#this is self care this week was awful i deserve this :3

[redgemwink]

guess who just spent 20 dollars on nagisa~

[aforestescape]

thinking about older bf simon x younger reader

content includes: fat simon yummy, afab!reader, short reader, fat/chubby reader, cunnilingus, completely self indulgent

yeah i also wrote this at like 3 am:) enjoy

you meet at the grocery store you frequent. somewhere in between aisles as you’re on the phone with your cousin. talking over plans for the weekend, meeting up for drinks at her place and ordering in dinner and cheesecake. a little ways down the aisle is a tall, broad figure. you'd spotted him a minute or so previously, eyes stuck to him for a few seconds too long. eyeing the way his arms and stomach filled out the material. the barley noticeable flex as he moved to grab his item.

letting your eyes trail up from his stomach, chest, neck, and then finally his face only to realize with a start that he was looking right at you. honeyed eyes trained directly on you. watching you watch him with an intense stare that had you immediately turning out the lane. embarrassment flushing your body a few degrees hotter than normal for being caught checking this man out.

as you end your phone call and enter a new aisle you pass through it, grabbing a snack that’s no where on your grocery list but you deserve a treat. as you reach the end you find what you’re looking for. only three items left and they’re stuffed back against the shell. you roll your eyes in annoyance, rocking up onto your toes as you stretch for it. your fingers grazing over the baggy but not close enough to pinch between your fingers.

you plant back down on the ground, letting out a huff of air. pressing your body into the shelf as you attempt to grab it once again. you’re a little closer to grabbing it now. almost managing before a black clothed arm reaches past you to pluck the item.

simons hulk directly behind you, standing in a black hoodie and his normal mask covering the bottom half of his face. it doesn't hide the scars that liter the rest of it though or the ones on his hands as he reaches past you to grab the bag of granola you'd been trying to get. he steps back slightly and gives the bag to you.

you offer him a smile and thank him, voice quiet as you take in his face up close. you can only see from the bridge of his nose and up. a long scar peeking out from the half skull mask. he lets out a grunt in acknowledgment, turning to walk away before you stop him. you take a small breath, deciding to be brave because how bad could it be to ask?

“er- i hope this isn’t weird to ask, but are you single?”

he’s not expecting the question, staring you down for a few unnerving seconds before telling you that, yes he is single. and after exchanging numbers you spend the rest of the week messaging. his answers are sparse through the day but he tells you it’s because he works security during that time. he asks you about your days at night when you’re heading to bed, enjoying your mundane rambles and work tea over the phone.

you send him a picture before and some videos after you getting drunk at your cousins flat. loud music playing in the background as you down a shot, nose scrunched slightly before grinning at the camera. another of you dancing with a friend? he assumes, both of you with cups in your hand and giggling while you twirl around in her kitchen.

you haven’t known each other long at all in the grand scheme but he’s sure he can get used to this. hearing your drunken laugh and slurred speech as you head to your front door from your uber. still living at home and in your last year of university but he doesn’t care. it appeals to him honestly, your brain and that you’re studious enough to have seeked out higher education of your own wanting. he didn’t, knew it wasn’t something he’d be able to do in place of getting away from his awful home life.

leaving his mother and brother behind, doomed to their fate in order to escape the father who raised him. he praises you for it as the weeks go by and you stress to him about mid terms. over in his flat after classes, sat on the floor of his living room with books spread out. every so often he’ll reach his hand down from his spot on the couch, large fingers smoothing over your head like you’re a pet. petting your head and soothing you in his own way.

he’ll take you out on dates on his days off or pick you up to come over to his. he prefers being inside and smaller places. something he’s glad you accommodate to though really you also prefer to be indoors. date nights consisting of standing in his kitchen, prepping for dinner and talking with low music in the background. smiling and reaching on your toes to give his cheek a soft peck as he loops his thick arm round your waist.

you still hadn’t seen his entire face yet but well, you didn’t care much. it couldn’t be that different and the half you could see was attractive enough. and so was his body. you’d always been attracted to thicker frames. hairy chests and abdomens that cover up fatter tummies and delicious pecs. it both made you go absolutely feral and also made you feel more comfortable with your own thicker body.

having grown into a curvier and chubby body came with the occasional feeling of unattractiveness. it wasn’t true at all, your weight and curves only adding to your beauty, something simon said to you whenever he’d catch the way you’d stare at yourself in the mirror sometimes. leaning down and wrapping his bulk around you from behind. big, freckled and scarred arms holding you flush against him so you could feel the swell of his cock.

he’d kiss up and down your neck through his mask. low and thick accented voice singing your praises while his hands would search and grope the rolls on your body. holding the weight of your breast in his hands and squeezing as you’d moan in his arms. simon letting out a chuckle before kissing you again and keeping on with exploring you. coaxing you into bed where he could spread your plush thighs apart and worship you for hours.

keeping them apart with his forearms as he lapped up your arousal. a pillow under your lower back and your hands caught in the sheets, tugging on his hair, covering your face as you moaned in bliss. simons warm tongue spreading your lips as he flicked the muscle up and down them. letting his saliva pool and add to the obscene noises filling the air of his bedroom while he dined on you.

devouring your cunt, one hand on your stomach. caressing and squeezing and pushing down gently on it. roaming upwards to pluck and tug on your sensitive nipples. making your back arch as you cried out from the stinging pleasure. moaning into your slick cunt as he sucked on your clit. sucking and licking back down to stick his tongue inside your hole.

he’d go on for hours, holding your trembling body and praising you through every orgasm. even as you cried and shook from exertion, plush body covered in a layer of sweat. vision blurred and mind fuzzy around the edges. moans of how good you tasted, how pretty you were, how perfect your body is. all just for him, “just for me, right doll? only i get to eat this pretty pussy of yours. all mine, hm.”

and when he was finally done he’d clean you up. hold you in his arms under the blankets while you thanked him softly. pressing kisses to his chest in your sleepy and fucked out state. the telly on some random cartoon as you both drifted off in each others arms.

in a funnier world simon doesn’t actually help you at the grocers. he reaches past you and just as you’re going to turn and thank him for the hand he places the last of the granola in his own cart buggy and goes about his day. never mind the cutie who was staring at him for some reason?

anyways there will be another part cause i didn’t even get to the scene that made me want to write this🤭prepare for angst in the future hehe

[lilspacewolfie]

Papas Caring For Hospitalized Reader

Spawned from pure self-indulgence. I've been through more hospital visits these last four weeks than I have my entire life. I want someone to bundle me up and make my hand better. I hate hospitals and operations *sobs*. Enjoy nonetheless!

Content: 2k words, Papas x gn!reader, SFW, bullet-pointed format, mentions of hospitals, needles (only mentioned), mention of general anaesthetic, angst, hurt/comfort, anxiety, lots of sweetness, you're getting pampered, no beta we die like nihil!)

This man will do everything in his power to make sure you’re looked after and relaxed. 

Tea for days! He will try different flavours until he finds the one you like.

Dives headfirst into deep research as to which herbs help your injury heal, as well as calm your nerves. He knows his plants well, but he wants to know more. You deserve the best of the best.

Insists on going with you for infirmary visits even when you tell him you’re fine (you’re not really, but you just don't want him to worry.)

He will anyway. 

Chronic worrier, especially given his age. 

He takes his health VERY seriously, yours too! The Ministry has the best medical care around. 

If you need a wound cleaned, stitches taken out, or other medicines, it's the place to get it. 

Primo will be with you as much as he’s able to, even if that means he’s sitting for a long time while you’re being treated. 

When you’re free and discharged—bandaged, bruised and probably feeling sore, he’ll take you back to his room for some TLC. 

Will have a bath or shower with you, (in his jungle of a washroom), depending on what you prefer and smother you with all your favourite scents.  

He’s a deeply caring individual and shows it openly. 

Will speak gently to you, whisper sweetly and ensure you’re not overstimulated more than you have been. 

“Shh, I know. I know amore. It’ll be over soon, just breathe for me.”

He knows how much you hate hospital/doctor visits. 

You can squeeze his hand if you want. 

If you need space for a bit after everything, he’ll gladly give it. 

If not, prepare to receive a lot of kisses, especially on your forehead (a lot of them, like… SO many.)

He will help you bathe if you’re unable to, running a foaming washcloth over your skin carefully. 

Let him wash your hair! It’s one of the things he adores doing for you!

Once you’re washed, warm and feeling more relaxed it’s time for more tea in bed with a snack if you want one!

He insists. Even if you don't feel like eating, try to drink something for him <3

“It will help you feel good and relax, Il mio fiore.” (My flower)

Fluids are important (wink-wonk).

Reminds you to take your meds like clockwork (always with tea and water)

You’re his petalo (petal) and he loves you dearly. 

Will wrap you up in the mountain of blankets and faux furs he has on his lush bed. He’s old, he feels the cold more than others. At least he has you to keep him warm.

Secondo hates when you’re hurt/hurting in any capacity. 

Even if it's something minor, he’ll worry about it to the point where he loses sleep over it. 

He’s a big, brooding mother hen. 

The Emeritus curse of being a chronic worrier doesn’t stop at Primo.

This man wants you to be okay and it kills him when you’re not. 

Will also go with you to the infirmary and stay with you. 

The staff always find him a little intimidating, but they know he’s just worried sick. He’s kind to everyone, but honestly, he won't speak much unless spoken to. 

“Are you alright, mio tesoro?” Is what he mainly asks, his voice so low it's close to a rumble. 

Tries his best to make you feel relaxed. 

Will make really, god-awful dad jokes that are so bad you do laugh. 

He will quietly hold your hand the entire time, rubbing his bare fingers over our knuckles. 

You rarely see him remove his gloves in public, but he HAS to be touching you. He insists. 

He’s had enough knocks and breaks in his life to know how fragile the human body can be, but also how incredible it is at self-repair. 

That doesn’t mean he views you as a fragile thing that needs to be wrapped in wool, but he loves you so deeply he would if you let him. 

He admires your strength and resolve as you put up with being poked and prodded (by needles or with doctors.) 

Once you’re released from care, good luck getting him to be anywhere less than within touching distance. 

You’re getting a kiss. Lots of them. Mostly chaste and gentle. 

You can tell it's because he worries about hurting you. 

He relaxes a bit more when you kiss him HARD and bite at his bottom lip. 

Will also help you bathe and shower. Again, touching distance. Just let him be near you for his own sanity. 

Though he wouldn’t be upset if you need some space. He’s very understanding if you’re overstimulated. 

Will linger outside the door in case you need anything. 

Let him dry you off and dress you in comfortable clothes. He can see you that way. 

He can see you’re still with him and that you’re safe. 

He’ll touch you slowly, running his large hands over your skin. 

Will spoon you once you’re in bed or let you curl into him. 

He’ll bury his nose in your hair, breathe you in and say a wordless prayer to Lucifer that you recover quickly. 

“Ti amo.” You hear him whisper as he presses a kiss to your forehead and strokes your hair.

Only falls asleep once he’s sure you have, holding you close the entire night. 

Terzo. Oh, Terzo. 

Emeritus curse of being a chronic worrier? Check. Turn it up to eleven. 

Unlike Secondo, Terzo is open with his worries. 

He’s a fair mix of his brothers, both gentle and occasionally stoic given the shape you’re in. 

If it's something minor, he’ll try to play it off with a bit of humour like he tends to do. He’ll make bad jokes (oh ho, you thought Secondo’s were bad just wait for this.) 

If it’s something you need an operation for, this man will be silently out of his mind. *insert any internally screaming gif here*

He takes pride in his appearance, but you’ll start to notice cracks—dishevelled hair, a button not done up or a smudge of his paint. 

It would worry you more if he didn’t have Omega or one of his brothers to make sure he’s drinking and eating regularly.

Tries to hide his stress. Fails. Rinse and repeat. 

He doesn’t want you to worry about him, you’re the one in pain, about to be put under and Lucifer… What's he going to do if something happens?

He loves you. Adores you. You’re his life.

He knows how much you hate being stuck in hospitals and it pains him to see you stressed. The last thing he wants to do is add to that, so he’ll play it cool. 

When you go in he’s pacing the halls.

Rest assured, the healthcare of the Ministry has you in safe hands. 

It puts Terzo at ease, but don't expect him to leave your side when everything is over. He will sit at your bedside, kiss your knuckles and stroke your hair. 

Let him touch you. Just let him. 

He’s been through so much heartache in his life. 

Will kiss each of your fingers and whisper sweet words to you. 

“You’ll be okay, vita mia. Cuore mio. I’m here. I’m with you.” (My life. My heart.)

Maybe he’ll hum some songs too. 

You’re his everything. 

Once you’re ready and well enough to leave, you’re getting pampered to hell and back. This man worships the ground you walk on. 

Whatever you want it's not too much. A bath? A shower? Just to get into bed and fall asleep? Terzo’s right there with you.

Dinner in his massive, plush bed with your favourite movie.

When you’re ready to sleep he’ll plaster himself to you. He would crawl inside your skin if he could. 

Fitful sleeper. Wakes up a few times just to make sure you’re ok. 

Eventually sleeps soundly once you kiss his worries away. 

Stroke his hair. He’s a sucker for that!

*Copia is not Nihil’s son in my verses/AUs unless explicitly stated.*

He’s learned bad habits from the Papas it seems. 

Worrier. Yes, it's chronic. Seriously, are we sure this isn’t like the flu?

Paces a lot. 

Good luck getting him to sit still. 

If he's not pacing, he’s as close to you as physics will allow. 

Lots of touching. Will rest his head by your hip if he’s tired from all that pacing. 

Perfect opportunity to run your fingers through his hair.  

He’ll hold your hands and kiss your knuckles. 

All that stress tires him out. 

“Mi dispiace, amore. Non sto aiutando,” he’ll whisper brokenly. (I'm sorry, amore. I'm not helping.)

You two probably end up curled up on the bed of the infirmary together if you have been waiting a while. A nap won't hurt. 

You kiss slowly as you get comfortable, limbs tangled.

The angle is a bit awkward. 

The sleep helps but he’s still going to be stressed when he wakes up. 

Will get you anything you need. A drink or food, perhaps one of the really nice yogurts they do at the visitor's cantine. 

Will ask the nurses and doctors SO many questions. He likes to be informed. Gets stressed if anything is unclear. 

Maybe he should be in this infirmary bed and not you. 

Prepare to be coddled once you’re discharged. 

You’re both taking a long, hot bath or shower. 

He wants to wash you down so he can see you and make sure you’re ok. Lots of tender kisses to your skin. 

Ends up with you in his arms under the hot water just swaying together. 

You’re wearing his clothes. No, not just because he likes how they look on you but because they’re baggy and won't irritate your skin *cough*. Sure Copia. 

He’ll order your favourite food and you can watch a movie in his room together. 

Will mother hen you, constantly ask if you need anything, and make sure your water glass is full. 

He probably will cry. It’s just been so much. 

You can cry together if you want. You both understand. 

Also like clockwork when it comes to medication (if you’re taking any.) 

Curls up in bed with you. You both sleep like the dead after such a long, stressful day. 

Breakfast in bed when you wake up.

*Copia is not Nihil’s son in my verses/AUs unless explicitly stated.*

Copia might not be of the Emeritus blood, but unholy shit does the curse of being a chronic worrier catch like wildfire. 

He’s Papa now he’s gotta be strong. 

Will put on a brave face. But underneath he’s still the cardinal he was years back. 

He’ll worry and fret and pace. There's no changing some things. 

While he’s outwardly less anxious, this poor man has so much weighing on his shoulders after he took over to front the band. 

Inwardly it's chaos. 

His hair is never quite as smoothed back as it normally is and his paint is a touch worn. 

There are some things you can't change about a man. Not really. 

Prepare to be coddled, again. The mother hen has never left the coop. 

He’s going to pamper you when he gets you back to his room. Of course, you’re staying with him, he’s not letting you go. 

So. Many. Kisses. 

This man loves kissing you. He adores you so. 

A bath in his spacious tub is just what the doctor ordered. You lay against him and relax in the dim with only the light of candles. 

Finally lets himself cry. 

You shush him, kiss him and remind him that you love him and that you’re ok. 

He loves you so much he can't even express it. The thought of losing you kills him. 

He tries to push your hands away when you take a cloth to his paint. You’re the one who's been hurt and poked at all day, he’s supposed to be caring for you!

Eventually relents because you both know you need this. 

More kisses and mutual washing. You love seeing how his skin pinkens across his cheek, arms and back. It brings out the pretty freckles all over his body. 

When you both get into bed, tangled up again, Copia will whisper how much he loves you until he’s too tired to talk anymore. 

You both sleep like the dead.

masterlist ⛧ Ao3

[ladykailitha]

Sweet Home Indiana Part 9

Only one more chapter to go and that's the happily ever after.

Lot of talking in this chapter. Steve and Eddie, Eddie and Chrissy, Steve and Chrissy, back to Eddie and Steve. But we get to the most brilliant idea Eddie has had since choosing to marry Steve.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8

****

The drive back to the hotel wasn’t a long one, but it still felt like it had passed by in a single instant.

When he pulled into the parking lot he was surprised to see Steve leaning against one of the pillars to the covered valet parking, smoking a cigarette. His feet were crossed at the ankle and his free hand was holding tightly to the arm that held his cigarette. His head was down, but Eddie could his hair wasn’t styled and his clothes were rumpled.

He got out his rental in a hurry and tried not to run up to Steve so it was this weird loping walk/jog thing.

“Baby?” Eddie called, leaning his head down to try and look him in the eyes.

“Eddie?”

His already broken heart shattered into dust when Steve raised his head. His eyes were red and swollen, his face blotchy with tears, and his expression was shuttered.

“Hey, sweetheart,” he cooed, cupping Steve’s cheek. “What are you doing here?” If Eddie was the cause of another shop closing, he was going to start crying, right there in the parking lot, dignity be damned. “What about the bakery?”

“Robin is taking care of it,” he murmured, “she called in Claudia to help out, the shop’s fine.”

Eddie heart sank further. “But you aren’t. Why don’t we go up to my room and we’ll talk about it, okay?” When Steve didn’t say anything, Eddie backtracked. “Or we can go somewhere else if you prefer.”

Steve shook his head. “No, no. You’re hotel room is fine.”

Eddie wrapped his arms around him and led him to his room. He sat Steve down on the one armchair in the room and poured a glass of water. He got out two capsules of ibuprofen and handed both to Steve.

“Drink up, Stevie,” he gently implored. “Don’t want you getting a migraine because you’re dehydrated.”

Steve nodded and did as he was told. Once he was done, he handed the cup back to Eddie who set it on the table.

“I was making snickerdoodles and started crying and couldn’t stop,” Steve murmured. “I know I’ve been awful to you all week and I’m starting to feel like that stupid Einstein quote or whatever about being crazy.”

Eddie chuckled and ran his fingers through Steve’s hair. “Crazy is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result?”

Steve nodded and then leaned into Eddie’s touch. “I’ve missed you so much, Eds.”

Eddie knelt in front of him and kissed his forehead. Steve let out a shuddering breath as the sobs threatened to choke him.

“What did you do to me that I didn’t deserve, Stevie?” Eddie whispered. “I left you, kept running when I could have come home, demanded a divorce, came to town and shook up your life and was just going to blow out of it again, never to be seen again? After all that, what did you do to me that wasn’t in self-defense?”

Steve let out another shuddering breath. “Kevin is just a pool buddy. We aren’t dating. I haven’t dated since before you. I couldn’t. You’re everything to me and I don’t know what I did to make you hate me.”

Eddie frowned at the name before he realized it was the guy he saw flirting with Steve his first night in town.

“I don’t hate you, baby,” he murmured. “I never hated you. I was so scared that I would be stuck in this hick town my whole life. I wanted to see the world. I wanted to meet new people, but I never stopped loving you.”

“But Chrissy?” Steve asked, tears slipping down his cheeks. Eddie right there with him with his own tears.

“She needs a visa to stay in America,” Eddie said his voice shaking with each word he forced past his lips, “and if we don’t get married by a certain date, they’ll ship her off back to Barbados. She’s my Robin, Stevie. She’s my Robin.”

Steve’s eyes went wide as he gasped. There wasn’t anything in the world that he wouldn’t do for Robin, even a lavender marriage if that’s what it would take to keep her safe.

“Oh.”

Steve threw himself at Eddie and pulled him in for a big hug. “Oh, sunshine,” he breathed. “That’s horrible. Of course you need to marry her, to keep her safe. I’m sorry you’ve been carrying this around like a millstone around your neck.”

“I’m sorry, Stevie,” Eddie wailed. “I am so sorry.”

They slunk to the floor in a crumpled heap as they cried together.

Later they would get on the bed and just hold each other. But for now, they cried in each other’s arms and held on for dear life.

****

Eddie woke up for the first time in years feeling well rested and comfortable. His phone was also blasting “Hot Blooded Woman” as loud as possible.

He rolled over to grab his phone but was met with a warm body and face full of honey colored hair.

Eddie smiled and stretched over Steve to grab his phone.

“‘Ello?” he muttered, trying to keep his voice down.

“Eddie!” Chrissy shrieked. “I’ve been calling for the last ten minutes! Why didn’t you pick up?”

Eddie pulled his phone from his ear and stuck a finger in it to clear it out. “Chrissy, not so loud.”

“Well, I’m sorry if I’m freaking out that you weren’t answering your phone, Edward,” she huffed.

Eddie slid out of the bed and grabbed the room key on his way out of the hotel room. “I was sleeping, Christine. I’ve had a very emotionally wrought day and was exhausted.”

There was silence on the line for a moment or two before he got a very chastised, “Oh.”

“I’m sorry, Ed,” she murmured. “I was having my own freak out and completely forgot about yours. That was fucked up, I’m really, really sorry.”

Eddie sighed and leaned against the door. “It is what it is. Why were you calling?”

“Um...” she hedged. “It doesn’t sound so dire in weight of your shit, so...”

He chuckled and shook his head. “Now you’ve got to tell me.”

“So, um...” she hedged a little more, “I called the bakery to see if I could talk to Steve and see if we could work out custody of you or whatever, but he was busy.”

“Snickerdoodles.”

“Yes!” Chrissy hissed. “Wait! How did you know?”

“Steve came to the hotel to see me,” Eddie explained, “and told me he had been making snickerdoodles when it just came over him that he just had to see me.”

“Cute,” she said and Eddie could see her tilt her head to the side in his mind, something she’d picked up from him. “Anyway! I’ll talk more about that in a minute. I need to freak out.”

Eddie shook his head fondly. “Continue.”

“So this really cute sounding girl picked up and wouldn’t let me talk to him because apparently their giant stand mixer eats phones!” Chrissy explained.

“Let me guess, you’re freaking out about the cute sounding girl?” he murmured.

“Is–is she Steve’s girlfriend?” she asked shyly.

Eddie burst out laughing. He laughed so hard that Steve opened the door and looked down at him. “You okay there, Eds?”

He nodded, pursing his lips together. “Would please explain to Chrissy that Robin isn’t your girlfriend, please? Please?”

Steve rolled his eyes but took the phone from Eddie’s grasp.

“Hi, Chrissy?” he greeted.

“You must be Steve!” she chirped happily. “Nice to meet you at long last!”

“Likewise,” he said fondly. “Robin Buckley is my partner in a lot of things, but as a staunch lesbian, she isn’t anything but my platonic soulmate.”

He pulled the phone from his ear as she shrieked. Eddie looked up at him with the biggest grin and made grabby hands for his phone. Steve handed it back.

“Oh my god!” Chrissy cried. “If I wasn’t set to marry you, I propose in a heart beat!”

“I never took you for a U-haul lesbian,” he teased her.

Suddenly everyone stopped stock still.

“Oh shit,” Eddie said scrambling to his feet. “That’s it!”

“I’m calling Robin!” Steve cried, diving back into the hotel room.

“Get on a plane, darlin’,” Eddie told Chrissy. “I think we just solved all our problems.”

“Eddie...” Chrissy breathed. “Do you think this will work? What if she says no?”

“She won’t,” he reassured her. “And even if she doesn’t agree today, she will once she meets you face to face.”

“This is insane, Ed,” she muttered. “I don’t know.”

“Babe,” Eddie breathed. “Jeff is already out here for his parents’ wedding anniversary. Brian lives in Indy, and I bet I could convince Gare to be on a flight faster than you can book your own flight. You’ve already told the immigration lady that you were coming down here to the wedding anyway.”

She sighed and took a deep breath. “Okay, but now I’m freaking out for a different reason.”

Eddie laughed. “Because now you’ve got meet the pretty girl on the phone?”

“And is she?” Chrissy asked. “Is she pretty?”

Eddie went searching through his phone for the pictures he took during his week here and found a good one of Robin and Steve at the bar. He sent it to her.

“Stevie is hottie on the right,” he told her, “and Robin is cutie on the left.”

There was silence on the line for a few moments before Chrissy breathed. “Right, two things. One, I think you’re an even bigger asshole for leaving that behind, by the way.”

Eddie bobbed his head side to side. “Yeah, that’s fair.”

“And two holy fuck,” she hissed. “I would go down on my knees begging her to marry me even if my immigration status wasn’t the fucking sword of Damocles hanging over my head, right now.”

“Someone packing her bags yet?” he teased her.

“Look, babe,” Chrissy said seriously. “I was already packing my bags to meet your scaly white ass out there in Bumfuck, Indiana, it’s just going to be a more enjoyable experience is all.”

“See you soon, Chris.”

“I’ll message you my flight details as soon as I get them.”

“Right-o,” he said and hung up.

The door to the hotel room opened up again and Steve leaned against the doorframe.

“Robin thinks it’s a great idea,” he said softly. “One of her schools was already out there in Washington, so this makes the choice easier. Plus, this means she won’t be alone in the city like she thought she would be.”

Eddie got to his feet and put his arms around Steve’s waist. “This only clears up seventy percent of the problem.”

Steve frowned and tilted his head to the side. “What do you mean?”

Eddie cupped his jaw tenderly. “I still have a life out in Seattle. I want to be here with you, but there is so much to do before that could happen.”

Steve draped his arms around Eddie’s neck loosely. “I know that, Eds. I wasn’t expecting a miracle cure. So the only thing I need to hear from you is that no matter how far apart we are, that you’ll still love me.”

Eddie pulled him in for a hug and they stood there, half in the hotel room and half in the hall, just taking comfort in each other.

“I promise you this, Stevie,” he whispered in his ear, “that I will move heaven and earth to find my back to you. Something I should have done a long time ago.”

Steve shook his head. “No, I think we both needed to grow up before we could properly be together.”

Eddie let out a contented sigh. “Yeah, I think you’re right.”

Steve pulled him back inside the hotel room and Eddie closed the door behind him.

****

Part 10

1- @rozzieroos @itsall-taken @redfreckledwolf @ravenfrog @zerokrox-blog

2- @gregre369 ​@a-little-unsteddie @chaosgremlinmunson @messrs-weasley @goodolefashionedloverboi

3- @val-from-lawrence @carlyv @wonderland-girl143-blog @irregular-child @mac-attack19

4- @bookbinderbitch @bookworm0690 @anne-bennett-cosplayer @yikes-a-bee @awkwardgravity1

5- @littlewildflowerkitten @genderless-spoon @dragonmama76 @ellietheasexylibrarian @thedragonsaunt

6- @useless-nb-bisexual @disrespectedgoatman @counting-dollars-counting-stars @tinyplanet95

7- @blackpanzy @amazing-spiderkeys @oldpinghai @raisedbylibrarians @kultiras

8- @swimmingbirdrunningrock @steddie-as-they-go @captain--low @micheledawn1975 @thespaceantwhowrites

9- @blondie1006 @stripey82 @w1ll0wtr33 @mcenziehughes

[gentlebeardsbarngrill]

02/24/2024 Daily OFMD Recap

TLDR; Cast&CrewSightings; Samba BTS; David Jenkins; Rhys Darby; Damien Gerard; Guz Khan!; SaveOFMD Crew Billboard; AdoptOurCrew Saturday Sillies; Making A Difference; Articles; Love Notes; Daily Darby/Tonight's Taika;

Been a long Saturday yall. Hope you enjoyed the BTS and general clown/honking going around!

== Cast & Crew Sightings ==

= Samba Schutte Feat. David Jenkins! =

Samba's back with more BTS for us today!

This time the Crew Shoutout is for Chaos Dad himself: David Jenkins! So good to see Chaos dad having such a great time BTS. We love you David!

Videos on Tumblr:

Video 1

Video 2

Video 3

= Rhys Darby =

Rhys decided to take it up a notch today on his Tiktok/Instagram and tell... someone they've created a monster. Who might that be?

== Damien Gerard ==

Our crew-mate @patchworkpiratebear got a Cameo from our lovely Father-Teach, Damien Gerard! There's a bit of a story behind it, see below! Cameo link

== Guz Khan! ==

Hey! It's been a hot minute since we've seen our friend Guz Khan-- and now he's showed up on a cat! Good to see you sir!

== Save OFMD Crew ==

There have been questions raised about the billboard that the SaveOFMD Crew have been posting teasers for on their socials. The Crew had a meeting today wherein they discussed the concerns of the fandom, and have taken that feedback to heart. They are currently working on a clear information packet regarding the logistics of the current billboard efforts. They have kindly asked for your patience while they finish putting those last touches together!

== @adoptourcrew Saturday Sillies! ==

Our friends over at @adoptourcrew were kind enough to set up a new Saturday Sillies this week! This time they made custom OFMD Wordles! There were WAY too many images to include in the recap, so if you'd like to check them out, please visit the tumblr post below!

Wanna play? You can visit a tumblr post here

== Making a Difference! ==

Thank you to everyone who contributed to, or shared the fundraiser for Trans Pride Brighton! They've finally met their goal and can stay open another year! You made a serious difference in the lives of trans and non-binary folk in that community!

== Articles ==

Deze HBO-serie is gecanceld, maar had een 95% op Rotten Tomatoes

Schwule Romanze zwischen Piratenkapitänen

== Love Notes ==

Hey lovelies. I hope you had a fun Saturday/Sunday wherever you are. I know some of you are already closing out the weekend. We made it through another day-- and there's all sorts of action going on across all the platforms. I hope you got a chance to have fun, but also to rest. I know you know this, but even though I do too I often forget it. Rest is so very important. It's so easy to burn out, especially when we're constantly exposed to so much online. I think to myself "oh it's fine I'll just get a few more things done" and then it's suddenly 3 hours later and I've had only 4 hrs sleep in the last 30. Please please please give yourself self care today. Go brush your teeth, or take a shower. If you feel like you can do more, brush your hair, or make yourself a nice cup of tea. Do something for you that makes you relax and feel rested. On your last day of the weekend, make sure to take a few moments to yourself and just remember how awesome you are. You may not feel like it sometimes, but I can tell you now you truly are Awe-some. You bring so much life and love to this world and you deserve all beautiful things you want. Anyway, I'm very sleepy and I'm rambling again (what's new). Sleep well and enjoy your day lovelies, see you tomorrow.

== Daily Darby / Today's Taika ==

I'm being lazy tonight again yall. Just two goofy gifs that caught my eye, sorry I am running on fumes. Tomorrow I'll try to find some themed ones for ya <3

Rhys Gif: Courtesy of @fandomsmeantheworldtome

Taika Gif: ohnotheydidnt.livejournal

[dckweed]

here's part two of jake and babygirl, i'm actually really really in love with them and it may or may not be because i constantly have baby fever. anyway, im thinking about making this a fun lil series that you guys can send in any prompts or requests for that come to mind ! silly, angsty, fluffy whatever doesn't matter, just figured that since this started off as a request that i could continue on its life that way as well..

i want to be completely honest with you guys, for the past two months now i have been in eating disorder treatment 3 hours a day 6 days a week..as of this week, ive been stepped down to 3 hours a day 4 days a week and will be completely stepping down from treatment by the end of the month..this has taken up alot of time, and alot of attention and typically by the time my day is over i am completely spent and mentally drained and haven't been putting much effort into you guys, but as part of my treatment i am going to start posting at least twice a week (if not every day) as a way of self care, because fic writing is genuinely a form of self care for me.

thank you for being patient with me, and please feel free to send in asks!

warnings: pregnancy! jake being completely soft for his babygirl but also being completely angered by her situation..morning sickness mentions, food aversion mentions, just floofy fluffness okay? use of y/n once, but other than that is just babygirl as usual. not super long but i love it. part one

'STAY WITH ME, PLEASE..' jake 'hangman' seresin

A week into your vacation Jake had convinced you to go to an obstetrician after learning that you hadn't seen one yet, concerned for your health and the health of the little thing in your womb, whom he was already attached to, even if it wasn't his. It was there that you learned that you were almost eleven weeks along, Jake sat in the room with you, holding your hand as the ultrasound tech dims the lights. He squeezes it as she squirts more warm jelly on your tummy than you thought necessary and digs the wand in at an uncomfortable angle, moving it and the gel around your skin. You were just barely showing signs of a baby bump, and you were shocked to find out just how big the baby actually was by this point.

"How is it already that big?" Jake asks exactly what you were thinking, making the tech chuckle. He was in complete awe, there was really a tiny little being inside of you, you were growing a life form and there was nothing more beautiful than that to him in that moment.

"They grow so much faster than you realize," The woman says, a pleasant smile on her face as she stares at the screen, typing a few things in with her free hand, Jake noted from his position that they were measurements. "Would you like to know the sex?"

"Yes!" He blurts out before you could even process the question, you stare at him eyebrows furrowed, confused as to why he was so eager and amazed by something that he hadn't helped create. You thought it was wonderful though that your best friend was wanting to be so involved and caring despite your situation.

"Well, dad, you're having a little girl.." She says, catching you off guard by the mention of Jake being the dad and by the fact that you were having a daughter. Jake squeezed your hand, and even in the darkness of the room you could have sworn that he was a little teary eyed.

"Isn't that amazing, babygirl?" He asks, looking over at you. Your eyes are glued to the screen, not bothering to correct the woman on Jake not being the father, it was a difficult situation to explain and you weren't quite sure you were up for it today. Tears form in your eyes as you think about the little girl growing in your womb, who would never know her daddy. You had to admit that that was probably a good thing, he didn't deserve either of you if his initial reaction was to just leave and never come back.

You knew Jake felt the same way too, you didn't even have to ask.

"This all feels like such a fever dream.." You say softly, your head leaned against the window of his truck as he drives through the streets, away from the obstetricians office. You had a print out photo of your baby in your hand, staring down at it as you rubbed your stomach absentmindedly, your mind running in circles.

"Why's that?" Jake asks, glancing over at you for a mere second, not wanting to take his eyes off of the road for too long.

You look at him, wondering if he realizes just how fucked up the situation is. "Jake, I am pregnant..my boyfriend, the father of my baby left me because he swore i was a whore and that you were actually the father, and that was before i even knew for sure that i was pregnant.." You say, word vomit spewing from your mouth before your brain could even process what was happening. "I've just found out that i'm having a little girl who's not going to have her daddy in her life, and honestly good riddance but..but..oh my god Jake what am I going to do? This wasn't part of the plan..my daddy is going to be so disappointed in me..oh my god my mama would be so fucking upset..."

You hadn't even realized that you were crying, or that you were starting to panic, the weight of the situation fully sinking in on you. "Oh my god Jake, she's never gonna meet my mama..oh my god.." Jake doesn't know what to do, but he knows he can't let you keep crying like this. He pull's over into a parking lot, right at the beach and near a bunch of shops, pulling his truck to a stop in the first empty spot he saw. There are tears streaming down your face at this point as the thoughts of your father and your dead mother run around in your head, he had never seen you like this before but he knew that it was probably just the hormones.

"Hey," He says, his voice soft and sweet, his warm body encompassing yours as he slides across the front seat towards you, having lifted the center console up. He unclips your seatbelt and pulls you towards him, holding your head against his chest, your ear pressed right where his heart is. He had done this with you a thousand times before, the sound of his heartbeat had always brought you back to earth when you would have moments like this. "you're okay, i got you babygirl, i always got you.." He whispers, his lips moving in your hair as he presses a soft, comforting kiss to the crown of your head. Somewhere, in the back of your mind, you wondered if he knew that these were the things that made you feel like he loved you in more ways than he let on, the things that gave you the smallest glimmer of hope.

You close your eyes, listening to his heartbeat and the slight rumble in his chest as he whispered things to you, slowly but surely calming you down. After a while you let out a shaky breath, your eyes opening to see the people milling about the small shopping center. "Where are we?" You ask, voice thick from the crying. Your head hurt and your eyes were heavy, you wanted to go back to his apartment and sleep, preferably in his arms, like you used to when you guys were younger.

"We're not too far from home," He says. Home..You liked the way that sounded coming from his mouth, it was always nice to hear it. "Do you want to get out and walk around? Go sit on the beach." You shake your head, sniffling softly. He kisses the top of your head once more, rubs your shoulder with his large hand. "Okay babygirl, let's go home..you look like you need some rest." He wasn't wrong, between the morning sickness that had been plaguing you in recent days, and the stress of everything, you hadn't been getting enough rest.

You manage to stay awake for the rest of the ride back, letting the gentle breeze through the open window soothe you. Jake doesn't say a word, but you see a look on his face, his eyebrows furrowed like he was thinking really hard about something. "Jake?" You ask, turning to face him, wondering what was on his mind.

"Stay." He says, looking over at you as he pulls up to his apartment building, the truck rolling to a stop. "..I..You should be here with me, you should've been with me from the beginning, but I was too chickenshit to man up and ask." You're shocked, and start to open your mouth, wanting to stop him. "Let me finish, damn it!"

"I haven't gone a day without talkng to you or thinking about you since the day I met you, and it's not just because you were my best friend, because you always will be that, no matter what, it's because i've been in fucking love with you since day one. And maybe i'm dumb because it's taken me so long to realize it, because everyone i've ever dated knew it but dammit i know it now, and have for a long time.." He rambles, you're unsure of what to make of this, your brain still processing that you were hearing him correctly. "I..know that this isn't the ideal situation, and i know that that little girl isn't my blood, but dammit i don't care because i already think of her as my kid, and i have since i found out..I can't let you walk away, not without knowing how i feel..I want to be with you through this, and through everything else in life so i can take care of you the way that you deserve, because Y/N, nobody else in this world is ever going to love you like i do.." You feel yours well with tears and subconsciously you pinch yourself, hoping to god that you weren't dreaming. "So stay with me, please.."

"Oh, Jake.." You whisper, tears spilling once more from your eyes. You can't make any other words come out of your mouth so you just nod your head and you watch his body sag with relief before you unbuckle your seatbelt and rush forward into his already waiting arms. He squeezes you tight and presses a long kiss to the top of your head as you hiccup.

"Hey, no more tears, babygirl, okay?" He whispers, leaning your head back as he brushes the tears away with his thumb, you lean into the embrace, a smile gracing your lips as your arms go around the back of his neck.

"They're happy tears, i promise.." You say, leaning forward to press your lips against his. You had though about this moment so many times in your life, and none of your wildest dreams had every prepared your for the real thing. Jake kissed you like a man starved, his hand on the back of your head, fingers scrunching up in your hair as he presses you as hard against him as he can. You groan at the possessiveness of it, pulling back after a moment to catch your breath. You can't help but let out a chuckle, leaning your forehead against his. "You picked one hell of a time to finally fucking say it, Seresin."

"Hey! You could've said it first too you know!" He says and you can't help but laugh, relishing in the way he smiles at you.

Jake & Babygirl taglist: @bellaireland1981 @sky0401 @memoriesat30 @bat-luna-cat @memeorydotcom @mayhemmanaged

[360iris]

Was finally brave enough to start ACOSF and put my fear aside of this one being where I’d begin to legitimately hate the IC because I really like Nesta, esp in ACOFAS—

but the book got a lot easier when I decided to take their anger towards her with a grain of salt. PLUS I accepted that Feyre understands her sister better than anybody else in that fucking universe (Pre-Valkyries of course, because I haven’t gotten to them yet.)

Nesta loves, and hurts, and hates too much…. She is both unintentionally overly sensitive and purposefully ruthless.

A key note about Nesta though, is that she spits vitriol at everyone because it is safer and easier for her to have every single fucking person in her intimate vicinity hate her, than it is to love AND TO LOSE THEM!

She gets to the point where she even does the heavy lifting for them, she presents herself in her worst form and internally goes: “See? Aren’t I awful? Don’t you hate even the mere sight of me? I sure do. I am a piece of shit that doesn’t deserve your time, or your care, or your consideration. I hate me. So you should hate me too and fuck off already.”

At the end of the day, I wish people gave more grace to people who purposefully self isolate, self harm, and forceably push others away.

It is a defense mechanism. A shitty but odd, sickly form of a self-soothing coping strategy for control and power when you have none else in the most meaningful areas of your life.

And on a lighter note, I wish people actually enjoyed bitchy women more in media! Nesta is so fun without even trying to be.

And it’s even funnier that these immortal beings, who have lived 500 to 10,000 YEARS, manage to let a 25 year old with the size and attitude of a wet, 3 week old kitten get them so fucking unreasonably angry at her.

She’s a baby in comparison to you, dude. You are basically beefing with a toddler, my guy. That isn’t funny to you? It’s funny to me.

[crowscanread]

Chapter 3: Calm Waters, Troubled Depths (Sneak Peek)

"You smell absolutely awful!"

Tord blinked. That’s what Matt was concerned about. His odour was the last thing on his mind, and frankly, the least of his concerns. The weight of almost everything else still lingered over his head. Furthermore, he couldn't muster any amount of energy to care about something as trivial as his smell.

He raised his organic arm and gave it a sniff. “I smell fine.”

"That’s because you’re used to it!" Matt whined, his nose wrinkling. "You reek of smoke, sweat, and sadness!”

Well, that was putting it bluntly.

Tord couldn’t help but smirk at Matt’s candour. "Are you seriously gonna force me to take a shower?" His words dripped with sarcasm as he crossed his arms, trying to maintain his usual air of defiance. As much as he secretly appreciated Matt’s concern over his well-being, the idea of being fussed over like a helpless child made his skin crawl.

"Indubitably!" Matt declared, grabbing his hand and pulling him away from the hallway. "And you need much more than just a shower. You need..."

Tord could see the gears turning behind the redhead's eyes. The two stood in silence while he pondered for a moment as to what Matt could possibly be planning before his eyes lit up with an idea.

Oh no...

"I got it! I prescribe you a proper night of pampering!" Matt proclaimed, "I'll run you a nice warm bubble bath with candles and epsom salts."

The Norsk had come to learn that Matt would often indulge in days dedicated to self-care but judging by his eagerness, it seemed he had never had the chance to treat someone else the way he treated himself. This was Matt's opportunity.

Tord stepped back at the thought of such an intimate and vulnerable experience in their new relationship, "On second thought, the shower sounds just fine—."

"Nonsense! You have been basking in that smelly room for days.” Matt teased, “Plus, it’ll be fun!" He took a few steps down the hall to his master bathroom, as the main one only had a shower.

Tord didn’t follow. It wasn't that big of a deal; the last time he bathed was... a while ago, a week maybe? Perhaps, Matt was right, as he often was when it came to personal care.

He glanced around the main room, feeling the grease and grime between his fingers and fingertips. Amid his inner turmoil, a faint voice whispered from the depths of his sanity that he deserved at least a little care. However, the plea was swiftly overshadowed by the cacophony of conflicting thoughts of hesitation.

The Brit turned to see Tord still standing there, a sly smile spreading across his lips. "Oh, come on," he said, marching back over to the Norsk.

Tord realised a little too late what was about to happen. “Wait, Matt—!”

And just like that, Matt effortlessly scooped him up into his arms again, carrying him like a child. Tord was about to protest but once the redhead’s warmth soaked into his form he found himself unable to resist that captivating smile.

[gaysindistress]

Things that I think would happen if Bucky dated an Egyptian!reader

Based on this request from @aesthetic0cherryblossom

disclaimer: credits to original creator/poster of image/gif. found on google/Pinterest

1. Bucky has always been fascinated with Ancient Egypt 

American Egyptomania is what they call the time of renewed interest in the culture of ancient Egypt that happened in America in the late 19th century and early 20th. Like I mentioned in my first Arab reader headcanon list, with Bucky being from Brooklyn it’s likely that he experienced more diversity than most. Also with how social he was, I genuinely believe that he would’ve experienced more than Steve. Anyways his exposure to ancient Egypt would have come from the many museums in New York that were a part of Egyptomania however his knowledge about “modern” Egypt would have stemmed from his interest in the first world war. Egypt had a significant but forgotten role in the war and with his dad dying during basic training, I can see him having a special interest in it and thus learning more about Egypt. 

Now, fast forward to 2023 a form of self-care for Bucky would be going to museums and essentially re-learning everything that he spent years reading about as a kid. And we know that he was a reader because he read the Hobbit when it first came out in 1937. It didn’t become mainstream until almost 3 decades later in the 60s so that would lead me to believe that he read literally everything that he could.

Back on track now, these museum trips are a way for him to catch up, as well as feel connected to who he was before. 

Since he is tied to D.C. thanks to his government mandated therapy,  he goes to the Smithsonian more than any other ones. He loves the Eternal Life in Ancient Egypt exhibit more than anything, and he visits it all of the time. 

Once again, this is where you come in. You two didn’t meet at the museum but instead literally ran into each other as he was leaving therapy. He was in a terrible mood and ran straight into you, spilling your coffee all over your white shirt. He felt awful and apologized profusely but you weren’t concerned. 

“I don’t even like this shirt anyways,” you told him with a smile that made him swoon. 

After that, he’d see you every week after his appointment and he slowly started to look forward to Dr. Raynor. She made a comment about it which he quickly shut her down saying that “maybe our sessions are helping or maybe I just want to get out of here.” She reminded him that she could extend his court mandated appointments if she thought it necessary. 

Finally he worked up the courage to ask you out and offered to buy you a new shirt. You accepted and told him that lunch would be a better replacement. He let you pick the place and you took him to Fava Pot, the only good Egyptian restaurant aside from your kitchen. 

The two of you talked for hours about everything and nothing at all. Slowly the topic of you being Egyptian came out and it took everything in him to not lose his shit. Before he could stop himself, he told you all about how he’d loved Ancient Egypt growing up and how he’d go to the Smithsonian almost weekly to look at the exhibits. At first you did say a word but then the giggles erupted for you, causing everyone to look at your table. You grabbed his arm and drug him out of the restaurant without a word about why and the poor guy was so confused. 

You finally explained that you would give him a real tour and alas your weekly museum dates were born.

2. Your culture is hard for him to grasp at first. 

Important note for this hc": there is a very old and heated debate about whether or not Egyptians are Arab. While I’m Arab, I’m not Egyptian and not at all qualified to even touch that debate. With that being said, the cultural differences were specifically requested so my hope is that this section comes across as neutral in regards to that debate. If it doesn’t or i get something wrong, please correct me. Everyone deserves accurate representation.

As I said in my first Arab!reader list, there is a lot of misinformation about the Middle East and North Africa which makes research very difficult. The above debate is a prime example of this. Bucky tries really hard to do as much research as he can on his own so that he can surprise (and impress) you but ultimately has to ask you. He takes it as a personal hit that he can’t do everything in his power to understand you better because you’ve done that for him. However you remind him that he’s an Avenger and literally has biographies written about him. 

“Rouhi, no one is expecting you to be a walking encyclopedia. Let me help,” you said in a gentle tone one night when he was getting frustrated with whatever show he was watching. 

“That defeats the purpose of me learning about your culture. I should be able to do it on my own,” he threw back from the couch where he’s laying with the cat that he definitely didn’t want on his chest. 

“You can do a lot of other things on your own. You’re a big boy, you’re 107! This, however, is difficult for anyone and I’m more than willing to help.”

He glared at you for calling him that and for pointing at his age but his gaze softened when you dropped onto the ground next to him with a plate of food. After that, in addition to your Arabic lessons, the two of you play trivia so he can learn more. It’s really you quizzing him on flashcards and every one he gets right, he gets a kiss. The arrangement works out in both of your favors really. 

3. The more serious your relationship gets, the more Egyptian traditions/norms he incorporates into your life. 

This starts out with little things like taking his shoes off when he walks in. With time he’ll start adding more things like visiting your family as often as you can as a couple and bringing some sort of gift, usually sweets or the chocolates that your dad loves. During dinner, he’ll make sure to get a second plate and leave a small amount leftover. He’ll change how he compliments you by making an effort to compliment specific things like how your hair looks that day or how he likes when you wear black. He’ll also start showing gratitude when you compliment him by responding to a compliment on the same thing. For example, if you tell him how good he looks that day, he’ll tell you that you look radiant. If you’re Muslim, he’ll add “Allah Yen’im ‘alik” which is how you wish someone Allah’s blessings (from my understanding). 

Eventually he acts more Egyptian than you when you’re with your family and your mom will not let you forget it. She’s always telling you that Bucky is such a good man and how he’d be the perfect son in law. Those conversations are usually followed by her asking when you’re going to get married and looking him dead in the eyes to make her point clear; hurry up and propose. Ever the charmer, he’s able to rely on that Brooklyn sweetheart that lives inside of him and move the conversation to something else. Of course, your mom knows what he’s doing but she’ll allow it because she can feel the proposal in her bones (and it never hurts to have that brilliant smile directed at you.)

[pragnificent]

Anyway when I was 17 (so like I said, literally 23 years ago) I bottle raised a Rottweiler puppy, and I knew I couldn't keep him bc I was moving out soon and I already had a big dog.

My aunt asked for him, and even tho she was (and is) a shitty person* I thought it would be good to keep him in the family so I could check-in.

Aunt told us to "come take this dog" like four hours later.

So then Ken, my father, said that he wanted to give the puppy to one of his co-workers (they were nurses) who had a kid, but for some reason that I cannot explain in retrospect, that idea upset me and I dug my heels in about it, and insisted on giving him to the humane society because they knew best how to find a good home.

And like, I basically said that to the humane society worker when I surrendered him, and they looked at me weird but didn't say anything to me against that idea.

And like, Ken was so fucking mad at me for that. Like hurt-angry. And he's been dead since 2019 but the last few months I just like fucking get fixated on this particular situation with the puppy and the possibility that maybe I gave him REASONS to hate me and the issue wasn't that he he was an abuser but rather that I was a mean crazy bitch that was impossible to live with.

Which, objectively, I know that I would IMMEDIATELY dismiss as BS if someone else said it to me, even if that person had only gone through a 10th of the shit he did, but guess what??? My brain hates me and my emotions are never ever Valid even if everyone else's are!

And ALSO, like, I know at least some of the reasons why I was resistant to give the puppy to his friend were like... Not based on nothing. I was at the hospital they worked at when I had my spinal surgeries and just... Terrible traumatic experience. I got an infection in my incision bc the nurse spilled a bed pan on it (and the wound care for that was probably the most painful thing I've ever experienced) and I remember listening to a baby down the hallway SCREAMING for what seemed like FOREVER bc the nurse couldn't get a vein.

And like if you have never heard a little baby SCREAMING in pain just be happy that you haven't.

And like ALSO Ken shockingly was not a good judge of character, and I can only remember meeting a couple friends of his that weren't Awful... Like the first time I heard the n-slur out loud was from one of his friends and also a couple years before Ken died one of his friends tried to murder -suicide him by grabbing the steering wheel while Ken was driving. Crashed the car so hard that it was totaled.

But yeah. Just gotten fixated lately (actually, I am self aware, whenever I'm PMSing) that

1.) I was a Bad Kid actually (I am Aware that even a Bad Kid did not deserve all of that) and that I gave him Valid Reasons to hate me.

2.) That I Hurt and Upset what MIGHT have been a Nice Lady with a Nice Kid by refusing to give him the puppy, and in the process cheated him out of a Nice Home.

3.) That the puppy might have, for some reason, been euthanized rather than adopted out. I know this is unlikely, he was a healthy ten week old puppy that at least seemed to be purebred and very adoptable... But like shelters struggle so much to have room.

Anyway, that was my entirely too long vent post... I'm going to go play Ark now.

* She's full-on Qanon now and abandoned her children, one of which was still a minor and the other had multiple kids and a drug problem, to go live in a desert compound out west.

[cxcewg]

This will go down like a lead balloon with the person who has been messaging you, but the sanctimonious attitude all over social media toward Lando this weekend is every bit as awful as anything he did or said.

99% of those people, including I would put money on the person who has been messaging you, could not have cared less about that trophy before it got broken and I can guarantee knew nothing about its origin or worth and yet now they are acting like he deliberately smashed it against a wall and then personally insulted the artisans. Half the F1 fandom including a lot of the people who have been sending him abuse on social media, were calling it ugly and saying it looked like an urn and should be used for grandma's ashes last week. That is far more disrespectful toward the artist and company than anything Lando did. Not once did he or Max or Red Bull aim any of their jokes toward the artist or the company or the trophy itself. Their jokes were purely aimed at each other.

He apologised to the company who said they weren't angry at him and know it was an accident. They are the only people who deserve an apology. He doesn't need to send them a five page handwritten note self-flagellating himself and publish it on social media for the satisfaction of a bunch of jackals who would then only tear him apart for being 'insincere' or 'only doing it for pr'. He found out how much time went into it and what it meant and he said sorry to the people who made it. He owes nothing else to anyone else, regardless of what those who sit in self-appointed moral judgement believe. There is a nothing wrong in pulling someone up in a polite way or having an opinion that someone is being bit of an ass. However sitting on their high horses and passing judgement and acting like someone's faults makes them the worst person in the world and demanding public apologies for mistakes (I'm not talking bigotry or hate here obviously, that's a different thing entirely, I'm talking the kind of faults that EVERYONE has, yes even those of you who act like self-appointed moral judges) does not make those sitting in judgement good people. Quite the opposite in fact. It's one of the worst parts of online culture, this pitchfork mentality where people go on self-righteous mob crusades. It says nothing good about the people who do that.

The stuff on the radio - EVERY driver gets rude on the radio. They are driving at huge speeds with adrenaline coursing through their bodies and have engineers wittering in their ears often at the worst possible time when they are trying to concentrate. I can promise you that not a single engineer in F1 cares or takes it personally when a driver gets snappy. F1TV only play select radio clips, usually ones that either are important in terms of the race or they think the commentators can turn into some kind of drama. Lando, Lewis and Max are three of the drivers who fall victim to this more than others and every time it happens, people go on a tirade about them being rude whiny awful people and yet in reality they are the 3 drivers who have the best driver/engineer relationships on the grid. They are genuine friends with their race engineers, they have worked with them for years andt their engineers love them. That should tell these judgemental people how much anyone cares about people snapping or getting stressed on the radio in F1 but no, it apparently makes them the devil incarnate.

The comment about the backmarkers - it may have sounded rude but in that instance he was absolutely right. Yuki held him up for almost two minutes, passed 17 blue flags and had to be told 3 times by his engineer to move out of Lando's way before he finally did so and even then he made Lando go out on the marbles to pass him. Checo made up 3 seconds on Lando in that time Yuki was quite frankly being an ass. Magnussen and Zhou were also very slow to let both Lando and Checo past (Checo also complained about it after the race) - not as bad as Yuki but they also held them both up for the best part of a lap allowing Lewis to hone in. People dragged Alex every which way last year when he did the same to Charles in Monaco and Charles said something similar on the radio to what Lando did, and everyone went with 'poor Sharl, evil Alex', but because it's Lando who said it, he's the villain not the guys who almost ruined his race. Not one of those drivers was fighting for anything at the time - they were alone on track, nobody anywhere near them, them getting out of the way would have cost them nothing but some dirty tyres for a lap. Lando (and Checo as well) had every right to be angry.

As for the absurd 'he was so rude about Lewis' carry-on - No, he wasn't. All he did was stated facts. There is something about certain parts of Lewis's fanbase who for some reason lose their minds when anyone points out he has been in front-running cars for the vast majority of his career and even when he has had cars that are not so great, they have not been backmarkers, not even the 2009 McLaren despite what they try and claim. I watched that season, I can promise you it was not close to the slowest car on the grid. Nobody is putting Lewis down by pointing this out. Not Lando, not other drivers in the past who have mentioned it, not the media, not other fans. They are simply stating facts. Max openly says he wouldn't be where he is without having the best or one of the best cars and his fan readily admit it as well, and he spent more time not in front-running cars than Lewis ever did. But when it comes to Lewis, his fans cannot accept the same is true. There have been times in the last 18 months where Lewis has carried on like he is driving a 2021 Haas. Yes he's used to having the best and it's all relative, but can you imagine how galling it is for those who are truly driving cars that can barely fight for p15 week in week out to hear him moaning about having a car that is still capable 90% of the time for fighting for high points scores and podiums? I can promise you they all think far worse things about Lewis and his woe is me comments than Lando's jokes about Lewis never having fought over 19th & 20th. There was more than one race this season where Oscar and Lando were doing just that, where they were dead slowest car on the grid. Also Lando adding "it's the one thing I've achieved that Lewis hasn't" is not a dig at Lewis, it's a self-deprecating joke about himself and how awful McLaren were in the first part of this season.

Lando has joked about this stuff in front of Lewis before. Lewis is not offended. Lewis doesn't care. Lewis likes Lando and his sense of humour and actually knows him and chooses to spend time with him. He's a grown man with his own agency capable of making his own decisions about who he likes and hangs out with. He does not need a bunch of chronically online people with massive parasocial relationship issues getting endlessly offended on his behalf. There is a reason he liked that awful twitter fan's tweet saying she would unfollow him if he posted the selfie he took with Max and Alonso and then posted the selfie a few minutes later. He's not proud to have those people as his fans. He's too polite to say it directly, but knowing what we do of Lewis, I have no doubt he finds them disgusting and has no interest in being associated with people like that. If they think he would admire them or thank them for behaving as they do and going after people he likes and respects like a bunch of rabid dogs in his name or in his behalf, then they know nothing about who he is.

Sorry this is so long, just really needed to rant about all of this. Some people's behaviour in the last couple if days has been abhorrent - far worse than anything Lando has ever done.

please let it all out :)

first of all A-freaking-men.

but this is exactly what im saying, they'll find any excuse to target him. they didn't give a shit about the trophy until it was broken.

to be honest, it's funny how friendly all the drivers are (i can't think of one driver relationship that is bad right now) and how the fans are just at each others throat constantly.

and the backmarkers thing is something that needs to be repeated. lando got held up for almost TWO MINUTES. as an athlete i empathize because i get frustrated all the freaking time and i say things that i wouldn't say if i wasn't chock full on adrenaline.

but thank you.

[bluedalahorse]

Stuff related to anxiety and jury duty behind the cut. I hate adulting.

I had a bad experience with jury duty a few months ago that made me spiralingly anxious and occasionally quite self-hating a few weeks afterward. I wasn’t actually required to be on a jury that particular day but the judge made me postpone and pick a date within a certain time frame, instead of just dismissing me. I ended up picking Wednesday of this week, with a great deal of worry because I didn’t have all the information I needed to make that an educated choice. Now that I am coming closer to it, the anxiety is increasing again, and it’s making my brain, well… a pretty bad place to be actually?

My biggest fear right now is they’ll force me onto a trial that ends up being way too long, and I’ll miss my graduate school residency (which begins on July 12th and is absolutely 100% mandatory for my degree, cannot be missed.) Trials in this court are supposed to last about 3-5 days on average, so if things go like they say on paper, I’m in the clear, but when do things ever work like they say on paper? Missing my grad school residency means not doing my fourth and final semester and delaying my graduation until January 2026 at least, missing the trip I was going to plan in summer 2025 to celebrate my graduation, etc etc etc. It may even mean not getting a degree at all, because I go to art school, and there’s been enough administrative fuckery lately with my school that I’m worried it will—like many art schools recently—close abruptly and without warning. I have reached out to my school administration and asked if they want to write a letter on my behalf, and I’ve gotten some response, but I’m worried they won’t give me what I need in time and that a judge won’t believe me anyway when I bring up my education concerns.

My smaller fears are just… I guess… all tied to the disruption of routine that would come from being on a trial. And the worries of like, having someone’s situation in my hands to judge, and being surrounded by other people who are judging me. It’s pretty much guaranteed to make me overthink things, even if the trial is about a more minor crime. I do have slower processing speed, I do need to move around every half hour, I do need particular sensory accommodations, and all of these things would affect me, and yet!

I suspect 90% of this is my neurodivergence + generalized anxiety combo at work, and I suppose it is very real, but my dynamic disability imposter syndrome is really, really screaming at me. Like, oh, what do you mean you can get into one of the best writing programs in the country but you can’t handle a simple adult responsibility like jury duty? No one likes it, you’re not unique! Suck it up! Who cares if you have AuDHD? That’s what the awful part of my brain is saying to me. It is telling me that my disabilities are no excuse to feel this way, that other people’s disabilities are more “real” and that my life is a piece of cake my comparison. My brain also tells me that I’m a hypocrite, and that if I take civic duties as seriously as I say I do, I should be having fun and jumping for joy about this.

And then having made those comments, the mean part of my brain rolls in and starts in on its other greatest hits. If I can’t keep a room clean as a goddamn adult, then I don’t deserve to have a comfortable living space that’s the right temperature, so no use having anyone look at your likely broken air conditioner. I don’t deserve to write fanfiction because I haven’t worked on my original fiction at all and I don’t like the “correct” characters in my fandoms anyway, and I don’t deserve to write original fiction because I’m the worst at my IRL job. Actually, I probably don’t deserve a place to live at all! Or friends! Or anything else!

The mean part of my brain is, as it happens, a liar. It’s also a loud one.

Anyway. Thank god for yoga in a few hours. I think that may help with the intrusive thoughts for a short time but I would really, really, really appreciate it if this jury shit could be resolved in an expedient, friendly manner so I can just breathe out and focus on other stuff.

[uni-studyjournal]

ESC week.

14.05.2023

This week was hard mentally. Biology took up almost all of my study time: I listened to some lectures to take extra notes and I started doing some schemes. I also reviewed chemistry. As my knowledge grows, my anxiety increases and my self-confidence falters. I’m trying to keep my many expectations under control. Some days I didn’t study very much ‘cause I watched every live of Eurovision Song Contest. That’s a great show. I love the atmosphere of it, we europeans all together watching the same thing at the same time. My top 3 were Sweden 🇸🇪 (her victory made me so happy aw 💗 love her), France 🇫🇷 (mother) and Finland 🇫🇮. Please let me know yours too <3. The saddest thing about these shows is letting go of the artists I care about and getting back into my routine. Indeed, today (the day after the Grand Final) I’m so full of adrenaline and consantly distracted, I find it very hard to detach myself from that atmosphere. These days I also took a break from reading due to my anxiety; when it increases, I can read very little. So I haven’t made any progress in my current reading (📖The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry), even though I’m almost done. 

Productivity:

took biology notes

made some biology schemes

reviewed chemistry

Selfcare:

cooked for my family: a lemon plumcake (May 7th) and risotto alla pescatora (today), a Southern-Italy seafood risotto

walked a bit while buying my father’s Birthday present

managed to order a bouquet of flowers for Mother’s Day

📸 Current reading (📖The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry) + homemade lemon plumcake + one of my fav quotes from the last book I read (📖Carol by Patricia Highsmith)

🎧 Song of the day: Tattoo by Loreen ‘cause she’s a queen and she deserves it all 🫶🏼

[sammyisfat]

My dad had 3 surgeries on his kidneys, one died, one is functioning at 10% and he had a massive heart attack. All in the last 2 weeks, we are prepping him palliative care. Just keeping him comfortable.

So as mindless thing I started watching Vanderpump Rules, and I didn’t want to pay for the Hayu subscription. So in Feb I watched season 3-10. And seeing Katie, who is not a perfect victim, who suffered from PTSD and TBI from falling through a skylight and be in a relationship with someone like my ex has been very triggering for me.

But seeing Katie’s growth has really inspired me. As someone with ptsd, bpd, clinical depression, adhd, and chronic pain. And being in an abusive relationship with someone who saw me at my lowest and took advantage but couldn’t handle when I decided to start healing myself and putting me first and coming out my fog from a manic bpd episode caused by trauma from my hysterectomy.

My ex cheated, he lied, he gaslit me, he was awful to me but he was the Schwartz type. So good at making you think oh, he’s just a poor awkward puppy. But he had a dark side, the things he would say in heat of moments or even out of no where was insane to me and genuinely scared me. And I had never been in a relationship with someone like that. It was terrifying in hind sight. Seeing someone say they love me to treating me how Schwartz would Katie and then yell she deserved it because she was being tequila Katie.

When I watch Katie, I see with the right support system, with patience, and self love. I can heal from those things, I can move forward. I will find joy again, I will be able to accept the mistakes I’ve made and grow from them. Even if others want to throw my mistakes in my face.

I’ve been taking DBT so seriously, and I’m 8 weeks in. And I’m seeing the benefits and fruits of my labour by trying. And I know it’s just a show. But as a women who has gone through what I have, it’s nice to see her come out on top.

[bonesandthebees]

BONES HOW THE FUCK DO YOU WRITE SO FAST. I WAS OFF THE INTERNET FOR LIKE 2 WEEKS AND THERE'S 3 WHOLE NEW CHAPTERS TOTAL WHAT THE FUCK /nsrs

ooh we've reached the twist part of the kimi no na wa plot can't wait to see how tommy's going to react to this /lh

i love all the little mentions of their character quirks like tommy's texting style and wilbur setting self-care reminders for tommy. i love all the differences in how wilbur and tommy talk and carry themselves and how those little things make it so clear whenever they're bodyswapped. i love tommy's narration about him getting attached to wilbur and his family and living a life that wasn't his own. jhgkdf it's all so <3

and glass divine!! bones you've done it again. how do i keep falling in love with all your wilburs, they're all so delightfully complex and very very fucked up /pos

before the escape attempt there's this whole contrast between the pythia's outwardly bitchy attitude and his inner desperation for clara's guidance and also for the deathlings to just do something about him already. which is entirely fair considering he doesn't even know what they want with him or what their limits are. being bitchy is his only way to both oppose them and to test those limits himself.

(i've read enough sbi adoption fics to recognize that just-get-it-over-with-and-hurt-me sentiment. it's typical fanfic wilbur behavior lmao)

also i love how wilbur's immediate concern after the escape attempt was that he's failed clara. as in he thinks clara wanted to him to escape and that he's failed her by not escaping. wilbur your life and your decisions don't belong entirely to clara wilbur please—

oh glass!wilbur. this bad boy can fit so much fucking guilt and frustration in him <3

the newest chapter has so many banger lines too!! 'Waiting for Clara to grant him Her Guidance once more, even though he didn’t deserve it.' 'At the very least, the tears might wash off some of the dirt on him.' 'If I were to refuse Her calling, it’d be as if I was refusing the reason I breathe.'

i just. i. hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhfuck

and then there's the final lines of the chapter:

[“Okay,” he murmured, nodding to himself. “I think I get it now.”

The Pythia wasn’t sure why, but he got the strangest feeling Tommy didn’t understand what he meant at all.]

pythia: yeah my sole purpose is to carry out my goddess's will and nothing else

tommy, internally: Now We Don't Have Time To Unpack All Of That

LMAO I'm in a very weird life situation rn but it's giving me a lot of time to write so I'm not that upset about it. hence why you're getting so many chapters from me in such a short span of time.

aw thank you!! yeah strings is very interesting for me to write because I have to come up with creative ways for the two to interact and bond, and also show what characteristics carry over even when they're switched. also this wasn't really explored in the movie, but I always got the sense that taki (the tommy equivalent for those who have never seen it) really bonded with mitsuha (the wilbur equivalent)'s family because of his own distant relationship with his father. I thought that worked really well for tommy and wanted to explore that side of things, which makes for some really bittersweet narration on tommy's end.

i'm so glad you're enjoying glass divine too!! glass!wilbur is SUCH a mess i love him so much. writing complex versions of wilbur is one of my favorite things lol he's such a fun character to play around with

before the escape attempt wilbur was completely at a loss for what to do. he felt like he failed his goddess and wasn't getting any guidance for her, and he was in an extremely stressful situation, so he was lashing out in any way he could to try and find some control of the situation. he has no idea what their plans for him are or where their limits are, so he just has to keep testing them until he hits a wall.

of course his first thoughts after being caught are that he failed clara. she's the only reason he went so far in his escape attempt. if he hadn't had a vision of attacking tommy, he would never have had the nerve to go that far with it.

LMAO thats literally the last lines. tommy is just like "now we can't unpack all of that right now" because that is just a Lot to process.

I'm so glad you're enjoying so far!! love hearing peoples thoughts as always!!

[monstergoblin]

The Owl Pirates Chapter Nine

First Chapter Tumblr Link HERE Previous Chapter Tumblr Link HERE Posted First On A03 Here  It’ll be updated on A03 first and might take me a bit to get to updating it here as I always seem to forget about my tumblr. <3

 Trigger Warnings Always Read Safe: Depression, Suicidal thoughts, Pushing down feelings, Overworking self to ignore feelings, Child Abuse (Belos is a bitch okay), Gaslighting, Self Gaslighting, Manipulation, Injuries

Notes: Chapters will slow down on the posting as I might not have a s much free time soon <3 but I have been obsessing over this au I think it shows.

Chapter 9: Crime and Punishment

Hunter sat under the stairs awaiting his fate. It was cold on deck but he was told to stay out here. He deserved to be cold. Not like being cold really mattered once he faced Edas wrath.

       He had been careful to avoid Edas bad side. He didn’t want to see Eda angry. She was a pirate she had to be capable of far worse punishment than Belos ever did- And Hunter knew those could be scary.

       Hooty had taken to perching above Hunter going on some story about something, but Hunter hadn’t been listening in the first place. It was like the owl was completely unsympathetic to the fact Eda was probably going to have his head.

       It had only been a week how did he screw up so fast.

       No wonder uncle saw him as useless.

       He would die then. Simple as that. He might be tortured for answers - but Eda had already said she didn’t think he had any- and then he would die. 

       “And then Luz punched the bitch in the face. Man did he deserve it too, kept calling me annoying. Could you imagine. Me annoying.” Hooty kept going from above Hunter's hiding place.

       It made Hunter wonder if Hooty was their form of torture.

       “Anyway we got out of their super fast but not without a few extraaaas. I bet you were wondering when Camila joined the crew hmmmm!” Hooty cooed. “Well Luz-”

       Hunter froze when the owl stopped talking.

       It meant someone had made it back to the ship.

       Eda was back on the ship.

       He couldn’t breath as he crawled himself deeper under the stairs. It was pointless he knew but it felt better.

       “Oh I was just getting to the good part.” Hooty whined.

       “Too bad. up up.” Edas sounded mad- or at the very least fed up. She gave the navy boy a chance- a chance Hunter was supposed to use but he was always good at messing everything up.

       “Aw okay.” Hooty flew away with the fluttering of wings.

       “Okay kiddo.” Edas face appeared in the gap of light Hunter had. “You’ve got two choices. We talk here, or we talk in my quarters. If I were you I’d take the second one, I’m happier in my quarters.”

       She was mad.

       Hunter was dead.

       He slowly crawled out trying to come up with some way to get out of this situation, but he couldn’t leave. There was no chance of Belos taking him back now, more of a failure than he already was. But he couldn’t really stay either.

       “Lilith, Fetch Camila.” Eda snapped to the woman who had walked up with her. 

       Lilith gave a little nod before disappearing to find her.

       The silent walk to Edas quarters was like Hunters walk to a guillotine. Except he wouldn’t die in front of a crowd, no he was already supposed to be dead anyway. If he was to die by Edas sword, so be it.

       Eda held the door open for him and then motioned him to sit in one of the chairs. She herself took her seat in the captain's chair then put her elbow on the desk to support her head in her hands.

       “What were you looking for?” She demanded clicking her nails against the desk annoyed.

       “I don’t know.” Hunters voice was a lot quieter than he planned for it to be.

       Eda raised an eyebrow and scoffed. “You don’t know.” She leaned back in her chair and crossed her arms. “You don’t know. You came into the captains quarters and don’t know what you were looking for?”

       Hunter couldn’t bring his eyes to look anywhere but his hands in his lap.

       “At least have a plan before you do something stupid.” Eda sighed. “You can’t break into the most wanted captain's quarters without a goal in mind. What were you even trying to do? Get something to use against me? I thought you figured that out already, knucklehead.”

       She knew he was planning something the whole time.

       Of course she knew Hunter was a terrible liar everyone always told him that.

       “Look, you don't have to look so pathetic.” Eda stated. “I’m not going to kill you over this.” 

       Hunter dared to look up at Eda. She truly didn’t look angry. She just looked disappointed? Or maybe annoyed? 

       “Everyones been keeping an eye on you. We both know you know that. We knew you’d do something stupid it’s in your blood but there is one reason I’m not throwing you overboard right now kid.” Eda explained. “And it’s not because Luz has hope for you- that girl is pure hearted but naive. No, I’m keeping you alive because Camila has a damn point.”

       What would Camila have a point about Hunter?

       “We’ve been talking a lot about you Hunter.” Eda kept on. “She has this way of realizing things that I’m too busy to see. It’s how she became my first mate. Something happened to you Hunter, and you have every right to be upset about it. Not everyone can survive being tossed into the sea.” Eda sat up straight now and looked Hunter in the eye. “You told me to just kill you when you arrived. Are you still wanting me to do that?”

       “Doesn’t matter.” Hunter grumbled. “I’m supposed to be dead anyway.”

       “So you want me to kill you?” Eda asked.

       No- Yes?  

       No he didn't but he was supposed to be dead and his only chance was to turn them in but he screwed that up didn’t he. If he was going to get kicked off this boat they might as well just do him in now. It would be better dying by a pirate's hands then his uncles.

       Hunter nodded.       

       “Then why are you crying?” Eda sighed. 

       He had been so focused on answering and listening that Hunter hadn’t realized his vision blurring. His breath catching. His lungs hurting.

       “I gave you plenty of gold to buy things and passage out of here.” Eda explained. “But you clearly stuck around. You don’t have anywhere to go huh?”

       Hunter dug his nails into his arms trying to will himself to calm down. It all felt so pointless if Eda had been on to his poor excuse of plans since the beginning. Why did they let him stay? Why not just toss him back in the water?

       “Eda?” Camila entered through the door and was quick to close it as she looked at Hunter. “Oh, pobre nino, “ She leaned down next to Hunter's chair and put her hand on his arm.

       Her touch burned but not in the way Hunter was used to. It burned because it felt wrong. He should be being punished and she was being soft. Soft, kind, gentle. He wanted her to let go but he also wanted to believe whatever trickery this was.

       “What did you decide, captain?” Camila asked with a hint of disapproval in her voice.

       “Haven’t decided anything yet.” Eda sighed. “He is too much of a mess for me to actually decide, you’re the better mother here, what's your input?”

       Hunter closed his eyes both to hide from whatever decisions the woman came up with and a poor attempt to stop his tears. He was better than this. He shouldn’t lose his composer like this. Uncle would be disappointed to see him behaving in such a way. Uncle would be disappointed to see him alive.

       He could help the hiccup of a breath he took and could only hope that wasn’t going to make the two women more angry.

       “Hunter, look at me.” Camila ordered.

       Hunter was ever an obedient boy. Her gaze wasn’t cold and harsh, no her eyes were soft and she had a small smile on her lips. 

       “Why did you sneak into Edas quarters?” Camila asked. In a soft voice. How was she supposed to get answers like that? 

       The tactic was very effective however.

       “It was stupid.” Hunter whispered.

       “Yes it was.” Camila sighed as she let go of Hunters arm and turned to Eda. 

       “Yeah.” Eda shrugged. “He didn’t have a plan.”

       “Clearly.” Camila took a seat in the third and last chair in the room. “How about dinner for a month?”

       No dinner for a month? That wasn’t death. Sure, Hunter would much rather they hit him or screamed at him, but he could live without dinner for a month. 

       “Can he even cook?” Eda looked over at Hunter.

       Cook?

       “You know what, I think it’s fine. Just, only adults helping him in the kitchen. I still don’t trust you not to try and steal the knives.” Eda leaned back in her chair. “You break into my quarters again and the punishment will get worse.”

       That was it? Cook dinner for a month? What was the catch? He broke into her quarters, the captain's quarters. Surely this was getting off way too easy.

       “Oh and we’ll have to keep up the shifts on watching you.” Camila added. “Was looking forward to not having to schedule that but it looks like you still need watched.”

       “Better get used to your babysitters.” Eda smirked.

       Hunter couldn’t help but sit there shocked. This was wrong. This was a trick? A trap? 

       “Why-” He started. 

       Why were they letting him stay?

       “I don’t know how they do it back at the navy. “ Eda shrugged. “I heard stories from Lilith about the strange ideals of it, but I run my ship my own way. It’s worked out so far, so don’t be the exception. This is your warning to not go looking for trouble, little owl.”

       “If you hurt anyone, Hunter, we will not forgive that.” Camila stated as she eyed the boy with a curious raise of her brows. “Perhaps it's time you think about if you really want to betray the people giving you a home?”

       “I’m still going to permit you to walk around Bumps docks with the other children. If you need more gold for passage I understand that, but you are still welcome to stay.” Eda stood up and walked around to open the door. “Now you’re free to go. If you do stay, your month of dinners will start tomorrow.”

       As Eda swung the door open and held it for Hunter. Lilith stood on the other side as if waiting. She had a smug look on her face as if she was happy Hunter got in trouble.

       “So?” She asked with a little look to Eda.

       “He’s going to cook dinner for a month,” Eda shrugged.

       “What?” Lilith looked appalled. “Eda, he's clearly against us.”

       Eda sighed and looked at Hunter. “Run along back to the crew's quarters.” She gestured with her head towards the door.

       Hunter was quick to jump up and obey- before she could come to her senses and change her decision. He squeezed past Lilith and practically ran with how fast he moved his legs.

       “What are you thinking?!” Liliths voice carried as she scolded Eda. “He could kill someone, he kills pirates everyday!”

       “He’s a kid, Lilly.”

       Hunter was glad to be out of range of the conversation. It felt unreal the whole interaction. Pirates were stupid, he was so lucky pirates were stupid. If he did something like this back home he’d get a proper punishment. He could help make dinner. That’s easy. 

       He didn’t immediately go into the crew's quarters, he was going to- he didn’t want to risk actually invoking Edas wrath upon him, but what if someone was in there and he was still a mess.

       He sat in a corner near the door trying to calm himself down.

       It was silly. Why did he feel so relieved?

       Maybe he still had a chance to make Belos proud.

-------------

       “So that’s it then! You’re just letting him stay?” Lilith shouted, she seemed to think raising her voice was proving her point. “He’s still loyal to Belos Eda. We can’t have him here. What if he stabs somebody. What if he kills somebody.”

       “We’re not giving him weapons.” Eda shrugged. “Besides you can’t honestly expect me to kill the child.”

       “At the very least send him away.” Lilith folded her arms. “You didn’t see him in action, Eda. He’s dangerous. He’s killed hundreds.”

       “So have we.” 

       “It’s different,” Lilith huffed. “We’re fighting to free people.”

       “And we’re doing a hell of a job with that aren’t we.” Eda snapped. “Besides, I remember Miss Prissy kissing Belos' ass not too long ago.”

       “I didn’t know he was insane!” Lilith defended.

       “And you think the child does!?” Eda was thankful the words shut Lilith up.  She stood opening and closing her mouth like she kept trying to find words. 

       “It’s different.” Lilith insisted.

       “Yeah?” Camila had been sitting quietly until now. She was not a fun person to make angry. Eda respected that. “Clearly it’s different. This is his uncle. Look at how that boy behaves. Something is wrong, you can’t ignore that!” She snapped.

       “He is a spoiled brat.” Lilith argued with not as much bite to her voice as before. She was realizing her mistake. Was actually listening now. Camila had that effect on people.

       “He’s covered in scars, put into a position of power at such a young age and he was thrown overboard.” Camila counted on her fingers. “What am I missing? Sure, he’s killed so have you Lilith. We took a chance on you, why would we not take a chance on this child?”

       Lilith kept her mouth shut, she looked to the ground away from both Eda and Camila.

       Eda loved having Camila in her corner. Most of the time it was Camila telling her she was stupid. Despite everything going on in the world, Camila always was more grounded then the rest of them.

       “Look Lilith, we know the boy is dangerous.” Eda put a hand on her sister's shoulder. “He broke into my quarters looking for some dirt on us, but he didn’t really have an idea what he was doing.”

       “So he claims.” Lilith sighed.

       “I’m worried he’s going to do something too.” Eda assured me. “But it would be wrong to throw the boy back into Belos' hands. Especially when he doesn’t want to go.”

       "I may have acted rashly.” Lilith agreed. “But I’m not going to let my guard down.”

       “Neither are we.” Eda smiled.

--------------

       Her feet pounded loudly up the gangway as she reached the top with a little hop. 

       “I win!” Luz declared throwing her hands in the air in victory. She looked back to see Willow not far behind her and Amity close on her tail. Matt however was taking his time keeping up, poor boy.

       “You guys are back late.” Gus was sitting on a barrel near the gangway waiting for them to return. 

       “We stuck around the whole show.” Luz explained trying to catch her breath as she leaned against the barrel. “How about you? You never miss a Hexside night.”

       “Hunter wasn’t up to it.” Gus shrugged. “There will be more.”

       “Beat you.” Willow smirked as she made it to the top looking back at Amity who was only a few steps behind.

       “That’s only because I tripped.” Amity sighed.

       “And who went back to help you?” Willow mocked. “I would’ve beat Luz too if I hadn’t.”

       “Hello.” Gus beamed as the two girls made it to the top. “How was Hexside?”

       “Fun as usual.” Willow took a place near the barrel to sit. “Matt complained the whole time.”

       “Sounds like him.” Gus chuckled.

       Matt made it to the top of the stairs last. He looked upset he had taken the longest but he was the one who denied wanting to race at first and got a slow start. 

       “Why were you not there!?” Matt accused, pointing a finger at Gus. 

       “Hun-” Gus started.

       “Where is the stupid navy boy anyway.” Matt looked around trying to spot the blond boy. “He takes up so much time and then doesn’t even want to have fun. What's wrong with him?”

       Luz could see Gus' amused chuckle under his breath. Matt had not wanted to go to Hexside his first night in Bumps port either. Now he looked forward to it even if he didn’t want to admit it. He wasn’t exactly good at hiding his true intentions.

       “Leave him be, Matty.” Gus hopped down off the barrel. “He’s had a long day.”

       “All days are the same length.” Matt complained but listened to Gus anyway.

       “Well you guys also missed a little- commotion.” Gus waved his hand trying to find the right word. 

       “Yeah? I was going to ask Eda about it.” Luz looked towards the captain's quarters. The light was still on so that meant Eda was up. “What happened?”

       “Hunter snuck into Edas quarters.” Gus explained. 

       “Oh?” Amity had taken to leaning on the railing. “Is that all?”

       “Lilith caught him. Scared him pretty good. Stuck Hooty on him too.” Gus shrugged. 

       “What was he even looking for?” Willow wondered.

       “I don’t know. He didn’t want passage out of here.” Gus explained. 

       “Is Eda kicking him out?” Matt asked, he almost sounded concerned. 

       “Nah, just more chores I think.” Gus shrugged. “He fell asleep outside the crews quarters and I haven’t had the heart to wake him up yet.”

       “Huh.” Luz let herself slide down to the ground as well. “Somethings up with the boy.”

       It didn’t need to be said. The whole crew already knew that. Had said it multiple times.

       No one could explain what was up with him. Only assume it had something to do with Belos or his near death experience. 

-----------

       “So Hunter, what will it be?” Terra towered over him with a grin. She always enjoyed the sick twisted things in life. Playing with emotions was one of her favorites. That's what this was- right?

       “You don’t have the authority.” Hunter stated crossing his arms. “I’m still technically your superior even if assigned your first mate this mission. You wouldn’t dare cross Belos.”

       “He was the one who ordered your death.” Terras grin somehow grew wider. “So how would you like to die, little dog?”

       A wave crashed over Hunter and he was back in the water. The cold powerful water watching IvyThorn leaving him to die as he struggled to stay afloat on the particularly rainy night. 

       He didn’t know why he was even fighting anymore.

       Hunter gasped for air shooting straight up in his hammock. 

       How was he out of the water? How was he alive? Where was he?

       He looked around as his sleepy state faded and his memory of the past week became more clear.

       He hadn’t remembered getting in his hammock or falling asleep. The last thing he remembered was sitting outside the quarters trying to calm himself enough to enter. 

       Someone had put him in his hammock.

       He wasn’t a helpless child; he didn't need someone to carry him to bed.

       It seemed everyone else had already left the quarters except for Perry who was snoring in the corner. He must’ve been on night watch. Hunter was careful not to wake him as he changed into some of his new clothing. He threw Edrics old outfit into the pile in the corner-that he would have to wash later.

       It did feel a little nice not wearing someone else's clothes. An outfit that he picked out. Plain black pants, a cream shirt and a yellow vest to match his uniform back in the navy. Back before he was left in the water and the outfit now unaccounted for.

       Hunter wondered if it was Edrics clothes he had woken up in then, and if Steve still had the uniform. He was too afraid to ask.

       He peeked out of the quarters before he left. In case someone was waiting out there to jump him and tell him he indeed was not off the hook for his stupid attempt last night. However no one confronted him.

       Even as he walked onto deck looking around to see Gilbert and Harvey having arranged a few barrels near the gangway so they could play cards while watching whoever entered or left. Hunter could only assume they were supposed to be watching for him now- but Eda had still given him the option to leave.

       Not that it mattered, his only option was to try to capture her or Lilith. 

       If he could pull that off which was looking doubtful.

       Not like he had a choice but to keep trying.

       “Perhaps it's time you think about if you really want to betray the people giving you a home?”

       Pirates were tricky to deal with. Twisting words to make it seem like he was in the wrong here. He was just doing a nearly impossible task for the greater good. Pirates deserved to be betrayed, hung and hunted after everything they’ve done.

       “You’re awake.” King sat above the doorway that led down to the lower level to get to the crews quarters. “I was wondering how long you were going to sleep.” He picked himself up with a little huff. 

       “Gus went with Matt today and Edric with Emira.” King hopped down narrowly missing landing on Hunter.

       “Okay?” Hunter backed away from the child, he felt safer around him when Luz was the main focus point. Hunter still didn’t know exactly if King was mermaid or siren or something else.

       “oh and Luz went with Amity.” King grabbed Hunters hand and started to lead him up the stairs. “So Willow told me to wait and watch for you. Eda wants them to be more strict about keeping eyes on you, but she thought watching you sleep was creepy.”

       Hunter followed the creature- as he wasn’t in any place to fight him. Especially not with him being Edas pets and he was not going to do anything else to piss off Eda.

       Willow was on the upper part of the deck moving barrels around. Why Hunter didn’t know, She seemed to just be boredly going through them.

       “I got him!” King announced as if it had been a hard task. 

       Willow raised her head from the barrel she had been looking in. “Oh?” She smiled. “Thank you King.”

       “You better get me something amazing!” King declared with a little stomp. “I’m thinking a big crown, or a cape.”

       “I’ll get you something good.” Willow patted Kings head as she passed. “You ready to go?” She asked Hunter with a tilt to her head.

       Of course it was her who was watching him. The one who always forced her way into helping. The one Hunter couldn’t really argue with because she was going to stubbornly do it anyway.

       “You could have woken me up.” Hunter stated he felt bad she missed her day off the ship. It was around noon from the look of the sun and she could’ve gotten a lot more done without him.

       “You have gotten up at the crack of dawn everyday you’ve been here.” Willow put her hands on her hips- but she still had a smile and light voice. “I was not about to wake you up the one day you sleep in. If you were Luz that’d be another story. She sleeps in just as badly as Eda does.” She started back down the stairs. “Now come on, There’s a lot you still haven’t seen yet.”

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