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#this is probably so much more than you wanted lmao
leoruby-draws · 10 hours
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Been on a bit of a roll with posting my drawings lately, just getting rid of some backlog. Anyways, here's a funny doodle of the batkids bothering their big brother Nightwing on a date with Starfire. They're so annoying lmao.
Its kinda a sequel to this comic from way back. I say kinda because I meant to put with the comic itself but I was too lazy to do so. But I'm posting it now!
Speaking of that comic, I got an ask asking for a follow-up to it showcasing Dick and Starfire's kids getting some 'revenge' for them. Here's Mar'i (NightStar) and Jake Grayson popping in from the future! (btw I accidentally deleted the ask, feel bad esp considering how long it took to actually do art they wanted.)
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They're all having so much fun! Look at little Jake, I actually wasn't sure if I should put him here since Mar'i is from Kingdom Come and Jake is from The New Order. Two different universes, the ask did ask for both of them so I did so. Also I forgot his eyes were green, aw well.
Speaking of Kingdom Come, I remember reading that in my middle school library along with some other DC/Batman comics. I was already a total weeb and loved manga so I decided to try out western comics too (since I did like the DCAU cartoons). Read them for a few weeks got bored, then picked up Akira and wouldn't read superhero comics again for more than a decade. Just weren't as easy to get into as manga, took some effort to try them again.
Anyways, here's an extra Mar'i as Nightstar:
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I love her outfit, such a wonderful design. And its fun to play around with it too, its fun. But I'll probably take off those wings on her headband, they clutter the design I think. Gosh I love doing her hair its so fun.
Here's an extra Mar'i, with Jake included:
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Would Mar'i be Robin as a kid? Or take on a different kid hero persona? How about Jake? Just played around with some costumes for them. Look at Jake clinging to Mar'i, think she'll be a good big sister?
Played around with Nightstar's outfit some more . Wanted to draw them longer so make it look like actual wings on her, and also like tassels on a performer's costumes.
Well this was fun to do, hope you like all this!
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vampiricgf · 16 hours
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WATER SONG [PT. 1]
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merman leon x gov't researcher reader
word count : 7k+
warnings : female reader, reader has a sort of type A personality and some mild anger issues, talk of medical experiments, he's referred to as a subject and specimen quite a lot, descriptions of predatory behavior (animal kind, not the sexual kind), slow pace, sfw, lots of yearning for touch
okay part one isn't terribly exciting im sorry ajdgakab I just wanted to establish a connection between the reader and him in the setting n such before developing any deeper connection. also like 1% research went into this so im sorry if you're knowledgeable about oceanic research this'll probably piss you off lmao. also all credit for this au idea goes to @/bunnivievve tysm for letting me write a lil interpretation of your idea! this was inspired by this post of theirs as well ‹𝟹
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JUNE
Subject Zero. 
Male, combined characteristics of humanoids and aquatic species. Captured by a trawling vessel, out in deep waters usually traversed by cargo freighters but occasionally by commercial fishing vessels. A freak happenstance. When the net had been dredged up in a fantastic spray of salt water, the hoard of tuna quickly spilling into the sorting containers, the men on deck had spotted something much larger than white fin tuna thrashing in the net. 
Upon careful inspection they feared they’d pulled up a man, some poor unfortunate victim of a seafaring disaster. A capsized or otherwise destroyed vessel, a near drowning victim that had fallen overboard perhaps. 
Until they spotted the flashing of sharp teeth, and the thick, muscled tail slamming against the wet metal under their feet. 
Thankfully their transmission to the Coast Guard was intercepted, a naval craft catching the broadcast and setting course as fast as possible for the trawler. 
And now Subject Zero finds respite in your “office”. If an office can be counted as more of an observation space, nevertheless. A part of you feels bad, the less scientifically trained and inclined part that is, for keeping such a clearly intelligent creature within a tank inside a black site. The initial placement had been… difficult. It was clear the subject missed the open ocean, and you did feel sorry that it had been so unceremoniously plucked from its home and deposited in such an alien space on land. But there was nothing to be done about it. 
He was far too valuable as a research opportunity. The cold, clinical part of your mind understood that. He was a marvel of nature, flesh and blood proof that man could be intermixed with seafaring species, it was one of the single greatest events in modern marine biology. And an immense privilege for you, the scientist chosen chiefly to study the subject. 
A dream. The government all but telling you to do whatever you deemed necessary, no concern over the expense. Gone were worries of securing grant funding for more piddling projects or the endless anxiety of thinking you would be stuck as one name in an endless list of names relegated to ordinary oceanic study. Not that your peers' works weren’t valuable, but you always held the selfish desire for notoriety. Had dreamed endlessly throughout your undergraduate program of the day your name would be the one filling up library indexes and publications with impressive, weighty studies. Discoveries so undeniable you would join the ranks of the most noteworthy in the field. 
And seemingly, your wish had been granted. Subject zero would be the gravel that paved your road to success. It’s just a pity it has to be such an intelligent creature. 
You sit back, uncuring from your hunched position at the desk, rolling your shoulders and wincing as you hear your joints popping. Documentation was a never ending pain in the ass but it had to be done, if you wanted to keep the convenience of not having to answer to nor justify your expenses to an overhead department. Ordinarily that work would be relegated to a lower priority researcher, but you preferred being able to sign off on it all yourself, comforted by the fact that there were no unforeseen surprises lurking in the documents or spreadsheets or data tables. Nothing anyone would be about to point out as a discrepancy, leaving you humiliated and floundering. 
As you close your eyes you can feel it, the hair on the back of your neck slightly on edge. The feeling of being observed. 
He seemed to prefer watching you when your back was turned or if you were otherwise unaware. If you were facing the ten foot thick glass of the massive elcousure he would recede into the farthest corners of it, shying away into watery obscurity. In a way it was cute, an obvious curiosity for the beings around him but he seemed stricken by shyness, didn’t know if you were trustworthy. Which was understandable. You were the one keeping him there, at least to his limited viewpoint. The one that denied him reentry into his former home. 
That irritatiningly scentimental part of your mind whispered to you again. 
What if he thinks you’re cruel?
So what? We don’t even know to what extend he does think. 
You say that but you do care, at least a little. Thats why you sneak him extra food. 
You sigh to yourself, pushing up from the familiar desk, palms flat on its slick glass surface before rising to your full height. Out of the corner of your eye you catch the white coat you don most of the day, every day, slung carelessly over the back of another chair at a separate station. Your badge attached via a shiny, silvery little clip. Walking over you purposefully keep your eyes directed away from the elcousure, your movements slow. This is a good opportunity to see how long he’ll watch you as long as he believes you aren’t paying attention. 
The badge is solid, though lightweight as you pick it up, bringing it closer to your face. It’s hard to believe you look so excited in the small picture in the upper lefthand corner. Your name in bold typeface as last name, first name all neatly lined up next to the photo. In it’s reflection you can see him, one hand perched against the glass, that thick midnight blue tail swishing up and down in a soft, rhythmic motion as he stays still. Ever watchful. 
Its hard to see in the little reflective glimpse but subject zero does have more… handsome features. You smile to yourself, recalling one of the other researchers giggling while telling you it wasn’t weird to note that because it was true. What man on land, with two legs, had eyes that shade of blue or a jawline that impressive? None that aren’t using photoshop or filters. 
Maybe if the discovery of the subject was publicized there would be throngs of people banging on doors trying to find out where he’s being kept. It did make you huff out a laugh, the idea that a half fish man who couldn’t speak was more appealing than the majority of men on earth. 
Maybe we should open an instagram page for him. 
You shake your head to yourself, still smiling, as you set the badge down. 
The office slash observation room remained quiet save for the occasional sound of sloshing water. It was late, well past time fo anyone other than the usual armed military guard to be roaming the facility. Well past time for you to go home. 
At that moment you turn, just enough to peek over your shoulder and as soon as your eyes fix on the spot he occupied all you catch is a low flash of dark blue, retreating into the shadowy depths encased in glass. 
~
OCTOBER
Three months of observation. 
Hardly enough to form any evidence based conclusions, but enough time to get started on the right path. You had approximately nintey days of solid data on his diet, his presenting condition each day, endless notes on his observable physiology. He preferred deep water fish, clearly an omnivore as he also didn’t mind the addition of oceanic plant species mixed with the fish when it was introduced into the tank. In fact he seemed to greatly enjoy the sudden introduction of variety, although still preferred to eat his meals in a semblance of solitude. 
His distrust was only natural, you had to remind yourself. Until such time as he’s fully used to his new environment you’re unlikely to observe any great variation in his behavior. 
At least he wasn’t showing signs of aggression. That had been a legitimate concern, and still was, of course. All proper safety precautions were followed to the letter when it came to subject zero, and absolutely no one was to physically get in the tank, not until further tests could be done on his temperament and how he reacted to certain stimuli both pleasant and unplseant. 
You grimace seeing a newly sent email notification, the little computerized ding signalling that your attention was required. 
When isn’t it?
You put the sleek desktop into split screen mode, keeping the charts on the subject to the left while your email opened to occupy the right side. Amid the usual low importance emails from general staff there was a new one, at the very top. The name made your stomach twist in preparation of the message. Dr. Gregg had, for lack of a better phrase, a raging hard on for the opportunity to remove the subject from the tank and getting it into a smaller one in order to sedate and extract genetic material. It didn’t matter that he’d already been sedated and had samples drawn when he was initially transported here, no. The good doctor wanted more than that, but you couldn’t accommodate the request in good conscience. 
Or rather, you were worried about the effect it would have on him. It could set back the last nintey days of progress, or worse, inspire severe mistrust and heightened aggression towards all researchers. There was no way, even with sedation, that cutting into him wouldn’t cause pain. And a source of pain that a creature like subject zero had no way of understanding would only lead to problems. 
The two of you had been butting heads over the issue for the last week, culminating in an argument yesterday where you all but told him to get fucked. You were the lead on this, you made the decisions and he wasn’t going to usurp your authority. Your credit. 
But as your eyes scan the email you can feel yourself getting physically hot, your blood pressure threatening to rise. 
You may be the lead, the head researcher on this project, but do not believe for one moment that I will not go above your head. You are not CIA, doctor. You don’t call the final shots here, and it would do you well to remember that. Whatever your personal feelings on subject zero, you cannot stand in the way of necessary elements that better out understanding of the creature. 
With shaking fingers you close the window, not bothering to respond and not trusting yourself to either. Every fiber of your being wanted nothing more than to march down that hallway and wring his wiry old turkey neck. Who does he think he is? He’s just some physiologist, some ancient fuck. Who is he to threaten you? If his contributions were so invaluable wouldn’t he have been made lead?
You squeeze your eyes shut, hands clenching in your lap as you breathed deeply in through your mouth and out through your nose. The meditation app you’d been using had provided you with some useful tools, being that your temper had plagued you since you were small. Always the first to fly off the handle at even the idea you could be questioned, your competence or credibility casted in doubt. 
Inferiority complex, a nasty voice giggled in your head. 
It’s not that it wasn’t true, and it was a bit of an achilles heel for you. But what took priority now was holding Gregg back, keeping him away from the subject and minimizing the risk that he could fuck it all up before you even had a chance to really begin. So, once you felt that initial flashpoint of rage quelling you reopened the email application, setting your shoulders back as you began typing. 
Under no circumstances are you permitted to sedate nor perform any surgical procedures on subject zero. You have not been given any formal authorizations, so it would do you well to remember not to threaten your head researcher in the contents of easily retrievable emails. You are free to broach the topic with any superior officer on sight, and I am more than happy to entertain a line of questioning from said superior officers on why I do not believe it to be prudent at this juncture to allow for another extraction of material. Research is not a race, Doctor. 
You can’t help but smile smugly to yourself, imagining his fury at opening your reply. If he thinks just because you’re young that you’re easily pushed around he is sorely mistaken. Nothing and no one is allowed to jeopardize the most important work you may ever do. 
With that you abandon the desk, it’s dull and mind numbing work, in favor of standing in front of the tank yet again. It was nice, having a portion of it extending into this area as an offshoot of the main tank where all the feeding and the bulk of physical testing was done. He seemed to enjoy it too, which despite yourself you did place some importance on. 
It was important to ensure he was as comfortable as possible. He was still a living being, despite his status as a research subject, and you took no pleasure in the idea of him suffering in any way. It was definitely a slight drawback, you could begrudgingly admit, that you tended to get… overly attached to the species in your care. You’d done the same in both undergrad and postdoc, although it was more important than ever before to keep a tight hold on those tendencies now. 
How would you feel, if you knew that man was so hell bent on slicing you open? 
Probably afraid. 
What are you feeling now?
It would be so much easier if he were capable of speech. The bridges that had to be built between what was known and unknown had to come from the very foundations, things that required occasionally unpleasant experiences in order to build their understanding of him. But if he could just explain some of it, that would be easier. A half formed bridge is faster to finish than one from scratch. 
Uselessly you peered into the clear, clean water. Between swaying stalks of plants there was nothing to see except the seemingly endless expanse of water. Several mind boggling tonnes of it, all kept nicely contained in ten foot thick military grade glass. Bulletproof. Shatter proof. Even if subject zero were to ram it with intent, crack it even, it would still hold. 
You couldn’t help but wonder, as you remained staring through that glass, if he was lonely. Seeing so many strange, upright walkers but being unable to even touch them, even consider the act of doing it. 
As you frown at your own reflection, you feel it again. 
Duel observation.
~
It was bizarre, to him. These two legs, tall men. He knew they existed, they’d always known a different sort of being lived on the land, domineered it and then took to making attempts at dominating the sea as well. It had all become so noisy, so very nearly unbearable thanks to their hulking monstrosities of shining metal and the things they constantly kept dumping into the water.
Every day there were new threats to avoid. Long gone were the days of simply worrying about other predators lurking in the open waters or within the sediment and foliage. 
He hadn’t seen the net, as they called it, until it was too late. Had been too caught in the euphoria of finding such a gigantic school of gorgeous, meaty tuna, that his mind switched off to everything but pure instinct as he’d circled them quickly, calculatedly. His jaw had felt the ache of hunger so viscerally it was like the bones themselves were vibrating with it. 
And then they’d all begun moving. Swept up, trapped in an upward drag that he’d been powerless to fight against while overwhelmed by the wriggling, frantic fish flashing across his vision, no way to know what was forwards or backwards, up or down. 
Then the shock of air. His lungs had seized up painfully with it, the feeling of being constricted by nothing at all yet everything all at once had been horrific, beyond frightening. 
After that it was too messy, too jumbled in his mind. Harsh sounds, their sounds, were prevalent in his memory but just beyond his grasp. Far too loud without the water to act as a buffer between, softening the blows of each reverberation against his eardrums. 
But her sounds were different. Or, it was that she didn’t make many to begin with. The look of them all was mostly similar from behind the thick material they kept him in, in this unknown space. At least they offered readily available food, although not nearly what he was used to hunting for himself and his webbed fingers itched at the thought of clawing through water in pursuit of some darting piece of prey. It would feel so, so good to sink his teeth into flesh, to feel it rip and catch in chunks between his teeth, the iron rich scent of blood swirling around. The roar of adrenaline in his ears. 
It was difficult to keep his focus on much here, save for her. The best parts were when the others disappeared but she would still be in that corner, down the long corridor of water and he would be able to see her, sitting and doing wholly alien things with her hands at something large and flat, but vaguely shiny. Hers didn’t have webbing, none of them did from what he could tell. How did they ever swim competently? 
She was softer than the rest and he enjoyed watching her do her strange tasks, sometimes she would pace around holding a sheet of paper in her hands, chewing on her bottom lip. Her teeth didn’t seem all that sharp, since she never seemed worried about cutting her flesh on them. What did they eat, with useless teeth? 
Just like at the present moment, with her back turned it was easier to look at her fully. Usually he wouldn’t approach openly like this, unsure of the intentions of everyone here, but this space seemed to be reserved for her only which put him at ease. That and none of those harsh spotlights were present, if anything she seemed to prefer it half dark which was fine by him, preferable to that loud bright area behind him back through the water corridor. But she seemed tense, the set of her shoulders curled forward, almost in on herself. Something in front of her was clearly upsetting and in some odd way he felt offense on her behalf. She was kind, gave him extra food before she would disappear through the night, always seemed to be keeping a close watch over him and how the others were with him. 
He may not be able to speak, but he’s pretty sure she was the reason he wasn’t suffering in this place. And that was good enough, at present, to make him feel a sense of kinship with her. Closeness. 
As she carried on with whatever it was that kept her so occupied his mind wandered to what it would feel like to touch her. They seem to enjoy touch, most of them being very casual with the way they interacted. How did she like being touched? Or would she dislike being touched by him outright? Would she find his webbed, clawed fingers disgusting, would she flinch away?
He frowned behind the glass. Hopefully not, but there really was no way to know. They seem intent on keeping a wide distance from him, which wasn’t unwelcome. The only one he was at all curious about was her anyway, not that he would purposely antagonize anyone who ventured inside his new domain, though he certainly wouldn’t circle them like one of the friendly, if a little dumb, nurse sharks do occasionally out in open water. 
He was so caught up in that worry he nearly failed to catch her movement, but his reflexes are faster than hers. Before she could approach the glass fully he’d already retreated a safe distance away. Watching as she stared into the expanse of water, her face unreadable but the set of her eyebrows told him she felt some kind of stress, strain. 
His fingers twitched at his sides, thinking about reaching out to touch her again.
~
You smile to yourself, a soft hidden kind, at the now familiar feeling. It was like there was a strange sense of understanding between you two, although you could just be ascribing things to him he doesn’t possess. Thats always something to keep in mind, as a researcher but more often than not lately you’re coming to resent that line of thought. It was clear subject zero was intelligent. Maybe not to the degree of a human being, but he was close enough evolutionarily speaking, that he was like a cousin in the chain. An offshoot of the formerly solidly established line of human life. Theres no reason, as yet identified, that he wouldn’t be able to communicate if given the chance to learn how. 
You aren’t thinking of him as a subject anymore. That’s dangerous. 
You know it is, know that voice is right. But it doesn’t account for everything. The odd push and pull, hide and seek game you two play here in this office every single evening. Its to the point now that you feel tense, uncomfortable if you don’t sense him behind you, watching you work or pace around nonsensically. You’ve spent over an hour before reading and rereading the same observational notes and data sets because you kept grinning to yourself like a fool feeling those eyes burning holes in your back. 
He’d even made appearances in your dreams a handful of times over the last month, flashes of deep, endless blue that clung to the soft corners of your mind as you went about your morning routines, ruminating over his appearance as steam from your coffee curled around your hands, ghostly fingers clawing at the air. Tension crept up your beck, spreading out over the tops of your shoulders and trapezius muscles prompting you to stretch against the back of your office chair, rolling your joints and hearing their familiar cracking in response to hours of sustained poor posture. Lazily you grasp your phone from the desk, thumbing open the music app and scrolling a bit through your shuffle playlist before settling on something bubbly, but easily tuned into the background. 
You wonder if he enjoys music, what his preferences would be if he could swipe through your library of songs. It makes you smile to yourself thinking about it, maybe that would make for a good test of his thinking abilities, how he responds to different genres, different artists. Standing, you bend slightly to make a quick note on a half discarded sticky tab: musical testing?
And suddenly a somewhat mad thought grips you, what if you tried right now? Whats the worst that could happen, he lurks in the background while you sway around the dim office like a fool? At least the only people who could see would be the guards, not that they’d say anything either beyond thinking to themselves that every researcher here must be insane. That makes your smile grow wider, giggling to yourself a bit as you take slight steps in time with the beat, giving a little spin on your toes to face the take. 
It only somewhat shocks you to find yourself face to face with him, that he hasn’t retreated to the safety of the shadowy corners. His eyes, a remarkably similar color to the water surrounding him, track your movements with abject curiosity as you follow an imaginary path, one foot placed delicately in front of the other to carry your body with the faint sound of the music. All the while his eyes never stray from you, even when he has to move to keep you in his sights, even when you come right up to the glass and offer a little spin in front of him, giggling to yourself a little more freely now. 
And to your amazement, at your laughter, he smiles. He smiles and it makes your chest feel light, like a ten pound weight you hadn’t even been aware of was finally lifted off. Some might find his fanged appearance frightening, to you it was boyishly cute. A toothy little grin, the tips of his elongated enscisors catching against his bottom lip, and his thick, muscular tail began to move. As if, had he possessed legs like yours, they would be moving in tandem with you. 
It felt like a genuine breakthrough, making you hug your arms around yourself as you stopped moving, still laughing and feeling just a tad bit lightheaded. He genuinely smiled at you. 
He was moving with you. 
That was a major breakthrough, even if just a personal one. Increased rapport meant things would be easier going forward, for both of you. 
With a contented sigh you pressed one hand to the smooth, icy surface of the glass, your fingers stretching over the sleek glass and he does something that makes your breath freeze in your lungs. Gingerly, the way people stretch out their hands to scared animals, inch by inch his own rases to be a perfect mirror of your own. One larger, webbed, hand pressed to the glass right behind your own. It felt silly but you were too afraid to even exhale with any effort, for fear even the barest noise would ruin the moment and he would flee right back into the far corners, beyond your reach. 
But he doesn’t, doesn’t stop holding your gaze for a single second and you marvel at the way his blonde hair sways in the water, like the finest strands of silk-
“So, thats why you keep refusing to allow any progress of this “research”?”
You nearly jump out of your skin at the voice from behind you, a signature grating tone you could pick out anywhere. As your head snaps to the side, body following the movement only a second after, you see him standing in the door way with his arms crossed nearly reeking of smugness. 
Fuck. 
~
One week. 
You have one week to figure out what to do. 
After shattering your late night revelation with subject zero, who has been increasingly attached to you ever since, the resident pain in your ass physiologist had made sure to fire off emails riddled with concerns and accusations addressed to the operatives truly in charge of the site. Questions of your ability to continue in any capacity with the project, the nature of your relationship to the subject, insinuating you had some kind of perverse intention, even going so far as to insult your credibility. Not only cc-ing yourself but “mistakenly” sending those emails to every person working on site.
It had effectively turned you into a pariah with regards to your peers. Whispers of conversation that would be cut off as soon as you set foot into a room. Strange looks from your coworkers, ranging from disgust to perverse curiosity. It felt like you were continuously on fire, every minute of every day. There would be a meeting in one weeks time, and until then you were relegated to nothing but the paperwork in your office, per the tense instructions given to you.
But your panic had less to do with your professional reputation, surprisingly, and more to do with feeling very nearly physically sick when you recalled how fixated he was with the idea of getting to cut into subject zero. If you were removed completely from this project there would be no one else to act as a roadblock, to keep that from happening. 
Your eyes slide over to the observation tank, noting the worried way he’s been watching you for hours now. You wished you could haul him out of there, explain what was happening, the risk of what could happen to him. Maybe he would have some idea of how you both could get out of this. But was there any way out? Or is the only option allowing yourself to become a laughingstock, a professional embarrassment and to allow subject zero to languish in whatever horror would surely be inflicted on him? 
You can’t say if desperation is the only thing motivating you, but your mind becomes mostly blank as you leave the office. Its early enough, after you’d been practically climbing up the walls all night, so maybe the choice was fueled by sleep deprivation. Whatever the case may be, you find yourself moving as if through a dream: down the cavernous corridors, turning and twisting to follow the slate grey concrete all the way to the impossibly large main observation chamber. 
With a swipe of your ID card, forcefully and defiantly, the locks give a little beep before disengaging. Mechanically you make your way to where the suits are stored. Specially designed, one of a kind. Made of an interwoven, enmeshed material not unlike chainmail to prevent sharp teeth from being able to puncture both cloth and flesh, and featuring only the best in terms of diving design. The manufacturer had created them after winning a defense contract from the governenment and you wonder if they ever would have guessed someone would be stripping and tugging the suit on in order to come face to face with something most people would assume only existed in a fairytale. 
But here you are: yanking and adjusting the suit before prepping the oxygen tank, also designed to be compact but sacrificing the amount of time one could spend fully submerged at any depth. Either way it would work for this application, although no one had been given clearance to dive yet. 
You knew doing this would come back to bite you far worse than just those vendetta fueled emails. Diving without any clearance, using untested equipment. It was beyond insane. But the circumstances felt insane enough on their own to justify it. Subject zero was overwhelmingly likely to be just as intelligent as you were, and just as likely to feel physical and mental distress in similar ways. Trying to communicate was step one and what better way than face to face. Then you could form step two: proving beyond a reasonable doubt that he was intelligent and thus, could be advocated for medically even if he couldn’t advocate for himself. 
That was the only way to halt the now speeding train of decisions being made on his behalf and without his input. If he could even write out the most barebones statement, even that would work to prove they needed consent to continue with any of this. Tomorrow you could wake up in a whole new world, one where there is technically a second legal classification of human being, one with a tail and gills. The though made you smile despite the tense circumstances. 
What you were doing was a halfcocked, absolutely batshit attempt at a hail mary but it was worth a shot. Your reputation was already in tatters on site, how much worse could it be? If you fail in this all that happens is you’re dismissed and removed from the site, doomed to be a whispered footnote for future researchers. Did you ever hear about the lady that went crazy with one of the subjects? A cautionary tale about getting too attached to your work. 
But fuck that. If you’re not at least a little attached to your work then do you even really care at all about any of it? You would argue that the resident physiologist holds no love for the work, only a love for the idea of something else experiencing pain.
With a deep breath you sit carefully on the steel ledge that runs the length of the tanks open ceiling. Easy, you just flip backwards and hit the water, reorient yourself and try not to get eaten by one potentially pissed off subject. Yeah, a real piece of cake. With that you decide theres no more time to waste, it’s probably already flagged in the system that you accessed the main deck, they’ll be here any minute. 
Good, that means they can all see I’m not insane or inappropriate. He can comprehend things just like we can, the music wasn’t a fluke. 
In the span of a second your worldview dips, swirls, and the splash of water hits your ears at the exact same moment the shock of cold does. The water is kept at approximately the same temperature as the water he was captured in, frigid Atlantic delights. As bubbles envelop you, you manage to get yourself turned right side up, carefully circling your arms to tred water and remain mostly stationary. This would be the key moment, you have to exercise extreme caution. 
You’re another predator that has invaded the territory of a fellow predator. In the natural world, it’s a killable offense. But you keep your eyes open, sweeping the dimly lit, wide expanse of saltwater around you. No sign of him, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t here, watching you, gauging the situation. As you continue to keep your breathing even, your movements slow enough but steady enough to keep your body afloat, you catch sight of something in your peripheral. That intimately familiar midnight blue tail. He was moving behind you now, one webbed, clawed hand slicing through the water like knives as the rest of him came into your view. That sandy, dishwater blonde hair floating in fine tendrils around his face, framing piercing blue eyes that took you in critically, curiously. 
You allow him to keep circling you, doing your best to calm your nervous system that felt on high alert, panic just on the cusp of overriding your sensibilities. Allowing that would spell disaster, you would certanly be killed if you started thrashing or spinning wildly, it would scare him, you could both be injured in any kind of violent altercation. They would kill him if he killed you. 
But your worries abate as he slows to a stop in front of you, and despite your eyes staying locked together you’re conscious of the audience you have on the other side of the glass. The feeling of being watched by many people is something quite unique, it’s also unnerving. You wish you could apologize to him, you hadn’t realized before how uncomfortable literally living beneath a microscope was. 
You raise your arm, hand extended, in a painfully slow movement that makes the muscles in your forearm ache. His attention goes to the appendage now how hanging between you two, eyeing it with equal parts suspicion and what seems to be excitement. The physical equivalent of a high pitched alarm happens in your body as he moves closer to you, the air suddenly locked in your lungs as you wait. This was another critical moment. Would he grasp your hand? Rip it off? It was entirely unknown, beyond dangerous. 
But none of those things happen. The painting, god touching adam, comes to mind as he raises a clawed index finger delicately up to yours. They don’t touch but rather hover in proximity to one another before a grin works its way across his face, those sharp incisors catching against his bottom lip as his eyes flick back to your goggled face. 
You hope he can see that you’re smiling too, but you hope its not like it is with monkeys where grins are signs of aggression. But it seems that fear is unwarranted as his tail twitches erratically, the wispy bits of filigree flesh on the split end swirling through the water in a gorgeous display of deep blue and white. Like sheer fabric winding through the air. 
The ecstasy that floods your brain is a feeling like no other, a full body sensation that spreads from the tips of your fingers to your fabric covered toes. His tail moves to brush against your kicking legs, the heft of it is shocking. You can immediately imagine the sheer power of it kocking into you, it would feel like being hit by a freight train no doubt. For something that looked so elegant and otherworldly, it was still a threat. 
But you couldn’t get distracted you needed some display of his intelligence, and you needed it now. 
So you shake off the awe, do your best to refocus on his face. Carefully you draw back your hand, pointing to yourself and then at him. You repeat the gesture several times, hoping to receive a reaction that displays understanding. 
And he doesn’t keep you waiting long. 
In a flash one clawed, webbed hand encircles your wrist and halts your movement. 
It’s like time suspends, a complete and total pause as you feel a different kind of chill within the suit. It’s like you’re watching in third person, your throat seizing as your fingers intertwine hesitantly. It’s an oddly tender gesture, and then your body is tugged through the weight of the water, pushed against the solidness of his chest. Your arms came gingerly around him, and his enveloped you in turn. He was all firmness, so solidly built it shocked you. You hadn’t properly appreciated the sheer mass of him, the way his body had been crafted for underwater pursuit, hunting. But also to accommodate displays of affection, just like your own. 
And as you two embrace you can’t help but smile again. It wasn’t perfect, but it was enough to form one hell of an argument on his behalf and you would shout until your face was blue that going forward, communication would take priority. Worrying about the innerworkings of his physiology could wait until later.
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py-dreamer · 1 day
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Yea!!! Can you tell I have favorites lol
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so since it's the 20th in my time, it is officially my birthday today!
But I wanted to get this out regardless so kinda count it as the previous day's ig
I will be posting something later today probably but it will most likely just be a compilation of all the cakes I've done thus far.
Ok but um on with the cake!
It's like a cheesecake and I basically copied Tengen's cake with like a jelly filling with fruit suspended in it, peaches (obviously), strawberries and blueberries cause I like them and sod it I'll put them on this goddamn cake!
The thing Wukong's sitting on is one of those peach ice creams that's gotten so popular lately with the sprinkle of pink dust thingy on top.
On either side of the cake is the fillet from the journey and the hat from the brotherhood era, one from his reckless past and one from his redemption and I just think that's neat.
The blue puffy stuff is meant to be his nimbus clouds represented as cotton candy.
I have the baiju jar in there as reference to Wukong becoming immortal again due to the all the wine made from the peaches of immortality at the festival.
The staff as a little candle was so fun! And I like pocky so I chucked them on there to fill space and it looks good so sue me
The grey thing behind the staff and balloon is meant to be the Buddha's hand that trapped him under the mountain and a reference to his imprisonment under 5 phases mountain.
Peach popsicle! Of course I had too! A lil something from the present for our (shadow) peachy friend
Mk's stone as well, had to add his son in there too. The baby ever.
(probably just a cookie but it's the thought that counts)
The two sugar cookies are meant to be his logo (aka the lmk logo) and fireworks, again taken from Tengen's cake.
The sun is a candied/tanghulu esque orange thing. Like an orange slice coated in yellow melted sugar shaped like a sun and the phoenix feather cap since I consider it iconic enough to put in here. I didn't want to put it on him, blocking a lot of the decorations so I just hung it to the side and I think I'm happy with that.
A lot more monkeys here! It was very fun popping them in! I know I only gave Mac 1 but I mean Wukong's the monkey king for a reason. Let him be a loving grandpa and invite his subjects on the cake with him. He granted them immortality by ripping their names out the book of dead, let them have a place on the cake too
Also, yes that is the origami pilgims in the bottom left, I couldn't leave them alone could I?
Now the elephant in the room (or at least in my head), yes I did use @maplesleep's matcha pancake design for flower fruit mountain.
Cake on cake. Bit much but hey, I like cake and pastries better than candy normally so win for me.
And I couldn't just make cake about Sun Wukong without mentioning his home/origins of ffm. I do genuinely love the inginuity and adorableness factor of the pancake design and hope they don't mind me slapping it on my...cheesecake? Jelly cake? Jelly-cheesecake?
(also I have to ask @maplesleep, did you watch the 3rd emirichu anime cafe video, specifically the urusei yatsura cafe as inspiration for the 'sun wukong's strawberry sponge cake punishment' parfait thingy, gorgeously drawn btw I used those drawings as inspiration quite a bit for these cakes, or saw the urusei yatsura collab anime cafe
cause I couldn't help but notice the similarities between that and the 'shinobu's maiden strength parfait' cause if you didn't that be a pretty funny coincidence lol)
So what do you think? You think I could make it as another lmk food chef for lego? Can I join the club lmao?
I do realize in retrospect the disrespect I did Mk by making his cake so plain by comparison to his mentor's. But I think that's a testament to my improvement and attention to detail when making these cakes as the days have progressed!
I consider Mk's in particular to be the most lacking and I lowkey feel so bad for my boi for not giving him the main character status he deserves.
I might draw him again, idk. Not anytime soon though, like I said, I'm quite busy now more than before and I need a break, still glad I could serve y'all another slice of cake though!
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halfthebrain · 23 hours
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I don’t get this hate for Mike while he was an investment banker and fighting Harvey lmao. It was frankly really good TV.
TLDR: The stakes were much higher for Mike and he utilised every trick Harvey has taught him. He’s not the only one to blame just because some viewers can’t understand his motives. Harvey knew though and he forgave Mike, took him back, and even regretted fighting Mike in the first place.
First: obviously Mike would be more invested (pun intended) in winning than Harvey is. It was his first big case and his livelihood was on the line. In case anyone forgot, he never went to uni, he doesn’t have any degree. So this was his chance to get out of committing a felony every day. Sure, he still lied to Sidwell about his credentials but that’s still a lesser crime than pretending to be a lawyer. He left so he wouldn’t put the people he loved at risk.
For Harvey it was just another run of the mill client, a spoiled, entitled rich man child. Was there a lot of money on the table? Obviously. But those are the waters he swims in daily. Billion dollar deals as he said himself. Case in point: he also just drops Logan afterwards. Money be damned.
And Harvey knows this himself. He loves winning, yes, but he loves Mike more.
I actually blame Harvey for being a stubborn asshole and not going with Mike’s plan from the get go, not trusting Mike’s idea and plan, even tho he has consistently profited from them. But, again, this is TV drama so obviously they needed a reason to start a fight.
Second: have we not been watching the same show? It has always been personal to Mike. That’s his whole schtick. He cares. About absolutely, probably everything. He cares about why Walter Gillis started the company (because of his son). He cares about keeping that reason alive. He cares about keeping the workers employed. He empathises deeply, he tries to fight for what he thinks is the right thing. Does that make him a stuck up idealist at times? Yes, but that’s unavoidable. It was never just about winning for Mike, for Harvey it was. If you’re going to hate him for that then at least be a hater from the start.
He was still trying to keep Gillis Industries alive even though Harvey has smeared his name (personal attack) and Walter Gillis has shunned him because of that.
Third: it was all “fair game” despite whatever drama Donna procured in her head about the tapes to insert herself in Mike and Harvey’s fight. She can huff anf puff all she wants but the only person who has a reason to be pissed at Mike would be Harvey. And guess what? He forgave Mike anyway because he realises that Mike did a great job going for the jugular just as Harvey has taught him. He even defended Mike in front of Sidwell, asking him to take Mike back. They didn’t even go toe to toe. Harvey was backed by his entire firm (he’s a name partner), he even let Louis help (he fucked it up), Donna as usual, and lastly, Rachel who was “handling” Logan. Meanwhile Mike was fighting alone. Jonathan Sidwell only pressured him to win, Walter Gillis gave up on him and Amy could only help so much.
Just because Mike is on the other side now using the same methods Harvey taught him doesn’t mean that he’s the “bad guy”. Like I have said many times; they’re both the worst and deserve each other.
Bonus: while all of that was going on Rachel also thought it would be a wonderful idea to keep going back to Logan’s place and then to almost fuck him :).
Are you really, honestly hating on Mike right now?
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jean-dieu · 2 days
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All my protag from Dragon Age!! An idiot, an idiot, a sweetheart.
With very important informations regarding them of course.
Below the cut is just me rambling about them with actual informations, you can ignore LMAO
Artemis Tabris is a city elf with a fierce personality. Extremely stubborn, he refuses to stay silent in front of whatever discrimination he and his people can face. He's extremely protective of his friends and his family. Of course, it was only a matter of time before he would do something that would put him in big troubble. When his wedding day is interrupted in the worst way possible, he seeks vengeance for all the women, not caring for the consequences. He was glad to become a grey warden, as he thought it would give him the opportunity to finally be properly respected and to protect his family more than ever. He did lack the proper discipline though, often just doing whatever he wanted to do. His main past time is annoying Alistair, mostly by rubbing his relationship with Morrigan in his face. It started as more or less of a fling, but he grew very attached to her in the end, even going as far as searching for her despite everything. In the end, he gives up, and ends up with Zevran instead, and the two men manage to find happiness in life.
"Nacht" Hawke will never say his real name because he thinks it's lame. No, he's a hero, he's the main character, he's so cool, so he gets to name himself. He's a sarcastic piece of shit. He loves to annoy Carver, and the two of them doesn't go along. Despite his many flaws, he values friendship more than anything. Varric is his bff for life, and at this point they probably have matching tramp stamps tattoos. He's fiercly pro-mage, not exactly like Anders. Nacht's point of view is just "I was born like this and I just think I deserve the right to live". He's in general very against people in position of powers and in favor of the common folks. There's not a day that goes with him and Fenris fighting then kissing right after. He resented Carver when he chose to join the Templar, but they both made peace in the end, agreeing that they'll never manage to get along, but accepting to protect each other because they're family.
Aloysius Lavellan would gladly do anything else instead of being the Inquisitor. Still, the weight of the world on his shoulders is too overwhelming to ignore, and he's doing his very best to lead the organization to success. What he lacks in leadership and charisma, he makes up with determination. Cullen is coaching him for public speaking, and Josephine to polish his public image. Aloysius is in general too soft and too gentle to be a leader. He's shy, introverted, anxious, and always wondering if he did the right thing. Still, with a bit of help, he actually manages to become a worthy leader, respected for his humility and overall kindness with his men. He still doesn't know how he managed to secude Iron Bull but he's very happy about it and he loves him so very much. He tends to be kind of naive but he's very knowledgable on the world. He knows everything about plants and can rambles about them for hours. He's friends with every companion. He's a great mage, and he's always eager to improve his skills and magic, and he's not the type of man to rest on his laurels.
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cdroloisms · 18 hours
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also, (sorry to soapbox, i promise this will be the last of it), as an added note to the little conversation from yesterday about dreblr--i have to say that there's been ,,, uh, a slightly concerning amount of "us versus them" rhetoric especially about c!tommy apologists recently, as far as i've observed. and look, i get how the fandom's history plays into this, but dreblr isn't some separate special "better" version of the dsmp fandom. we're just dsmp fans who tend positive towards c!dream, which is a valid way of enjoying the story, but you know, so's hating c!dream's guts, lmao. people aren't unable to have valid opinions on the story or on c!dream just because they're negative about him and positive about c!tommy, which is like, literally just normal too, lmao, c!tommy is the generally good-aligned character we follow for most of the story and c!dream is the generally evil-aligned character that hurts him? being an analyst in dreblr doesn't automatically equal being "more correct" just because it's dreblr, and dismissing others' opinions just because they're a c!tommy apologist or whoever apologist isn't exactly a helpful way of approaching meta, either.
obviously no one is obligated to interact with anyone in this fandom that they don't want to interact with--we're here to have fun, it's not actually a professional field of analysis and debate. that being said, there is nothing about liking c!dream that is inherently superior to other dsmp fans. i know i've made a lot of general posts about dreblr versus "the greater fandom" which probably haven't helped with this feeling -- they're largely generalizations based on my experience in this fandom, and i don't want to come off as meaning that bad analysis is something that is Only found outside of dreblr (i've definitely been guilty of shit analysis more than a few times, lol) or that there's nothing that the rest of the fandom outside of c!dream apologist spaces has to offer. when it comes to individual enjoyment of the fandom and the characters, the point im making isn't that everyone has to do outreach to communicate with a c!tommy apologist or anything, lmao -- just that, you know, the general shady comments about how much better we are at analysis than those darn c!tommy apologists when they're not really relevant don't reeeeeally have to be as common as they are.
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hibiscusseaart · 2 days
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family headcanons! really leaning onto Hatake side
Thinking about how out of all the kids Motoko who is the most Uchiha looking, Uchiha jutsu, future clan head, acts A LOT like Hatake. She'd devour a steak with blood, as a kid she'd bite everyone.
Many people thought that she gets it from Madara, cuz he looks like he's fucked up in the head ( i mean they are correct but he didn't bite ppl and doesn't like blood and raw meat in his food). But no, it's actually Hatake blood from Tobirama.
Nari would be quite the Hatake too cuz she'd be like "I need to challenge every single authority to make sure they have the right to boss me around"
Akemori, even if he looks the most Hatake, he has more Senju temper and behaviour. But he did bite, cuz that's how they do that in the family. But actually if you let any child to bite without consequences and even encouraging it, they would.
Tobirama would be "ah the normal child behaviour". He'd gently bite all of his kids and ofc Madara too. He's a mate now after all.
Sometimes Tobirama even playfights his pups. For Uchiha it'd quite a culture shock, cuz they got used to ethereal, calm and graceful clan head's spouse. To see him goofing around with his kids and throwing them in the dirt and sometimes biting them. Who does that?!
Madara is perfectly okay with that, even though he had to get used to a child regularly nibbling his arms or neck. Izuna, unexpectedly, took it well. He'd bite his nephew and nieces out of spite, cuz how DARE they.
Also Nari looks a lot like Tobirama and Izuna's daughter. Plus when she grows up she'd also wear a ponytail. Madara is torn cuz he loves his brother very much, but also it's HIS daughter.
also idk if Izuna would marry and have his own kids. he's too busy suspecting Tobirama and spoiling his nieces and nephew.
Oh, I forgot to talk about their senses! All the kids are quite good sensors, cuz, Tobirama is one, Madara too, so it's only logical. In the future Uchiha would actually possess a nice line of sensors in the main branch.
So from best to worst: Tobirama. Akemori, Nari, Madara, Motoko.
Motoko isn't the best sensor, but she inherited Hatake's nose! She hates spicy food bc of it and actually bland food. It's her very not-Uchiha trait, that made her a nightmare to feed when she was a child. Uchiha like their food really seasoned*.
Motoko's fav food is steak with blood and sashimi.
** interesting thought occured to me, Senju probably grow many plants, food and spices as well. It was probably a tradition that came around when not only Hashirama was the Mokuton wilder but many in the clan. I believe it was hard to keep Mokuton babies alive bc or the violent nature of it. Imagine how actually happier Uchiha became when they could buy spices SO much cheaper than to import it from somewhere else. Plus of course it's much more cheaper to buy food from close by Senju and then in the village. One of the reasons not to be against peace :)
Ofc the minute Tobirama's aunt - the Hatake clan head - hears that he has his own pup, she'd get the whole clan to go to Konoha for a visit!
Uchiha, and other clans are terrified. Hatake don't have a nice reputation and now the whole clan wants to visit??? With kids (which they're very possessive and protective) and huge wolves??? And the Hokage lets them cuz the clan head is his aunt???? No wonder Senju are so weird sometimes.
While the Hatake visit, every clan prays that it's just a visit and that they would leave (lmao no). Not only cuz they're freaky, but also of their continuous reputation of adopting any stray children.
Clans clam up and don't let their kids out of their sight.
Uchiha are especially fucked cuz the Hatake plan to visit them especially. Fucking "thank you", Tobirama, what the fuck.
And Tobirama is entirely calm about it. He treats like the usual thing ever. So when good portion of the clan goes through gates, they just SWARM Tobirama and little Motoko (she's probably a year old at this point), scenting them and trying to take a good look at the baby. Ofc they bear gifts. Meat, furs, weaponry. Maybe even wolf pup for the baby!
Though maybe at first the clan head didn't really want to acknowledge Motoko (like with Hashirama*), cuz she has really Uchiha coloring and face, so she's not really a Hatake. But Motoko started her little growls and yips and anxiously biting Tobirama cuz of many new people and smells and Tobirama's aunt was like "Oh, okay, she's one of us"
** I like the idea of Hatake clan head, who doesn't really think Hashirama is a Hatake and he's heartbroken by it. But, I think it's not because of the coloring or how he acts. I think it's mostly cuz she HATES Butsuma and when they meet for the first time Hashirama was really hero worshipping his father and it ticked Hatake off. So she probably never actually try to connect with Hashirama again cuz she's still sure that Hashirama is the same as Butsuma.
Maybe Butsuma took her sister as a bride in a marriage hunt and Hatake were pissed, but accepted it, cuz Senju are much stronger and have more ppl. If they'd angered Senju they'd be destroyed.
Because of it, Tobirama never actually considered to make Madara his husband this way. Plus I think for this to work the way he wanted (to infiltrate Uchiha) he needed to be the one who marries in the clan and if he'd try to do that with Madara it would work the other way around.
(i adopted many of @oh-no-its-bird hcs about Hatake clan if you can tell)
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RIP Will Campos the only person who was murdered this episode.
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willowser · 6 months
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in a way that i think katsuki can be flustered by intimacy, i think shouto is just plain as day curious.
situations like when you're pressed up against each other on a busy train car, leaning into a familiar touch rather than the unknown, i think shouto has no qualms about being so obvious. you glance up at him shyly, heat burning down your chest, and he's just looking at you, open and unashamed.
so close that you can see him catalogue you, explore in ways he maybe never has before; eyes flitting over the width of your nose and the curve of your lips and your each individual lash. just learning, in the most innocent and interested manner, the new bits of you he'll think of when you're not together.
i think in moments like this that could be deemed romantic—two people in their quiet corner, staring so deeply into the other's face, a breath apart—he's easily engaged, but i don't know if he realizes the significance of it. why it means what it means and why it will affect him uniquely, later on. all the lines you're crossing.
that's also why being kissed by him comes as a complete surprise to you, because i don't think he's planning any of it. he just wants to know, is all, and there's plenty to figure out, with you.
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dailyloopdeloop · 3 months
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loop and mirabelle. That's it that's the ask
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DAY 84: enrolled in the gossip wars
#codacheetah#isat#loop isat#mirabelle isat#isat spoilers#vaguely. mostly for the tags#i think it'd be sooo funny if like. loop and mirabelle postcanon.#loop has rejoined the party somewhat recently and they are not at all adapting. to be honest. reunion probably happened too soon#bc they are a siffrin which means they are disgustingly sentimental. their ass is not taking the time to discover themself as a new person.#do you really think loop is gonna take their own advice.lol.#lmao even#Ok so anyways i think the party and loop would have a weird thing going on#like theyre all extremely grateful to loop. and they trust loop through the general basis of theyre apparently very dear to siffrin#but fucking nobody knows what to make of this bitch. odile knows they are hiding Something but she has no certain evidence to pin it down.#isabeau can't catch loop alone for more than 5 seconds. has the distinct sense they're avoiding him and he does not know why#bonnie....well tbh i think they'd vibe with loop. bonnie win.#mirabelle. i think she wouldn't really like loop? not at first anyways#do you remember in sasasap mirabelle telling siffrin(loop) that for a long time she thought they were a callous sort of person#bc they never took anything seriously at all. like the whole journey didnt mean anything. until they took an eye for bonnie#i think mirabelle would catch a similar vibe towards loop(lol.) bc like#like loop's main presence in the group is negging siffrin and being weird and dodgy around everyone else#i don't even think they'd be mean to the others but they would do everything in their power to throw the party zero bones#so all mirabelle has to go on for loop is that they're kind of a dickhead to her friend and that they're not receptive to normal group#social activities. i think being on the receiving end of mirabelle's kindness would make loop kind of sad and she'd pick up on it#but like. loop is inexplicably important to siffrin. she doesn't know the details bc neither of them want to talk at all about the loops#and i think siffrin would be especially dodgy abt talking about loop in the interrim between them rejoining and them being Presumed Dead#so mirabelle tries a new strategy to bridge the gap between her and loop. the power of Mutual Haterism#more specifically i think mirabelle would get the impression of loop as being much more of a bitch than they actually are#due to the aforementioned siffrin negging#so like. maybe that's just how they socialize maybe they'd be down to talk about hot takes and gossip a bit
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remembered @hehe-hoho-ohno's misfits au it's sooooo good and i love it. CHEERS AND APPLAUSE. YAY
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mrehkka · 7 months
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Zim already has a snatched waist- but then he discovers corsets and suddenly Dib NOTICES his figure lmao
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cuteniarose · 1 month
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The consequences of my poor financial decisions are here!!
#blame Kat for this lmao. she got the Yangchen novels first and I very easily give in to peer pressure (that wasn't exerted. but whatever)#three days earlier than scheduled too. which worked out perfectly bc I picked them up on the way home from grandma's#and carried them for 2 km. 2 hardcover books + the thick cardboard boxset they're in#+ the backpack full of food my grandma gave me#in the rain#I nearly fucking died#I'm not made for this level of physical exercise 😅#okay moving on#nia stop calling things like this poor financial decisions challenge#it cost like. the equivalent of 40 bucks#I have 30 times as much hidden away in my sock drawer#and I am usually responsible with my spending. I'm allowed a slightly more expensive treat every once in a while#also my dad doesn't know but I'm sure if I would him 'hey I spent 3.8k on a pair of books is that okay'#he'd be like 'why tf are you asking when have I ever said no to you spending money'#but again. I do try to be mindful#which is why as much as I want the lok art books and could probably ask for money for them. I won't#bc they cost an arm and a leg and I cannot morally allow myself to spend that kind of money#anyway. getting distracted again#do you know how hard it was to get these? I checked like 3 marketplaces before I did#and I was fully ready to get them in russian because non-classical english books are impossible to come by here#sanctions and all that. but somehow I did. and it only cost half the money in my bank account#I don't even know if Russian editions exist. these books were written before the war and before the gay propaganda ban but still#I didn't find them when I looked. maybe they don't sell them now that the law is in place or smth#I don't really care enough to look it up#the point is. I now own the books and can happily read about best girl kyoshi whenever I want#if the stress for an upcoming event doesn't kill me. that is#also I have read rok before but it was 3 years ago so my memory is vague. and I just realised how much thinner sok is?#I'll have to check the page count later
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higgs-the-god · 21 hours
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wanted to do the hev suits like this started out to be but! well! gordo lineup
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carcarrot · 4 months
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do i really want to make individual drinks again
#reaching back into the file cabinets of my mind to remember how i made certain drinks when i worked at the cafe#in preparation for the possibility of this new job#it would certainly mean far less goofing off time than i have at my current job. and i value my goofing off time dearly#but the people here are so fucking annoying lmao. i hate them soooo much#not that the people at this new job would be any better. we're still dealing with investment bankers#godddddd. what i really would want (which would be impossible)#would be to go back to working at the cafe but like. still have paid time off and insurance lmao#but the cafe was a small business and he was not offering paid time off and insurance. and the pay was way less#but i did get to play whatever music i wanted. unfortunately you cant live on that#like i can always say no to this new job if its offered to me. but is my goofing off time worth:#2 dollars less in pay and a half hour to an hour's more commute. well i dont know#a shorter commute would mean i could sleep more. and have more time at home .#i mean i probably don't Need all this goofing off time. but its nice#i dont knowwwwwww#like even though im a bit nervous abt doing it again i know that i would easily fall back into the routine of making drinks#which i was fairly good at. my one drawback is that i cant do latte art but i dont know that theyd really care here#and (because i found the menu of where id work) theres not a ton of drink options?? just the standard stuff#its being called a starbucks cafe but 1) its not managed by them and 2) it does not have their 5 billion drink options#so thats good. less to worry about#doesnt look like i even have to make anything foodwise which i had to at the cafe#here it looks like people can just buy a pastry and thats it#the hours are like. the same i work now. also good#sorry im like using this post to think through my thoughts.#uhhhh oh i looked up the manager who looks like a weenie so im not keen on the prospect of interviewing with him#but i probably would have thought that about my current manager if id seen a pic of him prior to interviewing. i guess???#and with these kind of catering units it seems you dont often deal directly with the manager that much anyway#i just gotta see if i get good vibes#rn i have unsure vibes. but i need a sign to see if this could be good for me#oh id also save money on transportation. and taxes! bc i wouldnt be working in ny anymore#lol oops tag limit. well i hope you enjoyed my job thoughts you probably didnt i know i didnt
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hm
thinking of my blorbos but not in a "i love you you love me all is well" way but a "i love you hope you kill me" way lol
#cylas vents#negativity#negative#death wish#lmao#bitches be like '[potentially concerning thing]' and then add 'lol' as if it's funny or a joke lmao#like i mean technically it's not but then again it is bc it's me. like yeah don't worry don't take this seriously don't mind me ok#it doesn't really matter anyway kk. or maybe it's more like I'm the joke.#like idk the thought that like most of my f/os would probably kill me on sight should be less comforting than it is i guess#imagine casually making posts like this and still being like 'ok but maybe im not actually mentally ill maybe im faking maybe im lying to#myself maybe im making excuses maybe im imagining things maybe im just lazy' etc etc#none of the antidepressants since fluoxetine decided it's over have done shit and even my psychiatrist now is always like 'hm. so do you#want to keep trying other things' and like yeah what else can i do? therapy didnt do anything for this specific issue and the tagesklinik#lady didnt really seem to get my issue (well her suggestions for like therapy groups or whatever were more about socialising or whatever#like ??? girl that's really not the main problem here lmao but she also did have a point about how i would have to actually go there every#day etc but like#what else am i supposed to do#hi i am always tired and sometimes struggle to even get out of bed and thats why i worry about getting a job or something bc it could become#too much or whatever but like unfortunately thats kind of a requirement for everything lmao#when psychiatrist asks what i want/expect or whatever i am internally like 'a magic pill that just fixes everything and makes me a normal#functional human being' but like that's just not A Thing (tm)#so. like. what else am i supposed to do.#i don't want to be like this forever#idk how to tag lmai#using stuff like#tw suicidality#tw suicidal#tw suicidal ideation#just feels so over the top and like i dont have the right to use them lol
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