#this is not necessary a vent not at all in the slightest

[ironunderstands]

AAAAAAAAA

Genuinely I feel annoying as fuck for saying this but like I can’t stand the way anybody else but me or my mutuals writes Aventio/Ratiorine 90% of the time

So, to vent my frustration, here’s a not in order at all bulleted list of stuff I absolutely despise when seeing content of them. This is not to call ppl out or anything, I just wanna rant about my preferences lol

oh and cw: mentions of slavery, nsfw, suicidal tendencies and non-con

-one or both of them being way to horny/flirty

Maybe this could work in content with an established relationship, but like, these guys don’t fuck, I’m sorry, they don’t. They are the biggest virgin losers ever regardless of if they have had sex in the past or not. Some of yall don’t get that they were acting in Penacony for the most part and Aventurine’s flirtiness didn’t have any weight behind it, he was really just messing with Ratio. I think if he were seriously trying to court Ratio, he’d probably be LESS flirty, but that’s just me. I understand why people make nsfw of them without any kinda buildup because well it’s fun, but for me personally I don’t really like it 90% of the time, however I fully get this is a me thing. I can tolerate it more in fanart bc well it’s fanart so yeah there’s not gonna be 3000k words of lore behind it, but like if I’m reading a fic and Aventio go from not even being in a relationship to having sex on a whim it just confuses me.

-yandere anything

I despise this trope already but it makes me 100000x more annoyed because holy shit neither of them would be a yandere I get it some people like this but WHYY THEMMM it doesn’t make sense. Yandere Aventurine makes me even more mad bc why the fuck would he make someone suffer like he did when he was younger???

-emotionless Ratio

Idk why half the community treats Ratio like he’s an unfeeling logic robot who’s sole goal is knowledge even when the game beats you over the head about how he’s the exact fucking opposite of that, but honestly I think this is just a symptom of the fact that a lot of ratiorine writers don’t give two fucks about him at all and he’s practically written as a plot device for Aventurine’s characterization.

-misunderstanding why Ratio is a tsundere

I’ve seen a lot of people misinterpret how and why Ratio is a tsundere towards Aventurine, citing it as if he doesn’t want to be associated with him/looks down upon him/is ashamed to like him when that’s really not true at all. Ratio respects and cares about Aventurine a hell of a lot, and he isn’t shy at all to show it when it’s necessary (see DSAIWYTBOL or the “if you can’t hold on any longer then tell me”). However, the reason he pushes away Aventurine isn’t exactly personal (although Aventurine’s closeness to him is part of the reason why).

Rather, Ratio tends to downplay his close relationships a lot, likely as a defense mechanism, as he admits himself that he isn’t good with people in one of the dialogue options with trailblazer for the express visits. Now why he is this way is a subject of speculation because Ratio rarely ever talks about himself, and the only character who actually has a voiceline on him is Aventurine himself, so it’s very hard to get an outside perspective on him. His character stories don’t really help that much either, as they are more about his personal philosophy and journey in life rather than his personality.

However, taking what Ratio says towards Aventurine at face value when he has proven the opposite (especially considering how the trope of the tsundere is kinda centered on the character in question spouting bullshit) results in people completely misunderstanding their relationship which can get REALLY annoying. Ratio doesn’t think Aventurine is an idiot in the slightest, he just worries about how his methods put himself in danger, not his capabilities.

-fast burn

You’re telling me these emotionally constipated idiots will get together easily? No. There’s a reason I write the most crazy bullshit happening to them before a confession scene and that’s because that’s the only way you can get them to confront their goddamn feelings quickly.

-slavery aus/anything like this

Self explanatory. If you have fetishized Aventurine’s past or made stuff like this please stay 1000 feet away from me at all times or block me. Thank you 🙏

-babying Aventurine

He’s one of the most competent members of the cast, but somehow people act like his breakdown scene in 2.1 is how he behaves 24/7 when that isn’t true at all. Aventurine is incredibly smart, and single-handedly clawed his way to the top. He does not need Ratio to save him. Would he appreciate Ratio’s support? Of course, and he definitely needs loving relationships in his life, but Aventurine isn’t a damsel in distress and not everything in his life is miserable and related to his trauma.

-or the horrible reverse of babying Aventurine: his trauma doesn’t exist actually and he’s perfectly fine/ they write him like it never happened

This one is rather rare and it has overlap with a few of the other points (seriously I’m gonna tweak out the next time someone writes the character who is implied to have survived sex trafficking being a person who would even dream of crossing others boundaries). Usually this happens because people treat Aventurine’s playboy mask as if it’s his actual personality and not traits he picked up to survive and succeed at his goals, and while admittedly even Aventurine is losing track of where the mask ends and he begins, some of y’all take it wayy to far even going on to unironically call him a fuckboy when he’s anything but that. The thing is, I think this happens when people erase who Kakavasha is from their minds, and act as if that side of Aventurine is a purely innocent child and all the “bad” parts of him are part of Aventurine’s mask. However, that’s not true, and Aventurine’s most admirable traits ARE Kakavasha’s. His strategicness, his intellegence, his bravery, these are all traits he possessed long before becoming Aventurine of stratagems, something which he demonstrated when he for example got his sisters neckless back, or made that bet with his first enslaver.

Aventurine’s purity and Aventurine’s capabilities are not separated between Kakavasha and Aventurine of Stratagems, both of those qualities ARE Kakavasha’s so if you are going to write him with the mask off, you have to write BOTH, not give into one or the other.

The things I tend to drop when writing him with the mask off are his false compliments and niceties, acting like he really gives a shit about the IPC’s goals, turning down the flamboyance and cockiness to reasonable levels and making him seem less like he’s playing pretend. Honestly I don’t think it’s that hard yet this is still a pitfall I see a lot of people stumbling into.

-Ratio talking like a goddamn encyclopedia

I understand he’s like that sometimes, but he also is well versed in internet lingo and seriously nobody unironically talks like that 24/7 because it’s pointless, and Ratio doesn’t use big words to seem smart, he uses them when they are necessary.

Like I’m sorry but if they are in a middle of having sex and unprompted Ratio starts talking like a biology textbook I’m closing the fic and running around my room screaming BECAUSE GOD IS IT CRINGE. Promoted it can be funny because yeah I can see him doing that but oh my god HE WOULD NOT SAY THAT I don’t even want to give an example it pisses me off that bad but trust me it’s a common phenomenon AND I HATE IT

-Aventurine trying to kill himself 24/7

He isn’t an active suicide risk every goddamn day of his life, he’s just self destructive and those are TWO DIFFERENT THINGS.

Yes, he tested if you could die in the dreamscape several times, but that’s because one of the favorable outcomes for his mission WOULD BE DYING in the dreamscape. He’s not doing this during a normal work week and even if I believe he still has suicidal tendencies, he’s not gonna throw his life away randomly or over nothing

-Ratio holds authority over Aventurine in any capacity

No, just no. Like the only other thing he might have over him is being intelligent, although they both are smart at different things so even then does it matter? Like I’m sorry but normal human with the ability to float and make imaginary constructs versus LITERAL FUCKING STONEHEART is not a fair fight on Ratio’s end. It doesn’t matter that he’s physically larger than Aventurine, muscles don’t mean shit in a sci-fi setting, especially when your opponent can just summon 3 bajillion coins to drop into your head at a whim and there’s nothing you can do about it. Not like Aventurine would ever dream of hurting him, of course, but seriously people need to stop acting like their different in stature really means anything. Even in terms of position, Aventurine probably outranks him so this false sense of authority people apply to Ratio in their relationship is confusing at best.

Hmm, well that’s all the things I remember to bitch about although I probably have more complaints. To be fair, whenever they aren’t written like incredibly smart people who are idiots hopelessly in love with one another when together I pop a blood vessel so most of these (besides THAT one) are non issues and if you have made/enjoyed these don’t feel ashamed because of my opinions. I needed to let out my inner grinch every once and awhile, so thanks for reading

[mariejordans]

i honestly don’t even know where to begin with this post, so i guess i’ll start with hi! sorry, i’ve been gone so long, though probably most of you didn’t even notice i was gone lol. sorry for not giving any warning to my absence, and i am especially sorry to the mutuals who have reached out to me that i haven’t responded to. i was and still am struggling with anxiety and depression and towards the new year it was getting to be a bit much for me, so i decided to take a mental health break from social media.

i’d honestly been contemplating coming back, but today i received a dm from someone with a link to a post that was accusing me of bullying and creating fake accounts to bully other people in this fandom. first of all, i would like to emphasize that this is not true. attached below is a screenshot of all the blogs that i own (EDIT 2/9/24: i have since deleted the screenshot for my own privacy and i believe that since i made this post, there has been more than enough evidence to clear my name.) milfsociety is my main account, which i have linked before on this blog and many of my mutuals also follow me on my main, and the rest of them are just me saving my old usernames or other sideblogs that i rarely use, but all of them have been inactive for two months at least.

i do NOT condone bullying ever, and to be continually accused of it by this person is very disheartening. it started with this post (seen below) that i made back in november after seeing a post discrediting marie as the main character of gen v. i admit that my language was probably a bit harsher than was necessary, but honestly my intention was not to send hate to op (which is why i never tagged it with any gen v related tags) but to defend marie. it also wasn’t meant to be solely specific to this one person but as a general post because at the time, there were lots of accounts discrediting marie and to be honest, i was just kinda venting bc of how sick of it i was. (also, just to mention, i have intentionally left out their username because the last thing i want is to send hate to this person.) this was the only post i made on the topic and later i heard that apparently op blocked me afterward (which does not offend me in the slightest since i have since done the same thing) so this honestly should have been the end of it.

i honestly hadn’t given this post a second thought until a little under a month later i received this ask out of nowhere, accusing me of ableism and bullying. i replied to this ask, which i will link here. honestly this ask came as a complete shock to me, because i had honestly forgotten all about my previous post.

i responded to anon and in the reply i apologized to their friend for my hurtful comments and expressed that it was never my intention to attack anyone, especially anyone with a disability, which i did not know about when i initially made the first post. i also explained my side, stating why i made the post in the first place, which i still stand by. originally, i had linked their post in my reply, which in hindsight was a mistake that i regret and i should’ve known better. again, my last intention ever is to spread hate and negativity or to bully anyone, so i deleted the link when i was asked by a third party. this person has also since deleted that post about marie entirely.

shortly after i posted the reply, i guess i can only assume that whoever anon was told them about the reply. i’m honestly not sure if they’ve ever actually read this reply or not, but they made a response to my reply, accusing me of harassment and bullying. honestly, it really confused me at the time, since i’d only made two posts in reference to them, and one was a reply to an ask, but we ended up having a third party account who was mutuals with both of us acting as a mediator to settle things and i genuinely wanted to move on from the situation. we both had each other blocked and it seemed to me that anon was just trying to instigate more drama between us, so i thought it best to just leave it at that. i was also going through some mental health issues at the time (unrelated to this situation even though it didn’t help) and had been considering taking a break from tumblr, and so i thought it would be best to just go inactive for a while.

this is honestly the first time i’ve used tumblr in the two months since i’ve been gone, so i have no idea what else has been happening regarding any other blogs and this person, but apparently i am being named as the sole instigator here and i just wanted to once and for all clear up this issue and my name. i’m honestly not sure if this person will see this post or if they’ll even accept it as truth. i can’t force them or anyone to believe me as i really don’t know what else i’d have to do to prove that i don’t have any other secret accounts other than making this post.

i will probably continue to be inactive on this account as i think it is in everyone’s best interest. i never wanted to contribute or start any drama in this fandom, but i feel like i am partially responsible in how this situation has turned out, so i would also like to apologize to you all as well. i’ve never had an account of mine get as big as this one has (thank you to everyone who liked and supported my silly little ramblings!) and i can honestly say i have had the best time interacting and fangirling with you all about this show and these characters that i love so much and i will continue to enjoy and love gen v and marie from afar!

goodbye for now,

rose (aka mariejordans)

[general--winter]

uchiha shisui x reader - get some sleep

author's note: I promise I am working on requests, but holy shit I love Shisui so much. There's not enough content for me to be satisfied, so I think it's my job to provide. Please take this vent fic about my insomnia and my long distance relationship where I wish I could cuddle with my partner to sleep like this :(

rating: general

fandom: naruto

pairings: uchiha shisui x gn!reader

word count: 2288

warnings: insomnia

summary: You haven't gotten a good night's rest in weeks, and your roommate (secret crush, actually!) takes notice. You try to keep yourelf under control, but the sleep deprivation catches up to you.

The back of your eyelids are supposed to be the best thing you look at every day. Most people spend one third of their lives looking at it, so how could it possibly be so hard for you to enjoy it?

Your whiny grunt echoed throughout the eerily quiet and dark room, the sound of shuffling sheets ricocheting off of every surface imaginable while you adjusted your sleeping position yet again. Their slipping noise might as well have been as loud as standing next to a damn waterfall, because it made your eyes snap open for the umpteenth time that night. Accompanied by a throbbing headache and a parched mouth, you resigned yourself to a while longer with no sleep and padded your way into the kitchen of your apartment.

3:28 read the clock while you poured yourself a glass of water from the almost-empty filter. Fuck, had you seriously been awake and aware that entire time? Catching the clock in your room throughout the night at 12:50, 1:36, 2:47, or even 3:04 convinced you that yes, you couldn’t sleep. Again.

How long has it been since you’ve gotten more than one or two hours of fitful rest at night? A week, at least. Your sanity was practically caffeine and a prayer strung together with kiddie glue and ninety-nine cent store twine. At first you thought it was work. Five back-to-back A rank missions would ruin any jonin’s month, especially if you flubbed the last one for your team due to lacking the coordination necessary. But even after you were given the next three weeks off by the new Hokage, a friend of yours by the name of Kakashi, it was as if sleep was even harder to come by.

You figured maybe it was a jutsu of some kind that an enemy had been able to place on you, but Sakura was personally able to confirm you were not under any sort of chakra influence at the hospital. She was able to prescribe a medication to help you sleep while you waited for a formal appointment on the matter, but when you got back to your room, you gazed at the half-empty bottle in disappointment. All that did is give me the migraine of my life, you thought, wincing at the pain that was no longer there. You had headaches every night after laying fitfully on your pillows for hours on end, but you could have sworn that one had you dying, nauseous and wanting to murder the sun and every bird that started chirping that morning.

A door on the other end of your apartment gently made a noise, something you definitely didn’t expect. Your breathing became rapid as you sat on the edge of your bed, waiting to see if you heard anything else. You weren’t in a state to fight at all, and your roommate, Shisui Uchiha, somehow slept like a fucking log when he wasn’t on a mission. Your face contorted into a scowl. Sure, Shisui was nice, you considered him among your closest friends, and you maybe had the slightest crush on him, but this already smelled rotten of a half-baked scheme. But there’s no way you woke him up in the middle of the night, right?

Knock, knock, knock!

The sound of your own bedroom door being gently tapped made you jump and wind up a fist, ready to see who would come through, daring to invade your home.

“Are you alright in there?” a gentle voice you recognized immediately sounded through the thick wood.

You had woken your roommate and secret crush, Shisui, up. Somehow. You’d been so quiet, too, at least you thought. Why was he up? Or was he never asleep?

“Yeah, I’m fine,” you responded in a rasp through the door. “Just had to grab some water. Forgot to take a glass with me to bed.”

He made a noise of confirmation. “Sounds like you need it. Jeez. You were stumbling through the kitchen like a bull in a pottery shop.”

“Is there anything you need?” you pointedly asked. I’d like to get back to kicking and whining in bed.

“I actually can’t sleep. You want to hang out for a little while?” Shisui proposed through the door.

An odd development. Shisui of the Body Flicker, one of the strongest shinobi in Konoha, was to your knowledge, the heaviest sleeper you’d ever met.

“No, I’m okay.”

“Come on, not gonna help a friend out?”

Ugh. He’s gonna pull this.

You swung the door into your room to greet him. From above, Shisui was giving you a pout and serious puppy dog eyes. His black locks were smushed in on one side, making a small mound of hair. And looking at his eyes, they were cutely puffed up from lack of sleep. This man was too adorable for his own good. You wanted to reach your hand out to smooth his hair, and you almost did in your sleep-deprived state.

“Guilting me, huh?” you instead said.

“You know you can’t resist.” He threw a lopsided grin your way.

“No, I can’t,” you grumbled. You took your full glass and stumbled out of your room. The lamp had been flicked on, bathing the simple common room in a warm, yellow light. Vaguely, you recognized that splashes of water were tipping over your cup and hitting the rug. 

In one swift motion, Shisui took a seat on the couch and draped his arm over the top, inviting you to sit next to him. You took him up, grabbing the remote on your way. Ah, you wondered, he probably just wants to watch more television and didn’t want to disturb me.

A year or two ago, due to the many scientific alliances and treaties between the great shinobi nations, technology and communications developed at a rapid pace. One of these new inventions, television, provided entertainment in the homes of the masses via video. The television could show the viewer anything that was filmed with cameras; it looked like you were actually somewhere you were not. And well, your roommate had developed a habit of watching various nature documentaries in his down time. For the cute animals.

“Do you wanna watch Kiri Geographic?” Shisui snatched the remote from your hands and flicked on the television. “I’m going to put it on anyway, but what I’m asking is if you’ll be interested or if you’ll whine the entire time.”

“No, no,” you muttered. “Sounds like a good plan.”

The channel flicked on. On the screen, images of various sea creatures that lived in the Land of Water were shown. You registered some seals preying on penguins. The storylines of these shows really were ridiculous, the narrator always took the side of the prey, but what about the seal? Doesn’t he have to eat? Why does no one ever…

You jolted up automatically as your muscles lost control of themselves; your body began to slump towards the man sitting next to you. The smell of rosewood wafted to your nose and shocked your entire system when you realized your head had almost plopped straight onto his chest. Shit. I wouldn’t have been able to recover from that.

“All good there?” Shisui asked, not peeling his eyes from the television. You thought you caught a glint in his eye.

“Um… yeah, I’m okay. I just…” you started, your voice drifting off. You hated bothering Shisui with your issues, no matter how big or small. Unfortunately, he was persistent, and your brain was immensely foggy.

“Just what?” He lowered his arm to your shoulders, making your entire body stiffen like a wooden board. The simple motion sucked all of the breath out of your lungs and caused your heart to skip a beat. There was no reply to muster. 

“Seriously, (Y/N), use your words. Something’s up with you.” Shisui threw another grin at you.

Why is he acting so damn flirty tonight? you wondered. Sure, the two of you teased each other all of the time, but not like this…

“I, uh. I think I’m getting sleepy out here, so I’m gonna go back to my room,” you lied through your teeth, springing up and away from Shisui’s touch. “I’ll see you tomorrow. And don’t feel bad about the television, it won’t keep me up.” No, my dumb fucking body is doing that just fine.

“Your body is keeping you awake?” Shisui flicked off the program, leaning forward towards you. Had you just said your thoughts aloud? Fuck. It sure didn’t feel like it. In embarrassment, you scampered back to your room, the Uchiha hot on your heels.

A feeble attempt to shut your door was met by Shisui’s calloused hand on the edge, boxing you in. The warm light filtered into your dark room around the corner.

“Can I come in?” he gently asked, his soft eyes looking down at you.

I don’t want to bother him but… I think he wants to help, your brain struggles. On one hand, it’s totally mortifying to imagine telling Shisui any of the problems that had plagued you for the past weeks. But your body had enough of this. It made the decision for you, hijacking your brain.

“Yes, you can come in. Please help.”

Giving up, you opened the door further for him, immediately getting into your double bed to hide under the covers. Shisui took a seat on the edge, his eyes softly looking down at you. 

“I know everything from Lady Tsunade and Sakura-san,” he said in his smooth and relaxing voice. “You can’t fall asleep. Nothing’s working.”

“Why would they tell you?” you questioned back with an unintended amount of venom. “I was about to tell you anyway.”

“They know how stubborn you are. Kakashi had to force you to take off for the next few weeks, yeah?”

Dramatically, you turned your face into your pillow and let out a groan.

“Okay, so what? What are you gonna do about it?” You turned to face Shisui.

“Is there anything I can do to help you?” he proposed with a soft look on his face. Shit. His expression was oozing with concern, with fondness, with… love? It swayed you. Drew out a deep, repressed desire of yours. You drew up the corner of your comforter and scooted over.

“Lay… with me?”

Fuck. Why would I do that? you scolded in your head. I’m such an idiot, I’m so stupid, he would never—

“Of course,” he whispered, laying next to you.

Your head emptied of thoughts. Shisui was laying down next to you. Your roommate. Your friend. Your crush. His warmth and smell encapsulated you. You were drunk on it, your mind hazed. In a moment of what you would call ‘brilliance’ nowadays (but at the time it was more so a moment of ��idiocy’), you decided to wrap your arms around Shisui and bury your head in his shoulder blades, relishing in the texture of his cotton bed shirt on your face. He laughed lightly, and you could feel the vibration on your cheek.

“You wanna cuddle? Is that going to help you sleep?” Shisui teased. You knew that this is incredibly out of character. But you were delusional from lack of sleep. If Shisui could get you to fall asleep, then you were going to kill two birds with one stone— finally sleep and show your feelings to Shisui Uchiha.

“It’s not. But I figured it would be comfortable.”

This drew another laugh from him. He spun around and you were now laying against his shoulder, the rest of your body flush with Shisui’s. From under you, his arm came and wrapped around your waist. The view of his face was foreign. Up close, he was incredibly handsome. You could see every detail of his lashes, every shadow that wisped around his eyes. It caused your heart to flutter uncontrollably.

“Hmm, comfortable. Laying against me? I might get the wrong idea if you keep saying things like that.”

“No, I think you’ll be getting the right idea.”

“We can talk about this in the morning” he whispered, his other hand reaching up to brush a stray piece of hair from your face and rest palm-down on your cheek. His scent washed over you. You were positive he could feel your heart racing there. 

“But I think I know how to help you sleep. Only for one night, but getting one night of normal rest might help you get back into the rhythm,” Shisui spoke gently to you, his black eyes meeting your own in the dim light of your room.

“And what would that be?” you questioned, voice slurring with exhaustion. You could barely focus on anything but how beautiful his eyes were.

“I can put you under a genjutsu. It will put you to sleep without fail.”

“Really?” you asked, elated. In an instant, you were nuzzled into his shoulder, arms wrapped around his lithe frame. “Can you at least stay here with me? After I fall asleep?”

“Yes,” Shisui laughed. “I can stay here. Now look into my eyes, okay?”

You obliged without question, the thought of cuddling with Shisui all night and finally getting a night of rest overwhelming you. His eyes focused on yours. So softly, so lovingly. You gazed right back with a similar expression. Red filled your gaze. Shisui’s Sharingan. The tomoe spun slowly, hypnotically. You were enraptured. Shisui hugged you against him tightly but ever so gently. His scent comforted you. His legs wrapped around your own. You were safe. You were secure. You were protected. And your eyelids, heavy with sleep, closed. Shisui finally bestowed upon you true, blissful sleep.

[rabbitindisguise]

I think I'm going to socialize less irl (long vent post under the cut)

I feel like I've tried so hard at the Be Normal And Nourished from Normal Hobbies and Normal Interactions but tbh it just has not worked. I have not become neurotypical in the slightest (well, duh, should have expected that) and I feel like I'm struggling extremely badly with literally everything all of the time. Something has to give and I think "something" is "having more time to relax and reflect because I'm not talking to people 5 out of 7 days a week."

The thing is that like, I want to do what works and feels best for me. But I feel like the outside world can't accept "hermit that mainly does stuff by themselves." The alternative however is becoming what seems to be a huge jerk. No one else seems concerned with this, like they think the jerk-ness is an active choice and not one that arrived organically because circumstances despite my attempts at learning coping mechanisms and things to stop it. People will complain about X behavior (reasonable) and then act totally unconcerned when I'm like "look this is happening because I'm literally at the end of my rope. There's no rope left. I need to get more rope. That is the solution. Eating broccoli, no matter how helpful that is, is not going to give me more rope."

We're supposed to be perfect even when we're miserable is the thing isn't it?? Maybe that makes me a bad person (to fail to do "basic decency" in a bad place) but I'd rather be a bad person and antisocial or whatever than an active jerk while attempting doing "normal." This is a very easy decision to make actually.

I just need like a break. Some time to get it together. Idk.

. . . and like, there's so much to unpack form "be normal."

When I was living with other people, I was obsessed with doing chores properly so no one would have reason to be upset with me (because ADHD fears™), and house organizing was always something I deprioritized as something not worth asking for flexibility on, etc. I couldn't set rules and I couldn't stop doing what I felt was useless but crucially I didn't want to get mad at other people about that. So I tried (failed) to manage myself to make that sort of situation possible.

I'm general "doing normal" is "follow conventional health advice like to talk to your friends when you feel bad." Except I feel bad and it doesn't help. Lose/lose.

Who knows what other stuff I've internalized trying to just Do The Magic Thing to become tolerable. I feel like it's an impossible task and people keep congratulating me for trying but I feel like it's not the thing I want to be hearing tbh. Isn't that what everyone wants, to be accepted even when they don't fit societal norms?? "Thank you for trying to not be your weird self" feels icky. They're just trying to be supportive of what I thought was necessary, I know, I just also didn't pull "do normal" out of my ass- it's everywhere. Everyone seems to have an idea of the basic steps someone who isn't good at socializing should do (shower more, sleep more, eat correct things, do hands on hobbies, join clubs, take leadership roles in organizations, practice self help tips, exist in one community for a long time, talk about what other people are interested in, ask questions, practice active listening, assertive communication, setting boundaries, anger management, venting to friends, doing therapy, doing physical activity, etc etc etc). But no one seems to have any idea that sometimes you're just like this. And by "like this" I don't mean socializing- maybe I'll find a balance of something that will work. No, I mean the thing they think is the key to socializing that everyone should do. I cannot physically do all of them- especially when plenty are contradictory.

It's like weight loss right?? You might feel more alone than ever, feel physically ill, and struggle with constant fatigue- but at least from the outside you look normal! :) you did everything possible to carve away the stuff people blamed your problems on only to find that- surprise!- the problems were unrelated and that was one of the few things that made you content to begin with. Where are people then? What advice do they have when it "works" to satisfy them but the cost is too damn high for you? What explanation do they have when the thing they thought all your problems were the source of does not improve your life in any way? If you're only allowed to have problems if you try to look normal, what happens when looking normal becomes one of your problems? Do they take your word on it, that you tried the normal thing and it was uncomfortable. Do they finally stop pressuring you to do the normal stuff. Do they reconsider their priorities. Or were their "suggestions" from a place of not considering your welfare to begin with?

I guess we'll find out.

[jellycreamjammedart]

Lost and Found (Super)Stars

PT. 4 (index/parts) (Tag: desktop/mobile)

FNAF Security Breach Ruin, post-"betrayal" elevator ending hurt/comfort, Found Family, something I like to call "Hopeful Horror"

Summary: Having had her kindness stomped on then spat back at her, betrayed by who she thought was her friend, and now stuck at the ruined remains of Freddy Fazbear's Mega PizzaPlex, Cassie tries to find the slightest bit of meaning and worth in all of this.

Most of the way back through the cavernous path was silent. Cassie didn't want to linger long enough to wonder how deep underground they were, for there to be things like actual glowing mushrooms, it's just unnerving to think about; and Roxy was anxious to return back to their PizzaPlex place (as ruined as it is now,) feeling as if the cave-like area was going to collapse on them any moment; And they're out of the V.A.N.N.I network coverage zone, meaning Helpi and M.X.E.S as well as the AR world are unavailable until they make it back into the coverage zone.

Yeah, nobody wanted to stick down there longer than necessary.

Seeing the elevator that would take them back up to the PizzaPlex should've been at least mildly relieving, but Cassie felt her chest tighten with dread, especially when thinking on what happened with her on the other elevator. It's almost ironic, how she bickered with Helpi in refusal to use more vents, only to change her mind when he suggested an elevator shaft. Right now, she'd rather take the most decrepit vent filled with the most hostile robot than an elevator. But alas, that was the only way up, so there wasn't really much of a choice. Cassie entered it with Roxy, hoping with all her soul that nothing bad would happen to either of them in there.

The ride up was also silent, but Roxy was very attentive; Every now and then, either one or both her ears would twitch, hearing Cassie's slightly shaky breath, or her soles antsy shifting her weight from one to another, besides the off-sync, lower-pitched elevator music (it sounded so wrong...) She would've asked Cassie if she was okay, if only to cut through the silent elevator ride, but honestly? That's such a dumb question.

Of course Cassie is NOT okay! She's been evading death all night, for someone else, who wasn't even there... and chose not to be there for her when he could be. And she nearly did die down there! Cassie's probably not even fully processed everything.

Roxy keeps herself from growling, if only for the girl's sake as to not concern her. She does, however, gently reach her claws to take hold of the child's much smaller hand into them, a small but nice bit of reassurance, while also respecting possible boundaries of a kid who might be in need of a little space right now. She felt a little, nice flutter in her wirings upon sensing the small hand return the hold, with little to no hesitation.

Her ruined and sharp looks really meant nothing different for Cassie. She was the same beautiful winner she's always been. If Roxy had tear ducts, she'd cry to herself right now.

Fortunately, the elevator ride is not eternal (even if it may have felt like so,) and both are let out back into the more constructed environment. Technically still under Roxy Party Garage, so they make way again. The way up is quite dark, Cassie felt the need to hold Roxy's hand in more of a guiding manner as their feet met the metallic grid surface of the stairs. "Watch your step." She softly instructs the eyeless wolf-- heck, she had to watch her own step, even with the flashlight in her other hand. And Roxy followed suit diligently.

Soon they make it to the end of the staircase and through the door that led them straight to where Cassie had... deactivated Roxy. She pointedly looked away from the spot, the shame that washed over her made her feel almost sick in the stomach. Roxy avoided looking too, it just made her feel sad, for the both of them; while missing her eyes, her hearing was so acute and precise, it was almost as if she was 'seeing' with her ears instead, along a sense of location. At least Helpi and M.X.E.S were back, now that they were within the network coverage zone again.

"Helpi, what's the nearest parent node again?" Cassie asks, feeling as if the little bear was clung to her shoulder over her backpack like a koala, the sensation similar to when she felt M.X.E.S touching her mask. Of course she knows the nodes, she unwisely deactivated them (regrettably,) but there were instances she wasn't sure in which order she did; Even in ruins, the PizzaPlex was huge!

"From our current location, backtracking will lead you into Fazerblast!" Helpi reminded.

Cassie felt her chest constrict; the first thing that came to her mind upon hearing Helpi's answer was the horror of the heavy steps of an once lovable bear beating into her ears as it bolted for her the last time she was there, always on her heels and one second of hesitation away from being grabbed.

"Do not fret!" Helpi is quick to reassure. "Since you're no longer going against the security protocols but rather in their favor, it's unlikely that any distress signals will be emitted to point you as a threat."

Wait, Helpi had a point; the animatronics were going after her because M.X.E.S was calling them over to her in order to protect the security nodes. But now the security bunny had no reason to do that. Sliding her mask back over her face, Cassie looks over to M.X.E.S as if looking for some kind of confirmation to what Helpi said. It refuses to look directly at her, but with an eventual glance her way, it nods its head lightly.

"But I don't recommend dropping your guard completely, either." Helpi quickly adds before Cassie could get 'too comfortable', his mouth a flat line. "If the animatronics see or hear you, they might still come at you independently!"

Oh. Yeah. That does sound rather risky. But so long Cassie hides herself and be quiet, she should be able to sneak past lingering threats. Being a child and small comes with a tiny little advantage point there.

But would that even matter for an animatronic with no eyes or ears but still patrolled? Was that headless Freddy pointedly after her with M.X.E.S' help? Or would it (he?) be clueless without it? Cassie can't imagine how he's functioning without a head. Or what it's like to function without a head. Is that even Freddy? Does it have any semblance or essence of him in there? Or was it all gone along with his head?

The small quartet squeeze through the cluttered Roxy Party Garage, though they do pause at several points to see if there was anything around them that could become useful ahead-- there's a lot of clutter, it's worth skimming over just to make sure. And if there was anything worth collecting, into Cassie's new backpack it'll go! Maybe a little screwdriver won't hurt!

Roxy weaved her feet over some old pieces of wood, likely from pallets. "... I remember something."

"What?" Cassie looked back from where she was pointing her flashlight at.

Roxy's ears stand upright. "People used to lose and forget those duffel bags in the PizzaPlex all the time. Rarely if ever the owners claimed them back, or claimed only what was inside."

Cassie blinks at the wolf, lightly tilting her head sideways. "You think there could still be any of them around here?"

"I certainly wouldn't be surprised." Roxy hums, holographic gaze landing on the Glamrock Freddy backpack; it's nice and convenient, but if they're going around nitpicking stuff on the way, it might become too small.

"Well, I don't see any around here right now." Cassie hums in response herself, pointing her flashlight over the more immediate area. "But if we find any somewhere ahead-"

"Then it's finders keepers, baby!" Roxy finishes the sentence in mild amusement, which Cassie reciprocates, a small upwards tug at the corners of her lips.

"Finders keepers."

They eventually come across a familiar vent and some blocked off pathways, and Cassie lifts her mask off her face, suddenly feeling rather claustrophobic at the thought of crawling in there again knowing now what's in there. And Roxy's too heavy to go in there with her and her weight might make the whole thing fall down.

And Roxy's aware of that. "I can take an alternative path and meet you on the other side, Cassie."

"Uh, are you sure I can't just go with you?" Cassie asks a little uneasily, remembering the creepy crawly that chased her in those. Roxy shakes her head.

"The vent is far safer for you to use."

"But-"

"Remember what I said, Cassie? You're stronger than you seem to believe yourself to be. We won't be apart for long, and I'll still be nearby so just hang in there, okay Champion?"

Cassie is a little taken aback by the new term of endearment; she felt her throat tighten but not in a necessarily bad way. It was just a bit too big of an emotion right now.

"Do not be afraid!" Cassie hears Helpi chiming in by her shoulder. "The Music Men shouldn't bother you this time, either! If they get in your way you can try... asking them to please move?" He suggests, though it's clear he doesn't sound very sure of his own advice. But definitely sure of his claim of them being harmless or at least neutral.

Cassie's eyes drift over to Roxy's endoskeleton eyesockets. "... you promise you will be there on the other side?"

Roxy shifts into a more confident stance. "Like 1st place at the finish line! I promise, Champion."

The girl eventually nods, and turns to face the vent, crouching down to enter; though she pauses to look back over her shoulder to see Roxy prying planks and slashing at a blocked off door, likely the alternative path she was going to take. Cassie kept her mask off her face (the vents feel even more claustrophobic with it on,) before she finally went on crawling in.

Okay, she knows this vent has nothing in it, but the next one...

The little girl however gets a small reprieve first upon crawling out the other side of the vent, in the form of a small room with colorful lockers, likely part of a hallway or utility room between attractions. There was a door, but it was jammed and barricaded shut. The other vent was right there, but it was rather up high on the wall. Cassie's brows furrow slightly.

"I need something to reach it..." She mutters out loud as her eyes evaluate the many lockers in the small room. One was more or less favorably placed, if she pushed it she could send it back against the wall. She begins trying to push at the locker to shove it back, but it was a tad too heavy for the child; she could feel it move slightly under her efforts though. She changes her strategy a little by first shoving into the locker as hard as she could, then while it's rocking a little at its base, she took a few steps back then ran towards it, ramming her shoulder into it with enough effort that the locker finally topples back with a small grunt leaving her, the locker's top hitting the wall right under the vent.

Cassie is left wincing, her shoulder now with a dull pain from hitting it into a hard surface, but now she could proceed! "Yes! I did it!" She just spends a few moments taking a couple breaths while rubbing at her eyes, then she climbs up the knocked locker until she reaches the vent finally, crawling once more.

Okay, so far so good... The vent is a smooth ride. She was very faintly starting to hear the Fazerblast music meaning she had crawled a good way in... Then it showed up.

Right as she was supposed to take the last turn, the creepy crawly Cassie dreaded meeting again dropped from above, blocking her path, its teeth clattering and its head and arms twitching. The girl stops in her tracks, forgetting how to breathe. While it doesn't break into a run towards her like it did their previous encounter, it stared at her unblinkingly. Cassie felt herself between a rock and a hard place, the only pathway she had was ahead, or retreat all the way back, which at this point was just a hassle.

"Don't be scared!" Helpi's voice pipes up, trying to calm her nerves. "Try going on anyways, it shouldn't be compelled to hurt you anymore."

Cassie hesitates; there's been times Helpi guaranteed she was safe only for circumstances to refute it, but that was when that thing down in the basement had a hold of him... Surely he wouldn't egg her into walking into danger with the promise of safety as himself... right? He did seem to feel bad he was tampered with, after all.

Swallowing dry, she makes a tentative crawl towards the miniature Music Man. "S... sorry. Can you... can you move, please? I- I need to pass." She follows Helpi's earlier suggestion, counting on nothing but luck for it to work. The small spider-like robot just continued staring at her for a hot minute, but to her pleasant surprise, it complies!

It skitters backwards towards a dead-end with a vent fan, unblocking the way for Cassie, who just then lets out the breath she was holding, relief draping over her like a thin but smooth blanket. "Uh, thank you."

Being tucked under a blanket with only a dozen pillows and plushies sounded just about great right now, actually...

"See? I told you so!" Helpi states proudly, as if he himself hadn't been somewhat uncertain of his own claim. "All you had to do was ask!"

"That you did." Cassie responds as she crawls past the small Music Man, then her brows furrow a little. "But... didn't you also say that I shouldn't let animatronics see or hear me?"

"Ah, well-" Helpi lets out a sound akin to a throat-clearing. "You see, it's a bit of a toss up."

"Oh no..."

"Hey, don't despair! If you prefer you can choose to err on the side of caution. Remember that you're not alone this time!"

Well, that was a bit of a nice reminder, though it doesn't really solve the fact that she was basically gambling with potentially still aggressive animatronics.

Cassie soon finds herself coming out of the vent, finally, and into a small backstage-like room for Fazerblast, cluttered and still with a few pieces of the former attraction. The only way through was the door that would take her straight into Fazerblast itself. She can't help but feel nervous, knowing what (who?) is lingering around there. Okay, okay, she just has to reach the parent node then its two child nodes without running into them. It's just two child nodes, she can do this! She already did once, only in reverse.

Swallowing thick, Cassie, grabbed the door handle and opened the door, letting herself into the ruined Fazerblast.

To Be Continued...

[fanfictiondreamscape]

L.O.V.E. (?)

Name:  L.O.V.E. (?)

Genre: angst, angst, angst - more so the remiscent type of angst, and some super slight romance, and super slight vent fic

Pairing: Misc. X GN!Reader

Notes: This is what happens when I feel an oncoming panic attack and need to release whatever messed up stuff my brain is gonna form whether or not I like it. 

Fair warning for this little thing here, though: this is not very story based, much rather like a random train of thought. It may also be a little unhinged, but what can one expect when dealing with something that they don’t know how to navigate well in the slightest? 

This is also semi-based around the song “LOVE” by PEGGY, emphasis on semi-based. I was hopping between songs that I thought would be able to satiate my sense of despair and partial loathing, but that song was the kicker for this piece. 

Below the cut.

(03/01)

This started out okay.  This was easy at first. I was blind to the absolute disaster this would be to my wellbeing, but... I still want it.  I still crave it.  ....Maybe. 

Click.

(03/03) 

Crying doesn’t help. I’m not externally shaking. There aren’t tears streaming down my face. But it doesn’t feel right to not let it be outward.  I can feel my heart pounding in my ears.  I can also feel their hands over my ears and eyes when that one sound got me to flinch and freak out. I can feel their fingertips pushing my hair behind my ear, and their palm on one of my cheeks with their lips oh so gingerly pressing the slightest on the other.  I can feel their breath on my neck, and their hand on my leg, brushing sweet, simple little circles right by my kneecap. I can feel their hugs, tight and warm and comfortable and nice.  I can feel their gaze linger, and the tears that were about shed all because of a cheesy little moment in a TV show. I can feel the vibrations of their voice from behind, and their grip wrapped around my upper arm and my waist.  But as much as I can feel, that fails to negate the fact that this is both the beginning and the end.  Things are never gonna be exactly the same, not unless years pass by first.  This is a whole new door, and the options are limited as to what happens next.  Plan as many dates as one can desire, but I’m not them. I don’t have control over their decisions, and I know that I have no right to be particular about what they do with their time.  So this shouldn’t sting so much.  ... It does.  Why does it sting so much?  Lack of affection from previous partners? Lack of safety? Understanding?  Is it me? Is romance that foreign of a concept?  My cynicism can only go on for so long.  I can only maintain the thought that love is something that isn’t important for so long. 

Click.

(03/07)

At least, in my book, my brain and heart shouldn’t mix. They shouldn’t combine, because if they do, something will happen that I know I’ll come to regret in the future.  I know I want this.  I know I want the fleetingly teasing touches, the gentle affection, the mutual respect, the comfort, the safe space in the form of people.  I know I want it.  I know that I find that fact hard.  I know that my heart is actively trying to shun that knowledge, and that my brain is trying to enforce it.  I never thought that I’d end up here, honestly. I thought that I’d be able to go through life with little worry in this regard. I thought that love would come, and that it would come when necessary, when some unknown force knew that it was time to push it unto me.  Is this the universe doing just that, or am I rushing it do that?

Click.

(03/12) 

I shouldn’t have done this. That door should never have opened, and I should have never even fathomed letting it materialize. Nothing good comes from pessimism, panic attacks, and persistence.  This should be good.  I know that, logically, this is good. I know that this has the potential to work.  I know that this was the stipulation. The catch-22. The deal with the metaphorical devil.  I knew that when I let this happen.  When they leave, what do I do? If they’re alone together, I can only accept that fact. That’s all there is to do.  I wish I could find the capacity to cry about this. 

Click.

(03/14) 

I’ve never been in love before this. Never really had a chance to, if I’m being honest. I‘ve always found it cheesy, and my focus was never directed towards something that “shallow”.  I’ve been questioning if it really is that shallow, now.  This whole deal has been good. Really, it has.  It’s nice, feeling like I’m appreciated as opposed to hearing it from the mouth of my mother, father, or family member. Even teachers, bosses, and coworkers can say it and it doesn’t hold as much meaning as the small actions and expressions they direct at me.  It only just now dawned on me that this is selfish.  I want to love, I want to be loved, and I want to share love.  Physical, emotional, mental - I want love to be a part of my life.  But they come first, that’s the end of this story. That’s all there is to it.  However, love is selfish by nature.  Someone wants someone else to themself, or to themselves.  They want that person or people to be there with them at all hours of the day.  They want to hold their hands, and press fluttering pecks to their pulse points.  And now, it’s in my grasp. It’s been in theirs, though, and now I feel awful for thinking about how wrong my thought process has been.  ...  I have a feeling that I need to calm down before this progresses any futher. That, or I need to up my anti-depressant prescription.  Whichever comes first, I guess.

Click. 

Slam.

Rustle. 

“I need to get some sleep.” 

- 

“Still, I’ve never been in love.

Is that something that I want?

Convince me I’m fine, 

I’m not losing my mind.

Maybe it’s just not for me. 

No! 

I don’t need L-O-V-E.

Maybe I’ll just wait and see.

I might need L-O-V-E....”

[bucket-barnes]

Hey I know I’m focused on writing lost boy right now but I just wanna show y’all the amount of work I did for my first fic- sunlilly

I use google slides for damn near all of my writing projects (both fanfic and otherwise) because I’m bad at describing outfits (though I’ve gotten better) and I don’t like putting outfit images in my fics when they’re posted to Wattpad because it messes up the flow

As for outfits- I still go in and tweak where it feels needed but I have an outfit for every milestone plot in sunlilly because 15 year old bucket found it necessary to run through the entire descendants franchise and then some

I also made a whole ass PLAYLIST for Sunlilly- it is not organized in the slightest but it covers the basics. Here it is if you want to see it

Anyway- there will probably be a similar creative process for lost boy because old money aesthetics can be quite difficult especially in this case where I’m working with two completely different worlds

Anyway, if you are the one person waiting for lost boy (I know who you are, you are the only person who leaves notes on the lost boy posts) here’s sunlilly to hold you over: warning, I wrote this when I was 14/15 almost two years ago and in three months at that with any edits being made very recently. It is dramatic and created for the sole purpose of me venting bisexual frustration

…also here’s the slideshow

[m1d-45]

oh my god okay. i had a thought. i’m having a thought. creator!reader and imposter except we fuckin…. make it madoka and homura. kind of. i guess???

so in the beginning you create teyvat, people, gods, all that shit. it’s pretty great at first! you’re a young being, surrounded by a beautiful world that loves you and people who worship you! this shit rules! except… it gets lonely, up on your pedestal with nobody you can just exist with.

so, out of stardust and a bit of your own divine essence, you create a companion. somebody who can see you without seeing a divine being, someone who can be your friend and not your follower. they aren’t nearly as powerful as you, nor do they have your same influence, but they are beloved by you, and that’s what matters most.

when you expend almost all of your energy, it’s your companion’s job to stay in teyvat to eventually summon you back once you’ve rested enough. that’s what you told them to do. they were never meant to be in charge of teyvat, but your followers, desperate for even the slightest trace of you, turn their eyes and offerings towards your companion.

in a way, your companion is grateful for that. now, they understand the weight you carried. they understand how greedy your people are. your people owed everything to you, and they dared to stray from your path while their sinful lips still begged for more.

disgusting.

disgraceful.

they did not deserve you. you and your kind heart that bled for those who were worth so much less than you. if you’d been loved as you deserved from the beginning, you wouldn’t have needed to make a companion in the first place. yet here they are, and now they know they’re the only one who can protect you.

so when the time comes to pluck you from your mortal life back into your true role, maybe they fudge the ritual a bit, leaving out the part where you regain your true form and memories, and maybe they neglect to tell your followers. when news trickles in about a person who looks just like the creator appearing, maybe they don’t refute that point even though they know it’s you. in fact, maybe they encourage the thought of you being an imposter, issuing an order that you are to be brought to them alive.

after all, if your followers knew who you really were, they’d shove you back up onto that pedestal. you need to be kept away from them, safe and free from their eyes. caged, yes, but this time by somebody who loves you.

(tldr; young creator!reader gets lonely and makes a friend but uh oh! the friend is obsessed with them) - teddy anon

teddy,,,, my beloved,,,,,,,, you spoil me so

the one on the throne being a product of your loneliness…. being indirectly hunted by the one you thought was your savior…. everybody trusting them because cmon guys they were the creators companion, surely they’re trustworthy….

maybe your companion lets the hunt go on for a bit too long, letting it drag out a touch more than necessary just so they can come in and sweep you away, venting some of their anger as they shout a reminder: “didn’t i say to bring them to me alive?”

they take you back to the palace and carefully patch you up, listening to your story. they hate to hear you sound so vulnerable, so broken, and part of them regrets not searching for you themself. still, when you break down in tears, understandably stressed and confused and panicked about the situation, they’re quick to hold you close.

it’s nice. to finally give you what you deserve, to finally allow you to rest. they hate it took all this work to get here—theyd really prefer you remember them, at least, but sadly that’s not feasible—but that’s a lesser concern.

all that matters is that their god is finally resting, finally relying on them the way you were meant to.

it’s about time you had a break, after all.

[your-regina]

Anything but an angel

I am not a saint, but a person who can hate with intensity and devotion, whose heart is small and hermetic. I am not helpful or generous, I am selfish, egocentric and extremely individualistic.

Although I am very whiny, I am rarely touched by other people's problems and I have no genuine desire to get too involved in anyone's life even for the purpose of helping. If you have told me something important it is very likely that I have forgotten it, especially if it has no impact on my own life.

I am a hypocrite and I have no intention of hiding it, I sincerely hate many people and I will never make even the slightest gesture to give it away if I consider that it could harm me in the future. I keep interacting with people I don't care about for mere convenience and obligation.

I usually pride myself on being honest, but in reality I hide the truth carefully and distort it as I deem necessary to maintain a certain image in front of others.

I don't love anyone honestly, I love feeling loved but I am totally incapable of loving and showing affection to anyone. I don't care at all for the emotional needs of anyone but myself and often find people's venting stupid and annoying.

Every good wish these lips have uttered has been sincere and deeply felt, but they have been few and inconsequential. You can always count on me when you need someone to listen to you, but chances are my mind is on the rest of the soda I left in the fridge. I treasure a handful of people like golden ensigns, but these treasures of life weigh heavily on my heart and fall from my grace very easily, so no one has a safe place in my life.

I passionately hate being hugged without permission, mouth kisses, walking while holding someone's hand, feeling an overly attentive gaze on me, and almost any form of conventional affection. I often suspect that what I want from people is their existence and what it socially symbolizes, but I am unable to think of anyone as an individual being who desires and feels as intensely as I do.

Sometimes I think of those around me as props and landscape elements, which is why I have a hard time relating to anyone on a personal level. Despite how the above may sound, I am not a psychopath, I actually make an effort to take into account the impact of my words on people, so I am careful and I do my best to be empathetic, as I have a strong sense of justice and I believe that everyone should receive what they give. Of course, I want to be treated well.

I have always had an internal conflict because of how much I want to be a good person, someone who can be trusted, who can temper and nurture the world, but I am fundamentally incompatible with this desire. No matter where I fall on the complicated spectrum of morality, it's just who I am.

[mysticdragon3md3]

A long time ago, i broke up with my best friend.

But since i enjoyed being alone so much, I felt amicably ghosted. No hard feelings on my end. I never found out about hers or the why.

Then i happened to walk behind her and her new best friend at a school retreat, where they just shit talked the retreat speaker's vulnerability. And i realized what a relief it was to not have to pretend to be ok with her comments anymore. And i realized how much i had smiled, nodded, tried to see her side of things, and have always been simply in denial. I could never believe in other people NOT acting in their best nature. I had to have faith in people being good...because when in situations or relationships i couldn't get out of, the only way to survive, was for me to honestly believe it could not be as bad as even the slightest bad faith interpretations. I couldn't allow myself to believe a situation or relationship i was in, was bad. I have to nod along, smile, and be in internal denial with myself about my disagreements with others.

I say this, because when i watch myself constantly changing my mind, accepting all foods for thought, and just acting so gullible and easily influenced by every post from the FE3H fandom for the past few years, i feel i should admit that there is a voice in the back of my mind, that IS aware of my own opinions, and is unconfidently hanging on...but i just dont want to believe in bad faith interpretations of what others are posting. I don't want to believe I'm arrogant enough to know more and not need to listen to what others have to say, either. So i smile along with my best faith interpretations of them, and i say that i agree, or at least that i am persuaded. I make posts admitting that i am the gullible type. Because I really do get persuaded, and shove my personal opinions into my mind's back drawer.

Specifically right now, i just wanted to vent about how I've always preferred and headcanoned Dimiclaude as being sweet to each other. Dimitri is the proper, polite, and a little naieve, but later, idealistic prince, who adores Claude and gets the blushies from Claude's more bold demeanor. While Claude is internally fighting against the jaded experiences that the world has proven to him, vs the faith he has to have in humanity, in order to have the Hope necessary to move forward, beyond his trauma, all motivated by an inherently defiant, risk-taking personality he inherited from Tiana. Dimitri's instinctual, altruistic compassion serves as a glimmer of validation to all of Claude's Hopes about people, the world, and thus, his dream. Claude's imaginative practically in striving towards his dream feels wise, insightful, and admirable, seemingly-impossibly breaking through Dimitri's moments of despair. I headcanon Dimiclaude as having a lot of fondness for each other.

I've always had my own interpretations, but i feel like i let others' ideas steamroll thru them. I laugh along when other Dimiclaude shippers post about:

Claude being flirty. (He's playful, not flirty.)

Dimitri and Claude annoying each other. Like confusing Annoyance, for Passion, for Love. Straight out of an "enemies to lovers" plot. But instead of asserting that I don't like "enemies to lovers", i smile along. (Maybe i enjoyed the communal enthusiasm too much.)

Dimitri exasperated with Claude. I know Fire Emblem Engage had to portray all 3 lords as having friction with each other, to justify their bracelet's "Emblem of Rivals" name. But being critical and exasperated with Claude was Edelgard's thing. Dimitri is not like that. He's always been very welcoming, impressed, and had faith in Claude. Even that one time he overheard Claude's schemes for the Battle Of Eagle & Lion, he sounded so genuinely shocked with disbelief that Claude would do anything bad. If Fire Emblem Engage wanted to justify the "Emblem of Rivals" name by portraying friction between the 3 Lords, it's supposed to go: Claude says something jokingly, Edelgard is exasperated with him, Dimitri sincerely believes Claude's words too quickly/literally, then Edelgard critiques Dimitri's naivete. That's even how their relationship dynamics were portrayed in one of their first introductory cutscenes together in the FE3H canon.

All of those things listed above, were funny in the moment. Whether in a fanfic, a posted headcanon, or even in Fire Emblem Engage. And it was fun, jumping in on all the fangirling over those silly moments. But they weren't really indicative of the original Claude and Dimitri FE3H canon portrayals that I fell for. It was fun to fangirl along with the community. But that's not how I really believe Dimiclaude to be. Or at least, not how I personally prefer to see them as. Other people may prefer to see them as flirty, annoying each other, and Dimitri exasperated with Claude. And yes, it's still funny sometimes, even to me. A quick fanart or fancomic of those things are hilarious. But that's not really how I personally see Dimiclaude. I don't ascribe to those portrayals, but at the time, it was fun to laugh along.

But last July (2022), i had had my last straw. The majority of the fandom was fangirling about Dimiclaude just bullying each other and that being peak entertainment. ...Bullying is one of my biggest pet peeves. I have dropped numerous, extremely popular, extremely well-made anime series for portaying too much bullying. I don't find it entertaining. I find it triggering. In fact, it used to make me instantaneously go into an almost-violent rage. It still faintly makes me feel the need to enact physical violence. I don't want Bullying in my Dimiclaude. Enough teasing from Claude to make Dimitri blush, yes. But not them being sharply biting towards each other.

And this was already amid prevalent headcanons/jokes in the fandom about constantly teasing, debasing, and humiliating Claude. Bringing Claude "down a peg" has become others' popular headcanons. Whether being made the fool or the butt of jokes by Cyril, Felix, or any number of characters, it's become far too popular for my comfort to watch Claude so frequently thought of as just the butt of jokes. Someone to reveal as foolish and not as cool as he acts. I've even gotten tired of some headcanons about Dimitri making Claude blush. It was fine when it was for emotionally touching reasons, but headcanons where Dimitri exposes Claude as just a fool and exasperatedly putting up with it, had become common at one point. And I have to start admitting that it wasn't to my tastes.

So i think it's time i assert MY preferred headcanons, instead of just smiling along. I realized recently---after seeing a disillusioned Dimiclaude shipper's post expressing my SAME fatigue with this "gleeful demeaning of Claude" that has become the fandom's fun recently---that i should stop believing in the best in people's own headcanon posts. I need to stop wasting time, trying to convince myself that "they dont mean it as bad as it sounds". I just need to admit that i just have different headcanons from a vast majority of the Dimiclaude fandom, and they are just enjoying this ship in a completely different way from me. I had just wanted to join a sense of communal fangirling. But i need to accept that though we are in the same ship fandom, we are enthusiastic about very different things. Maybe even fans of completely different things that have the same name: Dimiclaude.

Well, actually i love Claude more than Dimitri, so maybe i should start using "Claumitri" or "Claudimi". 💛🦌🏹💛

[ask-the-archs]

RP Related in that it’s Gabriel spiralling/venting in the third person in his diary journal

Gabriel was no stranger to being trapped. After his siblings Fell, their roles fell on him and for a while, he could barely move from the weight of it all. He became the Supreme Archangel not even 300 years after his creation, all of the accumulated Domains gathered neatly under one title.

Many things changed over the years: Michael became Michelle; a court for judgements had to be formed; Michelle was eventually stripped of her Domain altogether due to the biases of humans; the exterminations started and grew more gruesome with every passing year; and the exterminations were revealed to Gabriel far later than it should have been.

It got to the point where the very few remaining constants were:

• Gabriel is tired

• Gabriel hasn’t eaten in x amount of years

• Gabriel is injured

• and Michelle is still getting hurt by those who dislike her

The family fell apart without the Sins around. Even with the Rising of two new Archangels who were previously human, and their youngest half brother being revealed to them all, they all grew distant, meeting once a week if that. Everyone continued to pile portions of their workloads on Gabriel, complaining that they couldn’t handle it being too much.

Michelle helped where she could, but being a Domainless Archangel made even the slightest burden take a large toll on her health. She helped though, and she tried more than the others, having the vivid memories of when her brother used to have the energy or time to be truly happy. She tried. It didn’t do much other than lift his spirit some.

Slowly but surely, Gabriel cut back on eating, and sleeping, and anything he deemed nonessential for the others to be able to thrive. Heaven had plenty of food, but it took time to eat, and he technically didn’t require eating so it would be a waste of resources, really.

Sleep hadn’t come easily since his siblings had Fallen, with every night he allowed it to take him spent reliving that. He got rid of his bed next, he hadn’t slept in it for a few decades, usually just passing out on the floor if absolutely necessary, and he still had his chair, so it wasn’t that bad.

Michelle disagreed when she found out. That was the first and last time they properly fought.

Sometimes, Gabriel finds himself, late at night when he is not expected to be working and yet still is, wondering how Lucifer is doing. He doubts his brother is thriving as he hopes. Many years later, still before Michelle finds a way to visit Hell, he will realise that Lucifer had never had that much more of a choice in what happened when the universe was still so, comparatively, young.

So no, Gabriel is no stranger to being trapped, he has been for almost all of his existence. But it never felt quite as terrifying as when someone else witnessed him spiralling. That was when it seemingly became all too real.

[bharathomeapplianceservices]

Understanding Fridge Error Codes: What They Mean and How to Fix Them.

Gone are the days that required the disassembly of your refrigerator and resorting to futile trial and error methods for even the slightest problems. With the modern technology in today’s refrigerators, troubleshooting has become incredibly easy! This is because modern-day units have smart inbuilt error detection systems that quickly detect a problem and display an error code corresponding to it. These error codes are incredibly helpful in making fridge repair service easy. In this blog, let's look at some common error codes, the reason behind them, and how you can fix them.

What are Fridge Error Codes?

Most refrigerators manufactured today are equipped with digital interfaces and have effective error detection. In case any issues come up with your refrigerator, the smart system automatically displays a code on the digital display. This code is reflective of the error that has occurred, hence giving it the name error code.

Common Fridge Error Codes.

Different brands and refrigerators have their unique error codes, but generally, the common error codes all consist of letters and numbers. These codes are displayed on the digital screen to indicate errors and look like “E1”, “F1”, “40E”, “OFF”, “HH” and have many variations.

Let’s look at some examples with the above codes itself –

E1: indicates a fault with the sensor.

F1 and 40E: Both these codes indicate a fault with the ice-maker fan.

OFF or OF: This code indicates that your fridge is in cooling off or demo mode.

Now that we know what these codes are and what they look like, let’s see how they can be fixed.

Steps to Fix Refrigerator Error Codes.

The entire goal of error codes is to help make your experience easy. This makes it important to learn about the steps you can take to fix the errors.

Restart your Fridge.

Sometimes, just restarting your unit can fix your problem, so you should begin here. Simply switch off or unplug your refrigerator and wait at least 1 minute before powering it on again. This is an easy fix that might work for simple issues. However, this isn’t always going to fix things, and the code might appear again for complex issues.

Identify Any Visible Problems.

In some cases, visible problems can lead to an error code. This makes it crucial to inspect your unit for such problems including – blocked air vents, clogged coils, broken gaskets or door seals, a fluctuating power supply and even wrong temperatures.

Let’s look at the necessary adjustments you can make in such cases –

· Setting the right temperature for the fridge and freezer.

· Check the fitting of the power supply cable and the functioning of the wall socket.

· Lastly, clean the refrigerator coils and door gasket once every two to three months.

If this doesn’t fix your problem, it’s time to check the Instructions Manual.

Check the Instructions Manual.

The instructions manual of your model is designed with detail. It will help you understand the parts, functioning, usage, and even basic repair and troubleshooting for your fridge. This includes a look at error codes, what they indicate and what you can do to fix them. This makes it crucial to go through the instructions manual for your refrigerator model. If you don’t have a physical copy, you can find a digital copy on the manufacturer’s website by entering your model.

Contact A Fridge Repair Service.

As mentioned, you can try to resolve simpler issues with the help of some inspection, troubleshooting and maintenance. However, when it comes to complex issues and error codes that might indicate a big problem – a repair service is the answer. As they are equipped with the right tools and knowledge, a team of experienced repair professionals will be able to easily identify and resolve the issue from the error code.  Get rid of error codes and allow your refrigerator to work efficiently with the Best Fridge Repair Service today!

[royallyprincesslilly]

Title: HALO: A MasterChief Collection: Unto Dawn {7}***

Master Chief Pablo x Sergeant Reader

Warning: Plot, NSFW, 18 + Content, SMUT, Small Bit of Angst

Words: 5.8k

Summary: You are part of the mighty SPARTANS as sergeant and a pretty badass addition to the team at that. With the first truth already revealed, more are revealed and when dawn comes everything will be different.

Note: Guess who needs more fics? Master Chief!!! I’ve decided to make a Master Chief collection of standalone one-shots. They all can be read separately to understand but can also be read in sequence. I will put a number on them so anyone who is interested in reading in sequence can, but again not necessary. This might be an acquired taste, but it’s Pablo as Master Chief forever and always around these parts.  Thank you for reading! Enjoy!

Note II: Halo OGs will get the title reference. Hehehe!

 If you enjoyed this please LIKE, COMMENT, REBLOG!!!

 ***NOT Edited/Proofread***

Previous: On Your Six | Feel Something | A Night Off | Apex Predators | Truth Be Told | Confess |

~~~~~~~~~

-Y/N-

 Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap.

 That was the sound of your booted foot rapidly bouncing up and down on the floor of your domicile as you sat on the couch with your eyes glued to your door. Everything was silent, albeit that sound—that repetitive sound.

 Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap.

 The loudness of your foot bouncing against the floor should have made it impossible to hear any possible sound anywhere else—let’s say the hall leading to your door but it didn’t. The silence out there was deafening. The absolute silence and absence of his footsteps was deafening. You knew he wasn’t a stupid man. His intelligence was high as was his ability to perceive what someone meant next. It was a talent when it came to interrogations. A learned skill and enhanced ability. You knew he’d understood what you meant by “the rendezvous point had been compromised”. You knew he’d understood the dangers you’d both recklessly had put yourselves in. You also knew that he would have understood what your walking away meant. This was the only logical location.

 Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap.

 Your foot sped up and with it so did your thoughts. You went over what he’d said. He’d taken out his pellet. This is what Miranda meant. She’d told him about your pellet. Now you wanted to know which action came first. Did he learn about your pellet being removed and then decided to take his out too or the other way around? You didn’t know which possibility you wanted to be true. Did it matter? The facts were what were important. John had removed his pellet. He was pellet-free. Everything you’d experienced within the first few hours he was now experiencing.

 The first seventy-two hours were the worst for you. While it was a wonderous time where everything felt new and unique, you also went through sensory overload with everything. Every scent was too strong, the sun’s glare too fierce, the breeze, or rain or even snow too harsh, and every new emotion that wasn’t all that new felt nauseating. You remembered being so anxious and jumpy but also so distracted and hyper focused on the slightest thing. It made missions a nightmare. Was he going through the same?

 You stood then released a harsh puff of air, venting some of your frustration. Why wasn’t he here yet, you wondered? Where did he go? Was he going to come? Did you really want him to come? With that question you dropped back onto the couch. A realization hit you, he didn’t have anything in him suppressing his emotions or urges. 

The sensation of attraction hit you hard the first time. Thinking back, you remembered just how it was for you and your belly fluttered. You hadn’t known what was going on or why the smell of John’s sweat made your heart quicken, or why the sight of John showering made your mouth water and hands shake. You’d seen him shower hundreds of times, seen the soapy-water mixture cascade down his body so many times it had become normal. You remembered how the sight of what was between his legs made something in you tingle and moisten. You didn’t understand it then, but now—months later you were wiser—slightly. What if him coming here makes that happen to him?

 Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap.

 Your foot banged louder, and your thoughts spiraled, and you recalled your one and only night together. You’d wracked your brain trying to come up with an explanation as to how it happened. Your attraction had gotten to a boiling point but what of him? Was he lying and had the pellet out then? Or had Halsey’s failproof tech done just that and failed? You wanted to track Miranda down and get some answers right now. Bolting up once again, you prepared to leave then the door tone rang out making you stop in your tracks. After several moments, you practically tiptoed to the door and turned on the surveillance screen beside it. There he stood all near seven feet of him.

 After taking a few deep breathes, you pressed the button and watched the door slide open. As he looked up, you noted how clear the hazel in his eyes had become. He looked like he really was seeing differently. His eyes also asked the question his lips did not. You stepped to the side and allowed him access. As he walked inside you watched him closely as if he were this unpredictable force that could and would go berserk at any moment. However, he did not go berserk, or do anything out of the ordinary.

 You rolled your eyes because none of this was ordinary. This was probably the second time in forever that he’d been inside your domicile. This was the definition of abnormal but somehow it felt as if he should be here. He should be in your domicile, should be sitting across the table from you at mealtime, or sitting on your couch tinkering with a gun or plasma grenade, or in your bed. By the time your eyes came into focus you’d realized you’d dazed off and he was now standing next to that table looking at you with such an innocent and vulnerable look on his face that you couldn’t help but take a step to him.

 It was a step you retracted almost immediately.

 “Why here?”

 “Miranda and I have fortified it. When I realized I could trust and confide in her when I took out my—pellet She helped me find Halsey’s eyes and ears, get rid of them and fortify so no others could be planted. It’s safe here.”

 It was he who took the next steps to you, but he didn’t approach too closely. He stopped several feet from you, but it was still too close. You side stepped and walked over to your couch and sat down.

 “How did you—why did you--.”

 His starts and stops were adorable. He didn’t know where to begin. You understood, this was a lot to take in and adjust to.

 “Sit,” you urged.

 The look of caution John gave you almost made you snort. He was acting like you were the threat. Slowly you watched his bow-legged walk to the minimalistic chair that was adjacent to the couch you were sitting on. When he sat, there was no ease or comfort to it. His back was straight, legs spread widely apart, hands resting atop his thigh and eyes on you—waiting. On the surface, he looked calm, cool and collected but you knew better. You knew underneath that icy and stoic exterior he was losing his mind with the urge to rapid fire every question that came to mind. You could tell he was seconds from bouncing off the walls.

 “How did you take it out?”

 “Dug it out.”

 “How did you know it was there?”

 You took a deep breath, “Remember the mission to Aleria?”

 “The dust planet.”

 You nodded.

 “You fell off the cliff,” he added.

 “I did and landed in the pit of those sharp rocks.”

 “You said you were fine.”

 “I was or thought I was. It wasn’t until I got back to base and was cleaning up did I notice the massive bruise on my back. Usually bruises fade within a day or two but it was almost a week and it didn’t look to be getting any better. In those days I noticed small changes. Things seemed a little different but I didn’t know how or why. When I looked at the area I felt it and it felt like there was something lodged there. I ended up taking a knife to it and the pellet came out.”

 He looked to be taking that piece of the puzzle well. There were no outward signs of a mental breakdown.

 “Is that when you went to Miranda?”

 “No that was about a month after. I just tried to keep everything normal. I had to. After it was out, I started to feel things, emotions like anger, rage, happiness, I laughed, things were funny. Colors were brighter, smells better, the armor felt different, it was a lot to take in. There were so many days I couldn’t handle it. So many missions I nearly spazzed out on because the training was not enough to keep the self-doubt, the thoughts, and the urge to rebel against an order wondering if it was the right thing. My objectivity was gone.”

 “I thought you were different. I noticed but then you’d go back to normal when I watched. I thought it was nothing.”

 “It was control. It was me working doubly hard to appear normal.” You sighed remembering those weeks and months. “It was so much work—so hard especially with Halsey’s eyes and checks and exams. There must have been tens of times I thought she’d discovered me but every time she let me go, I knew I was safe, but I could never relax from fear of it being a tactic of hers to catch me.”

 It was then his shoulders began to slouch.

 “You should have come to me.”

 “And say what? Halsey has a pellet in your back that makes you numb? Would you have believed me?”

 He studied you for a few moments before he looked away. You knew that he knew he wouldn’t have believed you.

 “I believe you now.”

 Hearing the words, you felt some strange relief. You weren’t alone with this anymore. Yeah, you had Miranda, but she didn’t know what this felt like. She’d gone her entire life with emotions and feelings. Things that were second nature and a duh for her were not for you. It took practice, note taking--meticulousness. Now you had someone going through the same exact thing as you. You sighed.

 “So it was out when we sparred in the ring and the mission where you disobeyed me and took initiative. And that night.”

 Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap.

 Your foot picked up right where it had left off before he’d arrived. Fighting the urge to bolt up and pace the room, you dug your nails into your outer thigh and gritted with the subtle pain. You didn’t know if he sensed your agitation, but he unexpectedly changed the direction of the conversation.

 “Miranda says the artifact must have damaged mine when it sent out an electromagnetic pulse. It was malfunctioned when she took it out.

 “Ho—how do you feel?”

 He tilted his head to the side a little bit then straightened it and did the same on the left side. It was like a robot doing a systems check.

 “I feel.”

 His eyes met yours. “Have you always looked this way?”

 “What way?”

 Again, he took a beat then replied. “Pleasing to the eye.”

 Your jaw dropped. Master chief Petty Officer John-117 just called you attractive. You could have passed out. Never did you think you’d see this day. Did he even know what attractive was?

 “My looks have always been the same.”

 In such swift movements, John stood closed the space between you and sat on the table before you that you had a few books scattered on. “Your eyes this color?”

 His face peered closer into your orbs. You nodded.

 “Your skin—this--.” He cupped your jaw sliding his thumb across your cheekbone then to your jaw. “This—soft.”

 Your vocal cords wouldn’t work, you knew that already, so you didn’t bother answering. You nodded again. John’s thumb fell to your lips where he traced them taking in every detail with the thick pad of his digit like his skin held memories and your lips was what he wanted to remember the most.

 “Your lips—so---.”

 His eyes were glued to your mouth and the intensity in them made the hand you were currently using to dig your nails into your thigh tremble. He didn’t continue though, instead, he clenched his jaw and gulped. His Adams Apple bobbed making his heart quicken. This was nothing like using your heightened senses in combat or on a mission. This was different.

 You naturally picked up all these little details but now they meant entirely different things. Before increased heartrate could mean someone was lying or trying to hide something. Now, it could mean the man across from you was struggling with adjusting or feeling arousal. Then, the twitch of a jaw could mean anger, now it could mean a struggle with control—a fight to hold on to it and not act impulsively—recklessly—rakishly. A slight dilation in the eye used to mean he’d picked up a detail or movement, now it could mean he saw something appealing, something he liked—wanted.

 His voice brought you out of your chaotic thoughts; “Your mouth--,” he began as he pushed the tip of his thumb into your mouth. It wasn’t a difficult task for him. Your lips parted with ease and welcomed him.

 “Fuck!” It was a guttural, and harshly whispered word that sent a shiver through you.

 “So—hot—smooth--.”

 His face came closer and everything in you wanted to feel his lips on yours, but the small voice in your head whispered of caution, of danger, of nearing doom. John’s left hand that was clasping the back of your head moved down to your neck then slowly trailed lower to your collarbone. As his thumb in your mouth explored the buds of your tongue and the variety of sharp and dull teeth, his other fingers swirled around your collar and décolletage, leaving a trail of icy fire. His touch burned—scorched even, but chilled and stunned all at the same time and you wanted more—needed more.

 “Y/N,” John whispered his forehead now pressed against yours. He was sweltering.

 The subtle mint and juniper berry scent caressed you, awakening something in you that wanted to know if his lips tasted like that mint and juniper. From memory, you knew they would. You knew he would taste sweet, and fresh and his kiss would leave trails of ice along your skin. That knowledge only made your insides burn more fervently. His scent would forever be engraved in you, forever be one you would crave.

 Without thinking, you placed your hand on his bulky thigh and instantly gripped it when you registered the hefty muscles there. A small groan strangled in your throat, but you knew he still heard it. His eyes snapped open and peered into yours. You felt like the glare from them were as intense as the rays from the sun itself.

 “You smell--,” he inhaled deeply then moaned. “Sweet like fruit, earthy like water, fragrant like flowers. You smell—like need.”

 Master Chief was a sweet talker without even trying to be. You knew this was all innocent on his part. He was just working through his newfound world and what it meant to him and his senses. There was nothing sensual within his words, no yearning, or desire. That was all coming from you, and you had to get a grip. Steeling your nerves, the best you could, you swallowed—albeit a little too loudly, then spoke.

 “D—do—do you have—question—s?”

 Looking in his eyes, you saw innocence but there was something else. The moment you smelled him, you almost ripped his clothes off. You smelled desire. Was it yours or his, though?

 “Do I smell the same as you do—to you?”

 You shook your head.

 “What do I smell like?”

 “Mint, juniper berries, gun metal, citrus pods--,” you paused and inhaled. There was always something else that you couldn’t ever decipher. In the last few weeks, you’d come up with something but none of it was plausible. It sounded stupid. “And the stars and the night air after a cool breeze rips through leaving nothing but silence--stillness.”

 Chancing it, you opened your eyes and found his on yours. In seconds, John’s lips crashed to yours and took control of a searing kiss. Weeks ago, his kiss was forceful, demanding and sloppy, tonight it was the same but oh so urgent and eager. When you looked back at that first night with him, you’d wondered how he kissed like that. Tonight, you understood. Instinct. You quickly got lost in his kiss, lost in his taste, lost in the way his hand felt at the tail of your back where the evidence of the missing device laid. The fragments of his words from the day you’d had your exams with Halsey echoed in your head.

 “Anything else you are thinking, anything besides that, stop. None of it means anything, it never has.”

 You quickly tore your lips from his, bolted upright to your feet ramming your nose into his in a jumbled move to scurry from him and across the room. John’s loud hiss filled the room. You kept your back to him and stared at the wall, trying to fight through the pain in your own nose and keep the seams of your control together. They were quickly fraying, threatening complete exposure.

 “Y/N?”

 The confusion in his voice stabbed at your chest. Did he even know what he was doing?

 “You said—I don’t—this isn’t a good idea.”

 “Why? We have done this before.”

 “And you reprimanded me for it and ignored me for weeks after. You even went as far as to tell me that you are my superior and I am your subordinate,” you began.

 “That I have your back in the field and you have mine. We get in and get the job done. Anything else you are thinking, anything besides that, stop. None of it means anything, it never has. None of it will ever happen again. Keep your head in the fight, there is a lot at stake,” John filled in with his perfect memory.

 “Exactly,” you whispered ignoring how the words that were spoken with such conviction and certainty weeks ago were now said softly, with plenty of uncertainty and regret. Did he regret them?

 “I didn’t know what to say, or how to reconcile things,” he attempted beginning to pace your floor. “I had the memories of that night, but I did not understand them, did not understand how or why. My head was not my own. Miranda thinks there were moments of clarity from the pellet and moments where it worked. I think—that night…with you was—clarity.”

 You watched him pace. This was not the John you knew who was always in control. He was struggling. Could his words really have been because of the pellet and his actions that night real? He continued to pace but you remained where you were contemplating what you should do.

 Was it a good idea to go to him? Was it a good idea to just let him deal with his first bout of regret? It wasn’t just regret though. He was confused and struggling to understand it all. Sighing, you walked to him and placed a gentle hand on his burly shoulder. Immediately, John stopped moving and turned to you with tortured eyes. This was hard enough, you thought. You didn’t want to make it harder or make him go through it alone like you had. A full minute passed before he was fully turned to you and stepping closer. When he didn’t stop, you backed away. He followed.

 “Why—why did you—that night?”

 His broken question was something you hadn’t expected. You knew what he was asking. Your back pressed against the wall—nowhere else to go. Resigning to your fate, you spoke.

 “I—I wanted you. I desired you. I wanted to touch you, to—have you.”

 John’s eyes sparked to life, and he closed the last remaining bit of space between you. You could feel his hardness pressing into your abdomen. He too wanted. John looked down between your bodies.

 “This is the third time tonight this has happened to me. The first standing just outside your door as I heard you moaning my name over and over saying you want me inside of you.”

 Your belly fell. He’d heard you.

 “The second at the tower and right now. This has happened so many times since that night with you. As I tried to sleep, took a shower, saw you sparring with Kai or Riz, you in your skivs while changing, and almost every waking moment in between. It was torture—the heat, the ache, the erraticness. I didn’t understand why or what was happening, but I understand now.”

 His face was so close, all you had to do was tip your tongue out and you would taste his lips. You didn’t, though. You wanted to hear his deduction. Everyone spoke highly of master chief’s tactical intelligence, raved about it really. Halsey even gloated about his overall intelligence claiming she’s made the perfect specimen both in physicality and mentality. You didn’t doubt his intelligence, not one bit. You knew John was smart and deserved the constant praise, however, you  wondered how much of it was enhancements and pellet and how much was the man himself.

 “What do you understand, John?”

 When you said his name, another spark behind his irises caught your attention. His hips lunged into you sending his erection into your abdomen again. This time you couldn’t help but moan.

 “You affect me. You always have, from the very beginning. You make me want.” His voice was raspy but certain.

 “Want what?”

 John’s eyes held you where you were.

 “You. So much of you so much from you. I—Y/N—I--.”

 Deciding to say fuck it all you crashed your lips to his and took control. Although you both had no experience you at least had an inkling more than him. His instant reaction to your lips on his was what made you wrap your arms around his neck. He kissed you back without hesitation and without any control. There was no sense in how his lips moved against yours, no organization, just plain need.

 John’s hands that were plastered on the wall, caging you in, were now on your hips, squeezing you. it almost hurt—almost. Moaning on his mouth, you brought your hands to his head and held his head in place. Abandoning your hips, John lifted you with such ease your desire flooded your panties because of it. You wanted him badly and you doubted you cared if it were here against the wall or on the floor or the across the table. It didn’t matter.

 As if hearing your thoughts, John pressed your back to the wall, grinding his hardness into you. Before you could pull from him, his mouth broke the kiss and exclaimed out in a mixture of bass and squeak. His eyes were on yours, studying you, looking for something.

 “What John?”

 “You want this?”

 This could have meant his cock or this moment, whatever he meant you nodded—vigorously and felt no shame. His hips surged forward again and both of you exclaimed this time.

 “Do you?”

 John’s eyes dropped to your lips, and it was him who kissed you this time. It was soft, slow, searching and then he slipped his tongue into your mouth, and it was like he became an entirely different man than the one who was lost and innocent minutes ago. His groan echoed in your domicile, and it was more animal than man. He released you then spun you around pushing you into the wall as soon as your feet touched the floor. From there John kissed your neck, then brought his mouth to your ear where he licked the shell then nibbled on it. All the while he ground his hips sending his length on your ass.

 “Uuugh, Y/N.”

 You weren’t used to him sounding so vulnerable, so needy. Hearing him like this snapped something inside of you like a rubber band. You reached behind you and cupped his manhood. Again, John groaned. As you felt him through his pants it felt as if he hardened even more.

 “Pl—pl--,” he stuttered.

 You continued your ministrations adding a little more pressure. His one hand on the wall balled into a fist that pounded onto the wall creating a noticeable dent.

 “Pl—please.”

 A devilish smile teased your lips but when you felt his other hand squeeze your hip you knew the time for teasing or dominance games was gone. You quickly began undoing his pants, desperately needing to feel the heat from his skin. Within seconds, you’d managed to free him. The blazing rod that laid across the swell of your ass felt as if it were branding you, melting your skin, claiming you as his. You peeped back and found John’s eyes glued to where his appendage touched you.

 “Beautiful.”

 “I need—need--.”

 You knew what he needed; it was the same as what you needed. With the same haste, you undid your leather like pants and urgently pushed them off your hips. The motion of you shimmying your hips from side to side while trying to get your pants low enough, bobbed his heavy cock on your ass and every move made him swear and squeeze your hip harder. Pressing your cheek to the wall, you moaned.

 “Do you remember what to do?”

 “I know what to do.”

 You bent forward a little as he adjusted his stance behind you, lining himself up correctly. You waited and waited and though it felt like an eternity, it really was mere seconds before you felt master chief petty officer John 117 thrust into you with such force that sent your cheek pressing further into the wall while making your neck bend backward. Both of you shouted out in unison. He filled you so perfectly, so completely. Part of you hummed with a feeling of finally—complete resonance; while the other part said you couldn’t take anymore and raged. John must have sensed the need for balance and remained perfectly still though the hand on the wall said he wanted to do the opposite.

 “Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!”

 Slowly, your body adjusted to the size and feel of him, slowly it accepted him. It marveled you that your body hadn’t reacted this way to him before. Whenever you thought about that first night, your body was greedy. Tonight, it was cautious. What was different? You glanced the way his hand trembled and knew he what to do. Moving your ass in a small circle you sent his cock rotating inside of you and John’s fist flattening on the wall. You did it again and his other hand joined the wall, bracing it or himself.

 Again, you looked to him, but his head was hanging backward, eyes pinched closed, neck tight and threaded with veins. He didn’t look like he was breathing. The more you circled on him the more he swelled within you, but your body didn’t scream in rejection, no your body aided his girth rewarding your efforts with wetness. A whine escaped your throat, and you knew it was a sound you’d made for the first time. John knew it too. His hands left the wall and gripped your hips and just like that whatever little control he was desperately gripping to vanished.

 John slowly retreated from your body and your greedy core protested and tried to suck him back in but failed. Every suction made John grunt and groan.

 “Fuck!”

 He didn’t retreat fully before he slammed right back into you.

 “Aah!”

 This time he retreated halfway then repeated the action. It garnered the same reaction, a half shouting moan. With each slow and steady withdrawal came a bruising and forceful snap forward of his hips that sent the most delicious and complex feeling of pleasure and pain through you and sounds you’d never made before from your throat. Soon, John sped his thrusts, but they were no longer steady. You could feel his body shaking, feel the sporadic spasms of his muscles and his cock as it lodged deeper and deeper into your body.

 He stuttered your name over and over then that stutter disappeared, turning into chaotic and gravely grunts of your name. Soon, he had your entire body pressed against the wall with you haphazardly on your tiptoes trying not to allow him to impale you and fuck you into oblivion no matter how much part of you wanted just that. The sounds in your domicile sounded animalistic, crass, and violent.

 From your combined moans, grunts and shouts, to your hands hitting the wall each time his cock collided with some secret place inside of you that sent goosebumps across your skin and your flesh rubbing and slapping together. If anyone heard it they would probably think foul play, but you didn’t care. They could have barged inside and became your audience for all you cared. Right now all you wanted was to feel this large man inside of you, filling you to capacity and making you scream in ways you’d never screamed before.

 John grunted loudly, punched the wall once, then twice, in sync with the thrust of his hips. On the third plunge, you saw stars and by the fourth, your knees gave out, toes numbed, and voice went soprano, but John was there holding you up with one strong arm to deliver one final thrust before you felt him spilling inside of you. His body convulsed against yours as he shuddered into your ear before hissing. Your panting turned to mewls and neither of you could move from where you were. John rested his chin on your shoulder and tried to catch his breath the same as you.

 “Was—Was that fast?”

 His question barely registered. This feeling was still something you hadn’t gotten used to and didn’t know how to process. It was different when you were alone and exploring your own body then with him. With him it was always close to—too much. You wondered if he felt that too.

 “Fast?”

 “The first time felt longer in my memory.”

 You snorted because he was right. Now comparing the two this was quicker.

 “It’s okay, John.”

 “I—I—I’m—sorry.”

 Those words made you angle your head back a little to see his face. His forehead glistened with sweat that now rolled down his temples and sides of his face. A chaotic look was in his eyes but you also so insecurity. Was he ashamed? Moving for the first time in long minutes your legs tingled when they touched the floor and you doubted they possesed the strength to be used but you fought through it. John allowed you to take more control of your body and rose to full height.

 The new space allowed you to pull from him. With another hiss, John slipped from between your folds and the feel of the emptiness made you frown. Turning to him the glistening part of him that had just been inside of you caught your eye and mesmerized you. His seed dripped from the still swollen and now aggressively red tip onto the floor and the angry veins throbbing just below his flesh made your breath hitch. He was still hard. Shaking your head, you met his eyes.

 “Wh—why are you sorry?”

 His eyes dropped from yours, but you cupped his chin making him look at you again.

 “At me John.”

 “Something in me tells me it shouldn’t be fast.”

 A small smile tickled your lips. He was adorable. You wrapped your arms around his neck pressing your body against his and his automatic response was to moan, sigh and wrap his arms around you right back. Your heart threatened to beat right out of your chest.

 “It’s okay. This is new. You need practice.”

 John’s eyes darkened and you knew he grasped your meaning.

 “Practice.”

 You nodded. A bead of sweat rolled down his neck and distracted you making you want to tip your tongue out to capture it. He smelled delicious and his lips tasted delicious. Why couldn’t that? It was an urge you couldn’t fight, so you didn’t. Leaning into him, you tipped your tongue out and licked up his neck to his earlobe, bit down then moaned. His cock immediately saluted you.

 “You didn’t become the master chief you are today without a little bit--,” you whispered, pausing to tip your tongue into the shallow part of his ear. Again, his cock begged for your attention. “Or a lot of practice,” you finished pressing more firmly against him. “Right?”

 Your eyes met and it was right this minute you saw the demon every foe did. Only the demon you saw was not evil or soulless. He was a daemon. He was just unbound, hungry and insatiable. Your belly did backflips thinking of the demon in battle joining you in your bed. You stepped back from him and walked around him with your pants still at your knees. John turned to watch you, his cock bobbing, begging, dripping. Tearing your eyes away from the captivating appendage, you bent and undid your boots before kicking them to opposite sides of the room. Next, you peeled your pants and underwear down the rest of the length of your legs and kicked those to the side too.

 John looked from your toes up your legs, eyes resting right at the apex of your thighs, the place he had just been and from the looks of his cock desperately wanted to return to. You allowed him however long he needed to satiate his gaze. When his eyes met yours again, a new feeling of insecurity washed over you. Rolling your shoulders back you shook it off.

 “What do you say master chief? Forward unto dawn?”

 His nose flared, jaw clenched, and mouth quirked to the side in a lopsided smirk that made you quiver. In seconds, he’d crossed to you ignoring his own pants circling his ankles and hoisted you into the air and against him. You wrapped your legs around him and moaned at the feel of his thickness nudging against your sore but wanting core.

 “Forward unto dawn,” he repeated just before his lips claimed yours.

 John kissed you passionately and walked without eyes as if he’d walked these halls before, as if he belonged here. Your moans melded together and with each passing second your bodies communicated—begging the other for something neither of your mouths could voice from lack of knowledge. When you felt the softness of your bed under your back, you began to wonder how you’d gotten here, but when he kissed you again and you felt his cock spasm against your slit you moaned and wondered how it had taken you this long to get here.

 “Y/N,” John moaned.

 From now on you knew this was the only way you wanted him to ever say your name—upon a moan.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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[glowingbadger]

Would you be willing to do yandere Seteth 👀?

Oh-hoo, yes, let's. I mentioned this idea to my fiance and he was like "I mean, Seteth is basically one crisis away from full Yandere anyway."

And I mean he's not wrong-

CW: Yandere! As always, please do not force yourself to read something that will make you uncomfy <3

Yandere!Seteth x GN Reader

NSFW 18+

- Naturally, Seteth is protective of you the moment you've worked your way into his heart. He's lost so many in his life, and even watched generations of humans come and go- and while part of him knows that this will happen to you with time as well, he can't stop himself from wanting to seize every moment of time with you that he can. Aside from which, the thought that he may fail to protect you, that his own folly could lead to you suffering or dying even sooner, is nothing short of horrifying to him.

- All it takes is for you to get just a little too close to danger, or for a fairly common illness to leave you just a little too visibly shaken, for the way Seteth's protective nature manifests to take a dark turn. "You have no idea exactly how fragile you are," he scolds you with a glare, forcing you to look at him with his hand at your chin, "Evidently, it must fall to me to ensure your safety. Humans are far too reckless by nature, and I will not allow harm to come to you."

- Seteth is excellent at keeping up appearances, and so while most would imagine he dotes on you similarly to how he treats Flayn, few would even guess how disturbed his obsession has truly become. He knows your usual schedule to the minute, and the more time goes on, the more impatient he becomes when you stray from it even the slightest bit. If you don't have a very good reason to be elsewhere, he expects you at his side. It's not long before he develops a habit of keeping you leashed while you're in his quarters, with the tether either in his hand or attached to his desk.

- The church has of course tried and executed heretics before, but Seteth was never in support of the practice himself. That is, of course, until he perceives a direct threat to you from someone else. In this case, he has no qualms about personally running them through at the Cathedral's alter. He considers violence towards you to be akin to violence towards a literal angel of the Goddess, and so takes pride in extinguishing those who would blaspheme by harming you.

- He still wants you to have interests, hobbies and friends- he's a nurturer at his core, after all- but he expects to have the last say on all of these aspects of your life, and if anything (or anyone) is deemed unsafe or unhealthy for you, he'll ensure that it's removed from your life by any means necessary. Yet this is one more reason why few would expect that, behind closed doors, he'll keep you tied to his bed or his desk for days at a time when something triggers his unhealthy obsession, hand feeding you, tending to your hair and clothes, etc.

- Seteth prefers not to ever lay hands on you in anger. Instead, the way he treats you in bed serves as punishment. He'll pin you down to his mattress by your wrists, your clothes quite literally torn from your body, and with fierce emerald eyes boring into yours, he'll demand that you express how deeply sorry you are for misbehaving. Anything from hurting yourself accidentally through clumsiness, to forgetting a meal, to socializing too amicably with 'dangerous' types, can all result in you being forced to recite prayers of contrition while bound to Seteth's bed.

- He's a patient man, and is more than capable of edging you until tears fill your eyes and you beg his forgiveness and to be allowed to cum. As he brings you to the brink of your orgasm with his fingers for the fourth time in a row, then pulls away, you whine in absolute submission in desperation- and he merely sighs ("not mad, just disappointed"), and says with genuine tenderness in his voice, "I don't wish to be cruel to you, my love, but you insist on forcing my hand."

- As a more regular "obedience exercise" of sorts, he quite enjoys the comfort and security of having you kneel at his feet as he works, resting your head on his thigh or- if you've been good -playing and sucking on his cock as he works. Having you right there, safe and sound beneath him, is immensely soothing to him. He'll sigh and sit back, then gently pet your hair once he's finished a particularly droll pile of paperwork. If you look up at him with pleading eyes, he'll smile warmly and allow you to suck him off for a little while as a reward for staying in his sights, nice and still and docile for him.

- Goddess help you if you've done something to seriously worry or anger him. If you're reckless in a battle, or some other dangerous behavior that prompts him to really punish you- he'll throw you down onto his bed and spend the night absolutely ruining you. Thanks to his lineage, he's capable of several brutal rounds in an evening, so he'll hold you down and slam his cock into you over and over, until your entire body trembles and his cum covers your chest, your face, and drips down your thighs. It's an absolutely primal need to "mark what's his," so to speak, and to ensure you know exactly how weak you are, how small and fragile your human body truly is.

- Once he's vented all of his rage at the thought of you endangering yourself, you're well and covered in his cum, gasping for breath and incapable of any more than a whimper. "Look at me," he demands, and if you can't obey immediately, he'll force you to do so with his own hand, "Let this be a lesson to you. I will not tolerate any threat to your safety- not even one that comes at your own rash decisions. Do I make myself clear?"

[go-follow-vibingouthere]

I've got... Feelings about 18x18

This is a whole ass vent, I'm putting it under a read more. Nothing too triggering inside (indirect discussions of homophobia? I guess? That's what I'm calling it), but I beg you to put your own mental health first. If the episode has made you incredibly upset, as I've seen a lot tonight, I urge you to take some time offline, recollect. It's what I plan to do tomorrow, likely for a few days.

That episode fucked me up. And this was notably different from other times Greys has upset me: this isn't like Alex leaving, or Deluca dying, or whatever. This feels remarkably personal. Like yeah yeah parasocial relationship blah blah I should've known something like this was going to happen but also...

Why should I have known? Why have we come to expect this? It's come to my attention more and more after 18x12 how often children have been used to create tension in many of the LGBTQ+ (particularly wlw—and now nblw) couples in the Greys-verse and it's just like... Why. Why do Maggie and Winston (barring the events of tonight's ep) get to be happy all the time? Why do Meredith and Nick? Catherine and Richard, Ben and Bailey, etc.? Why is the stability only ever reserved for the straight couples. I don't understand.

I can't imagine what OG viewers must've felt at the end of season 9 when Arizona cheated on Callie; to be blindsided so harshly and without cause no less, to have all that stability, seasons of development, shattered in seconds... Fucking pointless. At least this shit was moderately predictable...

Grey's is an incredibly diverse show, in many regards, and it always has been. Callie is the longest running LGBTQ+ character ever, in all of visual media. But they keep pulling this shit and, as someone who has only just come out in the last few years (and who is actively questioning my gender identity, wheeee), all this shit does is hurt. It's representation being brought to us, across all the shows, by absolutely amazing actors, incredibly sympathetic people... But the content is so painful and it genuinely upsets fans so much. If all you end up doing is hurting the people you're "representing" what's the fucking point?

I'm okay. I will be alright. And, ultimately, I still believe Kai and Amelia will end up together. That this is all unnecessary, miscommunication drama that Grey's thrives on, and by either the finale or season 19, they'll get back together. I've been here long enough, and more importantly, trust E.R. and Caterina enough, to know that that's likely what's going to happen. But good god. I've seen so many alarming tweets and comments about this tonight, so many people describing how this content was the only consistently good thing they have in their life rn (and, lowkey I can relate to that sentiment too). E.R. shouldn't have to tweet about how concerned they are for their fans... And you know that writers room is diverse af too so it's like... What. Is. The. Issue.

I love Grey's. I'll always watch it. But I don't appreciate, in the slightest, when this is what it's making me feel like. It's at such a mismatch from the love that so much of the cast, crew, and writers have shown for so long. I know the show is on its last legs but Jesus Christ... I hope the people in charge learned something from the pain they caused so many (young!!!) people tonight who were looking to this show/ship for hope, because otherwise what was the god damn point. Dramatic tension is necessary for shows like this to continue but good god have some fucking decorum.

[nanaminokanojo]

Happenstance | Kamo Noritoshi

CHARACTERS: Kamo Noritoshi X You CHAPTER COUNT: 1/1 WORD COUNT: 2,287 GENRE: fluff | school au | archer!noritoshi | described reader appearance (i think) TRIGGER WARNING: very mild implied sleeping princess syndrome (somnophilia?) SPOILERS: n/a

collection masterlist

📸 photo credits to @/kawaiimallows22 on Pinterest

Sports fest – an idle time for most but to the athletes of the school.

Kamo Noritoshi was one of them, an archer for the school team and currently representing class two-six. It was a jovial time for most as there weren’t any homeroom activities, but to him, it was yet another one of those boring days in school. It wasn’t new to him nor was it a rare chance for him to get to play unlike the other students as almost every month, he’d join inter-school competitions, most of which were a piece of cake to him. He’d been slinging a bow and arrow since he was five after all. They were the best team there ever was to grace the school grounds and unless they graduate from the institution, there was no way they’d be beaten. It was routine, thus the boredom.

He glanced at his watch. It read exactly half past two. The game he was supposed to be in was already starting, but instead of being in the archery range to shoot some arrows, he was wandering inside the school building, particularly that of the freshmen’s area. It was way quieter there than the other places in the area since all of the students on that floor were excited for the games unlike the upper-class students who found the events of the day tedious. He couldn’t agree more with them. He couldn’t understand why there were such frivolous events apart from the necessary ones. They were of no importance to him and since his class had gotten into the finals, he wasn’t needed anymore.

He treaded his way through the quiet hallways, his footsteps echoing. The surroundings were quite eerie especially that the green glow from the sunlight which was being filtered by the ostentatious greenhouse cast itself across the pristine white walls. He walked the length of the plant conservatory where a few meters of turf had been laid out as a part of the semi-indoor landscape when a strange figure caught his eyes. His stroll halted as he turned on his heels to see what it was, pressing closer to the glass wall with his curiosity overriding him. He squinted, adjusting his vision to the brighter light.

On the grass, he could make out the shape of a person, lying down as if unconsciousness caught them in the middle of a promenade. He arched a brow when he noticed a glistening tuft of long hair on the grass. It was female student – you specifically. Alarmed, he ran back to where the entrance to the greenhouse was and frantically searched for you, thinking you were injured or ailing. He found you on the same spot. Hoping that you were fine, he knelt down beside you. You were lying on your side, your back to him, vulnerable to every single danger that the school grounds could expose you to.

“What are you doing here?” Noritoshi whispered to himself. Ever so carefully, he tried to turn you over so he could at least recognize you. He noticed your hand which held a crimson cravat. A senior, he thought. What was a senior doing at the freshmen’s area? He smirked. Then again, he was a junior and he was there.

Even after you turned over so you were lying on your back, your luxuriant tresses covered your face like a veil. Sucking in air, he reached over, but before he could even touch you, you began stirring. Your hands reached over to your face and brushed your hair absently from your face. A soft sigh escaped your mouth, the creases on your forehead caused by the disturbance slowly smoothing into a peaceful mask as your breathing steadied, your chest rising and falling at an even pace.

Noritoshi scrambled back, frowning when he realized that you hadn’t fainted. You were deliberately there, sleeping. He smiled in amusement, about to leave when a soft breeze managed to make its way through the open vents of the glass dome, rustling the vegetation along with the your dark hair. Suddenly, he found himself taken by the sight of you slumbering before his feet. Your lean, long legs were slightly bent to the right, barely concealed by the short skirt that was your uniform which clung to your hips deliberately, tracing your delicate contours.

His eyes trailed upwards to your face, cheeks lightly flushed and glowing with a healthy tinge of faded roses, lashes thick enough to cast shadows on your cheeks and lips that were the shade of cherries, slightly fuller on the lower part, all framed by sable hair that had lush curls near the tips, scattered on the grassy ground in reckless abandon. You were beautiful…like a garden nymph.

He was enthralled, no other words. He found himself unable to move, wondering where he had seen such a face. He doubted it that you’ve encountered each other since he never really went to the senior department. Aside from that, he never bothered to look at the people in the school long enough in all his two years stay in the institution unless he had something to do with them. He blinked slowly. For the first time, he found himself breathless for someone and he wasn’t expecting that he’d see it in an unconscious girl in the greenhouse.

Thump. Thump.

He swallowed hard, feeling his heart racing the more he stared at the nameless goddess in front of him. With his body finding a mind of its own, he found himself leaning over you until your faces were but a measly inch away from each other. Slowly, his eyes began to droop until they closed, making his lips touch with your slightly open ones. He’d never had the urge to kiss someone so badly and now that he had the chance, you weren’t even responding. He relished the feel of your mouth against his, yielding and soft like candy floss to the slightest of pressures.

What are you doing attacking an unconscious person? Isn’t that cowardly, a nagging voice in his head said, making him snap out of it. He inched away from your sleeping figure and swallowed hard, shaking his head, eyes wide when he realized what he just did. It was so uncommon for him to be losing his mind over anyone. I didn’t just do that.

He glanced at the you, trying to clear his head. He sat down on the grass just beside you, looking up. Frustration took over him, chastising himself for the recklessness of his actions. He thought of how it would look like if the you actually woke up and caught him red-handed. He shrugged the thought off, just glad that you didn’t.

Minutes turned to hours and he still stayed there. The urge to protect you was strong and yet he wasn’t really protecting you, was he? What if it was your first kiss? How he dreaded the thought that he stole it and he didn’t even know whether you liked it or not. He felt loathing for himself when he realized that he was as good as an offender, harassing the you while you slept.

His eyes made its way towards the your tranquil form again and to his surprise, your eyes were open, hazel ones that reflected the canopy of leaves above you. You looked rather disoriented, but even as your vision wandered to him, clear and bright under the afternoon sun, enhancing your features, you exhibited no surprise.

His guilt took the best of him and made him inch away from you, watching as you stretched your arms and blinked sleepily. You pushed yourself up and regarded him with a sleepy smile.

Finally, the goddess spoke. “To what do I owe the honor?” you asked.

Puzzled, Noritoshi shook his head slowly. “Excuse me?”

You sighed, but was happy to repeat yourself. “I said –”

Noritoshi was torn between laughter and frowning. “I heard what you said, but…”

You giggled a bit, narrowing your eyes at him before covering your mouth to yawn. “Now I know why girls fawn over you.”

His brows shot up. “Excuse me?” he said, this time with more edge to it.

Your eyes widened a bit and you fidgeted with your cravat, your shoulders tensing. You winced, returning his gaze with your left eye closed and your right eye slightly squinting. “Shouldn’t have said that.”

Noritoshi shook his head. “No… You don’t get it…”

You relaxed. “What don’t I get?” You lightly scratched the back of your head. “Sorry. I just woke up…er…which you already knew.” You shook your head and rubbed at your eyes.

His head tilted to the side. “You know me.”

At that, you burst into bubbles of laughter. “School team archer, Kamo Noritoshi, who outshines the captain? Who wouldn’t?”

His heart fluttered. The fact that you knew him made him feel glad and guilty at the same time. You knew him and with beauty like yours, he couldn’t wrap his head around the fact that he never noticed you before. He shrugged, your words finally sinking in and he momentarily forgot about what he did. “Not really…”

“And yet I hear rumors about you having to hide in the men’s lavatory because a mob is chasing after you. You’ve got to be kidding me.” You straightened up. “Come on. No need to be humble.” You were easy-going and cheerful, that much he’d figured out. And you also liked to talk. You apologized for your comments and asked, “What are you doing here? Aren’t you supposed to be playing?”

He flashed you a half smile. “I didn’t want to.” He shrugged then. “What about you? Aren’t you supposed to be cheering for your class?”

You blew a raspberry. “I’d rather sleep.”

“Figures.”

You stood up. “I’m going home. Nice talking to you.” You began to make your way out of the greenhouse, waving with your cravat. “See you around.”

Noritoshi stood up and before he could even realize what he was doing, he seized you by the wrist, stopping your progress. You turned around and eyed his hand on yours which he quickly withdrew. “Sorry,” he said breathlessly.

You smiled. “It’s fine. Do you need anything?”

“Your name…” he mumbled.

“Pardon?”

He looked up. “Your name. I…uh…I didn't catch it.”

Your eyes twinkled as you chuckled. “I didn’t mention it.”

Noritoshi’s face heated up and he didn’t need a mirror to tell how badly he was blushing. He looked down.

You bent down slightly. “Are you alright? You’re red,” you said, a confirmation of his thoughts.

He nodded. “Yes. I-it’s hot…that’s all.”

You giggled. “It’s Y/N.”

“Huh?”

“My name is L/N Y/N.”

Y/N. Pretty. He nodded. “L/N Y/N. Thank you. It’s nice to meet you.”

“It’s just Y/N,” you half-whined and pouted a bit. “Do you want me to call you *kohai?”

He shook his head, feeling the slightest annoyance when you suggested it. “N-no.”

“Then call me Y/N and I’ll call you…”

“Idiot?” he said absently, shook his head upon realization and chuckled awkwardly. “I’m kidding.”

“Noritoshi?” you offered, the way his name rolled out of your tongue making him want to hear it more.

“Okay.”

“Noritoshi it is. Bye, Noritoshi.”

You started to walk away again, but he realized it was his chance to make it up to you although you didn’t know what has happened. “Y/N.”

You turned on your heels and looked at him. “Yes?”

“Mind if I walk you home?” he blurted out.

You took his hand. “Not at all, but we should get going before your fan girls start chasing after me.”

Noritoshi chuckled and led the way. You both exited the gate and you just directed him to where you were going, your shoulders touching from time to time as you walked. You didn’t live far from the school just a few blocks and soon, the of you were standing in front of a dainty-looking house with two floors surrounded with lawn and fences the color of faded limes.

“This is me,” you said. “Thank you.”

“Uh…”

“Do you want to walk me to my door?” you asked, voicing Noritoshi’s thoughts out.

“S-sure.”

You chuckled. “Are you always this articulate?”

He chuckled along with you, suppressing the urge to smile like an idiot until you’ve reached the door.

“Thank you,” you said again.

“You’re welcome and…”

You clasped your hands behind you and tilted sideways, your hair falling over your shoulder like it had a life of its own. “And?”

“I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“Nothing.”

You frowned slightly. “Whatever it is, it’s fine.”

Noritoshi placed a hand behind his neck. “I’m going.”

“Okay, but before that, I’m sorry, too.”

“Huh?” He was confused.

“I’m sorry for this.” Without warning, you wrapped your arms around his neck, stood on your toes and let your lips meet in a bold kiss.

Noritoshi’s eyes widened, but he’d soon grown accustomed to your lips which he already kissed while you were sleeping. Chills ran up and down his spine, as the urgency in your kiss heightened from just a simple contact to a kind of potent wanting. His arm found its way around your waist, holding you closer, not caring if anyone saw you as long as he was happy where he was at the moment.

He was still dazed by the time you pulled back, but contrary to his expectation for you to move further away, you leaned closer to his ear and said, “Naughty Noritoshi stealing a kiss from sleeping Y/N.”

He froze. You knew.

Finally you stood back from him, gave him one last peck on the cheek and winked at him as you opened the front door. “See you at the greenhouse, kiss thief.”

-END-

TERMINOLOGIES:

*kohai (後輩) junior i.e. a person of lower grade/class/age (in school/at work) to the speaker

@fushigummy You asked, I delivered. XD did I do the man justice?

Thank you so much for reading. Likes, comments and reblogs are deeply appreciated! Hope you enjoyed it.

© ORIGINAL WORK BY nanaminokanojo. CHARACTERS ARE INSPIRED BY GEGE AKUTAMI'S JUJUTSU KAISEN. [DATE]

PHOTO/IMAGE/GIF/FANART CREDITS TO THE RESPECTIVE OWNERS.