#this is something ive been doing for a few days and its pretty helpful
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rishya-is-sleepy · 5 months ago
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Okay, so everyone knows, don't learn Japanese from anime for many reasons, but we aren't here to talk about that
I think, as someone learning Japanese, watching Japanese television with japanese subtitles or lyrics videos for songs (I'm a pretty big vocaloid and pjsk fan so thats how I got the idea) is a really good way to learn the characters
Now, since Japanese can have characters that are multiple Roman characters long, this isn't a solid plan. You still have to practice on your own. However, if you know some of the characters, this can help you out with this practice. Also, if you somewhat know a character but haven't fully memorized it yet, this would be good for a reminder sort of way and get it into your brain.
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abtheb · 2 years ago
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April 28, 2023
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Despite everything, it's still you.
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penisbilt · 6 months ago
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the bittersweet but absolute flood of relief that comes from admitting defeat at living independently, to have to move back in with parents. we tried! we gave it our best shot for almost 3 years! but living like this (being on our own) is just not possible for us at this time of our lives. we've finally proved it to ourselves that we can't do it. it'll be okay to let ourselves rest now
#latimers parents not mine!!!! i am NOT moving back to florida LOL#really hope that the changes will be good for my mental health. this apartment is toxic to us#ive been on the verge of meltdowns Kind Of A Lot lately. imnot doing great#extremely dependent on substances. just to reach a baseline level of functioning. but even that isnt working as much anymore#the only things i do on my phone or tablet these days is like. 2 mobile games. and skirting past my dms to check latimers blog#its too overwhelming to even open discord these days yknow. everything on earth is too much for me right meow#i havent been drawing i havent been social online OR irl i havent been cooking or creating#i havent been keeping up with personal hygiene like at all im particularly ashamed about that one#i've been really bad about doing my T the past few months which is a HUGE shame because im SO fucking hyped to be on it#theres just. too many obstacles in getting it done half the time. and the other half of the time i just forget#anyway. anyway.#our lease ends in july so between now and then we're just gonna try our best to tolerate our living situation enough to get by#there's a light at the end of the tunnel. and its called 'i only have to be in charge of like 2 rooms at most. and not a household!'#we're gonna try to slowly comb through all our things between now and then so the process of moving wont suck as bad#cuz listen. its pretty fucking bad right now#maybe not for other people. but it is for me. and its okay to let myself come to terms with that#im just. so relieved. still very stressed! but theres at least light at the end of the tunnel and its only like 2 months away#ill be able to draw guilt-free again. ill be able to just EXIST guilt-free#i dont think ive felt guilt-free for just existing the way i do since like. turning 20#i know my mom wouldve loved if i stayed home forever. and im sad i cant be there for her#but ever since i had a fight with my dad at 15 or 16 it just really felt like he didnt want me there more and more#maybe as the youngest he was resenting that i was preventing him from becoming an empty nester or something. i dont know#because all the other kids had been moved out and on their own at least once but i had never left home before#i dont know if he'd be heartbroken or not to hear that i feeling like he was resenting me. but thats the energy i was picking up for years#i dunno. i dont know#anyway. back to housing. for now im going to try to relax and store energy for the moving process#the huge pile of things by the kitchen? i dont have to worry about that becoming permanent because we're leaving in 2 months#the general discord of the state of our possessions? we have to go through everything to pack it all anyway. we can move in RIGHT this time#when we moved in here we didnt have a car or license so we were dependent on latimers 3-hr-drive-away parents to help us move#just /across town/. and we had a whole month between leases! but it still had to be done in a weekend
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opens-up-4-nobody · 2 years ago
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...
#today has been a day. as in time did pass. the earth rotated. and i accomplished very little#bc im just feeling paralyzed and not so good. and i guess thats understandable#like i understand y its happening but its not any less frustrating. mostly its just knowing that i have to make life altering decisions in#the next few weeks. and the pressure of: if i dont decide to go for this one project then they dont get a student and they dont get funding#that makes me pretty nauseous. and knowing i have an interview Thursday that im not ready for and i dont really wanna do#and its a product of not talking to people like a human being. like i just dont interact with people much. when im in the lab i mostly#stand around looking unapproachable or go in when i kno there's no one there and i just dont have close friends so i dont really talk to or#text anyone. i just work and fail to get things done. so then when im in a situation where i have to talk to ppl its all anxious shrapnel#or me dominating the conversation bc i cant stand the pauses and i have so much obsessivly rotatinf in my head. and i hate it. im so sick#of hearinf my own voice but no one talk in the way i want them to. i get so bored. and i want to ask pressing and uncomfortable things but#i kno i shouldnt. but i also dont really have a filter so ill just say fucking whatever. which is what i did Saturday when a triggering#topic of conversation arose. so now my lab mate officially knows too much. but whatever wtf is he gonna do abt it. i just get so annoyed#bc now its in my head. thr fact it set me off and that i overshared and that now its in my head. annoying.#and it doesn't help with the writing things i need to finish. bc i dont like feeling like ive done something wrong and one of the reviewers#has good points. which also probably means ill have to redo my 8 days of measurements so far#but i also might b able to shorten the timeline so idk. just a lot is happening rn and i feel the pressure and by brain doesn't like#pressure. and not doing things rn is not good. things need to be done#so idk i dont feel good but it makes sense. by the end of February hopefully things will b figured out#and i should sleep and hope for a better tomorrow#unrelated
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domesticated-whores · 9 days ago
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choked so hard swallowing my drink down the wrong way that I almost puked and I'm still kinda nauseous hours later, so lol. also, friend (the mutual work friend of me and my man that actually hangs out with him outside of work) witnessed and started saying something about how some people choke on things like that bad enough that it kinda spooks them from drinking and they get dehydrated out of paranoia (no idea if that's true, sounds fake but whatever, he's one of those people yk?) and my dumb ass, full of autism and pure thoughts only, said "damn, if that were a problem I wouldn't be able to put nothing in my mouth, my gag reflex is shit 😞😞" which has probably made it's way to my man. because I'm stupid and was really woozy from coughing til I almost vomited and totally didn't think of what I was saying.
#doesnt help that a few days ago we were all hanging out smoking#and i dont get high easy with others evidently but they all have MAJOR tolerance and experience and im baby#so i feel pretty mellow and dazed pretty quick when we do anything despite them all feeling almost nothing#(even though my man is very quick to tell me when something isnt even strong so idk what everyone else ive smoked with is smoking)#(because i hardly get the slightest bit chill from it any time i smoke with anyone else usually)#(but i digress)#and so i was higher than i mayhaps should have been from what i had because again hella baby#but i heard friend say *SOMETHING* that 100% had my name and i think had the word “head” in it#in like a whisper to my man who was sitting on the couch between us#and i was like “okay im feeling kinda dazed and shit and i have hearing issues and hes very much talking so i cant hear--”#“--so i shouldnt make assumptions on what he said because im probably REALLY mishearing what i did hear lol”#but then my man kinda glanced at me and made a noise (an almost laugh??) and said “nah not yet” quiet but not as much as a whisper as friend#so i do lowk wonder if i heard right lol#and if i did thats a whole other story#because pooki cmon#babygirl get real#i sleep over there not infrequently and we cuddle hella intertwined and kiss and all#ive told him that im stupid as fuck and have anxiety so i need things EXTRA communicated with me#ive hinted at kink#ive told him that i trust him fully not to force me to do anything that i dont wanna do and that as long as hell take no for an answer--#--id have no issue with him telling me what to do more often because i again trust him and would say no if i really didnt want to#(in nonsexual situations like him asking if i wanted to go run an errend with him or wait for him at his place and such)#that i was hoping hed be more confident in making a move by now#but im acespec and in zero rush because sex is take it or leave it to me#id do it for him and i really do want to but its so not a need or even much of a craving#but i might bring it up eventually if he doesnt because he is so sweet and cute and i think he just doesnt wanna assume#because he had to be told that its okay to kiss me and that he can and should talk to me at work like a normal person#so i deadass think he just doesnt want to force me into anything but is also bad at communicating so he doesnt really ask either#its just funny that i think they were talking about me giving head a few days ago and i choked and said something stupid today tho#whores lovesick musings
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povlnfour · 1 year ago
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ੈ✩‧₊˚ CONTENT CREATION (CL16)
pairing: charles leclerc x f!reader
summary: when ferrari hire a new content creator to help their social media presence, fans start noticing a certain friendship developing between her and their star driver.
*face claim: dina denoire (but please imagine her as you see fit)
scuderiaferrari just posted a photo ੈ✩‧₊˚
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liked by 209,885 people
scuderiaferrari we’re all smiling and relaxing on media days📸
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user who is taking such good photos when did ferrari care about their social media
user okay loving all this content we are getting lately but what changed admin
user charles wearing white jeans gives me anxiety
user ferrari cooking something
ferrari just posted a reel ੈ✩‧₊˚
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liked by 451,209 people
scuderiaferrari charles’ comments after the race have left us craving something 🍕
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user SO THAT WAS A GIRL’S VOICE RIGHT.
user IS THE NEW HIRE A GIRL
user so you DID hire a new media person… i knew all this content was too good to be true
ferrari just posted a tiktok ੈ✩‧₊˚
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84k likes, 1.2k comments, 1k shares
video captions:
[carlos: is my person attractive?
charles *laughing*
carlos: that tells me everything!
charles: yes she is!
carlos: is it y/n then?
charles: i’m saying nothing]
ferrari charles and carlos play who am i featuring the members of our ferrari team!👀
top comments
user CHARLES WHAT DO U MEAN UR SAYING NOTHING.
user WHO IS Y/N AND WHY DOES SHE HAVE CHARLES LAUGHING LIKE THAT
user okay but carlos knowing he was immediately y/n from the way charles blushed👀 what does he know that we don’t she must be hot
user admin give us a y/n reveal💳💳💳
ferrari just posted a tiktok ੈ✩‧₊˚
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39.8k likes, 415 comments, 890 saves
ferrari what time do our team arrive for our meeting?
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user THIS IS THE FAMOUS Y/N???? SUDDENLY I UNDERSTAND CHARLES
user UMMM WHO IS THE GIRL
user double checking their team on the website it would appear she’s the content creator👀
user the one charles keeps mentioning???
user wait what time did the meeting start😭
yourusername 5… some of us were late
user IS THIS HER ACCOUNT BC IF SO…???? IM PANICKING SHES SO HOT
yourusername hi😭😭 yes this is me!!!
user oh my god she’s so hot
yourusername just posted a photo ੈ✩‧₊˚
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liked by charles_leclerc and 56,408 others
yourusername first few months of many travelling the world have been a dream. grazi ferrari❤️
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user FINALLY FOUND UR ACCOUNT IVE BEEN WANTING TO SCREAM ABOUT HOW HOT YOU ARE FOR AGES
user was so focused on you i didn’t even notice the photo of charles
charles_leclerc no photo credits?
yourusername WAH WAH WAH
user how does it feel to liVE MY DREAM
yourusername pretty incredible tbh
ferrari just posted a video ੈ✩‧₊˚
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[video captions:
CARLOS: who is most likely to be late because they overslept?
CHARLES: *laughing* probably y/n. she’s always late. i don’t think i’ve seen her be on time to a single meeting yet. she’s also notoriously hard to wake up and sleeps through her alarms and being shaken!
CARLOS: *teasing* you speak from experience, no?
CHARLES: *laughing* i’ve definitely struggled to wake her up a few times!]
twitter reacts ੈ✩‧₊˚
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charles_leclerc just posted a photo ੈ✩‧₊˚
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liked by landonorris, carlossainz55 and 561,356 others
charles_leclerc enjoying the summer break
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user IS THAT Y/N?
user so ferraris content creator gets to see charles shirtless ? where do i apply
yourusername nO pHoTo CrEdItS?!😤😤😤
user GET HIM
user not to be that person but if they went on holiday together that means they probably shared a hotel room right…
user oh they’re totally doing it
user can’t blame her at all i would too
yourusername just posted a photo ੈ✩‧₊˚
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liked by charles_leclerc and 98,406 others
yourusername some well deserved time off🫶
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user UMMM THE SECOND PHOTO??? ITS GIVING BOYFRIEND
user BESTIE WE ALL KNOW UR TOGETHER JUST MAKE IT OFFICIAL‼️
user this is confirmation in my head
formula1 just posted a video ੈ✩‧₊˚
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[video captions:
CHARLES: y/n how do i look?
Y/N: you look alright.
CHARLES: just alright? oh my god my heart is broken.]
top comments
user WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOUR HEART IS BROKEN CHARLES WHY IS HER OPINION SO IMPORTANT TO YOU👀
user oh so they spend the whole summer break together and now they’re in love????
user charles and y/n just announce you’re dating already i beg
user a whole formula 1 video and the first thing charles thinks of is to ask for y/n’s opinion… yeah we’ve lost him guys
user fr and i can’t even blame him have you SEEN her
yourusername just posted a photo ੈ✩‧₊˚
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liked by charles_leclerc and 98,406 others
yourusername thanks idiot for mentioning my name constantly on the internet. glad to know i’m always on your mind (you’re on mine too)
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user OH MY GOD I KNEW IT
user TEARS THEYRE SO CUTE
user not ferrari playing matchmaker😭
charles_leclerc i love you. sorry i had to scream about it, glad i can do it double time now
charles_leclerc just posted a photo ੈ✩‧₊˚
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liked by landonorris, carlossainz55 and 561,356 others
charles_leclerc shout out to ferrari for introducing me to the girl of my dreams and only being minorly annoyed when i decided to make her mine
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user SO REALLLL
user MOTHER AND FATHER!!! ITS OFFICIAL
user when will I have my fanfic worthy love story
carlossainz55 i can’t wait to third wheel for the rest of our career together
yourusername you love us really
carlossainz55 i do. i really do
—————
taglist (found here): @sunflower-golden-vol6 @six-call @skatingiswalkingincursive @peqch-pie @m0cha-bunny @ironmaiden1313 @champagnelovers101 @alessioayla @hobiismyhopeu @mingkyungseokie @woozarts @he6rtshaker @iluvvmeeee @goldenalbon @lucyysthings
as always, comments, likes, reblogs asks etc etc etc always greatly appreciated🫶 had a lot of fun w this one hehe
- giselle xx
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not-neverland06 · 6 months ago
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How About A Nuke?
Part I / Part II / Part III / Part IV / Part V / Part VI / Part VII
Series Masterlist
The ghoul x fem!reader A/N: I see a lot of comments talking about how you guys wished they would just communicate. They are communicating its just that neither of them know what they want. Summary: All you want is to just be clean. He offers to show you a nice little spot where you can finally scrape the grime off of you. What could go wrong?
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“So,” you shifted your bag further up your arm. You were favoring the left today on account of the giant gap he had left in your right bicep. You were still pretty pissed off about that. “Do you ever, you know, bathe?”
He looked over his shoulder at you, he seemed caught off guard by the question. “Bathe?” He repeated, face raised in surprise.
You rolled your eyes and nodded, “Yeah, bathe. I’ve been out here over a week. I’ve got about twenty layers of blood and sand stuck in every crevice.” Your skin crawled thinking about the different types of bodily fluid you’d been sprayed with since coming out of the cryo pod. 
There was a lot of blood, of course, but Hollywood doesn’t show everything that gets excreted in death. You were itching for a good shower. You know that’s out of the question, but there’s got to be something. 
He laughed and ripped off a piece of jerky. He offered you some, grinning when you shook your head. “Buckle up, sweetheart, you’re in for a rude awakening. You can always use the water, but that’s a waste of Radaway if you ask me.” You should have known. It’s not like anyone you’d encountered seemed particularly gung ho about personal hygiene, but you had hoped there would be something. 
You reached down, digging your nails into your arm and scratching off flakes of blood and who knows what else. You shouldn’t have bothered, though, it only made the rest of you feel a hundred times worse. You looked crazy, scratching at yourself like a dog but you couldn’t help it. 
“Alright, damn, I’ll give you some of my Radaway, you look half rabid.”
You stopped with your scratching and stared at him in shock. “You’ll give me some of your Radaway?”
He rolled his eyes, stopping only when he noticed you’d quit walking. “Is that not what I said?”
You crossed your arms and glared at him, “You’re not exactly known for your generosity. What’s the catch?”
He frowned and clutched at his chest like you’d actually done damage, “Now, that hurts darling. I’m just trying to help you out.” He turned around, walking to the right now, further towards greenery and away from the desert. “Plus, it’ll get rid of that fucking smell.”
You kept your mouth shut but he was one to talk. He hadn’t exactly tasted wonderful when he’d kissed you. Nor did he smell amazing. Still, he had made your heart race and it wasn’t from pure terror for once. Though, any positive feelings he’d caused within you had been negated the second he dropped you to the dirt like a used up toy. 
You knew better than to try and bring it up to him, but it had stung. Attacked that vulnerable part of you that made you want to put up walls so high even the sun couldn’t get through. 
With no other choice you sped up and caught up to him. Your hip was still bothering you, but it wasn’t dragging behind you as much as it was a few days ago. The only thing really bugging you now was your throbbing arm. He’d assured you that it couldn’t rot, he’d dealt with that, but that didn’t stop it from hurting like a bitch. 
“Through here is a lake you can use.” He pointed towards the area where the trees started to thin out. 
You looked at him skeptically, “You’re really letting me do this?”
He scoffed and glared at you, “The fuck did I tell you?” You don’t know if he’s talking about his new rule to stop questioning him or about giving you the Radaway, but you keep your mouth shut anyway. He hasn’t been as much of a dick today and you’d rather keep it that way. 
“Here,” he motions through the trees and you stumble into an abandoned neighborhood. It’s been submerged in water, you can spot some old apartment buildings peeking up through the top. 
Briefly, you wonder if you’ve ever passed your old home and just never realized it. You dismiss the thought as quickly as it comes, not willing to let your mind linger on thoughts like that today. 
You slowly make your way to the water, still not entirely trusting of his intentions. He’s made it clear he’s keeping you around for the long haul, but that doesn’t mean he’s stopped tormenting you. “You’re really gonna let me use your Radaway?” You call over your shoulder. 
He sighs and leans against the trunk of a tree. “Get your ass in the water, I won’t wait around all day. 
You’re not dumb enough to fully submerge yourself in radiated water. You just rip a piece of your shirt off and dunk it into the startlingly blue lake. You use it to scrub yourself down, rubbing your arms until they’re raw and feel clean enough. 
You shuffle closer to the water, trying to bend over enough to scrub your face a bit. But when you gaze down into the water you find something gazing back up at you. You scream, scrambling back just as that thing leaps out of the water and towards you. 
Something pink and wet slams into your chest and knocks the air out of your lungs. You grope blindly in the mud for your gun as it opens its mouth. Horror and disgust fill you when you see what’s in its mouth, human fingers dangle like disgusting uvulas. It darts forward, jaw posed to clamp around your whole face. 
A loud bang echoes through the lake. The thing goes flying back and causes ripples to drift across the surface of the water. You clutch your chest, trying to get your breath back and scoot closer to get a better look at whatever attacked you. It’s the size of your torso and looks startling like some deformed axolotl. He’s left a large bullet hole in the middle of it’s head deformed head.
“What the fuck?” You whisper, shakily getting to your feet and groaning when you realize whatever you’d manage to clean off had been replaced by a thick layer of mud. 
You turn around, hoping for some sort of explanation from him, but he’s just bent over laughing, gun still smoking. You grab your bag out of the muck with a huff and glare at him. “Really?”
He straightens up, still grinning and shakes his head. “You should have seen your face, you were petrified.”
”Well, I’m glad someone enjoyed that.” You glare down at the corpse, eyes wide with horror, “It’s got fucking fingers in it’s throat. Human fingers!” He saunters over to you, entirely too pleased with himself. He grabs his inhaler out of his bag and loads it with Radaway. He tosses it over to you and you catch it with your good arm. “You knew that was going to happen, didn’t you?” You press down and take in a deep breath, ignoring how bitter the juice tastes. 
“Never trust anything, rule number one of the Wastelands darling. Can’t even trust the water.” There was a loud roar off towards the middle of the lake and he nodded his head back towards the tree line. “Come on, that one was just a baby Gulper. Momma’s gonna be by soon and I can’t imagine she’ll be real happy.” He walks off without you and you’re stuck staring at the dead mutant. 
“That was a fucking baby?” He laughs at you again and when you catch up with him, you can't help but laugh a little yourself. You probably looked ridiculous, wrestling in the mud with what, apparently, was only an infant. 
He grins at you, “You got a lot to learn.”
You roll your eyes, “Yeah, I know.”
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He’s kneeled down beside you, fingers prodding at the reddened area around your wound. It feels a bit better now, more like touching a fresh bruise rather than raw nerves. He poured some water from his canteen over the area and retied the bandage. He stood up and moved away from you while you dug around in your bag for another ration bar. 
“Fuck,” you mutter under your breath. You’ve got the bar positioned between your knees, and you’re trying, hopelessly, to open it up with one hand. Your fingers, now dusted with dried mud, slip uselessly against the packaging. 
He looks up at you and lets out a loud sigh. “Give it here.”
”I’ve got it-”
“Give. It. Here.” You huff but toss the bar over to him. He rips it open in one smooth move and throws it back to you. You catch it with your good hand and take a large chunk out of it. It feels like rubber and tastes oddly like dried out meatloaf. You’re not exactly sure what flavor it’s supposed to be replicating, but you figure it’s so old it doesn’t really matter as long as it fills you up. 
He pours some water from his canteen onto a ripped piece of cloth and tosses it at you. You’re unprepared, bar in hand and midchew, it slaps against your face and you scowl under the fabric. “Really?” You mutter, mouth half full. You yank it off your face and give him a questioning look. 
“Just clean yourself up.” 
You drag it across your face and arms, trying to get off as much residual mud as you can. Your clothes are a stained, lost cause, but this will do for now. Not like you’re going to get much better without going up against some mutant monster. 
“You’re being nice today?” It comes out like a question more than anything. Probably because you’re having trouble trusting him, especially after the Gulper incident. You wished you could say you can’t believe he would do something like that, but you’re pretty sure he’d been hoping the mom would get you, not the baby. 
He shrugged and leaned back against a fallen log. “Feelin’ chivalrous.”
You hummed but didn’t push. You forced down another lump of your ration and reached for your water. “Where are we heading anyway? Been walking for a long time but we haven’t seem to have gotten anywhere.”
“There’s a compound I took a bounty for. We’re on our way to deliver it.”
You tilted your head as far back as you could, tongue out and hoping to catch the remaining drops of your water. “Shit,” you tossed the canteen back in your bag, already knowing it was hopeless. 
“Ah, hell,” you glanced up and saw Cooper rifling through his supply box. 
“How are you on Radaway?”
He sighed and chucked the box back into his bag. “Got two vials left.” He ran his tongue along his teeth, a pensive expression on his face. 
You sighed and rubbed idly at some mud left on your fingers. “You’re gonna need more soon.”
He cut you off with a sharp laugh. “Faster than soon, this is the diluted shit.” He rubbed at his chest and you wondered if he was already starting to feel the effects of being so low on the medicine. You can’t believe he gave you a vial of his own with so few left. 
Bastard must’ve really wanted to see you get jumped by a gulper. Your face twisted up in distaste and any twinge of sympathy you’d felt for him dissapeared. You wished he would cough so hard he’d choke on his tongue, at least then you wouldn’t have to listen to his bullshit anymore. 
He looked over at you and then your bag. “Got any of that purified water left?” You shook your head, crumpling the wrapper of your bar up and tossing it somewhere behind you, 
“Just ran out, not sure where I’m gonna find more.”
He chuckled and stood up, slinging his bag over his shoulder. “I do,” you stood up and grabbed your own bag, following behind him. 
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Loud laughter and rowdy conversation drifts into the night air. You sit perched behind a large boulder, staring into the building across from you. It’s an old supermarket, refurbished to fit the Wastelanders' needs. “They’ll have what we need?”
He doesn’t look at you, his sight is dead set on the men milling about in front of you. They’re clearly guards, switching positions every couple of minutes and loaded to the teeth with weapons. Cooper silently tracks them, eyes darting between them as they switch positions yet again. 
“Yep,” he lifts up into a squat and watches as one of the men turns his back to lace up his boot. “Now!” He grabs you by the sleeve of your jacket and drags you along as he weaves between the guards. He throws you in front of him, practically tossing you inside the store. 
You hold back your gasp of shock and duck behind a waist-high shelf. There are only seven or eight men walking around inside. They’ve got a fire burning in the middle of the store, the empty shelves pushed back against the walls. Behind them is about the largest pile of supplies you’ve seen since being up here. They could give Ma June a run for her money. 
You peek your head over the shelf and try to get a look at just how many weapons they have. You hear the familiar sound of spurs walking behind you and twist immediately to see Cooper walking calmly towards the group with his hands raised in surrender. He catches your eye and winks before he fully addresses them. 
“Gentlemen!” You sigh and sink back against the shelf, an irritated look on your face. The shelf screeched forward slightly and you scrambled off it, you caught Cooper twitch a little in irritation but he didn’t say anything. He’s been fully noticed at this point, the others all glaring at him with their guns raised. 
He had a full view of all eight men from his perspective. What he couldn’t see, which you could, was a ninth man sneaking up behind him with a knife. He had it poised, aiming to strike right through the back of Cooper’s neck. 
Without thinking too much on it, you leapt out of your hiding spot and used your good arm to point your gun in the man’s face. He came to a stop almost cartoonishly, eyes wide and the knife in his hands trembling when you popped out. 
Cooper barely gave you a glance out of the side of his eye and you figured he knew all about the ninth man. He must have been testing you, see if you really had his back. “Hey!”
“Who the fuck is she!”
“What are you doing here?”
You ignored the sounds of their voices, you kept the gun trained on the boy and motioned him towards the left of the room. He followed, letting you guide him backwards until he was scrambling to hide behind his friends. It’s then that you finally got a good look at just how many guns were trained on you. 
One of them pumped their shotgun and you pulled back the hammer of your gun. Cooper’s guns were still tucked away in their holster, it was just you and however much firepower they could cram between ten pairs of hands. 
“Now, I suggest that you gentlemen put those guns down or my friend here is gonna get a little too friendly with her trigger.”
One of them scoffed, gesturing with the barrel of their pistol towards your right arm hanging limply by your side. “She got a bad arm and a shaking hand.”
“Maybe,” you call out, “but I got a working finger. I only need one of ‘em to kill you.”
Before he can respond there’s another one stepping forward. “She can get real friendly with me.” He’s got a lecherous grin on his face and a look in his eyes that makes your skin crawl. You sigh, sick of the men up here being so predictable, and turn your gun on him. His eyes widen, like he hadn’t seen you pointing it at his friends, and you pull the trigger. 
Your aim is a little off and the recoil is harder to handle with only one hand available to you, but you’ve got a sawed off shotgun in your hand, don’t have to have a great aim to kill a man with that. His twitching body has barely hit the ground before you’re diving to the right and ducking behind a shelving unit. 
Cooper goes to the left, eyes wide in the same astonishment as those men. Bullets started flying the second their friend was on the ground. They were shouting all sorts of insults and threats at you but it was hard to make out over all the shooting.
“You shot him!” Cooper shouted over the hail fire of bullets.
You rolled your eyes and did your best to reload the gun with your wobbly hand. “He pissed me off,” you shouted back at him. You leveled the gun over the top of the shelves and fired blindly. There was a loud yelp and then another Bitch shouted at you, so you must have hit something. 
“You know, I was trying to handle this civilly,” Cooper jumped to his knees and turned around quickly. He fired off a quick succession of shots, four bodies dropped as he did. The rate of gunfire slowed a bit as more men fell. He ducked down and ran across the room, throwing himself down next to you. He tossed his guns at you and tugged yours out of your hand. “Reload me,” you nodded and tugged some bullets out of his bandolier while he used your gun to shoot at them. 
“I’m sure you handling it civilly would have ended the exact same fucking way.”
He grinned and sat back next to you, “Well,” he shrugged, “maybe. Maybe not, doesn’t matter now.” You handed him his reloaded guns and he dropped yours in your lap. “Only a few left, use the shelves as cover and circle around behind ‘em.” He didn’t stay to make sure you understood his plan, he immediately set off, drawing the fire away from you and making a run for it. 
“Shit,” you hissed, struggling to your feet and following his instructions. With only a few of them left it should have been quick work to get rid of the last few stragglers, but the guards from outside had heard the scuffle and were rushing in. Cooper shot most of them but one got close enough to snatch his gun from his hands and throw it to the floor. 
Cooper struggled against the man, his towering form easily overpowering Cooper. Though, your friend didn’t seem particularly worried, if anything it looked like he was letting the man live to draw out the fight, like he was enjoying it. 
You were going to just leave him to it when you saw the same bastard from before with the knife sneaking up behind him again. You rush forward, scooping up Cooper’s gun as you go and shove the man backwards. 
He grunts at the impact but he refused to be deterred. He charges at you, eyes red with rage and blackened mouth frothing like a rabid dog. You try and keep your guard up but you’ve got a gimp leg and a useless arm, it’s not a fight you’re going to win. 
He wraps an arm around your waist and yanks you into him. You grunt, breathing out slowly as you feel his knife slide into your gut. You glance down at the rusted blade and shove your gun under his chin. His eyes widen when you draw the hammer back but you don’t flinch when you pull the trigger, not even when chunks of skull and hair start raining down on you. 
Cooper must have finally noticed the tussle happening behind him because he draws his second gun out from under his coat and ends his little fight with the last of them. You must be in shock, you still haven’t fully experienced the pain that you should. 
There’s a knife sunk past the handle slammed into your gut, you should be feeling something shouldn’t you? You’re sure it’s the adrenaline still pumping through you. Your body is warm from how fast your blood is pumping, your ears ringing from all the gunshots and head spinning from the amount of blood steadily leaking out of the wound. 
“Hey,” you turn around to face him and his eyes widen ever so slightly. You lose your footing and he darts forward, quick arms grab you and draw you into his chest. You clutch onto the sleeve of his jacket, letting all of your weight rest on him while you try and get your panicked breathing under control. 
You’ve had worse injuries than this. As hard as it is to believe, in your time up here, you’ve survived a lot worse than some measly stab wound. 
So why does this feel so fucking bad?
“Oh,” you moan in pain, nearly doubling over. A feeling like a million exposed nerves being set on fire stops you from falling to the floor, instead you push off Cooper and struggle to your feet. 
“Alright, come on,” he grabs your arm again and you have the ridiculous urge to just shove him off you. Your head is swimming,  you feel like you could float away. You look down at the knife again and finally realize just how large it is. One of those hunting ones that was about the width of your hand curled into a fist. 
Well, fuck.
“Hey,” he snaps when you stumble away from him again. “Sit your stubborn ass down, you need help.” He yanks on the straps of your shirt, holding you up and dragging you to a chair, you don’t have much choice as he forces you to sit. Though, the motion causes a wave of excruciating pain to flare through you. 
He kneels in front of you and rips your shirt open, you’re in too much pain to complain about it right now. He hums low in the back of his throat as he takes in the wound. With no warning whatsoever he grabs the knife by the handle and yanks it out like he’s ripping off a fucking bandaid. 
You nearly scream, lurching forward and shoving him away from you. The sudden shock of pain has left you half blind and panting like an animal. “What the fuck was that?” You force out through gritted teeth. He plants a hand on your shoulder and presses you firmly against the back of the chair. 
“Need to get you a Stimpak.” He takes your hand in his and presses it against the wound. Where blood was once oozing, it’s now gushing. You hadn’t realized just how much keeping the knife in had kept the blood at bay. With how rapidly it’s leaving you now you’re afraid. 
You’re afraid that you might not be able to make it back from the edge with just a Stimpak. You can already feel your fingers going cold, pretty soon you won’t be able to flex them and then you’d lose feeling in your arms too. 
“Hey,” he uses the grip he has on your hand to press down on the wound. You groan but he keeps the pressure steady. His eyes bore into your dazed ones, some odd expression in them. “You don’t get to give up. Keep pressure on this, understand me?” Your head flops forward in a lazy nod. 
He could have been gone for a minute or an hour, you wouldn’t have been able to tell the difference. Your head is foggy, coherent thoughts replaced by loopy ones. You’re struggling to remember where you are or what you’re supposed to be doing. 
Just as your hand slips from the wound, he comes back. He grabs your hand and places it back, holding it there with his own. You appreciate the way he warms your fingers back up, but the rest of you is freezing too. Maybe he’d share his jacket. 
The thought of him sharing anything makes you laugh and he gives you a frustrated look. “Don’t go losing it on me. Not yet at least.”
You lean forward, face nearly pressed against his and grin. “You know, I haven’t heard a thank you yet.”
He scoffed, opening the Stimpak with one hand and preparing the injector. “Yeah, for what?”
“Saving your life, dick.”
You’re caught off guard when he slams the needle into your stomach, your lips part with a silent gasp and you wince at the cool rush of medicine. He grins at you, “Well, thank you for being the only dumbass to get herself stabbed in a gun fight.”
The medicine works fast, you learned that from when he’d shot you. You can already start to feel the pulse of blood slowing and your head clearing up slightly. “Asshole,” you hiss, leaning away from him. But his eyes stay trained on you, on both of your blood covered hands and where they still rest, linked together, on your stomach. 
You find yourself taking advantage of his distraction to really look at him. It bothers you, how after everything, his eyes are still so pretty. It’s the first thing that drew your attention when you were younger. Those eyes of his had you swooning from the first time you saw him on the big screen. 
He catches you but you can’t find it in yourself to care. There’s something odd in the air, a lingering tension from the kiss you’d never discussed. From the silent partnership you’d never voiced. You’d nearly gotten yourself killed for him tonight, the thought finally seemed to be dawning on him. 
His eyes drop to your lips and he leans in. He doesn’t get very far, lips just barely brushing yours before you’re jerking back in surprise. You’re bleeding out in his hands and he kisses you? Your hand is up and cracking across his cheek before you can think about it. 
His head whips to the side with a satisfying crack. He lets out a breathy chuckle, using his free hand to soothe the area you’d hit. He stretches the tension out of his jaw and shakes his head before he looks at you again. 
Maybe he shouldn’t have kissed you. You definitely shouldn’t be further entertaining his ideas that he holds any sort of possession for you, but you’d just realized what that look in his eyes had been earlier. He had been worried about you. 
Cooper has always been the one who protected you. Not the other way around. And as twisted as he’d become, it still relatively remained the same dynamic today. You’d caught him off guard earlier, putting yourself in danger like that for him. And he had been worried about you. 
You grab him by the collar of his jacket and drag him forward before he can decide what to do with the fact that you slapped him. Your lips meet again and he hovers over you on your chair. The hand on your stomach pushes harder against you, deepening the pressure and making you groan into his mouth. 
He doesn’t waste time, deepening the kiss and letting his other bloodied hand drift into your hair. His fingers curl around the strands and he yanks your neck back, manipulating you how he wants and bending you to his desires. You melt into it, into the complete control you allow him to momentarily wield over you. 
You let your mind go blank and just focus on him. You can pretend, for now, that you’re in his old house. You’re coming back after a date at one of those fancy restaurants that he hates, but he takes you there anyway so you can have an excuse to dress up. 
He’ll whisper I love you and drag you to the couch. You’ll start there, his kisses traveling lower until he’s dragging you back to his bedroom. You’ll feel valued, cherished, loved. Cooper will take care of you. 
He parts slowly from you, still keeping a firm grip on your hair. It takes a moment for your eyes to flutter open again. You’re sure you look like a mess, staring up at him with glossy eyes and swollen lips, completely drenched in your own blood. 
“Don’t think about him when I’m the one kissing you, darling.” Your eyes widen and he lets you go. He shoves back from you and paces towards his bag. Any warmth in his eyes, any care, was gone. 
You want to say something to drag him back but the moment has passed. It’s not like he was wrong, you were pretending he was someone completely different to make yourself feel better. 
But you couldn’t make yourself feel guilty when you remembered half the reason you needed the comfort was because of who he was now. He comes back with a needle and thread. He lets the needle hover over the men’s fire for a moment before he approaches you with it. “Stimpak will only do so much, need to sew you up.”
You nodded and looked away as he knelt down and pressed the needle into your skin. You barely felt it,  could barely pay attention to him when your thoughts were on what it was like before. What he was like before. Sometimes it makes you sick to your stomach to look at him. 
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end. — I do not own the characters or the game/show Fallout, but this writing is my own all rights reserved © not-neverland06 2024. do not copy, repost, translate & recommend elsewhere.
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nsoulnet · 10 months ago
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🎧- e.w mindbreak
summary: in which ellie gifts reader an odd pair of headphones, and weird things start to happen.
warnings: MDNI!!!!, dom!ellie, sub!reader, manipulation, smuttt, mindbreak, hypno, bdsm, smoking blunts/ weed use, freeuse, exhibitionism, probably more that i forgot to list
✮ ⋆ ˚。𖦹 ⋆。°✩.✮ ⋆ ˚。𖦹 ⋆。°✩
my first ellie fic- enjoy! (tips and such are appreciated)
you're at work one day, humming at your desk as you finish up a task when your coworker ellie comes up to you.
you both don't talk much, but she's always been nice to you. its kind of weird, since she's cold to your other coworkers, but you don't think too much of it.
"hey, i got these headphones and customized them for my friend, but it turns out she doesn't really use them. your old pair broke, right? so i guess you could have these." she says, smiling. such a sweet gesture!
"oh, thank you! ive been wanting a new pair!" you say, returning the warm smile, and ellie hands you a box with some black headphones on them.
you're surprised when you open the box to find pink headphones, and they seem to be a little modified. ellie is long gone so you can't really ask, but you assume it's because the headphones were supposed to be for a friend of hers.
you put the headphones on, and they fit comfortably, so you decide to just start using them. you play some music, but are confused to realize something's wrong. there's an odd frequency playing.
so you just play a different song, except you keep hearing that same frequency. you stop playing the music to see, and think everything's normal again until you listen close and the frequency is still there.
you were raised by a family that was against waste, so you decide to just suck it up and use the headphones anyway. plus, after wearing them for a few days, you find every time ellie sees you with the headphones on, she just looks so excited. probably just really happy to see you using her gift.
however, odd things begin to happen. suddenly, every time you see ellie your panties get all sticky and you just want to follow her around like a lost puppy.
plus, you're getting worse and worse at your job. you start to forget things, or just simply ignore them. because now, all you spend your time at work doing is looking for ellie. she seems to already know you're getting dumber, and she helps with all the 'big girl things' you just can't do anymore.
"hi, angel, you need help right?" she coos every time you come find her to do something for you. "im so proud of you for coming to get me, i know you can't do it by yourself. it's okay..." and her gentle praise only makes your cunt leak more.
your boss sees how you don't really work anymore and gets angrier, much to ellie's advantage. one day, she takes you into the washroom and shows you a video.
one big, sparkly pink spiral is plastered on her phone screen, and she connects your headphones so you can hear the audio -
"you feel so good with your little pussy all wet, all you want are some orgasms right? you don't think any more, you only get dumber and dumber..." and the video trails off.
it feels like hours that you stand there staring at the screen, hypnotized. you feel her hands on your body, touching your nipples and squeezing your boobs. "you want an orgasm right? wanna cum so bad, but you can't do it yourself? come with me, ellie will help." she coos, and your horny broken mind only wants to listen.
ellie takes you to her house, something she's been wanting to do for a long time, "just had to make sure you were dumb enough," she thinks to herself.
she brings you into her room where there's a little cage all perfect for you, with your new favourite color: pink. she ties you up, all pretty, with an even prettier pink ball gag. you squirm a little, confused. you're not completely dumb yet, and ellie's annoyed by that fact.
luckily, there's a good solution. "it's okay princess, ellie will break that mind of yours, alright?" she says, teasingly. now that she has you all for herself, she doesn't need to keep up the nice act.
ellie leaves you to struggle briefly, before coming back with a small egg-shaped vibrator. she tapes it right on top of your clothed clit, before continuing to play hypno files.
you squirm, even though it hurts with all the tight ropes, at the feeling of the vibe. not only have you gotten soo much dumber, you're also needier. without really meaning to, you mumble a series of broken pleas through the gag. you don't care that ellie hypnotized you and is actively trying to break you. all you want is to cum.
ellie smiles when she notices you moving your hips, desperate for more friction. she presses down on the vibe before sliding her hands up your shirt to rub your nipples. the look in your big, teary eyes makes her clit throb.
"come on, know you wanna cum your brains out, so just do it. cum for me angel," she teases, and it sends you over the edge fast. finally, you break, her dumb little nympho toy.
she unties you quickly and removes the gag before taking all your clothes off. "good girls don't wear clothes if they don't need to... right, baby?"
"yes ellie!" you respond, nearly drooling from how good your last orgasm was- and how badly you want another one. ellie immediately takes her pants off when she hears how you say her name. she wants to fuck you soo bad already
shit, and the look in your eyes- like not a single thought passes through your head, ever. that's how she knows you're broken.
ellie lights a blunt fast, and you find yourself practically humping the floor at how hot she is when she smokes. the air in her room seems to get heavier, and it's greenish-yellow tinted. long puffs, and she takes a few hits before turning to you. "always wanted to do this, since the day i first saw that stupidly cute little face," she whispers, chuckling.
she takes a hit, and this time she blows it in your face. you cough, disoriented by the sudden sensation but you love every second of it. and you're happy to be obedient because maybe that means another orgasm- fuck, you just want to cum again.
lucky for you, ellie does too. she picks you up and throws you on her bed, kissing your pretty lips until you can't feel them. she stops momentarily, opening her drawer and getting her strap, a vibrator, and something else you can't see.
you realise what it is when you feel your nipple get pinched harshly, ellie put nipple clamps on you. you whine a little, but come to be... okay with the sensation. you just want to please ellie, after all.
and anyway, being so good for her pays off. you know for sure when she's 8 inches deep inside of you, stuffing your face inside a pillow with one hand and rubbing your clit with the other.
"you gonna make a mess, hm? you gonna make a mess for ellie?" she says, leaning over to kiss your swollen lips. "mhm, yesyesyesyes, 'm gonna make a mess for ellie, fu-u-uckkk, els," you whimper, and you know it's exactly what she wants to hear.
the base of the strap absolutely abuses ellie's clit, and it's not long before her movements become frantic and she gets even meaner. "yeah, you gonna cum your brains out again like a little whore? yeah?" she groans, slapping your ass harshly.
"say it, say you're a stupid whore for ellie," she says, when she doesn't hear a response. she's right about to cum, she just needs to hear you admit it.
"i-im a stupid whore for ellie!" you whine, having your third- or was it your fourth? orgasm since ellie broke you. it didn't matter how many you had, you just wanted more.
ellie nearly felt the same way. having her own little toy, it was too good just thinking about the possibilities.
after that day, ellie tried out all the things she'd been wanting to do. she brought you to work with her, except now you went so you could be the cum dumpster of the office, going under tables to eat your former coworkers out until they came all over your face.
she took you to the park, so she could humiliate you by making you hump random things. she took you to the library, so she could make you ask the female staff about books while controlling the vibrator in your panties,
even at home, ellie humiliated you by making you clean or do gardening outside with a skirt and no panties. anyone sensible would have been way to embarrassed to keep doing these things.
except you didn't really have a problem with your new life, because you always got orgasms, and that was all your dumb, broken slutty brain ever wanted.
✮ ⋆ ˚。𖦹 ⋆。°✩.✮ ⋆ ˚。𖦹 ⋆。°✩
this account supports palestine 🇵🇸❤️
do not buy any tlou games! neil druckmann, the creator, is a zionist who's funding a genocide! do not give him your money!
https://www.tumblr.com/sulfurcosmos/732456971539775488/how-you-can-help-palestine
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softxsuki · 1 month ago
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heyy kinda urgent request ^^
i have starvation bulimia n its gotten to the point where ive started fainting at random times, its as if my bodys giving up on me
could i have smt comforting w oikawa, kageyama and/or kenma (im totally fine w js one or twoo💗)
lyl 🌺
Oikawa, Kageyama, and Kenma (Separate) With Reader Who's Bulimic
please don't read if mentions of bulimia, food, or starving yourself will trigger you
| Pairing: Oikawa x Gn!Reader, Kageyama x Gn!Reader, Kenma x Gn!Reader | Genre: Comfort | Post-Type: Headcanons | Word Count: 1.2k |
Warnings: bulimia, reader starving herself, fainting, feeling ill, food, vomitting
Note: Did all three for you <3 Hope this helps :)
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Oikawa:
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Oikawa is very into himself, but being the captain of his volleyball team, he’s very observant 
You’re one of the few people he actually cares about, so when you started acting differently, he picked up on it pretty quickly
One specific day you had shown up to one of his games, giving him a peck on the cheek for good luck like you usually did, but he could see how drained you looked
You had blamed it on a lack of sleep, but he knew that wasn’t the truth as you took your place on the bleachers, cheering him on with what little energy you could muster up
About half way into the game, your persistent rumbling in your stomach that you had been ignoring since purging your food last night seemed to catch up to you
One second you were watching the game, and the next you were on the ground, staring up at the ceiling
A few people around you had surrounded you to help you up, and seeing the commotion from the court, Oikawa tapped out of the game, having someone take his place as he races up to the bleachers to get to you
“I knew you weren’t okay,” he grits, helping you off the ground. “Let’s go”
He guides you away from the crowd of people, who quickly turn their attention to the match
Guilt eats away at you that you’d taken him away from his game
“Toru, I’m fine. You can go back to your game, I just got a little dizzy”
“You’re not fine. Stop brushing this off as something else. Can’t you trust me and let me know what’s going on? I know something’s wrong, but I can’t help you if you don’t let me in”
You’d never seen this man so eager to help in his life, so you swallow your pride and open up to him very briefly about what’s been going on with you
How you go from starving yourself to binge eating and making yourself throw your food back up; you express how badly you felt about yourself and why you do it
Oikawa listens to every word you have to say, holding you gently as if you’d collapse in his arms if he squeezed too tight
Slowly, everything seemed to piece together in his head thanks to your opening up to him–your drowsiness, fainting today, how thin you’d gotten compared to the first day he’d met you, it all made sense now
He hugs you gently, pressing a kiss to the top of your head, thanking you for finally telling him
You knew then and there that he’d never judge you about this, and from that day forward he did his best to support you and slowly help you get over this bump in your life
Reminding you everyday that you were perfect, and eating meals with you, reassuring you that it was okay
Slowly destroying yourself would not happen with him, he’d make sure you built a healthy relationship with food again, not matter how long it would take
Kageyama:
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Kageyama is pretty similar to Oikawa in that he’s very observant, which he needs to be as a setter on his team
He’d realized something was wrong when you’d always excuse yourself to the bathroom after every meal you’d shared together
But one specific evening, he decided to follow after you without being seen
It was at a restaurant with a private bathroom, so as you went in, he waited outside where he eventually heard the retching noises of you throwing up your food
You hadn’t looked sick or nauseous when you got up to go to the restroom, so he assumed this was a regular thing for you
He waited outside until you came back out, seeing the way your eyes widened when you saw him, before composing yourself
“D-did you need to use it as well? Go ahead,” you say slowly, moving to walk back to the table, but Kageyama silently takes your hand and leads you out of the restaurant, already having taken care of the bill
It’s only when the two of you are wordlessly walking side by side, leading you back home when he speaks up
“How often do you do it?” He asks lowly, shoving his hands in his pockets
He knew. Of course he knew, there was no going around it now as you sigh softly to yourself, kicking imaginary rocks as you walk by his side
“It’s different each time…I guess it just depends on how I feel after I eat. Sometimes I just try and go without eating, but that makes me feel physically ill…” you explain slowly, scared to meet his eyes
Kageyama comes to a halt, taking your hand to make you stop as well, lifting your chin so you could meet his eyes
“There’s no need to feel bad about it. I may not understand why you’d choose to do this, but now that I know, I can try and help,” he says softly, giving your hand a squeeze. “Promise me you’ll come to be first before taking matters into your own hands next time”
You make that promise to him, almost relieved that he now knew, there was nothing to hide from him now
The following days, Kageyama spent his free time learning more about what you were going through, and asking you how he could be of help
Kenma:
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It takes Kenma a little longer to know something is going on with you
He finally notices something is wrong when you keep denying to eat with him, and that makes him realize that he’s never actually seen you eat in front of him
You were over at his place while he played games when he heard your stomach rumble, causing him to pause his game and turn around to face you, setting his remote down
“Wanna eat something? I’m getting a little hungry,” he says slowly, gauging how you’ll react
When you shake your head no, he sighs and joins you on his bed, giving your cheek a gentle poke
“I heard your stomach growl dummy, why haven’t you been eating?” He asks innocently, no sign of judgment or malice in his expression, but that question makes you freeze
“Fine then I’ll have something small…”
“No, you weren’t going to eat, tell me why”
He’s very stubborn and insistent and won’t leave you alone until you tell him what’s going on
Once you realize staying quiet will get you nowhere, you tell him what you’ve been going through
He’s confused as to why you’d feel this way when you were and still are perfect in his eyes
Things are simple for Kenma, but this was something he didn’t really understand much about, so he’d ask you questions and hum in thought as you answer him
He’d pull you into his arms as you continue to talk, cuddling into you as he continues to grunt in response
“Sorry I didn’t notice…” he mumbles into your neck, nuzzling into you like a cat. “I don’t entirely understand why this is happening, but promise me you’ll let me try and help you. I don’t want you to get sick from starving yourself, or to faint and hit your head if that ever happens when you’re not with me…so let’s beat this boss villain together”
Of course, referencing everything to a video game means Kenma is really serious about this, and together you’d become victorious in this vicious game of life
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Posted: 10/7/2024
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stringlessau · 2 months ago
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IT'S STRINGLESS' 1 YEAR ANNIVERSARY (+ early concept art compilation)
Posting this dumbass little video to start off the day since we have a lot of little gifts for our awesome community today.
One of those things is something i've been wanting to do for a very long while: posting a lot of the original concept art for stringless (since ive always enjoyed seeing other people's early concepts) some of these i have posted massively before, some are completely unseen, so it'll be fun
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This one is the page that started it all, his design is at the same time largely unchanged and also completely different
All i have to say is that it originally said (regarding spamton and swatch) "they bicker like an old married couple" but then i thought about it and i changed it so theyre literally just married
Didnt mean to make swatchton, made it anyway lmfao
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Right after that, i got working on neo designs, I wanted to make him really scary looking, the original concept was to make him look skeletal and generally for him to look insane and like he had been reanimated from the dead, but a lot of people had told me over time that they didn't really like the design, I was very defensive over it but I ended up taking criticism and i actually really like the new neo, it balances the uncanniness of the original design with the sleekness of my new art
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Payton was a natural next step, without someone to sell the thorn ring there'd be no neo, so although his design visually stayed almost the same, he went through a lot of color revisions (thanks mostly to @maskedalterego, who helped me to nail his final color palette), he suggested the gloves, and helped me to balance the saturation of the design since really I've never had a good eye for color.
His final design, color wise, was just me experimenting using the colors of my sona at the time on him, which I was hesitant to do but was so happy with the palette that I kept it.
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It's interesting that he was originally intended to be the pink addison (since he sells one of the snowgrave required rings), and the reason he ended up being the blue addison was corey beepington (and the eviction notice short which I have taken one too many concepts from), this still influenced me to make his outfit pink initially, which still is a huge part of his character design
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That exact same night, I created concept art for Raster (weirdly, I was sure I created them before Payton, but it might be because I was generally uninterested in Payton earlier on), their design is also largely unchanged, I just got better with shapes and color, I also ended up changing their cheek markings after seeing some swatchton fanchild art by ne0nbandit
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A first until now, the first concepts for payton neo were made on paper
I took very long on this design, and I only updated it every few weeks to make tweaks because I felt the concept was too good but my execution didnt make it justice
I'm very proud of how the design looks now, as of the latest neo redesigns, I feel I could finally make this idea justice
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Swatch's design went through some last minute changes, I wanted to use this color palette for swatch to contrast with spamton, but decided against it, then i changed their hair to be longer, to make their Stringless design distinct from their regular Deltarune design
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Historically, these two are pretty important, the first pieces of art I ever made featuring Rakhin's old design, when he wasn't part of stringless and I was just befriending rope (he made me Payton fanart first, fell in love with his style), the contrast is beautiful
Now to finish this post, here's some unseen Snowgrave route art I made over the time Stringless has been in development, they're all pretty quick sketches, but i love them nonetheless
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Thanks everyone for the insane reception this AU has gotten, I haven't been feeling very good this whole year for a huge amount of reasons I can't get into, but Stringless and its community always helps me to remember why I do the things I do
Thanks for everyone's comments and everyone's kindness, thanks especially to @theropeaaa , for being the literal other half of this AU, without whom I couldn't have ever done the Stringless pages, @maskedalterego for helping me and listening to my ramblings since the start, @scamp-boxx for being this AU's biggest hype man (the first ever comment on the first spamton concept art was by them, and they helped me nail so much of the snowgrave route), @boykisserwoah and @weirdohno , for also being here from the start and making an absolutely insane amount of fanart oh my god, @gutamajunk , for motivating me to create Raster, and writing several story outlines on the first days of stringless that were the foundation for the pages, and diaryous milch and rory, our friends that have helped with character designs, story ideas, voice acting and have generally been instrumental to what stringless is today
THANKS EVERYONE <3
-Nick
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bahrtofane · 9 months ago
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you visit jude and decide to take him through the night to show him a little something, and he shows you one in return
bff!jude x reader
word count - 900+
watch it - pure fluff + teasing and silly judi
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windows down driving through a warm madrid night with jude in your passenger. just happy you let him tag along. its your second day in the city, your first seeing him in months. you’ve been itching to. but he doesn’t need to know. his ego will only inflate even more. what will you do with him then? he's already a hand full.
he wanted to greet you at the airport (and bring flowers. friends bring flowers to airports right? right...)
he thinks you'd kill him if he did either.
he missed you, though he doesn’t yet know how to say it yet. worse, he thinks he just might love you.
friendship with you makes him want to tear his hair out. why does he want to kiss you. why does his heart ache at every single good bye. and more importantly why are you one of the very select few that hes allowed to call or face time him at any time
he needs to get it together. especially when you look so star studded like this, driving with one hand, lights of the city flickering on your face, drumming your fingers against the wheel while you tease him
he treasures you. he doesn’t know why you keep going out of your way to see him. he wants to ask. one day, some day, not today.
he chooses to stick his head out the window instead , ignoring the looks he just knows he's getting from the cars around him. you only giggle at his antics, turning the music up.
you hum to the music that blasts from the speakers, not a care in the world, weaving through the streets maybe a little too carelessly but you cant help it. not when his eyes gleam so.
he sticks his head back inside, shimmying into his seat properly, but he hasn’t had enough of the night breeze. hand hanging out of the window, arms outstretched, reaching up up up. you think he could reach the stars like this.
who are you kidding. he's a star himself.
he turns to you, smile wide, burst of laughter falling from his lips, "you drive like a mad man."
you shrug, "you’re having fun aren’t you?"
he mimics you, raising his shoulders dramatically, "am i?"
you shake your head, looking over your shoulder as you change lanes. he laughs, mumbling something about you needing extra classes. and who has their license in the first place, you or him?
never mind that, you want to show him something. you saw it driving to your hotel.
you come off the highway, slowing down as you go up a ramp, back into city roads. you watch as he looks out the window wide eyed. jude, always eager to experience everything. do you make the list?
you hope so.
you drive through turns and loops with one hand, the other outstretched trying to catch the wind.
"copy cat." he mutters.
you narrow your eyes at him, "and who can drive then?"
he quiets at this, huffing in his seat.
you reach the side of a building, parking your car. jude is still pretending to sulk when you step out, heading over to his side.
you lean down, resting a hand on the door, "come on you big baby, something i wanna show you."
he perks up at this, "a surprise?"
you snort, "something like that."
he hops out, closing the door being him. you don’t go very far, leaning on the drivers side of your car, pointing to the side of a building. he looks up, gasping.
its a billboard of him, spanning practically the whole side of the structure. there he stands in his iconic stance. text reading "made in birmingham" on the bottom.
"ive never seen this one before..." he trails off.
"pretty cool one. its huge."
he hums, "makes me look extra cool."
you scoff, "yeah you need it."
"hey!' he yells, launching forward as you run from him.
down the street while you giggle, only the moon and street lights to guide your path. he hurls empty insult while you try not to think too deeply about the implications of it all. he catches up in an instant. of course he does. grabbing your arm and dragging you back to your car while you groan.
you try to throw a fit, wriggling against his grip the best you can but man is the guy strong. turning to face you, brow raised. he turns a little to fast, till your pressed almost right up against each other. faces so close you could just lean in to-
kiss!
his lips press against yours. warm and sweet. soft and gentle.
he pulls away just as fast, apologies tumbling from the same lips so fast he cant hear you saying its okay.
so you kiss him instead. wrapping a hand around his. you can feel him relax under you, tensions seeping from his frame where he stands.
grounded.
when you part. you think your face is genuinely in flames. oh how youve dreamed of doing just that a million times over.
he laughs , the idiot laughs. clutching onto your hands like a life line, "ive been waiting ages to do that." he sighs.
"me too." you confess, shy. looking away, your gaze ends up back at billboard jude.
he wrinkles his nose, "id rather kiss you more somewhere where he isn’t spying."
you gasp, "are you jealous of yourself?" dragging the two of you back to your car.
he shrugs, ducking back inside and buckling up, "im just saying he doesn’t need to be seeing my business."
you roll your eyes, turning your car on and back to driving, "you’re so dramatic."
"but you’re having fun aren’t you?" he teases.
you ignore this. speeding through streets with all the windows down while you let him choose the music again.
you have a soft spot so what? so does he.
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these-posts-arent-real · 6 months ago
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(masterpost link)
Aaand we have returned to the madness on a larger scale! What are these cats up to...
#sighh #i know i've been away from dash sim posting for a while #was dealing with my last few days of school #but #that is Over Now #i can return to fulfilling everyone's need for Warrior Cats But Tumblr
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🐦 s3afow1s--sc0wl Follow
PLEASE stop talking about the most recent TTDV slates without spoilers, it hasn't made its rounds to ShadowClan yet and I don't want to know what's going to happen before I read it!!!!
#ttdv discussion #ttdv:rp #through the desert vast #ttdv: rattlesnake path #ttdv #through the desert vast: rattlesnake path #especially since i heard the newest slates have seafowl in them a lot #he's my specialest guy...
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🔁 🛤 carnation-stem-02 reblogged
🍲 ex-thundrclan-kipper Follow
I think the worst thing about no longer being a Clan cat is that a lot of the time I have no idea what y'all over there are talking about. What is TTDV?
🦁 lionsight-x3 Follow
TTDV stands for Through the Desert Vast. It's a new slate series everyone's going bee-brained over... I haven't read it yet because I prefer for a series to be finished before reading, but I've heard good things. Queer rep within the first couple chapters of the first slate-set, a non-traditional setting and cast (a rogue group living in the desert), and complex characters... needless to say I'm excited for when it finishes and I can read it!
#it's been on my to-read list for a while #maybe this is a sign #it seems pretty cool #ttdv
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🔁 🐦 s3afow1s--sc0wl reblogged
⛰️ fc-rockpaint Follow
In honor of Through the Desert Vast becoming popular, I've decided to make a rock-dye project on all of the main characters. Today's character is... Seafowl!
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Unfortunately I don't have the right paints to portray him accurately (I haven't been able to find any white herbs for his patches, but I'm still on the lookout!) but this is mostly accurate to how he is described in the slates.
🌠 nightshade-tast3s-yummy Follow
Pssst... @s3afow1s--sc0wl
#eeeek! seafowl! #i looove him so much... my precious boy... #art #ttdv #ttdv seafowl #thanks for the tag!
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🔁 🌻 l1llyst3m reblogged
🌻 l1llyst3m Follow
Aahhhh I've finally gotten into TTDV and... NOBODY was gonna tellme that one of the characters is heavily implied to be transfem? Nobody thought I'd find this interesting????
🌻 l1llyst3m Follow
SCRATCH THAT. IT'S CANON. PIT VIPER IS CANONICALLY TRANS.
🐚 hermitcrabfriend Follow
I had wondered if you were talking about Pit Viper when I saw this post a cople days ago! Apparently so ^w^ yeah, it's canon, gets confirmed in the second slate set.
🌻 l1llyst3m Follow
This makes me wonder. Why is everyone on this site talking about Seafowl saying he gives "egg vibes" when we have. An actual confirmed trans character. Right here.
Nothing against Seafowl but the only vibe he gives off to me is traumatized.
🏞 trouttail-prefers-bass Follow
He's your typical prettyboy cishet protagonist type and everyone is pissed off that he's a side character rather than ttdv's ✨️specialest boy✨️. So they're trying to make him special by claiming he gives off trans vibes when he clearly does not and is happy as a tom.
🌻 l1llyst3m Follow
#wait till op reads rattlesnake path
What do you mean by that-
#what do you MEAN by that— #im gonna need context #is this /pos or /neg #does something bad happen in rattlesnake path?? #help someone pls #through the desert vast #ttdv
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🔁 🥬 rxttencatmint reblogged
🥬 rxttencatmint
Im so fucking irritated... my mom wont let me read TTDV because it's "inApPrOpRiAtE." Which. Of course. Is because it has lgbtqia+ characters.
🥬 rxttencatmint
WONDEDFUL NEWS. MY MENTOR LET ME BORROW HIS COPY OF THE FIRST SET. AHHHHH!!!!! I GET TO READ IT!!
#YIPPEEEEE #òwó im so exCITED!!! #ive been wanting to read ttdv for a whileee #i love my mentor sm
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🪵 i-eat-moss Follow
My unpopular opinion (TTDV:RP SPOILERS INCOMING)
Keep reading
#ttdv:rp #ttdv #rattlesnake path spoilers #ttdv spoilers #ttdv:rp spoilers #nothing against pit viper!!! #i like her as a character #i just dont get why we got a whole book explaining her backstory
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🐚 hermitcrabfriend Follow
I LOOOOVE RATTLESNAKE PATH SO MUCH. IVE JUST GOTTEN TO READ IT AND IM SO EXCITED. OMG.
Not only is it a whole set dedicated to my favorite character !!! like a dream come true!!! It ALSO contains good intersex rep (Ball Python my beloved!!!). Over all just a FANTASTIC set in a fantastic series.
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🌱 dirtdigger-23 Follow
I'm... back?? I'M BACK ON CLANBLR!!!! WOOOHOOOOOOOOOOO
#i thought i'd never get back #stuck on Tumblr...
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🍽 the-post-maker
I hope y'all enjoyed this insight into what the cats do when they get fandom-y... and if you want to discuss TtDV further... well, there's a server for that ;) now back to your regular dash
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captain039 · 2 months ago
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PART 4 last part
Welcome to Eden
Old man Logan x reader
Warnings: AOB, age gap, mutant reader,
angst, hurt/comfort, swearing, Logan lives, mean Logan, mentions of suicide
Previous part <-
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It’s a few days before he wakes up. You’ve been mainly on the chair waiting for him to wake up. Going to toilet and food breaks. You’ve held his hand during the whole time taking the poison but by bit, it makes you sick, you’ve thrown up more than once and the doctors make you comfortable. You notice he looks heavier though, his face looks less pale and his wrinkles have lessened slightly, his hair looks healthier too. When he does wake up, you’re gripping his hand and standing by him while Laura stand by you. He grips your hand momentarily a frown on his face before his eyes open. He gasps loudly and you hush him gently as his eyes look to you. His eyes look brighter, not so dull and lifeless as they did before, he looks to Laura at your side too.
“What happened?” He asks sitting up. The bed moves with him and he frowns at it but sits back.
“You were outside four nights ago you fell to the ground, passed out” you explain and he nods running a hand down his face hand still holding yours.
“Sorry kid” he says to Laura who just nods and sits back in your chair. The old alpha raises his eyebrows at her but looks back to you.
“You look like shit” he says and you laugh at it shaking your head.
“Thanks” you scoff lightly smile still on your face.
“She didn’t leave your side” Laura says and you silently curse the little wolverine. The older wolverine frowns at you.
“I left to eat and go to the bathroom” you explain.
“You slept in that chair?” He asks gesturing the chair Laura was sitting on.
“It was comfortable” you shrug it was a fancy chair, it reclined back, had its own IV holders even though none were attached.
“Kinda looks it” Logan mutters.
“How do you feel?” You ask instead as he lets go of your hand as a few nurses walk on.
“Better” he nods looking to the nurses. Ones a beta and ones an omega, you’ve seen them before, Grace and Beth you’re pretty sure.
“How we feeling Mr Logan?” Beth asks a smile on her face. You frown at the omega woman though, she’s older than you late thirty’s, a nice body and kind smile, though the smile she’s giving right now sends your omega off like a dog barking. The old alpha notices he looks to you but you don’t acknowledge it as you stare at the nurse.
“I’m fine thank you, give me a minute with my omega” he says the words ‘my omega’ making your brain stop. The nurses leave with smiles and guide Laura out.
“You gonna bite her head off?” Logan chuckled and you feel yourself go red and look to the ground.
“Sorry” is all you managed hands clasped tightly in front of you. The suppressants you were given had warn off, his scent got stronger and suddenly the two omegas that were nurses that checked on him seemed like a threat. It bothered you seeing as they were only helping. You hear Logan chuckle though the sound making you frown and look to him as he holds his hand out for you. You take it lying your hand in his as he brings it to his face. He twists your arm gently his nose crazing your wrist as he scents you. The gesture drives you crazy, makes you gulp softly.
“Charles told me something about a connection between an alpha and omega, one stronger than most, a primal need to be by the other deeply lodged into their subconscious” he says moving your arm so its rests in his and you frown a bit.
“It’s heightened with the mutant gene too” he adds and you nod a bit wondering who Charles was.
“That’s what you’re feeling” he says his eyes darkening slightly his scent spiking, it makes your knees weak.
“When you first caught my scent in the car” he says.
“When I first caught scent of you in the car” he says voice husky.
“When you got shot, I went into some form of feral state, I couldn’t do anything since that damn serum ran off, but I would’ve liked to slice his head off, good thing the little one did it for me” he adds.
“When you passed out and the doctors took you I was still in that feral state, one thing on my mind was to get you to safety away from them even if they were helping you” he lets out a small growl and you clench his hand.
“When I met you in that garden and coughed I saw it in you too, the hazed over state” he says and you remember that all too well. When he snapped you out of it.
“You snapped me out of it though” you mumble.
“Because I was scared” he mutters and you frown eyes going to his.
“What do you mean?” You ask.
“My life isn’t heroic shit like the comics, it’s dark and full of death, I didn’t want you in that, didn’t want you near me I was going to get the kid to safety and shoot my self” you flinch at his words holding his hand tighter.
“That’s why I didn’t go with you, but I heard the cars and something snapped in my brain and my only thought was you” he says quietly eyes keeping your gaze.
“You’re mine omega” he says his eyes narrowing and your heart pounds in your chest. He tugs you to him and you go easily sitting down on the edge of the bed. He growls softly tugging you into his lap his strength surprising you. You sit a little awkwardly, sitting on him sideways like a kid, one hand around your waist the other over your legs holding your thigh.
“Look at me” he says and you do your arms on his shoulders.
“You’re mine” he repeats the words making you shudder and nod.
“I’m yours” you mutter as he leans up slightly. You see the uncertainty in his eyes various thoughts flicker so you press your lips to his a small rumble leaving his chest as his hand grips your thigh.
“And I’m yours” he mutters softly.
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musicfranchisetournament · 4 months ago
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propaganda under the cut !!
alien stage :
ive been a vivinos fan for a long time and trust me when i say getting a franchise with songs after years following was kinda insane to me. the moment my clematis dropped i went to sob and cry on my friends dm and spoilers its been the same thing w the most recent round. the characters have such a grip on me through everything we get to know about them through the comics vivinos posts and they're so darling you cant help but hope and cheer for them even if, in the universe, theyre insantly doomed by the narrative. the songs are always so nice and reflect so well on the characters and their mental states it makes me eat drywall sometimes. the artystyle from both artists improved so much since the beginning and its so nice to have been there through it. also, it's one of the few music franchises i can think of that aren't in japanese and i think it's cool to have non jp franchises there!
hypnosis mic :
hii my friend really likes uhhmmm doppo? yeahh and i thibk ramuda is very silly and fun and should be allowed to do anything he wants ever. idk anything else except like yhe lore is crazy and from what i understand/remember its like love nikki with music instead of styling. pretty sure daisuke hirose and ito ken are in this. could be wrong tho its 1am im not checking. 
Jyushi is there
kind of an ass franchise and i love it for it sooo much. with every passing day i learn something new about the hypmic lore that makes me tilt my head in confusion and question everything i knew about that franchise. daily. while not the biggest song franchise out there i feel hypmic and its fandom truly had some insane impact on idol fandoms through amazing moments such as the hypmic official merch underwear or how the autism creature came from a hypmic drawing. it has such an amazing balance between taking itself way too seriously and making some insane moments in story and then doing a complete 180 and deciding that yeah we can release a song about the two fuckers who live together rapping about cooking. its great. also the only franchise to have hit song Stella by Fling Posse.
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doodoodinklefart · 4 months ago
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okAYYYY so ive been planning this au for literally forever and i couldnt get white diamond satoru and black sapphire suguru out of my head... ive seen a couple other hnk x jjk aus floating around but i wanted to take a crack at it!! i'll just explain these three + the setting for now cuz theres a bunch of other shit brewing in my head LOLOL honestly hnk and jjk are pretty different themes-wise i feel so i couldnt rlly help changing a lot abt the world LMAO
in this au its not just a couple gems in the school, there's a bit more of a society and structure outside of it. there are still the three major "clans" though maybe more like major cliffs?? lol?? that the gems are formed in that produce a much higher frequency of strong, high quality gems. i imagine that before the idea of working together (modern jujutsu society) had come about, gems fought to have control of these spots to assure that they would have those to protect them from lunarians (aka curses we're playing a bit fast and loose here). while there were many attempts to merge the clans, the fighting was more a waste of time if anything, so they stayed separate. jujutsu high in this au would probably just be the school, a set of gems that are trained to always be ready to dispatch lunarians and protect tengen (who is the prayer machine here), who has basically been dormant.
and THATS where we get to white diamond. i wanna say while diamonds are p common irl, its rare here for there to be a fully formed diamond lustrous that actually has inclusions. while there have been extremely strong lustrous born from the gojo cliff, white diamond is the first diamond in several centuries, filling a vacancy after others had been taken away to the moon. not only that, he's got special eyes too!! im thinking he can see sunspots from far away, or maybe can tell artificial gems from real ones, like being able to see their inclusions or something. probably both!! either way he has to wear special blackout glasses during the day. his eyes are really reflective so he can work at night too, but that often leaves him restless.
white diamond—in his mind at least—is untouchable, and really it may as well be true. due to the combat training that he's gone through and his hardness of 10, he has never sustained so much as a scratch. he had a tendency to break all of his sparring partners back home, and thus he feels he's hit a brick wall with his training, and that the only things that will come close to putting up a challenge are likely lunarians. he doesn't really care much for weaker gems at this point, and is eager to finally fight lunarians for once. eventually, he is sent off to the school to begin what he would call "actually worthwhile" training.
black sapphire, on the other hand, was born practically from nowhere, in a unremarkable place with little more than himself and a few other older gems that were around to help shape him. with a hardness of 9, he was the strongest among them and—after his first dangerous encounter with lunarians—he realized he had an obligation to protect the rest of them. his strength often leaves him feelings alienated, as he normally ends up working alone for fear of other being taken away. i wanna figure out how to incorporate his ct better but for now ill just keep thinking about it. for now, it was probably his strength that got his scouted and sent to the school.
boulder opal, or just opal, is in training as a doctor at the school, and shows extreme promise. her lax attitude reveals none of her medical prowess, especially when it comes to gems with missing pieces. she has a particularly good eye for finding missing shards, or finding pieces that she can replace missing shards with. there's nothing she can do if their inclusions reject the replacement, however. maybe she has a way of resonating with the other's inclusions to speed healing up on bigger points of damage?? idk ill figure it out
ANYWAYYY this is getting super long so i'll end this shortly BUT!!! basically, white diamond, with black sapphire (who he calls saph), and opal are all training under yaga sensei (idk what kind of gem he would be yet LOL). diamond, at first, sees opal and saph as weak, but quickly realizes they have their own feats. saph in particular is the first lustrous that has ever made sparring fun, because while he's less durable his combat skills make up for it tenfold. maybe black sapphire is the first to ever leave a break on white diamond who knows... opal is probably always having to put the two back together. theyve never lost to a lunarian before, and have certainly never come close to being taken to the moon. these two are the strongest together, and each finally feel like they have a place to belong.
alsooo..... they do get a mission to escort a "star plasma vessel" of sorts. tengen slowly erodes over the years and needs a compatible lustrous to replace their missing pieces. boleite (riko) happens to be that gem, and diamond and saph need to escort her.... lmaoaoao now i have to design riko, toji and kuroi...
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brostateexam · 7 months ago
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Have not been saying much for a while because everything is hard.
I. My BiL has had c diff three times now and after the third time the oncologist decided to take a damn the torpedoes approach because they were wasting weeks that should have been devoted to chemo because he was too sick and too weak to withstand outpatient treatment. I haven't seen him irl since December but my mom says he looks rough and if his immune system is so messed up that he keeps getting c diff idk that I really want to visit him. What if I get him sick?
All of this is background to me, though, because mostly I'm invested in my sister. She wants to divorce him. He needs to be better enough that she won't face ostracization for doing so. I am invested in him getting better enough for that to proceed for her sake.
II. Something about my relationship with my mom has been bothering me and I finally figured out what it is: everything is equally important to her. She doesn't prioritize anything. If I am having a tough time and ask for help she'll say "well I'm busy every day this week but I can come over next week in Thursday for ninety minutes" and then when she comes over I ask her what she was up to, both to make conversation and because I'm nosy, and it's like... she volunteered for a clothing drive at the synagogue. She went grocery shopping. She went to a farmer's market. Thanks for fitting me into your schedule, I guess! Glad to know I am on the same level as farm fresh tomatoes.
III. I have been having a really tough time of it for the last few months. The vacation in Mexico was... Not restful. Shane had a seizure on the plane and I spent the first two days managing logistics related to that (and navigating the extra ~$2k I spent covering his medical costs while on the trip). His back is still fucked up almost two months later and so I get to do extra housework and chores because he can't lift or bend without being in pain.
IV. Resultant to III, I had a really awful period of about a month with an online friend who started being super short and terse with me because I've been around online less. It was really clear he felt like I was ditching him to go hang out with my cool friends or something, instead of the reality of the situation: I'm cleaning litter boxes and doing yard work and changing the sheets on the bed aka #livingthedream. I told him about all the stuff that was going on but it was clear he didn't believe me or resented my absence nevertheless. This came to a head with me basically texting him an essay about why he was being a bad friend. In a turn of good news, he listened, and apologized, and we mended fences. That was nice because I just don't know how much more bad news I can take right now.
V. I've been struggling with work but really it's just. My boss. My coworkers like me. My project sponsors like me. My skip level likes me. My exec likes me. It's just him. We don't have a good relationship and I don't know how to fix it. I don't know that it is fixable. This is a problem because this is the guy I need in my corner to advance my career and I don't know that he'll do that for me. The alternative is leaving my company, which sounds attractive on paper but in practice the job market is so so bad and it's just so discouraging. The idea of a new job sounds incredible. I wish I could do that. Maybe even a career change.
VI. Unfortunately, that's not gonna happen because of financial pressures. NGL, as much as I like my house (and I do -- I love its little windows, I love my pink dining nook and green bedroom, I love the mature fruit trees and pretty backyard full of wildflowers), I wish i had the cash in hand, instead. I feel trapped here, and like I'm making the most of it. That's a shit feeling to have.
VII. I've started regaining weight. Not a lot. Fifteen pounds since October. But it's scaring me. It's making me wonder if this whole surgery thing was pointless because I can't seem to stop myself from wanting to eat myself to death. So I'm trying to beat it back without resorting to "diet culture behaviors" (read: disordered eating) and that's tough.
There could be a separate post for things that are going well perhaps, but this is what's going not so well and it feels like a lot. Sometimes it feels like too much.
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