#this is the frustration I feel towards life.

[just-a-ghost00]

Love ladder spread - Your path to union

In this reading, we will look at your connection with the person on your mind and try to identify the energies you are in as well as the steps that could help you in manifesting union with this person. Keep in mind that, as this is a collective reading, not all messages may resonate with you. The theme for this reading is Disney's Sleeping Beauty characters.

Group 1 - Princess Aurora

Overall energy is the Tower. There may have been a major shift in the dynamic of this connection. Either you and this person suddenly stopped communicating because of a fall out or for some of you, you just recently met this person and this completely came out of the blue. Either way, both of you were deeply impacted by this event. A lot of things may also be happening around you at the same time in each of your respective lives. Sudden changes in all areas of your life may be happening. You both may be feeling a bit overwhelmed, like things are coming at you from all sides and you don't know which way to go first, what to deal with or how to deal with it. There may be a lot of confusion surrounding you because of those chaotic, all over the place energies. You don't really have the time to sit down and fully grasp what the heck is going on. You're caught up in the storm and it feels like there's nothing much you can do about it.

Your energy | White Numen

Despite the overall energy of your connection, you come off as quite confident and grounded. This may be because of your experience as a person and your maturity. It could be that this isn't the first time such a hectic phase is happening in your life. As you've gathered knowledge and tools, you are fully equiped to face the storm and survive it. Your energy towards this connection and this person feels pretty optimistic and proactive. You seem determined to make it work, no matter the obstacles set on your way. You have a lot of faith in yourself, in the Universe and in this person. You are looking at the future with hope and trust, choosing to keep moving on and go with the creative flow surrounding you. You understand that rather than fighting the storm, you should move along with it and see where it leads you. You may also be redirecting your energy towards previous goals you had left on pause, catching up with work and family. You don't seem as affected by the energies of the Tower as you could have been, or at least you do your best not to let that set you off.

Their energy | Ace of wands clarified by the 7 of cups

When it comes to your person, this Tower energy seems to have a rather positive effect on them. They feel quite agitated and impatient, not because they are frustrated or scared, but rather because their curiosity and new found knowledge is opening doors for them. It feels like what the Tower has brought in your person's life is a new perspective and a surge of creative energy. They feel inspired and new projects, new goals are emerging to the surface. When it comes to you and the connection, this person seems to be going through an awakening. They have a new found sense of interest for you. If they may have been resistant and hesitant in the past, their desire for you is being reinforced and their attraction is leading them to gain clarity on what they envision for the future. I get the feeling of someone starting to grasp the extent of their feelings and understanding the opportunities that could arise because of those. The possibility of it being reciprocated gives this person courage, determination and hope. This person is slowly but surely coming to terms with the fact that the possibilities when it comes to the both of you are endless and rather than being scared about it, this person is starting to understand that this is actually working in their favor. They have chosen to rejoice because their horizons are broadening. They are filled with ideas of what they want to do with you, what the future holds for you and they can't wait to find out.

The connecting energy of your union | The Star

This is a very beautiful energy as it shows that both your spirits are turned toward the other. You are intuitively very connected and both of you have this deeper inner knowing that this just doesn't stop here. That there is more in store for this connection. The Star being associated with Aquarius, I wouldn't be surprised if both of you were connected through dreams as well as the internet. Even though you are apart and not in direct contact, you are still being updated about this person's whereabouts and vice versa. You are united in the sense that you both dream of being reunited and wish for the connection to succeed. You are hoping for a better future and your thoughts are filled with love and acceptance for one another. I get an energy of unconditional love and support, which I think is absolutely amazing. Both of you are getting signs about the other. I'm specifically picking up on stargazing, seeing shapes in clouds or receiving messages through nature. Both of you could be fondly stalking each other a little. Though you deeply wish to be in contact with the other, I pick up on a mutual understanding that both should respect each other's private space and need for a break. It's like you have silently agreed on keeping your distances to focus on your own selves so that you could deal with whatever other priorities you had before coming back to where you left at. You and this person could get into contact again during Aquarius season (mid January to mid February). You could exchange through social media before being united in the 3D.

The steps you should take | Hermit

You are advised to keep your distances with this person for a period of time so that you can focus on your own self and reevaluate your life. Introspection is encouraged as this will help you figure out where you're at on your journey, what you hope for and want from this connection as well as what you are willing to do in order to manifest it, nurture it. If you still have some healing to do, this will be the perfect occasion to do so. But I feel like you already knew that and had already started to do such work. If that is your case, know that you are on the right track. Keep up with the good work.

The steps they should take | King of cups

Similarily to you, this person has to nurture themselves and focus their energy back on them. A lot of emotional healing needs to be dealt with. They have to find back a form of balance and security in their emotional sphere before they can let you in and share that love with you. This person could have neglected themselves over the years or their vision of love is outdated and in order to reach union with you, they have to go through a reset. To charge their batteries and be reminded of the fact that they matter too, that they deserve love and should be their first supporter. Once this person has found themselves again, they can be emotionally available for this connection to progress further.

Group 2 - Prince Philip

Overall energy is 7 of cups. It seems that both parties are busy with a lot of different projects and people. An energy of confusion may be surrounding the connection as you may not be sure of where you want things to go and what you want to do of this connection. The affection between the two cannot be denied. "But is that affection enough?" may be a question that goes through your mind a lot lately. You may feel overwhelmed by the countless possibilities and outcomes that this connection could have. Being confronted with so many choices may intimidate both of you. It feels like you are at a status quo. You may be in contact with them but the conversation isn't going anywhere is what I feel.

Your energy | Page of cups rx

You definitely feel attracted to this person emotionally and wish for progress but you may be wary around them. Your fears and doubts concerning this person put you in a guarded state. Your heart isn't completely open to the idea of being united with this person. You may have lost hope overtime, seeing that your attempts of getting closer to this person were unsuccessful. The affection is still there, the desire to care for this person is still there but you are feeling stuck and like there's nothing you can do to make a change. You may be feeling discouraged and considering moving on from the connection alltogether.

Their energy | Magician clarified by the Chariot

You may not be aware of this, but your person's position regarding this connection is completely open. Your person is gathering strength and tools to be able to manifest this connection. This is something that is going on behind the scenes. They wish to be in contact with you and are determined to catch up with you. Your person only has one wish, one goal in mind : to come back to you. They are getting impatient and will do anything in there power to come closer. For some of you, I get the message that you may be in a long distance relationship. If your person is overseas, they are planning to travel at some point in time to see you. As Magician is associated with Gemini and Chariot with Cancer, this could represent a time frame from mid may to mid August. Your person wishes to convey to you their desire to make the connection progress and find a common ground with you.

The connecting energy of your union | King of wands

The energy surrounding your connection and your union is one of passion and determination. No matter the obstacles and issues you may be facing, you are both adamant on making it work one way or another. You may not be aware of each other's intentions and actions to reach such goal, as there may be communication issues, but both of you are really in a similar dynamic of trying to meet the other in the middle. Both of you are aware of the attraction going on. Both of you are fantasizing about one another and imagining a future together. Both of you wish to conquer the other and come out of this situation victorious. You may be united with this person through a common passion or project. Again, Summer seems to be significant here. You could be travelling when you meet each other again.

The steps you should take | King of pentacles

To increase your chances of manifesting union, you are advised to work on your stability and grounding. Focus on your career, your home, your personal goals. Become a version of yourself that you can be proud of. Increase your level of independance and work on your foundations so that this person's absence does not set you off balance. Cultivate your sense of self, your self confidence, your self love. If you were dealing with health issues, work on those as well. It is important that your energy is as stable as possible for you to lead a fruitful and abundant life in general, and for you to create a healthy dynamic with this person within the connection you share.

The steps they should take | High Priestess

This person has to work in the shadows and on their shadows. They are not meant to be in contact with you as they do so. They are pushed to meet the unknown, the parts of them that may scare them. They are encouraged by spirit to hone their intuition and actually listen to it instead of running away from it. Out of sight but never out of mind, for both of your highest good, this person is forced by spirit to remain undercover and in silence. Within the silence, great knowledge will come to them. This person needs to gain clarity on their own limits and desires to be able to come back to this connection as a more mature and enlightened being. They have to defeat the inner saboteur, the little voice that urges them to push people away or to control everything. Once they overcome their fears and become a better version of themselves, they can come back to where you left off as a renewed person and contribute to a healthier dynamic as well.

Group 3 - Maleficient

Overall energy is the High Priestess. Before I dive into the meaning of this card, I want to mention that I barely had to shuffle your cards in order to get the answers to your reading. Which means that the energy is very swift, potent between you and this person. That could also tell us that the manifestation of a union with them may be closer than you think. Now I also had to say that I ended up doing your reading first because of this swift energy going on. So that may be further confirmation that this is happening soon. The High Priestess is an energy of secrecy and introspection. This tells us that you may not be in contact with this person as of now, at least in the 3D. But on a spiritual level, in the 5D, you may be picking up on this person's energy and receiving a lot of signs from them. This may also be a sign that you and your person are very spiritual and connected. Both of you could have psychic abilities and use forms of divination as a mean to understand the dynamic of your connection. This could also be a sign that your connection with this person is something that both of you keep hidden. You and/or this person may have significant Scorpio placements in your chart as well as Taurus placements.

Your energy | 9 of cups

When it comes to this person and your connection with them, you are very dreamy and optimistic. You spend a lot of time daydreaming, wishfully thinking about this connection and doing your best to manifest it into your reality. You may be praying for this person to contact you again and be close to you. You may be practicing meditation, listening to subliminals, trying to contact them through their dreams. For some of you, maybe you subconsciously tug on this person's energy and vice versa. You could be lucid dreaming about this person. You are deeply emotionally invested and a lot of your energy is spent on nurturing this connection, thinking about this person and wishing for them. Your energy is rather passive and feminine. Though you long for this person, you may not be actively/directly trying to contact them as you may be afraid of rejection.

Their energy | 3 of cups

This person seems to be in some kind of an avoidant energy. Now, it is important to point out that they do not feel disinterested when it comes to you. They feel a certain amount of tenderness and affection for you, friendliness and joy. They could be feeling giddy and excited whenever your name is mentioned and thoughts of you ellicit a sense of peace and exhilaration, especially if you used to share a lot of time with them. They may be reminiscing on the times they spent with you and the memories you shared. If this person is interested, they approach this connection from a rather laid back angle. In other terms, they may be more casual and less emotionally invested as you are. They may not be expecting the same things as you when it comes to this connection, or at least not now. They may be partying a lot and interacting with many other people, whether platonically or romantically, in an attempt to distract themselves from the connection. This could be a person that was already involved in another connection prior to your meeting.

The connecting energy | 3 of wands clarified by the Star

If both of you have a very different approach in this situation and maybe hope for different outcomes, both of you unite in the feeling of being excited about one another and very attracted to each other. Both of you look at this connection with a positive mindset, one of wanting to explore the connection further and anticipate the future when it comes to it. Both of you could be wanting to reconnect and close the distance, maybe to travel together as a way of deepening your bond and getting to know each other. The connecting energy is one of pleasure, playfulness, chemistry, optimism, curiosity and expectancy. This energy of union could start online before it is taken on a physical level. You could thus be flirting with this person through social media for a while. You will know union is happening when you or this person decides to come towards you in the 3D. So after a period of exchange online, which may last for a short period of time, they could ask you out on a physical date. If we look for time frames, wands can symbolize weeks. So a time frame of 3 weeks could be significant. With the Star card, Aquarius season may also be relevant (mid December to mid January).

Steps you should take | knight of wands

To enhance your chances of manifesting union, you are encouraged to cultivate a light hearted atmosphere within the connection. Being optimistic is more than welcome but you are advised to keep some distance as to not become too dependant on the outcome. Spirit encourages you to be playful, sensual, communicative. Don't take this too seriously and let yourself be surprised. Approach this connection with spontaneity, curiosity, fun. Play with the dynamic, engage in banter, tease them, make fun of them. Use humor as a way to deepen the intimacy. Share with them things that you are passionate about. Bond over similar passions. Use games as a way to losen up tensions. You can offer to meet them in a familiar, playful, friendly environment. Show your sociability. Enhance your attraction by emphasizing your appearance or skills that you are confident about. You get it, your seduction tactics must be on point. They gotta see you shining and feeling yourself.

Steps they should take | Ace of swords clarified by the 9 of pentacles

This person has to be more direct and communicative. They have to make a clear statement about how they feel towards you, where they're at in their life and what they expect of this connection. Their intentions have to be clear. So they need to do introspective work and improve their communication skills. They should clearly tell you that they are single and available if and when that is their case. They should gather information about you and get to know you on a personal level in order to evaluate what you mean to them and where they want to take this connection. This person needs to be more proactive and also show their trustworthiness. They have to step up to the plate and also put forward their best qualities. Namely the fact that they are mature enough to invest in this connection and support it, that they are well off financially and independant, that they are very generous and caring, as well as their hardworking personality. Among other things. This person needs to be clear on what they are willing to bring to the table and provide in order for this connection to work out.

[temilyrights]

43) “god you’re so emotionally constipated.” for Emily x Reader please.

history smothers us

emily prentiss x gn!reader

summary: years of unspoken words and misconceptions threaten to destroy what remains of a once close relationship. you couldn't imagine your life without emily. now you look at her and feel every part of the ocean that destroyed you both. featuring prompt "god you're so emotionally consitpated" from my prompt list.

word count: 2.3k

warnings: angst with a happy ending. mention of blood. no use of y/n. set in season 12. unit chief prentiss.

a/n: thank you so much for the request <3 sorry it took me a while I struggled to find the right idea. I imagine this wasn't what you had in mind but I do hope you enjoy it anyway. also side note: i've deleted my taglist, i'm restarting because it was years old so if anyone would like be re-tagged or anyone new would like to be added pls lmk!

The police lights flash in the midnight sky. Agents and local police spread across the farmhouse. And you, sitting in the back of an ambulance, blood dripping down the side of your head, the beginnings of a headache making itself known.  

The bright torch shining in your eyes makes you wince, but the EMT clears you of a concussion and hands you pain meds to swallow. You drag your hand through your hair, a frustrated sigh leaving your lips. 

The unsub had come out of nowhere and whacked you over the head with a metal pole, and he probably would’ve done a lot more if it wasn’t for Tara being two steps behind you. 

Honestly, you were fine. A little banged up, with a nasty bruise already forming, but the blood had been wiped away and it was almost like it had never happened.

Well, apart from the very angry Unit Chief Prentiss stalking towards you. 

You wish this was an unfamiliar sight, but god she’d been back months now and you don’t think her smile had been pointed in your direction once. 

“What were you thinking?” She scolds, voice sharp and eyes narrowed. You don’t miss the shaking of her hands as she holds them tightly on her hips or the rising flush of her cheeks, both she would blame on the cold but you knew they were born out of concern, not that she’d ever admit it. Not anymore.

“I’m sorry I didn’t realise the FBI now required its agents to have the abilities to see through walls.” You roll your eyes, the half-joke an attempt to fix her glare, but you know even as the words pass your lips it’s futile. Your shoulders slump, already tired for the fight ahead,  “He came out of nowhere, Prentiss.” 

Her lips purse, “They require you to be able to clear a room. It seems you might need a refresher course. Maybe until you can be trusted and I deem you requalified it’s best you stay back in quantico.” 

“What?” You ask incredulously. Of all the dumb things- “Let me get this straight, you’re benching me over nothing? Tara was through that door seconds later. I wasn’t defying your orders. You have no reason to do this!”

“I want you to redo your basic training so I know you can be trusted in the field.” She demands, stoic, serious, and so far away from the soft woman you used to be able to reach out to. 

You laugh, but the noise is sad and wild. You shake your head in disbelief, watching the woman in front of you that years ago used to be the person you were closest to in the world. Now you stare at her and feel every part of the ocean that destroyed you both. “God, you’re so emotionally constipated.” 

“Excuse me?” 

You push yourself off the end of the ambulance, bringing yourself to your full height and meeting her gaze. You knew the day she accepted the unit chief position this wouldn’t end well, there was too much history, too much the two of you had left unsaid, hurt and anger smothering any possible relationship left. 

“Let’s not pretend this has anything to do with my performance.” You begin,

words low enough that if she didn’t listen the words threatened to disappear with the wind, “It’s because I got hurt and you’d rather damage my career and ruin the tatters of our relationship than admit that me getting hurt scared you.” 

Emily steps backwards, face stricken. Her hands fall from her hips, her mouth opening and closing as she struggles for words. 

You decide there’s nothing left she can say. You excuse yourself and grab a lift with Luke, happy to leave the crime scene and your boss behind. After everyone’s finished at the farmhouse and packed up at the police station it’s nearing two am and everyone is ordered back to the hotel to catch a few hours of sleep before the flight in the morning. 

Your feet are dragging by the time you make it to your room. The meds have done their job though and your headache had faded away, but nothing but sleep was going to help your heavy and aching bones. You wave a tired goodbye to Tara, who unlike Emily had no issues checking in and making sure you were okay, and then retreat to your room. 

You slump into the chair at the desk, telling yourself you’ll find the energy to get ready for bed in one minute. But so thankful to finally be off your feet. Your reprieve lasts only minutes before a knock sounds at your door. A withered sigh leaves your lips and you consider ignoring it but still find yourself pushing yourself upright and making your way back to the door. 

When you open it, you wish you’d listened to your thoughts. 

“Hi?” You say hesitantly, staring into the tired face of Emily Prentiss. There’s no anger, her shoulders are almost slumped, defeated maybe? You look away, too scared to analyse further. 

“Can I come in?” 

You open the door further allowing her entrance. She smiles, tight lipped at you, nodding her thanks. You close the door and wait for her to speak, pondering how in the hell you both got to awkward silences and forced tight lipped smiles when years ago you two could share looks across the room and know what the other was thinking, spent hours talking and laughing together, how you had built a life and never thought there would be a day that she wasn’t in it with you. 

“We can’t go on like this.” She starts eyes meeting yours before flickering away, “Things between us have not been right since I returned and I think maybe we should clear the air. I want to be the Unit Chief, I want to be back here at Quantico but that only works if we can be a team.” 

You scoff. It slips from your mouth, uncontrolled and harsh. Emily’s gaze snaps to yours, her surprise at the sound clear. You shake your head, “What is there to say?” Where would we even begin?

“I-” She chokes, blinking as the emotions claw at her throat. “I’m sorry for hurting you.”

Your brows draw in confusion as you shake your head, “What are you talking about?”

“After everything that happened with Doyle-”

Your eyes bulge, “You think I'm still upset about that? God, do you think I’m a monster? You survived. You lived. That’s all that matters.” 

Tears pool in her eyes, but she blinks them away, her gaze shifting to the wall as her fingers pick at a hangnail. She looks back at you, still picking, gaze more open and lost than you’ve seen in a long time. “Then why? I hurt you. I can see it in the way you can barely stand to be around me, like it hurts you to even be in my presence.” 

You blow out a breath, eyes moving around the room before they land back on her and then away again. “It’s not your fault.” You breathe, emotions lodged in your throat and heart beating wildly against your chest as you try and force the words out. “You didn’t hurt me, I hurt myself. There was never going to be a life I led that you weren’t right with me, you know?” You laugh, wet and broken. 

Emily’s mouth falls open, her eyes emotional pits that you don’t dare hold. 

“And then you left for London and I couldn’t exactly be upset because I had no say in what you did with your life. We were just friends. I knew it’s what you needed and I don’t resent you for that. I just…” You take a breath, “I was so angry at myself for missing you, for thinking that I could be someone you would stay for.”

And there it was. The truth. Because at the end of the day, you’ve always just wanted to be enough for the woman in front of you. For her to see you as more than just your friend. To one day have your feelings returned. 

She’d left and you’d both been busy and you’d deliberately tried to separate yourself as well, drawing back from the painful reminder that you weren’t enough. And since her return, all those emotions have been resurfacing, however much you tried to keep them buried. Because falling out of love with Emily Prentiss was just not something you were capable of, and you’ve spent years trying too. 

Emily approaches you, the space between you closing ever so slightly. Your gaze sticks to the ground, scared to see the easy to read emotions across her face. She takes a breath, the sound muffled by the beating of your heart.

“After I came back from Paris, I used to find myself looking at you and knowing I couldn’t be that woman you remembered, the one you sought for. I wanted to. Desperately.” Her voice hitches, and then lowers to a hoarse whisper, “I wanted to be the woman you fell for.” 

Your eyes finally rise, against your will. Tears make their way in delicate paths down her cheeks, she looks every bit as lost as you feel. The only thing stopping you from falling apart is the fear that if you let go you may never recover. 

“I didn’t need you to be anyone. I just wanted you to be yourself. I wanted you to trust me.” You respond gently.

She shakes her head, “No, everyone was looking for that version of me that I couldn’t grasp onto.”

“Emily,” You sigh painfully. Her face crumples, eyes squeezing shut at the sound of her name from your lips. It’s been so long, you know. “You were healing from a trauma. I’ve always wanted the authentic you, whatever that includes. Why would that suddenly change?” 

She nods, a deep frown on her face as she accepts your words. Then a wet laugh, as she wipes away her tears. “I’ve missed you. Every day. I hate being in the same room as you and it being awkward. I used to be able to look at you and know what you’re thinking. I want that back.” 

A small smile curves your lips, “Me too, more than anything.” 

“Yeah?” She questions. Her teeth run across her lip, as she dares to hope. “You think we could get back there?” 

Your heart hammers. “I just need you to be really clear here. What exactly are we getting back to?” 

She steps forward, finally close enough to touch. Her hand hesitantly reaches out and touches yours, her cold fingers intertwining with your warm ones. Your body remembers her touch, relaxes and leans into it automatically. You eat it hungrily, tracking the movement before your eyes rise to meet hers and find soft, open eyes watching you. “I want to make you fall in love with me again.”

Your breath catches in your throat, tears pooling in your eyes as your hand shakes in hers.

“And this time, I promise, I’ll be there to catch you.” 

“We might have a slight problem with that plan.” You laugh, trying your hardest not to sob.

She frowns, nose wrinkling in the way you adore. “What’s that?” 

“It’s pretty difficult to re-fall in love when I never stopped loving you in the first place.” You huff, and Emily laughs, rich and free and bright. Her face joyful and happy, and with the wide bright smile you’ve waited months to feel pointed in your direction. God the sight makes your head spin.

“Is that so?” She asks, hand moving up to cup your cheek, eyes full of love and pointed at you. 

You can only nod, dizzy from her attention and the emotions coursing through your body. 

When her lips find yours it feels like finally coming home. Soft and delicate, both too scared to push too hard, exploring slowing even as her hand holds your cheek and yours fists in her shirt. You’ve waited years for this, and if you get more of these than it will be worth it. Everything is worth it for the feeling of Emily in your arms. 

When she pulls away, it’s too soon. You follow her mouth and she concedes and gives you a couple more slow kisses before she stops herself, resting her forehead against yours.

“I just want to say sorry for earlier.” She whispers into the safe space you’ve built. “You were right, I was scared when you got hurt. Dave’s already kicked my ass for my response, you won’t receive any disciplinary action.”

You nod slightly, her forehead moving against yours, “Thank you.” 

“It won’t happen again.” She promises, sealing the words with a kiss to your lips. 

“I know.” You kiss her again, but this time you break out into a yawn midway through. Your momentarily forgotten exhaustion, making itself known. 

She melts against you, caressing your cheek. “Oh, you need to sleep. We can talk more tomorrow. I’m taking you out for dinner.” 

You bite your lip to hide the smile threatening to take over your face, “A date?” 

She chuckles, rolling her eyes. “Yes, a date. But only if you sleep first.” 

“Your wish is my command.” You can’t stop the grin from taking over your face anymore. You press a peck to her lips and lead her back towards the door. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

“Tomorrow.” She agrees, eyes fluttering over your face as if she’s committing every aspect to memory. “Sleep well.” 

“You too.” 

She presses one last kiss to your lips before she opens the door and makes her exit. You close the door quietly behind her, sinking back into it and allowing the giggle to finally escape your mouth.

What the fuck had just happened. 

Emily Prentiss kissed you. 

Emily Prentiss has feelings for you. 

You weren’t alone.

You bite your lip and push off the door, finally ready to get ready for bed and praying come morning that this would still be your reality.

taglist: @aburman03

[gwens-love]

Not Haunted anymore

<-Part 2 ~ Part 4-> (coming soon)

Summary: Driven by love and desperation, you risk everything to bring Agatha back. But some things are not so easily won, and the line between life and death is fragile.

Warnings: emotional themes, loss and grief (kinda but not really)

Word count: 3.2k

~ghost!Agatha Harkness x fem!reader~

~Rio Vidal x fem!reader~

Please don’t copy/steal or translate this work thanks.

~<~>~<~>~<~>~<~>~<~>~<~>~<~>~<~>~<~>~<~>~

The seasons blurred as you waited, relentless in your hope. Green leaves turned gold and fell, the air crisped with the upcoming winter’s chill, but you stayed rooted in your goal. You wouldn’t let go… not like Rio had.

Today, the autumn sun brushed against your face as you sat outside with a familiar book, its pages worn from the weight of your gaze. You’d read it countless times, but it didn’t matter. This was for Agatha, and you couldn’t allow yourself to give up, not when the ache in your chest grew stronger each day.

Rio’s visits had become rare, just twice a week or so, and even then, her presence was hollow. She barely taught you anymore, simply standing beside you with empty eyes, as if all the fire… the life she might have had… had flickered out. Without her guidance, you had to teach yourself. You fumbled, grinding herbs too forcefully, botching incantations with poor pronunciation. But each mistake only spurred you to keep trying.

~<~>~<~>~<~>~

Time slipped through your fingers until spring arrived, and with it, a slow, creeping despair. You’d tried every spell, every book, every herb. You’d even sought out real witches, though they’d leave at the mere mention of Agatha’s name. Nothing worked. Each failure sank into the silence of the house, thick and suffocating, leaving you unable to think clearly.

Frustrated, you searched for your headphones, anything to drown out the quiet that had taken root here. And then… a knock at the door.

Your heart leaped. You dashed downstairs, hope clawing its way into your chest. When you swung open the door.

Rio stood there, framed by the soft glow of twilight. You stepped back, swallowing the knot of words lodged in your throat, and gestured for her to come inside.

Rio steps inside, a spark in her eyes that you haven’t seen in what feels like an eternity. She looks almost… alive again. It’s startling, seeing that glimmer, that hint of joy tugging at the corners of her mouth.

“What’s got you so happy?” you ask, confusion knitting your brows.

Rio turns to you, her grin widening, a rare, genuine warmth filling the air between you both. “I found something,” she says, her voice barely containing her excitement. “After all this time, I think I found a solution.”

Your heart races, hope swelling in your chest even as doubt pulls at you. “A solution? You mean…?”

She nods, reaching out to take your hand. “Yes. A way to bring Agatha back. I found something powerful… something no one’s tried before.”

A flicker of caution surfaces in your mind, but the desperation you’ve held onto for so long outweighs it. “What do we have to do?”

Rio’s fingers tighten around yours as she leads you to sit beside her. Her eyes shimmer with a strange, almost feverish excitement as she slips a worn, heavy book from her satchel, bound in dark green leather. The cover is cracked from years of wear, the pages yellowed and fragile.

“I found this,” she murmurs, flipping through the brittle pages. “It’s a rare text, almost lost. The rituals in here…they’re powerful, more than anything we’ve tried before.”

You stare at the book, trying to process her words. “Where did you even find something like this?”

Her face shifts, a flicker of something dark passing through her gaze. “It wasn’t easy. Let’s just say I made some… arrangements. But it’ll be worth it. I know this will work.” Her hand shakes slightly as she finds the page, turning it toward you. The cramped text and curling symbols are written in an ancient language, nearly unreadable. In the center is an intricate illustration of symbols, all intertwining to form a complex pattern.

You feel a pang of unease. “Why hasn’t anyone done this before if it’s so powerful?”

Rio hesitates, her voice softening. “Because it demands a lot. Complete focus, and an unwavering intent. If either of us falters…we might not bring her back at all.”

A chill runs through you as you take in her words. The silence stretches between you, thick with unspoken doubts and fears. But beneath it all, there’s a longing that eclipses everything else. You can’t give up, not after coming this far.

“What do we need to do?” you ask, forcing your voice to stay steady.

Rio’s lips curve into a smile, one tinged with determination. “The ritual has to be performed under the midnight moon. We’ll need specific herbs, a lock of Agatha’s hair, and our most precious memory of her. Each of us has to bring something deeply tied to her… something that binds us.”

She starts gathering the necessary items, and together you arrange everything carefully: candles placed in a circle, bundles of sage and rosemary, and a small, carefully wrapped lock of Agatha’s hair. Rio’s hands are steady as she lights each candle, murmuring under her breath words you can’t quite catch.

Finally, she looks up, her eyes meeting yours in the dim candlelight. “Are you ready?”

The weight of her question settles over you, and you swallow, feeling the gravity of what you’re about to attempt. “Ready as I’ll ever be.”

The two of you take your places across from each other, kneeling on either side of the circle. The scent of herbs fills the air, mingling with the warmth of candlelight that flickers, casting shadows against the walls. Rio instructs you to close your eyes, to focus on Agatha—her laughter, her voice, the warmth of her embrace. Memories rush through your mind: afternoons spent learning from her, her steady guidance, the spark of her wisdom.

“Now,” Rio says softly, her voice barely above a whisper. “Hold onto that memory, and don’t let go. We need to anchor her spirit.”

You nod, clinging to the image in your mind, willing it to hold strong. Rio’s voice begins to chant, low and melodic, as if each word is stitched with power. The air grows thick, humming with energy, and you feel it settling over you, heavy and electric.

The candle flames flicker and bend, stretching toward the center of the circle as if pulled by an unseen force. Shadows swirl around you, shapes dancing at the edge of your vision. You keep your focus, letting Rio’s voice guide you deeper, pulling you through memories of Agatha until it feels as if she’s right there, just out of reach.

Then, the atmosphere shifts, a chill sweeping over you, sending a shiver down your spine. You feel a presence, delicate and familiar, almost tangible. Your heart pounds, each beat echoing in your ears as you dare to open your eyes. Rio’s chanting has stopped, her eyes wide, locked on a faint, misty form beginning to coalesce within the circle.

There she is, Agatha, her form fragile and translucent, like moonlight made solid. Her eyes meet yours, filled with something between longing and sorrow. For a moment, everything else falls away. She’s here. You’ve done it.

“Agatha…” you breathe, reaching out instinctively.

But her gaze shifts, and a faint smile graces her lips. Her voice, barely more than a whisper, reaches you. “I’m… here, but not for long.”

Rio stiffens beside you, her face a mixture of triumph and desperation. “No, we can’t lose you again. There has to be more, something else we can do.”

Agatha’s gaze softens as she looks between you and Rio, the faintest hint of pride in her eyes. “You’ve come so far… but some things are not meant to be tampered with.” She steps back, fading slightly, her voice lingering. “Hold onto what we had. Let that be enough.”

And with that, her form shimmers and dissolves into the candlelight, leaving you and Rio in the quiet, empty space once more. The silence is deafening, your heart aching with a finality you hadn’t prepared for.

Rio reaches for your hand, her fingers squeezing yours. “Maybe… maybe this was enough,” she murmurs, her voice tinged with the pain of letting go. The two of you sit there, fingers intertwined, letting the last traces of Agatha’s presence linger in the air, knowing that she’ll always be a part of you etched in memory, bound in love.

As Agatha’s form begins to fade, a surge of panic grips you. This isn’t enough. You refuse to accept the soft, fleeting memory as all you’ll ever have of her. Agatha deserves more, she deserves life, a real, tangible presence beside you once more.

“Wait!” you shout, reaching into the circle, your hand trembling with determination. Rio’s eyes snap to you, filled with confusion and alarm.

“Y/N… what are you doing?” she whispers, her hand tightening on yours, trying to pull you back. But you shake her off, stepping into the center of the circle as your own magic swells around you, a warmth that’s different from Rio’s shadows and quiet whispers. Your power surges forward, bold and unyielding, like spring itself, a magic tied to life, rebirth, and creation.

“I’m not letting her go again,” you say, your voice steady and fierce. “Not when I… I can bring her back. Really back. She won’t be just a memory, just a spirit tethered to the shadows. She’ll be alive.”

Rio’s eyes widen, understanding dawning as she takes in the intensity radiating from you. “No, Y/N, the spell, Agatha warned us. You can’t use magic to bring someone fully back… It’s unstable. She’d be caught between worlds, between life and death.”

But you don’t listen. Your mind races through everything you’ve learned, everything Rio taught you, and you taught yourself, as you push deeper into your power, calling on the energy that runs in your veins. It pulses through you, responding to your desperation and longing.

You focus on Agatha, feeling her presence, fragile and wavering in the circle. Your fingers extend toward her, reaching into the space where her form hovers like mist. Her gaze catches yours, and for a moment, you see fear and a trace of sadness there.

“Agatha,” you murmur, feeling the magic coil and tighten within you, a warm, consuming force. “I’m not letting you go. You deserve to be here, to live again, to touch the earth, to feel the sunlight. I’ll make it happen. I swear it.”

The warmth of magic..? spreads, spilling out of you and filling the circle. You feel it pull, tugging at the edges of reality, bending the boundaries between life and death. Agatha’s form flickers, the mist growing thicker, denser. Slowly, her outline sharpens, her features taking on a warmth and solidity that wasn’t there before.

You push harder, feeling the strain of it, the raw power searing through your veins, demanding everything you have. Agatha’s form steadies, her gaze wide with a mixture of hope and terror as she realizes what you’re doing. She reaches toward you, her hand solid, her fingers brushing yours for the first time in what feels like eternity. The warmth of her touch ignites something within you, giving you strength to go even further.

But something is wrong. A strange, dark edge creeps into the magic, twisting it, contorting it as you push past the natural order. You can feel the boundary between life and death fraying, splintering under the force of your power. Your breath catches, but you refuse to stop, willing Agatha into full life even as you feel the cost beginning to weigh on you.

Finally, with a gasp, Agatha stands before you solid, alive, and breathing. Her chest rises and falls as she takes in her surroundings, her eyes full of wonder and disbelief as she looks at her hands, her body. She’s here. She’s real.

But the strain hits you like a tidal wave, and you stumble, your body weakening as the energy drains from you. Rio is beside you in an instant, catching you, her face pale with fear. “Y/N… What have you done?”

You barely hear her, your gaze locked on Agatha, who’s staring back at you, her eyes filled with a fierce, overwhelming gratitude. She steps closer, reaching for you, her hands warm and real, and the sensation fills you with joy and relief.

But there’s a heaviness in the air, a sense that something is shifting, that the world itself is groaning under the weight of your defiance. You can feel it in the marrow of your bones, like a tether pulled too tight, ready to snap.

Agatha pulls you close, her arms wrapping around you, and you sink into her embrace, feeling the pulse of her heart against your cheek. But as you hold her, you sense the tremor within her, the fragility in the life you’ve given her. She’s here, but she’s bound to you in a way that feels… unnatural, tethered by a force that defies the very fabric of the world.

And deep down, you realize that she is alive, yes, but at a cost. The magic inside her isn’t stable; it’s restless, hungry, feeding off the very essence that holds you together.

Rio’s voice is barely a whisper. “Y/N… what happens now?”

You meet Agatha’s gaze, knowing that the life you’ve given her is bound to your own, and that the two of you are now entangled in a way that defies the natural order. You know that, in time, this magic may demand a price, a sacrifice you’re not yet ready to name. But for now, Agatha’s here, alive and breathing, and that’s all that matters.

“We take it one day at a time,” you murmur, feeling the weight of what you’ve done settle over you. For now, it’s enough.

Agatha’s solid, warm arms are still wrapped around you, her heart beating under your cheek as you cling to her. But then your knees buckle, the ground tilting beneath you as a sudden, overwhelming wave of dizziness crashes through your mind. You try to hold on, but your strength drains away, leaving you weak and barely able to stand.

“Y/N!” Rio’s voice is frantic as she catches you, lowering you gently to the floor. She kneels beside you, her face pale and stricken, shock etched into her features.

“You’re a witch…?” Agatha whispers, her hand trembling as she brushes a strand of hair from your face. “How… I had no idea. You never told me.” Her voice is filled with wonder and disbelief, her eyes wide as if seeing you for the first time.

You try to speak, to explain, but the words slip away as exhaustion claims you, your body numb and drained from the sheer power you poured into the spell. A murmur ripples through the room as Rio hovers beside you, concern written in every line of her face.

“She didn’t just use magic,” Rio murmurs, almost to herself. “She wielded the magic of life, like nothing I’ve ever seen before. That’s not just any spell. That’s…”

“A witch of life,” Agatha finishes, her voice soft with awe, as if saying the words aloud makes them true. “I thought they were a myth.”

“Apparently not,” Rio mutters, but her hand clutches yours tightly, grounding you as the room continues to spin.

You blink up at them, struggling to focus, as the last of your strength ebbs away. The world fades around you, but you catch Agatha’s expression, a mixture of astonishment and fierce pride. “You did this,” she says softly. “You brought me back. Y/N… how?”

But before you can answer, your vision blurs, the edges of your sight darkening as unconsciousness pulls you under. The last thing you feel is Agatha’s hand clasped in yours and Rio’s whispered promise: “Rest now, Y/N. We’ll figure this out… together.”

~<~>~<~>~<~>~

The darkness closes over you, leaving their shocked faces lingering in your mind, a moment that feels both surreal and unforgettable, knowing you’ve revealed a part of yourself that you didn’t even fully understand.

The first thing you notice when you wake up is the weight of blankets and the soft warmth of sunlight spilling through the window. You blink, adjusting to the light, and try to sit up, but a sharp, aching fatigue pulls you back down. Your body feels heavy, as though you’ve been asleep for days.

As you take in the quiet of the room, you hear muffled voices outside the door. A moment later, it opens, and Agatha and Rio slip inside. Agatha’s face lights up with relief, and Rio’s expression shifts from worry to quiet awe.

“Y/N!” Agatha crosses the room, her hands reaching for yours, her touch grounding you as she squeezes your fingers. “Thank goodness, you’re finally awake.”

You blink at her, struggling to make sense of everything. “How long was I… asleep?”

Rio answers, her tone gentle. “A week. We weren’t sure when you’d wake up.” She takes a deep breath, searching your face before adding, “You used a lot of magic, more than we even thought possible.”

Magic. The memory hits you like a wave, pulling you back to that moment when Agatha’s spirit had shifted to flesh and bone. The spell, the power coursing through you, the almost unbearable force of it all. Your pulse quickens as the realization sinks in. “Wait… I’m not a witch. I don’t even know how to cast spells. That shouldn’t be possible.”

Rio and Agatha exchange glances, as if waiting for the right way to explain. Agatha sits down beside you, her fingers still tangled with yours. “Y/N… you are a witch. Or maybe, you became one,” she murmurs, studying your face. “You’re a life witch, it’s close to a green witch, but you can interfere with not only the life of plants, but with animals and apparently humans too.”

You shake your head, trying to wrap your mind around it. “But… I’ve never been able to do anything like that. I wasn’t born a witch.”

“That’s the strange part,” Rio says softly, her expression intense. “The magic, it just… appeared in you when you needed it. Like it was meant to be there all along, waiting for the right moment.” She runs a hand through her hair, disbelief flickering in her eyes. “Y/N, I’ve never seen anything like it. You summoned the magic of life, the rarest, most ancient form of magic there is. Only a few witches in all of history have had that ability.”

A strange, chilling wonder fills you, making you shiver. You stare down at your hands, the memory of that unstoppable power still fresh, almost like a dream. “But I… I don’t know how to control it. I don’t even understand it.”

Agatha’s fingers tighten around yours, grounding you again. “It doesn’t matter if you don’t know everything right now. What matters is that you brought me back. You saved me, Y/N.” She smiles, warmth and gratitude shining in her eyes. “You did the impossible.”

Rio nods, her face softening as she looks at you. “You’ve tapped into something few ever do. It’s overwhelming, I know. But we’ll figure it out together.”

You meet their eyes, still grappling with the reality of it all. The power, the spell, the unexplainable magic that had surged through you. The witch you’d become, without even realizing it. A new part of you, mysterious and powerful, waiting to be understood.

For now, though, you’re not alone. Agatha and Rio are here, guiding you, grounding you. Whatever this magic is, wherever it leads, you’re ready. Together, you’ll uncover its secrets, and maybe, finally, understand the path fate has set before you.

~<~>~<~>~<~>~<~>~<~>~<~>~<~>~<~>~<~>~<~>~

Fin <3

Taglist: @midnight-lestrange

[seungsuki]

jab we met - 02 masterlist

with your chatter buzzing in one ear and the train’s silence enveloping the other, rin decided to close his eyes for a moment, hoping you would finally quiet down. but his wish went unfulfilled. as you continued your relentless stream of words, the train guard began making his rounds

suddenly, rin sprang up, startling you in the process. your conversation halted as you watched him stride purposefully away from his seat into another compartment. curiosity piqued, you quickly followed him, your busybody instincts urging you to find out what he was up to

“where are you going, mister?” you called after him, but he didn’t look back

rin quickened his pace and soon found himself standing in front of the train doors. now, he suddenly recalls conversations. memories flooded back, mostly with his brother, about being the best, about dominating blue lock, about making it as a professional

he still recalls the promises they had made to each other, now turning into distant whispers. as rin stood at the open door, the cold air rushed in, cradling its icy fingers around his heavy body. he takes a step forward, feeling his heart beating and a constant reminder of his current actions

“you can be the best one after me” 

why did his older brother's voice keep echoing in his mind? rin despised him, yet thoughts of him lingered with the sudden game of tug of war between anger and concern. the chaos vanishes as soon as he hears your voice entering 

“what are you doing???”, you yelled, grabbing his attention 

in an instant, you yanked his hand away from the cold metal of the door handle, sliding it shut. you took a moment to catch your breath, tilting your head up to meet his gaze, your eyes searching his face for answers- who tries to jump off a train in the middle of the night???

“leave me alone,” rin said, pushes you away 

“you were going to jump off the train! are you out of your mind?” you paused, trying to calm the heavy pit in your stomach. “there are other ways to solve your problems!”

“it’s none of your business,” rin snapped back, the frustration boiling over. “all you’ve done is bother me with your endless chatter and bore me with your life stories! maybe you should take the hint and just leave me alone!”

his voice echoed in the small space, his outburst causing your eyes to narrow slightly. you winced at the volume, but you didn’t flinch- instead, stood your ground, mimicking his anger with a new unspoken moment 

amongst the sudden shouting, a train conductor was walking around to check the tickets. after his round, he reached the area where you both stood, he extended his hand out to ask for your tickets 

the moment felt awkward as both of you turned to him, rummaging through your pockets for the necessary ticket. rin on the other hand, remained still, eyes wide with an expression from the sudden moment. with a gentle nudge, you urged him to show his ticket, but he merely stared back at you, panic plastered across his face

and that is how you’re currently negotiating with the train conductor, trying to win him over by making a tragic story. the conductor, who seemed rather done by all the drama, sighed at your ‘story telling’

“he just misses home, you know? his family! don’t you have a family sir?”, you added an exaggerated frown with your plea 

the conductor, clearly unimpressed, sighed heavily. “i see…” he muttered, scribbling on his notepad as you spoke

“just get him a ticket for today, okay? he’ll be careful, i promise!” you added, flashing a hopeful smile

with another bored sigh, the conductor finally tore a ticket from his pad, handing it to rin before tipping his hat in your direction and moving on, disappearing into the dimly lit corridor

“why don’t you have a ticket?” you asked rin 

no answer 

rin didn’t respond, the weight of his internal struggle taking over his already crowded mind. you reached out, gently grasping his face to turn it toward you. eye to eye, you pulled him close, your sincerity blinding his vision. is this an angel sent from god? 

rin snapped out of his daze the moment your warm hands touched his face. the icy fingers of the wind faded, replaced by the warmth of your concern. for a second, he was tempted to close his eyes, to surrender to the moment. but reality hit him, and he jolted back, pushing your hands away

what reality? 

your eyes had everything he had been looking for his entire life on earth

“don’t touch me,” he warned, with irritation

“sorry… you weren’t listening,” you replied, looking down, guilt creeping in

but when rin glanced at you again, he could see the regret on your face. sighing, he lifted his hand and placed it softly on top of your head, a gesture that surprised you both. he ruffled your hair awkwardly before withdrawing his hand as if he had something he shouldn’t have 

“sorry,” rin muttered, glancing away, a hint of embarrassment creeping in his already flustered feelings

you watched him for a moment, your lips curling into a soft smile before laughter bubbled up uncontrollably. you clutched your stomach, laughter echoing the quiet room 

“you’re weird. what’s your name”, you ask, wiping your imaginary tears. “i’m [name]” 

“rin” 

TAGLIST

@raphsimp @tsumu-senpai @acchan05 @secretkiseki @fishii28

© seungsuki 2024-25 -- do not repost, translate, alter, etc on any platform without permission. Any characters used in my work do not belong to me, they are created by their original creator. all images are from pinterest.

[satoruarchive]

(˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶) TODAY’S CONTENTS : 16+ / cursing / reader is suspicious!.. / a little bit of angst(?) / fem!reader / reader is scared of bugs / reader is described shorter than satoru / satoru’s kindaaa a bitch / let me know if i missed any warnings <3 ★ ˎˊ˗ series m.list ★ ˎˊ˗ wc : 3.7k (how did we go from 2.5k to..)

“tokyo jujutsu high..” you lean back against your seat in the train as an overwhelming feeling takes over you. this is going to be your new life — as a jujutsu sorcerer. this is what you signed up for, so no take backsies, right? even so, you can’t shake off the lingering feeling within you that tells you today is going to be much more than just a.. ‘long day’

“Excuse me, can you stop your mumbling?” your head snapped towards the sound, a look of embarrassment washing over you, realizing you’ve been talking to yourself like an idiot.

“oh, my apologies.” you force a smile at the old man who had been clearly trying to sleep, silently cursing yourself for choosing the worst possible seat — it doesn’t look like there are any decent ones, now that you look around.

“whew, everyone on this train looks real sketchy..” and you’re back to mumbling to yourself. i can’t even get my head straight right now.. the overburning feelings of excitement and stress cling to your heart. this is a big day for you, isn’t it?

you were told you were the replacement for some.. ‘crazy guy’ who slaughtered an entire village and left the jujutsu society. you wonder how his teammates feel about that — are they mad about what he did? sad that he left? or worse, scared of him even? no — maybe all at once. “sounds like a bunch of bullshit though..” you sub-consciously mutter. i mean, who is crazy enough to kill the people they swore to protect?

you can’t help but stare out of the window, a state of frenzy taking over you. determination flows through your body, you’re ready for this, these are just the few small steps you need to a—

“attention passengers,” a voice echoes through the train “we’ve arrived at tokyo — may all passengers please depart carefully, i repeat, we’ve arrived at-“

a frustrated groan leaves your lips, maybe you did want the train ride to last just a little longer. the boost of confidence you had early had quickly seemed to dissipate into thin air. come on, you’ve got this..

despite the hesitating thoughts, you don’t waste another second without arising from your seat, nearly stumbling onto your belongings. a sheepish apology quickly slips out of your mouth in a desperate attempt to not make any further noise while leaving your seat, lurking behind the stretching line of people exiting the train.

the almost never-ending line slowly becomes smaller and smaller until you’ve finally reached the train gate. as soon as you walk out and enter the train station, you’re greeted with the beautiful scenery of tokyo. it’s your first time experiencing the grace of such a serene place in real time — it’s almost distracting, really, the sound of birds chirping by and people bustling everywhere — hold on, something smells a little..

“hey, i’m here.” a hand waves over your face, causing you to flip around quickly and you’re greeted by the sight of a girl with short brown hair and a cigarette sitting in between her lips — so that’s where the smell is coming from. “oh.” you eye her uniform, easily recognising the jujutsu tech uniform that bared similarities to yours.

“wow, you’re pretty.” you attempt to ignore the smoke hitting your face by throwing in a compliment, miserably failing as you slip out a couple of coughs— ahem. . you clear your throat.

the girl notices your discomfort quickly. “sorry.” she removes the cigarette from her mouth, letting the tip burn and the end falling to the ground.

“no, no, its fine.” you shake your hands, sighing in relief when you finally taste some fresh air. “so, you’re shoko right?” a curious gaze displays your features.

“mhm, i am shoko.” she confirms your statement. “Mr. Yaga sent me to escort you, he rambled quite a bit about you.” shoko briefly glances your way as you subtly nod at her words, gesturing you to follow her. you wonder what Mr. Yaga could have possibly said about you — hopefully good things.

“so you’re replacing suguru, huh?” she says it almost as a fact and not a question. honestly, she is also a little unsure about the replacement like satoru— maybe not as worried as him, but she still expresses a sense of uneasiness — she is suguru’s friend too after all. . or was.

you haven’t even noticed that she’s talking to you, her words entering into one ear and out of the other. you’re inattentively staring straight ahead, mind too occupied with thoughts to notice her voice. your ears are ringing with theories about what could of seemingly caused their friend to do such an insane 360 — or maybe im thinking about it too much, he’s not what im after anyway..

“heeyy? you there?”

“oh, yeah, i am.” your response came off a little delayed. damn it, focus. you shake your head, trying to get rid of the lingering thoughts, it’s not the time to let your head get swayed.

“so. . is smoking even allowed in there?” you ask with a half-hearted snicker, a desperate attempt to save conversation.

“no, but if you don’t get caught then it never happened.” she shrugs. “not much of a smoker, are you?” the teasing glint in her voice makes you a little embarrassed, a nervous smile bracing your lips. “no, not really haha.”

“nothing to be embarrassed about, im just poking you.” her reassurance made you sigh in relief, perhaps this wasn’t going to be as difficult as you assumed it was.

“actually.. i wanted to ask something.” shoko turns her head in your direction, awaiting your question expectantly. there’s an unsure expression on your face, contemplating your words.

“why did your teammate-“ the words are about to roll off your tongue when suddenly a strange noise causes you to choke on your words — ring ring.

well isn’t that just great.

“sorry, gimmie a sec.” shoko looks at you apologetically as she takes her flip-phone out of her pocket. she checks the contact name, satoru. you managed to take a peep in time to see who’s calling.

the name leaves your throat a little dry. satoru gojo — from the gojo family. his existence itself makes curses quiver. a sense of rage boils up within you, hearing the name of the gojo clan itself makes your teeth grit.

your eyes narrow for a moment as you faintly hear his voice on the other side of the phone, words being exchanged. “stop calling, im almost there.” shoko hung up, her attention diverting back to you. she doesn’t miss the scowl on your face. “something wrong?”

“oh, no, nothing.” you snap out of your trance before your kettle could pop, your lips curling upward. “who’s ‘satoru’?” you fake a curious look. play dumb — that’s it.

“you don’t know satoru gojo?” shoko lets out a humorous laugh, faltering a little when she sees the serious look on your face. “he’s from one of the big clans, the strongest sorcerer of our generation, they say.” she simply shrugged. “don’t worry about it, he’s all talk, no bark.” she gives you a reassuring look, not what you would of expected from a gojo clan member — but perhaps you should take her word for it, for now.

theres a strangely comforting silence as you follow behind her, you could feel the air getting chilly and shivers vibrating through your body. shoko doesn’t seem to be affected much by it. maybe i should’ve brought a coat.

“anyways, we’re at the outskirts of tokyo now.” you squint your eyes, seeing a big building a few feet away. “well, you’re officially a sorcerer now. its not as exciting as it sounds, though.” she gives you a teasing look.

“i know that.” you roll your eyes. you both take a few more steps, finally arriving at the gate. behind the gate you spot multiple buildings. you have to stand still and collect your breath for a moment, so this is jujutsu tech.

“woah, it’s huge.” of course you knew a place with sorcerer’s from one of the biggest clans wasn’t going to be any joke, but it’s hard not to be swayed by such a breath-taking place.

“come on, lets go.” she takes your hand and walks through the gate. you closely inspect every sight on your way. wow, this place was pretty. you’re almost jealous of it’s radiance.

you’re taken to a bridge where shoko spots a familiar lean figure slouched against the railing with a sulky pout. the chalk-white hair that fell over his eyes, having to push them back with his long fingers and you almost get a view of the famous six eyes the gojo family is known for — those serene blue eyes that can put you in a daze with a look — wait, are you in a daze?

“not you too..” shoko slams her face causing you to snap out of your daydreams in a panicked oh! “im going to hide your face with a cardboard box one day, i swear.” a nasty side-eye was sent satoru’s way.

you thought him ‘charming people with one look’ (such big talk!) was mere gossip amongst the crowd. i mean, he couldn’t be that beautiful right?

you’ve never been more wrong.

“huuuuuh? so it’s my fault now?” satoru crosses his arms, a pout visible on his face. shoko already knows his ego is already swelling with pride, ‘cause he just can’t control the fact that he’s oh-so beautiful, can he?

“oh. . uh.” you finally realize his tall figure looming over you, taking a few steps back as he sizes you up, those piercing cold eyes were antagonising, anything but friendly. resentment runs through your body — it really is him, satoru gojo.

“this is stupid.” satoru let out a huff, pulling away and crossing his arms. “we don’t need a replac—“ satoru freezes in place when he catches the striking scowl on shoko’s face. “whatever. it’s ‘nice’ to meet you.” how much more pettier could he get?

“wellllll, ahem.” you let out a cough, trying to compose yourself. “my apologies. you’re satoru right?” you ask with a friendly smile on your face, but it’s almost like he can see through it with the way he eyes you. as if his icy orbs were poking right through your skull, did a shiver just run down your spine?

“it’s gojo to you.” a huff escaped his mouth and he turned away, refusing to even look at you, as if he was destined to hate you the exact moment you met — well, at least that’s something you both have in common.

shoko could only smack her forehead with her palm. when suguru joined sorcery, him and satoru didn’t hit it off immediately, it took them a while to get used to eachother’s company and get over their silly rivalry.

yet she has this strange feeling it might not be the same with you.

“ignore him, he’s just been a big whiny bitch about about the idea of a replacement.” shoko places a hand over your shoulder, ignoring the offended look satoru gave her, he was no ‘whiny bitch’ about it.. okay, maybe he was… just a little.

“speaking off..” you finally take your chance. “why’d your old teammate leave?” as soon as the words spilled out of your throat, you quickly notice how a cold tension develops in the air. you take a glance at satoru, oh. he doesn’t look very pleased you brought that up. .

“what’s it to you?” he snickers, tone comes off with an edge of hurt. he can’t say he’s over it, that he moved on, that would be a blatant lie. the reoccuring images of that day play in his head, not a single flaw in the vision of that scene — and it hurts.

you almost feel bad for bringing it up, since it clearly wasn’t the. . ‘right time’. you rub your hands together, its cold. was it always this chilly out here?

“i was just ask—“ “well, it’s none of your damn business.”

you can almost feel his glare, as if it was stabbing daggers right through your mind. teeth clenching, you hate that look, it’s just like them all. just like every other g—

“we’ll talk about it later.” shoko finally says something, you let out a breath you didn’t even know you were holding. “im going to show her around for a bit, satoru. bye.” shoko waved as she quickly pulled you away from the bridge. phew.

“so i definitely killed the mo-“ you’re immediately cut off. “don’t bring that up in front of him, god.” shoko laughs. “it’s a sensitive topic for him.”

shoko looked up for a brief moment, exhaling. “suguru — he was our old teammate. they both were practically inseparable, i’m guessing you know he left and all.” you take in her words, suguru geto, of course you already knew who he was.

“im guessing you also wont tell me why he left.” you laugh, yet a curious gaze still present, hoping to hit the jackpot. “well.” shoko lets out a quiet hum and you’re kept on your toes, anticipating, as if watching a love confession in a movie. come on. .

“why do you wanna know so bad?” ah, shit. you almost let a groan leave your lips, you knew it was never going to be that easy, yet it’s just as frustrating.

“im just a little curious, from the things i heard he did some prettyyy crazy things, y’know?” woah, good save. “i can’t argue with you on that.” shoko laughs bitterly. “ill tell you some other time, though. its your first day here, let me tour you for real.”

you nod at her words, trailing behind her as she leads you to a hallway. you take a good look around — must be the dorms.

“so this is where the dorms are.” you look to the direction shoko points at. “your dorm is the one on the right, next to.. satoru’s.” she gives you an apologetic look. “theres no other rooms with essentials as of now, hope he wont be a big pain in the ass for you.”

you acknowledge her words, slowly moving to the room, paying a lot more attention to satoru’s door than yours — there was nothing special about it, yet you can’t shake the feeling that everything’s going a bit.. too smooth. your dorm being right next to his is like a lottery ticket, it’ll make everything much easier, but it’s almost too good to be true — or maybe you’re just overthinking it.

aside from that, it’s also not the best thing in the world. it’ll be perfect for your mission, and yet one day you might just end up punching that arrogant expression on his face from irritation — a double edged sword, they say.

“you can do whatever you want with the room, you listening?” you turn back to shoko, giving her a half-hearted smile. “oh, yeah, definitely.” shoko gives you a suspicious look. “ill take your word for it.. anyway, Mr. Yaga wants to see us tomorrow for a mission so you can prepare for that.”

“wow, mission already? it’s not a piece of cake, huh?” you joke. “consider yourself lucky, a lot of people have it way worse.” she teases you. “im going to go back to my own room — 303 if you’ve got any questions.” she gives you a pat on the shoulder before heading to the third floor, leaving you with the key to your dorm.

you slowly approach the door, finding yourself inspecting the door carefully as if something might jump out and hurt you, paranoid much.

rest assured, there was nothing set up. (obviously. .) you’re fiddling with your keys, about to open the door—

footsteps. the noise causes your ears to perk up immediately, turning around in a defensive stance to see whoever it is— oh.

“woah.” satoru raises his hand in the air defensively. “you ‘tryna to kill me or something?” redness spreads across your face as you immediately stand up straight. “im not armed, that was just a reflex.” you shoot him a glare. clearly, both of you were still petty about earlier.

“you were reaaaaalll nice with shoko huh?” suddenly he’s leaning in close. too close. is he onto you? is your journey over right here right now? maybe you were stupid for thinking you co- “there’s no mistake about it..” he scratches his chin.

“what?” you clench your fist in annoyance, its like your patience disappears whenever it comes to him.

“you’ve got a bug in your hair, do you even wash it?”

. . . .

“wait, what?” a rush of panic washes over you. “where is it!? wait, gojo!” you look up to him with a pitiful expression, only to be met with a teasing smirk. “ohhh, so you’re scared of bugs.” he’s saying it as if he’s keeping tabs on you or something. . he definitely is.

“i was just playing with you.” he shrugs nonchalantly. “seriously, how are you gonna fight a curse if you’re scared of a ‘lil ole bug?” oh this little tease.

“you’re seriously. asking to be punched, gojo.” you attempt to come off as intimidating as you can. unfortunately for you, you’re dealing with the cockiest man on this planet.

“what happened to ‘yer nice little demeanour huuuh? or does it just not apply t’me?” he’s easily towering over you, you don’t know why he’s so.. adamant to get to you. every word that comes out of his mouth — god, give me patience.

“bold of you to assume you deserve a single ounce of kindness.” ouch. the exasperated look on his face proved he did not take your comment lightly.

“oh yeah? don’t get arrogant just ‘cause you happen to get picked as a replacement.” there’s a strange venom in his words, you can’t tell whether it's targeted towards you. just why did he have to be so hard to read?

“just what are you so mad about, that you have to come bother someone else about it?” you bite back. “oh, yeah, me mad, suuuuureee. as if you didn’t look like you wanted to kill me a few seconds ago.” he retorts right back at you.

this isn’t how it’s supposed to go. you’re supposed to be nice to him and gain his trust — but that lingering anger in your heart is taking over you, the same coldness you loathe feeling — that cold look in his eyes, its just like them all. it’s like your feelings are speaking for you, as if your heart is pouring itself out.

present you would laugh at the fact that just an hour ago, you thought you’d be able to befriend him with ease. like a walk in the park, you’ll shoot him a kind smile just like you did with shoko, compliment his eyes maybe, yet it seems like you were destined to be enemies at first sight.

“and you know what? maybe you should be careful, ‘cause i will.” you shoot back, but satoru’s obviously not taking your threat seriously — ‘what could a wimp like her do to me?’

“oh please.” he grabs the collar of your shirt. “if you want me to be the last thing you see ill make it happen right n-“

“satoru, what are you doing?” a stern voice is heard from behind satoru and he immediately pulls away. you immediately recognise the man as the principle — Masamichi Yaga.

“nothinnggggg.” what a liar, you almost want to rat him out but technically it’s your fault as well. . .

“you’re the new student, aren’t you?” the man approaches you while satoru quietly observes. “yeah-“ your voice comes out in a stutter. “i am..”

“it’s your first day here, and you’re already fighting with that lunatic.” a grumble escaped his lips. his tone held a sense of aloofness, he doesn’t seem like someone who plays around. “don’t let me find this behaviour continuing.”

“but he started it f-“ you don’t even have time to respond and he’s leaving. your first encounter with the principle and its great, wow.

“but sirrrr, but heee..!” satoru mocks you from the side, and you have half a mind to not kick him in the face right there.

“im done arguing with an immature jerk like you.” you declare confidently, knowing you’re just as immature as him. “woooooah, look at miss victim being the bigger person, aren’t you sooo admir-“ by the time he’s done talking, you’ve already slammed the door to your room shut, causing him to flinch a little.

“gee, she’s ‘annoyin alright.” satoru opens the door to his own room with his key. walking inside and flopping onto the bed immediately. the AC is turned on in a beat. satoru can feel his mind relax as the cool air hits his body.

today’s tiring. there’s a lot of new unwanted thoughts swarming his mind, many of them being you.

in fact — ever since he heard about you replacing suguru, he’s been unable to help the hatred that filled his heart. is it hatred? or is he scared? the thought of someone else taking suguru’s place, for some reason, it irks him.

“maaaan, feelings are just as annoying as her.” satoru grumbled, resting his head on his arms. “i swear ‘somethin about her rubs me the wrong way.”

he’s not taking himself too seriously. he’s probably just thinking about it too much because he’s overwhelmed. he’ll take a nap and forget about it soon enough. (if only he followed his ‘divine intuition’.)

you, on the other hand, are quite literally panicking. unable to even lay down on your bed. you’re staring at the wall in disbelief, you’ve made it so far, you can’t afford to mess up now. but that look in his eyes — it brings back too many memories you’ve been wanting to forget.

maybe he was just playing around when you were fighting, but you’ve realised it now. he really can kill you if he wanted to. it makes you doubt yourself — if you even hold a fraction of his power. you knew it was never going to be easy, but it makes you wonder.

“just how will i assassinate gojo satoru?”

(˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶) TAGLIST : @kuroogguk @ilovelinkk @kr1nqu @creamflix (open!)

★ ˎˊ˗ a/n : first chapter !! uh funfact reader was not suppose to have ulterior motives and the story was just suppose to be a simple rivals to lovers thing but while reader was talking to shoko i was like, why not give her a cliche assassin story 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️ hope you enjoyed reading!!

[hellfirecvnt]

Don't Piss me Off (Pt. 2)

John Q. (Simon) X Fem!Reader

Warnings: Smut, oral (female receiving), "public" sex, unprotected sex (don't do that), poor life choices.

Summary: You still can't stand sticking around your parents for too long, but you stay in town for a while longer just to see him play. PART ONE IS HERE!!

Notes: I love him. I'm gonna write a million versions of the same story I stg. I didn't proof read. I got like 6 ideas at once and they're all getting written at the same time.

In the basement of a warehouse you'd assume abandoned, Simon and his band consisting of a handful of less ill-tempered, but just as dirty and dead-looking men set up for their performance. They're all spitting insults at each other as they scramble to plug in each meticulous piece of shoddy equipment they've acquired.

Simon's preoccupied. Clearly stuck on the thought of you. He realized hours ago that he never told you about the show tonight. He's wrapping the wire of the mic around his fist when he overhears the stagehands. "I didn't make it to Y/N's last party, I figured there would at least be one more before she bolted."

"She went back home?" Simon interrupts.

"Yeah, man. She left today, I'm pretty sure." The stagehands hoist a large amp to its spot, leaving Simon in the silence of realizing you two have no way of contacting each other. That's it. He shrugs his shoulders, brushing off any disappointment, as he's used to things falling through. Nothing's special to someone like him, or that's what he tells himself. He reaches into his back pocket and reveals a pair of underwear that had gotten tangled with his clothes when you did his laundry. He chuckles at the thought of how he would've made you think he stole them on purpose. He stuffs them back into his pocket and gets ready to perform as people start piling in the small venue.

You're nearly flooring it back to that gas station. Once inside, you leap over the counter and snatch the poster from the wall. "God damn! You could've just asked for the fucking flyer, man!" The cashier exclaims, certain you were attempting to rob the store.

"I don't have time!" You yell behind you as you sprint out the door. "Old fuckin' Mill building? Where the fuck is that?" You mumble to yourself, frustrated. You read that Psyops isn't set to play for another 30 minutes, so you speed around town to every old and decrepit site you can find. Four failures before you find the warehouse hosting the show tonight. "Finally!" You slam the van in park before bolting to the door.

"It's $10 to get in," a nonchalant man at the door huffs. You shove the money into his hand and he opens the large, black, graffitied door behind him. You're not shy in a crowd, so when you hear the boisterous speakers blasting the sound of guitar riffs through the building, you start shoving. The vibration sends the decently sized crowd into a wave of cheers and you finally make your way toward the front. You can hear a voice over the speakers, Simon. It's hard to make out what he's saying, but once the song starts, the crowd starts moving.

You're being jostled around for most of the set. Song after song, you try to force yourself to the front, but to no avail. Finally, once Simon takes one step off the slightly raised platform on which they're performing, you can reach him. His grip is white-knuckled around the microphone, now's your chance. You lunge forward and wrap a hand around the mic, pulling yourself forward. Confused and annoyed by the sudden tugging, Simon pulls back, effectively breaking through the wall of people blocking you. The moment your eyes meet his, under his ski mask, he grins. In the moment bringing you before him, he'd missed a few bars of the song, but effortlessly picks back up once you're front and center.

It feels like his eyes are locked on you for the rest of their set. You hate to admit it, but it's a hell of a show. The energy of the crowd, their presence on stage. No wonder Simon feels so strongly about it. He's a different person when he's John Q. An alias you found out about when you were seniors, and you hoped staying quiet about it would've shown him you weren't the snitch, but instead it took a coke bender several, several years later. Plus, he wasn't much less of a loser than you were. Who fucking cared back then that he has a stage name?

After Psyops' set, you and Simon slip outside for a smoke. Riled up from the show, he's too abuzz to make sure his face matches the angry stare he usually wears. "Someone said you were headed home already, didn't think I'd see you at a show any time soon," he says, lighting a cigarette.

"Said I would," you echo his words from his promise to back you up next time you got yourself into an altercation. "Can't let fucking John Q. be more trustworthy than me." Simon laughs at the mention of his stage persona. "I like the mask, though."

"Oh, yeah? That do somethin' for you?" He teases, reaching into his pocket for the mask, but pulling out a different wad of fabric. "Oops," he laughs, dangling your panties in front of you.

"Is that my fuckin' underwear, you god damn pervert?" You curl your lip, put off by the invasive behavior.

"They might be yours, I don't know. I get a lot pussy." Simon smirks with his eyes darkened on you.

"Jesus Christ, what the fuck-" you're ready to lay into him, too violated to make any excuses despite how attractive he looks with messy hair and drying sweat.

"Calm the fuck down, they got mixed up with my shit when you washed my clothes at your house," he laughs. You roll your eyes and jump to grab them, but he's too quick. You miss the swipe and are now a great deal closer to him. "I'm gonna hold on to these," he says with a low voice as he scoops you against him with a hand placed on the small of your back. A second passes like an eternity and the two of you lock lips as he stuffs your underwear into his pocket again, allowing some of the silk and lace detail to hang out. As the kiss deepens, his hands move down your body, to your thighs before he grips your ass roughly. Soft moans escape against his lips as he gropes various parts of your curves.

"Do you know how worked up you get me?" He whispers between the press of your kiss. "Thought you left before I could get a taste." He reaches for your eyelet belt, but you stop him.

"Someone's gonna see us."

"Call it an encore," he mumbles before going back at your belt, but you swat him away again.

"At least take me around back, dumbass." You grab a fistful of his shirt and nearly drag him around the corner. It's dark and concealed from any passerby. He lifts you up onto a pad-mounted transformer and wraps your legs around him, still moving his head in sync with yours as each of your tongues explore each other's mouths.

"I guess I was kind of a prick to you back in the day, huh?" He whispers, running his hand through your hair.

"You were an angry piece of shit, yeah. We fuckin' or having a breakthrough?"

"Shut the fuck up for a second," he snaps. "I'm trying to apologize." He slips your denim shorts off your legs and all but falls to his knees in front of the large metal, green box you're sat on. His nimble index finger hooks around your thong and pulls it to the side. You barely have time to process what his "apology" will be before he plunges his head between your thighs. You fight to stifle a surprised moan as he conducts his skillful movements against your sensitive skin.

"Simon, oh, my God!" You whine, arching your back against the friction. He laughs against your skin sending waves of vibrations through your legs. One of his hands is occupied holding your panties to the side, the other is hooked around your hip, holding you securely in place as he meticulously works you over the edge.

"You want me to stop?" He asks, lips framed with drenched facial hair.

"No! No, I-" he cuts off your plea, resuming his position.

"Then stop fighting me," he snaps, harshly pinning you to the metal with the hand he had hooked on your hip. The stimulation quickly builds up, becoming too much, too quickly. You throw your head back and tangle a fist in his hair as he guides you through the high. Your legs shake and threaten to close around him, but his grip is too strong. You remain exactly where he wants you until you've ridden out your orgasm. You're slumped back on your elbows with your head down, breathing heavily as you return to reality.

Simon towers over you where you lay, staring down at you with his dark-circled eyes. You look up and watch him teasingly wipe his mouth, licking his lips like you're the first thing he's devoured in months. He slips your shorts halfway up your legs for you, leaving the rest of the work for whenever you can feel your legs again. "Um," you sigh. "Apology accepted."

"Tits."

"Is 'tits' good?" You furrow your eyebrows. He sighs, rolling his eyes and shaking his head.

"You're leaving tonight, huh?" Simon lights a cigarette.

"Well... That's the plan." You feel a pit in your stomach when you think about going back home. The place is nice, it's far away. It's what you wanted, but life is full and meaningless. You don't have friends out there, it didn't strike you how hard it'd be to meet people in your mid 20s.

"You don't sound so sure about that plan, Y/N." He exhales a cloud that illuminates under the street lamp's orange glow.

"It's boring out there, but it's quiet. It's peaceful. My parents aren't in my ear telling me trying something new could kill me." You shrug.

"That's why you're running? Because of your frigid bitch mom and dad?" Simon laughs as if it's the funniest thing he's ever heard.

"Okay, well. You know, maybe don't call them that or I'll lay you the fuck out, but yeah." You stand and fasten your shorts and belt, knees still threatening to buckle. "You had a hand in me leaving too."

"I know, I apologized!" He gestures to your trembling legs and you laugh.

"Yeah, yeah," you wave your hand at him. "Where'd you go? I was in town for weeks. I thought you were in the pin."

"I didn't want to overstay my welcome," he chuckles. "Or watch another fuckin' 80s movie with the volume on ten." He turns to look at you and he smirks.

"Well, my parents are in town now. I still have the rest of this week off. I was gonna spend it getting unpacked, but-"

"Fuck that. Let's go, you're driving." He walks off around the building toward the parking lot and you're dumbfounded for a moment.

"Of course I'm driving, it's my van!" You scramble after him. He hops in your passenger seat and you pull out of the lot, leaving his disgruntled band mates to pack up their own equipment. "You're not gonna help them?"

"What for? My shit's in the van. It's a microphone."

"Yeesh, sorry. Forgot you're actually kind of the worst when your head's not between my legs," you tease and Simon can't suppress a smile. As you cruise down the dark road, bright blue lights ignite in your mirrors. "Fuck. Get it the back." Simon wastes no time, he throws himself in the spacious rear area of the van as you pull over. You both wait anxiously for the cop to approach the window. Everything feels silent, until you finally hear the footsteps.

"I'm gonna run," Simon whispers, hand on the rear door latch.

"Don't." You demand sharply, rolling down your window for the cop. The air feels still and tight. It seems like it takes hours for the cop to speak, but when he does it's a routine traffic stop. He asks you if you knew how fast you were going and you innocently explain the floating nature of your speedometer. The officer laughs when he reads your ID and sees your last name.

"You're Frank's kid, right?"

"Yeah, his one and only." You beam, proudly. Happy to name drop your wealthy family.

"You just try to slow it down and tell your dad I said hello, alright?" The cop taps your door twice and sends you on your way. As you pull off, Simon peeks out from under the blankets and sighs with relief.

"Holy shit, with the way this thing looks, you should've been strip searched." Simon tosses himself back into the passenger seat.

"Don't shit-talk my van," you hiss. Simon proceeds to tell you where to go, each turn and shortcut, until you reach a large white house, almost as status defining as your parents'.

"My parents are out of town." He points to a concealed area to park and leads you to a basement door. He fights with a key for a moment before leading you inside. It's a messy basement room with red walls and posters from ceiling to floor. Instruments take up most of the space, aside from the bed.

"Do you avoid your parents like me, or do your parents avoid you?" You ask, bluntly, not considering the weight of that question.

"Both, I guess." He says after a long pause.

"You... Wanna smoke?" You ask, unsure how to navigate the silence.

"Can't. Fucks with my motivation," he grins. You shrug, rolling and smoking a joint by yourself while Simon works on some songs. He's got an ear for every instrument in his room, and he layers them over each other, creating complex instrumentals. It's nice to listen to while you lie on his bed and watch the swirling tendrils of smoke twist into the light and air above you.

"It sounds nice," you hum, settling into the cozy divot in the center of his mattress-on-the-floor.

"Write something for it," he commands, tossing a notepad and pen at you.

"Like lyrics? Why?" You stare at the blank page, unable to read the layers and layers of writing indented into it from Simon's heavy, angry hand.

"You need an out, I'm giving you one." He leans back in the rolling chair he resides in, staring me down like a hawk.

"I don't think I'm a very musical person. I think I'm more of a doodler, really," you argue, scribbling in the corner of the paper.

"Just fuckin' write something down and stop being a pussy." He snatches the pen from you and tosses it onto the pad.

"Bitch- How does that make me a pussy?" Your eyes narrow at him.

"It'd be too vulnerable. You're no tougher than that kid you were in high school. It's all fake now." It's clear he's taunting you. Making a fair attempt at reverse psychology.

"Fuck you, give me a minute," you huff, writing a line or two to start with. "Play your shit again." And he does. Restarting the instrumental he put together just for you. After a while, you've written something and you sling the notepad at Simon. He takes a moment to read through it a few times, almost trying to decode the melody of how I'd sang it in my head.

"Perfect. Now sing it." He nods toward his microphone stand.

"Fuck's sake, dude. Are you serious?" You whine, pushed further and further out of your comfort zone.

"Come on, let's see what you got," he says in a tone that lets me know I've already lost the argument.

"It doesn't feel good to be vulnerable to you."

"Tough it out." You roll your eyes at his demand, but you do it. You tough it out and recite your song over the music he provided. He hits 'restart,' and then 'record,' and then he points to you. After a measure you begin to sing. Low effort, but still angelic. Your song is about the feeling of being homesick no matter where you end up. It's about running and putting up a face as a defense mechanism. It's about wearing a mask.

When you're done singing and the music fades out, Simon slides the headphones off his ears. "That... Was tits." He looks elated. Like a poor painter with a new pallet.

"Is 'tits' good?" You ask again, emphasizing the lack of answer last time you asked.

"Yeah, 'tits' is good." He grins. "That was good."

"Fuck you. Who's not vulnerable?" You curl your lip, clearly more moved by the challenge than the release he was offering. Simon just shakes his head.

"Let's mix it." He beelines for the computer and begins fine tuning the song. You're watching in awe of his quick skill at this craft. As if watching him play all those instruments wasn't impressive enough. The night grows older. Simon offers you your favorite party favor, but you're over it. So the two of you share a joint.

"You don't ever get tired of living in a circle?" You ask through a cloud of smoke.

"A fuckin' circle?" He looks at you.

"Just, still in this town, still avoiding your parents, still making music alone in your room."

"Fuck," he huffs, offended but acknowledging the truth in your words. "Do you ever get tired of running from it?"

"Touché." You bring the joint to your lips as you lie in his disheveled bed. His arm snaked around you ages ago, slowly pulling you closer and closer to him. Like he's worried you'll float away.

"If our only two options are run away or get sucked into this shit hole of a town, I think we're a little fucked, don't you?" He chuckles to himself.

"Maybe those aren't the only options. We just don't have all the answers yet. I don't think anyone does." Your voice is wistful and quiet. You can feel Simon's eyes on you, but you stare at his dark ceiling. He rolls his eyes at your corny words, but he knows you're right. "It's funny, because if I could run from the uncertainty too, I would." You giggle, aware of your vices and poor coping skills.

"Yeah, you would," Simon mocks.

"And you? You're just going to live with it? Sit right beside the discomfort and accept that for yourself? Have you ever tried to give yourself more, even if it meant running?" You're slowly building up a sense of passion behind your words and Simon just listens, staring deeply into your eyes as you speak. Suddenly, you're cut off when he wraps a hand around the back of your head and pulls you into a kiss. His lips crash into yours and the two of you melt into each other.

You can't even remember what you were saying, you just know you don't want to stop touching him. The heat of the kiss begins to swell as Simon's hands trail up and down your body. He's grabbing at you in a specific order, like he's been waiting to get his hands on it. Really get his hands on it. You grasp at the hem of his shirt, tugging in semblance to take it the fuck off, and he does.

His broad, pale chest rises and falls with anticipation as you strip off the same article of clothing. "Jesus Christ," he moans, pulling you to him to shove his face directly between your breasts. He breathes deeply, taking you in. With one swift motion, he's hoisted you on top of him, your legs straddling his waist. Simon unfastens the button on your jeans before tossing you to the side to undress you.

You're both naked and greatly anticipating the next moment your skin will touch. Seconds feel like hours until you're pressed against each other again. Simon buries his face in the crook of your neck as he guides his throbbing erection to your entrance. You're squirming and arching beneath him, and he releases a breathy laugh as he watches you writhe. "You're aching for it," he groans.

"Fuck you," you hiss, pulling him closer to you by his shoulders. All he does is chuckle before slowly slipping inside you. You moan loudly as you adjust to his size. Something about a lanky, dead-eyed man. His pace is steady as he rocks his hips against yours, picking up speed as you gush around him. Soon his thrusts are hard and rough, and your loud, vulgar moans echo off his bedroom walls.

"God, you're so fuckin' tight," he huffs, pulling out of you and tossing you aside. Simon quickly repositions you in front of him, on all fours. You let your back arch naturally, putting on a bit of a show for him as he watches you. His eyes are darkened and his smirk sends chills down your spine. You can't help but smile wide in excitement. With two round hands, he grabs your waist and positions you at the perfect height. His hands wander the soft flesh of your ass as you press up against him. "You drive me fucking crazy..." He sighs as he slips inside you.

Simon digs the tips of his fingers into your skin, pulling you against him with every violent thrust. You do everything you can to contort your body to give him more of you. He throws his head back, falling into a sloppy, unsteady pace. His breathing is wild and primal all the way up until the point of climax. You release a loud, fluttering moan as he fucks you through your high, quickly withdrawing to finish on your back and ass. You're both breathless for a while, the room is silent but for the sound of your lungs filling and deflating.

Simon climbs off the bed, but you're too fucked out to even raise your head up to watch where he's going. Moments later, he returns, towel in hand. He cleans you up and lands a hard smack on your right ass cheek. The sound is thunderous against the silence. You yelp and break into quiet chuckles.

Finally, you have the strength to roll over. You sit up against the mess of pillows that became a sort of headboard for his bed, feeling beautiful and bare before him. It's a nice feeling that you're not used to. Sure you've had your flings, but it's never occurred to you how quickly you tend to leave or cover up after. Not this time. You're both fully exposed and Simon's eyes drink you in, one last time before he speaks. "Don't go back." You stare at him for a long while, silent.

"I won't," you gasp, surprised by your own promise. As soon as the words leave your mouth, his lips are on yours. In the next few days, you quit your job and Simon rides with you to go back and get the most important of your shit. The rest goes with the trailer when you sell it. You don't run a single thing past your parents and you don't tell them you're coming back to town. It's a new sense of peace and adventure, though it feels like abandoning your old life.

After a month of van living, you and Simon get an apartment and constantly receive complaints about the noise, but nothing stops the music overflowing from your floor of the building. A new sense of bliss. It's comfortable now.

[lethalhades]

The sins of one were the sins of all

(Honestly I wrote this because my girl just needs a fucking hug and IM TIRED😭🙏🏾)

Themes: jinx x fem reader, hurt and comfort, we braiding her hair twin.

Didn’t proof read this or nothing I just cooked.

Navigating the dim, twisting pathways of the underground wasn’t how you planned to spend your day, but finding Jinx was all that mattered now. As you searched, a place suddenly came to mind. a spot she’d likely retreat to, a familiar hideaway.

Without hesitation, you picked up the pace, heading straight for the Last Drop and slipping in through the back door.

Your footsteps reverberated off the walls as you climbed the narrow staircase toward Silco’s office. In the past, just approaching this door would have made your skin crawl, the weight of his presence heavy and unsettling. But now… that feeling was gone, vanished with him the night he was killed.

All that remained was an empty silence behind the door, where his shadow used to linger.

Your fingertips lightly grazed the door before you pushed it open, the creak echoing in the empty room, confirming what you already suspected…Silco’s office was vacant.

You’d hoped to find Jinx here, but a part of you knew it was a long shot. Still, as you stepped inside, your eyes fell on the desk, where a map lay scattered with Jinx’s chaotic scribbles, a sign she’d been here recently.

Almost on instinct, you reached for the map, lifting it carefully with both hands, including the hexcore-tainted one. You usually kept it hidden beneath your cloak, the sight of it stirring a mix of frustration and shame. Someday, you knew, you’d have to accept it. but for now, it stayed mostly in shadow, a reminder of what you’d become.

“This is the first time I’ve seen your hand in years.” The voice jolted you, and before you knew it, you’d hurled a dagger in her direction, missing the blue-haired woman by barely an inch.

Catching your breath, you glared. “I’ve been searching everywhere for you, and now you decide to show up?” Annoyance laced your words. She slid smoothly off the beam, landing on the desk. That’s when you noticed her long hair was loose, spilling over her shoulders and onto the desk—no braids, just a cascade of untamed blue.

She caught you staring and raised an eyebrow. “I was trying to braid it back, but… Silco always did that for me.” Her raspy voice betrayed no hint of vulnerability; it was like a wall she always kept up around you.

You hesitated, almost tempted to ask why she kept her walls up in the first place, but you knew better than to press her boundaries.

Jinx stared at the ground, her eyes shadowed and distant, tracking your movements as you stepped behind the desk and eased into the old, creaking chair. When your fingers brushed her hair, she flinched, jerking back just slightly. You couldn’t help but wonder if, beneath that tough exterior, she was still afraid.

You’d known each other since she went by “Powder,” before the undercity had forced both of you to grow hard and cold.

You’d come to Zaun after being cast out of Piltover, your family’s sins leaving you no choice. You weren’t like them, but in Piltover, the sins of one were the sins of all. Survival in the undercity was brutal, especially for a kid, and you still remembered how close you’d come to losing your life again and again.

But then, like a spark in the dark, she had come barreling into your life. small but fierce, her blue hair a shock of color in the dim streets. Powder, a kid with more guts than anyone you’d ever known. And on that night, she’d been your savior. A little bomb in her hand, tossed without hesitation, scattering the men who meant to hurt you.

That tiny blast had done more than drive them off. it had bound you and Powder together, two lost souls in the chaos of Zaun.

Back then, she was just another lost kid who had found purpose under Silco’s wing. The pain in her eyes had been unmistakable, a pain you recognized all too well. It was the same haunted look your mother had worn the day she brought ruin upon your family.

If you were being honest with yourself, you’d only decided to toughen up that day because you couldn’t stand the idea of being outdone by someone younger, someone with less to lose. She was three years your junior, but her boldness had sparked something in you, forcing you to swallow your fear and find strength you didn’t know you had. Unlike her, though, you’d never bent the knee to some ruthless leader. You carved your own path, becoming a gun for hire, bound to nothing and no one.

Over the years, you’d killed without hesitation, Piltover elites and undercity rogues alike. Survival demanded sacrifice, and you were willing to make it.

Every now and then, your paths would cross, and you’d catch glimpses of the girl who once called herself “Powder,” now transformed into Silco’s weapon. Meanwhile, you had grown too, honing your skills and eventually joining the Firelights, giving your life a new sense of direction.

Now, with the undercity on the brink, chaos breaking loose at every turn, you looked up from your thoughts to find jinx’s back facing you, her head slightly turned seeing her violet eyes sharp and curious. “What are you doing?” she asked, her voice carrying an edge of suspicion.

“Braiding your hair, if you’d just sit still,” you replied, fingers deftly weaving through her loose blue strands. Her hair, soft but tangled, For a moment, she held still. watching you work with an expression you couldn’t quite read, letting you bring order to just one small piece of her wildness. You were lucky you still had some skill in this, after all the times you’d braided the younger kids’ hair back in the Firelights’ hideout. Your hands knew how to be gentle, even if the rest of you had learned to be anything but.

As you worked, Jinx’s voice broke the silence. “Every day, he had me making something for him. Or doing that stupid eye thing of his, even though he could’ve done it himself,” she muttered, bitterness edging her words as she thought about all the things she’d done for Silco.

You could see the weight of his lies on her, the way they’d sunk deep. She’d believed him completely—why wouldn’t she?

“My mother expected perfection from me,” you said softly, finding a rare thread of common ground. “One slip, one failure, and I was nothing but a disappointment to her.” For a moment, it felt like you and Jinx were standing on the same edge, each of you marked by different scars but both shaped by people who’d held you to impossible standards.

Both of you had been praised for your minds, raised to rise above, only to lose it all. And when you needed someone most, they had all turned away.

“You were just some Piltover rat. You don’t know a damn thing about what it takes to survive down here.”

You met her gaze, the old anger simmering beneath your words. “I know more than you think,” you replied, voice steady and unyielding. “I lost everything before I even got the chance to hold it,” you added, memories of that day, of watching your family fall apart, still as raw as ever.

Jinx scoffed, crossing her arms. “Why are you telling me this? You think I care?”

“No,” you said, fingers deftly weaving the last of her braids. “But I thought you’d understand.” You secured her signature pigtails, then took a step back, crossing your arms as you faced her. “You followed him because you had nowhere else to turn, no one else to show you the way. But he’s gone now, Jinx. And yet, you’re still clinging to his ghost, acting like he’s still here.”

She bristled, eyes flashing. “I’m not mourning him! That’s the last thing I’d ever do for him.”

“Then prove it,” you challenged, voice calm but firm. “Find something real to fight for. Not for a man who only wanted control and used your loyalty to his advantage.”

Jinx took a step forward, her violet eyes sharp and angry as she glared up at you, defiance sparking between you like a fuse ready to ignite. You held her gaze, searching for the truth hidden beneath her rage. In those eyes, you saw things she would never say aloud.

confusion, anger, the scars of betrayal.

It reminded you of that night at the Last Drop, the night you’d tried to pull her away from Silco’s grip and convince her to join the Firelights. She’d laughed it off, but you’d seen the hesitation, the crack in her armor. That night, things nearly went south between you. one wrong word, and a bullet could’ve ended it all. Now, standing here again, that same tension lingered in the air, fragile and sharp, like the calm before a storm.

“Why do you keep acting like you know me?” Jinx’s voice was sharp, bitter, violet blue eyes wild with frustration as she shoved you. “Like you have any clue what I’ve been through!” She pushed you again, harder this time, her finger jabbing into your chest. “You don’t know anything!”

Her anger flared, and she kept pushing, shoving you back again and again until you finally reached out and caught her wrist.

She tried to pull away, struggling against your hold, but you pulled her closer, wrapping your arms around her, holding her tightly. Her fists came down hard on your back, each punch sharp with anger and pain. It hurt, but you didn’t let go, not even as her punches weakened, not even as her shoulders slumped against you.

The room grew quiet, save for the small, choked sobs that broke free as she stopped fighting and finally gave in. Her fingers gripped the back of your cloak, holding on like it was the only thing keeping her grounded.

Her cries were raw, almost hollow, filled with a pain you knew she rarely allowed herself to show.

You just held her, steady and silent, giving her the space to release what she’d been holding back. You didn’t hate her, not for her choices, not for her mistakes. Somehow, despite everything, all you’d ever wanted was to help her find her way back from the darkness.

As her breathing slowed, she didn’t say a word, but her quiet acceptance in your arms told you everything. In that fragile silence, you knew that, at least for this moment.

you were exactly where you needed to be.

[holylulusworld]

Every Breath you take (19)

Summary: There is a shadow following you. He doesn’t know what he got himself into.

Pairing: Stalker!Bucky Barnes x fem!Reader

Warnings: a man out of time, secret admirer trope, “crazy” reader, fluff, domestic life

A/N: You all made me do it! Here’s the series to this random idea: Stalker Bucky & Crazy Reader

Catch up here: Every breath you take (18)

Every Breath You Take Masterlist

“More salt,” you comment as Bucky stirs the sauce. You decided to start over, and the first thing you did was to cook together. “It tastes good but lacks salt.” Licking the spoon, you watch Bucky add more salt.

Since he came back, you tried to talk about the elephant in the room with him. Bucky must, once and for all, realize that he cannot treat you like a caged bird. You’re with him on free terms and don’t want to be treated like a prisoner.

“I didn’t know you could cook.” You try to ease your nerves and talk about anything but what’s on your mind. “It’s nice having a man who can cook.”

“Uh—I’m not much of a cook, but I can try to get better.” Bucky seems to be as nervous as you are. “For you.”

“Bucky,” you begin, but clamp your mouth shut. You sigh, shake your head, and try again. “Okay, we need to talk.”

“Doll, I already told you that I’m sorry." Bucky winces as you cross your arms over your chest. “You’re right. I shouldn’t have locked the cabinets. It was a mistake and won’t happen again.”

“There is a locked room. I assume it’s the basement,” you sniff. “Did you want to put me down there, and that’s why it’s locked?”

“What?” He drops the spoon in his hands. Bucky looks like you slapped him across the face. He winces and shakes his head. “No. I locked it because it’s dangerous. I didn’t want you to get hurt or hurt yourself.”

“What are you talking about?” You huff, frustrated. He’s hiding things from you again, pretending to keep you safe. Whenever you believe you’re making progress, you take ten steps back.

“If you want to, I’ll show you.” Bucky steps around the kitchen counter to touch your shoulder. “I never wanted you to see this side of me, but I don’t want to hide things from you.”

His hand slides down your arm to take your hand. Bucky guides you out of the kitchen and walks straight toward the locked door.

He unlocks the door with his thumb. The door slides aside, and the light automatically turns on. “I go there when the nightmares get worse,” he says, as he guides you down the staircase.

Down in the basement, there’s no furniture but an old mattress on the ground. You wrinkle your forehead as Bucky steps toward the wall.

He presses a button, and the wall suddenly moves aside, revealing a hidden room. On the walls hang weapons of all kinds. Guns, knives, blades, even something that looks like a rocket launcher.

“I hide it down here if we are ever in danger. You know about Hydra, and you know there’s always the possibility that one of them made it out alive.”

“Why the mattress?” You question. The mattress stands out like a sore thumb. It doesn’t belong down here, in weaponry.

“I told you, sometimes my nightmares are worse. I scream and, on very bad nights, I punch the walls or worse. If that happens, I go down here to not scare Alpine or hurt you.”

“Oh…OH!” You feel awful for thinking Bucky tried to hide things from you again. “I understand.”

“It’s for emergencies,” he hastily says as you glance at the weapons again. “I swear, we won’t need them.”

You nod and swallow thickly. Of course, you heard about Hydra and Bucky’s past. You just never thought the big bad guys could try to go after you.

“Better safe than sorry, right?” you stammer. All the guns make you nervous, but you know, Bucky is right. You can never be too careful. Other people get an extra door lock, and you’ve got a whole weaponry.

“Please don’t be scared,” Bucky says, gently touching your arm. “I know this is a lot.”

“Bucky,” you murmur his name and fake a smile. You’re still nervous because of all the weapons, but you don’t want to disappoint him. Bucky showed you his secret and openly talked about his nightmares. “Thank you for your honesty and trusting me.”

“I don’t want to hide things from you, Y/N. You were right. We cannot build this relationship on lies or secrets.”

“Good,” you say, and nod. “We should take care of dinner now. I bet Alpine is hungry too.”

You eat in silence while looking at Bucky. He seems less tense now that he has revealed this secret weaponry to you. Still, there is something you need to say.

“I don’t want you to sleep down there if the nightmares are bad,” you suddenly say. “If you need me, I’ll be there. We are a pair now, and I want to help you if you are sad or scared.”

“Doll, I can be scary when I wake from a nightmare.” He shakes his head. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You won’t,” you state, and put the cutlery aside. You get up from your seat to cup Bucky’s face. “We’re in this crazy thing we got ourselves into together. No more excuses. It’s us against the world now.”

“Us against the world,” Bucky repeats your words. He watches you crawl in his lap and sighs. “You’re crazy, you know.”

“You too,” you giggle. “For choosing me.”

Tags in reblog.

[hellaarknight]

I promised to protect you

⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️

Genre: Angst

Warnings: swearing and mention of physical and psychological abuse, toxic relationship, mentions of bruises and about laying hands on a partner, some of the content may be triggering.

Author note: I would consider this a heavy fic for some. Do not engage if you think it might be triggering.

Images and art from Pinterest if someone knows the original creators let me know so I can tag them properly

⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️

" Well he's not always this bad, he's ok..."

Your weak attempt to defend your shity boyfriend only made Chuuya angrier. Why would you let yourself be in the company of that awful guy, he could never understand. You were bright and nice, powerful and determined and yet you got yourself a... A leech. No, it was worse but he was being generous while describing that abomination of a man... That guy had deemed your light in the past 6 months he's dated you and Chuuya hates himself for allowing you to get with him in the first place.

"Are you even listening to yourself right now?" Chuuya extended towards you a glass of wine.

"Listen Chuuya, I know he's not the man I've dreamed of and doesn't have all the qualities I've wanted my partner to have, but I also have to compromise on some things."

"Not on your dignity."

Your gaze fell on the floor a deep sight leaving your lips. Chuuya ran a hand through his hair, very frustrated. He didn't want to say it like that, but he had enough of seeing you suffer, seeing you renounce your hobbies because that guy deemed them "childish" or seeing you lose your spark when talking about what brought you joy just because your boyfriend found them boring. He knew you were smart, always talked about how you will never lose yourself in a relationship so he didn't really understand why and how you got to this point. Chuuya fell in love with you, but couldn't tell you because of his mafia position and him being away for missions a lot, or work trips how he called them in front of you. Then, when he decided he had to come forward and let you decide if you wanted to give him a chance with all that it would have entailed, he was a month too late. He returned from one long, painful mission and found you in a relationship, one that he despised wholeheartedly, so he chose to remain your trusted friend.

"Listen, I didn't want to say it like that...."

"No, that's not true, you did want to say it exactly like that". Your voice was on the verge of cracking. Something bottled up was about to spill if you weren't careful enough and Chuuya noticed it. The man groaned and took a sip of his wine. Maybe it was time to be honest about it.

" Fine. It's exactly like that. Since you started dating that douchebag you lost yourself. All the things you promised not to compromise on in a relationship happened. You lost your bright personality, you stopped rambling about books, anime and flowers. Hell, you even stopped gardening and that was your therapy. You asked me to stop bringing you flower bulbs from all over the places I go on my work trips and you stopped hanging out with me or your other friends. You stopped wearing your signature perfume and your red lipstick you were so fond of. So I'm sorry, but you're not in a fucking healty relationship! And you're defending that stupid fuck who doesn't do anything with his life and stays at your place, without paying any fucking bill! You left yourself to be a mat for that guy, what is wrong with you!?"

You looked at Chuuya stunned. It seemed that the red head had a lot bottled up as well. For some reason his words stung and made you feel worse. He was right and you fully knew it, but you just couldn't let him know... You could not put him in danger.

Chuuya was deeply unaware of your internal struggles. He only knew what he was seeing and what you were letting him know lately, which wasn't a lot that's for sure. He felt relieved to have finally spoken his mind. At the same time, guilt was eating him alive. This was the first time he raised his voice at you in a serious manner, but he couldn't control it, his anger towards the entire situation had the best on him. You looked frightened to say at least and he could swear that he saw you flinch when he was using his hands to express his thoughts.

Something about your crunched posture, your fidgeting fingers, the way you looked very exhausted made him open his mouth.

"Does he hit you?"

Why didn't it cross his mind sooner? What if you were in an abusive relationship? Your boyfriend's controlling behavior was concerning enough, but if it was worse than he imagined and all this time he blamed you for not keeping your ground? A pit formed in his stomach, he was going to be sick.

"What?? What, no... Is not really like that." You avoided Chuuya's scrutinizing gaze and forced a smile.

He gently reached for your chin and turned your head to face him. His voice was soft, barely a whisper, his gentleness making your heart flutter. Was his calloused hand always this comforting?

"Please, please if anything don't lie to me, especially with things like this. I promised you that I will protect you no matter what, remember?"

"I can't" you shake your head "If I'm telling you everything you're going to act impulsively. He's going to hurt you, he said you'd be the first one to suffer, I'm sorry, I can't..." At this point your cheeks were stained by your tears, your hand cupping his near your face.

Chuuya's heart broke at the sight. It was pitiful, he blamed himself for it. If only he wasn't a coward when it came to feelings. He swore to himself that he'd keep you safe from the mafia world, but that did not mean that in other circumstances he wouldn't be there for you. With his thumb he wiped your tears away.

" I am not going to get hurt, I promise you. There isn't any chance for him to lay hand on me. Don't hide yourself from me anymore, please. You're hurting and it's killing me to see you like this."

Chuuya felt as close to you as ever. Even if you kept your distance from him in the last few months, even if you tried your best to hide the hell you were going to. So you just broke down crying.

Chuuya was quick to pull you towards his chest, wrapping his hand protectively around you. He caressed your back and gave you space to let it all out. He was hurting with you, he hated to see you cry, let alone seeing how broken and hurt you were. He felt like the wall that rose between the two of you had finally collapsed.

" Is ok, is ok, you're going to be okay. I'm here now, you're safe, no one is going to hurt you here, I'll make sure of it. You are safe sweetheart, you're safe." He kept whispering sweet nothings and encouragement words until you got to calm down a bit. He used his gravity manipulation powers to bring closer the tissues and then handed you one.

" You' sure you're ok?" Your nod made him feel at ease, at least for a moment. Then he just grabbed one of your hands and intertwined his fingers with yours, squeezing lightly, silently encouraging you to talk.

" I want you to pinky promise that you won't do anything stupid." Your glossy eyes made Chuuya chuckle.

" You know very well that I can't promise something like that, doll. I'm gn'a promise that I won't get hurt, that I can do."

Your glare only made him raise his shoulder, but that will have to do.

" He... He may or may not have raised his hands at me. I definitely do have some bruises over my body, but they appeared from what he calls accidents. I tripped, or I fell into the chairs from the kitchen but he pushed me..." Chuuya silently listened, his blood boiling in his veins. He was ready to hunt the bastard down and bring him into the Port Mafia's torture chambers.

" ... and I kept all this to myself because he's a member in the mafia and said that he would put you on their killing list if I said anything to anyone so I was scared..."

" WHAT!?" Chuuya couldn't believe what he was hearing, your boyfriend was a what and did what? It was like his worst nightmare came to life but in a very twisted way. That was not plausible, the members in the mafia know very well the consequences of using their status to commit shit like this. Unless it was about some weakling, a newbie who got the hands on a bit of power and now thought nothing would touch him. What the fuck happened?

" I know, I know, it was very dumb of me to stay in the relationship, but I was really scared for you and for my family..."

" No, no, that's not it. Tell me his name and what he told you about being in the Mafia. That motherfucker is about to lose his head."

"Chuuya, you promised that you're not going to do anything stupid!"

"No, doll. I promised that I won't get hurt. But that isn't why I'm saying it. The guy can't use his mafia status however he pleases. There are certain rules even in the Mafia."

You looked at him confused.

" How would you know?"

Chuuya inhaled deeply. It was time to come clean with everything.

" Because I'm an executive in the Mafia and I can guarantee that the motherfucker you're dating isn't going to go about his day and live to tell the tale. I'm sorry, I'm going to explain everything afterwards, I promise. He's at your apartment?"

You were so confused, not really registering what he was saying so you just nodded.

" You stay right here until I come back. Go take a shower, take a bath, go in my office and read a book or you can find some manga collections that I have previously prepared in case you happened to stay here. You can find pajamas for you in the guest room. I'll be back later."

" Where are you going?"

Chuuya smiled and placed a kiss on your forehead.

" I'm going to show that bastard what it actually means to be in the Mafia."

[archive-of-wax]

I don't even know where to start with my love for this post, I've literally been rereading it over and over all day. This is by far the best interpretation of Trudy's parenting I've ever seen. It really captures the complex family dynamic we see onscreen with the twins, both with their mother and each other.

It's easy to focus on Trudy's evident abuse of Bo in the opening scene, but I think this is the first time I've seen anyone really analyse her interaction with Vincent. It's also one of the few times I've seen anyone speculate about his perspective or thoughts regarding his mother and her parenting, and I think you're spot on. Vincent wasn't showered with unconditional love while Bo got constant abuse. He was smothered with overbearing attentiveness that probably caused more issues than it fixed. Helicopter parenting certainly lines up with many traits fans have inferred from Vincent's portrayal, such as perfectionism, overdependence, and an anxious disposition.

I also felt that his perception of their mother wasn't as idolised as Bo's, and would go as far as to say that during his and Bo's kitchen convo I felt a hint of...exhasperation? Even weariness. At Trudy, at Bo's idolised view of her that he seemingly can't reject out loud, maybe even the purpose of their murderplot. I always imagined his feelings towards her to be something like 'I love you but please stop I'm begging you, why are you like this, why can't you be better for us', and I feel like part of that frustration came from knowing that none of the hovering and fussing was ever really for him as much as it was for her to feel better about herself, so any conversation about his feelings on the matter would have been pointless. If not immediately dismissed it would have just caused an argument, and this family has enough of those already, right? No need to rock the boat.

I have also never seen that newspaper clipping about Victor?! Could I ask where you found it? It completely throws loads of backstory theories out the window. Your version makes the lead-up to the murderplot make so much sense too. Bo and Vincent didn't just wake up one day and choose violence for no reason, but rather the pressure slowly built up: their father passing, the mill shutting down and all the jobs disappearing, then the town's inhabitants leaving, and lastly their mother's death. I imagine they found themselves alone in their now dead hometown, feeling washed up, lacking the practical and social skills to set off on their own (Vincent in particular), grieving the most pivotal person in their lives, and fit to burst with rage at the world. With their minds already cracked from their upbringing, and nothing to lose, it's easy to imagine how one thing led to another...Maybe some lost jackass gets a little too cocky with Bo at his mechanic shop, a fight ensues, Bo doesn't quite pull his punches like he knows he should and accidentally kills him. And then all it takes is a 'Yes, I know this is bad, Vince, but listen. You know how you've been having trouble sculpting like mama used to...?'

Anyway yes all this is to say this was a fantastic read! Thank you for sharing your thoughts, hope you don't mind me going on a mad ramble on your post haha. (Also could I ask you to link that study of a similar conjoined case? I've been looking for a real life counterpart to the twins' condition and could not find one for the life of me!)

Trudy refills Vincent’s cereal. He’s 2-3 years old and blind in one eye. He doesn’t need more cereal, he just needs his bowl rotated so he can see the cereal that was left over on his blind side. Not that we necessarily know how Vincent communicates without speech, but she hardly gives him time to answer her question about more before she’s refilling the bowl anyways. This is her approach to parenting her boys in general.

There’s no interest in fixing their actual issues. Rather than help Vincent to see what he already has in front of him, she’d rather add more, inadvertently also adding more onto the side he can’t see. At some point, this would just add to the issue. Overcompensation into overwhelm. Bo is brought in for breakfast kicking and screaming and it’s sort of evident why Trudy puts all her love into Vincent to the point of it being suffocating and unhelpful. Sure it could be a simple case of favoritism, but with the aspect of overcompensation specifically, it seems that she wants to balance her guilt over failing to parent one of her sons by pouring more effort than necessary into Vincent. Rather than giving the extra attention to Bo, it’s refilling a non-empty bowl of cereal.

I don’t think that necessarily mean she loves Vincent more. She finds him easier to parent. Fill the bowl whether or not he needs it because that’s easier than unpacking where Bo’s massive emotional outbursts are coming from. It seems more like love-bombing than genuine kindness. He’s “being such a good boy today,” but the implied part is an unsaid comparison to Bo. As twins, and conjoined twins at that, they’re not independent of each other. Vincent’s behavior exists only to contrast Bo’s, from her perspective. “Fix” his needs, and she can fix them both. Hence, preferring just to duct tape Bo to a chair than help him any.

Then Vincent grows up to become her protege, starting in his childhood but lasting until even after Trudy’s death. Over thirty years have passed since they were toddlers in those high chairs, but Bo gives a hint about why Vince got that ‘special privilege’ to not be as physically abused. “She always said that your talent would make up for what God took away from you.” Only, God didn’t take anything. Victor Sinclair doing illegal, unqualified surgery on his babies is why Vincent lost half of his face. Trudy only uses God’s name and religion as a shield for her own guilt about how her boys turned out. But it’s more likely she included Vincent in the wax business because she again, was dumping affection onto him over and over as her strategy.

Otherwise there isn’t as much favoritism between the boys. In their childhood photos, they both play piano, both play pool and baseball, both get to sit at the table with their birthday cake (without highchairs or bindings) and they play on the floor together. It's not entirely divisive between them, though it’s still obvious from which brother she’s slapping across his face and which brother she’s love-bombing which she’d prefer to deal with. Just not which she actually cares for more. Vincent wasn’t somehow spared from abuse in a house like the Sinclair household.

Interestingly, when Bo tells the story of Trudy and Victor, he mentions that once the Doc died, they were alone. Except, there’s at least one version of a prop newspaper stating that Trudy created a wax memorial for Victor. So this is just a false version of events most likely. Sure it could be that a decision changed, but there’s also the fact that, in the guns and ammo store, there’s a sign that says “Trudy’s Town or Wax.” And Bo tells Vincent, “We almost finished what mama started.” She’s also much older than the Trudy we see in the family photos and articles (even with the amount of cigarettes that woman smoked.) Ambrose is confirmed to have been abandoned for a decade, but to be turned into wax, Trudy would’ve had to die sometime between the abandonment of Ambrose and the present. Else she would’ve been properly buried most likely. The plan to fill Ambrose was hers, it’s just Bo that suggests using real humans (according to his apology to Vincent, he takes credit for the idea anyhow.)

Which makes her boys at least in their mid twenties when she died. In an older version of the script, Bo had killed her and Victor, but knowing it would put them all in foster care, that doesn’t quite make sense unless they were older. So the order of events is, Doc dying, the sugar mill closing, Trudy planning to reimagine Ambrose, and then dying herself.

The reason that’s important is because it’s emblematic of just how much pressure she was putting on both of her boys. And that’s not love. With two mentally ill, abused sons, (maybe three, since Lord only knows how they treated Lester once he came along,) that’s just manipulation. Victor and Trudy aren’t cartoon super villains for being bad to their boys. But when you can’t even just rotate a bowl slightly for your half blind little one, it’s shallow. Trudy has her cigarettes right in the boys faces in the opening and in most of the photos. Smoking was in one study linked to about 1/3rd of conjoined pregnancies, and in a similar case of conjoinment to the boys, one of the twins had lost an eye and had a prosthetic, but with minimal scarring because of the surgery being done in an actual legal hospital. It’s not about God taking anything, or about which is a little monsted and which is a very good boy- it’s about Trudy and Victor both messing up from the very beginning and causing the boys losses, then refusing to take accountability for it. Or, in the symbolic sense, to just do the right thing and turn a damn bowl of cheerios towards your blind kid.

[feuillesss]

how is the other riize members seeing seunghan's situation? are they planning something too?

How The Other RIIZE Members Feel About The Situation

***DISCLAIMER***

I do not know these idols personally! This is just my interpretation of the cards that I pulled, please take this reading with a grain of salt. For entertainment purposes only.

( day/month/year - 12/11/24 )

How do the other Riize Members feel?

Wonbin: (Death/TheWorld/2pentrev)

He wanted to go first, his energy was very open with this, though he didn't have much to say. It seems like Wonbin saw this as a period in time where a lot was changing, he was struggling to accept these changes and put them into action. He feels hopeful that after this situation, they can make a new beginning for themselves, there's a lot of hope here. There's some anxiety for the future, like will he be able to achieve his dreams and his goals. He's been feeling overwhelmed and exhausted by this situation, there's a lot to work through, a lot on his plate.

Shotaro: (7ow/10os/Kiow)

This situation has made Shotaro more determined to fight for what he wants, I get the feeling that he admires the effort that people are putting into this, the way they're standing their ground. He's working extra hard to maintain Riize's position and success as a group. "There's nowhere to go but up." is what I got from this. He really feels like they have nothing to lose, this is making him bolder, more stubborn and assertive. I think this situation hit Shotaro pretty hard, and it's been an exhausting period of time mentally, physically and emotionally. There was hopelessness, like his hands were tied, he didn't have a say in anything. He's being very bold now, a lot bolder than he was, like I said, he doesn't think they have anything to lose, so he thinks why shouldn't he be? He's looking at the big picture, he has a vision of what he wants Riize to be and he's taking the steps to achieve that. He feels like they're at the end of a long, difficult journey, their hard work is about to pay off, good things are around the corner. There optimism here, Shotaro's got a plan, and he's implementing it.

Sohee: (8pent/6ow/4ocrev)

Sohee believes that Riize will come back stronger after this situation. He's been throwing himself into his work, practicing his skills and really focusing on bettering himself. With the four of cups, I got such a strong feeling that it's toward Seunghan, 'get up, stop moping, work hard and come back'. I feel like Sohee was encouraging Seunghan a lot during this period. This situation maybe made Sohee realise the bad sides of being an idol, it broke his illusion in a sense. He felt like his life and career were turned upside out, just a general period of chaos and uncertainty. The six of wands was a little difficult to interpret since it came out sideways, but I got the feeling that he receives a lot of praise, like he should be feeling confident and happy and proud about everything, but he doesn't?

Eunseok: (Kiocrev/8oc/10os)

I think Eunseok was really being hard on himself during this period, like beating himself up over his mistakes or something. This affected Eunseok a lot, he really bottled up his feelings and withdrew into himself. I think he was just creating a lot of distance between him and the fans, there was a lot of pressure there. like pressure of making a mistake? He's very frustrated, like his heart's not in it anymore, he lost a lot of his passion for being an idol. He felt like people were being overdramatic and doing too much over Seunghans scandal.

Anton: (Kiocrev/6ocrev/6osrev)

Okay, I got all reversed cards in this reading, so I think Anton was one of the members that was more affected by this. I think Anton also lost a lot of his motivation and passion for being an idol, this situation made him realise the bad parts of being an idol. Like Eunseok, he thought people did too much about the scandal, and did too much with the funeral flowers. There's a general sense of annoyance, he's just done. He could be being colder towards people, and just a general moodiness and anxiety. He seems to be holding onto the past, missing how things used to be. He's realising that being an idol isn't all it's made up to be, not what he thought it would be like. The rose coloured glasses are coming off, and he's seeing it for what it really is. He feels like they have unfinished business, he does not want to move forward without Seunghan. He feels like they were forced into this situation, they had no say or control, he's resisting this change and is pretty annoyed by it.

Sungchan: (TheEmpress/2osrev/2oc/5osrev)

I think Sungchan is feeling hopeful! I got a huge optimistic vibe, he's looking forward to the future. I definitely think Sungchan was also encouraging Seunghan to come back during this time, he seems very in touch with his feminine, nurturing side. He feels like they've reached a stalemate, likely referring to this current situation with the boycott. They can't move forward, and they can't move back, neither party is giving up. He believes that they can only put this decision off for so long, eventually they will have to make it, I'm interpreting this in regards to SM's decision on whether they will bring Seunghan back; since in my reading of whether we would hear anything soon, I got that they were still deciding. I'm kind of getting the vibe of like, 'can't please everyone', and it's creating this stalemate of who they will choose to please. He's very confused about this, there's a lot of anxiety here, he knows there will be negative consequences either way. They're stuck between a rock and a hard place. He feels like now is the time to take action, to stop being passive and make moves.

Are they planning something?: (Kiofwa/Kiopent/2ow)

They're definitely stepping up right now, being bold. A huge theme that I got when doing this reading was their boldness, they won't be complicit. I definitely feel like they're working behind the scenes as well. They want Seunghan back, they want to be 7, that's clear. 2 of wands is all about planning, they're taking risks and working out what they want and how to get it. There's a lot of determination here as well, they won't stop until they reach their goal.

Are they going against the company?: (Knioc/3oc)

They're being very diplomatic right now, they're all planning and discussing, though it seems to be a positive environment. I'm just getting a vibe of optimism and positivity, a celebration, I think it's a good sign, I'm lowkey excited guys.

[blarefordaglare]

The Motivational Fight Fic

Some LUFAU crack (but treated seriously) to motivate my good friend @kikker-oma to make the Sky V. Time comic (healthy motivation, not pressure motivation just to make this clear. It would be very hypocritical, and rude of me to do that)

or I stole your idea, cracked and angsted it at the same time, and giving it back because theft is bad.

oh and TW swearing, kinda blood but not really it’s like mentioned once, and like some family fighting

Oh this is also pre LU when all of them come together, so this is only Sky, Four, and Time (I separate them timeline wise in the beginning, before it breaks, then I take some creative liberties. But it is just these three)

BONUS: SPOT THE NEGATIVE COPING STRATEGIES! THERE’S THREE I TRIED TO IMPLY BECAUSE THERE IS ONE EACH OTHER(well not really for Time)

___

Sky trusted the old man. Out of all his future incarnations, the Hero of Time seemed the wisest. The way his eyes bore a hidden sadness that was warped and shaped into maturity proved his thoughts right. The green on the other’s wings was calming, and the design shown a satisfactory, full life, not a cheerful one. 

His wings, on the other hand, bore a bright red with youth. He wasn’t quite sure why all (if not, most) Skyloftians achieved wings after descending to Hyrule; He had his theories though. Perhaps it was due to the fact Hylia would need to find a hero again, and the flashy color would alert her against the vast world of-

Right. Back to Time. If there was one thing he knew about the color green, it clashed with red. 

“Benched?! Why?” 

Time pinched the bridge of his nose, Sky could sense the telltale signs of exhaustion coursing through his veins, yet he didn’t really care. It wasn’t fair, so why should he feel empathy? “For the last time, Sky,” He lifted his head back up, one of his eyes still half lidded, a trait he noticed form when he first met the man, “You’re not being benched. There’s stuff you don’t know yet, that-“ He hesitated.

“Smith,” the shorter quickly whispered back, giving a faux-apologetic look to the chosen hero.

“That Smith and I do know, and that’s okay, but-“ 

“But I want to come too. I want to know now.” One thing he would never admit is that, ironically, he hated secrets. Not that killing a god and cursing his home was that big of one-it was quite minuscule probably. Most likely. They wouldn’t know. “It’s not fair if you’re gonna leave me out. Plus, you may need me,” the frustration in his body fizzed towards his tongue, “You’re back gives out quite a bit, I can tell.” 

“That was completely uncalled for, especially for an arrogant child like yourself.”

The chosen hero raised his foot to step back, but last minute decided to go forward. He made sure to ignore the resulting fumble, “Arrogant?! As if you would know the difference. You probably can’t tell a pumpkin from a bird.” 

“Guys…” the Smith hastily stepped in between the two, holding his arms out as a barrier, “Let’s not fight.” 

The following, loud, “No!” did not help ease the tension. He took a step back, a sense of being overwhelmed shooting through him and begging to be forgotten. Maybe he should forge new weapon, just in case if another hero came along who didn’t have one. 

“You probably should watch your tongue, you know what happens to children who talk back.” 

The way Time’s wings pulsed when he emphasized the c-word was enough to fuel the Skyloftian’s own fury. It was as if the red in his wings was growing, spreading up his neck and to his face, hardening it with Hylian anger. 

“Bitch, YOU SHOULD WATCH YOUR FACE!” He reached his hands out, the rapid motion making it impossible for even him to see, “I will fucking KILL YOU. I have the GODDESS on my side, beat that!” 

“I’M MARRIED TO A WOMEN WHO COULD SKEWER THE GODDESS AND COOK HER FOR DINNER, YOU’RE NOT SPECIAL.” 

“I NEVER SAID I WAS, STOP ASSUMING THINGS OF ME!” His arms reached out again, grabbing the metal plating on Time’s humerus, gripping it with his fingernails until they bent over, blood pooling on the edges from stress, yet he continued the relentless grip. He tried to push him down, yet the heavy metal kept him balanced on his feet. 

The smith didn’t even try to engage anymore, it was probably fine. He looked over to the cave in the distance, the one that was supposed to lead him and time to the forest. He wondered what was out there. 

Time’s next words were surprisingly… calm? No, that wasn’t the right word. They were sharp, yet quiet, “Let go of me, Sky.” The look on his eyes bore disappointment, the open lid slightly lowering, along with his jaw locking in a neutral expression, “You’re acting out.” 

Sky stared into those eyes (or rather, eye) for a second, attempting to nonverbally induce the challenge, yet the man wouldn’t back down. With a grumble, he forcefully released the grip, slapping his arms down to a resting position. 

His eyes still didn’t look fine, the older  could notice. He looked over to the smith, motioning for him to come, yet he couldn’t just leave him like this. It would be cruel. He deserved a chance at calming down, so when he comes back they could talk.

Digging into his pouch, he found some candy, a recipe Malon created herself from some local honey she came across at the market. He hoped a handful would be enough to suffice the boy, “Here, it tastes good, you’ll feel better, I promise.” He gave an awkward smile, then quickly walked off back into the cave.

Sky may have never learned the sword-splitting events that happened in that forest, but he didn’t need to. He was okay now, but his nails hurt. 

[hinakazino]

⏳ REX LAPIS & THE MORTAL ⌛️

warnings: pure angst, hanaki disease referenced, zhongli struggling between friendship and love (?), unrequited love, maybe requited if you squint.

Zhongli not knowing how to feel when you confess your love for him. He can't lie, you're quite bold, a mortal daring to express their admiration so valiantly to their god. However, his heart is already taken by another.

Zhongli, or better yet Morax still remises about her. The long lost god of dust, with her soft grey silky locks billowing in the wind, her kind eyes and smile as she greeted him to discuss another of her inventions. Her silhouette atop a mountain in her signature dress and star-imbued sleeves. Zhongli's eyes have a look of gentleness in them you've noticed when she is in his mind. Honestly, you're already grateful enough to be this close to the Rex Lapis, the Geo Archon. You're but a human who managed to capture the hearts of the adepti with your kind nature, happy energy, and curiosity.

But even with all this, you long for more. You wish for the gaze of not just your archon's closest companions but him himself. It is a cruel thing, you're aware, humans and their untamable desires. In the end you ended up confessing, on the basis of not wanting to lie to your god and also why not? It was a horrid mistake.

After a moment of awkward silence, Morax's eyes once soft seemed to have an empty glare. Filled with disgust, anger, disappointment? You wouldn't know, all you registered that day was him telling you to leave and not get wrapped up in fantasies as a human.

That should've been the end of it, is what you thought, and what Zhongli thought. Nonetheless you proved to both yourself and him that it seems humans are quite stubborn. Despite the obvious pain that weighed on your heart from rejection you continued asking for his hand.

Before you had voiced it with the intent of being his equal. Which you soon realized wouldn't suffice. Zhongli wasn't one to sugarcoat his words, "Guizhong, she was the one meant for me. There is no one who can replace her in Liyue and in all of Teyvat. Do not test my patience, you've already stirred up less than pleasant memories little one".

Perhaps you had too much hope, as soon you began degrading yourself to the point you'd offered your hand in marriage not as an equal, but as a worshipper. To this, Zhongli had escorted you to the Guizhong ballista, where he proceeded to explain quite fondly the creator of said machine.

Maybe even Morax himself realized what a heartstabbing punishment this was. Having you listen to him ramble on and on for half an hour about her before ending with the point that this is exactly the key difference between you and Guizhong.

"You have to understand, you are but a mortal, she was a goddess. Your affections would be better directed elsewhere. This is the last I will tolerate this, I bid you a good day".

Zhongli should've been happy, because after that day your presence was nowhere to be found. Well, not exactly, although you had stopped visiting the adepti's and performing your standard rituals for him. The Geo Archon was well aware of all who resided in Liyue and knew you were still there too.

Could it be potentially you had broken into the Geo Archon's heart? No, that was impossible, all he did was feel pity for you obviously. "Why do I keep imagining the impossible..." you repeated to yourself, sitting inside the comfort of your room as you glanced out your window at the lovely scenery outside.

But you knew that even a persons state of mind could change how they perceived the world and right now everything just felt dull. The only memory present in your mind was replaying itself over and over again, it wasn't pleasant.

You're quite certain you'd confessed to Rex Lapis more than 50 times now, pretty much 5 years or more in your life. Yet his last message to you that day was the final straw.

It was so very frustrating, how your feelings towards him just wouldn't go away. You had attempted to build other romantic relationships to no avail. It was suffocating that your emotions just wouldn't disappear, they just couldn't be buried.

Oh but they can, you thought to yourself suddenly, and afterwards your last thought was to find true love in your next lifetime. As on a cool and calm night, you had laid yourself to rest.

The next day, no particular day really. Randomly out of the blue, Zhongli had heard of you once again after you distanced yourself from him.

It confused him, his adepti didn't dwell on his love life much. It was no secret they knew you harbored affections for him. However, that wasn't the reason why he found them all gathered here today.

As he approached them, his fellow adepti had parted a path so he could see for himself the cause of commotion. There, laying on a soft cushion was you.

Lifeless. Dry. Your eyes were softly shut, your face devoid of any emotion with the exception of a small titled smile on your face. But even that Zhongli could tell may have perhaps been his adepti's doing as part of their little ceremony for you. It became quite obvious then that you had decided to end your life due to the pain. Or, maybe the pain had ended you because no one could ignore the obvious flower that now sprouted from your chest. Bright and lovely, standing proud with petals that glowed amber like Cor Lapis.

[gingacat]

twisted from: Madame Adelaide Bonfamille

name: Asiel Douleure

birthday: September 20

age: 16

height: 167 cm

homeland: Shaftlands

grade: Freshman

club: Orchestral Music

hobbies: Playing with his cat

favorite food: Meringue

least favorite food: Caviar

talent: Composing

Personality

Asiel is an introverted boy who always seems to be lacking the energy to do anything and always presents a bored or apathetic face. He speaks in a tired but soft voice (i might make a voice claim for him later), and sometimes says words or expressions in French.

He doesn't seem to have any friends and most of the time he's alone, but honestly he is rarely seen in campus at all and only leaves his dorm to go to classes.

Asiel has difficulty in not only expressing his feelings or emotions, but also in identifying them. Most of the time, he doesn't really know what he is feeling, and when he is upset for example, he often doesn't know the reason behind it. The feeling he can identify with the most ease is anger, but it is rare to anger him, although when it happens it is very intense.

Behind his poker face lies a complicated boy with very complex feelings. Because he isn't really good with words and doesn't like talking, he expresses himself through playing the piano.

When he's feeling "weird" (anything that he can't identify, being negative or positive, especially anxious), Asiel plays the piano to either calm his heart or just let his frustration out. His compositions vary from sounding like "Clair de lune" by Debussy to this specific piano solo when he's feeling extra complicated. If it were for him to have a favorite piece, it would be "Lever du jour" from the symphony "Daphnis et Chloé", by Maurice Ravel.

There are a few times when he can be seen smiling or being genuinely happy, and that is when Asiel interacts with Duchess, his cat. He finds it very joyful to play the piano with her and even taught her how to play it (it sounds messy but Asiel is very proud of her pieces).

Background

Asiel is a genius composer and piano prodigy born into an aristocratic family. His family always provided him with everything he needed, to the point he grew up kind of sheltered, but even then, his family still wasn't close to him. His family is composed by his mother and his father, and everyone else were distant relatives that never really mattered in his life.

His parents were very emotionally distant from him: his mother would prefer to enjoy formal gatherings with her friends or to hang out with them, while his father was always working and never really established a deep connection with him. When his parents were home, they were barely interested in Asiel, though whatever Asiel asked for, his parents gave to him. The biggest treasure in Asiel's life happened when he was 7 years old, and it was when his mother brought home a kitten that would be known as Duchess.

Because of the constant pampering coming from fake people who were interested into the family's money and status, Asiel ended up becoming someone who doesn't like to talk or interact with people, and finds it very hard to connect or relate to them. Of course, while he dislikes interacting with others, he unfortunately still feels lonely (very lonely). Because of that, he developed an emotional dependency on his cat, the only companion he had since he was a kid. The only moment Asiel ever smiles is when he sees Duchess, and then his personality changes completely, otherwise he's just tired and apathetic towards everything.

Trivia

While it is allowed for students to bring their familiars to school, Asiel didn't take Duchess to RSA because he thought it would be dangerous and inadequate for her, so he's trusting on his parents to take care of her.

Asiel has an addiction to sugar and eating refined sweets or desserts always makes him happy.

Asiel hates caviar because it's something his parents are always eating, but it makes him disgusted.

His French slips out when he's angry and he refuses to speak at all when he's upset. He doesn't want to open up or to cry in front of anyone.

Asiel hates being forced to do anything, especially when he doesn't feel like it or if it conflicts with his moral compass, so he'll be stubborn enough to not do it no matter what.

He became the housewarden of his dorm solely for the purpose of not having to share his dorm room with anyone.

He loves cats the most, but he likes all animals, especially horses.

Asiel's dorm room would be like this: there's a painting of Duchess on the wall (his parents paid a professional artist for this), a very fancy piano, a luxurious bed and chandelier, and curtains that are always closed, since he dislikes the possibility of anyone invading his privacy.

[an-annyeoing-writer]

idol!Baekhyun x fan!Reader: truth be told.

Word count: 2382

Date of release: 11th November, 2024

Genre: angst, slice of life, half ounce of a fluff, established relationships, mentions of break up and dysfunctional relationships, way too much emotional yapping as for barely any plot.

I'm as surprised as y'all that I wrote something like this. You know, no vampires, no action, no one's actively dying? It's very much not my kind of writing, but I was feeling very emotional at the time. Just don't get used to it.

„It’s not good for you. I don’t think it’s good for me. It’s not healthy for either of us.”

He felt as if the knife you were cutting vegetables with cut right through his heart as well. You deliberately distracted yourself with the activity while he stood nearby, staring at you blankly, but not knowing how to respond.

In the recent weeks, he felt the two of you falling apart. It was like an avalanche that started with a small rock which he didn’t notice at the time, but which escalated into a disaster. Talking less, avoiding meeting up, and until today – the day you announced, as gently as you could, that you wanted to move out and live on your own. You said that it’s just because you want to become more independent, that you shouldn’t rely on him this much. But what will his apartment feel like without you? Your presence here, doing small things such as cutting vegetables, became a staple part of his life.

“Are you still talking about living together? Or about… us?”

Your movements were more frantic than he knew you for. With one a bit too sudden of a motion, the blade cut through the skin of your finger, and you let out a low murmur to cover up the hiss of pain, putting the finger to your lip in mild annoyance. It was more than clear that the cut was not the only reason behind your frustration.

Baekhyun didn’t move.

In any other situation, he would react – mock you a bit for being clumsy while being the first one to bring the first aid kid, maybe pretend to be a vampire struck by the scent of your blood, maybe even panic a little in this cute, puppy-like way if he felt that the amount of blood is greater than acceptable.

But now he didn’t, and it sparked a bit of hurt in you as well, but also brought your attention to the fact that maybe dismissing things and try to make them gentle only worsened the pain that would eventually come. The anxiety of the future that you exposed him to was not like the boil-the-frog that you planned to perform. You wanted to avoid confrontation for as long as necessary, until things dropped naturally. You didn’t expect him to hold onto it.

“Can you be honest with me? Are you able to?” His tone started to show that he, too, was growing frustrated. “Tell me what’s going on. Did something happen? I’m sorry if I can’t catch the clues, but if you made it obvious, then I’m just plain stupid.”

“Nothing… happened. And I’m sorry, I didn’t make it obvious. I didn’t know, how.”

He frowned ever so slightly, taking a step towards you. You backed against the kitchen counter, placing your hands on each side – your finger stung a little, but it was merely a scratch. The real wound was growing in your soul.

“If nothing happened, then why? Did you grow bored of me?”

“Of you?”

“Yeah. Please be honest with me. Just no more sweeting things up, alright?”

His tone was calm, but it lacked softness, it was almost business-like.

“I don’t know how anyone would get bored of you, Baekhyun” you admitted in a breathless whisper. You were starting to feel foolish, really. “And especially myself. That’s why I don’t think I can take it. I don’t think it’s fair to you. But I’m also not fair to myself. You just mean… too much to me.”

 “Too much?” The frown of the man’s face only deepened. “Why is something telling me I should not feel flattered?” A bit of frustration was slipping into his own tone as well.

You let out a deep sigh.

“I started off as your fan, Baekhyun. I thought that with time, it’ll be more… normal. That you’ll feel like a normal person. But somehow it’s not like that. Somehow… it feels like my life is even more about you than it was before. I feel like a creep. Like I’m using you to fulfill a fantasy.”

“Are you?”

“No!” You denied right away, but your voice faltered. “I… don’t know.” You crossed your arms on your chest, fixating your gaze somewhere down below.

To your surprise, Baekhyun let out a breathy laugh. The laughter didn’t feel light and cheerful, like his usual ones – it was heavied with worry, with some sort of underlying agony.

“Okay, let’s talk about this. We need to talk about this.”

His hand reached towards you and he pulled you by your arm, almost throwing you off balance when he pulled you towards the living room, snatching a paper towel on his way and putting it into your still bleeding hand. “You’re right. Do you think I didn’t consider it? That this wouldn’t work out? That it would feel fake? Heck, I talked to so many friends about it, and most of them said it’s not a good idea. But you know what?” He pushed you onto the couch and sat himself on the stool, bringing it close so that your knees almost touched – if only you let yourself relax, they would rest against each other naturally, but you were stiff and trying to almost shrink within yourself. “You know what? I’ve known you for a year. And I could always trust you. You’ve had so many chances to take advantage of me, and you didn’t. So I don’t want to think about how you could – potentially – hurt me. But we need to talk about the other part.”

“What do you mean? Isn’t it obvious that…”

“No, no. You’re thinking about what it’s like, for me, to date a fan.” He didn’t even let you finish, but it was as if he could read your mind, already knowing your thought process. “I want you to be honest and tell me what it’s like to date an idol. Because you’re right, you could be using me. But you also said it’s not good for you. And you’re right, because I could be using you, too. So be honest with me and tell me if I ever hurt you.”

So many memories came flooding at once – not of pain, not at all, but of all things that could have led to one tragedy or another. Your whole relationship, like a videotape.

Sure, your relationship was not always perfect. Barely a year has passed. Not long enough to develop a deep understanding of each other, but long enough for many things to happen, to get to know each other at least.

Not all of it was beautiful. There were arguments, some of which almost ended in a breakup. But they made you stronger, that much was undeniable – with each and every single time you almost fell apart, it felt like you knew each other a bit better, knew what things not to do and not to say, but which helped to soothe the atmosphere and help you get back along.

You had one, most important rule in your relationship.

That no matter what happened between the two of you, you would play fair.

That one time he lied to you about being at work while he was not – that one hurt. When you found out he’s not at the office in the first place, you even thought he was cheating. Wouldn’t that be understandable to assume in such a situation? You had every chance to cause a scandal on spot. But you didn’t. You knew that pulling his whole career down because of your relationship wouldn’t be fair. No matter how much it hurt, it was completely out of the equation.

It turned out he was with his friends – he really wanted to go out, but felt bad for not giving you much attention these days. You felt almost pitiful, seeing him crumble in front of you, all worried that you will feel like he doesn’t want you, when he genuinely didn’t have that much time, and it was just one evening with friends. You smacked him in the head for feeling bad about spending time with friends. And he learned that he can be honest with you.

Another time, you were all excited upon his album release. Seeing him on the stage later on made you feel all kinds of things, the way he moved, all the effects, clothing, makeup – all putting emphasis on his heavenly physique, as if you were watching an angel dance. He came back home disheveled, with remains of makeup on his face, but as excited as you were. You would give all of you to him at that exact moment, more than he would ask for, more than you would feel confident to give any other time.

But it was still early in the relationship, and Baekhyun knew that you weren’t ready. That, drunk on him as you were, you could regret it later, even feel disgusted with giving yourself in this easily, that your gentle mind wouldn’t be able to trust yourself with your own body. So he indulged you with kisses here and there, and then gently tucked you into bed, making sure that it all went smoothly, that it didn’t feel anything like a rejection, but a gesture of utmost care.

It took a few more months before you opened yourself to him fully, and he never rushed or reminded you of how eager you were back then. He could have had it all back then, but he decided to wait. That’s how you learned he’s more selfless than you ever even aspired to be.

“You didn’t” you spoke after what felt like ages, to the point you wondered if you even responded to the correct question. “You didn’t… hurt me. Did I ever hurt you?”

“No, you didn’t. You’re just hurting yourself all the time” he mentioned, jokingly motioning towards your hand, which you wiped hastily with the paper towel. “So if nothing bad happened, why the ifs? You realize it’s not going to stop if we just break up?” It was a rhetorical question, and you glanced up at him with a pout, feeling almost schooled by the way he talked. “You believe it’s a matter of just us, but, as much as it sounds ridiculous to say it, it’s all in your head. No matter who you’re with, you’re going to assume the worst. Won’t it be like that? Be honest with yourself.”

You crossed your arms again, feeling defiant for a moment, because his words were almost too much for your ego to take.

But there was some small part of you, somewhere at the edge of your consciousness, that not only knew that he’s correct, but also wanted it to be correct – because if it was just you, then you could learn to maybe keep those pessimistic parasites at bay, and… you wouldn’t have to suffer the loss that, despite weeks of preparation, didn’t feel like any less of a torment and regret that would come, were you to finish things as you originally intended.

All the beliefs, all the dogmas, that you carefully built over the past weeks, were falling apart in front of your eyes, confronted with very simple logic on Baekhyun’s end. You almost felt stupid for letting things get this far without confronting him earlier. Weren’t you the one who demanded honesty? Wasn’t he the one who proved you can trust him with your vulnerability?

“I’m… sorry.”

You felt yourself fall apart as well. Your body slumped down, relaxed knees rested against Baekhyun’s, and he put his hands on top of your thighs, as if in this exact moment, while knowing that he has you with him, he didn’t want to risk losing you again.

“Don’t be for feeling like that, things are never easy, now are they?” Here it was – the signature smile, the warm one that tore through the clouds of the darkest of your days, warm and welcoming. “But I am upset that you held it from me for so long” he whined. With the whine, he finally moved from the stool and onto the couch next to you. His arms shamelessly snuck around you, engulfing you in the close embrace that you knew so well, felt so good within. Partially pulling you into him, and partially leaning into the back of your shoulder, Baekhyun released a long sigh against the skin of your back, warm air slipping underneath your blouse – you missed it. You almost didn’t realize how distant the two of you became, and how long has it been since you felt his body against yours. But now, despite all of that, it felt good, it felt right. As if your souls have never detached from each other.

Maybe there was some form of destiny between the two of you; maybe it was not just a parasocial relationship that evolved into something that could turn dysfunctional so, so easily – maybe it was written in the stars that one way or another, the two of you would find each other, and it just so happened that you spotted him first, from afar, slowly making your way.

How else would the two of you find each other, after all?

Maybe you learned something this time, too. Maybe it wasn’t much, just the beginning of a stronger, even more intimate bond that would last years and years, and light years, and through all your reincarnations, with some of them as pitiful as they could be. Maybe it was just an accident that this time you were in such a position – in another life, would you be a princess, and he be a peasant?

But these were only some other ifs, fun to think about, but not worth spilling your heart over.

In this life, in this universe, you were his, and he was yours. And everything else was just more or less accidental circumstances that brought you closer together.

Only at the back of your head, you wondered if one day, the tale of hopes and stars would fall, and that dream would turn into a nightmare, fueled by your lives’ imbalance and selfishness that neither of you knew in each other.

Maybe you just didn’t have to think about it just yet.

[angelwithdemonictendencies]

last time i was here the street were all bare; did you plant these flowers? are you paying them to bloom?

make yourself at home; chapter two.

5.6k. no warnings! just frustration and introducing more characters and that kind of thing.

(a/n: back again, favorites. here's chapter two of my baby for you. some of the side characters day ones will recognize (aiden is just jack quinn, okay?), and some are new. i hope you enjoy very much. let me know what you think (pretty please?) and tell me what's going on in your life so i can cheer you on. let me know what you want to see next sunday. leaning towards mt19 bartender or maybe something ax72. and either chapter three of this one or more of jack and vic. i hope this week is easy on you. until next week, xx angel).

olive awoke the following morning to lazy sunlight flowing through her window like hot fudge, thick and decadent. she opened her eyes and blinked in unfamiliarity for a moment, took in her surroundings, her mind and body adjusting to the fact that she was not in california, that she was instead back home.

she instinctively reached for her phone, scrolled through her notifications enough to understand that nothing had happened overnight that required her immediate attention. her get unready with me video had been approved, so she quickly posted that, read over her to-do list from management for the day.

good morning, gorgeous, began celeste’s daily text, as it always did, followed by the things olive needed to accomplish that day. she had a couple of calls in the middle of the day, an advertisement for a rain-boot brand to shoot, but other than that, her day was mostly open. i want to hear all about home! came at the end of celeste’s message.

olive stretched her arms out above her head, scrunching her nose up to wake up her face. what was there to report back to her manager, even? that she had a lot more possessions here than she anticipated? that she was even worse at talking to her parents than she remembered? that she wasn’t even brave enough to text back the one person here that she wanted to see?

after letting celeste know that she’d call her later, olive timidly opened her conversation with russell, then closed it again with a sigh. she didn’t want to hurt him, and was afraid that anything she said, anything she disclosed would do just that.

deciding that a walk might clear her mind, olive changed into a workout set, got ready in the bathroom, taking a few pictures in the mirror after she did so. her steps felt heavy, disruptive on the staircase as she made to head out.

“going out?” olive recognized her mother’s voice from a room over.

“just for a walk!” she said. there was a pause, perhaps during which danica was waiting for an invitation. it didn’t come.

"take a hat,” was what she landed on in its absence, and olive wondered if she was imagining a sense of deflation in her mother’s voice. “the uv gets high early now.”

“thanks, mom,” olive replied, snagging a baseball cap from the stair banister before leaving through the front door with all of the gratefulness of a toddler.

it was the beginning of june in the northeast, and the time change meant that olive woke up later than she typically did, so it was already hot and humid enough to make her miss the dry heat of the west. regardless, she pulled her long hair up into a ponytail, fixed her hat on her head, and set out on her walk, feeling a bit lighter, her head less cloudy with each step.

the back of her neck was a bit sticky, but the regularity of her breathing, the lullaby-like nature of her footsteps, it was calming in a way she needed. olive didn’t like high-intensity kinds of exercise, found them pressurized and stressful, but she liked to move, especially in the morning, liked to feel her joints and muscles shed their drowsiness and lingering tension.

her parent’s house was about a mile from the downtown area, and before she knew it, olive’s feet had led her to a familiar stretch, which was mostly the same, but a careful, observant eye could spot a few differences.

the sidewalk had been recently repaved, for example, was much wider and smoother, no longer the crack-filled surface that olive used to frequent on elementary school half-day afternoons. the library appeared to have been renovated on the outside, or at least cleaned up, and the bar must be under new management - the name was different than what olive remembered, and the sign outside the door looked much more modern than the lived-in, almost rustic feel that she could recall.

she passed the town hall, stopping to look at the bulletin board that was a permanent fixture outside of it. olive had fond memories of town hall meetings, chances to see friends from school after hours, to goof off and make fun of adults taking themselves seriously in unserious environments.

the bulletin board looked a little lackluster currently, in olive’s opinion. a few flyers for local businesses, cleaning services, seamstresses, and the likes of that, business cards and event reminders, but otherwise pretty scarce.

the poster that stuck out was a reminder to buy season tickets for the granite falls geckos, the paper pulling away from the board with humidity and age, given that the season had started a bit ago.

say you saw them before they got big! the poster read in bold block letters above a graphic that featured the team’s young stars. of course, russell was front and center, some halfway serious shot from media day that made olive smile. they had probably told him to give them a game face, she mused, but she knew anytime you asked russell to be serious, you were probably asking in vain. as such, even in a pose that was supposed to be intimidating, the corner of his mouth ticked up in a trace of a smile, and his eyes sparkled even through worn-out paper.

i knew him before anyone else, olive thought, however selfishly, although she knew in her heart that she didn’t need to tell anyone else that, that he wasn’t a gold-foil-covered chocolate medal to be bragged about. russell was the kind of person that was destined to be known by many, and olive just felt lucky to be one of those people.

shaking herself from her thoughts, olive made her way a bit further up the sidewalk and entered cool beans, the coffee shop at the end of the block. she inhaled deeply once in the doorway, the scent of roasted beans and sugar comforting and rejuvenating.

“welcome in,” some voice from behind the counter called, probably a knee-jerk reaction to the bell ringing on the top of the door, one that made her happy nonetheless. it was a weekday, so the seating area wasn’t necessarily crowded, but populated enough to tell olive that the store was doing well.

olive got in line, behind the singular person who was ordering at the counter, and looked around. there were two baristas behind the counter, by the shiny red espresso machine, and then the short, round-faced girl taking orders at the register, who looked vaguely familiar. olive thought about what sort of coffee she felt like this morning. she didn’t typically have a regular order, often opting for whatever felt right, whatever she was craving. sometimes it was a light latte, milky and sweet, and other times it was something bitter, dark, raw, like an iced americano.

when olive stepped up to order, she was met with the warm smile of the girl on the other side of the counter, the kind of smile that makes you want to smile, too. her name tag read mia.

“welcome to cool beans,” mia said, brushing her dark bangs away from her face. “what can I get started for you?”

“thank you,” olive said, “this might be annoying, but do you think you could make me whatever you feel like making? i’m indecisive this morning.”

mia’s grin grew, wide enough now that olive could see how sharp her incisors were, an obvious contradiction to the rest of her appearance. “know how to make a barista’s day, do you?”

olive gave a laugh. “barely,” she said, leaning on the counter a bit, tucking a flyaway strand of hair behind her ear, fingertips brushing her hat as she did so. “everything looks good and i’m overwhelmed.”

mia laughed, too, a high-pitched, but pleasant kind of noise, and it rang through the shop like church bells, making olive tilt her head. her laugh left olive a little starstruck. “you do need to help me out a bit, though,” mia continued, “just need a size, and if you’d like hot or cold.”

olive hummed, drummed her fingers on the counter in thought, her rings making a dull noise in contact. “let’s do cold, if you don’t mind,” she decided, “and medium, please and thank you.”

“good choice,” mia said, nodding to herself while writing something on a cup with a marker, then setting it on the counter to ring olive up. “gonna be six dollars today, love. name for the order?”

olive gave mia her name, paid, called out a thank you and left a generous tip, then turned to wait by the edge of the counter. she didn’t make it far, though, barely taking a step before she crashed into another person, sucking in a harsh breath as she felt hot liquid soak through her sports bra, the waistband of her leggings.

stuck for a second in something like shock, olive didn’t say anything for a moment, her gaze slow as it made its way to the culprit of the collision. olive looked up, met the guilty eyes of the person who had ordered ahead of her, now holding two near-empty cups. he appeared frozen, his face in a forever wince.

“now’s when you apologize, aidan,” mia said, and olive could hear a mixture of annoyance and amusement in her voice.

“i’m sorry,” aidan, olive presumed, mumbled. he looked sort of scared, his almost feminine features pained. “everyone’s been tellin’ me i have to watch where i’m going, and i'm trying, i swear, i just-”

“have no spacial or social awareness?” mia said, filling in the blank, tilting her head, teasing.

aidan sighed. he was still holding the empty paper cups like there was something valuable in them. he didn’t seem to mind that his own shirt was stained with coffee, nor did he seem especially cognizant of the temperature of it, as olive was. her face was flushed from the heat of the liquid, and while she didn’t think she had been burned, her clothes were now uncomfortable. “i really am sorry.”

olive mustered a slight smile, which wasn’t too difficult. aidan did seem apologetic, and if mia’s reaction was anything to go by, this was just the kind of person he was. olive had always been pretty quick to forgive, except in specific situations.

“don’t worry about it,” she said, wiping her wet hands on her thighs. “my fault, i'm sure. i can replace your coffees?”

mia was watching the interaction with something like keen interest as she shook up olive’s surprise concoction, poured it into a cup over ice. “olive, this is aidan. aidan, olive,” she said, slid the cup onto the counter. “and something sweet and honey-ish, for you.”

“thanks, mia,” olive said, picking up her cup and swirling it around, “and it’s nice to meet you, aidan, even under less than ideal circumstances."

“that’s generous of you,” mia said, before turning to her fellow baristas. “going on my fifteen, guys.” They gave vague affirmative noises.

mia came around the counter, forcing olive to appreciate just how short she was. olive wasn’t necessarily tall, but she had to have been a full half-foot taller than mia.

“aidan, baby, time to put the cups down,” mia said, not patronizing, just trying to encourage a sense of action and urgency from her friend. her words seemed to snap aidan out of his frigidity, as he walked over to the trash and threw his cups away, then wrung out his shirt over the bin until it was wrinkly and semi-dry where the stain had been. mia waved olive over to a door by the corner of the shop, a closet of some sort. “c’mon, you, i have a spare shirt you can borrow.”

“you’re a lifesaver,” olive breathed out, even though she didn’t need a shirt. she was only walking back to her house, and she didn’t really care if people on the way there saw her with a coffee stain on her clothes. however, she did not feel especially interested in turning down kindness, at this point in her trip home.

“you got a mop, mia?” aidan called from behind them.

“behind the counter, up against the wall,” she answered as she held the door open for olive, pushed up on her tiptoes to grab a shirt from the shelf on the side of the cramped room. “you won’t be the talk of the town in this, or anything, but it will do for now,” she said, handing the pale blue button down over. it was starchy in olive’s grip.

“i definitely don’t want to be the talk of the town,” olive responded, “so this is perfect. can’t thank you enough.”

mia waved her off, but her full cheeks were flushed a pleased pink. “anytime,” she said, following olive back out into the open air of the coffee shop, to where aidan was attempting to mop. he was, unfortunately, getting way too much water on the floor, arguably making more of a mess than there had been to begin with.

he looked up, blew out an exasperated breath, leaned his weight onto the mop. “i don’t know what i’m doing wrong,” he admitted.

“it’s fine,” mia said, holding her hand out, “just let me do it.” aidan shook his head. “just teach me, please. i need to do it.” mia nodded, like this was a common occurrence. maybe it was. as she showed aidan how to use the mop, olive approached the register once again.

“would you mind just doing two of whatever he ordered before?” olive asked the teenager behind the counter, pointing to where aidan stood. "thank you.”

after paying, olive looked at her phone and realized she actually needed to get back home to her computer. her first work call of the day was scheduled to start in less than an hour.

olive shouldered on her borrowed shirt, feeling a little spoiled, warm with content. as an only child, she didn’t know for sure, but she could imagine that this would be what hand-me-downs from an older sister might feel like. “i’ve got to head out,” she said to the mopping duo as she buttoned up her shirt, effectively concealing the coffee on her top. “but it was great to meet you guys. i hope i’ll see you around?” she adjusted her hat.

they both looked up to meet her gaze. “i’m always around,” mia said, “and you better find me.” to olive’s raised brow, mia laughed. “that shirt’s a loan, not a gift.”

olive smiled. “aidan, your drinks are on the counter, i think,” she clarified. the teenage barista had finished replacing them.

aidan looked a little taken aback by the gesture. “that’s really nice,” he observed. it was clear that he didn’t know what to do, what to say, which was endearing to olive. she knew what that felt like. “thank you.” his gaze flickered up for a moment. he nodded, tilting his chin up in gesture. “geckos fan?”

olive blinked, then realized her hat probably had some logo of the baseball team on it. she hadn’t noticed what hat she had grabbed on her way out the door this morning. her parents were fans, after all. maybe not directly of baseball, but absolutely of russell. she laughed, lightly, absentmindedly ran a hand along the brim. “something like that,” she said.

she waved a final goodbye and heard the joyful ring of the bell above her on the way out. the walk back home was swift, made even more pleasant by her drink. olive wasn’t usually a honey lover, but something about whatever mia had made her was exactly what she was looking for, just what she had been craving.

she found herself humming softly as she walked back, energized by her interaction with mia and mia’s odd friend. it had been a long time since she met someone new in this place. whenever she visited home during college, it was only for a few days at a time, so she felt obligated to stay home, or perhaps comfortable with doing so, seeing the same few people for the span during which she was there.

it was refreshing to understand that this town was a bit bigger than she remembered, that the faces of the town were not still confined to the features of her childhood bullies and disapproving family members.

there were no cars in the driveway when olive turned onto her street, which meant jerry was at work, danica was probably out running errands or at the daycare or something like that. olive was a little excited to have something genuine to ask her mom over dinner that night.

pressed for time, olive jogged up the stairs and grabbed her computer, brought it down to the dining room table to take her calls from there, where there was more natural light. her meetings were quick and routine, just check-ins and planning, one run by her manager, whose face was a comfort. as usual, she stayed on the video call when everyone but celeste had left the meeting.

“jesus, enough chatter from me, hm?” celeste said from her virtual box on olive’s screen, taking off her glasses and rubbing her eyes. “what’s new? how’s home?”

“you know i love your chatter,” olive assured her, because it was true. she didn’t know how she would make it through so many logistics meetings and networking events without her manager and friend.

“only because you don’t let me forget it,” celeste responded. “now, don’t try to evade my questions. i’m only asking ‘cause i miss you.”

olive sighed, smiled, crossed her arms in front of her on the wooden table. “i miss you, too,” she said, honestly, “not much new. home is home. the same.”

celeste hummed like she understood. “don’t sound too excited, gorgeous. i might get jealous.” olive laughed, but it was short. “it’s actually fine. i’m complaining, but it’s fine.”

“have you seen him yet?”

olive paused at this, her gaze dropping down to her hands. celeste knew about russell, about their history, the extent of their relationship, but all from the los angeles perspective. to celeste, russell was olive’s nameless high school sweetheart, her faceless small-town fling. to olive - well, she wasn’t really sure what russell was to her, but he seemed to be more monumental than just a bundle of trope-y labels. even apart, even when she hadn’t seen him yet, his presence was felt.

“no,” olive said, soft, “i haven’t seen him. just been-”

“busy?” celeste finished, an amused sort of smile sparkling even through a computer screen. “seems that way. way too busy to see him, even for a moment, i’m sure.”

olive shot her manager a look. “i’m not sure i love your tone.”

“i’m not sure i love yours, either.” olive rolled her eyes, but she was smiling. she sighed, thinking. “has he reached out at all?” to a nod in response, celeste hummed. “and you haven’t responded?”

“i mean, i responded to the first text,” olive explained, waving a manicured hand around in gesture, looking up from her computer and out her window. “but then he said something really,” she paused, exhaled, remembering, “just really sweet, and i felt bad, because no matter when i tell him i'm not coming back it’s gonna be bad, and i just feel like if i don’t see him it will be easier for both of us.”

celeste nodded, holding her sharp chin in her hand. “ah,” she said, “you’re avoiding him.”

Olive scoffed. “it’s only been a day,” she defended.

“sure, but you have no plans that involve not avoiding him.”

“i guess,” olive said, “but it’s not like i don’t want to see him. i just think the whole thing will be-”

“easier, yes, as you’ve said,” celeste finished, waving her off. “thank god. because we don’t have enough people in this world looking for the easy way out.”

“you’re such a help today, aren’t you?”

celeste raised her hands in surrender. “just because i’m suggesting doing something you don’t want to do doesn’t mean i’m not helping.”

olive scrunched up her nose. “i hate when you’re right.”

“really? it is one of my greatest sources of joy.” celeste was kidding, but there was a glimmer of understanding in her eyes. “i just know you, olive. and even if i don’t know him, i can tell that he’s important to you. maybe even more so than you let on.”

olive appreciated her friend, then. even if she didn’t necessarily agree, even if olive believed that sometimes easier was actually better, that it was a good thing to try to avoid hurting the people you care about, olive appreciated celeste, and felt lucky to have her, even through a screen, across the country.

“i really miss you,” she said.

“then finish packing and come home,” was celeste’s immediate response, like it was the easiest thing in the world. it could be easy, olive thought, so why did it feel so hard? why did home feel hard no matter which home she was referring to? “i’ll expect your rough cut for the boot ad in a few hours, and i’ll send your check-list tomorrow morning, okay?”

olive nodded. “i'm headed out to shoot now. it’s not raining, though.”

“you’ll figure something out,” celeste said, “anything you need from me?”

“all good for now. i'll text if anything comes up. love you.”

“love you, too. hang in there.” celeste’s image on her screen disappeared mid-wave goodbye. olive shut her computer with an exhale, headed upstairs to change and grab the boots she needed for her ad. they were a shiny red rainboot, a sleek design, the color selected specifically to fit seamlessly into her account’s feed. with her hands full of camera equipment, she made her way outside, the sun bright on her face.

“no rain rainboots, no rain rainboots,” she murmured to herself, thinking about how to make her photo realistic, engaging.

with so many things in her hands, olive stumbled over something at her feet, cursing under her breath at the sharp pain in her foot. looking down, she discovered that she had tripped over a lawn sprinkler connected to a hose. “that’ll do,” olive said, her mouth in an impressed sort of slant, setting down her things, creativity sparking like a rusty old lighter in her head. In her field, it was always a treat when she could showcase some imagination, something that went beyond surface level aesthetic appeal.

after a bit of maneuvering, olive had effectively set up a manmade sun-shower. she’d configured the settings so, if the sprinkler was out of frame, the water droplets just looked like a smattering of afternoon rain, cutting through the sticky humidity. all of the rainstorm practicality and realism, without the typical poor lighting that came along with it. perfect.

olive changed into the boots, then took a few different shots from a few different angles, some with the sprinkler on, some off. She was in a grove, capturing a wide array of the product’s attributes, and was in the middle of taking a short clip of her stamping the boot into a puddle when she heard the sound of an old engine sputtering off.

she didn’t have to look up to know whose truck was in her driveway. it was a sound she would know anywhere, one she’d heard a thousand times before, usually from the passenger seat perspective. olive didn’t have to look up to know that it was russell’s banged-up truck in the driveway of her parents’ house, but she did, anyway.

she did anyway, and was shocked to observe that russell had possibly become more beautiful since the last time she’d seen him. olive knew that he wasn’t the lanky kid she’d met all that time ago, but seeing him was a reminder that she was growing up too, into her body, into her face, into her mind and being.

russell hopped down from his truck easily, shutting the door carefully, then turned to face olive while fixing a cap down on his head. he moved like the athlete he was, but that ease came with a sense of comfort and confidence, too. his light hair still curled out from under the brim, the way it had since he was a kid. if he’d been beautiful last time she was home, russell was ruinous now, devastating, his features sharper, a slight stubble on his jaw, his high cheekbones illuminated by the late day sun. his immediate smile was what really undid her - made her stomach flutter like a moth's wings, made her fingers twitch like tiny fragments of lightning.

his smile followed her wherever she went, a constant phantom in her mind, so she guessed that it made sense that when it was here, now, up-close and personal, it was monumental, all perfect teeth and genuinity, naturally curving up higher on the left side than the right. focused on her, now, it froze her entirely, turned her legs gelatinous and her heart volcanic.

“i guessed you were busy, but not this busy, ol.”

olive’s breath suddenly felt strangled escaping her throat, as if her heart was fizzing in her chest like a just-opened can of soda. She suddenly felt a little stupid, or at least a little juvenile, standing in her front yard making fake rain, like she’d been caught in some embarrassing act. his voice rumbled through her like something seismic. she could hear the smile in it, the teasing, and no one called her that except for him.

she straightened, ran her palms along the tops of her thighs, trying to hasten the process of adjusting to his presence. “just shooting an ad,” olive responded, her feet keeping her still where she stood as russell walked over to her, leisurely, like he had all the time in the world. she waved her hand vaguely towards her boots. “had to get creative.”

he stopped a few steps from her, not insecure but cautious, maybe, as his gaze dripped lazily down her frame, drinking her in greedily. “i’ll buy whatever you’re selling.”

olive rolled her eyes, but could have sighed in content, too, at his unwavering support, at his seemingly blind belief that was anything but blind, in reality. her job had left her wary of others’ perceptions, but it had never felt like a chore to be perceived by him. more like a privilege. “what’re you doing here, rus?” her words came out sort of breathy.

russell squinted at olive for a moment, like he didn’t know what to say, like he was deciding where to go from here. he had shown up without invitation, after all, unexpectedly. olive had hoped that when she decided she was ready to see russell again, if she decided she was, she would be the one to plan the whole thing, so that she could control the whole situation. she didn’t like surprises. this was a surprise, and she felt unprepared, jittery with nerves.

“had to make sure my intel was correct,” he mused, “wanted to make sure you were actually home.” he rocked back and forth once on his heels, letting out a visible exhale. “hadn’t heard from you, ‘s all.”

olive swallowed, made some lazy gesture to herself. her red boots felt too big for her. “i’m home,” she said, a light laugh tinting the words with something she didn’t like. guilt, perhaps, at not answering his text. at throwing a wrench into the one thing that seemed to work, over and over again.

russell made some humming noise, his brow pinching for a moment, maybe confused at her lack of explanation, the fact that she hadn’t given some excuse for her delay in seeing him. olive was confused, too. coming back home had always been easy, when it came to him. there was practically a script to follow. this used to be simple. what could she do now that she had elected to light the script on fire?

being so close to him without touching him, especially after being apart for so long, it made each heartbeat feel slow like sludge, made her feel almost sick. she didn’t have to shut him out completely, she reasoned, as long as she didn’t let it get too far. olive could toe the line, she told herself, could carefully balance enough distance to be smart and enough closeness to remain sane.

olive cleared her throat, made space for words that didn’t come, willed her feet to take a step closer to him, timid, careful.

russel’s mouth ticked up at this, amused. he leaned back into his posture, adjusted his hat, crossed his arms across his broad chest, waiting. waiting for her to move, to break her silence. he’d been the one doing the waiting, up until now, so it was only fair.

a step apart, now, olive tilted her head back slightly to look russell in the face. his long lashes framed eyes that swam with a million conflicting things. the air sparked with a clash of sameness and difference.

olive’s arms hung limply, awkwardly at her sides. “it’s good to see you,” she said.

“yeah?” russell seemed to soften, at this, to hear something substantial in her styrofoam-stiff words. he uncrossed his arms, his hand drifting towards hers until their fingers touched, feather-light, almost undetectable. a touch that made her shiver, nonetheless, felt like being plunged underwater after a day in the shore-side sun.

olive nodded. “i missed you, rus.” it came out like a prayer, with all of the devotion and desperation to match.

russell gave a short laugh, like olive had made a joke, any hesitation evaporating as he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close, until her cheek was pressed up against the cotton of his shirt.

she swore the world melted away, for a minute. olive closed her eyes, swallowed roughly, felt her own arms slowly reach around russell until her palms rested on his shoulder blades. everything was simple, like this.

“i missed you, too,” he mumbled into her hair, squeezed her tighter. they existed like this, together, for several moments until olive regained some semblance of self-awareness and pulled back, however reluctantly.

she cleared her throat again, smiled up at him, easier than before. he smiled back at her, seemed unwilling to retreat too far from her, instead opting to reach his hand up, brush his fingers along her hairline.

“how long do i get you?” he asked.

olive might have winced. her gaze definitely sank down to her feet, unable to look him in the eye, tell him the complete truth. “i’m home for a bit,” she said, vaguely. russell’s eyes were full of contradiction, again, half-way drenched in excitement at seeing her for a while, halfway aware of the fact that she had clarified that she was home for some time, not that he’d get her for that time.

she tried not to think that she was a terrible person by hiding the truth from him. she tried to feel like she was doing the right thing.

“how’ve you been?” she asked, instead, wanting to change the subject, but also just wanting to know. “fresh off a national title, hm?”

russell laughed, walked over to the stairs of her front porch and lowered himself down onto them, resting his elbows on his knees. olive followed suit, mirrored his posture, just to his right. “already feels so long ago,” he admitted, “onto a new team, new league, new game, practically.”

olive nodded thoughtfully. it was crazy to think that he was a professional now, not surprising, but a reminder of the passage of time, of dreams, being realized. and she knew what it felt like, to feel thrust into something foreign, to have something you thought you understood suddenly come into question.

“what about you, then, kid?” he knocked his knee against hers playfully. “last time we spoke you were, what, goin’ on some podcast? how’d that go?”

olive furrowed her brow. “thought I sent that to you. you didn’t listen?” it was a weird feeling, the prospect that he didn’t dwell on their every interaction as she did.

but russell just gave a bashful kind of smile, tilting his head, scrunching up his nose. “i did,” he said, flushed, “just tryna’ play it cool, ‘s all.”

olive rolled her eyes, secretly pleased. “you’re so nonchalant, rus, it’s killin’ me.”

russell exhaled, a sound of bliss at this fragment of normalcy after bits and pieces of unfamiliarity. “you’re sweet, ol, thinkin’ i know what nonchalant means.”

olive just sighed, laid her head gently onto his shoulder, the both of them looking ahead, out at the well-kept lawn. he reached his arm around her shoulder, pulled her closer. it was easiest to pretend she wasn’t crossing a line, olive observed, when she wasn’t looking at him. “still got that piece of junk, do you?” she asked, nodding towards his truck.

she felt his laugh in her back. “don’t be mean,” he pressed, “she’s been with me through everything.”

he meant it lightly, but olive heard what went unsaid. that his truck had been with him through everything. that she had not.

russell seemed to sense her change in emotion, at any rate, his thumb tracing gentle circles in her upper arm. “so, what’d you do today? besides your shoot, which i interrupted.”

olive smiled, closed her eyes, thought back on her day. “not much,” she answered, “some calls, went for a walk, got a coffee spilled on me-”

“at cool beans?”

olive opened her eyes, tilted her head back so she could look up at russell from his shoulder. “how’d you know?”

he gave a sly smile, shook his head in a disbelieving laugh. “of course you’re who aidan was rambling about at practice.”

olive’s smile quirked at the mention of her new acquaintance. “you know aidan?”

russell scoffed without malice. “that’s my center fielder you’re talking about.” he shot her a look. “should have known, after he came in all flustered over the girl who bought his coffee.” he sucked on his teeth, made a tsk sound. “haven’t seen the affliction in action in a while, can’t believe i missed the symptoms.”

olive elbowed him in the gut, straightened until she was looking at him head on, halfway laughing. “good grief, not this again, rus.”

russell just raised both of his hands in surrender. “nothing against you, ol. i just feel bad, losing yet another comrade to the fleming flu, it’s terrible, really. please, leave me to grieve my friend in peace.”

It was sometime around sophomore year in high school that russell had come up with the concept of the fleming flu - in other words, the symptoms someone exhibited after meeting olive for the first time. nervous energy, prone to stuttering, a little daydreamy. even as a teenager, russell had loved to make fun of olive for the distinct effect she had on others, though always in good fun.

olive groaned, held her head in her hands. “you’re impossible.”

“hey, hey, now,” russell said, almost apologetic, wrapping her in his arms and holding her close again. “i can only say it ‘cause i’ve got the worst case, haven’t i?” he dipped his head down until she could feel his breath on her ear. “pretty sure it’s chronic, kid.”

“we need to get you help,” olive said, shaking her head.

“‘fraid there’s no cure,” russell said, “aid’ll be fine, though. guy forgets about things before they finish happening.”

olive laughed, trying to ignore the way her body basically sighed in relief at being held by him. if she didn’t acknowledge it, maybe she could believe she wasn’t doing anything wrong. “he seems sweet,” she said, recalling aidan’s demeanor. “a little clumsy, but sweet.”

olive could have fallen asleep like this, sinking into russell’s chest. there was a comfortable silence, a pause that could have been a few moments, could have been an hour. the sticky air now just felt pleasantly warm.

“got any plans for tonight?” russell asked, at some point, his voice textured with a slight rasp after however long a silence. “i have my own place now, if you want to see it.”

olive’s exhale felt weighted. she wanted to see his place, sure, wanted to spend as much time with him as possible, but she knew it wasn’t a good idea - that once they were alone at his place together it would be long before history repeated itself and someone ended up hurt.

“i just,” olive tried, voice stable despite feeling anything but, “i just don’t think it’s a good idea for me to come over tonight.”

russell was quiet, searching her eyes for something. the pause felt like a grand piano on her heart. olive could feel his probing gaze on her profile, looking for some signal, some sign. it tore her apart that she couldn’t give him one.

“okay, kid,” he said. “i’ll see you tomorrow? maybe we can do something?”

if there was one thing that olive knew about russell, it was that he would never push her further than she wanted to go. in that sense, as long as she laid the boundaries, he would follow. it appeared to be the laying of boundaries that posed a problem.

“yes, please.” olive nodded, wanting to see him but not wanting to be one-on-one, knowing she wouldn’t survive it, knowing being around other people was safer. “maybe we could meet at the bar downtown?”

russell’s eyes flashed, momentary, but olive caught it, a rocket-ship flare of disappointment. “yeah,” he said, still, “yeah, perfect. i’ll bring some of the guys.”

olive stood up and hugged russell goodbye, and she couldn’t ignore the way he held her, then - like her feet were buoyant in the air, like she was floating away, and he was the only thing keeping her on the ground.

as his truck roared to life, pulled out of her driveway, she gave a little wave, to which russell honked the old horn twice, like he used to do, every time he’d leave her house.

that night, olive slept in bouts of doubt, amidst tantrums of guilt. olive slept poorly.

fin. (until the next chapter).