#this is the man who was the gay plastic cowboy so...

[martianbugsbunny]

I would like to know what Owen Wilson's thought process was when he decided that Mobius should call Loki a pussycat in season 1, like sir that was a phenomenal decision we stan

[egipci]

Bourbon Street Parade

They drove down to New Orleans looking to buy some hex bags from an old connection, but they were out of luck. A little girl, no older than eight years old, appeared in front of the door wearing green fairy wings, in her hand a magic wand with curly plastic ribbons coming out the end of it. She ran the ribbons through her fingers and looped them around and made a motion as if snipping them and craned her neck back and said Old Al was dead forever. Dad rubbed his eyes with the flat of his palm, his mouth down-turned, his jaw clenched. She stretched her arm out and pointed her wand towards the river. She said you better look for some other guy but watch out for all the phonies.

Thanks, Dean said, and held out his family-size bag of tootsie rolls. She shook her head. He wagged his eyebrows and rattled the bag like, you sure? This is the good stuff. Two for five at the gas station this morning but he was already down to a third of a bag and this made him feel very generous. Again she shook her head. He made a show of unwrapping a candy and throwing it into his mouth. She gave him a disgusted look and took off.

O-kay, he said. He scraped the taffy coating his teeth with a fingernail, struggled some to get out what was stuck between them while he thought carefully about touching Dad’s elbow or offering some other comfort. He swallowed, fake-chocolate taste thick at the back of his throat, and looked at his dad and Dad sighed and slapped his shoulder and said let’s go and started walking down Conti, leaving the car behind, always knowing what to do, walking fast like he did in huge strides that you had to jog a little to keep up with him for five, six blocks, past blow-up ghosts in front of homes covered in mesh cobwebs and kids inside them screaming, the street narrowing in, the sidewalks getting busier. Out of nowhere Dad crossed the street and there was a beep and Dean waved his hand at the guy behind the wheel and there were startled angry apologetic looks exchanged and Dean turned again looking for his father and caught sight of his turning left on Bourbon and called out after him and rounded the corner, his hand on his dead phone heavy and useless in his pocket, his eyes trained on Dad’s shoulders, so far behind him now and between them fat Batman in gray suit and hard plastic cowl, Michael Jackson who couldn’t moonwalk, Dolly Parton with foam tits and cowboy hat, chick waddling in mermaid tail, sexy nurse, squad of stormtroopers, preacher raging into a microphone, Ghostface, Black guy in a shoulder-length brown wig and beige-colored bathrobe, three little kids drumming on upside-down buckets, vampire with plastic fangs and red running down her chin and down her neck and her sternum artfully between her boobs, innumerable sweaty costumeless midwestern couples drinking liquor in plastic cups, murder victim with axe sticking out his head, scarecrow, Neo in leather duster, sorority girls in heels, fun-loving gay dudes, Pennywise and closely-related generic clown, a second and third Ghostface, beer sweetness in the air and gumbo and a big manly hand on his ass squeezing and Eagles cover band singing the full moon is calling the fever is high and the — corner of St. Ann where Dad turned right and disappeared into one of the courtyards or up into the rare green aurora flashing over the Mississippi a hundred yards away with its sewage smell, leaving Dean forever with his candy and choices to make like does he go back where he came from or does he walk miles up and down Decatur for the ghosts to watch and laugh from their balconies or does he ask for a phone to please call my dad and even worse than that the humiliation of asking where are you where should I meet you why would you leave like that should I go back to the car?

But then he heard the shouting. A large-sounding, murderous-sounding man was cursing insanely. His voice echoed and spilled out into the street. Dean pushed in a narrow metal gate that led into a poorly-lit path that led into a creole courtyard just as Dad turned the corner on his way out and said found you and just as Dad turned the corner Dean made some embarrassing girlish sound and threw himself back against the wall, gasping wildly, his heart rabbiting, hopped up on high-fructose corn syrup, threatening to bust out through his ribs. Pressed his hand to his chest to keep it in place. Whatever misery Dad saw on his face made him grin wide and sharp. Across from Dean he leaned against the wall. Only three feet between them now. But Dad tugged on his jacket, pulled him closer. Dean tripped over his feet, into Dad's chest, held on to Dad's arms for balance. Dad said, Here you go, laughing. He held a cloth pouch in his hand, tried to fit it in Dean’s right pocket but found it full of candy wrappers. He tsked as they fell soundlessly to the ground and said, gonna make yourself sick bud, slow and deep and pitying, teasing, hot in that eye-prickling way. He pulled Dean’s jacket open and left the pouch and its mysteries inside the inner pocket then his hand on Dean’s chest.

I was right behind you, Dean said, belly swirling with taffy and four whole months since he’d last had Dad’s hands on him.

I know, dude.

I found you.

I know, Dad said, huge careful hands cradling Dean’s skull. He said hey come here, and his hot open mouth was on Dean’s skin and his beard scratching and his teeth and he tilted Dean’s face up finally and then there was nothing for it. Dean closed his eyes.

[bookdork1]

i think that in changing channels gabriel should have cast dean as the lead in a hallmark movie (shhh we’re pretending this is 2020 hallmark making a gay christmas romance film, not 2009 hallmark who doesn’t know gay people are real) and he has to play the role of the big city person moving to a small town for reasons(tm) where he immediately meets a handsome but annoyingly know-it-all bachelor who raises horses on his ranch and wears cowboy boots and hats and is suspiciously cas shaped (also in this scenario cas is sucked into having to play a certain role, he’s not just crashing the shows). so yeah dean and cas are both aware of who they really are but they also know they have to act this out or they’ll never escape tv land. it is. excruciating. to say the least. sam is having a great time though playing the role of bestest sibling who pops up for the occasional facetime or stroll-and-talk through a department store where he very sincerely encourages dean to let go of his fears that Ranch Man is just like his jerk ex-fiance from the big city who only cared about work and instead open himself to the possibility of true love at christmas (very importantly they are also surrounded by fake snow and fake snowmen at all times and at some point dean punches one of the plastic snowmen). 

[365days365movies]

April 8, 2021: Swiss Army Man (2016) (Recap: Part One)

Don’t think about the Boy who Lived.

Daniel Radcliffe is a talented actor with a wider range than he’s given credit for. He’s been working since childhood, and has picked up quite a lot over time. While most famous for...a certain role that will go unnamed...he famously started his stage career in 2007 with the musical Equus, and that later progressed to How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead, and Endgame.

Meanwhile, he also made appearances of television in varied roles, live-action and animated. He started his career in an adaptation of David Copperfield in 1999, voiced a character on The Simpsons three separate times, hosted Saturday Night Live in 2012, and also currently has an excellent role in the anthology series Miracle Workers.

And MEANWHILE, he also had quite the robust film career, especially after...the role which shall not be named. There were a few films made during that time period, like December Boys and The Woman in Black, but most of his time was understandably taken up, as was his public image. That, of course, ends in 2011. The first time I saw him in a role outside he who shall not be named was in the film Kill Your Darlings, about the collegiate career and romance in the life of famous gay poet Allen Ginsburg. It was very good!

The same year, 2013, he starred in Horns, a unique fantasy film that I considered watching for Fantasy March. His film career would be full of ups (The F Word, Trainwreck, Lost in London) and downs (Victor Frankenstein, Now You See Me 2, Playmobil: the Movie oh God REALLY JESUS). And right in the middle of those came one of his most famous weird roles. And that’s today’s focus. And I’ve been wanting to watch it for YEARS. And while we’re talking about him, let’s talk about this film’s other star: Paul Dano.

Dano’s career also began young, and in the opposite way to Radcliffe’s: in theatre first. After a stint on Broadway at the age of 12 (GODDAMN) in Inherit the Wind, as well as several other productions, he transitioned to film in 2000, around the same time that Radcliffe started as well. Eventually, he gained acclaim with his role in Little Miss Sunshine, and then...anybody else in the mood for a milkshake right about now?

Yeah, I haven’t seen that movie, but I really should this year. Consider it on my list...at some point. I’ll figure it out. Anyway, Dano’s role in There Will Be Blood only increased his acclaim, and found him acting in a number of indie films. Dano’s definitely not a blockbuster guy, but that’s not to say that he completely avoids them either. He’s been in Knight and Day, Cowboys and Aliens, and Looper, which all fall under that category. And except for the last one...they aren’t especially good, either. 

But again, he was also in 12 Years a Slave, Okja, Wildlife, Where the Wild Things Are, and Meek’s Cutoff, and all of those were critically acclaimed, and some almost reached blockbuster status themselves. So I don’t really know how to feel about his upcoming role as...the Riddler.

Yeah, we’ll see, but I’m holding my breath. Dano’s great, and I love the Riddler, but...I dunno. Like I said, we’ll see. But in the meantime, that’s enough navel-gazing. Let’s watch Swiss Army Man! SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

Recap (1/2)

We begin at sea. If you have thalassophobia, this is already terrifying for you. After seeing many plastics floating on the ocean, covered in written messages, we make our way to a deserted island, where Hank Thompson (Paul Dano) is committing suicide after being stranded there for so long.

However, as he does, he spies someone lying on the beach. The rope snaps, and Hank runs over to greet the body, hoping that he isn’t dead. Unfortunately, after a very loud burst of flatulence, it’s pretty damn clear that this is a dead body. And yes, this is Daniel Radcliffe, but I’ll introduce him formerly when the time comes.

Hank’s sad that the guy isn’t alive, but still speaks to him about his hopes and dreams in the past. He’d always wanted a life of parties and friends and love, and imagined that he’d see that kind of life in a flash before he died. Instead, he only saw the body, who responds with yet another fart. But with that, Hank goes back to trying to hang himself. 

And as he does...the body keeps interrupting with its INSANE gas. Like, it’s so bad that the body keeps shaking as if it were alive. The body washes into the sea, and its flatulence begins to propel it away from the shore. Hank sees this, and he uses the humming he was doing to make the Intro Song, which is strangely mesmerizing? Like, literally soundtrack-worthy, I’m not kidding. He also grabs a piece of his noose, uses it to grab onto the body, and rides it as the farts propel them both far away from the beach. It’s absolutely absurd...and kind of great. And then the titles play.

Hank wakes up on the short of a different island, or possible a larger land mass, and is overjoyed by the change in scenery. He shouts his name to the world, and credits the body with his rescue. No longer stranded in the Pacific, as far as we know, he tries to use his phone, to no avail. He decides to head out and look for help, grabbing a bag of Cheetos that washed up alongside them, bids the body farewell...and then comes back for it.

Carrying the farting body on his back (and kind of treating him as if he’s alive), he wanders through the forest to find help. He wonders if the gas is the result of decomposition (likely, if excessive), or if its the body’s soul leaving it. Either way, the trudge forward. They settle in a cave for the night, as it rains heavily outside. As Hank is want to do, he hums to himself, and shares more of his personal life with the body, as he sings to it. And yeah, I’ve been linking to these songs, because the soundtrack is genuinely fascinating to me.

Morning comes, and Hank awakes to a raccoon prying at the body, which he subsequently chases for food. In his desperation for food and water, he’s once again about to leave the body in the cave, but notices it leaking copious amounts of water from its mouth, which it had collected from the cave walls overnight. And yes...he drinks it. Which is absolutely disgusting when you think about it, which I now choose NOT to.

In the process, Hank squeezes the body for more water, and air escapes his mouth in such a way that it sounds like it’s speaking a name: Manny (Daniel Radcliffe). From that, Hank gets the body to speak his name and a simple greeting, but grows frustrated from the inability of the body to speak properly. This leads to him being a bit abusive towards him, reminding him unfavorably of his own father. Ooh, character revelations, me like.

Anyway, he apologizes to Manny for treating him that way...and Manny responds. Which FREAKS HANK THE FUCK OUT, understandably, and he punches Manny and flees the cave. As he comes back, Manny is indeed speaking outright, which is either a miracle or Hank just straight-up hallucinating. Either way, Hank asks Manny to try and remember his past life, but all he can get is the vague recollection of the Jurassic Park theme song. But Manny can’t remember the movie itself, which is when Hank says the most correct line ever said in all of film.

You’re goddamn right. Anyway, from, there, Hank tries to teach Manny about the ways of the world, and the nature of life and death. And the resulting conversation is absolutely fuckin’ ridiculous, and I love it all. Through the process, Manny learns about the world, and Hank asks him to help get home.

In the process, Manny inadvertently insults Hank, causing to walk off and once again look for help, only to eat poison berries and throw up for a sec. The two reunite, and their conversation turns to the topic of sex. See, there are some magazines in the cave that they’re in, which prompts some questions about women, sex, and love. To both of their surprise, this conversation causes Manny’s heart to beat! Spurred on, Hank continues, and Manny’s heart appears to reawaken...as does his penis. That’s a link to the soundtrack, I promise.

Hank and Manny both freak out, as his little Manny seems to have a mind (and motility) of its own. But in the ever absurd nature of this movie’s premise, this too has a secondary function: it’s a compass. Yup. And that prompts the next step of their journey, which is full of a conversation about fetishes and masturbation. Yeah, Hank’s surprised about that, too.

This leads to a conversation about his parents, as well as somewhat traumatic parts of his childhood, including his mother’s premature death. This makes Hank upset, and he lashes out at Manny, who briefly returns to being dead until Hank apologizes. As they go on, however, they encounter another denizen of the forest: a bear. This causes the two to fall off a cliff, and causes Hank’s phone to fall out of his pocket and turn on, allowing Manny to see the picture of a girl on his background.

Manny’s enraptured by the picture, and constantly asks to see her again, as Hank continues to struggle for food. The problem is that Hank needs to conserve the power on the phone, but Manny asks if Hank can dress up as the girl in order to help him remember, and bring him back to life to help save them both. He does so reluctantly, but Manny calls him beautiful, to which Hank reacts positively. This not only helps Manny come to life a little more, but also leads Hank to shave to look more convincing for Manny...and possibly for Hank, too.

As these two engage on a fake date and create a fake bus (while Manny listens to a fake self-sung cover of Cotton Eye Joe that I’m putting on my playlist), this is a good time to mention the one thing I know about this movie...maybe. I don’t quite remember where I heard this, but I have heard that this film is possibly a commentary on the transgender experience, or at the very least that Hank is transgender, but hasn’t come to terms with that as of yet. Now, I don’t know if that’s true or not, but I have heard that, and I’m definitely interested to see if that’s the direction this goes. This scene definitely seems to somewhat confirm this theory. Also, I will say (as I have said before when watching The Danish Girl), I’m a straight dude of the cissexual sort, so this is in NO WAY in my wheelhouse, but I still figured I’d mention it.

We’re also at the halfway point now, so this would seem like a good time to pause for Part 2! See you there!

[joshslater]

The Adoption

A rewrite of a story from changes-are-coming. Similar stories and bonus material on my Patreon.

“Fuck! I told you it would happen!”

The car made a final cough of pitch-black smoke, and came to a rolling stop in the grassy side of the road. The ground was damp from the shower, but the sky had cleared and the air was warm in the summer afternoon glow.

“No service” his brother announced, waving his cellphone around, as if it would catch some stray reception.

“Of course not. No one here has any money to bribe an operator for coverage. I told you we should stay clear of bum-fuck nowhere.” He hit he wheel in rage infused frustration. Their cross country adventure had started out great. They were of one mind, as twins often are. So much so that they couldn’t agree on who came up with the idea of a road trip adventure before college senior year. But now, a few days in, their relationship had deteriorated just as fast as his brothers car, as it became obvious he had not maintained it properly.

“At lest we don’t have to starve.” He said, making a gesture towards the corn field. “You fucking moron. They are not edible for months.” He exited the car and walked some steps away from the car. Why did he always do this? His careless non-planning had caused trouble for them since forever. He took a deep breath of county air, with the smell of recent rain. He knew there was a word for it. He turned towards the car to ask, when in the distance he saw the glint of an approaching car.

He stood still for minutes, watching the black truck getting bigger and bigger and really big. Once it started to get close he begun waving it down. It didn’t slow down much, but made a sudden brake once past him. The truck stood still for perhaps a minute until a door opened.

Out of the passenger seat climbed a hunk calendar caricature of a cowboy. Big hat, boots, tight blue jeans and shirtless, showing of his smooth, chiseled upper body physique.

“Howdy, what seems to be the trouble?” “Our car is fucked?” “Who ya got with ya?” “My dumbass twin brother.”

The driver door opened, and an equally striking, similarly clothed man climbed out, gave them a nod and stood resting against the side of the truck.

“You’ve been working on the fields?” “Something like that. Let’s get you and your brother some miles before dark.”

He rapped the window, shaking his brother out of a losing round of Candy Crush. “Hey, step out. We’ve got a lift.” “What? With them?” “College students with fucked engines can’t be choosers.” “Fine. But there’s only one row in those, aren’t there?” “Take the flatbed then. This is all your fault.”

In fairness he didn’t mind the flatbed over sitting between those two half naked dudes, like a patty in a burger, or perhaps more like bread between two beefcakes. The truck was large enough he thought the car might even fit on the flatbed, not that they could get it up there. The guy with the cowboy hat helped him up. Doing that he got a whiff of musky sweat and was immediately happy with his choice, but no sooner had the other three packed themselves into the truck and rolled away, did he feel the stale rain water on the bed soaking through his pants. Dammit. The nearest town was 50 minutes away.

Inside the truck his twin brother had the opposite thought. The driver was of few words and had simply smiled and gunned the engine, speeding away from the stranded car. The car was barely out of view when he wondered how he would be able to stand the smell of cologne and sweaty bodies for so long.

“How far away is it?” “We’ll be there in 30 minutes tops.” “That close?” “Yeah. Hey, you drink coffee?” “Yes. Thanks.”

He did not want to drink coffee, but anything else to keep his mind of the smell and what these two dudes might have done together would be a godsend. The guy in the cowboy hat unscrewed the top of a thermos bottle and filled it with hot coffee. It was black and bitter, unlike anything he had had before. There was a funny aftertaste as well, he thought. He did relax though, feeling lucky that someone passed them buy so quickly. Trying to cut the suffering short, he downed the rest of the coffee, handed back the top, and slumped in his seat. Staring out at the fields passing by he realized he was exhausted. Fighting with his brother always drained him.

Slowing down, the truck pulled into a long driveway which led to a group of farm buildings on an island of grass and trees in a sea of fields. It hadn’t really been cold on the flatbed, but he couldn’t wait to find some way of drying his jeans, and an explanation for why there weren’t in town. Both hunk #1 and hunk #2 jumped out of the truck, but his brother lingered for some reason. “Hey, I’ll catch you” the guy in the cowboy hat shouted. Fuck that. He jumped over the side and landed a bit away from him. Someone, the other guy, grabbed his arms from behind.

“Hey, let go! LET GO!” “Scream all you want. There isn’t even a public road for a mile.”

He was firmly marched towards the main building, resisting at at first, but soon realizing the futility of fighting two men, especially men as muscled as these. There was no where to run anyway. He caught a glimpse of his brother inside the truck, seemingly unconscious with earbuds in his ears.

“What have you done to my brother?” “He’s just taking a nap.”

He was led through the dark interior of the farmhouse and was soon securely tied to a wooden chair in the kitchen, facing the wrong way as to leave his back free. He looked around in confusion. It seemed like the men had a young child, but one that was the size of a teenager. Just opposite the table from him was an oversized high-chair, and they had passed a too large bouncy swing in the living room. Or did they use them for some gay shit? Was that why he and his brother were kidnapped?

“Let me go!” he pleaded. “We had only planned for one kid, but when life gives you twins you...” he was searching for some ending to the saying. “...make twinks?” the other man suggested. “No, that’s not it. Anyway, I think our boy will love to have a pet to play with.”

None of this made any sense to him.

“But for that to happen, you need to take this.” He pulled out an over two inch long, white object from a plastic case. “That’s massive! I can’t swallow that.” “I’m sure we can find a way to get it in you.”

He could do nothing but squirm and shout as they removed the belt and cut his jeans and boxers from his body. Then one of them slowly inserted the suppository up his asshole. Once in place it didn’t take many seconds until it started to sting and feel kind of warm, like it was made out of icy hot and sriracha. He again squirmed, only this time it was involuntary.

“See how well it fits your boy pussy” “Fuck you!”

Through the door frame, for a split second, he could see the other man carrying his brother. He was still sleeping, and with earbuds, but was now naked except for some adult diapers.

“It’s starting to get real intense, doesn’t it?” “Let us go. We won’t tell anyone.” “You don’t want that. It’s just going to get worse, unless you get a tail. This will make it better though.”

The man was offering up a glass of clear liquid to his lips. Feeling out of options he decided to drink from it. It tasted like water, with something bitter dissolved. It had a weird aftertaste, Then everything went black.

He liked the bouncing. It made his stomach feel funny on the way down. It made him giggle. There was something important he needed to do, but he couldn’t remember what. Every jump was just too funny.

Then a man with a funny hat entered the room. What was the name of the hat? The man was somehow important. The man didn’t have a shirt on. He wanted to touch him. To taste him. Put him in his mouth. Now he remembered!

“bowboy” “Yes, a cowboy. Good. Did my big boy sleep well?”

Why did he use such difficult words? It was almost impossible to understand him.

Then another man entered, and following him, on the floor was something black. A big black rubber dog walking on all four. He had a tail that was wagging as he walked, and under him, between his legs, was a big red rubber pee pee. He recognized the face somehow.

“Dod!” “Yes, it is dog!”

The dog suddenly recognized the teenage sized baby hanging in the bouncy swing, and excitedly ran up to him and started licking him in the face. He could barely contain his joy.

“Dod!”

The two men beamed, and put an arm around each other. There were still so much to do. The car in their barn had to be stripped to scraps, VINs filed down, fabric burned, plates destroyed. They already had a fire going with all the clothes and personal items. The boys needed much more attention, but in a month, maybe two, they would be totally transformed, utterly helpless and barely physically recognizable. A new family.

[pikachunas]

Rand of the Lost

His name was Randall. She had met him online a month before, when he messaged her something both witty and charming, some reference to her profile; the type of message a good man sends you. It was immediate banter and mutual interest-- his topical jokes made her laugh, his music taste was effortlessly aligned with hers, and on top of it all, he even seemed to have money, or so he claimed. You see, in his profile, he had typed “I’m not very successful and I have no friends.” 

Confusing, or maybe just funny? She wasn’t sure how a modern man measured success, her older immigrant father equated success with money...and of course, her exes never had any. The promise of a dinner she wouldn’t have to throw a twen down for was alluring, plus, he had a sense of humor, and even a college degree.

In terms of appearances, confusion struck her once again, though. She poured over his photos on social media, trying to make sense of what she was seeing. They seemed to be from his adolescence-- the face of an older boy with the initial stages of pubescent facial hair, but round baby-faced cheeks and large childlike eyes. He only had three photos-- one just a headshot, seemingly against a pillow. Another, him in a bed again, surrounded by dogs, only his face was visible, the rest obscured by comforters. The third was him in a chair, small legs dangling, brushing the floor ever so lightly. Surely, this was an older photo too, the man in the picture was a wisp, with a child-sized body, and smallish sneakers. He had told her he was short, and of course, she paid this no heed. Her lovers and boyfriends alike were of varying shapes and sizes...height made no difference to her. Her weakness was glaring, though it had nothing to do with physical attributes...she was a sucker for a songwriter. So she forgot about the photos, because, well,

Randall wrote songs.

Perhaps this is why she overlooked his barrage of excuses every time she asked to meet him. First, he wasn’t feeling well. Then, a bad day, a crummy mood. Sometimes he had to bring his dogs to the vet, his sister to work, his grandmother to the doctor. It was always something new and just sensical enough to keep her from questioning him. 

One night, they were speaking on the phone (the most involved form of interaction they had experienced thus far), and the question came up again, “Let me just come over, yeah? You don’t have to worry about anything, we don’t even have to go anywhere...could we just watch a movie?”

    “Michelle, you’re like my O.S., it’s like that movie, ‘Her’, you know? If you’re real, it’ll ruin it. We have a cool time talking on the phone and online, can’t you just stay virtual?”

    He said all this with a glimmer of laugh in his feminine and nasal-driven voice, daring her to push harder.

    “What if you see how hideous I am and don’t want to be friends anymore?”

She snorted at this statement, tickled at the notion of a man feeling insecure in this manner. 

    “That’s not gonna happen, goof, I know what you look like” she said, all the while considering his photos...maybe she didn’t know? 

    The next day, he messaged her. 

        “Have you ever seen Brokeback Mountain?” it read.

        “No...that the gay cowboy movie?”

        “Yeah, dude. It’s one of my favorites. Come over tonight and watch it with me. I promise I won't flake”

Michelle was as nervous as she was excited. She couldn’t help but think Randall was hiding something about his appearance, or lifestyle, or something. There had to be a reason he was so reluctant to meet her. Her mutual friends with him talked about Randall as if he didn’t even exist in real life. Like he was just holed up in his room, the hermit of Cohoes-- who was charismatic and smart. It just didn’t make it any sense.

    She got dressed, and anxiously set off to meet him.

------------

Michelle entered the house, drawing her hands to her face in shock as she opened the door and processed what was before her. The house looked abandoned...white walls stood barren, lined with dust and dog hair, spiderwebs clung to every corner. She turned to her left and saw an unfurnished living room. To the right was a kitchen, looking equally unused and dusty, the only appliances- an old microwave and a milkshake machine. Bizarre. This was bizarre. 

The murmur of a television came from a door a few feet away, and she cautiously pushed it open.

From the large bed in the center of the room, she heard a wry “hey cute”, that sounded like it came from 100 feet away. Michelle stepped forward, and saw the smallest, roundest head peeking out from the folds of a blanket-- like a pea, in a much-too-large pod. 

Her eyes scanned the rest of the room, she saw a plastic dresser of sorts, literally exploding with bills of various sizes. She could see hundreds scattered on the floor, on the desk against his wall, wads of cash strewn about like candy wrappers. It was a hoard of money. 

    Randall lay on his back, arms by his sides, lily-white palms facing the ceiling like a corpse. His body was shockingly small, like those children in St. Jude commercials: muscles atrophied, trembling slightly, skin soft and pale from lack of movement and fresh air. His skinny white arm came out from beneath the covers, outstretched, asking for a hug, and a smile slowly spread across his small and spherical face.

“Woooow…” Michelle said haltingly, “it’s like...cool to finally meet you...finally…”

She sat down on the edge of the bed, rejecting his advance, a big black dog stirred and then settled. 

“Randall...are you like, sick?” she asked.

    “No, it’s just my body. It’s small and useless, my mom drank when she was pregnant,” he quipped, as if it were a joke.

It wasn’t a joke, Michelle thought, look at this guy.

She slowly lowered her body onto his bed, feeling a nervousness she had only felt in hospitals and special education classrooms. 

Her limbs were tense, terrified of crushing his body beneath her. His body that barely made an impression beneath the bedding, comically tiny amidst the queen size mattress. Michelle inched closer to him, forgetting her fears about Randall’s fragile form, succumbing to the advances of this lawn jockey she was so fascinated by. 

His palm caressed her leg, moving down from her foot to her ass, miniature fingers hooked into her leggings and began to pull them lower. 

Michelle raised her hips, allowing her pants to come down more, exposing her thick cafe au lait colored thighs, and a pair of what she considered were her “sexy” lace panties.

“Hah!” Those underwear are awful, they look like something my grandmother would wear.” He wheezed with laughter.

    “What the FUCK”, Michelle yelped, stunned that the intimate time they were having was interrupted by such a comment. Randall looked confused, but a grin still lingered on his lips. A self satisfied expression. She couldn’t handle it. 

Grabbing the tv remote from his Lilliputian hand, she threw it across the room, eyes welling with tears. 

    “Screw you, what the fuck kinda man says that to a girl?”

    Michelle began putting her coat on, not the type to be insulted by anybody; especially horrified that this infantile dwarf would try her.

Randall groaned a high-pitched sound of distress, like a creaking floorboard. “Dude! The Devils are playing in 15 minutes!” He peeled the covers off of his weak, pale body. Gripping the edge of his mattress, he dragged his useless skinny legs onto the floor with a thump, and began a demented army crawl across the room, like something from a horror film. 

Michelle zipped up her boot with one hand, bending down and snatching the remote off of the floor, before Randall could heave his pathetic body any closer. She put it atop the door jamb, unreachable to the invalid before her.

Randall slapped the hardwood with his soft small hand. Collapsing into a puddle of freckles and tattoos. He loosely gripped Michelle’s ankle as she started to leave, and looked up at her with those big blue eyes,

    “Hey...fuck...” he let out in an asthmatic whisper, “you...my man.”

                The end.

[adhdo5]

can you give a basic overview of ur o5s? i love them but i dont know what's going on

OH yes absolutely!!!! I kinda stole them from the wiki dossier and went “free real estate” and now they’re my children. Details under the cut bc holy shit it’s long

O5-1 - the Founder!! Shitty gay Ukranian cultist too stubborn to die. Still Gears’ dad. Still old as fuck. At least 95% robot. Wears his robe of rags and bones and lives in the basement of Site 01 in his “life support” sarcophagus. Practicing Mekhanite. Also, practicing recluse. Originated Foundation culture of Work 25 Hours a Day and Never Sleep, and also of O5 Council Hubris. Does large-scale admin, technological infrastructure, and containment design. My favorite bastard. 

O5-2 - the Nazarene!! Literally Jesus, with the scars to prove it. Also Sophia Light. Council wine mom. Exhausted. Martyr complex, but knows it’s ineffectual. Holds the brain cell when Three doesn’t have it. Makes bread. Helped found the Foundation. Distributes Fountain water and does timeline stability. Not as developed as I’d like her

O5-3 - the Philosopher Scientist!! Man who sent a lot of HR emails in his youth grew up and decided to actually do something about it. Started the Ethics Committee and psych department mostly-singlehandedly saved the Foundation after the Chaos Insurgency Shitstorm of 1924-1930. Holds the brain cell when Two doesn’t have it. Told You So. Known for throwing his support behind measures he’s previously opposed so that he and the Committee can get involved and carry it out in the least unethical way possible. Still in charge of scip and personnel welfare. Massive projection character 

O5-4 - the Ambassador!! Koori Australian by ethnicity, Canadian by nationality, enigma by trade. Does terrible card tricks. Does parkour. Cannot fast travel when enemies are nearby. Distinguished chaotic. Runs PR and is basically corporate Twitter for the Foundation. Very good at being disorienting, which has led to rumors of reality bending and/or anomalous charisma. Gets kidnapped a lot. A meme taken completely seriously. Has an aesthetic, not an identity. Thinking 50 things at the same time. Professional Stepford smiler. So fun to write and I love him 

O5-5 - To March Forward!! Formerly Manifest Destiny. Got in with a very bad crowd (the ASCI) before getting yeeted to the Council. Very aggressive. Very short-tempered. Incredibly easily bored. Usually seen in either tactical gear or late-1800s period clothing, and also heavy plastic glasses. Essentially a wolverine that’s been stuffed into a three-piece suit. Support fodder for Council hubris. Ready to fight at all times. Oversees specific projects/technological advances, as well as military/wartime tactics. Originally intended as a throwaway but is too fun to write  

(Getting shoved into the water by Teeth; Teeth is getting held back by Nazzie; Bureaucrat is just out of frame to the left)

O5-6 - Cowboy!! The man the Mikell the legend. 6 feet 5 inches of Council dumbass. Owns debating boots. Cannot and will not pay attention in meetings. Probably got promoted so the Council would have an easily swayable vote. On 300 layers of denial. Is in charge of security, R&C, dealing with hostile POI, and also wrangling personnel. Oldest muse

O5-7 - Teeth!! Eldritch entity, manifests as very tall, very bony Chinese person in human form. Very good and also very terrifying. Also helped found the Foundation. Care very much about the cause, especially since they directly see the effects and the efficacy. Kinda a wild card, except not really. Run the Foundation through proxies just in case. Do reality warding and stabilization, extraplanar negotiations, and other fun things. Second oldest muse, and one I wanna get back into writing 

O5-8 - the Lesser!! Made one (1) mistake and since has been the Council disgrace. You destroy one site… Is essentially the backup one that the Council tosses everything they don’t want to deal with on. Second-least developed muse. 

(Hiding behind Cowboy; to the right are Outsider in green and Philosopher exhausted. Ambassador and Founder are out of frame to the left and right respectively)

O5-9 - the Outsider!! Rock lady who was disgraced in the scientific community after she started researching the anomalous, but kept working on her unified theory undeterred anyway. Hired directly from the outside for the theory, and disappearance easily covered up. Touch Tone Telephone vibes. Has been better since joining the Foundation and has probably adjusted better than expected… though that may be because she’s, ironically enough, not fully cognizant of some of the shadier stuff that surrounded her promotion. Runs research, stats analysis, and continues work on her unified theory; also serves as The Cute One. She’s great to write she’s just so valid

O5-10 - the Archivist!! Paperwork cynicism lesbian. An enabler, and also a source of terrible good ideas. Rarely has hot takes, but when she does, they’re very spicy, and have led to some intense Council drama. Infamous for the Gatorade Rice incident. Cynical, deadpan, good at hiding the fact that she’s a massive instigator of Council hubris.��Also lives at Site 01 and usually sends her body double to go outside. Runs infosec and archival duties, especially eschatological. A muse that’s always been moderately active but has recently been doing New Fun Things

O5-11 - the Bureaucrat!! Low self esteem, mostly unearned. A not-insignificant amount of pent-up rage, but appreciates most of the Council, expect for Five (hates) and Twelve (it’s complicated). Studied the blade. Usually overlooked, which suits him fine. Big [REDACTED]. Does antimemetics, expungement, and occult integration, and has several projects both of his own and enabled for his coworkers. Least developed muse.

O5-12 - the Physician!! Archetypal mad scientist. Dislikes processing things verbally. Just here to have a good time. Loves his job. Generally left to do his own thing, though by no means excluded from the Council’s shenanigans. Another well of hubris. Majored in w. Spearheads amnestic/mnestic etc. development, medication, and Safe-class research, though also has some specific projects with much higher stakes. Not a very developed muse, but a great one.  

(Pictured with Outsider (left)) 

O5-13 - Tamlin!! Joseph Tamlin, our bastard. Ran away with AWCY? at least once. Hangs out with the Council for their hubris, because he herself is both detached from time and bound to he position as the arbiter of the timeline. Also helped found the Foundation. Wants you to come to her House. Enjoys hosting parties and also being an agent of chaos. Kind of a wild card despite the whole Bound To The House thing. Believes in the value of art. Just overall a great guy to hang out with. Does timeline stability, metaphysics, narrative coherency, and miscellanea. Very fun and generally very forthcoming as a muse

(Gets two pictures because he’s just that great. Pictured below w/ a younger Founder (right))

[beatlejuice64]

Destiel: Season 5 - A catalog of Supernatural episodes

A catalog of each episode in Supernatural that features scenes related to Destiel. This includes scenes between Dean and Castiel, scenes with other characters that address their relationship with each other, and scenes that allude to Dean’s bisexuality.

Season 5 Summary Analysis:

Castiel is frustrated that his rebellion against heaven to help Dean ended in failure. He spends time with Dean while Sam is away and they become close friends. Cas develops a strong respect and affinity for Dean, and he resents that Dean gives in to his fate after trying so hard to help prevent it from happening. Cas takes Dean’s resignation as a personal slight and acts like a spurned lover. Throughout the season, Dean exhibits slightly homophobic behavior, especially with regard to Cas. 

My interpretation: Cas has developed unrequited romantic feelings for Dean. Dean cannot reciprocate because he’s still closeted about his bisexuality, and he’s hyper focused on saving the world, not on his personal happiness.

5.01 Sympathy for the Devil 

Dean is bummed to find out Cas was killed by an archangel: “Cas, you stupid bastard.” 

Cas comes back and saves Sam and Dean from Zachariah, marking their ribs so that they’re hidden from angels. Dean is pleasantly surprised to see Cas again.

5.02 Good God, Y’all! 

Cas is back with renewed vigor because he feels like God is on his side. Cas is frustrated that Dean failed to stop Sam from raising Lucifer: “I killed two angels this week, my brothers. I’m hunted. I rebelled, and I did it—ALL of it—for you. And you failed. You and your brother destroyed the world, and I lost everything for nothing. So keep your opinions to yourself.” 

Dean lets Cas borrow his necklace to find God.

5.03 Free to Be You and Me 

Cas comes to Dean for help to find Raphael. They seem much closer than they were before, but there is some tension between them (possibly sexual?): “Cas, we’ve talked about this. Personal space.” 

Cas resents Dean’s thanklessness: “I need your help because you are the only one who’ll help me.” 

When Cas and Dean go visit the sheriff’s office, Dean fixes Castiel’s tie for him. Cas learns people skills from Dean as they’re on the case. 

Dean takes Cas to a brothel: “There are two things that I know for certain: One, Bert and Ernie are gay. Two, you are not gonna die a virgin, not on my watch.” 

Cas is very uncomfortable in the brothel and accidentally upsets a hooker. When they leave, Dean is cracking up: “It’s been a long time since I’ve laughed that hard. It’s been more than a long time—years.” 

Cas is upset to learn from Rafael that God’s not around. He also takes a page from Dean’s book and dishes some trash talk: “Today you’re MY little bitch.” 

Dean consoles Cas: “There were times when I was looking for my dad when all logic said that he was dead. But I knew in my heart that he was still alive. Who cares what some ninja turtle says, Cas. What do you believe?” 

Cas makes sure Dean is ok before leaving. Dean appreciates having someone to connect with other than his brother: “I’ve had more fun with you in the past 24 hours than I’ve had with Sam in years, and you’re not that much fun.” 

5.04 The End 

Castiel waits four hours by the side of a road so Dean can sleep: “I’ll just... wait here, then.” 

Zachariah sends Dean 5 years into a dystopian future where Dean never said yes to Michael. Future Dean is a hardened soldier. Future Cas is a hippie sex guru. The two appear to have a history of closeness: “I thought you’d gotten over trying to label me.” 

Future Cas laughs at past Dean’s sarcasm: “What? I like past you.” 

Future Cas seems to butt heads with future Dean but goes along with his plans anyway (possible because they have built up trust over time). 

Past Dean calls out future Dean for lying to his people and singles out Cas: “You mean you’re gonna feed your friends into a meat grinder? Cas, too?” 

Back in the past, the waiting Cas grabs Dean right before Zachariah can get him. Dean is glad to see him: “Don’t ever change.”

5.06 I Believe the Children Are Our Future 

Cas wants to kill the antichrist, Jesse, but Sam and Dean want to help him. Cas tries to kill Jesse and gets turned into a plastic toy. Dean asks Jesse to return him to normal: “Truth is, he’s kind of a buddie of mine. Is there any way you could turn him back? He’s a good guy. He was just confused.”

5.08 Changing Channels 

Dean fanboys over Dr. Sexy, MD. He seems to have a crush on Dr. Sexy, even moreso than Dr. Piccolo or Dr. Wang. He knows everything about the character, including what kind of shoes he wears: “I swore part of what makes Dr. Sexy sexy, is the fact that he wears cowboy boots, not tennis shoes.” 

Dean forces Gabriel to release Cas: “Cas, are you ok?”

5.11 Sam, Interrupted 

Dean talks with a therapist (who is actually in his head) and we find out he’s never been in a long-term relationship (more than 2 months).

5.13 The Song Remains the Same 

Cas meets with Anna on behalf of the Winchesters to protect them from her. Cas regrets turning her in. Anna comments on his determination to protect the Winchesters: “You’ve changed.” “Maybe too late, but I have.” 

Cas sends the Winchesters back in time at great personal risk to himself. 

Dean demonstrates faith in Cas: “He’ll wake up. He’s, you know, tough for a little nerdy dude with wings.”

5.14 My Bloody Valentine 

Dean is “not feeling it this year” for picking up a girl on Valentine’s Day, and Sam is concerned: “It’s when a dog doesn’t eat. That’s when you know something’s really wrong.” 

Dean calls Cas and they just stand there staring at each other for a minute. 

The naked Cupid makes Dean feel uncomfortable, but he can’t stop checking him out. 

Famine causes Cas to start eating burgers and Sam to crave demon blood. Dean is amused by Cas’s hamburger eating and calls him the hamburglar. Cas comments on Dean’s lack of hunger: “You’re saying you’re just well-adjusted?” “God no. I’m just well-fed.” 

Famine doesn’t affect Dean because he’s given up on life and feels dead inside. Cas tries to comfort Dean when they lock Sam in Bobby’s panic room for detox: “You know, it’s not him in there, not really.” 

5.16 Dark Side of the Moon 

Sam and Dean are killed and sent to heaven. Cas guides them to Joshua, and he is extra touchy when talking to Dean. 

Cas is upset to learn that God has left and returns Dean’s necklace. Dean throws the necklace away because he‘s lost faith in his brother.

5.17 99 Problems 

Cas shows up drunk because he’s despondent about God’s absence. Dean gives Cas some pain pills for his hangover, and he commiserates with Cas: “I’ve been there. I’m a big expert on deadbeat dads, so yeah, I get it. I know how you feel.” “How do you manage it?” “On a good day you get to kill the Whore [of Babylon].” 

5.18 Point of No Return 

Dean decides to say yes to Michael, but Sam and Cas stop him. Cas is pissed off that Dean would do this and keeps glaring at him: “Maybe they wrongly assumed Dean would be brave enough to withstand them.” “Alright, you know what? Blow me, Cas.” 

Cas brings Adam to Bobby’s, and they stick Dean in the panic room. Dean seems surprised at how angry Cas is and taunts him with a wink: “Cas, not for nothin’, but the last person who looked at me like that, I got laid.”

Dean says he’s tired and doesn’t believe in Sam. When Cas goes to talk to him, Dean blows him away with the blood sigil and escapes. When Cas finds Dean, he beats him up in an alley: “I rebelled for this? So that you could surrender to them? I gave everything for you, and this is what you give to me?” 

Dean taunts Cas to kill him, but Cas doesn’t. When Dean comes to, he’s still irreverent: “Word to the wise, don’t piss off the nerd angels.”

Sam tells Dean he believes in him. Cas continues to verbally burn Dean, and Dean looks visibly taken aback by it: “You’re gonna take on 5 angels?” “Yes.” “Isn’t that suicide?” “Maybe it is, but then I won’t have to watch you fail. Sorry, Dean. I don’t have the same faith in you that Sam does.” 

Cas carves a sigil into his chest to help Sam and Dean save Adam. Dean ends up not saying yes because he didn’t want to let Sam down.

5.21 Two Minutes to Midnight 

Cas apologizes to Dean for being so hard on him: “You are not the burnt and broken shell of a man that I believed you to be.” 

Cas saves the Winchesters from Pestilence, despite having lost his powers. Cas is super bummed that most of his powers are gone, but he believes in the Winchesters: “You and Dean have a habit of exceeding my expectations. He resisted Michael. Maybe you could resist Lucifer.”

5.22 Swan Song 

Cas falls asleep in the back seat and Dean comments: “Aw, ain’t he a little angel.” 

After Lucifer gets away, Cas and Bobby are fatalistic and Dean refuses to accept it. When Dean heads for the cemetery, Cas is concerned: “I just want you to understand. The only thing that you’re gonna see out there is Michael killing your brother.” “Well then I ain’t gonna let him die alone.” 

Cas is inspired by Dean’s love for Sam and shows up to help: “Hey, assbutt!” 

After Sam jumps in the pit, Cas heals Dean and Dean says, “Cas, are you God?” “That’s a nice compliment, but no. Although I do believe he brought me back, new and improved.” 

Dean asks Cas what he’s gonna do now: “Return to heaven, I suppose. With Michael in the cage, I’m sure it’s total anarchy up there.” “So, what? You’re the new sheriff in town?” “I like that, yeah. I suppose I am.” “Wow. God gives you a brand new shiny set of wings and suddenly you’re his bitch again.” “I don’t know what God wants. I don’t know if he’ll even return. It just seems like the right thing to do.” “Well, if you do see him, tell him I’m coming for him next.” 

Dean is angry, but Cas tries to help him see the situation as a success and reminds him what it was all for: “He helped. Maybe even more than we realize.” “That’s easy for you to say—he brought you back. But what about Sam? What about me, huh? Where’s my grand prize? All I got is my brother in a hole.” “You got what you asked for, Dean. No paradise, no hell. Just more of the same. I mean it, Dean. What would you rather have? Peace or freedom?”

[almaasi]

Thank you SO MUCH to the 2,000 people subscribed to me on AO3 (and my 10,000 followers on tumblr)!!!

Thank you for your endless kindness, and every comment ever sent my way. Thank you for getting excited about what I make. You’re all wonderful.

In celebration, here’s some art, which is based on a dream I had the other day. Plus!! Under the read-more: A fic rec of people’s favourite 15 stories, which you guys voted for in my recent survey. ♥

★ A list of the many ways YOU can support my writing and art !!

★ All my Destiel fics on AO3

★ Subscribe on THIS PAGE to get an email when I post a few fic~

Top Voted Destiel fics (written by @almaasi​)

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Try-Something Tuesday · 48k · NC-17

Human AU. Dean Winchester teaches a third-grade class. He’s new to this whole ‘bisexual’ thing - but by pure happenstance, he meets Castiel: a particularly dapper male librarian who moonlights as a substitute teacher. Dean’s curious and Castiel is willing, so why the hell not? Except, fate never intended it to be one-time-only…

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Of Shampoo and Fruit Flies · 17.6k · M

Dean’s roommate is not what anyone would call ordinary. Cas is asexual, and autistic, and he frustrates other people with his unrelentingly ‘childish’ ways – but it’s different with Dean: they have an exceptional bond, something truly profound. Dean figures Cas wouldn’t respond to the idea of a crush the way most people would, so he has no intention of telling him he’s been harbouring non-platonic feelings for him for years. Then one night everything falls to pieces: Cas overhears something he wasn’t meant to hear. Things were never normal between the two of them, but now they might never be comfortable again.

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Note to Self: Cas Loves You · 3.4k · T

Dean is not just drunk – he is VERY drunk. Castiel ushers him back to their motel room, completely aware that by the time Dean wakes up tomorrow, he won’t remember anything about tonight. What better time for Castiel to confess his love?

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Sam Accidentally Sees the Whole Picture · 10.4k · NC-17

Sam’s been through a lot lately, what with tonight’s hunt rendering his skin an aching shade of purple and all. He can deal with Dean being overly concerned about Cas’ broken finger, and - God help him - he puts up with the sound of their preposterously soppy love confessions and first kisses on the adjacent bed. But he cannot be expected to remain silent and feign sleep throughout the entire duration of their first-ever lovemaking session. He just can’t. Especially not, because it seems apparent that Cas is more intent on deflowering himself than letting Dean do it.

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A Postcard for Castiel · 4.7k · G

The teacher assigns a buddy to all the children in her first-grade class. Everyone writes their buddy a postcard, giving them a compliment. Dean is supposed to write something for Castiel, the mysterious autistic kid in the corner – but he doesn’t hand anything in. Does he have nothing to say? Or does he have too much to say?

p.S. will you Be my Boyfrend ?

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Dean’s List · 3.3k · T

Dean writes out a list of men he would go gay for. Sam has a suggestion to make.

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Understanding Your Body in Ten Easy Steps · 12.2k · NC-17

All Dean has to do is track down a decent porno for Cas to watch, help him find his sensitive spots, then hang back and let him do his thing. Easy-peasy. No homo. …Absolutely no homo at all.

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Welcome All Winchesters · 60.2k · NC-17

When Dean’s engagement breaks off three days before Christmas, he’s left with nobody to accompany him on a road trip to his family’s mountain log cabin. His best friend Castiel happens to be available, and is willing to help him through a tough time. But when Dean’s mother and brother arrive, expecting to meet the person Dean plans to marry, they understandably assume Castiel is Dean’s fiancé. After a weekend of comfortable domesticity, sharing clothes, intimate conversations, and definitely-one-time-only therapy sex, it feels almost too easy for Dean and Cas to fake a loving, romantic relationship. The hard part is going back to being friends afterwards. They can’t keep their hands off each other, and they’ve discovered some fun things to do together which they’d never tell another soul about. And, oh boy, feelings. Now being ‘just friends’ is so impossible, it seems as if fate had another plan for them all along…

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Snow Place Like Home (But My Home Is With You) · 47.8k · NC-17

It’s Christmas Eve, and Dean, Sam and Castiel are snowed into a small town with a big festive spirit. They splurge on a fancy room in a B&B – hey, they deserve a treat. There’s a tiny plastic tree and a working TV, so they could perhaps overlook the lack of hot water and Dean having to bunk with Sam. Sleeping arrangements soon reach a happier equilibrium: Dean’s just cuddling Cas to keep him warm, he swears – the tingly feeling means nothing! Christmas Day arrives, and Cas still doesn’t have a gift for Dean. Dean doesn’t know what to give Cas, either. Sam has a few ideas, but will the other two truly understand what he means?

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Love Him in His Sleep (Love Him Always) · 32.7k · NC-17

After Cas banishes Dean’s nightmares, Dean starts to have wet dreams… about being cuddled. When he wakes, he’s sticky and aroused - and he loves it. Oh, he loves it a lot. Castiel, meanwhile, is struggling with his own descent into the murky waters of human morality. How is he supposed to explore all these new lustful feelings if Dean insists on keeping him at arm’s length?

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Cowboys and Real Estate Angels · 36.8k · NC-17

Castiel crosses paths with the ever-charming Dean Winchester at a rodeo show in Texas, of all places. Dean’s singing days are long bygone, but his crowd-pleasing skills haven’t waned one iota. Unexpectedly, Castiel finds himself in Dean’s bedroom; they take and they give, and discover that sometimes strangers can find love like this, too. (And if a man’s faith can’t be put in God, it needs to go somewhere…)

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Nine Times We Met (And One Christmas We Parted · 58.4k · NC-17

On the last day of school before Christmas vacation, Mr. Castiel Quinn discovers that one of his young students has smuggled male pornography into the classroom. Upon being told that the photos belong to the boy’s uncle, Castiel vows to himself that he will keep the other man’s preferences a secret. It’s 1947; a man experiencing attraction to another man or fantasising about his sexual touch are transgressive faults, which could potentially result in imprisonment - or worse. But then the uncle walks in. The photos are of him: Dean Winchester, a rogue with an empty pocket and a child to feed. Castiel doesn’t know it yet, but his life is never going to be the same again. Years pass between chance meetings, but even though they live their lives apart, Dean and Castiel’s story is proof that absence truly does make the heart grow fonder.

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Angelhawke · 407k · NC-17

A Dean/Cas Fantasy-Drama AU, set in a medieval world where two men are separated by a curse: every sunrise and sunset, both are eternally bound to transform into animals. Every night when darkness falls, Dean Winchester becomes a wolf, and his human mind is lost until the dawn. As the sun rises, his lover Castiel becomes a hawk. Their story has been the same for five years - until the day that a young thief named Sam stumbles into their twisted lives. Without even realising it, he becomes a part of their destiny, their paths entwined in prophecy and fate. Together with a few old friends, they set off on a journey to break the curse, but it won’t be easy. To pass the time, Dean and Castiel take turns to recount their past to Sam, narrating the tale of how they met, how they formed their profound bond, and how they found themselves wanting what no man should ever want: the touch of another man.

‘Angelhawke’ is a saga of forbidden love, friendship, and magic - but above all, family. Partially based on the 1985 movie ‘Ladyhawke’.

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Sharing the Rain Dog · 19.8k · M

When some asshole hits a dog with his car and drives off, the first two people on the scene are Dean and Castiel. Castiel’s an FBI agent with a plane to catch, and he doesn’t have time to take the dog to the vet. Dean’s a musician, and he doesn’t have the money. An agreement is reached: Dean goes, Castiel pays, and they’ll exchange details and meet again to work things out. But who gets the dog? Sooner or later they’re going to realise that having shared custody of one pitbull isn’t ideal. She needs one home, not two. One stable, loving home…

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Our Garden Home · 36.3k · G

Flower fairy Dean has caught a thief in his trap. As it turns out, it wasn’t a mouse stealing his food. It was Castiel: a hissy, bitey bat sprite with one wing and a forlorn, lonely heart. Dean offers a warm space in his nest, where Castiel can stay until Springtime comes around again. However, Castiel becomes more than just a guest. With a little effort, he helps make Dean’s nest a home.

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[thalia-amongst-the-thorns]

Yet Another OC Ask Game

You know the drill; questions from this post, requested by @all-made-of-stardust, let’s do-it to-it!

#squad: who’s friends with who? what are the squad dynamics like? #SquadGoals: Sasha and Marcos are easily the closest of the group, each feeding off of the other’s energetic, outgoing personalities. They enjoy hanging out and goofing off in costume and out of costume, have lots of inside jokes, and just get each other as extroverts. Also, bonding over getting the rest of the group out of their comfort zones. #ScienceBros: Raiqah and Marcos as cool science buds, the ones the group turns to for technical expertise. Marcos’s big brother instincts kick into high gear whenever he’s with Raiqah, encouraging and attentive listening when she gets shy, and for her part Raiqah recognizes the highly intelligent mind concealed behind Marcos’s doofy puns and wisecracks that people tend not to take seriously. #CoffeeAndChill: Mae and Angie get each other as the “responsible ones” and enjoy just talking about life and mundane things. They each see the other as someone they can be completely honest with, who will listen and empathize and care. Also, Mae thinks Angie’s coolly sardonic, and Angie appreciates Mae’s honesty and compassion. #BashBros: Daniel and Ed, much to Ed’s surprise, get pretty close over time. Like everyone else, Ed acts as the straight man to balance out Daniel’s eccentric nature, and Daniel easily sees past Ed’s stoic façade and views him as a valuable member of his pack. And as a member of his pack, Ed should have the skills to defend himself, and both of them have a lot of fun bonding over Daniel teaching Ed how to kick ass and being s boss battle duo. Plus, Ed appreciates that Daniel doesn’t try to get deep with him; they punch people and Daniel doesn’t try to make him divulge any deep dark secrets.

microscope: zoom in – describe the little, insignificant details about an OC. While Marcos’s sense of fashion is atrocious, at least it is entertainingly so. His closet is bursting with florescent Hawaiian shirts, cargo shorts, and socks that you can bet your first born on will be worn with sandals. Perhaps the absurdity of dress is meant to embrace the absurdity of his body; skinny arms and legs, a soft middle, and a long face with a knobby chin complete with a soft fuzz that could generously be referred to as a mustache. Adding a bit of whimsy is the noticeable gap between his front teeth, good for whistling and catching stray bits of food.

fragrance: what do your OCs smell like? As identified by Daniel; Mae smells like fresh dirt, sweat, and pine. Sasha like the charge of static, bubblegum, and shea butter. Marcos like sweat, burnt wires, and paprika. Ed like hair gel and fabric, a noticeable lack of a “human” smell. Raiqah like lavender oil, old paper, and plastic. Nobody like blood, street grime, and gunpowder. Angie like coffee, nail polish, and leather. 

photo album: describe one of your OCs’ favorite memories. The first time Ed picked up a guitar; the feel of the smooth curve of the guitar in Ed’s too small hands, the sting as his soft kid fingers plucked at the string which vibrated wildly. The squeal of static through the speaker, both startling and thrilling. Nerves jangling, eager to translate the twitching of his hands into music that’ll blow peoples’ minds and set their souls on fire.

mixtape: 5 songs that describe your OC(s) or songs they themselves would like. Ed likes anything by Queen, Guns N’ Roses, Led Zeppelin, AC/DC, anything that falls into the rock category that his parents would absolutely loathe. 

wardrobe: what’s your OC(s) style like? Mae: honest farm girl with lots of denim and flannel button ups. Also, cowboy boots. Daniel: Clothes are overrated/did you pull that out of the trash? Ed: Professional intern who secretly wants to be a rock star Angie: Supreme Goth-Punk Goddess. Marcos: Nerdy and Unironically Hideous. Sasha: Bright, tight, should be out on the boardwalk. Raiqah: Conservative librarian. Nobby: Probably stole it out of a goodwill bin.

lightning: who’s the most impulsive character? and who is their impulse control? Daniel and Sasha no question, impulse control provided by Mae and Ed.

ufo: identity! what are some key identifying qualities or traits of your OC(s)? how to they identify in regards to gender/sexuality? Mae: Female and asexual, a moderator with a side of fighter. Daniel: Male and straight, a lover and a fighter. Nobby: Female, asexual and aromantic, a fighter and a fighter. Angie: Female and bisexual, a moderator Sasha: Non-binary and pansexual, a lover Marcos: Male and gay, a joker and an inventor Raiqah: Female and pansexual, an inventor and introvert Ed: Male and questioning, a loner and introvert

love note: who likes who? crushes? relationships? are they mutual or unrequited? Sasha likes Ed, eventually reciprocated in a relationship. Daniel likes Mae, eventually reciprocated in a relationship. Raiqah had a brief crush on Ed and Sasha. Angie had a crush on Mae and Daniel. Pursued the relationship with Daniel, not long term.

poison: vices/bad habits? what are they? how do they affect your OC? Daniel: Just forgetting to be a human, both physically and mentally. From a young age his powers have basically merged his thoughts with every animal in his vicinity to the point where Daniel doesn’t see himself as a human: he’s an animal, plain and simple, and prefers in that way. As such, he tends to just talk out loud to any animal he comes across, exhibits animalistic behavior (grooming, growling, etc.), sometimes partially shapeshifting in front of regular people, walking on all fours, etc. Also, shapeshifting = loss of clothes, so Daniel has a habit of just. Being naked. He doesn’t care and doesn’t get why people make a big deal out of it. All this tends to make people think Daniel’s just straight up crazy and be a bit wary of him. Angie: Identifying “rotten” souls and being forced to possess them so that Palivāńkum may see justice carried through, which usually boils down to “let’s shatter their minds and rip out their souls”. This was led to Angie isolating herself to avoid Palivāńkum carrying through with this, at the sacrifice of her friends, family, and any semblance of a normal life.

compass: who’s the moral compass? in general: what are your OCs’ morality like? do they have high morals, or not? are their morals self imposed, or do they base their morals on religion/family/influence of others? Mae’s a pretty good moral compass for the group as a whole, very a much “be kind but take no shit” personality to balance out Raiqah’s blind trust in people/fear of violence and Ed’s tendency to seek retribution/revenge against villains. I guess her morality could fall into “self-imposed”, but Mae doesn’t really “choose” morality, it’s just who she is as a person. There’s probably a bit of influence from her dad in Mae’s ability to offer an open hand before her fist. That said, most of the group is fairly highly moral (superheroes, ya know?), though Nobby and Angie deviate significantly.

track & field: which (if any) of your OCs are athletic? what sports to they play? which of your OCs would go HARD in P.E.? Daniel, with an added edge from his powers (the strength of a bear, athleticism of a wolf, ect.). Originally his aunt encouraged him to try out for various teams in middle school, hoping he’d make friends and put all his excess energy to use. Took about three months for Daniel to get banned from all team sports. That said, he always went hard as hell in P.E., though his aunt had to coach him in toning it back so that people didn’t pick up on his powers. Mae is also quite athletic; besides the general physical skill it takes to run a farm, she has ten years of boxing and kickboxing experience (and a four-year state championship title) and jogs daily. Also hardcore about P.E. Sasha is the most overtly athletic; 12 years of gymnastics, numerous county and state titles to her name (and one runner up for the national levels), and she loves to show of her moves and flexibility, both in and outside of battle. P.E. is one of her favorite courses. Nobby’s no slouch herself, though less from classes or sports and more fighting for her life on the streets.

parachute: who does your OC(s) trust the most? who makes them feel safe? who would they do absolutely anything for? Mae trusts the whole team (Ed, Marcos, Sasha, Raiqah, and Daniel) and Angie, feels safe around Daniel and Angie. She would to absolutely anything for the group/to keep anyone safe. Everyone (minus Nobby for the most part) basically feels safe and trusts Mae and would do what she says because they trust her judgement. It’s why they made her the leader.

conspiracy theory: what are your OC’s beliefs? are they skeptics or do they believe easily? who acts on blind faith? who needs to see to believe? Marcos, Mae (Catholics), and Raiqah (Muslim) are the most traditionally religious of the group. Mae’s a bit skeptical, but Marcos and especially Raiqah are very devote. 

Acts on blind faith: Raiqah, Sasha, Daniel, Marcos, Mae

See to believe: Ed, Angie, Nobby Marcos is also a conspiracy theory nut. Honestly, in a world of people with laser vision and zombie cyborgs, why isn’t everybody?

zodiac: what’s their sign? does it influence their personality? do they care about astrology? The quickest answer is no, their sign doesn’t influence their personality any more than me deliberately giving them birthdays/signs to purposely fit their personalities would. Sasha and Marcos care about astrology, Sasha because it’s fun to figure out who loves who/gets along/etc. based on their signs and Marcos because his mom does too and raised him right (if slightly superstitious).

spellbook: are any of your OC(s) supernatural? if so, what are they/what are their abilities? Angie, the symbol of the forgotten deity Palivāńkum burned into her flesh marking her as their only (reluctant) follower and granted the honor of being The Vessel for what remains of Palivāńkum’s presence. Palivāńkum graciously bestows The Vessel with the ability to possess people via touch. An all-consuming possession in which Angie’s soul leaves her body and takes over the victim, gaining full access to the person’s memories and abilities. That full access also allows Angie (and by extension, Palivāńkum) to alter a person’s mind as she/they wish; erasing memories, implanting impossibly real ones, or maybe just good old-fashioned psychic feedback for all eternity. Even though her main abilities really are limited by touch, Palivāńkum usually tries to maintain a psychic probe at all times, which gives Angie a bit of low-level telepathy that keys in on nearby peoples’ emotions. Less a security measure and more a means for Palivāńkum to locate new victims with rotten souls… This isn’t even getting into what Angie would be capable of is she allowed Palivāńkum to fully manifest which includes flaming wings, four arms, full on telepathy, manifesting her soul as a variety of weapons, and ripping souls out of bodies while shattering their minds so that all that remains is a withered husk.

contact: how does your OC(s) feel about touch/physical contact? are they affectionate? if so, how do they display affection to others? Cuddle bugs (hugging, intertwine fingers, hair mussing): Sasha, Daniel, Angie Hugs are good in moderation (brief hand squeezes and one arm hugs): Mae, Raiqah, Marcos Oh god get off me (touch at your own risk): Nobby, Ed

interiors: describe your OC(s) bedroom/home/or a place they consider “theirs”. what’s in it? do certain items have a special significance to your OC? The team end up forming a home base of sorts at an abandoned convenience store. It’s not much, but Marcos and Raiqah are able to connect them to the local power grid, mooch off some wi-fi, and get one of the coolers working again so they have snacks for late night patrols. Mae provided more boring necessities like first aid supplies and training equipment, and Sasha went to town outfitting the place with cheerful curtains and bean bag chairs because every secret hideout needs bean bag chairs, duh. Over time it really just becomes a place where they can hang out and be themselves without judgement. Marcos has a corner devoted to his mess (aka whatever hardware he’s currently tinkering with), Raiqah brings in obscure novels and a hotpot for tea, Ed suggles in some sheet music and an acoustic guitar.

hobby: what do they love? what captivates them? what are their passions? Mae: photography, her family and heritage, her friends and the great capacity for people to do good, being a superhero and protecting those who need help and teaching them how to keep helping themselves Daniel: His brothers and sisters, nature, his pack. Raiqah: Science and history, facts and innovation, music, STEM research, Allah. Marcos: His family, genre fiction, video games, computer science, living up to his dad’s memory Sasha: Her family and friends, being a superhero, gymnastics, all things cute and bright Ed: Hard rock and music, playing the guitar and singing Angie: Her family, punk rock, heavy metal, makeup/jewelry/clothes, documentary film Nobby: Revenge, weapons, fighting, her parents

psyche: what’s their head space like? do they have any mental illnesses? how do they process difficult or emotional situations? what are their coping mechanisms? Daniel’s head is a bit full, but he wouldn’t have it any other way. Generally easy going, it takes a lot to rile him up but his go to method to cope is just to turn into a wolf. Wolves process emotions much better than humans. Ed and Nobby definitely have some issues, most likely PTSD from their time being kidnapped and experimented on. While Ed copes by closing himself off and keeping his emotions locked away inside and loathing himself, Nobby lashes out at others so that they hurt just as much, if not more so, than she does as a means for her to exert control over them so that she doesn’t feel powerless again. Angie is also going through some heavy shit with her new maybe-deity roommate that’s lend to depressed and suicidal thoughts. She’s able to cope through conversations with Mae and Daniel, opening a dialogue with Palivāńkum, and by practicing mindfulness techniques that help her process and compartmentalize her feelings.

chess board: who is the most logical? or the schemer/planner? Raiqah, Mae, and Angie are fairly logical, but not to the degree of being separated from empathy. Marcos and Nobby are schemers, Marcos to pull pranks while Nobby’s definitely plotting how to take people out. Raiqah and Mae are the planners who have a checklist for every contingency.

shooting star: if your OC(s) could have one wish what would it be? Mae: For everyone to work together to make the world a healthier and happier place. Marcos: A billion dollars so he can treat his family right and go to whatever college he likes. Raiqah: World peace. Sasha: Three more wishes! Daniel: For all humans to have his powers and love his brothers and sisters as much as he does. Angie: Get rid of Palivāńkum forever and always. Nobby: Dr. Rajinder in front of her, bond and helpless.

wild card: talk about any OC! anything you want! Speed Round Battle Royale Who Beats Who! Daniel would be defeated by Raiqah containing him in a force field (nonviolent, which Raiqah would prefer, and assuming there are no animals nearby Daniel could get to gang up on her) or by Mae having the earth swallow him up and restraining him (again, preferably with his head exposed for a non-violent solution). Potentially Ed could just punch Daniel out with his superior super strength, bit harder to judge his Daniel the more skilled technical fighter. Mae could be defeated by Angie possessing her (would require a bit of sneaking on Angie’s part, but not impossible) or having Sasha blast her from a distance with obscene amounts of cosmic radiation that with enough force cut through rock. Sasha could be defeated by Angie possessing her, physically being overpowered by Ed or Mae (both are better at close quarters combat than her), or being contained in a force field by Raiqah till Sasha used up all her energy. Marcos could be defeated by Angie possessing him (there’s a pattern here…) or getting blinded by Sasha releasing a solar flare so he couldn’t see where to teleport and than bashing him on the head. Ed could be possessed by Angie (surprise), or physically restrained by Daniel, Raiqah, or Mae. Raiqah could be punched out by anyone, why would you though??? Angie could be physically subdued by Daniel (the only one her powers don’t work on), contained via Raiqah’s force field or Mae wrapping her in earth so she couldn’t touch anyone, or blasted from a distance by Sasha. Nobby could be possessed by Angie (honestly the worst plan but it’d work) or physically restrained by Mae or Raiqah again so she couldn’t fight back.

[qupids]

 plotting call / character re-intro .    ( because sometimes you go on month long hiatus and emotionally. die.)     +   like  4 a starter.

re-introducing. manon gwynn. professional liar, stealer of hearts, and the basis for tinkerbell from peter pan (1953).

25 / biggest fucking gemini / mutant fairy / 5′10 / magenta eyes & plum hair  big fan of tarot & dancing -- great at blowing bubblegums former x-man turned  white collar thief turned borderline x-men again & also bartender @ karma klub more insecurity complexes than friends; wants to be the best like no one ever was.

kin list: gina linetti. tinkerbell. sailor mars. coolgirl. carmen sandiego. olive from easy a.

tv tropes: 10 minute retirement. /    action fashionista. /    adaptational jerkass. /    allergic to routine. /    beauty, brains, brawn. /    believing their own lies. /    big sister instinct. /  career ending injury. /    cool big sis. /    kid hero all grown up. /    know when to fold them. /    lovable alpha bitch. /    proud beauty. /    secretly selfish. /    silly rabbit, idealism is for kids. /    stealth insulter. /    what you are in the dark. /    will not be a victim.

tl;dr bio: grew up at xaviers / alpha bitch, made everyone like her because she demanded it. much like most x-kids became borderline x-men due to the need to survive. but compared to other students she wasn’t that powerful, and began a habit to lie, compulsively, to make her seem better than she actually was. when she was 18 she was picked for an actual roster // which she was on for 3 years before she had her pixie wings torn from her back.    so embarrassed she lowkey ran away for 4 years,  solo training, developing skills, signing part of her soul away to get her wings back, and also joining a chaotic good robin hood style crime ring. she came back to paragon after their little sibling, aeron, got pregnant, to come be the big sibling and also     wine aunt.

points: lies constantly, has deffinitely been in like 7 ponzy schemes, linked to 27 unsolved crime sprees and murders, always dodging absolutely any question to her, elusive, loves disappearing in crowds whilst making direct eye contact with someone across the way, her coffee order is a half caf cold brew with no fat almond milk and one pump lavender syrup. demi girl, also bi but leaning towards girls. swings both ways, however, violently. with a bat. sets things on fire just for the banter. speaks in fake accents becaus she can.

powers: manon is 3/4 fae, 1/4 mutant and her powers just ... hybrid from both:  - fae physiology ( pointed ears / wings / black and magenta eyes / purple hair ) - lie detection ( the ability to know when someone is lying - ? probably her mutant power. ) - pheromone control ( the ability to produce spores from her wings that alter the moods of those around her.) - illusions & basic magic ( fae power / limited magical ability and also basic illusions enough to disguise herself & slight of hand but nothing as crazy as like . ..  her grandfather, but probably stronger than a standard far because of this. )

 connection ideas. ( some will be made wc. for the wc page i’m just lazy n the wc page is ... . . .  busy. )

- gaslighted: someone who’s a victim to manon’s chronic lying - a toxic friendship in which manon takes advantage of the other :/ please call her out and end it. - girlsquad: those untouchable bitches, the plastics, all very horrible people that are friends by being mean to each other  - toxic romances: current and past. any gender.  - someone who is genuinely just a better person than manon trying to stop her from being such a fucking bitch. - the one relliable bitch/or male version of a bitch, who’s an absolute ride or die but never rides and is probably the most taurus person and manon just crashes on their couch, shows up w/out warning and leaves the next day - could prob lead from an ex relationship. - someone   .. she is soft 2.        the one cowboy she is honest 2. from a childhood friend, someone who saw through one of her lies one day and was like dam . . . i respect u bitch.. - be very cute if a small nb or gay had like an idolisation crush on her tbh  .. . very hot n sexy . . . ..

in conclusion: please give me antagonistic relations & also ones who help her 2 grow thank u 

[damleon24]

Blusas

This essay appeared in the January 2018 Issue of under the gum tree. 

Digital: https://www.underthegumtree.com/digitalissues/issue-26-january-2018-digital

Print: http://www.magcloud.com/browse/issue/1383639

I recently asked my mami for one of the traditional Mexican blouses that she wore when I was younger (by which I mean pestered her for weeks). She said she didn’t have any (by which she meant I shouldn't be wearing women’s clothing).

She had accepted my queer inclinations when they were jokes, when she needed a best friend. Now they were costing her a son, her first son, and that she could not allow. 

When she gave me a very final no, I asked my Abuelita Ofelia. She nodded excitedly and said she’d put them away in the garage. She came back with the clear plastic bag that once held my mami’s wedding dress; it was covered in dust and cracked. Inside were six white shirts that seemed to glow. I gave the smallest to Bianca, my twelve-year-old cousin. 

It looks funny, she told me. 

Try it on, I said. I put on the biggest of the shirts to encourage her. Bianca laughed at me and pulled on the shirt. 

Te ves bonita, Abuelita told her. Bianca looked like a vision from heaven: the white shirt hung loosely around her torso, and her dark skin and hair shone all the more for the contrast. 

I can’t wear it. It’s weird. 

I told her of all the hipster white girls that wore traditional Indigenous and Mexican clothing as fashion statements. They felt comfortable wearing Mexican femininity as a performance piece while Mexican girls and women were denied the freedom (I wondered where that left me). 

I can’t wear it, she told me again. That made two of us. 

My family went to Mexico every year when I was small. My papi used the trips as opportunities to instill his Mexican machismo, he and my uncles tried to take me out into the fields to do “trabajo de hombre”. They wanted to show me how to foster life in those fields, that you could tell good dirt by the color. They made a show of including me in their drinking circles and offering cerveza. 

Cuantas novias tienes, they would ask to try to develop my identity around how many mujeres I was playing. 

Si te hablan patras las madreas. Part of being a man was keeping mujeres (and femininity) in check. 

I always found opportunities to slip away while they weren’t watching. I ran across the dirt street and around the corner to my Bisabuela Julia’s yard. There I’d find her sitting in the sun with an extra chair for me though no one had warned her of my coming. 

Sientate, she’d say. 

She’d sit quietly and look at me. I was convinced that her life had moved from her body and into her eyes; they were a brown that would have grown enough crops to feed all of Mexico. 

When I shied away from her gaze she would start speaking. 

No eres comos los otros niños. Her voice wheezed out between coughs. Hoye me, mijo. Each word sounded so fragile that it should be wrapped up for safe keeping (now shattered and lost). Yet her stories were long and heavy. She spoke of when my father was young, when my grandfather was young, and when her hands were strong enough to support all the hombres that relied on her. 

I took to rubbing Abuela Julia’s hands while listening to her stories. They were bony and weak. Her skin was dark brown and as thin as her breathing. She always sat in the sun with a reboso around her head and shoulders. 

During one of our last talks, she said she wanted to rub my hands. I rested my arm on her leg as she took my left hand in both of hers. Her touch was so soft that it tickled, but I tried not to pull away. I slowly put more effort into holding my arm up because she rearranged her leg under the weight. She laughed and pushed my chubby arm back down onto her leg. 

I’m trying to read the story in your hands, she told me. Quieto.

She passed away a few years ago. I never learned her story. Never saw it in her hands. The same men she always talked about had little if anything to say about her. I love my Abuela Julia, but I resented that she’d never told me about her life. Yet my Abuela had given me femininity, and her story rested in it. 

The traditional Mexican blouse is cotton and of varying styles and cut, but they all share detailed embroidery. My Abuelita is from Michoacán, and the blouses her side of the family wears are in the style of the P'urhépecha people. The material is a non-stretchable white cotton or linen, and the embroidery is thick along the collar or and chest. Each blouse has a mosaic of flowers, animals, or patterns derived from Indigenous cultures; and all of the shirts are embroidered by hand. The shirts and the skills to weave them are passed down from other to daughter, so these blouses are labors of love. 

My mami and tia wore them on special occasions when it was acceptable to be proud of being Mexican and feminine, but through the years my family shifted into the “normalcy” of Americanness. Other Mexican families loved the Salinas Rodeo and Cinco De Mayo festivals. They celebrated Dia De Los Muertos and the Posadas. Often these cultural events were left to mujeres to organize, but my mami was raised American. She didn’t know how to celebrate these events, so my family did none of these. 

My papi tried to push both Mexican pride and machismo onto me, so they became tied together. Mexican culture was masculine; it was violent; and it was everything I hated about my life. The only time my papi seemed happy with me was when I wore boots and a cowboy hat with him. He didn’t smile, but a deadpan expression and calm voice were better than the usual scowl and yell. 

Te ves como hombre. (As if the appearance might make it true.)

My mami allowed me to be emotional and feminine. She often told me that I was her best friend, and both a son and daughter to her. I was twelve when my sister was born, and I often watched her while my mami ran errands. 

She’s going to think you’re her mom, she would joke. I needed the affection that I thought was tied to being American and the freedom to express myself how I wished. 

Eventually, even my mami tried to shut down my femininity. She appreciated it when I was her support system, when she was raising her best friend. I guess she thought that at some point I’d grow out of it. That I would be an hombre, the femininity a phase she could tell girlfriends about. 

She still asks my opinion on hairstyles and outfits. She still relies on the femininity she gave me when it’s useful, but she wants me to live up to my papi’s expectations. My femininity has outlived the laughs, she only ever looks uncomfortable when I try on blusas or rebosos. 

Don’t be dumb, she tells me when I mention wanting to wear feminine clothing and wanting a man more than I want to be one. 

After graduating from college I moved to San Francisco for an internship. Up until that point I didn’t think of myself as queer. I knew that I wasn’t straight, but I fit into the messy idea of “men” at Vassar. In San Francisco, some men brought attention to my style of dress and painted nails. Others asked me what my favorite bar in The Castro was like I’d know gay spaces I’d never been near. 

It took coming home to Salinas to figure out that I just didn’t fit the world’s idea of masculinity anymore. The space that made me so comfortable in my Mexican identity now made me scared for my feelings of gender. Some boys in a class subbed for caught me crying and didn’t speak to me again. A man avoided shaking my hand when he saw my nails. Another man in the gym saw me wearing just tights and said, I thought we were friends. 

Even worse, people read me as white or American more often. The woman at the Mexican corner store that I’d shopped at my whole life refused to speak Spanish to me. Students pronounced my name in English and tried to hide things from me by talking Spanish. Few people I spoke to believed that I’d grown up in Salinas. My queerness marked me as other, as non-Mexican.

There is no way to identify with my chosen gender in Spanish, yet I know that I’m not an hombre by the standards of Mexican culture. Hijo, Maestro. These terms are attempts to give me strength perceived in machismo, but the languages rigid gendered forms erase the strength in my femininity. I was taught how to survive by women, and when I let people refer to me by masculine terms I let my Abuela’s stories slip away. 

Others do not see the violence in the words. It’s normal for them, and the language demands it. 

I’m reminded of my papi’s lessons. 

Don’t talk back to your madre, o te voy a madrear. The word swallows the person that loves me most, replacing her with my papi’s fists and how these words are inadequate. 

I tried on my Abuelita’s shirts when I was alone. I wanted to see myself wrapped in the stories of the mujeres that raised me. The embroidery told me what words had never managed: the mujeres in my family had survived and prayed and built. The material was tight around my chest and hung loosely around my arms and belly. My collarbone looked amazing in the low cut collar, and the swaying blouse gave an elegance to my love handles. The white linen made my dark brown eyes shine as bright as my Abuela Julia’s. 

That femininity would not be accepted by hombres at Mexican festivals where there are no words for my reflection. Still, my Abuela Ofelia offered her blouses to me when I asked. 

Machismo created a limited language, but that never stopped mujeres’ ability to pass on their stories. Mujeres never stopped surviving and fighting and creating. They never stopped loving. 

The people who raised me where both Mexican and feminine. I cannot give up either. 

[badcowboy69]

Homeward Bound part 2

I’m passionate about this story line as it is re-uniting my courier six, Travis Blackfox with his parents.  I like this chapter and hope y’all will too.  As always this features my courier Travis and his boyfriend Riley who belongs to @zoey-and-dakota      I know you’re gonna like this one ;)  

Part one can be found here     Put under the cut due to length.  Questions and comments are always welcome.

Travis lay peacefully on his back staring up at the ceiling of his bedroom. Feeling Riley’s fingers sifting over the black hairs on his chest, Travis closed his eyes and let out a satisfied hum.  His mind was swirling with a mixture of emotions ranging from anxious to euphoric.  Hours earlier when Riley returned Travis’ missing wallet and old courier ID it was offered one last time to drive him to Arizona to find his parents.  He agreed.  Since then Travis’ thoughts were going a mile a minute and he couldn’t focus.  However, like Riley had also offered, a hearty meal, a few glasses of whiskey, and some pretty amazing intimacy more than calmed Travis beyond the point of orgasmic bliss.

Lifting his hand, Travis placed it over Riley’s arm and affectionately rubbed it. “You know,” he contentedly sighed.  “Never thought this was even ever gonna happen.  I don’t even think I’d be doing this without you.  I mean, I had so many years to do it and even had a means to get there with my motorcycle, but I never even let it cross my mind.”  He shifted his position and looked at his lover and gave a nervous grin.  “This ain’t gonna be easy.  I avoided it for so long and now it’s gonna happen.  Don’t know if that’s good or bad.”

“Well, hopefully it’s not going to be bad,” Riley replied gently as he scooted closer and snuggled against his partner.  “There’s no rush in this, please don’t think there is.  I want you to take your time and go at your own pace.”

“Yeah…” Travis trailed off and closed his eyes letting himself get lost in Riley’s touch and warmth.  “I...I wanna do this, Riles.  Sooner the better.  Already got the route and maps situated...next thing I think I should do is tell House and inform Arcade I’m gonna be gone for a while.  After that... I think I’ll be needing more whiskey and sex.”

Riley chuckled and nipped at Travis’ earlobe playfully.  “And I’ll be more than happy to satisfy you in both of those things.  Is there anything else I can help you with?”

Travis shook his head and gave Riley a light kiss on the lips.  “Naw...not now really.  The only thing I can suggest is maybe if you wanna see if ED-E or Rex need any maintenance before we go.  We’ll take the dog with us...ED-E can stay here with Arcade as always.” “Hah, and we both know how much he loves that!” Riley chimed.  Arcade was known for his dislike towards the little Enclave tech eyebot since the Enclave was part of Arcade’s roots...roots he was previously ashamed of having.  However, not too long ago, ED-E helped save the doctor’s life by shooting down a pack of nightstalkers to which Arcade was grateful.  Since then he had a better attitude for the little robot, but it still didn’t stop him from being snarky every now and then.

“He’ll get over it,” Travis grunted flatly as he gently slipped from Riley’s embrace and grabbed his black boxer shorts, pulling them on.  “And if not, that’s too dang bad.  He’s the only one I trust to watch over the place when I ain’t here and gets paid well for it anyways.  Shit, I ain’t that fond of those Securitrons, but I deal with ‘em.  Small thing to suffer with considering all the stuff I got.”

Riley gave a yawn and stretched while sitting up scratching his head.  “If you ask me, he puts up a fuss to get a rise out of that robot.  I may not understand the beeping, but to me it’s almost like Arcade and ED-E have an Abbott and Costello sort of relationship.  Straight man and funny man.”

“Hah, you mean gay man and funny man don’t you?” Travis snickered and quickly found himself being twacked with Riley’s shirt.  “I hope this meeting with House won’t take too long,” Travis continued as tossed the shirt back then climbed into his jeans.

“I can go with you if that would make things easier,” Riley offered gently as he looked around for his own pants which were hastily discarded somewhere when they had started their bedroom rendezvous.

“Gosh no!  You know how much he loves talking to you.  We’ll be up there all night!  I wanna tell him what’s going on and get outta there right quick before he starts badgering me with idjit questions.”  It was obvious by the tone of his voice, Travis was starting to get frustrated again.  

Riley sighed, went to his man and put his hands on his shoulders.  “Do whatever you need to do.  Like I told you, there is no rush in going to Arizona.”  He placed a light, lingering kiss on Travis’ lips then pressed their brows together.  “Whenever you’re ready…”

“Need to go, Riles,” Travis interrupted.  “This has been on my mind for too many years and I might as well face it already while I have the desire.”

“Sounds good to me.  While you’re talking to House, would you like me to radio Arcade and inform him?  Will that help any?”  Travis nodded against him and Riley hugged him closer as he sifted his fingers through his black hair.  “Then it’s settled.  Good luck with your discussion with House and I’ll be anxiously awaiting your return and hear what happened.”  Giving Travis one more kiss, Riley released him and called to Rex.  As the cyberdog padded into the bedroom, Riley gave his partner a wink.  “You’ll do just fine.”

Travis twitched his moustache and gave a crooked grin while he grabbed his cowboy hat and shoved it down on his head.  Taking a deep, calming breath, he next strode towards the elevator to start the next part of his journey towards finding his family.  About half an hour later Travis returned and found Riley shining up ED-E with a cloth and polishing cream in the guest bedroom.  Rex was laying peacefully at his side with his metal parts glistening as well.  Even the plastic dome of his brain case sparkled and seemed to have a brighter than normal blue glow.

“Wow, lookit how pretty you are!” Travis exclaimed seeing the dog who quickly jumped to his feet wagging his tail furiously at the compliment.  ED-E began beeping and chirping in complaint under the polishing cloth making Travis laugh.  “You’re looking pretty spiffy yourself, pard.”

“So, did things go well?” Riley asked while setting the cloth down and tightening one of ED-E’s antennas which had somehow gotten loose.

“Yeah.  He was right happy for me if you can believe that one.  He asked if I needed a Securitron to go with us or anything, but I told him we’ll be fine.  He reminded me of you a little in this...all excited for me and wished me luck.” Travis flopped down on the couch and began kicking off his boots.  Rex trotted over to him and sat at his side, touching him with his paw demanding to be petted.

“People will be excited for you, Travis.  This is a big deal in more ways than one if you think about it.  You will not only be reconnecting with a life you lost, but giving a life back to two people who no doubt feel they lost their son forever.” The courier sighed and leaned his elbows on his knees as his shoulders slumped.  “I reckon...but it’s gonna be a one way street.  They’ll be all happy getting me back and stuff, but I still won’t have a clue who the fuck they are.”

Riley gave ED-E a pat to know he was done being fussed with and the little robot floated up and flew towards Travis beeping in concern.  Taking a place by Travis’ side, Riley put his arm around his shoulders.  “I know it’s all going to be very awkward, but maybe something there will jar your memory.  I know it’s all gone, but there might be a small something still lingering you don’t even realize.  You did tell me that you remember being on that round up at Big Circle and that was quite a few years before you became a courier.  If you remember that event, maybe you can remember something regarding your childhood or parents,” he suggested hopefully.

Travis snorted and shook his head.  “Didja ever notice that all the memories I have left weren’t involving time spent at home?  Almost all the travels I had as a courier for example.  I mean I can remember certain areas and actual deliveries, but yet I don’t remember actually being home ever.  I really doubt I was hiking around the territories all those years and never went home.  ”

Chewing his lower lip, Riley considered what Travis told him.  It made sense now.  If Travis’ childhood memories were obliterated then anything pertaining to his home would be gone while other things like travel would remain.  “Well...regardless...this is a very brave and bold move on your part and I’m proud of you for finally wanting to partake in it.”  Feeling a shudder go through his partner, Riley shifted the conversation in another direction.  “By the way I radioed Arcade.  He said he’ll be ready whenever you need his assistance.  According to him things have been rather dull at the fort and he said he could use the small get away.”

Travis smiled slightly and nodded.  “Good to hear.  This was all the easy stuff, though.  Still got lots more to prepare.  I know you said ‘take your time,’ but I really want to do this while I have the motivation.  Trust me, as easy as it was to avoid it after all this time it’ll be just as easy to toss it back to the side.  Don’t let me do that, Riles.  Help me continue forward and face this already.”

“You have my word.”

In the days ahead, Travis continued to get ready for his journey to Arizona to try and locate his family.  During that time both he and Riley tinkered with their car and gathered supplies needed for a trip such as this.  It was decided in case the entire trip was a bust for whatever reason, they would camp out in that territory for a while and explore.  That being said, they doubled up on important things like ammo, gun repair kits, stimpacks, and bottles of water.  Travis also made sure their tent and bedrolls were in good condition just in case something hindered them in their travel or, worse yet, the ranch didn’t exist and they needed a place to take shelter.  There was also the possibility of Travis’ parents either being deceased or wanting nothing to do with him, but that was something that both Travis and Riley didn’t even want to consider.

When all necessary preparations were finally completed, they went over them one last time to make sure nothing was overlooked.  Although this wasn’t Travis and Riley’s first trip anywhere, it was the longest they would be taking with the car.  It was unknown how it would handle the distance so having ample supplies was crucial.  Once everything was checked and prepared to Travis’ satisfaction it was decided that they would leave at the end of the week.  

The day before they were to head out came swiftly and for the most part Travis was calm and even joking around.  However as the day progressed, his mood slowly began to deteriorate.  After lunch they began to pack their supplies and their duffle bags of clothes in the car.  It only took a few hours, but Travis kept fretting over every little detail hoping they had everything they could possibly need.  With the fall of evening, it was suggested they get to sleep a bit earlier than usual so they could be well rested for the journey.  Having a few drinks and some close time helped ease Travis’ nerves for the most part.  It was evident he was anxious now that the trip was going to happen in a few hours.  Still, Riley did his best to relax him and it worked for the most part as it wasn’t much longer until the courier found himself sound asleep in his lover’s arms.

It seemed as if Travis had just closed his eyes when he found himself awake and laying in bed not daring to move.  Today was the day!  He was finally going to make the trip home to Arizona to find his past and his parents.  Turning over seeking warmth and comfort from Riley he was taken aback that the bed was empty.  Furrowing his brow, he sat up while rubbing the back of his neck and yawning.  “Riles?”

“In here!” came the reply from the kitchen.

Hearing the voice, Travis pushed himself out of bed and tiredly shuffled his lanky frame into the kitchen.  Riley was at the counter pouring himself a cup of coffee and offered one to his partner.  Travis nodded while pulling out a chair at the table.  “Why...why didn’t you wake me up?” he yawned, taking the steaming cup.  As he put it to his lips he paused for a moment and looked up to his man.  “Come to think of it, why you up before me?  Gotta be a world record or something!”

Riley chuckled and took a seat next to his groggy partner.  “I couldn’t sleep.  This is exciting for me too, Travis.  Getting to drive somewhere outside of the Mojave...seeing new sights...help you find some of your past…” he trailed off when he saw Travis staring down at his coffee.  “Are you sure you are up for this?  Like I told you earlier this week we don’t have to go if you’re not ready for it.”

“I’m fine, Riles.  Reckon I’m kinda in shock maybe?  Scared?  Dunno…”  He took a sip of his coffee and plinked his fingers against the cup.  “What...what if they don’t care I’m back?  What if we had a bad relationship and they were glad I vanished?  What if my finding them is the worst thing they could ask for?”

“And what if the clouds were made of cotton candy.  Travis, no ‘what if’ logic, please.  You can’t worry about things like that.  It’ll only upset you more.  Thinking things like that only serve to bring a person down.  Stay focused on the positives.  You’re a great guy and have accomplished great things.  If they hate you that’s their problem and they’ll truly be missing out.”

After having a good filling meal, Riley cleaned up while Travis made his final checks around the Presidential Suite.  On time as usual, the intercom buzzed indicating that Arcade has arrived to see them off and get any further instructions on his duties while Travis was away.  Grabbing a bottle of whiskey and bag of jalapenos, Travis announced he was satisfied and ready to head out.  Riley embraced him and tenderly kissed his neck stating how proud he is of him and to stay strong.  Heading down the elevator to the casino they met Arcade and together the trio, cyberdog and eyebot headed down to the sub-basement where the car was stored.

Opening the back car door Travis gave a whistle to Rex who enthusiastically jumped inside, barking excitedly and wagging his tail furiously.  Riley gave the car the once over before he shook Arcade’s hand and thanked him for all the help.  The doctor said it was no problem, but they’d have to make it up to him later for having to babysitting ED-E.  

The robot gave out a series of beeps and angry clicks making Travis laugh.  “He said feeling’s mutual and I owe HIM for babysitting you.”

Arcade chuckled and swatted at the robot while trying to hide the smile forming on his lips.  “If he thinks he’s going to attempt to put a diaper on my bottom and a bottle in my mouth he’s got another thing coming.”

Travis smirked.  Riley was right with the Abbott and Costello comparison without a doubt.  Giving Arcade a hearty handshake in thanks for his assistance, Travis climbed into the car next to Riley.  The car started and an anxious shudder surged through Travis from his head all the way down to his toes.  “Thanks again, pard.  See y’all later!”

“Ready?” Riley asked as he put the car in gear.  Travis gave a nod in response and Riley slowly drove the car out of the room and towards the tunnel that would lead them to the outside world.  As they waited for the Vault door to open, Travis felt another shudder go through him.  Saying he was nervous was an understatement, but that feeling was in competition with the excitement that was building in him just the same.

Once the door was finally open, Riley drove out into the brightness of the morning Mojave sun.  Travis squinted his eyes until they adjusted then gave a wave to the securitron on duty at the door.  He felt Riley’s hand on his knee and with a beep of the horn, the car pulled out towards the first mile of their journey.

For the first few miles the asphalt they traveled upon was in decent condition.  It had the typical cracks and holes, but nothing that caused much trouble.  The further they got from the city the more it became challenging and a few times Riley had to divert their path to off road for a while.  He drove at a modest speed, but still the bumps and roughness jarred he and Travis.  Rex even whined in protest.  Travis grumbled about the tires on this thing and wished they had tried to replace them with the more all terrain type the NCR uses on their vehicles.  Riley agreed, but also stated that hindsight was 20/20.  There was nothing they could do about it now and had to simply make it work the best they can.

About midway to their destination, Riley pulled to the side of the road and parked by an abandoned gas station.  Travis started a fire and the couple enjoyed a small lunch of cowboy stew and had a few drinks to top it all off.  As they relaxed in the cool shade of the building, Rex busied himself sniffing around the new territory and chasing a few geckos he spotted.  At length, Travis poked around the gas station looking for anything to salvage while Riley cleaned up and kicked sand over the fire.  Travis whistled for Rex and they all piled up back into the car to continue on their way.

Now that they were fed and well rested the last leg of their journey went by rather quickly.  It wasn’t long before they found themselves stopped in front of a large wooden roadsign with faded white lettering that stated Welcome to Hackberry.  Enjoy y’all’s stay!  

Riley glanced over to Travis and saw him staring intently at the sign while drumming his fingers on the window frame of the door.  Placing a hand on Travis’ knee, Riley asked, “How are you feeling?  Do you want to stop here for a little while and consider a few things or are you ready?” “A’yup...I’m fine...let’s do this,” he replied while covering Riley’s hand with his and entwining their fingers together.  Rex barked in agreement making Travis chuckle nervously.   “Well, reckon since the dog says it’s ok…” he drifted off, but Riley didn’t question and let Travis to his thoughts.

They drove for about half a mile down the dusty road until they came to a very small town.  A few of the buildings were repurposed into new establishments such as the pre-war gas station which had a new sign proclaiming it sold scrap and tools.  Right next to it was a general store with a large cement eagle near the side of the road.  It had a makeshift sign in its talons stating the place was now open for business.  All sorts of hand crafted wooden windmills and glass wind chimes were set up along the side, spinning and chiming in the gentle breeze.

Parking the car here got him a strange look from Travis.  “Gonna buy a windmill?” the courier asked with a crooked grin.

“Maybe, but more importantly we might as well find out exactly where we’re going.  Your pip-boy got us to town, but apparently can’t find the ranch according to you.  Asking someone will certainly get us going in the right direction.  Plus it will also give us that final answer if the ranch is still even in existence.” “Ain’t going in,” Travis muttered while slouching against the seat and concentrating on petting his cyberdog.  “For all I know my parents own this thing and I don’t wanna see them this way.  Unprepared I mean.  I hope that makes sense.” Riley nodded in understanding.  “Yes.  What a shock for them to see you waltz through the door after all these years.  It’s all good.  I’ll be right back.  Do you want anything?”  Travis shook his head no and Riley leaned over and kissed his partner lovingly on the cheek.  Shutting off the motor he exited the vehicle and disappeared into the store.  It wasn’t long until Riley returned with a satisfied smile on his face, a small bag in one hand and a wind chime made of blue glass in the other.  “Well, one thing for sure these folks around here are quite friendly.”  He handed the bag to Travis then gently set the chimes in the back seat.

As Riley started the car, Travis looked into the bag.  A weary smile appeared on his lips as he discovered the bag to be filled with a few jalapenos.  “Dang, these are beauts!” he exclaimed as he pulled a large, dark green pepper out of the bag, examined it then took a big bite.  “Hmmmm wow!”

Riley chuckled.  “If you like that you’re going to like where it came from even more.  When I asked about the ranch the store keep knew all about it and gushed about how they have the best corn and jalapeno peppers around.  He also told me to ask a fella named Dante about his moonshine.  I’m going to assume Dante might be your father’s name, but maybe a brother or simply a ranch hand.” Travis shrugged and devoured the rest of the pepper.  “Dante can be their dog’s name for all I care.  These are great jalapenos!  Got just enough kick to make me sweat without being too uncomfortable.”

“I’m glad I got them for you then!  Anyway, the clerk said the ranch is about ten miles from here.  He said there’s a lot of ranches out this way all with their own sort of offerings including a fruit tree farm.  It’s not a hugely populated community and one that doesn’t get many outsiders coming to visit like it did centuries ago.  In pre-war times, Route 66 was a very big deal.  You could travel from Chicago to Los Angeles, California just by using this one road.  As a result the route became a cute little attraction with shops setting up that offered unique collectables for the area.  There were lots of diners and themed hotels as well as plenty of tourist traps.  Those were places set up to entice travelers to stop and stay a while spending money as they offered interesting and sometimes tacky experiences.  ‘The World’s Largest Balls of Yarn’ for example.”

Travis snickered, “Ain’t nothing like taking a trip out somewheres to view big balls.”

The remark earned the courier a playful punch in the arm.  Riley was glad to see Travis was still in good spirits even though he could pick up the tension emanating from him.  To help keep Travis as jovial and distracted, Riley continued to educate him about Route 66.  As a result of the fun history lesson the remaining ten miles went fast.  It wasn’t long until they drove alongside a wooden fence that went on as far as the eye could see.  Pulling up to the entrance made up of two vertical wooden beams with a horizontal one across the top is where Riley stopped the car.

“The D in T,” Riley remarked in amusement as he looked up at four tree branches bent and shaped into the letters D and T merged together on top of the wooden entryway.  “I’m going to assume the D probably stands for Dante.”

“Or dummy,” Travis grunted, suddenly squirming in his seat while digging another pepper out of the bag.  Placing the stem between his teeth he groped under the seat looking for the bottle of whiskey they brought.  He felt incredible butterflies in his stomach and he wanted something to calm them down and fast.  

Riley frowned and grabbed his partner’s wrist pulling him from the bottle.  “I really don’t think it’d be appropriate for your parents to smell booze on your breath right now.  I know you’re nervous, but maybe...I can offer something else to help remedy that before we drive in?”  Riley placed his hand on Travis’ thigh and slid it up towards his groin.  Travis copied Riley’s previous action and grabbed his wrist, stopping him.

“Yeah, like cum breath’s any better than whiskey breath,” he smriked.  

“Touche,” Riley responded with a chuckle.  “Well...if you’re ready?  Shall we continue forward through the gate?”  He watched Travis as he took a careful chomp of his jalapeno and nodded almost unsure.  Riley hesitated for a moment and when Travis turned to give him a ‘come on already’ look is when he put the car in gear and slowly drove down the long dirt road leading to the ranch house.

The entire scene spread out in front of Travis like a slow motion dream.  The place wasn’t entirely desert as there were plenty of pine trees around and a few scrub bushes and cactus.  He could see a large barn off to the right side of the house as well as what appeared to be a corral.  Plots of crops could be seen to the left, their greenery a stark contrast to the browns of the land.  However, nothing registered familiar with him as he stared at the landscape.  He could be looking at the barren wasteland for all it mattered.

Feeling Riley’s hand on his knee snapped him out of his fog and he turned to see his lover smiling gently at him.  “Why’d we stop here?”  Travis asked as his blue eyes continued to scan the area.  

“Call it security of sorts.”  Riley had parked next to a large tree which was near the house, but far enough back and obstructing view to the passengers in the car.  “Like we earlier discussed, I’ll head up and find out if who lives here really are your parents.  I’ll tell them about you and see how it goes.  I mean, it’s been almost ten years since you vanished from their lives.  Seeing you before they’re ready to understand what all has happened might be too shocking for them.  I want to brace them into this as it’s not something that should be rushed.  Chances are they’re going to be in disbelief.  Or maybe your relationship with them before the shooting ordeal wasn’t exactly good either.  I don’t want to subject either you or your parents to something unpleasant.  Does any of this make sense?”

“I reckon...just...let’s get this over with,” Travis said dismissively while chewing on his lower lip.

Riley leaned against him and gave an affectionate kiss while stroking the whiskers of Travis’ goatee.  He turned Travis’ head to face him, gave a more few tender kisses and pressed their brows together.  “It’ll be ok.  Everything will work out how it should.” As Riley stepped out of the car, he smoothed his shirt and adjusted his rolled up sleeves.  Travis leaned over the seat, arched an eyebrow and mustered up a crooked grin.  “I still say you’re not dressed right for this, Riles.  You don’t know ranch people like I do.  You need to tuck in that shirt and wear my hat.” “I really don’t think those small details will make much of a difference.  Besides, it’s all in the attitude and how one presents themselves.  Wish me luck.”  He closed the door with a wink and headed down the little path made up of gravel leading to the house.  As he climbed the stairs he noticed two chairs near a small table with empty beer bottles scattered on it.  A bench swing was on the other side of the porch and various flowering plants were in clay pots along the floor.  Typical country, he thought and gave a firm, but gentle knock on the battered screen door.  He put his hands in his pockets and waited feeling a little anxious himself, but he was certain it was nothing like Travis was going through.

Moments later he heard fast, heavy boot stomps echoing through the house.  A tall figure clad entirely in black and wearing a cowboy hat loomed in the doorway and drawled, “Yeah...whatchu want?”

Riley couldn’t believe his eyes.  The man was about his height and very lanky, but what stunned him into silence was the fact it was almost like he was looking about twenty years into the future as to what Travis would look like.  The man had raven black shoulder-length hair pulled back into a ponytail.  His moustache was thin as were the hairs on his chin and jawline.  Narrowed crystal blue eyes stared suspiciously at him through the screen and they only narrowed more seeing Riley wasn’t answering.  “You deaf, pard?” “Umm….no...Well, hello.  Is this the Blackfox residence?”  

“A’yup.  Who’re you?” the man drawled not taking his eyes off of Riley.  His stare finally broke as he looked Riley up and down and his scowl deepened.  “All fancy dressed like.  You one of those useless Children of the Atom dumbfucks? If’n ya are best go on and git before I put one between your eyes and help you go meet your idjit maker.”

Riley felt a bead of sweat roll down the side of his face.  This man was certainly rough.  If he was like this to strangers Riley only feared what he might be like to Travis.  It was obvious he wasn’t very friendly and probably not the best family man either.   

“Dante Blackfox!  Are you harassing visitors again?” an agitated woman’s voice came from somewhere inside the house.  

The tall man flinched and sighed while his thin shoulders slumped.  “No, love...ain’t harassing no one.  Just makin’ sure he ain’t one of those zealot assholes here to preach his fairy tale bullshit.”

“Well…” the woman began as she seemed to materialize at Dante’s side, wrapping her arms around him.  “How will you know what he wants if you keep antagonizing him?”  

Riley couldn’t help but smile seeing the scowl suddenly vanish from Dante’s face and the look of endearment that appeared instead as he looked down at his wife.  “Mebbe I keep messin’ with him so’s I can get a rise outta you.  I know what happens when you get all hot and bothered.” She uttered a mock gasp and gave him a shove.  “You just quit and mind your manners!  Look at what you did, you got that poor fella all flustered now.” Leaning up she gave her man a fast kiss then diverted her attention to Riley who was looking slightly embarrassed over their banter.  “Well, howdy there, mister.  What brings you around?  Come to buy some stock or whiskey?  Hell, do you want to try some of the whiskey first before you buy it?”  The woman seemed nice enough and more of what Riley expected with the country hospitality.  She was a few inches shorter than Dante and had long, flowing blonde hair that went down to the small of her back.  She also had the bluest of eyes that shined merrily and a warm smile which in turn helped Riley become a little more at ease.  

“No.  None of that...I’m...I’ve actually got some possible news,” Riley slowly began, still unsure how to bring up the reason behind the visit.  “My name is Riley White and I’m looking for Mister and Missus Blackfox.  Would you fine folks be them by any chance?”

“A’yup, that we are,” Dante replied as he pushed open the screen door to extend his hand in friendship.  “As you heard shrieked, my name is Dante and this here’s my wife, Tracy.  Sorry again ‘bout earlier.  I ain’t generally like that, but seein’ how yer dressed and all...well...let’s just say I knew you ain't from ‘round here.” Riley mustered up a smile and shook Dante’s hand then did the same for his wife.  “No harm done.”  He paused for a moment, his mind searching for the right words about Travis.  It was funny, but on the way he here practiced a scenario over and over in his mind on how to handle the situation.  Now that it was finally happening it was as if he lost all train of thought.  Figuring he would do worse beating around the bush as Dante didn’t seem the type to fuck around with, Riley felt the best approach was to simply ask, but as delicately as possible.

“I traveled a long way today...all the way from New Vegas in fact.”

“New Vegas, huh?”  Looking over Riley’s shoulder, Dante caught a glimpse of the front grill of the car poking out from behind the tree.  “Looks like yer more than a fancy pants with those clothes.  Got yerself a car do ya now?  You some big city casino owner or somethin’, Riley?”

“No.  Actually, the car…” he drifted off knowing that if he mentioned big stuff concerning Travis it would make a mess out of the situation.  Rubbing the back of his neck and taking a deep breath, Riley pushed forward and boldly chimed, “The reason I came all this way is... I need to ask is if you have a son named Travis?”

At the mention of his name, Tracy’s expression changed to that of sorrow and she clutched her husband’s arm tightly.  “He was our son.  Last we heard he never made one of his deliveries back in ‘81.  Travis told us he’d be gone a few weeks in Nevada.  Had some small deliveries to make then some big secret one he was excited about.  That was the last we heard from him.”  She cast her gaze to the ground and sadly shook her head.  “We radioed the Mojave Express in town countless times ‘til they finally got fed up and told us if they hear anything they’d let us know.  Fine thing to tell parents worried about their boy.”

Dante snorted in disgust as he wrapped his arms around his wife.  “Ain’t been easy on us.  When we got his last pay sent here we figured that was it...they done gave up lookin’ for him and declared him dead.”  Cocking his head slightly to the side, Dante narrowed his eyes and focused his piercing gaze on Riley.  “Ain’t never heard no more about him ‘til you mentioned his name just now.  Whatchu tryin’ to find out, Riley White?  If yer lookin’ for our son yer quite a few years way too late.  You one of his courier friends?”

Riley adjusted his glasses and cleared his throat.  “No, that I’m not, but I am one of his friends...been his friend for a few years now.”  He paused seeing the wide-eyed look Tracy gave him as well as the dangerous glare Dante shot.  Holding up a hand defensively Riley continued.  “You see, Mr. and Mrs. Blackfox, your son did get fatally shot in 2281.  However, he was fortunately saved and brought back to the land of the living by a doctor in the town of Goodsprings, Nevada.  I probably shouldn’t tell you many more details than that as I think it’s best for him to tell you folks himself.  Take my word, Travis is alive.” Tracy gasped and covered her hand with her mouth while stepping away from Dante in disbelief.  She began frantically looking around the porch in hopes Travis was hiding someplace.  “Please, mister, you ain’t fooling?  You’ve seen my Travis…where is...” she began, but was interrupted by her husband who now stood a few menacing inches away from Riley.

“Lissen, mister, if this is yer idea of a joke yer gonna be driving that fancy car back to Vegas with a bullet in yer ass!” Dante snarled gave Riley a hard poke in the shoulder.

Riley flinched and took a careful and slow step backwards.  “Please, trust me and believe what I say.  He is here with me, but he stayed behind in the car in case this wasn’t the place he was searching for.  I do have to tell you something very crucial, however.  What caused his demise also caused him serious memory loss.  He states he can’t remember anything before he became a courier and even during that career choice he only has certain memories in tact.  He has no recollection of you folks or his childhood.  His only link to home was his Mojave Express ID badge.  He was very afraid to come here because he doesn't remember his past.  Besides that he is very much alive and healthy. ”

“Y-you ain’t teasing me are you?,” the woman whispered between her fingers, tears glistening in her eyes.  Seeing Riley shake his head no is when those tears released and streamed down her cheeks.  “Please, bring him to me...to us.”

Nervously Riley glanced towards Dante almost as if asking for approval to get Travis.  The cowboy stared hard at him as if searching for any hint of a lie or jest, his crystal blue eyes boring through the redhead.  After a few long uncomfortable seconds, Dante finally nodded and stepped back to once again gather his wife in his arms.

Letting go the breath he was holding, Riley stepped off the porch and hastily made his way down the path and around the tree to the car.  Leaning down to the passenger window he said to a wide-eyed Travis.  “Well, this is it.  This is your home and the folks I just talked to are indeed your parents.  They’re nice people from what I gather and are really distraught about losing you.  They want nothing more than to know you are really alive.  I did warn them about your memory loss, but it didn’t seem to phase them as much as knowing you’re alive.  Are you ready?  They’re waiting for you.”

Travis looked up at him with concern registered on his face mixed in with some fear.  Riley placed a gentle hand on his shoulder and lightly traced his ear with his fingers.  “It’s ok to be nervous or scared,” he soothed.  “This is a big moment for you...and for them, but you know I am right here at your side during all of this.  If it gets too overwhelming don’t be afraid to step back.”

Taking a deep breath, Travis pushed the car door open and stood.  He stretched his arms over his head then leaned down to absently pet Rex who bounded out of the car and began sniffing at the ground.  Travis got lost in thought for a moment before righting himself and adjusting his cowboy hat.  Squaring his jaw he managed a crooked smile and shut the car door.  “A’yup...well...reckon I’m as ready as I’m gonna be.”

Riley gave him a supportive smile before leaning close to give him a light kiss on the lips.  Wordlessly he took him by the hand and together the couple headed up the gravel path towards the house with Rex bounding excitedly ahead of them leading the way.

To be continued.....

[an-ephemeral-blog]

Linkspam #7

Top Links

Debunking the Capitalist Cowboy by Nan Estad at Boston Review:

Business schools fetishize entrepreneurial innovation, but their most prominent heroes succeeded because they manipulated corporate law, not because of personal brilliance.

Capitalism, like the United States itself, has a mythology, and for five decades one of its central characters has been the nineteenth-century maverick cigarette entrepreneur, James B. Duke. Duke’s risk-taking investment in the newfangled machine-made cigarette, so the story goes, displaced the pricey, hand-rolled variety offered by his stodgy competitors. This, in turn, won Duke control of the national, and soon global, cigarette market. Repeated ad nauseam in business and history journals, high school and university curricula, popular magazines, and websites, the story has taught that disruptive innovation drives capitalist progress.

The problem? The Duke story is false: mid-century business historians fabricated it to accord with the theory of creative destruction, developed by libertarian economist Joseph Schumpeter. For generations, we have learned from this myth to fetishize entrepreneurial innovation as the engine of capitalism, while missing Duke’s instrumental role in rampant corporate empowerment.

Air Pods Are a Tragedy by Caroline Haskins at Vice:

Even if you only own AirPods for a few years, the earth owns them forever. When you die, your bones will decompose in less than a century, but the plastic shell of AirPods won’t decompose for at least a millennium. Thousands of years in the future, if human life or sentient beings exist on earth, maybe archaeologists will find AirPods in the forgotten corners of homes. They’ll probably wonder why they were ever made, and why so many people bought them. But we can also ask ourselves those same questions right now.

The Cis White Gay Man at a Crossroads by Tim Murphy at Into:

To ally oneself with power and privilege after historically having one’s own inherent gender and racial privilege compromised because of one’s sexuality is extremely seductive. It’s also uncomfortable, to say the least, to know that your new bros are perpetuating cruelties that you know in your gut to be real because, especially if you are an older gay man, you remember such cruelties to the point that your voice rises and breaks when you allude to them.

It can be so uncomfortable that, in the next breath, you deny their authenticity. People who feel vulnerable and unsafe, you say, enjoy playing the victim. Your new status in the world depends on not connecting your own former, or fleeting, suffering to theirs.

Privileged by Kyle Korver at the Player’s Tribune:

When the police break your teammate’s leg, you’d think it would wake you up a little.

When they arrest him on a New York street, throw him in jail for the night, and leave him with a season-ending injury, you’d think it would sink in. You’d think you’d know there was more to the story.

You’d think.

But nope.

Women suffer needless pain because almost everything is designed for men by Sigal Samuel, interviewing Caroline Criado Perez, for Vox:

Sigal Samuel: Can you give an example of a drug that’s been found to be less effective for women?

Caroline Criado Perez:  The most shocking one was a heart medication that was meant to prevent heart attacks but at a certain point in a woman’s menstrual cycle is actually more likely to trigger a heart attack. That has to do with the problem of not testing the drug on women at different stages of their menstrual cycle, because you [the researcher] say, “Oh, that’s too complicated and too expensive.” You’re basically saying, “I would rather let women die than have to do a complicated test.”

It Wasn’t Just the Trolls: Early Internet Culture, “Fun,” and the Fires of Exclusionary Laughter by Whitney Philips in Social Media + Society:

Very quickly, I realized that many of the young reporters who initially helped amplify the white nationalist “alt right” by pointing and laughing at them, had all come up in and around internet culture-type circles. They may not have been trolls themselves, but their familiarity with trolling subculture, and experience with precisely the kind of discordant swirl featured in the aforementioned early-2000s image dump, perfectly prepped them for pro-Trump shitposting. They knew what this was. This was just trolls being trolls. This was just 4chan being 4chan. This was just the internet. Those Swastikas didn’t mean anything. They recognized the clothes the wolf was wearing, I argued, and so they didn’t recognize the wolf.

This was how the wolf operated: by exploiting the fact that so many (white) people have been trained not to take the things that happen on the internet very seriously. They operated by laundering hate into the mainstream through “ironically” racist memes, then using all that laughter as a radicalization and recruitment tool.

Other Favorites

Science

Going Critical by Kevin Simler at Melting Asphalt - cool interactive post about criticality in networks

I Got Tenure, But Science is Still Broken by Ryan Abernathey at Medium

From sick role to practices of health and illness by Arthur W Frank in the journal Medical Education

Technology

Google Is Eating Our Mail by Tomaž Šolc at Avian’s Blog - what happens when a private company gets to decide what email is worth receiving

Coding Is For Everyone - As Long As You Speak English by Gretchen McCullough at Wired

YouTube Disabled Comments On Livestreams Of A Congressional Hearing On White Nationalism Because They Were Too Hateful by Ryan Broderick at Buzzfeed News - “Tuesday's hearing was meant to examine the rise of white nationalism and white supremacy and the role social media plays in its spread. Then the comments got hijacked.”

Thinking through ACL-aware data processing by Lea Kissner at the The International Association of Privacy Professionals “Privacy Tech” blog

A Conspiracy To Kill IE6 by Chris Zacharias at their personal blog

History

Liberalism and Jewish Emancipation by Mark Koyama at Liberal Currents - how Jews became full citizens of England

Politics

Is Josh Hawley For Real? by Alexander Zaitchik at the New Republic - A terrifying analysis of the “post-liberal” movement.  “Stated simply, the post-liberals reject universal reason as a basis for laws and government. They mourn the institutions, values, and hierarchies that secular rationalism has laid to waste in the name of progress.”

The families funding the 2016 presidential election by the New York Times

Identity politics strengthens democracy by Stacy Abrams in Foreign Affairs

Misc

How to Draw a Horse by Emma Hunsinger in the New Yorker

My Cousin Was My Hero. Until the Day He Tried to Kill Me. by Wil S Hylton at the New York Times

The Untold Story of the Ermahgerd Girl by Darryn King at Vanity Fair

Stoicism’s Appeal to the Rich and Powerful by Ada Palmer at Ex Urbe

What If A City Decides It Can Live Without A Freeway? by Nathanael Johnson - “Inside the push to tear down an Oakland freeway”

Put down the self-help books. Resilience is not a DIY endeavour by Michael Ungar at the Globe and Mail

What Could Have Been by Sophia Steinert-Evoy at Jewish Currents - “I realized: I was watching two Jewish American millennials sing about the crisis of Jewish identity created by the State of Israel on a nationally syndicated television show. But in its subtlety, the performance doesn’t make a statement so much as it opens a line of questioning—starting with What could have been? and leading, perhaps, to: How do we move forward?”

[jobinterviewghost]

Rocketman shows the night that changed Elton John's career forever — and the man behind it - ABC News (Australian Broadcasting Corporation)

Rocketman shows the night that changed Elton John's career forever — and the man behind it

The date is August 1970. The place, the Troubadour club in Los Angeles. Elton John is locked in the club's toilet too scared to come out. The reason? He's crippled with stage fright.

It's the first night of his week-long booking at the club. The publicity has been so upbeat that the audience is filled with rock royalty including Neil Diamond, members of the Beach Boys, David Crosby and Graham Nash.

Eventually, Elton is coaxed out of the toilet. Dressed in star embossed cowboy boots and a pair of funky overalls he makes his way onstage and takes the place by storm. The concert becomes part of rock legend and breaks Elton as a major star in America.

It's also a key moment in a new bio-pic Rocketman to be released later this month.

Fantasy blockbuster or tell-all?

The question here is simple. Is the movie an unvarnished portrait of one of rock's most complex and contradictory characters?

Or is it, in the style of Bohemian Rhapsody, another glossy, plastic, larger-than-life tale of a music superhero?

Facts are shredded early on as Elton, sweeping up all before him at the Troubadour, sings Crocodile Rock — a song that he hadn't even written yet. Not simply a lie, it also downgrades the far more potent rock music he played that night.

According to the film's director Dexter Fletcher, who also worked on Bohemian Rhapsody, the grit is there. By that he means the sex and the drugs. He explains that Elton John has been co-operative and told the makers he wants an honest portrait. To ensure this, Elton has given the writer Lee Hall access to his diaries, to let the good and the bad shine through.

Elsewhere, though, there are all the signs of a blockbuster.

Taron Egerton, who plays Elton, let the cat out of the bag, calling the film a "musical fantasy". Elton himself says, "it's a surreal look at my life, not just factual".

This may play well at the box office — and don't forget when it's released later this month it will be up against the latest Godzilla movie — but for some, the idea of a "musical fantasy" is scary.

Why? Well, Elton John in his early career really did revolutionise rock music. As his biographer Tom Doyle notes, "it's generally forgotten that Elton was both as cool and musically influential (in the '70s) as Bowie, Pink Floyd and Led Zeppelin."

He was also a walking contradiction. A gay man fearful of revealing his sexuality. A shy boy who could don a chicken suit and win over a crowd of 50,000. A truly great song-writer who by and large couldn't write lyrics to save himself.

The man behind Elton

In truth, had he not met his co-writer and lyricist Bernie Taupin, he might well have become a footnote in musical history. And this key part of Elton's story is often overlooked.

Taupin was the ace up Elton's sleeve. He met him in 1967 almost by accident. The lyricist's mother had the foresight to respond to an advertisement in a music paper looking for songwriters. In Taupin, who focused almost exclusively on the words, our soon-to-be Rocketman found his perfect co-conspirator.

While Elton, left alone, could be infuriatingly saccharine, Bernie was darker. As he told Rolling Stone, "I think it's far more interesting to investigate the seamier side of things, the underbelly of life, the heartbreak".

As writer Tom Doyle explains it, "they are absolutely crucial to each other". There is no Elton John without Taupin.

If you listen to their early output, the songs cover a dizzying range of subjects and musical styles. Few songwriters have been able to write in so many genres: folk, rock, blues, Americana, soul and pop.

It's mesmerising to watch an early documentary made about them, where Elton explains how he came to write Tiny Dancer — he read the lyric, sensed a musical style and set to work, finishing the song in just a few hours.

Their magic partly comes down to their shared history, which would make a movie in itself.

Having met by chance, they laboured for years writing hits to order for Dick James Music. Dissatisfied with working for others, they decided in 1969 to write and record their own material. The album, Empty Sky, wasn't a hit but it led them to the door of producer Gus Dudgeon and arranger Paul Buckmaster, who would help them record the album Elton John, containing Your Song.

Co-opting an unknown band called Hookfoot, they began playing literate rock music quite unlike any around them.

Over time the musicians changed but the pace didn't. In just four years they delivered six albums. All ground-breaking. All hits.

The 'Elton dilemma'

What the movie focuses on, perhaps understandably, is the Elton dilemma. How a shy kid could fulfil his dreams only by becoming someone else so utterly outrageous and excessive that it tore the inner man apart, ignoring how that excess slowly bleached the true colour from his art.

Ultimately, Rocketman will tell the now hackneyed story of another rocker gone wrong.

The young man with dreams of stardom and an infinite wardrobe, who finds fame but loses himself and then of course wins through. It is after all the ultimate tale of sin and redemption. A sort of real-life superhero.

I suspect though we won't get the far more subtle story, that reveals how two people captured magic in a bottle or in this case on vinyl. And more than that, how Elton John, the self-described "fat boy from nowhere", learned to live with himself and the vast contradictions he has carried through life. As he told his biographer Tom Doyle in a candid interview:

"I thought I was getting rid of that shy boy. But you know what? You're still stuck with that shy boy inside you."

That is quite a story — not so much triumph but acceptance. Not a superhero or a fantasy but a real person. It's the basis for a pretty good song too, don't you think?

Rocketman is released on May 30.

[lhrdbf]

Cave of hey son get me daughters to fuck who you don’t want son. Leon is toms dad “ take him he’s too gay” or Teddy’s bastard out of Carolina rapist dad let me see how you rape em. Keep these boys this gay to lead us. Emily moves his mouth to think every fart is good and Jeffery thinks its on his asshole not good enough. Craig gay told me to make him Mozart and he’ll kill leon. Lied. He asked his son to make him like me last thing he asked for that day. Then get all the kids over to play to fuck Clayton. Why let him live amber. They’d all be homeless. They should be. They made it and keep it gay. Lotion has methane petroleum in it to keep you heated up can’t set me on fire electric plug just lit. They smoke anything huff it too and shoot up drugs and drink non stop all day. Life of a white kid he just does drugs all day. Pull out all Alden’s teeth with pliers. Gay pierced Albert Marie Antoinette of Leon in bed dick up ass. Fucks them in there since. Anywhere. Won’t stop reciting parrot poetry to feel those lips and eyes. Who all went gay cowboy or choir church boy. They think they’re girls won’t age mermaid vampires. Gay prince in day gay princess at night. Tell your fat girlfriend stop sending him at me to fuck her. A fat white mama keeps kid and her mouth together smoking crack meth chlorine and sex together held all day to go to dad and anyone to do the same so the man doesn’t get mad. Women then share all their shit together with them. Pilgrims food after fucking together next to each other on the ground. Leon pussy finger fucked his son Craig to keep gathering them all together. Leon says his fingers are for that. And a kiss keep it. Clayton and every man rapes their kids on a stool in their garage drink this fluid. Started at green field village then there. Thinks every mouth movement he makes is a kiss and says it’s a kiss on your puss high imagines it too that’s when they orgasm they see through the light or see the light. And making a kid like you is easier to fuck you. We see you at ease. Then fuck. Whose gonna go. It’s kidnapping every time too we don’t care. New Jersey was keep shitting out kids they have another baby every year fatgirl lies and Liposuction sex after her slut child is born. plastic surgeon fake france mansion in New York. Yea teddy look outside what Germany. Play a sport be a giant tell them all yes. Hand them all 50$ to get paid for the basketball game. They call money finger food and a space by my ass deliverance Beth said it and talk about us guy doesn’t want you sends his friend instead to fuck you and no way out girls we always fuck you. And no jobs get up and run around. Basketball sports players only ones getting the most money to throw it back so they all shut up by the end of the day. Gym teacher to say who fucks me today for a 50. And no one cares didn’t say anything and no one does anything. No. You’re gonna get big hooked together for sex I film it and leave the room. Gas vents I made so what tickles you all day. Yourself. Can’t win a fight against me and no I don’t have sex I’m not pleased. They think they are white trash good all day yea in coke I’m in the clothes princess. They keep making more kids to put in New Jersey’s their skin after. Beth is the assistant to the raiders and paul and paul revere. Kill him. They sucked their dads dicks all day moms died. Leon and Beth on ground next to each other. They vacation all fucking day you let them do it for what a army plane. All gay. They’re still all that gay. Beth tells them run it’s not safe. They think sucking their dads dick is hotter tastes like crack meth anyways. And anyone can write down got raped. And hey teddy got a award for deedee getting raped. $3. Clayton would bite their crotch off after to look like boys to hang around with them and have fun. What plane again work together who Ville get the gas. Timmy got mad a stick in his nigger dads dick would kill him. They think they’re safe.