the king sound like he was having a stroke at times).

Yes I put an H in font of Oersted's name to mock him. I was a little concerned I wasn't going to be rewarded with some Chrono Trigger cast call for completing the game. It turned out he earns the scorn for other reasons. No way in hell I'm playing his chapter again so it stays.

I'm amused by how much funnier the joke I was making while watching the balcony scene became thanks to where the plot went. I was being an ass and supplementing the dialogue with something along the lines of:

"Look, princess, I think we both know based on your reaction that you aren't having it, so I have some good news: I'm not either. We're headed to beard city over here so you should probably start thinking about who you want to cheat on me with now so I can cover for- ah shit of course she just got kidnapped."

Damn the little player character sprites are adorable. I want a lanyard or something with my favorites on it (mainly because if I got a little keychain I'd actually have to get three; one of the dirtbag ninja, one of the smartass psychic, and one of the Domon-lookalike. Also, they all have a few different poses that are really cute).

I swear I'm calling the ninja a dirtbag as an affectionate term; part of it is due to how much I liked the AOE and debuff on his dust veil move and so I had the poor guy doing his best chinchilla impression at the start of a lot of battles in his chapter. The other reason is that there are just a bunch of ways to be a dick in his chapter and I decided to roll with the interpretation.

Taeko's Furious Fist has got to be my favorite weapon in the game just because of the flavor text and how you get it. It's not a tangible object. The guy just rolls with the vibe. I was a little bit sad when I had to unequip it to make room for more powerful gear.

I still think the names I picked are better than the default ones with the exception of the one I couldn't come up with any decent alternative for (the kung-fu style) and for the MMA guy (a blatant reference). The rest I had to think about before committing, and I think the only one I'd change is I'd lengthen the psychic's name to Vulcan (from Vul) because it looks better next to the length of the others. Admittedly, the one I chose for the robot is also a blatant reference but honestly anything I put in there would have been an improvement over Cube.

[pippin-katz]

I don’t think the reaction to Miguel’s comment was entirely discomfort, and rather somewhat embarrassed/bashful. In the second half of his reaction, you can see him trying not to smile as he tries to think of a response.

I wrote a whole-ass essay about Alex and his bisexuality with an entire section on Miguel if anyone is interested who hasn’t read it.

As much of a piece of shit Miguel ends up turning out to be, prior to sandbagging Ellen’s campaign, he and Alex are friendly; they’re more than acquaintances but not quite friends. I also think that Miguel’s flirting is partially genuine. He’s for sure trying to get close to Alex for info, but he’s definitely attracted to Alex (who isn’t?) outside of the politics.

And to be fair, Alex’s hesitance prior to their fallout was rooted in the fact that he was a journalist, not because he said he didn’t like him.

It’s also worth noting that he genuinely doesn’t realize there was something wrong with his article on Texas. He’s pretty dimwitted for not thinking it through further, but he didn’t actually intend it to be malicious. He’s near-sighted when it comes to politics because he’s a journalist whose entire job is to stay on top of what’s happening “NOW!”. It’s later when he leaks the emails that he’s being intentionally harmful.

To clarify, Miguel is still an asshole, and everyone is perfectly within their right to hate him, but it does bother me a little when people go super overboard on him prior to the Texas article and the leaks.

I guess, it makes me feel defensive of Alex, actually.

Somehow my emotions associate the heavy bashing of Miguel (again, pre-fallout) with indirectly insulting Alex.

Like, Alex is not stupid. If Miguel was being completely fake, he would notice. If he was truly uncomfortable with his advances, he would shut him down. This is a man who regularly picks fights with the fucking Prince of England. He is not afraid to stand up to someone when they piss him off, as Miguel later experiences for himself. Alex is in fucking law school for a reason. He is argumentative and intelligent. He writes a fourteen-page memoir that impresses and convinces the fucking president to try and flip Texas. Hell, when Miguel tries to talk to him about politics at the party, he deflects him super easily until Henry shows up, and even then he just mumbles a single sentence, that Miguel is only able to use because he has access to confidential documents.

So, when people act like Miguel was the devil incarnate before they fallout, my brain goes: “Do you think Alex is stupid enough to fall for it/let Miguel get away with it for so long? Do you actually think Alex would allow himself to be manipulated so obviously?”

No disrespect towards anyone intended!! I just thought I’d share my thoughts! I have been trying to work out why I felt frustrated, and I finally figured it out!

ADDED SECTION

I'm adding this on here because the more I think about Alex being "uncomfortable" with Miguel, the more confused/frustrated I get. You can tell by the look on his face in the rest of the conversation that, to quote Nora, "not NOT into him".

Why do you think there's so many GIF sets from this conversation that don't include the actual dialogue or shots of Miguel?

BECAUSE HE LOOKS FUCKING HOT OKAY??? HE'S GRINNING AND LAUGHING AND LOOKS SUPER FUCKING FLIRTY!!

And this look alone tipped people off that Alex may have had/have a "thing" with him, before Miguel implies it directly, before Alex confirms later:

And to clarify AGAIN, Alex isn't sure about hooking up with him again because he's a journalist. And to clarify AGAIN, Alex only gets nervous when Miguel starts talking about it.

This actually a trait of Alex in general, in both versions, though easier to see through the book. He internalizes a LOT. I didn't mean for this to be so long and in depth, but here's a couple lines from the book that indicate/show that genuine communication is a bit difficult for him:

"And I know we're, uh, not really friends, and we don't really talk about this stuff. . ." - page 91"We don't really..." Alex coughs. "I don't know. Talk like that?" - page 180 . . . and not just continuing this thing where they fly across the world to touch each other and don't talk about it. - page 220"I honestly don't know if I'm good enough or smart enough to ever be either of my parents. But I could be that." He drops his head down. He's never said the last part out loud to anyone before. - page 229

So, of course he's going to get closed off once he's forced to talk about it face-to-face with another person. It's easier to just go with the flow if he's having fun.

He does the same thing when Henry says they need to stay casual. He could have told him that he wanted more much earlier in their relationship, but that's terrifying, and he's basically been rejected in advance. It's the other way around in the book where Alex simplifies it:

"Hey," he says. He pokes Henry in the arm. "Don't freak out." "I'm not freaking out," he says, enunciating the words. Alex wriggles an inch closer in the sheets. "It was fun," Alex says. "I had fun. You had fun, right?""Definitely," he says, in a tone that sends a lazy park up Alex's spine. "Okay, cool. So, we can do this again, anytime you want," Alex says, dragging the back of his knuckles down Henry's shoulder. "And you know this doesn't, like, change anything between us, right? We're still... whatever we were before, just, you know. With blowjobs." - page 144

Alex basically tells Henry to just have fun and not to think/worry about it. And that's what Alex himself does. Weird feelings in his chest? Henry being the only thing on his mind? Imagining him in domestic settings? What does that all mean? NOPE. He's out; thanks for stopping by, but he's leaving this train station of thought.

ANYWAY

This turned into a way longer ramble than I had intended it to be, but thanks for reading if you got this far!

Thanks for reading!! If you enjoyed this essay & would like to support me, you can give me a tip on my Ko-Fi! ☺️

avoiding eye-contact (uncomfortable) avoiding eye-contact (affectionate)

[bells-of-black-sunday]

T.umblr being annoying aside, I am talking about A.rcane spoilers under the cut, since the final eps (I think its the final eps) are coming out Saturday and the arc that I wanted to see the most has basically come to its close:

Look— as someone who has written L.eague for well before the project to make every bit of L.eauge lore coheisive on one story line eliminating s.ummoers from the lore yada yada. A.rcane is very disappointing for me for multiple reasons.

The pacing issues where they are genuinely trying to fit way too many l.eague concepts into one narrative aside, the narrative arc just isn't satisfying at all between J.ayce and V.iktor. I mean that. In L.eague lore it's a huge argument over ethics from V.iktor feeling betrayed by the only friend he's ever had and J.ayce trying to fight tooth and nail to drag him out of his depression to look forward to the future with him. In A.rcane its... V.iktor gets revived by the void's bong juice and is like "bye J.ayce I'm leaving because you didn't destroy the hexcore". It's so unsatisfying. I know it's more than that, I know there's more narrative ties to it, but narrative ties to not mean shit if it isn't satisfying.

Even J.ayce killing V.iktor isn't satisfiyng. He just shows up. Shoots him and leaves. There's not a real word of dialogue spoken just fanfare about the g.lorious e.volution where it completely misses what the original intent of it was. J.ayce and V.iktor had one of the most well fleshed out and established narrative arcs in L.eague lore which is incredibly rare and they dropped the ball so hard. It's like the creators were hellbent on the void being involved (which I called in S1) and decided to make V.iktor an entirely different character, because of it while everyone else got to basically remain the same. I wanted the heartache, I wanted the fighting, the arguing, I want V.iktor getting killed by the only friend he ever had to make me feel something. And you wanna know what it did? It made me fucking laugh.

I dead ass was like "That's it???" to my mom who has no clue what L.eague lore is. Even she was like ????. It's so unsatisfying that I literally have no idea how they'll bring back V.iktor unless S.inged gets his hands on him like he's going to get his hands on W.arwick again. It won't make a difference. I already know this is the stupid v.gu he's getting so they're just going to ruin another character I love again. Don't get me wrong the rest of the series is eally good, but man they fumbled my favorite divorce arc so hard and I'm so incredibly disappointed.

[angelic-hellraiser]

RE4R Thoughts So Far (Separate Ways)

Putting this under the cut bc I trash tf outta this game. You've been warned.

THE TLDR VERSION:

Both Ada and Wesker do not behave consistently. They act OOC through the entire game. This ruins it for me. I can't connect to them because they feel like an insert instead of a living, breathing human. Their reactions to situations don't line up with their established personalities. Resident Evil has never been known for its depth of story or character, but it's 2024. Catch up ffs. Also, there is a large enough voice speaking out about Ada Wong's RE4R VA and her lackluster portrayal. *shrugs* I agree. She did a piss-poor job. And why was Wesker babysitting her? Way fucking OOC. Lastly, Wesker's VA was trying too hard to sound evil and it served more to irritate me. SMH.

THE "ME RANTING LIKE A FUCKING WILD WOMAN" VERSION:

Ada Wong's VA grates the fuck outta me. She sounds like a bratty teenager; then, at other times she sounds like a middle-aged mom reading a spy novel imagining herself as a badass. I cannot stand the sound of Claire Redfield's VA, but she does a fantastic job as Claire. She understands Claire better than this VA understands Ada.

Wesker. Wesker, Wesker, Wesker. FFS he's OOC and his storyline makes no logical sense. His VA grates my god damn nerves, too. By this point, he has graduated to super villain status. He doesn't need to be in Spain. He wouldn't be in Spain. WTF is he doing in fucking Spain? The Krauser storyline doesn't count fuck off.

Wesker saving Ada. Why? He wouldn't even bother. He'd have hired someone else. Clean, surgical and with the least amount of loss. Ada isn't the only one in her line of work and she certainly isn't the only one who succeeds at it. The only reason for him to show up is to kill Ada, especially if he doesn't trust her. SMH. I'm sick and tired of these writers not challenging themselves to dish out better storylines for characters. Imagine if Wesker became Ada's enemy and they were fighting one another to retrieve the sample instead of Ada's battle with Krauser. Leave Krauser for Leon. Let Ada and Wesker kick the shit outta each other behind the scenes. Come the fuck on. I still can't get over Wesker showing up like a candy-ass. It's more logical to hire another merc... or even a TEAM of mercs.

Ada's storyline. She has apparently read files on the village, but she isn't in Spain before Leon? She doesn't know about the president's daughter? She doesn't know about the creature who infects her in the first five minutes? WTF. The original storyline of her actually doing her homework and arriving there before Leon was better. It has a stronger foundation, and you take Ada more seriously. Wesker pep talking Ada through the story feels OOC, too. As if he'd waste his fucking time BABYSITTING her. No way. Ada is supposed to be a professional, completely independent and efficient. Yet this bitch needs her hand held the whole fucking time.

Okay... I just witnessed a scene with Wesker actually saying he's not there to babysit her. THEN WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING THERE, BRO? Writers, wtf. What the actual fuck?! Why are you so fucking LAZY? WHYYYYYY? And Ada's half-assed line afterwards: "Easy with the threats Wesker!" Not only was the line trash, the delivery from the VA was trash, too. Fuck. The writing and acting is lackluster af.

Ada's written dialogue. Yeah... NO. Again, sounding like a wannabe badass. So much of her thought process just peeves me. And her getting infected? Whut? I thought Ada was a character that did her homework?! By this point in the timeline, she has achieved her status as a force to be reckoned with. This is one of the reasons why Wesker hires her. The VA attempts to project professionalism through the dialogue, but it just comes off as stiff, nervous and bitchy. She sounds fake and the VA gives the impression that Ada is waaaaay out of her league. Jolene Anderson invited warmth into her portrayal of Ada Wong. You could sense that there was a real struggle with Ada's journey in RE2R, but there was also a strength of spirit that impressed upon the audience. We knew she was a badass. Here... it's vapid.

I'm tired of mediocre stories and lazy character portrayals. They had a chance to remake this game and turn it into something multilayered and powerful. Instead, they just rode off of the wave from the original RE4 and the RE2R. All characters start out as generic. We have archetypes we follow: the hero, the seductress, the super villain, the damsel in distress. What elevates them beyond generic is when they become human. When we as an audience can CONNECT to them and pick out the little idiosyncrasies that make them who they are (and those idiosyncrasies are consistent with the character and their development). Nic Pizzolatto said it best, "The only place anything comes alive is in character." And here, when referencing season one of True Detective, "I think the vision of the story was dictated by the characters and how they behaved in the circumstances I set out for them. [...] The trajectory of their personal arcs and where the journey took them was much more interesting to me with them left alive and altered in some way."

[peregrineggsandham]

Been playing Dark Souls I for the first time, blind. It's my first-ever Soulsborne game but after really enjoying other games that have been compared to Dark Souls for a variety of reasons (encouraging exploration, interconnected world, lore/plot that is drip-fed through sparse dialogue and item descriptions, combat that is challenging but fundamentally fair, environmental storytelling, themes of light/dark not necessarily corresponding one-to-one with good/evil, "dark fantasy" setting in general, secrets upon secrets upon secrets) I decided to give it a shot.

Have been completely blind so please no spoilers, even though this game is now 12 years old. All I know about the lore is... uh... Aviators music. Really enjoying having context for songs I've loved for years. Fading Light really hits now, it's awesome.

Thoughts below.

[Edit: an absolute shit-ton of thoughts below, sorry y'all, it just kept going.]

...I am loving this game, y'all. I understand why it's a classic and damn, I think I'm gonna end up playing through the whole series. Eventually. Too bad Bloodborne doesn't have a PC port, because I hear it has a more explicitly Lovecraftian vibe and I am here for that aesthetic.

...Will say that this is entirely blind save for one googling which amounted to "hey I consistently suck at bosses that require me to split my focus because I have a hard time tracking moving things on a screen, but... Ornstein and Smough are a pain in the ass for everyone, right? right? they are exactly the kind of boss I tend to be very bad at but it isn't just me right??"

(very glad to see the answer was yes, finally gave in and summoned another player for help. Thank you Percy, whoever you are. I think I could beat them solo, I was getting either of them in their giant forms to about half-health pretty consistently, but by then it had been far, far too many hours and I have real-world things to do, I really couldn't spare the time to keep trying. for now. maybe later.)

(felt kinda bad about it for a bit but then with the Lordvessel in hand holy fuck I have fast travel now and it feels amazing I went into the magma-y depths and took care of the... whats-his-name, the guy who acted just like the Stray Demon. Having beat the Stray Demon, it only took a couple tries, and then I one-shot the one after it, whom I think was called the Centipede Demon but whom I have dubbed Crawly.)

Currently throwing myself at the Bed of Chaos, who feels more "environmental hazard" than "boss" but after the rest of the... gauntlet?... kind of a nice break.

(Admittedly I realized late that it was a gauntlet - I beat Ceaseless Discharge right after Quelaag and then learned there was nowhere to go afterwards, whoops.)

Lore Musings:

(Look I know I'm probably super off - this game is very old and has sequels and I'm sure people have spent literal months of their lives piecing it all together, and believe you me I will be watching lore videos... after I have finished the game. By which I here mean "gotten all achievements". Which, google tells me [I like to check these things] will take three playthroughs. So it'll be a while, and it's fun to piece things together on my own! Feel free to hint cheekily at things that are right and wrong here but please don't spoil.)

I've been told I am to succeed Lord Gwyn and take his place to "link the first flame" and prolong the Age of Fire. Mm. Right. So. That seems lovely. Really, honestly, lovely - the world is beautiful. Worth keeping it going, I think.

(I had an initial theory that, having kinda passed its natural endpoint, the whole world was basically "undead" - lumbering on after it was supposed to have ended. So that prolonging it would effectively curse everyone to eventually go Hollow. But it sounds like "linking"/succeeding Gwyn would actually return things to how they were a millennia ago and solve this whole undead problem.)

......However. Two issues there.

First Issue: One of my favorite games of all time is Hollow Knight, which I've heard is rather DS-inspired. I definitely see how. Not just the metroidvania design and emphasis on challenging bosses and drip-fed lore, but themes. Light and dark. A sacrifice to keep something at bay, who is failing in their duty, who needs to be replaced. Now, I'm not going to rely on a completely different game to inform my understanding of this one's lore, but...

... But... well, this isn't a permanent solution, is it? Something like a thousand years ago, as I understand it so far, shit went down. People started becoming undead, Gwyn went off to Do Something About It. (Also the Witch of Izalith fell to Chaos around that time? Will get there.) Havel went Hollow and was locked in his tower, presumably by Gwyn (which was my original clue that Gwyn/the Lords were still alive after their whole Lords vs. Dragons showdown, since it meant Gwyn had to still have been around when the zombie problem began - love this piecemeal lore).

Gwyn "linked the flame" (the First Flame? what did he link it to? current bet is the Shrine, since that is what it is named - maybe that has something to do with why its Firekeeper, of all of them, seems to have some terrible penance she is performing). Now it's my turn? But Gwyn was a Lord (whatever that means? current guess is Lord=God but we've heard of more gods than just the four, so honestly I'm gonna base my Lord=God assumption entirely on what happens when I collect a Lord's soul and whether they look like the other unique souls in my inventory, since that would imply they're a similar kind of soul).

I am not a Lord. I'm just some dude. a flawed vessel, if you will.

Meaning that eventually - and probably less than 1000 years from now, someone is going to have to succeed me. (Was Gwyn even the first?)

How far will this go? How long can this last?

We're prolonging the inevitable.

(Also what does "linking the fire" entail and is this a Ones Who Walk Away from Omelas situation.)

Now, you could easily frame "prolonging the inevitable" as either a good or bad thing.

(1) Theme of persistence and hope: Even if the end is inevitable, isn't it worth fighting to drive it back as long as possible? Just because everything ends doesn't mean we shouldn't give up and wait for it to happen. We must fight to keep the fire lit, as long as we can.

(2) Theme of acceptance and change: Yes, everything ends and the end is inevitable - fighting that will only lead to despair. Ends are not bad, change is not bad, and letting change occur is not giving up - it is only witnessing the start of a new age. Even if we can bring it back to its former glory in some day, is the world not, by this point, undead?

Is that a bad thing to be?

Even if it isn't, is there new life that we are preventing from existing?

Now of course you can argue that there is not new life! What is to come is darkness! It is devouring, consumption, end, ash, blindness! (Funny, though, isn't it how all of those things can come also from wildfires.) Dark is bad. Obviously. Of course we don't want the end to come, when all it will bring is despair.

But then, that's the Second Issue:

"Falling to dark", the end of the age of fire, it's all presented as quite horrible. Fair enough! It does, indeed, seem to be! Certainly darkness is a corrupting force - Gwyn's soul (?) split into four, Four Kings, falling to dark - don't know what that's about yet, I imagine I have to find some way to drain New Londo to find out.

Point is, darkness is bad! Very bad! Everyone is quite insistent upon this! Dark=bad. Falling to it = bad.

....

........Except I'm in Lost Izalith right now and it's. uh.

not gonna lie, it's pretty bad here.

and it's very, very bright.

Here, in this lava-lit city, where Solaire himself found a "sun" so blindingly beautiful he lost himself to it. Here, where the witches who had mastered fire - mastered light - fell just as hard.

Light, it seems, is just as corrupting a force.

"Chaos" is more confusing - I think it's effectively the primordial base from which light and dark arise, aka "Disparity", will have to watch the opening cutscene for a third time. But that doesn't seem quite right since seems to be more light-aligned, what with the chaos fire pyromancies and seeing how the witch and her daughters were corrupted by chaos. not dark. they did not fall to dark.

Again, haven't figured out what's going on with the Kings yet, but...

...I am not convinced that dark is evil.

And I'm not convinced that clinging to light is the right thing to do.

Fantasy likes to paint darkness as stagnation and death, light as life and change.

But as I understand it, both light and dark arose from Disparity, which had something to do with the First Flame. They were created at the same time. There is no such thing as light without a corresponding concept of darkness. They are equals.

Stagnation, emptiness, those aren't characteristics of darkness, they're characteristics of the ancient world, the one the dragons ruled/existed in. Dragons which might (?) have been made of stone, the #1 metaphor for something firm and unchanging and eternal (geologists everywhere just rolled their eyes). Eternity, immortality, that predates light and dark.

The concept of decay and death requires a concept of life, of change. A world of dark is not a world without change. Things still died in the Age of Fire; it is not eternal. (that's rather the whole "problem", actually). Hell, Nito is apparently "first of the dead" and he was born of flame like the other Lords as per opening cinematic. Things will, presumably, still live in some future Age of Darkness.

...the entire point of disparity, of fire, was the introduction of the possibility of change.

........so it kind of feels that the perpetuation of this world, a world of Fire Unchanging, would be just... a shallow and ill-fitting recreation of How It Used To Be during the age before disparity came to be.

Like. Look. Uninformed blind-playthrough timeline here: There was Stagnation, all stone and dragons. Then, Disparity was born, Change, and with it Light and Dark. The Souls of Lords were found, and used Light to fight against Stagnation. (I feel like Dark would have worked just as well.) They built a world of Light.

Now everyone is upset that Change is happening? My dudes you built this place out of one half of Change incarnate. It does that! It's almost as if you didn't really want Change, you just wanted a new world of Stagnation in which you ruled as gods.

A new eternal kingdom, made of fire instead of stone.

But fire isn't stone. Fires go out, eventually. And are rekindled.

....Funny, it's almost like a classic dark-light-dark-light cycle. The story is so close to "there was dark, then light, now dark is coming again and everyone fond of light is trying to stop it".

But it's not.

Because there hasn't been dark - at least, not a full-on Age of it. I think. I dunno, there are two more games and I haven't finished this one yet but...

...I suspect that that kind of cycle is exactly what would happen if this age ended! Dark is born of disparity, too! It'd end eventually, and a new Age of Fire would be born, and so on, ad infinitum, until even change itself changes and the cycle is broken, because an infinite cycle is really just its own kind of stagnation and one day someone will have to make that choice.

But that's not this story. This cycle hasn't even started, because fire is clung to so tightly.

Maybe that's not a bad thing. Again, infinite cycles, not great, but... more natural, certainly. And if dark is destruction without rebirth, decay without fertilization of new soil, despair and suffering without relief, then, well, I can't say I disagree.

...............but is it though? all I have been told of it comes from its kings and those who followed them. maybe they are corrupt and unwilling to give up their power. or maybe, more likely, they are only afraid of the dark.

....We are afraid of the dark when we do not know what lurks in it. Souls of Lords, found in the flame - they're children of light, then? What do I know so far, that is born from the dark? Anything?

........yeah I have no idea if I am reading really really really too far into this but from what I know of games that take inspiration from this and from what osmosis of its Themes has entered pop culture I really don't think I am. (and hell, even if I am, it's super fun)

I don't know if I'm going to have the choice to succeed Gwyn or not but I have a sneaking suspicion that the answer is yes given that the achievements list gives two endings named "To Link the Fire" and "The Dark Lord" (the latter of which... uh... vaguely ominous)

also side note what the fuck is humanity

and also talking about Lords why has no one mentioned the furtive pygmy since the opening cutscene. "so easily forgotten indeed"

Four souls for the Lordvessel: Nito, the Witch, Gwyn in four pieces via the Kings…. and Seath? The dragon? Not the pygmy. What happened to the pygmy.

[rewatched cutscene] "then from the Dark, they came" are those humans. those look like humans.

something is very weird here.

WAIT FUCK corollary to 49

"Then from the Dark, they came" humans. found lords in the flame. are humans are born of dark like lords are of light?

.....well what the fuck does that mean?

if lords=gods, are humans "dark" things that have been ruled by light for millennia? i mean, that's not so bad, light is lovely, big fan of fire, I am a bona fide swamp-dwelling pyromancer fire is my jam 10/10 would solve all my problems with arson wait are we the fucking "dark souls"

I mean we exist during this Age of Fire, but we're also turning undead. A problem the gods don't (?) seem to be having.

…We are afraid of the dark when we do not know what lurks in it.

What if we are what lurks in it?

...........alright now I'm reading too much into this. But I LOVE this kind of lore where things all just feel… kind of off? As if there is some big picture you can't -quite- see.

I am under no illusion these questions'll be answered perfectly in-game, and I'm well aware there are 12 years of figuring all this out for me to catch up on! But damn if it isn't fun to specul-

THE HUMANITY ITEM. IS A FUCKING. BOSS SOUL ITEM. IN INVERTED COLORS.

.........

Gripes:

...not many. But the one thing. My nemesis. In this game. Is the god-damned keyboard menu controls. Look, I get that this was made for controller! I do! But I do not own one! Navigating the weapon/item selection is one thing, I'm [checks steam] 84.7 hours in [...oh god, really?? holy fuck. dear lord.] and have finally gotten a handle on that!

But the button to unequip an item in the equipment screen is the same as the button to switch to inspection in the... item screen. whatever you call it. and I suspect this would actually be the same for controller.

How many times have I unequipped something when I meant to look at it? many. 84.7 hour in, how often do I do this still? usually.

...also I only found that bonfire in Sen's Fortress via combination of friendly player message and sheer dumb luck holy crap that would have been a nightmare y'all didn't need to make them that hidden.

......also it'd be very nice if NPCs had some sort of indicator of their name, or mentioned it more than once. I remember Solaire (...RIP, poor dude found his new sun, I carry his talisman in solidarity) and Quelana (because it's so close to Quelaag) and Eingyi (he's mentioned in an item description and the whole... egg... thing haunted me for ages before I met him) and Sif (because why would you make me kill a good pup, guard dog wolf with sword, best friend, she [? female name in Norse myth, not sure if character is also female] was protecting her master's damned grave she did not deserve this) and for some reason Laurentius (dunno why that one stuck) but everyone else gets monikers. Onionman. Bird Friend. Sad Friend. Blacksmith. Bigger Blacksmith. Deader Blacksmith. Sadder Blacksmith. Cheshire Cat Lady.

(Frampt is remembered now because Gwynevere says his name but in my heart he is still Mr. Teeth.)

..........yeah that's all I got, honestly, I have loved everything else about this game.

WAIT NO

ONE MORE THING THAT I REALLY HATE

so there are all these player messages before female characters with no tops reading "great chest ahead"

ha ha very amusing yes chuckle chuckle

BUT

you know who has a very well-defined chest on full display right there in your face and for whom I have never seen a single "great chest ahead" message?

SMOUGH.

i realize that he is wearing armor but i have no reason to believe it isn't form-fitting and true-to-life. dude may as well be topless. there is no smough boobs appreciation and i will not stand for it.

To conclude, I present two pieces of evidence:

"Since his sores were inflamed by lava from birth, his witch sisters gave him this special ring." - Orange Charred Ring item description

"...the Witch of Izalith and her Daughters of Chaos..." - opening cinematic

Diversity win! Ceaseless Discharge is trans.

[manianlittlecutie]

Still looking for a Mod that would maybe help make Clint a little more well rounded because come ON!

I know a guy like that irl (or at least he kinda used to be like that) He was awkward and misreable because of external and internal factors And now he has a very lovely wife and a cute lil girl whom he adores (not to mention he's a great dad)

I just wish we could help Clint come out of his shell and become happier I mean for goodness sakes the man sends us whole ass metal bars in the mail just because we were nice to him Plus while he isn't too fond of his work he still takes pride in it and does his job so well (I just have to wait 1 day for you to completely re-do my equipment and the price is super reasonable? WOW)

One mission done for him and he gives us a machine that can basically replace part of what he does for a living And he helped Shane with the advertisement, getting hurt while doing it without even blinking an eye I know some will say he only did it because Emily was there but still I think Clint gets way too much hate for way too little dialogue

thoughts on Clint?

I think that Clint is kind of misguided. A lot of people hate him for valid reasons I think but I don’t hate him. I think what he needs is a bit of an attitude adjustment if he wants to work on his anxiety and low self esteem but he’s gotten so comfortable being miserable that he won’t give himself permission to improve his own life. I feel bad for Clint but at the end of the day if you refuse to accept help and won’t help yourself then you’re just not going to get better. Sometimes no matter how hard you try you can’t get through to some people and in many ways Clint feels impossible to help.

I also feel like he kinda got done dirty as one of the only fat characters in the game. Like yeah of course the loser guy who can’t get the girl or change his bad attitude is fat. Slightly rubs me the wrong way. Like not in a major way. I’m not pulling up pitchforks and torches about it but I do think that sometimes Eric Barone as a writer isn’t fully aware of exactly what he’s doing with certain topics and it shows.

Overall Clint isn’t one of my favorite characters but I also don’t hate him as much as some people do. I don’t hate him at all actually.