#this is pretty much the reason why I haven’t been making any self shipping posts lately because I haven’t been in the mood to draw anything

[toasty-self-shipping]

So update it’s been 5 days since we haven’t had power and I had three mental breakdowns but we still keep going on

[emmyrosee]

GUESS WHO’S BACK!!! WITH ANOTHER RANT!!! your resident haikyuu simp, that’s who. (a simp who is currently listening to her friend argue w her bf send help this is so awkward)

Today I offer: sunarin teasing a (slightly) jealous reader.

Okay so let’s just say that your relationship was more on the private side- no one outside of friends, his teammates and family knew he was dating anyone. But you’ve been together for so long?? Like years. And his fans for some reason seem to think he’s been dating some other public figure (up to your imagination) bc they’ve been at the same events a couple times now and somehow keep ending up in pics together. These two have like, never spoken aside from awkward small talk to be polite. Very un-relationship like. So anyway. You’re starting to not like the fact that every single time you open social media you’re flooded with fan pages shipping them, and Suna picks up on this and just??? Posts you one day??? Randomly??? And it’s both the sweetest and most annoying thing ever bc aww cute caption and stuff but “really, rin, did you NEED to add the picture of us from two years ago when my hair looked like that?” (He might have also posted a suggestive pic of you two or a video of you kissing or something at the end and you just haven’t scrolled that far yet so he basks in the peace and hides away before he can hear your shriek when you realize hehe)

Either way it’s sweet and things calm down after that, but he teases you RELENTLESSLY about the fact you were jealous and makes it known that you’re the only one for him ever. and that he would never even make you jealous on purpose or anything, he just likes the feeling of belonging to you as much as you belong to him <3

I’m just soft for rin, my next couple rants might be suna-centric :3

anon <3

WOULD LIGHT MYSELF ON FIRE FOR ONE (1) SUNA RINTARO, HE IS THE LOML AND I WILL ABSOLUTELY DEVPUR ALL THE RINTARO RANTS-

Ahem.

He’s a shit. I love him so much.

Because like, yeah, okay, paparazzi are the worst, and while he’s still able to live his life like a standard person, he knows what people do to celebrities who are in relationships, and he doesn’t want to put you through that. Your friends respected that, his teammates completely close lipped -atsumu actually has it in his interview agreements he’s never to talk about any relationships, and honestly, it’s been a life saver for so many of his teammates- but nothings perfect.

Sometimes, like an idiot, Rin leaves the house with hickeys on full display. Just. Out and about. The media loves that, and usually, Rintaro doesn’t even care, whatever makes them happy.

But then it happens.

He gets out of a limo at a sponsor event, with a ‘mysterious woman,’ dress shirt wrinkled and tux closed haphazardly.

And of course, a hickey just above the pristine white collar.

This. Blows. Up.

Because of course it does, and of course people now assume this woman is the one who leaves marks on your boyfriends body, and how cool he is for dating someone uNdErGrOuNd and whatever the bloody hell they try to spew.

And it hurts, okay, because this woman- Atsumu’s stylist, literally because the man child can’t go one damned day without spilling something on himself, and that’s actually why she was helping Rin, dumbass spilt champagne all over his-damn-self- is very obviously not his partner, you are, and it’s just. It sucks watching them get fan edits and theories on how long they’re been together when you know the truth.

It turns you pretty sour towards him, almost resentful, and he tries to remind you that it’s just a rumor and you’re the only soul he’d ever want to be with, but it gets hard to believe when you open your Instagram and it’s about how stunning “Rin’s girlfriend” is.

And you, obviously, are not that person. You’re you.

Instead of sitting together, you’re sitting on one end of the couch, far from him; he tries to snuggle, and you get up and leave the room. Instead of holding his hand in the car, his hand tries desperately to paw for yours or even your thigh, just to hold onto you, but you turn towards the window. Instead of going with him places when he goes to see his buddies, you croak out an extremely sad “how about you go with the pretty lady who gives you hickeys?”

He feels bad for you, obviously. But in his own mind, he’s at his breaking point. He needs your attention and affection, he thrives and breathes and lives because of it, and now he’s losing his mind that he hasn’t had it for weeks.

So, against telling you, and hoping to smother any other rumors about himself and Atsumu’s stylist, he makes his post.

None of them have your whole face, maybe an eye or a smile or wearing a mask (he put some thought into this okay-) but it’s very obviously not the stylist. He posts a picture of a shadow in which your hands are holding, the next one is a picture you took, where your hand was shaped in half a heart and on the other end, he held up the other half to match, and finally, a video; one where he’s laying on top of you with his eyes closed, your hand in his hair and scratching his scalp while he sleepily mumbles how much he loves you (the last video is actually one he took of you suckling and marking up his neck, his raspy breath on the other end; extremely not safe for the internet, and naturally, when you saw that, you shit your pants and chased him with a shoe, but that’s not the point.)

It’s something he clearly wanted to fix, but also wanted to keep you as safe as possible. And you certainly appreciate it, and when you see what he did and how the comments are now hyping you up, you shuffle your way to find him. He’s on the couch, carding his own hair, and smiling up at you as you approach him.

“Thank you,” you whisper, and he shifts one of the legs sprawled out on the couch to rest on the floor so you can lay between them, which you do. “I hated being so far from you but… but I couldn’t-“

“I get it,” he assures, nosing softly at you. “It wasn’t fair to you. I know how much you hated it.”

“She was very pretty, though,” you confess, and he lowers his eyes to peek at you through his lashes.

“You think so?” He asks, shrugging as you nod. “Wasn’t really my type.”

[steddieunderdogfics]

This week’s writer spotlight feature is: foresthearts! @kiaramori has 11 fics in the Stranger Things fandom and 7 of them are in the Steddie tag!

Our anonymous nominator recommends the following works by @kiaramori:

Suspended Bridges

Consensual Catfishing

Just Because You've Done It Before Doesn't Mean You'll Do It Better

In My Head (I See a Supercut of Us)

finding a cozy place in you

I read her first Steddie fic (Suspended Bridges) as it was updating and I fell in love!! The world building and plot in that fic, compared with the writing make it absolutely irresistible. I've been reading all of her fics since then and there have been no misses! Every single one is incredible. Can't recommend them enough ❤️❤️ -- anonymous

Below the cut, foresthearts answered some questions about their writing process and some of their recommended work!

Why do you write Steddie?

I heard that a lot of times when people ship things, it’s a character they project onto with a character they’re attracted to. I find that I feel both things towards Steddie: I can somewhat project onto both of them to a degree, and then I also find them both pretty attractive. So it’s the best of both worlds (lol). I also think that both Steve and Eddie are at this really cool point in their life. After high school there’s a lot of self-discovery. Finding your own independence, figuring out who you are, deconstructing the messages you were raised with, finding your path…I think that’s a really cool time to write about.

What’s your favorite trope to READ?

One of my favorite tropes for this pairing is Kas!Eddie. I really like fics where Eddie is a vampire, they’re great. Another favorite trope with these two is idiots-to-lovers. I love the way both these guys can be dumbasses for different reasons.

What’s your favorite trope to WRITE?

I think miscommunication (in a playful way, not so much an angsty way) is a favorite for me. Especially oblivious!Steve. Anything I can do to maneuver Steve into a slutty little outfit and have Eddie thirsting over him, I love it. Especially when Steve has no clue Eddie is thirsting over him. I think I have that in almost every single fic I write.

What’s your favorite Steddie fic?

I have so many, it’s hard to list just one. “Sub-culture” by palmviolet was the first Steddie fic I read, so it has a special place in my heart. I’d also say “Rock of Ages” by BoudicaMuse and “You’re Divine” by OonionChiver. One I’m reading currently is called “House of Pain” by mynameis152. It features Steve and Eddie in a group home, and I really like the exploration of both of their characters.

Is there a trope you’re excited to explore in a future work but haven’t yet?

I have a fic I’ve half-written with Merman!Eddie and Grad Student in Marine Biology!Steve (extremely loosely based off the chinese novel Desharow Merman). I think that’s one I’d love to explore in more depth.

What is your writing process like?

My process usually starts with daydreaming up a certain scene. Then, I’ll kind of expand it from there. Sometimes, I’ll take notes or write short outlines at night to get my thoughts down. Then, I’ll usually write a first draft. Something that’s pretty stream-of-consciousness. I don’t worry about it sounding good. Then I’ll delete most of my first draft and start over with a second, keeping only the parts I like the most.

Do you have any writing quirks?

I’m not sure if other people do this, but I think a quirk of mine is how much I’ve come to enjoy rewriting things. It’s not unusual for me to write half a chapter, delete the whole thing, and then start over again. I find that I typically like the second draft a lot better than the first. When I was younger, it was such a struggle to delete things and start over. It felt like I was erasing all my hard work. But now, I just see it as part of the process.

Do you prefer posting when you’ve finished writing or on a schedule?

This is a funny question for me because my favorite way to do things was definitely how I did Suspended Bridges. I had about 80% of the plot written before I posted anything, and as I posted each chapter, I could comfortably go back and edit each chapter/add foreshadowing/add substance to the fic before posting it. But I haven’t done it that way since then; now I pretty much post things as I write them.

Which fic are you most proud of?

I think I’m most proud of Suspended Bridges, partially because it’s the longest fic I’ve ever written, so I’m pretty proud of the work that went into it. I also am pretty proud of Just Because You’ve Done it Before, Doesn’t Mean You’ll Do It Better. It’s my most recent one, and I can feel myself growing as a writer as I write it.

How did you get the idea for Suspended Bridges?

Suspended Bridges is really an amalgamation of a lot of different pieces of inspiration. I think at the time, there weren’t a ton of omegaverse fics out for the pairing. I had a lot of omegaverse headcanons for the characters and how they would fit into an alternate season four. Since there weren’t a lot of fics out at the time, I figured if I wanted something that was so specific (canon divergence, Steve being a secret omega, life-saving mating bonds, etc) then I was going to have to write it myself.

When writing Suspended Bridges, what was something you didn’t expect?

I’d have to say 1. the writing process, and 2. the reception. Firstly, it was a really unique fic for me in that it was so easy to write. It felt like the words just flowed out of me. I wrote the first 60,000 words of it largely on my phone while on vacation. I just couldn’t stop writing. It was more than I’d ever written in one sitting before. Secondly, I was not expecting the reception it got at all. It is far and away the most popular thing I’d ever written, and I was so floored at the amazingly kind comments people wrote and the way it was able to resonate with so many people.

What inspired Just Because You've Done It Before Doesn't Mean You'll Do It Better?

I really like Time Travel Fix-Its, they’re one of my favorite types of fics. I watched this clip where a comedian was talking about how if he went back in time, he’d be effectively useless. And I thought to myself, “what would it be like to have someone go back in time and kind of mess things up even more?” which is what inspired this fic. Steve’s back in season 1, trying to change the past so that things can go better…but it’s a harder job than he expects. There’s a lot that he doesn’t know, and his assumptions about the world can often cloud his judgment.

What was your favorite part to write from Consensual Catfishing?

I think my favorite part was just all the little internet references. Consensual Catfishing was really fun to write because it was a bit of a love letter to my own fandom experiences. My favorite part might’ve been in chapter 1 when we see the clip of the 1DxY/N fic parody. I was laughing pretty hard as I wrote that. I also just liked all the little clips of Hellfire’s DnD podcast. I really enjoyed writing their friendship.

How do/did you feel writing In My Head (I See a Supercut of Us)?

Uh…horny? Haha Supercut was one of the most explicit fics I’d written and so sometimes I would kind of post it while blushing bright red haha. It was fun, though. I think comedy is a bit of a niche for me. I really like to write stuff that makes me laugh, and Supercut was definitely that. Steve’s first fantasy he gets dragged into cracks me up every time.

What was the most difficult part of writing finding a cozy place in you?

I think the hardest part was just making it short. I suck at writing one-shots, I typically like leaning into the conflict of the story and making some elaborate worldbuilding. But this one I wanted to be soft and sweet, to feel a bit like curling up on the sofa with a warm cup of tea. It was a different vibe than I usually write, so it definitely stretched me.

Do you have a favorite scene and/or line from any of your fics?

I think one of my favorite scenes is in Suspended Bridges, when I rewrote the fight against Vecna. There were a lot of powerful moments: Max, Dustin and El all standing up to Vecna at various moments, Steve playing Dustin’s song to stop his possession….then the life-saving bond right after that. That was definitely a highlight for me.

Do you have any upcoming projects or fics you’d like to share/promote?

Right now I’m mainly looking at my current projects, rather than any future ones. If there’s one I’d promote, it would be “Just Because You’ve Done it Before, Doesn’t Mean You’ll Do It Better” It’s an omegaverse time-travel fic, where a gruff alpha Steve goes back into his season 1 (unpresented) body. He wants to change the past, save Barb, and get Nancy back, but there’s a lot he doesn’t know. And things get pretty off the rails when he presents as an omega in the new timeline.

Thank you to our author, foresthearts, and our anonymous nominator! See more of @kiaramori works featured on our page throughout the day!

Writer’s Spotlight is every Wednesday! Want to nominate an author? You can nominate them here!

[hxhhasmysoul]

Thanks for sharing your fics recs (especially the KilluGon) most in your list, I have not read them yet... 🤩🌻 Also, love your analysis and reviews, thanks for sharing them....

Okay, so as ItaFushi and SatoSugu shipper, I was curious about SukuIta ship. You are the first person (that I know of and follow) that ship them...Hope you don't mind if I ask you a few things. What do you think are Sukuna and Itadori’s greatest personality strengths and weaknesses? Why? What do you love about their dynamic? What make you ship them?

Also, you're the first person that I follow that don't like Gojo (even not entered him in your top 5 fav charas). I don't mean anything negative...I just find it interesting. As a Gojo lover (he's my 2nd fav after Yuji) I found your reasons for disliking him pretty reasonable and I love your metas.....

Happy holiday....

Thank you for your kind words. And I’m glad that my Gojou negativity doesn’t put you off. I haven’t been very kind in my posts about him, they are very ranty. My top charas are honestly related to how much I think about them and how excited I am for scenes with them for various reasons. And like for example Kirara is absolutely on the list of characters I’m always excited for, or: Miwa, Hana, Toudou, Junpei, Nanami, Higuruma, Maki, Uraume, Tengen or Yuki. Gojou used to be on this list because I actually enjoyed how flawed he is, it was: wow this man! A bit like watching an accident happen. But I also find his position in the jujutsu world interesting. Fandom soured me on him and that’s on me. 

______

As to the fic recs, if you enjoy killugon I have reblogged some hxh and killugon fics rec lists over the years: x, x, x, x, x, x, x.

______

“What do you think are Sukuna and Itadori’s greatest personality strengths and weaknesses? Why?”

Yuuji has it all. He has this sweet side, he’s silly, cute, compassionate and has people skills. But he also has a darker side. He’s lonely, has unprocessed issues concerning forming relationships with others, he doesn’t value himself too much, he has the tendency to blame himself, it makes him suicidal eventually. 

He can be very introspective and self aware but he sometimes chooses not to do that, like his refusal to think about his parents, or he can use it against himself to bash himself with guilt because he can over analyse his shortcomings. Yuuji both seeks connection and doesn’t easily let people know him too closely. 

He’s also very smart and adaptable. He learns very fast, he can analyse a situation well and employ tactics that will often make him succeed in what he’s doing. 

He also has good intuition, like in how he befriends Junpei, how he doesn’t want to be around Megumi during the culling games, or with plans on how to save Megumi. 

Because he wants to connect with people he doesn’t always know when to put his foot down. He’s very good at asserting himself against people who are bullies and who are hostile towards him, like Sukuna and Mahito. With people he cares about though he’s not really good at that. He will argue but with for example Megumi and Gojou he will fall in line. They intimidate him to an extent, they seem knowledgeable and powerful in ways he isn’t. He defers to their judgement despite them failing him.  

Sukuna is funny in his contrasts. I’ve once written that he’s full of shit. He’s the opposite of Yuuji because he refuses to introspect, to analyse himself. He of course has a huge ego so he has a very specific attitude towards people who exert any form of power over him. He gives Kenjaku the cold shoulder and tries to ignore them as much as possible. (Tell us why, Gege. Heian flashback when ;-;) Towards Yuuji he’s just irritable, disrespectful and petty. 

He’s very nerdy about jujutsu, it’s very clear he enjoys it and he enjoys fighting. He believes that others matter only as much as he can get some enjoyment or entertainment out of them. Which is actually not entirely true, because he very clearly has a friendship with Uraume and he’s very mindful of Uraume’s feelings in it. As I said, not self aware. 

______

“What make you ship them?”

The process of elimination. It will be a story XD

When I first read and watched JJK, I came out of it caring very deeply about Yuuji. I liked other characters but Yuuji was and still is special to me. 

In fandom I primarily seek three things: 

1. Art of the characters I like because I just like art and also it gives me extra emotions.

2. Meta and discussions, because I enjoy over analysing stuff and making theories.

3. Extra emotions in the form of fics. I’m only in two fandoms, they both traumatised my favs very deeply. I want to experience other things with the favs. I want them in situations. (mostly long form AUs but not all AUs, I’m picky XD)

With Gon and Killua, point 3 was easy. I find their romantic ship close to canon, I love them both, I wanted more of that.

With Yuuji I wanted something good for him. I wanted him to be prioritised and on the receiving end of love. I wanted someone to care as deeply about him as he does for others. 

So I went on ao3 and started to look into the tags. 

The first one I checked out was ItaJun. I like Junpei, I think he’s an interesting character. Yuuji and Junpei’s canon interactions can be read as pre crush stuff. They hit it off very quickly, share the passion for films. Are capable of talking honestly about deeper and darker things. Most fics in that rather short tag were from Junpei’s pov. Made him very mopy, soft and fragile, introverted in this stereotypical way. And Yuuji was there as the manic pixie dream boy. Next.

So I looked into the ItaFushi tag. It was long so I had hope. Even though I was and am ambivalent about Megumi. And I don’t particularly like his dynamic with Yuuji in canon. I mentioned it above, it’s about the misplaced deference that Yuuji shows Megumi. And Megumi thinking he’s much smarter than he is. Most fics in that tag were from Megumi’s pov. Made him very mopy, soft and fragile, introverted, melancholic and overly intellectual. And Yuuji was there as the manic pixie dream boy. But also dumber than Megumi. Like in the KilluGon tag you can find fics like that too, fics from Killua’s pov by people who don’t care about Gon. In both tags there will also be these kinds of fics but written by people who seem to dislike the “sunshine” character. It’s not just that they find that character to be a tool to make their fav feel better, but that they are kinda upset about it. There are few fics in that tag that I liked, though. Because despite being from Megumi’s pov, they both wrote Megumi and Yuuji close to as they are. 

But generally, I was growing disappointed and frustrated. And I remembered one smut in the ItaJun tag which was actually a poly threeway with Sukuna. I remembered it because Junpei’s pov was nice and the dynamic was interesting. And I was like: well, can SukuIta be really worse than this? I mean if that poly fic was anything to go by, at least the smut will be fun.

So in the SukuIta tag finally, finally, my chance of finding Yuuji’s pov was high. And the authors there are actually interested in Yuuji’s personality. Not all of them do it justice, obviously, but they are interested. They are interested in putting Yuuji in situations. They are interested in tension and high emotions. They are interested in strange, codependent, very intense relationships, even in some of the more fluffy fics. There’s a lot of E rated stuff there, a lot of dead dove. And as I said before, I’m very picky and I won’t click on most stuff, but that was true for the other 2 tags as well. Just that, when I chose to click on stuff in this tag, the percentage of fics I read till the end was incomparably higher than in the other two tags. And reading through it, I started to get ideas to write for it. 

______

“What do you love about their dynamic?”

As I said above, in the beginning I was mostly amazed that I’m getting Yuuji exploration. Sukuna was there as the vehicle for the situations and the emotions. Even when I started writing my first fic, I was of that mindset too. Writing it made me ponder Sukuna more and grow to like him beyond his fun energy as a villain. 

The thing I like about their dynamic is when Yuuji gets to finally allow himself a close and raw relationship with someone, it’s usually very dramatic and dark in the best scenarios. That he carves something for himself, something often imperfect and kinda toxic, something where both sides are forced to make concessions and navigate around each other, but something where he’s prioritised. 

And when Sukuna gets punished for his personality, like the consequences of his irreflexive nature give him anxiety or something like that. When he’s forced to actually self-analyse. Sukuna is about his own pleasure and you can write him in a way that if someone becomes his pleasure, he gets very intense about it. 

At its best, this dynamic is very intense, dramatic and either goes in a very dark direction or requires a lot of negotiation. 

Also true form Sukuna is the hottest JJK has to offer and my dear Yuuji deserves the absolute best.

[bookishfeylin]

Hello! I popped in a few days ago to say how much I love your blog and I thought I would circle back a little bit with some of my (messy) thoughts on the ACOTAR series from an LGBTQ+ perspective. (Maybe I could make a side blog for this. God knows how I struggle with the horrible writing in the Dragon Age games on main). My credentials: trans man and bisexual, but I’d like to blanket that I don’t speak for the entire community and, of course, I am speaking from my own experiences.

So, the first lgbtq+ character prominent we’re introduced to in SJM’s bibliography is actually Aedion from Throne of Glass, and the only reason I’m starting off with him is because I’m really mad that he was our first prominent bisexual character in the books and there was 0 mention of his relationships with other men; it was a throwaway line before his romance with Lysandra (in which SJM butchered his character in the last book. Not to say that bi men can’t date women! I liked their ship but I was mad at how it was treated as tokenism).

Within ACOTAR, we’re first greeted with Helion, and the issue with his writing is… pretty glaring, I think. The promiscuous bisexual is a harmful trope that’s been toted around for a while; “oh, you’re bi? you must be down for sex all the time with whoever you want” which… ignores the fact that sexuality can be a spectrum and does assign bisexuality a sort of sexual morality that people have used to condemn us for a long time. Not to say that Helion can’t be promiscuous, but there is a focus on it as a huge aspect of his character when there are other ways to do it.

I feel like Morrigan is a little self-explanatory. It’s… not great, imo, that SJM isn’t being a little more clear about her (if she prefers sexual relationships with men but intimate romantic relationships with women, great! But please SAY THAT). The way she strings Azriel along is cruel and unnecessary—she shouldn’t need to feel afraid to come out to people who are supposedly “her best friends” or “are like brothers to her”. Hell, she felt safer coming out to Feyre, who’s she’s known for considerably less time! I’ll also touch briefly on the whole situation with Eris… insofar as to say that I think SJM writing it out with such violence was unnecessary and the optics of “I prefer women because men harmed me” that, while may not be necessarily true, the appearance of it being true reads really poorly because it’s what conservatives and conversion camps like to tout about lgbtq+ people (“you’re only like that bc someone hurt you”).

Thesan is another one, but SJM left his lover unnamed. C’mon. There’s barely any named NPCs in this series as it is, it wouldn’t have killed her to slap a name on his husband/mate.

Speaking of mates, I need to gripe about the mating bond too—in ACOMAF, I believe it is, but just in general, the bond is used to indicate NOT who would be happiest in love, but it is based on which pairing would “make the strongest offspring”. So, if we walk away from the heteronormativity of that explanation, how the HELL do you get gay mates? And if you’re gay, what happens if your “mate” is someone you’re not romantically or even sexually attracted to? Do you just have to deal with this uncomfortable and predestined tension and expectations to suck it up and make babies, anyway? And why should it be based on children and the ideal nuclear family? (We know why. But from a meta perspective, why?)

And as a brief aside, I still haven’t seen a trans character. Not that I’d want to. I think I would end up being terribly offended if she tried to do so. Sorry this ended up being so long! Maybe I should’ve devoted it to my own post 😔

No, you're fine! I'd had my own thoughts about some of these but I'd never considered the full extent of how abysmal her representation truly was. Tysm for this!

[bktrashcat]

20 Questions for fic writers

Thank you @yerbamansa for tagging me in this!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

9 

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

213,812

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Our Flag Means Death

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Laundry Service (91,893 words) Modern AU, Ed/Stede long-distance relationship

Hey Good Lookin’ (32,533 words) Modern AU, Ed/Stede cooking class meet cute 

Exchanging Glances (26,093 words) Modern AU, Ed/Stede security cam voyeur 

work that, work that, pop back, hurt that (3,416 words) Modern AU, Ed/Stede charity car wash

Sunlight in the Midnight (47,992 words) Modern AU, Ed/Stede nursing home romance

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I respond to every comment, unless it’s a binge read, then usually just the last comment. I’m a fairly shy person, even shyer on the internet for some reason, so when people comment, I just assume it takes a lot of effort. I love the different conclusions drawn, parallels or details pulled (intended or not), and I like to engage with that. 

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I don’t think I write angsty endings, even though I love reading them. I would say maybe Mutually Fulfilling, since it’s Oluwande trying to process Jim leaving while he’s having a nice threesome with Frenchie and Wee John? Or, maybe The Fish and The Bird, since it’s end of season one Roach and the gang marooned on the island? 

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I think they all have happy endings, except the more nebulous ones mentioned above! Happiest? Maybe Hey Good Lookin’ or Pearly Like the Whites of Your Eyes, which are just pretty fluffy bits all around.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Nope! People have been very cool.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yeah! It’s been MLM so far, but I’d like to expand if I keep writing fic.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Nope.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I don’t think so.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I feel like I co-write all of my fics with my wonderful beta. He’s got great story and plot instincts, and we build off of each other really well. 

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

I’ve only written Ed/Stede really, but I do love their weirdness and their matching puzzle pieces of insecurity and self-loathing. Maybe they’re my favorite! I’ve surely never saved and bought so much fanart for any other ship.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Oh, I took one down–sorry–because the guilt ate at me knowing I was never going to finish it. Plus, I hated it. I have some that I haven’t posted, and I doubt they’ll ever make it that far, as much as I want them to be written. I guess the three that nag at me the most are a “Coming to America” Oluwande/Jim (…..?) fic, a QVC Ed/Stede fic and a private eye Steddyhands-ish mystery. 

16. What are your writing strengths?

Hm. I like writing comfortable, but slightly left-field premises and stories. I also love research, so writing Ed in Vietnam in Laundry Service was very fun to build, even though I haven’t been to Vietnam yet. I like when things are very grounded, which can also be to my detriment, I think. 

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Yeah, keeping things too grounded, maybe? Plot holes. Timelines. Emotional depth is something I really have to focus on and slow down to write, and even then it’s not always where I want it.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

That could be very cool and challenging to do as a longer piece. I’ve done bits with Jim in Spanish, Oluwande in Igbo, Roach in Arabic, and the Swede in Swedish. Some French gets thrown around. I would love love love to write more of Oluwande speaking a language native to West Africa, where Prince Azi’s accent nods to, which is why that “Coming to America” fic screams at me so much. 

19. First fandom you wrote for?

This is the first fandom I’ve posted online for, and what a nice entry point. The last time I wrote fic was in high school twenty years ago, and that was just me and my bestie writing Saturday Night Live rpf in our notebook. 

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

Hands down, my current fic, Sunlight in the Midnight is my favorite fic that I’ve written so far. Forty-five year old Ed is a nurse at 81 year old Stede’s retirement community. I love that we call these middle-agers ‘old men,’ so I just made one of them actually old. I want to explore what it’s like to find love very late in life, emotionally and (of course) physically. I want to see some elderly queer love and sex. I think about these two all of the time. They’re still working through their bullshit and neuroses, and they have these histories that I love to dig into, and I just love them so much. A hyperfixation in a hyperfixation. I also feel like I’m watching myself grow in my writing in real time. I’m playing with some different things that I never thought I’d try (mainly with Stede’s journal entries), and it feels like a writing journal with different writing and story goals each chapter. I’m writing with all of the elements that I love from the show and my own life. I’m slowing things down. It’s a fic that makes me wish I was years ahead in my writing skills to catch up with how much I love these characters and want to properly tell their love story.

[melody-everbelle]

Finally opening up about ChenBell...

Inspired by a nightmare I had last night.

So ever since I’ve heard about the rumor that Nathan Chen and Mariah Bell were dating, I didn’t believe any fanfiction of them existed until I explored the Nathan Chen tag on Tumblr, which gave me a panic attack. As a result, I have several tags related to this ship blocked/filtered so I don’t have to stumble across it again. However, there’s something I’ve been wanting to talk about. A while ago, I’ve spotted a few ChenBell fanfics on here (Not gonna link any of them for the sake of preventing harassment/drama), and for some reason, I’ve had this urge to make “memes” making fun of the fanfics (Now keep in mind, I haven’t posted these memes in public because I don’t want to get “cancelled,” I just keep them on a desktop folder.). Don’t get me wrong, I think humor is a great way to cope with bad things you see on the internet, but the fact that I keep looking at my own memes poking fun at them just brings back memories of the rumor, how I felt about it, the people saying mean things to me, and worst of all, people writing SMUT of ChenBell. Not to mention I’ve had nightmares about Nathan and Mariah being together a couple of times.

I haven’t read any ChenBell fanfics, and I don’t even plan to because of how much everything related to it has messed up my mental health, so that’s why I’ve decided to stop making memes about it, let alone look back at them. I know I’m doing better mentally, but I have pretty low self-esteem when it comes to the Nathan Chen/figure skating fandom.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to edit a speedpaint video.

[gimme-mor]

ACOTAR THINK PIECE: ELAIN ARCHERON, UNTOUCHABLE

*DISCLAIMER*

This will be a long post.

Please take the time to read this post in its entirety and truly reflect on the message I am trying to send before commenting. My goal is to use my background in Gender and Women’s Studies to deconstruct the comments I have seen on Tumblr and Twitter and bring awareness to the ACOTAR fandom.

The reason I am tagging “Elriel” in this post is to call attention to the arguments in the Elriel fandom that: weaponize Elain’s femalehood to shame real life people for their opinions about Elain’s character and her relationship with Lucien; victimize Elain’s character in fandom discussions; and coddle Elain’s character, which limits fandom discussions about her narrative development and prevents the ACOTAR fandom from holding Elain accountable for her actions and inactions in the same way that the fandom holds other characters accountable for their actions and inactions. It is for these reasons that I WILL NOT remove the “Elriel” tag from this post because all of the above points contribute to the toxic discourse surrounding Elain’s character.

I urge those who use these arguments to understand their implications, why they are problematic, regardless of intent, and reexamine their contributions to the ACOTAR fandom. I WILL NOT tolerate anyone who tries to twist my words and say I am attacking people and their personal shipping preferences. In fact, I AM CRITIQUING THE ARGUMENTS THEMSELVES NOT THE PEOPLE USING THE ARGUMENTS.

Also, I highly encourage the Elriel fandom to read this post because it addresses how the concept of choice as an argument enables arguments to exploit social justice and feminist languge in order to vilify Elucien shippers, among other problematic things.

Elain Archeron is one of the most polarizing characters in the ACOTAR fandom. Though opinions about Elain vary, arguments in the Elriel fandom cite society’s perception of traditional female characters in comparison to non-traditional female characters as the reason behind the hate, and this belief is used to provide an explanation as to why other characters in the series are favored over her. In the series, Elain is portrayed in a wholly positive light and this image carries over into the Elriel fandom, painting her character as a good and kind female who has been unfairly wronged and a victim of circumstances that were out of her control. When arguments in the Elriel fandom oppose other viewpoints in the fandom, they fall into one of three categories:

Category 1: Weaponize Elain’s femalehood to shame real life people for their opinions

Maybe people who hate Elain are just jealous of her in a weird way similar to when someone hates the pretty, nice, and charming girl in school just because she is too perfect

Disliking Elain is misogynistic

What happened to feminism? What happened to women supporting women? What happened to she can say no? All of that disappears the second you force Elain to be with Lucien

Elain antis are misogynistic

All Eluciens are Elain antis

Antis claiming they’re feminists when in reality they hate on Elain and Feyre but love Nesta

Elain antis are such sore losers. Y’all were that bunch of people who could not get over being rejected from hanging out with the cool kids so y’all are projecting your hatred towards pretty people now to get validation

I don’t get how Elain’s love for gardening equals boring for some people. I’m sorry your misogyny finds traditionally feminine activities boring

Why are you attacking a female? What did Elain do? Where are your feminist voices?

The fandom is misogynistic towards Elain

If people loved Elain they would ship Elriel

If you hate Elain it says a lot about your feelings toward women

If you hate Elain because she has no “development” then you must hate Azriel because otherwise you’re misogynistic

Eluciens are turned off by the idea of a woman that has the autonomy to reject a man for the simple reason that it is her choice

Eluciens are all about feminism and “it’s HER choice” until it comes down to females not wanting a male

Eluciens don’t respect Elain’s feelings when they ship her with someone that was part of her trauma and makes her feel uncomfortable

The way some Elucien shippers completely disregard how uncomfortable Elain is around Lucien is so hilariously not funny. Prioritizing being mates over Elain’s feelings is just regressive

It’s hard as a fan of Elain to see someone ship her with a person who makes her physically uncomfortable to be around. Wouldn’t you want both characters to be happy to be around each other

Imagine if SJM saw all the awful things her “stans” had to say about Elain

It’s true that we know comparatively little about her, but is she really boring or do you just not value stereotypically feminine traits?

So y’all are just gonna tell me you prefer Elucien over Elriel? Even though Lucien treats Elain as if she’s something that belongs to him? The only reason he wants to be with her is because she’s his mate, he doesn’t respect her, doesn’t treat her as his equal, even though that’s what mates should be? He doesn’t bother to look past what’s on the outside to see her for who she is. And Elain is obviously repulsed by the idea that she should belong to anyone or have no choice in who she can be with. Azriel is her friend and the only person who sees her quiet strength. He has so much faith in her, in her abilities; he’s the one who kept her company when no one else did, he’s the only one who bothered to see her for more than her brokenness. You’re going to tell me you still prefer Elucien over Elriel?

The more I see Gwynriels that ship Elucien out of their hate for Elain, the less I can understand Elain stans that ship Elucien. Pls Elain has made it very clear that she doesn’t want Lucien, why would you ship her with him? Do you hate her too? Smh

The real question would be, if you care and understand Elain why would you ship her with Lucien (where she canonically shrinks when he is near)?

People crying over Helion and Lucien’s mom not getting to be with each other and her being forced into a relationship she didn’t want, but also ship Elucien? Just say you hate Elain

When Elain’s book is out, Gwyn stans will look like clowns and I will laugh because they set her up by shipping her with Azriel just because they hate Elain. Watch them play the victims now because Elriels are clapping back the hate they’ve sent towards Elain

As romantic as wanting girl who is visibly uncomfortable around a guy who caused her trauma to end up with the said guy. Guess their standards for romance are in hell

Category 2: Victimize Elain’s character

Gwynriels only want Gwyn with Azriel because they despise Elain

Gwyn stans and Gwynriels are Elain antis

No one in the books dislike Elain, so why are there so many people who do?

Elain hasn’t done anything wrong or questionable to warrant the hate she gets

Not having Elain’s POV makes it easy for people to be swayed a certain way about her character if you already don’t relate to her in some way

It’s been years since this series came out and we haven’t gotten a lick of an Elain POV, but people still hate her for what? We don’t know her thoughts, dreams, or aspirations

We haven’t even had Elain’s perspective yet and people are passing these judgments off on her

Elain antis who say she’s boring are just cruel when she has obvious symptoms of PTSD like Feyre and Nesta

Gwyn is one of the most overhyped characters and that’s only because most people hate Elain and they couldn’t wait to find a random girl to ship Azriel with

Nesta was abusive to her sisters but Elain (who has only ever been kind) is painted as the villain

From the text we know that Elain is the epitome of feminine stereotypes (gentle, gardening, baking, non confrontational for the most part). Yet people still call her boring or deny that she has any interesting character traits?

You can’t love Nesta and hate Elain

People hate Elain because of internalized misogyny and lack of taste. All the girl does is tend to her garden and mind her business and they treat her worse than Tamlin

Does Gwyn deserve all this support? Of course yes! She is amazing! But where’s that support when Elain was in the same situation as she? Where’s that support for her right now? Why do they idolize Gwyn for her interactions with Azriel and hate Elain for having any interaction with him?

It’s not even a ship war anymore, they just hate Elain

People hate Elain for no reason

Some of y’all don’t like feminine traits and it shows

We know less about Eris and Helion but people don’t call them boring. Why would rejecting femininity make Elain more interesting?

Elain has had a lot forced upon her

The main reason I believe most people love Gwyn so much is to get Azriel away from Elain. It’s not a secret that Elain has been a widely hated character for years so suddenly we get a new female who has a minimal amount of interactions with Azriel and BOOM. New ship that once again doesn’t make sense (just like Azriel x Emerie after ACOFAS)

Elain hasn’t done something so terrible for her to get this hate. At this point some of you are just being misogynistic and you don’t want to accept it. Don’t call yourselves feminists and then say bs like this, it’s embarrassing. She’s pretty and everyone agreed to hate on her

Just a personal feeling, but I feel like a lot of the Elain hate stems from internalized misogyny. That to be a strong female lead, you need to pick up a sword and fight. That to be strong, you need to adapt traditionally masculine traits

Elain is feminine. She is beautiful. She loves to bake and garden. She is docile, quiet, observant, and a people-pleaser. All traditionally feminine traits. Yet for some reason, she’s like the worst in these people’s eyes?

I think also maybe a lot of people can’t relate to her femininity? That her being so beautiful and quiet doesn’t allow for the people who dislike her not to self-insert? Most of the hate stems from people not wanting Elain to be with Azriel. It’s mean, but maybe the people who hate Elain literally just can’t self-insert if they have a story and that’s why they’re vehemently against it?

Poor Elain. The Cauldron dealt her a bad deal. Upon emerging as Fae, she is immediately declared by Lucien as his mate, never mind that she was already engaged to a prick. Her love life is not good

It blows my mind how they really think that they can compare all the shit that Elain gets with some dumb jokes about Gwyn on Twitter (and yes, the “hate” towards her started mostly because Elriels are clapping back, it was bound to happen)

I would think of it as anti-feminist with Elain and Lucien because she has consistently stated that she does not want him so if she was forced to embrace the bond that would be taking away her right to have a choice but with Az she feels comfortable around so if they were mates then Elain would be happy and feel safe which again should be the priority for women to feel safe in their relationships with anything and to not be forced into any type of situation aka the mating bond in this

Category 3: Coddle Elain’s character

Elain has value the way she is, in all her domestic girly glory. Not every character has to be badass

We don’t speak of Elain’s flaws frequently because everyone else already speaks badly of her, mainly in an unfair way

There is definitely something deeper going on with Elain but by no means will she ever be evil or any less feminine. That goes against everything we already know about her

It’s ok to critique Elain because she needs growth but y’all keep forgetting the shit her and her sisters went through

The last “bad” thing Elain did in ACOTAR was not help Feyre when they were impoverished and I’m tired of people acting like she’s a terrible character when it was their father’s responsibility. It happened 4 books ago and Feyre has forgiven both Nesta and Elain

Elain’s character and the evil Elain theory are a great example of the trend where people only consider female characters interesting if they reject femininity

We don’t know enough to hate Elain

Many people want Elain to turn evil (which in my opinion seems to come from a place of internalized misogyny)

However we don’t tend to talk about her faults, at least not publicly, as that has been, and still is, done to death, and I--personally, at least--find it much more fun to theorise about potentially interesting aspects of the overall plot, than dwell on negatives

And ultimately, I would be shocked if Elain has a more karmically-charged story than Nesta, considering that Elain’s “wrongs” are so much less severe and bad than Nesta’s, and Elain has already apologized for them (or paid the price in other ways, like through what Graysen did)

I guess I also think Elain has suffered and been punished enough. I hope her story is about finding hope in terrible situations, and learning to love her new life, and choosing her own path after everything that has been done to her. I don’t think she needs to be punished anymore or face any additional trauma

Also, why is she being judged on her decisions as a human at all? Fae are monsters to humans! They enslaved them for thousands of years, and the Wall was erected to keep them out

Like I’m sorry, but think Elain would want to leave her ONLY FAMILY AND FRIENDS for the Spring Court where she has no one because--oh look, lots of flowers!--is the craziest thing I have ever heard

Her sisters are in the Night Court. Her nephew is in the Night Court. Her closest friends (Nuala and Cerridwen) are in the Night Court. Her love interest is in the Night Court. Her extended family is in the Night Court. Her home is in the Night Court

SJM isn’t going to keep two sisters together and split up the third. Especially not keep Feyre and Nesta together and separate Elain. They were either all going to end up in separate places, or together. Not 2 here and 1 there

Compared to the other female characters in the series, Elain is the only character whose femalehood is at the center of conversations; this is because arguments in the Elriel fandom fixate on it when discussing her character. While Elain, Feyre, Nesta, and Mor are all representations of white womanhood and white beauty, Elain epitomizes the most fragile version of white womanhood. It’s easy to blame society’s perception of traditional female characters in comparison to non-traditional female characters when it comes to the discourse surrounding Elain’s character because it: falls in line with the fixation on Elain’s femalehood to silence opposing viewpoints; is a simplistic explanation that fails to tackle the underlying issues with Elain as a character, the same issues that are downplayed in-universe; absolves Elain of her wrongdoings; prevents the ACOTAR fandom from holding Elain accountable for her actions and inactions within the series; and diminishes the impact Elain’s actions and inactions have on those around her. It’s not that Elain is hated in the fandom because she’s a traditional female character; it’s the fact that arguments in the Elriel fandom deflect a critical analysis of Elain’s character because she’s a traditional female character who embodies the ideal white woman in need of protection. White fans and white-aligned fans of color, especially white women, have a tendency to vehemently defend, gatekeep, and coddle white female characters in fandom; this makes it difficult for other fans to engage in critical discussions about these white female characters because they’re viewed as flawless and all around perfect characters despite evidence to the contrary. Since Elain is viewed positively by the other characters in the series, it has rendered her character untouchable to any perceived slight or criticism in fandom discussions because those negative opinions challenge what has been said about her character thus far. And as a result, her character has been placed on a pedestal and implicitly hailed as the epitome of white womanhood; and when she’s criticized, it’s seen as a direct attack against white womanhood. Arguments in the Elriel fandom: exploit feminist language and perpetuate white feminist tactics under the guise of defending Elain’s character; center Elain in conversations about female oppression in the ACOTAR world and uphold white feminist ideologies in their critique of ACOTAR’s patriarchal society; and use the fragile white woman narrative to victimize Elain in Lucien’s presence, playing into racial biases that are associated with white supremacy’s defense of white womanhood.

Feminism is a social movement that seeks to promote equality and equity to all genders, and feminists work toward eradicating gender disparities on a macro-level, in addition to challenging gender biases on a micro-level. As feminism became more mainstream, a flat and oversimplified version of feminism emerged: mainstream feminism. The mainstream feminist movement is meant to represent all women, but rarely does it center conversations around issues that concern most women. The problem with mainstream feminism is that it’s just a popularized version of white feminism. White feminism has relied extensively on an individualized understanding of women’s oppression, exclusively from the lens of privileged white women. White feminism only focuses on the oppression experienced by white, able-bodied, affluent, educated, cishet women; and it views gender as the key mode of privileged white women’s oppression, isolated from the privileges granted by their other social identities. White women can be and are oppressed under the patriarchy but only because they are women; their identity as women does not exempt them from the privileges granted by their whiteness. The term white feminist does not mean any feminist who is white, but refers to feminists who prioritize the concerns of privileged white women as though they are representative of all women. However, the term is not exclusive to white people. Because white feminism is so pervasive, people of other racial and ethnic backgrounds often buy into white feminism, believing that if they work hard enough, they may be able to reap its rewards.

Just like white feminism, mainstream feminism only recognizes the identity of being a woman, assumes that all women share common experiences of gender oppression, fails to address other social identities in relation to overlapping systems of oppression, and disregards privilege in relation to various social identities. Just like white feminism, mainstream feminism is palatable because it doesn’t seek to challenge the systems in place, instead its goal is to succeed within them. Essentially, mainstream feminism and white feminism are extensions of performative feminism. Performative feminism is a type of performative activism that’s used to describe feminist views that are surface level and solely for the benefit of one type of person. It’s a pretense which often has nothing to do with genuine activism. Arguments in the Elriel fandom normalize and promote performative feminism because the topic of feminism is only referenced when discussing Elain. This indicates that these arguments are engaging in disingenuous discourse to push a personal agenda within the ACOTAR fandom, and it becomes more apparent when they use white feminist tactics to shut down opposing viewpoints:

White feminists weaponize and exploit feminist language to silence the opinions of other women, especially when they’re called out for their problematic behaviors

White feminists use the phrase “Women supporting women” to defend other white feminists who exhibit problematic behaviors instead of holding them accountable 

White feminists weaponize phrases like “Women supporting women” and “You just hate women” to attack other women who disagree with them on any given topic

White feminists use phrases like “All women face challenges” and “Stop pitting women against each other” to sidestep conversations about privilege

White feminists divert conversations away from privilege and towards the Trauma Olympics to equate their struggles to the oppression of marginalized people 

White feminists skirt around the realities of other forms of oppression and discrimination, downplaying the experiences of marginalized people

White feminists diminish or ignore the ways in which gender oppression affects other marginalized people

White feminists paint those they harmed as aggressive, mean, or divisive when confronted with the ways they have harmed a marginalized group

White feminists deflect criticism by focusing on the anger or emotions being expressed rather than the issue that is being discussed, invalidating the concerns of marginalized people

White feminists speak over marginalized voices in an attempt to sound “woke”

White feminists get defensive and insist there’s no way they could be a part of the problem because of what they’ve done to help marginalized groups already 

White feminists say they don’t see color in an attempt to obscure racial issues that need to be addressed

White feminists center and victimize themselves in conversations about racism, which derails necessary conversations from taking place

White feminists who are white weaponize the intersectionality of their race and gender to avoid accountability

Feminism is not meant to be approached from an individualistic perspective nor is it only about addressing the experiences of privileged white women, it involves addressing the intersections of race, class, gender, sexuality, (dis)ability, and other social identities as well; and it involves addressing how these social identities relate to privilege. Moreover, feminism is not about women upholding complete loyalty to other women because of a shared gender identity, and to claim that it does implies that women should be held to different emotional standards than men. If men are able to dislike and criticize other individual men, real or fictional, without their characters being compromised, why aren’t women granted that same privilege?

It’s clear that SJM set up the ACOTAR world to mirror a patriarchal society, and that the imbalance of power between males and females stems from sexism. Arguments in the Elriel fandom analyze the ACOTAR world through a feminist lens to show how ACOTAR’s patriarchal society, to which the mating bond is innately tied, contributes to female oppression and limits their agency. When choice and free will are emphasized as part of Elain’s arc, they imply that Elain, through the mating bond, experiences female oppression under ACOTAR’s patriarchal society because of her identity as a female with that identity being the focal point of her oppression in the world. Elain is one of the most privileged characters in the ACOTAR world: she’s High Fae; she’s the sister of the High Lord and High Lady of the Night Court, which gives her access to wealth and political influence because of that connection; she’s able-bodied; she was magically blessed by the Cauldron; and she lives in Velaris, a place that grants females autonomy and power because of the beliefs of Rhysand and Feyre. Arguments in the Elriel fandom trivialize female oppression in the ACOTAR world because they disregard the fact that Elain’s privileges prevent her from experiencing female oppression in the same way that other marginalized females in the world do. The mating bond being one such example because those around Elain are not forcing the bond on her, instead they’re allowing Elain to reach a decision about the bond for herself; a privilege that other marginalized females in the world probably wouldn’t have. Just because Elain has endured hardships in her life and is a female in a patriarchal society, they do not erase the privileges she holds within the ACOTAR world. The failure to include Elain’s privileges in discussions about Elain being a female in a patriarchal society feeds into white feminist ideologies because white feminism operates from a very narrow perspective; it doesn’t take other intersecting identities into account when it examines gender oppression, leaving no room for discussions about privilege (or lack thereof) in relation to those intersecting identities. When discussing oppression in hierarchical societies, it’s imperative that privilege is also included in the conversation because privilege and oppression are not mutually exclusive; they equally affect the ways in which people navigate those societies through their social identities.

Rather than attributing Elain’s uncomfortability to her new life as a Fae female or the mating bond itself and her trauma to the Cauldron, the King of Hybern, or Ianthe, they’re placed on Lucien to cast his character in a negative light. Moreover, fandom discussions portray Lucien as a possessive character to further emphasize Elain’s discomfort despite the inaccuracy of this characterization in canon. Arguments in the Elriel fandom play into racial biases when it comes to Lucien (a male character of color) because they mischaracterize his character in order to victimize Elain (a white female character), placing her character in the role of the white damsel in distress. In Western society, the concept of womanhood has been conceptualized from a Eurocentric perspective with femininity and feminine attributes favoring white women. It’s the idea that a certain type of femininity is only inherent to white women as they are seen as the embodiment of an ideal womanhood. White womanhood has been a symbol of innocence and purity, and white women have been viewed as fragile beings in need of protection. The reason white womanhood functions within white supremacy is because it’s the same idea that has motivated white men to kill and beat black and brown men. The so-called protection of white women has been used as a justification for the horrific violence committed by white men because black and brown men were stereotyped as aggressive and seen as a threat to the virtue of white women. The white damsel in distress trope considered white women as worthy of protection because of their perceived innocence and purity; women of color were not granted that same treatment because they did not fit into the ideal image of womanhood. Over the years, this trope became a means for white women to exercise limited power in a patriarchal society with white women weaponizing their status as the damsel much to the detriment of black and brown men. It’s through the white damsel in distress trope that white supremacy sustains its dominance in Western society. The misrepresentation of characters of color in fandom, the dismissal of their importance to the overall story, and using them as tools in arguments centered around white characters are the foundation of fandom racism; they’re examples of how racism moves silently in fandom spaces. Instead of examining their behavior and taking constructive criticism from fans of color, white fans will often double down on their bigotry and center their uncomfortability in the conversation when confronted with their complicity in fandom racism. White fans expect fans of color to swallow fandom racism in its many forms in order to not ruin the experience of fandom, dismissing the fact that racism is prevalent in nearly every aspect of society. This mentality ensures that no one is held accountable for the harm they caused and alienates fans of color in fandom spaces.

To reiterate what I mentioned in my first think piece: terms like “oppression”, “the right to choose”, “feminist”, “feminism”, “anti-feminist”, “anti-feminism”, “internalized misogyny”, “misogyny”, “misogynist”, “sexist”, “sexism”, “racist”, “racism”, “classist”, “classism”, “discrimination”, and “patriarchy” are all used in specific ways to draw attention to the plight of marginalized people and challenge those who deny the existence of systems of oppression. Yet these words and their meanings can be twisted to attack, exclude, and invalidate people with differing opinions on any given topic. When social justice and feminist terms are thrown around antagonistically and carelessly to push a personal agenda, it becomes clear that these terms are being used to engage in disingenuous discourse and pursue personal validation rather than being used out of any deep-seated conviction to dismantle systemic oppression. Being an ally, activist, or feminist is not an identity, it’s a practice. It requires: ongoing self-reflection; holding ourselves accountable; listening to marginalized people; educating ourselves; dismantling implicit biases; challenging those around us who are exhibiting problematic behaviors; and action behind our words.

It’s important to be aware of the language that is used within the fandom when defending or critiquing characters and ships. It’s also important to question how an argument is framed and why it’s framed the way that it is to critically examine the intent behind that argument: is it used as a tool to push a personal agenda that reinforces problematic behaviors, or is it used as an opportunity to share, learn, enlighten, and educate?

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Tagging: @spell-cleavers @bookofmirth @m0bulidae @ilya-boltagon

[thefanficmonster]

Let Them Talk

Corpse Husband x Reader (Female) ft. Sykkuno

Warnings: Swearing, Jealousy

Genre: Fluff, a bit of Angst

Summary: We can all agree Among Us is a fun game on its own but what makes it ten times better is playing it with the right company. Y/N could agree 100% Being a streamer herself, she loves playing with the streamer gang that includes her boyfriend and best friend. But, what happens when her boyfriend starts doubting her feelings for him due to her close relationship with her best friend.

Requested by @cheetoscat . Thank you so much for your request! Sorry it took so long to write, I hope the final product is worth the wait. Enjoy! Love, Vy ❤

Y/AU/N - Your Among Us Name

I settle in my gaming chair, adjusting my webcam one last time before joining the Among Us lobby with my friends. 

“Hi everyone!“ I say into the mic, a smile plastering itself on my face. Discord is a magical thing, man. It’s so easy to forget that the people you are talking to aren’t around you or within arm’s reach. You could be separated by miles and miles of land or - in our case - oceans as well. Distance becomes negligible when you hear your friends’ voices, their laughter; when you have a good time together despite being each behind a screen, often times alone.

Well, I’m one of those lucky ones that isn’t alone. No one knows that, though. Everyone thinks I’m a single, self-employed girl that’s straight out of college. And they are 90% right. Only thing is - I’m not single. That would be a shocker in and of itself, but revealing who’s changed my relationship status would be a bomb with a whole new intensity.

Speaking of my significant other who shall remain unnamed - just kidding, it’s Corpse - his form materializes in the doorway of my recording room. I give him a hand signal the camera isn’t able to capture, alerting him of the fact that my mic is on. He replies by blowing me a kiss and walking off down the hall to his recording room where he’ll be stationed for the next three or so hours.

I owe this relationship to my best friend Sykkuno. I’m a pretty new and not very well known on the platform, however, thanks to him I haven’t only obtained a boyfriend, but a following of a little over million subscribers as well. 

It all started with an invitation to fill a spot in the Among Us lobby him and his friends had created. It took him quite a bit to convince me to join, but I eventually caved and agreed. Suddenly, there I was. In a Discord call, in an Among Us lobby with some of the most well-known names on this platform. I’m talking YouTube legends. I was that puppy playing with the big dogs. The newbie tagging along with the big leagues. Or at least that’s how I felt until we all started vibing - talking and teasing each other as though we’ve known each other for years and not minutes.

When I joined the call, Corpse wasn’t present. After everyone else introduced themselves, Sykkuno informed me that we were waiting for Corpse to return. The name sounded really cool to me and I was genuinely very excited to meet this Corpse guy.

And then, out of the blue - no prep, no warning...

“Did you get someone to fill the spot? Oh- Hello, Y/AU/N.“ 

…he started talking and he had me star-struck. Apparently, he also had me a blabbering mess cause I remember blurting out: “Whoa, who’s this guy speaking in bold and underlined at the same time?”

The entire lobby, including Corpse, laughed. Sean, or Jack like they called him most often, answered my question, “That is the voice of God, Y/N. Its source is named Corpse, though.”

Heat spread from the bottom of my neck to the tips of my ears. I was mortified by my own stupidity. I was well aware they couldn’t see me and I was incredibly thankful for that, but I simply could not get myself to open my eyes. “I’m so sorry.” I said through nervous laughter.

“No, no, I like that description. Bold and underlined at the same time, huh?“ His voice sounded even more pleasant when it had that teasing, mischievous note to it. That thought popping up in my head only made things worse for my self-esteem and only made me more embarrassed, causing me to hide my face in my hands. “You sure it’s not in Italics as well?“ 

His question got a weak laugh out of me. “Nope, definitely not. Nothing Italic about it.“

Yes, I don’t even know how some terrible jokes about MS Word fonts got me as far as a romantic relationship, but they did! We’ve been living together for quite some time now, dating for even longer - hiding it just as long. It��s not that we have been actively trying to hide it or something, we just wanted to see how long it would take someone to become sus of us. When we realized no one would notice, we decided that if any rumors about us started, or even fans shipping us, we’d come clean. That hasn’t happened either, so we haven’t had the proper chance to address our relationship and neither of us minds.

At this point, I’m honestly afraid of revealing it to the gaming squad. Sykkuno especially. He’s my best friend, after all. I can see him being hurt by the fact that I kept a secret so big even from him. The last thing I wanna do is hurt my best friend but it’s already too late for that, it’s inevitable.

“Y/N have you looked at Twitter today?“ Rae, another streamer I’ve become close with over the months, says urgently.

Overlooking the tension in her words, I answer: “Nope, haven’t had the time. Why? What’s up?“

Before Rae can say anything else, Sykkuno joins the conversation, his voice somehow even more urgent than Rae’s. “It’s nothing, Y/N. If you see it, just don’t let it bother you, ok?”

Hearing such a tone from Rae isn’t unusual, but hearing it from Sykkuno is completely different and a lot more worrisome. “Well if it has the potential of bothering me it can’t be nothing. What’s going on?”

Just then, my phone dings with two notifications. I check to see they are messages from Rae.

“I sent you screenshots. Sorry, Sykkuno. She has to know in order to address it and defuse it as well. I know better than anyone how fast these rumors can spread, especially if no one reacts to them.“ She says, her tone barely apologetic at all.

I open the screenshots she has sent me and I find myself frozen in shock. Some old pictures of Sykkuno and I have been posted on Twitter by some random user. These pictures have started an entire thread of suspicions surrounding our relationship.

The pictures in question are from a New Year’s Eve party a mutual friend of ours held two years ago. Sure, in the pictures we are a lot closer than what would be considered a platonic proximity. And yes one of the pictures is of me kissing his cheek. Yes we were both a bit tipsy. I acknowledge all those things and yet none of them are concrete reasons for these rumors to have started piling. 

“This is silly.“ I finally say after maybe five minutes of silence on my end. ”This is absolutely ridiculous! And why are people so serious about it as well? Actual, important matters get discussed more nonchalantly than the potential relationship between two online personalities! What is this world we live in?“ I know I shouldn’t let these rumors get to me like this, especially not on camera. Still, I can’t help it. I feel it’s so unfair to Corpse. He has to put up with this as well and it’s by no means easy for him. I’ve been shipped with people from our group in the past and he always took those rumors to heart despite acting like he didn’t care. Neither of us should get worked up, but him getting upset about them creates a domino effect with my emotions - causing me to be hit just as hard as him, in some cases harder.

Rumors of the past aside, this one is the worst by far. Mostly cause even Corpse himself suspected something between Sykkuno and I at the very beginning, when we were still acquaintances, barely crossing into the realm of friends.

I pull up Twitter to look for the whole thread, barely sparing my stream chat a glance in the process. It seems pretty split - those who agree with me and those who think Sykkuno and I make ‘such an adorable couple’. The thread is ridiculously long, and if we take into account that it was only started approximately five hours ago, you can either view it as impressive, amusing or sad. Why sad? Because someone has dedicated so much time and effort into fueling the fire of a weakly supported theory.

I love Sykkuno with all my heart. Everyone knows that - fandom, streamer squad, Corpse and Sykkuno included. I love too much and too platonically to ever even dream of having a romantic connection with him. I thought that was more than obvious, but people are either blind here, or just grasping at straws. One thing’s for certain - they’re stepping on a nerve.

“Hey where’s Corpse? Did he disconnect?” Felix asks, gaining my full attention. My eyes dart to the monitor, searching through the little avatars in a desperate search for the one of my boyfriend. It’s nowhere to be found.

“He just messaged me saying his connection is unstable but he might join us later.“ Rae says, “You guys can invite someone to fill...“

“Bathroom break.“ I interrupt, not waiting for a response before shutting my mic off, putting the ‘BRB‘ graphic on my stream and yanking the headset off. I basically run down the hall to Corpse’s recording room, my heart pounding like a bass drum.

“Corpse?!“ I call out to him, one hand already on the doorknob. When five seconds pass by without a response, I barge in. 

Inside, I find his usual spot on the gaming chair empty and his slumped figure seated on his bed.

“Corpse?“ I try again, watching for even the tiniest change of body language. He remains still as a statue, not bothering to look up at me either. 

His hands are gripping the edge of the mattress, his head hanging low. His eyes are covered by the short curtain of his dark messy curls. I can’t gauge much. Is he angry? Is he sad? Both? How should I approach the situation?

Before I find the answer to any of those questions, I am kneeling in front of him, our height difference eliminated. I gently pry his hands off the mattress and take them in mine, holding them firmly but tenderly. With one hand I reach up to tilt his head so his eyes can meet mine. He complies, his tear-filled brown orbs meeting mine. Those tears have the same effect on me as fifty sharp knives stabbing into my chest. These tears focus their attack straight on my heart, tearing it to pieces.

“Baby....“

He cuts me off, “Why is it always someone else, huh? Do they deem me not worthy of being with you? Do they think you deserve better?” His voice wavers, “Well, they might be right. They are correct and there’s little I can do to prove them wrong. They mean you well, Y/N - pairing you with guys better than me. Those are some loyal fans you’ve got. They only want what’s best for you. And so do I. If ‘best’ is being with someone else then...”

It’s my turn to cut him off. I put an end to his nonsense ramble that’s slowly killing me by pressing my finger against his lips. The sternness of my gaze is beyond me as I get up and walk over to his computer setup. I put on his headset and hop into the call as well as the lobby with his avatar.

“Hey Corpse’s back!” Toast says, “Good to have you back buddy.”

“No, not Corpse.” I say in a casual, nonchalant voice.

“Wait, wha-“ Sean’s voice shows just how confused he is, representing the confusion of the entire lobby actually.

“I know all of you are streaming so this message will be heard by several different audiences so I’m gonna make myself perfectly clear.“ I take a deep breath, “Sykkuno and I aren’t dating. He’s a lovely guy and he deserves to find a girl who will treat him right. That girl isn’t and won’t be me though. I am already treating someone right. Someone who treats me more than right as well. An amazing person. A man-child with a heart of gold. You know him, to a certain extent. He goes by the name of Corpse Husband, but I prefer to call him ‘Love of my life’. Thank you for your time and attention, goodbye.“

I exit the call and turn around to find a stunned Copse looking at me.

“That was meant for you just as much.“ I say with a fake strict attitude, one hand on my hip the other rested on his desk behind me, “Were you listening?“

Within milliseconds, he’s on his feet standing directly in front of me, his lips inches away from mine. “I heard and memorized every word. But...” he pauses for a moment, “I think you have no idea how big of a chaos you just created.”

I smile mischievously, “We’ll worry about that later. For now...” I close the gap between us, connecting our lips in a sweet and passionate kiss. 

@susceptible-but-siriusexual  @simonsbluee  @save-the-sky  @hacker-ghost  @itsminniekat  @bi-andready-tocry  @imtiredaffff  @jazzkaurtheglorious  @hereforbeebo  @fandomgirl17  @chrysanthykios  @maehemscorpyus  @loraleiix  @letsloveimagines  @annshit  @i-cant-choose-a-username-help  @enigmaticmaze  @divine-artemis  @waterlilypat  @idontknowwhatthisisfam  @evi-ka  @classyandfabulous00  @redperson58  @lilysdaydreams  @the-fuck-up-of-today  @slashersdream  @chiefwombathoagiepizza  @solowheein @mythicalamphitrite  @axen-gers  @luckygirl144  @nj01

[snowbellewells]

Self Promo Sunday: “Under the Weather”

I guess I should apologize for being self-indulgent, because many of you may have read this little two shot before. It has been a while since I’ve gone back and looked at it though, and this morning I felt like looking it up again. It was one of my first CS/OuaT fics to gain some definite love and popularity back in the hiatus between 3a and 3b. Maybe some of my newer readers who missed it will enjoy, and maybe someone else will have fun looking back (I hope).  Plus, it now has perfect, amazing, lovely cover art, courtesy of the wonderful @searchingwardrobes !!! 

Summary: Just a little post-Neverland fic, taking place sometime after they've returned to Storybrooke with Henry. Pan's gone, and there is no second curse. It was originally inspired (some years ago) by cold January weather and my wondering how Hook would manage to keep warm and not get sick on a freezing cold old ship. Anyway, pretty sweet and fluffy, I'll admit it, but I still hope you enjoy - even all these years later and after how much closer our pirate and princess became...

"Under the Weather"

(posting both parts here for ease of reading)

By: @snowbellewells

Also available on ff.net or AO3

If anyone had asked her, Emma Swan couldn't have explained why she felt the sudden prickling of concern in the back of her mind, nor the unexpected, pressing need to make sure he was alright. Shaking her head at the sheer ridiculousness of the idea, she had fought against her impulses all day. She had busied herself with paperwork and answered calls about power outages and other inconveniences that came with the cold, wintry Maine weather, but there weren't enough jobs by early afternoon to keep her mind from wandering back to him and her eyes from every so often floating up to check the clock.

David knew something was bothering her; Emma could feel her father's eyes studying her for clues to her agitation. However, he was also wise enough to bite his tongue and not ask questions. She wanted to tell him to go on home to Snow, and she would finish up. Yet she didn't, knowing that would only make him more curious. Resolutely, stubbornly, she kept finding any bit of busy work she could lay her hands on to stop the disconcerting waves of concern for him that were now rolling through her at regular intervals.

'He's a 300-year-old pirate captain, for Heaven's sake!' her mind berated her seeming irrationality. 'He can certainly take care of himself in a sleepy little town. What in the world could he need you for? You haven't had word of any kind of trouble…' Still, while all of these arguments made perfect, reasonable sense, Emma found they didn't soothe her unease in the slightest.

When the clock finally struck five, David stood casually, announcing that since they weren't busy he was going to head home and help Snow with supper, if Emma didn't need anything. Emma shook her head 'no' with a small smile, thanking him and saying she would see him shortly.

"You're sure I can't do anything else to help before I leave?" her father asked sincerely, again looking at her so closely that Emma knew he was trying to divine her thoughts.

"Positive," she reiterated with a definite nod, giving him a playful smirk and waving him out the door. "I'll call if anything comes up, but I should be right behind you in an hour or so."

Once her father had left her to her own devices, Emma tossed the case files she had been pretending to read across the surface of her desk and gave up all pretense of working. Standing up and beginning to pace, she at last admitted to herself that the worry swirling inside her for Hook was not going away – in fact, it was only growing stronger. Taking one last glance around the interior of the station, she realized that she wasn't going to get anything else done, and she wouldn't have any peace until she put her awful hunch to rest. Hook was going to tease her mercilessly about her concern for him, but apparently she was going to have to live with that. The fact that he tended to haunt her steps and turn up anywhere she might be, made it especially disconcerting that she hadn't seen or heard from him in three days. At least, she was telling herself that was all it was.

She grabbed her jacket, hit the lights, locked up, and was headed for her car before she could fight with herself any longer. Parking the bug at the docks, Emma stepped out, straightened her clothes, and steeled her nerves before striding purposefully to the spot at the far end where the Jolly Roger had been anchored since their return from Neverland. Normally, the Captain was so alert and aware that the moment he heard anyone nearing his ship he would have already been standing on deck looking down in challenge, but Emma didn't see any sign of him.

Walking up the gangplank, she let her boots stomp and echo loudly; giving him fair warning that she was coming aboard and expecting him to appear any minute with an "Oi! Who goes there?" and brandished sword, but she was greeted with nothing but silence. Finding her footing on the familiar wooden deck, Emma actually experienced a strange sense of welcome reunion. Since they weren't hiding from Pan and Henry was safe, it was actually nice to be on the sturdy ship once more. She could have really grown to like the adventure and thrill of sailing, if the situation had been different and her son hadn't been in danger. She didn't linger in her nostalgic thoughts for long though. Trailing a gloved hand fondly along the ship's side, she moved toward the open door of the stairway which led below decks. Poking her head in, she tried calling out, "Hook?! Are you here?"

Again she got no response, so tamping down the feeling of trespass, she entered the darkness of the stairwell and stepped lower, growing more concerned all the time. 'Where had the insufferable idiot gotten to? And even more disturbing, why did she care?'

Remembering the lower level of the ship from their time in Neverland, she found her way down the hallway with a guiding hand along the wall, even though evening dusk was closing in and none of the hanging lanterns were lit. She passed the crew quarters that the rest of them had stayed in and didn't stop until she reached the room at the furthest end of the ship – the Captain's quarters. Pausing for a second, she drew in a quick, tight breath and then rapped her knuckles on the door. "If you're in there, Pirate, you'd better answer me," she warned, before adding with wry humor, "and I hope you're decent, because I'm coming in."

Whatever she had been expecting, the sight that met Emma's eyes when she entered Hook's chamber was not it. He was there, but the laughter that had been about to erupt at bursting in and catching him by surprise died in her throat when she got her first good look at him.

He was curled up in his bunk, even though it was barely 5:30, and he looked dead to the world, completely unaware of her presence despite all her yelling and stomping around. Even from across the room, she could see those unfairly long, gorgeous eyelashes flutter fitfully as he hovered not-quite-asleep, not-quite-awake, and he rolled from his side to his back with a pitiful, low groan.

"Hook?" she questioned worriedly, her voice small as she walked toward him, already stretching out a hand hesitantly. Once she got close enough to touch him, she nearly jerked back on contact; his skin was burning with fever under her fingertips. Emma gasped in surprise and leaned in closer, now truly concerned that he wasn't responding to her. She swiped her hand up his sculpted cheekbone to brush under the fringe of his dark hair and feel his forehead, equally hot and clammy from dried sweat.

It might have been the cool feeling of her hand on his flushed skin, but those stunning blue eyes, looking much more bleary and unfocused than usual, finally forced their way open to gaze at her in confusion. "Swan?" he mumbled, his voice sounding ragged and raw, probably from coughing, she realized sympathetically, "What are you…? Am I dreaming?"

She shook her head, smoothing his damp hair back and trying to calm her heart, which was now fluttering erratically at seeing him so vulnerable. "No, I'm here, Hook….I…" she hesitated, feeling that maybe she was giving too much away, "I just had a feeling…that something was wrong…that you needed help."

Hook started to smirk at her and, she was sure, offer some sort of smug comment on her admission, but he was shaken by violent tremors just then, shivering uncontrollably and a gruff sort of moan escaped against his will instead.

Her heart went out to him. Emma had honestly never pictured the man getting ill; he had survived a violent amputation, the Dark One's hand squeezing his heart, the rough, dangerous adventures of a pirate, and centuries of life in more than one realm. She would almost want to tease him for being felled by something as simple as the flu – if she weren't so concerned at the condition she found him in. She couldn't help wondering how long he had been lying there like that. Had he taken too much of a chill before she even arrived? What would have happened if she hadn't felt so compelled to come looking for him?

Reaching her other hand out in an effort to take his good one, Emma heard Hook's breath wheeze disturbingly as his mouth fell open, obviously trying to get a deeper breath through what must be badly congested lungs. "We'll be lucky if you haven't holed up in this drafty old boat and let your flu turn into bronchitis, Buddy," she chided him.

He tried to chuckle good naturedly, she could tell, but it became a wracking fit of coughs that made him clutch at his ribs and squeeze her hand in his, as if for reassurance that she was still there. "Hang in there," she whispered, squeezing back. "You're going to be okay." He barely nodded, but then his eyes fluttered closed and he didn't respond to her anymore. His loud, openmouthed, stuffy breathing let her know not to be alarmed, but Emma took the chance to look away from him and glance around the cabin.

There was a fireplace, but he had obviously not even felt strong enough to get up and tend it, as it had sunk to embers and was about to go out. She felt her own teeth nearly chattering it was so chilly in the room. He should probably be taken to someone's house – or to the hospital – but she didn't think she could move him alone, or that he was going to be able to stand and help her much.

Forcing herself to clear her head and draw in a deep, steadying breath, Emma tried to focus on one problem at a time. She pulled her hand from his clasp, and then patted his arm gently as if to reassure him she would only be a minute, though he made no movement and seemed out of it again. Stepping to the other side of the room, Emma took the poker from the mantle and stoked the fire until the embers flickered to a bit more life, then added a couple new logs. She glanced over her shoulder to make sure he wasn't looking, and then began to rummage carefully through the heavy old trunk she spotted in the corner until she found a few more blankets than the single one that Hook was using – which must have already been on the bed. He was obviously sweating and feverish, but she knew that he was still chilled and needed to stay covered.

Coming back to his bedside, she sat tentatively on the edge of his bunk, just next to his hips and gently spread both blankets over his inert form, tucking them in with a level of care and concern that bewildered, frightened, and warmed her all at once. Hook didn't even open his eyes, but let out a breathy sigh and murmured in a voice even lower and rougher than usual, "Emma…you came…"

Her name on his lips with such pure and simple affection stilled her motions and she froze for a moment, hands hovering over him as if she had forgotten how to move. Blinking, Emma came back out of her trance and stood again, looking around to see that the fire was crackling and the room was already less cold. With a nod of approval to herself, she quickly escaped above deck for a moment.

She knew her first call should be her parents, to let them know she wouldn't be coming for supper after all. However, she dreaded explaining to her suspicious, overprotective father why she had felt the need to check on Captain Hook and now didn't want to leave him sick and alone. So she put it off by calling Ruby first, knowing the other woman was about to get off work at the diner and asking her to pick up some orange juice, bottled water, cough syrup, and Kleenexes, and bring them to the Jolly, promising she would explain when Ruby arrived. Then, once she couldn't put it off any longer, Emma was relieved to get Snow on her parents' phone. Her mother actually seemed concerned about the Captain as well and wanted to help, but Emma managed to dissuade her – for reasons she didn't even want to study too carefully. She informed her mother she would be back in the morning, once she made sure Hook had some fluids in him and his fever had broken, and they ended the call.

She paced on the deck until she saw Ruby striding down the dock – sashaying was more like it. The female wolf had a sort of wild grace even in her human form that Emma wasn't ashamed to admit she envied. Emma gave Snow's best friend a wave, and Ruby grinned widely, holding up the bag of requested items. Emma thanked her, explained what was going on, paid Ruby, and tried not to dwell on how anxious she was to get back to Hook and make sure he wasn't any worse.

"You've got it bad and don't even know yet," Ruby murmured, eyes twinkling mischievously at Emma.

Emma felt her hackles rise as she shot back defensively, "What are you talking about?"

Ruby just raised an eyebrow at Emma, giving her a look that said she might be fooling herself, but it was right there for anyone else to see. "You can't lie to someone with a canine sense of smell," Ruby smirked teasingly. "The pheromones are literally rolling off of you in waves. Not that I blame you…" she paused, licking her lips almost predatorily, "…that swagger, those eyes, and all that leather…"

Emma snorted indelicately, rolling her eyes at the waitress' antics and turning Ruby to give her a push towards the gangplank. "You're crazy!" she added, laughing even as her pulse raced with the truth and she hoped the other woman couldn't sense that too.

"Whatever you need to tell yourself, Sheriff," Ruby called back as she sidled off with a wave. "I'll let you go…for now. But I want details later." She turned once to wink at Emma, then she was gone, her chuckling at Emma's expense fading behind her.

Once Ruby had left, Emma redirected her steps below; trying to wipe her mind clean of the werewolf's teasing and her heart's whispering that what Ruby said was true. She stepped back into Hook's cabin, eyes immediately drawn to him across the room as she rooted through the bag to pull out the medicine and a bottle of water. She moved closer, only to see that he was shaking, teeth chattering, limbs shuddering enough that the blankets were sliding off him. His eyes were no longer closed, and they rolled up to meet hers weakly as he coughed harshly, sounding as though it raked his chest raw. "No need to gawk at me, Emma love, it's embarrassing enough having you here when I'm like this." He didn't get any more out though as the effort of speaking set off another coughing fit. Trembling, he suddenly wouldn't look her in the eyes.

She took pity on his pride and leaned in to help him sit, offering the plastic cup of cough syrup.

Hook wrinkled his nose, looking at it doubtfully for a moment, then glanced to her, "What is this, Lass?"

"Medicine, you stubborn pirate," she laughed, shaking her head at his hesitation and holding it out to him again. "Come on, I'm trying to help. We need to get some liquids in you."

He held out his hand to take the cup from her, but his fingers trembled so badly that Emma could see he was going to spill it all if he did. With a sigh, she brought it to his lips instead, tilting it so he could swallow, and gasped slightly, feeling a tingling sensation run through her hand as her knuckle brushed his chin. Their eyes locked together at the shock of the contact and neither moved until he shivered violently again, the shakes actually rattling his teeth and jerking them from the strange sort of reverie they had entered.

"Go on, Beautiful," he grit out, lying back as comfortably as he could manage and averting his eyes, "can't have you getting sick too. I'll survive. It will not be the first time in 300 years that I've been ill."

Something about the way he said those words and the look in his eyes stopped Emma cold. Her insides squeezed painfully at the thought of him suffering like this before with no one to rely on or even care if he recovered or not. That realization alone made her more determined than ever to take care of him, despite him being too proud to ask for help or want to trouble her. She shook her head, leaning with him as he tried to back away from her. "Nope, sorry, Hook. You're stuck with me." She held out the water bottle next. "Here, drink up."

His eyes narrowed, and he tried to growl at her, but the menacing effect was ruined by his raw throat and how pathetic it ended up sounding. "I'm not an infant, Swan." He grumbled a bit more, but drank about half the bottle with her holding it for him, before he stopped with a short sigh of frustration. "Go on. You must have better things to do, and I don't wish to impose."

"Really?" she shot back at him, arching a brow at his attitude, but not put off by it for a second. It was scary how alike they were; she could tell he detested looking vulnerable in front of her, or anyone. If she was honest with herself, she probably acted the same way anytime she was sick. "Stop being such a baby, Hook," she added, kicking her boots off and hanging her coat over his desk chair, "and slide over."

She nearly laughed out loud at his startled expression, and his confused, "Swan? What are you on about?"

"You're sick. You're cold. You need someone to look after you. I'm the only one here, so I'm not leaving. However, I'm tired, and it's chilly, so scoot over."

For a second, she thought he was going to fight her, and she wasn't sure if he was embarrassed, worried she would get sick, or if he truly was – despite all his innuendo – the gentleman he had always claimed to be. A round of chills and coughing gripped him again though, and when his head dropped to the pillow once more in defeat, she knew she had won. "Scoot," she ordered again, lifting the covers to crawl in next to him once he did.

So close to him, Emma realized how clammy and chilled Hook truly was. He had felt like he was burning up earlier, but the shivers would be hard to miss, curled up next to him as she was. To her amusement, as reluctant as he had seemed moments before, Hook was now pulling her closer. "You're so warm, Emma," he murmured, his arm coming to rest across her middle and shooting heat through her veins.

"You're a little bit out of your head right now, aren't you?" she teased him, still genuinely concerned, but also touched at the fact that he had allowed her comfort, feeling needed and wanted right where she was. Without thinking, or stopping to second guess what her hand did instinctively, she began to lightly stroke her fingers through his coarse, black hair, sifting it soothingly and watching as his breathing smoothed out and his forehead came to rest in the crook of her neck. It gave her an adorable little thrill in her stomach at the sight of him looking so young and unguarded, as if his burdens had lifted away.

"Emma," he murmured out under his breath, and neither the scratchiness nor the softness could mask the gentle affection in his voice.

Her heart stuttered, wondering what he was thinking as he whispered her name in his sleep. For a second, she wanted to panic and bolt, but then she realized how lovely the moment actually was. She could honestly lie right there with him and never want to move away. Occasionally, a small little tremor still ran through him, but they seemed to finally be lessening. She smirked wryly to herself, knowing that if she was smart, she would be out of his bed by morning, before he woke up feeling better and ready to plague her mercilessly for all of this. She lightly traced her hand in circles on his back, hoping he was warm enough and that she had gotten enough medicine down his throat.

Shaking her head, Emma chuckled at the way he had curled himself around her protectively, smiling in his sleep unawares. She felt her own eyelids growing heavy, and the thoughts that had troubled and distracted her all day simply floated out of her mind. She was almost grateful she had the excuse to be so close to him and hold him; she would never have done it otherwise. Defining this could wait; she was going to enjoy the moment while it lasted.

Tenderly, she tilted her head just a bit to place a light little kiss to his forehead, amazed at how beautifully at peace he looked in sleep, then cuddled deeper into their embrace. Deciding just this once not to be in control, but simply to feel, she allowed her eyes to close and followed her pirate's lead, drifting off to sleep at his side.

(I was originally so flattered that "Under the Weather" received so many nice reviews, that though I really only had that one-shot in mind, the requests for the next morning caused me to re-think and come up with this. After all, good reviews are nearly as irresistible as Killian Jones' smile. It's (again) pretty sweet and fluffy...)

Epilogue: The Next Morning

Rays of warm, golden sunlight filtered into his cabin, tickling Killian Jones' face and waking him groggily from sleep. He yawned, intending to roll over and go back to sleep, when he froze, his movement arrested in shocked surprise at discovering that he was not alone in his bunk. He stiffened, years of being on guard and ready for attack taking over unconsciously as he turned his head tentatively to the side. Despite the lingering stuffiness and congestion in his head and the weak sensation in his limbs, he was pirate enough to have already reached for the cutlass he had stowed at his other side before lying down the night before, tucked hidden between the edge of the bunk and the wall. However, the vision that greeted his eyes stilled his actions and stole his very breath.

Emma Swan was curled up next to him, actually cuddled into his side, her long, blonde tresses arrayed across the pillow with the sunlight glancing off them in a glowing halo. She let out a sweet little sigh and nuzzled her face into his shoulder, bringing her hand to rest unknowingly on his chest. There was a look of such peace on her face, that he had never seen her wear in waking hours, and it completely enchanted him.

Killian knew without a doubt that if he woke her, she would run – shut him out again, pick up her cares once more, and reinforce her walls. It pained him, but he knew it to be true, as surely as he breathed. He wanted desperately, more than he had any right to hope, for her to stay. Emma had come to him, cared for him, when he was ill and alone, and it had kindled a longing in him that she would trust him enough to stay always. From the moment he had met her, with her fiery eyes and stony determination, a modern woman out of her element in the Enchanted Forest, he had been drawn to her as strongly as had been pulling away from him. She didn't want to be abandoned as she had been before, so she had made sure to leave him first. He had been following her ever since. Her turning up last night changed the game. Suddenly, he was not the only one who cared.

Emma's brow furrowed in her sleep, as if something in her dreams troubled her, and hoping to soothe her, Killian reached over to brush a finger across her cheek, feather light, then smoothed the crinkled skin between her eyes. He was hoping to ease her back into quiet slumber, not wanting her to wake, or for this dream to end. It was as if he had wakened into a serene moment of refuge from the world that had been nothing but a bitter storm of hate and cruelty for as long as he could remember – until she entered it.

Her lovely face smoothed again, and she mumbled sleepily, a tiny smile quirking one corner of her perfect, tempting mouth. She practically hummed the word that he leaned in to hear. "Killian…" she whispered, her tone sounding so warm and happy caressing his given name that he could not help but smile and long for the day when she might speak it to him with that much affection while awake.

It didn't matter that his throat was still raw and he would kill for a drink. He tried to stifle the need to cough, for fear it would jostle the golden-haired angel who had now rolled over to face him and twined her legs with his as surely as she had twined her grasp around his heart. He hardly dared to breathe, much less move, but he was still staggered by how much better he felt just being able to clumsily sift his calloused fingers through the strands of her silky mane.

Sunlight might have been pouring in to wake them, but he was going to ignore it for the chance to have this incredible, broken, infuriating woman in his arms as long as her possibly could. "I love you, Emma lass," he whispered hoarsely under his breath, placing a kiss to her temple. Then he closed his eyes, not sure if he could actually manage sleep with her so near, but needing to savor this moment. So gently it was almost imperceptible, he cradled her even closer to the warmth of his body, glad he had woken to find her still there.

Someday, he did desire to wake her with languid kisses trailing down her neck and along her collarbone, whispering endearments before either keeping her in his bed all day to love her as she deserved or venturing out to fetch her breakfast and talk to her and she readied for a new morn. Yet he knew that day had not yet come. He would not rush her. Instead, he would celebrate the step she had taken in allowing him to know of her concern for his well-being. He would hold her close enough to memorize and treasure the feeling – in all probability, she would fight its happening again anytime soon – and be glad she had given him reason to hope. Killian touched one flaxen strand of her hair, twirled it around his finger for a moment, and then tucked it behind her ear. "I can wait as long as you need, Emma," he whispering fervently. "I have all the time in the world."

Tagging a few who might be interested (or were before): @jennjenn615  @kmomof4 @searchingwardrobes @whimsicallyenchantedrose @laschatzi @therooksshiningknight @spartanguard @optomisticgirl @tiganasummertree @gingerchangeling @kday426 @stahlop @xhookswenchx @elizabeethan @donteattheappleshook @wefoundloveunderthelight @linda8084 @lfh1226-linda @thislassishooked @resident-of-storybrooke @let-it-raines @teamhook @revanmeetra87 @tomeandflickcorner @scientificapricot @drowned-dreamer @blowmiakisscolin @ineffablecolors @artistic-writer @hollyethecurious @killian-whump @darkcolinodonorgasm @sailtoafarawayland @xsajx @thisonesatellite @profdanglaisstuff​ @shireness-says​

[strixop]

cw // bhna 362 manga spoilers, possible character death

ok!!! i have a long, loooong time theory i’ve been meaning to speak about on this blog, and even one of the reasons i started this blog, and with 362 it’s getting more relevant than ever.

call it a sin, but i haven’t watched that much of the subtitled version of bhna seasons 1-4, and it’s been a while since i saw seasons five- i watched it when it was released, and have yet to rewatch it, in favor of the manga.

so i can’t comment as much on the japanese va’s and roles, and i also haven’t reread most any of the early chapters in the manga. but, the english dub of the early seasons, present mic (and occasional aizawa) have been the ones to voiceover and explain peoples quirks. sometimes it’s in a scenario at that current moment (ex. aizawa explaining class 1-As quirks to blood king s5 ep1) but more often than not it’s apparent that it’s just them talking to the viewer.

more than this, when the shows opening plays, deku speaks in the past tense. “when i was young i realized that all men are not created equal” blah blah blah, whatever, we just know that he said that pretty often throughout the show (probably to keep viewer retention, but whatever).

nevertheless, he speaks in past tense. that might not mean anything on surface level, and yeah, it might just be a inner monologue, but why would he say this? besides typical tv purposes, whenever he reflects during the story, he never speaks this way. he thinks of supporting roles, or moments of significance up to his current action, not that he wasn’t equal. so that implies further, complete reflection. we haven’t seen him do that, not really.

honestly, when i had this idea i hadn’t really thought about it past surface level fluff, but then i started reading more tumblr analysis. (unfortunately i lost the blog that made this post, but thank you, op!!)

there was a specific post that caught my eye, speaking about the toga confession chapter. this has been touched on by a lot of people, but there’s a specific log of dialogue that sounds suspiciously like bakugou.

“because for all his triumphs, he was still just a damned nerd.”

that got me thinking, even more. the fact of the matter is, bakugou is one of, if not the only characters to say something like this. “damned nerd”, has both damned and nerd in it, both words bakugou very frequently uses.

though i was more convinced, i let it stew. until bam. 362. besides the obvious whiplash, i basically drowned myself in tumblr posts, until i came across this post.

https://chandralia.tumblr.com/post/691959313676304384/why-does-it-sound-like-both-deku-and-bakugo-are

in other words, it sounds as if bakugou & midoriya are narrating, and that is why im writing this now.

ladies and gentlemen, i believe that bhna is narrated podcast style.

because honestly? it makes sense!!

all of these people, these prominent characters working together to tell the story of the worlds greatest hero. to say that deku isn’t just another all might, and that greatness isn’t born from lucky circumstances and no self preservation. to say that someone “worth nothing” can show their worth.

and it would make more sense!! present mic literally has a radio show, aizawa is literally one of his mentors, and bakugou is his kacchan, his other half. if you ship them or not is your opinion, but regardless of subjectivity, they hold a bond indescribable compared to almost any other character, canonically.

yeah it might just be because i’m obsessed with the image of them all in a recording studio, and yeah it might be that i refuse to accept the possibility that katsuki might be dead, but if there’s even a chance that something like this could be a possibility i will not stop speaking about it.

if all of this is just brainrot, so be it, but it would be so inspiring to see something like this, and would be huge for such a popular and such an iconic shoujo manga to pursue something like this, and hey, that would be amazing for a future au!! :)

[kaizokuou-ni-naru]

The Voyage So Far: East Blue (Part One)

east blue (1 | 2) || alabasta (1 | 2) || skypiea || water 7 || enies lobby  || thriller bark || paramount war (1 | 2) || fishman island || punk hazard || dressrosa (1 | 2) || whole cake island || wano (1 | 2)

so!! hey folks. as i’ve mentioned before, to mark the upcoming chapter 1000 (holy shit!!) as well as my blog’s first anniversary this december, i decided it would be a good time to go back and put together some highlight reel posts of my favorite panels/moments/scenes from each saga and some commentary about what i think the best parts of each arc and the series as a whole are and why, as a celebration of just how far one piece has come and how many fantastic moments we've had so far! 

this will be quite a series of rather long posts- they’ll all be tagged #the voyage so far, if you’d like to avoid this messy retrospective. i'll be posting one saga a day each day until chapter 1000's official release on january 3rd!

honestly, i’m opening with this panel because it has a special place in my heart: i’m pretty sure it was the first time that one piece ever made me laugh. 

the entire prologue does a really good job of setting up the tone for the entire rest of the story. i think i haven’t really written much about it before, but i really love romance dawn. it hits the exact mix of humorous and serious that’s practically one piece’s trademark tone, and introduces us to some of the main themes of the series: inherited will especially, and the theme of freedom, and the idea of betting your life for what you love. 

technically this isn’t the first time we see luffy as an adult- he punches out the sea king before this- but it is his formal introduction, as well as (in the chapter title) the first time he’s referred to as strawhat luffy/mugiwara no luffy. 

i really like a lot of these very early panels of luffy, really. i’m a writing person, not an art person, so i can’t really explain why, but there’s something about how he’s drawn that i think is just delightful for some reason. i like the earlier one piece art a whole lot in general, even though it’s often much less intricate and more simple than the current artstyle (which is not by any means bad either!! it’s just different). i think it fits the atmosphere of the start of the story very well- a journey just starting out. 

he’s going to be pirate king!!

i’ve complained before about how zoro’s backstory doesn’t really hit the way a lot of the others do, mostly because it goes so fast, and kuina’s death is unfortunately the closest the series comes to fridging, but- that said, i do really like the core of it. i really like zoro being motivated by a promise to the one friend and rival he could never beat, and i love how this moment is what he cites later on while facing mihawk: a promise to a friend. 

i love all the strawhats and their dynamics, and seeing the crew grow and develop and become a family over the course of hundreds of chapters is one of the great joys of one piece, but i think i’ll always have a soft spot for luffy and zoro’s relationship. there’s never really any conflict between them after their very first meeting; there’s loyalty and dedication and understanding there that starts from this moment and never really wavers.

it makes me grin to see the two of them, here at the start of it all. they don’t have a flag or a ship or a destination, yet, but this is the start of the strawhat pirates.

this series will probably reveal that i have a great weakness for group shots, and i think oda is particularly good at them- especially in these earlier arcs, you can usually see every character’s personality and feelings coming through in how they’re placed and what they’re doing. 

i had actually forgotten that usopp did this, and while i know kuro was egging him on on purpose, i feel like he doesn’t get enough credit for being a reckless idiot sometimes. there’s a reason he fits in as a strawhat, after all, even if he himself isn’t always aware of it. 

this is a lovely panel just on its own, but i think it (and all the other appearances of sunrise and dawn in the story) hits different now, with all the 'coming dawn’ theming that’s been established in recent arcs. 

oda often absolutely nails his use of negative space to emphasize heavy little moments like this, and i for one absolutely love it. this one in particular gets me in the heart. 

i like how you can reread some of these early arcs and see nami’s affection for the crew growing in little moments like these, and it’s very sweet, but there’s also a quiet kind of sadness in knowing she’s spending the whole time knowing she’s going to have to betray and leave them eventually. 

i LOVE the new crewmate toasts. they all always look so happy.

also, in my opinion, this is the first time the strawhat pirates feel like a proper crew. they have a SHIP now! and just after this, they get their jolly roger to seal the deal. 

it is my opinion that sanji has one of the best character introductions i’ve ever seen. in just a few chapters we know just about everything we need to know about him: he's not to be fucked with, he has extremely high respect for food and absolutely none for morons, and the first genuine smile we see from him is when he gives a free meal to a starving man. 

i think about this moment a lot, really. luffy knows almost nothing about sanji at this point. he hasn’t tasted his food- he doesn’t even know his name. but he’s seen sanji give free food to gin for no other reason than that he’s hungry and it’s right, and that’s all it takes for luffy to decide that sanji is gonna be his cook. 

baratie is mostly a serious arc (and leads into the even more serious arlong park), but it has some really good funny moments towards the start and this is one of them. you know they’re friends because they all just start roasting luffy without sympathy or hesitation. 

i’ve mentioned before that the zoro and mihawk fight was one of the big things that hooked me on one piece (the other being sanji’s backstory), but the way it ends, especially, is one of my favorite moments in the whole series. i love,, strawhat loyalty moments. carve “any complaints, pirate king?” on my fucking grave. 

sanji has a lot of really great action panels in this arc, but this is one of my favorites mostly because his combat abilities are being revealed to the audience at the same time they’re revealed to a lot of the characters watching. i can’t remember who pointed it out but sanji’s character design (especially pre-timeskip) just really looks like he’s designed for kicking- shiny black shoes, about 70% leg- and it really shows in panels like this. 

sanji and zeff’s chronic inability to communicate is kind of the emotional core of baratie, and i think sanji calling the restaurant zeff’s treasure sums up the entire conflict between them very neatly. of course zeff values sanji way more than the restaurant, but zeff will never tell that to his face and sanji has negative zero self-worth so he’s never going to figure it out on his own. so they’re basically in a stalemate. 

sanji’s backstory is absolutely brutal. we spend a truly agonizing amount of time literally just watching him slowly starve to death. it’s no secret that oda is really amazing at backstories, but i think sanji’s is probably one of the most effective at driving home exactly where his very specific mindset as an adult comes from. it’s hard to even read this section and not come away with at least a little more appreciation for food. 

(to be continued in east blue part two!)

[whump-a-la-mode]

🍳 - Breakfast in bed

Idk all you characters are great.

It took me a while to decide on a scenario for this-- there’s so many good ones for a prompt as cute as this one! I eventually decided on Villainsicle, kind of a spiritual successor to the Nurse Me prompt. Some prologue caretaking for our good good boy.

Thank you so much for the ask! Sorry I haven’t been posting much these last few days, I have been stuck doing So Much Overtime. But my inbox is full of comfort prompts, so hopefully I’ll have some more cute stuff written soon!

For this ask game. 

CW//Past pet whump, dehumanization, low self esteem, speech difficulties

Villain didn’t understand beds.

For the Henchmen, that hadn’t been an immediate realization. Not quite as immediate as their confusion over plates and silverware and cups. When the drenched stranger had shown up, bedroom arrangements had been the last thing they’d thought about. They were far too busy frantically drying off their new ward and trying to get food down their throat.

After they were dry and had stopped their frenetic shaking on that first day, Henchman had laid them upon their own bed-- and they had been far too exhausted to refuse. Hell, they had been asleep before they hit the mattress.

Once Villain had recovered to the point of no longer needing constant attention, Henchmen had set up a spare room to accommodate them. With the difficulty involved in procuring a bed on such short notice, they had instead acquired a simple sleeping pad for their dependent. Villain had never seemed to use it, but that hadn’t proved to be too strange.

When they decided to continue sleeping on the floor instead of on their newly-arrived bed, however, that is when the two Henchmen took notice.

“They have to have used a bed before, right?” Henchman2 absentmindedly tore a napkin between their fingers, creating a small pile of the ripped paper. “They’re our age. There’s no way they haven’t.”

“Well, they’d never seen a cup before, either, to be fair.” Henchman nodded. “It does seem weird, though. They’re pretty clearly from Organization, like us. And our dorms had beds.”

“Shitty beds.”

“Yes, shitty beds. But still beds.”

Henchman2 nodded, arranging their pile of napkin scraps for a moment, before speaking:

“We should probably do something about it, right?”

“What do you mean?”

“If our goal is to, y’know, help them act like a person, sleeping in a bed is part of that, right?”

“I guess so. I didn’t even think about it.”

“Have you tried, like, talking to Villain about it?”

“Not really. I helped them into the bed once, and when I came back they were back on the floor.”

“Weird.”

“Yeah... But, what can we really do about it?”

“If you want to help them act like a person, you’re going to have to talk to them like a person.”

“I don’t want to scare them.”

“You’re going to make food about it, aren’t you?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m gonna make food about it.”

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ 

The sun looked different when it wasn’t shining over the water.

On the water, the bright rays never allowed themselves to be ignored. They did not simply provide light, but bright glimmering spots on the black ocean surface, rippling on splashing drops, glistening on the ship’s wake.

On land... Sun was a source of light. Subtler. Not making itself known-- only being visible in the few dew drops where scattered liquid made its way onto dry ground.

Villain still hadn’t gotten used to that. Nor had they truly gotten used to the ground itself-- the world beneath was meant to be a fluid thing, shifting and rolling with the tides. The stillness felt as odd to them as the sea once had.

In a way, they missed the sea. The glare of the dawning sun threatened to make them flinch away, but they resisted, standing in front of the window, staring out over the rolling hills outside.

Were they near the sea? They searched the horizon, but saw not its whistling white waves.

The nice people-- Henchman and Henchman2, they had names, Villain reminded themself-- kept offering them activities. Books, board games. Things that perhaps they should have been interested in. Some of them were scattered across the room’s floor, even now.

But, they couldn’t bring themself to pay mind to those things. They were far more interested in simply looking out the window. Looking for the sea. They had yet to find it, but they could not help but feel that, if they looked for long enough, they would eventually spot it.

Soon. It was getting light, now. They’d tried staring out the window all night long, but had seen not the slightest glimpse of water-reflected moonlight.

Their legs shook, and their eyelids were terribly heavy. But they wanted so desperately to find the sea.

“Villain?”

They perked up, though stayed in their position, not so much as averting their gaze. It sounded to be Henchman-- the more cautious of the nice people. The softer one. Perhaps they wanted to play another game, though Villain knew they would be far too confused by the rules and the little pieces to get anywhere.

“Villain, is it alright if I come in?”

“Come in yes okay.” They nodded. Words still felt so thick on their tongue, but they made the nice people so happy. It was more than worth it, to see the way they smiled when Villain stuttered out a few sounds.

The doorknob turned, door creaking on its hinges as Henchman walked in, backwards, hands seemingly occupied by something. Villain turned, looking back to the nice person.

“Oh-” Henchman looked up. “I didn’t think you’d be awake.”

“S’rry.”

“No, no, it’s fine. But... you look tired. Did you sleep at all?”

Henchman frowned. Villain could not help but do the same-- they had messed up. They had made the nice person sad.

“No.”

“Were you looking out the window?”

“Mhm.”

“Well... I brought something for you. And I thought maybe we could talk.”

“’kay.”

Villain looked to the item in Henchman’s hands as they sat on the bed. It had been shoved into the room a few days ago, even though they didn’t entirely understand why. There was no one here to use it.

Henchman patted the space beside them on the bed-- one of the new command signals for ‘Assido.’ Villain obeyed, sitting down beside the nice person.

“Want to talk about what?”

In response, Henchman picked up the platter they held, handing it to them. It was a plate-- they’d remembered that word yesterday. The food on it was familiar-- and it was food, if Henchman brought it, it was always food-- though the words escaped their mind’s grasp like eels. Something like bread, but with square holes, took up most of the platter, with something yellow and speckled with salt curled about the sides.

“About your bed.”

Villain blinked.

“This?” They pointed to the piece of furniture on which they sat.

“Yes.” Henchman’s brows raised in surprise. “You know about beds?”

“Yes?” It was a silly question to ask.

“Me and Henchman2 have been worried. You haven’t been sleeping on the bed. You’ve been sleeping on the floor. You can do what you want, of course, but... you don’t have to sleep on the floor.”

More confused blinking.

“No one here for sleep in bed.”

“You’re here. It’s your bed.”

What? Villain was certain they had heard right, but the words confused them nonetheless. They still struggled to make words with their own mouth, but other people’s words were easier. Fuzzy sometimes, but simple.

“I do not sleep on bed.”

“Oh. Do you not like it?”

Villain felt completely lost. They must have misheard something at some point.

“Beds for people.”

“Beds are for people?” Right. Verb. Need a verb.

They nodded. “Beds are for people.”

Henchman frowned, though the way their brow furrowed showed an emotion other than disappointment. It almost appeared as... fury.

“Villain, you are a person.”

“Asset.” They corrected.

“No.” Henchman laid a hand on their shoulder, making them shiver. “Villain, you are a person just as much as I am. Just as much as anyone else.”

“Why?”

“B-Because... Because you are? Because you’re a human being. And people sleep on beds. This is your bed, if you want it. Do you want it?”

Even just sitting on it made them comfortable enough that they felt, at any moment, about to fall into unconsciousness. The floor was fine, but...

“Yes.”

“Okay.” Henchman smiled. “How about, you have some breakfast in bed, and then get some sleep, okay?”

“Thank.”

“Of course, sweetheart.”

For a reason beyond Villain’s comprehension, Henchman leaned forward, wrapping their arms around their body and squeezing.

What was that called again? A... A...

A hug.

[vampiremourning]

I’ve been moving so I haven’t had time to sit and work on anything really which is unfortunate because school is starting up again ech

butttttttt anyway my self indulgent thoughts that have been sort-of keeping me afloat recently are the rumblings of a couple new ocs who i probably wont end up doing anything with as far as posting goes since the recent reception of my stuff in general just kinda depresses me more lmao but moving on. i keep thinking about my weirdo human oc and her yautja partner, and how they met at the end of a hunt when the bones had been collected and were being brought back to the ship. she's a bit of a weirdo who inadvertently just sort of flaked away from her old life. didn't really mesh with anyone, wasnt hated but wasnt cared about either so it was Whatever when she took off to live a bit more remotely to work closer to her art. i maintain she's a taxidermist by trade and idk if this is realistic or not but since its my fantasy and i choose the rules lmao she makes a decent living selling off her pieces. some are just straightforward rebuildings of the creatures she finds but most are weird and wonderful imaginative scenes & sets (think like,, the rat pope thing only Bigger and done better lmao).

so the bones are her thing and she finds herself trying to take home a bear or mountain lion or smth like that's body at the same time the yautja is. she's not a threat to him like. at all lmfao. just this skinny little bewildered thing looking up in shock when he materializes. the acceptance is,,, weirdly quick actually? like there's an element of wonder ofc but she's still like 'well. strange shit happens all the damn time why not this too.' and in a wild act of autopilot starts to ask him about the other trophies he's hanging onto. i think he would be slightly confused by this but also like. its oddly endearing lmao, just extremely earnest in her curiosity.

something something time passes and a real ~relationship~ starts up between them with every earth visit (she offers to display the trophies, which,, hmm, no, but he Does bring her carcasses specifically for her to work with separate from the trophies lmao) & he just thinks shes the greatest. like yes, very much odd, but still, she's fantastic. 10/10 listener, pretty funny, good looking as far as he can tell, there's really not much to dislike tbh. he's slightly confused about her chosen lifestyle though, bc as far as he knows the humans are also social creatures not unlike his own species and he just assumes that there must be other people in the area somewhere she spends time with, it doesnt make any sense otherwise that there wouldnt be, & she was just so open and social with him in spite of the fact that he wasnt human, surely some other people must be around to appreciate that too?

ofc thats when the conversation gets a bit awkward and she tries to think of someone to seem less pathetic in the eyes of the hunter who, for whatever godforsaken reason, thinks she's interesting enough to keep coming back here for. well, um, not exactly like that? i mean, i do talk to people sometimes. um. when i sell sculptures to them, or when i have to go food shopping. i think the video store clerk knows my name, probably? hahah um. yeah. & for the first time it finally clicks that there is 100% a reason she seems so excited whenever he drops by and gives her the time of day, even for a little bit. those several-week stretches between visits are more than likely very quiet for her, & are almost certainly void of any conversations deeper than asking if she wanted reusable or plastic bags. and she seems kinda :/ unhappy that this has come up conversationally too, bc in her mind now he knows that there must be something wrong with her if she isnt normal in that particular way, and she was kinda hoping to keep that hidden or at least severely downplayed, because he's not From Here; maybe he wouldnt know? maybe she could just pretend?

its not something he can just kill and fix, but maybe theres something he could offer. would she like to come with him for a bit? not long, just a couple weeks. see the stars & some new lands (he would probably pick places that had '''easy''' hunts to ensure she would have a ride back to earth lmao), a break in routine to take her mind off of things + give some sort of legitimate excuse for not being able to talk to anyone. its a weird + temporary solution but his heart is in the right place and you know as scared as i think she would be (space travel is a Lot) i think she would end up having fun. it Would be new and exciting and most importantly, she would not be experiencing it alone. i mean, yes, he's been to space hundreds of times before, its not new for him, but he sort of gets to re-live that initial wow emotion through someone else and tbh thats pretty special.

i have more probably on this but its late so :p thats all there is for now

[bthump]

I wanted to touch on the whole gutsca thing with someone (I know zero people in this fandom so you're my lucky pick!). Am I alone in feeling like their first time together came out of no where? My meta with Guts is that he was not at all comfortable with sex at that time of his life (this instance being his first time [outside of the rape he experienced as a child]). His choice of words too, "here I go", translated to me like someone only doing what they felt was expected of them rather than something he was yearning for. He clearly wasn't even ready given how rough he was and how he regressed and attacked her. This moment seemed very forced and almost rang to me like Kentaro's declaration of "no homo though". I would be curious to know how Kentaro felt about homosexuality (bisexuality, etc) and if he ever addressed the ever blatant gay tension and romantic-non-platonic-love blossoming between Guts and Griffith pre-eclipse. I do get the sense that this may be a case of severe queer baiting or perhaps a PSA against gay love altogether ("falling for a man will literally destroy you and send you and everyone you love to hell" type of message); but I'm a very jaded person so I hope to be proven wrong. Sigh, my point being Gutsca seems pretty dang forced and empty of true development. I buy them more as besties than anything romantic. Especially since both he and Casca are actually in love with Griffith (what a fucking triangle!). Does anyone in fandom have any opinions on the sad possibility of this whole beautiful and ultimately tragic love between Griffith and Guts actually being a fucked up anti-gay PSA? Are there any interviews with Kentaro shooting this theory down so I can stop being sad and bitter about it? What are your thoughts?

Thanks for sending this, I'm definitely down to talk about it! I hope you connect with more people in the fandom but don’t worry about sending random asks even if you do lol.

Anyway you’re definitely not alone. I have a lot of thoughts on Guts and Casca's hook up, and they're all pretty much "it feels really forced and not particularly romantic but I think you can argue that that's deliberate" lol. For instance I discuss in a lot of detail here how various aspects of the scene indicate that Guts and Casca having sex is shown to be a case of both of them rebounding from Griffith and sort of giving to each other what they were unable or failed to give to him.

And I talk a lot about how Judeau essentially orchestrates it all and what that suggests about Guts and Casca's relationship here.

And lol sorry for all the links but also this post is about how their relationship feels one-sided to an extent and is used to illuminate a lot of Guts' flaws, using Judeau as a comparison point.

Oh shit and also one more lol, here's a comparison between the sex scene and Griffith's with Charlotte that suggests that both start as ways for the dudes to repress their feelings.

(Don't feel obligated to read all those posts if you don't want, you should get the gist of what I'm saying w/ those descriptions.)

But yeah basically I do think that Guts and Casca getting together felt forced and awkward. At best it might be intended to be seen that way, as two friends hooking up awkwardly in an emotionally intense moment but probably doomed to failure because neither of them are ready for a relationship with the other, or particularly interested in one deep down, once they finished "licking wounds." At worst it’s just bad writing lol. But again like I think there are good arguments for the former.

I also totally agree that their relationship has a strong vibe of doing what's expected. Like for real, at least to me both Guts and Casca read so easily as gay and repressed lol. Casca talks about her feelings for Griffith in terms of “he was a boy she was a girl can I make it any more obvious”

and I can’t help but see it as Casca like, wow I have strong feelings towards Griffith, he’s a man and I’m a woman, so clearly these feelings must be romantic, there’s no other option. Then when she has sex with Guts she keeps contextualizing it essentially as repayment for Guts saving her, like she owes him. “I too want a wound I can say you gave me.” “Not just being given to... maybe I can give something as well.” Which just doesn’t make her desire for him look all that genuine lol.

And then you have Guts. The way he tells Casca that from the start only her touch was okay with him after he has sex with her, referencing the scene when he wakes up with her on top of him and starts to panic before realizing she’s a woman, is soooo suggestive of repression to me. Like, first off because it’s incorrect, he was also okay with Griffith going in for a face-grab after winning a duel Guts had been projecting his rape trauma all over, which seems like a pretty conspicuous omission. And secondly because the reason he was okay with Casca’s touch specifically is solely because she’s a woman, not because she’s special or because they have a magic romantic connection - it’s because she’s not a man. To me that just screams that Guts was open to sex with Casca because she’s the only woman he knows, and he’s afraid of the idea of physical intimacy with men, regardless of what he might actually want deep down.

So yeah that’s basically how I feel about Guts and Casca’s relationship, strong agree with you.

When it comes to Miura’s intent, I can tell you that Miura was asked about the subtext in an interview once, back in 2000, and he responded with something along the lines of ‘two men can have passionate feelings for each other without it being romantic.’ The interview is here, but this is a paraphrase the translator mentioned in the comments.

Other than that I’ve never seen him address it directly, but on the flipside he has cited several textually gay stories as inspiration (off the top of my head: Kaze to Ki no Uta, Devilman, Guin Saga, mangaka Moto Hagio in general), and he has straightforwardly said that the (magical intersex) central character of his other work, Duranki, was intended to have romances with both male and female love interests. Also people tell me there are strong griffguts vibes with the main, presumably canon or intended-to-be-canon ship there. So there’s that lol.

As for the no homo aspect and the potential homophobia in the griffguts subtext... I can’t deny I’ve also considered the idea that it’s a deliberate anti-gay PSA (though I haven’t seen anyone else address the idea as far as I remember, and I’ve only briefly mentioned it offhandedly). Like, Guts and Griffith’s relationship turns bad because they’re both too invested in each other, maybe the barely-subtextual desire is meant to look like a sinister twisting of pure platonic feelings that ruins everything, if Griffith hadn’t loved him the Eclipse never would have happened, etc.

But honestly I don’t think that reading holds up compared to a much more positive reading of their feelings, in which it’s their failure to understand them and act on them, thanks largely to formative childhood trauma and self-hatred, that leads to tragedy.

I don’t know what Miura intended, and there certainly are aspects of the story that are homophobic regardless of his intent, even if my best-faith reading is entirely correct, like the only textual gay attraction being pedophiles and over the top heretic orgies lol, or yk, Guts and Griffith both assaulting the same woman while looking at/thinking about the other in a very sexually charged way.

But the reading of their relationship where it’s positive and good for both of them, even including sexual desire, and only gets fucked up because they both incorrectly think their feelings are unrequited is legitimately so weirdly strong, much stronger than a reading where the sexual nature of their feelings is what fucks everything up, so I’m pretty happy just rolling with that take.

And as much as Casca can be seen and may very well be intended as a no homo, it’s also very easy for me to read her relationships with both as less of a hopeful opportunity for positive heterosexual romance and more of a “here’s how repressing your feelings thru attempts at heterosexuality fucks you up” PSA lol. Griffith and Charlotte too, for that matter. It’s definitely a stretch to think that’s intended, but whether it’s intended or not it’s an easy sell for me and I’m fine with not really worrying too much about possible authorial intent there.

Finally, I also want to link this post that goes pretty thoroughly into why I interpret griffguts as very positive rather than as a cautionary tale or predatory gay lust etc

And also have this shorter post about Femto on the same subject too, why not

Oh and maybe this thing where I split hairs about Guts’ lust for Griffith and desire for revenge to make a point that the homoeroticism isn’t necessarily being equated with violence by the narrative lol

[novantinuum]

Hi, I was just wondering if you had ever thought about what would have happened in your story "Hollowed Moon" if you had continued it. I always thought it was such an interesting setup that could have gone in so many different directions. And there really aren't other stories focusing on Stevonnie and Spinel, so it was unique!

Hiya!

So, I do have some half-written, half-plotted out material to share. I gave this story some consideration the other day, and came to the decision that I don't have the desire to finish it out, alas- I have far too many other active WIPs to add it to the list. There's a few good reasons why I discontinued it, anyways... intimidation over the huge surge of attention it was getting back in 2019, some rude comments from overzealous Spinel fans, (I know everyone isn't like this, but a certain segment of the Spinel side of the SU fandom kinda burned me over time, hhh), and a future chapter containing a sensitive topic that I wasn't in a good headspace to write about at the time.

But! Anyways! Below the cut is all the existing material I have for Hollowed Moon past chapter 14, consisting of a mixture of descriptions, sketchy dialogue, and prose. It honestly feels nice to finally be able to put this story to an official rest.

__

Chapter 15

“I... I saw her.”

“Who-?”

“I saw Pink Diamond. I saw you, in this exact garden, in a dream. I- it was like I was experiencing everything through her. She explained your game, tapped your nose and told you to smile, then warped away—“

“That’s it, that’s what happened, almost exactly! But how could you even know that, I never—“

“I don’t know,” they blurt out. “I have empathic abilities, and sometimes that makes dreaming a little weird, but I have no idea how or why I saw any of this.”

[Pause for Stevonnie to think]

“Spinel, I’m so, so sorry,” they whisper brokenly. “But I think... she left you here.”

“What...?”

“She said she’d return, but before she warped away she whispered goodbye, like she didn’t actually intend to make good on that promise. She was lying to you,” they choke out, voice thick.

“No. No,” she says in clear denial, “no she’s not. She can’t be! She told me she’d come back! I can wait! I just have to wait—“

“But she’s not! She... she can’t, because Pink Diamond is gone. She- she was shattered, Spinel. Five thousand years ago, on the Earth. I- I should’ve told you this from the beginning, and I didn’t, and I- I’m so, so sorry—! But she left you behind, and now she’s never coming back.”

[Silence. Tears brim in Spinel’s eyes. Her eyes grow dark, pained, and then she glares at Stevonnie with such venom it almost knocks them backwards in alarm. ]

“NO!” she screams, tears streaming down her faded pink cheeks.

[She tears her feet up from the roots and runs away, using her arms like an orangutan to vault herself forward super fast so Stevonnie can’t catch her.]

___

Chapter 16

AN: Content warning for self-shattering attempt. Part of the reason why I had to stop writing this story at the time. I considered pushing the plot another way, but it didn't feel authentic to how I believed this scenario would play out for Spinel when she didn't have a direct target for her anger. Without someone to actively be jealous and upset AT, I could only imagine her breaking inwards instead of outwards, feeling that she's utterly failed in her life's purpose. Nothing more than a description for this chapter... and it'd be a short one.

[When Stevonnie finds her, she’s smashing her fists against her gem in her sheer anguish. She’s already cracked it. She’s glitching. It looks terribly painful. She’s about to strike her gem again when Stevonnie intervenes.]

___

Chapter 17

[Post timely intervention. Spinel is still cracked at this moment, though... her form glitching as she cries.]

“I was... her best friend,” she cries, fat, glistening tears streaming down her cheeks. “I was supposed to make her happy! Why wasn’t she happy? Why didn’t she come back?“

[Spinel reasoning that maybe if Pink came back for her, she wouldn’t have been shattered in the first place]

“What did I do wrong?” she whispers hoarsely, gazing pleadingly into Stevonnie’s eyes. “Wha- what am I doing? Why do I wanna hurt myself so badly?”

“Shh, now,” they reply, tears of their own brimming at the crease of their eyes, and pull Spinel’s head to their chest. “I’ve got you...”

___

Chapter 18

They know their throat is tight, and their voice scratchy. They know they’ve never sung this song in front of another living being, since it’s something personal they composed alone on one of their late nights back on Earth, thinking about all the difficult days Steven and Connie have had to face over the months. Pair this with their active crying, and there’s no way their singing will be anything pretty.

But pretty doesn’t matter right now.

Stevonnie opens their lips, and— clutching the broken hearted Gem close, rhythmically rocking with her back and forth— lets the wandering melody emerge from within.

“I guess I have to face That in this awful place I shouldn’t show a trace Of doubt...”

“But pulled against the grain I feel a little pain That I would rather do Without...”

“I’d rather be Free, free Free...”

[Hoarse, Spinel starts singing with them.]

“I’d rather be Free, free Free...”

“Free, free Free...”

“From here...”

[Stevonnie holds her tight while crying, their tears healing it back up.]

___

Chapter 19

AN: Don't have anything but a single bit of dialogue in this chapter note- I'm assuming I intended it as being a good few hours after the events of chapters 16-18... when Spinel has calmed down a little and has a moment to reflect on the upsetting news she's just received.

“I think... I always knew,” she says, voice hoarse. “In a way. It was so obvious how she felt about me.

___

Chapter ?

AN: From here on out, the plot hasn't been split into individual chapters.

[At some point shortly after chapter 19, Lars and his crew locate Stevonnie in the garden, and pick them and Spinel up. The next few bits of dialogue and description takes place on the ship.]

Rutile twins: “I haven’t heard of Spinels being produced in over five millennia.” “Me neither!”

Rhodonite: “Yeah, I heard they stopped making them entirely after the rebellion on Pink’s colony.”

[A bit of overwhelming conversation later, no one really noticing Spinel's conflicted emotional response to so many Gems hovering around her at once.]

Padparadscha: “I predict that you’re both going to make Spinel feel very uncomfortable aboard this ship.”

Rhodonite: “I’m sorry, we don’t exactly meet new Gems every century.”

Rutile twins: “Yes!” “It’s just been us until we met our captain!”

Fluorite: “Our new huuuuman friend helped us escape the tunnels on Homeworld. Now... we’re slooowly making our way back... to Earth.”

Spinel: “Earth?? You’re going to Pink’s world? But why? I heard she... was shattered.”

___

[Spinel feeling a sense of kinship with the idea that there’s other Gems who didn’t serve their rightful purpose and are now escaping their life on Homeworld to be free of that. Because now, without her Diamond, since she was unable to keep her happy, she’s an Off Color too. She failed her given purpose same as them.]

[Discussion of Earth, and the rebellion, and how there’s Gems living free there. And how Pink’s colony was siphoning life away, and that’s what these Gems were fighting to protect. Stevonnie points out all the plants and wildlife that used to live in the garden, and asks her if she felt happier when it was around. Spinel says yes. Stevonnie says that this is what the Diamonds are destroying, with each lifeless colony they forge. Everywhere they go, dead wildlife lies in their wake.]

Spinel: “I... guess I never thought of it that way.”

[(Stevonnie adds...) And while they’re very sorry for the personal connection there, and can’t imagine how painful that must be, that’s why Pink Diamond was shattered.]

[Spinel is given an open choice... Lars gives the invitation to stay with him and the Off Colors, and Stevonnie offers for her to come with them back to Earth. It's not a hard decision for her in the end, though. She's always dreamed of seeing what was once Pink’s planet, ever since she heard the Diamonds bequeath it to her.]

___

Stevonnie: “Okay, so… before we go, I need to be honest with you about something." [deep breath] "I’m actually a fusion of two separate people who are close friends. You... know what fusion is, right?”

Spinel: “Duh, o’course! What, d’ya think I was made yesterday?”

[...]

Stevonnie: “But even with that, I can’t be together as me all the time. Steven and Connie, the two who come together to form me... they love hanging out with each other so much, but they also have their own lives! Other friends, other hobbies, their own families. They still talk when they’re apart, but they know it’s okay to do things alone, too. Do you know why I’m telling you this?”

Spinel: [shakes head no] “No...?”

Stevonnie: [sighs] “I understand you’ve been left behind. Believe me, I know how bad that feels. So the last thing I wanna do is make you think I’m doing that too.”

Spinel: “Y-you— you’re going away?” Stevonnie: “Unfusing, yes.” Spinel: “But Stevonnie, you—“ Stevonnie: “Spinel. No matter what, you are my friend. Steven and Connie consider you a friend, too. And my hope is that you’ll keep making a whole bunch more on Earth, so you’ll always have people around who know and love you. But that can’t always be me, okay?“

___

[At home... on Earth. There's a bit of a close call for Pearl when Spinel arrives, and recognizes her as Pink's second pearl. This is news for Garnet and Amethyst and Steven, the first of which had somewhat suspected that Pearl used to be in the diamonds' service, but never knew for sure. Pearl, of course... can't say much on this due to her gag order... not that anyone else knows about that yet... but does manage a very concise and PD=RQ free explanation about her past in Pink's court, and her transition towards being a Crystal Gem:]

Pearl: “Rose Quartz set me free, and I’ve been a part of the rebellion ever since.”

___

[At some point between the last scene and the next, mention how Spinel had a bit of a relapse... she ended up poofing herself, and reformed differently. A little bit closer to the smudged mascara and frayed pigtails look of canon, but no rotated heart. Unlike in canon, she has a solid support system amongst the Crystal Gems, and she's working hard to recover from the heartbreak of Pink's abandonment.]

___

[Final scene is set post A Single Pale Rose. Steven and Connie fuse, and Stevonnie goes to find Spinel to check in on how she's taking the news. The final line of the fic is as follows:]

Spinel: “I know you’re not her, not really. And I know you’ll always be a better person than she ever was. But in some silly cyclical way... back in that garden... it’s almost like Pink came back for me after all.”