#this is some 90s ass hilarity

[pwhl-mybeloved]

alexa play valerie 🎶

[lavenoon]

I have nonstop been thinking about the newest chapter of AU for a few hours and now its officially Brain Rot hours (1 am).

Sun and Moon getting transferred because of a promotion to get more money to help out their brother is something I absolutely love! The boys having to move out and Robin learns of their identities is just icing on the cake.

But I raise you this: Instead of a young couple moving in, its Eclipse.

Eclipse had been wanting to pay a visit to his brothers after being away for so long that he begged for a transfer to their building that he got under the condition of doing a big secret project along with being unable to transfer back for a few months.

Sun and Moon are unaware that Eclipse has been transferred and Eclipse is unaware of the two's promotion.

Eclipse is sad to not see his brothers and struggling to find a place to live only to see Robin's listing for a tenant/resident (idk how it works/what it's called).

Robin is shocked to see another celestial animatronic but doesn't turn them away. Maybe Eclipse mentions his failing battery and that this place is his best bet at safe traveling to and from work; not to mention that because of the battery his work hours constantly change. Robin agrees because maybe this will help them overcome their sadness of the boys (it doesn't but hey new friend maybe).

A week later Robin is at work and catches on to whispers of a new lab guy and decides to visit the sector to see how good this new tech is (maybe they can get an upgrade they couldn't do themselves) only to see Eclipse making another explosion of a prototype.

Eclipse is so proud of their little explosion writing down his findings only to see Robin and introduces himself as Eclipse then remembers "Wait its Horizon".

Robin is a deer in headlights like "what do I do, this guy is my neighbor". They talk a bit with them to see how different he is only to see that Eclipse is just the same, if just a tad bit more explosive.

Maybe they talk and one night they both walk home late from work together (Robin revealed they were neighbors and Eclipse is just so happy to have a genuine friend) and it's a good thing too since Eclipse has a crash in front of them and Robin panics. Give it a few minutes and Eclipse is back online and explains that that is what he meant by safer route home.

Robin makes it a point from now on to keep an eye out for Eclipse when out to make sure he gets home safe. Maybe they hangout a lot more during the day so Eclipse can go explore the city more once they find out what's happening.

Sun and Moon don't learn about Eclipse moving/transferring until they try to contact him about his battery upgrade only for him to gush about his new neighbor and how great of a friend they are (whether he reveals its Robin along with their identity or not is up for debate. Honestly if he hasn't revealed who his brothers are to Robin yet would be a miracle)

At this point my brain has died from needing sleep since its now 2 am and I am 90% sure none of this makes sense.

Sorry for the long rambles in your inbox.

Hope you have a wonderful day/night dear! Take Care!

This is amazing and while it wouldn't quite work in canon, I'm eating this up!

Just. Oh my god. The higher ups finally got their asses into gear to prevent the identity leak of three agents living next to each other, trick two into transferring, and then their brother moves into their vacated home? The absolute irony. The hilarity. HQ is just twitching at this point.

A reveal with Eclipse that early on would go over a lot smoother - mostly because Eclipse just makes any secrecy impossible from the start. He recognizes his landlord, sees they recognize him, and just goes "Hey! Well that's a funny coincidence! :D" while Robin is caught between dynamics - currently they're the star agent, but in front of them is their giant golden retriever of a neighbor and it's just.

It's a lot.

But they're kind of used to "a lot" by now. Click the door shut for some privacy, and make sure they're alone, before just heaving the deepest sigh and asking "Let me guess, you have two brothers?"

"Oh, yes! I actually came to see them, but I haven't caught them yet."

And Robin kind of... They feel for him. They don't know much about him, but he got left behind (unbeknownst to Sun and Moon) just like they did. The communication between the three of them seems to be lacking, and that pisses them off, too.

Protective Robin, activate.

It distracts them from their own pain, too.

So they're still angry at their boys - but they just mentally adopted another, and boy did that go fast. Despite everything, befriending Sun and Moon lowered their walls, and if Eclipse comes in soon enough after the transfer, they haven't built them up again yet.

Gently (as gentle as they can be) they explain. The two transferred - got a promotion, and everything else. Eclipse listens, not quite sure what to make of it all, and just lets their name slip -

Robin immediately winces and shushes him - "Call me Robin when we're at work" "Wait, you're Robin?" "What do you mean, I'm Robin?"

Cue more realizations, when it clicks for Eclipse just how stupid his brothers were - he's a little nicer to his newest friend, who seems pretty angry at them themself, and doesn't ask why they didn't notice for over half a year

(*Sun and Moon worked there for a few months before moving in with Y/N - they had a temporary accommodation, and rose the ranks to already establish a rivalry with Robin before Sun every visited the place)

It gets even funnier should Sun/ Moon come back - the absolute terror of asking Eclipse for his new address ("When did you transfer??" "You didn't tell me about yours, why should I tell you about mine?") and getting their old one in return.

And then there's Y/N, somehow in the know about their messed up little family, bristling and ranting at them for not even telling their brother they're transferring - there's not even any need for secrecy, they're all three agents!

Wait.

They know that, too?

"Oh yes, Robin helps me out in the lab sometimes during slow days!"

"Well. I sit there with the fire extinguisher and we talk."

"That's more than the others do."

And Sun (bc it's probably him) just stands there, staring blankly, internally screaming loud enough to wake up Moon, who is VERY confused and then sees the situation at hand - and oop, now he's screaming too.

They got a lot to apologize for, now - and it's very awkward to suddenly have your brother and former crush rival/neighbor be besties and getting chewed out by the latter while the former stands behind them with the smuggest grin because, well... He didn't leave them. Will have to, at some point, yes, but not suddenly and not in a "leaving you behind" way, and there's no secrets anymore so they can just keep in touch.

There's still a happy end for them all, with Eclipse speeding that along, too, because he just keeps nagging Sun and Moon about "You're treating them right, yes? You're not being idiots again?" "No, Eclipse, we're being nice and we still apologize every day. Pretty sure they're sick of it by now, actually" "Do it again just to make sure"

In parallel, Y/N is texting Eclipse to "STOP TELLING YOUR BROTHERS TO BE SO APOLOGETIC IT'S WEIRDING ME OUT IF THEY KEEP LOOKING LIKE KICKED PUPPIES I WILL HAVE TO KICK THEM AT SOME POINT" "Glad to be of service (:" "If you want to be of service, send me one of those modified smoke bombs you made. I'm feeling vengeful." "Done!"

So it's a little awkward, and there's still some bitterness to address, (and also some realizations about the true nature of the promotion), but they'll all be okay <3

[sharpestasp]

Music Meme

List five artists that you listen to multiple albums on. Feel free to expound on any of them.

1. Corey Hart - Most of you are likely only aware of "Sunglasses at Night" though some might remember "Never Surrender".

For me, I listen to his first seven albums damn near on repeat for mental and emotional health. A Canadian Singer-Songwriter, honored a few times in the Canadian music industry, Corey Hart is that strange mix of eclectic phrasings, good music, and different point of view that got me through much of the 90s. I'd been aware of him from his second album in real time, so from the 80s, but actually tracking down all of his then-produced albums and staying on top of it was a balm on my mind.

Is he an amazing songwriter? No. But he's comforting to me, and that's what I needed.

~ Oddball fact - when I bought Celine Dion's Let's Talk About Love, I listened to it BEFORE I read the liner notes. And ID'd BOTH songs Corey Hart had written for the album, without even knowing he'd contributed. ("Miles To Go" and "Where is the Love")

2. Queensryche - So when I was a kid, I hung out at a roller rink ran by metal-heads who may or may not have been hippies at some point, and definitely weren't managing any illegal activities. I was actually unnerved the first time I went to a rink that was A) brightly if gaudily lit and B) playing pop music, because MY roller rink was my formative experience. And they introduced me to Queensryche LONG before "Silent Lucidity" put them in the mainstream, and before my fiancé raved about Operation: MINDCRIME to me.

I came into their works on their second full length album, acquired it and the demo album and the first full-length album, and was always happy to see them on Headbanger's Ball. I still listen to over half their discography, and sometimes just put it on repeat. Even with the split in the band, I will listen to the new albums, and sometimes they still light my heart on fire.

~ Oddball fact - I have seen the band play in three different venue styles. My first was in an Arena (The Promised Land Tour), the second was in a House of Blues where I was damn near at the stage (Operation: Mindcrime II Tour), and in a small theater style (American Soldier Tour). I will say they have the range to adapt to their environment.

3. Nickelback - Another Canadian entry! Like most Americans, it was the Silver Side Up album that hooked me. I actually am not overly fond of the albums prior to it, but I have liked most of the ones after. I know people meme-hate on them as being bland or auto-tuned or too commercial, but guess what? I can fucking sing along with them and enjoy the lyrics. The love songs hit me in my guts. The rockboy badass songs make me smile. Even some of the more sexist sounding ones leave me going 'the woman is coming out on top here'. And well, "Never Again" as well as "Lullaby" just own my soul.

~ Oddball fact - My buddy's band back in NC did a lot of covers. R, who was the singer, flat out said he was never going to keep up with "Animal" and that's okay, because the crowd usually took over. And then we all did jaegerbombs to celebrate the hilarity of it. Second fun fact, my buddy usually passed all the extra bombs my way, knowing (back then) I had a higher constitution for them than R did.

4. Enigma - The first three albums. Loop them, put them on softly, and use them to sleep by or calm my ass down. Not really much else to day on this, because these are ones where the human voice is literally just an instrument in the music for me. I don't sing along, even when I can make out the lyrics, because it is most effective as a whole for me.

~ Oddball fact - when I had it on cassette to listen to, I was usually out like a light by the time the first album hit "Callas Went Away".

5. Sarah McLachlan - OH LOOK another Canadian has appeared. I entered into awareness of her with Fumbling Towards Ecstasy, found her previous albums, and check in on her every now and then when I need a vocalist I love. She has a similar handle on lyrics to Corey Hart -- sometimes it seems like those words should not fit to music and yet. I find myself moved to tears on many tracks, and find the resonance of her voice in just right for me.

~ Oddball fact - I think the first time I saw her on television was Macy's Parade, and it was the song she did for Charlotte's Web, long after I'd begun stalking her music.

Feel free to take the idea and run with it. I might find new music from all of your tastes!

[themovieblogonline]

Movie Review: Ghosted Has A Tone Problem Despite Its Two Charming Leads

Ghosted is the newest Apple TV+ original film with two of the biggest actors working today. The action rom-com stars Chris Evans and Anna de Armas in a subversion of the usual action-comedy tropes. As Evan’s character plays the damsel in distress to de Armas’ slick spy, the movie has great moments between them but ultimately doesn’t work. As I’ll point out in this Ghosted movie review, the story doesn’t live up to the charisma of its leading actors. Ghosted Movie Review Is Spoiler-Free Ghosted is essentially a flipping script of the typical action comedy. The movie reminds us of other films like the Tom Cruise-Cameron Diaz starring Knight And Day where a meet-cute between two leads ends in hilarity. The man turns out to be a secret spy, and the woman gets caught up in his outrageous and dangerous adventures. This time around, it’s Chris Evan’s character, who is the bumbling and helpless one, while Anna De Armas’ character is this extremely capable bad-ass spy. After the two meet at a farmer’s market, a brief but whirlwind romance ensues. But when she seemingly doesn’t respond to his messages, he feels like she’s ignoring him. As a romantic gesture, he ends up following her to London, through a tracking device, which is another issue I’ll discuss later on. But as he catches up to her, some baddies mistake him for her, because, sexism? And so he then becomes an unwitting participant in her dangerous spy mission. The Ghosted movie review will focus on how the story really goes downhill from there. The Good Parts Of This Ghosted Movie Review Let’s talk about what works in Ghosted. Firstly, Evans and de Armas have previously worked together in Knives Out and The Gray Man, although never romantically. So it makes sense for them to finally be cast opposite each other as love interests. And for the most part, it works. The two share incredible chemistry with one another. The initial scenes of them meeting, arguing, and eventually getting together are charming, sweet and engaging. Even throughout the film, both leads are putting in great performances, despite other issues with the story. De Armas is incredible and handles the action sequences as capably as the comedy. Evans has already established his comedy chops in other films during his career. But this is one of his rare out-and-out comedy roles. Evans plays the subverted damsel in distress character, but without patronizing or condescending the character archetype as others have played it. I was also worried that he would play the character  in a feminine way, or maybe it was written that way, given the stereotype. But Evans is able to keep it funny and believable, while still being a guy. And let’s be honest, most guys in this situation would probably react in this manner; out of their depth and freaked out! Why Ghosted Doesn’t Entirely Work Ghosted relies entirely on the shoulders of its more than capable leads Evans and de Armas. But despite these highly talented actors, they aren’t complimented with a story as strong. Ghosted’s story feels dated. It’s like something you would see from the 90s or early 2000s. First of all, the premise takes a lot of suspension of disbelief to get around. Evan’s character puts GPS trackers on all his items, and he accidentally leaves something with de Armas’ character during their romance. Which is how he is able to track her down to London. Where he shows up, after knowing and meeting her only once. It’s a pretty unbelievable plot point, which feels very creepy and stalkerish. But it happens so early in the story that you have to accept it and move on, otherwise, the rest of the story doesn’t work. And for the most part, it doesn’t. Ghosted also has a tone problem. The movie bounces back and forth from a very silly and goofy comedy to a very serious drama. And sometimes, that happens in the same scene. For example, a lie-detector interrogation scene, meant to reveal some truths about the characters, to one other. But, while the two leads are dropping brutal truth bombs and the atmosphere is getting very tense, there’s another character in the scene who is in a different movie entirely, cracking jokes in between them. And while everyone performed well, it’s a scene that feels disconnected, within itself. Too. Many Cameos. Another thing that doesn’t work about Ghosted is the crazy amount of cameos. The film shoves in all these big-name stars in brief roles which fall flat. The Captain America: Civil War trio of Evans, Sebastian Stan and Anthony Mackie unite in one scene, but it’s more baffling and mediocre than surprising or exciting. It genuinely doesn’t even have any impact on the story or overall enjoyment of the movie. Near the end, there’s a Ryan Reynolds cameo that is just confusing and unintelligible. It felt like they relied on the shock and awe of big names, rather than develop the story and script further. Ghosted Is Charming If You Can Get Past Its Story https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IAdCsNtEuBU Ultimately, the conclusion of this Ghosted movie review is that the movie doesn’t really work as an action romantic comedy in 2023. But if you’re looking for a mindless comedy where logic and the decisions of the characters make no sense, then it might be for you. Evans and de Armas definitely deserved a lot more, like a stronger story to support their serviceable performances. Ghosted is now streaming on Apple TV+. Read the full article

[andy-clutterbuck]

This Life | 1x02

[thevindicativevordan]

What are your thoughts on Lobo?

Seems to have become for Superman what Deathstroke is for Batman, and I'm ok with that. Unlike the Deathstroke/Batman enmity, which is entirely based on wanting to see two badasses fight and takes away from the actually good Deathstroke/Nightwing feud, there's some value to the Lobo/Superman rivalry.

Lobo's a gleeful piss take on the 80s and 90s "grim and gritty" trend, but he also has plenty of fans of that exact trend, who miss that he's supposed to be a lampoon of what they like. Much like Venom however, a cool design and the ability to kick ass means he's never going to be hurting for fans, and his background does make for entertaining interactions. Lobo is the Last Son of Czarnia, but unlike Clark or J'onn or any of the other survivors of genocides, Lobo harbors no trauma whatsoever over being the last of his kind. Mainly of course because Lobo was the one who killed off the rest of his kind. After accomplishing this heinous "feat", he became a bounty hunter who spends his time killing and fucking his way across the cosmos. Add on that he's utterly flippant about the carnage he leaves behind in his wake, powerful enough to go toe to toe with Big Blue himself, and possess a bizarre code of honor that requires him to keep his promises (albeit he will exploit loopholes in agreements if it's in his own self-interest), and you have a character who makes for an excellent foil to Superman. The two are so unalike in every way despite their shared status that the interactions between them usually always result in hilarity.

As a foil, Lobo works best when he can bring out the worst in Superman, and inversely Superman can bring out the worst or best in Lobo. Alongside Lex, Manchester Black, and a few others, Lobo is one of the people Superman actually hates. Every time he crosses paths with this guy you should practically hear Clark grinding his teeth to dust. Lobo just aggravates him, deliberately so, in a way few other people can accomplish, and it means he's short-tempered and ready to exchange blows at the slightest provocation - much to Lobo's delight as he enjoys picking away at Superman's holier than thou attitude and clean cut image. Meanwhile I think around Superman we should see either a more villainous or heroic side to Lobo. Either make it so that being around Superman causes Lobo to act out even worse than he normally does, all to spite the big bastich of course, or have it so that Lobo tries to one up Superman in heroism in an effort to show he could be an even better hero than Supes if he wanted to. Which he doesn't, but he totally could be if that was something he wanted.

I like villains who enable writers and readers to see different sides of Superman we don't normally get to see, and the Main Man in the right hands is someone who can do just that. Fun character all around and a great Rogue to have in Superman's Rogues Gallery.

[tineechi]

Kono Oto Tomare! Chapter 106 English Summary

Raw: https://manga1001.com/%e3%80%90%e7%ac%ac106%e8%a9%b1%e3%80%91%e3%81%93%e3%81%ae%e9%9f%b3%e3%81%a8%e3%81%be%e3%82%8c-raw/

I’m making a raw translation because I am so excited but again, I am not a native speaker and may have tons of wrong things to say. So, take this with a grain of salt. :p Also, it is not a complete translation.

The chapter is entitled LOVE (with the Kanji for Love, which is also how Chika’s name is spelled). The line “All I needed was a bit of kindness” is written on the cover with Satowa giving a piece of strawberry cake to Chika.

It starts off with Atsumu and Momoya running together to where Chika is. Tetsuki sent the location via chat. This is a bit sad but Atsumu asks Momoya to show him the map because over many years of being bullied and chased after, he knows a lot of shortcuts and ways around this place.

Momoya says that he talked with his older brother on the phone and he said that he just wants to get Kudou back. Momoya continues on to say things about his older brother. His older brother is smart and how people don’t notice something because he looks excellent on the outside. On Momoya’s mind though, he thinks that “No, I was just pretending not to notice... the reason why you reached out to the son of your father’s mistress, why you contacted me regularly...”.

Momoya then remembers sitting on a swing with Uzuki and Uzuki saying things like “sometimes I think of destroying everything but everything is a hassle afterwards” and “I don’t even know myself when I’m in the middle of lies all the time”. Momoya then thinks that it has been Uzuki’s call for help (SOS) that has been going on for a long time. But at that time, Momoya chose not to get too deeply involved with his issues. Then he verbally tells Atsumu that this is the result of just continuing to look (not getting involved).

Atsumu pulls him to the right way and says that he noticed Uzuki’s situation now. It’ll be okay and they’ll make it in time. Awwww. These two!!! <3

The scene changes to Satowa and Chika and the thugs. Chika is surprised and tries to ask why she is here. Satowa shouts “Shut up Stupid (baka) Chika” hahaha.

She continues to scold him because he keeps choosing to do things on his own. Chika tries to explain that it wasn’t really like that but Satowa cuts him off with “I’ll tell you. I don’t want to be someone who is only protected behind you!” <3 Gaaah. Queen Satowa. Chika is left speechless! (I would too tbh)

The evil gang leader (forgot his name) interrupts and says things like he was surprised that a woman came to help Chika, etc. and continues to threaten them. He also keeps on calling Satowa “ojou-chan”, which is a way to call someone a “young miss” (from privileged families) and asks Satowa if she really understands the situation here. A goon comes a bit closer and Satowa kneels in front to Chika to cover him. Chika tries to pull Satowa’s arms and tells her “stupid, stop this” but Satowa turns around and hugs Chika.

THIS IS EPIC. Satowa said that if they want to hit, go ahead and hit her (while she’s hugging/protecting Chika). That is if they want to be caught by the police. She also says that they planned to make the Meiryo students their shields (pretending that Chika attacked the Meiryo student), but this will be the end of your stupid/dirty plan (if they hit her, she can just say the truth that they attacked her first). Some goons hesitate a bit but the stupid gang leader continues being stupid. 

Uzuki interrupts and asks “Why?” and “Who are you to Chika?” Uzuki continues saying that he has checked/investigated all the people around Chika and says that she’s not his girlfriend (NOT YET BUT SOON! HAHAHAHA). Uzuki continues with “You’re just in the same class and club” and “You’re certainly the young daughter of the clan head (Houzuki clan) and you’re on the opposite world from Chika”.

He asks why she is willing to do this much. He says that after this, she might regret this for the rest of her life. Chika tries to interrupt by calling her name but Uzuki keeps saying “you don’t need to go that far..”

Then Satowa hugs Chika tighter and Chika is left speechless again. Satowa says “Because I like you.” She then shouts out “About Kudou... I like you VERY much!” while hugging him and crying. T_T Chika is SUPER surprised. Hahaha.

Satowa continues to say, “so I don’t want you to get hurt, I want to definitely protect you, I want to cherish you, I want you to laugh always and I want you to always be happy”. GAAAAH! <3

Then she shouts (probably for Uzuki to hear), “Is that wrong/bad?! Do you have a problem with that?!” (Uzuki is also stunned) Then, back to Chika she says “so, I won’t let go forever” (Satowa uses the 絶対 zettai- forever/always word here again) and “I won’t leave/ won’t let go”. My heart promptly exploded here. <3

Then Chika remembers his grandfather in the hospital (after the attack on the Koto shop) saying that he has one wish/request for Chika. Gramps said that he wants Chika to be happy.

Gramps said that he already told Chika before but he should use his hands to protect things/people important to him. Use them to catch/get things that make him happy. Gramps said that Chika can understand it. Even though he might not be good at studying (hahaha. the shade!), Chika’s not stupid. But Chika (with his personality) might sometimes treat himself roughly, or give up on himself or cut himself off from others. For now on, Chika will have moments when he has to make various choices. When that time comes, don’t hesitate. Choose the path that will make you happy. That is something only you can do. No matter how much someone reaches out or pushes your back (supports you), whether or not you step forward, only you can decide if you grab that hand. (The scene is Chika’s hand starting to move around Satowa’s back) Then, with Gramps smiling face, he says “Be happy Chika”. (Gramps is the best. T_T)

Then the full panel of Chika hugging (reaching out to) Satowa back tightly. <3 

Uzuki is surprised and pulls the pipe from the leader’s hand. He is going to hit them with a pipe and Chika starts to react but DADDY Tetsuki comes to the rescue. He stops the pipe bare-handedly and throws Uzuki back. Everyone from the Koto club arrives and Hiro-senpai jumps at Satowa to hug her too! Hahaha. Hilarity ensues a bit because everyone is here.

Tetsuki asks the goons if they are not embarrassed because Chika is alone and there are 7 of them. 

Then, DADDY TETSUKI looks at Uzuki (with that cool-ass handsome face of his) and says “Anyway, that’s it Uzuki...” (In Japanese, the line is ここまでだ koko made da Uzuki, so kind of like... This is it/or this is where it ends/this is as far I'll let you go, you get the meaning I think! Hahaha)

I LOVE THESE PEOPLE SO MUCH! hahaha. I’m so happy for Satowa and Chika (Although I initially thought that Chika would confess first but Amyuu-sensei made the best confession scene.) I can’t wait for the sweet shyness that’ll probably come after this though. Just imagining Chika and Satowa being shy and awkward is making me so happy inside. Hahaha. Although, we would have to wait for December for the next chapter I think. Gaaaah! 

[blackfemmecharacterdependency]

Patti Labelle: Filmography

With Commentary by Nesha

IMDB Filmography

Patti made a lot of hits in the era of music videos, so this isn’t for those, since she’s a singer by trade and that list would be a lot for me. I loved her music in the 80s/90s. But, this is for some of the roles that I know of. I didn’t include her TV movies either, but they exist.

A Soldier’s Story, 1984: Big Mary

A Different World, 1990 - 1993: Adele Wayne  Yes. If you didn’t know, Patti was a Black TV mama in the 90s of a main character on one of the Blackest and best shows ever, 

Out All Night, 1992-1993: Chelsea Paige... THIS SHOW WAS ONE OF MY FAVORITE SHORT LIVED SHOWS. Patti Labelle was the owner of this bar/nightclub and I believe a former singer, or some type of famous lady who now out this night spot. This was the first thing that I can remember seeing both Vivica and Duane in (I think I’d already seen Morris in Boyz N The Hood), but one or both of them worked at the spot and Vivica was Chelsie’s fun loving daughter, who I very vividly remember proclaiming, “Excuse for a partay!” God, I loved this show. And that was when folk used to put they foot in a theme song and get this... PATTI SUNG THE THEME SONG. Ugh. We had some gems and they would not let us be great. This show shoulda had at least 3 seasons. AT LEAST.

Idlewild, 2006: The Real Angel Davenport 

American Horror Story: Freakshow, 2017: Dora Brown I. Don’t. Know. How. Ryan Murphy projects be getting all these dope ass Black women to come through there, but despite my relationship with his shit, Patti was up in there and it is a popular franchise, so I’m mentioning it.

Daytime Divas, 2017: 

Gloria Tomas ANOTHER show I loved that was great and deserved more time. Vanessa L. Williams having her own daytime panel and them guest starring hella folk on their amidst drama and hilarity? We can’t have nice things.

Greenleaf, 2018: Maxine Patterson - I can’t lie to you, I don’t watch this show. I don’t think I got passed the pilot, and I feel like I went back a few times to try, but I couldn’t get into it. I had enough church drama in my many years in church, I guess. But, I do know that it’s a Black show and they have some talent up on there.

Star, 2019: Christine Brown - My last comments... goes double, maybe triple for this show. But, shoutout to the cast and guests. I wasn’t finna sit through no more of Lee Daniels’ terrorism at the time it came out and don’t know if I’ll ever circle back to it.

[davidmann95]

How about those JL storyboards?

In case you haven’t heard, Zack Snyder is putting on display the ‘storyboards’ - i.e. a rough plot summary accompanied by some Jim Lee sketches - for what would have been Justice League 2 and 3, or as this puts it 2 and ‘2A’. You can see them here (I imagine better-quality versions will soon be released), and read a transcript here. This is evidently a very early version: this was apparently pitched prior to the release of BvS and Justice League being rewritten in the wake of it, with numerous plot details that now don’t line up with what we know about the Snyder Cut, plus it outright mentions it builds on the originally planned versions of the Batman and Flash movies. But it’s a broad outline of what was gonna go down, and while I initially thought it was Snyder throwing in the towel, the timing - paired with the ambiguity left by the necessity for changes, including that this doesn’t factor whatever that “massive cliffhanger” at the end of the Cut is - says to me he’s hoping this’ll be a force multiplier behind efforts to will sequel/s into existence. He’s probably right.

I’ll be discussing spoilers below, but in short: with this Zack Snyder has finally lived up to Alan Moore, in that like Twilight of the Superheroes I wouldn’t believe this was real as opposed to a shockingly on-point parody if not for direct, irrefutable evidence.

Doing some rapid-fire bullet points for this baby to kick us off:

* Folks who know the subject say a lot of this is a yet further continuation of Snyder doing Arthuriana fanfic with the League reskinned over those major players, and I’ll take their word for it.

* I don’t know whether I love or hate that in Justice League 2 the Justice League are only an extant thing for the first scene, and then it’s Snyder giving everybody their own mini-movies. It’s compressing the entire MCU “loosely interconnected solo stories leading to a single big movie later” strategy into a single movie!

*  Funniest line in the whole thing: "Even Lantern has heard of the Kryptonian, worried that he's under the control of Darkseid. He heard his spirit was unbreakable." Hal what fuckin' Superman movie did YOU watch? Second funniest being “IT WILL GIVE HIM POWER OVER ALL LIVING LIFE”

* 90% of the plot I have nothing to say about, it’s generic stage-setting crap. That to be clear is the ‘shocked it’s Snyder’ element, it feels so crassly commercial in a way I can’t believe is coming from the BvS guy.

* Most of what I have to say is unsurprisingly gonna be about a handful of characters but Cyborg’s happy ending being “he isn’t visibly disabled anymore!” is not great!

* The Goddess of War battle with Superman...never pays off? No clue why it’s there.

* What I’d originally heard was that the Codex in Superman’s blood was the last key to the Anti-Life Equation and that’s why Darkseid was coming to Earth. It’s not like all of this wouldn’t have already been averted by Kal-El’s pod smacking into an asteroid on the way to Earth so it’s not as if this makes it any more Superman’s fault, and it would have at least tied all this back to the beginning of the movies, but I suppose that was either fake or from a later draft.

* I have NO idea how this was reimagined without the ‘love triangle’, it’s the central character thing and the entire climax flows directly out of it!

* Darkseid’s kinda a chump in this, huh

Anonymous said: So: Does Zack Snyder hate Superman?

Look: the hilarity of this when Cuck Kent has been a go-to Snyder cult insult towards ‘inferior’ takes on Superman for years cannot be understated, yet at the same time I can almost wrap my brain around where Snyder’s coming from with that as the end for his take on the character. He talked in that Variety piece on how his interest in Superman is informed by having adopted children himself, and Deborah Snyder is the stepmother to his kids by previous relationships, so I can see where he’d be coming from, and I can even imagine how he’d see this as ‘rhyming’ in the sense of “the series begins with Kal-El being adopted by Earth, it ends with him adopting a child of Earth!” In the same way as MARTHA, I can envision how he would put these pieces together in his head thematically without registering or caring what the end result would actually look like. In this case, Superman raising the kid of the man who beat the shit out of him who Batman had with Clark’s wife, who earlier told Bruce she was staying with Clark because he ‘needed her’, suggesting if inadvertently that this really honest to god was a “she’s only staying with Superman out of pity, she really loved Batman more” thing.

But Clark is nothing in this. He’s sad and existential because of coming back from the dead I guess, then he’s corrupted, then time’s undone and he woo-rah rallies the collective armies of the world (interesting angle for the ‘anti-military/anti-establishment’ Superman he’s talked up as) as his big heroic moment in the finale, and then he stops being sad because he’s adopting a kid. So his big much-ballyhooed, extremely necessary five-movie character arc towards truly becoming Superman was:

Sad weird kid -> sad weird kid learns he’s an alien, is still weird and sad, maybe he shouldn’t save people because things could go really wrong? -> his dad is so convinced it could go wrong he lets himself die -> ????? -> Clark is saving people anyway -> learns his origin, gets an inspiring speech about being a bridge between worlds and a costume -> becomes superman (not Superman, that’s later) to save the world, albeit a very property-damagey version, rejects his heritage he just learned about and space dad’s bridge idea -> folks hate him being superman and that sucks though at least he’s got a girlfriend now -> things go so wrong he considers not being superman but his ghost dad reminds him shit always goes wrong so he should be good anyway, which sorta feels like it contradicts his previous advice -> immediate renewed goodness is out the window as he’s blackmailed into having to try and kill a dude but the dude happens to coincidentally have some things in common so they don’t kill each other after all -> big monster now but superman keeps supermaning at it because he loves his girlfriend and he dies -> he’s brought back, wears black which apparently means now he likes Krypton again? -> he has work friends now but he’s still sad because he was dead -> evil now! -> wait nevermind time travel -> rallies the troops -> his wife’s having a kid so he’s not sad anymore -> Superman! Who gives way to more Batman.

Do I think Zack Snyder is lying when he says he likes Superman? No. I think he sincerely finds much of the basic conceits and imagery engaging. But I don’t think he meaningfully gives shit about Clark as a character, just a vessel for Big Iconic Beats he wants to hit. Whereas while for instance he’s critical of Batman as an idea (at least up to a point), he’s much more passionately, directly enamored with him as a presence and personality. So while Superman may be the character whose ostensible myth cycle or arc or however it’s spun might be propelling a lot of events here, it’s a distant appreciation - of course the other guy takes over and subsumes him into his own narrative. Of course Batman is the savior, the past and the future (though if he’s supposed to be Batman’s kid raised by Superman there’s no excuse for him not to be Nightwing), the tragic martyr to our potential. Admittedly the implication here is also that Batman can apparently only REALLY with his whole heart be willing to sacrifice his life to save an innocent, for that matter apparently his great love, once said innocent is a receptacle for his Bat-brood, but he and Clark are both already irredeemable pieces of shit by the end of BvS so it’s not like this even registers by comparison.

Anonymous said: That “plan” Snyder had was utter dogshit. Picture proof that DC & WB hate Superman. Also I love how you’re like Jor-El: Every single idealistic take you had about Snyder, his fandom, and BvS was wrong. Snyder’s an edgy hack, his fanbase just wants to jerk off to their edgy self-insert Batgod as he screams FUCK while mowing people down with machine guns, and the idea that BvS said Superman was better than Bats was completely wrong. You know what comes next SuperMann: Either you die or I do.

In the final analysis, beyond that mother of god is there sure no conceivable excuse for the treatment of Lois in this? The temptation is to join that anon and say as I originally tweeted that these were “built entirely to disabuse every single redemptive reading of the previous work and any notion of these movies as nuanced, artistic, self-reflective, or meaningful”.

...

...

...yeah, okay, that’s mostly right. Zack Snyder’s vision really was the vision of an edgelord idiot with bad ideas who was never going to build up to anything that would reframe it all as a sensible whole. He’s a sincere edgelord genuinely trying really hard with his bad ideas who put some of them together quite cleverly! But they’re fucking bad and the endgame was never anything more than ramping up into smashing the action figures together as big as he could, the political overtones and moral sketchiness of BvS while trying to say something in that movie reverberated through the grand scheme of his pentalogy in no way beyond giving his boys a big sad pit to rise out of so when they kicked ass later it’d rule harder, and all the gods among men questions and horror and trappings were only that: trappings. Apparently he’s really pleasant and well-meaning in person, but at his core his art as embodied in a couple weeks in his 4-hour R-rated Justice League movie meant to be seen in black-and-white all comes down to that time he yelled at someone on Twitter that he couldn’t appreciate Snyder’s work because it’s for grown-ups. He made half-clever, occasionally exciting shit cape movies for a bunch of corny pseudo-intellectual douchebags, folks latching onto and justifying blockbusters that at least acknowledge how horrifying the world is right now even if the superheroes are basically useless in the face of it if not outright part of the problem until a convenient alien invasion shows up to justify them, and a handful of non-asshole smart people who vibe with it but...well. ‘Suckered’ is a harsh word, and definitely doesn’t apply to all of them re: what they’ve gotten out of it up to this point and would (somehow) get out of this. But it doesn’t apply to none of them, either.

[plsbyallmeans]

yuck, why am I doing this episode 2.

NOT REALLY A SERIOUS Commentary. just for the lulz.

I was prohibited by Tumblr to comment further on my original post hence this huge ass post. HAHAHA.

I actually like ML's friend. HAHAHA.

Ewww so this is where Monica hurriedly went to her mom and told her that the President kissed her. She looks so thrilled and proud like as if Bill gave her a star or something. GIRL, I MEAN SERIOUSLY. HOW COULD YOU BE PROUD OF THAT?

She's really delusional. That's it.

Clive Owen is so funny. LMAO.

Awww where Bill hugged Hillary and Chelsea but lmao this is so uncomfortable. Everyone looks like shit.

Dang girl she really likes beret. LMAO.

Ewww so this is where she is pictured giving Bill a kiss on the cheek on the ground of White House. LMAO. Clive is so funny. So awkward. lmao. Seriously the hilarity of this series. LMAO I THOUGHT MONICA WILL BE KISSING BILL'S JACKET. LIKE GADDAMN THE GIRL IS SO THIRSTY.

I SWEAR TO GOD THAT MOMENT IN THE LAWN IS SO FUCKING FUNNY. THESE PEOPLE ARE FUCKING STIFF.

YA GIRL YA THRISTY WOMAN.

Girl is so damn cray cray.

oh yikes, so this is where Monica said it's the President. lmao. She finally told Linda that it's the President and of course. of course, Linda got crazy because she could see all the $$ $ $$ $ $ $ $

lmao.

Oh she's now recounting when it first happened.

She's really obsessed with him. lmao. Oh hahahaha she literally showed her thong. HAHAHAHAHA. I laughed more than necessary on the thong scene. Bananas.

Here's the Pizza scene. I know where this is going. What's with the slowmo? This is sickening. LMAO.

Eww, these two. hahaha.

It gets lonesome some days - Bill Clinton

LMAO these two. fudge.

Ewww, Bill is flirting.

Shucks. This two is crazy and even nuts. Oh they literally skipped the part where Bill asked for permission. Actually, the kiss is solid. lmao. crazy

"We secretly plan to run to each other."

Yes damn down to 35 minutes.

HAHAHA. Girl, you are naive. Wow, this girl fell hard. Girl, your ass is going to fall hard on the concrete after your confession to Linda. Watch ya back.

Linda is so crazy.

They really characterized Bill as someone who would take advantage of the women working in the White House. LIKE DUDE. U OK? I mean it's being insinuated.

#Isurvivedthegrosskiss2021 #Isurvivedthiscrazyseries2021

Girl you trapped.

#yourgirlisstillpinning2021

he ain't calling you because he's having seks with Hillary. ya dammit.

lmao, Bill you crazy shit. But I still you. Like you and your troubled soul.

"I missed your voice" BWAHAHAHA! BILL YOU OAF.

These people are fat because they like microwaving stuff. Don't people have like a stove or something?

"I have a gift monica," - Linda. Yes, Linda, you have a gift. A gift fit for a witch. wtf. you monster.

Yes, 29 minutes left!!!!!

They really have an ugly setting. ugly background. boring. boring.

dull. wtf. don't they have funds?

Everyone is so ugly. WTF. That's why this series is not getting views (besides its boring plot).

That and it's still fucking dark.

Seriously, I know that back in the '90s are not yet modern with makeup, dang girl, everyone looks ugly. I mean, I'm not that beautiful but come on I expected something.

LMAO ANN COULTER IS "FIRED AGAIN"

Ann is really horrible.

Awww, Cobie. I still love you. <3

COBIE WTF WITH YOUR ACCENT?! LIKE THE FUCK GIRLLL GET YOUR ASS BACK IN MARVEL.

See everyone is really crazy about Bill's eggplant.

"THE GOAL IS TO EMBARRASS HIM" - YEAH SIR you got that right.

I can't wait for this series to end. <3 <3

oh, they really want ya Bill to get impeached.

22 minutes before it ends, come one. end now. this is so boring. no wonder this couldn't pull viewers.

will they show Bill and Hillary kissing because I am more interested in that?

WAT. Can I fast forward? This is so boring.

Wow ya girl is persistent. Wants to be the one to send the gift and she wants to get back in the white house.

"SHE'S A GOOD KID" - like what the fuck. lmao.

Oh here's the blue dress. YAY. Monica keeping it as a souvenir. HAHAHAHA. I still cannot.

ALSO THE FROG. WTF. HUHU WHY DO YOU HAVE TO.

LMAO MONICA WEARING THE RED DRESS. HAHAHAHAHA. I CANNOT.

"It's just Hillary" - like girl, u ok? that's Hillary Diane Rodham Clinton for you, Linda.

lmao - hahahaha Bill is hinting to Monica that she's being a weird-ass stalker. lmao.

LMAO LINDA USED AN EXCEL TO DO A TIMELINE FOR MONICA AND BILL'S "MOMENTS". girl, I would also do the same. Like how I do my fanfics.

Let's just get it done and over with. GIVE ME EDIE - I want to see cold robotic Hillary Clinton.

I miss HILLARY huhu. love you girl.

HAHAHAHA THE INAUGURATION DANCE.

LMAO THIS IS SO FUNNY.

HAHAHAHAHA! Actually bill and Hillary dancing together smiling kinda gets it. I mean it lacks the sweetness but it's kinda there.

DUDE EVEN IN THE SHOW IT SHOWS CREEPY SHOW BILL HAPPY WITH COLD SHOW HILLARY. They actually look kinda cute.

YAY 12 MINUTES LEFT!

you know I kinda understand why Sarah Paulson hated taking this role. Linda is just a monster.

lmao Paula Jones got a glow-up in her interview.

I think everyone's ugly because of everyone's nose. They all look huge. WTF.

Just give me Cold Show Hillary pls. I am so tired.

Bill's playing solitaire is gold.

aww I miss Bill and Hillary. <3

LMAO "TESTING 1 2 3" - I imagine Bill doing this.

EWwww here comes creepy Monica giving Bill a creepy dreamy stare. ewwww. ewww. ewww.

Yay down to 7 minutes!!!!!

"Boy I miss that smile" - Bill Clinton - eewww, Bill. Like u ok? hahahaha. I laughed.

Wait what did he gave her? i thought it's a wand. like a harry potter wand.Fucking studio light. I cannot see everything.

Oh, it's a hat pin! I thought it's a pen.

EEWWW "IF YOU GOT ME THAT I WANT TO OPEN IT IN FRONT OF YOU."

oh, here's the leaves of weeds book.

Bill should have given Monica a bible.

6 more minutes! I am done!

These monkeys. Hurry the fuck up.

I really miss the Clintons. lmao.

"We have to be really careful." - Bill Clinton ; eeewww, yuck

oh they kissed twice in this show. Ewww. this two. gaak.

Overall comment:

they really depicted it as what it is: Monica is crazy about Bill. She teased him. They had consensual affair.

Monica pinned hard for Bill, he didn't return the fondness.

Monica had a mistake trusting Linda.

She was trapped by people who have a selfish interests.

I think Monica wanted to make herself innocent by making it appear that she is just someone who fell in love with the wrong person and who trusted the wrong friend.

The way they portrayed the whole thing is really consensual. But they made Bill really look predatory.

The lighting is really so bad. lmao. Their makeup is kinda bad. It's still boring

Nothing new that we don't know of.

I actually don't hate Bill after watching this. LMAO. I actually missed them! bwahahaha. I miss seeing Bill and Hillary. Maybe I would read some fics and watch their past interviews.

[captaingondolin]

tagged by @wrennette here, thank you!

RULES: It’s time to love yourselves! choose your 5 (ish) favorite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought into the world in 2020. Tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works. 

[podfic of] Untranslatable by 13th_blackbird | Star Wars: Thrawn | Thrawn/Eli Vanto

trying to do Thrawn’s deep voice destroyed my throat but it was extremely worth it (also my Italian ass did Eli’s accent and I deserve some cookies for this). also the fic is hot as all hells. even if you don’t listen to the podfic, go read the fic, because it’s good stuff

stole our new lives | Saint Seiya | Dragon Shiryu/Pegasus Seiya 

absolutely no one is going to care about this Saint Seiya Omega (not that Omega, this one is... the power of love? i guess?)/Knights of the Zodiac ficled but by the gods i love it to bits. the heroes who were 13 and 14 (like all good shonen manga heroes) in the original series are now pushing 40, and a little bitter and sad. (did i mention that StS dug up my love for angst like whoa? or maybe it was 2020, who knows)

[podvid] ‘like’ it or not by shortcrust | The Witcher | Geralt/Jaskier

first of all this is a multivoice and everyone in it was amazing, and I had no part whatsoever in the editing. i read Jaskier’s part with (hopefully) suitable enthusiasm. modern au, twitter fic, hilarity.

[fic & podfic] If the Heavens Ever Did Speak | Historical RPF | William Shakespeare/Christopher Marlowe

look. look. this fic. this damned fic had been in my drafts for literal YEARS.  and now i’m freeeee. also there’s an amazing podfic of it by TheLordOfLaMancha/fishchipsandvinegar, which you can find here.

“I could kiss the lips that uttered my verses so perfectly,” he whispered, “Who is this new stage wonder?" William bowed with a flourish and took off his feathered hat. "William Shakespeare, at your service." The man looked him up and down. "Is that so?"

[podfic of] war stories by TheAceApples/aces-to-apples | Star Wars: Clone Wars | Fives, Rex, others

a snapchat fic in which the 501st, the 212th and their jedi get up to Shenanigans.

the only way we know we’re alive | Star Wars: X-Wing series | Iella Wessiri/Elscol Loro

i wrote femslash!! and i straight up made up the pairing (or, well, maybe someone in the 90s put a fic about them in a zine, but unfortunately i can’t know these juicy stories). i am proud of the fact that i went and wrote it, even if it’s short and very niche. i met these characters, vibed with them and did a thing! without postponing it to a nebulous future moment!

tagging: @fishandchipsandvinegar @glimmerglanger @kd-heart @reena-jenkins @aces-to-apples @trickytricky1 @madluluwriting @spectral-musette @rrrainbo @crispyjenkins @bureau-pinery and i could tag so many more of you amazing, talented people, and more yet aren’t even on tumblr (or i don’t know your handles), but a heartfelt thank you to every fan creator for getting me through 2020 <3

(also i never know who likes these games and who doesn’t. sorry for bothering you, if it’s not your thing!)

[yurimother]

LGBTQ Comic Review - ROADQUEEN: Eternal Roadtrip to Love

I was more than a little surprised when Seven Seas Entertainment announced earlier this year that they would be publishing Mira Ong Chua’s graphic novel ROADQUEEN: Eternal Roadtrip to Love. The Yuri romcom ran a successful Kickstarter last year, and that must have caught the publisher’s eye. Fast-forward to October when they released ROADQUEEN. I was eager to check out an independent comic that was never subjected to whims of a magazine editor. Before I read it, the work was hyped up to immense proportions on Twitter and in my inbox, so the pressure mounted on ROADQUEEN to sweep me off my feet. When I finally sat down to read it, I was happy to find a hilarious and fun romance with a multitude of references and a tightly focused story, though not the revolutionary work others claimed it to be.

ROADQUEEN follows Leo, the cool, sexy, and idiotic idol of Princess Andromeda Academy. While she has countless admirers who regularly profess their love for her, Leo cares only for her beloved motorcycle Bethany. The book describes Leo as a “gay f***boy,” an apt characterization. When the mysterious and sensual Vega, the one person who can resist Leo’s tomboyish charm, tricks Leo and steals her bike, Leo falls into depression. Fortunately, there is one hope for her, one way that she can reclaim Bethany, proving to Vega that she can be a decent lesbian. Leo has one week to fake date Vega and win back her motorcycle, or it will be lost forever.

The premise in ROADQUEEN is ridiculous but focused. The author matches the hilarity of the situation with powerful and laugh out loud dialogue. The comedy is sharp, modern, and outrageously funny. Whether it is Leo plannings half-baked schemes to get her bike back only for them to backfire or her friend boots scolding her for her “big-ass ego,” the comedy will have readers laughing the whole way. However, even with this comedic lean, there are several more emotional and human moments. Thankfully, the plot is centered only on Leo and Vega, without wasting precious time on side characters or extraneous developments.

There are also lots of cute service moments. Vega and Leo's fake dates feature romantic and simple scenes like Leo introducing Vega to video games or making her breakfast. Given the older teen rating and language, I was honestly expecting something lewder. However, I am pleased to find that most of the service consists of these cute adorkable moments. However, there is some more sexual content in a bonus story included in the volume and one panel of the main comic. However, it is not too grotesque or pandering, and in the latter example, it helps illustrate Vega's character and history effectively.

While the story is cute and fun, there are some aspects I did not like. Fake dating is one of the least interesting and more predictable tropes. The instant it is suggested, the reader knows exactly how the two characters will fall in love. Yes, the story is exciting and entertaining, but as the saying goes, a polished turd is still a turd. Stories centered on fake dating suffer from the trope more than they benefit.

Its characters' unlikeability also harms ROADQUEEN. Leo is cruel to many of the other students in her rejection of them and is extremely full of herself. While the story is about her redemption, and she improves over time, she is unbearable in early chapters. Vega is not much better, as her initial actions are deeply harmful to Leo. While she is arguably justified, the revelation of her motives is not the final chapter, so readers are left wondering why she is so callous and manipulative.

The art of ROADQUEEN has a nostalgic style, with designs and themes taken from the 90’s anime. I especially noticed MANY connections to Sailor Moon. There are likely more, but my near-encyclopedic knowledge of anime and manga is mostly restricted to current Yuri works. However, this may have worked to the graphic novel’s favor. I am able to notice and appreciate the homages, but can still separate ROADQUEEN from the titles that inspired it. Whether it is Referential or derivative will be up to the individual’s opinion, but either way, the artwork is impressive. The character designs are cool, retro, and expressiveness. Additionally, there is plenty of creative imagery in the full world. Ultimately, art is one of ROADQUEEN's strongest characteristics.

One of the advantages to this being a (formally) independent work is that ROADQUEEN is allowed to very queer, at least in terminology. Mira Ong Chua is not skittish about identifying her characters as lesbians. It is a nice change of pace from the majority of Yuri, which avoids lesbianism and LGBTQ identity. There is also definite sexual attraction and feeling, as Leo is shown to have pin-up posters, and the extra story focuses on Vega trying to find time to have sex with Leo. I sincerely appreciate how gay and mature this story is.

ROADQUEEN: Eternal Roadtrip to Love is an outrageously fun and endearing adventure with nostalgic visuals and fast-paced and funny dialogue. The story is tired, but its humor and strong pacing help with the less than ideal aspects. While it initially suffers from unlikeable characters, readers will grow attached and root for Leo on her quest to become a decent lesbian!

Ratings: Story – 8 Characters – 4 Art – 7 LGBTQ – 9 Sexual Content – 5 Final – 7

You can purchase ROADQUEEN: Eternal Roadtrip to Love digitally and in print today: https://amzn.to/2R64mI6

Review copy provided by Seven Seas Entertainment ( @sevenseasentertainment​ )

[bartenderhell]

First post from the way back machine...

I spent some time this morning looking through old, nay ancient, blog posts and found an old blog I’d even forgotten I’d created. The following is an edited/redacted version of a post written in early February of 2005. Those were the days...

Fights in or outside of a bar are inherently odd, I think. They can at the same time be completely predictable, and spontaneous at the same time. I'm pretty sure that every bar as its usual crew or collection of 'bad apples', as the saying it goes. My town is no different, except that in some cases, we've been dealing with the same bushel of apples for years. You gets these guys who have to prove they're cool or bad asses by picking fights or just being ass holes in general. I should know, I've been throwing out some of the same guys for eight and a half years. Some fights are predictable, and you can see them coming from the very moment someone walks in to a bar. It's either because the guy is a dickhead, or his woman  carries herself in a similar manner which will eventually lead to him getting pissed off at her, but taking out on whichever poor dumb schmuck she has pulled on to the dance floor with the sole intention of making her man jealous. Which brings me to my second point on bar fights. Now, this may sound like an entirely sexist statement, but roughly 90% of all fights in a bar are because of women. now, i'm not saying women are always going around starting fights or anything like that. But be it directly or indirectly, a woman is usually the basis for any kind of a fight. These are the different ways: A. "You slept with my girlfriend/wife/boyfriend/husband 2 years ago before I ever knew them!" B. "You slept with my girlfriend/wife/boyfriend/husband 2 weeks ago before I ever knew them!" C. "You used to date my sister/brother, you cocksucker/whore!" D. "You're fucking my baby's mother/father!" E. "Hey, that's my girlfriend/wife/husband/boyfriend you're trying to finger bang/dry fuck on the dance floor, ass hole/bitch." Of course there's the ever popular and sure to please: "If that bitch/ass hole doesn't stop staring at me/looks over here one more time I'm gonna kick their ass." It's that last statement that usually predicates a spontaneous fight. The spontaneous fights, obviously are the worst. With the ones that you can see coming, you can usually pick out the primary players and move in and stop it before it even starts. Spontaneous ones are exactly that: Spontaneous. Everyone is drinking, dancing, having a great time, and then BAM!! Two guys are throwing punches, shoving each other, knocking customers, chairs, tables and drinks over until they collapse to the ground in a flurry of tangled arms and legs with half the guys in the bar thinking they're doing the staff a favor by trying to break it up, when in most cases they're the dumb asses' friends and they really just want to get a lick in. Most of these start in some way near the dance floor, but inevitably end up in the seating area where the most collateral damage can be caused. The majority of injuries I've received from bar fights over the last few years haven't come from fists or heads or people at all. It's been from banging my shins on the legs of overturned chairs as I'm trying to haul ass to get to the actual fight. My knees suck, man, let me tell you. One of the best examples I can give for a spontaneous fight was this: On a hot summer night, with the bar hot and stuffy as hell and people dancing up a storm, a girl's body over heated while she was on the dance floor and shut down. She essentially went into something like a gran mal epileptic seizure in the middle of the dance floor. In the process of clearing people out of the way and trying to clear off the entire dance floor, a few guys got shoved as the crowd moved back. These guys didn't like getting shoved and hilarity ensued. There were a few fights inside of the bar, and a whole shit load outside the bar. By the way, when the fights started outside, I was the only employee outside and got to deal with them all myself. That was a situation when a 'painful' decision is made: you have to contain the one guy who started most of the bullshit and keep him restrained while also trying to keep him from getting his ass kicked. In trying to restrain this guy, I suddenly looked like a guy out of a rodeo trying to wrestle down a calf by the neck, while also trying to fend off the guys who were trying pummel him. I got so much blood on my face it looked like someone had beat the shit out of me, which fortunately was not the case. That situation sucks, because--wrong as it may be--it's kind of nice to see the one guy who caused all of the trouble getting his ass kicked. There's a poetic justice to it. Unfortunately, it's not entirely ethical. Then again, aren't ethics generally a pretty gray area when you're in a bar? Ending fights can go any number of different ways. The most well known end is where two guys finally get pulled apart after beating on each other (like this past weekend) or trying to beat on each other, and you finally get their respective groups to get them loaded into a vehicle and leave. Sometimes, it's not necessarily the end of the fight because the groups decide to go to an undisclosed location to, "Finish this once and for all" as the saying goes. Sometimes, you even have to call the cops or the cops just happen to pass through the parking lot at the right time and take care of it so you can take care of more important measures, like making sure there's nothing happening INSIDE of the bar that the cops can nail you for. One of my favorite ways of ending a conflict takes a certain kind of finesse and timing, it's something I've been trying to perfect over the years after watching my current boss, the infamous Dave Flanagan. It's a concept of diffusing a situation I had never thought of: using comedy in some size, shape, or form. The first example I ever saw of him using this method was a kid out in the parking lot, ready to kill some guy, took his shirt off to show that he was ripped or what not. Dave said something to the effect of, "Oh yeah, well take this on first buddy!" and took off his own shirt to reveal his pot belly and sagging pecs. The kid couldn't help but start laughing his ass off, and everyone else followed suit. That kind of abrupt changing of gears totally neutralized everything. We all had a good laugh, tempers simmered, and the night carried on peacefully. I have to admit that I'm kind of cocky about what I know about the business and often feel like I know the best or only ways to handle a situation, but Dave has a way of showing me I don't. This is a guy who was a former golden glove boxer, a rodeo clown, state arm wrestling champ, bull rider, what have you. Most times, he can whup any young or old upstart that comes calling, but he knows that the best way to handle a fight is to end it before it starts. It's the anti-climactic ending, the one that never made it to the final edit of Roadhouse, but it's always, ALWAYS, the best. but believe it or not, breaking up a fight is a blast sometimes, it really is.

[popculturebuffet]

Top 8 Worst Christmas Episodes

Happy Holidays everybody! If your wondering where i’ve been.. i’ve been a combination of swamped with holiday activity, and just plain activity, and procastinating on getting content out for this blog.. but i’m kicking myself to actually get in gear. And I can’t think of a better reason than the holidays.  I love this time of year, while it can be physically and financially exhausting, people can act like rabid wildebeasts in stores, and there’s no end of jackasses who refuse to accept that Christmas isn’t the only holiday in town and that it’s perfectly fine if people want to you know, celebrate something else. But beneath it all is heart: giving gifts to people you love out of the kindness of your heart, beautiful decorations put up with care and holiday warmth, people freezing their asses off for charity everywhere.. there’s a lot of good done and a lot of good underneath.  And part of that good is Christmas Episodes. I do love me a good holiday episode and there’s been plenty of great Christmas epsidoes with a few Hannkuah and Kwanza ones thrown in. But for the mountain of presents of episodes, that we will get to, there’s also a small pile of cole that’s become sentient and stalks me every holiday season.. my meataphor may of gotten off track but the point is out of the VAST majority of good to decent holiday episdoeds there’s a handful I just.. flat out hate. ones that either miss the point, are unecessarily cruel and not nearly funny enough about it, or ones that are simply bad episodes of their show that happen to be christmasy. SO let us unwrap the pauly shore of christmas gifts, these are my 8 most hated christmas episodes.. and this is just episodes of ongoing shows, not specials (Though the episode being longer than usual is fine). Otherwise number one would be that time Chewy’s family killed time while his wife’s dad masturbated. As for why 8, my lists on this blog will vary based on need and I could only find 8 I TRULY loathed.. I didn’t want to pad the bottom of the list with mediocre episodes... only the cream of the crap and my christmas fury here. Now that’s out of the way, let’s ho ho go.  P.S. No the brooklyn nine nine episode is not on the list, I just love tha timage and felt it fit. 

8. The Finster Who Stole Christmas (All Grown Up)  This is by far the tamest on the list. I don’t hate All Grown Up. It is a confused shows (with early middle schoolers acting like high schoolers and what not), but it’s just medicore at worst outside of a few episodes. This one though.. is just bleh.  Chucky\ finds a tree on the street that’s perfect, wanting to have a memorable christmas for once. HE takes it home, thinking it’s abandoned, and it’s instead thought to be stolen and we spend a whole epsidoe watching a fucking 12 year old slowly be consumed by guilt.. I hate these kinds of plots. it’s one thing if the character genuinely fucked up or you mine some humor out of it, but it’s a nother when a character genuinely made a mistake and is instead internally tourtured. All the kid wanted was a tree.. he was kind of an idiot but the amount of vitrol over someone TAKING A TREE OFF THE STREET THA TWAS UNMARKED AND YOU DIDN’T TAKE INSIDE. is baffling.

7. Merry Christmas Mordecai (Regular Show) I do like Regular Show. While i’ve latched on to other shows far more, I still enjoyed the show and was a huge fan of it for some time.. this is the episode that killed that. The reason it’s lower is as an episode, it’s only the last two minutes or so that’s truly terrible, but GOD I hate this episode with every fiber of my being.. .the arc would get MUCH worse, but this did kick it off and turn me off the show for some time, though I did come back by the final season so there’s that.  The plot is simple: Mordecai is nervous because his ex Margret will be at the same party he’ll be with his new girlfriend CJ. Things go fine, it’s awkard but whatever.. and then he has a flashback.. and KISSES HIS EX , PASSOINATLEY AS SEEN ABOVE, in FRONT of his new girlfriend. The hero of our show, who was kinda shitty early on but that was ironed out by this point, cheated... and ruined a relationship I happened to really like. The problems of this arc are deep, vast and will require their own article some day, but yeah.. this one scene ruins the episode and set off one of the worst romantic plot tumors i’ve seen in a show and is so nonesnical , yes I get getting swept up in old emotions but you still cheated dum dum, I can’t help but put the whole episode here. It’s like a tootsie pop but the center is somehow full of bees: sure you enjoyed it but the amount of beestings in your mouth will make you hate the experince anyway. That said I will leave this clusterfuck on this blessed image because fuck if it can take it away from me. 

Thank god they didn’t ruin these two for me. 

6. Doug’s Christmas Story (Doug (Nickleodeon Run)

Only 90′s kids will rue the day this episode was born. Doug was mostly a bland and forgetable show.. but this episode is just unspeakably depressing. The premise is Doug’s dog, porkchop, saves local rich kid Bebe from thin ice, she thought he bit him.. and doug’s dog gets put on trial and SENTENCED TO DEATH AT THE POUND. Despite the fact the thin ice sign is clearly there, and this is a GROSS over reaction to a leg injury that wasn’t even caused by the biting. Porkchop knocked her down he didn’t tear off her leg or something.. the ep is lower because it IS well voice acted, but good acting only makes it that much more heartwrenching and makes me question WHY THIS for the christmas story. It’s not a TERRIBLE idea for a story, but for an episode your going to play every year ,epseically for a young network such as nick who only had three shows to start and thus would need this in rotation for some time, WHY would anyone think “Dog gets sentenced to murder for doing something good” , even if it turns around in the ending, is something people would want to SEE every year. Just a poorly written tear jerker that , while thankfully far away from my own nieces where it can’t scar them for life, will likely never leave my memory. 

5. Stump Day (Star vs the Forces of Evil) Oh god this one.. while the top 4 are far worse, this one is still ungodly aggravating. It DOES have a good joke at the begining.  Kid: Uncle River can you tell us the story of stump day? River: (Jovially) Ha ha ha, you don’t tell me what to do! (Tells story anyway) But after that... ti’s the story of Marco throwing Star a birthday party on Stump Day, Mewni’s christmas. As someone who has a birthday near a holiday, if not on one, I do sympathize. All your present days and celebration are crammed into one tight period. Marco means well and gathers all her friends, and her boyfriend tom.. and star flips out not wanting to piss off the stump. So far no bad... Marco meant well but didn’t know how much she cared, Even though Tom warned him I do get star being unpredictable and thus taking the shot anyway.. then he INSISITS on having the party anyway, and has the fucking BALLS to call tom a bad boyfriend when tom eventually calls him out on wanting to keep it going. Especially since Marco COULD’VE just made it into a holiday party to make her happy without sending everyone home. But no he had to be a selfish, entitled dick weed. While tom DOES lunge at marco after Marco calls him a bad boyfriend, Marco again went FAR out of linea nd insulted his own friend because he’s jealous Tom’s with star, and he’s not. ANd then a stump attacks... and then TOM’S forced to apologize. For attacking marco, yeaht hat’s fair but for being a bad boyfriend? No... Marco was the dick and he basically wins anyway despite agian, a simple solution being right there. Let’s move on. 

4. Road to the North Pole (Family Guy) Oh boy this one.. this was at the tale end of my watching Family Guy, before “Quagmire’s Dad” out and out pissed me off enough to finally leave, being you know a transphobic mess i’ll defintley talk about in the future, but this was close: An uncomfortable, unfunny christmas special that starts with Quagmire being overly hostile to Brian for a mistake he couldn’t have possibly known about and continues into a trip to the North Pole where the elves have become deformed due to industralization and Santa is deathly ill and Stewie and Brian have to convince people to ask for less to save him.  The IDEA here is not bad, and after this and the doug entries I want to make something clear: dark, twisted, messed up... these are not bad things for a christmas special to be. Futrama’s two christmas episodes , and to a lesser extent it’s one holdiay episode, are really funny and this trinity’s going to war from the movie is a holiday staple to me. 

See that’s some good all inclusive holiday hilarity that’s patently messed up.. and a emotinal holiday story with some dark themes? also works... King of the HIll had a whole episode where bill was sucidial before taking on the persona of his ex wife that was damn good, having some humor while still having a fairly depressing story with a solid emotional core. You CAN be dark , subversive.. but you have to have a point. Doug was bad because it leaned too far into the misery and that’s what ultimatley hobbles this episode too. You have to have SOMETHING to make people invested besides holding a gun to their dog’s head or KILLING SANTA.  This ep has a godo concept, santa having to industralize to keep up and slowly growing exausted or sick from it.. it’s not bad at all.. but the ep takes it too far and dosen’t have enough emotion to it to brign us back from the brink. It’s especially galling since family guy had DONE a christmas episode in it’s earlier, better seasons, that was far better than this, so while I don’t fault them for wanting to do a second one I DO fault them for doing it so poorly and wasting a potetinally tearjerking and well done concept on a crappy meanspirited wasted hour of my life.. because oh yes, this was an hourlong special. Ho ho hum. 

3. Miracle on Evergreen Terrace (The Simpsons) This one MEANS well but just ends up misrable. The premise isnt’ TERRIBLE: Bart burns down the christmas decorations, fakes a robbery and then feels really guilty as the family is helped by those around them. The issue is when Bart is found out, while his family is furious the town ALL shuns the simpsons with pure hatred, and later robs their house and leaves them with nothing. It’s not an episode i have TONS to say on like those above and bellow, it’s just miserable... and like I ranted about before black comedy can work but this took it too far: most of the simpsons did nothing wrong and bart was throughly punished with his heavy amount of guilt. The show already did “Bart feel sbad after doing something awful at christmas time” FAR BETTER in “Marge not be proud” which, while one I don’t really watch because it is hard to watch at times, is still excellent and Is hard to watch for the RIGHT reasons instead of just being mean spirited. Now from mean spirited to .. I dont’ even know with this one.

2.. Mrs. Wakefield (King of the HIll) What a shock, ANOTHER show I really like that had a terrible episode. No really most of these shows I liked at some point. That includes the top 2, King of the Hill, especially towards the end, had some really bad ones, and a really REALLY weird one that played out like a psyological horror film and ended with a mentally damaged man turned into sausage, yes really, and this one is no exception.  Mrs. Wakefield is the story of an old woman who grew up in the hills house.. and wants to die there...  just stay until she dies. I get being lonely during the holidays, which is the given reason why she’s really doing this she’s cripplilngly alone: being alone sucks. I know this, I understand this.. but it still dosen’t mean you can die in someone’s house. That’s a traumatlizing pile of stuff your foisting on people you barely know and Hank keeps getting vialnized for throwing her out by the neighbors.. for NOT WANTING SOMEONE TO DIE IN HIS HOUSE. And later it gets to the point where she’s playing hider in the house and hiding in there trying to die.. what COULD be kinda funny in a twisted way just ends up being creepy. And again this episode had what was essentially a horror story about Luann marrying an older man who slowly moldeed her into the mascot for his company, chased her and peggy around in a pig mask, then got cured of his psychosis just in time to end up as sausage. And yes that was a real thing that happened. They probably shouldn’t do horror but they can do it but here it’s just dumb. Also for those curious while I haven’t seen it hider in the house is a film i’ve heard of about a man who lives in the walls of a house and stalks the suburban family that moves in to no one’s shock, it stars gary busey. I would also not be suprised if that was his life right now. But busey aside, this episode is terrible and like family guy after it and simpsons before it, King of The Hil lhad several stellar holiday episodes and as I mentioned made suicide and devloping a split personality into comedy while still keeping the drama so this.. this is inexcusable. Speaking of inexusable

1. A Robot for All Seasons (My Life as a Teenage Robot) Oh my aching head this one.... yeah this one somehow COMBINES problems from above with it’s own bundle. It has the tonal issues most of these have, being far too bleak without any real effort to back it up.. but it also makes the ENTIRE CAST into dickheads Minus our hero and her semi-stalker Sheldon.  The basic premise is Jenny, our teenage robot, gets kidnapped and taken over by a miserable boy who has her ruin christmas and every other holiday and then wake up with no memory of her being BRAINSWAHSED into it. The IDEA isn’t bad... it’s a dark cirumstnace but it’s a good premise for a half hour special and would have her on the run with her friends trying to help her after beliving she couldn’t do it right? Well... as I said, ENTIRE CAST: Brad, Tuck, HER OWN FUCKING MOTHER all apparently belivie jenny just snapped and did this all on her own, despite you know mountains of super villians. No one came looking for her, no one thought she was acting weird, no one cared. her mother is outright working on the next model.. it’d be okay if they were supsicious or if they wondered why or if ANY OF THEM besides sheldon had looked for her or done anything or if the bad guy had had her act like this was her idea.. but no she just acts massively out of character by ruining lives for a full year, and no one is suspcious and by the end all is forgiven for both the antagnoist and the assholes, even though the assholes all abandoned their best friend/daughter instead of trying to figure out what’s wrong and the angagonist, kid or no kid STOLE A YEAR OF JENNY’S LIFE AND NEARLY RUINED THE REST OF IT. And I know she’s a robot, she is immortal etc.. but she wants to be normal. she lost a year of high school, a year of friends and nearly lost everything.. and yet is just supposed to FORGET that? or that again everyone around her minus her stalker gave up on her? Fuck that, fuck this and... have a happy holidays.  The holidays are more than this pile of garbage and I will be back sometime before the 25th to celebrate the best rather than the worst, to spread joy rather than headaches.. but I do hope if you had to endure any of these that this helped you like it helped me. Have a wonderful holiday time and i’ll see you soon. 

[fromdirectorlanawachowski]

honest and unmerciful endgame thoughts

a sequel to this post

this is deadass one of the worst movies i’ve ever seen.

a few brief thoughts before i get into the more or less play by play.

- making jokes about how time travel in movies isn’t really how time travel works doesn’t work if you’re a fucking movie dude

- fat thor was a fucking disgrace

- professor hulk has to have been 80% ad-libbed because there’s no way someone actually wrote that garbage dialogue

- using a past thanos was a mistake because we don’t actually give a shit about him

OKAY LETS GO

actually fuck it i was gonna do plot point by plot point but i’m just so exhausted i don’t have the strength to do it. i’m gonna go in broad strokes and if you want me to elaborate on WHY something was bad feel free to yell at me in the DMs

okay lets go

right away the whole thing with clint fucking turning on the spot as his family disappears was goofy as all hell. i know exactly what they were going for but having him literally turn on the spot instead of go into the house or go into the shed just draws attention to the absolute hilarity of how fast they vanished compared to others.

why the fuck was tony skin and bones when he got back to earth. i know he was in space for three weeks but they clearly show him eating during the montage of him and nebula doing.... things?

also everyone just kind of trusts nebula? okay? i’d be wary of purple aliens in light of what just happens but inclusivity i guess

also you mean to tell me that in three weeks they scanned the entire universe for gamma radiation? also enough gamma radiation that would show up on a scan from light years away but not fry everyone nearby when thanos snapped?

as soon as they killed thanos i knew the climax of this movie was gonna suck ass.

the writers have no idea how fast human hair grows if five years later natasha still has that godawful blonde dye on her tips

a fucking rat got scott lang out of the quantum realm. i don’t have any commentary for this because this scene speaks for itself. a rat.

moreover how did they even get the van down from the rooftop it was on at the end of ant man 2

fat thor. i don’t have any commentary about this either. the whole thing reeks of the russos looking at taika and going “you wanna be a funny man? you want thor to be fucking funny? you think he’s hilarious? fuck you”

oh i guess i did have commentary on that after all

i’m glossing right over the gay scene because again, taika fought tooth and nail to get bisexual valkyrie and now the russo shitters get to say they had the first canon lgbt character and it’s a couple of throwaway lines that can be redubbed for china. seriously. i don’t think there’s ever a scene where he says “he” or “him” while his lips are on screen.

apparently i am doing this relatively plot point by plot point but i digress

if i was keeping points like cinemasins (ew) i’d take a few off for morgan stark. i’m an bitch but not that much of one.

oh yeah pepper potts’ first of, i believe, four lines in this movie is “yeah i’m reading about compost”. i have no commentary for this either. it speaks for itself.

tony hits upon time travel in a day

i’m so glad we couldn’t get any real character development for anyone but we had time for the four minute “ant man becomes various aged forms of himself and then makes a peeing your pants joke in 2019″ scene.

“that’s how time travel works in movies this is real life” that’s great except that joke falls flat cause you’re a fuckin movie bro

i’m skipping over the entirety of the battle of new york thing because that was just fucking.... *benny hill music*

oh no i’m addressing the ancient one thing. love to have characters retconned into previous movies so they can try and explain the time travel in a way that actually makes it more confusing and also isn’t the way the movie follows

steve leering at peggy through the blinds was creepy, i’m sorry. actually the way he was suddenly obsessed with her this whole movie was really creepy.

howard potts

tony meeting his dad was so awkward and uncomfortable and they really meant for it to be heartwarming but i’m sorry it was fucking hilarious and i was howling with laughter in the theater

likewise thor with frigga. a really nice, emotional moment where thor gets closure with his mom and she overtly says she knows she’s going to die soon but she loves him and she’s so proud of him....

..... and then tops it off with a fat joke. the russos can’t let any kind of emotion hang without making a joke.

when they killed natasha a guy three rows down said “if they were killing her here why the fuck did they greenlight her movie then”

why did thanos get a scene confronting the cost of the stone but clint just wakes up in a puddle? are you gonna tell me thanos cared more about gamora than clint did about natasha? ok.

okay i’ll admit seeing quill dancing on morag without the background music was funny as fuck. rhodey explaining the punchline was not funny as fuck though

three cheers for nebula inexplicably having new abilities

as soon as they brought in past thanos i knew the climax of this movie was gonna suck a big ass

hulk snaps the iron infinity gauntlet because he’s the only one that can withstand the gamma radiation that it allegedly emits and has been mentioned only once before in this movie

the fact that it works is demonstrated by not anyone coming back, but ant man looking out the window at some birds. yeah. gee.

okay i have a question here that may take a little bit to explain.

earlier in the movie it’s explicitly stated they only have enough pym particles for one round trip each. that’s why steve and tony had to go back to 197X to get the tesseract and more particles. 

so.

past-nebula takes current-nebula’s place and uses her particles to travel back to the present, leaving current-nebula with no particles

so how did past-thanos bring his ship to the present with no pym particles

anyway past-gamora and current-nebula kill past-nebula to get the iron infinity gauntlet back

the final battle was whatever. i couldn’t for the life of me tell you what happened or where anyone was in relation to anyone else because it was cut so poorly

everyone comes back. remember at the end of my infinity war thoughts when i said the end had no stakes because obviously everyone snapped came back and you all got mad at me? everyone comes back.

the ladies all running the gauntlet would be cool if it wasn’t encompassed by shots of all the men running the gauntlet, drawing attention to the fact there’s literally only like seven ladies and one of them isn’t even a hero

joss whedon was the cinematographer the day they shot wanda fighting thanos, judging from all the gratuitous shots down her shirt. i know elizabeth olsen has nice boobs. believe me, i do. i’m envious. but for the love of christ stop being creepy voyeurs about it

also “you took everything from me” “i don’t even know who you are???” that was a great setup for her to use her mind powers and make thanos experience some suffering but they just didn’t do that so those lines are hilarious

tony gets the stones and snaps, killing thanos and all his army. thanos fades away into dust while a woman vocalizes in the background in a manner that’s less satisfying than when voldemort did the exact same thing in deathly hallows part 2

tony dies because i guess?

at the funeral everyone is there and there’s shots lingering on everyone including this weird kid who looks like he’d microwave a gerbil? i had to google him and it’s supposed to be the kid from iron man 3. i feel like seven years later you should probably put in a line like “thanks for coming <whatever that kid’s name was>

okay we’ve reached the part i have the absolute most beef with.

steve’s ending

from the start of this movie he’s been inexplicably obsessed with peggy. the ending is telegraphed from a mile away and i was still shocked and stunned that they actually did this.

so steve just gives up everything, all his friends and family, to go back in time to be with a woman he knew for max a year, in the heat of war, where emotions run high and they may very well have latched onto each other in case they died.

steve rogers, the man who wielded mjolnir, the man who broke his friend’s mental conditioning just be refusing to fight him, just sits back through the 50s and 60s and 70s and 80s and 90s. the cuban missile crisis, the LA riots, the assassination of JFK, the death of howard and maria stark, the infiltration of shield, the berlin wall, 9/11, the war on terror, and he just.... did nothing?

what the fuck was that

sam is captain america now though so i’m down with that

but i’m still so angry

this is beyond character assassination for steve. it’s... outright brutal murder and mutilation. anywhere i can, i give endgame a half star review FOR THIS ALONE. setting aside fat thor and how they treat Ragnarok, the fact they think steve rogers would, after everything he’s done and learned, go back into the past where there was still a chance he could help his friends in his own way, and do NOTHING, is the most infuriating thing about this barely-polished turd of a movie.

IN CONCLUSION i said infinity war was the worst movie marvel had ever put out and marvel went “haha we can do you one better”

endgame is just three hours of setpiece, gag, setpiece, gag, setpiece, gag, occasionally punctuated with emotional moments that aren’t allowed to hang long enough for the emotion to sink in before a joke is made, usually at thor’s expense.

[kickflipradio-blog]

Too Much Monkey Business: 4 Songs Talking Rhythm In Rhyme

A tongue twister, battle cry blood blister. Rhythmic rhyme, why don’t people do it all the time!? Now, There are a few reasons that make Chuck Berry a nasty rotten jailbird. There is also an awesome amount of evidence that explains why he is the master and the poet laureate of Rock N Roll. Chuck went on to influence countless pockets, patches and blankets of culture; he will as long as human beings exist. It’s just in the chemistry. The chain reaction since the dawn of time and he was a big link in the chain.

The dude started a trend of songwriting that would later lead to music that remains infinite in our human existence. He has songs himself such as Johnny B. Goode and Maybelline that will forever be heard as the roots of Rock N Roll. These songs put Chuck in the stars, but his poetic, rhythmic genius is completely exposed with one track in particular. Written and released as his 5th single from Chess Records, A track titled, Too Much Monkey Business, was released in September of 1956. A song that runs a string of complaints in a whimsical, humorous, ironic fashion.

“Run and to and fro,

Hard-working at the mail,

Never fail at the mail,

Here comes a rotten bale.”

Or how about,

“Pay phone

Something wrong

Dime gone

Well I oughta’ sue the operatah’

For tellin’ me a tale...ahhh”

Too Much Monkey Business with Lyrics

The rebellion of routine recognized. The “botheration” expressed in rhythm and rhyme. A comedic, Shakespearean perspective on everyday life is thrown into a two minute and fifty-three-second track. Listen to Chuck’s attack on,

“Same thing, every day,

gettin’ up, goin’ to school,

no need me to be complaining,

my objection overruled...ahhh”

Badass attitude. Tone makes everything. From the tone in a sunset, to how you talk to your mother. This rabble-rouser tone is nearly mimicked later in 1965 when the world would get flipped and swing the “Gates of Eden” open to a cultural renaissance.

The boot that kicked clean through the barn door, where culture was lying dormant, opens up with Bob Dylan’s evolution of “Another Side.” The opening track on the debut of Dylan’s electric brilliance, puffs up, slicks back and bohemianizes Chuck’s “Monkey Business.” Subterranean Homesick Blues reflects the rhythm and rhyme of Too Much Monkey Business and is righteously reinvented.

“Maggie comes fleet foot,

Face full of black soot,

Talking that heat put plants in the bed but

Phone’s tapped anyway,

Maggie say ‘the men they say must bust in early may,’

Orders from the DA.”

Dylan attacks the ironic unfairness of expectation that society holds, much as Chuck does, but Dylan nearly interrogates it under a spotlight. It’s like Dylan has this special lens that allows us to observe a million little ants who don’t know how the hell to work together and they’re all bumping into each other, trying to figure it out. Chuck is more day to day, profile to profile, person to person. Dylan reaches a bit further going chapter to chapter. Verse by verse he compares the hustle of the city to the hustle of the farm; hinting at civil rights, cultural phenomenons, stuff like that. Dylan is literally warning you “Look out kid, this is what this hard life has to offer, here are some obstacles I’ve observed along the way; let me explain in my alien-like, Shakespearean, Chuck Berrian original dialect.

“Get Born (Get Woke eh? Dylan was woke AF, am I right?) keep warm,

Short pants romance,

Learn to dance,

Get dressed, get blessed,

Try to be a success*,

Please her, please him, buy gifts,

Don’t steal, Don’t lift,

20 years of schoolin’ and they put you on the day shift.”

*In the famous music video Dylan shoots in 1965 for Subterranean Homesick Blues, he flips through poster cards that follow the lyrics of the song. When the line “Try to be a success,” comes up, Dylan holds a card that reads, “SUCKCESS.” His warning is rhetoric and my personal interpretation is that this world kind of tells you to try to be a kiss ass, suck a lil pee pee maybe? On another note, he also holds a card up that reads “It’s hard” during the line “hard to tell if anything if gonna sell try hard, get Bard” The warning plays back simple and clear, “it’s hard.” Also telling everyone to “get bard,” get hip to willy the shake….Billy Shakespeare.

Subterranean Homesick Blues Music Video

Two rhythmically similar approaches to songs, that paved the way to a new way of thinking. An honest, hysterical, fresh way of thinking. The Earth is perfect, but the world is unfair and the human species is competitive. The real heroes are the honest ones who can practice patience, recognize and relay that reflection of chaos and stupidity that we, as a whole culture and species, are functioning under.

So the 70s happen and most of the 80s happen where time has allowed generations to digest the cultural phenomenon and renaissance that occurred at the latter half of the 20th century. This band in November 1987 puts out a single that supposedly was inspired by being hyper-aware, anxiety, and a dream in which a party was full of people who all had the initials,  L.B. The 80s-indie rock band R.E.M. releases It’s the End of the World As We Know It (And I Feel Fine). To be honest, I thought this song was a 90s song, and it certainly sounds like it could have come out in 1993. R.E.M.: great band; ahead of their time.

“Six o'clock, T.V. hour, don't get caught in foreign tower

Slash and burn, return, listen to yourself churn

Lock him in uniform, book burning, bloodletting

Every motive escalate, automotive incinerate

Light a candle, light a motive, step down, step down

Watch your heel crush, crush, uh oh

This means no fear, cavalier, renegade and steering clear

A tournament, a tournament, a tournament of lies

Offer me solutions, offer me alternatives and I decline”

More stream of consciousness and way more chaotic, surreal and nonsensical. However, the songwriter, Michael Stipe still created a piece that belongs in this group of rhythmic rhyme. It’s a whimsical perspective on the human tragedy. Its’ surreal, revolving, apocalyptic take, still hints at rebellion and liberty from societal routine. ‘Everyday at 6pm, the news comes on and oh boy look at all this chaos...yipee! Maybe I should do something about it, light a candle for someone, try to get some action going on the streets….ah there’s so much to do and nobody’s listening and they’re telling me not to do it anyway, but ah fuck it.’ Songwriter, Michael Stipe effectively carries on the similar cynical helplessness in this fun, whimsical rhythmic rhyming pattern we see from Berry and Dylan. It’s possible I’ve missed other examples in between 1965 and 1987, and if did, please let me know! I’d love to hear from you and talk music history!

It’s The End of The World As We Know It (And I Feel Fine) Music Video

2 years later, Billy Joel writes and releases a single in July of 1989 that captures accurate historical moments and tense emotion spanning from the end of the Second World War to the present day of 1989. We Didn’t Start The Fire continues the legacy of Too Much Monkey Business with the rhythmic rhyming pattern that Chuck started back in 1956. Joel uses historical points as well as cultural and political icons to reflect the human collection of events that are placed on the scales of judgment. A moral test of ourselves. Chuck’s rolling eyes from “botheration,” Dylan’s weighted tongue sticking out at America’s societal routine, Stipe’s dizzying anxiety of becoming overwhelmed and now Joel’s judgment.

Joel steps back and looks, not only at America but the world to examine, essentially, the ripple that has been rolling since the bombing at Hiroshima using the same rhythmic-rhyming method as Chuck and Bob nearly 3-4 decades prior. I like to think of where these artists were when they were picking up influence for a piece like this. Was Joel listening to R.E.M. a couple of years prior on the radio and heard something click in his head? He had to be a fan of Chuck and Bob. Maybe he wasn’t even conscious of the similarities.

We Didn’t Start The Fire Montage

We Didn’t Start The Fire Official Music Video

We Didn’t Start The Fire- The chorus implies that the generations before us kind of made a mess so big that the next generation could never avoid stepping in it. Now I get that my tone may sound negative, but with a grander perspective, it doesn’t have to be so cynical. In fact, I think that Chuck and Bob use a more of an ironic, cynical tone as opposed to Billy who uses more of a mature, mediating tone. ‘Okay so, I wasn’t in existence when y’all were throwing shit on the fire, but now I guess I’m here and it’s all kind of getting out hand...maybe we should do something about it? No? Maybe? Yea, we should probably take care of this, right?’

“We didn’t start the fire, we didn’t light it but we’re trying to fight it.”

The 80s gave us a heroic tone and hopeful songs about changing for the better and the how the world had to take a good look at itself in order to do so. Joel still uses a great amount of condemning and controversial examples of how the world isn’t in its best state.

“Birth control, Ho Chi Minh, Richard Nixon Back Again (Whoops)

Moonshot, Woodstock, Watergate, punk rock.

Begin, Reagan, Palestine, terror on the airline.

Ayatollah’s in Iran, Russians in Afghanistan

“Wheel of Fortune”, Sally Ride, heavy metal, suicide

Foreign debts, homeless vets, AIDS crack, Bernie Goetz

Hypodermics on the shores, China’s under martial law

Rock and roller cola wars, I can’t take it anymore.”

In the end, it seems that it all has become too much. There is still hope in this song. The other three don’t hold the tone of hope as much as they do cynicism and tragic hilarity. Subterranean Homesick Blues and Too Much Monkey Business complain and warn us, as It’s the End of the World  As We Know It is more like a kid punching one fist in the air offering incomprehensible stream of consciousness with a radical attitude.

How the four differ: Bob doesn’t use a chorus, he uses a hook, “Look out Kid, It’s something you did, don’t matter what you did, you’re gonna get hit, they keep it all hid.” The other three have a distinct repetitive chorus separate from the verses. Bob throws the hook in the latter half of each verse to bring his thought around to a satisfying conclusion only to continue kickin’ that rock n roll. Like I said, a boot through a barn door.

We can conclude that these four tunes share multiple patterns and techniques that make them stand out from other songs. We witness an evolution of the observation of societal decline. They all use quick, rhythmic rhyming patterns that make these songs catchy, memorable and well...hit singles. Make a playlist with these four songs in order from Too Much Monkey Business to We Didn’t Start The Fire. Find out for yourself. Let me know if you discover anything. Let’s talk about it!

There aren’t many songs like these four, and well this article/blog/piece-whatever you want to call it- is just recognizing that and nothing more. Maybe we can learn something from it...but I’m just going to try writing a quick, witty, whimsical, ironic, rhythmic, rhyming observation on the societal decline and see what comes out. Maybe it’ll be a “hit single” yea right..and maybe roosters won’t peck me every time I try to give ‘em a kiss!

Aloha and always cheers,

Fisher the Lloyd