#this is the last piece i am selling before we move! after this nothing new until the new studio is setup....so bittersweet 😭 | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

jodilin65 · 21 years ago

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SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 30, 2003 On this last day of November, I sit and think about how I am not looking forward to December. It could very well be a pretty shitty month. Why is something doing this to us? Just what is it that wants us out of here so badly, and is it something that’s against us being here, or against anyone being here? Well, if it’s a restless spirit of some kind that may’ve died here many years ago, then the next people will get shit, too. As for our breakage curse (now the fuser on my laser printer’s acting up); that follows us wherever we go, so even if we get out of here before the well breaks again there’ll only be trouble with the next one.

There goes the renters to haul water. Their place looks shitty as usual, but their dog’s been quieter at night. That’s because it’s so cold, so the poor thing’s probably using up all its energy shivering in the cold and has none left over for barking. As soon as the sun comes up it starts up, though. It does its thing when it sets, too.

Anyway, I’ve been a little bummed and anxious with all this uncertainty going on. Tom said not to worry about us ending up homeless and that if worse came to worse, we could get an acre right here in Maricopa and put a piece of shit on it, but I’d hate to have to do that. No, it wouldn’t be Brattleboro, Valleyhead, Estrella Jail, a house in the city or an apartment, but it’d be plenty noisy enough. In a place as open as this where everyone’s dogs are kept outdoors 24/7, the barking would be pretty obnoxious. If we can’t get more land, I really don’t want to have to get any less than what we’ve already got, but as Tom pointed out, if we do, it’d be easier to fence. Maybe even put up a block wall if it’s going to be just an acre.

A part of me is wondering if another reason we may end up being forced out of here is to prevent us from making a lot of money off this place in the future. If that’s the case, then we’re wasting our time trying to make money with websites.

So many questions, never any answers! See, I knew God would replace my old freeloader problems with new ones, but I’d certainly rather this over the array of past problems I’ve had.

Here goes the renters again. I swear we’ve had more traffic on Ralston in just the first year they lived here than in all the time we were here before they arrived. Last night alone, as I was drifting off to sleep, I heard them go by 6 different times. They all might not have been coming/going from their place, but I’m sure most of them were. I’m sure it’ll be like this when we move too, and that we’ll be next to rentals with virtual junkyards and tons of people and dogs that are home constantly.

Anyway, Tom checked for me and Walmart sells 25-packs of incense for just 84¢ while they’re $1.75 for a 20-pack at Incense Galore. I’m still going to buy from Incense Galore, though, as they have a huge variety. Walmart incense will be good for in-between orders.

I haven’t worked on my current story, A New Life, a New Love in several days. There’s no hurry. I’ll get to it when I get to it.

I have one thing to look forward to in the midst of all this shit and that’s that tomorrow we’re going to the bookstore. I just hope it exists! We’ll call them first to make sure they haven’t moved so we don’t end up going out for nothing like we did the last time, though we wanted to get pets that day, too. I also hope we can sell some of the stuff we want to sell, too.

Lastly, I hope to get a letter from Mary. That’d cheer me up and take one more worry off my shoulders. I mean, it’s not like her to not respond about my last book, the photo contest and all that’s been going on with us.

There’s now just one mouse left.

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 29, 2003 Well, I’ll be damned. Netflip actually credited me the rest of the money owed to me which is a total of $23.90. The next step is to get them to send the damn check.

After this year, I don’t think I’ll bother printing out journals anymore. I figure there’s no need to waste paper and ink when I have them on two hard drives, one floppy disk and one CD. It’s not like Tom and I are ever going to “break up” where I’ll need to print copies to take with me.

I skipped my walk yesterday, but am down a pound because I watched my cals yesterday. I had roughly around 1400 and so now I’m 127. The problem is that this is as low as I seem to be able to get, so I won’t count on dropping any more. I can’t even remember the last time I was 125. I know it was over a year ago because it was last New Year’s when I discovered I could no longer lose weight but a few measly pounds. I can pull myself down to 127 from 130, but not to the 100-110 I used to be able to pull myself down to.

I hope I finally hear something from Mary today if Tom stops at the PO, but either way, I should mail her Christmas card off on Monday. That way, if there’s any delay with the increase in mail volume, it will still get to her on time. With Christmas being her favorite holiday, she’s bound to love it.

I don’t know why New Year’s Eve was always my favorite holiday. We never got presents at that time. Perhaps it’s because most of my life was so shitty that each new year presented a ray of hope if only a teeny weenie bit and even if it was usually false hope in the end. Also, it was the only real time I felt “free.” Free from Dureen’s wrath and control. Being able to stay up so late was quite a big thrill, too.

I’m especially looking forward to this new year despite the fact that it’ll be filled with lots of uncertainty. This will be our first year without the welfare bums being a part of our lives since 1996.

Later…

I just walked a mile in 20 minutes and Tom’s out doing one of God’s favorite things he stuck in his cards for him to do – fixing the truck.

What a strenuous workout I had, yet it makes me feel good! It’s easily the equivalent of Mary running up and down the stairs like she says she does. I don’t think you can find a much harder workout than this. I can only manage a few quick scattered spurts of jogging. For the most part, though, I can’t go much faster than 4 MPH on this thing. One really needs to already be in good shape in order to handle this thing.

FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 28, 2003 The renters, who add more and more junk and vehicles to their yard “décor” each month, are back to trashing us again. I see at least a few clumps of their shit towards the back of our land, but it’s okay. We’ll be moving in late February, from what my vibes and logic tell me (to northern Arizona or Nevada). If I’m wrong and we stay, we’ll just fence up and make it harder for their shit to blow over here.

I got a really cool paper sample in the mail today. It’s this super high-gloss paper that makes the pictures you print out look like actual photographs.

I decided to send Paula tons of samples, too. I know she’ll dig them.

I had a bad truck vibe the other day, and sure enough, the water pump blew, so now he’s got to replace it, using the one from the green truck. I’m just so glad we’ve got two vehicles so that when one craps out on us like it does every other day, we can at least use the other one. Anyway, the breakage curse just never ends. It never fucking ends. I don’t know how we’re going to get the time to try to get ahead in life when all we do is get set back over and over and over again.

We talked about it, and we both agree that since we have no respect for our so-called “fellow” human beings what with the way there are so many sick, evil people out there, to take advantage of their stupidity and vulnerability. They’ve taken from us and fucked us over, so why not return the favor? Maybe that’s why God never punishes our perps. Maybe he’s just waiting for us to give them a taste of their own medicine on our own, and so we’re thinking of running some sort of online scam. There are a variety of things we can do that are considered wrong by most, but still legal. I won’t write much more about it till we come up with a more concrete idea, but one idea is to be an online psychic. I’m the real thing, unlike most of the quacks out there, but when I don’t get any vibes, I’ll have to make them up. There’s also the possibility of the popular “get rich” thing where you spend money to work instead of making money from working. There are a lot of desperados out there who believe they can turn the tables eventually and make some of the money they’ve been spending, but meanwhile, they’ll pay to work.

Tom finished my third book and agreed that it’s the best one so far and that I’m getting more and more professional with my writing.

Still nothing from Mary. I’m surprised, too. I mean, I know she’s had her spells where she didn’t write for a week or two, but she’s usually pretty good with feeling what I feel and quickly responding to it when something good or bad comes up. In other words, I thought she’d have been psyched right along with me about the photo contest and quick to say so, as well as eager to send words of encouragement over the well crisis and hard time we’re having. Certainly, my book didn’t scare her to death which I haven’t even heard about yet. Nah, she’s tougher than that. I guess she’s just broke herself and isn’t able to write because if something were wrong, I’d think her aunt would’ve notified me.

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 27, 2003 Last night’s wake-up call was a round of sonic booms. That’s twice in less than a week that I’ve been woken up in rural Maricopa! I’m so sick of being punished with this house. The question is, though, am I really being punished for living in a luxurious house, by an evil spirit that lurks here, or for leaving the city? Well, I started getting slight moving vibes last night (to northern AZ?), so maybe I’ll find that out soon enough. Unless Tom finds a job that pays tremendously well right off the bat, we’re definitely out of here. I look forward to change. Especially if the changes are good ones or at least going to lead to good ones, but I have my fears about it, too. Will we get stuck in the city during the transition? Will there be more sonic booms where we move to? Will other bad things happen if we move? The unknown can be both frustrating and scary at times. I just wish I had somewhat of a sense of what’s going on! Meanwhile, I’m going to try to stay on days if they’re going to return to flying every day.

Yesterday, in 3 or 4 spurts, I walked 2 miles in 40 minutes. I’m walking further in less time now that I’m getting used to this thing, but because it’s so damn strenuous, I can’t really go faster than a 3- or 4-MPH pace.

WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 26, 2003 Now I’m in the 2000s on Memolink.

My last letter to Mary was returned saying that the word puzzle I sent wasn’t allowed and I’m like fuck this shit with things being sometimes allowed and sometimes not allowed! It doesn’t seem to be a matter of what is/isn’t allowed so much as it seems to be a case of whether or not the receiving officer wishes to okay it. It all depends on the officer. From now on, I’m not sending anything other than letters, journals and drafts. I’m not even sending graphics because, for all I know, the pictures of dolls that were always acceptable may suddenly not be acceptable should they be received by an officer high on control.

Anyway, I still haven’t heard from her, so I don’t know what’s going on. If there’s anything new going on with the case, I don’t know. I never bother to check because I figure she’ll tell me about it herself when something comes up.

I got a letter from Paula yesterday which was nice. I even spoke to her because I wanted to know if the incense stick I sent made it to her in one piece, but she hasn’t been to her box. She has a cold, she says. I told her I’d concentrate on putting a spell on her to make it better and that I’d call back to find out if it worked.

She still wants me to make her CDs of people like Ashanti, Nsync, R. Kelly, Madonna, Mariah Carey, TLC and stuff like that, but like I told her, my burner’s broken and we’re broke, too. I’m also sick of giving to those who won’t give to me. The least she can do, for example, is send me the money to ship her the incense I don’t want when it comes time, though as I told her, she may as well wait till I’ve sampled all the ones I want to sample first.

She mentioned getting settlement money from the bus accident she was involved in, but whether or not she really will, I don’t know.

All I know is that Tom and I wasted yet more money. The money on the mice was a waste since they’re all going to end up dead, and the cages were a waste too, because they’re really not all that great. I like these tubes better, though, cuz they’re smaller and they make climbing easier for the smallest rodents like mice.

Tom’s family really are such shits. Although we’d say no thanks because we’re not social butterflies or big fans of turkey, the decent thing to do would be to call to see how we’re doing, especially since they know we’re having a hard time, then to invite us over for Thanksgiving, offering at least to give us gas money.

I only have 55 incense sticks left because I’ve been burning them like crazy.

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 24, 2003 So much for the power of prayer. I should know better by now, I swear! I had hoped that God could put aside his hatred momentarily to grant my request for him to lead Tom to a decent job, but as always, he’s going to do what he’s going to do anyway, so why bother asking for help?

The renter’s dog is getting on my nerves on and off throughout the night. Since coming to Arizona I have been so annoyed by other people’s dogs that I don’t think, regardless of where we are or where we stand financially, that I want to bother getting our own dog. I wish someone would start shooting these loose dogs and teach their owners just what’ll happen to them when they let them run loose. I didn’t come out here to Maricopa for this shit or to be woken up as much as I get woken up out here. Tonight’s wake-up call was a huge explosion somewhere. I was close to getting up anyway when it happened at 9 PM, so I wasn’t in that deep of a sleep. Still, I thought it was a dream until Tom confirmed that it was real when I got up. He said he went out and checked things out, but didn’t see anything and that it was probably a transformer that blew, reminding me of the one that blew when we were in Phoenix. Oh yes, I remember it quite well and how the blast blew the mail slot open.

I told Tom I thought we ought to sell the Bowflex or try to anyway, but he said he likes having it around. Why? So he can use it twice a year and I can use it just to stay fat?

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 23, 2003 It’s not even midnight yet and it’s already down to 35º. Maricopa really is colder in the winter and hotter in the summer than Phoenix. Even the floors get cool along with our 6” walls! Especially because there’s no cellar or concrete slab for the house to rest on.

I was able to psych $15 on the last Slingo ticket and I’m going to keep on plugging away at it. I’m just sick of God punishing us for every little blessing he does give us. Things were running smoothly for months and now we gotta pay for it. Lovely. Just lovely.

Anyway, we talked about the possibilities of both staying and leaving. We definitely agree that if there was a way we could’ve fucked up when leaving Phoenix, we definitely did. We should never have gotten the well or a big fancy house. The nearly $1000 payments are a real killer. Like I said before, I don’t like the idea of trading this place in for a single-paned, thin-walled, tiny piece of shit, but I’m sick of struggling and I’d like more land and fewer people. Moving here and the way we went about it was definitely a dumb mistake, but we were fated to fail. Again, what would be the point of cursing us with psychotic neighbors if we were only going to know how to escape it 4 years sooner than we did? There was no way God was going to let us stumble onto the fact that we could’ve gotten out as soon as the shit hit the fan, and done so without suffering as much as we did. We didn’t have to spend 4 months in trailers and motels and we didn’t have to lose so much money. But like I said, why curse someone, then show them the way?

Another mistake was these mice because they’re dying off one by one. As Tom pointed out, feeder mice that have been inbred so much tend to be more diseased. If they all die off (there are 4 left) I’m not going to replace them with anything new till we know for sure what’s going on. I’d say we’re going to end up staying for a few more years because I’m getting to like the idea of leaving more and more. Like I said, it’s only the house itself I’ll miss. I’m just glad that for however long we end up here we’re not stuck in a desperate situation like we were before with seemingly no way out.

I’m also not going to miss the waves of foul smells we get in here. Tom can’t smell them as much, but when you’ve been cursed with a nose just as keen as any bloodhound’s, you smell all kinds of shit. Most of the smells are from the septic, but I’d only have to put up with this in the next place too, because there’d be a septic there as well.

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 22, 2003 There’s a tractor in front again, so maybe they are going to level the second house after all.

It’s not even 8 PM yet it’s cold. It’s in the 40s which means it’ll probably be in the 20s come 5:00! It hadn’t been that cold this year till it got windy early this morning, causing a cold front to surge through.

Well, I guess I’ll go trim my bangs now which need to be trimmed for the third time this month.

FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 21, 2003 Today was Tom’s last day at the proving grounds. He’s going to sign up once again for unemployment, though he hopes to be paid by his next job, whatever that may be before he has a chance to receive unemployment. He’s going to take anything he can get, he said, and I was like, but you just had anything you could get, so why go from one shit job to another? Because he needs to be on nights, he told me, so he can have the days open for interviews. He has a point there. I always did tell him that first shift sucks for a reason. When you work during business hours, that leaves hardly any time for appointments, shopping, etc.

We were talking about the pros and cons of moving. We both agree we don’t want to be forced to sell, but we don’t want to stay either. I hate it when fate or others go and make our decisions for us, yet if moving means moving on to something better, then why not? On the other hand, if the price of moving again is going to be another half a year in jail, then I’d rather stay put. It’s one of those things we won’t know until and if it happens or until I get any vibes, but one thing that’s comforting to know is that we know more now than we did the last time around. A lot more.

I have no vibes either way at this time, but I keep seeing a brown building with an elevator in it, whatever that means. There is one thing I do know and that’s that no, we won’t always be in Arizona for the rest of our lives. Where we’ll end up, beats me.

Since a journal is a place for honesty, then I’ll say that I’m wishing once again that his mom would go belly up. We could really use our inheritance right about now, and of course it’d really put a stop to whatever she may be sending Doe and Art, though they’d just get Mary to pick up where Marge left off to play spy and report with. Well, while I may not be able to put a clamp on Marge and Miss Prefect’s big mouths, I can at least make sure they never get another picture of me, just in case they are exchanging a bit more than Merry Christmases and Happy Chanukahs, and every ounce of my gut instinct says they are too, just like it said that they were paying Kim to keep tabs on me. I doubt they’re paying Marge, though.

What I don’t understand is why my life is so important to Doe and Art. Okay, so I’m their daughter, but at the same time, I’m not their daughter and I haven’t been their daughter for years now and I never will be again, so what’s the point? Just what do they get out of it?

Since there’s never going to be a “judgment day,” which I’ll explain in a minute, I can now write all the therapeutic stories of revenge on the blacks and Mexies I so desire. I always knew deep down there’d never be a judgment day anyway and that Tom was probably just saying there would be to make me feel better, even if he might’ve truly meant it at the time, and I also knew that God would forever protect my perps.

Anyway, judgment day was going to be just what it says; we were going to hunt down as many of my perps down as we could and punish them for trashing my life be it by laser guns or whatever. We wouldn’t have done the same thing for all of them so that a common denominator wouldn’t have stood out like a sore thumb. We would’ve also made sure to leave no evidence and make their tragedies look like accidents. A laser gun burns itself up and would’ve appeared like their house caught fire for no apparent reason. In the end and in reality, revenge, punishment, torture, pain, suffering and ultimately death, will never be mine for these people except for in my fantasies. So much so that a state like Arizona would surely arrest me if they could read and display an eighth of the deadly fantasies I have in regard to these subhuman parasites that God so dearly blesses!

I’m still enjoying my incense. I don’t care about it staining furniture, walls or ceilings, but I worry about it staining the dolls and their clothes in time. I hope it won’t, though. I did online research about it and couldn’t find anything that says it will, but if I see any discolorations appearing around here, I’ll stop using the stuff.

As my writing continues to improve with time, I may one day rewrite the story of my life. I can’t make it any less sad, but I can make it better written.

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 20, 2003 Just thought I’d jot down some thoughts before I go work some more on my story. Well, I’m filled with a bit of anxiety, stress and trepidation right now, though it’s nothing compared to what the freeloaders put me through. Not even a microscopic fraction. But it’s there, nonetheless. I always knew that once God finally cleansed my life of the freeloaders, He’d replace the problem with a new one. The question is how bad will it get and how long will it last?

I know Tom will ultimately end up making good money again and that we could always find some other place to live. That’s not my main concern. What worries me is us struggling indefinitely and or being forced back to the city that never wanted to let me go. This is the worst state for city living. The houses are too close and the apartment walls are paper thin. It’s way too noisy and chaotic for me. I couldn’t stand to deal with it all over again – the slamming doors, the loud stereos thumping, the screaming kids, the endless ball-bouncing games, the barking dogs, etc.

As of yesterday, I got used to the treadmill again. I could walk on it indefinitely, but not only is more not better, but I also don’t want to walk too much because it’ll just make me hungry and I’ll just end up replacing the calories I burned. If I’m going to stay 30 pounds overweight and not become 40, 50 or even more pounds overweight, I need to do something, but it doesn’t have to be a case of overkill either. I’m only walking 20-30 minutes a day, along with my arm and ab exercises. I’m 127 and I’m determined to stay there. I’ll never be the 100, 105, 110 or even the 115 I’d settle for, but I’m going to fight one last time to keep from comfortably settling into the 130s, then the 140s and so on and so forth. It’s my body, damn it, and I should be the one driving it!

Later…

Wow, I just felt and heard a huge sonic boom. They don’t usually do that at this hour either. I’m glad I was awake when that one hit. See, I worry about that as far as moving further out goes. If they can still fly over a rapidly growing community, even if it’s not that often anymore, then they certainly can fly over Nowhere Land.

I found one of the 7 mice I now have dead and one sick, so that’s not good. Hopefully, the rest will pull through.

Still no mail from Mary, though I decided to send both her and Paula letters. I even enclosed one of the incense sticks I didn’t like in Paula’s letter. Hopefully, it’ll get to her intact. I’ll call to find out at some point.

I was teasing her on the phone the other day and insisting that she’s suffering from “Ricanitis” because of how she likes PRs.

Incense Galore had always been good about answering my questions, but when I asked if the stuff leaves stains or soot over time, I got no response. This makes me think the answer could be yes. The stuff still hasn’t bothered my lungs or nose, but it sometimes irritates my eyes. Last night they felt like I’d been crying.

Michael Jackson’s being charged with child molestation again. This doesn’t surprise me. He’s quite a dedicated little pedophile. However, he has the 4 most important things in his favor and that’s his color, his gender, his fame and his fortune. He’ll get off even though he claims that he had been helping this family for a while and the more generous he was, the more they took advantage of him, so he cut them off and now they’re spiting him.

Tom agrees with me that guilty or not he’ll get off, but he also reminded me of the fact that we’re going through a time where they’re really cracking the whip on crimes against children, which led to a discussion about the cycles and trends society seems to go through. While people’s priorities may fluctuate over time, one thing sadly remains the same and that’s that everybody wants everybody else to be just like them. In other words, they may not be so quick to drug up minors like they were in the past, thinking that some magic pill would solve all their problems, but they’re on a big kick right now to dope up adults with ADD. As Tom pointed out, people are supposed to be different and they just can’t seem to get that through their thick skulls. You simply can’t make people take pills to get them to be carbon copies of one another. I can see drugging or punishing those who hurt other people, but it’s like me and blacks for example. I hate them in general and I’m sure I always will. However, I don’t go around insisting that something be done to make them just like me. I simply do my best to avoid them as much as I can instead.

Having the kind of parents I had, I can truly say that I was definitely a kid in the wrong era. It was perfectly legal to beat your kids on up till around the 90s. My mother could’ve slapped me silly in front of a cop and nothing would’ve happened. Especially in a town like Longmeadow. How I wish someone had cared enough about me to help me! So many people knew what was going on, too. It was no secret. Then again, what difference would it have made? I’d just have ended up in foster homes, funny farms and schools that were even worse sooner than I eventually did.

WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 19, 2003 Tom was able to get a cheap ash-catcher at Walmart when he did the grocery shopping today, so that’s one less thing to order if I ever order more incense online and if I ever get the $88 I now have.

I guess our new neighbors are spending the night at their old place. There are no lights on over there tonight.

Friday’s going to be his last day at the proving grounds. Once again they tried to pull their bullshit “Oh, but we have a good position opening up real soon” line on him, but he told them that if it didn’t open up by Monday, he was outa there. He’s only taking home $275 a week. Meanwhile, our house payment is something like $900. That leaves shit for food, electricity, plus extras like phone time and internet access.

I still think this struggling is going to go on for many more months. I mean, I just can’t imagine him finding a really good job just like that. It takes years to work your way up to really good pay. Jobs that pay really well from the get-go are few and far between. God wouldn’t be that nice to us anyway, and lead him to a good job right off the bat. Like I said before, though, what’s the point of a good job anyway if things are going to come up to set us back? Any extra money we do have only ends up going to repairs half the time.

I’m just so pissed at God for letting this happen! As if we haven’t been screwed over enough? As if we haven’t struggled enough? Setbacks are almost always a bitch to overcome. It may take no time at all to get set back, but it doesn’t take just a few weeks or a few months to climb back up. It usually takes a lot longer than that. I don’t think things will improve (if we don’t lose the house) till between April and June. I just hope to hell that this is one of those rare cases where I’m wrong. What’s discouraging is that so far the only thing I was wrong about concerning money is when the stocks would sell. I didn’t think they’d sell before ’03, but they did. That’s the only financial screw-up I’ve vibed so far so that track record alone is not encouraging.

So, he got in pretty late today what with having to go all the way out to Casa Grande for groceries, so he ate, spent quality time with me and the lovable family vermin, then off to bed he went.

TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 18, 2003 Of the first incense order, my favorites have turned out to be honey, fruit, obsession, baby powder, joy, escape, watermelon, grape, butter rum, bump & grind, hot love, and sexy. Who knows how long it’ll be before I make another order? There are something like 180 more scents I’d like to try, so I’ll probably sample 90 of them next time, then the other 90.

In a couple of weeks or so we’re going to hope to get Little Fella a friend since rats don’t like living alone. I also hope to sell books, CDs and a couple of old Gloria videos in exchange for books at a place in Mesa.

I’m surprised there hasn’t been any mail from Mary so far this week, but I did get a lot more samples. A few tooth-whitening toothpaste samples and lots of skincare ones. One of the skincare companies sent what almost amounted to a small order. I got 4 little jars and 2 little bottles of stuff. I also got lots of toothpaste coupons as well as all-natural sweetener samples that contain fiber.

Later…

So much for hoping it’d be a while yet before people started moving in in front. Someone’s moving into the house closest to us. I can see lights on over there. That really sucks. That’s all the more noise we’ll have to put up with and dogs that will traipse through here. I just hope it’s nothing more than screaming kids and barking dogs because most of that can only be heard outdoors, but if they turn out to blast either car stereos or indoor stereos with doors and windows open, then we’ll hear the thumping in here with no problem. Same goes for loud motors. I hate it when people sit with loud engines idling or when they gun the damn thing. If they don’t have a dog yet, then I guarantee you they will within a week or two. No one lives out here without dogs and guns except us. I’m just glad they’re not just a few feet away!

I still really like this Delaware mannequin site and the way they add new ones quite often, but I don’t like how they never answered my email when I inquired about availability a few months from now on a particular model named Robin. I know there could be a million logical explanations as to why they haven’t responded, but until I know of any, I always think it’s an incompetence thing.

Later…

I heard car doors and an engine idling and looked out front. The lights are now off over there and there’s a van of some kind leaving the property. Perhaps they’re not all moved in just yet which would explain why I haven’t heard new barking yet. I know they’re more than just a few feet away, but I really hate having a house this close to us. When I envisioned us moving here, hearing car doors and barking as well as being able to see over a dozen houses from ours, was not part of the plan. Well, hopefully, hopefully, they won’t come and go so many times a day and they won’t always be home. The more people are home, the more it seems to stir up the dogs, no doubt because they want to come in and be part of the family. It’s so mean the way so many people don’t pay their dogs any attention. I think it’s wrong to either never allow a dog indoors or never allow them outdoors except to piss and shit.

Anyway, as soon as the dog(s) get over there, I’ll probably have to use the sound machine in my office to drown it out so I can concentrate, and just use the fan for sleeping.

They still haven’t put the other house level with the ground and I doubt they ever will. Of course they just had to level the one with the trees blocking it. Meanwhile, why not keep the one in perfect view in even more perfect view by keeping it elevated?

I asked Tom and he said all we could get for this place right now would be $140,000. With property-splitting becoming such a popular trend, that’d make this place all the more valuable in time as sooner or later there won’t be many 10-acre parcels left. I just hope God lets us decide when to move and doesn’t make up our minds for us, but I know better than to count on him for free will or any other kind of freedom of choice. I almost have to laugh when I hear those who say they “gave their lives to the lord.” Meanwhile, I’m always trying to get mine away from him! I’d really, really prefer it if we could make our own decisions most of the time and not have him, fate or others make them for us!

I was watching a talk show earlier about poor women having kids. I know love is more important than money, but it still bugs me to see women have kids who can’t afford them. All they end up doing is putting the responsibility on others or mooching off the state when they do that. If they have an accident, though birth control used properly should very rarely fail, it’s okay if they’re against abortion, but at least give the poor kid up for adoption or to a friend or relative and don’t have any more till you’re financially set. People just don’t think before they act a lot of the time. I guess we’re only human, though. I’ve done some pretty dumb things myself in life.

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 17, 2003 I decided to call Paula and use some of these minutes up before they expire. She says they put a long-distance block on her phone and so she can’t call me. She asked about the incense, but again, I’m sick of doing for others who won’t do for me so the incense I don’t like is either going to sit here on a shelf or get thrown out. I’m not going to let her keep taking advantage of my generosity. Besides, we’re too broke right now for me to go sending packages. She says she’ll send a letter and $5 to send it, but I know better. Especially the $5 part.

My quads are sore today, that’s how strenuous this treadmill is. I should give my legs a rest today and work on my arms and abs. I’m down to 127 and I had been bouncing between 129-130 for days. I’m really surprised I’m not well into the 130s yet, but I probably will be sooner or later. People don’t just tend to gain weight upon entering their 30s and that’s it. They also tend to gain in 1- to 10-pound increments throughout their lives every 5-10 years.

A bang of some sort woke me up at 9:30, then again at 12:30, but I was ready to get up then anyway. Still, I’m sick of the periodic wake-up calls, and I’m sick of the renter’s fucking dogs having free rein in this place as well!

I guess it’s two to three. The two things I’d miss if we moved would be this house and having a decent convenience store 13 miles away versus the 20-30 it’d be if we moved. However, I still do like the idea of more land, being further away from civilization, and the extra money.

I’m back to thinking I’d prefer outer fences versus inner ones if we stay. We can still do inner ones, but with outer ones, we could be anywhere on the land we wanted to be and not have to worry about dogs. I know, for example, we’re seldom out by the well, but when we are, I’d want to know no dogs could run up to us.

These surveys have proven to be as much of a waste of time as I figured they’d be. On the rare occasion that I do get an offer for a survey in exchange for points or money, all I get is “Sorry, you don’t qualify for this survey.”

What’s going on with us right now is a prime example of why I totally disagree with those who believe we’re in control of our own destinies. Like Tom chose to spend all those years building himself up to where he was just to have someone come and tear it all down for him? Yeah, right! If that’s what people believe, then they might as well also believe I chose to get fat and to have asthma.

So much of my life has been out of my control, that in a sense, I’m surprised God didn’t make a kid part of my plans because then I’d really have no life I could call my own. I really truly believe that life ends with children and so many mothers have told me so. Not that some of them necessarily mind the trade-off, but once you have kids, your life belongs to them and not you at least till they’re on their own.

How strange it would be to have first thought we would lose the house to the welfare bums, then end up losing it to lack of money. I’m just sick of this up-and-down rollercoaster shit. It’s not fair! Each time we get kicked down I’m more afraid to pull back up because we always, always lose whatever we achieve. I’m sick of this ‘sometimes we have money, sometimes we don’t shit. No matter what we do, we just can’t seem to ever get ahead, and when we do, it’s always temporary.

Later…

I didn’t have the power to work my magic on the last 4 tickets, but it seems I’ve warded off cold number two of Tom’s. The morning should tell us for sure.

I told him about the bangs that woke me up, explaining that each time it was one quick bang. This is why I doubt it was a sonic boom. It didn’t have the rumble a sonic boom has and there was no vibration to go with it. Then he told me he heard bangs this weekend when I was sleeping with the fan on and he went out and checked to find it was coming from one of the farms several miles away.

I’ve got to start either sleeping with the fan on at least medium or a lower-pitched sound on the sound machine. It’s usually the low-pitched sounds that wake me up, so I have to match the pitch with the low rumble of the box fan or certain other sounds.

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 16, 2003 I did some more research concerning weight loss and exercise, but I really didn’t learn anything new. They talked about how one could be fat and fit at the same time as well as skinny and out of shape. Also, one would probably end up disappointed if they thought exercise alone would cause them to lose weight like I did when we first got the Bowflex, and how cutting calories is most important, but that adding exercise should help with the process. Jogging and very brisk walking for an hour should burn roughly 500 calories. Well, I still don’t think I could lose a pound a week like most people probably could by walking an hour a day and watching my calorie intake, but I am going to walk every day for as long as I can stand. I prefer to break it up into multiple spurts rather than do it all at once, though, as working out for long periods of time tends to make a person quite hungry.

Speaking of hunger, ironically, ever since I first took those appetite suppressants I haven’t been hungry all the time like I used to be. In fact, it’s been a week now since I’ve even taken any.

Anyway, I dragged the treadmill out into the living room so I could walk under the ceiling fan. I hate the damn thing and it really, really kicks your heartbeat up like crazy, but little by little I’ll build up the stamina for it like I’ve done before. I’d still prefer a motorized flat treadmill so I could walk steadily, rather than this thing that makes you feel like you’re climbing up a steep hill with a 40-pound sack on your back, but it’s better than nothing. I can’t jog in place as long as I can walk because my feet end up killing me after a while.

Although I don’t have any bad vibes in particular, I still fear we may end up being forced to sell this place. Not just because something doesn’t want us here, but because something likes me to be stuck in places I don’t want to be in, and cities are one of those places. That could happen in between moving to the next place like it did when we moved from Phoenix, although as Tom pointed out, we know more now than we did then.

On the other hand, I really do like the idea of moving to a bigger piece of land further away from people. The only thing I’d miss would be this house, but I know that in time we could build one just as nice if not nicer.

Tom’s going to be looking for jobs as aggressively as he can, then we’ll weigh the pros and cons of all our options and make a decision then. I mean, if he could get a good job soon enough, then maybe we’ll finally, finally, get the damn fences as well as more olies and stay here for another 5 or more years. I asked Tom what his guess was as to whether or not he thinks we’ll move or stay here and fence up, but he hasn’t got a guess. I think we’ll be here a while yet, but I can’t imagine us getting fences anytime soon. We haven’t yet and he was making great money, so I don’t see why we would ever fence this place, particularly the outer perimeters.

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 15, 2003 Walter and his son finally came to get their damn rig. Good. Now I don’t have to sleep with the fan on high, which I don’t like to do in the winter as opposed to the sound machine with hopes of it drowning them out but they came after I got up. He left the rig here for a week the last time too because they finished at night and the old junker has no lights.

Typical people, though, not putting their actions where their mouths are. They said they’d haul the metal pipes that were replaced up to the house but didn’t. So like always, we were left to clean up after others. Fortunately, there weren’t too many of them. Tom’s thinking of using them as supports for a carport.

At least I managed to rig one of the two Slingo tickets we got today for $20. I don’t think I’m going to be able to win big for a while, if ever, because we were meant to struggle. What would be the point of God allowing us to win big if he wants to curse us financially like he obviously does? As it is, we’re going to have to use the pennies I’ve been saving up as well as the state quarters we’ve been collecting. It is so, so unfair. Especially at our age and with how hard Tom works.

Imagine how good I could do at psyching winning tickets for others, though, since I’m so good at making money for others. Yes, God definitely sees me as a profit to others. I wouldn’t mind helping a friend like Mary out, though. I mean, why not? If the least I can do is help others, then fine. It’s not like it’d be done at my own expense if she bought scratch tickets and had me try to do my thing. We can try it when she gets out if she wants me to. A lot of people get spooked by the thought of psychics, so I don’t know if she’d want me to try to do it. We’ll see. Unless she’s not meant to have money herself, I really think I could do it.

In other news, my testimonial is now on Incense Galore’s testimonial page. I emailed them and told them I had gotten to like most of the incense and was glad I gave it another chance. Bob, the owner, wrote back saying he was glad to hear it, it meant a lot to him, and could he get me to say something about it for other people with my medical condition? So I provided positive feedback. This ought to get him more business. As I said, I’m a real profit to others, but at least I’m worth something to someone!

I now have $68 that I don’t have.

Tom sealed up the bathroom wall. Once we put joint compound on it, plus the little mini mural, no one will ever know it was cut open.

As for the diet, I never did do it. I figured it’d be pointless to set myself up for failure. I mean, why do something I know I can’t do? Besides, the longer you’re fat, the more you tend to get used to it.

Anyway, I guess I was a real fool to think for even a second that maybe, just maybe, the cock that fired Tom was doing him a favor since he was too nice to put his foot down about all the free work he was doing. Yet he was making more money working for free half the time, as funny as I know that sounds! I always said that something never wanted us here, so this will be a good test to see just how right I am about that one, because if his pay doesn’t increase significantly by February, then we’ll lose the house. He doesn’t think we will, but Tom’s always been an extreme optimist. He always thinks everything will work out. I don’t exactly have any vibes about losing the house myself right now, but it wouldn’t surprise me if we did.

He’s thinking of hooking up with one of the temp agencies to see what they can come up with. That’s how he started at the bank, but the bank cut his pay once he was assigned a permanent position. Either way, he’s probably going to have to quit where he is now to be available for interviews.

When I told Tom just how much I’d miss this house he said we didn’t have to move and that there are other options, but I can’t see any right now. I won’t live here more than a couple more years without fences and plants for privacy and we can’t afford either of those, so I don’t know that staying here will be an option. Besides, as much as I’ll miss this house, I still think we’re a little too close to people. I hear the fucking renter’s dogs barking all night long, and of course those themselves are always hanging out there and it steals my sense of seclusion and peace. I mean, don’t get me wrong; it’s nothing, absolutely nothing compared to the hell we went through in Phoenix, but I still like the idea of our closest neighbors being 20-30 miles away. Then God can stick the always-at-home Mormon family with 20 kids and 10 dogs closest to us and we’ll never know it! As Tom pointed out, most people don’t realize you can make your own electricity and they tend to want to go where there are power lines. I asked him if he thought they’d conveniently figure it out once we moved and come out to join us, but he said it’d be a good 50 years or so before they caught on, and described other things as examples. Things that were possible long before general society realized it, so this is a case where people’s stupidity can be to our advantage. Usually, it’s the other way around because we’re the ones stuck having to pay for stupid people’s mistakes and do the work that they were too stupid to do themselves. I know I may sound conceited, but most people just aren’t like us.

Anyway, Tom says most of the people who buy land in these super remote areas do it as an investment, thinking it’ll make big money down the road.

FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 14, 2003 I could easily walk outside for 20 minutes every day if my schedule and the weather would only permit it. It may not ultimately prevent me from gaining any more weight, but it sure does make me feel good. If I don’t exercise at all I feel like a lazy wimp, so I need to do this to at least stay in shape. I don’t have much privacy what with having to walk to the tune of half a dozen adults yacking and half a dozen kids screaming, but at this distance, it’s no biggie. However, I’d still like to see the day come when our closest neighbors don’t have so many damn people and dogs within their household and are out during the weekdays, but this hasn’t been the case since ’92 and I don’t think it ever will be again.

Since Mary likes word finds and I know how boring jail can be, I took one of my Word Find books and made puzzles for her using the words from it.

I have now sampled all of the incense. Of the 80 scents I got, 15 were bad, 11 were great, and the rest were okay. If I order any more, I’ll get the favorites in bulk quantities. I’m really surprised at the ones that I ended up liking best like the fruity one, for example. It was strong, but not overwhelming and smelled oh so good! Same with the honey.

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 13, 2003 Today is such a beautiful day, as in shorts and no sleeves. After I fed and petted the cat, I walked for about 15 minutes around the house and the combination of the warm sun and a cool breeze was perfect.

Yesterday, all the pet supplies we ordered arrived. We decided not to send anything back, though my book shopping is going to have to wait. As it is, I have $61 that I don’t have, so to speak. I still hold out the hope that our financial problems will be solved soon enough, but our problems are never short-term. Whenever we’re set back like this it’s usually for months if not years. I know it won’t be years, though, because if we just can’t get ahead and it starts looking like we’re going to lose the house, we’ll just sell it and go on with our plans of more land with a shit trailer and skip the house payments.

Anyway, the cages are really cool, but I don’t know if cleaning them will be that simple. There are a lot of pieces that will need to be taken apart. The one with the glowing wheel isn’t all that impressive, though it’s still a cute cage. It’s just that it doesn’t glow very much, and the cage is very small. The cages are perfect for mice, though.

I also got a slew of beauty samples in the mail and a letter from Bob. He said my jailhouse journals make for good reading, but it’s going slow for him because his eyes are bad.

As is the case with most controlled environments, there are always new rules and changes occurring where he is. The latest one is that they can no longer receive envelopes or stamps, so the 3 envelopes I sent him will go to waste.

I decided not to bother getting the trimmer because I so rarely cut my hair and when I do, I like to cut a few inches. It also needs evening out periodically and the trimmer couldn’t do that.

Later…

Shiny finally got brave enough to enter the house, but he didn’t go very far. I’m sure he’ll go farther and farther each time, and that’s fine with me since he’s declawed and seems to be a gentle, harmless cat, but he’s often filthy with the dirt and weeds he rolls around in. He seems to be getting bigger now that we’re feeding him. His lack of claws would explain why he was so skinny; because he couldn’t kill anything. Anyway, he was in and out a couple of times. Whenever he’d lose his nerve and turn towards the door, I’d let him out so he’d know he’d never be trapped in here. Then, at one point, he saw something outside that I didn’t see and went charging after it. Whatever it was (probably a rabbit) was down towards the utility end of the house and we were in front at the time.

WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 12, 2003 It’s hard to believe it’s the middle of the afternoon. It’s so cloudy and rainy out there that it looks like early morning.

I did it again. Tom got a crossword ticket for him and a Slingo for me and they both won a total of $17! I won lotto points too, and am now up to 1803!

TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 11, 2003 The well work ended up costing $520. I am so, so mad at God. Utterly furious! How could he let this happen to us? Now’s not the time to be picking on us. Not with his shit job. I can’t stand this regular destruction of our property! I’m so fed up with the fucking setbacks! If he can’t let us get ahead in life, can’t he at least quit kicking us back down? And to let us be kicked down like that at this time is really mean, hateful and compassionless.

Tom said that despite how bad it is being cursed, and he’s always believed there was a curse on him just like I’ve always believed there was one on me, there is some consolation in it. The consolation is knowing he’s not going to be killed in a car wreck or get cancer and die, because what would be the point of killing someone you can’t curse? Something definitely wanted us to live to suffer, though we may not suffer nearly as much as we used to, especially me. I mean sure, paying $520 when we’re broke may be bad enough, but living with Dureen and Art O. was a much greater curse. So was living in the Brattleboro Retreat, Valleyhead, the NHA and Estrella Jail, to say nothing of the nearly 4 years we had to spend living next to the human parasites in Phoenix.

I can relate to what he’s saying, in a sense. There have been times when Tom would be a little late getting home and I’d start getting nervous, reminding myself of how much God hates me and that he’s both capable and cruel enough to take one’s loved ones from them in a heartbeat. Then I think to myself, yes, he hates me. With a passion, too! However, he doesn’t quite hate me that much. Then I see Tom’s car pull in and I breathe a deep sigh of relief.

While we both believe in curses as much as we believe in blessings and the supernatural, we disagree on the cause. Tom thinks he’s cursed just because, but I believe there’s a reason for everything. I don’t know what to think as to why we could be so cursed. Some say we’re being punished for the sins of our forefathers which would be so unfair, though nothing in life is fair anyway. Others say there is such a thing as reincarnation and would suggest that we weren’t very nice people in our past lives and so we’re paying for it in this one.

I don’t know about these theories. I mean, anything’s possible. One thing I do know is that God has a deep hatred toward Jews. That’s been way obvious to me. Why else would he have allowed 6 million of us to be tortured and murdered? No, he definitely likes to pick on the Jews, but why I don’t know. I’m not even Jewish, as far as I’m concerned. Just because my parents were Jewish, doesn’t mean I have to be. I’ve always been as religious as a doorknob and I plan on staying that way, too!

I hate to do it, but I probably am going to put my allowance money towards a little repair fund. We can’t even go 3-6 months without some major breakage, and I want us to be prepared so we won’t have to be so tight when these multi-hundred-dollar repairs are needed.

Walter and his son worked on the well from 9:30 to 7:30. After they left we went to Circle K for some treats because we felt we deserved it. I even got myself a $3 beanbag Gila Monster with bright metallic colors.

On the way there Tom said that he overheard how much Walter pays his son. He gets $2 a link. We have 38 pipes, so that’s $76. I’d say the kid made out really good at our expense. I wasn’t kidding when I said we do a damn good job of making money for others. We’re definitely, definitely a financial asset to anyone but ourselves. If God could’ve spoken to others in regard to me the day I was born, he’d have said, “Use her, abuse her, and make as much money as you can off of her.”

The problem did turn out to be a hole caused by corrosion. It occurred in the very last pipe right above the pump. This pipe was replaced with one of the old plastic ones which aren’t supposed to corrode like metal ones do. So just like the last time, instead of the water being pumped straight up through the pipes, it’d be pumped up out the hole and back down into the ground again. The further down the pipes are, the more susceptible to corrosion they get as there’s more water the further down you go.

These are one of the many catastrophes in life where I’m glad we don’t have kids to make things twice as hard and twice as expensive. I’m also glad, as funny as it may sound, that God isn’t in the habit of answering my prayers. If he had taken Marge when I wanted him to, then who would we run to for money? If this woman doesn’t have empathy enough by now to give us a Christmas bonus this year, she never will.

Tom suggested I try putting a general spell on us and see if it’ll help ward off whatever evil haunts and harasses us, but I doubt I can do that. God’s not going to allow me the powers to do things he doesn’t want done, and again, what would be the point of cursing someone if they’re either dead or able to ward it off?

Sometimes I wonder why we bother to forge ahead when something up there is only going to come and tear down what we’ve achieved. I want so bad to have 5 minutes alone with the cock that fired Tom, but I know that if I ever even so much as thought of fighting back against those who have wronged us, God would punish me all the more, so I’m forced to simply grin and bear it.

Both Tom and I agree that I’m getting better and better at rigging scratch tickets with my mind, but to remove the curse in general? I just can’t imagine being able to do that. Rigging tickets is hard enough as it is because there’s so much I have to mentally alter. I have to rig the call letters/numbers, then the game board part itself, then the barcode where winning tickets are scanned for verification.

I’ve gotten to like some of this incense, though I’m still not sure I’ll ever reorder. Especially not if I’m going to turn my fun money into a repair savings account. As much as I wanted the mannequin, the dolls, the DVD, the trimmer, I know I can do without them. Shopping is fun, but material things aren’t the most important things in life, surviving is. Mary’s stamps are all gone now, so I’ll probably make a point of mailing out just one envelope a week.

I just hope we’re out of here before the next scheduled attack on the well. They’re going after it again in late ’06 or early ’07 and I totally trust my vibes on that one after being right on everything else, including this latest attack which I predicted nearly to the day. On the other hand, this shit will happen to us no matter where we go, and if we go to a place even more remote than this, then that’s all the more reason we’ll have to have a well. We can’t haul water if there’s no one around to get the water from in the first place.

I have to wonder if another possibility I’m cursed like this could be because of the spells I’ve put on those who’ve crossed me or those I care about. But I wasn’t always able to curse others so maybe the reasons for my being cursed fluctuated. Even so, there’s a good possibility that I’ve harmed many people on account of my spells. What goes around really does come around. An example of that is that for years I’d bitch about how my parents were never going to pay for their abuse towards me, but when you think about it, really think about it, you see that they are paying. They lost their daughter forever. For the rest of their lives, they can only wonder about me and hear gossip which they’ll just have to sort through and decide for themselves whether or not what they hear is true. Never again can they know what’s true for real, see me, hear me, etc. I’m forever a memory of theirs. A face in a photograph, a voice on tape, an image on video. That’s all I am. I’m like an intangible entity for them that can never really truly come to life.

Anyway, I really wish I knew what was causing this curse. I kind of think that knowing might be the key to actually doing something about it for a change. Right now all we can do is bitch about it. Still, this is why I constantly analyze the past. We can learn a lot from the past, even if it means we still can’t necessarily change the future. Looking at past curses, like the things that broke and the things I didn’t achieve that I once wanted, helps me to see and recognize any patterns that may be of whatever significance in the end.

A lot of people choose to forget the most depressing, frustrating times in their lives, and that’s all well and good. I’m all for moving on and living for the future. However, I don’t think we should completely forget the bad times because it makes us appreciate the good times all the more. This is why every Wednesday that Maricopa’s supposed to report (I’m sure that will change at some point), I’m thankful I’m not one of the ones who has to report. Every other weekday during the hours of 10 AM-3 PM, I delight in the fact that Scot won’t be stopping by.

The more I think about moving, the more I like the idea, despite the pros and cons I see in it. I don’t like the idea of living in an old dump again, I worry about sonic booms and punishments for moving, but I really like the idea of having no house payments while we build our own castle that we’ll hopefully live happily ever after in till we’re too old to live so far out. I swear, though, if we ever live in the city again it’ll be in a retirement community. I also like the idea of having more land and more spending money. How fun it’d be to have at least $100 a month to play with on top of an unlimited grocery budget!

Later…

It’d be a bizarre sort of karma if Little Buddy’s picture won money. The welfare bums cost us thousands of dollars, yet if it wasn’t for them, there’d be no bottles and this picture wouldn’t exist. I know it’ll never happen, though. Not in a million years. I may win a medal, but that’d be only because I couldn’t do anything with it.

I told Tom I think we should return the cages as soon as we get them and save the money. I can make do just fine with what we’ve got. I still have one Play City cage, 3 tanks, the maze, tubes galore, plus other accessories.

The renters, who were amazingly out of sight and sound all day yesterday, were out burning this evening. They’ve been burning almost every day, though if we had that many people in my household, we’d have to burn that often, too.

I still like to walk outside when it’s too hot for the renters to be out, but I’ve tightened my walking trail. Instead of venturing far out on the sides, I walk around the house, staying pretty close to it. That takes about a minute, that’s how long the house is. So I’d have to circle it 20 times to get 20 minutes of walking put in. Tom recommends walking every other day. That’s what I figured I’d do when my schedule calls for it (I’ll jog indoors when I’m on nights). The question is, do I walk 20 minutes, 30 minutes, 45 minutes or an hour? I guess I’ll just base it on how I feel.

While I was out there, I kept the front and side doors unlocked in case any strays got a little too friendly. It wouldn’t have made sense to open the back door as there are no stairs by it right now. Tom took those stairs and replaced the old, rickety side stairs with them before one of us could fall through and break a leg like I’ve been fearing.

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 10, 2003 I haven’t written for a few days because I’ve been too pissed off to do so. Let’s just start off by saying that I knew the quick fix on the well was too good to be true. Whatever the problem is this time, I better not find out that this is their fault (the same people that we called out the last time) or else they’re not getting a dime. I told Tom this, too. No more paying for other people’s mistakes. I’ve had enough of that shit. If this is their mistake, then it’s their responsibility to pay for it as well as to correct it.

I’m surprised no nosybodies have come to butt into things as of yet.

I’m just so sick of the setbacks and the breakage!!!!! Why can’t we ever go more than a few months without having to lose time and shell out money to stop and play fix it? I’m seriously considering saving my money and not buying things with it anymore. Too much of our stuff breaks too often and we could really use the money for all these fucking repairs.

Anyway, the well crapped out on us early yesterday morning. The well guy came out late in the afternoon to check it out, thinking the pump had malfunctioned, but Tom was sure it was a short that caused a hole in the pipe. It took two hours to pull up the 760-foot-deep pump. They’re at lunch right now.

The renters just may not be so musicless after all. I can’t swear to it that the music we heard yesterday was theirs and not the middle or furthest rental, but it probably was theirs. We couldn’t hear it inside, but it was annoying while we were out trying to talk to the well guy, Walter. Maybe that’s why they played it; because they saw us standing out there, and if people who like to get other people’s attention see people hanging out and about, then of course they’re gonna make a commotion of some kind. Dan may’ve truly repaired those trucks in which engines he used to gun, but what better way to let the world know you exist? I wasn’t the least bit surprised when he moved. I could tell that anyone who felt the need to get attention that bad where they had to blast their music and gun engines for hours at a time, was a very lonely, isolated person and they needed to be in the city with people.

Anyway, the renters may not be the neighbors from hell like what we had in Phoenix, but they really are annoying at times. Let’s see… they’ve trashed our land, their place is a hell of an eyesore, their dogs are set free to traipse all over our land even though they do have fences in front, and now they’re blasting music. And of course they’re out and about constantly. Another thing that bugs me is the traffic back there. They seem to come and go an awful lot and they don’t just simply do it. They creep in slowly in a vehicle with a loud motor, then they just sit there for a few minutes before turning the damn thing off. I guess the music and extra traffic are connected to whoever the hell they’ve got living in that trailer back there, but it’s really getting old. Their fucking dogs ran up barking to Tom and Walter yesterday when they were out by the well, and while these dogs may’ve been friendly, they’re big scary dogs, too! I’m sick of everyone’s dogs having a free run of our land. See, that’s the problem with so many people out here. They act like they’re the only ones around or like they own the neighborhood. It’s like their land is their land, your land is their land and so is everyone else’s. I just wish they’d settle down, spruce their place up a bit and keep their damn dogs to themselves!

And what about George? He’s got to know it’s illegal for someone to be living in a trailer back there like that. What would it take for him to complain or evict a tenant of his? For them not to pay their rent for a whole year?

Anyway, since we had to stop and play well for the 10th time, the bathroom wall did not get sealed up. He doesn’t like to do much of anything during the week but come home from work, eat dinner by the TV, then do a little computer work before bed, so the wall will have to wait till next weekend.

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 8, 2003 I was going to return the incense. They even said I could. But then, remembering how bad mice smell as opposed to any other rodent in the world, I decided to keep it. Especially since we got 10 mice today! We’re just not so sure that the small rats we saw will stay small enough for the cages/tubes that should arrive next week, so we got the mice instead. I got 3 Fancy mice and the rest are common mice. They’re all males and all are white, except the Fancies have some grays and tans mixed in. The commons were a little over a buck and the Fancies were 4 bucks, but she let me have them all for the common’s price. If they were all plain white, I’d still be able to tell the Fancies from the commons, as the Fancies are noticeably bigger. I just wish they’d quit fighting!

For now, I have them all set up in one of the old big tanks and the only Play City cage I still have. As always, there’s a Fancy bully in the trio of Fancies. One of them gets picked on pretty badly, but it’s really nothing serious. They won’t kill each other. I hear quite a bit of squeaking, though.

I would still love to have a super jumbo rat, but we can’t seem to find them around here. They do have these giant pouched rats that get up to 17” long, excluding their tails, but they don’t seem to be legal in the US. They’re mainly in Africa.

The only bummer was that the bookstore we went to didn’t exist anymore, so sometime next week we’re going to go to a place in Mesa that says they pay cash for books, tapes, videos, DVDs and CDs. We’ll have about 30 CDs for them, 20 books and 2 Gloria videos.

I love these new Slingo scratch tickets which are a form of bingo. I won $30! I was wrong when I said the most I’d ever won was $25, not just because I won $30 today, but because I also remembered that I won $35 playing bingo in Florida in ’89 on my 24th birthday.

Shiny comes up to me every day now. I’m glad I saved his life like I did. Had I not opened the door when I did, those damn dogs that had him boxed in by the door would’ve killed him for sure.

I’m surprised and glad to have discovered that he’s both neutered and declawed. So he once belonged to someone after all.

I got a letter from Mary yesterday. Now when am I going to hear from Bob? Anyway, Mary said she loves the Red Hot Barbie and that even one of the officers commented on her picture which I had printed on the back of the envelope. She loves the word find puzzles too, so I made her up one with words she requested, plus a few of my own with subjects like animals, recreation, and food and beverages.

I noticed my computer was sounding funny and it smelled like burnt plastic in my office. Well, it turned out that my fan died, so Tom replaced it, along with a new power supply box.

Tomorrow, since there have been no more leaks, fortunately, he’s going to seal up the bathroom wall.

FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 7, 2003 Gosh, I really wish I could get some weight off! 10 pounds, just 10 pounds. I’d gladly settle for just that at this point. I had 3 pairs of long pants that fit, but one’s now too tight and the elastic around the other ancient pair stretched out and broke. So now I have just one pair of winter pants. I’m going to try again to make one last attempt to lose weight, but I just don’t know if I can do it. I haven’t been able to lose weight for 2 or 3 years now. I’m going to try to keep myself on a day schedule for as long as I can and walk outdoors for a half-hour to an hour every day while I limit my calories to about 1200 a day, excluding coffee and gum. The walking should burn anywhere from about 100-350 calories. I wish I could walk outside year-round at any time of day or night, but with no moon, I could never see where I was going and it’d be too dangerous to walk during the summer nights when it was cooler because that’s when the rattlers are most active.

When I’m done with the laundry and exercising, I’m going to run through the final proofreading of my story which is now done. It’s a short story, but I think it came out well even so. It’s quite suspenseful. There’s more murder and less sex in this one, I suppose you could say.

I don’t know if Mary will like it. She strikes me as the type to prefer romance over murder mysteries and suspenseful stories such as I tend to write.

My nose treats came yesterday, but so far they all seem to smell the same. The grape one does sort of smell like what it’s supposed to be, but for the most part, they seem to smell more like smoke, like incense, than anything else. Nonetheless, this glorified cigarette smoke is okay, I guess. It covers any foul odors and I’ll definitely use them all up. I just don’t think I’ll ever make a second order. The things smell better unlit than lit. I guess they are breakable too since they’re such flimsy sticks. That’s why they wrapped them in newspapers.

Now for the best and most shocking news of the day. Little Buddy’s picture, “Hiding Amongst the Bottles,” made the finals in the photo contest!!! This is the picture of him peering up from inside a box of bottles when I was doing community service. I photocopied the letter for Mary, though I don’t know if it’ll make it in to her. If not, I’ll just tell her about it, but anyway, it was cool to see the picture’s title with the copyright symbol and my name along with it. I guess within the next month the judges are going to make their final decisions. One person gets the $1,000 prize while 40 people get a silver medal and 73 get a bronze medal. Then someone gets the annual prize of $10,000.

So my Little Buddy, now dead almost a year, shines on from beyond the grave. How I still miss him so! I remember I cried hysterically when I was around 14 and I lost my first guinea pig, Penny, yet I quickly got over it. Never has a pet touched me so much that I can still shed tears for him a year after his death. Meanwhile, I couldn’t cry for Scuttles, Houdini or Ratsy no matter how hard I tried and I loved those rats dearly. Same goes for Piggy who we had for 4 of the 6 years we lived in the Phoenix house.

I’d be both surprised and not surprised to win a medal because it’s not money. However, I can’t imagine God allowing me to win any of the money prizes. The most I’ve ever won was $25, so $1,000 or more would be quite a jump from that. I’d think it’d count as me making money and that’s an obvious no-no.

Later…

Now I have the vanilla nut burning. Once again, I’d never have guessed that that’s what’s supposed to be burning. It just smells like fancy smoke to me. So far the only one that had a subtle smell of a distinct kind was the grape.

My tight pants are good for walking. That way I know they’re going to stay put. I take the mace with me just in case a big dog decides to get a little too friendly on me, but neither of us has had a problem yet with vicious dogs, so I doubt we ever will. If you go onto a dog’s territory, that’s one thing, but when they come onto yours, it’s another. I counted this time and determined that it took 4 minutes to make a rotation and not 3 which means 15 rounds would equal an hour of walking. Damn, it’d take close to 10 minutes to walk around the land’s perimeters!

Anyway, I’m making one last try to get down to 120 pounds which is just 7 pounds away. You think to yourself – 7 pounds? That’s nothing. But it most certainly is when you have no metabolism and are my age. I’m worlds away from 120, trust me. I may as well be asking to lose 70 pounds and not 7.

In a week or two Tom will be quitting his job. He’s going to have to in order to be available for job interviews for jobs that pay better. At least, like he said, this is the prime time of year for finding jobs, and I did have positive money vibes between November 23rd and December 27th, but I’m not a fortune psychic, so I don’t know if I trust my vibes. I didn’t sense making the finals, that’s for sure! I’m only sensitive to grim happenings, so it seems. That affects people’s health and seeing past events and places I’ve never been to.

Later…

So far the only incense sticks that are okay are strawberry, grape and sexy. I think I really would prefer the perfume bottles, sprays and scented cartridges. That way I can have the smell without the smoke. In fact, I emailed them and asked if I could return what I haven’t used, but I doubt they’ll go for it. I think they’ll only take things back that are damaged.

Meanwhile, I found a small gift set for $19 at Walmart with White Shoulders perfume, body lotion, and some other little bottle of cologne. I hope I can get it in person. That way we can get out of the shipping costs. See, this is why I wish I weren’t a doll collector or was getting more spending money per month. Think of all the new clothes, perfume and other items I could get if I didn’t have to tie up so much of my money with dolls because of how expensive the ones I like are.

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 6, 2003 Not surprisingly, kids and adults are parading around in back right now, but they’re quiet. Especially since I’m indoors and on the other side of the house. I’m glad they’re quiet, but I still wish there were only one or two childless, dogless adults over there with one or two vehicles that were always parked in front and not at the sides or in back as well. I also wish there wasn’t someone home all the time, too.

I wish I could get up early every morning. At least throughout the cooler months. That way I could do what I did this morning and exercise outdoors. I walked briskly along the front wash, down by Meadow Green, up along the back wash towards next door, then circled around again. I calculated that it takes about 3 minutes for each round, so 10 rounds would make a half-hour of walking.

WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 5, 2003 I’d say that the water pills weren’t affecting my metabolism, after all. I’m not surprised either. I think I’m just nearly 38 years old and that’s what’s affecting it. What’s more of a surprise is how much more energy I’ve had since quitting the vitamins. I never would’ve thought they’d cause such sluggishness if Tom hadn’t mentioned the fact that vitamins do that to him. So I decided to increase my workouts now that I have more energy. I know it won’t cause me to lose weight, but why not make myself even healthier and even more fit? One thing’s for sure and that’s that I may be fat, but I sure am fit! I can jog for quite a long time. I’m going to alternate between jogging and brisk walking for a half-hour a day, plus do my crunches.

Mr. Predictable read more of my story on Sunday. He agrees that the third-person style is better. First person is better for true stories like in Mary’s book.

Speaking of Mary, I got a letter from her a couple of days ago along with drafts. When I wrote back to her I gave her Paula’s address and explained to her that although I think she’s beyond help, maybe she can write about her case. After all, she did say it’d be worth it if she only helped just one person. I told Paula she may write, too. Normally, I don’t buddy mix, but because we don’t all live in the same town, it’s okay, and Paula’s someone I’ll never see again. She’s just a voice on the phone. One I spoke to yesterday. She too, says my haircut makes me look younger.

Mary’s got me confused as to why Jose’s in prison. Or as to which story José told her, that is. I thought he was supposedly in for a murder connected to a drug deal gone bad. I thought the story was something about him witnessing a drug-related murder that he didn’t report, but now he’s supposedly in for killing a man who raped him. Tom and I both are very skeptical about that one. I think he just killed someone, plain and simple. I think he didn’t get what he wanted, he got pissed, and so he killed the dude. He was probably either buying or selling drugs and felt he was being ripped off somehow.

I wonder how Mary can be so damn naïve, but I don’t think it’s so much that she’s naïve as it is that she needs someone to believe in, and again, I don’t have to repeat what kind of man attracts her. It’s a form of masochism, so I read. They seek abusers because they either feel that’s all they deserve or they like the thrill of living on the edge. This is what I think is more Paula and Mary’s case. People like Tammy, on the other hand, seek abuse and misery to be pitied and or to be admired for forbearance.

This Saturday we’re going pet hunting and to the bookstore to hopefully sell some books and CDs and get some new books. Maybe, if I’m extremely lucky, I’ll find the Charlie’s Angels DVD there, but I doubt it.

I can’t wait for my incense! It was shipped on Monday. There’s a slight possibility that it could come today, but I think tomorrow’s more likely. At least it’s not something I have to worry about being broken and they seem to be reliable as far as not misdelivering things.

Not surprisingly, Netflip ripped me off. They keep saying they’ll “look into it,” but never do. And I’m sure they got a little help from above, too. It’s what I get for trying to make money.

I found a definite split end in one of Bailey’s hairs which confirms my suspicions…her hair is human.

We decided that if we were going to move, we might as well hunt for land in one of the states that allow internet gambling. Right now my guess is that we’ll move within the next 5 years to either somewhere in Arizona, Nevada, New Mexico or Texas, probably Nevada.

The renters are being annoying right now. Yeah, it’s that time of year again. Someone back there’s decided to take up Dan’s old job of engine gunning.

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 3, 2003 Yesterday was a fun day. We each flew one of the Barbie kites. They flew quite well and for quite some time, too. I hooked mine to the well and he hooked his to the house and they flew themselves for a while.

We also both won two different scratch tickets. He won $2 and I won $15.

Tom normally does the grocery shopping early Saturday morning, but since we went out Saturday morning, he did it yesterday morning and we got Shiny some cat food. He sure is skinny.

I asked myself what I wanted more, another really nice doll or a mannequin and the answer is a mannequin. I have other nice dolls, but no mannequin yet, so I decided this is it, I’m going to save up for one for once and for all, but definitely won’t get one from that Bay area place. They’re just too expensive there. There are 3 possibilities - the place in Colorado, the place in Delaware, or the Netherlands. I could save money by getting one with molded hair that Tom could sand down so I could throw a wig over it, but I’d rather not have to do that. I’m hoping the Delaware site will have something by the time I have the money saved up. Their used wigged mannequins are pretty comparable to the Colorado site’s new molded-haired ones (they don’t have any used ones).

I already have $28 saved up, plus the $138 I’ll be getting in Christmas and birthday money. I’ll need about $300, so I need to save up $140 more.

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 2, 2003 I only slept 5 hours yet woke up feeling as refreshed as ever. I can’t say that quitting the vitamins necessarily makes me need less sleep, but it does give me more energy. I’m sluggish a lot less often.

Two days ago it warmed up enough that I needed to put the AC on for a few hours, but now it’s cool again.

If I didn’t know any better, I’d swear the renters were Mexican welfare bums. The only thing that reminds me that they’re not is the lack of music, but they sure know a lot of people. I still think they’re Mormons and so they have large families. Anyway, someone’s been living behind them in a trailer similar to what we stayed in for about a week now which is supposed to be illegal unless you’re setting up a house you’re going to move into like our case was, and of course, George won’t complain about it. I haven’t heard or seen them and they’ve done a better job at keeping their trash to themselves, but the place really does look horrible.

However, we did some talking and now I don’t know if we’ll bother planting more things. I think we may be moving sooner than we first thought. They’re offering 160-acre parcels an hour north of Phoenix for $80,000. The idea is to get something like that and an old $20,000 piece of shit to live in while we built our own house. If we did this, we’d have no house payment. All we’d need to really pay for would be food and fun stuff. This would certainly eliminate the stress of having an $8-an-hour job, and we’d be able to put away money and save it for emergencies.

I like the idea of moving more and more, though I’ll probably feel a twinge of sadness when we do like Tom did when we left Phoenix because there are happier memories for me here than there were there. There, he didn’t have bad asthma and the need to struggle to quit smoking like I did. He also wasn’t as affected by next door’s shit as much because he was a heavier sleeper. Lastly, whether or not he was truthful about wanting a kid, he didn’t want one as bad as I once did. Plus, that house was an old dump, and like most guys, I don’t think he cares as much about size, age and appearance as we ladies tend to. Either way, this house isn’t completely untainted. Seems to me I remember a certain black pig tainted this house 4 years ago, along with 11 visits from Scot, to say nothing of the stress the blacks and Mexies caused us.

Surprisingly, my weight’s holding steady. The suppressants really help. I mean, I’m too old to lose weight and I know that, but they seem to be keeping me from gaining any more. Tom and I both agree that the suppressants they sell in the grocery store are pretty comparable to this overpriced stuff I’ve been getting. After all, if it were that much different, then you’d need a prescription for it.

Anyway, yesterday turned out to be rather fun. We were pretty productive, and for once I felt like things were finally starting to get done around here. First we went to Denny’s for breakfast. It was mobbed yet the people were civilized enough. We didn’t have any little kids screaming in our ears or throwing food at us. I got the steak and egg dinner and he got an omelet.

Then we went to Home Depot where he showed and explained to me why the porches shouldn’t cost a fortune or take forever to build. We also browsed through the nursery section and we both agree that 5-gallon plants are a little small for this place, so we’ll probably go with the 15 or higher when we go to get palms and olies. They had some huge queen palms for $149. We didn’t get any outdoor plants, but for just $10, I got an indoor palm! For just $5, I got a cheap black plastic pot with an attached drain pan and I sort of wish I’d gotten all plastic pots. They may not be as nice looking, but they sure are cheaper and they sure do make moving the plants a lot easier, too. However, the ceramic ones do provide more stability for the heavier ones.

Anyway, it’s so cool looking and is nearly 7’ tall. I’m glad I didn’t get the $50 fake one. I was surprised as I didn’t know palms could live indoors. The guy there said they’re good for indoors as well as patios and are slow-growing plants. All the tropical ones seem to grow slowly. I’m surprised it’s a majesty palm. I thought it looked more like a queen or a date palm.

I saw an older big-leaf plant and was like – wow! You mean mine will get that big someday? It was huge! Its leaves were easily comparable to a beach towel. I could cover this big old body of mine with some of the bigger leaves easily. The stems and leaves arched way up over my head. I realize, seeing how slowly mine’s grown in the 6 months I’ve had it, that this plant I saw must’ve been many years old. Like maybe 6 and mine’s probably about 3.

We also picked up 4 60-pound bags of cement to finish putting the posts up with.

The only disappointment was at the pet store. In the past they’ve always had a good selection of various-sized rats, but not this time. All they had were a few jumbos and a pile of albino feeders. We ordered the cages and accessories, but we’ll have to wait and get the rats at another store next weekend.

The best news of all is that we fixed the master bath’s shower leak. Amazingly, Tom found and fixed the problem within minutes of cutting away a couple of panels with a big sharp razor. Our first thought was that we screwed it up when we increased the pressure, but no, as always, it’s someone else’s mess we gotta clean up after. The stupid Mexicans ruptured the plastic pipe with a nail at the factory, so little by little, it’s been leaking ever since. Using a special glue along with a rubber clamp, Tom sealed it up.

The original plan was to wallpaper that bath, but then I came up with a better idea that would cost us a lot less and save Tom a lot of extra work, too. That monster bath is 8x14 and would need 18 rolls of wallpaper which would cost around $200. If we throw a little door-size mural over the area he cut out and is going to patch up so long as it stays dry for a good week or so, then that’d be just $20. I was thinking of a beach scene for in there and horses for the bedroom and retreat doors which would look great from the bed when those doors are shut. There’s a scene with a brown horse staring out of a stall in a barn, then there’s one with a white horse.

As for the very screwed up living room mural – that will get redone too, and so the whole thing will cost about $120. There’s a large garden mural I like for that wall.

0 notes

lilyevanstan1325 · 1 year ago

Text

✨ Astral Lovers ✨

Chapter 14

Lily POV

As soon as we reach the Tower, without mincing words, Natasha grabs my arm and drag me away with her.

"You'll see we'll be super hot tonight, they will drool for us"

I laugh out loud at her words.

“See you in the lobby at 7:30.Don't be late, gentlemen” screams the redhead to the two men who are now looking at us as if we come from another planet.

I turn to Steve with an amused apologetic smile as Nat continues to talk about a dress that she thinks will make my handsome Captain's heart stop.

Steve smiles back at me, his wonderful baby blue eyes shine like lapis lazuli.

Now I am standing in front of Natasha's door, wearing only a bathrobe and my hair is wrapped in a large white towel.

I knock and after a few moments a gorgeous Natasha opens the door wearing only a sexy lingerie set that take my breath away.

Her panties, if I can call them that, are just a tiny piece of black lace and her generous breasts are wrapped in tangles of lace and silk.

I would sell my soul to the devil to have her self-confidence.

I look away from her body with my cheeks on fire.

Natasha moves and laughing gestures me to enter.

"Lily you can look at me, I'm not naked" she continues to laugh.

I sigh, trying to mask the real sorrow in my words.

"Sorry, you are so...so...Barnes will have a heart attack!" I exclaim laughing, "I too would like to have all this confidence in myself" I add.

I often think I wish I could be a little sexier but I just don't think I'm capable of it.

Natasha immediately notices my sad look.

"What happens?If I make you uncomfortable…”

"Lily, what happens?" she asks politely, grabbing my wrist before I can turn around.

“No Nat, don't worry.It's not for this...” I point to her body with a wave of my hand, interrupting my friend, "It's just that Steve does nothing but remind me how kind and sweet I am and how much he loves me for it but...but sometimes I wish he would tell me...I don't know...forget it, let's get ready before we're late" I whisper embarrassed but obviously Nat doesn't seem to be ready to drop the subject so easily.

I sigh and with extreme difficulty I try to expose my perplexities to her.

"I would also like to be sexy in Steve's eyes.I wish he would look at me too the way Bucky looks at you every time you walk into the same room as him”

Natasha raises an eyebrow.

“But Steve already does!That guy one of these days will die of self-combustion” laughs my friend heartily.

"Really?"

"Oh sweetheart, believe me when I tell you that that man is waiting for fuck you properly"

I blush violently at her words.

"You believe it?" I whisper with a mixture of embarrassment and hope.

Natasha grabs me by the shoulders.

"Lily, that man is crazy for you. He's just more reserved than Bucky.Less cheeky"

I hang from her lips as she continues to speak.

“Steve is more of a gentleman than Bucky but that doesn't mean he doesn't want to fuck the shit out of you.He's just too polite to reveal it so openly”

She takes my hand and makes me sit in a chair in front of a large mirror.

I observe her face through it, her eyes meet mine and a sweet smile is painted on her lips.

“And don't forget that everything is new to him, just like it is to you.The first and last time he had anything to do with a woman was in the 40s, it's normal that his way of approaching women is a bit old school.If you then add the fact that he has never...he has never been physically with a woman, you understand why he is embarrassed”

"Steve...is Steve still virgin?" I ask incredulously.

I stare at Natasha with my mouth open, I don't think I understand her words.

Well...I understand but I can't believe it.

How can such a wonderful man, not only physically, have never felt a physical attraction towards someone else strong enough to push him to have sex?

It's hard for me to believe it.

I look at her through the mirror shrugging my shoulders, she laughs and begins to free my hair from the towel.

"Oh, c’mon!" Nat replies, "You really didn't know?"

“Steve places a lot of importance on emotional bonds.In his life it was only Peggy and you.And I don't think there will ever be anyone else”

“You forget Sharon” I reply.

Just at the thought of her I feel anger taking all over my mind.

Natasha snorts.

“Please Lily, don't be absurd!He just exchanged a few kisses with that arrogant stupid bitch"

I laugh at what she called her but I immediately get serious again.

The redhead behind me is too focused on my hair that she doesn't notice my umpteenth change of mood.

She begins to dry my hair, with the help of a brush and hairdryer she manages to transform my indomitable curls into soft and shiny black waves that fall sensual on my shoulders.

I try to relax and get rid of the bad thoughts but I fail miserably.

"Nat?" I call her in a sad voice.

Our eyes meet in the mirror.

"Tell me" my friend replies, putting down her work tools and giving a final touch to my hair with her expert fingers.

“Do you think I'm Peggy's replacement?What I mean is do you think Steve will ever love me like he loved her or is he just settling for me?"

Natasha sighs.

“Lily, Steve loves you”

Natasha moves in front of me and kneeling at my height she grabs my hands.

“I know he loves me” I admit sadly, “But in the end I'll never be Peggy.I will find myself competing with her ghost for all my life.I don't want to be his second choice”

"Forget about it.Steve loved Peggy it's true but now…now you are his whole world.Not a mere replacement”

We stare at each other for a moment and then Nat starts talking again.

“If I can give you some advice, talk about this with him.Don't drag this weight into your heart because in the long run it will wear out your soul"

"What if I don't like his answer?"

I know it's stupid to think this.

After everything Steve has done for me.

I don't doubt his love, I'm just afraid of not being enough to him and that over time he will notice.

I feel like I am investing so much in this relationship that if things ever go wrong I will be more than destroyed.

I sigh sadly.

“Don't worry!You think only about the evening that awaits you, try to enjoy all his attention and don't think about anything else.I'm sure it will be fine”

Natasha grabs a beauty case and starts pulling out all kinds of brushes and make-up.

She begins to work on my face.

“I see the way he looks at you, Lily.Such intense love is rare.Love at first sight is rare" she smiles at me and then she tells me to close my eyes and relax while she works her magic on me.

I smile.

Thank goodness I have a friend like her.

I try to relax my mind but a thought makes space overwhelmingly among all the others, I take advantage of the moment to ask Nat a question that embarrasses me a lot.

Having my eyes closed will help overcome the embarrassment in my gaze for such a question.

"Do you think it will happen tonight?"

"What are you talking about?"

I hear Nat answering me in a distorted voice as if her mouth is full of something.

I cautiously open my eyes and see the redhead in front of me with a brush between her lips and a focused gaze while using another brush she is mixing two shades of foundation to recreate the perfect color for my complexion.

"Sex.Do you think Steve expects to have sex tonight?"

I hope she doesn't notice the tremor in my voice.

I answer without even thinking about it.

“Steve doesn't expect anything.I am convinced that he desires it but I know that he would never put you under pressure for it.The real question is another" Natasha smiles slyly, "Do you want it?"

"Of course I want it"

"You want it but?"

I laugh nervously, blushing.

"But I'm scared" I admit, “Afraid that it will hurt.He looks...he seems to have a big...you know”

Nat joins my laugh.

"Oh darling, believe me if I tell you I understand you"

I raise an eyebrow not understanding the meaning of her answer.

“Did you see Steve…”

I listen carefully.

“No.No no no.Oh my God no!Don't jump to conclusions” she replies, raising her hands in front of her, “Before you think badly…no, I've never seen Steve naked.I mean that Bucky is also very, very big and honestly, despite having had a few partners before him, I too was terrified of having sex with him"

"I will not lie to you Lily, it will hurt a little but I swear to you that with time and practice...oh baby, you will not be able to live without it"

We both burst out laughing.

“You just have to relax and most importantly you have to drive him.You have to tell him what you like and if he does anything that makes you uncomfortable stop him right away.Don't be afraid or ashamed.Remember that even he won't know what you like.Indulging him will not help you on the contrary it will make you hate every moment of this very important moment”

I think of Nat's words and I wonder if I will ever be able to be so confident.

She looks at me as if she could sense the nature of my thoughts.

I smile at her without speaking, I'm too nervous to do that.

"Lily don't overthink, everything will be fine.More than fine" my friend reassures me.

Natasha fumbles for a few more minutes on my face and then applies a veil of lipstick on my lips.

"Ok, here we are" she exclaims excitedly.

She turns the chair where I am sitting towards the mirror and as soon as I look up, I remain dumbfounded.

The woman who looks at me in the mirror cannot be me.

A perfect line of eye liner makes my big dark eyes even deeper and the lashes are long, almost mesmerizing.

The perfect and brilliant complexion, red and shiny cheeks due to the blush.

And finally the full lips colored with a sinful red that makes them sensual as I had never seen them before.

"You're perfect.Steve will go crazy!"

"You believe it?" I reply breathlessly.

“You will thank me by calling your daughter like me”

I laugh heartily.

“Really, Romanoff?I think you're running a little too fast”

“You're so naive, Lily…I'll give you three years at the most.Steve won't waste time getting you pregnant"

"Nat!!!" I reproach her but without being able to help it I burst out laughing.

We smile at each other for a few more seconds and then Natasha walks over to her bed grabbing her dress.

“Let's hurry up or we'll be late”

She wears a pair of nude stockings, then slips into her dress and I am mesmerized by her beauty.

Her curves are wrapped in a simple red sheath dress with three-quarter sleeves.

Her bateau neckline leaves her shoulders uncovered, her generous breasts on display.

She grabs a pair of black décolleté with a vertiginous heel and puts them on without any difficulty.

She quickly checks herself in the mirror giving a final arrangement to her hair wisely collected on the nape of her neck with a few curls that fall gently on her face.

Any man would lose his mind for her.

Bucky is truly a lucky man to have her love.

“Nat, you are beautiful.I have no words” I sincerely compliment my friend.

She smiles at me, then I see her rummaging through her closet.

She comes out with a pile of clothes that she leaves in my hands.

"Come on!Go to the bathroom and change.I'll wait for you here” Natasha urges me but I remain stuck in place.

I look at the clothes in my hands, then I look at the woman in front of me and then at the clothes again.

My gaze goes back and forth a couple more times.

“No way, Romanoff.No way!"

I drop the clothes I should wear on the bed and cross my arms in front of my breasts.

"I love you and I thank you for everything but I will never wear anything like that" I tell her, indicating the bed with a nod.

"Why not?That dress is perfect for you, you will be amazing"

"I'm not you, Natasha.This dress will be ridiculous on me”

Nat sighs and rolls her eyes.

I squeeze my arms tighter against my chest.

"Don't be absurd" she scolds me lovingly, “You will be beautiful.And sexy.Isn't that what you wanted?Do you want to go on your first date with the man of your dreams with pants and ballet flats?Not that I have anything against your style, you are very pretty and you look good, but not tonight.You don't have to be pretty tonight.You must be stunning tonight!”

I know Nat is right but I'm terrified of looking ridiculous, inadequate.

What if Steve laughs at me and tells me that dress is not for me, that I'm not feminine enough to wear it?

My friend bends over her bed, grabbing her clothes again and handing them over to me.

“Go get changed.I don't take a no for answer.Go!"

I sigh resignede, I don't think I have any chance against her.

I grab the clothes from her arms and without saying a word I lock myself in the bathroom.

I hear Natasha laughing behind my back.

“Don't be so dramatic” she laughs.

I honestly just want to cry right now.

I would like to cry while in my fingers I am clutching a tiny black thong.

Thong coordinated with a bra.

They are plain, black and shiny silk.

I feel my cheeks go up in flames at the thought that Steve can see me with only these on.

I think of his eyes full of lust as he worships my body as his hands, that have become so expert, find their way under these skimpy briefs.

A familiar heat pulsates in the middle of my thighs.

Natasha is right.

He's not expecting something tonight.

It's me.

I'm the one who wants something more from him tonight.

I dress with more courage than before and look in the mirror.

My breasts are sensually embraced by the silk.

I turn my back looking at my ass in the mirror.

Actually I look sexy, the generous hips seem more elegant wrapped in the silk that disappears in the middle of my ass.

The legs wrapped in black stockings have a more toned look.

I feel different, more self-confident.

I bite my bottom lip thinking about how Steve might react.

With much more enthusiasm than when I entered the bathroom, I grab the dress that Nat gave me and put it on.

The dress, in soft black velvet, falls adherent above the knee with a vertiginous slit that goes up to the thigh, the sleeves are made of a brilliant black tulle.

In the end I put on a pair of black heels.

I wobble.

I hope I don't fall, I absolutely don't want to look like an idiot.

I smooth the dress with my hands repeatedly and after taking a deep breath I grab the door handle and rotate it.

As soon as I leave the bathroom Natasha puts her hands to her mouth, her eyes are dilated with amazement.

"What do you think?Honestly" I ask timidly.

“Oh Lily…I…I have no words!You are absolutely perfect.Gorgeous!"

She approaches me and grabbing my hand we approach the mirror.

Our reflexes observe us side by side.

She gives me a light shoulder.

"Natasha, I don't know how to really thank you" I tell her looking at her through the mirror, "You worked a miracle"

I laugh with her.

“Don't be silly” she chuckles, “It's just you.You put the raw material, I just made a few additions”

“But now we have to go.It's 7:30 and even though it's chic to delay I hate it.Let's go”

My friend urges me, grabbing two coats from above the sofa and handing one to me.

Her is a wonderful black fur coat, while mine is red with a collar and cuffs adorned with a soft black fur.

We head towards the elevator, Nat with a firm and elegant step.

I a little less.

"God I hope I don't fall off these things" I giggle nervously grabbing Natasha's arm.

She laughs shaking her head.

As soon as I enter the elevator I feel my heart begin to beat at an unbearable pace, I rub the palms of my sweaty hands between them.

I'm starting to be anxious about the evening.

My friend notices it and grabbing my hand between hers, she squeezes it just as if with her touch she wanted to give me some courage.

As soon as the elevator doors open, a celestial vision appears in front of my eyes.

Steve is gorgeous, all dressed in black except for his burgundy jacket.

In his hands he holds a wonderful bouquet of red roses and my eyes immediately fill with tears.

His mesmerizing clear eyes stare at me, indeed devour me, with an entirely new hunger.

On his face, painted by angels and sculpted by the gods, a captivating smile blossom slowly.

A look that he usually reserves for me while he is intent on pleasing me but tonight he is doing it in front of everyone.

His eyes shine as if the sun has just entered the room.

And in this exact moment I realize that his sun is me.

But there is something different in his look tonight, for the first time I can perceive not only love...there is possession, passion, lust.

As if he didn't care at all that anyone could understand his thoughts, his intentions.

I approach him and when I am one step away I see him lean towards me and give me the roses.

"I hope you like them" he whispers after leaving me a chaste kiss at the corner of my lips.

I am stunned for a moment by the intoxicating scent of him but I try to recover some clarity to be able to answer him.

"They are perfect.Thank you” I whisper bringing the flowers to my face to smell the sweet fragrance.

"Did you see how sweet Steve was?"

I turn to the sound of Natasha's voice and find her standing in front of Bucky with her arms crossed over her chest and her gaze sharp.

"Doll, you hate flowers" sighs a now resigned Bucky.

"I know but it's the gesture that counts"

"Nat, what the hell are you talking about?"

She dismisses him with a wave of her hand, as if him were only an annoying insect.

"Forget it" she murmurs.

Bucky turns disconsolately to Steve and in a whisper, rolling his eyes, he says "See?What did I tell you?"

Steve chuckles in response.

The former Winter Soldier approaches his beautiful girlfriend and wraps her shoulders with his arm in Vibranium.

"I'm sorry, doll.Later I assure you that I will find a way to make amends”

We laugh together and just at that moment a very elegant Tony Stark reaches the hall, on his arm an extraordinary Pepper.

Both are absolutely beautiful.

He wears a simple black tuxedo that fits him perfectly, his fiancèe instead wears a beautiful long gold-colored dress, bare back and a dizzying slit that goes up her left thigh.

The auburn hair is gathered in an elegant low bun.

Tony is helping her to put on a very luxurious white fur that I bet costs as much as one of his precious cars.

"Good evening gentlemen.Madam” Stark greets us with a slight nod.

Pepper smiles at Nat then turns to me with a wonderful smile on her face.

“Hi Lily, how are you?Are you getting used to life with the Avengers?"

"Yeah...a bit chaotic but I'm ok"

We both giggle as Steve smiles and put his arm around my hips and kisses the top of my head.

"Where will you spend this Christmas Eve night?" I ask politely.

Tony answer me.

“Tonight we have a gala dinner with some of my investors and sadly, even though I had proposed to Miss Potts to take a flight for the Hawaii, I can't miss it”

I see Pepper roll her eyes.

It can't be easy to live next to a man like Stark.

Always so unpredictable and chaotic.

I smile at her.

"Where do you go so elegant?" Tony asks curiously.

I don't answer right away, I don't know if Bucky and Natasha want to go public with their relationship.

As soon as Tony and Pepper reach us Bucky immediately freed Natasha from his embrace so I let them decide if they want to share their personal life.

But to my surprise it is the redhead in front of me who answers first.

I see her grab her man's hand and squeeze it.

“Nothing in particular.Just a double romantic date”

Tony doesn't even try to mask his amazement.

"Really?You and Barnes?"

Pepper promptly nudges him in the stomach and embarrassed apologizes for Tony's behavior.

“What Tony means is that he is happy for you two and wishes you a good evening.Let's go now, Mister Delicacy” so saying she grabs her man by the hand and drags him away.

"Oh yeah, that's what I meant" exclaims Tony, giving me a wink.

But just before turning the corner and disappearing he turns to Bucky and with his thumbs up he yells "Nice shot, Barnes"

After which he disappears.

Bucky is literally speechless, he certainly didn't expect such a strong declaration of love from his beloved.

"What?" Natasha asks shrugging her shoulders and adds, “Come on, let's go or we'll be late”

“Ok you go ahead I'll put the flowers in a vase and I'll arrive” I announce to the three in front of me.

"Go guys, we'll join you in a minute" adds Steve.

Of course he follows me.

"I don't need help, I can do it by myself"

But I don't have time to add anything else that Steve snatches the flowers from my hands letting them fall to the floor and in a moment I find myself with my back against the wall and his muscular body pressing on mine.

His lips are on my neck, his hands grip my thighs through the dress.

"Steve" I gasp, I can't even understand what I really begging him for.

His hand goes up to tighten around my throat, his fingers press gently.

I feel my head spinning with excitement.

“You look great tonight, honey.You have no idea how much I'm holding back”

Drunk by his words, I tease him a little.

"Holding back from doing what, Cap?"

His eyes are planted in mine.

"Don't play with me like that, Lily"

His warning makes me tremble...but not with fear.

"What if I told you that right now I just want you to take me upstairs?" I whisper on his lips.

His jaw clenches a little.

He closes his eyes and sighs.

“Honey, you know I don't expect anything from this evening.You know that, right?"

He opens his eyes and rests his forehead on mine.

"I know it.The problem is that I'm the one who wants something from this evening” I admit candidly.

Steve breaks away from me to study my expression.

"You don't have to prove anything to me..."

He seems hesitant.

"I know" I interrupt him, "I know it but I want you.Of this I'm sure”

Why does he acts like this?

Is it possible that he doesn't feel attracted enough to me?

What if he doesn't find me sexy enough?

It would explain why he never wanted me to reciprocate our most intimate cuddles.

I look down at our feet, feeling the shame devour me.

But besides the shame I feel another feeling boiling inside me.

A whole new feeling.

Anger at feeling rejected as if nothing had happened.

Anger.

I turn to him and in an rude tone, avoiding looking him in the eye, I say “We better go.They've been waiting for us for a while”

I start to pass him but his big hand grabs my wrist and stops my escape.

"What's happening?"

Steve POV

"What's happening?" I ask confused.

I can't understand her change of mood.

"Nothing.Let's go or we'll be late” she replies keeps looking everywhere but not in my direction.

Lily watches me closely, her eyes digging into mine as if she is trying to find an answer.

“I don't give a fuck if we're late or if they're waiting for us” I exclaim slightly frustrated, "If you don't tell me what's going on we won't leave this place"

The answer to the question she refuses to ask me.

“Lily, I'm serious.Tell me what's wrong!” I pursue her, tightening my grip on her wrist.

She tugs on her arm to free herself from my grip.

This gesture from her hurts me so I let her go and I putt my hands in my pockets.

Her eyes return to stare at the floor and when I'm sure she won't answer me I hear her whisper.

"What did you say?"

She spoke so softly that her words sounded incomprehensible.

She sighs as if it is hard for her to repeat it.

"Why don't you want me?"

This time her voice is a little higher.

I know my expression isn't the smartest right now but I feel really caught off guard by her question.

I giggle thinking she's kidding.

She seems even more hurt by my reaction.

How can she think of such a thing?

How can she think that I don't die for her every single moment of my life?

After spending countless nights worshiping her body how can she think I don't want her?

Yet a moment ago I told her, I told her how much it cost me to hold back.

"You are serious"

Mine is not a question.

"Of course I am.Why do you refuse me?I try to be more attractive, sexier.Why do you keep treating me like a porcelain doll instead?It's as if you don't feel what I feel" she barely whispered her last sentence.

Her voice trembles, I know very well that she is on the verge of tears.

And I don't want her to cry, especially I don't want her to cry about something that is totally a figment of her imagination.

I approach her again almost occupy all her vital space and abruptly grab her hand placing it on the crotch of my pants where my erection throbs painfully since I saw her come out of the lift wrapped in that sinful black dress.

I know it's a rude gesture but I think it's the most effective way to make her realize how wrong she is.

"Do you really think such nonsense?Do you feel the effect you have on me?" I whisper with my voice shaking with pleasure.

Feeling her hand right on that sensitive part of my body takes my breath away.

In fact, at first she just winces but then I feel her small and delicate hand squeeze with enthusiasm.

She stands on tiptoe and kisses me.

Once.

And then again.

I let go her hand but she doesn't move it away from my body.

I kiss her palm and then intertwine our fingers.

"Now I'm the one who's trying to hold back"

I laugh at her words but immediately become serious, I grab her hand that still holds my dick and I bring it to my lips.

“I'm sorry I made you doubt my desire for you.I just want you to never feel compelled.I want that whatever happens between us you want it, certainly not to please me.Do you understand what I mean?"

She nods and rests her head on my chest, our fingers are still intertwined.

I looks into her eyes so dark and deep.

“I love you Steve and I want you.I want you so much that I can't wait any longer”

I vibrate at her words, feeling thrilled and scared at the same time.

We exchange another kiss then I bend down to take the roses from the floor and grabbing a vase that is on a glass table next to me I arrange them carefully.

I weave my fingers around hers again and drag her away with me.

“Come on, honey.A wonderful evening awaits us”

When we return to our friends we find them intent on exchanging small affections.

I smile.

I am really happy that they are no longer afraid to show themselves together.

Bucky is the first to notice us.

"How long!What happened to you?" winks my friend slyly.

I know where he wants to go and I will not give him this satisfaction.

I deliberately ignore his question and leave the Tower.

"Come on, guys" I answer and raise an arm to call a taxi and all together we go to the restaurant.

As soon as the taxi stops, I get out first and hold out my hand to my beautiful girlfriend to help her get off meanwhile Bucky does the same with Nat.

As soon as we enter we are greeted by relaxing music, the room is already full and a cheerful chatter comes from every table.

We are escorted by a waitress to our table who announces that in a few seconds she would bring us the menus.

I pull one chair back to accommodate Lily and then sit next to her, Bucky and Natasha sit across from us.

I watch my beautiful Lily look around in wonder.

Basically I can't blame her, this place is great.

The tables are all arranged on the right side of the room, on the left there is a huge and shiny piano where a man in an elegant tuxedo is playing an old song by Frank Sinitra while the voice of a talented woman is accompanying him.

Next to them, an immense sparkling Christmas tree stands majestically towards the ceiling from which hundreds of golden lights hang giving the room a magical aura.

"Do you like this place, honey?"

I ask turning towards her and grabbing her hand.

Her beautiful dark eyes sparkle with delight.

“Oh my God, Steve!This place is insane.I've never seen anything more beautiful”

She continues to scan the room with enthusiasm and then her gaze locks to mine.

I lean over her and just kiss her.

We smile at each other.

Meanwhile the waitress returns and leaves us the menus and four flutes of Champagne.

“I'll be back shortly to order.In the meantime, what can I get you to drink?" asks the waitress with a smile on her face.

Her eyes go back between me and Buck, Natasha notices it and obviously she tries to mark the territory.

She sensually approaches Bucky leaving him a kiss on the profile of his jaw and then she turns to the waitress.

“Bring two prosecco for me and my fiance and two glasses of white wine for my friend and her fiance"

Then looking at Lily, she winks, both try to hold back the laughter.

The poor waitress leaves embarrassed.

"She was just making her work Nat, there was no need to embarrass her" I whispered giggling as I sip my Champagne.

Lily next to me raises an eyebrow with a skeptical look.

"Since when have I been your fiance?" Bucky jokingly turns to Nat but I know him well and I know Nat's reaction has filled him with pride.

A spark of joy shines in his eyes to know that the redhead is jealous of him.

"Shut up you idiot" she replies without even looking at him.

We all laugh and Bucky puts his arm on her shoulders pulling her to him and kissing her.

We spend the evening laughing and chatting.

The food is delicious and seeing Lily enjoying every single bite is a joy for the eyes, seeing her laugh and joke so carefree repays me for all the bad times we had to go through.

I haven't felt this free since time immemorial.

After I have finished eating, I stand up and hold out a hand to Lily I ask her "Do you dance with me?"

She seems hesitant.

"I don't know how to dance" she admits shyly, her cheeks tinged with a delicious red.

"It doesn't matter.I'll guide you”

She smiles at me and accepts my hand.

Together we head to the piano where other couples are already dancing.

I hold her in my arms, her hands gently resting behind my neck.

We swing gently to the rhythm of the music.

I look at our table but our friends are gone.

Where the hell did they go?

I don't even have time to voice my concerns that I see them.

They are a few steps ahead of us and they too are dancing embraced.

"Hey honey, look" I whisper to Lily.

She turns in the direction where my gaze is turned and a sweet smile is painted on her lips.

She looks back at me and her smile makes me feel butterflies in my stomach.

“I'm happy for them.I can't imagine what their life was like before but I guess they really suffered a lot”

Her eyes are sadden as she speaks.

I sigh.

“Yeah.It wasn't easy for them.Both have literally gone through hell" I reply.

Lily rests her head on my chest.

"Thanks, Steve"

I hear her sweet voice vibrate with sadness.

I move my hands from her hips to bring them to her face.

“What are you thanking me for?I didn't do anything"

"You saved my life and you are making it magical.Special.Without you I don't know where I would be today”

I caress her face and kiss her, softly and without haste.

I hug her again.

"That's weird, you know?I was going to thank you for the same thing”

She laughs at my words.

"But I didn't save your life, Steve"

I hug her tighter and whisper in her ear.

“You did it, honey.You did it.Believe me”

I look down at her face and she looks at me, so fragile and delicate, smiling at me.

"I love you, Steve"

"I love you more"

And we let's keep dancing.

The singer announces that it is almost midnight and invites each of us to have a flute of Champagne and toast all together.

The waiters pass between the tables and on the dance floor offering a drink to each person.

At midnight, a general toast comes to life, smiles and laughter mingle in the great hall.

We exchange greetings with the people at the next table.

I approach Lily and kissing her lips I whisper "Merry Christmas"

"Merry Christmas to you too, Captain"

She kiss me and her tongue enters my mouth, I can feel the sparkling taste of Champagne from her mouth.

Her hands tightly grip my shirt and in response I squeeze her thigh through the slit of her dress.

I feel the temperature of my body rise so I decide to detach myself from her who seems quite annoyed by my gesture.

I kiss her adorable pout and hug her to me laughing heartily.

“We are in public.At least wait we get to my room.What do you say?"

She looks at me with a strange light in her eyes.

"I say it's time to get the bill"

I tremble with pleasure at the thought that soon we will be at the Tower and I will have my beautiful girlfriend all to myself.

I look up at my friend and immediately understand that we are thinking the same thing.

Bucky too feels the urge to go home.

He raises his hand and, drawing the waitress's attention, asks for the bill.

We walk out of the restaurant, Natasha and Lily are walking in front of us.

They chat and giggle cheerfully.

My best friend and I walk a few steps behind them with alert and attentive eyes.

I didn't think I was a jealous man but the idea that someone could bother her makes my blood boil in my veins.

I laugh at his pseudo advice.

"Hey, man" Bucky gets my attention, “Don't forget the condom.As much as I like the idea of becoming an uncle, I don't think it's the right time"

“Thanks, buddy.I know I'm inexperienced but I'm not an idiot” I reply laughing.

He joins my laugh.

The girls, hearing us laugh, turn to us.

I smile at Lily and wink at her, she blushes and goes back to confabulate with Nat.

We decided not to take a taxi because we wanted to enjoy the evening a little more and the girls needed to work off some of the wine they drank.

Arriving in front of the doors of the great Tower, I feel anxiety assaulting me.

I know it is absolutely not manly but my hands begin to sweat, my heart accelerates its course.

Arrived in front of the door of our room we say goodnight to Natasha and Bucky and enter.

I'm about to take off my coat but my movement stops in the middle air because Lily's arms tighten tightly around my neck, she kisses me with a disarming passion.

Her hands wander through my hair as her tongue caresses mine relentlessly.

I detach myself from her only to catch my breath.

I smile on her lips.

"What do I owe all this enthusiasm?" I ask, finishing off my coat and bringing my hands to her hips.

She starts kissing my neck again and between kisses she murmurs “I've been waiting for this moment all evening.I've been waiting for this moment for months”

Her words set my bowels on fire.

I unbutton her coat while she continues to kiss my neck and with her delicate hands pulls the jacket off my shoulders and then she begins to unbutton my shirt.

She opens it completely and leaving fire kisses all over my chest, she pushes the shirt off my shoulders and I help her take it off completely.

I take off my shoes, take her in my arms and lay her on the bed.

I lie down on her body still fully dressed and kiss the skin left uncovered by the generous neckline of the dress.

I feel so good right now.

I finally feel I am in the right place in this century that does not belong to me.

I look at the wonderful girl I have under me.

"What did I do to be so lucky?" I ask her softly as I bring a rebellious curl behind her ear.

She smiles at me and replies "I wonder too, do you know?How did you get so lucky”

We laugh together.

This is one of the reasons why I love this woman.

She is smart, nice and sweet.

Not forgetting her perfect body and her face so beautiful that breaks my heart.

I kiss her and slowly lift her dress, she helps me and within seconds my brain goes haywire.

She is wearing an undergarment that literally makes me lose my mind.

Black silk.

Her thighs are wrapped in black stockings too.

She is still wearing her dizzying heels.

I rise from the bed to observe her in all her wonder.

She stays on the bed lifting up on her elbows, she watches me as I get up.

"What happens?Don't you like what you see, Captain?" she asks me slyly.

She knows well that she is driving me out of my mind.

I go up to her and bending over as soon as I grab her ankle.

I lift her leg and take off her shoe, with my hands I go up her leg and take off her delicate stocking.

I kiss every inch of her leg's skin.

I make the same gesture with the other leg.

I see her throw her head back and sigh in ecstasy.

I want to take it easy, I want to enjoy every moment.

I stand in front of the bed, she sits up and with trembling hands grabs the belt of my pants trying to unhook it.

I know what she wants to do and my body begins to tremble in anticipation but my instinct to protect her is stronger and I stop her.

I stop her hands with mine.

"You don't have to do it, honey" I tell her softly.

In response she continues to tinker with my pants.

She takes off the belt and after unbuttoning my pants she lowers them down my thighs.

I look at her totally enraptured, unable to make any sound.

My mouth is dry, my breathing becomes labored.

Lily strokes my erection through the thin fabric of the boxers.

I clench my teeth so hard that I'm afraid they'll break.

I force my hands to remain still when the only thing I would like to do is lose them in her hair and push her sweet face towards my cock.

She leaves another caress and then she leaves a kiss on the tip of it and then grabbing my boxers on the sides she pushes them down along the hips releasing my erection that now stands out towards her face, as if it was irresistibly attracted to her sensual mouth.

Her eyes are fixed on my dick, I have no idea what she is thinking but I see a flash of panic in her eyes.

She is scared.

I stroke her hair and call her name.

"Lily?"

She raises her bright onyx eyes and looks at me.

"Are you sure?You know you can stop at any time.No matter what we are doing, one word from you is enough for me to stop immediately.I want you to be comfortable with what you do"

She nods just a little and continuing to remain silent she brings her attention back to my naked body.

Her hand wraps delicately around my shaft and with a disarming slowness she approaches her lips which a moment later are wrapped around it.

I gasp violently.

The hand that before caressed her hair wraps around the nape of her neck and with the other I move her hair from her face, I don't intend to miss a moment of this wonderful show.

My cock enters and exits her velvety mouth, her tongue teases the tip and then traces a trail along my entire length.

Her eyes rise in search of mine.

"I love you, honey" I gasp, then my head tilts back in pleasure.

"You are fantastic.Go on…just like that” the words come out distorted from my lips.

My breathing quickens and my chest begins to rise and fall furiously.

I feel that I am getting lost in the meanders of pleasure but I don't want it to end like this, I don't want to cum like this.

I gently pull her away from me and lowering myself on her I make her lie down completely on the bed.

I stand up and completely free myself from the last clothes I am wearing.

She looks at me fearfully, as if she thinks she wasn't absolutely great.

I lean down on her and kiss her with even more passion, I undo her bra releasing her large breasts.

I lose myself in the sight of it and begin to kiss it, taking a nipple between my lips just squeezing it between my teeth.

She arches her back screaming my name.

I go down to kiss her stomach until I find myself with my face in front of her panties.

I put my hands on her ass to take them off but I realize that there is no fabric on her buttocks, I let my hands go up and smile.

"Are you wearing a thong?" I ask pleasantly surprised in a voice full of lust.

She blushes.

“Yeah.It was Natasha's idea"she replies.

I roll away from her body and sit on the edge of the bed.

"Get up.I want to see you” I order her.

Lily looks hesitant but she follows my orders.

She gets up slowly and after positioning herself in front of me she turns around and stops from behind, leaving me time to observe her beautiful and soft ass.

"Do you like it?" she asks me biting her lower lip, turning her head behind her looking for my gaze.

For my part, without taking my eyes off the paradise in front of me, I answer only "Remind me to thank Nat"

She laughs and I bring my hands on her ass, caressing it delicately and pulling off that skimpy piece of silk.

I put my hands on her hips and turn her towards me.

I rub my nose against her pussy and just spreading her legs I pass my tongue along her fold.

She is hot and wet.

I feel my erection throb painfully.

I continue to lick, focusing all my attention on her clit.

I just suck and bite it and her hands tighten in my hair.

My name is a whispered litany between her lips.

She pulls them almost violently panting incessantly.

I enter in her beautiful pussy using two fingers and begin to push until I find the right pace.

Her hips move with the rhythm of my hand, my mouth continues to work sparingly between her thighs.

I feel her sweet and delicate sex tightening more and more around my fingers.

Her clit throbs incessantly on my tongue.

I could spend hours, months, years like this.

Lost in the meanders of her soft flesh.

“Oh Steve!I cum...I cum soon!" Lily cry out, putting her hands to her breast and squeezing it with enthusiasm.

A few moments later she cum.

I let her ride the waves of pleasure that are shaking her small body licking all hers moisture.

I grab her by the hips, hugging her tightly and make her lie down on the bed next to me.

"Are you okay, my love?"

“Never been better” she replies with a huge smile on her lips.

"You want to sleep?If you are tired you can rest"

She looks at me as if I were speaking another language.

"What?I don't want to stop” and saying so she raises up on one elbow and leans towards me to kiss me.

I respond to the kiss.

For a few minutes the only noise in the room is the rubbing of our lips.

"Honey, if you don't feel like it we can..." but I can't finish the sentence because Lily interrupts me with a snort.

"Why you waste your time talking instead of doing something else?"

I can't help myself and I burst out laughing at her words.

I draw her to me and kiss her again.

"I'll give you everything you want tonight" I whisper on her lips.

"For this night I will be satisfied with your body and your heart, Captain Rogers" replies Lily spreading her legs and making me space between them.

"But my heart and my body are already yours my sweet Lily"

Please comment, share and rate ❤️

🔥 Masterlist 🔥

Taglist

@deansapplepie

#marvel #captainamerica #chrisevans #steve rogers #fanfiction #fanfic #fanfiction recommendation #captain america x oc #captain america fanfiction #captain america #steve rogers x oc #steve rogers fanfiction #chris evans fanfiction #astrallovers

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nickgerlich · 2 years ago

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Pour Me Another

They’re ba-a-ack. AB InBev and its Bud Light brand have been radio silent since mid-April and the LGBTQ/transgender controversy. But they’ve returned with both guns blazing, and their biggest summer ad campaign ever. With Bud Light, it’s “Easy To Summer.” Or so they say.

  Probably not a bad idea, given that Bud Light has now slipped to the Number 2 brand in the US.

The new campaign is rich in outdoorsy activities that typify summer in the US, meaning lots of picnics, playing in the sun, goofing off…and drinking Bud Light. If you watch the ad a few times, you will notice they have done a slick job pigeonholing their target market, as the undercurrent is decidedly very white, straight, and…to be honest…rather out of shape.

Yup. Sounds like Joe Six Pack to me. Bud Light is getting back to basics.

There is also no escaping the fact that, no matter what Bud Light does, it is going to alienate someone now. While it may get some of its boycotters to reconsider, those who are LGBTQ or its allies may feel slighted. Of course, Pride Month is only one month out of the year, and Bud Light (nor the vast majority of other major brands) never actively showed any support the other 11 months. Still…it’s June for a few more days, so there’s that.

You also cannot miss that Bud Light is relying on music to carry its message, just as we have been discussing lately. The song—Chic’s Good Times—dates to 1979. Whether this means Bud Light is going for an older demo, or thinks the song is timeless, will be determined in the next few months.

The campaign is not just a knee-jerk reaction to what happened in April, but rather an extension of what was launched during Super Bowl LVII last February. That campaign was “Easy To Drink, Easy To Enjoy.” It was well-received, and is easily expanded to different seasons.

The summer promotion includes $10,000 a week in giveaways, sweepstakes to cover bar tabs, and the Bud Light Backyard Tour, a concert series featuring several artists. Bud Light is also working in advance of the coming NFL season by linking to several star players in ads that will debut right before football action fires up.  

By now you are probably wondering whether any artist or athlete would risk being connected to Bud Light, given what happened a couple of months ago. The naysayers have been pretty vocal in condemning anyone remotely connected to the brand, including independent distributors and retailers. Individual brands, meaning personal brands, are just as critical for maintaining as are corporate brands. Either these artists and athletes do not see any risk, or they were paid well enough to allay any fears.

It is critical for Bud Light to get on with doing business, crisis or not. Their silence lasted a bit too long. The ticking clock suggested the brand did not know what to do. But with the new campaign, even though they are acting as if nothing happened, it is better than silence. And you would never want to bring up April again anyway, so it is apropos for them to pick up the pieces and try to rebuild their position as the top-selling beer. After all, even with the controversy, they only slipped to second. It’s not as if they were exiled to an uninhabited island.

Welcome back, Bud Light. Although it was pretty noisy on social media it was rather quiet on the telly. While marketing text book authors will be mentioning the controversy for years to come—much like Coca Cola’s fateful move in 1985 to kill its flagship brand, only to reinstate it��I am betting that Bud Light will regain its prominence. Heck, we forgave Coca Cola its moment of indiscretion, and we will likely do the same for Bud Light.

One can hope, anyway.

Dr “Still Not My Beer, Though” Gerlich

Audio Blog

#marketing #advertising #Bud Light

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thebubblesareevil · 2 years ago

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My lab partner is dead, does that mean I get extra credit?

‘Why did she decide to take this class again?’ Barbara thought as she sat in her robotics class. She gave a sigh, ‘because that jerk that’s selling test answers is in this class and she needed to catch him in the act if she was going to report him’ she looked around as she entered the room, most of the seats in the room were taken but lucky for her there was a seat available with a perfect view of her target and the only other person sitting at that table seemed to be passed out so they won’t notice a thing. She made a beeline for the seat and started setting up her supplies, ‘its absolutely freezing right here’ she looked up to see the vent above her. ‘We’ll that explains why no one wanted to sit here’ she thought pulling out her jacket from her bag. She took out one last piece of equipment, a gift from Bruce, a pencil case with a camera on the end with a pen trigger. Her table mate had yet to move when the teacher entered, in fact it looked like he didn’t move at all, Barbara was close to checking his pulse until the teacher called his name for the third time “Daniel Fenton!” He jumped up and said here and she decides she must have been imagining things. When class started. For the most part Barbara ignore the sluggish teen next to her, and planned to do so for the rest of the semester, until her teacher announced lad partners that is. She reluctantly turned to Daniel and held out her hand “let’s work hard!” She said with a forced smile. He looked at her hand for a second before shaking her hand “sure” before laying his head back on the desk. Barbara sighs and decides to ask the teacher if she can trade partners at the end of class, then returns to her observing (spying) on Lloyd. Not noticing she wasn’t the only one observing her classmates.

After class let out Barbara approached the teaches desk, determined to get a new partner. She didn’t even get a chance to speak when the teacher stopped her. “I know what you’re going to say, and no you can’t switch all partner assignments are final unless I am given a valid cause.” Barbara sighed and headed for her locker. She just opened her locker when there was a thump on the other side of the door. She looked on the other side to find Daniel leaning against the next locker. “I’m in” she froze staring at her lab partner. It took her a moment to gather her thought before she asked “what exactly are you in”

“I don’t know why you’re spying on Lloyd, it’s pretty obvious you DONT have a crush on him, the look you just gave me proves it, so you’re planning something, I don’t care what it is but I’m in.”

“I’m sorry, you’ve been here for a grand total of what two days? Why do you want to help me?”

“Oh no offense but it has nothing to do with you. The dude tried to shove me in a locker my first day here. He’s a dick and I don’t know what he did to receive YOUR ire, but I’m sure he deserves it, so I’m in.”

Barbara freezes, Daniel tilts his head questioning. “Okay but this doesn’t change the fact that you better pull your weight in class and in this investigation.” Daniel laughs

“My weight may be half dead but I’d like to think I carry it pretty well.”

Barbara snorts “well then Daniel I do believe we have reached an accord. I do believe this is the start of a beautiful friendship”

“Please call me Danny, the only people who call me Daniel are typically trying to kill me.” He paused “well finish the job at least.” He says with a shrug

———

Miles away at Gotham city police department commissioner Jim Gordon felt a shiver creep up his spine

I will be adding more so keep an eye out this is just the beginning mwahahaha

#danny phantom #barbara gordon #dc x dp #ghost king danny #au #highschool detective team activate!#detective comics #Bruce Wayne #Lloyd sucks #I’m sorry to all the non sucky Lloyd’s out there but this one sucks

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lazypeachsoul · 4 years ago

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you promise?

Request: by anon “Could you write an Osferth drabble. About anything you'd like. Please and thank you.”

Warnings: Nothing.

Word count: 1,8k

A/N: Here's the first fic for The Last Kingdom Week! Hope you enjoy some sweet baby monk. I might have gone overboard with this story, but I can't help it when it comes to osferth. Enjoy 🌼

The streets of Cookham were bustling with workers returning home from the fields that surrounded the village. Thanks to Lord Uhtred and his fame the once forgotten town had become a stop for every merchant that traveled through Wessex and the workload had increased. And you were no different than any of those other people.

The sun was now setting and it was your time to return the children you minded back to their homes, where their overworked parents would take care of them. It wasn’t normal for common workers to have child minders, normally leaving the kids at home with their mothers, but Cookham was busier than ever and women were working the fields too. And that left you to take care of the little rascals that lived in town.

You had tried to work as a seamstress and at the alehouse, but nothing seemed to really suit you. Well, at least until you started taking care of the kids. You didn’t get much pay since the people you worked for were underpaid to begin with, but the little you got you saved for a new fabric, or a sweet treat or for those times you would meet Osferth at the alehouse and you wanted to prove him that you were a hard working woman.

And how you loved those times. Osferth seemed to always be busy either training or meeting with the rest of what had now been named the “Cookham squad”. Lord Uhtred and his loyal warriors were the talk of all Wessex and a great source of gossip for the entire town. Lord Uhtred and his beautiful wife Gisela took care of the people that lived inside their walls. Then there was Finan, the loud irishman who seemed to bring joy and fun to any occasion celebrated, always close to him was Sihtric, the mysterious dane who didn’t speak much but said a lot with just a look. And the last one was the monk who is not really a monk Osferth.

When you first met him you were trying to learn to become a barmaid and accidentally tripped on his foot, sending a pitcher of ale flying everywhere and leaving you both embarrassed and asking for mutual forgiveness. Since that moment, you had started to meet together at the alehouse every few days, providing you with a nice friendship but keeping all the rules a respectable young unmarried woman should follow.

And that’s exactly where you were headed after dropping your last child at home with his grateful mother. Your heart skipped a beat when you saw the familiar blonde mop of hair sitting on one of the outside benches, and you had to admit to yourself that maybe it was more than just casual meetings at the alehouse. At that moment Osferth turned around and waved in your direction and with a small wave you made your way to the bench, sitting in front of him.

“I thought you didn’t see me, you looked distracted.” Osferth's sweet voice spoke and you had to admit he was right, you almost missed it because of your constant daydreaming about the man. But you couldn’t admit that.

“Excuse me, the children were wild and I’m extremely tired. Must be because of the nice weather.”

“Maybe we should meet another day, I wouldn’t want to tire you more Lady-” “No!”

You hadn’t been able to stop the agitated answer from coming out when you heard his dismissal. You were tired but never too tired to stop meeting Osferth. You could feel your cheeks hot with embarrassment and you tried to clear your throat to diffuse the tension.

“I mean, I would rather stay here with you and relax with a friend.”

Osferth’s face seemed to harden at your words but as soon as the barmaid brought you two cups of ale everything seemed to go back to normal, except for a small curious voice at the back of your head wanting to know why the expression changed.

“A friend. Of course. I enjoy the time we spend together too.” He nodded his head, his blonde hair falling in front of his eyes before taking a sip from his cup. “The weather is really nice so I wouldn’t blame the children. Lord Uhtred told us that the weather would turn nicer before we leave.”

You felt the ale you had been drinking get stuck in your throat but you tried to conceal it with a soft cough so as to not cause a scene in the packed alehouse. Leave? They were leaving?

“Are you leaving soon? You didn’t say anything before.”

“Lord Uhtred just confirmed it this morning. The King has requested the Lord’s help in some negotiations with the danes. He thought it best for us to accompany him since his history with the king is not the most amicable.”

You nodded along as he spoke but your brain was overworking itself trying to comprehend the situation. They were leaving to assist the King of Wessex and they would leave Cookham unattended for God knows how long. Of course the real reason you were worried was not the village, Lady Gisela could take care of it and more without a problem, you were worried about Osferth and you. Was there even an 'Osferth and you' to worry about?

“That’s...great that the King and our Lord are speaking again. Maybe it might help us get resources from the crown.” You tried to excuse your previous silence but it must have been obvious you were deep in thought because Osferth looked at you with a curious face. “And when are you leaving?”

“We’re expected to depart tomorrow morning. Apparently those matters are very important and require us to be there as soon as possible.” He shrugged in a move to downplay the entire situation.

Silence was the only thing that could be heard from your side of the bench, a deep contrast from the rest of the groups happily chatting and drinking. The table was silent but your mind was not, still overthinking every word your companion had said. You were overthinking so much that you almost missed his quiet voice.

“I am going to miss you.” Osferth spoke and as soon as you looked at him again he seemed to flush. “And our conversations. Or friendly conversations as...friends.”

You wanted to laugh at the poor man in front of you. In the many months you had known Osferth you had never seen him that flustered in his life, cheeks and ears bright red and a stuttering mess.

“I’m going to miss you too Osferth. And our friendly meetings.” You placed your hand next to his on the table next to his, not wanting to overstep and make the poor man more uncomfortable.

He moved his hand carefully almost imperceptibly until his fingers touched yours and a warm feeling ran down your entire arm from your hand. He seemed to be the one deep in thought at the moment and you almost wished you could pick at his brain to see what was going on. Is that how he felt every time you zoned out?

“Maybe you could remember me-” “Of course I’m going to remember you Osferth, don’t be silly. You are not going to war, only a mission for the king.”

A nervous chuckle was the only thing he could let out now and his reactions were starting to worry you a bit. If it was only a small trip he shouldn't have been that nervous.

“Let me finish. Maybe if I gave you something that you could remember me by, it would be easier.”

“You don’t have to do that, Osferth. I will remember you anyways.” You tried to reason with him but you couldn’t stop him from moving to look for something in the pockets of his robes.

After a bit of fussing with the robes he placed his closed fist on top of your hand, opening it just enough for something small and metallic to fall into your hand. Moving your hand closer you found a small fragile chain that seemed to have been at least as old as you.

“It’s not much, just a scrap of metal if you try to sell it. But it was my mother’s, the only thing I have from her. I hid it from the monks when I was growing up so they wouldn’t take it away. Carried it into battle with me every time I’ve fought too.”

Every single word of the explanation seemed to make your throat close a bit more and your eyes glossier. You knew Osferth had no real memories with his mother and you could imagine how important that bracelet must have been for him.

“I can’t accept it, it’s so important to you. Why would you give it to me?” You debated with your head shaking and trying to push the chain into his hand again. “Don’t be silly, Osferth. It’s your mother’s bracelet.”

“You must keep it. Please.” He kept his fist tightly closed to avoid you giving him back the piece of jewelry. “I want you to have it.”

“But I don’t have anything to give you in return.”

You kept trying to pry his fist open, all in vain because he wouldn’t even budge. You wanted to get up and hug him for such a meaningful gesture and hit him at the same time for wanting to part with such a meaningful piece.

“You have.” He spoke, grabbing your hand and halting your movements. “Maybe you can give me your promise.”

You looked at him curiously at what his proposal might be. Maybe he just wanted you to take care of Lady Gisela, you knew how he saw her as the mother he never had. Or maybe he wanted you to care for Lord Uhtred’s children.

“You can promise me that once I’m back from Wincester you will allow me to properly court you.” He explained and you felt your heart stop. “I-If you want, of course.”

Courting Osferth was not something you had thought about, mainly because you had nothing to offer. Your parents didn’t have fields or many resources they could offer a prospective husband. And Osferth was a warrior, so you thought settling down seemed to be out of the picture for him. But you had to admit the idea made your stomach turn in the best way possible.

You realized you had been thinking for a long time and still hadn’t given an answer when you felt him squeezing your hand. Could you promise him something like that?

“I promise.” Of course you could, the idea of a lifetime with Osferth only made you more excited about life. “Only you have to promise me to come back soon.”

He nodded with enthusiasm, moving his hands to take the small chain from your delicate hand and clasp it around your wrist. This mission hadn’t even started and you already wanted it to end.

Taglist: @webreathfandoms @thebohemianpenguin @emilyhufflepufftlk @solinarimoon

#the last kingdom imagine #the last kingdom x reader #tlk imagine #tlk x reader #osferth x reader #osferth imagine #tlk week #myfic

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torque-witch · 3 years ago

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Death’s Head Divination & co is moving! We need your help 🥲

I want to start off by saying that we would not be able to move without your continued support over the last year, throughout a pandemic, and we could not be more grateful for that! But unfortunately 600 sq feet of space is not enough for me to run a business (practically & well) out of, without cramping my husband and pets.

I’m going to break down everything financially as well as I can so that everything is transparent as possible for why I am asking for help! I want to clarify that while this is not an emergency, it is going to tank my savings account even before we are able to purchase furniture. We are moving into a small house, and there are so many things we need that apartments don’t necessarily require. I want to be clear while this is a privilege, it still costs a lot of money upfront to move. More space costs more money and since we are planning to live there for a few years before we can purchase a house, it’s just about the same amount of money that we would be spending to fill a new house anyway. I’m not expecting y’all to pay for my shit, but we both (my husband and I) rely on savings for emergencies because this is America. Without that accessible anymore, it is just added stress.

Lastly, I am working DoorDash currently to supplement my income because Etsy covers bills, but nothing else. I am disabled and cannot return to the regular workforce, nor can I guarantee that my health will always be stable. That’s why having emergency $ has been so incredibly helpful since the beginning of the pandemic and now I need to spend it so that we can move on to better things, literally.

Moving Costs - Most Important

$950 - House Deposit : paid 7/8

$1420 - Last two months rent at current apartment. The lease requires a 60-day notice for lease-breaking, but our lease ends at the end of September anyway so it’s not avoidable.

$985 - 1st month’s rent up front

$100 - Water deposit : paid 7/8

$56 - Rental Insurance Deposit : paid 7/8

~$100 - UHaul rental

$141 - Electricity deposit : paid 7/16

$110 Pet Carpet Cleaner - paid 7/16

New Things We Will Need to Buy

**These are not emergency buys, but ASAP or over time.

$180 - Bed Frame. We currently don’t have one at all, just a mattress over an old box spring.

$160 - TV stand. We are currently using cube storage and the cat peed all over the bottom so the particle board is weakened and expanded 🙃

$300+ - 1 or 2 AC units for this heat wave and/or if the central air doesn’t cool enough. We don’t currently own any.

$1200+ - Washer/Dryer set since this is the first time we will have hookups. We use an off-site laundromat currently.

$300 - Two bookshelves. For books, but also to store my shop supplies safely.

$200+ - Printer for the business so I can offer cheaper shipping and/or new products, better branding.

$170 - New desk for work

$200 - Hutch. We also sell glassware and it is currently all stuffed in the cube storage under the TV.

$400 - Kitchen island/eating area

$150 - Weedwacker. The house comes with a tiny yard that is currently overtaken by incredibly giant weeds.

$300 ish - Secondary seating to match the couch.

$$$ - Misc things like bedding, rugs, curtains, chairs, storage & cleaning supplies. Ladder??

**Yes, where possible we will thrift furniture/other misc needs

I’m sure there are tons of things I am forgetting overall, but this is the gist of our expected expenses over the next few months.

What I’m Offering

All Hel Mary’s will be 15% off though 7/31/21 or later if we still need more help. This includes finished and pre-made listings. New arrivals may not be discounted until a week or so after sitting in the shop.

*Not every piece I have available to paint or purchase finished is listed in the shop! If you are looking for something specific, I still have a lot in storage and other finished pieces in local stores that have not sold. I am planning on taking back at least 4 pieces that aren’t selling locally to add back into the shop.

*Klarna payments (4 - 1/4 payments every two weeks) are available through Etsy for orders over $50. I cannot offer scheduled payments through me directly.

Please expect your budget for hand-made work to be between $80-$250. All statues are thrifted first and then redecorated.

*Shipping times for made-to-order are usually 2-3 weeks but can be up to 4. This is so that I can manage other avenues of my income like vintage and DoorDash plus moving.

**I also offer custom statues and have examples of Freyja, Inanna, Hekate, Artemis, Persephone & Aphrodite

Other Sales

All current stock of vintage decor, witchy decor, altar decor, tea accessories & misc will be 25% through 7/31/21 or later. New arrivals may not be discounted until at least 1 week of sitting in the shop.

*Shipping on Etsy can be difficult, so if you have multiple items in your cart and the shipping looks high, message me first on Etsy and I can re-evaluate or make you a custom listing.

*All items ship priority because of weight & fragile nature.

*Klarna payments are also available for any orders over $50.

*I do take requests to find specific items but cannot guarantee I will have the time right now to do so. Message me on Etsy if you are looking for something specific and your budget, and I will do my best to schedule time for you.

**Important**

Any new arrivals will not be discounted until they have been sitting for at least a week. I regularly offer new arrivals on Instagram first come first serve, but sometimes post here as well for more traffic.

While I do normally offer other hand-painted items, they will be discontinued for a few months in order to handle the moving situation and setting up my office space. I do not currently offer Tarot readings anymore because of the immense amount of energy required.

What if I don’t want to buy anything?

That’s totally okay! You can support us in other ways, some of which are not financial.

Venmo - torquevvitch

CashApp- $TorqueWitch

Paypal - [email protected] (Friends & Family only please)

Reblog! Share!

Follow my Instagram ➡️ dhdivination At 3k followers I will host a giveaway! (After the move)

*I won’t be listing my Amazon or Etsy wishlists because I’m not sure house measurements for everything we need. $$ is preferred, but you can message me about specific things you may be interested in buying for us.

Leave a review on Etsy if you’ve purchase before!

Follow my Facebook Page ➡️ DHDivination

Where to Find Me or My Items

Instagram - dhdivination

Facebook - dhdivination

Etsy - Deaths Head Divination (Prefer messages here for products!)

WayWardWitchAuctions on Instagram - Auctions of new arrivals or discounts on art & products every Friday through Sunday plus other vendors!

Black Forge Coffee House - McKees Rocks & Allentown, PGH PA

The Broom Closet - Castle Shannon, PGH PA

Electric Cat - Hel Mary Earrings (We do statue collabs as well!)

Thank you again so much for giving us the opportunity to actually live in a house! Your support over the years on Tumblr and in the shop has meant everything, and gave me the confidence to quit my job and do this full time! I wouldn’t be here without you. If you have any questions, suggestions or otherwise, please feel free to reach out 🖤

#deaths head divination #witchcraft community #witch #witchcraft #witchy #hel #metaphysical #hel mary #sale #Etsy sale #etsy shop #metaphysical shop #witchy shop #witchy shopping #vintage #vintage witch #moving sale #pagan #altar space

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archies-litterbox · 3 years ago

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Home

Summary: Some times when Douxie called the castle his home, and one time Merlin realized his son saw the castle as his home whether he was ready to process that or not (and he wasn’t).

Words: 2000

A/N: I got this done! I actually challenged myself by making sure each little segment of the fic was EXACTLY 500 words, and I had a lot of fun! hope you like it <3

[CW: Hurt/Comfort, Kidnapping, Nightmares (there’s way more softness in this than the CW makes it look I swear-)]

The typical chatter of the marketplace was overshadowed by Hisirdoux’s skipping steps, and those were overshadowed by the moppet humming a little tune to himself that Merlin couldn’t make sense of. It was one of many things about the little apprentice that didn’t exactly make sense, but when Merlin brought the boy along to finish an errand, what he truly dreaded was that the boy would be insufferable and get distracted at every turn. So, really, endearing -

- “Endearing to who?” Merlin asked in response to his own internal monologue, because the humming from the boy, a sure sign that his apprentice was content at the very least, was most certainly not endearing to him -

- So, really, definitely-not-endearing humming of silly, nonsensical tunes was a more-than-adequate alternative to that insufferability and distraction, Merlin was sure.

“Getting that potion ingredient was easier than I thought!” Hisirdoux said happily, the spring in his step ever-present, “The merchant wasn’t even cross with me, like usual - like when I come here by myself.”

“Have you considered,” Merlin started, “That she’d been cross because of your notorious slight-of-hand? And your pickpocketing and street tricks has rendered her wary of your possible antics?”

Hisirdoux shrugged, rubbed the back of his head in obvious sheepishness, and turned his gaze elsewhere, “Mayyyybe-”

His face lit up in excitement, his eyes widening as his mouth formed an “O” shape when he saw something off to the street’s side.

“Ooooh! Look!” He turned a little to the side, bringing his hands up as he started to wander to a stand selling some sweet treats, “They’re selling-”

Merlin put a hand on his shoulder to still the boy, who was already a handful without the added hyperactivity of sugar.

“Nothing of importance, Hisirdoux.”

He turned the boy forward again, put his hand on top of Hisirdoux’s head, and turned it forward again as well.

“Awwwh.” Hisirdoux whined.

“We have what we came down here for, and Wizards are many things, but they are not frivolous.” he said as he kept walking, a slightly-pouting moppet walking alongside him, “We’re heading straight back to the castle. There are better pastry bakers there, anyway.”

Hisirdoux’s disappointed pout left his face.

“Right, right.” he said, as if he were reminded of how happy he was just to be out here, on what he probably thought of as a beautiful day, although Merlin was rather impartial to the sunny weather.

“Let’s go home, Master!”

...Home?

Did he mean the castle?

Though he kept moving physically, putting one armor-plated foot in front of the other, Merlin’s mind froze as he looked down at the joyful, beaming moppet. To hear Hisirdoux refer to the castle as his home…

Well, Merlin knew he should have expected it at this point, considering the boy’s utter lack of a permanent roof over his head before, but he still didn’t know what to make of it, if there was anything to make of it.

So, he sighed.

“The castle isn’t that far away.”

The dark circles under the boy’s eyes looked darker in hue than usual today, but of course, that was only due to the contrast against the unusual paleness of his face. Said eyes looked up at Merlin with a rather lacking amount of cognizance as the Master Wizard stood over the moppet. Stripped of his bulky leather hooded vest in favor of keeping on only his trousers and tunic, so he didn’t overheat, Hisirdoux’s deep breaths through his mouth were only interrupted by a brief, pitiful sniffle of his nose.

“Mathter, ‘th thith… plague?” He was hoarse from coughing and nasally from his awful congestion. To this, Merlin only huffed - of course, leave it to his ever-dramatic apprentice to leap to the most dire conclusion possible, even though he couldn’t even rightly walk down to the throne room in this state.

“Not unless a rather nasty cold has become the new plague of Camelot.” he answered, “you should have come back sooner from your last errand, Hisirdoux, before it started to pour.”

Hisirdoux groaned, either out of his achy, miserable condition, or frustration with hearing the old man lecture him, or both.

“I know, I know-”

A wet cough cut him off, making him curl up before he flopped back down on the bed.

“Ugh, ithn’t there thome…” he swallowed, as if to clear his throat of sickly gunk as best he could without another hacking, “I dunno, “thickness begone-iuth” thpell, or thomething?”

“I won’t use magic to alleviate your sickness, if that’s what you’re implying.” Merlin denied, “Although unpleasant, your condition is far from serious, and your symptoms should alleviate in a few days, at the most. If I use magic on something so mere, your natural immune system will weaken, and a dependence on magic to maintain your health is dangerous, so-”

“But Mathter-”

“Don’t “But Mathter” me.”

Hisirdoux sighed, a shaky, ugly-sounding thing, too exhausted to even spare a laugh at how Merlin imitated him.

“Magic ithn’t a permithible shortcut…” he started, but he trailed off and punctuated the statement with another little sniffle.

It seemed, remarkably, Hisirdoux remembered a few of Merlin’s teachings, despite his low-grade fever.

Which reminded him…

The Master Wizard sighed and conjured a cold, damp rag, enchanted to not dry out or get tepid. Making sure it was properly folded, he laid it right onto Hisirdoux’s forehead.

“Oh, ‘th nithe…” he mumbled, “thank you…”

“Your plans for today are postponed, of course.” Merlin declared, “You’re to stay here and rest.”

“But-” Hisirdoux’s eyebrows furrowed, “I wath thupposed to go out and do that… that thing… and get the thing… from the plathe…”

Of course, it must have been harder for the boy to think sensibly and make sense than usual.

“And that will wait until your condition improves.” Merlin finalized, “Am I clear?”

Hisirdoux, resigned, nodded.

“Yeth, Mathter… thtaying home it ith, then.”

Before Merlin had anywhere near enough time to be surprised at that word, “home”, Hisirdoux fell right to sleep.

Merlin couldn’t remember a time when he’d felt like this before; when he couldn’t tell if he was more terrified or furious.

But he couldn’t be bothered to try to figure that out - not when, after hours of Hisirdoux being late coming back to the castle, a shoddily-written ransom note made its way to the desk of the Master Wizard’s study.

Thankfully, Hisirdoux’s familiar could trace it by it’s unpleasant scent. Merlin followed Archibald as the cat-dragon followed the scent trail to some disgusting hovel in a forest clearing, with some deplorable men hanging around it’s outside.

When Merlin laid eyes on them... he leveled them with any spells he could remember through his rage at them all; at their audacity.

Of course, it had been some incompetent group of bandits, but only a fool equated incompetency with harmlessness; just because these idiots didn’t know what they were doing didn’t mean that Hisirdoux was safe.

So, he shifted his focus on finding his apprentice, even if he had to reduce every board of this blasted cabin to splinters.

But it didn’t come to that; the second Merlin stepped in, he saw him.

Hisirdoux was curled up in a corner, sitting on his heels with his hands bound behind him, his arms bound steadfast to his torso, and a piece of cloth tied between his teeth. He was unharmed, but terrified.

Hisirdoux’s muffled cry that came out when he saw Merlin shattered the old man’s heart.

He never ran faster in his life.

A small, very precise blast from Archie made the bonds around Hisirdoux’s wrists and torso come loose, and when Merlin got to him, he pulled the cloth gag out as fast as he could without hurting him, letting it lay around his neck.

The instant his arms were fully free and Merlin was close enough, Hisirdoux hugged him, clinging to the Wizard for dear life and crying his heart out against his armored shoulder.

“Are you hurt? Did they do anything to you?”

Merlin felt Hisirdoux shake his head. He could tell he was swallowing to try to get some moisture back in his mouth. It had probably been dried out by that blasted gag, and who knew if they’d given him any water?

“No, just-” he gasped, “Scared.”

Those bandits would soon forget the very meaning of mercy.

For now, Merlin focused on rubbing soothing circles against the boy’s back, seeing that his ankles were bound. Merlin didn’t even notice before, and Hisirdoux was so hasty - so desperate for comfort that he didn’t even wait. He didn’t even seem to care.

Archie started cutting them loose.

“I-” Hisirdoux hiccuped, “I wanna go home.”

The shattered remnants of Merlin’s heart melted.

Home.

His son wanted to go home.

He sighed, moving one of his hands to cradle the back of the poor boy’s head, passing his fingers through his un-bunned hair.

“Please,” he whined, “take me home.”

Merlin nodded, the side of his head rubbing Hisirdoux’s.

“Right… right.”

It was long past nightfall, and the castle was quiet, so Merlin tried to tread the corridors lightly so his armored feet wouldn’t clank against the floor and wake anyone; the last thing he wanted was for any particular moppetish apprentices to stir.

That boy… he had already gone through so much he hadn’t deserved, and for what? To what end? Merlin presumed that before he’d found him in that alley, he’d been treated poorly for being not only a street rat, but a magical one at that. And now, even though he was the Wizard’s apprentice, that treatment hadn’t truly gone away; no, it only shifted onto new grounds: the grounds that... he was the Wizard’s apprentice. Now, much of the animosity sent his way was truly meant for Merlin; directing it at Hisirdoux merely amplified it. Strengthened the blow.

And that blow was strengthened today.

Merlin remembered the note’s creases under his fingertips as it trembled in his shaking hand; the door creaking open with a shriek in its hinges and showing Merlin his apprentice, bound and gagged and terrified in the corner of that hovel; Hisirdoux wailing against his shoulder; the trembling of his son in his arms. He remembered it all.

“Hisirdoux…”

He passed the sleeping boy’s door… and sensed magic from behind it. Unusual magic for this hour. In the little gap between the door and the floor, he could see the blue glow of his magic, too. Unmistakeable.

“...Hisirdoux?”’

He stopped at the door and pushed it open, only to be met with a fretful sight before him (not nearly as bad as the last time he’d pushed a door open to find Hisirdoux today, but it was rather close.)

The boy was thrashing in his sleep - tossing and turning in his blankets to the point where they’d started to tangle around him, which only made his obviously-nightmare-induced thrashing worse. Magic thrummed from his hands as he fought back against… something, and even Archibald, who had curled up on his abdomen to soothe him to sleep earlier tonight, couldn’t quell his night terror.

Merlin knelt down at the boy’s bedside and put a hand on his shoulder, shaking him lightly, “Hisirdoux!”

“N-no! Stop!” he pleaded, thrashing harder to get the hand off him, “Get away! Leave me ALONE! Let me GO!”

Merlin shook him harder.

“HISIRDOUX!” he shouted.

Finally, the boy’s eyes snapped open, and he gasped.

For a moment, he just breathed as lucidity seeped back into him. After realizing he was in the realm of the conscious, he put his hands to the sides of his head.

“Master…” he squeaked, “Where-”

“It’s alright, Hisirdoux. You’re safe.” he assured, “You’re home.”

Honestly, the words just slipped out, for Merlin, shocked by himself, doubted that he would have ever said them otherwise.

And with now-even-wider eyes, Hisirdoux looked just as shocked.

… Well, no good rescinding it now. How could he, really?

“You’re home.”

Hisirdoux nodded, a shaky smile on his face.

“...Home.”

#fic: home #my writing #mine #douxie #hisirdoux casperan #merlin #merlin ambrosius #wizard dad #tales of arcadia #toa #wizards #toa wizards #moppet!douxie #hurt/comfort

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s0ulm8s · 4 years ago

Text

boys like you (1.0)

✿ summary : alone and left in a mansion with nothing but your canvases and the dust slowly collecting on the window sills - a commission and a call from a childhood friend completely changes your life.

✿ genre : ot7 x f!reader, poly au, hybrid au, soulmate au, deer!seokjin, black panther!yoongi, great dane!hoseok, wolf!namjoon, calico cat!jimin, tiger!taehyung, bunny!jungkook

✿ warnings : mentions of death, maybe some mentions of assault, some fluff, reader is described as small (i.e smaller than jimin), slight age gap (reader is younger than jungkook)

✿ word count : 2.2K

✿ author’s note : i am inexperienced in hybrid aus, smut, and series so pls bare with me (not proofread yet)

✿ series masterlist! | 2.0

making yourself buckle down and work on the piece in front of you had proven to be more of a task than you had originally anticipated. the wide expanse of blank canvas you had stretched yourself 3 weeks ago, mocked you from the the sun room. it was only four days before you had to deliver your piece that you had really forced yourself to pick up a paint brush and do something useful.

the endless days spent alone in the vast building you now called home was doing a number on your psyche. the sheer loneliness seemed to eat away at not only your sanity but aided to your artist’s block - it was truly a gruesome cycle. locked away in an beautiful estate that you never asked for.

not only that, but working from home and having an all but nonexistent social life in a country you only permanently moved to a year prior was a fate worse than you had imagined.

you huffed, finally setting your small brush down on the easel, stepping back to assess your final draft. despite being so unmotivated and plum out of ideas, you were still proud of what you created - you had promised yourself long ago that you’d never sell a piece you abhorred, and you’d remained true to that promise thus far.

a blaring ring ripped you out of your critical trance trained on the landscape in front of you, startling you as your heartbeat quickened in pace.

“hello?” you answered, soft voice flowing through the other end as you anticipated the response from the unknown caller.

“yah! y/n! is that you?” the voice that responded was loud and excited, the baritone of it something you could never forget. a staple soundtrack from the summers you spent with your father in south korea.

“mingi? how’d you get my number?” you asked, a genuine smile flooding your face at the sound of his familiar laugh on the other end.

of course, the two of you had stayed in brief contact since meeting as children. but as you grew, you saw less of each other. three years ago he and his boyfriend, yunho, had successfully started their own rehabilitation and adoption center for hybrids. the first year was hard, but the business quickly gained popularity and as the creator - he’d been exceptionally busy since her permanent move to south korea. they had two permanent doctors on staff, kim hongjoong and park seonghwa, along with a 24 hour staff. the workers were really exceptional, but you had only ever met their core group when the business first started. which included: choi san, jung wooyoung, choi jongho, kang yeosang, the two doctors, and of course the two owners.

“you were commissioned by a friend of mine! which is actually why i wanted to reach out.” he answered happily as your breathing evened and heartbeat finally settled.

“it’s good to hear from you, really. what can i do for you?” you asked sweetly, and mingi only briefly thought about teasing you for your soft tone and giving nature.

“would you be able to come to the adoption wing today? i’m working here all day as we’ve some new hybrids ready to find a new home. maybe in about an hour? you could join me on my rounds and we could talk. i’d like to see you, anyways. i’ve missed you.” mingi spoke professionally, but his admission made tears prick at your eyes. he almost sounded like the sixteen year old boy who had stolen your first kiss when visiting your father that summer and the memory of when things were simpler stung in your chest. your cheeks flushed. mingi smiled at your silence, knowing he had flustered his best childhood friend. you narrowed your eyes briefly, as he had tried to convince you many times in the past to adopt a hybrid of your own - but you had declined, not entirely convinced that you could provide an exceptional life for another being. because even though your knowledge on hybrids wasn't nearly as advanced as mingi’s, you still knew the basics. they weren't just animals, they were human. and there was no guarantee there. there never was with humans. you hesitate.

“y-yes. i can come by, i’ve just got to swing by and deliver my painting beforehand.” you answered as you both agreed on the meeting the time. “oh, and mingi? i’ve missed you, too.” you said genuinely as he broke into a toothy smile. it had been ages since he’d seen you, and though he knew he could blame it on his work - he didn’t know how to face you after the death of your father. he couldn’t bring himself to be there for you, to see you so broken, and he had blamed himself for that everyday. it was a relief to hear you say it. you had always been so forgiving, sometimes to a fault.

after bidding your goodbyes to the tall boy on the other side of the phone, you quickly changed clothes into something not completely ruined by the muted pigments of your paint, loaded up in your small suv, and you were off.

the delivery of your piece went smoothly, no heckling or disapproving gazes from the wealthy couple, which made your trip to TWILIGHT that much faster. you pushed open the double doors connected to the building in the right wing, clearly labeled ADOPTION.

the smell of roses and lavender was strong in the reception area, the scent was welcoming and calming as you walked up to the front desk.

“y/n!” the dark haired boy behind the computer called, finally rolling away from behind the screen. kang yeosang. “it’s so good to see you!” he exclaimed, eyes scanning your face as he made his way around the counter and pulled you into a soft embrace.

“likewise, yeo! it’s been a while hasn't it?” you ask rhetorically as you stare up at his daunting height.

“mmm” he hummed with a nod, releasing you. “i'll let mingi know you’re here.” he called, returning to his place behind the sleek desk, paging mingi, and then proceeding to catch up with you.

the small conversation didn’t last long before a pair of heavy footsteps drug your gaze to the wide staircase, mingi barreling down them.

you braced yourself as the giant scooped you up into a bone crushing embrace, spinning your small frame around in a circle as he let out a happy laugh. your arms snaked around the man’s neck to secure your place and return the hug.

you giggled happily as mingi finally set you down in your original place, looking down at you excitedly. had he gotten taller? impossible. maybe you had shrunk?

after an exchange of excited greetings, mingi gestured to his clipboard before finally asking, “you ready?”

you nodded softly and followed close behind as he guided you down the halls of the adoption center. he gave you the rundown of their center, showing you the wide expanse of spotless rooms sealed in by plexiglass to show the hybrids ready to be rescued. he explained that most hybrids were separated by predator, prey, species, breed, etc. but many were grouped together with their respective packs. the rooms were quite lavish, but not very homey. but what could you expect from an adoption clinic? the point was to find homes.

you passed many show exhibits, watching intently at the small dogs or tall humans sitting in the rooms patiently, playing with one another or napping quietly. you cooed at a few.

“so i asked to see you because i’d love to have your art displayed in our business.” he propositioned, leading you into an empty room as the automatic doors opened and shut behind you. you nodded, heart lurching a bit as you recalled your artist’s block. you shook the thought away as you observed the room. it was large, littered with scattered pieces of nice furniture and random toys. “ideally, i’d love to have your pieces throughout the whole establishment but this is my main concern.” he finished, gesturing to the empty space on the large wall, the one you’re faced with when first entering.

“are you wanting a mural?” you ask, voice now stable and a bit louder.

“i'd like the piece to cover the majority of the wall, but i’d rather have it on canvas if that’s doable. in case it needs to be moved.” he explained as you nodded, taking in rough measurements of the space as mingi explained his vision for the space - effectively helping you circulate a few ideas on what you could create. you accepted his offer as he discussed payment and supplies with you, adding in an extra cost at the large measurement of the canvas you’d need custom made.

the air in the room grew a bit thick at the sound of a small beep, alerting the two of you to another door opening. your skin was now a bit hot and you suddenly became very aware of your surroundings. your fingers tingled a bit. usually a foreign feeling such as the one you were experiencing would send you into a panic, but it didn’t. if anything you felt quite calm as you looked on inquisitively at the distant thump coming toward the two of you.

“ah, it’s look like some of our hybrids are finished with their check ups.” mingi announced as you nodded lazily. he turned to you. “we usually send them into the lounge area for about an hour after routine check ups. helps them calm down.”

suddenly, you could pay no mind to mingi’s words as a black bunny rounded the corner, back foot slapping the tile exceptionally hard every so often as you smiled down at the creature happily. it stopped in it’s tracks as it’s gaze landed upon you, rearing up on it’s back legs, and tilting it’s head innocently as it examined you.

you knelt down to greet him, the bunny immediately approaching you and sniffing your hand before accepting you and nuzzling into you closer. mingi was taken aback as he observed the usually reserved and nervous rabbit.

“hello.” you cooed, stroking the bunny effortlessly, careful to avoid his ears and tail, briefly recalling how sensitive they could be. “what’s your name?” you asked as mingi coughed.

“this is jeongguk, he’s one of our younger hyrbrids. the youngest in his pack.” he told you as you picked the bunny up and set him into your small lap. mingi almost gasped at the interaction between you and the rabbit as you pet him happily.

your trance was interrupted at the light purr and brush of a small calico next to you. you instinctively reach out to pet him, as he rubbed into your hand. “and who might you be?”

“this is jimin, the two are in a pack.” mingi attempted to explain, trying to understand the absence of jimin’s usually protective behavior and unable to tell you the full story before you asked him something he was not expecting.

“and they’re ready to be adopted?” you asked softly, not even looking up at mingi as he stuttered. the idea of adopting a hybrid didn’t seem so far-fetched now at how taken you were with the two animals in your lap. you could handle the bunny and cat, without a doubt.

“y-yes but we only adopt out entire packs together and -”

“of course, i wouldn’t dream of separating them. is there anyway i could meet them properly, as soon as i possible i think -” you interrupt. starting to gush a bit, voice hushed and excitable.

mingi cut you off, “no, y/n. you aren’t listening. they aren’t just a pack of two.” he sighed, as your gaze finally met his. “in fact they aren’t just bunny and calico, they’re pack also includes that of a wolf, black panther, deer, great dane, and tiger... their pack has been hard to adopt out as it’s so rare for such a large mix of predators and prey... but they found each other and experienced a lot together... it was only inevitable. and we can’t separate them, we refuse to. and they won’t leave one another.” he finally finished explaining as your expression fell. you let out a breath. seven hybrids. all male. and three apex predators, at that. the thought of suddenly thrusting seven knew faces - seven new men - into your home was intimidating to say the least.

you looked down at the two animals in your lap, the bunny almost looked cresfallen. gauging your reaction as his big brown eyes stared at you expectantly. as if he knew you’d reject him. mingi continued rambling on about how many adopters had expressed interest in at least one of the pack but were never willing to bring in all seven. it hurt your heart as you watched on the bunny and calico.

the estate your father had left you was empty, though. begging to be occupied. you had more than enough room and were blessed with an untouched inheritance. maybe this is what you should use it for. you had always felt too guilty to spend it. but nothing seemed more right, which was a shocking realization to someone who never thought they’d adobt a hybrid.

“could i meet them? the seven of them? i’d at least want to give them a chance... truthfully, i dont think i can leave them behind.” you admitted softly, the bunny and cat both perked up, ears raised and twitching.

“of course. i can arrange a meeting and speak with them tonight... i’ll gather their files for you to take home tonight. can you make it back in again tomorrow?” mingi asked after a deafening pause of hesitation, mouth hanging agape before coming back into reality.

“i’ll be here.”

#bts fluff #bts #bts fanfic #hybrid #hybrid au #smut #bts smut #soulmate au #poly #poly bts #poly au #ot7 #bts ot7 #ot7 bts #bts drabble #bts imagines #bts icons #hybrid bts

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walkerwords · 4 years ago

Text

“Hey Brother” Carl Grimes & Sister!Reader

GIF CREDIT: @thetruthwecanthandlee

REQUEST: From anonymous: “Hello! Just wanted to let you know that your writing is amazing! Also, if you wouldn't mind, I'd like to request a Carl x platonic reader where the reader is either his older sister or his close friend and she intervenes when he's about to be bitten, saving his life. You can decide if the reader dies as a result or not, I just think Carl deserved better than he got. If you don't feel like writing this, no worries!”

Word Count: 2748

Warning: Swearing, Angst

Song I Wrote To: “Hey Brother” by Avicii

Note: Carl is not someone who I generally write, but I do like Chandler and the character so I am giving it a shot!

----------

Even after years of being out in the world riddled with the Dead, you never got used to the groans of Walkers.

Stepping over one rotten corpse, you encountered another. You held your weapon in your hand, an old fire ax you had found in Woodbury when rescuing Daryl and Merle. Being a firefighter was something you once really wanted. However, when the world ends, becoming a civil servant becomes impossible. Still, being able to wield the equipment did put a smile on your face most days.

As the Walker approached, you jabbed the crowbar end of the fire ax into its skull. Kicking it away, you continued moving the woods that surrounded Alexandria in search of your brother, Carl. When the turn happened, you had been with Carl and his mother, Lori. Your dad was in the hospital after being shot on the job and you had come home from college to help Lori with your younger brother.

You and Lori had never gotten along and you didn’t know if that was because she never liked your mother, Dianne, or because Rick had tried everything to keep you in his life. Regardless of what Lori Grimes thought, you weren’t going to let anything happen to Carl and you had kept the promise.

Even now.

When Rosita told you that she had seen Carl leaving Alexandria earlier, you had grabbed your weapon and went in search of him. Right now was not the time for him to be out beyond the walls. Not when Negan and the Saviors could show up at any moment and make another move against you and your allies. With Rick and Michonne out in the world as well and Daryl being difficult, you had to be the one to drag Carl’s ass back home.

Negan was a headache for you, but you had a feeling that he wasn’t the worst thing out there. When he had killed Glenn and Abraham, you hadn’t been there. You had been with Tara and Heath, searching for supplies. After finding Oceanside and losing Heath, you had arrived home with Tara to a grieving family and a missing Daryl.

The first time you had met Negan, Carl had almost shot two of his Saviors. You had arrived just in time to grab the gun from him before he could. That was when Rick introduced you to Negan and he had offered you his hand. Not wanting to piss him off any further, you had shaken his hand, squeezing a bit too hard. He had seemed amused by you, but also wary. Growing up on the streets of Atlanta, you knew how to survive and you also knew how to deal with power-hungry men. Negan concerned you, but you weren’t afraid of him.

Carl, however, had another opinion. At first, the teenager wanted nothing more than to fill the man with bullets, but after his outing to the Sanctuary, he seemed to have a change of heart. Carl had come to you only a few days earlier and proposed an idea of a truce. He didn’t think the fighting was going to stop any time soon and while you agreed, you knew Negan would never agree to it. The war would only end when either he or your father was dead.

When you had told Carl this, he had stormed off annoyed. As the older sibling it was your job to tell him how the world worked and when it came to men like Negan, you either had to kill him or appeal to a new side. That was where your plan came to mind, but you knew that Carl would never go for it.

You didn’t even want to know what your father would think about it if it came up in conversation. However, for now, you had to focus on finding the kid before he did something even more stupid considering the last time he had gone off, he had attacked the loading dock of the Sanctuary with a rifle.

Shouldering your ax, you picked up the pace a bit.

“Carl!” you yelled, hearing your voice echo off the trees. “Carl!”

The woods answered with silence and you could feel the anxiety growing in your gut as you searched. Climbing up another small hill, you finally heard a commotion in the distance. Not knowing what you were running towards, you sprinted through the dying land. Nearly tripping on roots and downed Walkers, you came across a scene that made the air fly from your chest.

Carl was on the ground as Walkers pinned him down. There was another man nearby, exhausted and trying to get to his feet. Charging forward, you swung the ax, taking off the head of the Walkers closest to Carl. Another grabbed you, baring its teeth and you slammed your boot down on its jaw, separating it from its head. A third Walker then grabbed you and took you to the ground. Shoving your arm under its chin, you managed to get enough leverage to push it off. Your shirt sleeve tore from the force and then blood sprayed you as you pierced its skull with the steel weapon.

Laying there for a second, you turned to look at your brother who was looking over at himself in worry. “You good?” you asked, your eyes also scanning his body for cuts or bites.

“All in one piece,” he said with a relieved sigh. “You?”

“Pissed that I just washed these jeans,” you said with a huff as you sat up, pushing the corpse off your legs. Getting to your feet, you offered your hand to Carl who took it and stood up with your assistance. “Who’s this?” you asked, gesturing to the timid man.

“Siddiq,” Carl said. “He needs our help.” Sighing, you glanced between your brother and the newcomer.

“Carl, we shouldn’t be taking in strays when we are at war,” you said, needing him to understand.

“Since when did we stop helping people? I thought that was what this place was all about,” he argued.

“Last time we helped people, they sent us into a lion’s den that eventually pissed off the leader of the Saviors. We have to be careful and you know it.”

“I’m not okay with just turning the other way anymore,” he said.

“Carl…” you began, but he wasn’t done.

“Aaron helped us!” Carl said. “He brought us here and he saved us when we were starving and on the road. Jesus helped us when we needed food, Ezekiel, too! We took in people at the prison and even helped Gabriel when nobody wanted to. We help people, that is what we do.”

Looking at him, you started to see more of your father in him by the moment. When he was younger, all you could see was Lori, but in the new world and as he matured, he was beginning to act and look more like your father every day.

The looks weren’t the only thing that he had from Rick, he also had his heart and while your father’s head was a bit all over the place at the moment, you knew that he had always stood by the fact that people were needed for survival.

“You’re right,” you said and then took off your canteen from your belt and offered it to Siddiq who took it timidly. Carl nodded to him and he began to drink the cool water. Letting him recuperate, you turned back to your brother. “I know you want to help people, but going off on your own right now is suicide.”

“Because of Negan?” Carl asked and then shook his head. “He would never hurt me.”

“How are you so sure about that, huh?”

“Because he has had lots of opportunities and he’s never done it. He just likes to piss me off and make jabs, but he won't kill him.”

“Negan may not be the one to worry about. I’m sure there are plenty of Saviors out there that would love to see Rick’s son on a pike.” Carl frowned at that. “Look, just think before you do or you’re going to end up dead and you’re going to be taking down any new friends with you,” you said, pointing to Siddiq.

“I don’t want to hear this,” Carl said, turning away.

“I have an idea that may sway Negan,” you said and he paused, turning back to look at you. “Though, you and Dad may hate it. Well, I know for a fact you’re going to hate it.” Carl furrowed his brow as he looked at you, trying to see where your head was at. Then, he remembered the comments Negan made about you when he first met you and the jokes he said in front of Amber and Sherry when he went to the Sanctuary.

“No,” Carl said quickly.

“You don’t even know what I’m going to say,” you challenged.

“You want to marry him,” Carl said and you sighed, hating how well he knew you.

“I don’t want to do anything, Carl,” you said. “But yes, that was the idea.”

“No,” he said again.

“It would work,” you said with a shrug.

“Bullshit,” he countered. “We don’t even know if he’d even want that and then what? You basically sell yourself for a ceasefire that’s not guaranteed to even happen. Then you’d be a damn prisoner in that place.”

“Daryl got out, so can I,” you argued.

“He got out only after one of Negan’s wives felt she owed Daryl! This is the most ridiculous plan you have ever had!” he shouted at you. Siddiq had taken a few paces back to give you and your brother some room to talk, but he was looking more nervous every time one of you went up an octave.

“This is my decision, Carl,” you said, lowering your volume a bit.

“What would Mom think?” Carl said, crossing his arms. His eyes were boring into yours, almost pleading. With a shrug, you brushed off his question.

“Your mother never fucking liked me,” you said with a scoff.

“She treated you like you were one of her own, especially after the Turn.”

“No, she didn’t,” you disagreed, “and I’m not. I am not her daughter, but I am still yours and Judith’s sister and Dad’s daughter. It is my job to keep this family safe and if marrying Negan is the way to do it, then so be it!”

“Who says it's your job to be a martyr?”

“Me,” you argued, sounding very much like Dianne.

“And you think Negan will keep you safe?” he asked, throwing his hands up.

“He has to have some kind of honor, right?” you asked, thinking of the broad-chested man with a habit for bloodshed.

“I don’t trust him.”

“Who says I do?” you asked. “Carl, I don’t want to do it, but if it stops more people from dying then isn’t it worth it?”

“You have already made too many sacrifices for this family,” he said, his tone softer. “Ever since the world turned, you have been putting yourself in danger. You were the one who stopped Shane from going after Andrea on the farm when he was going crazy; You were the one who exchanged yourself for Maggie with the Governor; You were the one who tried to take Noah’s place at Grady trying to save Beth; You were the one who nearly died trying to get Cyndie to work with us in the war. When are you going to stop trying to fix everything and start looking out for yourself?”

“Says the one who hitched a ride into the Sanctuary and went all Al Capone on Negan’s men,” you reminded him.

“I was angry,” he rationalized.

“And you don’t think I’m not? I’m furious! When I found out what he did to Glenn and Abraham, I couldn’t breathe. Then the way he gutted Monroe in the street as if he was nothing more than a sack of meat? Fuck, Carl, I have never felt more anger towards anyone.”

“Because he’s killed people?”

“What? No, not because he’s killed people, we’ve all killed people. I’m angry at Negan because he made me realize that this is how humanity is now. I was happy to keep believing that we could get back to who we used to be, but let’s fucking face it, humans have never been saints. Negan proved that to me.”

“And yet you want to marry him?”

“I want to stop him from killing more of us! I want the damn fighting to stop and if there is even a chance that it does with both him and Dad alive, it’s worth it because if I’m being honest, Carl, I don’t see us winning this war.”

“You have to have faith,” he said and you snorted.

“I stopped having faith the day the fire fell on my city,” you said.

“I’m willing to fight him,” Carl said, stepping closer to you, placing his hand on your shoulder. “You don’t have to be the only one to make sacrifices.”

“But I can’t let you,” you whispered. “Judith needs you, Carl. She needs you alive and fighting for her future.”

“She needs both of us,” he urged. “When I was growing up, you were a hero to me. All I wanted to be was like my big sister and I know now that to do that, I have to tell you when it's time to stop taking on the world alone. When the prison fell and we lost you, I thought I’d never see you again. When we found you with Maggie, I promised I would never let you go again. Don’t make me break that promise, please.”

“Carl, stop,” you said, running a hand over his face, just below his bandage. “You’re giving me way too much credit, kid.”

“You deserve it,” he said. “You’ve never let me down, but if you go with him, you will. We’re Grimes, and that means we don’t take shit from anyone. Alright?” With a deep breath, you swallowed thickly, looking at your baby brother for a moment, trying to take in his newfound resilience and courage. It warmed your heart.

“I was going to say that it’s your time to step up as the older sibling, but it looks like you already have,” you said through a thick voice. Carl rolled his eye.

“Shut up,” he said as he tugged you into a hug. You wrapped your arm around him, clutching him close to you.

“I love you, Carl,” you whispered in his ear.

“Yeah, yeah, I love you, too,” he said. “And don’t start thinking you're out of a job just yet just because I stopped taking orders from you. I’m happy with being the middle child for now.” Pulling back, you nodded to him, adjusting the brim of his hat.

“Fair enough,” you said, wiping at invisible tears on your face. Finally realizing Siddiq was still standing around, you snapped out of your thoughts. “You should take him back home,” you said with an awkward cough. “He does need help and we should do it, you’re right. As always.”

“You’re coming too?”

“In a bit, I’m going to do a final sweep, just in case anyone else is lurking around,” you said and he nodded, picking up his gun that had fallen when he was accosted by the Dead.

“Come on, man,” Carl called to Siddiq. “Hey!” he called to you as you turned toward the South. “No, Negan,” he said, his face pleading.

“I won’t,” you said with a sigh. “I promise you.” Carl smiled at you softly, happy with your answer. Carl helped Siddiq as they headed back to Alexandria. You watched him walk away until the trees swallowed up the pair.

The lump in your throat was suffocating as you struggled to stay on your feet. Carl was right, Grimes never gave up, but sometimes they didn’t have a choice. With a shaky breath, you pushed up the sleeve of your right hand, the one that the Walker had torn. Through fresh blood, you could make out a double crescent shape wound in the tanned flesh of your arm.

The bite was burning as blood streamed down your arm and dripped off your fingers. Repressing the urge to scream in sorrow, you tugged your sleeve back down and with glistening eyes, looked back towards Alexandria.

“I’m sorry, little brother.”

TAGS: @thanossexual @felicisimor @yes-sir-hotchner @lucillethings @stark-dreams @huffledor-able541

#the walking dead #carl grimes #carl grimes imagine #grimes imagine #grimes reader #twd #the walking dead imagines #the walking dead fanfiction #walkerwords #carl #reader insert

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moralesispunk · 4 years ago

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In his eyes II (Blacksmith Pero Tovar AU)

Pero Tovar x Female Reader

Part 2 of a short Pero Tovar Blacksmith AU

Part 1 here | Masterlist here under Pero | Part 3 here

Summary: after spending some time with Pero, your relationship takes a more personal turn when he comes by your father’s house every week to teach you checkers.

A/N: At the start we get to see some of this from Pero’s POV. I didn’t realise how much I enjoyed writing for Pero until I did part 1 so I hope people enjoy this part as much as the first!

The now empty basket where the bakings so kindly gifted by the bakers daughter had arrived in sat atop Pero’s workshop table for two days before he found confidence in the depth of his body to return it. While he waited, the lily that she had wrapped in the string around the bread had been pressed between the two heaviest books Pero could find. It was something he had watched his mother do whenever she received flowers from his father before he passed. He placed the now flat flower in the front of his notebook and placed that notebook in the safe keepings of his drawer at his bedside, opening it every night to run his fingers over it before going to sleep.

He wasn’t sure what the feeling in his stomach was when he thought of her was. The first time he had laid eyes on her was when he had walked into the village. While most people had stared at him, they looked away when his eyes met theirs. But not her. She held his gaze until he had completed passed by and her soft lips had even began to curl into a smile.

He had seen her every other day since then, eating more bread following his arrival in this village than he had in the rest of his life put together. Her gentle voice would wish him a good day and try to make conversation about the weather or the new pastries her father had baked that morning. While he usually avoided conversations with others because he did not want to entertain them, he avoided talking to her because he was worried that he would scare her off in some way. So instead, he let her talk about how the sun was arriving earlier in the village this year and he would offer a smile when she joked that maybe he brought it from whatever land he had travelled from.

Eventually, when he noticed how she spoke more to him than the others who were customers at the bakery, he began to offer his voice more. The day he learned her name was the day he swore his soul had been tied to hers for eternity. He spent the rest of his day repeating her name on his lips, listening to how it sounded in the different moods he went through as the day went on.

He still could not put a name to the feeling that swirled around his veins every second of every day for her. His stomach felt like it was flipping with every step he took towards the bakery, his heart felt like it had stopped for a moment when their eyes met and his palms would sweat when she first started talking. All these symptoms were usually of a sickness, something deep inside that had to be rid of, but he wanted to feel it more. He went out of his way to talk the long walk home from work to pass by the bakery and catch one final glimpse of her for the day, hoping she would turn and look up at him to make his heart stop.

As he lifted the basket to return to the bakers he walked by the checkers board she had commented on before she left two days before. He picked the board up folding it over and placing the checkers in a small bag to place in the basket as well. He had no one to play with and was not even sure why he brought it on his travels so maybe she and her father could have better use for it.

As he walked towards the bakery thoughts swirled his head of what she would be wearing today and whether her hair would be tied back or loose as she sometimes wore it. When he entered the bakers there was no one at the front of the shop, the only sound being the bell that rang through to the back as he opened the door. The baker walked out from the back, wiping some flour on the front of his apron as he headed towards Pero.

“Ah, Mr Tovar! Thank you again, I don’t think I have had such an easy time of making bread in years.”

Pero just grunted in response, making sure to nod his head so not to appear too rough before the kind man. He handed the basket over to the baker, watching as his eyebrow was cocked at the contents of the basket.

“What is this?”

“Checkers. Your daughter noticed it and you need two people to play,” Pero watched as the baker’s confused expression did not lift, “... and I have no one to play with so you two would have more use of it.”

“I do not know how to play.”

“Oh,” was all Pero could offer in return, heat climbing to his cheeks as he was lost for words more so than usual.

“You are not very good with women are you,” the baker chucked, “well, women like my daughter,” he clarified, both men aware that men who travelled did need their beds warmed like the rest.

“No,” Pero sighed, worried about what the baker was about to say.

If the man warned Pero away from ever talking to his daughter again he would have to respect that but his heart would ache every day. The thought of not getting to see the most beautiful woman he had seen across all the lands or listen to the most wonderful voice as she wished him a good day was already making his heart fall lower into his stomach.

“Well,” the baker interrupted his thoughts, “the bakery does not open on Mondays so you will come and teach her. Do you know where we live?”

Pero shook his head and the baker told him to walk east out of town, through the path in the forest until he reached the cottage. Pero nodded as he listened to the instructions, waiting until the baker had finished before walking out. As he reached the door he turned to thank the man. He did not know why he trusted Pero with his daughter but he had shown him more kindness than most. The baker smiled before turning and heading into the back of the shop.

For the rest of the week Pero thought about Monday. He did not sleep much the night before, something he never usually had trouble with. When he woke the next day the sun had barely risen above the trees. He set the pot of water above the fire, warming it just enough for a bath. He could not remember the last time he had spent this long in a bath but by the time he was changing into his clothes for the day the sun was well into the sky.

The walk to the baker’s house was not long but it was peaceful. It was just outside the village, through a forest path. When he finally reached the house he took three deep breaths, counting them slowly, before he knocked on the door. The baker opened it, welcoming Pero in with a smile.

When he stepped inside, the baker's daughter sat on the floor next to a small table that came to his knee height. It was a warm cottage, not just from the roaring fire than spread heat around the room, but from the personal contents that decorated each shelf. The warm browns and reds of throws and pillows to make the wooden benches softer would make anyone feel at home, even the tall, dark, mysterious man who was entering their home today.

The baker’s daughter was laying out the board, placing checkers on squares. As she looked up, he noticed the way her eyes shimmered from the candles lining the edge of the table. She smiled at him, at first a small, welcoming curve of the lips, before it turned into a wide grin that showed all her teeth. She looked so... pure. Loving. Caring. Innocent. A thousand words swam around his skull as he took her in.

She sat with her legs tucked under her, one hand playing with the hem of her skirt enough to show the soft skin at the bottom of her leg and the other resting on the board.

"Pero, I hope I set it up right I tried to remember how it looked in your workshop."

-------

As the knock finally came to the door the butterflies in your stomach were stalled. Your father walked to the door, opening to reveal Pero at the door. He was still dressed head to toe in all black but his layers less constricting that the ones you had seen him don in the village. The ones he wore now truly showed his proportions to you - his broad shoulders that looked as though they would not be able to fit through the doorway, his large arms from years of hard labour, the way he appeared slightly softer around the middle.

He nodded to your father as he walked in, his fingers rubbing together as he stepped into the house. Despite his dark eyes and hair, his scowl and large frame it felt as though the room got that bit lighter when he walked in.

"Pero, I hope I set it up right I tried to remember how it looked in your workshop."

He looked down at the board, reaching to move two pieces into what must have been their correct spaces.

"Sit," you motioned to a pillow you had placed at the other side of the table.

You had to bite back a laugh at the huff Pero let out when he lowered himself to the ground. You must not have done a good enough job, noticing the way Pero's eyes glared into you a little before he smiled.

"I'm going into the garden, the weeds are coming back. I expect you to make my daughter a checkers genius," your father motioned between you before walking out the door.

"Your father is a kind man," Pero noted after your father had moved to the garden.

"He is," you smiled, “would you like a drink?”

Pero nodded and you lifted the jug next to you on the table to pour two glasses and handing him one.

"You are kind too," he added after taking a sip.

"And so are you."

Pero shook his head, "I am not."

His eyes that had not moved from your face since he walked in suddenly found whatever was on the ground more interesting. You frowned, moving closer to the table.

"You have been nothing but kind to me."

"You do not know me. What I have done before I came here," his voice quiet.

"And you do not know me other than the girl who sells you bread. I can see you're a good man, Pero, in your eyes."

Pero did not know why you had so much faith in him, he certainly did not deserve it. He looked up at you again and stopped himself from telling you that you were wrong, that he was a horrible man who had done horrible things when he saw the softness in your eyes. Maybe he could be kind for you.

"So, how do you play?"

"You will play black to go first and I will play white. You must try to move all your pieces to my side of the board..."

He explained the game as you went, taking his time in telling you how to move around the board so you would win the first game. He never got frustrated at the questions you asked and did not care when you asked him to repeat the rules for the sixth time. As he told you to make the final move, making you the winner, he smiled, a true smile that took over his face as you laughed and cheered.

"Okay, okay. Will we play again? This time don't let me win," you laughed.

Pero chuckled, setting up the board again but still letting you go first.

"So, what did you do before you came to the village?" you asked after a while.

You watched while Pero's forearm tightened as he reached for the piece in front of him. He turned to look out the window, looking for your father before answering.

"He cannot hear us. Even if he could, he is not a naive man," you reassured.

"I sold my sword. To Kings and Lords or whoever had coins to spare. I travelled a lot of lands and fought a lot of men... and beasts."

"I bet you have a lot of stories. A lot more than everyone in this village put together."

"Probably. But for another time because I," Pero moved one final piece, "win."

You both laughed, leaning back to hold yourselves up with your palms resting on the ground behind you. The room was a lot darker than when he had came earlier today, the light from the sun almost non-existent and the fire lighting up his face perfectly. The red and amber glow that covered his face showed it perfectly. His jaw and nose were sharp as if carved from the strongest stone, softened slightly by the lines that surrounded his eyes while he smiled.

"You will come back to play then?"

"Yes, but you should practice so I do not feel so bad winning next time," he teased.

Pero stood from the table, the few hours you had spent sitting opposite one another meaning you had forgotten just how large he was until he towered over you. You tried to stand and join him but the pins and needles running up your legs made that difficult.

Pero reached a hand out, letting you hold onto it as you stood. His hand surrounded yours easily, the rough skin contrasting the gentle hold. You held onto it for a moment longer while you spoke.

"Thank you for teaching me," you whispered.

"Thank you for letting me," Pero lifted your hand placing a kiss to the back of your knuckles before dropping your hand again.

Your eyes remained on one another for a moment until your father entered the house again.

"Ah, Mr Tovar. How did my daughter do?"

"A natural," he turned, winking at you outside of your father's view.

"Will you be back? Next week?"

Pero nodded turning to wish you goodbye as he walked by your father who held the door open for him. As Pero walked out your father headed to the kitchen to start dinner and you moved to the window.

Pero stalked the path, each step powerful and calculated as he walked away. When he was outside of your garden, walking on the forest path he turned back to your house, catching your eye. He smiled, lifting a hand to wave. You waved back, unable to stop the childish grin on your face that did not come off until Pero must have been home.

Pero came every Monday for a few weeks, teaching you new tricks and manoeuvres to better win. You learned more about him as the weeks went on. He told you about his home land, his family and even some stories from his travels. You would see each other in between Mondays with you stopping by the workshop to say hello on the way to the bakers and he would drop in for his bread as usual, you wrapping some extra sweet pastries in along with them.

You waited by the doorstep for him to come today. You could make his walk out as his body emerged from the trees. His usual dark clothing made the flowers in his hand stand out even more. You stood from the step as you approached, flattening your skirts until he stopped in front of you, lifting the flowers to hand them to you.

“I saw these and - I- I thought of you.”

“They’re- they’re beautiful, Pero. Thank you,” you smiled as you lifted to smell the flowers, “the weather is lovely today, will we play outside?”

You and Pero played your games outside today, not talking too much other than sharing a story of your past every so often. The sun shone down on the garden, the smell of the pollen and sound of birds surrounding you both. When the sun finally started to lower and you packed the board away, your father called you both into the house.

“Pero,” you smiled as your father used his first name, something Pero had requested he do after you had watched him tense every time he called him by Mr Tovar, “I am away from the village next week, I have to visit my brother. Would you be so kind to check in on my daughter while I am gone?”

Pero’s mouth opened for a moment before he forced it shut again. You turned to look at him and as his eyes fell on your face he nodded before voicing an agreement to your father.

“Yes, sir.”

“Good. I leave in two days.”

And with that the conversation was done and Pero began to leave once again. As you watched him go this week, your mind spun faster than it ever had before. You imagined the next time he would walk down this path would be to visit you alone in this house.

Pero was a gentleman and he respected your father but you knew as much as Pero that your father did not have any unreasonable expectations about what would happen when he was gone, otherwise he would have asked the butcher or the farmer, people you had known since a child.

He walked away a little slower than usual this week, turning more than once to wave goodbye. You couldn’t stop the way your heart was beating faster in your chest with this goodbye, looking forward to the next time you would see his face as he walked up the path.

Permanent tag list // @phoenixhalliwell @asta-lily @hb8301 @princess76179

Pero tag list // @bonktime @justpedropascal @coldlilheart @shadowolf993 @stylelovechild @frostsoldier @idreamofboobear

Excited for a part 3 where Pero and the baker’s daughter get some one-on-one time...

#pero Tovar x reader #pero tovar x you #pero tovar #pero tovar fic #pero tovar fanfic #pero tovar fanfiction #headcannon #the great wall #pedro pascal #din djarin x reader #frankie morales x reader #marcus moreno x reader #oberyn martell x reader

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ah-ga-seven · 4 years ago

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Till The End of Summer - Chapter 14 (The Finale)

>> series masterlist <<

Pairing: Choi Yeonjun x Reader

In a Nutshell: College!AU, Rich Kids, Friends to Lovers, Fuckboy athlete Yeonjun, Overprotective Best friend Soobin, contains all of TXT and other Idol cameos, Omnipresent perspective.

Synopsis: You and Yeonjun are caught up in a cat and mouse game because of unspoken feelings and endless pining for each others’ attention. With the summer break approaching and lots of college parties, will you finally get a chance to explore your feelings for each other; even though the world and Yeonjun’s reputation makes things complicated?

Word count: 12,3K

Idol Cameos: NCT Johnny, ITZY Ryujin, ATEEZ Wooyoung, Stray Kids Hyunjin, Enhyphen Sunghoon, Heesung and Jay.

Genre: Fluff, SMUT, angst if you squint.

Warnings: explicit mature content, I put a bolded warning sign at the start and end of it so you can skip through if you want.

Month 1.

Yeonjun went back home to save the reputation of Choi Enterprises by dealing with Lita’s attempt to overthrow him and his mother.

Apparently, she did a lot more than the things she was locked up for initially.

Lita and her husband bribed members of the board, making promises they obviously couldn’t keep. “When we have the company, the world is yours” but those days never came. and the board members that were bribed were fired effective immediately.

Each and every one of them got disposed of, with their assets included like they were last weeks’ trash. And if that wasn’t enough, Lita’s unjustified psychosis stemmed from the fact that she used to sleep with Yeonjun’s father. Lita felt like she was entitled to the Choi’s fortunes because according to her; the only woman Daniel Choi ever loved, was her.

The revelation had Yeonjun sick to his stomach as he sat next to his mother in court. Lita looked at him with pleading eyes, claiming to really love him as her own son before the judge announced her 15-year prison sentence for fraud, spying, embezzlement, and attempted murder.

Somehow Yeonjun felt nothing as he looked at her. He really didn’t. If anything, he was glad to close this chapter of his life for good, and look ahead of the road to recovering his soul.

You, on the other hand, were completely overwhelmed with your new surroundings. You threw yourself into your work to forget about your heartache and didn’t dare to talk to Yeonjun in case it’d open up your wounds again. It would cause for you to lose focus, and you simply couldn’t afford that distraction right now.

Month 2

The first month passed without any contact between the two of you, but that changed when you wished him a happy birthday. His heart thumped in his chest on his way to his 6th therapy session as he looked at your message.

He was even more surprised to see that you sent him a cute card with a Polaroid picture of the two of you; all happy and smiley in the park.

It was reassuring to him that you were still thinking of him, and that you hadn’t completely forgotten about him or moved on so easily, because lord knows he hadn’t.

When you asked him about Lita’s trial a few days after his birthday, you two started to slowly talk again from time to time. You’d check up on each other and made small talk, but it was nothing like it used to be.

There was no depth, and the core of your conversations always had to do with how both of your studies were going, if you were taking care of yourselves or if you’ve had dinner already.

You both figured it was for the better this way, otherwise your break up would have been for nothing if you didn’t use this time apart from each other to heal, especially since you promised to be better individually so you could be even better together.

If that was still what both of you wanted upon your return of course.

He missed you so much, and he was finding it incredibly hard not to check your socials at least once a day, especially when he realized how male-dominated your studies were at Brown.

Your Instagram feed and stories indicated that you were having the time of your life when you could. You were happy despite the crazy hours you spent in a lab with your research team. A team that quickly became your new group of friends at the University.

There were 2 other guys and one other girl in your team. The girl’s name was Giselle, you seemed to be the closest to her out of all of them. One of the guys was named Chanhee who was quite obviously gay, therefore not a threat. But the second guy, Hwang Hyunjin… let's just say that Yeonjun wasn't a fan.

Month 3

Your almost daily texts and calls with your friends back home started to shift to communication on a weekly basis.

It was hard to keep up with your friends back home while having to entertain a new friend group here, all while you spent hours upon hours in the lab, working on a possible treatment for neurological disorders.

You knew that whatever you were getting yourself into with this exchange was going to be hard, but you didn’t imagine it to be this hard and frankly, you were feeling incredibly homesick by now.

You missed Soobin, the boys, Mia…Yeonjun. And one time when you came home at 10 PM after a long day that started at 8 AM; you broke down on the phone when Soobin called to check in on you.

He was so shocked at your tears that he was ready to jump on a plane, but you stopped him from doing so. Knowing that you needed to push through and confide in the friends you made, whom you’ve started to hang out with a lot more, especially with Hyunjin.

He reminded you a lot of Soobin, the way he was gentle yet in for dumb shit matched well with your own personality, and hanging out with him felt liberating. He introduced you to his friends and spent time with you and your lab partner and roommate Giselle whenever he could, which made your time at Brown a lot more bearable than you had anticipated.

Yeonjun was slowly starting to enjoy life again. He caught up with his studies, kept going to therapy, had regular calls with his mother, and spent time with his friends whenever he could. He started to pick up his neglected hobby of dancing again, finding comfort in the art form with Wooyoung and his crew.

Month 4

Yeonjun’s mother sold Choi Enterprises. She was completely done with the company as it wasn’t hers to begin with. The stock prices had risen for the first time since Daniel’s death paired with the whole Lita ordeal, so she took the chance to get rid of her past with a simple transaction.

She consulted Yeonjun about selling the company and the house he grew up in, for which he agreed, glad that they could finally close that dark chapter of their lives while getting a fresh start with new surroundings.

With all of this newly acquired money, she opened a new headquarters of her own luxury fashion brand, closer to Yeonjun; only an hour away to be exact.

She was determined to be a better mother and get to know her son, and the only way to do so was by actually trying. He was happier now that the burden of having to take over Choi Enterprises one day fell off of his shoulders.

For the first time in a long time, he held the reigns to his own future again and his mother assured him that she’d support whatever he wanted to do in life both mentally and financially.

From there on out things started to look up for them.

They went on café dates every Sunday, and sometimes he’d visit her for an entire weekend where they would bond by cooking or shopping together.

During one visit, Yeonjun helped her pick some pieces for Fashion week, which made her pleasantly surprised by Yeonjun’s out of the box and daring passion for fashion. She suggested he’d take a minor in fashion design next to his regular Business studies and after giving it a good thought, he did, enjoying it a little more than he thought he would.

Month 5

You were doing better too. The hard part of your research was over with, and you had a well-deserved break which you spent with Giselle, Chanhee, and Hyunjin. You decided on having a mini-vacation and go sightseeing, rent an Airbnb somewhere in the state, and just chill.

Everything was fine until the last night of your trip, where you got shitfaced drunk and ended up sleeping with Hyunjin.

You were single, so there was no reason to feel guilty, especially since the last time you even talked to Yeonjun was over a month ago, yet you still did.

Of course, you had to talk to Mia about it, who only told you to remember that when you’d return in a month; you’d probably never see Hyunjin again, and that was enough for you to start distancing yourself from him.

The guy obviously had feelings for you, and you felt bad for friend-zoning him after being intimate with him, but the fact of the matter was that you just didn’t feel the same way about him. None of it would matter in a few weeks anyway, because you’d be heading back home, to your friends...and to Yeonjun.

Month 6

Brown had offered you to stay and finish your studies at their facilities but you kindly declined. The experience was great, but you couldn’t put yourself through one more year of this type of curriculum, and you desperately wanted to see your friends' faces again by going back to the place you’ve called home for the past three years.

To your new-found friends’ disappointment, you were getting ready to leave as the weeks passed, packing your things little by little and meeting up with all of the people you met one last time before parting ways for good.

It felt bittersweet though. Not only did you learn a lot about neuroscience, but you learned a lot about yourself as well. You grew as a person, matured, and blossomed by being more independent. Not having Soobin or your other friends to fall back on really pushed you to become more self-dependent, which was one of the perks of being away from them for so long.

You respected yourself and put yourself first and promised that that’d be a piece of knowledge that you’d be taking back home too.

Now.

Yeonjun couldn’t believe half a year had passed already. But what he really couldn’t believe was that he’d be seeing you again tonight.

He stood in your apartment with the guys and Mia, organizing your things and cleaning up the place for your surprise welcome home party. Being in there felt weird, almost foreign to be exact.

It’d been half a year since he stepped foot in here, and even though you were gone for so long, the place still smelled like you. If it wasn’t for the empty shelves, missing bedsheets, and plastic covers over your furniture; it’d almost seem like you never really left.

He opened your bedroom door to see Mia struggling to make your bed and chuckled lightly at the sight. He walked over to her, grabbing the other ends of the sheets to help her out.

Mia gave him a faint smile and stopped her movements for a second to look at Yeonjun. “Are you excited?” She asks with a big smile. Lord knows she was, her best friend was finally coming back but Yeonjun didn’t really know how to answer Mia’s question.

“More nervous than excited. We checked up on each other from time to time but it’s not like we really talked or anything.”

Mia pouted at Yeonjun’s insecure facial expression. One she hasn’t seen from him that often. Especially lately. Mia and Yeonjun have gotten a lot closer in the past six months, which was a nice change for the both of them.

“It’ll be fine. Don’t worry. You’re not the same Yeonjun you were six months ago. And that’s a good thing. She’ll appreciate the change.”

“Gee, thanks.” Yeonjun snickers as he throws a pillow at Mia’s head. It hit her straight in the face, messing up her hair which made both of them erupt in loud laughter.

“Asshole,” Mia says straightening out her hair.

“What’s going on here?” Soobin asks with a big smile on his face as he enters your room.

Soobin hasn’t been able to wipe that damn grin off of his face all day. He was so excited for you to come back and honestly the mood with the boys and with Mia has been amazing lately.

“Yeonjun is back to his old ways,” Mia argues as she tries to throw the pillow back at him, but Yeonjun swiftly caught it, giggling to himself as he fixes it before putting it back on your bed, where it belongs.

“Well, quit messing around and hurry the fuck up, I’m picking her up in an hour.” Soobin says clapping his hands together to try and give orders, but neither Yeonjun nor Mia were phased by Soobin’s attempt to assert dominance. Both of them rolled their eyes before getting back to the task of making your bed.

It was adorable how stressed yet giddy Soobin was to see you again. Everything had to be perfect before you arrived so he could relax and make sure you’ll be able to relax after your flight too.

He ran around your apartment like a stressed mother; making sure the boys weren’t messing around too much so that everything planned out smoothly before the guests arrived.

Soobin waited for you patiently…at the wrong exit.

You immediately recognized his tall form when you were skimming the crowd, wondering why he wasn’t there yet, but when you saw his back facing the wrong arrival hall; you knew enough.

It’s so Soobin of him to face the wrong way. You smile to yourself as it gave you the perfect opportunity to scare him.

You chuckle as you walk towards him while pulling your suitcase with you. He was concentrated on the people exiting the gates, hoping to see you and growing more and more restless as you didn’t show up, but little did he know, you were right behind him.

“Who are we waiting for?” You ask in a serious tone as you stood beside him with your arms crossed while following his gaze onto the crowd.

Soobin’s head snapped into your direction so fast you swore you heard a bone crack.

His eyes widened before he smacked his bunny-like lips in confusion, looking you up and down before a huge smile crept upon his face that you could only mimic.

“YOU’RE HERE!” Soobin shouts in shock, relief, and joy at the same time while pulling you in for a tight hug. He inhaled your scent while twirling you around, and all you could do was giggle as he smothered you in his hold.

God, you missed him, and judging from the way he wasn’t letting go of you, you could tell he missed you too.

“Ugh, I missed you so much. How was your flight? And look at you! Did you change up your hair? You look good, happy, healthy. Ugh.”

You couldn’t even respond to anything he was saying as he wrapped you into his arms again. Normally you’d fight him for being so clingy, but this time you let him have his way for a few seconds…until it got hard to breathe.

“Soobin, I can’t breathe.” You protest softly as you tap his chest to let go which made him laugh in response, holding you at an arms-length. “Sorry y/n. I just…we’re never separating for that long ever again,” he says with a serious yet playful look on his face.

“Agreed.” you beam up at him as you link arms, walking towards the exit.

“Did you have a good flight?” he asks as he pets your hair, not believing that you were standing next to him right now.

“Mmh, there was some turbulence so I couldn’t really rest. I can’t wait till I’m home again so I can sleep,” you mumble before you let out a yawn as you drag your feet on the tiled floor of the airport.

Soobin gulped. He didn’t know how you’d feel about the hoard of people in your apartment right now, all ready to celebrate your return when all you really wanted was to get some rest after your long travels.

He felt guilty for a second but also knew that you’d probably forget all about your tiredness when you’ll see all of your friends again.

“Uhm, the car isn’t that far. Give me that,” he says as he takes your suitcase from your hold.

“Everyone quiet down! They’re coming up right now!” Taehyun announces while he cut the music.

Everyone frantically found a spot to hide. Some giggled as it got dark, some held on to each other cause they couldn’t see shit and some were nervous wrecks like Yeonjun.

You weren’t suspecting anything as you dragged your feet to your apartment. Soobin was acting weirder and weirder; fumbling with his keys, dropping shit, and constantly checking his phone, but you were too dense and tired to notice.

You struggle with your lock and let out a yawn. Soobin stood closely behind you, taking a deep breath as the door swung open.

Before you could even close the door behind you or find the light switch, all of the lights turned on in an instant, followed by a loud ‘SURPISE’ yelled out by at least two dozen people who were occupying your living space.

You flinch, your eyes nearly popping out of your skull and stumble backward, just so your back could hit Soobin’s tall form.

He laughed hysterically clapping his hands together like a seal, followed by everyone in the room.

“Oh my god.” Is the only thing that you were able to get out as you covered your face at the overwhelming sensation.

You didn’t even realize you had this many friends? I mean you knew all of them of course, but you didn’t comprehend the fact that they were all here to welcome you back.

The music turned back on and Mia was the first one to launch herself into your arms which had you immediately defrosting in her hold.

‘BITCH!!!” she yelped. “I MISSED YOU SO MUCH.”

She clung onto you and twirled you around making the adrenaline and confusion in your body shift to pure happiness at seeing their faces again.

You can’t believe they did this, and suddenly you don’t feel tired anymore.

“Y/N!” Beomgyu squealed your name as he hugged you, followed by Taehyun and Hueningkai who all patiently waited until it was their turn to hug you.

You were so caught up in shock and bombarded with love, that you didn't have time to scan the room for other familiar faces. Instead, you just let them come to you one by one as you stood glued to the floor, smiling, hugging and chatting away with all of the people that seemed to have missed you so dearly.

Yeonjun stood in the corner of your living room, watching the whole ordeal. A smile crept onto his face at how happy and healthy you looked. It’s almost as if he saw you for the first time again. Making him realize that love at first sight really was a thing…even in this form.

He took a sip of his drink, still watching you carefully until someone nudged his shoulder.

“Shouldn’t you go say hi to your girl?” The taller and older guy leaned against the wall next to Yeonjun after nudging him, making him look up at him.

“Hyung, I don’t even know what to say to her. She’s so happy right now, I don’t wanna ruin it.”

Johnny furrowed his eyebrows, cocking his head to the side. “You don’t think she’ll be happy to see you?”

“I don’t know anything right now.” Yeonjun sighed, watching you join Hueningkai and Beomgyu for a selfie with a big smile on your face. “When is the last time you two spoke?” Johnny asked, taking another sip of his drink.

“Like two months ago.”

“Damn…”

“I know.”

and just as the picture was taken, you spotted him across the room.

Your eyes locked, making Yeonjun freeze in place. “Shit,” he gulps, downing his drink in one go to calm his nerves which made Johnny laugh at his antics.

“Relaaaax. Did you see her eyes light up just now? I think she missed you too,” he assures him, throwing an arm around his shoulder for comfort.

This seems odd? Doesn’t it? Yeonjun and Johnny being all friendly with each other.

During Yeonjun’s never-ending therapy sessions, the school’s counselor wanted to connect Yeonjun with someone with a similar background. You should’ve seen both of their faces when they met during a group session, but after realizing they had such corresponding backgrounds, you know; the neglected rich kid kind, they haven’t stopped talking to each other and oddly became very close friends.

It was nice for Yeonjun to have an older brother figure in his life since he’s the oldest in his own friend group, and it was even nicer for Johnny to find out that Yeonjun wasn’t such a big dick after all. Oh, and the part of having someone who gets his struggle was great too, even in the form of Choi Yeonjun.

You couldn’t believe your eyes. You didn’t expect him to be here for some reason and the last thing you expected was seeing him with Johnny’s arm around his shoulder in a non-threatening way.

Mia chuckled as she followed your gaze. “Yeah…so, they started hanging out a few months ago.”

“How even?”

“I don’t know maybe they started to bond over being your rejects,” Taehyun says making Mia and Beomgyu cackle with him, but you couldn’t quite see the humor in it. You had only returned to your friends for 5 whole minutes and they were already being annoying.

Soobin noticed your slight annoyance and chuckled, rubbing your back in comfort as he was the only one to notice how nervous you really were to talk to him again after all this time. “Go talk to him, he’s just as nervous. Trust me.” Soobin says into your ear so only you could hear, and you give him a small nod in response. Smiling at the encouragement you so desperately needed.

You’re a bad bitch. You got this.

You look at him once more as he talked to Johnny.

For some reason, his whole aura changed from the last time you saw him. His features matured a bit, he lost weight and he completely embraced having a mullet. Ok…hot.

He was breathtaking. Even after all this time of being apart, he made you feel the exact same way and all it took to remind you of that feeling was one look from him.

He decided to man up and make his way through the crowd to greet you, but you beat him to it as your legs automatically walked over to where he was standing.

Johnny sensed the sudden electricity in the air as you approached and decided to go in for the hug first to give Yeonjun some time to collect himself. “Y/n!” Johnny coed as he enveloped you into a big bear hug. “It’s so good to see you again. How are you? How was your exchange?”

You’re snapped out of your trance, but you still feel Yeonjun’s eyes on you as you’re trapped in Johnny’s embrace. You collect yourself as you let go of him, trying to avoid Yeonjun’s gaze for now but it was almost impossible because of how close he was.

“I’m good, it was good. A lot of sleepless nights but it was totally worth it.” You give him the quickest answer possible; you weren’t quite sure where to start the conversation with Yeonjun but the longer the two of you ignored each other, the weirder the tension between you two was getting.

He took a deep breath, giving you a warm smile before averting his attention to Johnny. He not so subtly told him to leave with his eyes, which made Johnny suavely exit the conversation by announcing that he needed a refill.

“Hey…” you start.

Yeonjun’s eyes glistened as he looked at you with adoration. “Hey.”

You looked good. Your skin had a healthy glow, and your new haircut was working wonders for your features. He was entranced by your beauty for a second before realizing his stare might be creeping you out, though you didn’t even notice, cause you were staring at him too.

You were completely caught up in your own perception of time. Everything seemed to slow down now that you were looking into others eyes again after all this time and just as you were about to open your mouth to speak, some kid you didn’t know accidentally bumped into you roughly.

The sudden impact made you lose balance as you jolted forward, straight into Yeonjun’s arms. Luckily, he swiftly caught and stabilized you.

He looked at you in shock, making sure you were okay as he grabbed your shoulders before turning his attention to the random kid who somehow got an invite to be at your welcome home party, in your house, without you even knowing who he is.

He quickly apologized, but you feared for what was about to happen. The Yeonjun you left 6 months ago was a dick and a hothead, he’d make the kid regret running into you like that but to your surprise Yeonjun straightened out the freshman’s clothes and gave him a small side smile.

“Be careful kid, we just got her back,” he says in neutral yet friendly tone.

That’s it? No threatening glare? No sarcasm?

He seemed to notice your dumbfounded facial expression and chuckled. “Anger management classes,” he explains with playfulness evident in his voice.

“You’re kidding?” you scoff in amusement.

“Nope. I’ve turned into a complete softie, just for you.”

You teasingly shove his shoulder and laugh loudly. The sound made Yeonjun’s heart flutter as he watched your face contort into pure joy and cuteness. He felt the sudden urge to squish your cheeks together and litter your face with kisses but he withheld himself from doing so, and reciprocated your giggles with the sound of his own laugh as he raked his hand through his long locks.

This small moment of flirty teasing made the both of you realize just how much you had missed each other as you were quick to jump back in your old ways.

You both should’ve known that worrying about any awkwardness between you two was stupid. After all, you were friends before you even started dating; and luckily that dynamic returned quickly because he was just as big of a casual flirter as you were.

Suddenly it felt like you were starting all over again with him, it felt like the first time you tried to connect with him on that damn picnic that started the timeline of your relationship.

Somehow the universe granted you the opportunity to hit the reset button and do things right this time, and you couldn’t be happier now that you realize how stupid it was to worry about the inseverable connection you two seemed to have to each other.

Even after all these months and all those miles of distance, Yeonjun still felt like home.

He gave you a shy smile, realizing you were staring at him with hearts in your eyes while you expectantly gazed into his dark orbs.

His eyes weren’t hollow anymore, for the first time in ages his happiness felt genuine and you couldn’t wait for him to tell you all about it.

“How about we…ditch your party for a bit and go take a walk,” Yeonjun suggests, giving you a hopeful yet mischievous look as he held out his hand for you.

You boldly lace your fingers through his and lead him out of your apartment without a second thought, ignoring stares from literally everyone.

Oh my god, history really was repeating itself. Your mind flashes back to the walk you took with him that night at Johnny’s party; you lead him out of Johnny’s kitchen the exact same way right after the fight you had with an overprotective Soobin about trying to date Yeonjun.

You got Yeonjun a little flustered, which is a first, but he was happy with your directness. He couldn’t wait to be alone with you in a more private setting and if that meant leaving your own party, then so be it.

Fresh air hits your lungs as the chilly spring night welcomes you outside. Your apartment was way too crowded and way too hot which made you sigh contently as the cold wind created goosebumps on your skin.

Yeonjun looked at you and stopped in his tracks while diverting his gaze at your still intertwined fingers.

You look back at him, confused as to why he stopped walking, but before you could ask questions; he pulled you towards him, trapping you into his strong arms. One of his hands made its way to the nape of your neck to slowly pat your hair as he leaned his chin on the top of your head.

You just let it happen, wrapping your arms around his torso while burying your face in the crook of his neck. The familiar scent of soap mixed with his expensive Chanel Bleu cologne hit your nostrils and the butterflies in your tummy start to flutter again after being on rest for six months.

Whole. That’s how you feel in the moment.

“You have no idea how much I missed you.” You mumble into the hug, not wanting to look up at him out of fear that he might not have felt the same, but by the way he was holding you right now, you should know better. The insecurity of not being good enough still had its ways of fucking with your mind, even though you had no reason to be.

Yeonjun opened his eyes at your confession, not being able to hide how happy he was to hear that his feelings were mutual. He hid his grin by burying his face into your hair again as he giggled before pulling back slightly to see your face. You were trying incredibly hard to hide the heat that had risen to your cheeks but it was to no avail as Yeonjun mumbled something about how cute you were right now.

He was so worried you didn’t feel the same. He was convinced you forgot all about him at Brown. Your Instagram stories were filled with the countless parties you went to, the new people you met accompanied with the fact that your posts were littered with suggestive comments from guys he could only assume you met over there.

Yeonjun’s biggest fear relating to your return was that you utilized those six months away from him to move on, but as selfish as it sounds; he was so incredibly glad that you hadn’t.

“Look at me.” He tried to cup your face but you didn’t let him, giggling into his chest as you protested.

The two of you must look absolutely pathetic to bystanders right now. You were completely stuck in your own world, acting like high school kids who were brand new to love, but somehow that’s exactly what you were.

He chuckled lowly, as you tightened the hold you had on his waist. “Ah, whyyy…Look at me, come on.”

You do as you’re told, and when you look up you are greeted by the most beautiful smile you’ve seen in your life, making your breath hitch in your throat at how boyish yet manly he looked just now.

“Ok, I’m looking. Now what?” You challenge as you take a hold of his wrists as he cupped your face.

He didn’t know if he’d move too fast if he kissed your lips right now, so he decided against it while giving you a sweet kiss on your forehead instead.

“I just wanted to see your pretty face up close again. Instagram doesn’t do you justice, angel.”

“Oh, shut up.” You giggle, rolling your eyes as you push yourself out of his hold. You hate to admit it, but the little pet name made your heart skip a beat. You pretend to run from him, but he snatched you back in no time by tugging at your elbow with laughs and giggles. You give in and link arms with him as you resumed your walk through your neighborhood and look up at him to check if he was really here with you right now.

This whole thing just felt too good to be true. Here you thought he’d moved on from your relationship, but the confirmation that he hadn’t was nice, to say the least.

He looked down as he felt your eyes on him and smiles at you before looking at the path ahead of him.

“What?” he asks with an amused tone, but you just shake your head in response.

“You seem different.”

“How different?”

“Like you aren’t carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders anymore type of different.”

He nodded understandingly and stopped in his tracks to look into your eyes again. His hands traveled down to yours, lacing your fingers together once more before he sighed, tucking a stray piece of your hair behind your ear for you.

You gave him an expecting look, squeezing the hand that was still intertwined with yours to assure him of the fact that you’re listening, which earned you a small smile.

“It’s cause I’m not. While you were changing the lives of others with your research, I was changing my own. At first, I thought the whole therapy thing was a hoax. I didn’t understand why talking to some stranger would fix me, but it helped me come to terms with a lot. I learned about acceptance and moving forward. And I learned that in order to be able to love someone in a healthy manner, I’d have to love myself first. You know…on a deeper level than just my handsome face” he jokes trying to lift some weight off of his words.

You roll your eyes, but secretly love his arrogance, making a low chuckle escape from your lips before you return to seriousness again.

“I’m so proud of you.” you say, and you mean it. You’re amazed at how clear his mind seemed to be. It’d usually take Yeonjun a good minute to collect his thoughts before he could talk about how he felt with you, but right now it came out so naturally, it was almost odd.

He gave you a weak side smile, making eye contact once again. “I’m nowhere near the finish line though. I can’t promise you that I’ll never fuck up again because I’m learning as I go, but what I can promise you, is that my heart and my feelings for you are unchanged. I haven’t stopped thinking of you, not once. The thought of being with you again was my driving force and I need you to know that.”

He caressed your cheek while you let his words sink in and suddenly you feel tears prickle your eyes.

You were at a loss for words, completely lovestruck by his incredibly sweet and wise confession.

You hold onto his wrist for leverage, your breathing turned shaky and uneven as a tear escaped your eyes.

Here you thought he had completely moved on from your relationship. But god, you were so wrong, and you couldn’t be any happier.

“I promised myself to never make you cry again,” he joked lightheartedly as he wiped another tear away from your cheek, making you sniff in response, wiping them away with your sleeve quickly. “They’re happy tears.”

He looked into your eyes again, searching for answers and maybe even permission. He wanted to take things slow; give you time to reflect and time to adjust to being back home, but he simply couldn’t help himself.

When you leaned into his touch, he knew you basically gave him an okay to proceed.

He inched his face dangerously close to yours, lightly brushing his plump lips against yours. His hesitation made you smile, so you pull him down to your level by the back of his neck as you initiated the kiss.

He froze for a second at your dominance but quickly relaxed in your touch soon after he realized that you seemed to want this just as much as he did.

Kissing him was like muscle memory. It felt natural and blissful and suddenly you find yourself wondering about how you were able to live without this feeling of pure euphoria for over six months.

His love was like a drug, and all it took was one kiss to break your sobriety.

He pulled back, quickly assessing his surroundings before he realized the two of you were basically making out in the middle of the street.

He pulled you into an alleyway and pushed you against the wall of a random apartment building, his hands holding on to each side of your face delicately yet roughly as he kissed you with so much fervor, it almost made you dizzy.

“You really had me thinking I lost you forever,” he mumbles as his lips disconnected from yours.

You weren’t given the change to respond as his lips found their way to the soft spot in your neck. He still remembered every sensitive inch of your skin and used it against you all too willingly; wrapping his hands around your throat as he kissed and licked a pattern from your jaw to your neck.

A breathy moan left your lips as he started to suck possessive marks onto your neck and you instinctively wrap your arms around his waist, letting him do as he pleases, too entranced by the delicious feeling. You jumped up and he caught you by hooking his arms under your thighs, stabilizing you against the wall as you kept making out.

You giggled at his eagerness, a little flustered at the fact that you were in public; even though it was nighttime while being in a neglected alley; it still felt wrong.

He smirked against your neck when he felt you hesitate, and placed a soft yet wet kiss on your lips before letting go of you. He made sure you landed back on the ground safely, straightening out your clothes for you. “Maybe we should head back,” he says with a dark gaze, acting as if he didn’t just litter your neck with marks and bruises. He licked his pouty lips in amusement at the sight of what he had just done to you, knowing all too well that people would be able to see what happened while the two of you were gone.

You playfully shoved him aside, completely oblivious to how bad it really was but when you stepped into the elevator and saw your own reflection you gasped and shot Yeonjun a look of pure panic and distress. “YEONJUN!” you gasp loudly. “You can’t be fucking serious.”

“I’m sorry I just…couldn’t help myself.” he licked his lips again, cockiness emitting from his entire being. He inched closer to you to give you an innocent kiss on the top of your head and pulled the hair tie out of your hair, making your hair fall past your shoulders to cover the hickeys.

“This’ll do.”

“Oh my god, I hate you.”

He scoffed, casually smacking your ass in response.

On the remaining way back to your apartment you were constantly fixing your clothes and hair, trying to let it nonchalantly fall to the front but you knew it looked rather ridiculous.

You had hoped your friends were too intoxicated to notice but when you stepped foot in your apartment with Yeonjun closely trailing behind you, all eyes were on you again.

How long were you two gone for? 10, maybe 20 minutes?

“Hyung.” Taehyun grabbed Yeonjun by his collar, turning him around which made Yeonjun frown at the younger one.

“For fucks sake.” Taehyun sighs dramatically, wiping something pink from the corner of Yeonjun’s mouth with his index finger.

…it was your fucking lipgloss.

Yeonjun’s ears turned a bright red as he started to chuckle nervously. “Now I lost the fucking bet with Hueningkai. I thought it’d take at least a week before you two would start simping over each other again, it hasn’t even been an hour….AND OUTSIDE?” Taehyun sucks his teeth as a sign of disapproval, looking you up and down before his eyes lingered on your neck. “Animals. That’s it. That’s the description.”

“Pay up, loser. I told you.” Hueningkai cackles as he throws his arms around both Taehyun and Yeonjun’s shoulders.

“Y’all made a bet? An actual bet on our relationship?” you ask in pure disbelief. It was so like them to turn your emotional turmoil into their own amusement, but you couldn’t really be mad at them.

Your friends know the two of you better than anyone and probably saw this coming way before you did.

“Venmo me later.” Taehyun mumbles to Hueningkai in defeat while walking off, and you can’t help but chuckle at the irony of it all.

All of these months left in pure insecurity about your relationship with Yeonjun. Nights of pondering about your future, worrying if he had moved on or not. It was all for nothing

Yeonjun and you move like magnets, and no course of time could really drive you apart because when you’re reunited, you will always find your way back to each other. Always.

He looked at you a little dreamily, it still wasn’t sinking in that you were back. For good. And all his.

He snaked his arm around your waist as he stood behind you, resting his head on your shoulder as you told your friends all about your adventures.

He was clingy, you were clingy and neither of you was hiding it for anyone. You’ve had your fair share of secrets with Yeonjun and you were more than glad that those times were over with.

At around 4 AM most people left, and you were left alone with the boys, Ryujin and Mia.

You were on the couch, perfectly comfortable on Yeonjun’s lap as you leaned into his chest. One hand was rubbing your back in up and down motions while the other had found its way under your shirt and onto your waist. His cold fingertips grazed over your bare skin and suddenly it was way too hard to stay awake.

The chatter of your friends became background noise as your eyelids grew heavy. But you were shortly awakened out of your slumber as you felt Yeonjuns lips on your temple.

“You must be so tired after that flight and this whole circus,” he whispered with an empathetic pout, yet all you could do was nod as a response.

He chuckled at your cuteness and fixed a piece of your hair, kissing your forehead again before you buried your face in the crook of his neck.

“It’s funny how nothing has changed, yet everything is different,” Beomgyu says as he stares at you and Yeonjun with a loving smile.

Beomgyu might be a little shit with a smart mouth, but he cares for his friends. Seeing the two of you be so content in each other's presence made love emit from his pupils. Even though Yeonjun had been doing so much better the best couple of months, nothing compares to the pure happiness and giddiness that Gyu was seeing from him now, and that was all because you were together again.

Beomgyu wasn’t the only one to notice, because it was literally all of them, and especially Soobin.

Soobin who literally rebelled against any type of relationship between you and Yeonjun was smiling at the sight of you in his arms fondly. His two best friends finally found solace in each other after all the shit that both of you had been through together, and it made him sentimental.

A year had passed since the two of you started dating unofficially, though this was the first time in that whole year that Soobin was completely okay with it.

You were long gone and off into dreamland by now as Yeonjun looked at you with a small smile on his lips, but when he looked up to check why everyone had stopped talking, he was met with six pairs of twinkling eyes on him.

His pupils darted back and forth between them in genuine confusion. “Why? What’s wrong.”

“Nothing’s wrong.” Soobin sighed contently. “For once, nothing is wrong.” he says as he leans forward to hug Mia from behind who was sitting between his legs on the floor.

Taehyun chuckled at Soobin’s dramatic statement and Hueningkai hummed in agreement.

“Not to get all simpy or anything, but with her being back it feels like our little dysfunctional family is whole again.” Beomgyu mumbles as he let his head drop onto Ryujin’s shoulder.

“Let’s try to be less dysfunctional,” Hueningkai says with determination.

“We can be less dysfunctional if you can clean up after yourselves and fold your own damn laundry so I don’t have to start a fight with you every 5 seconds,” Taehyun argues as he throws a pillow at Hueningkai's face. Making him laugh as he got in in the face with full force.

“Why can’t we just…have one peaceful moment…just one.” Soobin says rubbing his forehead in agony.

Yeonjun chuckled at the banter of his little brothers and looked back at you. “I don’t know guys, maybe that’s our charm,” he says leaving all of them in pure confusion as they looked at him for clarification.

“What do you mean by that.” Mia questions as she raises a brow at him.

“We’ll literally walk through fire to be there for each other, right? We go through things individually but will never fail to be there for each other in times of need, and I think we need to embrace our worst mistakes and arguments so we can grow from them. After all we’ve been through, I know we’ll be together forever. So, I say cheers to being dysfunctional,” He says with a proud smile, picking up his drink from the side table to raise it up in the air for a collective moment of cheers.

Dumbfounded by Yeonjun’s odd display of maturity and wise words, they all comply, raising their glasses in the air followed by a loud cheer to being “dysfunctional.”

The sudden loudness of their voices woke you up, completely out of it and sleep drunk; you lift your head from Yeonjun’s chest, squinting your eyes at your friends as you rub the sleep out of your eyes.

“Did I miss anything?” you say, your voice laced with sleep and confusion.

They all burst out into laughter at your current state paired with your obliviousness and messy bed hair.

“Nah, just six months of incompleteness,” Yeonjun says as he pecks your lips.

Mia stayed over that night and helped you unpack and clean your whole apartment the next day, which you were super grateful for but...you’d be lying if you said you didn’t wish Yeonjun would’ve stayed the night.

The fact of the matter is that you haven’t had time for a serious talk with him yet, because you know, tongue punching each other was of higher priority than hashing things out with actual words. Which meant you hadn’t really talked about your relationship status or how things will be moving forward.

“The last game of the season is tonight. Are you going?” Mia asked as she plops down on your couch with you.

“The last one? Already?”

“Yeah we’re gonna go celebrate after.”

“Even if they lose?”

“Girl, you know they don’t lose.”

You roll your eyes and laugh at Mia’s overconfidence in her boyfriends’ team. You were about to give her a definite answer before your phone started buzzing.

[Yeonjun, 12.44 PM]: Hi baby.

[Yeonjun, 12.45 PM]: Is it ok if I come over? I’ll bring us coffees from that café you love so much. 😌

[Y/N, 12.45 PM]: Yesss please 🥺

You giddily smile at your phone, wanting to squeal with excitement but you hold it in and Mia seems to notice. “Oh god, is it him?”

“Yeah, so.” you glare at her with playful intent “Let me be happy. He’s changed so drastically; I almost couldn’t believe that last night’s Yeonjun was the Yeonjun I left six months ago.”

“Yeah, he’s been working super hard to change and the whole thing with his mom helped too.”

“His mom? What do you mean?” You ask in genuine confusion, Mia bit her lip as she furiously shook her head. “Listen, I’m never, ever going to meddle in your relationship ever again. When he gets here, I’m sure he’ll tell you all about it.”

You chuckle, nodding in agreement until your attention is averted to your phone again as it buzzes in your lap once more.

[Hyunjin, 12.46 PM]: Hey sweetheart, did you have a good flight?

Oh….

Your eyes shoot to Mia’s in panic and she frowns, taking your phone out of your hold to read the message.

“Oh my god…is this your little slip-up?” she asks with disgust evident on her features.

“What do you mean slip up? I am a single woman,” you argue, but Mia wasn’t having it.

“AM?”

“WAS? GIRL, I DON’T KNOW. It was a fling, nothing more.”

“Flings don’t call you sweetheart and ask you how your flight was.” Mia says squinting her eyes at you.

“Mia…”

She sighed, visibly irritated with how naïve you were being, but you couldn’t have known that you’d fall back into Yeonjun’s arms that fast, and it’s not like you ever dated Hyunjin. He was just a friend…who you’ve slept with once.

“Listen, girl. I love you...but after everything Yeonjun has put himself through to be a better man for you, you better ghost this motherfucker right now or else.”

“Jeez, I will. It’s not like I like the guy. And since when are you team Yeonjun?”

She relaxed at your statement, slouching back into the couch. “A lot has changed y/n. He was a good friend to me when you weren’t here, that’s all.”

You nod understandingly, realizing that Yeonjun and yourself have a lot to talk about; maybe even more than you had hoped for now that Hyunjin reminded you of his existence with a mere text message.

Mia left soon after, wanting to give Yeonjun and yourself some privacy for when he got here, which wasn’t long after she left.

You opened the door for him, and he smiled at you. He was wearing a black beanie, an oversized black t-shirt, and those damned gray sweatpants of his that you love so much. Your heart did a thing at the sight and he quickly kissed your cheek before he rushed his way into your living room, trying to find a place to set down the coffee cups that were burning his fingertips at the touch.

“Careful.” You mumble as you watch him struggle. When he put the coffees down on your salon table, he quickly made his way to you again to properly kiss you this time.

He cupped your face, pulling you into him as he started to steal chaste kisses from your lips. You giggled into the kisses as you tried to untangle yourself from him, slapping his chest playfully to shoo him away.

He let go with a smile, taking your hand to lead you to your couch. You could tell by his whole body language and the way he skipped through your apartment that he was happier than ever.

You hoped you wouldn’t ruin that happiness by telling him about Hyunjin, but it shouldn’t matter because he didn’t matter. You only wanted to tell him just so you weren’t keeping any secrets anymore; cause god knows how that went the last time.

“How’d you sleep?” he asks you as he hands you your coffee. You happily take it from him and keep your eyes on him as you take a sip. “Fine, it was weird being in my own bed again, I missed it though.”

“Yeah? Anything else you missed?” his gaze was piercing into you as he took a sip of his Americano, fully aware that he was fishing for an ego boost.

“Theres this guy I kinda missed, I guess his name is Yeonjun.” You shrug as you take another sip; your flirty playfulness is one of the things that he loved about you, it kept things spicy.

“Oh him? He wanted me to tell you that he kinda missed you too,” he says with an amused glimmer in his eyes.

You chuckle. “Good.”

Suddenly the two of you fell quiet, but it wasn’t an awkward quietness; it was more of a realization that your endless flirting had to turn into somewhat of a serious conversation.

“Yeonjun…”

“Hmm?” his eyes softened at the way you called his name, he set his coffee aside turning to you completely to show you that he was listening attentively.

You sigh, not knowing what else to say other than the following. “I love you and I want to be with you.”

His eyes grow in size, a little shook by your directness but he composed himself as he fixed his posture quickly. “Why do I feel a ‘but’ coming?”

“I mean it, but I need to be honest with you too,”

“About what?”

“While I was at Brown, I kind of…flirted off and on with one of my lab partners and well…I slept with him…once. I swear it was only once and I-” he cut you off by raising his hand so you’d stop your nervous rambling and sighed. He knew exactly who you were talking about, because he had seen that motherfucker all over Instagram and had honestly seen this confession coming from miles away.

He was glad you told him though, cause he'd feel worse if you tried to hide it from him.

Though you didn’t post about him, Hyunjin did post about you, and basically tagged you in all of his Insta stories or group pictures. Yeonjun shamelessly cyberstalked the guy. It wasn’t one of his proudest moments, but he had to just to stay sane.

“Baby, we were broken up. You don’t have to justify what you did or didn’t do at that time. It’s not like I expected you to turn into a nun.”

You raise your brows in surprise at his mature response. “You’re not mad?”

“No. As long as it’s over with.”

“It is, I promise.”

“Good,” he sucked his teeth as he watched you. “Also, it’s not like anyone can fuck you as well as I can,” he states with a devious smirk as he pulled you close, making you gulp in response to his choice of words.

He chuckles at how easily intimidated you were by him and takes the opportunity to tease you.

“Did he?”

“N-no.” you stutter, innocently staring up at him. “He didn’t”

“Good girl.” He says, biting his lip while letting his thumb ghost over your lower lip.

His choice of words made your stomach turn but you knew better than to let lust get the best of you once again.

“Yeonjun…” you breathe his name like a warning, trying to avert the tension. “We…we need to talk.”

“We can talk.” He shrugs, pulling your legs towards him aggressively so you’d slide down. Your back was now on the couch as he parted your legs, settling himself in between them before hovering over you to kiss over the bruises he left last night. “After I give you a little reminder.” He smiles against your skin, pulling your shirt over your bra so he could kiss a trail down to your belly button.

“God I missed you,” he says digging his nails into your waist. "So fucking much."

(Warning: heavy smut ahead!)

Your mind goes into overdrive as he unties the tie to your sweatpants, and as he does so you stare at the outline that had formed in his own.

He didn’t waste any time, pulling down the waistband of your joggers with one swift motion while you helped him by lifting your hips off the couch.

He discarded of your clothes faster than your mind could comprehend but then you noticed that he was fully clothed, when the only thing you were wearing by now were your panties.

You pouted, pulling at his waistband but he grabbed your wrist, pinning your hands above your head so he could look at you, beautiful, bare, and all his.

“Fuck, you’re so beautiful.” His lips found their way to the sensitive nub of your breast as he eagerly licked and sucked on it while his fingers found their way onto your still clothed heat.

He rubbed his middle and index finger over your clit, making you moan at the sudden stimulation.

He pulled away, making his way down to your core as he littered your inner thigh with more and more hickeys.

You were eagerly moving your hips by now, trying to get him to kiss you where you wanted him most, but he was taking his sweet time and you were losing your patience.

“Y-Yeonjun…” you moan his name. He finally rewards you by pulling your panties aside. Licking his lips at your glistening arousal, ready to feast on you as if it was the last meal he’d ever have.

“Fuck.” He says with admiration to no one in particular, placing a soft kiss on your pussy before he started to slowly kitten-lick your sensitive nub. He lowly hummed in approval at the taste of you and fastened his pace slowly.

You gasped, arching your back to give him better access as he started to eat you out like you’ve never experienced in your life.

His skill was baffling, he had your brain melting and legs shaking while he struggled to keep you still.

“Ah…” you arch your back once more, trying to get away from the overstimulation but he held you down with his strong arms.

“Who are you running from baby, stay still.” He ordered with a low voice before getting back to business, and with ten more seconds, he had you cumming in his mouth as the vibration of his low hums drove you over the edge. You cover your own mouth to muffle your loud cries, but he pulled your hands away from your face, wanting to hear you fall apart for him.

“That’s it baby.” he mused in approval, finishing you off with one last lick before he came back up to assess your fucked out state. “So fucking good for me.”

Your chest was heaving up and down rapidly as you were trying to catch your breath. Once again you lost to the charms of Choi Yeonjun, but he was nowhere near done with you.

He quickly got rid of his own clothes and pumped himself a few times while looking straight into your eyes.

This man is a god, and he knew it.

His mischief returned when he realized you were watching him. “I think I got you wet enough, right baby?”

You almost forgot about his grit, your mouth salivating at the sight. Any slick you could build with him was a gift, because the last thing you wanted was for him to start a fire down there, cause that’s just how big he was.

You sit up which surprised him, but when you spit in your hand and pumped him a few times to slick him up some more he chuckled lowly as he realized what you were doing. He moaned in the form of a sharp exhale as your pace fastened, but he didn’t let you take control just yet.

“Scared?” he teased, keeping his eyes on you as you twisted your wrist a little more.

“No.” you huff.

“Then turn around.”

You comply without a thought. You were both sitting up on your knees while your back leaned against his chest. You threw your head back and he kissed your forehead sweetly. guiding himself into you while his other hand held onto your waist to stabilize you against him.

You curse at the stretch, digging your nails into his thighs for leverage as he fills you up.

You both moan as your walls clenched around him. His arms snaked around you from behind as he took a hold of your neck, pinching down on the veins on each side of your throat as he slammed his hips into you continuously with long and deep strokes.

The choking sensation made everything so much more intense, especially when the fingers of his other hand started to rub circles on your still abused clit.

Your eyes rolled back as your vision got blurry, tears prickling your eyes at how good you were being wrecked right now.

He let go of your neck, putting his hand on the small of your back to push you down on the couch so your ass was up, and your face was down.

He started to pound into you mercilessly, his rhythm and pace perfectly alternating as he grabbed a fistful of your hair. “You’re mine,” he grunted as he felt himself getting closer and closer by the physical stimulation of your tightness and the mental stimulation of your moans and mewls.

It didn’t take long before you both reached your highs as he was prone boning you into heaven.

Your orgasm washes over you, and right after you came, he reached his own high.

He pulled out right before he busted, releasing himself onto your back with a loud growl.

Your eyes flutter closed; way too fucked out to function as you catch your breath. You feel his weight move off of you to grab one of the napkins on your side table that came with the coffees, and wiped his cum off of you with a cocky smile on his face.

You built up the energy to look back at him, and when your eyes meet all you can do is giggle with him at how ridiculous you two are.

“So…I guess now we can talk,” he says with a smirk.

- end of smut -

Once you fully recovered from having your back blown out…quite literally. You came out of your bedroom after a quick change of clothes.

You walk into your living room while you pull a clean shirt over your head.

Yeonjun was still on your couch, watching you with a big boyish smile on his face as his gaze followed you.

“All good?” he asks, opening his arms for you. You nod in response, excitedly making your way into his arms. He moved you on top of him so you were on his lap and kissed your cheek sweetly.

“Where do we even start.” You think out loud as you start playing with Yeonjun’s hair. He threw his head back in solace, letting you massage his scalp softly.

You chuckle at his reaction, stopping your actions which made him lift his head up immediately, giving you a kittenish angry face. “Why’d you stop.”

“Because it’s been an hour since you got here and all we do is dance around the subject,” you say as you move off of him. You turn sideways, leaning against the armrest of your couch while you drape your legs over his lap and sigh.

After deciding that Yeonjun would go first, he told you everything. From the progress he has made with his therapist to the baffling information of his mother selling Choi Enterprises and moving closer to the Uni for him. He told you about their relationship and his interest in the fashion industry. He’s been spending time with his friends in the dance studio again after years of neglecting his hobby and his grades are improving drastically compared to last year too.

He’s been doing well both mentally and socially. Even though he still has his bad days, he’s a lot happier than he was before. You listened attentively asking questions and making sure you understood every detail to your best ability.

When it was your turn to start talking, you realize just how sadistic your exchange was now that you’re explaining the details out loud. You told him about the crazy schedules, spending days from 8 am to 10 pm in the lab, neglecting your health just to forget about your heartache. You were being brutally honest, and you saw Yeonjun’s jaw clench at the revelation.

If he knew you were having such a hard time, he would’ve contacted you more, but you explained to him how the experience made you stronger, harder and less of a cry baby.

You spoke about your new gained independence and soon realized that, where Yeonjun needed emotional cradling, you needed to be hit with the real world without the safety net that your friends and parents always provided for you.

The two of you had been talking for over two hours, and finally came to the inevitable question.

“So…what does that make us.” You sigh as you played with his fingers.

“Really, the ‘what are we’ question?” he chuckled, watching you play with the ring on his index finger.

“Well. Do you have an answer?” you mumble, letting go of his hand.

“I’m yours,” he says, putting his hand on your thigh while his other hand tugged on your chin to make you look up at him.

Your eyes grew in size, swallowing harshly when his fingers moved from your chin to caress your cheek. “And I don’t want to take things slow anymore, I love you too much to relive the dating phase."

“Me too,” you agree with determination. He smirked contently, leaning into you to feverishly kiss you on the lips.

“You know what that was?” He asks as he pulls away with his face still in close proximity.

“What?” you question with a giggle.

“Our first kiss as boyfriend and girlfriend.”

You slap his chest, bursting into laughter at his cheesiness. The sound of your laughs and giggles filled the room as he started to kiss you all over your face and neck, leaving you breathless and ticklish at his touch

“I love you, Choi Yeonjun, but I think you have an important basketball game to get to.”

Of course they won.

Yeonjun made the winning point which meant he had something to brag about all night.

You were at a local diner with all of the boys, their teammates, and respective girlfriends or boyfriends. Drinking, talking, and overall having a good time.

When Mia, Ryujin, Soobin, Taehyun, Beomgyu and Hueningkai heard the news about your new relationship status, they basically congratulated you as if you announced that you were getting married.

The whole thing was just way too funny, and Yeonjun dragged you around all night to introduce you to everyone.

The freshman on the team were so confused when Yeonjun introduced you as his girlfriend because they had never heard of or seen you before.

“Hyung, Imma be honest with you, I kinda thought you were gay.” Sunghoon admits as he apologetically scratched the back of his head.

“…S-same” Heesung states, looking at you both with apologetic eyes as well.

Yeonjun looked at them a little funny as he burst into laughter, pulling you closer to him. “Why?”

“Because well, we haven’t seen you with a girl all year, and with the way you look, I don’t know. 1+1 was gay I guess.” Jay, another freshman explained their point of view a little further, which had you cackling at the situation.

“Oh my god, so you little shits were the ones spreading rumors about me and Wooyoung!?”

“N-no! NO!” The kids protested, but Yeonjun was already playfully grabbing them by their collars to scold them.

You laughed at the whole ordeal, love emitting from your eyes as you watched Yeonjun be in his popular guy element again.

You zoned out for a bit, absentmindedly listening to how Beomgyu and Hueningkai were telling a story about that one time they took Yeonjun’s car for a joyride in the middle of the night without his permission.

Yeonjun noticed your mental absence, wrapping an arm around your shoulder to pull you into his chest, softly kissing your temple.

“What’s wrong?”

You shake your head, sentiment getting the better of you. This is the most complete you’ve felt in a while.

You kissed him with fervor, your hands lacing through his dark locks before you pulled away to place a small kiss on the corner of his mouth.

“I’m just really happy right now,” you say as you smile at each other lovingly.

1 year later.

Graduation was around the corner.

It was insane how fast time flew. You celebrated your first-year anniversary with Yeonjun the night before and were now laying in his bed the next morning, slowly waking up just to feel the soreness of what he did to you last night.

You groaned in agony at the bright light, even after all this time; you still weren’t a morning person.

You noticed how Yeonjun was missing from the bed, so you got up to look for him. Putting on his large shirt to cover yourself as you made your way to the boys’ living room.

Soobin was on the couch with Taehyun and Hueningkai looking you up and down with disapproval.

“Jesus. Did you get hit by a truck in there?” Taehyun asks as he clicked his tongue.

“Shut up smart-ass. Where’s Yeonjun?”

Taehyun chuckled, being completely used to your grumpiness in the morning by now. If Yeonjun wasn’t staying at your place, you were staying at theirs; so they were more accustomed to having you around like this.

“He said he had to run a quick errand; he’ll be back soon,” Soobin replies with light amusement in his eyes at how roughed up you looked.

“Hey, next time…be a little more quiet.” Beomgyu tells you as he walked out of the kitchen and into the living room.

“My room is next to Yeonjun’s you know.”

“Oh shut up hyung, I hear you and Ryujin almost every night,” Hueningkai says rolling his eyes, which made you crack your first smile of the day.

“Oh nooo, not my pure baby Hueningie” Soobin pouted as he trapped Kai in between his legs for a hug.

“Hyung, you’re gonna have to let go soon. Literally. When you guys graduate you don’t get to live here and baby me anymore.” Hueningkai protests as he tries to push Soobin off of him.

Soobin pouted, making you immediately feel bad for him.

When Yeonjun and Soobin would move out, Jay and Heesung would move in, which meant that Beomgyu, Taehyun, and Hueningkai had to hold down the fort as seniors for one more year until they graduated, and the thought alone made Soobin feel uneasy.

Soobin and Mia were officially moving in together after graduation. They had planned their whole futures together and both had job offers in the city from their internships.

“I’ll still come over…every…weekend. You know, just to make sure.”

You drift off into thought, realizing how Yeonjun and yourself have been living your lives in the moment without concrete plans for the future together.

Since your apartment was off-campus you still got to live there after graduation. You had gotten an amazing job offer because of your research at Brown, which had major corporations battle it out with outrageous contracts, salaries, and promises to your favor so your options were most definitely open.

Your future looked bright, as did Yeonjun’s who’d be working as a Creative Director for his mothers’ luxury brand...but how did you two miss the mark on planning a future together?

Were you that caught up in your own world to realize that adult decisions had to be made soon?

Yeonjun walked in, interrupting your thoughts. “Oh, hey guys.”

He set his keys on the kitchen counter, giving you a funny look. “I texted you to get ready.”

“Oh..shit, I didn’t check my phone, Sorry. Give me 20 minutes.”

You didn’t question why he wanted you to get ready, he’d probably take you out for breakfast or some shit, so you weren’t suspecting anything, but Yeonjun could sense that something was off about you.

During the car ride to your unknown destination, he looked at you as you stared out of the window. You were lost in deep thought about the whole graduation thing and didn’t even notice how the houses on the streets were starting to get ridiculously big as you drove further and further into a random neighborhood

He grabbed your hand, kissing the inside of your palm while rubbing those comforting circles into your skin.

“What’s wrong?” he asks, trying to look at the road while also looking at you from time to time.

“I’m just…worried about life after graduation. I don’t like change.”

Yeonjun raised his brows in surprise, a soft smile tugging at his lips as he turned the corner into a brand-new built street filled with massive villas.

The neighborhood looked peaceful, not too flashy and private. Maybe even a little too perfect to be real.

He pulled up to a random house, parking his car on the driveway. The confusion was evident on your face as he opened the door for you, reaching out to take your hand.

He helped you out of the car and you give him a look, chuckling at his awkwardness. “Uh…are we here to see someone?”

He sighed, back hugging you and leaning his head on your shoulder as the both of you looked up at the house.

“What do you think of this place?”

“It’s…beautiful. But I don’t really get why we’re here.” You giggle as you feel him kiss your neck and you turn around to face him, trying to find answers in his eyes.

“If you want…we can stay here.” He bit his lip nervously. “You know, after graduation.”

“W-what? I’m confused. Like Till The End of Summer?”

He shook his head, laughing once again while snaking his arms around your waist at your innocence and obliviousness. “You’re so cute,” he muses, pulling out a set of keys from his pocket and suddenly realization hit you as pure shock takes over your features.

He bought the fucking house.

He couldn’t help but laugh at your shocked Pikachu face. He had been planning this behind your back for so long and it was incredibly hard to keep this a secret, especially since literally everyone knew about it but you.

You didn’t know what to do or say, completely frozen and shocked as you look at the house with big watery eyes.

He pulled you in for a deep and passionate kiss, giving you the keys to the front door with a big smile.

“Till the End of Our Lives.”

Bonus Chapter 15

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yandere-society · 4 years ago

Text

The Rabbit Hole

Summary: The Windy City in the mid-1920s is a spectacle of lights and sounds, roaring with the excitement of jazz music and swinging dance moves. Amid the brilliant stars of Chicago nightlife, there is a dark underground of secrets, mainly that being the mysterious Wonderland Ball you've been invited to participate in and be crowned the next "Alice". What you don't know is you may or may not be allowed to leave, per the Mad Hatter and a White Rabbit's desires. So, daring and brave as you are, you decide to take a journey down The Rabbit Hole and come face to face with high society - people - as you've never seen them before.

Genre: Yandere; Historical Fiction/ Fantasy Based In The 1920′s; Smut; Thriller; Alice in Wonderland Inspired

Warnings: Yandere themes, Mentions of drug/ alcohol use with/without consent, mentions of “gangsters”, light talks of selling your soul/ the devil/ religious “themes”?, sedative drugs used non-consensually, vivid dreams/nightmares, maybe light profanity? Smut: Non-protected sex (twice), creampies, oral sex (f and m receiving/giving), slight nipple play?, spanking, marking, bruising, slightly rough sex, use of a sex swing/ sex swing intercourse, f and m orgasms. I think that’s it.

Pairings: Jeon Jungkook (White Rabbit) x Reader (Alice) x Kim Seokjin (Mad Hatter), Side Pairing of Johnny (Jonathan) Suh from NCT x Reader, Johnny x Jung Jaehyun from NCT.

Author’s Notes: This is not going to be a historically accurate piece. As much as I am an advocate for research and learning about the times of old, I am only human and I am short on time researching in between my full time job. I have grown up and currently live in Chicago and I have never written a story about the Windy City before so here I am, writing to you about the wonderful city I call home. I am doing my best to stay true to my writing as well as make it as accurate as one can, but please forgive me if there are faults in this story!

We are not doing a collective Valentine’s Day event this year but the contents of this piece have been weighing heavily on my mind, so I asked if I could write this story for a little something-something. I hope you all enjoy it!

Written By: Admin 💖 @therealmintedmango

Also, who do you think the other boys from BTS are from Alice in Wonderland in this story? I’d love to know!

Stepping out of my very own vehicle my future husband’s family sent for me, I take in the sights and the sounds that Chicago provides this snowy afternoon.

People waltz around one another and mingle about, snow crunching under their feet. The faint sounds of jingle bells float down the streets in the chilly air, it smells of popcorn and roasted nuts as well as the sludge of gasoline tainting the snow. A cold breeze gliding across the buildings nearly knocks me off my feet as I look up to my new place of residence, a new high-rise Michigan Ave. The stars above my head seem to sparkle in the dark sky, or are those just the electric lights from the grand buildings surrounding me?

Curious, I think as I continue to have my sights set above the horizon. I’ve certainly strayed very far from the corn fields of back home. Inhaling the sharp, bitterly cold air around me, I feel a sense of dread almost wash over my senses. I knew what I was signing up for when I came here. Jonathan and I discussed it in great detail over the wire.

The reality of the situation is finally sinking into my layers of clothing.

Jonathan Suh, the grandson of Suh Realtor Industries Incorporated - which owns about one third of Chicago - has asked me to marry him. It was seemingly out of the blue too. I was going to spend the next years of my life trying to marry into the best livestock or vegetable farmer in town, not the filthy rich grandson in a large city. It felt like a dream when he called me and begged me to come as soon as possible. I suppose it pays off to be kind to everyone, especially when it felt like it was yesterday we were both in grammar school together.

I drink it all in, the busy sounds, the cold night air that leaves me feeling bitter and raw standing in the street while snow begins to descend from the blackened sky. It feels foreign to me even though it’s only about two hours away from the farm. The breeze blistering in from the west sends a chill up my spine.

This is a new beginning, I ponder to myself as I stretch upwards in the middle of the sidewalk. This is my chance at a better life, this is way better than being some poor, sad farm girl. That’s right! I’m going to be the wife of my childhood friend who just happened to be some rich playboy who has more money than he knows what to do with.

I’m going to be a Suh!

...Even if the whole arrangement is a sham...

“Miss, you are going to freeze to death outside!” Jonathan’s maids rush to usher me out of the cold quickly, but not before I accidentally bump into someone on the busy sidewalk.

“I beg you to pardon me,” I mumble as I set my sights over my shoulder on a man dressed in a long coat with hair as white as the snow currently blanketing the ground. “You’ll have to forgive me, I am just enraptured with how bright Chicago seems to shine at night.”

The man’s seemingly red eyes expand with my excitement, then soften. “No pardon to beg, Miss…?” He queries, a bloom of warmth spreading across his face.

“Suh.” I smile as the men shout from my car they have finished unpacking. “Well, I am the future Mrs. Jonathan Suh. For now I suppose I am still Y/N Y/L/N.”

“Strange, I didn’t think he… Well, never mind that now.” His eyes linger on mine. “Johnny’s got good taste.” I hear him mumble under his breath in a deep tone, slurring his words together in a string. “Well, I can’t wait to see more of you, future Mrs. Jonathan Suh.” He says as he swings his coat behind himself and takes off down the street, the crowd and the night dissolving him like a pill in warm water.

Curious and curiouser this night becomes, I think as the maids finally have enough of me standing about in the cold.

“Do you know who that was?” I ask the hoard of them, hoping someone has the answer to my bump in the night with a rather odd fellow. My heart is beating but I’m not sure what for. I know my place. I know why he called me… My fate was sealed as soon as I got the wire from my future husband.

The collective flock shake their heads and mutter polite “noes” as they lead me up grand staircases of marble and through dim corridors at this time of night, leaving my brain a drifting piece of snow in the blizzard that will surely accumulate outside overnight.

“Right this way.” A young redhead coos as she parades me up what must be my twentieth flight of stairs I’ve climbed this evening. “Master Suh will be so happy you are here at last!” They lead me into a beautiful room with the most lavish furniture I’ve ever seen in my life! Magazines and pictures certainly don’t bestow such fine items with quite the same honor as seeing such beauty in person.

“Madam Suh has a full schedule for you this weekend.” One of the elderly looking women dares to swoon as she says, “Wedding planning, I’m sure, no doubt.” My coat is taken from me and I am given house slippers to wear.

The flock - or really I should call them a herd of lemmings - all agree once more as a butler leads us through a hallway with objects of fine art, pottery, and paintings. Each item is so uniquely wonderful that it would make my brothers’ and sisters’ heads spin if they saw how perfect and polished everything is. How ornate and lavish! Am I to spend my life with fine, intricate pieces of art from all mediums? I wonder if Jonathan has created any of these himself? Would he allow me to paint? I wonder...

“Master Suh,” I inhale, realizing I am right at the threshold of a beautiful oak door. “Miss Y/N Y/L/N has arrived.” The butler announces.

My body feels all fuzzy and nervous for some reason. It’s been many years since I’ve seen my dear friend from when we were still learning how to hop on a bicycle in the country where his family had a small house and property that butted up against my family’s by the little lake in the middle of a corn field.

“Y/N!” A deep, refreshing voice purrs before he embraces me in a tight hug. “How was your ride? Did the car fair well, unlike the weather?” He chuckles as his tall frame dwarfs mine in comparison. The scent of him is most definitely cinnamon, scotch, and leather, which I’m not surprised. All fine things to smell of for certain.

The maids all giggle and mumble their approval and the butlers look away, anxious to gaze upon a woman in another man’s arms. I suppose his gesture of a greeting is very rude, but I don’t mind. Being smack-dab in the middle of my siblings, I feel like nothing phases me anymore, even the hug Jonathan wraps around me.

“Jonathan Suh,” I simper, pulling out of his embrace, “The ride was not too terrible, and my, how tall you’ve grown! And so dapper too.” I sigh earnestly. “It’s a pleasure to see you again.”

“I hope you say that every day you wake up and I am there beside you.” Jonathan’s brown eyes seem to daze in the glow from the lamp lights in the sitting parlor.

There’s nothing more I hate than an arrogant flirt, not to mention an arrogant flirt with money is all the more trouble. Is this really going to be the rest of my life? Living with Jonathan like this? So contrived and fake… it makes my insides twist.

“I am rather weary though from a day full of travels.” I pretend to yawn, shifting out of his arms bit by bit and heading toward the door. “May I have the delight in seeing you tomorrow?”

“Oh yes, you must be quite tired. I always get sleepy on car rides.’ Jonathan muses as he extends his hand to the door and the staff scramble into place. “Mr. and Mrs. Alan would you please escort Y/N to her room? I will be here but on the other end of the house until we are...you know-”

“Goodnight, Jonathan.” I say almost too quickly after that, leaving almost as swiftly as I’ve come.

Once my hair is down and I am dressed comfortably in my nightgown, I feel like I can take a deep breath again. It feels odd with my hair unpinned, sitting in a brand-new nightgown, overlooking the rocking waves of the lake and the snow that drifts down from the sky. Basking in the sill of my window from the beautiful lights and moonlight shining through my velvet curtains, I hope and pray that every night I spend in Chicago is not as forced and fake as this one has been.

I’m chasing something odd in my dream.

I move between pictures hanging on the walls, through the bellies of grandfather clocks, I emerge through the darkness every time, chasing a little white rabbit with a cottontail through or around objects of grand design. I have never had a dream that felt so vivid and real, like I am actually flying through my thoughts, time of the utmost essence for some unknown reason. I can’t seem to escape a dark feeling looming around me and I feel slightly frightened that I will not catch the little thing.

When I reach for the little dumpling covered in pretty white fur, it lurches forward, propelling my desire to catch up to the little beast.

I descend deeper and deeper, the spotlight in the darkness focused solely on the bunny ahead of me. I can’t reach him, I’m not fast enough, my feet do not carry me quick enough. I call to the animal but it doesn’t hear me, instead it flies between two large velvet curtains.

“Please!” I beg the animal as I pop through the hole in the curtains, shuffling through on my knees. “Where are you taking…me…” My question dies in my throat as I look up to find red eyes, his curly blonde hair waving at me from under a gold top hat, a gold mask from that of a masquerade celebration covering most of his face.

But, I know that soft smirk well now. I’ve replayed it several times already in my mind like the fool I am.

This is the man I met on the sidewalk. I gasp. But, why is he inhabiting my dream?

“Welcome to Wonderland, Alice.” A soft voice wafts from high above the two of us, making me shiver. “We’ve been waiting for you.”

Why am I frightened? Surely this is not a nightmare. I was only following a rabbit and now I am here with these two men.

Slowly, my eyes trail up the large mahogany platform, showcasing a very large, ornately plush gold and maroon seat which houses a man in an all green suit of the finest quality. He is also wearing a mask trimmed with greens and golds, his lush lips pinkened like he had just indulged in delicious raspberry jam pulled into a dark smirk. He sits with the side of his pale face in one of his hands, resting comfortably on the arm of the pretty chair. The man from the street sits on a swing that hangs high from the rafters, silently taking me in. An aura of power and class drips tastefully from every fiber of his being, weighing heavily upon me like he is a hammer and I am but a humble nail.

“Good job chasing rabbits.” The man’s smile further stretches, his amber eyes boring down upon me, making my skin want to jump from my skeleton. “The next step is to find The Rabbit Hole.”

My eyes fling open, a train's loud horn blaring in the distance, the golden morning haze filtering from the curtains across the room. I jolt upward in bed, cold sweat beading my body, tainting the beautiful nightgown the Suhs have given me. I throw the sheets off my bed and clutch my forehead, musing the words of the man in all green over and over to myself in a frenzy.

...What a dreadfully vivid dream...

I’ve been here for almost a week and I’ve lost count of the tea parties and luncheons I’ve attended with Mrs. Suh. The people and the houses and families they all belong to are getting lost to me in the wake of planning for a wedding. Though, I’m not sure how much I am actually planning. Merely pointing between two colors of table placemats and napkins or choosing between a flower or two.

Tonight though, it is another snowy evening on the lakeshore, we are attending a jazz concert at the Sunset Cafe to see a wonderful show performed by the talented Cab Calloway and Louis Armstrong who make the most wonderful music. I was practically buzzing when I heard the news that the Suhs would be taking me this evening. As always, Jonathan and his mother have only two options for me to wear this evening and I must make a choice between them. A silver, more A-lined gown that shows off more skin than one should in the winter with a mink-fur cowl or more fluttering, off the shoulder velvet cobalt-blue style of a ball gown with embroidered golden stars falling from the bust in waves of tulle.

Call me old fashioned, but I choose the one that makes me feel like a princess, not the one that makes me fit in. My thoughts wander between which Suh picked out which dress for me to wear and the dream of me chasing a white rabbit.

I can never seem to catch that rabbit nor have I seen the two men since my first dream. It relieved me, but it also scared me.

A shimmering laugh that is made of moonbeams and stars pulls me from my spell of thought that engrossed me.

The Suhs are dotting and cheerful people, always looking out for their only son in this cruel world. They are wonderful and powerful in their own ways, working the men and ladies in the sitting room of the theater with just a glance or smile of their lips. Mr. Suh smokes a cigar and smacks Jonathan on the back as they stand in the corner away from the ladies. Mrs. Suh includes me in all her conversations, never wanting me to feel lost or dissuaded from a million questions by another matriarch of a well-to-do family.

I can see why Jonathan doesn’t want to disappoint them or the good people of his clan’s name before or after himself.

The room is hazy from the smoky cigars that the men all drag on in between their elaborate conversations about President Coolidge and his beliefs while the women discuss lighter subjects such as traveling to Paris and Morocco as well as tennis. I find my thoughts up in the cloud of smoke that hangs in the room.

“Pardon me, ladies,” Jonathan places a hand gently upon my shoulder, “may I steal Y/N away for a few moments?”

“The concert will begin shortly, Johnny.” Mrs. Suh smiles, casting her charms to her son who smiles with reassurance to his dear mother.

“Don’t fret, mother,” Jonathan grins as she calls him his nickname, “I want to show her off to my college chums.”

Her eyes twinkle in delightful mischief as she swirls her glass of sweet liquor in her hand. “Just be sure to return her in one piece. Y/N has a long day ahead of her tomorrow.”

More wedding planning I’m not privy to I suppose? Such is my life now. High society is fun and all but the pressure is unlike anything I’ve ever felt before… No, my brain is captivated once more by the dark aura of the man from my dream, looming and lingering above me, teeth glimmering in the lim electric light of the room from my lucid dream. That was true, pure evil pressure I wish to never partake in the feeling of ever again.

Jonathan says nothing as he turns from her, ushering me away with his hand placed gently on my shoulder. We move silently and quickly through groups who mingle and giggle, alcohol strong in their glasses and upon their breath as we pass through the crowd of rich socialites.

We stop at one group of gentlemen, but I am only introduced to one handsome man named Jung Jaehyun who fondly shakes Jonathan’s hand and winks at me. What an odd fellow, I tell myself as we dive deeper and deeper into the crowd of people loitering in the fancy sitting room.

“I’m glad you wore the one I picked out.” Jonathan says so low that I may only be able to hear his words. Well, that answers that question then. “These men might eat you alive, so stay as sharp as a blade but soft as a lamb, understand me? They will not leave me be until I introduce you to them.”

“Are they your friends?” I query with a whisper as he pulls me to the edge of the room where young men have beautiful young ladies draped on their elbows.

I have never seen a lady look like they do, but I suppose it is fashionable and “kept up with the times”. I am not so appealing as these ladies are with their skin on display and their heels high, they attract my attention before the men who hold them up do. Their makeup is dark, yet shimmering in the soft glow from the electric lights from above. The fair ladies’ hair is cut so short, their sideways hats and feather headbands merely slip off their sleek and shiny hairstyles. I am in awe of the way they look and envy them for behaving and chatting so freely.

“Do not be scared, but they are budding gangsters who run speakeasies.” My eyes widen with his words, but I do what I am told. “Please do me another favor, Y/N, and become the most desirable woman here.” Jonathan whispers to me before we approach the hoard of people in front of me. “I will set you free from this cage as soon as I can.”

I can only nod as my demeanor switches like that of a light switch.

Walking up to these men and women I’ve never met, I invoke the acting spirit of Jane West for Jonathan. I demand my attention. I am the most beautiful creature in this sitting room, if not all of the world. I did not go to college but I am going to show you how well read and cultured I am. I am going to be a Suh and I command you all to bow down to me in this instant.

“Suh!” A tall man with coiffed, sandy blonde locks beams as he steps away from his fair darling on his arm tonight. “You dog! I didn’t think you’d grace us with your presence this evening!” They shake hands and laugh at nothing vigorously as I look between the two before the blonde catches my eye. They are pretty amber eyes that remain half-lidded and surely dazzle in the glow from chandeliers above. He’s not as tall as Jonathan, but he is handsome. “This must be-”

“Y/N Y/L/N.”

A voice from behind the blonde says clearly, setting to be free from the shadow of Jonathan’s friend.

It’s the white rabbit! I think as I try to hold myself together. He looks rather dapper in a white and gold waistcoat with tails, a top hat making him appear to be as formal as one can be. This is the gentleman I bumped into the streets, but I cannot press out of my head. I want to tell him to stay out of my dreams, but I fear he will think me mad if I declare such a bold thing without expressing my thoughts further.

“You know of my future bride, Jeon?” I feel the grip upon my shoulder tighten and breath being held from above me. Don’t fret, Jonathan, I would never tell anyone. I promise. Your secret is safe with me.

The friend with his hair as white as the fallen snow looks at me passively, eyes rimmed red like he can’t sleep a wink either. “I met her on the sidewalk, John, but we’ve never been properly introduced.” He bows and takes my blue-colored gloved hand in his white ones. He kisses the top of my hand and in this ball gown-like dress I am indeed fulfilling my fantasy of pretending to be a beautiful princess. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, future Mrs. Jonathan Suh.”

“Y/N,” Jonathan says, exhaling the concerned breath he’s been holding in, his grip returning to normal as well. “These are my friends from college: Mr. Kim Namjoon, whose family owns one third of the city like mine does, and Mr. Jeon Jungkook, who makes up the triangle of the most powerful families of Chicago.”

“At your service.” Jungkook says with a cheeky grin stretching across his face, kissing the top of my hand once more.

The way he looks up at me makes butterflies trapped in my body flutter and flounce about. But I cannot swoon or succumb to a young man so openly. Jonathan is counting on me.

“I’m delighted to meet Jonathan’s friends from his schooling.” I say in the same charming manner Mrs. Suh has produced all week.

“Forgive me for this is a bold question, future Mrs. Suh, but, will you be getting a gown made?” Namjoon asks me as he sips his scotch on the rocks.

“I think tomorrow I am going for a fitting, yes.” I nod my head, smiling just the right amount.

“Then it should be crafted by the finest in the Windy City, Kim’s Couture on the corner of Washington and LaSalle Street. Have you heard of the establishment before?” Namjoon queries.

“Indeed! I have!” I exclaim happily, my eyes wide as his stay half-lidded as though he is sleepy, though he smiles earnestly.

“Then I must insist you have a treasured wedding gown made by my seamstresses.” He hands me a white business card with only his name upon it. I stare at it until he taps it twice. “They will take excellent care of you, I promise.”

“Oh-ho!” A soft, almost melliferous voice rings out behind me. No... “This must be the infamous bride-to-be!” I know this voice! Fear rattles through me, making me tremble as I look over the shoulder Jonathan is not draped over to look at the mysterious voice. Time is slow as molasses as I face the man from my dream, clad all in a green waistcoat, vest, and top hat, wolfishly grinning at me.

“Ah, this is my eldest brother,” Namjoon muses as the electric lights flash, indicating the performance will begin soon, “Seokjin Kim.”

Kim Seokjin...

I feel like I know everything about this man yet nothing at all. He is the type of man who is a brilliant summer on the outside and stormy winter on the inside. The smile on his lips - that is the color of the inside of a cherry tart - is warm, yet cold all in the same breath. He appears to be a powerful man of high class, wrapped in an enigma of grace and power. But there is a scent of something malicious in the air as he closes the gap between us and gets down on his knee to kiss upon my hand.

I’m not sure what made me do it, but something comes over me, the flight or fight instinct animals possess lurches out of me in this moment.

“Why is a raven like a writing desk?” I ask, pulling my arm away from him.

Seokjin’s bright amber eyes slowly travel up my ball gown, disbelief and confusion colors his good looking features.

Mouths open in shock and my heart drops, but I feign a lie, turning out of Jonathan grasp, and quickly say, “Forgive me, for I feel faint.” I run to the bathroom in the hall as everyone piles into the main room of the Sunset Cafe, heart pounding in my chest and cheeks on fire.

I’m so sorry Jonathan, I did not mean to make a fool out of you. There is just something about the way Seokjin’s gaze is so feral that chills me to the bone.

A hand rests upon Jungkook’s shoulder while he continues to longingly gaze at the door as if he was willing me to come back with his mind. “Don’t worry, Jeon.” Seokjin purrs in his ear, amber gleam set upon the door. “She is the one who chases you every night, not the other way around.”

“I know, hyung.” Jungkook whispers as the brass begins to trumpet through the building. “When do we make our move?”

“Soon.” Seokjin chuckles darkly, guiding the younger of the boys to follow behind him. “Very soon we will have our glorious tea party.”

The subject of marriage has always been an odd one to me, I think to myself as maids and fashion consultants from the Kim’s dress boutique flutter and coo around me.

My parents married but it was never for love. I knew that, my siblings and myself knew that, yet they both loved us all the same. My mother and father married as more of a “good match on paper” sort of situation, than they were truly, madly in love. Still, they never fought, my father never hit my mother, never drank himself silly, never talked to another woman. My mother upheld the same standard and raised us all with love in her hardworking heart. I knew she was aware that I haven’t spoken to Jonathan since we were young children and that I would soon be in the same boat if I accepted his offer.

“A lifetime of money doesn’t equal happiness.” She told me. “You should marry for love, not for any green or gold.”

I agree. I know this full well. I’m not one to be stingy or greedy by any means. I don’t want to be an actress in a picture show or model for a beautiful Channel garment. And though I do want love in my life, I want a secure future. I am the middle child of middle-class farmers. The best match I could have made besides this one was with a cattle farmer or a man who works in the stockyards on the south side of Chicago.

It’s selfish for me to do this not only for myself but to my mother as well.

But, I am here and like my family, I will be fiercely loyal to the man I will call my husband. If not, call me a bold-faced liar and take me and my words to the grave.

Jonathan Suh is not a bad man for who he prefers in the sheets. I know that and have never felt such a way to treat someone less of me if they do prefer the company of one sex over another. I will not break the promise I’ve made to him, but I cannot help but feel like a songbird trapped in a tight, metal cage for the decision I’ve made to help him.

Due to the poor weather Chicago has currently come down with, the wedding has been postponed until further notice.

When I wired my family to tell them the news, my mother answered. I was a bit more than surprised that she almost sounded relieved when I told her the news. I promised I would wire soon and my younger sisters begged me to take them to the city to go shopping at Marshall Fields. My father sounded passive at first when the telephone wire was transferred to him by my youngest brother after he told me the family cat, Cheshire, had gone missing.

Truth be told, I am also more than happy to exhale a breath and not worry about someone questioning me about my upbringing. Or having Mrs. Suh and the don of high-class ladies and waist-coated men galloping around every breath I take.

I can finally relax, I think as I pull out a book in the study as Jonathan reads the Chicago Tribune on the couch across the way from me. We get along well, I realize. Silence suits us both. No tricks, not faking our way through hordes of important people. We have to conserve and save our energy for when we face the people mercilessly wanting to know everything and anything about us, good ole’ Jonathan and I...

No, not Jonathan anymore… I am to be his wife, and he...my…

I peer at him from over my book on flowers, losing interest in the pages.

Can I really pretend we are to be an item forever? Will one of us crack or slip up? It seems like we are stuck in a circle now, both of us floating in a pool of choices we will surely drown in.

Tap. Tap. Tap.

Someone knocks at the door, plucking me from my fever of thoughts. I fully peer over the pages in my hands, pretending like I was in fact engrossed in the origin story of an author I enjoyed as a girl.

“Enter.” Jonathan says without skipping a beat, not looking up from his black and white ink. His eyes scan the pages, following the drumming beat of the grandfather clock next to the roaring fireplace. But, now that I study him closer, I’m unsure if he was actually reading or just musing to himself like I was moments ago.

“The post, sir.” Butler James reports as he opens the door, my handmaiden Emily gliding up to us with a silver plate in her hands.

“Thank you, Emily.” Jonathan gives her a half-smile as he takes the single envelope off the tray, slicing it open with trepidation.

I look at the blood-red colored wax seal as he flips the paper, revealing a knight chess piece glaring upside down at me.

Jonathan scans the letter passively at first, his orbs lazily scanning the pages, then suddenly his eyes ignite with rage behind them. “No.” He says softly, red flushing to his handsome face. He rips the paper up into shreds then, aggression and hatred oozing from every pore for some unknown reason. He gets up as he throws the scraps in the fire with vigor as butler James, Emily, and I all stare at him like he’s grown a second head. “Don’t you dare go.” He warns me, irises blaring with unmeasurable loathing. “Those people are dangerous.” Jonathan practically snarls as he exits the room in a fit of rage, stomping down the hall as we look on stunned and slack-jawed at what had just happened.

From what I can tell, Jonathan isn’t one to get upset easily or lash out so that letter must have set him off. But what could it have been?

It really has sparked my curiosity, that’s for certain.

Where wasn’t I supposed to go and who was so dangerous?

I got the answer the next day as I read a book about traveling the jungles of South America.

“Miss!” My handmaiden whispers like a hiss as she enters the study. “Miss!”

“Yes, Emily?” I smile, putting my book down as she flutters to my side in a nervous frenzy. “What is the matter?”

“I snagged this from the post, miss.” She hands you the letter you saw the previous day with Jonathan, the one that he got enraged over. “Please open it quickly, miss, before the butler spots it! They want us to destroy anything with this seal on it!”

I do as I am told, opening up the letter addressed to both Jonathan and myself with the odd wax seal to find an invitation inside.

You Are Cordially Invited To Participate In:

THE WONDERLAND BALL

A Masquerade Party To Determine The Next “Alice”

For Directions Follow Us Down The Rabbit Hole

Knock Thrice For The Door Mouse To Let You Inside

Cheers,

The ‘Mad Hatter’ & Company

“How curious...” I muse as my eyes trail over the letter over and over, wondering what has Jonathan all in a panicked rage. “Well, I don’t even know where “The Rabbit Hole” is so I shan’t be going.”

“Tis’ a speakeasy, Miss.” Emily says her eyes wide as she reads the paper with you. “They say it’s the most fun one in all of downtown!” She giggles. “Shall I fetch you a gown for the ball?”

“No.” I shake my head with a small smile, hanging her back the letter. “If Jonathan said he doesn’t want me to go, I won’t.” I pick up my book as she slightly deflates, wanting to paint me up for the festivities I was invited to. “Please burn this now, Emily, so you don’t get in trouble.”

“Right away, Miss.” Emily bows a little before she heads out of the room, leaving me to daydream in the middle of the study in peace.

“How long must we wait?” Jungkook pesters Seokjin tirelessly who looks down from his wooden pedestal in the back room of the very peculiar club. “I am afraid a letter and her dreams are not going to cut it.” Jungkook snorts, frustration flashing in his red eyes.

“Mm, yes…” Seokjin rubs his chin with his white gloved hand, “Johnny boy has been hiding our little Alice away from our prying eyes, hasn’t he?”

“Yes!” Jungkook stomps his foot like that of a child, fists balled into tight fists at his sides. “And I was promised a maiden for all the hard work I’ve done for you!”

Seokjin laughs darkly then, the sound echoing off the walls of his private chambers. “Jungkook, I’m not sure if you understand that poisoning people and taking out a few smaller families in our beloved city is considered hard work.” He stops then, Seokjin’s usually light voice dripping with malice when he says, “But, I suppose this is one way to end the Suhs and get the last jewel on the crown you are desiring in your attempts to rule the city.”

“Is everything in place for the ball?” Jungkook grits his teeth as he stares up into the man who could end him in one go, but is choosing to help the young gangster. “Your magic won’t fail us now?”

Seokjin winks at him, spending him a flying kiss as he says, “It's going to be dreadfully delightful.” Ending the Suhs, managing to take out some more people in big crime families in Chicago, and adding one more perfect woman to his growing collection of pawns.

Sure, he was mad and about to destroy several lives in the process, but hell if he wasn’t half brilliant and good looking while doing so.

“Mr. Jeon!” I gasp as I peer at the man at my penthouse doorstep, covered in white flakes of heavy, wet snow sticking to his black trench coat and bowler hat. Everyone, even most of the maids were out this afternoon which is why I find myself in front of the door to the penthouse.

“Good evening, Y/L/N.” Jeon Jungkook smiles as he looks down at me earnestly. “Is your future husband not at home?” He whispers as he looks around the empty foyer, red-rimmed eyes glancing over the dim electric lights in the hallway.

I flush. My mind was hazy remembering my kiss with him and the other man that is never far away, Kim Seokjin, from the depths of my dreams. My dreams need to leave me be or I may turn into a codfish with the way they keep my head spinning. They haunt me so, the way my brain demands my nightmares to be replayed over and over like this.

“I’m afraid not, he said he’d be out for the night, taking care of something important at the office.” I say with a fake sigh, shaking my head. Truthfully, he’s been acting very strange lately and I can't quite put my finger on the reason for his odd behavior. Ever since he got that letter… Come to think of it, I haven’t seen any post since that strange night. I’ll ask Emily about it in the morning.

“I see.” Jungkook says softly. The grandfather clock chimes from the sitting room and I am suddenly aware of what time it is. I’m severely underdressed in my baby blue lounge attire, completely ill-prepared for meeting company. Books about faraway lands with princes and kings were the only thing occupying my time this evening and I’m embarrassed to even think that. “In that case, your outfit will just have to do, I suppose…”

Jungkook suddenly steps closer to me in one long stride, closing the gap between me and him. My heart skips a beat, his pupils dilate, my words run dry as he snakes one arm around my back, the other holding my chin with his thumb and forefinger.

“Mr. Jeon-” I stammer, unable to call for help, now that this man has me in his grasp.

“I have been willing you to come and follow me, to give into your darkest desires, but still you resist me.” The young man hisses down at me, brows knit with confusion. “You are the only thing anyone talks about and I cannot stand it any longer.” My mouth hangs open. His nostrils flare as he makes his move. “You will be mine. Not locked away in this tower while Johnny is out and about with another man. You will be our new Alice.”

Before I can say anything, he pours a vile from his pocket into my mouth, holding it above my arms so I can’t smack it away. It tastes like roast turkey and strong alcohol and I try to claw and get away but I cannot as Jungkook holds my mouth open; my tongue feels numb and my arms feel like jelly, going limp in Jungkook’s arms. The only thing I can remember before completely blacking out is the little tag on the side of the bottle that says “DRINK ME”, tied with a pink ribbon hanging from the tiny glass and the smell of his cologne which reminds me of musk with a dash of black pepper.

Faint sounds of brass and strings pull me from my unconscious state in a flurry.

My brain is working hard, producing series and strings of thoughts. Why did Mr. Jeon Jungkook do that to me? Does Jonathan know where I am? In the same breath, where am I? What was that drink? Have I been poisoned? I look at myself on the red heart-patterned bedsheets. I look fine. There is no sign or feelings that I’ve been harmed, no bruises, and most importantly of all, there is no blood. There is no indicator at all that I’ve been harmed at all, which makes me sigh in relief.

But still, where have I been taken? This surely is not a room in the Suh residence.

A room with no windows, a giant bed in the middle of the room, large wooden pedestals with various wax candles lit drip down the sides surround me, red velvet curtains drape the walls making the warm room seem even more dim, and a wooden swing all decorate the space I find myself trapped in.

I can feel the color drain from my face when I realize that I’ve been here before. In fact, I’ve been here many, many times - almost every night. Not in the flesh but in my dreams. The only thing that is missing are the two men I see every night…

All the little hairs on my body stand at alert, worry coloring my thoughts, and I feign a small gasp in the large room.

With a lump in my throat and my heart thumping so hard I fear it might try to escape my chest, I run from the room.

My blue nightgown flutters behind me, time seems to slow as my bare feet carry me through the rooms from my dreams - though it’s backwards this time. I dash like a mad person, twirling and twisting my way through the room with mirrors on every side, seeing myself panting like a dog running so hard in the reflective glass. Though, I am happy to see I have no scratches upon my face either. I run through the room with clocks hanging all over the walls chiming and ticking at different times, springing through the belly of a giant, tall grandfather clock. I trip over the hems of my dress in the room with a long table in the middle which appears to stretch on for miles in this long room. There are various tea sets, cups, and pots along with tea cakes and sweet treats placed in a perfectly chaotic mess on the table as the eyes of various animal heads stare at me from their places hanging on the walls.

As I shimmy through the small door leading to the room with the walls full of water and sea creatures from the ocean, I pause my panting and sputtering as I spot Mr. Jung Jaehyun with his back pressed up against the glass. He is moaning, panting himself, a masquerade mask dangling in his hand, legs wrapped around the waist of a tall man in a vest who is rolling his hips sensually into his. My eyes widen as I figure out what the two of them are doing quickly and avert my attention. My thighs rub together, a strange fire grows in my lower abdomen, and I know I shouldn’t be looking but there is nothing but pure bliss on Mr. Jung’s face.

I can’t stop, I remind myself as my feet continue to carry me through the rooms I know so well.

Slinking away across a far wall full of lobsters without being caught, I hear Mr. Jung Jaehyun mewl one singular name, “Johnny!” I want to turn around, catch my “future” husband's side profile as he makes love to another man, confirm it’s him, but my mind flashes back to meeting Jaehyun for the first (and only) time and how they touched each other so fondly. Jungkook’s words ring in my words as I hear laughing coming from beyond the rooms filled with tanks and gilled beasts.

Keep going. I can make it out of this place from my nightmares.

The next room is filled with more people, though it’s hazy at best in here. There are giant hookah pipes in the middle of floor cushions, people with and without masks on touching each other so unabashedly, some naked, half-nude, or still in their ball gowns all laying over each other in a pleasure-filled party I was slightly jealous I haven’t been invited to.

“Ms. Y/L/N?” A deep yet clear baritone purrs over the sounds of jazz music and groans of love-making. I turn my head to his voice, feet skidding to a halt as I look at Mr. Kim Namjoon in his half-naked glory, navy blue silk robe hanging off his shoulders exposing a lovely chest, half-lidded eyes tracing my form like I am a piece of delicate meat he wishes to indulge in. “What are you doing without your mask?” He snaps his fingers, chuckling lightly as he takes another drag of his long silver pipe. “Twins, get her a mask!”

“Where am I?” I query as I feel the presence of two figures slowly approaching me out of the dim haze. “Who are you people?” It feels wrong to be here, to witness this. It doesn’t feel right. I feel out of place and my body is begging me to run and my legs tremble like a fawn.

His brows furrow as he takes the tube out of his mouth, blowing smoke rings in my face. “Who are you to question me, Y/N?” He snickers as the “twins” catch my arms, placing a mask over my face as I struggle. “You are but another “Alice” to me. Take her to the ball, you two. The rabbit and the hatter are dying to see her, I’m sure.” They tie the mask around me successfully, leading me out of this room into the next one which I know is the one where the floor is a giant chess board.

“Please,” I plead with the good looking twins who march on like the loyal soldiers to this strange cause, “what is all this?” The music and the chatter and maniacal laughing is growing louder as we prance down the hallway with portraits of people who are dressed in all white and all red. “I just want to know…”

“Suppose we ought to tell her?” The taller of the two says after a moment of silence between the three of us.

“Suppose we ought not to.” The shorter one shakes his head as he carries on in the quest to take me somewhere. “Boss will be mad.”

“You are to be the belle of the ball.” The taller one says with a viscous boxy grin.

“The new “Alice”.” The short one with fluffy lips nods this time.

“Everyone keeps saying that, but I don’t know what it means?” I say as I hold my breath, about to waltz into the strange chess-board-like room.

“The most beautiful, wonderful, talented, special, magical-” The taller twin rambles on.

“The most perfect woman at The Wonderland Ball is called “Alice” until the next one.” The shorter one states softly as he inhales a giant breath. They both let me go, pushing me forward as the drapery of the simple heart-patterned curtain gives way and I am standing at the top of a grand staircase while hundreds of people from below all gasp and stare up at me.

As soon as I regain my footing a spotlight hits me and causes me to shield me eyes away from the bright light bearing down upon me. The upbeat music falls silent and I am acutely aware that I am standing here in my loungewear and not properly dressed to be at the forefront of attention this evening.

“And now the moment you’ve all been waiting for!” The voice that makes my hair stand up on end purrs as his lush lips soothe the microphone on the little stage they’ve set up for the jazz band to play on. Kim Seokjin, my eyes lock with his which dance with mischief, his smile greedy, dressed to the nines in a rich green suit. “The crowning of the belle of the ball, the apple of all our eyes, the one that shines brighter than anyone in the picture shows, Ms. Y/N Y/L/N!”

A roar of cheering, clapping, and brass music erupts as a white haired-man with a stretched, gummy smile that doesn’t fade takes my hand and leads me down the black and white staircase. The noises seemingly die in my ears as the man on my arm says nothing, grins like a cat about to catch a mouse in its claws. Time slows, people moving and waving at me become a blur as I see who is waiting at the bottom of the staircase.

Mr. Jeon Jungkook.

The man on my arm notices how tense I am and he ever so slightly turns his head and says to me in a deep voice, “They are not going to harm you. Jungkook is infatuated with you.” My cheeks heat up. “Seokjin is helping him accomplish his dreams because he signed his life away to the servitude of others for as long as he shall live.”

“Signed his life away?” I breathe, eyes never leaving Jungkook in a white waistcoat.

“You can’t get something for free in this world.” The cat-like man growls as we are almost there. “You’ve heard of an eye for an eye, correct?” I node slightly. “A soul of servitude so he can produce strange magic, according to him and the Red Witch of Underland.”

My heart nearly stops realizing what has happened. “The devil?”

“Bingo, babe.” The cat-man chuckles a deep rasp, sliding his arm away from mine. “Have fun.”

“Now you kids have fun chasing rabbits!” Seokjin’s voice crackles through the microphone. “Everyone, enjoy the last few hours of the wonderland ball!” More hooting and hollering echoes in the building as I am exchanged into Jungkook’s strong arms.

“I thought you’d never make it.” He smiles from under his white mask at me. He takes my hand and leads me to be embraced on the dance floor. Seokjin smirks at us as he begins to sing a popular pop song everyone swoons at.

“Would you like to tell me what this is all about?” I query with a sneer on my lips. “Why am I here? Why have you poisoned me?”

“I have not nor would I ever harm you.” Jungkook grips my waist tighter. “I merely gave you a strong sedative so that I could bring you to our wonderful palace.”

“Why?” I question as he twirls me around his outstretched arm.

“Because from the moment I bumped into you, you have been the only thing consuming my mind.” He earnestly tells me, sorrow coating his eyes. “I’m not sure what trap Johnny has ensnared or tricked you in but I very much hate seeing him lock you away from the world.”

“You’re wrong.” I state angrily, glaring at him.

“He doesn’t care about you. He likes to frolic about with diplomats’ sons, not farmers’ daughters.” Jungkook smiles at me.

“That’s not true…” I mumble, my eyes looking away from his red-rimmed ones boring down upon me. “I-I am marrying Jonathan for my own personal reasons.”

“Oh, ho?” Jungkook softly chuckles, leaning over, turning my gaze back to him as he gently caresses my cheek. “Do you really believe that, darling?”

“I do...I do! I-I came here willingly.” I tremble, my facade I’ve been trying to convince myself of this whole time crackling under the pressure of his words. “I l-love…” My words linger as I look beyond Jungkook, looking up to see, “...Jonathan…” walking toward myself in the middle of the dance floor.

“Jeon!” Jonathan says, Mr. Jung Jaehyun trailing behind him, eyes wide and scared when they find mine. The male in the waistcoat holding me turns his head to the noise, the brass music climaxing, the gasps of people Jonathan is stepping between couples dancing in the soft electric light from above - I feel like my heart is going to burst. My future husband pulls his arm back, fists clenched, ready to hurt Jungkook, and with an exhale I close my eyes fearing the worst was about to ensue.

The electric lights in the strange ballroom give out in the same second.

People scream all around me, a loud thud is heard and I feel like something unexpected is about to occur, the atmosphere heavy and full of invisible pressure.

“Release the jabberwocky!” A voice echoes as chaos ensues.

“Come with me.” A voice purrs, ripping me away from Jungkook’s arms. I feel almost empty as shouting and yelling break out in the middle of the dance floor. “I will protect you, Y/N, my crown jewel.” My stomach pits hearing him say my name, tickling my ear like the serpent that led Eve to eat the apple of her demise.

Kim Seokjin.

With a snap of his fingers, we are back in the room I started out this evening in and where my dreams always have me end at. I land on the bed in a huff and he ends up sitting upon the swing, looking at me with a triumphant smirk on his luscious lips. There is a certain air about him now that doesn’t seem so threatening, so serious now for some reason. Perhaps it’s him sitting upon the swing like that of a child? I haven’t the slightest clue.

“Where am I?” I demand, glowering at Seokjin from across the way.

“Curiosity often leads to trouble, my dearest Y/N.” Seokjin chuckles darkly, eyes roaming my body, a knowing look on his features. “I think before your marriage you are looking for a little trouble, if you catch my drift.”

Trouble…

My mind completely spirals remembering the scenes of people entangled with one another, their mouths working in tandem with each other, their slippery pink tongues entwined in a passionate battle for dominance. Mr. Jung Jaehyun’s face twisted in pleasure, moaning and mewling as his lover - my future husband - was thrusting vigorously.

A lightbulb finally goes off in my head.

“You want me to give into you both then my dreams will end?” My voice shakes as I query to Seokjin who continues to lightly push back and forth on the swing. “Then you will let me leave?”

His eyes flicker with a hungry vigor to them, gleaming in the dim candlelight. “Precisely.” His soft voice cuts the atmosphere like a sharp blade, leaving me with a chill radiating down my spine. “Let’s have some fun, “Alice”.”

“As long as you promise I am to be set free from all of...this.” I gesture around the room as he makes a come hither motion with his fingers at me.

“You have my word.”

Somehow, I don’t believe him, but I am desperate for any way out of this wretched place I can find.

So, I will use the body I was blessed with to the fullest extent.

I am a loyal woman. I step toward the man on the swing, my hands coming up to the ties around my chest and my waist. His eyes spark with a ravenous hunger in the depths of his orbs. I know that I am not doing a decent thing. Seokjin snaps his fingers again, all his clothes disappearing but his green top hat, vanishing before my very eyes. I know I am more than what I am succumbing to right now. But my stomach does feel hot and my thighs rubbing together is making me feel faint for some reason. My garments fall to the floor in a soft patting sound and I lose my breath in the same moment.

Don’t tell me I actually want this…?

I stand in front of him on the swing and I can’t help but bite my lip as my eyes roam his pale figure, tracing down his collarbones to his sculpted abdominal muscles he has been hiding. Did he sell his soul to the devil to become handsome too I wonder?

“So beautiful.” He revels looking at me unabashed, a wolfish grin spreading across his pretty face. Part of me wants him to touch me, to caress the underside of my breast, to trace the outline of my hips with his fingertips, but he doesn not.

I have to remind myself this isn’t for me. This is for the man that has been tormenting me.

“Get me ready for you.” Seokjin commands, smirk still spread across his face. I comply, dropping to my knees to be faced with a large member swinging forth from the middle of his legs on the swing. “And you will address me as “Sir”, understand?”

“Yes, sir.” I respond, biting my lip as I look from his eyes to his member once more.

“Suck.” He chuckles lightly, pointing to his middle and I can’t help but follow this simple instruction.

I don’t tease him, though I’m not really sure I know what I am doing in the first place. I swirl the flat of my tongue over his mushroom-tipped head several times. He moans in response, his hands coming off the swing’s ropes to hold my hair from my face as I swallow him further down my wet cavity. My middle aches and pulses, empty, missing something as I steady myself against Seokjin’s thighs.

“Good little girl.” Seokjin hums, his sound voice making me feel appreciated. The sound vibrating through to my own middle, making me groan around him.

I bob my head up and down his long length, enjoying the way he hums and gasps in response to my efforts. It’s a little hard to breathe I think as I continue my pace, nose hitting Seokjin’s pubic bone, smelling the most intimate part of him.

My dominant hand grabs his member at the base, working him in tandem with my mouth. Up and down his thick member I go, reveling in every twitch and rumble that flies out of his throat. The swing starts to sway with my rhythmic movements, bobbing him back and forth with vigor, tears climb to my eyes. The tip of him hits the back of my mouth, making me gag and choke on his wonderful cock. The heat was pooling in the middle of my stomach and I fear I am going to lose my mind. I pick up the motions of my mouth and hand, tears skating down my pinkened cheeks, his grip tightening around the base of my skull, digging into my scalp.

It burns… But, I also enjoy it. This feeling...so wet and tight and I feel so evil and sinful but the pleasure is driving me mad.

“Baby girl.” There’s warning in his tone as I pop off his cock in an instant, looking up to him with big worried eyes. His head was leaned back, not focused on looking directly at myself, but the feeling of my lips and fingertips. “Up.” He commands once more, head twisting back to a comfortable position to stare at me.

I scramble to my feet, missing the feeling of him in my mouth already, not to mention aching for him in the middle of my legs. I rub my thighs together for some easy friction, knowing that it won’t help me much at this point.

Seokjin moves his hand to stroke against his giant member in his palm and I lock my orbs in place on the slit of his cock where a clear liquid was oozing out. My mind is truly hazy at best, as I just stand there and watch him stroke himself up and down in a lazy fashion. I bite my lip once more.

I do want this. I am almost ashamed to admit that I want this man.

“Are you going to be good and let me use you?” Seokjin’s dirty words make my middle pool and contort with more of a raging fire.

“Y-Yes, sir.” I say again, cheeks hot and damp from sucking his cock moments ago.

His nostrils flare, his cock twitches in his grasp as he motions to sit upon his middle. “I bet you’re so wet for me.” He chuckles, smile darkening with his words.

Seokjin eases me down on his thick member, my hole so wet, so slick, allowing him to stretch my clenching walls in an easy motion. I gasp, eyes popping out of my head. My nails dig into his shoulder blades, back arching with his giant, twitching dick tight inside of me. I wrap my legs around his lean waist, his pale skin flexing in the candlelight with his movements as he stills, letting my hips sink down into the base of his cock.

“Baby girl.” Seokjin purrs, breath tickling my ear as he throbs inside of me. “I need you.” He growls, littering the crook of my neck with sloppy kisses. He positions us just so on the swing, readying us to begin when he deems necessary.

“P-Please use me, s-sir-r!” I mumble in the base of his neck, feeling high on this pleasure-filled pain.

“I live to serve.”

I gasp as he starts moving his hips inside of my center, bucking up into my body with a fevered pace instantly. The swing moves back and forth and I feel like the motion is going to make me feel his body sliding in and out of me too well. I cling to him for dear life, my grip surely bruising him or harming him in some way as he slides in and out of my slicked out center at a brutal rhythm.

Tears find my eyes again as he nips at my neck, marking me up with tender love bites. I’m a howling, moaning mess, losing my sanity. I am finally full of Seokjin’s girth, filling me up beyond desire.

Seokjin kisses my lips then in his, melting our mouths together in a hurry. He holds my face in his palms, grunting and groaning for me, and only me. His tongue enters my mouth in search of something unknown, moaning into my lips laced together with his hot mouth connected with my pink tongue. He rolls his saliva coated tongue into mine in haste, need seeping into my senses, consuming my thoughts as he thrusts up in me, using the swing as a propellant to ease us forward and backward.

“Feels...so-o..good~!” I moan in between our passionate kisses.

Seokjin just growls like a feral animal in response. The tip of his cock kisses my cervix continuously, brushing past a spot inside of me that instantly makes me quake. He rockets himself against me, rutting his body against my core in sync with his hips slamming into mine. Seokjin expels filth from his mouth about filling me to the brim with his seed, seeing my stomach swollen and full of his children, his warm breath hitting my ear making me shudder in response.

I can’t focus, my climax getting ready to pop at any moment. Wet noises fill the dark room, as Seokjin’s rough speed of his length in and out of my molten, wet center continues. My erect nipples swirl on his pale chest, circling quickly as he bounces me up and down his giant cock, swinging through the air like some sexual trapeze artist.

“Are you going to be good to me?” He asks me, smirk present in his tone, pace almost blinding now as he pushes in and out of me with a need so heavy and strong I can practically smell it rising from his skin. “Are you going to let me fill you up, my little doll?” Seokjin snarls into my skin.

“Pleaseeeee!” I practically scream, eyes flying open as he hits my center at just the right spot that makes me see white.

“Ah-ah!” He tsks. “What do we say?”

“Please, sir!” I mewl and gasp, thighs quaking in his hold, my juices squelching out of me as he continues to thrust into my sensitive molten core. “Seokjin!” I cry while he growls into the scorching skin of my neck inhaling sharply as he slams his hips into my shivering body. “Sir!”

Seokjin grunts, cock spurting his seed into me with a need so raw, so feral he finds his footing hard to maintain on the swing, stilling us from moving about, holding my hips tightly down upon him. He sucks harshly on my skin as he too shudders and grunts, biting down on the crook of my neck, stretching my clenching walls around his member as he fills me with his hot white seed.

My cries of pleasure fill the small room, my pleasure-filled haze coming to a close as Seokjin shifts us - still joined together - to the bed in the middle of the room. I hold onto Seokjin as he keeps his seed inside of me, feeling like I just had the ride of my life on top of him. My climax dies down, my first high fading away, fog around my brain being lifted temporarily as my nails rake over shoulders I’ve definitely marked up.

A cool, damp towel appears with a wave of his arms, stroking my middle with it delicately cleaning up the mess I’ve made. “How does it feel to be connected with the devil?” Seokjin sneers as he pulls out of me, making my center ache and twitch for him.

My eyes grow wide and my lips part but before I can say anything Jungkook bursts in the room.

“Am I late?” Jungkook pants as he looks awestruck by me on the bed.

“For a very important date.” I gaze back to Seokjin who is now fully dressed, smirking that soft, playful smile like he usually does at Mr. Jeon. “Don’t worry, I was just getting her ready for you, Jungkookie.”

Jungkook eyes him with narrowed orbs, but buys the lie Seokjin is selling and proceeds to strip himself of his white waistcoat. “What is on the menu tonight?” His red-rimmed irises bore into mine and I feel self-conscious suddenly. He circles the bed in the manner like that of a wolf would as he finishes stripping himself of any dressy garments, though his slacks remain on.

“The one you most desire out of everything in this world.” Seokjin purrs, stepping up to take his seat on his pedestal high above us.

Is he going to watch us?

“Fuck,” Jungkook growls, dropping to his knees in front of the bed suddenly. He pulls me closer to him by my ankles, throwing my thighs apart so my center is exposed to him in the rawest form. He stares at my glistening middle as I try to close my legs with a little, pathetic whimper.

“Don’t.” The rabbit-like man moans wantonly, holding onto my ankles loosely. “Fuck, you’re so beautiful, you know that, right?” His hands glide up my thighs achingly slow, holding me in pace for his eyes to ravage as they please.

The fire in my lower stomach has returned, hungry and ready to go for more.

His warm fingertips make it to my inner thighs, kneading the flesh there tenderly, so close to my throbbing core that I almost beg him with a cry to dip down into me, but I refrain, hanging on to every trace or brush of his hands against my scorching flesh.

“What do you want, my darling?” He groans into my inner thigh, lips ghosting my sensitive flesh there, inching closer to my heated skin with his upper body.

“Please.” I finally ask, begging, almost choking out the word, forgetting Seokjin watching us from above.

His dominant hand finally finds my nether lips, tracing them up and down with his two longest fingers but not exactly touching me where I am aching quite yet. “Please what?” He teases, stroking me up and down slowly, holding his feral gaze in mine, amber eyes seemingly on fire.

“Please, Jungko-“

He slaps my middle with little force or malice behind it, but I jolt, mewling aloud, wanting him to secretly do it again.

Jungkook goes back to tracing my lips in the middle of my body, smug smirk seated on his devilishly handsome face. “You are so wet, darling.” He slaps me again, though this time I want it more than I’d actually care to admit.

“Jung-” I choke on my words.

He slaps me again, this time with slightly more force behind his fingertips. I hiss out a breath, staring at him with my mouth slightly ajar, brows turned up, looking down at him with half-lidded eyes already.

“I have to have a taste.” He kisses my inner thigh as he slowly traces his thumb over my slicked out folds.

I let out a wanton cry as he hums into my thighs, growling low and deep. I swear there’s a smile in his voice as he works with his mouth and fingertip in tandem. “Mine.” He breathes, sucking on the sensitive flesh of my innermost thigh, marking me with a throaty growl.

“J-Jungkook..!”

I am a mess. I let loose a series of pants, breathless moans as he works my coil in the pit of my stomach tighter with every brush or groan he grants my hot body. I am melting under Jungkook’s touch, my body feeling sticky, arousal dripping from my middle while he circles my delicate clit.

His thumb was increasing his pace of gliding over my bundle of nerves, still slow, still making my breathing become erratic, but the desire for Jungkook to do more was driving me insane. I’ve had a taste of sex and look at me wanting more. I didn’t know if I could be in the position to ask for more. But I wanted him to place those perfect, beautiful sinful lips on my molten core. Jungkook’s breath fans over my middle as he continues to stroke me down there.

I miss the twitch confined to the middle of his pants from the man watching us from above with eager need.

As if sensing my need, his tongue swipes a slow stripe through my folds, the cool of his muscle against my exposed center making me black out for a moment, the sensation far too much for me to bear with right now. His snort of laughter brings me back to reality as he swirls his pink tongue at my empty entrance.

Jungkook laps at my folds as if he is a starved man, hungry, desperate for his next meal. I keen, gripping onto the base of his golden torso as laps at me. I’d think grounding myself on top of Jungkook’s head would make me saner, gripping his strands of hair as he goes to town in my middle. But really, it makes me feel completely mad, like I’ve gone insane.

The feral, untamed animal-like noises that escape his throat drive me absolutely wild, my skin on fire with need and want. My nails cling to his scalp, dragging him closer to my middle as he ravages my core. He maneuvers his two longest fingers through the glossy slick, lubing his digits to breach my entrance.

“Jungkook!” I gasp, choking on my words as he makes a come hither motion with his fingers, splitting my velvet walls to open for him.

Jungkook swirls his tongue over my little pearl of sensitive nerves, lapping and sucking my flesh like he's never eaten a thing in his life. He continues his very audible growling and moaning, husk in his voice incredibly thick.

“Let go, baby.” He coos into my middle as I jolt and shake, his digits brushing past the most delicious spot deep inside of my clenching walls. “Give me your release.”

His words finally tip me over the edge.

I tighten my hold on him, gritting my teeth in the process. My head falls backward on the sheets, eyes screwed closed as Jungkook slurps every inch of my middle clean, not leaving anything to go to waste.

“Kookie,” I sputter out, the feeling of his tongue and fingers becoming too much for me. “I-I’m c-c-cumming-!”

As I say the last of my words, the world comes undone around me for the second time today, my tight coil finally popping. Blinding white stars coat my vision for a second, my body shivering and shaking as I drip out onto the flat of Jungkook’s tongue.

He laps up my sensitive hole up with more snarls, more feral noises escaping his body. Tears flow down my face as I unhinge my nails from his silky blonde strands, trying to push him away from my overly sensitive flesh with pathetic mewls of protest escaping my throat.

More. My brian prompts me to continue to sate my undying lust burning inside of me. I need more.

“Jungkook,” I beg while his tongue still explores my throbbing hole, giving my sensitive skin rapt attention. “Jungkookie. Please. I c-can’t.” I tug at his blinde hair gently, trying to get him to stop teasing me with his tongue.

He doesn't stop and I can only think of one thing to ask before I lose my damn mind with him between my thighs.

“Jungkook.” I shudder, high building up once more. “Please fuck me.”

Everything in the room stills, the only sound heard was our heavy breathing.

He looks up from my sensitive core, brows knit together as he looks into my eyes with such a passionate gaze of uncertainty. My juices were coating the bottom half of his face, his blonde hair is in a state of disarray, as he proceeds to slowly rise to his feet, looking over me on the bed.

“What?” He questions incredulously down at my fucked out form. Jungkook looks at me as if I am the most fragile thing in the world, as if I would burst into flames at any moment. “My darling, my love, there’s no going back if we-“

“I know.” I smirk up to the gorgeous gangster in all of the Windy City. “I want this too.”

His nostrils flare, his eyes widen, and his gaze softens. Jungkook looks down at me with something akin to lust, which makes my heart rate increase...

“Up.” He commands, raw husk pouring out of his tone as he starts to undo his pants, the zipper noise almost jarring in the quiet of the night.

I do as I’m told. I’ve fallen far down the rabbit hole now, I think as I shift on the bed. Standing was a little difficult as he’s just given me one of the best feelings I’ve ever had. I keep my eyes glued to Jungkook. His hands travel sensually down his tiny waist to his slacks he unbuttons. I am gasping, unable to take my eyes off the very beautiful sight of his thick cock bouncing, finally free from the confines of his dress pants. The tip was red and angry, a bead of precum adorning the slit of his mushroom-like head. He was long, girthy, and I want nothing more than it inside of myself at this very moment.

Jungkook grips the base of his cock with his hand while he steps out of his pants, giving his shaft a few pumps up and down while I watch with an open mouth.

“I’ve dreamt of this moment for so long.” He confesses softly, reaching for me with his free hand. I inch closer to him, gliding my hands over his defined body, admiring his lithe, yet sturdy frame. My fingers hungrily trace every ridge, every contour of his golden torso. Jungkook was so warm, so wonderful, and I am slightly kicking myself for not giving into him sooner. “To have you,” he continues, kissing up the side of my neck.

“Please.” I beg him again, eyes flickering back and forth between his.

“Turn around.” He leans in to kiss me with passionate need. His lips molding into mine as I cling to him for more. I taste my essence on his tongue which makes me whimper into his strong hold. “I’m going to fuck you now, my love.”

Again, I don’t need to be told twice as he guides me to where he wants me, bending me at the waist so my fingers dig into the unkept sheets below, my backside open and exposed to him.

“So pretty for me.” I hear the grin in his deep rumble. Jungkook slaps my bottom, granting him a hiss to escape my throat. I whine when he does it softly several more times, making my head soar.

I hear him spit before I feel the extra saliva lubricant coat my backside, the cool of his juices combined with mine was driving me up a wall.

“Jungkook!” I gasp.

He groans when I call for him, pushing his fat head of a cock at my aching, empty hole, wanting him to finally join the two of us.

“Darling,” he sounds like he’s straining to hold back. “Baby, please, fuck!” He grunts, splitting my walls inch by agonizingly slowly. I moan as he stretches me wide, entering me like he owns me.

He thrusts inside of me all the way with one snap of his hips suddenly. A cry leaves my lips along with a strangled one from the man inside of me. My eyes widen as I realize that he’s not going to go easy on me tonight, he’s going to fuck me on his terms. I was in for a wild ride this evening.

Jungkook leans the front of himself over my sticky back, pressing our heated flesh together more, growling to the outside shell of my ear, nipping the flesh under my lobe while sliding in and out of me with a brutal pace he’s set.

“Baby…” he moans in my ear, the deep purr vibrating throughout his body making my breathing hitch and sob. His hips snapping into mine with a rhythm, I swear, no human man could ever achieve. Liquid was flowing down my eyes as the push and pull of Jungkook slamming his giant cock into my velvet folds repeatedly already had me tearing the sheets in two with my nails.

“Jung! Ah! Kook!”

Seokjin glides his hand over his cock from above the bed, matching the rhythm Jungkook’s hips produce, enjoying the wonderful show.

I gasp this over and over like a prayer falling from my lips. My eyes are squeezed shut, my body hot with the raw purpose to feel Jugnkook inside of my heated center. His cock pushes in and out of me at a fevered pace, making my vision blur, seeing far too many white stars.

My brain is fuzzy as he hits the spot inside of me that blinds me, pleasure swimming in my veins. My third climax was surely on the way.

“Baby,” Jungkook grunts, one of his arms snaking up my torso, his long fingers finding one of my bouncing breasts. He starts pinching my erect nipple, holding on to me tighter as we slide back and forth off of one another.

My coil was wound so tight, I don’t know if I’d be able to last much longer. Especially not with Jungkook’s fingers attaching to my hardened nipple, his lips to the crook of my neck, and his cock slamming in and out of my clenching middle with a fevered need.

He bucks into me faster, my walls clamping down on him, my coil about to pop, about to burst forth again. I can’t hold myself up any longer, my legs shaking violently. My knuckles are turning white with how hard I am clawing at the heart patterned sheets.

“Jungkook! I-“ I mewl, but I don’t get to finish my thought.

In a split second, Jungkook pulls out of my middle, flipping me over and letting me fall onto my back so I could be face to face with him. Jungkook climbs on top of me quickly, wanting to resume his feverish pace immediately, hunger and need in his amber gaze. He settles between my legs, pushing himself back into my slicked out center easily, restarting from where he last left off.

I gasp when he enters me, clinging to his shoulders, holding him while the lewd squelching noises in the room continue to grow, faster, louder. He grips onto my hips, guiding me at a blinding speed I didn’t know he could achieve. Is he a victim of the devil as well?

Sweat was pouring off our bodies, my brain unable to produce a sane thought as he grunts and moans my name, his red orbs never leaving my face as he rockets his cock into my folds like it was his job.

It happens again, the very right feeling deep inside of my body, the one that makes me grit my teeth, that makes me see hundreds of tiny white stars.

“Jung! Kook~!” I scream into the quiet room, tears flowing from my hues as I card my fingers through his blonde strands, trying to make a purchase on his roots.

My hands travel down his backside as he snarls, “I’m going to make you my wife! Not some wannabe from the Northside!” Jungkook huffs, his movements slowing down, one of his thumbs finding my folds again, circling my aching clit in hurry - a stark contrast to earlier. “I’m going to claim you as my own.”

Seokjin smiles like he’s just won the lottery, masturbating to the sight of both his clients intertwined, fucking onto each other with unbridled lust. He comes then watching his new toy’s back arch, breasts in the air, Jungkook’s frame pounding into her with hungry trepidation.

I grab onto the ample flesh of his bottom, feeling the world come tumbling around myself once more. Letting my body shake and quake on top of the sheets, my third orgasm taking me by force. I feel complete - feel whole for some reason. I am so completely taken aback with the storm rippling through my body in pleasureful tremors, one right after the other, I cannot even begin to breathe properly.

He lets a feral snarl rip through his body as he pumps into my leaking middle a few more times, my whole being consumed by Jungkook. He leans over me, sucking my neck colors of purples and dark reds and I scream as his cock swells inside of my velvet walls, releasing his own essence into my womb, holding him there like a vice grip as he spurts his seed deep inside of me.

Once our highs come to a close, I run my fingers through his hair, his throbbing cock still joined inside of my middle. We both pant, holding the other for dear life, finally together, and fulfilled with one other. Jungkook kisses along my jaw, moaning my name, telling me what an amazing baby doll I am as his cock finally softens inside of my aching cunt.

“Bravo.” Seokjin claps as he walks down the wooden stairs. “You both did very well!” He chuckles darkly. I squeak in surprise. I forgot he was there and I scramble to cover myself with the soiled sheets.

“Okay, Kim,” Jungkook says as he kisses my nose, pulling out and picking up my clothes and handing them to me. He dresses in his undergarments and dress pants quickly, buttoning them up as he turns to the man all in green. “You had your show.” I listen as I dress myself with haste, back turned to the two men. “I’ve done everything you’ve asked: invested the money overseas, gotten rid of the competition and family in this lovely city, got you a new “Alice”, and even let you watch us play ball. I think it’s time to set us free.”

“Yes,” the mad man snickers, darkness clouding his tone, “you both have served me well. But nobody is leaving my perfectly curated speakeasy.”

I turn around and my heart is dropping to the floor. Shock is written all over Jungkook’s face as I clench my jaw in guilt.

“But, I’m afraid you both made a deal with me, and I don’t give up my new toys so easily.” Seokjin caresses Jungkook’s face in his pale hand, while holding my gaze with a sense of gentle anger. “You can’t always get what you want. But hey, look on the bright side: at least you have each other.”

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A/N: I hope you all enjoyed this trip down the rabbit hole! Likes and reblogs are very much appreciated!

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