#this is one of those 'what do you mean mammoths were still around when the pyramids were built' history things 2 me

[rivilu]

Ok the more i think about it the more it trips me out that Frankenstein's first edition was written before the greek revolution happened and the second just a year before independence (for southern greece only) was reached. WILD.

[myfictionaldreams]

I have such a specific idea for poly marauders so please bare with me .

James and Sirius were out to a fancy party and they come home early to see reader and remus having sex in the kitchen , remus has her spread on the table while he fucks her and she arches her back and sees sirius through blurry vision and calls his name, remus doesn’t notice them so he thinks shes calling her other boyfriends name “ wrong boyfriend sweetheart “ so he fucks her harder until she calls his name “ there you go love”.

You could continue this however you would like Maybe james and Sirius join them. I also love the idea that after everything when they’re showering she reassure remus and says something like “ it’s hard to think of anything else when I’m around you , you’re all consuming “ and the boys agree THATS SO CUTE.

I’m so sorry that this is long and graphic.

Say My Name // Poly!Marauders x Fem!Reader

A/N: Whoever you are, anon, I thank you for giving me this request because, holy shit, it has turned me (and Remus) absolutely feral, and I have no regrets.

Tags: 18+ readers only, smut, fluff, werewolf troupes, feral remus lupin, dom/sub undertones, possessive sex, size difference/kink (!), praise kink, dirty talk, self-confidence issues, gentle touching/kissing, rough oral sex (f receiving), rough sex, overstimulation, table sex, manhandling, multiple orgasms, crying, body worship, anxiety attack (nearly), restraints, blindfold, begging, aftercare :)))

Words: 5.7k

my masterlist 📚 AO3 Link

“You both look so damn handsome!” you admire dreamily with a thick lace of sarcasm as you tighten the burgundy scarf around Sirius’ neck. The mischievous glint in those twinkling grey eyes brightened as he rolled them in jest, matching the doting smirk on his full lips. “Maybe you should forgo the leather jackets more often for the waistcoats”, you say with a lustful undertone to your words as you look up at him through your lashes.

“Hmm, you think so?” he asks, dipping his height ever so slightly so that he could press his lips to yours in a surprisingly gentle kiss that still managed to pull desire in your abdomen as you leaned in for more but whined as he stood back to full height and straightened the waistcoat you loved so very much.

From behind you at the entrance to the bathroom, James was attempting to knot his bowtie when he wondered, “Are you sure you both don’t want to come with us? We each can have a plus one, which means there’s room for two. We don’t mind being fashionably late”. Glancing over your shoulder, you took in his slick attire that also caused warmth to bloom beneath your cheeks. A simple black jacket shaped perfectly for his slim waist, a crisp white shirt beneath and a matching shade of burgundy to Sirus was the colour for his tie.

The matching colours were an idea of Remus’, who was lounging across the mammoth bed, his long legs stretched out beneath him with one ankle crossed over the other. He watched James intently, the corner of his eye twitching at the messy-haired Marauder's attempts to tie his bowtie.

Remus stood and approached him, batting away James’ fingers as he began to do the job for him. You watched them fondly before answering the unanswered question. “No, it’s ok, James. Remus and I have a lovely night filled with a romantic home-cooked meal and a fancy bottle of wine. Who knows where the night may take us? Might end in some lovely… hand holding”, you say with a simple shrug to your shoulders, returning to straightening the already pristine waistcoat of Sirius.

“Oh yeah? Some strong hand-holding, Moony, is that what you’ve got planned? You might need to up your game”, Sirius jokes under his breath as he watches your fingers closely with a dipped head.

Remus snorted, smiling to himself, knowing that your night would be filled with anything but hand-holding, especially as the hours ticked closer to the following day. It was approaching the full moon, not tomorrow but the next day, but that didn’t matter as the changes were already beginning to affect Remus, and it all started with his desire for possession.

The wolf in Remus took a keen liking to you, even from all those years ago when you met the Marauders on the train to Hogwarts. It was an obsession, a need that devoured him completely to be with you. It had been described to you like a mating. Remus’ wolf thought you were his mate; therefore, as the gap between Remus’ and the wolf’s mind thinned with the full moon, the desire would take hold of Remus. There was still the deep, adoring love that he held for James and Sirius, and thankfully, this stopped him from ever deeming them a threat against your love, but others? Well, that’s where the danger lay, and therefore, it was easier for everyone if you and Remus stayed in for the night rather than have a territorial wizard with werewolf anger in a room full of people.

“Remember to please be safe out there tonight. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do, and for the love of Merlin, James, please don’t drink and fly again. I’m not having another incident like last time”.

“Yes, Mum”, James grumbles sarcastically as Sirius chuckles under his breath.

“I’ll make sure that Prongs is on his best behaviour”, Sirius reasons with you as his hands come to rest around your waist, pulling you ever so gently closer.

“Good”, you say promptly, whilst curling a piece of his long hair around your fingers before reaching up to kiss his lips with a fierce press. “You look so handsome tonight,” you try to praise him as your mouths are still kissing together.

“Don’t I always?” he responds cheekily, earning a half-hearted eye-roll as he eases away, swapping places with James so that he can say goodbye to Remus and James with you.

Your fingers automatically try to tangle through James’ hair, attempting to flatten out the messy strands, but after a couple of minutes of attempts, James tugs you by your wrists. “I don’t know why you even bother; you know my hair will just stay messy. Anyway, doesn’t it add to my roguish good looks?” he wiggles his eyebrows suggestively as he gives you a broad grin whilst kissing each of your palms.

Your fingers cup his freshly shaved cheeks, caressing the smooth skin as you say, “I hope you have fun tonight”, whilst leaning up on your tiptoes to kiss him with as much vigour as you could hear from the groans across the room with Sirius and Remus.

James sighed into the kiss, one hand matching yours by resting along your cheek and the other on your lower back as his lips pecked across your face until hovering next to your ear. “If you need us to come back, just send a note as we taught you; two flicks of your fingers and it should disappear, and we’ll come back straight away”.

Nodding your head in understanding, James kissed your cheek quickly before standing up to his full height and looking over at the other two men. “Sirius, take your tongue from Moony’s mouth; we must go!”

You tried to stifle your laughter as the two men pulled away from each other with rosy cheeks and wet lips.

Sirius and James disappeared with a flurry of green fire through the flu network installed in your shared home's kitchen. Remus turned to you with a heartwarming smile as he asked, “Shall we put some music on and start with dinner, love?”

You left it in Remus’ capable hands to find suitable music on his record player, and it ended up being a medley of David Bowie, which you were always happy to listen to. The two of you worked in unison to cook a beautiful roast dinner, moving around one another without getting in the way but making sure to remain at arm's length. Lingering touches to arms or backs, sipping slowly on the bottle of wine as Remus sang along to Bowie under his breath. You’d told him he could sing louder as you wanted to hear him, but he simply smiled and kissed your cheek, like he was embarrassed at being caught, but it was a rare day where Remus Lupin was embarrassed about anything.

The dinner was beautifully cooked, and there was enough for many more people than just you and Remus. Soon enough, you were stuffed full, thankful for deciding to wear a loose dress today with your expanded stomach. Remus was still eating as you sat and slowly digested your food, talking idly about fond memories from Hogwarts and how your work had been this week. Just anything domestically happy that the two of you could as you shifted closer in your seat so that his large scarred palm could rest on your thigh and your fingers interlock over the back of his hands.

“It’s a rare time when it gets to be just the two of us”, Remus muses, his hand squeezing your fingers and thighs as he pushes away his empty plate, his eyes solely focused on you.

“It’s been nice. As much as I love having all four of us together, sometimes it’s hard to keep up and give each of you all my attention, so when it's just one-on-one, it feels so intimate, wouldn’t you agree?”

His eyes softened as he nodded, “I definitely agree. You look so beautiful tonight, by the way. Have I told you that?”

Warmth filled your cheeks as you looked away to the glass of wine in your other hand. Even after all these years, one small compliment from Remus felt like the world, and it wasn’t the first time he had said that tonight; he’d said it every other sentence, but that didn’t hinder the giddy feeling from spreading in your chest.

“You, Mr Lupin, are a smooth talker”, you say, drinking a sip of your wine, ignoring his growing smile. Placing the glass onto the table, you shifted closer to Remus, resting a hand on his chest as you realised how much time had passed over the night. “So pudding, what would you like? I think we have some ice cream in the freezer, or if you’re lucky, James would have left us a couple of slices of his mum’s cake from yesterday”.

Remus didn’t answer immediately as you realised he was just silently watching you with the beautiful twinkle back in his eye, a curve to his lips that you itched to caress with your thumb. But then, he shifted forward in his seat so you were only mere inches from your faces touching, and the soft flop of his mousey brown hair fell into his eyes. “You’re so pretty, Remus”, you admire and then hold back a giggle as his cheeks flare with colour at your compliment.

“Pretty and scarred”, he muttered in response, cupping your wrist and bringing your fingers to his lips so he could kiss them carefully.

Your automatic response was to shout at him. It wasn’t that he had said anything remotely negative, but you knew the self-conscious thoughts that laced his words that he rarely spoke but still thought. You wanted to remind him of the hundreds of times he had ever scolded you for making negative comments about yourself or any self-doubt. Still, if you did, you knew it would ruin the positive mood for the night, so you wanted to continue with words of affirmation.

Closing the gap between each other, you kissed the tip of his nose whilst cupping both cheeks, paying specific attention to the thick pink scar that ran down from his temple, over his brow and his cheek. “I love you, scars and all”.

Remus’ tension seemed to ease from his shoulders as he breathed lightly out of his nose, his face lowering to rest on your shoulder as you held him for a moment before he began to stand and offered a hand, “What about a dance m’lady, then I’ll find you something sweet to suck on for desert”.

Ignoring the innuendo, you grinned up at him, placing your hand into his much larger palm. James and Sirius had lessons growing up from their families on how to dance for special balls they were forced to attend. You and Remus, on the other hand, were utterly clueless, but this only added to the joy and laughter as you both clumsily tried not to step on the other's toes or twirl without knocking into furniture.

You’d laughed so hard that a stitch formed in your side, causing the vivid dance to settle into a light sway. Your head rested on Remus's shoulder as his cheek pressed against the top of your head, arms around your shoulder as he lightly sang the next Bowie song.

Everything was perfect, especially as his rough fingertips danced up the nape of your neck, carefully tipping your head back so that you were now staring up into his kind eyes, his lips no longer moving along to the lyrics as he licked them carefully, moistening them before dipping his head. The kiss was as gentle as his hands now cupping your face, and you wondered for a moment if you were lightheaded from holding your breath in anticipation or from the effects of having your boyfriend kissing you.

Remus was soft, lovely and perfect as he eased away to put a gap between your mouths, but only so that he could adjust his position by keeping one hand on your jaw and the other around your waist before taking your breath away once more. Instantly, your body rose to the tips of your toes to be closer to him and firm the kiss.

The breath you’d both been holding released, noses pressing into each other's cheeks as the warm air tickled your ears. His tongue teased the seam of your lips, and as you relaxed into the kiss, many things seemed to happen at once.

The grandfather clock in the living room chimed midnight, and the soft Remus you’d been carefully kissing and exploring with your lips was now firmly gripping the back of your thighs, lifting you whilst simultaneously stepping towards the table as you squealed in shock, desperately gripping his shoulders for support.

Plates and glasses smashed onto the floor as Remus shoved aside the lovely table setting so that there was a firm blank canvas for you to be led on.

“Woah, Remus, just give me a minute.” You try to reason with him to at least get your bearings. Having been standing up two seconds ago, you were now led on your back with your boyfriend having become frantic with his actions. His shoulders shook with restraint, and his eyes didn’t lift from the edge of your skirt as he reached for the material. Not only this, but the brightness in his eyes had one, replaced with sinful hunger.

“Need you-” he muttered with a gruffness that hadn’t been there moments ago.

This was why you’d decided to stay in. Sometimes, Remus would curl around your body with the need to simply just breathe you in and declare that you were his; he’d become somewhat feral.

The fire in your body scorched to life as the need seeped into your core. As lovely as it had been, seeing him like this just did something to you. You wanted him just as desperately.

Frantically, you tried to help him lift up your skirt, but he was in control, pushing the material and tearing it in places with his firm grip until your legs and underwear-covered pussy were revealed. For a moment, it looked like he was going to dribble as you tried to reach for him to tell him to take a breath and compose himself, but all you were able to do audibly was scream out, head tipping back as Remus devoured you.

The Marauder hadn’t even waited for your underwear to be removed before his mouth was on you, hands not-so-gently wrapping around your thighs to push your legs apart, the slippers you’d been wearing now flying off in different directions across the kitchen. It was like he’d not eaten a single thing all night with the way his lips and jaw moved against your most sensitive of areas.

The sensation was odd with the barrier of cotton in between your cunt and his mouth. All you had was the pressure, wetness beginning to soak through from his tongue and the overwhelming heat from his mouth. Remus moved hungrily, licking and caressing with his mouth as you lay with your arms gripping onto the edge of the table above your head.

“Rem-Remus! Merlin, please don’t stop!” you begged desperately, allowing your body to succumb to his touch. You couldn’t even open your eyes without feeling dizzy with the sensations of his body all over your lower half as he pressed his tongue firmly against your throbbing clit, circling it with intention.

The hands on your thighs pushed harder, giving his face more room as a deep groan burned from his chest as he needed more. Still, as you whimpered from him to not stop, he stayed in place, stimulating your clit over and over again until your body was tensing with the pulses of desire from your cunt as your orgasm erupted.

His motions continued through the waves of pleasure, and even after, he carried on with his devouring, even as you verged on the edge of becoming overstimulated from the rough material of your panties rubbing against your delicate area. Remus needed more, and he was ready to take it.

The pressure on the back of your thighs suddenly disappears as he drapes your legs over his shoulders, giving you a better angle now to reach down and run your shaky fingers through his soft hair.

With your eyes firmly closed, you hadn’t noticed that your underwear had been torn clean from your body, only noticing when there was no barrier between what you both wanted. Your back arched from the stimulation of him sucking on your bundle of nerves, making an obscenely wet noise as your juices and his saliva caused a heavenly mess. 

Your legs had begun squeezing his face as you weren’t able to control your body, but he didn’t stop; he just simply continued to eat your pretty cunt. “Please….please Remus”, you continued to beg but unsure of what as you were thoroughly warm head to toe with the effects from your last orgasm, but his playful mouth knew just the right ways to keep you at the elevated bliss.

The thickness of his tongue pressed against your throbbing hole, delving as deep as he could go before curling it and exploring the warm softness of your cunt as the tip of his nose stimulated your clit.

It was intense, primarily as his large hands now rested on your abdomen, pushing down and forcing your hips to remain against the table so that he could remain in complete control of the stimulation to your body.

Clenching relentlessly around his tongue, your body couldn’t tell if it was calming down from an orgasm or having another. The overwhelming sensation caused tears to well in your eyes as the apples of your cheeks burned with heat. Everything was too much; even the clothes covering your torso felt claustrophobic as your nipples ached to be free.

“Ah!” you babbled, unable to even say his name as more intense waves of pleasure rocked from your cunt as it pulsed around his tongue. The tears escaped down your cheeks as you tried to gasp for air, your body finally slumping in exhaustion against the table as Remus began to stand from where he’d been on his knees for you.

Each of your legs was carefully eased from his shoulders to dangle off the edge of the wooden surface, not that you could keep them up anyway, as your entire body felt as if it was made of jelly.

“Did so good for me, Love. Taste so fucking good, wanna try?” he asked from where he now looked down at you, hovering only inches away from your face as his fingers wiped away the evidence of the tears. You nod quickly, opening your eyes for a split second to see Remus’ dark eyes and swollen, wet lips before they were pressing against yours, his tongue pushing into your mouth and allowing you the vulgar opportunity to taste your own juices from his mouth.

“My pretty girl tastes so good”, he admired, staring down at you, memorising every flicker of emotions on your face. You mewled at the compliment, nuzzling your face pathetically into his palm as he cradled your face. “What do you want? I want to hear you say it”.

His tone indicated that he was teasing, which was a rare attribute for Remus as he usually just liked to do whatever he had in mind, but when he was like this, wishing to get the very most from you as his werewolf subconscious began to flicker through his thoughts.

“You, I want you. Please!” you stress whilst trying to look up at him, fingers trembling at your side with the need to touch him somehow.

The corners of Remus’ lips tilted up as he smiled down at you, “Have I ever told you how much I love to hear you beg?”

Before you could respond, you were gasping as coolness licked over your chest as he’d swiped his wand down the centre of your clothing until it was falling off of your shoulders, and your body could be free from the confines. His eyes lowered, focused on your pebbled nipples as they begged for him to be touched, but he didn’t rush to them.

Instead, Remus began the long journey of exploring the rest of your body with firm kisses and licking with the flat of his tongue. He paid special attention to your neck, as he always did this close to the full moon as his sharp teeth grazed over your pulse point, the animalistic side of his begging to bite down and mark his girl, but he restrained, knowing it would be painful for you. The last time he’d done so, he’d had a right bollocking off of James and Sirius, who prattled on about how you weren’t his chew toy, even though you had insisted that it was ok.

Moving lower, Remus worshipped your breasts. He was licking the skin around the areola before drawing your nipple and some breast tissue into his mouth, sucking with enough force that the area swelled with the rush of blood. The fire in your core intensified as you gained enough energy to lift your hands and grip his shirt.

“I need you, Remus, please stop teasing me”, you beg, but all that earned in response was an approved grunt.

“Relax, and just let me kiss you”, he sniped with desire as you wanted to sass back but found yourself melting into the table instead. Each inch of your stomach, hips, legs, arms, everywhere he could reach in this position, he praised with his mouth until he was once again hovering above your lips. “All I can think about is you”, he admitted, his tone caught between hunger and pain as his thoughts were becoming too clouded by the wolf’s desire to be close to you.

Your fingers combed through his hair as you tried to sound as calming as possible, “I know, Remus, it’s ok. I’m right here. Take me”.

A shiver ran down his spine as he finally began to unbuckle his trousers, freeing his cock between your bodies as he rested on his elbows on either side of your face so that his face could nuzzle into your neck.

You took the honours of reaching between your legs, grasping his impressively hard cock, admiring the soft skin and veins that bulged as you pulled him closer to where you needed him most.

“Tell me you’re mine”, he begged as you directed his tip to your soaked hole.

Tilting your head so that you could kiss his cheek, you implored, “I’m yours Remus - FUCK!”

All you could do was curse and cling to him as, with one powerful thrust, the majority of his cock stretched into your pussy. You could never take his entire length unless it were through anal play, but that didn’t stop him trying as the pressure became overwhelming as he nudged against your cervix.

Your thighs trembled once more as he gave you time to adjust, sighing blissfully against your neck as if he had finally found what it was that he was looking for. However, as your cunt frantically fluttered around Remus as you adjusted to the intrusion, Remus began to rut his hips in short, snapping thrusts slowly.

You groaned at the sensation and found your hips meeting his until all restraint was gone, and Remus was fucking you hard and fast.

Pushing up on his hands so that he was looking down at you, Remus fucked you hard. The table beneath you groaned just as loudly as you were as it rocked against the floor, and for a split second, you hoped it wouldn’t suddenly collapse beneath you two.

Remus suddenly moved as if hearing your thoughts, widening his stance as he stood to his full height, hands on your thighs and bringing your body to the very edge of the table. In this position, he could fuck you with quick snaps of his hips. Your back arched in this new position, pleasure pouring into your soul.

However, a noise over the sound of the fucking caught your attention as the fire flickered with green flames, and you couldn’t help but gasp, “Sirius!” as he stepped out of the fire, followed closely by James.

Remus, still with his head hunched slightly from where he was watching you intently, growled at the name used, his gaze hardening on you as he leaned back until you looked into each other's eyes. “Wrong name, Sweetheart”, he demanded lowly, fucking into you with as power as he could, causing you to cry out and tense with the pleasure. “I only want my name coming out of your mouth, do you understand?”

“Yes, Remus! I’m sorry!” you plead with him as he fucks you harder.

“There you go, Love. See, it wasn’t so difficult, was it?” As he talks, he lifts his hands and covers your eyes so you can no longer look at Sirius or James as you’re plunged into darkness.

“Don’t be too hard on her, Moony”, James teases from somewhere across the room as you hear him and Sirius shuffling around but are unable to see what they are doing.

Remus grunts but doesn’t stop with his motions, making sure that your next orgasm is just as overwhelming and powerful as the others as your cunt clung to him for dear life, attempting to milk his balls with the powerful clenches but he didn’t stop fucking you all the way through your orgasm.

Having his hand over your eyes was a disorientating position to be in, especially as he would every so often kiss your cheek or neck, savouring your soft skin before moving away so that his momentum could continue.

A hiss echoed across the room from wherever your other two boyfriends currently were, and as another whimper sounded from what you assumed was Sirius, Remus then decided it would be a good time to completely pull out of your pussy, leaving you gaping and empty.

Before you could moan, more disorientation flowed through you as his hand was removed from your face, and your body was being manhandled so that you were now being turned over on the table until your front was pressed against the wood. With a gentle kick to your ankle, Remus made room between your legs for himself and fucked into you. He was even deeper in this angle, which you didn’t think was possible as his chest pressed against your back.

His and didn’t return to your face, allowing you to look at your other lovers. Sirius was currently sitting on James’ lap, both of their fancy clothes more dishevelled from earlier as the bowtie and scarf were off and the top buttons were undone. They stared intently at you and Remus as they touched one another. James was kissing the column of Sirius’ neck whilst his hands groped at the bulge at the front of his trousers. At the same time, Sirius was grinding his hips down on James, who you assumed had a matching bulge that was rubbing against Sirius’ arse.

“You’re mine, Love. Aren’t you? My pretty girl”, Remus whispered with deep penetrations of his cock into your cunt.

“Yes! I’m yours, Remus! You’re so deep”, you proclaim with a cry as you find yourself already wanting to peak and cum over his thick dick again. However, Remus knew you just as well as you knew yourself and could feel the tightening of your soft walls and stopped all thrusting as you sobbed with the beautiful feeling washing away.

His hand eased beneath your face, holding your jaw and forcing your sight away from your boyfriend's until it was tilted to look over your shoulder at Remus. “You only get to cum after them”, he demands before nipping your ear love with a sharp tug of his teeth.

“Moony, you really are tense, aren’t you” Sirius jokes breathlessly as he moves more eagerly against James, whose hand is now fully inside of his boyfriend's trousers, wanking him off in time with the movements.

Thankfully it didn’t take them long to cum, Sirius first with his head thrown back and trousers staining a dark colour in a little puddle. James then rutted up into Sirius a few minutes later, groaning and stilling his movements. Both breathed each other in deeply, lazily kissing and holding onto one another until your sudden gasp echoed around the room as Remus continued with his fucking.

Your head moved to drop onto the table as you accepted the fucking, but Remus’ hand remained beneath, cushioning your face from the hardness of the wooden table as his lips moved to the junction between your throat and shoulder.

With each thrust, Remus repeatedly grunted the possessive word, “Mine!” until it was all you could think about. Your orgasm nearly caused you to pass out with its intensity. Juices streamed from your cunt, dripping down your thighs as waves of clenching pleasure constricted around Remus’ cock until he was forcing as much of himself as he could into you, and thick seed spurted into you. The warmth was welcomed as it soothed your pussy from the inside out as it began to trickle down your thighs, mixing with your own juices.

You were half aware of your movements, more concerned with the fact that you couldn’t control the tremble and sobs as Remus pressed himself harder over your back, making you feel grounded and safe.

“Shh. Slowly breathe in and out for me. That’s it. Slowly breathe for me again, keep going, well done”, Remus encouraged for some time as you’d been close to a panic attack with the overstimulation, close to tipping into the submissive headspace that would have taken them a lot longer to draw you out of.

“It’s just… a lot”, you say shakily, eyes closed and absorbing every warmth he was willing to give you”.

“I know, I’ve got you. I’ve always got you”, he reassured calmly.

You’re exhausted, ready to fall asleep right there on the kitchen table as you whisper, “I wanna go to sleep”.

Remus kissed your naked shoulder, “After we clean you up, ok, Love?”

As Remus begins to stand, his half-hard cock slipping out of your well-used hole with a slurp and shudder from both of you, did James finally step forward whilst readjusting his softening cock in his trousers.

Squatting down next to you, his fingers tentatively caressed your cheek while keeping an eye on Remus behind you to ensure the action wouldn’t trigger him somehow. “You alright there?” James asked softly.

“Mmhm. Just a little sleepy”, you say whilst closing your eyes at the ticklish touch on your face.

Sirius stepped forward from behind James, raising his wand and pointing it to the destroyed rest of the kitchen mess, “I’ll clean up here, you guys look after her, and I’ll join you in the bathroom”.

Remus had to carry you to the bathroom as liquid drips flooded out of you and marked the direction you had been giving Sirius more to clean up. As this house was altered for the four of you, the shower was wide enough to provide you with Remus and James plenty of room to wash together.

You attempted to stand up on your own but ended up leaning heavily on Remus as James washed the remnants of the fucking from your body was skilled, careful fingers.

“You know I didn’t mean to say the wrong name, right? I just didn’t expect to see them standing there and-” you begin to explain with Remus, worried he’d been upset by you saying Sirius’s name earlier.

However, his lips quickly cut you off with a simple peck, “I know”.

Kissing his cheek several times, you mumbled against his skin, “It’s hard to think of anything else when I’m around you. You’re all consuming, Remus”.

Against your lips, you feel the heat radiating off of him in a quick burst of rare embarrassment as he actually blushed at your words.

“She’s right, Moony. Without you, there is no us without you”, James quips in a rare statement of sincerity.

A cough from the bathroom door catches all your attention as Sirius casually leans against the door frame, cheeks round with roast potato as he joins in with the Remus praising. “There’s a reason why we all argue every night to see who gets to be spooned by the magnificent Remus Lupin”.

Three of you chuckled before you asked, “Are you eating my leftovers?”

“What?” he says with a shrug, stepping further into the room and beginning to take off his clothing at last. “The food was scarce at the party, and Moony’s roasties are always so fucking good”.

You nod in agreement before looking up at Remus once more, who looks quite proud of himself for the flow of compliments coming his way. However, as you attempted to lean up onto your tip toes again to kiss his handsome face in some way, your knees decided they were finished holding up your way as you nearly collapsed to the floor, only stopping because of his strong arms wrapping around your waist.

“As much as I appreciate this little pep talk, I think we need to get someone to bed”.

Remus lay in the centre of the bed, where he rightfully deserved to be tonight with you on top of him, face resting on his chest and legs on either side of his hips as each of your hands held his. Sirius and James joined later, deciding they needed some extra alone time in the shower together, as the dry humping hadn’t entirely filled that horny spot for either of them.

You were asleep by the time both men crept into bed, resting either side of you and Remus with arms spooning around your back as the three shared a kiss goodnight. “How was your night?” Remus asked, looking between James and Sirius. “You’re both sober, so I’m assuming no mischief?”

“Oh, Moony, like we need alcohol to cause a riot. Why do you think we’re back so early?” Sirius declares whilst flicking out the laugh and curling in closer to the warmth of bodies as Remus chuckles into the darkness.

[two-white-butterflies]

you're losing me (one)| ja. velaryon and am. targaryen

Description: Being a popular popstar is a tiresome job, it's a good thing that you have someone to go home to. Seven years together and he still hasn't proposed. In which, you realize that letting go is one of the smartest thing that'll lead you to each other. (Aemond needs a fake-girlfriend and he accidentally bumps into his nephew's ex-girlfriend [but he doesn't know that] so he invites her to a family reunion]) (slight angst) (will have a pt. 2) Rating: General Audiences Author's Note: not at all related to mom (taylor) and dad (joe), just taking inspo from the song 💗

"When are you getting married?" a late night host asks, leaving you laughing awkwardly.

You were a traditional woman in a sense - longing for marriage, a white picket fence, and children but Jace was different from that. He wanted to be a disruptor - an enigma for change. Marriage was never on the table with him.

"There's so much more to life than getting married." you lied, trying to convince yourself that it was what you wanted - that you didn't want to get married, but deep down - you did.

"I agree, but can you see yourself getting married in the future?" the man insinuates, holding the deck of questions on his right hand. The audience begins laughing at your awkward reaction. "Personally - I don't." you chuckle, you don't see yourself getting married because Jace didn't want to get married.

" - and if I did, I'm not telling you Jimmy." you add with a giggle, taking a long sip of the coffee beside you.

(your first name)

In a recent interview, a question was asked about something in my private life. I took a while to answer because I wasn't prepared to show people that part of my relationship yet. I just wanna say that when I'm interviewed, I wanna talk about my work, songs, etc.. the things that I've given my entire life for.

You placed your vintage bag loudly on the table - taking a mammoth stride towards your boyfriend who was in the process of writing his new book. You haven't spoken to each other in three-weeks, and he didn't even seem to be bothered by the distance. "I missed you." you hummed, burying your face on the crook of his neck. "I watched your interview," he answered, taking his hands off the laptop - placing them around your waist and pulling you to his lap.

"I was caught of guard honestly, my PR manager didn't warn me." you complain, trying to see if he was mad. Jace was the heir of a jewelry company. They came from old money, and he was very private with his life. There was an era in your relationship where you weren't allowed to say his name in public.

"It's fine babe - I hope they stop asking you about it though." he answers, pressing a soft kiss on the top of your head. "I mean, we haven't spoken to each other seriously about the topic." you point out, wanting to change his mind about marriage. It was wrong to force him into something - but you didn't want to force yourself into loving someone who might not love you enough.

"You've already articulated on my behalf. Marriage is for dummies, we have to do a thousand things like prenups, and planning the wedding." he rambled portraying those things like they were bad things, but to be honest - the thought of planning a wedding and choosing a wedding dress made your eyes sparkle.

Almost everyone dreams about their wedding day.

"I want to settle down." you reply with a sad face. He was working on his career - and he had no time to settle down. He was silent for a moment - thinking of a million things he'd reply to you. "I've already got my life handled - my career is flourishing, marriage and babies are the only thing left, Jace." you explain.

"What about me?" he questions, pointing at his laptop that had 30,000 words for his new series. "You can write while being married to me." you scoff, and something in his eyes shifted.

"I'm sorry - I don't think you're getting the point. I don't want to get married because everyone who gets married fight all the time." he pointed out, now raising his voice by a few decibels. The calmness that flooded his features were gone now - and he was fuming with rage. "We're not gonna be like your parents." you argue.

"How do you know that?" he interrogates, his grip around your thigh tightens. "How can you promise me your everlasting love? How can you promise me that you'll love me everyday?" he repeats, there was a storm hidden behind those honey irises. Your eyes soften as you began to realize that there wasn't love between you anymore.

"I can't promise all of that - but I promise to choose you everyday." you profess, but he refuses to believe you. "Babe, we're fighting all the time - I haven't seen you in a month. If we can't agree in this marriage thing, then maybe we should break up." his voice softens, tears brimming his eyes.

He still loved you - but he knew that it was going nowhere. He wanted a relationship that lasted and agreed with him. You were too different - too interesting. You take a deep breath, standing up and releasing yourself from his embrace.

He was expecting you to say 'no' like all the other times before. But you walk silently - grabbing your bag and heading for the door.

deuxmoi

(your name) is allegedly broken up with nepo-baby Jace Velaryon. (he's the son of model/heiress Rhaenyra Targ who was popular in the 90's and the hippie who made a cult, Laenor Velaryon)

archiebald22: omg why?? didn't she just have an interview a few weeks ago with jimmy fallon?

(a year later)

He was undressing you with his mere gaze. His name was Aemond, a popular businessman in Europe and Asia. He was handsome in person, with long blonde hair and a purple eye that glimmered in the moonlight. You shouldn't be horny just by staring at him - but you are, because he oozed with sex-appeal.

"Aemond Targaryen," he introduced himself with a smile, and you shake his hand. "(Your name)" you greet, smiling in return.

This could be something new.

He wasn't anything like you've had before.

"What are you doing in this small country?" you inquire, walking beside him on the small gardens of the hotel. It's been a while since you've stepped foot in America, everything about New York reminded you of your West Village. "I heard that a beautiful singer was going to be here," he teased, ignoring the paparazzis that were chasing you around. He's heard your name a few times - mostly because his niece was a big fan of you.

"I don't think Beyonce's here" you joke in return, earning a soft chuckle from the man. "I'm talking about you." he answered. He reaches for the calling card inside his wallet, "I'd like to take you out on dinner sometimes." he smiled, walking away - realizing that his business-partners were calling him.

ynandjaceworld: the day that music died...... its been a year guys.

129 comments 450 likes

chamalamabingbong: mom and dad didn't even have a proper picture together 😭💔

ynfanbase: i kinda feel bad because dad's books suck - queefburger: yeah bcuz they're non-fiction 🤬

" - you look like a/an (your nationality) singer." the waitress points out, and you resist the chuckle that wishes to come out of your mouth. "I get that a lot." you smile, and she nods - walking away. Aemond laughs, seeing that you looked like a deer caught on headlights.

"It must be hard being famous," he converses, twirling the pasta on his fork and bringing it to his mouth. You lick your lips - his food looked delicious, meanwhile - you were stuck with a salad. "I've been famous since the dawn of time - I can't remember living life without the cameras." you answer, piercing the lettuce with your fork.

All you could think about was that creamy carbonara he was eating. Why do men always have that instinct that lets them know if food is good? Damn, you wanted one of those. " You've been famous for so long, but you still owe the IRS $6 Million" he opened his mouth to speak, and the world began to still around you.

Shit.

"Hey, that's not cool." you complain with a pout, still continuing to eat the salad on your plate. It was the cheapest thing in the menu. "I'm not here to shame you about the money that's in your pockets, I need your help - and I think you're the only one that's willing to help me." he calmed you down.

"Here's the thing, my father is going to give his entire inheritance to the first person that gets married in our family. Of course me, my brother and my nephew are fighting for that spot - seeing that my oldest sister doesn't want any ties with us." he whispered. He pushes the carbonara to your side, seeming to realize that you wanted it.

"- and trust me, I can fake a wedding." he added, in a low tone.

"What do I get in return?" you inquire, with an ambitious nature.

"$10 Million - I know that you're good with money. You just lost all of it trying to help your con-artist father." he stated, and you nod.

"Okay, I can play your fiancee." you hum.

part two

my first time writing in this style.

@beaconofthehightower @casualheartadorable @glame @yentroucnagol

[wellthebardsdead]

Kaidan strikes me as the sort of guy to only own one pair of socks at a time. Like I get it, clothing’s expensive in skyrim when the most you get paid is like 100 gold with contracts that are few and far between on top of paying your way through inns, taverns for both accomodation but food as well and the man needs to buy arrows and get his Horker sandwiches, but he absolutely just keeps the same pair on in his boots long after they’ve got holes in them and they’re all crunchy and falling apart. Look me in the eye and tell me he bathes every day, because I promise you a man who can get his dingle berries frozen to a cart, kicked and head butted by a goat, frost bitten from chasing horkers, and god knows what else, does not care about hygiene enough to worry if he stinks.

Like I can just imagine when he joins marigolds team lol

———

Kaidan: *looking around the room marigold gave him in his house* ey, not bad, it’s pretty fancy in here.

Marigold: The clothes I bought you are in the chest of drawers.

Kaidan: eh? Clothes? Why’d you go and do that I don’t need new clothes. *opens the drawers seeing an array of ‘fancy’ clothing staring back at him*

Marigold: Yes. You do. Outside of your armour you only had those trousers I found you in and one wash in a stream was not enough to get rid of the smell of blood, piss and gods know what else.

Kaidan: I- what do you mean had?

Marigold: I burnt them. The ones in there are to replace them.

Kaidan: I?! You burnt them?! They were perfectly fine they only had one hole in em! And what do I need all these for?! *holds up several pairs of socks*

Marigold: A pair for every day and some spares.

Kaidan: A pair for?! I only need the one pair! They still work!

Marigold: They smell like a mammoths asshole and have developed an unknown fungal mutation that if left unattended could form sentience. You’re under my debt now and my roof. You wear clean clothes every day and put them in that hamper after bathing every evening.

Kaidan: EVERY EVENING?!!?

Marigold: Yes, just because you’re cute doesn’t mean you’re allowed to stink up my residence. *taps his cheek* and I prefer it when my men are clean~ *suddenly holds up a pair of tongs with Kaidans socks in them* now pardon me while I send these to oblivion.

[sortyourlifeoutmate]

Thag watched through what would have been thickened and reinforced safety glass had glass existed, but since glass didn’t exist was in fact just a hole between two caves. He watched, brow furrowed, as the other members of the project continued their work. He watched them delicately tapping their flint chisels against the boulder, watched them hitting it with scientifically-graded clubs, watched them apply and dis-apply coats of special mud and clay. All part of the process.

He was so intent on watching he did not hear the sound of approaching feet.

“Thag. Thag me need talk you,” said Rog. Thag did not turn to look at them.

“Important stage in experiment, Rog. You interrupt,” he said, holding up a hand to keep Rog at bay. But Rog could not be kept at bay. Rog had a chunk of stone with them, and a concerned look on their face.

“Am been running numbers. Not add up,” Rog said, handing Thag the chunk of stone. On it was daubed a handprint, and a small scene depicting the successful hunting of a heard of mammoths. Thag glowered at it a moment before angrily thrusting it back at Rog.

“Am not care what numbers say. We are this close to breakthrough,” he said, holding up both hands a little space apart. After a moment of consideration he brought them closer together.

“But if-“

“No but! If listen to but would not have fire, or leopard-print unitards. You are enemy of progress, Rog.”

Harsh words indeed.

(Both fire and leopard-print unitards had indeed revolutionised society, and neither had come without cost. The unitards in particular had had a very stressful development cycle.)

“Project could go big wrong!” Rog protested, waving their stone around emphatically. Thag, roused to fury, dashed it from their grasp with the back of his hand. The chunk flew through where the safety glass would have been and smacked one of those working in the lab on the head, knocking them over. Thag did not notice this.

“No! Project go big right! You see! Project WHEEL is future!” He shouted, but Rog was unbowed.

“Thag fool! Thag put team at risk!”

They were inches away from coming to blows when commotion from nearby caught their attention. They both glanced, and both were horrified by what they saw.

The boulder the project team had been working on was, somehow, on fire, as were at least half of those who had been working on it. They ran in little circles, grunting unhappily. Tiny, off-round chips of stone popped and whizzed from the boulder, shattering crude ceramic beakers and irritating anyone they struck. Then the boulder started rolling around the room, no mean feat given it was still mostly square.

Thinking fast, Rog grabbed the nearest club and ran in to start beating at the flames and those on fire. Thag was just too shocked by what he could see to do anything but stare, wide-eyed.

“We wrong to play God,” he breathed.

(For the sake of the joke I did away with beakers and blowtorches, somewhat undercutting the original premise. Eh.)

Cavemen adorned in white coats & safety goggles working diligently with welding gear and beakers on PROJECT: WHEEL

[ohthehypocrisy]

Cofagrigus for Pokemon Unite!

Season 1

Season 2

Season 3

Prev: Iron Valiant - Primarina - Garganacl - Passimian - Incineroar

Ah, Ancient Egypt, a lost civilization that buried its kings in papyrus and stone, along with its secrets. There's so much we don't know about what life was like in that particular era, and a lot of it has to do with time. If you were to measure the history of the planet Earth in distance, the Egyptians would be closer to actual dinosaurs than they were to the invention of the telephone. There were living Woolly Mammoths still on the planet while the pyramids were being built!

But all is lost to time, and all they have left to defend their secrets is dust and sand. Too bad they don't have a pokemon like Cofagrigus around to defend their tombs and share their stories. But it is here on Aeos Island now, so let's take a look at its deepest, darkest coffers, shall we?

-

Now, I don't know what it is about being a Ghost Type and having a typically low HP stat, but Cofagrigus is supposed to be a mummy, so it has that excuse, at least. Thankfully, it does have incredibly high defensive stats thanks to living in a coffer made of gold. And an average Sp. Attack makes it pretty threatening, which helps it fight back instead of taking hits all day. It is very much on the slow side though, but, again, it's supposed to be a mummy, and that's a flaw we can work around to give some defensive power in Pokemon Unite. As such, I designate Cofagrigus in the role of a...

Defender

-

Basic Attack - Melee/Sp. Attack

Becomes a boosted attack after two hits. The boosted attack has the user strike with all of their arms and deals more damage the higher the Mummy counter is on the target, piercing Shields. When the pokemon evolves, the number of hits per boosted attack is doubled. 

The boosted attack deals additional damage proportional to the Mummy Counter on opposing pokemon. Piercing Damage is dealt if the opposing pokemon has any Mummy Counters on it.

The boosted attack deals two hits, one for each arm of Yamask. When Yamask evolves, the boosted attack doubles to four hits.

There was this new slang that came out some time ago, and it's one that made me feel my age. It was 'throwing hands' which, if I understand correctly, means to start flailing with your fists at a provocation. Now, to be clear, when I imply that I'm getting too old to understand new lingo, it's not that I can't understand it, but rather I complain about too many slang terms coming out all at once, and I feel ire at the youngin's saying whatever they want and calling it 'the hip new thing to say'.

...my back hurts.

I'm digressing, all pokemon in Unite are more than willing to 'throw hands' but none are better inclined to do so than Cofagrigus, who is probably made of the shadowy stuff. I say probably, because if you were to open its sarcophagus, more of those shadow hands pop out, and I think there isn't an actual body in there. My condolences to the first guy who opened it to make sure.

As a basic attack, it's pretty solid, as the boosted attack deals damage multiple times in quick succession for each arm you've got. For Yamask, it's two hands, but for Cofagrigus, it's four, even though it definitely has more hiding within its body somewhere.

It gets stronger when it deals damage to opponents with a Mummy counter on it, but what the heck even is a Mummy Counter? We'll have to go over its Ability for that.

-

Ability: Mummy

When the user is damaged by a pokemon on the opposing team, a Mummy Counter is placed on the attacker. As the user receives attacks, the counter increases. When the user is KO’d, it starts haunting the opposing pokemon that KO’d it for as long as the respawn timer is counting down. Certain effects can be triggered only once while this ability is active. If an enemy affected by Mummy is KO’d by your teammates, your remaining respawn time is halved.

For each singular hit of damage, a Mummy Counter is placed on the attacker. The Mummy Counter maxes out to 30 on each opposing pokemon.

The user will begin to haunt the opposing pokemon that KO'd it by possessing their shadow. While possessing the shadow, you can use one of your moves once while respawning. The move will have a different variation that is only available while possessing the enemy. In addition, the respawn screen will be different for the player, with the Respawn Timer ticking away in one corner, and the KO information popping up on the other side when the X button is pressed.

You can only use one move while possessing an opposing pokemon. The effects of the move end as soon as you respawn.

Your remaining respawn time is halved if the possessed opposing pokemon is KO'd by your teammates.

Damage dealt to opposing pokemon with your Mummy moves will show up on the KO credit screen as caused by your Ability.

The Mummy Counter on all opposing pokemon is reset when the user Respawns.

Abilities with a counter effect are either good or very bad, and that usually depends on what pokemon they're assigned to. For example, Pikachu can Stun nearby enemies with Static, but you're better off never activating the ability since that means you're losing HP, which Pikachu doesn't have a lot of. Now, a Defender with a counter ability is something to behold, and the top Defenders in Unite have such an ability, like Goodra and Slowbro.

Cofagrigus is no exception. When it eats a hit, the enemy that dealt the attack will be assigned a Mummy Counter. It could be a harsh blow or a feather tap, a hit is still a hit, and Cofagrigus will want vengeance. Of course, there is a limit to how many Mummy Counters an enemy can get, but some are better at landing multiple hits than others, so the match-ups will speak for themselves.

However, the Mummy Counters don't do anything by themselves, and the Ability needs to be activated through getting hit or, as a last resort, your untimely demise. See, Cofagrigus and its contemporaries have spent eons protecting their burial sites, so they'll let the secrets go when they're cold and dead in the ground. At least, they would, if they weren't already beyond this mortal coil. Not even banishment to the afterlife will stop Cofagrigus from defending that which it holds dear, so naturally its Mummy Ability manifest as a haunting when it is KO'd.

Before we break it down even further, there is the fine print we have to read carefully. The ability will inflict Mummy Counters on all opposing pokemon that attacked it, but it will only haunt the enemy that KO'd it. It's not possible to KO Cofagrigus without accruing some amount of Mummy Counters, but the higher the counter, the better your revenge, so it will be rather cold when served to the foe who stole the last hit.

In that case, you'd have to rely on your teammates to pick up your slack. If the enemy who KO'd you gets KO'd in return by an ally, your remaining respawn time is halved. That's great for you because it means you can come back sooner than later, but it might be hard for your teammates to pull off. Like say, the enemy who got the KO is overleveled and trying to get revenge on said enemy would jeopardize the whole game, or they're too fast to reliably catch up to without seriously endangering the team. It's gonna be up to you on when and where you'll activate your Mummy effects to finish the job from beyond the grave.

As to what those effects are, we're getting to that. Time to go over your moves.

-

At the beginning of the game, Cofagrigus will start out as Yamask. You can choose between Night Shade and Will-O-Wisp as your first move. By Level 3, you’ll have learned both.

-

Move 1: Night Shade (Area)

Projects a shadowy figure resembling the user at the designated area. The duplicate can intercept attacks and activates Mummy when attacked. Afterwards, the shadow explodes, dealing damage to all enemies in range. 9s cooldown.

Mummy: Projects a shadowy figure above the opposing pokemon, crashing down and exploding shortly afterwards. The higher the Mummy counter, the more damage dealt.

Night Shade creates a shadow copy of the user at the designated area. The copy has no HP, but can be targeted by attacks and will trigger Mummy each time it receives an attack.

The Night Shade copy lingers for four seconds before exploding in a ghostly haze, damaging enemies nearby.

The Mummy variation summons a ghostly face similar to Yamask's possessed mask and has it float over the possessed opposing pokemon. After 3 seconds, the face crashes down and explodes in ghostly energy, damaging the possessed opposing pokemon and all nearby enemies. The attack stalls in the air for half a second before crashing down, making it possible for opposing pokemon to dash out of the way to evade damage.

Night Shade is described as harming the opponent with a ghostly apparition, and none is more terrifying than the image of a face you could've sworn wasn't there before.

While Night Shade produces a shadow copy to distract the enemy, it doesn't really do anything outside of exploding. Yes, it can take hits and each hit of damage it receives can activate Mummy, but the enemy will not be so easily fooled and can just as well work around the distraction.

It's better to be used as a threatening bomb, as the shadow copy does deal decent damage when it explodes. If you're threatened with a KO, there's no harm in throwing Night Shade out, since some early moves can damage multiple enemies at once, like Espeon's Swift or Bulbasaur's Razor Leaf. And because it is a viable target, it can body block some attacks, like Charmander's Flare Burst, though do watch out for the explosion area.

The Mummy version is harder to avoid. Remember that Mummy will have you haunt the enemy that KO'd you, so the fight with an opponent will not end at death. Once activated, Night Shade will drop down after 3 seconds and explode, and the higher the Mummy Counter, the more damage it'll deal. This attack can hurt nearby enemies as well, so if you see the opportunity, take it.

Though, in the interest of fairness, there is a slight delay before the attack drops down, making it possible for the enemy to jump out of the way of Night Shade when it falls. That might not be fair to you, but the onus is on the enemy to not expend their movement options until your respawn timer falls to 0. Keep an eye on your enemy while respawning, because if they're busy fighting your allies and they use up all of their evasive maneuvers, they'll have no escape from your lingering wrath.

If your ire is spread out amongst the enemy team, maybe it'll burn brightly through Will-O-Wisp instead.

-

Move 2: Will-O-wisp (Ranged)

Eerie flames surround the user, damaging nearby enemies. Afterwards, the flames shoot out, damaging nearby enemies marked by Mummy, dealing more damage the higher the counter. 7.5s cooldown.

Mummy: The attack surrounds the enemy, damaging all nearby opponents and slowly growing in size as the respawn timer counts down.

Will-O-Wisp summons three ghost fire wisps to surround the user, damaging nearby enemies. After four seconds, the wisps shoot out and target opposing pokemon marked by Mummy. The damage dealt is increased relative to the Mummy Counter.

The ghost wisps will not shoot out if no opposing pokemon with Mummy Counters are nearby. Will-O-Wisp will continue to linger for another two seconds until they disappear or a marked enemy appears within range.

If multiple enemies marked by Mummy are in range, Will-O-Wisp will cycle through the order of distance before looping back around, if applicable.

The Mummy variation summons three ghostly fire wisps to surround the possessed opposing pokemon. They won't shoot out to attack, but they will continue to increase in size, up to a certain amount, and damage other pokemon close by. This variation does not damage the possessed opposing pokemon.

Moves that have both offensive and defensive applications are one of the cornerstones of the Defender archetype. Since Cofagrigus and Yamask are Melee Attackers, it has to make do with some kind of protection that helps it out in battle. The ireful flames of the underworld burn brightly for the Defender of eternal rest.

But seriously, Will-O-Wisp is one of your better moves to use when engaging the enemy. Not only do they take up a lot of space around you, their ire makes them jump out at enemies afflicted with Mummy Counters. And since it is nearly impossible to engage Yamask without attaining Mummy Counters, the wispy flames are sure to hit their mark. It's just too bad that they're not all that damaging, but hey, that's the trade-off for an annoyingly well spaced attack.

The Mummy variation works a little differently in that it actually cannot damage the enemy you're haunting. Instead, the flames burn surrounding opposing pokemon, making them pose a danger to their teammates. If you were knocked out by a whole squad, you might find Night Shade to be underwhelming in your attempt to deal some revenge damage. If the enemy you're haunting likes to stick close to their allies, Will-O-Wisp may be the perfect opportunity to spread damage to their allies. Again, the damage may not be as grand as Night Shade, but Will-O-Wisp is instant, deals damage constantly, and compromises the enemy team's defensive line by attacking from within.

Unfortunately, you cannot use both Night Shade and Will-O-Wisp while haunting the enemy with Mummy. The Ability will only let you use one move as revenge, so you'll have to pay attention to the situation at hand after your passing. One other thing to keep in mind is that Mummy Will-O-Wisp does not use any Mummy Counters for extra damage. It's useful to use if you get popped by an enemy that stole the last hit and leaves you with very little Mummy Counters to work with, but you're gonna be missing out on potential damage going for Will-O-Wisp over Night Shade.

And eventually, you're gonna start falling behind in damage potential overall. It's time to level up your cursing game.

-

At Level 5, Yamask will evolve into Cofagrigus. At the same time, Night Shade will become either Hex or Shadow Ball.

-

Move 1a: Hex (Ranged)

Summons a shadow copy of the user that travels forward, intercepting attacks as it moves. The attack chases down the nearest enemy, counterattacking with a basic attack when damaged. The copy gets stronger as the move lingers, and each hit the copy takes activates Mummy. 10s cooldown.

Mummy: Casts a ghostly explosion all around the target, damaging them and any nearby enemies. For each Mummy counter, increases the damage dealt.

At Level 11, Hex becomes Hex+.

Increases the size of the shadow copy.

Hex sends out a shadow copy of the user to move forward at normal movement speed. The shadow copy has no HP, but can be targeted and attacked, activating Mummy for each hit of damage received.

The copy will chase down nearby enemies, prioritizing pokemon on the opposing team. Each time it is attacked, it counters with a basic attack.

Hex lingers for five seconds, increasing the damage it deals with its counterattack by 10% each second.

Hex+ makes the shadow copy bigger, increasing the size of its counterattack and makes it easier to intercept attacks.

The Mummy variation unleashes a ghostly explosion, dealing unavoidable damage to the possessed opposing pokemon and any nearby enemies. The damage dealt increases for each Mummy Counter.

Ghost Type Pokemon are all about their shadowy moves. Shadow Punch, Shadow Sneak, Shadow Force, shadow this, shadow that, shadow yada yada yada. If you're so good at manipulating shadows to form your attacks, why don't you just make a shadow clone of yourself and have it fight for you? And guess what, that's exactly what Cofagrigus did.

Hex sends out a shadowy effigy running forward, with a vendetta against the enemy team. It's like Night Shade in that it's a tangible target, can intercept attacks and be targeted, but this one can also fight back. Each time it gets hit, it claps back with its hands reaching outward, and that's on top of the Mummy Counters the enemy accrues. It's certainly big and imposing, but it doesn't really do much beyond that.

Because it prioritizes the enemy, it isn't all that useful for stealing the last hit off of Objective pokemon outside of a lucky shot, but frail pokemon are not gonna wanna be near this thing when it shows up. The Hex copy cannot be defeated, so nothing short of putting up actual barriers will stop its approach. This is your answer to long range Attackers like Cinderace and Decidueye, who have an easy time outmaneuvering Cofagrigus. They cannot however deal with an immortal shadow who will hunt them down for 5 seconds, so it makes ambushes against the enemy team much more manageable by throwing a distraction out towards them.

And even if they manage to put you down before you can make use of Hex and its ability to block attacks, the Mummy variation has one other nasty surprise. Whereas Night Shade needed a moment to set off its attack, Hex will set off a ghostly explosion immediately, dealing increased damage depending on how many Mummy Counters the haunted pokemon had.

Naturally, the base damage for this explosion is low, so if you want to have the last laugh, you'll need to amass a lot of Mummy Counters on your intended target before kicking the bucket. That's easier said than done, since the frail attackers can be KO'd easily, but the bulky All-Rounders can easily heal off the damage with their ability to self-sustain, like Buzzwole and Garchomp. And even if you aren't matched up against these titans, they usually have Supporters backing them up, which makes the whole Mummy thing difficult to capitalize on.

I mean, you also have a team to fall back on, so don't go off on your own to defend a Goal Zone. You'll find that the revenge effects of Mummy are a lot more impactful when you've got the team softening them up for you. And vice versa, if you weaken an enemy with Mummy attacks, they can finish off the enemy for you, finishing your fight for you and also halving your remaining respawn timer. All you gotta do is get in the way of their attacks, and that's very easy to do with a Hex clone sharing the body blocking duties with you.

But it might be a bit too passive once the enemy figures out that they don't actually need to attack the clone, or you. Thankfully, there's another way to build up Mummy Counters aggressively. And yes, it's another shadow move.

-

Move 1b: Shadow Ball (Area)

Creates an orb of shadows in the designated area for a short while. The orb deals damage repeatedly and intercepts attacks, adding Mummy counters to opposing pokemon it damages. The shadowy orb explodes at the end of the move. Up to 3 uses can be held in reserve. 8.5s cooldown.

Mummy: Summons shadow orbs in front of the enemy one after another, dealing damage continuously. The orbs expand slowly before exploding, dealing damage to all enemies in range. The higher their Mummy counter, the more damage dealt.

At Level 11, Shadow Ball becomes Shadow Ball+.

Extends the duration of the attack.

Shadow Ball lingers for 3.5 seconds, expanding in size before exploding. The move intercepts attacks and adds Mummy Counters continuously to enemies it damages. Shadow Ball+ extends the duration to 5 seconds.

The Mummy variation summons a slightly smaller Shadow Ball in front of the haunted enemy one after another, with a 1 second delay between each one. It does not fix to the target's position, and will linger in the area it was made in. Shadow Ball is made continuously in this matter until you respawn.

The Shadow Ball attacks made through Mummy linger for 2 seconds before expanding in size and then exploding in a wide area. This explosion deals more damage the higher the Mummy Counter of affected opposing pokemon.

By applying gravity to the formless shadow, Cofagrigus summons what is effectively a black hole at the designated area. While Hex operates as a more cohesive distraction effect, Shadow Ball is a more solid defensive attack that you can place anywhere. Unfortunately, that does mean it loses out against ranged Attackers, even though it can block hits just like Hex and Night Shade can, but that doesn't matter too much since Shadow Ball can be placed in a line to wall off attacks.

However, rather than accrue Mummy Counters through blocking the attacks, Shadow Ball applies the counters aggressively through damage. The move deals multiple hits in quick succession, so catching an enemy by surprise with one of these is a quick way to add 10 or so Mummy Counters. Place down multiple in a tight space, and you'll be maxing out Mummy Counters on all opposing pokemon caught in the attack.

Unfortunately, the aiming distance is very shallow, which forces Cofagrigus to get in very close if it wants to drop Shadow Ball directly onto an enemy. And while the move threatens a lot of damage and Mummy Counters, it doesn't stay for long, and the cooldown of the attack is rather high, so the defensive gambit will work only once, unless you space out each Shadow Ball a few seconds or so apart.

The Mummy version is particularly nefarious, it's the ghostly equivalent of stepping on a rake and hitting yourself with the handle. When activated, Shadow Ball spawns repeatedly directly in front of the haunted pokemon. And since most pokemon like to move about, they'll find themselves running directly into Shadow Ball as it is made repeatedly in front of their faces.

The damage potential is low, though, since it isn't as fast as Mummy Hex, and there are some pokemon who can either move backwards using certain tricks, like Decidueye or Greninja walking backwards while using Spirit Shackle or Water Shuriken, or can easily tank through the attacks, like other Defenders. Speedsters might even be able to move too quickly to be damaged by the Shadow Balls, though their teammates may not be so lucky if they move about indiscriminately.

Still, the upside to this move over Hex is how Mummy Shadow Ball will last for as long as you're respawning, so if you get cursed with a lengthy respawn timer, you'll be haunting the enemy for a while until you return. You'll be even better off if the enemy that KO'd you had accrued a high Mummy Counter, since that correlates to the damage Mummy Shadow Ball can deal.

...Cofagrigus would probably make for an amazing basketball player...

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At Level 8, Will-O-Wisp becomes either Shadow Claw or Curse.

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Move 2a: Shadow Claw (Melee)

The user’s hands turn into claws, reaching out and attacking all enemies in range. The higher the Mummy counter, the more damage this move deals. Has a high chance of dealing critical damage. If this move KO’s any enemy, the cooldown of this move is reset. 8s cooldown.

Mummy: Grabs and holds the enemy in place for a short while. The enemy is more susceptible to critical hits while held down. The higher the Mummy counter, the greater the critical hit chances are.

At Level 13, Shadow Claw becomes Shadow Claw+.

Expands the reach of the attack.

Shadow Claw attacks up to 4 enemies in a conical shape in front of the user. The damage the move deals scales higher the more Mummy Counters affected opposing pokemon have. The critical hit rate of this attack is 12%.

The Mummy variation of this attack summons shadow hands to reach out and bind the target in place. The haunted enemy will be Immobilized for 2 seconds, during which time the critical hit rate of received attacks increases by 6%, plus an extra 1% for each Mummy Counter.

The Mummy variation of Shadow Claw can interrupt and cancel Dash attacks.

Shadow Claw+ expands the area of the claw strikes by 25%

Remember what I said about Cofagrigus being predisposed to 'throwing hands'? Well, I wasn't exactly lying, but those naughty noodles that look like arms aren't actually hands. They're just a small part of Cofagrgius' body that is amorphous, like the undefined arms of a jellyfish in the deep dark. And to that end, they could be any other shape if Cofagrigus wanted to, like, say, the raking claws of shadow.

As such, while Shadow Claw is classified as a Melee attack, its range is deceptively large, since Cofagrigus can cast its shadowy arms out surprisingly far. And just like Shadow Claw, this move has a high critical hit chance, so frail pokemon will have to be cautious around you, especially if they've gotten some Mummy Counters on them.

But you do need Mummy Counters to get some actual damage out of this move. The base damage of Shadow Claw is pretty low, even with a high Critical Hit chance, which is why the move deals extra damage if the targeted enemy has any Mummy Counters on them. On that note, Level 8 has you learning both Shadow Claw and Curse, both of which deal increased damage relative to the amount of Mummy Counters on the enemy.

We're focusing on Shadow Claw first, but the point is you can start to take a more offensive approach to dealing counterattack damage through your Mummy Ability, starting at Level 8. And because of the great reach of Shadow Claw, you can catch just about any enemy in range with your long reaching claws.

Speaking of long reaching, the Mummy variation is even scarier. Once activated, Cofagrigus reaches its hands out from the shadows and holds the haunted enemy down with multiple shadowy hands. Yeah, the whole 'haunting' bit is taken literally with Cofagrigus, as it is always under their shadow, waiting for the chance to strike. Not only does Shadow Claw immobilize the enemy in this way, it also drastically increases their susceptibility to critical hits. Basically, the higher the Mummy Counter, the more likely the enemy will take Critical Hits from damage from your allies.

If you manage to pull this off at the right place and at the right time, you'll leave the enemy sitting out in the open, vulnerable and prone to an easy KO. And remember, getting the enemy KO'd means your own respawn timer gets halved, so you'll want to pull off the Shadow Claw where the enemy will find themselves in the most trouble, like say, trying to retreat from a horde of vengeful allies.

However, I did say that the base damage of Shadow Claw is low, which is why it needs to hit enemies with high Mummy Counters to get any mileage out of it. There's nothing wrong with that, but it means you can't really start a fight with Shadow Claw and expect a big return. No, Shadow Claw needs to be used late into a fight, or else you'll have to wait 8 whole seconds for the move to come back online.

Curse is a bit more threatening right away, in contrast, to the enemies and to your HP.

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Move 2b: Curse (Ranged/Recovery)

The user summons dark fire that orbits around the pokemon, dealing damage to all nearby enemies. The user loses a percentage of its HP for each flame summoned. After a while, the flames shoot out and home in on opposing pokemon, exploding into flames on hit. The user restores HP for each hit of damage the flames deal. Damage dealt is increased against opposing pokemon with Mummy counters. Up to 3 uses can be held in reserve. 5s cooldown

Mummy: Summons three cursed flames that surround the target. When opposing pokemon are damaged by the cursed fire, affected pokemon will be surrounded by three flames. These flames burn for the duration of your respawn timer.

At Level 13, Curse becomes Curse+.

The cursed flames get a little bit bigger and expand out a bit more.

The cursed flames made by this attack orbit around the user for 5 seconds before flying out and attacking enemies, prioritizing pokemon on the opposing team.

Three cursed flames are made with each use. Each time the attack is used, the user loses 12% of its HP. When the flames fly out, the attack explodes in a small area, damaging pokemon nearby. Each opposing pokemon hit restores the user's HP by 1%. The attack prioritizes opposing pokemon on the enemy team.

Damage dealt to opposing pokemon is increased by 1% for each Mummy Counter on the enemy.

The Mummy variation summons three cursed flames to surround the haunted enemy. The flames cannot hurt the haunted enemy due to their distance, but the attack will replicate itself onto another enemy if the flames deal damage to them. The flames will burn for the duration of your respawn timer.

Curse+ increases the size of the flames a little bit and sets them out slightly further.

Remember when Curse used to be a Typeless Attack? What was up with that anyway? And why does the move have two different effects depending on what Type is using the move? Well, whatever, Curse turns the grudge of life into an infernal attack that not only protects Cofagrigus, but will also seek out nearby targets when the attack ends.

Each time you use Curse, you lose a lot of HP, which, side note, I think is not very good game design when you're putting such an attack on a Defender. I mean, I understand the synergy of the move when Trevenant uses it with Pain Split and Horn Leech, but by itself, the losing HP effect does nothing for you and should factor in to the Move's cost instead of compounding it.

That's why my version of Cofagrigus' Curse also doubles as an HP restoring attack. The lost HP can quickly turn into damage restored when the attack hits a lot while it's out, and while it is only 1% of your HP restored for each hit, 12 hits breaks even with the HP spent to use this move. Not only that, you can use Curse 3 times to summon more flames, though each use will cost you HP each time. Not to worry, as the choice is yours as to when you want to make more of those flames.

Curse is at its strongest when you're meddling with Melee Attackers, though ranged Attackers also have to worry about being within range for when the flames shoot out. Naturally, they will try to stall your approach with hindrances, but each hit received activates Mummy, powering up Curse, which is more than a fair trade for a Defender. Now, remember that the cap on Mummy Counters on any given pokemon is 30, meaning Curse will deal at most an extra 30% damage to enemies. This actually makes Curse very well suited to long, drawn out fights, as the move heals as it deals damage, gets stronger the more Mummy Counters the enemy gets, and you can space out each use of Curse over a couple of seconds to work around the cooldown and HP cost of the attack.

But just like Shadow Claw, Curse has low base damage, hence why the Mummy Counter damage multiplier is there. Some Defenders or bulky All-Rounders could tank the damage up close, but the more distant ranged Attackers will be the most threatening, even with the fire shooting out when the move ends. Also, you are losing 12% of your HP each time you use Curse, so the enemy only needs to disengage and wait for the attack to end. The move will only heal you when the fire deals damage, and it's not a lot of healing, so spamming the attack thoughtlessly leaves you with minus 36% HP plus very little gain.

The Mummy version is a bit better in exchange for, you know, kicking the bucket. It gives the enemy those three flames, but they're spaced too far out to damage the haunted enemy. Instead, if the fire touches another enemy, the attack will spread onto them, and that's when the move can damage the haunted enemy. These fiery flashes will continue to spread to other enemies hit, turning close clusters of combatants into heated hotspots of hello-how-you-doing. And, not only that, the flames will burn on for as long as you're respawning.

That sounds like a pretty good deal, but the inner workings of the respawn mechanic work against the Move. You ever notice how the respawn timer is shorter during the first few minutes of the game compared to the last few seconds? That has nothing to do with the game timer, but rather your Level. If you're under leveled and you lose the fight against an opponent that's, like, 3 Levels higher than you, you'll mercifully be hit with a relatively short respawn timer. That works well for you for when you have to get back to the fight as soon as possible, unless you're relying on a lengthy gimmick like Mummy. The Ability gets worse the less Levels you have, and Defenders have a hard time keeping up with the Level curve if they're too busy defending to make time to farm EXP.

Ironically, Cofagrigus won't get to use its Mummy Ability often if it is over leveled and winning all engagements with the opposing team. It's better to be crushing it with your base toolkit rather than relying on the Mummy Ability crutch. But being agonizingly far behind in EXP will also drastically cut into your Mummy Respawn Timer. If you really want to take a walk on the other side, take your defending duties seriously. Defenders better serve their team risking their livelihood in the line of fire rather than from the backrow, and if you bite it, you'll at least have one more trick up your sleeve with Mummy, which is more than can be said of other Defenders.

If Cofagrigus wore a shirt, it would need so many sleeves... So many tricks it could hide in there...

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Unite Move: Sarcophagus Sacrifice (Debuff)

The user opens its coffin and unleashes a swarm of shadow hands from within its body. These hands reach out to grab all opposing pokemon within range and begin draining them of their HP. If an opposing pokemon's HP falls below 10%, they are dragged into the coffin and instantly KO'd. The Mummy version of this attack sends shadows hands out to all nearby pokemon on the opposing team, reducing their Movement Speed and draining their HP, hastening the user's respawn timer. The more Mummy counters on all affected pokemon, the greater the Movement Speed reduction debuff. 110s Cooldown.

Sarcophagus Sacrifice makes Cofagrigus open up its casket and send shadow hands to reach out and grab all enemies within range. For 5 seconds, all affected enemies will have their HP drained. Cofagrigus is immobile while the attack is being used.

If an enemy's HP falls below 10% during this attack, they are dragged into the casket and instantly KO'd. The attack ends immediately afterwards.

The Mummy variation turns the haunted enemy's shadow into long reaching shadow hands which reach out and grab all other enemies within range. Affected pokemon will have their HP drained at a lower rate but their Movement Speed will be reduced by 10%. Your Respawn Timer speeds up by +25% for each affected enemy while this effect is taking place.

In both versions of Sarcophagus Sacrifice, each Mummy Counter reduces the Movement Speed of affected pokemon by an additional 1%.

I kept alluding to Cofagrigus body being formless and amorphous, and this is why. You open up its coffin, and you'll get pulled inside by hundreds of shadow hands. I mean, even if you don't know what a Cofagrigus is, you should know better than to open a sarcophagus without sacrificing something.

Your Unite Move, Sarcophagus Sacrifice, is Cofagrigus' ultimate secret keeper. The mysteries of the past are guarded by the dead, and to unearth these is to invite damnation. Cofagrigus knows this better than anyone, so to keep safe the present, the past, and its truths, all must be buried in shadow.

In a wide area, the shadow hands reach out to grab and hold down all opposing pokemon and starts to drain their HP. It can be used from very far away, and the shadow hands do not break no matter how far away the target moves. It's a bit of a tradeoff since Cofagrigus becomes immobile in order to use this attack, but because you're draining HP and restoring your own, it's very hard for the enemy to burst you down to KO.

The attack has two additional effects. One is that it slows down the enemy relative to the amount of Mummy Counters they have, which continues to stack up if the enemy fights back. It's a menial multiplier, maxing out to 30% Movement Speed reduction, so it's best to use this when the enemy has already accrued some Counters through Shadow Ball or Hex.

The other, more controversial, effect is that it will instantly KO an enemy who falls into range of low HP. I say controversial because of how contentious Sarcophagus Sacrifice can be. Firstly, if one of the grabbed enemies loses enough HP to fall below 10%, they'll be pulled into Cofagrigus' coffin and will be instantly KO'd. That sounds simple enough, so what's the contention here? Well, if you get that instant KO, the Unite Move ends, and in a game full of squishy Attackers, you'll quickly see how this can hamper your plan of attack or your recovery efforts.

All it takes is one lucky shot to hit a frail Attacker that's getting drained by this move in order to cut the Unite Move short. You could coordinate with your team to prioritize the bulky Defenders and All-Rounders, who have an annoying habit of evading KO's by the skin of their teeth, but ask any Sableye main how that works out for them with their own Unite Move. Don't get me started on getting this just right with random teammates, you'd have better luck keeping a team of squishies alive while playing as Comfey.

It's better to hit with this Unite Move a few seconds into the middle of a team fight, since the enemy will have gained some Mummy Counters from fending you off and that most of the frail Attackers are backing off or staying in the back row to avoid getting KO'd. And remember, you can aim this move, as the hands will only reach out to grab what they can see when the sarcophagus opens. Sure, it leaves you vulnerable against enemies who are spaced out, but if you can nab the Defenders and All-Rounders causing problems for your team, your team can deal with them more easily.

Speaking of nabbing, this Unite Move also has a Mummy Variation, but it lacks the insta-kill effect. What it does have is a more powerful Movement Speed reduction debuff and an accelerated respawn timer. The damage dealt is reduced because there's no HP to restore, but that's what your teammates are for, to pick up the slack. Wiping out the enemy team also becomes easier for your allies because each grabbed enemy gets a 10% Movement Speed reduction debuff, plus an extra 1% for each Mummy Counter they have, maxing out to an extra 30%, of course.

Also, the accelerated respawn timer is contingent on if you've got more than 1 opposing pokemon in range. It's 25% faster for each enemy you've got, equaling 100% if you've got the whole enemy team in range, which totals out to a 2x faster respawn timer. If you were over leveled and you bit the dust from a lucky shot, you'll want to grab as many enemies as possible with the Mummy version of Sarcophagus Sacrifice, as a full team grab will bring the timer down from 40 seconds to 20 seconds. Alternatively, sabotaging the enemy with other Mummy moves in order to get them KO'd will also reduce your timer in half, so keep an eye out for which situation is optimal for you.

The older the ghost, the stronger the curse.

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Achievements

Reduce your Respawn Timer by a total of 60 seconds in a single match with Mummy.

The Mummy Ability can do many things. It keeps a tally of all enemies you've and how many times they hit you, which end up affecting how effective your moves will be against them. It also doubles as a revenge mechanic, where if you get KO'd, you get one last ghostly shot in, with the intention of sabotaging them from the afterlife.

But most importantly, it halves your remaining respawn timer if your ghoulish trick ends up getting the haunted enemy KO'd by your team. To that end, this Achievement is meant to teach you how to capitalize on a bad match-up by relying on not only your Ability, but your teammates as well. Since death is not the end for a pokemon like Cofagrigus, the fight will still continue after your passing, so pay attention to the aftermath of your defeat.

Firstly, most of your Mummy moves can deal damage to the enemy, so all you need to do is to accrue a high Mummy Counter, right? Well, no. I mean, if there were no cap on the Mummy Counter, you could KO a bulky Defender or All-Rounder with a fully powered Hex or Curse, but that would defeat the purpose of playing with allies, and it wouldn't be fair to the other team anyway. Besides, this Achievement is about reducing your Respawn timer, not getting KO's from beyond the grave.

Think of it like this, in a team with open mics, teammates are always relaying information to each other. They give the play by play on how each of their fights are going, whether they're winning or losing. And if they lose, they'll air out their grief, but they'll still pay attention to what their opponent is doing if they can help it. You may not play with open mics, but the same principle applies here. When you get KO'd with a high Mummy Counter, pay attention to what happens next.

If the opponent is about to go into hiding, reveal their location with Mummy Shadow Ball or Mummy Curse. If they're trying to continue their KO streak or trying to retreat, slow them down with Mummy Shadow Claw. If they're fully backed up by their own allies, displace them with Mummy Curse. If they're at low HP or are nearby some of their allies with low HP, set off a Mummy Hex for a cheap KO. And lastly, if you bite it during a team fight, and your team is at a disadvantage, even the playing field with Sarcophagus Sacrifice to slow down the entire enemy team.

This Achievement is also reliant on a high Respawn Timer, which is also tricky to manage. I've already explained it before but just to reiterate, getting KO'd at low Levels means you'll have a very low cooldown to work with. Conversely, getting KO'd at high Levels means you've got a long Respawn Timer to work with, so halving it by orchestrating a KO is gonna be really important here.

Ironically, optimal defense would be all about not dying. If you can go a whole game without biting it, then your defensive capabilities may have been overqualified here. Not to worry, surely you'll have more opportunities to utilize Mummy with Pokemon Unite's perfect matchmaking system.

Surely...

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Holowear

So, remember what I said about Cofagrigus having a ghostly body that's just more shadow hands? I also said it was amorphous and undefined, as its sarcophagus body is host to some kind of shadowy void, where it is filled with, you guessed it, more shadow hands. Unfortunately, those hands seem to shuffle in and out of its body, so mapping holowear onto those ghostly limbs aren't going to work for us.

Not to worry, as the sarcophagus is physical and there's plenty of space to work with. Like building a parade float, we can decorate all around it. Firstly, Fashionable Style Holowear gives Cofagrigus a snazzy hat and a suit to wear on its coffin body. Then, Flapper Style Holowear ups the appeal by decorating it in large feather accessories, resembling a parade dancer of sorts. Wanderer Style Holowear gives Cofagrigus a big tattered sash to wrap its head and neck with, though I hesitate to define where on the sarcophagus those areas are supposed to be. A more dapper showing is available on Magical Style Holowear, which gives the ghost a top hat, a sparkly vest, and a short but fabulous cape hanging off the back. Finally, Spooky Style Holowear sees Cofagrigus wrapped up in skinny bandages, a jack-o-lantern stuck to its feet and the top stem pinned on its head, along with toy scarabs plastered on its body.

And just so we're clear on something, the Holowear temporarily unloads during your Unite Move, Sarcophagus Sacrifice, since the Holowear model only works for Cofagrigus when the coffin is closed.

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Strategy

Because of the way Mummy lets you get one more hit on your opponent after getting KO'd, you might think it's a broken and difficult Ability to counter. The ugly truth about Mummy is how it is the worst Ability a Defender can have, while also being the best, depending on how serious you take your defending responsibilities.

Firstly, it requires you to get hit by the enemy to have any effect at all in the first place. It doesn't do anything else for you passively, so your EXP grinding experience may suffer if you're by yourself or you don't use items like X Attack or Fluffy Tail. And once you do engage the opposing enemy team, how well you fend them off will depend on the Level difference. If you are behind in EXP, your Respawn Timer will be low, weakening the effectiveness of your Mummy revenge.

Remember that the whole point of being a Defender is to defend, but you aren't helping anyone if you don't take care of yourself first. If you try to take hits all day without retreating or optimizing your positioning, you'll achieve very little and will most likely get KO'd, leaving your team without a Defender until you respawn. And while you get one Mummy trick per respawn, it won't do much for you or the team if you were KO'd out and away from your allies, who won't be able to capitalize on the opening you make.

You ever enter a game with random players who all pick either an Attacker or a Speedster, and then proceed to ping out 'Defender needed!' over and over again? These are the kind of teams that desperately need a solid Defender like Cofagrigus, but Cofagrigus also needs a solid team to defend in the first place. You know, players with good awareness that know that you still have one more shot with Mummy after biting it. They'll help you out just as much as you would help them with your Mummy antics.

For the rest of this post, we'll be discussing the potential power of Cofagrigus under optimal conditions, since a lot can go wrong for you as a Defender. It could be a bad team, an EXP deficiency, getting matched up against players who are way too good or happen to be playing together. I mean, it saves me the trouble of reiterating over and over again how this is all the 'best case scenario'.

Ahem. Starting off, after splitting the EXP among the Wild Pokemon in the Top or Bottom Lane, the game truly begins when you confront the opposing team in the middle of the map. By this time, you'll have learned both Night Shade and Will-O-Wisp, so it's time to play nuisance. As you are accruing Mummy Counters by receiving damage, you are also losing HP, so be careful not to overextend your stay and retreat to the Goal Zone when things get dicey. This is what Night Shade is for, as it creates a physical clone of you that can not only intercept attacks, but will also accrue Mummy Counters on the enemy team as it receives hits.

When you see the enemy has amassed a lot of Mummy Counters, this is when you use Will-O-Wisp. After a short fire dance, the wisps shoot out to attack the enemies that have any amount of Mummy Counters on them. Now, there's only 3 flaming wisps, so you can't hit the entire enemy team at once with this one move, though if that were to happen, you've got bigger things to worry about. Just make sure that you've got the enemy with the most Mummy Counters within range of this attack, since the higher the counter, the more damage the wisps deal.

If you do still end up giving up the ghost after all of your defending efforts, don't fret as the fight still isn't over. It's not even halfway into the match, so the Respawn Timer will be very short, but this is when you have to be astute. You won't have a lot of time to analyze the situation and fire off a Mummy attack from beyond the grave, but it costs you nothing to use a Move while respawning. If you are hit with a very short timer, Mummy Will-O-Wisp is your fastest attack, though it deals no damage to the haunted enemy. If you see that you have an extra second or so, Night Shade can threaten big damage, but it's easy to avoid with Dash moves. It's like a free lottery ticket, you aren't likely to win big, but you might as well give it a shot.

Once you reach Level 5, you evolve from Yamask to Cofagrigus, and your moves evolve too. Now you have to pick between Hex and Shadow Ball. Before, with Night Shade, you could run interference by sending out a shadow clone to block a few hits. You can still do that with Hex, but the defensive power of Shadow Ball is not to be overlooked. Hex will chase down enemies and intercept attacks, which makes it favorable against ranged Attackers, but Shadow Ball not only deals damage repeatedly in the area it is placed in, it also builds up Mummy Counters offensively through damage.

It would be easy to say that Hex is better against ranged Attackers and Shadow Ball threatens physical attackers, but the reverse may also be true. See, Hex responds to all attacks with a counterattack, which tend to go crazy in the middle of a team fight. A lot of physical basic attacks have a large hitbox that can affect multiple pokemon, so Hex can wreak some havoc against quick hitters like Garchomp or Outrage Dragonite. And don't forget, Hex has no HP to lose and isn't affected by hindrances, so nothing will stop its counterattack potential.

As for Shadow Ball, it deals damage very quickly, so it can ward off melee attackers, but ranged Attackers are also usually frail, so they usually don't want to risk trying to Dash through the attack if you've closed a bottleneck with the move. Each use of Shadow Ball doesn't last very long, but they expand over time before exploding and can give some valuable space to the team by limiting where the opposing Attacker cannot stand in.

The other big choice you have to make is between Shadow Claw and Curse. Both of these attacks are strong, but they rely on a high Mummy Counter to multiply their base damage. Curse operates similarly to Will-O-Wisp, but it takes some of your HP when used, and the move has 3 uses kept in reserve. Not to worry, as the move restores your HP as it deals damage, but you have to be careful as to how this move is used. Sure, the attack can shoot out and hone in on opposing pokemon, but your HP is restored by 1% for each hit of damage Curse deals, meaning all of your recovery from this move comes from the close range effect before the flames fly out. And just like Will-O-Wisp, the move deals increased damage to enemies with high Mummy Counter, so the only thing you have to worry about against melee attackers is the high cooldown.

Shadow Claw, on the other set of hands, is a Melee attack with enough range to probably classify as an Area attack, but only 4 opposing pokemon will be targeted by the shadow hands. Just like with Curse, the damage output of Shadow Claw will come from the Mummy Counter, but to compensate for the limited number of targets you can hit, it has a higher Critical Hit Rate. Oh, I almost forgot to mention how the move will reset its own cooldown when it scores a KO, so if a fight drags on, you can use this move to target an enemy with high Mummy Counters for the extra damage, KO them, then use the attack once more on the rest of the enemy team.

Both moves have an interesting Mummy effect as well. Shadow Claw will summon shadow hands to hold the haunted enemy down, Immobilizing them for 2 seconds. Immobilize means to prevent them from moving and using Dash moves so if you happen to be haunting a weakened Speedster, a well timed Shadow Claw will spell their demise. It's only for 2 seconds, but Shadow Claw will also increase the likelihood of the bound enemy receiving a critical hit, so they're most likely not going to get away without taking mortal damage.

Curse, however, is just like Will-O-Wisp when used with Mummy, as it summons big flames that cannot hurt the haunted enemy. But if the flames touch and damage another enemy, the fire spreads to them, and each one can spread to a new enemy, distributing the damage to the whole team, including the haunted enemy. This is what you would use against a closely knit opposing team, full of Supporters and Defenders that like to stick close together.

But perhaps the most powerful Move you can muster is your Unite Move, Sarcophagus Sacrifice. It's a short lived attack, but when you use it, Cofagrigus reaches out to grab any and all enemies it can see and drains their HP. This HP drain makes up for your temporary immobility, as the damage dealt and HP restored make it very difficult for the enemy team to try and KO you. I mean, it's either that, or being forcefully dragged into the shadow realm. Should an enemy fall below 10% of their HP by this attack, Cofagrigus ends the Unite Move early to drag the poor victim into its sarcophagus, KO'ing them instantly.

I've already gone on and on about how coordination is key in order to instantly KO a high value target with your teammates, so instead I'll go over the most ideal situations to create with this move. Pokemon like Scizor and Goodra are easy to burst down, but they're not at all easy to KO, since they're very good at restoring all of that lost HP back right away. If they try to pull that stunt during Sarcophagus Sacrifice, it's game over as soon as the HP bar reaches the instant KO threshold. Also, since the bond of shadow hands cannot ever break, your teammates will know exactly where the enemy is if they retreat to attack from another angle. Although, the 5 seconds of Unite Move isn't a lot of time to work with...

Cofagrigus as a pokemon thrives with proper team support, but is also vulnerable to that same energy. I've already mentioned before that the enemy cannot KO Cofagrigus without gaining Mummy Counters, but they can still minimize the impact of your Mummy Ability through cheap tricks. For one, Burst Damage is an effective way of breaking down Cofagrigus, but if the attacks used deal multiple hits repeatedly, you'll get the last laugh with Mummy after biting the dust. But for Burst Attacks that come through as single hits, Cofagrigus will struggle to have its revenge, since Mummy tallies damage through number of hits, not through the amount of damage.

Right now, there aren't a lot of Burst Damage moves that take more than one hit, so if Cofagrigus were added into Pokemon Unite, it would have to watch out for the following pokemon. Dragonite running Hyper Beam will deal super high damage after fully charging up the move with Dragon Dance, a move that doesn't hit Cofagrigus, so that match-up will end poorly. Gengar will have to catch you off-guard with its Hex and Sludge Bomb combo, as Cofagrigus has lower Sp. Defense, but its Shadow Ball and Dream Eater combo are just as powerful and deal less hits overall. Likewise, Inteleon can hit for great damage if they land their Snipe Shot, especially during their Unite Move, Azure Spy Vision. These frail pokemon will have to watch out for the Mummy attack follow-up, but if these attacks are the last hit after their team softened up Cofagrigus, they'll have basically little to worry about HP wise.

There are also invulnerability effects that can be abused to evade your Mummy Attacks altogether, like Talonflame's Fly or Ceruledge's Phantom Force, or even the Shedinja Doll Battle Item. Granted, your Mummy Attacks are meant to be hard to avoid, but it's not impossible for the opposing team to escape the Mummy grudge with their HP intact. At least you can try to harm the enemy teammates with your Mummy tricks, but the attentive haunted players can simply keep their distance.

With all of this in mind, Cofagrigus' strength as a Defender does not come from its Mummy Ability as a crutch, but rather from its Mummy Ability in spirit. You're always going to threaten damage with Mummy, alive or dead, so your best play will always be to stay alive for as long as possible. The Mummy Counters do not go away until either you or the target get knocked out, so every single engagement is an investment until either one of you kicks the bucket. To that end, Cofagrigus matches up better against certain pokemon and team compositions over others, but it is still a solid Defender for when it really counts.

The secrets of the sand now belong to you, traveler.

-

And that's Cofagrigus for Pokemon Unite! Man, Gen 5 was such a fun time to be a Pokemon Fan, what with Black & White being soft reboots of the series and all the new and innovative things they did to enhance the player experience. I still miss the Dream World and hunting for Hidden Abilities, as well as the more mature story beats the game put you through.

Fun fact, I lost my DS while EV training a Jellicent, which had my collection of highly trained pokemon and shiny trophies, which forced me to retire from playing the games for a long while, so I have nostalgia for Gen 5, among the other previous games in no particular order. I wonder where I would be now if I never lost that game...

Listen to me prattle on like an old man. Give me a break, I'm older than the franchise itself, I'm allowed to reminisce. This is what I do for fun now, so thank you all for reading so far. The next post will come out in two weeks, back to regular scheduling. Here's a hint of what's to come.

Until next time, see ya.

[egyptroyal]

Rose returned back home. Rested, stomach wound healed thanks to Vin's Miss Lovett's bruise cream with nanogenes. They wouldn't say how she got the wounds when she asked or where or how long she was out. One minute she remembered sports news and the next she was"Welcome to Torchwood: Svalba—" Rose was cut off by the sight of her husband. Freshly shaved. And accompanied with familiar faces. "Well, hey there stranger."

He gave pause, really looking at her. As if looking for something. But, he didn't respond. Her smile falters a bit. He took a step to her but, she hadn't moved. His eyes was more worried than usual. A silence between the two for a moment.

"A demon, Rose?" The faint smile drops which was all he needed while holding her dimension hopper. Dangling it with two fingers.

"I d–" It wasn't the usual 'i don't know what you mean' excuse that was expected, rather it was more of genuine confusion. And a sinking feeling like something was wrong. Really wrong. She was going to say she didn't know any demons. Well, aside the one they casted out into a black hole.

And he knew there was a blockade of her mind. Something she couldn't see but, oh he could. He could see it all. He didn't need to touch her temples - no, far too old for that by now - to see the tampering of her mind.

Genuinely make her see what was never there, fight what was never there, speak words that were never her own, hear what was never truly said or spoken.

A manipulation of the most detailed kind that affected even the people around her upon sight, upon exposure. And she deserved to know. His wife deserved to know. They deserved to know.

All he needed to do was simply open the door to her.

"I'm sorry."

"I'm so sorry, Rose."

Her Doctor showed her the truth. Why her hands was aching, why her abdomen would ache, why her nose would drip a spot of blood, her jaw slightly ache. Yes, she was healed - nanogenes worked wonders but, the muscles can still ache as if the bruises were there and they were.

She wasn't stuck in a dimension, fighting words and hands to those that threatened her family's existence. Not being attacked by a large mammoth lackey that killed a now-unrecognisable friend. Not being pulled away by her father because this was an excavation mission gone wrong.

No.

Rose attacked her friends - no not just her friends, her new friends. Her friends she grew in comraderie with over sport matches and statistics and leagues. Laughed, booed with, cheered with. Not just her friends but their mother! While one friend was ill, attacked the other and her friend's mum. Before a funeral no less.

And she couldn't stop it. While her friend's husband - one of them - pulled her away to keep them apart. The words she spat, they weren't even her own thoughts let alone her voice. Not even her accent. An accent she lacked the monetary society to talk like that. Knuckles brutal. A rib or two broken - that remnant of the Bad Wolf entity could only do so much unless it chose to obliterate the two humans. Thankfully it hadn't.

She could even see the demon moving simultaneously with her - like watching a Tekken gameplay of the Devil Gene hovering behind her, mimicing her moving. Moving as one than simply marionetting her. When she talked, their lips spoke beside her ear. Practically pressed against her ear as if they were intimate when they never were. And her face hardly registered the hits, the damage the two women gave just outside an ailing friend's door. Rose could see him smiling, watching their eyes, watching their minds, feeding off on it, on them, on her friend as well. Fed off their doubt, distrust, anger, betrayal even.

And she could do nothing. And then Vin came in. As if he knew this would happen to any one of them. She could see the sigils hidden under psychic ink - sigils of the demon's angelic lover long dead and an familiar yet not familir script cover her mouth. While she was restrained, after all, she's tiny, she could see the demon be restrained by a large indigo hand. A faint figure of two wrapping around them. A light blob around the demon's throat and another - a head of blonde twisted curls - kissing the demon into silence while Vin pulled her inside his ship. Miss Lovett seemed to glowed like the sun - faintly pink while looking down at her now on the ground. Vin rushing out - what Rose hoped was tending to her friend's mum and best friend but, heard arguing and then him rushing past them both with her friend in his arms. His hand seemed to both not let her go yet move around the console as if he wasn't holding her at all.

Then, he was gone - a faint sound that Rose knew was a hospital but, it was quick. A snippet. But Miss Lovett stayed, gone for a second but was back as if she hadn't moved. Rose could see that Miss Lovett was looking past her - looking at the demon with such vitriol. And she knelt. And smelled up her and the demon's necks like she was savoring something. And then looked at the demon and spoke their language. The Tardis could only translate it to Latin for her.

Rose couldn't speak the language of the Dead. No mortal or immortal could.

There was a smile as she said it. His words to her when he killed her, what he whispered when he choked Miss Lovett out in 1988. Rose didn't dare try to remember them. Was this what Vin felt? When the Demon took over? No, he had a bigger brain space but, was this how he felt all the time? A tear fell off one corner of one of her eyes. The demon morphed into her - into Rose's visage and clothes. Then Miss Lovett kiss her forehead and everything went dark. But, Rose could feel again. She recognized hands but can feel the memory carved out like a scapel as the fake one took its' place so seamlessly. The pained numbed so deeply, it made morphine look like a band aid.

And then her Doctor pulled her out of the memory.

Rose hung her head in shame. In embarrassment but, also out of anger and sorrow. She had what? Glanced at the demon and spoke at it to acknowledge it was in the room like a lamp or a chair for what? Two seconds? Even worse, she forgot their name. She knew it was a flower. What flower eluded her. She wasn't going back. Maybe a small text reaction to a sports article but, that was tainted now. It tainted their thing. That one bit of solace.

"Jokes on me for making friends outside of work, huh?"

He shook his head, taking her hand. Her Doctor wanted to say it wasn't her fault. Being vulnerable in something she liked. Being excited, being involved, being attached. He saw she cared for those people - even at his anger for them not seeing what was wrong, too blinded by menial things to him - he saw she cared for them. And their menial things. Cared for them to be happy. For their Doctor and who was it? Vin? And their humans? To be happy.

He didn't say it. Instead, he pulled her into a hug. It released whatever grip it still had on her family, her coworkers, her genuine friends. Him watching them from below in the open office snapping out of the haze. One by two by six by many. They will come to her side later, but now? Her Doctor held his Rose.

There will be another time to deal with the demon. Now, is the time to lick one's wounds. Heal. Rest. Strategise.

[eucalyprhodes]

33

Last few hours of being 32!

It's almost my bed time but I wanted to reflect a little bit about 32.

32 was unexpectedly hard.

The primary theme of 32 was our TTC journey. By this time, we had only been trying for a year which I fully understand, is nothing compared to many others who had been TTC much longer than us. However, I feel that because of my age, not conceiving after a year gives more sense of urgency ... Meanwhile, lots of friends around us announcing their pregnancies, most didn't even need to struggle or wait, all of that were so apparent across social media and it serves as painful reminders that I am not capable of having what they have. I'd like to reiterate again that my situation in hindsight, is not that bad, however, the constant exposure to it on social media contributed to the feeling of comparison. Also, at this time, I still subscribe to the prosperity type of gospel "if I just have enough faith, God will give me what I want" so it was a struggle to pray about this every night. I questioned if my prayer was even right because deep down, I always knew that it's God's will, not mine.

As the year went by, God was gracious to change my heart and mind. He led us to a new church where we get to call home, one that is biblically sound and encourages me dig deeper into the Word. Slowly (and painfully if I may add), God transformed my heart into understanding His plan. I have now understood that becoming parents is a privilege, not a right. No one deserves a right to a child which means, we are to not have the mindset of "doing whatever it takes to conceive because we deeply long for a child". It is why we wholeheartedly chose to not pursue IUI or IVF because we don't want to take conception out of its natural environment as God designed it.

I now understand that even if God decides in all His perfect wisdom to not gives us children, that is all good because He knows what's best for us. I also understand especially as Christians, this is so painful to accept. Be fruitful and multiply is literally God's command to us. We are called to have children! This is a perfectly good and acceptable wish to have so why would God not give that to us?

Simple. Because our purpose in life is to glorify God, not to be a mother, not to be a wife, or anything else you can think of. Those are secondary. Our first calling as a Christian is to serve God. Now, if He decides to bless me with children, that purpose still remains because it doesn't matter what title we have, everything we do should always point back to glorifying God. When I got to this understanding, it was like unlocking a new level of freedom. I stopped tracking everything, I stopped obsessing about researching more information about fertility, and I slowly stopped becoming jealous of those friends who were blessed with children. Instead, I chose to be grateful for what He already blessed me with: a wonderful loving husband, a supportive family, great job with great colleagues and manager, and just the time spent with my loved ones. In late September, we went on a roadtrip to celebrate our anniversary and it awaken our sense of adventure once again. I realized that in the obsession of TTC, we have not done what we enjoyed the most: exploring the outdoors. In fact, we haven't done lots of things that we enjoyed because our thoughts were constantly revolved around TTC.

So, in December, to celebrate our 9th year bf/gf anniversary, we bought my dream car and we promised to take a trip on monthly basis (still working on this lol but we're getting better). We returned to Zion in January, and Bryce in April. We're planning camping trips to Bishop, Mammoth and Kings Canyon for summer AND we are finally planning to hike Big Pine lakes. We realized now that we'll never get this time back if and when we become parents so we want to use this time to really enjoy each other's company :)

It is true that I probably spent many days of 32 crying. My husband can testify to this and I am SO THANKFUL that he is able to handle that so well lol (it probably drive him crazy too at times). But it's also true that I spent even more days being in awe of what God is doing in my life. I am thankful that while TTC seemed to robed me of my joy (at first!), it also helped me pursue God deeper than I could've imagined. If I didn't experience it, my faith would've never grown. Sometimes, we have to experience the uncomfortable season so we can grow and be mature in our faith.

My prayer is that God continues to use me in this season to be a blessing to others, however that may look. 32, you were horribly GREAT. I loved being 32, I loved all the memories, and I can't wait to make new ones this year.

[donttalkaboutmemes]

Brother Bear (2003) Sentence Meme Pt 1

Under the cut you will find 50+ sentences from Brother Bear (2003) to use for your enjoyment!     

"This is a story from long ago, when the great mammoths still roamed our lands."

"When the three of us were young, we were taught the world is full of magic."

"The source of this magic is the ever changing lights that dance across the sky."

"The shaman woman of our village told us that these lights are the spirits of our ancestors and that they have the power to make changes in our world."

"Small things become big. Winter turns to spring. One thing always changes into another."

"The greatest change I ever saw was that of my brother, a boy who desperately wanted to be a man."

"Never try to milk a caribou."

"After today, he won't treat me like that anymore."

"It doesn't matter what the spirits say. You'll always be our baby brother."

"The quicker we get these fish, the faster we're going to get to your ceremony. So let's all just try to get alone for a few hours. Okay?"

"Are you excited about getting your spirit rock today?"

"I'll probably get, like, a saber-tooth tiger for bravery or strength or greatness. You know, something that fits me."

"Don't worry. No stupid bear is going to get anywhere near this fish."

"When each of us comes of age, the great spirits reveal to us a totem that helps guide us through our lives. Some of us use courage to guide us. Others, patience and some of us, beauty."

"I have been to the mountain where the lights touch the earth and the great spirits have revealed to me your totem."

"To become a man, your actions must be guided by one thing."

"Love is the most precious of totems. It reveals itself in unexpected ways."

"Let love guide your actions."

"One day you'll be a man and will place your mark next to those of our ancestors."

"Now when you skip around loving everybody, you'll smell so sweet."

"Well, isn't this nice! Instead of fighting, you're giving each other flowers."

"Just because his totem is wisdom doesn't mean he's wise. I mean, look at him."

"I guess the spirits messed up both of our totems."

"Now that I'm older, I know it's about being a leader and keeping an eye on you two."

"I just want to get my handprint on that wall."

"Just be patient. When you live by your totem, you will."

"A bear doesn't love anyone. They don't think. They don't feel."

"I know what you're feeling, but killing the bear is wrong."

"Our brother is dead and it's because of that monster."

"Killing that bear won't make you a man."

"I'm trying to follow my totem. Why can't you do the same?"

"You really think love has anything to do with being a man? A man wouldn't just sit here and do nothing."

"Don't upset the spirits."

"You left too soon. Your brothers need your guidance."

"So, you've decided to join the living! That's quite a bump you've got there."

"That must've been one heck of a ride down those rapids, huh?"

"Shh, shh. I don't speak bear."

"Strange. Spirits don't usually make these kind of changes."

"If you want to change, take it up with your brothers spirit."

"You'll find him on the mountain where the lights touch the earth. He'll help you make up for what you've done wrong."

"I'm not a bear. I hate bears."

"Do either of you know where the lights touch the earth?"

"I was transformed into a bear. Magically."

"Are there any hunters around?"

"Guess you didn't see the trap, huh? I saw it from a mile away."

"You must be pretty embarrassed. Don't worry. I won't tell anyone."

"You need to get down. Let me help."

"You know, when I was little, I was really into climbing trees. All kinds of trees."

"See? It's all about using your head."

"If you can't, you turn around. Walk away. And never come back. Ever."

"So what I'm thinking is we travel by day and sleep by night. My bedtime is an hour after sunset."

"You found me! You wouldn't believe what a nightmare this has been!"

"Lucky for him, he didn't find us. Cause when I get into a fight, I go all crazy."

"I don't want to brag or nothing, but I got some moves."

"There is no we, okay?"

[botanyshitposts]

is that why you think mammals have more than two sexes

idk if this was supposed to be like, a bizarre transphobic jab, but partially, actually. in biology very, very few things actually occur in binary groups; i prefer to imagine biological sex, as well as gender, by imagining two overlapping bell curves. there’s an average that we expect from gender and sex matching up at birth because most people will fall within the first quartile of the curves where all the most average genes were turned on and all the non-genetic factors surrounding that turn out in an average expected way, and there are more people who still are just as male or female but have different genes turned on and off or whatnot and wouldnt check every single box if like, The Chromosome Police showed up and made them do a cheek swab or whatever, and there are people who are intersex, which covers a wide range of different expressions of the genome.

but! we don’t have The Chromosome Police and we don’t need them, because we have gender to do this for us, which is something that has much more to do with a mix of genetic and sociological factors. in my opinion, gender makes it so that even if you’re a cis man who doesnt have like, idk penis gene #435 on the Y chromosome, youre still a man, and even if youre a woman who doesnt have vagina gene #874 turned on, youre still a woman. hell, some people go their entire lives without knowing that they have full extra chromosomes. it just....it just doesnt matter.

to expand on this, my theory is that gender serves the function of convenience more than like, a law or whatever; we have a system where there are usually a small set of things that happen as a result of a wide range of thousands of different things that turn off and on during development, and a lot of different moving parts are going on in that department that help mitigate disaster if one deletes itself or whatever, and not all those things are guaranteed to turn on or off, and as a result we’ve developed a system where regardless of whats in your pants- because anything could be there, honestly, evolution works in systems and as a result doesnt know or care- there’s a social thing that functions differently on another level thats more elastic, so no matter if you’re a woman who was born with one singular penis gene turned on or a woman who had a lot of them turn on, you both can kind of be in the same clump of ‘people who are this’. not ‘people who look like this’ or ‘people who do this thing’ or ‘people who have x combinations of chromosomes’, but ‘people who, for whatever multitude of reasons and results or relationships with themselves, are this way or another way or are existing successfully in some distant combination of ways’, and having those people around- if we follow this theory- apparently was not at all disastrous enough for evolution to pump the breaks and start killing people who never activated Penis And Vagina Gene #1456. in fact, trans people have been around as long as humans have, and that includes nonbinary people, intersex people, and cis people with different gender expressions. ancient societies had us around, there are just as many of us now as there always was, and biology just. it does not care.

think of all the things that go into a person. there is a whole lot of stuff that we do not understand. there are so many things that could change, or differ from individual to individual, and having a lot of moving parts like this with millions of different viable combinations of biological and environmental things works, because it means that the entire system doesnt break like a fucking twig if both a penis and a vagina gene turn on at the same time, or if little grog in the forest grows up hunting mammoths with his 8 moms and no dads in a nomadic tribe in prehistoric france. it also means that even if someone ends up as another combination, they dont immediately collapse into a heap of dust! great system, for the most part.

now, this is all contentious. first of all, this is my own set of theories on why this exists, and second of all i have complex feelings about the science surrounding this itself; as a biologist im fascinated, but as a trans queer person it’s terrifying. the reason this is is because there are two groups of people who want to learn things like this: people who actually want to study the details of human sex and gender, and people who want to find The Ultimate Queer Gene to ‘fix’ us forever, which like. as ive covered before. egregious moral, ethical, and basic human rights reasons aside. not something that actually would improve us as a species even if we did go to the farthest ends of the bell curves i mentioned and manage to transform the entire human race into two massive homogeneous supermale and superfemale groups with only the the most Epic And Extreme big dick and boob genes selected for (or, if were going off TERF logic, femurs of a bizarrely specific length or like, a skull shape or smth, you can see where this goes very quickly).

like. this shit is complicated. it is. sometimes, things in biology- especially when it comes to real people of our own species- are best left as enigmas, you know what im saying. but in the meantime, we can take estimates, we can say ‘we can make an educated guess about the biological sex of a skeleton by looking at their pelvis’, but we cant say ‘all cis women have femurs of exactly x cm, which is absolutely a normal and not creepy thing to obsess over’, and we cant say ‘all human beings are either male or female and that looks one of two ways’, because as we know from intersex people and all the other caveats in this subject, this is not true.

we can say with confidence that most human beings have a gender that matches what is average for their biological sex (which doesnt always define itself as the exact same set of characteristics to begin with) but not always, and most human beings have have a gender which falls vaguely under the umbrella of two vaguely defined existences, but not always, and most women have a femur length between x and x cm long, but women come in all shapes and sizes and therefore it isnt a good way to define what being a living breathing person of a particular circumstance means or looks like, holy shit, etc, and we can use this knowledge to make educated guesses about the world, but we can also use knowledge of what isn’t the majority of people to make educated guesses about what those guesses mean, and what roles they play (and hopefully will get some more rights in the meantime).

so yeah like. most people are one of two biological sexes, but its more complicated than ‘peepis or vagornio’, you feel.

[seokjinsonlyone]

this how i think it’d go if you wanted to steal they clothes

namjoon:

you were both shedders

when it came time to sleep you were doing it in as little clothing as possible

there was a singular intermingled pile of clothing on the side of your bed whenever you decided to call it quits for the night

outside of the bed, however, you were a very cold natured person. you were shaking and shivering whenever the temperature dropped below 70

so you were exceptionally glad you were blessed with an absolute mammoth of a man to stay by your side when morning rolled around

most days you awoke before him so you’d carefully and quietly hobble out of bed and grab whichever top he thrust off the previous night

today’s selection was a grey hoodie and when you threw it over your body you felt tingles run up your spine. it was so soft and warm it felt like you were being hugged by an alpaca.

you were by no means a morning person but the comfort you got from the hoodie had you feeling like the beginning of a mary j blige song. he was never getting it back.

you made your way to the kitchen to make yourself your morning coffee and then sat on the couch switching between aimlessly staring out the window and messing around on your phone.

you don’t know how long you’d been spaced out when joon came out some time later still half naked. “cute,” he muttered taking in your appearance. sweater paws in full effect, legs brought up to your chest tucked underneath the hoodie as well.

“right?” you straightened your legs out setting your cup down and beckoning him into your arms. it took no time for him to accept the invitation, head immediately finding purchase on your chest, arms wrapping around your body. “i’m keeping this.”

“i- you- yeah. okay,” he accepted, quickly realizing this wasn’t the battle he wanted to fight. you really did look cute. and he’s pretty sure there was a stain on it somewhere anyway.

seokjin:

“jiiiiiinnn,” you whined, “come oooon.”

“i’m serious, get in.”

“do i look like jimin? both of us ain’t fitting in that jacket.”

“jimin’s bigger than you”

“no he’s taller than me but i could snap him in half.” he sputtered out a laugh. “well maybe not bc he’s actually quite muscular but i still weigh more than him.”

“you’re wasting time just hop in.”

“noooo it’s not gonna work. i’m eye level with your nipples how imma have my arms in your sleeves and walk. why can’t you just give me your jacket?” you pouted.

“i told you to bring one!”

“it was gonna ruin the fit and i didn’t feel like holding it! and i didn’t know the temperature was going to drop like this!!!”

“well that’s your fault isn’t it?” he laughed, wrapping his arms around you.

you jutted your lip out even further running your hands up in down your arms, cuddling into his chest trying to seek out any warmth you could get. “but this is what you’re here for. boyfriends are supposed to give their girlfriends their jacket when it’s cold.”

“but i hate the cold.”

“so you telling me you hate the cold more than you love me?”

“a little bit.”

you couldn’t help the cackle that escaped you at his honesty. it was one of the main reasons why you stuck around. “well then can you bring the car to me while i wait inside, please? because honestly these heels got uncomfortable 2 hours ago and i didn’t wanna walk anyway.”

“i told you you probably shouldn’t wear those too. you don’t listen to me.”

“🥺 i wanted to look pretty for you.”

“and you do but you know i don’t mind. you don’t have to go through all that.”

you stood on your tippy toes to press a chaste kiss to his lips. “yes i do. beyoncé said pretty hurts.”

“wasn’t that song a criticism on beauty standards?”

“that’s not the point. now please go get the car before i pass away.”

yoongi:

you were sitting on the couch, feet propped on the coffee table when he approached you.

“here.”

you look up from your phone to see him holding a sweatshirt out to you. you look between him and the garment confusedly. “what you want me to do with that?”

“take it.”

“why?”

“come on,” he whined, shaking the sweatshirt in front of you.

you grabbed it, still unsure of his intentions. “now what?”

he sucked his teeth. “i know it’s a trend for guys to give their girls their clothes so i’m giving this to you now,” he explained, attempting to be nonchalant.

your lips quirked up immediately. he was so full of it. the only trends he cared about were in music and even then he still had a propensity for doing whatever he wanted. “oh so you’re giving this to me because it’s a trend?”

“i know you were gonna ask for something at some point, so i’m just getting it out the way now,” he answered from the kitchen, face in the fridge.

he came back with two beers, placing one in your hand. “so this has nothing to do with the guy from the ice cream shop asking me out?”

he huffed not even trying to deny it. “i was standing right next to you.”

you giggled. “you were standing in front of me 😭 your back was facing me. he couldn’t have possibly known.”

“whatever just wear it.”

“is this your way of marking your territory?”

“i’m not a dog and you’re not territory.” you raised an eyebrow. “it’s more of a hint.”

you rolled your eyes. you don’t know why he couldn’t just admit to his slight possessiveness. it was cute. you accepted the top regardless and changed the topic. “you know there’s like a million animals that mark their territory right?”

hoseok:

it was that time of year again

the time when it was sweater weather in the morning and flip flop weather in the afternoon

and unfortunately for you when you left the house the day before it was on the flip flop side of the spectrum and you 100% did not intend to stay the night at your boyfriend’s

but you know how it goes one thing led to another and now the skirt that you left the house in yesterday was not cutting it in the morning’s chill

hobi was still asleep without a care in the world hair sticking up in every direction. you were gonna buy him a bonnet.

you walked over and straddled him, hands running up and down his bare chest. when that didn’t rouse him you leant over and pressed kisses over all his face until you felt him take hold of your hips, hands roaming your thighs. “what’s all this then?”

“a wake up call.”

“a wake up call? 😏”

“not like that. i have work in 2 hours.”

“2 hours? that’s plenty of time,” he countered, sliding his hands up and squeezing your butt.

“no it’s not 😭 i don’t have any clothes here so i gotta get ready at home.”

he sat up and began kissing up your neck but he was still half asleep and blissfully pliant so he went down easily when you pushed him back down. “focus hobert. i need pants it’s cold outside.”

“uhhh… my sweatpants are in the bottom left drawer”

you scrambled off him. if you didn’t get a move on you were gonna be late.

he caught your hand and brought it to his lips before you could fully exit the bed. you looked down at him. “you’ll come back when you get off? 🥺”

“mhm.” you tried pulling your hand back so you could hurry up and go, but he kept a hold.

“can i have a kiss before you go?”

you obliged leaning down intending to keep it brief and chaste but hobi’s hand that was holding yours moved to the back of your neck and he kissed you with much more gusto than you thought he had in his drowsy state

you pulled back panting, resolve to leave slightly crumbled. “still wanna go to work?” he asked smirking.

you curled your lips at him turning to pull on the sweats. “goodbyyyyeeee hobi.”

he was back asleep before you made it out the door.

jimin:

“so i walk up-“

“hi.”

you pause looking into the camera. “hi. so i walk up to a few of the-“

“how are you?”

you smack your lips at his second interruption. “fine. so i walk up to a few of the stylists and they-“

“that’s good.”

“baby you got to let me speak.”

“you’re the one who facetimed me as if we were already in the middle of a conversation, “he giggled.

you rolled your eyes. you knew he was doing that to just to get on your nerves. “there’s no need for formalities. we literally saw each other like an hour and a half ago. remember? when you got off work and left me to continue doing mine? sound familiar?”

“noooope.”

you pursed your lips. “anyway. so i walk up to a few of the stylists bc you know they ain’t doing nothing fr fr. just shooting the breeze so i slide in. and i’m like hey where y’all be keeping the fits? and they’re like what fits? and i’m like THE fits.” you pause and look at jimin waiting expectantly.

“what?”

“you have to interject intermittently to let me know you’re still with me.”

“you just got all huffy with me for interjecting.”

“you weren’t interjecting. you were interrupting.”

he rolled his eyes. “yes i’m here. i’m with you. the fits.”

“right. the fits. you know like all the famous ones. the red carpet looks and music video ones and so on and so forth. so you know me having the connections that i do-“

“yes. that’s me. i’m the connection.”

“that was an interruption not an interjection.”

“i love you.”

“and i, you. anyway they take me and i’m telling you it’s prime real estate like the memories. i’m proper losing it and guess what i come across?”

“what?”

you prop your camera up and away so you could show him the garment on your body. “isn’t it cute???!?!”

“ahhh that’s the jacket i wore for DNA right?”

“Yes! and for your performance on the AMAs! and you let that one buff reporter try it on 🥵”

“i’m gonna act like i didn’t hear the last sentence.”

“whatever helps you sleep at night. anyway so i ask them like what plans they have for this baby and they’re like absolutely none and i’m like so it’s just sitting here in storage and they’re like pretty much and i’m like 👁👁 so……… you know my boyfriend jimin right? and they’re like of course and i’m like can i have it? and they’re like they gotta check. so they went and checked and they were like if you wanted you could have it. so i’m asking you do you want this for me to have???🥺”

he laughed incredulously. “i feel like there’s several points in this conversation where you could’ve been nicer to me if it was gonna end up here.”

“must i grovel at your feet for a jacket?” you ask with your hands on your hips before coming closer to the camera. “besides don’t i look cute in it 🥺 and wouldn’t i look soooo good if this was the only thing i was in? 🥰”

he choked on his spit. “you fight dirty.”

“all is fair in love and war.”

“you can take it but when i see it i want it to be the only thing you’re wearing as advertised.”

“anything for you, baby.”

taehyung:

the thing about taehyung is that he was easily defeated or at least he was in the kitchen.

he was picky. he didn’t always want take out. sometimes he wanted a home cooked meal but no matter how hard he tried him and cooking just ain’t get along

so left to his own devices he’d err on the side of not eating and that was something you just could not have

so a couple times a week you’d go over to his and make him a few meals made sure he had enough side dishes to last him

honestly you didn’t mind it he always took care of you so you made sure to take care of him in return it also earned you a few brownie points with his mother. a win win situation but that didn’t mean you couldn’t tease him about it

“so what do i get for doing all this?” you asked while slicing pork.

he walked over to you from his spot behind the island, wrapping his arms around your middle and resting his head on your shoulder. “my love and affection.”

“i can’t take that to the bank kim. i need something quantifiable.”

he pressed a kiss on the junction between your neck and collar bone. “like what?”

“one of your gucci cardigans.”

he breathed out a laugh. “to be honest i’d give you one regardless.”

“😨 forreal?” you were kidding about the whole situation but if he was going to give you one, you would happily accept.

“of course. what’s mine is yours.” he nuzzled his face into your neck.

“then where’s the credit card?” you joked once more.

“pick a day and i’ll take you out. whatever you want on me”

“😳😨🥺 babe?” you set the knife down, quickly washing your hands and turning in his hold. you brought you draped your arms around his shoulders, fingers lightly carding through the strands at the base of his neck, before bringing his face down and resting his forehead against yours, simply breathing each other in.

he knew you weren’t with him for his money. if that’s all you wanted from him you would’ve been long gone by now. and you weren’t. you were still by his side. in his kitchen. cooking for him. he loved you. you were it for him. so he could give up a sweater or two. would give you the world if you asked. “yeah?”

you knew that you two were serious. you’d had several conversations about your relationship, but sometimes it still shocked you when he decided to show and tell you how he felt about you. you couldn’t believe it and right about now you were ready to burst at the seams at the sudden seriousness he took your jesting with. you had to diffuse the sudden tension. “run me my check.”

jungkook:

“ayo kook!”

“yeah?” he shouted back.

you rolled your eyes. “come here, please!”

you couldn’t see it but he rolled his eyes too getting up from his spot on the couch to come to you. “what’s up?”

“i’m looking for a shirt,” you stated continuing your rifling through his clothing.

“why are you looking for one of your shirts on my side of the closet?”

“because i’m not looking for one of my shirts obviously.”

“why are you looking for one of my shirts then?”

you ignored him, still absentmindedly shuffling through his items. “where’s that one that i like?”

he snorted. “you like a lot of my clothes.”

“that’s bc you dress to impress me.”

which wasn’t necessarily true but it wasn’t a lie either. you were his baby. he wanted to look good for you. “sure. now which one? could you use actual adjectives this time.”

“the brown one,” you huffed, “with the skeletal system.”

he draped his arms over your shoulders, shuffling you both out of the closet and toward his chest.

you had a feeling it would be in there but he had everything perfectly folded and you knew he’d kill you if you messed it up.

“this the one?” he dangled the shirt from his fingers. you nodded. “baby, this is very oversized on me. you’re gonna drown in it.”

“i’m gonna wear it as a dress,” you corrected. “i’ve got a belt and everything. it’s gonna look good. trust me.”

“i trust you,” he said as he began peppering kisses down the side of your neck that made you question if you really wanted to leave the house tonight.

[i-draws-dinosaurs]

If we humans were somehow able to bring bacj extinct animal species with some editing done so they would better survive our modern earth would you join the efforts to protect these animals to survivable numbers and do on?

Honestly my short answer is, no I wouldn't. This is, however, one of those "I already have a rant locked and loaded" questions for me, so here's my longer answer...

De-extinction is an extremely complicated subject, but my personal opinion is that in the vast majority of cases de-extinction would more often than not be extremely ecologically irresponsible, especially since the species that would receive the most funding would mostly be charismatic megafauna that have been extinct long enough for earth's ecosystems to have moved on without them.

Let's take woolly mammoths as a case study, since they're the Big Topic that de-extinction tends to revolve around. Even in the best case scenario the woolly mammoths that could exist in real life would be genetically modified Asian elephants, not true mammoths.

But, let's say in this hypothetical we can bring back a true, 100% genetically accurate mammoth. The amount of time and work and money that it would take to bring back a sufficiently large population to actually begin breeding and become self-sufficient would be absolutely staggering. Moderns elephants have a very slow gestation period and birthrate, and if mammoths were anything similar then breeding a viable population would take multiple decades at the least, and more likely over a century.

But let's say they do breed, we get a viable population, and we introduce them to the Siberian tundra. There are three options of what could happen next:

A: Mammoth Re-Extinction

The environment has changed too much since mammoths were last here and our new mammoth population cannot get the resources they need. In trying to feed themselves adequately, they cause serious destruction to an environment that cannot support them, before dying out and going extinct again. An insane amount of money and time has now been spent on a failed experiment that caused more harm than it solved.

B: Success!

The mammoths are able to survive in the changed environment, they establish a successful breeding population, and we start to reap the potential benefits of their reintroduction. The researchers in favour of mammoth de-extinction claim that they would promote the return of the old Siberian wilderness and help combat climate change by encouraging the growth of grasses. There really is absolutely no way of testing these benefits and they are currently purely hypothetical.

A new population of mammoths now also means resources have to be invested in protecting them from threats such as poaching. They would also be just as at risk from climate change as any other species in that region, since mammoth-driven enironment regrowth would never be enough to adequately offset the rate of global warming on its own.

C: Mammoth Plague

The mammoths are too well suited to their environment and become invasive, feral species that cause massive ecological damage, driving other native species to extinction and potentially wreaking havoc on human settlements too. We now have a pest species on our hands that is bigger than any that humanity has ever had to deal with. The mammoths would have to be eradicated, which would cost an untold extra amount of money and may not ever be truly successful.

In my opinion, the potential risks involved even in scenario B, a successful introduction of mammoths into Siberia, are far too great to ever be worth the amount of resources that would have to be invested to achieve it, and the two other options are completely disastrous. While the specific risks and benefits involved would be different for every species this could be applied to, the basic principle of "disaster on either side of a very narrow margin for success" remains the same.

I guess for me, what it comes down to is the fact that these species are gone, but there are many, many other animals at risk of going the same way that we can still do something about, right here and right now. Why sink an uncountable number of resources into de-extinction efforts that most likely will fail, when instead those resources could be used to actually preserve the species we have left.

Our hypothetical scenario is basically a pipe dream at this point, but conservation efforts for living species can and do work absolute wonders. The numbers of bluefin tuna in southern oceans are in an unprecedented rise at the moment thanks to conservation efforts, and have already overtaken the population goals set for 2030. And that's just one example of the tangible effects that conservation biology is having for real living species.

Compared to that, de-extinction is extremely high-risk, mostly very low-reward, currently untested, and extremely resource-intensive. Honestly I feel like the main motivator behind the whole concept, beyond any ecological benefit, is a feeling of guilt around the extinction of species, especially those that died at the hands of humans.

And yes, extinction is an absolute tragedy, and my heart absolutely aches for the species that we've lost. But I don't think undoing our mistakes through de-extinction is the right way to utilise that guilt. Instead, we need to be focussed on protecting the world, ecosystems, and species that we have now.

[natromanxoff]

Smash Hits (March 26 - April 8, 1986): 73/?

Credits to Michael Kane.

QUEEN

Were they wrong to play in Sun City? Did they cash in on Live Aid with their single “One Vision”? At last their gracious majesties reply to their critics — and a right old tongue-lashing they give them, too. William Shaw plays Devil’s Advocate…

Roger Taylor is hopping mad. "People like Paul Weller never stop to think. They see things in such simplistic terms — in such puerile terms," he seethes, his voice raised. "And I get really angry when arseholes like Daryl Hall…” he gropes for the word, "hair-dos like Daryl Hall start going on about it when they haven't got a clue!"

Yes, Roger Taylor is definitely a bit hot under the collar. And what's made him so angry is this: Queen have been coming in for quite a bit of stick recently from fellow pop stars over a place called "Sun City", which is a huge concert venue in South Africa. Last year a bunch of stars like Bruce Springsteen, Bono, Daryl Hall and Bob Dylan got together to declare in song that they "ain't gonna play Sun City", to show how much they all detested the system of apartheid there by which blacks are segregated from whites.And a few stars — like Paul Weller and Daryl Hall — began openly criticising those groups which had played in Sun City. And one of the most famous groups who had appeared there was Queen.

"In a way I do regret playing," Roger admits now. "In some ways I would defend what we did. I mean, basically we play music to people — lots of them preferably — and I think a lot of crap is talked over here about things that people don't really know about."

Brian May goes a bit further: "Those criticisms are absolutely and definitely not justified. We're totally against apartheid and all it stands for, but I feel that by going there we did a lot of bridge building. We actually met musicians of both colours. They all welcomed us with open arms. The only criticism we got was from outside South Africa."

But the upshot of all this is that Queen have bowed to pressure and announced that they won't play there again. "We've come into line now, like everyone else," says Brian with a touch of bitterness in his voice about the whole affair.

He's sitting in this very plush recording studio in West London with assorted instruments scattered around the place. It's there that Queen have been putting the very last touches to their new LP which is a spin-off from a soundtrack which they wrote for a new film called Highlander (starring Sean Connery). According to Brian, the plot is about this bloke "who discovers he's immortal somewhere around the 15th century and eventually ends up in New York in the 20th century where the various immortals who've been born around the world come together for a show down…"

The new single, "A Kind Of Magic", taken from the film, is noticeably short of the "searing axe work" that used to be Queen's trade mark in earlier days. And the same goes for practically all their recent singles. Is Brian disappointed that no-one seems too want so many flashy guitar "solos" these days?

"Yeah," he answers forlornly. "It's frustrating in a way, but I've come to regard it as a fact of life. Even though I have the opportunity to do what I want with the group, the things that I want to do aren't necessarily the things that sell in huge quantities but there's nothing I can do about it. Mind you," he says, perking up, "there's some very heavy stuff in the film. It's a very heavy film, Highlander."

While he's talking, John Deacon is sitting still twiddling away behind this mammoth mixing desk. Freddie is conspicuously absent.

"He's really shy," explains Roger. "He feels that he's not very good at doing interviews."

What? The man who bounds furiously around stage wearing practically nothing apart from a moustache in front of millions of people is shy?

"On stage he's not," answers Brian. "But it takes him a long time to get on with anyone he doesn't know. He hates doing interviews and he hates the way they come out. People have such a strong idea of what they think he's like that it doesn't matter what he says to them, he usually gets misquoted."

Live Aid was definitely the highpoint of last year — Queen came out of it extremely well indeed. Were they surprised at the reaction?

"Yeah, I suppose so," says Brian. "Actually, it's only by a narrow squeak that we got involved in it because our first reaction was ‘Oh God! Not another one.’ We'd been involved in quite a few and we were a bit disillusioned as to how the whole business works…"

“But Geldof's whole thing was magnificent,” continues Roger. "He did it out of the purest motives. I cannot believe arseholes like Johnathan King can denigrate something that's done real good when he's done no good to mankind except litter the planet with dreadful records! How dare he? How worthless parasitic specks like him can have a go at something that's so good I don't know!"

But their huge success was tainted a bit by the fact that some people thought that the single "One Vision" was an attempt to "cash in" on the event — especially when a press release from the Queen office announced that the song was "inspired" by the event. They got a bit of a stick for that too.

The whole thing, says Roger, was an embarrassing error: "I was absolutely devastated when I saw that in the press. It was a terrible mistake and I was really annoyed about it. Some public relations person got the wrong end of the stick. I went absolutely bananas when I read that."

"We do a lot of stuff for charities," explains Brian, "but ‘One Vision' was a way of getting back to what we're doing, and if we didn't run ourselves as a business, we wouldn't be around for the next Live Aid. We're not in the full-time business of charity at all. We're in the business of making music, which is a good enough end in itself.”

[It’s A Kind Of Magic lyrics]

[charliedawn]

Marvel x Chubbyreader imagine

Imagine going shopping and one of the employees/customers bodyshaming you.

You find a cute dress and try it on. You get out of the dressing room and Tony's awestruck expression is enough for you to beam with pride.

" What do you think ?"

For once, Tony remains silent and only takes out his credit card as an answer.

" I'm buying this dress, and there's nothing you can do about it."

You giggle, but then someone's nasty comment makes it's way in your ear.

" Look at all that fat, it even moves when she laughs. It's disgusting. Nobody wants to see that.."

Tony stops dead in his tracks and turns towards the man with a fake smile before simply stating.

" You're fired."

The employee only laughs mockingly before replying confidently.

" I don't even work for you."

But, Tony walks to him and stares right at him with a death stare.

" I don't care, a**h*le. I buy the shop, thereby I become your boss and fire you. Now, get out of my sight before I pulverize your a**."

The employee doesn't say anything else and just walks away, not before glancing one last time at you with hatred. Tony wraps his arm around you defensively until he is definitely gone. However, the damage has been done and you finally utter weakly.

" M..Maybe I should just put the dress back.."

But, Tony doesn't let go and whispers in your ear in an hungry tone.

" Don't you dare.."

He then pays for the dress and as soon as you're in the car, he kisses you with such passion that it takes your breath away.

" Home ?"

You ask and he nods before replying in agreement.

" Home."

You already knew that Bucky was handsome..But, that didn't mean that it hurt less when people made comments about it. You spot a beautiful dress and the employee quickly takes out the dress with a huge smile.

" Here you go ! I'm sure you'll be perfect in it !"

You smile happily and nod before entering the dressing room. However, you don't even have to time to get out that you hear the same employee talking to one of the other customers.

" Oh my God ! Did you see that ?! It's a shame to let oneself go this far ! They look like a freaking mammoth in a dress. If she is like this..I can only imagine the man accompanying her !"

You don't dare get out as they start laughing together. You feel tears in your eyes, threatening to spill at any moment. However, the door of your dressing room opens and Bucky gets in, worried since you seemed to be taking a long time. The moment his eyes land on you, he finds you gorgeous in the dress and promises himself to buy it. But then, he sees you face and crouches in front of you with a worried expression.

" What happened ?"

You don't have to answer as the employee outside makes her voice heard again.

" Are you finished, miss ? Or do you have some trouble putting it on ? Do you want a bigger size ?"

He automatically understands and clenches his jaw, glaring at the door before looking back at you with a small smile.

" Did you hear that doll ? Sounded like a death wish to me.."

He takes your hand and kicks the door open, shocking the woman that falls on her butt and looks up at the you with a glare, not noticing Bucky standing behind you.

" Watch where you're going, you big ugly..!"

She doesn't have the time to finish her sentence as Bucky steps out and crouches in front of her to take her by the jaw harshly.

" Next time you even look at her with anything else than admiration or respect, I will make sure that you can't look at all..Understood ?"

The woman only nods in agreement and Bucky stands up, satisfied. He takes you by the waist and leaves the shop after having paid for the dress. You arrive in the parking and Bucky opens the door of his car for you.

" Now, let's go dancing..Okay ?"

Bucky asks and, when you don't answer, he turns around to see you with a frown on your face.

" Are you sure we should still go on that date ? People will still look at us and I think it would maybe be better if..Mmmmppphhh !"

You don't have the time to finish your sentence that he pins you to a nearby wall and kisses you with his hand wrapped around your throat.

" Now, I will only accept two answers from you. Dancing or kissing ? Your choice."

You smile and kiss him hungrily again. Looks like the choice is made.

" Yuck..Look at those stretch marks. They should go cover all of that up.."

Sam can't believe what he is hearing and looks at the man with anger radiating from him. You want to say that it's fine, but Sam doesn't give up and glares at the man while trying to remain calm.

" Man, shut the hell up. She is perfect in every way and there is nothing, absolutely nothing, wrong with having tiger stripes. It just means that if you were in the wild, they would be the one surving.."

You have tears in your eyes at his beautiful metaphor, but the man only laughs mockingly while eyeing you up and down.

" If the tiger is as slow and overfed as this one, won't be a problem outrunning it.."

Sam walks towards the employee and stands just in front of him before replying.

" That's where you're wrong..because this tiger is always accompanied by a falcon that will not hesitate before ripping the eyes of its prey.."

He doesn't understand until Sam punches him straight in the nose. The man whimpers in pain on the floor while Sam doesn't wait before grabbing your hand and stepping over the whimpering man.

" Come on, tiger..Let's go home.."

Vision was clearly excited when you asked him if he wanted to go shopping with you. He was starting to worry about you as you hadn't come out of your room for a while. When you both arrive, your eyes immediately see a very interesting dress that you want to try automatically. It calls you and you drag Vision along as he looks at you with a wide smile, happy to see you so happy. You take the dress and try it on. However, when you get out, you didn't plan on another person being there.

" Oh my God ! You're going to damage the dress ! Take it off !"

The man nearly shrieks and Vision frowns up at the man.

" What do you mean ? You think the dress isn't a good fit ?"

The man sneers in disdain before lookin at you with clear disgust written all over his features.

" No..SHE's not a good fit for the dress.."

Vision's eyes widen perceptibly and you can see his fingers digging into the arms of the chair. However, he still succeeds in remaining calm and answers with cold smile.

" Oh, I see..Apologies my good sir, I thought you were just mistaking, but I can see now that you're just a moron."

The man is shocked and gapes at the insult like a fish out of water.

" What did you call me ?!"

He finally shouts in indignation, but Vision, far from being intimidated, only continues to smile falsely before repeating.

" A moron. Should I repeat it again, sir ? Are you perhaps deaf ?"

The man becomes as red as a tomato and wants to slap Vision that only takes a step to the side. In an instant, he restrains the man on the floor and, in his usual polite smile, says.

" Now, the lady here is doing her best to manage her insecurities. It took weeks for me to reassure her that she is perfectly fine, and you ? You just destroyed all of my efforts with one sentence."

He is about to break the man's arm when you gently run your hand on his back soothingly. He seems to remember where he is and gets up in an instant. He then takes you by the hand to pay for the dress and get out of the shop. You wait until you are in the parking lot before stopping and making him look at you. He seems as upset as you and you try to calm him down by gently kissing him on the lips.

" Sorry..He just was so mean to you and I.."

You kiss him again and he finally melts into the kiss.

" Never say sorry for acting heroically..You acted amazing out there.."

He smiles proudly before picking you up.

" Vision ! What are you doing ?!"

You exclaim before he answers with a small smile.

" I'm taking my wife home."

He then takes back his original form and flies up in the air.

" Miss, I need you to step out of the dress. There is the scale on your right, we don't accept anything outside of size Medium in here."

You are about to reply when Scott suddenly stands up and glares at the salesman.

" No one. Tells. My. Wife. That. She. Looks. Fat."

Scott would normally go with the pacifist approach, but when it comes to directly insulting you about the thing that you're most insecure about ? Get prepared for full-on mad Scott. He will make a scene. He will physically attack the employee. It will take you to physically restrain him from scratching the man too much. He will ask to talk to his boss and will not go without a sincere apology. Don't mess with angry Scott.

" Get up ! Come on ! I'm not finished with you !"

He wouldn't say anything because you told him that you didn't want him to kill anyone again. But give him the chance ? And he would take the man's tongue and cut it so he may never speak again.

" Come on, let's go, Loki..The dress is not that important anyway.."

You take his hand and try to gently guide him outside of the dressing lounge. But, the employee adds before you could avoid any more problems.

" Yeah..The dress would be wasted on you anyway.."

This is the last straw. He turns towards the man with a dagger in hand and threatens him by putting it against his throat.

" One more word, and I will skin you like the pitiful human scum that you are ! Now, address one more time to my future wife with this sort of disgusting behavior, and your may find a thousand snakes hidden in your bed."

You drag him outside, grabbing your clothes and paying quickly. Loki frowns, upset at the fact that you didn't let him finish. You run out and it's only when you're in the car that you turn towards Loki with tears in your eyes.

" Loki. One more complaint and they will throw you in a cell again. Is that really what you want ?! Don't make idiots the reason we are separated again.."

He understands your concern and gently strokes your cheek with his thumb before kissing your forehead.

" Never..I just don't like how people treat you around here. It's so unusual. In Asgard, we don't care about the size, we care about how a woman fights. Here, you are called weak by strangers, and when you try to defend yourself, you are blamed. It just doesn't make any sense.."

You laugh at his perplexity before answering him with a kiss on the cheek.

" Never change, Loki.."

Sometimes, when you're alone like this, Loki seems almost innocent. He hasn't been shaped to understand human flaws, he even has trouble understanding why. But, this is why you love him.

" Hey, fata**! Move out of the way ! You are blocking my view !"

A customer yells at you as you just got out of the dressing room. She tries to get in, but Stephen only arks an eyebrow and uses his time stone on her.

" W..Where..?"

She stammers and Stephen quickly answers.

" You are in my realm. I was just checking if you are relevant in any dimension or time-line..Guess what ? You are not. I could send you to another planet and nobody would come looking for you. Now, do I make myself clear when I say to never speak so rudely to anyone again, and especially not her ?"

The woman nods her head vividly and Stephen smiles before making them both come back to reality. The customer looks shocked for a moment, but she only humphs and walks away. You look at him with an eyebrow raised in suspicion.

" Stephen..What did you do ?"

You ask, but he only smiles innocently at you.

" Nothing, dear. Just had to get some things done..By the way, this dress is lovely. I'll pay for it."

You quickly nod and get back in the dressing room. However, you can't seem to be able to open the back zip and finally ask for Stephen's help. He wants to act casual, but is still nervous when you ask for his help..He still enters and pulls the zip down, marveling on the exposed skin of your back in the process. He slowly runs his fingers up and down your back before kissing your neck shortly and getting out. You still smile. At least, you had your approval on the dress..

The moment you enter, everybody stares at you, Thor had insisted on coming with you in his mighty armor and you just knew it would attract many eyes..and the comments didn't take long to arrive..

" Did you see that ?! How did she manage to pull him off ?! I mean..Why her ?! It's surprising."

You hide behind Thor in shame and he quickly notices why. He approaches the man and leans in front of him with a fake smile.

" Is it though ?"

The employee seems taken aback and takes a moment to answer.

" What ?"

" Surprising ? Is it normal for humans to act in such a way when they have flaws themselves ? I mean, your brain is the size of a poptart, and you don't see me complaining about it now, do I ? I don't think you're even worthy of gazing upon her. She's a queen. A woman who has been by my side from the beginning to the end and who never left my side, even when death was upon us. Would you have done the same ? What are you compared to her ?"

Both you and the employee are shocked by Thor's words and he then takes you by the waist to kiss you in front of everyone, even going as far as squeezing your hips. You blush vividly, but he then takes a step back and looks around before shouting for everyone to hear while pointing you with his index.

" This is my woman ! She is just the way I want her and if everyone has a problem with that, he can come and talk to me !"

That quickly shuts everyone up and he then takes your hand, having spotted a very gorgeous red dress that he just knows would look good on you..or off you. 😏😂

Thor can be very confused about many human things, but he knows when something is wrong with his human and will do everything to make you feel better.

He wouldn't say anything, but as soon as your home..He would take his arrows and bow.

" Where are you going ?"

" Out."

He would simply reply and you already know that if you let him go, the employee will be psychologically scarred for the rest of his life..You post yourself in front of the door and refuse to let him pass.

" Come on, darling. Move. I just wanna talk to him..I just wanna talk to him.."

He would try to reassure you, but then, he would remember how ashamed you seemed when buying said dress. His mindset completely shifts to murderous mode as he tries to get past you.

" I just wanna kill him..I just wanna kill him.."

You wrap your arms around his waist and refuse to move.

" Come on ! You're stronger than this, my love ! Don't do it !"

He finally sighs in defeat before nodding in agreement. However, he takes you by the arms for you to get up and gently kisses you.

" I would do anything for you..Okay ?"

You smile and nod, knowing that he means it.

" I know.."

" Hey there.."

You try to ignore the woman openly flirting with your boyfriend, but it's hard when she whispers something in his ear. Something that makes him cross his arms and frown.

" I'm sorry ?"

He says, apparently confused and the woman only giggles before wrapping her arms around his arm.

" You heard me cutie, come with me and leave the pig behind.."

You nearly choke on your own saliva as she repeats high enough for you to hear..You turn around and see an angry Steve that suddenly gets up and glares down at the woman.

" Oh no..You misunderstood. I was genuinely sorry for the fact that no amount of make-up will ever be able to cover your mean heart. Now, leave us Regina George, before I decide to make you leave."

The woman's eyes widen and she turns around with a loud dramatic humph. In an instant, Steve is by your side and covers your face with kisses.

" Don't listen to her. She isn't worth it..And her perfume was just horrible, I need to wash it off when we get home."

You smile with tears in your eyes, reassured and extremely grateful for having such a perfect man in your life..

" Wait..How do you know Mean Girls ?"

You suddenly inquire as you remember that the movie only got out a few years ago..He smiles before blushing almost embarrassingly. He then admits while massaging the back of his neck with his hand nervously.

" I decided to culture myself..And I also heard Hawkeye talk about how his girl has been going crazy over that movie..So, I decided to check it out.."

Your eyes widen at the information and you smile almost mischievously.

" This is actually very "unlike" you, Rogers..Listening on doors..Are you turning to the Dark Side of the Force ?"

He looks back at you with an arked eyebrow, visibly confused and you sigh loudly.

" Oh come on ! Star Wars ! Don't tell me you've watched Mean Girls but never heard about Star Wars ! "

He only shrugs and you suddenly take him by the arm to drag him towards the exit.

" B..But the dress ?!"

He exclaims and you only reply with a slight grin.

" The dress can wait. We've got other very important matters to intend to !"

He suddenly gets out of your grip to run to get the dress and pay for it before coming back to you. He then grabs your hand with a huge smile.

" Now, we can go."

[hunterofthemist]

Strength of the Meek

Carrying a paper bag Dave walks into the cafeteria. He looks around the room and sees Kotzal waving him over. He walks over to him and sits down with Kotzal at a noticeably empty table.

"Hey Dave, how are you?" Kotzal asks with a grin. "You dont have to rub it in, I had no idea you were a natural," Dave grumbles.

"It's just that when you showed me the rules I realized how similar they were to a game I used to play on Geon. Thrum If I remember correctly." Kotzal and dave talk for some time, the topic changes quickly from poker to physical ability.

"How strong are humans anyway? I've seen your movies but you said they aren't a good representation of human strength." Kotzal asks intrigued.

"Were strong enough. Enough to take down something bigger than us, at least with some planning that is." Dave answers. "I mean back when humans still dwelled in caves we took down wooly mammoths, which were beasts around three times the size of a human."

"Oh, I didn't know that. It's pretty impressive to hear." Kotzal says more than intrigued at this point.

"What about when a human has to do something impossible, just to keep the ones they care about alive. What do you do then?" He asks, his face getting a bit more solemn.

"We push on, do whatever it takes, even if it means we tear ourselves apart doing so," Dave says with a look of sincerity. He then breaks the look and smiles warmly. "What's got you asking a question like that?"

Kotzal laughs nervously and scratches the back of his head. "I dont know, I just heard stories over the Ether."

The conversation ends as the buzzer goes off on everyone's watch. "Shit thought we had more time for lunch break. That blows." Dave sighs.

Dave and Kotzal start walking down a hallway towards their respective stations. Halfway towards Dave's station, the alarm sounds, as well as an explosion in a nearby hallway.

"What was that!" Kotzal panics, immediately hiding behind dave and shaking. Dave reacts accordingly, not to the explosion but to Kotzal hiding behind him. "Woah dude, you good?"

"Oh sorry, my species is a prey species on my home planet. We get jumpy when stuff like this happens."

Dave chuckles at the thought, "you know if you did this around the others im pretty sure they wouldn't be able to see you." His attention focuses back on the sound. " We should go check out what happened, we're engineers after all."

Kotzal steps out from behind dave nervously and agrees. They walk down the hallway towards the commotion. Smoke billows out of the walls, embers pour out of the holes as well.

A hulking beast pulls its way out of the hole, it had to be around 8 and a half feet tall. Just as dave gets a look at it, several more come out of the walls. Kotzal grabs dave and pulls him around the corner, away from the beasts.

"Get down! Those are Tarvok pirates. We need to go, we do Not want to pick a fight with those." Kotzal is freaking out, likely having a panic attack. He tries to pull Dave with him. Dave doesn't budge, instead, he stares at the wall and puts his hand on it. "I cant."

Kotzal gets more anxious and frenzied, pulling harder on Dave. "No We have to go, David dont do this." In response, Dave grins and puts his head on the cold metal wall. "I said I cant, This station is my baby. I've fixed her more than anyone else. I can't leave her."

Dave turns to Kotzal and continues. "Not to mention the number of people these guys could hurt. You know how far the nearest guard post is, and how understaffed it is. If I turn tail and run countless people will die. But If I distract them, buy us some time. Maybe I can save a few lives."

"But you'll die! You'll get killed, I can't have you do that. I can't lose you, You're the only one who even respects me, let alone is nice to me." He says as tears start to form in his four eyes.

Daves grin breaks and he pulls Kotzal into a hug, Kotzal's small stature causing him to look like a small child not wanting their parent to leave. "That's not happening. I ain't gonna die." Dave thinks for a moment and goes on. "How about you help me, I dont buy this scared child Schtick. There's something there, something strong. I can see that."

Dave breaks the hug and pulls a knife from his belt, and hands it over to him. Kotzal stares at the blade for a second and takes the knife and nods in agreement. "Use your speed and stature to your advantage. there's a lot of smoke, try to use that."

Dave and total talk for a minute discussing plans and strategies after they're done he grabs a pipe on the wall and rips it off, but not before speaking to the station itself. "Sorry about this."

Walking around the corner Dave bangs the pipe on the wall, getting the army of Tarvok's attention. "Hey you brutes, eyes on me." He says, resting the pipe on his shoulder.

One of the Tarvok's starts walking over to Dave with a look of hunger and anger. Dave grins, this being a part of his plan, and stomps on a jagged and sharp piece of metal, launching it into the air. To which Kotzal leaves cover from behind Dave and grabs the piece of metal and throws it into the eye of the Tarvok.

"See, I told you no one would be able to see you back there." Dave jokes. He takes a step forward and inspects the now corpse of the Tarvok. "Oh damn, straight into the eye." Kotzal meekly responds to the compliment. "Thanks, it was heavier than Im used to so I didn't think it hit where I wanted to."

"You're a good shot, keep it up." Dave compliments. For a split second, Dave swore he could see Kotzal's cheeks turn blue.

Dave starts walking forward towards the rest of the army, beckoning them to come to fight him. One soldier takes a step forward to fight. The hulking beast throws a punch towards Dave but he sides steps it and slams his weapon into a pipe next to the Tarvok.

The soldier notices this and started to laugh but a second later the pipe bursts and hot steam starts to burn the soldier and causing it to fall to the floor.

The next one rushes Dave and throws a punch at him, he absorbs the blow into his shoulder and uses the force to spin himself around and slam the pipe into the soldier's skull.

At the display of force, the rest of the Tarvok's take a step back from the carnage. "Hey Kotzal, I think I fucked my shoulder up. It's your turn. " Dave says quietly so the brutes in front of them won't hear. "Yeah, let's do it." He responds, trying to hide the fear in his voice.

Dave starts to run towards the group of Tarvok's with Kotzal following. Before he gets too close he ducks down and arches his back and Kotzal jumps off his back and launches himself toward the enemy.

With one hand he throws a sharp piece of metal in the neck of one of the soldiers and with the other he stabs another with the knife Dave gave him.

The last one is in front of them, he's bigger than the rest. Probably the leader. "Let me handle this one," Dave says as he blocks Kotzal from moving forward with the pipe.

Looking at the pipe in his hand, Dave realizes that the pipe is way too damaged to continue to be useful. He takes a step forward and throws the thing as hard as he can. The pipe flies through the air and when it's about to hit, the leader catches it.

As soon as he threw the pipe Dave started running towards the beast but only noticed that he caught the pipe when he was too close to do anything. The Leader propels his knee into Daves's gut, the spike on it spearing into dave.

"Oh fuck!" He screams as the spike goes through him. He falls back and tries to stop the bleeding. Another scream is heard, not of pain but rage. "You Fucker!" It's Kotzal, with the look of pure rage in his eyes.

"I'll kill you!" He screams as he starts running towards him. As he reaches him he jumps at the leader to get a clear shot at him. In retaliation, the Tarvok grabs him by the neck and holds him in the air. Kotzal doesn't seem to notice, the anger blinding him. He starts slashing wildly at the beast in front of him, a good majority hitting their targets.

Kotzal gets a good stab into the arm of the beast holding him, causing him to be dropped.

While on the ground he stabs the blade into the back of the knee of the Tarvok leader making him fall to his knees, lining him up for a stab to the side of his head, killing him.

He keeps stabbing the now dead Tarvok, more out of rage than him being unsure he's dead. After a few dozen stabs he stops and takes a second to breathe and remembers Dave. He turns around and sprints towards Dave.

He starts trying to help him staunch the bleeding and stabilize him. "No, no-no-no. Dont do this, you cant." He starts tearing up trying to help him.

"It's okay, you did well. Didn't expect the fucker to catch the pipe. I think this is it" Dave says as he rests on the wall, trying to do whatever he can to stop the bleeding.

"Dont say that! You'll be fine, I know what im doing. I can help you." Kotzal says frantically.

Dave looks at him and puts his bloodied hand on his shoulder. "You can't save me, an injury like this is impossible to fix up."

"Shut up!" Kotzals shouts as he slaps dave. "We aren't in the medical dark ages, You know how strong modern medicine is." a grin forms on Daves face as he shrugs. "Whatever you say," he says as his vision fades to black and passes out.

Daves eyes open and the bright light blinds him, "hey your awake." a familiar voice says. His eyes adjust to the light and he sees that Kotzal is sitting on the chair next to his bed.

Dave groans in pain as he tries to sit up. Kotzal puts a hand on his shoulder and stops him. "Dumbass, you can adjust the bed." He laughs, handing him the switch.

"How long was I out?" He asks as he raises the head of his bed. "About two days. You had us worried for a little while." Kotzal responds with a smile.

"You can't kill me that easily, its gonna take a lot more than that, I still have work to do here." He smiles back.

"Oh yeah, like what?" Kotzal asks. "The engines been making a thunking noise for the past week, I still figure out what the hell the problem is." They both start laughing for a minute and after they stop a silence is formed between them, which is promptly broken ten seconds later by dave. "Hey after they discharge me, do you wanna go to the bar and get a few drinks? I'll buy."

"Sure thing, I'd love to."

[gojology]

— Gojo and Nanami | Their Insecurities

pairing : insecure gojo x gender neutral reader, insecure nanami x gender neutral reader warnings : unedited, probably some misspellings, maybe some cursing, i probably dont make sense at all wordcount : 1703 a/n : this is so bad dear god please forgive me for deeming this as content

GOJO SATORU ‧₊˚✩彡.

☆ Gojo’s insecure about his lack of bodyhair. His lack of facial hair and arm hair worries him. Being babyfaced wasn’t something positive in his eyes- no, he wishes he was physically more masculine.

   Your eyes meet his, the sun rays bathing both of you in an orange filtered light. His mouth is slightly opened, skin flush to the touch. After a night of intimacy, your ready for another round, pushing your palm towards his forehead. “Good morning, Satoru.” you say, voice slightly wavering even in the most private presence, without the formalities and what not, he’s surprisingly normal, and it’s taken you a bit to adjust to that. He’s warm, but it’s the good kind of warm, and it shows on his silly, dopey smile.

    You guess it wasn’t the time for more sex, so you resist your urges, directing the energy to something else.

    Gradually, your palms find themselves on his cheeks, and you pinch them slightly, giving him a look you hope is loving- because you really do mean it. Your rest assured, as the curve to his swollen lips grew even wider. The sounds of bird chirped as your fingers danced across his jawline, finally at your final stop, his chin. 

    You tip his chin up, and sure enough, hickeys are adorning his neck. A feeling of joy and honor fills you for a brief second, you were the one that was allowed to see him vulnerable, given the pass into his locked up heart. He finally breaks the silence between the two of you, pushing away your slack hand delicately. 

    It’s peculiar, there’s a tremble to his lips, like he’s scared, or about to burst into a fit of tears. You think it should be the other way around, but here you were, arms held close to your chest, looking at him with a mixture of curiosity and anticipation, bated breath preventing you from questioning the sudden change in tone. 

    “Hey, um, Y/N, weird ass question, but, am I hairy? Like, wooly mammoth hairy?” 

    You can’t tell if it’s sarcasm or not.

    Trying not to make a face, you shrug your shoulders. “Well, I mean, not really. You’re actually pretty nonhairy, in terms of uh... The average-” you pause, realizing how drastically his face fell. “-But I do like non-hairy guys! Who would wanna date a wooly mammoth anyways? Hey, baby..” you coo, giving him a tiny peck on the cheek, fluttering your eyelashes.     “What’s this about? Hey, you know, you can just be straightforward with me, I don’t mind.” 

    He doesn’t take a moment of hesitation, exasperatedly blurting out, “Does my lack of.. Hair, bother you?” but it seems he regrets it, your cheeks puffing up, stifling a giggle. Yet, he maintains the bone-chilling eye contact, his eyes are as vivid as ever, so blue it looked like the entrance to heaven. Your immediately lulled, whatever he was going to say was definitely urgent.

    “W-What? Are you being serious?” covering your mouth, your voice is muffled, but his face looks absolutely terrified, and you relish in how funny he looked. It wasn’t everyday that he was genuinely frightened, well, maybe he didn’t show it often.    “Of course not! Why would I be even remotely worried about bodyhair when I have something way more eye-catching in front of me?”

    The shock turns into a sheepish smile, returning for a second time, your heart melting instantly. He takes a long, deep breath, exhaling the tension away, tugging at the covers to go over his chest. You hadn’t realized that he had stolen more than half of the blanket for himself, but you don’t make a fuss about it. 

    For all the weight he carried on his sagging shoulders, you’re sure the warmth is appreciated. 

NANAMI KENTO ‧₊˚✩彡.

☆ Nanami thinks he’s a boring person, through and through. Outside of work, he doesn’t see why anyone would want him. Some days, he wonders if he should pick up on Gojo’s personality, telling jokes and being sarcastic and what not.

   The fine, white porcelain Nanami had gifted you was beautiful, to say the least. Nanami frequently shone it until it glimmered in the light, wiping any smudge or speck of dirt that dared to get on his beloved tea set that he gifted to you a few months prior. Gold trim, alongside depictions of birds fluttering about, and your favorite flowers. It’s perfect for you, and that’s why he had gotten it. His eyes had instantly brightened, picturing your beaming face as you served the two of you some tea.

   But he wonders, would you be happier if he perhaps gifted you something more up to date in comparison to the porcelain? He had enough money to buy you the world, bags, jewelry, he’d often used to hear stories of his co-workers giving their wives expensive, well, anything, and they’d be over the moon. A sudden realization grew inside of him at the thought of this:    

   Was he too out-of-date?    

   The thought went rampant in his usually collected mind, twisting and turning at night, only the sound of you, deep in sleep, could calm the troubled man down. As a consequence to his overthinking, he got little to no rest, and if he got little to no rest, his eyebags would turn their ugly, sneering faces in his direction.

     And so, as he’s baking tea cakes to go along with the afternoon tea the two of you would routinely drink, he’s going deep into depth of himself. He’s a good worker, good at...

     What was he good at? Aside from work, he can’t see why he’d be of use. Nanami acknowledges he’s stoic, which may be good in some cases, but often, everyone runs away from him because he appears as scary with those cold, calculating eyes. As opposed to Gojo, everyone enjoyed how lenient of a teacher he was. Well, Nanami isn’t sure on that, maybe aside from Megumi, Nobara, and Yuuji, everyone hated that. Regardless, him and Gojo don’t share something in common.

     Gojo has humor, and he doesn’t. 

     So why did you like him? 

     Nanami’s subconsciously drumming his long, bony fingers against the counter, eyes studying the ceiling like it’s the last thing he’ll ever do. Steadily, an acrid smell completely overwhelmed your senses- now, you’re hacking into your arm, and finally, Nanami comes back to Earth. 

     He blinks a few times, like he’s drinking in his surroundings, before he realizes the tea cakes are completely burning into a crisp.

Now, he’s on heightened alert, yanking open the handle to the oven and fanning out the flames with a random oven mitt he had hastily grabbed for. Beads of sweat are developing on his skin, before finally, you rush in, still hacking up a storm with a large pot of freezing water in your shaking hands.

     Nanami curses himself for ever appearing as informal, but then he remembers he’s infront of his significant other, he didn’t have to put on an act. His face relaxes, and he opens his mouth to speak, to apologize, but he’s paused- by you. You raise your palm up at him, the other hand opening up a window looking over the garden.

      “Nana.” he freezes completely, the affectionate nickname was specially reserved for confrontations like this. You spoke softly, which, for some reason, was significantly worse than you screaming into his ear. Your eyes follow suit, staring at his collar, loosening his tie. He winces, but Nanami’s not sure why he does. You had touched him millions of times, so why was it now that he didn’t accept it?

     “Yes, my love?” he finally breathes out, wrapping a strong, gentle arm around your waist just loosely. You place your thumb just below his lower lip, your index finger rubbing his plush lips all at the same time. The exchange is purely affectionate, yet, he’s still tense. 

    “What has gotten into you?” you murmur. 

    “I- Nothing, darling, I’ll bake another-” 

    “No.” is all you say before you grab him by the chin, unwavering. Usually, those piercing eyes of his are emotionless, something shocking. The eyes are the gateway to the soul, so why is it that it’s blocked off? But you guess it wasn’t the case here, he stared back with the same level of intensity, fear and peculiarity. You stay in that position for a little, savoring just how much you must mean to him, it wasn’t everyday he was vulnerable and let you inside.      Your breathing is heavy, eyelids heavy as well due to his routinely ruckus every night, but you’re determined to erase any trace there was left of that.       You kiss him. It’s sloppy, yet chaste. A fight for dominance usually occurs between the two of you, and almost routinely, Nanami wins, but this time, he lets you do the work. 

   Your lips never once trail away from his own. Heavy breathing through nostrils, hands roaming where it shouldn’t at such an early time, but who gave a fuck about the rules? It wasn’t a workplace, and you’d never let it be one. He clings onto your figure, you savor his muscular physique. Not once do his hands not roam, your flesh was his, and his was yours. 

    Finally, you pull away, heat rising to your cheeks, tears are beginning to dawn on your glassy eyes. “I’ve listened to you roll around in bed every night, mumbling shit about how you don’t see why I’d want you. You better donate your eyes and brain to charity right now.” 

   This wasn’t the reaction, or beatdown he was expecting. He flinches at the vivid image he got of you gouging out his eyeballs. “...Why must I do that? 

   “Because, you don’t use them, obviously. If you took a fucking second of your life to look deeper into your personality below the surface level, you’d see how fucking amazing you are and I love you for that.” 

   Shaking your head furiously, you shush him up yet again when he finally decides to speak up, tears are beginning to spill down your cheeks. “Shut up, Nana. Shut. Up.” pulling him in for another kiss, your hands grabbing at his shoulder like he was going to let go. 

   But he never did.