#this is not to say bi men dont experience homophobia obviously but!! they are not the same as you! they still hold power over you!

[forgondor]

the biggest mistake the internet made in relation to the queer community was convincing bi women that they had more in common with bi men than with lesbians

[tw1stedthicket]

fuck me man. after going back through some stuff and really thinking about it, im ngl, i feel pretty happy with just calling myself sapphic due to really only caring about being with women and wanting to define my relationships in that context and not in a context of including or centering men, and i wouldn't even mind if someone referred to me as lesbian even if it's not the word i would use, but that'a the thing! there's a word called "gay" and newsflash abby, that's what only wanting women is, even if you worm your way around not being called a "lesbian"; but! i am really afraid to own that. It's like, okay, i'm afraid of using the word "lesbian" due to what i'm afraid people might think, but if i tell people i like women and do what i wanna do.. they're gonna come to the same conclusion. I know this is internalized homophobia which makes me feel even more shameful, but it's me being honest.

What sparked this thinking was how i found a really cute bracelet of the "woman" symbol with the circle as a heart and it was linked to another one to represent 2 women connected and love for each other and stuff and i was like omg i wanna wear that that makes my heart go soft 🥹 but then i was like no because if i do that then i really have to own it! Theres no longer any way i can be like "well...yes....um....you see this only makes me happy because i also have an attraction to women...it's not that i really really love them haha... i am also attracted to everyone else too including men!" And so i was like well maybe i can do like a little rainbow! I can always say "i just like rainbows" right?

But then it's like ah goddamit people really are gonna assume then that im not bi! But i dont want people to think im bi and i dont know how that fucking works! The thing is, is i dont think to myself anymore than i am bi, even tho sure, there are lots of attractive and wonderful men. But i feel like my inclusion of them in my identity is me being disingenous, it's me including them because i know there is a real possibility that i would feel attraction toward a guy enough that i want to be with him but in reality if i felt that way about a guy, the thought that they might like me back makes me feel afraid, because somewhere in my fucked up thought process i am thinking that means im gonna be with him!! I like him, he likes me, we obviously get together right? But i dont want that! If i could honestly flip a switch where no guy ever liked me romantically again and instead just wanted to be good friends or besties and the strongest sense of attraction they felt to me was entirely platonic, i would flip it immediately! I wanna be their friends so much more! Please save me that anxiety. Is it anxiety from having to perform gender roles for them and in reality if i deconstructed those then i would see myself comfortably being with a man? Maybe?? I dont feel like fucking doing that work tho anyway because the attraction i feel toward men is, and im so sorry dudes, is like... not worth doing the mental lifting for for what it would take for me being with them. I'm sorry, women are literally right there instead. And i dont feel the same baggage for them, just genuine warm fuzzies. People tell me "oh women are just as complicated and human and capable of being bitches! It's hard work either way!" Okay but i have never wanted a man bad enough that i would stick with it like i would with an amazing woman i loved, and newsflash there are a million fucking more of them than there are men. *IN MY INTERPRETATION* again sorry dudes. Thats not even just saying like all dudes are bad people or something to have to do labor for, i just have to jump through hoops to find who i am to them, you know? I get out of myself in every romantic encounter/relationship ive had with guys. Again, is it because i was raised with fucked up experiences of what men and women are supposed to be like or do? I dont fucking know.

If i had to honestly and truthfully take a guess, my guess would be that i am capable of experiencing attraction and happiness with anybody, regardless of gender, given that the relationship is equal and based on a genuine love and respect for both people. In the sense that perhaps there are always exceptions to every rule because the world is so fucking big and there will always be humans out there that could make you question no matter how much you like a particular type of person, but also because maybe some of my attraction to men, as anxiety-producing as it tends to be, is more of an inner thing and actually could be be appropriately healed and manifested in genuine good feelings toward him and a desire to be with him i.e. true attraction. And maybe the reason i want to pursue romance and love and whatnot with women more is because it feels safer. And maybe part of that is because i am a woman myself. Is that wrong? Is it safer because it's more genuine? Hey, i think so in the most charitable part of my brain, but the comphet part of me says "women are always just emotionally connected and intuitive with each other ofc it's easier for them to have relationships with each other! the connection is just all women tho!" but that just serves to devalue the genuine attraction i feel for women that is romantic and sexual and all that :/ Like stfu brain, i dont think most women actually desire relationships with other women and life partners and stuff and labeling it as "just girls and their casual soulmate status with their best friend 🤪" pisses me off. But at the end of the fucking day i know what my choice is! Am i being biphobic? Thinking it's invalid and i need to choose? Well my mind feels like it's fucking chosen for me and i like women!

I hate this because then it makes me really sad like goddamn this really is me huh and i know how people fucking act and treat gay people or lesbian people and it makes me really fucking sad. I was just thinking to myself and it was like, yknow, i feel like i really am in a closet. And i have tried on an outfit that i think i would really like. And i put it on and have to close my eyes to do it because if i open them im gonna be too scared to really look at myself and go through with it. So then i put it on and it feels different, but it hugs my body in ways that feel comfortable even when i cant see it. And when i open my eyes and look in the mirror, it is startling but not surprising, and a little bit awe-some, and theres a moment of recognition that...In my private mind, this is how i see myself. What i am looking at on the outside is what i see on the inside. What i always wanted to be, at least. There's a "Finally" caught behind your breath but it feels not quite right to say that, because how could you have known? I never would have had i not let myself actually...explore. Actually recognize, i guess. But i cant exit the safety of my room, my closet, my dressing room, whatever it is. People would say im a freak, they'd be disgusted, at worst. People might forcibly rip at the clothes or force me to change. People might say theres nothing wrong with it but it's inappropriate to wear in public. People might even say "wow! That outfit really is you! But...i dont like this you." And a million things.

I'm so fucking new to this, i only recognized and realized attraction, and i mean genuine attraction, to women just a couple years ago even tho i had been privately questioning it for longer, but. Damn. It makes me really sad to think of the women that look at other women who like women and dont feel the same comraderie because they think im gross, or a predator, or something. It hurts to think of anyone thinking badly of me, but honestly its the other women that would see me differently that makes me sad. If men wanna be mad then fuck them but it makes me really sad to think that other women would not like me or distrust me.. :(

[mithliya]

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTR4TAmyX/

dishonest video but lets break it down

calling lesbians robots for saying ur lesbian ex saying its gross that ur with now a man isnt oppression.. okay

arguing that bi ppl face 'double discrimination' from inside the lgbtq+ community & the hetero community... and ur saying this to lesbians who are literally being called fetishists and terfs for being lesbians?????? like this double discrimination phenomena is extreme for lesbians rn. we can agree the "lgbtq+ community" is doing a terrible job of actually helping and protecting same sex attracted people right now.

arguing bi ppl face 'unique discrimination' such as 'discrimination in the courtroom' ....bc gay ppl aren't faced w that ??? (like i agree that biphobia & homophobia are related yet obviously bi people being bi will face also a different version of homophobia from gay ppl. but??? arguing this is what differentiates our experiences is...). also the source she provided doesnt actually show that. its about discrimination in the workplace which...

"we also face discrimination in the workplace" this video is just. repeatedly naming things gay ppl also face and then arguing this is bi-specific. gay ppl are slightly more likely to face workplace discrimination than bi ppl (although the percentage is not too different)

5. "bi pan ppl have the highest rates of sexual violence & before you say its cause we date men actually we have higher rates of sexual violence than straight women" she made this point and then didn't read the specifics of the statistic she was sharing, even happily implying that lesbians are like raping bi women at significant rates or sth. this alone tells me shes just intellectually dishonest.

so this point of hers was easily disproven considering the source she used is from CDC.

6. she then ends it with saying if u argue biphobia does not have material harm (not what the women she was responding to even said. what she said was that ur lesbian ex saying "ugh its so gross that shes dating a man now" isnt oppression. it can be hurtful and gross to say of her etc but its not oppression.) then ur rejecting all these bits of proof. but almost all her points were her pretending that gay ppl dont struggle w the same things :|.. none of what she mentioned proved that a lesbian saying its gross her bi ex gf has a boyfriend now is oppressive.

[glittery-sublime-perfection]

first yes some bi women are shitty, some bi women are homophobic, yes bi women can do harm to lesbians. thats obviously not ok. bisexuals are not immune to becoming agents of cultural homophobia.

but i think its weird how "bi women harm lesbians" is talked like an innate part of bisexuality even more than when talking about heterosexuals, even het men. it makes me think something else is going on on how ppl see this issue.

so. sorry. but i think there is a big confirmation bias problem with bisexuality.

the shitty bi women stick in your mind, but you dont notice bi women who aren't. so you confirm in your mind that bi women are shitty homophobes with easy het lives without taking stock of how most bi women actually live or how they are impacted by homophobia.

so first, there is definitely big confirmation bias in that how ppl think of bi women fitting into society. you remember bi women that fit in with het society (even if its just superficial - you dont know how much abuse is going on behind closed doors). but the lots of us that dont and never have are ignored. biggest proof that we are not "fitting in" with het society are statistics like bi womens huge rates of poverty, targeted by domestic violence and sexual violence, stalking, homelessness, substance abuse, etc. sociologists recognize this as signs of oppression and minority stress, but radblr just shrugs.

what do you get out of saying that bi women mostly fit in, that we didn't feel ostracized as a child or teen, that we werent worried our sexuality was deviant or wrong, or that we dont have to worry about our families hating us? actually lots of bi women experience these things too. look at the statistics if you dont trust what we say.

and on radblr, ppl have passed the point of being reasonable about bi women at all. is just not based on any material reality how so many ppl hate bi women more than hets.

even to the point that radblr has many posts saying bi women are the worst of all women, that bi women are dick-tainted, that bi women are ultimate male lovers, that bi women is the reason feminism hasn't worked, that bi women hurt lesbians more than het men, that bi women are identical to TIMs in how bad they are, and even going after bi women that speak about their abuse, accidental pregnancy, or rape and harassing them! sorry is not normal for a feminist or LGB community to get angry at victims and call the misogynistic porn language, but bias against bi women is making a lot of ppl unable to see the huge red flag this is.

a lot of the way ppl express disgust over bi women is also straight up homophobic, yet ppl think its ok bc they can't be homophobic. but what is it if not homophobic to joke or ignore about the high levels of SA, domestic violence, stalking, fetishization, etc. that bi women face due to having both SSA and OSA? tho its not just lesbians saying all this by any means, is other bi women, het women, and even gay men, but everyone seems to have agreed on an acceptable target. and radblr def has this problem of seeing misogyny and homophobia against bi women as something to overlook bc it doesnt affect ppl with "real problems".

(partly machine translated bc my english is mid)

I kinda don't get why there's such a big dislike of bi women on here. Why are a lot of lesbians (I presume) so bitter about being left for a man? Maybe I don't understand the feeling, because I was never dumped by a bisexual woman, but it just seems so childish to say that in general bi women play with other girls feeling just to leave her for a man.

It do be like that sometimes. People will hurt you, that's the thing with relationships. No matter the reason or age, one way or another you'll be hurt by someone you think is the love of your life. And if it happens to be a bi woman who's now with an ugly man, so be it. Don't drag down other women for your tragedy 🤷

[0ystercatcher]

like honestly geniunely it is not suprising women esp young teen girls realizing they are attracted to men relate to gay/bi men (in MEDIA please im speaking of media and tv and movies and animes) moreso than to het women bc when women in media express attraction to men it tends to be sooo fucking boring and passive and waiting for men to do everything and it always comes across as like. women have to be convinced to participate in a relationship and once were in one were like. a price men drag around. but idk we wanna participate just as much as men do we feel actual desire and attraction and usually we dont see this or hear of this anywhere but idk. the ocasional fanfic ?? whereas a lot of the time men are allowed to actively seek out nd desire partners (yes homophobia is obviously a thing but if you think straight or bi women cant relate or find common ground w it even if its shaky and lets say...not very well politically informed.... you might be too online) and when youre a woman atttracted to men you prob will project onto men who are also attracted to men rather than men who are attracted to women even THO personally i do that too and hm from experience some lesbians do as well lol. and yes this is entirely about media but that conversation has alsmost always been about media. i wont get into the fujo to mlm pipeline bc i dontt think its entirely real but there are connections like this everywhere lmao. mxm shipping is a osa female pasttime and i dont think thats like. all informed by homophobia its just cursory media prjecting onto some of the only material (tho mb this is changing now?? idk i dont keep up) that has main charcters that are lets say. blatantly actively into men.

[ganseys-hoe]

Ok so a lot of people are saying a lot of things about the resolution of Whiskey’s storyline and I just wanted to share my thoughts (even though no one asked)

*SPOILERS

First off: I dont think this was a perpetuation of the “cheating bisexual” stereotype

While his sexuality is never confirmed in the comics, i dont think hes attracted to women

He says that he’s not a flashy person, that he doesn’t want to stand out in the way that he thinks he will if he dates a man.

If he wasn’t gay, maybe bi or pan, then him still being true to himself could mean staying with his girlfriend, and not standing out.

But then he says he can't be like Bitty, he can’t stand out

‘Can’t be like him” implies that something (internalised homophobia, his family’s beliefs) is getting in the way of him being like bitty and “standing out” (being in a relationship with a man)

Won’t, or isn’t, would imply that he has some variability in his options, like he could try to not act on his attraction to men, and still have some semblance of romantic happiness with a woman. If he used either of these words, it would indicate that he is attracted to women.

But since he says can’t, it leads me to believe that him being who he truly is would cause the end of a romantic/sexual relationship with a woman, that he isn’t attracted to girls

So if he is not attracted to women, he is not bisexual, and is therefore not perpetuating this stereotype by kissing that lax bro haha

While I interpreted his character as being gay, i think that he himself is confused. He’s trying to cling onto his girlfriend from home while experimenting with people he really is attracted to

Internalised Homophobia (his relationship to other queer characters)

So this is a big one

We see all of the characters through Bitty’s eyes, and so when Whiskey is cold to him, we feel personally hurt, we believe bitty when he complains to Jack that Whiskey hates him

But after 4.9 (the iconic lax bro/whiskey kiss), we can see him differently

He doesn’t hate Bitty, he resents him. He resents Bitty’s ability to be out, he resents bitty’s relationship.

I also think he sees bitty as vulnerable, something he’s been training himself not to be for a very long time. Whiskey sees Bitty’s openness as weakness, as something someone can exploit to hurt him.

I also think Connor has a lot of internalised homophobia. His relationship with Bitty reminds me a lot of Isak and Eskild from the “Pride” skam clip. Both Isak and Whiskey see being open about their sexuality and proud of it as being flashy, as shoving it in someone's face. Eskild and Bitty both know that being who you are is not being “over the top”

When Connor see’s Jack and Bitty kiss on the ice that day, he probably feels a lot of things

1. Jealous, wanting what they have

2. Uncomfortable with the backlash they’re exposing themselves to

3. Embarrassed, thinking its “too much”, that they could have had that moment in private

He calls himself a private person, and uses that characteristic as a reason why he isn’t out, which I think demonstrates how he thinks liking boys is something that should be kept quieter than liking girls

THAT (yes, THAT) party

Ok so I’m a firm believer that Chad L. (the lax captain) is who Whiskey was kissing that night

I don’t think it was a one time thing, due to Bitty’s previous mention of Whiskey hanging out with the lax team  

Also the way they look at each other is TENDER, like no amount of alcohol can fabricate that affection

MOVING ON, the fact that Whiskey did this at a hockey party and not a Haus party is very telling

It reminds me a lot of the AFTG series, where Neil wouldn’t drink in order to not divulge anything about his mafia-affiliated dad. Obviously Whiskey’s predicament is not life and death if people find out his secret, but I maintain that he chose this particular party to finally cut loose at for a reason. because he knew that it was the one party Bitty didn’t want them to go to, the one party where Bitty was sure not to be.

Now this raises a tricky question. Whiskey is generally very cagey about his attraction to boys, but is in a public place when spotted kissing that lax bro. Does he at this point feel so comfortable with the lax crowd that he’s able to do this, or his problem entirely with Bitty knowing?

Because there were other hockey boys at that party that could have spotted him, I believe his problem is solely with Bitty knowing. But why?

Maybe because he knows he can’t pass it off as a drunken mistake to Bitty and be done with the conversation. Maybe because he knows bitty will try to tell him how much he supports him, and Whiskey doesn’t want Bitty to see how vulnerable and scared he really is.

I think it shows tremendous character growth for the both of them that Bitty backs off and leaves Whiskey room to tell him on his own terms, and that Whiskey has grown by being able to confront this topic with the one person he was trying to hide from.

The Ending

UUggghh I loved the ending

I know a lot of people see the comics as saying OUT = GOOD, HAPPY

CLOSETED = BAD, REPRESSED

Although Whiskey is still not out at the end, calling him repressed is totally ignoring all of his character development

The endgame for some isn’t coming out to others, its finally accepting themselves

Whiskey isn’t out and proud just yet, but he’s more secure in his identity, and is starting to realize that his previous idea of “gay” isn’t what it means to everyone

He might be perfectly happy in a less public relationship with Chad L. (THEY’RE DATING, OK!!!)

He might be still dating his girlfriend (i personally think she's from canada (fake))

What he definitely is is more comfortable with himself than he was

I also think it’s nice that in this largely idealized comic, there is some realism. Not everyone gets the immediate happy ending. Some people are still figuring their shit out, some stories are still being written.

thank you for reading this very long rant I wrote a 1am haha

[improbablecarny]

so like. i know and 100% agree ofc that its biphobic to refuse to date bi women/nblw just bc theyre bi. but i’ve seen a lot of people talking about how its okay to only want to date other bi people if you’re bi, and i don’t understand why, by the same logic, it wouldnt be lesbophobic for a bi woman/nblw to not want to date a lesbian just bc they’re a lesbian. obviously you dont need to answer this but i’d appreciate your input if you’re up for it!

yeah I agree with you that writing off All Lesbians from your dating pool is lesbophobic and i definitely don’t prescribe to that. 

i do prefer dating bi men to straight men just because of the whole “know what it’s like to experience homophobia period��� thing, but like honestly other bi people are fully capable of having biphobic (and other hurtful) beliefs so just saying “i will only date people within my identity because they will never hurt me for this” will make it hurt even more if you end up in a situation where they do 

[dykespreads]

think imma butch bi dyke. if ur fine with sharing, what were your experiences with dykehood as a bi woman? i honestly feel really nervous but contented w dyke as a whole, i dont wanna be considered lesphobic or whatever :(

well im going to be 100% transparent with you that regardless of your intentions you will be called a lesbophobe by some people, the nature of tumblr is to paint whoever you disagree with as your oppressor and a monster and you just have to deal with that. in irl spaces it matters significantly less and nobody (at least in my experience) will question your choices. it helped me a lot because i have a lot of irl friends that are bi or lesbian or trans so everyone is pretty understanding and not quite so “if you say something i disagree with you are cancelled forever and i will make sure i convince everyone that you’re a terf” which has happened to me over dyke discourse with online tumblr “friends” despite me obviously not being a terf, given that im trans and my gf is a trans woman. but on to the point, i have reblogged a ton of cited essays and resources on bi women’s history in lesbian spaces, our impact on those spaces, our historical right on butch/femme/dyke and our current right and usage of butch/femme/dyke so if that kind of proof reassures you i definitely recommend looking through my blog. tumblr search feature is super awful so i’m sorry it’s not more accessible but you should be able to search for key terms and find it. my personal experience with dykehood comes largely from comphet, living in racist christian south, and some homophobic experiences with past girlfriends. ive always known i’ve liked girls and ive spent a long LONG time flip flopping between lesbian and bi, and lo and behold my lived reality and the way people treat me when im with a girl literally does not change at all. that leaves me to believe that it doesn’t matter. whether i personally ID as bi or lesbian does not matter because my experiences won’t change. im still in a loving committed relationship with a girl and am visibly gay. ergo im a dyke. i won’t be ashamed about it.  *and yes i am aware the dictionary definition of dyke as written by cishets says that it means lesbian. but gay marriage was also banned in the united states. does that mean that two bi women, who aren’t techincally gay men or lesbians, could marry? no stop being fucking stupid anti-wlw language has always revolved around lesbians that doesn’t mean bi women were just unfortunately caught in the cross fire. the sacred lesbian only experience doesn’t exist, unless its specifically “i identify as a lesbian”. all wlw are subject to comphet, corrective r*pe (though i may agree that it has different connotations among lesbians, i can personally say lesbians are not the only ones targeted for being “cured” of their attraction to women, and r*pe CERTAINLY does not feel better just because you hypothetically could like a man lmao get your fucking heads out of your asses), prejudice, feeling predatory, loving women, being gnc, having an estranged parent relationship, not feeling really like a true woman, confliction with gender roles, not loving men or wanting to be with men, having trauma, facing misogyny and homophobia, etc etc. literally name something and i will make a counter argument for it, because me or a bi woman i know has lived it. wlw have been going through this shit together since the dawn of time. and radical feminism and political lesbianism warped us. a lot of these arguments about bi women being available to men are misogynistic and extremely biphobic and literally ACTUAL terf rhetoric. terfs, especially terfs that are wlw, have something to gain from painting lesbians as this group that is being set in on all sides by men (and trans women), and that bi women are using their privilege by being close to men to push lesbians down, and are class traitors. tldr; people will hate you no matter what you do. bi women helped build the lesbian community before radical feminism, terfs, and political lesbianism drove bi women out of the lesbian community. we have much of a right to our terms as any other wlw and its ahistorical to say we don’t. also life is short if calling yourself a dyke connects you to your love of women nobody can tell you otherwise.

[boojersey]

VIC DO ALL THE ASKS BC I LOVE U AND WANT U TO HAVE FUN

*SWEATS* AYE AYE CAPN

cw for like some common lgbt+ topics such as dysphoria violence discrimination etc just. tread carefully if u get triggered easily by bad lgbt experiences

What do you identify as and what are your pronouns? -im a gay trans man and my pronouns are he/him but they/them is also acceptable!

How did you discover your sexuality, tell your story?-oh wow i originally thought i was a lesbian because i didnt even know what transgender was i just thought wishing i was a man meant i was butch and then i met my friend donnie in eighth grade who told me he was trans and it was kinda a huge slap in the face but with a sack of gay bricks? and i found out i dont like women through actually having sex with cis women and finally realizing it. really wasnt for me so now im just a gay man as opposed to queer as an umbrella term but i periodically refer to myself as such

Have you experienced being misgendered? What happened and how did you overcome it?-oh yea i literally was misgendered today i just kinda brush it off but it can be hard sometimes especially when people know im trans and do it

Who was the first person you told, how did they react?-i first told donnie about my gender, it was a thing where i went to bed the night i met him and was like  .. wait holy fuck and then the next day i was like BRO HOLY FUCK but sexuality? i dont really know???? it was so long ago it was honestly probably my group of friends on kik that i had in 2013 (u were included in that mister!!!!)

Describe what it was like coming out, what did you feel?-im not actually fully out but the first time someone who was an adult knew about my trans-ness was what really set in for me the fact that i could come out one day; my friends mom referred to me as seance (and like. obviously she respected my gender she has a trans kid) but it was just super jarring bc no adult had known yet abt my identity in any way and as a result i was rlly glad it was nighttime in that car bc i cried almost immediately; the first time i came out on my Own was to my cousin and he laughed in my face so that was pretty damn awful and its kinda funny cuz the bastard is bi so u would think hed have been accepting but n0pe!

If you’re out, how did your parents/guardians/friends react?-im out to my friends now ! and the reception was generally positive bc i think i do an ok job at picking ppl to be around in terms of morals so there was little bad reception

What is one question you hate people asking about your sexuality?-i hate when ppl ask if im gay as in for men or gay as in for women because im trans, i am a man so when i say im gay i feel like that should be easy enough to put 2 and 2 together but when they ask that i feel as if they still view me as a woman

Describe the style of clothing that you most often wear.-emo of the gods themselves it is absolute scene and emo vomit and i love it; its seriously hard for me to wear dresses and skirts without dysphoria and just general discomfort but i own a couple anyway bc theyre cute i just. never wear them

Who are your favourite lgbt+ ships?-my main thing at the moment is gerard/frank/grant morrison bc i love poly fics very dearly and gerard/bert because bert mccracken deserved better than gerawrds internalized homophobia lol

What does makeup mean to you? Do you wear any?-makeup to me is an androgynous thing so i wear eyeshadow a lot and lipstick sometimes, eyeshadow is easier on my eyes than eyeliner bc im allergic to a lot of makeup thats on the heavier side so if i put on eyeliner my eyes will water and burn throughout the day but with eyeshadow im mostly ok; other opinion is that makeup on Anyone can be sexy as hell if they do it for fun and wear literally what they truly want and not just what they think is accepted or what they Should wear

Do you experience dysphoria? If so, how does that affect you?-oh yeah my dysphoria is pretty debilitating if im gonna be honest; i used to have very little problems with it because my hold on reality was loose at best (before i was medicated to clarify) but now that i am almost completely Here my dysphoria is pretty bad and even just like. the knowledge that i have breasts is pretty awful; a few weeks ago i put on an outfit that i have to wear a victorias secret bra to fit properly in and just one look in the mirror had me sobbing and i had to change my clothes before i could leave the house and i havent worn a bra since because just the thought of showing off my chest makes this stark fuckin dread shoot through my veins but i also have dysphoria in regards to my voice that i discussed at my last trans therapy group meeting actually ; my voice has a tendency to bounce around my octave range so sometimes ill be like. excited then hear what i sound like. and ruin it for myself immediately u kno? im not even gonna talk about my dicksphoria bc thats just. awful. 

What is the stupidest thing you’ve heard said about the lgbt+ community?-ohhhhhhhh my god u know what? ive heard..so much .. that im gonna instead take this opportunity to mention my mother genuinely thinks dnd is satanic

What’s your favourite thing about the lgbt+ community?-the fact that were so strong. we are so fucking strong we deal with violence and opposition constantly and at staggering rates yet we stay strong and we continue loving through all of it, whether its in dark corners in secret or loudly in the streets we continue loving and do so with all of our beings because we know its our own truth and well gladly go to hell if it means we got to love on earth (not that everyone believes in hell or the idea that us gays go to hell but my point stands)

What’s your least favourite thing about the lgbt+ community?-we have this audacity to create divide (to the fault of mostly cis white gay men thank u very much) when what we need to do is love each other because we are different but at the end of the day we all need to remain in tandem and as a family or we will never get to where we need to in terms of acceptance and that means being uplifting and protecting our trans sisters of color, our disabled lgbt members, our autistic lgbt members, our anything past cis white gay man because we all need recognition, we all need love, and to exclude any letters of lgbt is to tear ourselves down and set ourselves on fire

Have you ever been to your cities pride event? Why or why not?-no :((( no one would drive me in the past and i dont think ill have a way to get there this year either

Who is your favourite lgbt+ Icon/Advocate/Celebrity?-brian molko! my bisexual, androgynistically-inclined father who birthed me at the tender age of 16 when i found placebo

Have you been in a relationship and how did you meet?-ya theres been a few and i dont rlly like to talk abt my relationships with anyone unless theyre online relationships so im just gonna leave it at that

What is your favourite lgbt+ book?-pantomime by laura lam! its one of if not my favorite book to this day

Have you ever faced discrimination? What happened?-y a every damn day bitch ! example is when i was deadnamed by my psychiatrist while she knows full well what my name is the other day; another is the countless times i get called a lesbian ???? and when strict lesbians ask me out i get a very bad taste in my mouth (i understand full well that sexuality is fluid, these are lesbians that spit the ‘penis is gross blegh’ rhetoric)

Your Favorite lgbt+ movie or show?-uh im just gonna say preacher bc its my favorite show altogether n cass is bi/pan/something similar

Who are some of your favourite lgbt+ bloggers?-@ble3dmagic is my boyfriend in crime (not rlly thats a joke) and @musicalsense​ is my sunburnt Brother

Which lgbt+ slur do you want to reclaim?-queer! i also use f*ggot a lot when talking about myself and my friends that are ok with it

Have you ever gone to a gay bar, or a drag show, how was it?-i went to a drag show and it was so amazing and one of the first times i felt accepted in my own community that i cried

How do you self-identify your gender, and what does that mean to you?-well i identify as a man with no leaning towards womanhood or nonbinaryhood in any way, its just . man . but in terms of Expression i am quite androgynous bc i can rlly appreciate femininity (NOT the same as womanhood) and being a man to me means just that ive always wanted to grow up with that “gender role” like i always wish i was raised as a stereotypical parent would raise a son and ive always been more interested in stereotypically masculine things and people since i can even remember and i feel like puberty was just this unpreventable spiral into something i didnt want. i didnt want it at all . this is tmi but when i got my first period i cried my eyes out bc the idea of being called a Woman repulsed me so much and since i didnt even know that being trans was a concept i was just this scared puppy full of confusion and fear aimed at myself because all the stuff i heard i was supposed to be proud of the change but i wasnt i was so ashamed of it and the idea of being called a woman made me sick to my stomach and i just wish i could go back in time and hold myself and tell me itll be alright 

Are you interested in having children? Why or why not?-absoLutely not i hate kids (and by that i mean i hate being around them and the culture that surrounds having children; i do not treat kids like shit and i do not act like hating children is a personality trait; i get migraines and usually the second a child starts screaming or crying i am on the floor of my brain writhing in dire pain and i have absolutely no desire to support another human life when frankly i cant even support myself; its also just not a lifestyle i want to live)

What identity advice would you give your younger self?-god so fucking much. so fucking much. so many things i wish i could say to myself

What do you think of gender roles in relationships?-i think if someone wants to adhere to them then hell yea go ahead just dont expect others to do it or try to tell other people its a Norm or something; theyre for the most part christian in nature so i dont have any desire to follow them myself, i want a relationship (if any) thats more of a coexistence if that makes sense, like. roommates plus dick

Anything else you want to share about your experience with gender?-i always used to anxiously chew on the idea that my chest dysphoria is just me holding disdain for the shape and size of my breasts but let me tell you. the second i put on my binder for the first time i immediately started crying because i was so overwhelmed by the fact that i was looking at something one step closer to myself and i know full well i am never going to have that doubt again. this week has been exponentially cathartic and therapeutic for me

What is something you wish people know about being lgbt+?-i want the cisheteros to know that nothing they learn about us is new. everything about us has been around for so so long but has been silenced and erased to the point where a lot of us dont even know many things about our rich and beautiful history

Why are proud to be lgbt+?-honestly? its hard for me to not just straight up say im not proud of my identity. its taken me years to stamp down the plain grieving toward my identity and wishing i could have the easier path but frankly? the fact that i am choosing this path of hardship and hell on earth just to be who i truly am i think speaks volumes of my pride in my identity at this point; further back in my archive by a few years my posts are littered with sentiments of bitterness wherein i stated that i hate being trans and not just cis but i like to think ive finished hating myself for my identity. i like to think im proud now. to ask me why is to ask too much of me, all i know now is that i am proud and thats enough for me right now.

[bloojayoolie]

Apparently, Arguing, and Cheating: ...we're half way thru 2019 and yall are still out here pretending "b*phobia" is a thing hm Lors of comments on this post saying im wrong but none of them are explaining how biphobia is real. Explain & point out to me the specific oppression bi people face, that isnt just a combination of homophobia & misogyny. Bi people dont face a specific oppression that isnt one of those two things im being told bi women have a higher rate of IPV than other groups, but the fact that bi men do not replicate the same numbers means that this is misogyny, not biphobia. If it was biphobia, anyone who is bisexual would face the same rates of abuse. And they dont. Only women do. Its not that "bi people cant experience oppres- sion" which...they do. If theyre women, they face an intersection of homophobia for their perceived-gay relationships, and misogyny. If theyre bi men, they face homophobia. There is still not a unique oppression bi people have, except being told "bisexuality isnt real", but as lesbian if i had a fucking dollar for every time i was told "lesbianism isnt real", "once you try dick you wont 'go back"? Id be fucking loaded. So "[sexuality] isnt real" is just said to people in same sex relationships because it "goes against" homophobic persons pov. & anyway my original comment on this post still stands _(9)F. Bi ppl in visibly straight relationships face no oppression, theyre in fact protected by that guise of heterosexuality. If bi people face oppression in percieved heterosexual relationships, than it goes to reason that heterosexuals are also oppressed. But ive already seen one person on this post claim that the hets ARE oppressed so okay, i know i'm just another teenager with a fandom icon (even younger than the last one! oh no!) but here we go. you say all opression bi women face is a combination of homophobia and misogyny and therefore biphobia isnt real? Lesbophobia is exactly that. a combination of homophobia and misogyny. Does that mean Lesbophobia is not real? That lesbians dont face unique problems even if it is just a combination of other forms of opression? since you asked here are some unique opressions bi people experience: "why cant you just pick one?" being stereotyped as promiscuous or cheaters being seen as greedy told are actually gay or straight, just in the process of questioning Here are some statistics about bisexual people: 45% of bi women have considered or attempted suicide, followed by 35% of bi men and then by 35% lesbians and 30% gay men third of bisexual people reported not disclosing their sexual orientation to their healthcare providers, leaving them without full access to medically necessary care here's a few things from a statistics canada study on violent victimization of Lesbians Bisexuals and gay men in 2014 Compared with heterosexual Canadians, bisexual individuals were almost nine times more likely to be sexually assaulted Rate of violent victimization among lesbian and gay Canadians down from 2009 but remains unchanged for bisexual individuals bisexual individuals were significantly more likely than their heterosexual and lesbian or gay counterparts to report experiencing homelessness. 18% versus 8% and 12% Bisexual individuals experienced violent victimization at a rate nearly double that of lesbian and gay individuals I'm a lesbian, so I in no way claim to be an expert on biphobia. These are things my bi friends have experienced. Thats what im saying: lesbophobia is an intersection of facing homophobia & misyogony, misyogonoir is the intersection of racism and misyogony, but because "bisexual" encompasses women *and* men it cant be an intersection of homophobia and misyogony ."why cant you just pick one?" would argue that thats less oppression and more ignorance. Someone not knowing what bisexuality is doesnt put you at risk of losing your home or being beaten, in the same way being in an "overt" homosexual relationship does. sterotyped as cheating That is a unique assumption about bi people, but ive never seen it directed at bisexual men, mostly bisexual women - and women are already considered to be forced on a thin line of "pure or whore", so i dont know if i can agree that it is biphobia and not just misogyny. But im willing to admit that it might be? ldk. told youre gay or straight Theres a popular post circulating that says so- mething along the lines of "bi women are assu- med to be actually straight and experimenting, and bi men are assumed to be actually gay: the default is 'attracted to men" thats misyogony. These are the exact studies i was asking for earlier & got told no. So thank you, genuinely, for finding them. But even reading these i have to ask why, if biphobia is the actual cause, why arent bi men harmed as much as bi women? It honestly just all reads as very intense misogyny, which doesnt affect bi men. And on my first tag, i said "if biphobia is real, so is heterophobia", which i still think. If bi people are oppresed for being BISEXUAL, not oppressed for being seen as "potentially" gay, or ""potentially" in a gay relationship, then they are oppressed for their attraction for the same and opposite sex, which they experience at the same time. You cant be oppressed for heterosexual attraction, or bise- xual attraction to the opposite sex, or whatever you want to consider that specific attraction. Sorry i just overall don't think that someone in visibly heterosexual relationship (whether or not either or neither of the parties are actually bisexual) faces any oppression in the aspect of their perceived sexuality. A male & female bisexual couple holding hands in public isnt going to get beaten up, or harassed, or met with the same vitriol and fear that a female & female, or male & male bisexual or gay couple would face. Thats what my op was out. & for the record i wasnt mocking that last person for being young & having a fandom blog, objectively theres obviously nothing wrong with either of those lol. she insulted me & i responded by saying something equally reductive. I dont care if young ppl interact with my blog, i just wish she didnt jump onto a vent post i made a week ago about a homophobic bisexual coworker that had like...no notes & turn tinto a post insulting me and w several people saying they want me stabbed bloody and dead () but we dont all get what we want, so Biphobia is just homophobia and misogyny apparently.

[thebreakfastgenie]

sorry for the long post but you said there were some feelings that inspired your first post, specifically that you feel like, as a lesbian you're preemptively told to shut up. That's fair, and I can see that! but I also wanted to say that's exactly how a lot of the bi women talking about this kind of thing feel.

They're (we're) told, one on one and in media and in reactions to media over and over that their attraction to men is unappealing or uninteresting or even un-queer. We're told to "shut up" about our attraction to men because we "dont experience homophobia in opposite gender relationships" as you said. (frankly thats untrue from my pov, at worst/best id say its experiencing the kind of homophobia you do as a closeted person, not to mention all the systematic biphobia thats both related and distinct- it goes *way* beyond just not being seen as yourself).

This expression of biphobia is very systematic imo, and you're right that it goes beyond positive portrayal of attraction to men. Bi men do experience a similar thing with their attraction to women, but it's also....tumblr is thought of as a very female centric space so that's part of it, but also this is just one way to push back that's happened to trend!

I do empathize with that! I do! I think there's an element here that is not present in all of these posts, but is definitely present in some I've seen and has contributed to how I feel. It's not just individual people saying "hey, I love being attracted to men! That's part of who I am and I love myself!" I don't find that relatable, but I easily scroll past. It doesn't make an impression on me. But I see a lot that are phrased as if they're being contrarian to some big scary overpowering force telling you that you're not allowed to like men. And like... what force is that? As I've said, for MLM obviously that's homophobia. But these posts are definitely reblogged by women too. So it feels like if I were to speak about my experiences, I would be the big bad wolf telling people they were wrong for having different ones. And there's definitely an extent to which that's a me problem, but I think my observations here are reasonable. I acknowledge the emotional part because it obviously plays a role and I think it's good to be honest about how we're all biased in one way or another, but it's not the whole thing.

What I am specifically referring to re: bi people not experiencing homophobia in opposite gender relationships is structural homophobia. Bi people in opposite gender relationships could be legally married in all 50 states before 2015 and don't have to worry about losing that right now that the Supreme Court is controlled by far-right judges. Sex with an opposite gender partner was never illegal (I recognize gender identity complicates this, but I also trust you all know what I'm talking about). I'm not discounting that biphobia can be systemic, I'm really not speaking to that. But there is an element of structural homophobia that affects gay people and also affects bi people when they are in same gender relationships that does not affect people in opposite gender relationships.

I do try to stay aware of the fact that on social media a lot of things trend removed from their original context but I'm a human person and I can't stop myself from reacting to things as I see them on my dash, you know? And I don't really have anything else to add about tumblr being seen as a female-centric space other than that I spent four years at a women's college and it was like tumblr in some ways but very different in others.

[fearsomeandwretched]

Hey, first of all good luck with your job!!!! No matter what you decide i hope it makes you happy… what i really wanna ask you is about how you realized you were a lesbian… im having many thoughts, ive been very confused for years. Sometimes im sure im bi but then im like its totally comphet. Idk… if its too personal i truly apologize and you dont have to say anything obviously. But if there is smth you can share w me abt being bi or lesbian and comphet i would be so so happy. I never truly liked a boy or did anything w anyone but i have many fictional and celebrity male crushes and im totally sure i like girls. Thats why i think its comphet. But i just dont know…… anyway, even if you cant reply i got to vent and it helped. Love you, have a great day!!!!

Hi love!! Thank you I appreciate it! I also bounced between the labels bisexual and lesbian for years (I actually originally came out as a lesbian when I was 15 and changed labels to bi about a year later). I obviously can't tell you your sexuality it's a very personal thing lol, but I definitely think that spending some time with fellow sapphic women especially lesbian women since you're questioning whether you might be a lesbian would be helpful! Honestly having my first lesbian friend (among other things going on in my life) really made me question my 'attraction' to and the relationships I'd had with men. Seeing someone be so open about their attraction to and relationships with women was very inspiring to me and obviously inspired some introspection.

Having crushes on fictional and celebrity men though are both very common comphet experiences! Fictional and celebrity men are not real and can be very appealing on that front. After internalizing a lot of homophobia from the society we live in it can feel very natural, at least it was to me, to cling on to any semblance of 'attraction' or positive feelings I had for men that weren't real or at least attainable to me. But I don't want to pursue a relationship, sexual or otherwise, with a man and I'm not attracted to any man in person. That's a much better identifier of where you stand re: your sexuality than anything you may feel for fictional or celebrity men imo!

Ultimately you know yourself better than anyone else! I'd spend a lot of time thinking about your interactions with both men and women in your life, crushes you've had, and how attraction has functioned in your life! I wish you so much luck on this journey and no matter what label you end up feeling comfortable with you are so valid! Sapphic women are the best <3

[colorisbyshe]

My gf is masc presenting and despite her being bi and me being a lesbian, she's called dyke far more often. I'm very femme so people dont call me dyke because they dont believe I'm a lesbian, but obviously it's still a slur against me. But it's only a slur against her, people dont stop her on the streets to ask how she identifies before shouting it. Like the f-slur can be reclaimed by gay and bi men but also transwomen since it's also a hatefull misgendering transmisogynistic slur. 1/2

2/2 My point being that there's no use to fight about whether bi-girls can reclaim it, because the thing that makes someone a "dyke" is being wlw. I'm not saying that masc straight girls can claim it because they opress sga girls, but bi-girls can't opress lesbians or other way around. All nb wlw and wlw can reclaim it, saying otherwise is implying that bi-girls face less homophobia than lesbians and it's simply not the case. (Sorry about my english)     

No worries about the English, you did amazing. As someone who only speaks one language and can stutter out like two phrases of French and do the alphabet in ASL, I wouldn’t dare criticize someone for speaking more languages than me.

But, yeah! Homophobia doesn’t hurt bisexual women any less. I think certain bisexual experiences shield us from experiencing it in the same ways, much like being single can shield gay peple from experiencing it in certain ways, but?? It still hurts us just the same. Emotionally. Mentally. And if it turns into homophobic assault... physically.

It’s still happening to us.

[thewyvernmaiden]

Thats what im saying: lesbophobia is an intersection of facing homophobia & misyogony, misyogonoir is the intersection of racism and misyogony, but because "bisexual" encompasses women *and* men it cant be an intersection of homophobia and misyogony.

- "why cant you just pick one?"

I would argue that thats less oppression and more ignorance. Someone not knowing what bisexuality is doesnt put you at risk of losing your home or being beaten, in the same way being in an "overt" homosexual relationship does.

- sterotyped as cheating

That is a unique assumption about bi people, but ive never seen it directed at bisexual men, mostly bisexual women - and women are already considered to be forced on a thin line of "pure or whore", so i dont know if i can agree that it is biphobia and not just misogyny. But im willing to admit that it might be? Idk.

- told youre gay or straight

Theres a popular post circulating that says something along the lines of "bi women are assumed to be actually straight and experimenting, and bi men are assumed to be actually gay: the default is 'attracted to men'" thats misyogony.

.

These are the exact studies i was asking for earlier & got told no. So thank you, genuinely, for finding them.

But even reading these i have to ask why, if biphobia is the actual cause, why arent bi men harmed as much as bi women? It honestly just all reads as very intense misogyny, which doesnt affect bi men. And on my first tag, i said "if biphobia is real, so is heterophobia", which i still think. If bi people are oppresed for being BISEXUAL, not oppressed for being seen as ""potentially"" gay, or ""potentially"" in a gay relationship, then they are oppressed for their attraction for the same and opposite sex, which they experience at the same time. You cant be oppressed for heterosexual attraction, or bisexual attraction to the opposite sex, or whatever you want to consider that specific attraction.

Sorry i just overall don't think that someone in a visibly heterosexual relationship (whether or not either or neither of the parties are actually bisexual) faces any oppression in the aspect of their perceived sexuality. A male & female bisexual couple holding hands in public isnt going to get beaten up, or harassed, or met with the same vitriol and fear that a female & female, or male & male bisexual or gay couple would face. Thats what my op was out.

& for the record i wasnt mocking that last person for being young & having a fandom blog, objectively theres obviously nothing wrong with either of those lol. she insulted me & i responded by saying something equally reductive. I dont care if young ppl interact with my blog, i just wish she didnt jump onto a vent post i made a week ago about a homophobic bisexual coworker that had like...no notes & turn it into a post insulting me and w several people saying they want me stabbed bloody and dead ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ but we dont all get what we want, so

...we're half way thru 2019 and yall are still out here pretending "b*phobia" is a thing hm

[heterophobiclesbean]

One thing I noticed is that a lot of people discuss gay and bi guys struggles, heck, even cishet ace guys, even though they aren't gay/bi but the same isn't true for trans men. I've seen multiple people say that trans guys don't even really experience oppression and we shouldnt complain and idk I feel pretty bad about it? So bcs your my fav exclusionist,I wanted to ask what you think? Are we really just appropriating oppression? I'm sorry if im bothering you but I'm just really upset about this

I'm the one who just sent the ask about trans guys and I just wanted to add that the reason I asked was that I noticed a lot of people standing up for gbp guys who were lesbians or otherwise wlw but never for trans guys. And when we do speak about our problems we are often told to shut up and it makes me feel really unsafe to talk openly about this stuff and idk. Sorry again if I'm bothering you but I am in a bad place mentally rn and don't know who to ask

you are definitely NOT “appropriating oppression” whoever told you that is transphobic as hell trans men are in no way immune to transphobia just because they are men

i think in general a lot of the discourse tends to be focused mostly on lgbp issues and not trans issues is that people try to draw similarities between homophobia and “aphobia” and that usually ends up leaving trans people out of the discussion (even trans lgbp people)

anyone who says trans guys dont experience oppression is someone not worth talking to, there’s really no excuse for not understanding how transphobia affects all trans people (binary or nonbinary, pre/post/non-op, men/women, etc.) and while obviously there are other intersections that can give certain trans people privilege over others, all trans people are oppressed under transphobia and all cis people oppress all non-cis people under transphobia. 

I’m really sorry you’re dealing with so much ignorance and transphobia, you deserve better than that. I hope you feel safe coming to me in the future if/when I fail you as an ally so I can do better to help you in the future.

[catboyrightsdefender]

hey I'm just wondering what you mean by saying there is a lot of homo and lesbophobia in queer spaces? :0 This might just be my experience but I personally have seen a lot of bi- and transphobia but never homo/lesbophobia? /gen

disclaimer im sorry if my words are clumsy or if im accidentaly offensive. i dont like talking about such serious subjects in english cause i Know what i say risks getting misinterpreted more as i dont master english as much as my native language.

i personally havent seen much biphobia, and most transphobia ive seen coming from queer spaces was a specific brand of transphobia that is subject to debate (like. seeing trans men as different than cis men, this is poorly worded but im not gonna develop this issue here cause this isnt what you asked sjjs) (i say subject to debate cause to some, like me, its transphobic, while to others who have different opinions it isnt. same happens for biphobia i guess), but obviously it depends a lot of which 'circles' you evolve in/which people you follow.

obviously im not the best suited to talk about lesbophobia, but from what ive seen lesbians often get attacked far more often than other groups. especially radical and political lesbians, who get both the ''mainstream'' lesbophobia and very aggressive responses from others from the queer community, because they often adopt a materialist or marxist point of view which clashes with the heavily individualistic queer point of view. its also all of the erasure, i remember at some point pride posts often didnt feature a lesbian flag (i havent seen that as much nowadays but also i follow different ppl and more lesbians now so again what you see highly depends on who you follow). its also stupid shit like people trying to strip the lesbian identity from its meaning by saying bi girls can call themselves lesbians (same happens with queer ppl calling themselves gay and then getting mad when gay/homosexual criticize it. im not gonna enter this debate cause i did call myself gay while i was still bi so erhmm im not the best suited to criticize it, even tho i regret doing it now). its all the 'jokes' non gay people make about gay people's lives and sexuality, like for example the jokes about 'white gays' (when they are coming from white queers. im obviously not saying that the racism in the gay community shouldnt be adressed, but look at most of the white gay jokes, this term is often used with no actual relevance) or 'cis gays' (when said jokes could totally target trans gay men too). its thinking that cis gays and lesbians are the opressor and are privileged as if they dont face homophobia or worse in some countries. like obviously there are power dynamics in the community, cis ppl have the cis privilege, but it just sounds so hypocritical to pretend that cis gays are the ennemy cause they have more privileges and at the same time refuse to aknowledge that trans hets have privileges by being het (yes this is discourse i have seen yes it did make me want to die).

i could go on, but yeah, its ''little'' things that seem ''harmless'' but in the end they add up. and again, it highly depends on who you follow. rn on twitter i mostly follow gays and lesbians who have similar political views as me, so i either see very good stuff or bad stuff when it gets debated. i also think its important to think critically. everyone who participates in discourse says things as if they are the One Truth, but there are in fact many different point of views! just because someone doesnt use the same vocabulary, or doesnt have the same world view as you doesnt mean what they say is wrong or queerphobic. you dont have to 'choose one side'! just because im interested in materialism more than queer thinking doesnt mean i reject the queer movement, i still think there are interesting things in it, and that there are certain things in materialism that arent perfect. in the end you just gotta do you and build your own opinion.

hope this answers your question lol im certain that there are people who'd be more qualified to answer than me with my not-perfect-english. have a nice day <3