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rab1dd0g · 2 years ago

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"Pinky Swear?"

Hunter rustled around in his dimly lit tent when he was supposed to be sleeping. He was careful to not wake anybody in their own nearby, respected tents. While rummaging around in his bag, he began to become increasingly irritated when he couldn’t find what he was looking for and briefly gave up on his search with a huff.

Looking up, he was reminded of Willow for a moment due to what the tent was made out of. It was more of a makeshift tent than anything but he was still impressed at her leadership and creativity by using her plant magic to make the structure in the first place. His eyes trailed down to the inner side of the leaf before reaching out with his hand. Softly and slowly, he ran it down a small portion of the giant leaf, taking in the texture of the veins of the plant atop the wooden base. He shivered at the feeling, feeling the goosebumps from across his body; the strongest being where his hand touched the leaf.

Hunter's mind started to trail off as he became more pensive about his experiences with his friends.

He thought about something as simple as a sports game was able to bond him to Willow. How he ached to tell her how much those moments in his life meant to him leading up to now. He had never felt such strong kinship in his life. It truly showed him that other witches could be trusted and treated as if they’d always been by his side. It made him feel empowered, it made him feel like he didn't need to be alone, and it made him question if being alone really was the best course of action.

It made him think about how something equally as simple as a breathing technique bonded him to Gus. How he was able to comfort Hunter; though he didn't open up and wouldn't admit it then, he helped. Hunter’s reciprocation by trying to comfort Gus later. Even if that meant facing his own ugly, nerve wracking memories. How such a small gesture from Gus was rebound back at him. Even if it wasn’t the technique that helped, but his own dorky tooth gap making the air he circulated whistle as it left his mouth.

He couldn't forget who lit the fire to begin with either. How Luz took the first steps with him to break his wall that had been built by himself and his so-called relative. She was the first who made him question his morals, who gave any iota of kinship towards him without something feeling off, who shone the light on who the Emperor really is.

Now he knows how and why he was created. Knowing he wasn’t the first. He wondered if he would have really been the last, how many Golden Guards there were in exact numbers and how long each of them lived. How long it took for Belos to chart, go through with, and attempt to succeed in his plan to eliminate the Boiling Isles. Even though he was raised in the castle, it makes sense why it never felt like home, and more like hunting grounds. Knowing his ancestry prior to the invasion of the emperor's mind. The extra bit of information made so much more sense as to why things were the way they were. Hunter would never forget the day his reality was ripped out from under him, even if it was for the better.

Hunter’s mood began to sour, the emotional whiplash setting in as he remembered what he was originally going to do; his previous train of thought reminding him of his participation in such a ugly coping mechanism. His mind began to swim with all of his memories from the Emperor's Coven, especially his abuser. All the things that happened behind closed throne doors. All the times he was reminded of how much people didn’t want him around. The disrespect, betrayal and mental agony that he thought was normal.

Hunter could feel his galdorstone heart begin to pump harder as his consciousness sank further into his thoughts. His body grew lighter and started to tremble. His memories of the Emperor punishing him by ripping his left cheek clean open. He couldn’t look Belo’s in the eye or even generally around him for too long without feeling the same fear course though him, causing him to break down, accompanied by the feeling of being so, so little. It was almost like he could feel the chill air entering his mouth though his wound, the flesh rubbing against his teeth after trying to speak through the shock of what happened.

Belo’s words jumbled together in his head, sounding nothing more than gibberish even as he got closer to Hunter. All he knew was Belo’s anger and disappointment towards Hunter didn't need any utterance as his lesion spoke loudly to him through the drips pittering on the cold castle floors. His vision blurred as he turned away from The Emperor to go and clean himself up.

The water stinging against his large gash that night grounded him and made him feel more at ease for some strange reason, even with him recoiling while he hissed in pain. He would go back under the water anyways just for the pain to make him feel the rush of relaxation coming in waves; A dull stupor soon taking over, making the water stop burning in his facial laceration. He remembered being glad that his face felt numb and that he showered right after in the first place. It made stitching it together less excruciating and easier to clean all the blood up.

All he could think about was his time in the human realm, how it had been ripped away from him so violently. Any healing he had felt stripped away in an instant all because of one man's strife with someone Hunter was only based off of. His first friend, his first confidant, uprooted by the bitter and wrathful piece of shit he looked up to and falsely owed for being a savior to him.

Flapjack, oh Flapjack.

As angry as Hunter felt, nothing could surpass the heart throbbing guilt of losing his palismen. Of his own hands, killing his palismen. The one who kept him going right when he wanted to give up, when things took a turn for the worse. This gut wrenching feeling made tears start to well and spill out of his eyes, Hunter trying his best to keep his sobs quiet as he didn’t want to stir anybody into consciousness. This proved to be a daunting task as he kept hiccuping his remorse over and over again, small cries slipping out of his lips.

In the midst of this, he sprung up from his sleeping bag and shuffled vigorously on his knees to his backpack. He began to dig around, except this time he was rummaging around with great urgency; tears wetting his scarred forearms and backpack as he shuffled through it. His breathing was heavy and erratic. Anybody could hear him unsteadily gasping for air like he was going to die, continuing to hiccup as he did so. The only thing he could think about was Flapjack and just how much he wanted to stop feeling this way and to stop crying. For his dearest friend to come back, for Belos to burn, and for everything to be okay, just this once.

His digging got more frantic, objects now being slung over his shoulders and hitting the ground behind him. His first aid kit that he had put together from Luz’s bathroom flew open after it hit the ground behind him. Gauze, bandages, medical tape and wound wrap scattering in the surrounding area.

At this point, he was so lost in his emotions that he wasn’t considering how other people could hear him, he could only think about how desperately he needed to get his turmoil under control, and he knew just how; all he needed was to find his blade before his cries got any louder. How he cursed himself for putting it inside something so small.

Getting to the bottom of his bag, he finally found them. The small green container being snatched with fast yet trembling hands. He slipped up a few times in the process of opening the container; once he did, he ripped his sweater sleeve up his arm and started with no hesitation.

They were fast and uncoordinated. Being so distressed he wasn’t paying attention to how deep any of them were, many of them turning white before any blood seeped out. It was warm on his arm, albeit the pleasant air feeling cool under the night sky. It stung as he continued. Doing it over old scarred tissue proved to hurt a lot more considering how new his biggest, most recent one was. He covered his whole left forearm in gashes before his breathing began to slow; the fog of that familiar cloudiness sweeping over his mind before he finally began to destress. The high was so relieving, a heavy sigh escaping with his body becoming lax soon after. The flow of his tears slowed, but they did not completely stop building up.

Wiping his glossy eyes, he sat and began to unwind with a serious heaviness sitting comfortably in his body. Shuffling his knees across the ground towards his sleeping bag, he got in with his forearm to the side as to not get any blood onto his bed. More of a hassle to clean than he would like it to be; nonetheless, it would be one more thing to clean up. He stared up at the ceiling to his tent in a stupor. Even though his eyes were heavy, he didn't feel physically tired, just heavy and hazy. With a sniffle, a few more tears escaped before he heard rustling in one of the tents nearby.

“Shit!” He thought as fright attacked his body again.

Bolting upwards, Hunter sprung out of his sleeping bag and tried his best to get everything on the ground into his bag, missing things along the way, and getting blood all over himself and his belongings in his panic. With murmuring in the distance, he quickly grabbed the ball of light and collapsed it in his hand to turn it off. He rushed into his sleeping bag covers and turned inwards to the wall of the tent. He tried his best to get his breathing under control, trying to mimic his breathing as if he was asleep. The only thing he could thank Belo’s for, honestly.

He could hear soft footsteps start to head towards his tent, getting louder before they stopped right outside of his tent opening. A beat passed before his tent covering audibly shifted and soft steps stopped behind him. Hunter could feel their presence but he did not dare to give up on his facade.

“I know you’re awake, Hunter.” It was Luz. Her voice was soft and hushed.

Hunter remained silent and continued to pretend he was asleep, making sure to keep his left forearm as close to himself as he could. So much for having one less thing to clean.

He heard some quiet shuffling and feet dragging across the ground before it had stopped. Titan, how much he wished he could just be invisible right now.

“Mama could hear you, she wanted to come over and comfort you but…” Luz paused as she looked at the ground and fiddled with her thumbs. It was so quiet that her skin could be heard rubbing against itself. “...she says it wasn’t the first time this has happened; and I know how uncomfortable it can be having someone catch you in the act.” As soft as it was, her tone alone gave Hunter a very good idea how heavy-hearted she felt right now.

Hunter gave up trying to fool her and sat up, bringing his knees to his chest. Pulling up his right sleeve, he rested both of his arms on his knees, left forearm atop the right. His bloodied forearm feeling cold against the top of his right arm.

“I’m sorry you had to find out like this.” His voice was low, and grim. The guilt was already eating away at his conscience.

“Don’t be sorry, I’m just glad that I know now so that I can help you.”

Hunter remained quiet as Luz stuck her hand in her pocket, pulling out a light glyph.

“I need some light so I can bandage you up.”

Hunter spoke immediately after Luz did, borderline cutting her off.

“I know how to bandage myself.” He met Luz’s gaze in the dark, putting more bite in his words than he would have liked. “Do you think the healing coven tended to any of my injuries as the Golden Guard?”

He could see Luz retract into herself in the moonlight, A heavier rush of guilt swept over him. “I’m..” There was a lull before Hunter continued. “I’m sorry.” More tears rushed to his eyes, enough added to the previous ones that they fell. “I just really don’t want anybody to see me like this.”

“I know, Hunter. I’ve been in your place before.” Luz sympathized and scooted closer to rest a hand on his shoulder. She rubbed through his sweater with her thumb, softly. “I understand your anger too. I know you must feel angry at yourself for waking me and Mama up and causing us to worry.” She chortled dryly before speaking again. “I remember when my mom found me in the bathroom during the middle of the night for the first time. It wasn’t very fun.” She sighed through her nose, turning her attention to the entryway of Hunter’s tent before looking back at Hunter and tentatively pleading to him. “Please, let me help you Hunter.”

Hunter looked up at Luz, he could see her eyes, the moonlight shining on them though the gaps at the top of the tent, making the tears in her eyes discernable in the dark.

“Okay.”

Luz turns her head downward and takes her hand off Hunter’s shoulder. She opens her hand to cast the light glyph. It floats, glows up, and grows from the size of a bead to the circumference of Luz’s palm up into the air. As Luz looks around, she spots Hunter’s medical supplies still scattered across the ground. Hunter shrinks in on himself in embarrassment.

Luz stands up, gathers the medical supplies in the container they were originally in and loops her finger in Hunter’s water bottle handle before turning back to face him.

“Do you have a cloth?”

“I don’t think so.” Hunter replied sheepishly.

“That’s alright.” Luz closed the small distance between them and sat down. She extended her arm to Hunter, scars of her own shining in the glyphs light. “May I see your razor blade?” She asked politely.

Hunter hesitated for a second before turning to the right to grab the slightly rusted pencil sharpener blade where he had set it down. He guiltily averted Luz’s gaze as he placed the small and sharp piece of metal into Luz’s open palm. She looked at it for a second before a striking resemblance in the blade dawned upon her.

“Hunter..” she opened gingerly before pausing to collect herself briefly. “..is this mine?”

Hunter could feel his face begin to heat up as his eyes bored into the ground. “Mmhm.” He drawled, his lips pressed into a thin line, the end of the hum higher pitched than the rest.

Luz took a deep breath, paused, and drew out her exhale.

“Even though you went snooping in my room, it’s okay-” she cut herself off before continuing. “Well, it’s not okay, but, I guess we could be considered blood siblings now!” She joked wryly.

Hunter, albeit still embarrassed, went along with Luz’s sense of humor and laughed stonily at her attempt to lighten up the situation. He sighed as his face cooled off. Luz put down the blade and opened up the water bottle. She turned and slipped her right leg under her left thigh before pressing the mouth of the bottle against her pant leg, some water soaking through and running down her ankle onto the ground. Hunter watched in confusion.

“What are you doing?” He questioned.

“Just wiping off the razor and my hand. I mean I do consider you to be the brother I never had, but I don’t think I need your blood in my system too.” She laughed with integrity while she reached behind herself to grab the blade.

Hunter reciprocated and laughed as well. “I guess you’re right.”

Hunter continued to watch as Luz pinched and rubbed the blade in between the fabric, before taking it out and pinching it in her other hand. She then used her free hand to grab her damply spotted pant leg. Hunter became bewildered again, but before he could ask, Luz was cutting a good chunk of fabric off of her pant leg.

“Luz! Why are you cutting your pant leg?!” Hunter exclaimed as his head shot up and turned to face Luz fully.

“Hunter, it’s okay.” Luz smiled reassuringly while continuing to cut around her pant leg. “Mama won’t mind, she’d understand actually! Besides, I need something to wipe your arm off with so I don’t use so much water.”

Hunter sighed. Titan, as if he didnt feel bad enough!

Once Luz finished, she set the razor down and wetted the now cloth before turning back to Hunter, looking at him expectantly. Hunter looked back with a hesitant expression. He went to gently move his arm. He could feel the blood had become muddy and clotted by now, his thought process being proven correct when the blood formed strings rather than separating cleanly. Luz laughed with her makeshift cloth in hand.

“I guess I’ve been talking too much! It’ll be easier to clean since it’s clotting.”

“You know a little too much about this.” Hunter worriedly stated as he went to hold out his forearm.

“It’s a little hard not to when it started for me three years ago.” She quipped with dry optimism.

Hunter looked at Luz, a bit surprised and concerned before deciding to not say anything in return. With Luz’s free hand, she supported Hunter’s left forearm. Applying the cloth to his upper forearm, she gently rubbed back and forth, unsticking the clots of blood from Hunter’s arm. With his brain fog now dissipated, his arm stung a lot more than he would have liked it to. As Luz continued to rub in the direction of his cuts, Hunter also continued to cringe as he sucked in air through clenched teeth, the air mostly going in through his tooth gap. Luz looked up with a look of understanding as Hunter continued to watch Luz clean him up. Luz moved her hands away from Hunter’s forearm, shaking out the cloth before applying more water onto it and wringing it out to her right.

“If you don’t mind me asking, how did you find out about this?” She asked as gently as she could. She then grabbed Hunter’s forearm again and continued to rub the blood off of his lower forearm as his upper cuts beaded with small amounts of blood.

“Uhm.” Hunter paused, a little uncomfortable. “Well, I was up late one night on your laptop, and I was looking through stuff you had liked on Tumblr.” Hunter said, sounding a little lost in thought.

Luz internally cringed, she regretted showing him furry art on that website and making Tumblr known to him.

“I scrolled pretty far, and I found posts from a couple years ago, I think? They were photos of human’s with blood on their arms.” Hunter stated sunkenly, looking away from his forearm.

Luz stopped rubbing Hunter’s forearm as he continued.

“I was reading some of the things that it said on them, about it, ‘making the pain go away.’ I had been struggling a little bit with some stuff that had happened to me, so I followed suit. I guess over time it just got worse the more I did it.” Hunter looked back at Luz after he finished speaking and noticed how she had stopped. He could feel both of her hands shake on his forearm, as well as something warm dripping onto it.

“Luz? Are you okay?” Hunter asked worriedly.

Luz looked up with tears spilling out of her eyes. “Hunter, oh my gosh.” She rasped. “I am so, so sorry.”

Hunter’s eyes widened as Luz apologized to him. “It’s okay, it’s not your fault! If anything I shouldn’t have been snoo-” She cut him off before he could continue.

“But it is! It is my fault! If I had never gotten so deep into Tumblr you wouldn’t have seen it to begin with!” She quietly choked out.

Hunter could feel the guilt she was experiencing, and he wasn’t sure how to comfort her, or if he even could. He had no idea what to say, and wished he knew how to sympathize with Luz like she could with him. Hunter took his left arm out of Luz’s grip, and scooted closer to her. Leaning in with his right arm, he hugged Luz.

Luz stopped before hiccuping another hushed apology and embracing Hunter, wrapping one arm around his neck, the other under his right arm. Luz squeezed Hunter as hard as she could to try and make it up to him for what she felt she had done. Hunter’s left arm hung to the side as new blood slowly slid down his arm. He really didn’t want to get it on Luz’s white clothing, that was the last thing she needed to deal with right now.

Taking a deep breath, Luz separated from Hunter and grabbed his left forearm again, continuing where she left off. She sniffled as she did so.

“You didn’t cut so much because you felt like it wasn’t showing how much you were in pain, did you?”

The question took Hunter aback. “Titan! No!” He exclaimed quietly. “I was just really distraught. I would never compete with a human like this! Do humans do that?” He asked, shocked.

“Yes.” Luz cried quietly as she reached for the gauze. “I used to. When my mom got me my laptop and I found out about it, it sent me down such a deep hole that I thought I'd never come back from it.” She confided to Hunter as she wiped tears from her eyes with her right wrist, gauze still in hand.

Hunter’s mouth hung open. While he knew he was inheriting her habit, he didn't expect it to have been that bad for Luz. It made Hunter question what kind of thing would even make her go down that road in the first place. As Hunter was thinking, Luz was wrapping up his forearm in bandaging wrap. Before she wrapped the last of it around Hunter's forearm, she secured it in place with medical tape, wrapping it around the bandage to make sure it was secure.

Cloth in one hand, free in the other, Luz looked up, grasped Hunter’s left hand with both of hers and pleaded to Hunter with tears threatening to flood out of her eyes again.

“Hunter. Please promise me you’ll stop doing this.” She drew in a shaky breath before speaking again. "I don't want you going down the same path that I did. You’re already scarred enough." Her grip on his hand grew tighter as she begged.

Hunter stared at Luz for a second, looking into her teary, pleading eyes before nodding.

Luz freed her bottom hand and held out her little finger. "Pinky swear?" She prompted, although to Hunter it didn't really seem like a question.

"Pinky swear." Hunter held up and interlocked his little finger with Luz's, bobbing both their hands in place. To further confirm Hunter's seriousness, he freed his hand from Luz's and put the pencil sharpener blade in its place. Luz looked down before looking back up at Hunter.

"Please give it to mom." Hunter asked, looking at Luz to validate himself even further.

"Okay." Luz said sorrowfully with a gentle smile.

She gripped the small blade in her hand before standing up and collapsing the light glyph. Luz turned to leave, but as she was walking out she turned to face Hunter, even though she couldn't see him.

"I love you, Hunter. Sleep well."

There was a lull, before Hunter replied. It was the first time he heard her confirm that to him.

"I love you too, Luz. Good Night."

Luz left and began to walk back to her tent, her steps starting to fade until she rustled into her tent. Hunter got into his sleeping bag and pulled it up and over his chest and rested his head on his pillow. Luz could be heard murmuring to Camila in the distance. As their conversation went on, it slowly lulled Hunter to sleep.

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