#this is said with LOVE to closested lesbians ! I didn't know for so long!

[kerryweaverlesbian]

Mary and Jo (closeted lesbians to even themselves) freshly resurrected hanging out with Charlie for a hunt and Mary asks "so how did you know you were a lesbian?" and Charlie's like "Uh. I guess it was that I kept getting into these really intense female 'friendships' where I wanted them around all the time and I'd get distracted thinking about them kissing me. I don't know, I kind of always knew."

And Mary and Jo nod along like that makes sense to them but as soon as Charlie leaves for a moment to flirt with someone cute across the bar, Mary whispers to Jo "isn't that how everyone feels about women?" and Jo is like "yeah that's definitely how I feel about women. And I'm straight. She must not know. Should we tell her?"

"No, maybe she was just embarrassed about the real reason and made up a different one. Lesbians can make friends like straight women too."

"Yeah, ha, because if feeling that way makes you a lesbian-"

"-yeah! That would've made what me and Ada had a romantic thing. Which it obviously wasn't-"

"Right, and who hasn't gotten distracted thinking about kissing women, it's just obvious that we'd be better at it than men."

"-Or me and Lata-"

"It doesn't mean anything."

"...or me and Anna now that I think about it..."

"Two sets of boobs squishing together, who wouldn't be into it."

They both look up when Charlie laughs loudly from across the bar, then both watch her make out with the woman she's been flirting with for longer than politeness allows. Charlie looks like a good kisser.

Jo says, shifting a little on her barstool, "Well. at least we know she is into women."

"Yeah," Mary feels strangely tingly, and takes a sip of whiskey so she can retroactively blame it on that, "Glad she knows who she is."

[ange1977]

More Haikyu headcanons, but this time because I can't sleep. (Also, because I think the one beer I had like an hour ago is still making me dizzy. Sucks being lightweight, btw)

The first time Tobio heard Shoyo speak Portuguese was when they were having a stupid banter (as usual) and Shoyo let out a “ah vai tomar no cú também!” ("go fuck yourself then!") and Tobio just stopped working. For like a full minute where Shoyo was worried that all of his boyfriend's brain cells had finally gave out. Then Tobio recovered and they went back to arguing, but this time because Tobio looked redder than a tomato and Shoyo wouldn't stop teasing him and asking why he looked like that.

Shoyo applied for a citizenship when he went back to Brasil to play for the Asas São Paulo, by the time he and Tobio got married he had long been recognized as a Brazilian citizen, so by law Tobio was recognized as one as well. (Can you tell I love Brasil! Shoyo?)

Miwa and Tobio never came out to their parents. They both just used the same strategy of “showing up on during a holiday for family dinner and introducing their same sex partners without prior warning”. Dinner was awkward at best on both cases.

Also, Lesbian Miwa for the win! I forgot to establish that...

Miwa moved away as soon as she graduated and Tobio focused on his newly pro career so he left right away too. Neither of them are the closest with their parents so it wasn't that difficult for them.

The Miya twins were raised by a single mother. (I believe this with all my soul🙏)

Kuroo called Kenma “Kitten” once as a joke when they started dating. One threat to break up said with the most disgusted face Kuroo has ever seen on his boyfriend in the over a decade that they know each other later, Kuroo found himself sleeping on the couch alone that night, not even the cats keeping him company (they prefer to sleep on the bed, thank you very much)

Not many people know this, but one of Kageyama Tobio's biggest weaknesses is Hinata Shoyo still tanned from his time in Brasil, light freckles across the skin showing where his skin is not covered by uniform, wearing compression sleeves that somehow make his biceps stand out even more, and a special fire in his eyes during a especially exiting game.

(A.K.A: Shoyo’s hot, Tobio is weak and has EYES)

Miwa has a little vision board on some part of her room to help her find inspiration for new hairstyles and techniques. Most of the reference pictures she has in it are Alisa's photos. (Let's go lesbians!)

Lev didn't know more than a handful of words in Russian before going there as an adult.

Alisa is a fast learner, and whenever she travels because of work, it doesn't take her very long to pick up on a little more than the basics of the language of whatever country she's in.

Oikawa stays to live in Argentina even after he retires. (Yes, of course Hajime joins him)

I don't know why but I can see Shoyo, Akane, Bokuto and Ryu becoming coaches. (I also think Kenma could be pretty good if he wanted to, but I don't really see him wanting to become a coach.)

The Miya twins can literally not stfu about Aran and Kita. Not even in a romantic/sexual way, it's just that they have this need of bringing either of them up in any conversation if the opportunity is given. (Sunarin too btw.)

Like, you're trying to have a normal conversation and then “Oh Kita-san once said something similar once!” and then two hours later everyone just forgot what the main topic was.

“Oh! That reminds me of a time where Aran…” and by the end of it you learn so much about a guy you've never met, you just don't know what to do with all of that information. Just know that by the end of it doesn't matter who brings us who, you will know Aran's favorite color, Kita's favorite food, about the scar Aran has on his left leg from the time he fell off a bike as a kid, about Kita's morning routine in high-school, and so on and on and on…

Atsumu, after too many glasses of champagne, while giving his speech at Aran and Kita's wedding, offered to be their third if they ever wanted to. Osamu immediately took the microphone away from his twin, apologized deeply to everyone, especially to the grooms, for what his stupidly drunk brother said and for being related to Atsumu. Suna recorded it all, because unlike Inarizaki's team motto, he does need memories, especially the ones where Atsumu does dumb shit.

After retiring from volleyball Atsumu moved back to Hyogo to be closer to his family. Of course, he dragged his husband, dear Omi-Omi, with him, and to said husband's dismay he ended up talking with a Kansai dialect after three fucking months of living there. Motoya made so much fun of him the first time he heard it Kiyoomi refused to talk to him after that other than by messages for like a month.

Later on Dear Motoya is also living there with his husbands, Osamu and Rintaro, and he ends up picking on the Kansai earlier than Kiyoomi did. And you best believe Omi is NOT letting Toya live that one down anytime soon.

(Osasunakomo has me on a chokehold, sorry not sorry🤷‍♀️)

Edit: Okay, so I'm re-reading the manga, and I'm at the part where they introduce Lev, and it is stated that he doesn't speak Russian and I just didn't remember, so basically my hc doesn't really count as one🤦‍♀️

[melswifeasf]

Was it ever real?

part two

Fandom: Yellowjackets

Pairing: Shauna Shipman x fem!reader

Genre: a little angst; fluff.

Words: 7.4k+

Summary: based on this request. you have a huge crush on Shauna and she accidentally hears you in the locker room.

Notes: i definitely got carried away with this one lmao. both parts are pretty long, if you guys prefer shorter imagines don’t be afraid to let me know!

not spell checked!

Taissa elbowed your side making you flinch. she smirked at you and kicked the ball that was under your feet before kicking it over to Van who stopped it and kicked it toward Lottie next. you rolled your eyes at her, a bit embarrassed that she had caught you in the act. you cleared your throat and motioned for Lottie to pass it to you next which she did with ease. Taissa chuckled at your attempt of distracting her from the situation but she planned on teasing you later on once you were in the locker room.

just a couple feet away was the source of your distraction, the brown eyed girl who you had been staring at since the beginning of practice. her hair was pulled back into a pony tail with just a couple strands framing her face. she was passing the ball to Jackie with a smile on her lips as she laughed about something she had said. you'd do anything to be the source of that smile. you were casual friends, just as you were with the rest of the girls on the team. Tai, Van and Lottie were the only three you were closest to. Lottie had been your best friend since you were kids and the couple were just better company than the rest. Jackie brought in a lot of drama that you weren't particularly interested in having to deal with and Shauna was only close to those who Jackie approved of. you didn't think you were one of those people.

"you should tell her" Taissa said, too impatient to wait until the locker to talk about it. you let out a sarcastic chuckle at the thought. telling Shauna was the last thing on your mind. she was straight and in the slim slim chance that she wasn't, she would probably be in love with Jackie. they were inseparable and you'd never seen her look at anyone in a way to indicate that she was interested in them.

"yeah right. she's straight or in love with Jackie. besides, she barely acknowledges my existence" you responded looking at the curly haired brunette. Lottie and Van took a couple of steps closer so that they could be in the conversation without Shauna hearing.

"i don't think she's straight" said Van with an amused chuckle. you looked at her with a deadpan expression, not at all buying her words or even that she believed them.

Lottie smiled as she glanced between you and Van, "there's only one way to find out" she shrugged optimistically. you rolled your eyes at all of them. this had been a regular conversation and it always ended the same. you weren't going to tell her. the rejection would break your heart and it would just fuck up the group dynamic.

"im not telling her. end of story" you said and like a miracle, seconds afterwards the whistle blew signaling that practice was over. the three teens laughed in amusement but followed quickly behind you as they changed the conversation to the halloween party that Jeff was throwing at his house.

with hope that the conversation wouldn't shift back to a certain dough eyed brunette, you zipped and button your jeans before reaching for your blue hoodie. much like you had expected the conversation did in fact not end where you left it on the field.

"look, if you tell her and she says no then whatever, at least you can move on" Taissa said from beside you. she was on the bench tying her shoes and Van was leaning against the lockers with her hand gripping one shoulder strap. you groaned in annoyance and threw your head back to really show just how over it you were.

"if i tell and she says no then i have to live with being the sad lesbian who fell for the straight girl" was your quick response. Taissa and Van glanced at each other, not all that sure what to say that could contradict that statement. truthfully you probably would end up being the hopeless girl in love with a straight girl and there was a high chance that it could get around the school. you had come out as bisexual during your freshman year but that was just to make things easier and before you had realized you only liked girls. it made things easier, the boys still thought they had a chance so they treated you like any other girl but being rejected by a straight girl? now that you wouldn't survive.

a sudden voice behind you spoke. "or she's just not straight" said Lottie making you flinch and your chest tighten. you closed your eyes as you held your hand against your chest where you could clearly feel your heart beating against it.

"fuck Lottie!" you exclaimed, "you scared the shit out of me!" that seemed to have been the most amusing thing ever as the three teens bursted out laughing at your reaction.

"i was behind you the whole time. you need to start paying attention to your surroundings" muttered the tall girl as she walked past you and sat beside Tai. great. now it was three against you. again.

a groan erupted from your throat, "all of you are so fucking annoying. seriously. Shauna doesn't like girls and she doesn't like me so can we please just drop this?" you said and closed your locked a lot harsher than you intended causing it to make a loud noise and the other three girls flinched lightly at the suddenness of it. you grabbed your backpack and threw it onto one shoulder before walking toward the exit in a hurry. not quick enough though, Tai, Van and Lottie were on your heel with fast steps. figures.

the door opened in front of you and you stepped out of the locker room completely. met with an empty gymnasium you continued to walk until Lotties voice stopped you. "okay okay," she said quickly and grabbed your arm so you would stop walking. you came to a halt and finally turned back around so you were met with the three girls once more. "we won't say anything anymore. we just don't want you to keep pining over her" she shrugged which earned nods from the other two.

"plus you guys would look good together" added Van, in hopes that you wouldn't stay too mad at them for meddling so much. with a small smile you rolled your eyes at her words. a small blush spread across your face and you were sure if they didn't feel so apologetic for being nosy they probably would've teased you about it by then.

your mouth opened in an attempt to assure them it wasn't a big deal but your words died in your throat as your eyes shifted behind them. the locker room door opened to reveal a pair of best friends. it seemed as if the oxygen had been knocked out of your throat as you let out a little gasp at the sight. the three girls looked at you confused before they followed your eyes sight which elicited a similar reaction. their eyes widened in shock.

the only thing you could do in that moment was to hope they hadn't heard anything. hoped that in some magical way they weren't paying attention to your loud voice when you admitted to having a crush on her. oh fuck. her not hearing was impossible, it was like someone held a microphone up to your lips for fucks sake. Jackie glanced at you with a look you couldn't quite read but that wasn't your answer, it was the fact that Shaunas eyes were actively avoiding you as she grabbed Jackie's wrist and practically ran out of the gymnasium.

you were so fucking fucked.

the house phone was held up to your ear as you were in your room with your legs propped on your headboard and your eyes were trained on the ceiling. "she heard." were the words that left your mouth for the fifth time during the phone call. a loud groan reached your ear from the other line.

"no she didn't." Taissa said again. after having seen Shauna you ended up freaking out the whole car ride home. Lottie was always the one to give you ride to and from school which meant she had to be the one to hear you go on and on about the fact that Shauna and Jackie would probably tell the whole school. or Jackie would tell Jeff and he would or Shauna would tell someone and they would and so on. words were spilling from your lips faster than you or Lottie could process but she still tried her best to listen and reassure you that it would all be okay. yeah right. like you were going to believe that it would all be okay.

you rolled your eyes at Taissas effort to console you. "of course she did. she could barely look at me! i can't do this. i'm skipping school tomorrow." you shook your head.

"no you aren't. your parents would kill you." she responded which was true. but you figured being grounded was better than having to face Shauna. at least then you'd have an excuse to not go to Jeff's party which she would most definitely be attending.

"i can live with that." you nodded even though she couldn't see. you could practically feel her roll her eyes through the line.

Taissa huffed, "seriously y/n. it's not a big deal. people have crushes all the time, it's not the end of the world"

"it is when you're a lesbian and you know that" you responded with a slight drop in your voice, almost as if someone else could hear.

the line was silent for a couple of seconds which you knew meant that what you had said was right and she had no way of arguing with you. "maybe," she agreed. "but it'll go away in a couple of days. something will probably happen at Jeff's party and that'll be the new gossip. just come to school tomorrow. Van, Lot and i will be there with you" she said a lot more thoughtfully this time.

you contemplated her words. you didn't doubt that they'd try their best to distract you from the whole ordeal but at the same time you weren't sure if you could deal with Shauna avoiding you. it's not like you were close anyway, she only talked to you if it was about soccer or once in a blue moon when you went to parties but it never got further than that. maybe it wouldn't be that different. maybe she'd make things normal for the sake of the team. god you hoped so.

like promised Taissa, Van and Lottie were with you during the whole practice. it was just a scrimmage so you didn't have to interact with Shauna much but during the small amount of times that you did she would try her best to look anywhere else but at you. every time it happened you couldn't help but feel a tightening sensation in your chest and a wave of embarrassment to wash over you.

the actual school part was fine, it seemed as if you were wrong about everyone finding out because it was just like any normal day. it had been another junior that got everyone's attention, not you. that was a relief.

once the whistle blew which indicated that practice was over you ran into the locker room to wash off as quickly as possible so you could go home. just five minutes later you were dressed in your light jeans and white hoodie. your three friends were standing near you talking amongst themselves while they were still getting dressed, not exactly in a rush like you were. you were on the bench tying your shoes as quickly as you possibly could, too distracted to notice anyone around you. if you had maybe you would've seen Jackie and Shauna whispering hastily but a couple inches away. the ones who did notice were the three musketeers that had been teasing you about her since you confessed to them.

the three of them glance at each other confused by what was going on. they wouldn't have cared if Jackie wasn't motioning in your direction with her head. it didn't click until they saw Shauna take a breath and begin to approach you with nervously. it was obvious by her posture her and the way she kept glancing at her fiddling hands before looking up at you, who was still getting your last shoe tied.

"y/n," Taissa said softly hitting your arm with the back of her hand. the action made you roll your eyes. you quickly finished tying before looking at her.

"what?" you asked annoyed. she looked at your with pursed lips as she motioned to the brunette with her head as slyly as possible. your eyebrows furrowed in confusion. Lottie and Van turned their body and began to take a couple steps toward the door so they could give you privacy. Taissa didn't seem to have gotten the hint causing her girlfriend to whisper her name twice before she finally went with them.

by then you had already met Shaunas nervous gaze. at first you thought she was going to confront you about what she had heard and maybe tell you that it wasn't going to happen and you needed to get over her but that thought quickly vanished once you saw Jackie smiling at the both of you on the other side of the locker room. your brows shot up as you realized what was happening, your nerves began to sky rocket and you could swear you felt your heart skip a beat.

the brunette stood directly in front of you, both of her arms at her side by you could see her hands gripping at the end of her flannel which she seemed to do a lot when she's nervous. you blinked, once, twice before you finally stood up from the bench and shot her a shy smile. "hi" you breathed out. if Shauna didn't look like she was struggling internally you would've been afraid that she had seen how nervous you looked.

"hey," Shauna responded and finally looked directly at you. when her brown eyes met yours, a dozen butterflies began to swarm in your stomach which made you feel queasy. "i . ." she trailed off, almost looking behind her but she stopped herself before she could. "yesterday i kind of overheard you talking." she said. the butterflies soon turned into dread at the thought of how wrong you were about how this conversation could've gone.

fuck, fuck. you wished you had one of your friends to hold onto but you didn't. you were standing on your own with the girl you were madly in love with in front of you. "im sorry about that" you rushed out, hoping with every fiber of your being that she wouldn't humiliate you. "i didn't mean to make you uncomfortable and i promise i'll back off if you want-"

Shaunas voice cut you off before you could continue to spurt out apologies. "no," she said quickly making you shut up instantly. no? what does that mean? she sighed which made her shoulders visibly relax, "i like you too." she confessed lowly.

she.. what..? at first you weren't sure if you had heard her correctly or if it was just your mind playing tricks on you but by the hopeful smile plastered on the brunettes lips you were positive it hadn't all been a dream. holy shit.

"you-you do?" you asked nervously.

Shauna smiled and nodded, "yeah." she confirmed a lot less timid than she had been before. nothing was said on your end, the only reaction that came from you was the sight of your eyes widening and your jaw dropping slightly. Shauna almost thought you were adorable. it didn't click that you weren't going to say anything until Jackie cleared her throat behind the brunette, snapping her out of it. "i was wondering if you wanted to go out sometime?" she finally asked.

she expected you to have a delayed reaction like you had been having since the conversation started but you didn't. instead your lips quirked into a smile and you nodded, "yeah. id love that" you confirmed.

that seemed to be enough to make her smile widen. "cool. i'll pick you up tonight?"

all you could do was nod. the brunette shot you one last smile before turning around and walking up to Jackie. the two of them left the bathroom quickly after leaving you standing there with your jaw slacked, completely frozen in place. the three girls still in the room ran toward you and began to squeal in delight knocking some sense into you.

"i told you she liked you back!" Lottie exclaimed happily but all you could do was smile.

the date was amazing. she had taken you to a small italian place. the lights were dim and they had the typical checkered table clothe along with a single candle in the middle of the table. it was a bit awkward at first, neither of you knew what to talk about so it of course resulted in soccer. after that the conversation seemed to have flown freely, it shifted to personal things and so on. you had almost lost hope that the date would so be so awkward that you'd have to just stay friends but that thought left your mind quickly after. the longer the date lasted the more you felt a fluttery feeling form in your stomach.

an hour and a half later the two of your had left the restaurant and Shauna began to drive you home. it was pretty silent compared to the restaurant. Shauna had put on music which was sounding softly in the background whilst you looked out the window. truthfully, you were itching to do something, hold her hand or maybe even kiss her but you were too scared to. you didn't want to mess things up. Shauna continued to drive in the direction of your home silently until you saw an ice cream shop and offered to buy some since she had been the one that paid for dinner. the brunette didn't seem opposed to the idea and so she pulled into the parking lot that was relatively empty because it was so late.

a scoop of strawberry was on your cone and chocolate was on hers as you both leaned against the hood of her car. it wasn't awkward, it was actually nice. you'd never really thought you could feel so comfortable not having to fill the silence on a first date but Shaunas whole demeanor was just so calm. you weren't sure why she was so different compared to anyone else or if it was all in your head and she was the one feeling awkward. regardless, you turned to face her direction as you began to talk.

"you know . . this is the first date i've ever be on" you confessed a bit shyly. your eyes were trained on your strawberry ice cream and you tucked a strand of hair behind your ear. if that didn't make it obvious, the light pink hue on your cheeks surely did. Shauna looked up from her ice cream with her eyebrows raised in surprise. she was sure she had seen you hanging out with guys before. maybe they had just been friends but it didn't seem that way. not to mention the fact that everyone loved you. regardless of your sexuality, guys and girls loved how nice you always were to everyone. the boys especially loved looking at your sweet smile or listening to your laugh even though they knew you were just laughing to make them feel better. being pretty was just the nail on the coffin.

she had her reasons to ask you out, that was a given, but you being the sweetheart that the whole school loved, well, it just made it all the better. hearing that this had been your first date was shocking, surely someone would've already wanted to take you out. she had even seen you with the captain of the basketball team but maybe that was just a fling.

"really?" was her quiet surprise.

hearing her talk made you finally get the courage to look at her. "yeah. is it that surprising?"

Shauna shook her head quickly, "i just thought you dated Mason" she explained. the last thing she wanted to do was offend you or make you feel bad about your dating status. it's not like she'd been on many dates either.

the truth was that you had hung out with the captain of the basketball team. he was cute, had curly black hair that was always perfect. he had a sharp jawline and a perfect smile, not to mention the body of an athlete and he was kind. but he was just like any other guy. his idea of a date was hanging out in his basement with his friends whilst they got drunk or high with you on his arm, almost as if you were a prize. it lasted three months before you couldn't take it anymore. you didn't even talk, when he picked you up to take you to school he would just blast music. during lunch he'd talk to his friends and the one time you went out, he took you to watch a horror movie and tried to put his hand down your pants but you punched him before he could. it was then that you realized he only wanted to be the first guy to ever sleep with you.

after him you began to crush on Shauna so no one else would pry your mind like she would. she'd be the only girl you could think of during the day or before bed. the only time you wouldn't think about her smile and those brown eyes was when you slept.

your lips curved, "we hung out but the only time he took me out, he tried to do stuff that i didn't which led to a punch in the face. so i don't really consider it one" you said with a shy laugh. it was hesitant and Shauna could tell you were embarrassed by what you had just confessed.

"oh" she said her big eyes widening before she began to laugh along with you. that made you feel better about the whole thing.

you shrugged, "yeah. i guess im the cliche kind of spontaneous roses or dancing in the rain or showing up at my doorstep with a boombox. i don't know. i'm kind of a hopeless romantic which is stupid." with a shake of your head, you looked back down at your ice cream. the same blush that had been prominent practically throughout the whole night was still there and it was making your body burn in slight embarrassment.

Shauna was quick to reassure you, "it's not."

her words made your eyes snaps toward her. "really?" you asked hopeful.

she nodded. "yeah. i mean everyone is in a sense. i've actually always wanted someone to make a mixtape for me." she confessed and you could tell she was a bit flustered by her pink cheeks and the way her eyes kept darting down toward her shoes.

a smile formed on your lips. "why a mixtape?"

Shauna smiled as well. "i don't know. i guess the idea of someone taking the time to choose a song and everything is just really romantic" the two of you looked at one another for the first time that night. you saw her and she saw you. it was then that you realized who she was, not just the idea of her. and if you were being honest, it only made you fall even more.

that night during the drive to your house, you learned more about her. her favorite color, her favorite song, the reason she started playing soccer and even how she and Jackie became best friends. when she finally pulled up to your house, you expected her to just drop you off and leave but she didn't. instead, when you turned to say goodbye, she leaned in to press her lips against yours. it was sweet and short. even then, it had been the most magical kiss you'd ever experienced.

music was blasting through the speakers throughout the crowded home. drunk teens were all over the place, some just talking, others making out or playing beer pong. there was smoke from some teens smoking weed and some places were sticky with alcohol that had been spilled because of how drunk they were. outside, where there was a full moon and bright stars crowded around, drunk teens were in the hot tub and others just standing around with a drink in hand. the yellowjackets - mostly all were downstairs where most were playing beer pong. Jackie and Jeff were going against Taissa and Shauna. you had already gone but you sucked massively so you asked Tai to take your place.

you were standing to the side in between Lottie and Van who were talking about the last match which you all had won the last second. you weren't paying much attention, having to listen to them and also the four teens playing was starting to make you dizzy. Shauna and Taissa were competitive which meant they were trying their hardest to win. throughout most of it you could hear Jeff egging them on and telling them they sucked. it was obvious they were all joking by the way Shauna and Taissa had quick joking responses. even Jackie was in on trying to get in their head so she and her boyfriend could win. the prize? you weren't sure, probably just bragging rights but that didn't matter to them.

it was Jeff's infamous halloween party, you had arrived with Lottie since Shauna had gotten ready with Jackie. when the two of you decided to make it official, you didn't realize you also had to include Jackie in almost everything. they were best friends, sure, but Lottie was yours and you didn't have to include her when you hung out or had to cancel plans because she felt like you were neglecting her. you couldn't help but wonder if Shauna did that to her when it came to her and Jeff's relationship. just the other day you had planned a cute picnic date since it was going to be the last time it would be hot out, it ended up being Shauna, you and Jackie. maybe they didn't feel it but to you, it was awkward as hell. you spent the better half of the date listening to Jackie and Shauna talk as if they were alone and you knew your girlfriend felt bad, especially when she would place her hand on your thigh when you looked like you were zoning out or the way she would ask what you thought about the topic. it was sweet of her to think of you but you would've preferred if she had just cancelled.

that specific day had been no different. Lottie and you had gotten ready at your house. Lottie had on a purple skirt and a white shirt whilst you had on a black dress with thin lace at the edges of it. it wasn't irregular for you to wear such short dresses but the way Shauna looked at you when she saw you was like no one else had. sure, guys would gawk over you or check you out shamelessly but it was different when it came to her. she looked at you as if she needed you and you loved it. your girlfriend had on a short dress and you were sure that had been Jackie's doing and not hers.

it had been three hours so you arrived there and it was now almost two in the morning. you were a bit tired but Shauna seemed to be having fun so you didn't want to ruin that for her. she was your ride home after all. Lottie had offered but you hadn't been alone with the brunette since your first date which was almost three weeks ago and you wanted some privacy.

one red cup was left on both sides and the tension was growing between the four teens. Van and Lottie's conversation had been long forgotten as soon as they realized how close the game was to ending. it was Jackie's turn, everyone was tense as they watched her get the perfect angle. a moment later the ball flew across the table and landed swiftly in the last cup. groans erupted between Taissa and Shauna while Jackie squealed. you saw her turn to Jeff and throw her arms over his shoulders followed by him picking her up and spinning her. not really caring for them, you turned toward your girlfriend and friend instead. Taissa booed at them but it didn't really matter to her so she turned toward Van and Lottie to explain how she did have amazing skills but she 'had too many drinks'. that instilled a chuckle of amusement from you.

your eyes trailed away from your friends and toward your girlfriend who was looking at her best friend silently. at first you thought she was just being petty for losing but the longer you looked, the more it made sense. it had nothing to do with the game, it was them. you'd realized that when you first started paying attention to the brunette, the way she'd always look at Jackie distantly when she was with Jeff or the way everyone would always direct their attention toward Jackie and only ever acknowledged her presence with a small greeting. it was always about Jackie and you wanted things to change. things would be different with you, you'd make sure of that.

a smile curved on your lips and you took a step toward your girlfriend. the action made her finally pay attention to you, a small smile forming on her own lips. once you were close enough, you interlaced your hands on the back of her neck and pulled her close to you. "hi," you whispered softly which made her smile grow. she still had her hands at her side, something that had been a habit of hers since your first date. she was always too shy to touch you in any way, probably too afraid that you'd somehow not like her touch and pull away. that never crossed your mind though. instead of waiting for her to decide for herself, you grabbed her hands and placed them around your waist before putting your own back on her shoulders.

"hi," was her low response. you leaned in to peck her lips once making her smile grow and a light pink color to form on her face. you always found it extremely cute that she'd always blush when you kissed her.

she gripped your hips a bit tighter in support which you didn't mind. "wanna go upstairs?" you asked lowly so that none of your friends could hear you and make a big deal out of it. they had been teasing you about any little thing ever since your first date and although you weren't thinking about doing anything other than making out, you knew they wouldn't believe that.

the brunette nodded softly. that was enough confirmation for you to grab her hand and turn to the rest of the teens. "we're gonna get refills," you and began to walk away, not giving them enough time to protest. they were going to play another round which you knew and you didn't want any of them pulling her back. it was about time you had some alone time with your girlfriend.

"yeah sure," Tai called out behind you, "use protection!" she further teased making you roll your eyes in annoyance. with the hand that wasn't interlocked with Shaunas, you held it up and gave her the finger which earned snickers from the rest of the teens.

it didn't take long to get upstairs. there were some drunk teens crowding around the stairs and others making out in your way which made you have to shove past way too many people. the first room you entered was the bathroom so you quickly closed it and went to the next closed door. you wished you hadn't when you saw two half naked teens making out in Jeff's parents bedroom. finally, the next bedroom was empty and from what Shauna had told you, it was a guest room.

Shauna sat on the bed while you locked the door behind you. there was a sense of both excitement and nerves rumbling in your chest. not to mention the zoo of butterflies fluttering in your stomach. she was just Shauna. the girl who was probably just as nervous as you. the girl who had been nothing but sweet with you since you asked her to be your girlfriend. the girl who would open your car door or carry your backpack when she knew you had a more intense practice compared to her. the girl who would leave sweet little notes in your locker when you first started do it to her.

with deep silent breaths, you walked up to the brunette who was sitting at the very edge of the bed. she did look nervous. you could tell by her fingertips that were tapping against her thighs and the way she was biting her lip. it was probably the alcohol running through your body but it was enough courage to straddle her lap. you were hesitant at first, keeping your arms to your side so that she could push you off if she wanted to. she didn't. she placed her hand on your waist like she had just minutes before which helped you place your own hands on her shoulders for support.

you couldn't contain a smile, even when you bit your bottom lip to mask it. of course she'd still see how she was the one to make you like this. "i really like you." the words came out in a low whisper. you were close enough to smell the beer still lingering on her breath. close enough that you could see her soft skin and every little detail on her face. so close all you had to do was lean in a little bit and your lips would be on hers.

"i really like you too," she admitted in a whisper. her eyes kept glancing down at your lips and you knew what she wanted. you knew she wanted it but she couldn't do it. she was afraid to do something wrong or to mess things up with you. so you did it for her.

the distance closed between the two of you as you pressed your lips against hers. she kissed back instantly, her hands gripping at your waist which you had learned was a nervous habit of hers. typically the action would make you smile at how cute she was but the alcohol in you was making your body grow hot in a way you knew well. the kiss was slow at first. you were trying your best to let her ease into it since it was the first time you kissed longer than just a couple of seconds. you eased your way into it, leading her throughout it until she finally eased into it.

then the kiss grew rougher. her hands gripped at your waist a lot harsher as your tongues glided against one another. it was fast and hot and it made you want to grind onto her but you didn't. you weren't ready for that. not yet at least.

instead you gripped the back of her neck in support and got lost in the kiss. neither of you pulled away until your chests were burning with the need of oxygen. it was you who pulled away, both of your chest heaving up and down. pink lips were swollen and both of your pupils were blown out. the temperature in the room had began to rise and although you wanted to take things further, you didn't.

Shauna couldn't help but overthink if you thought she was good. did you think she was a bad kisser so you pulled away? were you going to tell that her that you wanted to go downstairs? it caused a wave of panic to rush through her so she did what she had seen done in movies dozens of times before. she leaned in to press kisses against your jaw, they were light and almost made you giggle but you fought the urge to. it didn't take long for her kisses to reach her neck. she pressed a small light kiss against your skin which made you smile and a small shiver to run down your spine. a second later she pressed down a lot rougher, her mouth opening and her tongue gliding against your skin. you moaned softly at the feeling and tangled your hands through her dark locks. when she began to suck at the skin, you pulled her hair a bit rougher than intended. the action fueled her pride, as well as every little noise you were making. even though you were trying to muffle it why biting your lip, she could still clearly hear you.

she didn't stop until you pulled her back by her hair so she'd meet your gaze. it's not that you wanted to stop but you were afraid that if she didn't, you'd take things further and regret it the next morning. a look of worry flashed through her eyes when you stopped her but you didn't let her overthink as you leaned in to kiss her. the kiss was wet and slow, unlike the one just before. she accepted your tongue gracefully and you could hear the lude noise throughout the room along with heavy breathing. as the kiss progressed, you realized you were wearing a dress and you began to realize that there was a possibly that she could feel how turned on you were. that made you pull away.

her eyes were closed as you looked down at her which made you smile. when they began to flutter open you leaned down to peck her lips quickly before pulling away completely. your teeth were on display as you smiled down at her. you were sure your cheeks were pink because so were here. she looked more disheveled though, her lips were a dark shade and her hair was messy from you pulling on it.

when the both of you recovered from such an intense kiss you both stood up, ready to go downstairs. you helped her fix her hair before you fixed your own appearance in the mirror. it didn't come to your attention that there something on you that hadn't been there when you first entered until Shauna pointed it out.

"shit," she whispered, her eyes locked on your neck. "im sorry, i didn't mean to." she nervously explained. you raised a brow at her, not really caught up on what she was apologizing for. instead of asking, you turned to the mirror and looked where her eyes had previously been staring.

oh.

there was a purple mark on your neck. it wasn't huge but it wasn't exactly small. definitely big enough that anyone else could see. it didn't bother you though. you actually found it kind of hot. you turned toward the brunette with a smile, "it's okay. i don't mind" were your words as you places a comforting hand on her arm.

"are you sure?" she asked quickly, far too anxious to believe you.

you nodded. "yeah. i'm sure"

the wave of relief that washed over her made your smile grow.

lights were hanging all around. there was christmas music in every store, on the radio and on the television. decorations were up on most homes making their house with Santa Clauses or Reindeers. christmas movies were on every channel and stores were packed with shoppers. it was the happiest time of the year and that was true for the couple. the time of year in which most families got together or traveled to celebrate.

wrapping paper was spread around the living room, the chimney on with the christmas tree lit up. the smell of freshly baked cookies and hot chocolate lingered around the kitchen and living room while 'home alone' was playing on the tv. there were kids running around playing with their new presents while the moms were in the kitchen making dinner. the dads of course, were sitting around talking or watching the movie on the screen. you weren't doing any of those things. instead, you were upstairs with your girlfriend who had snuck in after you finished opening presents. the brunette was laying down with you on her chest while you watched a christmas cartoon.

she had been there for almost two hours and you still had another hour before dinner was ready. you had asked your parents if she could come over but they had said no, claiming it was christmas and everyone should be with their family, including you. if only you actually talked to any of your family though. all of your cousins were children and the only one who was around your age, went to Mexico with her boyfriends family. that meant you had to either stick with your dad or your mom. both things sounded boring.

considering it was almost time for her to leave, you figured it was time to give her, her present. when she first arrived you exchanged presents but you had another one that you knew she'd love even more. she had gifted you a necklace with her initial on it, something you had been hinting at wanting since she gave you that hickey during the halloween party. after that night, it was as if neither of you could get enough. every time the mark would fade she'd make new ones. it would always result in your friends teasing you but it was with it. but like expected, your parents saw them when you had gotten in your hot tub. you had completely forgotten about it and didn't apply makeup like you always would. after that they said they wanted to meet your girlfriend. that was a very awkward dinner. your mom had made a 'sly' comment about how hickeys are tacky which left Shauna embarrassed. you hated that. she didn't even try to leave one after that day which would always leave you craving something to show that you were hers. it was soon after that in which you mentioned the necklace.

when you sat up, her arm fell from your waist. she looked at you confused, not expecting you to get up so abruptly. you moved across the room quickly and rummaged your desk until you finally found it. you quickly grabbed it and held it in the air as you turned your body in one swift motion. Shauna looked at you with wide eyes as, a smile playing on her lips at your excited state.

"i have one more present for you" were your words as you got back on the bed on your knees. you shuffled toward the brunette as fast as possible and handed it to her once you were close enough.

the brunette frowned gently, "i thought we said one present each" she said, now upset that she had only gotten you one whilst you had gotten her two.

with a shake of your head you looked down at the wrapped object. "it didn't cost me anything. it's just a small thing that i figured you'd like" you shrugged.

she looked a little hesitant but once she saw how hopeful you looked, her frowned turned into a smile once more and she began to unwrap it. considering how small it was, it didn't take long for the red and white wrapping to be crumbled into a ball on the bed. she looked confused at first as she looked at the cassette until she saw the words written on it. 'when i think of you -y/n'

her big brown eyes looked shiny as she looked down at it with her lips slightly parted in shock. suddenly her body came whirling towards you as she wrapped her arms around your body. she leaned back for a quick moment to kiss you softly before she leaned into the hug once more. you giggled softly at her actions. "those are the songs i always listen to what i think of you. which is always by the way." you said. even though it sounded as if you were joking, you weren't.

[fluttervee]

do u ever think abt how the person closest to kipperlily was lucy frostblade and how everyone turned on kipperlily about the name rat grinders except for lucy who believed in the high five heroes just like kipperlily? do you think some of kipperlilys rage is because she lost the only person she liked in her party? how long do you think she mourned her friend (gay crush) after coming back, after accepting that rage, knowing that lucy made a more honest choice by refusing it? do you think kipperlily ever wishes she followed lucy into that unhallowed non-afterlife? anyway i think about this. tragic toxic rage lesbians. kipperlily cannot be straight

frostkettle toxic yuri is so real To Me. the resentment that she would rather stay true to her god than come back and be with kipperlilly? mmmmm yess

as someone who was a toxic angry closeted teen girl who wished Something Bad Would Happen To Me to justify my misery, i find KLCK soooo fascinating. like, what if you knew your feelings were shitty and stupid but then an adult said you were right actually, come with me and we'll fix this and make things fair. and your best friend who you're in love with isn't as excited about it as you are, but she's gonna be CHAMPION, she's going to be as important you know she should be, won't that be great?? but then it turns out she never wanted to be champion, she never wanted to be a part of it at all, she would rather languish in dead rage god purgatory than live for you and you thought she UNDERSTOOD but obviously she didn't. and now she's gone and the only person you'd want to talk about it with is the dead girl you're most angry with.

[demigodsanswer]

Again a masterpiece, your aus are always a work of art, they make me happy.

I just read the tattoo au, and okay, i love it, i must admit i'm not a fan when there is a lot of relationship between annabeth and luke, ugh, i'm too much of a percabeth fan for that, but then i read that maybe luke is discovering that he is gay, that his life has become a sappy opera, his baby mama is making a life for herself with none other than an excellent man (who might be his crush), plus percy is sure to win sophia's heart in seconds, i love that maybe this time we are going to read a different luke, a luke who doesn't want to hurt annabeth.

Now I can't wait to read about how the relationship between annabeth and percy progresses, how is the relationship between percy and sophia, how she starts calling him "daddy", oh and obviously, the future percabies, and among all that how luke reacts to being just a spectator, he is always going to be sophia's father, but now he not only has to share her with annabeth but with percy.

Oh, the kiss between annabeth and luke threw me off, more so after she already had sex with percy, but then again, it speaks to my percabeth side, I really love this new fic.

Thanks! Truth be told, there isn't and never was any real romance between Luke and Annabeth. They are just now perpetually tethered to each other because of Sophia. But they do have a unique kind of kinship and love for each other that grows out of that circumstance, it's just not romantic or sexual. But it's more than just friends, ya know?

Luke isn't in love with her, but he thinks what's best for them is to be a family in this very narrow, traditional sense. He doesn't really care that they aren't in love or that they are prone to bickering with each other. He's never really loved anyone anyway, so best to be married to the woman he loves on some level and who had his kid (you can see the comphet here. Annabeth is the closest he's ever gotten to loving a woman who wasn't a lesbian, so he thinks that's love, and therefore who he should marry).

Annabeth on the other hand understands that she doesn't love him in that way, and that a traditional family is not necessarily a stable or loving family. She'd rather their family be somewhat functional and nontraditional, than traditional and dysfunctional.

Also I feel like Luke and Annabeth just have a lot of casual intimacy with each other in this world. It tones down once Annabeth is exclusive with Percy, but prior to Percy, they will sleep in the same bed on occasion, will go on vacations and day trip together with Sophia, and they kiss as casually as they might hug. It's just a familiar comfort. Plus, they both do really wish they loved this other person they have a kid with. They wish they were romantically and sexually attracted to one another. It would have made things easier. They just aren't. So every once and a while, they like to check if that's changed. The kiss at the end there is them seeking comfort in one another at the end of a long day, and also Luke's last plea for them to work out before Annabeth starts seeing another guy.

(I said them not being together is somewhat functional, I didn't promise it'd be perfect. They are a bit messy).

And yes, Luke for sure is attracted to Percy in ways he will never admit to. You know that post that's like "When I was in third grade, I had a crush on a girl in my class and didn't know what to do about it, so I wrote her a note that said 'get out of my school'"? That's basically what's going on there, except Luke is 36.

Percy is going to be a bright light in Sophia and Annabeth's life. He was 17 when his baby sister was born, so he has an encyclopedic knowledge of Disney princess, and he's great at playing make believe. He probably won't become "dad" to Sophia until he and Annabeth get married, but she will end up calling him that.

Poor Luke does have trouble adjusting, but it helps that Sophia does really love him. He also moves closer to Annabeth so that he's able to be more involved in her life. Do more school pick ups and drop-offs, take her to soccer practice, that sort of thing.

[edenspoem]

so I kinda have this dilema abt my sexuality and I have no one else to tell so...

like I'm pretty sure I'm into girls but I'm not like rlly sure if I'm into men, bc like, I sometimes see a guy and I'm like "well hes hot" and like I would even date him! but like, when it comes to marriage it's so weird bc I DO NOT see myself married to a man, like never, but like I do see myself married to a girl

and like my closest friends know im into girls and I've joked about being into girls in front of other friends I'm not too close to, and like one of them asked me the other day "but r u like rlly into girls?" and I just joked about it to avoid the question, and it's so hard to like accept it

bc when I first came out to my closest friends and I literally came out to them through jokes too, and like one day I told them "no but like I'm actually into girls" (they r all religious and i came out in a group chat) they were like "but what if it's phase!" and I was like I'm rlly sure it's not and telling me it's a sin, and they were gonna pray for me and shit, and like I even told them i was like crying bc I genuinely felt bad and they were like "it's God getting into your soul!"...so yeah, like I really love them but rlly didn't feel comfortable that time, and also my parents r religious, but not like full on bc I haven't stepped in a church in SO LONG so yeah...I rlly don't know what to do bc I also feel guilty abt it bc i feel like im gonna disappoint them and also whay my friends said didnt help 😭😭 I need advice so bad 💔

yeah ur friends definitely didn't help. of course, when you're raised religious it morhps the way you view others and hard-locks this consensus that someone needs to be saved. and i honestly relate to the thing about men too. i'll see some FINE-looking men and go "well.. if i wasn't a faggot.." but it's a hypothetical and i could never picture myself with a man genuinely. in any form. relationships (if you're not into casual) are for the long-run, so if you don't see yourself dating, or marrying, a man, then you might learn towards women. though if the idea of hooking up with men doesn't ick you, then you might also be into men! (and i would also argue that it's never 50/50) at one point in your life, you're going to treat your sexuality as a finite and natural thing (at least, i hope you meet the right people that make it feel so) and the conundrums posed and questions raises from other people won't matter. you'll be a mind amongst yourself and take the world in grains of salt. just know that it's the world around you instilling that guilt, instilling "what-ifs?" and make you second-guess or backtrack on whether you're strictly lesbian or not. i'm not an expert on any of this, but i think about these things from time to time.

[banabiohazard]

(Not four hearts, Monika & Natsuki, coming out, fluff, fantasies,)

(Although this is not four hearts au and I will be characterizing the dokis differently, mainly Monika, I will still be using elements I made up for four hearts such as Monika being raised by her Aunt Willow, Yuri being trans or Natsuki's father being locked away.)

Natsuki had struggled with her sexuality for a very long time, the thoughts she dealt with regarding girls had always confused her deeply for as long as she could remember. But somewhere around the beginning of high school she had come to terms with the fact that she was at least bi. That was a while ago at this point, she would be graduating next year and was fully aware that she was a lesbian, she hadn't come out to anyone of course for fear of judgment or word making it's way to her father. But now that he had been incarcerated for his abuse and she knew of her mom's feelings towards queer people being far more relaxed from conversations about politics and news she overheard, that fear was far lesser.

Today would be the day that she would release this constantly building pressure that she was lying about herself. She was going to come out, only to her closest friends, those she trusted most to test the waters, the literature club. Her thoughts were interrupted by a single clap of hands.

"Okay everyone! I'd like to start us off with a book recommendation, something I've been enjoying personally-"

Monika began her opening statement to the literature club, it was no longer held at school due to them never finding their fifth member to make it an official club. That didn't stop Monika's determination, she simply moved the club meetings to her back porch. Natsuki listened intently as the others shared their poems, running what she would say through her mind. And when her turn came Monika turned to her, "Natsuki?" She prompted, She took a long breath to still her nerves before she responded. "I actually don't have a poem to share, but I do have something to say from the heart if it's all the same to you guys." Monika cocked an eyebrow but nodded and moved aside so Natsuki could take her place.

"Ooooo!"

Sayori cooed with interest as Natsuki got up. She looked nervously at the small crowd, Monika, who had taken her seat, smiled wide as she stared forward with full attention. Sayori fidgeted impatiently with her hands and Yuri watched with a similar intensity as Monika while she twirled a strand of her hair through two fingers. "I want to start by saying how much I care about you all." She could already feel her face growing hot, she was far from used to showing her feelings openly, she was still more comfortable channeling it all into bugging her friends or getting on people's nerves to express her affection. "The uh, the last year or so has been the best of my life, knowing you all has made me very happy and I am very grateful. I hope this doesn't ruin everything or change how you look at me."

She took a deep breath and closed her eyes tight, "I like girls. I'm a lesbian." The following moments felt like hours before she flinched at the feeling of arms wrapping around her, when she opened her eyes she was looking out at Yuri and Monika over Sayori's shoulder. "That doesn't change a thing Nat. We love you no matter what." Sayori said as she squeezed her friend tight. Natsuki raised her arms and returned the hug, she let her eyes close again, the words rang in her ears and made tears try to well up. "Are you sure..?" She asked, and Yuri's voice responded,

"You are always safe with us, if you ever, uh, need someone to talk to who understands queerness I'm always here."

Her voice was far stronger than usual, determined to be reassuring. "The literature club is a safe place." Monika added, "You've been my best friend since we were little. I'd never drop you over something like that." Sayori dripped the final drop into the river that broke the dam. Natsuki squeezed her friend tight as the tears flowed, repeating "Thank you" between gasps.

When she had calmed down and Sayori released her she spoke again, "I appreciate you all." She said as she wiped her eyes on her sleeve, Monika placed a gentle hand on her shoulder, "I'm proud of you. That took a lot of courage." Natsuki smiled as she took her seat next to Sayori. "Okay everyone," Monika started again. "I'd say that meeting went well! Since emotions are running high I'm sure, I think we should end it a little early, feel free to stick around to do any homework for tomorrow, my home is your home!" And with a smile and a wave she retreated through the screen door and inside. Sayori turned to Natsuki and cleared her throat, "So, you don't gotta tell if you don't wanna, but can I ask how long you've known?"

"No it's okay, I've known the labels since I was like twelve but I've known women activate my monkey brain pretty much forever." She responded, Sayori laughed despite trying not to, "Monkey brain." She mumbled between laughs, Natsuki smirked at the reaction. After about an hour Natsuki had finished her homework and helped Sayori with some of hers, Monika had come back out a few times to offer lemonade or snacks or just talk. As Natsuki left with a wave to her friends she was happy, her friends accepting her made her think that maybe things would be okay. The walk from Monika's house to hers was long but she made it just before sundown. As she unlocked the door she let her backpack fall slack off her shoulders, she set it down inside and took her shoes off, "Mama! Are you up?" She called out to no answer, she sighed through her nose and unbuttoned her school blazer as she walked to her room.

After she had gotten changed into her night clothes and brushed her teeth she flopped down on her bed, cringing at the loud creaking. This had been a good day, she closed her eyes and ran through it in her mind, 'I'm proud of you, that took a lot of courage.' Monika's words hung repeating in her mind, they made her stomach drop, why was it doing that? Her thoughts wandered to her friend's face in that moment, she was pretty, Natsuki already knew that, she'd always thought Monika had a pleasant lip shape and her freckles, light and hardly noticeable as they were, complimented her eyes. But in this moment she wasn't seeing the Monika in her mind as pretty, she wasn't beautiful. Stop. Why was she thinking this, she'd never thought about Monika this way, she'd thought about the club president's body once or twice, she was conventionally attractive. But never like this.

This was not okay, she tossed and turned as her mind ran wild. Monika was the top of the food chain, she was one of the smartest and most popular girls in school, far out of Natsuki's league, she couldn't think about her like this. But she always put so much effort to connect with her, she played her piano when she was not confident in her skills yet, she read a few mangas every month so they could have common ground to talk about at the club. Natsuki felt her face getting hot. "Oh god.." She whispered to herself.

THIS IS A TEASER FOR THE FIRST CHAPTER OF FIREWORKS, TO CONTINUE PLEASE FOLLOW THE AO3 LINK BELOW!

[ae-azile]

Progression Preview - Chapter 28

Apologies for lack of normal formatting to differentiate signing and texting from voiced lines. This is a much longer preview than normal and it would have taken a long time to format. For some reason, those aspects do not copy & paste into Tumblr like they do AO3). But Namphueng is still solely signing here, and Kim mostly chooses to when communicating with her.

Now...onto the preview. Or like 1/5 of the chapter lol.

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“He was your…husband.” 

Porsche’s words are said in a thick, nervous voice, as if he is afraid to tell Namphueng or talk about it. Namphueng supposes it would be strange to inform someone that a man they are just remembering is their husband. 

Especially when she is a lesbian. 

Part of her wants to immediately deny it, tell Porsche that he is ridiculous for thinking such a thing. She has only loved Milan. She still loves Milan with her entire soul. Nothing changes that, even if what Porsche is saying is true. It really does not seem true. She is a lesbian, so it probably isn't. 

But at the same time, it doesn’t feel like a lie either. For one, Porsche looks emotional and sincere, so does Chay. Kim had looked uncomfortable until he went into the kitchen, which is actually what made her believe anything they might say would be true. No one is more affected by uncomfortable truths than Kim is. On top of that, she feels things when she remembers Pat. Not overwhelming love and yearning like she feels for Milan, but she feels…trust. Friendship. Security. Partnership. A love that is genuine and steady, but feels very familial. 

“Are you sure he's not my brother?” 

Porsche and Chay look at each other before looking at her again. 

“No, Ma. He's not. He was your husband.” 

Was. Was. What does that mean? Did they get divorced? That would make sense if her feelings about him then resemble the ones she has now, but it doesn't seem right. Despite knowing within her heart that she is a lesbian, she doesn't feel like it was a divorce. 

Deep down, there is a voice telling her she is right. 

“What happened to him?” Namphueng asks, trying her best to stay calm. She knows they are more nervous talking about stuff with her now. She's not stupid. They are worried she will hurt or kill herself because she tried to do just that. She needs to stay calm, especially for Porsche. She feels a spike of concern as tears well up in his eyes and he takes a sharp breath in. As for Chay, he just watches his brother silently until Chay turns to her. 

“He…He died,” Chay gets out, “I'm really sorry, Ma.” 

Namphueng has no choice but to take that in. Process the news. It makes her very sad. She doesn't cry. She feels like it is something she has known, which is all the more reason all of this is probably true. She doesn't remember much. She remembers Milan referring to him. She remembers having a few…classes with him? She even remembers spending time with him in an…apartment? Maybe a house? It's all blurry. Even his face is blurry. She remembers parted, black hair and glasses. 

And she remembers something else. Something important. 

“I’m sad,” Namphueng signs. Both of the boys nod in agreement. 

“Mm-hmm,” Porsche hums, clearing his throat, “You uh…You probably really loved him.”

Namphueng nods, because that's true. Even if she can't remember very much, she knows that to be true. When she thinks of what she can remember, she feels comfort, trust, and companionship. Pat understood her. He wanted similar things as her, even though she can't exactly remember what all of those things were. 

She remembers he was similar to her. 

“I did,” Namphueng signs, “I think…I think he was one of my closest friends. He understood me and he cared about me a lot. I understood and cared for him too. I don't remember his name, but Pat’s boyfriend was also a close friend of mine. He died too. Pat was very, very sad-” 

“Boyfriend?” Porsche says, waving his hands to cut in, “Pa- Pat didn't have a boyfriend.” 

Namphueng tilts her head, then remembers earlier on, going out with Pat, his boyfriend, and Milan. She thinks it was right after she started school? 

She remembers going to school. She lived in a dorm. When Pat’s boyfriend died, she got an apartment with Pat, but she doesn't…she doesn't remember Milan there, not much. She remembers Milan and Pat getting along the times she did come over, but it wasn't as frequent after…

Ugh.

Namphueng thinks Milan dated someone else too, because she remembers her bringing a man over. Gun. Milan married Gun. Milan had two sons with Gun. Why did Milan do that? 

Bitch. 

No, not a bitch. She doesn't even know why she thought that. From the dreams and random memories she has had, Namphueng thinks she is the one who broke things off, not Milan. So maybe SHE’S the bitch. She did marry Pat, but she doesn't think she and Pat lied to each other. She KNOWS that man is gay. 

Was gay. 

She feels like she told him she was a lesbian too. The thought that she kept it from him doesn't feel accurate at all-” 

“Ma! He wasn't gay!”

Why does Porsche care? 

“He was,” Namphueng signs, “I can NOT see myself marrying a man who is straight or even interested in women. I also remember him being gay. Don't be homophobic, thanks.” 

“I'm not homophobic!” Porsche snaps, jumping to his feet, “I'm with Kinn! But it makes no sense for the two of you to have gotten MARRIED when both of you were supposedly gay!” 

“Hia,” Chay prompts hoarsely, but Porsche isn't finished. 

“It doesn't make sense, Ma! It just doesn't! You loved each other!” 

“...Yes. We did,” Namphueng signs in a placating way, even though she doesn't know why Porsche is THIS upset, “I cared about him deeply. He was one of my closest friends. I think…I think his family didn't accept him? Maybe that's why we got married? I don't know. I don't remember. But I am very sad that he is dead and I would like to visit his grave or urn sometime soon so I can talk with him. Maybe not yet. I'm sad. But soon.” 

“Ma! You…You don't…You can't-” 

Porsche cuts himself off and begins to pace, all while Namphueng sits there patiently. She doesn't really want to sit there patiently. This isn’t even Porsche’s business. She doesn't know why he knows about Pat in the first place, or why he's upset Pat had been gay. But something in the back of her head is telling her to be compassionate, to be kind and gentle with him. It's saying this is hard on him.

Of course it is hard on him to find out like this. 

Why did she think that? What does that even mean? 

To take her mind off of it, she ignores Porsche’s pacing and turns to Chay. 

“Thank you for telling me about Pat. While I am very upset to hear about his passing, I won't do anything stupid. I promise. I'm sorry that you and Porsche are affected by this conversation. I will try not to bring him up around you-” 

“It's not that, Ma,” Chay says hoarsely, then looks at Porsche, “But uh…Maybe we should move on for now. For Hia’s sake.” 

Porsche’s pacing gradually comes to a halt as he seems to gear himself up to be confrontational or say something daring. But he doesn't. Instead, his shoulders slouch and he sits back down again. 

“Sorry about upsetting you,” Namphueng signs, and she means that, “We can move on.” 

Both of the boys stare at her before Porsche looks around.

“Where did Kim go?” 

Chay lets out a sigh, “He wanted to give us privacy so he is making lunch to take to the studio for everyone tomorrow.” 

“Maybe uh…” Porsche starts, “Maybe he should be in here? Kinn and Tankhun too-”

“No,” Namphueng signs, then holds up her hands, “I understand it's important for them to know, but I don't want to upset them right now. I shouldn't have said it in front of Kim. He lives with me and I thought it was important to tell him my theory. I wasn't thinking about Milan being his aunt. It's too late to take back, so I suppose he can listen to what I have to say and make a judgment call on if his brothers should know or not-” 

“Kim!” Porsche calls out. Within seconds, Kim comes out of the kitchen. He was probably listening in. That's fair. She did bring up her strong suspicion that his father is keeping his aunt locked away in likely  one of the many secret rooms in the compound. And it isn't much of a suspicion. It's a fact. 

As Kim quietly comes into the room and sits in the chair diagonal from Chay, she wants to tell Porsche to move so Kim can sit with Chay. Kim might need comfort from his boyfriend. 

But Porsche still seems to be the most overwhelmed, more so than the rest of them, and Namphueng knows they are all overwhelmed and upset. So Porsche is somehow feeling even worse. 

“I don't know whether we should tell your brothers, but I think Milan is still alive,” Namphueng signs, meeting Kim’s eyes, “I know you must think I sound crazy. That this is a coping skill to convince myself of this. But it's not. I remember her with me in a couple of the rooms. Korn moved us around.” 

Kim stares at her silently, opens his mouth to speak, then takes a shaky breath in and signs instead.

“What exactly do you remember of her?” 

Namphueng thinks hard. She remembers being in some…trance. She would have moments of something resembling lucidity, enough awareness to get restless and upset. Sometimes that meant trying to get Milan to focus on her, other times that meant trying to leave the room and wander. When she thinks even harder, she remembers Milan having those same moments. Rarely did they ever reach those moments at the same time, the only times they did were with the nurses. 

If Namphueng attacked them, Milan would always join in. If Milan initiated the aggression, Namphueng would do the same. Those moments all but stopped as the pill colors and sizes changed. That made it so they couldn't do much more than tend to their own basic needs when prompted, work on their preferred hobbies, and occasionally be just aware enough to take comfort in each other’s company, even though no words were exchanged between them. They were capable, but docile. They could barely think for themselves.

“I remember her first being brought in,” Namphueng signs, “I was painting. I think…I had a stronger sedative the day before. I was still out of sorts, but she seemed familiar. When she saw me, she ran for me and fell to her knees. Korn brought her to my room to punish her for something. I don't know what. But she kept saying she knew something hadn’t been right, that it didn't make sense she was never allowed to see…to see…” 

Namphueng trails off, because Namphueng being dead doesn't make sense, nor does the word “bodies”. Maybe when Pat died, Milan had been told Namphueng died too?

“My body,” Namphueng finishes, “Korn must have told her I was dead, then wouldn't show her my body. I don't know why he would do that. He is evil.” 

As Namphueng looks at Kim apologetically, she sees that he isn't offended. If anything, he is lost in thought until he meets her eyes. 

“Do you remember anything else?” 

Namphueng nods, “I have been remembering more and more recently. I have been meditating and putting on dream and memory recollection videos on my television while I sleep. I think they help.” 

Chay lets out a sigh, “Are you…Are you sure you aren’t…dreaming everything? Or remembering wrong?” 

“I remember,” Namphueng signs. She expected this, “I remember her being in the room with me. I remember when the medicine wasn't as…bad. It was still bad, but we interacted more. She would make me jewelry. That's what she did while I drew and painted. She made hand embroidered jewelry. Sometimes with thread, other times with tiny beads. She worked really hard at it. I remember her almost always giving the final results to me. They were beautiful. I don't remember her doing that when we were younger, but she was very good at it.” 

Kim stares at her, his expression unreadable. Namphueng holds his gaze patiently until he digests the information and is ready to respond.

“I am worried about you being wrong and you trying to hurt yourself again.” 

Namphueng nods, “I scared you and upset you that night. Of course you are. I will…Try my best not to if that's the case. I will remind myself that I have friends. People who care about me. I have Fern, Vegas, Macau, Pete, and Paris too. Milan’s family.” 

Kim nods, “You do. You have them too. But I don't think they should know about this. Not yet.” 

“...Okay,” Namphueng signs, pursing her lips, “So we need to find proof and then-” 

“We need to find her. Not just proof,” Kim says, “Proof of her once being here will trigger them to do something drastic. They are too close to the matter. So are we, but we have been around Pa. We know how he is and need to investigate subtly but thoroughly-”

“Kim, you can't be encouraging this!” Porsche says, “This could end up really hurting her!” 

Kim turns and meets Porsche’s gaze, “Do you think she will just drop it if we tell her to? Forget that she came to this conclusion?” 

“I won't!” Namphueng signs sternly.

“She needs answers,” Kim says, “Even if they end up being upsetting answers, she still needs them. But we also need to remember to search for them…gradually. Go about this in a way that doesn't raise Pa’s suspicions. Maybe Khun and Arm can…I don't know, make him feel obligated when Arm’s sisters and nieces move in. Remind Pa how serious their relationship is and that Khun considers them his family. Convince Pa to go on day trips with them-”

“Oh, I'm sure they will all love THAT,” Porsche scoffs before muttering under his breath. Something about how his favorite couple isn't a decoy. Namphueng agrees. They aren't decoys. But surely Khun will want answers too. 

“I think we should hold off on telling Kinn and Khun about this,” Kim tells them, “For now. It is…It's stressful to hear. Khun might automatically believe it's true and respond impulsively. Kinn may try to deny it's a possibility because he will be too defensive and upset over the thought of Pa doing something like that. Again.” 

With that, Kim stands up and looks down at Namphueng, “It might take a while to investigate all of this. On top of that, we need to go about our daily lives as normal so we don't raise suspicions. I don't believe even Chan knew about you. I know for a fact Arm didn't, and he wouldn't know about Auntie Milan either. So there are likely security measures Pa put in place himself when it came to you. And if my aunt is hidden away, it's likely the same for her. I wouldn't be surprised if he strengthened them after making your presence known.” 

Chay looks up at his boyfriend at that point, “Kim-” 

“I accept,” Namphueng signs, standing up to give Kim a hug before pulling away, “Thank you for listening to me. I didn't want to upset anyone with this, but I thought keeping it to myself wasn't helping either.” 

With that, Namphueng turns to Porsche and Chay. 

“I am sorry if I upset you tonight by bringing up Pat. I am not sure why you are upset when he was my husband and close friend, but if you knew him and that brought up bad memories, I apologize.” 

And she truly means that. She does. But the boys seem too overwhelmed to really do anything but nod and say it's fine. It makes her feel more certain that - when she's ready - she will ask for more details, maybe for some pictures of him too. She may not have loved him romantically, but he was one of her closest friends and she clearly loved him enough to marry him.

So if she finds out he died in a way that needs to be avenged, she will try her best to be the one who carries that out. 

—-----------------

Chay knows he needs to talk with Hia privately. But going by Hia’s dazed walk as he leaves the suite, Chay figures it would best be had tomorrow. As for tonight, Chay will keep his communication with his brother simple. 

Chay: ❤️❤️❤️ I love you, Hia. Try to get some rest. Can we have dinner after I get back tomorrow? I should have some time in between then and my shift at Yok’s. 

It takes several minutes, but Hia responds. 

Hia: You're still working at Yok’s? Why? 

Chay: Why wouldn't I? 

Hia: You're heavily featured on an album of one of the biggest musical artists in the country. 

Chay: And? I enjoy working at Yok’s too. I’ll quit after I start school. If I get in. 

Hia: You’ll get in. ❤️ Are you okay? 

Chay: I don't know. I guess, but I'm worried. How are you? 

It takes His several minutes to respond to that too. 

Hia: I'm okay. Get some rest. I love you. 

Chay: Love you too. 

Chay hears a whine beside him and looks down to see Koda sitting by his feet. He gets on his hind legs and balances them on Chay’s lap. Chay cups his dog’s face and briefly presses his forehead against his. 

“You want to go for another walk while your papa finishes up cooking and avoiding the world?” 

Once Koda hears his favorite word, he's by the door, wiggling his tail in excitement. Chay can't help but give the best boy in the entire world a big smile despite everything he just heard. 

The walk is mostly uneventful. He takes Koda outside through one of the back exits and walks him around the large block the building takes up. It isn't as exciting as a walk at one of the parks, or one of the longer walks he and Kim will take him on that leads them to exploring other areas of the neighborhood, but it's more interesting to Koda than a walk inside the compound. Koda treats those walks pretty neutrally, although he keeps showing a lot of interest in the pool. But he hasn't completely healed from his surgery, so Chay isn't even trying it. Until then, Koda only gets excited to see some of the staff and guards, all while being cordial and passive with Korn. Probably for the best. 

Koda does like Sand though. A lot. Not as much as he likes Kim, Ma, Hia, Khun, and Phoenix, but Kinn and Sand are likely on par. Although, Sand gives him more affection when he sees Koda, and Kinn awkwardly pats him and takes him on obligatory walks. 

“You're still on compound duty despite becoming Korn’s guard?” Chay asks as soon at Sand squats down to ruffle Koda’s fur. 

“Only a couple of nights a week,” Sand says, keeping most of his attention on Koda, “Korn is pretty low maintenance, at least so far.” 

“I doubt it will stay that way,” Chay mutters, then takes a breath, “He…Sand, he was okay with getting his long-term head guard killed. You need to be careful around him.” 

“Hm.” 

“I'm serious,” Chay reiterates, “You can't trust him. You told me before you don't trust him-” 

“How is your night?” Sand says, cutting Chay off, “That's how one usually starts a conversation.” 

Chay stares at him for a moment, then clears his throat, “It's…okay. How is yours?” 

“Slow. Boring-” 

“Good,” Chay says, getting back on track, “Considering you are Korn’s guard now-” 

“He picked a few guards. I happened to be one of them,” Sand says, “I didn't question it because he's older, Kinn is mainly in charge, and I was given a raise regardless the lack of missions Korn will likely be leading. Why do you care?”

“Because I care about you,” Chay says. Even though he has never felt anything truly romantic for Sand, he is still fond of him and considers him a friend to some degree - moreso than any of the other people he hooked up with. If he hadn't been in the headspace he had been in, he could see himself maybe being open to seeing where things might have led back then. But the sentiment - while true - still must come of as strange to Sand since he gives him a look. 

“Uh huh.” 

“I do,” Chay says gently, “You've been a friend to me. You always agreed to pair up with me for training and I hang out with you more than any other guard-”

“Not recently.” 

…That's true. 

“I'm sorry,” Chay says, “It…It’s been a few weeks since we have worked out and trained together. It's just been busy. I'm helping Kim with his album. And…We’re together now. You know that.” 

Sand shrugs, “I am aware.” 

Great. Chay thought Sand had been fine with it, unlike Vice and Mars, who still send him glares every once in a while. 

“Are you pissed off at me over falling for and getting with Kim?”

Sand stays quiet for a moment, then shrugs, “No. Not really. I hope it's going well.” 

Chay stares at Sand for a moment, “It is. It's going great. But…if you are comparing what the two of us did to what I have with Kim now and feel hurt by it, then I am sorry. I didn't…I wasn't going about anything right, and I upset a lot of people I should have treated with more kindness, care, and respect.” 

“Your fuck buddies and random hook-ups? Kindness, care, and respect usually don't get associated with those kinds of arrangements.” 

Chay winces at that, but moves past it, “You’re right, but…That wasn't who I wanted to be. I was going through a rough time and I was angry. I let everything I was doing spiral out of control and I regret sleeping with a lot of the people I did, but there are a few that were…I don't know. I am glad you still stayed my friend and didn't push for more or push me away once I decided to stop being the person I became. I don't regret what what we did together in the past, and I would like to be friends with you if you actually aren't mad.” 

Chay feels himself shift nervously on his feet at Sand studies him curiously. Then, he gives Koda one last pat before standing up to full height. 

“Then as your friend, I would advise you to not ask me questions about Korn.” 

Chay squints at him, “I'm asking because I am concerned. He's not a good person. You know what he did to my ma and how he has treated Kim and Khun and-” 

“Stop,” Sand says briskly, then stares straight ahead, “I need you to stop. You are one of the people he specifically noted in regards to who to keep our eyes on-” 

“He told you to spy on me?” 

“No,” Sand says, “He just said to note if we see anything suspicious coming from you. That you harbor…resentment that stems from grief and paranoia-”

“It doesn't stem from paranoia if he killed my pa and imprisoned my mother!” Chay hisses. It causes Sand’s unreadable and neutral expression to finally crack and it becomes an empathetic one instead.

“I’m telling you what he said to make sure you're careful around him, despite what punishment that may bring me if Korn found out. So do me a favor by being careful around him and stop bringing him up to me unless you absolutely have to.” 

The conversation quickly becomes one sided after that. All Chay can do is begrudgingly mumble a goodnight before walking his dog the rest of the way around the block and leading him back inside. By the time he gets back to his suite and unhooks Koda from the leash so he can go to the kitchen and get some water, he finds Kim walking out of the room in question before sitting on the couch. 

“How are you doing?” Kim asks, then lets out a sigh, “I should have asked you before. I should have stayed. It's just…she said what she did about my aunt and I needed time to think-” 

“I get it,” Chay interrupts, “And I’m…stressed and worried. Mainly about Ma. I'm worried about this being a way for her to cope, something that gives her hope and drive until her theory is proven otherwise. She says it isn't and that she won't do anything drastic if she ends up being wrong, but she is so convinced she is right that it might not be the case if things end up going that way.” 

Kim nods thoughtfully, “I'm worried about that too.” 

Chay figured, but before he can sit down and talk it out with him, Kim continues. 

“But despite that and logic telling me…telling me that her theory likely isn't true…part of me believes her.” 

Chay sharply breathes in and feels his heart ache at that, “Kim-"

“It might be wishful thinking, but one thing she said is really bothering me,” Kim says, his gaze distant, “You ma said that her hobby was drawing and painting, while Auntie Milan’s was making and embroidering jewelry. Auntie Milan did do that. It was a hobby of hers.” 

At that point, Kim’s gaze comes back into focus as he meets Chay’s eyes. 

“But she didn't start doing that until after Khun was rescued. She used to sit with him a lot in the infirmary where he was kept sedated. She picked it up for something to do. She had a beginner’s book and everything. So how would your ma even know about it unless she witnessed it herself? And how would she witness it when she had been declared dead and held captive several years before Auntie Milan even picked up the hobby?” 

There is no alternative explanation Chay can give. He doesn't have one. As for Kim, he doesn't seem to have one either. 

[idolbound]

DARP Advent 2024: Day Three Past/Birth, Present/Life, Future/Death.

Past/Birth:

- Does your muse know their name day? Yes. - What's their sign? (Which month were they born in?) Born on the 21st day of Bloomingtide, 8:92 Blessed Age. - What is your muse's background? Her mother, Maighread Ó Coileáin (pronounced: Mar-e-ad O-Coy-lian) was born in a small village near Kirkwall, called Wrenwith. As an adult, she left home and went to the city, where she later met her future husband, Bernard Cecil Stannard at the market in Hightown. Bernard was a born Kirkwall noble, and much to the disapproval of his family, pursued Maighread out of love despite her being a commoner and from out of the city. They married and soon had their first daughter Amelia, but waited 6 years before having a second child. - Where are they from? Born and raised in Kirkwall - Do they know their parents? What kind of relationship do they have with them? She was only 5 when they died, so unfortunately, she only knew them as well as a small child could, but she was very close with her father more than her mother (and her sister was the opposite, basically attached to their mother at the hip). - Do they have close family? No, but Meredith developed a father-daughter-like relationship with Ser Wentworth Kell as she became his page, and served under him for years, cited as the 'daughter he never deserved' in his succession speech prior to naming Meredith the next Knight-Captain. - Is your muse born with any distinguishing characteristics (heterochromia etc) or disabilities? Meredith has always had strikingly blue eyes (made more so by taking lyrium over the years), been very tall since adolescence, and has very soft, light blonde hair. She suffers from untreated Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. - Do they discover anything strange about themselves in childhood? (ex. Emmrich's affinity for spirits) No, though she had a deep-seated fear she might develop magic like her sister did as she got older, but once she got past age 7-13, it started to dissipate.

Present/Life:

- How long has your muse been alive? Do they know? By the time of Meredith's canonical death, she is 45 years old. - What is your muse doing? Presently? Acting Knight-Commander of the Templar Order in the city-state of Kirkwall. If by presently, you mean "veilguard" timeline, well, she's dead. - Does your muse have a "day job"? Something to go back to when their "cause" is over? Her cause is her day job. - Who are your muse's closest friends? Ser Wentworth Kell (deceased), Cullen Rutherford (kind of), Ser Thrask (until his betrayal), uh. Grand Cleric Elthina (I guess, but not really). - What are your muse's favorite hobbies? Reading, drinking wine, writing a handwritten copy of the Chant, going to the Chantry for service, having sex. - Does your muse have a place that they live? Multiple places? She lives in the Gallows, in the Templar tower. She does not own a home.

Future/Death:

- How long after their "home game" or media will your muse live? Haha... she does not. :') But that's what AUs are for. - What are your muse's goals for the future? Well, before she started going mad due to the red lyrium idol, I'd say Meredith's intentions were to keep serving as active Knight-Commander either until she hit retirement age (so another 15-20 years) or if she died before then, carefully priming Knight-Captain Cullen to become her successor with the hopes that he would follow exactly in her footsteps, in order to keep Kirkwall and its people safe. - Does your muse have plans for building a family if they don't already have one? I've talked about it before, but because her sister was a mage, even if Meredith wasn't a lesbian / didn't have an aversion to men (and therefore, the people most likely to be getting her pregnant), she has such a deep-seated fear of potentially birthing a magical child and worrying about bringing another mage into the world, that she wouldn't want to anyway. That said, she does see Cullen kind of like a son, and tends to feel a little maternal towards him as her named successor, much like she was for Ser Wentworth. - What does your muse want done with their body when they die? Well, she would've liked to have followed Chantry tradition and have had her body cremated; I think she'd have left a request in her last will and testament to have her ashes scattered in the Waking Sea - Kirkwall is her birthplace and has always been her home next to the waters. But obviously, she can't have that now. - What kind of funeral rites does your muse believe in? As above, she follows standard Andrastian funeral rites of cremation to avoid demonic possession of the corpse. - How does your muse want people to remember them? In her mind, Meredith would want to be remembered as Kirkwall's Champion, which is why she is so miffed that Hawke beat her to the opportunity to be named as such. She wants to be remembered for her efforts, and long-standing changes she made to how the Gallows are run and organized, and how she protected the people of the city time and time again. It is a far stretch from how she actually is remembered now. - Does your muse suffer any long-term illnesses, disabilities, or injuries from the events of their story? How do they cope with those changes in their life? As mentioned, she has long-standing and untreated Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder and its resultant symptoms from her childhood trauma of watching her mage sister turn into an abomination and kill their parents and 70 other people before being stopped. In my headcanon, she has endured numerous wounds and burns from fighting apostates, abominations, and demons. In particular, her worst scars are on her right lower leg when, as a Knight-Templar, she took a fire ball directly to her leg, which melted steel and leather together against her skin. it is by the miracle of the Maker and the in-field skills of her senior officer that she did not have to have her leg amputated, and was able to be brought back to the Gallows and seek treatment on time. She spent weeks on bedrest, having the wound debrided and kept clean, but in the meantime, kept her mind and body as active as she could, to get back to active service as soon as possible. She also has lesser burns on her right forearm (her primary sword arm), and other blade-related scars throughout her body. As she gets older, she finds her bones ache, especially when it gets cold. Her knees hurt most of the time, and sometimes she'll tweak her back if she turns the wrong way. She has accepted it as getting older, and because she has been living a hard life in service, but it does annoy her that getting out of bed can often be a momentous task some mornings.

[kiristephens]

Name: Kiri Stephens Occupation: Owner of Tūmatarau Apothecary Age: Appears 48; actually 49 (September 4) Sexuality: Lesbian Pronouns: She/Her Species: Vampire Clan/Pack/Coven: Clan Lomidze Hometown: Auckland, New Zealand Relationship Status: Married (I guess??) Personality Traits: Intelligent, efficient, organized, patient, ruthless, calculating, standoffish, arrogant, vindictive

Biography (tw: racism/colonialism, kidnapping, torture, death)

Magic was something that Kiri was born into, though in her community, they didn't call it that. Her family comes from a long line of tohunga, Maori priests and healers who used the natural world and its abundances for their craft. However, it was never called witchcraft, for fear of persecution from settlers who already perceived them as primitive for their practices. Her own parents and siblings preferred to assimilate into the tidy little boxes that the world crafted for them, while Kiri craved learning more. She wanted to fill in the all of the gaps in knowledge left behind by colonial violence that stamped out anything that was different.

So at 18, she left Aotearoa behind and set off for the United States, seeking out an advanced degree in biochemistry while also learning all she could about her history and practices that have since been lost.

The wider world of the supernatural is opened up to her while she is trying to get her PhD in traditional Maori practices combined with the latest pharmaceutical endeavors, using it as a way to carve her way into the world she demanded. It is through this that she met an elder, someone who still seemingly held knowledge from a long-forgotten time, and eventually encourages Kiri to make her way to Port Leiry.

Once there, Kiri learned that the world was so much wider than she was initially led to believe. The Circle of the Phial welcomed her, and for the first time in her life, Kiri felt like she had a proper place somewhere. No longer was she chased away from knowledge that she felt entitled to know, and her mentor was thrilled to have someone to pass along said knowledge to carry on their culture, rather than led it fade away over time. Combined with Kiri's natural talent and her scientific background, she built a reputation for herself as particularly skilled with developing drugs and salves for illnesses and injuries, that were grounded in both traditional techniques as well as scientific advances. Kiri flourishes, reaching for higher goals and with them, riskier substances, particularly in ways to not only heal witches from attacks by other supernatural creatures, but to provide an offensive edge as well.

It's this ambition that has Kiri crossing into Westriver Gardens one day by herself, in search of a rare plant that had particularly potent numbing capabilities, originally local to her homeland but now transplanted into the Pacific Northwest. She doesn't anticipate being stopped by the owner of the Gardens herself, and is even more surprised that she manages to get away wholly unscathed. Rather than a threat, Laure proved to be the next person to change Kiri's life.

For the first time in decades, her ambition takes a backseat to this new development in her life. They dance around each other for months before taking the next leap, and after that, everything is history. She spends the next 12 years happily thriving in her relationship, and seeing what perks came with loving someone who was immortal. With it came bursts of creativity, unbound by issues of cost or material. The apothecary she runs leans into the tourist trap notions of spells and curses, while also providing all supernatural creatures with a variety of magical potions and enhancements. She reconnects with the family she thought she had walked away from, in the form of a niece and a protege. It's the closest thing to bliss that Kiri has ever been able to imagine.

What she kept secret from everyone, including her wife, were Kiri's recent experiments into new types of potions that, instead of enhancing traits, would work to suppress them. They were meant to be a means of easing this way of life to the people who were unwillingly brought into it. A potion to artificially flavor animal blood to mimic the qualities of a human or a witch, an elixir that allowed a wolf to sleep through the full moon in peace without the loss of control, a combination of herbs to help quiet the voices from the other side. An arguably noble motive, but one that could lead to disastrous consequences if exploited.

She never got far in these endeavors, sidetracked by the upcoming ceremony where she would transition from witch to vampire. She assumed that she would have eternity to continue working on such things, even without her natural magic.

The initial attack is a blur, iron tang in her mouth as an athame slices across her throat. Not deep enough to kill, but enough to spill the blood that is necessary for this ruse. She can still sometimes smell the way the crimson viscera poured out onto the concrete. She assumes it means her death.

She has never been so wrong.

When she wakes, she sees only her. For three years, she lives, solely at Lana's discretion. The vampire says it's because she needs a witch, to undo what another has done, but even if that was within her realm of magic, Kiri refuses. She languishes in the dark, provided updates on the outside world, on her wife, from a cruel voice, and she feels her mind begin to fray.

The masquerade is the final straw. Lana brings Kiri as her date, so she can see with her own eyes the indiscretions of her wife. She watches as Laure flaunts around a younger creature, a vampire, dressed in one of Kiri's favorite gowns. She watches as she dances with a human, whispering sweetly in her ear. She watches as her wife stands three feet away and is unable to hear Kiri's internal screaming while Lana bites into her neck.

At the end of the night, she returns to the cramped space that has become hers over the last several years. When Lana inevitably visits her, the pain and humiliation have twisted her into something inconsolable. So she begs, and Lana provides. It is a far cry from the detailed plan that she had created with her wife, but Lana takes her time. Shows her the closest thing to gentleness that she's felt in three years, and it ends with the snap of her neck.

The Game So Far

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. With her new bloodlust and raging emotions, she makes her presence known to both Laure and Morgan, uncaring of the mess that she leaves behind. When the dust settles, Kiri decides that she is going to continue living her life, with or without her wife. She reopens her apothecary which had been shuttered after her supposed ‘death’, and not so subtly reminds people in the community that even without her magic, she has a wealth of knowledge that can be passed on to others.

Plot Ideas

Apothecary Customers - Kiri has a reputation within the witch community as one of the premier potion-makers in the city, and a reputation within the human community as an herbalist whose remedies rival those of some over the counter drugs. Kiri will provide the science to those who need it, but has also played the role of a “folk herbalist”, because some people will believe anything if it’s dressed up in mysticism.

Flings - Kiri spent most of her adult life in a committed relationship (with a great many threesomes) and the last three years in captivity. Combined with her wildly swinging emotions, she has a tremendously great time rewarding those who are bold enough to buy her a drink.

Hard-Liners - Any witch or vampire who frowns upon how Kiri is still heavily involved in Phial and witch business despite the fact that she is now a vampire.

Connections

The Wife (Laure Stephens) - Despite what it may look like on the outside, Kiri still deeply loves her wife, despite her various betrayals. After all, the line between love and hatred is razor-thin. She is certain that she and Laure will find their way back together again one day, but in the meantime, she is going to enjoy her own life.

The Sire (Lana Lomidze) - Lana kept Kiri locked in a room for over three years, which ended with a broken heart and a broken neck. She knows that challenging Lana is a meaningless exercise, but a woman can dream.

The Protege (Blair Davenport) - The adopted daughter of Kiri’s brother. She had lost touch with her family when she left New Zealand for college and only learned that her brother followed her to the country when she had been contacted by the police about his murder. While there isn’t a single maternal bone in Kiri’s body, she doesn’t hesitate to take the younger witch in, doing her best to teach her all that she knows as that final remnant of her family.

The Assistants (Briar Mors, Allie Fleur, Daniella Domotor) - Kiri has a private greenhouse in Westriver Gardens and the apothecary where she turns such plants into medicines and potions. Alongside Blair, Kiri is willing to take on any help to keep her store running (particularly in daylight hours) while also sharing the knowledge she has. She can be a harsh teacher with high standards, but that’s because a mistake in their work could easily kill someone.

TBA

[jeanjauthor]

I once asked my mother a series of questions as a teenager, back in the 1980s.

I would start them with "Hypothetically..." meaning this was just a theoretical question, and not an actual commentary.

I honestly wanted to know what my parents (especially my mother, my closest rolemodel as a (mostly) female teen) were thinking.

Until one day I asked, "Hypothetically speaking, Mom...what would you say if I said I were a lesbian?"

She. Hit. The. ROOF.

She SCREAMED at me, " I'D TAKE YOU TO A PSYCHIATRIST!!"

...You have to understand how bad this FURIOUS statement was. How dangerous it was, the sheer danger I had inadvertently put myself in.

We knew my dad was bipolar, he was seeing a psychiatrist, it had put our family through a lot of pain and heavy days of uncertainty, never knowing when he was "safe to approach" some weeks, on and on and on...and back then, being diagnosed as homosexual was Very Serious, and would get you stigmatized VERY HEAVILY.

They were still locking people up for being Psychologically "Unstable" for Not Being Straight, back then. You could literally wind up in a psych ward for...just being yourself.

My mother screamed at me all manner of horrible, horrible things, while I was backpedalling fast and furious, YELLING RIGHT BACK THAT I WASN'T A LESBIAN, IT WAS HYPOTHETICAL, I'M NOT A LESBIAN I'M NOT A LESBIAN I'M NOT A LESBIAN, IT WAS ONLY HYPOTHETICAL, MOTHER!!!

Nearly 20 fucking minutes of having this screaming match with her, that it was JUST A HYPOTHETICAL QUESTION!!!

...Never, ever did I tell her I was bisexual, until I was in my fucking forties.

AFTER gay marriage was legalized.

I knew I was bisexual in the 1970s, when I was still single-digit-aged, not a teenager.

I didn't dare tell her the truth about myself after that screaming match, until long after she'd been exposed to perfectly fine, perfectly sane people who were friends of the family who were gay, and lesbian, and bisexual.

She finally...finally...accepts that about me. And that I'm genderfluid. Finally.

I had to give up a friendship with someone I had known for years because my parents disagreed with pregnancy out of wedlock, and at the time I had zero way to support myself, so I had to live under their roof.

Imagine how much worse it would've been if I had told the full truth, instead of merely screaming for twenty minutes straight "--It's only a hypothetical question, Mother!!!" just to defend the fact it was the truth. (I'm not a lesbian, never have been, never will be. I'm not confused. I'm just bi.)

...Sometimes you just want your parents to be kind to you, to accept who you are, to watch you grow up and realize your sexuality has nothing to do with how good OR bad a person you are...and that they should still love & support & wish you well.

"We've all got to be fighting that fight every day."

Happy Pride, everyone...

[stariiuez]

HOLY SHIT I DIDN'T THINK YOU'D ACTUALLY POST THE AU RIGHT AWAY LMFAO (Raki here, I got to suffer for Sparfy's enjoyment where they forced me to read every bit of lore dump they had for the tpot au through our texts, it was a nightmare /silly)

Now asking time, you should give me little tidbit facts about them rn AND NO I DON'T MEAN THE STUFF YOU ALREADY GAVE ME NOR DO I MEAN ANY MAJOR LORE SHIT I need the sillys

BUT ALSO FUCK UH YOU SHOULD INFO DUMP ABOUT THE OTHER CHARACTERS IF YOU CAN TOO, I WAS ACTUALLY REALLY INVESTED IN X'S LORE, YOU BARELY TOUCHED THAT TOPIC AND I NEED CHARACTER INTERACTIONS AND PERSONALITIES STAT

From that one lesbian that you know and love obviously who else 😼

AHHDHD I HAD TO I WAS LIKE SO EXCITED I HAD TO GIVE TUMBLR FRONT ROW SEATS

well second row seats actually, you got first LMAO

BUT ERTUUFHSND I GOT SO MUCH UMMM ILL HAVE TO PICK THROUGH MY FAVORITES SO THIS DOESN'T GET TOO LONG DHHD

k get FLASHBANGED

★ Donut + One dynamics ★ (I'll refer to it as that cuz idk what I else I'd call it, info? opinions?? idk💔)

• One constantly needs to be around Donut as stated before (like spying on him when she's not around, or watching him sleep), even the little things. But she's also very,,, protective, we'll put it like that,, she doesn't like it when Donut spends too much time with other people that aren't her or if it doesn't include them. They're a little freak that gets pissed off when she doesn't have her way

• One does enjoy making meals for Donut, especially when he insists he can make himself something to eat or he's fine. Sometimes he worries if the food is poisoned.

• One is trying to not treat Donut as badly as she has before and she's relatively good at it! Though she SUCKS at it with other people

• Donut questions how he hasn't been murdered yet, as well as everyone else. Especially with how One is, while they do have high patience, as soon as that dam breaks One actually has severe anger issues (that's why her "room" is so tattered and messed up, she's destroyed it so many times out of frustration)

• One rarely ever takes off their bowtie and gets really pissy when Donut takes his off, that's why Donut barely ever has it off, let alone at all at this rate

• "WHY THE HELL ARE YOU ON THE CEILING??" "OHHH I just wanted to make sure you don't end up getting hurt or anything!" "WH- I'M JUST OPENING THE FREEZER???????"

• Donut is closest to Coiny, Pin and Barf Bag, those three being his best friends. One is skeptical and VERY distrusting but is "trying to be supportive"

• Most people are heavily monitored and or are under lock and key. Nobody really has power over One and are kind of just, afraid of her, and not able to do do much. One of the main reasons why no one has been brutally murdered or like snapped out of existence is because of Donut. He really doesn't wanna lose any more people

• Donut is trying so hard to play along with a lot of One's plans but finds it harder and harder to do so, especially with the amount of times he's had to nudge One back on the right track when said plans get too derailed (happens a lot more than you'd think...)

• "You didn't eat your eggs!" "There were shells in them..." "So? I spent MY OWN time making that for you when I could have done something else, be grateful-" "Okay okay sorry..."

• Donut is trying to find a way to save everyone and fix things back to the way they used to be, but that might be a long time before that happens.

• Donut DOES believe One can redeem themself, they just don't want to ("yet" is what Donut always says 🫡)

ONTO THE OTHER CHARACTERS!!! I'm gonna try and leave these relatively short and simple but still straight to the point without dropping TOO much story whrgehrhd

• X has in fact finally snapped, and they have killed/tried to kill multiple people as of now. They're basically being "babysat" by Seven or Six (or anyone else if they can)

• Gelatin tried to create a Evil Leafy army

• Leafy is basically a retired war veteran at this point

• Out of all of Donut's best friends, Coiny is the main focus when it comes to the story dhehgr

Might dump more serious and proper info stuff about the other characters (including already mentioned ones) at some point later in the future, but not much rn though as I just wanted to get this done and written and i'm so tired shhdhd

[justkenz]

Young lesbian needing help please!!

Me and my girlfriend have been dating for 9 months now and I love her more than anything. We met on Twitter years ago and, now, met in real life a bunch of times. I didn't have a problem with her friends except for two occasions which were very specific, but this one friend led to one of our longest fights and I'm now feeling like I'm too jealous even if most of my friends (and hers too) think I was right.

My girlfriend made a post on Twitter one day saying this friend, lets call her Peach, was the "only one who truly deeply knew her". I was quite shocked because she barely mentioned Peach to me and I didn't know anything about her like I know the friends she's closest to (I even became friends with her friends).

Obviously we had a huge fight that day and she said she didn't mean it like that. I let go because maybe it could've been just miswritten. But the next day I saw she didn't delete the post and I actually noticed the location on her Twitter profile was the miles between her house and Peach's house. I started noticing things about their friendship, like my girlfriend doing a countdown for the day where her and Peach would go out for the first time (back when we were only dating for a few months), posts calling Peach her home, Peach calling her "my love", etc. Talked to my girlfriend again and she took the location out of her profile, but said she didn't understand what I was jealous of – even if multiple of her friends she talked to agreed with me, some even came to talk to me about it.

A few days later multiple things happened: Peach insisting that they would meet when my girlfriend travelled to my state (which was this week), inviting my gf and ONLY my gf to a party with her friends (even tho my gf was staying at my house obv), posting a romantic song and tagging my gf, etc. Then I found out my girlfriend followed her private Instagram account and was even in her close friends on this acc, and she refused to unfollow when I asked her to.

Now, after a long fight in which I stated that I didn't like this girl and that I feel insecure with the way they act together, my gf unfollowed her in all social medias. But it very much only feels like she unfollowed bc she didn't want to fight me and not because she understands what's weird about doing all that with another girl that's not your girlfriend.

I need advice from other lesbians because while I know obviously women are gonna have close friendships with women, my gf doesn’t act like that with her other close friends and I never saw myself doing that with another girl either, even my closest friends. Am I too jealous?

Wow, that sounds like a lot is going on, and it must be emotionally exhausting.

I am so sorry you are going through that. I don't think you're being too jealous. The actions that they both are showing you would lead most people to think that there is more going on.

It sounds like your girlfriend and "peach" have some kind of close bond, but there are a few things that you mentioned that, for me, are a bit much between friends, especially when you have a significant other. Calling someone "my love," "my home", and "the only person who truly knows me" and tagging her in romantic songs, etc.. It just seems a bit more than friends.

It sounds like "peach" doesn't respect you or your relationship with your girlfriend, and unfortunately, that could be impacting your girlfriend's respect and commitment to your relationship. I obviously don't know everything, and her unfollowing "peach" on everything could be a good sign that your gf wants to work through this with you. Have you talked to each other since she unfollowed "peach"? And when you talk about how you are feeling about this relationship with her and "peach," does she seem to understand at all or is she blowing you off and making you seem like you are blowing things out of proportion. Have you asked if she has feelings for "peach"?

I really hope things work out for you and your gf and I hope you are hanging in there.

[neohiolesbian]

The Firefighter - First Date

What better inaugural post than about the person I dated that gave me the stories to want to make this blog?

I met K on Tinder (I know, but there aren't many options here). Immediately she was so sweet and flirty which I took very well to. It wasn't long after we started texting that we set up our first date.

Dinner and a movie. Simple, right? Summer 2023, we were going to see the Barbie Movie after going to dinner at her favorite Mexican place. I remember being so nervous because I thought she was so cool. K showed up riding a motorcycle, wearing a leather jacket, and I was smitten.

The food at this place was fantastic. It's been a long time now so I can't remember what we ate, but I have been back there since and it's always amazing. It was there, though, that I should've started noticing the red flags.

It started when she wanted to change the movie I had picked out. That's fine! She didn't want to see the Barbie Movie, I'm not one to force people into things. However there were many times she could have said so. But that was also the opening weekend for the newest Saw movie, Jigsaw, so I thought 'I love the Saw movies! Let's do it!'.

We went to the shopping center where the movie theater was and walked around for a while as we had at least an hour to kill before the 10p showing. K was so chivalrous, even now I think about it and want that in a partner. She would insist on opening doors for me and walking on the outside of the sidewalk closest to the road. Really made me feel like a special lady. She even walked me to my car at the restaurant and waited for me to get in and start it before going to her motorcycle.

So we see this movie, it's pretty good, we had a really good time with the story and gore, and I talked her through some of the elements of the movie that were part of the other movies in that series (they were a pretty big favorite of mine. Knowing this person would change that.) And once it was done, K again walked me to my car.

The date was over, but we did that thing I'm sure a lot of lesbians on first dates do. We lingered by my car, finding anything to talk about for just a few moments, waiting for the other to make a move. Then she asked me if I wanted a kiss.

Naturally I said yes. Of course I said yes! She was so cool and sweet, how could I not? But something to know about me, I do not have the most experience. Before that I had only ever been in one relationship which didn't even involve kissing. The only kisses I'd ever gotten were through games or this one kind of traumatizing New Year's party when I was 16 or 17. So my biggest problem was I didn't know how to go about it! And I was nervous. Beyond nervous! And I said so.

K nodded when I told her I wasn't sure what to do and took my hands in hers. She said "I want you to close your eyes and count backwards from 10." I began to count. When I got to 6, she kissed me.

I will think about that kiss forever.

All the way home I couldn't stop smiling. No one had ever made me feel like that before. Like... like I was special and desirable. Maybe that's why I ignored a lot of the issues going forward. I was chasing that feeling she gave me on our first date.

I never felt that way with K again.

[thelostgirl21]

Men are the reason I realized I'd just been raped in the first place.

All my women friends, when I'd described the "bad sexual experience I'd had" were, just like me, attempting to rationalize it.

They were trying to say things like "well, maybe he really likes porn, and thought that's how women genuinely like sex", "he might have believed your tastes were similar", "maybe in his country, women are..."

For context:

Rape trigger warning:

It was a man that I was working with and who had spent 6 months becoming a dear trusted friend and confident of mine, only to suddenly "shift gears" in bed, start becoming really aggressive and demeaning, etc.

And so, I got so utterly confused and paniqued, because each time I told him to slow down, he'd go "Oh! I know how you like it rough!", ignore me, and it just got worse and more painful. Your mind is struggling to understand what's going on, because you do love and trust him, and you did genuinely want to have sex with him before it started.

And suddenly, he becomes a completely different person you don't recognize, which makes him 100% unpredictable.

If you start actually asking him to stop, will he hit you? Kill you?

The survival instincts kick in, and you more or less decide to be as "docile" and "loving" as you possibly can, and to "keep him pleased and satisfied" with you, in the hopes of pacifying him.

I never once said "no", attempted to insist he stopped, or tried pushing him away. The moment I realised I had a complete stranger in bed, I did all I could to avoid setting him off.

End trigger warning.

But my friend - a boy I'd known and been really close to since I was 15 (I was 21 when it happened) - looked me in the eyes and said:

"You were raped. Listen to me very carefully: you were raped. I'm a man, and I can guarantee you that there is no way in Hell that asshole didn't sense or notice your discomfort! The way you are attempting to justify what happened right now is typical rape victim behavior, and there is absolutely zero doubt in my mind that this guy raped you. You are the closest thing I have to a sister, and if he was in front of me right now, I'd fucking kill him! "

I will forever be grateful to him for how immediate and deep his anger over what had happened to me was, how much hatred he had for the other guy, and the profound conviction of his words, because they hit me like a ton of bricks and seemingly gave me no other choice than to believe him!

Thanks to his intervention, I was able to stop feeling responsible for what had happened to me, shift the blame where it truly belonged, allow myself to get angry, and start healing.

As long as women (and non-binary folks) have been so conditioned to believe that we carry the responsibility for the violence that men do to us (i.e. that we are causing it to happen), and struggle with being able to recognize it when it happens, we need men standing firm against it and calling bullshit on members of their own gender attempting to normalize it.

Men are also victims of the patriarchy, some of them are fully aware of it, and many of them are strong, vocal advocates for tearing it all down and letting people be who they are, love who and what they love, etc.

In an ideal world, women and non-binary individuals should be able to talk for themselves, and have men listen and empathize with them when they do.

But the reality is that some men will only listen to other men. So, the more men actively reject patriarchy, embrace feminism, and get loud about its message in male dominated spaces, the more likely we are to change society.

Queer men always 100% belong in LGBTQ+ and queer spaces, it shouldn't even be an issue!

But I'm a panromantic demisexual pansexual genderless woman in a relationship with a cisgender straight guy.

If I go to Pride, or any other global LGBTQ+ gatherings where gay men and lesbian women are allowed to celebrate with their own partners, you better believe that I'm going to be there to celebrate with my own partner as well!

Our relationship is queer! Our love is queer! Just because one of us isn't queer doesn't mean that we aren't a very queer couple celebrating queer love together!

Those men who fiercely love us, respect us, support us, listen to us, witness our struggles, and share their lives with us are being immersed in our queer universe, and have chosen to embrace it alongside us!

Denying their contribution to our lives and our communities, and rejecting their love and support, is not the way for us to grow stronger and stop men violence against members of the LGBTQ+.

Monosexuals actively seeking to penalize bisexuals, pansexuals, omnisexuals, and polysexuals, because they fell in love with someone of a different gender than themselves, can suck and choke on it!

And if you go "it's fine if they are both bisexual, but a pansexual with a cisgender straight guy should leave the cis straight dude at home", screw you!

I shouldn't be punished and stripped of the right to celebrate love with the one I love because of "how queer or not" my partner is!

And if patriarchy is the only home some men have ever had and known, and we tell them "feminism doesn't want you! Stay away from us!", the only thing left for them to do is to cling to patriarchy with all their might to fucking survive, because it's the only space that remotely pretends to care about them!

We are keeping them trapped into a violent, toxic global "family system" that brainwashes them, and teaches them that everything outside of that family is a threat!

Then we go "You are inherently bad based on your gender alone, and no one loves nor wants you!", confirming that patriarchy is 100% right! It's the only system that will ever give them a right to exist and feel safe!

You are actively reinforcing and strengthening patriarchy by giving it the single most powerful tool it needs to keep growing and thriving: pushing men into a corner by yelling at them that they have no other options.

My queers, we really need to put the "no men" thing away. Men are not inherently bad. There are queer men. There are questioning men. There's men that are just plain cool. Denying these men a space at our table is not helping - except the TERFs. I just came off the back of reading a transphobe gleeful rant about the need to have pride without men - They of course mean me. This kind of stuff is damaging to me and I really need us all to take a step back and maybe kill this "men dni, men not allowed" stuff. What you mean is "no men who are going to do mean stuff to me." And frankly those men won't give a shit about that kind of boundary.

But I promise you there's a fleet of good honest men who will see that and be sad they're not allowed in your version of queer spaces.

PATRIARCHY is what you hate. Dni Patriarchs.

[scarlet-witchery]

Femslash February — Clothes Sharing

fem!gallavich, club kiss. (ao3)

(This one is a couple of days early and I know I've got others to backtrack and write, but I do what I want 💕)

@m4ndysk4nkovich @holymurdock @callivich @lovekenney @echosluvr

It started out as nothing. One day Ian looked over and realized that Mickey was wearing her shirt—an old Ramones shirt she'd gotten from Lip—and it made her force the smile off her face before Mickey saw it and called her an idiot for it. But it filled her with warmth for the rest of the day whenever she thought of how big it looked on Mickey after Ian had stretched out the shoulders. It was probably no big deal, of course—Mickey just grabbing the closest shirt she could find, and Debbie's clothes were too small for her—but it still felt nice. Like something girlfriends would do.

The second time was on Ian; she'd gotten up late after a long shift at the bar, grabbing around next to her bed for some clean clothes so she could take a shower. She'd been too tired to pay attention to what she'd picked up, and only realized it once she was getting dressed and noticed it was Mickey's underwear she'd pulled on. They didn't fit perfectly, a little big, but Ian…kinda enjoyed the idea of wearing them. So sue her. It made everything worth it when she walked past Mickey in nothing but a shirt and her panties, and Mickey did a double take.

“Think you got the wrong pair on there, Gallagher,” she said, after Ian watched her throat move in a very interesting way. Mickey's words were casual, but the look in her eyes was anything but.

“Well,” Ian said, feeling a little bravado come along, “You can always come take ‘em back, if you really want.”

For a moment she actually thought Mickey would do it; the other girl bit her bottom lip slightly, apparently unable to stop staring. Then she looked up at Ian with an unreadable expression. “Just make sure you wash those” was all she said, but it took her another moment to turn around and walk away.

After that, it became normal for them to steal clothes—they couldn't wear the same jeans, since Mickey was nearly a foot shorter than Ian, but shirts, pajamas, underwear…anything was fair game. One time Ian found that Mickey had even stolen one of her bras, which was hilarious since Mickey was far more gifted in that department than Ian. When she'd asked, Mickey had blushed something fierce and muttered about how she'd been in a hurry that morning. Ian couldn't help but kiss her into the pillow after that.

Ian had always loved the fact that Mickey was so small, and loved that she looked even smaller when she wore Ian's shirts that seemed to fall off her shoulder. It didn't look bad, either; like she was trying to pull some kind of devil may care bad girl punk look. Sometimes she'd steal Ian's hoodie to sleep in, and it would smell like Mickey for days afterwards—Ian would end up wearing it afterwards, just to feel like they were closer. It made her feel safe, protected; even when Mickey wasn't around, she could still feel her there.

One night when Ian was working—dodging sleazy drunk guys who had no idea they were barking up the wrong fucking tree—she was finally taking a break, and looked around for Mickey but couldn't find her. It wasn't the worst thing ever; she knew Mickey couldn't be there all the time, but it didn't stop Ian from feeling a little bit disappointed. She liked having Mickey around, especially when Ian was finished and they could go to the lesbian bar up the street from the club.

They never said anything about it, but she knew Mickey was feeling more…well, comfortable, being around other people like them. Maybe one day Ian would even get Mickey to kiss her there, where it was safe. Now that Mickey wasn't afraid to kiss her anymore, now that they were together in all the ways that Ian couldn't get before. Mickey still couldn't say it out loud, but they were making progress. Slow, slow progress.

By the end of her shift, Ian still hadn't seen Mickey, which was definitely unusual. Every night, without fail, Mickey came and walked home with her—partly so the patrons didn't do something they'd regret, and partly, Ian knew, so that Ian herself wouldn't run off again. Some people might find that kind of attention stifling, but Mickey Milkovich didn't care for many people. The fact that she'd do something like that for Ian spoke volumes.

Just as Ian had put on her street clothes—unfortunately her body glitter was gonna get all over this shirt and pants, but it couldn't be helped—she headed out the door, and immediately ran into Mickey, almost knocking the other girl over.

“Shit!” Ian exclaimed, catching Mickey before she faceplanted on the pavement. “I didn't think you were gonna show up.”

“I had to make a run with Iggy and Colin,” Mickey explained. “Then they wanted to stop and grab some fuckin’ food, things got outta hand, you know the drill.”

Ian nodded, staring at her shirt on Mickey. It was one of her cuter hand-me-downs from Fiona, a nice black blouse with long, off-shoulder sleeves. She knew there wasn't a chance in hell that Mickey had worn something like that while she was out with her brothers, either. Not to mention the nice jeans she had on—they were in decent shape, not full of rips and holes like she usually wore. They were even tucked into a pair of combat boots that didn't look like they'd been beaten all to hell. It was a nice picture all put together, and Ian wondered if Mickey had done that for her sake.

“That's my shirt,” Ian murmured against Mickey's hair. She leaned down to kiss her, but Mickey jerked back like a scared animal. Ian sighed, but didn't push just then. Outside of a strip club wasn't the best place, anyway, she knew that. But Mickey was still wearing her shirt.

“Yeah, so fuckin’ what?” Mickey said, scowling. The tough girl attitude didn't work on Ian anymore, it just made Mickey look even cuter than usual. She grabbed Mickey's hand and steered her toward their usual after work bar.

“Nothing,” said Ian. “I just like seeing you wear my clothes.”

They both had fake IDs, but the butch woman behind the bar didn't seem to give a shit, sliding a beer towards each of them without a word. Ian clinked their bottles together, which earned her an eye roll from Mickey. She looked away quickly but Ian could still see the hint of a smile on her face. Score for Ian Gallagher.

Soon Ian pulled Mickey towards the dance floor, which was about half full with women of different ages, all ranging from full femme to stone butch, dancing close with their partners. Mickey grumbled and stood there with a scowl on her face as Ian tried to get her to dance, but Mickey didn't budge. “I ain't dancin’, Gallagher—it just makes you look dumb as shit.”

“You'd rather me be grinding up on some blonde cougar?” Ian said with a laugh, which only got worse when she saw Mickey nearly pop a blood vessel in anger. “Relax, I'm not gonna do that. But dancing is fun. What's wrong with fun?”

“Nothin’, except some creepy dyke or sleazy dude is always tryin’ to make the moves on y-”

Ian couldn't help herself; she leaned in to kiss Mickey, but got shoved away. It just made her roll her eyes, because if there was any place they could be safe to kiss, it'd be this one. But Mickey had a look in her eyes like a deer caught in headlights. In the past, Ian may have been more forgiving, but now Mickey needed to step things up. Let go of this shit, actually start learning to live instead of just surviving. So now Ian leaned back, staring at Mickey, waiting for her to give in. She always did, in the end; these days Ian could get her to do just about anything, and it gave Ian a thrill every time.

Mickey's gaze darted across the room; no one was looking at them or paying any kind of attention. It felt like Ian had to coax a scared dog out from hiding—but Mickey was always worth the wait. After a while it did get a little frustrating, but Mickey finally glanced at Ian's lips, took a step forward, and brought their mouths together. Hell fucking yes.

Ian wrapped her arms firmly around Mickey, who reached up and cupped Ian's jaw with one hand. They kissed each other like they were drowning—and maybe they were; drowning in the lights and the music and the fact that Mickey was wearing Ian's shirt, had gotten herself all nice and pretty just for Ian's sake. It made Ian never want to let her go, and Mickey seemed just as determined to hold onto her like a lifeline. Mickey's skin was hot under Ian's hands; Ian felt her own stomach turning flips, heat building inside her from the desire she had for this girl in her arms. The whole world seemed to fall away, like they were the only two in the room despite being surrounded by other people.

Goddamn, but Ian wanted her like she'd never wanted anyone else. Feeling Mickey's soft hair between her fingers, watching her pale, delicate skin grow flush so easily; Ian just wanted to press her against a wall, keep Mickey pinned down while she did as she pleased. The way Mickey looked at her when they finally pulled apart made Ian think that Mickey might let her do just that.

“Fuck, Mick…” Ian murmured against Mickey's ear, feeling the shudder that went through the other girl's body. It made Ian grin. The things they did to each other…

“Ian-” Mickey started to say, but Ian cut her off with another, dizzying kiss. Talking could come later. Right now, all Ian wanted was her lips against Mickey's own, pressing their bodies as close together as they could get. Right now she wanted the world to disappear so they could hold on and never let go. Everything she knew and loved about Mickey raced through her mind, until it was the only thing she could think of.

“Dance with me and I'll kiss you again,” Ian said with a smirk. Mickey looked around again, then put her arms around Ian's waist with a stubborn glare. Ian grinned wider, kissing Mickey again, pulling her in to dance. This was perfect—she had Mickey and she felt amazing, riding high on the feelings like she was on a roller coaster. It still made her blood hot, too, seeing Mickey in her clothes. Ian wondered just what else of hers Mickey might be wearing. She definitely needed to find out.