#this is sad and this is scary and the numbers will tell you that people are cruel and hope has failed

[and-corn]

don’t ever forget that I love you and you matter

[pepperyduck]

deadbeat - toji fushiguro

synopsis: too stupid and selfish for anything good to happen.

word count: 3.6k

warnings: angst, toji is an ass, marriage problems, arguements, pregnancy, like two paragraphs of smut, rushed relationships, ooc toji (probably), really bad writing, a bunch of timeskips cuz i'm lazy. (18+ mdni!)

notes: yeah this one is ass but i just wanted to make something sad/angry. much love! send me requests i'm begging </3.

edit: you can find pt. 2 here.

masterlist

 toji sits on a random bench downtown. he’s thinking. he thinks he’s too self-absorbed. and he’s rude, too rude for anyone to befriend him in a genuine way. he wishes he could change. toji’s left everyone in his life behind at some point. he gets overwhelmed sometimes, seeing all the people around him that more than likely have someone or something that keeps them going.

what does toji have? nothing. and it’s his own fault, too. he only has a stubbornness to him that won’t let him die. his mind is the only thing that keeps him going.

and then he sees you.

you plop down on the same bench, not next to him, but only a few feet away, rummaging through your bag to find something. you’re determined, not focused on the big scary man next to you. but to toji; you’re the first person in years that has sat next to him. he stares at you, as you still search for that something in your bag – your keys, toji sees you grab your keys. you look back up, finding toji staring at you, and he doesn’t break the contact with his eyes, he only continues to stare.

“are…you okay…?” you ask the man, giving him an awkward smile, “i’m sorry if i bothered you.”

once you speak, toji shakes his head, “no, no…you’re fine. i was just thinking,” toji says. you notice his gruff tone, yeah, it fits the way he looks perfectly. he’s muscular, and has dark, dark hair that matches the midnight sky with no stars. there’s also a bored look on his face, his eyes stay half-lidded, and his mouth sits in a natural frown. but he’s handsome, you think. very handsome. but it’s almost in an unconventional way – the scarring on his lips and overall structure of his face is like none other you’ve seen before.

call it love at first sight, call it whatever you want. but you felt a certain need for this man.

“thinking about what?” you ask, in an attempt to talk to him.

toji shakes his head again, “nothing important.”

you think that he probably has no interest in you, maybe you really did catch him off guard when you sat down next to him. but toji is thinking about how he’s never seen anyone like you, too, and he’s never had anyone willingly sit next to him and try to conversate. he thinks he’s too intimidating, and he is, to pretty much anyone else.

but you – you don’t get that from him. all you see is a possibly lonely, pretty man.

“what’s your name?” you question him again, cocking your head to the side.

“mm…toji,” he says, hesitantly.

“toji…” you repeat after him, mentally repeating his name over and over as to not forget it. toji can’t peel his eyes away from your lips as you mouth his name a couple times, the way they perfectly made an “o” shape for the letter in his name.

“uhm,” toji croaks, an unfamiliar feeling of nervousness in his chest, “what’s your name?”

when you tell him your name, toji sighs in relief. he’d always found it hard to have normal conversations, outside of those he had for work purposes, but this…this wasn’t so hard. he hadn’t wished to meet someone again in forever. but he wished now that he would see you again, even if it was passing on the street. toji hangs his head down, not knowing what to say anymore. these are difficult, odd, never-visited-before feelings for him.

maybe it was love at first sight for him, too. he doesn’t really know. not yet, at least.

“toji,” you repeat his name once more, and he lifts his head to look at you, “can i have your number, or something?” if you wanted to catch toji off guard, now, this is the way to do it.

toji’s mouth drops open slightly, “uh- sure,” he mutters, and he’s unable to stare at you anymore. you hand him an old receipt and a pen you kept in your bag, and he tries his hardest to remember the number of his apartment phone.

eventually, he writes it down, and you notice his penmanship definitely needs some work. nonetheless, you smile at toji, this time more genuine rather than awkward, and tell him you have to get going. toji only stares once more as you walk away, disappearing into the crowded sidewalk, his eyes linger on you for as long as possible.

toji was lonely. so, so pathetically lonely until you showed up.

“would you want to, like…see each other again?” you ask a drunk toji over the phone. his phone cord is stretched all the way over the counter in his apartment to the couch, where he lazily laid, buzzed, and talking to you.

silence is heard on the other side of the phone for a couple seconds.

“…sure,” toji replies, and you don’t know, but he feels like he could throw up.

however, with you making all the plans, a “date” is finally planned in a couple of weeks. neither one of you is too sure what to call it. but by normal, societal standards, yes, you and him were going to go on a date.

you have phone conversations every so often as the remaining days pass. usually, it’s you calling him. that’s only because he thinks your life is too busy for someone like him. he doesn’t even know why someone like you is even talking to him.

toji will keep his insecurities under wraps for now, though. only for now.

he’s still very curious about you, though, and he wonders what makes him so curious. he’s still wondering when he walks into a bar – the one you proclaimed as your favorite – to see you on your so-called date. toji’s heart flutters for the first time in his life when he sees you. you’re already sat in one of the barstools, sipping on a mixed drink – and you are jaw-droppingly beautiful. toji doesn’t talk to you when he slides into the stool next to you.

you crane your neck to look at whoever just sat in the reserved seat, and it’s toji, not looking any differently from how you saw him a couple weeks ago. you don’t mind. he’s still attractive. you think he might just be the type that’s “unapologetically themselves.” and he is, but not in a way that makes people attracted to him.

“toji!” his name falls off your tongue so perfectly yet again, and you wrap your arms around his neck. he doesn’t hug you back, he only freezes slightly at your touch. again, you don’t mind. it’s painfully obvious he doesn’t do things like this often. you feel lucky he decided to show up in the first place.

as time ticks away, you begin to find out more about toji. he does have a sense of humor, it only takes some chipping away at his hard exterior and a few drinks for him to laugh along with you. he lives alone, and he’s honest about his job – he kills people for a living. that fact doesn’t intimidate you, it only explains why he is the way he is. he tells you a few minute details about his family life, too, and how he grew up.

nothing that he tells you scares you. it only makes sense to you. the pieces of his personality add up with the information he gives you. and silently, you thank him for explaining more about himself.

he just doesn’t want to be lonely anymore.

toji takes you back to his place that night. even the frugal décor – or lack thereof – makes sense to you. it’s a little humorous how everything fits so perfectly with his personality.

“fuck- toji!” you scream, arms shaking as you hold yourself up as toji pounds you from behind. you know you only met him a few weeks ago, and it’s bad to fuck on the first date, but you feel zero remorse with the current situation. his big, rough hands hold your hips in place, lewd, wet noises fill the air when you aren’t moaning for the man behind you. toji doesn’t pay mind to how loud you’re being – he only likes the fact you’re losing yourself because of him.

toji props his leg up on the bed, giving a new angle, and slams his hips forward to meet yours again. you feel him in the deepest parts of you, and god, he’s so warm, he makes your whole body heat up in a way you’ve never felt before. drool rolls out of your mouth, creating a small damp circle below your head. your eyes flash behind you. you see toji in all his glory – he’s actually got some emotion on his face now.

you fall asleep in toji’s bed that night.

toji prays you won’t just be a one-night stand – no, he won’t let you be a one-night stand. in toji’s mind, you’re his now.

in your mind, you are too.

a few weeks after your date, you call up toji, he notices the nervous tone in your voice, but doesn’t mention anything about it.

“toji…” you say, his name sounding so perfect once again, “toji…i’m pregnant.”

shit.

“what?” he sounds furious, and it makes you cower down, even in the comfort of your own home. you don’t repeat yourself. you know he heard you. “are you sure?” he frantically questions, slapping a hand to his forehead as he begins to sweat.

“i’ve been sick ever since our date…and all the tests i took are positive.” you whimper, not handling the news any better than toji. you want to cry and beg toji not to leave. “i’m sorry, toji,” you whisper.

“it’s…okay.” toji replies. he knows the fault lies with both of you, and the heat of the moment, and the fact that he was just so attracted to you he didn’t have time to control himself.

“i don’t know what to do,” you tell toji, tears rolling down your cheeks as you clench the phone in your hand even tighter.

“me either,” toji admits, “but…i’ll help you.” those are the only words he can think of to calm you down.

it’s going to be a sticky situation, no matter what. but you took a chance on toji, you overlooked everything wrong with him. it was now his time to return the favor.

he got his wish, though. you wouldn’t be able to go anywhere anytime soon.

toji hauls the last of your boxes into his apartment, throwing them down on the floor harder than needed.

“you have a lot of shit, woman,” he groans, wiping his forehead. you only giggle in return from your spot on the couch. he didn’t let you pick up any of the heavy boxes.

you spend the rest of the day unpacking all your clothes, completely overtaking toji’s closet with items of your own. all your things add a splash of color into toji’s space, and god knows he needs it. toji’s surprised someone can have so much stuff.

“what the hell is this?” toji asks, pulling something out of a box.

“it’s a curling iron, toji,” you reply as you roll your eyes.

by the time night comes, you’re successfully moved in with the father of your baby. empty boxes are broken down and laid by the door. you’re curled up next to toji on the couch, his arm is wrapped around you. it’s been around 3 months since your first encounter with toji downtown.

ever since you told him you were pregnant, he’s acted differently. he dotes on you, he makes sure you’re comfortable, he buys you meals because he’s clueless as to what else to buy you. toji didn’t think he had it in him. you still aren’t officially together — yet — but toji shows he has a care for you in small ways.

you’re still getting used to one another, though. you and toji differ from each other tremendously, but you have to find a way to make these things work. you show toji love, and he prefers to keep his feelings inside, showing love through him allowing you to touch him and be around him. he hasn’t allowed anyone to be this way with him before. nothing is ever long term with him.

he no longer has a choice now.

“toji,” you speak, “are we dating? are we together?” you ask.

the inquiry causes toji to furrow his eyebrows.

“why?” toji answers you with another question. you shrug.

“I just want to know,” you reply. toji shrugs.

“do you want to get married?” toji petitions.

you push yourself off toji, sitting up. you look at him, eyebrows knitted together, “what?” you almost sound the same as toji did when you told him you were pregnant. and again, the situation repeats itself. toji’s statement doesn’t recur. he knows you heard him.

toji looks at you, a sly grin on his scarred lips.

“okay,” you finally agree, “i’ll marry you, toji.”

love grows. loving someone can change you, for the better or for worse. love matures someone, it will make someone into something they once weren’t, or something they aren’t meant to be. love is beautiful. intimate, soft feelings swell inside of you in a way you cannot express.

you love toji. he loves you, too, you think.

“toji, let go of me,” you playfully giggle as you try to pry the man’s hands off your waist, “i have to cook!”

toji has his arms wrapped around you from behind, not too hard, of course, to make sure there is no damage done to the human you’re growing inside of you. he has no intentions of letting you go, despite your pleas. toji rests his head on your shoulder, kissing the crook of your neck and breathing your scent in.

“i love you.” toji whispers, a barely audible peep.

you’re taken aback for a moment. you understood long ago those words would probably never come out of his mouth; due to the rushed situation you lived in with him. but he was there with you, saying those three words that mean more than anything in this world.

“i love you too, toji,” you reply, now staying still as opposed to your earlier motions of trying to get away.

the both of you just stand there, so close, enveloped in each other’s presence. you haven’t shared a moment like this with him yet.

you crane your neck to plant a kiss on toji’s cheek, no longer fighting to get out of his grasp. you only turn yourself around and wrap your arms around his neck, encapsulating your husband in a deep hug. a hug that means more than anything that can be put into words.

that was the only time he said those words to you.

you’ve been married to toji for five and a half months. he’s a changed man, despite him still carrying the same cold demeanor as the same day you met. he’s proven to be a fine partner for you. you understand him more now, with the way he continues to keep you at arm’s length while also letting you in to his mind, expressing deep emotions whenever he was under the influence. he makes a promise to you that he won’t do anything to harm you or the baby, including with his job. he no longer wants to be put in danger, because it would put you and his baby in danger.

lonely he was no more. he had you, it was all he needed. toji felt that way for months. he would stay content and happy — although he never showed it — with you.

toji often spent his time thinking about you. he’s never had anyone like you in his life.

sometimes, love cannot change you entirely. the newness of it all wears out over time, that’s inevitable. but, it’s the choices you make along the way that show change.

all the while being a changed man, toji is still self-absorbed. he cannot run away from that fact.

 you’re 8 months pregnant. the past few nights, you’ve been alone at toji’s apartment, too pregnant and tired to do anything about it.

just as you’re about to call him up, toji opens the door and stumbles through, drunk as ever. you frown.

“where the hell have you been, toji?” you raise your voice, slowly getting up from the couch.

“why the hell does it matter?” toji retorts, anger in his voice. he wasn’t expecting you to be on his ass as soon as he walked through the door.

“you’ve been gone for three days!” you yell at him, “three whole days. you said you wouldn’t take on any more dangerous jobs!”

toji makes a tch sound with his teeth, “i wasn’t on a job.” he admits.

you look at toji, confused, “where were you?”

toji runs his fingers through his already disheveled hair, “gambling.”

he says it so nonchalantly, like he didn’t just spend half a week away from his pregnant wife gambling. toji had only mentioned gambling as a bad past habit. you didn’t think he did it anymore, but as soon as he admits it, you wonder if he spent all that time gambling instead of working. it would only make sense.

“what…?” you say, voice dropping to nothing more than a whisper. toji only shakes his head and walks off into the bedroom. you stare at him until he disappears.

for weeks after, you and toji continue to argue. your conversations turn into screaming battles until one of you gives up. most nights, toji sleeps on the couch. you slowly begin to realize that everything might have been a mistake.

there’s a reason he’s never had someone like you.

your arguments falter for a while at the arrival of your baby boy. he’s beautiful, a literal bundle of joy. toji takes the role of a father very seriously at first. he makes sure he’s taken care of while you spend a few days bedridden because of the birth. you love to watch toji through your bedroom door, while he holds the baby swaddled up as he cooks for you.

a glimmer of hope remains in your heart for your marriage.

toji joins you in bed that night, the baby safely tucked away in a small bassinet on your side of the bed. you’re wrapped in toji’s arms again. the world is right. you fall asleep to the sounds of your husband’s snores. it’s a feeling you haven’t had in a long time.

selfishness is a cruel disease.

a couple months after having your baby, you’re not so lonely, spending most of your time taking care of him. you become too busy and burnt out from being a parent that you don’t notice toji’s late nights again. he always joins you in bed, at some point, but at the end of the day you’re sleeping too soundly to notice the time.

slowly, the rekindled love begins to fade for toji. he’s never there, except for when the sun is down. once you’re able to stay awake past 9p.m., the nasty monster of arguments comes back at full force.

“shut the hell up, woman! you’re pissing me off!” toji yells. the baby is wailing in your bedroom, but you are too preoccupied with your husband to do anything.

“are you kidding me? you reek of cheap perfume,” you retort, voice matching the loudness of toji’s, “who the fuck were you with?”

“none of your goddamned business!” toji shouts, taking a step closer to tower over you. he does nothing to intimidate you. you were never scared of him, so why would you be now?

“it is my business, i’m your wife!” you reply to his remarks.

toji scoffs. he makes a decision quickly, not thinking about any repercussions. he points a finger towards the door.

“get the hell out.”

your face falls from anger into an expression that can only be described as heartbreak. your husband of almost – almost ­­– a year is kicking you out. toji’s face remains stern and cold, not a pang of regret for doing this to you.

thousands of questions run through your mind, painful silence falls over the room, and you can hear your baby screaming once more. no time is given to ask toji anything. and for once, you’re scared. not exactly scared of toji, but of the fact you don’t know how things are going to end up without him.

your shoulders relax. you look toji in the eyes, unable to hide your heartbreak, but overall, you decide to keep an unbothered façade.

indifference doesn’t matter to toji. neither does sadness, or anger.

it only takes you a few minutes to pack a bag with enough things for you and the baby. you do your best to calm him down before leaving. you walk over to the door, looking toji in the eyes once more, and for the first time, toji can see the rage in them. the rage that he caused.

“i hate you.”

you slam the door on your way out, a bag on one shoulder and the baby on your other side. you think about what toji was doing, but alas, you don’t really care. it only took a few minutes and a couple hundred hurtful words for toji to be dead to you.

toji watches from his window as you walk down the sidewalk, disappearing into the crowd with his son. he thinks about where you’re going, who you’ll stay with, and how his life will end up now that you’re more than likely gone for good.

he’s a lonely man again. he’s leaving behind someone else, yet again.

but, he doesn’t really care.

[a-small-safe-place]

New Addition

Platonic!Yandere Hannibal Lecter and Will Graham w/ Child!Reader

You knocked on the door of the large house Hannibal had picked out for him and Will to live in. It was out of the way from the town, so it was odd to receive a knock. Luckily, it was Will that answered rather than Hannibal. The other kids in town said the men who lived in this house liked to kidnap badly behaving girls and boys and eat them up like the witch in Hansel and Gretel. But this man didn’t seem scary. He seemed nice as he scolded their dogs for running out of the house.

“Hello, mister, I’m selling chocolate-covered pretzel sticks for my school and wanted to see if you would like to buy one?” You asked, trying to sound confident but sounding shaky instead. He didn’t seem to mind; he seemed happy you were there. “I happen to love chocolate-covered pretzels, but my husband thinks they are too simple to be a good treat. Let’s see what flavors you have.” He begins looking through the flavors you brought when his husband, Hannibal, silently walks up behind the other man. “Who is this?” He asks Will.

“Oh, this is… uh…” You stop him and introduce yourself and again explain why you are there. “This is quite a ways away from the town; surely you did not walk all the way here.” Hannibal questions. “No, sir, I rode my bike. I knew there were a few houses out this way, and I was determined to visit.”

Your determination pleases Hannibal but slightly concerns him. You’re an innocent child. You can’t be out riding your bike on these secluded roads. Will quits digging in the pretzel box, “I have to go get dog food anyway; I could bring you back to town. We will take the whole box of your pretzels since you came all this way out here.” Hannibal seems mildly annoyed by this. You remember that Will said Hannibal thinks they are too simple. Will leaves you alone with Hannibal to grab some cash. “Would you like to step inside? You’ll get sick out there.” Hannibal asks. You gratefully step in. “Your home is pretty.” You observe, earning a soft approving smile from Hannibal.

“Thank you, not many people your age appreciate style. Though you don’t seem like many people your age.” After he finishes talking, you try to stay quiet, and finally, Will returns, giving you the money for your entire box of pretzels. “Now I’m heading into town; would you like a ride?” Will offers. “Yes, please.” You tell him.

The ride back is quiet until he begins to talk. “Most kids avoid our house for their fundraisers. Do you know why?” You glance nervously, “I think it’s just too far.” It’s an obvious lie. “You don’t have to worry about being polite. I know there’s probably a crazy rumor about Hannibal and me.” You stay silent, but the silence is too loud to handle, “All the kids think you and Dr. Lecter like to kidnap and girls and boys and eat them up like the witch in Hansel and Gretel.”

“Well, maybe that’s why I needed all those sweet pretzels, so Dr. Lecter and I could finish building our cottage made of candy.” He seems a little sad at the revelation of this rumor. “I’m sorry; I shouldn’t have said anything.” He smiles and says, “Don’t worry about it. You could make it up to me by telling me how this rumor got started.”

“One of the boys that graduated high school last year told his little brother that he broke into your home on a dare and found human meat in the freezer, but he couldn’t go to the police because he was trespassing and he was high.” You finish explaining. Will smiles a bit, but it has a nervous edge this time, “Do you think we eat bad girls and boys?” You think about it, “no, because you had a bunch of times where you could have killed and eaten me.”

“Are you a bad kid?” Will asks teasingly. “I don’t know. I get in trouble sometimes. My house is in town away, in a trailer park.” Will knew which trailer park. It was “the bad part of town” he knew because he saw the crime statistics for that area and the number of times the cops are called out there. He had seen them the few times he and Hannibal helped with the local law. Hannibal had gotten close with the town’s political figures, and Will had basically been made into an honorary detective with the law enforcement. This town was corrupt to its core, but it was away from the prying eyes of the FBI, and it’s the only place Hannibal and Will could agree on geographically. Will’s only stipulation was that there were good places to fish.

Eventually, you make it to the trailer. Will waits until you make it inside. He cannot help but think about Abigail. He could have had a potential family with Hannibal if things had gone correctly. He was happy with Hannibal and the dogs, but something about you made him want more.

Weeks pass, and he does not bring the topic up to Hannibal. Little did he know Hannibal had been keeping an extra close eye on you. He did it under the guise of getting more pretzels for Will and then special ordering one of the unique flavors that you did not have so he could come back around to "check on the order." Will finds this all out when you see him in the store and give him the order Hannibal had placed.

"That kid from the other day gave me the order you placed," Will says placing the box on the table. "I thought you hated junk food."

"I do; they were a surprise for you. You seem to have taken a liking to the child." Hannibal observes. "They're a good kid. They kind of remind me of Abigail." The room becomes silent for a second too long. Hannibal hates it when Will brings up Abigail. "You seem to like the kid too. You went out of your way to find them to order the pretzels when there were plenty of easier options to order from." Hannibal knows he has been caught.

"They're a well-behaved child, very polite. Like Abigail." Hannibal says somewhat pointedly. "Have you thought about us expanding our family? Not with another dog, but with a human?" Hannibal asks before Will has time to respond to the first statement.

"I hadn't, and then that kid came knocking at the door, and since then, it is all I can think about. But I don't want any kid. Our kid from the trailer park seems to be the best fit; it has to be them." Will explains, hoping that Hannibal will understand.

"Then so be it; they will be our child for us to protect," Hannibal says as if this is a normal conversation.

As the two men begin to work on a plan to add you to their family, their fatherly love for you grows more into fatherly obsession. You're their kid; no one gets to hurt you. Once you're safe and comfortable in their home, no one but them will get to be around you until they know you love them just as much. Hannibal wastes no time putting your room together with all of your favorite things. They were going to make your room the same way it is in the trailer until Hannibal saw the state of your room and became disgusted by the idea of that kind of room being in his expensive house.

Will tries to make a plan to make your transition to their house easier. He finds all kinds of games and activities you are sure to love, even the ones that Hannibal is convinced are bad for your growing brain.

[cottonlemonade]

Haunted House

word count: 883 || avg. reading time: 3 mins.

pairing: Sakusa x chubby!Reader

genre: fluff, established relationship

warnings: none

request: watching Nightmare Before Christmas with some caramel popcorn dressed as a witch with Sakusa || fluffy, going to a Haunted House with boyfriend Sakusa

Going to the Halloween Fair was a tradition that no amount of annoyed sighs and fake pleading glances from your boyfriend could derail.

You loved October and marked the occasion in your calendar well in advance.

Under a lot of protest and promises of watching horror movies with him only to pick them apart for their inaccuracies, Sakusa - black mask securely in place - eventually piled into the car with your friends. It wasn‘t as if he didn‘t like them but he liked them a whole lot less when they were loudly singing along to Spooky Scary Skeletons on your way to the fair.

As soon as you made it through the entrance, discussing which you wanted to hit first - the snack stand or seeing if you could persuade Sakusa to rent a couple's costume with you, someone ran towards you and skidded to a halt.

“Y/n! Good that you‘re here! We‘re one person short for the haunted house!“

“Huh!?“ Your eyes widened - during your high school days, you helped out every year with the fair all the way from ticket ripper to face painting. Being a monster in the haunted house was an honor and when you were finally appointed zombie number 4 for the first time, you raced home to call Sakusa with the amazing news.

“I‘m here with someone.“, you frowned apologetically, pulling your boyfriend closer for emphasis. He raised his hand to greet as if necessary.

“Please, we’re desperate! And you don’t have to do it all night. If you could just stall for an hour until the substitute makes it here…”

You met Sakusa’s eyes who tried to read your expression for if you wanted him to play the bad guy and tell you no or if you wanted support. It seemed like the latter.

“One hour isn’t too bad.”, he said in a low tone with a slight shrug, “I’ll just look around what other things we can do and make a list for when you’re done.”

“You sure?”

He nodded.

You got on your tiptoes to give him a kiss on the cheek and then left with a sad theatrical wave as though taking to the high seas.

Luckily, the costume for your necessary character was very loose to begin with. Playing a classic Japanese ghost, you needed a white flowy dress and a wig of long straight black hair. Minus the wig and unappetizing makeup though, the dress was a lot more fitted on your much chubbier figure. You turned in the dirty mirror in the second corridor of the house, thinking this outfit would definitely not be out of place at a summer garden party, but it was the best you could do under the circumstances. You just had to dial up the creepiness. One by one you made people scream in terror and run panicked to the next room. Proudly, you cleared your throat and went to the break room after half an hour for a quick sip of water - wheezing, screeching, and chasing after guests really took a lot out of a person. As you gulped down the soothingly cold drink you spotted your boyfriend amongst your group of friends, clearly having been dragged to join a round at the haunted house and excitement bubbled in your chest. Sakusa was not easily spooked. The closest to scared you had ever seen him was when he spotted a bug sitting menacingly on your living room coffee table during the summer when the screen door was open.

The most terrifying thing for him about this experience would be getting close to people - you chuckled at the thought and an idea formed in your head. You grabbed a little spray bottle with water from the prop pile on the table and returned to your post.

Most of your friends didn’t recognize you while you made them run for the hills. Your best friend went “hi Y/n”, gave you a high five, and moved on. Before she left she informed you that Sakusa was not far behind.

You pressed yourself with hunched shoulders into the blind spot close to the entering door and waited.

You heard the next guest enter and when he passed you in the half-darkness you identified the black curls and broad tall frame in an instant. The giddiness almost made you dizzy. Sakusa stood still for a moment, most likely letting his eyes adjust before pushing forward. In those precious few seconds, you snuck up behind him and, just like earlier, stood on your tiptoes, bringing your lips close to his ear, spray bottle raised. Channeling all your acting skills you imitated a loud wet sneeze, spritzing a bit of water on his neck at the same time.

If you’d had to guess, you wouldn’t have said that Sakusa’s screams would be this high-pitched. Nor that he jumped so high into the air that he knocked down a plastic spider with his head.

All professionalism left your body and you doubled over, wheezing with laughter. Your boyfriend clutched his chest and breathed heavily on the opposite wall. “Oh you think this is funny?”, he pressed out, making you only snort and cackle even more. “Just you wait!” You yelped in delight as he chased you down the corridor for his revenge.

art: @oknbird on Twitter

a/n: request for @liquidcatt

Thank you so much for the request! This was so much fun to write 🌟 I hope you enjoyed it! 🫶🏻

[shysuccubusstuff]

day 1: primal + werewolf! sylus

Content: werewolf! sylus + foul language + primal! kink + size difference + breeding kink + unreal descriptions.

Word count: 2226 words.

Note: This is the first day of kinktober, I'll try to make them one by one!!

You had already been dating each other for around six months, and despite what some people said, your relationship remained just as good as the first month, with Sylus pampering you as if he had been born just for you. He waited for you after class, walking you home even if it was barely a fifteen-minute walk. Other times, when you told him you were feeling stressed, he took you out to dinner, letting you choose whatever you felt like eating and always paying for you, as according to him, he had invited you, so why would you pay for what he wanted to do?

Sometimes, you were not able to shake that strange feeling, the one that made you extremely anxious, after all, Sylus was well-known all over university for his looks, with girls flocking around him and asking him for his phone number or to hang out with him. How could you not feel a bit anxious when most girls were drooling over him while giving you the meanest looks? Of course, this (nasty/embarrassing) behaviour stopped as soon as Sylus gave them some piece of mind, with Luke and Kieran doing some background research of each of the classmates that had been trying to get to you by making your stuff disappear or by telling you some of the nastiest rumours that were running around of him.

Sadly, this little daydream came to an end on the cold night of Halloween, both of you had chosen to meet to have dinner and watch some scary films after it, just enjoying each other’s company, a normal couple date idea, right?

So when Sylus suddenly decided to cancel last minute, you were able to clearly tell that something important must had happened to him, so despite how much he tried to get you to avoid going to his house, you had already set your mind on that.

At around 9pm, the time both of you were supposed to meet, there you were, with your cute costume of a naughty wolf and your furrowed brows as you knocked at his door for several minutes. Sylus was trying to act stubborn? Well, two can play this game, so you stayed there for over ten minutes, your skin getting colder as the time went on. Luckily for you, Sylus was no longer able to keep a blind eye to his precious girlfriend dying of cold, so he finally opened the door. His face was flushed, hair wet and with his chest completely naked.

“Thought I told you not to come, little… puppy.” He looked at your disguise with an amused expression, touching the wolf ears softly as he chuckled. “Come on in, I suppose it’s no use hiding it anymore.” He moved to the side, letting you enter his house for the first time ever.

“I’m freezing Sylus… you were so mean leaving me outside…” You tried to get him to pamper you, and despite he looked at you like a sad puppy, doubting on whether to keep his distance or just forget about that important thing he had to say and throw himself at you. He was still doubting when you already lost all your patience, throwing yourself on his arms, forcing him to take you on his arms, his nails carving a bit into your skin.

“I need to tell you something, it’s related to why I couldn’t meet you today.” His face was completely serious as he let you sit on the sofa, taking a blanket and covering you as if you were some kind of burrito. “I… I am a werewolf, that’s why I didn’t want to have a date with you today, tonight is a blood moon and I didn't want you to see me like that, especially since you weren’t aware yet, I would completely understand if you chose to treat me as if I am crazy or if you want to break up with me.”

The silence filled the room, making Sylus feel even more flustered, did he look just as if he was in a weird edgy time? Just as he lifted his gaze, he saw your smiling face.

“And… that’s all? I mean, I thought you may had found a prettier girl for tonight…” Your hands were a bit shaky as you said that, as despite how much you believed on him, the great amount of rumours were difficult to simply ignore. But before you were able to tell him to just forget about what you said, his hands surrounded yours, tightening their grip as he kissed your fingers.

“I don’t want anyone other than you… that weird fame of me leaving a girl each week was created by me so I could avoid meeting any other girl that was not you…” His eyes looked away in embarrassment, wasn’t Halloween supposed to be filled with scary stuff? Cause it seemed as if he was just feeling more and more ashamed as the night kept progressing. “I know it’s a bad timing, but I really think you should go before the moon is completely uncovered, I don’t know what I might do when I’m not that in control of my urges.” Despite his warning tone, you were barely able to contain your excitement, I mean, your hot boyfriend was not only extremely handsome, but also a werewolf? You laughed, petting his hair while you smiled at him, “Oh come on, Sylus, if you wanted to postpone the date, you could have simply told me, silly! No need to make weird excuses like that.” Sylus’ hands caressed yours, his eyes looking down to your lovely face.

“I’m serious, kitten, this is really not the time to play.” You moved away, running to his room as an attempt to get him distracted. Sylus’ voice became barely a whisper as you kept running, you decided to hide inside the closet, holding your breath as you heard him get closer, the pressure building up as you heard him enter the room.

“Now, kitten, enough with these little games, I’m serious, I don’t want to… hurt you.” His voice sounded deeper than before, maybe it was just your imagination, right? Just as you were about to relax, Sylus quickly opened the door of the closet, his eyes glowing under the pale moonlight that entered through the window. “I told you… Told you to leave cause I didn’t want you to get hurt, are you trying to rile me up? Playing this little game of hide and seek… want me to ravish you like some little bunny? Treat you like my prey...” His hands got closer to you, cold as ice as he caressed your cheeks with his eyes filled of hunger. “Will you let me take advantage of you, sweetie? You’re still in time to make a run for it and let me explain it to you another time.” He moved a bit, just enough to let you flee, even despite his claws were damaging the poor closet.

You could see how surprised Sylus was when you suddenly hugged his waist, pressing your face against his chest and rubbing your face against his chest. “I don’t want you to hide anything from me… we’re lovers, right?” Just as you lifted your gaze, you met with his, eyes completely clouded with lust, he lowered his hands, carefully surrounding your waist as he got closer so he could kiss your lips.

“Just know that you were the one that riled me up… I won’t stop until tomorrow.” Your words weren’t able to leave your mouth, as he pulled you closer, giving you a desperate kiss, leaving you breathless as he pulled away. He lifted you over with a single arm, letting you on his bed as he tried to calm down. “I’m sorry if I’m too rough with you.” Without leaving you to answer, he suddenly got on top of you, getting rid of his shirt and throwing  it around the room, his hands then moving to the feeble top you were wearing, without much force, he ripped it in half, throwing the cloth to the floor. His mouth started to spread kisses all over your body, biting your neck as a way to mark you, sucking on the skin and letting himself be intoxicated by your scent. One of his hands drifted to your chest, playing with one of your nipples while he kept kissing your neck. He then went down, kissing your chest and sucking on your nipples while his other hand played with the other nipple, twisting it and pinching them with just enough force to make you whimper. As soon as he noticed that you were already riled up, he knelt on the floor, pulling you closer to him, his hands once again going straight to the flimsy skirt that you were wearing tugging from it and leaving you with just your lacy underwear. Your hands tried to push against him, gripping his shoulders and trying to get him to do it more slowly, face flushed from the shame you felt as he was able to see everything from there. “Thought lovers didn’t hide anything from each other.” He didn’t let you complain, as your underwear was quickly yanked and threw to the ground.

Sylus moved his face to your lower half, burying his face in between your legs and passing his warm tongue over your lower lips, then starting to suck on your clit while his fingers kept stroking your inner thighs. He kept sucking and lapping on your fluids, not stopping despite your shaky hands were trying to pull him away from your sensitive cunt.

It took over 15 minutes for him to let you take a small break, your legs trembling as he finally let go of them, he walked up to the same closet in which you had been hiding, taking a small bottle of lube and returning to you with it. “I won’t be able to prep you with my hands like this.” He showed his nails, which seemed to resemble the claws of a wolf. Immediately after that, he got rid of his pants and underwear, letting them on the floor and taking a bottle of lube from his table, then getting on top of you once more. “I can’t wait any longer.” He opened the bottle, putting the lube all over his shaft, although it had a different… shape. It was bigger than usual, a knot at the base being barely visible for now. He poured the lube all over your entrance, starting to rub against it as if he was in heat, letting grunts and pants escape his mouth as his hands gripped the sheets. He started to insert the tip slowly, his face tensing while he bit his lip as a poor attempt of keeping himself from being too rough with you. “I’m sorry, I’m really reaching my limit right now… Don’t blame me tomorrow.”

Sylus suddenly trusted, entering what was left of his length in a single stroke, your nails scratched his back, you were barely able to let a whimper out as he hit your cervix. Tears swelling on your eyes as you tried to adjust to him. His hands cleaned the fat tears that were forming, his lips pressing against yours as he started to move his hips at a slow pace. Sylus tried to keep you still as you kept whimpering as he started to speed up, his hips trusting you while your hands pressed against his stomach as a half-hearted effort to get him to slow down a bit. Not like it really mattered, as his trusts only got rougher, the grunts becoming louder as he got closer to his own release, his tongue ravishing your mouth as you tried to catch a break.

“Don’t run away, I need to make sure everyone knows who you belong to.” His hands held onto your waist, moving you on top of him and facing him, his hands moving you up and down as if you were just a little plaything on his hands, eyes rolling each time he hit that sweet spot inside you. “Come on, cum all over me, let me fill you up yeah? I’ll make such a good father, gonna breed you just right, I’ll make sure to keep you nice and full each single day…” Sylus’ words completely flushed you, although it wasn’t like you were able to do much more than try to not pass out as his tip made you whimper and moan each time he bottomed out. It was just soon after when you suddenly felt something warm filling you up, his cock twitching as he kept you pressed against his abdomen avoiding any chance of you squirming. Your hands gripped against his broad back, biting his shoulder as you kept being brimmed. “How… how long do you plan to keep on cumming?” Tears were rolling down your cheeks as you felt the base of his cock started to inflate, making sure not even a single drop left your insides.

“I’m sorry, kitten… Promise I’ll make it up to you.” Sylus smiled at you as his hips started to slowly move, trying to stop you from complaining as he kept peppering kisses all over your cheeks.

… I guess it was a happy Halloween indeed.

[midnightsnyx]

girl at home | mat barzal | part 2

pairing: mat barzal x fem!reader summary: you’re eighteen when you find yourself pregnant after Mat leaves for hockey. nearly eight years later, Mat finds out about your daughter and you have to deal with the consequences of not telling him about her.

warnings: mentions of pregnancy, lil bit of angst with a sprinkle of fluff and not edited im sorry lol word count: 2.1k authors note: *screams internally* thank you guys so much for the love on this story so far. I was super hesitant to post it at first but I am glad you guys like it! I'm posting this a little early but updates will be every sunday from now on. This chapter is kinda sad but happy times are on the way <3 thanks for the feedback, and if you like part 2, let me know!

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Sitting across from Mat for the first time in almost eight years, doesn’t go exactly as planned. He’s waiting for you even though you arrive fifteen minutes before the agreed time, hoping to rid yourself of the anxiety you are feeling which means he’s been here even longer. So you wipe your sweaty palms on your jeans and stride over to where he’s waiting and sit on the chair across from him. He’s staring at his phone so his head jerks up when he hears you.

The first words that come out of his mouth are: “are you sure she’s mine?”

Which, okay, that’s a fair question because you did tell everybody and their grandmother who asked that Mat was not the one who knocked you up. Of course, nobody actually believed you but there were a few people from your high school that believed it. Most girls who had always had a crush on Mat, would say that you cheated on him and obviously Nora couldn’t be his child because for some reason, they never actually accepted that you and Mat were a couple. 

So yeah, his question is fair and you did know he would ask. 

“Yeah, we can do a paternity test if you don’t believe me,” you say quietly. It’s not something you necessarily want to do, because then you’d have to come up with some reason to tell Nora why she needs to go get her cheek swabbed or blood tested. She’s as stubborn as Mat, and you would probably have to hold her down to get whatever the doctors needed unless she agreed. 

“No, I believe you.” 

His words take a huge weight off your shoulders but also replace it with a new one. You know Mat, he’s the kindest soul and has the biggest heart and he’s going to want to at least properly meet Nora and might ask to be in her life. In the first few years of her life, there wouldn’t have been anything you wanted more in the world. However, you’ve grown now and so has she. Your number one priority has to be what is best for Nora, and turning her life upside by introducing her to Mat is scary. For both you and her. 

And Mat? Despite what he might think, he’s nowhere near prepared to jump into being her dad.

“Can I ask you something?” he says, pulling you from your spiraling thoughts. 

“Sure,” you say even though you know what he’s going to ask. It’s a question you’re nowhere near ready to answer but you have no choice now.

“Why? Why didn’t you tell me about her?”

He doesn’t sound as angry as you were expecting, maybe thanks to his dad talking to him but there’s underlying hurt. You try to put yourself in his shoes, trying to think if there was anything in the world that would have stopped you from wanting Nora. You know for a fact that if Mat knew, he would have been in her life somehow but you’re not sure if he would have given up the NHL to do it, and that’s exactly why you didn’t tell him.

“I didn’t want to hold you back,” you say softly, watching his facial expression change. He just looked confused before but now he looks sad almost. His eyes close for a moment and when he opens them, you feel like you’ve been punched in the stomach. 

“I thought you knew me better than that.”

“I did! I do,” you argue. “If you knew about her, it would have kept you away from everything you worked hard for. Your dream was the NHL, Mat. If I told you about her, it would’ve crushed that dream. We didn’t want to hold you back.”

“Yeah,” he scoffs. “Who’s we? You and my parents? You shouldn’t have made that choice for me, it wasn’t right.”

“This is a child we’re talking about Mat. Were you really ready at eighteen to drop everything and raise one?” 

“Were you?”

“No,” you say truthfully. “But I didn’t have a jersey with my name on the back waiting for me.”

He doesn’t say anything and for a moment, it’s silent between the two of you with background chatter from the cafe. You’re sure that he’s just going to get up and storm out but he takes a deep breath and slowly exhales, knotting his fingers together.

“I wish you’d told me,” he mumbles before looking up at you. “I would’ve stayed.”

“I know,” you whisper but you can’t meet his gaze.

. . .

You’re picking Nora up from her day camp a couple of days later when you get a message from Mat asking if he can meet up with you. There’s been no contact since the two of you last met, having left with a short goodbye to pick up Nora. He hadn’t asked to see her and you hadn’t offered so you thought maybe he would leave it but you should’ve known better.

You fire off a sure, see you in twenty, and debate on whether to bring Nora with you or drop her off with your mom. Mat might not even want to see her, but if he’s reaching out to you again it’s probably about her. 

“Wanna go meet my friend?” you ask, looking back at her to gauge her reaction. She might just want to go home after all day at camp, but she perks up immediately when you ask.

“The one from the grocery store?” she squeals but narrows her eyes and gives you a suspicious look. “Hey, I thought you said he was a stranger.”

Shoot.

“Well, he was to you,” you try to explain. “I knew him when I was younger.”

“As young as me?”

“As young as you,” you tell her and she grins, nodding her head and shouting an excited yes, so you pull out of the parking-lot and start towards Mat’s parents house. You’re a little nervous to be around his family after dancing around them for so long after Nora was born. Meeting up with Liana wasn’t as hard as you were expecting, but you’re not so sure about his parents. Aside from the occasional awkward greeting, you haven’t properly spoken to them since before Nora and you’re starting to think maybe bringing her will just make things worse but before you can change your mind, you’re parking your car in the driveway. 

He’s sitting outside on the porch swing when you step out, and his eyes widen in surprise when Nora climbs out of the car. He definitely wasn’t expecting you to bring her but this could be a good test. If he decides he wants to be part of her life, having all their interactions scheduled wouldn’t be a good start so you decide to just jump in the deep end.

“Hey,” you call out before grabbing Nora’s hand and making your way towards him. He’s already making his way down the pathway and meets you about half way, pulling you into a surprising hug before crouching down to Nora’s level.

“Hey Nora,” he says, smiling gently and offering her his hand to shake just like last time. “Do you remember me?”

She bobs her head once, accepting his hand but tries to hide her face in your leg. Of course now, she’s practicing Stranger Danger, instead of blurting out her full name. 

“Mom made dinner, if you guys are hungry?” 

Family dinner is just about the last thing you want to do but Nora perks up at the idea of food so you agree, following Mat into the all too familiar home you spent so much time in as a kid. Not much has changed, you realize as you look around the foyer. It feels a bit like coming home but you’re not sure if you were missed. 

“Smells good,” you say, trying to make conversation and Mat smiles awkwardly. 

“Yeah, mom is making your favorite.” 

How she can remember your favorite meal is beyond you, but you’re not about to miss a peace offering and this is certainly one.

“My favorite food is spaghetti,” Nora informs him and you watch Mat nod seriously, taking in anything she says. You try not to look too deep into it because even though he knows she’s biologically his, Nora is still just a cute kid talking a mile a minute about anything and Mat has probably been trained on how to handle excited children. 

When the three of you make your way to the living room, with Nora still chatting excitedly, you stop short when you see a picture frame on the wall. 

It’s you. Well, it’s you and Mat at graduation. Arms wrapped around each other and Mat kissing your forehead. If you look close enough, you can see past your smile and see the sadness in your eyes. This was before you were pregnant but you were already grieving the loss of Mat. He left for hockey shortly after and your only reminder was the brown haired little girl still talking to Mat. 

“Is that you, mama?” Nora asks suddenly, standing on the tips of her toes so she can get a better view. Her nose scrunches up and she looks at the photo, then Mat, and then the photo again.

“Oh,” she says and you sigh.��

“Let’s go see Mat’s parents.”

Nadia and Mike are waiting in the kitchen, trying to make it seem like they weren’t listening in on the conversation. Liana is sitting at the table, reading a book casually but you know she was probably listening too.

“This is Mike, Nadia, and Liana,” you tell Nora who lights up at Nadia’s name.

“My middle name is Nadia!” She squeals and you stare at the floor, not wanting to meet any of their eyes. Someone - probably Nadia - inhales sharply and then lets out what sounds like a sob. 

“That’s a beautiful name,” Liana says and you look up to see her looking at Nora with a soft smile on her face. Mike has an arm wrapped around Nadia who’s trying, and failing, to hide tears. You’re glad Liana is trying to distract Nora because you’re about two seconds away from crying and Mat must be able to tell because you feel his hand lightly touch your back. His hand lingers for a moment until you take a deep breath and blow it out steadily. 

Then his hand is gone and you feel the loss right away.

“Hey, we have a swing outside in the backyard,” Mat tells Nora. “Wanna go check it out while dinner finishes cooking?” 

He looks at you for permission so you nod, smiling at Nora when he takes her hand and leads her outside. Liana follows shortly after and then it’s just you, Nadia and Mike. Both their eyes are red rimmed and Nadia only hesitates for a moment before striding over and pulling you into a tight hug. 

“Thank you, my girl,” she whispers and all you can manage is a nod because you’ll probably cry now if you try to talk. The two of you just stand there for a couple minutes until Mike chuckles. You pull away, wiping your eyes to see him standing in front of the patio door so you make your way over to see what he’s looking at and almost start crying again. 

Mat and Nora are playing what looks like a game of tag, Liana laughing at them while trying to film. It’s exactly the kind of thing you had sometimes allowed yourself to imagine.

“Would you look at that,” Mike says softly. 

“He’s a natural,” Nadia agrees. “Always was.”

Then she turns to you with a small smile on her face. “I know the struggles of being a mom. You have to do what’s best for your kids…” she hesitates, gazing outside before looking back at you. “He wants to try, if you’ll give him the chance. We’d all love to get to know Nora.”

You would love nothing more than to have Mat’s family in Nora’s life. For her to get to know her other grandparents but you can’t help but be scared of what could happen if you let Mat into her life. She could get attached only to have him ripped away when he has to go back to New York but you can’t have Nora in Nadia, Mike, and Liana’s life and not Mat’s. 

But maybe you owe it to Mat, to give him a chance at having a place in her life after not telling him about her all this time. You were doing what you thought was right - what was right - but if Mat really wants to be part of her life, maybe it’s time. 

You look outside and see Nora on Mat’s shoulders with Liana chasing them, before looking back at the woman in front of you and smiling softly.

“I think Nora would love that.”

tag list: @dasiysthings

[spaceshipellie]

everything’s about you to me

ellie williams x reader

chapter one: things have changed

masterlist for other chapters (prologue) *✧･ﾟ: wc: 3.3k

summary: in the midst of the apocalypse, you and ellie find each other after you’ve both lost everything. what started out as a mere safety in numbers pairing, turns into something imperishable. however, after some time you get separated, leaving you both to believe the other is dead. four years later you find a commune in wyoming.

warnings: violence, mentions of guns and knives, killing infected and people, reader and ellie are both 19, 18+ mdni

author’s note: guys it’s going to get sad before it gets happy OOPS but i hope you enjoy chapter one! let me know what you think, comments & reblogs are always appreciated <3

♪ ‘cause the world could be burning, and all i’d be thinking, is “how are you doing, baby?”

˚ · • . ° .

You scraped your spoon along the bottom of the can, trying to get every last bit of food out of it. The air was cold and lonely as you sat cross-legged on the hard ground, leaves rustling each time you moved your foot trying to ease the pins and needles. The sky was dark slate and the wind whispered eerily through the treetops.

For the past month you had lucked out with living in a desolate bungalow in a rural part of Missouri. It was rundown and musty like all buildings were, with blood stains you couldn’t get out and broken windows you had to board up with wood, but it was a luxury in comparison to a lot of places. You had had a mattress to sleep on and there had been two sleeping bags stuffed down the back of the wardrobe. You imagined someone had hid them there for safe keeping but had never made it back home.

This cosy living situation was no more, however, as yesterday you had returned from a supply run to find the place ransacked. You had approached the building slowly and silently as soon as you had seen that the front door was open. You gripped your machete firmly in one hand, the other ghosting at your hip over the pistol in your holster. Judging by the open door and the knocked over cabinet in the entry way you assumed you would be dealing with people, not infected. You carefully stepped inside, keeping alert on all doors and windows around you. Your head snapped towards the sound of something falling into a bathtub.

You made your way across the room, glancing inside the open bedroom door as you passed. It was empty from what you could see but that didn’t mean you were going to let your guard down any time soon. You stood close to the wall, right outside the bathroom door, thinking the best thing to do was to wait until they came out and catch them off guard.

It had been three years since you had left the Pittsburgh QZ. You often thought about your dad and the way he sacrificed himself to let you live. In the beginning you cried a lot, the tears seemed to run without your control. Now, you didn’t necessarily feel any less sad, but you had learnt to deal with it. Your relationship with him had become strained when he started smuggling. It had turned him into something aggressive and scary. You could tell he tried not to be like that around you but when every corner of your life is threatening, it was hard not to be.

Living in a QZ didn’t eliminate you from having seen people die, tortured, hung, and beaten, but it wasn’t the same as out here. In there it was almost controlled, if you followed the rules you were fine. Here it was just a free for all. Any naivety you once had about killing infected and killing people was gone. You had always been a fast learner and now you understood why your parents had always pushed you to learn survival skills and how to fight.

You didn’t always get it then, when you were younger and had the security of the QZ, but you got it now and you could do it. Survive and fight. You had to, the only alternative was dying or losing your mind to this bloodthirsty disease.

You hated to dwell because if you did you would cry, and crying now only reminded you of how soft and gentle you still could be. It felt like there wasn't a place for that anymore, the world only demanded fear and violence. Your mom had always told you that you should never lose your heart or your head. Yes, you needed to be practical and make tough decisions but what was the point in that if you had lost hope and something to live for.

“You’ll be a shell of a person,” she would say and you would reiterate.

“That can never happen as long as i have you around to remind me.”

Then she would smile and you would feel safe, even if it was just in that moment. But as your shoulder pressed against the cracked wall, breath still and hands steady, your heart was pounding. Come on you fucker, you thought, get out.

As if by command, the doorknob slowly began to turn. You prepared yourself to grab them or swipe them with your machete when the door swung open. You jumped and you tried to swallow the scream that was coming out.

“Mom! Jesus fucking Christ, I could have killed you.”

“Shh,” she slapped a hand over your mouth and whispered, “they might still be here.”

You nodded, not daring to speak and you noticed her grip her knife. she pointed towards the open front door and you followed her lead. You could now hear distant voices but couldn’t make out what they were saying. You locked eyes with your mom before she peered around the doorway. She held up three fingers to indicate how many people she could see.

“Stay here,” she mouthed. You shook your head in confusion. She gave you a ‘promise me’ look before slipping out through the door. You held your position but prepared yourself to step in at any point. You flinched when you heard a squelch and a grunt. One down. The sputtering sound of a jugular being split open came next. That’s two.

You heard a male sounding grunt before hearing one that you knew was your mom. You poked your head round the door and saw a man with his arm wrapped tightly around her neck. Her hands scraped at his bandaged skin to try and pull him off. Your eyes immediately then darted down to her blood soaked knife on the ground and the gun the man had pointed at her head. You were automatically up on your feet, hand ripping your pistol out and firing it at the man’s head.

He went down and your mom fell to her knees, catching her breath. It didn’t take her long to recover her senses though and she grabbed her knife back and also reached for a gun, immediately firing it at a person you couldn't see as they were around the corner of the house. She kept firing and you used the corner of the wall as a shield before firing shots also. More people were encroaching and you could see they had at least one truck with them, probably full of ammo and supplies.

“There’s too many, let’s move,” your mom yelled.

You both started to sprint in the opposite direction past the front of the house, hoping that it would bide you a second of time before the group came around the corner. You didn’t even stop to fire anymore shots, you were just hellbent on getting out of there. Your heavy backpack thudded on your back as you ran, sharp corners of various items prodding you with the impact.

“Down here,” you called out and swerved around a clump of thick trees, hoping they would lose sight of you. Your legs ran you through to a wooded area and you didn’t stop until you were convinced you had lost them and felt like your body was ready to vomit up a lung. You bent over, hands resting on your knees as you tried to catch your breath.

“You okay?” your voice came out hoarse.

“Yeah, yeah,” your mom, clearly struggling to breathe also, chucked the words out as if she could barely understand what she was saying.

Your mouth was insanely dry, your tongue felt tacky as it hit the roof of your mouth. You pulled a water bottle out of your bag and took a sip before offering it to your mom, who gladly accepted.

“We’re gonna have to ration this,” she said, twisting the cap back on. You huffed in acknowledgment. You had a couple tins of food and bottles of water between you, but not much. Most of it was dead and gone back in the bungalow. Which is why you were now, the next evening, sitting on the forest floor, scraping that stupid tin of beans for everything it was worth.

“Fucking raiders,” you grumbled, throwing the can to the ground.

“We’ll find somewhere else,” your mom tried to reassure you.

You grumbled but nodded, wanting to make sure the reassurance was appreciated. The last three years had been hard. Your mind often wandered back to that night you escaped. The way your body went stone cold at the guard’s voice. The noise of the everlasting gunshots still felt like shards of glass passing through your ears. The sight of the first lot of sticky blood soaking your dad’s shirt whilst he still stood tall and ready made you feel sick. Nothing in the world can ever prepare you for losing a loved one so suddenly. Nothing else compares to that invasive reminder that your life is so fragile. How can someone be there one minute and not the next.

“It’ll be okay,” your mom must have noticed the wide spacy look in your eye as she put a hand over yours.

“Nothing ever seems okay.”

“We’re still here, aren't we?”

“Yeah but…” you then realised you were nearly in tears as you sniffled.

“Oh honey,” your mum said, moving to sit closer beside you and she pulled you in tight, rubbing your arm. You could feel her heartbeat against your cheek.

“I miss dad, I miss my room, I miss Amy, I miss everything…I’m just so tired.”

“I know, sweetheart. Me too.”

“I just–why,” you wept, “why did he have to…we could all still be together.”

She started stroking your hair, letting you continue.

“It hurts too much to think about. I wish I could forget.”

In the pause before your mom spoke you could hear how she was fighting to hold back sobs.

“Oh I’m so sorry. so so sorry.”

“What for?”

“For not protecting you like I should have.”

“Mom–”

“No, I should have tried harder to keep you safe and I’m sorry I couldn’t do that for you.”

“You’ve always protected me,” your throat hurt to speak, “I wouldn't be here if it wasn’t for you.”

Hot tears trickled down her neck and one wedged itself between where your skin pressed against her chest.

“I’ll always look after you, baby.”

You held each other for a while. The bitter air pinched your hands so you wiggled your fingers to reignite some life. Pulling away, you and your mom shared a soft smile. Even during the worst times, you were always able to put a smile on each other’s faces. If you were being completely honest, it was the main thing that had kept you going all this time. No matter how bad it got, all you had to do was look up and she was there.

“I’ll take the first watch,” you said.

“You sure?”

“Yes, get some sleep.”

“Okay,” she said softly, “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

You watched as she pushed around at her backpack, trying to make it acceptable enough to use as a pillow. You didn’t have any sleeping bags or blankets now and despite it being cold it wasn’t dangerously so. Your layers of a long sleeve top underneath a t-shirt, jeans, jacket and converses would have to do. Besides, it wasn’t the first and wouldn’t be the last time you’d have to sleep like this.

You leaned against a tree, knees bent, knife in hand. Your eyes travelled up to the glowing moon. When every other aspect of the world was rapid and formidable, capable of drastic change at any point, something consistent and pure like the moon was a precious thing. You couldn’t count on much, but you could count on it being there every night, shining like everything was fine.

Your mom shook you awake the next morning after she had taken the second watch. You blinked a few times and rubbed your neck which felt stiff as you sat up. considering your lack of supplies, you both agreed it was a good idea to go in search of some and keep moving, hopefully you would be able to find a safe-ish place to camp out.

You had lived in that bungalow for long enough to know the area. That did mean that you had scavenged all the nearby supplies already but at least you knew which direction to head in to get out of these woods and far away from the raiders. Your feet hurt as you trudged along.

You walked for miles before eventually finding a diner off the side of the road. You hadn’t found many supplies along the way but you had found a baseball bat covered in nails beside an already dead infected. You both approached the diner slowly, in preparation for anything you might come up against. Sure enough, you heard that familiar wail.

“Sounds like there’s infected in there,” you said quietly.

“Only sounds like one or two, we’ll be okay,” your mom assured.

You readied yourself with your weapons and moved closer to the door. It was made of glass and you could clearly see two runners in there. Studying the size of the diner you thought it would be best to open the door and draw them outside to kill them, giving yourself a wider space to move in. Perfect, you thought as you saw an abandoned coke bottle on the ground. You picked it up and eased the door open, praying it didn’t make too much noise. You then threw the bottle away from the door and ran a few steps back, listening to the screech they made as they sprung to life by the noise. The direction you had thrown the bottle in meant their backs were to you so you and your mom could sneak up behind and stealth kill them. You grabbed the bat and swung it at one of their heads meanwhile your mom took out the other.

“See? easy,” your mom laughed.

“Sure,” you laughed too.

You both made your way towards the diner and rummaged through every last crevice for signs of supplies. You managed to find some tape and a few bullets. Not much but not bad, you thought and stuffed them in your bag. The diner’s decor was mostly red and white. The red masking the smears of blood on the walls and the white highlighting it as clear as day. A crumpled, dusty menu laid on the counter and you picked it up.

“Hmm, $7 for a burger, and an extra dollar if you want cheese,” you scoffed, scanning the menu, “all the food in the world and you had to pay for it.”

“Yeah, I’d pay $20 for a cheeseburger right now,” your mom quipped, scanning the counter for anything else that might be useful.

You put the menu back and opened a cupboard that was situated above your head on the wall. A clutter of silver pots and pans fell out, your hands desperately trying to catch them but they all hit the floor with a shrill bang. a clicking noise followed.

“Oh no,” you breathed.

You barely had any time to process what was about to happen when three clickers burst through the diner door. You quickly made an attempt to distance yourself as much as possible, reaching for a gun and firing at one of them. It hit but it didn’t stop coming. You heard your mom firing her gun also but you didn’t dare take your eyes off the two coming for you. You fired again and it thrashed but still wasn't dead. Your heart was pounding and with a clammy hand you grabbed a sugar bowl and threw it at a far away wall. All three clickers snapped and huddled to the sound of smashing china. You made a run for the door grabbing your mom’s arm as you did so.

In the haste, her bag got stuck on the door. She yanked it free but the seconds lost meant that the clickers were attracted to your presence again. You both ran behind a car, hoping the extra distance would make them lose you, but it didn’t. You both fired your guns and one eventually dropped dead. You noticed your mom pick up a rock and throw it at one of them, stunning it, hopefully giving her enough time to kill it but the slight distraction meant the other had a chance to grab you.

“Fuck!” you screamed, using every piece of strength you had to hold it off, its gnawing yellow teeth only centimetres away from your face. Your back was pressing into the side of the car. You couldn’t reach for any kind of weapon because it would kill you before you managed to. Your eyes squeezed shut thinking any second now your skin would be ripped apart when suddenly the weight of it disappeared, followed by silence. You hesitantly opened your eyes, expecting to see your mom but instead you saw a girl with blood splattered across her face and a dead clicker at your feet.

“I–um, thank you,” you couldn’t string a sentence together as you took in the sight before you.

“Are you okay?” your mom rushed to you, hands cupping your face, “are you hurt?”

“No, I’m fine, I think,” you mumbled in shock.

Your mom moved to your side and you looked up at the girl who was wiping her cheek with the back of her hand. She looked about your age and had a full backpack, accompanied by a bow, a shotgun, a pistol, a metal crowbar and a switchblade which seemed to be what she had just used as she was wiping it on her jeans.

“Thank you,” you said again, not sure if your words earlier had even been coherent.

“It’s,” she waved her hand in dismissal, “no big deal.”

It very much was a big deal, you thought. This stranger had just saved your life. But she didn’t seem like the type to accept too many pleasantries so you left it. There was a moment of awkward silence. What now? Do you give her your name? Do you part ways? It looked like she was on her own which made you feel sad, despite not knowing anything about her. Then your mom introduced herself.

“Ellie,” the girl said in return, eyes looking back and forth between you and your mom, who nudged your arm.

“Y/n,” you said.

“Are you by yourself?” your mom asked. Ellie paused before answering, scratching the back of her head.

“Um, yeah I am.”

Your mom looked at you but you couldn’t detect what look it was that she had on her face. You furrowed your eyebrows at her before she turned her attention back to Ellie.

“Did you want to come with us?”

Ellie looked a bit taken aback by the offer.

“Where are you going?”

“Nowhere,” your mom shrugged, “anywhere we can.”

Ellie nodded to herself, clearly weighing up her options. That’s the thing about this life, you didn’t have many.

“Okay,” she finally said.

“Great,” your mom smiled warmly at her. Normally she wasn’t this trusting and you found it strange that she seemed to let her guard down around Ellie so quickly. But then Ellie had just saved her daughter’s life so your mom probably assumed she wasn’t the rampaging murderous type.

Ellie looked over at you and you realised you hadn’t said anything. you gave her a small smile and it was the first time you’d properly studied her face. Freckles fell across her cheeks like stars and the softness of it contrasted with the cut in her eyebrow and bruise on her cheek. You also couldn’t help but notice a bandage on her right forearm.

“We better move,” your mom gestured, “let’s keep going this way.”

taglist *✧･ﾟ: @bellasfavelesbo @ximtiredx @abbyily @heartzjules @gold-dustwomxn @sawaagyapong @aouiaa @pinkigirl @nil-eena @ucannotcompare @cherriesxinthespring @blvebanisters @lonelyfooryouonly @ellieslegalwife @carmellie @iheartgeto @faceache111 @lveunoialv @jajsnjz @simpforellie @frickfrack-paddywack-ukulel-blog @unicycl @cass00x @lizziee-williamss1

i’m not comfortable tagging ageless blogs incase you’re a minor so if you wanted to be tagged and weren’t, that’s why.

[lihhelsing]

I hate you (don't leave me)

Written (belatedly) for the last day of @steddieangstyaugust

Day 31: "I'm not going to beg you to love me." CW: Angst. Unhappy Ending. Post break-up Steddie. Steddie | Angst | T&Up | 700 words

(Listen, I was in a mood of writing something sad for the sake of it and that's what I did. Don't say I didn't warn you)

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Eddie couldn't stay. He knew that. Robin had informed him of that when she told him he could come. 

"You can come. But you absolutely cannot stay," she said on a static filled call at three am. 

Eddie was desperate when he called her. He was at a party and had to find the closest phone. He dialed the only number he knew by heart hoping he would pick up, but he got Robin instead.

It figured, her being there. 

"Thank you," he said to her but she had just hung up on him. 

And now he was here. In Steve's living room, watching him as he tried his hardest not to cry. It made Eddie's insides twist.

"Will you stay?" Steve asked, voice so fucking small it punched a hole in his chest. 

"I..." Eddie started, voice faltering. "I can't stay, Stevie. I'm sorry." 

Steve's face fell and Eddie knew what it came after. The anger. The rage. 

"Fuck you. You can't just show up here whenever and keep breaking my heart," he spitted and Eddie flinched.

"I know. I'm sorry. I just needed to get the rest of my shit so I can leave you alone for good." 

Steve let out a mean laugh. If he had set his things on fire, Eddie wouldn't blame him. 

Leaving Steve had been the hardest thing Eddie had ever done. He didn't want to, but it was his only shot. His chance at finally making it. 

And he needed to make it. He needed to have something that he could call his, otherwise he would just resent him forever. 

And then, they wouldn't make it. 

But he thought... he hoped Steve would understand. Eddie wasn't saying that they would never be together again, just that he needed to do this for him.

Just this one thing.

It was safe to say Steve didn't take it very well. It was a nasty fight. One that ended with Steve throwing Eddie's things on the street, right along with him.

It ended with so much heartbreak Eddie was still recovering. And it ended with them, standing in front of each other with nothing to say. 

"Stevie, I'm really sorry," Eddie said and he could feel the void taking over. He could feel Steve checking out of their conversation because he was done. He was done with Eddie for good.

"You're not. You made a decision and you didn't consult me on that. And that's fine, Eddie. It really is. I don't know how many times I can keep telling you this." 

"It's not fine," Eddie said, trying for something even if he didn't know what. Steve was angry and upset, and it was all Eddie's fault.

"No. It's not. But the time to be sad about it has passed and I'm done being sad about you. But please, stop apologizing just because you want to feel better about yourself." 

Was that what he was trying to do? He was sorry. Maybe he could've handled things a little better. But he couldn't possibly ask Steve to leave his life behind so Eddie could follow a dumb dream. Steve had so many people that counted on him. That loved him. 

"It's ok if you don't believe me," he said, sighing. This was a lost battle, and he knew it. "But I am sorry. The last thing I wanted was to hurt you." 

Steve's eyes sparked with something different and scary and Eddie knew he had crossed a line. 

"Funny you say that. You did hurt me but not because you left. Just because you let me believe you loved me. And I know... Listen, Eddie. I'm not going to beg you to love me. And it's fine that you don't. Just... leave." 

Eddie wanted to argue. He wanted to take Steve's face in his hands and he wanted to tell him just how much he loved him. How that was as far from the problem as it could be. But Steve seemed so fragile right now that Eddie wasn't sure that was the right move. 

In fact, he knew it wasn't. Steve was used to people leaving. And he already accepted Eddie was going to leave because he didn't love him and he knew there was nothing he could do to change that. Not right now. Not without starting a war with Buckley. 

So he nodded, feeling his heart shattering to pieces inside of him as he walked away from Steve. For good. 

[suratan-zir]

Very personal post.

A lot of relationship talk, might make you nauseous.

Oversharing because I felt like it?

Today is our 10-year anniversary of marriage. 10.10 is the date, and 10 years - so many tens. Ten years ago, in a small, very sad-looking building in Donetsk, under the sounds of artillery mixed with the sounds of Mendelssohn's march, which the smiling employee turned on for "special atmosphere," we put our signatures on a piece of paper and kissed, because we were told to. (I would never kiss in public otherwise.) We wanted to get married before all the government structures got captured by the russian terrorists, so that we could still get Ukrainian documents, not just a worthless piece of paper.

We both were wearing t-shirts and jeans. I felt miserable. He was happy. And now, looking back at that day, I'm happy too. In two days, it will also be the anniversary of our relationship - 12 years. We met when we were both 17, at uni. It's crazy how just one person can change your life. I was studying that profession only because of one person. And that's why I met my husband. If not for me, he probably wouldn't have the career he has right now, he wouldn't even be in this field. But if not for him, I literally wouldn't be alive by now.

We make each other better. And we have this "shared brain" where we not only finish each other's sentences, but there is no need for sentences at all. It's like he reads my mind. Sometimes, it's even scary. That's what you get when you lock two kids in a horrible, tiny, moldy apartment and throw some traumatic events at them. It's a bond stronger than we can even understand. We've been living together for almost 12 years, I don't think I can process this number.

People were telling us we were moving too fast. And they were right, it was too fast. We moved in together after two months, only because we wanted to get away from our families. The first two years, we were arguing non-stop over nothing. But it turns out, if you stick around and have patience, everything works out eventually. We haven't had a real fight in years.

What were even the odds of finding someone as asocial as I am, who would love to either stay inside all week or go with me to roam the swamps and valleys? What are the odds of finding a guy who would spend half an hour trying to get the perfect shot of a frog? Yes, these are the main qualities I look for in a man. (just joking... probably) The guy who, during a high tide, would wade over a kilometer of water with me and then swim over 150 meters, following me to the opposite bank just to see what's in there.

He doesn't play the sims or Stardew Valley. Nobody's perfect, I suppose.

[darkspellmaster]

I wanted to ask if you think that our!Ciel have feelings for Lizzy since childhood? He was always watching her from afar along with Real!Ciel. It seems that in childhood Our!Ciel and Lizzy didn't convived too much compared to the other twin.

Short answer: Yes! Totally!

Long Answer: So, for the Book of Murder Yana wrote a manga chapter that had the characters playing up the part of a number of fairy tale characters, while Sir. Arthur is being drawn through them via a dream. O!Ciel at one point is seen as Red Riding Hood, with his wolves (the servants, minus Snake), and then later, He's playing the part of Kai while Lizzie is Gerta from the Hans Christian Anderson story the Snow Queen.

Now, there's a commonality between Kai and Ciel. Both boys watched their close friend/the person they liked, though the window of their home, where they saw them among roses. In O!Ciel's case it was watching from the window in the house, or while sitting with his mother, Edward, et all, while R!Ciel played with Lizzie in the garden with roses. For Kai he was seeing Gerta playing at the window sill across the way by the flowerbox that was in her grandmother's home.

Going over the flashbacks not only in the Blue Memory arc, but Lizzie's memory, shows that, O!Ciel was always watching her and smiling when she was around. He used to play with them when he was four, until the asthma kicked in. It seems like he enjoys spending time with her, such as when she's talking to him about how he's feeling. Also when he sees them playing O!Ciel seems to be happy to see her happy.

That leads up to the fact that Kai and Ciel ended up with a devil's shard in their eyes. In the Snow Queen a mirror is made by the devil to see the darkness in people's hearts. it get shattered because he tried to send it up to heaven, (don't ask why its not really explained), and one of the pieces ended up in Kai's right eye. Notice, same eye as the seal with Ciel, and Kai's heart. Then the snow Queen comes, and takes Kai away to her castle.

In the chapter Sebastian is the Snow King in this case, who has made O!Ciel's heart cold and given him the splinter in the eye. He tells Lizzie, who is Gerda in the story, that he wanted her to stay by the roses and be happy. And what do we see when we see Lizzie playing with R!Ciel, she's usually in the garden, or associated with roses. Not only due to her being an English Rose, but also with all the significance of how both beautiful and deadly that flower can be.

It feels like the chapter is trying to hint at how he felt as a child, and, if you know the story of the Snow Queen you know that by the end of it Gerda does save Kai with her love of him, helping him to spell the word eternity, and the snow Queen lets them go, and it shows that in the time they were away the two had grown up.

The reason I bring all of this up is this is one of the few times, we get something from O!Ciel describing his view of Lizzie, "I wanted you to stay by the window sill with the blooming roses." Meaning he wanted her to be happy." It's something that Ciel seems to show throughout the series, even at the start.

He has a dance party with her, let's her put stuffed toys on him, sleeps peacefully when she's around, is one of the few people other than Soma that he lets touch him, seemed very much happy when she converses with him, and so forth. He even smiles when she's leaving being so happy that he's willing to go and do some sort of date with her when she gets back from her transatlantic trip. Ciel and Lizzie are growing up, slowly to be sure, but there are enough hints both in the main story and the flash backs, especially Ciel's confession on never saying Lizzy was scary.

Now did he realize he had feeling for her back then? Probably not, but I think that he felt something for her, since he seemed sad when she rushed over to his brother, and he thought she didn't want to talk with him.

Honestly re reading the chapters of Blue Memory made me also notice that R!Ciel brushes her off a lot. O!Ciel says he should go out and play with Lizzie, R!Ciel would rather spend time with his brother. Lizzie wants to play and he's like, well I have to study, which understandable, but the way he says it. "Well it can't be helped..."

Even in the present he basically told her, without directly saying it. "Great, I used you for what I needed you for. You can go home now Lizzie. Our play date was fun, but I wanna spend all my time with my little brother so shoo."

I know this is probably meandering, and I hope it makes some sense. But yes, I highly suspect that O!Ciel probably had feelings for Lizzie, though as a child it was probably more along the lines of caring for her and strongly wanting to spend time with her, but it's grown into love over the years. So that's my thoughts on it. Hope this makes sense!

[ofallthingsnasty]

Ah, but being a party girl... Getting to your late 20s/early 30s, feeling that shift within you; knowing that hey, this can't go on forever... Starting something light with Crocodile, maybe aiming for a little fun in the spring, just someone proper to take you out for dinners and to warm your bed - testing the waters, so to speak. You want to settle down soon, just not right now, just want to see how it is as an item. He's handsome, has a certain air to him and a lot of money to spend - so why not?

tw.minors dni, a little dark twist at the end bc it's crocodile 🤭

Of course, you butter him up. He's right at that age where his type of man gets a little wistful, would like to have a wife, a house, maybe a kid if it's in the cards, still? Twenty-some years of 50 hour weeks will do that to you, will show you that your body doesn't just bounce back like so when you step over a certain threshold. Well, he wants someone to put a ring on; you want some fun - so, selfish as you are, you play along. Humor him. Hang off his arm and entertain those silly thoughts of his - a vacation together, moving in with him after the summer's done (because well, why not smile and nod when you'll be long gone by then), pointedly ignoring the way he keeps burying you in expensive gifts. You should feel bad, the guilt should probably eat you alive, because as the weeks pass you can tell that he's really, really smitten with you while you're secretly texting some other guy your age when you return home from yet another chic Italian restaurant-

It's such a sad thing, really. He'll make some other woman stupid happy, especially if she's been yearning for a rich husband; he's the perfect example of the broody, grumbly type who mumbles on and on about her expensive taste but would rather die than NOT to buy her exactly what she wants. There is a certain appeal to him (or else you wouldn't have spent this much time with him) and he'll be just fine after licking wounds once you're gone, you're sure of it. It's definitely nice to have someone around who is serious about you - after years and years of boyfriends (emphasis on boy) who were only good for long nights of drinking and summer vacations, you feel spoiled and terribly grown to have a handsome man downright worship you, to plan a future with you after such little time. He's committed and doesn't play around. Yes, you think, you could get used to this, but you still need a few more years of being free before you'll let yourself be tied down - because as much as it is flattering, it can also be a little scary. The thought of you in a white gown and a matching ring on your finger in just a year is making you antsy; and with how fast he's moving he might just want to opt for a December wedding.

So you do what you do best: smile, kiss him goodbye after yet another lovely date and- ghost him. You avoid his neighborhood for a few weeks, go private on all your socials, block his number, duck away whenever you see that telltale black shock of hair that is dragging smoke behind it, act like he never existed. And it works, as it always does.

At least that's what you think. Because the one night you finally dare to venture out again ends abruptly and with you waking up in an unfamiliar room. You can barely lift your hand to rub your tired eyes because suddenly there is a weight on it and a familiar face is staring you down solemly from the bedside, that all too familiar smell of cigars all around you. Turns out, leaders of crime syndicates who operate behind the innocent fronts of bussinesmen don't like to be deceived and made a fool of, especially by naive little playgirls who think they're smarter than the rest of the world and when they weren't even able to glean that there was more to the person they chose to goad. And spoiled brats like you need to learn not to toy with other people's hearts and egos, both of which are dangerously fragile. You reeled him in with promises of marriage and love and that's exactly what you'll give him now, just without all the luxury that you could have had if you hadn't been dishonest from the start.

Time to grow up, princess.

[brunhielda]

Because this is becoming THAT blog-

The one where I review old movies we all have already seen, but I personally, have not seen for years until recently.

I just watched “An American Tale.”

If you were a child of the 90s, you just thought- “There are No Cats in America 🎶? THAT American Tale?”

Yes.

If you had that thought, you likely already know. If you have not had the absolute joy- buckle up. I am going to rant about a classic.

First of all- This is Don Bluth.

His movies do not get worse with age.

They get BETTER.

And American Tale is example number ONE.

No, it is not fond memories or nostalgia glasses, you can breath, and then go treat yourself to a viewing.

Secondly- the man did not dumb down or sanitize his history.

He said “I’m going to tell the immigrant story” and then opened with a fucking ethnic cleansing.

I said what I said.

The movie is set in the early Russian Empire, a time full of anti-Semitic sentiment and enforced laws, also seen in “Fiddler on the Roof.” Fiddler on the roof might actually be tamer on the subject.

Every other historical note in this movie is on point and easy enough to look up in a history book, if you have the common sense to realize that names have been altered.

The Statue of Liberty was not built by a pigeon, for example. It was built by a Frenchman. (Frederic Auguste Bartholdi).

I don’t know of an “honest John,” but I did guffaw out loud when he started taking names of the dead at funerals to add to his vote count. Ghost votes were very real, one of the reasons people are still so twitchy about voter fraud today.

I do not recall a moment in 1886 when the minorities of New York managed to run off prominate members of authority… but with how on point everything else is? It would not shock me.

Thirdly- Bluth DID NOT FLINCH

I don’t remember who said it first, but both Bluth and Spielberg had a belief that you could put very sad and scary things in children’s films, as long as the ending was happy.

This movie has multiple nightmare moments. Cats, monster waves, more cats, bugs and fish, and of course, the horrifying “Mouse of Minsk” (iykyk).

The thing is, it’s not even how they are drawn. Like, yes, the image is scary, but it’s the storytelling around it. It’s the lighting change. The soundtrack. The horrific sound effects. Seriously- whoever did foley on this film deserves all the awards- you make me scared of the kitty kats, and I LOVE cats. 🐈

Some people will question whether or not it is appropriate for small children. I would say maybe wait until they are six, and watch it with them, but they should watch scary things if they can. Being scared in appropriately safe space teaches you how to react to fear and handle moments when you are scared in real life. It is my major argument for Halloween. But each parent has to do as they think is best for each individual child. In any case, watch this one first before showing it to your kids- definitely more scary than you remember.

Finally- the animation on this film is a national treasure. I honestly hope this film is in the Library of Congress collection.

There are animation techniques here that don’t exist anymore.

Sparks. Sparkles. Glimmers. Stars in the Night Sky. Smoke billows.

Actually, I almost paused the film on a smoke billow. Sony is doing some things in the recent “Spiderverse” trilogy that are insane- and part of it is their mixed animation.

All the smoke billows? Hand drawn.

They look the same as Bluth’s smoke in this film, which is making me wonder if one of their artists studied under him. Maybe not- maybe they just did their homework on good hand drawn cloud formations. Either way, realizing how close they got to the master work in this film made me appreciate them even more.

Speaking of insane animation-

I don’t know WHO Bluth felt he had to show off to, but this man could DRAW WATER and he fucking knew it.

Like water is hard to do, ok? Like hands, Da Vinci had notebooks full of sketches of the substance, proving it to be the bane of the artistic existence.

Most water in hand drawn animation comes in two forms-

Flat water color with pretty things floating in it to distract you-

Or drawn over a live video of water that they spliced into the image.

Even that was hard to do, and they used a technology no longer available to us. It looks pretty cool honestly.

But no, not DON fucking BLUTH.

Not only can this man hand draw water without the underlying video, but he draws it moving in multiple different ways. He shows it from the top, side, and sinking underneath (with moving bubbles and shifting light, no flat blue for him).

He turns it into a NIGHTMARE FUEL WAVE MONSTER.

He ADDS it to SCENES it DIDNT HAVE TO BE IN!

The more I watched this film, the more I realized that if Milt Kahl had the head swaggle, Don Bluth had water, and by God was he going to use it.

He wrote plots AROUND the idea of water, so he could showcase it in every scene. “Rock-a-doodle,” and “Pebble and the Penguin” come to mind. “Anastasia,” “Thumbelina” and “All Dogs Go to Heaven” all feature action scenes in water. Heck- the one in “All Dogs Go To Heaven” came out of no where, and makes so much more sense if it was just Bluth wanting to show off.

“An American Tale” had the travel by boat sequence and our main hero being thrown over board. He could have left it there. NOPE. There were puddles and sewers and fire hoses and action scenes at the docks.

And the few scenes without water? Let’s throw some scary sparks in there. Maybe some smoke billowing. For funzies.

Also- we’re going to have a Love Song with the most incredible Night Sky you have ever seen and a Comedic song featuring fun house mirror distorted reflections because WHY NOT???

I think he was trying to make sure Disney regretted him leaving, the way you dress up when you know your toxic ex will be there, and I love that for him. 🩷

Also- the backgrounds are all beautiful water color. I love a good water color.

Also- yeah, the sound track holds up. The songs are just as catchy as they ever were- if you have ever seen this movie you WILL find yourself singing along.

As previously mentioned, when it comes to the scary parts, the composer UNDERSTOOD THE ASSIGNMENT and the music easily fits into a good horror film.

And finally- the music at the finale when everything is made right, and the happy ending is finally here, is the most heart breaking thing you will ever hear. You will cry. Watch the movie, but bring the tissues. 🤧

This movie is definitely worth a watch.

This movie is more than worth a watch, it should be mandatory for elementary history and college animation classes alike.

But also it’s just fun. 🤩

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s2 episode 17 thoughts

whispers softly. man... i need a minute. shaky breath.

okay. i'll start at the top like always. AUGH THE TEARS. fighting them. okay. need to put on some sad songs to accompany the 45-60 minutes it will take to type all this up

so, i sat down ready to see where this was gonna go. in fact i noted that i was incredibly locked in. which i continue to believe that i was.

we see a submarine, which is a type of craft i just do not trust. even before all that went down last summer. too scary for me. but they see something giving off a signal. and despite being a cartographer ship, they have missiles. and they're gonna go towards the thing they see on the radar, because they were told to. which seems wrong.

but then all their power is knocked out!!! and they are ordered to surface. but how will they do that under a ton of ice?!?!

title sequence. i was expecting different than the usual "the truth is out there" but i guess it's just business as usual over here despite it all

back to where we left off: scully's on the phone with real mulder and fake mulder is in her room. she hangs up on real mulder and tells the fake one that it was a wrong number, which had to be confusing to real mulder.

she tells him to put his hands on the wall, and he makes some quip about being shot before and not caring for it, and for a minute i'm like oh shit, that's a very mulder thing to do- what if he is, in fact, real mulder, and it's fake mulder on the phone? but that theory didn't make much sense anyway and also it was quickly put to rest by the fact that he started beating the hell out of scully.

so time skip: real mulder shows up to the scene with his "sister", who says the alien hit man is gonna call and ask to make a trade: scully for his "sister", and yeah, quotes are verbatim, i was still not buying this whole family relation thing

but his "sister" says that she knows how to kill the alien hit man: you have to hit the base of his skull. maybe. she isn't 100% certain. and also you can't miss because their blood is toxic. which we actually did already know!

and he's getting suspicious. why won't she explain exactly where she has been all this time? and what's this deal with her "father"? he's yelling at her at this point and i get it because it's not adding up to me either

she says that the aliens have been trying to establish a colony on earth since the 1940's, and:

"it's their belief that the stewardship of the planet is being forsaken" <- okay yeah. can't argue there. some of us are trying, aliens. i am not one of the mega companies pouring nuclear waste into the ocean. but maybe y'all could do a better job. and she continues:

"and that by default they'll someday become the natural heirs" <- well hey. you were sounding reasonable but now you are not. have we considered that maybe the people already here could give it another go free from the shackles of the 1%? you're acting like it's an estate sale and buddy we're still living in the house. you lost me there, and i was willing to hear you out.

she says that all of the clones worked at abortion clinics to gain access to fetal tissue, so they could combine human and alien dna. which i imagine had to be a good pr boost for abortion clinics (heavy on the /s here)

and the killer is after them because their experiments with mixing alien with human dna were not sanctioned, so they're "diluting the race", which i guess seems like the thing they would be worried about.

he doesn't seem to fully buy it, because he says "that's a good story, but i've heard a lot of good stories lately" which is true!!! our old worstie ambrose chapel was a liar, remember? or at least someone impersonating him was doing some lying!

"i'm your sister, fox, you have to trust me" UM PROOF?? have we done a dna test??? you can't just show up like that!!!!!

skinner knocks at the door... but is it really him? or the shapeshifting hit man????

"why are the lights out?" skinner asks quite reasonably "orders from my ophthalmologist" he says, lying very easily for a man for loves the Truth. but it did make me giggle.

sister approves that it is really skinner! only after they set a trap to get him just in case it wasn't. again i ask why she can tell if it's the man or not but okay. we move past that.

he makes introductions: "this is my sister, samantha mulder" to which skinner replies "WHAT"

and yeah. i would react the same!!!!

(also weird to hear mulder used as a last name. to me that's just the guy. you know?)

NOOO his phone rings. it's scully calling from a payphone. "he says he's gonna kill me if you don't give him what he wants" oh. okay.

there's no time to explain to skinner what is going on so!!! just please trust me, he says!!! and he does. another point for skinner, who is like a strange uncle or cousin to me.

they go to do a hostage trade: "samantha" for scully. and is this the same bridge where they did the hostage deal for mulder at the end of s1? do they only have one bridge for hostage deals. might be a bit much to have 2 in one city.

skinner has a sniper in the bush, ready to shoot at the base of the alien hit man's neck during the exchange. okay save the day mister sniper please.

AUGH HOSTAGE EXCHANGE. it's so tense. i paused here to write how tense it was, which did not ease it in the slightest. the hit man has a gun to scully's head and it's recalling mulder's early trauma with hostage exchanges. they're waiting for the right moment to shoot....

scully's in the car!!!! but samantha tried to use the needle that kills the aliens and she MISSED and the sniper shot was messed up and then there's firing and is it the sniper? or is it the hit man? who is hit? it is very unclear!!!!! both hit man and samantha tumble into the cold water beneath.

he's still at the bridge, staring down into the place he last saw her. scully comes out to join him, and he says "you should be at the hospital" (she has gauze on her head and says she was just discharged)

he's staring into the water, trying to come up with different ways she might have lived

"why didn't you tell me on the phone that it was her?" "i couldn't tell you 'cause you'd never let me go through with it" AUGHHHHHHHHH.

(and knowing how the episode ends. i am glad this happened. but in the moment. this was a gut punch)

she asks how he knew it was really his sister (valid question, one i fear he should have asked as well) and he snaps about how could she ask that, and she's like, dude someone with your face and body just kidnapped me???? so the whole who is who thing is a little murky??

(she actually calmly explains this. without any judgement. judgement added was my own. but you can imagine that after this experience, hearing "he's an alien" might still be a bit of a hard sell)

okay, mr. mulder is on the scene. he has to tell his dad he lost his sister. I lost her, he says. emphasis on the I. as if it was an action that he took. fuck.

and his dad hits back with a "you LET this man take your sister?" and son mulder is CRYING. what the HELL this is too much. the man has suffered too much. i'm given flashbacks to the last time we saw him cry when he thought he lost scully forever.

PAUSE. i just know the actors were eating up these lines. ohhh i know they were sinking their teeth into them the way that good dialogue allows you to. when you tap into the soul of a character, a whole person who isn't even real, because the writing cuts to their heart. yeah yeah yeah i knowww they were rolling with it and it felt Good

back to the scene. his father is giving him a guilt trip about how his mother is going to deal with "losing her again". and he's apologizing and crying when his dad pulls out an envelope

"your sis- SAMANTHA" told me to give you this.

the implication that he lost the claim to be considered related to her????? is sooooo entirely messed up?? that is the kind of thing that ruins a person???? holy fuck??

he's sobbing while opening the letter, and it gives an address where she says they can meet up if they are separated... so maybe she's really still out there??? hope has been installed back into "she's not actually dead" camp

he rolls up to the address and parks in an area labeled "NO PARKING". grief will do this to a guy.

but just as he arrives, scully calls and says they found her in the river. NOOOOOO THE NEWLY RETURNED HOPE.... "whatever you're feeling, you can't blame yourself" she says, knowing that he must be putting his whole soul into Blaming Himself

but... her body is melting??? is it an alien body??? is the melting gonna turn into toxic gas?? scully don't stare at it you're gonna get all thick blood!!!!

back to mulder. this man is experiencing all stages of grief at once on the steps of a women's clinic. he goes in and pulls out a gun and boy i sure hope there are no women inside.

someone is in there. it's... someone with samantha's face??? saying that she knows "she's dead"????? "it was all a lie", he mumbles as he realizes he was played

YESSSS I KNEW IT. i knew that was NOT his sister. i knew it was too weird and coincidental to be true. this makes the grief of losing her dissipate entirely so i do consider this a win beyond me just being able to guess where the plot was going

and i'm thinking, how the hell is he gonna explain all this to scully? like, to mom and dad, you will have to play along with the whole "she died" thing, and while that is by no means easy, it is a concrete thing you can say and do. but scully??? how is she going to react to "someone pretended to be my sister and then got killed"

(i suppose mulder could tell his parents that DNA testing on "samantha's body" proved no relation, but that would still be complicated to walk through, because there was no corpse to prove that, you know, because she dissolved- maybe scully could make some paperwork to make it look real?)

back to the matter at hand: these aliens with the same face are saying that he must save their original source. and he says "i am not your savior" which- tea. set your boundaries king. in fact, had i been there, i would have done the opposite of protecting, and instead start blasting these aliens that pretended to be my long-dead sister.

but they have leverage... they know where she really is...... so he doesn't walk out....

hit man arrives!!!!! armed with his needle!!! and mulder goes to confront him, but he knocks him on his back, and sets a fire- mulder's weakness!!!!!!

scully is making a report. she cannot substantiate his claims of aliens. and she's got a cut on her forehead from hit man taking her. my poor queen :(

back to the fbi agent that died in the last episode. he has nasty cuts allllll over. like he was carved with designs. sorry for that imagery but i saw it and must describe it.

she thinks she can solve this case with the power of SCIENCE!!! what killed this guy, exactly? maybe if we can figure it out, the other pieces could fall into place

so the virus that causes the blood to thicken is inhibited by the cold.... which explains our earlier scene of mulder in the ice tub and her yelling about him needing to be cold...

DEEP THROAT 2.0 ARRIVAL? (sidenote does this dude have a real name? like while this was airing what were y'all calling him...)

he tells mulder that the last alien- the one who was sent to kill the clones, our shapeshifting hit man- has been tracked to alaska, and that you have to pick your battles to win the war. telling him not to go to alaska. can you imagine.

scully goes to his place and knocks but no one answers. and his newspapers on at the doorstep. so she busts out her keeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey..... heart still melts that she has this.......

and HE KNEW SHE WAS GONNA INVESTIGATE???? he sent her an email..... and he's saying how he wouldn't let her risk her life... nooo don't you weaponize the earlier drawing a line thing, that was about chasing a very vague alien lead to an agent's death, not about investigating ur sister...........

she bursts into skinner's office. and then apologizes for doing so.

(i love this so much. such a tiny detail that tells us a lot about her character. that Need to be good and do the right thing and please those whom she looks up to. ohhhhh)

he asks to speak to her off the record, and it seems at first promising... but he won't help her get in contact with mulder. EVEN after she says please!!!! she is gonna cry!!!!!

skinner's bitching about mulder's actions being a violation of his oath, and she's saying that he saved her life, and he comes back with a "if he wanted or expected you to do the same, he would have told you where he was going"

skinner being a jerk... at this point i began to revoke the point i earlier gave him...

he looks deeply troubled though, and i was like, ohhh, mulder must have promised him to not tell her where he was going... i see into your plans, mulder (<- this is not what happened)

back at mulder's place. scully's searching for clues. there's an x taped to the window again, which must be something he just does sometimes. and there's ominous music.

she falls asleep on his couch, and i swear i actually felt my heart melting at this moment. the way she was curled up. subconsciously trying to hold onto a piece of him. only finding rest where he did. i can't even wax poetic about this because i can't put the words into the right shape. but it is gonna destroy me.

someone is knocking... but who?

DEEP THROAT 2.0?!?!

he tries to act like he just went to the wrong room, but she isn't buying it, following him and demanding to know where he really is

SKINNER IS HERE? GETTING ON THE ELEVATOR????? SKINNER ATTACKING D.T. 2.0??? the girls are fighting!!!!!!!

he makes deep throat 2.0 tell him where mulder is, even when skinner is pinned up and deep throat 2.0 is the one holding the gun, and he said "i've killed men for less", but skinner says that if you kill him, he'll be killing 2 men....... this gag seems to have worked

SKINNER is AT THE DOOR to mulder's place where scully is staying. and he is bleeding from MANY wounds. tells scully where he is without elaborating on the blood pouring from all over. okay skinner. you're real for that. you get that point i was tossing around back. and a bonus one, in fact.

so mulder's out on the ice, and usually him wearing a big jacket would spark joy in my heart. and i won't lie, it does a little. but there is also a LOT of tension going on, so it's very brief. feels wrong to rejoice in the simple pleasures of man in big funny coat when he just had to lose his sister and then learn it wasn't even her.

but he sees some sort of tower and he's going in!!! and a dead guy is spotted.

pause. at this point i am sitting here thinking, man, these episodes are good, definitely among the best i've seen so far. who let these men cook? can we get them back in the kitchen with more regularity?

someone is leading him deeper and deeper into the maze of this... station? sub? and i fear he is being led into a trap. but he finds a very very scared man and having a big man point a gun at him doesn't help with the fear, i'm sure. but is it really a sniveling coward... or the hit man???

and JUST as he almost had me fooled and wondering if mulder was gonna really shoot an innocent guy, BAM! hit man reveal.

mulder keeps asking where his sister is, even while being pummeled by this alien with super strength. and he says "she's alive. can you die now?"

mulder shoots at the alien and he misses the back of his neck, so his toxic blood is filling up the space, and things are not looking good at all. and the alien takes him out and drops him on the ice!!!!!

he's going to break the ice and let him freeze or hit him with the sub as it goes down, both very bad endings........

CUTSCENE TO WHERE WE BEGAN!!!!

scully is bursting in, telling this doctor that he has a virus that can only be slowed by keeping him cold, and he isn't buying it, but just as he tries to get her kicked out of the room, his heart stops, so she intervenes.

and she's calling all the shots- get 100 grams of this and that and a drip of this- and this doctor has had his shift hijacked by a better doctor. he implies that mulder might not make it, and she refuses to hear this out.

and she's.... gently stroking his hair... while this is going down........

and sitting by his bed while he's getting better...

(so are the counts for who has been in a coma now tied? justice is served)

and now she's doing the case conclusion:

"several aspects of this case remain unexplained, suggesting the possibility of paranormal phenomena" <- OHHH??? is this what makes scully a believer? are we gonna see some character changes?

"but i am convinced that to accept such conclusions is to abandon all hope of understanding the scientific events behind them" okay!!! we are getting a deeper look into her philosophy here. yes yes yes give me more. and more i was given:

"many of the things i have seen have challenged my faith and my belief in an ordered universe, but this uncertainty has only strengthened my need to know, to understand, to apply reason, to those things which seem to defy it"

and i love it. i love it so much. seeing how she understands the world, why she knows that there has to be an order to it all, and if it seems there isn't, it's just because she hasn't figured it out yet... and science did allow him to get better... the need to fight a good fight in the way she knows how... yeah... that's lovely...

and she's CRYING at his bedside and holding his arm when he finally opens his eyes. her smile. her gentle "hey". it's so innocent, seeing that he is okay, that he made it through the worst part of getting better.

"thanks for ditching me" aughhhhghhhhh.......

he says he didn't find what he was looking for, but he did find the faith to keep looking. ohhhhh. ohhhhhhh...

the way his faith was gone at the start of season 2, but now it's back, there's something worth fighting for, his sister is out there, there is a world worth figuring out..........

man.

at this point my friend was sending me texts and i was like queen i need a minute. i need a minute. to put these things in order. and honestly i STILL do!

it was an absolutely amazing duo of episodes. i truly loved the writing, seeing them pushed to the brink with each other and with themselves. seeing skinner come into fruition. seeing what motivates them both and how they see the world and how it is entirely different but still driven by hope and faith and a need to learn the truth. and the tenderness of it all. of her sleeping on his couch in his absence, thinking maybe he'll be home soon. of running her fingers through his hair while he was being revived. the fury of being blamed for the loss of his sister, the fury with which she screamed at deep throat 2.0 to tell him where he went off to, the fury of mulder realizing he had been lied to and that his sister had never come back at all. but there still being hope despite it all. because there are things worth searching for. and they can do it together.

man. it was a very good episode but your girl is gonna go watch a silly video because it definitely hit me right in the Feelings!!

[apenguinbird]

Animal familiars in NRC: Ignihyde and Diasomnia edition.

(A continuation of this, this and this)

Ignihyde

Idia: Dog

Dang it, he wanted a cat. 

Still, he recognizes dogs are cute.

Let’s call him Cerberus for now. I think it would be a dog breed like a Cretan Hound, Greek Harehound, Molossus of Epirus, all big dog breeds from Greece.

Cerberus is very loyal to Idia and loves to sit by his side when he is playing games.

Scary dog privileges heck yeah. Idia hopes it will keep the extroverted students away from him (spoiler: It doesn’t work)

When working at STYX Cerberus works as a guard dog, not really necessary but Idia likes the feeling.

Cerberus is one of the few reasons why he goes out and takes him on walks. Although Ortho is usually the one taking him out, for Idia’s safety, the last time Cerberus basically dragged him across campus.

Makes memes with his dog.

“Oh Cerberus, we're really in it now.” 

Ortho

(Light spoilers for chapter 6, nothing mentioned though)

Unfortunately, Ortho is not able to have a familiar in the traditional way.

He loves Cerberus though!

Usually the one in charge of taking him on walks.

Cerberus is so careful around Ortho even though he is made out of metal.

Ortho has millions of files about taking good care of dogs.

Idia is/was planning on building a familiar for Ortho but the idea makes him sad.

Diasomnia.

One of the best examples of how the bond between mages and familiars works. Some familiars can become really really old.

Silver: Snow Owl

(Reference for chapter 7)

Yeah.

Honestly Silver was probably the youngest when it came to finding his familiar, with the number of animals close to him it was predictable.

He took a nap somewhere and woke up with the owl looking at him.

Lilia felt happy for Silver, although he felt like life was being a bit passive-aggressive with him.

If Silver is sleeping his familiar is somewhere watching over him.

Silver uses the owl to look for Malleus when the latter is nowhere to be found.

Special alarm, aka the familiar will peck Silver until he wakes up.

Sebek: Hawk

The perfect look for a knight, Sebek likes the respectable image they have going on.

LOUD DUO.

“WAKA-SAMA!” *hawk noises.*

Sebek is training it to attack people. Plus he trains with silver to use their familiar as trackers.

One time Sabek almost hits him with a lightning bolt and has been apologizing ever since.

The hawk once sat in one of Malleus’ horns which he found amusing, Sebek not so much.

Lilia: Bat

I know it was a really obvious choice but it was the best one for Lilia.

Same energy. Let me tell you that bat is old.

“Aren’t we cute?”

They both like to hang from the ceiling.

Silver’s babysitter was back when he was a kid. From making sure baby Silver was safe while Lilia was busy and/or adapting to parenthood, making sure he was safe in the woods as a kid, up to this day it makes sure Silver fell asleep somewhere safe.

Has saved the young one from Lilia’s cooking, the reason why sometimes Lilia finds kitchen ingredients or tools gone missing, is for a greater cause.

Will screech to get your attention.

Has had to drag Lilia by the ear to bed when he stays up too much time.

He and Lilia enjoy having tomato juice together.

Sometimes he joins Lilia in the music club, it doesn’t sound great but it is the passion that counts.

Malleus: Crow

A bit of an odd case because Malleus passed centuries without a familiar, they found each other rather recently.

He finds it rather interesting how it fits the story of the Witch of Thorns and her crow companion.

Malleus can and will tell you a lecture on what makes ravens and crows different creatures.

A good company, a bit of a one side conversation but the two look happy in the process.

“And that’s why gargoyles are often carved out of marble or stone and are attached to buildings.” “Caw.” “Interesting indeed.”

Malleus’ grandmother has a crow familiar too, maybe it’s a Draconia thing.

His familiar also enjoys old builds and statues which Malleus finds endearing.

Sometimes the crow disappears and reappears at random times. Malleus will never admit it but he’s rather bitter at the idea of not being invited.

Loves shiny things and has a nest of things it has collected around the school.

No, the crow doesn’t sit on Mallues’ horns but sometimes you can find it on his shoulder.

That crow is in the top 5 of those who Sebek respects.

The most respected and feared bird in all of the school. Some students are sure there must be something fishy with that bird.

[forbidding-souda]

Hello! @tinieprince here! I just reblogged two of your headcanon posts about korekiyo with a partner who age regresses and I absolutely adore them!! I was wondering if you’d be willing to share some other thoughts on that? He’s just so comforting and I think he’d be the perfect fit for someone who’s in littlespace! He’s the number one person to go to for bedtime stories I can sense it! (I have honestly fallen asleep listening to a compilaton of him talking because wow he has the most soothing voice)

Shinguuji Korekiyo with a S/O in little space

i'm gonna combine a little bit of the stuff I already talked about with new things bc those fics were from like 4 years ago but they're still fire so here you go darling @tinieprince

-Mod Souda

❤ Obvious one first: gifts!

❤ Gifts from all over. His home is filled with artifacts and yours will be, too. You get toys from multiple cultures, especially baby dolls and things along that sort. He absolutely loves getting shit for you, he thinks about you all the time when he's gone. He will never stop spoiling you even if you ask him to stop. He will never stop. EVER!

❤ ^ And you get homemade blankets from many countries.

❤ He probably already knows what little space is / recognized it before you had to tell him.

❤ ^ And he isn't unnerved by it at all. Of course he's not. He knows everything about humanity, so he knows why people go into little space too.

❤ He loves it when he's reading in bed and you'll curl up next to him. Or even better, when you beg for attention. He'll happily put his book down and hold you into his arms.

❤ Oooooo imagine he has deer teeth rattles and things like that. And lullabies in many languages. I love him srry

❤ He will kiss your forehead for all of eternity.

❤ ^ Even if it's just through the zipper.

❤ His voice is soft and comforting, aaaaaa imagine him holding you in his lap and singing to you.

❤ He doesn't get annoyed by kid shows at all. And if you like coloring books be ready for him to lock in and color alongside you.

❤ ^ "Little one" as a pet name. "How marvelous that looks, little one."

❤ He'll always be okay with putting some work aside to be able to spend time with you. He loves working, but he loves you more. And his work won't get sad or disheartened if he's away from it for too long.

❤ If you aren't feeling good physically, as in sneezing or coughing or having a sore throat, he does not gaf he'll still be all up in your space cooing and you and comforting you. He will rock you in his lap if you let him.

❤ Imagine he does the catepillar thing where he wraps an entire blanket around you and folds it under but then he just goes "this is what they do to corpses before they bury them" and you're like damn LMFAO.

❤ Omfg you should a pacifier that matches the color of his mask.

❤ He's good at playing pretend or playing with dolls. Will probably get one of those big doll houses and then say it's for you (he wanted it too). Normal barbies mixed with scary homemade dolls.

❤ Will dress you and bathe you depending on your regression age.

❤ More than happy to feed you too.

❤ If you babble then he's going to respond as if he understands. "Fascinating, my love." / "Oh really? And what shall we do about it?" / "Beautiful, oh how beautiful you are."

❤ Will sing you songs from his childhood. You get to learn so much about his younger years from the stories he will tell.

❤ His bedtime stories are sometimes crazy as fuck tho ngl when he's not reading out of a book he's gonna loredrop about the Song Dynasty.

❤ "Go to sleep, little one. Let me tell you about the london beer flood."

❤ Any woman that makes fun of you is a goner sorrryyy had to add this one.

[ms--lobotomy]

Since you tagged me in this poll I feel the need to answer with my thoughts for all of them. You know, for funsies.

40k Guilliman: pretty good option. He’s (somewhat) mentally stable and has talked it out with you beforehand. Though I am curious on where he acquired primarch-grade bondage equipment. Is that why it was planned months in advance? Was he spending all that time just trying out different kinds of ropes and chains that could hold him like some sort of kinky parody of Fenrir from norse mythology?? Also, he deserves sex that has him relax and not possibly shatter his partner’s pelvis, let that man rest. 8/10.

Corrupted Horus: We all enjoy a very evil and very charismatic man from time to time. And the chaos gods which are currently kinda wearing Horus’ body like a condom are one of the options presented in this poll. But before your mind gets carried away with the fantasy of hot mean DILF, we have to think: He’s still a DILF. And so his taste in music will be that of a Dad. So get ready for him to blast Imagine Dragons while sexily taking his shirt off. You plead for him to strip faster, not because you’re horny but because you hope that when he does so he’ll turn the rock & roll cover of Thunder off and fuck you properly. He won’t. 1/10.

Jaghatai: No words other than those of approval. No thoughts other than those of lust. 9/10.

Ferrus Manus pre-heresy: Not sure why you specified pre-heresy but maybe I don’t have enough imagination for a post-heresy lewding scenario, but I digress. So I feel that the sex wouldn’t be the main draw of the situation here, instead it’s more to do with trying to make a guy feel better about a body part that he wants to peel his metal-skin off of. Ferrus is a dude that has simultaneously given all of his children body dysmorphia (that they try to fix by replacing their body parts with tech) while also wanting to get rid of the most technological part of himself. And he won’t even tell people a direct answer about where he got the technological metal hands from anyway. This man is an enigma and the sex is just a backdrop for the true scenario; which is the Ferrus Manus character exploration that’s going on. So to judge purely by the sex itself it’s a solid 5/10.

Daemon Magnus: This dude will not only do all of what you specified. But he’ll also add Gale from bg3 astral plane type sex into the mix. The only limit is your imagination Babey!!! 11/10 (he may have used his psychic powers to mess with the rating).

Leman Russ: What’s not to love about a big scary man in a collar? What’s not to love about a living war machine getting restrained like they’re a simple animal?? Though him eventually breaking out of it would imply that my skills in Husband husbandry are poor, and that might make me kind of sad. 7/10 (would change it to 8/10 if you also put a muzzle on him)

Pre-Heresy Fulgrim: The number one rule of kink fantasy is that nothing will work out as perfectly as you want it to, something will always go differently than it did in your imagination because, fun fact, your partner is not a mind reader (and even if they were it’s not like they can control every action/reaction they do/have). If you fuck him he will be very very very disappointed in you and will act like a bitch about it. 3/10 (the sex stops midway through because you ruined his expectations too many times).

Rogal Dorn: The way im about to sexualise that middle aged man. Oh boy… well first of all I’ll- [REDACTED BY THE INQUISITION. SUMMONS A DAEMON OF SLAANESH IF THE TEXT IS READ OUT LOUD]. 9.5/10.

30k Corvus Corax: Now while he can’t be perceived, I can. In fact I am very perceivable. Unlike Corvus’ furtive emo outfits my fashion sense consists of wearing the most sparkly and shiny accessories all the time and in very large quantities. I dress as though I’m trying to sound like one of santa’s reindeer or a sentient human windchime. And my penchant to talk very loudly knows no bounds. So combining his extreme stealth with my extreme unstealth gives us the average of The Normal Amount Of Noticeability. Which would get us both arrested for indecent exposure. 0/10 because i don’t want to go to jail.

Sanguinius: also a pretty good option. Though I question how a man who had big issues with being deified by the mortal populace would feel about having his more “angelic” features worshipped. But I’m sure I can make it work. 7.5/10.

In conclusion: the vote goes to Magnus, but if he wasn’t there then Dorn would be attaining the title of “babygirl” real fucking fast.

Time to /finally/ answer some asks. This isn't a knock on you by any means, or anyone who's sent asks. I'm just not very good at it lol

Robby G: Listen. L i s t e n. This man is 1. the type to have a schedule for sex (nothing wrong with that if thats what people are into) and 2. the type to take it in the butt. He deserves it in the butt. Yes, he is a space war criminal. But wouldn't it be nice to put it in him?

Horse: I'm sorry, the image of an Imagine Dragons striptease is... enlightening as to the individual Horus is. He's the dad that hosts the barbecue parties. He's the dad that falls asleep watching TV. Hell, he probably wears Hawaiian shirts. (That last one's got me bricked up. Shit)

Jagh: This one got me. He fucking would be into leather, be it on him or his partner. May write a fic about it in the future. Dead serious

Ferrus: Ok, I'll admit it, this one was self-indulgent for me. Yes, Ferrus is an ass in canon. I also want him so bad, and that also entails helping him through some shit. (It's the "I can fix him" instinct.) Also, if his partner isn't ok with 17 inches, that's understandable. (Also also, I specified pre-Heresy because him coming back headless horseman style is kind of a pipe dream of mine)

Mags: Monsters are hot. Next guy

Russ: This one was a bit of a gift for my Russ fucker friend. You know who you are! And if you're a Russ fucker anyways, please be my friend

Fulgrim: This man has been through so many partners and he still doesn't understand kink very well, bless his heart. He's still gotta make sure everything goes the way he thought it would, otherwise what's even the point? Mm. Maybe he can be put with someone who makes him realize that it doesn't need to be that way.. ;v

Doorknob: Go ahead, sexualize the brick wall man. Put him in a maid dress. He'd like his partner to be a little rough, especially during... ahem. Encounters. Remember the Rogal Dorn position? Maybe not all the time, but fuck, this man needs to take it like his life depends on it.

Corax: Not for everyone, I get it. Especially if your clothes are like that. I applaud your fashion sense, you dress how I've always wanted to. But that fic's still rattling around in my mind. Thank you Raven Lady we all say in unison

Sang: You raise a very good point. I don't know how comfortable he'd be with focus on his more non-human qualities. But it can work. I have faith in you, battle brother.