#this is one of the stupidest things ive ever written
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trying to write something about how much i hate the ‘misandry in utena/the utena fandom’ crowd but it feels kind of redundant to me. i think i just don’t consider people who use the word ‘misandry’ serious people. i do however feel an obligation to occasionally make my position clear on that front, because im aware i tougapost and some people love to bring that guy up as the misandry in the utena fandom poster boy. which is so fucking stupid because touga is not victimised by ‘misandry’, touga is victimised by homophobic violence which is wrapped up in misogynistic violence, both of which are the cogs in the machine we call patriarchy. touga is not affected by misogyny in the same way that anthy is, that’s one of the key takeaways you can get from their being foils, and i don’t really like the whole ‘oh patriarchy hurts men too’ stuff because it neglects the fact that men reap so many material benefits from what some people deem ‘harm’ to them (emotional repression being the big one. it’s not great but when you’re the privileged party and gain power from it, who cares? it’s like the inverse of kozue trying to use sexuality to gain power: she can’t do that). but touga is a shitty dysfunctional person who has been shaped by violence and in turn perpetuated violence, and his character excels, imho, at examining how patriarchy functions and attempts to homogenise life’s many complexities. same deal as nanami really. they just play different roles in this gender essentialist nightmare that crunches out any grit. and you can extend that idea to all rgu characters but i am who i am and that is a kiryuu siblings enjoyer
#i always say that tougaheads are either the stupidest or wisest utena fans#you know are you blorbo-ifiying him in a way that would stab anthy to death with a million swords imbued with human hatred#or are you considering his character in all his awfulness and complexity and attempting to internalise the things you can learn from him??#don’t have the energy for complex thoughts tonight and yet ive written all this out#sorry for the brain fart#one day ill write this shit out properly with all my transfeminist theory properly cited#but for now i will half remember passages from whipping girl and gesture hysterically at himemiya anthy my best friend himemiya anthy#and also occasionally try to convince people that touga’s perspective is interesting to consider#i mean it’s horrific and maddening and frequently deeply uncomfortable and to be clear as a person?? hate that guy#but. oh i don’t know. oh i don’t know. extending compassion towards him helped me a lot personally#he anthy and nanami all mean more to me than i can really express#and i think none of them should ever speak to each other ever again#maybe anthy is allowed one run in with both of them separately. and she gets to dunk on them. but maybe not#ANYWAY!#dais.txt
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Elias Bouchard? haha more like Elias DOUCHE-shit did he really just beat an elderly germanic man to death with a pipe
#FROM THIS DRAFTS THIS IS ONE OF THE STUPIDEST THINGS IVE EVER WRITTEN#deserved tbh#only helpful thing elias ever did#alternatively Elias BOOchard bc he’s spooky get it#MAG 80#elias bouchard#jurgen leitner#tma#the magnus archives#rusty quill#from the drafts
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In the locker room, Coach Lasso kisses their resident emotional support biographer, casual-as-you-please, and then leaves like nothing happened. Chaos ensues and the entirety of the club somehow gets involved. Trent wishes for the sweet release of death.
#one of the stupidest if not the stupidest thing ive ever written <3#tedependent#ted x trent#tedtrent#my writing#trent crimm#ted lasso#my fics
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[ID: this is possibly one of the stupidest things ive ever written (affectionate)]
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biodad Giovanni-Ash content please! 🥺🥺
wc: 3 905 read on ao3
That kid is here again.
Normally, the boss encourages customers keeping their Pokémon out of their balls in the store. It makes them easier to steal, not that much of that happens these days anyway. It’s above their paygrade, James is always saying; Jessie knows he’s right, but sometimes she thinks the thrill of it alone might be enough to get her out of the slog of retail. At least for a little while.
The kid with the Pikachu on his shoulder, though—he’s a close second. He’s a nuisance, sure, but he makes their jobs…not fun, exactly, but different.
With one eye on him as he disappears into the kitchen department, Jessie presses down on her radio and mutters, “Twerp spotted in aisle fifty-one.”
The channel is tuned only to James and Meowth, even if it does sometimes get them in trouble for not hearing whatever stupid Cassidy with her stupid supervisor tag is ordering them to do. The kid and his dodgy little mouse are Jessie, James, and Meowth’s project; if Cassidy or Butch caught wind of it, they’d take away the only exciting thing that’s walked into Rocket’s Department Store in years. Jessie would sooner lose a limb.
Static fills her ear, followed by Meowth’s voice: “Locked on to target, meow.”
Shortly after comes a crash from aisle fifty-one.
Jessie switches her radio channel over just in time to hear Cassidy shriek, “Someone had better be cleaning that up!”
“Oh, happily,” she bites back into the radio. “Shall I polish your ugly shoes while I’m at it?”
Cassidy laughs in that way she does that makes Jessie wish she were close enough to punch in the face. “Of course, you are the authority on all things ugly, hmm?”
Jessie simmers. With rage tamping down her tongue, she can do nothing more than switch the channel back and stomp off to today’s crime scene. Surrounded by broken plates stands James, making a valiant effort to wrangle their energetic Pikachu pal before more damage can be done.
“Hey!” the kid shouts. “How many times do I hafta tell ya to keep your hands off my Pikachu?!”
He shoves James back against the aisle where the single glasses and mugs are lined up. Jessie leaps forward to catch Pikachu just as James’s shelf-stocking reflexes overpower him and he frees his hands to stop the wobbling before anything more can be added to the shards of colourful porcelain scattered across the floor.
With the ease of practice, Jessie grabs Pikachu around the waist with both hands and holds him up high as the kid tries to jump and retrieve his volatile partner.
He’s too short, though, and Pikachu hasn’t shocked her yet. She glances down at him with a raised eyebrow.
“You gonna clean this up, kid?”
“Why should I?” he demands. Apparently having realized his hopping’s not getting him anywhere, he finally plants his feet on the ground in order to glare up at her properly with all his ten-year-old might. “What’re gonna do about it, call your boss?”
The spark of hope in his eyes as he says it is what makes this kid so damn interesting. Clearly, he thinks he has some kind of business with the boss, but Jessie’s no idiot: she knows calling Giovanni for anything that happens around the store is as good as cashing in on a death wish, and as bad as this job can be, she’s not quite there yet.
“The boss don’t care about some broken plates, meow.” Meowth is standing back, away from the carnage, but close enough that the kid, if the way his eyes widen then narrow with outrage and thinly veiled disappointment is anything to go by, hears him loud and clear. “Gotta do betta than that, kid.”
It’s the same thing every day.
Pikachu squirms in Jessie’s hands, but she just holds on tighter.
“You’re not going anywhere,” she snaps. “What were you trying to do this time, twerp? Climb up to the rafters?”
Even as his trainer defiantly crosses his arms over his chest, Pikachu deflates slightly. Perhaps the Pokémon is fed up with this routine too.
“No,” the kid mutters. “Just tryna get a better view.”
He nods his head in Jessie’s direction. She doesn’t need to glance back to know he’s gesturing toward the window from Giovanni’s office that overlooks the store. It’s anyone’s guess how the kid even figured out that’s what’s on the other side; they’re tinted so customers can’t figure that out.
“And this is the aisle you chose?” James sounds nearly as snappish as he does confused. He’s a bit protective of the kitchenware; it is his department, after all.
The kid glares at him. “Well, yeah. Makes the most sense, doesn’t it?”
“Not when you’re the one who has to sweep all this up,” James grumbles. “Hold on, Jess, I’ll go get the broom.”
He heaves a huge sigh, then tiptoes around all the broken china. As he turns his back on them, Jessie squints at the kid.
“You can have this destructive rodent back after you’ve swept this up, twerp. That seems fair, doesn’t it?”
Pikachu struggles against her hold. When it’s managed to turn around and look at her, it growls.
“Don’t take that tone with me,” she snaps. “I don’t get paid enough for this shit. If you’re so upset, why don’t you make yourself useful and help out?”
She didn’t know Pikachus could glare, but this one’s expression is just pure loathing. Jessie thinks that’s pretty unreasonable, all things considered; she’s really doing the brat and his rat a favour.
“Pikachu—,” the boy starts, but Jessie pulls Pikachu against her chest and frees one hand so she can put up a silencing finger.
“Not so fast. You’re not allowed to use Pokémon moves in here, or did you forget what the signs outside say?”
It’s true, too; though the signs welcome Pokémon, they’re also very clear that battling will not be tolerated within the store. Besides, it’s bad manners to use moves on people, not that anyone seems to have taught the kid that.
She can see the cogs in his head turning, however slowly that may be. Just when she thinks maybe she’s made a mistake—that he’s realized she can’t kick him out without the boss on her side—footsteps approaching from behind her have all four of them turning to look. Jessie’s relief is short-lived when she sees not James but Butch on the other end of the aisle.
“Uh-oh,” says Meowth.
Butch takes in the scene with narrowed eyes, which lastly land on Jessie. “What’s going on here?”
“Oh, mind your own business.” Jessie sniffs disdainfully. “It’s under control, Botch, so back off.”
“It’s Butch!”
“Yeah, yeah, just get out of our hair, would you? We don’t need your big stupid nose getting in the way of our jobs.”
His cheeks redden at her dismissal, but he doesn’t get a chance to say anything before James turns the corner back into the aisle. He freezes, broom gripped tightly in both hands. Butch whirls around to face him with an almighty scowl.
“You two have made one too many messes on my floor,” Butch growls. “You think you can just clean this up and move on? Who’s gonna pay for all this, huh? I don’t know why the boss keeps you around.”
James swallows visibly. He grips the broom even tighter. “Erm…”
“Don’t be ridiculous,” Jessie fumes. “The store can afford a few—”
But she’s cut off by the boy, loudly declaring, “It’s not their fault, it’s mine.” She glances back at him just in time to see him squinting at Butch’s nametag as he turns back around. “Er, Mr. Bunch, sir. I tripped and my Pikachu got a little freaked out and, well…” He gestures around them. “So I’ll help clean it up, and if I need to pay for anything, I will.”
Butch’s face ripples with conflict, and then crumples. “Fine,” he snaps, “but make it quick and then get out of here, or you’ll be sorry, kid.”
With that, he shuffles off, presumably back to wherever Cassidy is so they can gossip about what losers Jessie and James are.
James relaxes ever-so-slightly. “Huh. The twerp’s got a conscience, after all.”
“It is my fault,” the kid points out. “‘Sides, you’re not very nice, but I don’t wanna get you fired.”
Gingerly, James picks away across the floor until he is close enough to pass the broom off to the twerp. He chews on this for a beat, and then remarks, “You could have fooled us.”
At this point, Pikachu seems to have accepted its fate and is curled up against Jessie’s chest. The kid eyes them briefly, then accepts the broom with a short sigh.
“I don’t even know who you are,” he mutters. “Why would I wanna get you fired?”
“So you could make a direct complaint about us to the boss.” Jessie leans against the aisle, just out of the way of the ceramic warzone. “Isn’t that right?”
He pauses, surprised. “Would that work?”
“No,” she says, quickly, before he can get any crazy ideas. “He wouldn’t fire us, anyway. Though it may not seem like it, we are his best employees.”
“Not according to that stuck-up Persian, meow,” Meowth says mournfully. “But he just don’t know what’s good for him, that’s all.”
The kid sweeps a couple pieces up, then stops. His nose scrunches up. “He’s got a Persian?”
“My thoughts, exactly, meow.”
“What’s it matter to you?” Jessie tries to keep her tone casual despite the gnawing curiosity at her; from the way he glances up at her, she’s pretty sure she fails. “You talk like you know the guy or something.”
He sweeps once, twice, then shrugs. “Not exactly.”
James watches him, disdainful, then surges forward and snatches the broom from him. In no time at all, the ceramic shards have been swept away; the kid remains where he was, shoulders slumping.
“You’d think you’ve never done household chores before.” James stands back and admires his effortless work. “Spotless, isn’t it? That’s how it’s done, kid.”
“Uh…okay. Thanks. Anyway, I’d better—”
“Not so fast.” Jessie reaches an arm out to stop him before he can get close enough to grab Pikachu from her. Predictably, he shoots her a dirty look, which she steadfastly ignores. “Look, kid, you’ve obviously got something to say to our boss, so just spit it out already and we’ll decide if it’s worth the trouble, all right?”
He blinks. “Really?” Just as quickly, his lips turn down in a suspicious frown. “What’s it matter to you, though? Do I really have to pay for all this?”
James grimaces at that. It’s far from the first time the kid has broken merchandise, and he’s gotten away with it every other time.
“No,” Jessie says, a little impatiently. “Who cares? With how little we’re paid around here, I know they can afford to replace it. That’s not the point. You saved our necks from Bitch”—“Jess, it’s Butch,” James whispers, which she waves off with a roll of the eyes—“this time, so now we owe you one. You don’t even want to know the kind of ridiculous talking-tos he and stupid Cassidy try to give us all the time. I’d rather die than have to sit through another one.”
He considers this for a moment. “And you can take me to meet your boss? For real?”
“If you give us a good reason,” Jessie corrects, although she can’t imagine any reason good enough to disturb Giovanni.
And then the kid gives her one: “I’ve been tryna find my dad and your boss is the only one who can help me. I’ve never met him and this is my only shot.”
Jessie looks back on most of her childhood bitterly, but she remembers perfectly well what it was like waiting around for a parent who just couldn’t show up. And, dammit, if she doesn’t kind of sympathize with the brat.
“How can you be so sure?” James prods. “There’s no one else at all?”
He shakes his head. “I’ve done lots of research. My mom doesn’t talk much about my dad, so I had to take things into my own hands, and this is all I’ve got. So you see why it’s important? I’ve gotta talk to him.”
“Wow, kid.” Meowth sniffles. “That’s touching, meow. But the boss ain’t so friendly to strangers, meow. Might not be such a good idea.”
“I have to meet him,” the kid insists. “He’ll definitely want to talk to me if you just give me a chance to try.”
Jessie exchanges a look with James, who shrugs helplessly at her. She turns back to the kid.
“How do we know you’ll behave yourself?” she asks. “And your little friend here?”
“We promise, right, Pikachu?”
Pikachu stirs in Jessie’s arms, gives an affirmative but somewhat slurred “Pika” in response, then settles back down to doze off again.
She sighs. “Fine, then. We’ll take you to him, but don’t make me regret it.”
The kid grins. “Awesome! Thanks, uh, Jessie. And James.”
James blanches. “Now you’re on our side? After months of torment?”
“If I’d known I just needed to ask real nice, I would’ve tried that sooner.” His smile turns sheepish. “I thought you’d take me to him if I caused enough trouble, though.”
“The boss considers things that go on down here trivial matters,” Jessie tells him. “What’s your name, kid? He’ll want to know who he’s talking to.”
“My name’s Ash,” he says. “Ash Ketchum, from Pallet Town.”
Pallet Town? That little dump? It must be important to him if he’s coming all the way to Viridian City every day just to trash their store. Come to think of it, Jessie’s never even seen him buy anything here. Maybe she ought to rethink that payment offer.
But this too, she figures, is above her paygrade. So she keeps her mouth shut and waves their entourage forward. As she punches in her code to the staff door, she wills her legs to steady themselves, though to little avail. Few things truly terrify her, but Giovanni easily tops the list.
They are silent as they march up the stairs to his office, in a way that Jessie tries not to think is awfully reminiscent of a funeral procession. She doesn’t allow herself to think twice before knocking, and even manages to muster up an authentic-looking smile when the door opens ominously before her.
Giovanni sits ahead of her, not having moved an inch. How he opened the door, she has no idea; she can only assume it’s magic, which of course he of all people would surely possess in spades.
“What do you want?” he demands.
“Why, you have a visitor, sir! I know you don’t like to be interrupted when you’re working, but he assured us you wouldn’t mind this one time and, well, so we brought him up to see you and—”
“You were wrong,” he says coldly. “Leave at once, before you regret it. Don’t think a measly little Pikachu will change my mind.”
Jessie starts; she nearly forgot about Pikachu, still nestled in her arms. She hastens to give it back to Ash, telling Giovanni, “Oh, no, no, we wouldn’t bring you such a wimpy Pokémon, sir! This Pikachu belongs to the boy—your visitor—Ash Ketchum!”
Pikachu becomes alert right along with Giovanni. As Giovanni’s eyes flick over to Ash, Pikachu seems to raise its hackles. Its cheeks begin to spark.
“Ketchum,” Giovanni repeats. “Now there’s a name I’ve not heard in quite some time.”
Ash steps into the room, leaving Jessie, James, and Meowth in the doorway. Persian circles out from behind the desk, cold eyes surveying the boy and his Pikachu. James grabs on to Jessie’s arm for support and she is too stunned by the scene before them to tell him off for his strength of his grip.
“So it’s true,” Ash says. “You do know my mom.”
“Delia?” His lips twitch. “Oh, yes. We have quite the history, but it sounds like you know all about that now, don’t you?”
With his chest puffed out like that, Ash looks a lot less like the mischievous little kid Jessie and James have been cleaning up after for weeks now and more like a seasoned trainer about to prove his title and his worth. Suddenly, Jessie’s not so sure her earlier evaluation of Pikachu was all that accurate.
“I talked to lots of people, but I figured it out.” There’s a note of pride in his tone, which seems to amuse Giovanni, though Jessie can’t possibly imagine how. “There’s just one thing I still haven’t got.”
“And what is that?”
“She always told me my dad left to go on a Pokémon journey. Is that true?”
Giovanni pauses. If anything, he just looks more amused by this. He says, “I suppose, in a sense.”
Ash jerks his head toward Persian. “This is your Pokémon, isn’t it?”
“Yes. One of many others, but by far my most loyal companion.”
“Ouch,” mumbles Meowth, “that’s real low, meow.”
“There, there, old chum,” James soothes. “He doesn’t truly mean it.”
Jessie doubts that, but whatever helps Meowth fall asleep at night, she supposes.
“But I checked the registry,” Ash goes on, “and I never saw your name anywhere.”
Giovanni watches him for a long moment, stock-still. Ash doesn’t so much as waver under the intensity of his gaze.
At last, he relaxes, just a bit. “You’ll find,” he says slowly, “some things are better left forgotten about. Now, I’m sure the last thing you want is a job at this store. It might do you well to forget a few things yourself, if you truly care for your Pokémon.”
“Whaddya mean by that?” Ash asks indignantly. “I’ve been looking for you my whole life and I thought—”
“Then, you thought wrong,” Giovanni says smoothly. “You’ve got your own journey ahead of you, haven’t you?”
“Well, sure, but—”
“Then, forget about Rocket’s and get on with it. There are better things to waste your time with.”
Jessie’s jaw is beginning to ache from the way it’s hanging open, but she just can’t bring herself to clamp it shut; a glance over at James confirms he’s thinking the same thing she is:
What the hell has gotten into him?
“What’s so bad about this place?” Ash presses. “That Punch guy seems a little rude, but—”
“Don’t mistake that for an invitation,” Giovanni warns. “You will leave here and forget about it. Your mother did not tell you the whole truth, Ash Ketchum, or I’m sure she would have made sure you never got this far. I imagine she has her reasons. Me, I’m simply trying to…manage my business, as you can see. I haven’t the time for you.”
Ash’s mouth slams closed. He grinds his teeth together, obviously frustrated.
“Go on, then. Leave now, and I’ll forgot all your little transgressions in my store. Don’t think I haven’t noticed all the stock going down with no sales to account for it.”
Jessie shuffles on her feet, uncomfortably aware of how pointed those words are. She mentally begs the kid to just drop it and go.
No such thing happens.
“That’s not fair! Won’t you even try? I’m your son!”
Wait.
What?
James’s hold on Jessie tightens. She hisses and swats at him until he loosens up again, though he still looks like he’s seen a ghost, which…she can kind of get, actually.
“I’m hearin’ things,” Meowth’s whispers. “Tell me I’m hearin’ things, meow.”
“You’re hearing things,” James whispers back, dazed.
In their shock, they’ve missed Giovanni’s response, but it is enough to have Ash turning on his heel and storming out of the office. He pushes past the three of them without so much as a “Pardon me.” In his absence, Giovanni’s eyes lock on to them.
Jessie gulps.
“You’d best forget about this whole thing too,” he says darkly. “Keep an eye out for the kid if he comes back, because I’m sure he will, but whatever you think you heard here, you didn’t. Understood?”
“Y-yes, sir!” they all chorus.
“Good. Now, get out of here.”
They don’t need to be told twice; they scurry back down the stairs, only able to breathe once there are three doors between them and Giovanni and his wicked Persian.
To Jessie’s surprise, Ash is still hanging around near the staff door, and he looks up at them with an expression Jessie knows all too well.
“What a jerk,” he bites out. “I can’t believe you guys work for someone like that.”
“Hey,” James protests, “it’s not the best job in the world, but it pays the bills. Sometimes.”
“Not exactly daddy material, though,” Jessie allows. “Look, twerp, he may seem like a jerk, but he’s got the right idea. In his own way, it sounds like he’s trying to protect you. Some of his business is a little, well…”
“Shady,” Meowth supplies.
“I know that,” Ash says. “I really did talk to lots of people to find him, and most of ‘em didn’t have much nice to say, but I was hopin’ he’d prove ‘em wrong. Guess I shouldn’t’ve.”
“Pi-ka,” Pikachu puts in, with the tone of someone saying I told you so.
Ash scowls. “Yeah, whatever. Hey, I was wondering something.”
Jessie raises an eyebrow at that. ��And you think we know the answer?”
“I don’t see why you wouldn’t.”
“Well…okay, then. Shoot.”
“Just how much stuff would I have to break before it started causin’ issues?”
James winces. “I don’t like the sounds of that. Too much sweeping makes my back ache, you know.”
Jessie hums in thought, though. “Well, kitchenware is expensive, but electronics are even more expensive, you know, and that’s not either of our departments, so no one could really blame us for anything bad that might happen there.”
Ash’s eyes light up. “Electronics, huh? Well, all right. Why don’t we go check it out, Pikachu?”
Pikachu perks up at that. Jessie has started to get the sense that, as cute as it looks, the little rat really does enjoy destroying things for the sake of it.
“Awesome, let’s go!” Ash turns around, then stops. Glances back at Jessie, James, and Meowth. “Hey, uh…thanks a lot. I know I’ve been a nuisance, but you were a real help today. I really didn’t mean to bother all of ya so much.”
“No harm done,” Jessie says cheerfully. “See you around, twerp.”
With her blessing, he races off. He’s making a beeline straight for Cassidy’s department.
“All’s well that ends well, I suppose, meow.”
Before either Jessie or James can respond, Cassidy’s shrill voice comes in over the radio:
“We’ve got an electric Pokémon loose here! Someone deal with it before it causes real damage!”
Jessie giggles. “Like music to my ears.” Into the radio, she says, “Sorry, but I’ve got my own department to look after. Surely you can handle one scrawny little rat?”
There’s no reply, which is the best outcome Jessie could have asked for. Maybe things will be a little different without the twerp around making things interesting for them, but she gets the sense things are going to be a lot more fun around here for a while.
#dont ask me how this turned into a whole ass fic but it did#one of the stupidest things ive ever written but i had fun. it took me a long time to make the bitch joke but im glad i squeezed it in ther#*fic#*reqs#pokemon#anipoke#pokeani#team rocket#i dont know how to write giovanni help#mine#i hope you know that i was imagining the layout of canadian tire the entire time i was writing this lmao
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TRIGGER WARNING. this talks about the movie “Tusk” (body horror movie) if youve never seen pictures or heard about this, i highly recommend NOT!!!! searching it up. im being so on god it takes a lot of time to get used to its like human centipede, absolutely grotesque
ill never get why people shit on the movie “Tusk” so much. is it horrific? absolutely! is it sad? yeah man go ahead say that, and it absolutely is gross. but thats the point, it’s supposed to disturb people. and the funny thing is this was based entirely off a podcast where some guys talked about this video about someone pretending to be a walrus. its stupid, and thats the point. the costume design is absolutely immaculate and im the one to appreciate stuff like that because it really is so great. if you’ve watched the documentary on making the movie, you’ve seen how happy everyone was to be apart of this even if it was probably one of the stupidest movies ever created, but then again that was the point. Ive seen SO many Kevin Smith fans put this movie on the bottom of their tier list and i literally dont get it, its a satire movie meant to scare the living shit out of the viewers and they obviously succeeded in that because when i first saw clips of it i stayed awake at night until like 3 AM💀 Now i own the physical copy of the movie, multiple walrus items and it’s literally became one of my special interests,,,,, there was TONS of warnings by other viewers that people could’ve easily read before watching a disgusting body horror movie about a walrus. they got Justin Long to act as the main character and wear that stupid walrus suit and he looked so happy doing that, even for the purpose of making a movie that would obviously be hated. and the creators knew this before making the movie, they were aware that it would be controversial and slandered but they still did it because it’s supposed to be satire!!!!! im not saying you gotta like this movie because obviously its not everyone’s thing, but people should stop treating it like its the worst piece of cinema ever made because there’s obviously worse stuff. trust me there are so many other body horror movies with similar themes and plots to tusk, tusk isn’t necessarily as unique as some people say it is. people who enjoy the movie aren’t trying to be “edgy” or “different” and stuff like that, its a fictional satire movie about a walrus with Justin Long’s face on it, and its one of the stupidest things ever written, but the very small fanbase really appreciates how obscure it is
(this is so tumblr of me im turning into a true tumblr user)
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HEY FELLAS I NEED TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT SOMETHING REALLY IMPORTANT (or well its important to me so. do whatever you wish with this information lmao)
i wanna show you something thats high key kinda cool actually
we did this today
now, to you this may not seem like much of a big deal. "oh wow a ship tag reaches 100 works on ao3, thats like every day"
except its not every day. not in this fandom, not with rare pairs, especially not with this one lmao. out of these 100 uploads, at the moment, 94% of them are literally just done by two people, yours truly and my blessed partner in crime @midnightpretenders0 💜 there are others, and bless their hearts and incredible fics, but seriously just.. i hate tooting my own horn but without our contribution this ship would be in single digits still very likely
theres just something about this that makes me really proud idk. that we ever got this far. having this ship be one of the few, i believe, in the aew tag that reaches in triple digits of fics. that i have such an incredible co-writer without who none of this would have been possible. without who i wouldnt be still writing and trying to create even nearly to the degree that i am. its just... power of friendship and being completely insanely delusional over our favorite blorbos making out ya know? 💜💜💜
im just feeling a lot of things right now but yeah. peep some fics in there. theres so much good stuff, which feels very selfish to say LMAO but its true tho. we got this far for a reason
anyways i love you all im just. very proud. of us. of bugs. of myself. just keeping this fucking thing up no matter what. god i dont. this is the stupidest post ive ever written and such a stupid thing to be proud of but who gives a shit after all this fucking effort this deserves to be said
💜💜💜
#..not to mention this is just a fraction of things that were actually uploaded to ao3. theres still loads more lmao#but those are a thing for another time if at all so. heres to a hundred. maybe more in the future#cheers i just wanted to be an emotional bastard for a while sorry not sorry LMAO#night is an absolute mess on main
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this english final has got to be one of the stupidest things ive ever written in my life
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can we get more coach content ?? :D
teared up seeing this in my inbox /pos
get ready for way too many words...
I never had any ocs that stuck around before making coach for the stupidest crack fic with my friends,, so idrk how this is supposed to work but whatever. He isn't a very nuanced character yet, but he'll get there eventually.
on the google doc for planning False-hearted (the insane crack fic) this is what was written for coach a while back
"Coach: (deals with some behind the scene shit and plans “plays” to do in battle) {Boss Man} He plans plays for battle but also is in battle observing and making plans on the spot- like we all have radios and hes armed creepin around being like oooooo we got an abandoned sentry ill get that which opens up a space for someone else to come in and yada yada u get the idea (long story short i'm specifying that he gets a gun and gets to be in battle cause teehee silly) YOOOO HE CAN LIKE TRAIN THE MERCS N SHIT BY ANALYSIZING THEIR SKILLS IN BATTLE AND SEEING WHAT TGET CAN WORK OJ AND RAAGGHH cuz they got that training gym area right? coach the personal trainer lol"
Also have I mentioned its a self-insert? I think I may have just said oc but no yeah this guy is just me.
in terms of who this guy is, he gets along well with pretty much everyone, bullies scout like a brother a lot tho. no hard feelings ofc. since a very young age he had a lot of pressure and responsibility dropped on him, so while he is immature and messing around sometimes, he is wary of being too obnoxious, is never vulnerable with others, and puts up this false rigid cool leader guy persona. For now at least.
He may not talk to others about his emotions or whats going on with him, but he doesnt just bottle it up and never think about it. Hes got an over analytical brain and has looked into every single thing hes ever done or said and seems to truly understand so very much about himself. Hes knows the issues he has but cant bring himself to fix them because that takes being vulnerable and brave. Some things he cant be. He appears brave to others in your typical "do whatever it takes to help others and jump into action without worry" way tho.
In terms of backstory and what growing up was like? I havent decided yet lol
theres some older posts on my page under the false-hearted tag to (maybe???) give you more context of the strange world this guy is in.
heres pretty much every time ive drawn coach 👍👍im still working on figuring out his exact features so theyre pretty inconsistent.
quick sketch n colour
this one is inspired but an amazing song "La guerra di Piero" by Fabrizio De André
another sketch, and some images i cooked up for sending as reaction images to friends. (Coach brutally killing Blu scout with scouts own bat, and then coach being the innocent kid he is)
#ty so so so much for asking this#and sorry if this makes no sense#i mean he was created to be a character in smth that makes no sense sooo#tf2#false-hearted#moochiposts#my art
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my thoughts on Isabella
She was just some fucking creep who was a fan of Ed’s crimes
Ed didn’t believe it/thought it was ok
My headcannon is that Isabella is really just some radnom girl who saw Ed on tv while oswald was running for mayor and just became absolutely obsessed with him to the point she got surgery to look like kristan. Giving her the benifit of the doubt she was probably already into riddlers and stuff and she was just some radnom girl determined to get Ed to fall in love with her to make her self perfect enough to be everything he could ever want and his soul mate. Something that has That has always bothered me is that Oswald is extremely smart, and Ed is a FORSENIC SCEIENCTIST!! Getting one of his goons to cut Isabella’s break line is the stupidest and most out of character shit iv ever heard. It would be SO easily tracked back to oswald. And I genuinely believe that while oswald was obviously upset he wasn’t planning on killing Isabella. We’ve seen that oswald had a short temper and acts very impulsively and irrationally if put in the right position. I do not at all think he planned to kill Isabella, he got mad and it was a heat of the moment thing and he just stabbed her and minorly freaked out at the thought Ed would find out but mostly relieved so he didn’t have to worry about her anymore and he could get back to Ed. I assume he covered all of his tracks after murdering Isabella but again Ed is a forsenic scientist so he didn’t have much of a chnace of hiding the murder long. Isabella admitted to oswald that she’s just a girl obsessed with Ed would give os the motive to impulsively kill her and at this time Ed isn’t thinking straight and it is understandable when he isn’t in his right mind that he could still think that Isabella was his sole mate and wouldn’t care about her changing herself for him, in fact with the way Ed is written during this season he may even be happy that someone got plastic surgery to look like his ex. This would atleast lend some credit to how oswald felt it was insane and actually explain the plot point because I will never in 1 million years believe that ransoming there was a girl who loved riddles and was literally perfect for Ed in every way and also looked exactly like his ex that he killed normally. Like that doesn’t happen. My explanation can still have the whole Ed killing os thing make sense and not be absolutely ridiculous. Hope this rambling makes sense because I have a lot more of it
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Immediately before the second show i am on the hotel tv switching between the film fargo and episodes of wwe rivals. Latter had ads and the former didnt though so I kinda ditched austin bret for the last 45 minutes of fargo, even though ive seen fargo two times already. One thing on austin bret before I move on is they showed that clip where bret finally comes out end of sentence no when bret finally comes out and austin and pillman are backstage and bret is like ok fine lets have a mania match 🙄 and pillman looks sooo happy and austin looks at him like he is the stupidest son of a bitch hes ever seen and pillman is like oh ok sorry . Just all in facial expressions, so good. I love pillman so much, I wish he wasnt caught up in one of the worst angles ive ever heard of before he died. Im sure there are worse ones, just that ive heard of. I’m new here, I dont fucking know anything.
I was row 3 for this show, pretty much directly in front of linnell. I need to ask him if he was smiling at me forgetting the lyrics to fucking birdhouse in your soul or something else. Conflicting reports on whether danny was playing with a broken foot (show 1) or ankle (show 2), but ive always been enamored with his stage presence on synopsis for latecomers especially, hes kinda 😳 a little bit. Birdhouse second is..bizarre, I am aching pretty bad right now and I still wish I couldve jumped to the greatest song ever written. Moonbeam rays is so nice. Bangs is kind of rhythmically complex, awesome song and awesome that they played it, tune, etc. Man its so loud in here continues to be the greatest song of all time. Mink car song is so smooth, what a cool track. Marty triangle. Oghhhghgh dont even get me started on cyclops rock, it’s like the only reason I went to these shows. I’m just kidding id see them all the time if I could, but I FUCKING LOVE CYCLOPS ROCK, IT GOES SO HARD and I relate to the lyrics a lot and I literally TOLD YOU HOW TO CYCLOPS ROCK, AND THEN YOU GO AND TURN AROUND AND BREAK MY HEART. He did the original nixon line too which is so fucking awesome, best song ever methinks. I cant believe it took this long for me to hear older live, but it was almost worth the wait, what a cool fucking song, so good live. I wasnt at a great angle to see the Damn Good Times Dan Miller Balcony Guitar Solo but after it flans said “dan miller, the peoples guitarist” or something and I laughed really hard. Also incredible that theyre calling this show the big show sometimes . WEEEEEELLL
I hate bottled water so much but a tickle in my throat kept waking me up the night before. OH MY GOD, THEY PLAYED SUBLIMINAL AGAIN. Flans was actually a little far away but he came to the right for darlings of lumberland, oh god he was so close . Of all songs! Then I got to scream THE STICK at him, how surreal and also fulfilling. Dont lets start is the best song ever. Fuck, this famous polka had someone in the crowd strumming flansys guitar 😍. St paul fucking loves join us, apparently. Doctor worm is still the best song ever. Encore 1 started with istanbul just the two of them!!!??? They make each other laugh so much, I love them i love them i love them. I know i said spy gets better every time but this was the lesser of the weekends spies. I think he did the sound of the 30s bit last time at the fitz, lol. Did i mention that the end of the tour is the best song ever. SHES ACTUAL SIZE ON THE SETLIST BUT NOT PLAYED??? Also, im beyond just a little pissed off they didnt play bills bills bills. They did at the show i didnt fucking see.
But not to end on a bad note, I love they might be giants so much, I dont even care that it feels like my calves will never not be sore.
Actually im gonna end on the episode i got back to the hotel to was rock austin, and they had the clip where austins on the titantron like when your pager says 3:16 that means im about to whoop your ass, Or whatever tf and rock takes out his pager and does his stupid giant wide eyed rock look and turns around and does indeed get his ass whooped. Possibly greatest moment in all of television
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im just gonna type this post out bc no one will see it (dante and olivia might) but I just need these thoughts to be expressed. online. into the screaming void of the internet which is of course not a screaming void but whatever whatever
sometimes I feel so like. unbalanced in love. Like. its interesting and also maybe terrible? Its like I get love in giant hits but never consistently. And its all different types of love too and never at the same time, so it never like. it never really feels like i'm FULL on love. Like theres that one piece of writing from a cql fanfic, fuck, wait, let me find it
"Wei Ying has always had a heart that could swallow the universe whole, that would teeter over the precipice dividing love and war and leap blindly. He had resigned himself to the likelihood that no one would ever quite feel for him as he felt for them." I think thats by afterwords by silkwings but im pretty sure they deleted their fic
I just feel greedy for it sometimes, I feel starving for love, I feel like scrabbling at scraps for love. And sometimes (not all the time, sometimes) I feel like "no one would ever feel for [me] as [i] feel for them"
at the same time though i'm NOT scrabbling at scraps of love, i'm NOT.
I'm given love pretty consistently. When olivia and I have our silly little talks about dr who or er or temeraire thats just. well thats just olivia and I. thats the love we have. we talk and I love it and we can talk about the stupidest things but its just. its just a chance to hear each others voice and to say "hey I love you. talk to me about something that matters to you and I will listen."
and the same goes for dante but I feel like I am not sharing an interest with him and i'm seriously considering getting into lego boats or something just so we can share that. not out of guilt or anything like obligation. i just love talking to dante. I love sharing interests with him. I love when he talks abt the things he likes. and dante always responds to me with so much empathy and understanding. Whenever I have a bad time dante is like yeah bud I get you. I honestly feel like a tiny bit bad that i'm not into boats bc I can just see how much joy that brings dante and like...I wanna get in on that.
And like. again I am given love. Best example is mumma messaging me recently and just basically saying "oh, yeah, my first book is dedicated to you. You didn't know that? of course it was."
but in a way, way nicer phrasing, and in little shared pieces of jargon just between us. I cried on the train home yesterday.
I'm so rich in love from these people.
and sometimes my coworker lena, who cracks my back and hums "damn that sucks" when I complain about my rotten family. Shes brilliant she really gives as much as she can to love me its just.
But who else do I have? yknow? I know there are orher people who love me but who do I TRUST to love me? Who can I even LET love me? Certainly not my biofam. They don't even know me. It's never enough it will never be enough.
As much as my Mumma will love every poem and every story ive ever written, and how she will shower me with praise, and be proud of me just for getting out of bed and staying alive, I want Sheila Monahan to apologize, fuck, I want her to BEG for my forgiveness for how she treated me.
just like in general:
(apologize for hitting me. Apologize for smacking a vaccuum cord around my knees when I was like. 10, idk. apologize for constantly calling me a bitch or a cunt when I was in high school. I deserve so, SO many apologies from her. apologize for the time you saw me do poetry in front of 4k people and asked "when can i leave?")
AND HEY, SHEILA, APOLOGIZE FOR HITTING AND CALLING ME A MEAN BITCH ON MY FIRST SLEIGH BELLS CONCERT. I've never been to a bells concert since them and my only memory of them is tainted by you calling me a cunt. Sheila. you suck.
but the apology I want the most is just. Sorry I never listened to your writing. I just want my biomom to tell me my writing is lovely. Bc its the thing im good at, i'm ALWAYS good at writing. And when I did yearbook she never even read it.
At least my dad read it. I still don't trust that man, I think he's a coward for allowing my mother to be terrible to me, but he read my words, and liked them.
yearbook was beautiful. yearbook was a work of art I will never replicate.
And the people that matter love it. Olivia and dante have seen it and read it and love it.
My biological father actually loves it very much. He says it's rockstar material. He was gonna show it to his coworkers.
But Sheila didnt even read it. She didnt even read the parts where i tried to commit suicie multiple times. bc if she did she might have cornered me.
But god. I just think.
what a horrible family I have that my father will allow my mother to ignore my attempts.
What awful people.
what deeply awful humans.
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im not a reddit refugee, but ill be damned if ill pass up a tag game and the opportunity to rant about smth :)
1. Name? Jason (or Jace for short) (idk take your pick ¯\_(ツ)_/¯)
2. Pronouns and gender? he/they; i often use trans to refer to myself but im thinking of shaking things up a bit
3. Sexuality? idk gay ig
4. Country? Somewhere in the faraway land of Europe
5. Top 5 fandoms? rn im really into star trek, malevolent, Gaining Information On Whatever Topic, Supernatual (ive still got to finish it), old books (as in books that were printed/ written a long time ago and were kept through decades n shit and now ive somehow got access to them and that so cool) — also i feel like im forgetting something Big but i cant put my finger on it so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
6. What is your Most forbidden snack? smoked trout w honey
7. Would you pet a bug? UH YES WHEN WOULD I NOT PET A BUG???????
8. Share a weird fact/ story about yourself with the class. okay so this one time we (me and my family) were over at my grandparents for easter and when we arrived my grandma was preparing this lamb for cooking. now i need you to get me straight. it was a LAMB. a WHOLEASS SKINNED LAMB. (literally everyone was like “who is going to eat that much meat” and my grandmother was like “:0 dunno. people”) and she was taking out the head and my brain thought: “omg theres a lamb skull underneath all that meat” and THAT led to me asking my grandma “can i keep the skull” to which my grandma paused and had to ask me twice if i wanted the skull cuz she wouldnt have thought in 15363892 years id be wanting to keep that. and thats how i spent two days skinning and cleaning the skull i have on my shelf now :) (this is also the first time i tasted lamb brain and eyes)
9. What does the colour blue taste like? deep. square. its got lots of flavour. but not the pale/pastel blues
10. What is the most beutiful thing you’ve ever seen? this one time i was cycling on a hill and i looked at the view and it was so fucking beautiful and peaceful and pretty and i had to stop because in that moment i genuinely couldnt believe i lived there. i couldnt believe i was that close to this view, that i could go touch it if i wanted to. just 15 minutes away and i couldve swam in that shining lake, in 30 minutes and a hike i could be on those mountains. it was sunny and there were few clouds and i was on a thin path in the side of this hill, the grass was long and uncut, and there was a green tree on the right side, a house on the left, quite a bit away, but it was the serenity and quietude of the moment that made me realize where i was, if ykwim
11. What is the stupidest thing you’ve ever done? this is not a moment in particular, but just in general, i sometimes Dont Get what people want from me. for example, this one time i was a bit late handing in this form to a teacher, so i went up to him, handed it to him, apologized and told him why i was late, etc etc. but right before i left, he was looking at me expectantly and asked me: “so what do we say now?” and i was like. what. because i genuinely did not know what he wanted from me. so i spent a good couple of seconds sating back at him and going over our conversation again and what his question might refer to. i was certain i had apologized, so i figured out he mustve wanted me to explain why i was late. maybe he hadnt understood/heard the first time, yk? so i explained again and he was perplexed and my friend was looking at me like “whatthefuck?”. i knew i hadnt said what i was supposed to but i didnt know what else to say??????? so my friend leaned in and whispered that i needed to apologize, to which i was like “OHHHHHH” and i apologized and left but that conversation is still confusing me to this day.
12. Stupidest thing you’ve seen/heard someone do/say? *forgets every memory of other people i’ve ever had* oh i watched a flat earth debate once. i think that sums up this answer nicely
13. Hyperfixation song? ooh so lately ive been listening to a lot more will wood songs. but rn ive got a made-up remix of “Tomcat Disposables” and “Memento Mori: The most important thing in the world” (both by will wood) playing in my head
14. Is there any meaning behind your profile picture and/ or username? i was making an account on tumblr and there was this annoying mosquito in my room that kept buzzing (as mosquitoes do) and i was like: “what if I was the annoying mosquito?” and then for the pfp i googled “mosquito memes” and thought this one was hilarious
15. Dream career as a child? writer
16. Dream career as an adult? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ smth to do with maths and physics but i dont know exactly what
17. Thoughts on cilantro? i prefer parsley but cilantros nice
18. Have you ever been banned from location and if so, why? no i havent been banned from anywhere (yet)
19. What is your cursed food combination? not THAT cursed, also not cursed in a bad way, but: hard polenta (meaning that after it cools you can cut it in slices) with jam
20. Trans rights? |||||||||| ||||||||||
i sadly dont know of any other people that come from r/196 so if youre from r/196 and want to introduce yourself: go right ahead :)) id love to hear from yall
“I just came from r/196” ask game
Saw another post. I think I should invite y'all to one of our longstanding traditions. Answer the questions then tag 10 (or more) people. I'll go first.
Name? Frankie
Pronouns and gender? he/they/it, transmasc
Sexuality? Lesbian
Country? USA
Top 5 fandoms? Bungou Stray Dogs, Cosmere, All for the Game, Fundiesnark (not a series but I'm too deep in it to not consider it a fandom), .....the tornado fandom? (they're my special interest)
What is your Most forbidden snack? The preserved bones at the Atlanta Bodies Exhibition. They looked so crunchy...
Would you pet a bug? If it's big enough, it is pettable.
Share a weird fact/story about yourself with the class. I like to drive around rural areas and photograph old, sometimes abandoned locations in the dead of night. I have been literally chased out of towns by foot and by car on two separate occasions. The second time this happened, "See You Again" by Miley Cyrus came up on shuffle and that's the soundtrack my friend and I tore out of town to. Also every "guy" I've dated except for my most recent ex (who has big egg energy) is a lesbian now.
What does the color blue taste like? Creme brulee
What is the most beautiful thing you've ever seen? The appalachian mountains of Tennessee in the middle of summer. There's kudzu everywhere. On the backroads, there were several old, dilapidated Baptist churches barely hanging to the side of the mountain. I wonder how many of them were still in use.
What is the stupidest thing you've ever done? Short version: my friend's house almost got broken into by this dude who'd been stalking us for months while we were home alone. Instead of calling the cops, we decided to confront him with a bow and arrow (me), a hatchet, and a baseball bat (him). The plan was that if it went badly, we would simply throw his corpse into one of the many lakes in the neighborhood and let the alligators eat his remains (this was Florida). Why? Because we were afraid of having our home-alone privileges revoked. Luckily for us all, the guy fucked off and we never saw him again.
Stupidest thing you've seen/heard someone else do/say? My ex thought that Jackalopes were real. Also, a nurse I was doing rotations with apparently thought that "Witness Protection" was for Jehovah's Witnesses.
Hyperfixation song? Young Enough + Bleach by Charly Bliss
Is there any meaning behind your profile picture and/or username? Profile pic; I'm transmasc and I'm currently obsessed with TriStamp. Username; It was my fake internet name when I was like 13. I won't change it because I want my mutuals to recognize me, and because I do have a viral post associated with this name.
Dream career as a child? Doctor (funnily enough I'm now in nursing school)
Dream career as an adult? Professional Jester. Not a comedian. I just want to be some weird little guy who dresses silly and you can hire me to roast your boss at work parties.
Thoughts on cilantro? Delicious
Have you ever been banned from a location and if so, why? I honestly can't remember? Probably... but in recent memory I've mainly banned people from places.
What is your cursed food combination? Pineapple on a hotdog with grilled onions. It Slaps.
Trans rights? TRANS RIGHTS
Tagging: @rocket-mankoi @mostlymarco @atleast8courics @jazzlike39 @gemsweater72 @limbobilbo @ameliaaltare @redcrane112 @theoneofwhomisblue @twinkenjoyer @theultimatecarp and anyone else who wants to jump on
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Modern!AU Perbell/Bellseus (Bell x Perseus) ideas
NOTE: This AU idea doesn't reflect the author's political leaning, and the AU is not meant to be taken seriously, so please refrain from making quick assumptions about the author. The concept in this AU is purely just for fluff + comedy purposes, and truly has no hidden agenda whatsoever. The author's sole intention in this AU is to capture the wackiness of the political fandom in social media spaces, especially on Twitter. Please, be civil and kind to others, and have a good day to everyone
Ok instead of your usual coffee shop, flower shop or tattoo shop AU, how about a social media!AU, but make it a little bit political. Not only there's age gap relationship, but there's also clout gap relationship for extra humor 😀 Also I made this fluffy AU because I'm trying to future-proof myself to cope with Perseus' inevitable death in a few years if Cold War 2 eventually becomes confirmed sdgfgshdsjsk
More under the cut, buckle up fellas because it's a looooong one
Perseus 👤
👤 Is a very famous, left-leaning political commentator, media host and bestselling author
👤 Is also a retired military general, so his current career choice as an outspoken public figure really ruffled some feathers in the government's top branches, because he's collected quite a bit of dirt on a lot of them during his time in the service 😈
👤 Also has his own podcast and YouTube channel
👤 Initial Twitter follower count: 800,000+ followers (verified of course)
👤 But his follower count jumped to 950K+ in two weeks after he went on Twitch (through Bell's suggestion) and played video games with other famous streamers and some politicians for charity streams (think casual multiplayer games like Among Us or Fall Guys etc.)
👤 It jumped to 50K+ more in ten days after Bell took a picture of him wearing cat ears and posted it in his account
👤 His tweets always go viral (30K+ likes) at least twice a month
👤 His recent activities really made his peers question his credibility, but he doesn't mind it that much because he's all in it for the clout glad that because of him, more people especially the youth are becoming more aware of the importance of gaining political knowledge, and how it could benefit them, the environment and the future generations
👤 One day, he decided to shave his mustache because he felt like it, and after that (again, a suggestion by Bell) he posted a picture of his clean-shaven face on Twitter, as a heads-up for his fans before he had to go live on a morning talk show in a few days (if it wasn't for the mustache, he actually has Paul Rudd syndrome where he doesn't look a day above mid 40s, when in reality he's approaching 60 in a couple of years)
👤 Turns out, that post went super viral (thanks to the thirsty side of Twitter) and the day he went to the interview on the live talk show it became the most-watched episode in the show's 25+ years of history 😂 (that episode also becomes viral on YouTube, raking in a million views in three days)
👤 Bell actually predicted this outcome all along, and genuinely enjoyed reading, from their couch, all the thousands of people's live thirst-tweets on Perseus while he was on air (there's a looot of tweets asking Perseus to make an OnlyFans account)😳
👤 Now before all of this happened, almost a quarter of Perseus' fanbase was already consisted of thirsty people, but the sudden influx of followers caused the thirsty ratio to go up to 75%, beating the percentage of followers who are genuine fans of his commentaries 😂
👤 Perseus on live TV: *Destroys his debate opponent with facts and logics™*
👤 Perseus back at home, crying on Bell's lap: He called me a mean name on live tv….😢😭😭😭😭
👤 Final Twitter follower count: 1.6 million followers 🤣 (still verified)
👤 Silently prided himself as being ~not like the other boomers~ because of his ease and knowhow with current tech devices, almost better than your average millennial or Gen Z (Bell really likes and appreciates this part of him because they don't have to explain to him what VPN is and how important it is to use it)
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Perseus in his home office: *sets up the camera, lighting and PC by himself for the Twitch stream*
Bell: Oh hey, do you need help with installing OBS and Steam?
Perseus: *gives Bell a stink eye*😒
Bell: Sorry, no disrespect. I forgot that you're not a ~regular boomer~ 😏
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Bell 🔔
🔔 PhD graduate in information security
🔔 Works as a senior consultant in a tech company
🔔 Met Perseus on their campus when they were doing their PhD studies (he was a guest speaker for a university event at that time) and they became close acquaintance in no time
🔔 Has no other social media accounts except for Twitter (Bell's friends forced them to make one)
🔔 But they have always been a lurker without an account in multiple social media platforms for a very long time(for the memes and keeping up to date)
🔔 Initial Twitter follower count: 141 followers
🔔 Mostly tweets and retweets about infosec, cybersecurity and tech stuff (with occasional memes and cat pics)
🔔 Perseus really insisted on Bell using his platform as a means for them to give awareness about tech and cybersecurity to the public, especially about the increasing amount of e-waste in the environment
🔔 Bell doesn't like talking that much, but continues on anyway because they're passionate about the cause
🔔 And so, they became a semi-regular guest on Perseus' bi-monthly podcast show, as a professional giving insights and opinions on the tech and information industry
🔔 Bell has become such a familiar face and voice in the show that some of the viewers and listeners started shipping them and Perseus 😗 (Perseus staring intensely while making 🥺 eyes at Bell everytime they talk doesn't really help them either, they're both on camera and on YouTube live so everyone can see their faces )
🔔 Everytime Bell makes an appearance, their Twitter follower count steadily increase about 1.5K per podcast episode
🔔 But on one fateful episode, an additional guest at that time inquired what's really going on between both of them, and Perseus accidentally blurted out their relationship and also Bell's pet name, much to Bell's dismay (they both have been involved for a while but Bell would like to keep it private)
🔔 Since that episode, Bell's Twitter followers exploded from 15K to almost 30K in a couple of days, but most of that are actually hate-follows from Perseus' more "passionate" fans 😰
🔔 After that, Bell had to permanently close their Twitter DM's after getting few dozen death threats and a ton of hateful messages in the inbox
🔔 Bell doesn't really care about the haters but it's getting kinda annoying when Bell posts something about infosec-related, there's always gonna be a couple of thinly-veiled insults in the replies for no particular reason at all 😅
🔔 Bell, to Perseus: Hey check out this random message I got in my DMs, it says here "I don't know what your actual gender is, but I definitely fucking know that your pronouns are bitch/whore" and I'm like okay??? That's a really funny insult, actually.... 🤔
🔔 They really thought about abandoning or deleting the account, but decided against it because of that account and the podcast, Bell has gotten in touch and made friends with other industry professionals, so they wouldn't let it all go to waste (also their account just got verified recently so heyyoo)
🔔 Final Twitter follower count: 33,000+ followers (verified)
🔔 One time, Bell accidentally retweeted a sick meme on Perseus' Twitter account, while using his phone to browse the platform. But his fans really liked it because they were like ~omg he retweeted a meme, that's so relatable omg what a cool boomer~ so yeah 🤫
Extras: (Don't worry they're all paid very well)👍
👥 Rudnik as Perseus' personal assistant, he handles all the appointments/interviews and other PA stuff
☣ Stitch as the tech guy,he handles all the tech equipments (camera, audio, lighting, editing etc.)
🐍 Naga also handles the tech stuff, but he's primarily the comment/chat moderator, although he lets the horniest and thirstiest comments through sometimes for laughs
A/N: Feel free to change Bell's entire personality or everything on them here because this is just an interpretation of my own Bell. Heck, change the ships, concepts and all the characters in here as well if you feel like it, but don't forget to tag me because I would like to see your take on it too✌ it's free real estate 🏡
#this is one of the stupidest things ive ever written#but it's really self-indulgent at the same same so i like it a lot#holy smokes ive never written so many words before since my undergrad thesis two years ago#i dont know where the safehouse crew fits in this au#i didn't think far enough for that#it's up to you if you feel like it#modern au#cod bell#second#cod perseus#perseus#vadim rudnik#vikhor stitch kuzmin#kapano naga vang#au idea#bell x perseus#call of duty#call of duty black ops cold war#bocw#black ops cold war#twitter au#yeah a rando in this au universe definitely wrote a bellseus podcast fic on ao3#and they both read it together and cringed and laughed it out#an au fic inside an au fic#it's an au ficception
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hey everybody here’s this stupid thing
you can read it here
#ml#ml fic#miraculous ladybug#miraculous ladybug fic#adrinette#YES I FINALLY DID A FLOWE SHOP TATTOO PARLOR AU . AND IT’S IN FACT ONE OF THE STUPIDEST THINGS IVE EVER WRITTEN . THANKS FOR YOUR TIME#genuinely if people don’t find this funny. then that’s fine. but also wrong#anyway . i really need to go sleep now. it’s past six am#i promised anna (without her asking) to finish this fic before i slept but god at what cost
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