#this is said with LOVE to closested lesbians ! I didn't know for so long!

[kerryweaverlesbian]

Mary and Jo (closeted lesbians to even themselves) freshly resurrected hanging out with Charlie for a hunt and Mary asks "so how did you know you were a lesbian?" and Charlie's like "Uh. I guess it was that I kept getting into these really intense female 'friendships' where I wanted them around all the time and I'd get distracted thinking about them kissing me. I don't know, I kind of always knew."

And Mary and Jo nod along like that makes sense to them but as soon as Charlie leaves for a moment to flirt with someone cute across the bar, Mary whispers to Jo "isn't that how everyone feels about women?" and Jo is like "yeah that's definitely how I feel about women. And I'm straight. She must not know. Should we tell her?"

"No, maybe she was just embarrassed about the real reason and made up a different one. Lesbians can make friends like straight women too."

"Yeah, ha, because if feeling that way makes you a lesbian-"

"-yeah! That would've made what me and Ada had a romantic thing. Which it obviously wasn't-"

"Right, and who hasn't gotten distracted thinking about kissing women, it's just obvious that we'd be better at it than men."

"-Or me and Lata-"

"It doesn't mean anything."

"...or me and Anna now that I think about it..."

"Two sets of boobs squishing together, who wouldn't be into it."

They both look up when Charlie laughs loudly from across the bar, then both watch her make out with the woman she's been flirting with for longer than politeness allows. Charlie looks like a good kisser.

Jo says, shifting a little on her barstool, "Well. at least we know she is into women."

"Yeah," Mary feels strangely tingly, and takes a sip of whiskey so she can retroactively blame it on that, "Glad she knows who she is."

[melswifeasf]

Was it ever real?

part two

Fandom: Yellowjackets

Pairing: Shauna Shipman x fem!reader

Genre: a little angst; fluff.

Words: 7.4k+

Summary: based on this request. you have a huge crush on Shauna and she accidentally hears you in the locker room.

Notes: i definitely got carried away with this one lmao. both parts are pretty long, if you guys prefer shorter imagines don’t be afraid to let me know!

not spell checked!

Taissa elbowed your side making you flinch. she smirked at you and kicked the ball that was under your feet before kicking it over to Van who stopped it and kicked it toward Lottie next. you rolled your eyes at her, a bit embarrassed that she had caught you in the act. you cleared your throat and motioned for Lottie to pass it to you next which she did with ease. Taissa chuckled at your attempt of distracting her from the situation but she planned on teasing you later on once you were in the locker room.

just a couple feet away was the source of your distraction, the brown eyed girl who you had been staring at since the beginning of practice. her hair was pulled back into a pony tail with just a couple strands framing her face. she was passing the ball to Jackie with a smile on her lips as she laughed about something she had said. you'd do anything to be the source of that smile. you were casual friends, just as you were with the rest of the girls on the team. Tai, Van and Lottie were the only three you were closest to. Lottie had been your best friend since you were kids and the couple were just better company than the rest. Jackie brought in a lot of drama that you weren't particularly interested in having to deal with and Shauna was only close to those who Jackie approved of. you didn't think you were one of those people.

"you should tell her" Taissa said, too impatient to wait until the locker to talk about it. you let out a sarcastic chuckle at the thought. telling Shauna was the last thing on your mind. she was straight and in the slim slim chance that she wasn't, she would probably be in love with Jackie. they were inseparable and you'd never seen her look at anyone in a way to indicate that she was interested in them.

"yeah right. she's straight or in love with Jackie. besides, she barely acknowledges my existence" you responded looking at the curly haired brunette. Lottie and Van took a couple of steps closer so that they could be in the conversation without Shauna hearing.

"i don't think she's straight" said Van with an amused chuckle. you looked at her with a deadpan expression, not at all buying her words or even that she believed them.

Lottie smiled as she glanced between you and Van, "there's only one way to find out" she shrugged optimistically. you rolled your eyes at all of them. this had been a regular conversation and it always ended the same. you weren't going to tell her. the rejection would break your heart and it would just fuck up the group dynamic.

"im not telling her. end of story" you said and like a miracle, seconds afterwards the whistle blew signaling that practice was over. the three teens laughed in amusement but followed quickly behind you as they changed the conversation to the halloween party that Jeff was throwing at his house.

with hope that the conversation wouldn't shift back to a certain dough eyed brunette, you zipped and button your jeans before reaching for your blue hoodie. much like you had expected the conversation did in fact not end where you left it on the field.

"look, if you tell her and she says no then whatever, at least you can move on" Taissa said from beside you. she was on the bench tying her shoes and Van was leaning against the lockers with her hand gripping one shoulder strap. you groaned in annoyance and threw your head back to really show just how over it you were.

"if i tell and she says no then i have to live with being the sad lesbian who fell for the straight girl" was your quick response. Taissa and Van glanced at each other, not all that sure what to say that could contradict that statement. truthfully you probably would end up being the hopeless girl in love with a straight girl and there was a high chance that it could get around the school. you had come out as bisexual during your freshman year but that was just to make things easier and before you had realized you only liked girls. it made things easier, the boys still thought they had a chance so they treated you like any other girl but being rejected by a straight girl? now that you wouldn't survive.

a sudden voice behind you spoke. "or she's just not straight" said Lottie making you flinch and your chest tighten. you closed your eyes as you held your hand against your chest where you could clearly feel your heart beating against it.

"fuck Lottie!" you exclaimed, "you scared the shit out of me!" that seemed to have been the most amusing thing ever as the three teens bursted out laughing at your reaction.

"i was behind you the whole time. you need to start paying attention to your surroundings" muttered the tall girl as she walked past you and sat beside Tai. great. now it was three against you. again.

a groan erupted from your throat, "all of you are so fucking annoying. seriously. Shauna doesn't like girls and she doesn't like me so can we please just drop this?" you said and closed your locked a lot harsher than you intended causing it to make a loud noise and the other three girls flinched lightly at the suddenness of it. you grabbed your backpack and threw it onto one shoulder before walking toward the exit in a hurry. not quick enough though, Tai, Van and Lottie were on your heel with fast steps. figures.

the door opened in front of you and you stepped out of the locker room completely. met with an empty gymnasium you continued to walk until Lotties voice stopped you. "okay okay," she said quickly and grabbed your arm so you would stop walking. you came to a halt and finally turned back around so you were met with the three girls once more. "we won't say anything anymore. we just don't want you to keep pining over her" she shrugged which earned nods from the other two.

"plus you guys would look good together" added Van, in hopes that you wouldn't stay too mad at them for meddling so much. with a small smile you rolled your eyes at her words. a small blush spread across your face and you were sure if they didn't feel so apologetic for being nosy they probably would've teased you about it by then.

your mouth opened in an attempt to assure them it wasn't a big deal but your words died in your throat as your eyes shifted behind them. the locker room door opened to reveal a pair of best friends. it seemed as if the oxygen had been knocked out of your throat as you let out a little gasp at the sight. the three girls looked at you confused before they followed your eyes sight which elicited a similar reaction. their eyes widened in shock.

the only thing you could do in that moment was to hope they hadn't heard anything. hoped that in some magical way they weren't paying attention to your loud voice when you admitted to having a crush on her. oh fuck. her not hearing was impossible, it was like someone held a microphone up to your lips for fucks sake. Jackie glanced at you with a look you couldn't quite read but that wasn't your answer, it was the fact that Shaunas eyes were actively avoiding you as she grabbed Jackie's wrist and practically ran out of the gymnasium.

you were so fucking fucked.

the house phone was held up to your ear as you were in your room with your legs propped on your headboard and your eyes were trained on the ceiling. "she heard." were the words that left your mouth for the fifth time during the phone call. a loud groan reached your ear from the other line.

"no she didn't." Taissa said again. after having seen Shauna you ended up freaking out the whole car ride home. Lottie was always the one to give you ride to and from school which meant she had to be the one to hear you go on and on about the fact that Shauna and Jackie would probably tell the whole school. or Jackie would tell Jeff and he would or Shauna would tell someone and they would and so on. words were spilling from your lips faster than you or Lottie could process but she still tried her best to listen and reassure you that it would all be okay. yeah right. like you were going to believe that it would all be okay.

you rolled your eyes at Taissas effort to console you. "of course she did. she could barely look at me! i can't do this. i'm skipping school tomorrow." you shook your head.

"no you aren't. your parents would kill you." she responded which was true. but you figured being grounded was better than having to face Shauna. at least then you'd have an excuse to not go to Jeff's party which she would most definitely be attending.

"i can live with that." you nodded even though she couldn't see. you could practically feel her roll her eyes through the line.

Taissa huffed, "seriously y/n. it's not a big deal. people have crushes all the time, it's not the end of the world"

"it is when you're a lesbian and you know that" you responded with a slight drop in your voice, almost as if someone else could hear.

the line was silent for a couple of seconds which you knew meant that what you had said was right and she had no way of arguing with you. "maybe," she agreed. "but it'll go away in a couple of days. something will probably happen at Jeff's party and that'll be the new gossip. just come to school tomorrow. Van, Lot and i will be there with you" she said a lot more thoughtfully this time.

you contemplated her words. you didn't doubt that they'd try their best to distract you from the whole ordeal but at the same time you weren't sure if you could deal with Shauna avoiding you. it's not like you were close anyway, she only talked to you if it was about soccer or once in a blue moon when you went to parties but it never got further than that. maybe it wouldn't be that different. maybe she'd make things normal for the sake of the team. god you hoped so.

like promised Taissa, Van and Lottie were with you during the whole practice. it was just a scrimmage so you didn't have to interact with Shauna much but during the small amount of times that you did she would try her best to look anywhere else but at you. every time it happened you couldn't help but feel a tightening sensation in your chest and a wave of embarrassment to wash over you.

the actual school part was fine, it seemed as if you were wrong about everyone finding out because it was just like any normal day. it had been another junior that got everyone's attention, not you. that was a relief.

once the whistle blew which indicated that practice was over you ran into the locker room to wash off as quickly as possible so you could go home. just five minutes later you were dressed in your light jeans and white hoodie. your three friends were standing near you talking amongst themselves while they were still getting dressed, not exactly in a rush like you were. you were on the bench tying your shoes as quickly as you possibly could, too distracted to notice anyone around you. if you had maybe you would've seen Jackie and Shauna whispering hastily but a couple inches away. the ones who did notice were the three musketeers that had been teasing you about her since you confessed to them.

the three of them glance at each other confused by what was going on. they wouldn't have cared if Jackie wasn't motioning in your direction with her head. it didn't click until they saw Shauna take a breath and begin to approach you with nervously. it was obvious by her posture her and the way she kept glancing at her fiddling hands before looking up at you, who was still getting your last shoe tied.

"y/n," Taissa said softly hitting your arm with the back of her hand. the action made you roll your eyes. you quickly finished tying before looking at her.

"what?" you asked annoyed. she looked at your with pursed lips as she motioned to the brunette with her head as slyly as possible. your eyebrows furrowed in confusion. Lottie and Van turned their body and began to take a couple steps toward the door so they could give you privacy. Taissa didn't seem to have gotten the hint causing her girlfriend to whisper her name twice before she finally went with them.

by then you had already met Shaunas nervous gaze. at first you thought she was going to confront you about what she had heard and maybe tell you that it wasn't going to happen and you needed to get over her but that thought quickly vanished once you saw Jackie smiling at the both of you on the other side of the locker room. your brows shot up as you realized what was happening, your nerves began to sky rocket and you could swear you felt your heart skip a beat.

the brunette stood directly in front of you, both of her arms at her side by you could see her hands gripping at the end of her flannel which she seemed to do a lot when she's nervous. you blinked, once, twice before you finally stood up from the bench and shot her a shy smile. "hi" you breathed out. if Shauna didn't look like she was struggling internally you would've been afraid that she had seen how nervous you looked.

"hey," Shauna responded and finally looked directly at you. when her brown eyes met yours, a dozen butterflies began to swarm in your stomach which made you feel queasy. "i . ." she trailed off, almost looking behind her but she stopped herself before she could. "yesterday i kind of overheard you talking." she said. the butterflies soon turned into dread at the thought of how wrong you were about how this conversation could've gone.

fuck, fuck. you wished you had one of your friends to hold onto but you didn't. you were standing on your own with the girl you were madly in love with in front of you. "im sorry about that" you rushed out, hoping with every fiber of your being that she wouldn't humiliate you. "i didn't mean to make you uncomfortable and i promise i'll back off if you want-"

Shaunas voice cut you off before you could continue to spurt out apologies. "no," she said quickly making you shut up instantly. no? what does that mean? she sighed which made her shoulders visibly relax, "i like you too." she confessed lowly.

she.. what..? at first you weren't sure if you had heard her correctly or if it was just your mind playing tricks on you but by the hopeful smile plastered on the brunettes lips you were positive it hadn't all been a dream. holy shit.

"you-you do?" you asked nervously.

Shauna smiled and nodded, "yeah." she confirmed a lot less timid than she had been before. nothing was said on your end, the only reaction that came from you was the sight of your eyes widening and your jaw dropping slightly. Shauna almost thought you were adorable. it didn't click that you weren't going to say anything until Jackie cleared her throat behind the brunette, snapping her out of it. "i was wondering if you wanted to go out sometime?" she finally asked.

she expected you to have a delayed reaction like you had been having since the conversation started but you didn't. instead your lips quirked into a smile and you nodded, "yeah. id love that" you confirmed.

that seemed to be enough to make her smile widen. "cool. i'll pick you up tonight?"

all you could do was nod. the brunette shot you one last smile before turning around and walking up to Jackie. the two of them left the bathroom quickly after leaving you standing there with your jaw slacked, completely frozen in place. the three girls still in the room ran toward you and began to squeal in delight knocking some sense into you.

"i told you she liked you back!" Lottie exclaimed happily but all you could do was smile.

the date was amazing. she had taken you to a small italian place. the lights were dim and they had the typical checkered table clothe along with a single candle in the middle of the table. it was a bit awkward at first, neither of you knew what to talk about so it of course resulted in soccer. after that the conversation seemed to have flown freely, it shifted to personal things and so on. you had almost lost hope that the date would so be so awkward that you'd have to just stay friends but that thought left your mind quickly after. the longer the date lasted the more you felt a fluttery feeling form in your stomach.

an hour and a half later the two of your had left the restaurant and Shauna began to drive you home. it was pretty silent compared to the restaurant. Shauna had put on music which was sounding softly in the background whilst you looked out the window. truthfully, you were itching to do something, hold her hand or maybe even kiss her but you were too scared to. you didn't want to mess things up. Shauna continued to drive in the direction of your home silently until you saw an ice cream shop and offered to buy some since she had been the one that paid for dinner. the brunette didn't seem opposed to the idea and so she pulled into the parking lot that was relatively empty because it was so late.

a scoop of strawberry was on your cone and chocolate was on hers as you both leaned against the hood of her car. it wasn't awkward, it was actually nice. you'd never really thought you could feel so comfortable not having to fill the silence on a first date but Shaunas whole demeanor was just so calm. you weren't sure why she was so different compared to anyone else or if it was all in your head and she was the one feeling awkward. regardless, you turned to face her direction as you began to talk.

"you know . . this is the first date i've ever be on" you confessed a bit shyly. your eyes were trained on your strawberry ice cream and you tucked a strand of hair behind your ear. if that didn't make it obvious, the light pink hue on your cheeks surely did. Shauna looked up from her ice cream with her eyebrows raised in surprise. she was sure she had seen you hanging out with guys before. maybe they had just been friends but it didn't seem that way. not to mention the fact that everyone loved you. regardless of your sexuality, guys and girls loved how nice you always were to everyone. the boys especially loved looking at your sweet smile or listening to your laugh even though they knew you were just laughing to make them feel better. being pretty was just the nail on the coffin.

she had her reasons to ask you out, that was a given, but you being the sweetheart that the whole school loved, well, it just made it all the better. hearing that this had been your first date was shocking, surely someone would've already wanted to take you out. she had even seen you with the captain of the basketball team but maybe that was just a fling.

"really?" was her quiet surprise.

hearing her talk made you finally get the courage to look at her. "yeah. is it that surprising?"

Shauna shook her head quickly, "i just thought you dated Mason" she explained. the last thing she wanted to do was offend you or make you feel bad about your dating status. it's not like she'd been on many dates either.

the truth was that you had hung out with the captain of the basketball team. he was cute, had curly black hair that was always perfect. he had a sharp jawline and a perfect smile, not to mention the body of an athlete and he was kind. but he was just like any other guy. his idea of a date was hanging out in his basement with his friends whilst they got drunk or high with you on his arm, almost as if you were a prize. it lasted three months before you couldn't take it anymore. you didn't even talk, when he picked you up to take you to school he would just blast music. during lunch he'd talk to his friends and the one time you went out, he took you to watch a horror movie and tried to put his hand down your pants but you punched him before he could. it was then that you realized he only wanted to be the first guy to ever sleep with you.

after him you began to crush on Shauna so no one else would pry your mind like she would. she'd be the only girl you could think of during the day or before bed. the only time you wouldn't think about her smile and those brown eyes was when you slept.

your lips curved, "we hung out but the only time he took me out, he tried to do stuff that i didn't which led to a punch in the face. so i don't really consider it one" you said with a shy laugh. it was hesitant and Shauna could tell you were embarrassed by what you had just confessed.

"oh" she said her big eyes widening before she began to laugh along with you. that made you feel better about the whole thing.

you shrugged, "yeah. i guess im the cliche kind of spontaneous roses or dancing in the rain or showing up at my doorstep with a boombox. i don't know. i'm kind of a hopeless romantic which is stupid." with a shake of your head, you looked back down at your ice cream. the same blush that had been prominent practically throughout the whole night was still there and it was making your body burn in slight embarrassment.

Shauna was quick to reassure you, "it's not."

her words made your eyes snaps toward her. "really?" you asked hopeful.

she nodded. "yeah. i mean everyone is in a sense. i've actually always wanted someone to make a mixtape for me." she confessed and you could tell she was a bit flustered by her pink cheeks and the way her eyes kept darting down toward her shoes.

a smile formed on your lips. "why a mixtape?"

Shauna smiled as well. "i don't know. i guess the idea of someone taking the time to choose a song and everything is just really romantic" the two of you looked at one another for the first time that night. you saw her and she saw you. it was then that you realized who she was, not just the idea of her. and if you were being honest, it only made you fall even more.

that night during the drive to your house, you learned more about her. her favorite color, her favorite song, the reason she started playing soccer and even how she and Jackie became best friends. when she finally pulled up to your house, you expected her to just drop you off and leave but she didn't. instead, when you turned to say goodbye, she leaned in to press her lips against yours. it was sweet and short. even then, it had been the most magical kiss you'd ever experienced.

music was blasting through the speakers throughout the crowded home. drunk teens were all over the place, some just talking, others making out or playing beer pong. there was smoke from some teens smoking weed and some places were sticky with alcohol that had been spilled because of how drunk they were. outside, where there was a full moon and bright stars crowded around, drunk teens were in the hot tub and others just standing around with a drink in hand. the yellowjackets - mostly all were downstairs where most were playing beer pong. Jackie and Jeff were going against Taissa and Shauna. you had already gone but you sucked massively so you asked Tai to take your place.

you were standing to the side in between Lottie and Van who were talking about the last match which you all had won the last second. you weren't paying much attention, having to listen to them and also the four teens playing was starting to make you dizzy. Shauna and Taissa were competitive which meant they were trying their hardest to win. throughout most of it you could hear Jeff egging them on and telling them they sucked. it was obvious they were all joking by the way Shauna and Taissa had quick joking responses. even Jackie was in on trying to get in their head so she and her boyfriend could win. the prize? you weren't sure, probably just bragging rights but that didn't matter to them.

it was Jeff's infamous halloween party, you had arrived with Lottie since Shauna had gotten ready with Jackie. when the two of you decided to make it official, you didn't realize you also had to include Jackie in almost everything. they were best friends, sure, but Lottie was yours and you didn't have to include her when you hung out or had to cancel plans because she felt like you were neglecting her. you couldn't help but wonder if Shauna did that to her when it came to her and Jeff's relationship. just the other day you had planned a cute picnic date since it was going to be the last time it would be hot out, it ended up being Shauna, you and Jackie. maybe they didn't feel it but to you, it was awkward as hell. you spent the better half of the date listening to Jackie and Shauna talk as if they were alone and you knew your girlfriend felt bad, especially when she would place her hand on your thigh when you looked like you were zoning out or the way she would ask what you thought about the topic. it was sweet of her to think of you but you would've preferred if she had just cancelled.

that specific day had been no different. Lottie and you had gotten ready at your house. Lottie had on a purple skirt and a white shirt whilst you had on a black dress with thin lace at the edges of it. it wasn't irregular for you to wear such short dresses but the way Shauna looked at you when she saw you was like no one else had. sure, guys would gawk over you or check you out shamelessly but it was different when it came to her. she looked at you as if she needed you and you loved it. your girlfriend had on a short dress and you were sure that had been Jackie's doing and not hers.

it had been three hours so you arrived there and it was now almost two in the morning. you were a bit tired but Shauna seemed to be having fun so you didn't want to ruin that for her. she was your ride home after all. Lottie had offered but you hadn't been alone with the brunette since your first date which was almost three weeks ago and you wanted some privacy.

one red cup was left on both sides and the tension was growing between the four teens. Van and Lottie's conversation had been long forgotten as soon as they realized how close the game was to ending. it was Jackie's turn, everyone was tense as they watched her get the perfect angle. a moment later the ball flew across the table and landed swiftly in the last cup. groans erupted between Taissa and Shauna while Jackie squealed. you saw her turn to Jeff and throw her arms over his shoulders followed by him picking her up and spinning her. not really caring for them, you turned toward your girlfriend and friend instead. Taissa booed at them but it didn't really matter to her so she turned toward Van and Lottie to explain how she did have amazing skills but she 'had too many drinks'. that instilled a chuckle of amusement from you.

your eyes trailed away from your friends and toward your girlfriend who was looking at her best friend silently. at first you thought she was just being petty for losing but the longer you looked, the more it made sense. it had nothing to do with the game, it was them. you'd realized that when you first started paying attention to the brunette, the way she'd always look at Jackie distantly when she was with Jeff or the way everyone would always direct their attention toward Jackie and only ever acknowledged her presence with a small greeting. it was always about Jackie and you wanted things to change. things would be different with you, you'd make sure of that.

a smile curved on your lips and you took a step toward your girlfriend. the action made her finally pay attention to you, a small smile forming on her own lips. once you were close enough, you interlaced your hands on the back of her neck and pulled her close to you. "hi," you whispered softly which made her smile grow. she still had her hands at her side, something that had been a habit of hers since your first date. she was always too shy to touch you in any way, probably too afraid that you'd somehow not like her touch and pull away. that never crossed your mind though. instead of waiting for her to decide for herself, you grabbed her hands and placed them around your waist before putting your own back on her shoulders.

"hi," was her low response. you leaned in to peck her lips once making her smile grow and a light pink color to form on her face. you always found it extremely cute that she'd always blush when you kissed her.

she gripped your hips a bit tighter in support which you didn't mind. "wanna go upstairs?" you asked lowly so that none of your friends could hear you and make a big deal out of it. they had been teasing you about any little thing ever since your first date and although you weren't thinking about doing anything other than making out, you knew they wouldn't believe that.

the brunette nodded softly. that was enough confirmation for you to grab her hand and turn to the rest of the teens. "we're gonna get refills," you and began to walk away, not giving them enough time to protest. they were going to play another round which you knew and you didn't want any of them pulling her back. it was about time you had some alone time with your girlfriend.

"yeah sure," Tai called out behind you, "use protection!" she further teased making you roll your eyes in annoyance. with the hand that wasn't interlocked with Shaunas, you held it up and gave her the finger which earned snickers from the rest of the teens.

it didn't take long to get upstairs. there were some drunk teens crowding around the stairs and others making out in your way which made you have to shove past way too many people. the first room you entered was the bathroom so you quickly closed it and went to the next closed door. you wished you hadn't when you saw two half naked teens making out in Jeff's parents bedroom. finally, the next bedroom was empty and from what Shauna had told you, it was a guest room.

Shauna sat on the bed while you locked the door behind you. there was a sense of both excitement and nerves rumbling in your chest. not to mention the zoo of butterflies fluttering in your stomach. she was just Shauna. the girl who was probably just as nervous as you. the girl who had been nothing but sweet with you since you asked her to be your girlfriend. the girl who would open your car door or carry your backpack when she knew you had a more intense practice compared to her. the girl who would leave sweet little notes in your locker when you first started do it to her.

with deep silent breaths, you walked up to the brunette who was sitting at the very edge of the bed. she did look nervous. you could tell by her fingertips that were tapping against her thighs and the way she was biting her lip. it was probably the alcohol running through your body but it was enough courage to straddle her lap. you were hesitant at first, keeping your arms to your side so that she could push you off if she wanted to. she didn't. she placed her hand on your waist like she had just minutes before which helped you place your own hands on her shoulders for support.

you couldn't contain a smile, even when you bit your bottom lip to mask it. of course she'd still see how she was the one to make you like this. "i really like you." the words came out in a low whisper. you were close enough to smell the beer still lingering on her breath. close enough that you could see her soft skin and every little detail on her face. so close all you had to do was lean in a little bit and your lips would be on hers.

"i really like you too," she admitted in a whisper. her eyes kept glancing down at your lips and you knew what she wanted. you knew she wanted it but she couldn't do it. she was afraid to do something wrong or to mess things up with you. so you did it for her.

the distance closed between the two of you as you pressed your lips against hers. she kissed back instantly, her hands gripping at your waist which you had learned was a nervous habit of hers. typically the action would make you smile at how cute she was but the alcohol in you was making your body grow hot in a way you knew well. the kiss was slow at first. you were trying your best to let her ease into it since it was the first time you kissed longer than just a couple of seconds. you eased your way into it, leading her throughout it until she finally eased into it.

then the kiss grew rougher. her hands gripped at your waist a lot harsher as your tongues glided against one another. it was fast and hot and it made you want to grind onto her but you didn't. you weren't ready for that. not yet at least.

instead you gripped the back of her neck in support and got lost in the kiss. neither of you pulled away until your chests were burning with the need of oxygen. it was you who pulled away, both of your chest heaving up and down. pink lips were swollen and both of your pupils were blown out. the temperature in the room had began to rise and although you wanted to take things further, you didn't.

Shauna couldn't help but overthink if you thought she was good. did you think she was a bad kisser so you pulled away? were you going to tell that her that you wanted to go downstairs? it caused a wave of panic to rush through her so she did what she had seen done in movies dozens of times before. she leaned in to press kisses against your jaw, they were light and almost made you giggle but you fought the urge to. it didn't take long for her kisses to reach her neck. she pressed a small light kiss against your skin which made you smile and a small shiver to run down your spine. a second later she pressed down a lot rougher, her mouth opening and her tongue gliding against your skin. you moaned softly at the feeling and tangled your hands through her dark locks. when she began to suck at the skin, you pulled her hair a bit rougher than intended. the action fueled her pride, as well as every little noise you were making. even though you were trying to muffle it why biting your lip, she could still clearly hear you.

she didn't stop until you pulled her back by her hair so she'd meet your gaze. it's not that you wanted to stop but you were afraid that if she didn't, you'd take things further and regret it the next morning. a look of worry flashed through her eyes when you stopped her but you didn't let her overthink as you leaned in to kiss her. the kiss was wet and slow, unlike the one just before. she accepted your tongue gracefully and you could hear the lude noise throughout the room along with heavy breathing. as the kiss progressed, you realized you were wearing a dress and you began to realize that there was a possibly that she could feel how turned on you were. that made you pull away.

her eyes were closed as you looked down at her which made you smile. when they began to flutter open you leaned down to peck her lips quickly before pulling away completely. your teeth were on display as you smiled down at her. you were sure your cheeks were pink because so were here. she looked more disheveled though, her lips were a dark shade and her hair was messy from you pulling on it.

when the both of you recovered from such an intense kiss you both stood up, ready to go downstairs. you helped her fix her hair before you fixed your own appearance in the mirror. it didn't come to your attention that there something on you that hadn't been there when you first entered until Shauna pointed it out.

"shit," she whispered, her eyes locked on your neck. "im sorry, i didn't mean to." she nervously explained. you raised a brow at her, not really caught up on what she was apologizing for. instead of asking, you turned to the mirror and looked where her eyes had previously been staring.

oh.

there was a purple mark on your neck. it wasn't huge but it wasn't exactly small. definitely big enough that anyone else could see. it didn't bother you though. you actually found it kind of hot. you turned toward the brunette with a smile, "it's okay. i don't mind" were your words as you places a comforting hand on her arm.

"are you sure?" she asked quickly, far too anxious to believe you.

you nodded. "yeah. i'm sure"

the wave of relief that washed over her made your smile grow.

lights were hanging all around. there was christmas music in every store, on the radio and on the television. decorations were up on most homes making their house with Santa Clauses or Reindeers. christmas movies were on every channel and stores were packed with shoppers. it was the happiest time of the year and that was true for the couple. the time of year in which most families got together or traveled to celebrate.

wrapping paper was spread around the living room, the chimney on with the christmas tree lit up. the smell of freshly baked cookies and hot chocolate lingered around the kitchen and living room while 'home alone' was playing on the tv. there were kids running around playing with their new presents while the moms were in the kitchen making dinner. the dads of course, were sitting around talking or watching the movie on the screen. you weren't doing any of those things. instead, you were upstairs with your girlfriend who had snuck in after you finished opening presents. the brunette was laying down with you on her chest while you watched a christmas cartoon.

she had been there for almost two hours and you still had another hour before dinner was ready. you had asked your parents if she could come over but they had said no, claiming it was christmas and everyone should be with their family, including you. if only you actually talked to any of your family though. all of your cousins were children and the only one who was around your age, went to Mexico with her boyfriends family. that meant you had to either stick with your dad or your mom. both things sounded boring.

considering it was almost time for her to leave, you figured it was time to give her, her present. when she first arrived you exchanged presents but you had another one that you knew she'd love even more. she had gifted you a necklace with her initial on it, something you had been hinting at wanting since she gave you that hickey during the halloween party. after that night, it was as if neither of you could get enough. every time the mark would fade she'd make new ones. it would always result in your friends teasing you but it was with it. but like expected, your parents saw them when you had gotten in your hot tub. you had completely forgotten about it and didn't apply makeup like you always would. after that they said they wanted to meet your girlfriend. that was a very awkward dinner. your mom had made a 'sly' comment about how hickeys are tacky which left Shauna embarrassed. you hated that. she didn't even try to leave one after that day which would always leave you craving something to show that you were hers. it was soon after that in which you mentioned the necklace.

when you sat up, her arm fell from your waist. she looked at you confused, not expecting you to get up so abruptly. you moved across the room quickly and rummaged your desk until you finally found it. you quickly grabbed it and held it in the air as you turned your body in one swift motion. Shauna looked at you with wide eyes as, a smile playing on her lips at your excited state.

"i have one more present for you" were your words as you got back on the bed on your knees. you shuffled toward the brunette as fast as possible and handed it to her once you were close enough.

the brunette frowned gently, "i thought we said one present each" she said, now upset that she had only gotten you one whilst you had gotten her two.

with a shake of your head you looked down at the wrapped object. "it didn't cost me anything. it's just a small thing that i figured you'd like" you shrugged.

she looked a little hesitant but once she saw how hopeful you looked, her frowned turned into a smile once more and she began to unwrap it. considering how small it was, it didn't take long for the red and white wrapping to be crumbled into a ball on the bed. she looked confused at first as she looked at the cassette until she saw the words written on it. 'when i think of you -y/n'

her big brown eyes looked shiny as she looked down at it with her lips slightly parted in shock. suddenly her body came whirling towards you as she wrapped her arms around your body. she leaned back for a quick moment to kiss you softly before she leaned into the hug once more. you giggled softly at her actions. "those are the songs i always listen to what i think of you. which is always by the way." you said. even though it sounded as if you were joking, you weren't.

[fluttervee]

do u ever think abt how the person closest to kipperlily was lucy frostblade and how everyone turned on kipperlily about the name rat grinders except for lucy who believed in the high five heroes just like kipperlily? do you think some of kipperlilys rage is because she lost the only person she liked in her party? how long do you think she mourned her friend (gay crush) after coming back, after accepting that rage, knowing that lucy made a more honest choice by refusing it? do you think kipperlily ever wishes she followed lucy into that unhallowed non-afterlife? anyway i think about this. tragic toxic rage lesbians. kipperlily cannot be straight

frostkettle toxic yuri is so real To Me. the resentment that she would rather stay true to her god than come back and be with kipperlilly? mmmmm yess

as someone who was a toxic angry closeted teen girl who wished Something Bad Would Happen To Me to justify my misery, i find KLCK soooo fascinating. like, what if you knew your feelings were shitty and stupid but then an adult said you were right actually, come with me and we'll fix this and make things fair. and your best friend who you're in love with isn't as excited about it as you are, but she's gonna be CHAMPION, she's going to be as important you know she should be, won't that be great?? but then it turns out she never wanted to be champion, she never wanted to be a part of it at all, she would rather languish in dead rage god purgatory than live for you and you thought she UNDERSTOOD but obviously she didn't. and now she's gone and the only person you'd want to talk about it with is the dead girl you're most angry with.

[scarlet-witchery]

Femslash February — Clothes Sharing

fem!gallavich, club kiss. (ao3)

(This one is a couple of days early and I know I've got others to backtrack and write, but I do what I want 💕)

@m4ndysk4nkovich @holymurdock @callivich @lovekenney @echosluvr

It started out as nothing. One day Ian looked over and realized that Mickey was wearing her shirt—an old Ramones shirt she'd gotten from Lip—and it made her force the smile off her face before Mickey saw it and called her an idiot for it. But it filled her with warmth for the rest of the day whenever she thought of how big it looked on Mickey after Ian had stretched out the shoulders. It was probably no big deal, of course—Mickey just grabbing the closest shirt she could find, and Debbie's clothes were too small for her—but it still felt nice. Like something girlfriends would do.

The second time was on Ian; she'd gotten up late after a long shift at the bar, grabbing around next to her bed for some clean clothes so she could take a shower. She'd been too tired to pay attention to what she'd picked up, and only realized it once she was getting dressed and noticed it was Mickey's underwear she'd pulled on. They didn't fit perfectly, a little big, but Ian…kinda enjoyed the idea of wearing them. So sue her. It made everything worth it when she walked past Mickey in nothing but a shirt and her panties, and Mickey did a double take.

“Think you got the wrong pair on there, Gallagher,” she said, after Ian watched her throat move in a very interesting way. Mickey's words were casual, but the look in her eyes was anything but.

“Well,” Ian said, feeling a little bravado come along, “You can always come take ‘em back, if you really want.”

For a moment she actually thought Mickey would do it; the other girl bit her bottom lip slightly, apparently unable to stop staring. Then she looked up at Ian with an unreadable expression. “Just make sure you wash those” was all she said, but it took her another moment to turn around and walk away.

After that, it became normal for them to steal clothes—they couldn't wear the same jeans, since Mickey was nearly a foot shorter than Ian, but shirts, pajamas, underwear…anything was fair game. One time Ian found that Mickey had even stolen one of her bras, which was hilarious since Mickey was far more gifted in that department than Ian. When she'd asked, Mickey had blushed something fierce and muttered about how she'd been in a hurry that morning. Ian couldn't help but kiss her into the pillow after that.

Ian had always loved the fact that Mickey was so small, and loved that she looked even smaller when she wore Ian's shirts that seemed to fall off her shoulder. It didn't look bad, either; like she was trying to pull some kind of devil may care bad girl punk look. Sometimes she'd steal Ian's hoodie to sleep in, and it would smell like Mickey for days afterwards—Ian would end up wearing it afterwards, just to feel like they were closer. It made her feel safe, protected; even when Mickey wasn't around, she could still feel her there.

One night when Ian was working—dodging sleazy drunk guys who had no idea they were barking up the wrong fucking tree—she was finally taking a break, and looked around for Mickey but couldn't find her. It wasn't the worst thing ever; she knew Mickey couldn't be there all the time, but it didn't stop Ian from feeling a little bit disappointed. She liked having Mickey around, especially when Ian was finished and they could go to the lesbian bar up the street from the club.

They never said anything about it, but she knew Mickey was feeling more…well, comfortable, being around other people like them. Maybe one day Ian would even get Mickey to kiss her there, where it was safe. Now that Mickey wasn't afraid to kiss her anymore, now that they were together in all the ways that Ian couldn't get before. Mickey still couldn't say it out loud, but they were making progress. Slow, slow progress.

By the end of her shift, Ian still hadn't seen Mickey, which was definitely unusual. Every night, without fail, Mickey came and walked home with her—partly so the patrons didn't do something they'd regret, and partly, Ian knew, so that Ian herself wouldn't run off again. Some people might find that kind of attention stifling, but Mickey Milkovich didn't care for many people. The fact that she'd do something like that for Ian spoke volumes.

Just as Ian had put on her street clothes—unfortunately her body glitter was gonna get all over this shirt and pants, but it couldn't be helped—she headed out the door, and immediately ran into Mickey, almost knocking the other girl over.

“Shit!” Ian exclaimed, catching Mickey before she faceplanted on the pavement. “I didn't think you were gonna show up.”

“I had to make a run with Iggy and Colin,” Mickey explained. “Then they wanted to stop and grab some fuckin’ food, things got outta hand, you know the drill.”

Ian nodded, staring at her shirt on Mickey. It was one of her cuter hand-me-downs from Fiona, a nice black blouse with long, off-shoulder sleeves. She knew there wasn't a chance in hell that Mickey had worn something like that while she was out with her brothers, either. Not to mention the nice jeans she had on—they were in decent shape, not full of rips and holes like she usually wore. They were even tucked into a pair of combat boots that didn't look like they'd been beaten all to hell. It was a nice picture all put together, and Ian wondered if Mickey had done that for her sake.

“That's my shirt,” Ian murmured against Mickey's hair. She leaned down to kiss her, but Mickey jerked back like a scared animal. Ian sighed, but didn't push just then. Outside of a strip club wasn't the best place, anyway, she knew that. But Mickey was still wearing her shirt.

“Yeah, so fuckin’ what?” Mickey said, scowling. The tough girl attitude didn't work on Ian anymore, it just made Mickey look even cuter than usual. She grabbed Mickey's hand and steered her toward their usual after work bar.

“Nothing,” said Ian. “I just like seeing you wear my clothes.”

They both had fake IDs, but the butch woman behind the bar didn't seem to give a shit, sliding a beer towards each of them without a word. Ian clinked their bottles together, which earned her an eye roll from Mickey. She looked away quickly but Ian could still see the hint of a smile on her face. Score for Ian Gallagher.

Soon Ian pulled Mickey towards the dance floor, which was about half full with women of different ages, all ranging from full femme to stone butch, dancing close with their partners. Mickey grumbled and stood there with a scowl on her face as Ian tried to get her to dance, but Mickey didn't budge. “I ain't dancin’, Gallagher—it just makes you look dumb as shit.”

“You'd rather me be grinding up on some blonde cougar?” Ian said with a laugh, which only got worse when she saw Mickey nearly pop a blood vessel in anger. “Relax, I'm not gonna do that. But dancing is fun. What's wrong with fun?”

“Nothin’, except some creepy dyke or sleazy dude is always tryin’ to make the moves on y-”

Ian couldn't help herself; she leaned in to kiss Mickey, but got shoved away. It just made her roll her eyes, because if there was any place they could be safe to kiss, it'd be this one. But Mickey had a look in her eyes like a deer caught in headlights. In the past, Ian may have been more forgiving, but now Mickey needed to step things up. Let go of this shit, actually start learning to live instead of just surviving. So now Ian leaned back, staring at Mickey, waiting for her to give in. She always did, in the end; these days Ian could get her to do just about anything, and it gave Ian a thrill every time.

Mickey's gaze darted across the room; no one was looking at them or paying any kind of attention. It felt like Ian had to coax a scared dog out from hiding—but Mickey was always worth the wait. After a while it did get a little frustrating, but Mickey finally glanced at Ian's lips, took a step forward, and brought their mouths together. Hell fucking yes.

Ian wrapped her arms firmly around Mickey, who reached up and cupped Ian's jaw with one hand. They kissed each other like they were drowning—and maybe they were; drowning in the lights and the music and the fact that Mickey was wearing Ian's shirt, had gotten herself all nice and pretty just for Ian's sake. It made Ian never want to let her go, and Mickey seemed just as determined to hold onto her like a lifeline. Mickey's skin was hot under Ian's hands; Ian felt her own stomach turning flips, heat building inside her from the desire she had for this girl in her arms. The whole world seemed to fall away, like they were the only two in the room despite being surrounded by other people.

Goddamn, but Ian wanted her like she'd never wanted anyone else. Feeling Mickey's soft hair between her fingers, watching her pale, delicate skin grow flush so easily; Ian just wanted to press her against a wall, keep Mickey pinned down while she did as she pleased. The way Mickey looked at her when they finally pulled apart made Ian think that Mickey might let her do just that.

“Fuck, Mick…” Ian murmured against Mickey's ear, feeling the shudder that went through the other girl's body. It made Ian grin. The things they did to each other…

“Ian-” Mickey started to say, but Ian cut her off with another, dizzying kiss. Talking could come later. Right now, all Ian wanted was her lips against Mickey's own, pressing their bodies as close together as they could get. Right now she wanted the world to disappear so they could hold on and never let go. Everything she knew and loved about Mickey raced through her mind, until it was the only thing she could think of.

“Dance with me and I'll kiss you again,” Ian said with a smirk. Mickey looked around again, then put her arms around Ian's waist with a stubborn glare. Ian grinned wider, kissing Mickey again, pulling her in to dance. This was perfect—she had Mickey and she felt amazing, riding high on the feelings like she was on a roller coaster. It still made her blood hot, too, seeing Mickey in her clothes. Ian wondered just what else of hers Mickey might be wearing. She definitely needed to find out.

[whenthep8wn]

deserve.

Daisy jones x fem!reader

Warnings: cursing, a little internal homophobia, SOPILERS FOR EP 9, NICKY SLANDER, use of Y/N

A/N: OKAY YEAH I FINALLY WROTE A FIC AND ITS SUPER LONG!! okay bc it's my first fiction be nice also I love daisy jones and the six AND I JUST GOT THE BOOK! Request stuff!!!

How could he leave her like that? Not even just leave her. Period. But leave her in the fucking shower! Epecially When she was like that. What kinda of evil person would you have to be to leave someone there like that when you were basically the whole reason why that happened in the first place, and then you leave! "THAT GOD DAMN ITALIAN ASSHOLE!" That was the first thing that came out of my mouth when daisy told me what happened the night before the band and I, came barging out of are rooms after we all heard daisy screaming profanities at Nicky for leaving her there in the shower. "Y/N, please." The beautiful flower named girl said shushing me down from drawning any more attention to are seat in the crowded tour bus of daisy and the six. "Sorry," I said looking down quietly. "Come on Y/N, you're my closest, longest friend. You're the only one who truly knows me, and that's why you're the only person who knows the full story." "Well, I'm honored." I said with slight sarcasm making the fire head girl in front of me smile. "Anyway, I always got bad energy from Nicky, even when you invited me to the wedding. But, I didn't want to say anything because you were so happy." I said earning a strange look from daisy that turned to a small delighted smile. "I mean daisy, Those men didn't deserve you at all, Jesus-" "Wait Y/N what other men?" "All of them. Nicky, Billy, the guy who stole your beautiful Sublime, whatever song that he turned into a hit that should've been you're hit daisy!" "Y/N-" "You deserve so much better daisy." I said staring directly into her soul so maybe should would understand what I'm trying to say. That beautiful fiery girl scooched closer to me to look further into my soul. "Then who do I deserve Y/N?" Daisy said with that mischievous smirk she usually has on her face. I didn't need to say anything or so I thought. I thought we were on the same page but I guess I was wrong. I kissed her. Because I thought it was the right thing to do, because i thought it would change our relationship, because I thought it would change who I was, and where we were. But it didn't. I was still a woman. A lesbian. In the 70s. And she was still a woman. A straight woman. In the 70s. But, she didn't move. She didn't connect are lips like the puzzle piece that I thought desperately needed to be together. So I pulled away. I got up. "Y/N-" "Daisy, I'm sorry I shouldn't have. I-i- i didn't know what I was thinking, I know you don't feel the same, I'm so stupid!" "Y/N-" "-and- and look where we are I don't know what i thinking!" "Y/N!" "WHAT! NO! I mean no! I'm sorry I need to go." I stayed up all night. I couldn't sleep. I wouldn't sleep. My mind wouldn't allow me. My mind would only focus on her. My mind Could only focus on her. Around midnight I heard a very rushed knock on my hotel door. I was scared to open the door, but I was too tired and delusional to care less, so I just wanted to get this over with and tell who ever it was to fuck off so maybe I could get some sleep. When I opened a fiery red headed girl jumped on me and wrapped her legs around my waist and her arms slung around my neck before I could even get a word in. "Daisy-?" I said questioning why she was knowing full well she didn't love me how I wanted her too. "Daisy, what are you doing here?" I asked again. "Shhhh-" she whispered putting her finger to my lips. "I'm here for you." She said while jumping down from my body. "Wha-" "It's you. I deserve you. You deserve me." She send stepping closer to me almost filling the space between are body's. "I want you." She said sincerely. "Okay, but daisy, the way you acted on the bus, and all the men! I never thought you would feel the same way." "I know, I'm sorry. But you just freaked me out I never thought you would feel that way and in front of the band I just... froze." She said while looking down. "But know that I know it makes a lot of sense." She giggled. "Hmm, I guess I was wrong then." "Yes you were very wrong. You deserve me."

[ae-azile]

Progression Preview - Chapter 28

Apologies for lack of normal formatting to differentiate signing and texting from voiced lines. This is a much longer preview than normal and it would have taken a long time to format. For some reason, those aspects do not copy & paste into Tumblr like they do AO3). But Namphueng is still solely signing here, and Kim mostly chooses to when communicating with her.

Now...onto the preview. Or like 1/5 of the chapter lol.

-----------------------------------------------

“He was your…husband.” 

Porsche’s words are said in a thick, nervous voice, as if he is afraid to tell Namphueng or talk about it. Namphueng supposes it would be strange to inform someone that a man they are just remembering is their husband. 

Especially when she is a lesbian. 

Part of her wants to immediately deny it, tell Porsche that he is ridiculous for thinking such a thing. She has only loved Milan. She still loves Milan with her entire soul. Nothing changes that, even if what Porsche is saying is true. It really does not seem true. She is a lesbian, so it probably isn't. 

But at the same time, it doesn’t feel like a lie either. For one, Porsche looks emotional and sincere, so does Chay. Kim had looked uncomfortable until he went into the kitchen, which is actually what made her believe anything they might say would be true. No one is more affected by uncomfortable truths than Kim is. On top of that, she feels things when she remembers Pat. Not overwhelming love and yearning like she feels for Milan, but she feels…trust. Friendship. Security. Partnership. A love that is genuine and steady, but feels very familial. 

“Are you sure he's not my brother?” 

Porsche and Chay look at each other before looking at her again. 

“No, Ma. He's not. He was your husband.” 

Was. Was. What does that mean? Did they get divorced? That would make sense if her feelings about him then resemble the ones she has now, but it doesn't seem right. Despite knowing within her heart that she is a lesbian, she doesn't feel like it was a divorce. 

Deep down, there is a voice telling her she is right. 

“What happened to him?” Namphueng asks, trying her best to stay calm. She knows they are more nervous talking about stuff with her now. She's not stupid. They are worried she will hurt or kill herself because she tried to do just that. She needs to stay calm, especially for Porsche. She feels a spike of concern as tears well up in his eyes and he takes a sharp breath in. As for Chay, he just watches his brother silently until Chay turns to her. 

“He…He died,” Chay gets out, “I'm really sorry, Ma.” 

Namphueng has no choice but to take that in. Process the news. It makes her very sad. She doesn't cry. She feels like it is something she has known, which is all the more reason all of this is probably true. She doesn't remember much. She remembers Milan referring to him. She remembers having a few…classes with him? She even remembers spending time with him in an…apartment? Maybe a house? It's all blurry. Even his face is blurry. She remembers parted, black hair and glasses. 

And she remembers something else. Something important. 

“I’m sad,” Namphueng signs. Both of the boys nod in agreement. 

“Mm-hmm,” Porsche hums, clearing his throat, “You uh…You probably really loved him.”

Namphueng nods, because that's true. Even if she can't remember very much, she knows that to be true. When she thinks of what she can remember, she feels comfort, trust, and companionship. Pat understood her. He wanted similar things as her, even though she can't exactly remember what all of those things were. 

She remembers he was similar to her. 

“I did,” Namphueng signs, “I think…I think he was one of my closest friends. He understood me and he cared about me a lot. I understood and cared for him too. I don't remember his name, but Pat’s boyfriend was also a close friend of mine. He died too. Pat was very, very sad-” 

“Boyfriend?” Porsche says, waving his hands to cut in, “Pa- Pat didn't have a boyfriend.” 

Namphueng tilts her head, then remembers earlier on, going out with Pat, his boyfriend, and Milan. She thinks it was right after she started school? 

She remembers going to school. She lived in a dorm. When Pat’s boyfriend died, she got an apartment with Pat, but she doesn't…she doesn't remember Milan there, not much. She remembers Milan and Pat getting along the times she did come over, but it wasn't as frequent after…

Ugh.

Namphueng thinks Milan dated someone else too, because she remembers her bringing a man over. Gun. Milan married Gun. Milan had two sons with Gun. Why did Milan do that? 

Bitch. 

No, not a bitch. She doesn't even know why she thought that. From the dreams and random memories she has had, Namphueng thinks she is the one who broke things off, not Milan. So maybe SHE’S the bitch. She did marry Pat, but she doesn't think she and Pat lied to each other. She KNOWS that man is gay. 

Was gay. 

She feels like she told him she was a lesbian too. The thought that she kept it from him doesn't feel accurate at all-” 

“Ma! He wasn't gay!”

Why does Porsche care? 

“He was,” Namphueng signs, “I can NOT see myself marrying a man who is straight or even interested in women. I also remember him being gay. Don't be homophobic, thanks.” 

“I'm not homophobic!” Porsche snaps, jumping to his feet, “I'm with Kinn! But it makes no sense for the two of you to have gotten MARRIED when both of you were supposedly gay!” 

“Hia,” Chay prompts hoarsely, but Porsche isn't finished. 

“It doesn't make sense, Ma! It just doesn't! You loved each other!” 

“...Yes. We did,” Namphueng signs in a placating way, even though she doesn't know why Porsche is THIS upset, “I cared about him deeply. He was one of my closest friends. I think…I think his family didn't accept him? Maybe that's why we got married? I don't know. I don't remember. But I am very sad that he is dead and I would like to visit his grave or urn sometime soon so I can talk with him. Maybe not yet. I'm sad. But soon.” 

“Ma! You…You don't…You can't-” 

Porsche cuts himself off and begins to pace, all while Namphueng sits there patiently. She doesn't really want to sit there patiently. This isn’t even Porsche’s business. She doesn't know why he knows about Pat in the first place, or why he's upset Pat had been gay. But something in the back of her head is telling her to be compassionate, to be kind and gentle with him. It's saying this is hard on him.

Of course it is hard on him to find out like this. 

Why did she think that? What does that even mean? 

To take her mind off of it, she ignores Porsche’s pacing and turns to Chay. 

“Thank you for telling me about Pat. While I am very upset to hear about his passing, I won't do anything stupid. I promise. I'm sorry that you and Porsche are affected by this conversation. I will try not to bring him up around you-” 

“It's not that, Ma,” Chay says hoarsely, then looks at Porsche, “But uh…Maybe we should move on for now. For Hia’s sake.” 

Porsche’s pacing gradually comes to a halt as he seems to gear himself up to be confrontational or say something daring. But he doesn't. Instead, his shoulders slouch and he sits back down again. 

“Sorry about upsetting you,” Namphueng signs, and she means that, “We can move on.” 

Both of the boys stare at her before Porsche looks around.

“Where did Kim go?” 

Chay lets out a sigh, “He wanted to give us privacy so he is making lunch to take to the studio for everyone tomorrow.” 

“Maybe uh…” Porsche starts, “Maybe he should be in here? Kinn and Tankhun too-”

“No,” Namphueng signs, then holds up her hands, “I understand it's important for them to know, but I don't want to upset them right now. I shouldn't have said it in front of Kim. He lives with me and I thought it was important to tell him my theory. I wasn't thinking about Milan being his aunt. It's too late to take back, so I suppose he can listen to what I have to say and make a judgment call on if his brothers should know or not-” 

“Kim!” Porsche calls out. Within seconds, Kim comes out of the kitchen. He was probably listening in. That's fair. She did bring up her strong suspicion that his father is keeping his aunt locked away in likely  one of the many secret rooms in the compound. And it isn't much of a suspicion. It's a fact. 

As Kim quietly comes into the room and sits in the chair diagonal from Chay, she wants to tell Porsche to move so Kim can sit with Chay. Kim might need comfort from his boyfriend. 

But Porsche still seems to be the most overwhelmed, more so than the rest of them, and Namphueng knows they are all overwhelmed and upset. So Porsche is somehow feeling even worse. 

“I don't know whether we should tell your brothers, but I think Milan is still alive,” Namphueng signs, meeting Kim’s eyes, “I know you must think I sound crazy. That this is a coping skill to convince myself of this. But it's not. I remember her with me in a couple of the rooms. Korn moved us around.” 

Kim stares at her silently, opens his mouth to speak, then takes a shaky breath in and signs instead.

“What exactly do you remember of her?” 

Namphueng thinks hard. She remembers being in some…trance. She would have moments of something resembling lucidity, enough awareness to get restless and upset. Sometimes that meant trying to get Milan to focus on her, other times that meant trying to leave the room and wander. When she thinks even harder, she remembers Milan having those same moments. Rarely did they ever reach those moments at the same time, the only times they did were with the nurses. 

If Namphueng attacked them, Milan would always join in. If Milan initiated the aggression, Namphueng would do the same. Those moments all but stopped as the pill colors and sizes changed. That made it so they couldn't do much more than tend to their own basic needs when prompted, work on their preferred hobbies, and occasionally be just aware enough to take comfort in each other’s company, even though no words were exchanged between them. They were capable, but docile. They could barely think for themselves.

“I remember her first being brought in,” Namphueng signs, “I was painting. I think…I had a stronger sedative the day before. I was still out of sorts, but she seemed familiar. When she saw me, she ran for me and fell to her knees. Korn brought her to my room to punish her for something. I don't know what. But she kept saying she knew something hadn’t been right, that it didn't make sense she was never allowed to see…to see…” 

Namphueng trails off, because Namphueng being dead doesn't make sense, nor does the word “bodies”. Maybe when Pat died, Milan had been told Namphueng died too?

“My body,” Namphueng finishes, “Korn must have told her I was dead, then wouldn't show her my body. I don't know why he would do that. He is evil.” 

As Namphueng looks at Kim apologetically, she sees that he isn't offended. If anything, he is lost in thought until he meets her eyes. 

“Do you remember anything else?” 

Namphueng nods, “I have been remembering more and more recently. I have been meditating and putting on dream and memory recollection videos on my television while I sleep. I think they help.” 

Chay lets out a sigh, “Are you…Are you sure you aren’t…dreaming everything? Or remembering wrong?” 

“I remember,” Namphueng signs. She expected this, “I remember her being in the room with me. I remember when the medicine wasn't as…bad. It was still bad, but we interacted more. She would make me jewelry. That's what she did while I drew and painted. She made hand embroidered jewelry. Sometimes with thread, other times with tiny beads. She worked really hard at it. I remember her almost always giving the final results to me. They were beautiful. I don't remember her doing that when we were younger, but she was very good at it.” 

Kim stares at her, his expression unreadable. Namphueng holds his gaze patiently until he digests the information and is ready to respond.

“I am worried about you being wrong and you trying to hurt yourself again.” 

Namphueng nods, “I scared you and upset you that night. Of course you are. I will…Try my best not to if that's the case. I will remind myself that I have friends. People who care about me. I have Fern, Vegas, Macau, Pete, and Paris too. Milan’s family.” 

Kim nods, “You do. You have them too. But I don't think they should know about this. Not yet.” 

“...Okay,” Namphueng signs, pursing her lips, “So we need to find proof and then-” 

“We need to find her. Not just proof,” Kim says, “Proof of her once being here will trigger them to do something drastic. They are too close to the matter. So are we, but we have been around Pa. We know how he is and need to investigate subtly but thoroughly-”

“Kim, you can't be encouraging this!” Porsche says, “This could end up really hurting her!” 

Kim turns and meets Porsche’s gaze, “Do you think she will just drop it if we tell her to? Forget that she came to this conclusion?” 

“I won't!” Namphueng signs sternly.

“She needs answers,” Kim says, “Even if they end up being upsetting answers, she still needs them. But we also need to remember to search for them…gradually. Go about this in a way that doesn't raise Pa’s suspicions. Maybe Khun and Arm can…I don't know, make him feel obligated when Arm’s sisters and nieces move in. Remind Pa how serious their relationship is and that Khun considers them his family. Convince Pa to go on day trips with them-”

“Oh, I'm sure they will all love THAT,” Porsche scoffs before muttering under his breath. Something about how his favorite couple isn't a decoy. Namphueng agrees. They aren't decoys. But surely Khun will want answers too. 

“I think we should hold off on telling Kinn and Khun about this,” Kim tells them, “For now. It is…It's stressful to hear. Khun might automatically believe it's true and respond impulsively. Kinn may try to deny it's a possibility because he will be too defensive and upset over the thought of Pa doing something like that. Again.” 

With that, Kim stands up and looks down at Namphueng, “It might take a while to investigate all of this. On top of that, we need to go about our daily lives as normal so we don't raise suspicions. I don't believe even Chan knew about you. I know for a fact Arm didn't, and he wouldn't know about Auntie Milan either. So there are likely security measures Pa put in place himself when it came to you. And if my aunt is hidden away, it's likely the same for her. I wouldn't be surprised if he strengthened them after making your presence known.” 

Chay looks up at his boyfriend at that point, “Kim-” 

“I accept,” Namphueng signs, standing up to give Kim a hug before pulling away, “Thank you for listening to me. I didn't want to upset anyone with this, but I thought keeping it to myself wasn't helping either.” 

With that, Namphueng turns to Porsche and Chay. 

“I am sorry if I upset you tonight by bringing up Pat. I am not sure why you are upset when he was my husband and close friend, but if you knew him and that brought up bad memories, I apologize.” 

And she truly means that. She does. But the boys seem too overwhelmed to really do anything but nod and say it's fine. It makes her feel more certain that - when she's ready - she will ask for more details, maybe for some pictures of him too. She may not have loved him romantically, but he was one of her closest friends and she clearly loved him enough to marry him.

So if she finds out he died in a way that needs to be avenged, she will try her best to be the one who carries that out. 

—-----------------

Chay knows he needs to talk with Hia privately. But going by Hia’s dazed walk as he leaves the suite, Chay figures it would best be had tomorrow. As for tonight, Chay will keep his communication with his brother simple. 

Chay: ❤️❤️❤️ I love you, Hia. Try to get some rest. Can we have dinner after I get back tomorrow? I should have some time in between then and my shift at Yok’s. 

It takes several minutes, but Hia responds. 

Hia: You're still working at Yok’s? Why? 

Chay: Why wouldn't I? 

Hia: You're heavily featured on an album of one of the biggest musical artists in the country. 

Chay: And? I enjoy working at Yok’s too. I’ll quit after I start school. If I get in. 

Hia: You’ll get in. ❤️ Are you okay? 

Chay: I don't know. I guess, but I'm worried. How are you? 

It takes His several minutes to respond to that too. 

Hia: I'm okay. Get some rest. I love you. 

Chay: Love you too. 

Chay hears a whine beside him and looks down to see Koda sitting by his feet. He gets on his hind legs and balances them on Chay’s lap. Chay cups his dog’s face and briefly presses his forehead against his. 

“You want to go for another walk while your papa finishes up cooking and avoiding the world?” 

Once Koda hears his favorite word, he's by the door, wiggling his tail in excitement. Chay can't help but give the best boy in the entire world a big smile despite everything he just heard. 

The walk is mostly uneventful. He takes Koda outside through one of the back exits and walks him around the large block the building takes up. It isn't as exciting as a walk at one of the parks, or one of the longer walks he and Kim will take him on that leads them to exploring other areas of the neighborhood, but it's more interesting to Koda than a walk inside the compound. Koda treats those walks pretty neutrally, although he keeps showing a lot of interest in the pool. But he hasn't completely healed from his surgery, so Chay isn't even trying it. Until then, Koda only gets excited to see some of the staff and guards, all while being cordial and passive with Korn. Probably for the best. 

Koda does like Sand though. A lot. Not as much as he likes Kim, Ma, Hia, Khun, and Phoenix, but Kinn and Sand are likely on par. Although, Sand gives him more affection when he sees Koda, and Kinn awkwardly pats him and takes him on obligatory walks. 

“You're still on compound duty despite becoming Korn’s guard?” Chay asks as soon at Sand squats down to ruffle Koda’s fur. 

“Only a couple of nights a week,” Sand says, keeping most of his attention on Koda, “Korn is pretty low maintenance, at least so far.” 

“I doubt it will stay that way,” Chay mutters, then takes a breath, “He…Sand, he was okay with getting his long-term head guard killed. You need to be careful around him.” 

“Hm.” 

“I'm serious,” Chay reiterates, “You can't trust him. You told me before you don't trust him-” 

“How is your night?” Sand says, cutting Chay off, “That's how one usually starts a conversation.” 

Chay stares at him for a moment, then clears his throat, “It's…okay. How is yours?” 

“Slow. Boring-” 

“Good,” Chay says, getting back on track, “Considering you are Korn’s guard now-” 

“He picked a few guards. I happened to be one of them,” Sand says, “I didn't question it because he's older, Kinn is mainly in charge, and I was given a raise regardless the lack of missions Korn will likely be leading. Why do you care?”

“Because I care about you,” Chay says. Even though he has never felt anything truly romantic for Sand, he is still fond of him and considers him a friend to some degree - moreso than any of the other people he hooked up with. If he hadn't been in the headspace he had been in, he could see himself maybe being open to seeing where things might have led back then. But the sentiment - while true - still must come of as strange to Sand since he gives him a look. 

“Uh huh.” 

“I do,” Chay says gently, “You've been a friend to me. You always agreed to pair up with me for training and I hang out with you more than any other guard-”

“Not recently.” 

…That's true. 

“I'm sorry,” Chay says, “It…It’s been a few weeks since we have worked out and trained together. It's just been busy. I'm helping Kim with his album. And…We’re together now. You know that.” 

Sand shrugs, “I am aware.” 

Great. Chay thought Sand had been fine with it, unlike Vice and Mars, who still send him glares every once in a while. 

“Are you pissed off at me over falling for and getting with Kim?”

Sand stays quiet for a moment, then shrugs, “No. Not really. I hope it's going well.” 

Chay stares at Sand for a moment, “It is. It's going great. But…if you are comparing what the two of us did to what I have with Kim now and feel hurt by it, then I am sorry. I didn't…I wasn't going about anything right, and I upset a lot of people I should have treated with more kindness, care, and respect.” 

“Your fuck buddies and random hook-ups? Kindness, care, and respect usually don't get associated with those kinds of arrangements.” 

Chay winces at that, but moves past it, “You’re right, but…That wasn't who I wanted to be. I was going through a rough time and I was angry. I let everything I was doing spiral out of control and I regret sleeping with a lot of the people I did, but there are a few that were…I don't know. I am glad you still stayed my friend and didn't push for more or push me away once I decided to stop being the person I became. I don't regret what what we did together in the past, and I would like to be friends with you if you actually aren't mad.” 

Chay feels himself shift nervously on his feet at Sand studies him curiously. Then, he gives Koda one last pat before standing up to full height. 

“Then as your friend, I would advise you to not ask me questions about Korn.” 

Chay squints at him, “I'm asking because I am concerned. He's not a good person. You know what he did to my ma and how he has treated Kim and Khun and-” 

“Stop,” Sand says briskly, then stares straight ahead, “I need you to stop. You are one of the people he specifically noted in regards to who to keep our eyes on-” 

“He told you to spy on me?” 

“No,” Sand says, “He just said to note if we see anything suspicious coming from you. That you harbor…resentment that stems from grief and paranoia-”

“It doesn't stem from paranoia if he killed my pa and imprisoned my mother!” Chay hisses. It causes Sand’s unreadable and neutral expression to finally crack and it becomes an empathetic one instead.

“I’m telling you what he said to make sure you're careful around him, despite what punishment that may bring me if Korn found out. So do me a favor by being careful around him and stop bringing him up to me unless you absolutely have to.” 

The conversation quickly becomes one sided after that. All Chay can do is begrudgingly mumble a goodnight before walking his dog the rest of the way around the block and leading him back inside. By the time he gets back to his suite and unhooks Koda from the leash so he can go to the kitchen and get some water, he finds Kim walking out of the room in question before sitting on the couch. 

“How are you doing?” Kim asks, then lets out a sigh, “I should have asked you before. I should have stayed. It's just…she said what she did about my aunt and I needed time to think-” 

“I get it,” Chay interrupts, “And I’m…stressed and worried. Mainly about Ma. I'm worried about this being a way for her to cope, something that gives her hope and drive until her theory is proven otherwise. She says it isn't and that she won't do anything drastic if she ends up being wrong, but she is so convinced she is right that it might not be the case if things end up going that way.” 

Kim nods thoughtfully, “I'm worried about that too.” 

Chay figured, but before he can sit down and talk it out with him, Kim continues. 

“But despite that and logic telling me…telling me that her theory likely isn't true…part of me believes her.” 

Chay sharply breathes in and feels his heart ache at that, “Kim-"

“It might be wishful thinking, but one thing she said is really bothering me,” Kim says, his gaze distant, “You ma said that her hobby was drawing and painting, while Auntie Milan’s was making and embroidering jewelry. Auntie Milan did do that. It was a hobby of hers.” 

At that point, Kim’s gaze comes back into focus as he meets Chay’s eyes. 

“But she didn't start doing that until after Khun was rescued. She used to sit with him a lot in the infirmary where he was kept sedated. She picked it up for something to do. She had a beginner’s book and everything. So how would your ma even know about it unless she witnessed it herself? And how would she witness it when she had been declared dead and held captive several years before Auntie Milan even picked up the hobby?” 

There is no alternative explanation Chay can give. He doesn't have one. As for Kim, he doesn't seem to have one either. 

[danpuff-ao3]

(PRIDE)

This month I've decorated our calendar in Pride colors.

To explain: my office has a dry erase calendar. The ungodly maniac who created it decided it should be Monday-Sunday. I mention this not because it's at all important, but because I need to vent about how much I hate it at every given opportunity. Anyway, back to the point: dry erase calendar. Each month I fill in the calendar with the month, year, and all of its days. Each month I give 2 colors: 1 color for normal days and 1 color for "special days" (holidays and coworker birthdays.) The 2 colors change per month. Red and blue for July. Red and green for December. Orange and black for October. Last month, May, I chose pink and green because it was my birth month and I chose some of my favorite colors.

This month, every Monday is red. Every Tuesday is orange. Every Wednesday is lime green (there is no yellow!) Thursdays are dark green. Fridays are blue. Saturdays and Sundays are the closest colors I could get to "indigo" and "violet." This means instead of swapping between 2 markers, I have to keep all 7 at the calendar, and dig out which one I need to mark off any given day. It's a bit of a hassle but I like the extra color and I really like the nod to Pride.

Why this matters is I half expected to get in trouble. You see, I live in the Bible belt of the U.S. I live in a very rural city. Technically it's called a city, but it's a laughable excuse for one, and yeah quite rural. Quite conservative. Quite Christian. The sort of place where no one is racist or homophobic "buuuut...."

No one said anything at first, but on Friday one of our workers said "I like the calendar!" which I proudly zoomed out of my office to take ownership of. "That was me!" Said worker was very enthusiastic about it, and appreciated it as "it's the details!" She's only one person, but her support made me feel better about my decision. My Boss was sitting there when she said this, and his lack of commentary further relieved me. Clearly he was aware of it and had no problem with it. Phew!

Later that afternoon, a handful of us gathered around another coworker as she lamented how her daughter has been distant from her. She never outright said it, but strongly hinted that her daughter recently came out as a lesbian and she may or may not have a girlfriend. This coworker is very "love the sinner hate the sin." She never outright says anything. But if you listen long enough, you get the picture.

The trouble is, I otherwise really like this coworker. She's funny, vivacious, generous, kind. She just is also very Christian and very married to her beliefs. She doesn't hate anyone, you see. She just can't "support" everyone and everything.

To hear her tell it, her relationship with her daughter was fine after all of this. She wouldn't really hear a word about it. But me...I don't know. Maybe the daughter was relieved at first that her mother didn't hate her, but over time it grated at her. Maybe it was fine before she had a girlfriend, but now that she has an actual partner, her parents' position on the matter is more of a problem. My coworker thinks the girlfriend is a "bad influence" but as for me...I don't know.

In fairness, I don't know the daughter or the girlfriend. Maybe my coworker is right. Maybe the daughter doesn't care that her parents love her, but hate her "sin." Maybe her girlfriend really is a bad influence. But I can't help but really doubt it.

I like this coworker. It makes me sad that she's so hurt. I don't like anyone to hurt. But also....I can't help but hope her daughter keeps her distance. Her daughter is young and, while an adult and living on her own, still relies on her parents for so much. I really hope that she can break away from needing them. That she can take care of herself and not need to keep people in her life who don't really accept her. I've never met this woman in my life, but I ache for her.

What my very Christian coworkers don't know is that I'm agnostic. Also: asexual. That last one might not mean much to them. It's not anything people take very seriously. At best they sort of shrug it off. At worst people are confused or think I'm confused. Even people in the LGBT+ community don't think we belong with them.

It's easy in some ways. I'm a cis woman and my partner is a cis man and no one looks at us twice. No one's really going to be on my case unless I make a big deal out of my identity.

The problem is, it's a big deal to me. I spent years and years feeling broken and confused. I had no comprehension of what asexuality really was until my early to mid twenties. Once it was on my radar, it still took me years to sort it all out. I was 26 before I really found a way to explain who I am and what I experience: sex-favorable asexual! Even now it feels like such an important thing because even if not everyone will understand, I at least understand it myself, and have some tools to try to help people understand. The words make me feel comfortable, and valid, and whole. And not crazy. Not broken. It feels nice to know I'm not alone. That there are people out there who feel the way I do, and experience what I do.

Since the start of the month I've seen friends make their own pride posts, and I've wanted to make posts of my own, but it always felt icky. Wrong. Am I overstepping if I talk about it? Not everyone thinks we belong, after all. We don't really "count" as queer to everyone.

So maybe it's easier in some ways. In other ways, though....it can feel like such a small and lonely place to be.

My world is bigger than the small-minded small-town I'm physically in. I have friends all over the world. Friends from different places, with different faiths, and different orientations. Most of my friends are queer and neurotypical and just as "weird" as me. I have a place I belong and people I belong with, even if they're not a walk down the street, or even a car drive to the next town over. I'm lucky in some ways.

And foolish in others.

I forget sometimes just how small people can be. Many of those around me scoff at Pride. Who needs Pride anyway? There are rainbows all over! Rainbows belong to GOD and the GAYS STOLE IT. What about straight pride? The world isn't really homophobic anymore. They're not homophobic, really, but...

Since Friday I've not been so proud of my pride calendar. It's such a small and silly thing. This office is so gray. Gray floors and gray walls. The sky outside is gray. My little rainbow calendar looks so sad. It's not really do anything.

Except, it meant something to someone. One person's day was brightened to see it. And maybe that's all that will happen. But maybe someone will come into our office...someone like my coworker's daughter...and maybe they'll see it and feel less alone. Even if they don't know who, even with nothing else, maybe just knowing that someone here supports them...maybe it can mean something to someone. I know how important it's been for me to feel less alone.

And even though it feels so small, every day I rummage for the corresponding color and mark off another brightly colored day.

[kiristephens]

Name: Kiri Stephens Occupation: N/A Age: Appears 48; actually 48 Sexuality: Lesbian Species: Vampire Clan/Pack/Coven: Clan Lomidze Hometown: Auckland, New Zealand Relationship Status: Married (I guess??) Personality Traits: Intelligent, efficient, organized, patient, ruthless, calculating, standoffish, arrogant, vindictive

Biography (tw: racism/colonialism, kidnapping, torture, death)

Magic was something that Kiri was born into, though in her community, they didn't call it that. Her family comes from a long line of tohunga, Maori priests and healers who used the natural world and its abundances for their craft. However, it was never called witchcraft, for fear of persecution from settlers who already perceived them as primitive for their practices. Her own parents and siblings preferred to assimilate into the tidy little boxes that the world crafted for them, while Kiri craved learning more. She wanted to fill in the all of the gaps in knowledge left behind by colonial violence that stamped out anything that was different.

So at 18, she left Aotearoa behind and set off for the United States, seeking out an advanced degree in biochemistry while also learning all she could about her history and practices that have since been lost.

The wider world of the supernatural is opened up to her while she is trying to get her PhD in traditional Maori practices combined with the latest pharmaceutical endeavors, using it as a way to carve her way into the world she demanded. It is through this that she met an elder, someone who still seemingly held knowledge from a long-forgotten time, and eventually encourages Kiri to make her way to Port Leiry.

Once there, Kiri learned that the world was so much wider than she was initially led to believe. The Circle of the Phial welcomed her, and for the first time in her life, Kiri felt like she had a proper place somewhere. No longer was she chased away from knowledge that she felt entitled to know, and her mentor was thrilled to have someone to pass along said knowledge to carry on their culture, rather than led it fade away over time. Combined with Kiri's natural talent and her scientific background, she built a reputation for herself as particularly skilled with developing drugs and salves for illnesses and injuries, that were grounded in both traditional techniques as well as scientific advances. Kiri flourishes, reaching for higher goals and with them, riskier substances, particularly in ways to not only heal witches from attacks by other supernatural creatures, but to provide an offensive edge as well.

It's this ambition that has Kiri crossing into Westriver Gardens one day by herself, in search of a rare plant that had particularly potent numbing capabilities, originally local to her homeland but now transplanted into the Pacific Northwest. She doesn't anticipate being stopped by the owner of the Gardens herself, and is even more surprised that she manages to get away wholly unscathed. Rather than a threat, Laure proved to be the next person to change Kiri's life.

For the first time in decades, her ambition takes a backseat to this new development in her life. They dance around each other for months before taking the next leap, and after that, everything is history. She spends the next 12 years happily thriving in her relationship, and seeing what perks came with loving someone who was immortal. With it came bursts of creativity, unbound by issues of cost or material. The apothecary she runs leans into the tourist trap notions of spells and curses, while also providing all supernatural creatures with a variety of magical potions and enhancements. She reconnects with the family she thought she had walked away from, in the form of a niece and a protege. It's the closest thing to bliss that Kiri has ever been able to imagine.

What she kept secret from everyone, including her wife, were Kiri's recent experiments into new types of potions that, instead of enhancing traits, would work to suppress them. They were meant to be a means of easing this way of life to the people who were unwillingly brought into it. A potion to artificially flavor animal blood to mimic the qualities of a human or a witch, an elixir that allowed a wolf to sleep through the full moon in peace without the loss of control, a combination of herbs to help quiet the voices from the other side. An arguably noble motive, but one that could lead to disastrous consequences if exploited.

She never got far in these endeavors, sidetracked by the upcoming ceremony where she would transition from witch to vampire. She assumed that she would have eternity to continue working on such things, even without her natural magic.

The initial attack is a blur, iron tang in her mouth as an athame slices across her throat. Not deep enough to kill, but enough to spill the blood that is necessary for this ruse. She can still sometimes smell the way the crimson viscera poured out onto the concrete. She assumes it means her death.

She has never been so wrong.

When she wakes, she sees only her. For three years, she lives, solely at Lana's discretion. The vampire says it's because she needs a witch, to undo what another has done, but even if that was within her realm of magic, Kiri refuses. She languishes in the dark, provided updates on the outside world, on her wife, from a cruel voice, and she feels her mind begin to fray.

The masquerade is the final straw. Lana brings Kiri as her date, so she can see with her own eyes the indiscretions of her wife. She watches as Laure flaunts around a younger creature, a vampire, dressed in one of Kiri's favorite gowns. She watches as she dances with a human, whispering sweetly in her ear. She watches as her wife stands three feet away and is unable to hear Kiri's internal screaming while Lana bites into her neck.

At the end of the night, she returns to the cramped space that has become hers over the last several years. When Lana inevitably visits her, the pain and humiliation have twisted her into something inconsolable. So she begs, and Lana provides. It is a far cry from the detailed plan that she had created with her wife, but Lana takes her time. Shows her the closest thing to gentleness that she's felt in three years, and it ends with the snap of her neck.

Wanted Plots / Connections

TBA

[boy-above]

genshin identity headcanons cause i wanna share:

venti: i suppose the closest thing in gender would be demiboy? with beings like him i consider them to be born without a gender, so calling them cis or trans feels odd because they were never assigned one to begin with. he has all the genders but also none, but is boy adjacent. prefers he/him, but also likes being called feminine things like wife, bride, maiden etc.

xiaoxiao: also born genderless but sees himself as a man, i think his masculinity is important to him (but does not stop him from having pretty eyeliner). demisexual/demiromantic, has only loved one (1) man in his life. venti was his first time, but luckily venti has been alive for 2600+ slutty, slutty years and is very experienced.

scara: trans man, was created in the likeness of a woman but decided he didn't like that actually and chopped his hair off. gay, but has a complicated relationship with love because of *gestures at all of him as a person*. was in love with niwa but never loved again, until he found one (1) maple boy

maple boy: a simple gay man. i tend to see him as cis. he and mouchie are peak 'i'll find you in every lifetime'.

heizou is gay cis man but is very gnc. usually i like kazuha and scara to be exclusive but heikazuscara is also really good. heizou and scara would be competitive and love fighting each other but would do Anything for kazuha. they're in their get along shirt. they're gonna fuck in the get along shirt.

albedo: aro/ace. doesn't care much about gender but prefers masculine terminology, is probably smooth like a ken doll down there. he has a complete disinterest in sex and could probably sit there and watch ppl go at it in a completely detached scientific way. would take notes. interesting research material.

razor, bennett, and fischl: all of them are bi and polyam. razor doesn't know what a gender is and doesn't care what people call him, he doesn't pay attention much. as long as they know he's razor and he's a wolf then they've got it covered as far as razor is concerned. bennett is a trans boy, lucky to be surrounded by sososososo many supportive dads. fischl is a trans girl who of course had her trans awakening when she realized how much she wanted to be pretty and cool like her favorite book character. also they're all autistic i don't make the rules. fischl also has something going on with mona sometimes but it's on and off and not as serious as with the other two. "my name is razor and this my boyfriend bennett and our girlfriend fischl, and this her girlfriend mona" basically.

layla is an ace lesbian who falls in love with every pretty girl who is nice to her, but doesn't have time to pursue a relationship because of how busy she is with school ): her dreams are full of said pretty girls though.

i think i also see barbara as an ace lesbian as well, she is the cutest little blorbo.

ayaka is very obviously bi. i think she and kokomi would be rly cute together. that's my rarepair of the day.

tighnari and cyno are both arospec gay. perhaps demiromantic. love dick, probably wouldn't be chasing it if they didn't have each other though. trans tighnari supremacy. sumeru is the best place to be if you wanna transition.

xingqiu is a catty, mean ass gay. babygirl hes noncomforming to genders you've never even heard of. any pronouns are fine. his boyfriend chongyun is cis and there's not a thought in his head. he doesn't fully understand xingqiu's gender stuff but he's got the right spirit. i don't think i have a preference for whether chongyun would be gay or bi. he and xingqiu have been attached at the hip for their whole lives so he's never had to put much thought into it.

xinyan, yun jin, and xiangling are polyam. xiangling and xinyan are bi while yun jin is a lesbian. yun jin is also a trans lady, and they all love each other very much. yun jin and shenhe would be cute too but i think i prefer aro/ace shenhe.

gorou is a cis gay who has definitely experienced gay panic™️ before. he really thought he liked girls but realized he just rly admires a lot of the women in his life but doesn't actually like them that way (kokomi for example). im fascinated by how a man can be such an exemplary twink while still being so straight. he didn't have to come out because everyone already knew before he did.

itto is a cis man, and he's a pan legend. he doesn't know that word though, he'd just tell you that everyone is hot. definitely doesnt have a thought in his head when it comes to gender but is supportive. shinobu is a trans woman and is bi and aspec. when itto found out she was trans he was like "shinobu is so smart she really Can do everything :0"

jean and diluc are both bi and are exes and i think they could get up to a lot of silly ex shenanigans. they parted on friendly terms obviously.

furina is my precious boygirl, she is bigender and transmasc, and she's bisexual. any pronouns are fine. i feel like she would also have a crush on anyone who's nice to her.

[jeanjauthor]

I once asked my mother a series of questions as a teenager, back in the 1980s.

I would start them with "Hypothetically..." meaning this was just a theoretical question, and not an actual commentary.

I honestly wanted to know what my parents (especially my mother, my closest rolemodel as a (mostly) female teen) were thinking.

Until one day I asked, "Hypothetically speaking, Mom...what would you say if I said I were a lesbian?"

She. Hit. The. ROOF.

She SCREAMED at me, " I'D TAKE YOU TO A PSYCHIATRIST!!"

...You have to understand how bad this FURIOUS statement was. How dangerous it was, the sheer danger I had inadvertently put myself in.

We knew my dad was bipolar, he was seeing a psychiatrist, it had put our family through a lot of pain and heavy days of uncertainty, never knowing when he was "safe to approach" some weeks, on and on and on...and back then, being diagnosed as homosexual was Very Serious, and would get you stigmatized VERY HEAVILY.

They were still locking people up for being Psychologically "Unstable" for Not Being Straight, back then. You could literally wind up in a psych ward for...just being yourself.

My mother screamed at me all manner of horrible, horrible things, while I was backpedalling fast and furious, YELLING RIGHT BACK THAT I WASN'T A LESBIAN, IT WAS HYPOTHETICAL, I'M NOT A LESBIAN I'M NOT A LESBIAN I'M NOT A LESBIAN, IT WAS ONLY HYPOTHETICAL, MOTHER!!!

Nearly 20 fucking minutes of having this screaming match with her, that it was JUST A HYPOTHETICAL QUESTION!!!

...Never, ever did I tell her I was bisexual, until I was in my fucking forties.

AFTER gay marriage was legalized.

I knew I was bisexual in the 1970s, when I was still single-digit-aged, not a teenager.

I didn't dare tell her the truth about myself after that screaming match, until long after she'd been exposed to perfectly fine, perfectly sane people who were friends of the family who were gay, and lesbian, and bisexual.

She finally...finally...accepts that about me. And that I'm genderfluid. Finally.

I had to give up a friendship with someone I had known for years because my parents disagreed with pregnancy out of wedlock, and at the time I had zero way to support myself, so I had to live under their roof.

Imagine how much worse it would've been if I had told the full truth, instead of merely screaming for twenty minutes straight "--It's only a hypothetical question, Mother!!!" just to defend the fact it was the truth. (I'm not a lesbian, never have been, never will be. I'm not confused. I'm just bi.)

...Sometimes you just want your parents to be kind to you, to accept who you are, to watch you grow up and realize your sexuality has nothing to do with how good OR bad a person you are...and that they should still love & support & wish you well.

"We've all got to be fighting that fight every day."

Happy Pride, everyone...

[neohiolesbian]

The Firefighter - First Date

What better inaugural post than about the person I dated that gave me the stories to want to make this blog?

I met K on Tinder (I know, but there aren't many options here). Immediately she was so sweet and flirty which I took very well to. It wasn't long after we started texting that we set up our first date.

Dinner and a movie. Simple, right? Summer 2023, we were going to see the Barbie Movie after going to dinner at her favorite Mexican place. I remember being so nervous because I thought she was so cool. K showed up riding a motorcycle, wearing a leather jacket, and I was smitten.

The food at this place was fantastic. It's been a long time now so I can't remember what we ate, but I have been back there since and it's always amazing. It was there, though, that I should've started noticing the red flags.

It started when she wanted to change the movie I had picked out. That's fine! She didn't want to see the Barbie Movie, I'm not one to force people into things. However there were many times she could have said so. But that was also the opening weekend for the newest Saw movie, Jigsaw, so I thought 'I love the Saw movies! Let's do it!'.

We went to the shopping center where the movie theater was and walked around for a while as we had at least an hour to kill before the 10p showing. K was so chivalrous, even now I think about it and want that in a partner. She would insist on opening doors for me and walking on the outside of the sidewalk closest to the road. Really made me feel like a special lady. She even walked me to my car at the restaurant and waited for me to get in and start it before going to her motorcycle.

So we see this movie, it's pretty good, we had a really good time with the story and gore, and I talked her through some of the elements of the movie that were part of the other movies in that series (they were a pretty big favorite of mine. Knowing this person would change that.) And once it was done, K again walked me to my car.

The date was over, but we did that thing I'm sure a lot of lesbians on first dates do. We lingered by my car, finding anything to talk about for just a few moments, waiting for the other to make a move. Then she asked me if I wanted a kiss.

Naturally I said yes. Of course I said yes! She was so cool and sweet, how could I not? But something to know about me, I do not have the most experience. Before that I had only ever been in one relationship which didn't even involve kissing. The only kisses I'd ever gotten were through games or this one kind of traumatizing New Year's party when I was 16 or 17. So my biggest problem was I didn't know how to go about it! And I was nervous. Beyond nervous! And I said so.

K nodded when I told her I wasn't sure what to do and took my hands in hers. She said "I want you to close your eyes and count backwards from 10." I began to count. When I got to 6, she kissed me.

I will think about that kiss forever.

All the way home I couldn't stop smiling. No one had ever made me feel like that before. Like... like I was special and desirable. Maybe that's why I ignored a lot of the issues going forward. I was chasing that feeling she gave me on our first date.

I never felt that way with K again.

[servin-up-surveys]

survey #184

Are either of your parents engaged but not married yet? No; my mom hasn't really dated anyone since my parents split, but my dad remarried; it was apparently his current wife's idea though because she's very religious and didn't want to live together but not be married.

Do you cuddle with your pet (if you have one)? Yes.

What college did you want to attend as a kid? NC State.

Do you have a pet gecko? No, but I do WANT a fat-tailed gecko one day.

Are you scared of reptiles? Not at all, I love reptiles.

Honestly, have you ever eaten raw cookie dough? lol of course, who hasn't at some point.

Where would you most like to go in your state, etc that you haven’t been? Blue Ridge Mountains. I've ridden through the Appalachians when going to Tennessee to visit my brother as a kid, but we didn't actually stop to spend time there. I have very faint memories of it being fucking stunning, though.

Who was the last member of the opposite sex you laid in a bed with? Girt.

About what things are you most selfish? Alone time. I know I become really unpleasant if I seriously need but can't get it in that moment.

Are you camera shy? Why/why not? Yes, because I think I basically always look ugly.

What is one small thing your significant other does that makes you happy? If you are single, what is one small thing a friend does to make you happy? He's really good at catching how my anxiety might interpret something he says or does, and when he does, he'll immediately clarify so my brain doesn't wander to bad places. He does this even on occasions where I didn't over-evaluate, and I appreciate it A LOT.

From inside of your house, how many doors lead outside? Two.

Who was the last person to give you flowers? Girt.

What do you think would be the hardest thing for you to give up? Internet, easy.

Do you like BBQ sauce? No, I actually hate it.

Did the last person you kissed ever give you a hickey? It's not something he generally does and I don't think he means to either, but yes.

How many subscribers do you have on your YouTube channel? 74, apparently. I haven't uploaded anything in years.

If you could have a car in any color you wanted, which color? Pink, hypothetically. I know that's generally a custom thing though, and I would not pay extra just for the color to be pink. Out of "normal" colors, I'd definitely pick burnt orange.

What is your favorite Avril Lavigne song? "Nobody's Home" has slapped since 2004 and it's never gonna stop.

What was the last thing you were mad at a doctor about? My fucking wonderful psychiatrist was going to have me stop a medication cold-turkey (one I'd been on for a long time, btw); it was my mother, NOT the professional, who was like "wait shouldn't we wean her off of this?", and this fucking idiot was like "oh yeah let's do that." The place I'm currently going to for psychiatry is fucking insufferable and has a horrific reputation on a large scale, like there is ZEEEEEEERO excuse for A PSYCHIATRIST to plan on abruptly stopping a psych med, never mind one that's deeply settled in my system. That shit can be catastrophic, this is common fucking knowledge for people who are medicated for mental illnesses.

Is your mother a lesbian? No, she's straight.

Do any of your close friends NOT have a Facebook account? Yeah.

Would you ever consider getting dreadlocks? No, definitely not for me.

When was the last time you swam in a pool? Like a week and a half ago; my mom and I went to our friends' Summer and Lolita's house to hang out, it was a great time. I got burned a bit though.

What was the last thing you said out loud? I thanked Mom for dinner.

Have you ever wanted to be a nurse? No.

Who or what do you worship? Nothing. Nature would be the closest, but "worship" isn't the right word for my relationship with it. I don't see actual divinity in it, I just immensely respect it.

What was the last song you listened to on repeat? uhhhh actually good question

What song do you want played at your wedding? Do you mean like, the first dance song? Because I definitely want many songs to be played throughout the whole event, I'm totally making a playlist lmao. I'm not certain, but a part of me wants "If It's Love" by Train, it's one of my favorite love songs ever and is so fun and celebratory. I'd want my spouse to have a say too, though; the wedding isn't just mine.

What are three of the most painful things you have ever stepped on? I don't know, really.

If applicable, what song are you listening to right now? None, I'm watching a Super Best Friends Play video.

If you could choose three US states to visit, which three states would you pick? Alaska, Arizona, and Wyoming.

Have you ever donated blood? Twice now, and I absolutely wanna do it more often following this last time; it was very fulfilling, and getting an email so quickly after about where specifically my donation was used (West Virginia) was truly profound, like I know I did something that mattered immensely to somebody.

Would you rather attend a yoga class or a Zumba class? Yoga; I used to do it daily and I truly loved it. I got in the best shape of my life with it.

Have you written anything down today? Yeah I keep track of when I have a soda in my calendar/planner with an "x" on the day I have one, and I did today.

Do you own a pair of pink pants? I have a pair of pink with white polka dots pajama pants, but not a kind I'd wear in public.

Do you normally eat healthy? Saying "healthy" feels like a lie, but I definitely don't make a habit of eating very unhealthy either, and I've gotten better with it over time; I'm more conscious of what I'm putting in. I do have bad streaks too though, especially with being an emotional eater dealing with depression and such. My mental health is truly what kills my ability to properly diet, because when I'm sad or dealing with anhedonia, I want to eat something.

What is the best compliment you’ve ever received? It hits me really deep when Girt has told me I make him a better person. I make plenty of mistakes, and sometimes I can't see past them myself, so it means so fucking much to me to hear I even inspire goodness in others.

Do you believe in miracles? No; a "miracle" is just science we don't understand yet. Things don't happen for no reason, that's not how the world works.

What are three ways in which you are not normal? I'm mentally ill, neurodivergent, and uhhh... idk, my weight? It qualifies as obese and that's not the textbook figure of a human, I guess. I feel weird answering with that though because I don't want to make it sound as if being obese makes someone not "normal."

Which genre of music do you listen to the most? I think industrial metal.

Last person you kissed, are they into any type of sports? Which ones? No.

Does your best friend have a job? He does; he's been there like ten years though and he's very done with his current position, so he's anxiously waiting to hear back about a different position in the company. Poor thing's been worrying himself to death about it.

Do you ever visit people at work? Not really; on one occasion Mom and I did bring Girt lunch, and I definitely WANT to keep doing that for pretty much ever, but it's not a regular occurence obviously. Non-employees can't even go in the building, he had to take a looong walk to the parking lot, lol.

When you move out your house (or if you already have moved out) do you plan on still visiting your parents' house? Absolutely. I thoroughly intend to invite my mom over for dinner once a week, but I'd also be totally fine with visiting her for it sometimes, too. It tears my mom the fuck apart how Ashley and Nicole make her feel so uninvolved, unseen, and unloved, and I fucking will not do the same.

Do you usually take home leftovers if you eat out in a restaurant? I generally will if there's a good amount left, otherwise I don't see the point in scraps, really.

Have you ever ghost rode the whip (put your car on auto and dance next to it as it’s moving)? Do you want to? I remember when this first started and I think it's probably the fucking dumbest Internet trend I have EVER seen.

Why did you stop liking the last person you liked? If you're excluding Girt since he's the current person I like, then it's because she was honestly a terrible "friend" to me that made me feel like the biggest annoyance/inconvenience to engage with. Then, y'know, the Nazi thing. Supposedly she left that ideology behind but frankly I don't believe her for half a second, it's not like she hasn't made a long-going habit of lying online.

What do you think of long-term relationships? That's always my goal, getting into a relationship. I don't do flings and stuff like that; if I'm in a relationship with you, you can be confident that I want this with you, if things go right.

Do you have a lot of social media accounts? Do you update them all regularly? I guess I do? It kinda depends on what you classify as truly social media, too. I try to keep things pretty up-to-date.

When you’re in trouble, do your parents ever “middle name” you? lol Mom has.

When was the last time you got a new tattoo or piercing? Do you have any plans to get either in the future? I got my most recent tattoo finished in... May, I think? It's been a very long time since I got a piercing, but I want more of both of those. I think my next tat will be one that covers my "ohana" one on my collarbone; I'm thinking a snake coming from behind my back and over that upper right part of my chest. I'm just so not a person who's meant to have this tattoo; I'll leave anyone behind if they turn to shit, I don't care what we once had, and besides, I got it as a thing with someone I can't stand anymore anyway. Do yourself a favor and NEVER get a tattoo whose worth is tied to another person, I've done a bad job at that.

Are you patriotic at all? Why/why not? No, because the USA is a country that is shit and smells like shit but the shit itself doesn't realize it's shit.

Are you any good at packing a suitcase? NOOOOOO, packing actually REALLY stresses me out because I'm convinced I won't put everything in "right."

Have you ever had a white hot chocolate? What did you think? I never have, no. I don't prefer white chocolate, it's too sweet to me.

Do you ever get eczema? Yeah, on my hands and arms, generally.

Have you ever mowed a lawn? No, this honestly sounds like hell.

Is there anyone you would do literally anything for? No, and I think this is a very unhealthy mentality to have. I wouldn't murder someone just 'cuz my mom asked me to.

Have you ever done a “knock-and-run” prank? I'm guessing you're referencing ding dong ditch, in which case, no. It's stupid.

Have you ever stabbed a friend in the back, intentionally or not? I mean, I guess not keeping an old friend's Nazism a secret when she was very serious about me doing so is technically stabbing her in the back. It's not something I regret doing though, because I don't protect the feelings of Nazis.

What’s the longest you’ve ever slept in one go? I'm not sure. It was either an occasion when I spent the night with Jason but didn't fall asleep until like 6 AM and woke up like 12 hours later (I remember this because I had an extreme panic attack over my daily rhythm being completely thrown off, like I woke up at sunset), or maybe a time when I had my concussion, or maybe a migraine incident. Maybe the time I finally passed out asleep after a three-day manic streak, but I can't quite remember when I intially woke up, around dawn-ish.

Have you ever dated someone with an accent different than yours? No.

Have you ever worked two jobs at once? No, I've never been able to maintain even one job...

Who does most of the housework around your house? My mom, admittedly. I've definitely gotten better about it though as my legs have improved.

Do you enjoy the smell and taste of cinnamon? Absolutely.

[thelostgirl21]

Men are the reason I realized I'd just been raped in the first place.

All my women friends, when I'd described the "bad sexual experience I'd had" were, just like me, attempting to rationalize it.

They were trying to say things like "well, maybe he really likes porn, and thought that's how women genuinely like sex", "he might have believed your tastes were similar", "maybe in his country, women are..."

For context:

Rape trigger warning:

It was a man that I was working with and who had spent 6 months becoming a dear trusted friend and confident of mine, only to suddenly "shift gears" in bed, start becoming really aggressive and demeaning, etc.

And so, I got so utterly confused and paniqued, because each time I told him to slow down, he'd go "Oh! I know how you like it rough!", ignore me, and it just got worse and more painful. Your mind is struggling to understand what's going on, because you do love and trust him, and you did genuinely want to have sex with him before it started.

And suddenly, he becomes a completely different person you don't recognize, which makes him 100% unpredictable.

If you start actually asking him to stop, will he hit you? Kill you?

The survival instincts kick in, and you more or less decide to be as "docile" and "loving" as you possibly can, and to "keep him pleased and satisfied" with you, in the hopes of pacifying him.

I never once said "no", attempted to insist he stopped, or tried pushing him away. The moment I realised I had a complete stranger in bed, I did all I could to avoid setting him off.

End trigger warning.

But my friend - a boy I'd known and been really close to since I was 15 (I was 21 when it happened) - looked me in the eyes and said:

"You were raped. Listen to me very carefully: you were raped. I'm a man, and I can guarantee you that there is no way in Hell that asshole didn't sense or notice your discomfort! The way you are attempting to justify what happened right now is typical rape victim behavior, and there is absolutely zero doubt in my mind that this guy raped you. You are the closest thing I have to a sister, and if he was in front of me right now, I'd fucking kill him! "

I will forever be grateful to him for how immediate and deep his anger over what had happened to me was, how much hatred he had for the other guy, and the profound conviction of his words, because they hit me like a ton of bricks and seemingly gave me no other choice than to believe him!

Thanks to his intervention, I was able to stop feeling responsible for what had happened to me, shift the blame where it truly belonged, allow myself to get angry, and start healing.

As long as women (and non-binary folks) have been so conditioned to believe that we carry the responsibility for the violence that men do to us (i.e. that we are causing it to happen), and struggle with being able to recognize it when it happens, we need men standing firm against it and calling bullshit on members of their own gender attempting to normalize it.

Men are also victims of the patriarchy, some of them are fully aware of it, and many of them are strong, vocal advocates for tearing it all down and letting people be who they are, love who and what they love, etc.

In an ideal world, women and non-binary individuals should be able to talk for themselves, and have men listen and empathize with them when they do.

But the reality is that some men will only listen to other men. So, the more men actively reject patriarchy, embrace feminism, and get loud about its message in male dominated spaces, the more likely we are to change society.

Queer men always 100% belong in LGBTQ+ and queer spaces, it shouldn't even be an issue!

But I'm a panromantic demisexual pansexual genderless woman in a relationship with a cisgender straight guy.

If I go to Pride, or any other global LGBTQ+ gatherings where gay men and lesbian women are allowed to celebrate with their own partners, you better believe that I'm going to be there to celebrate with my own partner as well!

Our relationship is queer! Our love is queer! Just because one of us isn't queer doesn't mean that we aren't a very queer couple celebrating queer love together!

Those men who fiercely love us, respect us, support us, listen to us, witness our struggles, and share their lives with us are being immersed in our queer universe, and have chosen to embrace it alongside us!

Denying their contribution to our lives and our communities, and rejecting their love and support, is not the way for us to grow stronger and stop men violence against members of the LGBTQ+.

Monosexuals actively seeking to penalize bisexuals, pansexuals, omnisexuals, and polysexuals, because they fell in love with someone of a different gender than themselves, can suck and choke on it!

And if you go "it's fine if they are both bisexual, but a pansexual with a cisgender straight guy should leave the cis straight dude at home", screw you!

I shouldn't be punished and stripped of the right to celebrate love with the one I love because of "how queer or not" my partner is!

And if patriarchy is the only home some men have ever had and known, and we tell them "feminism doesn't want you! Stay away from us!", the only thing left for them to do is to cling to patriarchy with all their might to fucking survive, because it's the only space that remotely pretends to care about them!

We are keeping them trapped into a violent, toxic global "family system" that brainwashes them, and teaches them that everything outside of that family is a threat!

Then we go "You are inherently bad based on your gender alone, and no one loves nor wants you!", confirming that patriarchy is 100% right! It's the only system that will ever give them a right to exist and feel safe!

You are actively reinforcing and strengthening patriarchy by giving it the single most powerful tool it needs to keep growing and thriving: pushing men into a corner by yelling at them that they have no other options.

My queers, we really need to put the "no men" thing away. Men are not inherently bad. There are queer men. There are questioning men. There's men that are just plain cool. Denying these men a space at our table is not helping - except the TERFs. I just came off the back of reading a transphobe gleeful rant about the need to have pride without men - They of course mean me. This kind of stuff is damaging to me and I really need us all to take a step back and maybe kill this "men dni, men not allowed" stuff. What you mean is "no men who are going to do mean stuff to me." And frankly those men won't give a shit about that kind of boundary.

But I promise you there's a fleet of good honest men who will see that and be sad they're not allowed in your version of queer spaces.

PATRIARCHY is what you hate. Dni Patriarchs.

[quietwingsinthesky]

hi will!!!! can I get uh. ruby & my main man bones mccoy for the character thingy???

absolutely absolutely and you know let's just. pretend i answered this in a timely manner. definitely.

i do think that for the wait you've earned both! (and i want to talk about both so :3)

Ruby

Sexuality Headcanon: It's funny, I don't usually have a set sexuality for any character right up until the moment I'm asked, at which point I receive visions from beyond my understanding that inform me of the truth. and the visions said she's a bisexual lesbian.

OTP: local idiot forced to choose between samruby and annaruby, 69 injured, 420 dead

BroTP: I actually love dean & ruby's weird combative vibes. i love when she saves his life in Malleus Maleficarum, and he immediately gets all huffy about it ("It's called witchcraft, short bus." "You're the short bus … short bus." AFTER SHE'S ALREADY LEFT SKLAJSLDKJALSD) i love the few moments we get where they aren't at each other's throats, but also i do love when they're both so unnecessarily mean to each other like girls. girls, you're on the same side. it's so funny. and the fact that they have the same speech patterns. if you locked them in a room together for a week and they didn't kill each other, they'd come out speaking a pop culture language they invented together that no one but them and sam can understand.

NoTP: i don't think i have one for her? uh. bobby/ruby. sure.

First headcanon that pops into my head: from what i remember, what we know about Ruby is a) she was human once, b) during that time, she was a witch, and c) this was probably a pretty long time ago? let's say it was a long time ago for my purposes. anyway. salem witch trials ruby real. (also, additionally, ruby loved sam. she did. she really did. this was just Not A Good Thing.)

Favorite line from this character: yes yes she is the best of those sons of bitches but that entire speech is bitching. "You didn't need the feather to fly, you had it in you the whole time, Dumbo!" and obviously the lucifer parallel lines that drive me insane, "Because it had to be you, Sammy. It always had to be you. You saved us. You set him free. And he's gonna be grateful. He's gonna repay you in ways that you can't even imagine." LIKE. OKAY. YEAH. SURE. IM FINE AND NORMAL ABOUT THIS.

One way in which I relate to this character: she is sooo. god i don't know the word for it, somewhere between determination and loyalty, and i don't know so much about 'relates to this' as i want to have some of that. yes, okay, the thing she was determined to do was start the apocalypse but. but. she did it, didn't she? and that's damn impressive. and i just need some of that energy to finish my chemistry homework.

Thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character: SamRuby sex scenes, but idk if that's so much second-hand embarassment as it is me averting my eyes like a scandalized victorian gentleman going 'oh dear lord, this is none of my business, i should not spy on them.' It's just. O-O they really went all in for those scenes huh. huh.

Cinnamon Roll or Problematic Fave: Problematic Fave and i love her for it.

McCoy:

Sexuality Headcanon: gay gay homosexual gay

OTP: Bones/a vacation (but if pushed, i will admit to being a pretty big fan of McSpirk. OT3s my beloved.)

BroTP: okay okay hear me out: bones and uhura. she's the language lady, and he's the guy who has about 700 different sayings all tucked away inside his head, and no way do they not get drunk together. asdfhgjljk her teaching him vulcan sayings that are almost equivalent to something he could come up with, just so that they can both see spock's muted confusion (which is practically him shouting "bones what the fuck are you saying to me.") and oh obviously they are the people closest to the eternal disaster that is the kirk & spock dynamic (romantic or otherwise) and if they don't bitch to each other about those idiots, they might explode.

NoTP: Bones/that salt monster from The Man Trap. but in all seriousness, I don't think I have one.

First headcanon that pops into my head: Spending a few years in space means that whenever they get their feet on solid land, he's happy for transport that's less likely to send them into the freezing void if handled wrong. He's happy about this, for all of the ten seconds he's fool enough to let Kirk drive. He is never getting in a car with that man again.

Favorite line from this character: Oh, the first one I can think of is from the hand-off from TOS to TNG (the thing they do every time a new show starts where a character from the last one makes an appearance, however small, to sort of... I don't know. Wish them luck.) Anyway, in Encounter at Farpoint, when he's talking to Data, he ends the scene by saying about the Enterprise-D, "This is a new ship, but she's got the right name. Now you remember that, you hear. You treat her like a lady, and she'll always bring you home." which. feelings. T-T

One way in which I related to this character: we are both southern and grumpy lmao

Thing that gives me second-hand embarrassment about this character: I honestly can't think of any? I think his general 'I do not give a fuck, this is my medbay and you're all going to do what I say' negates my ability to feel second-hand embarrassment from him.

Cinnamon Roll or Problematic Fave: Hm. I'm giving him cinnamon roll status, but he would Not like it.

[winxwannabe]

why do you hate the netflix show? i'm genuinely curious, as my wife adores it and was also a huge fan of the animated series growing up.

I mean the TL:DR of it is I just think it's a bad show. I found the pacing strange, I didn't like half the characters so it was hard to root for them, Season 1's plot was so awkwardly paced it was boring, but in Season 2 there were like 3 different plot points per episode and I found them hard to get invested in. The LONG answer: my 3 biggest problems with the show were (!):

The blatant racism/whitewashing

This is pretty self-explanatory and I've gone over it before , so I'll keep it brief; the show's whitewashing was the biggest turnoff for me. Musa and the fake out Flora (because Eliot Sal WAS originally Flora, hope whoever made that change got a bonus) were awful, and then the treatment of Dane and Aisha's characters sucked (being taken advantage of by Riven and turning into a huge asshole, and Aisha being turned into Bloom's life coach). We got a little more diversity in Season 2, but by then it read more as a response to backlash than anything else. Same with Dane and Aisha; Aisha gives a little speech in Season 2's first episode where she says she's done being Bloom's life coach, and then proceeds to get a boyfriend who's secretly evil and lies to her all season. And Dane acts like an asshole for 2 scenes before he's shoved to the side as a supporting character.

2. Homophobia

Again, recap from my last rant; Season 1 was very straight. The Bloom/Sky/Stella love triangle took center stage, the only non-straight character was Dane, who I'm 90% sure was bisexual but we'll never know because not once in Fate: The Winx Saga does anyone say the word 'bisexual.' The closest we get is Dane saying he finds both Riven and Stormy Beatrix hot. But Dane, Riven, and Beatrix turn into this awful polyamory thing that goes on for like an episode and a half before it breaks up, and it's never spoken of again. Season 2 gives up an openly lesbian character, Terra, but her love interest (a female specialist whose name I don't remember) is in her own on-again-off-again relationship. Terra and the girl do get together, but last the audience knew the relationship was on! So Terra gets a girlfriend, but said girlfriend is a cheater. Gay rights? oh, and #JusticeforFrancesa

Those are the serious reasons, and with those out of the way I would argue the other really big reason I didn't like Fate was

3. THERE IS NO FRIENDSHIP

At the end of the day you can take away magic, the Specialists, and a lot of supporting characters from the show because the core of it - the reason Winx Club works so well - is because these six girls are best friends. The show is about them going through school and breakups and universe-saving together, and kicking ass at it because they have each others back. It is the show's central theme, it's where the best writing is, and where some of its best moments come from (for me at least).

Fate...does not do that. They started the series out making Sky the one to show Bloom around Alfea and introduce her to things instead of Stella, sidelining one of the strongest friendships in the series for the sake of a love triangle. And it only goes downhill from there! I get the whole 'take an episode or two to figure out where we stand as friends' but by the end of the 1st season these bitches are still fighting over the dumbest shit! We start out Season 2 with Stella using invisibility spells again so she's not seen with the other girls - I don't even think Stella likes any of them by the end of the series! Sure everyone goes to classes and plans dangerous missions to save the world together, but outside of that it doesn't seem like they even like each other. There are moments sprinkled throughout where they're supposed to be genuine friends, and they're easily some of fate's best stuff (the car scene in 2x01 is an example). But they're also awkward, because 20 minutes ago they were sulking in their rooms and yelling at each other about their lack of communication. They aren't deserved is the point I'm trying to get at here, and the only way they do feel deserved is if you a) already know their friendship dynamic because you watched the animated series, or b) you follow the actors on social media, where they actually talk and hang out like best friends.

The strongest friendship in this entire series isn't any of the girls - it's fucking Sky and Riven. Because they were pre-established best friends, had arguments throughout season 1, but by the end of season 2 had come back together because the world was in danger, and they both knew despite everything, that they would have each other's backs. Do you know how badly you have to fuck up, where one half of your best friendship is the queerphobic, predatory asshole character, and the other half is a slice of untoasted Wonder Bread?

Do you know how mad Riven would have been if Sky went to not-Omega with Bloom in the season 2 finale? He would have been fucking pissed and ordering everyone to a classroom to give his 30-slide power point on how to get them back within 3 days. Meanwhile Bloom doesn't actually say goodbye to the Winx girls, she just writes them letters and says goodbye to Sky in person (because it is well established that Bloom and Sky's romance is more important than the girl's friendship, let's be honest). And then girls are all hugging and Stella's crying that Bloom's gone and I just thought 'you spent more time with Beatrix than Bloom this season Stella, why the fuck are you sad.'

This is all a longwinded way to say the central theme of friendship was pushed aside for CW-style romance, which made the core cast of girls unable to connect, which made the show bad.

Fate had the same overall runtime as a single season of Winx Club. Later seasons are bad, don't get me wrong, but those original 2004-2007 seasons had twice the character moments, more concise plots, and felt way more fun than anything I saw Brian Young put out these last few years. I would watch an original season (and even season 4! sue me!) any day over Fate the W inx Saga.

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk, and probably don't show your wife this.

[vivildicno]

i'm bored so imma give my opinion on as many eah ships as i can

disclaimers: you are free to disagree

i will only do monogamous ships bc i would never finish otherwise

i tend to ship 1 character just with one other, so yeah.

Raven x Apple like the idea of apple having a crush on raven but the damage she caused to raven trying to get her to sign would make it impossible for it to be reciprocated. the angst.

Raven x Dexter love it. love that dex had a crush on her for a long time, and love her being able to see him behind the expectations of him. otp

Raven x Maddie platonic. i adore their friendship and i see them being the closest to each other, but not any other way

Raven x Darling would be fun that the villian and the hero get together at the end, and they care about each other, but there is not that kind of chemestry.

Raven x Cerise love cerise being able to trust raven so much as far of telling her her secret, but i don't think they would work out on a romantic way

Apple x Darling lovelovelove it, it is adorable and even though it would take some time for apple to accept it i think they would be very happy

Apple x Daring no. i see them trusting each other a lot but they didn't even want to imagine what would happen if they ended up together, it would be very awkward

Apple x Briar just.. weird, both lesbians but apple does not understand really what briar feels, so i feel like they friendship was always very superficial, even if they called each other besties

Apple x Rosabella LISTEn just a thought, bc it could be funny that both of the posible destiny partners of daring ended up together, but i don't really ship it yk?

Apple x Sparrow her finding him annoying but never saying anythong mean so he develops a crush on her and a weird tension builds up bc also apple finds him oddly handsome until they made up on a random classroom??? fun.

Daring x Lizzie adore it. so cute. himbo x mean girl. but i don't see it lasting forever yk?? a cute highschool relationship

Daring x Rosabella cute. love how she helps him change, but it is kinda boring.

Daring x Cerise my fav daring ship (i think, as i said on other post he is difficult for me to not multi ship) love a non damisel on distress teaching him fun things out of the royal life he has always lived, and giving him space to rebel

Daring x Sparrow daring hetting wilder with sparrow and learning to not fit in everyones expectatives????? cute

Daring x Hopper so hear me out... the angst about hopper having a crush on daring an always hearing about his romantic adventures and getting all sad until daring notices he gets weird when on those situations???? and then one day he asks him about it and hopper gets nervous and transforms??? so daring kisses him and he transforms back???????? LOVELY

Daring x Duchess one sided, duchess dreams of himloving her and running away together but would never admit it

Ashlynn x Hunter MY OTP, i adore them, their dinamic is cute and i love their backstory PLEASE READ THE BOOKS

Ashlynn x Briar platonic, love that they are their actual best friends and really understand their problems and trust each other as much as discussing not signing the book

Ashlynn x Cerise HEAR ME OUT platonic, but ash and hunter finding out red and badwolf are together (before True hearts day), and ash going to cerise and telling her that she knows about her heritage, and confessing about her romance with hunter, and after that the both of them going to forest walks where they can talk about all the pressure of hiding a secret

Cedar x Cerise cuute, both of them going to the forest to search for materials for Cedars art and them building something something very cute until one day Cedar blups out she likes cerise and they date and they are happy :D

Cedar x Maddie idk BUT Maddie never judging Cedar for what she says is just such a heartwarming concept

Cedar x Sparrow ik, weird, but imagine sparrow always making coments about cedar not being human that really upset and he does not realize, until one day she cries, and he feels actually bad and starts doing things for her, and helping her out a lot, and then falls for her. maybe its my messed bullied kid trauma but hey, it do be cute

Sparrow x Duchess one sided. duchess likes him and doesn't know how to express it so she is mean and bossy, making him pull apart from her. angsty

Sparrow x Hopper sparrow showing hopper a soft side of him that no one else knows would be adorable, but it doesn't make my imagination fly really

Briar x Faybelle adore them so much. i feel like briar accepted it a long time ago, with her whole rebeling side, but it would be so hard for fay to do so, but eventually she wouldn't be able to contain herself and god i love it

Cupid x Dexter no. just friends. and i generally dislike how they showed cupid about dex, like she was so calm and controlled in mh, so why make her desperate in eah idk

Cupid x Blondie cute but i don't really have hc for them so im not so drawn into it

Cupid x Ashlynn sorry cupid, but one sided and angsty, bc cupid developing a crush on ash while she helps her to get over her crush on dex would be cute, but ash and hunter are my babies so no.

Alistair x Bunny cute but just get together alredy it gets boring

Lizzie x Kitty adorable, they are forced to spend the summer together and Lizzie catching feelings first wold be so cute

Lizzie x Maddie i feel like Lizzie would lean a lot into Maddie but idk if anything could happen

Lizzie x Alistair ok listen i don't vibe with it, but i have always loved the idea that the villian and the hero should get together

Duchess x Poppy idk kinda weird, i'd need more material than that one episode to decide

Ramona x Justine SO SWEET adore them, love their contrast, really wish we had more material of them but they just do it for me ok???

Ramona x Rosabella i saw someone syaing this and i kind of get it, but for me it's just a less radical form of ramona x justine

Hopper x Briar thats just a big no for me, nothing else to say, no chemestry as anything but friends

Hopper x Faybelle mean girl x sweet boy? yes. but not main ship in any kind of way

Holly x anyone i don't really ship anyone with holly?? idk i just do not vibe with her, not that i dislike her but i don't get her so i can't ship her with anyone

Ginger x Raven feared villians together?? cute, but i don't see it going out of the platonic realm

Hopper x Ginger pair of softies, but i really don't think ginger likes men. at all

Crystal x Farrah crystal is annoying and farrah is the sweetest, so she deserves better to me

Lizzie x Duchess i feel like they would aggresively make out bc Lizzie thinks duchess is cute but cannot stand how much she talks, so she would do it to shut her up

Briar x Cupid sorry cupid again BUT IT WOULD BE ANGSTY AND ONE SIDED cupid has a crush on briar and doesn't want her to go to sleep, but since she's not really part of a certain story she cannot do much, so she would be happy when she gets with fay and so refuses to her destiny

Sparrow x Hunter a mess. would not want to be around them but they would have fun ig

Ashlynn x Cedar i see ash always being nice and comprehensive with cedar so she would develop a crush but idk

Brooke x Maddie i always imagined Brooke to be younger than the rest so idk would be weird to even think about it

Cupid x Raven weird idk i don't like it

Darling x Chase darling is too much of a lesbian for this, but i see chase getting a crush

Tiny x Jillian YES again, i love that meant to be enemies end up together

Hunter x Hopper I see it working kinda like ash x hunter, he becomes a softie only for his so, but it just doesn't click for me yk?

Kitty x Dexter idk i saw someone saying it and honestly i feel like dex would spend most of the time stressed or crying

Poppy x Sparrow he is a mess and she kinda is too but in a different way so it would be a fun combination, plus she would tell him to get rid of that stupid goat beard, but i don't ship them really

Darling x Cerise just cause someone mentioned they were paired a lot during DG and i get it, and would live for that frindship like they both share a secret and having a more active jocky side, and also i would be funny for Darling to rob another romantic interest from Daring, but i don't see it actually happening for me.

Darling x Rosabella darling getting all the ladies hm, anyways, it would be cute but it's kinda bland

ok i'm getting crazy for this so yeah i'll finish it here for now, if i missed any of your faves sorry leave a comment or reblog or something and i may do a part 2 with more lol