history3 ep 9 summary - AKA SHAO FEI IS JEALOUS FOR 26 WHOLE MINUTES
GUYS YOU GONNA DIE OF LAUGHTER THIS EP OMFGGG WTF JUST HAPPENED?!!! although the jealousy was a bit much man
WE START OFF WHERE WE LEFT OFF LAST WEEK - OFFICE + ANDY
we start off with the massage scene again and oooh seductive andy’s tone as he tells tang yi to relax - nice hands and totally hypnotising YOU GO ANDY
bodydumb and shao fei teaming up is hilarious AND OMG so andy bends down to the floor like we all saw last week, and that’s when both bodydumb and shao fei literally gasp like HORRIFIED and just barge into the room to grab andy up and shao fei is all “what the fuck are you doing why are you crouching down what position is this?!”
CUE SLY ANDY JUMPING UP, POUTING AND THEN HIDING BEHIND TANG YI: “ah yi, this person is so fierce i’m so scared”
shao fei: “i’m now tang yi’s bodyguard and i feel that you’re dangerous and problematic so leave right now”
bodydumb at shao fei: “hey why are you snatching my job?!”
“WHAT’S WRONG WITH THE BOTH OF YOU, AM I BACTERIA?!” - ANDY at shao fei and bodydumb WTF HAHAHAHAHA
omg andy is squatting down on purpose to fuck with them I LOVE HIM
THE NEXT SCENE - they move to the restaurant and geez where is andy GIVE ME MY ANDY but anyway SHAO FEI IS TOTES ANGRY AT TANG YI AND THEY’RE AT THE RESTAURANT AND OMG BODYDUMB YOU HAVE BEEN UPGRADED TO BODYGUARD HE TOTALLY SAW THE ATMOSPHERE AND WAS LIKE ALRIGHT TIME TO FUCKING EXIT instead of sitting around and watch th both of them
omgggggg shao fei is so jealous he’s eating so damn hard and noisily and tang yi is just laughing at him and he CHOKES HE FUCKING CHOKES because he’s eating so damn hard and angrily and tang yi just laughs at him he can’t take it anymore
tang yi insists that they’re friends - shao fei is like: “what kind of friends? there are the ones that go for karaoke, the friends that you exercise with.... and then then kind that do the OTHER kind of exercise, which kind are you guys?!” and after a while of him just talking tang yi interrupts him and goes: “are you trying to understand or are you jealous?”
SHAO FEI, WITHOUT HESITATION: “BOTH!!!!”
and then he denies it as he mutters to himself, and just look at how gleeful and happy tang yi is wtaf and then shao fei goes on and on about how andy has a boyfriend and what if his boyfriend came to find trouble with you? you already have so many enemies, now you want to add on another love-enemy?”
tang yi: “you’re thinking too much”
shao fei goes on as if he didn’t hear him: “you never know, things are crazy nowadays, did you see the news?!!!! etc. etc. especially because you’re so charismatic?!”
and tang yi just takes the praise in stride it’s amazing - and then because shao fei is so damn angry tang yi i think purposely picks up shao fei’s coke and drinks it with the spicy dish they’re having, and as expected, shao fei pauses in his tirade and goes: “hey, you’re drinking coke now?”
and tang yi NODS
OMFGGGGG CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT - TANG YI IS SWEET!!! and shao fei spoils the moment (or makes it better, it’s up to interpretation): “you’re drinking my saliva (from the coke)”
OMGGGGG THE LADDER BODYGUARD DUDE IS QUITE HANDSOME TOO NO?!!!!
JACK is totally jealous that zhao zi is touching some other dude’s pecs and man-boobs, so he’s totally like come touch mine zhao zi don’t touch that old man’s!!!!
jack: “if you want, you can come check mine (muscles)”
he’s totally flirting, but zhao zi is like: “okay! you promised, no take backs, you can’t be shy on me later”
jack: “me? i think you’re the one who will be scared” (BECAUSE THEY ARE THINKING OF DIFFERENT THINGS)
zhao zi: “this is nothing, back in the academy, i’ve even seen guys butt naked etc. etc.” - dear lord zhao zi you’ve got no idea, you’ve got NO IDEA HOW MUCH jack is thirsting over ur ass
more zhao zi and grandma backstory: SNIFFLES grandma died in his second year of police academy and paid for his education, but didn’t live to see him graduate, and i SWEAR IF JACK DIDN’T ALR LOVE HIM HE DOES NOW?!
OMG ZHAO ZI CAN U BE MORE STEADY THAT WASN’T LIKE A FLIMSY LADDER?! anw they fall into the pool like in the trailer and omg i love them, and because jack is wearing a white see-through shirt which is totes translucent when he stands up from the pool and zhao zi is totally drooling at his man-boobs and then jack goes: “you’re kidding, you want to check now?!”
HONG YE walks past with Dao Yi, she’s here to discuss smth with Tang yi and waiting for him to come back and then she sees Jack and Zhao Zi in the pool and is like WTF - zhao zi recognises her face from interviews and tv that she’s done (probably for the company etc.) and intros himself as a police and then she ‘s like HMPH WTF and then stomps into the house
LOL - “HONG YE LOOKS LIKE MY GRANDMA” - ZHAO ZI QUOTE OF THE YEAR he’s damn lucky hong ye wasn’t in earshot when he said that she would have DESTROYED HIM
i wanna explain more about hong ye and glasses guy dao yi but i’ll do that after i get this out in full - in any case, she wants him, he obviously likes her, but refuses to be her boyfriend because he is having a dilemma, considering that he’s watched her grow up and also protected her since she was younger in a sense, he’s finding it hard to decide whether to treat her as his charge or a woman that can be his girlfriend
LOLOLOLOL
OMGGGG HOT DOCTOR?!!!!!!!!
tang yi: “we’re here because i need to repay a debt”
shao fei: “what debt? why must you do it here?”
HOT DOCTOR POPS UP: “because there’s a bed~” - wow hot doctor way to go way to make shao fei go even more mad and jealous
OMFG - SHAO FEI’S EYES WHEN TANG YI STRIPS OFF CLOSE YOUR DAMN MOUTH FLIES ARE GONNA GO IN
OMFGGGGGGGGGG SHAO FEI PLSSSS
you guys can imagine what happens inside and what shao fei hears before barging in, things like “oh this is my first time, am i using too much force? etc. etc.” - of course, of course
after shao fei barges in, gapes at tang yi, tang yi shooing him off cutely like he would his husband or lover, and then shao fei stomping out-
doctor dude at shao fei: “wow, wasn’t he a bit too angry?” - YEAH DOC YOU DON’T SAY
HE’S STILL ANGRY OMG SHAO FEI - “is your body meant for other people to touch?!!!!”
OH JESUS BASICALLY TANG YI SHRUGS OFF HIS JACKET AND PUFFS UP HIS CHEST AND GOES: “here you go, you wanna touch?!!!”
good on you shao fei, you didn’t take the bait like zhao zi did - he stomps into the house, goes to the fridge, grabs a drink, and then while pouting and obviously jelly still, he presses the drink to tang yi, and tang yi SMILES omgggg he’s killing me with his smiles
omg poooooor bodyguard - he thinks tang yi doesn’t know that shao fei likes him, so he’s trying to tell tang yi that shao fei has other motivations against him aka shao fei is lusting over him, but tang yi already knows?!!! tang yi tells bodyguard that if he cannot control himself, he’ll transfer him out of the house
OH SHIT: bodyguard goes outside, idk who the hell he is talking to but he says over the phone - “hey, it’s me, do you have time to meet?” - he’s definitely meeting a bad person, it could be hong ye but at this point it doesn’t look like it but it could be anyone’s guess
scene at tang yi’s office - he feels the tension between hong ye and dao yi, and basically she wants to make dao yi jealous and mad, so when dao yi suggests a project for tang yi to do, she steps in and goes: “i don’t think we should spend so much money on the project, can you loan me some people and i’ll do a site visit myself to check?”
and then she sees shao fei buddying up with the guy outside - LOL SHAO FEI LEGIT IS GANGSTERBAIT?!!!! EVERYONE ELSE LOVES HIM AND HE’S FRIENDLY W EVERYONE I HOPE
she sees him and she’s like: “i’ve been really good haven’t i? then i wanna go shopping, i want officer meng to guard me while i shop”
and dao yi is like GASPS: “no, miss, i’ll-”
hong ye: “it’s such a waste for a policeman like him to just stay in here doing nothing, he might as well protect me”
shao fei in the end, even though he protests a bit, but - omggggg the way shao fei listens to tang yi without much argument i love it, tang yi says that protecting hong ye is like protecting her, so shao fei smiles, nods, and goes, but not before saying to hong ye: “what is the worst that could happen (on the trip)?” - WOW FORESHADOWING, GOOD JOB SCRIPTWRITERS FINALLY ON THIS PART
i kind of liked this scene because it shows us the hong ye-shao fei sibling rivalry dynamic - challenging, but healthy challenging rather than heated, harsh barbs aimed to murder each other
okay at this point: we can CONFIRM more or less that the person on the photo isn’t glasses guy Dao Yi, because right after hong ye and shao fei leaves, tang yi is very friendly and warm towards dao yi: “if you won’t promise her, you can’t blame her for treating you like this”
dao yi: “it’s not that i won’t, it’s that i can’t”
tang yi: “if you think too much, you’ll just hurt each other”
it ends there - so GUYS we know we have the shooting tmr and hong ye’s shady scene, i really don’t think hong ye is evil at this point, but she could be doing something she thinks is in tang yi’s and the organization’s best interests, but is doing more harm than good - during the earlier scene in the ep w her and dao yi, dao yi mentions that she shouldnt be so concerned with how other ppl will view Xing Tian Meng and whether they would wanna do business with them because their company and the organization is all legal and clean now, so there’s no matter - but then hong ye replies: “that’s only when we’re FULLY legal and clean, not now” - it’s strange that she would make such a distinction, so i guess she is doing something shady but not totally evil, and my take is that when shao fei gets hurt for it, she feels guilty
or she could be the person bodyguard is meeting?!!!
OR MAYBE I’M THINKING TOO MUCH INTO THIS GUYS
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I'll submit sins later because while I love the idea of S.S. Xenofuckers - they totally wanna bang humans heyo - but can you imagine the reader getting a ship full of robot dads?? Wanting to size up the reader’s partner and all of them (ALL OF THEM) giving the poor person a talk. Rewind and Chromdrome prove to be a scary pair to have Words with. Tailgate and Cyclonus tried to also do that but Tailgate ends up crying halfway through and has to be awkwardly comforted by the partner and Cy.
OMFG yes, please, I want an entire ship of robot dads. Every single ‘bot on the Lost Light has grown attached to you and sees you as their darling ray of sunshine and the thought that another person might hurt your feelings (or, gasp, touch your tiddy) is both terrifying and unacceptable. If you ever bring your partner onto the Lost Light they should expect to get interrogated and judged by every member.
Literally, in some cases. You turn your back for one minute and Ultra Magnus has dragged your partner off into a back room and hooked them up to a lie detector, asking them what their intentions are with you.
Whirl gives the shovel talk to your partner first thing. They do anything to hurt you? Dead. Do anything to make you mad? Dead. Embarrass you? Definitely dead. Bore you? Surprise, they’re dead. And if Whirl sees a single tiddy touched then they’re super dead.
Rewind and Chromedome seem welcoming enough, smiling and giving their pleasantries about how happy they are to meet the person that you talk so highly about. The second you turn away, Rewind’s friendly handshake threatens to crush bones as he pulls your partner close and whispers in their ear that they better watch themselves because he and Chromedome have their eyes on them. Chromedome gives a “we’re watching you” gesture, flicking two fingers back and forth from his visor to your partner before ending with a drag of his fingers against his neck like a knife.
Cyclonus and Tailgate attempt something similar with Tailgate talking big and Cyclonus lingering nearby and looking threatening. It doesn’t turn out so well; in the middle of Tailgate’s speech, when he gets to the part about if anything bad ever happened to you, he starts sniffling static and wetness gathers around the corners of his visor. You are just so good and sweet and you deserve only nice things and he doesn’t know what he would do if anything bad ever happened to you!!!! Your partner awkwardly pats Tailgate’s back. Cyclonus drags his hand across his face but is actually relieved to find your partner seems like a nice enough person.
Megatron doesn’t say anything; he just gives your partner A Look™.
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KAIRO MY BELOVED im breaking in again w cookies and flowers 🍪🍪💐💐 for u!!
i was gonna thank u for ur rb in the replies but my comment got too long 😭😭 U ALWAYS SAY THE SWEETEST THINGS I JUST WANT TO THANK U PROPERY…. 💔💔 but also!! while im here!!! tysm for ur tags on the gojo fics 🥺🥺 i dont want this to get too long phshdjs it will but i appreciate literally every single one of ur words & i always agree w ur stsg takes u just Get them… im especially happy that u enjoyed the poly fic hehe u & satoru are suguru’s babies so true!! he loves u soo much <33 told me to give u a kiss on the forehead from him <333
anyway THANK YOU SO MUCH <33 for ur tags on the sugu fic everytime i see u in my notifs i giggle and kick my feet genuinely. IM SO GLAD THE SUMMER VIBE HIT …. i listened to uncomfortable while reading ur tags what a banger AND IM SOOO HAPPY U LIKED DRUNK!SUGU he’s so special to me…. ”papabear turned babybear” NO EXACTLY u always get it…. AND WAHHH U NOTICED THE 3S????? ur so observant and thoughtful im so touched 😭😭😭 it always feels like you’re a scientist and my fics are lil fish that you’re dissecting under a microscope lmao IT MAKES ME SO HAPPY <3333 i cant tell u how overjoyed i am that the ending hit too!!! seriously!!! i was a lil worried that i made it too sappy so that felt so reassuring 🥺🥺
in conclusion TYSM FOR BLESSING ME W UR THOUGHTS mwah mwah MWAH i hope u have a lovely day kairo!! pls invite me to the wedding when u marry sugu <333 ill bring u gifts!!
ARI PLEASEEEEEEE WHY ARE YOU THE MOST SWEETEST PRECIOUS ADORABLE PERSON ON THE PLANET I’M IN TEARS 🥹🩷 the way you always connect w people & be so kind to them… sniffles just know I Would Die For You <3 & THE GOJO FICS & POLY!SATOSUGU FIC LITERALLLLLLLLY REWIRED MY BRAIN CHEMISTRY……… literally felt like i was IN the stories it was insane in the best way possible 😭 A SMOOCH FROM SUGU YOU SAY??? a kiss from a bad bitch like him is literally all i want in life thank you legend
AHHHHHHH LISTENNNNNNN THE DRUNK!SUGU FIC WAS SO FUCKING SWEET LIKENDNDDNND literally had ME giggling twirling my hair kicking my feet etc……… & YOU LISTENED TO THE SONG??? 🥹 uncomfortable is one of my favs and it always gave me evening summer vibes so when i listened to it while reading your fic… oh it just hit SO good <3 seeing sugu’s soft sensitive side was so precious 2 me i feel like i don’t often see that in fics and WHEW you did it so well <333
AND THE THREES I’M SO FOND OF THE THREES!!!!! omfg not me in my kenjaku shoko dissection era……… methinks kenjaku & shoko would love to dissect your brain (massive compliment) bc the way you think of & write your stories…… oh just DELICIOUS. & YES THE ENDING WAS PERFECTTTTTTTT!!!!!! literally the perfect amt of sap it actually felt really cozy :’)
ALSO THANK YOU SOSOSOSOSOSOSOSO MUCH FOR YOUR TAGS ON THAT LIL TEASER SNIPPET IT LITERALLY MADE ME SO :’) as i was writing it i was like damn this shit is choppy as hell smh BUT I’M SO GLAD YOU LIKED THE SERPENT FANGS & REMORSE DISCERNING WHERE TO RESIDE HEHEHEHE <3 your tags made me feel so much better so thank you again :’)
THANK YOU FOR BLESSING US W YOUR FICS LIKE OMFG??? JUST BANGERS EVERYTIME HOW DO YOU DO IT??? i get so excited whenever you come out w a new story it’s like christmas morning fr <3 AND OFMFMDMD TRUST that you’re invited to mine & sugu’s wedding <333 you can bring shoko as your plus one <3 I HOPE YOU HAVE THE BEST DAY EVER I HOPE IT’S AS WONDERFUL AS YOU ARE :’) MWAH MWAH MWAH <3
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