#this is the gayest photo to ever exist

[wheresmulder]

Really weird that E.R. and I have the same boyfriend actually 🤔

Boyfriend reveal

[rassicas]

Hello Rassicas.

I am working on a video about Nintendo’s lgbtq characters. Of course when it comes to splatoon, there’s a certain duo that comes to mind, off the hook.

The problem I’ve been having is that it seems a lot of the information, wether that be the English/japanese bits of dialogue, interviews and other bits of lore, seems to be completely scattered around.

Considering you describe yourself as the “CEO of splatoon lore” I was wondering if you could help me compile any bits and pieces of those two gay cephalopods.

(My apologies if this is moreso something I should be asking in dms instead)

i think the ask box is a good place for this, i'm not as hardcore of a shipper as other people are (more of a worldbuilding enjoyer), but i know there is so much and I don't wanna dig for all of it. I'll share a few off the top of my head. pearlina fans reading this, please feel free to share anything else in the replies/reblogs. 1. Pearl interview from Octotune: its on my mind since i just brought it up in a previous ask I think the artwork in this interview has the strongest implication that pearl and marina live together. Also the question: Q17: What is the best gift you have ever received? Pearl: The chance to meet Marina. 2. Marina's manga, "Dear Pearl". a manga that, in-universe, is drawn by marina.

genuinely i think this is one of the gayest things there is in canon like theres hearts in that LOVE letter thats directed towards pearl COME ON (i consider it canon as its drawn by seita inoue, who handles splatoon's art direction and a lot of lore/worldbuilding). you can read it here

3. Marina's tagline on Splatoon Base calls her a 恋する乙女 "young lady in love". the word for 'to love' (恋する) is specifically romantic.

4. Off the Hook didn't fight against each other in the s2 final splatfest like the Squid Sisters did because they're on such good terms with each other.

I’ve heard people saying that since the final fest for the last game was a showdown between the Squid Sisters, this time it was bound to be between Off the Hook.

Nogami: I think that’s probably the obvious conclusion, but the development team don’t actually want those two to attack one another. Since the Squid Sisters have their own talents and abilities, even though they are a duo they are also kind of rivals, so we thought we would pit them against each other. Off the Hook, though, are much more of a unit and on good terms with one another, so we didn’t want to force them to fight.

5. Marina has a photo of pearl as her desktop wallpaper. the framing of the photo very much looks romantic and intimate. there is no heterosexual explanation for this

i'll stop here, there's definitely more and I don't wanna be here for hours. I haven't even touched on any in game dialogue. again guys feel free to make additions to this with sources. is there a pearlina masterdoc or something LOL i feel like thats something that deserves to exist (someone please make it because i wont)

[luciferfemme]

LESBIAN ASKS: the SHE-QUEL (messy edition?)

What are some real thoughts about the community that you don’t always feel like you can say?

Are you a messy dyke (relationship-wise or friendship-wise?)

Are you a UHaul Lesbian? If so is this something you like or dislike about yourself?

Do you fall in love easily?

Do you enjoy casual sex?

Have you ever fallen for a best friend?

Have you ever fallen for a straight girl?

Whose aesthetic would you like to steal?

At one Tumblr user and tell them something nice

Do you think you could be happy alone?

Do you like tacky things?

How has your style and taste changed since you came out?

Have you ever dated a man and what was that experience like?

Tell me about your significant other. Now’s your time to gush.

Have you ever had a best friend that you HATED their partner? Did you tell them?

Do you think you have good taste in partners? (Be Honest)

Do you feel comfortable around straight people?

What’s your favorite part about pride?

What’s the gayest thing you’ve ever done (that isn’t like actually “gay”?)

Who is your role model?

What is your relationship like with your parent(s)?

Did you lose friends coming out?

Tell me a gay secret.

What advice would you give to those just coming out (baby gays?)

If you could excommunicate one LGBTQIA+ person from the community who would it be and why?

What is your favorite part about being a lesbian (and you can’t just say, women)

What is your favorite line of Sapphic poetry (not necessarily written by Sappho herself just in general)

What was your Aha moment regarding your sexuality?

What was a sign you should have recognized sooner that you were gay?

Did you have any celebrity crushes growing up? 

Tell me your idea of the most romantic date you could imagine? Have you ever been on it?

What’s your favorite lesbian joke (you cannot say yourself)

What is your favorite lesbian love story (real or fiction)

Who do you most admire?

Write a love letter without using the words love, beautiful, or handsome

What is a piece of media you wish existed but doesn’t?

We all have terrible opinions sometimes, what’s something you had a bad opinion about but you’ve grown on?

Have you told yourself you are fabulous, beautiful, handsome, lovable, worthy today?

Tell me about your bestie

At someone on Tumblr and tell me your favorite thing about them.

At someone on Tumblr and describe their style without using the word -core.

How do you feel about the word dyke?

Could you fall in love with someone from the internet who didn’t leave near you? Have you?

Tell me about an embarrassing story regarding love or relationships

What’s one thing you wish people understood about lesbians?

How would you describe your own style (without using the word -core)

How do you really feel about Valentine’s Day?

Favorite ally?

If you could only pick one item of clothing/makeup/footwear/jewelry to wear forever from the items you already own what would it be and why? (Bonus points if you include a photo)

What gives you absolute joy as a lesbian?

Say something nice about yourself.

If not on anon say something nice about the person who sent you this ask.

Do you enjoy Pride?

What is your type?

What are you looking for in a partner?

If you could manifest one thing for yourself this year what would it be?

Who makes you feel joy?

How do you feel about the lesbian flag?

What is your favorite color combination?

What creature do you align yourself with? (Vampires, werewolves, witches, etc)

What would bring you joy at this moment?

What would "fix you"?

Who did you want to be when you grew up?

Do you ever want to get married if you're not already?

Are you a plant gay? Show off your plants or tell me about your favs.

What is your favorite fantasy (sexual or not)

Who comes to mind immediately when I say lesbian icon?

Who comes to mind immediately when I say lesbian trash?

Besides teleportation what's one superpower you think would make your life better and why?

[spaceprincessem]

i’m addicted to disastrous thinking | 7.5k buddie fic | ao3 

[or buck and eddie kiss in a photo booth, mutually pine, and finally get together exactly in that order]

“Okay,” Eddie says, eyes so beautifully brown and dark Buck is reminded of soil after it rains, and when he breathes he swears he can almost catch the sweet smell of petrichor, “maybe just a normal smiling one?”

Buck nods, a little unsure of what to do with his hands and arms and body when Eddie swings an arm over Buck’s shoulders, pulling him close. It’s automatic, really, for Buck to snake his around Eddie’s waist, the pads of his fingers pressing into skin where Eddie’s shirt has pulled up. He can see his blush, rosy pink and speckled across his face, and he ducks his head, smiling softly as he pulls his bottom lip between his teeth.

Click

His head quickly snaps up realizing he hadn’t actually smiled at the camera, but he almost wishes he hadn’t looked at all. The screen is still frozen on their last picture; Buck looking down, blushing and bashful, and Eddie looking at him with the sweetest smile Buck has ever seen on his best friend.

Eddie is looking at him like he’s in love with Buck too.

“I um — I messed up the last picture,” Buck stutters out as a loading screen appears, letting them know their pictures are printing.

“Did you?” Eddie frowns as he looks towards the camera. “I’m sure it’s fine.”

“One more round?” Buck asks hopefully, still intertwined around Eddie. 

He doesn’t want to let go. He wants to hold onto Eddie for as long as he can. He wants to live in this moment and exist in this space where he and Eddie are the only thing that matters. Where Buck can pretend that their stars and planets have aligned in perfect orbit.

“Sure,” Eddie says, eyes twinkling with amusement.

They both lean forward, bumping into each other as they fumble to press the button. Eddie’s forehead hits Buck’s ear and they both kind of half collapse into each other laughing. Buck’s not even sure they’ve managed to start the camera at all. They’re more entangled now and so so close as they sit back up. Both of Buck’s hands are resting on Eddie’s waist, while one of Eddie’s hands lightly grips Buck’s neck. Their laughter quietly dies off as baby blue meets honey brown. Buck tilts his chin slightly up, gaze immediately falling to Eddie’s lips. Eddie’s thumb dips beneath his sweater, sweeping over his skin soothingly.

Click

Buck watches as Eddie’s lips part and his heart beats so hard against his ribcage he’s pretty sure it’s fit to burst any second now just so it can bury itself in the one place it’s always belonged. 

Before he can think to do anything else Eddie’s grip on him tightens for a brief moment and suddenly Eddie is kissing him. It’s a soft, sweet thing, their lips pressing together as their noses brush.

aka the long awaited photo booth fic

read the rest on ao3

tagging those who were interested @alyxmastershipper @sibylsleaves @shortsighted-owl @elvensorceress @mysteriouslyyounggalaxy @buddierights @loveyourownsmiilee @mumucow @spotsandsocks @colonoscopys @babytrapperdiaz @cowboy-buddie @ebdaydreamer @the-gayest-wug @thekristen999 @heartbeatdiaz if i forgot you please forgive me my brain is not firing on all cylinders

[formulapookie]

https://www.tumblr.com/formulapookie/753534576155033600/i-am-so-sorry-i-am-new-to-motogp-who-is

oh that last photo HE IS GAY

also the second one is so cute

YEAH THAT'S THE THING THEY LOOK SO GAY BUT

you have to consider they're italian men from Romagna

I do not think that there is one region with that much rainbow gang concentration, because yes Lombardia has Milano but it's one city, romagna is A WHOLE REGION (half region technically but...yeah)

and italian men, especially from there, especially during summer, are know to be the gayest to exist. We don't know why, but it's true, they become so girlypop the Pope has a stroke

Italian men tend to be more homoerotic during summer and this year most then ever because EUROS 2024

but yeah the second picture is just tooooooo cute

[prongsmydeer]

Ayesha Liveblogs Heartstopper S1

I will not lie to you have put off watching this show for so long because I thought it might hurt my feelings but I think I'm finally ready to put myself through it

I didn't realize we'd be starting this show with Charlie already in a clandestine relationship. Alright, diving right in

Call me crazy, but I think this guy who is causing Charlie's brain to create gentle cartoon leaves might be the guy he falls in love with:

"Still don't tell anyone about this." Heartwarming words from Secondary Love Interest Ben

"Why are you talking to me? I don't even know who you are." Ben, love, I think you're overcorrecting

Tao saying "Bro Dude Friends" in an American accent tickles me

God I remember not being allowed to have a phone at even at lunch in school. Dark Times

"What about your friends, have you talked to them about it? "They wouldn't get it." HAHAHA the one realistic teacher who deflects dating questions back to the teens

Immediately I like Tori. "Was he a knob?" is exactly the right question to ask

Charlie's imagined romantic cutaways are very fun

"Aren't I bit... small and weak to be a rugby player?" "We're just a school team, you know. It's not that serious." "So you're saying I am small and weak?" "No!" [Both laugh] I love Charlie's teasing streak with Nick, it's fun

"I don't just fall for any guy who's nice to me," said Charlie, as if he had not immediately fallen for Nick on the basis of them just saying hi to each other and having one conversation about ink stains

Genuinely I hope this rugby endeavour ends with Charlie making a bunch of friends and discovering a love of sport

Update from 1 montage later: I think it has!

Also I am immediately invested in Tao and Elle's relationship. They miss each other so much, it's very sweet

This episode took a really harsh and unexpected turn with Ben's reappearance. Bring back the rugby montage

"You have nothing to be sorry about." "Sorry." "You say sorry a lot. Don't say it." Thank God for Nick

"It was normal," said Nick, in a very convincing statement that no parent would find troubling

Nick said: Move over Charlie, I can also have a cartoonish dream sequence. Welcome to My Instagram-Induced Homophobia Fever Dream

Immediately I'm relating to Nick. I too get stressed out by watching other people type and have to put away my phone. Also it is becoming clearer and clearer that he's going to be the one who is slower to come to terms with his own feelings

"Thank you for being my supportive straight friend." HAHAH bold of Charlie to assume. But I get that it opens the door to that conversation

"And bisexual people exist." THANK YOU CHARLIE

"You know, when I was a teenager and had a crush on a straight boy, I just repressed it and suffered." Mr. Gay Teacher speaking to the real Teenage Experience LMAO

I love Elle making friends at her new school 💗 Not to stereotype but I do think girls are more welcoming as a social group

Nick has touched Charlie's hair one too many times today to be convincingly straight hahahah

"You seem much more yourself around [Charlie]." "Do I?" Oh, you're in it now, Nick

"Nick likes a girl," said Tao confidently, as if the 'girl' Nick's friends had been teasing him for texting was not Charlie

"You've befriended the school lesbians." GOOD FOR ELLE

Nick thinking about holding Charlie's hand but stopping himself. Sweet boy

"I don't think he's straight," said Tori, after witnessing one of the gayest goodbyes I've ever seen

Nick staring at his team photo like he can rugby away gay thoughts

HAHAHAH doing the "Am I gay" quiz and getting 62%. I am so Nick-coded. He is so me. Someone stop these Repressed Queer Blond British Boys from being so relatable hahaha

"Do you want to go to Harry's party? With me?" This is SO different to him inviting Imogen, who asked if she could come

I love that Tao's mum loves Elle so much she hugs her twice

"We don't want to make a big announcement or anything, but... just maybe not hide so much." I'm not sure which part of this interaction I liked the most, 1) Nick and Tara immediately establishing they weren't into each other 2) Tara telling Nick she is a lesbian, modelling a chill coming out and 3) Tara immediately giving Nick a sly look as soon as he mentions His Best Friend Charlie

Both cold and cool for Nick to tell Harry off for being homophobic at his own birthday party

Tao making Elle promise nothing will affect their friendship because he is clearly in love with her already LOL

Nick being visibly comforted by seeing happy queer people around him. Once again, relatable:

Very funny of the show to only NOW warn me of strobing effects, which have been bothering me for quite some minutes as I tried to get a screenshot of that scene LOL

"I'm dying." "It's cause you're old." To friends literally months older than you is honestly one of my favourite jokes

"You're just going to assume they're [the person I have a crush on] a she?" "....Are they not a girl?" "Um!" Nick has talked himself into a corner on this one

"Would you.... kiss someone who wasn't a girl?" "I don't know." "Would you kiss me?" "Yeah." I loooove this dialogue. Nick is uncertain about his sexuality, but not uncertain about Charlie

Nick said: The quiz was right! I AM at least 62% gay

Charlie immediately realizing he's got himself into another situationship with a guy who is definitely not ready to come out

Charlie's dad probably thinks he was bullied at the party but in fact it was actually Charlie being retraumatized in a slightly different way

"It's not that I didn't want to, you know [whispers] kiss you... I was just so confused. I've just been so, so confused." The immediate juxtaposition between Ben, who did not give a damn about Charlie's feelings through his sexuality crisis, and Nick, who not only apologized right away, but also is actively trying to explain how he's feeling to Charlie 🥺💘

Charlie is also representing a real group of people who are The Only Out Kid At School Whom All Other People Figuring Out That They're Some Type of Gay May Inevitably Direct Their Feelings

"A lot of gay people are good at sports, Charlie," said the Rugby Coach, slightly offended on behalf of all gay athletes

LMAO @ IMOGEN'S "I'm an ally" scene, I've seen it before

Also she really does give me second-hand embarrassment. Read the room girl!!!

Tao is so hostile to Nick undeservedly ghggghhgh Nick wasn't the one who threw the rugby ball but he did get pelted with it by Tao after

LMAO @ Darcy immediately clocking Nick and Charlie as a couple

"Why are the other team literal adult men?" Ah, a classic sports dilemma

"You've got some mud on your face though," said Nick, like the rest of both of them including his own face was not also covered in mud

HAHAHAHA Isaac also immediately clocking that they are sitting way too close and gazing too much to be just homies

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO NICKKKKKKKKKK YOU ARE FALLING INTO THE SAME BEN TRAP. BE BETTER! YOU ARE SEEING SOMEONE!!!!!!!!

I know he's just trying to be a good friend to Charlie and I don't know if it's Tao's hair and face but he's reminding me of someone I know (who had a lot of emotional issues) and it's giving me a bit of the heebie jeebies hahahah

"Do you like this girl?" "Well, um, her dog died." HAHAH NICK, this poor people-pleasing boy

"Tao, no, it's his birthday," Tao is a rough mix of incredibly loyal, moderately possessive of his friends and lacking in any social graces whatsoever

Also if Tao understood what was going on, he'd be TWICE as mad. It's growing more deserved by the minute

"I was going to say I'd send him a strongly-worded DM, but murder's fine too." Hahahahah Tao

I've never seen a more uncomfortable exchange of the words, "You're a good friend." LOL:

Even if this whole Imogen thing is still pretty messy, I give a lot of credit to Nick for telling Charlie about it and explaining the context as well as clarifying he was going to put an end to it before it happened

"I wish I'd met you when I was younger," said Nick, like 16 isn't still pretty young

"I really like you." "You like me?" "Yes, wasn't that obvious?" HAHAHAHA they're so silly, I love them ❤️

I love that Charlie and Nick are so into each other they can't help but have a bit of PDA everywhere they go

Elle said: You're not the only ones capable of cutesy animations for the friend you're secretly in love with, Charlie and Nick

Do you think Isaac's like, 'Damn, this is an above average amount of romantic tension for a bowling outing'

Props to Nick for immediately following through on his pre-date break-up with Imogen

"Mamma Mia." "We've seen that four times this year already." Nick continues to be extremely me-coded, including looking up the best LGBT movies nghghgnjg

I said this MOMENTS before he googled being bisexual after watching Pirates of the Carribean. INCREDIBLE

Darcy is VERY good at clocking people's romantic vibes (Elle and Tao edition)

"Do you wanna kiss? Would that help?" [Sarcastically] "Wow." "Just a suggestion." Charlie said: Sorry about your sexuality crisis, my love language is giving u a leetle kees on the lips

AWWWWWWWWWW I loooooove Nick finally having someone to talk through his sexuality feelings with outside of his boyfriend

"Kissing you is actually one of the things that made me realize I don't like kissing guys." "Okay, happy to help?" Nick 💖

Personally I LOVE the triple date and Meddling Gays Groupchat

Charlie is so blindingly smiley every time Nick acknowledges to someone that they're together it is the sweetest:

In fairness to Tao being the last to know, he is 1) The only one who actively dislikes Nick and 2) The only cishet person at the table

Must be rough for Tara to go from everyone only ever talking about how fit she is to all the crap of people thinking they're gonna catch lesbianism

It would've been VERY funny if they all got locked in the closet

"They all probably think I'm this like, gay nerd." "Well, you kind of are a gay nerd." Nick said: You're MY gay nerd, Charlie

"Oi, just look at him behind him. Like a little girl." Harry's got so many issues. He's literally in the same proximity to Ben, what's his problem?

"Quick question. What's it like being gay?" Not that EVERY homophobic character is secretly gay, but it does seem more and more like Harry is 🤨

"I'm not even gay. I just felt really sorry for you." Since ep 1, I have strongly been suspecting that Ben will be the one to out Nick and Charlie and I feel it even more strongly now that he has eyewitnessed their handholding

Also it does NOT bode well that this ep is called Bully

"[Charlie] has a friend who won't leave me alone," said Harry, as if he has not been the one pelting Tao and calling him names to deal with what is probably a little gay crush repressed deep under thirteen layers of stupid and mean

"None of us are being homophobic." I feel like people are now growing up in this weird era where people ARE still homophobic but unwilling to admit it because it's less acceptable. It's fucked up to have someone do something bigoted to you and say it's not. At least when someone's horrible upfront you are facing an enemy that's showing its face

I don't blame Nick for finally losing his cool. Also wild of Harry to pick a fight with someone who is obviously bigger than him

"Some of the rugby boys are nice." "Even they just... stood there." There comes a certain point where being able to associate yourself with bigoted people must mean that you are at best indifferent to the people they harm

"I think I know why he hasn't [told me]. He thinks I'll accidentally say something stupid and out Nick to all of Nick's mates. And obviously he cares more about Nick's feelings than he does about mine." SEVERAL THINGS, TAO. 1) IT IS OBVIOUS why he hasn't told you, it's because you have shown numerous times you don't like Nick. 2) Why the hell is OUTING THEM even on your list? 3) In a situation where you COULD accidentally out Nick, his feelings are OBJECTIVELY more important than yours! And 4) This possessiveness towards your friends is part of the problem!!!

"This is all your fault," said Tao, as if Charlie had forced him to fight with Harry instead of literally intervening upon it

I get that Tao's a teen and he's hurt Charlie's priorities are different and he's short-sighted but GOD take some personal responsibility

"He said he doesn't wanna talk to you." If Charlie ends up being the only one to apologize for this I'm gonna be SO mad

All other things aside, I'm glad Tao and Nick are bonding

I love how consistently useful it is that Charlie can run fast

"You don't get to make me feel like crap anymore just because you hate yourself." YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH CHARLIE

DOUBLE APOLOGY, AS WAS WARRANTED FOR THESE TWO:

The butterflies appearing on Tao's side so we know the feeling is mutual with Elle ahhhhhhhhhh

If Nick is leaving the rugby match to kiss his boyfriend, that is the FUNNIEST possible thing he could do, surely it could wait til after the match rather than mid-mandatory-sports day

The update is that he was desperate for a conversation, which seems more reasonable LMAO

"My life is way better because I met you." NIIIIICK 😭❤️

Charlie is really coming into his own today. The most nonconfrontational boy crams three different emotional confrontations into one sports day

Bold move to make out in the school corridor mid-mandatory-sports day. In general, interesting how often people are macking around this school. But I understand, it was a very romantic conversation:

"I love liking you," said Nick, like that wasn't one of the most romantic things I've ever heard

"Does this mean we're boyfriends?" "Oh, yes. Was that not already established the last like, ten times we made out?" HAHAHA their DTR talks kill me a little

"Thank you for telling me. I'm so sorry if I ever made you feel like you couldn't tell me that." I was nervous for Nick for a moment, but I'm so glad for him now

"It's called bisexuality, if you've heard of that." LMAOOOOOOOOOOOO not Nick genzsplaining bisexuality to Mama Nelson aka Olivia Colman, of The Favourite fame

What a sweet and charming show

[dnpbeats]

I do feel like they are probably more open about 'acting like a couple' in public now, specifically bc that fear of being caught and outed is gone, because a) they are out now, and b) i dont think many people in their audience now would post a photo of them acting that way if they saw them in public, not for that reason, that wouldn't be the focus, and even less people i feel would engage with anything like that if they did see it online. Take that interveiw for example that dan did for wad, in 2016 'basically, yeah' would've be all people would talk about for years, and it would've been this massive thing, but bc it was published last year, it fizzled out really quickly bc it seemed like dan was pressured to say that, where as the tortoises quote is still being repeated daily bc he said that of his own free will and it was the gayest thing ive ever heard. So for the same reason if for example there was a photo of them holding hands or whatever in public, it wouldn't be as big of a thing, bc its not something they decided to share? If that makes sense? Where as if it was in a gaming video we would all talk about it forever.

This is all a long way of saying i think (i hope) they feel a lot less scared to exist as a couple in society now. However, with that being said, I think they have gone their whole relationship not showing a lot of pda, so I do think they wouldn't really do anything super coupley in public, bc i dont think its something they are used to at all. If I was them, it wouldnt be something I would feel comfortable doing at all, even after I was 'allowed to', especially with how much they value privacy. They know they care about each other, they dont need pda to show that they care, bc theyve never needed it before. Idk maybe im thinking about this too much.

you make really good points anon! I wasn’t rly thinking about that before u brought it up but I do think you’re right that their audience nowadays is a lot more respectful of their privacy and would not post/engage with things that they themselves did not willing share. And totally agree that they don’t need pda to show that they care for each other. And yeah I’m sure it would be weird for them after so long of not doing it! But I don’t think that that necessarily means that they don’t ever want to be at a point where they feel comfortable doing it yk?

[castlebyersafterdark]

finn is so mysterious to me cause I’ll see one photo where he’s the hottest human to ever exist and then another photo where I question my attraction to men, and then I’ll see one photo where he is the gayest dude to walk the face of the earth, and then another photo where I’m suddenly convinced that is a straight man™️. like even in the photos you just posted I’m getting a wide range of things from it 😭

I'm going to admit that's some of the appeal and I'm super ashamed but whatever, this is my free thinking, confess all your dirty secrets secret anonymous celeb thirst and horny smut fic blog so whatever - but he so much these days just reminds me of all the skater boys and shitty band boys in high school who I was desperately obsessed with and crushing on and had no chance with because I was not out and they were so so straight anyway. But Finn seems low key queer to me so I'm into it. The truth!!! Like he looks great in his fancy fashion and fragrance shoots but this stuff??? Messy and badly dressed and glowing (even while sometimes looking miserable haha)........ oh it's working

[socksnstuff00]

https://socksnstuff00.tumblr.com/post/683920303041232896/i-remember-every-single-one-of-the-melt-downs-i

would u mind describe all these melt downs 😂 I love ur funny reactions

oh yes Annie! absolutely lmao just now i was looking for something to distract me from work.

first of all shoutout to @ilovethisgame-andiloveyou for the awesome compilation 💜

Christmas 2021. Not only bitch woke up and choose murder for Christmas but it was the first time she acknowledged us the shippers so this is basically how we confirmed she knows we know lmao also this pic gave us the confirmation that no one really needed that they were indeed “rommates” in Manchester. Wonderful :D

2. Titan’s Bday (2021). Everyone was walking on their tiptoes around this one and it was a whole mess cause someone took it from someone’s private account and we all had to act like the pic didn’t existed until Clementine went and posted it herself like “yeah we did spent her bday together, so what?” ending once and for all the whole mistery .. and our lives ofc lmao

3. 1rst send off game against Mexico AKA my favorite game of all time! The whole experience was magical but when they posted the pic after the game it was the cherry on top of the cake. I say THEY cause Thermometer also posted it and istg I cried lmao the interwebs went WILD lol even a “straight” friend of mine who’s a football fan of Telephone sent me the pic not knowing I was already obsessed with it lmao. I ascended for sure.

4. Walking for oneness (2021). Such a nice and serene shot and also posted on a random Sunday when no one of us was expecting it. To tell you I screamed lmao they’re so in sync and she decided to show us more of their cute rituals. Also some of the funniest comments from the deniers lmao.

5. Tokyo 2021. Istg she posted this one to let us know they found time for a little date while they were at the olys lmao. They’re so cute! I really love their faces in here. Everyone else were together doing whatever and these two in their own world .. like always 😉

6. Teasing us like this is a game lmao (London 2021) this one made us update our deduction skills lmao we all become sherlock for a day xD from the sneakers to the purple vest to the body language and the pose lmao conclusion? 100% pure gay

7. 3000m hi (2021) AKA the one that broke us all. I mean, I still look at it and I cant believe it exists and she posted it herself, gay on main! Look at them, just LOOK AT THEM! This is the gayest shit I have ever seen lmao I remember I received the notif and literally dropped my phone. Hell im still freaking out nowdays xD I don’t think I will ever be over it. As I said before, they’ll have to post a pic making out to outgay this one!

8. London good bye (2022) WAGging era at its finest.The beginning and the end of one of my fave eras of them all. also No one can convince me she didn’t posted this pic to let the world know the exact reason why she decided to spend her vacays in the UK lmao.:D look how cute they are. How proud Cocaine is of her girl and how incredibly happy Tusi looks of having her wife there for her. Fucking priceless T.T I might cry again

9. Couple’s photo (2022) this one im currently on the middle of the melt down lmao. as I said, I saw it in the morning while i was omw to work and I literally had to park on a random gas station so I could release some pressure lmao. I DIED, y’all interacting with a ghost now xD

[borealopelta]

y’all sent me a copious amount of eye emojis, and thus, here it is:

Powerwolf albums ranked from least sexy to sexiest

7. Return In Bloodred

We all know the problem with this record - it’s not exactly powerwolf-y. It’s completely okay music but it’s not them. With that being said, Son of the Morning Star is amazing and y’all can’t take that away from me AND i’m gonna give it an extra point for the rerecorded Kiss of the Cobra King because without this record that would never exist. overall score: 5.5/10 not sexy at all.

6. Blood of the Saints

This record starts off with the SEXIEST song combination - Agnus Dei, Sanctified with Dynamite and We Drink Your Blood in that order is a killer trifecta. Attila’s growl of “blood of the saints” at the end of Agnus Dei is just.....yeah. Kinda disappointing how the rest of the record does not live up to that intense start though. The songs are great and I love them but they’re a far cry from sexy. Also the cover art isn’t hot enough I’m sorry. overall score: 7/10 passable

5. Preachers of the Night

Preachers of the Night is overlooked so often and I need that to STOP. y’all better start stanning this album or else. There are a couple forgettable songs on there but there’s also Coleus Sanctus, which paired with the experience that is its live performance...is a very sexy song indeed. Further honorable mentions are Sacred & Wild because it’s THE Charles Greywolf song and as the reigning Charlie simp KING I get to say it’s sexy. I’m also gonna put Cardinal Sin into the sexy category a) because it FUCKS and b) because i got my name from there and i’m sexy as fuck >:) overall score: 7.5/10 a bit more horny shit wouldn't hurt

4. Lupus Dei

I’d automatically give this a big sexy award for the colour scheme alone, but let’s get a bit more into it, shall we? First off, concept albums are difficult to make sexy and also i have no idea what their concept was here like...show me the forbidden backstory Matthew!!! Aside from that tho, this album has some of the most iconic songs on it, like the cultural reset that is Lupus Dei. There’s also Saturday Satan (it’s sexy and i will not take criticism)! And Lupus Daemonis!! Their first intro, also very hot! Honestly this is a great album and i like about 92% of it Very Much indeed, so, overall score: 8/10 give me a clearer story next time.

3. Bible of the Beast

This one is a real diamond in the rough! An obscure gem if you please! I need people streaming the shit out of this. Second instance of intro and it is by far the best one, literally will fistfight people who say Prelude to Purgatory doesn’t FUCK also the way it blends into Raise Your Fist, Evangelist??? perfection???? (Small side point i fucking love raise your fist and once again my op powers and sexiness grants it a bonus point because i said so.) But if that wasn’t convincing enough, Resurrection by Erection is on here!!! Their horniest song to date! I’m also giving bonus recognition to that beach photo of the Greywolfs captioned “bible of the beach” because like. also sexy. overall score: 8.5/10 could have done with a few more iconic bops.

2. Blessed & Possessed

This album FUCKS. This album is a sexy motherfucker and that’s the objective truth. There is not one song on that fucking tracklist that I could call even a bit not sexy. Even the chillest song (Let There Be Night) has THE sexiest energy there is. Personal favourites include Sacramental Sister (do i even have to explain why that one is sexy) and armata strigoi for obvious reasons. There’s also some more singing about blood, which is ALWAYS hot. Christ & Combat is just sexy as shit with the way it calls out everyone who glorifies the crusades, and there’s also the title track which if you tell me isn’t sexy you're a liar and a dirtbag. Bonus: the cover art is HOT and the alternate cover (the one they made into the limited shirt in the summer) is even hotter. overall score: 9.5/10 but like....it’s ALMOST a 10.

1. The Sacrament of Sin

Even the title is S E X Y!!! Demons are a Girl’s Best Friend is obviously straight pandering but I’m willing to excuse that because Killers With The Cross is THE gayest and sexiest MV ever made in the history of pw (yes it even tops Kiss of the Cobra King because that was a mess and this one is CLASSY) and yes I say gayest while fully aware of the vampire lady. I pretend I do not see it. Incense and Iron is so fucking hot and energetic and just makes me wanna go crazy. Same with Fire & Forgive and Venom of Venus!!! The amount of energy in there!!! Holy FUCK!!! Where The Wild Wolves Have Gone is THE metal ballad and its live performance is beautiful mostly but matthew’s solo is so so so so sexy who let that man do that????? Stossgebet is sexy for obvious reasons (come on its about sex we can admit that we’re adults here). I’m kinda ignoring Nighttime Rebel and Nightside of Siberia because they don’t do it for me BUT The Sacrament of Sin and Fist by Fist (Sacralize or Strike) are the epitome of sexy power metal???? And to top it ALL off they also have MIDNIGHT MADONNA here which is just. Oof. Truly a hate crime on Matthew’s end not having included it in the main album. TRULY. So like I think no one is surprised when i say that overall score: 10/10 congratulations hope album #8 only gets hornier.

[nosowoso]

Julie Ertz in sweatpants getting off the WC plane are the gayest photos to ever exist

You mean these?

I have thought the same thing since I first saw these and clearly great minds think alike😉. These pictures have more gay energy than I have in my entire body (even as a wholeass lesbian) and we’re blessed because they exist

[veliseraptor]

Natasha Romanoff

How I feel about this character: Baby, you’re my forever girl.

Natasha was the character who got me to start reading comics. Natasha was right there at the beginning of my MCU obsession, and while I talk a lot more about Loki she’s very much...a steady-burning fire in my fannish heart. She’s a character I have a lot of attachment to. 

She’s just such a good, complicated character. 

All the people I ship romantically with this character: I have a long list of Natasha ships that are of various intensity - I feel like Natasha/Clint and Natasha/Loki are the strongest ones, but I’ve at least casually shipped a whole bunch of other things over the years. I’m so interested in the idea of Natasha/Sharon though I haven’t actually read much of it, alas. 

Oh, right - Natasha/Yelena, the gayest rivalmance in comics, to be sure. (We’ll see how it goes in the movie.)

My non-romantic OTP for this character: Also Clint - tbh their relationship doesn’t need to be romantic, it just needs to be there and significant, particularly in the MCU-verse (though I’m weak to it in comics as well). Natasha and Laura Kinney is Good and needs to be more of a thing (Marjorie Liu!!!! why didn’t we get the comic that I deserved!!!!!!). Natasha and pretty much any female superhero she’s ever worked with, especially Bobbi and Sharon.

My unpopular opinion about this character: I feel like people act like she’s just a sexpot or whatever (still!) and it really bothers me. I think the degree to which she is a sexual character/relies on her sexuality is seriously overstated - she relies much more on gendered assumptions overall, with the exception of in Iron Man 2 where it really only pops up as sexual with the modeling photos.

Other than that moment, we never actually see Natasha playing the seductress. It’s a role that gets put on her by interpretation rather than one that actually exists.

I also just feel like people have kind of turned on Natasha as a character in general (not that she didn’t always get a fair amount of shit from fandom), so the fact that I still love her very, very much sometimes feels like an unpopular opinion. Unfortunate.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon. As far as the MCU goes: she was quasi-fridged and it was an injustice for the ages and yes I am still mad about it. She should’ve survived. She deserved to live through the victory and move on and move forward. 

Natasha deserved a happy ending and I’m still mad as hell that she didn’t get one.

She also deserved to get a stand alone movie at least five years ago, but, well. Here we are.

In comics: I want a(nother) series that’s just the premise of “Natasha teams up with a different female superhero every month.” Alternately, “Natasha leads an all female superhero team.” I’m still sad we didn’t get that Marjorie Liu series. It would’ve been great.

[fragiledewdrop]

Gay Ask Game

Since when I was younger and still in the closet I found lots of comfort and help in other people’s stories, I have decided to answer all the questions from the “gay ask game!!” , in case someone were to find it useful. Here we go:

who/what made you start questioning?

I was on a bus, back from a school trip, and my best friend fell asleep on my shoulder. I realized that I desperately wanted to kiss her, and it was the first time I really wanted to do that with anyone, male or female. I freaked out. The repression and internalized homophobia started in that same moment.

how old were you when you started questioning?

Twelve.

what other labels have you used other than your current ones?

Straight and lesbian. I was terrified of being a lesbian after the Terrible Bus Incident, but I also liked boys, so I decided that made me straight. I dind’t know until I was seventeen that there was such a thing as bisexuality. I felt truly lost and deeply, deeply wrong.

tell the story of the first time you came out

I was in Naples with my very out and proud little brother. I came out to him in an underground station, and then we stayed up all night talking under the stars. It was beautiful. I was nineteeen.

tell the story of the funniest reaction to you coming out

Me: Dad, B. is not my friend. She is my girlfriend.

Dad: I KNEW you were not straight! I would have put money on it!

Me: ....yeah. Because I FREAKING CAME OUT TO YOU THREE YEARS AGO !

tell the story of the best reaction to you coming out

My best friend, after two hours of knowing her. She just smiled. It was the warmest smile I have ever received. I knew then that it would be okay.

was there a queer artist/show/book/movie that you listened to constantly when you were in the closet?

Haley kiyoko, Troye Sivan, “Pride” and “Brokeback Mountain”. Nothing really helped like Destiel and Johnlock fanfiction, though.

ever called out/stood up to a homophobe?

Many times. The worst was my former best friend. Her insults still tear me apart years later, but life is like that: we lose people we love, we grieve, we move on.

favorite queer celebrity?

Probably Ian McKellen

favorite queer character?

Max from Black Sails

have a childhood crush that you didn’t realize was a crush until later in life?

When I was like eight I straight up wrote a poem about a friend’s green eyes and read it to her.No one thought anything of it, myself included. I remember the scene perfectly.

if you had to do a gay lip sync dance performance, what song would it be to and what would your outfit be

Titanium in a rainbow dress.

favorite gay music video?

Hayley Kiyoko, “Sleepover”. I have been in love with it since it came out.

"how did they not realize i was gay" moments?

Not many, tbh. I was good at hiding that part of myself.

gayest photo of you?

Probably this:

happiest pride memory?

I have never been at pride

talk about your first pride

See above.

fit any stereotypes about your sexuality?

I AM physically attracted to a LOT of people. I would never cheat, though.

FILL IN THE BLANK: if the heteros find out we can _______, they’re going to tell the church!

define ourselves

describe your type in a haiku

Feather-soft and strong,

A blushing summertime cloud,

Bolts hidden within.

describe your coming out experience in a haiku

My dull knife guts me

Like a fish on the pavement-

And yet I grow wings.

make an acrostic poem out of a label you use (sexuality, gender, pronouns, etc)

Brave little child

Immersed in a world of dreams,

Swallowed by a world of nightmares: are you allowed to

Exist? This world is black and white,

X and Y, rain or shine. There is no place for your

Unique sun shower, for your shades of grey, for the

Audacity of being undefined. You'll discover everywhere

Liminal spaces where you can trive, liminal times in which to love, a wonderful liminal life.

(Source:

queerandhavingmorefunthanyou)

I am going to tag a few people I'd like to share this with. If you want to do it, you are welcome to.

@snovolovac, @procasdeanating, @vorfreude-chlorine, @mirandasinclairs, @justsomeonerandom17, @brizidia, @leeaneea, @popping-pills-at-popeyes

[gargoyleofhumankindness]

some initial thoughst on star wars rise of skywalker

- this movie is great 

- i really liked it 

- everytime they said rey is a palpatine i laughed for two reasons 

1. friendpatine 

2. i never considered that palpatine was his last name 

what is his first name 

its so funny to me that is last name is palpatine i would have assumed it was either first name pal last name patine or that palpatine was his first name i never even considered it was a family name thats so fucking funny to m e

- general, general. that is the gayest thing ever genuinely. saying comrade is gay saying general is next level gay respect for the boys 

- when rey got two lightsabers i was so stoked for some doube wielding and was low key disappointed to only get a cross defense but still cool i guess 

- so disappointed rey killed k*** r** only to instantly bring him back to life let the piece of shit die 

- and then he did so thats fine 

- leia’s jedi training made me so happy 

- rey calling leia master made me so happy 

- really good bants 

- really happy to see squad squad squas

- r2 calling cp his best friend made me cry 

- THE MOMENT WHERE ALL THE SHIPS COME IN AND THE MUSIC PLAYS

THAT MOMENT IS THE REASON STAR WARS EXISTS 

IT IS ALL THAT I HAVE EVER WANTED FROM STAR WAR

FUCKING PHENOMENAL MADE ME CRY MADE EVERY OTHER SIN OF THIS MOVIE DISAPPEAR I WOULD BE HAPPY TO JUST SEE THAT SCENE AND NOTHING ELSE FOR LIFE 

- when they fall into the sand pit all i thought was that photo set of ps where hermione avada kedvras harry and the end credits roll. what if that was jus tthe end of the movie 

- starting the movie with kylo is a fucking travesty 

- cutting to shenanigans and rey meditating with rocks and leia almost makes up for it 

- it felt like there were more female characters and i like that 

- the final scene at the farm honestly tears 

- when she says rey skywalker i punched the air so hard i have no investment in the whole who is rey’s parents the controversy of skywalker etc etc etc but i felt that moment was earned and awesome 

- chewies reaction to leai was my reaction also and made me sob hardddddd

- WHEN ALL THE JEDIS SPOKE TO REY THERE WERE FEMALE VOICES AND I HAVE DECIDED THAT INCLUDED ASHOKA THE BABE 

- bb8 making a friend 

- the shot of the two suns and bb8 was some cinematic beauty 

- when rey force jumped and chopped the wing off kylo’s buff tie fighter 

- kylo’s buff tie fighter is hilarious to me 

- rey burning it is excellent 

- rey wearing the helmet and flying the x wng big happy

- omg huge shout out to the yak things fucking here for them 

- also for the ex-storm trooper idk her name but icon 

- there were a lot of shots of trooper dead bodies, and on the death star all the empty helmets. i think its really good that they were showing the aftermath of the rebellion’s battles, bc the fact is you cheer when they blow up the death star and the destroyers but there are hundreds of people on those ships and we never see an acountability for that, its just lets go blow up the bad guys even tho a few months (years? what is time in the star war univeres) finn would have been on the ship, any number of those people had potential for good or where good and trapped in a system where this was their only option. i think showing the helmets really brought that into view for the first time and i think thats really valuable 

- hux being the spy and immedietly getting killed is fucking hilarious 

- leias sabre is so pretty i want one 

- storm troopers getting jet packs before poe gets one is a betrayal 

- who doesnt watn to see that pilot go fucking off with a jet pack 

- seeing the ewoks made me really happy also YUB YUB 

- goddamn it kylo why didnt you chuck the sabre in the first movie could have saved us all a lot of trouble 

- the knights of ren made me laugh every time they appeared 

- why where all their weapons so mediavial and shit 

- they were murdered in less than a minute they are clearly really shit 

- i mean no suprise but still fucking funny 

- skeevy still looks skeevy and with all the med stuff just made me think of davros in withces familiar low key was expecting pcap in a dalek to scoot in and start shooting exterminate 

- also i was haunted by calling skeevy lightening mcgee idk where that thought came from but every time he used lightening i would think lightening mcgee

- at the end of the day when you hear the music and the STAR WARS logo appears nothing else matters that is just something that brings me so much joy. we can complain and deep dive and metasise about these stupid movies but you cannot take away the feeling of the first beats of the theme and the opening credits that is something incredible and special and so many people have felt that in their lives and that is amazing

[frostinmyshadows]

Please read all of this. It will be hard, but I really, really need you to.

I had a nightmare about you the night before last. I was reliving the moment you told me you couldn’t love me over and over and over. I woke up panicked, sweat sticking me to the sheets. I’ve been revisiting that nightmare ever since. I wish it had only been just that; a simple nightmare. Not a memory. One of my last memories of you.

I’ve spent the last seven months mourning you. At times hating you. I’ve officially been apart from you for longer than I was with you. It had gotten easier, being alone. It had gotten easier to suppress the memories, to ignore  the parts of me that are stuck on you. and the parts of me I left behind with you that day. But the last few weeks I’ve felt myself slipping. I’m having a hard time writing more poems about loving you when one of the last things you said to me was that you couldn’t love me.

What would have happened if I hadn’t done what I did, in the end? What would have happened if I had simply left, and gone home, and carried on? Part of me wonders if you would have called me a few days later, missing me, taking everything back. But another part of me fears that you would have treated me like you treat a lot of people in your life- disposable. I watched during our time together the ways you found new friends, made them think you cared about them a hell of a lot more than you actually did, had a really intense relationship, and then it ended. You told me yourself that you didn’t know why you had this habit of making people think they meant more to you than they did. The whole time we were friends I feared that I was just another one of these relationships. That I would be disposed of shortly, and that I better just enjoy our friendship while it lasted. And the day you said those terrible things to me, I felt that my fear had come true. 

But when I got home from inpatient, I spent hours and hours poring over the notes you wrote me, looking at the pictures, the friendship bracelet you made me, the silver bracelets with the date we met on it. I spent hours upon hours in therapy trying to piece together the puzzle, how you could have written me these things and given me those gifts, if just weeks later you’d decide you couldn’t love me and didn’t want me in your life anymore. There was this great divide between these things, and what you said that last day. If you don’t remember the things you wrote to me, here are some examples:

“This is the gayest thing I’ve ever done. You find pockets of happiness in the most unexpected places. Amidst a world seemingly tumbling down around me, I found one. This time, my pocket is you, Em. You’re humming and fixing your hair in the reflection in the window. You’re wearing all burgundy but who cares. Oliver is making noise and rustling in tissue paper. We’re putting up Christmas lights and decorating the tree in November, going to any store open at 1 am. Tonight, you’re not alone in the dark, and I’ve learned that hot chocolate has caffeine. Now, it’s almost 4 am. I’ve got class in a few hours, but it doesn’t matter. The sun is starting to touch the tips of the horizon and I know I’ll be tired, but my best friend is sleeping in the other room, our kitten is sleeping on the back of a chair next to the Christmas tree we decorated. The lights are a little out of focus, and it’s okay. I’m safe at home, at home in a pocket of happy, watching life unfold through my runny egg (tear) eyes. I never thought I’d make it here, Em. Thanks for being my home.” -11/29

“... I know with 100% certainty that without you in my life I would not be here, alive, writing this. You are my guardian angel, and I thank our she-god every fucking day for that. You know more about me than anyone or anything that has ever existed, and you still love me. When I tell you something that in my head I’m like, “this is it, this is my most unloveable moment, I deserve no compassion or love right now,” you shower me in it. That in itself is the greatest gift you could ever give me. You’ve loved me in a way that has given me the freedom to grow and be myself, which is the best way you could ever love someone... I love you Emily Adair, even when I think you’re the dumbest person to ever live, and even when you don’t fold towels into perfectly proportioned thirds. We’re two pods in a pea and we’ll always be slices from the same pie. I know these last months haven’t been walks in the park, but I’ll walk with you in light or in dark. I loved you then, I love you now, and I will keep loving you, you digbat.” -2/14

The list from my fridge of the weird food combinations I eat. The parking slip from when we went to Arctic Monkeys in Seattle. A receipt from a Thai restaurant. The lotto ticket you bought with my money and then forgot to ever check up on. The polaroid of yours and Oliver’s footprints on our balcony from the first snow. My “I Voted” sticker, which for some reason you saved. The valet ticket from when we went to Twenty One Pilots. The lady bug you stitched me, with my nickname: “Love Bug.” (I have to tell you that it stings that you call Emma “Lady Bug.” I mean, come on. Emily, Love Bug. Emma, Lady Bug. When I learned that, it was like watching you replace me in the most literal way possible.) A sticky note: “You’re a star, I’m drunk, your love would be too much.” The photo strips we took at some point that winter, on the back of one of them you wrote “Two pods in a pea. I love you. Slices from the same pie.” The ad we put out when searching for a roommate. The polaroids from Halloween, you in your hippo suit, me in my Commander’s Wife dress. A polaroid of you and Oliver. The ring you gave me. One of your car keys, which I had carried on my keychain. Finally, a thumb drive that has every picture and video I’d ever taken of us on it. All of this is kept in the box you gave me for Valentine’s Day.

How could you have loved me with such impossible intensity, and then decide you didn't want me anymore?

I understand that taking care of me burnt you out. But the thing is, I never asked you to take care of me. I could feel, as the months went on, that the scale of our friendship was vastly imbalanced. I started to resent the way that you felt the need to do everything for me, the way you were clearly doing more for me than I could have possibly done for you, being so sick. And I think part of the reason you felt compelled to do so much for me is because it distracted you from your own problems. I began to understand that you were doing to me what I had done to G. I just gave, and gave, and gave to him without him asking me too, me trying to rescue him while expecting an equal amount of effort towards me in return, when he was so incredibly depressed that he couldn’t have possibly done so. The resentment grew between us, me resenting him for not being as good of a friend, him resenting me for putting him in a position where he felt he constantly was indebted to me This revelation was what led me to meet him for coffee and apologize. I told you, afterwards, about this analogy between our relationships, and you nodded but I don’t think really understood what I was trying to say- that you needed to back off and take care of yourself, or else you would get burnt out, while I constantly felt indebted to you for things I never asked you to do in the first place. Trying to rescue me would eat you alive. And then, ultimately, our relationship would end with the same abruptness and pain that G and I’s did. You were trying to keep me afloat when we were both drowning.

Even when I did try to return the support to you, you would shut me out. If you were having a depressive episode (when you would spend a day or two in bed) I would try to help in whatever way possible, but you wouldn’t let me. You had a hard time being vulnerable. You isolated yourself, and wouldn’t let me be there for you. I felt so helpless. This made it especially hard to keep our scale balanced. 

I can’t say enough how sorry I am for hurting you. I didn't see the impact my illness was having on you until you and Kelsey and our moms had that sort of intervention with me and you guys cried so hard, pleading me to go home for help. I’m so, so sorry for staying in the apartment as long as I did. I know I hurt you and Kelsey very much by staying when I got to that really terrible point, and if I could I would take it back. But in the moment, I couldn’t face the pain of leaving you. I wanted to keep living the way we had been, going on midnight runs to the store for holiday decorations and candy, getting high and spilling our guts to each other, doing absolutely everything with you that was giving me a purpose to live at that point. The idea of going home for months, where I would be so completely alone, was terrifying. Most of all, I was worried you would forget about me when I was gone. That our friendship would fade, and you’d move on to someone else. Which is why I panicked when you went days at a time not texting me, growing distant, and why I came up again so soon to visit. Which is when it all happened. 

Those words you said were probably the worst possible way to say what you were trying to say. You could have simply said “I need to take care of myself right now, and that means we need some distance.” If our positions were swapped, saying the things you said wouldn’t have even occurred to me. I don’t understand how they could have to you. I want to know. I don’t understand. I just don’t. Even in the moment I remember asking if you could love me when I was healthy, and you said yes. I replied “I love you because you are you. In sickness and in health, in good times and bad. How could you choose to only love me in health?” 

I know you’ve apologized, and explained the way you felt then and feel now. I appreciated that immensely. You have no idea how much it meant to me. And I do forgive you, for everything. But I just still can’t piece the puzzle together. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to. Maybe it’s less of a puzzle and more of a shattered mirror. Too many millions of pieces to put together, leaving a distorted, hazy image even if they manage to be put together correctly.  Maybe it’s possible that you really could have said those terrible things while still really loving me, though not letting yourself love me. Maybe these opposites were true, simultaneously. 

Though it was mostly wonderful, our relationship was very codependent. I had lost my sense of identity with being ill and unable to live the way I always had, so I poured myself into you and made you my identity. Looking back, I see the red flags of our relationship. I so willfully ignored them at the time they occurred, but now I see how our relationship got to be the way it was. Our friendship was the most intense, beautiful thing I have ever experienced- but it had fatal flaws. We are imperfect humans, and we both fell into different traps with each other. I’ve spent a lot of time at home going to therapy and learning about how to have healthy, non-codependent relationships. I hope in the future we can both experience these relationships. I think it would be a good idea for you to learn about the topic as well. I put my entire self-worth in your hands, which I never should have done, and it ultimately almost killed me. I gave you too much power in my life. I didn’t understand balance, I didn’t know how to achieve interdependence instead of codependence. I didn’t understand how to set boundaries or follow yours. I just desperately loved and needed to be loved by you, at whatever the cost. 

Since coming home, I’ve gained ten pounds. I’ve fixed my posture. My issues with eating have virtually disappeared. I’ve tried several new treatments, including ketamine therapy for my mental health and fibromyalgia pain; (it didn’t work, but it was fun while it lasted.) I’m back in college. I have a steady job. I have a couple of friends, including G. I learned that I have Infection from Chronic Mold Exposure, my doctors said it was probably the black mold that was in the bathroom at our apartment (we had our house checked and it came out clean.) There was probably some also in the hole they made in my bathroom wall that time. I believe this is what made me so sick in Bellingham, to get better only in a matter of weeks in La Center. This realization has made me very, very angry. What would have happened to us if I had never gotten so sick in the first place?

I’m so fucking angry that this all happened. I hate the fact that I’m not with you right now, decorating our Christmas tree early and watching holiday movies. I hate the fact that I can’t remember your smell. I hate that I’m starting to forget the sweet sound of your voice- thank god I have the videos we made to remind me. They help me remember the sound of your laugh, and all of your facial expressions. I hate that we aren’t laughing like crazy together on the kitchen floor right this minute, unable to compose ourselves over some stupid joke. I hate the fact that we aren’t grocery shopping together, singing along to the music in the car together. I hate the fact that we aren’t leaving each other cute notes, I hate the fact that we aren’t sleeping just down the hall from each other. I hate the fact that I couldn’t be there for you when that disgusting guy did that to you, that I couldn’t hold you tight and kiss your forehead and tell you that everything was going to be okay. I hate the fact that I won’t be spending my 21st birthday with you by my side. I hate the fact that our memories are finished being made. I’m angry about so, so many things, but being angry won’t bring you back. It won’t reverse what happened. 

I want you to know that you will always and forever be the first girl I loved. I don’t know if I will ever really stop loving you. I don’t think I can. You are simply a part of my heart. It’s so, incredibly painful, and some days I don’t think I can move forward. I fear I will never have the same level of connection with anyone ever again. I fear every relationship will pale in comparison to ours. I fear I will spend my life comparing everyone I meet to you. I fear I will always be alone. I fear so many things. Mostly, I think I just fear that our time together was the best my life will ever get. That it’s all downhill from here. 

If you ever even for a second doubt that you are loved, just read To The Girl With The Hazel Eyes. I meant every word of it, I poured my entire heart into it. You are the most special, beautiful ray of light that I have ever met, and I’m so sorry, and so unbelievably angry, that our time together had to end. I made mistakes. You made mistakes. We tore each other apart, in the end. We burned so bright we burnt out. But that flame was warm and beautiful while it lasted. I will always be chasing that light. 

[detectivesus]

We return to the eternal game of ‘is this girl gay or did she just go to a private school?’ with my current dilemma:

So this girl I used to go to school with posted something on Instagram with several photos, first one, she’s kissing another girl on the mouth, so you’d assume, oh that’s a gay right? NOT JUST YET! In the next slide she’s kissing a MAN on the cheek! So who even knows???

I did some more digging and LOW AND BEHOLD, the girl she was kissing HAS A BOYFRIEND SHSHDHKDJDHEJK nothing makes sense anymore and straight private school girls are the gayest people to ever exist - 🇦🇺

NOOOOOO the exact same shit is still happening w people from my school too and it’s the most entertaining thing EVER 😭 i’m way too invested in these people’s lives but i have no regrets <3 recently the most gay girl EVER posted with her boyfriend and literally every single soul was texting each other ‘is she not gay?? she used to heavily flirt w me in class’ 😭😭😭😭😭 this girl spent years flirting with EVERYONE (but everyone loved it, not in an overbearing way) AND plays soccer ??? babe ??? but the gossip never gets old ever