#this is said with love in my heart though again this fandom is really nice sometimes im just like. guys x_x

[forgondor]

Prefacing this post by saying I owe young royals gif-makers my life and there are so many talented awesome blogs in this fandom but also. Ngl this is one of the most annoying fandoms I’ve seen LMAO. And thats coming from an ex harry potter, superwholock, voltron blog (when I was like 15, don’t hold it against me)

[fluentmoviequoter]

The Better, Not So Hidden Half

Part 2 of The Better, Hidden Half

Pairing: Tim Bradford x fem!wife!reader

Summary: After Tim decided he didn't want to keep you hidden any longer, you meet the rest of his friends (colleagues, as he prefers), but not the way he planned.

Warnings: depiction of minor injuries (Tim), fluff, grumpy!Tim, Smitty, mentions of drugging

Word Count: 1.9k+ words

Masterlist Directory | Tim Bradford Masterlist | Request Info/Fandom List

When Tim was infected by an unknown biological weapon, he told you that he wanted to stop keeping you separate from the rest of his life. You’re his better half, and he cares deeply about you and your safety, but that doesn’t mean you should be his hidden half. During his short stay in the hospital, Wade introduced you to Lucy Chen, Tim’s rookie, and John Nolan. Since then, however, Tim hasn’t done proper introductions or made any real changes. He has started wearing his wedding ring to work, though, rather than leaving it on a chain around your neck. Baby steps, maybe, but it’s progress.

Your phone rings while Tim is at work, and your breaths grow shallow when you see Wade’s name on the screen. The last time something happened to Tim, Angela called you; any time you see Wade Grey, Angela Lopez, or Talia Bishop’s names appear on your phone, your heart drops in fear for your husband.

“Hey, Wade,” you answer softly.

“Can you please come talk some sense into your husband?” he asks.

Wade's tone and accompanying sigh are all you need to hear to know he’s tired. Sirens have surrounded you all day, so you’re not surprised that something happened.

“About what?” you reply.

“Sorry for the surprise call,” he adds, “I know those can be concerning, so I’ll go ahead and tell you that Tim was in a minor accident, but he’s refusing to get looked at.”

“Shocking,” you joke. “I’ll be there soon. How is he?”

Wade begins to answer, but you hear Tim yell, “If I need a break, I will take one!” in the background.

“Sounds about the same as usual,” you say and answer your question. “See you in a few.”

“Thank you. You’re the best honorary cop I’ve got.”

“Flattery will get you everywhere, Sergeant Grey.”

When you walk into the Mid-Wilshire Station, Tim and Wade are nowhere to be seen. You see Angela waiting nearby, and she rushes to hug you after you wave.

“Are you finally here to meet everyone? Since someone decided that he needed to talk to you alone to heal last time?” she asks playfully.

“I’m here because Tim is injured and stubborn,” you answer.

“And he’ll still be injured and stubborn after you meet the boots who can’t stop talking about you.”

“Is he okay?” you whisper.

“He’s fine. Barely injured, I promise.”

You nod and thank her before she leads you toward a small crowd of officers. Talia says hello, and the three in long sleeves stand up straighter when they see you.

“Mrs. Bradford, nice to see you again,” Lucy greets.

“You too, Officer Chen,” you reply.

“Lucy, please.”

“You’ve met Lucy and Nolan – however brief Tim kept it. And this is my rookie, Jackson West,” Angela introduces.

“Nice to meet you,” you offer with your handshake.

“So, you married Bradford?” he asks. “Why?”

You chuckle at the question but can’t answer your cliched answer of because I love him, and he’s really just a big softie under the sarcastic eye rolls and grumpy yelling before Nolan asks another question.

“At the hospital, you said less than five words to Tim, and he listened. No complaining, no hateful looks, just immediately obeyed. How do you do that?” Nolan inquires.

“Wait – how did you meet?” Jackson adds. “Let’s be chronological.”

Nolan nods in agreement, and you prepare to answer.

“Then I want to know your first thought of Tim. Before you met, just saw each other, whatever… what did you see that drew you in?” Lucy asks.

Angela and Bishop smile as your eyes bounce between the rookies and their never-ending questions. You can’t answer one before the next one is asked, and though you don’t feel the same, you can understand why Tim didn’t want you to meet them all at once.

“No!” Lucy exclaims. “Where did Tim propose?”

“The place where they met,” Talia answers.

Nolan turns quickly to yell, “You knew Tim was married! Why didn’t you mention her?”

“She’s not my wife,” Talia replies sarcastically. “Not my story to tell.”

“I would have talked about her because she’s my best friend,” Angela interjects. “But Tim threatened me.”

“Sorry, Mrs. Bradford,” Jackson says. “We’re just excited and shocked and have so many questions.”

“Mrs. Bradford?” a passing officer asks. “You’re too young to be Mom Bradford, and you’re not his sister…”

“I’m Tim’s wife,” you finish.

“This is Smitty,” Angela tells you.

She winks quickly, and you nod in understanding. You’ve heard plenty of stories about Smitty, and more than enough complaints when you’re alone with Tim. He seems unique, to put it lightly (and kinder than Tim does).

“You married Tim Bradford? Was he by any chance in possession of narcotics or mind-altering drugs when you met? Because it’s pretty easy to convince a woman to do something these days, just a little powder in an uncovered drink, you know,” Smitty continues.

“Smitty, have you drugged a woman before?” Nolan asks. His suspicion is evident in how he asks and the narrowing of his eyes.

“Well, Officer Smitty,” you begin. You nod at Angela, and her smile grows when she realizes you plan to play along.

Tim stands with a quiet grunt of pain. He stretches to the side to fight the growing stiffness and sees Lucy talking to a group of people. Smitty approaches the side, and Nolan steps back to reveal the focus of all of the attention. Tim doesn’t think twice and races out of Wade’s office to save you from the boots.

You address Smitty but don’t say anything more before Tim wraps his hand around your arm while the other grips your hip and pulls you backward. Tim moves you away from Angela and ignores the protests that follow your sudden departure. You don’t fight him as he leads you into Wade’s office. Wade looks up and mouths a relieved thank you.

“Tim, as much as I love meeting the people you pretend not to care about, would you please stop getting hurt and giving me an excuse to drop by unannounced?” you ask.

“I didn’t get hurt,” Tim argues.

His hands are still on you, so you turn in his hold to look at him. Several scrapes litter his left cheek, and you run a gentle finger under them. You can see that his shoulders are tense but you're grateful that his injuries seem to be limited to some stiffness and scrapes.

“What did Wade tell you?” Tim whispers.

“That you were being stubborn and not listening,” Wade mumbles behind you. “I’m surprised she believed me.”

Tim keeps his eyes on you but doesn’t comment further on his injuries or the rookies you just met. He looks down, and you follow his eyes to his hands. His left hand is wrapped tightly with gauze and bandages as he slides his right hand into his pocket.

“Had to take this off,” he tells you.

You extend your hand to accept his wedding ring and curl your fingers around it. After unhooking your necklace chain, you slide his ring on and keep it safe against your chest. Tim nods once it’s secure with you and pulls you to sit beside him. You lay a hand against his right cheek and smile as he leans against your hand. He leans in and kisses you quickly before glancing at Wade to ensure he isn’t watching.

“He’s seen us kiss before,” you remind Tim.

“And I will never let you forget it,” Wade agrees, focusing on the paperwork before him.

“No mind-altering drugs required,” Tim says with a small smile.

“Now I understand why you didn’t want me to meet Smitty.”

“I warned you.”

“Luckily, Angela introduced me to the rookies first, and I invited them over for dinner on Sunday. Wade, you and Luna are welcome to come, too, if you’d like,” you say.

Tim groans as Wade promises to pass the invitation on to Luna. You sit back carefully as Tim leans against you. He’s grumpy about your new connection with the boots but loves you. Tim meant it when he said he didn’t want to keep you hidden and risk wasting his life by separating from everything else that matters to him.

“Lucy won’t shut up,” he realizes with a dramatic sigh.

“Yeah, because I’m sure you carry half of the conversation as it is,” you tease. “Don’t forget how well I know you, Bradford.”

“As long as you don’t forget that I don’t like these people, Bradford,” Tim counters.

“You let Angela come over all the time. And don’t give me the whole ‘she scares me’ thing; you love her.”

Tim moves closer to you to whisper, “I love you more.”

“Then go get a full physical examination. Make sure all the handsomeness is still put together like it’s supposed to be.”

“I don’t need to.”

“Then maybe you don’t love me like you claim to. That’s why you leave your ring with me, right? Easier to bring women in when no one knows you’re married.”

Wade fails to hide a laugh before he covers it with a fake cough. Tim shakes his head but kisses you again before standing. You follow him to the door and thank Wade for the call. Tim waves everyone over, and Lucy beats the rest of them by a solid three seconds.

“Hi again,” she tells you.

“I’ll go see the medic if you rescind the dinner offer,” Tim tells you.

“You’ll go see the medic either way, so no,” you reply.

“We’ve decided a better way to ask questions, and we’ll give you time to breathe in the future,” Jackson says. “Sorry about that.”

“It’s okay, Jackson. I understand the excitement; not the shock because, I mean, look at him," you wave toward Tim and continue, "but it’s not every day that you meet Officer Grumpy’s secret wife.”

“Did you just gesture to me like I’m a game show prize?” Tim murmurs.

“Tim and I will be happy to answer all your questions at dinner. It was very nice to meet all of you, and if Smitty asks again, I was absolutely drugged.”

Tim drags you away once again, and Angela only hears him ask, “Officer Grumpy?” before the door closes behind you both.

You turn and place a hand under Tim’s chin. One touch, a smile, and a kiss turn Tim back into your loving husband. He didn’t realize that keeping you separate from his work life gave you a unique power over him because he’s never had to hide his love for you or the physical affection he’s grown to crave.

“Be careful,” you request softly. “And call me if they find any other injuries.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Tim answers.

“Don’t,” you warn.

“You kissed me first.”

“Thanks for letting me be part of your life, Tim.” He nods and kisses you slowly, but you push him away to warn him, “Ask Angela to tell you about Smitty before he says anything about our relationship.”

“You talked to Smitty, too? Maybe I should start leaving you at home again.”

“I love you,” you call over your shoulder.

“I love you,” Tim replies.

He walks back into the station with two things on his mind: learning what Smitty thinks about you and Tim that was worth a warning and getting home to you. Your touch, kiss, and the soft return of his ring will always be the best part of Tim’s day, and even though he wears his ring more often now, you still pull him in because he needs you more than he’s ever needed the ring.

[redfoxwritesstuff]

A Misdemeanor Of The Heart: Chapter 1 (Alastor x Reader)

Banner Alastors done by @blobin456drawz <3

Human Alastor x married reader Rated Adult for adult themes, triggering content and sexual content. I wouldn't say this is dead dove but it's dead dove adjacent. Series Trigger Warnings: Adultery, stalking, Sexual assault, Rape, smut of undetermined sorts, Domestic Violence, Time period accurate views on women and domestic violence and skin color, Alastor is a serial Killer, there's murder, there's angst, there's dark content. If you know me from my old days you'll know this warning: Kit's up to her old shit again.

Summary: Fading away in an abusive marriage, each day passes just the same as the last. Painful monotony eats at you until a pair of warm brown eyes sparks the idea that you could have something more. When a business deal between men sparks a torrid affair, how long can you keep things going before the fire either leaves you a burnt out shell or burns up everything around you?

And what becomes of the radio host who thought he was above the fickle fires of the heart when the match he strikes burns his hand instead? Can he possess what rightfully belongs to another man without leaving everything he has fought for in ashes?

A note from Kit: First, before anything I want to credit my friends @blobin456drawz, @nyx-umbrakinesis, @wendigonamecaller and the rest of you (you know who you are) for doing the heavy lifting during the outline phase of this project and being so eager to hear everything about it as it consumes me. Eventually I'll shut up about this project but it'll be a few more weeks at least. I love you guys.

Onto more important matters- Please be mindful. This story is dark and triggering at times. I've written portions to elicit an emotional reaction. As you should always do with dark content, even if you're not at risk of being triggered, please step back and take a breather when needed. The story will always be here when you get back. I am so tickled by the excitement this story has generated ahead of its release. We're looking at tentatively between 20 and 30 chapters (A note from future Kit: Ha! That was a cute prediction... I'm drafting chapter 37 rn and looking at 50...) posted once a week on Wednesdays. This day will change WITH NOTICE as other series finish and my more traditional posting days open up again.

Come along friends and learn why I had my own trigger warning in the Marvel fandom.

Masterlist AO3 KoFi

Join us at VoxTek for a Vox themed Hazbin Discord, all are welcome!

Audio by Nyx Productions, Part 1, part 2

To the world, you appeared nothing more than a simple woman with a placid smile, gliding through town. The rhythmic click of your sensible black heels echoed against the sidewalk. To a trained eye, your gait could be categorized as slightly staggered, stiff, and just a little uneven, but to an untrained eye? There was nothing to see, but a modestly dressed woman, impeccably put together though just slightly out of fashion, performing the role of the ideal well-to-do wife with the precision of a clockwork automation. 

You could have taken a bus, but you would rather walk, or at least that was your story, but it wasn’t totally true. You tried to focus on the positive, a lesson your parents had instilled in you from an early age. If you couldn’t focus on the positive little bits of your life, what else was there?

It was nice to get out of the prison of your home. That is what you’d tell anyone that asked, though you wouldn’t call it a prison to anyone but yourself. They would smile and nod, like was polite and they’d make small talk about how mundane the life of a homemaker was and assure her that as soon as little ones landed her days would be filled with excitement and joy. 

What wouldn’t be said was how you wished she could brave the bus because your simple heels hurt your feet or how the idea of falling pregnant terrified you. You couldn’t, wouldn’t really, brave the bus because it would jostle you and you’d surely bump into someone or something. This time of day, the bus would be crowded and people would bump into you.

Today you couldn’t have that. 

Today you needed to protect yourself.

Stepping into the tailor shop you thanked the man on his way out, holding the door open for you on his way. With a sigh, you let the relief of an errand half done wash over you as you stepped up to the counter. Behind you, the bell above to door jingled, announcing another new arrival to the small shop.

Glancing over your shoulder, you hardly registered the tall man with tan skin and fluffy brown hair as he held the door open for his short blonde companion. An odd pair, you thought before turning back to the counter, showing the woman where the sleeve on your dress was torn, seam along the shoulder ripped and explaining your fabricated story of how it happened. 

She smiled at you with pity. This was injury to clothing she knew well though she would never be so bold as to talk about it. You were not the only woman in town to frequent the tailors with ripped shoulder seams or dark rust colored stains. These were the secrets she kept, a professional curtesy that was expected from her but always unsaid. Did the people of the city even realize the things she knew?

“It’ll be ready in a few days, Mrs. Latimer.” The shopkeeper was quick to take the dress from you, doing the work of holding it up and examining the rip. 

It was a small mercy, to not have to raise your arm much at all. The woman folded the dress neatly away and slipping it below the counter before motioning you aside while she wrote out your ticket. She was a master at multitasking, finishing your ticket as she greeted the newcomers who seemed less eager to step up to the counter than the shopkeeper was to serve them.

“What about that one?” the blonde woman whispered to her companion as you thanked the shop keeper as she handed you your ticket. The newcomers lingered, taking their time making their way to the counter. 

“Mimzy, we are here to pick up your dress,” the man’s rich voice sounded familiar but you couldn’t place it. Glancing at him, you tried to place where you could know him from but came up blank. That was just as well, Laurence didn’t let you really socialize much outside of your day to day tasks.

The blonde, Mimzy you had gathered her name was, wiggled her fingers to you in a wave as she caught you looking their way before directing her attention back to the man she was with. 

“Yes, yes. And you need the lining of your coat restitched,” She made a show of rolling her eyes, performing for an audience of only a handful, “You’re no fun sometimes.” 

“A dreadfully dull time, that’s me,” the man laughed lightly.

“I’m just saying,” Mimzy continued as you stepped toward the door, “You’re a good man. A decent man. You should find someone, is all. You don’t gotta settle down but you don’t gotta be alone all the time either.” 

You cringed, struggling to push open the heavy door, trying to not listen in on the pair’s clearly private conversation. You had been too eager when you pushed on it and your shoulder didn’t hold up to the stress well, pain flaring. It was easy enough to forget how painful your shoulder was in the moment. 

It wasn’t so bad, as long as you didn’t overdo it. Pushing open the heavy door yourself was clearly enough to count as overdoing it today. 

“Here, allow me.” The man pushed open the door for you, holding it open with a palm high along the edge of the door, giving you plenty of space to exit. 

You ducked under his arm with a mumbled word of thanks. It didn’t matter, he didn’t seem to really be listening for it anyway as he directed his attention back to his companion as he let the door begin to fall closed as soon as you were out of striking range of it.

“And why should I-” the rest of his words were lost behind the closing door. 

Alastor sat in the empty lounge, sipping his rye as Mimzy talked on and on while she changed. The dress surely would fit her just how she wanted, it was custom fitted but that didn’t stop her from putting on this whole production every time they got back from the seamstress. 

He knew the song and dance well enough, having known the woman for the past few years. She would change. He would complement. She would complain. He would reassure. She would blush and call him a flirt. He would move on with his day. 

“Oh!” Mimzy interrupted herself, earning a raised eyebrow from Alastor. “I forgot to tell you.”

“Tell me what, my dear?” 

She popped her head out from between the curtains, “I think I found myself a new juice supplier. You’re off the hook.”

“You think?” Alastor downed the rest of his drink in one smoothe gulp.

“Ya- Laurence’ll be able to take over soon and you’ll be off the hook again. I know you ain’t eager for that amount of risk. Told you it was only temporary.” 

Alastor hummed in acknowledgement as Mimzy went on and on about Laurence. He was tall, not as tall as Alastor, she assured him, but still tall and handsome. He tuned out her ramblings, mind instead turning back to the woman Mimzy had pointed out at the tailor shop. Such a timid little thing, fashion just outdated enough to stand out. 

Mimzy smacked his shoulder with a bar towel, leaning across the counter to look him in his eyes as she demanded his attention, “Yes?”

“You’re distracted,” she stated simply. 

“Just thinking about tomorrow’s broadcast.” Alastor answered simply, running his finger over the rim of the empty glass. “That’s all.” 

“Mhm,” she narrowed her eyes at him as he leaned back from her. “You sure you ain’t thinking about a pretty face?” 

“Haven’t seen any prettier faces than yours today.” 

Mimzy laughed loudly and teased, “Flirt! But I know it ain’t my face that’s got you distracted. Was it the doll at the shop? She was cute!” 

“She’s got a man,” Alastor countered. 

“And how the hell would you know from not speaking to her at all?” 

Alastor shrugged, “Just got a feeling about her.” 

He could tell Mimzy that she had that hollow look in her eyes that a woman got when she had a partner that got a bit too rough with her. Hell, he could point out the way she couldn’t manage to open the door to the shop, her shoulder weak from strained muscles. Did the man that called her his toss her around by the arm last night? Yank her a little too roughly?

He wouldn’t though because it didn’t matter. It wasn’t worth having Mimzy ask questions about his past or worse, assume the reason he had no partner of his own was due to any reason beyond him not desiring to be weighed down. 

“I bet a charming lad like yourself could sweep her out from under whatever man she’s caught up with anyway. Want another?” Mimzy pointed at the empty glass as melting ice settled in the bottom. 

“I’m good, Darling- It’s early yet.” 

Your feet were killing you as you made your way home. Still, you couldn’t help but take your time. If you were out, you were not home cleaning, cooking or waiting for your husband to return. While you were out, you could pretend to be your own person and it was alright, you had to keep up appearances as long as it was the right appearance. 

Lingering in front of the newsstand, you let your eyes run over the papers and magazines each with bold words on the covers, fighting for the eye’s attention. 

The headlines were polar opposites in many cases. Some celebrated the progress and change made in the 24 months since women had been granted the right to the vote. Others bemoaned the change and the influence women could now have on the world around them, pointing at any little thing as a sign of the doom this would spell for society as a whole. 

The idea made you laugh. Two years and while you did your best to learn, you hadn’t even come close to a polling center. Your husband wouldn’t allow it. Whatever change there may have been for better or for worse, you had no part of it. 

You knew which of the papers your loving husband would pick up and celebrate. It wasn’t the same ones you would but that didn’t matter. Women may have had the right to vote but you knew you were little more than an accessory in the world you lived in. 

Moving on with your walk home, you tried to force yourself to relax your shoulders and back. The pain was starting in from tensed muscles, telling you that while you hadn’t been watching your posture well enough, you had curled in on yourself. 

A deep breath in through your nose and out through your parted lips, slowly as you pulled your head up and your shoulders back, trying to ignore the way the muscles screamed in protest. You forced your spine straight and winced at the pain in your shoulder as you worked your fingers into the tense muscle, trying to convince it to relax. 

It would pain you for a few more days yet and if you were lucky, that would be it. You just needed to be good until it had a chance to heal. 

“Good Day, Mrs. Latimer.” A man you should have known tipped his hat at you in greeting, startling you out of the thoughts you hadn’t realized absorbed you as you walked slowly down the sidewalk. 

He was closer than you had expected when he snatched your attention, causing you to gasp and flinch back, shoulder twinging in pain. You didn’t like people in your space, at least not without warning. All it would take was someone saying you were getting too close to a man to your husband and hell would rain down on you regardless of the truth of it. 

Your shoulder banged into the light post behind you. You didn’t know it was there, having lost track of your surrounding as you walked in the haze of thoughts. A gasped yelp slipped from your lips before you could stop it.

Appearances. You had to keep up appearances. Swallow the pain, don’t let anyone know. Don’t let anyone see. 

“You alright?” The man asked as he steadied you, large hand gripping the outside of your shoulder only making the pain flair more. 

Shrugging out from under his grip, you painted on a false smile as you willed the tears in your eyes back. 

“I’m fine,” You looked away as you saw pity cross the man’s face. How much did he see? Surely not more than what was normal, what was acceptable?

“You be careful ma’am,” the man nodded wisely to you. “Didn’t you hear? There’s a serial killer running around. Probably not good for a lady to be out alone till they catch the bastard- pardon my language.” 

“Oh my,” you tried to play the unsteadiness on your feet as being from the terrifying news. Would be believe it? Did be believe it? “I’ll be sure to be mindful, thank you.” 

You didn’t need his pity but what you needed even less of was him seeing any real reason to pity you. Forcing your hand from your shoulder, you tried to ignore the pain, to will it away. 

There was nothing to see here. Just Mrs. Latimer making her way home from the tailor shop. There were no bruises. No torn dresses. Nothing wrong. 

Life was perfectly normal, a storybook where you were married into a family of means with your family having so very little to offer. 

Tag List: @xalygatorx, @catticora, @alastor-simp, @alastorthirsty, @nyx91, @lilith-jae, @goyablogsstuff, @kaylopolis, @sirens-and-moonflowers, @charlottemorningstarsdarling, @diffidentphantom, @rainydaysmut, @honestlyshamelesskid, @yui-onnero, @lunarmango

Want to trust your fates to the tagging system and be added to the tag list? Let me know. We here at Kit's Nonsense Inc make no promises on Tumblr's ability to actually make your tag function.

Next? Masterlist

[demonslayedher]

Low-Key Married AU fluff

Kochou said that I was disliked, so I asked her if she disliked me too. For someone so quick to have a smiling response to everything, she struggled to reply. She was the one who proposed marriage and swayed me, so I had thought that meant she had feelings for me. There would be no other way to read it. However, with as unbothered as she is by my absence, I have to wonder.

It’s been ten days since I had last contact with her. I went home to the Butterfly Mansion, but she had just departed for a mission, so I didn’t stay long so as not to trouble the girls. It may still be a few days before I can return again, but it’s always likely she’ll be busy. She’s incredible in that way, taking on all the care of our injured Corp members in addition to her Pillar missions. It must be in her personality to keep adding to what keeps her busy, like taking me in as though I looked like I needed the care. Although the times we’ve spent together have been nice, I don’t require it. My duties call for me to always be ready for battle, and I’ve always kept my heart steady.

So has she. We are Pillars first, and no amount of affection can sway us—whether an abundance or a lack.

I’m not bothered by lacking something I didn’t deserve in the first place.

Last night again, I was too late to prevent a family from being slaughtered. There were no survivors this time, aside from the eldest child who was still ravenous with a recent transformation. Having to chase him down and keep him from harming anyone else kept me off the trail of the progenitor of demons, who had to have been close by. For centuries, he’s evaded us this way over and over, sacrificing entire families to throw us off his trail. If I were to chide myself over every failure, I would have lost the ability to do anything ages ago. Each time, the anger is something I carry with me, to push myself harder the next time, and the next. Any extent more that I can push myself may be the difference to someone’s survival, no one can afford to lose their life over any of my own lost confidence.

“CAW!! TOMIOKA GIYUUUU! NEWS FOR TOMIOKA GIYUUUU!”

Each time it's a crow I think I recognize, my stomach drops. My mind is already playing the words I dread to hear, as though trying to protect my mind once I someday hear them.

"Kochou Shinobu has died."

Even if I hear them, I'm a Pillar first. That was what we promised each other. I'll always do as I must.

The crow says nothing as it delivers a letter.

YES, YES, I KNOW, THIS FANDOM HAS TURNED ME INTO SHIPPER TRASH. For this pairing, it was more specifically my own joke AU which later bit me in the back and made me start really, really enjoying GiyuShino (which, for the record, I do not consider canon). Was throwing ideas back and forth with @reicchel again the other day and so here we are with ship content!

Part of the reason I love the Low-Key Married AU (in which it's mostly canon as usual, except that Shinobu and Giyuu have been married for over a year or so, and it's not a secret but they make such little deal about it that many people don't even know they're married) is that it's a frame through which to see every interaction and either make it really, really funny, or very, very, sad. Everything was supposed to be funny, but it keeps hurting, hahaha... aaahhhh.

For instance, in a regular romcom situation, it should be funny that Kanzaburo doesn't deliver all of Giyuu's letters. Knowing these two, who might had started this whole "well, we'll be a couple when we have time" thing by actively writing regular letters, this could had simply given the impression that the other person wasn't writing as much, so they both naturally decreased frequency to match. It's a little lonely, but neither one is going to push the other for more attention.

No!! I refuse to let this post end with angst! Time for omake!!!

[nowritingonthewall]

Let me take your hand

Fandom: Star Wars

Character(s): modern!AU Poe, Shara Bey and Kes Dameron

Pairing: Poe Dameron x gn!reader

Summary: Sometimes all you need to make the pain a little more bearable is someone to take your hand, hold you gently, kiss you softly and tell you that they love you.

Words: 6900

Warnings: Hurt/comfort with a lot of hurt (!) in the beginning, aftermath of losing a parent (please please please don’t read if you fear that you might not be able to bear reading this!), reader celebrates Christmas, kind of spoilery if you haven’t read “Free Fall”

A/N: This was supposed to be a cute little spin-off of another Christmas story that spiralled completely out of control. 2023 was the third Christmas with this story living rent free in my mind and I was really determined to finally write and finish it this time before becoming really sick for two months. Even though it’s nearly Easter I hope that maybe one or two of you might still like it <3

As always, I apologize for not being a native speaker.

Christmas used to be Poe’s favourite time of the year.

There were presents, bright sparkling lights all over the city, the smell of freshly baked cookies, joyful songs on the radio, people being so much kinder than usual, chocolate glazed koyo berries and most importantly: both of his parents would be at home. Because Christmas was sacred.

Sure, presents were nice and everything, but sneaking into his parents’ bedroom before dawn on Christmas Morning, cuddling up to them under their warm blankets, lying safe and snug between them in a huge loving hug sandwich, knowing that for once there was no rush to get up and nothing to worry about because the day belonged to no one but their family?

There was nothing in Poe’s whole world that would ever be able to beat that.

Christmas was his favourite thing in the entire universe.

Even his very first memory was created on Christmas Eve. Shara and Kes would dance together at every possible (and impossible) opportunity they got, but that very first dance in the light of their Christmas tree on Christmas Eve was special.

It was as special to them as the song that had to accompany their dance: 'Let Me Take Your Hand' by Hera and the Rebels.

It was the song that had played on an old record player when they had met in an airplane hangar for the very first time. It had played when they had shared their first kiss, when Kes had proposed to his beloved Shara, when they had their first dance at their wedding, and when Shara had told Kes with happy tears in her eyes that they were going to be parents.

Music like a tender hug wrapping its loving arms around you, caressing your soul and soothing your heart, leaving you feeling like nothing in the world could ever hurt you.

Would you let me take your hand

And hold you gently

And kiss you softly

If I said I loved you

That Christmas Eve, as his parents began to sway in tune with the first few bars of the old forty-five crackling over the loud speakers, little Poe had no idea that he had just become part of a very long and love-filled Dameron Christmas tradition.

He was simply the happiest little boy, cuddled against his Dad’s chest, who held him gently yet safely close to his heart. With his Mom taking his hands in hers and making funny faces at him while singing along to the music, his eyes sparkled even brighter than the lights of the Christmas decorations around him.

As soon as the song was over, he wiggled his tiny feet and clapped his little hands in excitement, squealing giddily, “‘gain pwease!”

And his parents didn’t mind at all. With the record playing over and over again, they took turns kissing each other and placing the softest of kisses on their son’s forehead, cooing how much they loved him.

Poe couldn’t get enough of it.

On his eighth Christmas Eve, as Poe clung to Shara’s leg during their dance, he decided that part of him couldn’t wait to grow up and find his special someone to dance to their song. He vividly imagined how he would look at them the same way as Kes was looking at Shara.

Of course, his parents would still be there and enjoy dancing right next to him. He would do a show of being embarrassed when his Mom would try to ruffle his hair, because for some weird reason, grown-ups were supposed to hate it, even though he wouldn’t actually mind at all. And his Mom and Dad would love you nearly as much as he would and his parents would be so happy for their son to carry on their Christmas tradition.

If only he had known. If only he had known that this would be the very last Christmas with his Mom. Maybe he would have clung to her a little tighter, maybe he wouldn’t have nicked quite so many Christmas cookies, maybe he would have told her how much he loved her just one more time.

But then again, if he had known, it probably wouldn’t have been the most wonderful Christmas ever or the last time that he could remember his Dad looking truly happy before everything changed forever.

Only a year later it was hard to believe that any of those beautiful memories had been real at all.

Despite his insurmountable grief, Kes had tried his best to make this Christmas as magical for his son as it used to be. It was just that he had never quite gotten the hang of how Shara had always managed to make the Christmas tree and their apartment look so beautiful and festive and welcoming. And no matter how many Christmas lights he would string or how many candles he would light, it seemed like all their warmth and brightness had left when Shara did.

It was the night before their first Christmas without his Mom when Poe woke up to the most desperate stifled sobs coming from the living room. Full of worry, he stumbled out of bed and through the flat, the sinking feeling in his tummy growing heavier with each step of his bare feet on the ice cold floor tiles.

When he reached the door to the living room, the picture unfolding in front of him nearly tore is heart apart: The hunched over figure of his Dad lying under the Christmas tree, face hidden behind his hands, crying so violently his whole body was shaking.

Before even being able to form a single coherent thought, Poe had already crouched down on the floor right next to his Dad, trying to pull him into a hug – just like he knew his Mom would have done to comfort him.

His arms didn’t quite reach all the way around the package that his Dad had folded himself into but Poe tried to make up for it by pouring all the softness and warmth and tenderness from his big little heart into his words when he said, “I love you, Daddy! It’s gonna be okay!”

His Dad didn’t react. So Poe tried again, squeezing him even tighter this time but all it drew from Kes was another heart-wrenching sob.

But Poe wasn’t going to give up that easily. After all, just because his Mom wasn’t here with them in person, it didn’t mean that she didn’t celebrate Christmas with them. And if she was looking down at them from her cloud in Heaven among all the most beautiful angels in the universe (because there was no doubt for Poe, that’s exactly where his Mom would be), it would surely break her heart to see her two boys crying on Christmas Eve. And he couldn’t let his Mom down, could he? Not at Christmas.

And there was one thing left to try.

Hurrying over to the record player, he found what he was looking for exactly where his Mom had stored it away neatly last year. Ever so carefully, as if handling the most precious item in the world, he let the record slide out of its sleeve and placed it on the turntable. Slowly and gently, just like his Mom had taught him, he lowered the tone arm before turning back to his Dad.   

With the first few soft sounds floating across the room, Kes finally raised his head, looking up to where his son stood, holding out his hand for his Dad. As he slowly got on his feet, Poe took a step towards him and tried his best to put on a brave smile, his eyes encouraging and full of hope.

Kes looked at his son. And he looked at the record player. Then he walked straight past his son and with a cry of agony that made Poe stumble backwards with a start, Kes tore the record off the turntable and threw it to the ground with enough force to break it into a thousand pieces. Yet they were nothing compared to the millions of pieces that little Poe’s heart shattered into at this very moment.

As his father stormed out of the room, Poe kept staring at the broken remnants of the last happy memory of his family. Trying to understand what on earth had just happened. What had he done wrong?

Maybe it was the shock, maybe it was the confusion, but he didn’t even notice how he began to shiver as the cold crawled up from the floor over his bare feet and under his thin pyjamas. Until he could no longer tell whether the numbness creeping into his heart and soul came from the cold or the growing ache in his chest. He had never felt more lost or lonely in his entire life.

For the briefest of moments, he wondered whether it would be possible to glue the pieces back together again. But as he knelt down and began to pick them up slowly, one by one, that last flicker of hope was extinguished quickly.

As he pondered over what to do, he spotted the stack of Christmas napkins that his Mom had bought last year, after Poe had insisted that the teddy bear pictured on them looked just like his beloved plushie Mr. Beebs. He had spent hours sitting right next to her, learning how to fold them into the most intricate shapes, just like his Mom had done, until he had declared excitedly that his Mom would never have to worry about folding a set of napkins for their guests ever again because now she had Poe to take care of that. Taking one of the napkins from the stack now, he could vividly remember the fondness in her eyes as her smile had outshone his proud little grin.

After spreading the napkin out on the floor, he piled the pieces of the record up onto it, carefully and gently, until even the tiniest of pieces had been accounted for. Looking around the room for something to tie the napkin bundle up with, his gaze fell upon Mr. Beebs sitting on the couch with his tiny bow tie around his neck. It didn’t seem right to take it, but Poe apologized to his teddy and promised that he would only borrow it for a little while.

Having the napkin tied neatly together, he got up off the floor, taking one last look at the Christmas tree. A source of warmth and comfort for as long as he could remember, its lights and decorations almost seemed like they were mocking him now. As his eyes began to wander along its branches, his gaze came to rest on the star at the top of the tree.

“I am sorry, Mommy,” he whispered.  

As Poe held the napkin bundle gently against his heart, the tears began to fall. Unseen and in silence, yet hot and burning.

He was still clutching the little bundle to his chest when he found himself crying quietly in his bed a little later. He held it even tighter when he could hear the soft footsteps of his father approaching.

“Poe?” Kes’ voice was so gentle, it was barely audible to his son.

“Poey, sweetheart… I am sorry! I am… I am so so so sorry!”

Staring at the wall in front of him, Poe couldn’t see how his father’s tears over losing the love of his life had turned into tears over the fear of losing his son. He couldn’t see how his father reached out his hand towards him, only to hesitate at the very last moment, too afraid that he would just make things worse.

He couldn’t see how Kes longed for nothing more than to hug Poe close to his heart and never let him go again, desperate to find a way to comfort his son without subjecting him to his own soul crushing pain.

All he could see, over and over again, was that moment when his father walked right past him to smash their record to pieces.

His father didn’t want to take his hand.

Determined that he didn’t want Kes to see him cry, Poe pulled the covers over his head. And just like he had wrapped the napkin around the broken pieces of the record, Poe could feel something else wrapping itself around his heart. Not nearly as gentle and careful, but way harder and tighter and indefinitely more painful.

His father didn’t want to take his hand.

It was the last time that either of them acknowledged the song. It was the last time that music was played in the Dameron household.

And Poe never danced again.

Sometimes he would dream of it, though. Holding someone in his arms and swaying to the soft rhythm of a melody while waiting for Christmas cookies to bake in the oven or the first coffee of the day to finish brewing. But it never felt quite right. As soon as that longing ache would make itself known, he would shove it back to where it came from. Burying it a little deeper every time. After all, life was not a flipping Disney Christmas movie.

Yet there was a part of him that never stopped trying to find the song again. Even more so during that time of the year. Whether it was at the Christmas markets or at the shops, as soon as the softest sound of music could be heard anywhere, Poe would strain his ears hoping against hope to hear that comforting familiar tune just one more time.

Now and then he would hum the melody to himself, especially in those moments when he missed his Mom even worse than usual.

More than once he found himself sliding into a panic when he seemed to stumble over parts of the melody or he needed a little longer to remember some of the words. Every time that happened, he feared another piece of the memory of his Mom might slip away.

One night, after waking up in cold sweat again, he frantically scribbled down the lyrics onto the next best sheet of paper he could find as if they might be lost forever if he didn’t write them down this instant. After taking a few moments to catch his breath, he carefully folded the sheet and placed it into the little wooden box in his nightstand, which held the napkin bundle and the record sleeve.

Over the years, there were a few people that he tried to confide in but his attempts always ended up with him being made fun of. So he gave up those attempts too, burying his feelings deep under the growing pile of pain and ache and longing. They were obviously too silly to share them with anyone.

Not to you, though.

When Poe and you were about to spend your first Christmas together, it had been several years since he had bothered to put up any proper Christmas decorations at all. So when you asked him excitedly whether you could put them up together, he really did it more for you than for him.

Though he couldn’t deny that your enthusiasm was more than a little contagious. You turned the whole thing into a proper little event with Christmassy snacks and hot cocoa and festive music. After a while he found your joy so infectious that it made him feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Feelings that he hadn’t associated with Christmas for a long, long time.

He even sent both of you into a fit of giggles and laughter after somehow managing to completely wrap himself in tinsel rather than the Christmas tree.

And then you threw him completely off balance with one seemingly innocent little question: “So what’s your favourite Christmas tradition?”

Before he could tumble off the chair he was standing on, however, his instincts kicked in, making him fall back onto his standard go to answer: Chocolate glazed koyo berries. “My father had this really amazing way of turning them into the most delicious…” he began.

But it just felt wrong. Of course he loved his father’s chocolate koyo berries, he actually used to love them a lot. But there was something else. As he looked into your warm and loving eyes, something long forgotten tried to force its way up from the deepest pits of his heart. And try as he might, it refused to be pushed back down again this time.

Determined to keep it together, he turned away from you, biting his lips until they hurt. He was not going to cry. He was not going to ruin everything again.

“Poe? Hey… sweetie, your hands are shaking…”

Squeezing his eyes shut with enough force to give him a headache, he could hear the confusion in your voice turning into worry.

“Oh Poe, I am sorry, I should have known that this might bring back painful memories, I really shouldn’t have asked, I am so sorry…”

Trying to stifle the wave of sobs demanding to be let out, he shook his head vigorously, still refusing to look at you.

“No no no, you didn’t do anything wrong, it’s just… it’s silly!” he choked up.

You paused for a moment before saying gently, “It doesn’t look like it’s silly to you?”

He didn’t resist when you took his trembling hands in yours and helped him to climb down from the chair. Not letting go, you carefully held them steady in your hands, drawing soothing circles on them with your thumbs, as Poe kept staring at the floor.

“You don’t have to tell me now, if it’s too much,” you tried to reassure him.

“No, I want to, I just…” Grunting in frustration, he broke away and began to rub at his eyes with the palms of his hands with increasing force as if the motion would somehow be able to rub those pesky and unwelcome feelings away.

Carefully taking his hands into yours once more, you slowly led them away from his eyes. As you cupped his face with your hands, tenderly caressing over his temples with your thumbs, he finally looked at you, revealing his sore eyes glistening with tears and all the pain and grief that lay beneath.

It broke your heart.

You hesitated, as you had to fight your own tears welling up inside of you now before asking softly, “Is this about your Mom?”

Poe nodded ever so slightly.

Your voice turned even softer. “Does it have anything to do with the little box you keep in your night stand?”

Of course you had seen the way that he looked at that box. You had seen how he would rest his hand on that box, how his expression would turn from soft to pained and to soft again. Now and then he had even seemed to be humming a soft little melody while gently caressing over the lid of the box. Yet despite all of your questions, it had never felt right to ask him about it before he was ready to open up to you.

Closing his eyes again, Poe took a few shaky breaths. Letting his fingers wander up your arms, until they came to rest on your hands still holding his face, he tried to ground himself, focussing his attention on you. Your kindness, your gentleness, your warmth.

“Do you really want to know?” he finally managed to ask before his voice broke again.

“I do,” you said gingerly. “Of course I do. But… I wouldn’t want you to feel like you’d have to tell me anything that you aren’t ready to share yet.”

Nodding slowly, he furrowed his brow, deepening the pained expression on his face. An even more overwhelming wave of sadness radiated from his eyes, spreading over his already grief-stricken features. He tried to open and shut his mouth a few times before giving up and taking you by the hand to lead you into the bedroom.

You knelt down on the floor right next to him while he opened the drawer of his nightstand to remove the little wooden box and carefully opened the lid, revealing its contents to you. You saw the record sleeve and the lyric sheet and the napkin bundle tied together with the bowtie borrowed from Poe’s old childhood teddy Mr. Beebs.

Taking a deep breath, Poe took the bundle out of the box and placed it on the floor in front of you, unwrapping it ever so carefully.

He hadn’t opened it in decades. The moment that the napkin came undone around the broken pieces of the record, the tight layer of repressed feelings and ignored pain and buried grief wrapped around his heart fell away with it. Until there was nothing left to hold back the swelling flood of tears.

As soon as the first desperate sob ripped through his body so violently that it threatened to take his breath away, you were there. Catching him, holding him, comforting him, sheltering him.

And Poe cried like he had never cried before.

“It’s not fair! It’s not flipping fair, it’s not… she should be here… she should still be here… here with us…”

Everything seemed to bubble up to the surface at once. Pain and anger and confusion and helplessness.

“I wanted to hug him, I… I just really needed to hug him and… and I wanted to, but… but… but I was too small and… and… how could he just smash it?”

You were barely able to make any sense of all his memory fragments and turbulent emotions that were demanding attention all at once, but that wasn’t important right now.

“He came to apologize that night but I couldn’t… I couldn’t… I didn’t want him to see me cry and I… I… I should have…”

As you held him gently in your arms, he clung desperately to you, sobbing helplessly against your shoulder.

“I just… I… I failed them. Both…”

“Oh, Poe,” you whispered as you buried your face in his curls. And even though you knew that he wouldn’t be ready to believe you yet, you added gently but firmly, “You didn’t fail anybody!”

Smoothing some damp curls from his forehead, you pressed a tender kiss to the top of his head, when a new wave of tears began to stream down his face. Hot and desperate tears that had never been given a chance to dry, burning in his heart during all those years.

And now you were kissing them away. Softly. Every single one of them, even tough they were replaced by fresh ones immediately. Until sheer exhaustion made him collapse into your embrace.

As you cradled the back of his head, steadying him against your chest, rocking him gently back and forth, you knew that it wasn’t just your boyfriend crying in your arms. You held the wounded little boy, who couldn’t understand. Who blamed himself without even knowing what he had done wrong. Who hurt so deeply and yet would rather take care of everybody else around him before tending to his own wounds.

“I am here for you, Poe,” you cooed gently, hugging him tight. “I love you!”

And for the first time in decades, it felt like a few of the million shattered pieces of his heart were beginning to heal.

Unbeknownst to Poe, you made it your year’s goal to find the song for him.

The fact that Poe hadn’t been able to find it in all those years despite all his efforts, not even in the endless vastness of the internet, didn’t deter you in the slightest. Or so you thought. At least for the first eleven months of the year.

By the time December came around again, you were so close to admitting defeat that Poe began to worry about what brought you so low, even fearing that he might have been the one dampening your mood with his lack of Christmas spirit.

So, in an attempt to make up for that, he suggested taking you to the annual charity Christmas bazaar at your local school, hoping that a little Christmassy shopping spree for charity and the sparkly atmosphere of the Christmas lights might cheer you up again.

You tried not to get your hopes up, you really did. But the moment that Poe popped off to the restrooms and you found yourself stranded in front of a stall with several boxes of old forty-fives, you had to start browsing, of course.

Sorting swiftly through the records, you had gone through at least fifty of them, when your brain gave you a little jolt. You stopped. Going backwards very slowly, you looked at each of them again until you got back to the forty-second one. You carefully removed the record from the box. You read the title on the sleeve. You stared at it in disbelief. And you read it again. You shook your head. You read the title a third time. And despite your best attempts to stay calm, you couldn’t stop yourself from letting out a little scream that made the elderly gentleman behind the display ask in concern whether you were all right. It took every ounce of self restraint you could muster to keep yourself from throwing your arms around him and hug him until he turned blue. In the end, you hugged him anyway.

After handing the stall owner enough money to prompt him to ask you again whether you were all right, you hid the record in your bag and quickly hurried past the next few stalls, hoping not to give anything away.

You still weren’t able to keep the shine out of your eyes, though. Which Poe noticed immediately the minute that he caught up with you.

“What’s gotten into you?” he asked raising a confused eyebrow.

Letting out a happy sigh that you weren’t able to contain, you smiled, “I’m just really looking forward to Christmas!”

His gaze softened as he pulled you towards you, placing a tender kiss on top of your head. Gently rubbing your noses together, his smile grew wider until it painted crinkles around his eyes.

As he rested his forehead against yours, he whispered, “Me too!” And for the first time since what felt like forever, he actually meant it.

You spent the better part of the remainder of the run-up to Christmas trying to come up with the best possible plan to present the record to him. Should you simply hide it in a pile of other gifts in his stocking, should you make him close his eyes while you put the record on, should you wake him up with the music on Christmas Morning or maybe something completely different? In the end you decided that you would leave it up to Poe because the last thing you wanted was to overwhelm him in any way or even cause him more hurt.

When you found yourself cuddling with him on the couch on Christmas Eve, however, it became increasingly harder for you to remain patient until Christmas Morning.

Lying half atop on you, Poe had completely melted into your embrace, burying his face in the crook of your neck, while you played with his hair. The ease and trust with which he relaxed in your arms melted your heart. You were just about to turn your head and place a gentle kiss to his temple, when he lifted his head.

“Are you okay, bups?” He asked, raising a worried eyebrow at you.

“Hmmm?” you mumbled a little absentmindedly. “Sure, why wouldn’t I be?”

“You’re as tense as a loaded spring about to go off. And I mean that in a very non-euphemistic, sfw way. Although…” he wriggled his eyebrows, looking way too cute with his tousled hair curling itself into every possible direction, “I wouldn’t mind adding some ‘n’ into the mix a little later…”

You couldn’t help breaking into giggles, which made Poe grin in return. “That’s better,” he smiled, placing a sweet little kiss to your forehead before furrowing his brow again. “Wanna tell me why you are so nervous?”

You really hadn’t intended to spoil this peaceful moment but you also knew that Poe wouldn’t stop worrying until he knew what was up. With a heavy sigh, you reluctantly tried to wriggle yourself free from underneath Poe to sit up, drawing some grunts of protest and a pout from him.

“I have a little surprise for you.”

Humming in a slightly more relaxed tone, he wrapped his arms around you, pulling you towards him again.

“And can we stay on the couch for that or do we have to transfer to the bedroom?”

You snorted, “I’ve clearly given you the wrong idea now.”

With another smile, you brushed a few stray curls from his forehead and left a soft kiss in their place.

“You can stay here. I’ll be right back.”

Getting up to fetch your little present from the hiding place in the bedroom, you swiftly returned and set down next to Poe before giving it to him.

It took a few moments for Poe to realize what he was holding in his hands. As they began to tremble, he couldn’t help but keep staring at the record.

“How… where did you…” he whispered.

You gently laid your hands on his before explaining softly, “Actually… you kind of led me to it yourself when you took me to the Christmas bazaar three weeks ago.”

He let out a small shaky laugh that turned into a soft sob.

You immediately began to rub his back in soothing circles, leaving tender kisses all over the side of his face until he began to lean into you.

“Would you like me to play it?” you asked him gently.

He slowly peeled his gaze away from the record to look at you. As his big brown puppy dog eyes began to sparkle, he slowly nodded as if in a daze. He had gotten so used to hearing the song only in his memory, had both dreaded and hoped for this moment over and over again. As you put the record on and the song began to float across the room, it felt too surreal for him to grasp.

The music sounded even softer than you had imagined it. And so much more comforting than Poe remembered.

It sounded like the warmth of his Mom’s hand caressing his face and his parents’ laughter and tickle fights and the smell of his Mom’s baking and Kes scooping him up to carry him on his shoulders and morning cuddles and running towards his parents’ embrace. Both of them holding out their hands for him.

Just like you did now.

“Dance with me?” you asked him softly. Warm and open and welcoming while still giving him all the room that he might need.

Poe’s tears fell more slowly this time. As you laid your arms around him, pulling him towards you, swaying both of you to the soft rhythm of the music, he didn’t fight the soft and shaky sobs that turned another layer of destructive pain and grief into hopeful feelings of comfort and familiarity and home.

His head found his place leaning on your shoulder as your cheek came to rest against his. You held him gently and at the same time so close that there seemed to be no room left for anything that might hurt him. And yet your embrace was so soft that he knew he could trust you with his wounded bare heart in your hands.

As he wept in your arms, you kept caressing over his curls, leaving a trail of soft kisses along his hairline until his tears began to mix with your own. The moment Poe noticed the wet streaks running down your face, his eyes widened in alarm and he quickly reached up to wipe your tears away. But you gently laid your hands on his and shook your head with a sparkly-eyed smile.

“Don’t worry about those, Poe. Not all tears are bad.”

And Poe’s eyes that had been sparkling with tears of pain and sorrow slowly began to sparkle with something else.

It might not have been quite what he had imagined the first time to be like. Dancing to his parents’ song in the light of the Christmas tree with his own special someone.

Yet as his sobs subsided to the gentle rhythm of your soft kisses to his face and your hands tenderly smoothing over his hair, right now in this moment, he felt like the luckiest person in the universe.

Except for one thing.

When he let out an involuntary sigh, you pressed one more kiss to the top of his head before asking, “Why don’t you call him? Ask him to come over for Christmas?”

“Who?” Poe raised his head in mild confusion.

“Your father?” you smiled.

“How did…” Trailing off and letting out another sigh, Poe began to shake his head. “Me and my father stopped doing Christmas years ago. I don’t even have his number.”

“Well, funny thing…”

As Poe began to raise his eyebrows, you allowed yourself to break into a mischievous little grin, making him smile through his tears.

“I spoke to Auntie Leia the other day, and…” you began.

“…she had his number and gave it to you?” Poe finished your sentence in only mild disbelief.

“Of course she did,” you nodded and smiled again. “I don’t know how but it’s like she knew.”

Poe shook his head, unable to suppress a soft giggle. “She always does.”

You hesitated a little before you asked him, “Did you know that your father keeps asking after you whenever he meets her?”

Sobering up immediately, Poe lowered his gaze to the ground, furrowing his brow. “No, I… I didn’t…”

“Hey…” Cupping his face and gently guiding him to look at you again, you asked, “I can call him for you if you don’t feel up to it?” Your eyes softened before you added, “And no, Poe… I don’t think that would be ‘silly’.”

Poe let out a shaky breath he hadn’t realized he had been holding. “Could you do that for me…?”

So you did. And less than an hour later, Kes was standing at your door. His knock was so soft and cautious that you would have missed it, had you not been on your way to the kitchen at exactly that moment.

He was shivering from the cold as it looked like he hadn’t even bothered to take the time and find appropriate clothes for the freezing temperatures outside. Yet when you had introduced yourself and motioned quickly for him to come in and step into the warmth, he hesitated.

“Are you really sure that Poe wants to see me?” he asked full of doubt.

You gave him a reassuring smile. “Yes he does. Of course he does! We just didn’t expect you to be here so early.”

“Oh… if you want me to come back later…”

“No, no, please… come in! You must be freezing.”

As Kes stepped into the light of your flat, you could see the clear remnants of tears on his face that had been hastily wiped away. And your heart broke for him just as it had for his son.

Poe had spent the last half hour bent over your record player, carefully removing remnants of dust from the needle and the grooves of the record. Deeply focused on his work, he gave a little start when you entered the living room, announcing brightly, “Look who is here, sweetie.”

“Hello, Poe!”

Turning around, Poe let out a soft, “Hey…” before clearing his throat and saying more firmly, “I am glad that you came.”

“Really?!”

His father’s reaction threw him off for a few moments. Was he really so utterly convinced that Poe wouldn’t want to see him?

Kes had to swallow a few times as he began to fumble nervously with the handle of the bag he had brought with him.

“Oh… these are for you!” he finally said, producing a huge bag of chocolate koyo berries.

Poe gasped in surprise. “But… these take days to make, how did you…?”

The smile that spread across Kes’ face somehow made him look even sadder. “I still make them every year, just in case you might... Never mind, you probably don’t even like them anymore, I just thought…”

Taking a step towards Kes, Poe reassured him, “No, no, of course I still love them, that’s really thoughtful of you… Dad!”

For a brief moment, Poe’s gaze flickered over to you and you started the record player. It took only a few notes for Kes to recognize the melody and his eyes widened, displaying a myriad of emotions.

“I… I’ve been searching everywhere,” he whispered. “I thought that maybe if I could find it, if I could just… you might…” Kes’ voice broke and he closed his eyes for a moment, trying to gain his composure.

When he opened them again, his son was standing right in front of him, offering his hand to his Dad. The look in his eyes was neither angry nor reproachful, but open and warm and encouraging with maybe a slightly pleading undertone. And it hit him full force just how much Poe reminded him of Shara in that moment.

Clasping a hand over his mouth, Kes let out a half-stifled shaky sob as his eyes began to glisten with tears. Taking a careful step towards his son, he took Poe’s hand into both of his. Placing the softest of kisses on his son’s hand, he gently held it against his chest right above his heart.

“Oh, Poey,” he whispered. “I am so... I am so…”

The moment his voice faltered again, Poe pulled his Dad into a hug. This drew a surprised little gasp from Kes before he threw his arms around his son, holding him closer than he had ever held him before. Like he was never going to let him go again. He knew that he might not be able to make up for lost time. But he could show Poe how much he meant to him right here and right now. Between violent sobs and desperate kisses to his temple and his cheek, Kes pulled his son close over and over again.

“Me, too!” Poe whispered through his own tears. “It’s okay, Dad… I love you!”

Maybe okay wasn’t exactly the right word. Maybe it was never really gonna be okay again. But as they both clung to each other, it certainly felt more okay than it had in a very long time. Maybe this could be the beginning of creating their new okay.

As his Dad’s desperate kisses slowly turned softer, he pulled back just enough to be able to gently cup his son’s face in his hands. “I love you, too, Poe. So so so damn much!”

You were just about to sneak out of the door to give them some room when Poe softly called out to you, “Hey… c’mere!”

They both invited you to join them with open arms. There may have been some feet casualties before the three of you found your rhythm but those were easily laughed away.

Christmas Eve turned into Christmas Day and Poe was still dancing. Safe and snug in a hug sandwich between the two people that he loved more than anything else in this world and who loved him just as much in return.

As Poe’s face once again found his familiar place in the crook of your neck, he mumbled, “I wish my Mom could have met you. I really wish that she could have been here with us just one more time.”

“I think she is, Poe!”

Instead of an answer, he let out a little sob against your shoulder, hugging both you and his Dad a little tighter, as Kes gently ruffled his hair.

And when Poe looked up again and his gaze came to rest on the star at the top of the Christmas tree, he could have sworn that it shone brighter than he could ever remember.

Sometimes life may cause you wounds that seem to hurt so deeply that all the time in the universe wouldn’t be able to heal them.

And sometimes… sometimes all you need to make the pain a little more bearable is someone to take your hand, hold you gently, kiss you softly and tell you that they love you.

Thank you for reading 💜

[matan4il]

911 ep 707 first watch reactions

Oh man, I'm actually not sure I have that much to say about this ep.

The entire plot with Mara and her brother Tyson was very sweet, very nice, and way too convenient. One day, shows are going to stop using the phrase, "There must be something you can do!" like it's some secret magic phrase, that makes this sentiment into a reality, AND turns the person addressed into someone willing to risk everything, in order to do that one thing they can do, which is usually something they're very much not supposed to... That said, Denny was sweet, Mara was lovely, her with Tyson was very endearing, and Henren continued to rule.

The storyline with Maddie was nicely handled, both her trauma, and the way Chim helped her use it to figure out the case and help save everyone from the stalker. My little Madney heart absolutely loved it. And Maddie's distress over a baby involved felt very real and understandable, when she's a mom herself now.

But then in a sense, it was clear this has no long term repercussions, other than bringing Brad into contact with Bobby. With his burn scars, and what we know about the fire that Bobby caused in the past, we can guess where this is headed. I trust that 911 will delve into this coming clash with the same humaneness with which it tackles most storylines.

But I'll be honest, I don't really like where Eddie's headed. I know Shannon scarred him deeply, but he was able to let go of her, and allow her to walk away from him twice while she was alive. It's weird if it's now being implied that the reason why he was never able to move on to another serious r/s is that he was stuck on her. The way she died was traumatic and painful, and it made sense that, even accepting that they as a couple were over, he had a hard time dealing with her death, but Eddie seemingly moved on in s4 at the latest. It feels a bit like they don't really know what to do with him, and how to move him on, so they keep going in circles with his character. Kinda like they were with Buck in s6. None of what we saw in that season helped Buck get to some major breakthroughs that we've seen in this one, so this current storyline with Eddie might end in the same way.

I'm not saying it doesn't have the potential to move him forward, and I'm sure it will be presented as if it has whether it actually does or doesn't (kinda like how 618 presented Buck and Natalia as a move forward, even though it very obviously was not), but right now, I'm not enjoying it. I also... even with this idea of having Eddie run into a Shannon look-a-like, I feel they could have gone in a lot of different ways, and the one where he goes on a date with her while having a serious gf he's essentially cheating on, it just doesn't feel great, or true to Eddie's values. Which can be the point, right? That sometimes we're so shaken up, we do stuff that's uncharacteristic. If that's where they'll take it, then it's working, 'coz right now, everything about this feels a little off. Let's hope they do something actually constructive with this, and give Eddie real progress (rather than just give Tim an opportunity to re-use an actress he already said he really likes).

Small mandatory Buddifer moment was really lovely, even if far from what my shipper heart would want. Then again, I honestly feel it's so funny that Buck is dating Tommy, while being married to Eddie, his actual baby daddy. If there aren't a lot of fics shipping all three men already, then IDK fandom.

Thank you for reading! If you’re looking for more, you can find my s7 reactions tag here, and more of my Buddie meta and content in my pinned post. xoxox

[bronx-bomber87]

Happy Monday wonderful fandom :) This episode. It doesn’t need much of an intro. I remember just being so excited I couldn’t stand it ha (how I'll be in 36 days for the premiere) I had to wait an extra day cause I have Hulu and not live cable. This one is just amazing from start to finish. Once again did my best to get everything in within the limits of tumblr. 30 is just never enough especially in this season ha Off we go.

5x10 The List

Our babies get the cold open as they should this is basically their episode. They deserve the open and what a cold open it is. I can’t get over how much I love them both emptying out their closets. I wanna break this down with Tim first then Lucy. Our boy is SO SO nervous it’s so cute I cannot stand it. He wants to look good for Lucy and I wanna squee so hard at that. He’s trying so hard for her and my heart is gonna implode.

My fav for him personally was the black shirt cause god damn he looked delectable in it. But they’re all fine af on him. Man is a delicious treat we all get to enjoy with our eyes. The way he stretches out his arms each time trying to calm his nerves. It’s so cute. Loved them showing how very nervous they both were. Be still my heart.

Let’s move to Lucy. She of course is just as nervous as Tim. It’s precious. I also adore the nod to previous moments for them as she looks at her dresses. The ones from wonderful moments such as 4x12 and 4x18. Lucy looking at them and rolling her eyes. Having just as much of a struggle as Tim. Saw a good parallel between this and Bailey with her first date with John. Wanting to look hot but not too hot. Ha She nails that BTW When she finally lands on her final choice.

Tim is nervous and uncertain so what does he do? He calls Lucy. Because he doesn’t know what to wear to this. What does one wear when they’re in love with their best friend and going on their first date? So he defaults to calling his best friend about his problem. It just so happens he’s also going to be on a date with said best friend. hehe I love them so much I might die haha

Lucy sees Tim calling and immediately picks up. Makes me happy how open and honest they are right off the bat. Tim knows she isn’t ready because he isn’t ready. Just knows her so damn well. Lucy asking if he’s ready? The cute panic in his voice when he says ‘No!’ Oh my lord I cannot. Eric crushed that line. His panic continuing through asking her if this place has a dress code?

Lucy deciding messing with him is more fun than helping him. Saying he could wear cargo shorts if he wanted….Tim believing her for a moment. Then realizing what she’s doing. Calling her out for it. He is all smiles when he does though. My goodness this man is happy. So very nice to see. I love his Lucy smile it does things to me. Lucy rolls her eyes but is beaming just as much at his reply. This scene is them being love struck idiots and I’m here for it.

He couldn’t be cuter asking her what she’s wearing? Trying his best to match up. Lucy tells him she has a lot of outfits she knows she isn’t going to wear. LOL Tim reminding her about traffic is the most married thing. Doesn’t want her to be late. To their first date. Which is beyond adorable in itself. They’re both so excited I’m feeling their excitement as they get ready.

Lucy says it’s silly she knows. She just needs to make a decision. Then decides to go with the iconic green dress from 3x14. Tim knows exactly what dress that is when she mentions it. The man is legit beaming when she says that's her pick. Have we ever seen this man this happy? The answer is no LOL

He is so damn excited they’re doing this. Her picking the dress means it’s really happening. Lucy tells him it’s decided then looks in the mirror and says ‘No…’ I was rolling so hard. Melissa and Eric CRUSHED this scene. Hell this entire episode really. Cracks me up she changed her mind last minute but it’s a damn good change up as we will see below.

The awkwardness that is them begins at the restaurant. Talking about bread and the assortment being good. LMFAO What are you guys doing? It’s so funny to see Tim being so incredibly not smooth. He could not be more obvious in checking her out above. Man likes what he see’s and isn’t being subtle about it at all. Elevator gaze and no shame in the game as he does.

Lucy’s little shimmy. I’m dying. She’s very glad she decided to change from the green dress. As she should my god what a bombshell she is in that outfit. Holy hell. She nailed it. Shows off her body, plunging neckline, with the perfect necklace, and just enough cleavage she got Tim checking her out shamelessly.

Lucy came to play with this dress. She knew exactly what she was doing when she picked that whole outfit out. I think she’s very excited he’s checking her out. There’s a look of pride on her face above. Lucy knew she was driving him wild and was feeling pretty damn powerful in this moment. She has Tim Bradford panting after her. So she should be feeling as such. Well done my friend haha

Let's not over look Tim looking fine af too. I see you Tim. Mighty delicious. You know him looking hot as hell is part of Lucy's nerves as well. He dressed that way for her. So you know that's making her feel some things. They try and do some small talk and it’s quite painful tbh lmao. No one does awkward better than Eric and Melissa though. Talking about what they ordered for dinner. It's so awkward but I love it so much at the same time. Why you ask?

Because this means so much to the both of them. Neither of them want to mess it up or say the wrong thing. So they’re radiating nervous jitters. Which is adorable. Lucy answers his question that she ordered the sea bass. Tim continuing the small talk train replying he almost ordered the sea-bass.... Lucy’s reply ‘Oh, cool…’ Is it though? LOL I’m rolling at how stilted this whole conversation is. Not like them at all.

Lucy points out the awkwardness between them because she can’t not. Asking him why this is so weird? Poor Tim the panic and gulping he does when she says this. We see his eyes bulge a little too. He’s so worried she’s going to want to bail on this now. That she is regretting doing this at all. He wants this to work so badly. He’s afraid he’s messed this up already. My poor love. He is so nervous that it spills into his next comment. Awkward Tim is hilariously adorable.

He instantly regrets saying ‘Naked time.’ the minute it leaves his beautiful lips. You can see it written all over his face. Being as smooth as crunchy peanut butter my love... He has sex on the brain because of that outfit. Hence his comment. She looks so beautiful his brain is actually melting LOL Lucy is smiling so hard at his nervousness though. She loves her goober so much. Lucy knows how he is feeling what she is. So she doesn’t give him too much crap for the comment but her face and reply say it all for her haha

Lucy decides this is the time for them to have convo about expectations. I commend her for sharing this right away. It was good for her to set this boundary early on. These two are one massive boiling cauldron of UST ready to overflow. It was an important tone for her set for them. Lucy is just wanting them to date first. See what it is like to be a couple before entering into the physical part of this all. This really was a smart move on her part IMO.

We all love the sexy times and we get lots of it this season. But it was important they took their time like they did. Just like I was glad they didn’t get together in 5x01. I was glad they didn't rush this either. Delayed gratification is a beautiful thing. I LOVE how Tim is staring so lovingly at her as she says all this. That man would’ve done ANYTHING she wanted in this moment. Absolutely anything. He could not be more in love with her if he tried. Look at that man above as she speaks.

Looking like she hung the moon and stars. He would do whatever it is she wanted. Because he’s so gone for her. Lucy could’ve asked for the world and he would've delivered just simply because she asked. There is no hesitation or regret on his face. He is truly listening and wanting to do whatever she is comfortable with. Eric just crushing it out here with his facial expressions. He would give her whatever she wants whenever she wants it. That’s what his face is screaming to me In this moment. She has him hook, line and sinker.

Tim hears the back door open and looks up. Lucy sees the panic on his face and gives him crap for it. Asking if he’s worried someone from station will see them? Tim shrugs it off and says 'What are the chances? ' A fight breaks out in the kitchen and Lucy seems worried about it. Tim tries to play it off not wanting it to interrupt their date.

He just wants this date to go well so badly. Doesn’t want whatever this is to get in the way. Sadly it doesn’t go their way and the employees end up fighting and knife is drawn. Unfortunately the cops are called and their dinner is ruined. Lucy making the comment ‘What are the chances someone from the station walks in now?’ HA

They both look so sad and exasperated their date was ruined like this. All they wanted was to enjoy a meal together. Figure this whole thing out while they did so. AMAZING cold open for them though holy hell. Excellent way to open up this episode for them. Lots of goodness in it. I knew we were in for quite a ride from getting all that in the open alone.

The next morning they could not be more suspicious or obvious if they tried. Trying to figure out how to explain their presence in the police report. This whole scene is hilarious. It’s like they don’t know the entire station doesn’t suspect something to begin with…Trying so hard not to stand super close to each other while they figure this out. They’re so bad at hiding this it’s insane. So good at their jobs so very bad at this. I love Lucy just wanting to be open and honest about them. Chris had to drag every single moment out of her for months. Was like pulling teeth. Half a date with Tim she’s ready to shout it from the rooftops.

*sigh* I love this sfm. Tim warns her the dangers of them doing that this early on. He’s not wrong about Smitty LMFAO. It’s so true. Lucy’s brain kicks into gear saying could’ve been doing a UC OP. Tim getting excited by her brain. They start flirting while figuring this out. Their chemistry just coming off them in waves. The back and forth banter as they work out the details. The irony of them being all smiles and flirty while trying to hide their date. I cannot with these two dorks. Tim is beaming with love and pride by the time they’re done plotting.

Once again so bad at hiding your feelings and or relationship you two so bad…I saw a funny post saying this scene was a 'How to on not being good at hiding your secret relationship. ' LMAO YEP. John arriving and Lucy just going off about their OP without him even asking. I’m dying so much it’s hilarious. Tim going into protect Lucy mode when John is confused is everything. Telling Nolan decisively 'Nothing.' When he questions what they're talking about? Mmm tell him babe. Doesn’t want Nolan on their trail whatsoever. Good thing it was John though cause dude didn’t notice at all. He is a space cadet so they dodge a bullet.

They get called into Grey’s office for a heart attack basically. The way he starts off you think he is talking about them. The absolute panic on both of their faces. Especially Tim’s oh my lord. I love how Tim goes to reach out to comfort Lucy and has to stop himself. Now does Grey know at this point? I mean yeah probably.

I know lots of people think Grey was being a troll in this moment. Poking at them and knowing for sure when he had this talk with them. To gauge their reactions. I mean they are showing their cards like crazy in this scene. Their reactions alone are enough to solidify what I’m sure Grey suspects.

Luckily he says he’s just talking about Celia and Aaron. We watch them both relax and deflate their anxiety a bit. So happy Grey isn’t talking about them in this moment. He asks them if they’ll go and talk about this with them? Doesn’t want Celina to get off track in her rookie year. That Aaron is just out of long sleeves. They’re both so relieved they just say yes LMAO They would've agreed to anything to get out of his office at that point.

Tim holding the door for her my damn heart. Chivalry isn't dead with that man and I love it. There was a BTS post on how Eric wanted Tim to do that for her. Because well Tim Bradford and all that. It's just who he is. Of course he would hold the door for his girl. This next scene is pure married energy. Tim dreading having to have this conversation with Aaron. The last thing he wants to be doing but doesn't have a choice now that he's agreed HA

Lucy feeling it’s hypocritical if she tells Celina not to. Then realizes she can use Nolan to her advantage LMAO Smart woman being smart. Tim calls her out for cheating haha Or is she just being strategic Timothy? Lucy leaves him in the dust before he can pout any further with her. Tim being the exasperated husband as she walks away from him with her plan in place. Her 'Mmhmm.' as she leaves lol

We rejoin our beautiful couple on the sidelines of a hostage situation. One of the guys from Nyla’s bank robber situation has taken one. They’re all in a standoff waiting to see what they should do. Lucy commenting on the severity of the situation. Trying to make a light joke. Saying 'Remember when dating in secret was their biggest problem?' Love her using ‘Our’ it’s the little things.

Lucy asking him how his talk with Aaron went? Tim bringing up all the things that make their situation ‘problematic.’ To say the least. Yeah it sucks they have to face this stuff. But nothing worth having is ever easy. I love them forging forward despite this. Because as they decided in 5x08. They are worth the risk.

They needed time to figure this out despite the possible complications. So yeah there were potential problems but they were worth the risk of all those. They both knew it. It's why they didn’t bail at the first sign of possible issues. I just love it. It’s what makes 5x12 and the decision Tim makes so prominent and special.

They end up saving the woman who was taken hostage earlier. Unfortunately there is still two more on the run. Tim and Aaron get wind of them and end up in a parking structure. They make it to the top and don’t see them waiting for them. They push them to the very edge and leave them hanging. Literally. This is where Aaron becomes a damn icon. LOL

When Tim tells him to get out of the shop Aaron’s reply is the actual best. We all knew he suspected but this line of his confirms it. Also he’s not wrong…Lucy would kill him for letting Tim die. Kills me Aaron always telling it like it is to Tim. I love him so very much. He’s just saying what everyone is thinking. Being the mouth piece for the fandom once again. Tim doesn’t deny it but tells him to get out of the shop. LMFAO

They make it back to the station and Lucy is of course with Tim. Like a moth to a flame. Telling him she’s glad he didn’t die. Since he owes her for a re-do on their date. Tim being as sassy as can be in his reply. First off could they be any closer in this shot? Second the smirks and flirting are telling everyone in that bullpen what you’re trying so hard to hide you two lol my god. Tim is eating it up her wanting another date and it shows.

She is once again affectionately violent in her reply with Tim. He is all smiles when she says this too. The man is an open book of love for her. He couldn’t be happier with this banter going into their ‘second’ date. Anyone watching them can see something has changed but they're too lost in their own banter to notice that. Damn I love these two goobers so very much I might implode haha

Ahhhhh the Treats of Vietnam scene. I can’t get over how damn close these two are. It’s why that far away shot of them is my avatar. They are as close as two people can be in public sitting across from each other. She is basically sitting between his legs and I’m losing my mind about it everyone. Bouncing her leg against his. Legs for days and I'm ship drunk off this alone tbh. Also want to comment on how much I love the lighting in this scene.

The lights above them set this beautiful relaxed tone I adore so much. Tim making a slight joke thinking it's funny this where they ended up. Going from a super fancy romantic restaurant to a food truck. Saying he guesses this is their official first date. Lucy coming in hot with a curveball of an answer. Blowing his damn mind like only she can. Saying last night was for sure. Better story for the grandkids.

I love her face after she says this. Just gauging his reaction. No regrets whatsoever in saying this. This is the same Lucy Chen who couldn’t handle calling Chris her his GF. Legit panicked about it and fought him on it. Was one giant commitment issue with that boy. Half a date with Tim she’s thinking about grandkids with him. Lucy said she wanted to take it slow in the bedroom. She didn’t say anything about their life plans LOL *squee* She is so all in and this line screams that. Makes my shipper heart so damn happy.

Tim isn’t at all upset about her reply. This man was in a relationship with a woman who didn’t want any of that. Didn’t want any of his dreams. Now here comes Lucy Chen. Talking about grandkids on their second date. His face is pure joy. His dreams coming true with this woman next to him. He is beside himself with happiness. It’s written all over his face. Tim is giddy really. Lucy’s cute giggle afterwards I cannot. Her man making her laugh *heart clutch*

These two are gonna kill me with their cuteness. Give me diabetes from how sweet they are. Lord. Tim having cop eyes can’t help but see the idiot trying to break into a car. Says his frustration out loud. The last thing he wants is another interruption with his girl. Lucy is so lost in her date with Tim she doesn’t even see this guy. Which I love. She is so wrapped up in him her cop eyes are off. Not seeing this guy on her radar at all.

Tim doesn’t even get up from their spot. Just yells at the moron and shows his badge. Not wanting to do more than that. Lucy pointing out he’s just going to steal a car in another neighborhood. Which Tim could care less about tbh. The only thing that matters to him in this moment is her. It’s why this next line is so god damn romantic. We truly see how far Tim has come in this moment.

Why is this growth you ask? Because Tim ‘rules matters’ Bradford is picking his girl in this moment. She is more important than chasing some punk for breaking into a car. To touch back on an OTP line from S2. ‘Some things matter more.’ Lucy matters more in this moment to him. More than anything else and he’s letting her know that. Telling her in his own way she matters more to him.

I’m losing my ever loving mind at how romantic this is. I adore him declaring this and being the one to initiate their first real kiss. Lucy looks so in shock. Wondering if this is real life? Did Tim Bradford just pick her over arresting someone? Over the rules? He sure did and he would do it again. Nothing is going to stand in his way of being with her tonight.

Gah it’s the way he softly touches her hair and gently cups her face with his hand. Looking at her like she is the most precious thing in the world to him. Because she is. Let’s be honest she is. Lucy brought this man back to life in so many ways. There is nothing more important to him especially in this moment than her. Never be over her face when he touches her hair. Like she can't believe Tim is looking at her the way he is.

I adore Lucy smiling into this kiss. I’m sure she can’t believe her own luck right now. The man she loves, loves her right back and chose her in this moment. Over everything else he wanted to stay present in this moment with her. His hand on her face while the other is on her THIGH. Her thigh everyone. His love for her thighs continues on in this first real kiss. It was bouncing earlier against his. I'm sure he put it there partly to ground her during this kiss. Also because we all know he has a penchant for them hehe

I’ll never be over how tender and soft this kiss is. The complete opposite of the two they’ve shared before. Those were hot don’t get me wrong so very hot. But this one has a lovely tenderness to it that makes me giddy. The wind soft picking up her hair as they melt into one another. It’s the perfect first kiss. His hand in her hair, his other on her thigh, Lucy smiling dreamily into their kiss. I am a puddle.

It just shows it was never about the right restaurant or outfit. It was just about being together. This scene showing how at ease these two are with each other. That’s beautiful base of friendship they built over the years coming in clutch here. They just look at home with each other this entire scene. *dreamy sigh* Makes my soul happy.

If you didn't watch this scene million and one times when it premiered you're lying haha Hell I did it this time around. I remember losing my damn mind with this scene. Never be over how easily they went from friends to this. Every moment leading up to this is utter perfection. Beautiful start to something more.

~~~

Side notes -Non Chenford

Nolan’s conversation with Celina was so painfully awkward and hilarious I loved her reply to him asking about Aaron she crushed it.

Also Tim is sexy af figuring out how to get that woman out from her car like he did. Mmm love watching that man in the field. Delicious to say the least to watch him in action.

Aaron and Celina playing D & D 😂😂😂 made me laugh so hard. Aaron is SO embarrassed.

I forgot to thank you all last episode. Apologies thank you all who continue to support these reviews. I adore you all more than you will ever know. Your likes, comments and reblog are everything to me. Especially as I tackle these seminal moments in s5. I shall see you all in 5x11 :)

[striderepiphany]

My favorite reddie fics masterpost

I have an absolutely insane number of reddie fics saved in my bookmarks for how recently I joined this fandom so I decided to share my absolute favorites with you. Please give these authors some love and let me know which ones are you've read and enjoyed!

the year of the goat and your kid back by derryfacts2

1 chapter, 14,838 words, No Archive Warnings Apply. Summary: The day you get the most important email of your life, there’s a new black skidmark on the wall of the stairwell, and you know exactly whose fault it is. “Margaret,” you intone to the harried, wild-haired woman in the lobby. She sighs at you as she tries to jimmy her mail key loose. “I know.” It wouldn’t even be that bad if the kid would just skateboard outside. Or get good at skateboarding. Either of those things. Maggie’s a nice lady, though, and she’s had “trying my best” scribbled all over her since they moved into 6B maybe eight years ago. So you try not to be a dick, even if her son is a gold-standard pain in the ass. He’s good for three things: smells, noise, and reminding you how big Eddie must be by now.

The first It fic I read that made me go "holy shit, this is fantastic" and remains one of my all-timers (hence why its first in this list). Really fun and unique outsider POV from Eddie's estranged gay dad, and tells a very sweet story mostly through dialogue. Young adult Eddie and Richie are very cute.

i think the clock is slow by derryfacts2 (again)

3 chapters, 15,815 words, No Archive Warnings Apply. Summary: So there was that reason that work wasn’t boring, too. There was Richie’s soppy campaign of making cow eyes at the back of Eddie’s head as he passed, gently pressing Betty for details about his personal life (“I don’t think he has one. He had this awful fiancé a few years ago, but we’re all glad that’s over”), and chasing the incomparable high of a quiet, muttered “Thanks, Rich” whenever Richie picks something up for him from the copier.

Richie is a wannabe stand-up comic daylighting as the receptionist at Eddie's office. Eddie is a tightly-wound corporate asshole. They are both disasters. Or: five times Richie watched Eddie and one that Eddie watched him back.

I really enjoy workplace dramas and this one satisfied the itch so well. So many good scenes and dialogue, this author characterizes them in a way that really works for me. The perfect read-in-an-afternoon fic.

listen to my heart (can you hear it sing?) by vampirerising

12 chapters, 137,708 words, Major Character Death. Summary: "You need to wake up now,” Stan says softly. “This isn’t real.”

“I know, but I can’t,” Richie sobs. “I don’t want to be here.” Not again. Never again. It is dead, why is It still haunting him?

Stan fixes him with one of those looks of his, the one where he can see his every thought as if it were written on his face. “That’s not true, Trashmouth.”

Alternatively: We all know Richie gets caught in the Deadlights, but do we really know what happens after?

(Deadlights, timelines, Stan’s ghostly meddling—oh, my.)

This one is fucking weird in a way that I absolutely adore. Kind of like a sci-fi novel in that it requires you to pay attention to figure out what the fuck is going on but its so good and worth it. The MCD is Stan, not Eddie, and the last couple chapters are actually a very normal domestic Eddie lives AU. One of the first reddie artworks I made was fanart for a scene from this fic that I really enjoy.

a strange sense of familiarity by Katranga

21 chapters, 103,571 words, No Archive Warnings Apply. Summary: "So Eddie, what brings you to the bar tonight?" Richie asked. "Gonna rebound from the divorce? Pick up a hot young twenty-something to feel young again?” “Fuck you,” Eddie said, jutting his chin forward. “What a terrible way to ruin the mood.” “I’m sorry, all my moods are poorly cultivated. What mood were you looking for?” A nervous lump grew in Eddie's throat. He threw back his drink to get rid of it.

Hand wrapped around the glass he’d just slammed back onto the bar, he said, “The mood that gets me leaving with a schlubby forty-something.”

Pre-chapter two, Eddie and Richie meet and don't remember each other, but have an instant connection anyway...

This one is just... so fucking good. Decently long without ever feeling like it's dragging. Part 1 is them developing their totally-casual-I-swear relationship, which blows up right when Mike calls them back to Derry. Part 2 is them navigating both killing a nightmare clown demon and the awkwardness between them. Also everybody lives! So that's nice.

change partners by avacadomoon (with podfic available)

1 chapter, 30,453 words, No Archive Warnings Apply. Summary: "Rich," Eddie says heavily. Meaningfully, and Richie holds his breath, both afraid and hopeful that Eddie is about to say something really sappy, like I always knew and it didn't matter to me, or you know I support you no matter what. Eddie takes a deep breath before he speaks, and Richie closes his eyes, braced for it. "I didn't look at your dick pics."

"Well hey, Eds, thanks," Richie says, laughing incredulously. "Thanks for that."

I LOVE THIS ONE SOOO FUCKING MUCH. I urge you to consider this as a rec for this author as well, as they have a bunch of other reddie fics I think are fantastic. I have a weakness for any reddie fic that lets them be just a little mean to each other. As a treat. (Also the podfic is very well done, you should check that out too.)

check raise by avacodomoon

1 chapter, 15,061 words, No Archive Warnings Apply. Summary: "Eddie, not a fan of stand up comedy, not a fan of his beer," Rich says, leaning back on one elbow and squinting at him, like he's lining him up in a camera lens frame, "but what is he doing drinking alone?"

"I was alone, and now I'm not," Eddie says. "Some prick sat down next to me and started yapping."

"Ah, unpleasant to talk to," Rich concludes. "Explains a lot."

I know I meant the last rec as a blanket rec for all this author's works but I'm including this one specifically because it has a twist ending that is well-foreshadowed and it slapped my dick clean off.

Things that Happen after Eddie Lives by IfItHollers

11 chapters, 107,947 words, Author Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings. Summary: In a world where Richie manages to save Eddie from It after the deadlights, they still have problems on their to-do list. Featuring everything from Derry to Los Angeles—Richie Tozier's murder trial, Eddie Kaspbrak's divorce proceedings, bedsharing of the platonic and non-platonic varieties, an investigation of magic, a truly disgusting séance, the quintessential morosexual road trip, and OH MY GOD THEY WERE ROOMMATES.

Definitely NOT your average Eddie lives AU. Drama! Mild peril! Psychic abilities! The ghost of Stanley Uris collect calling from beyond the grave via Richie Tozier's vocal chords! Fun and freaky and weird. Three things that make any fic a Josh favorite.

I'm going to stop there because I'm sleepy but let me know if you want more! Like I said I've got like 70 of these lovingly tucked in my bookmarks and I'm happy to share with the class.

[companionjones]

It’s Not Real

Pairing: John B x Reader

Fandom: Outer Banks (Netflix)

Summary: John B has a bad dream.

Warnings: Angst

*******

    John B stormed out of his house with you following him.

    “Don’t walk away from me John B!” you yelled after him. You begged, “Don’t walk away from us.”

    John B couldn’t remember ever being more angry as he turned to you. “Don’t put this on me. You know how important this is to me, and you’re getting in the way!”

    “I’m trying to save your life!”

    John B just groaned.

    “You are constantly putting your life at risk with these quests. One of those days, it’s going to catch up to you!”

    “I don’t care if it catches up to me, I don’t care if I lose my life, I don’t care if I lose you! This treasure is more important than any of that.”

    “What did you just say?” You looked more hurt than you ever had.

    John B didn’t think twice. “You heard me. You’re not helping me anymore. There’s no reason for you to be around. I want you and your stuff gone by the time I get back.” He opened the door to the Twinkie.

    “John.” You called to him but he didn’t look at you as he climbed into the driver’s seat.

    The next time he spared you a glance was through his rear view mirror. You had tears in your eyes as your knees hit the ground.

    John B burst up in bed with a loud gasp. He ripped off his blankets because he was about to run back to you--he couldn’t bare to see you crying like that--but he felt a hand on his arm. The sensation caused another gasp in his lungs even though they were busy catching his breath. John B looked over to the side of the bed the arm came from and saw your barely awake form.

    “Johnny?” your sleep-filled voice called out to him.

    “Y/n?” John B leaned down and seized your cheek with his hand.

    Your eyes were barely open, and you were blinking a lot from sleep. You responded, “Yeah...What’s wrong baby?”

    The fact that it was just a dream finally hit John B. He gave you a quick kiss, then buried his face in the crook of your neck. “Thank god. I thought I had lost you.”

    You started to gain some awareness as well. “You didn’t. I’m here. What happened?”

    “I had a dream. We got into a fight over my obsession with the treasure. I kicked you out.”

    “John--”

    He looked at you. “I said so many hurtful things to you--”

    “John B.” You brushed some hair out of his face. “It’s not real. It was all a dream.”

    He hid his face in the crook of your neck again. “I’m sorry.”

    “It’s okay, it’s okay,” you comforted him. You pulled him away from you and pressed your forehead against his. “I love you,” you told him.

    He smiled. “I love you, too.”

    “Let’s go back to sleep, yeah?”

    John B nodded and settled on top of your chest.

    You wrapped him up in your arms, and kissed his head before falling back asleep.

*******

Author’s Note: Thank you for reading! Fill up that heart and reblog if you liked it. I would also really appreciate a comment, if you have the time. If you would like to read more, check out my masterlist. Have a nice day, night, or whatever time it is for you! <3 <3 <3

[marciaillust]

Hi!! This has probably already been asked but I can’t find anything on it. Do you have any plans to continue with the clockmaster?? I really enjoyed reading it and would love to see more of it if you’re wanting to do anything more with it!! No worries if not though, I just thought it was really funky and it made my brain happy :))

Hi!

Yes, The Clockmaster is absolutely gonna continue!

The reason I stopped making The Clockmaster is a series of events, the major one being that 3 years ago I suffered an arm injury that came with 24/7 chronic pain, which really took a toll on me and my relationship with drawing. For a period of time I couldn't create and after that drawing anything came with soul destroying pain which made it impossible to create new pages on a weekly basis. I am still dealing with it but after 3 years of physio and what not I am doing better than ever, and as you might have seen I'm even making comics again :)

I know the comic's been gone for quite some time but I have not lost any interest in making it. More than that, during my break I learned a lot about storytelling, making comics, making my process more efficient among many other things, so I'd like to think when TCM comes back it will be a delightful read haha! I hope the two bigass doujinshis I created during the break stand as a proof of that!

However, when it comes back The Clockmaster will definitely be released in a new format - I don't think I will be doing weekly updates anymore, I will be releasing it in chapters. Longer breaks, but each update will be a nice lengthy read. The main reason for that is that having created two whole comic books during my time away I learned I find it so much easier, more enjoyable and preferable to create and finish comics in their entirety prior to anyone seeing them. I think the doujinshis have much better pacing, the economy of storytelling comes into play big time, and the emotional buildups and payoffs land way better. I want that for The Clockmaster! I want it to be excellent! I want to see the whole dang forest and not just the trees :)

However, to be completely honest, the earliest Clockmaster will come back is winter 2024. The reason for that is so far my schedule is looking positively packed for the upcoming months. Firstly, I want to conclude the 2nd asoryuu doujinshi extravaganza and I predict the last orders will be sent out in March. After that I will be moving between countries. I don't want to disclose too much info about my private life but many things will change for me and things will be hectic at least until August if not September 2024. As I said, I want to release The Clockmaster in bigger chunks now, so the chunk will have to be drawn. That will take months. But it's coming back! Meet me here same time next year and Orion, Rosie and Garret will be right there with me!!

Lasty, to conclude this essay of an answer: Thank you for saying you enjoyed reading it. The Clockmaster is something very dear to my heart and even though I am creating it for myself there is this worrying voice at the back of my head that when it comes back noone will care, that it's been 3 years and everyone forgot, and that it's not fandom stuff so noone will give it the time of the day. But hearing you say you enjoyed reading it makes me feel that art is timeless in its ability to make people feel something and that I am capable of creating of art that does just that :)

[pcrtifacts]

Fandom creators tag game

1. What sort of content do you create, and what is the thing you’ve made that you’re most proud of?

I write stories. Strictly fanfic only; I don’t think I’m quite brave enough to try writing my own stuff. I’m trying to learn how to draw, but I’m a bit too much of a perfectionist so it’s slow going. I’m quite proud of my first CW Supergirl fanfic, make this place your home. I didn’t think people would like it so much.

2. What fandom(s) do you create for?

I’ve only posted things for CW Supergirl, and it’s just the one story plus a oneshot series for Supercorptober. But I’ve tried my hand at a couple other fandoms, namely Assassin’s Creed and Marvel’s X-23. But those aren’t fully fleshed out, more like writing exercises.

3. What is your current favourite ship (or brotp if you prefer), and how controversial is it?

Supercorp. Not sure if it’s controversial? Doesn’t feel like it.

4. For your answer to question 3, are they canon?

THEY ARE CANON IN MY HEART. Seriously though, they’re not explicitly canon on the TV series itself, but I know they were confirmed in the Batwoman comic by the writer.

5. What was your first fandom, and how old were you?

I know it’s controversial now, but the first fandom I really got obsessed with was Harry Potter. I grew up with those books, so since I was around 10, I guess? I’m not quite brave enough to get into fanfic writing for that fandom though, both because of the controversy and because the people over there can be kind of mean from what I’ve seen in comments. I’m sure it’s not everyone, but the Supercorp fandom has been so nice and I think I’m a bit spoiled.

6. What is your most unhinged fandom creation to date?

I haven’t written a lot, but maybe it’s the Spice Girls oneshot for my Supercorptober series? Or maybe the vigilante prompt for the same series, the one where Kara’s an office lunch thief. Idk.

7. Do you remember what started you off creating fandom content, and if so, what was it?

I first started watching Supergirl when it first started, but I fell out of it after S2. Then I got back into it during the lockdowns in 2020, smack in the middle of the big rift, and that was that.

8. Do you let people you know in real life see your fandom creations?

Nope. No one in real life knows.

9. How do you feel about fanworks of fanworks? Has anyone ever made something based on a thing you made?

I love it! I’ve received two pieces of fanworks, both from @thatonebirdwrites, who also tagged me in this game! I wish I could return the favor, but again, I’m not quite confident enough for that. Maybe in the future.

10. What feeling do you most often try to evoke with your creations?

I find that in canon stories, there’s a lot of handwaving over little details in a way that requires a lot of suspension of disbelief. Like in CW’s Supergirl, there’s a lot of vague science and plotholes that drive me crazy. I’m a scientist, so I like trying to infuse my work with realism, and I like making things make sense, if that makes sense lol. I think that goes for both character motivations and for things in the world I write. I usually end up with lots of background information that never makes into the story, but I feel like it makes the story stronger when I find the opportunity to weave it in. Tl;dr, I try to make the world and the characters feel real and grounded.

11. Has someone ever paid your work a compliment (in any form) that has stuck with you, and what was it?

In the same vein as the previous question, a few people have said they enjoy my worldbuilding and storytelling, so that’s lovely.

12. What’s your favourite thing someone else has made that you’ve seen in the last 24 hours (and link it if you can find it again!)

In the last 24 hours? I think it might be an older Supercorp art piece with Kara and Lena snuggled up together with a cat. It was reblogged by @fazedlight under #vintage supercorp, which is awesome because I wasn’t on tumblr at the time a lot of fan stuff was circulating.

13. Give a small sneak preview of something you’re working on right now (eg a couple of sentences of fic from a WIP, a gif set theme, a small piece of a larger picture, whatever you feel happy to share)

Little fluff scene from make this place your home:

“Ahem.”

Kara’s eyes opened when Lena jerked away. Jess was standing in the doorway, an amused, uncomfortable smile on her face. “Miss Luthor, the Danvers are here.”

“Right.” Lena straightened up, discreetly wiping at her mouth with the back of her hand. “We just need five minutes, then you can let them in.”

“Of course.”

Jess shut the door behind her, and Lena stood, clearing out the debris from lunch, and Kara started to help. “Are you upset that Jess saw us?”

Lena chuckled. “Not upset, no. A little embarrassed, maybe; kissing isn’t exactly a workplace activity, after all.”

Kara’s brow furrowed “Should we not do it here, then?” she asked, trying to get a firm grasp on what things were and were not allowed in terms of physical affection. For all that humans enjoyed it, it seemed there were a lot of rules surrounding what was and wasn’t appropriate in different places.

“No, no.” Lena smiled. “It’s fine. Besides, I think Jess will knock from now on.”

“Okay.”

Excerpt from an in-progress medieval omegaverse Supercorp AU:

“Might I cut in for the next dance?”

Lena turned. The clumsy blonde alpha from Krypton was standing there, a hopeful smile on her face. Edge turned as well, chest puffing up at the younger alpha as he exuded dominating pheromones. The Kryptonian straightened but remained perfectly civil. The music had ended, and Lena gladly took the opportunity to step away from the scowling Morgan Edge. “Certainly, my lord.” She cut her eyes back to Edge. “Duke Edge.”

Ignoring his grunted reply, she let the Kryptonian alpha take her hand, and oh, that felt nice. Lena’s hand just fit into the alpha’s warm, not-at-all-clammy one. Lena’s brow furrowed. That, combined with the blonde’s fairly pretty features and her refreshing scent, had Lena’s omega perking its head up.

It was annoying.

She allowed the Kryptonian to lead her back to the dance floor as the musicians started. “Lord Zor-El, is it?”

“Kara, please.” The alpha – Kara – settled her hand on her waist, leading them into an easy waltz. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Lady Luthor.”

14. Have you ever seen/read anything made by the person who tagged you? If so, what was it and what was your favourite thing about it? (pick a favourite if there are several)

Yes! I’ve just caught up on the Shared Moments series by @thatonebirdwrites! It’s a Korrasami rewrite of The Legend of Korra, and the worldbuilding and lore is absolutely world-class; the changes they made to canon are so imaginative and so well thought out. It’s in progress, and I can’t wait to read more.

15. Do you leave comments on fandom works, and if so how would you describe your comment style?

I try, but I’m not very good at doing it consistently. It’s hypocritical, I know, considering how much I appreciate every comment I receive. But I’m trying to do better.

16. How many works in progress do you currently have? Will you finish them all?

I only have one fic that’s currently being posted, but I’ve got another Supercorp fic in the works (see sneak peek above). I have other ideas waiting, but those are probably the main ones. I’m definitely finishing make this place your home, and I do hope to finish my other ideas. There just never seems to be enough time.

17. what’s the longest it’s ever taken you to finish a fandom project?

I haven’t finished any! Not unless Supercorptober counts, and I finished that in the requisite month, by some kind of miracle. Make this place your home has been going for over a year and I really hope to have it done before it reaches two.

18. Describe the thing you made most recently in a way that is technically true, but also completely misleading. Link the thing if it’s published!

I’m gonna pass on this one, not sure I understand how to answer :/

19. Do you ever engage with fanworks for a fandom you’re not in? Which one(s) and how did you get into it?

I guess not? I find it hard to read fanfics if I don’t know the background, let alone write for it.

20. Recommend a fan work from your fandom to your followers

Not sure I have any followers lol. I think one of my favorite fics is The Science Guild by dreiser, which is one of the inspirations I had for a more science-y Kara. It went dormant for a few years but it miraculously updated a couple of weeks ago. But I also want to recommend Confession by TheBirdWrites, which is an absolutely fantastic. I’m still catching up on the sequel fic, Unraveling Realities, and it’s still ongoing, but it’s so good.

I know it’s not great to be a dead end for a tag game, but I don’t really have any mutuals because I’m too shy to follow people, let alone tag them. I did have fun answering this though :)

[mollywobbles867]

I am writing this on my laptop so you know I'm srs

So, I am going to out myself as a former hardcore real people shipper. OGs remember. @ginasaurrr, @gleefullysupernaturalpop, @risti7, @wholove

It was 2009 and my dad had died two years prior. I was a fucking mess. I was a teacher when he died, two months into my first teaching job (that I started a month into the school year so I was fighting for my life when it came to lesson plans). I went back for two weeks after he died, but I was experiencing heavy suicide ideation and was fighting tears through every class. (Note to alert bots, I am okay now after a lot of therapy and medication). I was of no use to those kids and I am so sorry that they had such a shitty teacher that year. My principal was extremely unsupportive, so I went to my union rep and got out of my contract post haste. I started having panic attacks on the regular (figured out much later that I have PMDD so that's why it came in two week cycles).

Anyway, I was unemployed, living with my mom, and extremely lost. Then one night in 2009 my sis was over and insisted on watching American Idol because she was obsessed with Adam Lambert. I loved his voice so I started watching every week and grew to love a few of the other contestants too. I paid attention to the American Idol posts on ONTD on LJ. There were soon posts shipping Adam and Kris Allen, even though Kris was married to a woman.

ONTD got annoyed with all the posts, so someone started ontd_ai where we posted to our heart's content, a good many of them about shipping the two singers. We broke the fourth wall way too much for sure. (#gokeyisadouche). I have actually blocked out a lot of the details, but one thing I remember is that soon there was an AIM chat (yeah I'm old) dedicated to talking about our ship. And unfortunately, we also talked about Kris's wife's mental health struggles. No idea how we ever even knew about them. While I expressed empathy for her in the chat as did most of us, someone took screenshots and said we were bashing her. It blew up and made it to fandomwank. At some point we started our own LJ community too. We put tinhats on our profile pics, etc. We were tinhatters instead of delulus. I wrote Kradam rpf as well as flashfic for other fandom ships. Astolat herself wrote Kradam fic! (shout out to the cowboy fic, that hurt my feelings).

All this is to say that I know how you can get obsessed with solving some sort of story you have invented, looking for clues in song lyrics, performances, interviews, etc... and ignore reality. Really what you're searching for is answers for your own life.

Through post after post saying how it would be totally okay for Kris to come out as bi, I finally came out to myself, then my bff, then my sis, then my mom and nephews, and now whenever I feel safe with someone and online strangers.

After a year I applied to grad school and got my life back on track; went back to therapy, got on meds, found other hobbies, made new friends, eventually started working again even if it was just retail.

What are you searching for?

What are you struggling with?

What about Luke and Nicola's interactions or as individuals draws you to the ship? Are you projecting your own insecurities and identity struggle onto her? Are you projecting someone who hurt you onto Luke? I promise that Nicola is not crying herself to sleep every night because she's not with Luke or because he's with a thin woman. Luke is not a fuckboy or disingenuous just because he's with a thin woman.

I encourage you to take a step back and self-reflect because you are the ones who are doing the hurting.

P.S. We tinhatters were always publicly nice to Kris's wife on his and SM pages and when we met him after concerts and she was there. Why? Because she's a person too and I honestly hope they are the happiest they have ever been. Kris still makes (great) albums and they have kids (two unless they had another and I didn't know). Adam has been touring with Queen and I have no clue about his love life. It's nice.

However, I do think our fourth wall breaking made it so they stopped being public with their friendship. Just sayin'.

Look at the beauty we deprived the world and weep.

[jizzlords]

knowing your partner can potentially make writing together a lot easier.

– BASICS.

♡ NAME: helvetica

♡ PRONOUNS: he/him

♡  SEXUALITY: lesbian™

♡  TAKEN OR SINGLE: ✌🏾

– THREE FACTS.

♡ i've had approximately two (2) individuals pay me more than once because they liked my writing. ( 〃 ．．) it wasn't on this site. but it was fairly recent. and i'm always dumbfounded looking back at it. ♡ i've aspired to be an animator. idk how possible that is now, dark ages for artists. but i'll try. i'd like to be strong enough to pursue digital artistry. at least. this is where the cool artist friends i've met here and knew for a while come in. ♡ i think a lot of you are super fuggin cool. and are really inspirational and comedic. idk how possible it is to know everyone but i'd love to.

– EXPERIENCE.

♡   HOW LONG (MONTHS / YEARS?): 10-11 years on this site. i'm prone to sticking to muses for maybe a year to 4-5 years, it depends. :}

♡   PLATFORMS YOU’VE USED: facebook, chatango, tumblr, discord.

♡   BEST EXPERIENCE: i really like tumblr's way of rp and connecting. faulty platform aside, i've met a lot of memorable people. i have some on my twitter even though we don't write anymore, i still love seeing them. and i am fortunate enough to run into old friends again on here. sometimes we even run into the same fandom without realizing.

– MUSE PREFERENCES.

♡   FEMALE OR MALE: males ... it's usually the funky ones i'm stuck with. or the beautifully intimidating ones.

♡  FLUFF, ANGST OR SMUT: hopeless romantic. but i like all 3. since one of you said all 3 make a good story in a thread, i haven't looked at this question the same.... it's true... it makes a nice balance.

♡   PLOTS OR MEMES: both. i rely on neither but i'll partake in both. if my partner has a preference, i'll work with it. easier for me lol.

♡   LONG OR SHORT REPLIES: a fine medium. it'll progress as replies keep going. pls don't make them too short, it leaves me reaching :{ and frying my own brain lol.

♡   BEST TIME TO WRITE: when i go back to work, nights (dead late nights). but now, it flows steadily.

♡ ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSE(S): yea. lol. :} natural big-hearted whores.

TAGGING: @girlishgiggle, @gctchell, @vanaglcria, @ladiesofhell, @lcftcult, @prnkill, @videoaux, @k1ttyb0t, @clwngasm, @edenpoise, @spyderdust, @pridetempt, @arachnaemboss, @xluciifer, @queenhells, @helluvaflames, @hazbintales, @damnedrainbows, @discoinfernos, @chthonicrage, @yukikorogashi, @l-ucitiel, @r-adio, @pridefell, @infernalight, @filejpg, @voxistem, @helldustedstories, @fizeroli, @fizziifrxg, @the-delightful-temptation, @houseofasmodeus, @bloominghands, @spiderslvts, @outforlve i kinda wanna tag everyone not wanting anyone left out. lol. steal this if you feel comfortable answering these, i wanna know.

[atariakana]

I have had a short sleep and a long think and now I am going to be sappy again:

I love this show. Nobody could have made anything more tailored to my interests if they tried, it's so far up my alley it's knocking on my kitchen door, and I knew from the title alone that it was going to be my new favorite. It is so so important to me for so many reasons, and I really am quite devastated that it wasn't renewed for a second season. But I do believe that just because something was left unfinished, that's no reason not to love what's already there. Eight episodes seems like so few when imagining what we could have had--I was fully envisioning 5+ seasons, perhaps even with 14+ episodes per season, because the format absolutely could have handled that-- but after the show's uncertain beginnings, I'm truly just happy we got anything at all. Dead Boy Detectives could have been dead in the water before it even began, and I'm grateful we got this little peek into the boys' afterlives and Crystal and Niko's journeys along with them.

The show is a wonderful rarity in so many ways--a full cast of fleshed-out and resonant characters, with amazing queer rep and female leads, beautifully crafted stories brought to life with so much thought and care, gorgeous visuals and a wonderful soundtrack and so much symbolism and little details that we have all been chewing over them for MONTHS and are still discovering new things.

And my love for DBD was only amplified by how singularly lovely and passionate this fandom is. I'm a serial fandom-hopper, and I can say that after nearly a decade of drifting from place to place that the DBD fandom is genuinely one of the kindest, most encouraging, most passionate fandoms I've ever seen, especially in such early stages. I've been inspired to draw again (difficult for me in these trying times) and even give writing a try (haven't shared anything anywhere yet--baby steps. I'm planning lots of stuff for Deadboyween, though <3). I've learned so much about so many different crafts and had the privilege of reading amazing fics and well-thought-out analysis posts and seeing so much mind-blowing art and so many gorgeous gifsets. And this is a sentiment I've seen echoed over and over, and I'm so so glad that other people feel this way, too. I jumped into this fandom feet-first after watching the show, and immediately thought: I've found my new fandom home. This still holds true--though my heart hurts a little, I'm still looking forward to making so many things about DBD and seeing all of the things you guys create, too.

My heart absolutely dropped when I heard the cancellation news, but you all made it easier. As others have said, these characters are ours now. We will write a hundred endings for their stories and then write them a thousand new ones, because that's what fandoms do, and I believe that we've grown strong enough to keep going, even if we don't get any more official content.

That was a HUGE ramble, but it was something I needed to get off my chest, so thanks for reading if you made it this far 😅 Again, I don't talk much (usually...), but I'm so grateful for you all and I hope you have nice weekends despite the news. Sending love and care to all who need it ♥️✨

[sweetmariihs2]

🪄My thoughts on Cedric The Sorcerer🌙 (until now)

(not that anyone cares idk i just wanna talk about him, it's a lot of random thoughts and it's messy, but it's fun to read I guess)

Did you like that cute moodboard I did for him? It took me like 10 minutes I loved it. It fits him so well I'm so proud of myself for doing this. The whimsigothic aesthetic matches him so well I wish more people knew it so we would have tons of moodboards and cute stuff of him in this aesthetic it would be so nice. Ok let me start my post

I wanna share some headcanons, talk about my first impressions, it's not really organized I just wrote down whatever I remembered and the result was that. I wanna share my new hyperfocus with more people, that's what I'm doing here today :)

Everything started when I saw this man on Tumblr and though "who's this guy and why is princess Sophia next to him?", when I clicked on the hashtag out of curiosity I understood that it's because he's a character from the cartoon, and I was like "lol another tumblr sexyman again let's move on keep doing my things and interacting with my fandoms" (december 24)

I also mentioned it to my friend on IG bc I saw a reels that was like "you don't have any weird fictional crushes right?" and then proceeds to show us an edit of him with millions of hearts around. I sent it to her and said "omg I saw ppl talking about this on tumblr" and we just laughed a lot because it was something we did not expected (not mean laughs, they were genuine laughs of shock and because that was very unexpected like HOW IN THE WORLD, and she remembered him in the show while I didn't)

Some days later I saw more fanarts of him on tumblr and that made me a little curious, but not enough to search about the subject.

After some days I just couldn't forget him, and that's when I searched his name on youtube purposely trying to find compilations of his funny moments to understand what was happening

And boy I did

At this point was just having fun and laughing thinking "omg another guy who's sassy, has good personality and is another ugly-atractive character that has a fandom on tumblr, I got it, he's very nice" and I went to do other stuff again but this man just DIDN'T CAME OUT OF MY MIND

Just making an interruption here, I loved watching Disney Junior as a kid, maybe when I was six or seven, idk I don't remember, and I was a huge fan of Sofia The First, it was one of my favorite cartoons from Disney Jr alongside Doc McStuffins and Art Attack. AND I JUST DON'T REMEMBER CEDRIC IT'S LIKE I NEVER SAW HIM IN THAT SHOW, EVER. I literally don't remember him being part of the cast i'm sorry Cedric 😭 now he stands out so much to me, he's carrying the whole show on his back. Btw now that I mentioned Disney Junior I would like to say that here in Brazil Sofia First is actually called Little Princess Sofia, and Doc McStuffins is Doctor Toys. Sometimes I call Sofia "Princess Sofia" but I don't even know if that's how they call her in the english version, I watched everything on portuguese 😭 but ok let's move on (I have more things to say related to the brazillian dub, but let me finish my train of thought first)

As I was saying this man just didn't came out of my mind, and I was like "Oh no another hyperfocus where people around me will make fun of me because they will say that he's ugly and that liking kid's shows is something weird 😭 I can't take this anymore" and I tried to deny it but I CAN'T i'm almost making a pinterest board for him, I just accepted my fate (gonna draw fanarts soon and no one can stop me)

I found a list of every chapter he's in and i'm watching every. single. one. of. them. I watched the movie first, and boy this is gave me so much nostalgia because I remember some vague objects and scenes from when I was a kid, I used to love the Disney Princesses, when I got a little older I started watching Descendants, I grew up watching Tangled and Frozen and I swear to god I almost teared up from nostalgia during the episode Rapunzel shows up, and they didn't changed her voice actor, that's what got me. It was like travelling back to a time I didn't even remembered that existed anymore. Because since I haven't seen Sofia The First in about 10 years, I don't even remember anything FROM the show except for some parts, and that this show had so much old Disney energy that I didn't even know made a difference, but it does.

I'm sounding like a granny here but (i'm not even in my 20s yet) it feels like another time, Disney changed so much. Some of the new movies are good, some are bad, I see Disney much more as a company that wants money and makes movies instead of that perfect place where all dreams come true and every girl is a princess (Here in Brazil I never had a dream to go to Disneyland because Disney in the early 2010's invested more in products and blue ray DVDs in Brazil, since the parks were in the United States and we weren't really the target audience for that. So they didn't minded making publicity about it, so I just watched the movies and Disney Junior). Everything felt more magical when I was a kid, I spent my days watching DVDs and sometimes had some Disney princesses themed toys, it was so fun playing pretend that I was a princess and I really felt like one. Rewatching Sofia The First made me feel like this again because they made this show at the time that their public were HUGE fans of the Disney princesses and it has the same characteristics, plots, even styles of the songs and soundtracks, visuals + I watched it when I was younger. It's not just "princesses" it has the whole Disney girly early 2010's magic into it and it made me so bittersweet, even if they tried they could never do nowdays a movie inspired by that time and give me the same feeling as a REAL movie from that time does. Sofia The First: Once Upon a Time was like watching a new movie from that old Disney, one that I didn't saw before, but at the same time I did, and that's the best part. The end of the movie gave me so much nostalgia that I almost cried too. That experience was amazing :")

It gives me the same nostalgia that I feel when I hear that song "a dream is a wish your heart makesss" it makes me cry how I miss to be a little girl again (i'm crying right now btw i'm very intense with my emotions)

(And hell I don't remember Cedric at all, since when he was there the whole time? Now that I know that he's there I'm feeling like really reeeeaaaaalllyy vague memories are trying to come back in my head, but I don't know if my brain is doing this on purpose or i'm just confusing him with an equally vague memory of Cruella. I guess it's the first option, I'm trying so hard that my brain is making up memories. Weird.)

But yeah at first I saw everyone falling to his feet and even though I understood that he was very funny and had a well-writen personality I couldn't really get why people were romantically in love with him. Well um I actually got it, he was a good character and was one more of these strangely atractive characters that people fall in love with, I've been there too. But I just couldn't see what was so atractive that people were simping over him, for me at that moment he was just funny and fits very well the "let's make a fandom" type of character, like for example Preminger from Barbie Princess and The Pauper. But then I thought "idk what i'm talking about i'm demisexual lol let's wait a few days" (That happened before. Many times.)

And I'm like. I don't know what's happening to me I'm so susceptible to weird (in socially non-fandom people's words) crushes and I thought I wouldn't be afected this time. Just so you can have an idea some of my last crushes were: Dr Flug from Villanos, Jackson Jekyll from Monster High, Victor Frankenstein from Okegom, Raggedy Andy, Mettaton from Undertale (and UnderLust), THE Eddie Munson (for a whole year and some months, and I was so bullied after his "trend" ended because people said that his fans were cringe and everything (that's fake lol they are very nice)), 70% of my list are just nerds and sensitive guys with different types of mental illness yay my fav type

and now I think I'm feeling unironically atracted by this man it's just happening really slowly 😭 (DEMISEXUALS ‼️‼️⁉️⁉️💥💥💥💥💥👊👊👊👊)

I'm gonna be honest with you, at the moment I can't decide if I like him or not I'm so confused at the same time that I get it I also don't like how tf am I atracted by this man 😭 and then I'm like hmm he's acually cute let me search for some fanfiction

I'M SO CONFUSED I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO ANYMORE i guess I'll just wait to see what happens

you guys know that tiktok audio "at first I was like 'hmmm feet' as a joke,,,,, but bro....... I don't think that's a joke anymore...." (that's me rn but with Cedric)

Also I would like to take this oportunity that you're listening to me talking about Cedric to say the most important thing that this fandom needs to know:

We need more Cedric representations in Whimsical/Whimsigoth/Whimsigothic aesthetic it's like it was made for him just search that on Pinterest please you won't regret

And I'm here wondering what kind of songs he would listen to. I think he would like dark fantasy music, or witch music. I don't care if he's on medieval era and people didn't had access to a lot of music genres at that time, we are talking about disney nothing is historically correct

I can't help but think about Lana Del Rey but being a huge fan of her songs I don't think that it matches his tastes. I guess he maybe would like Aurora's last album, The Gods We Can Touch. I don't know why, it's the witchy vibes I guess. But I don't know, it's still not something that matches him a lot. EXCEPT FOR THE SONG MIDAS TOUCH FROM AURORA. IT'S PERFECT FOR HIM YOU GUYS SHOULD CHECK IT OUT

The cover isn't giving the aesthetic though, Aurora made this song for a show and then put the show album cover unfortunately. But her aesthetics are usually whimsical and magic, inspired by theatre, greek gods and tarot. This song is so good 😭

And of course there are songs like Everything Matters that fits his vibe but idk it depends on who's listening since it's not about the lyrics. The Innocent has a small part who matches him a little, the whole song has that witchy vibe dancing around the fire, I don't know how to describe it.

Coming back to Cedric I think my favorite scenario is him having an apprendice not too much younger than him. I think it's cute. I've never seen any fics like this (in fact I just read like 5 oneshots which is almost nothing) and if you guys know any let me know. I think it's just nice the idea of living with him and being his apprendice while having like a romantic tension between the two characters. It's cute

Also remember when I said I was going to talk a little more about the brazillian portuguese dub? So, something that I thought was really funny happened to me: In the first season he had his voice actor obviously and I was already used to his voice some time after watching the cartoon. It was very funny to me because the first time I saw a "scene compilation" of him it was in english, so hearing him talk in my language was fun. And btw his voice actor did a really good job voicing him, he (had a similar voice and) was really expressive just like his english VA, so like, really nice 👍

And then at some point in season two, from one episode to another, his voice actor suddently changed????? And obviously I got a little sad because his first VA was really good and I was used to his voice :( but the thing is: The new VA wasn't just a new one, IT'S THE SAME GUY WHO VOICED DR FLUG HERE IN BRAZIL AND I WAS LIKE OMG

THEY ARE SO SIMILAR IN PERSONALITY AND NOW THEY HAVE THE SAME VOICE WITH THE VOICE ACTOR'S MANNEIRISMS AND EVERYTHING (because that VA really has an specific way to talk, he stutter a little, sounds a little ironic but at the time really anxious, make some funny sounds for no reason sometimes like his screams)

I was really upset when they changed all the brazillian voice actors in Villanos, and that Flug didn't had his full-of-personality-and-expressive voice anymore :( the new episodes now have new voices and eveything, and they did their best, but it's not the original voices anymore and it doesn't hit the same yk? And then BAM CELDRIC HAS DOCTOR FLUGS VOICE NOW BITCH TAKE THIS

and the fact that Sofia The First was dubbed even before Villanos came out it's so funny to me

So yeah let me show you guys his amazing work at voicing two of my favorite characters:

After they changed Cedric's voice actor I was a little annoyed by the fact that I couldn't hear Cedric anymore, just Flug 😭 but now I'm slowly getting used to it and it's starting to sound like Cedric again.

Before that happened I could see some similarities between the two but I thought that I was just thinking too much and trying to connect two fandoms that I like, so I just forgot about it. After that happened my mind just blew it all make so much sense right now

And they are so similar in personality that I had to make a list of everything they have in common:

They work for guys that are completely blind to their talents and think that they're just idiots all the time

They have more potential than people think

Their projects/spells always go wrong because people keep disrupting their public moments, and so they are seen and weak and dumb (when they're not)

Science/Magic guys (they keep throwing liquids from one pot to another and saying difficult words, only for someone to stop them halfway and the substance explodes in their face, making them angry because this person once again interrupted their project that was going perfectly)

Self-confidence issues

Anxious mess, are always nervous and scared of something bad happening all the time

Childhood trauma because people never really saw their acomplishments and again and again kept repeating that they are idiots who don't know nothing (when they are geniuses!!)

They say that they're mean and they say that they do mean things when actually they are just really nice. They just choose that path because they think it's the only one that can bring them sucess and recognition in the future, but they were never made for this. They just do that because they want to proof their value to people who can't see it.

At the same time that they are mentally unstable, sometimes their confidence is so high that they start to act arrogant because "they're too smart and their projects are amazing": "I love what I do I'm the best sorcerer/scientist in the world"

But when they need to show that to people something bad always happens (because of other people!) And their plan fails, leaving them with confidence issues

"I'm too smart you guys don't deserve me"

"I can't do anything right omg i'm so stupid"

Their movements and maneirisms are so expressive, they're both skinny and tall and keep making those anxious poses, fidgeting with their hands, always anxious, scared of something, thinking too much and overall being nervous and ankward around their bosses

Boss just treats them as failures and gives them orders, in which they respond in the most submissive and saddest way because they're just miserable and just two little guys who are trying to proof their value in a place where no one even see them as people

But sometimes they are genuinely egoistic and egocentric because duh they're the best sorcerer/scientist out there, hello everybody is gonna know their name when they rule the world bye

They act so stupid and lovesick in their official crushes episodes, it's so funny

And even if we never saw Dr Flug's official face there is a design out there in the fandom where he has black hair with white streaks on his bangs so like 👍👍

Well um I guess that's all I have to say about this subject for now

These are my thoughts 🫶

I feel like I said a lot in a short amout of time but I'm here writing since 04:30 AM and now it's 07:47 AM so like. yikes

[divinemissem13]

You Say That Like It's a Bad Thing

No True Pair 8 Character Challenge Fandom: Star Trek Voyager, The Closer/ Major Crimes Pair: Chakotay/ Sharon Raydor Word Count: 1,182 Rating: G Prompt: Too many cupcakes

Sharon Raydor never wants to see another cupcake as long as she lives.

She knows that she should appreciate the thought. It was very nice of everyone in the LAPD to bring her cupcakes to celebrate her move to Major Crimes. It's possible that Provenza had spread the word that she loves cupcakes out of the goodness of his heart and not, as she suspects, as a prank. OK, not probable. But possible.

The thing is, Sharon isn't really a dessert person (and chances are good that Provenza knows this). She loves to bake and her Christmas cookies are the stuff of legends among her children's friends, but she doesn't eat many sweets herself. So now she's stuck, staring at a veritable sea of cupcakes, trying to decide if it's even worth figuring out a way to get them all home.

A light knock on her office door pulls Sharon away from her internal debate and she looks up to find a man she's never seen before standing in the doorway, holding a small box that almost certainly contains another cupcake. Sharon could swear that she knows every officer in the LAPD after so many years running Internal Affairs, but it would seem that there's at least one that she missed. She's certain she would have remembered him, with that distinctive and unusual tattoo above his eye. The tattoo should probably be setting off alarm bells in her head — it could be a gang identifier, or maybe some new prison trend. This stranger could be dangerous, just using this dumb cupcake thing to get close enough to harm her — but her instinct tells her she can trust him. So she does.

"Captain Raydor? I'm glad I caught you… sorry to stop by so late," the man says, awkwardly tugging on his ear and avoiding eye contact.

"I'm fairly certain that regular work hours are a thing of the past," she says as she gestures for the man to enter. "And you are?" she demands, when he doesn't immediately introduce himself.

He smiles sheepishly, and an adorable dimple appears on each cheek (and when exactly did Sharon start to find tattooed, dimpled strangers adorable??). "Lt. Chakotay, just transferred up here from New Mexico which is why I didn't know about the cupcake thing until this afternoon. Normally I'd bake some myself but… on short notice this will have to do," he explains, abruptly pushing the box towards Sharon, who zoned out somewhere around learning that this man bakes. "I have it on pretty good authority that this is from the best bakery in downtown LA though."

Chakotay looks around the office and for the first time appears to notice the cupcakes covering every surface. "I guess if it's no good, you've got plenty other ones to choose from," he shrugs and pulls on his ear again. It's an endearing gesture, instantly turning this big, muscular, hunk of a man into a shy little boy and for the first time all day, Sharon finds herself genuinely smiling.

"To be honest, I'm not sure what I'm going to do with all of these," she admits, her hands searching for pockets in a nervous gesture of her own. "I'm just one woman, after all."

"You don't have anyone to share them with?" Chakotay asks. "No husband or boyfriend? Uh, girlfriend? Kids?" He's back peddling and somehow Sharon finds that kind of adorable too.

"My kids are grown up and no longer live in LA. The same could almost be said for my 'husband' except I wouldn't exactly call him a grown up." The words are out of her mouth before she can truly contemplate revealing this much of her private life to a relative stranger, and now she clenches her fists in her pockets and purses her lips defensively. "And you?" she snaps, demanding an equal sacrifice.

He smiles that adorable smile again and runs a hand through his hair. "No one waiting at home except for a very pathetic excuse for a guard dog. He looks tough but wouldn't hurt a fly," he says, pulling out his phone to show her the lock screen. On it is a photo of a big fluffy golden doodle, head resting on daintily crossed paws and one eye completely obscured by a large floppy ear. It is clearly a large dog, but Sharon has to admit, he doesn't appear to have an aggressive bone in his body.

"I suppose it's true what they say about dogs and their owners," Sharon says with a smile. (Oh God, did she say that out loud? Is she flirting with this man now?)

Chakotay blushes and pockets his phone, and now he's rubbing his hand on the back of his neck and Sharon has to wonder just how many adorable tics can one man have?

"Well, anyway, I guess I'll let you get back to it. It was very nice to meet you, Captain," Chakotay says, offering a hand to Sharon.

"And you, Lieutenant," she replies with a smile, and accepts his hand. It is surprisingly soft and gentle, just like the man himself, and Sharon finds she doesn't want to let go quite yet. "Do you like cupcakes?" she blurts out before she can overthink things.

"Sure, who doesn't?" Chakotay replies, still holding on to Sharon's hand.

"Maybe you want to help me taste test these? I think this may be a triage situation," she admits, blushing a little. "Unless you have somewhere to be, of course…"

"I'd love to," Chakotay interjects, flashing her another dazzling smile. "Here? Or…?

"Oh!" Sharon hasn't thought that far ahead. "Uh, break room, I guess? Or, if you want to help me get them to the car, we can go to my place? I have milk, I think. Or at least very good coffee? Or Kahlua? Would that go well with cupcakes for dinner?" Sharon laughs nervously. She realizes that she is still holding Chakotay's hand and she drops it abruptly. "Or the break room. The break room is good," she declares, as if she might be able to erase everything else she has said in between.

"Your place sounds good," Chakotay says with a soft smile as he begins to gather up boxes and platters of cupcakes. "Just lead the way, Captain."

Somehow he has managed to fit almost all of the cupcakes into his arms in a very short period of time and so Sharon picks up the two remaining boxes from her desk — including the one that started this whole thing — and strides past him with a confidence that she doesn't really feel.

As they wait for the elevator, Sharon glances at Chakotay out of the corner of her eye. It's been a long time since a strong, kind, handsome man willingly went anywhere with her, let alone to her condo. She will have to remember to thank Lt. Provenza for his thoughtfulness, she thinks with a small smirk.

As it turns out, there really is no such thing as too many cupcakes.