#this is not sponsered though i wish it were lol

[tbartss]

HELLO DID Y'ALL KNOW ARSTATION COURSES ARE FREE UNTIL THE END OF 2021 IF YOU MAKE A FREE ACCOUNT INCLUDING COURSES ON CONCEPT ART AND CHARACTER DESIGN??? ALL FOR FREE

[working-on-becoming-a-better-me]

Day 253—Mar. 23, 2021

Okay, so the numbers for my previous consecutive posts were off by a day (like a day ahead) and February 7′s math was way off, but I googled this! so from here on out, we will be accurate! let’s go bois!

BIG UPDATE BOIS! Essentially? I’VE GOTTEN BETTER! Mental health is better, habits are better, outlook on life is better, productivity... isn’t as high as it was when I first started the blog, but it’s doing MUCH better than November and even January.

coping with minecraft:

So, I’m still addicted to the dream smp minecraft fandom. my friend got me a dream hoodie, bucket hat, and a georgenotfound hoodie for my birthday. but! I’m coping better. I’m behind on streams, and am now catching up during Spring Break. For a while, I was pushing back school work to watch and catch up on streams. I promised myself that during free periods I would work since I was catching up on streams at home, and then... yeah. ANYWAY! I’ve gotten a lot better at that recently by noticing that even fanart accounts (accounts dedicated to mcyt-ers) were talking about how they didn’t watch a phasmaphobia stream because they weren’t interested in it, or talking about how they were behind on streams... it really helped me accept the fact that I can be a real fan and not watch every single stream.

cultural convention:

My international school does events with other international schools but because of covid, we can’t travel. I act and made varsity drama (we call it a different name, but yeah!) and we had virtual conferences. I was incredibly friendly and loud and there were tons of zoom calls. Our schools kinda known for being... uh, stuck up? and kinda elitist. Not like I was being fake, but I was making an effort to talk during calls and be active on group chats made. I joke-flirt a lot and focused my attention on one person. A whole thing ensued, but some of the other actors in my school (there were only 11 of us) were joking abut sending me to “horny jail” and one girl kept apologizing for me. During “lounge sessions” I would interject with what I thought were funny comments and she’d say “again, I’d like to apologize for her behavior” and... uh... I cried at school. Cuz I’ve heard way too many times from too many different people about how I’m embarrassing... BUT.

What really helped was the fact that there were late night zoom calls and I was one of only three kids from my school the first night on a call with around 25 people. Other people said I helped give them a really good first impression of our school, especially considering all the things they’d heard previously. The guy I joke-flirted with (I previously dmed him asking if he was okay with it and he said he was) said on a call that I was one of the funniest people he’d met in a while. It was a huge confidence booster in knowing that the efforts I was making were paying off :)

confidence:

Since starting this blog, I’ve been trying to be nicer to myself. I’ve been practicing more positive self speak and have recently realized the difference between the way I speak about and to myself and how some other people do. Being nicer to myself out loud has helped a lot in feeling better and more comfortable.

I wanted to try wearing black masks, but my mom bought the wrong kind. They had patterns and I was really nervous because I didn’t really want to stand out. I used to not care, but... I dunno. Teenagehood and whatnot. We wear uniforms too, so the only differences are in accessories, hair, etc. I’m not sure why, but I was really nervous to wear the new mask patterns to school. But I told myself it was an experiment, to force me to be more confident. I actually forgot I was wearing it until I saw myself. And since I’d posted on my private story saying I was doing this to try and be more comfortable, some of my friends came up to me and told me it was actually cute. Shows that I really had nothing to stress for. Not that it was really self-expression, but for me, and anyone else who needs to hear this, no one cares. Maybe they even wish they had the courage to wear different things as well.

mcyt mantra:

I have a mantra now! adapted from something drunk Wilbur Soot said during Quackity’s livestream, I think. I repeat it when I’m happy and when I’m nervous or scared and I guess... I dunno, I’m like classically conditioning myself? Except not really since I’m doing it out of order. But yeah! get yourself a mantra!!!

character day:

more with confidence! spirit week is just an excuse for kids to not wear their uniforms, but I put a lot of effort into an Ace Ventura outfit I put together. I only saw around two or three other people actually dressed up as characters, but I had so much fun and thought I looked amazing. I was proud that I wasn’t a normie ;]

Also... it’s so humid in this country and the rubber bottoms of my boots actually stuck to the pavement and fell off. I spent the day without the bottoms of my shoes and it was so funny. Even my mom laughed after (she laughed for so long, it was adorable) and she said only I could pull it off and that the friend I walk to school with everyday is lucky to have me as a friend. My mom was telling me about how she never had a friend like me growing up, just so weird and goofy. And it made me happy to think that I can bring so much... zaniness to people’s lives

ao3:

been writing a lot more recently! haven’t been posting on my writing blog since it’s all fanfiction, but it’s helping me write! I update one of my stories every two weeks. When I feel like I’m not doing enough, it’s a nice reminder that I actually can be consistent. I may be getting better... who knows :)

nehs:

been editing lots of papers even though I don’t need to anymore since I made vp of my school’s nehs chapter. but it’s helping me learn too! I’m very instinctual when writing, but obviously when I’m editing I can’t just ask them to change something because “it doesn’t sound right”. So I google explanations and then tell the people who’s papers I’m editing. It helps both them and me!

ipad/drawing:

got a new ipad for my birthday. been messing around with procreate. been doodling in class (only dream team characters so far lol). might be getting better... hopefully I am!

also have a sticky notes app on my ipad and been creating to-do lists! yay!

teaching:

been teaching students in cambodia! last year I had a teaching partner who guided lessons mostly. this year I’m the leading teacher. It’s helping with my fear of leadership and responsibility.

social:

still not the most social, but more active on snapchat now with keeping in contact with some of the cultural convention kids. covids made it harder to keep in contact, and I’ve been trying to reach out more to my closest friend who I’ve not hung out with in a while. not that we don’t see each other at lunch every other day, but I walk to school with, share a class and after school study hall with another friend. so comparably, I’ve spent less time with my closest friend.

recently had a spa day with my small neighborhood gang! my friend painted my other guy friend’s nails! yes! we used face masks as well :)

general update:

- went to the pool the other day and now I’m hecka burnt

- yesterday I wrote letters for honor society points, caught up on math hw, wrote a reflection and plan for a class, reviewed chinese with my mom, met up with my “mentor” for a class

- have been helping a lot of people! am currently a part of two people’s pieces for their theater class and I have a rehearsal later today!

- was doing a lot of work as an officer of thespian honor society—I’m likely going to be on the officer team again next year and, until a few weeks ago, I hadn’t felt like I’d been doing much and was feeling unworthy. but then I was proactive about something and updated our sponser (school’s drama director) on what we as officers decided. felt... prettyyy goooodddd :)

- !!! yesterday I went on a walk and brought money and my student ID, ready to buy bubble tea, but then... I mustered up what little willpower I had and then didn’t buy it. Instead, I bought surprise lilies for my mom (and some groceries she asked me to get)   - been trying to cut out unnecessary sugars and foods. if I’m not hungry, I shouldn’t eat, but also... I listen to my body and if I’m feeling really snacky, I’ll indulge   - recently been craving ice cream, but not the flavors in my fridge so instead I’m just not eating ice cream at all and ate an apple once as a substitute :D

- not sure if I’ve been sleeping more, but it kinda feels like I have been?

- started taking pictures of the world when I think it’s pretty one sunny afternoon when I was laughing lots with a friend... especially right after cul con, I was taking a lot more pictures...

- just been more active (not physically... though occasionally, when bored, I’ll stretch some... but I should try and get more active (I mean... the walk yesterday?))... creatively speaking (ao3, with art), socially online (cul con kids), in person (making plans over spring break!)...

- I just feel like I’ve been putting more effort into life

of course, there are the down bits, like for one project based class where the end product is due in May-ish and it focuses on the “process”... I’m just... not... process-ing. I chose a writing project (why). I’m focusing a lot on my side projects, but not my class writing one :/ as well as that, when assignments pick up, I do too, but when I get down time I feel like I deserve it (which I do!) but I don’t work ahead. I’ve been really busy though. Teaching got cancelled because the school in Cambodia shut down unfortunately due to covid. But before spring break, I was teaching, editing papers, writing my own for lang, doing cul con and then catching up on work I missed because of cul con, studying for tests, attending rehearsals... there’s a lot going on and I need to recognize that I am doing so well, especially compared with a few months prior when I was in a much darker place.

mostly stress has been my plague, but yeah! also in the span of one week, two classes bumped up a grade (or half a grade... we have letters and + system (no -)) so my previously low gpa became slightly less low! It gave me confidence that I can end the semester strong!

procrastination: another plague. I keep delaying setting up college counseling meetings and have delayed this update for a while now... and the project-class...

also have babysitting jobs again so we gon get some monnaayyyyy! (job is not from people we met at the pool, but we did meet people at the pool and their kids liked me so much they asked me mom to get me to babysit them... another boost to confidence! yay :) I’m a likeable person :] )

thanks for sticking around! I’m glad I’m getting this update in because I’m doing... really well :D hope you guys are also doing well or that it gets better!

[katastrophycal]

Just Now Watching Riverdale Commentary

Part One: ***SPOILERS*** •Awww I missed Little Cole’s voice •Is it just me or does Jughead wickedly remind you of Stiles? •Of course the murder mystery involves twins •Awww look at Betty •Damn look at Archie •Wait does that make Archie Scott? •Yasss Veronica •Oh boy does that make her Allison.. •Kevin went from 0%-100% in .02 seconds •Everyone’s eyebrow game is on point •Why do I cringe at at Archie and Grundy but am in love with Aria and Ezra?? •I thought I’d be riding the Betty/Archie or Veronica/Archie train but can I get some Jughead/Archie to go with that black eye? •so jughead has my sense of humor •Polly gonna end up pregnant, dead, or worse •Annnd Cheryl looks like Lydia •Which leaves Betty as… Malia…. •Why are there so many redheads… Its like they’re related… Oooh wouldn’t that be dramatic •Veronica’s family end to some Shady Stuff •Sooo Polly is crazy. Betty is crazy. Cheryl is crazy. Veronica is crazy. Maybe the real mystery is how none these chicks getting locked up •This girl power band is gonna talk shit to Archie about him being privileged when she gets gigs from Mother Mayor? •KEVIN IF YOU DO NOT GET WITH DIS BAMF GANGSTA AND GIVE ME SOME WEST SIDE STORY SHIST I SWEAR TO GOD •Are Archie’s Dad and Veronica’s Mom gonna do the do? •….how long…has my little baby…been homeless… •Meh I guess I can vibe with some Jughead x Betty •Kevin is meee when Cheryl walked in with that white dress •Jughead’s Humor is my humor. •Oooohhhh boy so even more forbidden love is coming ie. WhAt happened with Jason and Polly?? •I straight up thought Lyd-CHERYL was getting abused… •Archie needs to pick a side hoe •Some Hattfield and McCoys stuff in dis town •I do believe “Founding Families” was made famous by The Vampire Diaries •No freaking way a SOPHMORE makes freaking Varsity captain, no matter if he turns it down or otherwise •Jughead is like Chloe in Smallville… Minus the Meteor Freaks •This bitch of a mom gives one of my babies the side eye one more time, idgaf if you were Wendy I will cut you •Aww I’m sorry Archie •Yassss Gurl you stay loyal to yo girls •Ronnie I love you, but is there anything you can’t do? •So looks like I spoke to soon on the girl band •Ewww I called the parent hook up •So call me a fake fan but what happened to Archie’s mom •Yikes Josie’s mom needs to calm down, I retract my previous judgement on Josie •Yikes chill out V •Archie baby you need to work on your Lady Skills •WHY ARE SOPHMORES WEARING 7 INCH HEALS??? •Wow is the school not gonna call Betty’s psycho of a mom about her skipping? Damn wish I went there •Give me more Jughead humor •Yikes this place is well enough stocked with crosses for the demon apocalypse •CALLED IT!!! •Are they sisters in real life? •So their mom is psycho but she’s the one in an asylum!?! •this poor girl •So even though the story is pretty dull, Archie does have a good voice •Here comes the psycho •Yass sisters before misters •**Except for Jughead** •he tried to protect them • Are any of these parents in a stable relationship?? With each other??? •Going out for fries after an awkward fancy dinner is me • YEP RIVERDALE? MORE LIKE DYSFUNCTION-DALE •Is it legal for her to be a shareholder of that company at 16? •Shady AF family •Dis boi is more mallable than silly putty •BUT DIS OTHER BOI DOE •CLIMBED THROUGH A WINDOW •MADE HER FEEL BETTER •MADE A JOKE WITH DAT JUGHEAD HUMOR AFTER KISSING HER •JUGGY?!?!?!!!! •Good, le girls are back at it again •No way a school lets them wear that to a school sponsered event, which would then spark a anti dress code riot •look at my babes investigating •Lol drougs yeh wat du we du wit deez? •Oooooh somebody gonna take that car •Why is Archie going first though? Of the amuters anyway •Betty and Jughead who? Nah don’t worry about them they just out solving murders •These dicks of teamates gonna make fun of him for days before this performance than act like everything’s all cool? •Yikes if that ain’t a revenge face if I ever saw one… •If Jughead and Betty get blamed for that car I swear to god •Awww poor Polly •Aaaahh!!! My baby doesnt have his beanie on •Also does not have his shirt on •Lol now he reminds me of Caleb my pll baby •Boi you best go live with your best friend, I would kill to do that •Although in that town you might not wanna follow that advice •Ruh Roh, Juggy hasn’t told Archie… •Welp he does now.. And so does V •Jughead’s humor Is. My. Humor. •"Higher than god: The Blossom’s • LOL keep something from Cheryl, yeah right •I swear if Archie tries to cock/vagblock this ship •Minions? •Aww “Veronica approves” •Yikes Jughead, glad you got out of that toxicity •lol #married •Damn right you’re sorry Archie •You know if Kev and Jug had a baby there is a 99% probability it would be me •And V, you’re almost on the same level as Archie on terms of partner rushing… So perfect for each other? •Ohhh boy, the rich vs the moral • Why you always lyin? •Freaking emotionally constipated people •But spontaneous kissing can make up for that •Why are attics always so urber creepy •I need more family bonding moments •Everybody lyin to their kids in this town •#Aunties Unite • So Tensions are high at the Jughead+Archie family reunion •you gonna tell me they let 16 year olds into a nightclub? I get that they’re all like 27 but.. And the Mayor’s kid nonetheless? •"She sat me down on my canopy bed"… Yeah kinda snootty there V •Don’t trust them Polly •Shit. Drunks are never fun when they drunk and mad on tv •Yep still shipping the bromance •Is this really how rich people deal with their problems? •Nonononononono •You are not gonna pin this on my baby •She believes him. •"I’m not gonna let that happen" •LOOK AT THIS FAMILY YOU GOT HERE JUGGY •Archie I love you for sticking up for him •Frank I love you for sticking up for him •Poor Auntie Cheryl. Poor Momma Polly. Poor Auntie Betty So all in all.... YASSSSSS long way from this ain't we